#no one is used to xl being so forward

[cecropiacrown]

"What!?" Shi Qingxuan gasps, leaning forward from their place sprawled on He Xuan's lap. One hand flits to their chest while their other reaches forward to wave dramatically in Xie Lian's direction, an ornery little grin on their face.

"A-Lian," they chide, unserious. "You lost it?"

Xie Lian wrinkles his nose at that, smiling a bit awkwardly.

Mu Qing and Feng Xin have been sitting off to the side, arguing about their current game of cards, but Feng Xin perks up at the change in conversation, looking like he may be getting ready to interject. Mu Qing, with his thin face a little red from secondhand embarrassment, has been pretending to not be listening. After all, the two of them are quite well-aware of what Xie Lian is talking about, considering they share an apartment with him.

Mu Qing thumps Feng Xin on the chest with the back of his hand before he has a chance to go and say something stupid. Feng Xin just shoots him a confused and angry look and licks his lips like he's getting ready to speak anyway. With a sigh and a heavy eyeroll, Mu Qing knocks his knee against Feng Xin's for emphasis. The action pulls a groan from Feng Xin and a muttered 'bitch', but successfully discourages him from doing whatever it was he was going to do.

The two of them make a big show of stacking their cards together and splitting them in half so they each have a section to shuffle.

Xie Lian watches his friends being unsubtle and completely ridiculous and sighs after a moment, shaking his head.

“Ah, I've never liked that saying. I didn't lose it, I actually gave it away quite willingly, haha…”

Hua Cheng takes this moment to slink back from the kitchen with a can of sparkling water in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other. He hands the sparkling water to Xie Lian, who takes it with a quiet ‘thank you, San Lang’ and a small smile.

“Did I miss something?" Hua Cheng asks in a low voice directed solely to Xie Lian. He pointedly ignores everyone else as he plops down onto the couch and—whether to show off or just because he is the way he is—Hua Cheng uses his teeth to crack the cap off his beer bottle. He flicks the cap onto the coffee table and settles in comfortably beside Xie Lian, leaning against the back of the couch as he takes a leisurely sip.

Xie Lian bites his lip, his arm slung over the back of the couch behind Hua Cheng as he makes to lean into his space to whisper to him. Shi Qingxuan, however, beats him to it.

“Hua Cheng!" they gush, grinning from ear to ear. Hua Cheng closes his eye like the sound of their voice is grating to him and sighs before looking in Shi Qingxuan's direction, a cold and mirthless smile on his lips.

"What?" he deadpans, clearly uninterested as he takes another sip of his drink.

"Did you know our dear Lianlian isn't a virgin anymore?”

Hua Cheng sputters, choking on his drink, and breaks into a small coughing fit.

Xie Lian winces and quickly works to soothe Hua Cheng, alternating between patting him on the back and rubbing little circles between his shoulder blades. Hua Cheng's normally pale features have gone red from the exertion. Mu Qing snorts at the scene but otherwise stifles his laugh—unlike Feng Xin whose own laugh startles out into the room, earning him a sharp look of disapproval from Xie Lian.

Poor Shi Qingxuan is at a loss, pouting as they slump back against He Xuan's chest and cross their arms.

“Well, uh," Xie Lian starts, smiling sheepishly as he shifts his hand down from Hua Cheng's back to hold him gently at his waist.

"You could say that San Lang was actually the first to know..?”

"Gege!"

[a-bit-too-much-of-a-zelda-fan]

I feel like a kid on Christmas. I'm finally making some real use of my 3DS being homebrewed. I figured out how to install my 3DS cartridges onto the console so I don't need the carts to play. I also figured out NDS game forwarding, so I can have icons for those too. What you're looking at is every mainline Zelda game that the 3DS can run. Every one from Zelda 1 to Four Swords, and the handhelds from there onward. It's only the Wii U and Switch ones that I can't play here on my little ol' gold Zelda New 3DS XL. This is so epic. Mind you I've owned all of these since 2015. It's just having them all here without needing the carts that makes me so excited.

I've also packed Ocarina of Time 3D and Majora's Mask 3D full of mods for quality of life and to make them just a bit more faithful to the N64 releases. Read below for the mods I've installed! They all work on 3DS, not just Citra!

Nerrel on YouTube has an excellent review of MM3D that points out its severe shortcomings as a faithful remaster of the original. Thankfully, there are multiple mods that fix both gameplay and aesthetic problems.

Project Restoration by Leoetlino, which fixes every gameplay issue and adds even more quality of life features.

N64 OST to 3DS by DeathWrench. Gets rid of the reverb that Grezzo slathered on the soundtrack.

Classic Texture Packs by Solt 11, based on Citra-only mods by Loch Ness Hamster. They make Link's transformations look much more faithful. (I deleted the file for Hylian Link though because I like Grezzo's take on him)

Even if you don't care for the texture packs, Project Restoration easily makes MM3D the best way to experience Majora's Mask, whether on Citra or original hardware.

OoT3D is a much more faithful remaster, with virtually no changes to the gameplay while only enhancing visuals and adding optional QoL features like motion aiming. There are still some areas where it fell short, like how some of the game's horror elements were sanitized. So I threw on a bunch of mods for that too. Most of them are just aesthetic, but two are really game changing. First, the aesthetic.

Invisible Sheikah Stone by Takeshre. They're still there if you need them but don't visually distract anymore. There is a MM3D version, but Citra only.

Art-Faithful Fairies by Takeshre (3DS port by JoesephMother in comments). This one is just neat. Pointy wings!

N64 Dialogue Font by Takeshre. The original font has so much character compared to what Grezzo replaced it with, and now it's back!

Original Dead Hand by Loch Ness Hamster (3DS port by JoesephMother in comments). Finally some of the horror back.

Now the gamechangers.

Standalone Free Cam by Roberto-Nessy. Goodness this breathes some fresh life into the game. As far as Nintendo is concerned, OoT is still the only 3D Zelda to not have free cam. The original 3DS couldn't support one, but the New 3DS and Citra certainly can. Boom bam, free cam!

Unmirror Master Quest by HylianFreddy. Okay so maybe this is just huge and gamechanging to me, but listen. I'm left-handed. I identify so very strongly with Link's character, and it makes me very happy whenever he is left-handed. That said, I dislike that OoT3D and TPHD mirror the game world in their respective hard modes simply because they make Link right-handed. This mod completely fixes the issue for me in OoT3D at least. I actually want to play Master Mode now.

Note that these two are both implemented using a file called "code.ips", so they cannot be used together unless they are merged into one ips file. Which you can do easily with the tool in method 2 of this guide.

So yeah I'm a happy camper. If you use any of the guides or mods I shared and found them cool or helpful, you're welcome! I found them all either by searching for them specifically or combing through the games' pages on Gamebanana.com. Enjoy!

[joys-of-everyday]

On the fifty shades of morally grey

So quick thoughts on how MXTX writes morally grey.

Sorry, I mean, excessively long meta post on how MXTX writes morally grey. Light spoilers for all three books.

A gazillion caveats to begin with. Firstly, I don’t want to argue about whether character x is morally good, bad, grey, pink or whatever. In my books, arguing about whether someone is or is not morally grey is like arguing whether a colour is green, blue, teal, or turquoise – we’re arguing definitions. To add to that, I’m not saying that concepts like ‘this person is overall good’ doesn’t exist, but I would posit that a morally unquestionable person does not exist. Secondly, I also don’t want to pass moral judgements on any of the characters. That’s for a different post. I strictly want to focus on the storytelling techniques that make the reader think ‘hang on a second, are they good or bad?’. Thirdly, this whole post is mainly based on How Arcane Writes MORAL AMBIGUITY (9 Methods, 4 Rules) - YouTube. Great video, great channel (no knowledge of Arcane required). Would recommend if you are interested in story writing techniques!

1) The information gap and the poor narrator

Best example is Shen Jiu from SVSSS. We barely know anything about Shen Jiu. Almost everything we know is from SQQ’s notoriously unreliable perspective, so we’re left to fill in the gaps ourselves. Depending on exactly how those gaps are filled, you can get two completely different people. E.g. Did he have designs of NYY, or was he just ridiculously misunderstood? Who knows! We’re never told. Even if we were told, we should doubt it because it’s SQQ telling us.

2) 4D characterisation

Schnee’s video goes into this in more details, but this is where you build two narratives on top of one another. Best example is Jin Guangyao from MDZS. Is he an underdog who did what he could out of his situation and tried his best to be a better person working for the good of the common people? Or is he a selfish, manipulative, ambitious snake who at every stage pretends to be good in order to win the favour of those around him? The point is that both narratives make sense in the story. There are moments that lean more one way or another, but you can never quite pin him down completely.

3) Moments of weakness

Best example is Xie Lian from TGCF. On the whole, XL is a wonderful human being who you 100% want to root for. Except… there was that one time he made a mistake. He let his hurt and pain overcome him; he became hurtful himself. The point here is to add in just a few ‘moments’ which fundamentally impacts how the rest of the world perceives them from that point forwards. They are forever trying to redeem themselves, forever weighed down by what is a tiny proportion of their life. The underlying question is ‘is a moment of weakness a moral failure?’

Another good example is Qi Rong from TGCF. On the whole, he’s a piece of s***. But then there are moments when he’s a genuinely good father to Guzi, and that’s confusing.

4) Well-intentioned idiot

Trying to do the right thing and absolutely failing. Best example is Wei Wuxian from MDZS. His intentions are always good. There are extremely few moments where he is selfish or overly cruel. He is always fighting for justice, always self-sacrificing, always kind. And yet the outcome of his actions is pretty bad. The underlying question is ‘should you judge a person based on their intent, or on the consequences of their actions?’

(btw the name of the method is from schnee’s video. No shade on WWX. He is very smart… well, unless it comes to LWJ’s feelings.)

5) Excuses

Yes, they’re bad. But we feel sorry for them! Almost everyone fits into this boat, because doesn’t MXTX love trauma dumping? As one example, let’s look at Jiang Cheng from MDZS. JC’s behaviour towards WWX is pretty bad on its own. But given the context of his childhood being compared to him, of having his self-esteem brutally crushed by both parents? Knowing how much he’s done and sacrificed for him, how much he truly cared for him as family? It hits different.

A small point: ‘excuses aren’t enough’ we say a lot (and I agree, to an extent). But compare, for example, Jin Guangshan vs Xue Yang. JGS seems to be a power-hungry asshole for absolutely no reason. On the other hand, put XY in different circumstances and we feel like he might have been a better person. Just as food for thought, there was a Japanese monk Honen (1133-1212) who said: ‘The good person can reach the Pure Land, so of course the evil person can as well’. The point being that the people who struggle with anger and hate because of their circumstances are most in need of salvation.

6) World building and presenting hard questions

What is acceptable sacrifice in war?

Is it okay to make a super dangerous weapon for the sake of deterrence?

How much personal responsibility does someone hold for a lifetime of circumstances pushing them towards a morally questionable path?

What are the responsibilities of a leader – to do what is right, or to do what is best for their people?

The world of MDZS is imperfect. It’s full of horrors and disasters, as well as a mob of outsiders all trying to impart their opinions despite knowing little about the situation. An imperfect world presents unanswerable questions. We see the characters struggle with these questions, come to decisions, and make mistakes, all naturally arising within the complex world that’s been presented. 

TGCF does this most explicitly. We literally have Kemo and Pei Xiu arguing about the ethics of war and XL concluding that it’s a Hard Question. In fact, every backstory of every Heavenly Official presents a new Hard Question. I don’t know if I like this method over the more subtle style of MDZS, but I have Thoughts about the storytelling styles of both (long story short, I love them both for different reasons).

7) Worlds are colliding

A slightly complicated method that takes a huge amount of set up. To summarise, set up two arcs that we the reader both feel invested in. Then set up a point where the ‘good’ outcome of one is the ‘bad’ outcome of another. For MDZS, we have 1) JC and WWX’s brotherhood arc. 2) WWX standing up for justice arc. They’re both merrily developing all the way through the conflict with the Wens… right until the moment WWX has to make a choice: stand up for justice and leave JC behind, or to fulfil his promises to JC and turn a blind eye to the injustices against the Wens. The decision is a lose-lose scenario because of the way these arcs have been set up.

8) Spectrums, Spectrums, we love Spectrums

Gongyi Xiao is a cinnamon roll. As is Wen Ning and Quan Yizhen. Meanwhile, the Old Palace Master? Literally no redeeming qualities. Wen Chao? Absolute scum. Then there’s everyone lying somewhere in between. We like Lan Wangji more than JC (I think that seems to be the case for most people?) but we certainly like JC more than JGS. Having a spectrum of morality is important because it gives us reference points to contrast and compare. It also emphasises the moral greyness of everything, because sure, Mu Qing isn’t a noodle like Shi Qingxuan, but is he worse than White No Face?

9) Spectrums aren’t enough – adding depth

Almost all of WWX’s moral ambiguity comes from the fact he has hard decisions to make. And for each of these decisions, the outcome is murky. He developed a new technique to fight against the Wens, but at what cost later down the line? He defended the Wens and gave them a few years of life, but was it worth it?

Compare with JGY. JGY does a lot of good. He also does a lot of bad. The magnitude of both lists is ridiculous. Sure, you wouldn’t usually find someone who’s killed most of their family members in any way likable, but how often do you come across someone who literally ended a war?

So one way of creating moral ambiguity is to make each decision difficult, but another way to go about it is to just… make them do loads of things. Like loads of things. Good things, bad things, all the in between things. Judging each thing is not that hard, but then trying to judge the overall person based on it is extremely difficult.

10) Pulling from the real world

Often, moral questions in fiction is hard because (surprise, surprise) moral questions are just hard full stop. Idk enough Chinese history and culture to accurately pin down all of MXTX’s references, but things like stupid misunderstands leading to conflict, poverty and inequality, less than ideal family situations, the horrors of war… these are all things that happen irl. No matter how fantastical the setting, grounding moral conflicts in reality makes us feel more emotional and invested.

Anyway, I hope that was an enjoyable rundown! This is an imperfect list, so comments, criticisms, suggestions greatly appreciated!

[suitepea]

I know you gained like 75 pounds in a year when you first gave in to your desires. You must have felt noticeably bigger every month! Did you have trouble adapting to how your body was growing? I imagine you started bumping into things a lot, not realizing how much ass or boob you had padding out your once much-smaller body. Have you had a lot of embarrassing moments of whacking into things or knocking stuff over?

Yes definitely things like that. There was a time where it was like every week I was discovering something new. New stretch marks, a new layer of flab somewhere new. I remember being so turned on when I discovered I actually had a fupa now, or when my double chin first came in.

I’ll never forget the first time I struggled to roll over in bed. Feeling all my weight shift around as I moved. My fat kind of pinning me to the bed. It was something that I never really put much thought into before, and then one day it just became my life. Getting around the bed has been a struggle ever since.

I remember at our old apartment we used to have this chair that was nearby our trash can. I had to keep pushing that chair further and further forward because I couldn’t fit through the gap anymore.

I also remember going on vacation with my friends and not being able to fit us all in the backseat of a standard Uber. If we tried to sit all three of us in the back, I would crush them like a pack of sardines. For the rest of the trip we had to either get Uber XL’s or have someone sit up front with the driver.

I’ve had lots of little things like this come up now that I’m large enough that most public amenities aren’t made to accommodate me. Asking for seatbelt extenders on flights, handicapped seats in the theater (if possible), always having to eyeball chairs to determine whether or not it’s safe to sit. It’s all good fun to me :)

[hannahssimblr]

Michelle has been crying for a week.

Seemingly non-stop.

Tuesday evening, which was once about trigonometry and calculus, is when I currently find myself sitting awkwardly on Jen’s bed, alone, while she consoles her sobbing friend in the room next door for half an hour, and my iPod is out of battery.

“He’s here?” Michelle cries at one point, and Jen replies something gentle, muffled through the plasterboard wall. Probably a justification for my presence in her house, which is clearly not welcome even though I’m not actually forcing her to endure me when I’m in an entirely separate room. 

Jen comes back a few minutes later looking frazzled, bags under her eyes as if she has been the one kept up at night with a broken heart, wailing over the skinny emo boy who cheated on her with an even skinnier emo girl. This house has been like a battlefield for days, with even Rahim and Debra retreating to the relative safety of the conservatory in case their rampaging daughter decides to come into the kitchen for a snack and shriek at either of them for not replacing the Nutella she’s been living off or starts hurling around accusations that her white sliced bread has been purloined.

“You alright?” 

“Yeah, she’s just being Michelle. Extra Michelle. Michelle XL.”

“Didn’t sound like she was too happy about me being here.”

“Yeah well,” Jen steps forward and collapses sideways onto the bed, “She can get over it, I want you here.”

“I’m flattered,” I gently fix her fringe, “I’m just not really certain what I did wrong. I thought I did the exact right thing, actually.”

“Yeah but I told you before, there’s normal logic and then there’s Michelle Logic. That’s why I wanted you to be the one to tell her, she was bound to shoot the messenger.”

“Thanks.”

“It’s fair enough, I live with her. Can you imagine if it was me who broke the news?”

“...Do you think the end is in sight?”

“For this level of devastation? I dunno. She’s never been heartbroken before. First cut is the deepest, right?”

I shrug, “For me it wasn’t so bad.”

“Okay well, you haven’t been in love properly.”

“Okay…”

“Sorry but you can’t be an authority on this. Michelle properly loved Evan. He was her everything.”

“He was a fucking knob.”

“Yeah, clearly, but she didn’t know that, and she still loved him. Loves him.”

“He doesn’t deserve to be cried over like this.”

“Tell that to her. Or actually, don’t tell that to her. Don’t tell her anything. Stay a mile away from her until further notice.”

I sigh, “You can't keep us away from each other forever, like, eventually she’s going to emerge from her hovel of despair and find me sitting on the couch, or talking to her dad in the kitchen, it’s not like I’m going to be able to completely vanish from sight forever and ever. I also live five minutes down the road…” I shake her as she turns away to flip through a music magazine,  “and we go to the same school…”

“Yeah, I know, but all this stuff is girl stuff. You’re not supposed to be allowed to see it. You’re only here because you have special Tuesday night privileges.”

I scoff. “I’ve seen girls crying before.”

“Yeah, because of you.”

I toss myself down on the covers and wiggle my way into her eye line, “one day some horrible little bastard might break my sister’s heart, and on that day, when she’s crying and wailing over him, she won’t have anybody to talk to about it but me, and I’ll just turn to her and say ‘hey, sorry Ivy, this is girl shit! Can’t help you!’ Is this the future you want?”

Jen lifts the magazine and whaps me in the face with a full page spread of Amy Winehouse. “You’re so thick.”

I clutch my nose, “Ow! Fuck sake. I think you’re being stupid thinking like that, as if I’m not surrounded by girls at all times. You’re the one who always bangs on and on about feminism, but you’re the one creating a divide between the sexes, can’t you see that? You think I don’t care about girl stuff, like I can’t be around Michelle when she’s heartbroken? I do care.”

“The only girl stuff you care about is tits and fannies.”

“You’re foul.”

She giggles and goes back to her magazine at the same moment Michelle begins to blast a Paramore CD in the room next door. It’s so loud that it vibrates the walls. 

Debra’s screaming only adds to the chaos. “Michelle, my god, turn it down.” She pleads to no avail, and then I hear her thundering up the stairs and pounding on her daughter's door. “Not again! We’re trying to watch the news!”

“Well, there they go again,” Jen comments without lifting her eyes from her article. “You sure you want to walk right into her lair?”

Beginning // Prev // Next

[ardenrabbit]

Heyyy! Just wanted to say I adore your fics! They literally keep me going some days and I've reread so many chapters so many times.

Was wondering if you could give us a hint like a teaser of what's coming up or about when the next chapter is up?

Please don't take this as a demand or anything I don't wanna pressure you, you and your happiness and health come first!

It could be in a year from now and I'll still wait for it <3 ILY TY FOR DOIN GODS WORK <3

Aaaah thank you so much!!! 💜🥺💜 I'm so happy you're enjoying them and that I can add something to your day! Tbh writing keeps me going too 💕

I'm clawing my way out of some writer's block and still rereading some stuff to get context and clarification on some things, but progress is being made! I can never guarantee when I'm going to update but I hope to get something posted within the next couple weeks. I promise I look forward to updating as much as you do 😭 Having multiple projects is helping keep me invested in them too lol, it keeps things fresh c:

Thank you for asking in such a kind way! I sincerely enjoy the engagement! Lemme see what I can share uhhhh...

ALaSR: Next chapter is gonna be Hua Cheng POV! Their POVs are gonna be alternating every chapter for the remainder of the fic. This recovery isn't Xie Lian's alone 💕 We're also gonna get some Mean Hua Cheng coming up and I'm very excited lol. Honestly I think alasr!XL hasn't really had exposure to the fact that, yeah, HC is a calamity and uses his power how he wants and also doesn't like everyone that XL likes. I crave conflict and I finally get to write itttttt 💖💖💖

TWoF: This whole fic is gonna be solely HC POV. Next chapter is gonna pose a lot more questions than answers, cause it's only chapter 3, but it'll give a lot more context about the life that this au's HC is living. (Honestly, I'm enjoying that this HC has such a chip on his shoulder lol, speculating on how his personality and worldview would be if he hadn't met Xie Lian early on.) This fic is...not gonna have the kind of fluff alasr has lol. But it will end happy!!

I also have an MDZS fic that I posted one chapter of and then dropped on hiatus 😬 Really wanting to get back to that one soon but the amount of research I realized I'd need to do to write it in a way that satisfies me is sort of paralyzing 😅 I either have to do yet more reading or lower my writing standards, so, I'm reading lmao. But TGCF is as long as it is, so it's taking a while to finish rereading it, and THEN I can read this collection of material on the entire history of China I've gathered. Sadly, despite best efforts, I'm an extremely slow reader 😣

Thank you so much for the ask! I'm excited to keep working on these! 💜

[yeyayeya]

I’ve wanted to make this post for a while but wanted to wait until the dub was officially over so

My Final Thoughts on the TGCF Season 2 English Dub

Howard Wang as Xie Lian is fucking perfect. Every single time he spoke it just, I don’t know how to properly put it into words, except it is so well done?? But when XL started basically having a mental breakdown in front of Hua Cheng after Lang Qianqiu found out about the truth of the Gilded Banquet, holy fuck did the emotions just hit me in the feels. The scream and he emotional fatigue after? Xie Lian’s voice is perfection omg

Shoutout to James Cheek for just voicing the gayest character ever (Hua Cheng) and writing the gayest script for TGCF. While I liked his voice in the first season, but I wasn’t the biggest fan of it. It wasn’t until the second season where almost everything improved, and James’s voice for Hua Cheng? *chef’s kiss*. Okay but at least tone down the gayness a bit. And seeing someone who has read the novel and having little easter eggs for the novel readers for them to go insane over is incredible. I’m going to miss his voice in Season 3 since they’re going to have to cast someone else as Hong’er, but that’s ok.

Male and Female Shi Qingxuan: OMG??? Perfect casting. I just know they both put so much effort into them and I am eternally grateful. They just sound like the best of friends (they are). Every single line from them was so fucking iconic, which is accurate to the Wind Master’s character. I love both their voices so much you don’t understand.

Lang Qianqiu: AAHHHHH. My son, my boy, they gave him justice and I am so happy. First read through of TGCF, I only cared for HuaLian, but reading it again has made me appreciate and fall in love with the side characters, with Lang Qianqiu being one of them. I’ll say it did take a bit for me to adjust to it, but he sounds so much like an anime protagonist that I am ok with it. Another perfect casting. I’m going to be so fucking sad that he won’t appear for such a long time, and while he does get brought up occasionally, his last appearance is going to be the finale. I’ll miss you my son 😔

Jun Wu: ASDFGHJKL. He sounds like such a manipulative/toxic ex and a father figure at the same time. wtf. But his voice is so sexy tho. I don’t like it but I do. And I thought his original Chinese voice was hot, and then the English one goes and surprises me. I hate that I love it

Qi Rong: Perfection, glorious, fucking incredible. HIS VA IS PERFECT. Original was slaying so hard, and English? Fucking killing it. He was actually the one I was looking forward to the most, and he 👏 did 👏 not👏 disappoint. I won’t get over the perfect casting. Ever. The crazy and mad laughs? The insults I’ve never heard about but decided to keep in mind? Literally everything. I’m sorry I can’t get over how great his voice is

Feng Xin and Mu Qing (of course together): I am so biased towards Lucien Dodge, so I immediately loved his voice for him. He slaying that tsundere cat boy vibe so well. I will admit that his voice made me like his character more tbh. Ok but Feng Xin’s? Every time I hear it, I always need at least 30 seconds to get used to it. Idk why. I don’t hate it, and I actually love it, but he sounds so much like a dad it’s so funny. I still love him tho.

Pei Ming: 😳. No but that was actually my reaction to his voice. Why is every single god’s voice so hot. Please calm down. I really did not like Pei Ming at first but damn. I can actually understand why every single woman went weak with him.

Ling Wen: While she didn’t get as much dialogue this season, I’ll still count her. I’ve heard some drama relating to her voice actress from a while back but I’m not bringing it up rn. But her English voice is almost exactly the same as the original, just, different languages of course. She has such a unique voice and it’s quite pleasing to hear. She also sounds a bit like Siri but it fits her character

Other major characters that got only a few lines but still slayed their roles (Ming Yi, Pei Xiu, Jian Lan, Yin Yu): Hello?? Can I be patient to hear their voices again? Probably not, but please I need more of them. Ming Yi sounded hot since he took voice lessons from Hua Cheng, Pei Xiu sounded like such a little wet cat (wtf where did this crush on him come from), Jian Lan slayed because she is such an underrated queen, and Yin Yu? I WAS NOT EXPECTING A DEEP VOICE FROM WTF. I will say I do prefer his Chinese VA a little more due to it being more in character with him sounding soft and somewhat tired. But I enjoy his confident and announcing voice. They should keep him for the QuanYin flashbacks.

All in all, perfect cast. I don’t have twitter/X but I see things from the VA’s from time to time. And seeing them interact with the fandom and trying to give more to their characters makes me so happy. I just desperately need for more of the characters to have voices (aka Shi Wudu, Quan Yizhen, Mei Nianqing, Yushi Huang, Male!Ling Wen, White-No-Face). Give me more please.

Please check out the dub it’s so fucking great.

[edutainer2022]

It's a weird, kind of liminal... moment the Mechanic and Scott have after Zero-XL. It wouldn't let me go. Their dynamics going forward (and the upended balance with Dad being back) fascinates me as they're interesting foils. It could be a tentative beginning of a friendship, a working relationship in IR, or, who knows...

OLIVE BRANCH

A tall figure was leaning on one of the work counters in his impromptu workshop, listlessly poking at one tool or other. Oh, snap! He really didn't have time for this! The Tracies, as he came to observe, were all very... involved - personal boundaries perfunctory at best and virtually non-existent since the Zero-XL mission came back a success. Even the ginger astronaut was planetside most of the time, in the middle of things - none of them straying too far away from a miraculously retrieved Jeff Tracy, trading stories, lapping up his undivided (well, divided six to seven ways, to be precise) attention. He wasn't a Tracy, nor did he have any intention of becoming one - so he cherished his space and solitude, thank you very much. Brains, for the most part, understood and respected that, letting him tinker at smaller projects in the bowels of the island, while the T-drive was being assembled. But this was not Brains snooping around in his nook. He really, really didn't have the energy for Scott Tracy.

- What are you doing in my hangar?

The younger man almost jumped in the air, clearly not expecting company. Seriously? The file said he was former military. Blue eyes flashed up in almost automatic defense. Okay, so maybe the Mechanic was somewhat amused by having five inches on the International Rescue Commander. The fierce leader was definitely not used to that.

- Interesting. I kinda thought this was my hangar.

- Funny you should mention it. I was under the impression it was your father's hangar.

The intended effect fell flat. Instead of riled up, Scott's sagged momentarily, shoulders dropped, the brilliant blue dimmed and downcast.

- Yeah, right, sorry. I'll get out of your way.

Huh? The Mechanic might not have been particularly proud of scoring that one up. The guy annoyed him on a good day with his holier than thou attitude and obsessive micromanagement. The Mechanic only ever fought for control to WIN. But he knew not to kick a man down, when he saw one (most times). Which was weird. Everyone else was floating on air, beholding Colonel Tracy like a godsend. The Mechanic was fairly sure the full assembly plus the British guests were up in the lounge this very moment too, completely engrossed in bliss and racing each other to showcase accomplishments and heroic antics. That was actually his cue to make the next move on his own... arrangements. He couldn't stretch their hospitality forever. Or tempt fate. Now was as good a time as ever, he guessed.

- Not a problem. I should be the one getting out of your hair. Soon.

Blue eyes shot back at him from the compelling oil stain on the floor, perplexed, then questioning. It obviously took Scott a hot moment to translate thought into words.

- I think you should stay on the island.

This. Was new. That was not so much an olive brunch, but an olive tree. The one thing they could reliably agree on prior to that was mutual disdain.

The Mechanic folded his arms, an automatic response to the mere chance of being vulnerable - being welcome. Being drawn into the circle by Grandma, when most of her family blinked out of the solar system possibly to be never seen again, was one thing. The Mechanic was under no illusion Scott Tracy could voluntarily stand to be in the same room with him under fair weather conditions, even grateful for his part in the T-drive or defense of the island.

- Why should I?

It was, of course, every inch the challenge it sounded like. Scott's gaze darted around the workshop, searching for inspiration.

- Brains loves working with you.

Lame one, Tracy. The Mechanic arched a brow, thoroughly unamused. The dregs of the barrel could really be more substantial. And yes, Scott walked himself into that one, so there was no backing out.

- Brains used to work perfectly fine without me in the picture. As he, no doubt, would again.

Blue eyes glanced over a half-finished mecha on the counter, then back to the floor. His fists found deeper way into the pockets. An evasive stance too, he knew. Scott Tracy was no better at asking for things than the Mechanic himself was. Least of all for forgiveness.

- Well, you're like... Grandma's fifth favorite grandkid. Stay for her.

That one was accompanied by a smile that didn't reach the eyes, focused on metal shavings on the bench now. The Mechanic arched a second brow and pretended to take the bait, if only to fill out the awkward silence.

- So, who have I yielded to?

A snort and another smile. This one rueful. And a forlorn stare in mid-distance the Mechanic was not sure even accounted for him anymore. THAT'S why he preferred to deal with machines.

- Virgil, obviously. He's Grandpa Grant through and through. Alan. It's a tie between Kayo and Brains. Gordon. Though he gets bumped up a tier when he's injured. You. Then John and I.

If Scott was amusing himself with the little charade - the Mechanic failed to see how. He wasn't giving an inch though, because they didn't cut each other slack, that was a given, so a tilt of the head and a fixed stare was the next unvoiced question. Scott shifted from foot to foot, clearly regretting it ever got this far. But the Mechanic was undeterred. Why the Astranaut and the Golden Heir, so far down the line? What kind of self-deprecating nonsense was that? Scott sighed. Words were obviously a problem again, though sadness rolling off the young man could be measured by tools at hand. He definitely preferred the machines. Emotions were not his forte.

- John is Mom. Looks much like her, speaks, moves. And I'm Dad... When Dad was gone I was there to remind...

- And now your Dad is back.

It was a simple statement of fact, colored by no assessment. No venom. He let "and you're hiding in the workshop of your sworn enemy, while everyone delights in your father's return" hang in the air, unsaid.

- And now my Dad is back...

And they don't need him to be Jeff Tracy anymore. They don't need him anymore, period. Scott snapped in time to an inner consideration, likely, along those same lines, and was suddenly in a hurry to leave. The Mechanic didn't know much about dealing with people and feelings, but he knew loneliness and despair when it stared him in the face. It took one to recognize one.

- Hey, Tracy! I don't need anything from you.

That earned him another hung head and a non-committal wave. Scott half turned away again, taking a long stride to the exit.

- But I could use some help. You any good with system updates?

He gestured to the assorted consoles around the work area. Blue eyes dragged up again and lit up for the first time since their strange conversation started.

- Brains lets me do solo updates on One.

That was a dubious recommendation, because, brilliant as he was, the shy engineer was under a totally false impression Scott Tracy had hung the Moon. But that was some serious shit-eating grin, dimples and all, so the Mechanic kept the idea to himself and kept busy with assorted switches.

[hualianff]

Shadow hunter HC who tries to summon a major demon to do chaos on earth but accidentally drops a dirty sock on the pentagram so he ends up with XL, a little and peaceful soul collector demon.

Little does HC know, XL is indeed a major demon - he just likes to do lesser demon’s jobs and is considered the laughing stock of hell because of it. 

HC instantly calls summoning XL a mistake, asking how to send XL back ASAP.

(XL: “ok, what happened to hello? How are you?”)

But it’s okay because XL is a chill demon and is used to being ridiculed, so he ends up telling a tiny, white lie: he claims HC can’t send him back until XL fulfills a wish HC wants granted.

Except the problem is, HC can’t seem to think of one genuine wish he wants from XL. And he can only summon the demon he wants after sending XL back.

So, they’re stuck together for a bit.

Much to HC’s surprise, XL doesn’t use his powers much. Why in the world does XL want to learn how to cook without using magic as a shortcut? And clean? Do laundry? Who has the time for that?

HC refuses to bring XL on his side missions but after one goes horribly wrong in the blink of an eye, XL ends up showing up at the last second to help because HC wasn’t back in time for dinner.

XL insists on tagging along on missions after that.

HC is a much-wanted shadow hunter, therefore rogue demons often try to attack him. Possess him? Harm him. But of course, XL isn’t going to let that happen, not when the company - even if it’s forced - has been really nice.

Something makes him want to protect the shadow hunter. XL, who has always been told his soft spot for non-demons would be his downfall, does everything in his power to help HC. 

And HC begins to notice.

HC grows used to XL’s presence. Despite XL’s title labeling him as a low rank bottom-feeding demon, HC realizes XL happens to know much more than he lets on. He also seems to know all of the shadow hunter’s weak spots but fortunately hasn’t used them against HC or his fellow shadow hunters thus far.

Before he knows it, one month has passed, and he looks forward to seeing a smol demon flit around his kitchen, chopping vegetables up and adding them to a bubbling concoction on the stove. Or the surplus of plants that have made their way into HC’s living room, soaking up sunlight and adding a nice change of scenery to the space.

XL has also gotten hooked on a variety of dramas that HC himself was never interested in. Now, HC can’t help but watch over XL’s shoulder, and eventually sit down next to the demon to squeeze in a quick episode before bed.

Except that sense of peace is soon shattered when HC is reminded of the chaos he desperately wanted to. The other powerful demon, Bai Wuxiang, had visited HC’s dreams, offering a once-in-a-lifetime deal in exchange for his powers. 

(“Or has the vicious Crimson Rain gotten too soft?” BWX taunts, circling around HC in the dream. “Perhaps you never intended on executing your plan in the first place?”)

HC realizes he has been distracted from his initial goal, and the familiar emotions of anger and frustration with the world he’s a part of arise once more. Ignoring his conflicting turmoil, HC seethes at how dare XL sidetrack him from his carefully crafted plan to disrupt the corrupt bureaucracy of the higher ups that choose to neglect the humans they should be servicing. 

It’s all XL’s fault for making HC feel so content by just being in his life.

HC must quickly deal with this.

And so, the next morning, when XL is shuffling around the kitchen making breakfast, humming to himself, HC slowly walks in with a grim face.

“Oh, wonderful, you’re up! I made some simple congee for you,” XL says, stirring the pot. 

HC curls his right hand into a fist.

“…”

“I remembered your instructions to let it simmer for an hour longer than I’m used to, so the consistency has definitely improved-“

“Xie Lian.”

XL pauses his movements. He doesn’t fully turn to see HC’s expression, but somehow seems to know HC has something serious he would like to say. 

“You haven’t called me by my name in a long time,” XL says with a light chuckle. See, to prevent others from realizing HC has summoned an ancient demon by openly throwing around Xie Lian’s name, both decided it would be easier if HC called XL by a nickname - and Gege has sufficed. 

HC rounds the counter to stand a few paces away from the demon. He angles his chin down, looking down at XL with a stone cold exterior. He’s bracing himself in preparation for what’s to come.

“I’ve figured out my wish,” HC reveals quietly. XL stares straight ahead, refusing to meet HC’s eye. 

XL does, however, smile. 

It’s a small and sad smile - a knowing one. He fiddles with the dial before turning off the stove.

“You haven’t. You only think you have,” XL responds in a delicate voice.

HC inhales sharply. He takes another step towards the demon, the demon who he knew would be difficult. It’s so clear now, having shared a space with XL for a few months now. 

HC can’t even fathom how he thought XL was as useless and weak as he once concluded. 

HC shakes his head.

“You’re wrong. This is what I want.”

I want you to leave, remains unspoken.

I want you to leave and unbind yourself from me, something you’ve always been capable of from the moment I summoned you.

You are no ordinary demon. You are one of the most powerful and destructive demons who is mentioned in earliest shadow hunter records of demon kind. 

But you cannot give me what I desire. You will not, more so, as those days of violence and bloodshed are far behind you, and I refuse to keep you around to witness my heinous intentions come to fruition. 

I refuse to taint the simplicity of life you’ve chosen for yourself.

“Hua Cheng, I-“

“Leave, Xie Lian. Leave this place and never come back.”

The two are silent for a long moment. It feels like eons have passed in what was just a few seconds, but the damage has been done. 

XL nods once, then steps away from HC.

“Very well. I do not intend to overstay my welcome.”

XL raises his right hand, his thumb and middle finger touching. 

“Goodbye, Hua Cheng.”

With the snap of his fingers, XL dissipates into thin air. 

*** Prompt by @no-one-says-hi

[mellowwillowy]

Greetings, I have something to ask of you dear friend,

I am here from my piqued curiosity which stemmed, today's recommend is quite a treat, how would Castiel handle his spouse reader's 'remarried'?

Poor dear little thing, fallen into the hands of masculine fiend's sweet words (Male XL). After being wiped away from the mortal record (wiped memory).

-𝕻𝖚𝖕𝖕𝖊𝖙𝖊𝖊𝖗 𝖔𝖋 𝕷𝖎'𝖒𝖚

(ps: surprise me, lol. Take your time and plan however you want, and customize it how you will.)

Castiel is not pleased with the idea of his beloved specimen stolen from him, at all. And on top of that? It is some otherworldly entity that he has never seen.

Something was wrong that day. In the morning when he'd usually wake you up soothingly, he was taken aback by how a stalwart man has infiltrated into his abode. His attire was... unique at the very least, or would he say, foreign.

But, what surprised him was you cradled in his arms, laying limp but still maintaining a steady breath which meant you were still alive.

Castiel wasted no time pulling out his electrical baton in one hand while the other focused on sending a signal with the device that he created himself.

"What do you want?" He snarled toward the stranger. The long pink-haired man grinned at his question while opting to stay quiet.

"Who sent you here? Are those stupid researchers ordering you to mess with me again? If so, my spouse has nothing to do with this."

The pink-haired fellow showed various expressions to Castiel, from baffled, thinking to a rather... unsightly smirk.

"This your spouse eh? I like them, they look so pretty that I think I want to throw them into a cage." The time spent to propose this idea allowed Castiel to lunge forward and face them head to head. While both of their hands were occupied by your limp figure, they could only opt to evade his attacks graciously as though they were dancing.

"Wow! Rude! And I haven't even introduced myself!" They tried to trip the angered scientist but failed to due to how fast he recovered. "Let's keep it short, pal'. The name's A-Li, and your name is Castiel right?" A swing to the left was dodged by hair.

"Look, I have nothing to do with your LIfE Project, I'm just a tourist okay?" Despite how heavy the tension was, they still managed to cackle in humor before leaping at least 5 meters away from Castiel.

From then on, the man shifted one of his arms to take off his hairpin, his other arm holding you still like a sack of flour. "You are in a world of hurt buddy." The beautiful hairpin glowed and turned into a pristine white sword.

Surely Castiel has no chance of winning against an otherworldly creature. And he had no choice but to clench his flesh wound. A-Li was ruthless, contrary to the rather bright image they posed.

"Pebbles shouldn't uphold themselves so high. Surely this would be a valuable lesson for you, scientist."

--

Yet another mistake in adjusting the tubes' temperature resulted in yet another failure. He would not be hearing the end from his fellow scientists for wasting yet another resource.

Castiel had never regarded himself to be a man who was capable of loving but your absence had certainly shaken him. That day, he was saved by the rushing scientists who found him lying on the ground, bleeding. There was no trace of the fight he had shared earlier and there was no trace of any ruined wall in which they opened a portal and left this world for good with you.

"Seriously, get a hold of yourself, Cas. Since when have you softened for a mere specimen?" The woman scowled as she inputted yet another failure into the data.

"... You ought to help me than reprimand me, Diana." Diana rolled her eyes and gestured to the other man to console Castiel. The man was hesitant but patted his shoulder, "... you'd find someone else soon." Wow, really consoling, Diederich.

But then, from the edge of his eyes, he saw something that was not originally there. An envelope.

"Who placed it there?" "None of us did, perhaps it had always been there." "You are joking, you know I have a photographic memory, right?"

Diederich brought the envelope to Castiel, allowing him to inspect it. The wax seal was beautifully adorned with a flower crest, and on the corner was a foreign name.

XL.

Was it someone's code name? If so, he had no memories of who he had worked with using this name. He opened the envelope and was greeted with a handful of photos and a letter.

It was momentary silence that made Diana question him, "Well? What's in it? Another empty threat or another invitation for a collaboration?"

He had hoped it was yet another threat but no. You were there in the photos. Happily cradled by the pink-haired fellow. In fact, fellows. And he recognized one of them, A-Li.

The letter was not helping either, rubbing salt on his open wound. Castiel's jaw was clenched tightly as his hands crumpled the letter instinctively. A confession of how you were sealed into some sort of... romanticized pact with all the vessels.

The one who wrote the letter was not A-Li but rather, XL themself. They praised Castiel for allowing you to be taken into their world to humor their vessels.

"Looking back, I'm sure you understand what I mean by the world, Catiel. You are the head researcher for the project that is meant to unveil the secret of this life no? I suppose this is the price for the forbidden knowledge you are seeking in the Garden of Eden. For I am the apple in the 'Project Eden' you are leading.

Ah, why of course, this knowledge has been compensated by your beloved specimen, or should I say, spouse. Rest easy, child of man, for now, you are a step closer to achieving a greater truth.

Sincerely, XL."

And crumpled was the letter, thrown into a box of acid that left no trace of his disdain. Even so, his heart was incapable of destroying the evidence of your existence, even if you were smiling for someone else.

Even if you were no longer devoted to him. Even if you were no longer in love with him. Even if you were no longer in this world with him. Even if you were no longer in this life with him.

--

And folks! This is why CatboX and LIfE Project casts shouldn't be placed together in a story (xixixixi) because of the world differences.

[preggoboi]

Please help me up, I’m too heavy. Wearing an XL shirt that used to be huge but now I need a belly band to cover the underside of my growing tummy.

When I waddle through the house my belly button leads the way. One hand on the small of my back, holding my balance. Easily 20kg pulling me forward.

I sit by the kitchen table, my taunt skin pressed into the edge of the wooden table, to get close enough to my plate. The upper side of my stretched out middle is like a tray, so I might as well place my plate on top.. My T-cock is close to exploding from the pleasure of being buried beneath my round gut.

I’m so turned on by my growing form, it almost hurts. While stuffing myself with a big dinner, I rhythmically grind against my free hand, getting me closer to another ecstatic belly-orgasm.

[astrojaxsaga]

Been having some body dysmorphia the past two days. It stems from me wanting to buy some new clothes for working out and also a dress for an upcoming wedding my partner and I are going to in Italy at the end of April. Which I am looking forward to ! But am also kindof nervous about.

The first half of this issue is based on the fact that I was trying to buy a skirt and workout pants online recently. In two instances, I hurt my own feelings, but these sizing schemes for women are so bullshit. The first of these instances happened when I realized that Hot Topic is in Canada (idk why I didn't know but I assumed since it wasn't on Vancouver Island where I live, that it wasn't in the country lol) and I was interested in seeing if they had any cute skirts. I have never been a skirt person because I am hyper aware of my hips - I think I only look good in fitted jeans TBH, but I wanted to see if I could hype myself up to try some if they were my vibe. Anyways, I know Hot Topic is for junior's sizes (which are really just the odd numbers in between adult women's sizes) and also that Hot Topic sizes tend to run small. What I did NOT expect was HOW small. The combination of their clothes being for teens + running small in sizes, resulted in HT categorizing me as plus sized...which I am not, and have never been. I really wouldn't have minded if like, I currently would be wearing an XL and HT's sizing bumped me up into plus sizes, but that's just utterly not true. I am typically a medium, and am maybe pushing a large just for comfort. It just seemed so insanely innacurate that it really pissed me off. I was so mad that HT would have such horrific vanity sizes; literally what is the point, how is this useful to the consumer ??

A second instance of online shopping that made me sad, happened again when I went on a website my roommate recommended to buy workout leggings. The website's "size calculator" was 400% wrong; it asked the user for weight and height as input. According to my rommate's "measurements" (130 lb 5ft4), she would only be able to wear their large size. Which is crazy, because she already wears this brand and wears a small. When I put in my "measurements" it said that they can't recommend any of their sizes. Basically, it considers me too fat to wear their products. It's not even correct (because I checked their sizing chart and it said I'd be a M/L, and even if I changed the weight down to 140 lbs it says NOTHING would fit), but I let my feelings get hurt anyways. :/

RE: wedding in Italy

It feels really pathetic, but I stopped posting images of myself online in 2022 after my partner and I attended a wedding in Michigan. At the time, I was already aware that my weight had been up (not as high as it had *ever* been, but close), but I had been working out pretty consistently and was feeling strong and healthy. Except for the weekends out with friends. In general, I was eating good food throughout the week and would splurge when I drank too much. Considering that I wasn't actively gaining, I didn't really mind the way I looked.

For the Michigan wedding, I went out to pick out a dress with my partner and I found one from H&M that was open-backed and cotton-based (I think) and relatively cheap. I tried it on over my clothes and bought it (this was covid in Canada so, no dressing rooms and the place was hella understaffed anyways), and decided to wear it to the wedding. Fast forward to our travels there, the airline lost our luggage for 3 days and so I didn't have the dress for the beginning of the wedding (we had to rush out and buy a whole bunch of new stuff). I ended up wearing one of my MIL's extra dresses that she had brought (she is a saint). But !! The luggage did arrive during the wedding. So I am in some photos at the wedding wearing one of my in my MIL's dresses, but then later in the evening I went back to the AirBnB to change into the H&M dress and I have photos in that one too. Everyone was talking about how cool the dress was and my back tattoo, and I thought I looked really great.

However, a few weeks later I see photos of me that had been taken where I was in the H&M dress, and after I saw them, I was like...absolutely mortified. I had been wearing shapewear, so this wasn't like a physical thing on my body that I had ever seen before. And it must just be how the dress and the cotton fabric hung on me. But it made me look like I had a huge pouch on my stomach that I did NOT physically have. It looked like I was either pregnant or had a massive growth hanging off of my stomach. I really hated it. I hated it so much and how bad it made me feel, that I stopped taking pictures of myself for a really long time.

Nowadays, I just don't post photos of myself except the timed instagram stories that only last 24 hours, because I just don't feel like committing to a post. I don't like the permanent-ness of having something up that others could compare past versions of myself to, and I don't know why I care, but I do. So this whole Italy wedding that I am going to, I guess I really wanted it to be like a "revenge dress" scenario...but the revenge is, on myself ? I just want to feel confident and beautiful and not anxious. But I don't know how to do that yet.

Next weekend I will try finding something at the mall to wear to the Italy wedding, and I will try to keep in mind that the clothes are meant to fit me, not the other way around...I just really hate the energy it takes to remind myself to be differentiated. Clothes are clothes are clothes are clothes.

[projektnomad]

“Uh, I’ll have two McGriddles, a McGriddle large, 40 nuggets with extra dip, a Grand Mac, two McLegends, one with cheese, and a large Coke.”

The screen informs you that your order has been accepted and you roll your car forward to the payment window. A hugely thick arm extends from the window to present the card reader to you. You’re still trying to get your card out of your pocket, sweating and breathless from the exertion. The woman holding the card machine looks like she’s about to pass out herself, all 600 pounds of her wedged painfully into the window bay. You finally get the card out and onto the reader, she mumbles something but it’s hard to make out with the fries in her mouth. You get to the next window and two hugely obese men are daisy chaining the multitude of bags to you. You manage to cram them past your bulging chest, pressing the horn a couple of times by mistake. You’d have said thank you if you weren’t gasping for breath.

As you drive away your McWatch buzzes to remind you that its time for brunch, asking if you’ve tried the new bacon double egg and triple sausage quad cheese bagel and you pull over into the car park to enjoy your bunch break. You park your car in between two other brunchers who are indulging in equally gargantuan meals. You notice the woman next to you is surreptitiously eating a salad. You roll your window up in disgust at the sight of green leaves and she notices the contempt on your face, hangs her head in shame and starts her engine. She drives away sucking on a milkshake, her eyes welling up from the embarrassment.

You can’t quite lean forward enough to see it in it’s entirety, but a skyvert for the new KFC quintuple stack deluxe mix bucket with seven cheese coleslaw is making your mouth water, even as the burger sauce and grease drips down your chin from your 5th burger.

You feel claustrophobic from being crammed into your tight SUV and you think you’re getting chest pains again. You try to adjust your seat, but it’s already gone back as far as it can. You notice your belt buckle is digging in so far it’s almost engulfed by your massive belly. You attempt to undo it but your fat fingers can’t get in between the fat rolls at this angle. Beginning to panic, you notice the chest pains are getting worse. You down half a gallon of coke to try to ease it but the sugar buzz has just given you a thumping headache and soon you’re getting that telltale tingle in your left arm. Gasping for breath, you reach into the glovebox for the defibrillator and give yourself a few volts just to get your heartbeat back to normal. You’re not really sure it helped but you feel better and are able to finish your brunch.

You notice someone else a few cars away clearly has a flat battery from over using their defibrillator, as two portly paramedics and an RAC mechanic on a mobility scooter have shown up to help them out. The guy is so busy worrying about how he’s going to get to the hospital if he can’t fit in the ambulance that he hasn’t even noticed his Deliveroo guy standing there waiting to hand over a delicious looking grease stained bag of Five Guys.

Beep beep. You fumble for your phone, the grease on the cracked screen showing up in the sunlight. The Burger King app shows you a notification. Your weekly loyalty reward has come through, a double triple stack XL mega cheese whopper is free if you buy a large double triple stack XL mega cheese whopper meal and any dessert. You look at the time, it’s almost lunch and you know how busy that drive through gets. Better get moving. You might even get there faster if only you could feel which pedals your feet are on.

[robinplayspokemon]

pokemon blue, day 1: pallet town & viridian city

as soon as i booted up the emulator my fiancx installed for me on vir 3ds xl and saw that glorious 8-bit opening cinematic, i was hit by a wave of intense nostalgia.

i remember when i was in grade school and this tiny, colorless screen transported me to another world. i remember collecting trading cards even though i barely ever actually played the card game? i remember being excited about trips to the mall or more boring stores because of the mere possibility that i might take home some cool pokemon merch. among my favorites were these dumb clear bouncy balls that had little figurines of the pokemon encased inside? i loved those stupid things.

so. what i've decided to do with this side blog is take my time going through every single bit of major pokemon media. every mainline game (and some of the spinoffs). every episode of the anime. the manga that i've seen on shelves at bookstores but never read a single page of. i'm just going to take my time soaking it all up. reliving everything i loved as a kid, filling in the gaps of what i missed out on, just... experiencing everything pokemon has to offer, roughly in chronological order.

like the little tiny sprite that represents me in the game, i'm taking my first steps on a journey that's much bigger than i am. i named my character robin (of course), and i named my rival tori (after one of my fiancx's headmates/the name ve uses when in a more boyish mode), because what else am i gonna name my bully???

after that, it's time to pick my first companion on this journey, and as much as i love all three starters in first gen, there is just an obvious right choice.

(i named him flare.)

this left my rival/bully with an obvious choice of vir own:

we battled, i prevailed, ve sauntered off to start vir own pokemon journey, i did all the early game errands we all do at the beginning of red & blue. i took my time on the path between pallet town and viridian city, making sure to catch both a pidgey (who i named gale) and a rattata (splinter). i also got some training in, raising my first companion up to level 9, earning him his first fire-type move, ember.

from viridian city i headed west towards the pokemon league, catching a nidoran♀ (queenie) & nidoran♂ (bowser), and once again encountering my rival who by this point had leveled vir squirtle up and also caught a pidgey. despite vir type advantage with squirtle, i once again prevailed. despite vir warning that the pokemon league wouldn't let me pass without all 8 badges, i went to have a look for myself only to be sent away. so back to viridion city i went, and then north to viridian forest.

i fought a few bug catchers, caught a caterpie (who i named mothra in honor of the beautiful butterfly she'll eventually be), and finally called it quits for the first day of my pokemon journey.

it is so freaking nostalgic playing this game again. i'm really looking forward to taking my time with it. for now, though, i'll leave you with all my new pokedex entries from this first day (minus charmander's, which i already shared earlier.)

[ijustwantedtobeoneofthestrokesuk]

How It All Went Wrong

Like with the early days of grime, the 2000’s guitar bands didn’t have a label. The New Rock Revolution was more of a moment in time than a genre. While punk and drill are very specific in sound, execution and styles, Brit Pop was fluid so when this new scene grew and grew and grew in such a short amount of time it became ‘indie’ until the market got saturated, entry levels lowered and the term ‘landfill indie’ was adopted. 

‘Indie’ made sense, the key players were indie labels such as Rough Trade, Domino and XL, (before the majors jumped in) as did the independent venues and the bands themselves, they had an independent attitude. Before there was an opportunity for success, they wouldn’t have dreamt of signing with a major label. When The Cribs were being hounded by labels they didn’t even entertain the idea of signing with a major label, however, as years went on, they discovered indies can be just as bad…

Indie was the first scene of the internet and it suffered because of that. In the 2020’s there is over 60,000 songs uploaded to Spotify every day. Social media, tech and streaming services have made it easier for anybody to become a musician, especially a rapper, every week there’s a new star in hip hop. We’ve got used to the new ways we consume music, the speed of the cycle is becoming so quick that sub-genres are outdated once they leave the underground. If the late 2000’s experienced ‘landfill indie’ then the 2020’s will definitely see ‘landfill rap’ but it won’t be looked back on with the same negativity. Is the streaming era leading to ‘landfill music’? 

For those in the indie underground, there was an obvious line between what felt authentic and what would later become ‘landfill indie’ that wouldn’t look so clear for those from the outside. This was the moment it all became corporate, it wasn’t necessarily to do with the volume of bands, but intentions. Between 2002 and 2006 there was a consistent flow of bands forming, particularly in London but they weren’t doing it for the fame or money, something changed. Suddenly indie gigs went from kids in charity shop blazers, skinny jeans and vintage brogues to rowdy lads acting like they were at a football match. This was ‘corporate indie’.  

The 23rd January 2006 was a big day for indie. Arctic Monkeys had to bring their debut album forward a week (after it had leaked online) which disrupted the release of The Kooks debut album Inside In/Inside Out. There was a clear divide between these 2 bands, the Sheffield group were authentically themselves, they turned down big money deals with majors and signed with Domino. The Kooks, from Brighton were basically a boyband with instruments (they went to Brit School!). Their debut, Inside In/Inside Out was released on Virgin, a major, it initially charted at no.9 but, after a big marketing campaign it peaked at no.2 as their singles began to take over the charts. This was the beginning of ‘corporate indie’. Some suggest landfill indie started much earlier than this, when there were new bands forming every hour but this is when it really began to water down, to please the masses. 

It wasn’t over, but it had changed.

Nothing lasts forever. The best had already been, the boys in bands market was becoming saturated. At what point did the New Rock Revolution become ‘landfill indie’? Everybody has their own views and memories but for those who were in the mix of it, there was a clear difference between the indie kids who still looked at The Strokes and the lads who only knew what was on the radio. 

The crowds changed, the atmosphere was different and the purity was lost. The Kooks, Two Door Cinema Club, The Twang, The Automatic, One Night Only and The Enemy were boybands with guitars targetted at the lads who’d buy their ripped jeans from Topman.  

This was an era of our teenage years, easily impressionable and knew no better. Once you move into adulthood you can either look back with rose-tinted glasses or regret. Rowan Martin from London band, The Rhythm Method saw his hashtag go viral in April 2016 as the indie generation looked back on the era with #indieamnesty. Within hours Twitter saw those who were there in the 2000’s tell their stories and it was stories about being chaotic teens more than about the music.  

Rowan kicked things off with “Once wrote an excruciatingly twee lyric along the lines of 'now you're crying in your Ready Brek'. What's your #indieamnesty?” 

Fred Macpherson followed it up with “Sung along to The Others' This Is For The Poor. Wasn't poor.” and Bill Ryder-Jones Tweeted “Was in The Coral”. It was tongue-in-cheek nostalgia by a generation who had grown up. We all make mistakes. 

In August 2020 Vice (a magazine that was heavily invested in 2000’s indie) published ‘The Top 50 Greatest Landfill Indie Songs of All Time’ list, the article blew up on social media like an Ellen Degeneres selfie. Their list includes big names like Babyshambles and Maximo Park to those who were easily forgotten (Joe Lean & The Jing Jang Jong who promised a genre-defining album, an album that was never released). Written slightly with tongue in cheek it also includes bands such as the Mystery Jets, The Maccabees and The Cribs who were no guilty pleasure while The Fratellis Chelsea Dagger topped the list, a band and a song who firmly fitted ‘landfill indie’ quota and a moment where it went wrong. 

The term ‘Landfill Indie’ was first used in 2008 by Andrew Harrison to define the over-saturated indie scene however it comes across as slightly patronising when compared to genre labels like Brit Pop, Grunge and punk.  

Yes, there was a lot of bands around, maybe too many but it was only when it was monetised by corporate brands that it became sour.  

When something is popular, those at the top want to capitalise on it. The early 2000’s saw a ‘garage rock’ revival in the States, the British labels looked for a UK alternative and discovered The Cribs. That then happened again and again. This was a time when there were tonnes of venues with live music every night of the week, often with a bill of several bands (particularly in London) which meant it was easier than ever for bands to get gigs, even if they aren’t very good. When there’s demand and opportunities, the entry level is lowered, people see a band on stage and think, “I could do that”. 

We have to be careful not to waste our energy on bands who don’t care about what they are doing.

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