#no one is making him batshit deranged enough

[atthebell]

every time i feel like i write qcellbit too goofy i remember that no one else writes him goofy enough amen

[yellowflowrs]

Hello! If I may ask, where did you get the idea of Carillonneur title for Sheep God in your Swap AU, if you haven't answer that yet? What inspired the design? What was the relationship between Carillonneur and the other Bishops? Friends, family, or sealed enemy? What's the Carillonneur's real name? Did Narinder ever found out, like in the game? What's the Carillonneur like in the cult after being defeated? What inspired Carillonneur to create the resurrection ritual in your AU? What skillset attacks and eldritch form did you give them?

Have a lovely day come to you, drink water and eat vegetables regularly! Love your AU and designs of it.

Hihihi!!!! ♪(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♪ The first bit of the question has already been answered so I’ll just relay what I said!! ;

I got the idea for the name, and design, from the term ‘For whom the bell tolls/the bells of death’, and I forgot to mention in the last ask that the term ‘pull wool over your (?) eyes’ was also an inspiration.

The ‘Bishops’ in The Swap AU haven’t been really expanded on yet, but the general idea is that the stand ins for the Bishops are called The Shepherds, The relationship they all had were more so like co-workers, not really friends nor family, and each of them had their own personal opinions about the others. But overall they did have a generally positive ‘workspace’ if you could call it that, up until The Carillonneur was sealed away (kinda like getting fired lmao) so the workspace is a bit more toxic now.

(How the Carillonneur feels specifically about them; Before they were chained The Carillonneur was fond of generally all of them, after getting chained they want to skin them all then pour salt onto the exposed flesh)

Though, if your talking about the OG bishops (that are now mortals), The Carillonneur views them as simple nuisances and distractions for Narinder

The Carillonneur’s real name is Hades (named after the god), Narinder only finds out when they reveal it during the final battle. No one can actually say the Carillonneur’s real name, as saying it will burn your tongue. It’s a spell that the Shepherds cast to make sure no one speaks of them.

After getting slingshotted into the cult, to say they were absolutely batshit feral would be a disgusting understatement since an already deranged, unhinged and insane god being put into a mortal form is NOT a great mix. To put it lightly they killed (and ate) a few people.

They had to be put in a straitjacket and muzzle with shackles around their hooves in a special cell for them for a good (and I do mean good) while. No one is allowed to be in their cell except Narinder. Narinder visits them frequently to give them food which they usually attempt to kick at him, readjust all their restraints, or just talk to them. He taunts them every so often and finds glee in watching them in such a state in a really strange way. yeah their relationship is really , really weird. I’ll get into it eventually maybe

Overtime, they loose the shackles around their hooves first, then the straitjacket, and then the muzzle, and Eventually after a couple of years The Carillonneur actually chills out enough to be properly released and gets a cool makeover. By chill out I mean they now don’t ACTIVELY try to disembowel everyone they see… but hey progress is progress and now Narinder has a 6’6 something ex god of death running around. On good days they participate in sermons and rituals and they get the job of… wait for it…… playing the carillon for the church……. 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥A💥💥AAAAA💥💥💥AAHH💥💥💥HH💥💥💥💥💥

They actually retain a bit of power and in the cult their status as the former god of death is known and they’re highly respected and simultaneously extremely feared, just as they like it. When dissenters or spies arise Narinder sends them to the Carillonneur as either something to rip apart or bones to grind their teeth on.

As for the resurrection ritual, I’m deciding if them creating it was actually as much as a big deal as it was with OG Narinder creating it, as The Shepherds may have different concepts than the Bishops do, so I don’t have a clear answer at the momentt,.,.. though if I do go down the route of resurrection ritual being as crucial as it was, The Carillonneur’s reasoning for it may be that they wanted to see if they could truly see where the boundaries were for them as the god of death, if they could find any loopholes in their power, and if maybe the bells of death could be rearranged to possibly toll the bells of life instead? Although , im not sure! :P

Ive posted their eldritch form, and if im understanding the term ‘skillset’ correctly then I haven’t quite decided yet as I only created their eldritch form recently. I guess they would have similar attacks to OG Narinder, only on steroids with tweaks here and there to their abilities. The general idea I have is that they’re very violent

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK!!!! So so so so sorry for the very big info dump here and I apologise for any mistakes …. Geehahrhrhy

[jaynovz]

Is it time for me to foam at the mouth about one of Silver's most batshit insane decisions in the entire show?

(So the ramble underneath this is literally 2k, so like, make good choices I guess. also pls imagine me as Pepe Silvia meme the entire time)

So I see people talking a lot about how Silver is fucking deranged bonkers banana cakes he has 10,000 snakes in his head instead of a brain and of course I agree this is just Canon.

However, the moments that we focus on are like 3.3, doldrums talking to Billy about Flint controlling reality when he's starving and dehydrated or like what he says in response in 3.10 when Flint tells him his story, about Thomas.

Both of those are very very good moments for Silver being fucking crazy and saying things out loud with his human mouth that no regular unfucked human being would come up with, he set new RECORDS for it, agreed.

TODAY I want to talk about a different moment, what I think is the most egregious example of Derangement. It's in the Silver-Flint gold conversation in 2.7.

Quick context-- Before Silver meets back up with Flint in 2.7 he was sent after a VERYYYY dissatisfying conversation (aka "the gold is still a priority" where Silver challenges Flint on the Vane and the fort and Abigail Ashe plan and Flint lies to his face) to go influence the men to vote for Flint's side of things over Hornigold's. After dealing with the Logan situation in the middle of that (which I don't actually think Flint ever finds out about Silver helping to cover that shit up, but that's not the point right now) he shows back up right in the middle of Hornigold addressing the pirate council and accusing Flint of a bunch of crimes (most of which are accurate lol) and Flint is Angy about "where the fuck has you [Silver] been?" and Silver tells him (loud enough for the entire council to hear mmhmm) that the gold is gone.

Now the order of the scenes, the timeline, means The Reveal about the gold is with Max later, (right, that later is the point it becomes real for us because we're finding out the same as Max's that Silver has made the gold disappear) and so it's hard to keep in mind until a second watch how the entire time there in the tent and Silver is putting on this performance, such a good show about it the whole time and then he goes and talks and gives the speech to the whole fucking combined crew and that entire time we don't know yet.

But Silver knows. He has already engineered a situation where he has convinced to the scouts that they're going to sell the location of the gold to another crew!! He has already removed the Urca gold from right under Flint's nose!! (Which is like the thing that Flint has been working towards for an unknown amount of years since he found out about it right? This thing, this sort of mythical amount of money, which is going to solve problems and effect change and build a future and fulfill Thomas ideals.)

And while he's talking he has already waved his hand and made it disappear in the narrative and he did it so skillfully that we don't even suspect that this is happening until the reveal and so sometimes it's hard to go back and think about the 2.7 tent conversation.

Potentially it doesn't quite HIT on the first watch. Maybe not even the second.

But yeah what I want to draw attention to is that... this ENTIRE TIME, from the moment Silver shows back up, he is putting on the performance of his fucking life. He's ALREADY met the scouts Vincent and Nicholas on the jetty, he's ALREADY convinced them ON THE FLY ON A WHIM to lie to Captain Flint. He's ALREADY coached them through exactly what to say to sell it, to lie to Captain James Flint's fucking face. right??? and THEN only after that does he goes to meet Flint.

And the very specific thing I am focusing on isn't even THAT gamble, which is fucking SCARY CRAZY ALREADY. But the WAY this boy pulls the bluff out, the lengths he goes to during the next convo in the tent about "there is no we. the gold was the inducement" and all that. You know the scene.

I wanna underline how Silver decides midstream, midargument to... FLIP IT AROUND and accuse Flint of making the gold disappear.... when Silver literally just made the gold disappear.

Silver: I believe I've been clear about the nature of my investment here. The gold was the inducement. Now no gold… Flint: It's an unfortunate development that we have to adapt, and quickly. Silver: Adapt? I've had about my fill of adapting lately. Doing your bidding, keeping the crew in line for you. Flint: I wasn't the only one to benefit from that. Silver: It certainly seemed that way. Even now you're the only one benefitting from it. Flint: What are you saying, that I'm benefitting from the gold having disappeared? Silver: It certainly solved a number of problems for you, didn't it? I have half a mind to wonder if you didn't orchestrate this whole thing to your advantage.

So yeah I'm uh, I'm literally foaming im frothing im cappucino right now. I want to put this UNDER THE MICROSCOPE AND STUDY HIM. what in the FUCK. Silver knows the entire time, this ENTIRE EXCHANGE, that not only is the gold still on the beach but that he is gonna fucking SELL THE LOCATION to Max and Rackham. And then sits there cool as a fucking cucumber with his mask of irritability...(because of course if he had nothing to do with it!!) Like of course he would be mad that the gold is gone, because the gold was the inducement RIGHT.

All of the rest of that is a foundation for like the craziest part isn't necessarily that he's putting on the act That's in keeping with him, we've seen that, we saw that he was getting more and more frustrated and that part doesn't surprise us that like he would... I mean we saw him steal the page and we saw him burn the page and we have seen him make these types of kind of batshit decisions so we're like "okay this this checks out."

But the truly deranged part where it goes beyond like it just like they're like literally... he. he. HE ACCUSES FLINT OF THE THING HE JUST DID. There was no reason for you to say that and at this point it's like he is SEEING how CLOSE he can get to the fire, he is seeing how much RISK can be pulled off. He's getting off on poking and sleeping dragon in the eye when he knows very well the entire time that he stole the fucking dragon's gold.

"I have half a mind to wonder if you didn't orchestrate this whole thing to your advantage."

I--

it's... it's some reverse psychology bluffing gamble, it's "let me say what has happened, let me literally ADMIT WHAT I JUST DID but no YOU did it, I projected it onto YOU. hope that you don't think about that too hard. let me hope that this works out"

There was... THERE WAS JUST NO REASON FOR IT. He was already pulling it off, the conversation was. "There is no we" and "I was clear about the nature of my investment" THAT'S ENOUGH. STOP.

there's just no reason for him to have done that but it's because he's fucking crazy he's a crazy person

The way his brain works just does not follow lines of logic like a sane human being!!

FURTHER POINT--

this is how we also get to the point where he convinces himself to go to Charles Town (because we see him go to Charlestown!! we see him on the ship the next time!! in 2.8!!)

and he says to the scouts that, yknow, paraphrasing "we came on this endeavor in order to allay suspicion about the fact that we have all double crossed this crew that we are sailing with right now including Flint"

now the thing about that is that and I think I've mentioned this before, but I don't know if I've said it in a formal post that so many people had defected/deserted because the gold was gone and they had no appetite for storming the fort after that. And then Silver went and convinced to the rest of the crew remaining to go to Charlestown to seek the pardons right and that's what Flint wanted him to do. So if Silver then defected because the gold was indeed the inducement and there was no gold then I don't think Flint would have fucking batted an eye!!!

And neither would anyone else!! because even though Silver is very useful to Flint as a tool right now, Flint was very mission-focused, very Miranda-focused very pardons-focused, very "let's fulfill Thomas's dream"-focused. So even though he does and has needed Silver a lot recently to influence the crew, I don't think he was really thinking about him basically for two-three episodes after that basically. Cuz they don't talk again, right, and they are just not in each other's orbit for 2.8, 2.9, 2.10.

So what that tells me is that Silver goes to Charlestown and he just... really didn't have to he could have stayed in Nassau and assisted Max or just laid low until the gold got retrieved and then potentially taking his share and left before Flint crew got back!!

I've talked about this specific part before where Silver says that their safety is contingent upon whether Flint is successful in his endeavor or not. Like he says that out loud to Vincent (which is the most bat ship banana cakes bonkers thing ever) about it because he's basically hitched his horse to the outcome of this pardon situation when he absolutely didn't have to do that to get the goal he and the scouts could have all just deserted and no one would have been the wiser because so many crew had, including Dufresne, because of the gold situation!!

Now there's some arguments here about well.... one of our main characters cannot just leave.

But because the writers have created a party member who wants to leave the party what they then keep having to do is invent more and more convoluted mental gymnastics to himself to continue staying and following Flint which is why at the end of the day I sort of can't really see a situation where the Silverflint thing is not like the main thing because they're both obsessed with each other in different ways (and Silver is obsessed first because he doesn't fucking leave and there's a bunch of reasons he should and there's a bunch of chances for him to do so) and so it all starts to look real fucking gay

But yes uh circling back... Silver lies to Flint's fucking face about the gold, going so far as to ACCUSE HIM of making it disappear, then goes on an extremely dangerous errand trapped on a ship full of people who he double crossed with two scouts with loose lips... when, in order to guarantee his future, if we're looking at actual real logic and actual real pragmatism and survival instincts and not just "oh I have to follow Flint because ummmm -dial up sounds-",

Then he should have stayed in Nassau.

[myfaveisfuckable]

Janeway:

- will literally martyr herself at the drop of a hat

- will kill you if she thinks it's what she needs to do for her crew

- will not kill you if she thinks you've got residue humanity after decades as a borg drone even though realistically she really should've (tho ofc we're all glad she didn't)

- will violate your personal rights if she thinks you're not "human" enough and also compare you to a replicator (yes I'm still salty about that. wait what was the question? right, i'll get back on track)

- will say absolutely deranged shit like "then be a good rat and find us the cheese" in the a tone that makes me lose my mind and basically give everyone a crush on her (and also mommy issues) if they spend too long in her vicinity, leading to a very loyal crew

- her solution to having a crush on a fictional character was to delete his wife (very relatable but also very not normal)

- she wanted to watch hot Q on Q sex (possibly for scientific reasons) and looked very disappointed when it was severely underwhelming

- WHO brings a bathtub on a spaceship???

- there's more but y'know

Dokja:

1. Introduced as a bland everyman only made exceptional by circumstance, slowly revealed to be the most batshit, suicidally depressed, bisexual maniac in existence. Uses self-sacrifice like a tool and is completely unaware of how beloved he is by the people he keeps pulling into his fold because he is so deeply and utterly convinced that he is fundamentally unlovable. He's like sixty foundational traumas stacked in a trench coat and he's always sixty steps ahead of everyone else and he loves the people he chooses so so dearly and people keep calling him ugly even though he's canonically pretty average and holy shit dude get some therapy please

2. do NOT let the pretty official art fool u. this is the most average 28 year old salaryman going through the absolute most in the apocalypse. ORV is a story about the most average man on earth with the most mundane, depressing life. and one story that he read to cope with it all. he's just some guy, but he is also the most beloved specialest guy. not because he had some hidden talent. just because he loved a story ferociously and also he likes getting in trouble on purpose. he is the most unreliable narrator you will ever find. every piece of the universe loves him for his average stupid self. you will understand when you read 👍

3. GHBJNKML i am praying someone has sent him in but. unreliable narrator the most ever and also i just. love him so much. orv in itself is such a goo dnovel but like. kim dokja is the definition of love and the most caring person but also he's suffered so much and while. yknow we're introduced to him as a kind of nerd but like. listen he's so fucked up juts LISTEN

4.He looks like a neet-pulled office worker. Spoilers:

turns out to be one of the oldest things in the world and the only being keeping it going and alive. He needs to be there to keep the world going. Also, he got like kind of adopted by Persephone and hades. Like his blorbo is real and in love with him. But this man looks so average that people call him ugly to his face just because he’s surrounded by absolute gorgeous people.

[ziorite]

buckle up lads— i’ve played cello since before kindergarten and even if i’m no virtuoso, i’m about to unleash my thoughts on the scheherazade job upon the world anyways.

look, if hardison was good enough to play the scheherzade solo at fourteen there’s just no way he sounds that shit even if he hasn’t touched the instrument for ten years. he’s supposed to have been the most promising violinist in the city which has to be stiff competition because most classically trained string players start playing young. like three to five years old young. and we know hardison was a foster kid so he almost certainly started later than most. obviously he was talented, but now he can’t even play a scale? it just doesn’t make sense to me from what i know. i’ve gone a month without touching my cello and pretty much hopped straight back into the stuff i was practicing before after fifteen minutes of warm up. the knowledge of how to hold a bow and pull it across the string and make quality sound is the kind that doesn’t leave you— for anyone of teenage hardison’s supposed skill, that instinct is part of you for LIFE. so no, the persistent portrayal of present day hardison as completely incompetent just doesn’t sit right with me.

but that doesn’t mean i think he could pull off scheherazade’s solo without nate’s rather convenient hypnosis. so i googled around and here’s the sheet music:

to be honest i thought it would be absolute batshit crazy the way they treated it in the show. the shifts are kind of crazy but i can see a very dedicated fourteen year old who practiced the shit out of this solo being able to play it. not to say it’s not still hard! there are some SERIOUS high notes that you’d be hard pressed to hit perfectly every time even with weeks of practice under your belt. shit makes me sweat and i don’t even play that instrument.

it’s a damn impressive solo for a teenager to be playing and an absolutely deranged one to try and perform on such little notice. that’s why i need someone to rewrite the scheherazade job with more focus on hardison and his violin dammit! i feel like hardison would be able to bluff his way through the other parts of the piece with enough practice in the time he has before the job, but there’s just no way he’d be able to play that solo on his own after ten years of not touching the violin. he might not even be able to practice during all the time he has— his calluses would be gone!! that’s a whole other story!!

string instruments strings are vicious y’all. and a VAST majority of the scheherazade solo is on the teeny tiny e string that basically slices through raw fingertips. i can barely make it through five minutes of dedicated practice shifting around on my thinnest string and i’ve had my calluses built up for years; i can file these babies with a nail file and poke a hot pan with them— they get pretty damn thick, and hardison’s working with nuthin y’all. you can only go so far before you give yourself an actual blister you physically cannot play on.

as a result, i feel like hardison would’ve let nate hypnotize him if ONLY the oily little slime ball (with hate and love) had told him. i really don’t understand why nate didn’t say anything until the first place. aren’t they supposed to have learned that you’re not supposed to con your own crew already?? (not that i think nate would ever really take that to heart.)

anyways, that’s my hardison-should-be-better-at-violin propaganda as well as my why-the-scheherazade-job-needs-to-be-rewritten manifesto. maybe i’ll write it myself one of these days— leverage brainrot is real and it is a sickness. hope this 2 am rant didn’t disrupt anyone’s dashes too much!

[ac-liveblogs]

Munchen Bastard vs Manshine City: The Finale

This panel is inexplicably hilarious to me. Isagi reflects so calmly on that batshit match like he and Kaiser were being completely normal and reasonable. That was an average match. Nothing to see or comment on there.

Is it still a technical foul if the one you're assaulting is on your own team? Anyway.

...god, I want to see what Blue Lock TV has to say about that one. You know it's wild when Nagi and Reo go full uh... Nagi and Reo, and they're still not the biggest trainwreck ('most interesting') of a duo on the field.

Ego talking about Nagi's goal as a one-hit wonder is interesting, because I think he's right that Nagi will never be able to replicate it. Nagi could barely keep that same energy going for the match he was already in, let alone another one. Nagi, whose only real faults read as 'just less experienced than everyone else', seems to finally be getting a real flaw he'll have to work on - motivation. Which is interesting, right, given his motivation is supposed to be getting the world cup with Reo - but that's not a big enough driver to keep him really going? Episode Nagi's reframing of events seems mildly contradictory in that way. Guess we'll see how it goes.

Suddenly, Yukimiya. You know a guy is screwed when he starts saying shit like "god never gives you more than you can handle!" He can pretend he's gonna be a player all he wants, I don't think he's coming back in any major capacity.

Oh yeah, speaking of Isagi blasting past people regardless of their sad backstories, Sae is inevitably going to be Isagi's midfielder later, right? Because screw Rin, right? That's awesome, I can't wait.

I don't know much about soccer, but as a 'playmaker' who is very good at strategic passing, would Isagi be better off as a midfielder like Sae? Is that a criminal thing to say. I'm sorry. Isagi's just really bad at actually scoring goals lately. Maybe he should refocus. Since he apparently thinks he doesn't need any special moves to get one over on Kaiser, he might want to build the skillset he definitely already has. (amazed at Isagi's hyper-confident bullshit).

Kaiser just like. Ruined a goal. For his own teammate. Is that legal? Should it be illegal? Obviously this shit can only happen in Blue Lock but is it REALLY something sponsors are gonna like like. 'oh yeah that's a good team player that guy he'll work really well in a team', REALLY?

I guess teams only seem to consist of like max. four relevant people at any one time so what does it matter... the author only sometimes remembers Chigiri and Kunigami are around... particularly insulting for Kunigami all things considered.

Actually, it'd be so cool if Kira reappears after Wild Card as a final joker card boss or something. I'd love that. Please do that. I'll be sad if that doesn't happen now.

Just once, I want to see these jackasses go up against a really competent goalie. I want Kaiser Impact stopped dead. Just once. Please.

For real though, it does make their soccer feel pretty 'incomplete' that other players like that aren't really accounted for. These guys don't feel like they're training to go up against really competent defense or anything. Maybe the author just doesn't think it exists. I don't know.

Backstory: I played soccer for two years in primary school, and the first year I was defense. Our forwards were so competent the ball very rarely came anywhere near us, so I didn't have to be good or anything. It's not like I could do much if it did. So my soccer experience is entirely consistent with Blue Lock, but that doesn't mean I have to like it! Why are these pro athletes on the same level as me at age 10!

Ness is so funny. I want to see his Kaiser stan account's deranged blogging of the entire Blue Lock experience.

I love that Isagi thought so hard he passed out. "Metavision" is so funny.

One, why is Noa's bedroom some sci-fi alien ship. Two, why was Isagi taken THERE when he passed out. Did Ego just like. Not fund an infirmary? Is that where Blue Lock cut costs? I'd buy it.

Noa's just watching his team burn with a completely impassive face. Man he does not give a SHIT, I bet he's loving Kaiser getting assaulted by some random high schooler.

The idea that Ego ever actually played soccer is bonkers to me. Like, it makes perfect sense. But I don't buy it. Seeing that guy in soccer shorts will actually make my brain melt out my ears.

But of course Blue Lock, designed to attract/produce guys that are not even remotely normal about each other, was founded by a guy that is also not normal about another dude. Phenomenal stuff.

Bastard Munchen's sponsors watching Isagi and Kaiser brutalise each other on the field like "yeah we want that all the time actually"

I expected Shidou to rank much higher given his U-20 showing. How is he so much lower than Rin? Does Rin just knock him unconscious before every match?

If I were told I had the same worth as Ness I think I'd kill myself.

LET'S GO BAROUUUUUU

[choctalksalot]

If Jake is based on archetype of Strong Female Character then I think he should get Evil Woman arc. Let him snap and go bananas. Sburb is his stage and he is gonna became a star, and break fourth wall and if needed all the walls. I just really want Jake to go batshit. And then better but first batshit. And fight with crockertier! Jane because I think it would help them both to have a proper scream match and some stabbing or two.

admission: i have let this ask stew in my drafts for months because i had exams, and also because i needed to fully process everything in this singular paragraph because it threw a wrench in my jello sack processor

so, in short:

thank you for this ask anon holy shit i love getting asks about this stuff i am full of words about it !! that being said

I AM QUESTIONING THE CLASSIFICATION OF HIM AS STRONG FEMALE CHARACTER. I AM SO VERY QUESTIONING IT

that statement triggered a fucking. sleeper agent in my brain because i disagree so hard so so hard, oh my god i'm. okay technically it's a half disagree. sliver of agreement in there but it's for a very specific scenario that I need TIME to explain (which i now have so Buckle Up)

if you want my aabsolute shortest shorty short response to this ask it's yes, i think jake deserves to go batshit insane, i would like nothing more than to see him be a petty deranged bitch. king shit honestly!! But Not In That Way Slash Manner. okay now WORDS

so, we have the idolization/I Know What You Are he has with lara croft. we have all his big talk about being an adventurer, we have fisticuffs and guns and sparring with a bot, but, as many posts before this have pointed out in much more depth than i can attempt to surmise, jake is not that. motherfucker is a coward, avoids conflict like the plague and plays up an oblivious front to dodge responsibility (god i still can't read the jane confession scene without screaming look at that fucking LIAR)!! a defining aspect of jake's character is his continuous lack of agency throughout the comic too, which is a rabbit hole i'm not going down for the sake of my sanity and your patience [:

point is, in the words of a shitton of other people: he's a hapless bimbo archetype, or at least attempts to embody it!!!!

he wants to be a strong female character, makes an idol out of an example of them (lara), but in the end the narrative itself bends backwards to call him pathetic. point and laugh at the moron in the piss coloured underpants. something something, yet another case of lost potential

there are specific circumstances under which jake does hit as a strong female character. that's getting old i'm gonna shorten that to sfc now. big thanks to tony crazyexdirkfriend for this perspective because the one angle where i can read jake as an sfc is from an extremely meta perspective, in reference to how he's built up to be someone with a lot of importance/skill/competence, while in reality his agency is pretty much moot. it's an empty label, all his "strength" is superficial and falls away once you look any deeper than the upper epidermis. that's neat as hell!!!! i don't think that's the take you were going for, but it is an angle i enjoy and appreciate <:

that being said, even with this and any accurate read of jake really, him having an evil woman arc will have to take place in a specific set of circumstances methinks,, like mfer is probably actively performing an insanity act for Some Reason, an angry tired jake is more likely to revert to sopping wet bawling retreat anger than anything else. letting him snap and go bananas will only work if you character arc his ass enough to change a fundamental part of him!!! and a crockertier scream match is more in jane's favour for. y'know all the years of being a vent box for him. which i don't think is accessible on a count of, y'know, Literal Mind Control

i am the no.2 supporter on the Let Jake Be Batshit train (only second because i know at least four people who'd tie for first) but i don't think he'd seek out attention from beyond the 4th wall. because he can't handle the pressure of being perceived. no walls have ever needed to be broken for jake english to be a star - he's always been performing!! for the people around him, for the narrative, to be the oblivious himbo that never meant to do any wrong. the core of jake english and what drives him to extremes has always been to be liked, and to be safe. maybe those two things are the same to him. it gets suffocating, y'know? and when something gets too much, jake does what he's always done: he runs.

so yeah, no, i don't think so. do let him be a catty bitch tho!! he deserves that [:

[val-of-the-north]

Top 5 hottest Bloodborne characters and why! (P.S. you must exclude Patches though, or else the top will be rigged and pointless)

FUCK YOU WHY DO YOU MAKE ME CHOOSE!!! (AND OF-FUCKING-CURSE YOU'D EXCLUDE MY BLORBO FUCK OFF)

Alright altright... let me think...

I don't have a particular order for any of these in mind, so bear with me here... the idea of hot in my head isn't really well-defined for these guys. I'll stick to the humans for this (and ones we actually meet and know what they look/ed like ahah), otherwise how is anyone gonna compare to like, Wet Nurse, Kos and Ebrietas? Simply impossible lmao. Also, it's half characters I personally really like and characters that just... ARE hot lol.

Call me simple but Annalise has some ALLURE to her. She looks absolutely beautiful in the portraits we do have of her, but her mask-bound visage inspires mystery and intrigue, as well as her just having that dignified nature to her. Despite everything she ever had having been toppled and destroyed, she keeps her chin up and still commands respect. She is very strong and confident in her blasphemy and you can't help but love to see it.

Call me simple YET AGAIN but Gascoigne is just undeniably hot lol. Like, I am not even his biggest fan but even I think it's an objective fact. He has everything you could ever want. Gigantic dad body, sharp teeth, a sexy voice... and he is probably sweet enough when off work to maintain a pretty stable loving family and a life-long buddy. Technically!!! He is the ONLY human character (that isn't a prostitute I guess) that is confirmed as not being a virgin lmao. Even the setting wanted you to know this man fucks. Like, there's no denying he is THE hot character of the setting when the topic comes up. People don't call him daddy for nothing...

Valtr. I don't even have to elaborate honestly. His looks are appealing, his insanity and violence are appealing, his voice acting is appealing. He is just REALLY freaking appealing with how strong he is and how passionate he is about the things he believes. And, while this may be a thing that only makes him more appealing to me, he also has the potential to be silly, which is hilarious since he is the character who'se goal is "everyone must die". I mean, it's THAT goal itself that makes him silly in the first place ahah. But yeah, solid design, concept, backstory and execution. It does not surprise me multiple people simp for him. Honestly, I am surprised it's not MORE.

Now with the more conventional out of the way, I'll go with Djura. He is a frisky old man, and one who tries to atone for his mistakes and crimes. He is well-meaning and surprisingly honest for someone in Yharnam lol, which makes him stand out in a sea of asshole opportunists and deranged lunatics. You know how people usually gravitate towards batshit crazy weirdo characters in a sea of relatively sane and good characters? I think Djura has the same effect but reversed lol. HE is the novelty in this world. Also, his design is pretty freaking attractive. It's simple, but the charm is there. His voice actor did a very good job as well ahah. I love his line delivery...

... I'll come out and say that I can see the appeal of Logarius VERY well. He is a tall evil man of dubious origin just chilling (literally) on the roof of Cainhurst for all time. He was most likely somewhat Pthumerian which adds to his attractiveness, as it would make him not QUITE a human (but still human enough to make it on this list lol). I also listened to the sounds he makes and I liked what I heard... he has a pretty cool evil laugh. I just like how he was either fully deluded and really believed his quest, or he was just enticing a group of fanatics while knowing full well their quest had ulterior motives. Both work and both are appealing for different reasons. One has to wonder what he looked like before he turned into a Halloween decoration...... welp, I said it. I am cringe but I am free...

Honorable mention to thicc Willem, the sexiest man in Yharnam and the one who ruined it. I like to think he wasn't JUST smart back in the day lol

[blondiest]

Oh and mandatory asking about Mello and Near because I wanna see how many circles there will be lol

WELL THERE SURE ARE A LOT OF CIRCLES 🫣 who could have foreseen this. no one probably.

i already answered Near but here is his board again and a quick off the cuff restatement -- i am putting him in situations but i don't think he deserves that ghsghsdf sorry Near, criminally underrated in fandom, batshit insane takes about him in the fandom, i love him very much,, 🥺 he's everything

this makes me look incredibly deranged which is not inaccurate. i have a very hard time picking a favorite between Mello and Near tbh, so i won't even attempt to, but i think Mello's insane dysfunction compels me enough that i do end up thinking about him slightly more often. same thing as above re: me being a hypocrite and putting him in situations. also i highlighted "writers dropped the ball" for my own selfish reasons, lost potential & not enough canon bc he should've been in the background of the C-kira and A-kira oneshots cutting a sandwich into a heart for Near, and i do rly think he's grossly misunderstood by a good chunk of the fandom (genuinely do not get me started)

ehhehe. thank you for these 🥰❣️

[instantartific]

I've been wanting to write this whole character analysis on Nova, but every time I try, I really can't find a way to put it into words.

So I think this deranged rambling that jumps back and forth between screenshots and written text of what's there I went into with a friend sums it up perfectly.

There's a cut because this gets so unnecessarily long, and there should be a mild warning for vague reference to suicide and general frank talk of his poor mental health.

♡

I'M AT A POINT WHERE I'M TOO EMOTIONAL TO BE ELOQUENT SO I'M JUST LOSING MY MIND IN SHORT BURSTS.

ALL I CAN WORD RIGHT NOW IS THAT THERE IS NO WAY THAT MAN HAS THE MENTAL ELASTICITY AND SUCH WARPED WORLDVIEW OF A CHILD AT HIS AGE IF HE DOESN'T HAVE SOMETHING FUCKED UP WITH HIM.

HE CLINGS ONTO A COMPLETELY IRRATIONAL BELIEF THAT MAKES NO GODDAMN FUCKING SENSE WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT FOR LONG ENOUGH.

HE THREW AWAY A PRETTY GOOD LIFE THAT HE HAD IN ORDER TO PRODUCE MUSIC, ON A FUCKING DROP OF A HAT MIND YOU, JUST BECAUSE HE HAPPENED TO FIND HIS OLD TURNTABLES, AND THEN DECIDED THAT HE WOULD SPEND THE REST OF HIS TIME AND FOCUS INDEFINITELY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE HIS MUSIC IMMORTAL.

EVEN THEN, HIS OWN WANTS AND MOTIVATIONS CONTRADICT THEMSELVES VERY CLEARLY.

HE GOES ON BOASTING ABOUT HOW HE'S BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE, BUT HE'S SO FUCKING IRRATIONAL.

EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM IS COMPLETELY BATSHIT CRAZY WHEN YOU LOOK AT IT.

-

I am sitting like one of his students at a lecture listening intently.

THAT BRINGS UP ANOTHER POINT!!!

EVEN THE WAY THAT HE TREATS OTHER PEOPLE IS BATSHIT INSANE.

THE ONLY PEOPLE HE REALLY SEEMS TO PLACE VALUE IN ARE THOSE THAT HE'S PERSONALLY IMPRESSED BY.

EVERYONE ELSE IS JUST TREATED LIKE SHIT.

HIS WHOLE GOALS AND MOTIVATIONS ARE SURROUNDING THE CONCEPT OF MAKING HIS WONDERFUL MUSIC IMMORTAL, BUT THEN HE TREATS THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE HIS MUSIC TERRIBLY?????

HE NEGLECTS THE CITY HE'S SUPPOSED TO CARE FOR AND DOESN'T GIVE A DAMN IF THE PEOPLE IN HIS DISTRICT, THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE WHAT HE CREATES, ARE HAPPY OR NOT???????????

HE DOESN'T SEEM TO GIVE A FUCK IF HE'S LIKED, JUST THAT HE'S KNOWN, WHICH IS...

FUCKING SAD, HONESTLY!

VERY FUCKING SAD!

ALL OF IT AMOUNTS TO JUST WANTING TO BE KNOWN, AND IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT MEANS HE IS!

BUT IT WOULD JUST BE NICE IF IT WAS FOR A GOOD REASON.

EVEN THE MERE FACT THAT HE SENDS HIS SHIT OUT INTO FUCKING SPACE IS INSANITY.

WHO'S GONNA FUCKING HEAR IT?

WHO?

WHO IS GOING TO LISTEN YOUR MUSIC IN THE VACUUM OF FUCKING SPACE?,????

HOW WILL YOU KNOW THAT YOU WERE HEARD?

YOU WON'T.

AND THAT'S THE FUCKING THING!

HE DOESN'T CARE IF ANYONE LISTENS.

THEY SHOULD, BUT HE COULDN'T GIVE LESS OF A DAMN IF THEY DO.

WHAT HE GIVES A DAMN ABOUT IS IF THEY HEAR IT, THAT'S ALL.

THAT'S THE ONLY THING HE WANTS, FOR THEM TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT IT IS THERE.

ACKNOWLEDGE THAT IT EXISTS.

HE WANTS TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED THAT HE EXISTS FOR ALL OF ETERNITY.

I AM GOING FUCKING INSANE.

-

I CANNOT.

I'VE HIT A POINT IN WHICH I CANNOT FUCKING ELABORATE ANY FURTHER.

JUST.

HIS ENTIRE PURPOSE IS TO MAKE SURE OTHERS KNOW HE EXISTED, FOR ALL OF ETERNITY.

AND ONCE HE'S FINALLY SATISFIED, HE'LL ALLOW HIMSELF TO DIE.

BUT THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!

THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!

THE OLDER HE GETS, THE MORE PARANOID HE'LL GET!

THE MORE GENUINELY TERRIFIED THAT HE HADN'T DONE ENOUGH HE'LL GET!

HE'LL NEVER BE SATISFIED UNTIL HE WORKS HIMSELF TO OBLIVION AND DIES IN THE VERY THING HE STRIVED TO PREVENT HAPPENING.

I AM CLEARLY ELABORATING AFTER I JUST SAID THAT I CAN'T BUT ??????

TL;DR:

[tenjiiku]

i can't defend shidou with that one line i'm afraid 😔 he really had no reason for That. i think saying him and rin are different flavors of crazy sums things up well. the biggest thing for shidou is his freedom so if you understand him i think he can have genuine affection for you but he's like. batshit insane. i don't think a relationship with him could ever be normal. the only other guy i kinda see on the same level of deranged as him is kaiser but it's still not the same, since i feel that kaiser makes the effort to look good in the eyes of society and all that. shidou just doesn't give a shit

Yeah I can’t imagine having a lot of introspective conversation with Shidou. Actually I can’t imagine having a regular conversation with that man. Let alone how talking with him would follow if the two of you have mutual feelings for one another. Funnily enough, I think the day Shidou realizes he has true, honest emotions for One Individual Person and wants them in his life is the day he experiences fear I think. The good thing if you manage to tame him though is his loyalty… he is yours for life.. idk if that’s a good thing maybe it is. Shidou is like a dog… Kaiser I would say is more of a snake.. equally constricting and maybe even a bit more sadistic with his affection. That’s the best way I can verbalize my thoughts on These Two.

[a-tale-never-told]

A Complict Man.

Man... What an odd and bizarre experience that must've been for you. I mean, I always assumed that most of Nanami-San's classmates were a bit eccentric, judging by her descriptions of them. but I had absolutely zero idea as to how insane most of 'em are. Must be hard having to deal with all of that, I assume?

Oh, don't even get me started, dude. Most of the time, It's just usually throughout the entire day, somethin' absolutely batshit happens to occur while I'm at my dorms, working on whatever spiced-up gadgets I can assemble in my free time. It's so freakin' irritating and annoying to put up with!

You and me both. I honestly think I wouldn't be able to handle that overwhelming amount of anxiety and pressure to deal with everything all at once. I'd would've just given up and called it an honest day, if I'm being truthful with you. And I'd thought Class 76th was the more eccentric one of the bunch!

Nope. They're absolutely sane, compared to the rest of us. At least they didn't have people who speak nonstop gibberish or always blabber about some demonic crap! Makes me think that I'm one of the more level-headed, actually normal guys in the academy if I'm being serious.

Hope's Peak isn't a stranger to recruiting some weird, erratic, and downright uncanny people a lot of the time. As long as you're talented and you pay the required amount of money, it doesn't matter what kind of people are attending this school.

Sounds pretty stupid to me, considering that we've had people with incredibly shady talents attending this school before, do I even need to mention Ted Chikatilo, Ultimate PyroTechnician? I get it's his talent, but the guy's a literal arsonist. He's been itching for a chance to literally set the whole academy on fire, and yet he's still attending as a senior in the Main Course.

Guy's a deranged, wacky, psycho, there's no doubt about it. He can't even stare at a smoking plate of takoyaki without having some sort of creepy orgaism about the wonderful joys of flames. Gives me the fuckin' creeps everytime I'd look at him.

Since we're on the topic of discussing about Hope's Peak, there is something that I'm kinda curious about. Mind answering that for me?

Huh? S-Sure, I'd be willing to answer that for you. So, what's the question you wanna ask? Is something wrong? Did anybody hurt you on the way here? Did you suffer an incident on the speedway? Those highways are filled with a lot of traffic these days, y'know?

Nothing like that, but I appreciate the concern. I just had an epiphany since last week, and I was wondering if you can clear up any doubts I'd might have while explaining what I'm gonna say. Is that okay with you?

I don't mind much, bro. Just...Tell me what's on your mind. Surely, it can't be that much of a weird question, right? There's gotta be a reason for why you're wanting to discuss this in private. Otherwise, why would you be just telling me this, all of a sudden?

You've got a sharp mind, Souda. It's actually pretty impressive of how you're able to tell what my intentions are before I even said anything. Guess they don't call you the Ultimate Mechanic for nothing. But I think I should probably explain what I'm here for.

About a couple months ago, there was an incident at the Old School Building on February 12th .The official testimony stated that at 5:03pm, the body of Taro Kurosaki, The Ultimate Actor was found severely bruised at the gymnasium , with blood spilling out from the right side of his forehead, while his throat had laceration marks around his neck, a clear sign that he'd been strangled around the cerebral hypoxia.

Cerebral-what? The hell are you mumbling about?

Let me finish. Cerebral hypoxia is a neurotic condition which is when you body doesn't have enough blood getting to your brain a lot. Strangely, the body didn't possess any kind of damage to the ligature mark , which is a pressure point on the neck, nor were there any external damages done to the cardioid arteries, which would've had a more likely chance of being damaged as a result of the attempt.

However, the hyloid bone, aka the jaw bone, was one of the key functions of the neck which suffered serious injuries. Upon inspecting further, they found knife-like marks sketched near the areas of the lower jaw and the larnyx, aka voice box, where the bone could've suffer more damage had it been aimed right near the upper end of the jaw.

If that knife went a further inch upwards and pierced through the jaw as the killer intended, Taro possibly would've ended up with severe swallowing problems. Hell, he might've been murdered that afternoon if It hadn't been for somebody intervening at the last moment, which both confused and shocked the killer and forced him to alter his plans, leaving Taro barely conscious, but alive.

As for the ugly gash of blood dripping out from his forehead, It appears as if something solid had directly pummel him with a sheer amount of force and brute strength that It indirectly knocked him out , which caused him to suffer a bit of memory loss in regards to the entire incident. Judging from how the equipment located at the gym is prepared, I can assume that the culprit needed something durable yet strong enough in order to knock Taro out, so that explains where he received the gash from.

The main problem with this is that the murder weapon wasn't identified during the investigation, as the culprit made sure to polish any form of gym equipment he would've used to bash Taro's head in before the police arrived. But the investigators forgot one important amount of evidence that they'd left out: The weight of the object that hit Taro was equivalent to that of a medium sized hammer.

But instead of a hammer, it was a dumbbell. Wanna know how I managed to know that it was a dumbbell? Tsumiki-San found It inside one of the storage garages, where they store away all of the gymnasium equipment. She reported It to me once she was finished inspecting the contents of the storage closet and how exactly the dumbbell was used and in what position It was used to cave his skull.

Y-You mean she was working with you to solve the murder this entire time?! And I didn't know?!

She's been working with me to investigate the attempted murder case this entire time. While we were chatting and discussing with each other about space exploration and mechanics, Tsumiki-San was at Hope's Peak looking for any signs of proof about how the murder occurred and In what manner It played out. And the entirety of that info about the autopsy, the methods of strangulation and neck damage? That was all her doing.

But I think you've been expecting me to sum up everything into one final conclusion, In order to wrap this confusing, complicated, mess for good. So I'll tell you: As I was investigating, I thought that it was pretty ridiculous that all of this could've been pulled off by a lone culprit. He had to bring some kind of an accomplice with him in order to organize all of this, because it's clear he couldn't've been clever enough to do all of this in a short amount of time.

Not only would he had to somehow prepare a kidnapping attempt on Taro from the auditorium and drag him all the way to the gymnasium, but he also would've needed to gain access into even unlocking the storage room containing the dumbbells. I thought he was disguising himself as one of the faculty members for a brief moment, but then it dawned on me "How was the killer able to unlock the storage room containing all the equipment?".

I know, right? Somehow, this shouldn't be possible to even happen, considering that storage rooms usually need some kind of key to unlock it, because it's so secured. Well, turns out that I eventually found the key that the culprit , and guess whose name I found on the key, Souda-San!

*After finishing that sentence, Hajime proceeds to take out a small black key within his right jean pocket. Inscribed on the front of the key, depicted with bold text and white, are the initials of Kazuichi Souda, which spell out the words " K. Souda"*

That's... No... It's... Impossible...

Oh really? I'd find that incredibly difficult to believe, Souda-San! No matter how much you wanna deny any involvement with this case, it's becoming rather clear that you were complicit in the attempted murder of Taro Kurosaki! That handwriting is clearly YOURS, Souda! Or aren't you gonna say that it isn't your handwriting?

Stop trying to deny that you weren't involved in the entire investigation, because it's obvious that you're complicit in this case , no matter what angle you wanna view it from. So? Admit the truth, Souda-San! What motivated you to work with Taro's attempted killer and why?

[archived-lehkonen]

,

[yourdeepestfathoms]

random ass au idea i thought of while listening to JT Music raps and am kinda digging rn

✨Fallout AU✨

i use the term “fallout au” loosely. it doesn’t follow any of the games At All because i’ve only played parts of two of them, and they were pretty boring. i just preferred the name “fallout au” over “post-apocalypse au.”

ANYWAY, as stated above, this DOES NOT have anything to do with the Fallout series. the only thing similar is the name and that there are vaults

BASICALLY, Uranium City causes this giant nuclear apocalypse because, well. they were dicking around with uranium. something something, it’s twenty-five years later, and society isn’t the same, but humanity has slowly been recovering. civilizations are built across Canada, a decent amount of those have power and water, and people are doing okay!

i have an idea for a plot and conflict, but it’s not good enough to share right now. instead, have some character stuff!

Ocean was born into Vault 13, a, uh…less than desirable Vault to live in. The community inside is, to put it lightly, batshit insane. Driven mad by prolonged exposure to nuclear fumes that leaked into the Vault, these people have become obsessed with all things radioactive, to the point where they’ve started injecting it into their bodies. When that didn’t give them enough of a kick, the experiments began, and most of them have turned into strange mutant abominations because of it. Ocean is no exception. Her body has been viciously warped by experimentation, turning her into more of a monster than a human. Even still, she yearns for a life outside Vault 13, and when she eventually finds a way out, she doesn’t waste the chance; she flees—unknowingly releasing her community of deranged, cannibalistic mutants in the process.

Mischa is a half human-half Automaton (robot person). He wasn’t born like that, though. Two years prior, he was a fighter for his civilization, protecting the community from nuclear monsters in the fields. He was good at what he did, one of the best guards they had, despite his young age of sixteen. And then he got in way over his head, violently maimed by a pack of radioactive wolves. He would have died that day if not for the technological advancements of the world. His right arm, right foot, left leg, and lower jaw had to be replaced by robotic parts. He has more metal in his body than bone. And even though some days can be uncomfortable, he doesn’t mind the way he is now. In fact, he loves the increased strength he gains from being half Automaton.

Ricky being alive is a bit of a minor miracle. He’s a very sickly boy, and nobody really expected him to make it this long with nuclear radiation still being present, but he’s living his best life with his giant mutant cat colony.

Constance is the daughter the owners of a cafe in the largest civilization in the area. That’s all I got for her right now 😅

Noel works for the Blackwood Cafe. That’s also all I have for him at the moment.

Penny…TBA. I’m so sorry, baby, but I just DON’T have anything for you rn.

[dormarunt]

"after all, Pedro signed up for this" - like, yeah, i doubt it was only for money, he must have many job offers to chose from.. and his interpretation of berlin goes much deeper than funny successful womanizing thief, and best berlermo interpretations come from him. (other possibility: it's funny in a batshit insane way, that's why pedro loves it and in thiscase i'm all for it)

I am HERE for a subtly deranged Berlin, for a completely off-kilter sense of humor that literally no one beside him finds funny. The way he teased the guy he forked about remembering that day forever even though he didn't yet know why. But that wouldn't make us viewers laugh - not in any way that wouldn't be nervous laughter.

I'm pretty sure Pedro signed up for the spinoff while knowing something about the direction they would take, the overall approach and all. Plus, he must know a good part of the viewers had enough of Berlin, so there must be something in the spinoff that made him say "yes" to it. And I see no reason he won't be given enough creative freedom to explore/take the character in certain directions he finds interesting; he did say he loves the character.

[the-acid-pear]

Actually. I'm going to be autistic on main. Because a whole liveblog review and many many posts are not enough. I need to stress just how impactful this scene was on a first blind watch.

Because, like, it's not just the fact they cut a hole on that old man to fuck him thru. It's everything about this movie and its framing that's insane.

Because let's be honest this franchise alone is a fucking ride. First movie is some pretty solid horror slow burn carried by my cancelled wife Dr. Josef Heiter played by Dieter Laser who's just so dramatic and entertaining there'd be no human centipede without him.

And it kinda shows on the sequel that removes the more... What's the word? Modest style of the first movie? And instead it goes for a darker more explicit more grossThey step on a newborn's head. He wrapped barbed wire around his cock. He even had a tragic and explicitly explained backstory. It's gross it's gritty it's mental and it's NOTHING like the first.

So okay, so far we got a serious but self aware movie, a "fuck the haters" edgy movie, and so you walk into the third movie not knowing what to expect. But you're soon greeted by the fact that the man himself is BACK and by god does he carry the movie again. Mostly, Butler Dwight played by Laurence R. Harvey does a great fucking job too I love that shortstacksorry I.

Anyway, needless to say this shit is a ride. Because these movies are constantly changing protagonists and settings to be meta about the prequels not being real somehow idk idc so you're thrown into this movie like you're thrown into a blender. I mentioned Butler but I did not mention Bill Boss the titular Old Man who, well, not quite yet. Because first we gotta be introduced to just how deranged this man is. If you thought the literal fucking former Nazi was insane and evil wait til you meet the average American citizen who just a few minutes into the movie waterboards a man with boiling water in very nasty graphic and maybe questionable veracity though I'd have to confirm I don't know if water causes 3rd degree burns or if just like I've heard actually happens kinda boils you alive and makes your skin fall off anyway why am I going into this tangent? Because this is a 100% medically accurate film anyway Bill Boss? He's batshit insane.

I still get upset when I remember that case btw the guy who got boiled alive ironically happened in a prison too I hate the prison system. Literally makes me sick.

But anyway. I don't even remember the chronological order of events but there's so much shit that happens that gets you not only introduced but entranced and if you're anything like me utterly lustful for this man such as: him panting w his tongue out while getting head in front of his accountant; him castrating a man (graphic) and rubbing his bald head w the man's blood; him eating not only dry clitorises but also the cooked testicles of former man. And also one of the funniest and best done scenes in the film where there's a false alarm and he thinks the prisoners are fucking coming for him so he goes from this ultra violent I'm The Boss Here 👿 large ham fucker to a literal mess hiding in his desk utterly terrified while his accountant is just like Dude.

But so far, the picture is Holy fuck nearly car crash near my house So far the picture is pretty clear! Large ham he talks the big talk he bosses everyone around he thinks he's a big deal but when left to fend off for himself he's but a sad pathetic mess of a man that can't do shit to save his life.

Which does, literally prove to be true. As he find himself alone now suddenly surrounded by all the men he has been torturing for god knows how long and they don't say a word they don't do anything but get closer as he gets increasingly worried and stars saying that they're all free! No paper work! No nothing! They can just go! He's BEGGING them to go because he KNOWS they're gonna fucking kill him if not, even saying that he has a heart condition and diabetes (epic callback to Heiter btw) as he gets on his fucking knees which is an insane thing to do in this setting but, hey.

And when you spell it out like this you'd say Luly What Is Wrong With You That Sounds Horrifying and well it is if I fucking say it like that but when you're watching unstopped this sequence of this guy being batshit insane screaming and torturing people and shit to have the tables turn on him so drastically is, extremely exciting.

And then the guy who lost his balls, remember him? He's the one to step forward. And this is something that has been said by the prisoners since the very start of the movie this was a ticking time bomb but he, and I quote, "not gonna fuck his stinky ass. Instead, [he]'ll fuck him in his soft kidney tissue". And then he fucking stabs him.

And by god does he fuck him in his soft kidney tissue as the crowd excitedly chants and I get so hard I turn grey from lack of blood in any other part of my body. And this is something I always mention but bro, bro by the love of god he says "do you like that, daddy?" as he's pounding his kidney bro. Like for the love of god Tom Six PLEASE. FUCK.

I seriously wonder if I'll ever witness something in cinema that gets me to change my bio. Impossible to know too since part of the joy was that by god I was not expecting our villain protagonist who on his own was a fucking surprise bc the way these movies work getting fucked in the soft kidney tissue. Like my fucking god. I'm sorry I lied about rewatching that movie today I know I should have it's literally so fucking good. Thank you Tom Six.