#no judgement bc i am also a mess

[dreamofbecoming]

brain has gone fully blue screen 404 Thoughts Not Found

[00kittenz]

── desperation. ( psh ) 📠

pair: boss!sunghoon ㅊ employee!f!reader | warnings: smut, secret relationship, age gap (sunghoon is 10 years older), semi-public s.x (?), hoon is a needy boi, coercion, quickies, dirty talk, piv, no lube, no protection (don’t be like them!) | words: 1.4k

imagine boss!sunghoon being so needy n desperate for you at all times, he just can’t seem to keep his hands off you.. just needs to cop a feel whenever he can bc he’s that obsessed w you ;( he’s also willing to skip important business meetings just so he can bring you into his office when no one’s around and have you bent over his desk— loving the way your curves hug the work uniform in all the right places..

this is my very first ever post on enhablr !

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

“please?” sunghoon’s desperation grew as time went on, nothing but lust clouding his judgement. he had you pushed up against his desk, caging his arms around the slope of your waist, hindering you from any retaliation, utterly defenseless in his hold.

“i promise i’ll be super quick..!” he pleads even more, pressing wet kisses all over your face, his pouty lips still lingering along the rim of your jaw afterwards. “just need you, so so sooo bad.”

sunghoon has been “negotiating” with you for the past ten-ish or so minutes, playing every trick in the book he possibly can in getting you to fold like a sunday lawn chair for him. what may have prompted all this you wonder ? well, he simply got hard at the sight of you and now you’re the one in ‘trouble’ because he can’t function while being bricked up at work. you two had an odd relationship to say the least… he was your boss, the man you reported to every day and pick up his morning coffee before he arrives at 8 AM sharp, but you also sleep with him sometimes?? (you thought it would be just a one off occurrence but sunghoon wanted it to be a more frequent, fwb type of deal..)

you were seriously hoping that he’d leave you alone today, you had a lot of work that needed to get done within a short timeframe and distractions weren’t going to do you any good, however, you couldn’t just say no to park sunghoon. there were dozens of other women who’d kill to be in your position, they already tried to seduce him one, two many times before— except you of course. you were like the golden employee who always followed orders, listened to directions the first time, and did everything the right way, he’s never really had to reprimand you and even on the rare chances you do mess up, he’d handle it with you in private; just like how he’s doing now.

hell, sunghoon makes it excruciatingly hard to resist him. especially when his breath inched beneath your ear, silky strands of jet black hair tickling your chin as he begs for your touch.

“i told you i was busy— hoon, s-stopp !” you helplessly whine, your mind kept telling you to refuse but your body was saying a completely different story. he knew exactly where to pull the pin, knew just how to make you give in to his not-so-safe-for-work desires.

“oh are we now ?, too busy for me ? what happened to wanting to get that new promotion, huh ?” he cocks his head to the side, turning arrogant all of a sudden now that he can use something as leverage over you. it’s a shame that he has to stoop to such low levels but he’s willing to try whatever method that’ll get him exactly what he wants.

as he whispers in further detail all the naughty things he wants to do to you, your legs were brought to a tight close, wanting nothing more than to relieve the ache you felt between your plush thighs; you feel dirty, disgusting for wanting your boss to fuck your brains out, it’s unprofessional, you shouldn’t be doing this— letting him have access to you whenever he wants almost felt dehumanizing.

though, you be lying if you said he didn't strike a bone in your body, maybe 3, or 4.. 10 at most. hell, maybe even all of them. some days you were able to keep your cool and act as though he had zero effect on you— however, he was just so unable to resist at times. you couldn’t help but be attracted to him; even if he was an asshole sometimes, you secretly liked it in a sick, twisted kind of way. if he was going to play this little game then you may as well play right along, plus you weren't gonna just walk around with soggy panties without getting something in return, right ? right.

“oh ? giving in already, guess you really do want it that bad, huh ?” he smirked childishly as you finally cave in, rubbing up against him, spreading and burying his knee between your thighs.

“shut up, do you wanna? or not ?” so over his annoying little antics, you gradually wiggled your hips against his toned, muscular thighs.

“it’s cute when you act all needy for me.” his hands caressed your waist, taking your leg to his hip, in effect your pencil skirt riding up your thigh.

you felt his clothed dick against your core as he pressed his body against you. sloppily taking your tongue against his.

you've always wondered how this man could get you so hot and sweaty all over a few words. then again, as long as you’re pleased; does it really matter ?

“fuck..” you spoke, hand grabbing at his tie, the melody of his luxury belt being unwrathed gave you a tsunami of chills. “quickly, i have a meeting in..” you checked you wrist, reading the analog watch that sat delicately along your veins. “15.” you heaved heavily, he tugged down your tights physically prepping himself with his hand.

“thats enough time to make me bust twice.” he chuckled. his length entered your puffy, dewy pussy.

“quick busser !” you laughed, knowing it'd strike a chord within whenever you tease him.

taking your ass in his hands before he paces himself. “you love when my dick coats your pussy in a thick coat. so, suck it.” he groaned, kissing onto your collarbone to keep himself quiet.

his office wasn't what people would call sound proof, but at a good distance from the door, nobody could be able to hear you. but keeping you quiet would deem to be the most difficult part.

sunghoon bear hugged you keeping you tight against him, he thought fucking you in your work attire, especially your tights, had to be the sexiest shit to dance on this earth. it's honestly why he's here. the way the thin black fabric wrapped around your thighs, he could just picture your sloppy pussy, wrapping around him. balls deep. and you took him so. so. so. well.

“ugh, yesyesyes..” your ragged breathing swam through his ears, giving him an ounce more of stamina. “shit !” your clit throbbed at his lower abdomens slight back to back friction, you grind up onto him, to feel more of that reminiscing release edging you.

he nibbled at your lips before taking them against his. “shut the fuck up. you dont— hell..wanna get caught do you ?” he swatted your thigh, thrusting himself at a slower, but rougher notion.

“fe—feel so good, nggh.. hoon..” you whispered, biting at his ear.

your forehead glistened with sweat, the buttons of your shirt leaving your perky breasts opposed and exposed. you threw your head back at the pulsating between the two of you, you could feel him. throbbing, and hardening inside of you, and it turned you way the fuck on. just as your pussy throbbed against his hard.

“c'mon mama.. you wanna drench your boss’s cock? huh ?.. wanna make it all gooey with your cum ?” he pushed you closer and closer with his words, as if him ramming into you wasn't enough.

“yes.. wan' make it gooey, baby !” you whispered under your breath. throwing your head back, leaving your boobs to bounce under the escaping light of his blinds.

“then cum, be a good girl..” sunghoon’s breath quickened, he was near the edge himself, if not on it.

the two of you, moaning into each other's lusty mouths, aching for more. your groans becoming quickened and hoarse as the burning knot in your stomach leaves you in discomfort. until a strong stroke came to pop that growing bubble inside you, releasing you of all your numbness. you came onto his thickness.

sunghoon, lost it at the feel of you tightening around him, lays you down onto the desk, pushing down on your stomach. he could feel himself through passing through your entrance. just thinking about it, left him blissful.

“fuck, fuck ! 's fuckin' right, squeeze me baby..” he finally broke, leaving all his pellent inside of you, slowly pumping himself a few more times before sliding out. his figure, breathing heavily, leaning onto your heaving chest.

you could hear him chuckling after awhile of comfortable silence. “looks like you're gonna be late for your meeting miss. y/n.”

“you so owe me.” you glare up at him as if this was all his fault.

“i do ?” he kissed your tummy.

“yeah, you do actually.”

“and what may that be?” he raises his brow, pushing up his thin framed glasses.

“a real date.”

“can i take you back to my place after ?” he kissed your tummy through your shirt once more.

“deal.” you grinned, catching your breath.

you were a dirty mess. a mess that sunghoon, had absolutely no problem with cleaning up.

[slices-of-naranja]

I desperately need to organize my thoughts but if I don’t get this out now I will forget it, so take some vague circular incoherent ramblings about Jason motherfucking Grace.

Jason Grace has this weird kind bluntness about him that I desperately need to study. He’s so normal in a fucked up way. Almost regular. Almost an Average Kid. Brutally honest and kind and pragmatic. He wakes up on a bus with no memory, holding hands with a girl, and he’s immediately like “What the fuck. Who are you people. Where am I. Who am I?” Doesn’t even try to play along to figure out what’s happening.

One of the first things he says to Leo is “You’re weird.” Just “You’re weird.”

Jason is judgy as fuck!! Like!! Such a judgmental motherfucker!!! “If Leo is his best friend, then his life is seriously messed up.” Like!!! What the fuck!!! Be nicer to the man you fall madly in love with!!!

He sees Mean Kid (monster) Dylan and immediately goes “fuck that dude.” (“Jason hated him instantly.”) He even mentally makes fun of the guy’s outfit!!! And he roasts the shit out of Dylan’s fucking shiny ass teeth!! He sees two girls being mean to Piper and he literally, despite not knowing where he is or why he’s there, tries to fight them!! And Leo is the only thing holding him back from immediately throwing hands!!

Mr. “I can’t even take Leo out for burgers bc he’ll set the restaurant on fire.” After the 1 (one) time Leo gets too excited and bursts into flame. (Leo not being able to control his powers as a consequence of finally starting to use them after years of repression is something i WILL be talking about another time)

Jason is a judgy, brutally honest bitch. Like, he’s kind and good natured and strong. But years of being raised by wolves, strict deadly Romans, and being praetor have made him a little bit harsh. Rough around the edges. Just a bit off. This is the dude who was like “hm. Yeah I know Nico’s ur boy but… world is ending. So.” He’s been raised to be pragmatic. Make snap judgements. Be harsh. Be deadly. Like, reading his PoV is so different from the fandom characterization.

Jason is wittier, snappier, and wayyy more regular teenage boyish than I thought. He just has that Roman Demigod Edge to him… the part of him that was trained to scream “MONSTERS! MIST! MAGIC! DANGER!!!” even when he had no memory. I need to study this boy so badly. He’s fucking fascinating.

Bc for all his judgement, he grows so quickly attached to people. Like, it doesn’t take long for him to be fiercely loyal to Piper and Leo and Camp Halfblood. I think that’s because they accepted and loved an imperfect him, and while Expectations were still there, expectations he’s been haunted by his whole life, they’re lesser. Bc Piper and Leo don’t know shit fuck about the mythical world. And the rest of the seven are just as strong and capable as Jason, so he has no need to lead. I don’t know. Jason Grace drives me crazy. Marching to his destiny like a good little soldier. No other options for a son of Jupiter. Have to be strongest, have to be praetor, have to lead a legion-

He loves Nico like a best friend. He adores and admires Leo’s wit and talent and smarts, something that is mentioned a lot in his POV. (While also pointing out Leo’s bullshit.) He envies and admires Percy’s strength. He loves Piper’s brashness and heart. He loves them all. I don’t know. He’s quick to judge but he’s even quicker to change his mind. I forgot where I was going with this. Jason Grace has always been a hero at heart and a soldier since age 4 and I think that’s why some people think he’s boring. He’s trained to be serious and stuff. We don’t get to see him goof around very much, except for with Leo, and Leo does most of the goofs. And I would love to know who Jason Grace, judgmental pragmatic kindhearted bitch, would be if he just got to be a regular teenager.

And I think that’s why he loved camp Halfblood. It gave him half a chance at being half normal. What’s one more big three kid? There’s no strict orders or rules to follow or shape him there. But unfortunately, Jason, hero at heart, soldier since age 4, trained to be selfless, trained to give everything up for the greater good, was never going to get a happy ending. Never get a chance at what Percy Jackson found. Being a demigod kills people. And Jason was one from birth, to his very core.

I think part of him would be relieved, at that. Knowing that Percy Jackson, hero with a happy ending, is someone he will never be. Never overcome or surpass. Yeah, it’s the exact reason they’re rivals, too similar to not be compared, yeah it hurts his pride and goes against everything he was raised to be, and yeah he’s had a few silent breakdowns over it, but there’s relief in knowing he’d never win. Being in Percy’s shadow at Camp Halfblood means he can be out of the spotlight. Die a hero’s death while knowing there is no other option. There’s peace in that.

Anyway New Rome represents heteronormativity and Camp Halfblood is Jason figuring out he’s gay. I will not take criticism.

[eneablack]

remus in my dr

(i already shared these but i really miss him rn so i wanted to make a post on all the things i cherish about him.)

first, his personality. he’s very similar to how he’s represented in All the young dudes, he’s imperfect just like that, not soft but truly real and unique. he’s independent, honest and straightforward, mature and chill but he can be funny when he wants to, intimidating lol, he’s really protective over his loved ones, but he also has many flaws that make him so real and beautiful, really. he’s very complex. he’s not really sweet contrary to what people present him in those scenarios, he’s laid back but he sometimes can’t contain his anger with people who go against us, he’s unbothered if they mess with him and reacts only when it’s about his closed ones, and with us he’s very straightforward and surely lets us know if we get on his nerves lol.

he’s not a touchy type of person, but he often would brush his pinky over my hand when we’re close. he did this even before we got together, it’s just something that he does, could be also unconscious i’m not sure. when we became a couple he wasn’t too afraid to hold my hand sometimes, he doesn’t mind if people are judgemental (which is often what we encounter) and that’s probably because he can be scary lmao, he just doesn’t care, but he would make sure i want it and am comfortable with it (also bc i wasn’t the first times).

he’s tired all the time and would sleep at any occasion if he could. he sleeps like a baby, he breaths deeply and makes little noises. sometimes he would slip in my bed at my dorm and lay over me (he’s freaking tall therefore is heavy and would basically crush me but that’s fine) and put his head on my stomach so i would caress his hair and he would just knock out. he’s a deep sleeper too, like not even a scream in his ear would wake him up (exaggerating rn).

um, he kisses very well. one day we decided to meet at night in the slytherin common room and there is a muggle radio always turned on, so we were sitting quietly on the sofa next to the fireplace that was slowly falling out and then he kissed me (i sound calm but i am not), and there was the song “cover me in roses” by golden laurence and i know this song in this reality but it never had a meaning, now it does, so yes this is our song now i don’t make the rules.

as far as I’ve seen for the some months we got in a relationship, he’s very caring but he doesn’t really show it, he’s not sweet almost at all but just because that’s how his personality is like. his love language is like he’s always available for me and takes time to pass some time with me and talk about anything, even if he doesn’t talk much generally, he’s more of a listener.

when i go to therapy, both here and in my dr, i always feel so drained and tired to the point that i’m annoyed by anything and can’t even talk and can’t do shit for the whole day (yeah that’s how much it affects me idc). so when i’m in cr i just go to my room or the garden at my house to simply do nothing, hoping that no one will talk to me cause i would just reply with zero patience or sometimes i would just straight up sleep. but when i’m in dr, yeah i do the same, but there’s him and he’s always available when i need him, so i would just secretly crawl in his bed at the gryffindor’s and he would caress my hair and not speak a word, cause he just knows what i need.

[thatrandomidiot182]

Reader messed up by telling Jace she wanted to be the one to kill his brother…like how did she think that would go over with him? I am curious of why she thought saying that would bring him to her side?

Oh yeah, Reader fumbled so bad. To be fair, she wasn't really thinking at the moment, kinda just blurted it out, she didn't say it as a way to bring him to her side, more as a way to get him to stop bashing Aemond.

I mean, this is the first time Reader and Jace meet after Viserys' death and before all out war.

Reader has plans and she knows that if it came down to it, she would never hurt Jace, so she's desperate to sway him to her side or at the least get him to run away with her.

Them running away tg was best case scenario, but as we know that didn't work out at all!

Anyway, as the convo continues Reader begins to get more and more desperate as Jace continues to refuse her offers. If they don't come to an agreement now, she knows it will be the end of them, no matter the winner of the war, their relationship would never be the same. Jace is being incredibly unswayable about this, and all for what reason? Because of Aemond.

There were many details left unsaid about Lukes death, so Jace latched onto the facts he did know.

Aemond hated Lucerys, and he was the one riding the dragon that killed him.

2 + 2 right?

So he goes on to reprimand reader for loving such a man, a murderer.

Reader loves Aemond as much as she does Jace so hearing him go on and on about how horrible Aemond is really gets to her. She has always stood up for Aemond because everyone villainizes him, and this case was no different.

She tried to convince Jace multiple different ways that Lukes death really was just an unfortunate accident but Jace is as stubborn as his mother.

He's also mourning, so he's not thinking very clearly either.

He latches onto the first conclusion his brain comes to as he hasn't had the proper time to process it all.

He knows that Reader also loves Aemond, for some odd reason, and he normally refrains from being too vulgar about his uncle for that reason, but he can't find it in himself to stop.

Honestly, Jace's tirade about Aemond wasn't all true, he was just venting and if he had gotten the chance to finish and calm down, he would have apologized and actually listened to reader.

However, Reader was highkey frustrated bc Jace kept insulting Aemond, and having witnessed Aemond's genuine remorse over the incident she began to feel more and more pressured to 'clear' his name, as well as becoming more anxious about Jace leaving for good. The conversation wasn't going how she wanted it too and it left her extremely frustrated!

Thus, she jumped the gun and blurted out what she believed to be the truth in an attempt to absolve Aemond of yet another lie ruining his reputation.

She immediately regretted it, especially because she didn't mean for it to come out as it did.

Had she wanted to kill Lucerys? Yes.

That is the undeniable truth, however she never actually told Aemond that, and she never actually would have done it either, seeing as Jace genuinely loved his brother.

Now, Aemond was incredibly pissed at Luke no doubt, but he was still his nephew and not to mention, a child. No matter how angry he was he didn't ever consider killing the boy, he simply wanted to be properly avenged, Luke's death took that chance away from him...

Reader could have stayed and explained her words more thoroughly but Jace wouldn't have heard her out at that point.

In short, the reason she said what she said was due to a lapse in judgement, a rush of emotion and desperation.

It all could have been avoided if either Jace or Reader was patient or thinking clearly, or practiced clear communication properly lol.

I actually plan to write an ending where they clear things up before leaving Winterfell...

HOWEVER!! This is not the end for Reader and Jace canon-wise!! I do plan on having them reconnect at some point before the end of season two, I just haven't figured out how...

Hope this answered your question anon! If not, please don't hesitate to ask me again bc I can sometimes overexplain and still completely miss the point lol.

[captn-trex]

technical devotion, part fourteen: changes

a/n okay so I have no restraint, I uploaded the last chapter and then immediately wrote this and am posting it immediately. also I am sorry I cannot write lingering conflict, I have no backbone. also new banner!! bc I'm indecisive. now that you know all my issues, enjoy! content warnings: depiction of a panic attack, smoking

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Echo had expected things to be different when him and Kan got back to base, but he hadn't expected it to be so immediate.

They had barely set one foot inside before they were whisked into command, where Kan was informed that her skillset would prove useful for mission planning, and that she would take on more responsibility from now on, gaining the unofficial rank of Sergeant. She had been honoured, of course, but it felt like something that was very much out if her comfort zone. She wasn't a leader, she was a follower, and that's how she liked it. Though, if Rex had faith in her, she trusted his judgement.

Echo was happy that he'd be working with Kan more regularly now, but so was almost everyone else in the room. He couldn't blame his brothers, she was gorgeous, and almost elusive to most of them, having never spoken to them. He watched on painfully as she reunited with Howzer, jumping into his open arms and hugging him tightly, and as they stayed touching each other, catching up excitedly.

Then he watched her reunite with her other friends from across the mess, Oscar ruffling her hair as he hugged her from the side, and Teddy high-fiving her and embracing her for good measure for beating Howzer to a proper command position.

Echo felt so foolish.

Foolish that he thought he was special because she was kind to him, foolish that he thought he was lucky to get to experience her touch, and foolish for ever even entertaining the idea that she could possibly harbour feelings for him.

Kan was kind, but she gave out her kindness to everyone without exception. That's what made it so hard for Echo to feel negatively about her - it wasn't her fault, it was his. His mistake.

And now it was too late to do anything about it.

He had fallen for her. Hard. And now he would have to carry on as if she was any other person at the base. He didn't know if he could, and so, reluctantly, he tried to distance himself from her.

Kan noticed immediately when Echo started pulling away. For one, whenever he had to address her in the command centre, he would call her ‘Kan’. She didn't mind of course, it was her name after all, but she had got used to him calling her ‘M'aira’, and she much preferred when he called her that. He was the only one who did, and that's what made it special.

He also never came to see her in her office, never said a word if she ever sat with Rex and Gregor at meal times, never spoke to her before bed, and she hadn't looked into his eyes since the day they got back. It hurt her a lot, and the only logical conclusion she could draw was that he was embarrassed of her. Embarrassed to call her M'aira, embarrassed to talk to her, and embarrassed to even look at her.

She didn't know why he felt that way, but it was obvious that whatever bond they had created during their time away from base was just a one sided thing. That it hadn't meant anything to Echo.

Between that and her new command position, Kan was extremely stressed out.

Her brain was going at a klick a minute, unable to shut off from either mission plans or Echo. She couldn't focus, and the only respite she got was sleep but that would elude her because the cause of half her problems was sleeping right next to her. She had begun sleeping in her office again, though her back certainly wasn't happy about it.

Teddy was a perceptive clone, and he could see how haggard she had become. He contantly asked how she was, but she would always just say she was tired, that was it. She had none of the usual spring in her step, and after a couple weeks of it not going away, and only getting worse, he finally did something.

He dragged her outside after dinner, with the aim of getting her to relax. He took her over to the edge of the platform, and they sat down, looking out on the view of the deep reds and browns of the rocky terrain that surrounded the base.

“Here” He offered her his cigarra after he'd taken a drag, “To help you relax”

“No thanks” She said simply, accompanied by a weak smile.

“Kan…” Teddy began. He didn't really know what to say, but he tried his best, “What's going on with you? And I want a real answer this time”

Kan looked up at him sadly, her eyes glistening, before looking out to the view again. “I don't know, everything is just too much at the moment” She took the cigarra from his hand and took a long drag before passing it back.

Teddy watched on in worry, “What is? It might help to get it off your mind”

Kan sighed deeply, exhaling the smoke, “It sounds so ridiculous when I say it out loud though”

“I'm sure it doesn't, come on” Teddy urged, and he could see her cracking, beginning to open up.

“Well… for one, being a Sergeant is absolutely no fun” She said pointedly, and Teddy chuckled.

“Why not?”

“It's so much responsibility, I can't stop thinking about how my actions affect everyone here, how I could be the reason for someone being killed or captured by the Empire” She explained, her shoulders slumping with each word.

“Have you talked to Rex about it?” Teddy asked.

“No” Kan laughed, “I couldn't, he's such a natural, he wouldn't understand”

Teddy shook his head, “Just because he's a natural doesn't mean he lacks empathy. I'm sure he'd be able to help ease your worries”

“Maybe about that” Kan mumbled, loud enough for Teddy to hear it.

“What else is going on then?” He asked, taking another drag.

Kan looked out at the view despondently, slumped forwards onto her knees. He gave her the time to answer the question on her own time, which took longer than he was hoping.

“It's Echo” She finally whispered.

“Echo? What about him?” Teddy hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary with him.

“It's- We-” Kan sighed aggressively, “We were getting on so well during our mission, but when we came back, it's like he hated me or something. He never talks to me unless it's regarding a mission but even then it's more talking around me to other people, and he never looks at me anymore, I just-” She stopped herself before she could get choked up.

“You just what?” Teddy pressed.

Kan chewed on her lip, “I really thought he might like me back, you know?” She said quietly, and Teddy understood immediately.

He placed his arm around her shoulders and hugged her into his side. “I know, I know” He spoke soothingly, rubbing her arm.

Kan rested her head on Teddy's shoulder, “It's just embarrassing, to be wrong”

“Yeah, but hey, that's on him. If he doesn't like you, he's a di'kut”

Kan looked up and saw the small grin on Teddy's face, and her own lips curled up, “Yeah?”

“Absolutely, you're a catch” Teddy said, earning a small giggle from Kan.

“Thanks Teddy, so are you”

“I know” He smirked, resting his head against hers as they looked out again.

“Thanks for bringing me here, I really needed this” Kan spoke sincerely.

“No problem K” Teddy squeezed her slightly before standing up, “Let's go inside yeah?”

Kan didn't respond immediately, looking over the setting sun, “I think I'll just stay here for another moment, watch the sun set”

“Alright, I'll see you later then” Teddy said, giving her shoulder a supportive squeeze before walking away.

When she knew Teddy had left, Kan finally let herself cry.

She let out a choked sob, the product of bottling up her frustration, anger, sadness and embarrassment for weeks. Now that she had popped the cork, she couldn't stop the flow of tears that fell from her eyes. She pulled her knees to her chest and buried her head in them, her vision blurred and her breath ragged.

She thought of her mother and father. She wondered if they would be proud of the work she was doing. She thought of Master Unduli, she thought of Spider, she thought of Senator Organa, she thought of Rex, Howzer, Gregor, Oscar, Teddy, and finally, Echo. Every insecure thought, every nasty thing she ever had to say about herself clogged her mind in an instant, and she felt as if she couldn't breathe.

She let her legs hang over the side of the platform again and gripped the edges tightly. Her eyes were screwed shut and her breathing was only becoming more unstable, no matter how much she tried to calm it. Her stomach was in knots, she was choking on the tears that wouldn't stop falling, and her body was shaking involuntarily. She knew what this was, she had experienced them enough, and she just hoped that if she could grip the platform hard enough that it would subside quicker. She had no such luck.

She heard her name shouted, but to her it sounded feint, like she was underwater. She curled up again, facing away from the voice. She heard them again, and felt someone touch her back gently, though they might as well have struck her with lightning for how she reacted.

She flinched away, trying to find her voice, managing to choke out “Go away”

Her own voice sounded foreign to her ears in this altered state of being, but she couldn't think about it for too much longer before she was enveloped by a pair of arms. She rested her forehead on the person's chest, heaving and trying to calm herself. As she came down from the worst of it, something about the person felt so familiar, and she soon realised exactly who it was when they brought a hand to the bare skin on her back, and it was exceedingly cold and smooth.

She knocked herself backwards, falling onto her backside as she looked up at him, the catalyst of all her problems. Echo was looking down at her with worry painted on his face, and she frowned as her breathing evened out more. She scrambled from the floor and uttered apologies as she ran away from him, back towards the base.

Echo followed after her, catching up to her quickly and moving around her so he could stop in front of her.

“M'aira, what's going on? What's the matter?” He asked, placing his hands gently on either side of her arms.

Kan didn't say anything. She just stared at him, her chest heaving and a deep frown settled over her features.

“M'aira?” Echo said quietly, stepping towards her, but Kan stepped back a few paces.

“Why are you calling me that?” She tried to speak plainly, but her voice was still thick with emotion.

“What?” Echo asked, confused as to why she would ask that.

“Aren't you worried someone is going to see us talking?” She asked, her voice breaking.

Echos heart fell from his chest, “What do you mean?”

Kan could feel her bottom lip begin to quiver and she instinctively dug her teeth into it to stop it. She wasn't going to let Echo see her cry. Well, anymore than he already had.

“What’s going on M'aira, why are you upset?”

The use of the nickname once more sent her over the edge, “Because of you!” She shouted, though her anger was swallowed by embarrassment as she barged past Echo and made her way inside.

Echo stood frozen on the spot.

Because of me? But I haven't even spoken to her in… oh.

He quickly followed after her again, not entirely sure where she was headed but he hoped it was towards her office. He saw the door close from the end of the hall and heard the lock engage immediately after, something he didn't even know the door was capable of.

He knocked a few times, and heard Kan sniffle but she didn't reply.

“M'aira, please open up” He said gently, leaning his forehead on the door.

“Go away Echo” She replied, and Echo sighed deeply.

“Kandam'aira… please, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you”

The door then zipped open and he fell forwards slightly, finding himself in the room as Kan closed the door again.

“What did you mean to do?” She looked up at him sternly, her cheeks stained by tears.

“I-” He couldn't admit to his feelings right now, that would only confuse her, “I just thought you might want some space”

“Why would you think that? I thought we were friends, Echo. Friends at least look at each other from time to time”

“I know, I'm sorry, I guess I just figured that we'd been together for a while and you might be sick of me” He stated, though it came out more like a question.

“Well I don't” Kan crossed her arms, and Echo blinked at her.

“Don't what?”

Kan rolled her eyes, “I don't want space”

“Oh, right” Echo said awkwardly, and Kan felt her undeniable fondness for him returning as she looked up at his blushing cheeks.

She then quickly wrapped her arms around his torso, hugging him tightly, “I missed you”

Echo could feel his heart ache as she gripped him tightly, and he matched her hold, resting his cheek on the top of her head, “I missed you too”

Kan pulled back, looking up at him sheepishly, “I'm sorry you had to see me all…” She wiped her cheek, “Panicky”

“I don't mind, I'm just sorry that I caused it” He said, bringing his own hand up to wipe the wetness from her cheek.

Kan sighed, “It wasn't just you”

Echo gave her a questioning look and she shook her head slightly, “I'm just stressed, but I'll be fine”

“What are you stressed about?” Echo pressed.

“Nothing, I think I'm going to get an early night now” She said, opening the door.

“Hey” Echo gripped her shoulders lightly, “We can talk about it if you want?”

“Another time maybe” She smiled up at him, “Goodnight Echo”

Echo sighed with a worried smile, “Goodnight M'aira”

Kan's smile grew at the use of the nickname as she stepped away from Echo, hoping its return was permanent.

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

Look….more mommy hwa and more answered asks about Christopher being possessive and freaky…

I needed this thank you 🥹

Today is very very hard and I’m feeling a lot of hard feelings and life rn so overwhelming and confusing. I’m the type of person who’s got a hard shell but it’s made of like bulletproof armor on the outside but I’m v gooey and sensitive inside. I didn’t realize I needed some good brainrot inducing delulu soup to distract me so 🤌🏻 thank you

CW: WHORNY AF HARD THOTS AND DELULU SOUP

So Christopher *sigh* idk what I want to ask just my aqua sun6h/Scorpio moon3h/Leo rising/aqua Mercury 7h/sag Venus5h/Leo mars1h ass is like…………

Imagine him like soft dom but so so so into like corruption but not necessarily always meaning inexperienced partner, but maybe inexperienced in all the kinks and little taboos. I read him as wanting to break someone who’s normally very strong minded and kept together and so like very much Brat Tamer I guess. Like after he makes you cum on his mouth and then on his fingers, he wants to degrade you in the gentlest way and praise you, his voice saccharine, while he manhandles you and fucks you hard. You’re cock drunk and starting to cry a little from how good it feels and from the overstimulation. The type to make you tell him out loud what you want and where you want him and that you don’t want him to stop and make you beg him to cum and tell him how good he feels and that only he does that to you bc he’s possessive and he’s got an ego and needs you to need him in every way possible.

something about him and his Gemini rising tells me he might be good with his hands ~that might be my hand kink tho clouding my judgement(Gemini Lilith 😅) ~ *cough*cough*

ANYWAYS

He wants to break you open and make sure you can be that vulnerable and submissive to him and him only, also to know you at a very deep level. Whether you get to know him at that deep of a level is another story and depends on how deep he is in his fuckboy ways. He wants you a lady in the streets and HIS freak in the sheets. But he totally wants to corrupt you and his sag mars: he wants to try new shit with you and be adventurous and explore new kinks etc etc.

Every break down of this man’s chart has me like “oh yes pls, 😊. yes ma’am I’ll take one, where do I purchase this?”

And everyone’s like he’s this and that and potentially toxic in these ways and idk if I’m enamored by his Libra charm or what but I’m like “I can handle him, the question is actually ‘Can he handle me?’” and it’s very delulu but also I think that thought is kinda true. (hypothetically and astrologically speaking) In my little brainrot soup for the night 🥰

I can’t even begin on mommy Hwa and the gooey lovey mess he turns my brain into. Something about him is so tender but also like so so so so so freaky but like gentle but so fucking kinky? Idk that man + mommy kink + body worship + needy/clingy doms is so so so good. You’re one of my fav fic writers, and my fav mommy hwa enthusiast. Thank you for serving and thank you for your brain and thank you for the distraction on a hard day like today 🖤

Much appreciate, have a lovely rest of your week, and as always cool pillow on both sides for you!

I CANT PUT PICS IN ANONYMOUS ASKS WTF…. Fuck it I’ll go off anon for this

This is 🖤Anon on my side blog/lurk account 😅

I am ending tonight's 2 hour post of going through my asks with this absolute banger of an ask from @youre-alittle-taste-of-hell and also hi Izzy!

I'm Ruby! It's nice meeting you *hugs*

I understand how life can feeling overwhelming and frustrating when things don't go you way. I am also a golden retriever disguised as a black cat and us fire placements want love and care too.

I hope things get better for you <3

Imagine him like soft dom but so so so into like corruption but not necessarily always meaning inexperienced partner, but maybe inexperienced in all the kinks and little taboos.

This section has me feeling shit at 10:33 pm on a Tuesday afternoon while watching Chris D'Elia 'Man On Fire' on Netflix.

I just love how Bang Chan stans have silently agreed that Chan's corruption kink is fucking massive and do we have any physical evidence?

No-

But with his massive caregiver complex and Daddy kink, it kinda goes hand in hand.

I can just imagine that paragraph so vividly just him covered in sweat, his black hair sticking to the sides of his face and his mouth all shiny with spit and your cum just smirking at how fucked out you are, your eyes are beginning to cross and there's drool against the pillow.

'Don't black out on me yet baby girl, mmmh? Daddy still needs to cum'

OR...OR!!!

You're crying and sobbing against the pillow because he's edged you within an inch of your breath and the pressure is so tight it HURTS and your legs are spasming and face contorted with need as you just beg your pretty heart out.

'Please, I can't take it anymore, please make me cum, I'll do anything, please Daddy i just need it'

And then he would hover over you, wipe the drool from your mouth and press gentle kisses across your face as he pushes himself into you.

'See, that wasn't so hard wasn't it? Daddy will always reward my baby girl when she asks for something yeah?'

I also don't know how ppl enjoy being edged so severely man, I would tap out after 20 mins.

Overstimulation all the way for me.

Yeah, his Gemini Rising means he would be an exceptional kisser and great with his fingers.

His Libra stellium also means he has amazing stroke game but moving back to the kissing.

I feel like he would be a messy kisser (in a good way) like the loud smacking noises, drool and spit, definitely makes little sighs and noises of satisfaction in between kisses.

When Chan leaves his fuckboi era, sex would be incredibly emotionally intimate because he loves and adores how he sees you in a way no one does.

I have this thought that sex with Bang Chan could be so intimate, you would both end up crying and not in a dacryphilia way but in a 'i fucking love you so much and it's so emotional' way.

As much as Bang Chan likes fucking, he enjoys making love more.

And here's the thing right, Bang Chan's frontal lobe has developed so he doesn't even has the neurological excuse of 'well his brain is not fully developed yet' because NOW IT IS.

Also, your placements are low-key intimidating because wow, they are powerful.

I think Bang Chan would like the challenge of being able to handle you.

Seonghwa is definitely freaky and kinky and is very hardcore, he likes it hard, he likes it rough, he prefers a jackhammering pace (which is a bit of an ick of me because that doesn't sound enjoyable but okay).

I think the reason why jackhammering gives me an ick is because rough and fast doesn't always mean good okay?

I think a slow but deep and firm pace is better because you can get a better angle and hit the right spot every time.

But I also understand that some ppl like being treated like a battering ram during sex and that is also okay.

He would give you brilliant aftercare and reassurance though and that's what matters.

Thank you for the thirst my sweet, I will gobble this up and use this as my fantasy thoughts for sleep tonight.

Yum yum.

[moonshynecybin]

but they do not STAY divorced right….what combination of whacky hijinks of trying to avoid the camera brings them together (or at least closer)

yes of course it is much harder to ignore someone from two feet away than from the other side of the paddock!! especially with no closure...

so for real i do think like. every non-au scenario for reconciliation has to start with vale. bc hes kind of the guy who blew everything up. if vale starts something, marc's gonna meet him where he lives after a bit (maybe a long bit lol), but marc is also. very good. at clamming tf up about stuff like sepang. look at last race. bez (vale heir) goes after him in the press and marc literally did not engage with it at all. he said NEXT. i dont have time for CLOWNS. like i think he is very invested in not getting sucked into the valentino vortex and keen on protecting himself after all the mess from their falling out. so hes not going to be the one reaching out. ALL THIS TO SAY: how do we get vale to put aside all his pride and delusion and suck marc sloppy style.

EYE lean towards (in the absence of a post-retirement existential crisis) pure horniness being the thing that flips the lever. marc is canonically a thirst trap king. so vale is now haunting that damn garage like it is his job. he says. i am here to keep tabs on my baby brother. everyone with eyeballs including his brother can see. he is here to check out marc. who is mysteriously missing his shirt.

marc becomes aware of this. and despite his better judgement leans into his intrinsic slut tendencies. like HEY. he hasnt gotten laid properly in since 2015 (per dr baking-soda) and CRUCIALLY. it feels good. and hes trying to feel good more often. and try as he might to break the habit, he still enjoys it when vale looks at him. olivia_rodrigo_bad_idea_right?.mp3.gov

all this to say vale breaks after marc starts doing PT shirtless like these iconic gifs. just sweaty and neck bared and making insane faces and insane noises and vale in the corner with his little energy drink just nodding at luca and absorbing none of what he's saying bc marc's behind him on a table looking like he's in an arthouse porno. gold skin tense abs the whole thing. anyways vale drags him into a room and they get NASTAYYYYY and the dam is broken. they are fucking like monster trucks, they are inventing new levels of undernegotiated kink, they are laughing in bed a surprising amount that reminds them both of how good it used to be when they were together... marc is getting his pussy WORKED out. honda hospitality turns into an HR violation and luca is in the corner. annoyed.

[qweenofurheart]

could u explain ur ocs and ur uviverse? theyre pretty cool but idek what their names are💗

DW I GOT YOU! I know my posts aren’t very organized so I’ll try to make this sort of an overall guide.

GUIDE TO MY ORIGINAL CHARACTERS:

1. You Ate My Heart 🎀

This was an idea for a graphic novel I started in high school. The premise was a bit ridiculous (involved love spells, multiple dimensions and very abstract existential ideas) but I still am very fond of the characters and the themes of friendship, romance and depression, so I might eventually make something with them :)

Characters:

Kitty Chau/Zhou 🐈

She is the protagonist. She’s a Malaysian-Chinese student who immigrates to the USA in order to live up to her own academic expectations. She is honestly kind of a depressed and irrational person, but she also feels a lot of empathy from others. The premise begins because in a lapse of judgement she eats two hearts and ends up casting love spells on two others.

Winghead 🪽

He is one of the most popular guys at Kitty’s school. He is absolutely normal aside from the fact that he has wings on his head and no one knows his real name except for his family. He is well liked for being nice and chill to everyone. He used to date a girl named Inez (shown below) but they broke up at the end of Junior Year, and he still seems torn up about it. He is one of the people Kitty casts a spell on, and because he knows everyone in town, pretty much everyone knows when he starts acting awry.

Veel Abigail Drake 👹

She is a demon princess lol?? Kitty is jealous of her ability to express herself unflinchingly. She has some magical abilities like breathing ice and fire. She comes from another dimension (that is well known in the world, it’s just treated as like another country) and has a belligerent and extreme temper. She has a strong moral code that doesn’t really apply well in delicate situations. She is another person who Kitty spells, and bc she’s a princess, it messes up generations of politics LOL

The story seems SO serious but to be honest 90% of the time I draw these guys, it’s for the shits and giggles

2. Driver OCS 🏎️

I got really into motorsports this year (NASCAR, Le Mans, F1) so I started working on a story just to enjoy researching and writing a realistic + fun character within the world of racing!

Characters:

Santana Marsh 💥

He is half-Spanish one-quarter-Catalan and one-quarter-Irish. He was born in Louisiana but moved to North Carolina as a kid. He is 27 years old and I have written an entire backstory starting from when he began go-karting at age 8. He’s pretty much been driving his whole life. He’s competed in the Allison Legacy Series, Xfinity Series, Nascar Cup Series, and the WEC/Le Mans, and in 2024 he was signed onto the Scuderia Ferrari Formula One Team.

He’s very calm, jokey, and drives like no one else. However he also doesn't like to examine his own emotions due to his difficult relationship with his father after the death of his mother, which is something he needs to work on.

So if I were make a comic or something about him, it would be about his 2024 season, where he meets my other F1 driver characters, etc.

Logan Abujhaad 🌊

He is a rookie - two years into his F1 Career on the Mercedes Petronas team. He is 23 years old and Franco-Marocain. He has had a much less lucrative career than Santana and has a wealthy background - he grew up in Marseille. He competed in Formula Renault, Three, and Two with the support of his family.

He is polite and charming and has a lot of female fans. He’s ruthless on the circuit, and is quite promising as a rookie from his determination alone. His story follows his rivalry with his teammate and his friendship with Santana, as well as his personal struggles with his nervousness and regrets.

I also have other Formula One characters but these are the main two. You can see my other characters in this post.

I think my dream outcome for this project is to make an animated film. Who knows!!

If u have other questions or just want to add a comment feel free to send an ask!

[iamfitzwilliamdarcy]

I made a much shorter post about this earlier, but Taylor in TTPD talks a ton about coming of age famous (and female!) -- and I think the two obvious songs are "But Daddy I Love Him" and "Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?" (another read more bc it got super long sorry)

"But Daddy I Love Him" has been talked about a ton by now, and while I think most people are missing the point (which is another post), I do we have all picked up on her rejecting judgemental assholes who don't actually care about her--

I just learned these people only raise you to cage you Sarahs and Hannahs in their Sunday best Clutching their pearls, sighing "What a mess" I just learned these people try and save you ... cause they hate you

But who raised her? It was the media, the society she's been a part of since she was 15. There's also a sense that they raised her but she wasn't actually allowed to grow up-- Growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all. Her coming of age in this setting has led to this arrested development.

Interestingly, she brings back the caged imagery in "Who's Afraid of Little Old Me":

… You caged me and then you called me crazy I am what I am 'cause you trained me

"Who's Afraid of Little Old Me" probably has a lot more in common with "Mad Woman," but the setting is what makes her the way she is-- I am what I am because you made me this way--and now you have the audacity to judge- she compares the coming of age in fame both to a circus, where they tamed her--

I was tame, I was gentle 'til the circus life made me mean "Don't you worry, folks, we took out all her teeth"

and to an asylum--

… I wanna snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me You wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

The asylum comparison also comes with the history of women being institutionaized despite being healthy because of how they reacted to either male mistreatment or societal mistreatment -- and I don't think her Clara Bow comparisons are randomly selected either

We can circle back to the religious imagery in "Cassandra" too-- in But Daddy I Love Him, she sings:

God save the most judgmental creeps Who say they want what's best for me Sanctimoniously performing soliloquies I'll never see ... You ain't gotta pray for me

and then in "Cassandra," she says: "Bet they never spared a prayer for my soul" -- it's a lot about Kanye, probably, but she's lumping the gossipers in here too- When it's "Burn the bitch," they're shrieking / When the truth comes out, it's quiet"

(if you're in any type of religious circle, you know there's frequent discussion of various societal ills that have "become" religion to people-- politics, celeb gossip, etc etc) -- no matter what, it's all sanctimonious, it's all for show-- there's no deep held religious belief, there's no genuine charity for her--

This is conversation with fame, with her coming of age in fame, with all the ways she gave herself to the society and was rejected or judged or hated or hurt-- it was being raised by people who hate her -- and then to turn around and write "Robin"-- her protection of a child until he's ready to bounce back from the cruelty of the world-- the cycle ends right here

[estbela]

pleaseeee elaborate on your robul marriage post bc i've been thinking about this concept all day....!!! i need a full length post 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

I'll try my best but I am terrible at explaining myself sometimes but I will for you anon!!! (and also because RoBul has been consuming my thoughts lately)

(Also this post is a mess and I probably got some info wrong i'm sorry)

First of all, before actually talking about RoBul I do need to mention the history behind the proposals!! So during the Middle Ages, you probably know that Bulgaria was an empire, twice! And At times, Wallachia & romanians(who were called vlachs at the time alongside probably othee ppl who were also called vlachs, which yes, makes it confusing to research.) were part of it. The guys who founded the second bulgarian empire (Asen & Peter) were also probably vlachs, so there was cooperation between the bulgarians & vlachs in the empire.

This was one of the reasonings for the union essentially, that bcs they worked together well in the past, they would also work well tovether now, and together be pretty strong. Bulgaria especially would have had a lot to gain through the union(it wasn't independent and had only recently gained some autonomy from the Ottoman Empire), which was the reason proposals mostly came from the bulgarian side.

Anyway yada yada yada all the proposals for the union were fruitless, because of a lot of factors, which could be basically summarised like this: Neighbouring countries didn't want this to happen, and both Bulgaria and Romania had different goals and plans, sometimes that contradicted eachoter.

But if somehow they had succeeded to unite, well, that's certainly an interesting scenario. And now I will mention the union of Moldavia & Wallachia, which would form Romania. You see, those two principalities weren't allowed to truly unite by the powers of Europe, but they had not said that the danubian principalities could not elect the same leader to form a personal union, which led to Romania.

During the reign of king Carol I, he had considered doing this, aka being elected by Bulgaria too, to form a union of this king, but this was strongly opposed by Russia & Austro-Hungary, so yeah. But if he had somehow done this & Austro-Hungary & Russia didn't like...attack...uhmm...Romano-Bulgaria (I GUESS???) immediately, I guess Robul would officially be married!! Let's say they unite in like the 1880s.

Which comes with a lot of questions, obviously, that I will gloss over and just focus on RoBul. Thing is, I think Ro & Bul have somewhat different opinions on marriage. I mean, I see Bul as being way more keen on the concept of marriage than Ro is, so like Ro isn't very into marriage I guess? I see him aa someone who really values his freedom and independence, and isn't very willing to tie himself down, thought he'll do it for someone he loves. And that someone is Bul in this scenario.

Honestly...I think at first it is alright. I think Ro would have more control thought, similar to Austro-Hungary in a way, since from what I read, it would have been a similar kind of union to this one. I think Bul would be fine with this tho, especially at the start. He trusts Ioan(my human name for Ro) and his judgement, and Ro would also seek his opinion on things. Ro is happy about having control on some stuff.

But they do clash, quite a lot. Their personalities and view on things and their friends are different. Serbia is Ro's friend...while him and Bulgaria often don't see eye to eye. Russia and Bulgaria as well...yeah. Ro does not like Ivan very much, and Tsvetan also has conflicted thoughts on him, but veers towards liking him.

And also!!! Unless Bulgaria somehow achieved independence, Romania qould go back to being a vassal. Which well, I doubt Ioan would be fond of that. Honestly, I cannot say if being an union would help Bul achieve independence sooner, but it is not that important I suppose.

Also the capital of such a state would probably be Bucharest, like how the capital of Austro-Hungary was Vienna.

And to continue, as time goes on, I do think all these factors, including the political and cultural differences do put on a strain on their relationship. I cannot say if they would even enter the Balkan Wars, but this would also be a reason for fighting between them. Romania tends towards being neutral and really thinking things through while Bulgaria does tend to act based on instict and feelings, so I can see them participating in the first balkan war, and when Bul does not get what was promised for him, I can see him wanting to start the second balkan war, while Ro is trying to stop him from doing so, because it would be pointless in his opinion (as he was less focused on Bul's goal to unite with Macedonia and more focused on Transylvania and Moldova, which was definitely something they argued about!)

But I think they do have good times, really. I mean, being together like when they were children (in the middle ages) is wonderful for both of them. I think they can be very sweet together, and being marriage would def appeal to them because of being almost always together.

And now I am gonna stop talking about alternate reality and focus on their relationship more(because I suck at alternate history). The thing is, as I already said, where Ioan thinks, Tsvetan feels. And I think they do appreciate eachoter for these qualities, but in the end when you have different opinions about a lpt of things it's very hard to be in a marriage, especially if this marriage holds the fate of a country. I think they'd try to pretend those problems aren' there, thought, until they eventually have to face them with no way to run away from them. Alrhough I see Tsve as more willing to talk about things, while Ioan wants to pretend nothing is wrong and is non-comfrontational unless he believes talking will help him.

So at the end, things are...bad. towards the first world war, their relationship is already standing on it's last leg, but WW1 in this reality is what kills it truly. They each become their own country, like Austro-Hungary, and just, not talk to eachoter for a long time.

Althought...there is another scenario, in which they unite in the communist era. So like, everything happens the way it did in actual history until the communist period, where somehow those 2 manage to unite. I guess they'd fight for different reasons then, as again Bul kinda likes Russia & Ro Does Not. They probably separate in the 90s.

Also in these scenarios RoBul 100% has a way more complicated weird relationship going on and they do make it other people's problem.

[asterlark]

life update!!!

okay so idk if i've talked about this here but i spent multiple months last fall working very hard on grad school applications and ended up applying to 3 different schools for masters programs for distance/online learning since i don't want to/can't really move for in-person school currently (also not saying what concentration i'm going for & what schools bc i'm trying not to dox myself lol)

and over the last month i've been so so anxious bc this is the time frame for the schools getting back to me on their decisions... i got one acceptance... then a notification that i was placed on the waitlist for another school & would hear back in march... then a second acceptance..... and just now i got an update from the school that waitlisted me (also my top choice!!) that i've been accepted!!!!

this is wild to me because despite so much encouragement from friends i never truly believed i could get in to all three schools i applied to, i'm so used to expecting rejection that i'm still somewhat in shock but also so so excited and grateful and just AAAAAA

this is a lot to process since i'm simultaneously experiencing heavy grief from losing two people important to me over the past few months, but i'm trying to remember that life really is just joy and pain jumbled together in a big chaotic mess and it's okay (even necessary!!) to feel every horrible and beautiful and terrifying thing all at once

getting great news amidst feeling so much pain and grief is confusing and scary even as it's incredibly exciting, and i'm trying to have grace for myself to feel all the things i feel without judgement or shame. i AM proud of myself though and i am starting to feel like the hard work i've put in (and am still putting in) in therapy & in rebuilding my life in general is paying off in how i treat myself & have hope for the future even as i feel so desperately sad.

if you're also going through it i am sending all my psychic beams of caring energy your way, and if you're also trying to celebrate something or find moments of joy while the rest of your life & the world are on fire i'm strapping on a little party hat and celebrating with you. we CAN and WILL get through this and there is so much joy to come and cool people to meet and cute animals to pet!!! hold my hand we'll go there together!!!!

[disabled-stuck]

hi so dave strider is just like me for real hence:

i definitely think dave has ocd, especially moral scrupulosity, real events theme, and false memory theme. this presents as him confessing to perceived evils of himself to those around him, especially bro bc he views him as a figure of judgement. he values others most when they are willing to shun him for what he perceives to be a horrendous act he has committed, and will go to lengths to convince others of this belief as a compulsion. in addition, he has a checking compulsion in which he will consistently travel through time in order to make sure he hasn’t messed up due to false memory theme and whatnot, and will check up on future selves as well to ensure that he will not fuck up in the present. but of course, with ocd, even that is not enough.

he confides himself in other daves, as they are the only ones he can trust, and because rose read him like a fucking book last time. and with this, he tries to judge himself and constantly check in order to make sure he isn’t evil. in addition, he probably has the harm theme, especially due to bro, and probably is constantly paranoid that he will hurt those around him. he believes that if he does not keep a constant and watchful eye on himself and his thoughts at all times, he will lose hold of himself and ruin everything.

you can definitely see the ocd thinking in the way that he talks too. a staple of ocd is the fact that the frontal lobe is nearly constantly active because the brain is in a near constant perceived state of threat. at least- that’s what i’ve been told by psychs. and you can definitely see that in how he speaks, mind constantly active and thinking and planning every message.

also, i am SO projecting here but he def has dp/dr due to time issues. personally, we struggle with dp/dr as the passage of time feels nonlinear, and it feels as though my “real age” doesn’t match up with my “present age”, as though i am in a separate time from everyone else. he experiences the exact same thing. obsessively keeps track of time and the passage of it, ensuring that he doesn’t waste a single second. thinking about it too hard definitely causes derealization or depersonalization episodes too.

thank u for coming to my ted talk

dude your mind is the size of a large house

[glitterymumfriend]

Spoilers for season 2 of Good Omens, none of my friends have finished watching it yet and I need to Word Vomit

I’m so glad Neil has confirmed a s3 is planned bc it’s one of the only things getting me through the heartache (aside from the millions of fix-it fics appearing in the aftermath

BUT

But but but

I know loads of people have been jumping on the “something was UP with the coffee” theory and I also am 100% behind it, and maybe have an adjusted theory that I haven’t seen anyone else talking about so-

The bit that got me with the coffee ordered was less the oat milk, but the almond flavour added to it. Some people have talked about there being lore somewhere about almonds having an Effect on angels, but my thoughts went a different direction.

In one of the earlier episodes, we see Crowley down some laudanum and begin to act very strange and out-of-control. Now I know it’s at least partly an act, a way for him to deny that he was willingly helping Do Good, but what if it wasn’t totally an act? What if poisons have an impact on angels/demons, in a similar way to alcohol?

One of the most famous poisons used in media, arsenic, is often described as having the taste of bitter almonds.

What is Metatron laced the coffee with arsenic, knowing it would mess with Aziraphale’s judgement, and used the almond syrup to hide the taste???

I just had to post this somewhere because it’s driving me insane, so yeah here we go lads enjoy my take on the ever-growing conspiracy theory

[messymindofmine]

Ok so here we go with part 4 of my series. Just a quick disclaimer bc I am only going to say this once. As this series focuses on characters through the lens of their relationship with Robby and we all know that Robby has been done dirty in one way or another by just about every single character on the show, there will be a fair bit of criticism. Fair criticism being the operative phrase here. I have no intention nor desire to shit on characters for no reason. This is true of all characters. While I may be harsher on some characters than I am on others, it isn't due to me hating them but rather with the magnitude of how much wrong they've done. Also, while the main focus is the characters' relationships with Robby, I will be exploring the characters themselves as it their own characteristics that impact the relationship they have with Robby. I will also add that loving and defending characters is fine but I think that being able to call out flaws and acknowledging valid criticism is actually a healthy way to interact with characters. Let’s just remember that criticism does not automatically equal hatred and part of an analysis means making warranted criticisms.

So for this post I want to talk about Robby and his relationship with Kreese and by extension Silver.

What I find really interesting about Kreese is that he really does believe in what he’s doing. He truly doesn’t think of what he did to Johnny as abuse. Instead, he actually seems to view Johnny as some kind of surrogate son and extends that to Robby. He talks about “three generations of Cobra Kai” as though it’s some kind of family legacy. He continuously refers to Robby as “son.” 

From the moment Kreese is reintroduced, we can see the effect he still has on Johnny. For Johnny as a child, Cobra Kai was an escape from his horrible stepfather and Kreese did play the role of a father figure for him. It’s hard to admit that the person you view as a parent is actually the reason for your pain. Hell, we see this repeated with Robby and Johnny. Even when Robby can admit that his father has hurt him, he still craves his attention. With Johnny, he internalized the abuse Kreese inflicted on him to such an extent that it took decades for him to even acknowledge that Kreese had done something wrong. 

When Kreese returns at the end of s1, Johnny is shocked and definitely not as happy as Kreese hoped Johnny would be. They fight and Kreese once again hurts Johnny badly. However, despite this Kreese is able get under Johnny’s skin once again and convince him that Kreese has changed. Johnny believes him which is understandable and lets Kreese back into his life. It’s only after the school fight when Johnny begins to question everything around him that he starts to escape Kreese’s grip. 

One thing that is obvious almost from the moment Kreese returns is his desire to get Robby into Cobra Kai. He constantly tells Johnny that it’s not right for Robby to be with Daniel and that he should be with them instead. He keeps referring to Robby as “our boy.” It’s almost impressive the lengths Kreese goes to to get Robby into Cobra Kai. 

It’s hardly surprising that Robby would trust Kreese despite everything because when Robby was completely alone and scared, Kreese was the only one who even bothered to show up for him. Kreese was the only one who visited him in juvie. Sure, he had ulterior motives and Robby certainly wasn’t interested in what he had to say in the beginning. However, Kreese taught Robby how to fight back in a way that actually stopped him from getting beaten up in juvie. I find it interesting that before Robby even gave Kreese a chance, he actually looked him up. He looked Kreese up and learned about him without any biases clouding his judgement. Of course, none of the articles that he looked at would have told him the truth about how messed up Kreese actually is. So for Robby, it really did come down to who was there when he needed someone and that was Kreese. Of course, Kreese was the only person to acknowledge what really happened in the school fight. That Miguel was the one who escalated the whole thing and Robby was the one who was trying to stop it. 

In 3x10, Robby watched as Johnny and Kreese fought. Bearing in mind that the only reason Johnny was even at the dojo was to get back at Kreese for what he did to Miguel. He didn’t even know that Robby was there because he just let Robby go off on his own but he was willing to storm the dojo and fight Kreese for Miguel. So Johnny sees Robby and Kreese goes into his spiel about “three generations of Cobra Kai.” Kreese may be messed up but everything he said in that scene and in previous scenes since s2 all show that he truly does view Johnny as a son and by extension Robby as a grandson in an extremely warped way. So Kreese and Johnny fight and Robby sees it all. He sees Johnny on top of Kreese actually about to kill hi. Johnny only stops when Robby tells him not to do it. So now on top of everything else, Robby has also had to see his father almost kill someone. Then he outright tells Johnny how much he has hurt him and Johnny just stands there. Then when Robby snaps and starts fighting him, yeah Johnny says he doesn’t want to fight Robby but then proceeds to throw him into a set of lockers and knocking him unconscious. Yeah, it was an accident but there were so many things Johnny could have done in that moment to stop Robby that didn’t involve pushing him into those lockers. Then when Robby regained consciousness and went outside where Kreese and the others were having their standoff, Robby tells them to go. Johnny could have insisted he stay, he could have asked Robby if he was alright, he could have done lots of things but instead he chose to walk away thus making it clear to Robby that his only option was Kreese. Daniel said “keep your Cobra Kai away from our kids” yet had no problem leaving Robby in Kreese’s clutches.

Despite everything, Robby still wasn’t completely sold on joining Kreese. He told Kreese that he wasn’t interested in being a pawn in his games. It was really only after his conversation with Tory and then with Sam at the skatepark when he saw that there was no place for him at Miyagi-Do that wouldn’t require him to debase himself, he went to Kreese. Mind you, even then he makes it a point to tell Johnny that he doesn’t really trust Kreese. For Robby, going to Kreese really was more about survival than anything about Cobra Kai.

Robby’s relationship with Silver is interesting because he is the only person with the exception of Kreese who isn’t scared of Silver. Sure, he was bit intimidated by him at first but even after being beaten up by Silver, Robby never feared him. Robby clearly knew from the start that Silver was dangerous yet he had no problem openly challenging him at the avt. Then in s5, he took it a step further and challenged him in front of all his students. Silver by that point was already clearly unhinged and made it very clear that he would not hesitate to hurt Robby but Robby still looked him in the eye without a hint of fear. 

It’s interesting that there are similarities between Robby and Daniel when it comes to Silver. Both have been his students. Both understand just how dangerous he is better than anyone. Silver for his part seems to have a personal interest in both Robby and Daniel. With Daniel it’s obvious and goes a lot deeper but he became obsessed with Robby as soon as he found out who he was. He watched as Robby was teaching Kenny Miyagi-Do and tells Robby he knows enough to kick all their asses and then challenges him to a fight. There was no reason for him to do that other than to show Robby how much power he could exert over him and Robby understood that message. He taunts Johnny in the prom episode by saying that he would take care of Robby. He also looks directly at Robby at the avt and tells him that it’s his chance to prove to Johnny and Daniel that they don’t need him. He makes it a point to address Robby when even Kreese didn’t say anything. Even in s5, during the beatdown with Johnny, Silver is actually the only person to point out how Johnny has screwed up with Robby. 

As far as Kreese in s5 goes, now that he feels that he has been well and truly betrayed by Johnny and Martin Kove has even said will likely target him in some way for revenge, it’s highly possible he might try something with Robby. Robby obviously will not go back to Kreese but Kreese may target Robby. With Silver, I doubt we have seen the end of him. Given the murky legal situation regarding his arrest, I certainly don’t see Silver just accepting defeat. I’m actually interested in seeing what happens to these two in s6.

You can also see my other posts on Robby and his relationships here

As always, thank you so much to anyone who took the time to read this post and leave a reaction. I truly appreciate it. I hope to have the next post in my series up as soon as I can.

[sol-consort]

I was so upset when I thought Grunt died because I was like “I’ve seen him in different cutscenes though what’d I do wrong???” Luckily Grunt is the goat and lived because he’s Grunt. Wish I took him on missions more but you can’t beat the Tali/Shepard/Garrus combo I rocked the entire Trilogy

I love my fatass son even if he blocks 60% of my shots by walking directly in front of my camper Shepard just right after I pull the trigger then yells at me for friendly fire WHEN HE WAS THE ONE TO WALK IN FRONT OF MY SNIPER.

anyway so, I love him so much! I was a few seconds away from opening the task manager and force closing the game bc I thought for sure he died and I didn't want to finish the unskippable cutscene. I would've kill a that rachni queen a thousand times over if it meant Grunt got to live, zero hesitation.

Thankfully his bloodied limbing body emerged eventually and I have never felt happier in my life.

I wish him and Eve had an interaction since the two of them were in the medbay during the same time but oh well. She would've definitely fell hard for my glorious beloved son and forgot about dusty crusty Wrex!

Also his email after he recovers is so

OF COURSE MY BELOVED SON, I WILL SEND YOU ALL THE SHARK VIDEOS IN THE WORLD. SHARKS ARE VERY SMOOTH SKINNED AND MISUNDERSTOOD CREATURES WHO ARE CURIOUS BY NATURE JUST LIKE YOU MY SON. I AM GLAD IT IS NOT DOLPHINS YOU HAVE AN INTEREST IN SINCE DOLPHINS ARE DEVILSPAWN SOCIOPATHS.

it is super adorable that both the animals he is obsessed with are from earth just like Shepard, dinosaurs and sharks.

Wait are turians dinosaurs who survived their own meteor radiation-

Anyway! Here is more on the game report so far. I am falling asleep as I type.

Story plot

So far enjoying everything, the story writing is amazing and the dialogue is pretty hard hitting at times. Sometimes bloated but oh well. Tuchanka felt like such a big pay off to a huge build up since the first game, the quest delivered a full course meal.

Especially the reaper fight oh god, you get to feel powerless for once with a brute after brute after brute being thrown at you and no obvious spare ammo laying around. You just have to gun it (Ha) to the controls and avoid getting sqaushed like a bug by the reaper or charged by the brutes like a football.

Cloaking is a god sent gift that spared me so many times, I pray the brutes never develop thermal vision or the braincells to employ technology that uses it.

Mordin's death hit hard man, it was so right tho. It felt like it was meant to be, I wouldn't have cared for a random salarian. But Mordin? Oh no.

The fact he sings the model of a salarian scientist during it is the knife twisting in the back after the stab.

It's so clear he is doing it to calm himself down, to not mess this up.

It's a reminder of how much he has given to science, his whole life, identity and hobbies. His music, youth and great mind. So many of his beloved students too.

And he dies correcting the mistakes of superiors playing politics who let fear cloud their judgement.

Wrex calls Shepard his sister in it, Wrex has not hit on me once, I am unbelievably thankful for his writers and so overjoyed with this lovely platonic relationship between them.

Because yes they do feel like siblings!

Still, ME1 Wrex now feels like a different person in comparison to ME3 and I am not talking about believes.

I mean he used to be less open with us, less animated and more shut on himself and brooding. Now he laughs, makes jokes and gets excited, I'm really happy for him! It's like he found his true purpose and passion in life.

Kaidan

I forgot how sappy and adorable he is, when sorrounded by badass characters with edges so sharp it could cut a paper, you get so used to them and someone awkward like Kaidan easily stands out.

He's unsure, confused and just so very human. He's still trying to do the right thing while looking at Shepard for guidance. The fact he doesn't think twice before refusing Hackett's offer to have his own ship just to be with us again.

I don't think Kaidan feels complete without Shepard. In his romance he is so sappy and adorable too, earnest and speaking from the heart. Since the first game he was one for romantics and rarely relied on sexy flirting but rather love confessions are more his forte.

I mean look at this man my heart

I he is just so fjkwkcbaoxjs <3333333 he is the softest person in this whole trilogy, even Tali and Liara are more jaded than him at times. But he still acts as if we were his first love, as if he is a schoolyard boy giving his crush flowers and asking their favourite color.

Femshep

You mentioned only playing as maleshep so I'm not sure how different our experiences are, so I will mention the things I think are exclusive to femshep here.

In the reconcile scene in ME3 where your ME1 romance takes you back after you romanced someone in the second game, they accuse you of cheating.

Apparently maleshep can say it isn't cheating because they broke up with you on Horizon. But femshape has to apologise for cheating??? It's very weird idk dude.

I installed a mod that just let me have the maleshep dialogue instead.

You can also hit on Joker when he asks you about EDI.

And have a full conversation on him being with you instead.

He rejects you and says he's not Kaidan (ouch) and doesn't date crew, he will follow you into hell but not into your quarters.

EDI doesn't wear a uniform so he feels okay dating her.

Can you hit on EDI as maleshep?

Talking about EDI, it's making me really uncomfortable how openly the game is being inappropriate about her. I get she has a hot body and that's perfectly okay, but why does every other person feel the need to comment on it and sexualise her? Like she's an object or something.

ME1 had this problem with femshep where antagonists would hit on you to show them being trashy or whatever and the paragon option is to swallow it down and keep talking while the renegade option is to call them out on it.

And in ME2, someone calls you a stripper, and a turian npc asks about your boobs.

I thought they fixed it in ME3, and true, so far, femshep doesn't get these weird comments.

But instead everything was turned on EDI and the game keeps bringing it up and it's just gross my dude. At least Shepard could tell them to fuck off but EDI can't.

James Vega is a character I really like! I loved his bro relationship with Shepard so much. Even as femshep he still says "hey man" or things like that.

But it is weird when he hits on you out of the blue without any prior interest indications. I envy the platonic bro relationship he has with maleshep, really wish femshep could have the same one.

He isn't even a romantic interest, you don't flirt with him or anything. He just hits on you sometimes. Because. Woman. Ig.

Eve opens up to you more as femshep, that was nice and made me feel better. She is one of my favs too, I love everything about her.

Thane

The Thane romance broke me oh my god.

He calls you Siha when he warns you about the citidal attack. In his romanced ending, his last ever act before dying is to literally pray for you, not for himself but for you. For his goddess to forgive you and grant you eternal love and peace, his son even joins him.

He says your heart is pure despite all, that's the goddess should keep you by her side and make you a companion to her much like you were to Thane. The moment is so touching and genuinely emotional I actually cried.

The voice actor for femshep is phenomenal in this too. You get used to Shepard's harsh and commander voice tones and suddenly it's all soft and quiet, whispery and on the blink of tears and it literally cracks your heart open and makes you realise how this big strong commander is crumbling watching the love of her life die in front of her.

And the dress looks so out of theme i know but the context to it just makes the scene even more sad.

I didn't know the citidal mission would start, I didn't know about any of this when I finished tuchanka. I just picked the prettiest red dress I could find because I was excited to see Thane again and wondering if he'll kiss Shepard again because he mentions he can't do it much bc of his sickness and would need some rest so I assume a mission or two will reset it.

So in my mind, I'm getting ready for this cute date with Thane, dolling my Shepard and all excited and happy walking to the citidal. Thinking about him and looking forward to his dialogue and make I'll take some pics with him in this pretty outfit.

But it's...he doesn't get to see it. He doesn't get to see Shepard in her pretty dress that she wore for him because she had to change into armour for the mission. Then he gets stabbed and you can't even stay by his side after he saved you from an assassin.

Btw that assassin scene was so fucking cool, it's easy to forget how badass Thane is and how deadly he can be even while dying.

By the time it's all over, Shepard had to go see him in the same red dress for their date because If I went to the Normady to change he would've already died. There is no time. This outfit that was supposed to celebrate their love has become the dress for his funeral instead, the date on his deathbed and it's squeezing my heart painfully.

Like that is the oufit of someone who thought they had more time, of someone who didn't realise how close tragedy came by.