#no one deserves that and treating someone with mental illness like that is even worse

[dr-spectre]

Guess who turned 7 years old?

SPLATOON 2!!!!! Everyone's favourite Splatoon game!!!! Right? Right guys....? We love Splatoon 2 yeah....? It's the best one right.....? Totally not gonna become the middle child of the series that gets overshadowed by the new fresh Splatoon 3 and the nostalgia of the first game right.....?

Okay, jokes aside about if Splatoon 2 is actually good or not. This was the game that actually got me into Splatoon, I knew about the series since it's announcement but I couldn't play the first game because like the rest of general public, I didn't own a wii u. Still don't but I would love to have one to mod. (And play Splatoon 1 online with fan servers...)

I think Splatoon 2 really did bring a lot of cool stuff to the table and it had a lot of quality of life features and interesting weapon, sub and special concepts.

It gave us the dualies!! THE DUALIES! I LOVE THE DUALIES!

It gave us the brellas! Which.... were kinda bad at launch and still are bad till this day....

BUT! I dont wanna talk about weapons because thats BORING! I wanna talk about one of the best things Splatoon 2 gave us...

OFF THE HOOK! PEARL AND MARINA! These girls are some of the most popular characters in the series and for good reason. They are both funny, likeable, charming, witty and have developed backstories by the time Octo Expansion comes around. Plus their chemistry is top-notch and so damn CUTE! It's almost has if they are somehow more than friends and that kind of connection is canon and people who try to deny it are fucking idiots and will never be in a relationship of their own.....

Also Splatoon 2 gave us a pretty solid hero mode at launch, sure it was basically more Splatoon 1 hero mode but hey, the first hero mode was fun so more of the same is fine by me. Plus you get Marie's classic snark too while you go through levels, she's nice company surprisingly. Way better than some old ass crusty dude...

It also gave us....

totally didn't fuck up my mental health this year and last year and caused me chest pain and discomfort until I had to dig and dig AND DIG for knowledge just to salvage it and make sure my favourite character in the fucking series was given the respect she deserves....

....hypno/octo Callie.... totally didn't fuck up this villain arc for her huh Nintendo? Totally didn't throw away the depth you built up (and was shown in concept art) only to try and hastily fix it 2 years later with an obscure relationship chart no one fucking talks about, not even the timeline explainers...

totally didn't use the wrong terminology to describe her situation and made everything so much worse because you wanted a simple black and white story for the kiddies yeah Nintendo? Despite you making stuff grey in the dlc expansion so the both story modes now clash like oil and water theme wise.

And yet you still treat her like dirt. Still using the wrong poorly localised words. If I still gotta repeat to the sky one more time that callie was under hypnosis and not forceful brainwashing I might have a stroke. You can't even fucking brainwash someone with hypnosis because the limitation of hypnosis is that the person under it must be fully comfortable with the suggestion and the suggestion cannot go agaisnt their morals and ideology. AND GUESS WHAT BRAINWASHING IS! FORCING DIFFERENT IDEOLOGIES INTO SOMEONE'S HEAD! DO YOU GET WHY I HAVE AN ISSUE NOW?!?!?! JUST USE THE WORD HYPNOTISED NINTENDO! THATS ALL YOU GOTTA DO!! ILL BE SOOO HAPPY!!!

YOU TOO INKIPEDIA! I CAUGHT YOU USING THE WORD TOO MULTIPLE TIMES! you better change it... just change brainwashed to hypnotised and I would literally kiss you on the lips or something idk... I love you inkipedia but that's all you gotta change okay? Pretty please? With a cherry on top?

ENOUGH OF THAT! I WANNA TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE!!!

Do you know what else Splatoon 2 gave us?

OCTO EXPANSION BABY! I know people love to call this overrated now but I really don't care. It's not overrated, it's perfectly rated. It also gave us PLAYABLE OCTOLINGS! Which was a highly requested thing people really really wanted and they gave us what we asked for! Even though they lacked a lot of customisation options.... still do till this day... (Nintendo is it really that hard to come up with new hair? The community has been doing that for years for you man.)

And of course... the last thing I want to talk about...

This is probably my favourite Splatfest to date. It brought in a lot of actual genuine philosophical discussion on what kind of world is best, a world of chaos? Or a world of order? I chose team chaos because when the youtuber/streamer Etika was still around he chose team chaos and I chose that team because of him... rest in peace...

The shifty station too was phenomenonal as you got to hear Fly Octo Fly and Pearl would come in AND YOU GOT TO USE HER PRINCESS CANON!!!! IT WAS SO FUCKING COOL AHHHH!!!

God Pearl is so cool... i can't believe I actually used to dislike her. I wanna beat up teen me so badly for having such bad takes. Marina is hot sure, but, Pearl is just so fucking funny. Man what was wrong with 13 to 17 year old me....

Anyways, I wanted to ramble about Splatoon 2. It's pretty special to me as it was the reason I am here today, so I can't really criticise it as much as others do. Well... aside from one obvious thing but, I've done that many times.

Also, before I go... NINTENDO!!! BRING BACK SHIFTY STATIONS FOR SPLATOON 4!!! DO IT!!! STOP BEING COWARDS!!!!

[stuckasmain]

Hal’s deactivation is hard hitting across both the movie and the book. It’s been dissected a million times and likely more in the future. Most recently in the way of Hal having little agency…he has no arms to ward off his attacker or means of defense (but I’d argue killing Frank and the others was his defense, especially in the movie when his reasoning is more ambiguous). I do love the idea this is following and hope to see more of it in the future, however the way I’m approaching it is with a more romantic lense.

The entire lobotomy sequence is heart wrenching and almost worse in the novel purely because we get to see Dave’s thoughts on it. Not only do we hear Hal’s frightened pleas for his life but we get the ‘attacker’ perspective and it’s… an act of mercy.

While there is the themes of survival and violence this is approached with a softer touch. It’s much more that he is putting Hal out of his misery. Ending his suffering. Not putting him down like an animal but rather the harsh decision faced when one has an ill/dying lover.

“The only answer was to cut out the higher centers of this sick but brilliant brain, and to leave the purely automatic regulating systems in operation” 155

After the job is done Dave forgives Hal incredibly quickly once all of the facts are in. He can quickly pull together the mental break that must’ve happened and recognizes that Hal had the very human ‘fight or flight’ response to what he had been through. He had always been treated like a sixth crew member, respected and talked to like anyone else but it is only “post Mortem” that Dave recognizes how human Hal was and that true emotion might be more than theorizing.

“And yet, in one very real sense, he was not alone. Before he could be safe, be must be lonelier still.” 153

The fact that Dave genuinely sees Hal as his last true connection. Even after the murders. How he fights and forgives and comes up with excuses to not have to go through with the enviable because then will he be truly alone… but he also knows logically- Hal isn’t right and can’t be left active. Despite his feelings safety and protocol come first.

Hal is human in Dave’s eyes and it makes things all the more tragic, it’s what turns shutting off functions into lobotomy, into murder. He thinks he won’t feel pain, not because he’s machine but because there’s no sense in the human cortex. So human that his “true” voice is unrecognizable and horrifying.

“Bowman could bare no more. He jerked out the last unit, and Hal was silent forever.” 157

It’s not rage which he makes the final blow, it’s sorrow. It’s pulling the plug.

Some of Hal’s lines in the book particularly, as we get more insight into him as well and some of his pleading. His honest to god confusion and panic because he’s so young and has no idea of sleep and …

“I don’t understand why you’re doing this to me. . . You are destroying my mind. . . Don’t you understand? I will become childish. . . I will be nothing. . .” 156

I don’t know, I’m becoming borderline incoherent but there’s something here that’s so tender and sorrowful that I have to address it. I’m a sucker for the violence = intimacy metaphor just as anyone but the unwitting murderer is also an angle I have to adore.

Maybe in another life Hal got to be a little gay Victorian with someone to hold his hand on his sick bed rather than be murdered. I just think he deserves better; they both do.

Computer death sad -> he should be fed soup

This is when you know you should go to bed.

[immediatebreakfast]

It's incredible how this is the first time we meet Mrs. Westenra, and the first thing we see the woman do is confide to Mina how she is going to to die. There is no dancing around the issue, no maybe, just a firm "Yes I am going to die" which is said to someone who is not her daughter.

Someone who already has the stress of caring for the two most important people in her life, Jonathan who she dreads to be probably dead, and Lucy whose sleepwalking is worsening her state, like an illness. Even if the text itself, and Mina don't write it out loud, it's a situation that anyone would find utterly stressful no matter how they look at it. It's worse for Mina since she is a very hands on active character.

So why does Mrs. Westerna thinks is appropiate to tell this to Mina (her daughter's childhood friend), and not Lucy who is her actual daughter? Well the difference seem to be both infatilization, and wrongfully assigned maturity. Lucy gets treated like a child, while Mina gets treated like an adult woman despite being two or three years apart in age.

Poor dear, sweet lady! She confided to me that she has got her death-warrant. She has not told Lucy, and made me promise secrecy

In the eyes of Mrs. Westerna Mina is mature enough to not only guard this secret from Lucy, but also to understand on top of being mentally fine with the implications that this could bring for Lucy. Also, in Mrs. Westerna's eyes Lucy is still a child; she doesn't see a young lady who is taking in the huge responsability of marriage, but a child that is going to have someone else to protect her when she is gone.

Both Mina, and Lucy needed to know at some point that Mrs. Westenra was going to die, but out of the two of them Lucy deserves to know this tragic fact about her mother first. Even if these news make her sleepwalking worse, she still has to know.

I even dare to say that the socio economical difference between Mina, and Lucy make it easier for Mrs. Westenra to choose who to tell. One girl is an orphan working class girl who was forced by her surrounding circumstances to adapt quickly to many living responsabilities, the other girl is a daughter of a noble family with a chronic condition who has adapted her entire personality to please people that surround her social status out of necessity.

[cyberpunk-20xx]

Hey hey

Hey

Johnny Silverhand's not cool

Johnny's disabled. Johnny had a military issued chrome forced onto him. Johnny treated himself like shit and probably smelled like shit too for it.

Do you think he got therapy for it? No I don't mean mental therapy I mean physical therapy, for the arm, I mean do you think he got physical therapy for a metal arm shoved onto a wound (I don't expect the wound was taken care of anymore than what was strictly practical no of course not), no no he wasn't given therapy, he wasn't given time to adapt, his trauma at losing a trustworthy friend on the field was just stacked with the trauma of just being weaponized even more before being put back on the field for a fucking pointless war, so that means-

I mean you know about amputation? No? No, right, of course not, it'd be weird, right? To know about amputation and implants and prothesis and the psychological impacts in detail you'd need to have read up on it, pretty obsessively at that, too, that's not normal, normal people don't do that, what kind of weirdo has hyperfixations about that because of OCD right? Right.

Well amputations are so fucking traumatizing even if they save your life. Of course they are. It's a part of your body. Your body is not supposed to see its insides and it's not supposed to lose parts either, your brain can't actually compute that, like let's say, cutting your nails?

They put a metal arm on him like cutting nails, they didn't care, he wasn't a person to them he was a tool.

He never got physical therapy for it. He never went to have it recalibrated or maintained. Why would he? I don't even think he knows what model it is. Do you think they bothered telling him? Do you think they gave him a little booklet for "how to take care of your new implant"? Ahahahah of course not that'd be so fucking silly and kind and thoughtful. Of course not.

Johnny needs his addictions. Do you think he has prescribed medicine for the chronic pains that the arm causes him? No of course not. Do you think he started drinking and taking Lace because it was fun? Because it was cool? Because he was gonna be a rockerboy? And he wanted to impress girls.

In the real world, as of 2020, the first cause of mortality in the USA is opiates, and the main demographic is white men, aged 30 to 60, roughly, a large amount of those men war veterans, cumulating psychological trauma even prior to the addiction, even prior to the army itself, cus the majority of people who join the military do it to escape poverty and a dysfunctional household. It's a well oiled machine because at worse they go back to the motherland and die quietly of OD or something else, or best case scenario they have kids! And some of those kids are boys, and out of middle class recrutes, a good part are from military families!

It's a system that works just as designed really.

America, abuse and neglect of your chronically ill and chronically in pain is part of your DNA currently.

Johnny's not cool. He runs hot, he's a fucking spoonie who ran out of spoons before he even joined the military so now all he's got is knives. Knives knives nothing else nothing but knives. Johnny's a man overheating on constant, he's been dying for years, he likely has fevers from his port inflammatory's issues due to neglect, he doesn't know how to take care of himself, he wasn't taught, it's not expected of him, no one in his entourage sees him as what he is, do you remember for one second someone treating him like he was disabled and needed accomodation?

Disabled people whose chronic pains are not given the deserved care are most likely to develop the hardest addictions to cope with it, with the physical pain, and the psychological consequences- namely, psychosis, psychosis is a common consequence for having your pain ignored because this kind of neglect breaks your psyche at its core, at its sense of self.

Johnny has all the symptoms of a man in pain but because American soft power made drug abuse cool people think he's cool for drinking and fucking and killing and coking himself up until he blows himself up. Johnny's not cool, he's a tragedy, he's hurt, he's self-medicating, no he's not going to go cold turkey because he loves Kerry or because he loves your V, love isn't going to fucking save him, if you just erase Johnny's addictions because you think love fixes that honestly fuck you, because I'm tired of people just treating addiction like a bad spot to bleach out of sight, like it's got no roots and it's got no continuation, to no longer need self-medication Johnny would need reparation and better treatment, especially if he's brought back with that fucking arm, why do people not get that he didn't reclaim the arm, he let it take over, for fuck's sake he canonically blames all HIS bad deeds on The Hand, that's not reclaiming, that's self-sabotage.

Johnny dies like a pathetic pawn in Blackhand's plan, and even among people who were supposed to be his own, he's not seen as anything but a hero or a monster. No inbetween. He's not a man to them. He's something to workship, and if he doesn't grant them miracles he's the Devil.

What a load of bullshit.

Fuck, Johnny's not cool. Johnny needed help but didn't even want it because he was so full of violence and hatred he killed himself. But he deserved better nonetheless.

[kaija-rayne-author]

Review 10.3 of Dragon Age Veilguard

74 hours in, 72 playtime

Obligatory disclaimer, feel free to jump to the cut if you've read it.

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It's fantastic. I'm also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I'm on media blackout while I play this, so I'm only getting second-hand info on how awful it is right now in the DA Fandom. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking 'have you bozos ever played any DA game, like, ever?' My guess is nope.

Spoilers for Dragon Age Veilguard

Section 10.2 here.

So. I didn't want to play tonight, didn't really have the energy. But I legitimately fear if I don't play for even one day, I'll drop it and not come back. I have ADHD, its a strong possibility, and I still want to see what happens in the story for myself.

I hereby announce that I am, in fact, Eating Crow. Game Lucanis is way better written and developed than in his intro story.

And Lucanis did let Emmerich help, after all. Plot hole taken care of.

That's it? That's all we get about The Titans? After all the previous foreshadowing, we get a single companion quest to find out and resolve (completely unrealistically) the entire issue of The Titans? Are you seriously kidding me?

I need a stronger word than flabbergasted.

Discombobulated. I'm discombobulated at the sheer level of mishandling so many incredibly important aspects have been treated to in this game.

Yes, it's nice to get confirmation about my guess to the history of Titans and Elvhenan... but are you seriously fucking kidding me?

Lucanis talks about coffee more than we get something as important as the Titans settled.

Anywaaaay.

Called it on the identity of the Gloom Howler. And the 'reason' for Isseya to be doing the exact opposite is 'she's been driven mad by 400 years of guilt for following orders'? Edit, it's been pointed out she's suffered the blight for 400 years, too. The blight, in the Lore, basically makes creatures start digging out dragon/arch demons. Because all they can hear is 'the song'. There have been speaking hurlocks working for the benefit of the unblighted. There's the Architect, who keeps showing up and is sane. If directly opposed to anything mortals would want. There's no support in the Lore for blight making someone mentally ill. I truly just feel it's bad writing.

That is so over the top ableist I'm not sure if I can describe it in small enough words why we shouldn't say grief and guilt makes us fucking mentally ill in a dangerous fashion! There isn't a mental illness that I'm aware of that includes a person completely reversing deeply held, sacred beliefs so they do the exact opposite of what they've previously sacrificed so much for.

Crazy and mad both mean mentally ill. That's why calling Isseya mad or crazy is ableist. Isseya would protect those griffins, She’d very possibly steal them to protect them from the wardens. I could see where, out of fear, she'd decide that the Wardens weren't worthy of the griffins after all.

What I cannot see is her sticking a knife into the skeletal remains of a 400 year old arch demon dragon and actually finding liquid blood. That's some foolish jurassic park nonsense. Thinking maybe she got it from the blood marrow? That's dried and almost dusty within a century. Or turned to a rocky like consistency. I don't care how magical the creature those bones came from was, that's just not happening. It's ridiculous.

What I cannot see is her then using that to infect the griffins she fought so hard to save from that very fate.

Last Fall wasn’t my favourite of the books. But both the writer and the character Isseya deserve fucking better than what the end of her story will likely be. I can think of two ways that dumpster fire could be satisfactorily fixed, but I have zero trust in the Bioware writers anymore, so I highly doubt they're going either direction.

And outright stating that too much emotion makes us dangerously mentally ill... I've always said Bioware had ableism problems. I've said they need to hire diversity editors.

I'm utterly appalled that they thought that whole storyline was even remotely okay on any level.

So. Do I have this right?

The Evanuris did lots of bad things. One of the worst was severing the Titans and the dwarves from their dreams.

The Evanuris bound themselves to high dragons, blighting them, and they did this for more power.

The blight is somehow The Titans' or dwarves or both severed dreams? If that's the case, the blight should now be receding or cured because the Titans have been 'fixed'. In a completely unrealistic and ridiculous manner that does a disservice to the whole damned Titan Evanuris war, but hey. I'm used to bad, nonsensical writing. Especially in this game.

Solas made the veil to imprison the Evanuris? Bad side effects. Which, in the Lore, include the death of magic in THEDAS and the eventual death of the realm itself. But we're apparently conveniently brushing that under the rug of bad writing to drive through a story that makes no sense.

He tied the veil, their prison, into their life essences.

So the theory they seem to be going with is that by killing the arch-demon dragon, the Evanuris will become mortal.

They were mortal before they bound dragons to themselves for more power. Mythal was mortal. She was murdered. (Oopsie, even bound to her dragon.) But the Evanuris, the first elves, didn't age and were eternal. They could be killed, sure, but just regular living, even inside a prison, wouldn't have killed them. So why exactly would all the other Evanuris be dead? Just killing their dragons wouldn't have killed them. If they were somehow dead... Wouldn't that have thinned the precious veil that they've spent three games, numerous books etc. stating was thin and as full of holes as my grandmothers crocheted doilies?

Somehow, the veil is completely all better now and holding back a world of blight that never existed in the fade except maybe in the black city? We've been to the fade several times in this game and seen no blight.

How exactly is the blight the corrupted dreams of dwarves or Titans? Does that make any sense to anyone else?

Does that mean that Genlocks (blighted dwarves) dream?

And the veil is what separates the world and magic/dreams/world of spirits?

If the so precious veil is tied to the life energy of the Evanuris... and the veil was created to contain them... what exactly is going to happen to said veil when those Evanuris die?

Either I've figured out the end of the story, or found plot holes the size of Texas if they try to say that veil is still in place once Gilly and Eggy are dead. (Why again are there only two Evanuris left? Have we gotten an answer to that? That makes any sense?)

They've made the answers to everything too pat and yet so convoluted they're tripping over things they've said are fact in this very game.

I just... how? Why? What the actual fuck? How is the writing in this so reprehensibly bad?

I can write better stories in my sleep FFS. And have. One of my published novellas was a dream before I wrote it down. And at least everything makes sense in it.

Section 11 here.

[lemmeaskthedevil]

I'm so sorry but all this shit about men know it's not them because they're not fascists but if you keep hearing men are bad you start to believe it. (Particularly white men.)

When women, people of color, queer people, disabled people, neurodivergent or mentally ill people hear that they arent worthy of being treated like full people because they are inferior, do they succumb to every generalized statement made from hatred, fear, and bigotry?

(not saying that people from these communities don't EVER become radicalized but it's less commonplace for sure.)

You find or make a community that aligns with your beliefs. Even if you have to be the one to start it, you do it. You seek out men who aren't about alt-right shit or preying on how you feel guilty. You look up how to deal with the guilt you feel from society centering you at every conversation and the privileges that come with it. Because yeah it isn't your fault, but everyone else deserves to be mad and express it.

Being sensitive to someone's feelings is important yes and I'm not saying don't support your loved ones who are struggling with this, but it doesn't make anything better to go,

"hey I know your rights were taken away and you have the possibility of dying if you were to get ectopic pregnancy" or

"hey I know harassment is about to be on the rise for you and your family because of the way its more acceptable to be obscenely racist" or

" hey there's a chance some of your family members or friends might be kicked out of the country" or

"hey I know it was already incredibly easy for you to get harassment because youre trans and it will get so much worse"

" but can you reassure me that I'm not evil just because I'm a man?"

And yes it sucks to feel like everyone hates you and I can sympathize with that but the fact is if you aren't a white man, so many people do hate you and will not care if you die and that is what we're fighting against.

Personally, I'd advise people to look up how to be a great ally in this time and in general and if you see that you're doing some of these things, you can feel a little lighter. You need reassurance and positive affirmation, just like everyone else, that is totally understandable and I don't think anyone is evil for wanting that but again, there's this balance missing because part of this reinforces the structures that got us here.

[v-anrouge]

Addressing and apologizing for the mistreatment and harassment i caused for @twstchatterbox

Long post under cut.

i’ve recently reached out to someone i have hurt a lot continuously due to my own selfishness; Rubia. i’d like to apologize to her. to make things brief we dated a system's alters and would all talk to each other multiple times a day because of it. Everything seemed to be going fine until one day Rubia reached out to me with a text warning me about the fact she'd be taking a mental health break due to her social battery being low, of course seeing that my first thought was panic and that surely ive done something terrible, despite her attempts to assure me that it wasn't the case. i blocked her because seeing her hurt me, and i was convinced i was right in the situation, and that Rubia was some heartless monster. i have gone out of my way for about two years now to spread rumors about her, participated in a hate club, went out of my way to ruin her friendships and isolate her, I was ruining her social life and it made me happy. It doesn't matter how I feel anymore because this is all my fault and I was disgusting.

I know i already sent you an apology but ill gladly do it again, even if you do not forgive me, because it's a totally understandable thing to do. Back when this happened all i could think of was myself, how sad i was how hurt i was and looking back on it i really feel just disgusted with myself and how i dared play victim when your note clearly showed you were not okay mentally, instead of being a good friend and wishing you a good recovery, i immediately treated you like you had betrayed me and completely disregarded everything you told me in that note. None of what happened was your fault, clearly if i had been cut off it was because i was also doing damage, and instead of apologizing i decided to treat you rudely, and i really truly do regret my actions. It's even more disgusting to take in the fact i continuously painted you as a terrible person when i check the way i answered to you reaching out and trying to be friends again, instead of asking for an explanation instead.

In the server i was in had two people who also constantly insulted and painted Rubia as a monster, one of them being the person she considered her internet little sibling at the time; hikaru and the other one is our ex, which id rather not mention. In that server we'd constantly talk about Rubia in a negative way that only served to make us dehumanize her even more, it started at first with simple venting made by hikaru because of the way they felt betrayed and hurt by being abandoned when they genuinely considered themselves siblings, then i joined in where we'd blame and insult Rubia for cutting us off completely ignoring the reasoning behind her decision, the system, who created the server then joined in, at first only expressing how they felt rubia didn't see them as a system but rather just as the alter she dated, painting their relationship as abusive and saying Rubia was causing the alter to almost go dormant. with our constant slander i only started to hate and see rubia in an even more negative light, which only made the way i talked about her with my friends worse. In these almost two years, ive demonized rubia in many ways, all because i was desperate to seem valid, ive hurt her in ways i know i will never be able to make up for, and any backlash i receive for this is more than deserved. Im posting publicly with her permission and supervision both out of respect for her, but also so you all can see the type of person i am, you can all feel free to block me and cut me off if you see fit, it was my own actions that brought this after all. And to Rubia; i know no matter how many times i say this that it'll never fix the ways i hurt your social life, but im truly sorry, i hope that one day you're able to get help and heal from the damage i've caused.

[bugflies00]

some days ill be going about my day and then ill think about how much and unfairly cwilbur was ostracized and i feel ill .

because yeah, he fucked up and he hurt people and he was an asshole sometimes. he’s a very flawed character whose bad habits & self image impact his actions and reasoning and it ends up hurting people cause he can be pretty self-centered. some characters were obviously justified in not trusting him and didn’t owe him forgiveness. but also oh my fucking god

like NO ONE got NEARLY as much shit for their mistakes as cwilbur did. barely anyone gave him a chance the moment he was revived, and they all treated him like some kind of ticking bomb or generally a threat when he was clearly trying to change. hell, even ctommy, while he was arguably the one who stuck closest to him and was most lenient with him, said some pretty fucked up shit. like so many people implied or acted in some way or another like it was better off for everyone when he was dead. people preferred his GHOST. because ghostbur was wilbur but wrong, meaning really in their eyes he was right because wilbur was wrong. that’s the message he was getting. like sorry but if i were him i would also feel a lot of fucking resentment towards that guy. and im saying that as someone whose favourite character was ghostbur for like my first two months. (wilbur and ghostbur being the same person is an integral belief of mine but its also a different post)

and even BEFORE. in pogtopia. yeah people tried to help him but. did they really? tommy tried his best but, at the end of the day, given the average mental health awareness on this server no one truly tried to give him the help he needed (although ctommy was 16 and it literally wasn’t his responsibility, again im talking more about other characters). can you imagine how alone he must’ve felt? seeing the project he built his life and self-worth on rot and corrupt? slowly feeling himself sink deeper into paranoia and depression? while everyone watched on and kept him at arm’s length because of the threat he represented to others, rather than himself?

everyone around him focused on the fact that he blew up l’manberg and ostracized him for it, when doomsday trio who objectively made extensively worse damage to the place received nowhere near that level of criticism. sure they had enemies and not everyone trusted them, but people were willing to talk to them. get close to them. they weren’t treated like the fucking scum of the earth and someone who should die because of mistakes that they tried so hard to amend and that they made when in the worst mental health spiral of their life to the point where they wanted to die.

so yeah cwilbur deserved better

[eva-does-its-best]

Transition is going great, it is genuinely saving my life, it's just unfortunate that it is happening at what could be one of the worst parts of my life.

Huge vent tw: self harm, abuse, sexual trauma

Hormones are the only purchase I can make every month, I don't have a job, our bank account ends up negative multiple times every month. I have a security camera in my room because my father is an alcoholic and my sister a junkie and they've stolen money from me since I was a child, they singlehandedly ruined our whole family but we can't even get rid of them because she has children and he pays the rent.

I try to accept my disability now that it got worse but despite the pain and frailness of this body they won't give me any help. Would diagnoses of my mental illnesses help convince them? Too bad, psychologists don't want to diagnose anything, they prefer trying to gaslight me into thinking nothing is wrong.

Clearly nothing is wrong when every time I make someone upset by mistake I whip my back until I can't feel it anymore; when I can't go to uni class because eventually I always get depressed and then my body takes over and makes me miss class against my will; and many other things.

I spend the days alone in my room because none of my friends ever visit me, and the most important people in my life live too far away and I may never see them. The people whose existance makes me want to try to have a life despite the constant feeling that I'm dying (thanks to doctors for saying that since I was 6) and despite the fact that I've never wanted a life before. Is a simple hug too much to ask? I miss you even when I am speaking with you.

5 years on an abusive relationship, trying to be good and safe and accomodating my whole life to a person who took all her life's and studies' stress and threw it at me every day, who sexually treated me like a biohazard and an afterthought despite demanding so much from me, who yelled at me so often I flinched every time her hand went near my face, who never even tried to understand my disabilities or support me with them in any way, who months after dumping me and being radio silent CALLED ME just to tell me how many people she had fucked and how she got raped only to then go silent again. I had to take YEARS to heal from all of that, terrified of people, unable to want, feeling like a monster and in danger at the same time just for having sexual thoughts. And now that I can finally attempt to trust someone again everyone I love is too far and fuck I feel so alone.

Do I demand too much? I really just want someone I like and love, I want to be cared for for once in my life, I want patience and understanding with how little control I have over my emotions, I want to take care of someone and make them happy, I want someone who doesn't take any recreational drugs, I want to stop suffering every day. I know I am a fucking huge burden, do I not deserve love? Do I even deserve to dream of being alive?

[uncloseted]

I adore your account about Cassie but i genuinely hate effy.. she is the least likable charcater in the show, i mean yeah her mental disorder affects how she acts but couldnt they make her more likable? All of the charcaters in the show had problems but they were still more likable than she is, if for example her depression was caused by seeing tony getting hit by a bus, freddie's mother killed herself but he was still a caring sweet person unlike her and a lot of charcaters has been through worse than her but she acts like shes the only person w troubles lmao, divorce is sooo common that it doesnt even give the person an excuse to be asshole, she literally held hands with freddie in class and kissed him then goes at the end of the episode and fuck his best friend, she didnt deserve him any bit.

she also goes on and hits katie with a rock out of self defense but then doesnt tell anything to anyone and goes to fuck freddie and leaves her there? Come on now. she somehow feels like a side character even though most charcaters in the show like her because her personality is so hollow and boring and incredibly flawed more than everyone in gen 2.

yeah kaya is gorgeous and effys style is amazing, but i feel like thats the only thing likable the charcater has, i think if she was bad looking no one would even like her even Freddie or cook, because thats the reason they all liked her from the beginning isnt it? Just her looks. And anyways why the hell she only befriends girls that guys arent usually into like panda and the girl in gen 1? Is it some thing to make her feel better about herself and not feel threatened? , because she was clearly not interested in any of them

Im so sorry for talking a lot, i genuinely love your account and your opinions though! And im interested to hear your opinion about this

No worries at all! I love when people write a lot. I don't think you're alone in finding Effy annoying, which is fine. But I think the fact that she isn't always likeable is one of the reasons why the way they portray her mental illness is so realistic. Mental illnesses are illnesses. By definition, they impact people's lives in a negative way and cause them to make decisions that they wouldn't make if they were healthy.

And Effy is no different. If you were living with the delusion that falling in love would cause otherworldly demons to break through from the other side and come torture you, you'd probably do whatever you can to push the person you're in love with away, too, you know? And with the Katie/rock situation, I think Effy doesn't totally remember or understand what happened until they can't find Katie the next day - either as a result of having been on drugs or (and this is what I believe) as a result of being in the middle of a psychotic episode. Once she realizes what happens, she does call an ambulance to find and treat Katie. Does it suck to do those things to another person? Of course. She could have killed Katie, and that's very real and very serious. But Effy can only act within the context of what she believes to be true, and her beliefs about the world are heavily influenced by her mental illness. A lot of the time, she's not really in a headspace where she can make decisions that are coherent to the outside world. And that means that she's coming from a very different place than someone like Tony, who does awful things to other people on purpose just to see what he can get away with. I've always seen her as someone who desperately needs help, and the tragedy of her storyline is that none of the people around her can provide her with the help that she needs.

I also want to talk for a second about mental illness. You said that, "all of the charcaters in the show had problems but they were still more likable than she is", but that's not really how mental illness works. While mental illness can, and often is, triggered by trauma, people with no history of trauma can also be severely mentally ill, and people with a history of trauma can be totally fine from a mental health perspective. For Effy, it seems like she was just kind of born that way. This is someone who stopped talking around the age of six and didn't start again until she was fifteen. That's hardly a person who's mentally stable, even before you account for Tony getting hit by a bus right in front of her, her mother developing depression and a pill addiction, essentially taking care of both her mother and Tony through their recovery processes, her parents having a messy divorce, and essentially being abandoned by both of them when she needs them most.

In terms of why people like her, I actually don't think it's just her looks. I think for Cook, that's maybe why he was interested in her to begin with, but for Freddie, I think he's more interested in the fact that she was willing to go up to a random stranger and lick ketchup off their face before walking away. I think Freddie means it when he says he wants to "get to know" her. To Freddie, Effy is exciting and different and kind of confusing, and he's just curious about who she is and why she acts the way that she does. And for Cook, while he starts out as being interested in Effy because of how she looks, I think he continues being interested because he idealizes Effy as this beautiful girl who will be his partner in crime and let him keep avoiding his problems. He sees her as someone who’s like him and who understands what he’s going through. And then for other people, I think they like her because she's mysterious and they want to figure her out, because her attention makes them feel special (since she doesn't often pay attention to other people) or her lack of attention makes them want to impress her, because she seems like she knows everything about them even though they know nothing about her, and just in general because she has a reputation for being fun. A person's looks can only get them so far, but their personality is why people stick around. I think a good example of that is Mini in the 3rd generation. She's absolutely beautiful, but she has a lot of trouble maintaining friendships and romantic relationships because her personality is hard to be around.

And then in terms of friends, I don't think she really chose to be friends with Julie (the girl from series 1) or with Pandora. Both of them just kind of decided they were going to be her friend and Effy didn't do anything to get rid of them. So I don't think it's Effy intentionally "[befriending] girls that guys arent usually into" or that it's "some thing to make her feel better about herself and not feel threatened", but rather that girls who are a little odd and maybe don't understand social cues are the only ones who will keep trying to hang out with her even though she's clearly not interested. And for what it's worth, I do think she loves Pandora very much, even if she's not always the best friend to Pandora. I think Effy feels like she can trust that Pandora isn't going to stop wanting to be her friend, no matter what happens, and that she really values Pandora's optimism and excitement for the world, since it's something that Effy doesn't naturally feel. Pandora is really important to her, which is why she's so hurt when Pandora sleeps with Cook, even though she doesn't actually care about Cook himself.

Like I said at the beginning, I don't think you have to like Effy, and I know a lot of people don't. But I think she's more complicated than people make her out to be and that she's not annoying for the sake of being annoying.

[aropride]

Saw this in my reblogs and I'm bored give the rant bestie

oh my god okay so. in class the other day we were going over the chapter on ocd and one of my classmates had his presentation and it was very good, factually accurate, he mentioned different types of obsessions other than contamination, etc . and our professor is like Ok he did a good job but we'll go thru my slideshow to see if there's anything else to cover. and she lovesss group activities and discussions so much so she had us break into our small groups and talk abt how we'd help treat a person with ocd and there were three hypothetical people. there was maya who had obsessions around cleanliness, alex who had obsessions around harm ocd (specifically stabbing), and sera who had obsessions around fire. and me and my groupmate talked abt alex and he was very normal about it so i was like Okay. maybe the rest of the class will be normal about this

THE REST OF THE CLASS WAS NOT NORMAL ABOUT THIS. i literally wrote down word for word what this one girl said bc it pissed me off so bad . she said "he needs psychiatric help, maybe institutionalization, because what will happen if he picks up the knife?"

and my professor is one of those who's like There's no wrong answers but I THINK THERE ARE WRONG ANSWERS SOMETIMES ACTUALLY. AND THAT IS ONE OF THEM. and literally no one called it out so when i gave my answer i tried to as nicely and as un-passive-aggressively as possible make it very clear that This Hypothetical Guy Does Not Pose A Danger To His Loved Ones Actually. On Account Of That Is Not How Ocd Works.

AND NOT TO MENTION. in this hypothetical situation you ARE the psychiatric help. you're the hypothetical therapist..!!! like yes he does need help but not bc he's dangerous but because he's experiencing debilitating fear around the possibility of hurting others and it's impacting his life! he needs help not as a punishment but bc he deserves to live his life without the guilt & shame & fear that come along with ocd!!!

but it's so wild to me bc that was one of the biggest small groups in the class and everyone in the group is like..yknow the type, mental illness advocates until someone does something weird or god forbid strange. but like. they're usually very normal about stuff UNLESS it's something even slightly "scary" in which case they say stuff like, for instance, we should institutionalize people with intrusive thoughts. i've noticed it with that specific group multiple times and it's so frustrating like. are you even trying to understand people's experiences if u completely shut down at the idea of someone having a "scary" symptom. and even if he were dangerous. in this hypothetical situation, again, UR THE THERAPIST, SO IT IS UR JOB TO HELP HIM ???

also in that same class discussion- a guy from another group said the best way to help the hypothetical woman with obsessions around house fires was to put her in a fire safety course. brother that is just reassurance seeking and rumination and will probably make things so much worse actually! no amount of fire safety courses is going to help when the problem isn't the fire!!!

okay rant over i've been thinking about this for the past like. 35 hours straight. i hate neurotypical psych students so much it's unreal slash half joking 😭

[beevean]

"You're not even a little bit impressed?" "It's like a museum dedicated to the extermination of my people, so no. Not thrilled."

This scene gets pretty much no follow up, except I suppose to justify why Alucard is such an asshole to Trevor, but you know what? I think it deserves to be unpacked.

That is the skull of a vampire child there. We never see one of them on screen, so why was this detail included? Well, it paints the Belmonts as morally grey heroes. Alucard really, really hates the Belmont hold, he mocks the whole clan non stop and even calls them "mentally ill hoarders", and we're supposed to agree with him, because look! They collected skulls! They killed children! Poor Alucard feels sorry for "his people"!

Step by step.

A vampire child is, in this context, likely a child that was turned into a vampire. This is horrifying if you think about it for more than two seconds. Either vampire children in this universe are Twilight-style, poor kids perpetually stuck at the age they were turned, never allowed to grow up, only knowing a world of pain and perpetual thirst and violence; or they're IWTV-style, people who do mentally grow up and become adults, but are stuck in the body of a child and so they will forever be treated as such, feeling forever the disconnection between appearance and mind.

In short, killing them is a mercy. It's almost disrespectful to just... drop this part of lore, that vampires apparently are not above turning children, and never elaborate on that. Fucking Breaking Dawn had them as a pivotal plot point! How can you do something worse than that book?!

But no, we are meant to be horrified. We are meant to think that maybe the Belmonts were not pure heroes after all, because that's #deep, because goodness is for sissies. Combine this with everything I said about how poorly the whole clan is treated in the show, and it just keeps getting worse.

Then there's the asshole himself, Alucard.

"My people"? Really. Alucard, sweetie, you're not a vampire. You're a dhampir. You're an unique creature, half-and-half, with both heritages. From an adaptation standpoint, making Alucard side with his vampire heritage is missing the point as hard as turning Hector into a perpetual victim with no agency. Alucard in the games slept most of his life away because he believed his bloodline to be cursed. This may be even more OOC than his constant cuntness.

But that's not even the main issue. Are we... are we treating vampires like a whole different race that the Belmonts exterminated? I. I can't even begin to explain the issues with this.

They drink children's blood and turn them into hellish creatures. They enjoy slaughtering people, enslaving them at best, and seen prone to world conquering/destroying plans. And you're treating them as a race hunted down by oppressors? A race that has children whose death is framed as particularly gruesome? A race that we're supposed to sympathize with, against the main hero clan?

Oh boy. And then you remember the "cabal of vampires in control of the slave trade" stuff in Nocturne. yeah. uhm. someone didn't think things through.

This scene would make slightly more sense if vampires could reproduce with each other. In this sense, they would all be innocent, and vampire children wouldn't be tragic monsters. But it has never been established, and of course it doesn't make sense for undead creatures to be able to breed - dhampirs are supposed to be exceptional. However, you'll notice that the show treats vampires as if they were almost elves, a supernatural, superior species separated from humans, not humans turned into monsters (although lip service is paid when Carmilla questions why Lisa was never turned). Convert "vampires" to "elves", and suddenly everything clicks into place.

And all of this. All of this for one picture of a child skull that is completely irrelevant to the plot and lore.

I keep being amazed just by how deep the rabbit hole of terrible writing goes with this show.

[aftonfamilyvalues]

I am terrified if men.

I mean my father did everything to me but rape me. And he’d assert dominance over me /threaten me because he didn’t want other guys to sleep with me, date me, didn’t want me to get married, etc.

I’m no contact and he knows better than to contact me because if he does I’ll take legal action. My mom died and she was the one protecting him.

I seek therapy because I want to heal and am repeatedly invalidated about my trauma and about the reality that most men are abusive, sexual predators.

I’ve expressed that I’m sad I didn’t experience ge t romantic love..

Which is only to say that I’m all about separatism and even though I’m not dating men cause I’m traumatized by them, I have this regret over not having been able to explore a healthy sexuality, and a fear of missing out.

The last therapist I had was malicious/emotional abusive. Would read and be on the computer during sessions and deny doing it. Claimed I talked to much, (bad luck with this super narcissistic, very misogynistic old woman, grandmother /in her 60’s,) she ignored me /was very devaluing, then perked up “it can happen at any age!” She either thought I was lying or l exaggerating about being abused, or/and definitely not listening because I’ve never expressed wanting a bf or a husband, ever. Of course I did as a teenager/child. It’s honestly so demoralizing when even a therapist views you as inferior and like your being single is a problem and thinks you’re talking too much and attention seeking.

I’ve never not had a female therapist downplay or invalidate my trauma and male violence. I wish there were more feminist based pyschotherapists / bare minimum, therapists who do not project their family values Bullshit. I’ve never not have had a therapist view me as the problem to all my experiences. I’ve therapists judge me and treat me as subhuman for being childfree and single.

I def need therapy as I’m so traumatized that I’m scared to sleep and not sleeping anymore and it’s impacting my health. I also can’t regulate my emotions well and I’m a fearful avoidant with ptsd, some folks say therapist isn’t necessary because most are bad. I’d honestly argue most therapists have very misogynistic beliefs…

Is there any way to ver that out. I get so gaslight I lost my sense of self/ I’ve had to recover from bad therapy but once out of therapy I start feeling less crazy… I do we’ll months on my own without talking to someone but then need therapi.

I’m legitimently scared of them at this point. I did give my last therapist feed back about her behavior, when I told her “I’m a person, and I don’t deserve this treatment” and then responded with “I don’t believe you” she raged and yelled at me, blaming me for her being distracted, telling me I talked too much.

I’m started to lose hope however that there are therapists who recognize patriarchy and oppression as a root cause to mental illness, rather than a partner as a cure for mental illness 🙄without claiming I’m the problem when I’m the one showing up to therapy for what happened to me. Therapists all just think their patients are mentally I’ll crazy women who can’t get a man. I feel insane when I go to therapy. Because I’m terrified of men and the focus is never on me as an individual, but (I shit you not, and tbh I even told her she was giving me harmful advice,) but tk shift the focus on my “distortion” of why I think I “can’t have that now.”

(I actually believe there are good therapists in just scared to open up now /be devalued/have a therapist not even treat seperatism as viable or even suggest it to me as an option. I don’t need a therapist to suggest it to me but I’d trust one much better who did. It sucks leaving a therapy session feeling worse because you don’t feel good enough.)

I really think most therapists are sexists because they have male bias

i think ive mentioned it before but therapy is more of a business nowadays. all these therapists arent people that actually want to help, very few of them do, most of them saw a growing industry and decided they could bank on it. they dont care to help and heal, they view therapy as a way to make someone (women) "normal" and fit in to society rather than working through trauma and have a healthy life, even if that life isnt the typical one. ive also seen a lot of therapists feed into bad behavior, validating the emotions and victim complexes of abusers all while teaching them a new progressive language to wield against their victims. i still think about how my friend went to therapy and the entire time going culminated into the conclusion of "your life sucks and theres nothing you can do about it" like what???? it seems like traumatized people come out of these sessions worse and i have no doubt that abusers are going into this field to extend their reach. i feel like the more people glamorize therapy the more this is going to happen.

[toastyliltoasts]

Im so done with life.

First of all, Shelby needs all the support she deserves. No one should have to go through that and its absolute shit she had to. Now, I've never watched her streams but she genuinely seems like a nice person. She didnt deserve to be treated like how she was. I dont think I would've ever considered biting as physical abuse until she explained how fucked up that was.

Someone close to me has been subjected to horrible financial abuse, where they would have to pay for every single thing whether it's for them or the person forcing them to buy it. So I know, as a bystander, how awful that is, being treated like a personal atm machine or atleast know how frustrating it is to see it. It hurts to see how their entire being, to the abuser, is nothing but a vessel earning money to be spent on things non beneficial to them. Shelby, or anyone in that fact, should never be treated as such.

And its seriously messed up how people try their absolute hardest to find who the abuser is, rather than supporting Shelby through this and giving her the praise she deserves for standing up for herself and being brave enough to open up about this. Abuse is not something easy to talk about when you've experienced it.

Secondly, without further evidence, its not right to point fingers. Yes, Wilbur bites a lot and yes, he has rat infestation and mold in his household. He could be the said abuser and there's every chance he's being absolutely wrongly accused and Twitter, as it always has been, is incorrect and complete shit. So without defending Wilbur or accusing him, it'd be best to stay neutral on the whole topic until further confirmation.

This isnt about me, or us as a whole, but that man helped me through a lot. He's been a huge support through the shitty quality of a screen. So thinking about how it could be him makes me sick to my stomach. But wrongly accusing him of things he's been possibly framed for is equally, if not more, sickening. He has faced shitty mental health and is now on break for the same damn reason. He's said multiple times before that he was an awful person and he's trying to better himself. And accusing him of such horrid acts, whether he has done them or not, is not gonna change anything. Give everyone some time, they need it.

Until actual confirmation, Shelby needs genuine support, however much she may need. And I will not stop writing for Wilbur until it is actually confirmed, not just accusations but solid confirmation, because he is a huge comfort for me and a lot of other people. Go support Shelby because of her courage and stop making a person with poor mental health be more mentally ill. Im not one to use tags so people can see my posts unless its an actual fic but I think this needs to be, even in the slightest bit, heard because you all are making everyone and everything worse.

[sudenlehto]

"You can't please everyone" is such a difficult concept to me. What do you mean I'm supposed to be at peace not being able to keep every friendship I create, or be liked or understood by everyone I meet?

Obviously it's true that it's impossible.

But how am I supposed to not feel like a complete failure of a person if I couldn't avoid someone misrepresenting my intentions or opinions negatively and offensively as fuck or projecting whatever shitty mood they had on me? That sometimes you just choosing to be honest about your own values will make you completely incompatible with even a friend you valued a lot?

That it isn't enough that I try my best to consider everyone's perspective while also sticking to my values, that I try my best to be a decent person...?

I can actually just be hated and mistreated because to someone my values (like being against calling people with certain mental illnesses subhuman monsters who only exist to prey on others, oh what a horrible thing to believe!) are that bad?

I can actually just get shit because someone learned the history of my country from those who have killed my people for centuries and believes absolutely horrific false shit about us, believing I on some level deserve to take shit just for existing...? All this in the kind of a world where it's realistic of me to speculate how many years it takes that one day I kill myself in my apartment to not end up in hands of enemy soldiers, - that is - if a missile doesn't bury me in rubble or char me to ashes first?? Because of this being a possible scenario during my lifetime, most people from certain countries should fully shut up about mine or I will break their bones into thousands of little chips.

I can actually just get shit because someone decided that everything I say has the worst possible implications??

I can actually just get shit because someone smears me out of jealousy or to control whom their social circle mingles with, that I'm a convenient ugly outsider whose inferiority is a nice bonding activity to you and your friends?

I can actually just get shit because I felt too bad for you to give you a piece of my mind whenever you took your bad day on me, and this is why I apparently deserve everything you do to me..? And if I do give you a piece of my mind, it's all excuses and guilt-trips from you, and I'm the one apologizing?

I can actually just get shit no matter how I try to live up to my values, while also trying to be fair and well liked by everyone...?

I can not control if I am hated, sometimes I don't even have to do anything to be hated and at other times the choices aligned with my personal integrity and values are what makes someone hate me?

Sometimes I'm just so bitter.

People blame themselves for things we had no control over, because we believe we can control how we eventually get treated by others.

This leads to us trying to do the impossible, to be liked by everyone. Even though so many people are utter scum (not unlike yourself who are also judgemental and prejudiced) and all it takes is for you to take a breathe to start taking shit from someone again.

Sometimes you get blamed so badly for standing up for yourself that it'll be you who gets smeared and who loses everything because a bigot or an abuser played the victim so fucking hard when you gave them your real opinion of them.

Think of Ann Vondra, or any other person who didn't really have to do anything wrong. They were surrounded by a whole circle of abusers who wanted a scapegoat. Their life was changed for the worse, forever, they lost their dreams only because of an abuser. I grieve for this stranger so deeply. All their abuser needed was some bad optics, their harmless art that is "gross", to get people be against Vondra.

Any of us can become Ann, and that terrifies me. Nowhere is safe and no amount of trying to be a good person even protects you, because that doesn't protect you from people who just want to go hurt someone for whatever reason. They only need one superficially good-looking excuse, especially if it's easy to make people scared of defending you with it.

Or, for example you can be gay, somewhere where everyone hates gay people, or is too afraid to claim otherwise, - and are the only person you know who understands the truth about being gay. Maybe people in your community are full of otherwise kind people, but when you stand up for gay people, or worse, are the gay you're defending, - and these people aren't ready to hear it, - they cannibalize you.

Even people who most of the time are good company for chatter, helpful, stood with you through difficulties etc., can deeply believe in cultural stigmas against something you are, and either disown you or abuse you for it. In modern day many mental conditions still get this treatment.

I'm exhausted because I can not prevent these things. That I can deeply like and adore someone only to find out they believe I'm literally somehow subhuman or disgusting for some aspect of my identity etc. The constant isolation and heartbreak!

I feel that being non-allohet and autADHD are quite okay-accepted about me. The latter used to mark you as subhuman and as an undesirable outsider where I grew up, so I've had to heal that trauma though.

Being trans and multigender has never been accepted very well, and I've had to fight for it so much and I get new disappointments with it consistently. I've received the worst personal abuse IRL and URL alike for being trans. Even so called proggressive people who are often even trans themselves can be complete shit to you for it.

Even worse are my stigmatized mental conditions, one of which I can never disclose anywhere because the misunderstanding of said condition could get me murdered or just turn my life into Hell, so I'd never feel safe anywhere again. It's always the bottom of the barrel anyone ever even considers or cares about.

Yeah, being a gross CSA survivor with OCD and fetishes that connect to those experiences and have helped me heal, marks me as "deserves to die" to so many people I sometimes want to kill myself. I have to protect this pain at all costs and fear how many people who care about me, would love ruining my life if they knew. I'm not hurting anyone with how I cope in my imagination but it doesn't matter because you want to murder me. You want your badge for killing "monsters", and I am the monster.

I have hard time sympathizing with people who are convinced of their own harmlessness based on their identity. Yes, I've had to unpack these brainworms too, like being a person with well developed cognitive empathy making me ableist to people who aren't. etc. Everyone has to put in this work.

But it's these do-gooder-boos who think them being of a feminine gender or an "empath" or "not the gross fetish haver" etc. makes them inherently more ideologically pure and good, so they just consider themselves the victim when they hurt someone with "bad" identities and get any shit back for it. I hate being the one with bad optics here because I can not win if you want to hurt me. People will choose you over me no matter what because my anger is "scary" and the type of trans I am makes it worse.

I've had to accept I can't get justice.

And that no matter what I do or don't do, sometimes people are just going to abuse, bully, ostracize or smear someone. Sometimes that choice am me. I can't do anything about it.

My 12yo facet and former host still hasn't fully come to terms with what this world did to her. I have to carry this child within me and somehow explain to her. It breaks my heart because she is not ready to accept it. Her reaction is desperate anger and disbelief and she isn't happy about who we are today, because she still feels our dreams and life were taken from us. She hates our life and she hates me sometimes. Because I represent existential horror to her, not the dreams she had.

....

My solution is that as long as possible, I must give myself the protection, kindness and dignity no one else can quarantee the way I can.

In a world of barking dogs and bitches who are looking to pick a fight, you just have to know most of those battles are a waste of time.

"Petty justice" isn't worth the effort and brings more bullshit your way because somehow a lot of those barking dogs and bitches with their nippy mouths don't understand that you biting back means they are supposed to shut the fuck up and go fuck themselves.

No, those badly behaved dogs and bitches won't usually understand their own place in that equasion. They go cry about it and bring more and you find, you're in big trouble. The story ends with you taking the blame for "starting shit". Nobody believes you, of course, because everybody thinks Fluffy is so cute and precious.

Fuck Fluffy and Fluffy's friends, but you don't need to let them know you hate them. Just go to your sanctuary, go eat a pigeon on a rooftop to watch the sun rise, and enjoy it with a company that isn't poorly behaved bitches and dogs.

This way you get to have some decent time on this Earth, put away all the fighting and just... Actually thrive and flourish someplace where you can even forget about bullshit.

[get-shit-onlol]

@snowy-wife

Hey.

I would be a lot more careful if I were you in speaking about us— because we have held our tongues for the last two months about you for the sake of keeping peace. But you obviously have not been able to get us out of your head since your meltdown, so let’s talk. I would read until the very end if I were you.

Let's start by stating the obvious: you are deeply disturbed. It’s evident by a quick scroll through your blog that you suffer from a multitude of mental ailments that contribute to your low impulse control and lack of self-awareness. You are fat; you post openly about not keeping up with your hygiene, you have lip piercings, you write about your desire to harm and kill animals, you take to substances and blades when you’re upset, you are incoherent, you live in a disgusting house— more could be said, but the overarching theme stands. You are the essence of low quality, the absolute bottom of the barrel. And you think Eric and Dylan are in love with YOU?

You are in no place to speak about either of us, or anyone else in the world for that matter. You are fucking scum. Low IQ, deluded, extremely mentally ill scum. We pity you in all honesty, you must have endured a lot as a child to have turned out so unbelievably backward. But you don’t deserve any sort of empathy, especially after your repeated posts about us since July, and the gall to insult our looks today, but failing by calling us “imbreded”, a terrible attempt at saying we look “inbred”. The jokes write themselves. You’re one to speak considering the things I’ve listed above. I can guarantee, in any and every world, we look better than you on our worst day than you do on your best. That’s precisely why you won’t show your face, you are fucking hideous, and you know it. Showing a picture of yourself would erode any tiny shred of your credibility left concerning Eric and Dylan.

You say that you respect the dead more than the living, and pride yourself on your spirituality and your “ability to connect with the other side”, yet you talk about Eric and Dylan in the vilest ways that nobody should ever be spoken about, dead or alive. You live in a fantasy realm that has nothing to do with love. You claim that nobody could ever “love” them the way that you do, yet you dehumanize them every time you talk about them— speaking of them in a way that is only reflective of a horny, depraved girl who doesn’t have anyone else to project these feelings onto, because she can’t find someone to have sex with her. It’s understandable that you being overweight and not taking care of yourself repels potential love interests, but throwing all of your feelings onto two dead boys isn’t an acceptable coping mechanism, along with berating two girls who love them inside and out. Do you think Eric and Dylan would choose a girl who only wants to own both of them as sex slaves, or would they choose two beautiful girls who have never spoken of them in a way that wasn’t pure love? You couldn’t write for Dylan without oversexualizing him in his birthday post, writing disgusting paragraphs about BDSM you want to do with him— a dead 17-year-old boy. You’ve even gone as far as to say the ONLY reason you WASH YOUR FEET is for him; you call Eric your “meatbag” and your “submissive little bitch”. How can you love someone yet speak of them as if they’re nothing but a fucktoy? These two boys died by suicide because they were treated so horribly in their lives, just for someone like you to come onto this earth and drag them through the mud more even after death. It’s more than unfair that they suffered such torment in life, and even after death, they’re disrespected and shit on relentlessly by some lunatic like you. The men that are our angels are spoken about so fucking nauseatingly by you. It’s worse than hate. It’s complete dehumanization, the furthest thing in the world from love.

Beyond how you talk about them in such a stomach-churning way, what discredits you so much is your claim that you are “posthumously married” to both of them, yet you post incessantly about wanting to fuck or date a new person every day— and there is no possible way that you can accommodate to both of their needs with one personality and one physical appearance, on top of their intricacies such as astrological charts, upbringings, values— the list continues. Eric and Dylan are both vastly different individuals with different preferences in women. You are not two people, only one. You are by no means perfect for either of them, not even a close fit for their souls. That aside, they would not share the same woman beyond the grave with so many other options available, their perfect counterparts in front of them in every realm; emotionally, mentally, spiritually, romantically— and the two of us as best friends.

The friends you make and keep are those who are barely teenagers, if that, because they are young enough to be tricked by your false claims about metaphysics. You are a combination of things, and none of them positive— a liar, a sore loser, and clearly amid some mental health crisis that creates your false belief about BOTH of the Columbine shooters falling at your feet, struck by love. They are not touching you, they are not fucking you, they are not sitting on your bed and cuddling you to sleep at night. If you had the slightest clue about metaphysics, you’d understand that it takes regular spirits so much energy to do such a slight thing to show their presence, which is a unanimous agreement amongst people who have lost their loved ones and legitimate mediums.

The only time that people are so adamant about their unwavering belief in something not reflected by reality is when experiencing schizophrenia or psychosis. Your entire shtick is built on lies, fantasies you live out in your head, and some inconclusive illness that causes extreme delusions, whether you want to close your eyes and pretend or not. Your sheer resistance to exploring the fact that this is a problem created by your sick mind says everything about who you are. Even with an abundance of proof in front of you from two girls who are worlds better than you, you still fall asleep at night thinking you are undeniably the little princess of both of the Columbine shooters. You know who you are; you are a repulsive, pathetic excuse for a human being. Something they would never touch. You can cry, scream, bitch, and moan all you want— but you will never have what we have. Divinity placed us in the hands of Eric and Dylan. Take it to your candles and your sage, your shadow figures that prance around your room. This is something that can never be changed.

You need a doctor, a visit to the psychiatric hospital for a long time, and a heavy cocktail of antipsychotics, but that won’t fix all of your issues. I hope you sleep well surrounded by the mimic spirits you’ve invited in that prey on your vulnerability. It’s like watching a naive young girl in her tankini trying to seduce the attractive, teenage lifeguard at a hotel pool. You think you’re irresistible, hot fucking shit when no one wants to touch you. It serves you well, you’re such a nasty person inside and out, and you’re only deserving of bad energies you’ve named “Eric” and “Dylan” who are preying on how sick and sad you are. We were given handcrafted love by the universe, set for us long before the boys were ever born. Your “spirituality” is manufactured, and it won’t change a damn thing.

I implore you to stare at yourself in the mirror for a long while and pick out all of the things, mind and body, that Eric and Dylan would despise about you, which would be nearly everything if they even knew who you were. Know your place. You are worlds different from us; you cannot compete with your negative entities, while we have them both. So let me reiterate myself again: Dylan will not love you. Eric will not love you.

Before you start spam posting your account about your desire to murder both of us, know how stupid you are to have left a good enough paper trail of your personal information. Some things have been gathered from today after we were notified about your post, and other things sent to us by someone you have considered your friend. Be careful who you trust. We have no problem upscaling this to a legal issue if you can’t control your tantrums, and we know exactly where to take it.

— Eric’s Wife + Dylan’s Wife