#no one else particularly cares
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
so can we all agree that Steve would be INSANE about nascar
#so fun fact#it first aired in 1960#that was the first DAYTONA race#n in my heart mr.c mentioned it in like passing#like oh! thats cool! that nascar thing is on tv!#n steve happens to be there n he LOCKS tf IN#beginning of the end#no one else particularly cares#soda tries to but he always gets like well... is there anything else??#after theyve made like the 3rd lap#godbless that boy#he doesnt have the attention to watch them make the same lap 100 times#but steve knows like EVERYTHING about EVERY racer#im talking stats even the drivers dont know#when he was younger he wanted to be a driver SO bad#the outsiders#sodapop curtis#steve randle#hes SAT for EVERY race#one time he was doing something#n darry was like if u dont knock it off im gonna let Pony watch sunday morning cartoons instead of the pre-qualies#n steve was so distressed over that he knocked that shit off IMMEDIATELY#ponyboy curtis
67 notes
·
View notes
Text
#i thiiiink 8.#but i have one coming up in a few days and one next year#i'm also not counting ones that my parents dragged me to that i didn't really want to go to#they took me to a bunch of grateful dead or phish concerts that i don't particularly care about#and also took me to see weird al twice which was fine but like. not something i ever asked for or particularly wanted#ive seen a queen reenactment band‚ marina and the diamonds‚ car seat headrest‚ idkhow‚ MCR‚ death cab for cutie‚ hot mulligan x2#and i'm seeing PTV in a few days and MCR again next year#my friend bought the PTV tickets and i did a payment plan for MCR LOL i cannot afford these#but i promised my bf i would take him to see MCR if they toured again bc i went to the reunion tour with someone else#polls#submitted#queued#concert#concerts#music#shows#hall of fame
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
RIP Will Campos the only person who was murdered this episode.
#I fucking loved this episode but also FUCK- OH UH DON'T READ MY TAGS IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED YET CAUSE UH SPOILERS LOL#dndads#dungeons and daddies#the peachyville horror#dndads spoilers#dndads s3 ep 5#tony collette#ebenezer white#[breathes]#TONYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY#FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK#choosing to believe there's a chance they save him#I REALLY hope they save him#please these tags were gonna be me rambling about how I'm so ready for him to accidentally become an actual spy#and how Ebenezer is just one more person I need him to have homoerotic tension with#BUT NOW WHAT#Anyways poor Will but also not poor Will cause it was REALLY funny how much everyone was screwing with him this episode zkbfeskgzl#stupidly it was the moth bit that got me the most and particularly Matt describing its journey lmao#Somehow- like I knew the Trudy stuff was gonna be dark but somehow it was even darker than I imagined like fuuuuuck#Also sounds like the people who theorized there'd been an og human Trudy were *probably* right?#Heh. But was it a normal death or was she *murdered* dun dun dun#*Very* excited for Kelsey's boxing match#Francis UH OH GOD??#the two scoops line was perfect though#what else what else... No I'm just caught on that ending now god DAMN it I don't care if they pull some cheap shit to save him#oh actually I know exactly what I want out of this but I'll make a separate post about that one sec lol#undescribed
888 notes
·
View notes
Text
One of the things that had my mind spinning for a while is that in the Shadowheart origin, if you reject Shar, Minthara will apologize. She will believe that she and the rest of the companions held Shadowheart back from achieving her destiny. She blames herself for Shadowheart making a choice completely on her own, thinking that Shadowheart's concern for herself and others held her back. Minthara feels it to be her fault that Shadowheart is not as powerful as she could be and she is to blame for Shadowheart walking away from her destiny. Minthara sees herself as having failed for Shadowheart making the choice that she did.
I know it is cut content and cannot really be considered canon, but she does something similar in the breakup. Where she's yelling at Durge and asking why they rejected Bhaal. And Durge can tell her it's cause they love her. When the breakup was slipped in, I was initially so angry because Minthara calls Durge stupid for choosing love over power (when Minthara herself chooses love over power). Especially since the breakup happens like 10 minutes after the alurlssrin confession where she says the two of you have an unbreakable bond. I used to be so confused on why she would be so upset that you actually loved her. Then I realized that she's not upset that you love her. She's upset cause she fears that your love for her held you back.
Even though she sees you as her equal, she keeps putting herself as less than you. Where your wants and desires are more important than her own, and your greatness should be put above any affection you have for her. She wants you to love her of course, but she does not want to be what holds you back from reaching for power. To Minthara, power is safety and she has never felt safe. She wants you to keep elevating yourself cause the stronger you are, the safer you will be and by extension, the safer she will be. So you picking her over power means you are less safe and by consequence, she is less safe. And as much as Minthara loves loves, she needs to be safe first. It's why it seems like she keeps making the same dumb mistakes over and over, getting herself into precarious situations. It isn't because she's necessarily blinded by love, but she feels her proximity to power should keep her safe.
I also had a discussion with someone on Reddit, talking where it almost seems like Minthara keeps putting herself in positions of servitude, despite having some pretty ambitious goals involving world domination. We are talking about someone who has been a servant of Lolth her entire life. She tells us she was raised to be a soldier in Lolth's army and that was all she was meant to be. For 200+ years she was a servant and has never been anything else and doesn't know how to be anything else, and I believe she is too afraid to try to be anything else.
As a paladin, she was responsible for keeping social order, follow the word of whatever Priestess was in charge and enacting Lolth's will, partake in surface raids, and kill any of Lolth's enemies. There was very little room for her to achieve what she wanted, because Lolth had to come first. And even if there were things she wanted for herself, they still ultimately had to please Lolth in the end. Her time in the Absolute is no different. She just swaps the Absolute for Lolth and keeps up with the same shit (although she is too brainwashed to tell). So of course she is stunned when Lolth abandons her and the Absolute attempts to kill her and throws her deep into a crisis of faith. 200+ years of service has always bought her safety, until it didn't. So when you come along, she just swaps you for the Absolute. Telling herself, "I just need to be better than I was for the Absolute, better than I was for Lolth, and I should be okay." And her little rant about the gods, Lolth, Bhaal, the Absolute. Minthara is not anti-god. Minthara is anti-gods who do not reward their followers for their service. Because to her, service should be rewarded with something (other than death). She plays both sides when it comes to Shar because although she does think Shar is a poison in Shadowheart's life and believes Shadowheart is better off without Shar, at least Shar did reward Shadowheart for her service by making her a Dark Justiciar and elevating her to Chosen.
You would think she'd learn, but she doesn't. Not because she's stupid, but because her basic need for safety isn't being met. And so be fair, her "mistakes" with Lolth and the Absolute were relatively recent. So she keeps pushing people down the path of ruin and never going down the path herself directly, thinking that if she helps you become powerful, she will be safe. Where if she stands beside as you walk down this path, you will reward her for her service. Where she does not believe you would betray her because she helped you get that power. Where she thinks her service to you should buy her safety. Because to her, the most important thing she can be to you is useful. And she is terrified of being useless. So she provides you with unbreakable loyalty, devotion, and servitude, (and perhaps love). Where she will help you achieve your ambitions, whether it be to become a Dark Justiciar, the Vampire Ascended, the Slayer, or a god. Her path to safety, and greatness, and true power is forever lost to her down in the Underdark. So all she can do is help you walk down yours.
She keeps doing the same stupid shit over and over, making the same mistakes with people over and over, cause her fundamental need to safety is never being satisfied. And her service to various gods and entities technically did buy her safety, but only for an unknown period of time. And when she loses that safety, she thinks that the problem is her. That she was punished because she was not a good enough servant. That if she was a truly good servant, she won't lose your safety and your protection. And she thinks love interferes with your perception of her as a servant. She wants you to see her as a loyal servant first, lover second, because the only things in her life to be truly rewarded was her service, whereas her love got punished.
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#minthara#minthara baenre#evil murder kitten#it seems like the endings where she is truly doing things for herself is the underdark and baldur's gate ending#but she doesn't seem particularly happy with her underdark ending as she is very much afraid that she is going to die and is going insane#i adore the avernus ending with karlach - but she is going to avernus *for* karlach#but karlach is especially unique because karlach does not have a power grab related theme to her story#and karlach doesn't particularly seem to care about power or achieving power#so her doing stuff *for* karlach is also a choice she is making for herself as going to avernus is not to make karlach more powerful#but to keep her alive#her being a paladin also means she will innately be in service of someone else or do things on the behalf of someone else#and a lot of paladin oaths seem to break the moment the paladin puts their own goals and ambitions above their oaths#and even she feels a sense of freedom if she becomes an oath breaker and prefers being one#minthara only starts putting herself first after you show her that she can - and that it isn't so scary#that eternal servitude is not a requirement for safety and affection#and it becomes clear that her sticking by your side in the end - even when you reject power - is no longer to seek the need of safety#but because she genuinely does love you even if you are not as powerful as you could be
144 notes
·
View notes
Text
geralt "i will NEVER deadname my best friend" of rivia
"he will ALWAYS be dandelion to ME"
#also 'including milva in male costume' goes SOOO HARDDD#everyone say thank you regis for citing a dozen precedents to pull that off. the effect of knowing your herstory <3#c: geralt#s: i want to be by your side#geralt is like the reverse situation of a transphobe who 'has known you for 20 years so he can't call you something else now'#it's that he has known dandelion for so long that he can't call him anything else but his STAGE / CHOSEN NAME :')#the 'viscount dandelion' is so funny to me#i can accept that he's a viscount but I DRAW THE LINE at calling him by his birth name#milva: 'you can accept that he's a viscount??'#also it's lost in english but that his stage name and birth name begin with the same letter & thus sound. jaskier... julian...#not the 'chosen name starts with the same letter as the birth name' stereotype. and swag#the witcher books#book: lady of the lake#excerpt#one thousand million years ago in posada:#dandelion: 'don't you want to know my name' | geralt: 'but i already know your name. it's dandelion'#dandelion: 'but it's not my real name. don't you want to know my real and famous name' | geralt: 'not particularly'#geralt has the same relationship to dandelion's birth name and viscount status as dandelion has to kaer morhen 💀#geralt and dandelion are like i don't care who you were back then i cannot comprehend your sad backstory all i care is about who you are no#i think this kind of friendship helped them both slightly detach from their exaggerated levels of perceived self-importance#geralt from his 'woe is me i will never be seen as a normal man' and dandelion from 'im the most interesting man in this tavern'#only SLIGHTLY detach. when they're around each other they temper expectations. but when they're apart it grows back
251 notes
·
View notes
Text
this was actually so SICK-
#bridgerton#bridgerton season 3#bridgerton s3#bridgerton spoilers#polin#colin bridgerton#penelope bridgerton#penelope featherington#THEY WEREN’T PARTICULARLY ON GOOD TERMS AND STILL#THE WHOLE WORLD VANISHED WHEN THEY WERE DANCING ON THEIR WEDDING DAY#BECAUSE THAT’S ALL THEY CARE ABOUT#NO ONE ELSE MATTERS#JUST THEM
67 notes
·
View notes
Note
omgggg shipping is not arophobic in the LEAST but keep making us look like whiners with no real problems by continuing to complain about it I guess
yeah that's definitely what i said in any post ever man great job
average person who has made shipping their entire identity will see a post where someone says 'hey please don't say these specific types of things that are degrading and cruel about nonromantic relationships while enjoying your ships and maybe examine the thought processes and beliefs and prejudices that led to saying them' and be like 'oh so you're a whiner with no real problems who thinks shipping is arophobic?'
telling on yourself there bud
#gav gab#lmaoooooooo#gav answers#i feel like my brain ghosts would have a much harder time with this if i didn't already like#obsessively couch every single comment i made about shipping and arophobia and amatonormativity#with a million disclaimers about how everyone is allowed to do what they want and enjoy what they enjoy#implying this comes from a fellow aro person is like#unfortunately not hard to accept bc i have seen a Lot of aro people who love shipping#also fall down the same logic traps#of people's behaviour when shipping can Never be questioned or criticized bc shipping is sacrosanct#bc they feel like#idk particularly self conscious about engaging in arophobic behaviour when shipping#ive noticed that like people who make shipping their entire fandom identity have a VERY LOW distress tolerance#for someone even so much as not also approaching fandom that way#and watching them freak out at the mere suggestion that it's possible for someone to#ever so gently suggest maybe the way they talk about this affects other people#and 'but my ships' isn't a blanket justification to say whatever you want forever about relationships and love and feelings#and devotion and whatever else and how Friends Don't Look At Friends Like That!!11!111!!!!!#bc it's Not That Deep and It's Just A Joke Calm Down and Ship And Let Ship!!!!!!!#is like. well. skill issue. i am so uncomfortable in fandom spaces all the time lmao you couldn't survive in my shoes#imagine being so selfish and incapable of handling people having different experiences that you hear like#the mildest critique of your behaviour and go so far off the rails you send shit like This#is this take for real 'it's not possible for any shipping related behaviour to be arophobic' bc if so uh. Uh#shipping related behaviour is not immune from critque about but not limited to#misogyny homophobia racism arophobia etc etc you do actually have to care abt other people#even when youre making your barbies kiss. sorry!#i see a notification on my inbox and i get excited to see a message. maybe it's about one of my fics or smth!#no. it is this asshole.
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
If anyone else's windows device taskbar has been giving them too much world health news and prompting anxiety spirals, you can turn this thing off:
by right-clicking any blank part of the task bar, hitting this:
and turning this off.
Signed, 'oh my god I already mask indoors every day and live in constant fear of my jacked up immune system leading to my untimely demise, please stop telling me about fun new diseases'.
#taylor's tag#my existential crises have been so bad lately.#I need to stop worrying about my own death constantly. it's not particularly healthy.#but also hard to stop doing when I live in a society that does not care if I live or die. I'm always reminded of it.#I'm just as disposable as those masks nobody else fucking wears anymore lmao.#like god. sorry. I try to keep the pessimism to a minimum here but sometimes it just really gets to me.#tw death#anyways i'm gonna go read some fic and take my mind off of it. that's enough of a spiral for today lol. cutting this one short.
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
just remembered a wip i had which was jay at uni meeting normal people and desperately trying to act cool and normal whilst internally screaming about being in a whole new place with all new people and not having his gang with him
#i only wrote one scene where jay meets one of his flatmates#and he’s trying to make casual normal conversation & asks her who her parents are#bc that has always mattered! on the isle or at auradon prep your parentage was also a Conversation Starter#and the girl is just like ……what. why do you want to know that#but she tells him and jay makes it into a joke like hehe oh yes i met them at a soirée once. amazing company#and the girl is like ok who are YOUR parents. knowing full well who he is#and jay says that his dad fosters puppies. and the girl says that sounds like a good life and he’s like ohhh just the BEST#i really. love exploring jay at uni i’ve written a couple of things i’ve never finished#like!!! for the first time for years he’s well and truly all alone!!!!#and at least the isle & ap had similarities. uni is just full of very normal people who don’t particularly give a shit#and jay who is like THE guy who cares about everything so much all the time and how people are reacting to him and he’s desperately trying+#to be so cool and unbothered whilst trying not to revert to his isle tactics regarding people who may be threats#just. being somewhere so so new. with no one he knows. everyone else is so far away. and jay is missing his gang like he’d miss+#his body parts. and it’s like. jays always buried his own emotions & hurt so he can better protect his gang#and now he has no gang to protect#and he is just laid absolutely bare. and also constantly stressing about not being there for the others#i just think he’d have an absolutely awful start to uni <3#descendants#jay son of jafar
47 notes
·
View notes
Text
mdarc chapter 4 spoilers (tw negative)
i'm a couple of doors into the mystery labyrinth, and it's getting a little annoying having shinigami and yuma go "but how could this have happened? who could have done this?" when i literally knew it was yakou as soon as the game told me that the poison had a delay. this is so silly like "how could anyone have got past this, they would have died in thirty minutes!" ok! narrow your suspect pool to people who die in the next thirty minutes then! damn!!!
#mdarc#rain code#little ranty#also i have only just started so if [redacted] isn't the killer then so be it#but i know they are there's no way it's anyone else#vivia having that quiet (more than usual) moment when yuma said the lab is hooked up to a secondary power source that never went down#is so good#i think [redacted] required an accomplice for [last part of their plan] but from that reaction i don't think it's vivia#i think it just got more or less confirmed for him who the killer was#also viv is so interesting to me!!! i was right that he was going to be my favourite#the bold experience machine enjoyer#i find it kind of funny when halara says that he'd be a great detective if he just put in more effort#this isn't some problem of viv not reaching his goals or anything#he is very good at the things he actually likes doing and wants to do#he wants to come up with theories as to how a crime could have been committed#he doesn't particularly care about which one is right#just finding ways around logical constraints#that being said he very much understands that choosing one of those and expressing it will influence the world#which is why he doesn't tend to communicate when he's figured something out#he's more interested in observing what other people do unrestricted by his influence#this is why i think it's really sweet when he threatens to kill yuma (insane sentence)#i have such a soft spot for characters who break their own rules and principle for someone they really care about#and seeing vivia put [redacted] in front of his own happiness and ingrained way of doing things is so humanising#i don't think viv is particularly complex as a character#once you grasp that he genuinely has no regard for what's true and enjoys ambiguity you've can understand him from there#there's this one line where he says 'after all...i'm more interested in the story than the truth...'#but he is my favourite by far#i love how he's straddling the line of philosophical postmodernism and actual psychosis#he's so interesting to me#tw negative
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
this whole conversation is so insane. the fact that cahir is with their party at all after attempting to kidnap ciri multiple times is fucking crazy. dandelion goes on a whole tangent after this about how unpleasant he finds it when geralt is spiteful like this. be SO fucking for real with me. the fact that geralt is letting this guy live is a testament to how fucking generous he’s being with the “i technically saved her life by kidnapping her away from the terrible disaster that first time” excuse. the fact that he’s traveling with him is an ENORMOUS amount of restraint and tolerance. for dandelion to say “i think you need to stop being so resentful towards him…” are you fucking kidding me?? that’s his kid. ciri had nightmares about that man. it made her cry. geralt is the realest fucking man on earth for wanting to create a culturally enduring fucking horror story out of what he would do to that man for that and he is demonstrating an incredible amount of patience and restraint by ONLY glaring at him as he travels side by side with him. i like dandelion normally but geralt is right he should literally kill himself and go to hell for this
#yes i think my job as someone who cares for children does make me more sensitive to this issue than someone else who doesn’t have kids.#um. i don’t think you have to have kids or even be particularly close with any to understand the incredible urge for violence#toward anyone who would hurt a kid. MUCH less a kid that is YOURS.#i would do crazy fucking things to anyone who threatened one of my kiddos.#geralt is so right here. cause traumatizing a child so bad that they have nightmares about it that make them cry is a death sentence.#evil was the right word to use here. i would not want to be anything less than evil toward someone who hurt my kid#literally whatever else about the witcher. idc. the way geralt cares about ciri will always hit for me.#the fact that dandelion tells him to calm down and his first response is that cahir made ciri cry.#yeah. yeah.#anyway. mannnnnnnnnnnn#gonna be crazy about this forever.#she cried because she saw him in a dream. i didn’t kill him when i saw him first. i should have.#i wanted to make him suffer so badly that people would talk about it in the dark for years and years and years to come.#goddddddddd#witcher reread#tower of swallows#geralt of rivia#dandelion#the witcher
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
My FL main went through some really weird, organic development over the...oh god, I think it's been five years since I started playing now.
So my main is named Skadi Larkin. They are a little bastard. They started out extremely 2D; I named them after my favorite Norse goddess and the protagonist of the book I was reading at the time. I originally wanted to make them female like both of their namesakes, but the second I saw the third-gender option, I thought it was too good to pass up. This is where they got their primary base characterization as a mad scientist who wanted to Cause Problems.
Then I started the Nemesis ambition and forgot which option I'd chosen for who I was trying to avenge, so they lost both their lover and their older brother under tragic circumstances (only the lover was killed by Nemesis's antagonist, though).
Then I got an Exceptional Friendship and had to give my tragic backstory in order to gain entry to the House of Chimes. Skadi pulled said tragic backstory (orphaned in a hansom accident) more or less out of their ass, but it did establish that their parents are dead.
Somewhere down the line, I realized that technically Skadi is a linguist, since the Correspondence is a language, and I made that their profession on the Surface as well.
Around this time, I started working on character designs for my fan comic. I got really into messing around with skin tone, and somewhere along the line thought it would be fun to draw Skadi (who was originally white) with darker skin, and it stuck.
Then I abruptly realized I was taking a lot of options that increased my Melancholy, and almost all of them were based on the Surface. So now Skadi has a longing for the Surface.
I left the game for a few years, but somewhere during this stretch of time, and I don't know how this happened, but I decided Skadi was now Native American; specifically, Metis. I changed their design to incorporate a sash woven in a style characteristic of the Metis, which also added a bit of color to their design (which was mostly black or grey at this point).
During this time, I started incorporating Skadi into my fan comic. This would eventually lead me to actually flesh out their backstory in greater detail. When I started playing the game again, I also created my first alt by total accident (long story), and I decided to weave her backstory with Skadi's.
So Skadi is in the interesting position of being an Indigenous person who is what we'd probably consider Two-Spirit today but they'd just call "Bollocks to that gender crap". They never belonged on the Surface, since the Metis are in a bit of a liminal space compared to other tribes due to their interesting background (the Metis are the descendants of French settlers and Indigenous inhabitants, mostly Cree), and Skadi exists in a liminal space within that liminal space due to only being half-Metis and raised primarily in white culture, although they still maintained a connection to it through their late mother. They also never belonged because no one else on the Surface outside of the communities they already felt isolated from would ever accept them for their gender. London gave them a chance to express one of those, but not both, and despite knowing that the Surface hates them just for existing, they still long to return.
#fallen london#fallen london oc#mild fallen london spoilers ig#there's a really interesting dichotomy with all of my fl characters honestly#skadi's is just probably the most blatant#umbra belacqua (my shadowy alt) is someone who both loves very fiercely and is capable of immense cruelty at the same time#in her backstory she had the husband of her ex-fiancee (who left her at the altar) murdered because she couldn't let go of her ex's betraya#said ex is my persuasive alt and is both very socially gregarious and extremely withdrawn#he probably won't ever get a spouse just because he can't bring himself to love someone else after what happened the last time#and he had very good reason for leaving umbra because he could never love her the way she wanted#and he felt that the sympathy she would receive from his family would more than make up for the heartbreak#since umbra is obsessed with gaining power and prestige and he came from an influential family#and knew that running away with the person he really loved would get him disowned#(he doesn't know umbra killed his husband btw)#my dangerous alt is my persuasive alt's sister#she's trans and badly overcompensating for it by refusing to wear anything except feminine clothing#because it hasn't quite gotten through to her yet that no one in Fallen London particularly cares about her gender expression#and she feels like the only way she can be seriously considered a woman is if she does everything she can to look like one#which causes her a good few problems because her one true passion is violence and that's not usually considered a very feminine hobby#then their younger brother (my watchful alt) is someone ironically very disinclined to violence who resorts to it anyways#the only people he's actually going to try to kill are the ones he has to kill for his ambition#and he's not very happy about it but he doesn't have much of a choice#because while he might not like bloodshed his murdered spouse was an anarchist who definitely did#and he's determined to do right by his memory by...killing a lot of people apparently#he is not a terribly mentally stable man and when i finally get around to making his account#he's going to have a massive nightmares problem that he refuses to deal with and keeps ending up in the royal beth for it#tl;dr all my fallen london characters are going through it and have overly long and complicated backstories#my main just happens to have the most overly long and complicated of them all
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
it's been a strange arc so far
when I was 19-21 and having an extremely imbalanced relationship with someone in their mid 30s I was like 'we are both adults so the fact that this is fucking me up is my fault'
when I hit my late 20s and saw how young people in their late teens and early 20s seem now I was like 'oh wait I was so fucking young I didn't know shit about my own limits or about managing relationships and I don't know why someone in their mid to late 30s would be into that except for nefarious purposes'
the weird bit is now I'm into my 30s - not even that far into my 30s - and while I still wholeheartedly believe that last thing about how young (and self destructive) 20 year olds are, I'm also kind of like 'huh, actually nobody I know that age has their shit remotely together and frankly the reason this fucked me up is because NEITHER of us knew what the fuck we were doing it how to cope, for different reasons and at different life stages, and there probably wasn't any malice or intent to control as much as there was Blind Flailing.'
#red said#this is about one specific relationship btw.#wanted to clarify that because there have been several men over 30 who fucked me up between the ages of 16 and 21#and i adamently do NOT want to keep pretending that was incompetence. that was predation. sometimes incompetent predation.#but with the person I'm thinking of? she really hurt me and the age gap and difference in life stage was a not insubstantial factor#but mostly she was just spiralling out really badly and i offered her something to hold and she did try to keep things balanced and safe#but she was very off balance at the time. so the fucking up was more that than it was about power or control#we were just both very stupid and very sensible at the same time which is a great way to dig yourselves deeper#and idk I'm like 2 or 3? years younger than she was when we met iirc#and the closer i get to her age the more I'm like yeah you know that's a human reaction. i can see how that happens.#and i kind of feel bad for the amount of bitterness I've held and malice I've ascribed because ultimately#i think it was just two people having different crises trying and failing to figure out boundaries around them#but this has come on really suddenly and it's kind of fucking me up as well#cause I'm frightened of falling back into patterns of oh it's never anyone else's fault that i got hurt#but i don't. thiiiiink so? bc it's really only this one thing. i am not making these excuses for other people.#idk. sometimes people just fuck each other up.#I'm not even sure i think it was a bad thing that it happened. a lot of bad happened but we also catalyzed a lot of change in each other.#i feel like the reason i keep picking at this is that it's complicated. it was not good. it was good.#she really fucked me up and she was a terrible friend to me at times. but she was also the first person to really look after me.#and she kind of helped me start to learn how to need other people. which was good.#when my grandma died she wrapped me in a blanket and cancelled her plans to watch TV on the couch with me#even though she barely knew me at that point#and she was one of the first people to consistently ask for consent and check in. and she did genuinely care about me.#but she also truly fucked me over a couple of times.#but mostly that was just because she was buried in a pit of despair and self loathing.#she seems a lot happier now. i hope she is. i don't know if i want to know her particularly but i think if she's happy she'd be nice to know
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
(homestuck specifically does not count here because its too popular and would break the intent of this question. I dont care if you read homestuck. Pretend it doesn't exist for the purposes of this question)
#God I genuinely hope nobody adds a longwinded list of recommendations to this post. I'm just trying to check if I'm insane#mypost#The intent of this question being trying to see if my thought that nobody reads these is justified at all.#Not meant disparagingly to the medium really. Its just that it kind of seems like everyone keeps trying to make one but nobody reads them.#Or maybe that's just my own personal problem and very limited amount of people i know.#Ive had like at least 2-3 major ''tried to make comic and failed'' incidents in the past (when i was like 15 you don't remember them.)#without having actually particularly read or cared about anyone else's. i feel like this may be strange to have done several times.#it is only a very recent development that i am even keeping up with a comic at all and its still just one...#and that was kind of because it was started by a person i was already following beforehand#so it kind of would have showed up in front of me either way.
32 notes
·
View notes
Text
hi ok unpopular thought but you can tell when a cis/het person is playing a queer character because they always prioritize the queerness of their character over anything else
#like were in the middle of urinetown auditions#and this guy is auditioning for barrell#and i am too#and now i dont particularly care#like none of this is to say that his or anyone else's performance is bad or lesser than#but barrell is gay and like you can tell watching this kid perform that that fact is at the forefront of his mind#we were talking abt it later and he was like “yeah your barrell was like really snarky” and im like YEAH bro he kills ppl for a living#like hes not walking around constantly thinking about how hes gay#no gay person walks around fronting the fact that theyre gay#like i dont go to the mall thinking 'i am gay and going to the mall' dude no i just go to the fucking mall#i have a love hate relationship with cis/het performers who play queer characters because you could pull it off???#but youre lacking the subtleties#youre lacking the timing of when these things actually come into play#and again i really do hope this dude the best like honest to god if he gets the part thats great and i know he'll get there like i am#not the one directing this show and i trust the director completely#and im just using that as an example#but you see it in other things too#you can see it in good omens 2 and the danish girl and call me by your name#now compare it to something like cabaret and alan cummings portrayal of emcee#and you can tell theres a level of understanding there thats lacking in the other ones. our flag means death is also another really good#example. while rhys darby and taika waititi arent gay david jenkins is and it comes across in his writing that this is someone who#understands the queer experience and writes in a way that makes it possible for cis/het performers to understand what theyre playing with#turnip rants#delete later probably#all opinions and statements are my own we can coexist
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
Religiously i think about one of my twitter mutuals pointing out how aoki's design is subtly asymmetrical while ichiban is more symmetrical
when i think of it, masato's design is fairly symmetrical as well isnt it.....
#snap chats#please no one look at me i shouldve gotten my drink two hours ago#what does it mean .....#i swear my mutual had like. galaxy brain when it came to aoki i swear to god in heaven no one got him like they did#they were also the one that did that glass analysis post i shared some months back#moving on tho...#i guess there is the stipulation that because masato's shirt buttons dont match his shirt like ichi's does the buttons at the top mess it u#but aside from that everything else is pretty even: he has a pair of bangs and while his shirt is patterned its not like. grossly so#the pattern doesnt go particularly one way or the other its obviously just a pattern and the colors arent offensively against each other#on the flipside aoki's hair is more obviously swept to one side and leaving the other side bare#not to mention his tie in general. the 'bulb' part and 'tongue' part even go against each other#as if a diagonal striped tie itself wouldnt be askew to his overall look#again these are very small things to notice but im glad theyre small- it makes sense for a politician's to be subtly incongruent#the glasses are super important to aoki's design too but that's covered int eh glass analysis and isnt about symmetry#idk ... maybe im just waffling on about nothing.. either way i love those posts by my mutual#OH i think of this because i am once again thinking of updating how i draw masato#cause i like the blazer and necklace i gave him BECAUSE of that asymmetry#but now i wonder if thatd go against his design ... so i have to ask 'what underlying message is there for masato to be symmetrical'#i guess- even if he is a creep and a weirdo- he's not. evil? idk ... he hasn't gone totally off the deep end compared to aoki#like compared to what he'd go on to do as aoki he's pretty normal as masato#he is just a guy. who DOES have ties to the yakuza but this aint about that LKCJALKREJVA#he doesnt even like them he just uses them for his convenience 😔#idk. ill prob still draw masato the same tbh LMAO if anything ill just crop his blazer but keep it symmetrical#i guess i cant wonder this TOO much when i give him mismatching rings 💀💀 ill just have fun ig fjaelrvekljv#at the end of the day its never that serious ...... i just gotta draw what makes me chortle. esp for a chara three people care about VJLAEK#but i will wonder ..... <- it is not that deep#ima go bye
7 notes
·
View notes