#no clue which tag is more popular so just take both

[onmebackmush]

newsies tweets pt. 2... if you even care...

part 1 part 3

[sanakiras]

BLOOM FOR ME

PAIRING — finance major!mingyu x law major!reader

WORD COUNT — 18.1k

SYNOPSIS — even though you and mingyu share the same friends, there’s a clear distance between you. when you make a drunken mistake, he suddenly becomes increasingly aware of your lack of a relationship with him, and he takes on the challenge of changing it — not expecting to fall for the ice princess who turns out to be less cold than he thought.

TAGS — college au, slice of life, strangers to fwb to lovers, angst, fem!reader, slowburn-ish, rollercoaster of somewhat unrealistic events, minor use of the fake dating trope, not proofread, explicit sexual content, inexpressive!reader, fear of intimacy, once again a fic that seemed better in my head than the finished product but idc!

♪ — pearly drops - bloom for me,, kid cudi - kitchen,, the fugees & ms lauryn hill - killing me softly with his song

NOTE — sooo this fic is pure self-indulgence because i wrote mc as a character very similar to myself! some of these scenes are based on my own experiences :D my personality type is intj which i incorporated a lot here, do with that what you will x

you and kim mingyu just don't work.

to be honest, you don’t think you’ve ever met anyone who didn’t like him or get along with him. most people on campus either wanna be him or be with him — which makes sense, ‘cause he seems to have it all. he’s smart, talented, and awfully good-looking.

and in hindsight, you have no clue as to how or why you landed in his little clique a few months ago, which is composed of a bunch of guys who appear to have very little in common.

all you remember is how joshua, a pre-med student with a soft voice and a passion for playing guitar, introduced himself to you as you were both assigned to help out with student orientation week at the start of the new academic year, and the rest became history.

you’re not sure how he managed to wiggle his way into your personal life, or why he seems so goddamn keen to be there for that matter. the same goes for his friends — chan, seungcheol, soonyoung, minghao, seokmin and mingyu. you’re closest to joshua and seokmin, though you get along well with most of the group.

soonyoung is pursuing performing arts, and he’s loud — extremely loud. you like his sense of humor though. chan does theatre and has mentioned he wants to have his own dance studio later in life. seokmin also does theatre and is arguably the biggest ray of sunshine you’ve ever met. cheol is a business administration major, a great debater, has quite the fire in him, and he looks great in a suit. minghao is more reserved — a psychology major. very sweet and polite, likes to meditate and is surprisingly good at martial arts as well.

and then there’s mingyu.

he studies finance, though he’s considerably less obnoxious than most of the students who pursue said degree. from what you’ve gathered, he has quite the range of talents, which, in all fairness, is pretty impressive.

the guy might as well be the complete opposite of you. he’s popular, loud, outgoing, smiles a lot, known to have a real heart of gold. an entertainer.

you find yourself at the other end of the spectrum. much more on the quiet side, usually only speaking up if you deem it necessary with a sarcastic quip, more often skipping social gatherings than actually attending them.

yet in spite of your closed-off nature, the majority of people closest to you are extroverted, always trying to pull you with them in their adventures, though remaining respectful and understanding when you don’t come with — because that’s just the way you are.

perhaps that’s the sole reason why your relationship with mingyu can easily be described in a single word.

non-existent.

neither of you have anything against each other — it’s just that, out of the group, you seem to have the least of a connection with him. you certainly never do anything together or talk to one another when you’re not with the rest of the guys, and even during the moments you are, saying you’ve had a proper conversation with him would be an overstatement.

for the most part, aside from saying one-worded greetings and goodbyes, you pretty much just disregard the other’s existence.

or, well — that used to be the case.

because there’s this dirty secret the friend group doesn’t know about — and that’s that you and mingyu slept together.

it happened only a few weeks ago. it was supposed to be a simple, fun night dancing and letting loose at soonyoung’s party, which he hosted right after midterms were over. everyone got drunk, including you — way more drunk than usual, it was terrible — and the only thing you remember is waking up in a room you’d never seen before, a bed that definitely didn’t feel like the one you wake up in every morning, your clothes discarded on the floor, and his warm body next to yours.

had you been even the slightest bit sober back then, you absolutely wouldn’t have gotten into bed with him.

it’s not that you don’t find him attractive. on the contrary. he’s sex on a stick, with his strong arms, small waist, sharp jawline and beautiful tan skin — it’s no surprise he’s done several modeling jobs for some extra cash.

but despite all of that, casual hook-ups with people in your circle are not your thing. they’re not his either.

neither of you remember much of that night. you two are rarely ever alone together, so it’s practically been impossible to talk to you about it, and you’ve never been close enough with one another to even text or meet up.

after the incident, you just continued living your life like everything was the same as before. honestly, for the most part, it was.

but mingyu likes to take risks in life. that, and being open about his feelings is just who he is. so he wants to talk to you, privately.

when he finally does manage to catch you alone, which happens to be right after you’ve walked out of your criminal law class, you’re not exactly welcoming to him.

“what are you doing at the other side of campus?” is all you greet him with.

“i’m good, thank you for asking.” he jokes in an attempt to make things more light-hearted, but you don’t pull a single muscle, face remaining the exact same, so he swallows and clutches the strap of his shoulder bag a little tighter. “i, uh... i felt like we should talk about what happened the other night. soonyoung’s party.”

“what’s there to talk about?”

“what we did. together.”

“we fucked. so what?”

oh. that’s a much more blunt response than he expected, even if he is used to those kind of remarks from you.

“well—” he cuts himself off, really cursing himself for not properly thinking of what to say to you before showing up outside of your lecture hall all of a sudden, “don’t you think it’s something we gotta discuss?”

“you want a professional analysis about how much i enjoyed it or something?” you ask with a furrowed brow. “not that i’d be able to give you one, considering it was all just a blur.”

“yeah, i can’t exactly remember much of it either. look, i... i don’t usually hook up with people i’m friends with—”

“except we’re not friends. i don’t think you’ve ever said as much to me as you have in this conversation.”

even though it’s true, it does feel like a slap across the face for a reason he can’t pinpoint. he’s aware you can be blunt sometimes, but this is more than people usually get out of you.

“fine. we’re just acquaintances. but we do share the same friends.” he says after a moment of awkward silence, his tone sounding a little colder than before, subconsciously trying to compensate for your unwelcoming attitude. “doesn’t that matter to you?”

sucking at the inside of your cheek, you sigh. “did your roommate notice me?”

his roommate being jeon wonwoo, the cute computer science major who likes to spend his free time working out and playing video games, always walking around campus with headphones stuck in his ears and a pair of glasses up on his nose. he and mingyu are both on the football team, you’re pretty sure.

“no. he didn’t see a thing. not as far as i know, anyway.”

“good. so that means we can both just pretend it never happened, yeah?” the smile you put on your face is so painfully fake that it makes him clench his jaw.

“yeah.” he mumbles bitterly, and you move away from him, going down the stairs, and mingyu rests his head against the wall, huffing in annoyance and embarrassment.

to be completely honest, he’s not sure why the whole ordeal bothers him so much. what you said was all true, even if you could’ve worded it differently.

many, many questions pop up in his mind. do you have something against him? do you not like him? if that’s the case, why? has he ever said something that caused you to get a bad impression of him? what do his friends have that he doesn’t, aside from considerably shorter legs?

he’s not sure what it is about you he finds so weirdly intriguing, but whatever it is, he’s discovered a fresh determination in him to find out.

mingyu is unsure of how to handle the situation with you. every time you look at him, all he sees is utter disinterest, though there’s very little he can make out of your facial expressions in the first place.

he finds himself seated at a table in the library with minghao, seungcheol and chan, pondering over the exam he’s got coming up at the end of the week, said thoughts coming to a halt once he spots you at the other side of the hall.

his gaze involuntarily follows you as you appear to be scanning a few bookshelves.

if he’s being honest, he’d already noticed you before the drunk-sex incident. he always thought you were pretty, and based on your your vocabulary and the way you spoke, he figured you were intelligent as well, so he silently admired you from afar.

and now, those feelings have only increased.

his eyes linger on your figure. it’s such a fucking shame he doesn’t remember his hands on your skin, the touch of your lips — he could actually cry just imagining it.

then he feels he’s getting too far in the sexual innuendos in his head, so he tells himself to stop right the hell now before his excitement starts to show in his pants.

god, he’s never like this. why is it irking him so much?

it’s chan — the youngest of the group — who grabs your attention, beckoning for you to come over to the table.

when you move to sit down on the empty chair between him and seungcheol, they begin to talk about how the shitty assignments they’re working on are so not worth their time, how one of cheol’s professors didn’t bother showing up for his lecture yesterday morning, and minghao mentions something about a new group project of his—

—and the whole fucking time, you feel mingyu’s gaze burning on you.

it both confuses and intrigues you. what the hell does he want now?

then when two of the boys get into a discussion, you stare right back at him, almost as if to tell him you’re aware of him watching you and you’re watching him as well, and a very thick yet silent tension rises between you.

he swears he catches the smallest glimpse of amusement in your features before you get up and tell them you’ve got to go to your lecture.

cheol raises his thick brow at his friend. “you’re uncharacteristically quiet.”

mingyu shrugs as he watches you walk out of the hall. “yeah, sorry. been a little preoccupied.”

“i can tell, ‘cause aren’t you supposed to be starting football practice right now?”

that snaps him out of it. he checks the silver watch sitting on his wrist, cursing to himself before grabbing his things and hastily throwing them into his bag before sprinting to his dorm.

the following day, as he’s working on his assignment, he decides to take out his phone, typing your username into the search bar on instagram.

your social media profile is as mysterious as you are. zero posts, some pretty aesthetic pictures found in your highlights as well as one or two with you on it, though blurry or with your face partially hidden.

it’s usually much easier for him to get close to people, yet with this, with you — it feels like the way is blocked, and he doesn’t know where to start.

tapping his finger on the table, he tells himself to make some kind of conversation with you the next time he sees you.

which is several days later, when the friend group is meeting up at a restaurant for dinner and drinks.

by the time he arrives — later than planned due to a study session running behind — everyone is already seated, including you. he’d hoped to secure a spot next to you for once, but you’re seated between joshua and seungcheol instead. the only vacant spot is at the other side of the table.

well, shit.

the worst thing is that you don’t seem to spare him a single glance. every time he looks your way, you’re either zoned out or intently listening to the boys around you as they tell their stories, with you throwing in a sarcastic little quip every now and then, making them laugh.

what he doesn’t notice is that you do look at him — he’d be surprised by the amount of times your eyes wander back to him, subtly observing him from a distance when he rambles about something his professor did during class or what went down during football practice.

he’s so handsome that it almost gets annoying to look at him.

it’s an hour before midnight when you decide to get going — you have an unnecessarily early class tomorrow and still gotta get back to your dorm. so you grab your coat and bag, announcing you’re leaving, after which they say they don’t like the idea of you going back on your own, but you refute it and tell them you’ll be fine like always.

“i can take you. i just remembered i gotta catch up with some things anyways before class tomorrow.”

mingyu’s sudden statement makes you blink at him a few times.

it’s not that he’s never offered to take you home before, ever the gentleman, but the situation always ends up with you either going home on your own with them keeping an eye on your location or one of the other guys taking you back, so his sudden eagerness to escort you to your dorm catches you by surprise.

it’s mainly joshua and minghao who catch onto your slight change in demeanor, but their puzzled looks are gone as soon as they came. they’ve had quite a few drinks, after all, and you’re pretty sure soonyoung is so drunk he’s on the verge of tears at the other side of the table, distracting them.

both you and mingyu say your goodbyes to the rest of the group before exiting the restaurant, embracing the fresh air outside.

it’s early october, your favorite time of year. you’re fond of the cloudy skies, the temperature right between warm and cold, and the leaves changing colors.

mingyu walks next to you on the sidewalk, his hands shoved into the pockets of his dark denim jacket.

“i’m sorry for being rude the other day,” you speak up, breaking the silence, “i have a habit of being too straightforward for my own good.”

oh.

he didn’t expect this from you, but it’s a pleasant surprise, even if you’re not looking him in the eye at all.

so he shrugs. “it’s okay. looking back, i didn’t really know where i wanted the conversation to go, anyways.”

“i assumed you were just gonna ask me to keep it between us.”

“i didn’t even think about that, to be honest. i just don’t do stuff like that with friends, so... i guess i was just curious about your thoughts or something.”

you bare your teeth in a bitter smile, still refraining from looking in his direction when he’s clearly looking at your face. “you called me your friend again.”

the comment doesn’t sit right with him. “do you mind me asking why that bothers you?”

“it bothers me ‘cause it’s not the truth.”

god, you certainly do not sugarcoat things.

“do you... is there anything i did to make you dislike me?”

mingyu watches the way you clench your jaw at his question. it intrigues him. “i never said i disliked you, mingyu. i’m just picky about who i consider close to me and i don’t want anyone to get the wrong impression. sharing friends doesn’t make us friends.”

“not even a little bit?”

you chuckle again. he wonders what he’d have to do to elicit a real, genuine laugh from you. “name one of my hobbies. something i like to do in my spare time. the basics don’t count.”

he eagerly starts his sentence. “well, you like to... y’know... hang out with us.”

“i said no basics.”

“okay. fine. you got me. but, to be fair, you also gotta admit you don’t exactly share much.”

“you know who i do share things with? my friends.” you tease him, after which he laughs. you like the sound of his laugh.

“you’re evil.”

“thank you.”

he turns around, walking backwards in front of you so he can face you, finally getting the eye contact he’s been waiting to get. “i wanna be friends.”

“congratulations.”

“oh, c’mon. work with me here.”

“i would if it wasn’t so much fun to see you acting like this.”

mingyu feels a certain excitement rushing through his body when he sees how you look at him. “let’s get to know each other better. how about twenty questions?”

“oh, you mean like a conversation?”

he chooses to ignore your sarcasm for now. “i’ll go first. what’s a hobby of yours?”

“such depth,” you snicker, “i like to ice skate.”

“really? that’s cool.” he smiles, tilting his head. “okay. you gotta ask me a question now.”

“which of your friends is closest to you?”

yeah, he should’ve seen something like that coming. of course you wouldn’t go for small talk.

he ponders over the question before giving his answer. “minghao.”

“hm. interesting.” you just hum, clearly having no intention of explaining it, so you gesture for him to come up with another question.

“do you think you’ll ever be close with me?”

“no.”

“why?”

“not your turn.” you tell him, simultaneously trying to find out how far you can take this. “how many girls have you slept with?”

“four. why do you think we won’t ever be close friends?”

“because we’re too different. you can’t stand the fact that i give nothing away, i can sense it a mile from here.”

“it’s not that.”

“what is it then?”

“i’m… i don’t know, a people person. i want to get along with everyone, want everyone i like to like me. maybe that’s selfish, but… yeah. i like you and i wanna be your friend. it bothers me that you don’t.” he feels the words suddenly tumbling out of his mouth are taking the conversation elsewhere, so he tries his best to not come across as too intense. “i’m sorry for pestering you about it, i’ll just... walk you to your dorm and leave you be.”

he wants to increase the distance between you, but you don’t let him. your hand moves to his upper arm, touching him, but it’s gone before he can even look at it.

physical touch has never been one of your strong points, despite craving it at the same time. “i’m gonna say it one more time and that’s it — i don’t dislike you. maybe… i don’t know, maybe we could have a strong friendship, who knows. if you wanna prove me wrong, be my guest. i won’t stop you.”

“okay. anything i should know?”

you pout your lips as you think of things to mention. “i’m not a huge fan of texting. i prefer calling or meeting up in person. i’m more of a listener than a talker. i’m also a bit of a control freak so i’m not big on surprises. that’s all you’re getting for now.”

he thinks over your words and smiles. “i can work with that.”

not much later, you arrive at the university campus, and you use your card to enter your building, walking out front.

mingyu clearly feels it’s mandatory to follow you all the way to your door.

once you’ve arrived at your dorm, you lean against the doorpost. “thanks for taking me home.”

“you’re welcome. see you tomorrow.” he says. normally he’d give his friends something like a hug when saying goodbye like this, but he has a gut feeling you’re not very fond of physical contact with people who aren’t close to you, so he lets that go for now.

“bye.” the playful smile is audible in your voice before you close your door, and mingyu leaves your building with a sickeningly nice feeling in his stomach.

and he remains on your mind, especially once you watch him walk towards his own dorm from behind the window, unaware of your gaze.

it makes you scoff to yourself. you’ll give it to him — he’s sparked your interest.

“hey. mingyu.”

he’s roughly pulled from observing you in his secure spot in the university library by jeonghan, his partner for a project he’s working on. “what?”

“what’s going on? you’re awfully distracted.”

“it’s—nothing.” he responds, voice an octave higher. maybe he should quit this habit of looking at you every time he comes here.

“has anyone ever told you you’re a shitty liar?”

“many times, actually.”

“good. ‘cause you are.”

jeonghan is shorter than he is, with more of a lanky physique and slightly longer hair. he’s also the most annoying little shit mingyu knows — despite the guy being older than him — because he somehow. knows. everything. all the time. he knows things about mingyu before he knows them himself. if anything, it’s a talent.

“so who’s the girl?” jeonghan then asks in a more hushed tone, using his pencil to point at the girl in question.

mingyu looks in your direction again, taking notice of how nice you look today, and he just gives in to his friend, not even bothering to try and act stupid. “friend of a friend.”

“what does she do?”

“law.”

“she nice?”

“to a specific group of people, yeah.”

“oh, she’s a little mean to you, huh?”

“not mean. just distant. very distant.”

“that’s new.”

“what is?”

“you going for girls like that. it’s refreshing.”

“yeah, well—she doesn’t go for guys like me.”

“what do you mean?”

“i’m pretty sure she doesn’t like me at all. she’s wildly unimpressed by my presence, anyway.”

“how do you know?”

mingyu sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “she’s very close with joshua and seokmin, likes the rest of the guys too, but me… i don’t know. we’ve been in the same friend group for a year, and it’s like i’m the only one she doesn’t feel comfortable with. bothers me.”

“you’ve known her for a whole year and it’s only bothering you now?” jeonghan senses there’s more going on. “what led up to this? got into an argument?”

the younger of the two scoffs. “not at all. the contrary, actually.”

jeonghan jokingly throws in the first thing he can think of. “what, did you accidentally kiss her when you were drunk or something?”

“not entirely. we were both drunk, for starters.” mingyu comments, the next sentence muttered much more quietly. “and we had sex.”

a scoff of surprise leaves jeonghan’s mouth. “you slept together? when?”

“soonyoung’s party.”

“that was weeks ago. haven’t you talked about it? at all?” he asks, clearly invested in the story now.

“i brought it up, she brushed it off and said it meant nothing. told her i wanted to be friends with her a couple days later, but she said she doesn’t think we’ll ever be good friends ‘cause we’re too different, and it’s fucking killing me for some reason. she still said she was… open to friendship though.”

“ah, you like her.”

“yeah, obviously. problem is that she hates me.”

“no, i mean, you like her. you don’t just want to be her friend.”

mingyu is somewhat taken aback by his words. “i don’t have a crush.”

“don’t fool yourself. you’d never get this worked up over someone not wanting to be friends with you — you’re worked up because you wanna get to know her better and she doesn’t seem like she wants to get to know you at all.”

“i can’t be in love with someone i hardly know.”

“debatable. you still have a crush on her.”

“fine. whatever. say that were the case — purely hypothetical of course — what should i do to get her attention?”

jeonghan has that knowing smile on his face, the one that makes him look like he’s up to no good. “you gotta get a little selfish.”

“could you be a little less vague for once in your life?”

“create a circumstance where she spends time with you without it being planned.” he shrugs, as if that answers it. “something like getting stuck in an elevator for a few hours. you know what i mean.”

“well, unless you were planning on hijacking the elevator somehow, i don’t think i have all that many options.”

right there and then, the two recognize another student from their statistics class sitting a few tables further. she’s giggling to her friends about something, hesitantly looking their way, pointing at them.

“speaking of crushes, she’s got one on you.” jeonghan mentions, raising his brow.

it doesn’t interest mingyu all that much. “yeah, she asked me out a while back. i told her i was busy. didn’t have the heart to flat-out reject her. in hindsight, maybe i should’ve, ‘cause she acts like that every time i see her around.”

jeonghan can’t help but take advantage of the opportunity currently presenting itself like a fucking birthday cake. “are you thinking what i’m thinking?”

“probably not, since i have no idea what you’re getting at.”

he leans a bit closer to his taller friend, speaking in a more hushed tone this time. “you could reject her — subtly.”

mingyu frowns at that. “how?”

and jeonghan smirks a little to himself before he’s about to tell him his plan. “you’ve heard of fake dating before, right?”

the following day, you find yourself in the library of the law faculty, reviewing the slides of the lecture you didn’t feel like attending this morning.

someone drops their bag ever-so-subtly on the table at the empty spot next to you, and when you look up from your notes, you recognize your dearest acquaintance.

you huff, removing one of your earbuds to engage in the conversation you didn’t ask for. “what do you want?”

“you have got to stop saying that when you see me.”

“no, i like it this way.”

“of course you do.” mingyu merely scoffs at your words, sitting down next to you. “you look busy.”

“gee. it’s almost as if i am busy.”

“what’re you working on?”

“undoubtedly nothing you have any knowledge of.”

he rolls his eyes when you grin at him, clearly ready to dodge his questions with more of your sarcastic comments.

“are you always this much on edge?”

“mhm. i hope you are too — otherwise you’re taking up too much space.”

the comment has him frowning at first, and then he gets it, making him let out a vaguely impressed scoff. “you’re cute.”

“not exactly the word i would use.”

“really?” he says, taking the cap off his water bottle, “i think it suits you.”

you squint your eyes at him, finally taking the bait. “what do you want? seriously.”

he shifts in his seat, clearly happy you’re finally going along with him here. “you know the senior gala on thursday, right?”

“yeah. i’m not attending.”

“okay. here’s the thing — i kind of have this girl in one of my classes who won’t stop bothering me about going out on a date with her and stuff.”

“gosh, poor you.”

“i’m serious. it sucks.”

“what does this have to do with you bothering me?”

“well, i figured if she finally saw me with someone else, she’d back off.” he explains, leaning a bit closer to you. “meaning i need a plus-one who’s willing to play my girlfriend for the night.”

“so?”

“so, i’d like you to be my plus-one.” he grins.

“why?”

“why not?”

“you’re saying you wanna pretend to be dating?” you ask, and when he nods, you shake your head. “no one’s gonna believe that.”

“yeah, they will. it’s perfect. same friend group, completely different majors so she probably doesn’t know you — c’mon, consider it.”

he’s surprisingly convincing, as if he already knows how to crack your demeanor. you remain stubborn, though. “out of all the girls you’ve got in your contacts, you’re asking me?”

“you’ve made it clear we’re only acquaintances — i wanna change that. become friends. just like i told you.”

you finally lock eyes with him again, taking your pen away from the paper, refusing to back down once you notice how close he is. “i don’t know what you’re expecting, but you’d get nothing out of a friendship with me.”

he keeps his eyes on yours. “i’ll be the judge of that.”

when you roll your eyes at him, he can tell you’re considering it. “when does it start?”

“ten.”

“dress code?”

“go for a cocktail dress.”

twisting your lips, you push your tongue against the inside of your cheek, and even you are a little weak for those big, brown eyes of his. and you said you’d give him a chance, after all. “fine.”

“great!” he nearly jumps in excitement. “text me when you’re ready and i’ll come and pick you up.”

“yeah, yeah. now go. i got shit to do.”

and once you’ve watched him cheerfully skip out of your sight, the tiniest smile rises to your face, after which you chuckle to yourself.

mere days later, on thursday, mingyu finds himself at your doorstep. it’s not like him to feel nervous — so why the hell is he this time?

you open the door hastily. “hey. you can come on in, i’m all ready except for the pair of earrings i can’t seem to find.”

he watches as you search through small drawers in the cupboard by the wall. maybe he should be glad you’ve got your back faced to him, because he’s subconsciously staring at you, checking you out.

the velvet red one-shoulder dress hugs your features just right, and he’s stunned in his place before you notice he still hasn’t closed the door behind him. “mingyu. the door.”

“uh—yeah. sorry.” he stumbles, stepping inside, doing as he’s told before his eyes wander around your room. “don’t you have a roommate?”

“i used to have one, in my first year. got a single room after.”

“must get quiet after a while.”

“i like it that way.”

your words remind you of his roommate, wonwoo. he figures you’re someone who prefers solitude after a day of being around others, which he keeps in mind.

once you’ve found your earrings, you’re putting them in, and you notice him stepping closer to you. he actually looks criminally good in the black suit he’s wearing, his half-long hair sitting just right. the fucker might as well be a real-life prince charming.

you’re glad you went with smokey eyes. your look compliments his.

as you subtly watch him in the mirror, he comes to stand behind you, holding out the modest bouquet of red roses he’s been holding behind his back. “these are for you. i appreciate that you wanted to come with me tonight.”

the gesture makes your eyes soften. “thank you. oh, they smell nice.”

mingyu feels a little giddy inside when you give him a little smile before putting the flowers in a vase with water. it might be the first time he’s seen you give one that is genuine.

the gala is taking place at a fancy hotel close to university. the walk there only takes a few minutes. once you're nearing the entrance to the party, dimly lit chandeliers catching your eye, he gently puts his hand on your back, just underneath your shoulder blades. you raise a brow, looking over at him, and he shrugs. “i’m your fake boyfriend for the night, remember?”

which has you chortling for a second. “that’s not where to put your hands if you wanna make this believable.”

before he can change the position of his hand, you’re already doing it for him, pushing his hand lower with yours, watching the way his face drops when you allow him to go lower than your hips, breath hitching in his throat.

“that’s better. you can hold me and kiss me on the cheek if you have to. not too much, it’s not the right time and place for it anyways.”

“noted.”

once you’ve arrived inside and given your coats away, you notice most people here are strangers to you, anxiety kicking in, internally wishing you’d consumed some alcohol before coming.

and your companion takes notice of this from the way you’re suddenly squeezing his hand, which you’re undoubtedly not doing on purpose.

“you okay?”

“sure, i’m fine.” you faintly smile back at him.

he’s honestly considering saying fuck it, ready to ask you to just get out of here with him and go anywhere else instead — that is until one of your friends comes up to you.

“am i imagining things—”

“we’re fake dating, josh.” you answer him, increasing the distance between you and mingyu as if to emphasize your point. “his idea, not mine.”

joshua appears all kinds of confused. “okay. um… just—why?”

mingyu presses his lips together. what he said about the girl bothering him was all true. could he handle it on his own? probably. is fake dating slightly unnecessary and a little dramatic of a solution? undoubtedly.

but he just wanted you as his plus-one so bad. he saw it as an opportunity he couldn’t miss out on.

what can he say? jeonghan is weirdly persuasive.

“there’s this classmate of mine who won’t get off my back about dating, so i figured she’d quit if i showed up with a girlfriend. girlfriend being her.”

in spite of the explanation, joshua still looks at the two of you with a frown. “right.”

“i’m gonna go get us a drink. be right back.” mingyu says, almost regretting doing so when he realizes he has to take his hand off your back.

you watch him walk off to the bar, suddenly hearing your best friend chuckle softly next to you. “can’t believe i never considered you two before.”

“what are you talking about?”

“you and him. you’d be a nice match.”

“what, me and mingyu? we’d be a disaster.”

“why?”

“we’re too different, josh. and don’t even try to give me that opposites attract crap.”

his soft facial features melt into a smile that gives off the impression he knows something you don’t. “i think you’d be surprised. that’s all.”

whatever the fuck that means.

your fake boyfriend returns not much later with a drink for the two of you. despite your clear disagreement with joshua’s words, you just can’t help but think about what he said, especially when mingyu’s arm remains looped around your waist for quite a while as the three of you discuss the whereabouts of your friends.

the worst thing is that you don’t even mind him touching you. you’ve always been picky when it comes to the people who are allowed to as much as stand close to you, and mingyu was not one of those people until you grabbed his wrist after he took you home from dinner, which was only last week.

and that’s not the only thing you’re becoming increasingly aware of.

mingyu’s popularity is a bigger thing than you thought. either that, or half the people here are from his faculty. which is highly unlikely.

being as observant as you are, you’ve noticed several girls as well as guys pointing your way, making you feel uneasy.

so your hold on him tightens as you stare back at them, as if to silently tell them to fuck off and focus on someone other than your fake boyfriend.

you’re not actually jealous. no, that’d be ridiculous. you can’t be jealous of others wanting something you don’t even have in the first place.

chan and seokmin arrive half an hour later, having pretty much the same reaction to the situation as shua. but they play along.

though not without noticing how comfortable the two of you are together.

after several hours of drinking, dancing and socializing, you feel in need of a break. “hey, i’m just gonna get some fresh air outside, okay?”

mingyu’s lashes flutter as he nods. “would you mind if i came with?”

you gesture that you’re okay with it, so he takes your hand to guide you through the mass of people without losing you, the littlest of touches sparking an indescribable feeling in your stomach.

the air feels much colder now that you’ve been inside the warm hotel for several hours. you sigh, leaning back against the brick wall behind you, the surface feeling slightly uncomfortable on your one uncovered shoulderblade.

mingyu takes fake dating very seriously, as it seems. he’s practically been unable to keep his hands off you, and you’re going to indulge in it for however long it lasts.

as you’re standing outside together, you notice he’s loosened up more around you, not hesitant to get close either. he’s certainly not afraid to put his hand on your thigh, and you make zero effort to push him away.

his lips ghost by the skin of your neck, alcohol clouding his thoughts. “it’s nice to have you here. i wasn’t all that excited about going at first.”

“yeah, yeah. i made your night ten times better.”

he snickers. “you hear that often?”

“every now and then. don’t sound so surprised.”

“it doesn’t surprise me. i was just hoping i was special compared to the others.”

“doesn’t everyone?”

“you’re a little cryptic, anyone ever told you that?”

“maybe.” you respond, chuckling, allowing his lips to touch your bare skin.

mingyu bites his lower lip, not afraid to look you in the eye to match your playful gaze with a similar one. “do you not remember a single thing from the night of soonyoung’s party?”

he almost smacks himself for asking the question, seeing your expression falter a little. “no. neither do you, as you’ve told me.”

“no, i don’t,” he says firmly, mentally trying to slap himself for consuming so much alcohol that it makes him say things he usually wouldn’t, “but i kinda wish i did.”

“why?”

when he remains quiet, still trying to figure out the best way to respond, you gently take a hold of his chin to lift it up, making sure he keeps his eyes on yours. playing with him is fun.

“i...” he tries to utter the words, but god, he might as well be hypnotized.

before he can give his answer, seokmin loudly stumbles out of the building, catching your attention. he’s clearly had a bit too much to drink, his boisterous laughter echoing through the courtyard. seungcheol follows closely behind, a hand on his shoulder.

whatever moment you and mingyu were having is gone in an instant. cheol spots you, keeping his friend somewhat upright in the process.

“i’m gonna go take him home, couldn’t find the other guys. i think soonyoung might be next, though.” he says, doing his best to keep seokmin upright in the process.

so mingyu nods. “okay. i’ll go check.”

they say their goodbyes, after which he proceeds to looks at you again. you let your head rest against the wall again. “you go ahead. i’ll meet you back inside in a few.”

he silently agrees, returning to the people inside. you appreciate the silence, mentally drowning out the sound of people talking and cars driving into the background.

it’s then that some girl you’ve never seen before walks up to you. “hey. you’re mingyu’s new girlfriend, right?”

the crease between your brows becomes apparent. “have we met?”

“no, no. i’m in the same faculty as him. i was just curious. didn’t know he was dating anyone.”

she’s clearly had a bit to drink, though not enough for her speech to be incoherent. you’re not sure what to give her other than an awkward smile that looks anything but genuine.

but either she’s too far gone to catch the hint or she simply doesn’t want to. “was kinda surprised to see him end up with a girl like you.”

and since she’s probably not gonna remember this conversation tomorrow, you decide to engage in it for once. “what’s that supposed to mean?”

“i don’t know, ‘s just... you seem a little distant. just different. he’s never really gone for someone like you. no offense or anything.”

you keep your composure despite a certain emotion brewing hot inside you, whatever the hell it may be. the sheer audacity of some people to stick their nose in business that’s not their own. “gee. hard to fathom i landed a guy like that, huh?”

the sarcasm dripping from your tongue finally seems to get it through to her that her opinion is anything but wanted, so she mumbles something about going back inside, after which you lean back against the wall, closing your eyes for a moment.

worst thing is that she’s probably right.

you and mingyu just don’t work.

and you don’t even have feelings for the guy, so why does it bother you?

the whole thing upsets you enough for you to go back inside, rushing to find him to tell him that you don’t feel like staying.

when you return to him, he’s so used to his role that his hand finds your waist and his lips touch your cheek, but you smoothly back away this time. “i’m gonna go back to my dorm. you guys have fun.”

even over the noisy music and chatter in the background, he notices the change in your tone and behavior, which gives him the hint that something has upset you. “why? is everything okay?”

“i’m fine.”

“i’ll take you back.”

“i’d appreciate it if you didn’t.” you tell him, sounding harsher than intended. again. god, you keep messing up. you sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose for a moment. “i’m sorry.”

mingyu is still processing your words as you’re leaving him behind.

then when you’re walking towards the exit, a girl accidentally bumps into you, spilling her drink over your dress.

goddamn. you wonder what the fuck you did to the universe for it to give you a night as shitty as this.

she begins to profusely apologize, very obviously sincere, but you just curtly tell her it’s fine, annoyance rising.

mingyu notices the situation from afar, deciding to go after you when he sees you walk to the bathroom instead of the exit.

the bathroom is awfully fancy, but it seems only fair for a hotel like this. clenching your jaw, you grumble while getting some paper towels, hiking the dress just a bit upwards.

god, you’re never agreeing to do that fake dating shit ever again. what a joke.

you huff as you keep trying to get the now barely visible stain out of your dress. you’re rubbing over the fabric on your thigh when someone walks in.

of course it’s him.

“any luck getting it out?” he asks, and you clench your jaw, throwing the wet paper towels into the trashcan beside the sink. your hands hold onto the cold surface, knuckles growing white as you focus on them instead of him.

“why am i here?”

“what do you mean?”

you turn your gaze to him, abandoning your quest of getting the stain out of your dress, annoyed that he’s acting like he doesn’t know what you’re talking about. “why did you invite me here? out of everyone you could’ve gone with, why did you wanna go with me?”

“are you angry at me?”

“answer the question.”

“i just…” he trails off, trying to think of the right words. “i just figured it was a way to become friends.”

you’re actually going to lose your shit if he as much as utters the word ‘friend’ to you one more time. “oh, jesus. cut the bullshit. why do you wanna be friends with me so badly?”

“i don’t know, because… because it occurred to me — y’know, after the party, after what we did — that we have little to no relationship and i wanted to change that.”

“oh, right. you just had to sleep with me before thinking of that.”

“no, i didn’t. i just haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since that night, and i—”

what the hell is he even supposed to say? he’s not even sure what exactly it is he wants from you. sure, he wants to be friends — but god, he spends so much time wishing he remembered what it was like to touch you that night, what you looked like underneath your pretty little dress, what you sounded like.

you’re quiet for a second before your whole demeanor changes, agitation shifting to intrigue. “so that’s what this is about.”

“well—what?”

“if you wanted to fuck, you should’ve just said that. instead of dragging me to this shit.”

“i—” he suddenly feels suffocated by the small size of the room and your body getting closer to his, backing him up against the door. “that’s not why i—”

“does it matter?” you ask, and he tries to hide his ragged breathing now that you’ve pressed your front against him, clenching his jaw.

it doesn’t help that you’re watching him like a hawk.

“not to repeat myself all the time, but i—i normally don’t do this with friends. i don’t want you to have the wrong idea of me.” he exclaims, cursing himself for looking down at the way your red dress is accentuating your curves so well.

so you begin to unbutton his shirt, and he breathes heavily because of it. “well, i guess you’re in luck. ‘cause we’re not friends.”

he’s about to tell you that he genuinely wants to be when you finally kiss him. it’s fast and intense and hungry.

whatever he expected, it wasn’t this — but he can’t find it in him to not give in.

his hand moves to the back of your head, pulling you closer, then proceeding to help you with unbuttoning his shirt, all without breaking the kiss.

mingyu shivers when your cold hands finally touch his bare chest, the faintest hint of your sharp nails nearly making him beg for you to dig them into his skin until he bleeds.

there’s a shift in control when his feet no longer feel locked in with the tiled floor, his hands trailing up your legs, fingers gripping the skin of your thighs. he lifts you up, allowing you to wrap your legs around his waist, only to have him pushing you up against the door, pressing his body against yours.

you’re rubbing your front against him, taking notice of the hard bulge in his pants, nearly crying out from his sheer size.

holy shit. no wonder you were sore after you slept with him — he’s fucking huge.

“gyu,” you break the kiss, “can i suck you off?”

the way you breathily call him by his nickname for the first time is nearly enough for him to bust in his pants. “wanna taste you instead. please?”

with your back resting against the surface behind you, you watch him as he sinks to his knees, kissing the inside of your legs, goosebumps erupting on your skin.

“are you sure?”

“yeah. please let me.”

“okay. just make it quick.”

in hindsight, maybe that wasn’t the best thing to say.

because he’s diving in faster than you can comprehend, lace panties pulled down in less than a second, making you gasp in surprise. your fingers grab onto a few strands of his hair, accidentally tugging on them, only to have him moaning in response, which is most likely the best thing you’ve ever heard.

your teeth sink into your lower lip as a way to suppress your moans, only deeps hums and groans escaping you, much to mingyu’s annoyance, because he wants to hear you.

his fingers slide into your dripping wetness, your muscles tightening up from the sudden intrusion. he looks up at you while kissing the inside of your leg, a sight that’s so fucking hot that you have to tell yourself not to get lost in it.

another surge of adrenaline rushes through you when he spreads your legs even wider, causing you to let out a broken moan, much to his satisfaction.

“you can pull on my hair. i like that.” he breathes out with a genuine smile and lust-blown eyes, refusing to wait for your reaction and getting right back to what he was doing.

it doesn’t take him long before he’s got you squirming above him. tugging his hair really does get him going, but you’re nearly at your limit, feeling the familiar feeling building up in your lower belly.

“gyu—fuck, ‘s too much, too much—” you try to push his wrist away and make him look up at you again.

you swear you might lose it when you see he’s actually pouting over the fact that you’re pulling him away from something he clearly enjoys doing.

“but, baby, i wanna make you cum.”

the pet name turns you on even more. “you can. i just want you inside of me, right now.”

he’s rising to his feet, towering over you with his tall frame as you push him back against the door, kissing his jaw, neck and collarbone while undoing the buttons of his white shirt.

mingyu is surprisingly vocal, which you thoroughly enjoy. his lips find yours again, relishing in the remaining taste of you on his tongue.

“god—want me to fuck you?”

pulling your dress over your head, you’re left in your matching set of lingerie that you just so conveniently put on tonight. “are you seriously asking me that right now?”

“fine. bend over the sink, then.”

the difference in his tone and words makes you shiver with excitement. once you do as he says, a new shot of adrenaline courses through your body — because you completely forgot about the mirror that’s now right in front of you.

so you’re able to watch him push his pants down, positioning himself behind you. his big hands are warm on your skin, the silver ring on his finger making you shiver.

his shirt is half unbuttoned, his hair a mess, trousers down to his ankles — but none of that matters now that he’s got you bent over in front of him, fingers trembling in excitement as he takes the condom from his pocket to slip it on.

all he can do is hiss and groan when he feels your heat wrap around him so nicely as he pushes into you. “you’re so tight, jesus—”

you huff. “not my fault you’re so big.”

it makes him laugh and simultaneously turns him on. “you’re all bite, even when i’m trying to fuck you.”

“don’t act like you don’t like it.”

he then finally bottoms out, both of you moaning, and he chuckles. “never said i didn’t.”

god, he’s so fucking attractive. he bites his lower lip as he throws his head back, his strokes slow but hard.

his girth feels so good inside you — and his touches are electric on your skin. his hands go from your ass to your hips, your stomach, everywhere.

and he’s certainly not afraid to get loud. especially when he feels you’re pushing your hips back against his. he’s convinced this is what heaven feels like.

“gyu, a little harder, please.” you plead, slightly beginning to struggle with holding yourself up by the edge of the sink.

“how hard d’you want it?”

“as hard as you want. i can take it.”

he gestures for you to turn over, lifting you up and pushing you up against the wall, burying himself inside you again before you can even comprehend it.

his fingers feel almost painful on your thighs with the way he’s digging into your skin. he’s sucking and biting right above your collarbone, leaving some pretty marks that will definitely be visible tomorrow.

you push his jaw upward so you can kiss him, and he sighs into it, tilting his head to get better access.

it’s like he’s trying to match his thrusts with your heartbeat at this point. pressure builds in your stomach when you whine his name. “oh my god—gyu—”

“i love it when you call me that,” he breathes out, so into it that he’s confessing everything on his mind, “you don’t know how much i’ve thought about this — been fantasizing about this for ages.”

you hold onto his shoulder blades, nails digging into them. “then you better make it worth my while.”

“such a brat.” he teases, a moan slipping out right after when you use your legs wrapped around his waist to push him deeper into you.

mingyu’s stamina is admirable — but he’s a simple man. you’re so hot and you just feel so good around him, and he knows he’s getting close to his release already.

you notice his pace becoming slightly uneven, his breaths erratic, a layer of cold sweat forming on his back.

he’s doing his best to hold out for you, to make you hit your peak first, but you actually need to see him come undone first.

“are you gonna cum, gyu?”

you have to refrain from biting your lip when he’s stuttering out a response. “n—no, not yet—”

“i want you to.”

“jesus, don’t say that—”

oh, he’s cute. he’s responding so well to your words, so you indulge in it a little bit more.

“wanna fuck me again later? without a condom? you can cum inside me. i’ll let you do anything you want.” you tease — your words being the complete truth, because if he’d want to fuck you again, you’d sure as shit let him.

his brows scrunch upwards while he lets out another whine. “anything?”

“mhm,” you nod, “anything.”

his fantasies about you, the way you’re looking at him, the things you’re saying, the way you suddenly clench around him — it’s all too much. his release spills into the condom, his muscles flexing from the sudden rush of adrenaline shooting through him.

it’s enough to make your legs tremble, and you reach the climax you’ve been aching for.

he’s still coming down from his high, face buried in the crook of your neck when he hears you chuckle. “so much for being friends, huh?”

he then smiles as well. “are we close enough for you to consider me as your friend now?”

“you’re quite literally inside me.”

“knowing you, that doesn’t really have to change anything.”

“oh, is that so?” you retort at his cheekiness. “sure. you’ve made it to friend level 1. congrats.”

“great. level 2 is next, then.”

“god, forget i said anything.”

“no going back now. you’re stuck with me.”

something’s very clearly changed between you since that night. mingyu has, in a certain way, changed your relationship.

because you’ve successfully upgraded from strangers to fuck buddies.

and truth be told, he wants to rip his fucking hair out.

the sex is great. there’s something thrilling and exciting about your secret relationship, both of you skipping lectures and sneaking away after classes with no one around you having a single clue.

and yet he’s come to the conclusion that this isn’t what he wants.

he wants you. all of you, completely. but every time he tries to get even remotely close to you, you somehow manage to dodge it and change the topic.

it bothers him. but he’s scared to just put all his feelings on a platter — because he doesn’t want to lose whatever he has with you.

something he’s also discovered is how utterly weak he is for even the slightest bit of your attention, the smallest of touches.

so when he’s typing away at his laptop in the study hall, noticing the screen of his phone light up as a message from you comes in, he can’t bring himself to ignore it.

20:23: you look cute when you’re focused

the message makes him frown, and he looks around, trying to figure out where you are, since you’ve clearly got your eyes on him.

so he texts back.

20:24: i always look cute ;)

tapping his fingers on the table, he waits for your response. the three buttons that indicate you’re typing suddenly go away, and he pouts, only to then be greeted by your voice close to his ear. “bit of an exaggeration, don’t you think?”

“fuckin’—” it almost makes him jump and screech out of shock. “christ, don’t sneak up on me like that.”

you chuckle at his high-pitched reaction. “bad conscience?”

“no. you’re just scary.”

“thank you.” you grin with pride, moving to sit on the table, right beside his laptop. “you busy?”

“just going over some older lecture notes to prep for an exam.”

“wanna come over to my dorm?”

“fourth time this week. what’s gotten into you? well, aside from me, obviously.”

“hilarious. really.” you remark, watching him laugh at his own joke, unable to help the smile rising to your cheeks. “what can i say? it’s a great stress reliever.”

“i know. give me a sec and i’ll pack my things.”

as he closes up his laptop and textbooks, you look around the other tables — which are mostly empty, except for the one by the window, which is where you notice a girl shooting you a bit of a weird look once you make eye contact with her.

“mingyu.”

“hm?”

“the chick by the window with the shitty earrings. you know her?”

he subtly looks into the direction of said window, recognizing the girl from his advanced statistics class. “yeah, i have a class with her. can’t really remember her name though. why?”

“she likes you.”

“oh.” he just shrugs, continuing to zip up his bag, standing up from his seat. “i didn’t notice.”

“sure.” you chuckle sarcastically.

that makes him raise a brow. he feigns shock, causing you to look at him.

“what?”

“you’re jealous.”

“excuse me?” you monotonously ask, brows furrowing in disdain.

“it’s actually kinda hot.”

“oh, please. i have nothing to be jealous of.”

“and yet you are.”

“either you shut your ass up or i’ll find someone else to relieve my stress, kim.”

he laughs and you roll your eyes. then he slings his bag over his shoulder, his hands in his pockets as he follows you out of the study hall.

as soon as you’ve entered your dorm room, he’s got you pressed against the wall, nipping at your skin. he makes you feel sickeningly good, putting your former boyfriends to shame — you’re certainly not complaining.

once he’s done with you and you’re completely worn out, you lay with your head on his chest, his fingers softly stroking your naked back.

you seem more on edge than usual today. less playful. tired, even. his voice sounds hesitant when he speaks up. “is everything okay? you look stressed.”

“i’m fine.”

he figures you either don’t want to open up or you simply don’t feel comfortable doing so with him, so he chooses not to pry, opting to let you know he’s there for you. “okay. well, if you need anything, someone to talk to, you can always come to me.”

you frown a little. refusing to act impulsively, you swallow your words, not saying a thing.

mingyu takes your silence as his cue to leave you be. a feeling of unease creeps into his body, and the room suddenly feels smaller than before.

so he gently moves away from you, sitting up to put his clothes back on. “i should probably go. wonwoo will be pissed off if i don’t have the kitchen cleaned up once he gets back.”

he’s buttoning his jeans when you speak up behind him, admitting your reasons for feeling more stressed than usual. “i’ve got two exams next week. they’re extremely important, i have to pass them, i just… i can’t focus for some reason.”

when he turns around, you’re not facing him. he leans against the tabletop, looking at you. “anything in particular that’s bothering you?”

“i don’t know. it’s just…” you shrug your shoulders a little, unsure of how to explain it, “i guess i haven’t been feeling great in my own skin lately, even though i don’t actually have a reason for it.”

“maybe i can help you study. could work as a nice motivator.”

“gyu—” you chuckle a little to reject him politely, but he sees it coming at this point, persisting.

“why don’t we just try it? if you don’t feel like doing it again, then, fine. we can always just restrict our activities to solely physical stuff again.”

“do you even have the time to help me?”

he’s smiling, able to tell you’re thinking about it. “are you kidding? i can do anything.”

“always so humble.”

“yeah, that’s why you like me so much.” he laughs. “that’s why i’m your friend.”

“whatever makes you sleep at night.”

mingyu wasn’t kidding when he said he wanted to help you, nor when he mentioned he wanted you two to be closer.

he’s putting in effort to make you like him, that’s for sure. buying you coffees and snacks, offering to study with you whenever you mention difficult topics you have to cram for exams — he’s certainly establishing his presence in your daily life.

and you hate how easily you get used to it.

for whatever reason, you haven’t had sex since that day either. you’re pretty sure he wants to prove that he likes you for you and not just your body.

which is sweet. but you also have needs, and they’re worse now, knowing he can fulfill them extremely well, as he’s proved many times at this point.

so you text him to ask if he wants to come over later.

as he’s seated at a picnic table on the campus square, he notices your text, grabbing his phone to respond to you.

“your girlfriend texting you again?”

mingyu looks up at joshua, who’s sitting across from him with a pen in hand. he shakes his head. “not my girlfriend.”

“she might as well be.”

“she doesn’t like me enough to be.”

shua wouldn’t call himself nosy, but he’s determined to get a better idea of what exactly is going on between you. “what’s up with you and her?”

“it’s complicated.” his friend responds, eyes narrowing from the rays of sunlight. “i’m not even sure, honestly.”

joshua has this ability to pry people’s hearts open and let their feelings pour out without breaking a sweat — how easily he does it should be studied.

“are you friends with benefits or something? situationship?”

ironically, those words are the complete opposite of what you and him are. mingyu huffs out of frustration, voicing his thoughts. “she doesn’t like it when i call her my friend, she appears to have an exceedingly low daily quota of emotions, i’m busting my ass off to get my own assignments done and spend as much time with her as i can and i’m pretty sure she doesn’t even like me. at all. worst part being that i like her, shua. i like her.”

“have you told her you like her?”

“sort of. in a friendly way. she just glared at me.”

joshua finds mingyu’s inner torment a little amusing, but he feels for him. “maybe she’ll warm up to you. give it a while, she’s a tough nut to crack.”

“is she open with you?”

“sort of. i don’t think there’s a single soul out there she’s completely open with.” he sucks on the inside of his cheek for a second. “she has mentioned in the past that she’s actually very sensitive but just doesn’t, like, really express it. and you gotta keep in mind that people show love and affection differently. give it time.”

mingyu takes a breath as he thinks over the words.

give it time.

which he does. he notices you’re gradually getting closer to him over the course of time, still not showing too much — but it feels different. you choose to sit with him more often than not when you meet up with the other guys, you’re spending a lot of time with him, and you’re showing initiative to make time for him. every time he lands in your bed, it feels more intimate than ever.

you’re starting to make him feel like he matters to you. his crush on you is getting out of hand to the point he needs to stop himself from gazing at you every time you look him in the eye.

just like right now. you’re smiling at him over something he can’t remember — it’s a genuine smile, he cherishes those every time you flash him one as they’re rare — and you just look so pretty.

a text message from one of the guys on the football team pulls him out of it. which sparks an idea in him.

“hey, i have a football game coming up this saturday. do you wanna come? you could finally see me in action.” he asks. when he notices the puzzled look on your face, he tilts his head. “oh, come on. friendship works both ways, you know that, right? team effort and all that jazz.”

his wording makes you chuckle. “fine. i’ll be there.”

“you won’t regret it. our team is great.”

“really? then you better prove it. can’t be cheering for the losing team.”

with a raised brow, he points at you. “wanna bet?”

“what do you have in mind?”

he considers his options for a moment. “if my team wins, i get to choose what we do in bed next time. as long as you’re into it too, obviously. if the opposite team wins, you get to choose.”

now that’s an offer you’re certainly not gonna reject. taking on the challenge, you nod. “alright. deal.”

he shakes your hand ever so professionally, gathering his books since he needs to get to class. “oh, and, just so you know — my team’s won regional championships for the past two years in a row. i’m just saying.”

you tilt your head. he winks at you before walking away from the table, and you smile to yourself.

damn that asshole for making you like him this much.

saturday arrives, and you find yourself walking by the green football fields, surprised by the amount of people who showed up.

mingyu mentioned he was heading here earlier so you just told him you’d be there, sitting with the crowd.

it seems like it’s going to be a cold-weather match today. it’s already dark out, and the rain just started coming down from the sky. you’re glad the bleachers come with shade canopies so at least you won’t be soaked by the time the game is over.

your eyes are fixed on mingyu’s back as he stands by the sidelines with the rest of his team, enthusiastically discussing what’s most likely gonna be their strategy for the game.

then he turns around, still very engaged in the conversation, the wet strands of his hair framing his facial features. gosh, he’s incredibly handsome.

before running out onto the field, he looks back at the bleachers, scanning the masses before his eyes lock with yours.

he ever so dramatically makes a little heart with his fingers, teasingly motioning it towards you, and you put your middle finger up, making him laugh.

mingyu’s a real sweetheart, you have to admit. he’s growing on you.

watching the game is more fun than you anticipated. despite not being into football all that much, it’s great to watch the boys work together as well as they do.

you’re certainly not complaining when mingyu throws his vest on the bench halfway through the match, leaving him in a black compression shirt, emphasizing his strong figure.

shit. maybe you should watch him play more often.

it’s his team that seems to be on the winning side tonight — until the opposing team scores ten minutes before the end. both teams have the same score now, which is bad. ending with a draw would suck.

you’re now completely sucked into the game like the rest of the audience, desperate for mingyu’s team to score another goal.

the universe must be on their side today, because they do. three minutes left on the clock and none other than jeon wonwoo himself is able to kick the ball into the net, escaping the hands of the keeper.

it’s all yells of happiness on the field.

the referee blows his whistle to call the end of the game. everyone at your side of the bleachers stands up from their seats, yourself included, to cheer and clap for the boys, happy that they won the game.

you watch them congratulate eachother, some of their friends walking onto the field to do the same.

following the masses, you also leave your seat in the bleachers, walking down the stairs.

mingyu notices you coming his way and runs over to you, surprising you by lifting you up, giving you arguably the best hug you’ve ever had in your whole damn life. he holds onto you so tightly, his big arms and tall frame caging you in — in the best way possible.

when he gently puts you back down, his one hand briefly finds your cheek, which catches you off guard, but you don’t shy away from it.

he’s so tempted to just say fuck it and kiss you right now. you look so pretty, and your eyes — your eyes. he could stare into them forever and love every second of it.

but there’s too much at stake to get impulsive. “thanks for coming.”

“you’re welcome.” you blankly respond, making him smile a little.

“how did i do? good enough for your standards?”

you shrug at him, taking a brief look at his teammates celebrating in the distance behind him. “i was mostly focused on wonwoo, actually, but you were doing a good job too.”

he rolls his eyes before making a sarcastic comment. “you’re hilarious.”

“something i’m very aware of.”

he fake smiles at you, and you reciprocate the gesture, patting him on the shoulder.

“wanna go catch a drink with me?”

“don’t you wanna celebrate with the rest of the team?”

“not tonight.” he shakes his head. “i just gotta go get my bag. come with me?”

he intertwines his fingers with yours and you hardly notice it. which is bizarre if you consider how you had no relationship with him to begin with several months ago. “okay, yeah.”

you head to the men’s locker room with him, which is dark and empty. all the other guys are still out on the field, as you noticed when you were walking over here.

“the lights haven’t been working since yesterday, so watch your step.” mingyu tells you. the rays of moonlight coming through the high windows are enough to at least light up the room enough for you to see where you’re going.

you suddenly get an idea. “do you think the guys are gonna be out there for long?”

“they usually do. ten minutes, give or take.” he answers absentmindedly while taking his black duffel bag out of the locker with his name on it.

once he turns around, you push him back against the locker, taking him by the surprise, your finger pulling at the elastic waistband of his pants and boxers.

“i give credit where it’s due, you know.”

oh. oh. he only then understands what you’re getting at.

you always manage to make him a little nervous somehow — he lives for it. “in public? here? we could go back to your—oh, shit—”

you make him stutter the moment your hand moves underneath his clothes to take a hold of his dick. “but you’re already hard, gyu.”

christ. you’ve got some nerve, putting up that soft and sweet voice as if you’re not fucking responsible for getting him hard in the first place.

he doesn’t protest when you sink to your knees in front of him, pulling his boxers down his thick thighs, his cock springing free.

you grin a little to yourself before taking him in your mouth. he’s so hot like this, all hard and panting and begging.

“h—holy shit, that feels good.” he gasps, the warm sensation of your mouth making him go dizzy.

his hand moves to the back of your head. you take him as much as you can, using your hands for the part you can’t take. he slowly becomes a mess, his head resting against the locker.

you look up at him when he’s shamelessly moaning at the feeling of your tongue swirling around him, his hands subconsciously pushing your head just a little bit forward, making you take just that little bit more of his cock.

arousal begins to pool between your legs, and you suddenly curse yourself for choosing to wear jeans instead of a skirt tonight.

“fuck, fuck, baby—”

you release him with a pop, a mix of spit and his arousal coating your lips. “wanna taste everything. can’t make a mess here.”

it’s such a shame he’s still wearing his clothes. his stomach caves in so nicely whenever you’re sucking him off — like he can’t catch his breath. it’s the best thing you’ve ever seen.

his legs are trembling, and he’s embarrasingly close to his release already. “you don’t—ah—have to do this here if you don’t want to—”

“‘m not leaving ‘til you cum down my throat, gyu. you can do that, though, right?”

he nods, his adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows, his voice all soft and submissive. he can’t help it. “yeah, yeah, i’ll do whatever you want, baby.”

“good boy.” you tell him, entirely unaware of the effect it has on him.

the moment you hollow your cheeks, it’s over for him. the salty taste of his release sits in your mouth before you swallow it, and his chest heaves while he pulls himself together.

both your eyes widen when you suddenly hear the voices outside getting closer, and mingyu knows it’s time to get the fuck out of here. he quickly pulls his pants back up, his bag in his one hand and your hand in the other as he drags you with him to take the back exit before anyone can notice either of you.

you both take a breather outside as you lean against the wall of the building before you burst into laughter together. he feels on top of fucking cloud nine, if he’s being truthful.

“you’re insane.” he laughs, looking to the side to find you laughing and blushing at the same time. “you’re blushing? after doing that? wow. who are you and what have you done with my friend?”

“you’re getting special treatment, you know. i don’t suck off my other friends.” you tease, shrugging your shoulders.

maybe he should consider pursuing a theatre career with the way he dramatically puts his hand over his heart. “does this mean i made it to friend level 2?”

“you did. now you’ve been downgraded back to level 1, though. what’re you gonna do about it?”

he plays along with you. “well, shit. can’t have that. we can go get a burger with fries at that place near campus. my treat?”

“sounds good.” the words have left your mouth and that big smile is right on his face again. you playfully push his shoulder, cheeks hurting from the smile on yours.

he’s getting closer to you than you anticipated, and that’s not a good thing, but for now, you tell yourself it’ll be fine. how much closer could he possibly get?

another month passes by when, for the first time in a while, mingyu doesn’t drop by your dorm. he doesn’t text, doesn’t call — and you find yourself worried about him.

it’s been nothing but complete radio silence from his end, which isn’t a good sign.

you’ve already left him several voicemails when chan lets you know he’s been having a terrible fever for the past two days. it leaves you with the urge to go and check up on him, so once you’ve had all your classes for the day, you find yourself knocking on his door.

it takes a moment for him to answer it, wonwoo seemingly not present in the dorm.

when mingyu opens the door, surprise is painted across his face, the heavy bags under his eyes making him seem awfully tired. shit, you hope you didn’t wake him. he’s wearing a plain white shirt with thin black pyjama pants, his hair an utter mess.

the surprise on his face is gone once you open your mouth. “you look like shit.”

he snorts at your words. “would you say that to me if i were on my deathbed, too?”

“absolutely.”

he smiles at your attitude, finding it strangely refreshing. “wanna come in? i promise i’ll stay at a distance so you won’t get it.”

you didn’t think he was going to invite you in, but you accept the offer nonetheless. “i was wondering why you didn’t call. then chan told me you were sick.”

he shuts the door behind you. “yeah, i’ve been sleeping, mostly. watched some netflix too but it quickly gives headaches. i’m sorry for not letting you know — didn’t think you were worried.”

you pause for a moment. “well. you thought wrong. friends worry, don’t they?”

the words make him smile. he didn’t think you cared all that much about him for some reason — this changes that. “fair. what’s in the bowl?”

he’s referring to the black bowl covered in foil you have clutched between your arms. you shrug. “soup. i don’t know if you already had some, but it worked wonders for me when i was sick a while back, so… yeah. i figured you could use it.”

his face lights up when he realizes you went out your way to make this for him. with gratitude, he accepts the bowl. “thank you, i appreciate it. looks really good. you can sit by my desk if you want to, by the way.”

as he’s walking across the room, you notice the mishap in his steps, like he’s about to lose his balance. “are you okay?”

“yeah, ‘s just—i’m a little dizzy.”

your hands find his shoulders — a touch that feels heavy compared to the usual skin-to-skin contact you share with him — to put him down on his bed. “don’t force it. if you’re about to faint, you might as well be lying down.”

his lids hang low, eyes nearly closed when you pull the covers over his body. you touch his cheeks and forehead with the back of your hand to get an indication of his temperature.

as soon as you’re about to tell him he probably has a light fever, it seems he’s already half asleep. you pull the covers up to his chest to ensure he’s comfortable.

you gaze at him for a moment as he snores softly, biting your lip as you curse yourself for giving him a treatment he doesn’t deserve.

maybe mingyu likes to think he doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve, but that’s far from the truth. even you have noticed he’s been looking at you a certain way recently, and that’s saying something.

one look at him and you’re already feeling like a big softie. it’s ridiculous.

you’re scared of what you feel for him, but as long as you can keep your relationship like this, it’ll be fine.

now that he’s asleep, you wander around his room. you know wonwoo must be at football practice, since mingyu is normally there with him at this time of the week.

you usually take him to your dorm, so you’re not in his all that often. your eyes rake across the framed pictures of his friends, family, loved ones, memories he’s made.

they stop, though, when recognizing yourself in one of the pictures. he promised you he’d frame one up as a way of ‘solidifying your friendship’ as he so politely put it.

still, you didn’t think he’d actually do it.

smiling to yourself, you proceed to notice his laptop screen is still on. he must’ve been working on something when you knocked on his door.

out of curiosity, you check the screen, figuring he was working on the essay he’s been postponing for two weeks because he had difficulty getting started.

you take a look at the assignment and decide you’re gonna try to do it for him. luckily, the necessary paragraphs that ought to be studied beforehand and referenced in the essay itself came with the mail, so that makes everything a lot easier.

when mingyu wakes up hours later, he finds himself alone in his room. you’re gone, though he notices the glass of water on his nightstand has been refilled, his laptop is flipped open, and there’s a sticky note attached to it.

slowly, he rubs his eyes and moves toward the desk to grab the laptop before sitting back against the pillows.

you must’ve written something on the note, he figures.

‘hopefully the essay is up to the standards of your class. i did it in a separate document so you can just get rid of the whole thing if it’s not what you want it to be. let me know if you need anything else. x’

he frowns, turning the device on to see what you worked on — and the screen lights up, only for him to realize you wrote the essay due for tomorrow. and with a few of his own additions here and there, it’s good enough to submit, which is impressive for someone who’s not actually taking the class.

and right now, all he can do is smile at his screen like an idiot.

you’re at the university skating rink when you hear someone calling your name from the bleachers.

looking up with a frown, you suddenly notice a tall man sprinting your way, so you skate towards him. “mingyu, what the hell are you doing here?”

“i got 87/100 for the essay. for the one class i always hate. you’re a genius.” he exclaims, absolutely beaming at you.

you suddenly remember doing the essay for him, snorting at his reaction. “so i’ve heard. good to see you’re doing better.”

“is there anything i can do in return?”

“don’t worry. i like writing essays. besides, you already helped me out plenty of times. it was the least i could do.”

the words coming out of your mouth hardly match your facial expression, but he finds he’s gotten used to it now. he understands you better than ever before. “you know how you said i’d get nothing out of a friendship with you?” he recalls, biting his lip for a moment, “you were wrong.”

a mere chuckle escapes you. “right. you get top-notch essays and bowls of chicken soup.”

your comment was sarcastic, but he remains serious. “you’re wonderful, you know that?”

it’s not often people use a word like that to describe you. it feels weird hearing it, but your attitude remains the same. “am i?”

“yeah, you are,” he nods, pushing out more compliments, “and i’m glad to have you in my life.”

the playful expression on your face falters — like a glitch occurring in your system. mingyu is starting to break through your hard exterior remarkably easily, and that’s beginning to scare you a little.

he leaves without saying another word, but the look on his face is enough to tell that he’s feeling the tension too. whatever relationship you have is becoming more intimate by day, most definitely passing the friendship it was supposed to be, and to you, that is very alarming.

and you suddenly refuse to let it go any further.

whenever he texts you, you either tell him you don’t have the time to come over or nothing at all. you avoid him like the plague, ensure not to go to social gatherings if he’s going be there and stay well away from all the places you and him studied together. it hurts, because you do miss him, yet you manage to keep it up.

but you can only do so much. unfortunately, mingyu is smarter than you hoped.

after two weeks of you avoiding him, he decides he’s had enough.

when you’re almost about to leave the dorm for your lecture, you hear someone knocking on your door. you open it to find him standing there, and he walks right by you, not bothering to ask whether he can come in.

“why have you been avoiding me?”

“i gotta leave for my lecture, i don’t have time for this.”

“so make the time.” he says sternly, jaw clenched. “answer the question.”

“i haven’t been avoiding you.”

“sure. so it’s a coincidence you suddenly stopped talking to me?”

you huff in frustration and close the door, leaning with your back against it. “no, it isn’t.”

he raises his hands in defeat. “so, why?”

“it’s been fun. i don’t know. but you’ve proved what you wanted to prove, so… good for you. we can both move on now.” you shrug, hardly sounding convinced of your own words.

“you’re lying.” he breathes out, scoffing to himself. he’s baffled that you think he’d consider it believable at all. “four months ago, i would’ve bought that. but not now.”

“believe what you wanna believe. i don’t really care.” you give him the cold shoulder, attempting to open the door so you can leave, but he immediately shuts it to stop you from doing so.

“don’t bullshit me. you care. i don’t know why the fuck you’re so hellbent on not admitting that, but it’s the truth.”

he’s beginning to get on your nerves. “what fucking answers are you even here for? since you claim to know everything that’s going on inside my head already.”

it’s then that he starts to show how genuinely upset he is at you pushing him away. “what makes me so different from the other guys? joshua, seokmin, chan—all of them. why is it so easy for you to be close with them but not with me?”

“because you keep trying to get closer to me! from day one, you’ve been saying you wanna be friends with me like the rest of them, but your actions don’t line up with that.”

“so what? i like you and i’m pretty damn sure you like me too.” his voice is softer, face closer to yours, those brown eyes of his working their way straight to your heart. “what are you so afraid of?”

either you’re imagining things or he’s leaning in to kiss you. his lips are so close before you feel them on yours, a sensation you missed like nothing else.

your fingers touch the back of his neck. it’s hard not to get lost in the feeling of his mouth on yours, the smell of his cologne making it even harder.

kissing mingyu is the closest you’ll ever get to heaven, but right now, all it’s making you feel is guilt and shame.

so you pull yourself away from him, breaking the kiss, hands feeling heavy on his chest. “close the door on your way out.” you whisper, leaving him alone in your dorm.

he stands perplexed in his place for a moment, pinching the bridge of his nose, processing what just happened.

“fuck.”

it’s been a week, and he hasn’t called nor texted you since that conversation. you assume that he’s decided to move on.

which is understandable. if you were him, you’d be done with it too.

it feels strange to be going about your day without him dropping by or talking to you. like he left a void you’re unable to fill. and it hurts — you miss him.

you’re having lunch with seokmin and minghao in the cafeteria when he’s suddenly standing in front of you by the table. “i just got a call from the gallery manager — we’ve got it to ourselves this friday evening!”

minghao smiles widely, the sweet sound of his excited laughter intriguing the rest of you. he turns his head to explain. “me and mingyu have been trying to rent the gallery so we could finally be able to put our work on display. apparently, it was just confirmed we managed to pull it off.”

hao is a passionate painter — mingyu a photographer. their love for art is one of the things that binds them together, and they’ve mentioned wanting to have their own exhibit for a few months now. despite the things that have happened, you’re happy for them.

“that’s great! we can come, right?” seokmin asks, already grabbing his phone to put it in his agenda.

“yeah, you guys better.” minghao answers, his gaze shifting to you. “you have to come too. you’re free, right?”

he’s aware of things between you and mingyu being tense right now — though he doesn’t know why — but he still thinks it’d be good for you and him to see each other.

your eyes meet mingyu’s for the first time since your last conversation a week ago, and hao follows your actions, looking at him as well.

mingyu subtly looks away, hoping his friend didn't catch him staring at you. before he can utter the words he wants to say, you tilt your head, already speaking up. “sure. i'll be there.”

he unintentionally gives you a puzzled look, and you pop a piece of gum in your mouth, looking at your wrist as if there’s a watch there.

there isn’t. “won’t you look at the time. i’ll see you guys later.”

they briefly say bye to you, very much used to the way you dismiss yourself, and mingyu watches the interaction as if it’s the first time witnessing it — as if he hasn’t known you to be like this for several months.

he watches you walk out of the cafeteria, confronted by his two friends staring at him. “what?”

“you’re deep in it.” minghao remarks. “when are you guys finally gonna admit that you wanna be together?”

“it’s not that easy.”

seokmin frowns, connecting the dots before gasping. “wait. you and her are a thing? since when? why didn’t anyone tell me this?”

the other two just deadpan a stare at him.

on friday night, you attend the art exhibit. you know he’s been working hard on the collection, and you certainly figured you were gonna be confronted with mingyu as well, but this is one gathering you couldn’t afford to miss. so you choose to try and forget the drama for one night.

you’re wearing a little black dress with lacy tights and sleek ankle boots, an outfit you feel nice in.

the gallery is buzzing with friends of the artists as well as people who frequent the place whenever a new exhibit is up. perhaps some pieces will be sold tonight.

as you’re passing some of mingyu’s framed photos, you hear his familiar voice behind you.

“i was surprised when you agreed to come.”

when you turn your head, he’s standing there with his hands in the pockets of his fitted black pants, the deep cut of his white blouse exposing just a bit more of his upper chest than usual, a silver chain sitting all pretty on his neck and collarbones.

personally, you find it’s relatively rare to find men with good taste in fashion, but he’s definitely got it. he looks good. really good.

biting your lip, you give him nothing but a cool response. “came to see if you were any good.”

“and? what’s your judgement?”

“haven’t made up my mind yet.” your tone turns into a more teasing one, seeing as he appears considerably less hostile than you. “does my judgement really matter that much, though?”

he nods so quickly, almost as if he were hypnotized by you. “more than you know.”

him showing you affection actually makes your heart shatter. he’s so genuine in it too — and you just don’t know what to do with all that love he so easily gives you.

people pass you left and right, completely unaware of the heavy feeling currently bubbling inside your chest. you’re crumbling under his gaze and he fucking feels it.

and this situation is precisely the one thing you were so afraid of. you know he knows how to poke into your heart, he knows when you’re lying to him, he knows when you’re upset or hurt — and the idea that there’s someone out there who can see all of that just by looking at you utterly terrifies you.

in moments like these, your expression doesn’t gradually change. it falls hard and quick, sometimes very visibly, just like right now. the blank stare is gone, your lips parting, eyes blinking erratically — it’s like you received a slap to the face.

“your photography is beautiful, mingyu. you’re talented, but you didn’t need me to tell you that.” your voice breaks in the middle of your sentence and you leave him behind, heading into the ladies’ room, hoping he won’t follow you.

you exhale when he doesn’t.

knowing it’s way too early to leave, you pull yourself together, and once you get out of the bathroom, you make it your mission to avoid him for the rest of the night. if that means talking to god knows how many new people, so be it.

minghao’s paintings are beautiful. you’re in awe of his talent as you walk past his artworks, admiring each of them.

as the evening nears its end, the artist himself comes up to you with that gentle smile he often wears. “so, what do you think? do i have potential?”

“are you kidding? you’ve got more than just potential. these are gorgeous. you should be proud of them.”

he thanks you, his hands sitting in the pockets of his trousers. “what’d you do to mingyu?”

you cross your arms over your chest. “why’re you assuming i did something?”

“because he’s been looking like a kicked puppy for the past few weeks. and i heard you and him suddenly stopped hanging out, so...”

taking a deep breath, you shake your head to yourself. “honestly, i’m not even sure what happened between us. it came out of nowhere.”

minghao keeps his eyes on you even when you look away. “he came out of nowhere and you started liking him.”

the comment makes your eyes widen, but you don’t bother hiding the truth from him. he might be the most trustworthy guy you know. “yeah. so i pushed him away.”

he’s aware of your fear of letting people in beyond a certain extent. “what did he do?”

you could cry, honestly. your face is blank — your voice trembles. “he said he was happy to have me in his life. god, i’m so fucking insecure.”

hao softly rubs over your shoulder blade for a second, a gesture you appreciate. he shrugs. “you’re not obligated to do something you don’t wanna do. but talking about it is better than leaving it unsaid. gyu’s a good guy. he’ll understand it, but only if you give him the chance to.”

with that sentiment, he leaves you be, and you rub your arms, staring at the painting that’s currently in front of you, only to realize it’s about two lovers.

there’s a thin line between laughing and crying. you feel like you’re somewhere in the middle right now.

“christ, i need a fucking drink.” you mutter to yourself, running a hand through your hair.

“mind if i join you?”

of course. why are you even surprised?

without looking him in the eye, you respond to his question with one of your own. “sure you want my company?”

“beats going drinking alone.” mingyu shrugs next to you.

you let out a sarcastic chuckle at that. “whatever you say.”

luckily for you, the nearest bar is around the block. the walk there is quiet. you’re not sure what to say to him, and you feel him subtly looking your way.

he holds the door open for you to go in first. the place is not all that crowded yet, only a few tables occupied, probably because it’s still relatively early in the evening.

since no one else is seated by the bar top, you choose to head to one of the high stools there, ordering two shots of vodka before even sitting down.

the bartender puts two shot glasses in front of you and pours the liquid in both until they’re completely filled. mingyu looks at you as he picks up the small glass, and you just lightly tilt your head as a toast.

his facial expression is as bitter as the alcohol burning in his throat. he hates the way you look at him — like you don’t give a fuck about him.

you look down at your glass. you still haven’t exchanged a single word since leaving the gallery. what the hell are you even supposed to say? you didn’t want to be here with him in the first place.

liar. the little voice in your head creeps in.

the silence feels as painful as trailing your nails down a chalkboard. surprisingly, it’s you who ends up speaking first.

“if you’re trying to make the situation more awkward, you’re succeeding.”

“i’m just trying to find the words. don’t know where to start.”

your voice is hostile and sharp as a blade. “then don’t.”

of course you’re aware you’re being mean. but it’s to serve a purpose. every time you show this side of you, people always leave. better sooner than later, right?

mingyu, instead of feeling insulted by your attitude, looks at you as if he’s deciphering a puzzle. “i will. because i care.”

that makes you remain quiet. you just scoff instead, not knowing what to say next. he shifts in his seat to be able to look at him better — you do the exact opposite, turning your face away from him.

“can i ask you something?”

you don’t actually respond, save for the blank stare you give him. which he takes as a yes.

“you not showing much… is it a front you put up or something you just do?”

an interesting question — one you actually have to think about. “the latter. having a resting bitch face doesn’t really help my case, i guess. but i also enjoy keeping people in the dark a bit. can’t have everyone showing everything.”

“why not?”

blinking at him for a moment, you gently smile at him. it’s not a genuine one. “do you wanna know why you feel at a disadvantage right now?”

“because your alcohol tolerance is better than mine?”

“because you can’t tell what i’m thinking.”

he then puts his chin up to look at you better. you tilt your head a little, as if you were following his gaze, and he feels like he’s on the right track here.

“maybe i kinda like that disadvantage.” he suggests, but you shake your head knowingly.

“no, you don’t.”

“how would you know?”

you suck at the inside of your cheek for a moment, taking a breath. “my mom once said to me that it bothered her she couldn’t tell what i was thinking.” you pout your lips as if you’re thinking about it. “i told her i liked that. being an open book is my worst nightmare.”

“why?”

“putting your thoughts and feelings on display make you vulnerable. being vulnerable makes you weak.”

“so you think it’s better to isolate your feelings completely — discuss them with no one? ever?”

“unless it’s necessary, yes. besides, feelings aren’t black and white. do you know how difficult it is to convey them through words, let alone getting the person at the other end of the line to actually understand them?”

mingyu looks—no, gazes at you. “how will you know if you don’t try?”

“how do you know i haven’t? you think you’re the first person who’s tried to get close to me like this?” you ask, tilting your head. “speaking of which, i’ve been having a real hard time trying to figure out what it is you want from me. i’m not buying the whole ‘i-just-wanna-be-friends’ façade. never did. i thought it was the sex, but i initiated it more often than you did.”

“it wasn’t for the sex.” he shrugs his shoulders. “i like you.”

“so you’ve mentioned. since when?”

“since… always.”

“we never even talked before soonyoung’s party.”

“no, but i liked you.”

“bullshit.” you fire back at him, scoffing sarcastically. “i’m hardly likeable — nothing i’m insecure about. just a plain fact.”

“and yet i like you a lot. must be shocking.” he jests, the vaguest hint of a rising smirk on his face. “do you like me?”

“i can’t stand you,” you reach out to push his chin upwards so he looks up at you, only realizing how physically comfortable you’ve become with him after doing so, “but at least you’ve got a pretty face to make up for it.”

it’s unbelievable, mingyu thinks to himself. the way you keep teasing him, keep being a little mean to him, and he just eats it all up.

every moment he spends with you has him wondering what on earth it is about you that draws him in so much.

but, fuck, he just can’t get enough.

another shot is poured into your glasses, which you take between your thumb and index finger, nodding at him so he’ll take his.

the liquid burns in his throat, making him feel hot, and you get awfully turned on when you notice the way he wipes off the drops that accidentally ran down his chin.

“i think i’ve got you all figured out.”

his bold statement and matching attitude has you raising your shoulders. “oh yeah? go on. try me, i’m curious.”

the words tumble from his lips as if they’re part of a monologue he’s been rehearsing for weeks. “you feel so much, express so little. i bet it must be hard to keep up with your own mind sometimes. i think you often feel judged and misunderstood because of your attitude, but you don’t mind that much, since you prefer a smaller circle anyways. you simply don’t like wearing your heart on your sleeve, but it’d be a big mistake to think you don’t have one — and honestly, i’d do anything to be close to it.”

it’s not often you’re speechless.

he describes you almost perfectly, and your body language subconsciously changes, confident and playful demeanor gone — the cold and distant side of your personality coming out again.

“good job,” you tell him softly, moving to grab a few bucks from your wallet to pay for the drinks, “i guess i should say congratulations. you know what makes me tick. that means we’re done here, right?”

he finally spots the shift in your behavior. “wait—”

“have a good night, gyu.”

you curse yourself for accidentally using the nickname as you walk out of the bar, putting your coat on, feeling raindrops on your hair and skin once you get outside.

as you’re trying to make yourself remember where the nearest metro stop is, you hear him utter your name behind you. “what did i do? was it something i said?”

letting impulsivity get to you for once, you scoff, muttering a response. “it was everything you said.”

“why?” he asks, the tension running thicker. “why won’t you just let me in, for once? just this time?”

you hate how desperate he sounds — you hate how much it’s tugging at your heartstrings.

“why do you even want me to?”

“‘cause i like you.”

“no, you don’t. you just like whatever chase this is, just a little fun to keep things interesting for you.”

“has it ever crossed your mind that maybe i like you for you?”

“i’ve given you no reason to like me.”

“what, you think that no one out there will like you unless you act differently?”

his words feel like a growing tear in your heart. your self-esteem is so ridiculously low that it makes you believe no one would love you if you were to be unapologetically yourself — and hearing someone say it out loud hurts.

mingyu watches as the emotion flashes through your eyes, one of the few glimpses of what you feel underneath that cold exterior.

“it’s not true,” he says before you attempt to answer, “because you… being around you makes me happy. when i’m not with you, i think of when i’ll see you next. you matter to me.”

you’re not sure what’s worse — the fact that you reciprocate his feelings or the words that are coming out of your mouth.

“you’d do best to try and get rid of that feeling.”

but he knows there’s more lingering behind your words. “tell me you don’t feel the same way.”

“what i feel means nothing.” you state, voice laced with hurt, though not from his words. “let it go.”

“why don’t you wanna try?”

“because it’d be a disaster. for both of us.”

“c’mon,” he pleads, gently touching your fingers, “please don’t push me away.”

“god—i have my reasons, mingyu.”

“then explain them to me!”

“i can’t give you what you want!” you cry out, needing him to understand you. “someone like you just doesn’t work with someone like me. it might sound stupid, but it’s the truth. i wouldn’t tell you i love you, i’m fucking—bitter and cynical, if not misanthropic, i like my own peace and quiet, i fucking hate talking about what i feel — and you are the complete opposite. i’d make you miserable. you’d grow to hate me.”

“no, i wouldn’t.”

“you would. you... i do like you. i don’t know what the hell you did, like—it’s bizarre how much i’ve grown to like you. but at the end of the day, we’d never work, because i cannot give you the love that you deserve. i know you. you want someone spontaneous, easygoing, sociable — those are all traits that i don’t have. i wish i did, but that’s just how i’m engineered. we wouldn’t work.”

“how do you even know that?”

“i’ve had two boyfriends before this. both broke things off with me ‘cause i didn't show love the way they were used to, and even when they called it quits, i didn’t show a thing. because i don’t do that. no matter how often i say it, no one ever appears to understand what they’re getting themselves into when they get close to me, so i’m telling you now. this? you and me?” you ask, finger pointing between the two of you. “we’d be idiots to try.”

“fine. then consider me an idiot.” he breathes out, just barely registering how close he’s standing to you. “i’m willing to try. please.”

the crease between your brows is the sign of your inner conflict. “i’m sick of getting hurt. sick of people making me feel like my feelings aren’t valid solely because i don’t like expressing them.”

“i’m not gonna hurt you. we can take things slow.”

“gyu—” you plead, almost like you’re begging him to stop tearing your walls down despite knowing he won’t.

and perhaps the other part of you does want to let him in. it’s so scary, so tempting.

“i don’t wanna lose you.”

he adores you so much — it’s ridiculous. “you won’t lose me. please…” he touches your fingers so gently, getting closer to you as you barely make an effort to push him away, “please let me in.”

his heartbeat rises when you look him in the eye — he wonders how the hell a person so strong can look so afraid. but he’s determined to show that you have no reason to be anymore.

it’s raining even harder now. instead of backing you up against the wall, he takes a few steps away from you as if he’s leaving, only for him to turn around and gesture for you to come with him.

mingyu’s smile shines even in the heavy downpour — a bright light that balances out your dull one.

he extends his hand, and you finally get over the edge of your fear, finally able to take control of your own body and slide your hand in his.

you and kim mingyu shouldn’t work — perhaps that’s exactly the reason why you do.

thank you for reading. let me know if you enjoyed it x

® SANAKIRAS — do not repost, remake or copy my work in any way whatsoever. translations are not allowed.

[umbrella-show]

https://www.tumblr.com/umbrella-show/764815509077311488/self-aware-crk?source=share

Hey if you take requests/ideas I wanna drop one off...a prequel of like y/n entering the cookie world and panicking that they are in said world aaaand how cookies take them I'm and how they got y/n to move em into castle instead of just letting them live in a house and so on...you get the idea lol!

(BTW I saw the tag of yandere and I'm curious when we will see the yandere parts...excited lmao!

Umm so this is really long and i don't think I have it in me to create a whole fic based off this so I put it in headcannon format.

Prequel

The Legend of the baker was a very well known story across Earthbread which entailed the story of a being more powerful than the Witches. A being that watched over Earthbread and kept it safe of harm and darkness.

The story was told to cookies, both young and old, and was meant to give hope to terrible situations. After all, the Baker will always protect Earthbred and its inhabitants.

Some believed the story, others didn’t. But it was still one of the most popular stories on EarthBread.

You don’t remember how you became stuck in this world. You just remember waking up in the middle of the forest that just so happened to be right outside of the Cookie Kingdom. You faintly remember stumbling across the large Kingdom, watching in shock and confusion as cookies, only a little shorter than you, roamed the kingdom.

You had soon been spotted by one of the cookies who fearfully ran and alerted other cookies of your existence. You remembered being surrounded, some cookies looking at you in curiosity, others in fear. It wasn’t until one of them yelled out you looked familiar to someone named ‘The Baker.’

And then, all of the cookies switched from skeptical to happy as they approached you and bombarded you with questions. They didn’t look scared anymore, instead becoming excited.

GingerBrave and his friends pulled you out of the crowd and to some place private, away from the crowd. 

They asked if you were the Baker. You told them you had no clue who that was.

Yet, they still called the baker, Wizard cookie claiming the resemblance was too close for you to not be the Baker.

You didn’t understand why they didn’t believe you.

They told you about Earthbred and did their best to calm you down. They looked visibly ecstatic from just being with you. You asked them if there was a way to leave this world. If there was a way for you to go home.

Home…Where was home again? You had paused when you realized you couldn't remember where home even was. In fact, you couldn't remember too much of your life before arriving here. Only general information about your family and friends. And even that was faint.

In your confused state, they had somehow convinced you to agree to stay in the kingdom for a while.

They gave you a tour of the kingdom and overall welcomed you into their world. You couldn’t help but feel better from their kindness. You didn’t realize it was getting dark until you could see the sun begin to slowly hide behind the trees. You had thanked Gingerbrave and his friends for the tour and offered to sleep in one of the free cookie houses for the night. To your surprise, however, they refused to let you sleep there.

“Oh no no no. You deserve much better, Baker!” Wizard cookie had proclaimed.

“Yeah! How about you stay in the Cookie Castle?” Gingerbrave said, already beginning to lead you to said castle.

Despite the amount of times you said it was fine, they insisted, and you couldn’t help but give in as they led you through the doors.

A few days after your arrival were spent in the Cookie Castle, being visited by GingerBrave and his friends and learning more and more about Earthbred from them.

And then one day, GingerBrave told you something that had changed your life.

“You know, all of the other cookies in the kingdom said they want you to rule over the Kingdom.”

You had spat out your drink in shock.

Rule the kingdom?! You couldn’t possibly do that! You just got here!

Everyone else, however, seemed to agree with the inhabitants of the kingdom.

“I-I think you’d do a really good job..” Strawberry cookie mumbled, making everyone nod their heads in agreement.

A crowning ceremony was arranged, and you were too overwhelmed to say no. How could you when everyone was pushing and begging you to take the throne.

And so, somewhat nonconsensually, you were officially declared ruler of the cookie kingdom.

All of the cookies cheered when the crown was placed on your head while you silently struggled under the weight.

After your crowning ceremony, a cookie named Pure Vanilla cookie heard news of your arrival and decided to pay a visit. When he saw how inexperienced you were when it came to ruling, he stepped up to teach you. He stayed with you, becoming an advisor and handling the more complicated duties that weighed on you while he taught you how to handle the easier ones.

He taught you polite manners and was generally very polite himself. He liked to take your hand while walking with you, and when you needed a break, he took you to the garden to admire the flowers and talk.

You slowly began to feel some of the weight lift from your shoulders from his help.

Yet, you still felt so out of place in this world. You thought’ you didn’t fit in. You thought you didn’t belong here. You couldn’t relate to anyone here.

This felt wrong. This felt so wrong. You couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable being in this castle. Sitting in this chair. You just stared down at your food, not bothering to pick up the utensils. You were lost in thought, but the voice of Pure Vanilla cookie forcibly took you out.

“Is the food not to your liking, Baker?”

You only shook your head, not making eye contact with him as you slowly picked up the fork and knife. You cut the jelly meat on your pate into smaller pieces so it was easier to eat.

“I’m fine.”

You softly responded, dabbing at your mouth with a napkin.

“Just thinking.”

Those thoughts lasted for a while, but slowly began disappearing into the back of your mind as you met the other Ancient cookies (minus White Lily cookie. Pure Vanilla never told you where she was). You were extremely nervous at first when Pure Vanilla brought it up.

“Do not worry. My friends are as curious as I about you.” He gently reassured you, taking your hand in his and squeezing.

You went to their kingdoms and met them personally. They were your first trips you took out of the kingdom. GingerBrave and his friends went with you while Pure Vanilla cookie handled kingdom affairs in your absence.

You found the Ancients to be quite interesting and unique in their own ways.

Your personal favorite was HollyBerry, though you’d never say it outloud to anyone. She was so welcoming and friendly and you couldn’t help but admire her strength and passion about helping and protecting her people. She could be a bit touchy and clingy at times, but you normally looked past it. She also gave the best hugs.

Golden Cheese Cookie was next. She gave you a tour of her kingdom, showing off her wealth and treasure to you, leaving you gawking at the amount. She seemed to be amused by your shock, taking that opportunity to blow your mind with the sheer amount of gold she owned. There were a few hints of possessiveness and jealousy that subtly slipped through her shiny and radiant exterior, but overall she was nice.

Finally, you met Dark Cacao cookie. You had to admit, you were a bit intimidated by him. You spent your time walking with him through his castle, idly chatting. He had a cold and serious exterior that put you on guard, but there were moments you could relax during your conversation with him. He’s gone through a lot, you’ve learned, having his trust broken more than once. You thought he didn’t entirely trust you, which you couldn’t blame him for. As quiet and serious as he was, you could appreciate how quiet he was compared to HollyBerry and Golden Cheese, who were more talkative.

You began to feel better with the new company you now had from the Ancients. You liked exploring Earthbread, you realized. The kingdoms you visited were so different from each other. It made you want to learn more about them.

Maybe.. Maybe there was more out there, somewhere on Earthbread, for you to explore.

When you brought this idea up with Pure Vanilla, he immediately shot it down. He said it was too dangerous. He said you didn’t know enough about Earthbread yet to even think about it. You tried your luck with the other Ancients and was met with disapproval.

Hell, you even asked Gingerbrave and his friends if you could go with them for at least one adventure, and they said no too.

You were upset at this rejection. You’ve been in this world for a while. You know enough about it, you believed.

That’s when you began to get desperate for something. Desperate for an exciting adventure. Desperate to explore. Desperate to escape these castle walls.

Yanderes

So literally almost all the cookies, both in and outside the cookie kingdom, practically worship the Baker. They try to give them offerings, free stuff, and overall treat them like a divine being. As nice as the offerings were, you were quick to protest, telling them to treat you like a friend instead of a god, because that wasn’t what you were.

Most of the Yandere behavior is seen by the Ancients when they see their baker begin to seem lower and sadder than usual because of their confinement to their kingdom.

They do their best to cheer you up in their own ways, while also becoming more protective.

Pure Vanilla doesn't really seem to change at all, but if you look closely, he has. You were always dependent on him. He was there almost since day one of your arrival, and has done nothing but help you. You don’t realize how dependent you’ve become to him, how you don’t know what to do without his guidance. He knows this well and subtly uses it to his advantage in keeping you here.

HollyBerry becomes even touchier, constantly having her arm around yours or on your shoulder. It’s her way of telling people to back off. Can’t they see your feeling sad and need her comfort at the moment? 

Golden Cheese cookie wants nothing to come in between your hang outs and gets irritated when someone does. She likes to gift you little shiny and golden accessories like bracelets or necklaces. It’s her way of signaling to everyone you’re someone she cares about.

Dark Cacao was also on who kept change in behavior discreet. Or maybe he didn’t. The only thing he really showed was a willingness to get closer to you and trust you more. You assumed his protectiveness and somewhat sternness was a result of that.

You didn’t realize how protective they all were until you began to yearn for more adventure. And by that time, it was too late. They would never let you go.

[rallamajoop]

An absurdly detailed analysis of That One Soldat Photo

Hang around wintersberg fandom long enough, and you'll likely run into a popular crack-theory that, since Heisenberg obviously thinks that building a set of huge, yellow-painted signposts is a good way to point Ethan to the Stronghold, maybe it's Heisenberg who's been leaving all those handy, yellow-painted supply crates all over the place for Ethan to find! It's exactly the kind of fun nonsense I'd enjoy if it didn't feel folks are starting to take it a little too literally (by which I mean I have now read multiple fics in which it's played completely straight ‒ and, like, people do get that it's just a crack theory, right? Like, why would Heisenberg have left so many yellow crates around his own damn factory? Look, you don't have to explain every last game mechanic, not everything is lore!)

But as anyone reading my own fic would know, I'm guilty of echoing the idea that Heisenberg-was-leaving-stuff-for-Ethan myself ‒ just not because of any yellow-striped crates. No, I'm way more interested in this one weird soldat-photo you can find in the village ‒ long hours before you'll ever see your first Soldat in the flesh...

Very creepy. And if you turn it over, you'll find a clue to a puzzle you'll have to solve in order to progress.

(And of course, when you do look out the window, odds are you'll get jump-scared by a lycan just when you're focused on the numbers, because RE8 loves that sort of misdirection ‒ but I digress.)

Anyway, the code you can see out the window will open a safe containing a jack handle you'll need to move a vehicle in the village, as well as the M1911 pistol (which will very likely be your go-to handgun for the rest of the game). The game is full of conveniently-helpful clues like that (heck, most games are), often with no obvious Watsonian justification. And there are other photos around the village ‒ Luiza has a whole photo album ‒ but photos of experiments created by Miranda and her lords don't generally turn up outside their own territory.

For a player exploring the village for the first time, that photo is a lovely little bit of foreshadowing, hinting at monsters and factory stages to come. But on replaying with full knowledge of Heisenberg's later attempts to get Ethan on his side, that Soldat photo is just enough to make you go, huh... did Heisenberg leave that for Ethan? Like, on purpose?

You can find another copy of that photo later, in Heisenberg's factory, along with his notes on his early series Soldat experiments. Which doesn't really prove anything beyond the fact that assets exist to be reused... but it does at least make it pretty canon that Heisenberg has photos of his Soldats sitting around.

Possibly also significant: both the clue photo and the factory documents are tagged 'geekmemo' in the game files. Most everything related to Heisenberg in the files is labeled 'geek'-something ‒ it seems to be an early nickname for his character that lasted well into production. Everything in the factory is geek-something, even the model for the passageway from the altar to the bridge is labeled 'pathtogeek'. Considering that so many soldat-related assets are already labeled 'geek', maybe that 'geekmemo' tag doesn't really tell us anything we don't already know ‒ but it certainly doesn't work against the idea that Heisenberg wrote that 'memo' himself.

Besides, it's not like there isn't precedent for this kind of thing. RE7 had a whole mechanic where you'd have to find 'treasure photos' pointing out the location of a few rare and useful items, all with "I hid something here" written on the back. We're never explicitly told who left those photos lying around, but it's obviously Lucas: he loves playing games, he loves taunting prisoners with the possibility of escape, and who else would it be? The complete population of the Baker mansion is like 6 people and a bunch of semi-sentient mould.

Over in RE8, there are a lot more village resident who might have left that clue lying around. Like it or not though, Heisenberg is very much RE8's equivalent of Lucas: the family's wildcard show-boater who loves making Ethan jump through hoops for his amusement. So how does the game let us know it was Heisenberg who left this particular clue? Well, who else would leave a message on the back of a Soldat photo?

There's may be additional supporting evidence Heisenberg could be involved ‒ most notably the location, being a locked-off cul-de-sac labeled 'Workshop' on signs and maps. The area is full of metal junk very much like you'll later see lying around the factory.

The workshop location does have other relevance ‒ it makes sense that you'd find the jack handle in the village workshop, whether Heisenberg was involved or not. But it also stands to reason that if there's anywhere in the village proper where Heisenberg might hang around and leave clues for Ethan, the workshop is it. And you have to admit that leaving Ethan useful stuff in a safe along with an easy clue that will likely get him jumped by a lycan is 100% more in-character for the guy than just leaving useful stuff out in the open, even if it doesn't really prove anything either.

There's one more weird-little does-this-mean-anything detail: there are three dead crows near the safe too.

It's not the first time in the game you've seen dead crows (there were a bunch outside the village, and I've talked about what that might mean in the context of Miranda's cult before). But I don't remember finding any others around the village itself, other than in this one spot. And instead of being hung from trees like a ritual sacrifice, these ones are just dead ‒ messily, and with blood everywhere.

Now, maybe it doesn't mean anything, but is there anyone in the village more likely to vent his frustrations by violently killing a few of Mother Miranda's avian avatars than Heisenberg? I'd think not.

In conclusion: I still don't think all those yellow crates have anything to do with Heisenberg. And I still don't know for sure whether the RE8 development team wanted me to assume that Heisenberg left Ethan that photo, jack handle and gun. I don't know if we're supposed to read that Heisenberg keeps a workshop in the village and sometimes kills crows out of spite. But the evidence sure does point that way ‒ and it's as valid an interpretation as anything else you might take from this game.

[f4iry-bell]

WHO AM I? | 1

pairing: nerd grayson hawthorne x popular reader

warning: slightly angsty?? judgey grayson, dialogue heavy.

tagging: @unnoodles @nqds @alwaysthefangirl @clarissaweasley-10 @benny1989fredd @imaseabear @never-enough-novels @elysianwayy77 @whatsamongus @sheisntyou @emelia07 @cassie6392

word count: 1.8k

a/n: ik i said pathetic grayson but I'll give you all pathetic grayson frfr in the next part where their romance start of catch up???? maybe a three part series!!!!

akso will make non linear parts of this series in the future!!!!

masterlist | part 2 | blurbs of this series

Grayson Hawthorne is not introverted or has social anxiety, he just hates people. He goes to college, takes notes, interacts with people if he must, study, ace the test, repeat. That was his routine, and he was not intending to change that. But today was quite different because his brothers called him a loser for being in Harvard and yet has not participated in anything fun, they made him sign a paper which says he will participate in at least one fun event which doesn't involve him getting extra credits. In his defense he was drunk when he signed the paper.

He was debating whether or not to go in and participate in the scavenger hunt, it is something that he would enjoy as well. So he decided to join the group. There were a few comments like ‘Woah, is that Grayson Hawthorne? Outside his books?’ but he ignored them and started to play the game.

He noticed someone who focused more on filming the whole thing with her phone than trying and okay the game. He sort of recognised her, she is in his business class. She is barely there in class, both physically and mentally but they do share a class together. She is one of those people who thinks college is just fun and time to live like you're in the movies kind of girl. He can tell with her flawless skin and hair that too long he wonders how she manages. She has this charismatic aura around her as she filmed herself and her friends. 

Grayson darted his eyes away from her and focused on solving the hints and moving to the next level.

He finished the scavenger hunt within 15 minutes and thought how stupid it was, a bunch of silly clues and silky hints that even a 4th grader can win this.

“Seriously, dude? You couldn't let others at least try and solve hints?” The girl asked.

Grayson’s heart skipped a beat which he ignored. “Try what? I reckon you were doing nothing but filming.”

“So?”

“Isn't the point of this game is to play and win?”

“No. It's fun and okay with friends which I  assume is a strange concept for you.” The girl rolled her eyes and went back to her phone texting someone.

“It is rude to be on your phone when you're talking to someone.” He pointed out.

“The conversation is over. Or are you not that smart enough to take a hint?” She spoke without looking up from her phone which only pissed him off.

“This attitude of yours will not get you anywhere.” He said.

The girl chuckled genuinely, finding it funny. “Good luck surviving college.” With that she walked away from him.

_

Grayson took it quite personal, it affected him a lot, she affected him a lot. What did she mean by “Good luck surviving college”? He has the perfect grades, the professors like him, the students are not up to his standards so he prefers to stay away from them, unless there's a group project. He will survive it better than her, with all that filming she's barely graduating.

During his business class the professor gave everyone a chit with a number in it, two people have the same number so they can pair up and work on a project. Grayson didn't open his chit yet. The girl from scavenger hunt stood up from her seat and adjusted her hair before she spoke out loud like social anxiety fears her.

“Alright, who is number 12?” She asked, looking around. Grayson shook his head and opened his chit and sighed. It says number 12.

He didn't want to raise his hand or tell her at all. He is going to have a talk with the professor to change his partner because he was sure that she won't be a good project partner.

“I would like to change my partner.” He told the professor as the class dismissed slowly.

“Why?”

“I don't think my partner will cooperate with me.” He told him.

“Well, you should try. Because there is changing here, Mr. Hawthorne.” The professor said. Grayson turned to see that she had already gone. It has only been a minute since the class ended.

It was not hard for him to find her in the crowd, he found her in the cafeteria during lunch. She was with other people who were just like her. On the phone 24/7, couldn't care about academics, rich, or popular. 

He stood behind her and spoke. “Excuse me.”

She looked back to him from her seat. “What?” She gave him a disgusting look.

He frowned in offense. “I’m number 12”

“Huh?”

“Your project partner.”

“Oh.” She slowly remembered what happened in business class and why he is here. “Oh…” The last oh sounded like disappointment and disgust.

“I would appreciate it if you start working your part soon and hand it to me by this weekend. I'll look over it. Then I'll finish the rest.” He told her.

“Excuse me?” 

“Is there a problem?”

“Yes. Its a group project, right? We should do it together.”

“We can split the work. It'll save time.” He prefer it that way.

“No.”

“What?”

“We shouldn't split the work.”

“Why not?” He asked.

Her friend chuckled and said “because she doesn't know what to do.”

“Shut up, Lily.” The girl scolded her friend.

“Do you or do you not know?” Grayson asked.

“I know, I just need someone to tell me what exactly we should do…and some notes of the previous classes.” She confessed.

Grayson sighed. “I'll give you my notes, meet me in the library after college.”

“Wait, I have a party to attend after college.” Her eyes widened.

“It's either this way or we split it. The choice is yours.”

She groaned. “Fine”

“Don't be late.”

_

“You're late.” Grayson pointed out.

“Whatever, let's start.” She said as she dragged a chair back and sat on it. She noticed the two files sitting on the desk and two notebooks. “Which one is business?” She asked.

“All.”

“What? I'm pretty sure the professor didn't take this many lessons!”

“He did, you would know if you paid attention in class.”

“I do pay attention.”

“What were we discussing in last class?” He asked with his eyebrows raised.

“Not the point.”

“That is exactly the point.”

“Stop, just tell the important stuff.”

“Everything is important.”

“Be serious.”

“I am.”

She put her head on the table and groaned. She raised her head up and scanned his face.

“You have nice eyes.”

Grayson tried hard not to blush. “Thank you.”

“And hair. You're smart too. Aren't you a package?” She said,

“Are you…flirting with me?” He asked.

“Maybe? Is it working?”

“No. And no.”

“What is the other no for?”

“Im not doing your part of the project as well.”

“Please? I'll set you up with one of my friends.” She begged, almost.

“No thank you.”

She groaned again. “You're insufferable.”

“And you're a brat.”

“What are you, 50?”

“Can we look into the project, I'll try my best to explain what you should be doing.” He sighed.

“That would be great actually!”

_

While he was explaining her part and some lessons in the syllabus her phone was constantly ringing or a notification kept popping up, she kept answering them too. Grayson was getting tired.

“Look, if you're not taking this seriously then I'll just give your part, and leave.”

“No! I'm sorry. I'll turn my phone off, okay?”

_

They worked on the project and Grayson sort of tutored her a little for a while in the library everyday. Grayson realised she's a quick learner unlike most people. He was worried that he would have to explain things more than once to her but she understood everything quickly.

“Okay…so I worked on my part. Um, it's probably not as good as yours but it's all I can do, okay?” She hesitantly gave it to him.

Grayson read through and wasn't shocked, he was with for a week and saw that she's not really dumb. Just lazy.

“Well?” She asked.

“Well what?”

“What do you think?” 

“Think? You care about what I think?” He asked.

“Well, you're the genius here. And, um I'm not really sure about my work.” 

“You shouldn't. Its a good piece. Plus, you shouldn't be worried about what I think of your work.”

“I don't know, you're kind of judgemental.” Sge said.

“I am, aren't I?” 

“Uh huh.”

“Well, you don't have to interact with me any further. Since our work here is done. Hope I didn't ruin your reputation by making you study all week.” It was his way of cracking a joke which she picked up.

She chuckled. “No, it's all good. I mean my friends were making fun but I sort of had fun studying and catching up on lessons.”

“You had fun?” Grayson was surprised.

“Yeah. You're judgey and cold but tolerable. I mean who isn't judgey?” 

“I agree. But I only judged for two days. When I realised I misjudged you, I stopped.” He told her.

“Oh? What do you think of me now?”

“I think you're a nice person. You're smart even if you try. But your ‘friends’ are a bad influence.”

“Why would you emphasise ‘friends'” She asked, slightly offended.

“They always degrade you, and make fun of you for studying which you seem to think ‘fun’. Only idiots make fun of people for having fun.”

She was quiet. She knew he was right.

“But they're my friends.”

“Really? All they care about is when you'll post them on your Instagram because you have thousands of followers.” 

“No! They do care more.”

“You're not as smart as I thought you were then.”

“You think everyone is below you.”

“I don't.”

“Grayson, you said you know more about business than our professor.”

“Because I do. I have experience.”

She shook her head. 

“I don't think I'm above everyone.”

“Sure, name one person whom you think is above you.” She scoffed.

“You.”

“What?”

“You're not judgemental, despite this popular girl facade you're a really kind person, I've seen the way you treat the staff and waiters when we were in the cafe. You treat them with respect and kindness. The only flaw you have is self doubt and letting your so-called friends walk you over.”

“I don't let my friends walk all over me.” She looked down. “You don't even know me, stop acting like you do!”

“I know it has only been a week, but trust me. I know you.” 

“No, you're just a jerk!” She grabbed her bag and left the library.

He wanted to run after her and apologise though he didn't do anything, he just wanted to apologise to her to make her stay. He liked talking to her, teaching her, and she was curious during their tutoring sessions. She was funny too. But he didn't go after her, he just sat and put both their parts together to do the final draft.

[starmo]

hey! Big fan of your BTTF fics! I only recently got (back) into BTTF, but it seems you’ve been here for a few years, plus you’re an nsfw author in this fandom, so I was wondering if you might have some insight on why Mammett is practically the only ship with lots of nsfw material? The only straight ships I’ve seen is Marty/Lorraine or Marty/OC. Why no Marty/Jennifer, or George/Lorraine, or even Doc/Clara? I want some nsfw Marty/Jennifer so bad and can’t find it anywhere! Did it ever exist? Was it deleted? Hope you don’t mind the random horny. Just curious and want someone to ask/rant to, one BTTF fan to another :)

Hey there! Thanks for your inquiry! I am so glad to hear that you're a fan of my work! 😄

I actually haven't any clue as to why mammett recieves more attention from NSFW creators. Believe it or not, this surprisingly comes as a shock to me!

Though my allegiance is sworn to mammett (😂), I had been under the impression that it was the least popular of the ships typically associated w/ BTTF, on account of it's... divisiveness? For lack of a better term.

Though, if I were to reckon a guess as to why it's so beloved by degenerates (jk) like myself, I'd say it has just as much to do with the taboo nature of their relationship as hating mammett for it is!

Which is exactly why it doesn't surprise me that one of the only heteronormative ships from BTTF that recieves an abundance of attention is Lorraine x Marty.

Like mammett, Lorraine x Marty involves two individuals whose sexual/romantic relationship would be met with disapproval (because, y'know, incest), which just makes for a fun jaunt when it comes to writing smut fic. The juicier and more depraved, the better!

Aside from that, though there are many other reasons as to why I (and likely many others) are attached to Doc x Marty--I think a major contributing factor to the abundant creation of NSFW mammett fic is the fact that much of what we see of their on-screen interactions (of the physical variety, especially) is interlaced w/ homoerotic subtext, albeit (likely) unintentionally.

That and taking their age gap into account, and the time in which BTTF is set, when homosexuality was still HIGHLY frowned upon, it kind of makes for a deliciously provocative "torrid love affair" type deal.

And, I (personally) am also very much attracted to both Christopher Lloyd and Michael J Fox (hence why I've so many rarepairs involving their characters 😂) which only adds fuel to the "I want to see them bang" fire.

In summary, Doc and Marty tick off all the boxes for somebody like me (in both a "omg, my otp, I wanna cry, I love them so much!!" type way, and a "I want to see Doc absolutely DESTROY Marty" type way). I imagine people must feel similarly about ships like Lorraine x Marty, George x Marty, etc.

I guess the more canon-typical ships like Jennifer x Marty and Clara x Doc haven't as much allure to NSFW writers on account of the fact that they'e likely considered to be "vanilla"? Though I can only speculate on that.

As for your frustrations in this regard, I completely understand. Scouring the tags on ao3 or similar websites in search of at least just one fic involving a ship you're invested in, only to come up short, is one of the most infuriating things in the world.

I take similar issue w/ trans Marty vs cis Marty fics.

I am one of very few mammett fic writers who solely portray Marty as being trans, and that is largely due to the fact that as a trans man myself, I wanted to see more pre-op trans representation in smut fics; something which was virtually non-existent in the fandom prior to my contributions.

I also like to write smut fic for a wide variety of niche audiences; though some of the things I've written about and or plan to write about in the future aren't necessarily kinks of my own, I still want to offer something else to the fandom aside from the repetative "Doc and Marty have flowery prose gay sex in the garage" fics (not that there's anything wrong w/ those fics, but admittedly after reading about 6 or 7 of them I tend to go "but where's the pizazz??" ..."pizazz" being the nastiest shit you can conceive of, of course, lmao).

To this day one of my all-time favorite fics I've aided in the creation of is the one where Marty is a gas-station attendant and he and Doc end up banging by the dumpster in the back alleyway behind Marty's workplace.

Not only is it deliciously, viscerally filthy, but they (being Doc and Marty) are also still very much themselves; their affection and fondness for one another knows no bounds, and thus doesn't feel out of place even in a fic involving watersports, armpit licking and non-con kink.

Perhaps now that I know there is an audience for it, in the form of, at least, you, I could try my hand at writing some Jennifer x Marty or Clara x Doc fics!

I've only two WIPS as of right now that involve a Jennifer x Marty sex scene (sorta...); that being a fic in which Jennifer is present when an experiment involving some chemicals (of the horny variety) goes awry and Doc is in dire need of uh... relief--and a sequel fic to Nocturnal Emissions that immediately begins with Jennifer eating Marty out.

These are two fics that I hope to complete and upload at some point, but in the meantime, if you're curious (and/or would like to talk more about mammett/BTTF in general) feel free to DM me and I'd be more than happy to share what I've written for these fics w/ you! 😄

[strawberryscorner]

Forgotten Sins Chapter 9

Tags: Amnesia, Stockholm Syndrome, Drug Use (Bliss), Religious Cults, Fluff and Angst, Car Accidents, Family Member Death, Manipulation, Emotional Manipulation

Series Masterlist

When you woke up, John wasn’t in bed. You smiled as the thought of being alone in the house filled your head. You slowly got out of bed and crept towards the door. You made your way to the stairs when the sound of sizzling and the smell of food finally hit you. Shit, not alone.

You could see the front door from where you were standing. You weren’t even sure where you were going to go, you somewhat knew the way back to Jacob’s. While it was a longer walk than you wanted to do, he felt safer than John and the threat of confessions.

You took one more step, deciding you could make the trip to Jacob but the floor creaked. You heard John chuckle.

“Stop sneaking around and come down for breakfast since you’re already out of bed.”

You sighed and went down the stairs.  The kitchen wasn’t decorated as extravagantly as the rest of the house, it was simple…It was nice. Everything else was over the top like he was trying to prove something with his decorating.

The two of you ate breakfast in silence. He watched you but not as intensely as last time, which was good. It made eating easier. The food was just as delicious as the day before, which made you glad you were with John instead of Jacob. But once you were full of food, you’d have to leave… Maybe you could return during mealtimes?

“Can Faith come around today?” you asked once you were done with your food.

“No, she’s busy,” John took your plate. “Things weren’t going so well over there, remember?”

You nodded. She was having issues with her Angles.

“It’s just nice having her around. Maybe I could go around there and help?”

“You don’t need to be around all that…Bliss,” He hissed. “Besides, your shoulder is too injured.”

“It’s not for the Bliss,” you defended. “It’s just nice having another girl around. I could always braid your hair otherwise.”

His hands stopped moving as he sighed. “I’ll see if she has time to stop by sometime in the week.” Then he got back to the dishes.

“Thank you.”

“Just go back to bed.”

“Nope.” You got up and walked out the front door. You didn’t go anywhere, you just stood there, breathing in the fresh air and taking in your surroundings. You just didn’t want to go back to his bed.

The space in front of you was huge, seemed like whatever his interior decorating was trying to prove, so was the outside. You could hear John calling for you to come back inside but instead, you walked away.

You walked until you found a silver plane. It was pretty but you had no clue how to fly one…I think…You were pretty sure you couldn’t fly one. And you weren’t willing to find out.

“What are you going to do? Fly away from the bed?” John asked, coming up behind you.

“No,” you scoffed. “I probably don’t even know how to fly, it’s not like that’s common knowledge…Right?”

“No. No, it’s not.” He chuckled, shaking his head.

“Then you’ve got nothing to worry about.” You shrugged. “I was just looking…Do you know how to fly?”

He nodded. “It is my plane. Maybe I can take you for a ride one day but for now, you need to heal.” He took your hand and you allowed yourself to be led back into the house. “No more walking off.”

He stood at the bottom of the stairs, gesturing for you to go ahead.

“I don’t want to go back to bed,” you said, sitting down on the couch and crossing your arms loosely over your chest.

He raised his eyebrow. “Fine.”

He sat down next to you and picked up a book from the table in front of you both before handing it to you and picking one up for himself. You accepted the book, trying to hide your smile when you saw it was another romance book.

“You seem to have a lot of these,” you said, leaning back.

“It’s a…popular genre,” he said before clearing his throat and focusing on the book which he randomly opened somewhere in the middle.

You started reading the romance, it wasn’t a Christian one like the one he gave you last night, so you enjoyed this one more. Until you got to chapter three, where you started reading a love-making scene sitting next to mister-do-not-sin. Your body stiffened from the awkwardness of that realisation but hoped he didn’t notice as you continued to read the scene. What? It was well written.

Halfway through the love-making scene you were reading, John sighs and slams his book shut, causing you to jump slightly.

“This is boring, how are you bored?” He asked.

“Who said I’m not bored?” You weren’t. You were enjoying your book.

“You were smiling at the pages.” He studied your face. “And you’re blushing. What were you even reading?” He tried to peek over the book, to read your still open book.

You quickly press it to your chest. “I thought you didn’t like reading…Just a popular genre, right?”

He glared at you while humming before throwing his book back on the table. “Let’s go.” He stood up and walked towards the front door.

You placed your book down, memorising what page you were on and followed him. “I thought I wasn’t allowed to leave?”

“Well, you bored me into changing my mind.”

“You’re the one you decided to read,” you defended as he opened the car door for you.

You hesitated for a second before getting in the car, you watched him walk around the front to the driver’s seat as you put your seatbelt on. Odd man.

“Where are we going?” You asked once he had his seatbelt on.

“Faith’s.”

You smiled and leaned back, relaxing in the seat before turning your head to look at him. “Thank you.”

The drive was quiet apart from the radio playing one of John’s sermons on a low volume. You weren’t sure whose sermons you preferred. You preferred that you didn’t have to sit on an uncomfortable pew in the church to listen to John’s sermons, but his were so much longer than Joseph’s that you weren’t sure it was worth it. They went on for several hours, and you wondered if he ever got tired of listening to his own voice but decided he didn’t. John loved listening to the choir songs written about him and seemed to enjoy listening to his sermons. You could tell which parts were his favourite as he mouthed a few lines along to the radio. He’s out of his mind, I’m in the car with a madman.

You were too busy studying his reaction to himself to notice he had stopped the car.

“We’re here,” he said with a smirk once he saw you staring at him.

You quickly tore your eyes from his face and looked out the window, you were at a greenhouse. You got out of the car after him, your eyes scanning the area for Faith, but she was nowhere to be found.

“She’s here somewhere, don’t worry,” John said, placing your hand on his arm, guiding you to the greenhouse.

“Are you sure?”

“This is where she told me she’d be,” he held the door open for you.

You were only able to get one foot into the greenhouse before two arms wrapped around your neck and a woman’s sweet giggle filled your ears.

“Hello, Faith,” you said, relaxing in her arms.

“I’m so glad you could make it,” she said, releasing you from the hug before taking your hand and walking you into the greenhouse. She told you about what they were doing before you arrived, how the Bliss grew and what they were going to do with it.

The scent of Bliss had made your mind fog up and it was hard for you to follow everything Faith was saying, especially with the speed in which she was speaking but you thought you had caught most of it.

You felt John’s eyes on you the entire time Faith was dragging you around the plants, his hand twitching towards you any time you got close to the flowers but falling to rest by his side when you stepped back. Once again, the siblings had you torn, you wanted to stay close to Faith and her flowers and their calming effect, but you also wanted to walk out of the greenhouse, breathe in the fresh air and clear your head from the Bliss’ effects. You hadn’t had a proper thought since Faith hugged you. While you didn’t think you enjoyed being unable to form a thought, you still preferred being around Faith to the brothers. It’s nice having another woman around.

She was still speaking but you could no longer hear her, you could barely stand on your own as you leaned into her side, and she held you up. You dared glance over to John; he was standing with his arms crossed over his chest and his jaw clenched tight.

“Are we getting ready to step outside now? Look her, Faith, this is too much, she can’t even stand on her own.”

“She’s fine, John.” Faith rolled her eyes, stroking your hair. “She’s just enjoying her time with her friend.”

Her voice was so sweet and her touch so light, very different from John always dragging you places with his rough hands or Jacob placing heavy weapons in your hands or Joseph’s scary smile. Sweet and light…it was nice. You looked up at Faith and the two of you giggled together, lost in your own little Bliss-filled world then you felt John’s rough hand wrap around your wrist and pull you from her side and into his.

“It’s too much,” he said before turning and leading you outside of the greenhouse. You whined in his arms and tried to look back at Faith. She wasn’t far behind you, calling John mean and controlling.

He didn’t stop walking once he left the greenhouse, guiding you back to the car, far away from any flowers. The air felt different, he had you lean against the car so you could stand on your own. Faith kept trying to get near you, but John held his arm out, keeping her at a distance. You held your hand out, trying to reach her and he used his free hand to swat yours back to your side then he held your chin up, making you look into his icy blue eyes.

“Focus on me, princess. Come back to me,” he said. Based on the worried look on John’s face, it was taking longer than he was comfortable with for you to come back. But his hand on your face, the intensity of his eyes staring into yours and his voice were enough to slowly soothe you back to reality, clearing your mind from the Bliss.

“I’m back,” you said weakly, almost confused by the whole situation as Faith kept hurling insults at the man. As your eyes cleared up, his body relaxed which allowed Faith to push his arm away from her and grab your hand. His hand went to your shoulder so she couldn’t move you from where you stood.

“You’re awfully controlling, John, she was fine! Why do you all keep taking her from me? What did I do? I’m the only one who’s actually trying to be her friend!”

The last sentence caused John’s jaw to clench for the second time that day, “you know Joseph doesn’t want her too Blissed.” His voice was tense, and his hand was tightening slightly on your shoulder, causing you to wince since it was the injured one. He noticed and removed his arm.

“Had enough girl time?” He asked you, reaching for the door handle. You didn’t say anything, everything about his body language and the tone of his voice told you that the answer was yes, you had had enough girl time and it was now time to leave.

Faith was still mad at him as he helped you get into the car, once the door was shut, John spoke to Faith. He kept his voice low so you couldn’t hear what he told her, but you could hear her telling him he was being too harsh, all three of them were and she wanted to know why they were punishing her for nothing. He just moved around her and made his way to the driver’s seat.

His sister waved sadly to you as he drove off. You were sad you had to leave soon, you had just gotten there but then the lights from the digital clock of the car caught your attention. You had been there for hours. You were so sure it was only minutes.

“You’re not going back,” John said, keeping his eyes on the road.

“What if I need to?”

“Why? Why would you need to?”

“What if there’s an emergency.”

He sighed. “If there’s an emergency, then maybe you can go back. But otherwise, you’re not going back to the Henbane Region, it’s off-limits. And you’re not going around her without me there, got it? She’s not as innocent as she makes herself out to be.”

“Got it.” You didn’t feel like now was the time to argue. You had been very affected by the Bliss. You didn’t know what kind of consequences there might be for that, so you’d take not being allowed to enter Henbane Region or seeing Faith on your own. Those consequences seemed like he was letting you off easy so you accepted them and hoped there wouldn’t be more.

[mareenavee]

For the ask game (if you haven't received these already) 💖

7. A popular fandom opinion that you agree with

16. One of your favourite tropes 

18. Something you initially did not like but came around to

Hello, hello! :D AH Thank you for being here!! And for these lovely questions.

Fandom Positivity asks from this game here.

7. A popular fandom opinion that you agree with.

Let's talk about something that, in some circles, may not be actually a popular opinion LOL because like, in the tag, some people certainly have problems with this situation. BUT. But. Art has always pulled forward things like this.

Let's talk about

✨Messy People Being Messy People ✨

Or, nuance in reading characters in TES.

I am not a fan of hard good vs evil in reads of media so when I see a large section of a fandom discussing nuance, my little heart is just so happy. It's because as a writer, I find the best kinds of heroes are often the ones that make all kinds of terrible mistakes and have to resolve them. And the best kinds of villains are the ones who are doing what they're doing because it is, to them, the only way forward.

Not everything has to be cut and dry, right? And I think TES does a fantastic job in a lot of ways throughout the series of showing that kind of nuance.

Just for an example...hmm. Yes, okay! Morrowind gives us Divayth Fyr. He's QUESTIONABLE on a good day, but how many good days are there really in Morrowind? Not many. Not many at all tbh. He helps the main character, sure, but there is just so much fucked up shit happening in that tower and in House Telvanni to begin with. So nuance. Nuance. And the fact that not everything has to be surface level.

Depth of character is important, both in the source material and in what we, as fanfiction writers, bring to the table in our own work. How do we show these mistakes? How do we redeem characters who need it? How does one come back from certain kinds of mistakes? Can they ever? Why or why not?

I think there's a certain kind of catharsis in analyzing text in this fashion and/or reading more deeply and so...people who are as in love with the nuance of TES's characters and worldbuilding as I am are always welcome here.

16. One of your favourite tropes.

ooooh. I love this question! Mostly because tropes can be such good tools! Hmm. It's difficult to pin down one favorite. But I think...

Yes let me ramble on about @paraparadigm's Always Read the Fine Print for two tropes I quite enjoy her hot take on.

The first is Modern Girl In Skyrim / Isekai. I haven't really dove into the deep end of the trope, but the way Para has accomplished worldbuilding for Vera on TWO SIDES is fucking phenomenal. I am as invested in Vee's difficulties in Tamriel as I am in her past, her version of earth and the absolute t r a g e d y it was. Like. I don't want to give away any spoilers but holy hell, was it amazing. I'm rereading it now for the past timelines for ~clues~ in her sequel.

Next is Enemies to Friends to Lovers. This is specifically interesting to me because I don't usually see all three stages in full, or that slow change from each stage. And as it carries into GS, the nature of their relationship is just so fricken nuanced (that word again lol) and I just. I love reading it. I loved to see the entire progression so far. I can't say it enough.

18. Something you initially did not like but came around to.

Something, or someone?

Ulfric Stormcloak was one of my least favorite characters in Skyrim LOL. I think part of it was just the whole situation in Windhelm. The entire situation. He's supposed to be running the place and from the get go we get hella BS, we get a murder mystery with a serial killer on the loose and the guards just...what are they doing?? We get racisms said guards look away from, we get dilapidated slums in which they store actual people out of sight out of mind, and Ulfric is spending all the coin for ... a war? When his people are very clearly suffering? (Granted I do understand some of his point about the war. But the entire situation with the civil war is fucked tbh.)

That is but one read of this man, tbh. And I do, also, write him as a villain in World.

But you know who doesn't? And who shows a whole other facet to this particular character? @thequeenofthewinter. Oh here we go with more nuance :> I love it, I love it. Let me, for a second, plug her fic By the Light of the Moon, which is some of the first exposure I had to her work outside of WIP posts!

Here's a bit I loved about this piece:

If the Jarl is honest with himself, he has been awake more than he would like to be at this strange, in-between hour, and he has grown to both love and loathe its coming and going. On one hand, it is quiet, and it brings with it a type of clarity which helps him conduct his responsibilities in peace, away from the daily bother of the far too fast-paced cadence of his life. And on the other, well, he is tired, both physically and mentally. But this is his job. This is his duty. This is what is required of him in order to keep the people of the land he loves so fervently happy. He puts them and their needs first. His needs are always second because there is no time for Ulfric Stormcloak to be happy. It is very rarely that he indulges himself in thinking about his own happiness. I don’t deserve it, so why would I dare to dream? These types of wishes are for those who have more time on their hands and much less responsibility. When have I ever been allowed to be happy? He turns his head to look at the sleeping form behind him. If there was one thing— Ulfric shakes his head, chasing away the thought as he swirls a glass whiskey and drains it. He has no time for these types of thoughts right now. He has work to do. He turns back to the paperwork on his desk, watching the dark ink of his quill moving fluidly over the parchment he is currently looking over, a request for more supplies to be sent to the Snow Quarter. Ulfric sighs.

I just really love seeing the way things drift through this man's head. I love to see the anxiety. I love this sort of valor, of wanting to do better but already doing the best he can. It's so different from the main source material. But it's also possible. It's also possible. And that's the sort of nuance I do love, that he can be read in so many different ways. I used to dislike him. Hate him even for a myriad reasons. But now I find him relatively sad, except when I read Winter's work. Then I love him lol.

[asirensrage]

End of Year Wrap Up

I got tagged by @residentdormouse! Thanks for that! Now this...should be interesting...

Total number of completed works: Uh...do the oneshots and short series I've done count? Because I have no idea how many I did for that. At least 9 (that are on ao3)

Total number of WIPs worked on this year: Too many. 6 main and posted fics that are WIPs and then who knows how many started fics or oneshots I have in my files...

WIPs neglected this year: ...also too many. Including oneshots I said I would do.

Fandoms I've written in: Stranger Things, Shadow and Bone, Marvel, Jujutsu Kaisen, Naruto, John Wick, The Lost Boys, Divergent, Knives Out, Sons of Anarchy, The Walking Dead, Leverage...

Total word count: For the year? I have no clue. I can't count that.

Looking back, did you write more than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you expected? It was about what I expected, maybe more. I have a tendency to veer off track a lot but thankfully my readers (and all their wonderful comments) elp keep me on track. Also, and most especially, @vixenofcourse deals with me being a caffienated ferret and helps make sure I come back to my main fics.

Did you take any writing risks this year? ...no? But I will with some smut scenes I have planned this year. tbh I have no idea but I don't think so.

Do you have any goals for the new year? Finish something!!

Biggest disappointment? None! There are no disappointments in writing, only chances to grow and get better!

Biggest surprise? How popular some of my fics are.

Most popular story of the year? Overall I think this year it's Tammy Thompson Takes on the Upside Down! Though, on tumblr, my most liked oneshots are two of my dark ones: Wrong Number (Billy Russo x oc) and The Choice (Steve Rogers x oc)

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Personally, I think it's Caught in the Crossfire, but I also know that it's not everyone's cup of tea lol. I wrote it for me though so it's okay. I just wish people who actually read it would comment on it because I can see my view count but the comment count is exceedingly low in comparison (on both ao3 and ffn)

Most fun story to write: All of them. I enjoy each in different ways. I do love writing banter though.

My favorite part of fandom this year: Which fandom? My favourite part in general is meeting new people, getting to know my readers (and vice versa) and being able to give them something they wanted, whether they know it or not.

soft tagging: @chickensarentcheap @damn-daemon @bobfloydsbabe @nejires-hado @joaquinwhorres @kingsmakers and anyone else who wants to join.

[galaxyofhair]

BOTW/TOTK 3?

So since this is around the time was stragglers in the TOTK craze are starting to beat the game and spoiler tags are becoming less common--the question that continues to haunt me is “What’s next?”

Obviously some Spoilers for TOTK but I think my previous post sorta busted that door in.

On the one hand: 

DLC. I feel like there’s plenty of DLC opportunities for TOTK and I really hope it isn’t just another challenge mode with a motorcycle at the end.

But the big question I am thinking of is: Will BOTW/TOTK get a third game?

Points to Yes: 

Because like, that’s the obvious next step right? Most of the time a highly successful sequel like TOTK immediately begets an often disappointing third--and there’s plenty of clues in TOTK that point to what a third game might cover: The mysterious underground race that Josha discovers who are never named, the fact that Zelda’s time powers are forcing everyone to re-evaluate whether or not depictions of other Zelda’s are actually just her, the revelation that the ancient hero of the Calamity wasn’t Hylian--much like the barebones Zonai ruins of BOTW, it feels like TOTK is priming us for another lost civilization to explore and I would love it if the next game actually involved travelling back 10k+ years to different eras.

There’s a ton of creative directions you could take a third game, and since it seems like the developers are building a new canon for themselves based on the building blocks of older games my hunch is that a third game would have to include some sort of LttP style mechanic where Link travels into an alternative Hyrule throughout the story.

It would give the developers yet another chance to re-use the map of Hyrule--which I support for the most part--and it would be a really creative way to solve puzzles despite the time shenanigans.

Points to No: 

Could this end up as a Duology? Yeah, absolutely. For one thing--how do they top this?! Are they going to have vehicle building and mech riding in one game and then just... not in the next game? A BIG factor that points away from a threequel is the massive corner the developers have both written and designed themselves into. This game is ridiculously big, and ridiculously complex. Obviously it’s not impossible--Link can always get another maguffin that gives him a similar or even the same set of powers, and they can always (maybe) put the zonai devices back into the game (maybe supplementing them with Shiekah devices?) But at the end of the day the shear scale and complexity combined with the self contained nature of the game means that a threequel isn’t a necessity, and it would be expensive to make.

It goes without saying that even if a threequel got made, it’ll be a minute before we even hear about it’s development. Realistically another top-down game will come out between now and then (LttP remake would be cool and popular I think).

But even in the event that Nintendo decide they want another full 3D game with adult link, they might also decide that the monumental task of replicating and building upon the immense complexity of TOTK just isn’t worth it and the that the wiser investment will be to update the engine, and reboot all over again with a new hyrule, a new Link/Zelda, and a new story that isn’t restricted by two games worth of canon. It sounds incredulous--but it happened to OoT and MM. OoT and MM were wildly successful, but when it came to upgrading to the Gamecube’s tech the developers hit the bit reset button.

Conclusion:

Obviously this is all speculation upon speculation, so only time and updates from Nintendo will tell. If Nintendo decide to not make a threequel and they instead reboot it would have incredible ramifications on how we think of Zelda canon (I think the Timeline is/would be caput)--and if they DO do a threequel it would be a monumental conclusion to the new series they’ve built for themselves. In the meantime, I am going to build more Korok rockets, ciao!

[lenteur]

i really thought about whether i should leave clues or not, but i was terrible at them anyway 😭

of course, i want the people in my life to be healthy, safe & happy <3 i'm so happy your mum is there. whenever i was sick, my mum would be my angel <3 she would always feed me chicken noodle soup, bring me lots of blankets & chocolate <3

if i'm really invested in something i will stay up til 4am, i used to always be awake until like 7am when i was a teen and i would always regret it in the afternoon cause i'd be sleeping until 3pm :o i know exactly what you mean, i feel that way with a girl group i listen to. one member just outshines the rest of them and i think it's really unfair, i mean, i do think that the staff are maybe partly to blame but a lot of fans have noticed it 👀 i'm the same, i don't like drama. the only drama i like is drama in the show but if it's drama outside of it, i'm like nope. not interested.

i'm so so happyyyyy you like it!!! honestly, it meant so much but i really loved getting to know you <3 it was my favourite 🌷 you're so sweet, so so sweet 💗 pls never change, you're a lovely person ❤

oh so i'm either gonna watch the good detective or revenge of others, i'm not sure which one first. they're both kdramas <3 i think i've only seen three c-dramas (meteor garden, falling into your smile & a love so beautiful) i have a list of dramas i've watched and ones to watch and i tick them off as i go along :)

i remember you mentioning that one to me, i'm gonna watch that one after the one i watch this weekend i think....we shall see, i change my mind a lot about what i'm gonna watch

great minds think alike 💖💜

WE CAN SHARE CUSTODY 💘 i would have mentioned how GORGEOUS they were but i wanted you to see their faces first!!! 💎 OH MY GOD YOU ARE ADORABLE I LITERALLY MIGHT CRY STOP :( i have plentyyyyyy more photos of my kitties!!!! SEE BELOW

toffee tag

luna tag

oh please! you don't have to worry about your clues not being good enough. i am so bad at guessing things, even if the clues are as big as the Eiffel tower 🤣💔

the way you describe your mum is so cute and endearing 🥺💗✨ it reminds me of my relationship with my mum as well. matter of fact, we call each other guardian angel because of the way we always take care of each other ❤️ my mum is truly a gem, my treasure 💖 I'm so proud of being her daughter 💕

staying up until 7 am... don't remind me of that 😭🤧 I'd regret it so much but still do it. where's the logic? the favouritism in a group is unfortunately still a thing 💔 I just remember being a 2nd gg stan and during that era, the bias towards one particular member was blatantly obvious but I can't the one who received that treatment because they weren't the ones who wanted that to happen 😭 however, i think if you want to blame someone for that, direct your attention to the company because the idols have little to no power in the way they're promoted. I can still see that happening in this new generation (gg and bg alike) and it makes me wonder if companies did learn anything about what happened in the past 🤔 don't they remember how favouritism has torn groups apart? how it creates a toxic environment in the workplace? how most of the idols they're debuting are so young they have no idea what's normal and not normal? tldr; just stop it with the favouritism! I can understand you want to send your most popular member to make the group known but, as for everything in this world, know how to balance things... why do I keep writing novels for random subjects but I can't seem to do so when I need it the most? 😭🤧

tysm 🥰😘 I hope you don't change as well because you're amazing just the way you are (bruno mars copied me btw)

oooh! I've heard of those before hehe I hope you enjoy watching them 💘 and if you do want to talk about them, I'll pretend I've watched the show to fangirl with you 😏 oh so I see we have another thing in common? I also like to make lists of shows to watch but then I end up with a list of 6374848 shows before I even finished the first one on the list 💔 which is why now I'm only putting shows I REALLY want to watch in my list ☺️ I'm smart I know no I'm not 🚫

AAAAAAAAH IT FEELS SO GOOD TO FINALLY BE ABLE TO OFFICIALLY CALL MYSELF LUNA AND TOFFEE'S MOM/AUNT 😍🥰💘💗💕💖❤️✨ first of all, I'd like to thank heather for allowing me to share custody with her 💞 I'd also like to thank rose for hosting this wonderful event and allowing me to meet one of the most wonderful people ever 💘 and finally I'd like to give myself a pat on the back because I had some strong arguments that convinced heather 😹 (more like I forced you to share custody but we won't talk about it 😜) if you see me reblog all photos on both their tags, no you don't it is just an illusion 👀🧙🎩🪄 (putting a spell on you so you won't notice my strategy)

[annonniiiiieeeee]

Y’all hit the mail on the head.

@thenerdywitchofthenorth I love your take on the whole situation. Donnie is the god of madness and he’s lecturing Leo like there is no tomorrow.

Raph who has struggled their whole lives with his rage losing it is going to break something in both Raph and Leo.

Leo is going to blame himself for the whole incident. He knows how Raph struggles and that this is his worst nightmare. He can’t run from it as Donnie has him on lock down and Splinter has forbidden him from interacting with the mortal plane for a few hundred years. It takes both Caseies, April and Mikey to get him and Raph together in a place where they can apologize.

Leo thinks if he had just been honest about his relationship with Usagi none of this would have happened. If he had told his brothers then he and Usagi wouldn’t have self-destructed and Raph would have to e guilt of stabbing him.

He was always going to tell Usagi. He just need to find the right moment. He knew Usagi’s hatred for the gods but he thought if he could find away to break the curse then he could tell Usagi both news at the same time. Good news I can break your curse, bad new I can do so because I’m a god. Good news I’m not the god that cursed you, bad news it was my dads ex girlfriend and she’s crazy. Good news I love please don’t hate me, bad news, you might break up with me over this?

You can see how that’s a lot. But he was going to do it….eventually.

He should have brought his brothers into the fold sooner. Maybe they could have helped find a solution to Usagi’s curse.

Which Donnie does but is unwilling to share until Usagi proves himself. Maybe it’s part of Usagi’s test. He can take the solution to his problem now or continue to peruse Leo’s forgiveness.

Mikey is 💯% the only person listening to Leo in that argument but as we know younger siblings are ignored in high stress environments. Maybe that’s why his test for Usagi is a test of his compassion and care rather then a test of skill. He needs to make sure he is a good person over all not just sweet to Leo.

Raph is living in guilt city afterwards. He spends a year in the human world just sitting with the animals trying to find peace again. He can’t believe he did that. He can’t believe he hurt Leo. When the siblings decide to test Usagi it is before Raph and Leo’s conversation. The others have told Raph all that Usagi is doing for Leo, but he doesn’t know if he believes it.

The bunny that threatened them with a sword and then made Leo cry with his words alone. The bunny that enraged him enough to lose all control. Is the same bunny that is building shrines to his little brother. His little brother who used to have no worshipers and now is one of the most popular gods. His little brother who is suddenly the god of love because of this bunnies devotion.

Ya No Raph needs to test him first. It’s a brutal fight as Usagi has no clue he is fighting a god but some of the things this warrior is saying is to familiar. Not many people know why Leo returned to heaven or that he is injured. But Usagi is going to win if it mean he can get word about Leo’s condition. At this point he has no clue if Leo is alright.

@fatalflawsy I love the idea that wounds from gods take extra long to heal. That during the whole time Usagi is building up shrines to Leo Leo is slowly recovering. That it takes years.

That wound is going to hurt them all so much.

Raph and Leo finally talk after Raph test Usagi. He needs to make sure he and Leo are okay and that Leo wants that bunny around before he allows him anywhere near Leo. Or maybe he does it right before his fight with Usagi. Yes I like that far more.

The injury slows Leo down in their game of tag.

And yes Robin, they are teleporting all over the place with Leo leading him to important spots

The city Usagi protects/lives in. Leo leads him the the temple Usagi constructed there for him. It is the biggest place of worship for Leo as everyone in the city knew him. It is also an act of love and care that Usagi put into the commissioned statues and designs of the temple. He truely made it a home for Leo.

The city were they befriended Kitsune

The city where they befriended Gen.

Back to the city but up in the guest quarters were Leo would stay. I have their confession scene taking place here along with their first kiss.

Out to a battle field where they won a significant victory

And finally the forest where they met

Ree you don’t know this yet but when I write their confession scene I have Usagi hugging Leo from behind. I’ll explain why later if y’all want it but it will be a beautiful parallel to have Usagi finally catch him by hugging him from behind.

Though we can make this angst by having Leo in pain after they reunited. This is probably the most movement he’s done in a long time.

Thoughts @furiousjellifish

I am devastated because I accidentally left my Sketchbook in a different state. That I had a bunch of sketches for two different aus. Including one of baby Raphael with his kimono and looking after his brothers before they hatched. But the bright side I got a sketchbook where I can actually use my markers on . So I'm creating concept art as we speak which leads me to my question and why I tagged all of you in here .

Raphael with a tail or no tail?

@fatalflawsy

@furiousjellifish

@annonniiiiieeeee

[sanakiras]

BLOOM FOR ME. [TEASER]

PAIRING — finance major!mingyu x law major!reader

WORD COUNT — 1.4k

SYNOPSIS — even though you and mingyu share the same friends, there’s a clear distance between you. when you make a drunken mistake, he suddenly becomes increasingly aware of your lack of a relationship with him, and he takes on the challenge of changing it — not expecting to fall for the ice princess who turns out to be less cold than he thought.

TAGS — college au, slice of life, angst, strangers to fwb to lovers, fem!reader, minor use of the fake dating trope, mature content, inexpressive!reader

♪ — pearly drops - bloom for me

read the full fic here.

you and kim mingyu just don't work.

to be honest, you don’t think you’ve ever met anyone who didn’t like him or get along with him. most people on campus either wanna be him or be with him — which makes sense, ‘cause he seems to have it all. he’s smart, talented, and awfully good-looking.

and in hindsight, you have no clue as to how or why you landed in his little clique a few months ago, which is composed of a bunch of guys who appear to have very little in common.

all you remember is how joshua, a pre-med student with a soft voice and a passion for playing guitar, introduced himself to you as you were both assigned to help out with student orientation week at the start of the new academic year, and the rest became history.

you’re not sure how he managed to wiggle his way into your personal life, or why he seems so goddamn keen to be there for that matter. the same goes for his friends — chan, seungcheol, soonyoung, minghao, seokmin and mingyu. you’re closest to joshua and seokmin, though you get along well with most of the group.

soonyoung is pursuing performing arts, and he’s loud — extremely loud. you like his sense of humor though. chan does theatre and has mentioned he wants to have his own dance studio later in life. seokmin also does theatre and is arguably the biggest ray of sunshine you’ve ever met. cheol is a business administration major, a great debater, has quite the fire in him, and he looks great in a suit. minghao is more reserved — a psychology major. very sweet and polite, likes to meditate and is surprisingly good at martial arts as well.

and then there’s mingyu.

he studies finance, though he’s considerably less obnoxious than most of the students who pursue said degree. from what you’ve gathered, he has quite the range of talents, which, in all fairness, is pretty impressive.

the guy might as well be the complete opposite of you. he’s popular, loud, outgoing, smiles a lot, known to have a real heart of gold. an entertainer.

you find yourself at the other end of the spectrum. much more on the quiet side, usually only speaking up if you deem it necessary with a sarcastic quip, more often skipping social gatherings than actually attending them.

yet in spite of your closed-off nature, the majority of people closest to you are extroverted, always trying to pull you with them in their adventures, though remaining respectful and understanding when you don’t come with — because that’s just the way you are.

perhaps that’s the sole reason why your relationship with mingyu can easily be described in a single word.

non-existent.

neither of you have anything against each other — it’s just that, out of the group, you seem to have the least of a connection with him. you certainly never do anything together or talk to one another when you’re not with the rest of the guys, and even during the moments you are, saying you’ve had a proper conversation with him would be an overstatement.

for the most part, aside from saying one-worded greetings and goodbyes, you pretty much just disregard the other’s existence.

or, well — that used to be the case.

because there’s this dirty secret the friend group doesn’t know about — and that’s that you and mingyu slept together.

it happened only a few weeks ago. it was supposed to be a simple, fun night dancing and letting loose at soonyoung’s party, which he hosted right after midterms were over. everyone got drunk, including you — way more drunk than usual, it was terrible — and the only thing you remember is waking up in a room you’d never seen before, a bed that definitely didn’t feel like the one you wake up in every morning, your clothes discarded on the floor, and his warm body next to yours.

had you been even the slightest bit sober back then, you absolutely wouldn’t have gotten into bed with him.

it’s not that you don’t find him attractive. on the contrary. he’s sex on a stick, with his strong arms, small waist, sharp jawline and beautiful tan skin — it’s no surprise he’s done several modeling jobs for some extra cash.

but despite all of that, casual hook-ups with people in your circle are not your thing. they’re not his either.

neither of you remember much of that night. you two are rarely ever alone together, so it’s practically been impossible to talk to you about it, and you’ve never been close enough with one another to even text or meet up.

after the incident, you just continued living your life like everything was the same as before. honestly, for the most part, it was.

but mingyu likes to take risks in life. that, and being open about his feelings is just who he is. so he wants to talk to you, privately.

when he finally does manage to catch you alone, which happens to be right after you’ve walked out of your criminal law class, you’re not exactly welcoming to him.

“what are you doing at the other side of campus?” is all you greet him with.

“i’m good, thank you for asking.” he jokes in an attempt to make things more light-hearted, but you don’t pull a single muscle, face remaining the exact same, so he swallows and clutches the strap of his shoulder bag a little tighter. “i, uh... i felt like we should talk about what happened the other night. soonyoung’s party.”

“what’s there to talk about?”

“what we did. together.”

“we fucked. so what?”

oh. that’s a much more blunt response than he expected, even if he is used to those kind of remarks from you.

“well—” he cuts himself off, really cursing himself for not properly thinking of what to say to you before showing up outside of your lecture hall all of a sudden, “don’t you think it’s something we gotta discuss?”

“you want a professional analysis about how much i enjoyed it or something?” you ask with a furrowed brow. “not that i’d be able to give you one, considering it was all just a blur.”

“yeah, i can’t exactly remember much of it either. look, i... i don’t usually hook up with people i’m friends with—”

“except we’re not friends. i don’t think you’ve ever said as much to me as you have in this conversation.”

even though it’s true, it does feel like a slap across the face for a reason he can’t pinpoint. he’s aware you can be blunt sometimes, but this is more than people usually get out of you.

“fine. we’re just acquaintances. but we do share the same friends.” he says after a moment of awkward silence, his tone sounding a little colder than before, subconsciously trying to compensate for your unwelcoming attitude. “doesn’t that matter to you?”

sucking at the inside of your cheek, you sigh. “did your roommate notice me?”

his roommate being jeon wonwoo, the cute computer science major who likes to spend his free time working out and playing video games, always walking around campus with headphones stuck in his ears and a pair of glasses up on his nose. he and mingyu are both on the football team, you’re pretty sure.

“no. he didn’t see a thing. not as far as i know, anyway.”

“good. so that means we can both just pretend it never happened, yeah?” the smile you put on your face is so painfully fake that it makes him clench his jaw.

“yeah.” he mumbles bitterly, and you move away from him, going down the stairs, and mingyu rests his head against the wall, huffing in annoyance and embarrassment.

to be completely honest, he’s not sure why the whole ordeal bothers him so much. what you said was all true, even if you could’ve worded it differently.

many, many questions pop up in his mind. do you have something against him? do you not like him? if that’s the case, why? has he ever said something that caused you to get a bad impression of him? what do his friends have that he doesn’t, aside from considerably shorter legs?

he’s not sure what it is about you he finds so weirdly intriguing, but whatever it is, he’s discovered a fresh determination in him to find out.

read the full fic here. x

® SANAKIRAS — do not repost, remake or copy my work in any way whatsoever. translations are not allowed.

[wndaswife]

“Be a good girl and spread your legs” with innocent!cheerleader!wanda X reader😩😩

wanda maximoff & fem!reader

tags: smut, fingering, innocence corruption, degradation, piss kink, praise, sub!wanda maximoff, dom!reader. MINORS DNI.

word count: 1280

“Let’s go upstairs, Wanda,” you utter into the crook of her neck. She’s standing at the kitchen counter, cutting up carrots and red peppers for the two of you to snack on, squirming against your body as you hug her against you. 

You started becoming friends about a month ago, and lately after her cheer practice, you’ve been picking Wanda up and driving her home. 

With her parents always away at work and her twin at sports practices and tournaments, you often had the house just for the two of you.

It started when she invited you over to work on a school assignment together. You were so disarming, and Wanda found herself blabbering off to you about how hard practice was and how lonely she was at home. 

Wanda was a popular cheerleader, known for being a favourite amongst the school jocks. You hated them, sincerely. Her brother Pietro was always one to defend her from his otherwise brutish friends, and really, Wanda didn’t seem to be interested in them at all. 

It was amusing to you when you started making moves on the cheerleader. You’d go so far as to drape your arm over her breasts and run your thumb down one of her pebbled nipples, and Wanda wouldn’t have a clue as to what you were doing to her. 

You weren’t the greatest fan of Pietro’s group of friends, but you found yourself grateful of his protectiveness of his sister as any one of his friends could’ve taken advantage of her innocence. 

Pietro was also entirely unassuming of you spending time with Wanda because the both of you were girls. In fact, he was glad that his twin had made a friend. 

Despite how popular she was, how well-known she was at school, Wanda didn’t really have friends, which was one of the reasons she was so willing to let you take things with her how you wanted. 

Wanda mutters out, focused as she carefully cuts a red pepper into several slices, “Just let me finish here. I wanna make sure you’re not hungry.” There’s an excited little smile on her face as her tongue peeks out from the corner of her mouth as she focuses.

Your hands run up her sides and you grope Wanda’s tits through her shirt. She was still in her cheer uniform, but you had encouraged her to slip her bra off under the intention of trying to make her more comfortable. 

“Y/N, what are you doing?” she all but squeaks out. She tries to pull away from the strange feeling of having her breasts played with, but she only pushes herself closer against your body. 

Without uttering a word, you slip your hands under her uniform shirt and flick your middle fingers over both of Wanda’s nipples, and she moans out when they harden from your teasing. The feeling is strange and she lolls her head to the side and buries her face in your chest. 

“That feels good…” she whispers. You chuckle and pinch her nipples, making Wanda whimper. Despite her inexperience, Wanda jerks her ass back into your hips as if being a filthy little slut was innate for her. 

“Feels good, baby?” you repeat and kiss the back of her neck. 

“Mhm.” 

You spin her around and round your hands under her ass. Her legs wrap around your waist and you lift her up onto an empty spot on the counter. With her legs around your body, she uses the leverage to rub her pussy against your stomach. She knows little about what the icky feeling that throbs at her private parts means, but she knows she wants- needs- contact. 

You lift her shirt over her head and Wanda whimpers when her bare tits are exposed to you. She’s never been seen by anyone like this before, and Wanda doesn’t quite know what you’re doing with her, so she just continues to rub her pussy against your clothed stomach. 

“God, you’re so pretty, Wands,” you sigh out and lower your head to wrap your lips around one of her nipples. A whine leaves her and she arches her back to push her breasts into your face. “I want to finger your pussy,” you tell her, and Wanda looks down at you as she anticipates elaboration to what you meant. “Be a good girl and spread your legs.” Without even the slightest bit of context, Wanda does as you say. 

Her skimpy little skirt is flipped over her thighs and her panties are pulled to the side. Your fingers run up her sticky folds and Wanda’s breath quickens. Her hips thrust forward. She follows your lead and pinches her other nipple with her thumb and forefinger, to which she moans out loudly. 

Two fingers slide into her tight virgin hole and her walls stretch out around your digits.  

Wanda’s head is thrown back. “Ah! Y/N, so full! I feel so weird,” she blabbers. Her slick begins trickling down her pussy, soaking the counter she’s sitting on with her sticky juices as your fingers pump into her.

Your forehead is pressed against hers. “Fuck, you’re such a disgusting little bitch,” you spit. 

Wanda shakes her head profusely. “No, I’m a good girl. Y/N, I’m not-“ 

“Shut the fuck up, slut,” you interrupt and press your lips against hers. She writhes against you as your fingers pick up speed. Her pussy sloshes noisily and Wanda whimpers as pleasure that shoots through her body. Her eyes open and she watches the way your fingers disappear past her pink slit. Her puffy folds wrap around your glistening fingers and Wanda is completely entranced by seeing her body used this way. 

“Please, Y/N, I’m feeling really weird! My parts are feeling really tight,” Wanda tries to explain her pleasure. 

Your thumb starts drawing lazy shapes against her little nub and Wanda, despite her confusion, starts bouncing onto your fingers. “Wanda,” you grunt and kiss her to get her attention. She looks up at you, her eyes filled with tears. “Just trust me and let me touch your pussy. Only I can touch this filthy cunt.” 

She nods rapidly. “I trust you,” Wanda responds. 

At that, your fingers pump into her harsher so your knuckles slam against her folds. You pay close attention to Wanda’s tells, especially as she doesn’t even know what it means to get fingered. She starts breathing through her nose and whimpering like a pathetic animal, and when her walls clench around your fingers, you bring your other hand to the back of her head and position her face so you can watch her come. 

Her eyes screw together tightly and her mouth falls open, a long cry leaving her lungs. It’s impressive, actually, her fragile little body making such loud cries of pleasure. As she loses complete control of herself, Wanda pisses on your hand and you feel her warm your wrist and trickle down onto the floor. 

She lolls forward like a lifeless doll, panting against your body as she catches her breath. Her thighs are soaked and she hears her ejaculation dripping onto the kitchen floor. She knows little of what even that meant, and quickly comes to believe that pissing herself while getting her private parts played with was just what happened. 

But doubt overtakes Wanda anyways and she feels guilty. “I’ve made such a mess, Y/N, I’m sorry. I’ll clean it up. I really am just a disgusting bitch like you said.”

“No, you’re my good girl. My perfect, pretty girl,” you reassure her, petting her hair and kissing her bare shoulder. 

Wanda nuzzles her face into your neck. “I’m a good girl,” she repeats happily. 

[sulkybbarnes]

five favourite fics that I've written (for writer appreciation day)

Tagged by @brotherslynchs, thank youuu for tagging me 💖💖💖

The Very Thought of You , Friends to Lovers, (buddie, 911, 2.2k)

Summary: “Just making some life altering decisions.” Eddie shrugged. The movement causing his shoulder to momentarily press against Buck’s. Upon closer inspection, the look on his face was more resigned than anything. A little tired.

I tagged it friends to lovers because I know most buddie fics are friends to lovers but... this one is really VERY Friends to Lovers. It’s the most Friends to Lovers thing out there because they’re just [clenches fist] such good friends who love each other very much. The first buddie fic I ever wrote <3

Temporary Love , Fake/pretend relationship (buddie, 911, 5k)

Summary: “So you told her that Eddie is your boyfriend instead of just letting her down easy like any sane adult would?” Hen asked with amusement coloring her tone. They were getting the second set of drinks, but Buck knew it was more of a guise to get him alone and talking.

I had a lot of fun writing this one. It’s not often that I write other people reacting to Buck and Eddie, or put them in a group setting to play out the dynamics, so having them pretend to be a couple while Hen and Chim watched it all unfold was really fun to write. I also liked how the kiss and getting together part went because I was stuck on it for ages until @reyescarlos (Thanks Kim  💖) said “what if they talk about it in bed late at night” and then the rest of this fic wrote itself! 

You Can Exhale, Eddie coming out, (buddie, 911, 3.5k)

Summary: And so, Eddie needs to tell Buck how he feels about him, and for him to do that, Eddie needs to tell his family that he’s bisexual. To have at least one person from his family to back him up when things inevitably go south with his parents after both revelations.

Two things he needs to do, and they are tightly knotted in his mind. He could have told Buck first. Could have had whatever outcome it yielded to decide the next steps for him, but that’s not what this is about. Whether Buck takes or rejects him, Eddie needs to do this for himself.

The first and only coming out fic I’ve written. This one is close to my heart, I hesitated a lot before posting it and I really wanted to be kind to Eddie in it.

Take me to your river, Oblivious Buck aka friendships are very confusing when you’re in love with your best friend, (buddie, 911, 3k)

Summary: The problem with trying to woo Evan Buckley is that Evan Buckley seems to have absolutely no clue when he’s being wooed.

This fic is based on one of the most romantic lines out there which is “If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.”. Buck is so hopeful and oblivious in this and Eddie is Suffering because his flirting is being read as friendship. Between the two of them, they really are half agony, half hope. I personally think this one is very sweet and hilarious. 

You can have this heart to break , The obligatory dancing at a wedding fic,  (buddie, 911, 4.4k)

Summary: Eddie looks at him steadily, a strange emotion in his eyes, and Buck could swear he sees Eddie’s gaze drop to his lips then away. It feels as if they stepped out of casual conversation and directly into having a moment. It’s been happening frequently lately; one of them saying or doing something that suddenly shrouds them in tension. Buck thinks he knows what it means, but he doesn’t feel ready to confront it yet. He looks away first.

I just wanted to write something where you could tell that they both Know how the other feels because they’re best friends and they’re both patiently taking turns waiting for this thing to bloom idk it’s sappy and sickeningly sweet and has a lot of dancing?! I love it even though it’s my least popular buddie fic.

Tagging:​ @reyescarlos @emmerrr @sibylsleaves @starlightbuck @elisela @through-fire if any of you want to do this!! 💖

[trippedandfell]

wip wednesday

tagged by @gayhoediaz and @thatbuddie (mwahs to you both!) and for once, i actually have something to share! enjoy reluctant ghost hunter eddie diaz, or the fic that i will try (and likely fail) to finish before halloween:

So - step one. Eddie needs a new job. Preferably one that won’t care that he has the Sight, and also hopefully lets him see his kid once in a blue moon. He’s got no education past high school to his name, so any of the government agencies are immediately out, and he’s pretty sure he doesn’t have the right temperament to be a supernatural counsellor like Sophia. Adri’s still in law school, which he also definitely couldn’t do, so that leaves him with -

Sighing, Eddie opens up Google.

Jobs for people who can see ghosts is evidently quite a popular search, if the immediate list of results that pop up is anything to go by. Eddie bypasses all of the ones offering tarot readings or spirit cleansings - that’s really not his thing, honestly, and ends up, of all places, on Indeed.com, staring at a cheery job ad for a Ghost Hunter - Immediate Availability, Competitive Compensation.

Which - Eddie wrinkles his nose. Ghost hunter?

He knows, logically, that ghost hunters exist - most spirts can be banished by anyone with the Sight, but there are always some that take a little more convincing - but it’s hard for him not to roll his eyes at the post regardless. It’s just something that’s become so - commodified, honestly, all Netflix shows and YouTube spinoffs, most featuring people that have no clue what they’re actually dealing with. But this company seems legitimate, if a little odd - the address they provide just links to some random farm forty-five minutes outside the city, which feels like an easy way to murder people - but they’ve got an actual website and a couple hundred decent Google reviews, which is just about all Eddie needs.

these are almost certainly double tags, but @alimartins @henswilsons @eddiediazes and @hoediaz - i’d love to see what you’re working on!!