#no i cannot bring myself to colour and ruin it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lorei-writes · 1 year ago

Text

Winter Flower

Chapter VI: Serpents’ Tongue

Masamune x OC [Hana] Summary: Hana wakes up in the gardens of Azuchi castle without any recollection of her past. Who is she? What was she doing there? And most importantly – what is she supposed to do now? Placed under supervision of Lord Date, Hana has to find her footing in the unfamiliar reality of the warring states. Series Masterlist

Content Warnings: none

“Should you inquire, I intend to answer you honestly. Consider it your privilege for the duration of this conversation.” You say this, yet I cannot bring myself to believe you in the slightest.

I suppose it is only expected that I wouldn’t be left to myself for an entire day. However, I did not think that, out of all the people here, it’d be Snake who’d accompany me. I flinch internally at the fact, his slender hands slowly raising the cup of tea to his thin lips. There may be a table separating us, but the way he is… No matter how close or far away Mitushide sits, I still am concerned.

“Drink, little flower. I assure you, no poison has been added to your cup.”

I tense at the word “poison”. If anything, I’m all the less convinced I should drink it, but… it may be rude to refuse. Mitushide chuckles at the slight tremble of my fingers. Undeniably, I must be quite pathetic now, but even so, I do take a sip.

“How do you like it?”

“It’s very bitter.”

“Oh? Perhaps I used a too hot water.”

I set my cup down, fairly sure that I’d spill its contents were I to laugh. And I do wish to laugh. Mitsuhide opens his eyes wide, and then, his face relaxes, as if that has been his intention all along.

“My, my, is a ruined batch of tea that amusing to you?”

“No.” I shake my head. “But usually, I’d assume you’d know that it’s too bitter after tasting it yourself.”

“The only thing I can still taste is alcohol, little one. And only because it burns. I don’t imagine you’d join me for a round of sake that early in the day?”

I shake my head again. Surely, between the unbridled Eyepatch, tasteless Snake, and Hideyoshi, the group of people serving under Mr Confident is quite colourful itself.

“Ah, what a shame. Perhaps then you’d be more willing to talk.”

My eyebrows raise by themselves. I cannot say I have any idea about what information he’d like to hear from me, nor do I assume there could be any other reason for this not-quite-a-question to appear. His fingers tap against the table, and slowly, he leans forwards, his amber-like eyes fixated on me. My reflection has already been encased in them, so I can only worry what he’d like to take now… Not that he can take anything of value from me. Silly, silly, me.

“Is there anything in particular you’d like to know?”

“No.” Then why – “However, I’ve happened to be present when Masamune delivered his report, so consider my inquiry pure curiosity.”

“I’m sorry to disappoint, nothing interesting has happened,” I sigh, my gaze falling to my lap. “We have only discovered that my body seems to have retained some memories.”

“Oh? You two must have been busy.”

I scowl at his smirk, but Mitsuhide pretends not to realise what he may have implied, instead pouring himself another cup of the questionable beverage. Very well then. I remain silent, but he seems to have expected that much. Mitsuhide downs his tea, just to unhurriedly set the cup down, porcelain plinking against the wood. Quietly.

“I suggest you do not consider befriending Masamune a valid strategy,” he says after a long pause, “even though you may be inclined to, given your state. I suppose you are not aware of the current affairs, so think of this as of a good-hearted warning.”

I tilt my head to the side, not even sure how to articulate the thoughts swarming inside of my head. “Why should I…?”

“No, little flower, the question is why should you not.” Mitsuhide places his elbows on the table, to then prop his chin over his hands. His lips smile, and yet I cannot say he seems particularly content or joyous… If anything, it is as if his body was a disjointed set of expressions, some attached to others more firmly than the rest. His eyes meet mine, but I cannot hold his gaze for long.

“Should you inquire, I intend to answer you honestly. Consider it your privilege for the duration of this conversation.” You say this, yet I cannot bring myself to believe you in the slightest.

“If you insist… What is the main reason I should not befriend him?”

“That is not what I have said,” Mitsuhide notes, perhaps mildly disappointed, although it also seems he has fully expected this turn of events. “And neither it is what I wished to imply.”

“Then… Why should I be wary of Masamune?” I try again. If I didn’t know any better, I’d consider him satisfied, the way one is after a day of good work…. Or worse yet, like a mother seeing her child learn from their error.

“Because he follows his own moral code, and in it, there is no rule against slaying friends or acquaintances once they prove troublesome.”

Hairs on my neck stand up. My hands roll into fists. “Is that pity talking?”

“Indeed.”

As much as I hate to admit it, I probably deserve it. It’s been just a day, however, the longer I look, the more aware I become of how complicated a situation I found myself in, albeit with little idea on how to improve my standing. I am confused… And yet, in due time, this confusion too has to end. No choice can be a wrong one, not yet, or so I choose to repeat to myself. It can’t, not while anybody could lead me by the nose with any kind-sounding words… Or, perhaps, it can, but I am not equipped to know any better, regardless of how hard I may try.

I let my eyes skim over the room, over the art decorating the walls, the cabinets and the pieces displayed inside them… But the act does not seem to hold much value, so even though I’d rather not, I turn my attention back towards the man in front of me.

“Lord Mitsuhide, if I may… Is it known who has tried to poison lord Nobunaga?”

“Think twice before asking a question, little flower.”

“Very well then,” I sigh. Clearly, he is unwilling to entertain my attempt at making a conversation. “I assume you do, since you know who has gifted it in the first place.”

“That is the case, yes.” Mitsuhide nods his head slowly, and although I probably shouldn’t, I take it as encouragement.

“Considering the fact that lord Nobunaga was the one to receive it, and the fact that he was the one being visited for it to be delivered, I assume the person who offered it is his subordinate… and that it was an act of treason.”

“Correct again.” He is smiling, but his eyes seem to bore into me. For somebody delivering a stare that intense, Mitsuhide appears awfully relaxed, not a hint of discomfort showing anywhere in his posture… Like a snake basking in full sun, lounged over a scorching hot rock, but alert and ready to bite at any moment. The less you know, the safer you are, yet —

“What I do not understand, is what –”

“What interests me is why you desire to find you,” he interrupts. I can almost feel smooth scales slither against my skin, imaginary fangs gently tapping against my neck, just barely above an artery. Are you venomous, Mitsuhide? Or was that just now harmless?

“I was told the entire country is at war. I am trying to wrap my head around the scale of it.”

Mitsuhide pours himself another cup of this heinous tea. He glances towards me, and points to mine, as if suggesting I take a moment to breathe and drink it. I can merely hope I won’t choke on its bitterness, but all I need for it to be gone is one big gulp. That much is hardly something to complain about.

“If you are aware of that much, then what do you assume may happen now?”

I wince – and to my displeasure, I am fairly sure that the aftertaste still lingering in my mouth has nothing to do with this response. Snake, why strangle the words out of my lungs?

“More war.”

“Correct. You needn’t have asked, as you can see now.” He warms his hands against the cup, his gaze fixated on the swirling liquid inside it. “Although to what extent, that will depend on whether Masamune successfully hounds the traitor down.”

There is no more tea left in the pot, and I do not have any desire to request another one… Not that I think my wishes would be heard even if I asked. It appears that Mitsuhide has satiated his appetite, and that he no longer sees any point in watching over me. Well, all things considered, I assume I do not appear particularly threatening, so why should they stretch their forces to protect themselves against something so obviously irrelevant…

My assessment of the situation appears to be correct, as nobody, and I mean nobody, shows up until the very evening. Not even a maid. It is as if my entire existence was forgotten, save for the moment I have been ordered to stay in place.

I did, I obeyed. I wouldn’t know where to go just regardless, although it should suffice to say I am not comfortable after hours of that. Kojuro stares at me with pity as I get up from the floor, my stomach grumbling quietly.

“I’m sorry, Hana. The young lord has only just returned. If I knew you were here, I’d come pick you up sooner.”

“No, no. It’s fine, really.” Nothing terrible has happened to me in the end. I should not be complaining when I haven’t done anything to improve my situation either.

Lanterns light our way back to the Date manor. We do not talk, although there are things that I wish I could ask about. Nevertheless, perhaps silence is for the better now, so I listen in to the clacking produced whenever our sandals touch the stone steps. Now that I pay more attention to them, I realise just how steep they are. I’d rather not fall, I think, although the thought seems to be only partially mine.

I am both cold and hungry, so as soon as we are back, I head directly to the kitchen. It is dark inside, so I light a lantern, and start a fire under the stove. Some water is already waiting there, and it does not take me long to find rice, eggs, pickled radish and… I suppose it is some alcohol. I’m not sure about that much; it sure smells like it? I ignore it, however, to search for chopsticks and usable pots. My stomach grumbles again, this time loudly enough for the sound to be confused for a roar. Why were you not this talkative before? Oh well, I understand, I understand, I shall hurry, yes, yes…

It is good I haven’t promised to my stomach that I’d be focused on the task, though. The door to the kitchen slides open, so I look up, Masamune stepping inside. He seems not to have expected to see me in there, an expression of faint surprise emerging over his face… But then, his lips curve into a half-grin, half-genuine-smile.

“Watcha cooking there?”

“Anything. I’m starving,” I groan. I cannot tell what has inclined me to do so, but he does chuckle at it. So I suppose it was not a wrong call.

“Lemme help you with that.”

The silence we share is oddly comfortable, even the sound of knife cutting into the vegetables fitting well within it. That alone makes me forget about Mitsuhide’s warnings. We have fish today, and although I did not dare mention it, Masamune apparently intends to share it. My mouth waters at the thought of it alone, and so, my hands hurry. The rice is soon going to be ready, but part of me wants to believe that my own rush is going to inspire it to cook faster. Sure, I am not a chef, but even so, it should not hurt —

Masamune catches my knife-wielding arm by the wrist, the blade hanging just above my finger. I am quite stunned, so I do not protest when he moves it away for me, before finally setting it down on the board and letting me free.

“Easy there. You’d better stay in one piece.”

“I – Thank you,” I hesitate. A slight tremor runs through me now that I realise what I could have done… I must be quite pale, but he ruffles my hair all the same.

“Go sit down, I’ll wrap up over here.”

“If you insist… But I’m washing the dishes.”

“Suit yourself,” Masamune chuckles before poking a mole on my nose. I’d rather not ask about the faint scent of blood that still clings onto his hands. I’m not sure whether I should know.

Series tag list: @cheese-ception @nuttytani

#masamune date #ikesen masamune #ikemen sengoku masamune #ikesen #ikemen sengoku #ikemen series

10 notes · View notes

adoracora-elizabeth · 2 months ago

Text

Music made me love you, chapter 19

"You know that I love being in London." Robert looked at his father. "You know about my home in Westminster."

"I love your apartment there and I still think you made the right choice. You being in London helped the company immensely." His father added.

"I need to tell you something about my life in London."

"Son, I know that your mother lets you believe differently, but you are allowed to have your own private life, we do not have to know everything. I trust you to do wise things and not walk into dangerous situations."

Robert looked at his father and he was so incredibly grateful for him. His mother indeed insisted on knowing everything he did. But his father was right, he was allowed to have a private life. But this part about his life he wanted to share. "Papa, I cannot express how grateful I am for this. There is however something I want to share with you. Sometimes I do not live in my Westminster apartment." He saw his father raise his eyebrows. "I bought a second house in Richmond. The city life is sometimes a bit too much and I like to escape to that house."

"You could also have come here?" His father said carefully.

"That is different, Papa. Here is staff and I would never be really alone. In Richmond, I have just myself and the calm city around me."

"Why are you telling me this now?"

"One evening some while ago I met somebody in a pub."

"You have fallen in love?"

Robert sighed. "Sometimes, you are as bad as Mama." Robert felt his cheeks colour, he did not mean to be mean to his father. "I think I am indeed in love; her name is Cora, and she lives in Richmond. She moved to London a couple of years back and now she has published her first book."

"You should bring her here some time."

"Well, that is the thing." Robert paused. "Her mother has taken her home. She is now in New York again, her mother insisted on doing book tours in the United States, because she could be more famous there."

"Does she want to be that famous?" Patrick gave Robert a puzzled look.

"Cora is quite shy and she told me that she wrote her book, because she loves writing, she does not care about being famous."

"She should come back to London than. "

"There is a problem, her mother is like my Mama. She wants to control everything, and she definitely does not take no for an answer."

"That does sound like your Mama indeed. Why are you telling me this? Can I do something for her?"

"Yes and no. It is not something you need to do. It is something that I need to do, but I need your support."

"Tell me my boy."

"I want to go to New York and find her. And when I find her, I want to take her back home."

"And what is my role in this?"

"You need to keep Mama of my back. And I need your word that you will be alright with me gone for some time."

Patrick laughed. "I only had a stroke; I am not dead."

"Papa." Robert smirked.

"I will take care of your mother. When are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow afternoon. Thank you, Papa." Robert got up and walked towards his father. They did not hug much in this family. Showing your emotions, was unheard of. But he ignored that for a second and wrapped his arms around him. He could feel him getting stronger.

+++

His legs were shaking, it had been a long time since Robert had been this nervous. What if she did not show up. He had talked with Harold her brother. After Cora's letter, Robert decided that he had to go and see her. He did not care about her mother's idea of plans. He wanted to be with Cora, and nothing was keeping him from that. Cora had left her address in her letter; Robert used it to send Harold a letter back. He had not sent Cora one. He knew it was harsh, but the change that he would ruin the surprise with his letter was huge. So, he had decided to arrange a surprise meeting with Harold's help.

"This way sir." The waitress showed him the way to the back of a small café" Harold had chosen the spot, since it was small, and it was possible to rent the place. A curtain was pulled aside, and she showed him a grand piano. Robert was taken a bake; he had expected a small piano or even a keyboard.

"Thank you. Is there some time for me to practice?"

"The place is yours sir, so be my guest."

Robert sad down and let his fingers wander over the keys without pressing them. He felt his fingers tremble. Not only was him being here a surprise, but he was also going to reveal that he was the pianist that Cora talked about.

After some time, he had finished and was waiting for his sign to start playing again. Finally, he got the sign and played. Trying to ignore the voices he heard, he felt butterflies when he heard Cora's voice. He could only hope she would react positive. What if she had changed her mind, while being here in New York. It could have been that since her last letter she had gotten used to being back. What if she did not miss London or worse him?

He played the song that he wrote specially with Cora in his mind. The curtain was pulled back and in the corner of his eye he saw Cora. He tried to focus on the keys, but it was hard not to jump up and run towards Cora.

Cora was chatting with the waitress, but suddenly she stopped talking and he heard her gasp.

"Robert?" She said, her voice full of surprise. "Is that really you?" She got closer towards the grand piano. "What are you doing here? I did not know you could play."

Robert wrapped up the song and looked up into Cora's eyes. "I happened to be in the neighbourhood." He joked, while getting up and stepping towards Cora. Careful he put his hands on her shoulders. "I hope you are not mad?"

"Oh Robert." Cora's words almost got lost when she pressed her lips on his. Her hands were firmly on his back, pulling him close.

Robert slid his hands over her shoulders and softly rubbed his thumbs up and down. He did not want this kiss to end, but he needed some air. Pushing her back, he lifted her chin. "I cannot express how happy this makes me."

"What are you doing here? How did you get here and how did you know where I was?" Cora had her hands on his lower back.

"I swam." He laughed out loud. "I wrote to your brother and asked where I could find you. And so here I am."

Cora pressed her cheek against his chest. "I do adore you, Robert." She looked up again, suddenly her eyes big. "Are you? No way, no way. Are you the pianist that gave me the inspiration I needed to finish my book?"

"I cannot claim that I am without knowing for sure, but I can tell you that the song you just heard was specially written for you."

"I know this song; I wrote a short poem when I heard this for the first time. Something about a small river, a pond and a dear."

Robert brushed with his thumb over Cora's jaw. "I think that I can claim that I am that pianist. Can I read that poem one day?"

Cora got on her tiptoes and kissed him again. "I will read it to you one day." She suddenly stepped back as if a bee was stinging her. "I forgot Harold is here too."

"That is alright little sister. I did not mind watching you two." Harold chuckled, while stepping closer. He shook Robert's hand. "Good to see that my sister chose such a decent man."

#cora crawley #downton abbey #robert crawley #downton #fanfiction #cobert

1 note · View note

mindovermatterismagicc · 1 year ago

Text

oh i love you so much. i just feel so loving towards you tonight i just want to write my heart out. i never thought id be so in love ever, honestly before you i thought i was the most unlovable person, thank you for showing me what love is, all my life ive never felt love reciprocated to me but this time knowing that even if i dont love myself or believe in myself one day therell be atleast one person who would disagree. i cannot tell you enough how much of an impact youve had on my life, ive never been happier, i dont feel depressed anymore knowing youll always be there for me and how youve told me how i mean to you and that youre so proud of me. it goes such a long way i promise. the efforts you take for me and how much you adjust things for me whether it be ruining your sleep schedule or calling me in a train, it brings such a smile to my face knowing that wow man someone is so in love with me that theyre willing to go out of their way to do all this for me. i feel loved, i feel so fullfilled and i feel so not lonely anymore. thank you for healing a part of me i didnt know i needed to be touched, 13 year old vivaan no longer wants to kill himself and thinks life is entirely depressing anymore, because you made it shine, you brought light to my life and now you are my life, youre all i look after all i want, every thought, every action everything just comes down to you good or bad and thats beautiful that it settles to you because theres nothing i would want mean ore to me than you. 217/365 days. and ive only seen you for 2 of them but im not going to go on that sad path of how i miss it and everything because whats the point of being sad about it anymore? it was such a happy time and just so surreal and blissful it felt like nothing mattered in this world, it felt like it was just us and just hapiness. baby i can only fill my journal pages with you and asking you to come here i can only go to temples and ask god for you to come here too, i can only manifest for you to come here. theres not much i can do but im doing everything in my power for it, and i hope youre trying your best too, and im sure if its meant to happen and if im deserving enough to see you again according to god that time will come. please if you come here please surprise me okay?. we can only be optimistic and thats how we should be. i miss you so much everyday baby but talking to you makes me feel better about myself and life in general life doesnt feel so bad for the x minutes we talk and i really love that. 217 days and i only want this counter to never stop, i love how enthusisastic we are about each other everyday and just the way we sort things out, love each other be there for each other is goals and im so glad my first relationship turned out like this. theres nobody id want my first kiss to be on an empty metro station at 10:42am. on a personal level, im so proud of you baby i dont remind you enough as you remind me but i will from now, youre the most beautiful, wonderful, intelligent and just lovable person ive met and i literally mean it. you go through so much and even though you sleep through it most its tough to be you somedays and its tough to manage being so smart and just all that life brings you down for. im always going to be your biggest fan baby except when you colour your hair or get a piercing but ( jk i would love you as much still ) yeah im always going to be there for you, youre a good student, girlfriend, friend, sister and most importantly youre a beautiful human, and i mean that fromhow gorgeous you look to your morals and your so swwet heart. theres nobody like you and im glad there is nobody like you because youre all id ever want and i never want to let go off your hand.

i love you so so much baby i promise you that you mean the world to me and i never want to lose you.

there would be no vivaan without you my love, there would be no happy vivaan without sanskriti.

0 notes

demieddie · 2 years ago

Text

your eyes look like coming home

gen, no archive warnings apply, m/m - buddie, ~5k

summary:

After his breakup with Taylor, Buck decides not to date anyone on the premise of ‘we’re having fun together, let’s see where this goes’ and to focus on potential serious partners instead. When he determines what a serious partner means to him, he realizes every single quality and wish points straight to his best friend. So, in short, Buck is doomed.

Written for the 9-1-1 2022 Bingo Prompt (@911bingo): “Love is always going to require a huge leap of faith.”

[read on ao3]

Buck has finally reached a point in his life where he cannot deny that he is in love with Eddie. He did some serious reflection after breaking up with Taylor and decided that was the last time he would build a relationship on “seeing where things go”. So, he sat down alone with his thoughts and the last beer in his fridge to make a list of everything he wants in a partner. He got halfway down the list—someone who is happy for me when things go my way, someone who I don’t need to watch my words around, someone who I can goof off with, someone who is there for me even when I can’t be there for myself, someone who I can build a family with—before he realized he was mentally adding “like Eddie” onto every point.

So, yeah, Buck is a little head over heels for his best friend. Or, rather, completely in love with him.

The main problem is that he has no idea what to do about it. Does he leave it alone and hope like hell he finds someone similar? Does he tell him and potentially ruin their friendship? It seems like a massive thing to keep secret, but Buck does not want to be that one guy who implodes a friendship over non-platonic feelings. He saw enough of that during his travelling days and does not wish to experience it himself.

So, realistically, there is only one path forward. Keep quiet and smile through the pain when Eddie inevitably gets together with someone.

Buck soon learns that his initial plan is not as easy as he thought it would be. He thought nothing would change—and, outside of Buck’s own head, nothing has—but it is almost like everything has changed. Buck is biting back love confessions more times than he can count. Long-winded rambling ones when they have stayed up a little too late and are only lit by the commercials on Eddie’s TV. Soft quiet ones when Eddie’s head is in his hands while looking over utility bills. One notable time when Buck burns his whole mouth with the coffee Eddie gave him one shift because the only two options were to chug it or to say love you instead of thanks.

Months pass in a blur of work shifts, nights spent at the Diaz residence, and remaining nights alone in his apartment. He and Eddie spend weeks planning Christopher’s eleventh birthday—his first with all of his friends in years—and seeing the smile on Christopher’s face made the long nights and countless phone calls worth it one thousand times over. He watches as Maddie and Chimney find their way back together again, each one of Jee-Yun's milestones bringing them a step closer. One night, Eddie’s wall gets painted back to its original colour.

Buck gets used to swallowing the words on the tip of his tongue. He gets used to the pang in his chest when Eddie sits on the couch where no part of them can touch. He gets used to smiling and joking around with everyone when Eddie gets flirted with on calls.

Everything is fine. Everything settles into normalcy. Everything is normal.

They are halfway through a shift when Buck’s emotional house of cards starts to crumble.

Buck is sitting at the dining table in the loft and sipping at his cup of coffee. He casually notices how Eddie’s eyebrows slowly furrow while he stares at his phone.

“Lovely afternoon, isn’t it Buckaroo?” Hen says from his immediate right.

“Oh my go—Hen,” Buck whispers harshly, free hand on his pounding heart, as Hen sits on the chair beside him.

“Anything interesting going on in that head of yours?” Hen asks, in a tone suggesting she already has an idea of the thoughts in Buck’s head.

“Hen,” Buck whispers, pleading. Hen raises an eyebrow at him. Buck sighs. “I know. If that’s what you’re asking, I know.”

Hen nods as a smile takes over her face. “I’m proud of you, Buck.”

“Thanks,” he replies, flashing a small smile in return.

Hen nods, before getting up and placing a hand on his shoulder.

“The last thing he wants to do is hurt you.”

“I know,” Buck responds, despite also knowing that sometimes intentions do not matter.

Buck fumbles with his keys as he tries to unlock his front door. It takes him far longer than it should—maybe he should not have had that final beer—but eventually he gets the right key in the lock and twists it correctly. He leans back against the door once it shuts behind him and gives his vision a second to settle when he flips the lights on.

After relocking the door and throwing his keys in the vague direction of where they should be, Buck stumbles into the kitchen to get a glass of water. All he wants to do right now is crawl up to his bed and pass out until noon, but he learned his lesson last year about hangovers in your thirties. A glass of water is not the miracle solution it was in his early twenties, but it is certainly better than nothing at all.

He collapses on the couch with a groan, glass of water in hand. He drank more than he planned to, which always seems to be the case on his birthday. He did not pay for more than one drink all night, between Maddie and Eddie each buying him a beer and then the multiple rounds of shots for the table courtesy of Chimney and Karen. It was technically his birthday party, but it was also the first time anyone at the 118 had more than one day off in a row, so everyone was letting loose.

In his drunken miscoordination, he manages to knock the coaster off his coffee table when he tries to set his half-drank glass down. He swears under his breath as he reaches down to grab it, opting to keep his head up to keep any nausea at bay and paw around for it without looking. It takes a minute, but he ends up finding the coaster under the table. As he tries to pick it up, his hand also hits paper. He pulls them both up, placing the coaster where it should be and examining the paper.

It is an old ripped-out notebook page that has been folded a couple of times. It is probably just an old grocery list that fell out of his pocket, but he unfolds it anyway. Unsurprisingly, his own handwriting greets him. Surprisingly, it is not a grocery list.

He reads through it again—someone who is happy for me when things go my way, someone who I don’t need to watch my words around, someone who I can goof off with, someone who is there for me even when I can’t be there for myself, someone who I can build a family with—and looks back up. His eyes land on one of the framed photos by his TV, specifically the one of Christopher enthralled by an exhibit at the observatory.

Buck can still remember the conversation he had with Eddie when it was taken a few months ago. Eddie joked that Christopher was going to become an astronomer and Buck rebutted with an astrophysicist. After Buck took the photo, he looked over at Eddie to find him already smiling back.

Someone to build a family with. Is that not what he has already done? From the moment he introduced him to Carla—hell, maybe even when he drove Eddie to pick up Christopher after the earthquake—was he not cementing a place for Eddie and Christopher in his life?

The more Buck thinks about it, the more it all makes sense. All the days and nights he has spent at the Diaz house, to the point where Maddie assumes he will be there instead of his loft. Buck’s first thought about an event coming to the city being whether or not Christopher would like it and if they can go. The extent of Buck’s discomfort while around Ana the few times they were at Eddie’s place together.

Which brings up a new problem. Sure, Eddie and Ana did not work out, but Buck is not the only one who can see Eddie is a catch. It is practically inevitable that he will find someone else; someone who fits better than Ana. If Buck thought being around Ana was uncomfortable, he cannot imagine how he will feel around someone who Eddie actually loves.

So he can play happy little family with them all he likes, but he will be kicked to the curb when Eddie realizes Buck is taking up the space of his hypothetical partner. He knows Eddie will be nice about it—knows Eddie would not intentionally kick him out—but these things are just a consequence of having a serious relationship with someone. No one wants their partner’s best friend crashing on their couch consistently for no apparent reason.

“I don’t want to be playing House my whole life,” Buck says aloud, distress clear in his voice, as his house of cards collapses and scatters all over the floor.

In an odd moment of either sober idiocy or drunken genius, Buck gets up, determined. He knows he is still in the clothes he wore to the bar—which Maddie absolutely spilled a shot on despite her denials—and he probably smells like a distillery too.

He heads upstairs, only stumbling on a few steps, while stripping out of his clothes. He thinks he throws them in the direction of his laundry hamper, but he does not stop to check on his way to the shower. He shivers as the cold water splashes over his shoulders but is thankful for how it clears his head a little.

After a quick wipe down, he steps out and hastily dries off. He throws on some random sweats from his closet—he thinks it is an LAFD hoodie from his probie year and a pair of old sweatpants from a truck stop in New Mexico, but he does not care enough to check. He descends the stairs as fast as he dares in his still-tipsy state and grabs his keys from the floor where he threw them. He locks the door behind him as he is still slipping on his running shoes and calls an Uber.

Thirty minutes later—twenty of which were spent fighting off nausea—Buck gets out of the car and walks up to Bobby’s front door. He knocks twice on the door before remembering they have a doorbell, and then he rings that as well. He is about to ring it again a minute later but stops when he hears someone walking towards the door. It lurches open before Buck can figure out who it might be.

“Who in their right mind—Buck?” Athena says, first scolding and then concerned when she registers who is in front of her. “What’s wrong?”

It is only then that Buck realizes this probably was not his best idea. He has not looked at the time in hours, but considering he left the bar around one in the morning, it is at least two, if not later. This is only further confirmed by Athena answering the door in a robe and slippers.

“Athena, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize it was so late,” Buck stutters out as he turns to leave.

“Buck, don’t be ridiculous. It’s 2:30 am”—Buck cringes—“I’m not going to turn you out on the street. Besides, you don’t turn up unannounced at people’s front doors in the middle of the night without reason. Come on in.”

Athena steps back to let him inside. Buck follows head bowed. They descend the stairs to the living room in silence. Athena turns into the kitchen and Buck follows after a moment.

“Do you want anything? Decaf, cup of tea?” Buck looks up to answer but trips over a chair leg on his next step. He does not fall but does wince at the noise. “A glass of water it is.”

“I had one already,” Buck protests feebly. “Really, I just came to talk to Bobby and I didn’t realize it was so late.”

Athena levels him with a look and gets him settled on the couch before handing him a glass of water.

“And I would place good money to say you drank your weight in alcohol tonight. One glass isn’t going to help.” Buck nods and takes the glass silently. “I’ll get you a blanket and you’re welcome to stay the night. As far as I’m aware, Bobby doesn’t have any plans for the morning, so you can talk then.”

“Thank you, Athena,” Buck murmurs meekly, sipping at the water.

Athena rests her hand on Buck’s shoulder as she gets up and leaves the room. A moment later, she returns with a blanket.

As she hands over the blanket, she asks, “Now, do you need a puke bucket?”

Buck takes a moment to assess before shaking his head. “No, I should be fine. Thank you again.”

Athena smiles. “I would say anytime, Buck, but I don’t think either of us wants to repeat this.”

“I can’t say I do,” Buck responds. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Buck.”

Buck wakes up to bright light on his eyelids and a pounding headache. He groans and wriggles slightly in an attempt to orient himself. There is a pillow under his head and another to his right. His knees are hooked over something while his feet dangle. He groans again, bringing a hand over his eyes, and someone chuckles near his feet.

“Good morning, Buck,” Bobby greets softly. Buck groans in response. “There’s water on the table for you, and I’m just about to start breakfast.”

Buck mumbles out some approximation of thanks before squinting his eyes and sitting up. He lands with his elbows on his thighs, leaning forward towards the table. He feels like he should be embarrassed—it has been a while since he woke up with a hangover on any couch but his own—but the pounding in his head steals his concentration. He takes a sip of water, and another, before getting up to go to the bathroom.

Once he has finished drying his hands, he looks at himself in the mirror. He looks like hell. His face is puffy, and his hair is sticking up in every single direction—which serves him right since he fell asleep when it was still damp. He runs his hands under cold water, splashing some on his face and pressing his fingers into his skin to see if it might help. He writes off his hair as a lost cause though; there is no way he can fix that with anything but another shower.

When he makes it back to the living room, he hears sizzling from the kitchen and heads over to investigate, grabbing his water glass on the way. He leans up against the island and watches as Bobby cooks.

“So, I take it things got a little wild after I left?” Bobby asks while flipping the food in the pan.

Buck laughs and then winces at the sound.

“Just a little.”

Bobby had been there for the first round or two, while they were still just sitting at the table chatting. He left, wishing Buck happy birthday again, and soon after Chimney started bringing trays of shots to the table and that is all Buck remembers without the haziness of intoxication.

Bobby hums, amused, and Buck is grateful Bobby has the decency not to laugh outright. Buck watches as he grabs cutlery and two plates, then starts separating the food between the plates.

“No Athena or Harry?” Buck asks.

Bobby shakes his head. “We’ve been intending to take Harry shopping for new shoes recently and Athena said something about wanting to be out of the house for the morning. So, they’re off to the mall and won’t be home for a while. Coffee?”

“No, thank you,” Buck responds, and Bobby picks up the plates and cutlery to bring them over to the table.

They are both silently eating for a few bites before Bobby breaks the silence by asking about a funny story Maddie was recounting last night about her, Buck, and Jee-Yun. They continue to chat idly and, before long, both of their plates are finished. After his last bite, Buck places his cutlery on the plate and pushes it slightly towards the middle of the table, then places his elbows on the table.

Bobby finishes soon after and, after a moment of silence, he turns to Buck. “So, what did you want to talk about? Athena mentioned that’s why you’re here.”

Buck releases a full-body sigh, shoulders rising and falling and then dropping his head into his hands. He does not answer for a handful of seconds.

“I love him, Bobby. I’m in love with him,” Buck eventually gets out, his face still in his palms.

“Eddie,” Bobby states. Buck nods. “What about it?”

Buck lifts his head and looks at Bobby. “What?”

“Is it that it’s Eddie? That he’s a man? I—”

“No,” Buck cuts Bobby off. He continues gentler, “No, it’s not that. I’ve known for months now and probably loved him even longer. It was just—I…” Buck takes a breath before deciding to start from the beginning. “I made a list of what I want in a relationship after my breakup with Taylor, and I realized I was basically just describing Eddie and our relationship. And I don’t want to tell him because friendships always get weird when that happens. But by not telling him, I realized I’m just playing House with him as his substitute partner until he actually finds someone. I don’t want to play House and then be left with nothing in a few years.”

To Buck’s embarrassment, his voice cracks on his final sentence. Bobby, to his credit, does not mention it.

“Are you sure?”

“That he’s going to find someone? Yes. Have you met him? He’s an amazing man. Of course, he will.”

Bobby shakes his head. “No, are you sure things would get weird if you told him?”

“How could they not?” Buck asks, hopeless.

“What about Maddie and Chimney?” Bobby volleys and Buck cannot follow that train of thought right now. When Buck’s only response is a confused look, Bobby continues. “Did they not start as friends? Did Athena and I not start as friends?”

“Yeah, but that was requited.”

“One, you don’t know that yours isn’t. Two, you don’t know if someone feels the same or not until you take that step.”

Buck huffs out a sarcastic laugh. “Schrödinger’s requited love, nice.”

Bobby chuckles, “I guess you could call it that.”

Buck fiddles with the edge of his placemat while he processes everything. Realistically, he knows everything Bobby says is true. Buck has just never been in this situation before—with Taylor, they did not have that strong of a relationship before they started dating; with Ali, it was obvious where they were going from that first meeting after the earthquake; and with Abby, they both knew and it was just a matter of when. Hell, even before he got to LA, anytime a relationship progressed past platonic, it was always casual, always to blow off steam, and they both knew it. He has never had this much to lose before.

Seeming to sense his indecision, Bobby speaks.

“Love is always going to require a huge leap of faith.”

Buck shakes his head. “But it didn’t. It was a bunch of little steps. One after another every day until I looked up from my feet and we were miles from where we started.”

“The leap of faith isn’t always falling for the person.” Bobby smiles. “It can be anything. You’re trusting this person to know you almost as good or better than you know yourself and asking them to stay with you through whatever that might mean. Any lasting love is a series of these leaps throughout your lives, and they all take courage. You’re asking now if you can tell him this and trust that, even if things change, they won’t be for the worst. You’re handing him your heart and saying that you can’t control what he does with it, but asking anyway that he doesn’t drop it or neglect it to get covered in dust.”

Buck stares slack-jawed at Bobby for a moment before looking at his watch. “Can we save the life realizations until noon?”

Bobby laughs. “I’m just saying, love can be terrifying but it’s worth it. At the very least, you can say you tried.”

“So, you’re saying tell him?” Buck clarifies.

“I’m saying that love requires faith and trust. Telling him or not is not my choice to make, Buck. You know Eddie, probably better than anyone else who knows him, and you know how much faith and trust you can put in him—”

“I trust him with everything I have,” Buck blurts out without thinking. Bobby simply tips his head and raises an eyebrow. “Okay, I get it.”

“You two have a solid relationship, I doubt either of you would be willing to throw that away.”

Buck smiles and nods at Bobby. He is slightly overwhelmed and unsure of how to respond, so instead, he starts to gather the plates and stands.

“Thank you,” Buck says earnestly.

“Of course, Buck,” Bobby says as they clear the table.

Once the dishes are in the dishwasher, Buck turns to Bobby.

“Thank you. I know this wasn’t what you expected this morning, but I really appreciate it. I’m gonna get out of your hair, but thank you. Oh, and please tell Athena I’m sorry for bothering her at 2 am.”

Bobby laughs as they make their way to the front door and Buck slips on his shoes.

“I’ll let her know.”

Buck nods with a bashful smile and opens the door to leave. Just after he steps one foot out, he pauses and turns.

“You weren’t surprised when I told you it was Eddie,” Buck states.

“I know you and Eddie, Buck. Not as well as you know each other, but well enough.”

Buck nods and decides to take his chances.

“So, you might know how Eddie feels about—”

“I know nothing for certain,” Bobby says, cutting him off. “And even if I did, none of it is mine to tell. It’s the same as our talk today; if anyone knows, it is because you told them.”

Buck nods in understanding—he should have known Bobby would not say anything—and closes the door behind him.

Buck does not do anything beyond think about Bobby’s insight for a few weeks but makes his decision halfway through September. Christopher had come home from school and was not surprised to see Buck on the couch. He just casually talked about his day at school to Buck. Buck does not want to lose this, and he is done with worrying that he will. He would rather have an outright rejection than a constant question.

Despite this, Buck takes another few days to tell Eddie. He wants to plan what to say, so he does not tell Eddie that night, and they have a shift the day after, so he does not say it then either. He crashes right after their shift, sleeps until mid-afternoon, and cleans his apartment once he has woken up. While he debates cleaning his oven, Buck realizes he can play this procrastination game forever. He grabs his keys and drives to Eddie’s before thinking about it further.

His left leg jitters against the dead pedal the whole ride and his heart hammers louder every mile he gets closer to Eddie. Even with the thundering in his ears and chest, he arrives at the house sooner than he anticipated.

He gets out of the car and knocks on Eddie’s door before he can doubt himself.

“Buck?” Eddie asks when he opens the door a minute later. “It’s 11 pm, is everything okay?”

“Yes, yeah,” Buck gets out, somehow more jittery than he was on the drive over. “Sorry, I know it’s late and I’m not sticking around—”

“You’re always welcome—”

“I know, but not tonight. I just need to tell you something, but it doesn’t need to change anything.”

Oddly, Eddie deflates in his spot by the door. His shoulders slump, his face morphs from concern to resignation, and he looks ten times smaller than he did a second ago.

“Right, yeah,” he murmurs.

Buck’s eyebrows draw together in confusion, but he lets it go for now as he inhales deeply to calm his nerves one last time. He realizes, at that moment, he never did think about what to say and makes a split-second decision between easing into the conversation and diving headfirst.

“I’m in love with you,” he states. It is surprisingly easy to say after the months of agonizing over it. Eddie’s wide eyes jump up to Buck’s. “It doesn’t have to change anything. I’m not expecting you to reciprocate or anything like that. I just needed you to know. I was tired of keeping it to myself and you deserve to know that you’re loved, even if it’s not in the way you expected or return. I—”

“Buck.” Over the course of Buck’s confession, Eddie goes from dejected to shocked to hopeful. He ends up landing on confused and cuts Buck off. “Did you read the note I gave you at the beginning of last shift?”

It takes a moment for Buck to remember, but Eddie did hand him an envelope before their shift and told him to read it after. At the time, Buck assumed it was probably about an information night at Christopher’s school, but they were called out to a five-alarm fire as soon as their shift started and the note had completely slipped Buck’s mind.

“No,” Buck answers honestly. “With the five-alarm… I forgot all about it.”

For the first time since Eddie opened the door, he smiles wider than Buck has ever seen. He laughs under his breath while shaking his head slightly in disbelief. Buck is about to apologize for forgetting about it and ask what on Earth it has to do with their current conversation when Eddie speaks again.

“I was asking you out. Saying how there isn’t anyone better for me than you. Or for Chris. For the both of us. Asking if you would be open to going on a date with me to see if we could work.”

“Oh my god,” Buck says distantly. “I told you I was in love with you before our first date.”

Eddie laughs and pulls Buck closer to him by Buck’s forearm.

“I’ll forgive it,” Eddie says, still laughing slightly. They are close enough that Buck can feel the exhale on his face. “Considering that I’m in love with you too.”

Buck beams at him. In all his overthinking, he never thought he would hear Eddie say that to him. Actually, if he just tilts his head to the right a little, he probably could—

“How do you feel about kissing before the first date?” Buck asks, tilting his head. Eddie’s eyebrows raise.

“The date you still haven’t agreed to?” he asks, tone teasing.

Buck blinks. He was so caught up in the shock and elation of Eddie's revelation that he did not even realize he never agreed. An ecstatic laugh rises out of him.

“Yes, Eddie. A hundred times yes.”

“Hmm,” Eddie hums, happy but also teasing Buck. “Alright, I guess I can be convinced to kiss before the first date.”

Despite his words, Eddie is the one to wind a hand around to the back of Buck’s head and pull him in. They are smiling a little too much for it to be considered a proper kiss, but Buck thinks it is perfect anyway.

[ao3 link]

#911fic #buddie #buddie fic #evan buckley #eddie diaz #demieddie's fics #911 fic #911 bingo 2022

64 notes · View notes

galacticwildfire · 2 years ago

Text

Illicit Affairs | Obi-Wan Kenobi

Ten

Obi-Wan Kenobi x Amidala!oc

Rhea Amidala meets Obi-Wan Kenobi when he and his master come to her younger sisters aid and he discovers the queen's sister was once a Jedi, expelled from the order for her unwillingness to forgo love and attachment. The two stranded together on Tatooine find common ground despite their differences, and above all a hope within the other for something greater than themselves.

He hopes for her to rejoin the order, while she hopes for him to leave, and both are left reeling from their illicit affair, until ten years later he is once again called to her sister's service and they are catapulted into each other's lives by a war that will set them on the same path of secrecy and tragedy.

Word count: 8.4k

Tags/warnings: angst and reminiscing and fighting like a divorced couple, anakin ruining the moment, padme being done

A/N: hello from the other side

He's here.

My throat is tight and my heart is pounding in my chest, and yet I feel a smile come to my face I never expected, clearly by the surprise in his eyes he didn't either, and yet it is one he returns.

Once my heart recovers from the initial shock of seeing him I find myself utterly stunned by the physical sight of him after all these years. While I've changed little in comparison he's grown from a padawan into a man, long haired and bearded and handsome to the point it isn't fair, rivalling any man I've ever seen. Age has truly made him a sight I could have never prepared myself for.

And I know I am cursed.

"It is- it is a relief to see you," he says and no one else may as well exist as we look upon one another but they do and so I clear my throat, trying to snap myself out of this awestruck daze.

"A master now I trust?"

"Yes," he answers, the colour in his cheeks and familiar look in his eyes revealing more than they should, as flustered by the sight of me as I am by him, but it's the fondness in his voice that causes my heart to ache. "I hear they call you General on Naboo."

"Yes," I say and the very space between us is suffocating. "I am."

It's him who dares move forward and when he extends his hand I expect him to shake it as courtesy permits but I don't expect his hand to be so gentle, I don't expect him to bring it to his lips and it's all I can do to keep my eyes from falling shut at the feeling of his beard brushing my skin, at the feeling of his lips that I know far too well.

If I thought I could ever forget them, I know now that I never will.

"It has been a long time," he says unevenly and I know standing here with parted lips he can read me so clearly for I cannot hide the emotion his simple touch brings but he does not drop my hand, instead running his thumb along the side of it as we stand there unable to feel the eyes on us, consumed by the feelings rising from the never sealed grave that is our love. "Ten years."

"Ten years," I repeat, trying but unable to find the words, my throat tight and heart pounding so violently I'm sure he can feel my pulse as I finally manage to say "You look older."

"And after all these years you're even more beautiful than ever," he says with a charm that stuns me and a boldness that has not changed a bit. Padme and Anakin along with Typho look on with wide eyes as I draw a sharp breath and mercifully he lets go of my hand and I find myself struggling for breath.

Thankfully Padme breaks the tension by taking the attention away from us.

"It seems there are reunions all around today," she smiles as she looks upon Anakin. "Ani, my goodness you've grown."

"So have you," he says, taller than Obi-Wan now and tries to follow his masters example. "Grown more beautiful I mean." Obi-Wan looks at me in embarrassment before lowering his eyes as his padawan stammers. "Well, for a senator I mean."

Well, that's something else that hasn't changed and I find myself thankful for this awkward teenager taking the unbearable attention off of us, all while Typho and Jar Jar stand there awkwardly watching on. From the way Typho can't meet my eye I'm sure he heard at least part of the exchange between Padme and I, and he is hardly blind.

Padme smiles off Anakin's flirtation as I do the math, he'd have to be nineteen and certainly a handful, but Padme finds it more amusing than strange but nonetheless puts him in his place with grace. "Ani, you'll always be that little boy I knew on Tatooine."

I'm still stunned by the sight of Obi-Wan, physically the most beautiful man I've ever laid eyes on, he was handsome then but now... maker I swear any sort of self control over myself has gone out the window. But it's the connection between us as strong as it was all those years ago, if not stronger, that leaves me in this state as we head to the couches and his own voice stammers slightly as he tries to remain professional. "Our presence here will be invisible here my lady, I can assure you."

Invisible for Padme maybe, but the moment he stepped into the room all I could feel was him and it's still all I can feel, and it is the sweetest agony.

My eyes meet Obi-Wans briefly as I sit down beside Padme who carefully looks me over to ensure I'm not about to do another runner as Typho introduces himself. "I'm Captain Typho of Her Majesty's security service. Queen Jamillia has been informed of your assignment. I am grateful you're here Master Kenobi. The situation is more dangerous than the senator will admit."

"I don't need more security when I have Rhea," Padme says and I remember the matter at hand and makes me proud as she declares "I already have one Jedi, what I need is answers. I want to know who's trying to kill me."

"There is no doubt of course that your sister is more than capable of protecting you, she is a brilliant combatant as I would know well," Obi-Wan says quickly as if he'd had those words rehearsed and I realise he was just as nervous as I about this, but the next words don't go over anywhere near as well. "But our mandate is to protect you, not to start an investigation."

He must see the look that crosses my face for he quickly looks away and I blink at him in pure disbelief. "What?"

"Our mandate is to protect the Senator," Obi-Wan attempts to explain but rephrasing it doesn't make it better.

"But how can you protect her without starting an investigation?" I ask, and a bitterness washes over me as I remember he is still a Jedi, still bound to follow the council's orders. "What purpose do you serve if not to find the attacker?"

"Rhea-" Obi-Wan begins until Anakin interrupts.

"We will find out who is trying to kill you Padme," he says, utterly lovestruck. "I promise you."

"We will not exceed our mandate my young padawan learner," Obi-Wan chastises and I let out a dangerous laugh that has him grimacing at his choice of words.

"What?" I exclaim, taken aback by his reluctance after how he hard we both fought last time to protect her. "Your mandate is to protect my sister and until her attacker is dead that mandate has not been fulfilled. If you will not start an investigation then I will."

"Rhea," he sighs, meeting my eyes and his voice lowers to a plea. "You know I will do everything I can for you and your sister, but the council-"

"I don't care what the council says," I say pointedly, he knows better than anyone why and I shake off Padme's hand that attempts to pacify me and decide. "I will be taking the lead on this investigation and you will be following my orders."

Obi-Wan leans forward towards me, appealing to the history we have as he begins "Rhea, we are here to protect your sister just as you trusted me to do all those years ago and I need you to trust me now."

"I do," I say sharply, Anakin and Padme being the ones sharing a glance as I clear my throat, struggling to look at him. "But I do not have the patience or the time for the orders protocol. If you do not wish to start an investigation then that is fine, but there will be an investigation regardless of what the council says and you'll make yourselves useful by doing as I tell you."

He looks at me in frustration, but there's a dash of pride to it as he remarks with just a hint of a smile playing at his lips "Well you haven't changed a bit."

"She's right," Anakin says, arguing back to his master and that smile quickly disappears. "Why else do you think we were assigned to her if not to find the killer? Protection is a job for local security, not Jedi. It's overkill master, investigation is implied in our mandate."

"Your padawan is wise Ben," I say, amused at how he truly has lived up to Qui-Gons nickname for him. "You should listen to him."

"We will do exactly as the council has instructed," Obi-Wan says irritably as he turns his head back towards me, mistakenly speaking to me with the authoritative tone of a master. "And Rhea, please do not encourage him."

"I'm not encouraging him to disrespect you Master Kenobi, but merely supporting him in his independent thinking even if it differs from the council," I reply, tilting my head at my old lover as I raise a taunting eyebrow. "Surely Obi-Wan, you can sympathise."

His voice changes at those words "You know I do."

There is no frustration in his eyes, not even annoyance, but a visible pain at those words and my face falls as his eyes meet mine and I see that same boy I left all those years ago, his pain suddenly becoming my own as that wound I caused so many years ago is torn open, the tension unbearable until Padme wisely interrupts.

"Perhaps with merely your presence the mystery surrounding this threat will be revealed." She stands, ending this meeting before it can escalate into a fight. "Now if you will excuse me I will retire." I go to follow her but she looks back at me, not letting me run away as she not so subtly orders. "Perhaps you should discuss your investigation with Master Kenobi."

I take a deep breath, cursing her as she leaves and I look at Typho who's most certainly picked up on the underlying tension in the room as he tells Obi-Wan. "I know I'll feel better having you here, even if the General is hesitant of the need for extra security." He gives me an anxious glance before telling both of us "I'll have an officer stationed on every floor and I'll be in the control centre downstairs. I'll uh- I'll leave you and the General to talk details."

He can't leave quickly enough and Obi-Wan and I stand there several feet apart, hearing Anakin lamenting to Jar Jar who can't be more oblivious.

"She hardly even recognised me Jar Jar," he says but it's at his next words my eyes fall to the floor. "I've thought about her every day since we parted, she's forgotten me completely."

I know if I look at him now he'd know Anakin is not the only one in that predicament, and so I keep my eyes on the floor as Obi-Wan goes to him and lectures "You're focusing on the negative Anakin." But yet I can feel his eyes on me as he says "Be mindful of your thoughts. You've made a commitment to the Jedi Order, a commitment not easily broken."

I can't help the bitter laugh that escapes me and against my better judgement I meet his eye, unspoken words lingering between us and I walk towards the balcony before I can do something I regret, the mere feeling of him in the same space as me after all these years utterly overwhelming. Ten years and yet the feeling of him somehow feels stronger than it ever did, and it is maddening.

As much as I hate to admit it Padme's right. My feelings never disappeared, these past handful of years I could think of him without wanting to run to him but that didn't mean I didn't still wish things were different. For ten years no one could ever hold a candle to him, I always knew it so what was the point of trying? I never did try despite Sola's encouragement, because I never wanted anyone else, because there was no one else that could fill the void he left, only him.

And here he is.

Already I know this won't end well.

Every piece of my intuition is telling me I should start praying now for I am surely cursed.

Obi-Wan

After arranging the proper security measures and giving us both a moment to breathe I let myself follow her. She stands on the balcony looking out at the setting sun, bringing me back to that moment so many years ago on Tatooine. As much of a sight now as she was then, if not more so.

She feels me watching and looks back at me with a hard to read look in her eyes, frustration almost, and I fear she'll resort to anger as a defence and yet her voice is soft, strained. "Hi."

"Hello," I reply, her eyes struggle to meet mine and so I come and stand by her side, myself at a loss for words. "Ten years."

Ten years since I lost her as quickly as I found her. Since she she kissed me goodbye and tore herself away. I walked into that council meeting expecting her to return home with me, but instead I lost her forever.

Or so I thought.

Even then, just watching her from afar brought back more feelings than I could have anticipated, so I know this mission may well be the end of me considering one look from her was all it took for all my defences to be rendered obsolete. One look, one touch and suddenly I was twenty five again.

"Ten years," she repeats, her voice heavy. "You look different."

"You haven't changed a bit," I say taking her in. She is older, that much is a fact, but still the same except somehow more extraordinarily beautiful than when I last laid eyes on her. Still that fiery woman who burned with an intensity unlike anything I've ever felt. That much is undeniable after having one conversation with her, and yet it feels as if there's no more fitting way to reunite than with an argument and I cannot help myself after Anakin cheapened the moment. "Except you truly are more beautiful than ever."

Her cheeks flush but there's pain in her eyes. "Oh Obi-Wan, I've changed more than you could ever know." Her voice is sad, something it never was before, and it leaves me concerned. "Some days I hardly recognise myself in the mirror." She looks at me, taking me in. "You've grown stupidly handsome but you're still the same Obi-Wan I knew aside from being intolerably authoritative, albeit more charming than awkwardly sweet."

Those words bring a smile to my face, very well remembering my struggles to be the former rather than the latter, and the fact that after all this time that is her physical impression of me, stupidly handsome. It's certainly a compliment I'll take.

"Except with ten years of grief and the unrelenting stress of having Anakin as a padawan," I say and she laughs, gladly I use him as a scapegoat in this moment knowing it's nothing he wouldn't confess himself. "He can't keep his eyes off your sister."

She certainly can't argue with that. "Well it seems she made an impression on him."

"You Amidala sisters have a habit of doing that," I say, remembering what I told her. That I'd never be able to watch a sunset without remembering her. An unfortunate fact that remains true to this day. "So, from Jedi to general."

I wonder if she's kept tabs on me the way I have on her, although that would be near impossible for her to do as I have done. She's a public figure after all and I exist nowhere outside of the temple. Although for a while after that day in the senate her name was all I heard with the council in a fit believing she'd somehow go and join another rogue idealist like Dooku. Some have even gone as far as to call her dangerous, hence Master Windu's caution now. Little will she ever know how hard I've fought against those accusations.

"Yes, after the invasion I was determined to ensure it would never happen again and found myself a general of an army I was responsible for," she says as if she's not quite sure how she got there herself, as if it is not something that fulfills her and there's an urgency to her voice "I have long done very little as general, but I suspect that will soon change." She says what I have been thinking for the last months. "War is coming Obi-Wan. With the attempt on my sister's life I can feel it."

"As can I," I reluctantly admit, it has already brought me back into her path and I try to appeal to what we once shared, or rather still share as it seems, to ease her worries. "I promise Rhea that we will uncover the truth behind all this."

"Then why won't you do as Anakin says and begin an investigation?" she argues, as passionate as ever, something I've always admired and I've certainly felt that passion at it't best and worst.

And so I know my answer will only anger her "The council-"

"Fuck the council," she says, not even angry, but exhausted, tired. That concerns me deeply, but she still has enough fight in her to bring up our shared past to press her point. "You've been willing to defy them in far greater ways than simply starting an investigation."

I was willing to, for her I was. "That was a long time ago Rhea." She nods, and I swear I see her blinking away tears. "I'm sorry if my presence here has upset you."

"It was a surprise that's for sure," she admits, and I begin to suspect from the panic I sensed when I entered the apartment she didn't have much notice. "Padme would have refused it if it were not such a great matter."

I did wonder in the elevator if Padme knew the truth, I am still unsure if she would have refused over Rhea's views on the council or something more personal. "Yes well, I did warn the council you would not be happy about this."

There's a shadow of a smile on her lips as she looks at me "You did?"

"Well," I say, leaning against the balcony. "I do know you Rhea, but my objections would have only raised more questions than I'd be willing to answer."

"So you were forced to take the assignment," she realises, not angry, but curious. That is something I've missed, her curiosity that made life seem like so much more than it was. She raises her eyebrows playfully as she says "Well, I can imagine the council would not have liked to hear those answers."

I can't help the warmth that spreads through me "No, they would have not." She looks away to hide a smile and I tell her the thought that's kept me grounded through this "We always knew one day we'd be brought back together for a greater purpose, and perhaps this is it."

She shakes her head like it's some great irony. "I may have believed that for some time but after ten years that faith fades."

Mine never did despite how I tried to force myself to believe otherwise for the sake of peace. "Yet here we are."

"Here we are," she repeats and looks at me, her eyes no longer playful, but struggling to hide the pain she truly feels. "I never thought I'd see you again."

Her voice is strained, as is mine as I confess. "Neither did I, but I'm glad I was given this assignment so I could see you again."

A stupid reason for it, almost as foolish as Anakin floundering after Padme, but it's the truth. After all these years the last thing I want is to lie to her, even if it means feeling things I shouldn't, acting on them if it will mean she'll trust me with this mission.

But that would be another lie, I'd be acting on them for the sake of wanting to, a lapse of self control only she seems to bring about.

"I didn't think you'd want to see me again," she says and my eyebrows furrow.

"Why would you think that?"

She laughs sadly. "Do I really need to explain?" She doesn't, but I never expected the guilt that I feel from her, the undercurrent of remorse I too have shared. "I left you."

"The council made that decision for us," I tell her and with those words I swear I see tears in her eyes and watch her lip tremble, wondering how long she's waited to hear them for. "Even if they hadn't, we may have cared for one another but it would never have lasted."

Now she's the one who's confused, the one who's hurt. "Why's that?"

I choose my next words carefully. "Not because of any fault with you, but the secrecy, the lying, we could never have lasted."

She nods in understanding and admits "But sometimes I wish we tried." Before I can gather words she clears her throat "But we aren't here to talk about that, we're here because people are trying to kill my sister, whether it's the Separatists or someone else, someone wants her dead."

"The Separatists?" I repeat, that being new information to me, I know from her meeting with the council it is what Padme suspects, but not Rhea. "Why do you suspect them if they should be benefitting from your sister opposing the Military Creation Act."

Her eyes fall and immediately I know there is something she is not saying.

"Rhea." My eyes narrow as I feel a flash of panic through the force and realise the council may not have been completely mistaken in their belief something is amiss. "Is there something you know?"

She looks up into the distance, fingertips turning white as she grips the balcony. "It is late, you should rest."

"I cannot rest while on duty," I say, recognising deflection, especially from her. "What is it you know?"

She still refuses to reveal anything. "You don't need to worry."

"If it is to do with your sister's safety I absolutely have to worry," I argue and she flinches and so I quickly soften my voice. "Rhea we must work together on this, which means you must be honest with me."

She looks at me with a raised eyebrow, trying to be playful. "You truly do sound like a Jedi Master, although more attractive than the average one."

"Rhea," I say deflecting her attempt at distraction and she sighs. "What aren't you telling me?"

What she says next shocks me. "I- I think it might be Dooku."

"What do you mean it's Dooku? Count Dooku?"

"Yes," she says and leans back against the balcony railing. "I- he made threats against her but I-" she cuts herself off. "He made threats, and I believe that my sisters opposition is only stopping him from what he wants, which is war."

"How- how do you know this," I stammer and slowly realise something is truly amiss and she can't look at me. Those rumours I heard, accusations from the council of her being a Separatist... they aren't all lies.

"I once thought we were likeminded, me and the Separatists," she begins and my head falls at those words and I drag a hand over my beard to try to hide whatever it is that is written on my face in this moment. "But I was wrong and we need to find the truth, we need to find who committed this attack so I can kill them."

I blink at her, taken aback by how matter of factly she says it "Kill them?"

"Yes," she answers, and I reach out into the force to make sure that there is no darkness, and I find little, but she feels it and looks at me in alarm as she realises what I'm doing. "Are you truly trying to sense if I've succumbed to-"

"No, no," I quickly insist even if it's a lie, more than anything shocked her senses are attuned enough to have picked up on it with no training. "I just- it's been a long ten years, I can't presume to know what has happened or how you feel."

She purses her lips and gives a stiff nod, as if she doesn't blame me for it. "I just want to protect my sister, nothing else, and I can assure you my attachments have not turned me to the darkside."

"I know," I assure her, alarmed by the defensiveness in her voice and tell her "I believed you were an exception to the code and I still do."

"Exception?" she repeats, like it's a joke. "The only exception is that I got out, no matter how badly you wanted me to return."

I did. From the moment I knew she was once part of the order I believed I could bring her back, my hope in her never wavered, which is why I was blindsided so harshly when the council refused to take her back. I expected her to fight, but it was her acceptance that shocked me most, how this fighter so easily walked away while I was prepared to fight for her.

"I did want you to return," I tell her, looking down at her hand. "And I thought you did too."

She dares to move her hand closer to mine until they just barely touch. "I have my regrets and despite wishing I could still be a Jedi I never wanted to return to the order, but I would have for you."

Her boldness strikes me as much as it did when I first met her. Bold and discerning, fearless and daring, striking and vivid. Such a strong spirit in those brown eyes of hers. That has not changed a bit. Yet her willingness to walk away left me blindsided, even if she had to tear herself away. One moment she was there in my arms with unspoken promises, and the next gone.

"Then why did you walk away?" I find myself asking her despite my better judgement, something she's always had a habit of affecting. "Why didn't you fight? Why didn't you ask-" I cut myself off, but she knows. She always knows.

She looks at me and there is no mistaking the tears in her eyes now as she tells me "I did want to, I wanted to more than anything." There it is, the truth. She wasn't as strong as she made me believe she was, she didn't believe the words she was saying after all. "I never wanted to return to the order with you Obi-Wan, I wanted you to leave to be with me. Before the council allowed him to join the order I prayed that you would leave to train Anakin." I move to take her hand in mine before she pulls it away. "But that is not what fate had planned."

She never told me this, never even gave an indication that is what she wanted, for me to leave the order for her. Satine, a year I spent with her as her protector and would have left in a heart beat if she asked me. But Rhea... our time together was so short, yet it was all consuming, brief but what I felt for her was the strongest thing I've ever felt in my life. Even if I cannot make sense of it.

I wanted to leave, all I needed was her word.

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" I ask her, remembering the boy I was, the boy who had lost his master and clung to her. "I- if I knew..."

"I said nothing because I was falling in love with you," she confesses and looks away. "And it was not fair to ask you to abandon everything you'd ever known for a girl you barely knew, I couldn't let you give it all up because of me."

"Rhea," I breathe reaching for her but we're interrupted by Anakin.

"Master," Anakin says, very aware he just walked in on something and apologises for perhaps the first time in living memory "I'm sorry but I'm having trouble checking the security."

"Here, let me," Rhea says taking the opportunity to head inside and Anakin looks between us.

"She doesn't seem happy to see you."

"No, she doesn't," I acknowledge, knowing after ten years we never quite planned on this day despite knowing it would come. I don't know what I expected, but somehow it only seems right that it is not what I anticipated. "But that does not matter, what matters is protecting her sister."

Anakin nods and says "I remember when I was younger asking about her, I was always confused why they never let her back into the order after you two killed the sith lord."

That day still haunts me, watching my master be cut down, watching Rhea be strangled within an inch to her life. All while I could only stand and watch helpless. Still it haunts my nights, the desperation to get to them in time, only to fail.

"I remember you telling me she was going to come back with us." His voice is quiet now, seeing me vulnerable in a way I've never wanted him to. "You still want her to, don't you?"

"That would be problematic," I say quietly, not wanting to elaborate more. "We best check the security systems."

We head inside and find Rhea watching the monitors she had installed, with her back to us I can't help how my eyes wander at the sight of her bare back, remembering too well how it feels to run my fingers along it, her skin exposed by the low cut back of the crimson jumpsuit she wears.

The memories make me swallow hard, trying to force back how I kissed along her spine but just before I can tear my eyes away I catch white scars that were not there then. Healed but still visible, scars that appear to be- burns? Cautiously I step closer, close enough that in the artificial light I can see what I could only ever recognise as a lightsaber burn, and then I see more scars, small cuts littered along the back of her arms, recent, as if they were caused by shattered glass.

Rhea. What have you been doing these past years? Involved with Separatists and now... a dark thought crosses my mind, one that I quickly dismissed, having refuted such a thing to the council time and time again, but now...

No, she would have told me. Even if she considered it for a moment she would have come to me.

"Typho has his team of guards at the entrance, and surveillance is all active," she tells us, her saber at her hip alongside her blaster after all these years and it leaves me cautious. "They'll expect me to be here with her but the last thing they would expect are Jedi."

Her braid falls back over her shoulder and I still remember pulling it free, how soft it felt between my fingers, how she smelled as I kissed her shoulder. Ten years and I have never been able to forget it.

"I don't like the thought of just waiting for something to happen to her," Anakin says and Rhea raises an eyebrow as she looks back at him and I quickly realise Anakin's feelings for the senator may become a problem.

"Don't you worry Anakin, she is in good hands," she says, her eyes coming to rest on me as if she can feel my apprehension, as if her senses are that attuned she can feel the shift in me after seeing the scars and I realise she indeed can as she moves away from the security footage and asks "Obi-Wan, a moment."

I nod for Anakin to leave us, him no doubt checking the cameras in Padme's bedroom, and it's not until he's gone that I can sense the fear in her and know something is not right.

And so I put aside the questioning for now.

Rhea

I look at him and hate how he sees through me so easily. Despite concealing my force signature enough he wouldn't suspect I've done seven years of training he still knows something isn't right.

"What is it?" he asks me, and upon seeing the suspicion in his eyes give him just enough he won't ask more than what I want to give.

"I'm afraid these attacks may also be targeted towards me."

He's confused, but deep down I know he suspects it, even if he can't believe it. "How could they be?"

Very reluctantly I admit "I had business with Dooku and the Separatists that came to a bad end." Political business, that is acceptable enough, but for him to know I apprenticed for a Sith lord who wanted to use me, to manipulate me into turning him against the order... that is something that cannot be so easily forgiven. "They want war, I tried to prevent it. They'll want me dead as much as her, if not more."

He gapes at me in a mix of horror and disbelief "Dead?"

I nod, but can't bring myself to admit the truth that's quickly become my greatest shame. "I made mistakes and in my efforts to rectify them I have made myself a target."

His frustration catches me off guard "And you thought only now was the best time to inform me of this?"

Those words immediately make me go on the defensive.

"I'm sorry you've been here all of what, two hours?" I exclaim, not knowing when I could have even brought this up before now. "I'm sorry I didn't greet you with 'Hello there Obi-Wan, it's been ten years since I tore both our hearts out but before we get to that let me tell you about everyone who wants me dead," I mock using his accent to his offence and lower my voice. "Padme just about murdered me when she found out I wasn't the biggest fan of the Republic and had perhaps sat in on some of Dooku's meetings out of curiosity." That was how it started at least. "I couldn't now tell her that the consequences of my actions have been this dire. She- she still doesn't know the half of it."

And whatever illusion he had of me is shattered, and perhaps it's the change in his eyes as he looks at me that wounds me more than anything else.

"No one, not even Typho knows?" he asks, even more frustrated. "The person responsible for yours and your sisters lives."

"Yes."

"So I'm the only person who knows you're at the top of Dooku's hit list?"

"Yes."

"Good god, Rhea," he exclaims, pacing around the room. "How? How do you get yourself into a mess this deep?"

And I've only just touched the tip of the iceberg.

"That's a long story."

His hands are on his hips now as he says "We have time."

No, no we don't, and so I find any excuse to get out of it.

"I need to check on Padme."

I walk away and he yells out after me "This conversation is not finished Rhea!"

"Yes it is!" I yell back as he marches after me.

"You cannot drop a bomb like this and then not explain yourself!"

"I don't owe you an explanation!" I argue, making a beeline for Padme's bedroom until he catches up to me and grabs my wrist. "Obi-Wan I'm warning you-"

"And I'm warning you," he says and turns me around to face him, both of us immediately taken aback by the lack of distance between us and suddenly he struggles to keep his authoritative tone, his voice dropping to a quiet plea. "You need to be honest with me."

I hate it, because I know I don't have a choice, not when it involves Padme. "There's things that if I told you you'd never be able to look at me the same."

"Rhea, it's us," he grits out. "There's nothing that you can't tell me."

He confided his indiscretions and doubts and fears in me, and I did the same. We were always able to be honest with one another.

"There is no us Obi-Wan," I try to insist, to find my way out of this. "There hasn't been for ten years."

"Then for the sake of what we had," he appeals and I can tell he hates this as much as I do as he says "For the sake of what we were to each other, trust me."

Almost seven years ago now I went to him, prepared to tell him my fears for the very sake of what he's appealing on now. Fears that if I'd confided in him then... I never would have made the decisions that I did.

"I fucked up, bad."

"How bad?" he asks me and his grip on my wrist quickly loosens once he realises how tight it is and there's an apology in his eyes that I ignore as I grip his hand tight.

"Bad," I breathe and struggle with words. "I can't let her get hurt because of my mistakes."

I look back to Padme's room only to feel his knuckle gently come to brush my cheek as he turns my face back to his and that very touch destroys something in me. "Rhea, breathe," he tells me, knuckle gently caressing my cheekbone. "Whatever it is, all will be well."

And yet it's all a distant memory compared to him standing here now touching me after all these years and I ask as I lean into his touch "How is it that after ten years, one touch from you and it all comes rushing back?"

"I wish I knew myself," he tells me and I wait for him to pull his hand away, to do the noble thing but he doesn't. "But perhaps we'll find out."

Lost in his eyes I could confess my darkest sins without hesitation, but I feel it the moment before he does.

"Padme!" I yell as I run to her room, busting open the door with Anakin and Obi-Wan following, I pull out my saber but it's Anakin who jumps onto the bed with his saber already drawn, cutting apart what appear to be worms and my eyes catch the droid by the window.

I run forward but Obi-Wan beats me to it, crashing through the glass.

"Obi-Wan!" I yell out at the madman, swinging from the droid above the city and I raise my blaster to shoot it down but know I can't do that without Obi-Wan getting killed.

"Stay here!" Anakin orders Padme, disappearing into the hallway as Padme's security runs in and I make the decision to follow Anakin in the absence of Obi-Wan.

"Don't you dare jump out a window! I yell out after him, cursing under my breath at Obi-Wan as I follow him out onto the rooftop to the speeders.

"Get in!" he yells and I jump in, remembering he was a good enough pilot at nine he took down a Trade Federation ship, but the moment he takes off I'm holding on for dear life, navigating his way through the traffic while I look for that idiot.

They expected extra security, so they tried to poison her instead... whoever wants her dead they aren't going to stop. Finally I catch a large mass falling from the sky and then realise "Shit- Anakin!"

He manages to catch Obi-Wan, and I'm cursing at him as I lift myself up so he can sit down, now awkwardly placed on his lap in the two seater.

"Ow!" Obi-Wan yells out as I slap his chest.

"You bloody madman!"

"Yell at me later, Anakin follow that speeder!" he orders pointing at it and has the audacity to ask "What took you so long!"

"Well master I couldn't find a speeder I really liked with the open cockpit and the right speed capabilities-"

"If you spent as much time practising your saber techniques as you did your wit you would rival master Yoda as a swordsman!" Obi-Wan grabs my waist with both hands to keep me from flying out as Anakin takes a sharp turn upwards.

"I thought I already did."

"Only in your mind my-"

"Shut up!" I snap at them as I draw my blaster. "Anakin keep the speeder steady."

I line up the speeder in my sights which then takes a full turn downwards and now I'm the one grabbing onto Obi-Wan as Anakin follows, swearing the entire time until Obi-Wan interrupts.

"Language dear."

"Damn you, Obi-Wan," I gasp out as he pulls me down into his lap by the waist to keep me safe as Anakin gets dangerously close to causing an accident with his flying.

"Anakin, pull up!" Obi-Wan yells out while Anakin laughs beside us. "Pull up!"

It's only when I slap Anakin's arm with a force that isn't joking he does it and don't know how Obi-Wan hasn't gone grey yet after spending five minutes with the kid.

"You know I don't like it when you do that!"

"Sorry Master," Anakin says and teases. "I forgot, you don't like flying."

"I don't mind flying but when you do it it's suicide!"

We get back on the speeders trail and Obi-Wan holds my waist tight to keep me from stable as I use the windshield to line my blaster up at the speeder again, cranking it to full power, trying to get a shot at the weak spots in the armour that protects the engine only for them to shoot at the electricity lines creating an electric blockade, Obi-Wan's yelling out as Anakin drives us through it and my one thought at that very moment is how the hell these two haven't gotten themselves killed yet.

Just as we're recovering from the shocks Anakin changes course and loses the speeder.

"What are you doing? He went that way!"

"Master, if we keep the chase going any longer that creep's gonna end up deep fried," Anakin says like he's not the reason Padme covered the security camera's in her room. "And personally I'd like very much to find out who he is and who he's working for."

"Well I'd like him dead," I retort, standing up to try to locate the speeder until Obi-Wan pulls me back down into his lap, one very specific memory of him having me in this position coming to mind except it was far more pleasurable. "Bastard."

"Language dear," Obi-Wan says again as Anakin takes a new route while I'm trying to ignore the feeling of something pressing into me and I curse myself knowing those thoughts are not the ones I need right now.

"This is a short cut, I think."

It in fact is not a shortcut.

Obi-Wan's still holding me firmly in his lap and I'm holding onto him in return, knowing if I don't with Anakin's flying it won't end well, that is until we finally come to a stop, the speeder nowhere in sight.

"Well you've lost him."

"I'm deeply sorry master."

"That was some short cut Anakin, he went completely the other way. Once again you've proved-"

"If you'll excuse me." Anakin very willingly throws himself out of the ship to avoid the lecture and Obi-Wan and I both jump up, peering over the side to see him free falling.

"I hate it when he does that."

"Move over," I say sliding into the vacant seat.

"What are you doing?"

"Flying," I answer, taking control of the speeder. "Hold on."

He doesn't need to be told twice and Anakin successfully falls onto the speeder we're chasing with us following suit.

"I swear he's going to be the death of me," Obi-Wan comments like he isn't as mad as Anakin.

"You jumped out of a window!" I yell at Obi-Wan. "And you wonder where the kid learned it from."

"I survived," he dismisses, guiding me. "That way!"

We follow behind the speeder, an object being hurled at us only for Obi-Wan to catch it and find its Anakins saber. Blaster shots are fired and the speeder begins falling until it crashes, with Anakin in better shape than the speeder, only to immediately find himself in a foot chase.

"You bloody madmen," I find myself muttering as I try to find a place to land the speeder. "Alright, let's go."

He helps me out of the speeder, us immediately chasing after Anakin and finding him about to enter a bar.

"She went into the club Master!"

"Patience," Obi-Wan says, with far more patience than he ever had ten years ago. "Use the force. Think."

"Sorry master."

"He went in there to hide, not run." Obi-Wan hands Anakin his saber. "Next time try not to lose it."

"Yes master."

"This weapon is your life."

"Right," I say throwing my braid over my shoulder and adjusting my halter neck, fixing my jumpsuit and trying to look like I haven't been clinging on for dear life as we walk in and I grin knowing I have some memories here. "Drinks?"

"Why do I get the feeling you're going to be the death of me?" I hear Obi-Wan murmur as we walk in.

"Don't say that dear, we've only just gotten started," I reply, looking around the room.

"I meant Anakin but yes, you too."

I smile but Anakin says "Don't say that master you're the closest thing I have to a father."

"Then why don't you listen to me?"

We look around the bar and I ask "Can you see him?"

"I think he is a she," Anakin tells us. "And I think she is a changeling."

"In that case be extra careful," Obi-Wan advises, looking around. "Go find her."

"Where are you going Master?"

"For a drink," Obi-Wan says, his patience becoming exhausted and I follow, confused by Obi-Wan's sudden urge to drink until attributing it to Anakin and the need for us to blend in, especially him since he can't possibly look anymore like a jedi.

I sit on a barstool while Obi-Wan stands beside me and orders us each a shot.

"Well, we survived Anakin's flying," he remarks, watching our surroundings out of his peripheral. "Only got electrocuted."

"I don't know how the two of you haven't gotten yourselves killed between that flying and jumping out of windows."

"To be perfectly honest neither do I," he admits, neither of us having a moment to rest before a sleazy looking man comes up to me.

"Where you sleeping tonight baby?"

"Not with you," Obi-Wan answers before I have an opportunity to break a wrist and the guy doesn't try to mess with him, quickly leaving and I just sit there amused. "You get that often?"

"Yes but no one's ever successful," I reply knowing I have a certain appeal and tease "Makes you the exception there."

His cheeks flush and Obi-Wan says to the bartender. "The lady has had enough to drink."

"Oh no I have not," I say, after today needing something in my system. "Two shots."

He slides two towards me and I go to offer one up to Obi-Wan before downing both of them out of spite.

"Alright, maybe I deserved that," he acknowledges. "I apologise if I spoke out of turn there."

So that's what he's apologising for, not his forwardness or recklessness, but intervening in someone giving me attention.

"Not at all," I say, eyeing him. "It's just funny."

He's still keeping an eye out as he humours me "How's it funny?"

The liquor certainly does wonders as I say "That it's been ten years and you're jealous."

He scoffs "Of a local bar creep?"

"Do you deny it?" I ask him and know I have him caught there.

"Jealousy is not the way of the Jedi," he says and now I truly laugh. "What?"

Perhaps it's the liquor or the adrenaline that causes me to ask "So if I went and kissed somebody right now you wouldn't blink an eye?"

"I don't know, is there anybody worth being jealous of?" he asks with a raised eyebrow and I realise he's actually worried there is.

"Perhaps," I answer just to see how he reacts and I watch his adam's apple move as he swallows hard at those words before deciding to not be cruel. "But that would be a lie."

He's surprised as much as relieved "Ten years and no one has claimed you as their own?"

"Ten years of me breaking the wrists of anyone who touches me first," I answer and he seems proud, almost as if he was aware. "And all the others run before I get the chance."

"But not me?" he asks, fingertips running over my wrist, daring to meet me in my forwardness.

"No, not you," I say and at those words I notice a woman eyeing Obi-Wan from her stool and with a flick of my finger I turn her stool back around and he laughs.

"What was that you just said about jealousy?"

"Shut up," I laugh and he actually laughs with me, both of us aware of our current predicament.

Like ten years ago was just yesterday.

A dealer comes up to us and it seems we cannot have a moment to ourselves "You want to buy some death sticks."

I watch amused as Obi-Wan uses the force "You don't want to sell me death sticks."

"I don't want to sell you death sticks."

"You want to go home and rethink your life."

"I want to go home and rethink my life."

I laugh and remark "Now is that appropriate use of a mind trick?"

"Absolutely," he answers, smiling with me. "You can't tell me you've never used it for worse purposes?"

"Perhaps," I smile and look out for Anakin. "That Padawan of yours is trouble."

"Oh I know, you don't need to tell me that."

It's then we both feel it and a moment later we both have our sabers out, disarming the assassin through removing her hands and it's me that rough handles her outside with my saber at her throat as I chuck her to the ground.

"Do you know who it was you were trying to kill?" Obi-Wan asks, keeping a hand on my arm to stop me from killing her first.

"A senator for Naboo," she groans out.

"Why are you trying to kill her?" I ask with a saber by her neck. "Who hired you?"

"It's just a job."

"Yeah I don't think so," I say and warn. "They might be Jedi but I'm not, tell me before I kill you."

I need to know, I need to know if it was Dooku. If he was bluffing, just messing with my head when he threatened Padme or if he'd truly hurt her. If he did it to keep her silent or if it was part of some deal.

But she isn't willing to die for a job. "It was a bounty hunter called-" She's suddenly shot and we look to see a man disappearing with a jetpack from a nearby rooftop and she's dead just a moment later, the assailants name dying with her.

"A toxic dart," Obi-Wan observes and we look at each other knowing our investigation has only just begun.

#obi wan kenobi x oc #illicit affairs #wildfirewildflower #obi wan kenobi x amidala!oc #obi wan kenobi x f!oc #obi wan kenobi x original character #obi-wan kenobi x oc #obi-wan kenobi x original character #obi-wan kenobi fanfiction #obi wan kenobi fanfiction

58 notes · View notes

youryanderedaddy · 4 years ago

Text

Yandere! Butler x Princess!reader

tw: female reader, obsessive/possessive behaviour, provocative behaviour (reader), implied non - con, silght self - hate (situational)

Maybe you weren't the most mature among your siblings - you weren't the smartest one, the strongest one or even the most elegant one and on top of that you were the youngest child. The princess in the shadows, the cliche old as time of the heir last to the throne, forgotten and neglected by everyone. Except for him.

Perhaps you had done something wrong this time - everyone called you spoilt, ungrateful, out of line before, but now they wouldn't even come to visit you, leaving you all alone with your thoughts. You soon came to the conclusion that no matter how annoying you had been in the past weeks, you didn't deserve this sort of punishment. You hadn't seen your family for a long time now and you were starting to miss them. Your butler had almost taken the role of a caregiver, bringing you food, lecturing you and informing you of everything happening outside of your small pink room. It was frustrating, infuriating - you weren't a child anymore yet you were treated like one. You were sure it was one of your father's doings, no one else would be cruel enough to put you under home arrest - you were royalty after all.

"Is it because of what I said to the Nordan prince on the Royal supper last month?" You asked Leo while he was folding your white shirts for the third time today. You briefly recalled telling the foreigner to fuck off when he tried to kiss your hand, absolutely creeped out by his flirty behavior. But the butler simply shook his head without lifting his gaze off the clothes and kept working.

"Is it because I tried to bring my baby tiger to the spring ball?" You tried to guess again, looking through your memories for all the little tricks you had pulled these months. You never thought of yourself as a troublemaker but your parents usually pointed otherwise. The butler parted his lips in a slight smile and looked straight at you with his deep piercing eyes, unnaturally warm despite their cold gray colour.

"I can't share this sort of information with you, My lady." He replied softly and discreetly fixed his glove - but you noticed anyways. The man never hesitated to notify you of the latest trends and gossip from the High Court, but became so secretive when it came to your family and their decisions. You didn't want to take it personally as you knew well that a part of his job was to be cautious and careful with sensitive information - but this involved you directly and you desperately needed to know why you were forbidden from leaving your room.

After a few long minutes the boredom took over and you signed dramatically, laying down on the soft puffy white sheets, embroidered with golden and red string.

"I want to do it." You admitted loudly, stretching your arms to the side. No one of importance could hear so you didn't care about manners or decency. "Find me a lover." You ordered firmly, staring at the silent man across the bed. Some twisted part of you wished to see him flustered, red-faced at your provocative request, but surprisingly, this wasn't the case.

Leo's expression remained strict and professional, his demeanor - perfectly elegant. The only hint that he had heard your command was him slowly approaching you, eyes set on your frame.

"You have never asked for such a thing before, My lady." He pronounced clearly, now standing right in front of you. The man was so close you could make out the golden buttons on his black classic coat and the bitter disappointment in his pupils. "Please, remember your position." He continued, his voice breaking out of its learned monotone robotic tone for a single moment, but the words were still painfully similar to the ones you used to hear by your father back in the day when he scolded for doing what all the normal peasant kids were doing.

"I don't care." You spat out with poison you weren't aware of - maybe the royal life wasn't for you after all. Not that you had a choice in the matter. "I want to be held and pleasured until down by someone skilled. Make sure to find a pretty one." You added lastly, giving the butler a sly smile and running your tongue along your lips for a better image of what was to come despite all the warnings he could give you. You were tired of being denied the simple joys life could offer just because of your status. And at the end of the day the man was nothing more than a mouthy subordinate with too much arrogance and free time on his hands. He couldn't stop you, not really.

"I am afraid I cannot do that, princess." Leo stated in a stern voice, his gloved hand touching your face gently, in a barely noticeable way. "I can't let ordinary people taint your beautiful soft skin with their filthiness. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if someone else ruined your purity, My lady." The butler whispered, his finger moving along your cheekbones down to your hot neck. His words were so bold and daring, but there was something about the way he was looking at you that made you determined to put him in his place - even if his warm touch made you sick to your core. You couldn't raise the white flag just yet.

"Then would you corrupt me?" You snapped back at him, ready to perform your best role. You fluttered your eyelashes, rocked your hips towards the man and wrapped your arms around his neck, clinging to his strong, muscular body, hidden underneath the expensive fabric. "You seem worried about other men using me so maybe you are the one deserving..." You paused to lower your voice seductively while you watched his handsome face wrinkle in sadness and heartache. "Of this body." You finished the sentence by smirking victoriously. You knew that it was wrong to take it so far and mess with Leo's feelings but this little stunt made you feel better about how little in control you actually were most of the time.

"It would be an honour, My lady." The butler responded unexpectedly, a slight blush adorning his cheeks, while he reached to brush off a lock of hair, covering your eye. He caressed your face lovingly. This wasn't right. He should have been disgusted by you, threatening to tell your father or even worse - but instead the man was placing small kisses along your jawline.

Maybe you should have told him it was a joke. Maybe you should have tried to fight or scream or call for help. But what difference would it make - no one cared enough about the youngest child. Even if you died, there were many other options to choose from.

You can't help but wish that Leo too would realise it was pointless to adore someone like you. If only for him to stop touching you so tenderly it makes you cry. It's the first time that someone shows you genuine affection. It hurts and it makes you sick, but it's better than being forgotten. Or so you tell yourself again and again in the darkness of the night. You can't fall asleep.

#yandere male #yandere male x reader #male yandere x reader #yandere oneshot #yandere #yancore #yandere butler #yandere oc

1K notes · View notes

idy-ll-ique · 3 years ago

Text

a manny and a pedi

pairing: steve rogers x f!reader

genre: fluff, mild angst

warnings: lil bit of violence

requested: by @maximeevansblog

Its almost mine birthday so, a one with Steve, it is the readers birtday and steve is taking the reader to the hair and nail salon, and that night he has a suprise party for the reader and he is nervous that she wont like his gift but she loves his gift

word count: ~1.3k

summary: it was supposed to be "y/n y/l/n, will you marry me?" it was supposed to be romantic. why, then, did it become "that's my fiancée, you fucking asshole!" "your... your what?"

author's note: hiya peeps! okay firstly, happy birthday @maximeevansblog ! hope you have a wonderful birthday! also, im sorry if i changed your prompt a tiny bit, i hope you still like it. enjoy!

masterlist

---

"Hey lover boy, what—"

"Oh Jesus Christ, Barnes!" Steve exclaimed, startled. Bucky laughed and clapped him on the back once. "What are you doing here, are you spying?" he teased his best friend, peeking past him to look into the room outside which he found Steve standing. Y/N was inside the room, talking to a guy while holding a bouquet of flowers in her hands.

"Y/N?! Your own girlfriend, Rogers?" Bucky admonished harshly in a whisper, pulling Steve away from the door. "It's not— I trust her completely, honest! It's the guy she's talking to, Manny. I swear to God he's trying to steal her from me—"

"Nobody is stealing me, Rogers, Manny's just a friend! No ulterior motives, he has already promised like a thousand times," Steve heard behind him and whirled around to see Y/N standing there with a smirk, an eyebrow raised. "You taking snooping lessons from Barnes now?" he muttered, "I know babe, I just—"

"Just nothing, Stevie, be happy! It's my birthday!" she laughed and gave him a tight hug, burrowing into his arms. To be honest, Y/N knew about Manny's intentions and Steve was right to worry; he flirted with her all the time, even when she insisted she was dating the ex-Captain America. But she knew better than to worry Steve.

He soothingly rubbed her back, swatting Bucky's hand away when he tried to run his fingers through her hair. "Stop it, that's my girlfriend," he pouted and both Bucky and Y/N burst out laughing. "She's like a sister; jeez, Rogers, tone it down a little bit," Bucky sighed and waved at the couple, walking away.

Steve and Y/N decided to go back to their room. They had been in a relationship for around 4 years now, and they weren't planning on stopping, ever. The only time Y/N would become Steve's ex-girlfriend was when she became his wife. Which he hoped she'd become soon, since he had a special birthday planned for her.

First, he was going to take her to a hair salon, then a manicure and pedicure, and finally, a picnic under the stars. There, he was finally going to pop the question: Y/N, will you marry me? After his retirement, that was all he wanted. A stable life; a wife, kids, maybe some pets. He was even ready to be a trophy husband, as Y/N was still in the Avengers Initiative.

"Steve? Steve!" He snapped out of his thoughts and gave Y/N a sheepish smile. "Sorry, pumpkin, lost in thoughts. So, uh, the flowers look nice," he stammered, looking everywhere but at the flowers which Y/N was putting in a vase. "Oh hush Rogers, you don't have to pretend to like them for me, I get it. I was just like that with you, you know?"

It was true, in the beginning of their relationship Y/N was what Steve was now. Jealous, overprotective, obsessed… somewhere along the line the roles were reversed. "I know, honey, I'm sorry… they're a birthday gift, I should be happy for you." He walked towards her and wrapped his arms around her from behind, pressing a kiss to her neck.

"It's fine. So, I've received everyone's gift but yours, where is it?" she grinned coyly, reaching up to cup his cheek. Steve smirked against her skin and spun her around, bringing them back chest to chest. "In my pants," he whispered seductively. A few seconds passed and both of them burst out laughing.

"I swear to God, Stevie, if that's your only gift I'm gonna be really disappointed." Steve pouted and leaned forward to give her a sweet kiss. "First of all, ouch," he began, "And second, no that's not the only gift. I have a really fun day planned for us, you up for it?" Y/N's eyes lit up and she nodded eagerly, jumping into his arms. "Aw, Steve, I love you so much!"

"I love you too, princess. Now for the first gift—"

"Ste— oh…"

---

"I. Look. Freaking. Amazing!"

Steve smiled softly as Y/N admired herself in the mirror. They had just returned from the mani-pedi session, and Y/N was feeling the most refreshed she had in years. She had also gotten a fantastic new hairstyle, complete with a different hair colour. Y/N was feeling like a new person, all thanks to Steve. She turned to him with a huge smile.

"Words cannot express how much I love you," she began, giving him a tight hug, "But numbers can. 1 million out of 10!" Steve laughed at her excitement, gently playing with her hair as he held her close. "But the best part awaits: the picnic! We still have a few hours to go, maybe I can go some for training?"

"Sure, and I'm going to take some pictures and post them to all my social media sites! Oh my God, this is fantastic—" Steve laughed at Y/N's squeals and left the room, feeling giddier and happier than he was in the morning. You see, Steve was kind of nervous the whole day. First, it was because of Manny, second, he was worried she wouldn't like his gifts and third, will she say yes?

Two out of the three concerns were gone. It was the pesky last one that ran through his mind the whole time he was in the gym. After an hour, Steve decided to go back to their room to relax for a while under the Air Conditioner; he didn't want to be a smelly, sweaty mess on the most important night of his life.

As he was walking towards their room, though, Steve happened to bump into Y/N. And… Manny. Manny took one step forward, Y/N took a step back. One step forward, one step back as Y/N held her hands out in front of her, protecting herself. Without even bothering to know the full story, Steve rushed over and punched Manny straight on the nose.

He fell back with a groan as Y/N gasped, covering her mouth. "That's my fiancée, you fucking asshole! Have some respect for other people's relationships, she said no, no means no!" he yelled, so loud that a few others came over to check on them. Bucky, Sam, Peter, Tony, Wanda, Vision, Bruce and Natasha, all stood a few feet away, watching with wide eyes.

Y/N's head snapped towards Steve when he called her his fiancée. "Your… your what?" she whispered, and Steve finally realized what he had blurted out. Shit. "I… I was going to ask you tonight at the picnic— it was supposed to be romantic, damn it Manny, you ruined—" His speech was cut short as Y/N immediately took him in her arms, kissing him deeply.

"Yes, Steve, I will marry you," she mumbled with a small, teary smile that Steve mimicked as he brought her in for another kiss. They only stopped when they heard the massive applause coming from the others. "Congratulations, you guys, this is brilliant news! Who's the best man?" Sam hollered.

Steve hugged Y/N closer, wiping his tears off with a chuckle. "Well, I was thinking—"

"I'll be honored," Sam grinned, scowling when Bucky smacked him across the head. "He was going to ask me," Bucky sneered and Steve rolled his eyes. "If you keep bickering like that, I'll ask Bruce," he snarked and Bruce laughed as both Bucky and Sam quieted instantly. "Where's the fucking ring, Rogers, there's no proposal without a ring!"

"The ring is in the bedroom, I was training and that's no place for a precious jewel," Steve answered and Y/N smiled into his arms, burrowing her face further into his chest.

"Yes, the hair salon was great. The mani and pedi— not that Manny, Steve— was also great. But this, by far, was the best birthday present I got today," she whispered to him. "What about the sex? Am I becoming an old man now—" Y/N pushed Steve with a disgusted look on her face as everyone else gagged and groaned. "Rogers, it was a sweet moment!"

"Sorry, sorry, couldn't help myself, it just came— there it is again!"

"Blergh, fuck you, man!"

"I deserved it."

---

a/n: thanks for reading, leave a like if you liked it!

160 notes · View notes

iliveiloveiwrite · 4 years ago

Text

Spare Me A Moment? // Benedict Bridgerton

Request: I’d love to request a Benedict fic, if that’s okay ☺️ Maybe one where the reader doesnt belong to the ton and works for the Bridgertons and he falls for her but she can’t quite believe it (because why would he fall for someone of her status?) but eventually admits that she has feelings for him too? I hope this is something you’d like to write 🙈 Thank you so much 💛 - @dreaming-about-fanfictions

A/N: My first Bridgerton request and it’s from my dear, Astrid! Thank you, my lovely. I only hope I have done it justice. There are moments in this that are inspired by Downton Abbey (a different time period, I know, but I adapt) and the way the fic is written is meant to jump about POVs before finally bringing the reader or Benedict as the sole focus of the scene.

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x Fem!Reader

Warnings: use of she/her pronouns, female reader, class differences, societal differences, pining, mutual pining, kissing, honest conversations, bridgertons being bridgertons, healthy family relationships.

Word Count: 5.4k

Of the families that resided in Grosvenor Square, there was not one so loved by their staff than that of the Bridgertons. They treated their staff fairly with decent wages and housing well as treating them with respect. The staff that work for the Bridgertons are so admired by the family that those in their employment tend not to leave for years on end; perfectly happy to remain devoted to one family.

To be a housemaid in a home such as Bridgerton House was an honour; as was repeated by the butler, Jenkins and the Head Housemaid, Mrs. Thorpe when (Y/N) began working in the house many years ago.

There was no other way to put it, (Y/N) adored working in Bridgerton House. She never minded the early starts, or the late finishes when the season was in full swing. She could never find herself bothered by having to pick up after the youngest children; their shoes and books lying about hallways and staircases, ready to cause an injury. (Y/N) was utterly devoted to the family; she could never imagine working anywhere else.

And if she had admired the second born Bridgerton with an interest that spoke to more of an employer/servant relationship, then that was (Y/N)’s cross to bear.

-----------

For months he had watched her from the centre of attention. He had observed how she held herself; tall and proud of the work she completed daily.

It had been a passing glance that had started it all. A polite smile and nod from her as Benedict passed in her the hallway, and suddenly he was hit with one, if not all, of Cupid’s arrows. After that, Benedict started to notice (Y/N) everywhere – started to notice the extra attention she paid Hyacinth when she was missing Gregory; he noticed how she would go out of her way to ensure his mother’s comfort in her drawing room, fluffing up cushions and pillows, and offering a blanket should there be a chill.

Benedict began to notice all of this and for a moment, he wondered whether he was beginning to lose his mind. He knew of the barriers between them, but that didn’t stop him from experience the raw emotion of wanting her. Benedict didn’t like to think how many hours of the day he devoted to thinking of her; dreaming of her.

All he wanted was to talk to her. To have a few minutes with her to plead his case; to help her understand that there is the very real possibility of a relationship between then should she feel the same way. How often he had dreamed of her feeling the same way…

A lovesick fool. Benedict Bridgerton was a lovesick fool but should (Y/N) spare him a moment, he would be her lovesick fool.

------------

From the very moment she woke, (Y/N) had been on her feet, rushing from room to room, tidying up after everyone. The whole Bridgerton family would be descending on the main house for the final meal of the day; they were welcoming Anthony and his new wife, Kate, home from their honeymoon.

That meant everything had to be perfect. That meant there was very little time to wander through the house; Jenkins was already close to tears; he could not be pushed any further.

The chiming of the grandfather clock in the hallway has (Y/N) hastening her steps, trying not to look too rushed as she thinks of the dinner service still needing to be taken upstairs and the wine to decant and the port to breathe. Whilst Anthony had a collection of whiskies and brandies in his study, the port was kept to the realm of the butler – Jenkins knew exactly what to buy and when to serve it. Tonight was one such occasion, and it still needed to breathe.

“(Y/N)!” Benedict calls, hurrying after her as she makes her way back to her quarters to dress for the dinner service. Jenkins, the Butler, would not be best pleased if she were to show up late.

“Mr. Bridgerton, how can I help you?” (Y/N) asks, curtseying to the second-born Bridgerton before eyeing the grandfather clock and noting the time.

“Spare me a moment of your time, please?”

“You should be getting ready for dinner. I know that Benjamin has laid out your clothes.”

“I want to talk to you… only for a moment, I know you have jobs to attend to.”

Smoothing down her apron, (Y/N) smiles softly at the brunette. “What would you like to talk about?”

“I thought it was obvious but perhaps not,” Benedict murmurs to himself, practically ignoring her question.

“I beg your pardon, Mr. Bridgerton but I must be getting on.”

“No!” He all but shouts, reaching for your hand, “Spare me another moment of your time… please.”

She wavers as if caught between the berating she will no doubt receive from the Butler for being late to the dinner service or letting down her employer whom she stands in front of. After a moment’s silence, her decision is made. “How can I help you, Mr. Bridgerton?” She repeats.

“Call me Benedict, please.”

She shakes her head, “I’m afraid I cannot do that, Mr. Bridgerton. It would be improper.”

Benedict hesitates; his hand still outstretched towards her as if desperate to feel her underneath his palms. “I’ve gone about this all wrong,” He says, eyes sad.

“Pardon?”

“I’ve fallen in love with you,” Benedict confesses, speaking plainly as if he hasn’t changed her world in six words.

“What?” She gasps; propriety falling away from her for a moment as the words he uttered settle into her skin.

“I’ve fallen in love with you,” Benedict repeats, voice firmer as he becomes surer of himself.

“How?” She asks, her face and voice puzzled, “I’m a housemaid, Mr. Bridgerton.”

His eyebrows furrow as if such a thing shouldn’t matter in their world. Yet it does – status is everything; titles are everything. A man who hails from a family such as the Bridgertons could not marry, let alone fall in love with one of the serving class. It simply didn’t happen. There was the occasional affair, but (Y/N) knew herself well enough not to be reserved as a mistress – it was not her destiny. She was to marry for love.

“I don’t know how it happened, but I find myself thinking of you every waking minute of the day. I find it hard not to stare at you when I see you completing your duties. At night, I long for it to be you lying next to me instead of the emptiness of the bed. I don’t know how it happened, (Y/N). All I know is that I am in love with you. This is no farce or folly.”

The words fall over her as rain would fall over grass. They soak into her skin, mould to her bones and become part of her in the span of mere seconds. Mere seconds, and her world has changed. As much as she longed to hear those words from his lips, this could not happen. Moving away from him, her chest aching with every step, she whispers her excuse to escape, “I’m sorry, Mr. Bridgerton, I need to get back downstairs.”

Watching her walk away from him, Benedict feels something heavy settle in his chest, pressing his lungs down and making it difficult to breathe. The barriers between them were so entrenched into society, Benedict begins to worry that he has lost her before he every truly got to know her.

Shaking his head, determination sets his nerves to steel. He would try again, he promises himself. He would not pester, but he would do what he could to ensure a brighter future for the both of them.

----------

“We’re down a footman,” Jenkins panics, “I’ve had to send William to bed with a head cold. We’re down one footman in the dining room.”

“What do you propose we do?” Mrs. Thorpe asks of the grey-haired man. Hands on her hips and her lips, thin, Mrs. Thorpe was not a woman to be trifled with. She had not run Bridgerton House for close to thirty years for Jenkins’ panic to ruin a single evening. So far in their shared career with the Bridgerton family, his nerves had almost ruined an engagement party, a christening, an end of season masquerade ball and now, a traditional family dinner.

The colour fades from Jenkins’ face as he mutters, “I’m going to have to have a housemaid in the dining room.”

Mrs. Thorpe rolls her eyes at the antics of the overly dramatic butler. “It won’t be the end of the world to have a housemaid in the dining room. Take (Y/N) – she’s liked well enough by the family and knows how to serve.”

Jenkins sighs wearily as if the weight of the world rests upon his shoulders. “I suppose I have no choice. Will you let (Y/N) know?”

(Y/N) is walking down the stairs to the lower levels of the house when she hears Mrs. Thorpe call her name. Turning, as she lands on the bottom step, she has a fond smile on her face for the Head Housekeeper. “Mrs. Thorpe,” (Y/N) greets.

“We’re down a footman this evening, dear,” Mrs. Thorpe says in greeting, never one to beat around the bush, “Would you be able to cover the dining room with Jenkins and Benjamin?”

“The dining room?” (Y/N) questions as the rug is pulled from underneath her feet for the second time that afternoon. It would mean having to see Benedict once more, but what choice was there.

“Yes,” Mrs. Thorpe confirms, “There aren’t enough bodies to cover the whole family. Everyone is dining tonight.”

“Of course,” (Y/N) smiles, “Of course, I’ll help. I’ll also take William a tray when I get a moment’s reprieve.”

Mrs. Thorpe smiles; the corners of her eyes crinkling from the force of it. “You are a gem. Thank you, dear.”

(Y/N) nods, smiling at the Head Housekeeper though she knows it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. Having to see Benedict so soon after his confession had sent her mind into overdrive; her stomach tying itself into knots – she could only hope that the gentleman wouldn’t say anything, wouldn’t humiliate her in front of his whole family.

Mrs. Thorpe touches (Y/N)’s shoulder, asking her softly, “Is everything okay, dear?”

(Y/N) nods, trying her best not to let her emotions show on her face. She had been blindsided by Benedict and his confession; didn’t ever expect such words to leave his mouth… well, expected them but never thought they would be directed at her.

“I’m fine, Mrs. Thorpe,” She smiles and whilst the Head Housekeep returns the smile, she does not believe the one on (Y/N)’s face for a moment.

“Are you sure you’re okay to help out in the dining room? Jenkins can always find someone else.”

(Y/N) shakes her head, knowing the butler better than she knows herself. “He would cause such a panic. No, it’s better I do it myself.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I am,” She pats Mrs. Thorpe’s hand. “I am sure.”

-----------

It takes everything she has to stop her hands from shaking as she enters the dining room with her tray of food. Following Jenkins’ lead, (Y/N) holds her head high as she serves the Bridgertons, beginning with Anthony and then making her way from his right.

Benedict all but freezes in his spot when (Y/N) finally comes to serve from his left shoulder. He turns in his chair to find her staring down at him; a serving plate in her hand, the tongs pointed in his direction. Their fingers brush as Benedict reaches for the utensil sending a zap of static electricity up (Y/N)’s arm. She sucks in a breathe, desperate to keep the connection between them yet she is the one who straightens, who schools her face into a mask of polite interest.

“Thank you,” Benedict whispers, still unable to take his eyes off her.

“You’re welcome,” She replies, swiftly moving onto Gregory who sits patiently by Benedict’s side.

Jenkins who had noticed the exchange between Benedict and (Y/N) clears his throat, gaining the attention of the family waiting to start their meal. “I am terribly sorry for the informality. William took ill at the last moment and (Y/N) graciously offered to fill his shoes.”

Anthony Bridgerton smiles at (Y/N). “Thank you, (Y/N), for stepping in so quickly,” He states before turning his attention to Jenkins, “Has a tray been organised for William? Do you need us to contact the doctor?”

Jenkins watches the young Viscount with warm eyes; having known the Viscount since he was a babe in arms, it has been his pride and joy to watch him grow to the man he is today. “(Y/N) has offered to take a tray to William as soon as she is finished here. As for the doctor, my Lord, it seems only to be a head cold.”

“Let us know if anything changes, please.”

“Of course, my Lord.”

As food is served and wine is poured, happy and warm conversation flows through the Bridgerton family. Laughter is the most often heard sound in the Bridgerton home; it punctuates the air whether the chuckle and giggle comes from a member of the family or a member of staff.

Tonight is no different, it seems, as Hyacinth snorts midway through her laughter at Gregory’s latest antics. Visiting home for the weekend from Eton, Gregory was on hand to entertain his brothers and scandalise his dear mother with stories of his school life.

“I do hope you are paying attention in your lessons,” Violet admonishes her youngest son though there is nothing but maternal love in her voice.

Gregory smiles widely, holding a hand over his heart as he promises, “I do nothing less.”

His words receive an amused snort from all three brothers and a roll of eyes from his mother. (Y/N) turns her face away from the loving scene to keep the smile on her face from growing. This; this is what she years for – family, love, laughter and warmth. No matter how Benedict phrases his feelings, and no matter how she may feel for the Bridgerton, a relationship that harbours the four things (Y/N) holds dear would be impossible due to her station. A sad fact, but a universally accepted truth.

The topic of conversation once again shifts; this time focusing on the latest branch in literature. A novel had been published that had managed to scandalise not only the religious community, but also the scientific one. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein was, to (Y/N), two things. Not only was it a book that promised the reader to be horrified, but it was written by a woman. Shelley was not the first female author, and she would not be the last but this latest venture into a new genre of literature inspired pride within (Y/N). With the growing availability of books through libraries, (Y/N) felt it was only time before something big happened in the fight for rights for women.

Though she kept those thoughts readily to herself.

“What do you think, (Y/N)?” Benedict asks, blue eyes sparkling over the rim his wine glass as every member of his family turns to look at her.

Eyes wide with shock, she glances over to Jenkins. He nods but he doesn’t look pleased at her having been called on by the employer. Taking a step forward, she curtsies slightly before answering, “I couldn’t possibly say, Mr. Bridgerton, sir. I haven’t read the book.”

“Come now, (Y/N),” Benedict continues, his smile growing wider, “You must have an opinion.”

“Benedict,” Violet chastises, “Leave the poor girl alone. She’s only serving tonight as William has fallen ill. There is no need to badger her.”

Violet smiles at (Y/N) apologetically as she takes a step back to the wall, her hands held neatly in front of her. Conversation soon turns to another subject, another topic which gives (Y/N) the space to breathe; to slow her racing heart.

Benedict’s eyes continue to steal glances of her figure for the rest of the meal. It feels close to a brand; the heat of his gaze burns through whatever shield she has up to the point where she is certain Benedict has laid her bare for all to see. It’s all she can think of; his keen gaze and his words to her before the meal.

Trying her best not to fidget, (Y/N) keeps her eyes focused on the portrait of a Bridgerton ancestor hung on the wall across from her. She only rouses herself from her nerves to serve the courses of the meal. (Y/N) cannot help but thank any god or deity out there when the dessert course is brought up and the meal is soon brought to a close.

-------------

It is easy to avoid someone when you ask for extra duties, (Y/N) thinks to herself as she carries a pile of dresses to be mended. The muslin is smooth against her skin as she lays the dresses out on the mending table before turning to find the sewing kit. Thankfully, for the dresses, there was not much to be done but mend a few holes that had torn near the hem. The danger of heels and quick walking women, (Y/N) humours.

It had been a week since the conversation with Benedict; his words constantly playing on her mind until she wakes in the middle of the night with them on her lips, as if she were reciting the conversation in her sleep.

Benedict had tried to gain her attention; he had made clear attempts at wanting to talk to her. However, she simply curtsied and went on her way. She didn’t know what to say to him; she couldn’t understand how he – the son of a Viscount, no less – had fallen in love with her.

It felt preposterous; it felt too good to be true. Yet as the oil lamps are dampened for the night and the other servants in the house have fallen asleep, (Y/N) lets herself dream of what it could be like to be loved by Benedict Bridgerton. She wonders about the curve of his mouth; what it feel like, whether he would smile into their kiss. She thinks of his hands; his long, artistic fingers and she briefly ponders whether he had ever drawn her, whether in his many sketchbooks there lies a portrait of her.

When she’s feeling a particular glutton for punishment, (Y/N) lets herself dream of a life with Benedict where class status didn’t matter. She thinks of what it would be like to wake up to him every morning; to feel the heaviness of his arm wrapped around her waist as he rises to consciousness with the sun. She yearns to know what it would feel like to be able to reach over and take his hand in hers, tangling their fingers together as if they had always meant to be intertwined.

The longing for him is what breaks her. It’s what causes the tears to roll down her face as she lets herself accept the fact that she is sure she has known for a long time. She lets herself accept that she had met the cliché of so many housemaids before her by falling in love with Benedict Bridgerton a long time ago, before he had even come to know her existence.

-----------

The drawing room on the upper level of the house was where Violet Bridgerton spent most of her day. On occasion, her sons’ joined the family, but for the most part, it was her daughters that kept her company. Violet remains occupied by her stitching patterns; a garden of tulips for the birth of Anthony’s darling new baby, however, she keeps a weather eye on Eloise and Hyacinth – her only daughters to remain at home and unmarried.

“Eloise,” Violet murmurs, “Would you be a dear and ring for some tea. My throat is parched.”

Eloise pauses in her writing; so occupied these days, Violet thinks as her second eldest daughter rises to ring for the kitchen. “What are you working on?” Violet asks, curiosity getting the better of her.

Eloise frowns, collecting the papers out of fear anyone should read them. “I’m writing to Penelope if you must know.”

“Writing? She lives just across the way, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind you calling on her.”

“I’m sure she wouldn’t,” Eloise allows, “But there is nothing wrong with practicing my handwriting, is there mother?”

Violet smiles; a pained one that shows her exhaustion with her beloved daughter. “No, my dear. There is no harm in that.”

Eloise nods, smiling softly at her mother before returning to her letter. Violet watches her for a moment; the way her eyes read and reread the sentences written on the page – this was not a letter to Penelope; it was to a suitor. Violet knew full well, however, that Eloise would come to her when ready – she was not someone to be pushed into giving information.

Returning to her stitching, Violet finds that her attention is once more interrupted by the opening of the door. She sighs, placing the stitching down, curious as to whether she would get the piece done before the arrival of the sweet babe.

Turning to face the door, she is surprised to find her second-born, Benedict entering the room. His eyes, sad and his expression, solemn as he runs a hand again and again through his hair.

“Mother,” Benedict greets, leaning down to press a kiss to her ageing cheek. “May I speak with you about a private matter?”

Violet’s eyebrows furrow but she says nothing as she dismisses her daughters; each one complaining as they leave the room, closing the door behind them. At the click of the lock, Violet smiles warmly at her son – he was so different from Anthony and Colin, not the least interested in their games such as Pall Mall but would rather sit to the side with his sketchbook in hand. He had a boisterous streak; could play with the rest of them, but he had his moments where he fall into a tranquil state and produce artwork that could rival the greats.

Nerves tangling his stomach to pieces, Benedict begins to pace the room. His hands are hooked behind his back as he begins to pace backwards and forwards, trying to form sentences from the jumble of words in his mind. He knew, deep down, that whatever he should want to do with his life, his beloved mother would support him, but even Violet Bridgerton could not ignore the class lines so entrenched within society.

“Benedict, my dear, you’re beginning to make me dizzy. Stop pacing and tell me what’s wrong.”

Benedict pauses his pacing but does not sit down. Instead, he stands as still as a stone, hands gesturing wildly as he tries to form thoughts into sentences. Mouth opening and closing, he struggles of how to bring up the issue of love and marriage.

“You would never stand in the way of who we love, would you?” He finally asks, running a hand through his deep brown hair.

Violet frowns, “I would not considering they were within reason. Why? Have you fallen in love, Benedict?”

“I think… No. I know I have, but there’s a problem.”

“Are they a drunk?”

“No.”

“Do they gamble?”

“No.”

“Then whatever is the matter?”

“She’s a servant. A housemaid to be precise… in this house.”

Violet would be the first to admit that she is surprised by her son’s admission. Sighing, she pats the cushion next to her, urging her son to sit down. “Who?” she asks as Benedict falls into the seat beside her.

“(Y/N),” He admits, fiddling with the hem of his jacket.

She runs a hand through his hair, “Does she love you too?”

“I don’t know,” Benedict admits, “She ran off after I confessed.”

“Then I need to speak to her to find out once and for all,” Violet declares, smoothing out her skirts.

“Mother…” Benedict groans. Violet shakes her head, “Let me talk to her. I can reassure her in ways you cannot. I can tell her that I approve.”

“You approve?” He asks, shocked at the words leaving hid mother’s mouth. “I thought you would disapprove…”

“Because of her class? My dear boy, you have found your love match, that is all I wish for my children. Should (Y/N) feel the same then of course I approve. I would rather you be happy than miserable, my son.”

“Thank you, mother,” Benedict replies, kissing her cheek once again, “You’re truly the best there are.”

Violet blushes at her sons words, dismissing him with a wave of her fan. “Off with you, and ring for Jenkins before you go.”

Benedict bows before pulling the cord by the door. Leaving the room, Benedict cannot help the smile that crosses his face. He truly holds some hope that (Y/N) might feel the same as he does and if his mother should approve, then there should be no issue to their courting and their union.

----------------

(Y/N) wrings her hands together on entire walk to Lady Violet’s drawing room. Having been summoned by the Lady herself, this could be either of two things. One: she was about to find herself suddenly unemployed for reasons she did not yet know. Or two: Lady Violet knows about the conversation with Benedict.

Neither reason made (Y/N) feel particularly confident as she is shown into the drawing room. Her heart remains in her throat even as Lady Violet smiles at her warmly; gesturing for her to sit down across from her and take some tea.

Adding one lump of sugar to her tea, Lady Violet bluntly asks, “Do you love my son, (Y/N)?”

(Y/N) promptly drops her spoon into her tea causing it to splash on the table cover. “Oh!” She gasps, reaching for a napkin to clean up the mess as best she can, “I am so terribly sorry, Lady Bridgerton.”

Violet chuckles, “It’s no problem, (Y/N). Tea tends to wash out as I am sure you are well aware. I do not want to think of how many table cloths and dresses I have stained in my time… but I love the drink so many more stains are due to come.”

“My mother says that the world can be put to rights over a good cup of tea.”

“Your mother sounds very wise.”

“She is,” (Y/N) nods, smiling wistfully as she thinks of her mother with the fondness of a child. “I write to her nearly every day. She likes to hear about the city and what is happening. She feels as if the Bridgertons are her own family.”

Violet beams at that, “I am glad to hear it, (Y/N), but you have not answered my question.”

“I apologise, Lady Bridgerton.”

“Are you in love with Benedict?”

(Y/N) remains silent for a moment before beginning to nod her head. “I am. I know I am,” (Y/N) begins, “But…”

“But what?”

“I could bring nothing to the courtship and then nothing to the marriage. My family are not rich enough for me to have a dowry; I have no title or land; I barely know proper etiquette – I would offend everyone the moment I stepped through the door. On top of that, think of the social connections Benedict would lose – there would be families who would never speak to him again all because he had the rotten luck to fall in love with me.”

Violet’s blue eyes grow determined as she begins to list off: “You do not need a dowry; we have enough money as it is. There is no need for you to have a title or land, Benedict has his own homes. In terms of etiquette, you converse with me quite well, so I see no issue there. As for social connections, if people cannot see how happy you make my son then that is their issue, not yours and not Benedict’s.”

“What about the Viscount, Lady Bridgerton? Surely he has final say.”

A glimmer of something maternal shines in Violet’s eyes as she smiles. “Let me handle my eldest son. You have no reason to worry, (Y/N). Benedict loves you. I will not stand in the way of his happiness.”

“So you approve?” (Y/N) asks, forgetting herself for a brief moment before dipping her head in apology.

Violet dismisses her apology with a wave of her hand; after all, if things go to plan, she would be calling (Y/N) daughter in no time. “Do I approve of having to find another housemaid as talented as you? No, I do not. But do I approve of the lady that my son has given his heart to? Absolutely. To be entirely truthful, I would rather it be you than someone in society.”

“Thank you, Lady Bridgerton,” (Y/N) says gratefully, feeling the all too familiar prick of tears in the corner of her eyes.

“Now go,” Violet smiles, the familiar sting of tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, “Go find my son and tell him how you feel.”

Standing from the chair, (Y/N) curtsies with a smile before rushing from the room. Her mind in a daze as to what has truly happened just now.

-------------

(Y/N) finds Benedict in the library, sat awkwardly in one of the chairs with his sketchbook propped up in his lap. He’s focused entirely on the sketch at hand; his mouth set in a determined line as a finger delicately smudges part of his work.

For a single instant, (Y/N) watches Benedict in his element, finding that the butterflies in her stomach have turned from slumbering to a full blown riot at the mere sight of the man that had captured her heart. Still riding on the high from her conversation with Lady Bridgerton, (Y/N) steps further into the room. Benedict freezes in place at the sight of her stood by the stacks of books; her eyes are bright, and her skin flushed as she fiddles with the hem of her apron.

The painting flashes in his mind suddenly and his fingers twitch with the urge to turn the page of his sketchbook whilst simultaneously asking her to remain still so he can immortalise her on page. She’s perfect; she’s the perfect model and she doesn’t even realise it; Benedict thinks to himself.

“Spare me a moment?” She asks tentatively, as if worried of his reaction.

“All my moments are for you,” Benedict whispers honestly setting her heart racing in her chest. He stands from the chair, long legs coming out from under him as he leaves his sketchbook behind.

“All mine are for you too, if you’ll still have me…”

“What?”

“I love you too,” She confesses, voice small as she fiddles with her fingers, eyes cast on them – too scared to meet his gaze.

A finger under her chin has her meeting his deep blue eyes. Eyes that are alight with the happiness that surges through his veins; that highlight just how his heart sings at hearing those magical words leave her mouth.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” (Y/N) begins to ramble, “There is so much that is standing in the way for us, and I know you do not care or at least, I think you do not care but I cannot help but worry that if we were to happen, one day you would wake up and regret every moment of it. I am not from the same class as you, Benedict, I do not want to ruin you.”

A smile breaks across his face despite the stark desperation of her words. She furrows her eyebrows, half in curiosity, half in concealed frustration. “What are you smiling at?” She demands.

His hands move to cradle her face; thumbs rubbing over her cheekbones as he chuckles, “You called me ‘Benedict’.”

Thinking over her words, she smiles despite herself. “I suppose I did.”

“As for your worries: I do not think there will be one day in my future that I will not wake up and be grateful. However, that will only happen if you are in it – if I am waking up to you every morning. Darling, I do not think you can ruin me. I think you will be the making of me.”

“Do you promise? Not to regret me?” She whispers, a note of vulnerability in her voice.

“I promise,” He vows, pressing a kiss first to her forehead, then to her nose and cheeks. Then as he hovers above her lips, he whispers, “With every moment you spare me, I could never regret falling in love with you.”

******

Bridgerton Taglist: @heloisedaphnebrightmore @dreaming-about-fanfictions @now-its-time-for-a-breakdown @janelongxox @aspiringsloth20 @wallwriterstuff @magicalxdaydream @darkestbeforethedawn16 @gryffindors-weasley

Taglist is open! If you would like to be added, drop a message to my ask box and I shall add you to the list.

#benedict bridgerton x reader #benedict x reader #benedict bridgerton fanfiction #benedict bridgerton #benedict bridgerton imagines #bridgerton fanfiction #bridgerton #bridgerton imagines

1K notes · View notes

futurewriter2000 · 3 years ago

Text

Rocks and Dust

A/N: I don't know why Remus gave me such Heath Ledger vibes when I was writing this but he did and I am honestly so fucking proud of it. Now, I really want to make myself some rice and chicken... or just rice. I hope you like it <3

REQUESTED BY @cloudywitchh: Hiiii, Im not sure if your requests are open, but if they are i have one. :)) Before I request, I want you to know that I love your oneshots and series! ive been binge reading. Could you possibly do a Gryffindor reader that has both james and remus that like her. oneshot or series. if you choose to write it, thank you, if not i understand

Souls meet when eyes do and it hasn't been much easy to hold yourself back when such mesmerising hazel eyes had done nothing but watch you seductively.

At first you couldn't feel it but after a while, something in the back of your mind told you to look a certain direction. When you did, your eyes met his and a certain colour started to appear on your cheeks.

You watched him, he watched you. "Yes, Potter?" you asked with a smirk forming on the corner of your lips.

He smiled, tilting his head a bit to the side before speaking. "Had you done something new with your hair?" he asked, glancing up at your hair as you let out a laugh.

"Not really."

"Well, no matter of it." he leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. "You look absolutely stunning."

You felt your heart flutter in your chest but you were not about to let him know that. "Thank you. When don't I look absolutely stunning." you joked and he rolled his eyes.

"Hey, mate." Remus came into the common room and tapped James' shoulder as he passed him by, sitting next to him.

James smile faded a bit. He was a tad disappointed in his friend's presence. Everything had seemed to go so well between you and him. If the two of you continued to be alone, he would have had more confidence to ask you out on a date. Knowing that Remus took fancy in you too, it was a bit challenging to do so.

"What's up, Moony?" James looked at him, clearly not in a friendliest tone Remus was used to.

Remus' lips twirled upwards and he felt amused by his friends' frustration. He looked at you and smiled wonderfully. "Hi." he said and you smiled cheerfully, oblivious to the competition in front of you.

"Hi, Remus."

You seemed to be a tad disappointed as well. You loved to flirt with James because it seemed so easy and fun to do yet sometimes you couldn't understand whether he truly likes you or if he's doing it just out of fun. But you live by your mother's words; If a man truly likes you, he will do absolutely everything to let you know and pursue you.

That was why you were always so laid back. You didn't overthink anything when it came to boy. They seemed to think more simply than girls and whatever they did, they did because they wanted to, not because there was a whole scheme behind their actions.

You could see a bit discomfort in James. You couldn't really figure out why but he started to pout, which had made you a bit more uncomfortable around both of them.

Remus, however, loved to talk to you. He was open and honest but sometimes you felt as if he held too many secrets inside of him. To you, he was a bit harder to get to know, no matter how much he could tell you.

"You're going to love this, (y/n)!" he started to sound more excited. "I had found the oldest yet most interesting place a few nights ago-" he hear- both of you heard James scoff to that. "And I know your curious spirit cannot wait to explore it."

"Where?!" you threw all your books away and jumped forward. Old ruins and historic backgrounds always made you overly excited. You must have gotten it from your dad's side of the family. Everybody seemed to be more of history freaks and you were no different.

"I can show you. What do you think James?" Remus turned to James, who only laughed.

"No, thank you." he stood up and stretched his arms over his body. "Rocks and dust? Not my cup of tea. If I wanted to take a girl I fancy-" he looked at you with a grin and a soft chuckle. "I'd take her somewhere more romantic." he walked to you and winked. "A lovely restaurant or a walk among the trees under the moonlight." he was leaning down to you, close and observing the flush in your cheeks.

Your eyes were meeting and it lit a fiery spark between the two of you but as you didn't want to give him the pleasure of it, you rolled your eyes and moved away. "That's a bit of a cliche, isn't it, Potter?" you stood up and stretched your back as well. "I don't do romance." you turned from James to Remus and smiled excitedly. "Shall we go and explore!?"

"Yes we shall."

---

Remus hasn't felt you this excited over some 'rocks and dust' in all the years he had known you but he had felt his heart fill with joy and love when he could see how a person can live for the small things in life. You didn't care about wealth or power, neither if a person was physically beautiful and attractive. You neither cared if person had its flaws, you still loved anybody for who they were; good or evil. You always tried to look the best in people and your gift was, that you always seemed to bring out just that out of everybody and especially out of him.

As the two of you had walked, he had realised that he wants to tell you something important to him. It wasn't a secret to his friends and family but it was a shameful secret to him and to everybody else.

"Can I tell you something?" he asked as the two of you were climbing up the hill.

"Yeah." you stopped, gasping for air and putting your hands on your hips. "I think we need to rest too." you smiled and he laughed.

"It's not that far. We're almost close."

"My heart is almost close to stopping too."

He laughed again and sat on the rock, finding the moon shining on him as if it was leaving its fullness from a few days ago. "I just have the need to tell you this... and I'm serious."

You looked up at him and found the moon perfectly cut out the colour of his green eyes. "Your eyes look so pretty in the moonlight." you said without any filter but sat down next to him.

"Thank you."

You smiled and looked up at the moon before taking a look of his worried expression. "What is it?" you shoved him a little as he smiled. "You can tell me your deepest darkest secret." you joked but it was no joke to him.

"Well... I'm... I'm a werewOlf." he stuttered out, trying to sound casually as he said so but unsuccessful.

You only stared in silence, clearly processing the information as he was impatient to wait for your reaction. Your eyes only narrowed at him and you nodded. "I knew it."

"You knew it?" he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"I mean, I didn't know it. I just know there was something to you that I couldn't put my finger on but I kind of knew it. It did cross my mind once but I brushed it off quickly. I didn't believe it but apparently my intuition was on to something." you laughed and stood up, offering him your hand. "Shall we continue?"

"You don't seem a tad phased by it." he took your hand gently and stood up.

"Oh, I am but I really don't mind people being people. You know?" you started to talk fast. "I don't judge people by their flaws, more by their actions and I don't seem why your werewolfness would bother me when there are far worse withces, wizards and Muggles in this world, who are far more worse than any werewolf I had encounter. Which, you're the first but still. You don't seem the one to eat children and howl at the moon."

He let out a loud laugh. "I don't eat children but I do the latter."

---

The two of you walked up the hill hand in hand, him trying to pull you up as his steps were much larger than yours. He was more of muscles than you, faster and careful as for you seemed to trip over a branch or two.

He had opened up as the two of you made your way to the top and started to walk on the flatlands. It stretched far away from the castle but you could see the ruins so clearly from the distance. The light of he moon made the subject far more pleasing to the eye and at that moment when Remus was talking to you and your eyes seemed to wander on the view- everything seemed to be perfect and you imprinted that moment into your memory so that you can look back and re-live it all over again.

As he talked, he seemed more lose and excited. He hadn't held back on anything. He had told you about Animagnus forms of his friends and how he isn't the only one who howls at the moon. Sirius apparently loves to do it just as well in his other form. He had constantly made you laugh by his full moon stories and how he accepted the awful fact of his life-long destiny of sharing his body with a beast.

He was glowing, literally glowing when he was telling you all the things he was hiding from you and for the first time, you were the one to listen and he was the one constantly talking.

"We're here!" he pointed at the ruins of an old castle. It wasn't big or notorious as Camelot or Hogwarts or any other historically known castle. It was small and poor in it's built but it was still a castle, just not the traditional kind.

He let go of your hand and it gave you a sort of an electrical shock as he did. You seemed to be so comfortable and in love of holding hands that you completely forgot what it was like without his fingers intertwined with yours.

It wasn't for long though. He had opened the old wooden door for you and offered you his hand to lead you inside. "After you, m'lady." he bowed as a gentleman should and you hurried up inside, taking him by the hand and leading him behind you.

Your wands needn't to be lit as the moonlight made it's own natural light through the large gaps between the rocks. Nature made it's own charm by growing vines around the walls, flowers and grass among the cracks. It truly did feel more magical than the magic itself.

"Oh, Remus look!" you ran to one of the walls and saw names carved in. "Ibzan." you smiled back at him.

"Old biblical name." Remus followed and saw many other names written around it. "Arthur." he laughed. "Wouldn't be an English castle without an Arthur in it."

"Tatiana." you looked at it. "Like a princess." you looked at him but he seemed to be very close to you, staring forward. His chest was against your back and his head leaning over your shoulder. You didn't have to look back. You could only move your eyes to the side and see him there.

He seemed to be so focused on the rocks in front of you that he hasn't even noticed you marvelling at him. All you could see, for the first time noticing his sharp, nicely structured side profile. His cheek bones were finely defined, his lips sharp and plump and his eyebrows nicely arched.

He truly was a beautiful boy and you hadn't noticed it till now. His palm was placed against the rock as he was supporting himself but when he had noticed you looking at him, he slyly looked back. A corner of his mouth quirked up and he said: "A girl doesn't need to be a princess to have a beautiful name." he spoke low and quietly.

The spark that James lit before was over-flamed by the passion Remus arroused in you. Before you knew it, he was leaning down and kissed you softly. One short kiss and it was enough to tempt you for more. You put your hand around his neck and pulled him down for me, smiling into it as you had felt him smile as well. As heavy as they felt, they seemed light as well because no kisses seemed to be as perfect as his; soft, teasing yet deep and passionate.

When he placed his hand on your cheek you could feel the dust set on your skin. You let out a giggle and he pulled away. "What?" he smiled but then just noticed how dark your cheek was. "Oh, my-" he let out a laugh, then looked back on the wall his palm was pressed on before. "I am terribly sorry."

You laughed as well. "Don't worry." you continued to laugh and wipe it away. "It'll probably wash away."

"Probably." he tilted his head a bit and gave you a peck. "And we should probably head back."

Putting your arms around his neck, you made a big stretch and looked up at the sky. "Ugh..." you looked back into his green eyes, burning your soul into sparks and bitses. "But it's so beautiful here." you let out a small whine and he chuckled.

"Well, (y/n)(y/l/n). I didn't think you did romance." he teased.

"I don't. I let the man do all the romance for me." you stepped on your tiptoes and brushed your nose against his.

"That's a bit unfair."

"I wouldn't worry if I were you, Lupin. I have time to make it fair."

"Glad to hear it."

#remus lupin #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin imagine #james potter #james potter x reader #james potter imagine #marauders #marauders imagine #marauders imagines #marauders x reader

180 notes · View notes

thehighpriestess1 · 3 years ago

Text

The SDF: 12 part that was rejected. It had major angst and was going to be the last part with not so happy ending but I decided to continue the series a little longer.

Some scenarios are same but changed...idk how else to describe it. Not edited, just posting because I wanted you to read the rejected draft.

Mei looked up at the creme coloured ceiling as her back pressed against the soft silk sheets. This was a welcomed feeling after sleeping in the hospital waiting room for two days. She thought about her father and how his head hung low in shame because of her. How he didn’t speak a word to her for the entirety of the car ride. How he refused to look at her as her mother ran and hugged her. She pulled a pillow over her face and screamed into it. Screamed in frustration of losing everything in just two days, things that she had worked for, for the past 8 years the only dream she harboured was to make her father proud, the only man she carried in her heart, Gojo Satoru, Everything was ruined. Everything. Now she was reduced to just a working class slave who lived in a mansion.

She screamed and she screamed till her throat gave up. When the anger subsided, it was replaced by sadness. She heaved as he wiped her tears from her eyes and wondered where she went wrong. Sure she regretted everything she had done, she regretted telling her uncle about you. When she saw you in the hospital, lying unconscious as Gojo whispered threats into her ear, she realised what she had done. She wanted to apologise to you but the guards stopped her and now..now her own father refused to even look at her.

No ego ever survives the test of time and her ego was crushed under your kindness. Even the mightiest of rulers had to fall from grace, and she was no ruler, she was a mere pawn in the hands of Gojo Satoru. She had witnessed first hand his insanity, his wrath, his desperation, his want..and what he was willing to do. It scared her to think what he might do to her, she could not flee this punishment and will have to walk the plank with her head held high even if she knew she was going to fall in the end.

She thought about you, You who didn’t come from money or social connections, a stranger in this gilded world of hers and wondered what did Gojo see in you. Why was it you and not her? In her plan of winning over Gojo to impress her father she ended up falling for him. She knew everything about him, what he liked, what he disliked and more. She knew the measurements of his suits, the kind of shoes he preferred, the kind of watches he liked and yet he never noticed any of it..All he saw was you..Why were gods so unfair to her? Why can’t anything go her way?

She wiped the last of tears and decided that she was going to carve out her own path. She was going to take charge of her own destiny, one in which she would always get what she wants. Her phone rang by her side and she picked it up to see a list of instructions from Miwa. Right…She takes instructions from Miwa now.

Miwa : Pick up phone and other documents for Ms.Y/n from the office and bring it to the hospital by noon.

Mei scoffed at the message. Ms.Y/n. Why was everyone treating you like you were the head of the Gojo group? You probably didn't even have to do anything anymore as everything was done for you by others, by people like her.

She greeted her father the next morning at breakfast but was met with the same stone cold face. He folded his newspaper and kept it on the table. “I’m leaving for work”. He announced to his wife as he picked up his briefcase. “You should drop Mei at work”. Her mom said looking at her and Mei excitedly got up.

Her father turned towards her with a frown on his face. “Mei, You have disgraced our family. You have no right to even be under this roof. But because you are my blood I cannot throw you out on the streets but let me make myself very clear, From today… You will receive no favours from anyone in this family. I have spoken to my accountant and your account will be frozen today. You will spend what you earn, If you want to go to work then either buy a car or take the bus I do not care..I have had enough of you”.

“Dad please..You cannot do this to me”.

“I am not going to repeat myself. Either you live this way or you are welcomed to move out”. Mei looked at her mother for help but got none. “Dad…”.

“Be glad I have allowed you to have the Takahashi name..”.

-X-

You woke up the next day to see Gojo sitting by your side typing on his phone. You groaned as you tried to sit and he immediately kept his phone away and helped you up. “Good morning”. He said kissing your forehead. “Good morning, did you sleep well?”.

“I did. What about you? Are you hurting?”. You shook your head. “Are you going to stay here?”. Gojo looked up at you in confusion. “Yes”. You huffed and tried getting out of bed and Gojo was immediately on your side stretching his hand out to help you get up. “You don’t have to be here all the time”. Gojo chuckled slightly. “I want to. Is it so bad having me around?”. You scoffed at him. “Yes. Can you call the nurse, I guess they have to redo some bandages”. Gojo nodded and pressed the button. “You’ll have to wait outside you know?”. You looked side eyed at him. “Oh. Right. I’m sorry”. Gojo grabbed his phone and walked out of the room as the nurses stepped inside.

Gojo waited outside for the nurses to be done when he saw Shoko running towards him. “Is she done?”. She asked panting. “Not yet..what happened?”. She chuckled at him as she pressed a hand over her chest to catch her breath. “Did you guys make up?”. Gojo’s ears turned pink and Shoko smirked at him. “Not really… She’s not pushing me away at least”

“Oh..then you are going to love the news I have for her”. Before Gojo could ask further the nurse announced that they can go inside now. Shoko beat Gojo to the door and looked at you with an evil grin. You looked at her in confusion and then at equally confusing Gojo behind her. “What happened?”.

Shoko turned around and looked at Gojo, “You need to sit for this”. She waved her hand towards the chair and Gojo followed it. “Y/n. Dr.Utahime is busy in OT so another doctor is going to do your check up today”.

“Okay..is it going to be you?”. Shoko bit her lip and shook her head. “Do you remember that colleague of mine I set you up with?”. You frowned in confusion while Gojo’s mouth hung open. “Which colleague?”. He asked, making his mind up to call the director and change the doctor immediately.

“You know y/n, the one whose heart you broke, you thought he had nice hair and was very kind and funny and sweet and hot..”. Shoko could have told you the name directly but the look on Gojo’s face was worth the effort. “Oh no..”. You said, your eyes widening in realisation.

“Oh yes…him..”. Your cheeks flushed at thinking about him. “Noritoshi…”. Shoko nodded and smirked at Gojo. “Gojo, I think we should leave now, it’s time for y/n’s check up”. Gojo glared at her, “I’m not leaving. He can do what he wants in my presence”.

“That would be really inappropriate. We might have to undress y/n so he could get a better look at her wounds”.

“It won’t be necessary”. Gojo said, folding his hands. There was no way in hell he was going to let a man near you, especially someone from your past.

“It is absolutely necessary Mr.Gojo. It won’t be the first time he is seeing her-”.

“Enough”. You said, cutting Shoko off. Gojo frowned at her insinuation. Did you guys..?.”I can look after myself…and both of you can stay..it would be awkward if I am alone with him”. You bit your lip thinking about the awkwardness. “Why would it be awkward?”. Gojo asked, jealousy evident in his tone.

“Because she didn’t call him back..”. You looked down at your hands, refusing to meet Gojo’s gaze. “How many dates did you guys go to?”. Shoko walked over and sat next to Gojo. “They went on two dates”. You slowly lifted your head up and looked at Shoko, “Four..we went on four dates..”.

“Four?! You told me it was only two!”.

“Well..it was initially only two but then..we met at a cafe and..things happened”.

“What things?”. Gojo aske, jumping in the conversation. You rolled your eyes at him. “You know….”.

The door opened and your eyes were met with a pair of hazel ones. "Hello y/n".

"Hello .. doctor-".

"Please call me Noritoshi, you don't have to be so formal with me. I believe Dr.Shoko has told you about-". Gojo cut him off with a glare on his face, "Yes she did."

"Great then. Dr.Shoko I believe it's best for you and our guest here to step outside for-".

"I will stay here. You can proceed with your assessment". Noritoshi looked at Shoko who shrugged her shoulders. "It's fine Noritoshi, they can stay". You said, embarrassed by the two monkeys sitting next to your bed. One who looked like he was about to throw hands with the doctor and another who was just here for the show.

"Alright then. Let me help you with your shirt". Gojo got up and put his hand between Noritoshi and you. "I will help her with that". Your cheeks turned red at the prospect and you waved your hand in front of your face, "I can manage it on my own".

Shoko sat there smiling, wishing she had some popcorn to go with this drama. You lifted the shirt up for the doctor to examine the stitches. Gojo saw for the first time the scars that littered your torso, the stitches below your ribs, tiny red lines across your back and on your stomach, he saw your ribs poking out and how much weight you had lost compared to the last time he saw you.

You turned towards Noritoshi as he examined each wound carefully, making sure it was clean and not infected. He ran his gloves hands over the stitch marks under your ribs, "Does it hurt?". He looked up at you. "No.. sometimes it feels tight ..". Noritoshi humed in response and brought his face closer to your ribs, Gojo clenched his hands and Shoko had to hold his arm to keep him from starting something.

He leaned towards Shoko and whispered, "Is he supposed to be that close?"

"It's his job!".

"But that's close!".

"He has been closer you know". She looked at Gojo with a smirk and relished the feeling of watching his face turn red.

"That's alright..It looks like most of the scars are healing and I can give you some ointment for it". He smiled as he helped you put your shirt back on. "Thank you..". Gojo scoffed, "It's his job, you don't need to thank him". You glared at him and Noritoshi chuckled, "It's fine y/n. He's right. You don't have to thank me afterall we are friends".

He sat near your foot and unwrapped the bandages across your sprained ankle. "Looks like the swelling is down".

"That's nice to hear".

"It seems this foot of yours is unlucky". You laughed at his reference to when you tripped and injured your ankle after a date and he had to carry you home. "I guess it is."

"What's so funny? She's injured and can barely walk.. what's funny about it?". Gojo said, looking at the man.

"It's an old story Mr.Gojo".

"Tell me, this story of yours". Noritoshi looked at you and you smiled apologetically and turned your gaze towards Gojo. "I injured the same foot before when we…when we met and luckily he was there".

"It seems he is the one who is unlucky for you". You rolled your eyes at him. "Gojo can you please..".

"It's alright y/n. Everything looks fine and I think you will have a speedy recovery".

"Thank God. I am dying of boredom here".

"W'll if you ever get bored you can give me a call and I would love to keep you entertained..and not to forget I make the best coffee". He said, winking at you.

"Well I would only if you agree that I make the best coffee". Shoko bit her lip trying not to smile at Gojo's expression.

"Aahh I see, you'll have to refresh my memory for that".

"Maybe I will". You said smiling at him, unaware of the dark aura surrounding Gojo.

"Alright I'll see you then. Have a good day. You too Mr.Gojo". He smiled at Shoko and left the room.

Shoko got up and turned towards both of you, "I'll get going and y/n let me know if you want me to set up another date with-".

"Shoko!". Shoko giggled and waved her hand, leaving you and Gojo alone.

"What was that about?". You asked, your gaze throwing daggers at Gojo. "What are you talking about?".

"You were rude to him".

"Right ..I apologise for being rude to your friend". Gojo leaned into his chair pouting at you. "Gojo .".

"Satoru …call me Satoru. Not Gojo". You sighed at his antics. "Fine. Satoru. He is my friend and yes we went on a few dates-".

"Four dates. You went on four dates".

"Fine…four dates. But that was that. Nothing happened." Gojo raised an eyebrow at you. "Fine! Some things happened but it's all in the past now".

"Where did you go on dates?".

"We went to cafes the first two times, second time we went for dinner and third time was at a park".

"Which cafe? Where did you go for dinner? Which park was it?". You looked at him confused, was he being serious? Or was all this just his childish antics to annoy you.

"We went to that cafe near our apartment, went to Jefford's for dinner and we went to the park behind our apartment. Happy now?".

"Why didn't you call him?". You crossed your arms over your chest and squinted your eyes at him. "Because the next day I got a call from Nanami to look after Kiro and the same day a very annoying neighbour moved in".

Gojo smiled proudly at you. "Good. He wasn't even that good looking and who goes to Jefford's for dinner? Could have at least taken you someplace good".

"It was good and I liked it. He is funny, smart and kind..". Gojo scoffed, "I am sure I can make better coffee than him". You had to bite back your smile at his words. "Sure..you add coffee to your sugary drink".

"He was clearly flirting with you".

"No he wasn't. He was just being friendly..".

Gojo’s phone rang and he groaned in frustration. “Yes Mrs.Tanaka….mmhmm..that’s good…I’m not sure if I could stop by…can’t anyone else handle it? .. fine….I'll let you know”. Gojo cut the call and sighed. You understood that he needed to be in office. “You can go to the office”.

“I can’t. Not with you still injured”. He said typing instructions for someone on his phone.

“I’m not injured. I can walk and use one of my hands. I will be fine”. He looked up at you and shook his head. “No”.

“Satoru! I said I am fine! Go to work! Anyway I need to take medicine and sleep anyway. You can get your work done at that time”. Gojo pondered over your suggestion, It made sense but it was still risky. You read his face and rolled your eyes at his stubbornness. “You have your guards here..it’s only a matter of two hours or so..I’ll be fine. Probably asleep..”.

“Fine. But if anything happens you tell the guards. Anything y/n... Do you understand?”. Gojo got up and looked at you with all seriousness, like he didn’t trust you to be on your own and it annoyed you but you nodded at him, hoping that he understands“I do.”.

Gojo walked out but before leaving for work he paid a visit to the director to make sure Dr.Utahime is always available for you..

-X-

Gojo was gone for over an hour and you were getting bored out of your mind. You had been cooped up inside the room for too long and Gojo didn’t even trust you to walk on your own two legs. This was your chance to walk around and probably meet Shoko. The only problem…the guards. You stood near the door and gave yourself a pep talk. They are just guards, I haven’t done anything wrong so why am I worried about them? If anything happens I can always use Shoko. You took a deep breath and pressed the button to open the door. One step..two steps..”Ma’am is there anything you need?”

“No. I am just going out”. The second guard pulled the wheelchair and stood in front of you, “We are not to leave you alone, I can take you wherever you want to go”. You looked at the dreaded wheelchair. “I can walk fine on my own”. You said, trying to get past him but he blocked your way once again. “Ma’am please understand, we cannot let you go alone” You groaned, “Please..”. The guards looked at you in confusion and then at each other. “We..we cannot let you go alone”.

“Fine! But stay at a distance..”. The guards nodded and walked behind you. “How long have you been working for Gojo?”.

“Two years ma’am”.

“You don’t have to call me ma’am. You can call me y/n”. You walked ahead towards the end of the hallway. “No ma’am”. You chuckled and shook your head. There were more guards present at the entrance of the floor. They straightened up and then bowed at you. “Hi. How are you guys doing?”.

“We are good ma’am”. They said in unison. “Nice”,you chuckled nervously and got in the elevator. You turned towards one of the guards standing behind you, “What’s your name?”. He bowed down formally, “My name is Yuki Hiro ma’am!”.

“Okay, Yuki tell me how many guards are there in total?”.

“There are 8 of us on the floor and 10 around the hospital”.

“Satoru is not here so do you still need to be in the hospital..all 18 of you?”.

“We are here as your guards ma’am, Mr.Gojo has his personal guards”.

“My guards? all of you?Why?”.

“Yes ma’am, Mr.Gojo’s order”.

“So if I tell you to do one thing and Mr.Gojo asks you to do another, whom would you listen to?”. Yuki looked at his partner who shrugged at him. “We are here to protect you, so we'll follow the order that aligns with our aim”. His partner gave him a proud nod. The elevator opened on the common floor, as you got out all eyes turned towards you and the guard behind you. You walked around, hoping to find something interesting to do and come up with a way to be on your own. Then it clicked, You turned around and smiled at them, “I need to use the restroom, both of you wait here..it’s an order?”. You were more unsure of your ‘order’ than they were. They exchanged confused looks, “Don’t tell me you intend to follow me into the restroom?”.

“No ma’am! We would never! We apologize!”. You chuckled nervously and stepped back pointing your thumb towards the washroom. “I’ll be off then..wait right here.”.

“Yes ma’am”. You walked towards the restroom slowly, waiting for the perfect opportunity to sneak away. This has become an interesting game. You looked back and saw them staring in your direction. You opened the restroom door and just then a crowd of people walked in between you and the guards and instead of stepping in you turned and walked in between the crowd, keeping your head low. You managed to reach the end of the hallway and stepped away from the crowd, you looked behind and saw no one and sighed in relief. Now you were free..

-X-

Gojo returned with Miwa and was greeted by the guards at the elevator. “Ms.Y/n is not in her room sir. She has gone down”. Gojo frowned at them. “When?”. There was no need for you to go down..

“An hour ago.”.

“What about her guards?”.

“They went along with her”. Something felt wrong. “Call them and ask them where they are”. The guard pulled out his phone and before he could dial Yuki, he got a call from him. Gojo saw this and looked at him, “Put it on speaker”.

“Yes Yuki”.

“We can’t find Ms.Y/n”. Gojo snatched the phone from him and yelled into the mic, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN’T FIND HER?!”.

“I..I apologise sir. She said she needed to go to the restroom and asked us to wait for her. When she didn’t come out for 20 minutes we had one of the nurses go check on her and it was empty. We have checked the entire floor and went through the first 10 floors of the building but we can’t find her”. Gojo’s grip tightened on the phone before he threw it at the wall, shattering it to pieces. “Go find her! NOW!”.

Miwa tried calming Gojo down, “It’s fine Mr.Gojo. I am sure we will find her”. Gojo turned towards his guards.“What is the layout of the hospital?”.

“Sir, we have three buildings joined by the common ground and each building has 30 floors, we have accessed the CCTV footage and we are looking for her”.

Gojo ran his hand through his hair and ran down the staircase to look for you..

You looked up at the hospital map on the wall, looking for a way to reach Shoko’s office. You had explored enough and were getting tired now. Soo I am in building 2 and Shoko and my room is in building 1. I can take a lift to the common hall, cross over, take the elevator to Shoko’s floor and that's all…

You reached Shoko’s floor and walked towards her office. “Ms.Y/n''. You turned around at the all too familiar voice and saw Mei standing in front of you. Looking better than the last time you had seen her. “What are you doing here?”.

“I am here to drop something for Miwa..”.

“Then go your way”. You said, turning around. “Y/n..please..”.

“What do you want from me?”.

“I realised I never really got to apologise to you. My father did but I didn’t…so I am sorry for everything I did to you. I really didn’t mean for things to go this far”.

“Fine. I heard you”. Mei tried reaching for your hand but her hand stopped mid way when a loud voice was heard making both you and Mei flinch. “DO NOT TOUCH HER!”.

You turned around and saw Gojo practically running towards you with his guards behind him. “Satoru..”.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?!”. He yelled at Mei, making her flinch. “Mr.Gojo I..I was just apo..apologising to Ms.Y/n..I wasn’t trying to..wasn’t trying to hurt her”.

“And you expect me to believe that? How did you know where she was? Did you follow her?”. He stood between you and Mei, shielding you behind his broad shoulders. If you could, you would see the terrified eyes of Mei and how her hand trembled by her side. But your own body seemed to be giving up on you. You clenched his shirt as you tried to maintain your balance.

“No .., I..I was coming to see Miwa and I saw Ms.Y/n walking this way and..and I just wanted to talk to her..”. Gojo gritted his teeth and took a step towards her but you stopped him, you tugged his shirt and he turned around to look at you. He took your face in his hands and bent down to check for any signs of discomfort on your face, “Y/n..are you fine? Are you hurt? Did she do anything?”. He was panting, barely able to keep his eyes focused. “I’m ..fine..just tired. Mei didn’t do anything”. He shook his head and looked at the guards, “Call Dr.Shoko right now!”.

Gojo picked you up in one swift motion and walked towards your room. You could see his jaw tense as he carried you along the hallway. “I’m fine. Really…”. Gojo didn’t answer or look at you. His grip on your body is tightening slightly.

He gently put you on your bed as the two guards stood near your bed with their heads down. "We apologise ma'am".

"No! It was my fault…please…Don't apologise. I'm fine". Gojo stood with his hands on his waist and looked at the two guards.

"You two had one fucking job! Both of you-" he said pointing his finger between them, "Both of you are fired!".

"Satoru no. Please it was my fault not theirs… don't fire them!".

"Y/n stay out of this..".

"I won't! You can’t fire them because of me…I swear I won’t do this again". Gojo gritted his teeth and looked at them. "Fine.. if that's what it takes.. but you will always have them by your side, is that clear?”. You nodded. You didn’t agree with him but you were not going to let someone lose their job because of you.

“You two can go now". The guards thanked you and him and left.

“What were you thinking y/n?”.

“I just wanted to walk around..I was bored..”.

“Walk around? In your condition? Did you even care to think about the consequences of your action?”.

“What consequences? Mei wasn’t going to hurt me”.

“We don’t know that!”.

“I know that! No one is coming to hurt me! Stop treating me like a child!”.

“Then stop acting like one! Anything could have happened to you! Mei could have hurt you! There are terrible people out there and we don’t know what they can do! You could have tripped and hurt yourself! You could have fainted in exhaustion!”. Gojo paced around running his hand over his face.

Shoko came running through the door, “What happened?!”. Gojo looked at you and bit the inside of his cheeks. “I went to walk around the hospital and he is overreacting”. Gojo scoffed at you, “Really y/n? She sneaked away from guards to walk around for an hour and bumped into Mei in an almost empty hallway”.Shoko looked between the two of you. “Fine..how about we all calm down okay? Y/n are you hurt? How’s your ankle?”.

“It’s fine”. Shoko walked over to your bed and gently pressed your ankle, you hissed in pain. Gojo glared at you, making you look away from him. “Hmm, it is swollen. You shouldn’t have walked around for that long”.

“I know that, I just lost my way..”.

“Which you wouldn’t have if you would have kept the guards around!”. Before you could retaliate Shoko kept her hand on your shoulder. “Satoru, can you give me a minute with y/n?”. Gojo grabbed his coat and stormed out of the room.

“You need to go easy on him y/n. He was worried about you”.

“Well he shouldn’t be. He is the one who is treating me like a kid!”.

“You are thinking from your point of view but put yourself in his shoes and think. He hasn’t slept well or eaten well in days now, juggling his time between hospital and office, constantly fretting over you while his father is ill too..he might not show it but he is breaking inside. He is just pretending to be strong and I know this because I have seen him break multiple times over the past day…You know he blames himself for everything that has happened ? He looks like he might pass out any minute but he is trying to be strong for you..so please try to take care of yourself if not for yourself then maybe for him”.

“It’s not like I want him to worry over me..I just don’t want to be treated like a child”. Shoko smiled gently. “I understand..but he is going to be that way whether you like it or not so try not to fight with him and for once in your life y/n let someone take care of you...”.

-X-

Gojo paced around the hallway thinking about what just happened. He was lucky he could reach you on time before anything bad could happen to you..but was he always going to be by your side? He couldn’t risk this happening again..

He saw Mei walking behind Miwa with her head down. "Miwa".

"Yes Mr.Gojo".

"Do you have what I asked for?" She nodded and handed him the bag. Gojo took the phone out and inspected it. He had spyware installed in it with which he could track your location. After what happened today it only made sense to him to keep an eye on you at all times. He pulled out his own phone and tested it. Once he was satisfied he kept the phone back in the box.

"Why is she here?". He asked Miwa. "Mr.Gojo, I was with you in the meeting so I asked her to bring the phone. I apologise for what happened today".

Gojo sighed as he stared at Mei. "Fine. But make sure it doesn't happen again… what is the update on the house?".

"Yes, everything is done except Ms.y/n's wardrobe".

"Why? What's taking so long?".

"I have yet to pick up her clothes from her home and I need Ms.Shoko's permission".

"No need for that.”.He looked at Mei and sighed.” Take Mei with you and make sure it is done in three days and make sure she has clothes for every occasion and anything else that can be necessary".

"Sure Mr.Gojo. How is she doing now?".

"She's fine, Miwa, get me coffee. I need to talk to Mei".

Mei watched Miwa walk away and fear crawled up her spine. Gojo took slow steps towards her till she was caged between him and the wall.

"Mei.. you are lucky y/n has forgiven you, if it wasn't for her then let's just say you won't be standing on two feet..so try to hurt her again and I will forget the mercy she has shown you".

"Mr.Gojo.. I wasn't trying to hurt her..I swear…".

"You're off the hook…for now…you'll have to work really hard because my patience with you is running really low"

-X-

Shoko left soon and you sat alone on the bed, looking at the door, expecting him to walk in. You waited for an hour and had almost given up and were about to turn away and sleep when you heard the door open. Gojo walked in carrying a paper bag in his hand. You didn’t know what to say so you decided to fix your eyes on your lap. “Are you still mad at me?”. He asked , keeping the bag on the table as he sat next to your bed. You shook your head which made strands of your hair fall on your face. Gojo reached out and tucked them behind your ear, tilting your face to look at him. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you”.

“I..it was my fault. I shouldn’t have done that..I know I am causing way too much trouble for you. You have to stay here because of me and you can barely eat or sleep..I hate it..”. Gojo smiled as he rubbed your cheeks. “Don’t worry about me. I am fine as long as you’re fine”.

“How’s your father doing?”.

“He’s better now that he has retired from work. I am sure it was all those board members who were giving him a hard time..He came to see you but you were unconscious”.

“Why? I thought he disliked me..”. Gojo chuckled and kissed the back of your hand. “He had a change of heart..”.

-X-

Mei sat with Miwa in the backseat as Ijichi drove them to the house Gojo had picked out for both of you. “I have Ms.Y/n’s measurements with me. We need to finalise a few finishing touches and then we can go shopping”.

“Sure..But if I may ask, Why another house?”.

“Mr.Gojo was adamant about the type of house he wanted for Ms.Y/n. The other penthouses and his ancestral home are in the heart of the city and Mr.Gojo wants privacy..I had shown him 10 properties and the moment he laid his eyes on this one, he knew it was the one”.

“So are they..getting married?”. Miwa locked her ipad and let out a hopeful sigh... “Not yet..But i hope they do!”. Mei nodded and looked out the window, trying to hide the burn in her chest. The car stopped outside a mansion with a traditional exterior with a modern touch. It was surrounded by lush green trees and looked like a vacation house. Mei got down and saw the full stretch of the property, it must have been thrice the size of her own house.``It’s..beautiful..”.

“I know! Let’s go!”. Miwa said, leading the way. Mei followed her inside and saw the wooden interior, she turned around trying to take it all in. People were moving inside in every direction. Some were fixing a table, hanging a painting, some were trying to fix the carpet. Miwa saw her looking at everything in amazement and confusion, “Mr.Gojo wants it to be done as soon as possible”.

Mei nodded and followed Miwa upstairs. “Where are we going?”.

“I need to check if they are done with the interior of the wardrobe and master bedroom”. Mei nodded and walked behind her into the master bedroom. The bedroom was bigger than any she had ever seen, every corner of the room looked like it was handcrafted and fixed there by some master craftsman.

“Who is the interior designer?”.

“Some man from Rome whose name I can’t pronounce..When Mr.Gojo and Ms.Y/n were young, she mentioned an interior designer she saw in a magazine and how she wished one day she could see his work. Mr.Gojo remembered that and flew in the decorator from Rome just so he could have a perfect home. He picked out this house …I think… three months ago, right and started the work…”.

“Three months ago? I thought they weren't together”.

“It didn’t matter. Mr.Gojo was confident that one day he will bring Ms.Y/n here and he wanted it to be perfect.. Let’s check on the wardrobes. The bedroom looks fine..".

Mei wondered if she ever really stood a chance. She remembered three months ago when she thought she had Gojo right where she wanted, how wrong she was. Even when Gojo was not with you, he was hopeful. Hopeful enough to do all this….

Mei walked behind Miwa who led her through a door from one end of the bedroom. They entered a room the same size as the bedroom with matching carpets and mirrors along the walls. Shelves were being fixed in place. “Are you sure it's the wardrobe? It's too big …”.

“Yes, this is the wardrobe.. is just the first level, we have to check on the second level as well…so as per the instructions the first level is for casual and office wear so we need type A cases and evening wear is on the second level so there should be the second type of racks...perfect… I just hope the interior is in sync..”.

Mei watched Miwa climb stairs to the second level and looked around. If only I hadn’t messed it all up… She walked around running her hands through the shelves and satin lined chairs. For a moment she imagined herself here … with Gojo by her side. Getting ready together for work…She believed that Gojo would never be happy with you. The love wasn't equal, he was clearly more in love with you whereas you were just trying to live your life.. Should she be brave enough to try? Or play it safe? She was snapped out of her thoughts when she heard Miwa walk down. "We are done here … everything seems to be in order".

"Where are we going now?". Mei clasped her hand in front of her and smiled gleefully. “To pick up something special”.

Mei and Miwa stood in front of the manager as he placed the velvet box in front of them. Mie gasped at the emerald cut diamond ring fitted between velvet cushions. “It’s beautiful”. It was the most beautiful ring she had ever seen. Miwa looked at the manager, “Is it fitted to the size?”.

“Yes ma’am. Let me show you”. The manager put on a silk glove and gently took the ring out and placed it on a metal cone, Miwa squinted and checked the measurements on the side and nodded. “Perfect..Please pack it securely. Also I would like to check the other ring as well”.

“Miwa..is it for y/n”. Miwa didn’t answer and simply smiled at her. “The ring originally belonged to Mr.Gojo’s mother. He took the permission from his father and had it altered to fit perfectly”. Mei hummed and looked at her own hand..”What about the other ring?”.

“Oh that is for the..big day..Mr.Gojo wanted to carry on family tradition but also wanted to add something of his own..”.

Mei stayed silent the entire time the manager showed the other ring to Miwa. She wondered if in another life she would get to be with Satoru..If he would look at her the same way he looks at you..She remembered how once at a party Gojo’s dad joked about giving her the Gojo family ring and now it was here in front of her..fitted for someone else..

-X-

You lay on your bed in the dark hospital room, Gojo sleeping on the chair next to you. No matter how many times you asked him to sleep on the bed on the other end of the room he insisted on staying by your side. The clock on the wall showed 06:25 AM, the events of the previous week playing in your head. The fight with Gojo, Miwa,Nanami…Mei..It was your last day here and you had no idea what to do anymore..

You sighed as you tried to turn around, your body stiff from lying down in one position, you needed to stretch your legs. You looked at Gojo to confirm that he was still asleep before pulling yourself up and swinging your legs over to the other side of the bed. You huffed as you sat upright and pulled yourself up. You looked back once more to confirm that he was still asleep before making your way over to the window.

You took a deep breath as you rested your elbows on the window sill, keeping the crutch on the side. Beneath you could see the vast garden looking over to a small pond with sleeping swans, beyond the boundaries of the hospital was the sleeping Tokyo city. The air felt fresh but your lungs hurt a little every time you stretched your chest. Shoko had told you it was because of the stitch near your ribs and it will be fine in a week.

You thought about what you had done. To be honest, you were scared of her..Mei. It was all a gamble, having a woman like her around was only safe if you had someone like Gojo by your side and you were not even sure if you wanted to have Gojo by your side..Was it right to go back to Gojo? To forgive him? What were the chances that you might end up getting hurt again? Can you even trust him? What if he cheats on you with Mei and you end up going through the same cycle again? Would you be able to survive that? The darkness of the night seeped into your mind and it conjured up the worst of scenarios and a familiar ache spread through your heart, tears rolled down your cheeks as your body shuddered, trying to suppress the panic bubbling inside you. You put your hand above your mouth to cover your whimpering but it only made you pity yourself..

You removed your hand and clasped the railing tightly and heaved, trying desperately for the panic to pass.. You wanted it all to end, you wanted it to end! End it.End everything it’s the only way I’ll ever know peace..You brain sabotaging your life with dreadful scenarios of the future. I am nothing but a burden on everyone!. You heaved as you looked down at the ground. Do it..do it..it’s the only way.

Gojo tried reaching for your hand in his sleep but was met with a flat cold bed. He opened his eyes and sat the pillow lying idle, he straightened up and saw you leaning against the window, looking down. His brain conjured up his worst fear as he lunged towards you.

“Y/n!”. His voice made you flinch. You turned around and were met with a pair of anxious cerulean eyes. Before you could say another word Gojo stepped towards you and pulled you into his arms. Your face clashed with his chest as his one hand found purchase at the back of your head while the other one snaked around your waist. “What…what were you doing?”. His voice wavered, you could hear his heart beat loudly against your ear. You clenched his shirt as you sobbed.

“Y/n…what were you doing?”. He asked in barely a whisper, afraid of the answer but desperate for it anyway. ”I’m fine..I was just..I just needed some fresh air”. He pulled back and looked at your face, “You should have woken me up..It’s not safe..”. You looked at your feet. “I’m fine..it’s nothing”. Gojo cupped your cheeks and tilted your face upwards towards him, “It’s not nothing..Tell me what happened”.

“It's just..I don't know…I was thinking too many things and I..I panicked and ...I don't know..”. Gojo looked sadly at you. “It’s fine..I’m right here y/n”.

You pulled yourself away from him, “And what happens when you’re not? What would happen to me when you leave me or..or you end up being the one hurting me again? It would be better if you leave me now..You have apologised to me and I have accepted it so why are you still here?”. You said, turning away from him. “I told you I am not going to leave your side..”.

“I don’t need your protection”. Gojo pulled you towards him again, “It’s not just that..Do you really expect me to..to just leave you?”.

“You’ve done it before…”. You looked at your feet in embarrassment, aware of the affects your words had on him.

“But this is different!”.

“How? don’t tell me it’s because you know the truth. You could have tried to know the truth. Heck you didn’t even have to try hard, you could have just asked or just..believed me. You know the truth now because it didn’t come from me..if..if you really loved me then tell me why is it that you always believed others over me? Why? Did I not deserve your trust? What good is this love of yours if I have to..If I have to run around to prove myself every! Single! time!”. Your mind was running in circles around the same argument, same fear..

“Y/n..I don’t know how to make you believe me. I..I almost lost you-”.

“You’ve lost me many times before, the only difference is that I had to almost die for you to see it”. Gojo’s face turned a shade pale. You hated reminding him it was all his fault, you truly hated seeing his face drop every time the accident came up but a part of you was hurting him to protect yourself..

“Just tell me what to do..tell me how do I make you believe me?”.

“Let me go..”. Gojo looked at you with teary eyes and shook his head. “Let me go Gojo”.

“No. No no no..anything but that..anything but that y/n. I can’t do that. I can’t let you go. I won’t-”.

“Not even to make me happy?”. Shiver ran down his spine, Did you really want him to leave you? No… Would you really be happy without him? No..He knew only he could keep you happy and you knew only he had the power to hurt you…

Gojo's body trembled as he stood frozen to the ground.“Will you be happy? Will you be happy if I let you go?”.

“I know that if I stay with you I will probably never be able to trust you and I want to trust you..I will end up making your life miserable”.

“You can never make my life miserable y/n,. It was miserable without you..I know you think that I had everyone around me and that I moved on but..I couldn’t. I was miserable. There were people around but no one to talk to, no one to lean on my shoulder, no one to draw silly things on my hand, no one to..no one to hold onto after a bad day, no one to annoy, no one to laugh with..”. Gojo looked down and gulped, trying with every fibre of his being to not break down. “..no one who could touch me like you, no one who smelled like you, no one who sounded like you…I had no one to call my own and everyday I would go to bed praying to get out of this misery. Praying that I could go back in time to that day when I made the biggest mistake of my life, the day I left you and fix it..I..I am ready to do whatever it takes ..”.

You felt his trembling hand gripping your arms for life. His words slurred and mixed up, he couldn’t focus, his eyes hooded. “Go..jo..are you-”. You called out for him and cupped his cheeks. “This is not just guilt y/n, you're all I have, you're all I want..I have lived a life full of lies, everyone has lied to me and you're the only truth I know now..so don’t ask me to let you go..I can’t..I can’t…”. Tears fell down his cheeks, you wiped them away with your thumb and saw the genuine sadness and want in his eyes and cursed yourself for even bringing up anything.. He held your hand cupping his cheeks and brought them to his lips, he kissed them once..twice..before pressing them on his face once again. “Give me one last chance y/n. That’s all I ask..”.

In another life, where your past had no power over you, maybe just maybe you would have allowed yourself to love and be loved..You wished you had the courage or kindness it needed to move one but you didn’t..You wished you weren’t so scared of the future but you were..You wished you could just hold his hand and not care about anyone around you but you couldn’t …“I can't. I’m sorry…”.

“No..Y/n please no…”.

“I wish I could forget everything that has happened and ..and continue to live my life with you but I can’t. I can’t .. I can’t forget every name that people have called me..I can’t forget what Alice went through..I can’t forget anything..”.

“Y/n we can try..I know we can..if you can forgive Mei then-”.

“I can forgive Mei because she doesn’t mean anything to me..but you were one person I relied on Satoru. I loved you..”.

“Y’n..please..you need to give it some time..I don’t know what to do..fuck ..y/n please..”.

“I think I need to be on my own for some time…I need to leave..I need to do this for myself..I owe this to myself..”.

“Then I’ll stay by your side..I’ll go wherever you go..”.

“I want to be away from..you”.

-X-

“Y/n are you sure?”. Shoko said, handing you a folded shirt. “Yes I am”. She sighed and looked at you. “But you are not just leaving him, you are also leaving me. What am I going to do without you? Who is going to listen to me rant about work and Geto?”.

“You can always call me”. She threw a t- shirt on your face. “It’s not the same! And there is a time difference! It’s going to be hell. Do you even have the internet there?”.

“Yes they do, It’s not great but it’s enough and you barely sleep anyway. You don’t have to worry about the time difference!”. Shoko groaned in response and you could only chuckle. “Do you really have to go?”.

“Yes sho, I do. You of all the people should know why”. She sighed and nodded. “Yeah I understand. It doesn’t mean I don’t get to bitch about it. Did you talk to him? After getting discharged?”. You stopped your folding midway and shook your head. “No”.

“Do you..love him?”. You looked up at her, “Why are you asking that now?”.

“Because I need to know your feelings”.

“I do..I really really do love him”. Shoko saw how you tried to hide your face behind the shirt which looked too big to be yours. She got down from the bed and sat on the floor. She pulled down the shirt and saw the tears glossing your eyes. “It’s alright..”. You nodded your head and packed the white shirt.

“Don’t tell Geto about..this”.

“I won’t”.

“Be good to him. He is trying his best”.

“I know”.

“Don’t forget to eat meals between your shifts! You can't survive on nicotine and caffeine alone!”.

“I know”.

You got up and pulled her into a hug. “I’m going to miss you Sho!”.

“I’m going to miss you too”.

-X-

You sat next to Nanami on the beach, watching Kiro play in the sand. He was growing up so fast. “I’m going to miss Kiro”.

“He is going to miss you too. I’ll miss you too”. You turned towards the blond man and smiled. “I’ll miss you too Kento”.

“You know you could have come to Kyoto and stayed with us”.

“I know..But I guess I wanted to be alone for a while..”.

“I won’t question your decision. I just hope you are sure about it”.

“I am..”. Kiro waved at you and ran towards you. “Y/n chan! Are you really going far away?”. You pinched his cheeks lightly. “Yes”. Kiro looked at Nanami and then at you. “If I ask you to stay with me will you?”. Both you and Nanami chuckled at his innocence. “Hmmm why should I stay with you? I can barely cook right?”.

“I will share my room with you..”. You smiled at him and motioned him to come closer to you. You cupped your hand and whispered in his ear, “Promise me that you will annoy Kento for me”. You pulled back and held out your pinky finger. Kiro smiled and intertwined his pinky finger with yours. “Promise”.

Nanami sighed, “I don’t like the sound of that promise”.

“Kiro, promise me that you will not grow up too fast”. Kiro leaned in and kissed your cheeks. “Promise!”.

-X-

You were sitting near your boarding gate. The boarding pass felt a little too heavy on your lap..Your mind filled with only one thought, whether you were convincing yourself or whether it was the truth you’d never know..but it kept going through your mind like a mantra.