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illyrianbitch · 2 months

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One Summer— Part Three

Pairing: Reader x Azriel

Summary: One beach house. One festival. One summer to fall in love.

Warnings: alcohol use, mention of drugs, mentions of scars (azs hands), slight Tamlin slander (lighthearted tbh), reader being observant, az being… well az :)

Word Count: 4.7k

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✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹

Introduction to Philosophy was taught by professor Jeff Davids.

It was one of the smaller classes you’d taken in freshman year. Though many people took it to fulfill a General Education requirement, it was more significant for you. It marked the beginning of your Philosophy major and a longstanding obsession with the ideas of ancient thinkers.

It was the same for Morrigan and Feyre, both of whom you met in Professor Davids’ class. Like you, they were Pre-Law students. And while you’d sat with Feyre on the first day out of pure chance, you were sure that it was fate that pulled you both into an assigned group with Mor— and Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel. The three boys had chosen Intro to Philosophy because it had enough seats for all of them.

There were many things you remembered about your Intro to Philosophy class. Professor Davids was a rockclimber, the Allegory of the Cave was one of the most well-known philosophical concepts, Cassian always came ten minutes late, and Mor’s first major presentation was an in depth and perfectly executed criticism of Plato’s The Republic. You remembered it clearly. She argued against the idea of Plato being classified as the ‘first feminist’. Even if you hadn’t already shared Mor’s belief that Plato fell short of feminist ideals, her presentation would have won you over. Just two months into your friendship, Mor had already made a lasting impression. You remembered her eloquence, the way she commanded the room—a woman of honor and dignity.

It was strange, in an endlessly entertaining way, to see the same woman before you now down on one knee, chugging the last of her drink in the Summit Pulse parking lot.

She let out a belch as she stood and Cassian responded with an approving whistle, giving her a sloppy high five. “Fuck,” she said, gingerly dabbing at her smeared lipstick. “Can someone pass me my bag?”

Summit Pulse had officially begun twenty-five minutes ago, at 11:30 AM. You’d arrived at 11, found two open parking spots, and began your small, almost humble, tailgate— consisting of various seltzers, shooters, and beers for the boys.

You’d driven in two cars: Feyre and Rhys in one, and Az, you, Mor, and Cassian in the other. It was more economical to get two parking passes for the three days, so the boys had devised a plan. The idea was simple: whoever wasn’t driving in the morning would get heavily intoxicated right from the start, making full use of the tailgating privileges. Since the sets ended around 10 PM, by the end of the night one of them would be sober enough to drive. For today, Az was the designated driver, while Cassian would take over for the ride home.

Rhysand’s plan was far simpler. He would only drink modestly throughout the day— but no matter what, he was driving home. This was for two reasons. First, no one but him was allowed to drive his car anyway, and second, he didn’t want Feyre to be worried about her ride home.

When you’d asked the boys why they hadn’t included you, Feyre, or Mor into the shifts, they had shrugged and adamantly opposed. According to them, it was their job to take care of you, to let you have fun at a festival knowing you’d have three eyes watching over you. Not to mention that they knew their alcohol tolerances better than you three.

Rhys, with a sly smile, had also pointed out that your edibles made predicting sobriety a bit unreliable.

He was right, of course, so you didn’t argue— even if you hadn’t brought them today.

You handed Mor her bag. Her nimble, ring-clad fingers dug through it as you grabbed your phone, offering the camera screen to her as a makeshift mirror. She sung out a small thank you in response.

It was already hot out, a fact you’d prepared for but nonetheless hated, and the seltzers in your stomach gurgled in the heat. It suddenly crossed your mind that you should’ve had a heavier breakfast. But the morning had been chaotic, so you were now forced to rely on the festival food— food that was bound to cost three times as much as it would outside of festival grounds.

Two voices joined the sounds behind you and you cranked your head in time to watch Feyre bound over, a bounce in her step. She wore simple shorts and a flowy, linen tank that swayed with her movements. The look of it seemed to perfectly pair with the outfit Rhysand wore— white linen shorts and a short-sleeved button up, a few more buttons undone than necessary, of course. An image flashed into your mind of a very probable future: Feyre and Rhys married in this very city, white linens and salt-air breezes at their reception.

Cassian and Azriel would fight for best man, of course, and when they were both asked, they’d fight about which was number one and which was number two. Feyre’s maid of honor would be a much more nuanced choice, balanced between her two sisters and you and Mor.

At least, if you and Feyre were still friends by then.

You pushed the thought away— a silly, irrational, and anxious thought. They appeared a lot, especially when you weren’t as busy as you’d conditioned yourself to be these past few semesters. It was strange how those thoughts manifested when you were at your happiest. But there was no room for those this summer. You’d told yourself this over and over. One summer to just live, you repeated in your mind, one summer to exist.

Feyre wrapped her arms around your shoulder, tight enough to give you a welcome squeeze but tender and careful so as to not disrupt your mirror duties.

“You smell good,” you told her as the sweet smell of pear reached your nostrils. She met your eyes from the side as you grinned. “Look even better too.”

A small blush painted her cheeks and Feyre smiled. “You think?”

You nodded and Mor ran a gentle nail around her lips, picking up the excess red gloss with her nails. You watched as she struck a pose.

“And how do I look?”

There was a mischievous glint in her eyes that seemed to intensify by the second. Her excitement grew as the drink she chugged began making its way through her system.

“Good enough to get free drinks.”

You felt Feyre nod in agreement against your shoulder.

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹

Summit Pulse had been going strong for hours and you were riding the high of it all. The sun was still glazing in the sky, your ears were still ringing, and the crowd's anticipation for the next set was almost tangible despite it not starting for another hour.

You guys had staked out a great spot near the front, close enough to give you a full view of the stage. Sadly, you hadn’t come early enough to get barricade, but you were more than content with the place you held in the growing crowd. Az and Cass had ventured off some time ago to grab more drinks and a small, worrying voice in the back of your mind began to worry that the two boys would struggle to rejoin the group.

You tried to pay it no mind, focusing on the game of Heads Up you were playing with Feyre and Mor. Feyre held her phone to her forehead and prompted the next word to come.

SPRING.

You and Mor exchanged a conspiratorial glance, gently pushing one another to create a space between your two bodies. A mirrored grin grew on your faces— ones with such childish glee and mischief that Feyre immediately picked up on the shared thought.

Her eyes widened as she shook her head. She dropped her hands to her side. "No," she whined, "Please don't."

You frowned in feign confusion, bringing a hand to cup your ear. "What?" you exclaimed, "I can't hear you." You looked back at Mor, watching as the face she formed mimicked yours. "Do you hear anything?"

Rhys fought to suppress a grin, wrapping his arms tighter around Feyre as she let out another helpless groan. He gave her a kiss to the temple as he leaned in further, eyes bouncing between you and Morrigan.

"I-" Mor stopped, bringing a hand to her chest as she exaggeratedly examined her surroundings. "I think it sounds like….like…"

Rhysand leaned into Feyre's ear. "Like Spring?"

"Oh god," Feyre whined. The sound fell on deaf ears. "Kill me."

Tamlin Spring was Feyre's boyfriend in freshman year, a first love so smitten with her that it bordered on slightly creepy— teetering across that fine line of obsession and adoration. You found Tamlin tolerable in small portions, but the others hated him with a passion. In truth, they hated a lot of people, your ex boyfriend included, and you just chalked that up to the reality of growing up in the same small city with the same people. You thanked eighteen-year old you everyday for choosing to attend college in a different state.

"Spring, you say?" you chimed in. Mor mimicked the motion of drawing a bow across a fiddle. She gave you a look and without missing a beat, you launched into a memorized dance, feet bouncing in an exaggerated jig while your hands moved as if playing invisible fiddles.

This abomination of a dance was one you and Mor had created one random drunken night—- a way to commemorate the infamous serenade Feyre had received from Tamlin post-breakup. At the beginning of their relationship, Tamlin's musical talent was impressive, even charming. But when he pulled out his fiddle and played what was meant to be a heartfelt apology, it left Feyre cringing and you unable to defend him anymore. Thus, the iconic dance was born.

For what it counted, the tradition to embarrass Feyre with your performance of it lasted longer than their relationship ever did.

Feyre's face was three shades redder by time you found yourselves unable to continue the dance any longer. She leaned her head back against Rhysand's chest as he laughed and hugged her tighter, apologizing for his own musical incapabilities. She tucked her phone tightly away in her pocket, muttering some off handed comment that she was never playing ever again.

You were still giggling and catching your breath as Azriel and Cassian returned, slowly making their way through the crowd— each holding a fresh, cold can of beer. Azriel's face was neutral as always, but a glint of amusement sparkled in his eyes as they met yours. Cassian, on the other hand, wore his usual broad grin. He murmured polite, flirty pleasantries to every pretty woman they brushed past.

"Damn," Cass said, filling in the space Mor had saved for him by proxy of a strange, wide-legged stance. You’d done the same for Az. "Did I miss you hitting the Tamlin?"

You and Mor let out another shared round of giggles and Feyre groaned into the sky once more. Cassian turned to Rhys with a grin.

"Do you two have no shame?" Az said, settling into the space between you and Feyre. He took notice of Mor's lingering gaze on his drink and offered his can to her eager hands.

You shook your head, a grin plastered on your face as Mor brought the drink to her lips. The two of you made eye contact, and maybe it was the buzz of the drinks you’d already had, the tiny high making everything funnier, but you couldn’t hold back a laugh. Mor followed suit, the sound coming out of her in a wet snort as Azriel's drink sprayed everywhere.

Once you both finally calmed down, Mor pushed Azriel's drink back to him with an extended hand, batting her eyelashes as she met his gaze. "Thanks, Az. I needed that."

"I'm good. That's all yours now." Azriel pushed the can back to Mor with a single finger, a look of playful disdain on his face. His eyes, however, shone with amusement—enough to show that he wasn't really angry, not even disgusted, despite his expression. "I'll get a new one later. Preferably with less spit."

Mor offered him a sheepish smile. "My bad."

She offered the can to you next. You narrowed your eyes at it for a moment, then shrugged with a resigned smile and raised it to your lips. You felt Azriel's gaze on you, noticing the amused, skeptical eyebrow he raised. You waited for him to say something, to speak in that low tone he often preferred in public, but he only shook his head, chuckling softly.

His eyes lit up a few seconds later.

"Wait a second,” he said.

Azriel's gaze flicked to Cassian, and without a word, he started patting him down. Cassian angled his head to the side, brows furrowed as Az’s hands wandered around his form. “Dude,” he said, “What's with the hands?”

Azriel didn’t respond, continuing his search with focused intent. He wrapped a palm around Cassian’s exposed biceps to face him further, finally reaching the fanny pack strapped to his broad chest.

“Got it,” Az declared. When he pulled away, you caught sight of the device in his hand. Cassian paused for a moment, and you could see an out-of-pocket response on the tip of his tongue, but he simply shrugged and rejoined the conversation he had left with Feyre and Rhys.

His camera was held securely in his hands as Azriel turned back to you and Mor. Your eyes drifted down to the way his palm held it. It looked so natural there, a perfect fit, and the glow of inspiration in his eyes sent a flutter through your body. You hadn’t realized that he had brought it— hadn’t seen when Cassian went through security with his bag.

Az lifted the camera in a silent invitation and Mor let out an excited squeal, wrapping an arm around your shoulders to pull you in close. You smiled and your focus fell on Azriel. He held his camera with a careful, precise grip, ensuring you were perfectly in frame. With every movement he made, either a height adjustment or a turn of the camera, he sent a quick glance to his surroundings, quietly making sure that he refrained from accidentally bumping the people around him.

It was sweet how he managed to remain respectful in such a large crowd, how he cared enough to be aware of such things. The thought burrowed itself deeper into the area of your mind that had gained a heavy label this past week: Longings for Azriel, as you called it. An embarrassingly fitting title.

He took the picture with a satisfied smile and lowered his camera, the sunlight casting a warm, almost golden glow over his features. For a moment, your mouth felt dry at the sight of him. The harsh sun you’d been cursing for hours now seemed to soften, bathing his eyes in a molten blend of brown, gold, and green. Azriel had been in his element all of today. You saw it clearly— the ease in which he spoke with all of you, the way his eyes gleamed and the smile on his lips persisted. Every set you’d watched had been enjoyed through two ways: dancing with Mor, Feyre and Cassian, or admiring Az as he listened. Your grip tightened around the can you still held.

Mor leaned in to view the image on the camera’s screen and your surroundings poured into your consciousness once more, the loud sound of the crowd rising in level. You closed the gap Az had created when he stepped back and, in a moment of self-indulgence, brushed lightly against him to view the picture.

“This is so cute. I love it,” Mor fawned. She placed a hand on Az’s forearm and gave him a sweet smile. “This is such a great photo, Az.”

Azriel angled the screen towards you. You didn’t doubt her words, but Mor was indeed right. It was a great photo. You could see it all perfectly: the bustling crowd, the stage, the speakers in the background, and you and Mor glowing with happiness. It stirred something emotional within you, a perfect memory you could imagine showing future children to prove that their parent was once cool.

You looked up at him. “This is perfect.”

He smiled, almost timidly. “Yeah?”

“I guess you're back on track?”

Recognition sparked in his eyes. “I think I just found my mu—”

Just then, the crowd moved like a restless sea and a body pushed into you. You stumbled slightly and Azriel's hand instinctively reached out to steady you, his touch warm and firm against the exposed skin between your shirt and pants. A shiver ran through you at the contact.

You turned to look at the person. He looked to be around your age, if not a few years older, with green eyes and a strange mullet that almost gave him bangs. Mor glared at him, but it was Azriel who spoke.

“Watch it,” he growled.

“My bad man,” Mullet slurred, eyes shifting between you and Azriel. “Didn’t see you.”

Azriel’s glare followed him until his figure melted back into the crowd, muttering under his breath, “Cut that mop you call hair and maybe you’d see better.”

You suppress a laugh at Azriel’s irritation, a huge amused grin spreading across your face. You’d forgotten how protective Az could be, even if it wasn’t strictly necessary. His readiness to jump to the defense of those he cared about was endearing at its core, so you swallowed the small urge to make fun of his response.

Instead, it was Mor who broke the tension, her voice laced with mockery. “Damn, Az.” She raised an eyebrow and a small smirk grew on her lips. “If looks could kill, you’d be a serial killer.”

Az rolled his eyes but there was a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips, betraying his true amusement despite his feigned annoyance.

You handed Mor the canned drink back and clapped your hands together. “Alright. I need my own drink, so I’ll be back.”

Az handed Cassian the camera and turned to you. “I’ll go with you.”

You shook your head. “No, its okay. You just got back.”

Az gestured to the drink Mor had swiped. “I could use another, too.” He looked around. “And I think you might need some help getting back.”

You scanned the crowd, noting how it thickened with every passing second. Having Azriel to help navigate through would be a relief. And the prospect of some alone time with him was just as appealing.

“Okay,” you smiled. “Thank you.”

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹

The line for drinks was manageable, with only about seven people ahead of you. The festival buzzed around you, the air thick with the scent of food and the distant hum of music from other stages.

Azriel stood next to you, head slowly scanning his surroundings, silver dagger earring glistening in the sun. Your eyes lingered on the slight curve of his lips, at the way a sense of ease hung from his resting features.

“You know, I knew you’d enjoy this,” you found yourself saying, voice carrying over the ambient noise. “The live music and all. But part of me is surprised.”

He looked at you, one eyebrow raised. “Why’s that?”

”I thought you weren’t a large gathering type of person.”

You held many memories of Azriel from over the years. The memories from the past two years were few and far between, but the ones from freshman year—- those you held in abundance. Azriel’s quietness was something you noticed before you knew him. He was content to watch, content to observe. It was why photography seemed so fitting for him, a hobby for someone who liked to collect moments, to enjoy them from a watcher's vantage point rather than that of a main actor.

Azriel chuckled softly. Despite the festival’s noise, you heard it in perfect clarity.

“I’m not. But that’s for gatherings where I’m expected to constantly engage. This is different. Everyone here is doing their own thing, no one is paying attention to me. I can just disappear into the crowd.”

You let the words settle and studied him more intently. It occurred to you how unrealistic his words felt to you, how silly it was to think that people’s eyes didn’t naturally gravitate towards him. And you thought that it was a bit silly too, then, that your eyes did.

You and Azriel were friends, maybe even in the lightest of terms. Friends that could’ve been more, could’ve had a deeper connection, platonically, had it not been for choices you made. And yet, your eyes always found him. All of this morning, all of this past week. Your gaze found him time and time again, like a magnet calling to you.

You shook your head and a small laugh left your lips. An amused, timid sound. Azriel nudged your shoulder.

”What? He asked, but you only shook your head again, letting the smile linger on your lips. “What is it?” Azriel asked again.

You met his gaze then, that surveying, intense gaze, and shrugged. “It’s just, you could never disappear into a crowd, Az.”

His brows furrowed and you held his gaze, watching as a flicker of confusion crossed his face—- or perhaps it was curiosity, instead. You felt a flutter of something deep and tender inside of you. You swallowed.

“At least not for me.”

The line moved forward and you sent a silent thank you to the sky, stepping ahead. Azriel lingered behind for a moment, eyes still trained on you. His brows were still slightly furrowed, but a smile tugged at his lips—-something tender, like your words touched him in a way he hadn’t expected.

You ordered your drink, offering a grateful smile to the girl behind the table, and stood to the side as Azriel stepped up to order. The girl’s demeanor changed almost immediately—- cheeks flushed slightly, a new timid smile playing on her lips as she drank in the sight of him. You resisted the urge to laugh at it, a desire born out of total understanding rather than mockery.

Azriel was a stunning kind of attractive, a cold type of handsome that made you shiver if you stared too long. And the girl, she was pretty too, you thought, in an angelic sort of way. Blonde hair like Mor, blue eyes like Feyre. It dawned on you that you might look at Azriel the same way, with the same childish awe and longing admiration. The thought made you blush in embarrassment and you took a sip of your drink.

Azriel seemed oblivious to the effect he was having, focused solely on the screen before him and paying for his drink. She turned around to face him, drink in hand, and leaned forward to offer it.

And then her eyes fell to his hands. She let out a small breath, a sound that seemed to surprise even her, and her eyes widened in response. Az’s drink was placed on the counter much harsher than she likely intended.

As strange as it sounded, sometimes you forgot about Azriel's hands— forgot that they weren't what were considered normal to the causal observer. You didn't know if this was a good thing, if it was something Azriel preferred or had no opinion on.

Like most people, you'd noticed them when you first met him. Azriel was a quiet observer, a motionless one at times. But in class, when you caught yourself staring at him more often than you'd ever admit, you'd catch sight of the way he'd anxiously crack his fingers with the pad of his thumb. It would bring your attention right back to his hands, to the ridges on his skin.

The scars that marred his hands were extreme, yes, and a certain sadness flowed through you when you looked at them long enough— when you thought about what pain he must've endured— but they were also beautiful. Something so entirely unique; unique enough to where you knew it was him whenever he touched you.

But as hauntingly beautiful as his hands were, eventually they simply became a part of him, something as mundane and expected as his right earlobe or the freckle on his cheek— the one that disappeared into his dimple when he smiled hard enough.

The girl tried her best to catch herself, quickly pushing forward Azriel's canned drink on the surface and giving him a timid, almost apologetic smile. But it was too late. You saw the switch clear as day, watched as something dark ran through Azriel's face— something parallel to childhood fear, to deep-seated embarrassment, to heated resentment, all in one. He pressed a button when prompted for a tip, his gaze steady on his finger as it moved across the screen.

You cleared your throat, leaning forward to grab his drink in your free hand and motioning him away from the growing line. Az seemed to snap out of the daze he'd fallen into, meeting your hurried motions with a furrowed brow. You nodded towards the crowd.

"C'mon," you said, offering the can to him. "We gotta head back."

The whine in your voice did its intended job, concealing your actions as ones driven out of an impatience to return rather than a desire to protect him. It wasn't that you thought it would bother him if he realized what you were trying to do, no, but you didn't want him to read it as something rooted in pity. You didn't want him to fall further back into his head than he already had.

When he didn't reply, you pushed his drink further towards him with an impatient hum. He raised a singular eyebrow for a fleeting second, the corners of his lips twitching upwards as he took the cold drink from you, fingers brushing against yours. Nothing flashed in his face at the contact— there was no twitch, no flicker of something darker in his features.

"They're not going on for another forty five minutes," he finally said.

You sighed, a dramatic and weariful sigh, and the curve of his lips blossomed into a smile.

"Az,” you began, “Some of the best moments are going to be found in that crowd while waiting."

For the second time, you beckoned towards the crowd. You ignored the flutter in your chest as you leaned forward to grab his hand, tugging him along behind you— ignored the tightening in your chest as Azriel held onto you tighter.

You made your way back through the dense crowd, struggling to move until you finally reached your friends. Feyre and Rhys were the first to spot you, offering a cheer of greeting as you and Az squeezed into the spaces they’d saved for you. Mor’s eyes traveled to Azriel, scanning his face quickly.

“Whats wro-“

You widened your eyes in warning, giving a small, subtle shake of your head that only she could pick up on. Mor mouthed a clarifying question and in response you brought your hand to the one that wrapped around the cold can of your drink, gently brushing your palm against the knuckles.

Her eyes widened in understanding and a small frown found her lips. She wiped it off within seconds, any trace of it perfectly concealed as she grabbed Azriel's attention with a large smile.

"Aren't you so excited? I'm so excited."

Azriel nodded, but his expression remained a bit guarded. Your stomach twisted and Mor shot you a worried glance. You looked at Az, nudging his arm with your shoulder, and his gaze dropped to you.

”Cheers?” You said, lifting your drink in invitation. “For good luck.”

Azriel’s face softened and the remaining edge washed away. His eyes glimmered as he lifted his drink.

“Cheers,” he replied, clinking his can against yours.

Thirty five minutes later, the crowd came to life as the band walked on stage.

They played for a total of forty-eight minutes.

Your eyes were on Az for around twenty-seven of them.

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹

authors note: they notice each other 🥺🥺 they pay attention to each other 🥹🥹 god this makes me miss having a crush— noticing every small thing, those BUTTERFLIES!!! i love them your honor

permanent tag list 🫶🏻:

@rhysandorian @itsswritten @milswrites @lilah-asteria @georgiadixon

@glam-targaryen @cheneyq @darkbloodsly @pit-and-the-pen @azrielsbbg

@evergreenlark @marina468 @azriels-human @panther-girl-124 @bubybubsters

@starswholistenanddreamsanswered @feyretopia @ninthcircleofprythian @velariscalling @azrielrot

@justyouraveragekleemain @marigold-morelli @mrsjna @anarchiii @alittlelostalittlefound-blog

@melissat1254

@m4tthewmurd0ck @beardburnsupersoldiers @isnotwhatyourethinking @tothestarsandwhateverend

thank you for reading 🫶🏻🫶🏻

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idiotwithanipad · 6 months

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So the Plague Ghosts and Robin?... They know NOW that it was Mick who accidentally brought the plague back to their village, but did they always think that? Is that the reason they remained in the basement of Button House? Because they feared Robin?

(Nah probably not, but here's a small one off thing I just wrote😂 got me thinking (which is deadly), the plague victims would be on the brink of death for weeks, so maybe they could catch glimpses of Robin during their final moments alive?)

(Trigger warning: Pus, Blood, Sickness, Death, Robin slander)

"It came back again last night..."

Maude rasped, her thrashed throat throbbing and oozing pus and blood. Jeff and Agnes sat idly at her bedside, cuffs covering their noses and mouths in a vein attempt to keep the unclean sickness away.

"What do you mean, 'it came back'? What 'came back'?" Agnes pried, the dim candlelit room creating eerily dancing shadows across the rocky walls, that, along with her friend's waxy, boil splattered face filled Agnes with a feeling of sickening unease.

"The figure. The one what brought with it the plague. It came back last night". Maude sounded more assertive in herself now, trying her best to raise her head from the straw pillow underneath her and raise a weak arm to point between Agnes and Jeff towards the door.

Their eyes followed her finger, landing on the low and crooked doorway which had been left open, revealing the blackness of the night beyond. Jeff and Magnes glanced at each other, unnearved yet sympathetic looks. Jeff's focus was quickly shifted back to Maude when she let loose with a thunderous cough, bringing up bile with it this time.

"It was here... I swear it!"

Almost shaking with dread, Agnes set her chattering jaw and leaned in closer to her dying friend.

"What figure? What did it look like? What did it do?!"

"Yeah, did it speak, did it tell you that it brought the plague 'ere?" Jeff chimed in.

"No. It moved through the door an' crouched down. It never once took it's eyes off me. It looked like a-...the face was-...it had uneven pelts slung over itself and it was as silent as the night... ". Agnes and Jeff could tell by the way that Maude's eyes flicked back towards the door and began to swell with tears that she was telling the truth.

Agnes pried some more, placing her hand atop Maude's wrist. Her voice temporarily filling with impatience.

"What did it's face look like?..."

Maude's tears finally slipped as she gazed up at Agnes, her spare hand quivering and coming to rest over Agnes's.

"Human, yet-...mishapen. Bulbous. Like a bulgin' tree root that's been stripped of all its bark. Sunken in eyes, covered in hair, mouth full of horrible teeth-". Maude's description of the figure came to an abrupt end, when she descended into another fit of whipping coughs and wretches.

Agnes wrenched her hand away and reeled back, Jeff took a small step back and placed his hands over Agnes's shoulders to steady her.

"Did it..do anythin' else?". Jeff intercepted.

Maude turned her head onto it's side, facing Jeff, spittle and blooded phlegm dripping from her lower lip and onto the uneven pillow.

"After a while-...it got up, and came to my bed. It kept it's eyes on me, never once did it blink. It just stared. It always stares. It moved it's head from side to side, real slowly, like when you try to focus on somethin' up close... "

Agnes and Jeff fell silent and awestruck, Jeff subconsciously shifting closer to Agnes each passing second, feeling more and more vulnerable with his back exposed to the still wide open door, or whatever watched from the outside.

"Then what?..." Agnes whimpered, trying to suppress the fear in her tight throat.

"I don' know". Maude wheezed.

"I looked at it for so long that the mere appearance of it turned me faint. Next thing I know, I'm wakin' up to the rooster crowin' outside and the sun up. I looked about the room but the figure was gone"

Maude's head dropped deeper into the pillow, her jaw falling slack and her eyelids begining to droop. Agnes and Jeff's eyes remained fixed on her, too stunned and fearful to ask her any more questions about this unholy creature, the creature that showed itself to Maude almost every night since she caught the plague, and the same creature that stood and the foot of the bed. Unseen. Unheard.

It's sunken eyes flicked and twitched as it stared at Maude's body slipping into slumber again. It leaned forward slightly and took a sniff of the air, the foul and diseased air that it would never breathe again.

She die soon. They all die soon. Can see it all around. One die, then another die... Until all gone.

#bbc ghosts #robin the caveman #larry rickard #the plague ghosts #martha howe douglas #lolly adefope #simon farnaby

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jeffchats · 6 months

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April 1, 2024 Live Recap.

He was late because he is a boomer and can't figure out how to use CrowdCast after having a Patreon for so long.

They did mushrooms at the Sphere.

They were suppose to go to Disney with Tana but she cancelled and Makoa had to do some work thing.

They're driving back together and checking out at 4PM. Tana refuses to drive back with them and prefers to fly.

Patreon will continue for the rest of the month and they are going to switch to YouTube subscription.

He woke up this morning and said to Verica "I really like you...now."

Tana said she loves her and it would be cute to double date.

He says he's 34 years old and too old for April Fools joke.

Tana and Jeff suggest criminal activities.

He talks about the Mike and Ryan situation and claims he didn't know Ryan was going to go that far. He thought the OD joke about the his dog was funny. Tana thought the flipping of the table was funny.

They're going to address the next podcast episode about him crying about Nerf.

Verica pops in and reads comments of people praising Australia. "It's bad cause now I'm going to have to fucking Australia or something. Shit got real this trip, we did a four hour road trip together." Jeff rambles about having a choice to undersubscribe or slander him on Reddit but not Verica. "Not everyone wanted this life or center of attention and some people want live a normal life...maybe that's what I want...no...we are both going to have to adapt and I'm not giving this up and she's shy." He talks about how he use to be shy when he was younger and presenting projects. Because of this he decided to be a drug dealer.

Talks about how he's more humble than anybody on the internet.

Talks about Hasaan and how he likes him.

Talks about gambling with Bryce.

Tana asks how much longer and Jeff says 20 minutes and she says really.

Filmed Verica reaction to the Sphere. Ticket was $200 a ticket and says it's the coolest shit in the world. He separates the world into two different sections - those who have witnessed the Sphere and those who have not. It made him proud of humanity.

Tana orders a $7.58 coffee to Jeff's room.

"Fucking incredible, yesterday was the best day of his life." about how things are going with Verica.

Apparently he is not going to Coachella and that he's a changed man. Tana said she loves it. Jeff says no more ship baiting with Tana. Tana says Verica is so hot.

Jeff says Cody likes Verica and is miserable cause he needs to find a new place to live now.

Tana loves Cody more than she ever has.

They talk about Cody and how he does chores and takes out the trash. Tana says she will never house Cody cause she has a gays and gals household. Jeff says he is too institutionalized.

Tana paid Brooke 25 bands of cash for her to be in a bunk or something and Tana got the bigger bed.

Tana won big gambling the night before.

The chat praises Tana for her talent.

Jeff talks about how he wants to miserable like he usually is but today is not the day for that.

Talks about Keemstar and his April Fools prank about him dying.

Tana leaves the live 20 minutes before the hour is up since she needs to go fly back. Jeff and Verica are driving back in a Prius.

Someone asks who Amarah is and he says she runs the YSL Wittek page and she likes to bust Jeff's balls.

He talks about Cody Ko and him coming back to training. He says he's a nice guy. Jeff talks about how everything is a rivalry to him. He talks about how training for the IronMan is too much and you have to be jobless to do that and he doesn't have time to do it. Jeff says he is happy with his 3:28 marathon time. He said it even made him depressed because he far extended his expectations and he doesn't know what to do with himself. He got the post race blues.

Compares himself to UFC Fighters like Tyson Fury and if he should go back and train for a better time.

Talks about moving to New York cause Casey hit him up to run.

Debrief of Vegas - "what is there to debrief?" They went to Sphere on mushrooms and gambled with Bryce Hall. Says we can't relate cause we haven't gone to the Sphere.

Talks about how he doesn't do alcohol or hardcore drugs but takes ambient for sleep, once a year he'll do mushroom, and weed. Shows gray view from his hotel room and says "If I was a crackhead would I be able to have this view?"

Talks about how Steven is working for Sunday company and if he will come back. Jeff says he just needed a job and he doesn't know if he'll come back but wishes him he best. Jeff gives him advice about how he needs to focus on TikTok cause he blew up there. Talks about how he is young and inexperienced. Talks about how Steven doesn't think podcasting is for him and how he doesn't know what to bring to the table other than showing his dick.

Talks how how Steven can take Steiny in a UFC fight.

Talks about how they filmed a podcast the other day with Tana and then the live abruptly stopped.

FOR THAT ONE ANON:

A subscriber named Sydney asked the Mike question but he didn't answer.

About 220 people were on the live since he baited it and that's significantly more than the usual number of viewers. Nothing too interesting was discussed.

#jeff wittek #jeffwittek #jeff’s barbershop #h3h3productions

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iwant-fuitgummi · 4 years

Text

i found the page with all of schlatt’s aliases (the bolded ones are my favorites)

i’m so sorry

Schlatt

Jchlatt the Bi-Guy

My Drug Dealer

Schlagg

The Man of Steel

Logan from Big Time Rush

The PVP God

Schlatticus

Schlatticus Maximus

Jaylor Schwift

Jamaica Schlattville

Jay Scott

Big Hot Man

J Money

Jschlitt

Schlitt

Jshroud

JenocideSchlatt

Ladical

Parkinsons

NutSchlack

Schlurp

Jschlattos Basculus

Jslapmynuts

Work Guy

Wheels

Chrome Guy

Flying Man

Flight Man

Pence Man

Jack Frost

The Winner

Sun Rise Guy

Mr. Fortnite

Monitor Man

Mr. Goop

A p p l e man

Dropper Dude

Button Man

Ladder Man

Blades

Build Boy

Build Man

Build Bob

Mr Windex

Jstal

jschloot

Water Man

Mr SMP Live

King of Tekkit

Tekkit Man

GaySchlatt

Jschlong

The Cuck Shed Man

Jslat

Homewrecker

Jshmuck

Flap-Schlatt

The Lawnmower

Gay

Gayshat

The Parkour God

Funny Mic

The Parkour Prince

Mr Cobble

Schlett (British accent)

Mr Cobblestone

Eagle Eyes

Bladez

Breaker of Chains

Jesus H Christ

Gay Shart

The Bread Man

One half of the Hexxit Hebrew

Hackerman

Fifty Mick

Mr Minecraft

Mr Business

Greek Philosopher

Nice Catch 2

Twisty Neck

Sch

Slut

Gay Slut

Sack Schlatt

Sweatyballs

Wilbur's Pretty Princess

Wilbur Schlatt From Schlatt House

Bukowski

Islam

Nice Shot

Adolf Schlattler

Jason Schlatum

Mr Skid

Schlattdoesminecraft

Nacho Libre

SchlittleStick

FatSchlatt

JizzSlurp

Pokiman

JFK

Jacob Schlatt

Jgorsh

Nostalgia Critic

Cosby

Justin Trudeau

JMcChill

Schlattbama

Chuck

ProJschlatt

Joseph Stalin

Sea Cock

Schlattorious

Shlunk

Jamie Hyneman

Jefferey Epstein

Wilbur

Carson

Joko

Fitz

The Misschlatts

AntVenom

Technoblade

Alinity

ConnorEatsPants

ConarEatPant

Joebunga

Precum

Asianschlatt

Cumschlatt

Joe Jonas

Johnny Sins

Dad

Jay Hatt

Pewdiepie

Roll Man

Sea Salt

Semen

The Amazing Grapist

A Homo-Sexual

JUULSchlatt

2 Scoops

Smokestack

70 Nic (previously known as 50 Nic)

Jondar Shit

Wall Man

Mail Man

The Man with a Plan

Yes Papa

Furry

Jebediah

Jebediah Schlatt

Word Smith

Texas Instruments

Beethoven

Metronome

Colonel Sanders

Logan paul

JFLAT

JSOUP

No Plan Andy

Nice Catch

Yes

Jackie Robinson's Golden Boy

Wordsmith

Shit

Jshit

Jshat

Scat, Baby

Cat-Flap

VOICEOVERPETEACE

SwaggerSouls

James Charles

Schlonic the Hedgehog

Uh Oh

Noob Pooper

Terraria Man

Big Guy

New Guy

Counter Strike Man

Mr. Moustache Man

Mr. Rabbid

The Age of Empires

Jschalf

Man

Hot Gay Man

Sinus Infection

One Tablet Twice a Day

Hospital

Little girl

Your Man

POOPOOMAN

Dan Schneider

Jschlutt

The Sword Man

Jonathan Schlatt

Tiny Dick Man

Tiny Dick Boy

Nintey Thousand Dollars In Debt

The Horned Cuck

SheepBitch

WilberSoot

Traves

God

Mr Health and Safety

Jeff Bezos

El Presidente

Man of Steel

The Inventor of Loud = Funny

Secretary of Steel

Bilingual

Jimmy Neutron

Magic Fingers

Two in a Row

Two Piece

Floyd Mayweather

Addict

Dyin' Bryan

Mr. 8 Ball

Double Time

Doctor Shakey Jones

Shakey Bones

Shakey

Issac Newton

the Pool Boy

House Man

The Man Behind The Slaughter

Sword Man

The Fruit Ninja

Master Oogway

Gayass

Tony Hawk

The Hole In One Man

Larry the Lobster

Pablo Picasso

Power Plant

Power Point

Mr. Minecraft

Mr. Serotonin

Mr. Twitch

The Blade Runner

Lightning McQueen

Gongaga

Misfits

The Ebay Man

an eboy

Hook Line and Sinker

The Fisherman

The Hook Man

The Pacifier (starring Vin Diesel)

Renaissance Man

Inspector Gadget

Katniss Everdeen

Balls of Fury

The Night Owl

The North Tower

WordHunt

Luigi

Beyblade

Mr.Mutton Chops

Captain Price

The Deity

The Curator

The Steel Toe

The Foot Man

The Shit and Cum Man

Warrior

The God of Yoga

The Human Hula Hoop

The God of Wii Fit

Scott Slanders

'J for Joe Rogan' Schlatt

Mr Hands

Misfits Schlatt

Dick and Balls Man

SpaceX

Spitshine

Ricardo

S c h l a t t

Swiss Army Knife

Rbx

Scat Man

Manny from Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (so true)

Nice Catch

Gerund Gerald

The Rollercoaster Man

Mr. Cock and Penis

JFK (The J stands for Jschlatt)

The Hooker

Sunrise Guy

The Cat Whisperer

Trump

The Dicktator

The President o7

White boy

Gay boy

Flat

JFK’s Sister

Piss Boy

Bill Boy

Jerk Off

Thee Dick Cock Sucking Lover Boy

Thee Dick Cock Sucking Lover Man

Sunrise man

GaySchlatt

Mr. President

Jebediah Schlatt

Cripple

Bisexual

rammy (bad, very bad)

Hot

Schlattina

rort

verified guy

unverified guy

Jschlatt le stroke

Locker room dick sucker

Everyone’s fave white boy

Mr i hide in drug vans

Drunkschlatt

goatschlatt

the official goat

unverified goat man

verified goat man

goaty

supreme drug overlord

depressed </3

upload on theweeklyslap you cunt

cotton looking ass drug dealer

man in my window

cardiac arrest

foot cream lickere

hot garbage on my ceiling

the

inbred missisipi schlatt

Darth Schlagg

Schluddle

Relief

Schlurt

Schlong

#i copied and pasted this directly from the lunch club wiki so #jschlatt #schlatt #lunch club #dream smp #mcyt

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phantomofthepairofdice · 3 years

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Double Features 2: Splatter, Splicer, Slander, Slasher

Considering the fact that we’re locked down and most folks aren’t going out much, why not settle in on a weekend with double feature. As part of a series of articles, I’ve decided to suggest some titles that would make for an interesting pair. It’s a time commitment like binging a few episodes of a TV show, and hopefully these double features are linked in interesting enough ways that it has a similar sense of cohesion. They also can be watched on separate occasions, but the lesser the distance between them, the more the similarities show. Do it however you want, really. I’m merely a guy on the internet, and that qualifies me for absolutely nothing! Enjoy at your own risk.

This template is back! I wanted to suggest a few more double features, but this time keep them in a specific genre: horror. I love horror movies, and I realized that I hadn’t really given them their due on this here blog, so I wanted to remedy that by showing a lot of love across a lot of different movies. I’ve put together some international movies, some classics, some that are silly, some that are serious, and even a bonus suggestion hidden in one of these blurbs. So without any more ramble in the preamble, here are four new suggested double features.

Note: The pairs are listed in the order I think best serves them being seen.

Hausu & Evil Dead II:

Hausu aka House (not to be confused with 1985 American horror film of the same name) has sort of transcended cult movie status to become a staple of off-center horror-comedy. Directed by recently deceased Nobuhiko Obayashi, the film shows his roots in advertisements with every shot designed for maximum effect, a (still) cutting edge approach in the edit, and a joyous, playful approach to special effects. It’s a gauzy and dreamy romp about a group of schoolgirls who head to the countryside on vacation. While staying at one of their aunts’ house, the supernatural hauntings begin, and heads start to roll (as well as bite people on the butt). It’s the type of movie where the main cast of characters are named Gorgeous, Kung Fu, Melody, Prof, Mac, Sweet, and Fantasy and they each have corresponding character traits. I was lucky enough to catch this at a rep screening at the Museum of Fine Arts a few years ago (further proof that this has gone beyond the cult curio status), and this is absolutely a movie that benefits from having a crowd cheer and laugh along - but it’s fairly easy to find and still has lots of pleasures to be enjoyed on solo watch. I’m pretty much willing to guarantee that if you enjoy it on first watch, you’ll want to share it with others. Now, where does one start when talking about Evil Dead II? Sam Raimi is rightfully as well known for his start in the hair-brained splatter genre fare as he is for his genre-defining Spider-man films. The influence of the Evil Dead movies is nearly unquantifiable, apparent in the work of directors like Edgar Wright, Peter Jackson, Quentin Tarantino, and the Korean New Wave filmmakers like Bong Joon-ho and Park Chan-wook. There’s a reason that the second film of his Evil Dead odyssey is the one that people hold in highest esteem, though. There is an overwhelming gleeful creativity, anything goes, Looney Tunes approach to it that makes the blood geysers, laughing moose heads, and chainsaw hands extend beyond gore and shock into pleasure. It’s been noted over and over by critics and Raimi himself that the Three Stooges are probably the biggest influence on the film, and by golly, it shows. Evil Dead II and Hausu are pure in a way that few other movies can be. Both of these movies are an absolute delight of knowing camp, innovative special effects, and a general attitude of excitement from the filmmakers permeating through every frame. They’re a total blast and, in my mind, stand as the standard-bearers for horror-comedy and haunted house movies.

Total Runtime: 88 minutes + 84 minutes = 172 minutes aka 2 hours and 52 minutes

The Thing (1982) & The Fly (1986):

Feel free to roll your eyes as I explain the plots of two very famous movies. The Thing is John Carpenter’s body horror reimagining of Howard Hawks’ The Thing from Another World and the story that was adapted from, “Who Goes There?” by John W. Campbell Jr. The film is centered around a group of men in an arctic outpost who welcome in a cosmic force of shape-shifting annihilation. What ensues is a terrifically scary, nihilistic, paranoid attempt to find who isn’t who they say they are before everyone is replaced with the alien’s version of them. The film is a masterpiece of tone in no small part due to Dean Cundey’s photography and Ennio Morricone’s uncharacteristically restrained score. The real showstopper here, though, is the creature effects designed by Rob Bottin with an assist from Stan Winston – two titans of their industry. There may not be a more mind-blowing practical effects sequence in all of movies than Norris’ defibrillation – which I won’t dare spoil for anyone who hasn’t seen it. The story is so much about human nature and behaviors, that it’s good news that the cast is all top-notch – anchored by Kurt Russell, Keith David, and Wilford Brimley. While The Thing is shocking and certainly not for anyone opposed to viscera, David Cronenberg’s The Fly is the best example of a movie not to watch while eating. Quite frankly, it’s got some of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen on film. Chris Walas and Stephen Dupuis’ makeup effects are shocking, but the terror is amplified because this builds such a strong foundation of romance in its opening stretch between Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis in what might be their career-best work. The story is simple: a scientist creates a teleportation device that he tries out himself, but unknowingly does so with a fly in the chamber with him. When he reatomizes on the other end, his DNA has been integrated with the fly. Slowly his body begins to deteriorate, and he transforms into a human-fly hybrid. While this is first and foremost a science-fiction horror film, it’s truly one of the most potent love stories at its center. The tragedy is that the love, like the flesh, is mutated and disintegrated by the hubris of Goldblum’s Seth Brundle. Here are two remakes that – clutch your pearls – outdo the original. They both serve as great examples of what a great artist can bring by reinterpreting the source material to tell their version of that story. The critical respect for Carpenter and Cronenberg is undeniable now, but both of these movies make the case that there are real artists working with allegory and stunning craft in less respected genre fare. It doesn’t take a lot of effort to transpose the thematic weight of the then-new AIDS crisis onto both films, but they both have a hefty anti-authority streak running through them in a time where American Exceptionalism was at an all-time high. If you want to get a real roll going, fire up the ’78 Invasion of the Body Snatchers first to get a triple dose of auteur remakes that reflect the social anxieties of the time and chart from generalized anxiety to individualistic dread to romantic fatalism.

Total Runtime: 109 minutes + 96 minutes = 205 minutes aka 3 hours and 25 minutes

Theatre of Blood & The Abominable Dr. Phibes

That old Klingon proverb that Khan tells Kirk about revenge being a dish best served cold is challenged by these two Vincent Price tales of the macabre. They posit that revenge is best served in extremely convoluted and thematically appropriate predecessors to the Saw franchise. Where Saw trades in shock and extremity, though, these classic horror tales offer an air of panache and self-satisfied literacy. In Theatre of Blood, Price plays a disgraced and thought-dead stage actor who gets revenge on the critics who gave him negative reviews with Shakespeare-themed murder. There’s good fun in seeing how inventive the vengeful killings are (and in some cases how far the writers bend over backwards to explain and make sense of them). It’s a little rumpled and ragged in moments, but Price is, of course, a tremendous pleasure to see in action as he chews through the Shakespeare monologues. Imagine the Queen’s corgis with a chainsaw and you’re on track. Phibes came first and, frankly, is the better of the two. The story is about a musician who seeks to kill the doctors who he believes were responsible for his wife’s death during a botched surgery. The elaborate angle he takes here is to inflict the ten plagues from the Old Testament. I hesitate to use a word that will probably make me come across as an over-eager schmuck, but it really feels best described as phantasmagorical. It’s got this bright, art deco, pop art sensibility to it that’s intoxicating. It also has a terrifically dark sense of drollery - it knows that you can see the strings on the bat as it flies toward the camera. Aesthetically, it feels adjacent to the ’66 Batman show. The music is great and the indelible image of his tinker toy robot band, The Clockwork Wizards, is a personal obsession of mine. Both Theatre of Blood and The Abominable Dr. Phibes feature great supporting turns from Diana Rigg and Joseph Cotton, respectively. Settle in for a devilishly good time and enjoy one of cinema’s greatest vicarious pleasures: getting back at those of criticized or hurt you.

Total Runtime: 104 minutes + 94 minutes = 198 minutes aka 3 hours and 18 minutes

Blood and Black Lace & The Bird with the Crystal Plumage

The final pairing comes from beyond American borders and, to some, beyond the borders of good taste. Mario Bava and Dario Argento are likely the two biggest names in Italian horror, and that’s for very good reason. Bava, who started as a cinematographer, has made loads of movies (even the film which gave Ozzy Osbourne and crew the name their band name) that have tremendous visuals and terrific sense of mood. Argento, probably most famous now for Suspiria, emerged onto the Italian film scene a handful of years later and picked up that baton from Bava to crystallize the dreamy logic puzzles cloaked in hyper-saturated colors. These two films are regarded as quintessential in the giallo genre – named for the yellow covers of the pulp crime fictions that inspired them. As someone who loves the flair that can be applied to make a slasher film stand out amongst their formulaic brethren, I found that the giallo made for a smooth transition into international horror. Blood and Black Lace is a murder mystery that’s as tawdry and titillating as its title suggests. Set in an insular world of a fashion house in Rome, models are being murdered. The plot feels like a necessity in order to create a delivery system for the stunning set pieces that revolve around a secret diary. Bava puts sex right next to violence and cranks up the saturation to create something thrillingly lurid. Six years later, Argento made his first film which has often been credited for popularizing the giallo genre and already is playing around with some of his pet themes like voyeurism and reinterpretation. Built around an early set piece (that stacks up as one of the best in thrillers) in which a man is trapped but witnesses a murder, the film sees said man trying to find the piece of evidence that will make the traumatic killing make sense. Like Bava, it blends sex and violence with tons of flair, including a score by the aforementioned Ennio Morricone. The film is absolutely on a continuum between Hitchcock and De Palma. If you’re looking for a pair of exciting horror/thrillers, or even an entry point to foreign genre cinema, this is an accessible and enjoyable place to start.

88 minutes + 96 minutes = 184 minutes aka 3 hours and 4 minutes

Well, there you have it. Eight movies, and hours of entertainment curated by some guy with no real qualifications. If you’re interested in some more suggestions (in horror and other genres), stay tuned for the next entry in this Double Features series. And if you’re looking for a way to watch these movies, I highly recommend the app/website JustWatch where you can search a title and see where it’s available for streaming or rental. Happy viewing.

Thanks for reading.

#evil dead #evil dead 2 #hausu #hausu 1977 #the thing #the fly #theatre of blood #dr phibes #blood and black lace #bird with the crystal plumage #double feature

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rpmemesbyarat · 4 years

Text

Quotes from RuPaul's Drag Race 12.9

“If a robot, and a Barbie, and a cheerleader all had like, an orgy, and then, like, they made a robot, Barbie, cheerleader bitch- that would be [Name].”

“Keep your ass right, and your mind will follow.”

“I like it both ways.”

“I needed my dream to almost be crushed for me to realize how important this is.”

“I got a new lease on life.”

“I’m not wearing the right underwear for tucking.”

“Underwear? What’s that?”

“Here, kitty kitty! Here, kitty kitty!”

“Now I get like, five million hits on my sleeping videos.”

“Do you mind?”

“Make yourself at home.”

“What alley did you just crawl out of?”

“I always say, ‘a girl who can sleep where she pees will always have time for a catnap’.”

“Look what the cat dragged in.”

“I’m a dog person, so I really don’t know how cats react.”

“I usually play with two at a time.”

“Kitty cats always hand on their feet.”

“I seem to be stuck.”

“It’s time for America’s first drag queen president!”

“I brought my political advisor.”

“Such a womanly handshake.”

“You got my vote.”

“It’s the most obvious thing in the world! I mean, come on!”

“Now that can that be stolen is the question.”

“You can have it.”

“Are you a politically minded?”

“You don’t want it to come in one ear. You want it to come on your tits.”

“I just want to know how do bring yourself out of a rut.”

“I’ve seen your shoes.”

“Are they prescribed?”

“That cute. That’s not very funny, is it?”

“Don’t take any of it seriously.”

“Are you willing to sling some mud to get your point across?”

“Have you ever been in a debate before?”

“I don’t debate. I argue.”

“Get back to work.”

“I’m always watching cable news- the good channels.”

“I’m not an American.”

“I’m here on a Green Card.”

“Why, you old geezer!”

“Booooriiiing!”

“Jeff Goldblum is a dinosaur doctor.”

“Now, I don’t know if that’s his real life, but I love a man who knows about dinosaurs.”

“I can do the American people proud.”

“Choices.”

“Would you say you’re a master debater?”

“Got the calluses to prove it?”

“Y'know, you’ll go blind doing that.”

“Where are you?”

“I was the secretary of my high school’s gay/straight alliance.”

“I feel like I’m basking in your opalescent glow.”

“You look absolutely statuesque and radiant like a Grecian goddess.”

“Look, I know that I’m married, but you are my hall pass. You have been for years.”

“One night only. C'mon, it’s a great time.”

“I’ve proven time, and time again that I mean business in the front, and party in the back!!!”

“It was a dark time. Let’s move on.”

“As I always say, 'you can take the bitch out of the hustle, but you cannot take the hustle out of the bitch’.”

“Ooo! The slander!”

“Little do you know I am fully vajazzled downstairs.”

“Did she say va-vajazzled?”

“Yes, vajazzled.”

“Are you smelling toast? You having a little bit of a stroke?”

“I love toast.”

“Don’t you love waking up in the morning and not knowing where you are? Who you are? Why you are?”

“I don’t own a horse, but I love riding.”

“Can we see your tax returns?”

“Now, are we talking Canadian or American dollars?”

“LOOK OVER THERE!!!”

“I’ve got a controversial question coming up.”

“You truly are a bitch.”

“Here we go again.”

“I have your back. And front.”

“He’s a dinosaur doctor!”

“Is that a particular constellation?”

“I’m going to tell my waxer I want that next time.”

“It’s called the American bikini wax.”

“I do like redheads of all kinds.”

“I’m definitely going to steal that look from you.”

“I’m going to cover the White House in glitter!”

“I fell into the gap.”

“You ever read Tennessee Williams?”

“The payoff is not worth it.”

“Are you religious, may I ask?”

“It’s a complex issue.”

“Normally, I hate a minute man…”

“I don’t know where your body ends, and the illusion begins.”

“Um, excuse me, who is that woman sitting next to you?”

“Who is that by your side?!”

“I will not be silenced! Listen to me!”

“Ooo, I can buy nice shoes!”

“I feel like I let you down.”

“You did not let me down.”

#rp meme #rp memes #rp starters #roleplay memes #roleplay meme #roleplay starters #rupaul's drag race #drag race #submission #thank you!

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dailyaudiobible · 4 years

Text

11/24/2020 DAB Transcript

Ezekiel 47:1-48:35, 1 Peter 2:11-3:7, Psalms 119:49-64, Proverbs 28:12-13

Today is the 24th day of November welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I’m Brian it is a great joy and deep comfort to be here with you around the Global Campfire as we take the next step forward in the Scriptures and take the next step forward in the year and toward the end of the year. So, we are reading from the New International Version this week. We have been camped out in the book of Ezekiel in the Old Testament for a while now. Today we will reach its conclusion and finish the book of Ezekiel. We are also in the New Testament working our way through first Peter. And, so, we’ll continue that journey when we get there. We’re reading from the New International Version this week. Ezekiel chapters 47 and 48.

Commentary:

Okay. In first Peter today we’re seeing glimpses of how to face marginalization and being sidelined and even being persecuted, how to resist that by not being what is being said. In other words, people are being stereotyped. The way to resist that is to not be that, to not be the stereotype. So, Peter’s writing to people who have fled marginalization and persecution, who are trying to find a place of peace to live out their faith in harmony and they have run. They are all over the place. This is one of the primary ways that the gospel of Jesus Christ spread around the Roman Empire, the known world of the time. But, you know, if you move to an a new place, a new city and you’re trying to get established and get a job and find a place to live and…and then there's this stereotype that gets…that…you get labeled…you get labeled something, then it becomes really, really difficult to navigate. And if you're labeled, “you’re part of a strange religious sect. Like if you hear that about anybody, “oh…they’re…they’re…they're part of a strange religious sect,” well, we really don't have any information whatsoever to go on other than it sounds really bad and negative. And, so, the stereotype is there, and that person is looked at a certain way. And, so, followers of Jesus were considered untrustworthy. They were considered really, really strange, religiously. Like the observance of the Eucharist or communion was…was considered very weird, like a very weird ritual to people who had no experience with it. Basically, it's…it's like it's not a secret that here in the United States…this has been a year of…of unrest as special…especially racial unrest in the exploration of systemic racism and the implications. And one thing that...well it still goes on today…but was much more prevalent in previous generations would be the use of the N-word. A derogatory word used at African American, black people - a label, a stereotype, a word that can be used to marginalize. We have to remember that people, early followers of Jesus, they were perceived as coming out of Judaism. Jews had been marginalized and persecuted and had been labeled for a long time at this point, and that continues in the world until this very day. So, like in some places to be called a Jew, that’s a bigoted label, like that's not a good thing. So, for people following Jesus to be called Christ followers or disciples of the Rabbi, Jesus, or Christians, this is the same kind of labeling that's going on. So, in…in a lot of ways what Peter's writing in what we read today is, “don't be that. If you’re going to be slandered or mischaracterized or stereotyped, then don't be that. Rise above that. Live your life higher. Raise the bar. Be better than that.” So, we see him like, “submit to the local authorities, submit to the national authorities, submit to your employers. Like, live what you say. Live the faith that you claim. Live it because if you're living it, then you will rise above the stereotype and show that there actually is a better way of navigating humanity because of Jesus making that better way of being in this world visible by resisting the stereotypes, by not receiving the labels, by being better than the labels. And, so, I quote Peter here as he kind of concludes some of…of…of his encouragement. “How is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and you endure the beating for doing wrong, but if you suffer for doing good and you endure it this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in His steps.” And, so, that we’re on the same page, this is…Peter's not writing about things that might happen or that could happen or that may be on the distant horizon. He’s talking about…the letters written because these things are happening. And, so, he's counseling how to battle things that are happening and as it turns out it brilliantly, it's so perfect the way he turns the corner and helps us understand that these kinds of…kinds of marginalization's, these kinds of things even happen inside people's homes because maybe one spouse, here's the good news or maybe they both hear the good news, but one spouse believes, and the other one doesn't. And, so, I quote Peter again, “wives in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that if any of them do not believe the word they may be won over without words, by the behavior of their wives,” right? Rising above the labeling. “They may be one over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” Yikes! What's that doing their in a discussion about how to behave in the face of being marginalized? Isn't it in our homes between our spouse and ourselves that we really actually do have to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling? like isn't that the ground zero for however we might go out into the world and resist by not being what we've been stereotyped as? Like doesn’t that have to start at home? Is there any other way to live out what Peter is talking about if it's not there, present in our home? And when Peter says about “hindering your prayers”, he’s speaking to husbands here. That doesn't mean it doesn't apply to both spouses, but husbands may we pay attention. Our homes are places where we…if it's a bad day and things aren't going well and well-worn paths that lead to terrible arguments are being walked down, well we can we can marginalize each other and diminish each other and hurt one another and suppress the voices of each other more dominantly and more awfully inside the walls of our house than we ever would outside. So, for this to…for this whole conversation to land back at home is something we ought to pay very very close attention to. “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

Prayer:

Father we come into your presence. It would explain a lot. It would be like James saying, “how can you bless the Lord out of your mouth and curse your brothers and sisters who are made in His image out of the same mouth? Surely this isn’t right. Surely, this shouldn't be happening.” And, so, we are confronted with these things and once again you've landed some things in our lap that we cannot look away from. It won't help. And, so, we’re looking to you for guidance in the ways that we've marginalized each other beginning inside our homes and working outward from there. We read yesterday, “we are to be holy because you are holy”, which means we must rise above the stereotype. We must rise above being labeled. We must be the light of the world. And we have a ways to go, we confess. We are not where we should be, we confess. And it's easy enough to know that globally. It's easy enough to know that we are all part of something that has some work to do. Its way different when we understand inside of the four walls of our houses is where that work begins. Come Holy Spirit we need you now. We ask in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, it’s the website, it’s where you always can go to find out what's going on around here. It's where the Prayer Wall also lives and thrives. Always an opportunity to pray for one another or ask for prayer there. So, check it out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com as well. There’s as a link on the homepage. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app, and all this, the Prayer Wall and everything is available in Daily Audio Bible app as well, but if you’re using the app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address, if that’s your preference, is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement there are a number of ways to reach out. You can hit the Hotline button in the app, which is the little red button up at the top or there are phone numbers you can use depending on where you are in the world. In the Americas 877-942-4253 is the number to call. If you are in the UK or Europe 44-20-3608-8078 is the number. And if you are in Australia or that part of the world 61-3-8820-5459 is a number to dial.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Good morning Daily Audio Bible this is Diane Olive Braun and Jeff my husband is here with me. It’s so wonderful the two of us listening together. I want to share with you something really special to me. I have been repenting a lot and things I thought that were really special were not pleasing to the Lord, mostly that I wasn’t taking time alone with Him and just focusing on other things more important than Him and I’ve been repenting and…and taking quality time each day. And because I hadn’t been giving special time to the Lord I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t sleep at night. And, so, one night I told the Lord I was so tired because I couldn’t sleep. And I said Lord I’m going to try for 5 or 10 minutes to sleep and I put on Brian’s album, Heart and I said if I don’t fall asleep in five minutes I will get up and clean the house. And, so, I put on his album, Heart and I laid my head on my pillow and three hours later I woke up refreshed and renewed and inspired. Thank you, thank you, thank you DAB community and Brian. Shalom, shalom…

Hi DAB family this is CS from SC. A close friend of mine’s son was in an accident earlier this week. He was driving and with his passenger, I believe his girlfriend, was killed in the accident. He’s been charged with…my friend’s sons been charged with vehicular homicide and driving under the influence. They were both college students both in their early 20s. I would just ask prayer for her family. This young man has…has made some bad choices now. He…he’s always been such a good kid, but he’s made some really bad choices at this point and it’s ended up with some horrific consequences for his girlfriend’s family. So, I would just ask prayer first for her family, for comfort and peace. I don’t know how you get through something like this. I just…I can’t imagine but I would also ask prayer for his family for my friend, just to know how to work through all the challenges that they’re going to have now, the legal battles. And, of course, there’ll be some incarceration I’m sure. So, anyway I would…would just ask that you be in prayer for both families, that they can see God’s will and everything that’s going on and just be there to comfort everybody that’s involved in this situation. Thanks, and have an excellent…

Good afternoon new DAB family God bless you all. Woman who called in in regard to ovarian cancer and her husband suffering from MS, I am believing and thanking God but first and foremost first and foremost for your total healing from the inside out, that every molecular cell that’s in your body is going to be eradicated. I am thanking God for the children that you have that has been helping you fight this. I know that this has been hard for you, but I also know that God is a God delivers and I am believing in His might. Susan from Osceola, Osceola Florida you know the way you’re thanking God in the midst of you losing your son and you yet you’re thanking God for all of the small blessings. Sister I bless you in the name of Jesus. You know that the Lord is going to heal your son Keith. I am so grateful that it’s…you’re in the season with Keith, that you have become so much closer but I am believing that nothing is too hard for the Lord. God bless you. Running Desperately Staying Connected to Jesus. I totally get it. You know when you say that you felt strong when you connected to your DAB family and when you disconnect that you seem weaker. I totally get that. That’s how I felt. You know in my dark seasons you know I felt like Moses you know without with Aaron and Joshua. I totally get it. God bless you. We are still praying for you and I’m praying and believing in your victory. Michaela from Gloucester. Beautiful beautiful song. You know how you’re meeting us in our darkness. That’s exactly what the Lord does. He meets us in our darkness. But I am telling you sister in the name of Jesus I am believing that the Lord will give us the strength to face our tomorrows and to do what’s in front of us because that is the God we serve. And knowing the name of Jesus He is gonna do the same for you in Jesus’ name. I love you. Esther from Orlando.

Thank you God for giving me everything I asked you freed me from my demons and my true self’s now unmasked time is running short now as they say this too shall pass I pray and thank you constantly and there’s not much that I ask the relationship that I have with you I pray will always last last is first and first is last a simple little verse but some men go from good to bad and some from bad to worse help me just be patient God and follow where you lead help me not be selfish Lord and consumed with pride and greed wherever two are gathered I know that you’ll be there keep my mind’s eye simple God and strip my ego bare make me in your image God I’m flesh but still I’m clay fill me with your spirit Lord and renew my strength each day one and one are usually two but you and I are one finish God the work in me you clearly have begun

[email protected]. I’d like to give a shout out to Terry the Truck Driver and also Melisa. I hope you’re still hanging in there. Know that you are both in my prayers every day and very much loved and thought of and missed. And once again Brian and the Hardin family thank you for this wonderful podcast for God’s Holy Spirit flow keep it flowing y’all. All right. Bye-bye.

Hello, my dear DAB family this is Terry the Trucker calling this evening. It’s Saturday, November the 21st. Today we had a eulogy for my wife’s aunt Marilyn that passed away a few weeks ago just suddenly. It was not expected. This is also the birthday of my oldest stepson Mikey. Died in a car wreck at the age of 14. This is also the day that my wife when we left the church, she told me she had chills that she had a fever and wasn’t feeling right. We took her into the hospital. They tested her for the flu and been with my wife of 32 years. I’ve only known her to be sick one time out of 32 years and they suspect it’s the virus. I just ask you all to pray for my wife for my family and myself. I’m spending the night in my truck less than a block from the house. So, I know I’ve been exposed to her but why take the chance of spending the night if maybe I don’t have it. We’ll know in a couple days if she has the virus for sure but I ask you all to pray for me and I continue to pray for each and every one of y’all as I drive up and down these highways. Terry the Trucker.

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phroyd · 5 years

Link

President Trump wanted Attorney General William P. Barr to hold a news conference declaring that the commander in chief had broken no laws during a phone call in which he pressed his Ukrainian counterpart to investigate a political rival, though Barr ultimately declined to do so, people familiar with the matter said.

The request from Trump traveled from the president to other White House officials and eventually to the Justice Department. The president has mentioned Barr’s declination to associates in recent weeks, saying he wished Barr would have held the news conference, Trump advisers say.

In recent weeks, the Justice Department has sought some distance from the White House, particularly on matters relating to the burgeoning controversy over Trump’s dealings on Ukraine and the impeachment inquiry they sparked.

People close to the administration say Barr and Trump remain on good terms. A senior administration official said Trump praised the attorney general publicly and privately Wednesday, and deputy White House press secretary Hogan Gidley said in a statement: “The President has nothing but respect for AG Barr and greatly appreciates the work he’s done on behalf of the country — and no amount of shady sources with clear intent to divide, smear, and slander will change that.”

But those close to the administration also concede that the department has made several recent maneuvers putting it at odds with the White House at a particularly precarious time for the president. Like others, they spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss the politically fraught situation.

The request for the news conference came sometime around Sept. 25, when the administration released a rough transcript of the president’s July phone call with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky. The document showed that Trump urged Zelensky to investigate former vice president Joe Biden and his son Hunter — while dangling a possible White House visit for the foreign leader.

By then, a whistleblower complaint about the call had moved congressional Democrats to launch the impeachment inquiry, and the administration was on the defensive. As the rough transcript was released, a Justice Department spokeswoman said officials had evaluated it and the whistleblower complaint to see whether campaign finance laws had been broken, determined that none had been and decided “no further action was warranted.”

It was not immediately clear why Barr would not go beyond that statement with a televised assertion that the president broke no laws, nor was it clear how forcefully the president’s desire was communicated. A Justice Department spokeswoman declined to comment. A senior administration official said, “The DOJ did in fact release a statement about the call, and the claim that it resulted in tension because it wasn’t a news conference is completely false.”

From the moment the administration released the rough transcript, Barr made clear that whatever the president was up to, he was not a party to it.

Though the rough transcript shows Trump offering Zelensky the services of his attorney general to aid investigations of Biden and his son, a Barr spokeswoman said that Barr and Trump had never discussed that.

“The President has not spoken with the Attorney General about having Ukraine investigate anything relating to former vice president Biden or his son,” spokeswoman Kerri Kupec said in a statement released at the same time as the rough transcript. “The President has not asked the Attorney General to contact Ukraine — on this or any other matter. The Attorney General has not communicated with Ukraine — on this or any other subject.”

It would not be the last time the Justice Department would have to distance itself from the White House on a matter relevant to the impeachment inquiry. After acting White House chief of staff Mick Mulvaney said at a televised briefing last month that Ukraine’s cooperation in the investigations Trump wanted was tied to hundreds of millions of dollars of aid that the United States had withheld from Kyiv, a Justice Department official quickly made clear to reporters that the department did not endorse that position.

“If the White House was withholding aid in regards to the cooperation of any investigation at the Department of Justice, that is news to us,” the official said.

The department — and Barr in particular — has similarly sought separation from Rudolph W. Giuliani, the president’s personal lawyer who was leading the effort to investigate the Bidens.

In addition to asserting that Barr and Trump had never discussed investigating the Bidens, Kupec said in her statement that the attorney general had not “discussed this matter, or anything relating to Ukraine, with Rudy Giuliani.” Barr’s allies had previously confided to reporters that the attorney general was unhappy with Giuliani, particularly over his going outside of normal channels to pursue investigations of interest to the president.

Last month, after the department arrested two Giuliani associates who had worked on investigating the Bidens’ activities in Ukraine, the New York Times reported that Giuliani had participated in a meeting about a separate case with Brian A. Benczkowski, the head of the Justice Department’s Criminal Division, and lawyers in the department’s fraud section.

The day after that report, the department issued an unusual statement saying those in the meeting were unaware of the case that led to charges against Giuliani’s associates for alleged campaign finance violations. Giuliani also is being investigated as a part of the case, though he has said he has not been told of that.

“When Mr. Benczkowski and fraud section lawyers met with Mr. Giuliani, they were not aware of any investigation of Mr. Giuliani’s associates in the Southern District of New York and would not have met with him had they known,” Peter Carr, a department spokesman, told the Times.

People close to Barr assert that while Barr is a strong believer in the power of the presidency, he has always recognized there might be times when he has to preserve the Justice Department’s independence.

“My take is that Barr hasn’t changed one bit, that he has had a healthy distance from the beginning,” one person close to the administration said, speaking on the condition of anonymity to candidly describe Barr’s relationship with Trump. “He knows the parameters of the relationship between a president and an AG.”

Trump had a famously dysfunctional relationship with his first Senate-confirmed attorney general, Jeff Sessions. The president blamed Sessions for special counsel Robert S. Mueller III’s investigation into whether his campaign coordinated with Russia to influence the 2016 election because — in the president’s view — Sessions’s recusal from that case allowed for Mueller’s appointment and everything that followed. Mueller, though, was appointed by the deputy attorney general at the time, Rod J. Rosenstein, weeks after Sessions recused himself.

Trump publicly and privately attacked Sessions for virtually Sessions’s entire tenure in the top law enforcement job and toyed constantly with firing him. He finally did so after the 2018 midterm elections and nominated Barr as his permanent replacement. His resentment lingers to this day, as Sessions is expected to announce a run for his old Senate seat.

Though Barr was a relative outsider to Trumpworld when the president picked him as attorney general, he quickly won the president’s affection. In announcing Mueller’s principal conclusions — before Mueller’s final report had been issued — Barr declared that the special counsel had found insufficient evidence to allege coordination between Russia and the Trump campaign. And while Mueller had not reached a determination on whether the president had obstructed justice, Barr said he had reviewed the case himself and determined Trump had not.

Barr’s descriptions so agitated Mueller that the special counsel sent a letter to the attorney general complaining that Barr “did not fully capture the context, nature, and substance” of the special counsel’s work. Barr ultimately would release Mueller’s final report — which painted a far more damning picture for Trump — but even as he did so, he held a news conference and endorsed one of the president’s famed talking points.

“As he said from the beginning,” Barr declared, referring to Trump, “there was, in fact, no collusion.”

Detractors have criticized the attorney general as eroding the Justice Department’s independence, though Trump has generally been pleased. Most recently, allies say he has been heartened as Barr has sought to investigate those involved in the Russia case, tapping U.S. Attorney John Durham to lead an inquiry into the origins of the Mueller investigation and whether the U.S. government’s “intelligence collection activities” related to the Trump campaign were “lawful and appropriate.”

On Ukraine, though, the White House and Justice Department have been somewhat out of sync.

Some time after The Washington Post began reporting on the nature of the whistleblower’s complaint about Trump’s phone call, the Justice Department pushed to release the rough transcript. Leaders there believed — perhaps misguidedly — that doing so could quell the budding controversy, because in his conversation with Zelensky, Trump did not explicitly push for a quid pro quo tying U.S. aid for Ukraine to the politically beneficial investigations he sought. The White House was initially resistant.

The Justice Department had not always been on the side of full transparency, blocking transmission of the whistleblower complaint to Congress — even though the intelligence community inspector general felt the law required it to be handed over. Unbeknown to the public, the department weighed whether to investigate a potential campaign finance crime, though ultimately concluded there was not sufficient basis to do so after an inquiry limited essentially to reviewing the rough transcript of the Trump-Zelensky call.

Though Barr did not hold a news conference clearing Trump of any wrongdoing, the Justice Department did issue its statement saying it would not investigate the matter — at least for campaign finance violations. While that was a partial win for Trump, it has allowed Congress to expedite its impeachment inquiry without fear of impeding law enforcement — and make public unflattering testimony about the president and his allies’ dealings in Ukraine.

Tom Hamburger contributed to this report.

What’s happening now: Lawmakers are conducting an inquiry, which could lead to impeachment. An impeachment would mean the U.S. House thinks the president is no longer fit to serve and should be removed from office.

What’s happening next: The House will hold public impeachment hearings, beginning on November 13. House committees conducting the investigation have already held closed-door hearings and subpoenaed documents from dozens of witnesses relating to the president’s July 25 phone call with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky.

Phroyd

#trump #barr #ukraine

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yunsangelic · 6 years

Text

captaindboss’ Hottest NHL Players Survey Responses

I’m demonkonecny bc it’s halloween!!! Happy Halloween!!! Anyway I’m finally posting the results of my hottest players per team survey, (it’s closed now so u can’t take it anymore, sorry) which included ur fav ugly hots like jack eichel and connor mcdavid. Y’all had some colorful write-in responses for me, I included my favorites! Anyway, as not to clog dashes I put it under a read more. If you have questions about how I compiled this data or how I organized it, feel free to ask! Also some of y’all didn’t put an answer for like half the teams???? who raised you.

Montreal Canadians

Carey Price (55.02%--126 of 229 votes)

Jonathan Drouin (23.58%--54 of 229 votes)

Shea Weber (13.10%--30 of 229 votes)

Other* (8.30%--19 of 229 votes)

*= Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

“PK Subban...oh wait...Lars Eller... Oh wait...Drouin...oh wait...Alex Galchenyuk...oh wait shit fine Shea Weber”

“Everyone who has escaped”

“their ‘attitude problem’“

Boston Bruins

Brandon Carlo (30.26%--69(lol) of 228 votes)

Patrice Bergeron (Cause y’all would kill me if I didn’t put him) (29.82%--68 of 228 votes)

David Pastrnak (yum i lov carb) (25.88%--59 of 228 votes)

Other* (14.04%--32 of 228 votes)

*= Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

[About Carlo] “He’s a baby but also like has an ageless vampire quality which appeals to my ovaries, long conditioned by teen vampire novels”

“Brad Marchand's tongue (only the tongue)” [this ain’t it chief]

“I love my alien father tuukka rask” [r u ok]

Bonus, cause I’m weak:

“no one THINKS pasta is hot COME ON i hate us” [it’s okay, he is VERY hot, that’s why I put him lmao]

“Zdeno chara babey” [R U OK]

Bl*ckh*wks

Girl as if (44.80%--99 of 221 votes)

Jonathan Toews (22.62%--50 of 221 votes)

If you put pk*ne here i’ll come to your house and murder you*^/other (17.65%--39 of 221 votes)

hahahahaHAHAHA (14.93%--33 of 221 votes)

*= tie between Nick Schmaltz and John Hayden.

^= 3 people want me to come to their houses and murder them, unfortunately it’s still illegal to do so, therefore I will not be doing that.

Write-ins

“toews player portrait makes him look like a human condom”

“i live in chicago and am willing to take 1 for the team and take out k*ne”

“Bitch you funny but also Alex Debrincat”

New York Rangers

Brady Skjei (46.32%--107 of 231 votes)

Henrik Lundqvist duh (31.17%--72 of 231 votes)

Brett Howden is the right answer despite not being on the roster yet^ (11.69% (lol)--27 of 231 votes)

Other* (10.82%--25 of 231 votes)

*= Inconclusive results.

^= funny enough, like 2 days after I made this Brett made the final cut lmao.

Write-ins

“Chris Kreider (have you seen the golf pic???) [LMFAO yeah I have (it’s probably too NSFW if ur in public fyi if u wanna google it)]

“i'm horny for like half the gd rangers roster!!!!” [lol girl I know, y’all actually have a few cuties I was a lil shocked]

“this is a hot team too bad they suck”

Toronto Maple Leafs

Y’all are demons okay Nikita Zaitsev is a fuckin gem idk why I was surprised about this but I was lmao.

Other* (39.37%--87 of 221 votes) [just know that I hate u all :/]

William Nylander (25.79%--57 of 221 votes)

Nazem Kadri (24.89%--55 of 221 votes)

Nikita Zaitsev (9.95%--22 of 221 votes)

*= Freddie Andersen.

Write-ins

“william nylander isn't a leaf, firstable, and second it's motch murner” [sjdhkdlsjdj everything about this]

“i'm putting rich clune even tho he's on the marlies. SOMETIMES HE COMES UP. he could benchpress ever leaf on the roster.” [ur valid, when u sent this I was like “FUCK they’re right.”]

“None they look like 25 year olds who smoke crack in the parking lot” [this is low-key mean but I still laughed, cause yeah, white dudes. But I’m not condoning drug abuse or jokes about drug abuse, as this person had no intention of doing, I’m sure. Just wanted to put that because I know some people might be concerned.]

Bonus, again, weak:

"Jxhn Txvxrxs” [jhkhfoij why did u censor his name sis??]

“nobody’s attractive on the leafs” [this isn’t true but I’m petty and it’s funny.]

Detroit Red Wings

I was so fucking offended by some of the dylan larkin SLANDER up in these write-ins, y’all can come to my house and fight me thx.

Dylan Larkin (48.23%--109 of 226 votes)

Henrik Zetterberg (im crying) (31.42%--71(CRYING) of 226 votes)

Other* (11.95%--27 of 226 votes)

Andreas Athanasiou (8.41%--19 of 226 votes)

*= 12 votes for “No one/Not Dylan Larkin” (yall r annoying lmfao), 10 votes for Filip Zadina (he’s a CHILD how dare u)

Write-Ins

“Luke glen denting is hot look at his arms and he’s not too old for ME” [girl when I tell u this shit killed me, I mean I SQUAWKED a laugh out and sent it to the fps gc, I was DEAD]

“I don't know what any of the red wings look like and it's probably better that way” [????????????????]

“ion know anyone on the wings except zadina and he scored a gwg against the bruins yesterday so my answer for this one is none 😤😤” [(this was in reference to a pre-season game) lmao sis yall are okay. it was yalls babies against our roster players, I would have offed myself had the outcome been any different lmao]

Bonus

“Does anyone actually play for the red wings” [no]

“filip "thot" zadina” [don’t....]

Los Angeles Kings

The only right answer is Alec Martinez (41.56%--96 of 231 votes)

Adrian Kempe (38.10%--88 of 231 votes)

Anze Kopitar (12.12%--28 of 231 votes)

Other* (8.23%--19 of 231 votes)

*= Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

“jeff carter would snort a line of coke with gritty” [uhhhhh WHAT]

“uhh wayne gretzky...” [jvfluhddsf sis...]

“I couldn't name anyone on this team if you PAID ME” [fjldfdhfh god I wish that were me, sorry annie u know I joke....]

Philadelphia Flyers

Claude Giroux (44.78%--103 of 230 votes)

Travis Konecny (HAHAHAHAHA that’s my ugly hot gremlin) (24.78%--57 of 230 votes

Other* (22.17%--51 of 230 votes

Wayne Simmonds (8.26%--19 of 230 votes)

*= Nolan Patrick is apparently who y’all think is the 3rd hottest flyer, even tho he Looks Like That rn lmao. fuckin’ lettuce head.

Write-ins

“Gritty's googly eyes are the windows to the soul”

“andrea helfrich” [ur right]

“tk, because country boy i LOVE you 😛”

Bonus

“hey don't make threats abt gritty like that” [I put “if you put gritty i’ll block you”]

“My hellspawn son [Gritty,] is beautiful can’t believe Voracek and G had a son tho” [HDKUHEDKJFHD BITCH]

Pittsburgh Penguins :(

Kris Letang (55.17%--128 of 232 votes)

Other* (19.40%--45 of 232 votes)

Not Sidney Crosby [this is the option for Sidney Crosby] (16.81%--39 of 232 votes)

Tristan Jarry (8.62%--20 of 232 votes

*= different variations of “none” won but only by one vote, the person right behind was Jamie Oleksiak.

Write-ins

“the penguins roster came into my home and killed my entire family, but jamie oleksiak is 6'7" 255 lbs of A Man” [NDKFHSJRFDRBSKRFH valid]

“no penguin has ever been hot. As soon as they put on the jersey the hotness evaporates. Tragic.” [wow look at all that truth right there]

“as a heterosexual i chose letang, and as a flyers fan i choose the penguin mascot” [lmao girl letang is not the answer either]

St. Louis Blues

Colton Parayko (67.11%--151 of 225 votes)

Alex Pietrangelo (17.33%--39 of 225 votes)

Other* (8%--18 of 225 votes)

Ryan O’Reilly (7.56%--17 of 225 votes)

*= Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

“this [’other’] box shouldn’t exist there are no valid arguments against the angel colton parayko” [tru, but the blues have other hotties so I made the box to be fair to those of us who don’t like Big Blonde Sexies]

“uh valid i guess? idk any of the blues lmao” [LMAOOO I think they meant Vladdy, but “valid” cracked me up]

“ROR can lay me down” [ur so valid lmao]

Buffalo Sabres

Jeff Skinner (60.18%--136 of 226 votes)

Rasmus Ristolainen (17.26%--39 of 226 votes)

Other* (14.16%--32 of 226 votes)

Jack Eichel (8.41%--19 of 226 votes)

*= Inconclusive results. [Y’all big mad that I put Skinner on here. HE’S HOT!]

Write-ins

“Idk but not these lmao” [*instert that gif of the kardashians like “DON’T BE FUCKING RUDE”*]

“Why is Jeff Skinner an option he looks 12″ [who else tho sis. I looked at the roster!]

“If anyone says eichel i will come to their house and steal their toothbrushes. Its conor sheary.” [I took my own survey and picked Eichs but I still have my toothbrush so I guess......... I’m right.]

Bonus:

“Rasmus Ristolainen kinda looks like a creepy half-alive Ken doll, but I'll stand by my choice. Hire an exorcist.” [JDFKHRFWEH GIRL]

“They lost their only cute player when O’Reilly got traded sorry” [boom. roasted]

Vancouver Canucks

Brock Boeser (67.56%--152 of 225 votes)

Other* (13.78%--31 of 225 votes)

Jake Virtanen (12.44%--28 of 225 votes)

Ben Hutton (6.22%--14 of 225 votes)

*=Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

“[about Jake Virtanen] all that ass...........” [sjdkfhdkfhdkhfi yeah]

“the city of vancouver” [?????????????????????]

“I keep forgetting that the canucks actually exist” [I’m reasonably sure this is annie lmfao]

Bonus

“I don’t know how any of this team looks either” [idk if I follow Nucks blogs or what but how do u not know Boeser???]

“i don't care enough about this team to even attempt to answer” [this is my brain @ me on the last 5 questions of an exam]

New York Islanders

Mat Barzal (67.69%--155 of 229 votes)

Tito Beauvillier (14.85%--34 of 229 votes)

Jordan Eberle (10.48%--24 of 229 votes)

Other* (6.99%--16 of 229 votes)

*=Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

“you say put full names but then u go and say tito??” [LISTEN I was tired at this point and forgot that I was trying to be at least a little bit professional about my thirst survey alright? yeesh]

“Its Matt Martin my dude” [LMAO u funny]

“idk how anyone pays attention to mat when tito is always there looking better barzal looks like every attractive jock ive ever met and i dont trust that”

Calgary Flames

Noah Hanifin (37.95%--85 of 224 votes)

Elias Lindholm (32.59%--73 of 224 votes)

Matthew Tkachuk (20.54%--46 of 224 votes)

Other* (8.93%--20 of 224 votes)

*= Sean Monahan wins 4th hottest.

Write-ins

“[Hanifin] looks like the bad guy in a teen movie. the guy the Main Girl is dating in the beginning but is a real dick to her. you look at him and you KNOW he has a trust fund and votes republican. god he's so hot though” [hanny......... yeah.... yeah....]

“Why do I find Tkachuk attractive? I don't know but I love him” [me too]

“James 'The Real Deal' Neal” [lol I got this answer multiple times]

Washington Capitals

Tom Wilson (31.33%--73 of 233 votes)

Andre Burakovsky (29.18--68 of 233 votes)

Braden Holtby (24.03%--56 of 233 votes)

Other* (15.45%--36 of 233 votes)

*= Michal Kempny and Nicklas Backstrom tied for fourth hottest.

Write-ins

“literally no one, i s2g if i see anyone say ovi is attractive..... jfc god help them” [.... but ovi is dad-hot, also he got 3 votes]

“YOUR STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS! Everyone btw just a hot team of hot ugly men and Tom Wilson” [kskdjskdjksks]

“my sweaty swedish sweetheart; Nicklas Backstrom” [I’m too illiterate to read this right the first time thru lol]

Colorado Avalanche

Gabe Landeskog ( 55.95%--127 of 227 votes)

Other* (22.47%--51 of 227 votes)

Erik “Horsegirl” Johnson (14.1%--32 of 227 votes)

Mikko Rantanen (7.49%--17 of 227 votes)

*= Tyson Barrie won by more than double of all the other write-ins, but honorable mentions go to Nate MacK, Colin Wilson, Tyson Jost, Phillip Grubauer, and The Avs Tumblr People.

Write-ins - I (jokingly) got called bitch so much in these write-ins, y’all feel some type of WAY about this team lmfao.

“but also the tysons. i would buy a whole farm just so those boys could plow me into the ground.” [i’m SCREECHING. this killed me lol]

“only attractive b/c of his proximity to horses? maybe so.” [.... girl what]

Okay, so instead of a third quote, cause I couldn’t pick, I’m gonna put all the other funny EJ comments I was contemplating:

“ej is soooo ugly in the hottest way possible”

“erik "big horny" johnson”

“oh my god Ej was included for once I'm weeping tears of joy”

“What that mouth do EJ?”

New Jersey Devils

Miles Wood (36.12%--82 of 227 votes)

Taylor Hall (33.48%--76 of 227 votes)

Brian Boyle (19.82%--45 of 227 votes)

Other* (10.57%--24 of 227 votes)

*= Nico Hischier with the majority of the write-ins, even tho he’s still a CHILD (under 20).

Write-ins, aka Mostly Taylor Hall Commentary.

“Does Michael McLeod count” [YES girl i love that boy]

“Gucciiiiiii”

“DSL GUCCI”

“Nico Hischier (Taylor Hall I still love you)”

“i chose taylor and i don’t even need a gucci purse”

“If Taylor Hall gave me a Gucci purse I'd vote for him”

“catch me w/ a gucci purse, girl!!!! for real tho miles wood”

Dallas Stars

DISCLAIMER: I mean no disrespect to Katie, she’s fab and I made this survey a month or so ago. If you don’t know what I mean by this--do not ask me, I will delete the message. Thank you!

Tyler Seguin (46.96%--108 of 230 votes)

Katie Hoaldridge (im gay) (35.22%--81 of 230 votes)

Other* (13.91%--32 of 230 votes)

Stephen Johns (3.91%--9 of 230 votes)

*= Jamie Benn.

Write-ins

“tyler seguin has no upper lip” [I screamed, not exaggerating]

“You have to choose [Seguin] but I do so under duress”

“Im gay too” [hell yeah, this is a mlm and wlw friendly survey!]

Edmonton Oilers

Jujhar Khaira (28.57%--64 of 224 votes)

Other* (27.68%--62 of 224 votes)

Contract McMoney (he is hot) (25.89%--58 of 224 votes)

Darnell Nurse (17.86%--40 of 224 votes)

*= Leon Draisaitl won by more than 5 times anyone elses write-in lmao.

Write-ins ft. “The Draisaitl Quotes”

“McMoney’s money- just his money” [lmao ok sammie, HE’S HOT!]

“cannot mcwingames went off in the gq shoot i admit” [*annie voice* OHMYGOD]

“He’s [Khaira] like a romance novel cover like, f me” [tru]

Drai Quotes

“Drai but like lucic cause Momma needs a man that could kill me” [HDGFDHDGFHDH]

“leon dreisetl (is that his name, is this how you spell it?)”

“Leon Draisaitl and his contract that he doesn't deserve” [backhanded compliment lmao]

“the one w the longass name. dry saitl or whatever” [girl. lmfao]

Winnipeg Jets

Jets/laine fans are funny so I’m adding all the funniest ones instead of just 3 or 5. Sorryyyyyy I’m here to entertain.

Blake Wheeler (44.04%--96 of 218 votes)

Mathieu Perreault (but specifically in his newest headshot) (21.56%--47 of 218 votes)

Other* (19.27%--42 of 218 votes)

Connor Hellebuyck (15.14%--33 of 218 votes)

*= Patrik Laine, even tho I said NOT TO, demons.

Write-ins

“Their logo so I can fly away from this stupid team”

“Nobody but I just needed to point out Connor Hellebuyck looks like a stage magician and that is Not Hot” [i respectfully disagree with the last bit but the first parts made me snort]

“I don't know who windy pegg is”

“Boeing 747″ [sjdjsljlshgdu]

“they’re all second to jacob trouba’s dog Donnie”

“Patty Laine, but like, without the demon beard”

“Let me live my life! Laine has a good voice and i have a LANGUAGE KINK!”

“Laine WITH the beard because I don't fear death”

“Sorry, Laine but only with his beard” [I love the halfhearted apology]

“Goatboi”

“ALL HAIL THE GOAT DEVIL”

“laine come at me bitch lol” [denny’s parking lot. 3 am. be there.]

“laine looks like a goat”

“Laine’s Beard”

“LAINE I like the beard but hockey Satan is good to hellebuyck” [I really felt like I was tripping balls while reading all these but, ESPECIALLY this one lmfao]

Arizona Coyotes

Oliver Ekman-Larsson (30.32%--67 of 221 votes)

Jakob Chychrun (28.05%--62 of 221 votes)

Dylan Strome (26.24%--58 of 221 votes)

Other* (15.38%--34 of 221 votes)

*= Alex Galchenyuk, with the majority of the votes.

Write-ins

“pls date me Chych” [annie, that’s my BF!]

“ 🐼 there is no raccoon emoji >:(”

“[Chychrun] [a]lso has a vampire quality but like trust fund baby vampire who has no morals. I’m...into it??”

Honorable mentions: The 2 people who put Biz lmaoooo I love yall.

Carolina Hurricanes

Andrei Svechnikov [he’s a baby but I didn’t know who elseeee] (38.29%--85 of 222 votes)

Haydn Fleury (35.59%--79 of 222 votes)

Other* (15.77%--35 of 222 votes)

Dougie Hamilton (10.36%--23 of 222 votes)

*= Sebastian Aho wins the write-in vote [he ain’t it!]

Write-ins

“Justin Faulk (I’m old so svechnikov is out)” [ugh ur right I didn’t make this more inclusive to people not my age, i’m (genuinely) sorry!!!]

“Formerly Eric ‘the hottest Staal' Staal” [only on the cane’s write-in would I have this happen...]

“[Jordan] staal terrifies me but that's hot” [true!]

San Jose Sharks

Erik Karlsson (70.04%--159 of 227 votes)

Martin Jones (17.62%-- 40 of 227 votes)

Other* (11.01%--25 of 227 votes)

Justin Braun (idk) (1.32%--3 of 227 votes)

*= Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

“Daddy shark (doo doo doo)” [just so yall know this is, of course, annie, as in anzekopistar, an actual demon, she’s talking about Erik Karlsson :)]

“Brent Burns, you know im right” [are you tho?]

“Okay sometimes I have needs I think Joe Thorton sans beard could fill” [this is why joe shaved. he felt this person in the universe wanting him to, so he did, wow thank u joe]

Ottawa Senators (lol)

Matt Duchene (33.63%--75 of 223 votes)

The entire team (cause they’re a dumpster fire) (30.94%-- 69 [it’s that tkachuk fuckboi energy] of 223 votes)

Other (there are none)* (22.87%--51 of 223 votes)

Spartacat (12.56%--28 of 223 votes)

*= Inconclusive results (because a lot of you took my “there are none” joke a little too seriously and just chose that, no write-in lmao)

Write-ins

“[about Duchene] he's traitorous but it's like that sometimes i guess” [sjdhdjfhkdhf girl it’s okay.]

“.... we're a team“ [i-]

“the senator on their jerseys is p cute ig”

Bonus:

“oh so spartacat is an option but not gritty huh” [LISTEN the flyers are a HOT team, the sens are NOT. that’s why lmao]

“Just based on headshots I’m going with Ben Sexton like also how do you go wrong with that name”

Tampa Bay Lightning

Brayden Point (55.25%--121 of 219 votes)

Other* (22.83%--50 of 219 votes)

Mitchell Stephens (11.87%--26 of 219 votes)

Steve Yzerman (10.05%--22 of 219 votes)

*= Inconclusive results. Although there were a lot of responses none of them added up significantly sooo....

Write-ins

“am i the only one who thinks stevie y was a bit of a twink when he was younger?” [jdhslihdalskdjefh]

“Worst team in the league i hate them and theyre all hideous” [u sure bout that, bud?]

“Stamkos (I love his tiny eyes)” [????]

Florida Panthers

Aaron Ekblad (71.75%--160 of 223 votes)

Aleksander Barkov [r yall ok???] (11.66%--26 of 223 votes)

Other* (10.31%--23 of 223 votes)

Vincent Trocheck (6.28%--14 of 223 votes)

*= Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

“who are the panthers” [sometimes a team is a dog captain, a(n extremely hot) 27-year-old lawyer, and not owen tippett because the panthers hate me specifically]

“Roberto Luongo during Parkland speech” [... valid]

“barkov is literally the only player i know on this team” [shey would be happy to teach u about the panthers!]

Anaheim Ducks

Adam Henrique (52.47%--117 of 223 votes)

No one else (29.6%--66 of 223 votes)

Other* (10.76%--24 of 223 votes)

John Gibson (7.17%--16 of 223 votes)

*=Inconclusive results.

Write-ins-Ducks fans don’t @ me but i’m pretty sure half of these were submitted by y’all anyways....

“if i look @ anyone on the ducks roster for more than 5 seconds i BLACK OUT” [KSHDGJDHSKH Adam tho....]

“Quack Quack go lay your eggs somewhere else you feathered FUCKS” [sjdjfhdjsksj]

“legal 2 say kesler?” [no. go to jail]

Bonus

“Henrique is fine I have no qualms about your selections” [thnk u]

“jared coreau!!! GOOGLE HIM i’m right” [I said this, and we’ve talked, but I need people to know that I, after seeing this, subsequently found out that the Wings didn’t sign coreau back this offszn lmao]

Nashville Predators

Roman Josi (39.39%--91 of 231 votes)

PK Subban (37.66%--87 of 231 votes)

Kevin Fiala (13.42%--31 of 231 votes)

Other* (9.52%--22 of 231 votes)

*= Pekka Rinne for 4th hottest. [My mom loves him for his name lol. she says it’s “fun”]

Write-ins

“pk wears cool hats. I like that in a man”

“I don't find any of them hot (Josi used too be hot and then I learned he was illiterate and now I feel nothing but pity towards him)” [GIRL]

“preds are also ugly. pk subban would be attractive if he werent a pred” [lmao. what’d they do to u ?]

Columbus Blue Jackets

Pierre-Luc Dubois (50.22%--113 of 225 votes)

Zach Werenski (20.44%--46 of 225 votes)

Josh Anderson (16.89%--38 of 225 votes)

Other* (12.44%--28 of 225 votes)

*= Alex Wennberg is 4th hottest [lmao]

Write-ins

“Can I put werenskie and Anthony Duclair” [valid]

“Just to be clear CBJ is by far the hottest team exemplified by the fact that you left Seth Jones and Alexander Wenneberg off this list when they're like top 20 in hotness. Also Nick Foligino wins if we include looks and personality.” [I didn’t include them cause this is a mix of hot and ugly hot fam, the avs are 100% the hottest team in the NHL, and that’s coming from me, a Wings fan, destined to hate the Avs for my entire life. Also???? The hotter Foligno is def Marcus lmao]

“[About Werenski] only with the scar though otherwise seth jones” [GIRL scars don’t disappear??? WDYM only with the scar??? Are you a time traveler??? lmfaooo]

Minnesota Wild

J.T. Brown (46.46%--105 of 226 votes)

Other* (21.68%--49 of 226 votes)

Eric Staal (20.80%--47 of 226 votes)

Jason Zucker (11.06%--25 of 226 votes)

*= Charlie Coyle. Honorable mentions to Zach Parise and Matt Dumba.

Write-ins

“Charlie Coyle man! V hot, could kill you, gently waves at babies, 10/10″ [exactly my type! wow]

“ Not JT[,] Lexi is the hottest[,] Eric Staal from a few years ago is also hot” [I added commas to your thing cause.... girl it took me a sec to understand what u were tryna say. But also ur right it’s Lexi.]

“love a #wokebae jt” [yaaas]

FINALLY this legit took me like 10+ hours of work cause I had to transcribe all the info cohesively and then go thru all the responses lmao.

Vegas Golden Knights

William Karlsson (40.52%--94 of 232 votes)

Marc-Andre Fleury (30.60%--71 of 232 votes)

Max Pacioretty (16.81%--39 of 232 votes)

Other* (12.07%--28 of 232 votes)

*= Inconclusive results.

Write-ins

“[Karlsson] because he looks like young Bill from Mamma Mia” [shfhdjdhf girl]

“fleury isn't hot you absolute monster” [???????? drink ur bitterness tea somewhere else pls]

“let's find out just how wild this boy is” [pftd dtduftdhjfgdjfghdjf]

Bonus/Honorable mentions:

The TWO people who put “colin miller’s eyelashes” lmfaoooo

Alrighty this is The End! If you’d like to see another survey by me let me know in my messages/ask!!! Also sorry for stealing de la Rose from u, habs fans

#pkane tw #arizona coyotes #anaheim ducks #buffalo sabres #boston bruins #calgary flames #detroit red wings #philadelphia flyers #dallas stars #toronto maple leafs #pittsburgh penguins #new york rangers #new york islanders #carolina hurricanes #washington capitals #colorado avalanche #edmonton oilers #winnipeg jets

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bylillian · 6 years

Link

House Republican leaders removed Representative Steve King of Iowa from the Judiciary and Agriculture Committees on Monday night as party officials scrambled to appear tough on racism and contain damage from comments Mr. King made to The New York Times questioning why white supremacy is considered offensive.

The punishment came on a day when Mr. King was denounced by an array of Republican leaders, though not President Trump. The Senate majority leader, Mitch McConnell, suggested Mr. King find “another line of work” and Senator Mitt Romney said he should quit. And the House Republicans, in an attempt to be proactive, stripped him of the committee seats in the face of multiple Democratic resolutions to censure Mr. King that are being introduced this week.

Those measures would force Republicans to take a stand on the House Democratic majority’s attempt to publicly reprimand one of their own.

Mr. King, who has been an ally of President Trump on the border wall and other issues, has a long history of making racist remarks and insults about immigrants, but has not drawn rebukes from Republican leaders until recently. In November, top Iowa Republicans like Senator Charles E. Grassley endorsed Mr. King for re-election even after one House Republican official came out and denounced him as a white supremacist.

But in an interview with The Times published last week, Mr. King said: “White nationalist, white supremacist, Western civilization — how did that language become offensive?”

Speaking to reporters on Monday night after the House Republican leadership team acted, Representative Kevin McCarthy of California, the minority leader, said he was not ruling out supporting a censure or reprimand resolution against Mr. King. He said the Republicans are not removing Mr. King from the G.O.P. House conference itself, so he can still attend its party meetings, and it was up to Iowans whether Mr. King should stay in office.

“This is not the first time we’ve heard these comments,” Mr. McCarthy said of Mr. King, an acknowledgment of the racist language the congressman has used before. “That is not the party of Lincoln and it’s definitely not American.”

Mr. McCarthy, who conferred privately with Mr. King for an hour before the vote, did not say why the most recent comments were a breaking point given Mr. King’s long public record of similar remarks. “Maybe I did not see those, but I disagree with these.”

The full Republican conference must still technically ratify the leader’s decision, but Mr. McCarthy presented the matter as closed.

Mr. King remained defiant after losing his committee seats, releasing a long statement insisting that his comments in the Times article had been misunderstood. He said he had been referring only to “western civilization” when he asked “how did that language become offensive,” not “white nationalist” or “white supremacist.”

“Leader McCarthy’s decision to remove me from committees is a political decision that ignores the truth,” he said.

He said he told Mr. McCarthy, “You have to do what you have to do and I will do what I have to do.” He pledged to continue to “point out the truth” and serve his district for “at least the next two years.”

The push to condemn Mr. King illustrated how alarmed senior Republicans are about the party’s image just two months after they lost 40 House seats, most of them in suburban or diverse districts — including seven in Mr. McCarthy’s home state of California, where the G.O.P. is on the brink of extinction.

The condemnations of Mr. King stood in stark contrast to the lawmakers’ willingness to tolerate President Trump’s frequent offensive and insensitive remarks about migrants, black people, Native Americans and others minorities.

Just last week, the president used the Oval Office to unleash a blistering assault on undocumented immigrants, portraying them as criminals in a fashion that harkened back to an earlier era of American politics but rarely heard from a president in modern times. And on Sunday night, Mr. Trump invoked the Wounded Knee massacre of hundreds of Native Americans as an attempt to joke about Senator Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts.

“I’m glad that they are finally taking action after all of these years of Steve King slandering immigrants and Hispanics, but the president of the United States is also doing that and he just said something about Elizabeth Warren a few evenings ago that was also racially ugly and we haven’t heard a word of condemnation from anyone in the Republican Party about that,” said Representative Joaquin Castro, Democrat of Texas.

Congressional Republicans have continued to embrace the president and his hard-line immigration politics, averting their gaze from his inflammatory rhetoric out of fear their core voters will punish them if they stray from Mr. Trump.

The president, when asked by reporters on Monday about Mr. King’s remarks, said, “I haven’t been following it.”

Republicans are now trying to get ahead of a fast-moving political problem while the country is in the midst of a lengthy government shutdown over a border wall by President Trump, who in many ways patterned his immigration policies and rhetoric on those of Mr. King.

Mr. McCarthy called a special meeting of the Republican Steering Committee to remove Mr. King from Judiciary — which has jurisdiction over immigration, voting rights and impeachment — and Agriculture, which is a prized committee for Iowans. Mr. King also lost his seat on the Small Business Committee. The steering committee vote was unanimous.

While Republican officials quickly turned on Mr. King, the party also came in for criticism from the Senate’s lone black Republican, Senator Tim Scott of South Carolina. He noted that the G.O.P. has long remained silent in the face of racist comments.

“Some in our party wonder why Republicans are constantly accused of racism — it is because of our silence when things like this are said,” Mr. Scott wrote in a Washington Post opinion column.

It is not clear what, if any, additional steps congressional Republican leaders will take with Mr. King. The National Republican Congressional Committee indicated Monday that they were not ready to step away from him.

“The N.R.C.C. does not get involved in primaries and isn’t going to comment on a hypothetical general election two years away,” said Chris Pack, a spokesman for the House campaign arm.

Democrats are moving to censure or reprimand the Iowa congressman, a stinging penalty. Among them were Representative James Clyburn of South Carolina, the highest ranking African-American in Congress, who introduced a measure Monday night in the form of a resolution of disapproval of Mr. King’s comments and white nationalism.

Democratic leaders in the House have yet to say what they will do with the competing censure resolutions, but are inclined to allow a vote of some sort related to Mr. King’s remarks, according to one senior Democratic aide.

In the interview with The Times, Mr. King also reflected on the record number of minorities and women in the new Democratic-controlled House. “You could look over there and think the Democratic Party is no country for white men,” he said.

Mr. King’s hard-line immigration policies and demeaning comments about Hispanics foreshadowed Mr. Trump’s nativist rhetoric in his 2016 campaign, in his two years in the White House and during the government shutdown over a border wall. The president once boasted to Mr. King that he raised more money for him than anyone else, Mr. King recalled in the Times article, which traced how the Iowa congressman helped write the playbook for white identity politics that dominate the Republican Party under Mr. Trump.

He has already drawn one serious primary opponent, state senator Randy Feenstra, for the 2020 campaign and some high-profile Republicans have indicated they will not embrace his re-election.

“It does open the door for other individuals to take a look,” Gov. Kim Reynolds of Iowa said in a television interview last week of Mr. King’s closer-than-expected victory last year.

Ms. Reynolds said she was staying out of the primary “right now,” but multiple Iowa Republicans said the state’s senior elected officials were unlikely to endorse Mr. King again and would wait until there is more clarity in the primary field before rallying to one of his G.O.P. challengers. Other Western Iowa Republicans are expected to challenge Mr. King, who has fended off primaries before but did so with the support of his party and its top leaders.

In addition to Ms. Reynolds’s criticism, Iowa Republican chair Jeff Kaufmann said the state party would “remain neutral” in Mr. King’s primary.

Also, Iowa’s two Republican senators, Mr. Grassley and Joni Ernst, along with Senator Ted Cruz of Texas, who had appointed Mr. King a co-chairman of his 2016 presidential campaign, all rebuked Mr. King in recent days.

All had eagerly embraced him in the past because of his standing with the state’s most conservative voters — keys to winning statewide elections in Iowa, which holds the first-in-the-nation presidential nominating contest.

Mr. Grassley had endorsed Mr. King in November for re-election, even after the chairman of the House Republican election committee denounced Mr. King as a white supremacist.

“Iowa needs Steve King in Congress,” Mr. Grassley said in that endorsement. “I also need Steve King in Congress.”

Ms. Ernst, who faces re-election in 2020, appeared with Mr. King at a rallyin his district the Monday before Election Day last year, after he had endorsed a Toronto mayoral candidate with neo-Nazi ties.

#iowa #steve king #nazis suck

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crazypercheron · 6 years

Text

The Haunted Manse

The Haunted Manse Part 1: The Ordinary Home

Chapter 4

Unlike the small group of Floral Estate employees and friends that had participated in the tour last night, this group was more numerous. Apparently it had members from nearby ghost and paranormal hunting groups, no doubt to see if this tour really does have paranormal activities that the cemetery once claimed it had before announcing it fully to the public.

But from what Wren had overheard one of the ghost hunters saying in conversation, the last time all of the ghostly hauntings had occurred was over 50 years ago. Could it just be that technology made it harder for teenage pranksters to pull practical jokes on unsuspecting visitors. Or maybe there are still spiritual energies lingering on this hallowed ground.

She stood outside her work van, arms crossed as she kept an eye on a particular group of people; a pair of ghost hunters and a cliche of teenage boys. As the ghost hunters were testing out their equipment in the parking lot, their electronic magnet sensor- or whatever it is they called it- was going off wildly despite the multiple number of times they had resetted it.

"Hey, have you tried turning it off and on again?" taunted one of the young boys who elicited a chuckle from his group. They looked no older than 25.

The pair tried to ignore them, but still the radar screeched yet again as they turned it back on. The batteries were just replaced with a fresh set so of course this got another round of howling laughter from the teenagers. "Maybe that security guard is a ghost, have you checked her yet?" another boy managed to ask. He then turned to a third boy, "Hey, Frank! Film this! We may have a full body apparition here!"

Well, they're not entirely wrong, Wren worriedly thought as she shifted uneasily in her place. She can only hope they dare not get close to her van or ask questions about it.

"Do you guys not have, like, a skateboard stunt to film or something?" the female ghost hunter finally critizited. That got a collection of 'oohs' from the guys.

"Hey, it's not our fault we're so fly, your radar is backing out in shame!" exclaimed Frank, or Wren can only guess is Frank since he was laden with a bag full of batteries and held a camera in his hand.

The lady retorted, "At least our equipment made it to work unlike yours that got cold feet and stayed home!" The boys now 'oohed' Frank at the return the ghost hunter gave him.

"Guys, guys settle down!" Wren piped up before someone started a fight and honestly, she wasn't in the mood to start writing reports.

"Ooh, look at this, the rent-a-cop ghost wants us to stop!"

"Yes, that's right," Wren affirmed, crossing her arms, "I would like for you guys to do so. You're going to annoy the neighbors and if I see so much as one cop car showing up to a report of a noise complaint, I'm sending them your way."

The first teen tried to approach her in a menacing way that Wren didn't like at all. "Is that a threat, pig?"

Wren gulped, hearing the van behind her move just a bit, but it seems that the teen took no notice. "To kick you out, yes. Now come on, I'm giving you a chance to behave. After all, you guys are here to have a good time, you're not here to be screwing around."

The teen was about to say something, but luckily one of his friends came over and pulled him back by his shoulder. "Hey man, leave it alone. We still need this graveyard content for our channel."

Of course, UViewers, why wasn't Wren surprised?

"Fine. . . We'll 'behave' then, pig," he kept emphasising, in hopes of getting a reaction from her. It boiled her blood to hear such insults, of course, but she knew better to hold herself, especially since Frank stood nearby with the video camera recording the confrontation. Seeing that he was getting no response from the security guard, the lead boy finally turned away. "Come on, maybe we'll see if that crazy guy shows up again," he decided, walking away and leading his three friends over to where the tour was meeting at.

The confusion must have been evident on her face, because Wren was approached by the pair of Ghost Hunters they had been antagonizing. "Those boys, honestly. If I were him, I'd chase them out with a shovel too." the male ghost hunter said out loud.

"Are they talking about the butler?" confirmed Wren, glancing a questioning look up at the man.

He nodded as his female partner spoke up, "Yeah. They are self-proclaimed 'Urban Explorers', but all they do is just slander the name and make the real explorers look bad by making up crazy stories and trashing the place up sometimes."

Wren started to feel anger rising at the thought. Granted, she never thought to film any of the locations she been to, but she understood the mysterious nature of exploring old abandoned buildings since she used to explore old properties back in Jalisco where her grandparents came from. But still, a question crossed her mind. "Wait, everyone in the city knows that house isn't abandoned, there's still care takers watching over it, so why are they heckling Mr. Davis?"

They both blinked, even exchanging looks with each other before turning their attention back to her. The woman cautiously inquired, "You're . . . not from around here, huh?" Wren nodded. "Well, that property the house is sitting on is so old, historians cannot agree when it was settled. Some claim that a home -not necessarily this version- had been built on that land since even before the town of Canson was thought up as an idea. Others just say it's been recently cursed by the murdered husband of the last owner of that home. Anyways, years ago, people have swore up and down the road that the ghosts they saw wandering around Canson Cemetery have came from that home."

She gave a shrug as she continued, "So naturally, everyone has been trying to get into that mansion to see if it's true, even if it means trespassing and those boys, the Harbor Squad, are no exception. In fact, they even posted a video this afternoon on their UView Channel about this-" she wrung her hand in the air, " -crazy theory that the butler had something to do with the accident at Newport Beach."

Wren raised an eyebrow, perplexed. "Come on, really? Mr. Davis?"

"Oh yes," the man confirmed, "They have accused him indeed. It certainly doesn't help that Mr. Davis was quite against the building- well, let me back up- he wasn't too against building a museum, he was however vocal about the close proximity to that Newport Beach Cemetery. He even said it will disturb the spirits who rest there. Of course, now after today's incident of the crane breaking and dropping those beams on the cemetery, it looks like he might have been right all along."

"But that goes without saying, there's some people, like those boys, that adamantly claim that Mr. Davis tampered with the equipment and that's why the crane failed, to prove his point."

"Wouldn't they have security cameras?"

"Oh, they do. And they saw nothing on the security footage so they are looking into the machines itself to see where it broke. We both don't believe that it was Mr. Davis that did it. It could have been a simple freak accident is all. Anyways, I'm Tom and this is my sister, Ann," introduced Tom, "You know anything about this tour?"

"Honestly no, I haven't taken it myself yet," she replied, sweeping a hand at the parking lot, "I'm just here for security and to watch the cars. . . and to make sure people don't do things they shouldn't be doing." Wren added, rolling her eyes.

"Oh," Ann said, "Well, even if we don't see anything on the tour, I know we will learn some history of the residents here at Canson. I heard that Lisa is a really good town historian, so I'm excited to see how well she does as a ghost tour guide."

"Same, now-uh . . ." Tom squinted to read Wren's nametape. "Songbird? Unique name."

The guard chuckled, "Right? And here's the real kick, my dad named me 'Wren' too."

The two ghost hunters burst out laughing, taking them a while to compose themselves. Before Tom could ask her what he had on his mind, Wren's radio suddenly buzzed to life. "Security staff, this is Lisa! I just watched about four people jump the fence to the mansion!"

Those damn kids. Wren keyed her mic, "This is Songbird, I'm on my way over. Dale, go to the front and make sure they leave there. Jeff, report to Canson eastside!"

"Copy," Jeff replied, the revving of his truck engine was heard over the radio, confirming that it was indeed the truck roaring in the distance, "Responding from Lotus Lawn in 2."

The guard quickly apologized to Tom and Ann as she jumped into her own van and quickly took off through the parking lot, the whole time uttering explicative to herself. Foxy barely held on to the the passenger seat in from of him as the van lurched forward, swinging around his hand to grip on the seat instead of using his hook to damage the company vehicle. Racing to the other end of the lot to catch up to the boys she knew was the Harbor Squad, the van tore past the tour guide Lisa as she pointed out which wall the teenagers had jumped over. Wren finally slammed on the brakes, the van came to a screeching halt and pulled up the E brake on her van. She glanced up at the wall as she reached up to her radio mic again, ignoring the look of displeasure from the robot fox who had just slammed into the passenger seat from the sudden deceleration.

"Dispatch, can you get the sheriffs to roll in-" In mid-broadcast, Wren was interrupted by the sound of yelling. She poked her head out the window, this time hearing that the sound was coming from the other side of the wall. No sooner had she stepped out of her van, and as the tour guide and her small group of ghost hunters got closer to watch, the Harbor Squad was literally scrambling and throwing themselves over the brick wall to get away from the yard. They even toppled over each other as they crashed back onto Canson Cemetery property once again.

A bright flashlight beam shone on the teens. "Don't move!" barked Jeff, shining not only his flashlight at them, but Wren realized that he also had his taser out and aimed at them. "Don't you guys dare freaking move or I'll taze you!"

"Whoa-whoa-whoa! Hold it there Jeff!" Wren protested, but secretly she was grateful that he was there regardless.

"Hey man! That crazy old man almost killed us with a shovel!" the apparent leader of the ragtale group cried out, "Get the police, I want him arrested for assault with a deadly weapon!"

"Oh sit back down!" Jeff retorted, "You're not in any place to be making police reports!"

The second teen yelled back, "We were just recording video of the cemetery! He didn't need to try to kill us!"

"So you do admit to trespassing on private property?" The tour guide pointed out, placing her hands on her hips as she leered at the Harbor Squad. Now the teens couldn't help but stammer, trying to find the right words to get them out of the guilt they unwittingly admitted.

As Frank was about to come up with his excuse, a flood light suddenly shone on the gathering crowd, causing them to all turn to look at where the source was coming from. There sat a Secret County Sheriff patrol car, along with two officers that stepped out of the car. While the passenger officer was a middle-age man dressed in the tactical version of the Secret County uniform with cargo pockets and a loaded plate carrier, the driver was dressed in his regular uniform, with a blue neck tie and surprisingly a 10 gallon cowboy hat sat atop his greying head.

"Alright, everyone settle down," the driver of the patrol car casually announced, leisurely strolling over to the group, "What seems to be the problem?" The elder officer glanced at Jeff. "Easy there, son. You can put that away, we got a handle here." He paused for a second, "In fact, why don't you start us off? Tell me, what happened here, son?"

Jeff obeyed and holstered his his taser. "I was just detaining them. My coworker here Songbird was the first to respond."

"Really?" the officer looked over at her as Jeff gestured towards her, "Well, alright young lady, what happened here?"

Wren nervously looked around and turned her attention to the deputy, trying to ignore the stares of the others. "Well sir, you see, I was at my post right there in the parking lot. Our company, Floral Estates, is doing a test run of sorts for a new ghost tour, and these four suspects-"

"Suspects?!" bellowed the teen leader, looking offended that she dare described them as such, "We were victims of that mad man!-"

The kid was silenced when the deputy raised his hand up. "Easy now son, we'll get to your side of the story in jus' a bit. Go on, Ms. Songbird."

"Right, uh," Wren fidgeted in one spot, "So they were being rowdy in the parking lot when they got here and bullying two ghost hunters. When I walked up to confront them, they all left so I thought they were going over to the tour meeting spot, but then our tour guide, Lisa, notified us on the radio that she watched them jump the wall, so I coordinated with my coworkers to help me find them." She took a glance at the boys and could see they where still leering daggers at her. "Then as I pulled up, I heard screaming and watched as they jumped over the fence -in a mad panic might I add- back here onto Canson. And now they want to file assault charges against Mr. Davis."

"Hmm, that so? And uh, Ms. Songbird, if I’m not mistaken those cameras up thar' would have caught everything they did, right?" the deputy asked. Without even looking at the direction, he accurately pointed up to the light post sitting just off to the side, a security camera aimed right at the group.

The boys were paling, realizing now that they would not be able to lie their way out of this. "Please, officer, we mean no harm. We-we were just trying to film a video, it wasn't like we were going to rob the place! Even Frank recorded that crazy man chasing us and-and we did nuthin’ to provoke him!" the leader tried pleading with the officer.

The deputy scoffed, tipping the brim of his hat up to get a good look at the boys. "Son, you're in Secret County, if there's a trespasser on his property, he actually had every right to shoot you young 'uns where you stood! You boys are lucky to get off with being chased away." Then he shrugged, "But I'll let you humor me. Go ahead and show me this video you recorded and I'll decide what to do."

"Ye-yeah Frank! show him how he tried to attack us!" the second teen urged the camera boy, nudging him in his ribs to force him to get up faster. So Frank stood up and went over to the two deputies. Wren could hear him start the video from the beginning. He tried vainly to fast-forward the beginning, but clearly, the guard could hear that they were conspiring to try to enter the mansion. She glanced up to read the faces of the officers, but they both seemed unfazed, continuing to watch the camera screen. Frank then played it at normal speed the part where the boys had begun to climb the wall, then suddenly silence.

Panic started to cross Frank's face as he replayed the video, allowing it to play at normal speed this time. "I-I swear sir," he gulped loudly, trying to talk over the audio, "I thought I was filming it!" The video stopped once again in the same spot. Desperately, he flipped through other videos in the camera's memory card in an attempt to find the suppose film of the attack, but he was unable to procure the film.

"Well, it's OK son," the deputy placed his large, wrinkled hand on Frank's shoulder, "you probably ran out of film, it happens all the time."

"But- but it's a fresh memory card-"

"However," he continued, smoothing his mustache down with his other hand in thought, "if you tried to show that you boys clearly intended on breaking and entering the property to the judge, then she may have to go ahead and charge you with-well- breaking an' entering. Now, none of you good boys want that on yer record, now do you?"

All the boys faces dropped in fear. Suddenly the second deputy spoke, unlike the elder deputy, his voice was stern and cold. "Lucky for you four, Mr. Davis doesn't like to press charges. So I suggest you all go straight home and don't come back to the house or even to the cemetery." He took a step towards the other 3 members of the Harbor Squad. Menacing looking down at them. "If we catch you pulling this stunt again, I'm going to charge you all with trespassing, is that understood?"

The teens all turn to look at Frank, giving him dirty looks as if they were accusing him of daring to betray Harbor Squad. The lead boy got up, tugging at his jacket to straight the fabric out. "Understood, sir. We'll leave right away. Come on guys."

The onlooking paranormal hunters quickly parted a path for the Harbor Squad to get back to their vehicle, the tactical deputy walking behind them to make sure all four got to their cars without vandalizing the property along the way. "Well folks," the elder deputy started, turning to look at the rest of the crowd, "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"We're good, sir," Wren answered, "Thank you so much for coming quickly."

"Anytime, hope you folks get to see a lot of ghosts on your tour there." He gave them a wave and got into his patrol car, driving over to pick his partner up from the parking lot.

"Sorry for the extended delay everyone!" Lisa quickly apologized, adjusting her microphone headset on her head. "The tour will continue if you wish to participate, this way please and we'll first visit the tomb..."

Wren pulled her attention away from the tour and walked over to Jeff. "Hey, thanks man, I had no idea how I was going to stop those dudes."

Jeff hiked up his belt, but it was crammed full of so many leather cases, gear, and flashlights that it simply slid back down over his gut. "Not a problem, Songbird. It's not the first time some kid jumped over the wall after all."

"And no ghosts came to try to spook you either?" she half-jokingly inquired.

"Nope, everything was normal; the lights turned off at their usual time, no disembodied voices, and no dancing skeletons." Jeff checked the time on his watch, "Well, I gotta go do my rounds again, didn't get a chance to finish patrolling Lotus Lawn. I'll see you around."

As Jeff got into his truck, Wren turned her attention to the parking lot and spotted the small, but very loud, buzzing car drive past the cemetary gates and Dale, who was holding the gate open for them to leave. Of course, the Harbor Squad turned left on a red light and then purposely sped past the mansion, revving the car's engine no doubt to cause noise at the mansion's residents before disappearing around the turn. The patrol car paid no mind, lazily waiting at the traffic light for the light to turn green. Once it did, the Crown Victoria slowly turned left at the intersection and followed after the teen boys at a cruising speed.

As Wren watched the black and white patrol car drove by, her eyes stopped on one part of the fence. There on the iron fence perched a rather large crow. Normally, she would dismiss the sight, but something about that bird gave her a slight chill. Then as the patrol car drove out of sight, that's when she noticed it. Even though the corvid had its back turn towards Wren, she could clearly see the bird's head moving and tracking the patrol car's movement.

The bird was watching the two cars drive by the cemetery.

It must have sensed Wren staring a hole into its back for the crow suddenly lifted its head in attention and in that instance, turn to look at her. She sucked in a gasp for the crow had not only crimson eyes, but they glowed too. It tilted its head in thought at her, keeping eye-contact with Wren. After a long stare-down, the crow all of a sudden winked and took off, flying towards the mansion.

"Don't you ever sleep, Mr. Davis? I mean, it would probably help, improve those dark bags under your eyes." The butler had his back to the security guard, ignoring her as he continue to till the soil around a fragrant rose bush. Nearby sat a wheelbarrow with gardening supplies and his carefully placed outer green jacket and gloves so dirt would not soil his clothes. Wren, still on the public side of the iron and brick fence, shifted a bit. The brick pillar she was leaning on causing her slight discomfort.

She took a glance around the property, even with the skies a baby blue with the rising dawn, the land was still heavily shadowed. "So, where's Mr. Crump? Not to sound like an ignorant jerk, but since he's the groundskeeper, shouldn't tending to the plants be his job and not yours?" she egged on. Another air of silence came from the butler, only the sound of the rusting spade shifting through the dirt rhythmically responded.

She looked slightly sullen at his lack of a response, crossing her arms. Finally, she asked, "Are you burying your last sacrifice-?" Wren barely got her last question out when Davis suddenly missed and hit a brick that lined the garden bed. The noise pierced the air.

"Sacrifice?" he repeated, leering over his shoulder at her, "Where did you come off with such a radical idea?"

"Eyy, there's the Mr. Davis I know," Wren smirked widely. "Come on, you did something to erase that idiot's film off his camera, didn't you?"

He scowled at her a while longer. "Young lady, do you not have anything else to better spend your time on?" he grumbled. He placed the spade against the wheelbarrow and lifted up a bag, grabbing a handful of what Wren can only hope is plant food and scattering it on the soil.

She hummed in thought. "Not really. I just got off work. This diner I normally go to is crowded at this time of the morning anyways."

Eugene knitted his brows as he looked back up at her. "This diner you speak of, does it allow reservations to be made? If so, suppose I call this diner up and place a reservation in your name, will you then leave this home alone?"

Wren looked surprised. "Oh my God, you have a phone?"

"Of course we do, young miss. If it surprises you even further, we have indoor plumbing and electricity as well," he mentioned in a jesting matter. With the bag set back in the wheelbarrow, he began to clap his hands together, dusting off the loose soil on his gardening gloves. "Now, under what name shall I reserve you as; the 'annoying lady' or the 'stubborn thorn'?"

"You really have a phone? I mean, with the way Mr. Crump was dressed," Wren stammered, still somehow awed by the mere fact that such a modern invention like a phone existed in such an old-fashion antebellum home. "Is it . . . Is it like a rotary phone or something?"

"Mr. Crump is a very old fashion sort of fellow, he likes to use an oil lamp and . . ." he paused, but sighed, resigning to answer her. "And yes. . . it is indeed a rotary phone." His blue eyes looked off to the side in thought. "Admittedly, not much has changed inside the mansion itself, I suppose."

"That's so cool!" she exclaimed, gripping her hands in a pair of fists in excitement. "Even in a creepy old house with demonic energies, you guys still have a rotary phone!"

Eugene made a wry face. "Please, tell me those boys did not filled your head with those ideas?"

"No sir. I saw this crow with these little beady red eyes last night. I figure that he must be your pet or something because he flew over to this house."

"Listen, young miss, please," the butler huffed. He pulled his gloves off and tossed them on the wheel barrow in exchange for his coat and white gloves. "This is now the third time I'm pleading with you. There is nothing in our house to be concern about. We do not have witches, wizards, or goblins and we certainly do not have demons haunting our home."

"So, are you saying that the crow I just saw last night was just my imagination then?" Wren accused, lifting an eyebrow. Mr. Davis approached the iron fence, gazing hard into Wren's eyes as he adjusted the cuff around his wrists.

"Just like everything else you think about the manor," he leaned slightly forward, "You are merely just a young thought gone wild." He suddenly stopped. His icy blue eyes no longer on Wren, rather they darted up and focused on something over Wren's shoulder.

Now aware, she could hear the high-pitch squeal of a vehicle slowly braking behind her. "Is everything alright, Mr. Davis?" asked the voice behind her.

Honestly, she didn't need to look, Wren could already recognize the voice as the sheriff deputy who responded to the incident at the cemetery last night. But she did anyways, turning around to see the patrol car right within arm's reach of her. The passenger window was rolled down as the older deputy was leaning forward on his steering wheel to look at Wren and Eugene. He nodded his head at Wren, "Is this young gal causing you trouble?"

"Well, I," the 'gal' started, but she was at a loss of words. Honestly, Wren was in fact giving Eugene trouble with her interrogating questions about the mansion.

"Everything is fine, Deputy Buchanan," Eugene suddenly answered to Wren's surprise and relief. His face had flawlessly changed back to his indifferent servant's look, "I was merely having a conversation with Ms. Songbird while I was working the gardens."

Deputy Buchanan raised a bushy eyebrow, perplexed at what he had just heard. "Working the garden? At 6 in the mornin'?"

Eugene nodded. "You see, those trespassers have trampled over our roses. Our groundskeeper is gone for the evening and I'm afraid if I left it for his return, they may wilt and die from care. So I had spent the rest of the evening repairing the damage they had done," he explained, elegantly waving a hand over the garden. "Ms. Songbird here was kind enough to pay me a visit."

"Told you we should have taken them in," the second deputy mumbled to the driver, but he quietly hushed him.

"Is that so?" Buchanan questioned Wren. She nodded furiously. "Well," he smiled, "It's good to see that some youngsters still have time to say hello to their neighbors these days. Well, just checking to see that you were alright. We'll be on our way, so don't hesitate to give us a call if they come back. Have a good day and sorry for the intrusion." Deputy Buchanan tipped the brim of his hat down as his coworker simply lifted a hand up to acknowledge the two. The Crown Vic puttered on down the street.

"They had been patrolling the road all night," Eugene pointed out, watching along with Wren the leaving patrol car. "No doubt they wanted to make sure those miscreants wouldn't come back."

"Mr. Davis," started Wren. "Thank you."

His eyes swiveled back to her. "Whatever for?"

"That- I mean, you know- for telling them that I wasn't bothering you even though we both damn well know that I was."

"I've mentioned it before, young miss. You seem like a decent security guard and it would pain me greatly if you were to get into trouble and had to be moved elsewhere despite. . . all of the constant barrage of ridiculous questions you have about the mansion."

"Still, you could have shooed me away. Well, thanks. Hopefully, we won't get another set of idiots trying to jump the wall again tomorrow night." Wren pulled the sleeve of her jacket and consulted her watch for the time. "Anyways, it's almost 6:30 and I'm starving. So I'm going to get going. You take care of yourself, seriously, Mr. Davis," she pointed a finger at him.

"Likewise," nodded Eugene. Once Wren had returned back to her car that was parked a little down Esplanade Road, the butler turned to scowl at the tree branches above him. Deep in the branches and hiding in the shadows was the red-eyed crow who only returned a smug smile at him.

#The Haunted Manse #Jen's Fanfiction #HM FanFiction #Part 1

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thebibliosphere · 7 years

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An entirely random question: in a modern au, what sort of music would Vlad, Nathan, and Ursula like, respectively?

Oh boy I love asks like these cause it means I get to pull up my obscure character notes.

In the modern human AU, Vlad’s mother was a classical pianist and taught him how to play, as well as the violin. Ursula once remarked that he plays with a beautiful kind of heavy sorrow. His taste in music is predictably, somewhat moody and more than a little bit eclectic. He went through an emo goth phase in high school and never really left and still listens to things like JJ72 and Staind when he’s working, but draws the line at “The Sound of Silence” because he’s actively trying to stay sober these days and he still remembers the way his mother’s voice would crack on certain notes while listening to the original. He still can’t really listen to Joni Mitchell because of this, and God help anyone who tries to play Don McLean without warning him first cause you’re going to have to pick him up off the floor afterwards.

When he wants to be angry but upbeat while he works he has things like Muse and Awolnation on a loop. He’s more than a little in love with Hozier and refers to him as “my other boyfriend” in conversation. You’ll also hear a lot of Jefferson Airplane coming from his art studio, something he’s managed to reclaim from his mother’s collection without breaking his heart listening to it, more recently however it’s been this song on a loop, for obvious reasons. It makes him happy despite the gently melancholic tone of it.

If he were a Queen song he’d be Under Pressure.

Nathan is a total mess when it comes to music, it doesn’t matter what is playing, he’s here for it and ready to dance whether it’s Brittany Spears Toxic or Electric Six’s Danger! High Voltage. That said his phone is primarily loaded with theme songs from films and video games. The battle themes from Elder Scrolls makes great running tunes on the treadmill as far as he’s concerned. As does the main theme for Pacific Rim. Ursula got him addicted to Florence and the Machine sometime around the first week they started dating and he apologetically listens to Howl all the time while wearing his “do you even shift bro” werewolf t-shirt. Ursula likes to joke that his love song for Vlad is Jace Everett’s Bad Things. And not just because it was on True Blood and he’s never gotten over his vampire fixation from early adolescence and Vlad is absolutely 100% his Type in that regard, aka romantic sad goth in skinny jeans who looks good in fangs, nope, nope, nope, how very dare. (He feels attacked. This is slander. But yea, actually, no that’s...fair...)

He’s also got about 20 nieces and nephews at this point (or is it twelve, feels like a hundred) so he’s also got a million and one Disney songs stuck in his head at any given moment and can sing them all on command. Right now he’s had Shakira’s Try Everything from Zootopia on a loop in the kitchen for the last six months and the other two are on the verge of forming an intervention. Again.

If he were a Queen song he’d be Don’t Stop Me Now

Ursula identifies with Florence Welch on a spiritual level because she too is both the aesthetic of Here Comes The Hurricane To Fuck Up Your Life and Ethereal Early Morning Light Glinting On Still Waters.

On the flipside of this she’s pretty certain Hozier is her patronus and also refers to him as “my other, other, boyfriend” in unity with Vlad. Him and Jeff Buckley, who she’s not unconvinced wasn’t a celestial being who decided to grace this world with his voice before he was called back to beyond the ether.

Like the other two she’ll listen to pretty much anything, but tends to avoid the more melancholy choices Vlad makes. She’s more of a “burn the sadness out of your veins with rage” sort of person than a “I need to sit down and have a good cry”. You always know when she’s annoyed at something because she likes to scream along to the opening of Immigrant Song regardless of the time of day or night. It’s best to just let her get on with it. (Their neighbors are mercifully old and deaf.) If the boys hear Martha Wainwright's Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole coming from the crafting room however it’s usually a good idea to go in armed with chocolate and a blanket because she’s probably under the desk not crying. She never cries. Vlad finds it unnerving and wishes she would. He thinks it’d help.

There’s a lot of Fleetwood Mac and Stevie Nicks in there too, as well as Loreena Mckennitt and the occasional insertion of Bill Hicks (yes the comedian) singing his song, The Moon Is Smiling.

She also likes the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and listens to Sacrilege fairly often. It’s the song she left on her ultra conservative adopted family’s voice mail when they found out about both Nathan and Vlad and called her a sinner. Immediately followed by Millie Jackson’s Fuck You Symphony. They haven’t tried to speak to her since and their voicemail appears to be deactivated. She can’t imagine why.

At the moment her personal anthem is What's Up by 4 Non Blondes and you’ll often find her gently singing it to herself while she works. Vlad tends to join in, not even realizing he’s doing it. It’s easy for them to harmonize together and Nathan enjoys listening to them both.

If she were a Queen song she’d undeniably be Killer Queen.

Regardless of their differing tastes, no matter where they are in the house if The Killers Mister Brightside comes on they’ll all bust into the same room singing it. They’re aware the lyrics are ironic for them but it’s impossible not to sing along.

If the trio were a Queen Song it’d probably be Bohemian Rhapsody. They take turns singing all the parts. Nathan’s family have banned the song on long car rides for this reason. No. Once is enough. Don’t put it on a loop. Stop. Don’t make us split you up between cars. Again.

#Hunger Pangs #Hpangs #Phangs #Hunger Pangs AU #meta #character work #gaydragonwizards

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hardykat · 6 years

Text

Corey, did you not just hear what I said?

IN THIS HOUSE WE DO NOT SLANDER JEFF HARDY’S NAME!

I like you, but I will hurt your feelings dude.

#hk's random thoughts #liveblogging

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jimbotimes · 6 years

Text

In the same spirit of my peers, honoring and respecting the community’s loss of another youth whose life was taken too prematurely from him, I want to reflect on a few of the details circulating about the altercation which led to the tragedy. The following writing places this most recent loss of life for our neighborhood in the context of the ongoing changes making their way through our community, through vecindades all across Los Angeles, and throughout major cities everywhere in America.

In a picture of the collage of the memorial and candlelight vigil, one of the writings can be found to read:

“fuck white people.“

On seeing that note, while I could not endorse the statement, I could trace immediately where its sentiment came from. Within the United States in 2018, through the prevalence of smartphones, videos and news through these mediums, there’s been an increased attention to everything absurd everywhere, but no increased attention has been as polarizing as the growing focus on what’s called white privilege in America, and the accompanying criticism of that privilege, which has had the effect of dramatically transforming how whites and nonwhites alike perceive their place in this country in a way not seen since at least the radical 1960s.

The most concerning effect of these changes has been the increased backlash from white America to the scrutiny of white privilege, including the rise of white supremacist groups, their gatherings, and the networks developed by these phenomenons, not to mention their role in electing he whom Ta-Nehisi Coates calls The First White President.

Young people across America with even remote access to smartphones have been able to access this information, although through different lenses like those of the meme, the Facebook video, or the hashtag, thereby repeatedly seeing how the institution of white privilege plays out daily throughout the United States, if not through news regarding the aforementioned backlashes, then through clips of policing that disproportionately attacks Black and Brown bodies, or through clips of rhetoric that slanders immigrants, the religion of Islam or whole other nations, or via bits of other daily media-storms ignited more often than not by the supposed leader of the ‘free’ world, and more.

The message has been clear and consistent through each of these data, so that if there’s ever any doubt in a young person’s mind about the racialized power dynamics of the United States, the evidence is ubiquitous: that the white ‘right’ is first and above all, anywhere and everywhere like a law of the land. And because these power dynamics are daily made known, the great divide at the core of their messaging is in turn embedded into the psyches of these young people to a degree and frequency unlike anything previous generations would see when they were identified as the youth of this country.

‘It’s us versus them.’

In pueblos like those of our communities, however, this problem is only compounded, not because of even more data through the screen of the smartphone–although that also has its own part–but because of the data out on the street, in the gentrification of the urban neighborhoods which our families and their predecessors were once only relegated to.

Let us be totally clear here: the neighborhood which makes up these blocks, like neighborhoods all through East and South Los Angeles, took generations to characterize or develop in the particular ways that they have been. That is, going as far back as the 1930s, the neighborhood has always lacked a certain type of quality due to the certain groups of people who were known to live here, which is to say Black, Brown, and Asian people, many with special needs, and other ‘minorities’ dealing with the ‘lower-rung’ economics that often came with starting or restarting a life in L.A. through the 20th century, the majority of whom were discriminated against or merely ‘forgotten’ by the city’s, and by extension, the country’s leadership.

This is why, for example, in the late 1940s and 1950s, the 101 Freeway, among others, tore its way through East Los to open up a path for more of Hollywood’s commuters onto Santa Ana–because the people on the East side were Chicanos of humble means who would simply have to get out of the way; it is also why the same freeway tore its way through our own vecindad in that process–because the people of our neighborhood–the Blacks, Latinos, Asians, and others–were also people of humble means who would simply have to get with the program or get lost.

Half a century later, from 1998 – 2000, that same humility of means for the people of la vecindad played a major part in why the local police force, the Rampart division, saw a grand total of 70 of its police officers indicted for decades’ worth of charges on corruption when its special task-force, the ‘CRASH‘ or ‘Community Resources Against Street Hoodlums’ unit, was found to have perpetrated scores of unprovoked shootings and beatings of our youth in their patrols through our neighborhoods, the planting of evidence and framing of those same youth, stealing from the department, perjury, and more.

Twenty years later, of the 70 officers implicated by the investigation into Rampart’s ‘CRASH‘ unit, only five of those officers are known to have been terminated as a result of the findings; the humility of means of their victims in these crimes has much to do with those numbers.

But there is a ‘flip’ side to such histories: the fact is that through each period before the one we share today, to any discrimination against the character of a people there has also been a resistance and opposition.

In Rampart’s case, a year after the indictment of its CRASH unit: “Defense attorneys [were] still scrutinizing thousands of convictions that might have been tainted by Rampart wrongdoing, and plaintiffs’ attorneys [were] awaiting settlement decisions in a hundred and fifty lawsuits and claims against the city.”

In the 1950s, when it came to the construction of the freeways in East Los: “Residents did fight back, flooding public meetings and picketing construction sites. But unlike the mostly white and politically powerful neighborhoods that killed plans for a Beverly Hills Freeway, L.A.’s Eastside couldn’t stop the bulldozer. By the early 1960s, all seven of the planners’ freeways crisscrossed the community.”

And in a similar spirit of resistance, the oldest ‘gang’ in Los Angeles, the White Fence gang of the Boyle Heights area, was formed in the 1940s as a way for Chicano youth in that part of The City to defend themselves against their white counterparts when the latter targeted and attacked them without penalty from law enforcement. To be sure, the documented Zoot Suit ‘Riots’ of Los Angeles in 1943 speak precisely to how this played out.

We are of course not in the 1940s or 1950s anymore, but these periods are still relevant to us not only because of the parallels between them and the state of violence in the U.S. against its ‘others’ today, but also because of their legacy for both white and nonwhite Angelenos when it comes to occupying spaces in proximity to one another today, as we do increasingly in the 21st century.

For historians of Los Angeles, then, or for anyone with an interest in how the city came to be, and how it is still coming to be, there’s a responsibility to make these histories and others known.

The same day as this most recent tragedy in our neighborhood, the White House made a press release dated for May 21, 2018 entitled What You Need to Know About the Violent Animals of MS-13. The memo references President Trump’s State of the Union speech, when he called upon as his guests the parents of two young women who were killed in Long Island, New York by alleged gang members, and proceeds to list a few handpicked details of that tragedy.

The memo then follows this account with brief mention of other cases and selected details from their records as to how the alleged gang members behind them carried out their crimes. It is a thinly veiled form of propaganda designed to rile up support for an official dehumanization of youth identified as ‘gang members’, but rather than hailing from an ‘alt-right’ website or straight out of some neo-nazi’s basement, the statement is listed as the official position of the executive branch of the United States.

Of course, the memo is from the office of the same president who just last summer had the audacity to claim after the white supremacist gathering in Charlottesville, Virginia which cost Heather Heyer’s–a Jewish woman–her life, that between the white supremacists whose intention it was to attack and the counter-protesters who defended themselves from their assaults, there were “good people on both sides”.

It’s likely that the youth at the heart of our community’s most recent loss, like most of the people in the neighborhood, did not hear about the memo, but it’s also likely that over the last year and a half in particular, he and several of his peers did hear about the litany of racist, misogynist and ableist put-downs from the president who as a candidate for executive branch promised to ‘build a wall’ between the United States and neighboring Mexico.

Yet even through the days of the president’s candidacy and on through his administration’s memo last week, neither his uninspired words nor those of his staff could actually so much as graze the curb of the street that my peers and I stand on, let alone graze us, for they are words made for televisions which our generation turned off years ago for have nothing to do with the air’s we’re concerned with in our day to day mechanisms of survival. It is the histories on which such statements are built do and have had a lasting impact on our communities, however. Jeff Sessions looks to be John Wayne in the 21st century, but this time the natives are gang members.

It is a central concern of this writing that in the city of Los Angeles in the 21st century, many of the natives of the neighborhoods here are so-called ‘gang members’, who have made life through the intersections of their barrios daily and over decades, but who now find themselves increasingly cornered by an enemy of far greater proportions than any other clique in the process that is the gentrification of la vecindad, through the influx of middle-class types who’ve never encountered people like them before.

As with the freeways in the 1950s, the redevelopment of the neighborhood happened quickly, that is, in our perception of it, and with such normalization from the city’s leadership that it can be difficult to understand or interpret altogether, but because it’s taking place at the same time as of the hordes of data described at the beginning of this writing filter through so many of our screens, one sentiment seems to make perfect sense in it all:

“fuck them.”

In a recent essay for The Atlantic on The New Aristocracy, writer Matthew Stewart reflects on just why people might feel so much resentment towards his class, which is upper ‘middle-class’:

“We live in safer neighborhoods, go to better schools, have shorter commutes, receive higher-quality health care, and, when circumstances require, serve time in better prisons. We also have more friends—the kind of friends who will introduce us to new clients or line up great internships for our kids.”

It has circulated throughout the neighborhood that the shooter who took the life of the youth referred to by this writing was a white man acting in self-defense. It’s a damning circumstance to consider under the context, but one can see how the color of a man’s skin when he takes the life of another ultimately changes nothing about how the latter’s loss will be felt.

One can also see, however, the way in which to the young people who have just lost their friend, everything–including the presidency, the policing, and the gentrification which is welcomed by so many of the local ‘elected’ officials whom are supposed to represent them–it all somehow actually adds up to place them, the youth, in defense.

And the fact of the matter is that their lives are in danger; even if they and their families have made their way through these intersections, they are all at the risk of being displaced. It is a subtle form of the warfare of wealth, but warfare nevertheless against their character, of humble means like their predecessors. In resisting that warfare, as I do in solidarity with my peers all throughout Los Angeles, it does not mean it’s time to prepare for 1992’s Los Angeles to make its way through these streets again.

Rather, it means that all of the members of our community, old and new alike, need to seek an end to the collective violence inflicted on our respective communities together, with the shared goal of transforming the current trend of redeveloping of our streets for the purpose of displacing our families into redevelopment of these streets for the purpose of coalition-building alongside us. It’s only in this way that all of us will able to share these streets between us in true harmony, honor, and respect, and free of the great division which is so frequently trying to be enforced upon us.

I am willing to stand for it. Indeed, I have to. But I know I’m not the only one who is willing, and that gives me hope: we can and have got to do better together Los Angeles.

J.T.

Los Angeles Can and Must Do Better By Its Youth In the same spirit of my peers, honoring and respecting the community's loss of another youth whose life was taken too prematurely from him, I want to reflect on a few of the details circulating about the altercation which led to the tragedy.

#community #development #gentrification #Los Angeles #nonfiction #stories #writing

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