#no explanation and then tell my fucking SISTER of all people she wont be back until tomorrow

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

chat this is not my week

[compassionatereminders]

my sister is really bugging me lately. My dad says that I shouldn't let the way she treats him bug me, but it pisses me the fuck off tbh. She's fourteen and I recognize that that's young and that she's still growing up and she's not an adult, but it still feels like she's old enough to know better than to treat people with complete disrespect. The worst part is that when she gets herself into fights with someone else or causes a new problem or does something rude, she genuinely seems to think she's in the right and if you try to have a conversation she gets pissed off. She's so bad that when my dad went to talk to her a week ago, my eight year old sister literally said "i'm worried about daddy" and when I asked why she said it was because other sister gets in fights a lot and she was scared she was gonna hurt my dad. (She didn't, though she did yell at my dad who has never once hit any of us to hit her because he was confronting her about something she did and I think she wanted an excuse to say she'd call the cops? That's the literal only explanation I can think of, because I've heard her tell her to hit him so she could call the cops before, a few years ago.) Anyway that's not entirely relevant but it's just like she gets mad if someone wont do something for her and acts like no one loves her and I do feel bad for her because I know she's had breakdowns feeling like no one loves her from fights happening or from someone not wanting to be around her or hang out with her but the thing is while I do feel bad, no one owes her their time and when she acts like that, she can't really expect it. Like the eight year old, who she loves to flat out yell at when the eight year old just says something rude, and then defends herself by saying that she should be allowed to defend herself (which is not what anyone is saying when they point it out, we're just pointing out that her full on yelling at an eight year old who is much younger and wasn't screaming at her anyway isn't okay), will walk away from her because she's being rude and 14 year old will start yelling and complain to dad that no one likes her. But I feel like if even my 8 year old sister is realizing to just walk away from the situations instead of engaging because she's just so tired of it, that really says something about the consistency of these things. But anyway, all that said, basically I don't want to be in my sisters life at all (14 year old). Like she has redeeming moments but it's not enough with everything else. The other day she was rude to me and like 40 minutes later when we saw each other again, she said "name, I love you," I guess to move on from it and that's more maturity than she normally has, but I just feel like that's not enough. Like it's reaching out and it's nice but it's sure as hell not an apology or even an admission of guilt and since then she's caused more problems, with me and in general. So yeah I just genuinely don't want to be around her. Like I'm at a point where I'm like, maybe in a few years if she's a better person, I could forge a good relationship with her, but even if she became a million times better over night, being aound her and trying to be super friendly (I can be decently nice just fine even if it's a little annoying when things go unaddressed) right now or any time soon isn't something I want. Like I legitamately don't think she deserves my time and also she just makes me so miserable and I can't really explain this next part but just being around her doesn't FEEL nice even when she's being nice or better (which never last past the first slight disagreement. but even if it did).

But I'm legitamately afraid, too, because I know that most of my other sisters are also at that point with her (I have a lot of sisters, and 2 of them I don't think are done with her, one goes back and forth and the other I think is chill with her but I don't think they talk much) and I know that that adds to her feelings of isolation and feeling unloved and unwanted but like the thing is it's her actions that caused it and I feel like I shouldn't have to feel bad for her because she's created the situation she's in but she seems to legitamately not see that and I'm just fucking terrified because I know she has issues with depression and I know that she has self harmed before and I'm afraid that the isolation and those negative feelings could lead to something really bad. So I feel like telling people yeah it's okay to distance yourself from her and doing it myself could end badly and that just worries me because I don't want that for anyone and at the end of the day I do care about her and also I wouldn't want to see how that would affect my dad because he loves her so much but I also don't want to be around her and I don't think it's wrong to say to my sisters who have distanced themselves from her that they're not doing anything wrong and I am going to tell my eight year old sister that it's okay to walk away when she's being mean (not from the whole relationship, she wouldn't want to anyway, but just from the fights) even if it upsets 14 year old sister more. But about my distancing myself and what I feel like is holding a grudge which also makes me feel bad, I feel like a bad person for doing it when I know how she's feeling. And I know that she genuinely feels the way she does but at the same time I also feel like my dad keeps getting manipulated by it bc she does feel that way but she brings it up any time she's in trouble and then all of the sudden he's comforting her and feeling bad for saying anything. She also jokingly says 'oh so you don't love me' when she asks for something and my dad says no and that would be fine but she keeps insisting about whatever she wants after she says that and it'd be so much less annoying if it wasn't for how often she says it and for all the background information about her saying similar things in situations that I'm sure she does feel them but that make him feel bad for just parenting. But anyway sorry for the rant I know that's ridiculously wrong and you don't have to respond but I needed to get that out lol

I think your frustration and anger and hurt is completely valid, but I also don't think we can disregard that she is 14 and having mental health issues. So avoid her when you can and call her out when you have the energy and try not to feel bad about it, because you are allowed to have limits and boundaries. But maybe don't write her off completely while she is still in the early stages of puberty. There's a good chance this is a phase or at least something she can grow out of at a later point. Not that you are obligated to be there with zero concerns if she does. Being 14 excuses a lot of things, but not this level of consistent manipulation and disregard

[huntsman-ash]

LiveThoughts: RWBY V8E6

Second attempt at this since last time Chrome just DIED for no reason...

Im going to put literally the entire thing with Cinder under one note; Called it.

Its a great set of stuff, sure, but it doesnt relaly tell us anything we didnt already know about Cinder, and I personally feel it doesnt really explain why she turned out the way she did. I feel like we’ve had another weird twist of the situation again...M+K? Coronas fault? Who knows. Either way, this section isnt great by my taste and I kinda skipped most of it. 

Few things to note though; Apperently in Mistral scrubbing by hand is still more viable floor cleaning tech than using Dust.

The wind vane on the roof has the Rooster Teeth symbols rooster on it. 

The hotel Cinder is bought by is named the Glass Unicorn, fittingly enough for...several reasons. 

The coffees behind the stepsisters when we first see them are the animated versions of the real life stuff RT put out just before this season went live. 

No one seems to notice the fact cinder has orange eyes. I wonder if weird eye colors are just a THING in Remnant?

The control collar/shock thing is incredibly inefficient in design, since it doesnt actually hold on to her very well. A more effective brace/choker design would have worked better.

The song that goes on during all of this is...kind of obvious and a little bland? Fitting for younger Cinder I guess. 

Mmm. Random greasy huntsman. 

I guess in Atlas its fine to laugh at struggling teenagers?

Im going to assume there’s a 3+ year gap here where she gets older, cause she stops being smol and gets closer to how we see her now.

Also even here, in Atlas...really? The most effective way to clean these carpeted floors is to have a TEENAGER SCRUB THEM BY HAND?

How do you scrub...I assume its carpet anyway?

And how you tell civilians are lame in Atlas; they are impressed...by a sword.  Just a sword. A boring, half-cut sword. Losers.

I assume this would be Cinder’s semblance manifesting. Also note on the desk; “we do not serve faunus”. Well THAT doesnt surprise me.

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEHEHE. Get fucked Cinder. HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE

I dont even feel pity for her, this is funny to me.  Also the fact that this kind of shit aCTUALLY EXISTS is...amusing to me. Like, really? So I guess indentured servitude is a thing in Remnant too. 

And this is why Cinder likes to use swords. Really. Wow. LAMEO.

Huh. Dual maces. Interesting. Thats a prety cool weapon.  Looks like they open up too. Bet he could bash some skulls with that.

“Hurting them isnt going to make your life any better”. Um, excuse me? I think hurting them is the very best thing to do in this situation. At least, for the moment anyway. 

Huh. So she’s ten at this point? Even as a child, shes older than she looks. 

And training montage. Huh. Or at least I assume it is. I get the feeling being able to go where you want too and do what you want too is the main reason Hunters exist. There must be crazy tight immigration laws...or, maybe, its just that traveling between kingdoms is stupid dangerous cause of Grimm. I think the latter is most likely considering every form of public transit extra-kingdom we’ve seen (even between cities, see Argus Limited) has some kind of defensive weaponry. Limited and ineffective, for th emost part oddly.

So you can take the exam at 18. Okay cool. Pre-that must be prep school. Wonder what happens if you wash out? Also I like how this dude is just “yeah, 7 years of training, we got this.”

I think this is the first time we’ve seen the other side of the moon. Or at least, the proper other side...bloody hell I STILL dont know how all those piesces are still held in place, the thing looks like it should start yeeting bolides at Remnant. 

Better still we see it MOVE, rotate in time to the passing of years. So it literally does rotate on its own axis, and more importantly, unlike OUR moon, its NOT tidally locked. We only ever see the same side of our moon. REmnants rotates MUCH faster. Also it doesnt seem to have phases like ours does. I’ll check on why that is. 

Well at least we have an explanation for why Cinders so damn good at fighting people. Trained by an Atlas Huntsman.

Also as a note the device is quite literally just an electrical Dust crystal attached to a necklace. Things the most inefficent torture device Ive ever fucking seen. 

Wonder how often they have to change the crystal.

And there goes the moon rotating again.

I like how NO ONE comment on the blade going missing and that guy never came back for it. I guess he must have just bought a new one.

I get the very distinct feeling they wont just let her go honestly, permission or not. 

AWWW WE DONT EVEN GET TO SEE CINDER MURDER THE SISTERS. Also no blood. Odd.  Good kill on the  stepmother though. Oh, that NECK CRACK.  I like how all the bitch can do is try and shock Cinder, like, uh...adrenaline up? SHE HAS A SWORD? MAYBE FIGHT BACK?

Hah. Weak ass fuckin Atlas people.  Also the clock going off in the back ground twelve times. How fitting. Welcome to midnight. 

Also shes kind of glowing here cause the room is dark, and I find it amusing this is probably the last time she wears white.

And THERES the Cinder we know

Sick ass music, cool. Also THAT is an interesting semblance...I guess he turns himself to metal? Also DAMN his aura broke after THAT? Hes a Huntsman...ah who cares. Again probably in Cinders memory more than anything. Which at this point is probably about as reliable as a coked up hookers.

SHANKED. Sucker. You shoulda seen THAT one coming.

And thats all it took to get the shock collar off. Lol. 

So what happened to the hotel? Did they just...write it off? I mean four people got murdered in there...

And now we’re back on the whale. HOW THE SCREAMING FUCK DID CINDER JUST...

Wow. She just got up after eating that blast. Fucking plot armor.

Merc making the hard calls honestly.  Im actually gonna watch all of this now which is nice because I want to know whats happening in the real world. PITY MORE THAN HALF THE EPISODE WAS THIS FUCKING FILLER.

I like how Cinder just...goes quiet the moment she realizes shes lost Mercury. Not that he was USEFUL mind you but if I had to guess she liked being the boss. But now shes...basically back where she started. 

So the whale is basically a ship. It has a bridge. Probably Salems throne room.

Man, Oscars literally just RTs punching bag this season isnt he? Literally in this case. 

His clothes are still scortched too which I find interesting.  The black eyes also staying. Auras not back up then? Aura repair and regen seems...werid half the time. Like RT does what they want with it.

Ah so someone finally says it...but at the same time what exactly does Salem have to fear? If she cant fight the whole world...what could they do? Maybe overwhelming her? It...Im having a hard time putting the “she cant be stopped” with “shes afraid of fighting all of Remnant”. 

Somethings missing here. I know it.

The sound of the “door” opening reminds me of the Flood doors in High Charity in Halo 3s Cortana. Fleshy twisting.

Mention from Hazel, but AGAIN...no details. I guess if you nail down how she can do stuff its harder to write? 

Glad someone made a comment on the futility of the Hunter academies. 

I really hate how Salems giving us creepy mommy shades. 

Hmm. So yeah the bridge IS the throne room/command deck. I like how Neo doesnt give a fuck is just casually kneeling. 

Ah okay THATS why he grabbed the scroll. 

Heh. Interesting. How exactly does this work I wonder. 

...Why does Salem have a ring. Has she always had that ring?

Neo looking at the Hound like “oh, I could ride this thing”. 

Oh cool the Ace Ops. And they’re arguing, shocker. Sounds like Elm doesnt trust tech either. No shock there.  Idiot.

Atlas elite. Yeah, right.

Huh, is this a Manta with landing gear? I guess they do have them...seems kind of silly to have them so high up though. I guess thats what the thing under the door is for, so they can deploy a ramp. Man, I really dont like Atlas’s airship design.

Hare needs some fuckin suppresants. 

Annnnddd...here we go, things go straight to hell. I was warned of this. I am going to try and not be mad...but from what Ive heard the incomptence of the military in this particular section is astronomical.

Huh. So...Grimm can be convirted into a rock-punching liquid? Interesting. Has that always been a thing or... Also why the fuck are you jsut standing there in awe, go kill the fucking thing! Fucking Specialists.

...that is all it took to get through Atlas’s shield? THAT?

I also love how no one does anything. Ironwoods like “wait what the fuck”. Come on bro. 

And...thats the Atlas navy. Everyone. Two lasers. One of which missed. Remind me again what exactly these things are used to shoot?

Wait, no, that took down part of it, and then the rest is, surprise, hitting the soft rock on the outside. 

THERE goes the shield. 

Hang on a second, how long have those giant squid things been there?

And...what. The whale just approaches, nothing happens? You’ve got 12 fucking ships there, shoot the fucking thing.

Again, WHY IS NO ONE DOING ANYTHING?

Oh, it just beach-headed. Okay fine, whatever. 

Im not really worried.

Lets see how RT makes this WORSE though...

And thats this weeks episode.

[bananonbinary]

ugh..

i know my mom thinks im just being stubborn, but i cant compromise on who i am as a person *any more*.

i CANT. i’m NOT. its not fair to make me pick out an honorific, to “respect her parenting choices” that says i NEED one for the kids to call me. it is NOT my fault that she’s demanding one when i would be happy without (all of her suggestions are gendered. my mom tells me “she’s trying” but i dont believe it when she clearly doesnt even grasp what nonbinary IS).

i am TIRED. of consoling cis people who misgender me, of reassuring them that theyre Good Allies and im not upset, of answering all their constant questions every time i come out to someone. i was kinda put out when my dad DIDNT ask anything, i took it as disinterest, but you know what? he was right not to. it doesnt matter for him to know everything, he just needs to accept me.

i am SICK of answering “sky” to every single time anyone addresses me by my dead name. after months. quickly correcting every single fucking pronoun thrown at me. being called ma’am in public.

i am ANGRY that the first non-trans person i thought was safe to come out to basically threw me out of church and called me abusive for it in the end.

so NO. i DON’T think i need to pick out a fucking honorific. i dont think i need to do ANY MORE unreciprocated emotional labor just to get some fucking respect from my own goddamn sister, just so that im allowed to see my nieces.

i am so goddamn exhausted and furious at the entire world expecting me to be patient, to be all smiles and soft explanations, so their precious cis feelings arent hurt and they dont have to do like, 2 seconds to google something their own damn self. if i compromise here, just make things easier for everyone else, then i cant be angry later.

and anyway, i always do that with her. with everything, not just my gender. smile and dont say anything to keep the peace, hug her shitty husband that terrifies me, always come back and be the bigger person, and i WONT. not on this one, not now that im actually out of the closet. she can be the bigger fucking person for once in her goddamn life.

[mattski]

The Accidental Teachers

Hi!

Welcome back to my blog. I’ve had a lot to reflect on since the last one which was rather maudlin in its nature and as much as that issue has not been resolved I thought I would talk about something more positive.

I have found in life that there are people who without plan, become teachers and mentors to you and that you learn so much from them without them actually meaning too. Their honour, strength of character and patience teach you in ways you did not know you needed but learn lessons of life that are so valuable and meaningful.

I have been blessed in life to have two mentors such as this. To keep them anonymous I will call them Peyton and Cara.

I met Peyton a long time ago online. I was friends with Peytons sister and through her became friends with Peyton. The part that is relevant to this story is that Peyton is homosexual. When I first met Peyton, I did not trust or like homosexuals at all. I’ll own it as it’s the truth. Before you yell and scream homophobe at me, let me give you some background. In 1986 my parents split up. My mother left us for another woman. They met through me and I was blamed for that. At 12 it was an impossibly hard cross to bear that scars me to this day. At school I kept it very quiet. The other woman’s son went to my school and we were friends, but I became completely insular and did not want to speak to anyone. I was terrified of everyone. if my mother could up and leave, then anyone could. Word got out and I was given a ton of crap, Remember, this was 1986, not 2020 and kids can be fucking horrible when they want. So I copped it and copped it bad. I became angrier and more spiteful. I hated my mother and I hated her new partner more than I hated anyone before or since. The partner was manipulative and my mother gullible so the partner would not allow my mother to put my brother and I first and my mother too weak to make an effort. So my mother and her partner bought gifts for the partners two children, new bikes and clothes. I got hand me downs from my only male cousin until I could see through them. As a result, I became viciously disliking of homosexuals. I never voiced anything as I am quite reserved but the rage was very real, like the rest of my life, my blood boiling in contained rage and anger.

But I digress, as I said I met Peyton onilne and she was very open about her lifestyle. I too was very open about my viewpoint! She said that all homosexuals aren’t like that and she’ll prove it. Oh yeah I though, more bullshit and more chance to be let down and hurt by someone. The walls went up. But Peyton through patience and just being herself, slowing began to get the wall down and I thought, you know what, I might be wrong here. Through her love and care, she broke through to me and I realised that my attitude was wrong and it was wrong to blame all homosexuals for my mothers sin. As far as she went, my rage with her was because of her and her partner, not their lifestyle choice, that was irrelevant to the situation. I had weak brained mother and she met a manipulative cretin. A predator will find their prey. I believe that and I believe it to the be case here. But it was only because of Peyton and her patience with me. We are still friends today and I love chatting to her and sharing our lives. We both like boobs.. so we talk about boobs! How cool is that LOL. I also fully trust her and listen to her when she speaks. She is, without her knowing, a patient and wise mentor for which I am eternally grateful for knowing.

Cara is a work colleague. Cara is indigenous. I had met a few indigenous people here and there, I didn’t avoid indigenous people, but I didn’t seek them out either. In my defence, I really actively seek specific people out anyway. I wont play some virtue signalling game with a checklist. That’s just dumb in my book. So I lived in ignorance.  When I first met her, she was quiet and a bit reserved, as I was and I was, admittedly, a bit cautious with speaking to her as I didn’t want to cause offence at the drop of a hat. It would never work out well for me and best to just avoid that all together. Like Peyton though, time showed me that Cara was a wonderful person, who was honest about her Aboriginality and her culture without bashing me over the head or lecturing. To wit, Cara spoke TO me, not AT me. Turned out we have a shared history which I won’t go into here, but it was very cool and one of the things that cemented our friendship. From Cara I learned that indigenous people are just like me really, just want to live their lives with their families and enjoy what life has to offer. If I had questions about her culture, she was cool enough to talk to me about it and I found her answers and explanations fascinating and I learned a lot. More than I would have in a formal learning environment.. WITHOUT the guilt trip included lol. Cara has shown through her character how amazing she is, by simply being herself, a trait I admire immensely. I admire her sense of honour and her forthright nature and she has no qualms in telling me when I fuck up don’t worry lol. She also has a wonderful sense of humour and most of our conversations have a laugh involved and we have great banter where we wind each other up and have a laugh about it. Cara, if you read this, yes you still have the card and that will always beat me!!!!

So if you were to ask me, dear reader, why am I friends with Peyton and Cara I would tell you straight up, because they are awesome human beings. Because of these two wonderful people, my life is wiser and richer for it and for that I will be ever grateful for their friendship.

To Peyton and Cara I say thank you so much for your wisdom, patience and genuine care for me. Thank you for enriching my life and being part of it and without you trying or knowing, being wonderful teachers and mentors to me. I can see you both blushing at the thought or downplaying it but please don’t, as I mean it. I am not only grateful for the lessons. you gave me, but for you both being just you.

This has been a long one, but I had a lot to say and I could talk all day about these wonderful people, but thank you for hearing me out and peaking inside the chaos between my ears.

[luciferpens]

No Frayed Threads || Wesley & Raye

What: A continuation of THIS thread. Basically Wesley and Raye talking -- and Wesely finding out why Raye actually left.  Where: Ugly Mug & Wesley’s House When: July 19, 2020 TW: Miscarriage, depression @icarialex

The only time Wesley had ever seen Raye act the way she was acting was when she had a panic attack, and he was honestly worried about causing one in the middle of a coffee shop. No matter what their past was, he wouldn’t wish that on many people. Maybe Leo. No, most definitely Leo. However, his attempt to comfort her was abruptly stopped when he heard the explanation finally leave her lips. His brows furrowed as his eyes looked down at the wooden table they were sitting at. They absentmindedly followed the path of the grain within the wood as he tried to imagine how her hurting him worse than he’d ever been hurt could have been to protect him. None of that made any sense. “To protect me,” he finally got out after letting his mind settle a small amount. “Protect me from what, Raye? How did you leaving help me? You took — you took away our future. You threw out love out the window and made me feel worthless. How could any of that be for any kind of good?” .

There were many people in his life that would agree with how Raye was being on herself, but Wesley couldn’t sit there and listen to her talk so horribly about herself. It would be so much easier if he could be that guy. The guy who emotionally disengaged, looked out for himself, and just didn’t give a shit anymore, but that would never be him. Instead, he clenched his jaw and lightly began bouncing his leg in the attempt to get the extra energy bouncing through him out. It was better than reaching out and comforting the woman. Thinking that they better continue the conversation somewhere else soon, Wesley downed the rest of his drink. “What happened to you,” he asked quickly. There it was. Concern immediately made it’s presence known in his tone at the idea of anything happening to Raye. Dammit. “You don’t deserve anything horrible, okay? Did you devastate me? Yeah, you did, but you’re not shit. We all make mistakes, you know? Maybe you’ll be better for it or something.” He winced slightly at his own words because comforting his ex girlfriend about her decision to crush him wasn’t on his to do list ever. How did he get there? 

However, cool and composed flew out the window at the woman’s next words. Her could feel anger quickly rushing through his veins as Raye’s words registered in his mind. “Never a thing,” he angrily whispered as lightly as he could. “You,” he began asking before shaking his head. “No, no, you couldn’t do that. You’re not cruel enough to lie to me about cheating on me and tear my fiancé and the future of our family away from me. That — you wouldn’t do that.” ----

Her mouth felt like sandpaper and dirt and it felt like her eyes had taken every ounce of liquid and decided it needed to roll down her face. It was silent tears and her body had become still, she didn't shake with emotion, she didn't even breath heavy anymore. She had started to shut down her mind, to keep herself from truly losing it in the cafe. Instead she reached for the cloth and dabbed at her face, willing herself, or trying, to stop the tears and emotions. She blinked and the tears stopped -- for a moment at least. "You dying" she said simply, "You were going to die if things stayed how they were, and I'd rather you not die even if that meant breaking my own heart and yours too."  Raye said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, almost as if she was offended he even asked. Because in some way -- she was, he had to know -- deep down in his heart that Raye couldn't do something like that to him.... right? Or had she really been that good of an actress?

Raye felt eyes starting to turn to them, they weren't loud by any means, but their conversation was heated. The tension could be cut with a knife if someone truly wanted to. She spiraled down, down, down, into her emotions trying to dredge up anything other than sadness to show him, even a glint of happiness at the concern he showed her. But there was nothing there, not really... nothing other than anger and he didn't deserve anger. "A lot,” she said but clenched her mouth shut tight. She wasn't going to tell him. She wasn't going to. He didn't need to know that pain, he'd be better off if she just left and never spoke again. "A lot happened in the past year," she said her eyes were red but she had stopped crying, and if you looked at her, you'd have assumed she was just tired not -- emotionally drained and just crying. "One can only hope I'm a better demi-god now than I was a year ago, but only time will tell" she said with a hard swallow. "But yes, I did deserve it but he didn't" the last part wasn't even said, but instead mouthed down towards the table. Her hand came to rest on her stomach.  The sound of anger spilling over Wesley's words made her head snap up. The last time she saw him mad was when they broke up, he was mad and sad and confused -- the same as he was now. but when he said our family her whole demeanor changed.  It was as if the life was sucked out of her body, her mouth fell open slightly, her brow furrowed, and her eyes -- they looked far off. Distant, cold and hopeless.. and the silent tears returned. "I cant be here." she said suddenly as if something shocked her into movement. She stood up and without a glance around the room to the eyes that were watching them, darted out of the coffee shop. ----

“How did you even find out that I was going to die,” he asked curiously. While that would be something that would freak anyone out, he wished he would have been informed. It was his life after all, his fate. How the hell were so many important decisions made without him the affected his life? “Also, did something go wrong? Because Raye, I still almost died. Is there a way the fortune or whatever could have been read wrong?” Everything sounded so screwed up and sad. When he proposed to Raye, he promised to give her a lifetime of happiness, and he couldn’t even keep it for six months. The woman who was, and most likely always would be, the love of his life was a shell of the woman he knew, and it was killing him. It was absolute hell. 

This was different, and he didn’t like it. The two of them had always been open with one another. Now, she was keeping things and mumbling things under her breath that he couldn’t make out. However, they were in the middle of a coffee shop and trying to pull it out of her there wasn’t the right decision. Wesley didn’t have much time to think about it though because apparently he’d said something messed up because his ex fiancé was running away from him. Fortunately, they both paid for their coffee at the counter, so he was able to get after her. Another lucky fact was that Raye was so much shorter than him so his longer legs allowed him to catch up to her. Without thinking twice about it, he wrapped his arms around her to get her to stop. “Whatever it is things will be okay,” he whispered as he pulled her as closely against him as he could. “If I’m here able to hold you and comfort you after what happened last year, then we’ll get through it.” .

Wesley held her for a few moments until he was confident that the panic had lowered slightly. Then, he pulled back and lightly lifted her chin so he could look at her properly. “Let’s go home,” he said without even thinking about it. “The house isn’t far, and we’ll have more privacy.” ----

Raye was walking down the street, anger, fear and sadness taking over her features. In her mind -- she felt like she was in another world, she registered what Wesley was saying but speaking -- speaking was hard. Explaining what happened -- it broke her heart and it hurt her soul. Raye licked her lips and glanced up to the clouds floating overhead. "Ava" She said with a frown. "She said our thread was frayed -- that it was close to ripping in half -- that one of us...One of us would die if it finally ripped. But -- I left, you're alive. It worked." She explained in broken sentences. "The fortune, the prediction, -- if you're alive and I was gone.... then it saved you. It kept you from death." she felt the tears prickling at her eyes once more as a breeze blew between the two of them. Her hair flying into her face.

Raye had learned to shut down, she had closed herself off to pretty much every person who tried to talk to her. The only person who knew it all was her sister Delilah. Otherwise? she had shut down and held it all in. The idea of speaking it in such a way that Wesley could hear her? It was outrageous. She had hoped she had gotten far enough away, hoped she was small enough and could blend into the crowd crossing the street enough that he wouldn't have spotted her. But when his arms wrapped around her frame she froze. Her body tensed and she stopped mid step on the sidewalk her eyes bloodshot and swollen. "You wont be okay." She said, the feel of his arms around her frame broke her. It was a safety she knew she didn't deserve. "You will be a fucking wreck if I tell you all of it -- and I can't I can't subject you to that here... I don't even want to fucking tell you Wesley. I don't want to hurt you more than I already have." she said in a whisper. his smell was bringing her back to their nights together under the stars, their nights talking about their future, about a family,  "Just let me go Wesley, forget me.  Forget all of this... Go be with Ness, you know she would treat you a hell of a lot better than I could," She said, sure it hurt, and sure it sucked to even think of. But Raye genuinely believed it.  "Let me go Wes." She was still wrapped in his arms, still feeling like a broken doll hanging there. "Home" she muttered a hopeful sound dancing there. "Take me home."

----

Thinking about the night of the accident wasn’t fun for Wesley. From the very public ending of his relationship at an airport like the worst cliche in every romantic comedy to his anger nearly taking his life were all things he hated remembering. “Ava,” he asked curiously. That didn’t make any sense. If she’d said Hades or even one of the Fates he’d understand, but Ava? Then it caught up to him that she saw strings as part of her ability, but the strings didn’t tell the whole story. “Raye, I — I did die,” he said slowly. “I mean, um, I coded I think is the medical word. I wasn’t even gone sixty seconds before I was brought back, but technically that happened. I had something called a myocardial contusion,” he explained as he racked his brain to remember all the key terms. Wesley understood them easily enough because he was a very smart guy, but his head was really fuzzy from the concussion. “So, you see, if we go by the medical definition, I did die. I just had a lot of help to get back on my feet.” Between the excellent medical staff to Mira using her abilities, he was a lucky guy. 

The idea that there could be something that could destroy him more than what had already happened scared the shit out of the man. His break up felt like it had completely destroyed him on his worst days, so the idea that she thought there was something more that would be worse was not great. Yet, when he heard her pleading him to leave, a switch flipped in him. Wesley had always been self sacrificing. While he’d probably feel it later, he couldn’t imagine letting her believe she wasn’t enough to fight for. He’d thought that, and he wouldn’t let that happen to someone he loved. “No, do you hear me,” he said as he held her gently on the shoulders. “No. I made a promise, okay? I promised to love you for the rest of my life when I asked you to marry me, and nowhere in there did I ever say I’d let you go. So, whatever it is, if it involves me like you’re implying, we’ll find a way to deal with it. I mean, you told me you cheated on me with fucking Leo, broke my heart, and I almost died, but we’re still here.” There was no way he’d ever do what she was asking. Wesley would give her the world if he could, but not that.

He swallowed thickly at her calling the house home, but nodded his head and began the walk there while keeping an arm wrapped around Raye. The walk didn’t even last longer than ten minutes before he was walking them up the stairs of the home. When he unlocked the door, he let her in first before following behind her and closing the door. “Come on,” he said as she gently led her to the couch. Wes sat down first against one edge before gently tugging Raye into his side. “There, we’re alone, and we can talk. No eyes watching us, no more yelling, judging, or accusations. Just us.”

----

Hearing him say he did die made her heart stop, she was pretty sure that if she had been on a heart monitor it would have just flatlined. Her breath caught in her throat and it took her a moment to just look over at him. She shook her head and let out a breath. "You  died." she frowned a bit of shock rolling off her as her brain truly caught up to what he was saying.  "You coded..." she muttered her eyes wide. As he continued on, reminding her of the promise, of what had already happened and that he would still be around she let out a long breath and let him lead her down the street and to the house. She knew that once they were inside, once they were away from the prying eyes of people in the street she'd have to explain it all, she'd have to tell him the truth, tell him something she knew would break his heart worse than the lie she had told a year ago. The only bits of comfort she took was that he would know the truth... and his arm around her. She felt like she was falling apart and that strong arm wrapped around her frame was the only thing keeping her together. She hadn't expected him to keep her close once they arrived at the house, so sitting so close to him had her stomach flipping and her head spinning. "Just us" she repeated as her hand subconsciously went to her stomach once more. "I -- I'm not even sure the best way to start all of this Wesley... So much " she looked up, her eyes searching for the correct words as if they were suspended over their heads. "So fucking much has happened since that day" she muttered. "And I don't know if I'm drunk enough to talk on it without sobbing my eyes out." She said as she rubbed her face with a free hand. "What -- Where do you want me to start? With Ava? With what happened in LA? With why I'm back?"

----

He nodded his head when she repeated what he said. That wasn’t something that needed to be clarified when it was obvious that Raye heard him. “Do you think that us breaking up is what the fate was speaking about,” he asked curiously. “I mean think about it. Things change based on our decisions, but if your fate was for your to be placed in this situation, maybe the misinterpretation of it was what could kill me.” Wesley didn’t blame her for his car accident. That is horrible, and he wouldn’t do that for anyone. Still, Wesley wished that he would have been spoken to. It was so hard for him to understand how Raye had made such huge decisions without him. He understood acting on fear, but it had just caused them so much pain. .

Having Raye in his arms and in the house was bittersweet for the man. It was the life they were supposed to have just minus the bloodshot eyes from crying and spilling of secrets, but it was those things that reminded him how far they were from that dream. “Do you want a drink,” he asked without moving from beside her. He knew how much Raye liked affection when she was panicking, so he’d let her decide if she wanted a drink that badly. “I want to know everything, Raye. We’ve always been honest. I don’t know when our communication got so sideways, but let’s try and get on the right track now,” he said calmly as he could even though he was nervous to hear what she had to say. “Just start with wherever it’s easiest.”

----

"A drink would be nice" she said and then shrugged her shoulders, eyebrows raising as she did so. She wasn't sure what to think anymore. What to believe anymore when it came to fate and the strings. It was a mess and she hated herself for even believing any of it. "You're right. It does change all the time.. I just took her warning and I--I couldn't deal with the idea of you dying because of us." she sighed burrying her head in her hands. She felt him shift and get up to get them drinks and while he did she took a couple of deep breaths. "Easiest." she started lifting her head from her hands and leaning back into the couch, eyes staring up at the ceiling. "Easiest would be that my dad told me I had to come back because I was in danger over these kidnappings and that they were getting worse" she said rubbing her temples. "That he thought this place was safer... of course that was before the minotaur attack. I can't help but wonder if he's regretting that now." she glanced over to Wesley.  "But I guess I can start from the beginning." .

She shifted, pulling her feet up under her butt as she continued to take deep breaths between sentences. "I ran into Ava after one of my plays; the two of us got to talking, hit it off really... but she noticed I wasn't feeling 100% and I guess decided to read me; she saw our string said it was frayed. That a frayed almost broken string of fate meant one side of the string was close to death. " She took the drink as he came to sit back down and instantly took a long sip of it. "I know my dad is mad at me, he's been mad at me and Lyric since we broke up; so thinking that our string was close to breaking? I know he doesn't like what's happened but i also know he wont kill me. you on the other hand he might be more open to." she glanced over at him and let out a sigh, "I acted on instinct to protect you." she shrugged. "I figured the only way to keep you safe, to keep dad from going after you was to get away from you" she laughed now, it was a broken hollow sound. "But I know you, you wouldn't let me go without a fight Wes. I had to come up with something that would make you not chase me..... and well you know that part." she hung her head and decided against actually saying Leo's name. She didn't need to upset Wesley more than she already had. .

"So I left." she continued, "I moved to LA. Started working again in VA more full time -- the studio I used was only a short train ride from my house. So I walked to and from the train station every day.” She ran a hand through her hair and stared at the blank wall ahead of her. “I guess… I guess my comings and goings garnered attention.” she frowned, lifted her drink to her lips and finished the whole thing in one go. She didn’t care if she ended up sick now. “I was walking home one day after work and — two guys… they — I was less than a block from my place. They jumped me… they stole my purse, my jewelry, my necklace.” her hand moved to the necklace that she wore, the engagement ring still hanging from it. She closed her eyes and her hand fell from the necklace to her stomach. “I — they — I found out…” she let out a choked sob now, “I had been pretty fucked up and they had kicked my stomach a lot because of how loud I screamed.. I think they were trying to knock the breath out of me so I’d shut up.” she explained, trying to rationalize why it happened, trying to hold off telling him what was truly painful about all this.  Instead she dug around in her purse, tears still streaming down her face and she pulled out a picture and handed it to him “I — I found out I was pregnant.” she finally said it was a sonogram of her stomach at 12 weeks, “But — the beating….” she shook her head and her hand rested back on her stomach.

----

Wesley couldn’t help but laugh at the idea that arriving back on the island was safer. ”I bet he’s kicking himself in the ass right about now,” he said honestly. That whole situation had been absolutely hell, and two people he cared a lot about had suffered greatly. “I’m happy I found you in the mist of all that though,” he said honestly. . As he listened to Raye explain why she’d vanished and lied to him, and while he got how that could be scary, it was still crazy to plan so much without him. Raye had told him multiple times how much of a big baby Hades was being about her break up with Lyric, but to want him dead? That was a whole new level of irrational thinking. “Raye, babe, I get learning all that must have been scary as hell. I’d lose my shit if I heard something was going to happen to you, but why didn’t you talk to me? I know I can be stubborn and wouldn’t want to let you go, but we could have brainstormed.” The Leo thing still pissed him off, but now that he knew the whole story, at least his chest didn’t feel like it was constantly caving in. “The worst part though was the lie about cheating, and if you ever do that to me again, I won’t even want to talk to you to work it out, okay? Just — not again.” 


The two of them weren’t back together. Hell, he didn’t even know what it would take to get them back to that point, but he didn’t hate Raye. He didn’t even want to try and pretend like he did which was a large improvement from when he woke up. However, right then he was focused more on listening to the parts that he didn’t know. As the story went on though, he wished he hadn’t. 
. Breathing stopped and his mind went blank as he realized he would have been a father. The universe was fucking horrible because what the hell? All he wanted was a family with the woman beside him, and he’d lost all of it literally because of strings. It wasn’t the time for him to mourn though or deal with his pain because Raye was the one who had lost a tiny being that she had been carrying. What said more about the two of them than anything was the fact that he didn’t even need to ask if the baby was his. He knew Raye. “Fuck Raye, I,” he started but no words would help. So, he just put his own drink on the end table and gently tugged her to lay against him. Nothing would make it okay. He wasn’t okay, and neither was she, so why try to find the words when they wouldn’t make a difference. 


Before she moved towards him though, she handed him a picture. In it held the tiniest bean that represented their child, their baby. His eyes welled with tears as he looked at the last shred of evidence that a little baby existed. Their baby. As he held the picture with one hand, he lightly ran a finger over the image. “Our — our baby,” he said with a choked voice. He quickly coughed though to try and push it back.

----

She wanted to make a comment on her father’s idiocy, but honestly, there wasn’t much to say about it, Hades knew how much of an idiot he was. He had to…. Right? She shook away the thoughts and just smiled faintly at the comment, “I’m glad you did too.” she said running her hand through her hair again, “Who knows how I would have ended up.” she said and let her eyes dance along the lines in the ceiling as she let her emotions wash over her, but the word babe caught her attention and had her eyes snapping over to him. “I can’t easily explain my thought process then. Other than I knew it was close to splitting and I panicked.”  She looked away as she spoke, actually looking at Wesley as she admitted that there was no excuse for her not to have talked to him. “I just -- knew that there was no way to -- to, I guess, to get away,  which felt like the only way to keep you safe.” she kept her eyes far away from him, not even daring to look his way as she spoke.  Her head snapped over to him and she furrowed her brow, “Do it again?” she muttered rather confused. The idea of her even getting the chance to do it seemed…. Impossible. “I wouldn’t” she added a split second later.  Tears were still sliding down her face as she spoke, her heart aching as she thought back on those couple months. They were the hardest of her life. Things had started getting easier after the first four or so months in LA, but she hadn’t ever really been happy during it. Just -- easier. She kept one hand on her belly, it was a truly subconscious thing she did any time she thought about her baby. She shook her head when he tried to give it back. “It’s yours to keep…” she managed to get out blinking away tears “They were your baby too, you… you deserve a physical part of hi-them too, even if you didn’t get to know them.” 

Raye let herself be pulled into him, it took her a moment but she rolled onto her side, resting her head on his chest as she clenched her eyes shut tight. She listened to his heart beating, the sound of his breathing before she spoke again.  “I have a copy at my place in a frame.” she muttered letting a couple of heartbeats pass and soothe her nerves, “I just -- also always have one in my purse because I want to feel close to him--them,” she explained, in her heart and soul, she knew the baby had been a little boy. “For the longest time, it was as close as I could be to you too.” Raye muttered turning her head slightly so she could look up at Wesley, “I -- I’m sorry for all that’s happened.”

----

Thinking back to when he spotted Raye in front of a charging Minotaur, Wesley had never been so scared in his damn life. Not when the car hit his own, or when he’d been told his heart had stopped momentarily at the hospital came close. He didn’t even have time to process the shock of seeing Raye back in Icaria before he acted. “If I’m around, I’ll always try to keep you safe. You should know that,” he said with a shrug. That was just the person he was. Once you were loved by Wesley, you were one of his people. He did anything for his people. “You know me well that’s for sure,” he grumbled. He never thought she’d use that knowledge to find the best way to get away from him, but being connected to Greek Gods came with weird situations. “Telling me you cheated on me with that moron was a way to ensure I stayed put. I wouldn’t even know how to make things work if you’d cheated on me.” He truthfully didn’t think he could. Trust was so big to Wesley, and he wouldn’t ever be able to live with having to second guess everything. He wasn’t the guy who would ever check phones, or any of that stuff.  

The sonogram picture broke his heart in a way he didn’t even know was possible. He hadn’t even known that the little baby had existed, and immediately, he felt a pain within him. An aching for the loss that shouldn’t have happened. Wesley wanted to keep it together though. Somehow, he had to make that happen because Raye was barely keeping it together. The slip of the male pronoun almost made him lose it, but he shoved it back down. Later on when he was alone he’d be able to cry, wallow, and be angry at the world, but right then he had to be better. “Thank you for this,” he said of the sonogram as he gently placed it on the end table beside him. “And thank you for telling me. I want to be here for you. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone anymore.” In what capacity he’d be there, he had no idea. Those were logistics and feelings they could figure out later. 

Wesley maneuvered himself so they could both be sort of laying together on the sofa as he held onto her. He rubbed her back soothingly, and almost thought of going under her shirt because it definitely felt better, but he had no idea if that would be weird anymore. “That’s normal. Maybe we can get it put in a locket, or maybe not the sonogram, but what you would have named the baby engraved,” he offered quietly. It was something she could physically touch when needed that would be more discrete. He made a note to look into it. “Well, you can come see me now whenever you want, alright? Text me or just pop by. I don’t care.” The apology was something he thought he needed, but really, an explanation covered everything. While he didn’t agree with how she handled the situation, and least now he had all the answers. “This — the baby, wasn’t your fault. It was those idiots who robbed you, okay? I’ll never blame you for that. Don’t even counter that if you would have stayed here that it wouldn’t have happened, you know as well as I do we don’t have control over the fates and will never know what was written in our plans. But, we’ll get through this, okay?” He placed a kiss to the top of her head out of habit in the hopes that she could feel just a little bit better.

----

She nodded her head because deep down she knew that he would do what he could to keep her safe. The thought that he’d let her die if he saw her in trouble was outlandish and completely out of character for the man. He lived to help people and took care of anyone he saw in need. And she knew that even if he hated her -- he wouldn’t let her suffer. “I know.” she said simply. Raye sucked in a long breath, her chest heaving with the inhale and slowly let it out. “He’s not -- ” she started but decided against it. Leo was her friend, he protected her and helped her when she was desperate and scared. He did it without hesitation and for that, she’d be appreciative, even if in the end it was all a huge fuck up. “I couldn’t ever cheat on you; have you met yourself? You’re to good of a person to think someone could actually be better” she said, her voice was hoarse from crying, eyes red and she knew she looked a mess, but -- she would never miss an opportunity to compliment the man. She sat silently holding onto the idea of making things work as if it was a lifeline and she was a sinking ship. 

Raye nodded her head, “Of course. You deserved to know.” at the mention of going through it alone, her chest tightened and she looked down towards her hand, “You and Lyric are the only ones who know. I haven’t even told Lilah.” she said and bit down on her bottom lip, it would come as no surprise to anyone who knew Raye well that Lyric knew before most anyone else. She swallowed hard and closed her eyes, “You should have been first -- but there was…. There was…” her voice faded off, she knew he’d understand where she was going with that, that she hadn’t been ready to tell him or even see him. Hell, she was still conflicted about seeing him. She wanted nothing more than to cry to him and be held without a second thought but she knew they were both overthinking their every movement.

As he moved them she let herself curl into his side, hand on his chest, and face buried in his side. She inhaled deeply and felt her body relax between the circles being rubbed on her back and the familiar smell of Wesley. “I -- I had thought about Ryder.” she said as she imagined the son she could have had. “I know that was --- that was a name you mentioned once as a name you’d want for ou- a son” she said rather quietly. She didn’t know if she had the right to use that name, it had been one he loved, and while yes, it was his child who had died, she didn’t want to take away a name he may still have wanted to use for whenever he had children. “It’s hard not to blame yourself when something like this happens… But I’ll try not to.” she said taking a deep sigh, she knew the fates were assholes sometimes and they wanted people to “” learn lessons “” but she wouldn’t ever forgive them for this. She glanced up at him after she felt the kiss on her head, it was slightly awkward with how they were laying but looking at him and laying on his chest her stomach flipped and she felt her cheeks warm just slightly. “I’ll keep that in mind,”  she said with a small smile. “Don’t be surprised if I come by often,” she added quietly, “being around someone who -- understands the pain and cares is -- really comforting,” Raye explained before resting her head back on his chest and sighing. “Tell me -- about what you’ve been up to since -- everything happened.”

----

Hearing her start to defend Leo wasn’t surprising to him, but he was happy that she decided to stop. It was still to fresh of a wound for him, and the last thing she wanted was for them to fight. Hearing her words made his heart race faster because everything was just spinning on it’s axis. All that he’d been told, which was horrible, was a lie. Instead the woman he loved had suffered impossibly and was back home telling him that she’d done everything for him. It was a lot to take in, and he knew he hadn’t been able to digest it all yet. “Do you still love me,” he asked when he replayed what she’d said. Raye was impossible sweet all the time, but she only ever said things she believed completely. Still, Wesley had to know where she stood.  “I’m not mad Lyric knows first. I mean, I’m just happy you finally talked to someone, Raye. Don’t do this again okay? No more leaving everything behind. We can face anything together, okay,” he said with the utmost confidence. If he had fought for Raye more, maybe things would have been better. Maybe what had happened wouldn’t have happened, but he wouldn’t voice that. He didn’t need to have Raye comforting him. That wasn’t what he wanted. She was the one going through unimaginable pain. “Plus, I get that coming to me wasn’t the easiest thing. This is all just a cluster fuck,” he said with a small laugh. There really was no better way to describe there situation . 

Wesley swallowed thickly as he heard the name she wanted to choose. It was definitely at the top of his list for names. “Our son,” he corrected her. “You can say our son because no matter what we were, I would have been there. So, ours, okay? You don’t have to keep correcting that.” His voice was getting a little raspy from emotion, but he was doing a pretty good job of keeping it in check. He’d unload everything on his own when he could, but he was happy to be there for the woman he cared most about. “I can only imagine, but it’s not your fault. I’ll tell you that as many times as you need to hear it, and I’m not mad, disappointed, or anything at you for this. I’m hurt for you, and I want to do what I can to help you heal,” he said honestly. “Come over as much as you want. Just don’t be surprised if you see another woman around. I’m not involved with her or anyone before you ask,” he quickly explained with wide eyes when he realized how that sounded. “It’s Mira. Be careful, she was a huntress of Artemis, so traps may be a thing.” He sounded far less concerned by that than he should be, but he was used to it by now. “You know, just working really and taking care of Gianna when she lets me. I slept with someone once, but I just — it didn’t feel right, and we’re just friends. I guess I haven’t gotten over you yet.”

----

Raye didn't really know what she had wanted from this conversation, what she had hoped to gain by telling him the truth, other than -- for him to just know. But she hadnt been expecting to be snuggled up to him on a sofa crying while he asked her that question. It was loaded and could mean a lot; answering dishonestly (a no) could push them apart for good even as friends to some extent. But it may save Wesley from whatever bullshit she felt the world was bound to throw at her, what maybe even her father was going to throw at her. But -- that would be wrong, and she couldn’t lie or hurt him again. So after a long moment and trying to build up the courage to say something she used to say on the daily, she breathed out a “Of course I do” She hadn’t realized how admitting such a thing would make her mouth go dry and her heart pound in her chest. “I never…. I never stopped loving you.” If she hadn’t just been asked that and felt these symptoms she would have assumed she was sick -- hell she still felt sick just with the emotions raging through her. As Wesley continued to talk. She propped herself up on an elbow and looked down at him a sad smile on her face, but she nodded. “I wouldn’t. I can admit I was a fucking idiot to do that. I’m sorry by the way.” She had a feeling she'd forever be apologizing to him for what transpired in the past year.  Raye nodded her head “A cluster fuck for sure.” .

She was still popped up on her elbow when he spoke of their son and she flashed a heartbroken smile. She had gotten so used to saying our in their years together, and she had already started trying to retrain her brain to not say those things about him. She had gotten pretty good at it -- at least when she wasn’t around Wesley. Apparently being near him messed with her habits and words more than she realized. “Our son.” she repeated and then laid her head back down on his chest.  She furrowed her brow and tried to keep her stomach, and jealousy, in line. She had no right to judge him at all or feel any sort of jealousy towards anyone he spent time with. “Mira?” she asked rather confused, “Why- why would she be setting traps around the house?” Now she was mostly curious and a bit concerned if this woman was gonna end up hurting someone with the traps. She fell silent as Wesley continued to speak on what he had been up to; her heart feeling like it was going to fall out of her when she heard he had tried to move on. She knew he would one day, had expected it and wanted it to some extent -- but to actually hear it? Well it rubbed her the wrong way. But she bit her tongue and kept quiet. Now… wasn’t the time to ask about those sorts of things, if they ever worked out their issues and tried again, then maybe. But right now? Now she had no right to ask those things. “ Oh. I mean -- I get that. I’ve done the same.” she muttered, that was not something she had planned on admitting to Wesley but here she was. Oh well. “Nothing would have ever come from that,” she added, her face heated and she tried to hide it from him as a memory of that night flashed through her mind.

----

Wesley really should have realized that him asking such a thing would mean he’d have to either get hurt or answer it back. Really, who let someone say something like that without saying it back? Especially since he knew he loved Raye. Sure, he was hurt, confused, and angry at the way things had gone down, but she was the woman he wanted to make his wife. Love like that didn’t just go away even if it would be easier if it did. Picking up the pieces of their relationship and putting them back together wouldn’t be easy if they decided to go that route, but it had to be worth it. “I love you too,” he said with a small smile before letting out a breath he’d been holding. “I don’t know what that means or where we will go from here, but I love you, so that’s a good start, right?” It had to be better than where many other people started at least. There hadn’t been any cheating or break of trust, so it could totally be worse. When Raye lifted herself up again to show her face, Wesley gave her a side ways smile and moved his hands from her back. He gently wiped the small amount of tears on her cheeks away before saying, “Good, good. And it’s okay. Just stop crying pretty lady.” Raye could have mascara running down her face, and Wesley knew he’d still say she looked like a million bucks. 

“Thank you,” he said in response to her changing something as simple as a word to our. It just sounded so odd to hear her keep stumbling over what to call their baby. The pain wasn’t just Raye’s to bear, and he wanted her to remember that she wasn’t along in all of it. She may have been alone for a long time which none of them could help, but he could be there now. Child or not, his responsibility was never gone. That’s not how Wes operated. “She likes to protect things she cares about, and even though she won’t say it, I’m one of those people. Just walk carefully,” he said the last bit in a questioning, playful tone. Hearing that Raye had done the same made Wesley feel better oddly enough. At least both of them had the same, clean slate. It would be weird if it was one sided. However, he could feel her trying to hide from his gaze which only ever meant that she was embarrassed by something. They’d been together for too long for him not to be able to notice all the little quirks that she’d do. “Whoa whoa, you’re gonna burn me from the heat radiating from your face,” he teased while playfully poking her sides. “What’s got you all embarrassed?”

----

Raye’s face was still hiding in his shirt, her cheeks still warm and only growing warmer by the second at the words I love you. Her heart was pounding wildly in her chest, her stomach flipped -- it felt like she was hearing it for the first time all over again. Of course she wasn’t, but -- after not hearing it for a year? It felt like a new thing and either way she had never expected to hear it out of Wesley’s mouth again. Raye felt tears spring to her eyes and she finally looked up at him, her body slowly releasing all the knots she had building up over the past year. “That’s a great start,” she said before pushing herself up just a little and leaning over his face to place a small, gentle kiss on his lips. She hadn’t let herself second guess the kiss, she just went for what her gut said was an okay thing to do. She wasn’t sure Wesley would be 100% on board -- but she knew he’d understand her passion and thoughts, at least to some extent. “We’re in a better place than some people are.” she added as she pulled back and resettled on his chest. 

The touch of her cheek and that smile made her feel like a frog was caught in her throat. Gods he was so handsome, so sweet. She had been a serious fool to have left him, even for a day. “I’ll keep an eye out … and hope she doesn’t hate me if I can explain…” she muttered shaking her head. As she heard his tone change from more concern and careful words to the more teasing side her face turned redder and redder and putting out more heat. It was a side effect of being a Hades child -- fire and heat, she literally radiated it when she felt strong emotions. “NOTHING!” she squeaked when she felt his finger poke at her side. “Nothing at ALL” She buried her face even deeper into his shirt, completely hidden from view. But there was no stopping the heat that came off of her at her embarrassment.

----

Seeing Raye be so bashful wasn’t something that he got to see very often, so he usually relished in it when it happened. Couple that with the weight lifted off his chest after telling Raye he loved her, and well Wesley was the most weird bundle of happiness and sadness ever. The two of them had been through hell and back together, and he didn’t know what to think. Luckily, he didn’t have to think too long because Raye short circuited his brain with a kiss. He reciprocated it without thinking and smiled at her when they parted. “Great place if that kiss says anything,” he joked lightly. He needed a break from all the heavy, or else he was going to end up breaking down himself. That wasn’t something he wanted to do in front of Raye. She felt bad enough. There was no need for her to see him break when things weren’t her fault. 

“I’ll put a good word in,” he said sincerely. “Plus, she’s far too curious not to let people explain. While she can be hotheaded, she likes having all the information.” Mira was definitely not someone to mess with, but he believed she’d easily see how their situation wasn’t black and white. She’d be protective, but it should be okay. “Listen,” he exclaimed playfully. “You’re going to give me a burn if you keep heating up,” he managed to get out in between laughs. “Oh, it’s so not nothing. You don’t get this worked up over nothing, Raye.”

----

His comment on her kiss only deepened her blush and made her hide her face more, and at the mention of a burn, she took a deep breath and soothed the warmth that was trying to escape her. Apparently once a pyro -- always one. She calmed the heat down but her face was still as red as her lipstick. She pursed her lips and sat up, moving so she was sitting on her own feet. She let her hair cover her face as she tried to hide her embarrassment. She wanted to be close -- but what had her so embarrassed she wasn’t sure she could be touching Wesley without bursting into flames because of it.  So she took a couple of breaths before she lifted her head to look at him, then the ceiling, her cheeks almost normal now that she wasn’t touching him.  

“So… as I said. I had slept with someone during all this -- just once because what happened ” her cheeks had started to redden but she quickly looked to him, hoping that her embarrassment would convey that she wasn’t trying to hurt him by telling him this “I uh…. I was with this guy. And well -- things were getting there and you know I’m loud…” she grumbled. “I may have… umh.” her eyes closed “Moaned your name instead.” she added quickly while peeking one eye open to gauge his reaction. “Which is how I realized nothing could have ever come from it because I’ve been to hung up on you since the day I left.”

Wesley waited patiently for his ex to collect herself. If he wanted to get the answer, he needed to let her cool down before he was the one all hot and bothered, and not in a good way. Waiting totally paid off too because the answer he got was hilarious. He couldn’t help the laugh that erupted from his belly when he heard it, and he was pretty sure there were tears in his eyes from laughing. “Holy shit,” he said once he calmed down a bit. “So, you gave him the best compliment ever,” Wesley teased lightly. “If it makes you feel any better, I had to get drunk off my ass to even have anything happen. I mean so drunk I don’t remember anything that happened. I didn’t even know the woman’s name until I saw her around town later. It’s Viv by the way, but you don’t have anything to worry about. Both of us were just hurting,” he said with a shrug. “So, I guess if you’re going to be moaning my name anyway, you should just sleep with me, right?” ---- Raye's cheeks were still bright red and she pursed her lips trying not to look more more embarrassed than she already was. "I mean YES" she said shrugging refusing to make eye contact with him. "It is the best compliment a man could get." she chuckled. Raye then nodded her head, it wasn't something she particularly wanted to know, but it would make it not so awkward in the future if she saw Viv. "Sorry you were both hurting..." She was still refusing to look at him but when he mentioned moaning his name her eyes shot over to him "Exsu--are you -- I mean, yes, preferably," her cheeks instantly heating back up. ----- They just stayed up talking and ended up falling asleep cuddling ---- 

[rheaitis]

@medhasree asked for a DVD Commentary for the last scene of pravilabhate. Under a cut because it’s sizeable.

So I know, I know Arjuna is Yudhishtira’s heir at this point, but this worked better for me so whatevs.

On the fifteenth day of the Yadavas’ visit, Emperor Yudhisthira holds court in Hastinapuri in awful splendour, and with Prince Parikshit in his lap.

“As clear a declaration as any,” Lakshmana murmurs. “Has a day been fixed for the coronation?”

“On Brihaspati’s day,” Yuyutsu murmurs back. “Did you doubt this would happen?”

I am also very curious about this, and I suppose Yaudheya is only quasi-canonical? But anyway, I wanted to emphasise the fact that even Yuyutsu--who knows more than the others--doesn’t actually know why the Pandavas are doing what they’re doing.

Yuyutsu himself is unsure of the way of it, of whether Princess Devika’s son too perished in battle childless, that Yudhisthira has to turn to his brother’s grandson. There were many dead in Kurukshetra, but surely the wailing would have been great for Yaudheya. King Shivi has sons and grandsons enough to be in no need of an heir from his daughter.

Except I agree with Lakshmana about this, and it feels like the best explanation for Parikshit, that he’s there because he’s the Yadava candidate.

“No,” Lakshmana says. “What the Yadavas set their minds to, they achieve, though the greatest archers of the Kurus stand in their way. Who now lives that knows it as well as I?”

“He would have pursued you until his death, but that your father feared the anger of Prince Balabhadra.”

“I blame neither him nor my father; I regret only that Prince Balabhadra’s neutrality did not come upon him earlier, that I might have had a husband my father or I chose.”

“Princess,” he reprimands, and when she nods, adds, “and you must learn not to call Karna a Kuru when listening ears are about.”

I have SO MANY FEELINGS about the ways in which Karna fits into Lakshmana’s family, because he’s the protector who failed her (but so did her father) and he’s almost her father (but he’s not) and he’s one of her favourite uncles (but he’s low-caste) and how all of that is secondary to her determination to uphold his reputation even if she has to lie about it, and to not give way to the posthumous Pandava claiming of Karna.

Lakshmana laughs a brief peal of merriment that mingles better with the general gaiety than her wonted solemnity. “But he was not the best of the Padavas; that we know only too well. I am enough a Kaurava woman to lie if I must, to honour a man my father loved as he did my mother.”

“And you, Princess?”

“When I think of arms around me, I see only my husband; how fortunate, Uncle, that it is a true answer as well as the dutiful one.”

“Lakshmana.”

We’re all in agreement that Samba’s a nightmare, right? Cause Samba’s a nightmare.

“I do not care to be in further danger, in the home of the Yadavas, with my husband who…” Fifteen days she’s been in her home again and this is the first Yuyutsu sees Lakshmana break, lose her composure; perhaps she has wept in her mother’s arms or in Dushala’s. “If he were such a one as his father, I could have forged happiness with my husband; with such as he is, I seek only safety.”

“You know of your mother’s hopes,” he essays when she has turned again to look at Parikshita babbling joyfully on.

Lakshmana has been married for eight years and each of those years has been hell, because she can also see how good the other Yadava wives have it, by and large.

“I know my husband, and I know the love his father bears him, and the love my uncles bear my father-in-law. I know what such love does to the hopes of women. Do not speak to me of hopes, Uncle, let me have what I can of peace.”

This is just supposed to be cute; there are references to other stories in it but mostly it’s a nice moment of Pandava-Yadava amity while the Kauravas are fucked up. So there’s Arjuna/Subhadra/Draupadi clustered together; Bhima and Nakula offering characteristic favours; Satyajit unaware of the tulabharam episode as a Yadava in-joke.

On the day after Parikshit’s coronation as Crown Prince of Hastinapuri and Indraprastha, Yudhisthira grants boons to those who seek them, in his great-nephew’s name. Parikshit himself sits on his grandmother’s lap, Panchali and Partha flanking him and distracting him with sweets. The boons asked are of a nature to rouse waves of laughter, and make the little prince dance in Princess Subhadra’s gentle grip, delighted to be at the centre of so much attention. Bhima asks for permission to cook a feast in Parikshit’s name, Nakula to give milch cows to villagers in need, Princess Prabhavati to dedicate a temple to Lord Indra, long neglected among the Yadavas, and Prince Bhanu a school for worthy young men of the merchant castes. Even formidable Satyajit, King of Panchal with his score of dead brothers and nephews, asks to donate Parikshit’s weight in gold to the consecration of Khandavaprastha as sacred ground, a request that sends a howl of laughter rising from among the Yadavas, aimed perplexingly at Princess Satyabhama.

I love Bhanumati, just in case you couldn’t tell. I also love how Yuyutsu and Dushala, who started the story hostile and still don’t precisely like each other, click close in that ride-or-die sibling way.

Into the dying echoes of laughter steps Princess Bhanumati, robed austerely in white and bedecked with pearls, like a wave of the Ganga crashing ashore. In her wake comes Dushala, like a raft towed by a swan-ship, and takes Yuyutsu’s proffered hand, the seat empty next to his. Now they are three, when Yuyutsu had thought to be the only Kaurava at court, their father unwilling and Lakshmana absent and the other Princesses uninterested. Even Bhanumati has come to court only once before since he’s returned, and that to coax her daughter into speech.

“You should have told me,” he murmurs to Dushala, as Prince Balabhadra pledges to teach Parikshit as he taught his father and great-uncle, and then glances askance at the widow of his most famous pupil.

“We only found out this morning ourselves,” Dushala whispers back, “but it is true enough. Have you seen Vrishaketu?”

Yuyutsu gestures to Partha, leaning forward to chuck his grandson under the chin and then back to clasp the hand of his nephew, still smiling. “There is an awful symmetry to it.”

He’s theirs, and while Yuyutsu adores Yudhishtira and Dushala is trying to reconcile herself to the new shape of her life, they’re not entirely happy about Karna’s last son with the Pandavas. Vrishali definitely absolutely hates it.

Dushala sighs. “He’ll be safe enough, whatever happens now. His mother was worrying.”

Bhanumati is just. really good at this sort of theatre.

Balabhadra takes his seat; Bhanumati steps out in front of the throne, and sinks to her knees in front of it, her hands clasped and head lowered, a suspicion of tears on her face. Panchali turns in her seat to dart a speaking glance at Sahadeva, and is answered with a minute shake of the head.

“I have a boon to ask of you, Majesty, but a boon in truth, and no favour in disguise. My time for granting favours has fled, and now I may only ask.”

“Ask,” Yudhisthira says, “and we will judge how it is to be granted.”

This is a very... measured show of both deference and vulnerability? idk.

“I would have you intercede with your Yadava kin, Majesty.”

“The Yadavas are before your eyes,” Balabhadra calls. “What need have you of intercession, if you crave of us a boon that is just?”

“My lord is gracious,” Bhanumati says, and bows again.

They know the crap Lakshmana goes through, IJS.

“If it is to do with Lakshmana,” Pradyumna essays, “we think of her as a sister.”

Prince Bhanu nods assent, and Princess Satyabhama adds, “She has been a daughter to me these eight years; I must know what worries her mother.”

“It is a balm to my heart that my daughter has found other mothers, and siblings, especially now that her own are dead, yet I fear in speaking out I might deprive her of such shelter as she has, and remain unable to provide her with any other.”

Sahadeva KNOWS. Sahadeva knows everything, because he cannibalised his father at approx ten years old.

“Speak,” Sahadeva says, “and let not your courage fail you.”

“It touches upon the honour of my lord Krishna,” Bhanumati answers, “is it strange that fear grips my heart?”

Running joke of everyone insulting Krishna, including his family because that will never stop being hilarious to me.

His wives laugh, and Princess Rukmini says, “I promise you we have heard every possible insult to his high honour. Do not keep us waiting.”

“The day before Prince Parikshit’s coronation, Princess Prabhavati received a letter from Dwaraka, and shared its contents with my daughter, who has since taken to her bed, turning a deaf ear to any attempts to rouse her. I have heard since that you will soon return to Dwaraka and would beg the favour of keeping Lakshmana with me while she grieves.”

I... don’t know what I think about Jambavati, actually? I hate doing the bad son = bad mother thing, and I consciously stayed away from that here, but certainly of Krishna’s three Mahabharata wives, Satyabhama likes Lakshmana most and Jambavati least.

“What does your daughter grieve, that she must heal here among the Kurus?” Princess Jambavati leans forward in her seat, her face a grim mask. “We have given her time enough to grieve her father.”

“Who can know how long grief lives in the heart? My mother died a dozen years ago and still on dewy mornings I hear her voice in birdsong and I weep,” Bhanumati parries. “But Lakshmana grieves not the loss of her father’s life, but her husband’s love.”

Pradyumna also knows, but that’s because his wife got the letter and then woke him up at the crack of dawn to figure out how to deal with this.

It is possible to see when Prince Pradyumna pales, how closely he resembles his mother, their faces set together as they whisper.

So. uh. A lot of people abduct princesses (or get abducted by them) canonically. (Satyaki’s ancestor abducts Devaki for Vasudeva, e.g.) So Samba’s abduction of Lakshmana isn’t entirely beyond the pale, especially since Balarama endorsed it, but it’s not something the rest of them approve of, Satyaki least of all. Samba is Krishna’s dark mirror.

“He once did great deeds to gain her,” Satyaki drawls, “has he now forsaken her, when she needs him most?”

This is canonical-ish, btw. Samba’s a nightmare.

“That his heart strays to another while she is grief-struck is loss any woman may have to bear, and if it was only that I would not beg to keep her with me. The women of the Yadavas are as brave as they are beautiful, and my daughter, however lovely she may have been when Prince Samba’s eyes first rested on her, cannot compare, as no mortal woman may with an apsara. But that he trifles with one of Lord Krishna’s wives causes her grief from which I cannot shake her in so little time, nor can I hope for her health if in Dwaraka, when the very news of his love has so shaken her.”

Yup, the queen is a predator, it’s fabulous.

Jambavati growls, a low noise that travels spines and climbs blood. “Have you any proof of this?”

“Only what Princess Prabhavati told Lakshmana and Lakshmana told me; for truth you must ask the princess. I beg you, let me keep my daughter with me, that she might heal from her grief among those whose greatest care is for her.”

A lot of the story is to do with dealing with being middle-aged and growing into your parents without necessarily either repeating their mistakes or slipping back into the routines of your youth. idk if that came through? But this is one of those moments of mis/recognition for Yuyutsu.

She stays on her knees with hands folded together and eyes lowered, as Pradyumna and Prabhavati murmur confirmation to Princess Rukmini, the picture of serene determination. Here is one, Yuyutsu thinks of a sudden, who is a pupil, not of Shakuni but of Queen Gandhari, and makes of unflinching truth her greatest weapon.

This is the second sentence I wrote for this story. It was always going to be about surviving war and how contingent the fate of women is on the whims of their menfolk. The work was in trying to get them from the opening sentence to this.

The whispers thronging the hall stifle and still, and Dushala’s grip on his hand grows painful, and finally Krishna rises, and raises Bhanumati to her feet, and puts his lotus-pink palm on her forehead, and says, “Tathastu.”

[peacedolantwins]

Clean (E.D)

A/N: so I’m still working on this but heres some of what I already have finished. Hopefully someone likes this, I’m still not sure how I feel about it but let me know what you guys think :)

Summary: James longtime childhood friend moves in with him after moving from New York after having a rough past couple of months and she meets his friends who are going to change her life whether shes ready or not

Ethan Dolan came into your life suddenly and all at once, and he left it the same way. You had just moved in with your best friend James and he hadn’t told you he had invited a few friends to help you set up your furniture since he said he never wanted to put together another ikea dresser in his life after having to do his own. You had been upstairs trying to put together your stupid furniture when you decided to go downstairs and try and find Ian to help you. Ian loved you like a sister and as much as he hated putting his furniture together, you were sure you convince him to at least help you with yours. You heard someone down in the kitchen and you assumed it was Ian but when you walked in the only thing you saw was a guy you didnt know looking through the cabinets and you freaked out.

“Ian!” You knew that realistically calling out for James would be useless, knowing he would be equally freaked out as you were. Just as you heard who you thought was Ian coming up behind you, you were pulled to the side by some other guy you didnt know.

“Are you okay? Gray, what did you to her?” He was still holding you and you didnt know what to do. At this point, you started to call out for James hoping he would be some help here.

“Ethan, dude let go of her.” Ian finally showed up, moving you behind him. James finally came down the stairs, clearly having just woken up.

“Oh hey guys, Y/N-” He finally took a look at you and saw that you were not only confused as to what was happening, but you still looked kind of scared. “Oh my god, I forgot to tell you, I am so sorry! I asked them to come over and help with your stuff.” He went to give you a hug but you moved yourself into Ian’s arms and pressed your head into his chest, slightly pissed that your best friend didnt tell you there was going to be two random guys you didnt know in the house.

“I told you two text me when you were on your way, what did you two do to her?” James turned to his friends. Grayson, never liking a pissed off James, was quick to throw his brother under the bus.

“I was just here, but then she started screaming and Ethan came in and grabbed her and it freaked her out even more and thats when you two showed up.”

“Ethan, you grabbed her?” James turned to him and Ethan didn’t really have a good explanation for this situation.

“I- uh.. I didn’t mean to..?”

“Oh my god no wonder she freaked out. Well? Don’t be fucking rude, at least say sorry to her.” Just as he was about to speak, you moved away from Ian and faced them both.

“It’s okay, I just didn’t think anyone else was going to be here. I’m just a little pissed someone else didnt warn me.” You looked at James letting him know he was partly at blame here.

“And I apologized. There, we’re all okay now. So, to make it up to you, I have two friends who will help you put together your furniture so I don’t have to.” James smiled at you as he went and wrapped his arms around the twins.

“As nice as that sounds, I think youre the one being fucking rude for not introducing the people youre forcing to build furniture.” Your response seemed to shock both boys, they weren’t used to other people talking like that to James. Ethan already liked that about you.

“I’m Ethan and thats Grayson,” he held out his hand to you, but you instead moved and gave them hugs instead as you introduced yourself. You were a touchy person, it was just who you were. You hugged Ethan last, but there was something about him that interested you and you couldnt quite figure it out yet.

“Okay well you four have fun doing that, I’m going to order us some food so get going.”

Rolling your eyes at James, you started walking back towards the stairs.

“Ian, will you carry me please? I don’t wanna walk.” Not wanting you to mention how you had somehow managed to carry the over six foot boy around the house one time to his brothers friends, he sighed and crouched down so you could jump on his back. Both twins followed behind you two, giving other questioning glances. Were you dating Ian? They didnt think you were considering there was an almost 4 year age difference between you two, but who were they to judge.

A few hours in to still trying to build one dresser, both Ian and Grayson had left saying they needed a break. You were sitting on the floor trying to understand the directions that no one seemed to understand and thats when Ethan really took a moment to look at you. Your hair was falling out of the bun it was in, and your purple pajama shorts were peeking out from what seemed to be one of Ians shirts. He wasn’t sure why that seemed to bother him so much.

“So… are you and Ian…?” You looked up from the papers in front you and started at him shock.

“What? Ew, no gross. That’s disgusting. Just.. no.” Shaking your head you tried to get rid of that image. “Sure I love that kid, he’s like a little brother to me, but I’m pretty sure we would have killed each other by now if we were left alone for more than a few hours at a time.” Seeing Ethan look at you with disbelief and saw that he glanced down to your top, you decided to elaborate some more. “I steal his shirts because guys shirts are more comfortable to sleep in and James doesn’t exactly have loose enough shirts that are good to sleep in.” Nodding, Ethan went back to trying to fit pieces together again.

“Do you really not know who we are?” He asked after a few minutes of silence.

“I just know youre James’ friends. I know he did your Halloween makeup, which was really cool by the way. He would talk to me about you two a lot. I dont know much after that, these past months I’ve been kinda… busy I guess? Why? Is there something I’m supposed to know about?” You were curious about who he was supposed to be.

“No, I just thought-”

“Y/N stop flirting and come eat before you get mad there isnt food left!” Ian yelled at you from downstairs. Rolling your eyes, you got up and glanced at Ethan and saw that he had seemed to look a little red. Smiling, you thought this could be fun and reached out your hand to him.

“Wanna put on a little show?” He looked at you confused but was intrigued by the look in your eyes. “Relax, I wont do anything creepy, just go along with it.” Messing up your hair a bit more and wrinkling your shirt, you did the same to him before you grabbed his hand and headed downstairs, pulling him along with you. As you reached the kitchen, you watched as Grayson choked on his drink and both James and Ian looked completely shocked.

Smiling, you let go of his hand and went over and grabbed a piece of pizza before going over and hitting Ian in the arm. “You couldnt have given us a few more minutes, really?”

A/N: okay i know, not a whole lot of plot yet, but I had to start somewhere. Part 2 coming soon

[strangerous]

[ID: First, a content warning, as the following screenshots contain transphobia and TERF ideology. The screenshots are from facebook, with the white user Graham Linehan posting, "question for my gender-critical homies. What was the closest friendship you lost because of your beliefs? Or not even closest, just one that surprised you or knocked you back? We all know about losing livelihoods due to 'cancellation', but I want to show people the special cost of it." The following responses are from users that have had their names and profile pictures redacted, and will be separated by numerical order:

1. Lost one of my longest and best friends recently to this TERF war.

2. My parents, my sister (only sibling) and her daughter (a lesbian and my only niece) . It's been pretty quiet.

3. A friend of 23 years. No explanation. She just cut and ran. Its sad as she was very good to me when I was unwell. It was as soon as I peak transed."

4. I have lost my best mate. My daughter thinks she is a boy, and my best mate thinks its okay to call my girl by her new name and pronouns despite many conversations about why we wont, the danger in it. I am gutted and my husband and I have agonized over the decision to remain friends but ultimately we cannot as they are undermining us by disregarding our decisions. We feel betrayed.

5. I lost a whole friendship group. Women I thought I had knew, knew for years as we all had children and got married and divorced. Everything I brought up I was told it had nothing to do with being trans. There was a complete refusal to understand that accepting the 'nice' ones meant accepting them all. I walked away, I got so tired of being made to feel like I was in the wrong and if only I could just be nice.

6. haven't fallen out with anyone yet because I have to modify how I speak in certain situations, but one of my three children is firmly in the T W A W camp. I tried to tell her that she is participating in her own oppression, but she wont listen to me.

7. My son went off this platform 2 years ago, because he was afraid his friends and work colleagues would make the connection to me.

8. My brother. All but two of my closest friends. And my roommates now want to have a talk about whether or not I'm re-signing my lease with them because they were told i post transphobic hate speech on the internet and they dont want their trans friends to feel 'unsafe' when they come for a visit.

End ID]

Lmao fuck TERFs, these weirdos are so pathetic.

TERFs: Everyone agrees with us secretly and are just afraid of the TRA’s “cancelling” them.

Also TERFs:

[imagination-is-key-in-my-world]

Everything Has Changed (2/3)

Part 1

Summary : You are Jace's little sister. You recently moved to the institute following your perfect record in Idris. Izzy is ecstatic to have you back, but Alec gives you the cold shoulder.

Warning : Possible inappropriate language, alcohol misuse and violence.

Pairing : Alec Lightwood x Reader

Word Count : 2,687

“So he just left you?” You finally decided to talk to someone, and since Simon finally got the balls and broke up with Clary, you both realised that you needed each other. “No explanation?”

I shook my head and walked to the kettle. “Cuppa?” He shook his head taking out a hit flask. You knew what the contents were, considering what he was. “He said something about how things have changed, that people have changed and then he left.”

“I don't get it why would he do -” Before Simon could finish he clocked onto Alec walking towards the kitchen where you both were sat.

You were unaware as he was stood behind you, and Simon tried to tell you discretely but you were unaware of every attempt that he made.

“No idea. We used to be so close Si, but now. Now it's like he has had a mind transplant and forgotten about everything..” You went quiet as you continued “..forgotten about me.”

It was almost as if you had a severe case of word vomit. You just couldn't stop talking no matter how many times Simon tried to make you stop. “He promised we would always be together Si, but he wont give me the time of day.” You let out a sigh, “I miss him, I really miss him.”

Alec's smug smile had faded, he actually looked upset at your confession. Raising a finger to his lips, he gestured to Simon to keep quiet and walked back out of the room. Alec thought it would be better if you didn't know that he had heard everything you said.

“Y/N, I think that we need to go out.”

Your mouth dropped open to what he just said. “Si, you're a nice guy and everything but I need you as a friend, not -”

“Let me stop you right there.” He walked to sit by the side of you at the breakfast bar. “Night out, drinks, a night in pandemonium?”

You smiled. Getting drunk with your best mate was exactly what you both needed.

“Come by my room at 7.” You screeched to Simon who was grinning as you got extremely excited. Lifting up from your spot in the kitchen and running towards your room, bumping into Jace on the way.

“Y/N calm down!” He said in between laughs. “What's the hurry? What or should I say 'who' has made you the happiest I have seen in weeks?”

“Simon.” Jace rolled his eyes at the mere mention of his name.

He had to put up with Simon when Clary was going out with him. But now his little sister was always with him, it is like he could get 5 minutes without his presence, whether that be verbal or physical.

“We are going out tonight to Pandemonium. Gonna let my hair down so don't wait up!” You called not stopping.

__

It was almost 7 and you had sorted out what you were going to wear. Laying it on the bed perfectly as you sorted out your hair and make-up.

Simon knew you left things to last minute so he thought it would be best to meet you in the social room in the institute.

Standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, you were finishing up with your hair. You had decided to curl your hair today, something that you haven't done in a long time. You had always felt more confident when your hair was curled. Taking the last strand, you pulled it around the tongs when you heard a knock at the door.

“Si? I am not ready yet. Give me a few minutes.” You called from the bathroom, untangling the last strand from the iron.

You walked over to your clothes staring at the carpet,  “Jesus fucking Christ!” You screamed when you saw Alec, or more so clocking onto his feet as he sat on your bed. “What the fuck are you doing in here?”

“Jace told me you were acting 'odd,' and he also told me that you were going out with Simon tonight.” He paused scanning your body. It only just occurred to you that you were only in your underwear.

“Alec can you pass me my dress, please?” But he didn't move to get it, he was still staring at your body, almost in a trance. “Fine I'll get it myself.” You mumbled.

You had to lean over Alec to grab your dress, giving him an eyeful of your cleavage, just a mere centimeters from his face. This made him blush which somewhat satisfied you that you made him slightly uncomfortable.

You went into the bathroom and threw it on, sorting out your hair from where you had moved it when you had thrown it on. “Why do you care what I do in my spare time?” You called into your room.

“I just don't think that it is a good idea for you to go out tonight.”

“Why do you even care, Alec? You have barely even looked at me since I got back. Why would you care if I went out or not?” You went back into the room and grabbed your bag from the desk.

He stood up and followed you out of the room. “Y/N, I do care, I -”

You cut him off, turning around quickly to face him. “No Alec you don't. You haven't cared since the day I moved to Idris 5 years ago.” A tear came to your eye but you batted it away. “But I guess that is what I expected. I'm nothing more than a 'bitch' and a 'traitor.' Isn't that right?” His face fell to the floor, remembering the names that he called you the day you left.

“Y/N? I -”

“No Alec. Just don't.” With that you walked away, leaving him behind once again.

__

The day you left was hard. You didn't want to leave, you had to leave.

There was a rumour that surfaced claiming that if Valentine found you, that he would use you to ignite the Soul-Sword, meaning the end of all Downworlders.

It was a risk that Maryse, your step mom / adoptive mom, was not willing to take. 

Well at least this was what she had told you. She was close with all her children, but she never accepted you as much as she did Jace. She never connected with you, but Jace was always at her side. While you were always with Robert or Alec.

You were always too close to Alec and it unsettled Maryse. She didn't like rumours. They ruin reputations, and the Lightwood's were considered royalty in the Shadow World. The minute she saw how close you had gotten to her son, your adoptive brother, she felt conscious of what people would say.

She wouldn't be able to deal with the Clave thinking that she allowed her son and adoptive daughter to shack up under the same roof.

Her only option was for her to send you away to Idris where you could learn to fight and protect yourself, but still stop you from being close to her son. To her, image was everything.

You and Alec never knew the real reason why she did what she did. The only person who knew was Jace. He promised Maryse that he would never tell you or Alec. Especially after Alec found out you were moving and tried to come with you. Not being able to bare the idea of you leaving without him.

Everyone had gathered in the hall, saying their goodbyes to you as you were ready to leave the institute, a week after you were told you had to go. You were only 16 when you had to leave, but Maryse told you that she would do everything in her power to stop Valentine from getting to you.

“Goodbye Izzy.” You were crying as you said goodbye to your best friend. “I will miss you so much.”

You made your way over to Alec who was close to tears himself. You didn't know what Maryse had told him to get him to stop begging her for him to go with you. “Just go!” He said through the tears, “you're a traitor, and a-a-a bitch.” He ran off leaving you behind. You could hear his choked sobs through the loud chattering in the room.

Jace pulled you into his arms. “He didn't mean that. He is just hurt. You were his best friend, forever and always.

__

“So let me get this straight..” Simon screamed over the music at the bar, “he saw you in your undies?”

He was bursting out in laughter, finding himself to be the funniest vampire on the planet. Noticing that you were not finding him amusing he stopped. “Okay Okay, on a serious note, what happened?”

“I told you, I walked in. He was there, and he spat some shit about me going out tonight.” You were counting each point you made on your fingers. “I don't get it Si, ignore me, resent me and now try to act all protective the minute I say – well not even I say, Jace told him, that I am going out.”

“I call bullshit!” He yelled passing you your 5th shot. “There is something going on with him.”

“You got that right!” You wiped the bit of shot that dribbled down your chin. “Anyway what is going on with you and Maia?”

“What do you mean him and Maia?” You recognised the voice instantly, “Hey Y/N, thanks for the invite.”

Maia patted your shoulder, not much of a hugger either. “Speaking of the devil.” You laughed, “Shot?”

She shook her head, “Actually, I was thinking more of going out there and showing all these Downworlders what real dancing looks like.”

You and Maia were not the closest but whenever you got together you had to admit that you had a good time. If it wasn't Simon leading you astray then it would be Maia. “Then what are we still doing up here. Ma lady.” You held your hand out for her and she took it.

__

You had been dancing with Maia and Simon for about half an hour non stop and started to feel a little light headed. “I'm just gonna go get some water!” You yelled over the music, “want anything?”

They both shook their heads so you took the opportunity to run to the bar. Grabbing the water that you had asked for. You went to turn away after paying the bartender. But you were shoved up against the bar knocking the drink that not only you were holding, but the person's drink who had bumped into you.

“For fucks sake!” You cried under your breath. Not wanting to make a big scene but still clearly annoyed at the inconvenience.

“Fuck you say!” The girl screamed in your face, as you tried to ignore her. Drunks were never people you tried to mess with. “What are you deaf as well as blind? I said what the fuck did you just say?”

Trying to avoid any further problems, you moved away from the girl only to have her push you down onto the sticky floor. “Bitch I asked you a fucking question!”

You cried out in pain, even though you were familiar with it. Being a Shadowhunter came with a few painful bruises.

“I'll buy you another drink, you haven't even got a drop on you.” You say trying to pry yourself up from the floor.

That was when she slapped you right across the face, “You think you are so special with those runes, don't cha.”

“You tell her babe.” A male voice cheered from behind her. Clearly amused and probably turned on by the violence his girlfriend was displaying onto another person.

“I d-” You was interrupted by yet another slap on the other side of your face.

“Y/N!” Maia and Simon called when they saw the scene. You looked over at them and tried to walk towards them but you got pushed back down to the floor. The girl on top of you smacking you about. Although you were capable of beating the shit out of her, but you didn't want to, she was drunk.

“Get off of her!” You recognised the voice, as well as the feel of those hands on your waist. Those hands brought back the memory of him in the training room 7 years ago. Alec helped you up from the ground. His eyes scanned all over you to see if you were seriously injured. “Y/N are you okay?”

“I'm fine Alec, I just want to go home.” Simon and Maia were now by your side. “Si, can you take me home please?”

He looked at Maia and had an apologetic expression on his face. “I'm sorry Y/N, but Maia and I were going to go and watch a film at my place.” He raised his eyebrows several times, allowing you to understand that he liked her. You could have insisted but you didn't want to get in the way of someone else's happiness. Just because you were miserable, didn't mean he had to be.

“It's fine you guys have fun. I'll ring Izzy or Jace.” You got out your phone and started dialling the number but Alec took the phone out of your hand. “Hey!”

“I'll take you home, it will be a lot faster if you stop arguing and refusing.”

“No you wont.” All of a sudden the room turned upside down as you were thrown over Alec's shoulder. “Alec put me down.” You cried, hitting his back like a small child refusing to do as they were told.

__

“Alec put me down now!” You had been over his shoulder almost the entire time it took to walk back to the institute. He sighed and placed you down onto your feet. “What is going on.”

His eyes fell onto the scratches on your cheeks from where the girls false nails had caught your skin. Alec found himself reaching out towards them only to have his hand swatted away by you. His face immediately fell to the floor.

“Y/N I didn't mean what I said.” He lifted his head to look at you. “T-the day that you l-left.” He stuttered while he was talking, choking on his tears. “I-I was hurt that you were leaving me behind. You promised we would always stick together.”

“I had to leave I didn't want to.”

“ Mom told me that you didn't want me to come with you. She said that you couldn't stand the idea of being stuck in Idris with me. That you n-needed space,” he paused letting his face fall once again, “space from me.”

“Maryse said what?” You yelled causing the people walking passed you to turn around and give a questioning look. “She told me I had to leave because Valentine was going to use me to destroy the Downworlders. I didn't want to go, why could you think I would want to leave you.”

His mouth fell open at the new revelation. “So you did want me to come with you? You didn't want to leave cause of me?”

You shook your head, “Of course not Alec, you were my best friend.” A tear fell from your eyes. He reached out to wipe it away but you beat him to it. “I was alone Alec, I wanted my friend. I asked you to visit, but you never came.”

You took that as you opportunity to leave. Walking back to the institute on your own.

Part 3

[davidnegrizzle]

Pa Rum Pum Pum Pum

I worked at Target for the majority of my adult life. I was hired in October 2009 when I was 19 years old. I started as a truck unloader/stocker and worked about 12 laughable hours a week. My paychecks never cracked past $300. I didn’t care. I was 19 and still living with my parents who didn’t charge rent. All my income was pocket money. I worked mainly Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Every Tuesday and Thursday I spent what little money I made at Disneyland with my friend Val. We were a mess and half. At one point I even received a call from Chase inquiring about suspected fraud. They wanted to know if I was really spending every Tuesday and Thursday at Disneyland. The female disembodied voice over the phone told me she was jealous when I confirmed and wished me a great day.

Something happened to me at Target, though. I found my footing at Target. I grew and matured. Through changes in management and learning about myself and my faults, I started to get recognized for my talents. Four years after getting hired I took a promotion. It was the best decision and the worst decision I have made in my career.

Being a supervisor allowed me to use my problem solving skills, it changed the pace at which I worked, and it taught me even more skills— skills that my friends, who were barely graduating from college, were trying to acquire.

Target inadvertently also pushed me to go back to school. Through some miscommunication and misunderstanding between my manager and mentor, who was also named David, I received an abysmal yearly review. I went home that day, applied to a community college, and my life has never been the same since (I will be receiving my Bachelor of Arts this upcoming school year. The review was also corrected.)

My favorite part about being a supervisor was being an advocate for my team members. I cared for my team members on a personal level. They weren’t machines who needed to push Target’s insipid RedCard and its paltry benefits. I refused to coach and write up cashiers who didn’t push the RedCard. In fact, I did the opposite. Whenever a cashier would tell me that another executive leader was going to talk to them about not getting any RedCard applications, I would inform the cashier that the executive technically couldn’t. I would show the cashiers their core roles and point out to them that the core roles stated that the cashier should inform the guest about the benefits of the RedCard, not that the core roles required a quota of RedCard applications. A technicality.

Team members also learned to trust me in ways they didn’t trust the other leadership team. I learned about their issues at work, at home, and was even able to help transfer a team member to a warehouse, which is a very difficult thing to do.

Because of the 2013 data breach Target experienced, I suspect, Target restructured and began to clean house. They liquidated their highest paid executive team and hired young kids fresh out of college. At the time that I quit, at 27 years old, I was older than the store manager, the assets protection manager, and the same age as the human resources and sales floor managers. And these last two were the ones to fuck me over the worst.

I had a previous relationship with the human resources manager. She was once an hourly team member just like me. Together, more or less, we rose through the ranks. We grew up with the company together. When she promoted, she became brand new. I learned this a little too late. I learned that this new person, the one that got promoted, was not the girl I had fallen in love with, who I believed to be caring and special. I wont insult her here, but I still send her negative energy when I think of her. Because the store was underperforming, the district managers were looking for the explanation. The executive team, rather than questioning themselves, their daily three to five hour lunches in the back offices, their disgusting actions and improper communication processes with the hourly team, or the fact that they worked five to six hours a day even though their position called for ten hours a day, blamed the hourly team members for the state of the store.

I was one of those blamed.

I went from an “effective leader” to a “trouble performer.” My work center’s hours were reallocated to a different work center, my team members’ hours were reduced, and were expected to finish daily tasks while servicing customers. And although I was considered a “trouble performer,” I was expected to fill both the Cafe team lead and the guest services team lead positions. When it came time to yearly reviews, I was expected to finish reviews for the 25+ team members.

The sales floor executive, who was my manager, was the most disgusting person I have ever met in my life. He berated team members and hurled personal insults at them. One of my proudest moments was giving one of the team members this guy verbally abused a pep talk. The executive found it appropriate to tell him that this team member was the laziest guy he had ever met, that he was slow and didn’t do things right. The team member, who was actually hard working and provided amazing customer service, attempted the squash the entire situation. He reached out his hand and offered a handshake to the executive. The executive looked at his hand and walked away. During my pep talk with the team member I reminded him how amazing he was. He cried. He thanked me. He asked for a hug. It completely broke my heart to see him so down that I, a person who would usually cringe at the idea of hugging anyone, wanted to hug him back.

I began to become stressed as HR and the sales floor exec began the process of writing me up. I would cry for no reason. When my sister told me she was moving out, a happy occasion as she was moving in with her boyfriend and starting a life with him, I began to cry. Once, as I drove home, my favorite song on my iPod came on. I cried so hard I considered pulling over to the side of the freeway because of how blurred my vision became because of the tears. I got stress acne.

The day I quit was difficult. After 7 years, almost 8, Target had become my second home. The team members became my family. We always promise to keep in touch in situations like this, but I knew that this would be the end. I’m a Virgo. I’m realistic about life. And I never keep in touch.

After signing my resignation papers and holding back the tears, I said goodbye to one of my team members. She began to cry. She hugged me and thanked me. She said she didn’t know what she would do without me. She thanked me for helping her when her mother passed away.  And then my favorite guest services team member sought me out when she heard (this news always travels like wildfire). She was almost my strongest advocate and supporter. I thank God and the Universe for her. I still send her positive energy when I think of her. She always offered me advice when I needed it and a kind ear.

When I left the building, I turned around and looked back at what my life had been for the past 7-8 years. A bit dramatic, but it felt right. In the United States, our jobs and careers become part of our identity. It is one of the first questions we ask strangers. How could it not? At 40 hours a week, we see the people we work with more than some family members and friends. Target was an extension of who I was, my psyche.

As it is, I still have unresolved feelings, even now almost two years since I quit. I am angry at how disposable I was. I am angry at how I was treated. But, more importantly, I am angry at myself for giving so much of myself to the company. I gave up holidays, birthdays, special events just to be inconsequential, disposable chattel.

I did a short stint at an Amazon warehouse after quitting, but it didn’t work out. I have been unemployed since.

On Tuesday, I was hired at a major inventory company, and received my first day of training on Thursday. It was at a Sears. As I walked the sales floor, the shiny white linoleum reflecting the unforgiving fluorescent lights above, I experienced something I can only describe as an out-of-body deja vu. I followed my trainer through the sales floor, to the training room, at the same quick pace I used to get from one end of Target to the next. I was taken back to the things I loved most about Target. It felt good to be at a store again as something other than a customer.  I suppose I’m one of those strange people who genuinely enjoys customer service. I was surprised at myself as I put one foot in front of the other by the sensation I was feeling. I quickly pushed the feeling aside. I was not going to cry in front of strangers, my trainer, and the other person training with me.

I don’t know why I felt that way. Perhaps my subconscious mind was reminding me of my reacquired independence (I’ve been living off my student loans and my blessed sister.) Perhaps it provided the closure I’ve been in search of since I resigned. Perhaps it just felt good to be useful again. I don’t know what it was, but I welcome it. Incidentally, I won’t be giving so much of myself to this company. I will not allow it to consume me, usurp me.

I have lived my life backwards. When my friends went off to college, I began working in earnest. Now that they have graduated and have gained their careers (a dietician, a high school English teacher, an administrator at a bilingual middle school in Mexico), I am nearing the crossroads of my future. From the ages of 27 till now, I have been forced to find myself again. To find my identity. I write about my Saturn Return phase comically, but the truth is that this has been the hardest three years of my life. I look at how successful my friends and family are and wonder whether that will be me. The Virgo quickly shuts me up and reminds me that, of course it will be. As hyper critical of myself as I am, I also know how amazing I am. It comes off as arrogant, but I don’t care.

I. Am. Amazing.

I don’t believe things happen for a reason. That is insulting to the people who face some real shit in their lives. But when I look back I see that every moment of my life, every decision I’ve made, has led me here. When I graduate, I will chase my dreams in earnest. I will be unstoppable. I am amazing.

My entire life I have always followed the beat of my own drummer. Sometimes he plays a wonderful tune. Sometimes he’s off beat. And sometimes the mother fucker is playing a tambourine instead. But I dance along. He’s lost his drumsticks at the moment, but I’m still dancing. I wont stop. It’s what I do. Plus, in a world where Donald Trump is president, anything is possible.

[ur-bi-gf]

My soulmate who is now my ex

I kinda have no place else to write this. I feel like I'll bother my friends on vent because they want me to get over him, Ive gotten better but im not over him at all

You know, some people meet the one and never screw it up from there because they dont want to lose what they have.

But others.. People like me, we meet the one and we screw it again and again and again and again because that's just who we are! We're scared of losing them so we end up fucking up because that fear builds up.

Also because we're idiots! All we wanna do is love them but our fear gets to us.

See, I found the one, and i screwed it up by breaking up with him... I dont remember why i broke up with him... It was cause i lied because of the reason, and I've kinda only told one person since then... I was scared to talk to him about it because its so.... Repetitive.

And i was in denial when we broke up, and then it all hit me.

Yeah i was going through the five motherfucken stages of grief hah! I had no idea until i hit depression.

One night it all hit me, no one will ever love me and treat me like this boy has.

I begged for him to get back with me because i didnt know what else to do and i said i wouldnt beg him but i did, and i made him feel like a dick.

I made him feel like an asshole...

And he isnt, hes the most funniest guy there is, hes so handsone and so sexy like seriously!!! And his laugh and smile are so perfect and the little things like his "Yay"s and "Yee"s or the way he would look at me when i did something cute, or his voice, god his voice was amazing. He was truly amazing and I loved him with all my heart...

Its just i missed him so much and i wanted us to try again, well there wasnt gonna be a "try" i know if we got back together we would stay together for life.

One day he started ignoring me... I didnt know why but he'd talk to me less and less till he just started seening me. And... I didnt know why.

I had hope i could be with him again and i told him i had hope so much! I mean come on! We were perfect for each other and i had my first kiss with him, and i cried every night for him and i felt so lonely without him. Nothing could help.

I texted his best friend for advice (his best and i were like friends-ish). Turns out he got a new girlfriend.

And he didnt tell me.

So here I was texted a guy, calling him a shit load of times, telling him how much i loved him... And he couldnt tell me he had a girlfriend.

Maybe he was trying to protect me? Maybe he didnt feel like I deserved an explanation? I will never know.

But me finding out was definitely inevitable.

When i say ive never cried that hard, I mean it, i was sobbing and screaming into a pillow and hitting my bed, i was a fucking mess.

For days i didnt shower and my hygiene was shit, i didnt eat, didnt drink anything, i was horrible.

I resented him for leaving me, because it DID only take him a few days to a week to get a new gf, but that... I guess that's my fault?

When asked how he got over me so quickly he says because i made him feel like an asshole and a dick.

Great... *SARCASM!!!*

I know that you know I didnt mean to do that, but he thinks i did. I just wanted him back and it got lost in translation. I was so in love with him, like a lot.

I shouldn't have resented him but that's just how stupid teenage me handled it. I made a bunch of posts on how i didnt need him and how i hate him and how he was shit and hes a bitch and blahblahblah, AND then half my other posts were oh i miss him, i love him, im nothing without him and blahblah.

I resented him for dating the girl i was afraid of stealing him away from me, because holy fuck i always thought she was better than me, but he always told me he saw her as a sister and nothing more... I dont know if he lied or if that changed, because now theyre dating.

He doesnt even want to talk to me now, I'm not sure of the exact reason, but I'm sure its because of something I did.

I really think he's my soulmate, even if he isnt, fuck i think he's meant to be mine and i was meant to be his, but now hes with another girl. And god that kills me so fucking much, but if he's happy, I'm happy.

I hope hes happy though, his smile was always the cutest.

I think he loves her more than me already, which mightve been fast but hes over me so... Yeah.

This turns into advice, if you lose someone, if you think they're your soulmate, hold them tight and never let them go no matter what, trust yourself and trust them, trust in the both of you. If you let go and find better holy shit great job!!! But if you let go, you may regret it, like i did.

I dont expect anyone to read this, this is kind of like advice for myself in the future, I know i wont date for a while because this has hurt me like nothing else, but also...you know its true heartbreak when you cant hurt more than you already are.

I'll always love him and want him, but he's happy with another girl so I'm happy for them, I wish him the best.

[dinoblip]

i found guardians of the galaxy vol 2 a bit shit

I saw it a little less than a week ago and I’m still disappointed.

I prefer to think of this post more of an “analysis” than a rant but itll probably be more the latter.

also these are all just opinions, if you liked it thats fine.

(spoilers ahead)

1. the writing

i mean i wasnt expecting it to be a masterpiece, hardly any sequels are, but the humour of the first film was 100% tied to the clever screen writing. 

and here it felt like the writer was hamfistedly trying SO GODDAMN HARD to be funny and it never really seemed to land except in 1 or 2 scenes (the groot button scene and the scene where groot is explaining why he doesnt like hats).

This might just be my dumb sense of humour here, i know plenty of people who did find it funny but so many lines just left me cold or rolling my eyes.

An example is this fruit gag and the set-up is okay. 

One of the first things nebula says in the film that she wants a piece of fruit which she is then denied because it isn’t ripe yet. This is fine, its humorous because of the casual tone of the question and the somewhat overly stern and ridiculous answer, the outright denial perhaps being because gamora doesnt want to be charitable to her sister at all. It works. 

Then it gets reestablished: theyre now fighting people and the fruit is on the ground in the fray and nebula is still a prisoner. Now she asks Drax for the fruit and Drax yells over his gun “no its still not ripe”. This doesnt work quite as well cause it doesnt make quite as much logical sense and its basically the same conversation as before. So its not funny here.

Then the pay-off doesnt work because its too hamfisted. There is a reveal that nebula has managed to escape and now has a gun in one hand and the fruit in the other. That alone would have been a good pay-off because theres a sense of misplaced priorities, maybe simply because she kept getting denied it she went out of her way to bring it with her. I chuckled at that.

But then the script makes her triumphantly take a bite out of it, spit it out dramatically as if its disgusting and then explain “it wasnt ripe”. And they film it as if thats the punchline. It was too hammy to be funny, it seemed like such a waste of an opportunity. 

Like they could have made it more understated like they could have stretched it out a little. Here’s an idea for what they could have done instead. Shes quite a proud character so her taking a bite in triumph fits her character fine but once she takes a bite, she smiles for a bit that sorta slowly turns into a bit of a grimace but continues chewing determinedly, her face a picture of disgust. that could be the end of the scene or it could continue by then having a ravager break the silence to ask if shes alright. she sorta manages to swallow it down but when she next talks her voice could be a bit claggy and constantly sounding like shes on the verge of coughing which would undermine her authority over the situation. 

This is one of the few times they attempt a recurring joke and it doesnt work at all (off the top of my head i cant even remember one other one and the first film had so many). Other examples of failed jokes include pretty much all lines said by Drax who only seems to laugh manically and insult Mantis and nothing else including one which doesnt even work within his character (this one: mantis is watching all the raider funeral fireworks and she says that theyre beautiful and drax is staring at her and says “yes, beautiful” pause “on the inside” ITS ESTABLISHED OVER AND OVER THAT HE IS LITERAL MINDED SO WHY IS HE SAYING THAT). And I would also say that alot of the jokes with Groot aren’t very good either and neither is his character in this film but dont worry I’m gonna justify that in a second. I plan on giving him an entire fucking section.

So not only did the jokes not work but even the normal conversations felt stilted. And so often it almost looked like the actors werent sure of how they were meant to say lines in a way that would sound natural. Peter Quill wasn’t sounding like Peter Quill all of a sudden, Gamora didnt feel like Gamora.

It made for a confusing experience. I kept having to question myself for not laughing at a joke or feeling emotionally invested in what was happening. i ended up asking myself alot “this is a guardians of the galaxy film, why arent i having fun?”

2. the story

I freaking loved where they went with the character development of yandu and nebula (she and gamora are my favs) but it made me realise how mindless the main story is. The only thing i found exciting about the main storyline was yandu’s backstory and then his redemption AND THEN THEY KILLED HIM. SO WHATEVER. NEVERMIND. Just so they could have a tearjerker ending.

anyway back on track, the main storyline, starlord’s was pretty standard and you could see the fact that starlord’s dad is evil from the beginning, mainly cause he’s shown to be too cool and flawless at first which is a big warning sign. It was more just boring than anything else. Though the cg for Ego rematerialising in really disgusting ways was amazing. But thats hardly a substitute really.

It’s just: chris pratt goes to find father -> turns out his dads a planet therefore chris pratt is Special™ -> oh no his dads bad what a shocker and he’s wanting galactic domination -> now they gotta fight and they do.

Everything else (which is alot by the way, there is so much “everything else”) is basically unrelated except yandu’s story but even then he has this mutiny happening on his ship for a bunch of the film which has nothing to do with most things. And then after a bloodbath he ends up flying his own ship again so none of that mattered and any consequences of killing an entire crew (that you would guess would be around for some reason like, i don’t know, maintaining the ship so it can fly places) simply do not exist. And then after that up til the Big Fight, yandu, yandu’s right-hand man (cant remember his name) and rocket scream into the camera for a while while they warp through apparently too many warp points or something. cause it seems like they had to fill up 3 minutes.

Meanwhile Chris Pratt and gamora have romantic tension or something while he tries to come onto her and stuff and she isn’t into it and then her development is her coming round to him? She doesnt have any other story except being attacked by nebula sometimes and not doing anything in the Big Fight for some reason????? She and nebula fall off a ledge which they cling to for most of the fight while mantis does her mind-fuckery til she gets knocked out and then the dudes take care of it.

Rocket’s character development is mainly yandu telling him not to push people away and that he knows what its like to be in rocket’s shoes yadda yadda. so that gives rocket some time to be angsty cause they need to fill there angst quota somewhere.

like i said i did like nebula’s character development and her backstory but it wasnt really relevant either. it did flesh her out as a character tho.

my main issue with the story was there was an emphasis on these character subplots which ususally I’m all for. But if there was a main plotline which actually tied it all together then it would have worked. It was all well themeatically of having all these characters choosing their families over their bloodties. But having all these subplots almost occur in a vaccum away from all the other subplots AND the main storyline, makes for a really slowww film. in which once a scene ends, more often than not, you have to ask yourself “and what was the point of that”.

And also once you start giving fleshed out character development for the sake of fleshed out character development and not for the overall plot, it makes the fact that some character’s weren’t given this treatment all the more apparent.

Like Drax, in the first film he was a very well developed character. But as i said earlier, literally all he does in GotG2 is laugh alot and tell mantis she’s ugly.

and then there’s groot’s character develop- HA NO

3. GROOT

there is no character development for groot because groot has no character.

groot has ceased to exist and a vacuous void has been been put in his place. that is the only explanation i can come up with for the way he is depicted: he died at the end of the last film, his consciousness vacated his body and then when he was being regrown, no consciousness was left to get put into it.

look

i really dont like being pandered to and here marvel was clearly pandering to anyone who thought little stick groot dancing at the end of the first film was adorable. and i did, obviously. who didnt? but when you try to replace character and motivation with cute, it wont work.

he is dancing and when he’s not dancing he’s misunderstanding information or being near useless in battles. All while he has that creepy vacant smile is on his face.

the camera freaking loves this idiot. to the point that the title sequence just has him dancing to mr blue sky while looking straight into the fucking camera, WHILE A WHOLE FIGHT IS HAPPENING AROUND HIM THAT I WOULD MUCH RATHER SEE.

for one thing, its an injustice to mr blue sky. that shits my jam.

for another thing, there is no music playing within the scene, its non-diegetic. so why’s he dancing?????

in the first film it makes sense cause not only cause the music matters to starlord but also cause it is happening in the scene, he’s listening to it on his headphones and it goes away when he takes them off. it also serves for conveying his character. and also the cinematography is great:the sweeping camera moves and visual gags really make you excited for the film to come.

Here, not only does it not make sense for him to be dancing as there’s no music, it also doesnt make sense for him to be dancing in the middle of a battle or dancing for a camera that he knows the presence off (this aint no 4th wall breaker or it shouldnt be). also the cinematography sucks cause hes too fucking small now so if you go for a wide shot you cant see the fucker. and also youd get distracted from his dancing because of all the action thats happening and WE CANT HAVE THAT. And the animation is good (i mean of course its good its fucking marvel) but they went so out of their way to kid-ify him that his arms and legs are really quite small compared to his head. Which would be fine, but with a dance-number, big arm and leg movements feel very small and don’t match the big music. I really felt a disconnect between what i was seeing and the music i was hearing. it didnt fit (while in the first film it so totally did).

the biggest issue i have with it is that it prioritises the wrong character. it prioritises groot when groot doesnt even have a semblence of a story. he does 2 things in the whole film: unlock a cage and carry a bomb for a little bit (because they realised that he wasnt doing anything so they threw him a bone).

then youve got the other characters getting introduced by telling him off for dancing. which is fair enough but it introduces them as sticks in the mud which is a weird way to introduce the main characters of a Fun Quirky Comedy film. 

like i watched this opening and not only got annoyed at how long it felt but i also genuinely thought “oh i guess this is a groot film”. 

I cannot even begin to explain how much could have gone wrong for me to think that.

I kinda hope the 3rd film (which you can bet your ass Marvel is making right now) is better or at least maybe not as rushed cause i did love the first film and it would be a shame for it to get chewed up in the haste to make make as much money off it as possible before it becomes irrelevant.

C’mon James Gunn. you’re better than this. Sometimes.

P.S. the gold people lol

[thestudvanira]

Parents Update

From this point on there will be just a bunch of personal rambling so You can scroll right past if that’s not your bag. Other wise get ready to hear my weird family update. 

So whenever my parents ( or other family members) feel guilty or are aware that they should apologize they dont. Instead they give you money or buy you gifts. That has been a common place thing for as long as I can remember. My sister and I got in a screaming match, she realized she was wrong, so I had a new comic book waiting for me on my bed after school. Then it was never spoken of again. 

Thats not at all a healthy way to live but that’s the rigid and unshakable method of problem solving my family adheres to. No matter how often I ask to talk things out or try to address problems directly I’m accused of making drama or digging up the past. So earlier this week my mother calls me from the nail salon and asks me to come see her. She happens to go to the salon right down the road from me so I figured that was why.

When I get there she hands me 80 bucks and tells me the credit card ( originally for emergencies when I was living 1000 miles away) was being replaced after I lost it when my wallet was stolen. She told me it would be coming in the mail soon but she wanted to make sure I had money in the mean time (I dont) but here is where it gets weird. You see at first I had no idea why she was doing this. Her and I hadn't fought or anything I had mostly just avoided her and my father. 

My mom found out about the emails my dad and I had exchanged (probably because I called my brother extremely upset) and she was doing this ( and buying me 400 dollars worth of vitamins and protein powder) to apologize for him. You see I had emailed my dad a list of Trans peoples Parent resources with the explanation that I understood how hard this would be to talk about with me (for a family who does NOT have personal conversations) so the links gave him an opportunity to privately think about it and learn. He emailed me back a long message about how he is depressed how he failed as a parent. How none of his kids love him or turned out to be good god fearing republicans like him. How he misses his baby girl and he told me “You only think you're trans because you feel guilty for not supporting your friend as kids” That friend he is mentioning is a whole different complicated story I wont get into but it was insulting none the less. HE attached pictures from my prom and told me I “showed no signs” because I liked makeup and dressing up. 

I was extremely hurt and frustrated and I wrote back explaining that he didn't know me at all. That he hasn't since I was 12 since he was completely unaware that as soon as puberty hit he had a suicidal teenager living in his house. I explained my identity is not a result of my interests and I tried my damnedest to respect that he probably IS depressed and show him that if he would be respectful and stop pushing me away Id be there for him. He kept saying I never came around so I pointed out that the last few times I did he wouldn't look at me or talk to me especially in public. 

Anyway my mom must have gotten wind of this and even though she still calls me Rachel she has made no comments at all about my transition and just ignores it completely. I said I want to build muscle she said okay lets get protein powder. I said I was struggling with acne she spread this fancy face cream stuff on my face herself. She actually sat there looking at me and touching my beard and telling me about her day and I wanted to cry. It was a strangely intimate situation sitting at the kitchen table her hands on my face next to a note she had written for herself that had my dead name on it. I dont know what the fuck to do 

My parents are fine as long as I let them play the ignorance is bliss game but If I try to make them respect me they shatter. Its so fucking frustrating. I’m sick to my stomach as I type this. I hate accepting the money and the gifts because I know in their minds that means I've forgiven them but I cant refuse because the way the offer it is so gentle and kind it would be insulting to just not take it. Usually they have already purchased whatever they want to give you and are holding it out or they have you meet them somewhere like a public nail salon to try and hand you money. So you would make a scene if you refused. 

I dont even know what I’d do if they did accept me. they have never supported me in any of the ways I needed them to so I cant even wrap my mind around the idea of what my parents would be like as supportive friends. 

I’m getting the paperwork for my name change on Tuesday and I’m changing my last name. So I guess we will see what happens next. 

[gucjimin]

Passion

Word Count : 1.1k

JiminXReader

Genre: Fluff x Angst

“Never give up on a dream you’ve been chasing your whole life “ - Park Jimin

Ch1 | Ch2 

A/N : hi! this is one of my angst/fluff fic of jimin and i kinda just got the idea of this plot out of nowhere but yeah i hope you like it! please like and reblog!

Beginning of Success

Tears flowing. Deafening shouting. Fingers pointing. This was how the day of your success had started.A pretty weird way, but it just happened that way.You were never the perfect daughter to start with, probably the least obedient daughter in the house. With all your dad’s high expectations, you can’t imagine how much stress you would be forced through if mom didn't defend and fight for you. On the other hand , your little sister who was 8 years younger was your dad’s trophy. She met all his expectations, does everything he tells her. She was basically under his control like a robot. You both weren’t very close due to the age gap but also she spent her days in her room studying. You didn’t know how she did it but she did.While she was under his control , just like your mom, you had a dream you wanted to achieve. A goal you wanted to reach. It was to become a successful musician and singer. It was the only thing you wanted because you knew your mom gave up hers to be something your dad rather preferred which was a business woman. Your mom had to throw away her dreams because she was practically forced to marry your father. Although at one point they fell for each other but that didn’t last long.Overall you didn’t know what was so bad about wanting to dream. Your dad was just always against it and acting like you were asking him to become a drug dealer or something but when you were little your mom use to tell you to dream big and make her happy. Since the day your mom passed away , your dad had become more strict than he was and there was no one to tell him to give you a chance to dream.It was about time for you to tell him that his opinions didn’t change your mind. You were going to apply for the best music university regardless. Although you didn’t want to have to tell him, you thought he should at least know, even if he relentlessly told you off and that it’s never gonna happen. You felt your nerves getting to you as you were nearing your dad’s study room. As much as you want to just run away from this problem , you had to face it either way.Standing for about 10 minutes outside your dad’s study room debating to tell him or not , you finally brought the guts to knock.“Come in,” your dad called out.Slowly opening the door , you walked in giving your dad a weak smile.“Umm so dad.. I want to talk to you about something.” “Mm what is it?” he said taking off his reading glasses that he was using to read some book.“So you know how we’ve talked about what university I should go to right..” “Yeah and have you decided?”“Yeah..yeah I have but-“ you stopped and took a deep breath.“But what,” he curiously looked at you.“But you probably will oppose to the idea , I’m planning on going to Juilliard the School of Music in New York , I know it’s not something you want me to do but you can’t just keep me here in Seoul do-,” Before you got to finish your explanation he cut you off.“Look when I said no to music I meant it, look at your pathetic self talking about music. Do you see that music isn’t gonna help you become successful? Even if you did become famous because of all this “music producing” thing you want to do, do you think that you will live a good comfortable life? There will be people after you , following you , stalking you , do you really want that?” he questioned.“Well, if I still get to make music through all of that , it wont affect me. As long as I can make music to make others happy, I’m fine with giving up a private life for their happiness.”“You’re seriously pathetic,” he scoffed.You felt the hurt whenever he called you pathetic , you never really commented on it but this time you’ve had enough. You weren’t going to stand around for him to insult you when you could end up living a better life than him.“Pathetic?” you chuckled as you felt tears forming at the rim of your eyes.“If I’m so pathetic, what does that make you dad and what does that make mom? I’m actually going out there trying to do what I want, what about you? Sitting in this damn study room 24/7 reading those stupid damn books of yours while making mom work herself to the point where she’s dead , if it wasn’t for her do you think we’d be under this damn roof with our lives so fucking in place?” you croaked.“Don’t you dare go there,” he aggressively looked up at you.“Do not bring your mom into this, what right do you have to say that, maybe if you fucking listen and live like a normal fucking human than maybe I wouldn’t have to stress so much over your immature self,” he slammed the table.“Funny you say that. If mom was here, things wouldn’t be like this. Don’t you remember that she wanted me to dream big , she even told me that no matter what it was you both would support me.”Tears were starting to spill from you eyes with the memories of your mom.“I said no and thats final,” he coldly said as he ignored your words.“Just stop it dad! Being cold isn’t going to stop me from going to Juilliard.” “NO , YOU STOP IT!” he suddenly shouted startling you.You both were staring at each other with furious looks in your eyes.He then slowly lifted his hands that was shaking from anger and pointed straight to your face.“You will leave this house immediately. Unless you stop talking about that dumb dream of yours and go study what you’re supposed to. If you’re so sure that music is you everything, then leave right now.”Anger reeked the room.It was that moment when you lost it. Sobs and sounds of your footsteps running out filled the room. You felt numb and you didn’t think at all.All you could do was run to your room and take out the guitar you mother had given to you on Christmas and leave.You didn’t bother to pack anything. No money, no extra clothes, no nothing.Just you and your guitar.You never looked back. You never hesitated. You knew, this was what you really wanted. Your dream.That was the last time you ever saw your dad again.

[spider-man-and-i]

master-list

3. American Arseholes 

"You ran into me." I said, annoyed. "Well you shouldn't stop in the middle of the hallway, apologize, twig." He says and I figure I might as well make a good first impression. I put all my things into my bag other than my book and size up the blonde standing in front of me.

"Listen you blonde fuck, you ran into me and if any one deserves an apology it's me." I said and he just laughed.

"Well, you got that English fire don't ya?" He asked ans he grabs the book I had been reading and rips out a big hunk of paper. I feel anger bubble up inside of me. It had been my mothers favorite book. I stand up and stare him dead in the eyes, even being only 5'1.

"You fucking arsehole!" I yell and I hear a few gasps at such foul language but I don't care. "I don't know who you think you are, or what you think you deserve but I am not here to kiss your arse. I am not going to baby and pamper you out of fear. You're daddy might give you everything your little princess heart can desire, but this is the real world. Even bullies have to grow up, Blondie." I say, spitting my words at him. I can feel the tension around me as I speak, the dead silence as people listen to the weird new girl challenge the bully.

"That entitlement that you hold so high over yourself, that fear you crush into everyone else, you wont get there with me  chav. Just remember, Blondie, there is always retribution and yours will come one day.. But maybe that day is approaching fast. Perhaps I hold that retribution. You asked me if I had English fire? I do not. You will come to find, chav, that my strength is in British Ice." I finished and seen that almost every mouth in the room was hanging.

Blondie turned and I thought e had decided to leave me alone that is until I felt a sandwich squish into my hair. That fucking did it. I stood up and faced the tall blonde. "You fucking Arsehole!" I yelled before slapping him straight across the face.

Holding my bag in my arms along with the torn book in my hands I pushed passed him. Ignoring the laughs that echoed behind me. I rushed to the locker room and quickly strip from my clothes and shower, hand soap being the only thing I had to wash the peanut butter and jelly from my hair. I'm dressed and heading to class by the time the bell rings.

I walk into what should have been a half full class room and if I wouldn't have walked in after the tardy bell, it would have been and if I hadn't let the door slam loudly it wouldn't have been dead silent. I looked over to the teacher with apologetic eyes. She seems annoyed.

"Ahh..You must me Genevieve Evans." She says taking in my appearance. I cringe as my hair drips water onto my jumper and I also visibly cringe when I hear my full name for the 5th time that day.

"It's just Evie." I say and she nods, repeating it, trying it out on her tongue. I didn't like how she said it with a tone of annoyance.

"Well, Evie, take a seat next to Flash Thompson." As if I knew where he sat! I looked around awkwardly until I heard someone clear his throat and look to the back of the room to find Blondie glaring at me..

"Bloody perfect." I mutter walking towards him. Soon enough I was walking back to the subway to get to the flat, hating Queens, New York.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"UUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! I bloody hate that Flash Thompson!" I screech as I enter the flat. "He's a fuckin git." I say and my sister scorns me for my use of language. Americans were odd about language.

"What happened today, love?" She asks almost dismissively. I just sigh and tell her not to worry about it as she is about to go to work. I go to my room with a huff and grab a blanket and a book before going to read on my balcony. The cool autumn air blushing my ears and nose a light shade of pink, I loose myself in the book.

A book about heroes and love.

A book about a girl who is lost and a boy who finds her and brings her back.

A book that makes me wonder....How does love find them so easily when I can't even make a friend?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Oi!" I hear a familiar voice yell as I rush to class. "Oi! Brit!" The poor accent makes me cringe as Flash tries out a new nickname for me. Ever since that first day he has made it his job to make my life here a living hell. It had gotten to the point of even calling me ugly and other horrid names.

It didn't help when the others would laugh and cheer him on. I never backed down though, I never gave in. He didn't scare me. He merely pissed me the fuck off.

I heard heavy footsteps and braced myself. Sure enough, a foot caused me to trip to the floor and bruise my already purple knees. 'Falling' had become an everyday thing for me.

"Fuck you, Flash!" I yell causing other to look at me judging me for my poor language. I simply glare at them. I looked back into his eyes and seen yet again why they called him Flash as a nickname. Even the teachers called him Flash because of it. A flash of madness, a flash of danger in his blue eyes. A flash of anger, a flash of fear. You could always see it there, just below the surface. He laughs.

"What were you going for today?" Flash asks gesturing down to my outfit. "Were you trying to look like a clown?" Laughter. I glance down at my outfit, a pink tiger print skirt with purple leggings and a leather jacket paired with a white v neck which hugged my body tightly, all with my favorite waterproof combat boots.

My hair was down and unruly, curls bouncing out every which way. I curse my naturally curly hair as Flash follows me to class.

"Nah, I just thought you'd want something more interesting to look at than these boring slobs." I says gesturing widely to the on looking girls. I enter my class without another look.

After 4 almost 5 months it had really started to effect me. How easily I was deemed chav by people who didn't even know me. I mean, nights spent crying myself to sleep and morning full of doubt. I'd had lost what little confidence I had had. My depression was starting to come back around because of it, I di-

"Ms. Evans," The teacher says, noticing I wasn't paying attention. "Can you please answer number 3 on the board?" He calls me out. I groan internally before giving him a 30 minute, overly detailed explanation of the 'religious aspects' in the Lord of the Flies by William Golding. Every time he tried to cut me off I didn't let him.

Once I was finished I just sat back and smiled, my classmates pleased with the wasted time. He didn't call on me when I wasn't paying attention again. The rest of the class was spent staring t the outside world.

Once lunch begins I walk to a nearby store I'd found I enjoyed. Mr. Delmar already had my order read, he looked at me scornfully.

"Shouldn't you be at school? "Yeah maybe if I was wanted." I say petting the owners cat, Murph. "Aww, bullies? There's nothing worse or meaner than a teenage girl." He says and I laugh. "If you can consider Flash a girl, then you are correct Mr. Delmar" I say and his eyes go wide. "A boy?" I nod. "Boy being mean to girl mean he likes you." He says and I just laugh again. "No booming way!"

I say in between bites and Mr. Delmar goes back to work as I eat, not really caring about the time. I look up when I had heard sirens on the news. I watch the telly at the corner of the room.

"Have ya heard about this guy?" Mr. Delmar asks, turning up the telly. It was a man dressed in red and blue who seemed to be going around New York stopping crimes. Acting like a hero. "He's just some civilian doing a better job at savin people and keepin Queens safe. Doin a better job at it than the police, if I do say so myself. He's a hero, like the Avengers." Mr. Delmar says and I lose my mind laughing. "What a git! He must've lost the plot!" Mr. Delmar gives me an odd look. "Come on! Fighting crimes! Saving kittens from trees! In that latex outift?? Totally mad!" I laugh. "You bet your ass! He saved me and Murph's lives last year!" Mr. Delmar says as he goes back to work. I just shake my head. I pet the purring ball of fur at my feet before venturing back to school.

ch.4