#no meme is too old for Jeffrey

[jeff-the-landshark]

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Fun and Games

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.5k

Warnings: fluff

Request by anon: Hey can i request something with Jensen Ackles, where the reader is Jeffrey daughter and Jensen wife and the fans asks Jeffrey who he find out about her daughter dating Jensen? Something fluff with funny between them

Summary: Your husband brings you along to one of his panels with your dad, and you make the mistake of telling the fans a prank you pulled on your dad. He has some stories of you, too, and everything comes to light right then and there.

Square Filled: locked in a playground (2020) for @spnfluffbingo

Author’s Note: i appreciate any and all comments! <3

x

“Why’d you have to drag me out to this thing? I could have been sitting at home in the bath reading my book,” you say to your husband.

Jensen wraps his arms around your waist and slides his hands to your ass, squeezing your cheeks before sliding his hands into your back pockets.

“What do you mean? You love coming with me to these things.” These things being conventions with thousands of screaming fans for all kinds of fandoms. You love going with him but you kind of wish you could be at home right now. “I’ll tell you what. If you endure the next seven hours with me here, I’ll give you a massage when we get home.”

“A real one?” you grin.

“Oil and all.”

“Will you be naked?”

“Is there any other way?” he chuckles.

“I love you.”

“You stole the words right out of my mouth.”

Jensen leans down and molds his lips against your own. Being married to him is the best thing you could have ever done. There is never a dull moment in the Ackles house. The door to the break room opens and you pull away from your husband. Your dad, Jeffrey, steps inside to steal a quick snack.

“Come on, kids. We’re on,” he grins mischievously.

“What are you up to?” you narrow your eyes at him.

“Nothing. I have a feeling this panel is about to be a good one.”

Your dad leaves and you take a deep breath in to calm yourself.

“He’s gonna tell the story again, isn’t he?”

“Probably,” Jensen shrugs.

“He’s told everyone he knows about that damn story but never to an audience. I better not see a bunch of memes tomorrow about it.”

“Knowing the fans, probably. Stay off social media for the next week,” he laughs and walks out.

“It’s not funny! Jensen!”

You follow your husband to where your dad is, and all three of you step on stage to greet all the fans who came to watch your panel. They cheer when they see you, and you take a microphone from one of the crew members. You’re not an actor, in fact, you’re far from it. However, you love the community Supernatural fans have created, and love going to these things with Jensen and Jared.

After greetings are done, Jensen and your dad get into the groove of things. They thank people for coming out here, yada, yada, yada. This panel is very inclusive so a lot of fans have questions about upcoming episodes, your lives behind the scenes, and just funny stories of things that have happened to you. No question is off the table so you prepare yourself for whatever comes.

“This question is for Y/N,” a fan asks once the questioning portion of the panel starts.

“Hi, what’s your name?”

“Jessica.”

“Lovely name! I like your hat!”

“Okay, let the girl get to her questions,” Jensen jokes.

“I’m just giving her a compliment. Calm down, old man.” A round of laughter rolls out. “Go ahead, Jessica.”

“I know you were an extra in this last season in a few scenes. My question is, what’s been one of the funniest moments you remember from filming?”

“Oh, that’s a good question,” you grin. You’re not an actor, but you’ve been in a few scenes as a bystander when needed. Jensen loves taking you on set so you can watch, so even if you’re not filming, you’re there to witness their shenanigans. “Okay, you guys remember the episode where my dad guest stared? John Winchester comes back for an episode?”

A round of cheers lets you know they know exactly what you’re talking about.

“You’re really going to tell this story?” your dad asks you.

“I’m telling the story,” you grin. “I’m not sure this is going to make it on the blooper reel or not, but remember the part when Sam was going to crush that small white rock to get rid of John and send him back to the past? Well, we were all super serious and everyone is so in character. Emotions are high and we’re doing our best not to cry. Well, when Jared went to crush the rock, it didn’t shatter as we hoped. Instead, it flew off the table and hit my dad right in the crotch. I swear it was the funniest thing I have ever seen. Jensen, Jared, and I were on the floor in tears.”

“It took us a while to get back into character, but that was a nice break from character,” Jensen grins.

“Oh! I got another story!”

“Really? Another one?” your dad asks.

“So, this was when I was visiting Jen on set but I wanted to pull a prank on my dad since he was coming in that week to film that same episode.”

“Why are you telling them this story?” your dad groans.

“Shh, they’re gonna love it. So, I worked with the director to get him in on this prank. He gave me access to his work email that I then used to send my dad an email regarding the dress code at work.”

You can’t contain your giggles at this point.

“Keep it up, Y/N,” your dad nods.

“Shh! I told him it was dress-as-a-clown-to-work day. Everyone was going to be in costume and we were going to surprise one of the makeup artists since it was her birthday. He believed me.” Everyone starts laughing at what’s to come. “When he showed up that morning in the funkiest clown costume set with the red nose, the rainbow hair, and the big ol’ clown feet, we all died laughing. I even got a video,” you smirk.

Before your dad can protest, you had one of the crew members put it up on the screen behind you so everyone can see. Your dad walks in wearing the clown suit and realization rolls over his face when he knows you set him up. Everyone in the audience is laughing while your dad is smirking at you. You’re not paying attention to him to notice it otherwise you would have turned it off.

“Yeah, so that was a fun day on set.” The video ends. “The best part is, we kept him in that suit all day.”

“You think that’s funny?” your dad asks. Jensen can’t contain his laughter but tries to cover it with a cough. “You wanna go there? Fine. It’s my turn to tell a story.”

“Wait, Dad--”

“No, no, no, you had your fun. It’s my turn now.”

“You’re going to drag me down with her?” Jensen asks.

“You bet your ass.” 

You get up to jog off stage when your husband grabs your arm and yanks you back into him.

“Nope. If I have to sit here and endure this, so are you.”

“So, would you all like to know how I knew my daughter was dating Jensen?” Everyone cheers to let him know they are interested. “This was back when I was a regular on the show. Y/N had come on set a few times and was getting friendly with Jensen. I thought nothing of it until one day when I was sitting at home minding my own business.

“I get a call from Y/N where she tells me not to ask any questions and to meet her. I figure she’s in some kind of trouble so I tell her to send me the address and I’m on my way. When she does, I get my beloved baseball bat just in case I need to beat someone’s ass. I rush over to where she is thinking she was at a bar, a friend’s house, whatever. I did not expect to pull up to a child’s playground.

“Still, I’m in protective dad mode. I hear her calling my name so I run over to where she is and stop dead in my tracks. In the child’s castle-dome thing is my daughter, on top of Jensen, naked, stuck in the arch. I mean, I’ve been a little adventurous in my day, but a child’s playground? Seriously?”

“God,” you scoff and shove your face into your husband’s neck.

“Did you call for help?” someone in the audience asks.

“Yeah after about ten minutes of laughing my ass off.”

“Okay,” you say into your mic and pull away from Jensen, “in my defense, that opening looked wider than I thought.” Your dad laughs loudly but you turn to him with a glare. “Don’t start this game with me. I know some shut about you. Better stop now before I tell them about how you mistook some young lady as mom and almost gotten the shit beaten out of you.”

A round of “oohs” sound off, and your dad puts both hands up in defense.

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop.”

That incident happened nearly thirteen years ago so you can laugh about it now. You don’t care if people know because it is a funny story. You’re just glad to have stories like that to share. It’s all fun and games, but at the end of the day, you’re surrounded by love.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[jo-harrington]

Corroded Coffin Fest - Day 16 - Struggling

Summary: Corroded Coffin gets an unconventional gig that might make them some good cash.

Word Count: 901

Rating: T

Warnings/Themes: Modern!Corroded Coffin, Older!Corrded Coffin, memes, friendship, bickering and banter, pop culture/social media reference (link at the end of the fic)

Check Out the Main Post for @corrodedcoffinfest here! Even if you didn’t start on Day 1, you can still join!

Tagging: @the-unforgivenn at her request. And @dr-aculaaa and @br0ck-eddie because I'm sorry yall are gonna get a kick out of this one.

You can find my masterlist here.

Please do not interact if you are not 18+.

Enjoy!

"I hate this."

"My shoes are too tight."

"We look ridiculous."

"I think," Eddie raised his voice so he could stop his friends bitching. "I think we look like a band that's about to be $500 richer."

"So we're just gonna be a band with $500?" Gareth asked, sneakily giving Jeff a high-five as Eddie grumbled at the joke.

Success was hard. Fame was hard. Even harder still when you needed money for things like rent and gas and food.

Not like those things were free when they were still in Hawkins, it was just harder now.

And they were a bunch of 20-somethings up against the whole world, and not just a handful of mediocre bands in their neck of the woods in middle-of-nowhere Indiana.

They were too young to have made it big on Youtube--not that they hadn't tried when they were still in high school--and too old to really understand how to make it big on tiktok.

They'd tried the flossing and the dances...it was just not them.

So random gigs it was; struggling to make ends meet, struggling to make it big.

Until they found something that was an unexpected money maker.

Who knew a comment on a video of them harmonizing with some vocal warm ups would lead to this.

Polished shoes, matching pants that they all had thanks to serving jobs, matching vests they got at some department store closing sale, and the piece de resistance that they actually paid a pretty penny for..straw hats.

Yes, their badass metal band moonlit as a barbershop quartet.

Weddings, anniversary parties, and birthday parties for half-awake octogenarians were their bread and butter. Cash in hand, maybe a little cake, it was great.

They got the loudest applause when they did songs like Let Me Call You Sweetheart and Down By The Old Mill Stream, ones they'd all thankfully learned in 8th grade choir. But sometimes happy couples requested something special, and so they began to spend just as much time practicing their a cappella covers as they did their original songs.

They all knew that they needed to put their pride behind them if they wanted to keep the lights on.

"It'll happen for us one day," they all agreed. "Just gotta wait for that first big opportunity and then we take it."

And of course, that opportunity presented itself as a Battle of the Bands at the Illinois State Fair.

It would be great for them. Big crowd, lots of cameras, and great exposure even if they didn't win.

They just needed the entry fee.

Which is why they were currently standing amidst a veritable sea of people backstage at yet another competition...ready to prove their place as the best barbershop quartet in the county.

So they could prove they were the best band in the state.

"What if we picked the wrong song?" Gareth stopped biting at his fingernails to ask. "I'm sure everyone else is going with something more traditional."

"Which means the judges will have heard those songs a million times before," Eddie argued.

"Originality is not a big part of the score Ed," Jeff reminded him. He thought it over for a second. "I don't think anyone's even gonna recognize our song."

"Then you don't have to sing and we'll just be a trio Jeffrey."

"Listen, I think it's gonna work," Dave interjected in a moment of uncharacteristic positivity. "And we're gonna win."

"That's the spirit," Eddie grinned and clapped his friend on the back.

"Or else we're gonna have to fake our deaths and change our names because we'll be the laughing stock of the metal community."

So much for a vote of confidence.

"The Four Horseman?" one of the event coordinators called to the groups backstage. "You guys are up."

The four of them tensed up.

"Alright, it's now or never," Eddie nodded, swallowing down a sudden bout of nerves.

They all popped their straw hats onto their heads and followed the coordinator out onto the stage. The four of them hummed together to harmonize and then Eddie stepped forward to introduce them.

He stammered through their introduction, almost as if he'd never been on stage before, and he kicked himself.

He was a performer, goddamn it. This was his destiny, their destiny.

And destiny was riding on this moment.

"We're the Four Horseman...and we're guys, so we--"

"Keep a little dirt under the pillow for the dirtman."

Jeff and Gareth fell into song with him, with Dave providing the bass.

"Dim-ba-dim-dim, dim-ba-dim dim."

"In case he comes to town."

The judges all looked a little shocked, but then they glanced around and smiled at each other.

"Keep a little dirt under my pillow for the dirtman."

"Dim-ba-dim-dim, bang bang dim."

"So he won't take me down."

By this verse the four of them had really gotten into the groove of their performance, singing and skatting and harmonizing beautifully. They even threw a little sway into their bodies, knowing that it wouldn't do to stand as still as statues for such a lively tune.

And by the end all four of them ended in sync--

"That's where he keeps his dirt bop-bah-dah-bop."

--and they earned themselves a standing ovation. Not just from the judges but also thunderous applause from the other quartets in the wings of the stage as well.

And $500.

Who knew that tiktok thing would work out after all...

[cherry-cristal]

Would the Survivors recognize Nicolas Cage?

So, I’m gonna put if the survivors gonna recognize Nic when he finally arrives to this hell

SURVIVORS / KILLLERS

YES/NO (if yes) Would they gush about it?

Dwight Fairfield: YES/NO | Dwight is you average white guy with average taste so of course he knows who’s Nicolas Cage is. He gushed, but not too much, from shyness and politeness.

Meg Thomas: YES/NO | She looks like she watches shitty movies with her mom whenever possible, so of course she knows who he is! She gushws, so much, like, she’s 10/10 an extrovert she made him sign so much leaves.

Claudette Morel: YES/NO | She knows who he is, has watch like, 2 and a half of his movies and knows more about his memes than him.

Jake Park: YES/NO | He knows who he is, but not being a huge movie person he doesn’t really care.

Nea Karlsson: YES/NO | She’s from 2021, she was a young delinquent and passed more on the streets that in front of a screen so she knows but she couldn’t give more of a fuck.

Laurie Strode: YES/NO | Her nightmare began in 1978, and the next few years because of her brother she could keep up with media.

Ace Visconti: YES/NO | HE KNOWS HIM and he knows how to fake his sign, he had got sooo much money with that scam! He of course asked for his autograph!

William "Bill" Overbeck: YES/NO | He was a veteran, bitter about the civy life, he heard his name once or twice but don’t really know him.

Feng Min: YES/NO | SHE RAN A FORUM FULL OF HIS MEMES! She was fan of his shitpost and asked him to reenact so much of her favorite dialogues!

David King: YES/NO | He knows who he is, has seen a few of his movies but doesn’t really care, so when he sees him he was like ‘yooo, no even celebrities are safe from this shithole’ and that’s all.

Quentin Smith: YES/NO | He knew the memes (the old ones) but after everything with Freddy and now being in the Entity realm he forgot about him.

Detective David Tapp: YES/NO | He saw like, two of his movies and that was all, his ex-wife was a fan but he doesn't really paid attention to mainstream media being a workaholic and all.

Kate Denson: YES/NO | She’s from the 60′ I don’t think Nic Cage was even born. 

Adam Francis: YES/NO | He actually learn about him when the Nicolastick became famous in Japan, but nothing more.

Jeffrey "Jeff" Johansen: YES/NO | He watched a lot of his movies when he was around 18 or 19, and even if he’s not as much as a fan now he still gushed a little about him.

Jane Romero: YES/NO | SHE had meet him before, even drink with him, but since their circles weren't really comparable, they didn't keep contact, she welcomed him not differently from whoever else falls in this nightmare.

Ashley J. Williams: YES/NO | Everything went to shit in 1982 for him, jumping from age to age and trauma to trauma he doesn’t even know what year he was taken from.

Nancy Wheeler/Steve Harrington:  YES/NO | Being from the 80′s, and with all that went on with Eleven and the kids, they don’t know who he is.

Yui Kimura: YES/NO | She knows him because Hiro (her bff) is a fan of his movies and camped with him outside a store when they announced the Nicolasticks, she almost cried when she saw him because she was reminded of Hiro and how he was when she dissapeared and really couldn’t face him in a while.

Zarina Kassir: YES/NO | She know he exist, maybe saw... one? Two movies? But she’s not interested in fiction movies and being a workaholic didn’t let her much time to care about celebrities.

Cheryl Mason: YES/NO | Nope, no idea, no having time for teenhood and all that “vessel of a god and Silent Hill stuff” didn't give her much time to kept up with celebrities.

Felix Richter: YES/NO | He knows him, his tailor once told him they tailored a suit for him, but that’s all to be honest.

Élodie Rakoto: YES/NO | Knows, doesn’t care, she’s too busy trying to save her parents thank you very mucho.

Yun-Jin Lee: YES/NO | She knows who he is, doesn't really caring BUT since Ji-Woon was SO OBSESSED WITH HIM she actually tries to avoid him... And everyone else to be honest.

Jill Valentine: YES/NO | Even if Nic’s career started to be noticed in the 90′s she didn't have time to go to the cinema so maybe heard about him from strangers in the streets, but that’s all.

Leon Scott Kennedy: YES/NO | Goody-two-shoes freshly outa school rookie cop Leon sure didn’t have time (or actually care) about the upcoming actors.

Mikaela Reid: YES/NO | SHE KNOWS HIM, she went to a couple of comic cons to meet him and has an autograph from him, she gushes so much and actually gets hurt when he told her he didn't remember her.

Jonah Vasquez: YES/NO | His movies were what keeps him sane whenever he had a little bit of time for himself, he binge watched every-single-one, with beer and stale nachos.

Yoichi Asakawa: YES/NO | He has seen a couple of movies and were there when almost all of his student were late to class because they camped to try to buy a Nicolastick.

Haddie Kaur: YES/NO |Knows about him, has seen a couple of movies, knows a few memes, but that’s all, she’s busy, ok? That doesn't mean she didn't ask for an autograph...

Ada Wong: YES/NO |  Nope, Nicolas what? No idea, doesn’t care, doesn’t matter.

Rebecca Chambers: YES/NO | Even if she doesn't know who he is, she gushes about meeting a celebrity, especially the Entity’s Realm!

Vittorio Toscano: YES/NO | Dude’s older that dust, he doesn’t know what a photograph is.

Thalita Lyra: YES/NO | Knows him, watched movies with his brother and actually really likes one of his memes, asks for an autograph for her brother (but it’s actually for her)

Renato Lyra: YES/NO | Has watched every single one of his movies in an “ironic” way, actually likes a lot of them and stuttered welcoming him.

Gabriel Soma: YES/NO | Dude’s from 2098 after a war that made humans go to outer space, I don’t think he even knows what a movie is.

[ao3feed-hannor]

Delete A Lawyer

read it on the AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/41960745 by Mandirus And Hank... He remembered that old meme from back in the day. The one where it was suggested to delete Facebook (which he never used), hit the gym (he needed to one for his physical therapy), and lawyer up (fuck lawyers). As a young man he'd grinned at the stupidity of other users mixing the the order of the words back then. The painkillers he was on in the hospital made him laugh to himself about it, when Jeffrey suggested he get representation. (Jeff came by later when Hank wasn't so looped to have a more serious conversation.) Because most of the time he'd be happy to hit or even delete the lawyer. The majority were self-absorbed pricks who made Hank's life entirely too difficult when he was asked to testify in court.  Still, he couldn't hope to accomplish what he'd wish to do by himself. So, he hired a lawyer. Made sure the guy kicked up a fuss about what happened. Words: , Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game) Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: M/M Characters: Hank Anderson, Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Cole Anderson, Sumo (Detroit: Become Human) Relationships: Hank Anderson/Connor Additional Tags: Pre-Android Revolution (Detroit: Become Human), Alive Cole Anderson, Disabled Character, Hank Anderson is a Good Dad, Good Dog Sumo (Detroit: Become Human), Eventual Smut, Fluff, Domestic Bliss, Slice of Life, Kid Fic, Canon-typical language, Strangers to Lovers, Slow Burn, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, no beta we die like men read it on the AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/41960745

[tg-headcanons]

Imagine ghoul bands. Ghouls fashion trends. Ghoul sports that use their kagune .ghoul holidays , human ghouls relationship dynamics, Ghoul biology class, ghoul history museum, ghoul memes, ghoul celebrities

More ghoul culture!

Ghouls have invented and popularized very specific trends in fashion. They invented backless dresses and crop tops as a way to stop having to replace countless shirts from kagune shredding, though it’s considered quite scandalous to show of one’s kakuhou so they often wear jackets or cloaks over them. Other things like sunglasses and face masks took off since it made ghouls who’s identities are known less recognizable.

Children will be encouraged to use their kagune in games to teach coordination. There’s one that’s like a mix of basketball and soccer in which they try to hit a ball into an opposing goal using only their kagune, which often leads to many kids fighting over whether or not it’s fair for the ones with extra tendrils to use them

There are those who try to preserve their history. Masks or quinque from prominent ghouls, photos and videos, old art from cultures that coexisted with them depicting ghouls in positive light and much more are collected by self appointed archivists

Plenty of bands/authors/other celebs are suspected to be ghouls. Maybe a ghoul will read a book that too accurately depicts ghoul hunting patterns, or they’ll see a scene in a moment where they can swear the actors eyes went black, or they listen to a song about eating someone “metaphorically”. After that some may try to go to a signing or meet and greet so sniff them out, and once discovered, news travels by word of mouth. There’s been about 17 ghouls who’ve tried to sniff out Kesha after she released “Cannibal” and the results are inconclusive

Thanks to the internet it’s easier for ghouls to reach out now. Unfortunately, the CCG picked up on that in the early 2000s so they social media is monitored now. The solution? Get good at memes. There are symbols and phrases used to signal that they aren’t human such as the classic “friend of the king” or “fellow Jeffrey” (after Jeffrey dahmer). So far the most popular account run by a ghoul is Koma’s ever famous “@TheRealDevilApe” which the CCG has yet to confirm is real, but any ghoul knows it is. In addition to using memes to communicate, ghouls will talk online through weird means to avoid detection, like making a Minecraft server and using books and chats to coordinate murders, thus prompting even MORE memes like “no swearing in my criminal Minecraft server”

Ghouls who have relationships with humans walk on thin ice, but aren’t shunned. People just acknowledge that it’s pretty ballsy. It’s generally agreed that you’re not supposed to reveal yourself to a human because once they know, they’ll inevitably snitch. This doesn’t stop people of course, we all saw Nishiki and Kimi. And speaking of humans in relationships with ghouls, the rare few who are both aware and supportive of their partners tend to quickly meet eachother since Humanfuckers will bond over their very specific relationships. Thus, little hidden ghoulfucker clubs pop up every so often where the human partners can talk about what it’s like dating their partners and share tips about dealing with ghoul instincts and needs.

Even illiterate ghouls are well versed in biology. It’s normal for their parents to introduce them to the process of killing and dismembering when they’re around 7, pointing out muscle groups and organ as they help their kid learn where to cut. It’s morbid, but most have fond memories of their families bonding over that. An added bonus of learning about how the muscles connect is that they become quite good at issuing first aid to any humans they may be grouped with

Holidays vary from country to country, but there are plenty. Some celebrate the lives of ghoul heroes while others celebrate the deaths of infamous Investigators. There’s St. Bernards day in august, named after the code name of a ghoul who died in the 1920’s after eradicating every CCG building in Poland. There’s Rat hunting day where they celebrate the death of an investigator who went undercover to learn the identities ghouls, countless of which died from it. There’s Unboxing day where they cut the kagune out of any quinque they stole that year to give them proper burials

When ghouls are finally decriminalized, many celebrities come out of the woodworks as ghouls. Bets are won and lost, song wiki’s are updated with “hey eating people wasn’t a metaphore in this one”, and Kesha might be the most powerful kakuja in the Western Hemisphere. Plus, well known ghouls are invited on radio and talk shows to discuss ghoul life, and Koma changes a lot of people’s opinions on ghouls as dangerous monsters with his feral charm. Devil ape stans are a thing now and everyone who had to sit through conversations of him bragging about his old hunting days have been emotionally gut punched by just how many people WANT to hear him yammering on

[captbenscn-a]

Bensler for the ultimate ship meme!

Who was the one to propose:

Elliot! In Paris, and God, it was romantic! It was perfect! So beautifully written by you, Jay, and just so... true to Olivia and Elliot’s characters and relationship. I tear up anytime I re-read it and that goes for A LOT of our writing.

Who stressed more over wedding planning:

I don’t really think either of them stressed about it? They were both extremely excited to get it all planned out, but I guess maybe Olivia would worry about it a little more? Or Elliot because he wants it all perfect for Olivia. Especially since they didn’t get to have an actual ceremony when they first got married - having to keep it secret and between just them (and Jeffrey) due to the situation. So I feel he is the one to bring up the idea of having an actual ceremony because he wants it for Olivia, but also? He wants to experience it, too. He wants to see Olivia all dressed up, walking towards him down the aisle, with tears in her eyes (because he knows that’ll happen), he wants to have that wedding dance with her - he wants them to have everything they didn’t get to have the first time due to his assignment. And they do. 

Who decorated the house:

Elliot’s house was already decorated when Olivia moved in, but of course she brought over a few of her own decorations to hang up, but when they buy a new house together? They both decorate it. Elliot hangs up pictures of his kids, as well as some decorative crosses, and Olivia hangs up her own things, too. Landscape portraits, cute little old fashioned signs, and yes, the painting of Flamingos playing poker that Elliot hates LMAO. 

Who does the cooking:

Elliot does most of the cooking for sure. Has ever since they got together and he’s definitely taught Olivia a lot of what she knows now. She’s great when it comes to making breakfast, but dinner is definitely Elliot’s specialty and so he does a lot of the cooking but as time goes on, Olivia does it a bit more. And he’s proud of how hard she tries - even when she fails - and how far she’s come. She’s become pretty good at it, but Elliot still definitely has the reigns when it comes to cooking.

Who is more organized:

They both are. Or they try to be, anyway. But with the hours they work, keeping the house cleaned can be a challenge, but they work together to make it stay clean. Their desks at work are a different story, let’s not talk about those LMAO. They can’t always help the mess on their desks. Paperwork, pens, case files, it comes with the job. But yeah, I’d say they’re pretty clean and organized most of the time!

Who initiates bedroom fun:

Oh, they BOTH do. It’s pretty equal I’d say. Sometimes Olivia does, sometimes Elliot does, or they both do at the same time. Not really much else to explain there. 

Who suggested kids first:

I’d say it was a pretty mutual thing? I mean, Olivia has always wanted children, something Elliot has known, and though he has kids with Kathy, he’s wanted a child with Olivia. He wants a family with her - wants to give her a family that she’s always wanted. So getting into the relationship with her, he went in knowing he’d likely have more kids, and that was more than okay with him. Because he wanted nothing more than a family with Olivia, a life with her, and everything that included and Olivia felt the same way.

At first she wondered if he wanted anymore kids, but he knew how badly she wanted them, and yet, he still became involved with her, and during a few conversations, she came to know that he did want children with her and it meant everything to Olivia. Not to mention the way they’d look at one another when interacting with a child from some of their cases, as though wishing and imagining it was their own child, and they’ve had a few conversations talking about the life they wanted together, the future they wanted for one another, a future that included children. A family. So, yeah, I’d say it was definitely a mutual want. And they already knew it when becoming romantically involved. 

Who’s more dominant:

I’d say Elliot is, for sure. But Olivia definitely has her moments, though, where she’ll take charge - where she gains and keeps control and makes Elliot come completely undone. And god, does she love it. And so does Elliot. He enjoys when Olivia becomes the dominant one, watching her take control is something he finds incredibly sexy and he gladly lets it happens, though sometimes not without a fight. 

Who’s the cuddler:

BOTH. Oh gosh, both of them LOVE to cuddle. Be it on the couch, in bed, or even at work during their lunch breaks, sometimes they’ll sit together in the break room or locker room and just hold one another. Be it holding hands, bodies leaning against one another, or arms wrapped around each other. Not a day goes by where they don’t have some sort of physical contact. Even if their at their desks having lunch, sometimes Olivia fill have her feet in his lap, or they’ll be sitting on the chairs at the end of their desks and their legs are touching, or when they’re out for walks they’re always holding hands. 

And at home? Yes, they’re definitely always cuddling in bed. I just really do see that for them, you know? Years of silent mutual pining, wishing they could have more than stolen glances and subtle touches, turned into both making up for all that lost time and moments and just making the most of their relationship. The need to be close - even before they became involved - they were always standing close. Personal space doesn’t exist between them and they’ve seen it in the show haha. But if they’re on the couch, they’re cuddling, if they’re in bed, they’re cuddling. Of course in the middle of the night, sometimes they break apart as they change positions in bed, but they usually fall asleep touching one another. Physical intimacy - HAND HOLDING - is Olivia and Elliot’s love language.

Who’s the big spoon/little spoon:

I think Elliot is the big spoon most of the time, being the bigger of the two, and it’s just something that happens naturally, but there are times where Olivia has been the big spoon. Especially when he’s had a difficult day or when he’s just had a nightmare. Olivia will hold him, hold him until he falls asleep, and she’ll keep on holding him even after that.

What’s their favorite non-sexual activity: 

Going on walks together, cuddling, traveling and going on little getaways, exercising/working out (though sometimes it does turn sexual), Olivia laying in bed reading with Elliot laying with her either watching TV or watching her, cooking together, going on dates. They love doing a lot of things together. 

Who cooks: Answered above.

Who comes home drunk at 3am:

Neither? Sometimes Olivia will go out for a drink with Alex or Amanda or whoever else, but she won’t get drunk. And even if her and Elliot go out together, they don’t get drunk. They’ll maybe have a couple of drinks together, or maybe with the Squad, but not enough to impair them. 

Now, when Olivia’s alcohol addiction starts post Lewis, she’ll sometimes stay up late with her glasses of wine, but she won’t go to a bar and get wasted. It becomes a problem more at home than anywhere else, really.

Who kills the spiders:

Both or they capture it and throw it outside if they know it isn’t dangerous.

Who falls asleep first:

It changes. Sometimes Olivia, sometimes Elliot, sometimes they fall asleep at the same time. It’s never a set person each time. 

A head canon:

I have SEVERAL. See my headcanon tag. A lot of this is also headcanon based, so!

Their relationship summed up in a gif: (Ha, I’m not choosing JUST one)

The physical intimacy

Always close and holding hands whenever they go. Also MARRIED.

Their playfulness, their banter, how they make each other smile and laugh so much.

The way they stare (including the longing or flirtatious eye contact/f.ucking) at one another in silence, how it can convey SO much, without the need for words. Something so special and important with them. Also closeness.

And finally them being SO damn unhinged during some cases. Having no chill, giving no fucks, and having fun with it. Elliot’s face here kills me every time because he’s trying not to laugh. He started this and Olivia doesn’t hesitate to jump right in and join him. They are so chaotic sometimes and I love it. (Yes I know it isn’t a gif, but I couldn’t find a gif of this scene.)

Who is louder?

Olivia. And Elliot loves it. 

Who is more experimental?

They’re both willing to experiment, so long as the other person is comfortable with it, but they never really do anything extreme. It’s mostly food play, blindfolding, light bondage, trying out new positions and places, etc. 

Who takes more risks?

Hmm, maybe Olivia? We’ve seen, and written, her putting herself into dangerous situations despite the risks. Sometimes with others knowing and sometimes not. Especially if it’s to help a victim or help bring down a criminal, she’ll do what she can to make that happen, but over the years, she’s become smarter. She’s become more careful and cautious, thinks things through, and allows others to help. Elliot definitely has his moments, but Olivia tends to take on more than she can handle sometimes and she’s often disappointed with herself when it doesn’t work out.

“You’re not a super hero, either.”

“No one expects you to be Wonder Woman.” 

Do they fuck or make love?

Both, but MOSTLY make love. They have their very rough and very erotic moments, but for the most part, they make love and it’s always very passionate and romantic. 

Lights on or off?

When sleeping? Off. When having sex? I mean, I don’t think they care too much about that and they’re not exactly thinking about turning off the light when they’re getting hot and heavy. If it happens, it happens. 

Who is more likely to be caught masturbating?

What a fun question LMAO. I feel as though maybe Olivia has caught Elliot masturbating for sure, in the shower, perhaps? But I don’t think he does it often because they’re pretty active with one another. Olivia, however, will intentionally pleasure herself to tease or turn Elliot on. To entice him, to tempt him, and it definitely works. Sometimes when he’s on his way home from work and Olivia is already home, she’ll be laying in bed, on the phone with him, touching herself and talking about how badly she needs him and god, is she a tease. A little minx when she wants to be and she’s good at it. He advises her to wait for him and sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn’t. Sometimes he’ll get to the bedroom and find her touching herself, spread eagle, just for him. He’ll stand there and watch her for a few seconds, sometimes touching himself for her, too, before he climbs onto the bed and... well, you can guess the rest.

Who is more likely to suggest a threesome? Neither. God no. This is something they’ve NEVER wanted and will NEVER want.

Who comes first?

Most of the time, Olivia. Unless she has control and is determined to make Elliot come undone first which she has done SEVERAL times. She’s damn good at it, but in general, Olivia is usually first.

Who is better at oral and who prefers it?

They both enjoy giving and receiving, but Elliot is definitely the better one when it comes to oral. Olivia is pretty good, too, obviously, but I definitely think Elliot is the better of the two. He’s extremely talented with his lips and tongue and I’d say he probably enjoys giving more than receiving because he loves going down on her, loves making her come against his mouth, feeling her convulse, loving the way her hands will grip the back of his head or next, the beautiful sounds that fall from her lips. He loves everything about going down on Olivia.

Who is more submissive? See the dominant question.

Who usually initiates things? See initiating bedroom fun.

Who is more sensitive?

Olivia. She has a lot of sensitive areas and Elliot knows ALL of them. Knows where to kiss her, where to touch her, he knows all of her favorite spots and he makes sure to hit every one of them by the time they’re finished with one another.

Who has the most patience?

Based on what we’ve seen in the show, Olivia. Elliot tends to become impatient a little quicker, which goes to his anger issues, but we see him grow so much throughout the show, and especially in Organized Crime. His character development really shines and Olivia is VERY proud of him and how far he has come. 

Which kinks do they share? See the question about experimenting. Some are listed there.

[brynnmck]

Hi friends! I have been in a bit of an anxiety pit for the past couple of weeks but I'm hoping to be more present on here going forward. @ajoblotofjunk and @dame-lazarus both tagged me for this, thank you! ❤️ (Also, ajoblotofjunk, I’m SO glad we have the opportunity to get to know each other better via this meme 😂❤️)

Rules: Answer 21 questions and tag 21 people you would like to get to know better!

Nicknames? The vast majority of my fannish friends call me Brynn, including IRL; I answer as happily to that as I do to my wallet name. My husband calls me many ridiculous nonsensical things, such as “lady yam” and “baby puncher” (NOT, I should clarify, because I have ever even considered punching a baby, but because he thinks the combination of words sounds funny).

Real name? I am old school enough to want to keep my wallet name separate from my fannish name, at least publicly on the internets! Lol

Zodiac sign? Gemini (which, man, internet zodiac stuff NEVER seems to really understand/like Gemini). Taurus moon, Leo rising. ENFP, too, while we’re at it. 😂

Favorite musician or group? The Headstones and My Chemical Romance have been my top two of the past several years. Other artists who show up on most of my playlists include Springsteen, Bon Jovi, the Kris Delmhorst/Jeffrey Foucault/Peter Mulvey triumvirate, The Local Strangers, Lake Street Dive, and The White Stripes.

Favorite sports team? The Seattle Mariners (fairly unfortunately for me, though there have been some pretty fun times in there too). My dad loved baseball and I eventually fell in love with it too, in my early 20s, and it was the biggest point of connection we had. And baseball takes up enough of my time and emotional energy that I am so far pretty monogamous about it and have not gotten super invested in any other sports. But I never say never!

Other blogs? My first blog was an LJ, and I still have a Dreamwidth account that I haven’t updated in years. I’m @rockedfaces on Twitter (a lot of my baseball fandom lives there, as well as the ongoing clusterfuck that is the USA, and RTs of cute animals, and some media fandom stuff too). Mostly I can only manage one social media platform at a time so while I totally get the concept of having different accounts for different interests on the same platform, I cannot imagine maintaining that!

Do I get asks? Mostly only when I do ask memes. I always appreciate them though!

Blogs I follow? 185. Though I just came back to Tumblr a few months ago after a years-long hiatus, because I wanted to Get Involved in J/B fandom, so some of those blogs are now defunct and I know there are lots of great ones I don’t follow yet, too. 

Tumblr crushes? Obviously!

Lucky number? 7 I guess?

What am I wearing? Black yoga pants, a brewery t-shirt that I got for free as a pub trivia prize, and a sweatshirt for the western martial arts convention that my husband co-runs. 

Dream vacation? Right now? The alternate universe where there’s no global pandemic. Failing that, I’d like to go to New Zealand someday, and go back to the UK and Ireland, too. More basically, I just want to walk around interesting cities and eat good food and drink tasty alcohol with people I like. Pretty hikes are good too.

Dream car? I’m not really a car person. But an electric car with a super-long range would be pretty sweet.

Favorite food? I love very many foods! As you might be able to tell by the fact that I wrote a whole long fic about it! 😂 Tough to beat cheese and bread, as a general concept. I’m also extremely into good summer fruit when it’s in season, especially strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, nectarines, plums. Ooh and mango. And a really good peach is transcendent, though they’re rare here. We get amazing cherries though. SO MANY GOOD CHERRIES. Is it time for summer fruit yet????

Drink of choice? I do drink quite a bit of water, and I’m super into fizzy water right now. Alcohol-wise, bourbon or rye (perfect Manhattans are my go-to in the absence of a cocktail list), or a good Last Word in the summer. Also sparkling wine. And beer, especially at the ballpark (IPAs are my standby, as basic as that makes me, though I don’t like the super bitter ones).

Instruments? I played piano through high school and took voice lessons in high school and college (I was a theater kid). I can still play piano veeeery sloooowly if I’m learning something new, though some of the songs I played a lot as a teenager are still in my fingers somehow!  

Languages? English and what remains of my high school French. I really want to learn Spanish--if for no other reason than to be able to read baseball players’ Instagram posts--but so far I have gotten as far as downloading Duolingo. IT’S A JOURNEY.

Celebrity crush? Sooooo many. Nikolaj and Gwen are the two brightest stars in my little fannish sky at the moment, obviously. Various handsome baseball players. Ben Browder and Claudia Black. Chadwick Boseman and Nicole Beharie. Anna Kendrick. Frank Iero and Ray Toro. Lindsey Way. David Cook. Adam Brody. Gillian Anderson. I could go on!

Random facts? Let’s do three to make this 21 questions for real! 1) Ummm. I am bad at random facts about myself! I have one sibling, a brother who’s about a year older, and we were super close up through college (we still get along fine, he’s just been on the other side of the country for years now so our paths have diverged more); 2) We stayed a weekend in one of the treehouses at Treehouse Point in Falls City, WA just before Treehouse Masters really exploded and it was one of the most magical experiences of my life; 3) I never knew I was a dog person until we got a dog, and even though we are dogless now (though I would love to get another one at some point!), I am still very much a dog person, and I always want to see pictures of your dog, FYI.

I feel like with everybody tagging several people and me being way behind in responding, surely most of y’all have done this already? But if not, please consider yourself tagged! And @ me! And/or link me to your posts in the replies; I’d love to see what I missed while I wasn’t around.

[quanf99]

Sovereign Citizens, and the Definitely Not Real Global Domination Pandemic

It was 12:40am when I got out of bed to check my mail box, behind yet another fridge magnet from Josh Frydenberg was a postcard from the Protector Party, a political awareness group warning of a ploy by governments to control the masses through the current coronavirus pandemic, or something along those lines. The Protector Party are tied to the resurgence of sovereign citizens, members of society who believe they may choose exemption from the laws of society, a right supposedly outlined in the Magna Carta. While fringe political beliefs have always floated around, they're gaining traction in Australia after strict lock down laws imposed by the Andrews government. I was familiar with such ideas, but this was the first time I'd encountered said ideas in my mail box. I decided to look into sovereign citizenry some more, who were they? And what gave them the right to leave insane post cards in my mail box?

For many residents of Melbourne, Dan Andrews tough lockdown laws herald the rise of an all-powerful authoritarian state. These laws have made it illegal for people to visit other households, or leave home past 8pm, they force Melbournians to wear face masks when leaving home. Democracy is truly at threat when I can't order from the McDonalds drive-thru at 12am. Fighting on the frontlines against totalitarianism is a group calling themselves sovereign citizens or, Freeman of the Land. Freemen argue that laws only apply to corporations, which on their terms include the government. Birth certificates are a contract with the government as corporation and only apply to a person if he or she consents to it. This sort of imaginary legal argument has existed long before the coronavirus  pandemic and Dan "Stalin" Andrews' lockdown, cropping up whenever somebody gets summoned to court for unpaid driving tickets. Recently these pseudo-legal ideas have gained traction via Facebook groups. Through social media, thousands of middle-aged Australians are rallying behind the cause, who else will defend our rights to get pissed in the backyard on a Friday night. I thought I'd join one of these groups to get a read on the sovereign citizens. I found one group, Truth and the Unknown - Australia, it tends to focus on conspiracy theories in general but has recently shifted to uncovering the facts regarding coronavirus. The discussion surrounding the pandemic comes from livestreams of really intelligent looking people explaining to audiences that, coronavirus is not a virus, that even if it was viruses can't be caught by body, that coronavirus mortality rate is so low, no one should be worried even if they do catch it, despite 894 people dying in Australia. Unsurprisingly almost all of the information posted in Truth and the Unknown - Australia, contains no sources backing up any of the information provided. Discussion then shifts to memes explaining how 5G internet connections weaken the body making it more susceptible to coronavirus, a virus that isn't actually a virus, and even if it was you can't catch it. Further down the rabbit hole, GMO foods, vaccines causing autism, Rockefellers and Freemasons, government ties to Satanic cults and Bohemian Grove. All of this was mildly funny and maybe a little disturbing, but I was having trouble finding any concrete political ideas from any of these sovereign citizens. I decided to get in contact with the man who first sent me down this rabbit hole, that's when I got in touch with John Tiger Casley, leader of the Protector Party. Mr Casley is an older man, he speaks in old Australian figures of speech which find a balance somewhere between endearing and condescending, responding to you with phrases like "Alright young fella". Mr Casley used to be a history teacher, he now resides in Brighton presumably retired, spending his time making YouTube videos and sending people weird post cards. I asked "What do you think the end goal supposedly is for this deep state?" to which he replied "I believe their goal is psychopathic humanoid control over human bodies via violent injections and 5G, as well as human perception through media propaganda and AI." Q: Do you think this current climate of politics, sovereign citizens, and a general openness to these ideas will result in positive changes to politics in Australia? J: I believe it depends on the amount of human power given away to the Psychopathic Humanoids in JFK's Monolithic Conspiracy, although I've never known opportunity for political engagement to be higher. Q: How did you first become aware of things like, JFK's Monolithic Conspiracy? J: I began reading, gratefully, the logic, evidence, experiences and suffering of the most amazing mind of this century - David Icke's. While my interview with Mr Casely was interesting it revealed little in the way of concrete political beliefs, again it felt more like I was hearing a conspiracy theory check list be ticked off, rather than any solid politics. I decided to look into David Icke afterwards. Icke is a former football player from the UK, who writes about an inter-dimensional race of reptilians who run the Illuminati and have hijacked the Earth. These reptilians are known as the Anunnaki, ancient Sumerian deities of the Underworld. Again the formula for these ideas feels tried and true, pick an ancient pre-Judeo Christian deity (preferably from Mesopotamia) and center them around a secret shadow government conspiracy to rule the world. Whether its democrats sacrificing babies to Moloch, or underground Illuminati lizard men, the pattern feels obvious. Next I spoke to Zac Galloway, a practicing lawyer with a law degree from University of Tasmania. After moving to Melbourne a few years back, Mr Galloway has become active in promoting the truth about the pandemic through platforms like Facebook. I figured Mr Galloway would have to be well educated if he was a practicing lawyer, and should be able to back up his views better than the average Facebook conspiracy theorist. Q: I'm interested to know, are you connected to any particular groups or organisations? Mr Galloway: I'm not connected with any organisations, although I do follow a few Facebook pages where people share and spread information. I don't believe everything that gets spread in these groups and take most of it with a grain of salt however. Q: Do you believe the virus is real? Or a ploy by the government towards some other agenda? Z: I believe the virus is real but our perception of it is far from the truth. There seems to be overwhelming evidence the virus was man made and originated in a laboratory. Whether this was done intentionally doesn't matter as much to me, I think there's a clear agenda from government worldwide involving mass control and surveillance of the population. Q: Have friends and family been receptive to your message, or do you find a lot of push back regarding your ideas? Z: I find a mix of responses, I've got many people who message me frequently to show support, wishing they were brave enough to speak up. Q: What do you think the rising trend of belief in the sovereign citizen movement says about Australia's current political climate? Z: I think it shows that people are willing to stand up for their rights which to me is a no brainer. There's a very slippery slope between freedom and tyranny and when people voluntarily give up their rights so easily I become gravely concerned. To me it is good that people are willing to stand up for their rights. Although I think much of what he said was shaky at best I was glad someone could give me answers beyond vague gestures to Moloch and vaccines. I don't want to give Mr Galloway too much credit though, perhaps there's something even more troubling in the way he dresses up blatant disregard for the social contract as 'logical reasoning'. It can be harder to discredit arguments about Daniel 'Karl Marx' Andrews using coronavirus hysteria to destroy the economy, when they have more formal validity. And one can't avoid the irony of someone who supports sovereign citizenry, utilising his institutionally given power to practice the law. Regardless of the validity behind  any of the ideas I've gone over here, these ideas and their rising popularity represent something more troubling, perhaps more disappointing. It's undeniable that society is structured to segregate the common person from the powerful, while every day people are led along by the false promise of enough hard and honest work, those born into wealth use loop holes to consolidate their position on the throne. There are plenty of legitimate reasons to be mistrusting of governments and those in power, reasons that don't have anything to do with mass mind control, vaccines, 5G towers or ancient sub-terranean lizard people. I spoke to Dr Lauren Rosewarne, cultural commentator and lecturer at Melbourne University. Q: Do you think the popularity of the sovereign citizen movement ties in with the rise of conspiracy theories coming closer to public consciousness? Things like the death of Jeffrey Epstein, or Russian interference in the 2016 U.S. Elections? Dr Rosewarne: Sovereign citizens are nothing new in Australia. The internet however, has enabled them to connect, recruit and have a public platform for their views thus giving them greater visibility. Q: Do you think the rising visibility of such a platform, and these sorts of fringe political ideas in general, might suggest deeper political unrest in society? L: I'd be more inclined to say that Covid serves as a rallying cry for these people in a way that few previous events have. Whether that persists as unrest in a post-Covid world, only time will tell. When people take up these conspiracy theories, its disappointing to see how close to the nerve they hit, clearly something larger than everyday people puts us on an uneven playing field. Why then, do we look for answers beyond the real quantifiable structural devices that shape society? There are many complex reasons, the simplest one being that its much easier, much less ambiguous to imagine some sinister, wholly evil force is pulling things behind the scenes. It's easy to laugh at conspiracy theorists, a lot of the things I've seen people post are honestly insane. However, I think it's worth remembering too, that when people start believing these theories, a part of them must recognise the way things are really stacked against us, and from that place maybe we can hope that more people are on the path to greater political consciousness. Or who knows, maybe the democrats really do drink the blood of newborns in exchange for eternal youth.

[idkthisisjustforfanfic]

Part XII - The Untimely Downfall of Strangers

read parts 1-11 here

THEN - Day 1612

I didn’t know when interviewers would stop asking me about Margot, but today wasn’t that day. 

I’d done three interviews for the movie--and each one seemed to focus generally on the whole idea that now, apparently, I was an actor. They also managed to slip in a question about whether or not I’d spoken to Margot. After the third one, Jeffrey had made an executive decision to demand that each media outlet cut those parts. 

Things had died down, really. There weren’t new headlines every day, new rumors, new speculations about where Margot was and what I was doing about it. 

In fact, I didn’t know where she was, I didn’t really want to know, and I frankly just wanted to move on with my life. 

It’d been fourteen months since we’d broken up. The first year was miserable and I made it all the way to the one year mark still feeling like it was yesterday. Reliving all of it at the anniversary seemed to be healing in a way--or at least, it helped me process what had happened and hope for a better 2017. 

So now, when people asked me if I’d spoken to her, if I’d heard from her, I couldn’t help but just be angry and annoyed and bothered. 

I hadn’t heard from her, I hadn’t spoken to her, and it was my understanding that no one else had either. She hadn’t released music, made a statement, done much of anything, really. 

The only thing to have even come from her mouth (or Nick’s, more realistically) was a statement in 2015 when she went to treatment that she was putting her health first and would take all of the time she needed. Nothing since. 

“Anything new in terms of your love-life? You were in a very public relationship with Margot Jones--everyone is dying to know more about why it didn’t work out.”

I licked my lips quickly, thankful that the interview we were filming wasn’t live and thankful that Jeff was just off camera. I could see the way his eyebrows dipped at the sound of her name, looking up from his phone to see how I’d handle it. 

“Nothing new,” I shook my head, offering the woman a small smile as I looked over to Jeff--part of me hoping he’d interrupt and redirect. “Just uh, focusing on the movie, some new music. Definitely just taking a pause for myself.”

Okay, so maybe I did wonder where she was and what she was doing. With the album coming out and with my time being spent increasingly in L.A., I couldn’t help but wonder what her life was now. 

“How did the break up affect the rest of the boys from One Direction? I mean--clearly it was a heartbreaking thing I’m sure for you and Margot, but, any word how they’ve dealt with it?”

I shook my head slightly, hoping that this woman would pick up the hint that she wasn’t going to get much out of me. “You know, I think they’ve been so excited to focus on their new ventures as well, they’re all going to do some great things, so I’m wishing them the best in terms of time off and new adventures.”

None of that felt true in the moment--but I’d also been coached for years now on how to avoid uncomfortable questions.

But I wasn’t going to tell Macie--this woman in a yellow dress--that Niall refused to speak to me for the weeks after it happened because he claimed I let her walk out. I wasn’t going to tell her that Liam and Louis both avoided me for a while in fear that I’d be too emotional to handle the work related things we had to do at the end of the year. 

I certainly wasn’t going to tell her that I hadn’t spoken to Zayn in months and had no idea if he even knew what had happened. 

I knew Margot was talking to them--I mean, I figured she had kept in touch with Niall at first. But then I got a text from Liam asking if I knew that she was home (I didn’t, no one had told me). 

And now, when Niall sent me a stupid meme or a text about sports and mutual friends, I’d fight the urge to ask how she was. I’d type it out and erase it and hope that one day he’d just decide to tell me everything he knew about what she was doing and how she was feeling and why on earth she decided that I wasn’t good enough for her anymore. 

I’d heard from Niall that she wasn’t really writing. He’d seen her for lunch the last time he was in town, but he didn’t give me more than that. I wonder if she’d asked him not to. 

It wouldn’t surprise me if his loyalty now laid with her--I mean, they’d always been close and for some reason, Margot found Niall to be much more entertaining than he really was. If he was at a point now where he chose her over me, I could live with it. 

I’d already lived with Margot choosing everything else over me. 

THEN - Day 724

I stood up on the loge level, stage left, watching as Margot finished the last song. The stadium was huge--it felt bigger in the audience than it did when we’d played it only a month prior. Bodies filled the seats that allowed them all to watch my girlfriend do her thing--a much less flashy version than she’d previously put on. 

Margot had always had a love hate relationship with her fame--she loved it in the sense that she didn’t know anything else now. She loved her fans and her music and being creative. She loved the life that it allowed her to live. 

But at the same time, she hated the way it dampened her spirit and her freedom and her world. She’d tried, over the last two years, to make music that was more her and less radio. She did different set designs, different wardrobe ventures, and worked tirelessly to be involved in every decision that was made about her life. I think that’s why she seemed so exhausted all of the time. 

Sinead was beside me, swaying along to the song she’d heard probably 700 times by now. She offered a smile in my direction when she noticed my eyes on her, and I took the opportunity to lean over and speak into her ear. 

“Are you as sick of this song as I am?”

She laughed, rolling her eyes as she shrugged. “Let’s just say we’re lucky she’s a good writer.”

I nodded and pushed my lips out in thought--knowing very well that Margot was likely just as sick of this song as I was. It didn’t stop her from dancing to it on stage like she was having the time of her life. 

I wondered, as I watched the girl I loved, what thoughts went through her head at night. She was far more in demand than we were--whether or not 2014 had brought One Direction bigger stadiums and more press and more things on our to-do list. 

I’d always wondered--especially when Margot and I started dating--if there’d come a time when she took a backseat. Not because I felt she needed to--more so because I think she wanted to. 

“How’s she been lately?” I leaned over to ask Sinead, Margot spoke to the crown in gratitude of their presence and good energy. I knew she was getting close to the end of the show. 

Sinead moved her head from side to side--admitting that Margot had most likely been difficult lately. She’d always get to a point at the end of the tour where she was ready for it to be over. She’d get cranky and homesick and just more irritable. She’d been having the time of her life on this tour--but I knew, with only two weeks left, she was ready to return to LA and begin filming the final season of her television show. 

“She’s been okay--she’s tired. She’s super glad you’re here.”

Her words made a smile fight onto my face. The distance was hard--especially in the summer. Other times of year we could take weekends or weeks and align our schedules. We could try to be in the same city at the same time for different reasons. 

But touring in the summer often had us on opposite sides of the planet for weeks at a time. Which is why--despite being rather sick of hearing Margot’s most recent number one single--I was happy to be spending my days off with her. We were right in the middle of our U.S. leg of the Where We Are tour, so being stateside gave me more access to Margot. We did our best, as always, to align any legs of our tours if we could--often playing the same venues only weeks apart. 

So even if there were weeks when she was in Japan and I was in Spain, laying beside her at night in a hotel or on her bus made all of the red-eye flights worth it. 

“Did you book her charter for when she comes to see us?”

Sinead nodded--reaching for her phone to send a text to Margot’s head of security. “Yep--she’s back in LA for a few days and then she’ll meet up with you guys for a long weekend in mid-September. Back for filming at the end of the month and then with you for the last three shows in October.”

Sinead’s mind often amazed me. Not only was it her job to keep Margot’s schedule straight--meaning fittings and shows and press and radio and filming and recording and rehearsing and writing--but she also had to have a fair enough understanding as to where in the world I was. 

Sinead’s job--sometimes--seemed like she was trying to mix oil and water. 

But she loved it--her and Margot had become close and she got on well with everyone on my side of the equation, too. I just wondered sometimes if she had the aching for a quiet life. Did she wish she could take time off in the summer instead of trailing behind Margot through different concert venues?

Margot’s words in the microphone caught my attention as the crowd erupted in cheers. “There’d be no better way--naturally--to end a show, so for our last song, can everyone sing as loud as they can?”

Sinead clapped and smiled down at Margot--who looked like a small figurine from our spots overhead. “I’m more sick of this one, to be honest,” she grinned up at me and started humming along as the band began to play.

NOW - Day 1718

Margot brought her eyes up to mine--I could see the thoughts swirling in her head as she seemed to scan my face. The desperation in my voice was probably obvious. “Don’t put up another wall,” I said, “we’ve got enough to take down.”

She licked at her lips and tried to exhale deeply--but she was stuck. She shook her head eventually and let out a laugh. “It’s not that easy, Harry. It’s like--here we are, just like the old summers, and I’m still afraid that there are all these people out here who would ruin our relationship if they could.”

I nodded--trying my best to validate the fear she held in her eyes. “I know, baby, I know. But s’not going to happen. It didn’t happen before.”

She looked away at that--apparently our interpretations were different. “Harry we were always fighting about the way you interacted with fans.”

“S’part of the job, Margot. I can’t just not be nice.”

She rolled her eyes--still standing a few feet away from me in the center of her deck. It was comical, almost--we reestablished our roles without even speaking of it--falling into place like we’d worn out footsteps on the floor. 

“I’m not saying you can’t be nice. I’ve never said that, okay?”

I took a deep breath, not wanting to fight on the last night we had together--but also thankful for the fact that we were speaking. A few weeks ago, we couldn’t say the same. 

“You are the person I care most about on this planet,” I said, reaching forward to bring her towards me. She looked at my hands hesitantly, wondering if she should take the risk and step towards me. I offered her a small smile when she met my eyes--walking towards me finally and extending her hands to meet mine. 

I looked up at her, heart in my throat and emotion ready to pour out of me. “I want to do this, Margot. I want to try again. But if we do--I need you to know that I’m not backing out like last time. I’m not giving up like I did.”

She blinked a few times--processing my words. I didn’t know if she knew what I mean--I didn’t know if she took the words as seriously as I did. 

I wanted her--all of her. I didn’t want to do this half-arsed or tentatively or with any reservations. There wasn’t a doubt it my mind that Margot was the person for me. With all of the eye-rolls and sarcasm included. 

“I’m in if you are,” I told her, letting my thumbs rub circles on top of her skin. 

She let out a quiet laugh, not as closed-off as she’d been a few minutes early. “I’m in, Harry--clearly I’m in,” she shrugged, another laugh escaping her lips as she looked around us--silently making reference to the fact that we were behaving like a couple.

But that was the thing about Margot--I don’t know if there was any other way I knew how to be with her. Either completely with her, 100% all in, or doing everything in my soul to forget her name and forget the way she laughed when I made a stupid joke. 

THEN - Day 1189

Liam was mad at me and I knew it. 

But that didn’t stop me from biting into the last banana in the fruit bowl in the green room before our performance at The X-Factor live finals. 

He had his feet up on the coffee table--already dressed and done with hair and makeup. He scrolled on his phone, the tension building between us as I seemed to stand in the middle of the room awkwardly. 

I’d told them to just drop it. I’d told them--probably a thousand times by now--that walking on eggshells wasn’t going to help anyone. They didn’t need to be nice to me or give me space or ask how I was feeling. 

I told them to just act as if nothing had happened. The more we could just forget about it and move on, the easier it would be for me to not want to blow my brains out during these last few weeks of promo. 

I’d told management that every single media outlet we worked with had to be contractually obliged to not mention her or our relationship or the break up. I made it extremely clear the morning after it happened in New York that I’d get up, walk out, or tell whoever was interviewing to go ahead and fuck right off. It might do well for ratings, but it wouldn’t do well for our overall image. 

But still, I was sulking around most of the time, drinking too much and sleeping too much and ignoring too many text messages from important people. 

Niall would call to make sure I was up and on my way to events, but I’d just let them go to voicemail. My mum would text and her message would go unread for a day or two before I had the courage to face the outside world that seemed to move on from the cold day in New York--the place in which my brain was stuck.

I wanted so badly to move on--I wanted to forget about her and the feelings and the way that now my head seemed foggy and unable to focus on anything but the words she’d said over the last six months. 

“Can you not just stand there? At least sit or something,” Liam said, not bothering to look up at me. 

“Why do you care where I am?” I shot back, ignoring the fact that Lou worked on Niall’s hair only a few feet away. I was sick of pretending like I was okay--yet I still hoped people would just treat me like I was.

“Because you’re just standing there like you’re waiting for something, mate. Just sit down and relax.”

“Don’t tell me to relax,” I said, my voice firm and angry as Louis entered the room with a smile on his face.

“How’s everyone doin’? An exciting night, yeah?”

“Bad time, Louis,” Niall said, the noise of Lou’s blow dryer muffled his voice from across the room.

Louis’ eyes seemed to scan the room--falling on me with a bit of disappointment. That’s how I’d sum it up, really--the way they’d been treating me. Disappointed. Disappointed that I hadn’t fixed everything between me and Margot, disappointed that I was depressed and in a shit mood. Disappointed that I wasn’t thoroughly enjoying the end of our band as if I wasn’t scared shitless of what was next. 

“Y’alright, Harry?”  Louis asked, flopping down onto the couch as he put his legs up beside Liam, crossing him arms over his chest as he waited for my answer. 

“No--clearly I’m not fucking alright. Is that what you all need to hear? Do you want me to just admit that I’m fucking miserable and an idiot and I fucked up?”

Liam finally brought his eyes up now to look at me--Niall watched me through the mirror that hung in front of him. 

“I know you’re all pissed at me--okay? I know you’re mad that I didn’t figure out how to fix things with her but I didn’t fucking know that was coming. I didn’t know her solution to the problem was to throw everything away. Did any of you? Yeah? Did any of you know that she was falling apart? You were all her friends, too. But none of you hold any guilt in any of this?”

Lou switched off the blow dryer--setting in on the table as she busied herself with her phone, clearly uncomfortable with being stuck in the middle of such a weighted conversation. 

“Harry, no one’s trying to blame you,” Niall stood from the chair and moved towards us--his eyes narrowed as he watched me. “We wish you guys stayed together, f’course--but we’re not mad.”

“No? Not mad?” I let out a sarcastic laugh and let my hands slap against my thighs. “Then why the fuck have all of you reached out to her to see how she is but you can’t even bear to be in the same room as me?”

I didn’t have physical proof that they’d reached out--but I wasn’t stupid. I knew that as soon as Niall found out, he likely called and texted her a thousand times to get more details than he got from me. I knew Liam was upset to hear she’d entered treatment--Louis was freaked out that he didn’t get to see her before she left. 

Radio silence in the room as Liam set his phone down on the coffee table and rested his elbows on his knees.

“We get it--okay? We get that this is hard and new and that all of us are dealing with a lot of change.”

I rolled my eyes at him. Sure--change. The word had lived in my head for a long time now. Ever since the spring when Zayn left in the middle of a fucking tour and Margot started asking about my plans for life after the band. 

Things were changing for all of them, too, but not in the way it had for me. We’d all lost a bandmate. We’d all lost a friend. We were all going into uncharted territory and hoping for the best. 

But they still had the people beside them to make it less terrifying. Liam had his girlfriend, Louis had his. Niall had us and his brother and his friends from back home. 

I had them. I had my family. I had the support of people who cared about me--but none of it would make up for the fact that I didn’t have her. 

In the span of 30 days, I was losing the two of the most important things in my life. I looked at the three of them--shocked that they thought they understood how I was feeling when none of them had been in this set up. 

“No,” I shook my head, anger bringing heat to my face as I let my tongue glide along the back of my teeth as I headed for the door. “You don’t get it.”

NOW - Day 1719

Being friends with James Corden was a blessing and a curse. There were plenty of ways that being his friend had perks. I’d met a lot of people through him--I always could count on him to be game for some take away and video games, and most importantly, he was supportive and loving and all of that good friend stuff. 

But now, as I sat in his the passenger seat of a Range Rover in a parking lot in LA, getting ready to film a carpool karaoke segment, I was less than impressed with my friend as he laughed to himself. “M’not gonna go too hard, Harry--but people are figuring it out. I mean, you haven’t exactly been subtle about it, have you?”

I rolled my eyes, rubbing at the bridge of my nose as a woman brushed more powder onto my nose, completely unable to stop the smile from reaching my cheeks as I responded. “People don’t know everything--and you always want me to tell you everything.”

“I do not,” he defended, reaching for the microphone that clipped to the inside of his collar.

I adjusted the sunglasses on my head and watched as traffic whizzed by us outside. “It’s not a big deal, we’re just taking it slow.” 

“Please do not ask him a shit ton about it,” Jeff said, coming up behind the woman who did my makeup-- a cup of coffee in his hands. 

“Oh I’m going to ask him about it,” James nodded confidently. “And he’ll give me some shit-eating grin answer and I’ll try not to laugh at how ridiculous he sounds.”

Jeff let out a laugh and headed back for the hallway--clearly not too worried about whatever  was about to happen. And that was another blessing--being friends with James meant he’d give me shit and push me a bit, but he also had nothing but respect for me and my privacy. 

I shook my head as I took a sip of the coffee Jeff had delivered--thankful for the people around me. Emma, my assistant, seemed to be buried in her phone as she hid beneath the overhang of the CBS studio only a few yards away. Doing the first bit of promo with my album out was sure to be nerve-wracking, but I felt good about the fact that things between Margot and I were stable. At least--stable enough. 

We were talking and texting like things were back to the way they were--before she was sad and distant. 

James’ studio manager gave us cue to get started--James turned the key in the ignition and I pulled my door shut, I pointed two fingers at James to imply I’m watching you.

A voice came over the walkie-talkie that James had in the cupholder--giving us permission to pull out and turn right onto the busy road in front of us. It wasn’t my first time doing one of these with James--but it was my first without other people sat beside me in the car. 

He did as we were told, and once we were on the road, mixed in with the lunch-time traffic, the voice inside the walkie-talkie let us know that cameras were now on and filming, we could start whenever we pleased. 

James cleared this throat and adjusted in his seat, I gave him the thumbs up to let him know I was game. A few seconds of silence. 

“Oh man, thank you so much for helping me get to work--I really, really appreciate it,” James had both hands on the wheel now, looking over to offer me a small smile.  

“Thanks for the ride, s’my pleasure,” I nodded at him, wondering how long he’d take to get to it. I knew he planned on asking about the band--my new album, the movie, all of that. But I also knew that he’d tastefully weave in some questions about Margot. Whether or not he named it as such, I was yet to find out. 

“The last time you were here, you were not alone in the car--and now you are, now you’re up front.”

“I was back middle,” I nodded, remembering the last time we did this--a stop for McDonald’s half way through as Liam got hungry. 

“Yeah,” James said. “That’s right, you were right there, and now you’re right here, how d’ya feel?” He motioned to both spots in the car that I’d occupied, I took a second to look around in the front, appreciating the space I had now without Liam and Louis on either side of me. 

“I feel like--uh--like I have more control over the buttons.”

“Over the air and stuff?”

“The buttons, yeah,” I laughed, gaining a laugh from James as he brought his eyes back to the road. 

“I don’t know if you’re speaking on a different level--if the buttons, if you’re saying you’ve got more control over the buttons but the buttons are something deeper than just the buttons in the car.”

I laughed, nodding slightly as I picked up on his analogy. “Could be.”

I couldn’t help but notice that I felt more at ease than I’d felt in interviews for a long time--especially now that things seemed to be more concrete with Margot. The hardest part of interviews after we broke up was the uncertainty. What did I say? How did I manage to be pleasant when I was in a shit mood?

Releasing the album, having it out and streaming now felt a bit strange. The stories I told through lyrics and music were no longer just for me. And now, singing along to them in the car with James opened me up for a whole slew of questions I’d been rehearsing my answers to for a week. 

He asked me what I’d been up to since I’d seen him last and he complimented the album, which felt exciting and nauseating at the same time. I wondered, for a second, if this is how Margot felt when she heard it for the first time. 

He played a few songs and we chatted about what it’d been like to be making this album alone--without the safety net of a band of friends standing behind you. But I could tell, when he looked over at me, that he was about to go in for the kill. 

“So people have heard the album now--have friends and family texted you to let you know they’ve listened and which song they like best?”

“Uh, yeah, I’ve gotten a few messages from people.”

“Right--and have you gotten word, I mean--let’s be real, people know there’s one person that this album really focuses on, yeah?”

I fought the smile on my face--letting my gaze float out the window as I plucked at my lower lip. “M’not sure what you mean.”

“Oh yeah, Harry, sure,” James laughed, causing me to readjust in the seat as I let out a laugh. 

“Margot Jones, yeah? There’s been a lot of talk about your relationship with her and your break up and everything in between.”

“Mmm, mhm,” I nodded--hoping that some honesty would gain me credit or respect or something that would make James tone it down a notch or two. “Yeah--I think people will hear this album and wonder--y’know--if there are pieces about certain events or days or people. But the best part about making an album is really letting the music tell the story so you don’t have to.”

James’ eyebrows were raised, his eyes on me as we took a left turn. “Casual answer, Harry, really,” his laugh filled up the car, contagious enough that even I started giggling a bit--at least enough to relax. 

“No but really--you’ve been seen out with Margot lately, which I think is quite the turn of events for folks who followed your relationship.”

I stared at him, somewhat surprised at the straightforwardness of his question, but also a bit impressed by his ability to play the clueless card. I always found that interesting when I did interviews with people I actually knew--people who were my friends. 

When I came and saw James or did radio things with Nick, it was funny to hear them ask me questions in front of the camera that they already knew the answer to. 

“Yeah--I mean, Margot’s a wonderful person, and it’s nice to spend time with someone who knows you so well.”

I didn’t know if that would cut it--I didn’t know if that was vague enough for Jeff’s liking or subtle enough for Margot’s. 

“Fans really love to speculate about songs and lyrics and what’s about who. I think you could probably find twelve page essays online that detail,” he let out a laugh, I waited for him to spit it out, knowing full well where he was going. “That detail why each lyric is about her or about your relationship.”

“S’dedication, really,” I joked, picking up my water bottle to take a sip. Margot said that that was my tell. I’d reach for water or for something to do during an interview when I got a bit nervous. I pushed the thought out of my head. 

“Y’should have pulled a Maroon 5--called it Songs About Margot,” He suggested, a cheeky grin on his face, which nearly caused me to spit the water out in my mouth . 

“Yeah we threw the idea around actually,” I joked, running a hand through my hair as James pressed a button, another song coming out of the speakers. 

We drove around like that for about an hour--singing and laughing and even switching shirts in an empty parking garage. We made our way back towards the studio, and once we arrived, I climbed out of the car and greeted Jeff with sunglasses over my eyes. 

“Vague enough, yeah?”

Jeff shrugged, a smile on his face as he handed me my phone. I think he was just happy that I wasn’t so fucking miserable anymore. 

“Hey,” James called from behind me, a woman tugged at his shirt to get his microphone loose. “Still on for dinner next week in London?”

“Absolutely,” I nodded. “You’re cooking for me, right?”

He rolled his eyes, appreciating my jokes as he handed the car keys to a production assistant. “Yeah right--naked beneath an apron and all.”

THEN - Day 1528

Being in Los Angeles wasn’t weird. Being here without Margot was. 

I mean--I guess I couldn’t even say that. I’d been here plenty without her. Hell--the first few times we jetted all the way to the West Coast, I didn’t even know if she knew I existed. 

But this was her turf--no matter where I was or who I was with, Los Angeles would always make me think of her. The exit on the freeway to get to the driveway where we met, the right turn down Sunset Boulevard to get to the studio where she’d filmed her show. 

So now--sitting in an office on Selma Avenue felt like I was intruding on her territory. 

I’d always wondered if I’d see her. Would I bump into her on a red carpet? Would she ever do events again? Would I see her at Niall’s wedding (if that ever happened)? I had no clue where she was at--both physically and emotionally, so I was left to wonder what on earth she did with her time in the city that seemed to belong to her. 

Our meeting was over--I stood from the chair and hoped to god I could get some food into me before I had to go to whatever meeting I had next. Finishing the album brought forth a lot of conversations about money and planning and terms of agreement. 

“Grab a burger?” Emma suggested, watching as I followed behind her towards the door. I reached into my pocket, fishing my phone out and checking the messages I’d received in the span of an hour and a half. One was from Mitch, the other from a friend, and two from my mom. 

“Sounds delightful,” I said with a smile, listening as my publicist began to list good places nearby. 

Jeff held his hand out to motion towards the door--ushering me back to the car that would be waiting outside. “There’s that place in the Roosevelt Hotel,” he reminded.

“That place has great fries,” Mark--the head of the artist relations spoke, following us into the hallway. “Good to see you, Harry, we’ll meet again in a few weeks once we get this finalized on our end.”

I shook his hand, offering a smile. “Thanks, of course, good to see you as well.”

I turned to follow them towards the main entrance, still distracted by the messages on my phone. I followed silently behind them, laughing at the picture my mum had sent of her cat in the garden, until suddenly, I lifted my eyes and saw her watching me with wide eyes. 

My feet kept moving--mostly because Jeff’s were doing the same behind me. Emma was staring straight ahead--both of them likely just as surprised as I was. 

Sinead seemed to knock into her from behind, lifting her eyes to connect with mine. Margot--whose hair looked darker and whose eyes seemed less sunken in--fell back into step quickly, almost as if she hadn’t faltered at all. 

Jeff was in the middle of a sentence--something about what Mark had said and the car outside and suddenly his words were floating around in the hallway like they’d fade after a few minutes if I didn’t respond. 

“Yeah, sounds good,” I said--unsure if my response was even appropriate or logical. I followed Emma out to the parking lot, and once the door was shut behind us, I turned to face Jeff. 

Emma, who’d turned to face me, seemed to scan over my face to make sure I was okay. 

“Is no one going to address that?” I asked, holding my palms up to encourage some kind of response from either of them. They both stared at me blankly. “Am I supposed to go back in there? Am I supposed to go address the fact that she’s here and we just saw each other and--”

“And say what?” Jeff asked, lifting his pointer finger to flick his sunglasses down over his eyes. “It’s been over a year.”

“I’m aware, Jeffrey,” I bit out, narrowing my eyes at him. 

He’d long been a supporter of the Move On From Margot campaign--something that seemed to be a common theme among my friends and family and team. 

“I’m not trying to be hard on her, okay? I just don’t want you to--” he cut himself off, letting his shoulders rise and fall as a car pulled up to deliver us to our next location. He opened the door and let Emma climb in first. 

I faltered for a second--my eyes flickering back to the doorway. Was I supposed to do something? Was I supposed to talk to her? 

“Don’t want me to what?” I prompted, the hum of the engine quieted when the car shifted into park. 

“I don’t want you to move backwards. You’ve done so well since the New Year.” I let out a sigh, looking down at the ground before back up at him. “Let’s get lunch.”

I gave in then--I climbed into the car and watched as the building faded out of sight. I wondered why she was there and what she thought and did she notice that I cut my hair?

I pulled opened the message thread between us--the one that I’d saved and had yet to erase. 

Her last message stared up at me. 

I’m room 1432. Come by when you can. 

I should have known then. I should have known when she got her own hotel room and asked me to come by. I should have known it was coming. 

I let my thumbs hover over the keys, as if I had something to say or words to speak and emotion to show. After a few seconds of staring at those words--the last she’d sent me, I deleted the thread entirely. 

THEN - Day 753

“Don’t even touch it, Liam,” Louis voice was louder than necessary, but my laughter seemed to drown out Harry’s groan as Niall pushed play on the laptop in my lap. 

“I’ll touch whatever I want, thank you very much,” Liam replied calmly, watching as the screen turned from black to white, big text filling the screen that read Where We Are 2014. 

Niall had decided he was going to document their tour--small clips from his phone, pictures we’d all taken, different footage of the five of them goofing around started to play as Zayn shoved Louis so he could get a better look. 

The tour was almost over--mine had ended two weeks prior--so we were officially set up to be on the same continent for a little over two months. And it was moments like these, really, that made the traveling and the distance worth it. 

A photo of Liam and I with giant sombreros flashed across the screen, followed by a clip of the night that Harry caught 29 goldfish in his mouth when he demanded I throw them and we try to set a world record. 

Harry--who’d been more emotional than usual--was reluctant to even watch. He knew that the end of tour always made him a bit nostalgic, and while that was more than okay with me, he didn’t necessarily love the teasing that came from the rest of the boys. 

I sat next to him on the floor of the green room, my back up against the couch as we all stared at the laptop that Niall had lugged around all summer. Lou and Paul were watching on as well, and Harry’s hand on my thigh felt like a good reminder that even when I had bad days, I had the people beside me to bring me back down to earth. 

I wondered, when I was on the road with them, if it would have been easier to do all of this with a band. Would there be less stress if the fame had been spread amongst three or four other girls? Would I have more fun if I had friends with me on stage, people to walk red carpets with? 

Sure, I’d somehow become a package deal with his band, often attending events together and even walking red carpets as if I was just part of the group--but did I stand a better chance as a part of a whole?

The truth was that I’d never know, and while there were certainly perks to being in a group, there were also drawbacks. I saw the way the boys would fight. I saw the angry text messages and the cold stares after a disagreement the night before. 

I saw what it was like to be stuck around the same five people--literally in the same ten foot vicinity with the same five people--for months on end. I saw the way that they were sad to leave tour, but also thankful for their own bed that wasn’t just a meter below someone else’s. 

“Oh, Liam--the cutest little grin,” Zayn laughed, his accent thick as he reached up to pinch Liam’s cheeks. 

I think these were the moments when we all questioned what life would be like had it turned out any other way. How would things be for them if they weren’t a group? What would happen if there were three or four instead of five? Changes within our little world felt like they’d rock the boat to a sea where we couldn’t sail. 

“You look fucking wasted there, Harry,” Louis laughed, his finger pointing to the screen--a picture of Harry and Liam with their arms around each other in a parking lot told me (based on the grin on Harry’s face both in the photo and in the present moment) that he likely was. 

There were pictures of them in various airports--embarrassing photos of me asleep on a couch in Milwaukee, and even photographic evidence that I’d beaten Niall in a game of ping pong once in Madrid. 

I watched as they all stared at the screen--and I couldn’t help but wonder if they ever had the same thoughts as me. Did they feel as suffocated? Did they wonder what it’d be like to quit or move or just not wake up?

Maybe they did--maybe they had their days where they wondered if this was all meant to be. But the hardest part was the fact that I knew I couldn’t ask. If I did--I might feel even more alone. 

NOW - Day 1720

Nathan was sat at the board as my voice filled the headphones. I watched his face--wondering if he thought the vocal was good enough to keep. 

He tapped his foot to the beat, the watch on his wrist (a gift from his wife in 2014 when we’d finished my last album) caught the light from the window as he shifted in his seat and sighed. 

Making music felt good. It felt natural and normal and in a way, it felt healing. It felt comforting to reflect on the feelings that had once sat so heavy on my chest--even if they weren’t completely gone. Amanda said it was therapeutic--almost like retelling my story and reprocessing the memories, except this time, I knew the ending. 

I knew that Harry was back and that I was okay and that now--even with the anxious feeling that was never too far away--I knew I could handle it. 

My voice faded from the headphones in my ears--we’d only recorded a verse and the first chorus. 

“I think that’s good,” he said, looking up at me. “Let’s do the second verse and see how we feel later tonight.”

I stood from my seat beside him, ready to head back into the booth. 

“Did you tell Harry you’re here today?”

I turned around once I was inside, the glass window separating us as I reached for the new set of headphones to play my feedback. “Yeah--but, I don’t know what he thinks I’m recording.”

“What do you mean?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t think he knows that I’m recording stuff from back then.” 

All of the songs we’d worked on so far--the titles written on post it’s that were now stuck to the wall--were my side of things. Maybe not as blatant, maybe not as literal and direct--but they were my version of the same story that Harry had already told. 

And when I thought about it like that, I got angry. With Harry on the other side of the world for  his promo and press tour and me in a studio in Calabasas, I felt like it wasn’t fair that he got to do it first. 

Especially because his side of things didn’t exactly feel true. 

I’d spoken with Amanda about how it all felt: the fact that I was the bad guy in his story and he was the one who was helpless and hopeless and had nowhere to turn. 

Whether or not things felt okay between me and Harry--whether or not he was starting to call me lovie again and whether or not we were sleeping together, I couldn’t help but wonder if a part of him was angry and hurt and wanted me to pay for what I did. 

“Are you gonna tell him?”

I sighed at that--I hadn’t moved beyond the thoughts of how do I communicate with someone I’m sleeping with but who doesn’t have the same label he used to have but is currently on the other side of the planet?

“I’ll tell him eventually. I mean--he’ll hear it eventually.”

Nathan let out a laugh, his lips pursing together as he nodded. “I mean--don’t dish it if you can’t take it, right?”

NOW - Day 1727

I guess it was Harry’s way of showing he was dedicated. 

Hillary had an opening on a day that he wasn’t in town--in fact, he was in Barcelona in a hotel room sitting on a king-sized bed. But his face was on the screen of my laptop, situated next to me on the couch in Hillary’s office as she let out a laugh. 

“Can you hear us? If you miss anything we say, just raise your hand.”

“Got it,” he smiled, the corners of his lips twitched upward as he looked from Hillary and then to me. 

It’d be fine so far. Fine enough in the sense that I was keeping busy with Nathan and dodging the media, and Harry was busy doing everything in front of the media to promote the album. Amanda had suggested I tell him a bit more--tell him that there was a part of me that was angry about the album. A part of me that was tormented over the thought that he’d slept with someone else. 

And most importantly, she said, that I tell him about my plans to release the songs I was working on with Nathan in the same studio where I’d recorded my album that won a Grammy for Album of the Year. 

It’s not that the songs were harsh: they weren’t necessarily accusatory or spiteful or anything like that. Instead, they were honest. They told my version of 2015 and 2016 and Harry might not like it. 

But did he have the right? Did he have the right to be upset about my side of the story if I had to grin and bear it about his? I didn’t say a thing. I didn’t tell him when I got DMs from people attacking me for breaking his heart. I didn’t let him know that I had bookmarked a few articles from the NYT and the Post about how his album seems to really put the nail in the coffin of our relationship. 

Because after all, how could we salvage anything after he told the entire world how everything was my fault?

I knew I needed to tell him--I knew the good of our relationship rested on the assumption that we would be nothing but honest. Which, realistically, probably meant that I had a few things to come clean about. The songs. My feelings about his album. The stomachache I got when I opened my social media accounts--still with nothing new posted since 2015--to see messages and comments calling me an attention whore and a bitch and just about everything in between.

“So--how has the distance been so far?” Hillary asked, her eyes flicking between the both of us as she waited to see who would answer. Harry seemed quiet, his eyes insinuating (even through a computer screen) that he wanted me to talk first. 

“Good, I guess. We’ve talked a fair amount.”

Hillary nodded, her eyes moving to the computer screen quickly. 

“Yeah--” Harry shrugged. “Despite the time difference we’ve talked on the phone every day.”

“How are you both feeling about being apart?”

Again, Harry’s eyes were on me. I wondered--for a second--if there was a part of him that just wanted to hear all of my thoughts and feelings out of fear that he wouldn’t get access to them if we weren’t in this room. 

“Uh--I kind of feel, like, stressed, I guess.” The words felt rocky--it felt new and strange to be speaking honestly in front of him. 

“What feels stressful?” Hillary prompted me to say more--I shifted in the seat and looked over to Harry. I knew the drill--she was asking me to speak more directly to him and use ‘I’ statements. 

“I feel like I got left behind while you’re out having fun doing all sorts of album stuff. I don’t know if that makes sense,” I said quickly, looking to Hillary for some reassurance. 

His eyebrows dipped together in the center of his forehead, but he nodded--apparently urging me to continue. 

I took a deep breath and bit at my lip before saying more. “I guess I’m a little angry that I got painted like the bad guy. I know I already said that and you’re just telling your side of it, but there’s been a lot of backlash.”

“Backlash?”

“Yes, Harry, backlash.”

He tugged at his lip and looked off screen for a second. “How so?”

“On social media and online and stuff,” I shrugged, a little annoyed that he was clueless. “People are just really going at it--a lot of your fans are angry at me for the way things went down.”

“Well--they don’t know the whole story.”

“But they think they do. They think your album is the whole story.”

He was quiet at this. Hillary leaned back in her chair and adjusted her ponytail. Apparently she was pleased with our communication, whether or not it was emotional. 

“What are they saying?”

“That I’m a bitch and that I didn’t care about you. I mean--none of that is new, I knew they felt that way when we broke up. But I didn’t see it all. I wasn’t looking online.”

“So--should you not look?” He asked the question innocently enough, but it irked me as I brushed a strang of hair behind my ear. 

“It’s not that simple, Harry.”

“Margot--I don’t know what to tell you. This is why I warned you--I wanted you to know it was coming and I wanted you to be prepared.”

“I know,” I said, suddenly feeling guilty for my emotions. I knew he did it to be nice--I knew that his good nature is the reason we were even here--in couples counseling like some kind of lifetime movie. 

“You have to understand though that it’s hard to be silent right now when you’re out there in the spotlight telling a story that doesn’t feel true.”

“Margot,” Hillary interrupted, her eyes narrowed a bit. “I’m wondering if you could tell me how it feels to be stuck here--especially if you’re not getting to tell your side of things right now.”

I took a deep breath--Harry let out a sigh and I searched for the words in Hillary’s cozy office. 

“I feel abandoned, sort of. I feel left behind and forgotten and I guess angry. And I feel like I’m in trouble for doing something wrong when I didn’t do anything.”

Harry’s face scrunched at that. Apparently he disagreed. 

“Harry?” Hillary turned to the computer. “What’s it feel like to hear Margot say all of that.”

“S’confusing,” he shrugged. “I feel accused now, I guess. I didn’t abandon her or forget her. I’m just working. She--of all people--should know what that’s like.”

I rolled my eyes--annoyed at his passive aggressive tone. 

Hillary tried again. “But do you feel any other way other than accused?”

He licked his lips and thought for a second. The hotel room was dark behind him--I wondered what time it was and what time he had to be awake. A feeling of appreciating washed over me. He wasn’t perfect. He certainly wasn’t flawless and completely free of blame--but at least he was trying. 

And that gave me hope. Hope for the future of us and for the future of whatever it was between us. In this awkward stage post break-up, we moved like figurines, cracked and fragile and worried about the damage that could ensue with just a few words. 

I couldn’t help but resent that, though. Because here, sitting in Hillary’s office, with Harry transported in through pixels and WiFi, he was ignoring the fact that he’d written an entire album about our the time we shared and the time we then tried to forget. He was sitting here as if he hadn’t put me on blast and opened up our story to the criticism of the whole world. Something about it felt unfair.

So sure--maybe I was angry. Maybe I was angry that I was stuck in California wondering what he did in Barcelona today--similarly to the last 18 months. Maybe I was angry because all of the polarized feelings felt rushed and fleeting and I didn’t really know what to do or say next in the neverending psychodrama of my relationship with Harry. 

But I knew one thing for sure: if he got to tell his side of the story, I got to tell mine. 

[morethanmeetstheass]

TFP Ratchet for the character meme?

TFP Ratchet ruined my life, and let me explain why.

How I feel about this character

I’d been a TF fan for a while, very casually. Like yay, giant robots, pretty neat. Then TFP Ratchet came into my house and swept me off my feet with his beautiful medic hands and Jeffrey Combs’ INCREDIBLE voice acting and it was all over from there. My boyfriend showed me TFP initially and regretted it the instant this fucker came on the screen. He’s such a wonderfully toned-down version of beer gut TFA Ratchet combined with his G1 attitude. He set the perfect standard for what Ratchet always should have been. An icon.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

TFP Ratchet specifically……… uh……………………….

Blame an RP I’m doing, but Smokescreen. It makes sense in context, I swear. It’s the worst ship ever and I hated it for months, and then it just slowly made sense and now here I am, making fanart for myself. The rarest of pairs. It’s not even good and I love it.

But without RP context, again, no one, really. He’s too old and tired to deal with anyone’s shit.

And me. Me for sure.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Optimus Optimus Optimus Optimus Optimus! Their dynamic in TFP is so good! ‘Old friend!’ Oh my god! Best friends forever to the point where I aaalmost ship them romantically, but not quite. Their friendship is too sacred.

My unpopular opinion about this character

A lot of people say TFA Ratchet was what really made him into the character we all know and love now, but no. It was TFP Ratchet. All the way. He was so unique and so… perfectly…. done….. he ruined my entire life. You guys don’t understand. He’s the reason I’m in this fandom so hard now. Him and him alone.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Okay, so there’s a post floating around about how it appears like he starves himself so everyone else can be fully fueled, since his fuel levels were shown to be so low in his synth-en fiasco? And when Magnus mentioned they were low on energon, he said “no one is more acutely aware of the situation than me” or something. More into that! Show how much he cares! More solo Ratchet episodes! MORE, I SAY! A WHOLE SHOW ABOUT RATCHET! *grabby hands*

[orbemnews]

Alibaba’s Big Fine Is a Warning Shot Beijing tightens the screws Over the weekend, Chinese officials fined Alibaba a record $2.8 billion over antitrust violations. It was the biggest penalty yet as the Chinese government scrutinizes Jack Ma’s business empire — and it served as a warning for the country’s other internet giants. The fine was linked to Alibaba’s locking of merchants into its sales platform, according to the Chinese market authority, and vastly exceeds the agency’s previous largest fine, a $975 million antitrust penalty imposed on Qualcomm in 2015. A commentary published in the state-run People’s Daily minutes after the Alibaba announcement called such regulation “a kind of love and care.” The fine will likely curb Alibaba’s ambitions. Like its American counterparts, the company argued that its sheer size and wealth of services are a net positive for consumers. But smaller rivals are now likely to find support from Beijing if they accuse Alibaba of anticompetitive practices in the future. “We accept the penalty with sincerity,” Alibaba said in a statement, and executives held a call today to say the fine, worth about 4 percent of revenue, wasn’t material to the e-commerce giant’s finances. Shareholders appeared relieved. Alibaba’s shares rose by more than 6 percent in Hong Kong trading. Beyond the fine, the company agreed to stop violating antimonopoly rules and submit compliance reports for three years. And today, the company said it would lower the fees it charges merchants and provide additional services. Alibaba’s shares are still down sharply from late last year, when the antitrust rumblings began. Alibaba suggested that rivals could be next. “The penalty issued today served to alert and catalyze companies like ours,” the company said in its statement. “It reflects the regulators’ thoughtful and normative expectations toward our industry’s development.” Unlike Alibaba, shares in Tencent and Baidu were down today, as other big internet businesses in China feared that they might be next. HERE’S WHAT’S HAPPENING An effort to unionize Amazon workers fails. Workers at a warehouse in Alabama overwhelmingly voted against the proposal, crushing one of the biggest drives to form a union in Amazon’s history. The lopsided result may prompt organized labor to try different tactics in the future. Jay Powell says the economy is at an “inflection point.” The Fed chair said on “60 Minutes” last night that the U.S. outlook had “brightened substantially” but warned that flare-ups in Covid-19 cases remain a risk. Speaking of virus risks: the South African variant may be able to evade some of the protection of the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine. Microsoft may be close to striking another big acquisition. It is near a deal to buy Nuance Communications, the A.I. and speech recognition software company whose tech is tied to Apple’s Siri virtual assistant, Bloomberg reports. At a potential valuation of $16 billion, a transaction would be Microsoft’s biggest since buying LinkedIn for $26 billion. Preet Bharara is becoming a digital media executive. Vox Media agreed to buy Cafe Studios, the publisher behind “Stay Tuned With Preet,” the podcast hosted by the former Manhattan U.S. attorney. Mr. Bharara, who made his name prosecuting insider trading and terrorism cases, will join Vox as the creative director of Cafe. Two electric vehicle battery makers settle their feud. LG Energy Solution and SK Innovation reached an agreement to end their intellectual property dispute, with SK paying LG $1.8 billion in lump-sum and royalty payments. The settlement ends a fight that threatened the Biden administration’s climate agenda, as well as a big battery factory SK is building in Georgia. C.E.O.s talk politics Over the weekend, more than 100 corporate leaders held a conference call to discuss what they should do, if anything, to shape the debate around restrictive new voting laws under discussion across the U.S. Snap polls during the call suggested that most of the participants favor doing something, though what that would be isn’t yet clear. The voting-rights debate is fraught for companies, putting them at the center of an increasingly heated partisan battle. Ken Chenault, the former AmEx chief, and Ken Frazier, the current Merck C.E.O., urged the executives on the call to publicly state their support for broader ballot access, following their work gathering 70 fellow Black leaders to sign a letter calling on companies to fight bills that restrict voting rights, like the one that recently passed in Georgia. A new survey of Americans gives support for companies wading into politics. The data provided by Morning Consult was presented to the C.E.O.s on the call, which was convened by the Yale professor Jeffrey Sonnenfeld. Here are some highlights: 62 percent of “avid” baseball fans support M.L.B.’s decision to move the All-Star Game from Georgia in response to the state’s new voting restrictions. Support was lower among all adults (39 percent), but if the league was worried about the effect on its most dedicated fans, this is an important finding. 57 percent of Americans think companies should cut back on donations to elected officials who are working to limit voting rights. Nearly three-quarters of respondents said that the government should ensure equitable access to voting locations. More than half of Americans said they were more likely to buy from companies that promote certain social causes, including racial equality and civil rights, although support among Democrats was stronger than among Republicans on many of these issues. Among the handful of issues that would make Republicans less likely to buy from a company were support for the Black Lives Matter movement, abortion rights, stricter gun control, transgender rights and gay rights. “However glad we are to see a new generation’s evolving perspective on investing, our goal is not to make it easier for them to pile into and rush out of speculative meme stocks.” — Ron Kruszewski, the C.E.O. of Stifel, in his annual letter to shareholders. On due diligence and flying taxis Archer, the electric aircraft company, said earlier this month that it’s facing a federal investigation over allegations of I.P. theft. That’s not just a potential problem for Archer, which denies wrongdoing, but also for the investment bank Moelis & Company, which announced in February that a blank-check firm it was backing would acquire Archer in a deal that valued the company at $3.8 billion. Questions arise about due diligence. Archer revealed the federal investigation on the day a rival, Wisk, sued the company and accused it of stealing trade secrets and infringing on its patents. According to Wisk’s suit, it informed Archer of its concerns last year, before Archer’s deal with the Moelis-linked SPAC, known as Atlas Crest Investment. “They had to be aware of this — so what did they make of it?” said Kevin LaCroix, a lawyer and author of D&O Diary. Moving too quickly? I.P. theft claims are common in nascent industries like the one for electric air taxis, and Atlas may have dismissed the matter as a competitive tactic from a rival. But Atlas’s due diligence took a little over a month, according to regulatory filings. The SPAC led by Reid Hoffman took almost three times as long to run the rule over its acquisition of another rival, Joby. What about incentives? Moelis not only backed the Atlas SPAC but also served as its financial adviser and placement agent for the additional funding alongside the merger — roles that could earn it $30 million in fees, according to filings. Moelis bankers, including the chairman Ken Moelis, own a “substantial majority” of founder shares and warrants in the SPAC, which would be worthless if a deal isn’t done. There are “huge incentives” for SPAC deals to close, Mr. LaCroix said. “Does that create its own logic which kind of creates sort of a runaway freight train so that, if problems do emerge, they kind of get glossed over? That is the risk.” Baseball on the blockchain A classic American pastime — baseball-card collecting — is getting a 21st century update. The blockchain platform Worldwide Asset Exchange (WAX) and Topps, the collectibles and candy company, are launching NFTs, or nonfungible tokens, digitizing this season’s Major League Baseball trading card series. WAX minted more than a million NFTs for 75,000 digital card packs. The series, digitizes nearly 2,000 images to be sold in packs of six or 45 cards starting next week. William Quigley, WAX’s co-founder, said he expects “millions” in direct sales and a robust secondary market. For M.L.B., the tokens essentially act as an annuity, paying the league a fraction of every resale via conditions written into their code. That is a new source of revenue that didn’t exist with old-fashioned cards. Top Shots, the National Basketball Association’s NFTs, are among the most popular assets to take off in the recent crypto craze, generating nearly $150 million in sales over the past month alone, according to DappRadar. Digital tokens solve several problems, Mr. Quigley said. With standard cards it has been difficult to establish how many cards were issued and to ensure the authenticity of a supposedly rare one. NFTs have built-in authentication and verification data, and separate ownership from possession so that owners don’t need to amass physical goods in a world with “landfills worth of junk,” he said. Mr. Quigley himself is considering giving up on buying physical art. “I’m thinking I don’t like it,” he said. A home run in a hot market? Topps is riding high as the pandemic has driven new interest in memorabilia, especially trading cards. And NFTs are not the only hot trend Topps is betting on: the company is going public via SPAC in a deal that values it at $1.3 billion, DealBook reported last week. THE SPEED READ Deals Medline Industries, a maker of medical equipment, is reportedly weighing a sale that could value it at more than $30 billion. (WSJ) Didi Chuxing, the Chinese ride-hailing giant, is said to have hired Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley to lead its forthcoming I.P.O. in the U.S. (Reuters) Politics and policy David Cameron, the former British prime minister who became a top adviser to Greensill Capital, admitted to mistakes in lobbying policymakers on behalf of the recently collapsed lender. (FT) “We Asked Congress’s Freshmen to Give Up Stock Trading. Few Were Willing.” (NYT) Tech Court filings in Texas revealed that Google secretly used past bids for its digital advertising exchange to give its own ad-buying system an advantage over rivals. (WSJ) More than 500 employees of Alphabet signed an open letter demanding the tech giant change rules they say unduly protect those credibly accused of harassment. (The Verge) Best of the rest Don’t mistake a work colleague’s silent endurance for resilience. (NYT) Online schools are here to stay, even after the pandemic. (NYT) We’d like your feedback! Please email thoughts and suggestions to dealbook@nytimes.com. Source link Orbem News #Alibabas #Big #Fine #shot #warning

[angelkurenai]

Papa Winchester - Jeffrey Dean Morgan x Reader - Part 2

Title: Papa Winchester

Pairing: Jeffrey Dean Morgan x Reader

Word Count: 3,074

Warnings: None really

Prompt: YN and Jeffrey met on season 1 of SPn where she played his daughter(the middle Winchester sister) and have been together ever since,they'r married with kids by now, and the fans (specially the cast who’s her family) always makes fun of that during interviews and pannels,but it’s always cute because Jeffrey likes to surprise them ,specially when the fans are involved,and they all love and are very supportive of their relationship

Read Part 1 here!

A/N: I’m doing lots of writing today since I have time and more posting will be done tomorrow! Also, this was not betad so apologies!

“They never let you catch a break, do they?” your driver and bodyguard asked with a chuckle as you surfed on the net, on your way to visiting your husband on set.

“It's Jensen and Jared, Mike, of course they never do.” you chuckled, shaking your head “I mean, they might probably deny it but, I know it's their favorite hobby!”

“I don't think they are really denying it anymore.” he laughed, shaking his own head and you shrugged.

You glanced back at your daughter sleeping in her seat, it was already very early and you wanted to surprise her by visiting her dad on his work “Those sly bastards, I am sure they learned how to make memes just for us!”

“Jared for me wouldn't be a surprise but Jensen? Are you sure about that?”

You laughed “Oh you really don't know them that well, besides I think they sort of confirmed it during a Con. I am not sure, haven't joined them in some time but I like to keep up, so I know that for sure. Here-” you opened your gallery, just at the moment he stopped on a red light “See this?”

“Dad's on a hunting trip. And he hasn't been home in a few days.” he read and added “Well, classic line. It's what started it all, Jensen's favorite.”

“Yeah, just see the rest.” you said with a giggle as you showed him the full photo. Under a picture of Jensen's from the pilot were the rest of the words.

“A few days? Are you sure it's a hunting trip?”

“No, he's- he's making out with our sister in his trailer?” he ended up reading it as a question before laughing and shaking his head “Yes, alright Jensen is so the one to make this!”

“I mean we weren't a thing back then but of course, leave it to Jensen to make it look like that while making a fun situation out of it!” you shook your head “Oh look, speaking of the devil-” you opened as a notification on instagrampoped up.

“Not really posting lots of things like this here but Jared did a great job with this and I was in tears when I saw it, so here ya go! Unseen photo of their wedding!” you read as you took a look at the photo it came with and you really facepalmed“Oh sweet lord, why do I hang out with these idiots?!”

“What?” he didn't sneak a look because he had to focus on the road “What did they do this time? What photo of your wedding did they upload?”

“Apparently... their favorite one.” you said before reading “'Dear beloved, we have gathered here today to celebrate the join of (Y/n) Lucille (Y/l/n) and Jeffrey Dean Morgan.' I- I don't even know how the heck they did this.” you shook your head as you took a look at the photo of your husband with his bad in a rather beautiful... veil and what was supposed to work as a wedding dress for it.

“Well, they took things quite literal.” he said with a smirk as you laughed.

“You tell me.” you mumbled “I could comment on this but for real I am only speechless.” you laughed “At least the fans have gotten used to this by now so they are really only laughing at these and not taking it too seriously.”

“Oh but the entire fandom ships you and Jeffrey anyway.” he shrugged and you nodded your head.

“That I am really happy about.” you sighed softly “It's nice to know the people you care about and appreciate can really see the truth and not judge you.” you finished and a small pause followed between the two of you, and it was soon broken by a giggle leaving your lips when you saw Jared too uploaded something of his own.

“Papa Winchester trying to explain to his wife, Mary, that he's going to be a father and a grandfather at the same time once the baby comes. Only the SPN fandom gets it now, but everybody else is...” said the description along with a photo of you during a con, making a face and saying “Min-blown!”

You saw he had also added something else of his own in the description saying “Crazy times ahead, will love to see you explain this @(Y/i/n). #yesthefandomisnutsandweloveit #stillshipit”

You had not seen it before but you noticed there was another one right before this “When you try to figure out if she is more your half-sister or niece” it had as a small description under the picture of a very confused Jared, looking with a funny face at your daughter who was only grinning at him in a baby-like way. You remember when your friend had taken this photo, and your daughter was barely four months old. And now he was making a meme with her, of course. But you couldn't really be mad cause it was both adorable and funny.

You laughed, typing a quick reply to that one “Padalecki, are you using your sibling as that? Shame on you, brother, I am going to tell dad!” you left and continued to browse on youtube about any new videos.

“Oh if anything, sometimes they seem to join Jared and Jensen on this as well.” you mumbled before a smile formed on your lips “Oh look, they have also uploaded the season 12 bloopers.”

“Haven't you seen them?” he asked in a mumble.

“Plenty of times, experienced them myself too. But this one is a compilation, not just the bloopers uh 'Jeffrey and (Y/n), a love story as told by Jared and Jensen' oh wow!” you snorted, shaking your head “They certainly know what they're doing, let's see.”

“Yeah we ship them and are not guilty at all to admit it!” Jared said, swinging in his chair as Jensen chuckled.

“We- we specifically learned how to make memes to tease them, yes that we are guilty about, but at the end of the day I am going to be the captain of this ship and I won't let it sink!”

“You- you know what 'ship' comes from, right?” Jared asked with a smirk as Jensen scoffed.

“Pffft of course I do!” he rolled his yes “It's, you know, a ship with- with those two people on it- I mean now Jef would have to be the captain if it was just him and (Y/n) but I refused to let them go alone on their honeymoon, there is nothing that would stop me from doing this as well!”

“Did he really?!” Mike asked with a laugh and you giggled.

“Sorta. He too was on vacation at the time and we just bumped on each other, and he was all like 'Look here, dad, I was never for threats- no wait, I always was, who am I kidding? Anyway, if you hump my little sister I am going to tell mom!'and I swear he was so serious that he scared me!” you laughed.

“Well- well, Jared is always the one making fun of them the most!” Jensen tried to defend himself during a con.

“Excuse me?” the younger man scoffed in disbelief “Who was the one making pregnancy jokes during dinners?”

Jensen snorted, raising his hand “And I am very proud of that!”

“Yeah, I bet (Y/n)'s parents were very proud of you too!” Jared rolled his eyes as the audience laughed “Oh yeah who would have thought her father would not find it hilarious that Jensen called Jef the daddy... of not just the baby!”

“That-” Jensen laughed as well, shaking his head “That was a slip up!”

“Dude you almost gave the poor man a heart attack!”

“But Jeffrey is the daddy!” Jensen once more tried, and failed, to defend himself for the sake of the fans that all laughed at what he said.

The clip changed and again, surprise surprise, it was Jensen and Jared.

“It- It was an amazing day, full of tears at least for Jensen and (Y/n)'s father, her- her real one by the way cause with all these jokes we-” Jared laughed “We can't tell them apart.”

“Come the man could finally understand me! My baby sister was getting married to my dad, it was a big issue for me- and the entire fandom!” Jensen exclaimed and you laughed at his words.

“Yeah I guess it was a big issue watching her walk towards her future husband and past father.” Jared shrugged as he fought a smile but in the end lost.

“Past? Oh please, not as long as we are around to remind people of that!”

The clip changed to another con.

“I'll tell you, I- I never thought there would come a day that I would give advice to my father on how to ask my sister out on a date!” Jensen said with a simply surprised face but you just scoffed with a smile, knowing he had seen it coming from the first minute and he was just really enjoying teasing you even if you weren't there.

“This is what we all call Supernatural!” Jared exclaimed “And he was quite nervous too, wasn't he?”

“Oh you have no idea! I would really go into detail about this but for fear of him suddenly appearing at my doorstep with Lucille, the one he didn't marry by the way, I am just going to say one thing.” Jensen said with a chuckle “It was one hell of an experience seeing John Winchester act so nervous in front of a girl, especially his little daughter, when asking her out!”

“...Wait, don't you have that on a video?” Jared asked after a small pause of his own as the crowd cheered at Jensen's words, and slowly a mischievous smirk formed on Jensen's face.

“Oh dear Chuck help us if he does.” you muttered before the clip changed once more and this time you recognized it a blooper.

“Man, dad loved this thing!” Jensen all bloody came on set from, supposedly, a hunt with Jared following closely behind.

“Hey, oh s' up with Lucille?” you asked with a smirk, unable to contain yourself “Thought my husband had her!”

“Who?” Jared snickered “Oh yes, dad yeah sometimes it's hard to remember your sister is also your step mom!” they both burst into laughter with you joining and only then Robert yelled cut.

“Wh-what? We are just giving the fans some new info, didn't you know?” Jensen asked as you and Jared were holdingyour stomach's from the laughter.

“Alright guys, reset!” Robert shouted as you and the boys fooled around for a few minutes.

“Lucille” you scoffed, picking up the bat and staring at it “What kind of name is that? Wonder who he named you after.”

“Sister or wife?” Jared mumbled, a grin slowly spreading on both your faces.

“Or both!” Jensen exclaimed and you all snorted before laughing.

“Wow this thing is heavy, how can you swing it so easily?” you asked Jensen who chuckled.

“Oh it's a family thing, I took after dad! Why don't you ask your husband too!”

“Hey- hey guys, at least dad knows how to hold a woman firm and tight you know, so that's something.” you said

“And now it's time to break the internet, come on let's hear (Y/n) Lucille Morgan give us more details!”

“We are so weird that this makes absolute sense!” Jared wiped away tears from his face as he laughed uncontrollably.

“Alright!” Robert's voice was heard again “Let's try this again guys!”

The screen turned black for just a split second before Jensen appeared again, walking inside the bunker with Jared following suit.

“Man, dad loved this thing!” he said, trying to give it a small swing.

“Helps real lot with the zombies.” you mumbled as you flipped through a magazine with, guess what, the Walking dead on it and a small groan was heard from Robert. The scene was already ruined.

“Zombies? Huh I thought it was for all your potential boyfriends.” Jensen snickered.

“Yeah so did I. But I mean all he has to say is 'Hi I am her father and yes her future husband, did I tell you I kill monsters on my free time?' and he would be gone!” Jared agreed with a grin.

“Heard that Supernatural writers? Now you won't have to kill off all my potential partners, dad will do it for free and enjoy it!” you said as you all erupted into laughter.

“Alright, cut!” Robert shouted before the screen became black for a moment.

“Killing off all of her boyfriends, and being a strict dad, that' the secret to keeping them close y' all!” Jeffrey appeared for a moment in front of the camera as you all laughed in the background.

The screen turned black again and once more it all started the same as the first two times.

“Man, dad loved this thing!” Jensen said and Jared followed.

“Yes, I did.” Jeffrey appeared into the screen “But how about you give it to me before you hurt yourself, son.” he took Lucille from him as Jensen and Jared share an over-dramatic look and then stared at him with again overly dramatic shocked faces.

“Don't act like that boys, it's like you've seen a ghost!” he chuckled, swinging the bat over his shoulder “If you'll excuse us now, your dad and sister have a romantic date tonight.” he said with a grin, throwing an arm over your shoulders.

“Come on sweetheart!” he kissed your forehead “Wanna go hunt some zombies?”

“Cut!” and the screen turned black again for a split second.

“Oh and since the last time we talked, I killed Hitler.” Jensen said with a proud smile.

“Uh thank you?” Kim said with a perplexed look on her face.

“You're welcome!” Jensen's grin go bigger.

“Oh and let's not forget we celebrated dad's anniversary with our sister, so there's that!” Jared said with a grin and Kim nodded, not for a second breaking character.

“Oh wow that must have been...”

“Weird as hell, but that's how the Winchesters do it. What can we say.” you shrugged, you too in character.

“And hey, she announced we are going to be uncles again!” Jensen piped in with an excited smile.

“Or wait- did she say uncles? I thought- I thought it was more like half brothers again?” Jared mumbled, leaning closer to Jensen.”

“No, no I think dad brought it up. (Y/n) surely said about uncles, or wait- was it our dead mom that brough it up?” Jenen mumbled back not-so-subtly.

“I mean she isn't just going to be a grandmother only, but- but what is the baby again to he other than that?” Jared muttered in return as they kept it going.

“You certainly never get bored with these two, right?” Kim asked and you nodded your head.

“Not a single day.”

“Cut!”

“Life is certainly never boring with those two around.” you breathed out with a smile, closing the video before it could end.

~*~

“I always knew you were gonna replace me with one of your favorite props, baseball bat, glove, your leather jacket, camera, something. I just never thought we'd have the same name.” you said with a giggle as you approached you husband while holding your daughter's hand.

“Oh honey you know I would never put anything before you!” he broke into a wide grin and you chuckled as your daughter let go of your hand and ran to him with wide arms.

“Daddy!” she exclaimed as he knelt down and effortlessly picker her up and spoon her around.

“How is my princess doing?” he smiled, kissing her cheek.

“Good, dad! Mommy and I went for ice cream and pizza first and then we decided to visit you!” she rambled, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Who's replacing whom now?” he asked with a smirk as he extended and arm to wrap around your shoulders.

“Pardon me?!” you pretended to be offended “Out of the two of us who is carrying a child in them an has to eat for two every three hours or so?!”

“Fine, you won this round.” he chuckled, pecking your lips.

“Dad, why were you talking to mommy when she was not here by her middle name?” your daughter asked with a tilt of her head and you and Jeffrey chuckled.

“Oh I wasn't exactly talking to mommy, sweetheart. I was practicing my lines, and they required me to talk to my bat, see.” he let you pull away as you picked up said object.

“This is Lucille.” you said as you inspected it with a smile.

“You named her after mommy?” your daughter asked once more with raised eyebrow and adorably peculiar eyes and Jeffrey chuckled, kissing her cheek.

“That's exactly what I did, princess.” he said with pride and you raised an eyebrow at him “You know I love your momma more than my life, it would be only fair if I did, right? Lucille is as badass and cool as your momma is fighting monsters with uncle Jared and Jensen.”

“Mommy is awesome!” she exclaimed, grinning at you and you giggled, leaning to kiss her forehead.

“Only seems so since I have the most awesome daughter in the world!” you booped her nose as she giggled “But I think we can all attribute it to how fantastic her father is, think he deserves some credit. Doesn't he, princess?” you asked with a smirked and she giggled, nodding his head as she looked up at her.

“Yes, yes daddy deserves the credit!”

“And another kiss too?” he suggested with a seemingly innocent smile but you just laughed.

“From Lucille? Oh but what is the bat for, honey?” you chuckled as he tried to seem angry at you.

“From Mrs Morgan.” he corrected and you laughed, leaning in to kiss him once more.

“Ew!” your daughter made a sound, hiding her face behind her hands and both you and Jeffrey laughed.

“She spends too much time with Jared and Jensen, doesn't she?” you asked and he shrugged innocently.

“Oh don't try that on me, mister. You might be Papa Winchester but we both know who runs this family!” you hit him playfully on the shoulder.

“And we both know it is the two of us!” Jensen said with a grin as they approached you.

[robotnik-mun]

Robotnik Art Historia- Part Four: Age of the Eggman

Welcome one and all to the Robotnik Art Historia, where we examine the visual depictions of Robotnik over the years! Well beautiful friends, we’re close to the end here, and it’s rather appropriate given that the particular ‘era’ of the books covered here is where things really began to end for the old Robotnik, with a new Robotnik emerging to take the place of the old- Robo-Robotnik, an early one shot villain, who after devastating his own Mobius was moving in to the current one in order to re-live the thrill of conquest. Uploading his consciousness into a body modeled after the modernized Eggman design from Sonic Adventure, he would take over as central villain to the book, and usher in a time when SEGA would finally start exerting more and more control over the book in order to align things more closely to the games, having decided that they wanted a more consistent depiction of their mascot and his world. To sound off that declaration, an adaptation of Sonic Adventure would become the first major plot after issue 75. Afterwards came what I like to call ‘The Dark Ages’.

Now, for each person, when and why ‘The Dark Ages’ started up is a matter of interpretation. Personally, I place the deterioration of things as happening after the Sonic Adventure adaptation finished- this is era that would give us Green Knuckles, the Love Triangle, Freedom Fighters In School, and the thrice accursed art of Ron Lim (more on him below). It was an age of uneven storytelling and even more uneven art. Yet despite having long since been permanently killed off, Robotnik managed to linger on all the same. Fittingly, this era would feature some of the crappiest art of Robotnik yet, and at the same time would signal his temporary return to the books... in what was probably one of the worst Sonic issues ever. 

19. Chris Allan

A former regular on the Archie Ninja Turtles comic, Chris Allan theoretically should have been a perfect fit for the book, having demonstrated more than enough skill in drawing anthropmorphic animals that would qualify him to handle Sonic. Unfortunately, Allan was a rather prominent example of what I call ‘Sonic Complacency Syndrome’- it’s when an otherwise skilled and competent artist’s abilities turn to complete shit when they try to do Sonic. It has felled more than a few, and serves as a good illustration as to why it takes effort to do this shit right- Allan’s Mobians were poorly, poorly executed, and try as he might he could never quite get them right. He was selected to illustrate the ‘Tales of the Great War’ stories, which helped to flesh out the (underwhelming) details of the Great War and how Robotnik came to be Warlord. While his Mobians were sub-par, he managed to do a pretty good job with Robotnik. There was nothing in particular that stood out about his take on the guy, but given how the rest of his work ‘stood out’, that’s prolly for the best. 

19. Frank Strom

Frank Strom’s enduring legacy on the Sonic Book was the creation of the Dragon Kingdom and all the characters associated with it, including the infamous Monkey Khan. Frank Strom before working on Sonic was heavily involved with DC’s Looney Tunes comics as a writer, and worked extensively in Adult Comics. When it came to drawing for Sonic, he was.... not really all that good, at least when it came to Mobians. He had more luck with humans, including Robotnik, and was among the few to draw the guy before he had the bionic earsa nd eyes. While there is nothing especially bad about how he drew Robotnik, there’s something very... off, about the way he looks. Bit of an uncanny valley thing going on there. And as many before him did, Strom is yet another to draw Robotnik with a bulbous nose. Out of all the features that artists drawing the guy seem to mess up, it’s more often than not its his nose- which is ironic, given that this design has the least exaggerated nose out of any Robotnik and Eggman out there. 

20. Suzanne Paddock 

Susan Paddock is a bit of a mystery- she has only two Sonic works to her name, only one of them being a proper story, and I can’t really find much of anything about her career outside of the hedgehog. Still, the one story she illustrated for was perhaps one of the most out there ideas in all of the book- a story where Sonic winds up in a rules obsessed zone and has to clear his name with the help of a lawyer Sally Acorn called “Sally McAcorn”. Yeah, that’s not dated or anything (for those of you who weren’t children of the 90s, Fox in those days had a comedy tinged lawyer show called ‘Ally McBeal’, best known for birthing the ‘dancing baby’ meme of the early internet).

 Anyway, Paddock’s art style in general was really weird, and her depiction of Robotnik was no different- in this Zone an AI called ‘J.U.D.G.’, at some point in the past there was an organic Robotnik, and just... look at him. He has teeny tiny T-rex arms! And his body looks like it was glued onto his legs! Damn this was a weird ass story, and I’m still not clear if it was meant to be implied that the past Robotnik became J.U.D.G.E or not... yeah in addition to being weird, this was a crappy story in general. It was also the last time Robotnik in any form would appear in a Super Special, as between this stinker and the even worse ‘Naugus Games’ the line was cancelled. 

21. J. Axer 

Jeffrey Axer was one of a number of artists on the book who started out as a fanartist, and easily one of the most well regarded- bringing to the book an incredibly detailed anime-influenced aesthetic, he was responsible for some of the most gorgeous artwork to grace the early 2000s era of the book. Which is why its such a crying shame that the only times he got to draw Robotnik 1.0 where in a pair of Pro-Art pieces, both of which were miscolored. Seriously, why is it so hard to remember that his eyes are red against black??? Why??? Ah well- Axer’s Robotnik was cool looking, taking much of the SatAM Robotnik and making it fit into the anime aesthetic very nicely. I especially dig  the fang-like eye teeth and attention paid to his cheek bones. 

22. Ron Lim

Hooo boy, Ron Lim... I still wonder if he was a victim of Sonic Complacency Syndrome or if he just didn’t give a shit. Either way, Lim was a former Marvel hotshot who was particularly well known for his work on Silver Surfer. I am convinced that the reason he got the job at Archie was purely on the basis of having been a big name at Marvel, because lord almighty his artwork was just horrendous. Well, that’s not entirely fair- Ron Lim is in fact a very skilled artist, but the problem was? He was a poor, poor, poor fit at Sonic with a near total inability to even vaguely grasp the kind of style you’d expect for a Sonic book. What was worse though was that despite how awful his work on the book was, Ron Lim stuck around for a long, long time, to such an extent that he was practically the main artist for the book for much of the early 2000s. Yeah, not fun times. 

Naturally, his touch of dung extended to his art for Robotnik. Much like Penders, Lim struggled to reconcile the realism he was used to with the toony exaggeration required of the book, and ended up failing on both counts. Ron Lim’s Robotnik as an end result was a stubby, wrinkly looking guy whose appearance made it seem as though he had been sculpted from butter and was in the process of melting. Not helping matters at all was the fact that the story he appeared in was one of the very worst of the series, and a personally despised one. Lim’s Robontik is noteworthy in that it might be the most realistic looking of the various attempts at drawing Robotnik... this however was not a good thing, as much like Penders, Lim’s Robotnik was caught in an awkward area between realism and tooniness, and executing neither well. Still, this wasn’t the worst drawn Robotnik on the book. That distinct honor would go to the next on our list...

23. “Many Hands” 

Many Hands. A name which will live in infamy. Okay technically ‘Many Hands’ wasn’t a person but a bunch of people, but twice this name has popped up and twice the end result was just odious. Look at this. Just... look at this. Do I really have to explain why this is awful? He looks like a deflated baloon, his shoulder pads are all wrong, and the coloring and shading is just *garish*. This is probably the worst drawn Robotnik in the entire series, and given all the shitty art that came before and after that’s REALLY saying something. 

24. Dawn Best 

Another of the ‘New Wave’ of fanartists-turned-pro that hit the book in the early 2000s, Dawn Best was a much anticipated addition to the books, having made a name for herself in fan circles as a superb artist. She showed a great deal of promise, much of which was unfortunately squandered thanks to Ken Penders’ absolutely abominable inks making a hash out of the bulk of her art. While he slowly improved down the line, the damage was done. Regardless, Best remained pretty popular. She only managed to draw Robotnik once- her take on Robotnik was an especially chunky and brutish looking specimen, with a shaggier and more unkempt mustache than most. As I say far too often than I like, its a shame we could not have seen more from her... both regarding Robotnik and in general.

And thus we bring this chapter of the Historia to a close. Well friends, it’s the beginning of the end now- after this there will only be one last post to this artist retrospective, as we exit the Dark Age of the book and enter into what was a bright and shiny renaissance- the Flynn Era!  

[allthingslinguistic]

5 years of All Things Linguistic

It’s my five year blogiversary! Wow! Let’s celebrate by looking back at some of my favourite posts from the past year:

Articles 

Two Linguists Explain Pseudo-Old English in The Wake (co-written with Kate Wiles on The Toast)

A Linguist Explains Emoji and What Language Death Actually Looks Like  (The Toast)

Selected interviews and talks

Lexicon Valley with John McWhorter, talking about emoji, internet language, and being a public linguist

Interview on Science Friday (NPR), talking about about expressive punctuation and internet tone of voice.

New York Times: Snapchat and phatic communication and on The communicative function of emoji (Gaymoji) in Grindr.

NPR All Tech Considered: the linguistic style of doggo, pupper, and the rest of the dog rates/dogspotting meme and on twitter threads (tweetstorms).

How people lengthen words on Twitter at the Linguistic Society of America annual meeting, co-authored with Jeffrey Lamontagne (slides at bit.ly/longggg)

Word Curation: Dictionaries, Tech and the Future at South by Southwest

Workshop at the first Emojicon on the mistake people make in assuming that emoji are a language, and three paralinguistic things that emoji do instead

I judged the Five Minute Linguist talks at the LSA, a game of Emoji Karaoke at EmojiCon, and an emoji spelling bee at SXSW

Reviews

The Obelisk Gate by N.K. Jemisin

Too Like the Lightning by Ada Palmer

Word by Word by Kory Stamper

Lots about the linguistics sci fi movie Arrival: a few comments from me, another linguist’s twitter thread, linguistics cut scenes from the screenwriter, and a full list of linguistics media coverage. I also wrote a guide to more linguistics for people who liked Arrival, which I cross-posted to Medium. (Plus: an Arrival recruitment poster and meme.)

Linguistics jobs interviews

Speech pathologist

Book publicist

Science fiction writer 

Policy analyst.

Health writer 

Scholarly communications librarian

Lexicographer

Project manager

Linguistics and Artificial Intelligence careers

Explanations & resources

A list of linguistics and language podcasts

How to engage with someone who’s just given a talk

A phonetic guide to animating talking lips

Being a linguist is kind of like being a bird-watcher

What Blissymbolics can teach us about emoji

Back to school linguistics resources, revised and updated (plus video resources)

A clever demonstration of the difference between semantics and pragmatics

Pink Trombone, an interactive simulation of the vocal tract

Plans for AP linguistics

and a linguistics museum in Washington DC

Linguist humour 

A bad conlanging idea based on internet acronyms

What if we used mouth shapes of face emoji to represent vowels?

The pronunciation of gif, based on Old English

How to pluralize loanwords: memorandibles

English has developed a specific verb for tricking people into listening to Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up”

A smol dog will always be a small dog, but not all small dogs are smol

This is a noot

Linguists take on the “me, an intellectual” meme

A Gricean analysis of that photo with the bagpiper and the penguin

Ambiguity humour

Then they arrival for the nouns, and I speech nothing, because no verbs

Schwa cookies!

“i lik the bred”, a meme of rhyme and Middle English

Further linguistic commentary on the “i lik the bred” meme

“What” in phonetic notation

Paint colours invented by neural network

Linguistics takes on the student athlete emoji meme

Anti-prescriptivism

A 17th century rant against singular “thou”

If we’re going to be pedantic, let’s go all the way, Latin “errors” that became the Romance languages, and medieval griping about codeswitching

xkcd: Fashion police vs Grammar police

“Double negatives” in language are older than logic as a field

“The very things speech coaches advise women to cut out of their speech are actually signs of highly evolved communication” from an article featuring Robin Lakoff

An interview with Alexandra D’Arcy about why “like” is so interesting

Language activism

Debunking oversimplified myths around which gender talks more

On language-learning and decolonization of the mind

Scalar implicature and #BlackLivesMatter

Taming the steamroller: on communicating with Non-Native English Speakers

The important difference between swearing and slurs

Hating Comic Sans is ableist

The Standing Rock Sioux are also fighting for their language

“As social beings who are linguists, we have a responsibility to address language-related inequalities.”

The Universal Declaration of Linguistic Rights

Things about languages 

Someone wrote an academic paper on why Impact is the meme font

Blind people gesture (and why that’s kind of a big deal)

Sound symbolism is more common than we’d assumed

Singlish: the language the government tried to suppress

Vintage sexting acronyms

English ingressives include “sss” to express empathy

Gender-neutral language in Hebrew“

As a linguist, if you ever get bored during a conversation, you can stop listening to what they’re saying and start listening to how they’re saying it“

Google’s Noto font works in over 800 languages/100 writing systems

On the development of the Adlam alphabet

On the discursive function of “waslike”

Two articles about colour terms in various languages

A classic table of accidental gaps in English

What monkeys (and Neanderthals) might sound like

A longread on whistled languages around the world

RIP the inventor of pinyin

A schematic of why the Korean alphabet is so cool

Irish spelling has its own historical logic

The different versions of “I” in Japanese

Commentary about Shitgibbon Compounds (and follow-up)

Karuk in the Mother Language Meme Challenge

The middle finger in American Sign Language

Gifs and videos about aphasia

Hidden sounds in English that you don’t realize you’re saying

“Becoming conscious of previously unconscious phenomena is one of the principle joys of linguistic work”

Synesthesia and learning new writing systems

Egyptian hieroglyphs in Unicode

How to revive Massachusetts’s first language

A sentence containing all the vowels in (some dialects of) English

Three interesting articles by Julie Sedivy in Nautilus Magazine, about the role of linguistics in literature and more

Deciphering ancient Incan khipu string code

The linguistics of talking backwards

The Great Language Experiment

The ʻokina in Hawaiian

A visualization of Canadian Aboriginal Syllabics

Linguistics and pop culture 

Dialect coach from the show Outlander

Time-dating fairy tales with linguistics

10 years of standard English vs internet abbreviations

Novel sentences: CafePress takes down t-shirt…

As people use more emoji, they use fewer emoticons and nonstandard spellings

Why Justin Timberlake sings “May” instead of “Me”

How statistics solved a 175 year old mystery about Alexander Hamilton

Emoji syntax

The linguistics of writing protest signs

Grammaticality judgements and emoji

“lol” as “this is to indicate that this brief text isn’t hostile”

when you accidentally type a capital letter at the beginning of a sentence

Yoda’s syntax in other languages

Punctuation jokes about Emmanuel Macron

Collaborations 

I co-taught a course about Wikis and Wikipedia for Endangered Languages at CoLang with Lauren Gawne: 

Day 1 slides – getting started with Wikipedia

Day 2 slides – making your first edits on Wikipedia

Day 3 slides – using wikis for your own projects

Day 4 slides – Wikipedia in your language using Incubator

I also consulted on this video for the PBS Idea Channel about the “words for snow” myth.

Podcast

I started a podcast called Lingthusiasm with Lauren Gawne of @superlinguo. Here are our episodes so far: 

Speaking a common language won’t lead to world peace

Pronouns: singular “they”, other languages, and solving the gay fanfiction pronoun problem

A lingthusiastic review of the alien linguistics movie Arrival

Inside the Word of the Year vote

Colour words around the world and inside your brain

All the sounds in all the languages: the International Phonetic Alphabet

Kids these days aren’t ruining language

People who make dictionaries: Review of Kory Stamper’s Word by Word

Bonus episodes: 

Swearing

How to teach yourself linguistics

How to sell linguistics to employers

Follow @lingthusiasm for episodes, transcripts, and short highlight quotes. 

Book

I did a lot of behind the scenes writing on my upcoming book about internet language for Riverhead at Penguin. Here are the update posts so far:

I’m writing a book about internet language! (last year)

I have a (very rough) draft

I talked with The Ringer about why I’m lowercasing “internet” in the book

I have a full draft, with chapters and paragraphs

There’s a very occasional email list for book updates, if you’d like to make sure you don’t miss it on social media.

Haven’t been with me this whole time? You can see my favourite posts of year one, year two, year three, and year four right here. For shorter updates, follow me on twitter as a person or as this blog, or for a monthly newsletter with highlights, subscribe at my website.

[viewagain]

“Doctor Sleep”: Remember how great ‘The Shining’ is?

When “The Shining”, based on a book by Stephen King, was released, it was ridiculed and earned Stanley Kubrick, one of the greatest directors of all time, a Razzie nomination for worst director. Among the detractors of this now highly-regarded horror classics was author Stephen King himself. Stephen King went on to write and produce a TV adaptation of “The Shining” in 1997, which is held in high-regard by probably no one. In 2013, the sequel to The Shining was published and now there is a film adaptation as well, also produced by Stephen King. It is a sequel that is obsessed with “The Shining”, not the 1997 version, but – perhaps due to King’s own softening opinions – the iconic 1980 version.

Jeffrey Epstein didn’t kill himself. This statement has become a meme. When a sex trafficker who is friends with many prominent powerful people, including the President of the United States is going to give up his clients ends up “killing himself’ under suspicious circumstances, it lends itself to be one of the more probable conspiracy theories. Unlike those other ones about incredibly evil, wealthy people like the Illuminati, lizard people, or Satan worshippers who eat aborted fetuses to gain immortality. “Doctor Sleep” is not actually that far off from the latter. While “The Shining”, in very simplified way, is a family drama in a haunted house, the sequel is about a magical child must save the other magical children of the world from a group of evil magical adults who want to kill them to live forever. This may read like a YA fantasy novel, but the sequence where a young boy is kidnapped and brutally murdered as a group of adults crowd the horrifyingly screaming child and orgasmically breathing in his escaping life force is grotesque and genuinely upsetting. Especially when you think about the parallels in the real world.

Despite all the fantastical elements, this film is surprisingly realistic. You don’t encounter super-powered protagonists inappropriately quipping – characters vomit when seeing a corpse and their hands shake as they poor out whiskey to calm their nerves. Though the beginning can be quite chaotic, as it jumps between characters, states, decades, but once it is settled, “Doctor Sleep” is a slow-paced thriller that is tense and engaging on its own, independent of its connection to “The Shining”. Compared to its genre contemporaries it is well above average, but unfortunately, it is unavoidable to compare it to the horror classic that preceded it. “Doctor Sleep” is obsessed with “The Shining” and constantly reminds of Kubrick’s film. Therefore, despite all the praise one can give to Rebecca Ferguson’s hypnotically charismatic performance as the lead villain, you are reminded of Jack Nicholson’s insane intensity as Jack Torrance. Pretty much any villain performance loses in that comparison

It is not just Jack Torrance who is back, pretty much every character from the Overlook Hotel returns. Remember that lady in the bathtub from that one scene in “The Shining”? Be prepared to see her multiple times. Or that bloody tuxedoed partygoer who says one line? You’ll see him too! With “The Shining” being almost 40 years old, obviously the rolls are recast and for the most part, the film does a good job. Notably, Alex Essos as Wendy Torrance, though her screen time is  brief, is amazingly spot on. Henry Thomas, on the other hand, had the thankless job of portraying Jack. It would have been better to just not try.

Having recurring characters is not a sign of over-reliance on the success of a previous film, it is to be expected. As well as little Easter eggs, like a house number being 1980. However, it is crossing a threshold, when the final act is basically a reenactment of all the iconic moments of the predecessor – the blood elevator, a face in a shattered door, the shot of the great hall, a limping man with an ax and so forth. Some shots serve no other purpose than to be call-backs for people to recognize which is seemingly maybe recognized by characters in the film.  Similarly, the score is an endless tribute to the orignal, instead of just musical themes connecting the film. There are plenty of moments when the music does not fit, because it wasn’t really written for this film. This constant fan service is a detriment to “Doctor Sleep”. Call backs may excite some, but when it becomes this over-saturated, you end up thinking about how much better those moment are in “The Shining”.

One of Stephen King’s gripes with Stanley Kubrick’s version was the reduced emphasis on the alcoholism theme of the book. Jack Torrance was an alcoholic, tried to get clean, but the ghost of alcoholism claimed him. Alcoholism runs in the family, as it sadly tends to do, and Danny Torrance too has the vice of liquor. He tries to break the cycle. In the cycle of life and death, Danny, the titular Doctor Sleep, helps the dying in hospice care to go peacefully into the big sleep of death. This cycle, however, should not be broken, as the haunting evil spirits do or the aforementioned immortality seeking child murderers. Though it could never fully escape its sequel status, “Doctor Sleep” could have broken the Hollywood cycle of uninspired reboots and nostalgia-dependent sequel. It almost does. But then it limps over the finish line, dragging the corpse of the old classic instead of letting it rest in peace.

7/10

IMDB: 7.7 RT: 76% | 89%