#no its so so interesting and legitimately a logical next step for the character shes so fucking traumatized <3 obsessed with her <3

[doctorwhoisadhd]

tbh if you didnt watch miracle day youre a fake gwen fan best gwen to me is miracle day's angry PTSD having toxic protective attack dog gwen <3

[rosemary-is-in-pesterquest]

ooh! I have thoughts on Eridan!

okay so, to me, Eridan ties into this thing that homestuck has going on with a lot of its more morally grey characters... the question of how responsible young people are for their negative qualities and actions, and where the age threshold for personal responsibility is.

the characters in homestuck all straddle this line between being young enough to consider them victims of the forces that influence them, while also old enough to understand what they're doing and how it affects others... especially because a lot of these kids come off as really smart for their age, and very precocious. we've all been through phases in our lives that make us cringe, not because we're ashamed of something harmless, but because we recognize that we had absorbed something harmful, and took longer than we wish we had to unlearn it. it could be as simple as being kind of a jerk in a misguided attempt to seem cool, or as dramatic as actually hurting someone in an attempt to remedy one's own insecurities by putting down others to seem better by comparison... but how far can you push that before people aren't willing to forgive? before people abandon the notion that better guidance and more appropriate role models could reform someone? and it's especially interesting when you consider how old homestuck's core audience might've been when they first encountered this story, and how it affected their perception of the characters if they saw them as peers, rather than as children from an adult's perspective.

so to talk about Eridan, I wanna frame this in terms of his classpect, because it actually goes a long way towards contextualizing his behavior. Eridan is a prince of hope, meaning that he destroys hope or uses hope to destroy... and this can be seen in practically every conversation he has. if Eridan is contacting someone, it is because he expects something of them. advice, or consolation, or a solution to a problem he's having... it's always something. when he contacts Kanaya, he wants her to auspistize between him and Vriska. when he contacts Feferi, he wants her to give him encouragement, and maybe date him when he asks. and in every case, the way he demands these things by being rude, whiny, or self pitying, makes people reluctant or unwilling to give him what he expects. he destroys what he hopes to obtain.

it goes deeper than that though. Eridan has absorbed this ideology of sea dweller superiority from living on Alternia... and he actually takes it way farther than it even makes sense to. the aristocracy on Alternia use the lower class for all sorts of menial work that they feel entitled not to have to do themselves. they might have the ability to freely cull individual low bloods for any reason, but eradicating all land dwelling trolls would leave a lot of unpleasant yet necessary tasks with no one to do them. I don't think Eridan actually wants to live in a reality where sea dwellers have to pick up the slack of doing things like sanitation work, or construction or something... but another concept that is heavily tied to the hope aspect is delusion. Eridan is exaggerating. he's trying to agree with Alternia's ruthless class structure so hard that it's actually kind of absurd. but Feferi calls him on that... she says she thinks that he self sabotages on purpose. because he knows, at least in some capacity, that the consequences of getting what he "wants" would actually be really uncomfortable to live with.

so not only is Eridan's goal to destroy... it is also a false goal that he constantly undermines. and all of his waffling between grandstanding and self pity destroys his romantic prospects, which are what he actually seems to want the most.

if you look at the way Eridan pursues relationships, he actually makes a lot of logical sense, but not a lot of emotional sense. he's idealized the act of perfectly filling the relationship requirements of each quadrant. he wants Feferi to be his matesprit, which is purely based on the fact that she's high enough on the hemospectrum to be an appropriate match in terms of status. he wants Vriska to be his kismesis, and Kanaya to be their auspistice, and there are hints that Karkat might've been someone he was considering for moiraillegience, though it wasn't emphasized as much. and there you go! his goal is specific, but it's based more on ideals than on the actual needs and feelings of the people involved, and it's totally self centered... he always wants them to cater to his own needs. the reason why he gets as nihilistic as he does on the meteor, is because all of his endeavors to achieve these relationships are falling through. he feels like he has no hope of mending his existing connections, because he still only sees them in terms of people either giving him, or not giving him, what he wants. but the rest of their race is dead. as the last twelve trolls in existence, they only have each other as romantic options. and as Eridan gets more and more desperate, he gets more and more demanding, which is the exact quality that drives everyone away from him to begin with, and it culminates in him having a "if I can't have what I want then nobody can have any of their hopes either" meltdown.

to backtrack a bit, I wanna reconsider questions such as, when is a kid old enough to be held responsible for their own negative qualities? like... when are you comfortable with ceasing to blame environmental factors? when are they just a bad person? is it after they've refused a certain number of chances to make better choices? when do they reach an age, or level of bad behavior, that makes you think they can't be helped to reform from these negative qualities? where does an adult lose their patience for the idea that a kid is just a victim of their upbringing?

obviously Feferi is Eridan's peer, but these are basically the questions she grapples with when she talks to Eridan. it's like growing up next door to a kid whose parents have some aggressively wrong-headed political stances. as you grow, that kid might mirror their parents' way of thinking... and by the time the two of you are in your teens, it's hard to ignore how much of a jerk that kid is becoming. but you've seen them at every step of their development. you know where it comes from. maybe theirs is the dominant political belief in the community, even if your own parents aren't like that. maybe you wonder if you would've agreed with them if you grew up under their circumstances. you've felt the pressure, but you haven't lived in it like they have, and maybe if they just had the chance to grow up under different conditions, they wouldn't be this way. and you are aware that you could be an influence on them... maybe they need you to help them see another perspective. you always got along so well as kids. when did things even change? and that's kind of where I imagine Feferi is at when we're introduced to her and Eridan. it's a crossroads between believing that you might still matter enough to them to change their outlook, and the persistence of their ingrained beliefs. it's tiring to do that kind of work, over a long period of time, to minimal results. when is the appropriate time to give up? in this way, Feferi's own hopes for Eridan fade over time. she says at one point that she was mainly acting as his moirail so he wouldn't try to underfeed her lusus and kill the land dwellers that way. she's not sure how serious he is, and she can't take that risk. deep down, I'm pretty sure Eridan knew he was never actually going to commit a genocide... but his need to grandstand, and legitimate belief in his caste superiority, had convinced Feferi enough that she still felt obligated to manage him as though he was a real threat.

these characters are thirteen years old. they're right at the edge of childhood and adolescence... right at the age where children aren't quite so innocent. they want to assert themselves. they aren't mature, so there's a lot of responsibility that they still shouldn't be trusted with yet, but they've become aware enough to feel like that's demeaning, and to want to be taken seriously. in an effort to make people acknowledge them without looking down on them, they'll try just about anything. they don't have the experience to know what they're doing yet, so it doesn't always work in their favor, and that's frustrating. you can see bits and pieces of this in homestuck's characters. like with the way they try to paint themselves as an authority on something, or shit talk each other in order to emphasize their own strengths. it's a really interesting theme, because homestuck pushes some of these young characters really far in terms of how bad the things they've done can be, or how much their lived experiences have taught them that what they're doing is acceptable. they can be really self aware in some ways, and come off as really childish in others. it's hard to know what you'd do about them in real life... and your answer changes depending on your own age and perspective. it's a really cool gray area to poke around in, and homestuck is excellent at it.

wtf I like Eridan now

[okimargarvez]

FIRST DATE

Original title: First date.

Prompt: Luke asks Pen a date in a particular way.

Warning: none.

Genre: romantic, fluff.

Characters: Penelope Garcia, Luke Alvez, Phil Brooks, Roxy.

Pairing: Garvez.

Note: oneshot 70 in Garvez collection.

Legend: 🐶.

Song mentioned: Persone silenziose, Luca Carboni feat Tiziano Ferro.

GARVEZ STORIES

Note: this is not about episode 15x10. I written it weeks before seeing that moment. It was just a dream (one of the little about garvez) I made.

FIRST DATE

 There are some silent people, there are timid presences hidden among people... but silence makes noise, the eyes have an amplifier... those eyes that have always been used to listening...

Hearing his cell phone vibrate, for a moment Luke fears that they have a new case. He looks at the display and smiles. -Alvez.- he gasps, trying to catch his breath. Roxy runs around him, agitated by the unexpected break.

The friend on the other end of the line chuckles. -Hey, brother, how are you?- he caresses the dog, calming him down. -Am I bother you?- he sighs.

-Never! I was running with Rox!- she barks, greeting Phil in her own way.

-You really have to find a girl, Luke.- he lovingly scolds him. Latin smiles inside himself. I'm just working on it. -About this... Did I mention my physiotherapist, Lisa? She's very pretty. I was wondering... would you like to have a double date? She, Penelope, you and I.- Luke's brain freezes on hearing that name. The heart starts pumping blood again at a speed not recommended. -What do you say? Hey, man, are you still there?- he blinks several times to recover.

-Yes, yes, I’m, but... What does your proposal mean? Do you know? Is it so obvious?- he blushes, but at the same time he is unable to get that grimace of absolute joy out of his face that appears every time he accidentally thinks of her.

-I understand what? Oh, wait. I hoped I saw wrong... You like her, don't you?- Luke runs his tongue over his lips, sighs in a teenage way.

-Yeah, huh, in fact... I asked her out. Or...- he scratches his head, nervous. -Technically I wrote her a letter. So, I don't know if you can consider it…- he recognizes Phil's exclamation.

-A letter? You mean paper letter? Only you can do such an old-fashioned thing!- he struggles to stop laughing. -Let me know how it goes, heartbreaker!- he is about to hang up, but he understands that he still has a joke in store. -If it goes bad, remember that there is someone else interested, not too far away...- Luke shakes his head. He doesn’t have time to put the phone in the pocket, that it starts ringing again.

He answers without looking. -Any other ridiculous joke, Brooks?- but he soon realizes it's not Phil.

-Alvez, we have a case and it's pretty bad. How long does it take you to get here?-

People who can't speak, who put their thoughts in order, people full of fear that someone might know their little and big... contradictory thoughts!

 Although not many are convinced of this, Penelope is capable of being a professional person. That's why she notices the envelope just beyond her office door. But she decides not to consider it until the case is resolved. And so, she does.

Leaning against the backrest, she yawns. Her eyes fall on that envelope, still sealed, intact. She looks more carefully at the only writing. Her name. Penelope. She recognizes the handwriting before opening it. She closes her eyes, thinking that when she opens them again, she will understand that it was a hallucination.

Instead it is always there. She starts reading.

Penelope,

I can't imagine what you're thinking right now. In fact, she has no idea what she should expect from the continuation. For this reason, she decides to go ahead. Maybe I should have started by calling you Garcia, like the rest of the team. But you are not only Garcia, for me, and especially when I think of you outside of work.

Here, now her head is definitely confused. She has to read the sentence a second time. It's the same. It is always there. She's not just Garcia for him. What else, then? I hope you are still reading it. I wrote you this letter instead of an email or a message, because I had too many things to say and I hope that a little of what I feel has been transmitted to the sheet and that you can believe me. He managed to snatch a laugh from her and he is not even physically here. She finds herself stroking those sentences with her fingers. He is really so sweet... And suited to his style. A cold email could never give her heart pounding. I'd like to go out to dinner one evening with you. She jumps, risking falling off the chair. Luke's next sentence scares her even more. He seems to read her mind. Yes, I don't mean as colleagues or friends at O'Keefe. I mean a real full-blown appointment. Considering how they have always been going around the issue, without ever taking an effective step that leaves no room for doubt... well, yes, it is quite strange. Romantic. Intimate. Just the two of us. He continues to puzzled her, every word he adds.

In case you haven't died from a giggle attack now, I'd like to try to show you that it's all true. For once he hasn't guessed her reaction at all, quite the opposite. Laugh? She is not thinking about it at all. No, rather, should this irregularity in her heart beat worry her? Is she by chance having a heart attack? Should she call someone? I have been imagining that moment for far too long (more than I would admit). Oh shit, if he goes on this log, she'll really have to call an ambulance. I see you as if you were now in front of me. I see your extraordinary beauty in every nuance. Holy crap, holy crap. Her extraordinary beauty? Was he by chance drugged when he started writing this letter? Does he really think this of her? So, this is the reason why he stares at her for so long even in the least indicated moments. And I see myself, awkwardly, with my heart rumbling in my ears and sweaty hands, forcing me to ring the bell. And listening with tension to every noise coming from beyond the door. And your steps. He is a cursed poet, a director, an artist, because he has managed to show what he has described as almost real, a film, an anticipation... a spoiler aimed at the future. And then I imagine your smile a little uncertain, as if you had feared that in the end it would turn out to be a joke. Damn profilers; how can you play with them equally? I would make a compliment, you would thank me by touching my arm, I would reach to heaven. In Heaven just for a light touch on the arm? She doesn’t dare, really, Penelope doesn’t dare to imagine what effect it would then have if she accidentally came into contact with a slightly more pushed area... like the chest. I don't want to irk you; I'll spare you the rest of the evening. Irk you; here's the mystery solved, it's a Reid joke! But she doesn't believe it, never for a second. I will just tell you that I am sure I would have a fantastic time. Just because it would be with you. Damn bastard, what creature, no matter the gender, could decline an offer presented in this way? Without feeling like an idiot.

Because you are this. When I am close to you, it is as if the words no longer want to collaborate with me and form sentences of complete meaning... She knows the feeling perfectly, bro. But at the same time, I'm fine, you make me feel good, otherwise I wouldn't want to spend so much time with you. Well, it has its own logic. When love is logical? And why she thought that damn word?

I don't want to tell you what I feel for you loud and clear. I'd rather do it face to face; however cowardly I may be. And you're smart enough (actually a genius) to read between the lines. Smart enough, he says. And she knows it's true, but she doesn't dare to make assumptions. Lie, she already did. She did so whenever their eyes chained themselves for more than four seconds. But does anyone know this rule? Luke definitely doesn’t. Over four seconds means that the person who is looking at you wants to do something more with you, besides staring at you. No, not just a kiss. Of course.

I look forward to your reply, with trepidation and I hope I haven't ruined everything. For me, even just your friendship is important, but I could no longer live without knowing the truth, without getting involved. In her heart she wasn’t convinced that he would ever be able to take the first step.

Wherever and wherever you are, I wish you a wonderful day,

Luke

She emits so many sighs that she looks like a teapot about to explode, or a steam train. Has she really read those beautiful (wonderful, other than beautiful) words addressed to her by the Newbie (which for some time now can no longer be considered such)? No, she must have misunderstood, misinterpreted something. Instead it's all there, black on white: Luke Alvez wants to go out with her, a real date, romantic, intimate. He has swept away all doubts and loopholes. And now it's up to her, to answer him.

When was the last time she picked up one of her colorful and oddly shaped pens to do anything other than close a call with the team?

Okay, come on, it can't be that hard. He exposed his soul with her. The least she can do is try to return the favor.

 Luke didn’t expect an answer so soon, on the contrary, it would be more legitimate that he had not imagined to get a real reaction from his blonde colleague, only... he needed to get rid of that weight. He still felt good. He regretted to not meeting her before returning home after the case was over. It was strange, but it had already happened that she wasn't there waiting for them.

He would lie if he denied he has thinking about it until his brain went out. Or that it wasn’t his first thought when he woke up, while shaving with a little more attention than usual.

Yet he can't help but feel some fibrillation down the path to his desk. And when he sees that envelope on the smooth surface, he reacts more or less like Garcia. At first, he believes it is a projection of his mind. He must touch it to accept that it is a concrete object belonging to this dimension. Penelope imitated him in a sublime way. His name, only four letters, seems almost a drawing, traced by her fantastic hands. He tries very hard to hold back the cry of joy that has gone up to his throat. It may also contain a negative response; but he doesn’t even consider this possibility. Usually he is not a positive person, but this time... He looks around. There is practically nobody, here there are the positive sides of get there early. So how long has that envelope been there? Did she leave it here the night before? Or is Penelope already hidden in her office?

A lot of unnecessary questions. He opens it and instantly his nostrils are struck by a heavenly perfume. Gingerly, he brings it close to his nose. Yes, it is hers. Oh jeez, will he come out alive in the end? He takes a quick look. The first thing he notices is that it's much shorter than his. But didn't someone say that the synthesis is the maximum understanding of the text? Maybe he's confusing the areas.

He starts reading, calmly.

Luke,

but he bursts already after the first word, which is none other than his name again. He must close his eyes and press his fingers on his temple, to achieve a mental balance stable enough to be able to continue. wow, a letter, what... Anachronistic thing. And somehow, I must admit, fascinating. Never as much as she is, but the bottom line is that... she liked it! A good start. It is useless to dance around it: you completely puzzled me. I confess that I find it hard to believe that you want to go out with me as... As an interested man. Why does it have to be so complicated to accept? She thinks she is not live up to him? What nonsense! If anything, the exact opposite! She could have any one man, doesn't she know? But he hopes she wants only him. He wants to be the lucky chosen one, more than anything else in the world. But I decided to get involved, as you did. It seems to me a story a bit too elaborate to be a joke. Yeah, elaborate… why does he fall even deeper for her every word? And I suspected that there was a romantic under the beard and the hunter's skin. Caught, Alvez. Never been so happy to be discovered by a girl, since elementary school, when he played hide and seek. Are you glad I used your same method? And also one of my favorite pens; enjoy the perfume, and consider it an appetizer for that day... He doesn't resist, he tastes the aroma a second time, letting his lungs fill themselves with it, closing his eyes like a moron, hearing Garcia's voice in his head that repeats the last sentence. An appetizer. It is so erotic that... he is happy to sitting with the lower half of the body under the desk. And by the way: you didn't indicate a date. Oh shit, she's right! How could he have been so stupid? He blushes, cursing himself. Out of the corner of his eye he sees that Matt and Tara are entering. He must hurry to finish the reading.

I wish you and Roxy a good evening, and I apologize you for forgetting Sergio 😉 And, here is a second unforgivable omission. But no, she said the exact opposite. She's giving him a chance. For real.

Your fantastic Penny

Penny. He savors that name on his lips, slowly. Fantastic, she certainly is. He puts the letter in a drawer at random, he doesn't need to see it again, he has already learned it by heart, even if he doesn't have Reid's skills.

Luke proves even bolder than she thought. Taking advantage of the fact that no new cases have arrived, he manages to find a way to send the letter to her the same day. Now that he has received a first green light it is really difficult to refrain.

She could access the video of the camera placed outside her office to watch him put it under her door. But it would be a slightly maniac thing. So, she just picks it up from the floor and opens it with little grace. She reads all in one breath.

Penelope,

I thank you for your magnanimity. Yes, you cannot imagine what pleasure it is for me to can hold a handwritten script by your hands. Do you understand now how hopeless I am? She's starting to get an idea. They are on the same boat. Do you think that a joke would be worth this self-denunciation and humiliation? You're right, for the emotion (and stupidity) I forgot to indicate a date, or maybe I was afraid that you might be scared of it, as if I had already decided everything. Yes, it is a far from remote hypothesis. Unless we will get a case, what you think about tomorrow night? Tomorrow. Tomorrow night. Just over 24 hours from now. She strives to breathe normally. And forgive me if I haven't been able to rely on post delivery times,

your Luke

Hers! Hers! Will he ever really be hers? Her boyfriend. Luke Alvez her boyfriend. It looks like a joke. It seems too real. And it frightens her.

She spends most of the day wondering what is the best way to answer him. She discards another letter because someone would surely notice it as she leaves it on Agent Alvez's desk. A message is too little and an email... Too detached. She wastes time so long that it is the moment to go home.

 She is waiting for the elevator, always swimming in indecision. And it is at that moment that fate sets in motion. Luke appears from around the corner. At first, he seems almost frightened to find her there. Then his face melts into a smile. -Hey..- he is unexpectedly shy.

-Hey.- she replies with the same intonation. They look at each other for a few minutes. Weirdly, no one, stranger or part of the team, arrives to interrupt that moment. -Okay.- says Penelope after a century. Luke's eyes widen. She approaches him slowly, and puts her hand on his shoulder. -Okay, Luke, tomorrow is fine.- she whispers, making him shiver. -But you still forgot to indicate a time.- she smiles, going away.

Luke blushes. -Oh, you're right... it’s good 8.00 p.m.? Then you should have enough time to... You know.- she nods.

-It's perfect.- the elevator arrives, he lets her go up first. They are silent throughout the journey. Just before arriving, she approaches him again and places a kiss on his cheek. -Good night, Luke. See you tomorrow.-

 The next evening

And suddenly you run away... without saying goodbye. Your eyes go down the stairs... I don't know what they are going to do, if to be moved or to dream... to get angry or to meditate...

Luke manages to hold back anxiety for the first twenty minutes. After another ten he goes into paranoia. Half an hour late seems to him a socially acceptable time to lose his head and call her. The phone rings empty. He waits a few more minutes and tries again. Ring endlessly, until the voice mail goes. Damn, why the hell isn't she picking up? It is on the third call that he completely loses his mind. He presses the repeat button practically without even realizing it. He takes strangely little time to reach thirty; thirty calls.

He doesn't even think for a moment if he should call the police. If something bad happened to her, what could a policeman do more than a federal agent (not on duty)? He drives like a madman to her house; he only went once but he has already memorized the route. Like whatever concerns her. He forces himself to park in a decent way and also to close the car; if someone would steal it, he would certainly be not be very clever, in case he had to take her somewhere, like a hospital... He climbs the stairs three steps at a time. He is already ready to knock down the door, he is mentally preparing himself for the act, when it opens wide and behind it there is her, perfectly healthy, intact, except that she seems very shaken.

He can finally start breathing again. Oxygen enters his lungs violently. -Penelope.- he coughs, as an inevitable consequence.

She just stares at him with terrified eyes. -You gave me... you gave a heart attack!- she puts one of her hands on her chest. Luke notices that she is wearing an open dressing gown that reveals a pajama. Did she prepare for their date or did she never give him a real chance? Did he just delude himself? He intends to get all the answers right now.

After the relief a little anger takes over, transmitted through a pungent irony. -Why, you thought you got rid of me forever?- but he doesn't last long, because she seems really too lost and fragile to be really angry. He already knows the reason for her behavior. He just needs to hear her say it.

-What?- Penelope asks, even more confused. Luke shakes his head.

-Forget it.- but he has a spasmodic need to touch her, any part of the body will be fine. -Why did you ditch me?- he caresses her arm, that thin layer of skin exposed to the outside world, and, surprisingly, she doesn't jump, she doesn't chase him away. -I waited until eleven o'clock.- is a reproach, but he has said it in the lowest and sweetest tone that is available in his vocal range. Penelope looks at him in passing. She doesn’t let her eyes fall into male ones. They are too magnetic. And she is in pajamas. And that's enough to embarrass her. Why does he persist in staying on her doorstep? She sighs, recalling the spirit of the Garcia of the past. The queen of ice. Anything just to get rid of him.

-You and the team wanted to play a trick on me and I ruined your party... I can't say I'm really sorry.- she is an excellent actress, even though she has never been able to exploit these qualities in real, private life... only on a stage. Luke seems to have taken really bad. As if... nope. It doesn't really care. -It's life, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose...- and instead, she seems to be rotten wrong. The man grabs her wrist that a second ago he was gently stroking and drags her dangerously towards him. Now she just can't avoid eye contact. And maybe it's better to not focus on his beautiful mouth.

That is now ranting at her. -What are you talking about?- the tone seems desperate, pained. -I will have called you thirty times and surely your voice mail will be clogged.- in fact it was really so. She didn't believe he would be able to go that far and listen to him beg her to tell him if she was okay, that the rest didn't matter, that he just needed to know that everything was ok... of course he shook her. But not enough to give her the strength to answer and reassure him. Why the hell was she so stupid?

Luke doesn't seem to think this of her, but the blonde continues straight on the road that will lead her to crash and collect the pieces of her heart. -I thought you would get there alone.- the voice, however, is already trembling, and she is wavering and seeking support in the door, rather than in him.

She reads sincerity in his face, yet she is unable to do anything other than boycott her own happiness. -Penelope, let's face it: did you think it was just a joke?- she doesn't nod, nor does she deny. Her eyes speak, confess. -Really? After everything we've written to each other?- a vein in his neck throbs, his face is red and his eyes are shiny. It's the first time she's seen him so furious. And to know that she is the reason... no, it is not at all good.

Even if she tells him exactly the opposite. -You're not cute when you're angry.- she shoots before she can stop it. This is not a thought that first formed in her mind and then was came out from the mouth. No, it born of nowhere.

Luke frowns. He is so puzzled that he lets her go. -What?- and she can no longer deny. She would like to have his arms around her back and his lips on hers. By this time, she could have already gotten it, if she wasn't an idiot and a coward. Never again, she promises. Never repeat the same mistake again.

-I won't take it back.- from now on she will be 100% sincere, even if it means having to suffer. She was never able to protect herself from the feelings that people cause her before Luke Alvez appeared on her radar. Why was everything different with him right away? She already knows the answer to this question too. She looks him straight in the eye. She could so easily fall in love with him... and it probably has already happened. -I said you're not cute when you're angry.- she tries to use a firm, stable tone of voice, even if a samba contest is taking place inside her.

Luke's face darkens. -But I'm not mad at you. I'm... just sad.- he has found a way to make her feel guilty, and almost certainly he is not aware of it. Both his attitude and tone are killing her. -It was so difficult to find the courage to ask you out and...- she interrupts him, practically caught by an electrocution. For a moment she sees him kneeling at his feet. No less insecure than now, despite they having been together for years. Willing to stay with her, even if she were to say no. And she can no longer really continue to doubt.

-Oh God. You really wanted to go out with me.- she starts shaking her head and at the same time her legs melt. Luke promptly holds her up, making her rest on his chest. He sticks his fingers in her blonde strands. Just to get this, the evening cannot be considered a fiasco, for him.

-I still want it.- he whispers. Then he sees her closing her eyes and trying to reach his lips. He barely rejects her, practicing violence against himself. -No, no kisses- Penelope teases him with a lost puppy look, abandoned in a cardboard while it's about to rain  -don't look at me like that, don't tempt me, it wouldn't be fair.- he feels a jerk, but he has already waited so long that twenty-four more hours won't make much difference. Quite right? He could convince himself. -I want to do things right, with you.- because she deserves it, that's what he doesn't add. Because he doesn't want too much frenzy to extinguish their flame, even if he doesn't really believe it's possible.

She tickles him on the chest through the layers of cloth. -But between us has there ever been anything normal and ordinary?- she replies promptly. And she's right. Fucking right. Her scent, the same of the letter, clouds his brain. But he holds on.

-But I'd still like to try.- Penelope nods, giving up and contenting herself with embracing him and trying to merge with the male body. -Then, will you blow me off a second time?- it had to be a joke, but she catches the few shades of seriousness in it.

She sighs, touching his neck and catching his eyes. -I can't promise you that I will. I wish I could, but my... fears, sometimes... win and...- Luke nods too, because this is a fight he has often faced, since he met a certain Penelope Garcia, BAU’ computer technician.

He takes her face in his hands. -I hope you just know that on the other side there is a man waiting anxiously and with heavy heart.- the phrase seems too retro and artificial to remain serious. Straight output directly from a nineteenth-century comedy. -Look, I made you laugh, it's already something.- he rests his lips on her forehead. -It's all real, Penelope, you don't have to be afraid you can suffer. Do you believe me?- he feels her nod.

But she understands alone that he also needs to hear it from her voice. -Yes.- even if it's a murmur, just whispered.

Luke smiles. -Well.- he's going to do something again that is against what he really wants. Kissing her, entering her apartment, closing the door with his foot, as they do in the movies and scandalizing Sergio. What would be wrong with that? -Now I go home, I have to force myself, otherwise I would stay here with you forever.- her eyes are exactly asking him why he shouldn’t. -I put almost all the cards on the table, I think I can't do more.- he comes off with difficulty, it's really a painful action.

For her too. -See you tomorrow, Luke.- she greets him only. But then the man turns, before turning to take the stairs, and then she adds a simple, very small sentence. That changes everything. -I'll miss you!-

---------------------------

TAGS: @martinab26​​​   @thinitta​​​  @garvezz​​​ @mercedes-maldonado​​​  @shyladystudentfan​​​  @pegasus-scifichick​​​ @paperwalk​​​  @inlovewithgarvaz​​​ @the-ellen-stuff​​​ @astressedwriter​​​  @symphonyashley​​​​ @veronicafiore88​​​​ @kofforever​​​​ @myhollyhanna23​​​​ @tootsienoodles​​  @centiaaa​​  shadowdreamer5 @penelopesluke​​ @dumbdraws​​ @onefail-at-atime​ @reidskitty13​ @adorarapril​ @princesstreaclefanfic​ @glocknade111-blog​ @magiunific​ @fallen-novak​ @dreatine​ @hopelessdayydreamer​ Tell me if you want to be removed! ^_^

[bob-dude]

Some Orange Jerk’s Hazbin thoughts, the longer version.

As I mentioned in a prior post, I  thought the pilot was so-so. Don't hate it with a capital H but find everyone's love for this show to be... odd. Though considering the late 2000s Devinart vibe I get from the show’s art style, probably not too odd now that I think about it. So here’s my longer, more rambly, thoughts on Hazbin Hotel by some rando Orange Jerk on Tumblr.  And as always, more power to ya if you do love it, obviously.

Art direction wise, I’m just not crazy about Viv’s color choice. The red and black and pinks give a Valintine’s day meets Wonderland Queen of Hearts vibe that just doesn't personally work for me on a visual level. 

As for hell itself, I thought the background stuff like ‘Radio Hack’ and the main city being named Pentagram to be... eh? Like, that’s the kind of world-building we’re going with here? It felt less like Hell and more like a city with the trapings of Hell, at least for me. 

So, main cast, the trio as it were. Eh. Meh. Like, Charlie is a Disney Princess of Hell... even though no one treats her as one respect wise which just strikes me as odd from a background perspective. And Charlie has that standard Disney nativity going on... even though she was born and raised in Hell? Like, why bother to make your most optimistic and native character a denizen of hell if she’s not going to look or act the part personality wise?

The reason the personality thing confuses me I guess,  is that take Charlie out of Hell and we’ve seen her character a thousand times before: The bubbly sweet optimistic girl that’s been done so many times before.  Is the ‘But in Hell!’ aspect really that much of a grabber for people? Guess it is and more power to em but it just strikes me as a strange creative choice where once again a character's personality doesn’t logically flow from their background. 

Design-wise Charile is fine, red tux reminds me of the God from the 1977 Oh God movie so that gets a thumbs up in my book. Still a bit weird that a princess is wearing it but it makes sense with the Hotel set up and all so her outfit has a logic to it. 

Then we have Vaggie. So, legit question here people: If you went into the pilot blind and Angle Dust didn’t make his ‘taco’ comment would you have ANY idea that Vaggie is supposed to be Latina? Because I legitimately had no idea that was what her design was supposed to say about her as a charchter. Also didn’t really get a moth vibe from her, either if I’m honest. As for her personality, she’s the standard ‘loving supportive’ GF but with an angry side protective side for Charile... and she’s a Latinia/Latinix.  Does... Does no one else think that’s just a bit... off? Making the one clearly marked Latinia character the ‘angry girlfriend’ archetype? 

Also, that weird pink X eye patch bugged the hell out of me when I was watching. Totally petty as shit nitpick, but I had to vent on that bit. Honestly, though Vaggie is also Meh? Like, she’s in a relationship with Charlie, cool and all but she just doesn’t strike me as a terribly interesting character if I’m honest. Gives me a sort of Lisa Simpson ‘stick-in-the-mud’ vibe. 

And then we have Angle Dust. You know, in the words of Netflix’s Big Mouth, “Sassy and Gay”  isn’t a personality. Angle Dust basically has that sort of ‘2000s  Yaoi OC’ vibe and considering Vive once had a DA character sheet where she literally listed his personality is ‘Bitch’... Yeah. 

Also, as I’ve said elsewhere, Viv and crew are doing too much with this guy. So he’s an ex mobster killed by his homophobic father in the 1920s (not mentioned in the pilot but it is a pilot in all fairness so you can’t throw all your cards on the table). And he’s a Spider Demon... even though per Word of Viv how everyone’s designed in hell doesn’t have anything to do with how they died on Earth (then why deign them that way?). And he’s a porn star (being ex Mob shouldn’t he be the one paying for porn stars as a power domination sort of thing?). AND he’s going for a Beetlejuice meets CJ from Regular Show sort of design.

It just seems a bit much, imo. Like, you could make him just a gay ex mob who mostly uses a Tommy Gun and design him to fit that and leave the Spider-Demon stuff out and it becomes a lot more manageable. Something like a simplified Zoot Suit, or the like. You could keep the sexual humor but throw it a bit more 1920s slang and pop culture references for characterization/comedy purposes (Vaggie, for example, has no idea what he’s talking about most of the time). Granted, I’d personally rather they ditch the ‘animal bits slapped on’ aspects of the designs as a whole but that, as always is just me.

For the record, I’m not ‘offended’ by Angle Dust as a character concept, I’m just not wowed or impressed, ultimately.

And then we have Alastor. Now, I LOVE Alastor as a character. He’s got that classic ‘reality warper’ vibe ala Bill Cipher or Discord but with a 1920s radio show host twist that I just think is amazing and the sound distortion they added to his voice was a really cool touch on top of it all. The problem, as always, comes more with the color choice. One one of your own characters can’t take someone seriously because they look like a ‘strawberry pimp’ that might be the time to maybe go with a different color pallet? Like, idk,  maybe throw in some warm browns and brass golds to involve the 1920s radio vibe stronger? Radios of the 20s and 30s weren’t famous for being red, is what I’m getting at.

The other problem with Alastor is that he’s too strong a personality, ironically. He comes in at the tail end of the pilot and basically steals whatever interest a potential audience member (or at least fat orange jerks like me) might have had in Charlie's plight. It's like introducing Bill Cipher in the first episode of Gravity Falls. At that point whatever interest you might have had in the MC goes out the window and you think ‘what’s this dudes deal and can the show be about them instead please?’ Sure, Alastor in all of his pesudo deer (Those don’t look like horns in my opinion but whatever you say Viv) is fun to watch but he drowns out Charile through sheer force of charisma and showmen ship. Maybe the series itself will fix this but for the pilot at least I think it’s an issue.  

Also, Nifty is Nifty and she needs her own spin-off ASAP. That is all. 

Husk is literally Avocato from Final Space with wings and some gambling bits thrown in design-wise. That’s literally all I think of Husk, sorry Husk fans :(

The animation is good, but I do find it ironic that as much as people like the bitch about  SU being off model, Hazbin I thought suffered from so many different animators tackling different scenes that it just felt jarring going from one scene to the next due to the difference in style and the shifts in animation pacing. Now, don’t get me wrong, a lot of it looks great but that switch in animators kinda just took me out of the experience in places.  Well, that and the lack of proper scene transitions. Those are what also made the pilot feel like whiplash for me.

And now comes to Bob’s thoughts on the plot of the pilot and this is where the logical holes of the series start to get to me just a bit.

So. Charlie wants to reform the demons of hell of their sins so they can get to heaven and Hell can lower its population and angles down come down and deliver some righteous furry smiting on their asses. Okay. Stupid question but what the hell is Charlie basing this off of? I mean, was AD really THAT good an actor that Charlie thought going full steam ahead on the Hotel idea was the next reasonable step up?

 Like, the Hotel was clearly a mess and her staff is literally just her and Vaggie and MAYBe Angel Dust. Even if the episode had ended with a horde of demons lining up to get into heaven by way of cleaning up their acts there’s no way two, three people could handle that (Or, you know, six if we throw in Nifty and Husk in fairness now that I think about it).

 And that’s ultimately the thing with the pilot, the demons are assholes as you’d expect the citizens of hell to be but if they are assholes... why should we care if they get redeemed or not when not one of them is clearly interested in the idea? As cheesy as it would have been, the pilot ending with a horde of demons wanting to give this ‘become better’ thing a shot would have at least left the pilot on a better note to end on. As it is it just seems like Charlie is doomed to fail because no one but her gives a shit or belives about her idea for the Hotel and we have no proof that her idea will even work. Which just makes me wonder: Why should I care if no one else does?

Ultimately, the show has potential but the art style and aspects of the writing just don’t click for me. The show doesn’t say ‘adult’ to me so much as it does 'Hot Topic Teen trying to be adult' which works for a lot of people but for me I think Hellevua Boss as more potential concept-wise. And has scenes on Earth which do the red and black and pink and white colors of the demons a lot better visual justice contrast wise but that’s just me. 

[hoodlessmads]

I’m Caught Up With Bloom Into You

Gosh, where do I even begin with this series?

I watched the first episode, and by the end, honestly, I thought it was going to be pretty dumb. Cute! But dumb. And I do love me some dumb cute precious romance.

But W O W that’s not what Yagakimi is. It successfully pulls of an excellent bait-and-switch on the reader/viewer not just once but twice--the first is at the end of the first episode (the part where I assumed it was going to be kind of cheesy and dumb), and the second around halfway through the anime series. The first one is basically the premise of the story, so it doesn’t really count as a bait-and-switch unless you go in blind like I did. But the second one takes all of the reader/viewer’s expectations up to that point and turns it on its head. And even beyond that scene, the entire series is chock full of moments that demolish your expectations for what direction the story is taking and who the characters are. Every single chapter I felt like I was being thrown for a loop, and learning something unexpected and new about the characters. Even up to the most recent damn chapter I feel like I have no idea what Nakatani-sensei is going to throw at us. And all of this is me making a point that this manga is DEEP.

I could talk at length about how gorgeous the anime is, how well-directed certain scenes are, how incredible the Japanese voice acting was (didn’t see the dub, but if anyone can carry Touko’s emotional range it’s the fabulous Luci Christian so I’m sure it’s decent), or how much I stan Michiru Ooshima. It was a great adaptation and I sincerely can’t wait for Season 2. But I’m not going to talk much about that. Instead I just need to talk about the story (the manga).

(spoilers up through Chapter 39)

You know what one of the many great things about Yagakimi is? In spite of the fact that it deals with same-gender relationships and queer issues, and while it does periodically address those issues, they’re actually not the primary focus of the characters or their struggles. From day one, Yuu is much less concerned about Touko being a girl than she is about her own inability to feel anything towards her (supposedly). And that’s not to say that those issues are ignored, like they are in some anime of this particular genre. The characters don’t live in a paradisiacal vacuum where being gay in Japan isn’t a problem and everyone around them is magically super accepting. Yuu’s sister is incredibly sweet and accepting (I love her), but her dad makes casual homophobic comments. Even after Touko initially confesses to Yuu, Yuu brushes it off as something she “probably doesn’t have to worry about” because they’re both girls, and it’s weird. Riko Hakazaki has to hide from her students, coworkers, and workplace, that she’s living with her girlfriend, because it could cause legitimate problems for her if they knew. During Sayaka’s first lesbian relationship, when she is still figuring herself out, her own girlfriend tells her that it’s “just a phase” and that she’s sorry that she “made her” that way. Even much later, when Yuu is conflicted about how she should confess her feelings to Touko, her sister Rei immediately assumes (understandably so) that she’s conflicted because of the whole gay thing. Rei starts worrying about how the family will react, if they will be accepting and supportive of her sister. Little does she know, being gay is the least of Yuu’s problems at that point.

But is being gay and the societal backlash that comes with it really that inconsequential to Yuu’s story? Yuu Koito struggles to develop romantic or sexual feelings for anyone. She exhibits clear signs of depression--intense apathy, emotional repression, struggles to find genuine joy in anything. A lot of people have posited even that she exhibits signs of sexual repression specifically. And this is one of the core conversations we can have about Yuu’s character. How much of her “inability to love” is because she is legitimately somewhere on the ace spectrum, perhaps demisexual (she develops feelings after getting to know someone, to put it simply)? And how much of it is her unconsciously repressing her own feelings (perhaps homosexual) for her entire life, resulting in a scenario where even she doesn’t know how to get them back? There isn’t a clear answer here. No one knows. Yuu doesn’t even know. And that’s the point!

The characters. Are so. Good. Yuu, Touko, and Sayaka are the obvious powerhouses here, all three of them multi-layered people that I can and will analyze at length. But Yagakimi doesn’t sleep on the minor characters either. Yuu and Touko don’t exist in a vacuum. From Yuu’s sister and her boyfriend to Maki, the juxtaposing aromantic and asexual friend and ally, to Yuu’s surprisingly likable best friends, to Hakozaki-sensei and her girlfriend Miyako, to even Dojima. Everyone matters. Everyone gets their own little storyline. I’m tempted to be reminded of Kimi ni Todoke and the brilliant way it handled its side characters here. Although Bloom Into You is much shorter than KnT, and therefore has a lot less time to develop those side characters and relationships, it still provides them with their own layers, their own problems, their own mini-spotlights. And it makes me care about every single one. Riko and Miyako’s cute ass and wholesome adult love story, Akari’s dumb doomed crush on basketball senpai, Koyomi’s dreams of becoming an author and her infatuation with a certain idol of hers, Maki’s experiences as a contented bystander. I adore and welcome it.

Let’s talk about Touko Nanami before this gets any longer than it needs to be. To be honest, I have a type when it comes to characters, and it’s the ones that are suicidal and hate themselves, probably because I relate to that stuff more than anything (though I also relate to Yuu’s apathetic brand of depression). This character. This character. One of the things I love most about her is how consistently the reader is lured into thinking they know her, and then consistently proven wrong. (I think we share this experience with Yuu.) It takes episodes, chapters, volumes to slowly chip away at the layers and layers of personality we’re given before we finally arrive at the truly heartbreaking core, which is a girl with a fractured identity and deep, deep self-loathing that defies all logic. And it’s because it defies all logic that it’s so scary. Because that kind of self-hatred doesn’t just go away. You can’t just fix it. It’s there to stay, and it’s not just your friendly neighborhood self-hatred--painful, but an otherwise harmless roommate. It’s actually dangerous, and it has the power to destroy Touko’s relationships with others and even destroy herself. (The scene in the anime where she stands in front of the railroad tracks and almost takes a step forward, thus nearly giving me a heart attack, comes to mind.) It defies logic, so there’s no logical way to beat it, either. And it’s not just the self-loathing that gets me and makes my heart hurt for her; it’s the loss of oneself, the lack of one’s identity as an individual. The loss of on’s own sense of self, especially at such a young and vulnerable age, is debilitating. Touko is really good at wearing that super serene smile, but when the chips are down, nothing is going to stand in the way of her and what essentially amounts to obliterating herself from existence. Not even Yuu. And then we come to her crippling fear of being loved by anyone, which is an aspect of self-hatred that probably doesn’t get enough acknowledgment. She hates herself to the point that the thought of someone loving her, which should make her happy, actually hurts. How fucked is that.

But I never gave Touko enough credit. To be honest, in chapter 34 when Yuu (finally) confesses, I was expecting her reaction to be really bad. Like, really bad. I was expecting a shitshow, a blowout of their relationship (temporarily of course). I was expecting basically what Yuu thinks that she got. And for that one page, I swear I felt my heart forcibly ripped from my chest. But then I read the next page and was surprised to see just how much she’s changed over the course of the series, how unexpectedly maturely she took the confession and examined her own feelings afterwards, how quickly (and once again, maturely) she deduced that she’d been making Yuu suffer. It makes me appreciate their relationship even more than I did before, and it makes me want to root for them. (Not that I wasn’t already.) The chapters just keep getting better and better from here on, I swear.

Sayaka deserves her own post, but the queen has her own novel series at least. Sayaka could SO EASILY have been that bitch. Nakatani could have created this rival love interest who treated Yuu like shit and was a possessive asshole and just stopped there. But instead, we got Sayaka, who ends up being one of the best and most well-developed characters. And in the many many times where I was calling Yuu and Touko “you dumb bitch,” Sayaka was there, the smartest and most honest of the three by far, which was refreshing. Her backstory is utterly heartbreaking, her love for Touko touching as hell, and her rise from the ashes, so to speak, is inspiring. Fuck that senpai. Sayaka isn’t even that mean to Yuu, on top of it all. I mean, she can be kind of snippy. And understandably so. But they actually end up surprisingly getting along? I am shook to my core. Sayaka’s growth is one of the greatest sights to behold in this series. Her friendship with Touko isn’t sidelined in favor of Touko’s relationship with Yuu--far from it. Sayaka provides her own unique support and sparks Touko’s development in a way that Yuu never could. Their friendship is crucial. By the time Sayaka FINALLY confesses, I was so god damn proud of her and her bravery, I swear I could have cried. While Yuu was busy being in practiced denial for 40 chapters, Sayaka was OUT THERE learning to be completely up front and honest with herself and others about her feelings. (Not to knock on Yuu, because she has her own arc to go through to get there.) That whole fucking scene where they’re both just sobbing about shit afterwards Got Me.

Ugh. It’s been an emotional few days. I’m really glad I decided to start watching that first episode, because this entire series has been a series of pleasant surprises. This is a good anime, ya’ll. It’s a good character study. It’s a good love story. It’s a good gay love story. It’s all of those things. You could literally talk forever about all the nuances of this story and characters and all the things that make it as good as it is. This long ass post just brushes the surface. For now, I’m anxiously (ANXIOUSLY) awaiting chapter 40. If you know, you know.

[sodomymcscurvylegs]

Broken Age, Act 1, Mini Review:

The point-and-click adventure genre has seen a bit of resurgence in the last few years, in part thanks to Telltale Games, a developer who has proven that the once diminishing genre still has a lot of kick left. With games like The Walking Dead, The Wolf Among Us, and even their own take on the Monkey Island franchise, Telltale has proven that there is still a market for games like this. In a bid to return to this genre, Double Fine's Tim Schafer (of Grim Fandango, Monkey Island, and Psychonauts fame) created a Kickstarter project in February, 2012 for a new point-and-click adventure. The result, after $3.45M+ and over 87K backers, was Broken Age. But, was it worth? Check out this mini review to find out. 

The Good:

Broken Age, Act 1 is the first half of Double Fine's Kickstarter-backed project, which earned the support of many, many fans before its release. At its core, it's meant to represent an old school style point-and-click adventure, featuring two seemingly unrelated stories between two seemingly separate characters. One, Shay, is a young man living in a space ship of sorts, where a motherly computer controls every facet of his life in order to "protect him." The other, Vella, is a young girl who escapes a sacrificial ritual where she is to be offered up as a meal to he massive monster, Mog Chothra. The crux of the game's design is that it allows the player the ability to switch between these two characters at will, as he or she goes around solving puzzles and interacting with the game's world. The story of the game is easily its greatest asset. There is a very well woven tale here, with memorable characters and some legitimately laugh-out-loud moments. Interestingly enough, however, the story also includes several very dark themes that are masterfully added in, and which provide conflict for the two protagonists. It all comes together in the end, with first act finale full of fantastic twists and turns that the player will not expect.

Artistically and graphically, Broken Age is gorgeous, there is no doubt about this. The game looks like a moving drawing, and its use of color and character design create a really beautiful atmosphere that sells the game's world; both, its lighthearted and dark sides. The sound, too, is excellent, with superb voice acting and a really good soundtrack, adding an extra layer of credibility to the game's universe. The Bad:

Unfortunately, the first act of Broken Age has a few issues, and most of them center around its core design. The point-and-click adventure genre is notorious for its difficulty, mostly due to developers deciding on ridiculously obtuse logical sequences required from the player in order to solve a puzzle and then advance to the next equally ridiculous puzzle. Broken Age side-steps this problem by being in the opposite camp; it's just entirely too easy. There is very little challenge here and the puzzle design in the game never really reaches any kind of great height; none of the situations the player is put in require any kind of creativity or cleverness. This is a shame, because, at times, it makes Broken Age feel less like a game and more like an interactive story. The story, too, while overall really interesting, is a bit uneven. Between the two characters, Shay's story is definitely the more compelling one, with the more interesting characters and which carries a deeper sense of mystery. This isn't to suggest that Vella's story is bad, but, that it simply isn't quite as exciting in many ways, even if it does include the only "boss battle" in the title. It's a minor issue, considering you can switch between the two characters at any time, so if you tire of one, you can work on the other character's story. But, still, it's worth mentioning.

The Final Verdict:

The game is an enjoyable time, and definitely worth at least one playthrough, if only to experience its artistic beauty. Unfortunately, the game is somewhat lacking in the gameplay deparment, but it is by no means offensive. It straddles the line of being just acceptable enough to ignore, yet, not so surprisingly well designed as to be lauded as something spectacular. Luckily, the game still has another act coming, which might improve on the problems of this first half. If you like Double Fine's previous games and want a game you can play while relaxing, while interacting with a well written world, its conflicts, and characters, then give this one a shot.

  You Might Like This Game If: - You like point-and-click adventures. - You like Double Fine's sense of comedy and their great writing. - You want to play something compelling, but which doesn't require too much work/thought on your part. You Might Not Like This Game If: - You are looking for challenging puzzles. - You are looking for something to take you back to the old-school point-and-click adventures of yesteryear. - Don't want a game that ends in a cliffhanger, no matter how well written. Personal Score:

8.0 out of 10.

Quick Rundown: 

Developed by Double Fine Productions

Published by Double Fine Productions

Released on January, 2014

Rated “Not Rated”

[segadores-y-soldados]

Retribution and Reapercussions

A follow-up to “Long Reasons Not to Trust Moira in Retribution”, “A Clash of Kings,” the post about the declassified Blackwatch memorandum on Venice, a post about Overwatch and Blackwatch investigating their own organization, “The Immortal Soldier?”, and other essays.  The ones linked above are the most important at the moment.

McCree: Did you even consider what was gonna happen before you pulled the trigger?  Reyes: I made a decision - I’ll deal with the consequences.  McCree: What, like gettin’ the four of us killed?  Reyes: That’s not going to happen.

---

McCree: How are you gonna explain this to the Strike-Commander?  Gabriel: You let me worry about what Jack needs to know.  McCree: You know you can’t shoot him.  Gabriel: No, but I could shoot you.

McCree: Our target was dead, so I guess he got what was coming to him.  But still…it didn’t seem right.  But that wasn’t the end of our problems: for the first time, people knew we were out there.  New faces stepped up to fill the void in Talon.  And I can’t help but wonder…if that’s where it all started to go wrong.

“Long Reasons Not to Trust Moira in Retribution” covered a lot of the evidence, ideas, and possible hypotheses that went into creating “the perfect storm” of the Venice mission, where different ideologies, motivations, personalities, and perspectives collided and struggled with one another for the “fate” of Overwatch and its narrative control.

In that essay, I touched on some of the consequences of the mission, but not in full detail.  This post will likely be the first of several that pull together what we know occurred after Retribution in the Overwatch timeline, and how several of those things might fit together.  It’s going to build on what was written in “Long Reasons,” so yes, hypotheses on top of hypotheses/analyses.

The Immediate Aftermath: minutes to several days (?) after Retribution

Three major things happen in the immediate aftermath of the Venice mission, likely within minutes to hours of the dropship returning to the Overwatch headquarters in Switzerland:

1. The debriefings: the four main agents involved in the Venice mission - Gabriel Reyes, Jesse McCree, Genji Shimada, and Moira O’Deorain - are debriefed on the mission, mainly by Strike-Commander Jack Morrison (although  possibly with Captain Ana Amari and BW agent Gérard Lacroix present as well).

2. The Venice memorandum: as a result of the debriefings, Gérard Lacroix prepares a three-page memorandum that has (for “us the audience”) been mostly declassified.  It covers Antonio’s profile, the events of the mission, and the main Talon paramilitary operatives (the four “minibosses”).  Plausibly missing (or still “classified”) from the mission are potentially further pages of the memorandum or an entirely separate document dealing specifically with:

Moira.

3. Blackwatch’s suspension and an internal investigation: likely, as a result of Moira, Blackwatch is suspended - either by Jack Morrison himself or by “higher ups” in the UN.  At minimum, the suspension lasts from the ending of the Venice debriefings to the events of Null Sector’s uprising the following year.  However, it is very likely the suspension was never formally lifted between “Retribution” and the fall of Overwatch (roughly a 2-year time period).

And, contrary to what people might think -

Blackwatch’s “suspension” means next to nothing in the interal workings of Overwatch.

Because the straightforward “truth” of the situation is that -

Blackwatch’s “formal suspension” was essentially “for show.”

...You could even call it a “masquerade.”

(A LOT more under the cut.  Seriously.  Like.  Imagine if we had all this information in like, book format or something.  Wouldn’t that be wild.  Maybe I wouldn’t have to write all of these then.)

Because what a lot of people miss

Is that it is very likely the suspension and internal investigation of Blackwatch and/or Overwatch was conducted so Jack and Gabriel could begin the process of identifying corrupted Overwatch and Blackwatch agents - a.k.a. Talon agents who have infiltrated the organization -

And start removing them from Overwatch in...some way.

And it is very possible 

That “Reaper” is still conducting this process in the present-day of the Recall era.

To recap:

Jack: Alright, Gabriel.  Start from the beginning Gabriel: We arrived in the Venice safehouse and set up surveillance on the manor.  We executed our plan, under cover of darkness. …You sure you want to hear about this, Jack? Jack: You haven’t left me much choice. Gabriel: What ever happened to ‘plausible deniability?’ Jack: Little late for that.  Tell me what actually happened. Gabriel: Haha, well, Jack - that’s one hell of a story.

(source)

The original mission objective - as described by both Gabriel’s comic and McCree’s narration - was to infiltrate Antonio’s compound in Rialto, secret Antonio to a secure location, and get intel on Talon from him.  In fact, McCree himself originally wanted to “[send] a stronger message” to Talon by killing Antonio, but Gabriel tells him to calm down because Antonio’s information is more important to Blackwatch’s and Overwatch’s goals than his death (as shown above).

Again, this original objective is reaffirmed by McCree’s narration, as well as Gabriel’s debriefing, McCree’s debriefing, Genji’s debriefing, and several interactions during the course of the mission.

However, when the Blackwatch team enters Antonio’s office, they have a surprise waiting for them:

Antonio has been expecting them.

And he is completely unfazed by the “threat” of his arrest.

When all the context clues and pieces of evidence are put together, then what happens next is that Gabriel realizes -

His new agent and “doctor” - a scientist he personally recruited, likely to cure his “condition” -

A “cure” which Gabriel has been hoping for for decades -

Has betrayed him.

Gabriel let his emotionality, hopes, dreams, and idealism walk him and two agents into a trap -

And not with Antonio -

But with Moira.

When it comes to tactics, strategy, and stealth, Gabriel Reyes might be the most intelligent, methodical, critically-aware character in the current “universe” of Overwatch.  He’s certainly among the top few for it: he is credited with leading the original Strike Team - a task force of only five known individuals - with stopping the global robot apocalypse.  He has canonically outsmarted machines and “God AI”.  While we don’t know his pre-Overwatch military background, we do know (based on Soldier’s Commando skins) that he was probably in a branch dealing with special operations and unconventional warfare of some sort.  Following the ending of the Omnic Crisis, Gabriel Reyes successful led Blackwatch - Overwatch’s covert operations division - for twenty years before Overwatch was formally disbanded.

He may not be able to build a Tesla Cannon 

But Gabriel Reyes is pretty goddamn smart.

And when “we the audience” realize that Gabriel Reyes is, essentially, the only person fully aware of all the information he has given Moira or let her “experiment” with -

Then it is honestly not all that surprising that Gabriel rapidly figures out what has happened in Antonio’s office.

In Antonio’s office, Gabriel knows:

1. Jesse McCree - however mad or upset or resentful he can get - is a loyal and just individual, and that he has been working in Blackwatch under Gabriel’s orders for about twelve years at that point.  

2. Even if he is new, Genji Shimada legitimately does not know who Antonio is:

Genji: Who was Antonio? Gabriel: He’s an arms dealer, with some…other interests - more and less legitimate. McCree: …Not anymore.

Genji is also deeply angry and actively loathes criminals.  He would not join Talon.

3. Only two other people “outside that room” were even aware that the Venice mission was happening, and they were: the pilot who brought them to Venice and then was put on stand-by, and Jack himself.  However, neither of these two individuals knew the details of the mission, and therefore could not have betrayed the team to Antonio.

4. Blackwatch had snuck a surveillance device into Antonio’s office, and yet Gabriel rapidly realizes that they have obviously missed something super important (e.g. a “double-agent”), so clearly significant conversations between Antonio and certain other people could not have occured in his office. This means Antonio had been warned to avoid using his office. 

Moira: I wouldn’t describe this as ‘light resistance’…quality intelligence we received. Genji: It makes no difference to me. Moira: …How droll. McCree: Aww, even though we snuck that surveillance system into Antonio’s office, our intel’s a little spotty. Genji: Next time, you should leave it to me.  I can spy upon our enemies - unseen…and undetected.

5. Therefore, there is only one other person who: 1) knew the details of the mission, 2) knew that Antonio’s office was bugged, 3) was “new enough” to Blackwatch that Gabriel could not logically verify her “loyalty” to the division or to Overwatch as a whole, 4) was already ethically compromised or ambiguous in her research, and 5) who had enough of Gabriel’s own emotional trust and vulnerability that he could’ve let himself get blindsided by her actions or promises.

However, Gabriel also realizes something incredibly crucial:

Moira is the only member of the four-person Blackwatch team capable of healing others.

The only way McCree and Genji are getting out of Venice alive is if Moira cooperates with them.

Remember: Gabriel Reyes is one of the smartest characters in the Overwatch universe -

And he realizes that he has to play a very delicate game here:

He cannot let McCree and Genji die.

He cannot get them out of Venice without a healer or medic.

He is a battle-hardened soldier, a good commander, a great tactician, and probably a semi-immortal wraith, but he himself cannot kill people fast enough to protect McCree and Genji.

Therefore:

He cannot let Moira realize that he has figured out what she has done.

And to top it off -

Antonio would just be “dead weight” to his team in a critical “survival and escape” mission (especially if Gabriel has also realized that Talon agents have no qualms about betraying each other either - using Antonio as a hostage would be a moot point if the first Trooper just shoots him).

So -

Might as well make that “dead weight” literal, right?

Since the mission has been compromised well before it ever began, there’s not really “a point” in trying to maintain its already-nonexistent integrity.

What Gabriel needs to focus on now is getting McCree and Genji to safety while keeping Moira along and encouraging her to remain compliant with the team.

The latter part means “playing up” his role as a commander going renegade.

So Gabriel puts on a masquerade.

“Reaper” is both a medical condition that affects Gabriel’s state of being and a persona - semi-“masked” and semi-genuine - that he “wears”.  

Gabriel uses both “halves” of “Reaper” when situations call for it.

In fact, it is not surprising that the “personality” that Gabriel displays throughout the Venice mission - an interesting “contrast” of flippant, sarcastic casualness and humor mixed with bursts of honesty and loyalty - 

is effectively the same “mask” he “wears” years later, after the fall of Overwatch.

Because “Reaper” - the condition, the “masquerade”, the persona, the “ends justifies the means” morality - 

all work on tricking Moira.

Moira: You did what needed to be done, Gabriel.  Don’t apologize. Gabriel: I never have, and I don’t intend to start now.  Someone has to be the one to get things done.

---

Moira: Antonio was right about one thing: you will take the blame for this. Gabriel: Always have.  I don’t need the statues and medals anyways.

---

Moira: Well, that was certainly a decisive solution to the Antonio problem. McCree: It’s not how we do things! Moira: Well, it seems we’ve had a change in methodology. McCree, muttering: ...A little too much change.

---

Moira: How are you feeling, commander? Gabriel: Fine!  No ill effects so far. Moira: ...Let me know if that changes.

---

Gabriel: Am I the only one who feels hungry? Moira: That could be an unintended side effect... Gabriel: ...I was making a joke.

---

Gabriel: Enough art!  Let’s get out of here. McCree: Never had the eye for it anyways. Moira, muttering to herself: ...Philistines.

Almost all of Gabriel’s interactions throughout “Retribution” make a lot more sense if you see it as him putting on an invisible “Reaper” mask and “hamming up” his part: he goes out of his way to “egg McCree on” as a distraction for Moira, letting both Moira and McCree think that the “schism” between the commander and his agent is “getting to them.”  Almost all of Gabriel’s “edgy, sarcastic, or borderline insensitive” jokes have strong parallels to his present-day Reaper persona:

McCree: Did you even consider what was gonna happen before you pulled the trigger? Reyes: I made a decision - I’ll deal with the consequences. McCree: What, like gettin’ the four of us killed? Reyes: That’s not going to happen.

---

Reaper, killing an enemy Soldier: 76: This is how it should have been. Reaper, killing an enemy Sombra: Actions have consequences.

---------

McCree: I thought we were agreed, commander: snatch and grab, that’s it! Gabriel: Antonio was right, there was nothing we could do to him.  Now, he’s not our problem anymore. McCree: Something tells me that won’t be the case.

--- Reaper: Try to stick to the plan, Sombra. Sombra: Look, someone has to be ready when all your careful planning doesn't pan out.

---

Reaper: Looks like we're working together again. Widowmaker: Let's hope it goes better than the time at the museum.

---------

Gabriel/Reaper’s music and pop culture references:

Gabriel: I still think we should’ve gone with the original plan of disguising ourselves as the band. McCree: Do you even play an instrument, boss?  Gabriel: Not well.  McCree: Pssh, details.

---

Reaper: I’m back in black. Reaper, Mariachi skins: First you listen, then I kill.

---

McCree: Looks like they’ve brought in the heavy-hitters. Gabriel: Yeah, they’ve really rolled out the red carpet.

---

Reaper: If it lives, I can kill it. (Original quote: Predator - “If it bleeds, we can kill it.”) Reaper: I’m not a psychopath...I’m a high-functioning psychopath (Original quote: BBC Sherlock - “I’m not a psychopath - I’m a high-functioning sociopath.”)

---------

“Masquerades”:

Gabriel: It’s not exactly Carnevale McCree: You serious? Gabriel: I was looking forward to the masquerade! McCree: Fair enough.

---

Soldier: 76: Well, you sure take to this bad guy thing easily, don't ya? Reaper: And you sure know how to play boy scout.

---

Reaper: Poor Winston. Has to hide away so he doesn't scare the children. Winston: I don't even think children are afraid of you.

---

Sombra: What are we doing today, Gabe?  You don't mind if I call you 'Gabe' do you? Reaper: Stick to the mission.

---

Reaper, Nevermore skin: (upon an elimination) Nevermore. Reaper, Pumpkin skin: Must have been the costume. Reaper, killing an enemy Sombra: You never fooled me. Reaper, killing an enemy Winston: Still trying to play “hero”, monkey? Roadhog, killing an enemy Reaper: Nice mask. Ana, killing an enemy Reaper: I don’t even know you anymore.

---------

“Reaper” in the Recall era frequently goes out of his way to make dry remarks or does something seemingly “aggressive” (especially with Winston) just to make people angry.  He does it so often and so frequently - often “failing” missions as a result - that it’s honestly suspicious.  Regardless of who knows that “Gabriel is Reaper”, “Reaper” is supposed to be a fearsome, powerful mercenary, yet mission after mission that he is put on fails.

And yet...“Reaper” is still part of Talon.

In fact, only one present-day Talon member -

finds “Reaper” and his actions...suspect.

Moira and Akande, on the other hand -

don’t.

Or rather, if they do find him suspicious, they aren’t letting on about that, or seem to think that Reaper’s abilities and skills are more important than his trustworthiness (again, this is also based off the idea that Akande possibly does not know who “Reaper” is, but only sees him as a powerful mercenary who  is...struggling to enact Talon’s vision).

What “Retribution” shows us is that Moira appears to buy into Gabriel’s “change in methodology” motivation and mission objective as being genuine, or at least being something she can use, aggravate, or “experiment” with.  She frequently encourages Gabriel’s “aggression,” or amps up McCree’s anger, or reassures Gabriel that his decision was correct.

However, this factors into our analysis of the first set of “consequences” for the Venice mission:

The Debriefings

When the Blackwatch team returns to the Swiss Base, ostensibly, the first thing conducted is the set of four debriefings.

These are both “consequences” of the Venice mission and also insights into what happened during it.  For the debriefings, we have five main audio recordings: the trailer dialogue between Gabriel and Jack, and the four “twitter” teasers.

Which means we start with:

Jack: Alright, Gabriel.  Start from the beginning Gabriel: We arrived in the Venice safehouse and set up surveillance on the manor.  We executed our plan, under cover of darkness. …You sure you want to hear about this, Jack? Jack: You haven’t left me much choice. Gabriel: What ever happened to ‘plausible deniability?’ Jack: Little late for that.  Tell me what actually happened. Gabriel: Haha, well, Jack - that’s one hell of a story.

(source)

Gabriel’s debriefing

Based on the Retribution trailer and on chain of command, Gabriel would’ve probably been the first person debriefed by Jack.

Gabriel: And what about them? We can’t walk away from this, Jack.  Jack: We won’t but we have to be smart about it.  I’ll open an official investigation on Antonio with the Italian government.  We’ll do this by the book.

What’s important to remember here is that Jack was aware the mission was occurring, even if he did not know the full details.  In fact, Jack originally wanted to start an “official investigation” into Antonio’s dealings, but was persuaded to let Gabriel try his Blackwatch, off-the-books mission first.

Jack could not “officially sanction” the mission as Overwatch’s Strike-Commander, but as Gabriel’s friend and his oldest and longest companion (in whatever...relationship terms you wish to think of that as, lol) - and as a former “special operations” soldier himself - Jack understood and personally approved of Gabriel’s desire and intentions for the original mission objective (grabbing Antonio for interrogations).  He did have a few qualms - on a personal, heart-to-heart basis - about the safety and security of the mission, but not of the intentions of the mission itself.

Jack: Gabe...I can’t officially sanction something like this. Gabriel: Not officially.  No one will ever know Blackwatch was there. Jack: I’ll leave the final call to you, but ask yourself...In the long run, will this help Overwatch keep the world safe?

What the last line by Jack shows us is that Jack trusted Gabriel and his judgment on the mission, no matter what exactly he chose to do.  This aligns with Jeff Kaplan’s description of their relationship prior to the fall:

“Reyes was relieved that Morrison had to have the more political role, and [...] it’s always easier being the number two guy because you’re not ultimately accountable for all that, Reyes was kind of, you know, in some ways thankful and relieved, um, and weirdly, we’re gonna show how that relationship actually was Morrison’s downfall because for so long, Morrison would actually defend Reyes’s questional actions.”

(source) In fact, it is heavily implied that Gabriel’s discussion with Jack is both his motivation and temperance:

His motivation to actually conduct the mission -

And likely his “temperance” to show restraint and opt for capturing Antonio instead of outright “stopping” him.

So we have to keep these things in mind:

Jack knew the mission was occuring - just not the nature of it, nor the details - but to Jack, those details originally didn’t matter so long as Gabriel was level-headed, made critical, tactically-sound decisions, and helped keep “the world” safe.  After all, Jack knows how smart Gabriel is.

That gives us significantly more context for this conversation:

Jack: Alright, Gabriel.  Start from the beginning Gabriel: We arrived in the Venice safehouse and set up surveillance on the manor.  We executed our plan, under cover of darkness. …You sure you want to hear about this, Jack? Jack: You haven’t left me much choice. Gabriel: What ever happened to ‘plausible deniability?’ Jack: Little late for that.  Tell me what actually happened. Gabriel: Haha, well, Jack - that’s one hell of a story.

(source)

I will readily admit that I have my own biases in this interpretation (no shit, right?), but to me, Jack doesn’t sound...angry.  Or bitter.  Or even all that upset?

He sound frustrated at times, especially with the “Tell me what actually happened” part, but neither man sounds...truly angry with each other.

Just that - quite simply - a mission “went awry,” and now the two of them -

The two halves of Overwatch and Blackwatch embodied -

Have to figure out the how’s, why’s, and “what happens next”.

Hell, Gabriel even gives Jack a chance to claim “plausible deniability” of the situation (for himself, not for Gabriel) by teasingly implying that Jack should back out of the conversation and effectively “save himself” from the...repercussions that will happen from the mission.  But Jack proceeds to see Gabriel’s debriefing (and the others) through, committing himself to supporting Gabriel and listening to the story.

I think that...perceiving Gabriel’s debriefing as some sort of “scolding” or “chastisement” or “talking to” reduces what is actually being implied here by the comic and the audio clips.  The conversation is short and snappy for two reasons: 1) it’s a trailer (the “no shit” reason) and 2) Gabriel and Jack have known each other and been together for over twenty years by the time of the Venice mission (math: at Recall, the Omnic Crisis was “thirty years ago.” Subtracting eight years for the mission leaves us with 22 years total).

The audio - though obviously a trailer - is short and to-the-point, though it has pepperings of Gabriel’s nonchalant humor (“plausible deniability”, “one hell of a story”) and Jack’s dry patience (“Start from the beginning,” “little late for that”).  Hell, it even (very briefly) gives Gabriel a quick moment of tenderness, when he asks, “...You sure you want to hear about this, Jack?” (again, his attempt to let Jack “walk away” from the mission and its potential consequences).

It’s true that we are obviously missing the main chunks of Gabriel’s debriefing (for narrative/story purposes because the game wants you to realize that Moira is shady on your own, even if you don’t fully believe the “Talon double-agent” theory).  But again, this audio clip, the conversation in the comic, and hell, even their future conversations:

Soldier: 76: Aren't you supposed to be dead?

Reaper: Didn't take.

Soldier: 76: One of these days someone is gonna to put an end to you.

Reaper: I invite them to try.

Soldier: 76: Well, you sure take to this bad guy thing easily, don't ya?

Reaper: And you sure know how to play boy scout.

All show us a sense of familiarity, companionship, humor, patience, even trust and loyalty between Gabriel and Jack throughout Retribution (and - depending on your stance on their Recall-era relationship - possibly even “trust” and “loyalty” then as well).

So what needs to be realized is that when Gabriel makes statements like this:

Reyes: https://twitter.com/PlayOverwatch/status/982317009777123328?s=19

"We followed the original plan and infiltrated the manor. From there, I evaluated the situation and made my decision - and I stand by it. When you're on operation, things don't always go according to plan."

He is not necessarily angry, or defiant, or defensive of his actions.  He is making a statement that Jack understands - Jack understands Gabriel’s character, his motivations, his beliefs, his personality, his personal background.  In fact, of the people present during Gabriel’s debriefing:

Jack is arguably the only person present to fully understand Gabriel in this moment.

Which is - in my opinion - exactly why Jack looks so upset here.

He trusted Gabriel.

Not just with this mission.

Not just with Blackwatch.

But with something far more important than either of those:

Gabriel himself.

As I wrote in “Long Reasons,” I believe Jack and the other members of the original Strike Team (Ana, Torbjörn, and Reinhardt) knew about Gabriel’s medical “Reaper” condition:

After all, Gabriel Reyes had been their commander during the Omnic Crisis.

But more importantly -

Gabriel Reyes had been Jack’s commander since before they even joined Overwatch together, and Gabriel has been his companion for twenty-two years since the war started.

We know that Gabriel very much fears or worries about being “left behind” - especially by Jack.  During “Old Soldiers,” he claims that Jack abandoning him is the reason he is “this thing” (a.k.a. “post-explosion Reaper”).

And - if you believe “Long Reasons” - Gabriel’s “fear” at the time of Retribution wasn’t a question of trust and loyalty -

But one of physical and medical problems:

That Gabriel “Reaper” Reyes had to consistently and constantly think about his friends and companions dying without him.

And that he didn’t want to be “left behind” -

Even by Death itself.

What Moira represented to Gabriel was a chance to be “cured” of his “curse”, free to finally live a normal life - and eventually, die a “normal death” with his friends and companions at his side.

And Jack...

Personally, I think Jack wanted Gabriel to be cured from his “curse” too - even if that meant understanding that Gabriel could face a different sort of “consequences” for his decision to be “de-wraithed.”

However, Jack is Gabriel’s calmer, more patient, more contemplative “half” - it’s part of what makes them a great pair and helps Overwatch function.

So we need to consider that if McCree, who at the time of “Retribution”, was hasty, borderline hotheaded, and ready to “dispense justice” with a bullet -

If McCree has this to say about Moira in the Recall-era:

McCree: Always thought hiring you was a mistake.

Moira: The best mistake one could ever make.

Then what the hell did “Retribution-era” Jack say about her recruitment?

Because what do we know about Jack and Moira?

“We stand on the brink of a breakthrough in human evolution.  I have dedicated my life to unraveling its secrets.  I take risks that others would consider to be ‘unwise,’ for I do not share their caution.  Overwatch held back the pace of scientific discovery for decades.  They believed my methods were too radical… too controversial…

“And they tried…to silence me.”

- Moira, Origin Story (source)

Reading between the lines - 

Jack, and probably some of the different science divisions of Overwatch, shut down Moira’s personal or private lab.

Again, as I wrote in “Long Reasons”, this is likely because Moira was conducting unauthorized and unethical experiments on human clinical trials - first on herself, and then possibly on other people.  After a certain point, Overwatch - led by Jack Morrison, as usual - stepped in and stopped her.

And this, of course, is my argument for why Moira has her own personal “retribution” to enact on Blackwatch and Overwatch to begin with - along with helping bring down or disband the organization to permit more unrestricted freedom in scientific experimentation and “progress.”

So Jack probably had some pretty significant qualms about hiring Moira - a scientist who was already unethical, already controversial, and already bitter with Overwatch - to cure Gabriel’s condition.

However, canonically, Jack loved Gabriel (again, in whatever way you choose to interpret Jeff’s statement on that).

And he probably wanted what was best for Gabriel.

And so he trusted Gabriel to make the necessary “final calls” about himself and his own health.

After all, during “Retribution”, no one knows Gabriel, his intelligence, his abilities, and his motivations better than Jack.

And Jack trusts his “Commander Reyes” to make the decisions he needs to: for the world, for Blackwatch and Overwatch, and for both of them on a personal level.

Yet - for what might be the first time in their shared history together -

Gabriel’s judgment and his decision-making abilities have failed him - have failed them both.

And this is the real tragedy of “Retribution”:

It is not Gabriel’s trustworthiness, nor his “rogue” or “maverick” attitude, nor his “ends justifies the means” morality, nor even his covert ops divions that has “betrayed” him.  These things “betray” him in the public’s eyes, but not in Jack’s. Because what cuts the deepest between Gabriel and Jack in the consequences of Retribution is that something else “betrayed” them:

Gabriel’s hope.

Overwatch’s greatest strengths and virtues - its love, its optimism, its sense of justice, its motivations, its hope - are also its greatest weaknesses.

Because for the first time, someone has realized that hope can be used against critical, crucial people within Overwatch - 

Allowing them to be undermined...and weakened.

“…But there were others in the shadows, searching for ways to circumvent their rules.  Freed from my shackles, the pace of our research hastened -  together, we delved deeper into those areas forbidden by law, by morality…and by fear.”

- Moira Origin story (source)

As I wrote in “Long Reasons”, this is not the image of a man who looks angry, or upset, or defiant, or defensive of his actions.  Gabriel looks solemn, arguably even worried or conflicted, as Jack appears to be getting more and more emotional or frustrated.  And the other two expressions we can see - Ana’s look of intense concern and McCree’s scowl - only seem to heighten what is probably happening here:

That the person - the scientist, the doctor, the hope - that Gabriel had put his trust in had betrayed them.

Betrayed Blackwatch and Overwatch, yes - consequences of which would be severe and long-lasting for everyone: for Blackwatch, for Overwatch, for Talon, for different companies and organizations, for the entire world.  The repercussions of Gabriel’s trust in Moira would have a ripple effect - propagated by the Venice mission - that would eventually change history.

But also that Gabriel’s trust in Moira had betrayed them, on a personal, heart-to-heart level:

An emotional debriefing?

Yes.

But not necessarily out of anger or questions of mistrust.

But instead - quite possibly - a discussion of hope and love, betrayed.

And god, how good she must feel, how satisfied with herself - to have repaid them in kind, to have enacted retribution upon them -

An eye for an eye -

Hope betrayed for hope -

to lose everything they had worked so hard for -

just like they had tried to do to her.

A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world. 

- Moira, looking at the Earth through the telescope on Horizon Lunar Colony (original quote by Oscar Wilde)

Moira’s debriefing

McCree: https://twitter.com/PlayOverwatch/status/983147489921503232?s=19

"Everything was going according to plan. We were going to get in, grab the target, and get out. ...But then all hell breaks loose - it was like the whole damn city was trying to kill us."

Genji: https://twitter.com/PlayOverwatch/status/989172208852389888?s=19

"We were supposed to get in and out, unseen and undetected. Commander Reyes changed the plan. Survival became a primary concern."

I’m going to semi-incorporate McCree and Genji’s debriefings into this section.  It’s not that they are unimportant - they provide us with “neutral” perspectives through which we can experience and interpret the events of the mission.  The game pushes us to sympathize and “favor” McCree’s perspective by switching to his narration at the beginning and end, and by making him the most “vocal” member of the team with the most “easily unlocked” voicelines and interactions.

As I wrote above, it makes more sense (to me) to interpret Gabriel’s actions and often “tonally-conflicting” dialogue (jumping from jokes and humor to true honesty to “pushing the envelope” too far) as a masquerade and a balancing act: he has to be “honest enough” to keep McCree focused and “loyal” throughout the mission (not that he expects McCree to suddenly desert them, but that he needs McCree to “stay on target” and get out alive without doing anything “stupid”).  However, Gabriel also has to be “edgy enough” - through tactless jokes, sarcasm, and nonchalance/casualness - to keep Moira “entertained” by the mission and make her think that her experiments and her “role” in Blackwatch has started to chip away at his trust in Overwatch.

Again, much like McCree, what Moira probably doesn’t realize is that Gabriel’s trust and loyalty to “Overwatch” is far deeper and far more central to his motivations and personality than anyone (except probably one person) knows:

What McCree and Genji’s perspectives help show us is that: if Gabriel doesn’t “brief” one of his most trustworthy agents (McCree) or one of his best “assassins” (Genji) about his personal relationship and private, heart-to-heart discussions with Jack -

Then why would he ever tell Moira about them?

So we can infer that, much like McCree, Moira is unaware that Jack not only knew about the mission, but that he had given it his personal approval (paired with some personal caution) and was at least semi-aware that Blackwatch was going to be making some sort of moves in Venice.

So - much like McCree - Moira, as smart and as observant and as methodical as she is - probably has the same assumptions that Overwatch (specifically Jack Morrison) 1) will be furious about this mission and its results and 2) will attempt to “blame Gabriel” for what happened.

In fact, she says as much in the event:

Moira: You did what needed to be done, Gabriel.  Don’t apologize. Gabriel: I never have, and I don’t intend to start now.  Someone has to be the one to get things done.

---

Moira: Antonio was right about one thing: you will take the blame for this. Gabriel: Always have.  I don’t need the statues and medals anyways.

However, again, she says these things without realizing that Gabriel already knows the basics of Jack’s stance on the mission.  Gabriel can anticipate that Jack will be upset, yes, and likely that individuals like Ana and Gérard and possibly even Reinhardt and Torbjörn will get “brought in” to debrief, discuss, and analyze the situation, but Gabriel already knows that Jack has personally approved of the mission and has almost certainly approved missions like assassinations or “snatch and grab” ones in the past.

Venice isn’t a new “song and dance” for Gabriel and Jack because it “succeeded” or “failed” - 

Venice is a new “song and dance” for Gabriel and Jack because their greatest strength - their hopes and their relationship - has been compromised by Moira herself.

In fact, by the time the dropship picks up the Blackwatch team in Venice, Moira is very gleeful that (she believes) she has effectively gotten away with murder (and by “effectively” I mean literally.  She literally got Antonio to die.  She also lost a lot of her Talon “experiments” in the process, but those are...small prices to pay).

Fio: Commander, I have visual on your position.  I’m coming in for a landing, but it’s gonna be a little hot. Gabriel: Everyone, get ready to get on-board. McCree: ‘bout damn time. Moira: ...I eagerly anticipate the debriefing on this debacle.

But at the same time, Moira is way too goddamn smart to incriminate herself in her debriefing.  We the audience have to recognize that even if we believe Moira has achieved interesting “results” from her little “experiment” of pitting Blackwatch against the then-new Talon army, she is still smart enough and cautious enough to protect herself when she returns to her real “den of lions.”

https://twitter.com/PlayOverwatch/status/990259344867553281

Moira: It felt like they had an entire army after us.  The situation was highly dangerous, but the commander made the tough decisions, kept us on mission, and we got the job done.

And from the small clip we get, we can see that she covers her tracks well.

Remember:

What Genji’s debriefing shows is that - like Reyes and McCree - he is maintaining “his perspective” of the Venice mission. Everything he says in the audio clip (the focus on how Reyes “changed the plan”, and Genji’s hyperfocus on “survival”) is comparable to stuff Genji says in the mission itself: that he approves of Reyes’ decision, that he simply wants to get out of Venice alive, that he doesn’t care much about the details of Talon’s “army” (which is in contrast to McCree’s intro, outro, and debriefing audio).

This reaffirms Genji’s “trustworthiness” as an unreliable narrator and a “witness” in our conspiracy-murder mystery-spy thriller story.

The purpose of the debriefing audio clips are two-fold: 1) to help advertise the event and build hype for it from beginning to end (the “no shit” reason), and 2) to show us that three out of the four characters - though “unreliable” - maintain the integrity of their “stories” before, during, and after the mission.

And that one character “does not” - at least, not “perfectly”.

With three of the characters - Gabriel, McCree, and Genji - we can see a consistency to their “stories” (even if Gabriel fluctuates in tone and seriousness from time to time).  McCree also has his narration to help “confirm” his perspective - if he is telling “a lie”, then he’s been maintaining that “lie” for years.  Considering his character and his post-fall focus on redemption and justice, that is at odds with who McCree is.  

And again, “we the player” can double-check Genji’s trustworthiness by unlocking his interactions in the game, where we realize 1) the surveillance system “missed its mark” (and makes us question how Antonio knew about it), 2) Talon had attempted to recruit Sojiro Shimada but neither Sojiro nor Genji liked the organization, and 3) Genji has a deep, deep hatred and anger towards all “criminals” - he would never join Talon.  

We also learn that, despite what was implied by Genji’s Hero Profile, he did not actually agree to become a heavily-augmented cyborg solely to seek revenge on Hanzo.

Instead, Genji chose to become a heavily-augmented cyborg - in pain and agony, both physically and existentially - in order to walk again.

Therefore, “we the player” and Gabriel simultaneously realize that - even if we doubt Genji’s loyalty or motivations due to how “new” he is in Blackwatch - he would never be persuaded to join Talon solely for revenge.

So - much like how one particular character contrasted with the other three during the mission (in dialogue, in tone, in motivations, and in “trustworthiness”) - that same character has subtle contrasts with the others during her debriefing.

Breaking down Moira’s statements, we find a few interesting contradictions:

Moira: but the commander made the tough decisions, kept us on mission, and we got the job done.

Gabriel: When you're on operation, things don't always go according to plan.

McCree: Everything was going according to plan. We were going to get in, grab the target, and get out. ...But then all hell breaks loose.

Genji: We were supposed to get in and out, unseen and undetected. Commander Reyes changed the plan.

Bolded here for emphasis, we see that Moira’s story differs from the other three on two key points: the idea that Gabriel “kept [them] on mission” and that “the job” was somehow completed.  The other characters, however, distinctly emphasize that the mission objective was changed, lost, or “reevaluated” (e.g. that the mission switched from secreting Antonio out of Venice to survival and extraction) from the very beginning.  “The job” was ruined from the outset.  In fact, McCree has a very angry triade against Gabriel near the end of the mission where he yells that “[Blackwatch] had a plan” and that their near-deaths and brutal fight for survival was “[Gabriel’s] fault.”

Instead, Moira’s debriefing is - very subtly - the opposite.  She starts by talking about how “an entire army” was attacking them, and that “the commander made the tough decisions” but somehow kept them “on mission” and “got the job done.”  At no point does she ever mention how the situation turned critical, or that the original mission objective was lost or abandoned or changed, and she is the only character “satisfied” with Gabriel’s actions at the end of her debriefing.  

Not even Gabriel himself sounds “happy” about it.

Reyes: https://twitter.com/PlayOverwatch/status/982317009777123328?s=19

"We followed the original plan and infiltrated the manor. From there, I evaluated the situation and made my decision - and I stand by it. When you're on operation, things don't always go according to plan."

And who is sitting in the room as Moira is saying this?  Who already knows Gabriel’s version of the events and very likely knows what she has done?

Jack Morrison.

Mister post-fall “I don’t play by the rules anymore”, “an eye for an eye”, “someone will put an end to you” retribution renegade himself.

When Gabriel himself admits that he changed the mission objective because “things don’t always go according to plan”, then Moira’s calm statement that he “kept us on mission and we got the job done” is suddenly very suspicious.

But this is where things get...murky again.

We don’t know what happens to Moira as a consequence of this mission, and her role in it.

Not directly.

But we can begin to hypothesize a few things:

Her employment was a closely kept secret, until it was uncovered during inquiries following the Venice incident.  Many high-ranking Overwatch officials disavowed all knowledge of her affiliation with them.

Despite what the Hero Profile implies, this is not about Jack Morrison.  This is, instead, very likely about members of the UN or the “organizing” aspect of Overwatch, like Director Petras and his staff.

Instead, we know where Jack Morrison’s loyalties stand - they stand with Gabriel.

After all, when Gabriel gave Jack the chance to bow out of the consequences and claim “plausible deniability,” Jack chose not to.  And we know Jack would defend Gabriel’s decisions right up until the fall.

However, Overwatch found itself in yet another bind:

Arresting Moira would almost certainly result in more retaliation by Talon, either violent ones like another explosion, or political ones, like someone high-ranking or well-moneyed securing her release.

In fact, it is not a coincidence that we see both Akande and Maxmilien here, in the near aftermath of the Venice mission.  Maximilien has the power, money, and connections to get people out of jail.

Akande, of course - 

Can literally get himself or anyone else out of prison.

So even though Overwatch and Blackwatch don’t know this for certain, considering Antonio’s confidence, and Moira’s incredible cunning and intelligence, then they can probably pretty quickly surmise that - if arresting Antonio was a “bad idea” - then outright arresting Moira would be significantly worse.

However, on a personal level, Jack and Gabriel have something “far more important” to worry about:

Gabriel’s “cure.”

If they release Moira, they run the risk of losing something Gabriel has been hoping for, possibly for decades.

And it is important to remember that - in the present day, after Recall - “Reaper” does continue to work with Moira, specifically on finding this cure for his condition.  Even if Reaper has infiltrated Talon and aims to destroy it from the inside out, I believe he genuinely wants to be freed from his “curse”, and that he believes Moira is the only person capable of doing that.

I covered this in “A Clash of Kings”, but on the flipside of this, Moira’s biggest “loyalty” isn’t to a single organization or cause or ideology.

It’s to her research.

And Gabriel’s condition is her research.

It is in Moira’s best interest not to lose Gabriel, just as much as it is in his best interest not to lose her.

But what is worth those trade-offs - both then, and “now”?

In the present, I personally think Moira would let Talon fall if she thought her research was once-again jeopardized by being associated with it.  If her choice came down to keeping Gabriel/Reaper alive to continue researching on him, or supporting Akande and his war, we actually know (in theory) which side she would pick:

Michael: Moira is a scientist. She is not so much interested in conquering the world, even though she has allied herself with people who might have proclivities in that direction. She is really just into the actual science. She wants to understand the fundamentals of human life, and how they can be manipulated. She is a geneticist, and that is her primary goal, and that is all she wants.  But the thing that makes her villainous is that she doesn’t quite have like some of the morals that the rest of us have. Yes, she is very flexible. She doesn’t want anything to get in the way of her science. So when someone tries to stop her from doing something, or tells her that she needs to take more time, she has no patience for that.

(source) (emphasis is mine, and does not reflect his actual tone)

Just as easily as Moira could undermine Blackwatch for her own goals (unrestricted experimentation) during Retribution, she could undermine Akande if she thought him and the rest of Talon could harm Reaper or send him “running.”

(And, in my opinion, this is a “plot twist” waiting to happen - where Reaper either reveals himself to Talon to attack them, or begins the process of conducting a coup in Talon, and Moira must “pick a side.”  Alternately, by the time that “plot twist” happens, Moira may have enough “resources” to conduct her own research without Reaper, thus leaving Reaper isolated.  We will have to see.)

At the time of the debriefings, Moira has achieved incredible leverage over Overwatch and Blackwatch - or, more specifically, Gabriel and Jack.

She knows it.

And they know it too.

However, Moira very likely doesn’t know three important things:

The first: that Gabriel has told Jack (and Ana, Gérard, and McCree) that he believes Moira betrayed Blackwatch.

The second: that Jack knew about the mission, and while he might be upset with Gabriel for the current situation and consequences, he loved Gabriel.

So Moira doesn’t fully realize the “depths of that relationship” between Jack and Gabriel, and what one is willing to do for the other...or what lengths they are willing to go to protect each other.

The third: that despite Jack’s patience and his ability and willingness to balance all perspectives and ideologies in a difficult situation -

His “true colors” show when he believes fairness, equality, and justice have been “broken.”

That underneath the “masquerade” of the Strike-Commander hides a soldier who is just as motivated, just as critical, and just as capable of waging unconventional “warfare” as his old “commander”.

Even before the Venice mission, Jack is willing to use unconventional tactics and strategies - like Blackwatch, like “off the books” missions - to help protect the world.

Jack and Gabriel have always represented two halves of a single whole:

And they have always worked together to achieve what they needed to do - for Overwatch and Blackwatch, for the world, and for each other.

Jack believes in “retribution” just as much as Gabriel does, except that - prior to the fall of Overwatch - he was willing to let Gabriel run his Blackwatch missions “solo” so to speak, trusting Gabriel to handle his own division’s matters and organization (as I wrote above). 

However, now that Blackwatch has been compromised -

And Gabriel’s greatest secret - and his greatest hopes and fears - have also been compromised -

Dealing with the real “threat” behind the Venice mission and all its consequences is going to require something with a little more...depth to it.

Soldier: 76: Well, you sure take to this bad guy thing easily, don't ya?

Reaper: And you sure know how to play boy scout.

Gabriel and Jack know (with a lot more certainty now) that Moira does not like Overwatch, nor that she trusts the organization or its members.  She is too smart and too cunning to reveal herself and her goals to Jack, who represents everything she hates about Overwatch.

But keep in mind -

Moira: You did what needed to be done, Gabriel.  Don’t apologize. Gabriel: I never have, and I don’t intend to start now.  Someone has to be the one to get things done.

---

Moira: Antonio was right about one thing: you will take the blame for this. Gabriel: Always have.  I don’t need the statues and medals anyways.

Moira appears to buy into Gabriel’s rogue, renegade “Reaper” persona - she appears to believe Gabriel is undergoing a change in personality and motivations, and she also believes that Gabriel will be “resentful” of taking “the blame” for what happened in Venice.

And so, a “dual” approach towards Moira may be enough to convince her to “trust” Gabriel to a degree, especially if he manages to get her to believe that he hates Jack.

So - much like Retribution shows us - it’s very possible that Gabriel “puts on the masquerade” of “Reaper” again to encourage Moira to 1) cooperate with him for his “cure” -

and 2) to give him greater intel and access into Talon.

This also essentially binds Moira’s alliance to Gabriel because, as described a few times, she is far more invested and loyal towards her research and her research subjects than anything else.  Talon is merely a mechanism for her to help her reach those goals.

So while we don’t know for certain where Moira goes or what exactly happens to her between her debriefing and the fall of Overwatch, we know that - based on her present relationship and working “alliance” with Reaper - Moira probably achieved some sort of “mutally beneficial” research agreement with Gabriel, where she was possibly allowed to continue her experiments on him while believing she was undermining his relationship with Jack and Overwatch.

What Moira may or may not realize is that this also works exactly how Gabriel “Reaper” Reyes wants it to:

That if Talon is working to destroy Overwatch and Blackwatch from the inside out -

If they are going to attempt to hurt everything he has ever worked for -

Or harm the people he loves the most -

Then he is going to repay them in kind.

An eye for an eye -

An explosion for an explosion -

And a war for a war.

Now - 

Is that what Jack Morrison also wants?

We don’t know for certain but...

The soldier who emerges from the “ashes” of Overwatch sounds more like Gabriel Reyes in motivation, dialogue, power, perspective, and morality than ever before.

This isn’t a new “song and dance” for them either.

Jack plays “the hero” - or the “renegade vigilante” in the spotlight.  Gabriel plays “the villain” - or the “ruthless mercenary” in the shadows.

And together -

They are uprisings and retributions.

However, in the immediate aftermath of the Venice mission, Jack and Gabriel still have...well -

They appear to still have some hope that Overwatch and Blackwatch can be salvaged from Talon’s grasp and the consequences of the mission.

But in order to do that, they have to “put on the masquerade” of trying to play “by the rules” again:

The memorandum, Blackwatch’s suspension, and the internal investigation

As part of Gabriel’s debriefing, Gérard Lacroix - who is present during his discussion with Jack and Ana - prepares a three-page memorandum on Antonio, the mission (both the original objective and the actual events), and the Talon paramilitary units that the Blackwatch team encountered.

And - if you believe the hypothesis that Moira was already a Talon agent and the one who sold out Blackwatch to Antonio and his forces - then it’s pretty clear that that particularly significant detail is not present on the memorandum.

Like the rest of the Retribution content, this is partially for story-telling purposes (i.e. “how ‘boring’ would it be to reveal to the audience that Moira was the double-agent in a written memo?”) in the real world, and - in-universe - also partially to maintain the huge secret that Moira was a double-agent from leaking to...other people, who were probably significantly less trustworthy than the people pictured below:

As I wrote in “Long Reasons,” we know that Gabriel, McCree, and Genji are all still “active” in Overwatch about a year after the Venice mission, as all three of them are present during the events of Null Sector’s uprising.  And - as I theorized above - it’s likely that some level of “(mis)trust” was maintained between Gabriel and Moira following her debriefing, because Gabriel’s “actual secret” (his Reaper condition) was not immediately leaked to the public or “used” as blackmail by Talon in the Venice aftermath.  These two things show us that - to some degree - the truly controversial part of “Moira’s employment” (her double-agent status) was preserved as a secret somehow.

Ostensibly, it was “covered up” and “buried” by the four people present in Gabriel’s debriefing (Gabriel, Jack, Ana, and Gérard), with McCree’s loyalty winning out over his sense of justice (in this moment, at least).

This “cover up” was - on the surface level - to help maintain Moira’s cooperation towards finding a cure for Gabriel’s condition, and to prevent her from ousting Gabriel as a semi-immortal wraith to Talon, or the UN, or the world.

But on a “deeper” level, this was likely a way for Gabriel to preserve a working “professional relationship” with Moira to not only encourage her cooperation with him, but also to get him some sort of access into Talon.

And if the Venice mission was “off-the-books” -

You can sure as hell bet that “Reaper’s mission” was likely never put in writing.

If Gabriel is “going deep undercover” as Reaper into Talon, then both Overwatch and Blackwatch cannot jeopardize his mission by writing it down or documenting it.  After all, what the Venice mission showed the leaders of Overwatch was that -

The information “internal in the organization” could very easily be compromised or revealed to Talon.

Who knew information or intelligence what Moira had leaked to Talon?

After all, the memorandum shows us that Moira had not only sold out the Venice mission to Antonio -

She had also used Gabriel’s biodata and repurposed it for Talon’s “army”.

With the declassified memorandums, we can now analyze this (original post):

“Enforcer”: Elite operators within the Talon organization appear to possess genetic and cybernetic augmentation that make them extremely dangerous in combat, particularly in close quarters.

“Assassin”: Like the enforcers, Talon’s assassins possess enhanced speed, stealth, and balance and have proven extremely elusive, as their movements are near impossible to track.

“Sniper”: Amongst Talon’s assassins, their snipers are particularly notable killers.  They are equipped with top-end military optics and targeting systems, that have made them frighteningly affective in taking out high-priority targets around the world.”

"Heavy Assault”: Believed to be the products of extensive genetic engineering, these elite troopers employ an extremely powerful exoskeleton and stimulants to increase their combat effectiveness.

Critically important (as I outlined in the first post on the issue) is that all four of the different paratrooper types are either directly described as having genetic modifications, or are implied to.  “Enhanced” in Overwatch’s in-universe terminology means genetic augmentation.

In fact, though it does not say the word “genetic”, the Assassin’s description mirrors another description very closely:

Before long, [Jack Morrison] earned a coveted position in the government's controversial and still-classified (but widely acknowledged) "soldier enhancement program." Military scientists shaped Morrison and other inductees into the perfect soldiers, blessed with superhuman speed, strength, and agility.

(source)  

This is the key takeaway from the “declassified” memos: nothing major was revealed in the writing itself (e.g. it does not say and never was going to say that “Moira O’Deorain betrayed the mission”), but instead, all the contextual writing implicates Moira’s involvement with Talon.  Especially important is the way the descriptions of the different paratroopers mirror the “enhancements” that characters like Gabriel and Jack had received in the Soldier Enhancement Program - 

Information which Gabriel had trusted to Moira in order to help her find a cure for his SEP-caused condition.

The memorandum was not written to document the exact words of Gabriel’s debriefing - doing that would immediately put everyone in much greater danger.  Instead, the memorandum was written just to document Antonio’s background and profile, the exact events of the mission, and the descriptions of Talon’s paramilitary soldiers. Most memorandums - even classified ones - are sent to other people, or send “upwards” in an organization to help inform people “higher up” on the chain of command on a certain situation or information.

So everyone knew that the Venice memorandum would get passed to people who probably were not trustworthy.

Instead, the most important parts of Gabriel’s debriefing either couldn’t be written down at all, or had to be written and then immediately stored in a truly safe, truly secure location.

(In ARG terms, the Overwatch “Archives” are - 100% - not the place to do that.  In fact, Michael Chu jokingly hinted that Sombra is the one “unlocking” the Archives material for the world to see.  While it’s possible we will see the full consequences of Moira’s role in Blackwatch in a later, playable event, I’m more inclined to believe that - like the “truth” of Retribution - that “plot twist” will be revealed in such a way that the player has to “put the pieces together” for themselves.)

This means that - whatever the four people present in Gabriel’s debriefing decided to do -

They knew they couldn’t write it down.

They also realized that - on top of not being certain what information has been compromised - 

They also don’t know who has been compromised within Overwatch and Blackwatch.

However, this creates a bit of a problem:

How do they help maintain Gabriel’s secret - and also maintain Moira’s cooperation - without risking either of these “secrets” falling into the “wrong hands” -

Whether that is Talon’s:

Or...something much bigger’s:

I do not think that they completely realized how “deep” the “conspiracy” goes - not in that moment.

But I think they understood the gravity of the situation:

That it had the potential to go much, much deeper than “just Moira.”

McCree’s ending narration effectively implies this:

McCree: Our target was dead, so I guess he got what was coming to him.  But still…it didn’t seem right.  But that wasn’t the end of our problems: for the first time, people knew we were out there.  New faces stepped up to fill the void in Talon.  And I can’t help but wonder…if that’s where it all started to go wrong.

Antonio and the “ousting” of Blackwatch in the public gaze were, quite frankly, insignificant compared to the much, much deeper problems that the team were unearthing as a consequence of the Venice mission:

Moira

Her use and repurposing of Gabriel’s biodata

The development of the highly-augmented, highly-enhanced, highly-genetically modified Talon army

The leaking of Blackwatch intelligence and mission objectives to Talon members

And the realization that it could all be much bigger than a single “double agent”.

Once again, Overwatch and Blackwatch would have to take a “dual” approach:

Open an official investigation into their own organization to appease both the United Nations and the inevitable public outcry -

While permitting only the people and agents they trusted the most to continue to work.

Blackwatch’s “suspension” was an immediate and hypothetically effective way to “freeze” all assets - both the ones compromised and uncompromised - to permit Overwatch to investigate both the division and its larger self.

What’s interesting about all of this is that - despite the mission not “going according to plan”, despite Gabriel choosing to get rid of Antonio, despite Moira’s betrayal, despite McCree’s anger, despite Blackwatch being suspended - 

“Nothing” happens.

Blackwatch’s suspension is - like all the other parts of these “repercussions” - a masquerade.

A show put on for the United Nations and the public...and also for Moira and Talon.

In fact, if you compare Gabriel in Uprising - where he clearly continues to work as he always has - to his dialogue in Retribution, you get the sense that he actually already predicted this:

Moira: You did what needed to be done, Gabriel.  Don’t apologize. Gabriel: I never have, and I don’t intend to start now.  Someone has to be the one to get things done.

---

Moira: Antonio was right about one thing: you will take the blame for this. Gabriel: Always have.  I don’t need the statues and medals anyways.

---

McCree: Is this what we’ve become, Gabriel? Gabriel: Blackwatch has always had one purpose: to do the real work of keeping the world safe.  I thought you had the stomach for it.  Looks like I was wrong.

Gabriel has no intention of “apologizing” for what happened with Antonio because he already knows that Moira and Talon are the bigger issues, and that he will be able to convince Jack, Ana, and Gérard of the “real threats” plaguing Overwatch.  He doesn’t mind “taking the blame” for the Venice mission because - in comparison to the scope of Overwatch getting disbanded or Talon harming Overwatch agents - that’s an incredibly small price to pay.  He’s never needed “statues and medals” - representations of the world’s admiration or respect - because they have never been his motivation in life:

When we frame Gabriel’s dialogue and interactions in Retribution against both Uprising and his present-day actions as “Reaper,” we find the implication that he’s actually perfectly okay with Blackwatch getting suspended as a consequence of his actions in Venice.

Because instead, he stands to lose things that are significantly more important in his life and his heart of hearts than a covert ops division:

His “hope”.

And someone who is a constant companion and a constant reminder of his “other half”.

That someone who is worth more to Gabriel than the world itself:

In fact, Blackwatch getting suspended may be the best “consequence” Gabriel could ever ask for.  If it helps him convince Moira that he’s “feeling abandoned” by Overwatch and the UN, then Moira might be more easily persuaded to continue to cooperate with him.  At the same time, because Jack doesn’t actually care about the suspension, nor does he actually take any effort to enforce it on Gabriel, McCree, and Genji, Gabriel is able to continue his own operations, sending McCree into the field to investigate Null Sector a year later.  It also permits Gabriel to conduct his own internal “investigation” into Overwatch and Blackwatch agents, trying to sort out which ones have been “corrupted” by Talon, or which ones are already Talon agents sent to infiltrate the organization.

And for a time, it looks like this “plan” might actually work:

That things regain some...normalcy.

That Overwatch and Blackwatch - Jack and Gabriel - are able to flip this “debacle” (as Moira called it) into a situation they can actually use and salvage.  Sure, Blackwatch takes a hit, and Overwatch’s social trust begins to unravel in the public’s gaze (and in the United Nations’), but again, these are small sacrifices to be made if they can actually weed out the root problems of Talon and the much larger conspiracy beginning to take shape.  Overwatch has been through the greatest war humanity has ever seen - it has helped fix and repair the world in the ashes of the Omnic Crisis.  It has made medical and scientific breakthroughs.  It has not only won peace in the war, but also made it and helped protect it.

So long as it comes out of the Venice incident able to still do those things - all while combating Talon at its core - then it can still be worthwhile.  It can still be valuable and meaningful.

And “hope”

can continue to operate as it always has.

But what they don’t realize in the immediate aftermath of Venice is that:

They are not the only ones dealing with the “consequences” of Moira’s actions and Gabriel’s decision.

And that their subsequent decision to suspend Blackwatch - either to appease the UN, or to stop Talon agents from infiltrating the division, or both - will have its own consequences.

Because it forces Talon to use...different tactics to undermine Overwatch.

Overwatch’s greatest strengths are its virtues: love and loyalty, hope and heroism, courage and compassion.

And these are also its greatest weaknesses:

“Hope” can be undermined and betrayed.

And the others?  

Love and loyalty?

Just like Gabriel’s powers, those other virtures can be stolen, reconditioned, and “repurposed.”

Moira and Talon’s first set of “experiments” were not able to kill key Blackwatch members in Venice.

But their next “experiment” -

will not miss her mark.

In the next part: the “immediate” consequences of the Venice mission in Talon, which looks at Akande’s rise to power and the creation of Widowmaker.

Along with some...potential, time-traveling sabotage.

[sparda3g]

Attack on Titan Chapter 106 Review

It was said that Isayama has planned the characters’ path to split apart from each other. That time has come. It may not be surprising, knowing how far Eren has gone in his dark ambition, but it is tragic to see best friends losing their grasp of friendship. It’s not the war outside that will break them apart; it’s the desire within their group. This chapter is a welcoming change of pace that explained the story that led to the current timeline, but it is not without a cost more than lives.

Majority of the chapter takes place 3 years ago, so it can explain how the masterplan from Eren and Zeke came to play. Marley soldiers were sent to Paradis Island to gather the data and report it back home. Have this gone through, the current timeline would have been significantly different. Eren stopped them from sailing off like a Kaiju movie scene. I noticed Yelena was with them, so I knew they won’t crush the ship right away.

One of the gems about the flashback is the fact we get to see these characters portraying their humorous self. I don’t know if the time-skip leaves no room for one, considering how dark it has become, but this is a nice breakaway. Hange is comical with her introduction to tourists and threatens them to surrender or they will kill Nicolo. She really tried to be threatening, but that captain wasn’t having it. I like the banter between them, including Levi, who didn’t want to be part of this. Luckily for her, he was killed by Yelena. Funny that Hange really ducked and covered.

Essentially, this becomes an introduction to Yelena’s character. She’s actually quite relax when dealing with the problem. She wanted to chat and get acquainted while drinking tea. That is one calm and collected soldier.  I thought she was going to be a hard ass, but this is a good take. She’s also very observant and informative. She noticed already that titans on the island are wiped out. If only the series ends there on a happy note.

The humor side continues with Hange being visibly and overly impressed with the technology of Marley, especially flying vehicle. I got a good laugh with how Levi communicates with her through instinct, trying to maintain order. She said to not to worry with her reaction, yet only few panels later, she exploded with sheer joy. I missed this side of the series. It’s not just them; even the other Survey Corps have charming moments. Like Sasha was falling asleep and Mikasa had to babysit her more or less. Yeah…

It’s interesting to see the moment when Yelena changed her vision. She wasn’t a spy, rather legitimately part of Marley’s army. It’s the fact she was forced to fight for them after they conquered her country. At least we are back painting Marley as total heel. The moment she saw Ape Titan, she saw a new hope. This would explain her allegiance to Zeke and how she and Survey Corps officially formed a pact. The main goal is to free the Eldian people. All this time, Zeke has been planning this. That does come with a price of a political debate.

The whole debate is pretty interesting. It does establish how Zeke and Paradis Island came to an agreement albeit through controversial demands and timing. It’s also controversial with Eren finally spilled out the revelation he has been hiding; more on that later. It was bold of Zeke to demand the higher-ups like they just met, despite how much damage he has caused. He offered a secret plan that would solve the Eldians problem with ease. The requirements happened to be Original Titan and royal blood. Obviously, it means the power to control Titans.

That’s when Eren stepped in and persuaded them to take Zeke’s offer. It is clear why he reacted right away, knowing how the power worked. It’s just that he kept it secret for so long that maybe it would have been helpful earlier. While he admitted that he was protecting Historia, hence the secrecy, part of me felt that he only exposed it just because he saw the path to win the war. In a way, he abandoned his friend for his ambition. Now that is out, well, he better hope those government hasn’t done any shading tactic.

It does seem like that moment is where the trust and companionship with Eren begins to fall. Although Hange agreed with him, Levi was annoyed at his timing and knowing the current event, he is definitely no friend of his. The government really wanted to hang Zeke and others so badly, but Hange saw a logic behind it. I mean I understand where they’re coming from since they dealt with nothing but hell. It’s just concerning on what would happen once the pact is over.

I have to say, the next phase is surprisingly charming and heartwarming. With the series always in action and killing, it’s very refreshing when the characters are handling the problem without resorting to violence. The closest you get is ambush, forcing them to surrender, and that’s it. For once, it shows a different side of its nature. What if they handle the problem without extermination? What if they befriend someone outside of Paradis Island? What if there is another way to handle the war?

It’s quite astounding how the Survey Corps reacted heavily with something that is simple in today’s world yet fascinating like it’s the future. For example, when they planned to build a harbor, majority of the guys didn’t know its purpose, even saying it’s a kid’s playground. Hange understood its use but she reacted like she is witnessing a glimpse of the future. The vibe isn’t written like they came from the future or their country is incredibly technical advanced, excluding in compare with the island; Survey Corps were behind time in more ways than one.

What’s comical yet important is when Sasha asked Onyankopon about his skin color. Sure, it’s comical to those who read it in her tone and how it seems strange to ask that question at first. However, it’s meaningful because of where they came from; isolated from everyone. He answered in an interesting way that also introduced the concept of a religion such as God, in which exploited the concept of multiple beliefs.

I adore the shift in tone with everyone enjoying their time in bonding with other people outside as well as introduced to the current technology. The food that they didn’t think it was possible amazed them; well, most definitely to Sasha. The hostages they took in became friendly and introduced a simple use of model to demonstrate yet Survey Corps were easily amazed. It’s heartwarming, which is something I don’t often say in this series. In a way, it’s rewarding because after going through hell and reaching to the beach, life was going to the peaceful direction. Even Armin and Mikasa felt happy about the way things were going. Sadly, the divided path was shown.

It’s a damn shame that Eren was probably the only guy there that didn’t get with the time or rather didn’t see another approach. While Armin would love to fight the war but settle in a peaceful manner, he wanted to prove that they are innocent and correct their “misunderstanding.” Eren, however, was more about fighting the war and conquer them since they are already painted as the enemy of the world. Despite they have friends from outside, it’s not enough to prove that everyone will follow the same.

Mikasa was stuck in the middle yet trying to reason Eren that Armin’s path is possible. You can say she was open for a peaceful path, which is something you wouldn’t expect often from her. The conversation stopped with the establishment of time is an essence. There is no real answer on which path is best. One thing is certain that Eren’s path was chosen by force and so far, it has its rewards, but the price and developments are pretty grim.

The best part of the chapter is how it was narrated throughout the flashback. It’s addressed by Armin because not only he’s conflicted with his friendship with Eren, but in need of finding some hope. It’s telling how he once had fun playing the role of a threat but resolved in a merciful manner. When it comes to destruction and violence, it is sorrow and painful. He explained the story for fans to understand the one chance for a peaceful resolution and where their chosen path led them to. The transition from Eren’s rifle to Sasha’s untimely death is simple yet very effective. Indirectly, he has killed her.

It’s rather cold of Isayama that we had a flashback with everyone still together and having a normal fun time. Now it would appear to be their very last. Seeing Sasha enjoying and interacting with others was physically painful. It was sad enough that she did die, I didn’t want a taunting display. Could this have remain the same way if they did have more time? It’s hard to say, but what’s done is done.

Speaking of taunting, another one comes to mind is who Armin is talking to. Surprise! It’s Annie; still in a crystal. On the plus side, this would indicate that her time may be on the horizon. There’s no way Isayama reintroduced her and do nothing later. I can be wrong, but for once I hope not. It could indicate that maybe Armin has gained some memories from Bertolt or even feelings. It’s possible that he has no one to talk to, though why her. They did bond a while back, so it’s not so far fetch.

I’m enjoying the dynamic between Levi and Zeke. It’s really awkward how the man who Levi wants to kill so badly is chatting like they are good comrade. Levi has other plans that revolves with killing, like sending Zeke’s body back to Marley. That is a hell of a taunt. Zeke is just delighted to have a chance to meet his little half-brother. I don’t know how long these two will go on before one loses their head, but I’m intrigued to see what’s next.

Citizens are celebrating the victory in which is definitely a contrast to the earlier days. In the midst of it, Gabi and Falco are held in jail. I wonder what Isayama has in mind for them, but I’ll bet fans would love to see her rot. Nothing beats depressing feeling than a funeral, let alone its aftermath. It’s depressing yet striking when Mikasa at the cemetery recites the speech about fight to win, while Eren says the same but with firing determination. It’s a clear contrast in its use. She says it to justify her action and keep her mind in safe; he says it to inspire himself to push harder, hell bent to reach his goal.

This was a very striking chapter that left me feeling uncomfortable on where they are heading. The narrative and the flashback were heartwarming and tragic. It added a lot more to the current timeline with its fallout. The presentation was pleasant and charming in the flashback, but dreary and troubling in the present. The friendship is falling apart and the possibility of a sad ending is increasing. Their path have been separated. Their destination isn’t looking bright.

[farielsoeleiman]

Media Consumption: Salsa & Sarah Thornton

How much does media shape the experience of Salsa parties in Utrecht?

Introduction

In times like the present, media play, not only an important role, but also an influential role in society. A simple definition of society is a group of people living together in a more or less ordered community with a shared tradition, belief, interest, and/or etcetera. The (common) characteristics and knowledge of a society are defined as culture. In other words, culture is formed by a set of values, conventions, and/or social practices associated with its social group and can be of any size. Apart from individuals having a social influence internally and externally from other group members, the media also affects these social groups with its creation and distribution of online and offline content about the cultural aspects of the investigated social group. The effect that the media have on these societies can be negative, positive or a combination of the two. In this essay, I will analyze how media consumption affects the experience of salsa parties in Utrecht by focusing on capitals, deviance, micro-media, and a quote of Sarah Thornton that I will introduce in the next paragraph.

Creator: Gary Leonard Copyright: ©2014Gary LeonardInformation extracted from IPTC Photo Metadata.

Sarah Thornton is the author of three critically acclaimed books and many influential articles. She’s a Canadian sociologist who writes about art, design and people. In her first book Club Cultures: Music, Media and Subcultural Capital, she investigates the hierarchies of “coolness” through a study of the British dance scene from record hops to raves and combines her insights with “Chicago School” sociologist Howard Becker and French scholar Pierre Bourdieu. A quote of her that I will respond to, in this essay, is: 

“It is impossible to understand the distinctions of youth cultures without some systematic investigation of their media consumption.”[1] 

I used qualitive methods, because those are best for describing, interpreting, contextualizing, and gaining in-depth insight into specific concepts. For my case study, I researched the ‘Salsa (dance) parties in Utrecht’ as a subculture and because I was born and raised in Suriname (South American country), I stepped into this subcultural analysis already with some common interests and knowledge. In order to gain a better insight into this subculture, I conducted an interview, participant observation and research literature.

Cultural, subcultural, economic and social capital

In “The Social Logic of Subcultural Capital”, Thornton discusses club cultures to be a cluster of subcultures which share regional connections, but cultivate their own lifestyle consisting of dress codes, music genres, dance styles and list of (il)legal customs. She argues that club cultures are strongly reliant on its members to ‘be in the know’ and that these members, in her case the youth, insist their different character and declare that they’re not naïve participants of reality.[2] Pierre Bourdieu explores in his book Distinction (1984) the knowledge that is gained through childhood and education which give social status and calls it cultural capital. For example, accents are key indicators of cultural capital, because they represent the talker’s background; and university degrees too, but in institutionalized form. Based on her own research in relation to Bourdieu’s theories, Thornton created the term subcultural capital and explains that it can be objectified in the form of belongings or embodied in the form of being ‘in the know’ like using current slang. [3] A crucial discrepancy between subcultural (from Thornton’s perspective) and cultural capital (from Bourdieu’s perspective) is that the media are a leading component guiding the distribution of the former.

In addition to (sub)cultural capital, there’s also economic capital which is money and assets that can immediately be converted into money. This is not limited to bills and coins, but also includes cryptocurrencies, which are exclusively found online. However, it should be noted that other societies have used other, just as legitimate, forms of economic capital of which cattle is a good example. Generally, high levels of economic capital equate with high levels of cultural capital, but they can also differ. Bourdieu also adds social capital to the list; if cultural capital is what you know and what you have, then social capital is who you know. The amount of social capital depends on a social network and is gained by being connected to a lot of people or a few people who have a lot of capital like power. Referring to the media’s role in governing the circulation of subcultural capital, Thornton argues that in order to understand the uniqueness of youth subcultures, there should be at least some methodical research of their media consumption. Whilst I do agree that youngsters are majorly influenced by the media, I do think that it depends on the type of subculture if it’s necessary to investigate their media usage.

Capital connection to case study ‘Salsa parties in Utrecht’.

I contacted a classmate of mine who’s an insider of the subculture that I’m analyzing in this case study. She invited me and my study group to the weekly salsa party that takes place on Tuesdays at Stairway to Heaven in downtown Utrecht. So, I used my social capital to connect our study group to an insider for our research. At the salsa party we conducted our participant observation by joining the beginner’s workshop at the start of the evening and during the party we took jot notes on our phones of our experience at the salsa party and its attendees. After dancing (and talking) with some attendees, I learned that one of the biggest cultural capitals present that night was its institutionalized form; most attendees were salsa pupils from different salsa schools in Utrecht. A subcultural capital would be in its embodied form, for example; knowing and talking about the salsa steps, knowing that it’s normal to switch dance partners every song, and knowing men will assertively ask women to dance. A few examples of economical capital in my study case would be the club organizer, who must attract the right crowd, and the DJ, who must play the right music.

Credit: Stairway to Heaven

Deviance in subcultures

Howard Becker used Chicago School sociological methods in his book Outsiders: Studies in the Sociology of Deviance to cast jazz musicians as a socially ‘deviant’ group, because their deviance was mainly defined through their denial of ‘mainstream’ musical taste and the adversity to ‘go commercial’. This ‘deviant’ behavior resulted in self-segregation by choice. However, LeRoi Jones argued, in his book Blues People: Negro Music in White America, that jazz was all about being black and that its commercial success was only tied to being white. Jones explained that for the black jazz community, self-segregation was not a matter of choice, but a fundamental characteristic of modern American life.[4] With these examples I want to demonstrate the presence of deviance in subcultures. Even though, deviance seems significant in subcultures, David O. Arnold notes in his edited collection Subcultures, “Subcultural studies no longer confines itself to ‘deviant behavior’; rather, it seems to belong ‘to most, perhaps all, of the subfields of sociology’ (Arnold 1970: 3).”[5]

Deviance in media

In “The Media Development of Subcultures”, Thornton discusses that negative coverage of youth subculture is necessary to even become a subculture: “Youth resent approving mass mediation of their culture, but relish the attention conferred by media condemnation.”[6] She argues that mass media misunderstanding is not just an effect, but usually a goal. Therefore, ‘moral panic’ has become a conventional way of marketing popular music to youth.[7] For example labelling bikers as a serious social problem can be framed as ‘moral panic’. But according to Californian sociologist John Irwin, “subcultures might also not be deviant as such, and that one’s involvement in them might be less the result of conflict and delinquency and more a matter of choice and ‘lifestyle’.” In other words, deviance isn’t a necessary distinction in subcultures, because some members just want to have that casual commitment. Irwin also argues that the media help sharing information about various subcultures and by that contribute to objectifying them into recognized styles. [8]

Micro-media in my case study

Thornton examines how different media are elemental to youth’s social and ideological formations and presents three types of media: local micro-media like flyers and listings, niche media like the music press and national mass media, such as tabloids and radio. When my study group and I were looking for a salsa party in Utrecht, it took some time before we could find one. Eventually, we checked out one of Utrecht’s salsa schools on Facebook and found a few thematical events like Halloween and Christmas salsa dance parties on their page, but nothing more recent. After going through a few of their individual posts, we discovered one that informed followers that they have a weekly salsa party at their school. Unfortunately, Thursdays didn’t work out for us, but our insider knew of another party that takes place every Tuesday at Stairway to Heaven, which we also couldn’t find on their Facebook or their website (which was linked to their Facebook). At the party, several attendees asked us if we were also taking dance classes, which school and if we were joining the bachata party that coming Thursday. This shows how micro-media works through social media flyers and word-of-mouth in my case study.

Conclusion

To summarize, I analyzed Thornton’s and Bourdieu’s views on cultural, subcultural, social and economic capital and applied it to my study case to give a sketch of my examined subculture. Then I explored methods and arguments by Becker and Jones about deviance in subcultures and linked that to deviance in subcultural media. According to Thornton, negative media coverage is necessary to establish a subculture, however, Irwin argues that deviance, the very reason subcultures receive negative media coverage, is not necessarily a must, because some members choose to not fully commit to the subculture. He calls them ‘hangers-on’ who he describes as less ideologically committed and less skillful.[9] I also discussed the type of media that’s mainly used at the salsa parties in Utrecht, how we joined a party with help of an insider, and our ‘capital’ findings through participant observation. In our interview with the insider, we discovered that the ‘deviant’ trait is not that much present at the salsa parties and is even frowned upon by its subcultural group members. In fact, openness and fluidity is favored in its members’ attitude.[10]

Based on my findings, I conclude that (micro-)media barely shape the experience of salsa parties in Utrecht. However, I do believe Thornton’s vision about media consumption in youth cultures: “It is impossible to understand the distinctions of youth cultures without some systematic investigation of their media consumption.” I agree, because in modern society all of us, and especially the youth, are surrounded by media. Offline media may be going extinct (said exaggeratedly), but the online media world is now alive more than ever. No matter how small the impact the media might have, there is some and it needs to be investigated for a more complete view on youth cultures. Nonetheless, I think that “just” tracking all media consumption by youth cultures would be impossible work. Boundaries are needed to be able to focus on media that actually affects its watcher. Thus, even though media barely shape the experience of salsa parties in Utrecht, we can only actualize this by systematically investigating at least some of its members’ media consumption.

[1] Sarah Thornton, “Chapter 26: The Social Logic of Subcultural Capital,” in The

Subcultures Reader, ed. Ken Gelder and Sarah Thornton (London: Routledge, 1997), 203.

[2] Thornton, “Chapter 26,” 201.

[3] Idem, 202.

[4] Ken Gelder, “6. Subculture, Music, Nation,” in Subcultures: Cultural histories and social practice (Routledge, 2007), 107.

[5] Ken Gelder, “2. The Chicago School and After,” in Subcultures: Cultural histories and social practice (Routledge, 2007), 44.

[6] Sarah Thornton, “Chapter 4: The Media Development of Subcultures,” in Club Cultures: Music, Media, and Subcultural Capital (Wesleyan University Press, 1995), 198.

[7] Idem, 186.

[8] Ken Gelder, “2. The Chicago School and After,” in Subcultures: Cultural histories and social practice (Routledge, 2007), 44-5.

[9] Ken Gelder, “2. The Chicago School and After,” in Subcultures: Cultural histories and social practice (Routledge, 2007), 46.

[10] Anonymous, Interview by Fariel Soeleiman, Willemijn Ruesen and Eva van der Panne, February 25, 2020.

References

Anonymous. Interview by Fariel Soeleiman, Willemijn Ruesen and Eva van der Panne,

February 25, 2020.

Gelder, Ken. “2. The Chicago School and After.” in Subcultures: Cultural histories and social practice, 5-46. Routledge, 2007.

Gelder, Ken. “6. Subculture, Music, Nation.” In Subcultures: Cultural histories and social

practice, 107-121. Routledge, 2007.

Thornton, Sarah. “Chapter 4: The Media Development of Subcultures.” In Club Cultures:

Music, Media, and Subcultural Capital, 180-248. Wesleyan University Press, 1995.

Thornton, Sarah. “Chapter 26: The Social Logic of Subcultural Capital.” In The

Subcultures Reader, edited by Ken Gelder and Sarah Thornton, 200-212. London: Routledge, 1997.

[crowned-ladybug]

Once Upon A Dream

Hey I’m back with my shitty titles

About three months and 10k words later here’s the fic I wrote out of that one dream I had once...kind of a self-indulgent pile of headcanons and feelings.

NOTE: I started writing this in the beggining of May and I didn’t want to keep changing it, so it ignores every piece of canon from after that. “Google gets an upgrade” is probably the first big thing I didn’t end up involving.

Please, if you don’t like this fic, or the ideas behind it, or the fact that it’s quite possibly very OOC, please just leave me alone about it. This story has become really, really important to me.

Special thanks to @lum1natrix for letting me submit the original dream to her (which ended up being ~2k words of this and the rest of me is trying to fix it), @sunkistjello for being genuinely interested in my headcanons and the story itself, and @bajszi-s-secret-life for letting me ramble on about my story ideas to her even if she probably can’t understand half of them

Word count: 9.7k words

Warnings: mentions of blood, injury and death, possible character death

Having a pocket dimension as your primary residence isn’t the worst thing in the world, really, even if it comes with a whole pack of rather...interesting roommates. It definitely has its charm, at least.

Said roommates are all interdimensional and, in certain cases demonic beings tied to living, breathing people’s life force, none quite like the other.

There’s Dark, demeanour and looks just like his name would suggest. He’s tall and wiry, his skin is pale as chalk and he’s always wearing a suit. Looking at him makes anyone feel dizzy, because he looks like a glitch dragged out from the deepest depths of an old VHS tape. He’s bossy, strict, and he denies ever having smiled in his existence. Some of the other beings are legitimately scared of him – or at least they’re really wary.

There’s Wilford, who’s the sickening mixture of cotton candy and murder compressed into a human shape. He wears a mysterious pink moustache, which gets its mysteriousness from no one knowing whether it’s dyed, fake or if it’s always just been pink since the dawn of time. He seems friendly from afar, smells like a candy store and talks weirdly. In a strange way, he could be called brave, or maybe he’s just too reckless for his own good – but either way he’s one of the only known beings to have teased Dark in the face and lived to tell the tale. He also seems to have an unhealthy obsession with trying to interview everybody and making it big on TV.

There’s Anti, the wild kid who might not be a kid, but he’s definitely wild. He’s like the lovechild of a computer glitch and a murder-happy demon, dangerous and unpredictable. Just like the person his life force is tied to, Sean, he’s loud and full of energy, trotting everywhere he goes, white noise sizzling in his path, excited at any chance to cause mayhem. He can be terrifying, but mostly he’s more of a friend to everyone else in the little pocket dimension. One day he decided he likes Dark and started following him around – and to everyone’s surprise, Dark, heartless, terrifying Dark, grew fond of him. Now the two of them are friends and definitely a force to be reckoned with.

There’s Google, who’s just like how you’d expect: punctual, emotionless and fast. His hands are always cold and he claims his heart is too, but everyone here has at least a little humanity stuck in them. He plans and does the logical thing and goes about everything the most optimal way, which sometimes only gains him glares from the group of ragtag hectic demon spawns he’s living with. For the most part he’s helpful and calm, but one time Anti tried to dump a bucket of water on him and he started swearing in every language available to his translate function – all at once.

There’s the Host, the observant one who knows more than anyone else around who has eyes to see. He’s a mystery in itself, with a bloodied blindfold he’s never seen without and a soft voice that always narrates what’s going on instead of speaking like everyone else, and so he sometimes stays silent and gestures instead of talking. He’s a pleasant company, as surprising as it is. He holds small talk, helps out where he can and sees others’ distress with sightless eyes. He sees what once was and what only will be, and somehow that has made him almost kind.

There’s Chase, who isn’t magical or mysterious or terrifying. He just wishes to have fun and for everyone to get along, and he dreams of his old life before it all crashed. He had lived thinking himself a human for long, building himself a human life because he forgot the one he had had before. Anti found him once things had gone bad and Chase was alone, and brought him back to their own little dimension. In a way, Chase is even more different than the rest of them. He just wants to play with his toy guns and look cool while doing so, and he sees friends in all the bloody-handed demons around him. Anti considers him a brother, and while Chase is grateful, he can’t help missing his other family.

There’s many others who come and go, some stay long and some only pass through, some good and some bad, some powerful and some...not so much. There’s too many of them to count.

In a strange way, they’re like a family.

The pocket dimension changes at its own will and today it’s nothing but a labyrinth of shadowy corridors with no windows, and rooms to match. There’s long desks and uncomfortable chairs in some of the rooms, but everything just looks the same. The air feels dry yet it seems foggy, for it’s grey and details get lost way before you’d expect them to. Everything is grey, just grey.

Chase doesn’t like it. It reminds him of bureaucracy, cold buildings and offices with strict people telling you to sign papers and thinking you’re nothing but a string of numbers and a handful of bills. His feet make almost no sound as he walks and he can’t tell what the floor’s made out of. He searches from room to room, hoping to stumble upon a coffee machine, but he gives up after the twentieth failed attempt.

He fixes his belt that has a loaded Nerf gun hanging from it and makes his way down the next corridor, hoping to at least run into a friend. Hell, at this point he would take Dr Iplier and his constant predictions of painful death, because wandering alone in such a creepy place is starting to make the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.

He barely turns the corner when his luck comes into play and he hears a distorted cheer that changes pitch at least twice in the middle. Turning around with a genuine smile he finds Anti running towards him, glitching back a few steps every now and again. But aside from that, he’s barely messing with reality, no changes of hue or contrast surround him, and even the cut on his neck is closed up into a thin red line. He must be having an unusually great day.

Anti catches up to him and flings an arm around his shoulder, shouting as he greets his friend. Chase laughs and leans into him, grabbing the back of his shirt and cheering a half-mocking “Suh, dude!” with enthusiasm.

Anti laughs too and squeezes him around the shoulder, guiding him the opposite way. “Come on, man, I gotta show you something!”

Chase silently hopes it’s not a dead body.

They wobble down the corridor because they’re both yet to figure out how to walk properly while hanging onto each other like this. They run into corners a few times and trip on each other’s legs, but it makes their walk all that much more fun. Chase thinks about how much they must look like they’re drunk, but he doesn’t mind. Anti shoves him to the side and he shoves back and their heads knock together.

It flashes through Chase’s mind that Anti considers him a brother, and he finally decides that he likes that. He likes – loves – his glitchy, demonic, occasionally murderous brother.

“...and then he tells me, me, that he always keeps his files neat and organised!” Anti is fully immersed in the story he’s telling about his human host with much more emotion than necessary. He nudges Chase playfully as he continues. “Me, who’s slept in his computer like a dozen times at least!”

“...and is known to have eaten an equal amount of files,” Chase teases, and it earns him an exasperated groan.

“That was one time! And it was an accident!”

Chase laughs. “Alright, bro, alright.”

He would keep walking, but Anti suddenly forgets about his wounded pride and lets out a really choppy-sounding “whoop, whoop!”. Chase almost trips over his own legs when his friend grabs his arm and drags him into one of the rooms he almost passed.

“We’re here!” Anti exclaims, and as he waves his free arm around it displays the magenta of missing textures for a second. Chase is about to ask “Where?” when his eyes adjust enough that he doesn’t feel the need to.

Well, he’s still not sure where exactly they are, but it’s very much a here. The room is dark and pretty vast he assumes, as he can’t even seem to make out the walls. The only light source is a combination of multiple screens across the room, attached in a curved line and giving the impression of equipment at a spy hideout. Chase guesses there must be something displayed on the screens, but for now he can only see their unpleasantly bright light. He can make out a few silhouettes, and as his eyes adjust, enough details to recognise them as his friends and acquaintances, fellow beings he shares this pocket dimension with. Almost everyone who’s usually present is there. Chase’s heart swells – he’s found them, finally.

In front of the screens are a few chairs, and he can see Dark sitting in one of them, reading a book in the piercing light – though Chase can’t help but wonder if he even needs the light.

To his right are several more chairs and a few tables, one of which is covered in papers. Wilford is standing next to the desk, organising the papers, reading through them, making corrections with a pen that he then absent-mindedly tries to put back into his shirt pocket, failing a handful of times before succeeding. Finally he waves enthusiastically towards the other end of the room, pride shining in his eyes, and in response another being appears in Chase’s sight. Bim Trimmer, resident gameshow host who’s both somewhat human like Chase and kind of bonkers like Wilford makes his way over to the tables, and as he passes he flashes an award winning smile towards Chase and Anti as a greeting. Chase assumes him and Wilford must be discussing plans to try to make it big on TV – again.

On one of the spare chairs sits the Host. Google is standing nearby, silent and unmoving, his eyes shut, probably on energy saving mode. As the two newcomers watch, the Host reaches out to touch his arm and get his attention. Google comes to life immediately, the logo on his chest lighting up and his now open eyes flashing for a second before they focus on the blindfolded man next to him. He asks in a slightly robotic voice how he could be of help, and the Host responds in sign language.

It isn’t exactly an unusual sight. The Host isn’t the most thrilled about his constant narrating whenever he speaks, his inability to converse like anyone else. So, when he can’t take his own voice any longer, he goes silent and instead, he signs.

Google responds without hesitation, speaking because while he can sign too, the Host is still blind. The conversation continues and Chase stops staring, but he sees the grin spreading on the Host’s lips and the way his movements gain more momentum. He only recognises one sign (he’s started learning recently, but he’s only making slow progress), flat fingers against the lips, then moving outward as if blowing a kiss – thank you.

When he looks away, he sees Anti already beckoning him deeper into the room. He follows good-naturedly, curious as to what else is there to see. He thought finding the rest of the entities was the big thing to show, but apparently he was very wrong.

Anti leads him straight to the screens. As Dark notices them approaching, he stands, putting his book back on the chair he had previously occupied. Chase bites the inside of his cheek – Dark is intimidating, even if he isn’t particularly trying to be at the moment. He only relaxes when he sees that his gaze is fully fixed on Anti.

“Look, Chase!” Anti gestures at the screens. Being this close, Chase can make out what they’re displaying: a scene equally as grey as where they are, but this one is of thin streets veiled in fog, and there’s a figure walking along who looks like but a silhouette against the faded background.

As Anti’s fingers hover closer, tiny glitches start sparking to life on the screen and he withdraws his hand quickly, flashing Chase an almost apologetic smile.

“That’s Sean,” he announces without lingering. Chase would have never recognised his - their - human counterpart on his own, but he chooses to believe Anti. “We somehow managed to track him!”

Now that makes it sound like Sean is some elusive target, when in reality both Chase and Anti could easily find him in his world. But having a window to said world, solely focused on him as well, that is…impressive. Chase doesn’t know what to think.

“That’s…cool?” he shrugs meekly, but it is good enough for Anti, who turns back towards the screens and watches his host go harmlessly about his walk.

Chase allows him a few minutes of that, partly because it feels polite to do, partly because he still has to digest the situation…and partly because he feels like if he did anything slightly out of line, Dark would murder him (which would be quite impressive considering they’re both beings immortal as long as their current host is alive, so killing Chase would only be manageable by inadvertently killing Anti as well).

“So…” he starts after his thought process comes to a halt at “What do we do now?”.

Anti takes his time before answering. He grabs one of the nearby chairs, sits down, makes sure to arrange his legs comfortably and lean back before the clever gaze of his eyes finds Chase again.

“I feel like this would be the perfect opportunity to prank him a little,” he speaks with eloquence that is very unlike him. But his painted mask of seriousness crumbles just the next second, his signature grin taking over his lips. “Let’s scare the shit out of him!”

Chase swallows, hard. His eyes wander to look at Dark instead, because right now he feels like a much bigger threat. He’s leaning on the back of Anti’s chair, lazily eyeing Chase like some black cat that’s too smart for its own good. Except this cat has more than just tiny fangs to bite with and more cruelty than any feline. Chase feels like if he makes but a single wrong move, Dark will pounce and he will be nothing more than a memory.

Usually Chase feels glad that Anti has found friends amongst all these other beings, but right now he isn’t the happiest about one of those friends being a fiercely protective and sadistic demon.

He slowly looks back to Anti, who is waiting patiently for a response. Patiently. That’s quite unusual of him. Chase decides to thank their brotherly relationship for his luck.

“That’s...not a very nice thing to do,” he responds finally. He might be soft, but his heart is in the right place and he has probably the strongest sense of right and wrong out of everyone present. Right now that sense is telling him that scaring Sean, a harmless human on his way home on the foggy streets who has never done anything to hurt any of them wouldn’t be the nicest thing to do.

Dark blinks slowly, but he’s no cat and Chase knows not to take it as a sign of contentment. He’s still looking Chase up and down as if not knowing what to make of him in the current situation.

“Maybe,” Anti shrugs, and suddenly Chase gets the feeling that he might be getting some pleasure out of playing authority like this. Playing king is definitely not Anti’s style, but for now he seems to be enjoying just sitting back and watching Chase be uncertain with his words. “But it would be fun.”

“Eh, let’s just...have some fun that doesn’t hurt anybody, okay?” Chase tries with a half-hearted shrug, and he silently prays that he can somehow convince his demonic brother to lay off his idea. Even if they don’t end up giving Sean a heart attack, two guys materialising out of nowhere in the middle of a town street could possibly get some unwanted publicity with the humans. The last thing they should want is for Sean to get into trouble.

Anti is about to respond as he absently glances over to the glowing screens – and the words get lost in his throat. Instead, he’s jumping up, his chair falling back from the force and startling Dark enough to make him blend into the shadows for a moment. Chase flinches back from the sudden noise as the chair hits the ground.

Anti remains staring at the screen for another moment, his whole body tense and ready to spring, eyes turned pitch black and his fangs pulling at his lips. Chase follows his stare to the screen and his blood runs cold in his veins when he sees what got his friend so wound up.

The uneventful scene of Sean walking home in the fog has turned unsettling. Chase can no longer make out details and he can barely tell which way the street is going. There are dark figures, tall and sinister, getting closer and forming as if they’ve come to be from the fog itself. It’s impossible to tell what they are, but Chase doesn’t even think to because it doesn’t matter. They’re making their way towards Sean and they don’t seem friendly.

Before Chase could say a word or Dark could hold him down, Anti launches himself forward, right into the screens and through them. The image keeps glitching for a moment after he’s gone through, but once it clears out, Chase and Dark can see him standing beside Sean.

Anti can feel the rush of adrenaline in a way that feels almost a little too human, and he pulls strength from it on top of his already superhuman abilities. He glances to the side, giving a reassuring, friendly grin to a visibly shocked Sean. He doesn’t realise that maybe it’s not the easiest to muster “friendly” when his pupils are nothing but thin slits against red eyes and his fangs are long and sharp enough to put dragons to shame. He feels blood trickle down his neck, and knowing that his cut has opened up more with his rushing blood, he wipes at it absently.

He jumps into combat without a second thought, swinging his hand with his fingers curling into talons. For a moment he regrets not having his favourite knife on him, but it’s not like he’s helpless without it. He finishes one dark figure after the other without caring to look what they are and definitely without them even realising what’s coming for them. Why would he care, anyway? All he cares about for the moment is that these...these whatever they are had clearly had ill-intentions towards Sean, and Anti just won’t stand for that. He completely forgets the fact that just a few minutes ago he was planning to pull a possibly cruel prank on the man, because in his mind it would have been all in good fun. But these creatures, they weren’t here for fun. They were here to hurt his friend, and Anti would have to be dragged all the way to the Underworld and chained to the biggest poplar tree before he let that happen.

He only turns back towards Sean when he has torn off the last head he could see. The fog is thick and a monochrome grey again, and Anti can’t tell whether the figures had melted back into it or if it’s simply too dense to see through.

Sean still looks just as shocked as when Anti appeared beside him out of nothingness, but the tension in his eyes slowly starts to let up when he looks at him demonic friend. Anti looks really proud of himself. No, proud sounds like too plain a word to describe it. His eyes look almost human, and they sparkle with pride and some warm kind of joy Sean has never seen on him before. He wears a smile to match, a wide grin that’s soft and friendly and excited all at the same time.

No words are spoken, but Sean reads them from Anti’s face. I did it, you see? I did it, I defeated them, I protected you. I protected you! Just like a good friend, a real friend!

The fleeting thought crosses Anti’s mind that he hopes his friends on the other side are seeing this, seeing him being victorious and protecting his friend. He hopes Chase is grinning like a madman, maybe throwing his fists in the air because look at that, look at his bother – his brother! - kicking ass. He hopes Dark cracks a small smile, nods his head a little in the way that is like a whole speech of praise coming from him.

A smile spreads on Sean’s lips, and he’s about to laugh or walk up to Anti and pat him on the shoulder, maybe even hug him, thank him for what he’s done or ask what just happened, anything that’s just very nice and very human and very Sean. He never gets to do any of that.

Abruptly, Anti lurches forward, his eyes widening as his joyful expression melts into one of shock. Sean jumps forward to cross the distance between them, but there’s nothing he can do as Anti tumbles to the ground.

On the other side of the screen things seem frozen. Dark is the only one who moves, letting out a pained scream of his friend’s name that sounds almost more like the roar of a wounded beast, then he launches forward and through the screen, not entirely unlike how Anti had done so only a few minutes prior. Chase remains standing in the same spot, paralysed, feeling and looking like a terrified child.

Dark collapses to his knees next to Anti’s body. He couldn’t care less that the ground is wet and he’s probably ruining his expensive clothes. Sean hovers nearby, shocked and unsure of what to do, but Dark doesn’t spare him a single glance. His eyes are focused on the growing red stain in the middle of Anti’s chest. He presses his hand to it, clumsily trying to stop the bleeding as if he were a human and as if Anti were one as well, but the blood bubbles past his fingers and he feels helpless.

No one had heard the gunshot. No one can tell who even fired, there’s no one else around, no one they can see at least, and right now it’s not important either. For once, Dark is not hellbent on taking revenge, he’s instead clutching his friend’s body in his arms as if he could just keep him together and make him okay again if he just holds him tight enough.

He doesn’t know what snaps him out of his trance, but he suddenly stands, still clutching Anti’s limp body in his arms. He doesn’t look at him anymore, he just can’t. Poor guy’s eyes are rolled back into his head, his mouth is half open and he’s barely breathing. His hands are ashy black and Dark doesn’t want to question why, but aside from that and the cut on his neck, he looks almost human and all too vulnerable. But if Dark doesn’t look, maybe he can convince himself that Anti’s just asleep, he’s fallen asleep on him again, how annoying, right? He just fell asleep again and Dark is simply carrying him over to somewhere he can sleep without ruining his back, because Dark cares, even if he does so in secret.

He orders Sean to follow but doesn’t look his way to confirm he’s heard. He just takes a step forward, slipping through the fabric of this dimension and into another as if he was just walking through a curtain. Even he’s surprised he manages so easily when he’s so unfocused.

Dark never registers the small tug at the back of his coat as Sean grabs onto him the last second, allowing himself to be pulled along.

They arrive back in the dark room with the screens, and Sean immediately lets go of Dark. He steps to the side, looking around and still unable to shake his shock. He’s just hopped into another world, just like that.

Chase is still standing in the same spot, staring at Dark and Anti now, but no one knows if he actually sees them. He’s trembling slightly and his eyes are wide and empty, and Sean listens to his good heart when it tells him to comfort him. He walks over and wraps an arm around the poor guy’s shoulder, who almost collapses immediately. Sean bites his lip as he holds him up until Chase finds his balance again, and then they just stand there. Sean really wishes he knew what to say, how to help at least one person – being, whatever – in this room, but he just doesn’t. They’re both confused and terrified.

Wilford comes closer, casting curious glances at Anti’s limp form and waiting for an explanation with unhidden curiosity. He doesn’t seem concerned in the slightest, but then again maybe he doesn’t realise the weight of the situation yet. Google follows with a neutral expression, but his eyes are flashing wildly and Dark would know if he had the time to think about such things that he must already be searching for solutions to the current situation, trying to come up with anything that could help. The Host stays where he is and doesn’t come closer, which seems like a very Host thing to do. Sean briefly wonders if he already knows what Anti’s fate will be, or if he had already known before Anti decided to jump over into the human world. Bim is nowhere to be seen.

Dark’s eyes find Wilford’s, the only being’s who might be able to help. He might be missing a few marbles, but no one could ever deny that somehow, Wil knows a lot.

“He’s been shot,” informs Dark coldly.

Wilford nods to signal he understood and hums quietly, thinking. He doesn’t speak for long enough that Dark deems it too long, and when he tries to get closer, Dark’s immediate response is to clutch Anti closer to his chest, growling in the back of his throat.

Google doesn’t seem to see, probably too deep into searching for answers, so Sean deems himself the most competent being in the room after Dark and Wilford. It puts a bitter taste in his mouth, but his shoulders tense knowing that he might have to separate the aforementioned two before they get into a fight over Anti’s (possibly dead) body.

“Lemme see, will ya?” Wilford asks friendlily, and Dark glares daggers at him but loosens his hold on Anti nonetheless. “We shouldn’t need to worry,” he adds, staring at the wound on Anti’s chest. “He’s immortal here like the rest of us are, he’s probably gonna be fine.”

Dark’s teeth grown into fangs for a moment (no one’s seen him do that before, it’s normally Anti’s thing) as he snaps at Wilford. “Well, he’s supposed to be immortal out there too and it sure as Hell doesn’t feel like it now!”

Sean swallows hard and Chase looks at him expectantly. He has a feeling they’re both thinking the exact same thing. Anti’s only immortal as long as Sean is alive – but he’s alive, right? Fear stirs in his chest just when he’s thought there’s no way for him to be even more scared, and he’s definitely not a fan. But before he can voice his doubts, Wilford speaks again.

“Listen, my friend, Sean is doing just fine, probably more alive than ever from what I can tell,” as he says that, Sean lets out a silent sigh of relief in the background. “And as long as he’s fine, Anti should be too. Simple as that.”

Dark doesn’t respond. His eyes narrow, but instead of having a long stare-down with Wilford, he pushes past him without wasting another word. As he walks away, still clutching Anti in his arms, Wilford shouts after him.

“You can sulk all you want, Darky, but that won’t change the fact that I’m right!”

Sean doesn’t know what to think, but he’s pretty sure the pink man isn’t right. He silently grabs Chase’s sleeve (God, the guy is still shaking like a leaf) and drags him along as he follows Dark out of the room.

Once they’re outside and Sean sadly notes that the corridors are just as grey as the streets in his world are right now, he turns to Dark, not even intimidated by the fact that he’s a good head taller than him and, well, very dark looking. “What now?”

Dark takes a deep breath before responding. He looks at Anti, who’s out cold and still completely limp, but at least the red has stopped spreading on his chest and his neck wound has closed up again, too. He’s not sure if that’s a good sign.

“I don’t know,” he admits, and Sean can feel Chase sway beside him, though that could still be the effect of his panic. When Dark looks up, Sean thinks he can see helplessness in his eyes. “Do you think Mark could help?”

Mark – he’s another mere human, Dark’s human counterpart, and Wilford’s and Google’s and the Host’s and Bim’s, and Sean’s friend.

Sean lowers his gaze for a moment before answering. “I don’t think so,” he knows that’s not the answer Dark was hoping for. “No human could, I don’t think. Anti’s not human, we can’t just...bring him to a hospital,” and silently he adds, only to himself that maybe if Anti was human, he wouldn’t even be alive anymore.

“Dr. Iplier? Dr. Schneeplestein?” Chase asks hopefully, but Dark’s expression doesn’t light up like he hoped it would.

“They’re almost never around. I’m not sure if they’re even actual doctors, either. Maybe they would just do more harm than good.”

Sean wants to cut in that there’s not much worse than being shot in the back and bleeding out with no help, but he keeps his mouth shut. Even if he’s not feeling like himself at all at the moment, Dark is still a powerful demon and who knows what he’s capable of – especially in a dimension Sean is not familiar with.

So, he tries the next worst thing.

“But, he’s immortal, right? So what if-”

“Immortal means he can’t die unless you do or if severe your bond, not that he heals magically,” Dark cuts in bitterly, but without any anger. “In which case the best thing than can happen is he stays like this. In a coma, if you will,” he looks at Sean with something in his eyes that makes him seem human for a moment, and he draws his arms tighter around Anti’s frail frame. “Do you really think I’d want to do that to him?”

“No, of course not,” Sean sighs, and he can see Chase nod out of the corner of his eye. “Let’s just...figure something out. Quick.”

Dark starts walking down one of the corridors without another word, and Chase and Sean follow without a question. Chase catches up to Dark, looking at Anti the whole time with worry in his wide eyes. He wants so desperately to help. Anti is his family. But after a few steps, his shoulders shake, and he falls into step behind Dark again. Sean can’t bring himself to comment on the fresh tears running down Chase’s face.

Time feels strange and Sean can’t keep track of it well. It gives him a sliver of hope, that maybe Anti can hold on longer this way, but he isn’t sure how much he actually believes that, how much trust he is willing to put into the physics of a strange pocket dimension. He can’t tell how long they have been walking when they wind up in another room, almost as dark as the previous one.

There is a bed, a wardrobe and a few cabinets, and a single window with nothing but darkness on the other side. Sean makes a mental note to not go near it.

While Sean looks around, Dark walks over to the bed and lays Anti down carefully. Chase immediately crawls onto the mattress, sitting as close to Anti’s unmoving body as he possibly can. He lowers his head, staring at his brother and looking every bit as still as him.

“Why are we here?” Sean asks Dark after he averts his eyes from the heartwrenching scene. He’s scared for Anti, he really is, and he feels sorry for Chase, but he can’t let that take over him right now.

“We’re closer to the centre here,” Dark states as if expecting Sean to know what he means by that. He realises his mistake as he walks over to the wardrobe, so he explains. “The dimension has a centre, where its energy is more dense and powerful than towards the edges. The room where we arrived was near the edge. I’m hoping that maybe here Anti can...stay alive easier.”

“I see,” Sean says, staring at Dark’s back absently. He doesn’t question all the talk about Anti dying if he’s immortal, because no one knows enough about his kind, about these beings in general to be sure about anything. No one knows if they’re truly immortal or just very hard to kill, no one knows how fragile Anti is on his own or what it would take for the bond between him and Sean to shatter. No one wants to find out, either.

“Good. Go, be near him. He’s tied to you, maybe you being near will help,” Dark adds, digging into the wardrobe and visibly relieved that he doesn’t have to keep explaining something even he doesn’t fully understand.

Sean goes to sit down on the bed, his eyes travelling to the wound on Anti’s chest without meaning to. The room falls into silence.

...and silence is exactly what Sean doesn’t want. It allows his thoughts to gain his attention, and he doesn’t want to think right now. He barely knows what is happening or where he is, a literal interdimensional being tied to his soul (though he had come to accept that part a long time ago) is possibly dying right in front of him for protecting him from Lord knows what...When will he even get home? And how the Hell can he explain all of this to Signe? “Oh, yeah, sorry I’m late for dinner, I got dragged into another dimension trying to save Anti’s life.” Doesn’t sound likely.

He smooths his hand over the covers absent-mindedly, watching as the fabric creases under his fingers. Funny, he could have sworn it was black, but now it looks more like dark red. He doesn’t think much of it. Instead, he turns his head to stare at Dark’s back. Anything but his own thoughts, anything but dozens of unanswered questions that only lead in circles and make him anxious.

He’s thinking about how he’s glad that these beings, Dark and Anti and Chase and all the others, just look similar to their hosts and not exactly like them. He’s glad that when he looks at Dark, it’s Dark looking back at him, not Mark. Because Dark is tall, taller than Sean and definitely taller than Mark, he’s lean and his face is thin, and there’s no kindness in his eyes. And similarly, if you asked Sean he would say that Anti looks nothing like him either, because Anti’s a lot more angular and pointy looking, he’s thinner and his eyes can get so sharp their gaze could pierce skin.

“What do we do?” he asks quietly, not looking up from his hands as he bunches the sheets between his fingers.

Dark stands beside the bed, apparently having found nothing of use in the wardrobe. He watches Anti for a moment before speaking, a humourless chuckle in his voice. “You’re too human even for this strange world.”

“I don’t-” Sean’s voice drowns out when he follows Dark’s indifferent gaze down to his hand. He feels Chase’s silent stare, too. Suddenly he understands why the red sheets had seemed black at first.

“This place has been grey all day,” Chase says, his voice so fragile that Sean has trouble believing it’s actually him. “But it’s not, not around you.”

An idea strikes Sean, and without thinking he hovers his hand over Anti’s arm (his heart jumps when he sees his skin as a more lively colour and how the ashy tint of his clawed hands seems to fade), then places is on his chest. The blood under his hand is warm and wet, and he recoils immediately. Why did he do that?

As he draws his hand away, Anti lets out a tiny groan, and they all freeze in shock, watching if he’s waking up. But he goes still again just like that, like he’s never stirred in the first place.

Sean stares regretfully at his bloody hand. He doesn’t know if he’s done a good or a bad thing, and he also has no idea where to wipe all the blood off now.

“There should be towels in the wardrobe,” Dark says as if he’s reading Sean’s thoughts. He’s staring intently at Anti still, like he believes if he looked away, Anti would disappear.

There’s a whole shelf of towels, and Sean makes quick work of wiping the blood off his hand. He stares at the stained towel in disgust. That blood is the blood of a friend of his.

Before he could throw the towel away and reclaim his spot on the bed, he hears the door on the other side of the room open. From the corner of his eye he can see Dark self-consciously straighten his back, and he turns to see who the visitor is.

It’s Google. He’s wrapped up in his usual artificial glow, and the quiet ticking that imitates his breathing seems awfully loud in the silent room. He looks around with more emotion in his eyes than Sean thought an android could ever muster.

“Anything new?” Google asks. No one speaks, but he gets his answer as Dark turns away to keep staring at Anti instead, looking about as old as he must be – a couple thousand years, probably.

Eventually Sean makes his way back to the bed and sits again, and Google stands near Anti’s head. The minutes that pass seem like hours.

“Sean, you’re turning this world human around you...maybe you could turn him human, too,” Chase speaks hoarsely after a long bit of silence. “I’d rather have him be mortal than to keep him like this forever...” his voice rises near the end of his sentence, then he chokes up. He fails to notice Dark’s pointed stare.

“And risk him dying to his wound?” Dark retorts before Sean has a chance to speak, but there’s barely an edge to his voice. “Chase, even you should know better than that...”

And that’s when Chase breaks. Dark bites his tongue, eyes flashing with instant regret as if he’d just made a child cry, but it’s not his fault. Yet another thought of helplessness was just the final bit needed before Chase couldn’t hold himself together any longer.

The room goes still, and no one knows what to do, and Chase buries his face in his hands and he sobs and whimpers and shakes. He just feels so helpless. In that moment, he’s not a father of two, he’s not a demon who never unlocked his full potential, he’s not some mysterious being in a mysterious dimension. He’s just a normal guy, the most average of bros, who’s losing the only family he still has, and he cannot do anything to stop it. It’s heartbreaking.

Sean doesn’t know what to do with himself. He wants to help, so much, but there are no words of comfort in a situation like this. He can’t bring himself to lie that everything would be alright.

There’s a faint whirring coming from Google’s direction, almost drowned out by Chase’s crying. His eyes are flashing white and his body is rigid as he’s trying harder than ever to find solutions. It’s the only form of sympathy he has to offer.

Slowly, over time, Chase’s crying subsides. He keeps his hands in front of his face and his breaths come in little hiccups that make his shoulders quake, but he’s just a tiny bit calmer. Sean gives him a small smile even if he can’t see it.

In the meantime, Sean has taken to resting his hand on Anti’s arm. It doesn’t appear to have any effect at all aside from bringing back some colour, but that small detail is comforting just the tiniest bit. The black patches of skin are fully gone now, and Anti’s hands look like normal human hands again. Even his nails are trimmed nicely, and they aren’t painted black like they were the last time Sean had seen them, only a few days ago.

It’s a while before anything happens again. The door opens, and once more Dark and Sean are the only ones to react. They both watch as one person after the other files into the room.

The Host is first, looking downright dejected and guilty as if this was all his fault. He blames himself for not seeing what would happen to Anti. Next is Bim, following the Host closely, eyes red and cheeks puffy. It’s obvious that he’s been crying, and it looks like he still might. Lastly, there’s Wilford.

Sean doesn’t need to look to know that Dark isn’t happy. Wilford knows too, and he directs his words at Dark immediately after politely closing the door behind himself.

“Look, my friend,” Dark’s frown deepens a that word, but Wil doesn’t seem fazed. “I may be an a-hole, but even I don’t want him to die!”

After another moment of staring, Dark gives a small nod and turns back to the bed. He has more important issues to deal with right now than playing one-on-one turf wars with Wilford.

Wilford considers that good enough, and makes his way deeper into the room. Everyone gathers around Anti silently.

The Host, his shoulders slumped in defeat, raises his hand and signs towards Dark, Sean and Chase, moving his fist against his chest in a circle. Sorry. Then his frown deepens, and it takes him another moment before he speaks.

“The Host wishes, with all his heart, for Anti to wake up and be okay,” that’s all he can do. Wish. Hope. Because he can’t see.

Dark nods silently, and he’s grateful for those words even if he doesn’t show it. Sean mutters a tired “Me too, buddy”.

Bim finally gathers the courage to sit next to Chase, who still hasn’t recovered from his crying. He glances up curiously as he feels the mattress dip beside him, and he doesn’t pull away when Bim hugs him from the side and presses his head into his shoulder. Bim starts crying again, and soon the two of them, the most human ones out of the group, are weeping silently together. Sean doesn’t notice, but there’s tears rolling down his face, too.

Google still hasn’t moved, but he looks more and more hopeless as he just searches and searches...the internet knows nothing about saving demon lives.

Wilford places a hand on Dark’s shoulder, but he doesn’t look particularly offended when it gets shaken off immediately.

“Y’know, gotta admit,” he sighs, more quiet than he’s ever been. “I am kinda fond of this kid,” he decides he doesn’t want to risk an all-out war with Dark right now, so he doesn’t add the last thought – it’d be a shame if he didn’t make it.

Sean just can’t bear the silence anymore, the silence and those stray sentences that float away without anyone grasping them, and decides that if no one else is going to talk properly, then so be it, he will.

“He came out there to save me,” his throat feels tight, but he swallows and continues. “He saved me from...Lord knows what those things were, and he, he looked so happy in the end.”

Bim raises his head to listen properly, Chase wipes at his eyes, and Google’s whirring slowly stops as he finally gives up the search. They listen.

“He looked so happy with himself once he was done fighting. He just...looked at me and,” he smiles shakily. “he was proud of himself. He did the right thing! He helped me, he saved me...” he swallows again. “I think he really just...wanted to be a good friend, y’know?”

Chase nods along silently, and Dark lowers his head. The Host absent-mindedly signs “friend”.

“Is he...” Bim says, but he cuts himself off like he’s scared of his own voice. He takes a breath and tries again. “Is he going to stay like this forever now?”

“No.”

Everyone’s heads snap to look at Dark, and even Wilford looks genuinely surprised.

“Why?” Bim asks again, because if he’s the one who’s started this conversation, he has to be the one to carry it out. “How do you-”

“Because he’s my best friend,” Dark says, and he does so with so much certainty that no one dares pry after that.

Silence, again. Chase hiccups another sob and wipes at his face.

Then, Anti stirs.

Everyone goes still and just watches, because what if they just imagined that – or what if they didn’t, is it good or bad? Anti’s head rolls to the side and he frowns, and Sean’s fingers twitch with the need to grab him, shake him to wake him up and know if he’s okay. Chase reaches out tentatively, but the moment his hand would touch Anti’s arm Anti jerks and curls up on his side. As he tries to push himself up, his arms shake and he starts coughing, and still no one knows what to do.

Anti retches and keeps coughing, and then there’s blood splattering on the sheets. Chase panics, because that’s so much blood, too much, it’s pooling on the sheets and dripping on the floor and it terrifies him because that’s Anti’s blood. He reaches over, grabbing the back of Anti’s torn, bloody shirt, and he finally manages to pull him up to sit. The fabric rips further under his fingers and he doesn’t think he’ll ever forget the feel of dried blood against his skin.

There’s blood running down the sides of Anti’s mouth and dripping down his chin, and he coughs another one or two times after sitting up. His eyes are glassy and he doesn’t seem to recognise anyone around him.

He takes two deep breaths and shuts his eyes tight for a moment, and just for good measure, wipes the blood off his face and cleans his hand on the already ruined covers. Then he opens his eyes again quickly, too quickly, and looks down at his chest – and more importantly at his bloody shirt, black fabric soaked with dark crimson. He visibly freaks out and takes it off as fast as he can, ripping it even further. He tosses it to the other end of the bed in terror.

He has new scars. Star shaped ones, thin lines running into a single spot without leaving a dent, shiny and white. One on his back and a smaller one on his chest to match. Demons scar differently from humans, but it’s all too clear what left those.

Anti takes a few more shaky breaths, trying to calm down as if waking from a nightmare. He blinks rapidly a few times, shuts his eyes tight, then chokes a small sob. A few tears roll down his cheeks and he whimpers in the back of his throat. Then he wipes at his face again, opens his eyes. His gaze slowly focuses on Dark as he comes to his senses.

Everyone is silent and still. They don’t know what to make of the situation, what to do, what to say. Then…a chuckle. Shaky, weak, but undeniably alive.

“So...best friend, huh?” Anti’s lips draw into a small grin, not quite the usual one but getting there, because damn him if he’s not going to try and hide his pain and fear with humour.

Dark looks aside and shrugs. He doesn’t exactly know what else to do.

Anti lets out a little laugh. “I always knew you were sappy deep down, you old fart.”

He would probably say something else too, but before he knows it Dark is sitting on the bed and hugging him tight. Anti doesn’t know what to do for a moment, because Dark is not a hugging kinda guy and now he’s holding onto him like his life depends on it. Then he feels Dark gently knocking him upside the head without letting go.

“Shut up.”

Anti chuckles again, then he finally hugs Dark back as tight as he can, and he’s glad his nails aren’t sharp right now because they would be tearing holes into the perfect Armani suit. He tucks his face into Dark’s neck and smiles against his skin because Dark is his best friend.

When Dark sits back, he has an unusually soft expression on his face. Anti smiles at him, but then his eyes drift to the side and he sees Chase. Poor guy looks even more shaken than Anti, with eyes red and tears still running down his face.

Anti offers him a small smile, too. “Hey, bro.”

The next thing he knows, he’s on his back, Chase on top of him hugging the life out of him. He laughs, loud and joyful and very much alive, and he hugs his brother back. Chase is crying again, full on crying into Anti’s shoulder and his whole body shakes with it.

“I...I almost...almost lost you...” Chase stutters, and suddenly Anti feels really bad. “You idiot...No, don’t you...don’t you dare...say sorry.”

Anti stays silent and just holds onto him until he can sit up again. When he does, Anti’s sitting up as well, and he grins at Chase before taking the snapback that had somehow stayed on his head all this time. Chase lets him, and Anti looks really proud of himself with his brother’s favourite hat on his head.

It seems Anti’s only realising bit by bit how many people are present, because he looks absolutely delighted when he notices Sean sitting on the bed too. Sean smiles at him – everyone seems to be smiling now – and waves, saying a soft “hey”.

Anti wobbles over to him on his knees and pulls him into a hug, because he doesn’t care, he’s so happy and he wants to hug everyone now. Sean doesn’t object.

“Thank you for saving me back there,” Sean mutters, and Anti’s rarely heard him this serious.

“Anytime, man.”

Sean sighs and pats him on the back. “You’re my favourite dumbass demon.”

Anti pulls away laughing and he playfully punches Sean’s shoulder. He feels so happy to be alive, he thinks he’s going to burst.

Wilford seems to be resenting the fact that he’s not in focus, because he loudly claims that “this calls for a group hug”. Bim cheers loudly at that, and the Host smiles.

They all pile onto the bed, clumsy as it gets, and they all but suffocate Anti in one giant hug. For once Dark doesn’t mind physical contact, Bim fights the urge to cry again and Google smiles softly as he props his chin on the Host’s shoulder. And Anti’s in the middle, smile huge enough to reveal his fangs, just radiating joy. Things were scary, he’s pretty sure he almost died, but now everything feels better than ever. He’s just so happy.

After a while they all pull apart, but most of them remain sitting on the bed. Anti’s in the middle, grin wide and his hat knocked to the side. Dark comes back from the wardrobe with a towel in his hands and wraps it around Anti’s shoulders to make up for his ruined shirt for now before he sits down behind him. Anti thanks him and pulls the towel tight around his shoulders.

“So...what happened?” Anti asks. No one responds. “The last thing I remember is that I was fighting to protect Sean from those things, but after that it’s just...nothing.”

Everyone remains silent. The wounds are still fresh, thinking, let alone talking about the hours when they thought they would lose Anti would just hurt too much. Bim suddenly finds his cuffs very interesting. Chase shifts a little bit closer to Anti.

The other reason no one is speaking up is because they actually have no idea.

Google starts whirring, and everyone watches as it gets louder and louder until he slaps himself on the forehead. Anti and Sean are very amused by that ending.

“We’re all idiots,” Google says, and Dark is already opening his mouth because he’s not willing to accept that as fact. Google doesn’t pay him any mind and continues. “We already know that Anti gains his power from attention, and more importantly love, right? I think because we were all here, worrying about him, not wanting to lose him, loving him...that was enough to bring him back from the brink of death.”

A stunned silence settles between them. It makes so much sense. Anti sniffles a little, but everyone pretends not to notice, and Chase pulls him into a hug again to comfort them both.

Dark is the first one to speak. “Now, regardless of that,” he semi-seriously scolds Anti. “don’t you dare pull a stunt like that ever again.”

Anti agrees to try.

“The Host wishes to say that he could not be happier with the outcome,” the Host smiles, and Bim nods along enthusiastically.

“I think we can all agree on that, my friend,” adds Wilford. He earns a rare smile from Dark, but no one dares mention it.

They talk about nothings for a while, because no one wants to mention today’s events but being in each other’s company is comforting. At some point Chase gets his hat back and they get rid of the ruined covers to make sure no one sits in blood. Sean doesn’t mention it, but he notices the whole room seems to be gaining colour.

“Guys, I’m sorry, but...I think I should probably get going,” Sean says after a while. It earns him some disapproving whines. “I don’t know how late it is in my world, but if it really is late, I don’t want Signe to worry. Plus I do want to tell her about what happened to day, and man, I’m exhausted.”

No one really argues aside from Anti’s tentative “five more minutes?”. Sean only laughs and hugs him and Chase goodbye.

“I’ll escort you back,” Dark offers. Anti immediately bounces to get up, but Dark shoots him a glare. “You stay here and don’t get yourself into any more deadly situations.”

“But I’m-”

“Don’t say that you’re fine, I won’t believe you anyway,” and while Dark looks really strict saying that, there’s genuine worry in his eyes. That alone convinces Anti to stay put.

Sean bids goodbye to everyone and jokingly tells them to be good and stay out of trouble before he takes ahold of Dark’s arm and the two of them disappear into thin air.

It’s evening in the human world, and the sun is just setting. They appear near where Anti got shot and leave the scene as quickly as possible. Neither of them want to remember right now.

Dark walks Sean all the way to his house. It’s a bit of a walk and, naturally, Sean won’t stay silent during it.

“Best friend, huh?” he teases, but he’s genuinely curious.

“I might be a bitter old demon,” Dark says without looking his way. “but even I have a heart too.”

“...and Anti stole it?” there’s a small smile forming on his lips. He can’t help it.

“Yeah,” Dark chuckles in a way that makes Sean think “fond”. “that glitchy rascal. Plus,” he shrugs. “that Chase kid needs his brother.”

Sean finishes quietly like he’s able to read Dark’s thoughts. “...and we all need our friend.”

Dark nods. They agree on that.

Sean is long used to having these beings in his life – so is Signe, so is Mark, so are some of Mark’s friends. They came out of nowhere, no one really understands how or why, they’re strange, sometimes scary or funny or cunning or very, very human. Sean is glad he decided to make friends with them. After all, they had just waltzed into his life, first Anti, then all the rest of them, and he could do nothing about it other than make the best of it. He’s happy he did. They’re a strange gang of curiosities, an ever growing family of demons and entities, and damn would he miss them if one day they just up and disappeared. He really hopes that day will never come.

Street lights flicker on as they walk and Dark regards them with mild interest. He looks almost human in the evening light – or maybe it’s just his peaceful mood making him appear so, Sean isn’t exactly sure.

They arrive at Sean’s house in comfortable silence. He walks up to the door and Dark waits a few steps away before he turns back to say goodbye.

“Well,” Sean smiles lightly. “It was nice seeing you again, Dark.”

Dark nods his head with respect, and it’s clear that he’s bidding farewell to a friend. He disappears into thin air the moment Sean closes the door behind himself.

“You too, Sean.”

[welcometomy20s]

June 1, 2019

Dangerously Chloe

‘Final’ Review

Yes, I already reviewed this, but since I now read the full story, I want to elaborate and finish some of my unfinished thoughts for this story. Again, in the surface (and perhaps in intention) the story is just an excuse to write sexy situations, but my thoughts are... a bit too deep.

Introduction for those who just encounter this, Dangerously Chloe is a webcomic written by Gisèle Lagacé and "Dave Zero1" Lumsdon, which is a spin-off of Eerie Cuties, which also spun-off Magick Chicks. Now while I tend to be positive on even most mediocre of material, I firmly do not recommend you reading Eerie Cuties. The whole motivation is just wrong. Magick Chick is okay, although I think Haruhi Suzumiya did a much better job of the same plot. This comic, however, is good. But again, in my own twisted little way, not really on the surface...

Let me just get you through the story and you’ll see why.

We have the zeroth arc (Ch 1 & 2) which sets up the conflict. Normal guy stumbles in a demonic pact and he inadvertently wishes a girlfriend and the demon set up a succubus Chloe to seal the deal, basically. Then we have the first arc (Ch 3) where Chloe tries to fix the problem, but inadvertently goes back in time and turns out cause all the things that led Teddy to be... Teddy.

While the plot is a well-worn trope, I just love how one can inadvertently travel backward in time. While Gisele might not put much emphasis on this, but I think while I was writing the initial review about narrative systems. If you are in a fantasy world, or a sci-fi world, you need establish the rules of the universe and make the narrative illustrative of the world itself. Now, one extreme is basically writing an encyclopedia with plot through it (see Lord of The Rings or more aptly Silmarillion) and the other side is throwing things in the kitchen sink, like here.

Now, thing about the kitchen sink is that most people fail to write the inherent instability of the structure that is created with this approach. One person who made sure to think about the structure of these universe was Terry Pratchett, and some extent Neil Gaiman. They knew the kitchen sink is silly, so they create the logic from that silliness, and there were masterful.

When an high school student can accidentally travel backward in time, and shapeshift, upload information to people’s brains and can bring people back from the dead, first of all you might this is just setting reset buttons, and yes that’s the proximate cause, but the distant effect is that it’s overwhelming clear the whole universe is going to fall apart in any moment.

And the best thing is... that’s exactly what happens.

Now let’s talk about Teddy’s initial plight. Teddy is an orphan due to his father eloping with someone else and his mother leaving them soon after. He also has a younger sister, Abby, obsessed with large boobs (which is might actually be important) so he had to be a caretaker early in his life. Almost of all of this was caused by Chloe in that first arc. And it gets worse.

Chapter 4 is filler, Chapter 5 introduces Prudence and angels, which is also interesting. Much like Sins, webcomics I reviewed (or in some sense Sinfest) there’s this trend of lackadaisical good. As in heaven is incompetent, and people there usually are easy to fool. Following the Anna Karenina principle however, incompetence comes in different flavors. In Sins, it’s arrogance, here it’s incredulity. We also have Pandora, which is not important much as being an second mother figure to Abby and also connecting Heaven and Hell, because she likes to seduces angels, which is what I mean by incredulity, because they cannot be principled.

Chapter 6 is first time Teddy turns into a girl. This seems like a filler, but it’s not... and we’re also introduced to more characters like Naomi, she’s a fun character. Lucretia is a mess, though. Chapter 7 continues with Naomi, again, the story slowly devolve itself. Naomi has a second plot with Prudence, which is basically a foil. It makes sense in the overall arc, though.

Chapter 8 where the unravelling goes the next step, when Chole accidentally ‘kills’ Teddy. Teddy is a ghost now, but apparently it’s easy to save him? See, more corruption. We also have Alchemy, which is a reaper. You think Heaven and Hell takes care of that, but no, apparently. Best part of this is when Abby get sent to heaven, and Pandora has to retrieve her. But this chapter is again another escalation in disruption, but of course it resolves for now.

Chapter 9 looks like filler, but Abby getting advice from Pandora and Chloe is important since it tells that we hit the point of no return. Teddy wants Abby to grow up normally, but Abby was kind of destined to grow up not normally. Abby only really understands the demon world and that’s why her fate is inevitable, despite Teddy’s consideration. Chapter 10 introduce us to Gabby.

Chapter 11 is the Valentine arc, and it’s mostly vignettes, and yes, Naomi and Teddy have a real date together, but I really don’t like this... and at this point, you might wonder is all of this going to pay off? Why are you extolling this drivel, and I understand you, but just hang on.

Okay, Chapter 12, Teddy is offered as sacrifice, and we’re introduced to Hell. Chapter 13, we’re back to Naomi and she has too much spiritual drinks. And Prudence’s delusion becomes real because of all the trouble Prudence brings... the Will is stronger than ever. Also there’s Lacy who thinks she’s a Lesbian but it’s straight and I don’t like how it falls prey to the stereotype but the character is actually pretty decent. Also, she kind of sets up the next chapter...

Chapter 14 is story gains momentum. Teddy becomes a girl full time. He has demon blood and ghost blood, which stabilize each other. Chapter 15 means Abby have to save Prudence. Really like Abby’s arc here... she’s growing up... that’s going to come up a lot actually. Also Pandora!

Chapter 16 runs parallel to 15. To back up, the first half is about Chloe trying to find Teddy a date, but the second half it’s Teddy trying to find Chloe a date. First half was really exposition, setting up the world through the narrative, now we’re seeing the world crumble as the search begins. Chapter 17, Teddy goes to hunt on his(?) own. Chapter 18, Gabby solves the problem more easily and the pheromone is acting upon Teddy... and I think I want to talk about the role of sex in this series, because it’s not a sign of corruption or growth... not necessarily. Yeah, sex is what the story is about, but Teddy’s behavior is about experimentation. World finding itself.

Because dad comes back for this part of the story (Chapter 19), and then Teddy gets a stripping job... because she needs to get away from his situation. This again mirrors Chloe’s journey or her not knowing where her powers lead. Next arc (Chapter 20)... Chloe is almost at Stage 3... Chris Montana returns again... apparently he got his mojo now... also astute readers know that he’s not eligible due to the teacher arc. Chloe teaching her stuff is also pretty cute. So, in the end, Abby actually does become a succubus... and this is like her being in puberty. She feels mature, but she’s not actually mature and she has to learn that in the end.

Moving on... Teddy kicks out Chloe (Chapter 21). Chloe takes Teddy’s stripping job. Pandora finally takes angel’s serum. All this mental talking is taking the metaphor to the limits and I really this last few chapter has been pretty gripping in terms of how the story works... but

When Teddy becomes God (Chapter 22)... that’s when the story really shines. That this whole set of mishaps turns Teddy into freaking God. I mean that’s the climax for me. Rest of story just goes in spirals, Charity is all punk now, having simultaneous bonkings, Abby fighting...

Penultimate chapter (Chapter 23) takes things farther... this is the actual plot climax.  Final chapter (Chapter 24) takes care of all the problems. Chloe and Teddy are together, the end.

Now, I haven’t been discussing Tartarus Academy until the end, because I think it does give a hint into why all this instability didn’t blow up the world years ago. And I think that’s because it did, or least world is already at full chaos. Kind of Douglas Adams level of narrative. The Sergeant aren’t really wise, they tend to think impulsively, but that’s what they are there to do in some sense. I think academia is all about preservation, either preservation of order (think of Hogwarts) or preservation of chaos. Academia don’t really have to be an enforcer of rules as ones approving the actions that occurred. In this case, Sergeants in the story only enforce in order to maintain its power of approval. (Also the reason why the Valentine chapter is so weak)

Speaking to Valentine, how does the narrative theory work? Is there something that Teddy and Chloe pursue in common. I think the thing that brings Teddy and Chloe together is commitment. Teddy and Chloe were bounded, but here the resolution could have been resolved instantly. But the whole story is them trying to commit against the bounds. And that’s a legitimate drive.

Overall, the whole story is quite a rollercoaster. (If you are not me,) you probably wouldn’t know this story will be this way... and that’s one of the reason I like this story. It’s really nice for such a low expectation... I don’t know what else to say. The whole thing reads in few hours, and it might be pretty slow and silly, but the whole thing becomes less silly and more interesting. B+, really.

[kayawagner]

Gnome Stew Notables – Caitlynn Belle

Welcome to the next installment of our Gnome Spotlight: Notables series. The notables series is a look at game developers in the gaming industry doing good work. The series will focus on game creators from underrepresented populations primarily, and each entry will be a short bio and interview. We’ve currently got a group of authors and guest authors interviewing game creators and hope to bring you many more entries in the series as it continues on. If you’ve got a suggestion for someone we should be doing a notables article on, send us a note at headgnome@gnomestew.com. – Head Gnome John

Meet Caitlynn

Caitlynn Belle is a queer game designer and writer from Savannah, Georgia. You can find her Patreon at where she makes so many weird games about sex and feelings.

@auracait on twitter

auramakesgames.itch.io

Talking With Caitlynn

1) Tell us a little bit about yourself and your work. 

My name’s Caitlynn Belle, I’m a queer games girl from Savannah, Georgia, and I mostly release small, experimental games through my Patreon (caitlynnbelle.com and at

kirigami

3) What themes do you like to emphasize in your game work?

Sexuality and identity, I think, are the big ones. I want games that represent me and I want to do my best to put games out that represent others. I want spaces to talk about sex in a safe and healthy way and I want to explore identity and self-expression and what it means to really dig into yourself and figure out who you are, year after year.

4) What mechanics do you like best in games?

I appreciate finding interesting ways to divine outcomes other than dice or cards, anything quirky that ties back into the theme of the game somehow (Jenga towers for tension / fear, for example), and to be honest, I really like just pure narrative storytelling. Games like Fiasco where the structure of the game enables you to just wheel out and say whatever. I don’t like randomizers much in the games I play – my friends and I are used to creating characters and arcs and just driving towards their conclusions with as few speed bumps as possible.

5) How would you describe your game design style?

Sexy and weird. Just like me. But for real, all I’m trying to do is give you interesting things to say and interesting ways to say it. I think if you have that as your foundation, your game stands a much better chance of being awesome. I try to be authentic in voice, so it sounds like me and the image of the game I have in my head is the same image you get in yours, and I try to let my excitement for whatever it is I’m giving you shine through.

6) How does gender/queerness fit into your games?

They’re all tools to tell stories about queer identity. There’s things you feel weird or like an outcast over that you shouldn’t, but there’s no media for you, nowhere to explore people like you, and I want to start normalizing the idea of having cool gay characters do cool gay things. All of these games are coming from a girl who’s still on her own adventures, figuring out gender and love and who she is, and I think those themes are apparent in the text. I know very, very few people who aren’t exploring feelings about themselves in at least some tiny capacity, who they are and how they’ll express themselves, and that’s a real, honest, vulnerable thing, and I really want to see those kinds of characters out there as well.

7) How does the process of making small games influence your design?

It lets me latch on to any tiny idea I get and give it a proper home and just enough space to breathe and be a thing. You get small ideas sometimes and they can’t fill a larger game – just these little inklings of plots or rules – but they fit wonderfully on a three-page game that focuses in on a single experience.

 You get small ideas sometimes and they can’t fill a larger game – just these little inklings of plots or rules – but they fit wonderfully on a three-page game that focuses in on a single experience. 

Share1

Tweet

+11

Reddit1

Email

There’s a lot of things that I couldn’t make into a larger product but I don’t think that makes them less valid. Like, I legitimately feel the 200 word RPG challenge that David Schirduan puts out each year has made some of the best games in our community, and I mean that sincerely. They’re beautiful, wonderful games, powerful and captivating, better than most anything in our collections or up on Kickstarter. But, making smaller projects lets you really focus in on what an idea needs and how you edit, and what you should be editing, and it helps strengthen your writing overall. I try to follow these small ideas to completion each month or every other month and it lets me play around with a lot of strangeness that would otherwise drown in deeper pools.

8) How did you get into games? Who did you try to emulate in your design?

I’ve been roleplaying and playing board games forever, so eventually I took the next logical step and tried to make a game I wanted to play that I hadn’t seen yet. My brother played D&D, and when I was little, I didn’t understand how they were playing a game with no board and why they were talking so much and all the funny dice, so even back then I was trying to pick apart social interactions to form it into a cohesive whole? Which I think sounds a little heavy for a little girl to be doing? But like, I just love taking things apart and seeing why they’re working the way they are, and why people make the choices they do. Once I got an idea of what roleplaying was I just kept doing it forever and ever! As far as who I try to emulate, my secret goal is to make a game that Jason Morningstar really loves. I really like Jason’s work, it’s well-written, thoughtful, and fun. I feel like he’s got a really good handle on how to present a product and how to structure play towards a type of story, and how to do that with as few tools as possible, and that’s something I really admire. I like to picture him as some kind of lich, and only by stealing his phylactery and drinking in his soul will I understand his methods.

9) What one thing would you change in gaming?

How games look. We’ve got this vision of a roleplaying game as a thing with character sheets and dice and rules for doing skills and progression towards conflict and violence. There’s very little space for games that don’t want that – games that have weird formats or physical requirements, or that don’t want to tell stories about conflict and fighting, or games that don’t want to engage in long-form campaign play. They don’t get the same kind of attention and it makes for a drab, textureless playing field. I would really like to see games that just throw everything out the window and tell more personal stories, or find other ways to engage in narrative besides the same tools we’ve been using for decades.

so many games!

10) What are you working on now?

A million billion things – I’ve got a collection of tiny games about goblins, and they’re all dealing with things like intimacy between friends, processing death, body image and self-esteem, consent and boundary issues, etc. I wanted to take a traditional mindless monster and show them in vulnerable moments. My bigger project though is a game about telling the story of a world left to grow outside of its bounds after society left it: you play as the landscapes and memories instead of people (as it’s an overgrown apocalyptic jungle at this point) and build a narrative about what life used to be. It’s proving really challenging, because I have to consider how one might portray blades of grass or forgotten songs, and what that looks like in play! But I think it’s a sweet game and I hope people will like it!

11) Who/what games are some of your influences?

Jason Morningstar’s stuff for telling stable, structured, fascinating stories out of sparse, thoughtful tools – his larp Juggernaut is absolutely excellent and is easily one of the top ten storytelling games of all time. Ross Cowman, especially Fall of Magic, because Ross’ games capture a sense of wonder and heartbreak that just destroys you. We play Fall of Magic once a year and every time it’s just this fucking experience, this thing that sends chills down your back and keeps you up at night. It’s so good. Everything Ross touches is gold. Meguey Baker’s wonderful seasonal games are just magic, too, just dripping with mischief and wonder and crystalline imagery. Emily Care Boss’ romance trilogy, for taking romance seriously and giving you just really fucking great games to explore them with, Epidiah Ravachol’s Vast & Starlit for just being the most concentrated genius you can fit on a business card, I could write entire essays about that game. Ben Lehman, though I don’t get to play his games as often as I like, he always writes things that make me stop and reconsider what I’m doing and how it could be better, just these great little bits that form a much greater whole. I could really go on and on naming all these people I love. Everyone makes great games. Play every game.

Thanks for joining us for this entry in the notables series.  You can find more in the series here: and please feel free to drop us any suggestions for people we should interview at headgnome@gnomestew.com.

Gnome Stew Notables – Caitlynn Belle published first on https://supergalaxyrom.tumblr.com

[swipestream]

Gnome Stew Notables – Caitlynn Belle

Welcome to the next installment of our Gnome Spotlight: Notables series. The notables series is a look at game developers in the gaming industry doing good work. The series will focus on game creators from underrepresented populations primarily, and each entry will be a short bio and interview. We’ve currently got a group of authors and guest authors interviewing game creators and hope to bring you many more entries in the series as it continues on. If you’ve got a suggestion for someone we should be doing a notables article on, send us a note at headgnome@gnomestew.com. – Head Gnome John

Meet Caitlynn

Caitlynn Belle is a queer game designer and writer from Savannah, Georgia. You can find her Patreon at where she makes so many weird games about sex and feelings.

@auracait on twitter

auramakesgames.itch.io

Talking With Caitlynn

1) Tell us a little bit about yourself and your work. 

My name’s Caitlynn Belle, I’m a queer games girl from Savannah, Georgia, and I mostly release small, experimental games through my Patreon (caitlynnbelle.com and at

kirigami

3) What themes do you like to emphasize in your game work?

Sexuality and identity, I think, are the big ones. I want games that represent me and I want to do my best to put games out that represent others. I want spaces to talk about sex in a safe and healthy way and I want to explore identity and self-expression and what it means to really dig into yourself and figure out who you are, year after year.

4) What mechanics do you like best in games?

I appreciate finding interesting ways to divine outcomes other than dice or cards, anything quirky that ties back into the theme of the game somehow (Jenga towers for tension / fear, for example), and to be honest, I really like just pure narrative storytelling. Games like Fiasco where the structure of the game enables you to just wheel out and say whatever. I don’t like randomizers much in the games I play – my friends and I are used to creating characters and arcs and just driving towards their conclusions with as few speed bumps as possible.

5) How would you describe your game design style?

Sexy and weird. Just like me. But for real, all I’m trying to do is give you interesting things to say and interesting ways to say it. I think if you have that as your foundation, your game stands a much better chance of being awesome. I try to be authentic in voice, so it sounds like me and the image of the game I have in my head is the same image you get in yours, and I try to let my excitement for whatever it is I’m giving you shine through.

6) How does gender/queerness fit into your games?

They’re all tools to tell stories about queer identity. There’s things you feel weird or like an outcast over that you shouldn’t, but there’s no media for you, nowhere to explore people like you, and I want to start normalizing the idea of having cool gay characters do cool gay things. All of these games are coming from a girl who’s still on her own adventures, figuring out gender and love and who she is, and I think those themes are apparent in the text. I know very, very few people who aren’t exploring feelings about themselves in at least some tiny capacity, who they are and how they’ll express themselves, and that’s a real, honest, vulnerable thing, and I really want to see those kinds of characters out there as well.

7) How does the process of making small games influence your design?

It lets me latch on to any tiny idea I get and give it a proper home and just enough space to breathe and be a thing. You get small ideas sometimes and they can’t fill a larger game – just these little inklings of plots or rules – but they fit wonderfully on a three-page game that focuses in on a single experience.

 You get small ideas sometimes and they can’t fill a larger game – just these little inklings of plots or rules – but they fit wonderfully on a three-page game that focuses in on a single experience. 

Share

Tweet

+11

Reddit

Email

There’s a lot of things that I couldn’t make into a larger product but I don’t think that makes them less valid. Like, I legitimately feel the 200 word RPG challenge that David Schirduan puts out each year has made some of the best games in our community, and I mean that sincerely. They’re beautiful, wonderful games, powerful and captivating, better than most anything in our collections or up on Kickstarter. But, making smaller projects lets you really focus in on what an idea needs and how you edit, and what you should be editing, and it helps strengthen your writing overall. I try to follow these small ideas to completion each month or every other month and it lets me play around with a lot of strangeness that would otherwise drown in deeper pools.

8) How did you get into games? Who did you try to emulate in your design?

I’ve been roleplaying and playing board games forever, so eventually I took the next logical step and tried to make a game I wanted to play that I hadn’t seen yet. My brother played D&D, and when I was little, I didn’t understand how they were playing a game with no board and why they were talking so much and all the funny dice, so even back then I was trying to pick apart social interactions to form it into a cohesive whole? Which I think sounds a little heavy for a little girl to be doing? But like, I just love taking things apart and seeing why they’re working the way they are, and why people make the choices they do. Once I got an idea of what roleplaying was I just kept doing it forever and ever! As far as who I try to emulate, my secret goal is to make a game that Jason Morningstar really loves. I really like Jason’s work, it’s well-written, thoughtful, and fun. I feel like he’s got a really good handle on how to present a product and how to structure play towards a type of story, and how to do that with as few tools as possible, and that’s something I really admire. I like to picture him as some kind of lich, and only by stealing his phylactery and drinking in his soul will I understand his methods.

9) What one thing would you change in gaming?

How games look. We’ve got this vision of a roleplaying game as a thing with character sheets and dice and rules for doing skills and progression towards conflict and violence. There’s very little space for games that don’t want that – games that have weird formats or physical requirements, or that don’t want to tell stories about conflict and fighting, or games that don’t want to engage in long-form campaign play. They don’t get the same kind of attention and it makes for a drab, textureless playing field. I would really like to see games that just throw everything out the window and tell more personal stories, or find other ways to engage in narrative besides the same tools we’ve been using for decades.

so many games!

10) What are you working on now?

A million billion things – I’ve got a collection of tiny games about goblins, and they’re all dealing with things like intimacy between friends, processing death, body image and self-esteem, consent and boundary issues, etc. I wanted to take a traditional mindless monster and show them in vulnerable moments. My bigger project though is a game about telling the story of a world left to grow outside of its bounds after society left it: you play as the landscapes and memories instead of people (as it’s an overgrown apocalyptic jungle at this point) and build a narrative about what life used to be. It’s proving really challenging, because I have to consider how one might portray blades of grass or forgotten songs, and what that looks like in play! But I think it’s a sweet game and I hope people will like it!

11) Who/what games are some of your influences?

Jason Morningstar’s stuff for telling stable, structured, fascinating stories out of sparse, thoughtful tools – his larp Juggernaut is absolutely excellent and is easily one of the top ten storytelling games of all time. Ross Cowman, especially Fall of Magic, because Ross’ games capture a sense of wonder and heartbreak that just destroys you. We play Fall of Magic once a year and every time it’s just this fucking experience, this thing that sends chills down your back and keeps you up at night. It’s so good. Everything Ross touches is gold. Meguey Baker’s wonderful seasonal games are just magic, too, just dripping with mischief and wonder and crystalline imagery. Emily Care Boss’ romance trilogy, for taking romance seriously and giving you just really fucking great games to explore them with, Epidiah Ravachol’s Vast & Starlit for just being the most concentrated genius you can fit on a business card, I could write entire essays about that game. Ben Lehman, though I don’t get to play his games as often as I like, he always writes things that make me stop and reconsider what I’m doing and how it could be better, just these great little bits that form a much greater whole. I could really go on and on naming all these people I love. Everyone makes great games. Play every game.

Thanks for joining us for this entry in the notables series.  You can find more in the series here: and please feel free to drop us any suggestions for people we should interview at headgnome@gnomestew.com.

Gnome Stew Notables – Caitlynn Belle published first on https://medium.com/@ReloadedPCGames

[kindabraveandlittlestupid]

A Love/Hate Review of the movie Black Panther and my thoughts on feelings on this MCU addition. Please note these are just my feelings and thoughts on the film, its an opinion and I am simply one guy from the internet so if there is something you agree with (great) and something you disagree with (also great) just know I am not looking to have a fight over an opinion, which lets be frank have very little influence over the real world and your own like/dislikes.

After watching the trailer and months later stepping into the movie theater, I carried with me three concerns I hopped the movie would address. The first was noting Wakanda’s isolationism in the trailer wondering why a country so advanced would allow so much chaos to go on around them which was addressed and also a main plot point in the movie carrying some good political messages with it. A+. The second was a concern for the score of the movie worried they might go the way of Blade or Daredevil letting a bunch of artists put some random songs to the movie which would feel out of place but instead they opted for the orchestra with some heavy influences from proper African music. A++. The last prejudgment was the suit being bulletproof which I could get behind with Vibranium but somehow not being affected kinetic energy (momentum) from a projectile IE AK 47 being shot at him close range. Which he would have jerked back after being shot but instead shrugged the bullets and absorbed their energy. D -. Call me a stickler but I take the Neil deGrasse Tyson approach to movies and let science influence my opinion when watching while the kinetic energy could be absorbed he is still wearing a soft flexible suit which would have had him bruised and on his ass during that first convoy attack scene.

With those three concerns addressed going into the movie, I found there were some things I loved about the movie and somethings I hated as well. I know not everyone will agree with me on this but like I said its an opinion and we all have the right to be critical of art. It's once you go from being a critic to making personal attacks against other people or the actors/crew themselves that your opinion doesn't matter anymore... looking at you Star Wars Fanboys attacking The Last Jedi.

Shuri (Love) Getting past the immediate point that I think she is beautiful, she is easily my favorite character in the movie. She injected the humor, was a proper heroine and above all else the smart girl in the movie. I don’t know why it's so important to me personally being a white guy and all but I been wanting to see a female scientist role filled by Black Woman. Perhaps it was the fact Ghostbusters 3 had that chance but dropped the ball with Leslie Jones, The Martain had a bunch of white astronauts and only one of them was Latino, Marvel itself had been lacking a smarty character who wasn't Stark or Strange, or perhaps Geostorm (god knows why I watched that movie) had a black astronaut female but I can only remember her in one scene. I know lots of people got excited for Black Panther for its dominantly African American cast (no love for Luke Cage?) but to me personally seeing Shuri as the inventor of Wakanda was the major win in the movie and I hope to see more of her in the next Infinity War and BP2. 

Heart-Shaped Herb/Vibranium (Love/Hate) I am used to many films using a MacGuffin and/or Applied Phlebotinum where something or some item seems to have a cure-all effect for the storyline that explains everything away without explaining anything. The Force, the Infinity Stones, Asgard Magic = Science, and so on most of the Marvel movies utilize something like this so I am no subtracting points completely for Black Panther doing the same but whenever I asked questions about how Black Panther never gets bruised I hear (it's because of the Herb) and no one seems too eager to break down the ‘How’ aspect behind the story. With Stark we could believe in the concept of the arc generator powering his suit and keeping shrapnel from his heart, it was explained during the movie. Black Panther, on the other hand, felt like the writers kinda mumbling “Something something something Vibranium allows them to do it” without investing to the audience's intelligence that might be able to follow along with the logic. Maybe I watched too much Star Trek and appreciate a universe that had explanations and limitations for its fantasy tech but there it is.

Killmonger (Hate) Perhaps spoiled again by good writing in other movies or years of reading comics in both the DC and Marvel Universe but Killmonger (to me) was an underdeveloped villain that quite honestly seemed kinda forced on the internet community as "the Best Marvel Villain" which I honestly feel he isn't deserving of. Here is a list of reason why I don't think he was the best.

CIA Colonizer - I realize Colonizer is supposed to be at a sting for early white exploration building colonies around Africa, Asia, India, etc but hard to feel empathy for Killmonger when served their interests so wholeheartedly. He felt justified for learning their tactics by going to Afghanistan and racking up kills of people who were not colonizers at all just Afganies. 

Dead Girlfriend - He seemed to have a relationship with one girl who was going to come back with him to Wakanda before Killmonger shot her in order to get to Klaw. I am aware this is supposed to make him look like a cold-hearted killer but its just another victim under his rampage towards the throne.

Civil War - The attempted to play up that this was his plan all along as some sort of calculated long game but the underhanded approach of trying to shame T’Challa only fractured the Wakanda people and undermind his legitimate claim to the throne. Not to mention the resulting battle ended up leaving hundreds of Wakandans dead on a battlefield when the two factions clashed.

A Stupid Fucking Plan - So his plan, in the end, was to export weapons to communities to fight ‘colonizers’ all over the world. Sounds like a solid idea but is it? It was one of those plans that were less sound the more you think about it. Was he going to deliver arms to who? Northern African Terrorists (Boko Haram) the same who kidnapped hundreds of school girls? Was he going to deliver it to inner cities in the United States where there would be massive collateral damage in black neighborhoods and where there is a real chance that some might use their weapons against each other first? If the mission was to simply sow chaos into the world then yeah its a pretty good plan to start distributing Vibranium weapons but that was not his objective, he claimed liberation which would lead to lots of bloodshed that would likely leave African Communities decimated along with most major cities.

So that's why I wasn't a big fan of Killmonger. His story was yes tragic but he adopted the means/methods of the people he hated. He seemed to have killed more of his own people or people in Afghanistan then he did any white oppressor. And lastly, his plan to dishonor T’Challa and deliver weapons around the world wasn’t a strategy of someone playing the long game but rather someone who was acting out in anger and emotion. If that is what makes him a good villain fine but I think Black Mariah tapped into that tragic backstory better.

M'Baku (Love) I suppose I liked M’Baku because he was clearly an honorable leader. Sure he challenged T’Challa for the Throne as was his right but when the others arrived to provide him the flower so he might fight Killmonger himself he instead revealed he saved T’Challa and gave the man who beat him in fair combat. He could have easily taken the flower and attempt to take the throne a second time. He could have let T’Challa float down the river to wherever but he chooses not too. Gotta show him some love for not letting temptation sway him.

W’Kabi (Hate) Not much character development invested into W’Kabi but he was presented as a friend of T’Challa and lover (maybe husband) to Okoye. I suppose what bothered me was how quickly he shifted loyalty from T’Challa to Killmonger. Not the long-standing relationship presented in the movie and also one that shouldn't have happened considering a 30-second conversation with T’Challa would reveal that Eric was working with Klaw and that the only reason WHY Klaw escaped was that Eric blew a hole in the wall. I wonder if there will be redemption for W’Kabi in the next movie or not. I certainly hope so.

Nakia (Love/Hate...Ok Love) I loved her and I hate the fact her role was so little in the movie (doesn't hurt that she to was easy on the eyes). I always appreciate someone who represents the altruistic part of society and isn't willing to sit back and watch the world burn around her. I struggle to think of any male or female character of the MCU who believes in that sort of behavior as purely as she did. Maybe Danny Rand (if he wouldn't shut up about being Iron Fist and training in K'un-Lun) had his altruistic moments by wanting to sell medication at cost but that isn't quite on the level of activity that Nakia was. Either way, I want to see more of her and see her a greater influence on T’Challa. Also, why didn’t she fly to Oakland to help Shuri setup the Wakanda Outreach centers?

Wakanda AI (Love) I know its such a small thing but think Trevor Noah is a great guy. The kind of guy we need more of in the United States to tip the scales away from the more conservative extremists. I was completely unaware he was in the movie and when I found out he was the AI for Shuri’s lab I went back to watch the movie a second time just to hear his voice. As a political nerd and just general nerd, I love little details like that laced into the film as ‘easter’ eggs and putting forward one of South Africas (and now Americas) greatest progressive comedians into the film made me happy.

Attack on Museum (Hate) I understand the whole first act was basically to help establish Killmongers character but his approach of working with Klaw for some reason seemed well... pointless. He could have any point shot Klaw threw his ass on an airplane and flown all the way down to Wakanda and challenged Black Panther for the title of King without any underhanded approach and ALL the tribes would have been loyal to him. I am sure some people think it was a way to disgrace the Black Panther but there was no way he could predict if T’Challa would kill Klaw or put him directly on one of their private jets and flown all the way back to Wakanda after the Hong Kong chase scene. Its one of those things that seemed to rely on chance to much instead of planning it out properly. I am sure someone will say he (Killmonger) tipped off the CIA so they would bring him in first but I dont buy that.

Oakland (Love) Perhaps a little bit too much of community pride is the addition of Oakland to the movie and me being a Bay Area local I am always a bit prideful when one of the local cities makes it into a show or movie. I feel San Francisco has always been our go-to city for movie magic in Nor Cal and even San Jose/Silicon Valley has become popular with the tech community dominating the region but its good to see the 510 get some love as well. Well done Marvel.

Conclusion So all and all Black Panther was pretty good. I think they should explain more the Vibranium and Heart Shaped Herb some more in next movie and apply some limitations. I think this movie has provided a great cast of strong women for young girls to look up too. An I am excited to see a part two and/or part three to the series. Even more so the conclusion of Infinity War.

If I were to put it into my top ten marvel movies...

Iron Man

Thor: Ragnarok

Avengers: Infinity War

Guardians of the Galaxy Part 1

Avengers: Age of Ultron

Spiderman: Homecoming

Black Panther

Guardians of the Galaxy Part 2

Doctor Strange

Captain America: Winter Soldier

Hope no one is upset its not my personal top five but I am trying to be honest with myself in what brought me the most joy. Look on the bright side I didnt add Blade or Deadpool onto the list which might have pushed some movies (including Black Panther) lower on my list. ^_^

With Regards Michael California

[spryfilm]

“Transformers: The Last Knight” (2017)

Sci-Fi/Action

Running Time: 149 minutes

Written by: Art Marcum, Matt Holloway and Ken Nolan

Directed by: Michael Bay

Featuring: Mark Wahlberg, Stanley Tucci, Josh Duhamel, Anthony Hopkins and John Turturro

Sir Edmund Burton: “It started as a legend, one of the greatest of all… For a thousand years, we’ve kept it hidden, to protect Earth from what is expected to arrive…”

One thing about Michael Bay’s ‘Transformers” movies is that every single one of them boast an ‘A’ list cast, it seems that there is an endless queue of actors just waiting to be in this now five picture series. In “Transformers: The Last Knight” (2017) the latest big name actor to appear is the great Anthony Hopkins who chews scenery like the pro you would expect him to be – it is easy to see he knows exactly what kind of film this is – even if other members of the cast seem a little lost within this franchise. The question is now, after all these films that seem to be eerily similar, can there be anything more to see and experience from a new movie?  Is there a plot that can convince people to pony up the bills to not only go and see this movie but to take the family as well? The simple answer is that this is a hot mess with little real point to exist other than to try and buy Paramount a much needed hit as they struggle to make any money this year.

I am not a Michael Bay hater at all, in fact I probably like most of his movies, he is unashamedly a male movie director, caring little for anything else other than testosterone to be made physical onscreen. I truly believe he loves movies, the problems is he is making movies only he wants to see. Bay has the clout to pretty much do anything he wants, yet he has continually returned to this ‘Transformers’ Universe, even though with each movie he says it will be his very last – something he had echoed to the days leading up to this movies theatrical release.But why wouldn’t he return, the last four ‘Transformer’ movies have generated almost US$4 billion at the international box office – surely one of the biggest franchises in film history. These movies gave Shia LaBeouf, Josh Duhamel, Megan Fox, Tyrese Gibson careers, as well as solidifying Mark Wahlberg as a box office giant (although this last film may damage that repuataion). They also created great over the top roles for character actors John Turturro, Jon Voight, Stanley Tucci, TJ Miller and Kelsey Grammer to name a few.

There is much to like with these movies, of course there is much to dismiss – one of these is the bloated running times, another is the action which at times can be hard to follow – something that harkens back to the first film and continues through to this fifth one.

This new Transformers movie is concerned with the absence of Optimus Prime and the war that has commenced between the Transformers Reaction Force (humans) and the Transformers. To save their world, Cade Yeager (Mark Wahlberg) forms an alliance with Bumblebee, an astronomer named Sir Edmond Burton (Anthony Hopkins), and an Oxford University professor named Viviane Wembley (Laura Haddock) to learn the secrets of why the Transformers keep coming back to Earth.

I am not going to get into plot details but needless to say Bay and his new team of screenwriters have attempted to keep the plot simple (as much as they can), however I did feel myself start to get a little confused at one point with the myriad of characters as well as their motivations. There is a lot to the story that seems to contradict itself particularly in the last thirty to forty minutes. In terms of that if you are willing to let these elements go then you will be able to cope, however if plot is important to you then you probably shouldn’t be watching this movie. At some points it almost seems like Bay has too much power of the studio, Paramount, a studio that seems lost amongst its peers and competitors.

There are a few reasons why I actually enjoy these movies; I am talking specifically about the Transformer films here, not overblown expensive and non-sensical blockbusters as a rule. I really like Optimus Prime as a characters, as well as a hero, he leads a seemingly endless, while small number of characters, the highlight of them is always Bumblebee. Prime’s home, Cybertron, has been left broken (there have been a few reasons given) as a refugee from space he is really trying to fit in and do his best for his people among humans. The action and special effects are almost always excellent, although the way in which they have been directed have been uneven over the entire run of these movies, a problem that is getting solved a little better with this film especially. I found it was much easier to follow what was happening onscreen, this could have something to do with a lot more wider shots being incorporated by Bay and his special effects team. The other thing that I enjoy is that whilst they attempt to be broad in scope as well as onscreen, they are nothing more than the original cartoon version’s brought to life at cinemas, they are escapist where there is a good guy as well as a bad guy, one will win, one will lose. Of course Bay overly complicates this by having multiple good and bad guys with different (not really) motivations but in the end it is always sorted out – the good guys win and vanquish the baddies. Of course the issue always is where to go to next, Bay has an answer, as does his new cadre of writers – or so they would have us believe – but i saw nothing here that was really new enough to justify the running time let alone another movie but as long as audiences keep turning up at the cinemas, the will keep churning them out.

After saying all that there are still issues with the movies, it mostly for me boils down to plot as well as narrative choices that are made – as well as characters that are introduced, then dumped for no reason. There is also the issue of choices that are made that seem to contradict motivations that have been set up either in the current story or previous films. More troubling, particularly with this current installment is the fact that the finale is not one, as we are given a pre-ending credits sequence that vainly attempts to set up another film, making me feel like I just sat through two and a half hours for nothing more than reinstating Prime’s home, Cybertron, as a macguffin for the number six.

As I have said there are any number of good actors that appear in these movies, the reason to have them is that they are the ones bringing the story to life, in this case the three standouts are Mark Wahlberg, Laura Haddock and the great Anthony Hopkins. These three main characters, when together onscreen, or just interacting with each other, really made this movie fun for me – even when the plot was way out of control or over the top. Wahlberg has turned into such a star that it is easy to forget he has made some pretty terrific films, just over the last year he has appeared in two legitimately great under seen films in “Patriots Day” (2016) as well as “Deepwater Horizon” (2016), both directed by Peter Berg. Here he carries a movie that could have dreadful but is saved by his expert ability to incorporate not only massive amounts of green screen acting but also bringing in two other actors to let them showcase their own skill. The highlight for me was Anthony Hopkins, brilliantly playing his age, acting against at times, green screens, other actors, a phone as well as giving great reaction shots – my favorite is him flipping people off during a high speed chase. Laura Haddock who almost plays like a Megan Fox lookalike comes into her own towards the end of the film, she could have been just another Bay babe, but has the chops to know what film she is in, and unlike previous versions of her character has much more experience in film to be treated too badly – I mean she seems to be playing her age – 31 – and has multiple degrees – so I think that is a step up from previous versions of this character.

Another thing that Bay has seemed to want to do is make some narrative sense out of the previous films, by not only upping the reason why Sam (Shia LeBeouf) was so important in the first three films – it involves his heritage and the great Witwicky name, but also bringing back John Turturro as some kind of Transformer legend expert – although he spends the entire film on a phone from Cuba – which was a little jarring – the entirety of this sub-sub-plot could have been removed easily with no harm to the plot – yes I used the word plot.

This is primarily an action movie with a sci-fi twist as well additions of humour, that is it – it is not a drama or a war film (although I think Bay may have grander things in mind). The best action films always move forward in terms of narrative, plot as well as the action itself – if it doesn’t do this it fails. One of the best action/sci-fi films that did this was James Cameron’s “Terminator” (1984), it was exposition heavy but when something was explained to the audience there were action set pieces taking place so we felt like it was perfectly natural – by the way it always lowers the running time of the movie, something Bay could take lessons from. What we have with these Transformer movies is action then explanation then more action – not only that it seems the action has nothing to do with the story, even with the massive ending, there are major holes of logic where the goal of the movie just keeps changing to encompass these huge CGI scenes, of really, after a while, is of  little interest.

It’s a real shame to see how this movie turns out; I thought there was going to be more meat on the bones, especially with Mark Wahlberg and Stanley Tucci returning to the movie – it seemed there was going to be a logical progression from number four, but this is put to rest in the opening scenes of Camelot (oh dear), with a particularly nasty bait and switch with Tucci, then an exposition heavy catch up on where we are in terms of the Transformers – by then I was more than a little confused as well as let down. The other element I disliked, which added to the confusion was the arbitrary way characters enter the story, disappear completely, then reappear, again for no real good reason. My feeling was that this was not a completed script with the special effects being planned before anything else – to me it feels like an Ed Wood film with hundreds of millions of dollars thrown at it. Look I have no problem knowing that people will go to this movie, but the question remains will enough people go to make a sequel worthwhile – who knows? There is some kind of Bumblebee movie planned for next year, but at this stage it may be too little too late for that character to have any impact on this behemoth of a franchise.

After all that I would actually say that this is an action movie that is PG, so all the family can enjoy it for what it is – a truly forgettable popcorn movie – it lacks the heart of Marvel films but also eschews the darkness of those terrible DC movies as well. It is more concerned with wowing an audience with CGI characters that are mostly fun but lack depth. This is the perfect example of a post-modern action film, there is nothing new to be added to a shallow legend, it has all been done before, but maybe thats the comfort of the Transformer movies. When I was a child I would have loved these movies, after all that is who they are aimed at. I would not bother buying this movie, maybe if it is streaming it might be worth a watch, but at a bloated running time I would not be hanging out for it – I for one will not be watching this again!

“Transformers: The Last Knight” is out now on DVD & Blu-ray.

DVD & Blu-ray review: “Transformers: The Last Knight” (2017) “Transformers: The Last Knight" (2017) Sci-Fi/Action Running Time: 149 minutes Written by: Art Marcum, Matt Holloway and Ken Nolan…

[rate-out-of-10]

MASS EFFECT: ANDROMEDA REVIEW

Since the Mass Effect series is one of my all-time favorite game series, I almost have to get my thoughts out on Andromeda. This game is a bit of a departure from the original series, taking us to the galaxy of (you guessed it) Andromeda. We leave the Milky Way in search for a new home amongst new stars and planets. Mass Effect: Andromeda is a loaded game, filled with content, so I will do my best to stick to all the pertinent information.

SPOILERS AHEAD. This review is based off my experiences with the game on the Xbox One.

We say goodbye to all of our adventures in the Milky Way, to Shepard, to our companions, to the fight with the Reapers, all of it; we meet our new human character, named Ryder, and whole new array of companions and crew mates, and other people/aliens. I will say that after the likes of Shepard and the Normandy crew, Andromeda does an admirable job with the follow up, but they just aren’t quite up to standard. And while I grew to adore some, most of the characters tend to fall flat. Drack, a krogan, grew on me very quickly the more I played with him, and I did fall into the Peebee trap, that cute ass asari, she’s just so infectious. Others like Cora and Vetra felt a little streamlined. I didn’t not like them, in fact I can say that by the end I did indeed like them, but there was a good while where I didn’t feel a good connection with them. But there is one companion that I did not enjoy at all: Liam Kosta. He was annoying, flat, boring to every degree, and I did not enjoy playing with him alongside of me at all. He delivers some of the most horrendous lines in the entire game. Our last companion, Jaal, is of the new species we find in Andromeda, an angara, and he felt cool in some places, and others a bit off (but only at first). Of course, by the end I felt for him and especially on his loyalty mission I really liked him. I was really hoping to get my twin, Sarah Ryder as a companion at some point. But of course, instead of killing her at the beginning, they chose the next worse thing: put her into a coma for most of the game. While you get to play as Sarah for a small section, which was short but sweet, and she helps you at the very end, I hope to see her as a companion in some future DLC. Andromeda features a wide array of new characters, and misses the mark with a few key ones. Our main villain, The Archon, of the new kett species, was a complete generic trope. The guy that believes he’s on some holy quest, he’s saving people, when in fact he’s just a psychopath hell-bent on killing everything that isn’t him. I was supremely disappointed in the lack of a boss-battle with him, as well. Where was it? The final section was just some drawn out wave combat as I disable some terminals, and then he dies. An absolute disappointment, especially when there are some pretty exciting bosses in the game, such as the Architects. Now, the game excels in certain categories, such as the loyalty missions for each character. I felt as though I really got to know my squad mates, and I helped them through whatever it was they were dealing with (except Liam’s. I did not enjoy him at all, I cannot express that enough). But the game tends to drop the ball in its essential story-telling. The main quest line had its ups and downs, but all together felt a little shallow. I was mostly interested in locating the other lost arks, and how they fit into the main story was very exciting and interesting, however the struggle with the kett and their exaltation, however horrifying it was, didn’t have too much pull on me. I was excited to craft new relationships and explore and do some amazing things, and I definitely did, I just wish that the main story had some stake in those feelings. In the original trilogy, I’d be torn between what to do, because I was so involved with all of it, but here I had almost no issue shelving the main quest in favor of my loyalty missions, or exploring the viable planets. I had no problem not playing the main story, until I had to, and I think that’s a problem. The main storyline isn’t strictly speaking bad, in fact it gets to be very cool towards the end with a lot of promise and spectacular moments, but it isn’t as enthralling all around as I would’ve hoped. And with the main story focusing on the evils of this new species, the kett, I was surprised that we only meet one other intelligent species native to Andromeda, the angara. Most of the other alien life is primitive and hostile. What made the likes of the Milky Way great was that humanity stumbled upon a huge galactic community of various species from the Milky Way, but in Andromeda there’s only two, and they’ve just been warring with each other for a hundred years, since before we got there? I wish we could’ve seen more, perhaps allied ourselves with another one, it could have raised the stakes a bit higher in the main story. As interesting as the angara were, this was a bit of a let-down.

Mass Effect: Andromeda makes a huge departure from the combat we’re used to playing in the series and offers a more versatile way to play. The combat itself, with your jump and dash abilities, feels so smooth. A major tune-up for the series, this was a great step in the right direction. Also, the class profiles, and access to every skill, was awesome. I very much enjoyed this new system. I didn’t feel bogged down or restricted, I could legitimately craft my Ryder in any way I wanted, and equip him with the abilities and skills necessary per scenario. It added a nicer piece of strategy to the game, and that’s always welcome. The game also looks as phenomenal as it feels in many places. Many environments are breathtaking; whether it’s the lush forest on Havarl, or the snowy mountains on Voeld, or the remains of the destroyed planet H-047c, or the springs of Kadara. I loved exploring each one and bringing up their viabilities to 100%. I felt so accomplished after activating the monoliths upon solving an alien Sudoku puzzle, activating the terraforming vaults, and settling outposts. And it wasn’t a high-maintenance thing at all, and I really appreciate that. Some games with aspects such as these sometimes go over board and make it a chore, but it’s fast and satisfying here. The galaxy map exploration has some cool things to offer as well, and some not so much. Its visuals are gorgeous, I will say, I very much like the point of view being the tip of the Tempest as you fly through the galaxy, but it isn’t so rewarding. Most planets you visit don’t offer anything other than a quick paragraph of info about the planet and some meaningless lore, others some XP and research points, and then the occasional salvage and loot. But exploring every system to 100% isn’t as rewarding as I wanted it to be. It’s not a necessity either, so that’s good because it is very much a skippable, tedious part of the game. The game’s research and crafting system is simple and cool to use as well, although I wish the OS was simple too. It can be a bit encumber-some and a real task to navigate, but you can get some really great gear out of taking the time to explore and find the elements and materials you need (or just purchase them). But trust me, you’ll get tired of the scanner real quick. Now, some other technical aspects were sore. The facial animations (of course), while I didn’t have any major glitches or problems during my 60 hour playthrough (thank god), they were still stiff and plain. However, it’s not something I take away from the game too much, plus future updates are fixing the issues. The voice acting is where I get most annoyed. Some characters just sound uncomfortable and some are lame. There were many deliveries that were cheesy or awkward, some were just painful to hear, even a few from my Ryder made me go, “oh my god stop.” One thing that players will notice as a departure from the original trilogy is the absence of Renegade/Paragon, it was swapped out with (I think?) a more dynamic approach to your Ryder character. Now in conversations, you choose between responses that fall under four categories: Emotional, Casual, Logical, and Professional. It was an interesting change from what we knew, however it doesn’t change the game or how I play all too much, it seems. You can read a nice psych profile written by the Tempest’s doctor, Lexi, based on your choices, but that’s about it. One thing that kept me coming back to the original trilogy was choosing different Renegade/Paragon options, it felt like they changed your relationships with other characters, it seemed like it would make a difference, but this new dialogue/action set up doesn’t have that same effect. There weren’t many major choices in the game that felt heavy either, none that drastically changed how the story would play out. Of course on my next playthrough I’ll be choosing the opposites of what I chose this first time, but if they don’t change my experience enough, I don’t see much reason to keep coming back to the game. I’ll wind up going back to the trilogy first before Andromeda, if that’s the case. Andromeda doesn’t have as high of a re-playability value as the trilogy.

One thing I didn’t touch on was the multiplayer, and that’s because it’s essentially recycled from Mass Effect 3. Wave-based, horde combat scenarios mixed with a few objectives, and then extraction. The combat in Andromdeda is great enough to where it’s fun to be in, but not for too long because I despise the leveling system. I don’t like the pre-set character abilities. I feel as though they could’ve kept it simple: let us choose what race we want, apply the skills we want to those races, and with each race they have a special ability that makes them unique. Almost like a create-a-class system from the Call of Duty games, but with your different characters/races. It should be progression based with the gear as well, not this loot box system with in-game currency that’s plaguing video games now. Acquiring better armor and weapons should be organic and correlative to how much I’m playing and how well I’m doing, not how much money I’m willing to spend. It takes the immersion right out of the game. It’s lazy. And that’s all I’m going to say on multiplayer. My final rating for Mass Effect: Andromeda is:

7.75/10. Not exactly what I was waiting for, but I’m glad I have it.

Andromeda has a ton to offer and for all intents and purposes, it’s a really good game, but there are quite a few shortcomings that hold it back from true greatness, especially as a follow up to one of the greatest game series’ to have ever come out. It excels with its planet exploration, its visuals, its combat, its loyalty missions, and dynamic class system. However the lackluster main story, which leaves many questions left unanswered, and a generic villain, copy & paste lazy multiplayer, some trivial voice acting, and its small scale choice system leads the game astray. I definitely think it’s worth getting for fans of the series, as well as those who enjoy sci-fi/fantasy games, and open-world exploration games. But the real greatness of the Mass Effect universe still lies within its original trilogy (for now anyway).