#no one is seeing my posts rn anyway so i feel free to release this information to the world | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ask-andante · 1 year ago

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Hi, I've decided to officially end this blog.

It took a lot of time thinking about it (tbh i was even thinking about it before the anon) and discussion with close friends and I think I am done.

This blog was used to help me get through various parts of my life, and it can no longer serve that purpose. It's done its job wonderfully and helped me cope and even make a friend circle after isolating myself for a few years. I never thought I'd ever have an actual friend group, but it's something that was made possible VIA this blog.

It hurts a lot to end it, I won't lie, I'm like actually mourning it rn but I've started to develop a sort of resentment towards the blog and plot askblogs due to Mental Illness and I think I just cannot keep holding onto this blog anymore. So, I decided it's best to let it go before I hate it. I doubt I'll come back to finishing it after posting the plot outline, seeing as it's all out in the open, but you never know.

The doc contains the outline with a header to jump to where this blog left off. I got pretty far in so I feel extra down about tossing in the towel here, but that's just how it is. I've tried many ways to salvage my motivation, lowering art quality being the main one as art is my job now and it's no longer the escape it used to be, but I don't think the workload itself is the issue.

If I move onto future projects, you will likely see me post them on @aibouart , so feel free to check the art blog out and follow if you'd like. I am not abandoning the characters here, I will continue to draw them likely and RP them and whatnot. You can send asks OOC anytime, just know I may not be very active~

Anyways, here's the plot outline. Some things are not included in it despite having been planned because they were either up in the air on their specifics, or were late additions not added in yet (nast stops appearing in the outline some ways into it as they were a new addition to help give Andan another person to have a better dynamic with. They were planned to become friends < 3 )

Thank you for reading and for your patience, as well as everyone's continued support over the years. This blog was great as a form of expression and art, and great to get me socialising. I discovered many things about myself over the course of being here on Tumblr and this blog was one of the starting points~

If you'd like some minor additional content, you can go and read over old memes: @andanteooc

Or the related blog: @andanterelated

The related blog consists of memes I've reblogged tagging relevant characters.

You can feel free to send me asks to talk about the plot outline or anything else. I won't post any spoilers until tomorrow, or I'll just tag them "andante spoilers///" if you were interested in the doc to read at a later date.

Please note it is missing quite a few details as I used to log the combat or speech sections separately before actually putting them in the doc (the og was pasted from a tumblr page). I can answer asks about things that weren't addressed because of its nature, but will not repeat myself if it's been asked haha.

Thank you again. I initially started this blog with a goal in mind and succeeded in it years ago, so I think I can be happy that it went above my original goals.

#yeahyeahyehayehay #you can dm me too about it if u don't wanna use asks or it's too much to send #but fanmail works for that as well #just note i may be less inclined to respond to DMs as they're more personal in that way #but i will read them #unless you ignored the giant plastered warning on the doc then i will just like #ignore u #text #update #queuedante

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going-outside-enjoyer · 4 months ago

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this reblog was ages ago and not for just asking random questions BUT IM BORED SO IM GONNA RAID YOUR ASK BOX

whats your favourite colour

whos your favourite cryptonloid

whos your favourite vocaloid

whos your favourite character in project sekai (yes im making you chose mwahaha) (assuming shiho but i wanted to ask anyway)

which is the best unit in pjsk

best game on nintendo

favourite food

have you watched winnie the pooh AND WHICH IS YOUR FAVOURITE (i love eeyore and tiger :])

uhh YOU SAID YOU KNOW THE MOVIE THE LITTLE PRINCE NOT A QUESTION BUT OMG FAVOURITE MOVIE AHDKFJDKFJFL

best icecream flavour (important judge of character)

hardest song you can play on piano (testing to see if i can make you learn the duet from the end of omori)

HARDEST CHART YOU CAN FC IN PJSK

do you know any vocaloid fans irl?

do u play genshin and if you do, do you reccomend it? i want to play but my ipad storage 💔 i need encouragement if im gonna play

FAVOURITE EMOJI?? you dont seem like the type to use emojis but you never know 🫃🫃🫃

uhh yep thats it (feel free to not answer or skip half the questions or whatever you like 😭)

THAT IS A LONG ASK (I'm gonna have fun hehe >:) )

My fav color is anything from green to purple on the color wheel

My fav cryptonloid and vocaloid is len (flower and the MEIKAs are close seconds tho)

My fav pjsk character is indeed shiho she has my whole heart I even have a daily account for her in insta and 1000+ pins of her on pinterest

Other than shiho I love haruka and toya as well with 300+ pins on pinterest

Best unit in pjsk is leo/need (no surprises)

Best games on nintendo are miitopia and splatoon (I love 2 and 3 equally)

My fav food are instant noodles (kanade kinnie moment /j) and fried shrimp

I watched winnie the pooh when I was a kid and my fav at the time was piglet but now it's kanga or roo idk

The little prince is originally french so it's pretty famous where I live that's why I know it

My fav film is the dnd film (help I don't watch films) (also I'm extremely biaised towards fantasy)

Best ice cream flavor is lemon idc what everyone says (mint choco too it does NOT taste like toothpaste)

Uhm uuh I'm still learning it but meteor by john? I've been playing the piano for just 2 years and a half I can't play that much songs however you don't need to make me learn duet I'm already doing it rn hehe

Hardest chart I can fc on index is remote control master and that one chocolate pinochio p song expert but I can't play on index anymore so that's worthless

On thumbs it's sage expert (I didn't fc it yet but I know I can)

The closest I am from knowing a vocaloid fan irl is my dad because tiktok and myself kinda converted him to vocaloid music (crazy ik) other than that no :(

Yes I play genshin (cyno main) but I'm a lazy player and I play once every full moon (I'm still in the fandom tho) I do recommend you install it because I think hoyo released an update to lighten the storage genshin takes on mobile by a lot, also if you ever start playing hmu so we can play together :)

My fav emoji is 😔 and 😧 because I use them all the time (and yes I use emojis but not much in posts)

I hope I didn't skip a question on accident lol

Also do you want me to raid your ask box because I want to return the favor

#answering asks #that was LONG #but worth it

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wetcatspellcaster · 6 months ago

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So I have finally completed my first (of I’m sure to be many) complete rereads of Pieces now that it’s completed!! What a difference it is actually to read all the way through vs reading as it updates. I truly felt like I was in fight or flight whenever you released a chapter and read it with a resting heart rate of 92837383833 beats a minute. This read was much less stressful but I still caught myself holding my breath at some parts. The story is so amazing, it may be one of my favorite stories overall, not just one of my favorite fics! You are so talented I honestly don’t know how you are so funny one minute then making feel like I’m going to cry in another. I think my favorite funny line is Rose scandalized at Astarion not eating the muffins, it lives in my mind rent free. I’m so happy we still have An Honest Lie because I am now parasocially too invested in you and your updates for all of them to be gone 😅

I have rambled a lot now but I made a tumblr specifically to follow you and a handful of other writers because I loved getting to see WIP snippets and behind the scenes talk of stuff you all work on. Your posts about how appreciated comments are is the reason why I comment on all the fics I am reading, was always too anxious to do so beforehand. I had a baby in November so these fics have been with me while being awake at all hours of the night and kept me sane knowing I had something to look forward to reading while feeding the baby. I feel like they’ve been through the trenches with me and I will always be thankful for the work you do to give such amazing stories!!

PS one last thing I was never a big Hozier person but I finally listened to Unknown and I am VERY EMOTIONAL NOW 🥲

hey darling! thank you for messaging!!!

Unknown/Nth gets us all, eventually :') what a song! I had to write a whole fic about it and everything.

I'm really glad that you enjoyed Pieces on a reread. from my experience of posting with the full fic outline in mind versus the comments I was getting... I can definitely imagine the two experiences being very different!! Definitely easier to go certain places (and end chapters on certain cliffhangers lmao) when the end is in sight. I love seeing stories as serialised narratives versus complete wholes... one of the reasons I'm such a sucker for fanfic! I'm glad it still holds up as a story and I'm really pleased that you like it.

(Also, thank you for the comment about the muffins. It was just a silly bit but... Oscar Wilde would be so proud.)

And just generally, thank you! I often write myself through and out of tricky times in my own life, and it feels strange to know that someone else is going through much bigger changes than me (a baby! you absolute superstar!) and my writing is doing something similar for them that it is for me :) either providing comfort or just a way to relax or have a silly moment to themselves! anyway, I hope you know comments like these are literally the fuel that keep writers writing, and while we are not entitled to them and you are not obliged to give them, it is literally taking the time for messages like this that have convinced me that this is actually something I'm good at and that it is worth my time! I have a silly goldfish memory when it comes to my own talents, I can convince myself my writing sucks in 2hrs or less, and so I am unfortunately doomed to forever need positive reinforcement... and the thing is, I think most writers are the same!

so thank you!! you clearly have a busy life rn, and so spending any of your time talking to me is a massive compliment that I do not take for granted. readers and commenters are a vital part of this little eco-system and so thank you for sharing my writing with me :) you're probably one of the main reasons it happened at all :) xx

#asks #lovely words from lovely people #wip: pieces still stuck in your teeth

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bmpmp3 · 7 months ago

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I MENTIONED this before but I kind of want to start doing a bit of routine blogging about music! Just for fun, I'm gonna start with a weekly little thing highlighting some covers and remixes I really like.

In general, there will be a bit of vocal synth focus in these posts because 1) I am. unwell. about vocal synthesis rn it haunts my every waking moment i see parameter curves when i close my eyes BUT ALSO 2) the vocal synthesizer community has always been built on covers, remixes, parodies, etc. so its only natural. Songs will likely be originally sung by synths but vocal synth community adjacent songs are also fair game, and who knows I might get bored and talk about a completely unrelated song at some point LOL

BUT of course, the covers, etc. highlighted will not all be sung by synthesizers: anythings fair game here too -> human covers, synth covers, instrumental covers and arranges, remixes, anything! And of course, my dearest twenty still-active followers among the legion of abandoned accounts in our midst, if you have anything you'd like to add on feel free to reblog! I'm always searching. I'm always searching.

I'm not sure if I'll keep this up or how things will go but. well. it's my blog, so we will have a bit of fun! For now, I will call these posts..............Cover-Remix Weekend (I am very good at misjudging how well I can keep to schedule so I'm gonna give myself a two day window to do this LOL and maybe I might post 2......the future is a mystery) for now at least. Maybe someday I will think of a better name (I will probably not) <3

SO with all that out of the way, to begin our very first Cover-Remix Weekend, let's go with a real classic: Koi wa Sensou (恋は戦争) (en: Love is War) by Ryo of Supercell!

You know Ryo, the Melt guy, the World is Mine guy, the Black Rock Shooter guy, the... well, he only worked with Vocaloid specifically for a few years before moving onto other things - but like basically every Vocaloid song he put out ended up becoming a huge vocal synth classic so that's one hell of a legacy for the community.

Koi wa Sensou specifically is one of my favourites: using Miku on the vocals (likely her original Vocaloid 2 release since the song came out in 2008 and I don't think her appends came out until a couple years later), it's a moody, intensely late-00s rock song, brings to mind some of the Linkin Park albums I listened to so much growing up: maybe that's why for years in middle school this was my favourite Vocaloid song...

Really strong, I love a good rock-y tune but what I love most is when there's quiet bits to push up the louder parts, some of those background twinkly synth keyboard sounds (?) really amp it up for me, plus that second verse fuzzy radio effect on the vocals + the reverb. God I love reverb. You can never take reverb away from me. She's my wife. Anyway the song is a love triangle with the singer declaring "war" in her (likely futile) pursuits of her love's affection. Good stuff!

And of course we can't forget this 3D music video by kkkk! Genuinely still really cool looking in my opinion:

(Sorry if the NND links aren't accessible without an account, I forgot if it's still restricted or not. I'm sure it's available on streaming somewhere though, check it out!)

You know, the first Vocaloid song I ever heard was... Melt (like a lot of people at the time LOL) BUT the very first time I had ever heard an utaite (cover singers basically for those who aren't familiar) was with a cover of Koi wa Sensou! Specifically, I was, again, still in middle school, looking up Vocaloid songs on Youtube and stumbling across a half-mislabelled reupload of this cover:

The reupload was called "Love is War - Kaito" with no specification of the singer or credits or anything. It was the way the scene was on Youtube in '08 unfortunately <3

This cover is actually by Nodoame (のど飴), an utaite who was pretty popular in the early days! It seems he's not really active anymore, but his covers were really nice, he's got a solid medium tone with a lot of power and expression. A nice nasal tone + some great bits of distortion on his vocals - one thing you will learn about me through these posts is what my vocal tastes are, and one thing specifically is how much I LOVE screaming HJEKDSJHlkdsfdsfds but for real the "ore no aishaku wo" at the end of that first chorus is fantastic.

Now, the reason I said "half-mislabelled" is because as the video for Nodoame's cover implies, the version of Koi wa Sensou he's singing is not the same as the Hatsune Miku sung original: the lyrics were changed! "Ai wa Sensou" (愛は戦争):

PROBABLY so Kaito and in turn, Nodoame, wouldn't have to sing about their skirts fluttering in the wind. It was 2008 and gendered language changing sure was the thing LOL I don't see it very often anymore, in general music regardless of language nor in vocal synth music specifically: people tend to just keep pronouns and other gendered terms the same nowadays since it doesn't matter too much + you don't have to worry about cadence in changes and such. But it's interesting, a few older Vocaloid tunes I'll talk about will probably have something similar -> lyric-changed versions for different characters, etc.

Now for something a little bit newer (although still nearly a decade old...) The Mwk remix!

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A fun wubby and bwaaaaaa-y remix with an upped pace. I like this remix but I'm not super huge into it by itself - but you know who was enamoured by it? The vocal synth cover community LOL I'm not totally sure why it got so popular, maybe because it was a popular remix already + someone released an UST? Sometimes that's all that's needed to get us going, some project files so we don't have to try to make a midi ourselves <3 but that's just me, there might be something else.

But back on topic, what I do love is the covers people make of this remix, people have so much fun and it always sounds SO good! A classic is this Defoko cover by kimchi-tan:

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Some quick background for those who aren't familiar (a couple IRL friends follow me blog and I am thinking of them when I write these kind of messy explanations. Hewwo fwiends) Uta Utane also known as Defoko (defaultina........) is the default voice built into the free vocal synthesizer program UTAU.

Sidetrack explanation incoming: UTAU is unique in that it was one of the earliest (or maybe the earliest?) vocal synth software that lets anyone make their own voicebanks just by recording audio and writing a configuration file! There are many ways an UTAU vocal synth can be made, and it largely has to do with the way they are recorded and how those recordings play together. For Japanese specifically, two of the most popular recording methods is CV and VCV, consonant-vowel and vowel-consonant-vowel respectively. CV is the easiest and simplest recording method, it doesn't take too long and its a small list of recordings needed to make up Japanese words: each record is a single syllable with every vowel sound + every consonant attached to every vowel, maybe an AH あ sound and then an EE (い) sound, then a BAH (ば) sound and a BEE (び) sound, etc. While this is small, quick, and very solid, it can sound a little choppy since each syllable recording is just silence and then the consonant and vowel, all being stitched together by the program. This is where VCV comes in: instead of recording each syllable individual, you record a string of syllables transitioning together ("AaAhEeAhOohEhAh" type deal) so the program can place the tiniest transition sound between two notes, instead of, say, saying the word baby (I know I'm using english to explain a Japanese recording system shhhh) in CV it would be like. BEH. BEE. vs VCV it would be like BEH. yBEE. that little "y" being the transition sound as it fades one audio file to the next. Lot of recording work but it can sound fantastic, honestly there's plenty of VCV UTAU voicebanks I think sound more high quality and smoother than commercial synths even. Although don't get me wrong, I do love the robotic choppy sound of a CV bank a lot too!

ANYWAY explanation sidetrack over, back on topic: Defoko is interesting in that her recordings were not from a person directly recording for UTAU like most UTAU voicebanks are: they were from a text-to-speech software a la Microsoft Sam, MacinTalk, etc. She has a very unique voice because of this double-synthesis nature: first her voice (Josei 1 in AquesTalk) was synthesized to say basic syllables in a speaking voice, and then those audio files were put into UTAU and stretched and looped to be sung! Really neat. Also this is why I know so much about speech synthesis in general btw, once you get into vocal synths this is what happens to you LOL

Anyway Defoko is a CV bank, but sometimes people will take the original AquesTalk software to make their own VCV banks with the same voice. It's kind of a legal gray area from what I can tell, the guy who makes UTAU has permission from AquesTalk to distribute Defoko in his program if I remember correctly but no one else does - so you won't see any downloads for a Defoko VCV, you can make one yourself for personal use though and people don't really mind! Distribution rights are a big and sometimes messy thing in vocal synth.

BUT what I'm trying to get at is Defoko has a really unique, moody sound to her because of her unusual origins which already works great for this Koi wa Sensou remix, but combined with the smoother sound of the VCV recording method plus kimchi-tan's tuning, this cover sounds really expressive! I love the softer, breathy "baka da na" before the powerful "watashi" before the first chorus especially.

And another Mwk remix cover I like, this one this one by Andyfined - P featuring an early SynthV Editor (pre-SynthV Studio!) version of Genbu:

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I'm assuming based off the description this may have been a beta version of Genbu specifically (I don't remember 2019 super well in regards to vocal synths so I forget his release trajectory orz) but I think he sounds really great here, Genbu's legacy versions have this really nice steadiness in his vocals that I do love.

ONE MORE THING one more thing I prommy I'm almost done. I'm almost done. For today *ominous horror movie music starts playing*

While looking around for title translations I found out that there was a remix project for Koi wa Sensou! It really was like one of the biggest vocaloid songs out there huh... Anyway, Eager Love Revenge is the name, released at Comiket 76, check it out if you have the chance and you just can't get enough of Koi wa Sensou. I haven't listened to it all yet but I'm really enjoying the NTMG Mix by baker (ARPK + Fluffoughts composer if you're familiar):

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I like this producer's house-y style work a lot! The chorus sounds great especially.

AND that is all..........................................................for now. The thing is I really love covers, remixes, all that - I know we all always say we're addicted to music but for me I really am like. Insatiable. Sometimes you love a song so much you need it MORE, not music similar to it but just "MORE"... stuff like this really scratches that itch for me. It really is a way to get MORE of something that there is only one of. I've mentioned before that I'm greedy with music, gluttonous about it, but isn't that a nice thing to be greedy about... it's something so easily shared!

And so I take my leave, thank u and goodnight. (flutters my skirt the wrong way and falls off the radio tower to my doom never to be seen again)

#i didnt realize i would type this much. sorry. it will happen again #cover-remix weekend #<- thats my tag for this musicposting style for now!#also will tumblr kill me again. they have flagged me as a bot before because i loooooove posting links so much HJDKSJFDS #pray for me. pray for me #i just like showing people directions through this internet super highway!! let me liiiiive

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fragment-take-over · 2 years ago

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Info about the Fragmented!Au

Aight I feel the need to explain this au rn and if I don’t i’m going to go crazy mentally and physically like right now (I repeat it’s 5 am, i repeat, it is, 5 am for me rn) alRIGHT, I’ma be cool and just summarize it! Cus ik ppl migghhttttt (if this actually get’s popular, but I hightly doubt that) genuinely wanna read some cool epic lore stuffs about it, nods update: so like, uhhh... this is kinda outdated, and when i get to it, i’ll update this but for now i’ll just leave it alone lol- there are new properties ‘n stuff but among other things I feel like that should just be it’s own separate post mayyybbee? I dunno, there’s a lot to this au and it can be confusing (even in story when i get to writing the story on like wattpad or something) aNYWAYS enjoy this...old/semi-outdated thing yaea :D Note b4(before) summary: So to make it less confusing at first, there are these “realities” and anyone involved with the Fragmented!Au can traverse them with a specific use of technology and “enhancements” you could call them. These “realities” can be infinite, merged, or be erased from existence (these are the only properites of them really). The common themes you’ll see within this au is the infinite, and erasing properties of the realities. ALSO, being in a different reality DOESN’T and I repeat, DOESN’T make the characters age! Like their youth or etc is like frozen in time, since these realities aren’t supposed to hold certain characters ‘n etc. Proper example would be Pac, who isn’t supposed to be in these other realities throughout the au, and how he’s even more ancient than Sir C due to being stuck in a reality he’s not supposed to be in but hey! That’s what you get for not paying attention my guy ---- Anywho, onto the summary :) Basically, similar to Sonic Prime (that show did inspire me for this au ngl), there is a type of “crystal” (it’s..different in this au, you’ll read abt it soon) that shows other realities and basically contains the power of “possessing” all of these realities. For short, hijinks happen that end up making Pac, our beloved yellow orb who eats ghosts boy, end up breaking it this “crystal” into many pieces (primarily through battle conflict). This ends up making Pac have to collect all the pieces, learn how to deal with each reality in the process and finding a way to bring back his own reality that he ended up breaking in the first place. Along with many teachings, learning experiences, traumatizing experiences and friends who you think remember you but don’t even recognize you happen over time. Which in the end this poor kiddo ends up not fixing the “crystal” and ends up stuck in a reality where he really doesn’t wanna be. [What makes it worse was that, in this reality this was the last shard Pac needed before fixing the “crystal” to fix his sad mistake]. This causes more conflict, in the end resulting in Pac committing violence which is unlike his usual pacifist behavior [which was being challenged anyway with the many other realities he had to deal with before this very specific one which will be important]. That, with simplicity ends up changing this kid forever considering that he does indeed end up committing to the felony (a pretty bad one to boot) and changes from the experience forever. Changing his name, doing worse things that don’t make his actions any better, and becoming a substantial threat to all realities he takes part in. Wowie! That was a....long summary. Anywaysss, if this seems interesting feel free to go crazzzyyyy with your theories, and suggestions (once i start releasing the chapters) for pov’s or etc would be nice too! anywho, this is Frag outta de house

#pmatga #fragmented au #fragmented au pmatga #I'm going crazy over this au #please blow up i really want ppl to be invested in this awesomeness of an au #i became severely attached to this au when i started to make it #screams of pure joy #pac man and the ghostly adventures

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trappedward · 2 years ago

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In a deep, dark forest

To begin this blog, I felt it only appropriate to address one of the topics that was the main reason I started this in the first place.

That's right baby we are starting off strong with Kikuo. It should be of no surprise then that Kikuo is my favourite artist, considering I partially dedicated this blog to him and my first post is about his latest song (that you were going to discover as you read on).

So, In a Deep, Dark Forest has finally been uploaded to Spotify after being teased on his Instagram and formally released 2 weeks ago! To be honest, it's felt way more like a month than 2 weeks but also my concept of time has been so fucked up recently. Regardless of that, let's move on to what I really want to say about this song.

(Feel free to give it a listen if you're a passerby or a fan that hasn't heard the song yet so you can gather your own opinions before reading mine)

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Again, to no surprise, I LOVE THIS SONG. I never listen to songs on repeat, usually I'll put a few songs in between and then re-listen. HOWEVER I could not help but put it on repeat a few times when It released on Spotify just a little bit ago.

It's classic Kikuo; upbeat yet distorted tempo and whacky little sound effects if you listen carefully. It's why I love his music so much. I've rarely found music artists quite like him and every time I listen to his music, I either find something new or find that I listen to it differently than I last did - if that even makes sense?

But I'm not here to just summarise. After all, I've DEDICATED this blog to my interests. That means I'm doing this properly baby - I'm breaking down every aspect of THIS ONE SONG that I feel like talking about for my own sick pleasure. Ladies and gentlemen, let's properly start the blog.

QI XUAN

For this song Kikuo diverted from his usual use of Hatsune Miku and instead decided to use Qi Xuan as his vocalist. Now I'm fully aware that this is not the first time Kikuo has used Qi Xuan's or another Vocaloid's voice bank - he has dabbled with Stardust Infinity and his song ローディーローディー/ Roadie Roadie features Qi Xuan. I just felt the need to point this out because for the past few years we have seen KIKUOMIKU 1-6 so I was interested to see that he had tried something else for the first time in a while (aside from collabs with Si_ku and Hanatan, etc). Anyway... Qi xuan! I personally think her vocals were amazing for this song. Don't get me wrong, I adore Miku and I absolutely understand why she is one of the most liked vocaloids. She's always amazing for Kikuo's music. This time though Qi Xuan just seemed like a more obvious choice in hindsight. While her voice is still soft (just like Miku), it sounded a bit more lively in somes parts as opposed to Kikuo's Miku usually being pretty deadpan or emotionless. Qi's smooth, more exasperated vocal seems to fit the flowy aspects of this song and make it sound sort of like a tide. Drawing out and then back in. She just has a bit more emotion at parts idk... maybe I'm just way too used to the atypical Kikuo Miku that hearing something different feels more realistic in terms of making it sound like an actual person.

COVER ART

From what I understand from Kikuo's description on the youtube upload of this song, the artwork was a collaboration between him and Si_ku. Which like.... HELLO?! When was the last time Kikuo drew one of his own album or single covers? And to do a collab with his star artist Si_ku? MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN I say. I absolutely adore Si_ku and her artstyle and that she is constantly working with Kikuo. Having them work together to make the artwork is just... it's incredible to me. It's got the usual style of Si_ku mixed with that "grimeieness" that Kikuo usually exploits. I've stared at it for so long just looking at the intricate details and colours hidden within all the lines spewing out from the main subject. Imagining Kikuo and Si_ku in the same room making this is so cool to me and IDK MAN I'M JUST FAN-GIRLING SO HARD RN.

INSTAGRAM STORIES

I follow Kikuo on Instagram. As much as it is an annoyance to me, I use Instagram a lot (more than Twitter). Can you imagine my surprise when I saw Kikuo's icon at the top of my screen in the stories bar? The speed at which I clicked was that of mach 20. I. WAS. NOT. DISAPPOINTED. This is probably not the right spot for this segment of the blog but do I care? No. Anywayssss seeing his behind the scenes process and getting casual updates throughout the week was awesome. I've always enjoyed watching him deconstruct his process especially since he doesn't actually know anything about music theory. He just does whatever sounds good to him and it's so garbled but insanely interesting as he explains why he makes the choices he does, how it isn't based on any logic in regards to making music but because of some reason that is akin to his creative process. If that makes sense. I'm sorry if my speech is hard to understand because I'm multi-tasking atm and rereading my sentences doesn't always help me edit. Ok I digress for the millionth time. Kikuo's instagram stories were not something I thought he'd take interest in starting considering that he really just works at his own pace being the NPC he is. Not complaining though and I will happily eat my meal.

ENDING SEGMENT

I would love to continue but I have lost track of my thoughts because I had a 2 hour interval at one point when writing this because I got distracted ACK. I may do a part two but that is only if I can get my shit together and not have like 5 different people trying to message me at once (I'm grateful for all of you though FR). For anyone who somehow is interested in this or has made it to the end of this post, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me your thoughts on the topic / this song! I would love to discuss it even if only briefly in the notes. That's all, bye bye.

#kikuo #vocaloid #Youtube

8 notes · View notes

needyoulikeaheartbeet · 6 months ago

Text

the tortured poets department: the anthology - first listen

THIS IS SO EXCITING So I have been exhausted 25/8 because of work and my body constantly aching from long covid (i love ma life) so I only got to listen the next day I tried to stay up until midnight but I literally only made it to ~11:45 lmao

My eyes popped out of my head when I woke up to a double album drop - 31 SONGS TO LISTEN TO IN ONE GO I WAS SO HYPE I also laughed bc ofc taylor did a surprise release and now we have 31 new gems to treasure HERE ARE MY FIRST THOUGHTS !!

1. Fortnight SOFT SYNTH OH HER VOICE????? OH I LIKE THIS Y DID THAT REMIND ME OF FLORENCE OL ENDLESS FEBRUARY… I LOVE YOU ITS RUINING MY LIFE I really like post malone HELL YA FLORIDA She said america its like she said my name

2. The Tortured Poets Department Ok drum O no fuckin body alright gf SPARKLY Charlie poot You awaken with dread, pounding nails in your head I laughed in your face and said - i like how she sings that!!! Wow her lows and highs in this song are wild! Bridge is best rn in this song !! oh wow jack lucy wowee Omg the ring????????????? Hello jack

3. My Boy Only Breaks His Favourite Toys Oh okay her VOICE Miss voice The deep parts helloooooooooooo This wasnt the sound i thought we’d get for this song at all but this is cool (i was expecting like a sultry old timey jazzy "my boy" song in the same like arena of the start of christmas tree farm old timey version lmao) Litany This is gonna get stuck in my head often i can already see it i can already tell Danger in the heat of my touch Once i fix me hes gonna miss me???? Wow thats so real Told me im BETTER OFF Imma shake my fist

4. Down Bad THIS SOUND HELLO? Ok but her oice????? YAAAA What is this noise bro Oo cosmic love But the way she sings the verses??? Ofc hi jack Its gonna grow on me ik aaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAA bubble sound There are so many f words I might just die it would make no difference real Ok but these worbly sounds are nice THAT SOUND AT THE END GIVES lana vibes

5. So Long London Hello choir Oh so SO long LONG OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Lmao Oh Ok i kinda love htis Ok i love her VOICE HELLO? OO Omg Omg Omg THE SPINE BRAIN MAKE LAUGH LINES WOEOWOEWOEOWE (why did i write brain? HAHA) OH THE TRAGEDY STUF that is so good Whoa holy shit the lyrics ALL THAT YOUTH FOR FREE???? N HER VOICE? WOW 2 graves 1 gun OH LAYERING IS THAT PIANO OR SYNTH IDK ITS SO GOOD My mouth has been open Her voice im screaming i love it and the FASTNESS SO GOOD THAT GUITAR Bro????????????????????????? I want to put this on repeat

6. But Daddy I Love Him I want to prance on my tip toes and throw leaves one by one Reminds me of a 2000s movie Omg jack and aaron on this one Im vibin Ok bitchin Omg thats a WILD part lmfaooo HELLO? Thats kind of crazy lmaoooo like i get it but wowee Its giving ours vibes Im having his BABY? yeah you should see my face LMAO What is happening in this song lmao IM NOT CATCHING ALL THE LYRICS YET ITS TOO SOON AND NOW I FEEL LIKE THAT MR KRABS MEME i like when she sings it was chaos etc

7. Fresh Out The Slammer OH HELL YEAH ELL YEAH I AM ALREADY INTO IT Interesting drum Wow her range in this song too that was so low Is that a violino PRETTY MELODY O it slowed down Ok i like the ending bit

8. Florida!!! her vocals MUAH LIL REVERBY GUITAR the drums threw me off ok florence vocals! so flowy bodies body in my mind they sink into the swaMP???? ok the home and town part is nice at the end here oo

9. Guilty As Sin? Ok beat AM I ALLOWED TO CRY !!!!! Ok chorus is NICE Ok so far this is my second fave!!!!!! Ok i really like this WHAT IF HES WRITTEN MINE ON MY UPPER THIGH ONLY IN MY MIND Without ever touching his skin HOW CAN I BE GUILTY AS SIN BEECH Theyre gonna crucify me anyway HOLD ME OO Wow religious hello Nice bridge Oh I choose you and me religiously eEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Oh wow interesting way to jump back into the chorus that is different I LIKE IT Ok IM INTO THIS

10. Who's Afraid Of Little Old Me? This is reminding me of 2013 idk why OHHHHHHH YOUDONT GE TTO TELL ME ABOUT SAD YES BEECH OH WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW YES OK YES The guitar and the intonation and her VOICE YES SCREAMIN HELL YAAA Omg i love this Ok another top song Omg i love this Ok this is #2 … or #1… !! Everything about this !!!!!!!! WHOS AFRAID OF LITTLE OLD MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe SELF WRITTEN YAS Oh the but what ifs so real lmaoo Omg yes Asylum where they raised me?? Bb :( drunk on my own tears??? Lol put narcotics into all my songs ha ha Circus life made me mean Lured hurt taught caged ??? calle dcrazy? Aw :( i am what i am cause you traine dme??? Oh

11. I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) Ok i liked that first sound Good guitar Shes delulu ? Texas part was lana like Wow face… that was really low Domme vibes ????? good boy? Come closer? Ill show you heaven if youll be an angel all night? Okkkkkkkk maam ! Oh i liked i told you hes my man hec ya Lmao whoa maybe i cant thats funny

12. loml Pinnano Ok this is going to be nice Omg i thought i was better safe than starry eyed ok!!!!! This sounds sweet I like Topper Aw the way she said you said im the love of your life about a million times Blew in with the winds of fate omg Omg the fakes line CONMAN WOW Omg never before and ever since HER VOICE STHUSHGRJ THIS IS A STORY WOWOEWOE OWEER I love this Omg the vocals in th eback Mr steal your girl then make her cry wow UNRECALL SONG!! Omfg cant get out of bed bc something counterfeit is dead OKKKKKKK This is a top song Valiant roar Bland goodbye Woweweowoeoweooweotwetirfv Nfkjnksjnsn Braids of lies !!!!!!!!!!!!! This is so good stfu :( OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD YOURE THE LOSS OF MY LIFE SHUT THE FUCK UP SOMEONE GUESSED IT WOULD GO FROM LOVE OF MY LIFE TO LOSS OF MY LIFE SHU T UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP Im crying btw holy shit that was so good.

13. I Can Do It With A Broken Heart Oh zippy HEY EY EY Lol Aw while on tour Mirroball? Hello lol He said he’d love me all his life Omg thats so fuNNYYYYYYYYYYYYY SHUT UP LMAO Barbie !! It's giving Barbie!! LOL Im laughing so much this is great Im so depressed, i cry a lot Amaizing. So real. What a professional LMAO i cannot IM SO DEPRESSED I AC TLIKE ITS MY BIRTHDAY EVERY DAY <3 I CRY A LOT BUT I AM SO PRODUCTIVE ITS AN ART Ok i love this so much lmaoooo Cause im miserable! And nobody even knows!!! What a professional queen LMAO TRY AND COME FOR MY JOB? I love her stfu I wanna listen to it again please omg

14. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived Ofc jw lmao help me who the fuck was that guy Oh the beat is building Omg ? Who tf ghosts taylor swift ? im gonna fight Rusting my sparkling summer wow Oh my god this is savage i dont miss what we had but could someone give a message to the smallest man who ever lived KNGKJFNG Deep voice Oh bridge vocals YAAAAAA STRINGS YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA You deserve PRISON?? GIRLL Slip through the bars that was nice CRASHED MY PARTY NICE PERFORMING nice i love how shes singing these parts !!!!!!!!!! Ok i like how that tied up and ended neat

15. The Alchemy Ok i like this alreadyyyyyyyy It's reminding me of Glitch??? idk why Love white wine Ok yaaa ! Smooth Low vocals allooo But even the instrumentals i love Top ranking song Oh winning streak sound in the back i love

16. Clara Bow Ok i like the heaviness of the guitar yes Think i might die! Aw lights of manhattan Promise to be dazzling Stringy sound!! Stevie nicks! Knew this was aaron Suits in LA - i love when she does this in songs man idk she does it so well :) Im dancing Beauty is a beast etc nice Girlish glow flickers just so omfg nice Its hell!! On earth!! oMG THIS PART IS SO NICE STFU You look like taylor swift?? Omg The futures bright dazzling DUDE SHE DOES THIS SO WELL SHUT UP I LOVE SONG WRITER TAYLOR SWIFT. this is so soft Reminds me of The Lucky One

17. The Black Dog This sounds sad already Oh Oh that is sad Oh its a bar You forgot to turn it off :c Best laid plans!!!!!!!!!! Oh in the shower Rain soaked body was shaking omg ............................. IS THIS MY SHOW. ok erica not everything is abt u BREATHING CLEAN AIR SMOKE OGMKGJF Aw :( set fire to all my clothes hello jack Omg our/my dreaming

18. imgonnagetyouback WE WONT GET FOOLED AGAIN NONO Thats the vibe Ok nvm

Oh Thats nice This will grow on me fr sure NICE BRIDGEEE LOL even if handcuffed Oooo play the game part Im poison either way skfjdn Ok going back into chorus was v nice end chorus is so nice w back vocals

19. The Albatross AARON VIBES I like how her voice sounds it is TO MY TASTEEEE Ok this is a top so far i think It is giving folklore Oooo vocal range I'm dancing And i tried to warn you about them that is very taylor sounding

20. Chloe Or Sam Or Sophia Or Marcus Why cant my name be chosen Oh i like the piano hello?????? My bones out? Oh the guitar? Bro this is SO pretty Oh this is so good wowowowow Its building up ?? i love this This tops the albatross Depths of your sigh?? Her breathin?? Float in your orbit Her voice !!! stop it! I love this SAY YOU LOVED ME AAAAAAAA Oh vocals i love Will i always wonder TOP SONG HOLY SHIT i am hurt

21. How Did It End? Ok hi vocal i love u SO MUCH? Wow Omg the QR CODES Flower! I love the piano and her voice wow Oh i love that so much the VOCAL TUNE Learned the right steps to different dances!!! Top song i think idk omg I would do so bad singing to this by myself between verse and chorus oof lol Oh guitar heading into bridge i loooooooooooooove this stuff Yes aaron My beloved ghost and me thats cute I cant pretend like i understand either

22. So High School GUITAR BEBIIIIIIIII very good DRUMS This is p different!! LOW Cute this is giving like 2000s romcom vibe Lol thats cute marry kiss or kill me INTERVIEW - OMG BETTING ONALL THREE? Awwww car door This is so cute Ok this part is cute and catchy you knew what you wanted and boy you got her !! She is so in luv very cute Ok im dancin this is really cute I feel so high school every time i look at u !! TRUTH DARE SPIN BOTTLES thats so catchy i love it I can dance around to this for sureeEEEEEEEEEEEEe ok i love

23. I Hate It Here I hear u countin This is so aaron I like the concept of secret gardens I also hate it here 1830s good clarification omg shes so right This is good??? LUNAR VALLEYS !!!! Only the gentle survived Wow this is so REAL I dreamed about it in the dark the night i felt like i might die? Omg. is she me? This is very real i am hurting Ill save all my romanticism??? HELLO? Made me feel worthless? CURRENT FLIES THROUGH ME? LOVE Wow i love this song? This is a top im not kidding An anthem YOU ARE A POET TRAPPED INSIDE THE BODY OF A FINANCE GUY LMAO? Sorry Finance guy

Thats so funny I loved this song Im kinda crying now though i feel seen Tbt the story i tried to write in high school called the art of disappearing

24. thanK you aIMee I like her voice Down the stairs? I cri lmao I cant forget the way you made me heal!! Laughing at each baby step i take? Same searing pain!!! Aw. prayed that one day i could say !!! You know what i am totally with this fuck you aimee hell yeah KGNKFSJGFSNGFSKG ANDREA LMFAO PLEASE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WISHED YOU WERE DEAD??? ANDREA!!!! LOL OMG I BUILT A LEGACY THAT YOU CANT UNDO. GOOSEBUMPS. Wow Bro this is good? Aw bea tmy spirit black and blue Im laughing so much about andrea PLEASE Aw i pushed each boulder up that hill This sounds country This warm my heart idk ilu taylor what a complex feeling to capture

25. I Look In People's Windows Same Dancing to this guitar I spied the catch in your breath ooo Chorus is fun Omg what if your eyes looked up and met mine OOOOO LOVE VOCALS If someone looked at me while i was looking into their house id scream This is a nice song Does it feel alright to not know me OMG Im addicted to the if onlys This is so good LOL like im some deranged weirdo The downtown part man wow

26. The Prophecy I heard the countin Oooo i like where this guitar is taking us Ok so far im enjoying this Caught lightning in a bottle Oh!!! Cursed like eve ot bitten!! Change the prophecy wow Aw Just wants someone who wants my company :( Ok dude this is so good?????? This is literally so good? DRUMS HELLO IM HYPE Very last drops of an ink pen This is so good????? BUT EVEN STATUES CRUMBLE IF THEYRE MADE TO WAIT Greige Aw So someone will tell me itll be okay Is that string instrument?? This song is the version of the hello god its me when will it be my turn meme Omg vocals wow that was magical REminds me of seven

27. Cassandra Placing daydreams PIANOOOOOOOOOO Omg in ym tower weaving nightmares? They say what doesnt kill you makes you aware what happens if it becomes who you are Payroll line is like the vibe i thought my boy etc wouldve sounded Omg no one heard NICE SNAKES omg i understand Do you believe me now omg A mourning warning no one heard wow Omg she sang so low how does she do that

28. Peter Oh i LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE this piano I wanna learn it This is self written Omg peter pan??? Promises ocean deep but never to keep Is the sound muffled I LOVE THAT OLD TIEMY 25??? Oh shelf life omg Lost to the lost boys chapter of your life !! Oooo the way she sang the light speak now vibe I really love the piano the repetition is an interesting choice i need my brain to process it and figure out what it mean

29. The Bolter I like the soun I like story :) Cute melody Oh WHORE ok!! caught me off guard ngl lmaoo As she was leaving it felt like breathing !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Making him care oh All roses portrait poses omg LOL what a charming saturday! Oooooooooo littlest leaks races/aces sound nice Escape in escaping nice Hands around each others shoulders and swaying to the beat and singing lmao Then i would jump abt all her lives lol Sounds nice

30. Robin Pinnano Her voice sounds so clean and smooth Omg thats the aaron beat Wow deep voice Her range Aaron guitar sounds or is tha tbass Looooooooooooooooooooooong may you roar In sweetness tiger…WOODS? Tbh idk whats happening in terms of lyrics i am not processing them right now but her voice is pretty This is about a child? And childhood before you are CORRUPTED ? owwie :( wholesome :(

31. The Manuscript PINNANO Good voice i like I love the story tellin Is this the first time she said sex I eat kids cereal Oh :( owwie Aaron sounds Good vocal omg One last souvenir Oh but the story isnt mine anymore wow!!! What a journey!

this album is incredible

#usually when its my first listen i dont really process lyrics skgjnfskg i just listen to melodies and the instruments and vocals etc #idk music terminology i cri but you know what i mean right #personal #ttpd #first listen reaction

1 note · View note

leclercsainzz · 1 year ago

Note

hii, i was wondering if you could do a smau with mason mount where the reader is a singer and releases “traitor” after they break up

please 🙏🏼

TRAITOR

PAIRINGS: mason mount x fem!singer!reader

TYPE: social media au

yourusername

liked by benchilwell, declanrice and 594,937 others

yourusername: traitor is out everywhere now!! 🤎

view 7,947 comments

user: this better win song of the year!!!

user: mason’s currently crying in a corner rn

↳ user: as he should!

user: “guess you didn’t cheat, but you’re still a traitor” 😭

↳ user: might not be a “cheater” but it doesn’t change the fact that he got with her best friend smh

declanrice: already on repeat

↳ yourusername: i love you, dec!! 🥺

reece: 🤎

chelseafc: deserves song of the year

↳ yourusername: <33

user: LOVE how all his friends and club are supportive of her

↳ user: makes me soo happy!!

user: “loved you at your worst” she truly was there with him throughout EVERYTHING unlike @yourbff

↳ user: let’s not give attention to boyfriend stealer

cmpulisic: already on my playlist

↳ yourusername: love yaaa, chris <3

yourusername

liked by yourbff, trentarnold66 and 528,692 others

yourusername: if i was you, i’d wanna be me too 💋

view 4,946 comments

user: the caption 👀

user: @yourbff truly obsessed with our girl, she’s still liking her pictures as if they were still friends 💀

user: she’s glowing more than ever

benchilwell: 🤩

user: our queen is thriving!!! ✨

↳ user: she’s truly better off without those flops

sophiaamelia: stunning as ever 😍

↳ yourusername: 😘 mwahh

user: damn mason really fumbled the bag

↳ user: she was way out of his league anyways

user: i love that she’s smiling again, she deserves to be happy!!

↳ yourusername: <33

↳ user: oMG ALSKDKD I LOVE YOU

yourusername

liked by benchilwell, kendalljenner and 560,830 others

yourusername: this is how we roll @benchilwell @charleyborquez

view 6,946 comments

yourbff: so is ben getting mason’s left overs or??

comment has been deleted

user: CHILLYYYY 🥶

user: you’re literally sooo stunnin’

declanrice: ice, ice baby

↳ yourusername: rice, rice baby*

user: i just know mason’s throwing a fit somewhere after seeing that ben is hanging out with yn 😂

user: did anyone else see @yourbff comment?!???

↳ user: I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE

user: pretty girl!! 😍

user: my fav duo (ben&yn)

kaihavertz29: where was my invite?

↳ cmpulisic: ^

user: she’s soo beautiful 😩

masonmount

liked by yourbff, oliviergiroud and 688,947 others

masonmount: when you’re hungry, just have some leftovers

view 5,937 comments

user: if you don’t stfu 😕 you’re just bitter she called you out

user: the double meaning of the caption LMAOO

↳ user: help, i don’t get it

↳ user: yn posted a pic with ben recently and his little girlfriend said something along the lines of “ben is getting mason’s left overs” before deleting the comment sooo mason’s basically telling ben to have his left overs (as in yn)

yourbff: that’s my baby!! 😍

yourbff: pic creds to me:)

↳ user: must feel nice to have yn’s left overs

↳ user: bitch must’ve been real hungry

user: love how everyone is dragging the left over meal along with his side

↳ user: YOU DID NOT 💀💀

user: if anything she’s having yn’s left overs

yourusername

liked by reecejames, lewishamilton and 583,729 others

yourusername: massive shout out to everyone who streamed and bought traitor!! i love you all soo much <33 🥰

view 6,107 comments

user: you deserve it, queen!!! ❤️

lewishamilton: can confirm this is roscoe favorite song atm

↳ yourusername: YOURS or roscoe’s? 🤔

user: this songs lives rent free in my head

user: YOU BETRAYED ME

↳ user: aND I KNOW THAT YOU’LL NEVER FEEL SORRY

declanrice: proud of you, yn!! ❤️

benchilwell: well deserved

chelseafc: we’ve got it on repeat 🤩

↳ user: even chelsea admin knows what’s up

user: she’s an icon, she’s a legend and she’s THE moment

user: thriving!! 🩷

user: i love this woman with my whole heart, i swear

yourusername

liked by sophiaamelia, kaihavertz29 and 598,639 others

yourusername: as g-eazy once said, “fuck fake friends, we take l’s we just make m’s” 💋

view 8,629 comments

sophiaamelia: the baddest out there 🤤

↳ yourusername: that’s you, loverrr 🩷

masonmount: 😂

comment has been deleted

user: i swear mason and his dog stay PRESSED 💀

↳ user: they’re obsessed (i don’t blame them)

↳ user: they stay checking up on her

↳ user: she lives rent free in their heads 😂

lewishamilton: fuck it up 🤩

benchilwell: 🔥

izakova: the prettiest 😍

↳ yourusername: all youuu 😘

trentarnold66: icon 🤩

leahwilliamson: ooouu she pretty

↳ yourusername: *kisses* 💋

user: i definitely get why @yourbff is OBSESSED with her, omg! she’s literally soo gorgeous 😩

494 notes · View notes

thanatos-nightshade · 2 years ago

Text

I posted 14,052 times in 2022

That's 5,524 more posts than 2021!

13 posts created (0%)

14,039 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@olivegardenmenu

@willworkforcakes

@shpider

@tigerintherain

@seeyouguyslater

I tagged 762 of my posts in 2022

#ohshc - 11 posts

#fashion - 9 posts

#come back to this - 9 posts

#listen - 7 posts

#t-n talks - 6 posts

#art ref - 5 posts

#tbd - 5 posts

#food - 5 posts

#lmao - 5 posts

#screaming - 5 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#a nutshell sorry not sorry also im not bragging about my artistic skills because for realsies i'm just slightly above average on them so li

My Top Posts in 2022:

I finally did some art.

1 note - Posted March 3, 2022

when you get this you have to answer with 5 things u like about yourself, publicly. then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)

I'm fucking adorable. I guess like shallow/narcissistic but more along the lines of generally I like how I look. There are some things that I don't like but they don't perturb me that much. Generally I think I'm adorable/cute and I like that but have the occasional issue with grander adjectives like beautiful/sexy that we won't get into because liking myself is enough.

I like that I'm good at art?? I'm not like fantastic but aaah to make this easier on me this can lead into my next one

I like my jack-of-all-trades thinking in that I don't really try to HONE one craft and instead try to experience things generally. For example, when it comes to art, I'm not that great digitally or traditionally, or musically, theatrically, or other. HOWEVER I have experience in all these areas ranging from oil paints, watercolors, ceramics, theater workshop, drama, choir, dance, sewing, crafts etc does gymnastics count? jk whatever So I like that I have not only had all the opportunities to try these but that I have tried to work on each of them a moderate amount we're working on sewing and crafting it's my lowest art stat rn followed closely by instruments

Let's see, I like my friend choices. I feel like all the friends I've made have been pretty good. Some have stuck around more than others but any friend GROUP that I've stuck with for a period of time like months to years, I always think about fondly. I don't think I've ever had like an insanely toxic friend or like a friend that would back stab me does that make me the toxic friend? Anyways, I feel like a lot of my life is colored by the friends/people I've surrounded myself with and yeah sure not all of my life is great but I made some nice friends and had some good shenanigans wherever I went.

Last but not least, I like my absolutely self indulgent/self insert nature. Listen, there is like no fandom that I have been a part of where I have NOT self inserted myself into in some way or another and god damn it NOBODYS GONNA DO THAT SHIT FOR YOU UNLESS YOU PAY THEM. I CAN PUT MYSELF INTO MY FAVORITE FANDOMS FOR FREE AND BY GOLLY I'M GONNA DO IT CAN'T STOP ME MY BRAIN IS A SELF INDULGENT THIRST MACHINE AND IT IS GOING

Anyways thank you so much for sending me this ask. It took me two days to get to it because I needed to sit down and think through these. I can't wait to send this to some of my followers!

2 notes - Posted May 23, 2022

I'm posting this at night because I want to share this and then bury it in reblogs because this scares me

3 notes - Posted September 18, 2022

My birthday is on the 6th so i cant help but think that scara being released then is hoyos bday gift to me (i may or may not cry if i dont pull him)

6 notes - Posted December 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I need to put diluc and dainsleif on either side of leon from dislyte because i swear to god its all i see

11 notes - Posted May 14, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

0 notes

monsterenergysimp · 4 years ago

Text

Permanence

corpse husband x fem!reader

summary: you meet corpse on a stream and you’re surprised when he reaches out to you

warnings: cursing, mentions of tattooing

word count: 1.9k

notes: This is proof read but could have missed some stuff. This is my first corpse fic and my first time writing fanfic since I posted that super cringey book on wattpad when I was like 12 or something. I’d appreciate feed back so please reach out to me :)

main blog @itsmysleepover

read part 2 here!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You were cleaning up your station so you can get home and stream. You loved your day job as a tattoo artist but you also really enjoyed streaming. It started as a way to promote yourself as an artist and the shop you worked at but it eventually became a really fun way to destress at the end of the week (or day if you were really itching to stream). “Hey Y/N was that your last client?” your boss, KC, asked as she walked to the front of the shop and put new flash drawings on the walls.

“Yes ma’am!” You said back excitedly. You finished cleaning your station and tossed your black gloves in the trash. “And you can’t trick me into staying and taking walk-ins,” you joked with her. She rolled her eyes and walked back into her office “It was one time,” she said as you slid on your jacket. As you walked out your phone buzzed in your pocket and you checked to see who had texted you. It was a message from Sean asking if you were free to play Among Us with him and some other streamers. You replied that you were on your way home right now and totally down. You were excited to see who was playing this time around since their Among Us streams are super entertaining and have gotten really popular.

On your way back you tweeted and posted to your Instagram story that you’d be streaming soon and set up all your stuff once you made it home. After a few minutes, you had a couple of thousand people watching. You entered the discord chat and Sean spoke up. “Everyone this is Y/N she’s sensitive so be gentle.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you guys and I’m not gentle, I'm ruthless,” You say into your mic and notice the chat calling you a liar. Everyone was in the lobby waiting for the game to start. “You sound way too sweet to be ruthless,” Corpse said. The countdown started and you were imposter with Charlie.

“This should be fun,” you told the stream. Yout tried playing strategically but after such a long shift your brain was mush. You saw Poki in nav and killed her then vented into shields. Not long after the body was reported and you were sure you were going to get voted out or at least sussed.

“Where was the body?” Felix asked. “Nav and I didn’t see anyone near there so whoever is imposter must have vented,” Corpse responded. Felix spoke up again. “I think I saw Y/N walk that way and I haven’t seen her since.”

Shit, shit, shit shit. “I’m in shield right now so-” you said trying to defend yourself but Charlie spoke up. “I was doing tasks with her earlier and I saw her walk into shields so she’s safe but I’m still not sure about Rae.” Everyone discussed a bit more and some people, including Corpse, voted for you but Rae got the majority vote and was ejected. You released your breath and kept playing being extra careful.

“Okay, guys that was super close. Corpse knows and is out to get me,” you said to the chat. You were eventually voted off but one round later victory was written across your screen with your ghost and Charlie’s avatar. “Good game guys,” Corpse said.

“I told you guys I was ruthless!”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You sat at your station doing nothing because a client had canceled a four-hour session. You were listening to music and sketching some stuff but you were bored out of your mind and you didn’t want to leave in case you got a walk-in. The music got quiet as you received a twitter notification saying someone had messaged you. You reached for your phone and saw you had gotten a dm from Corpse.

C: hey :)

You didn’t know what to respond. You were mostly confused as to why he decided to message you out of the blue. Did he want something? But what would he want?

Y: Hii! This is sudden

C: was i bothering you?

shit sorry!

Y: Youre fine I wasn’t doing anything rn

C: how has your day been

i dont usually do stuff like this

Y: Im glad you did im doing better now I was so bored

C: what were you doing that was so terrible

Y: NOTHING! thats the problem :(

C: im sure youll find something to do

You stared at his message. Unsure what to respond.

Y: Im gonna give myself a tattoo

C: what?

NO!

You tossed the needles you used for your tattoo into the sharps box. “Oh my god you didn’t,” KC said. She noticed the wrap on your calve from the tattoo you just gave yourself out of boredom. “It’s not my fault I didn’t have anything else to do!” You said trying to defend yourself. She sighed and just shook her head. “Just go home business is slow today.” It was raining so the shop probably wasn’t going to get a walk-in anyway and you didn’t have any more clients for the day. It was only 2 pm but you drove home and after making lunch for yourself decided to stream. You weren’t expecting too many people so it was bound to be super chill. Your leg felt sore reminding you of the tattoo. You snapped a quick pic of the fresh jack-o-lantern on the side of your calve and messaged it to Corpse.

Y: [image] it came out nice!

C: thats super cool actually

i was concerned why you would just give yourself a tattoo but i found your instagram and youre super talented

Y: Thank you!

For some reason, it felt strange to just have that be the end of your response.

Y: Im about to start streaming if you wanted to watch

[link]

C: ill be watching ;)

What’s that supposed to mean?

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You sat in your apartment watching tv, hand lost in a bag of Doritos, and scrolling through twitter. You had stopped paying attention to the anime playing on the screen since you’ve watched it a hundred times and knew you wouldn’t miss anything. It was Saturday and you usually take those days off. Take the time to do chores or meet up with some friends but today you felt like not doing any of those things. As you continue your endless scroll (not helping the twitter addiction you told yourself you’d try to get a handle on) you got a message from Corpse.

C: wanna talk?

You looked down at the message unsure of how to answer. It was a simple yes or no and the obvious answer was yes. You and Corpse had started talking more regularly. You still didn’t have each other’s phone numbers but it was fine. Your conversations weren’t too big-- just you sending him memes, tiktoks, and telling him how much you liked the songs he would drop. Or him complimenting a tattoo you did. Sometimes he’d message you during streams telling you funny stuff his fans would say in the chat and you’d do the same. You learned a bit about each other but nothing too deep or serious. Like how you two lived a few cities away and you both really liked Donnie Darko. When Sean first invited you to that game out of everyone else there you were most excited to meet Corpse. He’s just so sweet and funny. Of course, you’d love to talk to him but you were also itching to talk to him and the last thing you’d ever want to do was make him uncomfortable.

Y: Yeah id love to talk

Here goes nothing.

Y: Wanna facetime or something?

No pressure or anything it could even be a regular call

I think facetime is just my default lol

You sent those last two messages quickly after you had sent the first. You wished you could know what he was thinking. It was killing you to think you had turned him off from talking to you completely. You put your phone down on the couch and went to wash your hand of Dorito dust. When you got back from the kitchen you turned off the tv and tossed yourself onto the couch.

Still no message.

Why am I so fucking stupid?

Just as you were standing up to stretch from sitting on the couch all day your phone buzzed. You reached for it fast and looked to see that it was him. You became super excited still not even knowing what the message said. It could have told you to never talk to him again for all you knew.

C: sure lets facetime

xxx-xxx-xxxx

You had his phone number. You added him to your small but growing contact list and called. You sat on your couch waiting for a response when he finally picked up the screen was black. It didn’t upset you; you kind of expected it and didn’t care what he had to do to make himself more comfortable during this call.

“Hey,” he said. His voice was raspier than usual.

“Did you just wake up?” You asked and looked at the time. It was about a little past noon and you had only eaten Doritos all day. Shit, you should probably make a decent meal.

“Not that long ago but yeah,” he responded and giggled. That giggle.

“Well, I’ve eaten nothing but Doritos all day while rewatching Ouran High School Host Club, so you’re welcome to join me as I make myself something to eat.”

“Sounds like fun; what are we eating?”

“I don’t know yet,” You said as you stood up and made your way to the kitchen. You opened the pantry and looked. You noticed a can of diced tomatoes and reached for it then checked the expiration date. It was still good. On your counter were some onions and garlic. “How about some tomato soup?”

“Sounds delicious.” you smiled at Corpse and your phone screen not knowing if he was also looking at his screen or not. “You’re really pretty-- you know that?”

“Thanks, but you don’t have to--”

“I’ve already told you what an incredible artist you are so many times I bet you’re tired of hearing it, but you already know what a talented artist you are.”

“That is very kind of you Corpse,” you said to him bashfully as you chopped the onion and opened the can of tomatoes. “But once again you don’t have to reach so far to compliment me.”

“I’m not reaching you are talented and beautiful and--”

“I thought I was pretty.” You could hear him chuckle with a smile on his face. “You’re both,” he said. You could feel your face getting warm from blushing.

“Fuck you you’re making me blush. My face is all hot and stuff.”

He laughed at how flustered you got. “That’s the cutest thing ever.”

You didn’t know how to respond so you just put some olive oil in a pot and tossed in your onions. It became silent but it was a comfortable silence. You turned the stove on and watched the flame for a few seconds. “If it was dark we could pretend we were together and having a bonfire or something,” you said to the phone as you turned the camera to show him the flame (still not 100 percent sure if he was looking at you or not).

“I’ll put it on the list of things to do when you visit me someday.”

#corpse husband #corpse husband x reader #corpse husband imagine #corpse husband imagines #corpse husband x y/n #youtubers #caffeinated ramblings

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hyocherie · 2 years ago

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hi hi, seiji here.

below the line will be just maybe some shit and an explanation for my post schedule for both accounts. and how i'm doing rn and this account.

ik i'm just reblogging, and retweeting, idk in here but yeah that's the only thing i'll probably do...for now.

i have so much to do at school, practising for our field demo, etc etc, that i have no time to update my stories or even just post anything related to tokyo revengers or anything else that i do post.

for my incorrect 1st gen bd asks, answers will be on hold until i get myself together. i'm answering a quiz right now at 10 in the evening and i haven't had enough sleep. my parents are also starting to see my immune system decreasing. (like i never had a solid immune system since i was born. omg my legs and back hurt.)

ofc, i won't abandon this account. i'll try my best to answer asks, and update love me back, the stage is mine, and house of cards next week. i don't have missing requirements so i mostly have free time from monday to wednesday with my online classes. i'll also try to write some short shinwaka one-shots because i miss them.

my chapter reactions every wednesday for tokyo revengers are mostly posted on my tiktok account. (same @)

again, i'm sorry for not updating my fics and for not sharing some ideas for my otps. i'm also planning to release a new shinwaka and whisper of the heart au series while writing house of cards. i dont know if you know, but it'll be a rerelease of emancipate and a new version with shinwaka as the main ship. there will also be a whisper of the heart version, the original version, but i dont know, let's see what future seiji has planned.

i've been feeling too tired lately from the heat and the never-ending projects, tests, requirements, and practice this month of october so i really have the motivation to do what i really really want. (excellent that i'm so tired during my birth month)

idk, i'm also starting to lose motivation to draw and write, maybe because of my schedule and i'm too tired every day to do so. house of cards love me back's new chapter was also completely rushed as well.

anyways, that's all i have to say. for now, i'm just gonna reblog and try to answer asks as much as i can. meyers, i'm sorry for not answering your ask yet with the shinichirou cover. i'll try to answer it maybe tomorrow? i hope.

again, thank you for everything and see you when i see you

-seiji

#hyocherie #inc0rrect1stgenblackdragons #tokyo revengers

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kuiinncedes · 4 years ago

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and you knew what it was

author’s note: i don’t know what the fuck this is i was bored at the beginning of my break lol and i wrote some stuff based on a prompt list and a random number generator that gave me “here, drink this. you’ll feel better” and it kinda like ,, grew ,, into a lot

i’ve been sitting on this first part pretty much completed for a while and i think i want to just post it and i have two other “parts” that are sorta connected and idk yeah lmao they’re in progress rn and hopefully i can finish them soon if i post this one i just feel kinda stuck rn :P anyway idk lol i like this part tho hopefully i don’t change anything massively in the other two that would have to change something here XD

basically 1539 words of shadowhunter!quinntina hurt/comfort (or an attempt at it) maybe like sort of warning for mention of death and injury tbh am i trying too hard to be a ya fantasy writer lmao

title from “you are in love” by taylor swift <3

as always lmk if anyone wants any shadowhunter things to be explained lol :P

***

“Here, drink this,” Tina says, voice shaky and quiet, unsure. “You’ll feel better.” She helps Quinn sit up a little and slowly drink the whole glass of… something.

Quinn wrinkles her nose at the aftertaste coating her tongue and throat. “What was that?” Her shoulders are propped up against her pillow, and she awkwardly tries to situate herself somewhat upright.

Tina shrugs, setting the cup aside. “Something Mike whipped up. Said it should help your strength and energy a little?” She crosses her arms, lightly gripping the fabric of her shirt at her sides—hugging herself.

“Mike needs to add some sugar or something,” Quinn tries in a joking tone. Tina smiles slightly but won’t really make eye contact with her.

The room falls silent and Quinn watches Tina, recognizes the expression on her face, her defeated posture, her smaller, quiet demeanor. Her outfit—a lot darker than what she’s often in these days, when she’s not in black gear.

And Quinn remembers a few months ago, when Mercedes had her own complicated encounter with demon poison. She remembers how Tina cares, how she loves, how beautifully, how much.

“Hey,” she says softly, and Tina finally looks up to meet her eyes. “Mike and the Silent Brothers said I stand a good chance for full recovery, right? So no tears,” Quinn urges gently.

Tina huffs a light laugh and wipes under her eyes. “No promises,” she says hoarsely. Quinn wiggles her fingers and Tina releases the hand clutching tightly at her side and obligingly takes Quinn’s, who squeezes reassuringly.

Tina keeps sniffling though, and it seems to be getting louder. She covers her mouth with her free hand when Quinn looks over and says quickly, “I’m sorry, I know, sorry, it’s Kurt’s turn to see you anyway, I should go—” and starts to untangle their fingers but Quinn holds fast, squeezing again and she looks into Tina’s tear-filled eyes.

“Come here,” Quinn says quietly.

“What?”

“Help me lay down, then get in bed with me.”

Tina pauses. “Are you—I don’t know if—”

Quinn smirks a little, starting to push herself back into a horizontal position. “I’m the one who’s injured, and I’m cold and I need my girlfriend close to steal her warmth, okay?”

Tina swallows and nods a little, replies barely above a whisper, “Okay.”

Once Quinn is lying down comfortably, Tina climbs under the blanket, facing her. Quinn tucks a strand of black hair behind her ear, wiping some of Tina’s still-coming tears as she retracts her hand.

Tina holds her wrist, lightly, almost only with the tips of her fingers, and presses a soft kiss to her palm. She lets out a slight chuckle. “Shouldn’t I be the one taking care of you?”

Her tone is lighthearted but bitter and Quinn brushes her fingers through Tina’s hair. Her eyelids flutter, half closed, and she releases a small, comforted breath.

“You’ve definitely already done a fair amount of taking care of me. And I’m fine,” Quinn assures, and she really is fine, aside from the fact that she just missed a few days being knocked out from the worst kind of demon poison and she’s still feeling the effects of that, probably will be for a while, but that’s getting out of her system now, and with its complete departure her strength (and ability to move without pain) should also return, if Silent Brother healing magic and knowledge is to be trusted. “On the other hand, you look like you haven’t slept in days.” And knowing Tina, it’s all too possible that she hasn’t.

Tina shrugs a little. “Maybe.”

“Do I need to call Kurt in here to tell me?”

“Fine,” Tina grumbles halfheartedly. “I haven’t.”

But do you blame me? is her unasked—and unanswered—question.

(Quinn doesn’t.)

Quinn tilts her chin forward a little to kiss Tina’s nose gently. “Go to sleep,” she says.

“Here? I shouldn’t—Kurt wants to see you,” Tina starts and Quinn shushes her again.

“Yes, here. Kurt will live without it, he knows I’m okay.” And Quinn knows Kurt is okay, and presumably will understand Tina staying for longer if he’s been around her the past few days.

She just hopes—knows, really—that Kurt has helped Tina, that they help each other. They’ve always been close on account of being the two who could always be found awake in the latest hours of night, talking to each other and recently, working on designs and drawings together.

But it’s still different right now, for these past few days, and Quinn thinks that if either of them slept at all, it wasn’t much. Especially Tina. Kurt had the parabatai bond’s assurance while Quinn’s been out. Tina had Kurt’s assurance, but it still couldn’t have been as good as knowing it herself. And at night, Kurt had the bond as an extra layer of assurance when he went to sleep, but Tina didn’t, and Quinn knows how Tina’s worry keeps her up sometimes, and how she sometimes chooses energy runes instead when she knows something is weighing on her mind too much for her to sleep.

“You need sleep, love,” Quinn whispers, and she feels the resistance fade from Tina’s body. She pulls her closer, tucking Tina’s head under her chin.

“I missed you,” Tina says with a small gasp, voice cracking a little in desperation. “I’m so sorry.” Quinn can feel her tears on her collarbone and she hates it—hates that she’s the reason Tina’s crying and she can’t do anything about it because she was unconscious and on the verge of death for three days and then the Silent Brothers kept people away for a few more and Tina didn’t know how she was for a week, and Quinn really just woke up again and she’s mostly fine and she feels fine but Tina hasn’t slept for days and Quinn understands.

“It’s not your fault. And I won’t ever leave you,” Quinn promises.

“You can’t say that for sure.”

“Shh,” Quinn breathes, thinking about both statements. Tina’s right, she can’t say it for sure, and she knows that. With their life and what they do every day, it’s the most unsure thing in the world. Even just a week ago, she could’ve died if the demon’s stinger had gone in a little higher, she could’ve died if there were any more of them left, she could’ve died if Tina wasn’t there. Tina could’ve died if Quinn wasn’t there. (Would have, a voice in the back of her head creeps in, less than a breath, and she suppresses the shiver that it brings.)

But if Quinn has any control over it at all, it will be true. She tells Tina as much. “I won’t leave you,” she says again, quietly but as vehemently as she can, and Tina relaxes a tiny bit in her arms.

And then for the other thing. “And there’s no way it’s your fault, okay?”

“If I wasn’t so fucking careless, you would be fine—”

“You didn’t push me into a demon’s stinger, did you?” Quinn continues to run her fingers through Tina’s hair. “You didn’t take its poison and inject it into my body. And you were killing the other ones. We could both be dead if you weren’t, okay?” Her tone is more blunt than probably necessary and she brushes Tina’s temple slightly in apology.

Tina burrows her face deeper and Quinn knows she’s winning, if only because Tina’s tired. But she needs her to know…. “It would never be your fault,” Quinn whispers. “Ever. Tell me you know that.”

After a second, Tina nods. “Yeah,” she says in a small voice. “Okay.”

Quinn can tell Tina isn’t completely convinced, but it’s a conversation for another time, another day when Tina isn’t running on a ridiculously small amount of sleep and probably an unhealthy number of energy runes, and only just coming down from the emotional rollercoaster of the past week.

Quinn presses a kiss to the top of Tina’s head. “Go to sleep, love,” she says again.

“Wake me up if I hurt you,” Tina breathes, on the cusp of sleep.

Quinn smiles, runs her hand up and down Tina’s arm. “You won’t,” she promises, voice hushed.

It’s a testament to just how exhausted Tina must be that her breathing evens out within a few seconds, and her body is still and loose from exhaustion, mind finally quieted, for now, close to Quinn and reassured, and Quinn continues to rub her girlfriend’s arm gently and thinks.

She thinks about the word she just used—twice, and for the first time. Not the first time in her head, but the first time out loud. But unlike countless other times when she’s questioned her decisions and even after so many that have hurt her, so many choices that have led her astray—led her heart astray… she knows it’s right this time. Now, here, in her room, in the Institute that changed her life for the better, her family within the building’s glamoured walls, next to the one person she would always want to be next to, she doesn’t need to question it. And she closes her eyes and follows Tina into a hopefully peaceful sleep.

#no one: me: writing the same shit in the shadowhunter au #lsdkhglksfj like this is just the same as my klaine one but a little different with elements from another quinntina one and just lk;j;kgjsal #original ideas we don't know her #hhhhh idk how i feel about the end but oh well #it;s so random :') fuck lmao stop complaining about ur own writing that ur posting XD #lmao me writing over my break: RUN ON SENTENCES GALORE #this and my jatp fic that i posted a little bit ago lol anyway #ummmm is that it (no it's not but i can't think of anything else i wanted to say lol)#quinntina #glee #glee fic #my ficsssss #how do i tag this shit #it's been a while lmao #me: feeling like shit bc i feel like everyone hates me bc i can't just text my friends without feeling like i'm being annoying #me: POST A FIC FOR VALIDATION #also me: posts shadowhunter quinntina shit catering to an audience of: me #anyway #yk what lemme ramble for a sec bc i don't want to make a post about it #i want to ask my friends if they wanna plan something but like it's always been me texting them about stuff lately #which is DUMB that i feel weird about that but that's always the thing like #i always feel like i'm absolutely no one's like 'favorite' person and like everyone has people they'd go to before me :DDDDDDD #which isn't like just me but still i just this combined with idk today just my brain being dumb and being really self deprecating and dumb #i feel like i'm not actually close to anyone and i don't think i ammmmm #anyway no one asked for this in the tags of a fic post lmaooo

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tundrainafrica · 4 years ago

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Title: A Free Spot

Summary:

"While she was still a commander in the midst of a war, she had to shut out all raw emotion while she watched Levi take down titan after titan, as the airship took her further away from where she had wanted to be. She did too good of a job turning off her emotions then and her last memory of Levi had become a free spot in her mind.”

Slight AU! Levi sacrifices himself in Chapter 132 instead of Hange and Hange deals with the consequences years later.

Written for @levihanweek Angstober 2020. Prompt: Free Spot

Link to cross-postings: AO3

Notes:

A part of me felt like Levi should have gone instead of Hange. That is, if one of them had to go. I'd still rather they both lived and got their happily ever after

I’m in the middle of writing for the greetings and farewell prompt but it's really just not looking to good rn so I'd rather not share it for now. Hopefully, I manage to get the motivation to finish it up. I’m probably gonna write some fluff and domestic Levihan after this. These prompts are just too heavy haha.

Either way, I had so much fun writing for angstober. I hope you enjoy and do tell me what you think!

You know Levi, it feels like my time has come. I want to act as cool as possible so let me go out like this...

It had been two years since the rumbling had stopped for good. Eren was dead. The Eldians and Marleyans had established a peace treaty and the survey corps was declared redundant, replaced with a special defense squad.

Mikasa and Armin willingly took over what was left of building the defense-oriented military. Having seen enough violence and loss to last a lifetime, one soldier slowly and quietly stepped down.

That one soldier helped build what became the new city of Paradis, but still felt the burden of responsibility. Disappearing from society and retiring to some farmland on the outskirts of central Paradis felt wrong although tempting.

That soldier had seen things first hand that most people would never experience, so it was easy to take on a job as a teacher. This was especially since most Eldians did not want a repeat of the last war and who better to teach the future generation than one who had experienced it at the front ranks.

The subjects taught were easy to pick up.

Math. Science. Languages. History.

Most kids would end up mastering the basics anyway and that was more than enough for most jobs. What most people from both sides had failed to master though, was how to empathize and how to critically think. They failed to learn how to talk things through or how to question orders.

How to talk things through. How to question orders.

That was what motivated the soldier-turned-teacher, to supplement lessons with anecdotes from the Survey Corps days. It was like living in one's dreams again. The anecdotes before and after lessons kept the students entertained and it also kept the memory of one important person alive.

Three months into the lesson, one of the students had turned out to be more invested than the others and had raised her hand in the middle of one of their story times.

"Did you marry Levi?"

Maybe the former commander did get carried away.

"The soldier I mean. The one in your stories," the young girl clarified.

“Lena, you shouldn’t have asked that,” another student muttered.

Lena jumped up and bowed her head in embarrassment. "I'm sorry… You always got so excited when you talked about him that I thought…"

Hange only realized then that for a second she had not moved from her spot. She put a hand to her face to see that it was wet. She hastily looked back at the blackboard and wiped her face with the collar of her sweater.

"What would make you think we married?" She managed to ask as she looked back at the young student. Most of the kids in the room were roughly twelve to thirteen years old. At that point, she was still figuring out what could be mentioned and what couldn't to a bunch of preteens.

Lena blushed. "My big sister talked about her boyfriend like that and now they're married."

"Well that story could wait another time. It looks like classes are done for the day." The teacher quickly gathered up her learning materials into one messy pile on the table, thanking whatever god existed for the timing of that question at least.

Some students protested but the teacher did not budge. The latter looked back again at the blackboard as she listened to the students pack up their things and file out of the classrooms.

As soon as the last student left, Hange quickly closed the door behind her, slid on the floor and buried her face on her hands.

Why are you crying? It's been fucking years.

She slammed the floor with her fists, letting the pain that shook through her wrists, act as punishment for that random bout of emotion.

How many stories has she told them?

They had started off as stories detailing the lives of the survey corps members who had given their lives to fight a war fueled by the hate of two nations. Somehow, the stories had shifted to her own relationships. She had talked about Moblit and Erwin, the values they had upheld for the greater good of humanity.

How had she described him for the students to think they married?

Before she knew it, she had started to talk about the strongest soldier with ironically, the most unwavering regard for human life.The one soldier who was probably capable of taking down fifty soldiers without so much as a scratch was the same soldier who would ask her privately after meetings, if she could think of a better plan which would cost less lives than the one they had thought up just a while ago. He was a soldier who would always voted on alternatives that could preserve more lives.

At that point, Hange could not even recall what words she used or what tone she kept. She started to treat those story times she promised the students after every lesson as a reprieve, a way to just imagine once again the past that she had missed, and the memory that made her relax the most was that of Levi.

It had been three months since she started teaching. She guessed that she had probably started bringing him up after the first month. It had occurred to her until that moment that she had never really implied his actual fate.

Did she talk about him in present tense?

Did she say something to make them think that he had survived?

You know Levi, it feels like my time has come. I want to act as cool as possible so let me go out like this…

Her chest constricted as she remembered how she felt saying those words. At that moment she thought she was going to die.

How to question orders. How to talk things through.

Levi had never questioned her orders or tried to talk things through in public, in fear of undermining her position. At that moment, right in front of everyone, Levi had said, "No. You're the commander. They need you out in the field. I'm not letting you die."

He had made a good point as he prepared his gear. Although he was humanity's strongest soldier at that time, he had become a little more than deadweight due to recent injuries. Either way, everyone had enough fate in his skills then, to know that even with those injuries, he'd still have enough power to take down a few titans and buy them some time to launch the ship.

While she was still a commander in the midst of a war, she had to shut out all raw emotion while she watched Levi take down titan after titan, as the airship took her further away from where she had wanted to be. She did too good of a job turning off her emotions then and her last memory of Levi had become a free spot in her mind.

Levi is alive. Levi exists in all nighters back in the office. He exists in the late nights in the forest, injured and half asleep.

As she allowed herself to relive that moment of two years ago, the only moment Levi blatantly disobeyed orders, the dam of emotions she had kept closed somewhere inside her started to flow free. She poked a few holes into it, allowing herself a few tears as she carried herself home.

It felt like it took ages but Hange finally found herself inside her empty apartment. She locked the door behind her and slid down once again on the cold wooden floor. She neglected to turn on the lights. The darkness that slowly swallowed the room as the sun started to set, only reminded her that she was alone, alone to her own devices and her own thoughts.

Levi existed before but now he is dead.

The free spot in her mind started to disappear, replaced by what should have been the raw emotion at seeing him burn and fall into the deep ocean. The grief came in large waves and Hange drowned in the emotions she had failed to release a year ago.

She called in sick the next morning and the day after and she sat alone on her bed, only standing up to eat or use the bathroom.

By what seemed to be the fourth day, it was as if she were floating. The waves had receded and she was left to survey for any damage.

Did you marry him? Another burning question came up from within her.

Hange rephrased it, given her present circumstances. Would I have married him?

Would marrying him have meant experiencing a continuation to those late night trainings as new soldiers?

Would it have meant a sequel to those late night conversations in the commander's office over tea?

Would it have meant someone welcoming her home every night after a long day’s work?

Would it have meant someone would be sitting beside her at that moment, hugging her, while she was too paralyzed by emotion to even get up?

Hange shook as she tried to imagine how it felt like again to be hugged. She knew she could have easily called someone, Mikasa, maybe Armin for a little company. Levi though was the last one she felt completely comfortable crying to, the last person she had ever shown complete vulnerability to.

And without him, she was alone.

The cruel truth was that that memory of Levi alive had overpowered her memory of his death. That sudden realization came as the memory once again became vivid, at a time where she had no more responsibilities of keeping soldiers alive in the midst of a battle.

Hange kicked her side table and watched as it toppled over, her belongings spilling out from underneath. She smashed her chair on top of the side table then the flower vase on the dresser.

The crown and the military had given her enough compensation to replace everything and that small afterthought was what only fueled her motivation to just release the pent up emotions. Everyone she had ever lost died for them anyway.

She went for the dresser to the side of the door and pulled out the drawers one by one, spilling out the contents on the floor before smashing them into the pile of remains of the furniture she had broken only a while ago.

She stopped at the third drawer when she saw the familiar green cloak and the wings of freedom insignia. At Levi’s last moments, she was wearing his cloak since she had expected to be the one to go.

As she spread out his cloak on the floor, she smelled traces of the familiar odor of titan’s blood. A year cooped up in the drawer had preserved the original scent. She buried her face on it and started to make out the scent of blood and sweat. At a certain point, she also made out the traces as well of the scent of old wood. The cloak had also started to adjust to the new world with no titans.

She threw the cloak on her still intact bed and sat cross legged on the floor.

Am I the only one who hasn’t moved on? She let out a burst of laughter, and sprawled on the cold wooden floor.

The Titans are gone. The Survey Corps is gone. Everyone is dead. He’s dead.

Free Spot

In total, Hange took a week out of work. She used that extra time to clean up and apologize to her neighbors after that breakdown.

Surprisingly, most of them had been understanding. Hange though did not want to use the excuse of being a shell shocked soldier to be a bother to anyone and had compensated all those who lived closest to her.

When she finally showed up back to the classroom, she was surprised to see all the students on their seats as if they had expected her to be back that day.

Of course, the substitute probably told them.

“You’re surprisingly behaved today.” Hange commented as she emptied her book bag on the table.

It was Lena who came out from behind her desk with a box and placed it on the teacher’s table.

“We heard you got really sick for a while so we got you a present which could maybe help you stay healthy,” she explained, still looking apologetic.

“Thank you.” Hange blushed as she started to untie the bow and opened the box underneath. Hange fought back a wave of nostalgia and the stinging sensation in her eyes as she opened the box to find a tea set, complete with a bag of black tea on the side.

“My dad told me tea is good for the body,” one student volunteered.

Hange put one hand to her mouth, as she felt her lips tremble. A part of her wanted to laugh and a part of her wanted to cry. She had told them enough stories to keep them busy for months but she had never mentioned tea. It was an irrelevant detail in the grand scheme of things, of course she wouldn’t. “He liked black tea. We spent a lot of our free time talking over tea,” she admitted as she traced the rim of the tea cup, holding it the same way she had seen him hold it countless times before.

For a second, Lena looked panicked. “I’m sorry we didn’t mean to… You don’t have to talk about it anymore. ”

“No. It was my fault. I’m sorry.” She stood up and put her hand on the head of the young girl. “It looks like everyone pretty much guessed what happened to that soldier huh?” She smiled, keeping her tone deliberately light.

A lot of the students kept a sullen look and Hange was sure someone had explained it to them or at the least, they had picked it up on their own.

“Well, that’s the reality of war. A lot of the soldiers don’t get to marry and have kids. Just so that everyone here could live in peace.”

That night, Hange emptied the contents of the gift box on her kitchen table.

Levi would have liked the tea set. Hange thought to herself as she allowed the black tea leaves to boil on the kettle. The smell of the black tea wafted through the air and Hange closed her eyes as she allowed herself to be brought back again to those many nights when he was the one who would serve her a cup of warm tea.

Did I add too much water? Did I add too much black leaves? Would he be disappointed?

She poured the contents of the kettle into the cup and watched the tea leaves settle to the bottom of the cup.

She positioned her hands on top of the teacup, attempting to hold the cup just like he used to. The heat right on top of the boiling water, almost scalded her palm and Hange gave up after a few tries.

I never really understood how you did it.

The warm malty taste of black tea in her mouth was nostalgic. Hange only realized then that she had unknowingly abandoned this luxury right after the war. It was as if her subconscious had been protecting her from a breakdown just like the one she just had.

The smell and the taste of black tea had always been about Levi who was long gone by then. As she caressed the intricate linings of the cup though, she also started to think of the efforts of the students who had thought up the present and saved up for it.

She looked back at the memories leading up to his sacrifice at the hands of the colossal titans. The pain was still there but it was far from excruciating. It was bittersweet. Somehow, she did not need to delude herself anymore. She just had to let that bundle of emotions and memories within her untangle themselves.

Levi was gone. To Hange though, he was still alive.

He was alive in the black tea she had allowed herself to enjoy once again.

He was alive in the anecdotes she had told her class in between lessons.

He was alive in every single person who was alive because of his sacrifice.

It’s the living who give meaning to the soldiers’ deaths. It's the living who keep the dead alive.

#levihan #levi ackerman #hange zoe #levihanangstober #fanfic #levi x hanji #levi x hange #attack on titan fic

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