#no one told me i was supposed to be testing so i didnt even know until 2nd period

[gelarshiesprofruitboarder]

dude this schools so fucked up like its actually insane

[valeskawhore]

Mama’s boy!

Series/tv: series! 1/?

Characters and paring(s): Homelander x fem!supe!Caretaker!

Word(s):1.0k!!

A/n: yall it’s finally here, please don’t shun me. I forgot I had this fucking series fr— like I am so series. And then I saw that the NEW SEASON OF THR BOYS IS COMING THE 13th!!!!! HELL YEAHHHHH!! this series will follow the original series. FIND THE IDEA HERE!

(C): I DO NOT OWN ‘THE BOYS’ AMAZON ORIGINAL SERIES/TV!!

———

———

“So.. I’d- what? Be a mother to this little sonuvabitch?” I mocked, leaning back in my chair a little. My coffee cup rested between my cold fingertips on this cold autumn day. The steam filling my nostrils, comforting but didnt make up for the fucked situation i was put in.

We had decided on a meeting in a public place per my request and somehow it had gotten approved. This was surprising yet relieving if you knew anything about Vought International.

“Yes, you’d be a caretaker technically; And whatever else that comes with the job but I suppose a ‘mother’ as you put it, would be a more professional and accurate term in this situation.” He replied. “We just want to ensure our prodigies' safety and having him grow in a lab isn't the most beneficial considering he’s already ripped four or more of his female caregivers in half.” Sipping his coffee nonchalantly.

Stan Edgar.

Always a pain in the ass and who also just happened to be the CEO of said, ‘Vought international’.

Though I always knew him as just Stan and dare I even say he was an old friend of mine from Vought’s ‘Payback’ days when I worked as the second in command to Grace Mallory as we had to partake in being the case managers for the CIA.

Babysitting drugged up supes was never in the job description but as grace always told me; one joy of being a part of the CIA was learning on the job and learning we did.

That is where I first met Stan and if it wasn't for him I would have torn the head of the one and only ‘Soldier boy’ for eyeing my up and down as if I was a piece of cake for him to cut a piece of.

I coughed on some of the coffee I held in my mouth with wide eyes. I swallowed and wiped my mouth, “Pardon? Ripped? In half?” Stan nodded, his face even with even a hint of amusement.

“Are you fucking crazy? And i'm supposed to babysit this little shi-”

Stand cut me off, sensing my panic as he reached his hand on and stopped my bickering as if I was overreacting completely. “Oh please, fret not my friend. We have a plan for that.”

I cocked my eyebrow, “What kind of.. Plan?” I asked.

“I'm so glad you asked,” he smiled, taking a sip of his mocha. “Of course, there will be extra cautionary procedures considering we want you to be long term. And a whole new contract to bridge off our original but sadly, it is required if you’d like to live long enough to receive your check.”

I stayed quiet and listened intently, my fingers suddenly no linger felt frozen.

I felt warm, sick almost as a million feelings and thoughts stirred within me with all the possible circumstances.

“We plan to put you through a series of tests, experiment without the experiment part because we know what we're going yet it will still be the first.” His eyes felt cold on me, like he was brewing up something despicable.

“You’re going to be one strong supernanny– isn't that exciting?” And now I know why.

My body drew back subconsciously even. I stared at him through wilted eyelashes at his proposal. I sat my coffee down, the condensation made my palms sweaty in the autumn chill. Looking anywhere and everywhere but him.

Stan sensed my hesitance, eyes going down to my coffee and then to the show of my wiping my palms on my pants. Nervousness creeping up into my mind, he spoke.

“You don't have to do this,” he began, this time his hands reached out and enclosed mine in his warm ones. His brown eyes searching in mine, “But listen to me as i say this..” my face looked up and found his again at his sudden tone of.. Warmness?

“I would never put you in a situation where I could predict long term harm to you.” i didn't say anything at first once his words set in, i laughed at that, finding my voice finally. “Ah, but short term harm you can predict.” I noted and went to pull my hands away but his grip tightened.

“Well I never said it was going to feel like laying on a bearskin rug, Compound V will tear you apart limb from limb and then rebuild your blood cells all over again. You will become indestructible in every way possible. You will be made. To. be. Able. to. Do. this. Job, i will promise you that above everything”

“Ah, so like Bella from Twilight when she first became a vampire.” I laughed. Stan looked at me with a puzzled expression, “Pardon?”

“Nothing old timer. I wouldn't expect you to know anything of the sort.” I gave his knee a gentle slap. To my relife he dropped it and gave me a nervous laugh, “But, anyways.” He stood and pulled out his wallet to pay for our meals.

“You have by the end of the week, Just call the front desk and let them know your decision. They’ll be expecting to hear from you.” and before i could respond,

He was gone like that.

The carpark returned his vehicle and opened the door for him, Stan was gone as quick as he appeared.

I turned back to my coffee and stared into the milky abyss watching as the cream met the coffee in a caffeinated tango.

I wish coffee was on my mind at the moment. To have something so simple to think about would have been a relief in this moment but I wasn't so fortunate.

I stood up.

And all over again, the cool autumn air made me feel colder than ever.

——

A/n: WHAT ARE WE FEELING!? ooooOOooo what if Billy BUTCHER WAS INCLUDED—

[luffyvace]

helooo can i request saiki x reader bf texts please? thank you so much !! anything is fine honestly as long as its saiki content i miss him 😭😭😭😭

ooooou I haven’t got a request like this yet and it seems very fun!! No problem hun <3

IKR after you finish the anime it feels like such limited content is left for the saiki k fandom!! 😭😭

💓💗 Saiki and his boyfriend~ 💗💓

“Wanna go get some coffee jelly”

“This is oddly specific but can you tell the magician outside to leave please?”

”can you keep aiura and torisuka distracted so I can leave school?”

”thanks I’ll pay you back in (favorite thing)”

”let’s meet at the arcade”

”I’m annoyed my mom is forcing me to go outside but I know I’m gonna run into kaido”

”please come with me to make this more bearable”

”don’t forget to study for that test”

convos :3

”how do I make friends with that average guy from the other class without seeming weird”

”Kusuo idk just go up to him and talk to him 😭”

”yeah but if I don’t have something to talk about it’ll be awkward and my likeability meter will go down”

”can you figure out his interests for me so I can talk to him?”

”what? YOU do it 🤦”

”no i can’t the nuisances will find me”

convo 2 ;P

“Do you wanna come shopping with me?”

”your not gonna invite the nuisances too are you?”

”no kusuo 😭”

”oh okay well no”

“I'm NOT!”

“I know but nuisance number 4 just showed up”

”at your house?”

”no at the mall”

”ohh well fine 🤦”

convo 3

”can I borrow your bike nendo broke mine”

”HOW?”

”idk he sat on it”

”WHAT LOLL”

”I need it so I don’t have to go shopping with my dad”

”why is that so bad?? 😭”

”because he starts begging for things at the store”

”??”

“Isn’t he a grown man?”

”yeah I know that’s why I need to borrow your bike”

”sure babe..😭🤦”

convo 4

”my mom wants you to come over for dinner”

”oh alright!”

”no”

“??”

”say your sick”

”kuu why? 😭😭”

”can’t I come over??”

”no my parents are embarrassing”

”LOL”

”but I’ve come over plenty of times before tho”

”I know but, please just don’t come over”

”what’s happening??”

”fine. My dad wants to play a prank on someone because when he try to scare me it didn’t work. So I need you to come over and pretend to be scared so my mom doesn’t kill me”

”what?? So now I’m supposed to come over?”

”let’s just get it over with”

”you go through so much I swear 😭💗”

convo 5

”when you come over and my mom asks if you wanna meet my brother say no”

”whaaat but I kinda wanna meet him”

”say no”

”for both of our sakes”

”if you don’t go I won’t have to either”

”fine 😒”

convo 6

”goodnight kuu”

”goodnight m/n”

convo 7

“I hear nuisance number 4 isn’t showing up to school today”

”no she isn’t”

”rejoice. God is real.”

”KUSUO 😭😭”

convo 8

“your driving home today right? Can I hitch a ride? Nuisance number 1 is here”

”wait which nuisance is that again?”

”how can you forget? It’s the second most terrible one. Nuisance 1 is nendo”

”OHH YEAHH”

”hurry he’s coming”

”YEAH MEET ME AT THE CAR LOL”

convo 9

”come with me to nuisance number 2’s house so I don’t have to go alone”

”kaido right? he’s not so bad right? I can’t I have homework”

”no he’s just really weird and cringe and awkward”

“I’ll wait”

”okay 😭”

convo 10

“can I come over and we can watch that show you recommended me?”

”yeah sure any time kuu”

”you really don’t have to ask, I could get you a spare key if you want”

”yes an emergency escape route in case of nuisance surprises”

”WOW OK”

”and you ig”

convo 11

”that was sweet. what you did for them”

��Yeah I guess they’re not so bad for now”

”for now Kusuo?”

”you sound like my mom”

”actually, that’s not an insult I love your mom”

”I know”

”WYM 😭”

”you hug her more than I do”

”well that proves smth 🤨🤨”

”eh. I’ll get her a gift”

”good cuz she’s awesome 😙”

convo 12

“let’s finish playing that game you have”

”NO”

”WHY IT WAS SO FUNNY”

”you have never even played it he’s so annoying”

”LOLL YOU DIDNT HAVE TO TELL HIM TO DIE THO”

”you wouldn’t even think it’s funny if I hadn’t have told you”

”come on at least least me see the chapter you said you hated”

”you just wanna see me suffer”

”If I did I wouldn’t have distracted hairo for you earlier”

”FINE”

”LOL YIPPIE I’m coming over as soon as I’m done with my homework 🙂”

”😒”

convo 13

“How do I transfer to class 2”

”you just wanna be with satou don’t you”

”you don’t know how?”

”no kuu, I don’t 🤦”

convo 14

“I have to go visit my grandparents and my granddad is really awkward come with me”

“I’D LOVE TO MEET THEM”

”why do you love my family so much?”

”they’re strange”

”I love YOU 😒”

”are you calling me weird”

”in what way are you normal mister magic powers with weird friends and family who also has to stop a volcano from erupting yearly”

”those are just ordinary daily tasks”

”now your coming right?”

”I should leave you”

”you wish you were normal so bad”

”when are we going”

”on second thought you can stay here”

”STOP BEING SALTY IM COMING”

”NOW TELL ME WHEN”

convo 15

”let’s reschedule the coffee jelly date for Sunday”

”it’s too chaotic”

”it’s Friday”

”I know I’m dreading the weekend”

”my poor kuu 😭”

”stop”

”you sound like my mom again”

*read* 1:39pm

LOL I LOVE CONVO 10-15 😊😈 (it got more chaotic as it went on- 😭)

muahahahahhaha hope you enjoyed! these were quite fun :3

[strniohoeee]

can u do the pregnancy scare but she actually ends up pregnant and decides to get an 4bortion? she's not ready to have a baby and the triplets are very supportive

you can choose to do it with matt or chris

Unplanned

Pairing: Chris Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: What happens when Y/N ends up pregnant, but can’t take care of the baby🫂 What will the triplets thinks?

Warnings⚠️: Mentions of ab*rtion, so it may be a touchy subject for some. I’m not too sure how I feel about this one, so lmk🫶🏽

Song for the imagine: Make You Feel My Love-Adele

⚠️This story may contain a topic that is too strong for some⚠️

No…no no no this was not happening right now. I pull out a 6th test, and take it, squeezing whatever urine I could out of me.

I waited 15 minutes, and looked down PREGNANT. FUCK HOLY FUCK NO. I was only 20, and could not have this baby. I was not grown enough. I was not ready.

Chris and I weren’t dating, just messing around like young dumb teens do. I wasn’t even sure how I got pregnant because Chris and I always used protection. Every single time like never ever forgot. If he didn’t have a condom on him we did not fuck. So my only other thought was the condom must’ve broke

How is he going to react? I was beating myself up for not wanting the baby. But I couldn’t do it. I would be ruining Chris’ life right now. Our parents would be so disappointed too. I personally was not ready at all for a baby.

Before telling the triplets I gave it a lot of thought. I could keep the baby and stay out of the public’s eye, but I also wasn’t ready for a baby at all. I never intended to get pregnant, so I shouldn’t feel bad for not wanting this baby…right????

I sat in my room crying. Do I keep the baby? Do I not? I really could not do this at this age. I was not ready, and in 9 months I will not be ready. I wasn’t even sure how far along I was because I had only started feeling sick a few days ago. This was such a painful process I was going through.

I told no one because my parents would kill me. I had texted the groupchat with the triplets and I told them I needed to speak on something serious, and asked if I could come over. They told me yes, and I grabbed my pregnancy tests, putting them in my bag and heading out

About 20 minutes later I arrived to their house, and let myself in

“Heyyy we’re up here sitting on the couch” I heard Nick yell

I walked up the steps and into the living room area

“Hey” I said to them placing my purse down

“Are you okay?” Matt asked me sensing my energy

“Uhh now I am” I said smiling at him

“Y/N what’s going on??” Nick asked

“Oh god I don’t even know how to say this” I told them

“Are you moving away from us?” Chris asked

“No no nothing like that” I said to him

“Well then go on” Matt said

“Guys I’m pregnant” I said looking at them. All their mouths dropped at the same time

“WHAT” Nick said confused

“I’m fucking pregnant” I said digging in my bag and grabbing all 6 tests, tossing them infront of them

“We always use protection though” Chris said grabbing a test

“WAIT HE'S THE FATHER” Matt asked looking at Chris

“Okay besides Chris and y/n fucking we have bigger problems at hand” Nick said looking at me

“I can’t keep this baby” I said looking at them, and immediately breaking down crying. Nick pulled me over to sit in between him and Matt

“I can’t have this baby. I’m too young. I’m not prepared, and I didnt even intend to get pregnant. I think the condom broke, and now I’m fucking piece of shit for not wanting this baby” I said sobbing like a child

“No no listening it’s okay for you to not want this baby, or to want this baby. It is your body, and whatever you want to do we will be here to support you” Matt said to me

“I’m supposed to have this baby” I said crying harder

“Hey you’re not supposed to do anything that you don’t want to! If you want an abortion I’ll be there for you every step of the way, and if you want to keep the baby I will also be there every step of the way” Chris told me

That conversation happened a few days ago, and now it was the day for my procedure. I was about a week and half pregnant.

The triplets came with me to the clinic, and Chris came in with me.

After the procedure everything went well, and I was put in a room to recover from the anesthesia. The three of them were in there waiting for me

“There she is” Chris said as they rolled me in and put me in the corner

“How are you feeling?” Nick asked me

“I feel okay right now, but I’m a bit loopy” I said smiling at them

“So glad you’re doing okay” Matt said

“Thank you guys so much, for being here with me, and going through this with me” I said getting emotional

“We’re always here for you! We love you” Nick said

“Especially me. I love you the most” Chris said coming over and kissing me on the head

The End

Yall Im writing this, and I have been drinking, so if it’s ass IM SORRY, but if you like it lmk, and whoever requested this I also hope you liked it 🥰🖤🖤

-J💅🏽

A/N: I love Malibu Coke and any fruit moscato! Top of the list is blueberry moscato🫐

[pebiejeebies]

FINALLY REDESIGNED MY BABY!!

Fuorzy!! Look at her :D

… wait.. this is too.. boring.. hmmmm

hmmm.. it wouldn’t hurt to..

well..

destroy an innocent little lovable sona to the point she loses sanity and gets forced to merge with announcer..

The line less art was her first ever appearance. Innocent. Happy.

The outlined art is, well.. the Aftermath.

Hhhhheeeeehhhh, Huge difference huh..? I really, really destroyed her didn’t I? :(

Lore if ur interested!!

(Tw,, robot gore..??? Surgery,, uhh test subject horror—?? Idk man)

First of all:

WHAT IS A ROBOTERSTIEN??

It’s a robot Frankenstein, and I used the word Roboter and not Robot because it was German :P (idk let me mix random words together like they’re my shampoo and conditioner bottles)

She was playing in the equation playground for a while, until she strayed too far

She bumped into a bear, and since she struggles to see clearly because she’s cross eyed.. well.. I think you get the picture.

Xeir legs got completely snapped and seperated off of her, and her arms and hands were scratched heavily, and bent, and her.. uh.. ears I guess? Welll……

the only reason she survived was because there were objects camping nearby, who were professionals in hunting down bears and such

As much as the bear hurt Fuorzy, she didn’t want to see it die, so she convinced the objects with her little to no consciousness, and they let the bear go

She wakes up in a lab, with professional robotic scientists, they fixed up her limbs and bandages her missing ‘ear’, and just when she thought that they were too kind to offer all of this for free..

They didn’t. They told her to pay, either in any currency (which she doesn’t even know what it is) or..

She becomes a test subject.

She disliked the idea, but she really, REALLY wanted to live and keep her new cool limbs!

Days, weeks, and a month or two pass, every day they’d make a surgery on her, either cut open her missing ear, or her back and tail (Do know, canon version of both phases had the same back, just the first appearance didnt have the stitches)

Or they’d try new codes and chips on her

It doesn’t matter if anything happened to them, the scientists were only using them to test out things they’d do on the projects and robots they wanted to make

And with the lack of nice treatment, constant forgetfulness of her starvation and exhaustion, it finally made her tick

The scientists completely forgot that she was, ALIVE, so they never really made sure she was stabilized well

The scientists are all gathered, as they speak excitedly about this test and how it would work

They make her unconscious, and after a week of a heavy forced deep sleep, she wakes up, with a— A FUCKING ROBOT ON HER HEAD..

HUH. They tested if she could connect announcer to her BRAIN, and the only way it would work was.. well… yeah.. owchie…

She wasn’t supposed to wake up at that time, she looked at herself in the floor’s reflection, and instead of crying and looking at herself traumatized, she smiled

She ripped the chains from the bed off of her, and completely..

Lost

Their

M I N D

She started killing EVERYONE she saw

everyone who had a white long, coat

She was about to get shot by a scientist, only for one of the other scientists she tried to kill push her away

The shot reflected back onto the scientist and drops dead

Then she stared at the scientist that saved them

Rose, he helped her up and smiled warmly

“About time they got what they deserved”

He helped them out of the lab, and they both went their separate ways

She smiled as she wiped off the blood on her face, and stared back at her Home, Sweet, Home.

I knoe I probably wrote this badly,, but I have a headache sooo bear with me here ….

Alrighty uuhhh byebyee <3333

[nalyra-dreaming]

hello! two things

first, ive been hearing that the show was greenlit many months ago and its confusing me? rolin from the way he spoke at comic con and interviews sounded like they had to rush the teaser and have literally nothing written down yet, just ideas and a lot of talking about music. which makes the official announcement legit. of course just in case rolin was already brainstorming as i said. but if they had months i guess now it is the right time to say "hey actually...", you know? season 2 was renewed so early because eventually they explained it was supposed to be one season, but amc told him "make two actually" and they had to rewrite for more episodes (so thats why assad could do the santiago monologue for his audition). and then they told us afterwards. so why dont tell us now they knew a long time ago? it would be the right time. but in the last interview rolin literally said "this is all bullshit (they were talking about what will happen in season 3) because we havent wrote down ANYTHING yet". so i guess they never lied about the show not being greenlit yet... i mean i cant see it, in months they should already have a full on trailer, not a teaser that rolin said was even rushed. its a confusing piece of information...? i guess when they will start shooting in fall it will include the documentary parts, the ones we saw in the teaser felt more like experimenting with season 3 vibes, "a sort of sneek into a POTENTIAL season 3", quoting rolin. and till then they will do all the music and write scripts and do the auditions. if not, it doesnt make sense. with months available they had the chance to do much more...?

second, (more lighthearted), considering this taylor swift situation (sorry im not a swift listener but i heard there is a feud sort of with lestat? lol?) he didnt have to say justin bieber in that teaser... he had to say TAYLOR SWIFT in hindsight (oh, if rolin knew). just imagine... just imagine. i would love a playful feud between fiction and reality. totally fantastic, in the lines of that vulture article. also like the boys' vought international youtube channel and people in the comments going with it. it would have been mindblowingly hilarious.

Hey!

So I think the season was indeed greenlit for months (I know others knew about it), but they were under gag order, because the focus was on the second season, and they didn't want to take away from it. And, given history, the announcement would have overshadowed it. I think it was a good move.

But in order to have music DONE, and a teaser video?! They have been on this for months. I also think they have been casting, and doing chemistry tests and so on in the meantime. That takes time.

I do believe Rolin when he says he has nothing "written" yet - remembering Sam saying they had only two(!) scripts ready when they started shooting season one, it means that Rolin has a LOT in his head that he then churns out.

As per Justin Bieber... I believe that is a play on an article that happened ages ago, where someone confused Anne Rice with Anne Frank, and Justin Bieber visiting the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam. I remember that throwing some waves ... back then (cannot believe the site is still up).

But yeah, I think "The Vampire Lestat" will - maybe has already - breached pop culture beyond fiction... if they really release a double album with music that hits like the first single???? We're in for a ride, baby :))))

[nd-babblinggoblinfromthevoid]

I'm so relieved stuff with my health is progressing.

I've had pots since 13 years old but never pursued diagnosis of anything because I was a teenager and doctors + parents had a track record of not taking me/teenagers seriously. So I suffered in silence for ages.

I started getting fibromyalgia symptoms about a year after the pots started. But I didnt know anything about fibro (or pots) or everything it entailed at that time so I didn't think to look into that either.

In 2020 I got pregnant with my first child and that pregnancy exacerbated my symptoms so bad I thought I was going to die. I tried to see a cardiologist and he kept chalking it up to "That's normal during pregnancy" and "You're just having anxiety" but like.... sir I have not been pregnant since I was 13!... but was not listened to at all. I thankfully made it through that pregnancy but not without some trauma.

With a starborn in between, I had my 3rd pregnancy which did not exacerbate my symptoms, thankfully. After a while I revisited the POTS theory my friend convinced me to try again and I did. Same place, different doctor.

This doctor actually listened to me. Listened to the fact that I've had it for over half my life. He was already convinced enough to do testing and I did testing and failed/passed however you wanna look at it but I got my diagnosis!!

When I told my primary's office about the previous doctor who didnt listen to me they were shocked and visibly irritated that it happened that way the first go-around.

I had heat-related fibro flareups over the last year that my primary initially thought was a gallbladder issue. Went to gallbladder doctor. (He was great) I followed his instructions to intentionally cause flareups to gauge things and.... nothing. Nothing flared up my symptoms which ruled out gallbladder and instead fully pointed the finger at fibro for sure.

Went to my primary with our findings/conclusion yesterday and got a fibro referral to my bestie's doctor who is a good one. Not only actually listened to her and determined yes this is fibro but also his wife has fibro so he has had a close-up of what someone's life is like on the daily with fibro and he's a lot more understanding about the whole thing.

I see him either this or next month and I am wracked with excitement and relief for even getting this far. Because I know. I know that others fucking struggle 10x more than I have sometimes and I sort of have this guilt about while I'm so happy to be making progress I feel terrible knowing others like me are fighting for years and years to be listened to.

Anyway..... getting a little sad and ranty when this is supposed to be a positive/journey post. Horray for progress, though!! Maybe people will listen to me when I have medical shit to back it up instead of just thinking I'm not trying hard enough/am lazy/don't care about stuff/exaggerating/etc. (Not that I or anyone owes anyone an explanation or medical breakdown of why we are the way we are but yea)

Wooooo!!! 🎉🥲

[larnax]

finally managed to rewrite a version of thronés story i actually like

first we have to decide what thronés story is like. about. on a material “what happens in the story” level and then on the thematic level of why those things happen. right now i think thronés story is probably supposed to be about getting freedom and something something family abuse but what actually happens is throné trying to get this weird collar off which she does by performing a very convoluted paternity test she didnt even know she needed to do until halfway through the story and its About how fucked up it would be if this one weird horny guy had too many kids that he was evil to. that sucks ass so we’re gonna change it. im fine with the “what happens” being throné trying to get her collar off, i actually think it works pretty well as a way to symbolize her being trapped in the blacksnakes and you can do a lot of interesting things with the degree to which her metaphorical collar even can come off the way a physical collar can, so thats what the story is actually gonna be About. the focus of the story should be on the conflict between thronés desire for freedom and a Normal Life and the fact that shes never Had that and the life shes had instead is extremely difficult to get out of

the single biggest problem with thronés story is that i cant emphasize this enough at the finale it suddenly nosedives into her being told about her biological family history and then needing to go on a quest to find this one random fucking dude who she has never met before and who is so blatantly evil he might as well just be a generic villain and then she has to kill him and then the story immediately ends. its not ‘bittersweet’ because im still feeling whiplash from a completely different story busting in at the last minute and the story claude is from is so morally simple(should this evil immortal rapist be killed? yeah, probably???) that it literally cant be bittersweet because it was definitely good that he died and throné has no reason to care about him

i understand that ot2 wants to have the character’s stories all tie into the postgame(except agnea lol) and honestly i dont even hate the idea of taking the theme of grooming her story has and giving that exaggerated form in this immortal organization but for the love of fucking god the leader needs to actually be a part of the story before the eleventh hour and it makes me insane that hes not because its so so so fucking obvious: Father. you know, Father? that guy who was introduced in chapter one and who throné actually has an established relationship with and who has actually been the one grooming her for her entire life before the story? why the fuck is the climax of his death preceded by a confusing and boring account of his relationship with thronés biological mother who she never knew who cheated on him with a complete stranger all of which happened before throné was born and that she did not know about until just now and is mostly irrelevant because it doesnt change her relationship with him at all because she just kills him. what is going on where am i.

so the first thing i would do in a rewrite of thronés story is remove the question of who thronés biological family is entirely. it doesnt matter and in fact actively makes the story weaker. what matters to throné and ideally the player is the people who raised throné who she considers her family and who she actually has a relationship with. even though Father is now an immortal who created the blacksnakes hes not biologically related to the children because thats stupid im sorry its just dumb.

he created a gang of children the normal way by taking in poor children who don’t have anywhere else to go and don’t have anyone to miss them with the promise of a place in the world and food/board with the caveat that they work for the parents Forever. this also means that some of the blacksnakes believe theyre in the organization by choice, or that this is the best option for them(will be relevant for mira), and are willing to accept the treatment not just because of the collars but because of the metaphorical collar of poverty. none of this even needs to be outright said & in fact i would significantly prefer that it exists almost entirely in the inquire/etc options for npc blacksnakes and the player is allowed to simply pick this up through characters who act as if its true. throné specifically will have joined the blacksnakes because she was drawn in by the idea of having a family and a place in the world as a kid who was starving to death in the streets of fucking uhh idk i play in spanish whatever Sotoburgo is. this does not need to be established in a flashback, it can be established entirely through simple mentions about how the blacksnakes saved her life and then the player can just recognize what’s going on.

Mother still exists and is still the primary antagonist of chap 1-2 while Father exists sort of in the background, but she needs to have the simplistic evil turned down just a tiny bit. as it is the blacksnakes’ familial structure feels really shallow because Mother is all vinegar no honey. the mafia boss who is very rewarding and affectionate with well-performing underlings and simultaneously cruel with under-performing underlings is both another character who can just exist and the player will like Get It almost instantly, but is also much closer to how a lot of abusive mothers work. oh also uhhh im. replacing pirro with mira entirely. sorry pirro but mira is the second most interesting character in the story and i want to give her more screentime. mira is Mother’s golden child, shes younger than throné and kind of bad at her job but Mother insists on sending her on jobs with throné anyway and blames her if things go wrong, so when the diamante job goes sideways and one of their crew dies and also they fail to recover the objective Mother does the whole whipping her in front of everyone thing and then demands that she go and singlehandedly complete the mission, which Mother clearly considers to be a suicide mission to do solo right after a failed attempt when the place will be crawling with guards, but throné has no choice to accept it because, you know. collar. so throné goes and tries to stealthily infiltrate the diamante manor and manages to recover it but what then? why, it’s mira! mother has trusted her with her first ever assassination, and it’s to make sure that even if throné makes it to the objective alive, she doesn’t make it out of the manor. throné fights mira and wins, but when mira realizes she might die she begins pleading for her life and throné can’t bring herself to kill her so she flees the manor and decides that her quest to leave the blacksnakes begins Right Now. on her way out of town she’s “ambushed” by Father, who came to congratulate her for successfully making it out of diamante because he knew she would be able to complete a mission no other blacksnake could. throné is conflicted between feeling good that he’s proud and knowing that shes gotta get the fuck out of here and feeling just a little bit incompetent for not being able to kill mira(she doesnt say any of this explicitly, she thanks him for praising her and hes kinda like ‘cmon champ say it like you mean it’ and throné thinks ‘but i dont’). he leaves and throné thinks about her objective— she needs to remove the collar, so she needs the keys from Mother… and Father. she knows that at this time of year Mother goes to visit the orphanage in Sotoburgo she uses as a front for educating and taking in young blacksnakes.

she arrives in Sotoburgo and sees. well look who it fucking is, mira! a normal blacksnake wouldve been executed for failing an assassination(throné was definitely going to be executed either way which is why she needed to leave immediately, this is unstated but you can guess), but mother’s golden child rides again. throné disguises herself as a nun and sneaks into the orphanage to find that mira has been brought with Mother as a punishment for failing the mission, where shes being treated as a child. throné walks in shortly before mira is used as an example to the children of what happens if they fail to succeed in their duties and shes whipped. after that Mother leaves to go to the garden and throné pursues her but when she gets to the garden Mother reveals that she knew it was throné the whole time and mira steps out of the shadows, Mother reveals that mira was spared from execution on the condition that she helps Mother eliminate throné now, there’s a double battle where mira protects Mother but after throné overpowers them both and knocks mira out Mother also begins pleading for her life and uses the fact that she spared mira to prove that throné is actually very kind and all this will be forgiven if she just— and then throné stabs her and as Mother’s dying shes like “damn.. you really are your father’s daughter…” and throné is like ah. the agonies. anyway then mira recovers and realizes mother’s dead and does the whole “SHES ALL I HAD” thing and that shes really gonna kill throné this time Youll See and throné tells her that shes clearly not meant for the blacksnakes either but that the next time they meet, it’s kill or be killed. mira asks throné what other options does she think she has(even if you get the collar off, what will you do then? do you really think you can live a normal life?) and throné… cant answer her. she leaves. Father ambushes her again on the way out and tells her that hes proud of her for killing Mother, and asks her to go on a job with him. throné agrees, and he leaves. throné wonders if this really is all somehow part of his plan

thronés chapter 3 is actually really good so im leaving it unchanged

but ok so chapter 4. throné confronts Father and he tells her how proud of her he is for making it this far and that he knew she would. if she succeeds here, she’ll prove once and for all that shes worthy to lead the blacksnakes. throné tells him that shes fucking off forever after this and he cant stop her. he says he doesnt have to— someone with so much blood on her hands can never live a normal life. even if the collar is gone, she’s still a killer and a thief. sooner or later, she’ll realize the blacksnakes are all she has. throné wants to refute him, but can’t come up with a satisfying response. Father switch to fighting sprite and tells her that it’s time to stop trying to run away from the life she chose, that she was meant for. throné defeats him. his last words are “i love you”. throné switch to heavy damage sprite and after a pause says “i hate you.” she reaches for the keys and unlocks the collar, but realizes that she really doesn’t know what to do now. she leaves the montwise cathedral but on the way back to town is grabbed by a strange man who is just repeating . idk like “i’m lost, help, help, i’m lost” or whatever this guy is one of the broken vessels and throné manages to shove him off and kill him but finds a note in his hand that is a map leading to an X or maybe directions. idk whatever but this is a map to the gondola

throné arrives at the gondola and finds lostseed. i actually love lostseed i think it owns and its one of the coolest locations in the game so im slamming it in just like the writers but at least trying to make it relevant. throné finds the shrine(btw this is the shrine) and goes through and who is it at the end You Guessed It it’s mira. throné is like. what the fuck is going on. mira tells her that this village is where the successor of the blacksnakes must go to receive the gift of agelessness and throné is like. what? she reveals that Mother and Father both wanted to have their successor candidates and that mira was Mother’s. the gift of agelessness is like. a fountain you have to drink from or maybe it is the flame itself somehow, and all the broken vessels are people who tried to drink from the fountain but were unworthy and instead went insane and are now empty husks. mira says that shes going to kill throné once and for all so she cant come back to take revenge and then mira will drink from the fountain and become the successor. throné tells her that this is a bad idea and shes definitely going to become a husk. mira tells her to shut the fuck up and you know what at least she knows her place in the world and attacks. throné overpowers and kills her. mira has a bit before she bleeds out where she tells throné that she always knew throné was stronger than her, and that throné could be the best leader the blacksnakes have. her last words are. ok so this would be easier in japanese but in english even though i feel like its kind of clunky you can still have mira call her “big sister”. throné obviously decides not to drink from the fountain of youth. you dont need to have any dialogue to establish that she has now realized she had complicated feelings about mira but i want to have her unlock mira’s collar and maybe give her a burial in lostseed. her last scene is returning to montwise and buying a raspberry turnover or whatever. she reflects that she still doesnt know where she goes from here, but that she at least knows that no matter what, she won’t be the blacksnakes’ successor. i was debating between her endcard being that or the grave but since temenos already has a grave endcard i think having a version of her endcard that references the raspberries thing is better

OH also her design on her endcard is way better than her ingame design. no thief design is complete without the little mantle and also please give this poor woman some fucking pants. i think she should also have gloves though. tbh i also want to have her skirt be full instead of asymmetrical but i do acknowledge that at this point im basically just describing tressa’s clothes with a longer skirt but in my defense i really like tressa’s design and they could add details to make it different.

MORE IMPORTANTLY THOUGH for crossed paths . its so fucking stupid that her crossed paths is with temenos i fucking hate it here for real. throné doesnt even do anything shes literally just the Specialest Birthday Boy in the world’s sidekick and its so frustrating bc again theres a way more obvious pairing: osvald. obviously osvald. if you asked me which character i would pair with the girl whose main trait is that her abuse was from her father, the guy whose main trait is his relationship with his daughter would be a lot fucking higher on my list than catholic sherlock(partitio can just be kind of there in temenos’ story and in the postgame he suffers a lot less from being completely ignored because The Most Important Guy In The World is the only person that matters for temenos’ torch(no hate to partitio btw i love the spaghetti western man but someone has to be the sacrifice)). throné and osvald are mirrors of each other in a bunch of interesting ways, thronés conflict is about whether or not shes her father’s daughter/osvald was extremely close with his daughter who was a lot like him, throné has spent her entire life in the underworld but wants to live a normal life/osvald was living a normal life but has recently been plunged into the underworld, etc. you could have osvald and throné conflicting because both of them are projecting their father/daughter onto each other and their crossed paths are about them realizing that they need to approach each other as individuals, you could have the two of them ending up falling into a father/daughterish dynamic in a lighthearted way, you could have an inverted mentor/apprentice dynamic where throné ends up teaching osvald mugging tips and tricks or whatever, you could have the two of them sharing the conflict of not being sure if they can ever find a normal life when osvald has dedicated so much of himself to revenge and its not like he can just fucking. pick up his life where he left off and throné doesnt even know what a normal life would be like and hey maybe osvald could share some of what a normal life with a caring father is supposed to look like. if the crossed paths were tied to their main story you could even explicitly have the two of them conflict over what osvald owes to his daughter now that he knows shes alive or have throné react to harvey changing elena’s memories, or you could have osvald get invested in thronés conflict because as a father hes got a personal stake in seeing a father treat his daughter like shit. or i dont. fucking know. thatd probably be best saved for travel banter actually but what im saying is their dynamic is much more interesting and i would pretty please like to allow throné to have an important role in what is allegedly supposed to be Her shared story.

but in the spirit of not completely rewriting everything osvalds crossed paths actually works fine with throné instead since she and partitio both have a get item path action but throné’s motivation for helping regulus will initially just be contrarianism where osvald is like “dont waste your time” and throné is like “hmm interesting. unfortunately i do have to see what happens solely because you seem so upset about it”. i think this story works best where throné and osvald sort of unconsciously fall into a father/daughter dynamic where throné feels a sudden powerful urge to exert major teenager energy. the second entry is again mostly the same but throné offers to steal it instead and osvald is like “no im going to punch this guy”. during the stargazing scene regulus mentions that osvald’s new assistant reminds him of elena and that he thought she was the only person who could drag osvald into wasting his time and osvald is like ill fucking kill you and throné is like ah papá i did not know you were so weak willed that a ten year old could drag you around and osvald is like ill blow this whole building up (paraphrasing). this is definitely on the lighthearted end but thats fine octopath really doesnt like having protagonists conflict which does suck ass but i also understand

for the postgame obviously like i said lostseed is the location of the scholar/thief shrine, the blacksnakes’ founder found a way to harness the power of the flame to achieve immortality and the leader of the snakes is brought into the moonshade order and theyre supposed to sacrifice themself to snuff out the torch, if youre really dedicated to The Sacred Flame Is Unambiguously Good No Matter what you can have lostseed not be the shrine and just keep the blacksnakes leader sacrificing themself bc ik octopath’s canon mythology is allergic to being interesting but either way osvald can be like. Damn you dodged a fucking bullet huh(paraphrasing)

since mira has tragically passed away she cant be the postgame quest but instead the elderly guard/gondola operator being twins can still be a thing so i would like the guard to have a brother and also like. niece who he thinks died, and so he asks you to see if you can find anything that remains of them. the brother is his twin and his niece is the “give it back” girl. the solution is still to bring the guard to his brother, and the brother leads him to the girl and explains that she was another successor candidate but that when she tried to drink from the fountain it turned her into a husk and so he stayed in lostseed to watch over her. the guard and ideally the player realize that all these broken vessels were once full people and decides to stay with his brother to watch over the town in case a way is ever found to heal them

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y'know i watch a lot of dave ramsey on my fb feed, ever since my parent sent me the video where a young couple had $750,000 worth of student loan and other debt. but like. although most of their advice is relatively okay/good for saving up and getting out of debt, the one piece of advice i take issue with today, mostly bc i feel like being pissed about something is "just get any job before you get THE job! you need work and money TODAY and also a side hustle if you have free time to watch netflix between 3 other jobs!"

like. i have been TRYING to just get ANY job for a year now, ever since i left my shitty and toxic asf traineeship/cadetship..... that made me so fucking anxious and stressed that i crashed my car so bad that i bashed in my back windscreen, my boot/trunk and knocked off my back wheels and exhaust pipe (and i also destroyed their multilevel parking.... and i refused to follow up on their building insurance to fix. ALSO my car is actually fine. my insurance fixed it lmao. it took like 3 whole months).

i've been trying for the past year ever since my shitty overly critical, controlling and micromanaging boss completely ruined my chance of a good stable job where i got BUMPED UP from trainee to a full admin assistant during the interview process..... all because i REFUSED to listen SPECIFICALLY to her and hr to be a disability/community support worker bc "tHeY'rE sOoOoOo DeSpErAtE fOr WoRkErS wHy DoN't YoU cArE!!!!????" and "SHE HAS THE WRONG PERSONALITY FOR ADMIN!!!!!" et al.... that she called me to demand to know EXACTLY what jobs i was applying for directly after she gave that bullshit reference report so she could guilt me to "use your (my) giving heart." *enter every tag rant i've made about this sitch on this hellsite here*

where people, performance and culture told me to get assessed and medicated for anxiety and depression. where one of the course coordinator ladies of the cert IV in housing course i did as part of this program told me to "hurry up and get assessed and medicated for ADHD bc it's ruining your KPIs and business performance!" bc i went too fast through my assessments for her to help me..... and "YoU'rE NoT fIgHtInG fOr YoUr CaReEr HaRd EnOuGH!!!!" whenever i got told both by my manager and my mentor that any chance for me to move up or do anything for my assessments was "not relevant to you" (even in TEAM MEETINGS!) and "just accept it's not in YOUR journey with us!!!". and finally where another coworker kept asking me if i had some undiagnosed disability that i hadnt told them about.... on the way to one of the very seldom inspections that i was SUPPOSED to be doing by myself, by the end of the program. but they continually barred me from doing. how the fuck was i meant to stay here and do anything successfully and healthily in this toxic ass workplace???

i've tried for a fucking year to get "just any job". be it from kmart to fucking heavy labouring shift work at the local steelworks.... bc i am fucking desperate.... to even a support worker in the last couple of months. that i didnt have good ref reports for (and quite understandably so this time bc this job is basically like rudimentary nursing which i've NEVER been interested in). but again i was desperate. and i wanted to test shit boss's/shit HR's hypothesis that it was "an instant job! it'll be so easy for you! bc you're so nice, and giving, and down to earth, and friendly!!! all it is, is making friends all day with your interests!! what the perfect job for you!!' ma'am i am NOT 18 like your son that you keep referencing whenever we talk about this. i am 27/28 (at the time). why the fuck are you SO condescending, belittling and supercilious?

i have been trying for a fucking year to get any fucking job possible.... when it's literally impossible.... when even rudimentary/entry level jobs like working at kmart or woolies or even as a door greeter/customer service person at a local bank; come with test after test after test after test...... that give you results like "you have big dreams and we can't help you achieve them!" or "you have NO emotional regulation and intelligence, and resilience skills whatsoever. why did you even apply to work for social services?! goodbye." or "you don't know what INNOVATION means bc you're too scared to try or come up with new ways to do things." shitbot.AI for social services. you're a government agency. you're the LEAST innovative fucking business in the ENTIRE country.... for personality readings. batshit insane multi-tasking tests like this one:

i NEVER pass these tests, whether they're the standard personality test or the psychometric tests like the one pictured, or the system thinking ones... fictional staff IM chat ones; etc etc etc. FOR A FUCKING SEWING/ARTS/HABERDASHERY SHOP. the list goes on and on. where you only have 30 seconds to get every little bit of it right in 20 questions. i failed that screenshot test big time for the local bank. bc i can't math and i felt way too rushed.

there's so many job descriptions you have to dodge bc they don't list salary properly (eg monthly figures i've seen for writing jobs or one for working for influencers i saw last week) OR even AT ALL..... instead sometimes they just "profile salary match" bc they don't want to pay jack fucking shit. overly presumptuous and fucking patronizing as all fuck small business owners who are SO FUCKING sanctimonious about the supposed importance of working in a FAMILY OWNED small business as opposed to a MuLtInAtIoNaL where apparently "you can just go home and forget about work! not HERE!" that's such a massive red flag. since they think that, from the outset, they have the RIGHT to treat APPLICANTS like they have shit-for-brains for 85k a year...... and begging for this specific attribute in the JD from applicants:

that hey. maybe it's not fucking worth applying for that and losing my sanity over ANOTHER god-awful boss and a 2hr commute to work (ie it was in southwestern sydney which is a 2hr commute for me where i live). also, as a caveat. who the fuck has had stable employment since 2020???? since the worldwide fucking pandemic??? where so many industries have laid off droves and droves of employeess??? and it's still happening?? like ok given this was as a HR admin support position and i assume a lot of HR people had career stability during the last 4 years. but also. what the ACTUAL fuck.

i am TRYING to get any fucking job possible. but it's hard to take some jobs seriously. these are the attributes of some influencer advertising/marketing firm and one of their "KPI's/company values was "honor" and was like "honor the vibes and the company" or whatever the fuck i found on indeed last week:

it's also hard to take some admin jobs seriously. for example, a local wealth management firm DOESN'T list the salary of a customer service/admin/whatever the fuck else they called it "rockstar/superstar"position..... that DEMANDS the desired candidate does the job of the equivalent of 6 other people in their branch whilst ALSO doing the admin work of their two other regional offices. what the fuck is the pay for this position??? why won't you list it??? is just THAT GOOD AND HIGH???? or just THAT LOW AND AWFUL???? fucking list it, you dumb cowardly bastards.

again, i've been trying to get any job for the past fucking year, that i've finally started to slightly dumb down my resume by finally deleting my advanced diploma of marketing. it's a daily fucking struggle to not go feral and start bitch-posting on my linkedin about how fucked up the job market is. but obvs i can't do that when have Shit HR and other people from my first job lurking on my LI feed. or start a tiktok parodying the goddamned motherfucking mindfuck tactics of the useless fucking job market before throwing my 12 year old laptop out the fucking window. "just get any job" is NOT possible anymore when that "just any job" in retail or call centres (although rip me for leaving after barely a month bc a shitty call centre i worked for in feb/march this year REFUSED to fix a backend issue on THEIR END but kept blaming it on me and it ruined my training period).... are just so mind fucky and tiring that it's straight up NOT even worth applying.

it's straight up not worth applying to a job that some local social service org sends you directly on seek (or maybe another job site) bc they think you fit the profile for a traineeship in business admin. only then, when you apply you're marked "unlikely to progress" bc you decided to list your desired salary at the higher end (apparently) of the trainee pay grade in australia (50k) bc you believe you shouldn't be expected to stay at 45k for TWO MORE FULL YEARS during that traineeship (with a vain hope that hopefully, HOPEFULLY, they'll keep you on at the end of it)... bc you NEED to start paying off your student loans automatically through your pay. BUT. oh no. that was too high of an ask for your quals/experience apparently. they WANTED you to low ball at 45k (or even lower) and be happy about it. so they reject you. when THEY sent YOU the job.

it's not worth trying to get "just any job", when famously even food chains in the US, like i think it's panera bread (and also walmart) are using 2 hour avatar-esque personality tests to screen ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE out of the pool except for like 2 people. every second job i get suggested on linkedin is just applicant pooling websites (or straight up scams where the pay is ONLY listed in US $$) where businesses just straight up ignore your applications bc they forgot they even made an account on it (imo) so you HAVE to make an account on THEIR actual site..... when some dumb-ass career-advice-fluencer on my fb feed (and the tik of the tok) tells you that's exactly how you get your application ignored, while flogging THEIR applicant pooling and job searching/resume writing AI advice software website.

"just any job before you get THE job", my fucking ass. this no longer fucking possible. and also cut the shit about overworking yourself to death with 10,000 different side hustles. bc that's exactly how i i nearly fucking died in 2020 at 20 fucking 5 in hospital with a stomach tumour..... after TOO MANY years of uni where the supposed importance of "innovative systematic entrepreneurial flair go-getter thinking of the future" was being espoused to me on the fucking daily. like dgmw, i know people are doing side hustles in these fucked up high cost of living times (and also im actively thinking about doing door dash since NO ONE is bothering to hire me)... but god the "if you have time to have down time with netflix why arent you filling your time with 15 side hustles to get your net worth to 1 million bucks??????" is fucked up. let people NOT work themselves to death outside of the mandatory 2 full time and 1 part time or casual or any other mix of jobs that people just need to fucking SURVIVE today.

[teddy-feathers]

I graduated highschool in 09.

I remember wanting to go around topless like the boys as a child and it being akward af when i tried.

i remember making fun of anyone who didn't conform to the norm from my best childhood friend liking pink as a boy to laughing at a boy who told me he was ace in college because that "wasnt allowed".

i remember my parents giving me talks about dating and always being told it was okay if i brought home a girl instead of a boy and me insisting that i was straight because "i wasnt anything special" like being gay.

I remember never being girly but being told Id be so pretty if I just tried.

I remember wishing I'd been a boy as a child to wanting to be one of the boys as a teen to wishing Id been born a gay guy in highschool.

I remember telling the guys who liked me they didnt know what was in my pants to get them to leave me alone.

i remember my best friend testing her girl voice on me for the first time and me telling her it was weird and scared me.

I remember having sex because it was something to check off a list - and then litterally making lists in my head while it was happening because it held no interest.

I remember loving stories where girls disguised themselves as boys and being disappointed when the ruse was discovered or revealed or ended.

I remember hating when people got crushes on me because it felt like my friendship just wasnt good enough.

I remember knee jerk reactions to anything outside the norm and i remember doing and trying things i didnt want simply because they were "supposed" to be happening.

I remember learning about things and feeling small minded and stupid and over compensating.

i remember being jealous no envious of people being trans.

I remember figuring out that being aro and ace were allowed and realizing if i had the words i would have labled myself so long ago and been happy and never gone though the mess of relationships and experiences i did.

I remember waking up every day telling myself that im not special that im not trans because its still happening even though ive never wanted anything more.

"no one labled themsleves or said they were another gender or or or before"

they did

they would have

they didnt but

they were punished for it - in big ways yes but in small ways too.

i laughed at the first person who told me he was ace - im ace

i was scared of my best friend hinting she was trans - im trans

theres so much shit weve internalized. and like i get the knee jerk reaction to people labling themselves differently - people weren't allowed to be these things and even when they were they were considered special (bad) or rare and like were now seeing that it isnt rare its just not been allowed like being lefthanded wasnt allowed

and yeah maybe there are those who are confused or stright up lying. maybe im one of them. but despite what youve been trained to believe its not a bad thing to be special or want to be special

especially in a time where we're trying to change it from special (bad) to normalized.

[arlecchno]

5 hours of sleep squad …. i honestly dont know how well i sleep but today i had a dream and alhaitham and kaveh were in it (i only got to chat w haitham tho) i was in this gigantic ass library type thing and it looked so cool , the entire thing was made out of dark brown wood and it was so pretty (i actually had another dream where i was in the same building before where i was running errands around the “school” HAHAH) but yeah since it was a library / school type place i was obviously there to learn shiz and — this is the weird part — the lesson was on dreams !!!!!!! and like bro ?? are my dreams becoming self aware ? 😨 i thought the lesson was interesting but alhaitham tried to gaslight me into not liking it (an exaggeration , he just thought i was lying when i said it was interesting) i think he was supposed to be like ,,, a helper to me in the dream idfk it was funky as hell - sorry for going off on a tangent about my dream LMFAO

WHSJSJ fischl is my baby shes one of the first 4*s i got and i kinda relate to her on some level , i too love playing pretend , but mostly when i was younger id pretty much spend all my recess roleplaying with my friends . trying to imitate my favorite characters is a pastime ive always enjoyed , and it honestly makes me insanely happy when people say i kinda act like my faves (ig its smth i do subconsciously LOL) because its like “WAIT . THEY THINK IM LIKE THIS INSANELY COOL CHARACTER I LOVE WITH A BURNING PASSION ???? [inaudible screaming]” recently ive found myself a new genshin rp friend and . dude . id never have thought that playing as alhaitham would be so goddamn fun . screenies for funnies:

(making cynos joke was so much fun too so i included it)

bro i lost my mf 50/50 to jeAN on haithams banner - not even a diluc , tall men hate me ig LMAO and it really doesnt help that ive been drained as hell from school lately so ive been slacking w my fricking primo farming ;_;

YESS the fungi event was lovely but tbh … the entire event i was just yelling about how i wanted to see cyno HAHAHAH - i suffer with chronic writers block (/hj) so . like . [dead alex sound]

GREAT NEWS my injury has healed hooray !!

absolutely , escaping school is great , id probably go on more field trips if it didnt mean id have to do makeup work tbh , i hate doing makeup work .

DINGDINGDING ! YOU ARE CORRECT ! the region i was going for was indeed mondstadt ! aster (my oc) lives in mond and is originally from khaenriah , im glad i didnt draw in their face yet because their eyes wouldve totally given away the fact they were khaenriahn LOL

my week was honestly pretty busy (atleast to my tiny brains standards , i feel like you could also tell by how long it took me to send another ask 😭😭) i had two tests today (that i frickin ACED HAHA im so proud of myself) one of my friends and some guy i share a bunch of classes with also gave me pieces of their cotton candy and the guy told me good job for actually doing my work LMFAO (i usually fall asleep in that class … haha ,,) and one of my other friends complained about also wanting food so i called him friendless (even though i thought the guy who gave me a piece of cotton candy didnt like me so i dont think he counts as a friend ??) my friend also recently introduced me to a series they liked and now im practically obsessed because DELICIOUS . i also recently did heizous hangout quest and GODDAMN he - he is so . im so gay for this detective motherfucker i was practically screaming at my ipad … haha …… heizou is honestly so my type he has such a way with words and i DO NOT know why a lot of npcs / characters in game talk about him negatively how do people not like him - yeah but i also almost went on a full genshin lore tangent to my ipad because of my uncontrollable urge to explain things SMH . oh my god the part where heizou said that he wanted us to be his partner all the time and i just straight up actually screamed , yes heizou ill be your partner forever if yk what i mean - HAHAHAH i also made a collection of goofy genshin triangles on one of my friends old schoolwork in math class hehe

aaaanyways id like to return your question ! how have your recent days been ? and if you dont deem anything of note or dont want to share , if you could choose anyone in genshin to share a house / be roommates with who would you choose ? (since these are again two questions , if you want , fire back two as well !) also , dude i have a terrible habit of rambling like crazy , so i totally dont mind if you ramble and stuff in replies (because i do that wayy too much as well LOL)

— jellyfish

HELLOO TO YOU!!!! your dream sounds so funny LOL in the 2 years i've played genshin i've never had any genshin characters appear in my dreams,,, it's always boring ones that revolve around my life. but nevertheless your dream made me imagine how alhaitham would act around you 😭 and the way he tried to gaslight you LMAO he's so cute and goofy

haha i love how enthusiastic you are about fischl!!! we all have that one character that we have an undying love for to the point that everyone you know in life knows them (for me that'd be kazuha,, every time someone sees him it'd just remind them of me hehe)

THE RPS LMAO “i just find you rather annoying.” THAT'S SUCH AN ALHAITHAM THING TO SAY!!! also i'm pretty oblivious so this just made me realize that the denial is a river in egypt tiktok meme is also pointing out the fact that the nile. is a river. in egypt???? i just found out it's a wordplay thing???? denial (the nile)???? damn i really thought it's like a random word being thrown to make it seem exaggerated or something 😭😭😭 i'm really dumb LMAO how did i not figure that out sooner 🙁🙁🙁 the fact that i know the nile is a river in egypt is embarrassing too like it never occurred to me to piece the puzzles together...

man that sucks 😭😭 i remember when you messaged me on genshin talking about it LOL please humbly accept my offer of my c2 diluc to you,,, he's been in my hands far too long and i cannot fathom the fact that he keeps appearing in my 50/50's (tighnari pls come home i beg). i was on a 50/50 for haitham too and the very loud sigh of relief i let out when he finally came home is insane. i've basically farmed everything in the new area (i have 99% exploration progress now due to it) and have milked my welkin for him so i'm glad he actually came home... the things i'd do if diluc appeared in screen instead should be left unsaid 🤗

YAYY GLAD TO HEAR YOU'RE WELL NOW!!!

aster is such a badass name and the fact that they're originally from khaenriah???? awesome as hell. hope they're besties with kaeya because that would be totally legen... wait for it, dary!!!! (cue my love for barney in himym i just had to quote him)

also very glad to see that your week has been going okay!!! would love some cotton candy rn tbh they're so good </3

and heizou's hangout quest.... honestly same. i haven't exactly finished all of the endings but i've done some and it made me squeal and giggle every time he flirted with us 😭 made me feel like a total loser with his charming words bro i can't believe the npcs in game have such negative views on him because me personally if i was in the game, i'd immediately fold for him the second he breathes in front of me HAHA i'm . not weird at all.

my week has been slow actually, i finished my finals a while ago so we have nothing to do now so i've been doing absolutely nothing at school LOL! senior year is coming up soon so i might be more busy and focusing more on my studies... it's sure gonna be hell for me.

and recently i've been packing up my stuff because i'm moving out!! (hence why i haven't posted a new asphodelus chapter lol i've been so busy). it's been rather slow for me tho since i have a lot of stuff and it's kinda hard to choose the ones i'd have to throw or give away because like,, i love all of my stuff 😭 my mom has helped me with some but i still got a shit ton of stuff to declutter. basically everything is a mess rn

other than that, i think everything's been a-okay! i'm just reaally busy with irl stuff now but i think i can survive through them :D (i hope i do because i am one inch away from going insane). also my mom's been trying to convince me to drive lately since i'm supposed to start now but i have been avoiding it,,, it's scary being on the road and i am far from ready to risk my life 😔

as for your question, i think out of everyone, i'd choose kazuha. before you say anything, i'm trying to not be as biased as i can since like kazuha is my favourite character ever— but yeah, i think i can accept the terms of living with the kaedehara kazuha. he's such a nice guy and although he's a very very lightweight and behind all that charming looks he's a pretty scary guy himself (cue that scene where he threatened that treasure hoarder in the archon quest that he'd brand his forehead with hot iron) i think i could actually survive living with him. he'd do his set of chores, i'd do mine, everyone gets their happy ending. if i were to live with my other favs like kuni and alhaitham i think i would just die. kuni would be rude as fuck and alhaitham would just bully his way out from doing our shared chores. i cannot deal with them. (i'm sorry my sweethearts i'll do you two justice one day)

time to give a question to you!!! how's your progress in genshin going? (it can be exploration wise, storyline, anything) and what's your current main genshin team rn :0

hope you're having a great day!!! it was fun talking with you hehe i've been dying to get an ask since the blog has been real quiet lately, and i'm glad it's you! have a wonderful day ahead :P

[averysmolkirbo]

ok so im not sure what the hell happened here or what my mom's intentions really were here but when i got my neurodivergence testing they also did a depression test idk just cuz and while i eventually found out i had both adhd and asd i was never updated on the depression part of the test. i figured they just didnt have any results on it or something so i wasnt super worried about it. (In hindsight tho, im pretty sure i said directly to the person testing me that "the only reason i havent k1lled myself yet is because there's nothing in our house to do it" as in, i was totally willing to, but just didnt have a method of doing so which probably shouldve at least raised SOME kind of red flag. like i literally just admitted i was su1c1dal and you seemingly dont care??)

so like a couple years later. I just happen to be going through some stuff in my room and find my report, and just decide to read out of curiosity, just see what it actually says.

revelation number one, there WAS results on the depression test. like an entire portion of the results was that.

revelation number two, the results said i was CLINICALLY DEPRESSED.

I WAS NEVER FUCKING TOLD THAT PART????

i asked my mom about it, and she point blank said SHE THOUGHT IT WASNT IMPORTANT????? TO YOU, MAYBE! BUT I DONT KNOW IT WOULDVE BEEN FUCKING NICE TO KNOW THAT I HAD A LITERAL MENTAL DISORDER AND WASNT JUST A LAZY PIECE OF SHIT??? I HAD TO COME TO THAT CONCLUSION BECAUSE I HAD SPENT LIKE 2 YEARS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME AND COULDNT FIND ANYTHING OTHER THAN JUST CONCLUDING IT WAS MY FAULT. BRO. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TIME & PAIN I COULDVE SAVED IF I WAS JUST TOLD IN THE FIRST PLACE.

here's a quote from a rant note i made to myself when all this happened that i think describes this best;

"DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PERFECTLY FUCKING GOOD TIME & HOW MANY PERFECTLY GOOD OPPORTUNITIES FUCKING IVE LOST OVER THE LAST 3 YEARS BECAUSE I BELIVED IT WAS *MY* FAULT?? I HAVE LOST LITERAL YEARS BECAUSE THE PEOPLE WHO WERE SUPPOSED TO HELP ME DECIDED TO LEAVE OUT THE MOST IMPORTANT FUCKING PIECE OF INFORMATION FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES."

like ive seriously passed up so many 'normal' milestones i couldve hit if someone just fucking bothered to help me.

- i could never learn to drive properly because i had to leave my driving school because i kept having panic attacks while trying to drive

- i never got any kind of job

- I barely ever did things with the few friends i had

- i didnt do anything extracurricular and was doing the bare minimum in school because i was exhausted and miserable all the time.

i thought all of this was my fault, for like, YEARS??? like it was literally tearing me apart having to accept that nothing was wrong with me and that i was just ACTUALLY lazy and stupid and useless.

but worse than the fact that i was kept in the dark (willingly, btw), worse than all of the things i had lost because of this, the worst thing was still NOBODY was willing to help. when i confronted my mom about it (and oh yea i fucking hate confrontation btw) she first lied, then pretended like it wasnt an issue, and THEN refused to get any kind of help for it. she was all like "i dont want you on more cuz i dont want you to get worse" well first, im not even taking half of the stupid pills i have, so thats not an issue, and second, i dont think you understand there was 'worse' at that point. there was literally nothing to lose.

so yea, kinda hurts knowing the people you loved and trusted and were supposed to take care of you actually dont understand the first thing about you and seemingly dont care that much about you back and that you really are alone because of that.

Not telling your kid they have a learning disability, chronic illness, mental illness etc. so they can “feel normal” actually does the opposite. They will not feel normal if they do not have the context to understand that their normal will be different from that of their peers.

[sordid-dog]

ive never really talked about this as much as i do with other things

you dont have to reply to this or anything.im ok

really heavy topics and depictions of trauma and suicide and self harm and like. i dont know. fear ? mental health facilities and how fucked some are ?

i went to a youth crisis center once , my family was out of electricity and had to spend the time at my aunts house so i figured it would be better if i werent there so they didnt need to worry about me. i never told them that was the reason i went until after it all.

mostly it was fine . it was really boring. i was determined to make the other kids there happy so i played games with them and talked to them generally. the staff were fucking stupid. they didnt know how to handle traumatized teenagers. they brought up topics of family and such and nearly every other kid there burst into tears. im still so mad at the staff.

me and this other kid got along kinda well. it was nice .

at night we had curfew and i could never sleep well. the bed was uncomfortable and the lights werenr right. i kept getting up to eat because i wasnt used to eating that amount of food. i like having control over how much i eat. i kind of eat a lot .

they had these mac and cheese cups that i like. yesterday i had one of the same kind and thats the reason i thought of any of this. it still wasnt enough for me but at least it was familiar .

one night the same kid i got along with was having a breakdown. screaming, probably aggressive. i didnt know what was happening. ,it was either curfew, or the staff got every other kid in their rooms for safety. i dont remember.

what i do remember was being so scared. i was genuinely terrified that i was in danger. that i was going to get hurt. that other people were going to get hurt. that i was going to die. i didnt know what to do . i had brought this book in with me , it had a hard binding. and i had check earlier , the chair by the desk in the room was really really heavy.

i didnt know what to do i was scared and overwhelmed. so i hurt myself. i hit myself on the head over and over again and i hit my head on the wall, hit my head with the book binding, over and over again, in the same spot, over and over again. and the chair. i really wanted to crush my neck with it. i wanted to snap my neck. but ive always been a pussy about suicide. i got down to the floor and tested it but never actually tried . i just kept hitting myself

i donr know what happened to the kid. i dont think i saw them after that. i felt so bad for them. i went home eventually, i dont know when. i never went back there, not yet at least . my head was bruised i think. every time i touched it, it hurt a lot. even months after the fact, a year. maybe two years. i think it was phantom pain. sometimes when i touched the same spot, it hurt just like a bruise. it doesnt hurt anymore.

when i was at the crisis center, they gave me markers and paper to draw with. i had a blue marker. i drew a big wolf and a human figure. that was supposed to be me , the human, before i figured out what i was. this was before i Changed. thats the best i can describe it.

there was this word stuck in my head. it was about this thing in my mind. this hurt. i wrote it on the paper. i dont know where the paper went but i know what it said

festering

in sharp letters

something about that word has stuck with me since

[minniweekss]

sit your ass down this is a long one

idk what the fuck has been wrong with me lately but all i ever feel is rage. everything pisses me the fuck off. mom woke me up at 10:30, bad mood. yesterday i woke up at 1:30pm, pissed tf off. also dropped my coffee on my new shoes yesterday and then proceeded to knock my entire 24ounce tumbler of coffee off my desk and all over my fucking carpet so now im even more pissed off trying to clean this fuck shit up with stupid ass paper towels knowing that my carpet is now fucked forever.

now heres the embarassing part. my mom witnessed my entire rage fit. screaming, flailing, throwing shit around my room and quite literally destroying my room just because some coffee spilled on my run. quite literally was my last straw.

now lets throw it back to the 26th, my birthday. I wake up with fucking covid (didnt know it was covid until the 28th). My mom leaves for NC that morning. we were supposed to do a birthday breakfast but since i was sick she just straight up left and we didnt do anything. so i spent the weekend alone with mike. Friday night i spent alone in my room with my little piece of cake and Love Island. then i went to work the next day (with a mask ofc) and worked a 9.5 hour shift while swaying and seeing black spots. oh lemme mention it was opening weekend of the new deadpool movie so it was fucking busy to say the least.

Anyways this whole weekend im literally alone. me myself and i. mom comes back, suddenly mike is sick. guess what? she buys him soup, fruit, juice, medicine, literally anything he needs. When i told my mom i had covid and was taken off the work schedule for the rest of the week she told me i should have said my test was negative so i could work anyways. ma'am im fucking sick with a very contagious disease are you fucking fr. while you're letting mike sit here and act like hes on his fucking death bed. suuuuuure.

now lets back it up even more to the weekend before my birthday. i had to celebrate that weekend bc i couldnt get the weekend of the 26th off bc of, you guessed it, deadpool. anyways. we were taking this blacksmithing class that i had my eye on for MONTHS. now im the one in the group to be known as the fantasy/medieval lover. i was quite literally writing a book about a blacksmith so. I was extremely excited for this class and i was trying to keep up with pics and videos of the progress cuz it looked like none of my friends were taking videos. I noticed a few here and there but didnt really think of it cuz i was so focused on making my knife. we get out of the class and back home and im sending all the pics and vids that i took and they did the same, and there were a lot more videos than i thougt. not a single one was me. i dont want to sound like a bitch saying like oh record me im important, no. But i was very excited for the class and i was trying my best to get videos of my own progress and they literally saw me doing that and didnt think to get a video of me making it? every single person that was in my group got a nice video of them tinkering away, while im seen in the background of the videos.

like quite literally one of them got a video of her doing each fucking step. why tf was i being ignored. they were barely even talking to me dude they were all talking to each other and im over here like ok i guess ill just focus on my knife then. there were a lot of cool tricks i was doing with the instructor, but i couldnt take a video bc blacksmithing needs both fucking hands. and i was too embarassed to ask for a video. i feel like i shouldnt have to ask..... the trick we did was called a double strike. the instructor did it with one of my friends and literally everyone whipped their phone out for a video. then a few mins later he came up to me and asked if i wanted to try and i was so excited. it was making me feel like a orc in mordor or something i thought this shit was so fucking cool. anyway we start, and i look around and not one person is even watching. cool.

idk i usually really dont like photos or videos of me cuz i hate the way i look so much, but this is probably the one thing i wanted a video of and didnt get one. i should have fucking asked them to take videos but i didnt think about it until we were home and i noticed that everyone else got a video of themselves. i was like "oh!" so i couldnt really post for my birthday cuz i didnt fucking have any pictures to post. literally all i got is a group picture with the instructors.....

to be fucking honest it felt like i was the third wheel when it was my planned event. not even just an event, but my 25th birthday. i feel like ever since then ive been agitated and annoyed all the time, especially with my friends. im becoming short tempered with them now. i dont think its a direct correlation to the blacksmithing at all i think its cuz my attitude has been so sour lately.

this post is all over the place so bear with me ok. im gonna jump around a lot. another thing that sets me off is when i text my friends either questions or plans i need them to confirm and they take 5 fucking day to respond to me, like shit i dont fucking need it now. idk i just cant be friends with someone who wont answer my messages like how the fuck are we supposed to talk if you dont even respond. im talking to myself at this point.

and my close close friends do this to me too so its making me become more distant with them because my biggest mode of communication is through text. because realistically i NEVERRRRRRRR see my friends. its a once every three months event okay. so you cannot judge me for being a big texter and wanting my friends to respond to me. i really dont want to feel like im fucking begging for your attention. i shouldnt HAVE to beg for your attention. I pretty much have two friends i send everything to and they're both out of state so... i cant even get my fucking in state friends to talk to me.

all of this to say im angry and lonely. im always angry in some form, im like the fucking hulk bro it takes the smallest fucking thing to set me off. and im so lonely all the fucking time cuz as you can tell, my friends dont fucking text me, i dont have any siblings either so its like wtf do i do. The only time i get human interaction is at work with stupid fucking customers. also dont have a partner cuz i didnt experience romantic love in high school or college so i fear its over for me. 25, havent been in a single relationship. not even joking bro not 1. ive had maybe 3 people like me before: my friend in HS when i wasnt even romantically processing things yet, a dude from work who only wanted to fuck, and a friend from college who iced me out when i said no.

idk i think thats SO comforting only having 3 people in your entire 25 years to be interested in you. that i know of at least. but out of those 3, only 1 asked me out so its like ok. even when i go out with friends they're the ones that get approached or flirted with by everyone. like at blacksmithing dude the cute instructors were flirting w all my friends and then when they got to me they'd be talking all business... cool thanks i get it im ugly as shit ok. i dont think theres ever been a girl or guy in public thats even checked me out. girls dont even go for me so thats fucking great. idk dude this type of shit makes me feel like im genuinely ugly. i know thats probably not true but thats how i see myself and how ive seen myself for years. i have never liked my face. ever. its always been my biggest insecurity. when covid first started and we wore masks i was fucking thriving having half my face covered. i looked so much better.

cant even try dating apps bc im demisexual so i cant even build a connection like that. and this time is all about hook up culture and friends w benefits its like i dont want that shit bro. i want an emotional connection with someone first before it gets physical because im fucking scared. I already hate myself so why would i let some stranger see my gross naked body bro ew. i cant do this dating shit brother i am genuonely about to be single for the rest of my goddamn life. which might be the end of me considering no one can fucking afford to live by themselves anymore and i REALLY dont want to live with a friend and their partner cuz that would just make me fucking depressed about my own love life.

screw the fucking world. im over this stupid ass shit dude, people fucking suck. relationships suck. friends suck. work sucks. life fucking sucks. cant afford to do anything, 25, still living at my fucking moms house. its like im stuck int he same spot and not moving forward. time seriously stopped in 2020 cuz what the fuck do you mean im 25 and not 20. i lost sooo much time to the pandemic and it made me worse. it made me more anxious, more depressed, more scared to go outside and enjoy life. like i used to be so productive. I was going to school and working 40 hrs a week. and now im only working 42hrs a week and i can barely get out of bed on my days off.

as i get older it just seems like life gets worse and worse. like i dont see this picking up at all. i literally only see a downward spiral from here.

life is absolute hell that is only sprinkled with good moments. idk if the good moments are enough to outweigh the bad at this point. idek if i want to make it to 30. im so miserable here. i dont even have any family in this stupid state except my mom. llike i dont have siblings and i barely have a fucking family either. dont talk to my aunt or cousins, dont talk to my oma cuz she hates me, barely talk to my other grandparents bc they're insane. its like i literally only have my mom. ,everyone else i know can go swing by their cousins place and hang out or spend the night. ive never been able to do that. my aunt left the state two months before my mom had me. like literally everyone related to me has moved away. like if i was close with my cousins at least thered be SOME family i could actually talk to and be close to. nah dude. its just me and my mom, literally. that is so fucking sad.

god help me bro

[thechaoticplayer]

Questions for you, because you're smart;

What is your opinion on the role of Communism in modern society?

How do you balance personal ambition with the needs and expectations of ypur family and community?

How do you reconcile the pursuit of beauty with the current societal and cultural that often perpetuate harmful physical standards?

IM NOT FUCKING SMART I TOLD U THIS

Well, as I grew up in the US, I've been basically taught that Communism was bad due to yk, the USSR. Even though the USSR was on the allies side, we clearly didnt share almost all the same views (an enemy of my enemy is my friend type shit) and then blam the USSR collapsed. I dont think it's a major problem in society now, as democracy kinda took over nationwide. I dont see much Communists (I'm in america duh- however the us doesnt mind what you think as long as you arent problematic with it) so I dont really have a strong opinion about it

ARGHHH THIS ONE. To be totally fair, my ambitions aren't really solid, I guess you can say? I just do what my parents want 😭😭 I want to live life without stressing over things that wont even matter in the future, like tf I'm never going to find the angle of a triangle when I'm 70 something years old king 😭🙏 and of course, my parents push me bc they want the best life for me as possible, but I kinda disagree with them at times because I'm comfortable where I'm at at this point. So I guess I focus on one thing at a time- let's for example i have a history test tmrw and a math test tuesday. My parents are expectant of me to get at least a passing grade on my math test bc I'm not really good at math (eugh trig...), however if I remain focusing on the math test there isnt a guarantee I'll get a good grade for history tmrw. So I'm taking one step at a time, prioritize which task is of the utmost importance and all that. As for my community, I dont really interact with them much, I prefer to stay locked up in my house instead- so I suppose just put what needs to come first first and not stress about everything so much, it'll all come together soon

BROTHER THIS ACTUALLY IS SO TRUE. Well first up I try not to care about how society tries to portray as "ideal beauty" because the idea of beauty is fluid, no? A person can think this is beautiful, and another could think that is beautiful. It really depends on the person, but theres always a dominating trait that is "desired", for example, a lot of guys I know want a girl with a big dump truck. I obviously do not have this and I could care less about having it. I'm also very fucking scrawny, and most people I know always are like, "why are you so skinny, do you not eat?" Like dude I have fast metabolism what can I say- personally, I kinda dont care and do care what society thinks as "ideal". I think having that half and half feeling for that is good because you dont want to destroy yourself just because sOcIeTy said so. As long as you're happy and confident with who you are, how you look, etc, people will find that alone beautiful and admirable. Just own your shit royalty 👑 also I lie to myself 🙏 JS PLAYING LMAO

[just-existing-as-you-do-blog]

I know exactly what you mean with the weight thing, and the period thing as my problems are mostly related to my debilitating periods.

Big TW for my gross medical stuff and for my rage

I loose too much blood, enough that I lost my sense of smell for five years and don't have many memories from the worst of my illness. I get nauseous from the pain. I can't stand. They never ended too, I didn't realize I was in constant pain until I switched to a medical implant and it finally stopped, I've never felt more euphoric.

Anyway it took four doctors until we found one that would look at me, I don't remember that bit. And we finally found one who finally did an ultrasound and we discovered that my uterus is an odd shape, but it didn't explain much of anything, it just showed that I don't have endometriosis. I was referred to a hemotologist but she didnt look at me the whole time I was in that room. She asked my dad what my symptoms were, she stopped listening after bad periods. I went to a new doctor for a second opinion and when I told her I passed out sometimes she said that "I'm just a teenager with a bad period." But I couldn't walk without support anymore, it felt like every day I got weaker. I needed to use a cane, I didn't use it I decided it was better to fall over than have more people thinking I was faking it.

The medicine they put me on made me gain weight. I was skinny all my life before that. Then suddenly everyone was telling me that I'd feel better if I exercised more and ate better. I didn't mind the weight if it meant I could stand sometimes, go on occasional walks. The doctors acted like it was the worst side effect I could have possibly gotten from my medicine but I didn't care. I just wanted to live.

Then I turned 18, and happy birthday let's try a slightly dangerous implant instead of the pills. The implant works great, I stopped getting my period entirely, there is color in my face, I have the energy to shower, I never pass out anymore, I can walk long distances without having to lean on someone. That bit suprised me, how long I can walk now, I walked in a parade.

All anyone noticed is that I lost weight. I can stand for long periods now. My freckles are darker and there are more of them. I have color in my face. My memory is better. I don't have constant brain fog. And all anyone has noticed is that I lost weight.

I have been advised by doctors never to have my period again, but this implant will only last two more years. Then I can either delay four more years or I can pursue a surgical solution and go through four more doctors until I find one that will agree to do it.

And not one person is interested in diagnosing me. Not even if I ask for it. Not even if I beg. I don't have endometriosis so there couldn't possibly be anything wrong.

I've stopped trying to convince them. I wonder if they'll name what I have after me or someone else.

It would be nice if I had some proof so I could get accommodations for my disability, but beggars can't be choosers I suppose.

Anyway incase it isn't entirely clear I avoid doctors like the plague, not one has helped me even once.

Fuck them. I wouldn't wish my pain on my worst enemy but I would wish a quarter of it on every doctor who didn't try to help me.

Someone has to look into it because misogyny in the medical industry will be what kills me. I hope the surgery helps, I hope I have the money for it in two years. I hope I can find a surgeon who will agree to it. I hope it helps because my blood tests still aren't coming back normal, but maybe they will one day.

Sorry that's dark isn't it? I didn't even describe the worst of it, or all my symptoms. I really did think I was going to die for a while, but I fought and I lived.

And no one can tell me what's wrong.

I don't even know who to blame for it.

no clue what causes pcos. no clue what causes endometriosis. 2 year waiting lists to see a gynecologist. you'd think female bodies only started existing 50 years ago