#no joke when i googled one of these i got the number for the st lucian helpline.
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the things i google to make fall out boy art. if i were institutionalized again and they needed to go through my search history to decide whether to release me i would not be freed.
#dils declares#google search riptide google search plane crash google search noose google search rope google search judas iscariot (saint?)#google search head on car crash#no joke when i googled one of these i got the number for the st lucian helpline.#which i was happy about because when i was younger if you googled suicide hotlines the nearest one youd find was in barbados.#but like. not at the moment girlie im fine.#suicide discussion //
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Also can I please point out... how fucking easy it would be to scam people
It takes so little programming and coding knowledge to make a social media website front where you add your silly little email and password (you know, the one you use for every other account you have because you "will for sure forget, plus I'll change it later lol"), and store that in a database or sell it off to someone who can do real harm. Not to mention that any links you don't Immediately Know are potential IP crawlers, which will give away even more information. And the "please add your legal name and last name, don't worry, we will never show that information publicly" alongside the date of birth (which you don't even think about before adding) is all they need to get full access to your medical records, maybe even your bank account if the nurse on the phone "just want to double check, is this your new address? The old one I have is 800 Cherry St, in AZ, is that incorrect?"
Listen. I know username squatting can be important, I know everyone wants first pick at whatever new socmed will be big because it'll give you more of an opportunity to garner the earlier audience... or whatever. I get it.
Don't be fucking stupid.
This is a moment in history much like when insurance became commonplace, much like when debt and medical and bank phonecalls became frequent, much like when the postal office started contacting you directly with online orders... you are a prime fucking meal for scammers who will have such an easy time fucking you up if you aren't careful about what Fancy New Social Media Website you sign up for, and be fucking aware that the effects of having your information stolen will not be immediate, because that's not how scammers work. People sit on credit card numbers for months, on name/address/dob combos for years, you won't even know when they hit you.
I know we're all getting used to the big shots stealing our information and selling it to the police (thanks Amazon and Google) but I can't stress enough how you CANNOT be comfortable with this, DO NOT be careless with where you drop personal information, DO NOT just shrug because "the FBI or w/e already have info on me, Cambridge Analytica already happened" because that's how you get got by the small guys, and that's how you end up with the feds at your door for talking about beheading the president "as a joke" on an account that has your location on.
DON'T BE FUCKING STUPID.
every day I get on here and see some post going "do not make an account on ZYLPPHONE, the hot new social media! it turns out making an account gives the creators (who are nazis) instant access to your bank account and also causes your pets to explode!" and this is all very baffling to me because I cannot believe anyone is actually fucking around with new social media platforms that shit sounds exhausting. if tumblr ever gives up and goes all the way under I will simply turn into a crab and go back to the sea you will not be finding my on zylophone
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March 18, 2023-March 19, 2023
Take Me Home, Country Roads
As of leaving Nashville, we had travelled 2378 km. Each kilometre was filled with fun and memories. We got up early to get a good start on the day as we were hopeful to get as far as just south of Detroit and so we left Nashville at 7:24 am.
The hour we gained traveling West from Gatlinburg, we would lose again so despite the time travel we engaged in Daylight Savings still got us.
The weather was lovely but still cool with a high of only 4 degrees through Kentucky. We did get to see some nice country and some interesting things on our travel home.
In Versailles Kentucky there is a large castle on the crest of a hill. Not exactly mirroring Versailles in France, but interesting it is a spa and inn. There are dozens of beautiful horse farms with thousands of feet of fences and rolling hills. The wind picked up into Ohio and man was it rocking the car.
Driving along we wondered about some of the origins of expressions relating to Ohio towns. Check this out:
“Holy Toledo” - The phrase, “Holy Toledo” supposedly comes from this era of Toledo’s grand church construction. One legend has it that the expression came from a visitor being driven up Collingwood Boulevard and, after seeing the dozen or so churches, temples, and Holy Rosary Cathedral, exclaimed, “Holy Toledo, you’ve got a lot of churches in this town.”
Others say that “Holy Toledo” was a sarcastic expression resulting from the high proportion of bars to churches. Prior to World War I, it was a standing joke that you could walk out of a church on one corner and enter a bar on the next.”
Rest stop Syl proved he is THAT person by parking directly beside the only other car on the huge parking lot.
“You’ll end up in Upper Sandusky” -still a mystery.
Lots of laughs on the road as we teased each other about parking spaces and car seats.
Lunch at the Cracker Barrel was a study of human nature. It was like a dinner theatre or perhaps a reality tv show is more apropos. It gave us something to do whilst waiting for our food.
We pulled over for the night at Monroe Michigan - we fell victim to Mom’s Google maps and her setting of no highways and traveled through Monroe proper. Oh my it was a pretty grim and despite the abundance of very busy cannabis stores (a shocking number of stores and customers!) seemed to be mostly on its way to being a shell of its former self. We came to the collection of the regular hotels and had to try 3 before we got lucky with the Town Place Suites. Julien said I was like Mary and Syl was like Joseph. When we asked what he meant he said there was no room at the Inn. 🤣
The Town Place Suites finally had a spot. There was a funny kid on reception who “sold” us the room by telling us how it was really expensive but if we wanted it he had one. The room was $140 USD and was lovely, large and bright. Definitely a good spot to stay on the drive home. We were all getting a bit punchy as we had been traveling so long. Syl and Jules stayed in and Mom and Dad and I went across the road to Monroe’s newest establishment. Dinner was less than stellar. Dad liked his prime rib but Mom and I had spaghetti that we had to send back to get heated up and when it arrived again it was lukewarm at best.
The next morning we were down and waiting for breakfast to be served at 7 am. There was a line up! We had a funny ride up in the elevator with Mom and Dad
Julien is on fire! So excited about his birthday tomorrow. Mom was pushing the closed button and caught dad in the door and then we stayed in one place as Mom didn’t push the button. 🤦🏼♀️
We were soon at the duty free and we went in to get some things before crossing the border and then switched drivers as Syl still not the best at the process. There was not even a spectre of a lineup and we were through in under 5 minutes and back in Canada!
As it was Sunday we started our travel tradition of finding Sunday mass. Mass attempt #1 took us to St Ursula after a tour of the backroads of Chatham Kent - yup Mom’s Google maps!We arrived early as mom had searched the wrong church. Everyone was very welcoming but we decided to leave instead of wait. This brought us to Sunday Mass attempt #2 at St Justin’s in London, Ontario. It was BEAUTIFUL! The church was filled to the brim with families and a great choir and an engaging priest YES! It was one of those times that our spiritual buckets were filled.
Lunch at On Route in Woodstock and then home.
The weather was cold but clear, and after warnings of snow fall that was a welcome relief.
Our adventures this week were wonderful, but it was lovely to get home.
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Thanks @sparkga for tagging me to answer these 20 questions! I like your addition of changing any if I don't have a good answer so have done that too and marked them with an asterisk.
Name:
Cam (short for Cameron)
Birthday:
16th September
Fave Bands/Groups:
To be honest I just like songs if I like them lol, so I don't really obsess over any particular bands or artists, but a few that have made songs I really like are ABBA, Daft Punk, and Imagine Dragons.
Fave Solo Artists:
Again this is only a few lol but Avicii, Conchita Wurst, Lady Gaga, Meghan Trainor, Michael Jackson, Sean Mendes, and Troye Sivan.
Song currently stuck in your head:
Obsession by Animotion (it's been stuck in my head for about 3 days now lol)
Number of songs you've liked on Spotify:
376
Last show binged:
It's A Sin I think, that was back in February or March but I don't think I've binged anything since.
What are you most likely to buy in a bakery?*
A brownie lol, but cake and doughnuts are a close joint second.
Why you chose your Tumblr URL:
Well I started out with CBMI6 which was the awful and cringey username I thought of when I was about 12 lol, so I changed it to CamB99 as that's my nickname, initial of my surname, and the year I was born all put together.
Following count:
350
Follower count:
500
Last thing you Googled:
GWR vacancies
Last book you read:
Oh lord I don't remember, I haven't read a book in months unfortunately :(
Last movie watched:
Again I haven't watched a movie for ages, so probably Pirates of the Caribbean - On Stranger Tides (I didn't watch Dead Men Tell No Tales in the end, couldn't bring myself to do it lol)
Currently wearing:
Black socks, black Step One boxer briefs/trunks, blue jeans, black and grey camo t-shirt, and a charcoal hoodie (it's not gay enough I know lol)
Favourite childhood stuffed animal:
I actually had two favourites lol, a grey teddy bear from Scotland called Squidgy (but not like a normal teddy bear he was some weird sort of bear idk XD), and a dog called Pippen based off Pippen from the kids show Come Outside aha
Top three fictional universes to live in:
If Joke Rowling wasn't such a b*tch, I'd say the Harry Potter universe for one, but unfortunately she is so instead I'll say the Star Trek universe for one (yk proper Star Trek from the 60s - 90s not the stuff they make now). It would be around the time Voyager got back from the Delta Quadrant and I'd have my own Intrepid Class ship, yes I've thought about it way too much lmao, but it was what got me through secondary school. Maybe the Pirates of the Caribbean universe/time period for another cuz again I'd love my own ship lol, not so much the supernatural creatures though XD. I can't think of any others right now for some reason but I know there are plenty
Fictional character(s) you'd love to meet:*
The Golden Girls lmao. I'd love to chat with Blanche about guys, listen to Rose's St Olaf stories, then listen to Dorothy's and Sophia's reactions to the stories lol, and of course share a cheesecake with the four of them
Describe (or show!) your handwriting:
It's awful so I'm not gonna show it lmao, although I wouldn't say it's particularly difficult to read, it's just not pleasant to look at lol
Weird personal quirk:
I'm sure there are weirder and much more interesting quirks but all I can think of right now is that my arm-span is longer than my height
I've not quite reached 20 lol, but if you'd like to @business-pug, @long-life-town, @seanmgilbert20, @za1-01, @pufle10, @secretly-of-course, @asamurainamedjack, @no-ordinary-guy, @an-actual-duck, @l1nks-world, @themrkitty, @thefelineofaveb, @thetrashchronicles, @spendthedaygay, @underneath-i-am-godly, @bitchard-of-oz, then I look forward to reading your posts :3
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(1) New Message from Unknown Number
main masterlist // (1) New Message Masterlist // next part
Summary: Y/N is drunk and can’t remember her ex’s number.
A/N: Hello, it is I, the idiot who writes Social Media AUs when she’s drunk but is too lazy to put them in the proper format and just leaves them to die somewhere on her laptop
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (Social Media AU - that’s a lie, it’s actually just texts in Word format 🤡)
Warnings: swearing, dumbassery
Unknown Number: Hey asshat so listen
Unknown Number: I kno we hvnt spoken since like
Unknown Number: High school but whateve idc
Unknown Number: U’re an asshle so I dnt even care that its like…
Unknown Number: 3 in the morning nvrmd
Unknown Number: Ive ben dared to txt my hottest ex by these evil witchS so
Unknown Number: Here u go
Unknown Number: At least u had decent abs so congrats on tht jfc
Unknown Number: also u dnt get to complain abt this txt bc like
Unknown Number: u dated me for 6 months on a dare so U KNOW WHat this shuold feel like ya
Unknown Number: Wow dude that sounds like a dick move
Unknown Number: Seriously who the hell dates someone for 6 months on a dare?
Unknown Number: Doesn’t that only happen in movies though?
Unknown Number: hey bitchass dont act like u don’t kno what im talkinG abt
Unknown Number: Oh shit yeah, sorry. I don’t know who this asshole of an ex is but I sure as hell am not him
Unknown Number: Dude sounds like a complete waste of human space
Unknown Number: And I think I wouldn’t get to live it down if my friends would hear I did something that shitty
Unknown Number: Wait lemme ask Sam
Unknown Number: Nah, he says Steve would’ve beaten my ass if I were to do that so there u go
Unknown Number: m sorry who tf are u
Unknown Number: Bucky
Unknown Number: what kind of stupid name is bucky
Unknown Number: Shit man, u’re the one blowing up my phone at 3 in the morning, sending me weird ass messages when I don’t even know u and u dare say my name is stupid???
Unknown Number: Sheit srry
Unknown Number: Is been A long night
Unknown Number: nd week
Unknown Number: Actlly make thAt the whle entire fuckin month
Girl with asshole ex: Srry fr bothering u
Unknown Number: It‘s cool
Girl with asshole ex: Hey the witches ask if ure hot
Bonky: Yeah
Girl with asshole ex: WHAT THE FCK MAN AT LEST BE A LIL BIT HUMBLE SMH
Bonky: U wanted me to lie?
Girl with asshole ex: Fair point
Girl with asshole ex: They wnt a pic
Girl with asshole ex: Pic or it didn’t happen punk
Girl with asshole ex: Tht was nat
Bonky: What kind of party are u at that you can constantly text me?
Girl with asshole ex: Wanda’s place
Girl with asshole ex: Girls night
Girl with asshole ex: Getting hammered on wine BITCH
Girl with asshole ex: Also dnt change the subject
Bonky: I don’t even know your name
Girl with asshole ex: Why would I tell u my name I just want to see a suppsdly hot asssd
Bonky: You know mine and now you want me to send u a pic of me
Bonky: Bit of a disadvantage here babe
Girl with asshole ex: Babe?
Girl with asshole ex: BABE?
Girl with asshole ex: Fine
Girl with asshole ex: BABE if I tell u my name will u send a pic of u so we kno u arnt a 60yr old perv
Bonky: I’ll think about it
Girl with asshole ex: Hey fuck u
Girl with asshole ex: Not fair
Bonky: How do I know you’re not the 60yr old perv?
Girl with asshole ex: Cuz she got big tiddies to prove
Girl with asshole ex: And that was wanda
Girl with asshole ex: So now u know my fridsn
Bonky: Still don’t know your name tho babe
Bonky: Also tell Wanda she shouldn’t give out this type of info to strangers
Girl with asshole ex: ure not a stranger anymore bonky
Girl with asshole ex: ure my babe nao
Bonky: I’m going to let that Bonky slide just bc u’re cute
Bonky: But I’m also going to stop replying until you tell me your name
Girl with asshole ex: U think im cute?
Girl with asshole ex:
Girl with asshole ex: I mean u havnt even seen me but thats fair
Girl with asshole ex: Wand and nat say its true so ill believe u rnt lying to me rn
Girl with asshole ex: But I wanna see if ure cute
Girl with asshole ex: Wait why r u up st 3 in the mrng I mean we re drunk but wht r u doing
Girl with asshole ex: Babe u need to take better care of urself
Girl with asshole ex: Babe
Girl with asshole ex: Babe?
Girl with asshole ex: BABE?
Girl with asshole ex: Ph shit ure actually ignoring me
Girl with asshole ex: I dont like this
Girl with asshole ex: I actually like talking to u
Girl with asshole ex: Pls stop ignoring me
Girl with asshole ex: COME BACK AND LOBE ME
Girl with asshole ex: Babe?
Girl with asshole ex: Fine
Girl with asshole ex: It’s Y/N
Bonky: Now, that wasn’t so hard was it?
Babe: fcuk u
Bonky: I’m up at 3 bc we ordered pizza and decided it’s time to beat Sam’s ass in Mario Kart once and for all
Babe: Nd how’s that going for ya?
Bonky: Bitch has been beating us for the past 3 hours
Bonky: Thor is the only one getting at least close to him now so we’re about to give up
Babe: Wait shit how r u replying so fast if ure playing Mario kart tho
Bonky: I gave up two hours ago
Babe: Quitter
Bonky: Just gotta know which fights to pick babe
Babe: Heads up I might be fallin asleep soon
Bonky: Drink some water before that, maybe get some food in u as well to soak up all the alcohol and have an advil close for tomorrow
Babe: Ok MOM
Bonky: Hey Wanda willingly told me you have “big tiddies” so your friends don’t seem to be doing a good job of taking care of you
Bonky: Might as well let me do it so you don’t die tmrw
Babe: Ohhhh so u careeeee babe im touched
Babe: Kkkkkk Ill talk tu u tmrw ill be dead soon
Babe: Nd I do have big tiddies
Bonky: Good night babe
*
Babe: What the shit
Bonky: I see you survived
Babe: Barely
Babe: My head might explode soon and I feel like I’ve vomited for an entire lifetime
Babe: TMI sorry
Bonky: I’d like to point out I’m glad I don’t have to decipher your texts anymore and that you can actually spell properly
Babe: Fuck you Buckaroo
Bonky: I would also like to remind you that I have on good authority that you have “big tiddies” so don’t make me use that against you
Babe: I am going to kill Wanda
Babe:Ugh I need coffee
Babe: I’ll talk to you later
Bonky: I’ll be waiting for you babe
*
Babe: So
Babe: BABE
Bonky: Yes baby?
Babe:
Bonky: Nah, you love it
Babe: Fine
Babe: You still haven’t sent a pic of you though. I might be able to rise Nat and Wanda from the dead if you do
Bonky: What do I get in return?
Babe: The promise that I will keep replying even though you might turn out to be an ugly orc?
Bonky: Not enough
Babe: Fine. I’ll keep talking to you until you want me to stop. Or until I get bored of you
Bonky: Eh, you can do better
Babe: What do you WANT?
Bonky: A pic of you in return
Babe: I’m not sending you nudes, perv
Bonky: If I wanted to see you naked and be a dick about it, I could’ve asked last night, don’t worry
Bonky: But if you’ll know how I look it’s only fair I should know how you look
Babe: That sounds reasonable
Bonky: I’d say it’s a fair exchange
Babe: Fine, you first then
Bonky: If you don’t send me a pic of you afterwards babe I will stop replying, just so you know
Bonky:
Babe: Did you type super hot guy with the most beautiful eyes in the world in Google or something?
Bonky: I’m touched but no. Sam took that photo at a work event
Babe: Bitch do you really expect me to believe this is you? That looks like a guy who just stepped out of a magazine, I highly doubt I would have the luck to text him instead of my ex when drunk
Bonky:
Bonky: Are you always this annoying?
Babe: …
Bonky: What? Do you want me to take a selfie with the fucking newspaper now? I read the news online babe, I’m not getting off of this couch just so I can buy a stupid newspaper to prove it’s me
Babe: Do you have one in a suit?
Bonky: …why am I putting up with this?
Bonky: Hold on
Bonky:
Bonky: It’s been 5 minutes, are you going to reply?
Bonky: You still have to send me a picture of you though, a deal is a deal you know
Bonky: Fine, I warned you
Babe: Shit sorry
Babe: Hi Bucky, this is Natasha
Bonky: Hi Natasha. Is Y/N alright?
Babe: Uhm how should I put this?
Babe: Y/N is crying right now and she can’t reply herself
Bonky: What? What happened? Is she okay?
Babe: Oh yeah
Babe: She’s just crying because (and I’m quoting here) you’re “so beautiful, it’s like all my wet dreams and fantasies have come together. I swear this is some cosmic joke, this is not happening”
Babe: I’m not sure if she’s laughing or crying now
Babe: But she keeps yelling at me that I have to send you the most perfect picture of herself that has ever existed or you will stop talking to her
Babe: I think she started crying again because “I will never live up to that level of perfection, he told me that I have to know which fights to pick”
Babe: Uh yeah so here
Babe: 1 Photo Attached
Bonky: Hey Nat, could you tell Y/N that I would like to talk to her now?
Babe: Sure
Babe: Hey
Bonky: Baby?
Babe: Yeah?
Bonky: You picked the wrong fight if you think “you will never live up to this level of perfection”
Babe: Oh God
Bonky: Stop being an idiot
Bonky: And listen to me
Bonky: I would really like to keep talking to you. Mainly because you’re an idiot who makes me laugh, but it’s also the fact that you are the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen in my entire life
Babe:
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes oneshot#social media au#bucky barnes social media au#bucky barnes au#social media#bucky barnes texts
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Bells in the Distance (Part 1)
Words: 2.9k
Pairing: Onew x Winnie (OC) (feat. Amber Liu, Monsta X’s Joohoney, and ROMEO’s Minsung)
Raiting: PG
Genre: Fluff, angst
Warnings: intense in some scenes, some peril
Summary: Since being home from the military, Lee Jinki is over the moon to be home with his wife Winnie and son Owen. They grew closer together, but Jinki can’t help but feel as if he failed as a husband and father by being away from his little family for so long and not connecting with his son as he would wish. On Christmas Eve, he’ll take a journey to a place he knew only in legends and maybe learn something from St. Nicholas. Inspired by the film The Polar Express.
Tags: @ezralia-writes @queen-of-himbos @romeorussia @barnesbabee @daybreakx @fairyofdusk Let me know if you want to be tagged.
-
December 24, 2020
“But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight— ‘Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night,’” Winnie finished the story.
“Read it again, Mommy,” the four-year-old boy begged.
“But if I read it again, Santa might not come,” his mother warned in a gentle voice. “All of those cookies we made for him will go to waste, and you decorated them so beautifully.”
“Even the ones with lots of icing?”
“Those are his favorites.”
“Okay, Mommy,” the boy sighed.
Winnie chuckled. “Sweet dreams, baby.”
Jinki watched as the light in his son’s room was switched off, and his wife’s footsteps were heard trudging down the hallway towards his and her bedroom.
Earlier that evening, Jinki and Winnie had gotten into an argument. Ever since he had returned from military service back in July, he felt he had missed out on much of his son’s life. He wasn’t feeling as connected with him as he used to be. Winnie argued that Owen always wanted to be with his dad, and now that he’s home all Owen wants to do is spend time playing with him. The ordeal led them in a heated argument, which led to each of them saying hurtful words to each other. Jinki hated himself for it, so he decided to sleep on the couch in the living room for the night in order for the two of them to cool off until morning. Seeing Winnie cry killed Jinki inside. She was four and a half years younger than him, but he always wanted to be gentle with her feelings, especially now that she was pregnant with number two. He wanted to run up there, snuggle her, and rub and kiss her swollen belly; but the last thing he wanted to do was make his beloved wife upset.
After a glass of water, Jinki tiptoed upstairs to check on his little boy. Peaking into his bedroom, the child was fast asleep while snuggling his fox plushie. The only light in his room was his galaxy projector giving a green light show. Once he shut the door as quietly as possible, his foot carried him towards his and Winnie’s room; but something told him not to go in. Was it guilt? A sixth sense? Was something going to happen? He wasn’t sure, but he listened to his gut and returned to his self-made couch bed.
Jinki then turned off the kitchen light after refilling his cup and headed back to the couch. Gently, he set his drink on the cork coaster and rested his head on his pillow. However, he still had to get up in the morning to set out Owen’s gifts from “Santa,” so he set an alarm for 7:45AM before lying down again.
Silence and darkness engulfed the house, the ticking of the grandfather clock near the TV, its hands reading 10:20, was the only noise that broke the dreary silence. Moonlight shone through the windows as snow fell, the Lee’s Christmas tree illuminated by the silver glow. As Jinki closed his eyes, the ticking seemed to grow louder and louder as he drifted. It was only after a few seconds, the ticking stopped at the sound of sleigh bells in the distance, and it was silent again.
When he opened his eyes again, Jinki looked at the clock.
11:55.
How did the time fly so fast? Jinki wondered. He figured it was only because he was going in and out of sleep.
A ripple in his water cup caught his attention. Then, the family pictures began to rattle, and the Christmas tree began to dance a little. Jinki could feel his whole house begin to shake nearly violently. Earthquake, he thought. As he was about to jump out of bed to get his wife and child to safety an old train whistle blew loudly. Through the living room windows, pale-yellow light illuminated the living room, and Jinki could hear a train chugging by. What was going on?
In a haste, Jinki grabbed his military coat from the coat closet, ripping the garment in the pocket as it got caught on the door handle. He slipped on his black boots and dashed outside into the cold night air. In front of him was an old, black locomotive stopped in front of his home. It wasn’t a subway train that he was used to seeing, but a steam powered train that he had only seen at museums and read about in school. Stretched across two cars, gold lettering read “POLAR EXPRESS.”
Just as he moved to check it out, a man’s voice called out, “All aboard! All aboard!”
Jinki turned around to see the owner of that voice standing by an entrance on one of the train cars. As he marched through snow closer, he noticed the man carried an electric lantern, wore a dark blue suit with a hat that said “CONDUCTOR” on gold lettering, square-framed glasses, and a dark brown mustache sat perched on his top lip.
“Well, you comin’?” the man, now identified as the conductor, spoke after a few seconds of silence.
“Where?” Jinki shrugged.
“Why to the North Pole, of course!” The conductor near-shouted as if he should have known ahead of time. He then motioned to the train. “This is the Polar Express.”
“The North Pole?”
The conductor made a “tsk” sound, and gave a curt nod. “I see. Hold this, please.”
He handed Jinki the lantern to hold before pulling out a clipboard from inside the car. He turned it around and asked, “Is this you?”
It was a profile of Jinki with all of his statuses including marital, parental, and career.
“Yeah,” he confirmed.
“Well,” the conductor looked at the profile, “it says here that you’ve had doubts this year, are lacking a sort of confidence, and even got into an argument with your wife this evening. Sounds to me like this is your crucial year. If I were you, I would think about climbing on board.”
Jinki couldn’t believe what he was hearing. A train shows up in his neighborhood, no one else seems to notice nor care about the ruckus noise of the whistle, and now he’s told the train is going to the legendary North Pole. It existed, of course, but the aspect of Santa’s North Pole was just a legend. That’s what he knew. It was too much to wrap his head around, so he shook his head and backed away.
“Suit yourself,” the conductor shrugged as he took the lantern back. Once he stepped onto the car, he waved his source of light, and the train whistled in response. The train lurched forward and began to chug away. Jinki’s mind began to race as he thought about why the train showed up in the first place. It must have been a sign for something, and he had that gut feeling earlier telling him to wait down in the living room. This train had to arrive for whatever reason, so with a change of mind, Jinki jumped on before the locomotive could pick up speed.
Looking out into his neighborhood, he passed his house, and he silently promised to return in a while.
Jinki didn’t notice the conductor standing behind him until he cleared his throat. He turned around and saw the conductor holding the compartment door open for him. When he entered, the interior of the car was stunning. Beautiful red moquette covered the seats, the floor carpet was a dark green with a holly print on it, a light colored wood framed the entire compartment, and large windows were wiped crystal clear with the exception of ice leaving their thumbprints on the outside.
There were already a few passengers inside. Most of them were people who didn’t know, but there were a few idols he recognized or was familiar with: Yoohyeon from DREAMCATCHER, Moonbin from ASTRO, San from ATEEZ, Red Velvet’s Yeri, and even Yanan of PENTAGON. They were all joking around or speaking with the other passengers, but he wasn’t sure why they were on the train in the first place.
Jinki just took the first seat he saw. The seat was comfy, at least.
“Onew?” a woman’s voice sounded from his left.
Turning his head, he found his former labelmate Amber sitting across the aisle from him. Her hair was still in its iconic short cut but dyed a velvet red, and she was dressed in a sweater and comfortable, heather grey pants. Her tattoo sleeve peaked from beneath the long sleeves every now and then.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, sitting up a bit straighter.
“I should be asking you the same thing.”
“Did the train just show up at your house?”
“Yep. As it did everyone else here.”
“Do you know what kind of train this is?” another voice chimed in. Joohoney of Monsta X was sitting in front of him.
“A magic train?” Amber replied sarcastically.
“I know it’s a magic train. Actually, it’s a Baldwin 2-8-4 S3-class steam locomotive, but in 1931 at Baldwin Locomotive Works.”
Someone’s been doing a lot of Googling, Jinki thought.
He leaned in towards Amber and asked her, “Are we really going to the North Pole?”
Amber nodded. “I didn’t believe it either, but trust me, the conductor has been telling the truth.”
“Tickets, please!” the conductor announced.
Everyone scrambled back to their seats as he began to check for tickets. Jinki was the first person he came to and asked for his ticket, but he shook his head. He wasn’t informed of any tickets beforehand.
“Try your pocket,” instructed the conductor.
Jinki checked his right pocket, but it was empty with the tear from earlier. It was about two fingers wide, and he would have to fix it soon.
“Try your other pocket.”
When he inspected it, the feeling of something paperlike caught him by surprise. Pulling it out, he was holding a shining, golden ticket that had a picture of the train on the front. The ticket was about the size of a football, and the gold reflected the light at every angle. Jinki had never seen anything like it.
Still stunned, he handed it to the conductor, who snatched it up with a thank you. Using a hole punch, he began making holes in the ticket at such a rapid pace Jinki thought it was automatic at one point.
The conductor gave him back the ticket before thanking him and moving on to the next passenger. Jinki’s ticket had the letters “H” and “R” punched into it. What kind of train was this?
“That guy sure likes to show off with his ticket punch,” Joohoney scoffed as he held up his ticket. “Look what that wise guy punched in my ticket. ‘L’ ‘E.’ What the heck does that mean?”
The conductor made an announcement over a PA system, stating the train would be making another stop at an address.
“We’re heading for the other side of the tracks,” Joohoney whispered to someone.
Jinki rolled down his window to see what was happening. The train had stopped at a beautiful white house that was two stories high. It was decorated for the holidays with a wreath hanging on the door and multicolored lights wrapped around two columns. A small snowman in a purple bonnet seemed to greet the train, and the front porch was covered in snow. Through a large window on the first floor, Jinki could make out a Christmas tree that was illuminated by white lights.
The conductor stepped off the train to greet a tall, young man standing outside and dressed in warm pajamas and a black robe and slippers.
“It’s just another pickup,” Joohoney said before turning to Jinki. “That’s weird. I thought you were supposed to be the last one.”
Jinki was paying attention to the scene outside. The conductor gave him the same speech to the young man about where the train was going and all, but just like Jinki, the young man got cold feet and backed away.
“Suit yourself,” said the conductor. He hopped back onto a car and waved his lantern. The train whistled and began to chug, the center of gravity forcing the passengers back a little.
As the locomotive passed the man, Jinki seemed to recognize who he was as they got closer. He had jet black hair, idol-like features, and was about five feet and eleven inches tall. His dark eyes looked up at Jinki, and the older man gave a small wave.
Minsung, it clicked in his mind. Minsung of ROMEO. Minho had appeared in one of their music videos a few years back, so that’s where he remembered him from. He looked the same, but a tad bit older.
To Jinki’s surprise, the young man began to run after the train. However, despite Minsung’s long legs he was lagging to catch up to the train. The snow was making it difficult for him, and it didn’t help that the train was beginning to pick up speed.
“We have to stop the train,” Jinki concluded as he pulled himself back into the compartment.
“I don’t know how to stop a train,” Amber panicked.
“Pull the emergency break!” Joohoney pointed to a red, stirrup shaped object hanging in a cylindrical cavity in the wall.
Without a second thought, JInki rushed over and ranked on it with both hands. Almost immediately, the train halted to stop, but the force pushed the passengers over. Jinki, Amber, and Joohoney all were thrown to the floor, the wind being knocked out of the older man for a few seconds.
Once he caught his breath, he stood up again. Minsung’s head appeared on the other side of the car door’s round window. He looked in at everyone else, but turned the other way to enter the caboose. Jinki concluded he was just shy. Jinki was about to go invite him to the other car when another door slammed open.
“WHO IN THE BLAZES APPLIED THAT EMERGENCY BREAK?!?!” the conductor screamed.
“He did,” Joohoney tattled as he pointed to Jinki.
“You.” -The conductor furiously marched towards him- “In case you didn’t know, that cord if for emergency purposes only!” -he moved over to the open window to signal to the driver of the train- “And in case you weren’t aware, tonight is Christmas Eve. And in case you hadn’t noticed, this train is on a very tight schedule.”
The train whistled as the conductor got close to Jinki’s face.
“Now, Mr. Lee,” he lowered his voice. “Christmas might not be important to some people, but it is very important to the rest of us!”
Jinki tried to explain, but Amber stepped to defend him. “He was just trying to stop the train so that guy could get on!” she raised her voice.
The conductor looked out to where she was pointing and saw Minsung taking a seat in the caboose. “I see. Mr. Lee, is that what happened?”
Jinki nodded quickly.
Smacking his lips, the conductor calmed down, and told them, “Let me remind you, we are on a very tight schedule” -he checked his golden pocket watch and nearly had a heart attack- “And I’ve never been late before! And I am certainly not going to be late tonight.” He then rushed to the front door of the car and instructed everyone to return to their seats.
The Polar Express began to move again. Picking up the microphone for the PA system, the conductor announced, “Your attention, please. Are there any Polar Express passengers in need of refreshment?”
Everyone who was a passenger shot their hands in the air. The conductor slid the door open, and about eight waiters dressed in black vests and pants with white clothes wrapped around their midsections came tap dancing into the car. Music started to play as every other seat was turned towards the ones behind them, creating a sort of booth with at least three or four passengers sitting together. As the waiters and conductor sang about hot chocolate, the white clothes were tossed into each booth and made a sort of floating table. A few chefs entered on a trolley cart and began to toss out cups and saucers to each waiters’ tray. Jinki was surprised none of the dishes shattered upon impact despite being made of porcelain.
Some more chefs entered with a giant, bronze pot that was steaming with some boiling substance in it. A lever was pulled, and shots of the burning brown liquid landed in each cup. The beverage was then passed to each passenger, and as soon as Jinki tasted his, he couldn’t believe how delectable it was. He wished his son was there to try it as well, but he hoped to try to find something similar to make for him.
As soon as everyone was finished with their first round, they were giving a second cup as the waiters gave a gymnastic type performance. Then, once everything was picked up, the waiters jumped onto the tables, pulled the clothes as they back flipped back into the aisle, and then tap danced back out of the car as the seats were turned back into their original positions.
#kdiarynet#kwritersworldnet#kpopscape#kconnect#kpopficsnetwork#starryktown#kdiner#shinee#shinee onew#shinee fluff#shinee angst#shinee x oc#onew#onew fluff#onew angst
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Business spins SellingFacebook Profiles Work around show
Audrey Mitchell is a 23-year-old New York City move from London. She's a happy model working at KFC. As shown by her profile on Facebook, where she has 921 mates, she favors the New York Knicks, the film Me and Wonderful and the Contracting Youthful grown-up, and the St. Paul, Minnesota-based hip-ricochet pair Eyedea and Cutoff centers. She's at long last single, at any rate her Facebook Dispatch inbox is meandering eccentrically out completed frail men sending her stickers, emoticons, jabbing messages, and dick pics. She respects cupcakes. Also: She doesn't actually exist.
I comprehend this reason for reality analyzing the way that few snaps and one direct $13 bitcoin exchange on a Russian site to purchase Audrey Mitchell and her acceptably advanced impression. After the exchange, an educated embellishment presented a downloadable record containing the general phone number Audrey's record was picked under, a confusing word, and a picked birthdate — the exceptional of the fundamental affirmations get to the record.
Inside 30 minutes I was controlling everything of Audrey's page, appreciating pictures, posting notice, and exculpating upsetting messages. There was little to suggest that the page was inauthentic — or that its supervisor was a 30-year-old producer in Montana.
Across Facebook there are wearisome others truly like Audrey — joke records with nearly made records, a little posting history, and a photograph show of real individuals taking guaranteed selfies. They exchange hands a goliath catch of phony record business centers, where, for somewhat complete, any enchanted appearance expert, blackmailer, or savage can add up to a huge number of clearly human profiles fit for outsmarting Facebook's district.
Referencing before Congress in April in the conceivable aftereffect of the Facebook political race shock, President Cutting Zuckerberg told theme arranged specialists "you're not permitted to have a phony record on Facebook." Despite then these phony profile business spins keep on winning around show on the web.
"There should be millions [of addresses sale]," one Facebook account dealer made in Europe assessed to BuzzFeed News concerning the size of the phony records market. "I go to these goliath business living spaces and see a couple thousand [profiles] in stock relentlessly. I was unable to say in case it was a goliath number or a tremendous number now Facebook kills a couple and individuals continue to make them. Continually." Correspondingly, when insinuated the number from counterfeit records I could buy from them at one time, the seller stayed aware of me, "I could send 5,000 records immediately."
"I could send 5,000 records immediately."
Facebook uncovered to BuzzFeed News that phony records addressed routinely 3% to 4% of its 2.19 multi month to month dynamic clients during the last quarter of 2017 and first quarter of 2018, at any rate the course of action proposes that the records sold in such business conditions address scarcely any the phony records that Facebook screens. Know more here facebook账号购买
The association is inventively doing connecting with fake records. On Tuesday, Facebook expressed in a straightforwardness report that it hurt 583 million phony records and unlimited posts that included sex, spam, and scorn talk in the major three months of 2018. Regardless, then Facebook account business centers figure out some approach to manage supervise control work on show: A Google look for "PVA [phone-affirmed accounts] Facebook" returns various locales selling accounts that are picked with basic telephone numbers and are as such seen by the obliging relationship as bound to be certified records. These business places exist in direct infringement of Facebook's terms of association and revoltingly offer each and every advancement in this manner hoards for bypassing the collusion's advantage while utilizing counterfeit profiles.
While one record merchant uncovered to BuzzFeed News they had "never seen a business opportunity for taken records," it shows up, undeniably, to be the business districts have remained mindful of facilitators to try to take Facebook accounts from attested individuals. In one occasion reported by Erin Gallagher, an altered information essayist, an Egyptian maker broke into the Facebook record of a dead man to take and offer the profile to a business region. "In each record you get 20 pounds/individual who gets them since they need old records," the expert told Gallagher.
Facebook said it considers these phony record business centers, which the union notes are not novel to the stage. (A tremendous store of Twitter, Instagram, and email accounts are furthermore open for getting.) "We pleasingly outline online business spots to assist with upsetting cheats who attempt to sell counterfeit records. Our reenacted understanding developments assist with baffling goliath number of attempts to make counterfeit records every day, and we get customarily more once somebody tries to utilize them," Bill Slattery, Facebook's head of e-evil lead assessments, said in an explanation. Slattery in like way proposed that the phony records business centers might be detonating numbers or, a dash of the time, selling counterfeit data. "Since a record looks ready to move doesn't mean it's genuinely liberal or that it will if all else fails be utilized suitably without getting captured. We in like way work with law execution when fitting." The entire of the nine telephone demonstrated the veracity of records I bought from two separate business living spaces while looking at this piece worked and acceptably stayed away from declaration from Facebook while posting.
"A couple of days you will have a central number improvement demands."
The most major of the phony profiles ready to move are "softreg" accounts, which are genuinely auto-picked utilizing programming programs and have not a ton of additional things. These show up, plainly, to be bought in mass — in April, one Russian site was selling as much as 2,100 softreg addresses 5 pennies each. There are "stayed aware of" accounts, which are either really picked or made utilizing a softreg program and populated with mates containing a blend of bots and shared followback approaches. At long last, there are "made records," which request to have been set up some spot in the level of four and 10 years sooner. Across the business places, made records are completely more cutoff (running some spot in the level of $5 to $150 per account) as they're liberally less slanted to be hailed by Facebook's record seeing programming.
A Russian site called AccsMarket offers enchanted purchasers the chance to buy accounts chose as precisely on time as 2004 (the year Facebook dispatched) with 5,000 certainly genuine, non-bot embellishments for $150 each. Firmly when BuzzFeed News gathered check whether a record was preregistered and left apathetic or got from an authentic individual, the affiliation said just that the record was "deserted."
Now and again, it is dull where a phony record closes and an ensured single beginnings. In January, I purchased five profiles — including five procedures for colossal profile and photograph system pictures, in addition as Google Voice telephone numbers to request the records and outfit them with liberal characters — utilizing a made record business center. For each condition, the photographs gave were spellbinding pictures of clear individuals. A contrary picture look for one of Audrey's profile photographs uncovered that it seemed to have a spot with a Russian model named Yuliya Yanchenko, who didn't return a message proposing remark.
A Facebook profile seller uncovered to BuzzFeed News they all things considered buy pictures from a party in India that harvests photographs from places like the Russian individual to single correspondence site VK, which isn't recommended by Google and hence more hesitant to appear in an opposite picture search. The delegate uncovered to BuzzFeed News that they like to purchase photographs of join as one with ladies. "In the event that you post pics of a hot youth and send mate proposing Indian men, Center Easterner speakers, or South American men, they will see critical and some time later the total of their mates will demand you," the transporter said. "A few days you will have a beast number of pal demands."
For most purchasers, the key concern is that the phony records are reasonably ensured to the lacking eye and don't trigger Facebook's spam securities. To ensure the last started, epic levels of the submitted record buying questions offer express guidelines to "warm up" the records and cause them to show up, in actuality, to be tremendous. The site for AccsMarket tells clients they "should from the beginning play out some standard activities that a standard individual would do in the wake of picking. Model: balance the page, buy in a, couple of affinities, balance the page, fill in express photographs, make a couple reposts, remarks, and so on" The records carrier saw that one convincing approach to manage supervise direct control heat up a profile is to investigate political discussion. "I'd make the record attestation to be impeccable to Catalonian self-alliance and whenever you post anything about Catalonia and opportunity you get diverse enhancement mentioning from indepentists," the transporter said. "All them are Unimaginably vital and On an extremely essential level amped prepared for posting and sharing this sort of political radicalism."
Certain locale offer different insurances like VPNs, which cover IP regions and control evident record logins from various contraptions. A couple of fights even propose utilizing programming like RF_SCreater, a program that can pass on a phony checked duplicate of a Russian clear affirmation with the name, date of birth, nation, and city subject to one's own pheno
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thanks @sohvi for tagging me!
Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you want to know better.
1. Name/Nicknames: Rui
2. Gender: male, or, as I prefer to think of it, мужской (bc it sounds so much fancier in russian)
3. Star Sign: aries, if that means anything
4. Height: 1.75 m, y'all americans will have to do the math on that
5. Time: 10:38 pm atm
6. Birthday: 6 april
7. Favourite Band: st. vincent
8. Favourite Solo Artist: hmm… st. vincent
9. Song Stuck in My Head: a new wave by sleater-kinney
10. Last Movie: i'm not sure… probably Land?
11. Last Show: i'm rewatching *deep sigh* parks and recreation again
12. When I Created This Blog: december 2009 and i got to know the other day that my blog is older than the fucking russian tumblr staff blog yikes
13. What I Post: a little bit of this, a little bit of that… you know
14. Last Thing I Googled: jamie bamber wife
15. Other Blogs: i have a lot of saved urls but i've never done anything with any of them :)
16. Do I get asks?: well, not anymore!!! wake up, ppl!!! hello??
17. Why I Chose My URL: oh easy it was a joke someone commented on an instagram post (?) on a st. vincent pic circa october 2014 and i, like, took it
18. Following: some o' y'all?
19. Followers: all o' y'all
20. Average Hours of Sleep: oh 7–8 hours for sure and i sleep like a motherfucking rock
21. Lucky Number: all numbers are lucky
22. Instruments: lmao this is how I know i need to switch jobs asap bc i read that and my mind went immediately to measuring instruments in engineering and i was like ??? what do you mean?? you've got a lot of nerve throwing that word at my face here… but yeah, no musical instruments, no…
23. What I Am Wearing: jeans and a sweater
24. Dream Job: still trying to figure that one out… i'll have to get back to y'all later on this
25. Dream Trip: i really, really want to Norway
oh, p.s.: but also like a fucking road trip covering 18 US national parks like that would be fucking wild and will probably be what i'll do once i finally decide to quit my job at the end of the pandemic
26. Favourite Food: anything with pasta
27. Nationality: portuguese
28. Favourite Song: that' hmm… asking A Lot
29. Last Book I Read: the little prince, i read it last weekend for the first time
30. Top 3 fictional universes I would love to live in: anywhere where i could sit down in peace and eat a sandwich
i'm not tagging anyone but do this if you want! consider yourself tagged by me
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How to Break Your Heart and Make Sure It Stays Broken
Read the 1st chapter on ao3
Summary: In which 15-year-old Richie confesses his feelings for Eddie on New Year’s Eve and they don’t talk about it for the next 4 years.
31st December 2010, Friday
“Would you put that thing down for one second?”
Richie looks up from the phone screen to his mother’s eyes. “Mom, this is the future. Do you want me to put the future down?”
“I want you to get off that sofa and help us serve the champagne.”
“Don’t make us regret giving you the future, Richie.” His father added as he entered the living room with a bottle of champagne on one hand and one of sparkling apple juice in the other.
“Fine.” He pockets the phone as he gets up to clean up the dinner plates. “But I gotta text the losers at midnight, we have a group chat on Facebook now-”
“Yes, son, we know. That’s all you’ve been talking about lately.” Wentworth interrupts while fumbling with the cork on the sparkling juice bottle.
“One day I’ll figure out why adults hate technology!” Richie shouts as he enters the kitchen. He places the plates on the sink and grabs three champagne glasses from the special collection his mom owns before going back to the living room. These things look like they’ll break if you so much as breathe in their direction.
“We don’t hate technology.” Maggie complains as she tries to rub away a stain in the tablecloth. “You kids just love it too much.”
That makes Richie laugh. “You don’t even let dad teach you how to use his comput-
The juice bottle’s cork comes off with a loud POP! that startles Richie and sends one of the glasses tumbling down onto the carpeted floor. It shatters into a million pieces despite the soft surface.
“Richie!” His mom cries out loud.
“I’m sorry!” Quickly, he places down the two survivor glasses. He can hear his dad trying not to laugh.
“Your grandma gifted these to us after we got married…” She laments as she looks at the sparkling shards at their feet.
“I’ll clean this up, you two be careful not to step on it.” Went adds before going to get the vacuum cleaner from the bottom of the pantry.
“I am sorry.”
With a sigh, Maggie hugs him sideways. “It’s okay, I guess we’ll never have 10 people over at the same time.”
“Yeah, we probably won’t.”
Once the carpet is clean, the champagne and false champagne are served and there’s only 5 minutes left till midnight, Richie takes his phone out and opens Eddie’s contact. He stares at the text he wrote probably 4 hours ago and reads it over and over again just to really make sure there’s no mistakes.
The thing is, tonight, Richie is going to fuck up his entire life. Or, at least that’s what it feels like.
You see, Eddie was the last of the group to get a phone. He got it on Christmas as a gift from his uncle, and needless to say Sonia didn’t like the idea. She only gave it to him one or two days ago after she figured out how to make it as “safe” as possible for his son. That means Eddie has exactly 3 numbers on his contact list. The number to his house, the number to Bill’s house, and Bill’s number. Because, apparently, that’s the only friend of Eddie’s Sonia trusts.
Stan’s Jewish, Mike is home-schooled (and black, although Sonia never admits that’s the real reason she doesn’t like the boy), Ben moved into town not so long ago, Bev is a girl, and Richie is Richie.
Bill’s family goes to church every Sunday and they’ve known each other ever since both boys were little. Hence why Eddie’s contact list is sadder than the life of their math teacher.
But Richie is weirdly thankful for this because that means Eddie doesn’t have his number. However, Bill texted them Eddie’s contact yesterday, saying they probably shouldn’t send him anything before school starts because Sonia will most likely check his phone.
Well, Sonia can go to hell because Richie is about to do something very stupid.
He’s a true romantic at heart, alright? Plus, he’s been in love with Eddie since he was twelve (or at least he realized it when he was twelve) and this secret is starting to claw up at his insides as if he had swallowed a dysfunctional cat.
In other words, it’s driving him crazy and he has to do something about it.
Now, he’s not mental. He’s not going to confess his feelings or anything. Right, as if. He’s simply going to become a secret admirer or something cheesy like that.
Yesterday, he sneaked into his dad’s computer while both his parents were taking an afternoon nap and searched for “romantic quotes” on Google. He typed down the one he liked the most, deleted the history, and then tried to convince himself this wasn’t the worst plan of his entire life.
It seemed like a very clever plan the closer to midnight it got.
“Alright, my loves.” Maggie gives everyone their respective glass. The non-alcoholic, sad-looking one for Richie, and the fun-looking ones for the adults. Bullshit, if you ask him.
“How come I never get to drink the real thing?”
“Well, you hate it.” Maggie shrugs. “You’ve said so the past two years that we’ve let you had one sip for the toast.”
“But I’m older now, I can handle it.”
“You can try it again after you finish that.” Went tips his cup in the direction of Richie’s. Naturally, Richie throws his head back and drinks the apple juice in one gulp, almost cutting his lip in the process. Seriously, these things are that thin.
“Done.” He announces as he fills the cup with champagne. “Now we can have a real toast.”
Both adults laugh and soon the countdown begins. Richie screams the numbers along with his parents, keeping his thumb over the ‘send’ button at the same time.
“Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!”
He presses down, the text is sent, and he pockets his phone once again to click his fragile cup against his parents’. As expected, it tastes just as awful as he remembers. He spits it out much like last year, and they all go outside to see the fireworks.
00:00 To: Spaghetti <3
And I just wanted to say that your smile reminds me that not all art is created with a pencil and a paintbrush.
His phone vibrates at exactly 00:49, which means Richie is already in his bedroom because that’s how New Year works in his family. They stay home, celebrate till the fireworks die down, and then part ways at the end of the hallway.
He interrupts Charlie the goldfish’s dinner and checks his phone only to let the little container of fish’s food fall off his hand. Thankfully, it was closed.
00:49 From: Spaghetti <3
Richie?
Did you steal that from your mom’s poetry collection, asshole? :P
Charlie the goldfish fades out from his peripheral vision. Richie sits down before he collapses and bursts through the floor right onto their cold, lifeless basement.
What the fuck?
Seriously.
What the actual fuck?
With shaky hands, he types out a reply.
Richie: what makes you think it’s richie?
Spaghetti <3: Bill gave me everyone’s numbers
Spaghetti <3: I don’t have them saved yet because of my mom, though
Spaghetti <3: Why? Is this not Richie? Did Bill give me the wrong number?
Fucking Bill. Now, Richie’s pacing the entire floor of his bedroom, knowing he’d walk right up to the celling if he could. He keeps staring at the small screen, wondering if he could save his ass by turning this shitty device off. His mom is right, technology sucks.
Spaghetti <3: Hello??
Shit.
Richie: hahaha you got me Eds
Richie: c’est moi
Then he hesitates for a second.
Richie: sooo, are we good?
Spaghetti <3: Yeah, of course
Spaghetti <3: Why shouldn’t we be?
Oh. Oh. So, Eddie didn’t take him seriously. He took it as one of his weird jokes.
Here’s a getaway, Richie. You can play it off as prank, Richie. You can still walk away from this without completely ruining a friendship, Richie. Please take the opportunity, Richie.
Richie: you don’t get it
Shut the fuck up, Richie.
Spaghetti <3: What?
Richie: well
Richie: actually
Richie: you see
Spaghetti <3: Richie, spit it out you’re stressing me
Richie: right
Richie: you see
Spaghetti <3: You’ve said that before
Richie: correct I see your point Eds
Spaghetti <3: Not my name
Richie: the thing is
Richie: jesus I hope you forgive me
Richie: okay so
Richie: i don’t have a crush on you
Richie: i’m pretty sure that I love you
There’s about a million smooth ways to say that you love someone. But Richie doesn’t choose one of those. Fitting.
It takes a few minutes before Eddie says something back. In those minutes, Richie starts crying.
Spaghetti <3: Oh
It’s as vague as it can get, but one can take the hint.
Richie: i’m sorry
Spaghetti <3: You don’t have to apologize
Spaghetti <3: How long..?
Richie: uh, since March?
Which is a lie.
Spaghetti <3: That’s a long time…
Richie wants to laugh, then scream, then he wants to be able to stop crying.
Spaghetti <3: Can we still be friends?
On second thought, he doesn’t want to laugh.
Richie: only if you still want to Spaghetti <3: Of course I want to Rich
Spaghetti <3: Don’t even say that
Well, that’s good.
Richie: well that’s good
Richie: i’m sorry Eddie
Spaghetti <3: Don’t apologize asshole
Spaghetti <3: It’s fine I swear
And then a few more minutes.
Spaghetti <3: Happy new year
The phone gets thrown, landing somewhere along the end of the bed. The blurry digital clock on his bedside table says it’s already 1:13 a.m. and by its side lays Charlie the goldfish’s tank.
It’s small, but it’s not a fishbowl. Richie learnt that lesson with his first goldfish, Oli. Poor her.
He follows Charlie’s swimming around a rock. A fish’s life seems peaceful and blissful and delightful and wonderful and many other adjectives ending in ‘ful’. Except for Oli’s life, of course. At this moment Richie’s life feels pretty much like Oli’s.
He sighs through another wet sob.
“Happy fucking new year, Charlie.”
perma taglist: @constantreaderfool @mrs-vh @eds-trashmouth @girasol-eddie @reddieforlove @madi-personal @cheekaspbrak
Let me know if you want to be tagged for this!
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HGPC 17 - 21 | Koi to Producer 2 - 6 | Appare 5 - 8 | Fugou Keiji 4 - 6
...only just realised I was missing some tags. They should be there now or soon.
HGPC 17
Why do I get the feeling the Sawaizumi family will be held hostage one day…? (Maybe I’m just being negative?)
The episode title mentions Chiyu by name, so I wonder why the translation didn’t…
Customer service! You can’t get away from it, even in COVID times…! (Impressive!)
Hmm…you can actually read part of the booking for the Smiths in the book if you know the kanji.
I thought the Smiths would speak in English, but they actually speak in fluent Japanese if the word “susume” was any indication.
Ah, Sukoyaka sweet buns! (from the other episode about the festival)
HGPC 18
Don’t burn down your house with scented candles, kids!
Also remember to use your knees when lifting heavy boxes! (<- says a charity store volunteer, who does this stuff on the regular)
These days the mascots usually have a human form. I wonder if this is implying that particular direction…? (I woke up today and was craving a certain oneshot I’d read during my scanlation days…if it is, it would fill that niche nicely.)
I wonder if the kids will recognise this Ashita no Joe parody…?
HGPC 19
“…since you were young?”
Oh! Element of Wind again!
Koi to Producer 2
This almost feels like Victor is assigning a school project to Protag-chan…it’s a bit sad, really.
It’s nice they let Protag-chan have a personality.
It’s fine if you can’t read the katakana, but Gavin’s name is Haku in Japanese, so it throws out the immersion somewhat…also, I know I shouldn’t be complaining – I’m the target audience here – but do these guys look kinda similar or what…? (partially kidding)
High school sweethearts, huh? “Childhood friends” is my favourite angle of a romantic relationship, but it gets so overused by harems it comes around to being boring…!
I-Is this Stand My Heroes…?! (LOL…?)
Can we not with 1st person cam…?
As cute and dorky as this stuff gets…how does Gavin never get found?! Does nobody ever look up in this city?!? (I thought Evolvers were meant to be a secret…?)
GPS tracker? That’s no better than large corporations using your location data…Isn’t that creepy…?
Hold on, when did she get his phone number? You would assume it was before this entire chase after the boy happened, but still…?
LOL, the English on the board.
This anime is gonna cause me some frustration, but it gives the good stuff in roughly equal measure. It seems to omit the fact you interact via phone with your bois for intimacy (in the game).
Koi to Producer 3
LOL, that’s so clearly Gavin…
By googling, you find out Uptown and Queens are in New York.
Ohmygosh! Did the creators know I love the trope where only people with superpowers can move in certain circumstances?!
Uh…his name is Kira in Japanese? Did someone read the katakana wrong?
Pictured: Depressed bishonen eating bad pudding. (…That joke sounds better in my head. I forgot what meme I was meant to be parodying there, but I had a meme in mind.)
Lemme guess…this man (I dunno if it’s one of the previous bishies with an identical face or a new one) is looking for MC-chan. *sigh* Update: Yep, just Victor again. To be honest, I don’t like anyone who calls harsh words “their sign of love” – love should be honest and upfront. That’s how it becomes heartmelting.
Koi to Producer 4
Okay, in order, it seems to be hexadecimals, Javascript (you can tell from the “const”), some kind of profiles which are apparently for human lab rats (which seem to have some kind of nonsense filler text), a DNA model and DNA bases (ACGT).
The text on the screen says something along the lines of this being an official broadcast of this man’s arrest and this man was a genetic researcher. Obviously, if I wanted to put more attention into what it meant, I would, but I won’t sweat the details this time (because it doesn’t seem to impact the plot).
The guy’s name is Minor because minor key (geddit?)…that’s my guess.
I started playing the game due to this anime, if you didn’t know, and I unlocked an expert in ch. 2. I thought he was Minor, but turns out his name is Spine (an older man).
The diary, true to form, contains details about either one case or several cases, two involving children. The bottom of the 1st page says “if it’s fake, I’ll laugh”.
Hey, I once told Crunchyroll I wanted an anime about hacking (so is this a dream come true? I reveal all in the next sentence!). Hackers don’t congregate like this…they’d be too conspicuous, even with the secret hideout!
The code in the top left appears to be…C? I think? (Note they declare “unsigned int”.)
Kiro sometimes reminds me of Masayoshi (SamFlam)…it puts a derpy smile on my face.
*blah blah blah I’m Key* - Wuh…? F*** you, Kiro!!! (There is such a thing as piling too much cool stuff on to a character, y’know – I’m guilty of it in my own writing.)
3684 isn’t a very safe password (says someone who once aspired to be in cybersecurity).
What bugs me is that Simon is a perfectly fine name…it’s just a bit boring. Kiro/Kira I get (a bit), but Lucien/Simon…? *shrugs*
Ohh! Based MAPPA! Thank you for making this adaption look great!
Koi to Producer 5
Oh, I got an SR in the game recently and it has a line like, “Only a fool stays up all night to do others’ work. Victor talks like that a lot…
The sign so obviously says “Renka”, meaning “love flower”. “Loveland” really is a step down from that…
Where’s Gavin’s guest badge…?
“Happiness Noodle Store”…?
“…the end of our first year…”
If this weren’t a Chinese work by origin (or Japanese work by translation), I’m sure Protag-chan would have gone after Gavin, despite being told the contrary.
Kanya = Minor. I’ll take a note of that.
One of the books behind Minor says “Gale Start”…hmm…
That GPS tracker is still unintentionally creepy, IMHO.
Koi to Producer 6
…oh. (dejected) Probably a beach episode or something.
What the actual heck was going on with Lucien…? It’s like he was having a tiny stroke there…
Lucien’s power is listed as “???” in the game. I thought he was an aura-reader when he said “show me your colour”, but that shield thing he did means he might just have various psychic powers…? *shrugs* We’ll find out eventually.
Running in heels is hard…
LOL, that’s so clearly recreating a CG from one of the cards.
This is the 2nd time this has gone pseudo-isekai. As much as I like to joke about it…I fully expect someone to be sent to another world at this point.
I couldn’t possibly see Victor on any kind of game show, come to think of it.
Appare 5
This guy’s middle name is “Rich”! That’s silly!
A boombox from the 19th century…makes sense, somehow.
I only just (?) realised Al has a tiny tie on his usual outfit.
Back to the beginning already…just start!
Appare 6
…I just realised Appare mouths “I got it!” in the OP.
Al Lion (sic…?)
Isn’t Sofia in that train…? Update: She might have been, she might not. Hard to tell when they don’t confirm.
This series seriously could’ve done with a dub…Even with weird hokey Hetalia accents, it would be good stuff.
These bunches of people at designated points…reminds me of the book I was reading while in Japan. The Long Walk by Stephen King (part of a compilation). It still gives me shivers down my spine when I remember it.
This “leave in the middle of the night” thing reminds me of the Amazing Race.
“Valley of Despair” is made-up, but Death Valley exists. It’s one of the hottest places on earth, hence the name.
LOL, Kosame scores himself one (1) prarie dog and two (2) Hototos.
I thought Appare was being inconsiderate at first…but he’s being considerate, in his own way.
Oh! I didn’t realise, but Saito Soma is Al.
Appare 7
“It’s not one plus one, but one times one!” – LOL.
Hybrid engine? In the 1900s? Hmm…
LOL, I think Al just did a hadouken.
This stuff’s like an animated Galaxy Brain meme! It’s amazing!
I managed to successfully predict – without watching ahead – Appare would catch himself with his traps.
Kosame with his hair down…is rare. Not exactly attractive because we have to care about the racers rather than lust after them (and the artstyle actually prevents me from doing so, because it’s deliberately quite cartoony), but it’s rare.
Appare is surprisingly childish…that’s what makes him more than a Sheldon Cooper, I think.
The spelling of the place is actually “Ely”, if Google-sensei is any indication. C’mon, subbers! You’re American (most likely)! Can’t you put in the legwork (or the Google-fu) to discover what place in Nevada this is?!
Subbers make characters say “shit” a lot in this show, hmm? (contemplative)
Now this evil guy here *points to screen*…that’s hair I like.
Appare 8
I just love this OP…don’t you?
I like how the steam/gas boat/car has Chinese numerals on its dial.
Kosame means “small rain”, so “heavy rain” is obviously to contrast that.
The Hototo joke never gets old.
I thought I just saw someone leave the saloon…
Nice hair + terrible face = bad equation.
I can almost imagine the wee-oo-wee-oo-ooooooo…wah-wah-wahhh…(You know the one sound snippet, right? The one theme from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly - or whatever movie it is – that maybe involves a tumbleweed rolling across the screen, and then a huge shootout? If you don’t know it, play a sample on this Wikipedia page!) playing in the background.
It’s convenient the prarie dog didn’t appear when Hototo (old) had his revenge spree.
I noticed there’s a bit of a mark under Kosame’s left eye…it suggests that he’s been crying (or maybe it shows tiredness from the race…?), but it’s not that noticeable.
So that’s the real Gil…and tose were his henchmen that threatened to hang everyone bar Kosame. Got it.
(notes to self) So, for charting a course with Appare Ranman!, it’s Los Angeles -> Death Valley -> Ely -> Denver -> ??? -> New York. Got it.
Fugou Keiji 4
“Daisuke-sama” isn’t “Lord Daisuke”, it would be “Sir Daisuke”, I think…but “lord” has a proper translation in Japanese.
The truck has a Shinagawa licence plate. Anime really does like Shinagawa, huh? (Based on ID: INVADED and this.)
I think it’ll be interesting to see Kambe handle this without HEUSC.
The board for Sanchome (which is equivalent to a suburb…or a county, I guess?) has posters saying stuff like “take your dog poop home” and “let’s protect the environment!” (technically, it says “let’s protect the region/area!”, but that doesn’t translate right. There’s even a flea market. Still, those posters don’t have any big hints…not that I know of so far.
I kind of forgot that dude was the gardener for Kambe’s house…er, mansion.
I noticed a poster in the kouban says haru (spring) on it. That’s probably the same one that Haru’s name is signified by, assuming that’s not in combo with another character or few.
Oh great…the sister is an overbearing one.
Ahh…he doesn’t like natto. So that’s the problem. Daisuke is childish (like Appare)…Note I don’t like natto either, but I wouldn’t run away from home (or similar) because I was fed natto.
I noticed Kambe uses shinseki (which doesn’t refer to close family). “Relative” is a correct translation of that word, I just wanted to check that word was the right one for the context.
There’s a green tea bottle by the sink…I don’t think I’d mistake that shade of green for anything else.
LOL, I didn’t think we’d actually get to see Kambe with his hair “down”, so to speak. It’s…an interesting look, for sure.
Oh my gosh! It cost him (Haru) $15!!! (LOL, cheapskate…says the cheapskate…*suddenly droops and stops laughing*) Update: Sorry about the sudden downer there. I was having what the kids these days call a “woke moment”…at least, I think that’s how they use that term.
…I’d watch that crime drama. It’s funny.
Just realised Kato has an older model of phone than Kambe does.
This episode was kinda like a Tokyo Sonata kind of thing, huh? The sensational in the middle of the not-so-sensational…”sensational” for this show, anyway.
Those kids look like the ones from Erased.
*lightbulb goes off in brain* What if the dog went to Kambe’s…?
Can Suzue actually hear HEUSC while Kambe is using it…? $2.46 though…that is cheap, in comparison to the ham.
This was the cheapest episode so far (about $550)…probably because it was an insight into Kato’s life, more than Kambe’s.
Fugou Keiji 5
The flag seems to be based on Cameroon’s (which is in Africa, not America) and the “Arita Kinen” seems to refer to Arima Kinen, meaning this episode is set around Christmas-ish. Credit goes to Kambe Zaibatsu on this show.
I-It’s a Humvee!
Polyadoll (sic)…?
The Poliador guy speaks perfect Japanese…(?)
The star! It’s a key thingy!
I thought Kamei was the 1st Division dude with the reddish hair. Turns out it was the blonde…? Update: Redhead is Hoshino.
Ummmmmm…he was reading porn…? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh…okayyyyyyyyyyyyy…
…oh, the costs for Kambe’s tuxedo are on there. So’s the cost for repairing the bike Suzue rode.
Fugou Keiji 6
I never knew there were so many money proverbs to be used as episode titles…
What is Kambe doing with his hands…? He’s not even using the computer.
Imura seems to use a Windows 10 with Cortana on the taskbar.
HGPC 20
What’s with all the Naruto running this episode…?
HGPC 21
(no notes, sorry!)
#simulcast commentary#healin' good precure#fugou keiji: balance unlimited#millionaire detective#Koi to Producer: EVOL x LOVE#mr love queen's choice#Appare Ranman!#Chesarka watches AR#Chesarka watches HGPC#Chesarka watches Koi to Producer#Chesarka watches Fugou Keiji
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12/11/2020 DAB Transcript
Amos 4:1-6:14, Revelation 2:18-3:6, Psalms 130:1-8, Proverbs 29:21-22
Today is the 11th day of December welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I'm Brian it's great to be here with you today like it’s great to be here with you any day, any day at all - spring, summer, winter, fall - anytime at all. It's great to be here with you. Wait, that sounds, that sounds remarkably like lyrics I know - spring, summer, winter, fall, all you have to do is call and I'll be there. You've got of friend. So, friends, let's gather together here around the Global Campfire and take the next step forward in the Scriptures. And this is one day where we…we don't have to move into new territory. Most of the days we do have to move into new territory because of the territory that we’re in in the Scriptures, but today we don't have to enter into a new book. So, we’re reading from the English Standard Version this week. Amos chapters 4, 5, and 6.
Prayer:
Father, we thank You for Your word. We thank You for the next step forward that we get to take every day and that it reminds us of Your presence in our lives and of Your constant transformation in our soul. And, so, we take to heart what we just read, the last thing, the last thing blinking there before us as we concluded our reading today. “A man of wrath stirs up strife and one given to anger causes much transgression.” We know this is true. We can affirmatively shake our heads, but if we slow down enough, we know that this is giving us advance words for the season that we are in and all of the festivities that are around us. We need to remember this and not be a man or woman of wrath and not be one given to anger unless stirring up strife and causing transgression is the goal, which it’s not. The goal is to be Your hands and Your feet and to minister Your love into this world, especially in this season because we are known by our love. So, come Holy Spirit, plant the words of Proverbs into our hearts that we might carry it forward and that it might shape the way we behave. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In the mighty name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.
Announcements:
dailyaudiobible.com is home base, it's the website, it’s where you find out what’s going on around here.
It's Christmas time. That is what's going on in the world so that's what's going on around here as well. And what a joy it is to just continue to move through the Advent season, just to sense that longing, that longing that we feel. This is the season to acknowledge that longing because it's kind always underneath it all isn't it? We are often…we turn that longing into what material possession or what type of scenario can I arrange for that will make that longing go away? Like, how can I fill that void? When it's way deeper than that. We’re just running at a pace that we never slow down enough to give any attention to it. That longing is the deepest cry of our soul, that all things would indeed be made new again. And we long for that. We long for the Advent of Jesus, right? The Arrival or this would be called, the second Advent, like a second arrival. But at the same time because it's Christmas season and this is the season to pay attention to that, we put ourselves in the position of the people who were waiting for the Advent of the Savior, who were waiting for Christmas even though they didn’t call it Christmas, who were waiting for Him to come because they had the longing in their soul too and there was a promise that He would come. And he did come. But we have that longing. Advent lets us tune into it as we wait and consider that in our souls as we move to Christmas where then with joy, we celebrate the arrival while still longing for the second arrival. So, it's a joy to spend that season together. And all things that are happening are Christmas related.
So, it's like we’re putting together our holiday Christmas party, our annual holiday gathering. It's virtual. It'll just show up as another program just like the community prayers do in a couple weeks, but we’re gathering all of the calls. So, you can use the Hotline button, or you can dial 877-942-4253. And those are, you know, those are the numbers that you…or that's how you would submit a prayer request or encouragement. Right now, also a holiday greeting. The one rule that I’ve been talking about is “don't combine”. Don't combine a prayer request or an encouragement with a holiday greeting. Just call in your holiday greeting and then if you have a prayer request or encouragement call that in separately. It’s one of the special times of year you can do that. And, so, yeah, don't be left out. Trust me. Every year lots and lots of people procrastinate and then it's too late. Don't be that person this year. Call in and share your holiday wishes with the community as…that we've been to each other all year as we’ve gone through the Bible.
The other thing is the Daily Audio Bible Shop is full of resources that make for unique gifts. And…like the God of Your Story, which is the written dated January 1st through December 31st devotional, essentially. I don’t really like that word because I think that what we’re doing here is way more than devotions, but in written form it is the gold that is the things that we talk about, the themes that we talk about as we go through the Bible each and every day. So, it is a perfect companion resource…in fact it was made to be “the” perfect companion resource to the Daily Audio Bible just to take the journey deeper. Maybe we listen to the DAB and then read that at night and it just kind of sows the themes in the stories that we are in deeper into our lives or if we’re out of…we’re like will gonna go off the grid on some type of holiday and we’re gonna be out of touch, this lets us stay right in step with the things that we are reading, but it's also a fantastic resource for anyone who wants to read through the Bible in a year and needs a friend to guide the way, to point out some of the beautiful things, the vistas that we get to see when we travel through the Bible together. So, the God of Your Story is available. The family Christmas record is available as well. You can get a physical copy in the Daily Audio Bible Shop, but you can stream it on Apple music or Spotify or Google play or wherever you can stream music. Just look for Family Christmas and maybe my name and you'll find it. That is the soundtrack for the community, that’s the soundtrack to the holiday season. It's…it’s something that I created over a couple of years and it's really meant to be that hot cocoa moment where you shut off everything in your house and you just got the Christmas lights on and just trying to find the Spirit of Christmas in the silence and just catch a breather in the festivities of it all, this is the soundtrack for that. So, check it out at. There are plenty of resources in the Daily Audio Bible Shop. If you spend $40 or more in the shop this season, we will include in your order the Daily Audio Bible Christmas ornament for 2020. We have one each year. We have for the last seven years. And, so, we have that this year as well. And you get it with your purchase of $40 or more in the Shop.
If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you do that dailyaudiobible.com as well. There is a link on the homepage and I'm humbled…humbled to know that so many have clicked that link. And that is why we’re here or if you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner. And I'm humbled. Like, that’s not a joke. I'm humbled that…that that link would be clicked and that we would continue on and…as a community together. I thank you for your partnership. Or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.
And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement, or holiday greeting right now you can hit the Hotline button in the app, the little red button up at the top, can’t miss it, or you can dial 877-942-4253.
And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.
Community Prayer and Praise:
Good morning this message is for little Halo. This is Grandpa Bob from Michigan. Oh, sweetheart I heard your prayer and your cry out for help to deal with this person who’s being evil toward you and perhaps others. Honey just start off by praying for this person. They need God in their heart. They don’t have a mother who loves them perhaps or teaches them God’s way. But the sound of your voice, sweet innocent child, God loves you so much and He will give you the strength to deal with this person. I want you to know that you sound just like my grandbabies and that I love you. I want the best for you. And because you reached out God is going to help you deal with this person. He loves you. He loves you. You know what, and so do we. Call in again. Call in again. You are loved. Bye-bye.
Hello, I was just calling for prayer about… I feel so distracted with things that are going on in the world and so much of makes me sick and I try to keep listening to the Bible and I do but I have to keep reminding…like…keep staying focused on what I’m listening to and I try to read and it’s just everything is…it’s really hard to stay hopeful. And I just…no matter how hard I try to focus on God…it just…I don’t I don’t feel close. It’s just really hard. It just makes me feel sick, physically sick to my stomach. So, thank you for your prayers.
Dear Daily Audio Bible family it’s Faithful Hope in the UK and I’m calling this time to ask you to join me in prayer. I have mentioned previously that I’m in a nasty court case with regards to my children. And yeah. It’s nothing new. It’s been going on for several years. Anyway, you guys have been praying and I’ve felt that and thank you to everyone who’s joined me in prayer so far. But today I’ve just literally sent my ex-husband an email, asking him and his wife and his mother and even his church fellowship to consider having seven days of prayer and fasting…well…prayer and fasting for me and him and prayer from the others bringing this matter before the Lord because there’s no need for this acrimony. Obviously, it will only work if were humble and repentant and all of us who have been involved in this situation are humble and repentant of any harm we’ve inflicted on the other. So, I do ask you Daily Audio Bible family. I pray that…to pray that he’ll be able to respond to that positively, that he will join in this prayer and at the end of the seven days we will have a real praise report going forward. So, yeah. So, let’s just pray. Lord I do thank You Lord that You bring a peace that is beyond all measure that is hard to fathom Lord. And Lord I just pray that You would bring Your peace into the situation. Lord I pray that Steve and Jill would be willing to commit to this time in Jesus’ name. Amen.
[singing starts] He’s got the whole world in His hands. He’s got the whole world in His hands. He’s got the whole world in His hands. He’s got the whole world in His hands. He’s got my brothers and my sisters in His hands. He’s got my brothers and my sisters in His hands. He’s got my brothers and sisters in His hands. He’s got the whole world in His hands. He’s got the sun and the rain in His hands. He’s got the moon and the stars in His hands. He’s got the wind and the clouds in His hands. He’s got the whole world in His hands. He’s got the rivers and the mountains in His hands. He’s got the oceans and the seas in His hands. He’s got…He got…He’s got…He’s got me…and my…He’s got you and He’s got me in has hands. He’s got the whole world in His hands. He’s got everybody here in His hands. He’s got everybody there in His hands. He’s got everybody everywhere in His hands. He’s got the whole world in His hands. He’s got the whole world in His hands. He’s got the whole world in His hands. Dum pum. [singing stops] I’m His grace He shines. Loving you Daily Audio Bible family and praying…
Hello DABber family this is Walta the Burning Bush that will not be Devoured for the Glory of our God and our King. I just heard the sweetest call from Halo I think that’s your name and your mom inspired you to listen to the DAB and you called in praying for yourself. Hatred, you mentioned the word and you…you talked about someone in school that’s just being mean. And, so, I want you to know I prayed for you. And Father God I praise You for this girl and I thank You for Your love for You and her love for Your word and I pray that You will put a shield of protection around her as she goes to school. Help her to see these kids through Your eyes and Lord I pray that You will use her to bring them closer to You O God. And I pray O God that You stop them. Give her favor. Give them just the desire to get to know her and to be nice the next time they see her Father. I know that You’re able to work miracles. And Father God, thank You for all the kids listening God and all the parents O God in raising their kids Lord. Teach us O Lord to number our days. In Jesus’ name. Amen. And Candace from Oregon, I heard your praise report for Micah. I’m praising God for you. Have a wonderful, wonderful Christmas if I don’t see you guys or talk to you soon. Bye-bye.
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Chapter 16: Ethan*: Part One
Ethan* was the one where when I said to my friends, “I don’t want to have to write a stupid ‘dating in Tampa’ chapter about this guy…. He’s a good egg.” But here I am, writing it.
I matched with Ethan* on Bumble during a super busy work week, we chatted about things briefly on the app, and I mentioned that I might be able to do a video chat rather than an in-person date easier that week because of my schedule. He agreed to it and asked if that night would work. So our first date is a rather spontaneous video date. I made dinner for myself and was eating it about 20 minutes before our time we picked up, when a piece of mozzarella got stuck in my throat and I was choking. I managed to dislodge the mozzarella cheese stuck in my throat, but was afraid my voice might be weird since I had just stuck my hand down my throat to save my own life.
He had said that he tended to be a little awkward on the phone. Despite the disclaimer, I found him to be perfectly fine on the phone. I told him about my near death experience prior to the call, and we had a laugh about it. We gave each other tours of our homes. He owns his and has completely renovated his place, which is pretty cool. I admired the handiwork of his home, especially the “shiny floors” that he had redone. I learn some quirks about him, such as being homeschooled until college and that he doesn’t like chocolate (weird). He also had mentioned that he was born in Northern Virginia, about ten minutes away from where I grew up and lived there until he was five, before moving to St. Pete. He never had typical pets, but did take care of some squirrels and some lizards, straight Florida kid shit. We ended the call recognizing we got along and generally understood each other. I knew he was 26 but turns out that I was like ten days short of exactly a year older. He immediately after said he was “excited to hang out... soon.” and that we seem to have a lot in common. Agreed.
I let him know that I have some questions for him before that, but that I’ll get to them. The next day, rather than doing that, my friend Lauren inspires me to make a legitimate dating application. I create this thorough Google form, which includes serious questions, as well as some less serious questions which are unfortunately inspired by my previous dating experience, i.e. do you chew with your mouth open? are you a warlock?, etc. I send this to him, and he hesitantly does it after I ask him to. His comment at the end is “I thought this was dumb, but I actually had fun.” From this form, I learn that truly Ethan* does have some similar goals to me. He also doesn’t want children. I ask what people are looking for and he responds with “Unsure yet, but I am open to anything from casual friends with benefits all the way up to a long term relationship if we are a good match. I don't have any future goals but I enjoy companionship and sex and seek these out in a partner.“ Seems like a fair expectation, which is kind of where I am at too. I send that same application to different people that I’ve matched with at the time, but Ethan* is definitely my front runner.
This guy didn’t really match up to my usual douchebag energy guy I usually go for. He was a college athlete, wide receiver and ran track, and definitely still kept up with his physique. He had curly bronde hair that was slightly receding on the sides, a six-pack, and nicely sculpted shoulders and back. I knew ahead of time he was on the shorter side, that is, not over six feet tall. He owns a boat and also has a pilot’s license and flies planes for fun. Things that were definitely unique and super cool. He asked me if I would ever go flying with him, to which I enthusiastically said that would be cool. He didn’t know that learning to fly is also something on my bucket list, I would actually never have the chance to tell him.
That weekend, a few days after our virtual date, I was finally done with my marathon of working long days and said I would be down for meeting up. He mentions his plans with his friends were canceled that night, and we decide to do something that night. I let him know I have an appointment and can come over after that, around 6. We discuss what we are going to do, we decide on a night in. I suggest tacos, however, he responds by asking if I like Chipotle. I inform him that since we live in a place where there are much greater options for local taco places, which aren’t Chipotle and basic, we should get that instead. He then suggests a place by him we can go to, and we agree on that. However, this is also coming from a guy who said Papa Johns was his favorite type of pizza. With pineapple.
I go for a comfy but not trying too hard look for that night. Some athletic leggings from Uniqlo, and a crop top. Ironically, I believe that exact ensemble is in one of my photos on Bumble, in hindsight. I excitedly text him about it being 7/11, which is free slurpee day, and ask if we can go. He says there’s a 7 Eleven by him that we can go to. I finished my appointment, which was actually a lip and eyebrow wax, and drove to his place. He asks me to park on the street so that he can drive his car to the taco place, and I sarcastically tell him that he’s going to have to drive around my car in the driveway. I then mention I’m on the way and will see him soon.
Usually, by the time I am going to meet someone in person, I have given them my number or other ways to contact me outside of the original app. My friend had suggested to me that I try to stay on these apps communication wise, until a successful first date. I was trying to follow this advice and since Ethan* and I were still communicating exclusively on Bumble, I was following that advice. Granted, he hadn’t really asked me either to change communication methods, so it worked out.
I message him “Aqui” when I pull up to his house, and as I start to get my things out of my car he emerges from the front door to greet me. Immediately as I walk up and analyze him, I feel bad as a wave of disappointment falls over me. He in no way lied about his height on his profile, but definitely I overestimated how tall his height was. Otherwise, he was 100% authentic and who he said he was. He meekly asks about my appointment and if everything is okay, specifically asking if it was a doctors’ appointment. I admit I was actually getting a wax, then he compliments me saying that my brows look really nice and he otherwise wouldn’t have said anything as it would seem weird.
I then say I’m hungry and we should go get food. I get out to his car, which is a super nice Jeep Grand Cherokee, with a leather interior. Despite the nice car, I look down at the floor of the passenger seat, which is entirely covered in discard receipts.
I mention this to him, and he gets super embarrassed about forgetting to clear his car before I arrived. Upon looking at the receipts as I help him clean, I recognize many of them are from Taco Bell. We bond however over the amazingness of Baja Blast being the ultimate drink. I insist we go to 7 Eleven first to get our slurpees, since I don’t want the food getting cold/soggy. We find out it isn’t really free slurpee day, due to COVID-19, and instead it’s a get a medium free next time with your membership there or something. So I get a medium anyway, so at least mine is free.
Next, we pull up to the taco joint, which is basically you walk up to a door to order. We discuss the menu and agree that fish is gross. He orders for us both, which I love, and sit briefly at a colorful picnic table outside of the restaurant. We are there not even one minute, when he asks if we can go to the little market that’s next to the restaurant. I say sure, and we browse the market. He picks up some apples and some grapes, and we just sort of look around. We are joking around and I quiz him on the “best type of apple,” which is sort of an inside joke at my full time job.
He finishes his purchases and we sit at a different picnic table, while waiting again for our food. They bring it out and we take it back to his place. In the car he’s going between rap and pop music. I’m more or less into anything but country, so it’s a fair vibe. I figure since he was on a football team, that was probably what he was used to listening to in the locker room.
Now that we’re back at his place, I excuse myself to the restroom. A man’s private restroom always says something about the man. Does he clean his bathroom? How many products does he have? Does he have that singular shampoo/conditioner/body wash combo bottle in his shower? His toilet definitely could use a scrub, same with his shower, but otherwise pretty well kept and he had separate products in his shower.
I’m still feeling iffy about the guy due to his height, and when I sit down on the cough with him, he asks if I like South Park. Unfortunately we find out that South Park has been taken off Hulu and so we look for a back up. Then he asks about Rick and Morty; I love that show, so we turn that on for us to watch while we eat. He too is a couch eater, which is good since his dining table literally has no chairs around it.
We share some laughs, we eat the food, we drink the slurpees. Once there’s no longer food to eat, he asks if I want to cuddle. I say “uhm okay.” I remember a message he had sent me the day before where I said I hope he doesn’t try to cuddle in my lap like my dog, and he had responded “what if I did? jk. but really do you like to cuddle?” And I’m wondering if I’ve gotten myself into a stage 5 clinger situation. Somehow I become like the guy, as he is nuzzled onto my belly and I have my arm around him. Later he asks to spoon, and I’m like yeah that’s fine. As I’m sure that’s less awkward than what we’re doing now. Though if I wasn’t so uncertain about him, the previous position probably would have been cute and endearing. While we were cuddling, we talked about goals and briefly about my application. He talks more about how he flies planes on the side, and that his goal is to join the National Guard as a pilot. The cut off is 32, so essentially he wanted to gain more and more flying experience so he could join before the cutoff. I have never really been particularly interested in being involved with someone in the military, so that was almost a turn off for me. However, I did this it was good that he had solid goals he was continually working on.
Regardless, I’m still having a good time. He’s a nice and entertaining guy, and we mesh well. It starts to get late, so I mention it’s time I go. Before I leave, I remember we have still only been talking via Bumble, I ask him for his number. I then realize I also don’t know his last name, so I also ask for his last name. I realize his initials are “Eh,” which I find humorous, so I text him “eh” to let him know it’s me. Which also described how I was feeling at that moment.
He then walks me to my car and I give him a hug, and then he kisses me. Even though I wasn’t really feeling kissy after this date, I realize it is actually a really nice kiss and tell him I’ll let him know when I get home. I think back to Aaron* where he wasn’t the best kisser, and think oh well that’s nice.
I get home and stew over the date, thinking about what I’m going to do about this guy. He texts me the next day saying “Would it be bad if I already wanted to see you again tonight?” I tell him I have plans, which isn’t a lie, I do, and let him know I’m free the next night. We set up another hang out at his place.
In my mind, I determine the way I’ll figure out my feelings is to sleep with him. “If the sex is good,” I think to myself, “then that should get me over the height thing. And if it’s terrible, then I’m outtie anyway.”
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How to turn a London Con trip into a “Chernobyl” trip.
I’m home so I can finally make this post.
Where to start.
Okay-
Let’s start with “Chernobyl”. It happened a few months ago, fell on our heads like a nuclear bomb. We all loved the protagonists but Viktor Charkov, the KGB chairman, is also a memorable, creepy, hateful character who got under our skin with the cold truth of his words, the harsh reality of his behaviour. He was too real, too pragmatic to be ignored. From stories I’ve been told in person, he’s no different than the executive arms of tyrants we had here not more than forty years ago. He exists. People like him live among us.
As for the actor himself, so strange. See, there is no mention of Alan Williams’ age on IMDB or Wikipedia and that’s enough to show that, apart from his theatre, TV and film work, little is known about him. Where to find him, contact him, he’s too old to care about social media and apparently he never was too sought out, not with a “face like a bagful of donuts” as he jokes.
But I was thrilled. I wrote the first chapter of “A single bullet” after watching “Chernobyl” and I just had to show it to this elusive low-profile thespian who inspired me. Because... I don’t know, because. Just to say “Thanks for doing a magnificent job. Thanks for helping me understand evil.”
So I tried contacting his agent. I gave her my name and nationality. I thought I’d just send her the link and forget about it.
Apparently, she forgot about it too because I never heard from her.
After a month London Con was upon us, but what to do in the evenings? Plays of course. I booked a ticket for “The woman in black” and “The Hunt” with Tobias Menzies. Then I searched and searched for Alan Williams plays but, to my dismay, he had finished playing Ivan Romanovich Chebutykin in “Three sisters” at the beginning of June and his new play, “Faith, hope and charity”, wouldn’t premiere before September. Just my luck to be in London in between the two plays. No stage door queue, no autographs.
After spending a full Saturday at London Con and Sunday at the British Museum, Monday had to be a day of leisure. A free concert at St Martin-in-the-Fields before lunch was all I was capable of attending, drag my steps towards the closest bus stop that would drop me off… wherever. I didn’t care.
But then I decided to read my post from the previous day about managing to buy a ticket for “The girl on the train” at the very last minute and meeting Alex Ferns, the naked miner. The unexpected ticket, the unexpected hug.
Now how difficult would it be to meet an actor who is NOT doing a play at the moment?
Very very difficult, confirmed one voice.
He’s rehearsing for ‘Faith, hope and charity’, isn’t he? disagreed another. He must be. It’s almost August and the play opens in September. He’s at work right now. He must be!!!
I googled and googled for almost an hour. I found that “Faith, hope and charity” would be staged at the Dorfman theatre near Waterloo station so I called the stage door. I explained to the receptionist that I did not know Mr Williams in person but I was visiting London for only a few days, was a big fan of his work in “Chernobyl” and I would really love to greet him. The man on the phone was very helpful revealing that this was their first day of rehearsing (the incredible coincidence!) and they had started only… an hour ago. He asked my name and I said “Well… you can say Eleni”, I mean, who needs my complicated surname, right? The guy said he’d save my number and let Mr Williams know.
Oh god.
But I couldn’t just sit there waiting for a call, I’d never get that call, come on.
So I rushed to the Dorfman Theatre. I was breaking my brain trying to figure out how I could get the Charkov chapter of “A single bullet” printed in a district with no stationary shops whatsoever. I was hoping I could… shove it into his face I don’t know, and later imagine he’d be reading it. He didn’t really have to read it, just nod condescendingly and lie that he would, and that would be enough to put a smile on my face. Just like all those toys and drawings people give to celebs at cons that end up in the hands of volunteers, assistants or charities, if not in the trash.
When I got there I talked to a different receptionist, a very professional, very unhelpful young man. For safety reasons he wasn’t supposed to disclose neither the time they’d finish nor the time of recess. For safety reasons I had to go through Mr Williams’ agent to get to him. Outrageous, the woman didn’t even forward my story to him, let alone give me permission to meet him. I was hopeless, I was being turned down. I was being an idiot.
“But they must have a lunch break, right??” I insisted. “Can’t I just wait outside?”
That guy was a goddamn sphinx, and the helpful guy was still talking on the phone or to some lady there, I don’t remember, so I couldn’t reach out to him. Suddenly I felt unnecessarily needy as if I was sitting on the subway floor, shaking my hat to passers-by, clinging my few coins. How humiliating.
With heavy steps I exited the theatre. Why is it so complicated, why do I need someone else’s “permission”? I’m not a child. I looked around, it was a sunny day, people were sitting in coffee tables out in the patio. Some tables were empty but I didn’t care, I just sat on a column by the entrance, far enough to not be seen by the receptionists and feel like shit for lingering, close enough to catch anyone exiting.
For an hour and a half I crouched over my phone trying to figure out how to contact the agent without sounding too stalkery. I called the agency but the girl on the phone gave me the same email address where I had sent my fic. Fine. I changed the wording of my message again and again so as not to sound too needy or creepy even if I knew it wouldn’t work.
I knew I had missed my concert for no reason and I would soon have to leave because who doesn’t like giving up? It’s better to give up than stress over something that’s never gonna happen. It always is.
I was seconds away from clicking “send” and making a fool of myself to the agent for a second time when I thought I saw someone, a towering presence stopping a few meters away, looking over, hesitating, waiting.
I raised my head.
There he was, three-dimensional, bathed in sunlight. Not an image in my head anymore.
Believe me when I say that I was staring at Gandalf, Santa Claus, the Grail Knight from “Indiana Jones”, the Big Bad Wolf.
I honestly don’t know what I was staring at.
But there he was, in all his elderly silver-bearded glory. A myth in my mind, in the flesh. How did he know I was there? I didn’t tell anyone. I was supposed to be hiding.
After nanoseconds of deer-like stun I did the polite thing and jumped on my feet, ready for a handshake. I mean, I had to stand up, right? He had come out just for me.
Shit. What had I done? The nerve.
The first thing I remember noticing when I got closer were his faded blue eyes with a distinguishable light-shaded rim circling the iris. The rest was just word vomit, how we all love him on tumblr, write fics, make memes etc.
Memes?
I described to him the “Try me, bitch” edit we all love, courtesy of @two-screaming-rats.
He didn’t get it at first, then he laughed so HARD, so damn hard. You guys have to see Charkov laughing his heart out.
He said he only had a few minutes before he had to go back to the rehearsal so I decided to start the conversation with the Charkov fanfics. He was quick to apologize for not answering my email. “I’m sorry but… but I honestly don’t know what to say when someone sends me a story,” he admitted humbly. “I read all of them but… I mean I’ve been sent stories based on my characters before but I really wouldn’t know what to say.”
Okay first of all, he read my story. I don’t know if he read it a month ago when I sent it or minutes before he exited the theatre to greet me but he did.
Secondly, there are more stories about his characters? WHERE.
“I’m not a writer anyway,” I said apologetically.
The unexpected reassurance. “But you are.”
I guess one doesn’t have to be The Writer™, they just have to write. What a way to be courteous to a fan though.
Then I mentioned how we love Charkov’s trademark, his glasses, how we’re frantically looking for ‘80s-looking glasses, how we obsess over specific frames and brands.
“They’re not a brand,” he clarified, “they were specifically made for me, they’re an exact replica of Viktor Chebrikov’s glasses. Just like our clothes that were made by seamstresses who worked during that era.”
Naturally I praised the production’s attention to detail that has us ranting, how beautiful and “European” it all looked, how true the script was to Lyudmila’s story as it was described in Svetlana Alexievich’ “Chernobyl prayer”. I talked about my thoughts when I first heard there would be a “Chernobyl” TV series: the Americans made a TV show based on events that affected Europe, now that’s a new one. He mentioned Russian media admitting that they should have made that show, not the Americans. I agreed but also added “That’s the thing, it may be beautifully made, it may be the truth, but it’s still propaganda. Just because it’s true, just because the Soviet government did all those horrible things, that doesn’t mean that the show is not serving someone’s agenda.” He disagreed saying that the Soviet people were shown in a good light for their bravery and sacrifice. Well, we knew that, didn’t we.
I said how impressed I was by his portrayal of Charkov because we were told about people like him by dictatorship victims at school. People who had been tortured in the ‘70s came to us, talking about their time in underground cells, in the hands of sadists like Charkov. I told him about my uncle who was arrested and executed by the Nazis for distributing left-wing leaflets, about my grandmother who had to escape to the mountains during the civil war that followed the German occupation because she was a communist. I explained how real it felt to me, his last scene with Legasov in the kitchen. How bleak and horribly accurate.
He mentioned “You’re one of us, Legasov”. To him Charkov was just doing his job, working for the greater good and he agreed with the quote in my fic, that Charkov “couldn’t wait to retire”.
He then joked about Charkov being blasé after the committee meeting, “Meh, I’m done with arresting people, I let others do it for me”.
I assure you all those questions were answered in a couple of minutes, and I was certain our meeting was about to come to an end.
But then… he gestured toward an empty table.
Don’t let an aged man standing, was my spontaneous thought. I was reminded of my father.
Then I realized. He gestured toward an empty table.
Table. The two of us. On a sunny day.
Time, he was offering me his time.
And… oh my god, this was practically an interview, why was I not recording this, he was answering my questions so effortlessly.
No. That would be rude, that would be greedy.
Just relax and enjoy the moment and try to remember fucking everything.
I asked him what his inspiration for Charkov was, if he based his portrayal on other actors or historical figures. He paused to think and explained that the script was very strict anyway, very defined. However he did mention Charkov’s line, “I know you’ve heard the stories about us. When I hear them, even I am shocked” and how that reflected Stalin’s hypocritical quote, “What do I know, I’m just a peasant”.
His favourite line was “Trust but verify, and the Americans think that Ronald Reagan thought that up”.
“Is that really an old Russian proverb…?” I wondered.
“I… don’t know!” he laughed.
During the rest of the conversation he mentioned his friend whose job was to translate the Pravda, and his years in Canada where he met Czech-Greeks, namely Greek communists who were driven away by our right-wing government after the Second World War. Even the Soviets didn’t want them so they were sent to the Czech Republic and ended up in Canada. These people belonged nowhere.
I didn’t know that, and he didn’t know about Vladimir Gubarev, the writer of the play “Sarcophagus” and science editor of the Pravda who was the recipient of Legasov’s tapes. I quoted him saying “Why call the protagonist Legasov since that’s not how Legasov was, they could have used a character who’s a scientist and give him any other name.” Like Ulana, I added, who’s a composite character, or Chebrikov/Charkov, mostly fictional.
Our conversation was coming to an end; he asked me what plays I saw in London and he smiled when I mentioned Alex Ferns in “The girl on the train”.
It was truly overwhelming; I was torn between being swept away by the moment, focusing on nothing but the faded blue of his eyes, bathing in the calm rhythm of his voice, and actually paying attention to what he was saying. Only once did my eyes dart at his left hand spotting the unusually thick golden ring on his finger. When one’s mind plays tricks the best way to discipline is a glimpse at The Ring because if he didn’t have nearly my father’s years I’d probably be having a horribly inappropriate crush.
“Time to go,” he apologized.
We took a couple of photos and I pulled out Svetlana Alexievich’ book, asking for an autograph.
“Where should I sign?” he asked.
“Wherever you want.”
He flipped through the pages noticing my page markers, notes and underlinings. “What are these for?”
“Just… just notes. Do you want my—” I suggested grabbing my big-ass permanent marker.
Without a word he gave a knowing smile and, like an experienced conjurer, he pulled out of his jacket an elegant little sharpie. Delicate pens for delicate words.
I didn’t dare read what he wrote to me then, I could only make out his name through that intelligible doctor-like writing. Surely my name wasn’t there because I hadn’t introduced myself. Still, I thanked him from the bottom of my heart.
Time to go.
We shook hands and I said how honoured I was that he had spent time with me. I tried not to stare as he disappeared into the theatre but before I left I ran into the foyer, quickly thanked the receptionist to whom I had talked on the phone and stormed out of the building with that huge wave of adrenaline pumping violently in my ears.
As I crossed the street I was grinning like an idiot. I knew I had to stop right there and write down everything before I forgot - but it was pointless. I’m not a recorder to have to write down everything the minute it happens. It’s enough to remember the pale rimming of his eyes.
Now, two days after meeting him, I’m still torn between pride and embarrassment. What the hell was I thinking? Doesn’t a man deserve to work in peace?
But as I’m writing this and attaching his signature on the first page of “Chernobyl prayer” I dare for the first time read what he wrote to me.
Pleasure to meet you.
People say they have religious moments when meeting their favourite celebs.
Mine was poetic.
What a darling, darling man.
#chernobyl#alan williams#viktor charkov#vikor chebrikov#fan encounter#dorfman theatre#alex ferns#the girl on the train#london#kgb
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Butter Peekin
Story Summary: Reader is a music director of the Netflix series, The Umbrella Academy. One day the main cast initiate a lunch break together only to have David Castañeda and reader unable to find them at their supposed meeting spot. Reader and David decide to spend their lunch break together with ice-cream and they start to feel a connection. They’re so into their time together that they run late back to work. Their coworkers tease them over it, including Gerard Way! The next day, David asks reader out on a date and gets their number. This prompts reader to try and kiss him until they get cock-blocked by Tom Hopper. The day after that, David kisses reader just days before their date.
Pairing: David Castañeda x Fan
Chapter: 1/1
Word Count: 3,263 words
Warning: Fluff
A/N: I referenced a podcast David was recently a guest on (x). I was originally going to make this a drabble that ends when the lunch break does. Then it just got so cute. I couldn’t stop typing! I hope you all get the same warm and fuzzy feelings I did when I wrote this. Also I made this gender-neutral hence the lack of details for the reader and referring to them in they/them pronouns. Enjoy!
The ice cream shop on Queen St. E is cramped, just as any other place in downtown Toronto is. The whole colour scheme is pale yellow and primary blue; some walls are painted one colour or the other. There’s a chalkboard with the specials written on it.
Out of all the places you could have been hanging out with your celebrity crush in, you never thought it would be Ed’s Real Scoop.
“A butter pecan on a cone, and whatever they’re having.” A tall and built man with a beard signals the ice cream shop server to you with his wallet. He is wearing cargo shorts, a grey sweatshirt, a cap, socks, and running shoes.
You never thought of David Castañeda wearing something like this. He’s Diego Hargreeves in the Netflix series, The Umbrella Academy! Diego wears leather clad and swings knives at targets. Then again, David is David. The actor must be different from the character. Also, he wore this same outfit in an hour-long podcast you so watched in the summer. The podcast happened when he was in Thailand.
Now, he’s filming for season 2 of The Umbrella Academy, which gets you out of your day job. You are a music director on the show and that pays your bills. David and you are acquaintances, or so you think.
You shyly smile at David and thank him for offering to pay for your ice-cream. Then you tell the server your order of choice.
As the server prepares both your ice-creams, you look the opposite direction of David. David and you get along in the studio. You’re just used to seeing him with the rest of the cast and crew. You only have this alone time with him because theoretically the rest of the main cast ditched you both. You all originally planned to have lunch together. David and you failed to find them once lunch started, so David decided to take you out for ice cream.
Just as you are accepting this silence between David and you, he lets out a laugh. You look up at him and can’t help but to laugh along. His smile and his laugh are so cute and contagious. You just love his teeth. “What, what is it?”
He takes a moment before laughing again. “Okay, I wanna tell you something and you have to promise not to laugh. You swear?”
You giggle. “No promises.”
He beams up at you. “Y/N, please. This is top-secret info, okay?”
You hold your hands up and let out some incoherent sound. You weren’t sure if to say Okay or Fine.
I promise probably would have cut it. You let it go. He’s still smiling so hard.
“Okay…” He begins. “So, you know that I was born in Mexico, right?”
“Uh huh.” Of course, you know that. You’ve only googled him a hundred times.
“And that I went to high school in LA.”
You nod again. God, you really hope that David doesn’t know about your big crush on him.
“Right, so I could speak English fluently then. I just couldn’t pronounce certain words. Like, butter pecan!” He shudders. “Why do people say it like pikahn? That sounds so bougie!”
You actually remember hearing him tell that fun fact in the podcast. You’re not sure how to react to something you’ve already heard before. You decide to tell him another fun fact. “You know that you can say pee-can.”
He looks at you in amazement. “Wait, really!? Why didn’t anyone tell me that?” He looks the opposite of your direction and mutters the other pronunciation for his favourite ice-cream flavour. Then he looks at you and laughs once again. “Pee… can. Can of pee.”
You choke out a laugh. Right now, he’s just as fun-loving and weird and gross as he is to you with the group. You wonder why you were so nervous and anxious just a few seconds ago. He’s such a lovely human being with good energy. You decide to confess something to him. “I actually listened to the podcast you told the butter pikhan story.”
He beams up. “Oh really? What did you think of it?”
You’re oddly relieved at his response. Come to think of it, why did you think that watching the podcast would be a bad thing? “Well, I mean… the butter peekin story was great.” You realise you didn’t let him finish his story. He used to pronounce butter pecan as butter peekin. He chuckles anyway. “Can I… be honest about the podcast guys though?” You ask.
David smirks. “What is the tea?” He makes a sizzling noise.
You roll your eyes and laugh. “Can you ever give a serious answer to anything?”
“Sorry,” he laughs.
“No no, it’s fine! It’s entertaining.”
He gives you one last smile before the server calls you both for your ice-creams. David walks to the end of the counter where the cashier is. He takes out a $20 bill for both your ice-creams and he puts some of his change in the tip jar.
“Do you wanna stay here or take a walk on Woodbine Beach?” He takes a lick of his butter pecan ice-cream.
You give him a puzzled look. “What about fans? They’re going to stop you and ask for your autograph!” You take a lick of your ice cream and accidentally get a big chunk of the frozen treat in your mouth. You let it melt inside. You like the numbness on your tongue.
He leads you both out the shop and you passively follow him. Then he rolls his eyes and chuckles. “Y/N, you flatter me. First you watch my podcast and now you believe I have fans.”
You spit out your ice cream from a burst of laughter. You didn’t even care he pointed out the podcast. His self-deprecating humour reminded you why you love him so much.
“You okay there?” He chuckles.
You scoff and roll your eyes. “Yeah, thanks, David.” It was your turn to be sarcastic.
“Here, I picked up some napkins.” He pulls some out of his shorts pockets. You let out a hand with the assumption that he’ll hand you the napkin. Instead, he stops you both on the sidewalk outside the shop and he wipes your ice-cream covered lips with it. This might be the closest you’ve ever gotten to him besides a hug. He’s touching your lips and it’s great, even though he’s not touching them with his lips.
He lets go. You clear your throat and thank him.
It feels like a movie moment. You think that you should let the tension last as the streets had their usual noise of honking cars and beeping bus stops. In that sound, he’d think of kissing you. Instead, he picks up your conversation from the ice-cream shop. “So, what didn’t you like about those interviewers from the podcast?”
“Hmm?” You look at him as you try and adjust to a new conversation topic. “Oh right.” You’ve processed what he said. “Well, call me a social justice warrior, but I thought they were so politically incorrect, you know? Like… after you said the butter peekin story and you called an old friend a coconut. They thought that was racist? Seriously?”
David rolls his eyes. “Yeah… I was confused by that.”
“You seemed it!”
“I wanted to ask them how was that racist, and they just said that we weren’t gonna get into it. I mean, I couldn’t really do anything after that, you know? I didn’t wanna cause a scene, especially in my big break!”
“I thought you didn’t have fans.”
He opens his mouth and leaves it hanging. “Touché.”
You chuckle. Gosh, does he have such a good sense of humour. You look at him with a serious look. “There is another thing I wanna point out about those guys.”
“More tea!?” He grins. “Damn Y/N, I never took you for a gossip girl!”
You guffaw. “Wow okay! So that’s how you see me now?”
He chuckles. “Maybe… I like it anyway. You’ve got spunk and don’t take shit from anybody.”
You blush. David paid you a compliment and you’re trying so hard to see it as a friendly comment. “Yeah, well…” You play off your bashfulness with an exaggerated hair flip. “You know you love me.”
He lets out a hearty laugh, and that only makes you feel overwhelmed. Have you always been this funny? Does anyone else laugh this hard at your jokes?
You’re having such a good time with him that you never mind the talk about the podcast anymore. Who wants to rant about two white guys when you’re with the most gorgeous man you’ve ever seen!?
David and you take a stroll on the beach. It isn’t until you’re walking on it and feel the cool air from the lake that you felt how hot it was outside earlier. The beach really soothes you. David and you are still on a sugar high from the ice-creams, and you rush finishing them so that the sand doesn’t rush up on your treats from the wind. You’re laughing so hard as he slurps his cone and tilts it up. It’s probably a disgusting view to the people around you, and that makes it more entertaining for you.
David turns around to see if anyone’s looking at him. There does appear to be an irritated family sitting on some lawn chairs. He looks at you. “And you thought I had fans.”
You hold your stomach from laughing. “Don’t kill me!”
He smiles along with your laugh. When he finishes his ice cream, he rubs his hands to get the crumbs off. He pulls out his smartphone and gasps. “Uhh… Y/N.” He shows you the time. “I think break was over looong ago.”
You gasp. “Oh fuck… You have some missed calls too!”
“It’s okay! We’ll get an uber.”
“Yeah?” You check with him. “Will it cost much?”
He slings his wrist and purses his lips. “It’s on me, it’s fine.”
“You already paid for ice-cream. Let me split this with you.”
He shrugs. “Okay. Whatever. We’ll figure it out. Let’s just get back now!” David opens the Uber app on his phone and starts ordering a ride. You both wait at the parking lot of the beach together until your ride’s here.
David and you come back to the studio in a panic. You only see the main cast and crew laugh at your dramatic entrance of running inside. David and you freeze as you look at them. You’re especially worried over what Gerard Way thinks.
“Why are you guys running!?” Emmy Raver-Lampman looks like she’s about to cry from how hard she’s laughing. You’re quite embarrassed by that. You’ve also had a bit of a crush on her. Now this woman with goddess-like features and long curly hair is seeing you all sweaty and covered in ice-cream stickiness and you’re heavily breathing.
“Yeah, you’re late, you’re late.” The 16-year-old actor with a page-boy haircut lets out a chuckle. Aidan Gallagher is like his character, Five, in real life. He’s stoic.
Robert Sheehan, the tall and scrawny man with the messy brown hair, green eyes, messy black eyeliner, and funky and colourful clothing chimes in. “David and Y/N sittin’ in a tree…”
“Honestly, where did you guys go?” The short girl with the brown hair and button-like eyes cuts in. Yes, this is your idol since tweenhood, Ellen Page. “We waited for you.”
“Where!?” David yells out.
This gets everyone to bicker over the original plans of where to meet up at lunch time. Before this can go on, a tall and burly man with long dyed-red hair and bright blue eyes cuts in. “Alright, guys. David is back. Now you can film again!” He looks over at you. “Well Y/N, you don’t have to work again for another while, unless there are scenes you can add music to right now.”
You nod your head. “Yes sir. I’m on it. Sorry we’re late!”
He rolls his eyes and laughs. “I don’t even wanna know what David and you got up to.”
This gets the cast to make scandalised faces at David and you. “As I said!” Robert calls out. “David and Y/N sittin’ in a tree!”
“Robert!” Gerard calls out. “Go back to filming.”
You lose David in the crowd of the main cast, so you don’t get to wave goodbye and thank him for a fun lunch break, which had a surprisingly pleasant and wholesome ending.
—–
It’s the day after. You enter the lounge room of the studio. You put down a box of doughnuts on a table there. On top of the box, you leave a sticky note. It reads, Sorry I was late yesterday. I got an assorted range. Hope you all enjoy these. -Y/N
You take one last look at the box and then turn around to see David. This makes you jump up. You didn’t expect to see him in. In fact, you didn’t even hear anyone come in! “Hey David.” You let out a breath.
He looks at you all confused. “Did I scare you?”
“Kind of. I didn’t hear you come in.”
“Oh, my bad.” He chuckles. He looks over you and takes notice of the box of pastries. “What’s this?”
“Hmm?” You turn around to see what he’s looking at. “Oh.” You turn around back to him. “Just an apology gift for yesterday.” You laugh nervously.
He nods. “Can I split the money with you since I wanna apologise too?”
“Are you mocking me?” You scoff.
He laughs. “I mean I do feel bad about yesterday actually and I don’t wanna be late again from getting a box of doughnuts. So…”
You shrug. “It’s on me. You did pay for the Uber.”
“Thanks.” He nods.
You nod back. You’re not sure what to say next. “I should probably head to my department.”
“Yeah, sure. But first…” He looks down at the ground and then back at you. “I just wanted to say that I had a lot of fun yesterday.”
Your heart warms up and you open your mouth. You know that you should say something. “Yeah. Me too. I mean, I had a lot of fun too. With you.” You clear your throat.
He smiles. “If you… ever wanna do this again some time, I’d be down.”
You cannot believe what you’re hearing. You have been asked out by other people in the past year, and you were just irritated. You could sense the bad vibes from those people. David though, he reminds you of your crushes back in high school. You are purely excited. “Yeah. Yeah definitely.”
“Something longer than a lunch break.” He smirks.
You giggle. “Yeah, I hear that. Do you want my number by the way?”
“Oh.” He beams up. “Right, yeah. I was going to ask for that next.” He chuckles and takes his phone out of his jeans pocket.
You smile and accept the phone. He has the page for you to add your name and number on. You type everything in and hand the phone back to him. “Okay, text me at your own will.”
He laughs. “I will. I might call after work actually. Is that okay?”
You open your mouth and wanna exclaim something. You remember to play it cool though. You just love phone calls so much. They’re so intimate and they’re one of the few old-fashioned things you value. Instead of freaking him out, you simply nod your head.
He smiles one last time before saying bye and heading out the lounge room.
You know that you won’t see him in another while. He’ll be working the whole day, and so will you. You look back and forth to your side and then to his direction. You want to kiss him. But is it too soon? You don’t know, but you decide to go in for the kill. You head out the lounge room only to be stopped by Tom Hopper, the tall and muscular actor with the buzzed haircut. He shows you a photo of his babies that his wife just texted him. He’s British. It’s 1pm in England. You go along with his excitement and compliment his babies on how cute they are.
You’re in your apartment after a long day of work. You decided to stay in at the studio for your lunch break. You ate a sandwich you brought from home and watched a few finished scenes of The Umbrella Academy. You brainstormed which songs would be fitting for all of the scenes you watched today. There was a meeting for it afterwards.
You change into your comfy clothes at your apartment and get a sense of relief. You prepare some food and plop on the couch. You turn on Netflix and watch the TV show of your choice. You can’t really get into what you’re watching though. You’re too busy mindlessly munching on your food and zoning out. You wonder if Tom cockblocking you was a good idea. Chasing after David for a kiss would have definitely been a desperate move. You also try to justify your decision with the fact that you’ve known David for a while now. There are romantic implications. Maybe he wants to kiss you too.
Before you can ponder on this, you hear your phone quickly vibrate. You pick it up and see a text letting you know that it’s David. You beam up and immediately save his name and number on your phone. You text him “Hey!” He texts and asks if it’s okay to call you right now.
You text a thumbs up emoji. You anticipate the call as you look at the text thread. Your phone gives longer vibrations this time, which shows that you’re getting a call. You pick it up. “Hello?”
“Y/N.” There’s that sexy deep voice. “Hey. How’s it going?”
You can feel your heart fluttering. You’re relieved that you didn’t kiss him. It would have scared him off. Tom cockblocking you made all this worth it.
—–
You see David the next day at work. You’re both in the lounge room before your times to start. You’re the only ones in the room and smile at one another as you walk in. “So, I guess we just awkwardly look at each other before Friday?” You quip. Friday is your date with David. You’re getting dinner and plan to go back to the beach.
“Yeah, I guess so.” He smirks. “That or…” He looks away and sighs.
You furrow your brows. “Or what?”
He walks over to you from the coffee machine and holds your face. He rubs one of your cheeks with his thumb and leans in. He eyes the room before touching your lips with his.
You’re quite surprised over this. You still close your eyes and go along with it. He tastes like the black coffee he just made and sipped. He smells really good from his body spray and you get a whiff of his shampoo. He must have showered before coming here. Your lips are so relaxed on each other until he presses harder and holds your waist to lean you in. You wrap your arms around his neck. You both sigh in the kiss until he decides to let go.
He looks at you and rubs your cheek with his thumb one last time before pecking your nose and walking out the room.
You are stunned. Much to your luck, he also had an urge to kiss you.
#the umbrella academy#the umbrella academy fluff#the umbrella academy fanfiction#tua#tua fluff#tua fanfiction#diego hargreeves#diego hargreeves x reader#diego hargreeves fluff#diego hargreeves fanfiction#david castañeda#david castañeda fluff#david castañeda fanfiction#david castañeda x reader
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Bad news, guys...
Alright, so I’ve decided that, seeing as I’ll be visiting W-Town and the Great Wall again in May (when it will be waaaaay prettier), I’ll just do a post about it then.
Suffice it to say, it was a dope trip.
HOWEVER!!!!! I’ll tell y’all about my time since. The major highlight since the W-Town trip was obviously St. Patrick’s Day. I was somewhat nervous, given that most of the people I’ve met here probably wouldn’t want to celebrate the way that my family (which is way better at St. Patrick’s Day than your family, thank-you-very-much) celebrate.
There were no green alligators or long-necked geese, and that bleeding pub didn’t catch fire. Certainly not 12 times!! I suppose I still saw the same number of unicorns as usual, but I think I would have had bigger problems if there more.
My plan for that day was to make it to Paddy O’Shea’s Pub, the Irish pub of Beijing, by 12pm on the 17th. As it turns out, the Pub had started their St. Patrick’s Day celebration on the 16th because they knew some people wouldn’t want to be completely hungover for work the next day.
For me, though, 12pm on the 17th seemed a perfect time to start as it would be 12am on the morning of my grandmother’s would-be 91st birthday. I could go on and on about how wonderful that woman was, and how big of an impact she had on me, but I’ll just say this: she was a good Bud. I’m obviously incredibly thankful for this teaching opportunity, but I’m struggling with being okay about missing out on St. Patrick’s Day in Northern Michigan this year. At least I was there last year and for Christmas and the New Year. That will have to be enough.
Anyway, I went with ML, S and another neighbor L, none of whom have ever truly celebrated St. Patrick’s Day like an American, let alone a Sylvain, but they were open to trying. And I was the one leading the group, which I still think is strange as I thought I was the least capable of the 4 of us at guiding a group through this very Chinese city. Fortunately, that compass in my brain works just as well on this side of the world as it does state-side.
Oh, and I looked damn fine, if I do say so myself!
We were a tad late to Paddy O’Shea’s, but the beer came quickly enough, and it tasted almost as good as it would have at the Side Door Saloon.
I didn’t take a picture of the bangers and mash that I ordered, but I couldn’t have been more pleased.
One major difference between celebrating here versus back in the States: there were people born and raised in Ireland celebrating with us! And there was a really cute bartender from just outside Dublin that came to serve beer just for that evening...
OH! On the Wednesday before, one of my students asked if I was going to wear a green hat when I celebrated, and the rest of the room laughed. I didn’t get the joke, commented that I’d for sure wear my green tie but that I didn’t own a green hat. After inquiring about the hat, they shared that, in China, wearing a green hat sort of sends the message that you’re a cuckold.
I would later find out the “historical basis” for this strange cultural faux pas: during the Warring States Era in China, there was a famous political icon who I was known to wear a green hat. Apparently he was a big deal, and he always wore a green hat. And then his wife cheated on him, so now a green hat means what it means. That’s it. That’s the whole story. It happened to one dude who happened to wear a green hat, and now it’s this huge thing that college students laugh about. *shrug*
Anyway, back to Paddy O’Shea’s. The bar itself was more “authentic” than I have grown to expect. I’ll probably pass the time in that pub a few more times before my time here is up. One of the key advantages is that it has a fully functioning website, which is something I’ve learned not to take for granted anymore. When I was searching in the days prior for a place to celebrate, I had stumbled across another bar: Molly Malone’s. Do not (I REPEAT: DO NOT) visit the website for Molly Malone’s. Especially at work. With the door open. When anybody and their mother could walk by.
The website, the one that the location on Google Maps and every other map app links you to, looks like a mid ‘90′s website with a few notable images. I’ll describe it for you to the best of my memory: the background is all black, all of the text is placed in little white rectangles, all of which span the middle 40% of the site and fit jigsaw-like to form one large rectangle of questionable links. The font itself is in a variety of cheap styles and bright, neon colors. Flashing text, coloring-changing text. The works. Again: it looked like a mid ‘90′s website. But not just any mid ‘90′s website.
A mid ‘90′s website with vulgar images that would make a 12 year old blush and fidget uncomfortably in their seat. I repeat again: do not visit this site! WHY IS THIS THE OFFICIAL SITE FOR THE WEBSITE?
And when I found out that, not only is this bar a real place that happens to be near a few foreign embassies and it is reportedly not-too-difficult to find a “lady of the night” in its vicinity, I wasn’t surprised? Why is it that those two pieces of information just “fit together?”
*sigh*
Paddy O’Shea’s, in contrast, is an upstanding establishment. And though they had started their party the day before and kept it going all night, the place was still in remarkably good shape, all things considered. Most of the seating was filled when we arrived, but by the time I left around 8pm (I’m completely guessing here; I have no idea what time it was), all of the standing room was occupied.
ML and S seemed quite gungho about having an Irish Car Bomb, while L was shocked that anyone would use such a phrase to describe a beverage. Unfortunately, ML had some grading to get back to, so they left before we ordered one, but not before some rando came by and spray-dyed my beard and S’s hair green.
The dude in the middle isn’t the guy that did the coloring; just another “victim.”
Not too long after, my officemate showed up; it was comforting to have someone there who had a decent grasp on the holiday!
The non-Americans left soon thereafter, but AL and I kept ourselves sufficiently “entertained.” His friend P was also meeting us! She don’t think she’s ever really celebrated St. Patrick’s Day either, but she joined AL and myself in our one and only Irish Car Bomb of the day. Kudos to her!
AL and I chatted the next day and confided that we were both a bit more pissed than we thought...
NR also came out to join us, but she didn’t arrive until after P was getting hungry. Although why she didn’t seem interested in bangers and mash, I have no idea. When AL and P left, P made sure to leave me with some chaperones, a group of ex-pats from several other countries who P had joined for a shot of Fireball. For some reason. P was terrified at the idea of leaving me alone at a bar in Beijing. As if anything could go wrong?! I was with my people!
Anyway, I chatted up a nice girl from Texas, mostly about teaching because what else do I talk about nowadays, and NR finally showed. The good sport that she is, she joined me for another beer, and then we left to find food elsewhere. The place was getting to be a bit to much; she had just arrived, my voice was on it’s way out, and her’s would have joined it not too long after.
As it turns out, there was a place just around the corner that specialized in Peking Duck, something that AL and I were both quite curious to try thanks to KFC’s interesting spin on it...
But again: my beard was green. And I wouldn’t say that I was loaded, but there were at least four rounds in my six-shooter, if you catch my meaning. And this restaurant was niiiiiiiiceeee!!! There were 4 different people who helped us before we got to our table: one took our reservation, another led us to the stairs, a third took us up the stairs, and a fourth led us the last 10 feet to our table.
In hindsight, I was worried that it was just the way-too-many-beers-prior-to-entering-this-establishment that made watching this guy slice the duck so fascinating, but NR mentioned the followed day that she found the experience just as captivating.
Also, I’ve never been one for bathroom selfies...but when (drunk) in Rome (and by Rome, I mean a restaurant that I have no business being in), you do as Romans do. (Fun fact: Roman’s invented selfies. #themoreyouknow #notfakenews #youhearditherefirst)
#romansdidntinventselfies #dontberidiculous #leavetheridiculousnesstomeandmygreenbeard
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Seriously. This dude was awesome. I wish we had more footage...Guess you’ll just have to go there for yourself!
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We also ordered several other dishes, all of which were amazing. Some shrimp, some part of a lamb, I think. All of it was good. Like everything else I’ve had in China!
All in all, the weekend was dope, the week after was less-so, and the coming weekends will be amazing. My students had their first exam this week, and on Tuesday I ordered an American cheeseburger and a Budweiser from a western-style restaurant just to see if it holds up out here. It was...so-so. Last night, I joined a couple friends for a drink at a bar called “Lush;” apparently it was open-mic night. One of the guys I was with was hoping for an environment more conducive to idle chit-chat amongst the group, so we ended up leaving after only one. I was displeased as I was having a great time. Guess I’ll just have to wander back out that way on my own sometime.
The plan for Sunday was to visit the Forbidden City, but I guess they ran out of tickets, so we’ll find something else to do. Will post after that. The weekend after is a Craft Beer festival that several of the faculty here will be visiting. I’m pumped.
OH! And I think I’ll be visiting Shanghai at the end of April! I didn’t know this, but apparently Shanghai was all grassland like 50 years ago! (This, according to one of the guys last night. Feel free to fact-check this.)
It’s going to be an interesting couple of weeks...
If only I could get my sleep schedule back on track. This whole “falling asleep at 4am and waking up at Noon” business is getting ridiculous. I blame my teaching schedule. #ishouldntcomplainbecauseimteachinginchina
Sláinte,
BeardyAllen
P.S. I’m super pumped for Shazam! And the End Game trailers are driving me up a wall...
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23 things on 'The Office' you've never noticed before
The Office is truly the show that keeps on giving.
Though the NBC comedy has been off the air since 2013, the discussion surrounding it is still very much alive. To this day, fans keep finding new, hilarious Easter eggs in the show.
The more than 750,000 diehards who come together on r/DunderMifflin to chat about the program are experts at pointing out the hidden details they pick up mid-rewatch.
We've compiled 23 of the best. Find out how well you really know your stuff.
SEE ALSO: The 65 absolute best moments from 'The Office'
1. David Wallace *also* has a world's best boss mug
If you thought Michael Scott was the sole best boss in the world, you're wrong! At least according to the desk mugs ...
Turns out David Wallace, chief financial officer of Dunder Mifflin, has a World's Best Boss mug on his desk, too. It's visible in the Season 2 episode, "Valentine's Day." It's black and has a more obnoxious font than Michael's. It's unclear whether David Wallace bought his own mug.
Will the real World's Best Boss please stand up? Oh look, it's Michael!
Image: the office/netflix
2. Michael uses his own brand of salad dressing
In the second episode of Season 4, Michael and Jan are chatting about ageism in his office while eating salads. Everything seems normal until you look closely: The salad dressing on the table is Michael Scott's own personal brand, "Great Scott."
Great Scott!
Image: the office/netflix
The jar is adorned with a homemade label featuring Michael's face and a bowl of salad. Thanks to a deleted scene from the previous episode, "Fun Run," we know all about it.
"What do I look like to you, Paul Newman? That's actually not a good example, because I have been compared to a young Paul Newman, my eyes and my face. And I make my own salad dressing," Michael says in the deleted scene, which starts around 4:10. "I mix Newman's Ranch with Newman's Italian. Sell it at flea markets for a slight loss. I could make ... I could make a profit if I changed one of the ingredients to Wishbone, but I won't do it."
3. That Dunder Mifflin Newsletter was trolling us
In Season 1, Episode 4, viewers get a glimpse of an old Dunder Mifflin Employee Newsletter. The Easter egg lies within the text.
In a classic move, the people writing the words didn't take the time to crank out a full article. Rather, they wrote a bit of sensical information followed by absolutely anything.
"A lot of useless information"
Image: the office/netflix
"Welcome to yet another exciting edition of the Dunder Mifflin Employee Newsletter," the article begins quite reasonably. But by the second paragraph, things get meta.
"As anybody can easily tell, this newsletter doesn't really have a lot to say. It's really just a prop to fill some space and sort of look like a newsletter without really being much of a newsletter at all ... In fact, at times we can probably get away with not using real English words, such as kjgavbiwiwpo..."
This isn't even the only time The Office writers did this. Now you know!
4. Jim signs Meredith's pelvis cast "John Krasinski"
Remember when Michael hit Meredith with his car and she had to get a cast on her pelvis? John Krasinski does! Because in Season 4, Episode 3, he signed it ... as himself, not his character Jim Halpert! Whoops.
Hmm ...
Image: the office/netflix
5. Stanley's resolution was, um, telling
In "Gossip," the first episode of Season 6, Dunder Mifflin Scranton learns Stanley's been cheating on his wife, Teri, with some woman named Cynthia. In Season 7, Episode 13, it's crystal clear that hasn't changed. Stanley's resolution card literally says, "To be a better husband and boyfriend." Boy, have you lost your damn mind?
To be fair, everyone's resolutions are a lot.
Image: the office/netflix
6. Oscar's drinkin' prop wine
Oscar was so excited to drink the wine in Season 8, Episode 12, no one realized the prop label was still on the bottom of the bottle. If you pause the episode you can clearly see a piece of tape with the word "Oscar" on that bottle of, um, Chateau Galmon?
"I am Bacchus, God of wine!"
Image: the office/netflix
7. Michael keeps his broken plasma on the wall for a while
Michael and Jan broke up after all hell broke lose in the Season 4 episode, "Dinner Party," but he held onto a key reminder of his ex well into Season 5.
In "Dream Team," Pam visits Michael's place to start the Michael Scott Paper Company, and his pride and joy — the mini plasma TV Jan shattered by throwing a Dundie Award at it — is still mounted on the wall. The most hilarious part of the situation? Michael clearly got a new television, which he placed directly under the broken flatscreen, neglecting to trash the old one.
Could it be he wasn't ready to let go — or that Jan mounted it on the wall and he had no idea how to take it down? We may never know.
Two TVs ...
Image: the office/netflix
8. He then attempts to sell the broken plasma
Finally, in "Garage Sale," Episode 19, of Season 7, Michael is finally ready to part with his tiny broken plasma. But rather than throw it out, he attempts to SELL IT at the warehouse garage sale. Come on, dude.
Nope.
Image: the office/netflix
9. Return of the clown art
Speaking of that warehouse garage sale, another familiar object was for being sold: That creepy clown painting that used to be stuck to the walls of Jim and Pam's house (aka, Jim's parent's old house). Wonder how they finally got it off the wall ...
No one will buy that clown painting.
Image: the office/netflix
10. Bob Vance was possibly a marketing genius
Any fan of The Office knows that Phyllis' husband, Bob Vance (of Vance Refrigeration), loves to plug his business whenever he gets the chance.
But one theory considers the idea that Bob Vance wasn't simply trying to market Vance Refrigeration to Dunder Mifflin employees — instead, perhaps he was constantly repeating his company name for the cameras filming the Dunder Mifflin documentary in hopes that if the footage ever aired it'd be free advertising. Genius.
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11. Michael ate tiramisu from the trash
This one's kind of a long story, but in Season 5, Episode 10, Jim gives Pam a piece of tiramisu as a peace offering after going out to lunch with Michael.
Pam rejects the offering and throws the tiramisu away, but in a later scene we see Michael eating a piece of tiramisu at his desk. Though some speculate Michael also brought tiramisu back from the restaurant, he's seen walking into the office alongside from Jim empty-handed and even claps at a joke.
Michael later takes a shot at Pam, scolding her for throwing away "perfectly good tiramisu" just because it has a hair on it, so all signs point to him digging Pam's dessert out of the trash.
12. This extremely deep paper clip find
In Season 5, Episode 1, Michael introduces Pam to the office's replacement receptionist, Ronnie, via video chat, explaining that Ronnie is unable to find "those little colored paper clips" he likes so much.
Somehow, an Easter egg mastermind discovered that Jim and Pam's license plate, CHD-0032, is the model number for those clips Michael likes. (If you Google the plate number, they come up.)
13. Jim's title in Stamford was "Assistant Regional Manager"
Dwight spent season after season begging for the title "Assistant Regional Manager" instead of "Assistant to the Regional Manager," and all Jim had to do to get it was transfer to the Stamford branch. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
In Season 3, Episode 6, Jim falls asleep at his desk, and we get a peek at that nameplate, baby!
The real deal
Image: the office/netflix
14. Creed's fake name is the actor's real name
In Season 4, Episode 4, Creed Bratton — the character on The Office played by actor Creed Bratton — explained that whenever he gets into financial trouble, he transfers his debt to a man named "William Charles Schneider." Turns out William Charles Schneider is actor Creed's real name, and there's a good chance that's his real passport.
15. Michael's wallet looks like a '90s DIY project
Does Michael Gary Scott carry around a bedazzled wallet? That's absolutely what it looks like...
16. Jim wears a wig in Season 3
John Krasinski's received some feedback on Jim's floppy hair over the years, but if things looked a little off in Season 3, it wasn't his fault.
Krasinski had to cut his hair short for his role in the film Leatherheads, which gave him no choice but to wear a wig during the last six episodes of The Office's third season. Krasinski further explains his hair challenges in this interview starting at around 2:15.
Wig Tuna
Image: the office/netflix
17. St. Patrick's Day celebrations were lit
Season 6, Episode 19 is dedicated to St. Patrick's Day, and the office really goes all out. For example, did you notice Michael has an Italian flag on his desk instead of an Irish one, or that they dyed the water in the community water cooler green? LOL.
The closest the Irish get to Christmas
Image: the office/netflix
Image: the office/netflix
18. Andy's Call of Duty username is extremely Andy
Viewers get a glimpse of Andy playing Call of Duty in Season 3, Episode 5 of the show. If you look closely you'll see his username is a very fitting "Here Comes Treble" — named after his college a cappella group, who we later hear about in the Season 9 episode, "Here Comes Treble."
Image: the office/netflix
19. Creed possibly has a mugshot hanging at his desk
Does Creed casually have his mugshot hanging above his desk? Honestly, we wouldn't put it past him.
20. Jim's last name is misspelled on his wedding sign
Congrats to Pam Beesly and Jim HalpRET on their wedding. Was this a typo or an intentional joke? We can't keep track anymore.
Hmm...
Image: the office/netflix
21. Wait, who is that?
You know when TV shows like actors so much they bring them back to play other roles in the future? How about when they replace a character with a different actor and expect viewers not to notice or to be totally fine with it? The Office is guilty of doing both of those things.
Image: the office/netflix
Dwight's nephew in the show's final season was also an extra in Season 7's "WUPHF.com" episode. Elizabeth, the stripper hired throughout the course of the show, appeared in the "Ben Franklin," "Fun Run," and "Finale" episodes, yet not everyone seemed to remember her. Andy's parents and Pam's mom were recast throughout the series. And Dwight hired Devon, the employee Michael fired in Season 2, back in the finale.
22. John Krasinski shot the opening Scranton footage
This one's less of a "did you notice?" and more of a "did you know?" but John Krasinski, the man you know and love as Jim Halpert, is semi-responsible for the iconic Office intro. According to TV Guide, Krasinski shot scenes from the opening credits sequence while on a research trip.
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23. There's a nod to the UK version of the show
What would the U.S. version of The Office be without a reference to the UK version of the series?
The address of Dunder Mifflin's Scranton office is 1725 Slough Avenue, Scranton, PA, which is special because there's a town in the UK called Slough, where the UK version of the show just so happens to take place.
Image: screengrab/google maps
And that's not all. When you search in the Scranton branch's address in Google maps it shows Pennsylvania Paper & Supply Company, the building that's featured in the intro footage, and Poor Richards Pub, the Dunder Mifflin employees' go-to place for Happy Hour.
So there you have it, fans. The writers, cast members, and show runners of your favorite comedy were even more clever than you realized. Now it's time to re-watch the show and see if you can spot any other hidden treasures.
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