#no i cant believe they would check my account theres no way

[red-dyed-sarumane]

i didnt tag that art how did u find that. theres no way it was on ur fyp but i also dont believe u would be just looking at my account so How.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA For Snitching On My Brother?

tl;dr at the end, the submissions a bit long. sorry if this sounds like stupid teen drama, but i needed outside opinions. (tw for mentions of attempted suicide)

so for a bit of context here, me (14nb) and my brother (14m) both have Parental RestrictionsTM on our phones. In my opinion they are way more severe than they need to be. i am not allowed to have any social media at all, my mother barely tolerates discord. I cannot text anyone who is not my direct sibling or parent from 9pm at night to noon the next day and i cant use any "nonessential" apps during that time frame too. my brother has the same restrictions on his phone, but he has safari removed because my mother said he was playing "random internet games". however, he has found ways around this and ways around the app restrictions. i know how he does it. i really dont have any intention of telling our mother, its none of my business and i honestly dont care that much.

I recently moved to a new school. My brother and i were homeschooled prior to this during covid. And it was fine. We went to a homeschool co-op twice a week. A year ago we were both enrolled in Local Community College as dual enrollment students. A semester into that i was Not Vibing Well and ended up having a breakdown and getting a therapist. I would talk to her directly about this but i havent been able to see her in weeks due to scheduling conflicts. The workload seemed too much to me, there was no longer a distinction between School and Home. i felt like i was constantly on the clock, and i barely saw my friends. In addition to other factors at my co-op, I got very lonely. At that time the limits on my phone were 9pm-3pm (it was later edited to 9am to noon) . I cant remember exactly what happened, but i asked my mother to at least change the communication limits so that i could talk to my friends during the day. She said no, stating that I Do Not Need to Communicate With Friends During The School Day. i do not have a real “school day” i am at home basically 5/7 days of the week. And normal kids see their friends every day at school. The argument got dropped then.

Fast forward half a year, i felt increasingly lonely, out of place, bothersome, etc, at my co-op and have decided to try going to Local Public Highschool. This meant leaving my best friend (14f)  whom i love dearly (for the purposes of this post i will call her Z). Z is one of my favorite people in the whole world, we got platonically married, I lovingly refer to her as “my wife”, and i would genuinely die for her. She got a phone over the summer which means we have a better way to communicate, replacing discord as the primary communication system. Also at that time one of my best online friends fucked up their discord account somehow and the whole online group moved to text. there's about four of them? J, Other J, B, and L (ages vary from 12-16). I believe only B is directly relevant to this story but the others are worth mentioning. Additional context (tw for mentions of suicide from now on), all of those four are varyingly suicidal. B has attempted before, at least twice I believe. out of the group i am probably the most mentally stable.

School starts! I am already feeling a bit lonely due to leaving Z but we stay positive. I wake up for school at like 530 and check my phone at like 6:45. Woohoo a message from B! It was sent at 4 am. This is concerning. There is a glitch that i can use in order to view texts for between half a second and four seconds, it depends, and i use it. B’s message reads “Bye”. theres no fucking reason that they would be texting me goodbye at 4am in the morning unless they were going to kill themselves. I cannot properly view or respond to that text until noon, so eight hours. I wait to know if my friend is ok for eight hours, and at noon i check my phone again. In that time i’ve received messages from the groupchat. J, Other J, and L all received “bye” texts from B at around the same time period. After a few messages, we know B is ok, i dmed them privately and they responded both in ims and the gc. So they are ok. But i had to wait for eight hours to know that. Later that day i asked my mom if she had considered my proposal (i asked her a day or two before if she would at least turn off communication limits because it is also rather embarrassing to be honest to have to tell other people that oh i cant respond to your message right now, sorry my mom has limits on my phone :D. In addition i get anxious when i send a message that im nervous abt and it doesnt get responded to for hours so i hate leaving messages for longer than two hours). Once again, she said no. it goes against her Views As A Parent for me to have “unrestricted access” to my phone. She offered to add only Z to the list of people i can contact during the limits. This is better than nothing but Z texts more in the groupchat than she does in private messages so it wouldn’t work that well. We argued, it didnt work out, i got pissed off and we both went to bed. i very strongly feel that for like my mental health i need to be able to communicate with my friends better than i can at the moment. And i dont want to wake up to a message from a friend, have it be the last one they ever send, and not be able to respond for hours. 

Heres where the part where i could be an asshole comes in. (so sorry that that was really long i didnt know what parts would be needed as context and what were not so i just typed everything i think might be relevant). This isnt something that i am very strongly considering, as i truly dont want to fuck up my relationship with my brother and i love him a lot. I just want opinions on whether it would like be going too far i guess. I am considering offering a trade. I tell my mother how my brother has found ways around his limits, and she turns off the communication limits on my phone. WIBTA if i did that?

TL;DR: would i be the asshole if i snitched on how my brother got around some restrictions in exchange for me being able to communicate with my friends?

What are these acronyms?

[mzhydes-funtimes]

AM BROKE AND UNEMPLOYED PLZ DONT ASK FOR MONEY, IT'LL DO NOTHING BUT MAKE ME FEEL BAD!!!

Anyway with that out of the way

New Pinned for 2025!!!

General Info:

Cami, 19, Trans woman (pre-hrt), Diabetic (1), AuDHD

What You'll Find on this Blog:

This is my blog for general things and its MOSTLY SFW so for like 90% of my posts its preferably 14+, I've been trying to write more often and post my art as well to sorta get some sort of a name for myself so i can publish books (and write them of course), but havent been posting them very much recently but I AM TRYING! I have/will also post about my hobbies here which is the next section! But expect a few posts that are just good and have to post them here which the original poster will say 18+ which is true but because i was 17 once my #1 rule is: If you are 17 you may like and reblog ONLY with tags such as "queue" or "q" or something NO COMMENTING AND NO NOTES IN THE TAGS!!! If you break this rule you will be blocked. Majority of my posts are 14+ tho.

Hobbies:

Gaming: Video Games: Sonic, Celeste, Fable, SSB, Pokemon, Batman, Assassin's Creed: the original Trilogy, and a few others. Tabletop: Exploding Kittens, Dungeons & Dragons, Dungeon World, (generally) Role Playing Games, other miscellaneous games.

Art: Miniature painting, Usually Warhammer and DnD minis. Map making, slightly good at digital artwork (have to practice more). I take selfies of myself if i think i look good (once had someone ask if they could buy one to paint me but i waited too long and dont have a checking acc. So prolly fucked that up)

Finally an Intro to my Banner:

Starting in western reading order we have: Sobbs the Sobble, Pikachu (theres some lore combining two of my hyperfixations but after learning about a certain... oc, cant say it unless someone asks) and his Girlfriend Eevee, Peep, Marsh, Strawberry Cream (smells like it too 🥰), Marsh's Son (forgor their name 💀), Mushroom (forgor their name too 💀💀), Doc Kirb (Marsh's Friend), the Sanrio Trio, and Pencil (they had a silly pun name but i cant think of it rn)

Last but not least My Tags:

#Cami's Writing (my writing), #INFOPOCKET (updates and important info), #Cami's Art (my art), #Story ideas (reblogs of good ideas i may use as inspiration), #Cami's QnA (asks), #People Teasing Cami (people in my asks teasing me), #Cami's Selfies (my selfies)

(I have to hyperlink those but I'll do that l8r when I'm at my computer)

Alt Accounts/Blogs:

Firstly my secondary main account (nsfw, 18+ to follow) is @hyperactivetransdrone please note that 80% of the stuff on there is fiction and does NOT reflect me as a person as they are mostly "IF this was real" and "this is a fantasy and i dotn believe this, in fact if this did happen irl i would be disgusted" the only time things are real are some hypnosis and some of the things that actually sound physically possible.

Alternatively nsfw sode blog for this acc. Is @kinki-cami same rules apply, i can only have 1 acc. Signed into the app at a time

Lastly my writing tip side blog is: @story-tips-and-ideas

[malevolententity]

PROJECT 14!! I TOOK A BREAK FROM PATTERNING RICHAS!!

oh boy!! this took all of quarentena part 1 to make!! its been a few years since i made anything mesh so whipping up this hat in? what 5 and a half hours? maybe 6? i have not checked the vod time and i was also Cooking Dinner during a portion of it so time is hard to judge on how long this actually took. but it was fun! it Did reawaken my urge to crochet a mesh shirt even tho i would never wear it because it would be so uncomfortable. but making mesh is just so very mindless in a way thats good for me. maybe i should make a mesh blanket to scratch that itch.

we have an array of models for this item! to try and show off the mesh say hello to the bobby i made back in? oh the beginning of april i believe? i dont think any of you have actually seen bobby he might have been a twitter exclusive, say hi to bobby. we also have green garlic my bulbasaur showing off the mesh the best i believe!

QUARENTENA SEASON THOUGHTS! YES I AM CALLING IT A SEASON THERES GONNA BE 2 EPS. SEASON 1 ONLY HAD 3 EPS. THIS TOO CAN BE A SEASON!

i am blown away by how fun this group is and the skills they all have to roleplay in a second or third language for like 6 hours with basically no breaks to speak their natural languages. that is taxing to do and to deliver a story on top of that? i am so proud and impressed with all of them. also holy shit????????? no one fucking died???? i was convinced when the oneshot, now season, was announced that it was going to be a dungeon crawl that ends in everyone dying. i cant believe theyre all still alive after that?? AND THEN THERES ANOTHER EPISODE IRL NEXT WEEK?? i cant wait for the tpk next week!

i love this entire cast of characters theyre all such weird fucking guys in the most complimentary ways. I LOVE THAT WE BASICALLY GOT A SAW MOVIE??? THRIVING!! in a move that shall surprise no one. diego is my favorite. look at him. he is guy of all time to me. BUT OKAY THEYRE ALL WEIRD and usually when you have a cast of weirdos theres always someone who doesnt gel but they all did!! they all fought each other!!! but they all still complimented each others insanity and. this is what the party comp is To Me

i am too lazy to open photoshot for this tonight. maybe you get it proper tomorrow<3

i loved the ending. i loved the slow realization on everyones faces that in saving themselves they might be killing the world and still themselves!!!! also i cant wait to see the fall out next week. i am so fucking upset my dnd game is scheduled for around the same time so i am going to miss probably the first 2ish hours but i know my dash and the official!!!! twitter updates account!!! will catch me up on those two hours so i can jump back in. but AAAA oh i loved this. i dont know if it was on purpose that this felt like a zero escape game at times but oh man the production quality in this vs where m at in season 2 is just mind blowing. i knew it got better once they started being in the studio but this was so great for a home game. ALSO YALL GO CHECK ON AMY??? GO GET THE KID??? YOU CANT JUST LEAVE THE TRAUMATIZED BABY ALONE AFTER EVERYTHING U DID TO KEEP HER ALIVE??? GO GET HER?????

AND ALSO?? STUDIO NEXT WEEK?? BRAZIL MEETUP??? OH I AM SO PLEASED TO SEE IT ALL AND WHAT HAPPENS. this is def my longest update for this silly crochet project i started just a few months ago and i apologize but also. i dont because this show does mean so much more to me than i know how to put into words. and its been a long time since i fell in love with a tabletop universe this quickly. and i feel so grateful that i got to be introduced to this ttrpg earlier this year, and got to pull some friends into watching quarentena tonight because theyve heard me gushing about how good this universe is and how i trust this to be satisfying horror which is so hard to do in ttrpgs, but thats another post for another day.

[adlibitur]

just having a bit of a moment honestly below cut-

the thing about this account being ~12 years old is that sometimes I slip into the past still on here especially the inbox i never cleared out and it drags me down like a riptide, leaving me face to face with myself of the past who I want to apologize for to every person whos known me. Its like a goddamn punch to the gut to want to shake myself and say "YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. YOU AND THE INTERNET. YOU ARE TERMINALLY ONLINE AND IT IS RUINING YOU AS A PERSON AND YOUR LIFE" and i see messages between me and ____, and ____, and about ____ and I just feel like theres no level of apologizing for how fucking unhinged i was at points like at all. I was so unstable and so unhinged about these things and so fucking out there and no one fucking called me in check either like I wish friends would have or something? I dont even know if I would have listened but god fucking damn did I not know when or how to quit. and I'm sure this is just another example of me not leaving the past in the past but I've tried my hardest and it doesnt stay there. I've kept going and going and the past still haunts me like I could catch it if i spun around fast enough. And I am throttled by the guilt of how I acted in all of these cases and more every fucking day, and I try to push past that too but it feels like one more thing to magnify how I dont meet my own standards and i feel like I'm drowning in the feeling of needing to get on my knees and sob about how much I wish I could apologize, atone, and regret my behavior with all of my being. But I cant go back in time, so I keep trying so hard to be the best person I can be every day but I'm still so haunted by all the years past, and even further back too. I dont think I can apologize enough, and thats not to say I havent messaged those same people apologies likely on more than one occasion now but it still weighs so heavily on me and I think of new aspects to apologize for all the time. I dont know if I can ever shake this shit, its been so many years now and it still wont shake. Ive grown around it, used it in various ways to be and get better, but god it feels like shrapnel stuck in me that I've healed around- its still there. Like sure i was hurt but hurt is never an excuse for how I was acting and goddammit I dont even know what else to say. I just feel so, so much like I cant make up for what I've done even though it doesnt stop me from continuing to try to be the best I can be, I still feel like I'll never ever be able to compensate. I inherently believe I'm a bad person, or at least not good. Maybe neutral some days, but I just cant see myself as good- and I dont feel like its without reason when I look at all these inbox messages. It brings me to tears watching myself excessively destroy things I should have just dropped, wishing I could reach through time and shake myself, tell myself otherwise. but again not leaving the past where it belongs I guess. the worst part about this is being self aware at this point.

I dont know what else to say other than repeating myself more, this stuff makes me ache and I know some of yall freak out when I post long shit like this but I am literally begging those people to not bother me about this post, I just needed to vent.

[buriedclown]

Its a common thing that i cry everytime we go to rachels but this time was different. While i sat , friday night, wondering if hes okay. On the way home wondering if ill be forgotten again. Realising that if karen goes. Colin wont be long after. Realising theres not much i can say to make jude feel better. I get it. I get it so fucking much.

I wish i did take him to court but i knew no one would be there to testify. My closest friend at the time didnt believe me. None of my family knew and i knew all of his family would go against me. And they have the money too. So i just didnt. And let it rot. Every march. Every june. Every december. I let it rot. Im not safe in northampton. Never was. Never will be. I had to change all my passwords on my accounts because he kept trying to get into them. I had to move from the university dorms because he knew where i lived down to the number of my room. I have to check where im walking because im pretty sure hes tried following me before. Even followed me and ifor one time.

And while im away from him here. Its always in the back of my mind that he knows where rachel lives.

And while im away from him here. Im not away from gareth. Everytime we go to the shops. Blackwood. Pontypool. Anywhere. Im on the look out. He knows where michelle lives. And im fucking terrified. But i cant let him get to me like that. I dont want to live in fear. Not anymore.

So i get it. I know you know i do but. I felt like i should tell you. It sucks. It really fucking sucks. And i know hes taken a lot of people from you but please believe me when i say that your safe now. I know it dosnt feel like it but you are and eventually it will feel like it too. Its over now. Live your life. Because thats the worst thing you could do to him. Is to keep living your life.

Weve gotta grow old and be fucking mental like jeanette remember. Cuz we gotta live outta spite against the bastards who want us to die.

[undressmewithyoureyes]

KING - (Three)

Lillith

I check my phone after we get in the air good and head to Washington D.C. I click on my banking app and then transfer the money Robert sent to one of my accounts that funds an organization I run to help women and kids recover from the trauma they endured while being in the trafficking rings. Its truly a sick world we fucking live in and I feel that its the least I could do. 

“What do you think he wants to talk to you about?” Nik asks as I lock my phone and put it between my legs. 

I take in a deep breath, “Probably to see if I will join Graves and the Shadows. Its like the old bastard cant take a hint.” 

Nik snorts, “What kind of hints are you giving him Lil?”

Turning my head to look at him, “Uh, fuck no, fuck you, I work by my fucking self, fuck Graves. I mean the list goes on where I thought I have made myself perfectly fucking clear.”

Niks face turns red from holding in the laughter that I know he’s dying to let out, “Thats pretty clear.” 

I throw my hands out and they smack my thighs when they land, “Thank you!”

“I don't trust him. Never have,” I say turning my head to the right to look out my window. 

I hear Nik sigh, “You and me both.” I don’t know what Shepherd has done to Nik, but I know there is bad blood there. I want to bring it up, but something deep down has always told me not to open that bandaid. Some things are better left alone. 

*****

A few hours later we arrive in Washington D.C. I hate this fucking place. Politicians that call the shots - well try to - like they know what the fuck goes on. Just because they see video footage, doesn’t mean they know what the fuck we feel. Seeing is believing, trust me, but seeing something in person is different than watching it through 1080p. Again, thats why I work alone. I make my own rules. 

Im escorted through the Capital. Its where Shepherds office is. Ive been here more times than I’d like to be, but he pays me and I get to kill people. I’d say an eye for an eye. The two gentleman escorting me keep looking back. Shit, if I had someone behind me covered in blood and a mask while I wore a three piece suit, I’d be kind of worried too. Not to mention, all my gear and shit is still on me - minus my sniper. 

They tried to tell me the first time I came here that I wasn’t allowed to bring my guns and knives. You see how well that went. If it wasn’t for me, majority of the people in this God forsaken ass city would be dead or on the streets starving. Im just humble enough to accept the silent ‘thank you’s’. 

We turn the corner and head down the long hallway with old white men hanging on the walls. Dead Presidents. What an honor that must be. “Gentleman, its been a pleasure,” I say as they stop and turn around, eyes wide. I snort, “Im not going to kill you,” I pause adding a dramatic effect, “I can make my way to Shepherds office from here.”

I watch the one to my right swallow hard and nod to his fellow colleague. They both walk back in the direction we came in without uttering a single word to me. Honestly, they could have walked me to his office, but I enjoy the quiet walk to get my thoughts together before talking with this hillbilly accent man. 

Slowly, I make my way - my ears perked as I hear voices. One is Shepherds, the other is Graves and I roll my eyes. I was right. But then theres another. A deep brit. 

“Ive already given the assignment to The Shadows, John,” I hear Shepherd say. 

“Whats so hard to understand about that?” Graves. I roll my eyes at his voice alone. Its straight arrogance. “Let the professionals handle it.”

My hand reaches out and touch the cracked door to Shepherds office. I wait to push it open, wanting to hear more of this conversation. 

“Call your men off,” I hear the brit say. From the tone, it wasn’t an offer, but a warning. 

I push on the door and make my way inside as six men stare at me. I take a few steps in and see two men leaned up against the wall to my right. One has a mohawk and is tapping the guy beside him on the chest like a kid who just seen his favorite super hero. The guy he’s tapping, is taller than him and wears a skull mask. Like me, everyone knows who he is - Ghost. 

As I take a few more steps, I realized that the whole Task Force 141 is in here - along with Graves and Shepherd. 

“Ah, Widow. Glad you could make it,” Shepherd says as he stands from his desk. What an honor…I roll my eyes. 

My ears perk when I hear the mohawk guy whispering, “Its her.” I grin to myself. Task Force 141 are some reputable guys. Ive seen them work in the field, they didn’t know I was there, but I was impressed. They’re some of the best of the best and for one of them to be fangirling over me, its quite comical. 

“Why am I here Shepherd?” I ask dryly. I don’t want to be here more than I have to. 

Shepherd clears his throat and sits back down at his desk. I feel eyes piercing at the side of my face and I cock my head to look and its Ghost. My eyes stare into his black ones and slowly go down from his vest, to his jeans and then boots. Impressive. 

“I have an assignment for you.” Why he’s acting secretive, I don’t know, but it annoys me. 

“Okay?” I say harsher than intended, but Im not going to correct myself. One thing I wont do is apologize to this man. Ever. And I don’t give a fuck how prideful that sounds. 

“Germany,” he says but pauses. I look over at him and he seems hesitant. “Theres intel that we need. He has valuable information regarding nuclear missiles with people who don’t take kindly to us Americans. The place is heavily guarded, but we need to be as stealthy as possible,” he pauses taking a sip of his coffee. “If word gets out with what were trying to do, it could be devastating. Find the target and eliminate him.”

I nod. Its right up my alley. 

“And another thing to add,” he continues, “Shadow Company will go with you. You could use their help.” 

“Why cant 141 go?” I ask. Really, I don’t care, but I'm being nosey. I can feel their eyes on me as the question leaves my lips. 

Shepherd looks at them and then to me, “Because theres only four of them. I’d feel more comfortable with more men.” 

I get it. Makes sense, but I’d trust them with my life more than I would Shadows - and I just met them.

Before I could say anything, Graves interrupts, “They’re on the way there now from Russia.” He has a shit eating grin on his face that I just want to carve off. He seems like the type of guy who wakes up and feels like he pisses excellence - when in fact, he probably pisses all over the place and has other people to clean it up. Arrogant piece of shit. “Now you’ll get a taste of what you're missing.” 

I snort. 

“Something funny?” Graves ask seeming offended. God he wears his heart on his sleeve. He’s been trying to get me to join ‘the winning side’ as long as I can remember. Shepherd too. I know he has this crush on me, but lets be real, its only to say he tagged the deadliest woman in the world. To feed his ego. Jokes on him, he couldn’t handle me.

Throw my head back and chuckle a bit, “You mean the fifteen men who were sent to Russia to retrieve this?” I say as I hold up a flash drive. Graves face pales and my pussy clenches. God, I love grabbing men who think they are the baddest by the balls. “Have you gotten in touch with them since?” My voice playful. 

“I sent them the coordinates,” he says through gritted teeth. 

“But did they confirm?” I counter. The tension in the room growing thicker by the second. 

Graves takes a step forward, “What the fuck did you do with my men?” Spit flying out of his mouth. 

Its a shame I wear a mask that covers all but my eyes because I wish he could see the look I have right now. I look down at my blood covered clothes and back up at him. His eyes following mine, “Im wearing them.” I had to make a pit stop before I went to the Tundra. It was on the way - at least thats what I told myself. 

Just to add icing to the cake, “I guess your men aren’t the professionals. Especially if one person can take them out.” I watch this mans face go from pale to beet red. I narrow my eyes at him as I watch his body start to shake. Good. He deserves it. 

“Widow,” I hear Shepherd call my name. 

Disregarding, I speak, “I’ll join 141.” They jerk their heads up at me, “That makes five,” I say as I look Shepherd in the eyes. “Send me the coordinates for the intel. Ill make sure we get the job done,” I finish as I look at Graves. 

I think everyone is in shock from either me taking out most of Graves team just for the fun of it, me working with a team or maybe a bit of both. “Do you need a ride?” I ask not to anyone in particular in the Task Force. The brit who was speaking with Shepherd earlier nods. “Perfect. You can ride with me.”

I turn on heel heading towards the door. I hear 141 behind me and I stop - which causes them to stop. “Oh, I almost forgot,” I say as I turn back around. The guys who are coming with me spread out creating me an opening directly to Graves. I reach into the bottom pocket of my pants and pull out bloody dog tags. I toss them to Graves and they land at his feet. His eyes shooting daggers at me, “Theres your men,” I say emphasizing men. 

I turn back around and walk out the door - 141 following behind me. 

[captain-jinguji]

Yandere alphabet for Syo and Cecil? Ó3Ò

Yes 😏 I'll do Syo in another post so for now, im sorry for messing Cecil up ~

CECIL AIJIMA YANDERE ALPHABET

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

He worships them. Literally has a shrine in his room dedicated to them and prays in front of it every day, asking the Gods to grant him his wish of being with them forever. He's very clingy and always has to be around his darling; never lets them go anywhere alone. He even went as far as to bring them to Agnapolis and put the castle in lockdown for a while. 

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

He, personally, doesnt let himself get messy. He has servants do his dirty work so his darling never has the chance of thinking less of him because how can they hold him accountable for actions he never did? Just don't go into the lower parts of the castle.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

No mocking here, surprisingly. He quite honestly treats them like a Queen/King, well, at least, if you can ignore the golden chain that connects them to him at all times. All their wishes are fulfilled, as long as they're reasonable and don't include the fact that they want to escape him 

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

He'll get their affection one way or another, even if it means drugging them just so he can hold them without them squirming around. Almost grooms them to be like a cat; soft, independent, and loyal

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

He's actually quite secretive. Like he shows affection and the love he wants from them, but he doesnt open up his thoughts and most certainly never lets them in on his plans or next steps. They might be a Queen/King to him but a King can rule without one.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

Laughs at their attempt. First of all, even if they did manage to hurt him in any way, the guards would restrain them. No one is to touch the future King of Agnapolis, not even the future Queen/King that rules alongside him. Second of all, he'll just tell himself its the heat and the new environment making them go crazy and think irrationally 

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

Its a game of cat and mouse. He likes to chase them, almost like kids do on a playground, but he will never let them escape from within the castle's walls. Sometimes he even sends his pet panther LuLu after them to ~play~ a little bit. 

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

When he ordered Lulu to attack. He doesnt quite remember what they did to hurt him this bad, because he already forgave them for it, but he does remember seeing red and sending his panther after them. They needed stitches and to be hospitalized for a short period. 

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

Oh they will rule together of course. The Kingdom already loves their future King and Queen/King. Of course, they're also expected to keep the blood line going and believe me when I say that he's been working on that. 

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Doesnt get jealous; he gets sad. Theres no one better than him right? They wouldnt leave him, right? Because if they did, they will never see the outside world ever again. 

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

Like a cat. Sly, calculated, but still affectionate at times. He tries to keep the peace between his darling and him as much as possible but sometimes his claws come out and puts them back in their place. 

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

Much like Ren, he would charm his way into their heart and present himself as the most best possible choice in a partner. He has everything from looks to fame to wealth, and they wouldn't want that? Let him make them believe that that's what they NEED. 

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

He does a whole 180°. His usual soft caring attitude turns into that of a killer. He knows everything about them and more. Has taps on his darling at all times and is known to act out violently at times. But who is to defy the future king? 

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Torture. Remember how I said dont go into the lower parts of the castle? Yeah not only does he torture people there that treated/looked at his darling wrong, but he brings his darling there to emotionally and physically torture them himself as well. Theres no escaping him. He's everywhere. 

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

A lot. See it as a traditional "wife obeys husbands every wish" kind of scenario. What he says goes and his darling has absolutely no say in it whatsoever.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

Again, he tries to reason with himself that its hormones acting up or the new environment, but he knows that that's not it and his patience tends to run thin. They might be the future Queen/King of the country but beside him, theyre just another pretty face that needs to be quiet in the public eye. 

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

They cant escape. Not only is the castle on full lockdown at all times, but they are also escorted everywhere they go by several guards. If his darling died, he would absolutely break. He'd lash out at anyone and anything, maybe even going as far as killing part of his Kingdom, maybe even himself. 

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

No. He becomes extremely obsessive with them and sees them as THE perfect mate. Nothing could replace them and nothing can take them away. 

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

As a child, he always had everything, and that followed him into adulthood. The traditions his country kept over the years taught him that HE is the sole ruler and HE calls the shots. It's about control and obsession more than it is about love. 

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

If his darling retreated from him or cried, he'd see it as one of their temper tantrums and let them be. He would try to make them feel better with little gifts and such, but if they retreat for too long, he just forces them back into his bubble.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

Well he didn't just abduct them, he literally took them outside the country meaning that Japanese laws dont apply. In my opinion, he took it a step further by making a smart move. 

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

None. He's quite literally, always on his guard, and has guards around him. They cant get to him. At all. 

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Yes and hes done it before. He will admit that sending a wild animal after his darling was a bit harsh, but the torture is still going on. 

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Again, he has a whole shrine dedicated to them and adds pictures of them and him all the time. He proudly displays it to his darling and acts fake hurt if his darling calls him out, successfully making them feel guilty and comfort him. Emotional manipulation is a big part of his. 

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

He takes a while. Mainly because he has background checks done on them just to ensure that they are the perfect darling for him. He finds out everything and stalks them like prey for months, maybe even years. 

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

Yes. Thats his ultimate goal. To have a quiet, non-opinionated pretty face by his side that bends to his every will and desire. 

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Baby Love -Part 6

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

A/N: Apologies my read more isnt working! WTF??

Chris had held my hand the entire the time we walked the red carpet, where as usually my arm would casually be linked with his when i attended events with him. When he stopped for photo's he pulled me close, his hand either resting on my hip or the small of my back. The press covering the Charity Event had been all over us as soon as it was apparent that i was now more than just a friend. This news had blown up on social media and gossip columns of course!

"Will you put that down and eat" Chris mumbled as he walked into the kitchen to find me on the ipad again.

"Its been days and their still going on about it! Your fans hate me now by the way!"

"Babe we knew they'd be some hate, just stop looking at it. Remember its not good for the baby if you stress yourself out" he said sitting next to me and pulling the ipad from my hands "no more of that"

"Fine" i rolled my eyes stabbing a piece of fruit and popping it in my mouth"

"It will calm down i promise"

"Yeah eventually, then we're gonna drop the baby bombshell and all hell will break loose again"

"It will be fine, im sure theres plenty of nice things being said. Its just your only looking at the bad"

"Your lucky i love you Evans" i shook my head as i stabbed another piece of fruit, when I looked up Chris was looking at me with a huge cheesy smile "why are you smiling at me like that?"

"You just said you love me" he said smugly, i instantly felt myself start to panic..... shit, was it too soon to admit that??

"Well of course i love you...." i shrugged casually even though my heart was racing "your my best friend...."

"I love you too" he said quickly stopping my nervous ramblings as he leant forward pressing a kiss to my lips. We were soon interrupted by my cell phone ringing "ignore it" he mumbled against my lips making me laugh.

"I cant its probably your mom"

"Way to kill the mood sweetheart"

"Im sorry baby" i reached for my phone and quickly answered before it cut off.

"Hi Lisa"

"Hey sweetie, the girls and me are going to take you out for lunch today"

"You don't have to do that, I'm fine i promise"

"Shanna said she had been texting you and you seemed down so we're taking you out to take your mind off it"

"I don't even have anything to wear, I'm still at Chris's...."

"Well, we'll pick you up at your place at say 13:00? That gives you plenty of time to get home and dressed for lunch"

"Yeah okay, i guess that works"

"Okay, well i'll let you go and i'll see you at 13:00"

"See you then" i ended the call and turned to Chris "i gotta go"

"What, why?"

"Your mom and sisters are taking me to lunch to cheer me up apparently"

"So why do you have to leave now?"

"Because i haven't got anything to wear here, everything i had is dirty and i cant go to lunch in your shirt" i rolled my eyes at him "id better get my stuff together and get home. Their picking me up at 13:00" i gave him a quick kiss and walked out heading to his bedroom to get my things.

After shoving my dirty clothes back into my bag and pulling on my shorts i headed back out to find Chris sitting at the dining table staring out the window.

"You okay?" I asked running my fingers through his hair and placing a kiss to the side of his head. Chris looked up at me nodding with a smile before pulling me into his lap.

"I don't want you to go" he pouted making me chuckle.

"I gotta go baby, you know how difficult it is to tell your mom and sisters no"

"Move in with me" he suddenly said, i thought he was joking but when i leant back to look at him he was obviously being dead serious.

"What??"

"It makes sense that you move in, i mean your here with me more than your at your place anyway. Plus i want you and the baby here with me"

"Your serious aren't you...."

"Of course i am, it feels right when your here"

"Okay...." i nodded with a smile "if your sure thats what you want?"

"Yes!!"

"I still gotta go now though" i laughed before kissing him quickly and jumping up "i love you!" I called as i neared the front door.

"I love you too!".

Lunch was at a little place called 'Lou's' it was a small family run Italian place Chris and I found years ago and absolutely loved. We were seated in back as soon as we arrived and the four of us were soon eating lunch and chatting away.

"I still cant believe you and Chris are finally together" Carly said taking a mouthful of her wine "and... pregnant" she whispered the last part.

"Yeah i know, it came as a bit of a shock to us too but I'm glad it happened. His honestly the best man i know" i said feeling myself blush.

"I think you make a cute couple" Shanna added smiling at me, we'd always gotten along well she was one of my closest friends.

"Thanks Shan, that means alot" i picked up my glass of water and took a sip.

The waitress approached our table offering to top up the wine glasses, as she got to mine i stopped her quickly and just asked for some more water. She looked at me with raised eyebrows, her name was Debra and she was so used to serving Chris and me and me usually drinking too much wine!

"Your not drinking?"

"Jesus Debra, you say that like Ive got a drinking problem" i joke with her "no, I'm just not feeling too great today so avoiding the alcohol"

"Your not pregnant are you!?" She laughed.

"Oh god no! Im fine really"

"Okay just checking" she winked and walked off.

"When are you guys gonna announce the news?" Shanna asked quietly from beside me.

"If i had my way? Never!"

"Sweetheart you'll be fine" Lisa added trying to be supportive, the truth was there was nothing anyone could say that would make me believe it would be okay.

"Im terrified, the things ive read online since that Charity Gala.... i can only imagine what will be said about this"

"We're all here for you both, you can always come to Boston and stay with us if you need a break"

"Thank you Lisa, when do you all head back to Boston?"

"End of the month, we'll come back nearer the time of.... you know" she nodded at my stomach.

"You don't have to do that...."

"I want to, your gonna need family around you"

"Im coming too!" Shanna added taking hold of my hand.

"You guys are the best, I've always thought of you as family.... you know i don't have anything to do with my own family...so I'm grateful for you all"

While we were eating desert i got a message from Chris.

Hey sweetheart, your coming back here tonight right? Xx

"Is that brother of mine texting you already?" Shanna nudged me playfully.

"Yeah" i smiled as i replied to the message.

Hey babe, yeah i'll be back tonight after I've picked up some clean clothes and things xx

You need me to pick you up? Xx

Sure, i'll text you when I'm home. We're just finishing up desert shouldn't be much longer xx

I'll be waiting for your message, i miss you! Xx

Your so needy! :p xx

Miss you too though xx

"I'll be right back, I'm just gonna go to the bathroom" i told the girls before getting up and making my way out back.

Once i was done and was making my way back to our table i was suddenly approached by a guy holding a camera who was constantly snapping photo's of me.

"Excuse me sir you cant be in here doing that!" I heard Lou say loudly and start to lead the guy out, even then he didn't stop snapping photo's. Lisa, Shanna and Carly came rushing over hearing the commotion and got me back to our table hidden in the back.

"You okay hun?" Carly asked sitting me down in my chair.

"Yeah, just wasn't expecting that as soon as i stepped out of the bathroom"

"What an asshole" Shanna muttered making me laugh.

"Y/N I'm so sorry, i didn't see him come in" Lou said as he approached our table.

"Its fine Lou, you can't keep them away all the time" i smiled at him, once he could see we were okay he got back to work.

"Well so much for cheering you up" Lisa scoffed picking her wine glass up and drinking the rest in one gulp.

"You did cheer me up, I've had a lovely afternoon" i said truthfully even though i couldn't wait to get home to Chris.

We settled the bill and got back to the cars, 30 minutes later i was home and packing my bag ready to head to Chris's.

Hey, what the hell happened at lunch? You got papped?? Xx

Yeah, guy just started taking photo's as i came out of the bathroom. It was fine Lou got him out xx

Your sure your okay? Xx

Im fine, come get me? Im Just finishing up packing my things xx

Im leaving now, wont be long xx

While i sat waiting for Chris the notifications on my social media accounts started going crazy! I opened one and saw a photo of me sitting having lunch with Chris's family, the caption stating how things must be getting serious if I'm having lunch with his family. The comments were mostly people saying how i didn't deserve to be with Chris and how much better he could do than me, that i was only with him for the fame and money.... i couldn't stop the tears that ran freely down my face.

Baby love tags: @jennmurawski13 @mybabyboytony

@ms-betsy-fangirl @vampgirl1997 @ajosieface

@afuckingshituniverse @chmedic @esoltis280

@southerngracela @bethabear12 @letsdisneythings

@sellulii @patzammit @katiew1973

[lasercruz]

@quarterdollar​ fuck you and im sorry that i took so long to answer and i hope that im mostly coherent because i am. very tired as im typing this

1: Full name Nicky Jackie Marie Cruz !!

2: Age 21

3: 3 Fears Mold, tall heights if I’m not secured (like, I’m not scared of rollercoaster heights but I’m scared of like, cliffs), and balloons esp balloon animals

4: 3 things I love I love so many things uhh hh h. Jjba, adventure zone, and my friendssss 💞

I know turn ons/offs aren’t inherently sexual but i never know what to say for them so im skipping them :0

7: My best friend you 🥺🥺

8: Sexual orientation bi

9: My best first date ive never really been on a actual date :0

10: How tall am I 5′3

11: What do I miss being with my friends physically and just watching stuff or goofing around on the floor 😭

12: What time were I born 11:02pm

13: Favourite color Dark blues

14: Do I have a crush yes shh

15: Favourite quote there so much sappy quotes that are on uquizzes a lot that i like a lot the first that comes to mind is “ You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you.” and so on and also “if i loved you less i might be able to talk about it more”

16: Favourite place As far as just physically and not like people or other stuff that comes with with a place, I miss VT campus a lot tbh more than I thought I would. To pick a more specific place, the gazebo at the duck pond cause its where I’d go if I wanted to be alone or like if my roommate was sleeping or working and i didnt want to worry about being quite and it was always super peaceful

17: Favourite food I dont really have One favorite food it just depends what I’m in the mood for but my go to answer for favorite food category wise is either chinese or seafood

18: Do I use sarcasm Depends who I’m with ?? Generally no not often but if im close with someone and just goofin yeah

19: What am I listening to right now My love song playlist. its my go to thing to listen to cause my playlist with all my music has so much on it that i end up skipping half the songs until i find something im in the mood for and this one has a lot less that i end up skipping. the current song its on is day without you by keep for cheap

20: First thing I notice in new person It depends on the person like if they have something that stands out about them, thats what I tend to notice but like. How they carry themself i guess ? cause i feel like thats a easy way to get a read on somebody before talking to them

21: Shoe size 5 mens / 7 womans

22: Eye color Brown

23: Hair color Naturally dark brown but currently dyed black with rainbow bangs

24: Favourite style of clothing this question is on so many ask games and quizzes and I never know how to answer it cause i feel like i dont really have one specific style,, I like colorful and fun stuff i guess ?

25: Ever done a prank call?  No and if you prank call a place of business youre annoying. i used to answer phones at work and we didn’t get them super often but GOD i hate prank callers

27: Meaning behind my URL emu is an old nickname and what i mainly went by until i settled on Nicky and this. is my blog.

28: Favourite movie Baby driver !!

29: Favourite song my go to answer for this is community gardens by the scary jokes

30: Favourite band THE SCARY JOKES

31: How I feel right now sleeby,,,,

32: Someone I love i love , my friendz ,, 🥺🥰

33: My current relationship status single ✌️

34: My relationship with my parents im close to my mom but i dont really get along with my dad ,

35: Favourite holiday Christmas !

36: Tattoos and piercing i have no tattoos, 3 piercings in each ear (2 on each earlobe and 1 on the top on each side)

37: Tattoos and piercing i want I want a interrobang on my wrist and an Aquarius symbol on my ankle and MAYBE the joestar birthmark, i wouldn’t mind more ear piercings and i want a septum piercing but ive seen videos of them getting done and they make me squirm i dont know if id go through with it

38: The reason I joined Tumblr sdklgkjgh i had a my little pony roleplay blog before i made my personal account

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? no we’re good friends !!

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? no not regularly at least

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? no

42: When did I last hold hands? my mom tried to hold my hand when i was half asleep on the couch the other day but like i was so out of it so like it was more our fingers together and the rest of my hand just loosely dangling so if that doesnt count, you

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? i give myself about 2 hours if im doing full makeup but thats purposefully longer than i need so i dont have to worry about rushing and i can relax and take my time

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? no i only shave them if they’re gonna be showing or if the Urge to be Smooth comes over me

45: Where am I right now? my room at home on my bed

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? probably Kaylie cause she doesn’t drink and i assume if im drunk with other friends there she’d be the only sober one

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Reasonable, if i have it too loud i cant think so the only time i  have my music loud is if im doing nothing and want to Not Think

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Ye

49: Am I excited for anything? short term im excited for the ai crushes all banks stream tonight and long term im excited to move into our apartment 

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? no im not a tell everything to someone type of person .

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? i smile most of the time like, at work (before we wore masks) id always be smiling to look nice and like. just in general if i want to Not Look Unhappy or whatever

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? my mom probably like, yesterday

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? ive never kissed any1     .

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?  nope i don’t think i really trust easily so like this doesnt rlly happen,

55: What is something I disliked about today? i woke up late cause i was up late last night so ive been tired all day I dont like the feeling

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? language barriers aside itd be super cool to meet hirohiko araki

57: What do I think about most? Whatever media im currently most into so right now adventure zone and magnus archives

58: What’s my strangest talent? umm i dunno im kinda flexable i guess ? not like ~contortionist~ level but like enough that i can freak people out sometimes

59: Do I have any strange phobias? i mentioned balloons as a fear in an eariler question so yeah that but im a lot better about it than i used to be

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? in front tbh

61: What was the last lie I told? i was on phones for the last hour and a half of my shift on friday and like. when people call and ask if an item is in stock and i can’t confirm it i, just tell them its not. like, someone asked if we had a specific kayak and i usually just search the walmart app or run over to where itd be to check but the kayaks are to far for me to run to and the app said limited stock which usually means little to none so , i just put it on hold for a bit then tell him we’re out.

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? i like video chatting in theory cause its nice to see people visibly react to stuff but i tend to get too self conscious about how i look so i  just do audio only

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yes to both !! i am both

64: Do I believe in magic? yes in some ways i suppose

65: Do I believe in luck? yes im v superstitious

66: What’s the weather like right now? its a pretty good day its sunny but not too hot :oo

67: What was the last book I’ve read? its been ages since i last read a book in full 😔  i honestly dont knwo what the last one would of been 😔 😔

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? yes !!! love it

69: Do I have any nicknames? not anything i get consistently called no

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? ive never gotten super hurt that i can think of ??

71: Do I spend money or save it? save it

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? no

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? doppio bean plush ,,,,

74: Favourite animal? hedgehogs!!!!

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? on my phone probably on tiktok or something waiting for jojo to come on toonami

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? I? dont think he has one i guess ??

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? butterflies by samsa but it makes me happy in the “im crying now” kinda way itss cute

78: How can you win my heart? just by being nice and respectful tbh ,

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? idk i dont really want anything fancy just my name (chosen name please god im so scared of dying and geting my birth name on my tombstone if that happens i WILL come back as a vengeful ghost) and my birth and death dates

80: What is my favorite word? saccharine

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr by my tumblr crushes (which its been YEARS since i looked at) ; frostios, 27names4tears, smollpurrito, happynaru, and warpedlamp

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? if we being real id just get so scared dsjkfsldjglg  theres so much i could say i dont know :((

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? not ? that i know of 

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? why are all the questions worded super basic except this one skdlskdjfj. Shape shifting

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? i can really think of anything really as long as a friend is asking i tend to answer truthfully ?

86: What is my current desktop picture? Sobble BUT this reminded me that i wanted to change it to a xenoblade pic so its this now :

90: Failed a class? no

91: Kissed a boy? no

92: Kissed a girl? no

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? no but oh god just thinking about that im 🥺🥺🥺🥺 id die id melt 🥺🥺

94: Had job? ye i was a cashier for a year in highschool and then i work in wamlart apparel in the summers

95: Left the house without my wallet? not when I know ill need it no, but ive left it home if im just going to a friend or family member’s house or i have my mom’s card or some cash in my pocket

96: Bullied someone on the internet? no !!

98: Played on a sports team? no lmao i dont do sports

99: Smoked weed? no

100: Did drugs? i had a weed brownie like once but it was such a small piece i didnt really feel anything

101: Smoked cigarettes? no

102: Drank alcohol? Ye

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? not currently i was vegan for a little bit to encourage a friend that was doing it though

104: Been overweight? no

105: Been underweight? no

106: Been to a wedding?  yes three, my grandma’s when she got remarried, and both my brothers

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? probably yes lmao often

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? not TV TV but if netflix and the like count then yes

109: Been outside my home country? no :(

110: Gotten my heart broken? not ? really no

111: Been to a professional sports game? ive been to a handful of Yankee games

112: Broken a bone? no

114: Been to prom? yes i went to my highschool’s and a friend’s highschool’s my senior year

115: Been in airplane? no

116: Fly by helicopter? no

117: What concerts have I been to? none :((((

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? ye

119: Learned another language? i took 3 years of Spanish in high school but i wasn’t any good at it and dont really remember much of what i did learn

120: Wore make up? yes i do often :0

123: Dyed my hair? ye a lot

124: Voted in a presidential election? yes ever since iv been old enough to i vote

125: Rode in an ambulance? no

126: Had a surgery?  dental surgery yes

127: Met someone famous? Not anyone i’d count no

128: Stalked someone on a social network? depends on what you count as stalking i guess but like not ever in a creepy way like ive been on people’s social media to find out stuff about them like. if theyre in a relationship or especially after highschool ill wonder about someone i havent talked to in awhile and ill see what theyve been up to and what theyre doing with their life and stuff

129: Peed outside? no

130: Been fishing? yes like once

131: Helped with charity? donation wise yes

132: Been rejected by a crush? ive never confessed to anyone and been rejected but once a friend told my crush i liked them and they confronted me about it and rejected me but it made me more mad at the friend that told them than it made me sad about being rejected because i knew it’d probably go like that  and it justmade thing awkward between us for awhile  😔

133: Broken a mirror? ive broken the little mirrors inside eyeshadow pallets but i havent broken full ones

134: What do I want for birthday? usually just money lol or something thoughtful and cute

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? i aggresivly do NOT want kids BUT hypohetically Elliot or Xander for a boy and idk what i’d nam a girl

136: Was I named after anyone? no

137: Do I like my handwriting?  its messy so no not really but if im writing something for myself like a not or whatever i dont mind as long as i can read it

138: What was my favourite toy as a child? even as a little kid i always played computer games but other than that, this guy :

139: Favourite Tv Show? Jojo

140: Where do I want to live when older? New york or japan

141: Play any musical instrument? i can kind of play harmonica

142: One of my scars, how did I get it? i burnt my thumb kinda bad on the oven a while ago its still kinda healing but right now it looks like its gonna stay a scar

143: Favourite pizza toping? i like everything/suprieme pizza but if i have to pick one single topping pepperoni

144: Am I afraid of the dark? yes :((

145: Am I afraid of heights? mentioned it earlier but yes if im not strapped in or secured etc

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? no im so scared of being caught doing something bad that i just. dont

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? i mean yes but thats life babey

149: What my greatest achievments are ive gotten awards for grades and stuff but that boring BUT i got the english department award or whatever that was called im very proud of that

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery i donate some and save the rest tbh

152: What do I like about myself i can be pretty  sometimes 👉👈 im cute or whateva ,,,

153: My closest Tumblr friend i dont really havent “tumblr friends” aside from friends i know irl and also tey have tumblrs ,,

154: Something I fantasise about just. growing up and having my own place maybe with someone and. being comfortable and  okay and not having to worry ,,

155: Any question you’d like? dkfjhdskhf japan :000

[bma-2020]

Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.

[jesterkoops]

I brought down by niks latest interview.Saying "J never needed redemp.He was a guy who certain circumstances in his life e.g. Kingslayer so then he needed to redeem himself bc he did this horrible thing when killing the Mad King. Then N said the redemp arc where he had to be good guy, stay with Bri etc that's not GOT.You cant erase ur prev life.Jaime bel that redeem urself meant redeeming his past and he couldnt. He can't cut off who he was.The idea of leaving C alone is impossible to him" Wtf?

2/2 Downhearted anon. Just that interview makes no sense. In prev season interviews, wasnt Nik wanting Jaime to escape Cersei for good and be with Braime forever, like he was the biggest Braime shipper??? I dont understand. Does he think ppl don’t remember stuff? Its a shame theres no way to ask him about this.

Dear Downhearted anon,

I have to admit I read only a short excerpt from that interview, so I might have missed some of the other content, but, from what I read, this is what I can say.

There are different layers to his comments, IMO. One is the take on the story, and the other is the justification of the writing choices. And, as much as I might vehemently disagree with the former, what I take issue with is the latter.

When it comes to the take on the story, we have to remember that he has to talk about the actual content of the show. The show, unfortunately, did go with the idea that Jaime is essentially doomed to never escape his past. I do not believe that is his arc in the books for many reasons, and I think it was extremely underwhelming, nihlistic and unsatisfying even just taking the context of the show into account. But, unfortunately, nihilistic and unsatisfying is what we got. The show was aiming for romanticizing incest and abuse romantic tragedy with JC, in the end (I actually think there was a far more disastrous chain of events at play, which required multiple OOC developments for multiple major characters just to arrive to Jon killing Dany - but that’s a longer story), and it is what it is. He has to talk about the reality of the episodes, not the alternatives.

If you take most of Nik’s comments, and go back to read D&D’s and Cogman’s interviews from the past, you’ll notice that it’s mostly stuff that’s lifted straight from their quotes, even down to the language: “good guy/bad guy”, “he doesn’t have a redemption arc”, “it’s just life, and he has made some mistakes”. I don’t know whether this is because he had a “final season” briefing with them and came around to see things their way and agree, or because he was told this is what he was supposed to say about the story, or because even though he doesn’t agree with it, this is what was written in the end and so this is what he talks about. His reasoning for saying these things is anybody’s guess and kind of beyond the point. But, where before he used to have his own take on the character and his arc, he’s now basically regurgitating the party line.

For my part, I never completely disagreed with the idea that Jaime does not need redemption per se. Jaime doesn’t need atonement for slaying the Mad King, for sure. He needs recognition for that. He needs atonement for a other horrible things he’s done, but even those (e.g., pushing Bran, the incest) are more about moral gray areas areas than villainous behaviour per se, since he’s never committed atrocious acts just for his own selfish gain, or for power, or because he enjoyed hurting and killing. More importantly, I have always seen Jaime’s story as more of an identity arc, where redemption is just one component. In that sense, I can agree with the take that that he is a “complex character who, at times, has made some terrible mistakes”. Jaime is not, and never was, a straightforward villain who needs to atone for his sins. He’s a much more complex and layered mix of sins and honour, and goodness and idealism turned bitterness and cynicism, and a messy product of living most of his life in toxic and abusive environments who, in some situations, has committed some horrible mistakes that he needs to own up to and face the consequences of, and who is trying to redefine and reinvent himself in the aftermath of some life-changing events such as losing his hand, meeting Brienne and growing disillusioned with Cersei. 

The problem is that, while D&D preach about Jaime being a complex character who does not need a ‘cheesy’ linear redemption arc, they also, in the same breath, justify an ending that shoves him precisely into a clear, black-and-white, simplistic category (”he just accepts he is a hateful man”) or display the psychological depth of a 5th grader (go check out their take on the sept scene in their Oxford Union Q&A and their inability to think in any more complex terms than “good guy/bad guy” or to understand that not all “bad” actions are equal). They’re not deep writers, and that shows painfully in their execution. But I can understand the “no need for redemption” arc, from a theoretical/philosophical perspective.

What I take far more issue with is justifying writing choices by attempting to play the realism card, or the adult writing card, or the “this is GoT” card, basically implying that everyone who dislikes or criticize it is being unrealistic, immature or unsophisticated for not accepting the only inevitable outcome to a story (I wrote a twitter thread about it this week). Just because your story has decided to depict things in a certain way, it does not mean that that is the only realistic option for the story, and that people who expected/wanted/hoped for something different were fooling themselves, let alone that it had to be written that way because that is how life works.

Sure, there are people who fail to break away from their (abusive, traumatic, toxic, what have you) past and move on, but there are also plenty of people who do, and who end up thriving. One outcome isn’t any more realistic or true to life than the others. And, while some might think this is a hyperbole, it is highly irresponsible, IMO, to say that being unable to escape toxicity and your past is “the way things are”, when there might be people out there who do struggle with trauma, toxic and abusive relationship (or know people who do).

On top of that, it is rather silly to imply that we were expecting some unrealistic, too-easy scenario, where Jaime flipped a switch and totally erased his past overnight. That implication is misguided, at best, and dishonest, at worst. We put up with four entire seasons of show-only “non-linear” storytelling when it comes to Jaime, and were incredibly patient with it. Wasn’t the point of those four seasons precisely to show that life is complicated and he couldn’t just let go of his past so easily? We watched that. It happened. Nothing about this was easy or unearned.

Had we been shown a Jaime who was 100%, stupidly and completely devoted to Cersei at every turn, cruel, evil, selfish and not caring about the innocents, of course expecting an outcome where he just leaves it all behind for a honourable wench or what have you would have been a ridiculous expectation to have. Indeed, back when Jaime did come across as that kind of character, nobody was expecting anything from him. He could have died with Cersei under those bricks and most wouldn’t have cared.

Instead, for years, we were shown a Jaime that did struggle between his toxic past/Cersei and his honour and, far more often than not, we saw his honour win out. While I can see an argument for saying that didn’t guarantee an outcome where he did break free of his past for good, it’s not like like there was no buildup or seeding for the more positive, less nihilistic alternative. So I don’t find it so far fetched to have expected the events of S7 to be the last straw that finally tipped the scales completely to the other side (especially considering how 8x02 was written very heavily to imply just that or, at the very least, did not seed any doubt).

By Nikolaj’s own admission in TONS of interviews, he had been fighting with D&D for years because he expected things to move in a certain direction and kept getting frustrated when they didn’t, or when they confused him. He wanted the exact same things we wanted for Jaime and in his relationships with Cersei and Brienne since SEASON 2. He might have resigned himself in the end to having lost the battle, but he behaved exactly like us for years. So, assuming he believes what he is saying, if I could talk to him, I’d ask him how is it that he got the same feeling of “expectation” for something that in the end never came? Maybe because the seeding for both options were there all along? Maybe because, if the seeding for both options were there all along, the alternative isn’t so far fetched and inconceivable after all? Maybe because if the alternative isn’t so far fetched and inconceivable after all, then what we got isn’t the only inevitable way this could go down? Food for thought.

Of course, I want to believe that he isn’t that tone-deaf and unsophisticated as an actor (and a writer) not to realize that the only problem with the way Jaime and JB were written in S8 was not the fact that they didn’t get a HEA. Ignoring the writing quality, for a moment, and just focusing on the writing choices, there were literally dozens of ways of writing a story that ended even in a similar tragedy (EVEN with Jaime dying with Cersei), that would have been far better and more satisfying than what we got. The problem isn’t that Jaime didn’t declare his everlasting love for Brienne or that he didn’t stay together with her. The problem is that we patiently waited through all the buildup and seeding mentioned above, for years, for a relationship that ended up being butchered within 30 minutes, destroying literally everything it ever stood for (first and foremost trust and respect - I am not going to list everything, but Jaime trying to sneak out without so much of a goodbye and being completely indifferent to her pain after she vouched for him and saved his life multiple times was not only OOC, but completely unnecessary to the plot, unless it aimed to destroy the foundations of their bond, way beyond the romance).

To conclude, I’ll leave you with GRRM’s own words, when asked about Jaime’s redemption arc that he, unlike the show, has explicitly stated he wishes to explore:

“I want there to be a possibility of redemption for us, because we all do terrible things. We should be able to be forgiven. Because if there’s no possibility of redemption, what’s the answer then?”

The show decided that the answer is that we don’t escape our past. We are doomed from the beginning and any attempt to change and move on is eventually futile (and that ended up being true of nearly every character in the show, not just Jaime). But that doesn’t seem to be at all the stance GRRM has on this whole thing, and I would dare anyone to tell me that GRRM’s vision and his writing are inferior, too easy, or less realistic than what we got from the show.

There’s no guarantee that Jaime will survive in the books, or that he and Brienne will get a HEA (although I do not rule it out at all).  But the fact that the man who invented these characters and this world has a different stance on Jaime and redemption automatically invalidates any nonsense show people can say about how this was the perfect and only way it could end, and that expecting anything different from this series was wishful thinking.

[punkscowardschampions]

Joe & Ronnie

Joe: Hi Joe: There's no gentle way of doing this, so I'll just get to it, I'm sorry if you don't want to talk about it but you're free to ignore this if that's the case Joe: but I've been looking for my half-sister, and I think its you Ronnie: if youre basing that on a family resemblance youve shot yourself in the face like Ronnie: reload & keep looking Joe: Yeah, I know Joe: but I ain't Joe: Aside from coming at you with what's on any facebook profile anyway Joe: do you know your biological mum's name or? Ronnie: whos used facebook in a decade thats your 1st fuck up Ronnie: 2nd to reckoning my dna is any of your business Joe: who's putting their date of birth and hometown anywhere else? Joe: you were born in [hospital] right? Ronnie: phone numbers on toilet walls getting played out Ronnie: yeah & Joe: then it is you Joe: everything adds up, you have the right birthday, right place, right last name, and first, still Ronnie: right colour Ronnie: miss me with your schoolboy maths Joe: its your bio dad that's black Ronnie: fuck you i know that Ronnie: read my file well before you stalked me Joe: so do you know her name or nah Ronnie: it was in there Joe: Tess Vickers Joe: she is your mum Ronnie: i came out of her Ronnie: shes not my fucking mum Ronnie: id know you if she was Joe: 'course Joe: that's what I meant Ronnie: pick your words more careful soft lad Joe: she don't have any more Joe: I ain't had to do this before, like Ronnie: made up for her Ronnie: & you Ronnie: only took her how many years to claim her bastards Joe: I don't know why she didn't, only what she's said Joe: but if you wanted to ask her, I could set that up Ronnie: if it took her a bit to recover from goin black i don't need to ask her about that Ronnie: got my own experiences cheers Joe: is there anything you do Ronnie: if i had any questions id have chucked 'em at her when i aged out Joe: fair enough Joe: you wanna ask me anything then Ronnie: you old enough to be cleaning out your mas skeletons & seein if theyll dance for you Joe: not what I'm doing Joe: but I'm 19 Ronnie: course she never kept herself stitched up for long Ronnie: got a taste for it like Joe: by all accounts she met my dad the same year she had to give you up so Ronnie: bet he was proper comforting Ronnie: fucking hell Joe: Must've been Ronnie: if she kept you longer than the hour yeah Joe: I've got 3 brothers and a sister too Ronnie: when did she meet their dads Joe: we've got the same, like Joe: youngest is nearly 5 Ronnie: shes still alive then Ronnie: impressive Joe: is it? Joe: suppose so Ronnie: he got cash your sperm donor Ronnie: less dangerous game that one Joe: they both do alright now but you'd probably aim higher if that was the game you were playing Ronnie: shifting gear aint no game now or back then Ronnie: but she was small time Ronnie: that hand to mouth shit Joe: yeah, for years Joe: her dad's debts not helping none Ronnie: hes gotta be dead Joe: yeah Joe: year I was born Joe: so new mouth to feed and inheriting the neverending debts of John Joe: must've seemed like a great time to have more 'cos my brother is only a year younger than me 👍 Ronnie: least you aint inherited his name Ronnie: like i said insatiable Joe: thank fuck Ronnie: piss poor addiction but fuck it Ronnie: shes keeping 'em fed & clothed this time 👏 Joe: gutted social don't hand out round of applauses no doubt Joe: know she is for a fact 'cos she ended up working for 'em, and fostering two poor kiddies in need Joe: what do you reckon to her addiction now? Ronnie: sounds about right theyd left her Ronnie: state of the cunts running that show Joe: mhmm Ronnie: white kids are easier to love Ronnie: its on the posters like Joe: in theory Joe: but this way she gets to be obsessed with you from afar Ronnie: pay me enough & ill come press my face longingly against her windows Joe: I'll keep it in mind for her birthday or something Ronnie: fuck all else you wanna rock my world with or what Joe: Hmm Joe: hold up whilst I trawl a lifetime of overshare for any more tidbits Ronnie: she aint rotting by the roadside or ashes i can snort means my hearts already broken Ronnie: take your time Joe: sorry to disappoint Joe: suppose by the time you got to your file, it told you she'd run away from Liverpool, yeah? Ronnie: bullshit are you Ronnie: youre loving having another cunt to share it with Ronnie: whats the matter dont your brothers & sister wanna play Joe: I'm the favourite Joe: favourite that's about Joe: they got the gist but no file for them Ronnie: 💔 Joe: you said Joe: so, what you saying, you care if I tell her I found you or what? Ronnie: if it feels good do it baby Ronnie: why would i care Ronnie: shes not gonna show up Joe: what if she did? Ronnie: no fixed address Joe: I've told you she loves a cause Joe: say you don't wanna see her Ronnie: shooting the messenger aint no kill shot Ronnie: youre not invested in me Joe: I'm not not, clearly Joe: I'm the one looking, ain't I Ronnie: let her look under every rock with you Ronnie: i hope one bashes her skull in Joe: alright Joe: I'll pass it on Ronnie: good boy Ronnie: get that sticker on your reward chart Joe: god I hope so Ronnie: 🙏 Joe: Your profile says you're in London, still true? Ronnie: i don't need you at my door either Joe: 🙄 Ronnie: roll your eyes at me again Joe: 🙄🙄 Ronnie: 🖕🖕 Joe: 😏 Ronnie: what the fuck do you want Joe: I've told you Ronnie: nah Ronnie: spit it out Ronnie: youre circling around it stop being a pussy Joe: how am I? Ronnie: what do you want for fucks sake Joe: meet you Ronnie: its not happening Joe: why not Ronnie: i hate that you exist Ronnie: that she got a 2nd chance & i didnt get 1 Joe: that's fair Joe: you can hate me in person Ronnie: i aint goin to prison for killing you Ronnie: you wish Joe: yeah Joe: oh well Ronnie: take your death wish home Ronnie: or on a different part of the internet Joe: awh, cheers for the sisterly advice Ronnie: shut your mouth Ronnie: i ain't your sister Joe: kk Ronnie: dumping all your bullshit on me dont make us related Joe: we are Joe: you not wanting it don't fight biology Ronnie: her not wanting me cancels it all out Joe: not to me Ronnie: i give a shit how you feel Ronnie: youre a stranger with fuck all i want Joe: you ain't checked what I've got Ronnie: until facebook adds income i dont care Joe: 💔 Ronnie: you must look like your da Ronnie: dont be Joe: well you look like her Joe: not that I've seen yours Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: i dont Joe: yeah you do Joe: [sends pics] Ronnie: shut up Joe: alright Joe: catch you around then Ronnie: get it through your head Ronnie: you wont Joe: what you scared for Ronnie: youre having fun trying to mess me up Ronnie: that aint how i get mine Joe: I'm seriously not Joe: I've got the message though, alright Ronnie: youre seriously throwing all this shit at me like im gonna smile as i eat it Ronnie: what the fuck Joe: I don't expect fuck all Joe: I just wanna know you but if you don't then that's alright Joe: I won't message again Ronnie: bullshit Ronnie: you aint asked about me Ronnie: you wanna bitch about 'em Joe: that's why I wanna meet you Joe: I've thrown enough questions at you for one convo Ronnie: nah you wanna meet me to see if i proper look like her Joe: I've got eyes Ronnie: if thats what you reckon you see they dont fucking work Ronnie: get down the social & claim Joe: you're fine, its not dead ringer levels Ronnie: im fucking fine cause theres none of her in me Joe: I'm glad for you Ronnie: were not family save your lies Ronnie: i dont need any blows softened Joe: its only me bitching Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: & you can save your tears Ronnie: you already cant see fuck all like Joe: what do you want? Ronnie: too late to give a fuck Ronnie: youve shit over me with this Joe: I'm sorry Ronnie: nah Ronnie: sorry for yourself aint the same Joe: Why would I be sorry for me? Joe: I got everything Ronnie: not how youre framing it Joe: why would you believe me Ronnie: not hard to believe mummy dearest loves me best Ronnie: not like she dumped me fast as she could & legged it Joe: she weren't allowed to keep you, she was 14 with a junkie non-dad to look after you both Ronnie: & what she didnt get any older or get her shit together Ronnie: fuck that Joe: did you want her to come 'round and pick you up 4 years later? Ronnie: she had you cunts instead Joe: so she comes and gets you and the social come with and see the fake bailiffs and the bashed in door and we all go back with you Joe: I see the appeal Ronnie: you reckon i had it better Ronnie: thats what this nancy drew bullshit is about Joe: nice one, genius Joe: in what world is that adding up Ronnie: yours Ronnie: in what world would i have not gone with any cunt to get me out of that place then Joe: I'm telling you why she didn't get you, not telling you why you wouldn't wanna be there Ronnie: youre giving me both Ronnie: cant help yourself Joe: they're the same reason Joe: if she tried to get you, they'd say nah 'cos her life was a mess, simple as Ronnie: & yet here you are Ronnie: not a care kid a single day in your fucking life Ronnie: so like i said she got her shit together in the end Joe: she was 18 when I came around and we got taught how to say the right thing to socials and how to shut our mouths the rest Joe: but that's just what she told me Joe: she probably didn't want you, looking back Ronnie: why would she Ronnie: had a new set up with a cunt that stayed Ronnie: cuter kids Joe: 'cos she loved your da the way only a 14 year old girl can Joe: pro and a con in your favour Joe: does she want the reminders or does she not Ronnie: not Ronnie: youre the only pussy walking memory lane Ronnie: aint her looking Joe: yeah, s'me, so why you chatting at me like I'm the one that fucked you off Joe: not productive Ronnie: cause you are Joe: I've gone to leave loads now Joe: you've clearly got shit to say Joe: so just say it at me, I've already offered that n'all Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: i didnt ask for this Ronnie: she was in the ground for all i knew Joe: she still can be Joe: I ain't telling Ronnie: nah you opened your gob & let all that shite out Ronnie: i couldve been about to slit my throat or pull a shift Joe: you could've easily found out she weren't dead yourself too Ronnie: what should it tell you that i didnt Joe: ignorance ain't such bliss I've tipped you over the edge Ronnie: you dont know shit Ronnie: how does yours feel Joe: how do you think Ronnie: i think you should ask if people have got time & space to spin out before you fuck with their heads Ronnie: i think you should go suck a dick mckenna Joe: why should I? Joe: no one asked me and I owe you shit Ronnie: she owes me Ronnie: youre nothing Ronnie: you dont see me knocking cause im not looking for answers & theres fuck all else to collect by the sounds of it Joe: then fucking collect Ronnie: talk to your ma like that Joe: hit me up when you stop being scared Ronnie: keep it up and ill smash in your face Joe: how Joe: you don't wanna meet Ronnie: dont flatter yourself nancy drew Ronnie: i can still kick your door in Ronnie: be like the baliffs are back Ronnie: you can revisit your childhood Joe: now who wants to go for a jaunt down memory lane Ronnie: you wish Joe: 🙏 Ronnie: i reckon your imaginary friends gotta be sick of your bullshit by now Joe: no doubt, nancy drew Ronnie: we cant both be nancy Joe: alright you be sid then Ronnie: still not gonna kill you baby Ronnie: but youre getting warmer Joe: I know, stalked you, remember Ronnie: get a hobby or habit mckenna Ronnie: your little misery boners aint cute Joe: oh I got plenty of thoses Joe: your concern is, kinda Ronnie: youve thrown me into the big sister deep end Ronnie: sounds like how you want it Joe: very obliging Ronnie: unloved kids get it where they can Ronnie: thats on the back of the poster Joe: trust, I know Ronnie: 💔 Joe: not me Joe: never mind, not my sob story to hit you with Ronnie: you only wanna share yours Joe: maybe when we get cosy I'll divulge all the family secrets, sis Ronnie: maybe if you chat shit like that to me again ill choke on my puke Joe: n'awh Ronnie: kill yourself Joe: sure thing Ronnie: very obliging Joe: it was already in the diary tbh Joe: but I'll pop you in the note if that makes you feel 💘 Ronnie: show me yours & ill show you mine Joe: deal Ronnie: 💘 Ronnie: [skippity skip] Ronnie: pick me up Joe: where from Ronnie: [location that's sketchy as all hell] Joe: alright Joe: that should take me 'bout half an hour this time of day Ronnie: im not goin anywhere mckenna Joe: you alright Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: got it Joe: 🚖 📵 Ronnie: important for you to know your place Joe: must be popular with the cabbies 👑 Ronnie: yeah im on a ban Ronnie: look out for my picture hanging Joe: what did you do Joe: vom and not pay the fine one too many times? Ronnie: we taking another trip down memory lane Ronnie: i aint 12 Joe: go on then, what was it Ronnie: the cunt crashed its fuck all to get excited about Joe: did you get hurt? Ronnie: didnt feel it Joe: what about the driver Ronnie: i reckon he felt it Joe: fucked you're stuck with the tube then Joe: 💔 Ronnie: cheers motherfucker Ronnie: cant you drive Joe: 'course I can Joe: where'd your license go, got a story for that and all or? Ronnie: car theft would be a dead good sibling bonding activity Ronnie: but i dont need your help to break a window Joe: another time Ronnie: nah Ronnie: next time some other cunt will pick me up Joe: good thing I didn't specify Joe: tah for keeping me well in the loop of your schedule though Ronnie: other shit in the diary besides blowing my brains out Ronnie: can move it up if you aint gonna shut up Joe: 🤐 Joe: you can keep all your dates Ronnie: made up i am Joe: no need to say thanks, I feel it Ronnie: you wanted to meet up Ronnie: wish granted Joe: I know Joe: reckon blue would suit Ronnie: what Joe: genie Joe: you owe me 2 more, yeah? Ronnie: rubbing me up the wrong way dont count Joe: damn Ronnie: i can do black & blue Joe: changed your mind then Joe: my 🍀 day Ronnie: you got the accent Ronnie: my head cant do subtitles Joe: not really Joe: not proper Joe: some of my younger ones do but they can barely remember Liverpool Ronnie: nothing to be 💔 about Ronnie: its a shithole Joe: least its a shithole with some history Joe: we moved to a newbuild shithole so Joe: win some lose some Ronnie: your boner for history aint that big Joe: you checked what I'm studying? 😏 Ronnie: you dont post about fuck all else Joe: I'm barely outta freshers let me have it Ronnie: dont give me the flu Joe: thought that was just a euphemism Joe: either way, on my life Ronnie: fuck knows Joe: not as much fun as people chat, shockingly Ronnie: what is Ronnie: the shit that feels good is the shit youre meant to keep your mouth shut about Joe: hear hear Ronnie: 💘 Joe: 💘 Joe: you live there or am I picking you up from a mates Ronnie: neither Joe: alright Ronnie: drop me on the other side Joe: no problem Ronnie: then you can go back to wanking over symphonies Joe: you wanna help me with my homework Joe: so nice Ronnie: what are big sisters for Joe: yeah Ronnie: shits fucked up Joe: right Joe: but you can be more specific Ronnie: nah i cant Joe: don't know where to start? Ronnie: it starts with being born Joe: okay, so the starts the easy bit Joe: the middle Joe: we don't have time Ronnie: we aint gonna trauma bond mckenna youve been beaten to it Joe: ah you got a troubled boyfriend Joe: that's cool Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: you heard me say i aint 12 Joe: you know what I mean Ronnie: not very nancy drew if you reckon im that bitch Joe: we can't both be sid Ronnie: touche baby Joe: 💘 Ronnie: im gonna carve up this cunt if you dont pull me out Ronnie: & thatll make him feel too special Joe: who? Joe: I'm nearly there Ronnie: my not boyfriend Ronnie: dont waste romance like that on strangers Joe: sensible Joe: just carve anything but 💘 and he shouldn't get too clingy Ronnie: whats the symphony that gets you off fastest Ronnie: ill do that Joe: Khachaturian's Sabre Dance works as a play on words and should get him to crescendo 👌 Ronnie: hot Joe: orchestra nerds get all the bitches Ronnie: yeah Joe: you aren't a catfish, are you Joe: I mean, I'll recognize you Ronnie: look for your mas face Joe: fuck it, therapy overdue anyway Ronnie: fuck you for saying that Ronnie: making it go round my head Joe: I shouldn't have said that Ronnie: i should stab you Ronnie: all these pieces of mirror Ronnie: fuck him Joe: you can, long as you keep it shallow, or don't mind swinging by the hospital Ronnie: i dont get my kicks at a&e Joe: you'll have to play nice then Ronnie: youll get too clingy Joe: avoid the 💘 Ronnie: some other bitch can have the honours Joe: or has Joe: don't I seem 💔 Ronnie: dont need to hear how you lost your virginity mckenna Joe: noted Joe: save that trip down memory lane for private time Joe: me and mozart Ronnie: explains a shit ton if the conductor is molesting you Ronnie: but not gonna be the sister who tells him where to put that stick he waves about Joe: Mozart was pretty fucked up but I don't reckon it went that far Ronnie: i dont know him 💔 Ronnie: there was a Moz here earlier fuck knows if theyre any relation Joe: You're more a Liszt type, called it Ronnie: what the fuck kind of fuck you is that Joe: 😂 Joe: actually he's considered the world's first rock star, I was being nice Ronnie: shut up Joe: what, you ain't seen the ken russell film with daltrey in? Joe: have a word Ronnie: get a life Joe: tomorrow Joe: maybe Ronnie: i cant fucking believe it had to be you Ronnie: thank fuck i already aint showing my face here again Joe: thought you said you weren't 12 Joe: but I don't need to come in if you don't wanna be embarrassed in front of your mates Ronnie: i said my mates aint here Joe: no need to tell me why you're there Ronnie: where the fuck are you Joe: just got out, 5 minutes Ronnie: i need to get out Ronnie: move it like Joe: alright Joe: come find me then, make it go faster Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: what's wrong Ronnie: if my body would do what it was told i wouldnt need you Ronnie: cant even paint you a fucking picture Joe: right Ronnie: theres a shit load of stairs yeah Ronnie: i cant do 'em Joe: if you're fat I swear to god Ronnie: calm your tits nancy drew Ronnie: you know thats bullshit Joe: I'll trust you ain't catfishing then Ronnie: thats my next tat Ronnie: all for you baby Joe: sweet Ronnie: hurry up Joe: I am Joe: [show up boy] Ronnie: [when you're just there like damsel in distress which ain't you so it makes it more awks] Joe: [what a first meeting just having to carry her away from god knows where like] Ronnie: [just like we don't know each other but just carry me to your vehicle thanks] Joe: [just doing it silently like this is normal] Ronnie: [since I cant find a pic she should go get that tattoo now just casually drag him along] Joe: [once you get the use of your limbs back lol] Ronnie: [lbr its blatantly someone sketchy she knows the state of them all] Joe: [god bless] Ronnie: [when I know its gotta go on her face somewhere cos #triggered by looking like Tess and I'm just screaming like NOOO] Joe: [my boo is horrified and Joe too] Ronnie: [soz you're so cute bitch and you wanna look so ugly] Joe: [lowkey dread to think how annoying the heal time is on a face tat] Ronnie: [blasting that orchestra bop he mentioned earlier as loud as poss cos yeah you searched for it and yeah you don't wanna hear your thoughts or have a convo] Joe: [when you don't run like you should 'cos you too are a crazy person] Ronnie: [match made in heaven lol] Joe: [🔥😈] Ronnie: [does he have any tattoos I have forgotten] Joe: [Oh, I don't think so??? but he probably would in a self-destructive manner too, as long as they could be hidden like his self-harm like go ahead] Ronnie: [just thinking get one now if you want boy #bonding] Joe: [yolo] Ronnie: [ooh what should it be] Joe: [the real question, hmm] Ronnie: [perfect excuse to be staring at each other while that's happening though cos you can't be moving all about] Joe: [but of course] Ronnie: [Joe can move around more cos not on his fucking head but] Joe: [probably get a cherry or something for the lols] Ronnie: [love that for you Joseph]

[anarchistsuggestion]

hey, vaccinate your kids you jerks!!!

thanks for coming to my essay! now that i have your attention, i think we should stop talking about anti-vaxxers like theyre all backwards hyper-religious dumbasses. like, im frustrated too, and i agree that "personal/religious reasons" should not allow someone to keep their kids unvaccinated. furthermore, as an autistic person, i despise the myth that vaccines cause autism. i especially hate that it scares people into avoiding vaccines, because theres nothing wrong with me.

but ridiculing these people will only make the problem worse, and here's why: i think that a lot of anti-vaxxers and their communities are used to feeling like the most important aspects of their cultural identities are universally mocked or demonised (im not qualified to say whether these feelings reflect reality in every case, but either way im just talking about feelings, ie, what people think we believe about their culture). for instance, my only knowledge of amish people comes from jokes ive seen others make about them. yes, none of these jokes were very serious, and its easy for me to laugh at them because im not amish, but despite my low empathy i can understand that it just feels bad to hear a whole bunch of jokes about something important to you. i'll get back to this point in a moment.

anyway, i bring up the amish because in 2014, there were measles outbreaks in some amish communities in Ohio. and i think that a lot of the people who dont vaccinate their kids are used to being ridiculed for their "weird" or "new age" or "hyper-religious" or "unchristian" lifestyles, so they just see our concern as more of that mockery. we all sound the same to them, and cant you see why?

"ughh all these people ignoring science and being stubborn about vaccines because their church said--" you sound like one of those atheists. if you cant say anything productive, please stay out of the discussion. why do you act like ridiculing people will change their minds? we should be reaching out, instead.

we need to make the effort to approach anti-vaxxers in a way that distinguishes us from those who only converse with them to mock them.

i want more people to understand that the best way to change someone's mind when they're defensive is by listening. you need to be willing to accept whatever they might rant about, and respect that, even if their fears seem ridiculous, even if their fears are rooted in ableism, their fears still terrify them. thats why theyre called fears. you can validate someone's feelings of anxiety and confusion without validating their bigotry, and you must be willing to accept that this is work. this is difficult. it's much, much harder than yelling your opinions. it's exhausting, and sometimes it doesn't even pay off. sometimes you just can't convince somebody, and you have to be able to accept that.

if this seems too hard for you, i have good news: you do not have to do it. this kind of thing is not for everyone, and it's okay if you just don't want to. this doesn't have to be your responsibility.

i only ask that you stop making things worse by (performatively, in the case of yall who arent in danger of dying/losing a loved one to a preventable disease) mocking anti-vaxxers, because we are the ones who need something from them. we are asking them to face their fears (which were sometimes instilled in them very early in their childhood) for the good of humanity. i don't know about all of you, but i'd be hesitant at best to face even my third worst fear (spiders) for the sake of strangers who regularly mock my culture and heritage, and i know for a fact that most spiders cannot harm me!

this is natural. this is human. it is easy to dismiss things you dont understand, and it's even easier to dismiss them when all the scientific evidence agrees with you. however, your evidence does not make these people's experiences and fears less real for them. it does not lessen the effect their fear has on their choices. knowing that a tarantula won't hurt me if i follow certain guidelines will not stop me from shaking and having a breakdown if i think too hard about touching one. knowing that nothing bad would happen doesn't motivate me to go over to the science building at my college and ask to hold their fucking tarantula.

there are no shortcuts here. if we want anti-vaxxers to accept vaccines and stop putting so much effort towards keeping their children unvaccinated, we have to convince them that they don't need to be afraid of vaccines. we need to actually address their concerns. telling them their fears are ridiculous is just not convincing no matter how much scientific evidence you have. this discussion has become too performative. people just tell anti-vaxxers to vaccinate their kids, and they dont bother to address the fear that motivates their opponents. they don't care that they're asking people to trust a yelling internet stranger with their child's health.

it is inconsiderate to demand things from people without stopping to think about what you're asking for. please think about it from their point of view. if vaccines were dangerous, and they vaccinated their kids, then anything bad that happened to their kids due to the vaccines would be their responsibility. and remember, these people have not been given a convincing reason to believe vaccines are harmless. okay? they do not want to be at fault for their children getting hurt. yes, they are wrong. yes, they are frustrating. yes, they are endangering immunocompromised people like my dad, but there is a huge difference between being malicious and being misguided. please do not treat them like they set out to hurt you.

also? stop telling them to care about other people when you don't care enough about them to respect that they're doing their best with the resources they have. stop saying "i dont know how to explain to you that you should care about other people" when you really just want them to magically stop being scared. maybe you say it out of genuine frustration and bewilderment, but when everyone is saying it, it comes across like a smug 'gotcha!' phrase that excuses you from spending more energy on the debate. you can just say youre tired and stop.

i am trying to explain to you that you should care that these people have felt scammed/hurt by the medical industry enough times that they feel justified in risking the health of their whole family (assuming they even think vaccines work). you should care that theyve never been given a convincing reason to trust remedies promoted by rich strangers who make claims that sound too good to be true. the government has promoted harmful things to underprivileged people before, like milk (it took me a half hour to sift through unrelated stuff about soy milk to confirm this, so i'll go ahead and link my source). it is logical to mistrust an industry that operates for the profit of people youve never met. not everyone trusts the FDA to keep the pharmaceutical industry in check, and it's actually pretty smart to rely on direct accounts from people you know personally when you aren't sure how well something actually works, and you dont trust the ones selling it to you.

with that in mind, talking to people is probably the best way to tackle this issue, but many of you haven't bothered to compile introductory information about vaccines. you havent bothered to present these resources in a way that doesn't ridicule people who are scared. i am trying to explain to you that you shouldn't debate with people if you won't treat them like humans. i am trying to explain to you that "you dont actually care about others" is a hurtful and manipulative sentiment, and when you say it to people who are trying their best, you become part of the problem. you reinforce their mistrust. i am trying to explain to you that trusting doctors doesnt make you morally superior.

put yourself in their shoes for a moment. imagine that someone comes up to you and makes it clear that they think the choices you've made as a parent are ridiculous. they make claims about your child without offering proof, or the only proof they offer also mocks you and people like you (or they just tell you to "google it"). furthermore, they tell you that unless you give in, something bad will happen to their own children, and it will be your fault.

this is manipulative. even if you are correct, it is manipulative. demanding that someone treat their child in a way that they consider harmful is just ridiculous and i don't know why you expect people to listen to you. do you expect this to be easy? do you honestly believe that if someone isn't converted within minutes, they're just being stubborn? do you think these people know the truth, and only persist out of spite?

these questions are necessary, because many of you talk about anti-vaxxers as though the answer is 'yes.' there is a difference between being correct and treating people right. please be more aware of that line in the future, and do your best not to cross it.

oh, and by the way, if i see any of you using this year's measles outbreaks as an excuse to be hateful towards jewish people, i will block and report you. antivaxxers usually arent malicious, and if you perceive orthodox jewish antivaxxers as being worse than other antivaxxers, you need to rethink your beliefs. they arent rejecting vaccines just to hurt you. maybe theyre tired of being demonised and blamed for everything from climate change to unemployment to dead kids*, and theyre unwilling to trust random people with something as important as the health of their children when a lot of us have never bothered to listen to their struggles. (* ive seen a whole lot of people saying things that border on blood libel without quite involving blood during these discussions, so can we all agree to be careful not to do anything that resembles that shit now that ive provided a handy link about what it is? thanks)

lastly, all of this criticism of anti-anti-vaxxers is very easy for me to say because i have less of a personal stake in the issue. i know it must hurt in a way i can't currently understand to lose someone to a preventable disease. if i have made anyone feel dismissed or invalidated in this essay post, i'm sorry for doing so, and i want to make it clear that it is okay if you hate anti-vaxxers. i know their fear has hurt you, and i wouldn't ask you to pretend otherwise. i dont want to make any of you feel like you shouldn't talk about your experiences and fears. i'm just asking that, before you hit the post button, you read through your post and edit out anything manipulative or guilt-trippy. your contributions to this conversation are valuable, and i want the people youre trying to convince to be able to read them without feeling like they have to defend themselves instead of listening to you. the culture around this debate has become almost hostile, and while we dont all need to work directly with anti-vaxxers to make it better, we do all need to agree to stop making it worse.

[stellar-aide]

> Kanaya: Discuss, once more.

[jisokai]

Hello! The jumin cheating fic was really a heart breaker. Can you write an alternate ending (happy ending) loving your writings by the way ♥♥

aaa im sorry this has taken so long!! ive been trying to get a system up where i write for 2 inboxes a day so i can catch up to them all, but then i get two more… but feel free to keep requesting!! it helps motivate me to get shit done! someone also requested an angsty ending to the scenario, so ill try to get that done later today and link it up. the original post is here, and my masterlist is here,, enjoy!! 

this scenario could take a few different endings, so i decided to write two endings (normal and good) you could consider happy. [spoiler for the scenario] i wrote a normal ending where mc dies but on good terms with jumin, and a good ending where she lives and jumin makes things right [end spoiler] im not gonna say what the bad end is but you can probably guess what im planning….

jumin cheating scenario - good & normal ending

normal ending [death mentions]

- it only took jumin a week to find where you went- he had all sorts of connections, you couldnt hide forever- but you tried really hard- as soon as he saw where you were headed, he knew you were headed to your parents house- you wanted to tell them about your illness and plans to travel the world for a few of your remaining months- currently, you were planning to stay home for a couple more days, leave for about three months, and then come home and stay with your family when you grew weaker and neared death- but jumin showed up a week into your stay with your parents (a variable you didnt take into account but really shouldve)- he starts apologizing, tears falling as he begs for your forgiveness and a possible second chance- he promises to do better and stay faithful, trying everything he can to win you back and stay with him- you sigh and close your eyes, deciding to explain the situation- you tell him that the cheating wasnt what drove you away, but that you might die soon- you explain you dont want to go back to that life and spend the last bit of it with someone who already has your replacement- you tell him your plans to travel and see the world before its over- hes in shock when he finds out about this and offers to try and get doctors behind you to fight for a cure- you just decline and say you dont want his help and youve already accepted what was to come- he hesitantly leaves you after that, understanding your situation and telling you to call if you ever need anything- the next day theres a large sum of money transferred to your bank account and you accept it, what do you have to lose?- you have a wonderful three months of travel, seeing so much and meeting so many great people- you return home and spend your last remaining time with your family- jumin comes by to visit a couple times, holding your hand and telling you he loves you, even after all hes done- when your time ends and your body lays limp on the bed, jumin cries and mourns for you- days pass and he still mourns, unable to let you go- he ends things with the other person, he cant bring himself to do it anymore- he carrys on, but its not the same without you- he reverts back to his unemotional state and works like a robot, efficient as ever but tangled inside- however, once a year when he visits your grave, he lets himself cry 

good ending

- you didnt make it on the plane- you sat at the gate, waiting for your group to be called while jumin was running around the streets looking for you- but when you stood to get in line, he was running down the halls of the airport- and a scream of “MC!” got your attention, making you look back in awe at the business man clumsily running to get you back- jumin stands in front of you panting- “mc,, please come back and think this through. i promise to do better, ill do anything.. just, please not so soon. i cant live without you”- you sigh and he just continues his rambling before you have to cut him off- “jumin i have a terminal illness. im probably going to die within six months”- hes shocked, eyes widening and the fear is so big in his eyes- “ i wasnt planning to leave you until i found out. i didnt want to live like how i am for the rest of my short life”- hes speechless, unable to understand what you were saying- “m-mc oh my god… when did you find out? what do you plan to do?”- “i found out earlier today and i plan to see my family and then travel around the world”- he still cant understand it, “mc come back to me, please.. we can get the best doctors and treatments, im sure of it! we still have time, we can make this-”- you cut him off “jumin no. six months is what i have and i cant spend that time mending a broken relationship.”- he took a deep breath and looked you in the eyes “two months. come back to me after two months. ill give you the money for travelling and leave you alone. afterwards, come back to me. ill find the best people i can and we will push to cure you. please mc, i cant live without you.”- you hold eye contact for a few moments and sigh before replying- “jumin i love you and i believe in you, but even if i live, who knows if youll cheat again. will it really be worth it? no matter how long i live, i dont want the rest of my life being spent with someone who isnt loyal”- he put a hand on your shoulder “two months”- ,,…..- you sighed and agreed, “fine. but you only get two months in return. if i dont seem to be recovering, we’ll give up on it. i dont want needles in my body for the rest of my life either.”- he smiled so big his face hurt, “deal.”- two amazing months passed and you were back in his apartment- during his two months he found amazing doctors and treatments and would do everything to cure your illness- he had ended his affair, devoting himself entirely to you- the first month was hell, trying to get samples and make comparison, choosing treatments and setting up a plan- but when the second month came, you went a week without vomiting blood and new hope arised- you knew treatment would be long, but the signs were so big you had to do it- the full recovery took over a year, but it was so fucking worth it- jumin was there by your side for the entire road- he checked up on you everyday and sat with you every night to help you sleep- his commitment to you during this time restored your faith in him and the relationship you both have- when you fully recovered, the two of you decided to try again at love- you also became well known for being a survivor of a certain terminal illness and traveled to give speeches and talk about your story- you paired with his company for advertising and starting a new branch in health related business- but most importantly, your lives became one again and you could return to how your relationship used to be- he makes sure to tell you he loves you every day, he makes sure to sit by you in the mornings long enough to watch you wake up, and he works to prove his love every day- and he saved you in a way, so why wouldnt you let him try again?- and youre so happy you did, because things truly did work out in the best way possible