#no backstory just a bloke who does fuck all <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[mysimsyuri]

i think we as a society should make sonas for medias we dont intend to selfship w anyone in more.... anyway heres a fella i doodled while trying to figure out how to draw mobians again :]c

[yiiiikesmish]

it's been like 2 hours and episode 3 dropped so please (if you want to) enjoy more of my ramblings. all reactions are written as i watch and ngl it'll probs be a lot about how much i love river and that id fuck him in less than a heartbeat.

genuinely what the fuck is up with the french??? WHAT IS THIS CONSPIRACY WHAT IS GOING ON

probably didn't need to hit you but you're just so pretty when you're beaten up baby.

WHAT BOMB WHAT DID YOU DO DAVID.

ok no need to be a bitch david. catherine is a treasure and she's just trying to help you.

ok catherine is better than me bc this man has said i need to speak to first desk like 10 times and i'm just shouting at my screen going yeah we fucking know that asshole

you're being hurtful about my appearance. HES JUST A BABY (a very stinky unshowered old baby but still i protect)

FACTS DAVID IS A PIECE OF SHIT SING IT JACKSON

roddy is a disaster i love him. oh wait who's his girlfriend tho i wanna know

see i knew claude had some brains. work out what stupid shit people have been doing.

god rivers eyes are so blue 😍😍

i'm honestly incredibly surprised that this dumbass hasn't attempted to escape through like the roof or smth stupid like that

OFC HE WAS HER SON LMAO. literally only river could be like oh it's cool he's dead and the guy being dead is like probably not the best thing that could happen

pop off catherine. if i didn't know better i'd totally believe that she'd never seen david

ok what is up with hoodie boy. and that got dark really fast that knife popped out of nowhere. hoodie boy has a sad tortured backstory (does he have a name???)

what weird biological french boy army is this frank guy cooking up???

RUN YOU STUPID FUCK WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE GOING LOL THATS A BIG DOG

oh my poor baby he was so close to making a cool exit. you almost did it and that's what counts. CAN YOU RUN PLEASE the lack of self preservation skills is honestly something to be admired

david made his escape. WERE FUCKED YALL

WHAT DID YOU DO DAVID WHAT HAPPENED IN FRANCE

OH SHIT THE OTHER OLD MAN IS THAT SAM BLOKE

marcus babes idk what you're doing but TURN AROUND STOP DOING WHAT YOURE DOING

marcus you are an awful negotiator what was that i think i cried out of embarrassment

GO SHIRELY IDK WHAT ABT TO HAPPEN BUT YOURE GONNA SLAY BABES

LEAVE HIM GO SAVE CHAPMAN. oh you tried baby you got blood so good enough.

lmao ofc jackson just keep walking. OOP take that back he ran the french bred army boy over (and he already disappeared???? what fucking training camp did this frank put his sons through????)

anyways that's all for this week honestly surprised and saddened that i didn't thirst over river more but anyways... if u got this far thank you for skimming my thoughts. i'll be back next week for episode 4!

[words-for-holland]

Happier (4) | T.H.

Summary: Y/N & Tom speak to each other for the first time in 3 weeks! Tom is in talks of doing a new movie. Lots of yelling, painful pictures being sent. Harrison and Harry go on a trip. Does Kate finally tell the truth to Y/N?

A/N: Hmmm....seems like Natalie & Matt is everyone’s favorite/hated suspects. More theories lets hear em!!!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

Sanctuary

Its a word often used to protect those within a troubling world. For some it’s a church, a home, sometimes a family and friend. For Y/N and Tom, sanctuaray was no where to be found. Three weeks it’s been since the world felt like it collapsed on Y/N and Tom. Three weeks of feeling left in a troubling space that they could not get out of...until now. As soon as they heard each other’s voices on the phone, it gave them a moment of relief, but only for a moment.

“So...how are you?” Tom asks nervously. He wanted to pick his words out carefully in hopes that he wouldn’t upset her.

“Im okay.” Y/N responds quietly as she looks back at her phone. No message yet, maybe she was in the clear and that gave her a small boost of confidence. It was going to be okay. “How about you?” She asks back, not really sure how to carry the conversation. In any case, how does one continue talking to an ex without making it awkward? Let alone how does one talk to someone without the fear of being blackmailed.

“Yeah Im great...really great.” Tom lies and chuckles nervously.

Y/N could tell by the tone of his voice how nervous he was. A habit she always found to be adorable for him. Y/N rolled her eyes with a slight smile before she questions him in a serious tone “Why did you call Tom?”

Tom closes his eyes, letting out a stressed sigh. “I miss you Y/N and I dont care what you say or what you said to me that night, but this wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“I miss you too but things happen beyond our control, Tom. Sometimes it just can’t be helped.” Y/N responds nonchalantely, staring at her phone again. No messages still.

“Thats a load of bullshit and you know it. We were supposed to get through anything. Fuck the rumors fuck everything! This isn’t like you Y/N!” Tom vents out every feeling and thought he had since she left. “You say you miss me but then what are we doing? Why are we continuing to hurt ourselves like this?”

Y/N shakes her head, knowing deep down the reason why but could never say. Not unless she wanted to ruin his dream. She could never. “It’s not that simple.” She croaked.

“We would have found a way to get through it, but you gave up so easily. I know for a fact my Y/N never gave up without a fight.”

Y/N looks again at her phone, and no messages were to be found. Maybe she could tell him, and they wouldnt know, but Y/N knew better. Somewhere out there there was someone always watching her every move. “I cant do this right now. Goodbye Tom.” Y/N hangs up as she continues to cry herself to sleep. So much for sanctuary.

Its the morning after, and as Y/N heads downstairs, she hears soft laughter and conversations echoing through the halls. For a second it almost sounded like Tom’s, and she hurried toward the room only to be disappointed. In the living room was Matt and Kate as they made small talk awaiting for Y/N’s arrival.

“Y/N! You’re awake!” Kate exclaims as she gets up from the seat to give her a hug. “Look who decided to drop by!”

Matt looked up at Y/N and gives her a shy smile and wave. He’s dressed in his navy blue LBI shirt and cream colored shorts. It was typical high school Matt...nothing had changed with him.

“Yes I see that....I’m sorry did we have plans and I forgot?” Y/N asked confused.

“No actually uh I invited him over because I knew you wanted to catch up with him after last week..so I pulled some strings.” Kate whispers.

“You..what?” Y/N asked annoyed, her eyes glaring and her brows furrowed. If there was one thing Y/N hated it was blind dates. She had stressed that over and over throughout the years that she hated it, especially with people she used to have romantic feelings for. The keyword..USED.

“Cmon Y/N. Remember this was the time for you to move on and forget. Plus you wouldn’t want to send him away after he came here just to see you!” Kate tries her best to sell it, she had to...there’s wasnt really a choice.

Y/N looked back at Matt and groaned silently to her best friend. “Fine I’ll go, but this is the last blind date you’re ever setting me up on AND you’re doing the dishes.” She emphasized as she got ready and grabbed her purse.

To say Y/N was surprised was an understatment. For sure, she had a feeling this was going to be awkward in so many ways like any other first dates, but this...wasn’t too bad. Though she realized it wasn’t a date this was just two old friends catching up from the past.

She learned a lot about him and how his younger brother Steven was working on becoming an engineer and how his little sister Emily was also grown up and working towards becoming a physical therapist. As for Matt, he was working in the city too as an accountant for a finance firm. While they continued to eat their lunch at Chelsea’s Market, she couldn’t help but make the comparisons.

Matt didn’t dress up like Tom, didnt make her laugh like Tom does, didnt make her blush the way Tom does, didnt smile like Tom, and when he touched her hand...she didnt feel the goosebumps the way Tom would. It was clear. He wasn’t Tom and could never be Tom.

The date came to a close, but Y/N hadn’t really gathered much from it since she was so focused on Tom. Every word Matt had said to her barely made it through. She’d be lying if she didnt say the date was okay but she’d be lying even more if she had said she’d enjoy it.

She looked into his blue eyes as he looked into hers. Matt tried to lean forward to give her a kiss, but Y/N moved away. She couldnt. Not when Tom was still present in her thoughts and her mind. “Im sorry...I just got out of a serious relationship and well —” Y/N whispers feeling guilt in her heart.

“No no. It’s fine really. Maybe I was too forward with this and I had no idea....I’m sorry.” Matt laughs, feeling heavily disappointed. “I’ll uhh I’ll see you around?” Y/N nods as she waves him goodbye.

The next day, Tom wakes up in his bed still praying that this whole phase was just a nightmare he’s still having trouble waking up from. Today was not that day. He got up and dressed appropiately knowing that today would be a meeting for his upcoming project. He had forgotten all about it especially with everything going on. When he arrived and entered the room with Harrison, Natalie also appeared sitting in one of the chairs with a smile and coffee on hand.

“Jesus you’re like everywhere now.” Harrison speaks out taking the seat across from her, while Tom takes the seat next to Harrison.

“Well I mean I do live with you guys temporarily until my flat gets fixed, and I did get cast in the same movie as Tom.” She laughs pointing out the obvious.

Tom looked up, his eye wide open and brows raised. He completely forgot the fact that she was going to be playing his love interest for the film. He tried to recall if he had told Y/N about it before and if maybe that’s why she was also mad. Maybe if he told her now, that would make her feel better? Tom was lost in his thoughts he didnt hear the other publicists in the room calling out to him. “Tom are you listening?”

Harrison quickly hits his best friend to wake him up from his thoughts. “Huh? Uh..no sorry.” Tom confesses, looking down at the table.

The publicists, both roll their eyes in annoyance. “We’re telling you that you need to do a lot of PR for this movie in order to boost the sales, and recoginition for both you and Natalie. This means..you’re going to have to pretend you’re in a relationship for some time.”

Tom and Harrison are now fully attentive and furious. “What?! Im not doing PR for this. That is low for the both of us. We shouldnt have to fake a relationship to get our work across” Tom yells out fury burning in his brown eyes.

“I know Tom, but no one watches it for the films nowadays it’s about the image, and right now we’re trying to help both of yours and Natalie’s. You’ve been looking liek a depressed bloke this past month and Natalie is trying to get some exposure in the business.” The publicists expalin. “Harrison, help us out here.”

“Look mate, Im just his assistant. It’s up to Tom if he wants to do this or not.” Harrison speaks out as he points to his best friend. He faces Tom and whispers, “You don’t have to do this mate, there are other projects out there.”

Tom nods, as he looks at the room of people. He closes his eyes, but all he could see was Y/N. Deep down, Tom knew he couldnt do this to her. “I..I don’t think I can do this.”

Natalie and the publicists’ eyes shot up in fear, unhappy with the response given. They knew there was only one thing they could do now. “Ah I understand. It’s because of a girl isn’t?” Natalie’s publicist speaks out. Tom looks at her and then down at the table, as he slowly nods his head. “Yes well Natalie’s told me all about her. Seems like a bright girl, but believe Tom she doesn’t love you as much as you thought she did.”

Tom’s eyes dart towards the publicist as his eyes continue to stare down in anger. He was angry, pissed off that they could ever make that assumption. “Fuck you! You don’t know anything!” His tone set in anger.

“Oh..but we do. See you think Y/N is remaining as faithful as you after a breakup, but why is she already out with another guy.” The publicist continues. She hands her phone to Tom as he swipes through the pictures of Y/N and Matt’s date. He saw Y/N smile at Matt, laugh with him, and touch his shoulder. Yet, the one picture that broke him the most was the one where Matt almost kissed Y/N. While Tom didn’t know the backstory, he could very well imagine how it went. Everything in him shattered, and his eyes started to well up.

“Mate..there’s gotta be an explanation for all of this. Y/N wouldn’t move on from you that quickly. You know her..she wouldn’t. This is all rubbish.” Harrison tried to reason to his heartbroken best friend. For once, he couldn’t rule out Natalie. She didn’t blackmail Y/N, someone else did.

“Fine. I’ll do it.” Tom grumbles as he gets up and walks away.

The world was quiet for the next two days, and it almost seemed like a break from all of it. Back in the New York, Y/N was minding her own business in the apartment with Kate, when she got a text message.

Unknown

Answer the next phone call. ❤️

Y/N’s phone rings and it’s Tom. Her hands are shaking, afraid of what was going to happen. “Y/N.” Tom says shortly, tone filled with disappointment.

“Tom” Y/N replies, her voice shaking.

This wasn’t sanctuary anymore. This was hell.

“Tell me it’s not true.” Tom speaks out, needing to hear the truth. “Did you go out with another guy?”

Y/N hesistated for a moment, unsure of what to say. She could either lie or tell the truth but it didnt matter at this point she was fucked either way. “Yes.” She breathes out. “But — ”

“It’s not what I think? Right?” His tone getting louder. “So it’s okay for you to judge me with Natalie, but not okay for me to judge you with some bloke you’re with?”

“Matt is my friend and I had no choice in that matter!” Y/N yells out, unhappy with how Tom was confronting her.

“Did he threaten you?”

Y/N hesitated for a moment, not him but someone was threatening her. “No.”

“Then you did have a choice.”

As soon as Y/N was going to speak, she got a new message. This time it was a picture from Unknown. One of Tom and Natalie getting cozy as they walked out of a building. Natalie was smiling and Tom had his arms wrapped around her shoulder. “Yeah, guess you made yours too with Natalie.”

Tom was in shock, did she know about the him and Natalie. “Y/N it’s not what you —”

“What? What I think? Yeah that makes two of us, but you want to make assumptions? Fine. You look like you already moved on yourself, but moving on with a girl you know I can’t stand...that’s an all time low for you.” Y/N hangs up and throws her phone across the room. Kate quickly comes to comfort her best friend.

“He...he moved on.” She sobbed quietly in Kate’s arms.

“I know...it’s going to be okay.” Kate whispers. Tears started to also fall on Kate’s eyes as she saw how much pain her best friend was in. She looked at her phone and quickly deleted the pictures she had taken of Y/N and Matt. “Im so sorry. I..have to tell you something.”

Y/N had fallen fast asleep, exhausted from crying. Just when Kate was ready to tell the truth...the door rang.

“Kate!” Harrison and Harry said spoke out in relief as they hugged her.

“Hey..what are you guys doing here?” She asked surprised but also relieved.

Harrison and Harry looked at each. “We want to help find out the truth.”

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl​ @ifilosemyselfagain @hevjadams @averyfosterthoughts​ @fangirl-with-a-mission @drishtisikarwar @eridanuswave​ @ifntelyinspirit​ @trumpettay @astridcommings @parkershoco

[jilyesplz]

Hi, sorry for what is most likely a very weird ask 😢 but I've never read TLAT since physically I don't have the circumstances to commit to such a long abandoned and unresolved fic, but i love all your stories and writing so I read your TLAT fics too! I loved them, especially the fluff dribbles because you give them such delicious dynamic 😍. I read the first chapter of Potter and Evans too and I think I understood most of it even without knowing the backstory, but I have one question if it's OK? I know this must be selfish of me but could you tell me what's the deal with James and Carlotta? Was she the prettiest girl in school? Did he really love her and then she dumped him?! 😱

Hi! First of all thank you so much for reading my stories, especially the continuation when you haven’t read the OG? :o I’m honored! This ask is not selfish at all, although I do really, really, really recommend reading TLAT! It genuinely is such a beautiful work of art. With that said...spoilers are definitely available, so I don’t ~think~ it’s evil of me to answer this?? i honestly feel kinda guilty abt this lmao but...below the cut!

Hoo mama. Strap in for this fuckin ride. (This got unbelievably long so TL/DR at bottom lmao, but a lot of it is actually relevant to P&E)

First off, yes, Carlotta Meloni is the prettiest girl in school. That is her main character trait. Her main personality trait is knowing it. 

We....hate her with the fire of a thousand suns. Everything’s fine lmao.

So in July before 7th year, James and Lily almost kiss. It’s...wow. Just...WOW. But Lil is drunk and scared of her own feelings, so she calls it off at the last second, which James takes as 'nothing is ever going to happen between us.’ Then he pops off to his beach house as The Rich are wont to do. Carlotta is there, she flirts, he flirts back, she kisses him, he kisses her back, she asks him out, he says (Lily will never love me so) yes.

MEANWHILE, Carlotta’s best (only) friend Shelley Mumps has been in love with James since 462 BC, which Carlotta knows, but Shelley isn’t pretty and he barely knows she exists. It’s very high school. (TLAT starts with its main characters as very immature teenagers, and they grow a TON and become these lovely, insane, completely fantastic people, and then this plotline comes along to be like But Lest You Forget, Wow Are They In Fucking High School. It hurts. Jules is an evil genius.) Shelley hears that Carlotta is dating James, is furious at the betrayal, so she gets a tan (and a weight loss potion and much sluttier clothes) and starts trying to sabotage James’s relationship. 

Important background here: Pre-7th year, Carlotta was pretty universally despised by Hogwarts’s female population for shagging all of their boyfriends. So as soon as Shelley starts talking shit, a slow-motion school-wide catfight breaks out...which Mundungus Fletcher decides to monetize. Dung starts taking bets from the student population on whether James will dump Carlotta for Shelley. 

Ew. 

But again: high school. 1970s. James wants to shut it down, Carlotta says don’t because she prides herself on not caring what other people think (which James does too, but he understands that this is gross and awful. Car doesn’t care). Betting turns into voting on whether James��“should” dump Carlotta for Shelley. What the fuck this actually means is left intentionally vague, and it of course becomes a popularity/fuckability contest. 

Up to now, Carlotta hasn’t really done anything wrong in this story except (debatably) date her BFF’s crush. That’s about to change. 

James wants to end the voting. Carlotta again says don’t, now because (Jesus Fucking Christ, get ready for this one) she has made a secret bet with Shelley: if Car wins, Shelley will leave them alone. If Shelley wins, Carlotta will break it off with James. 

Quick note: the whole time, James essentially lets Carlotta make the decisions, acting as if the women are the wronged parties, which, yes, the school is doing a super shitty and sexist thing. But if the roles were flipped and a girl were in James’s situation, we would feel AWFUL for her. I just think it’s important that the school is doing a really horrible thing to James too, and the fact that he’s the James Potter, Head Boy, Quidditch Captain, Universally Beloved Most Popular Bloke in School doesn’t change that. Just because he acts unaffected doesn’t mean he is. James Potter is human. And God, what a human. <3

SOMEONE GIVE THIS BOY A HUG.

Anyway. Vote’s coming up. James rigs it for Carlotta to get everyone to leave them alone. The Marauders, without telling James, rig it for Shelley (because they hate Carlotta for a long list of reasons, and they love Lily, and they know Lily fancies James) (oh, yeah! Lily realized she fancied James on the platform back to school, right before finding out he was with Carlotta. Quite a gut punch). 

Carlotta...fucking rigs it...for Shelley. 

Fucking.

I cannot. 

I cannot.

Twat. 

In her defense: James is in L* with Lily, and it would be really, really hard to be his girlfriend. Also, she misses her BFF.

Not in her defense: Literally every decision she makes in this process!!! Talk to him you idiot bitch.

So then Car confesses rigging the vote to Lily and they have a heart to heart (well, more of alternating rants. They’re not mates). L says Car should tell him, but doesn’t tell him herself because she’s Lily, and because she’s worried she would be telling him because she wants him rather than because he really should know...really, she doesn’t tell him because she’s Lily. Car initially doesn’t tell him, they almost kinda get back together. She commits her greatest crime here: once upon a time, Lily told Carlotta and Shelley all the “little things” about James that she’d noticed...it’s one of the story’s first ‘oh fuck, L REALLY likes J’ moments, but way before Lily has come to terms w that. Carlotta....then uses....Lily’s little things speech....to convince J to get back together with her. Dude, she’s worse than Umbridge. But then she changes her mind because Lily has made her feel guilty so she confesses, and they break up.

Wowza. Sorry for the fucking novel. I have...a lot...of feelings.

TL/DR: J started dating Carlotta after L rejected him, while still v much in L*ve with L but trying to deny it. Lots of high school bullshit happened, ending in a school-wide vote about whether J should dump Carlotta for her ex-BFF Shelley who also fancies him. Ew, David. Carlotta and Shelley make a secret deal that Carlotta will dump J if she loses, then Carlotta rigs the vote so she’ll lose. She loses, tells him about the bet and he’s like ‘OK I’m done with you.’ She then changes her mind, tries to get him back, but Lil’s goodness guilts her into telling him the truth about the bet and they break up. So to your questions...yes, no, yes and no. Lil thought maybe he loved Car, and in Potter and Evans, she now thinks he does because she dramatically misinterpreted what Libby was saying—teasing James about how unsuccessful his attempts at moving on were—as bro-y congratulations/teasing for how fast he found a rebound.

[gothamdetected-a]

multiverse.

i know what you’re thinking. sim are you absolutely fucking insane, don’t even TRY to tackle this one. you’re right i am insane. and yes i am still going to try and tackle a meta about DC multiverses HOWEVER, to give myself on shred of sanity on this treacherous journey, i will say that this is mainly going to be about the multiverse from a bruce perspective. this ride is a batman focused train i’m afraid. also i want to state that this is by no means a perfect explanation – i’m a) trying to keep it simple and b) still am lost on parts of the timeline myself so. its what i can offer.

ok so, originally NCP, or the national comics publication (who will one day become DC), wrote their golden age heroes on an earth now designated as earth-2. in the 30s, just before the war, comic books absolutely exploded as a media format, and a bunch of companies all jumped the gun on creating superheroes. many of DCs most endearing and recognisable heroes were created all the way back then, however many of them also are not quite who you will recognise as the character today. hal jordan wasn’t green lantern, but was instead a man called alan scott, jay garrick was the flash instead of barry allen etc etc. don’t worry though! batman is still batman, and has been bruce wayne since 1939. earth-2 batman, as he will come to be known, is a bright kind of guy found on technicolour pages with a cute lil robin by his side – there is a reason for this. the war. literally NCP said we cant be sending out dark and gritty comics to people dying in trenches so time to make it colourful and faintly ridiculous, and bruce wayne is a surprisingly optimistic guy for a man who watched his parents be slaughtered in front of him.

of course, by the 60s, NCP (who are also sort of known as NPP and really known by your average joe as superman-dc, based on their most successful comic runs) had realised their timelines were getting a bit squiggly for their golden age heroes, and most of them had been replaced out by their silver age counterparts anyway. so between 1961 and 1963, NCP start creating another “earth”, officially designated earth-1, which would become their main planet for all kinds of superhero shenanigans. the justice society of america becomes the justice league of america, and when you think of batman, you’re probably thinking of earth-1 batman. at least pre crisis. and, once they get taste for building whole new earths, we also get earth-3 (1964), or “opposite world”, where the good guys are bad guys, and batman is owlman and instead of the jla we have the crime syndicate of america.  

so sim, what other earths did dc come up with? well, i literally refuse to list them all because it was a multiverse and they did not slow down, but the ones that are most important to me are earth-5 where the only hero to live on this planet is bruce wayne/batman, and earth-89 where lois marries bruce instead of clark ahAHAHHAA. but i can tell you that pre-crisis there are 91 designated earths, and basically it could have gone on forever. there was an earth-c minus, earth-124.1, an earth where everyone was reptiles, honestly it was a MESS. and therein lies the problem.

now i’ve just used the term “pre-crisis”. what’s that, sim? maybe you’re not very familiar with comics, or with the recent dctv version of said comics, and so i will endeavour to explain one of the most brain numbing storylines that spans DC. also known as a retcon. see all these earths with their own histories and heroes and well everything really was becoming very inconvenient and meant a lot of world jumping and who can interact with who and everything was getting like spaghetti because they couldn’t calm down on the earth-building. so DC (who are officially DC at this point, 1977 babeyy), specifically a guy called marv wolfman (coolest name ever) who was sick of so many earths, comes up with the bright idea that will later form into a comic run called crisis on infinite earths (1985-1986). it was a serious crossover event, really considered by many to be the first of its kind. it sold extremely well, boosting dc’s flagging sales against it’s biggest rival, marvel. and as for the plot, it’s a bit convoluted but essentially some bloke turns up and starts to destroy all these worlds, and it becomes a race between the heroes and villains as to who can save/conquer the remaining earths that are left. although there are crises before and after this specific run, pre-crisis basically always refers to this particular crisis event, as it really shaped DC for the next 30 years.

for a while the retcon does an okay job of keeping the number of earths low. there’s still some earths that are considered non-continuous floating around, but mainly there’s just earth-1, which is now a merger of the most important “earths” that existed pre-crisis, and a way for all of DCs heroes to now be in one place and interact with each other. other earths at this point include;

earth-23 (1986) – a small pocket dimension

earth-17 (1990) – we don’t talk about this. honestly spare yourself and. don’t look. its horrific.

earth-27 (1990) – a historically divergent planet with a hero actually called vegetable man.

earth-85 (1987) – a hodgepodge of post-crisis characters live here, chillin

earth-988 (1990) – superboy is the only hero in this universe

the antimatter universe – all of pre-crisis’ earth-3 villains, including owlman, get shoved here for later use when dc need a couple of villains to come back.

and for a while all is well. then comes DC elseworlds (1989). which. you know. i love. it gave me victorian batman. pirate batman. caveman batman. vampire batman. frankenstein batman. terrorist batman fighting against russian!superman. they even gave me marvel crossovers, with captain america meeting batman. it was a glorious time. technically elseworlds is not considered canon, ran outside of canon as a way for writers to explore those wacky kind of worlds lost to the crisis, which is dumb because some of the plot lines are both hilarious and incredible. but the numbers started to get ridiculous again. most elseworlds are named after the year that the plot takes place in, so we get earth-1889, earth-1938 etc, but even more of them just seem to have random designations. i think by the time they reached earth-5050 they sort of knew that theyd fucked up again. we’ve had zero hour, we’ve got hypertime and kingdom come, and besides, its been a while since they had a good crossover, so by the time 2005 rolls around its time for crisis pt 2 (because dc love to use the word crisis for crossovers) or as it’s officially known infinite crisis. infinite crisis has an even more confusing plot involving a bunch of slightly nuts versions of characters escaping a pocket dimension, earths being created and then merged, and a rogue ai which batman made and then has to destroy because his own creation becomes too powerful etc etc. the only good thing to come out of it was earth-0, or bizarro world, because bizarro & batzarro are my babies. don’t worry though, this new set of earths won’t last long either, as in 2008 DC conclude their trilogy of crises with final crisis that featured one of the most important events in batman’s history – darkseid “killing” him. yes the quotations are important. i’ll leave you to infer what they mean.

so 3 crises later and everything is still just as messy as they’ve ever been and there’s 60 years worth of comic history being tangled about, and marvel had already established a very successful reboot in 2000, and anything marvel do, we can do better, so DC do their first, full and proper reboot. unlike retcons before it, which is where they retroactively try to fix what people already know and simplify timelines & earths, this is like someone shaking the etch-a-sketch and starting fresh. back in infinite crisis an arbitrary number was assigned to how many “earths” there could be – 52. and so in 2011, DC go hey that’s neat and create what becomes known as the new- or nu-52. heroes are given shiny new backstories, everything is streamlined and wonderful, sales rise, DC has a clean slate to build off again.

ha.

yeah that doesn’t happen.

this reboot, also known as flashpoint, due to it being spawned from another big ol’ crossover of the same name, shows barry allen trapped in an alternate universe where everything is not quite right – his mother is alive, superman is nowhere to be found and he doesn’t have his powers. worst of all thomas wayne is batman. yeah, batman’s dad is batman. thanks DC, i hate it. reverse-flash has tried to change history and stop the jla from ever being formed – le gasp. barry goes to fix it, merges three universes together – earth-0, which isn’t a bizarro world but now the “main" earth, also called new earth or prime earth (DC), earth-13 (vertigo) and earth-50 (wildstorm), but also causes 10 years to be “lost” to these characters. there are now 52 brand spanking new earths, each sitting in their own universe as part of the multiverse. no one remembers anything except barry. even for a reboot and convergence of DC’s franchises, it’s messy as fuck. and it goes to shit very very quickly. people don’t really like n-52. DC have cancelled everything, certain characters such as cassandra cain-wayne are fucking ERASED from existence, no one likes the new costume designs, its an absolute shit show and the plots get very confusing very quickly.

so what do DC do?

they reboot again. sigh.

only 5 years after the mess of nu-52, they produce DC rebirth, a new relaunch of all their famous runs. brainiac does some magic and collects a bunch of worlds together and magically we’re all going to forget the last 5 years of comic hell. it is a reboot to retcon flashpoint as though that never happened. yes, DC are actually retconning their own reboots. talk about sweeping it under the carpet. technically “rebirth” only ran for a year as a promotional thing for the reboot, before joining with the larger, now-singular DC universe, however everyone still calls it rebirth because if we don’t give these things names it will get even more fucking confusing than it already is. rebirth also still has 52 universes making up the DC multiverse, just to make things even more simple and easy to understand (DC what is it with 52. why 52.) although lots of the earths in this multiverse have been re-designated – eg. pre-crisis earth-31 was home to an aged batman who fakes his death to go train a bunch of new vigilantes (the dark knight returns), and now 31 is an apocalyptic wasteland or some shite. a lot of these earths were re-designated during the flashpoint/nu-52 era, and even though rebirth was supposed to erase that, DC have decided never mind we’ll keep it. there’s also 7 mysteriously undesignated earths – ooh spooky, they definitely won’t feature in the next major crossover. also for a multiverse with 52 universes, they sure do have more than 52 : there’s the microverse, a bunch of universes collectively called “the sphere of the gods” where apokalips and like, literal heaven & hell exist, an innerverse???, dreamworld, limbo, DC are taking the piss they only said there were 52 earths but that means they can make as many other shitty dimensions and pocket-universes as they please apparently. don’t even get me started on the source wall. for the most part the writers just. don’t acknowledge this and stick to the main prime earth. for the most part. thanks for throwing thomas wayne as batman back into the mix, rebirth.

so that’s the last of it, right sim? eh, almost. it should have been the last of it, really. and then geoff johns couldn't keep his mouth shut and produced possibly the worst comic in recent history, if not ever, doomsday clock. now doomsday clock is a nightmare for an impossibly long list of reasons that i won’t get into here because this isn’t a rant about why i think doomsday clock is the worst thing to ever happen to dc (although that’s a catchy title i should use that some day) - no, the reason i bring up doomsday clock is because. oh my god even saying this makes me sad. doomsday clock proves that the pre-crisis universes still exist and are still out there. somewhere. canonically. sim why is that sad i thought you liked everything pre-52. it’s sad because it means at any point now, DC could bring them back, ruin their own legacy, make everything even more confusing than it already is. i love pre-52 stuff but you gotta leave it alone. currently doomsday clock has only established that these universes exist as a way to honour every era of superman, because DC didn’t want to completly erase some of the incredible work and storylines put into him as a character. fine, fair enough. but it does leave the possibility that they will try and return to them too. comic book writers love doing funky story lines like that. they think they need to write something that’s never been done before and instead of coming up with something actually unique, they just poke around in the multiverse WHICH IS HOW WE ENDED UP WITH THIS AS A PROBLEM IN THE FIRST PLACE.

ahem.

hopefully this helped clarify some stuff for people, especially those folks who aren’t big comic fans/expereience dc through the DCEU or DCTV, when encountering rpers who say they base their characterisation off of, for example pre-n52/flashpoint comics, like myself.

oh, and thank you for coming to my ted sim talk.

[theparanormalperiodical]

The Real Story Behind The Annabelle Doll, And The Other Haunted Dolls You Need To Know About

If you’ve been living under a rock for like, the last, I don’t know, 6 years, then you won’t know squat about the creepy doll phenomenon that’s currently haunting our TV and cinema screens (and at this rate, our nightmares too).

Even though this newer trope combines all the basic-bitch horror movie plot lines – and holes – worthy of scoring a solid ‘rotten tomato’ on IMBD, it turns out that there is a good deal of truth to these tales of terror.

And this is bound to continue with the release of the newest instalment in The Conjuring universe: Annabelle Comes Home (2019).

This film seeks to document her existence in Ed And Lorraine Warrens Occult Museum – an actual place where she still is – and centres around the Warren’s daughter unleashing the dark spirits (and/ or demon) contained within this spooky-ass doll.

And so, it is time to reflect on the real story behind Annabelle herself, and the other haunted dolls in existence.

#squadgoals.

But first, here’s a quick recap of the Annabelle film saga:

Annabelle’s done pretty well for herself.

She’s featured in 4 horror hits, and has even starred in 3 self-titled movies to boot. We meet her first in The Conjuring as an introduction to the Warrens and she is effectively used to combat a classic horror film trope: all scary movies start with the obligatory first 30 minutes where they introduce the characters, the peaceful home setting, and the references to past trauma which will be once again inflicted later on. Then they get going with the stuff you actually paid for.

But not here, not in The Conjuring.

Annabelle is used to give us a taste of the terror that awaits us once we get past the opening titles. And lord, she does it well. We also get introduced to the basic-bitch doll hauntings that go hand in hand with any horror film; doors moving, writing on notes and on the ceiling, the classic rocking chair, and any other generic hauntings you can pull out of your ass and type up into a screenplay.

Anyway, the story of Annabelle across the films so far is that a child called Annabelle dies, and the parents call upon all the higher powers – yes, all the higher powers – in the midst of their grief to allow her to return.

‘Something’ pretends to be their daughter, and upon witnessing such things, they give this ‘Something’ permission to enter the doll.

The ‘Something’ then proceeds to fuck shit up, and thankfully the parents lock away the doll with all of the protections necessary. Round of applause, everyone.

Cue entrance of young, innocent girls – who, just so happen to be orphans because tropes – who accidentally unleash the terror of the doll. That special ‘something’ trapped within Annabelle is unleashed and possesses one of the girls; she escapes, gets adopted whilst pretending to not be a demon (easier said than done, actually), and years later kills her adoptive parents after she hunts down the original Annabelle doll, and cries onto it to re-possess the doll.

This takes us to the first movie – which, yeah, it’s not great, not worth a watch – and ends with Annabelle being purchased from an antique shop, supposedly as a gift for the owners we met in the first Conjuring flick.

And it turns out that whilst the totality of the events aren’t completely true, the tagline of ‘based on a true story’ isnt too far-fetched.

The real-life Annabelle is one of the most renowned paranormal objects in the world, and her fellow haunted friends all seem to tie into the theory that is brought up in The Conjuring: Vessel theory.

Simply put by the Warrens, the doll (like any object) is a vessel for spirits and demons, namely those that want to enter you.

I mean, they could at least take you out for a drink first, god.

The films focus on this invitation aspect, channelling the vampiric vibe of being allowed in, and stick to the classic line of thought: the entities want your soul for a purpose to become idk alive again and no one really understands why but goddamnit it sounds intense.

And as it is a film, it sticks to a simplified version of the actual theories behind haunted dolls in order to cram in as many empty jump scares.

In actuality, there’s a lot more to the theories behind haunted objects, and the rumours of the objects themselves, than is given attention to in Annabelle’s film saga.

The actual theories behind haunted dolls

There are 3 sides to theory that we need to consider here: that of cursed objects, ceremonial objects, and a concept called ‘spirit binding’.

The film groups Annabelle in with the first category, but makes mention of the second group when it comes to introducing the Warren’s museum. Cursed objects come about when energies become attached to objects, and these vessels also are utilised in the ceremonial world.

The earliest history of haunted dolls sticks to this purpose, and its only when the age of the occult hits in the 20th century that stories like Annabelle’s start popping up.

Think effigies or voodoo dolls; anything that can be used for mystical purposes, was. It was believed that spells could transfer person to poppet, and were used to place curses on unfavourable community members.

This enforced binding of spirits to objects is the core of the theory, and still continues today under that rather obvious alias of ‘spirit binding’. Nevertheless, today’s process is rather more positive, and involves rather less-terrifying-small-children-horror-film tropes.

Vessels are laid out, and attachment or banishment rituals are applied. These objects can be taken with you on your adventures to ensure spiritual protection, or to channel some serious spirit squad goals.

And this is what the film gets wrong; the objects discussed here are spirit-based. Nowhere in the theories are demons mentioned, and even in the Bible it is claimed that demons cannot attach themselves to inanimate objects.

It’s this ambiguity used in the films to mis-mash the human possession and object possession together, and the ‘based on the true story’ spiel stops there. And speaking of true stories, it’s now time to discuss all the terrifying tales surrounding our favourite haunted dolls.

The actual Annabelle story

The true story behind this infamous doll sticks closely to the brief encounter detailed in The Conjuring.

Basically, a nurse is given a doll in the twilight years of the occult, in 1975. And shit gets weird. Think the normal hauntings, from noises, to the doll moving by itself.

Concerned, they go to a medium who claims it’s the spirit of Annabelle Higgins. Believing it to be an innocent girl, they treat the spirit and doll nicely. Unfortunately, shit gets weirder.

In a time of desperation, they turn to the Warrens, who say that this is not an innocent spritely spirit. It’s a demon.

The doll is then stored away in the Warren’s museum in a case from which the doll cannot be touched, and it is here that she still resides.

But before you turn out the light to sleep knowing she is stowed away somewhere safe, bear in mind that there are quite a few cases that mirror Annabelle’s story, and although they are rather diverse in the doll-spirit relationship, they are all creepy as fuck.

The true stories behind the rest of Annabelle’s Spooky Squad

Annabelle’s rival in the paranormal world is none other than Robert the Doll. This little fella is reportedly possessed by ‘spirits’, but don’t let the vagueness of this possession fool you. As the original inspiration for Chucky, this doll certainly upholds a level of fame among those intrigued by the paranormal, and the backstory to our least favourite horror film villain starts with a bloke called Otto.

In 1906, Otto was presented a doll – fit in Robert’s sailor’s uniform – by a servant who was known to practice black magic and voodoo.

Yep, that was a definite red flag.

It was believed that the servant’s worship and frequent summoning of spirits possessed this creepy-ass doll. Indeed, he is so haunted that it is rumoured that you must ask to take a picture of him, or you will be haunted by those that take up residency in him.

Next up is Lotta the Doll.

It’s 1972, and some bloke called Kerry Whalton decides to wander around an abandoned building because why not. And its inside this building that he finds a marionette doll.

A quick trip to the archives, and a chance flick through the library books later and he calculates that this doll is believed to contain the spirit of a boy who once lived an odd 200 years before. The building he walked into that fateful day was the property of a man whose son drowned, and his final resting place is inside this doll.

It moves, it emits a pulse, dogs bark at it and attempt to attack it, and paintings fall when in its presence.

Oh, and when it’s put outside, it starts to rain.

Another famous doll is known as the Paula Ubin Barbie.

In 1914, a girl fell of a cliff and subsequently died.

In memoriam of her tragic death, a monument was constructed, and in it was her personal crucifix and a rather large amount of her hair.

Following her passing, a local resident began to have rather peculiar dreams. And in these dreams, a little girl would lead him to a toy shop, and pick out her favourite toy – a barbie.

He took the doll to the monument, and upon setting it down claims he felt the spirit transfer into the barbie and it is believed that her spirit found peace.

Our two final dolls stick to pretty standard supernatural goings-on.

Mandy does the usual: you hear the sound of footsteps, other dolls are knocked over, and she even has her own display case. And Pupa? She bangs on the case, changes position, and even fucks off when she wants to.

Honestly, do they not know how haunted dolls are supposed to behave?

[theartfuldodger26]

For the prompt I'll be predictable: Harry Potter, Bellamort and Bellatrix 😁

Thanks for the prompts, @bellamort1993! Feel free to answer the same :) 

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

Favorite character:

 Bellatrix Lestrange and Voldemort.

 Bella is the closest to my heart, but apparently I waste the most         brainmatter on Tom/Voldemort, so *shrugs*

Harry is my favourite light character, he’s an admirable person.

Least Favorite character:

Umbridge, as is universally accepted.

Favorite ships (canon or non-canon):

Bellamort (which is canon, bitches)

Delphi/Harry (it will become canon, you just wait for TCC part3)

Tomarry but not Harrymort (nearly counts as canon judging by how often Harry gushes over handsome Tom’s face)

Drarry (I’m human and susceptible to fandom mainstream, plus there’s some fantastic fics out there)

Delphi/Victoire (cause two pretty, hot-headed ladies are my cup of tea any day)

Character I find most attractive:

Bellatrix, hands down. Then Voldemort can do things to me too, but Bella would be my first choice.it’s so nice being bi, isn’t it.

Character I would marry:

No one, I’m happy by myself.

Delphi can be my angsty fuck buddy with whom we meet every once in a while, bitch, get drunk, cry and fuck.

Character I’d be friends with:

Harry, tho I’m not the best of friends and he does bring an unappealing high mortality rate to any occasion. It’s fiiine. 

a random thought:

The wizarding world makes zero sense in so many places. They haven’t had an Industrial Revolution, meaning they haven’t known first hand the new ideas that came with it, and they seem to be stuck in the Middle Ages in many ways, even if they dont seem extremely Christian as these times actually were. We know little about the political system and their beliefs are so random. It’s really confusing.

An unpopular opinion:

Idk what’s unpopular these days. Aside from Albus’ name, I actually liked the Epilogue.

It showed what we needed to know: that Harry and the rest made it out okay. They found the courage to face their destroyed community and rebuild, even though they had gone through enough during the war. I think JKR said it herself in an interview how important rebuilding is after a catastrophe, how it can daunt even the bravest people. The miracles of Japan and Germany bouncing back and better after WWII are relevant real-life examples here. 

A married Harry, enthusiastic about hugging his kids goodbye on their first day of school, a day that to him symbolises a new beginning, is the greatest gift and it does not erase the pain he might feel every day for going through hell in his early life. In fact, it’s this snipet of normalcy what he craved as a boy and refused to daydream about because its weight would be too much,and now he gets to have it. Along with the nightmares and the PTSD and the new challenges yes, but now, in this moment, as he waves to the new generation that he helped create, he’s safe, loved and happy. He deserves it. 

Second unpopular opinion: I don’t give a damn if McGonagall’s timeline is screwed up by bringing her to life in the 20′s. Didn’t really matter to the story before and she’s a freaking badass and comic relief, which is the best combo ever. Is it fan-bating or whatever it was called? Sure. But if she makes the story better with her presense I give minus two fucks about when JKR originally said she was born (also, newsflash: people have the right to change HC’s, especially people who don’t shit about maths, like our dear creator) 

My Canon OTP:

           BELLAMORT

Seriously, I have screenshoted the details of TCC where it shows they’re canon.

My Non-canon OTP:

            Harry/Delphi

I know, I’m sick, it’s fine. *insert dog sipping coffee in the flaming house meme here*

Most Badass Character:

Bellatrix, handsdown.

McGonagall for good people.

Most Epic Villain:

Voldemort, we’d have no books without him. He can be dumb, but it’s cute. 

Pairing I’m not a fan of:

I’m not huge on non-canon Hermione ships, and anything with Snape is gross.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another):

…Snape? Not his character, but the positive light she gave him by naming Harry’s kid after him. It appeared she was clear on him not being an admirable person, but then he’s the bravest bloke ever? No, ma’am.

On a Fantastic Beasts note, I do hope they handle the backstories of all characters well. We’ll surely get back to this after the FB series are over.

 Favourite Friendship:

The Golden Trio, they work as a three-man-group better, I won’t devide them. Also, as a part-time writer I have to admire how the writing and dynamics were handled, it’s so hard to think as more than one person, not to mention three!

Character I most identify with:

PostAzkaban!Bellatrix feels she’s letting her master and herself down, and so do I. I keep looking for my former self. Who wasn’t much after all, but had some qualities I should recultivate.

Character I wish I could be:

… I’d like to have some Bellamort qualities that I lack, but in general I’m fine working on myself.  

002 | Send me a ship and I will tell you:

When I started shipping them:

After I finished the books, so that’s since 2007. 12 cool, angsty years. 

My thoughts:

I love them, they’re my evil babies. In fact, I don’t even have reasons for loving them, as most shippers do, I’d just die for them, end of reasoning.

What makes me happy about them:

That they’re complicately made for each other in their unique goth way. And that in the end they had a kid, which I think helped Voldemort out a lot with his issues with intimacy and emotions.

What makes me sad about them:

That they died *sobs hysterically*.

Also in the books they have like two scenes together. (HE SCREAMED THO)

Things done in fanfic that annoys me:

Seeing Bella’s character butchered down to a snivelling, slavish idiot, though these aren’t Bellamort fics usually.

In Bellamort fics, it feels like a cheat when it says Bellamort but it’s just Bella pining and Voldemort really not caring. I don’t have a problem with the POV, but it needs to be tagged as unrequited. Otherwise I’m open to perspectives.

Things I look for in fanfic:

Good writing, mostly.

I’m also a huge fan of Muggle!AU’s, so if you have that, I’ll read it, no questions asked XD

My wishlist:

On Amazon? :P Fine, I’ll show myself out

I presume this means wishlist on fics/art with these two, but do correct me if I’m wrong. I dont have one, since I write myself, so whatever I want to read, I write. Right now I’m eager to finish the following Bellamort fics:

1. Harry finds out about Bellamort via looking through Voldy’s stuff.

2. BellaDiesButVoldyWins!AU

3. Voldemort discovers his breastfeeding kink

4. A therewasonlyonebed!fic 

5. Tomarry turns Bellamort in Easter setting, Muggle!AU, Harry wets himself in the process

In general I’d say I’d like to see more classic, tropy fanfics with these two, lighter ones, you know. Angst is great, but let us enjoy the coffeeshop!AU too.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

Alone and miserable.

I guess Bella would have been okay with Rodolphus, had Tom/Voldemort never been born.

And Voldemort/Tom would have been fine too with some nameless pretty woman he did not love but had to marry to keep face.

But I think that they would have never been truly happy with anyone else. especially Tom, he’d never be really comfortable with anyone.

My happily ever after for them:

VoldemortWins!AU, they conquer Europe, Bella is Minister for War, Voldemort the Emperor. Maybe they have a kid, maybe a couple more or none at all, who cares, the point is they live and fulfull their dreams of revolutionising the Wizarding Wolrd.

I also have a sappy afterlife!AU where for a while Bella is imprisoned at the family castle for having a halfblood little bastard, goes half-insane as Voldemort seacrhes for her (they had a spat right after they got there), and Delphi kills herself and goes to find her dad in small-child form. They finally get tgether and live deathly ever after in some Norwegian fjord in the frozen tundra. (it’s also my personal happy ending, only it’s cats and snakes)

003 | Give me a character & I will tell you:

How I feel about this character:

I love Bella. She’s a bitch and a sadist, but I love her.

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character:

The one and only, his majesty the Dark Lord himself.

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character:

Rodolphus, he’s her only friend.

Also, sad HC: Bella was very close to Andromeda until she got too involved with Voldemort and his cause, and they drifted apart. No one wept harder than Bella after Andy left, and it was her who spent days banging on the Tonks’ door to let them speak to her. Voldy could squeeze tears out of his shirt after she fell asleep on him crying about it.

My unpopular opinion about this character:

Again, not sure about what’s unpopular.

I believe she suffers from genuine mental illness that tortures her a lot and makes her life (and her shared life with Voldemort too) very hard. Also I find her more self-doubting and reserved than most authors, hard working and largely indifferent to people who aren’t Voldemort.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

Actual romantic scene would have been nice, but HE SCREAMED after all. Let’s not ask for too much.

Favorite friendship for this character:

Rodolphus and Andromeda. Recently I’ve started Brotp-ing Sirius with Bella too, before they parted ways.

My crossover ship:

I don’t really have any other fandoms, sorry.

Well, that was fun! Thanks again!

[joshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

Top 10 Genderless Characters – One Per Franchise

Yep, one of these again. This time I’m going with characters who have no canon gender, belong to a race that doesn’t have different genders, are robots, are canonically nonbinary, etc. Like half the characters on this list are usually referred to with masculine pronouns but shhhhhhh they’re still technically genderless. A bit harder this time since there are less characters like this, but a fun challenge nonetheless.

1. Metal Sonic (Sonic the Hedgehog)

Metal Sonic is a robot and thus does not have a gender. Anyway, Metal Sonic probably deserves the number 1 spot. This blog doesn’t really tell you it, but I’m an absolutely massive Sonic fan and have been for the majority of my time as a living breathing human being. And fuck if Metal Sonic isn’t a fucking awesome and badass antagonist. The OVA especially has a particularly terrifying Metal Sonic, though Mania, Mania Adventures, and IDW are doing an excellent job with him as well. Metal Sonic gets on here due to being such an excellent and generally consistent foil to Sonic. Every other rival he has is a good guy, but Metal is always a terrifying and deadly opposition. Plus, there’s that legitimately intimidating design, and we all know Neo Metal is a badass. If we don’t get Shadow as an Echo for Sonic in Smash Ultimate, I want to see Metal take the cake.

2. Kyubey (Puella Magi Madoka Magica)

Maybe the cutest character on this list, in spite of his terrifying stare and creepy unmoving mouth, Kyubey is one godsend of an effective villain. Kyubey takes a utilitarian approach to getting what it wants from the girls, lying by omission and never giving the full details to anyone, showing up at the worst of times to put massive pressure on them into becoming magical girls, and just all around being a terrifying asshole. However, there’s also that debate of what Kyubey does ultimately being for the greater good, and he is kinda right in saying he gets consent from the girls. Really, if he told the girls the full details of being a magical girl and what witches are and stuff, we wouldn’t even call him a villain. Post anime but pre-Rebellion but not quite Wraith Arc even shows us that Kyubey could hypothetically be an okay bloke. Kyubey’s a terrifying antagonist and I gotta give massive props to Urobuchi and Shinbo for taking Ume Aoki’s adorable magical girl animal and making me want to kick the shit out of it.

3. Nanachi (Made in Abyss)

If you’ve not seen Made in Abyss by now, what the fuck are you doing? Bro Nanachi’s not just any old “good character”, they’re the best character from 2017, period. Nanachi is such a wonderful character to introduce at that point in the story where they were introduced, and everything about them is crafted with such exquisite detail and it’s incredible. I genuinely don’t know what to say about Nanachi other than fuck what an effective and excellent character. Everything about the backstory justifies the character we see in the now, and when Nanachi convinces Reg to do the thing and then before Reg does the thing they run over to MItty and just fucking burst into tears, that scene hurts, it hurts so much. The emotional payoff is both so great and so, so, so deeply upsetting. You probably don’t need to look very far to find college theses on why Nanachi’s so great, so do that if you feel like it.

4. Frieza (Dragon Ball)

Frieza is the embodiment of the absolute fucking glorious bastard villain. Frieza sits right in the pure evil cunt category, gleefully killing millions with nothing but a smirk and a Death Ball. The way Frieza terrifies everyone in every scene he’s in is just wonderful, and even when he’s seemingly an “anti-hero” in the ToP, you can genuinely never trust him, even right up to the very end I wasn’t sure how on Universe 7’s side he was. He’s a treacherous fuck and I can respect that. Don’t forget his incredible design and voice. Be it Japanese or English you’re getting a good Frieza. Also, pushing Goku to Super Saiyan? Widely regarded as one of the single most hype moments in Dragon Ball? Frieza gets on this list for that alone, man.

5. Mewtwo (Pokémon)

Mewtwo’s my second favourite Pokémon, but Crobat can be male or female sooooo. Anyway, Mewtwo’s wonderful. Awesome design, awesome Mega Evolutions, awesome in the first movie, my secondary in Sm4sh, etc. We all know and love Mewtwo man, I don’t know what else to say. It’s just such a fucking badass. Plus its voice in movie 1? Epic. Its backstory? Really fucking cool and nicely detailed. The armour it wears in movie 1? Christ, can I have a set of it? I fucking love Mewtwo my man.

6. Star Platinum (JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure)

Stands don’t have genders. Anyway, Star Platinum is kinda just Jotaro’s stand, so he doesn’t exactly have a personality or character to speak of and I can only really say I love him because his design is awesome (I love the white scarf in Diamond is Unbreakable) and he’s connected to Jotaro, who I adore. But this isn’t about Jotaro so I’ve kinda said all I can say.

7. Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe)

I’ve said before I’m not nearly as into SU as I used to be and also I’m way behind so I don’t know what the fuck happened between Lapis and the barn in that one episode post Lars-death but that doesn’t matter, because what I have seen of Lapis is fun and I like her and she’s pretty and she’s got a nice voice and I shipped Lapidot. Maybe I should rewatch SU. I know Lapis is controversial because the fandom is a hellhole but I really don’t care, Jasper’s a dick anyway.

8. Napstablook (Undertale)

I used to be super into Undertale and I still respect what the game is and stuff, and I’ll probably buy it on Switch too. Anyway, I always really liked Napstablook. They’re funny, quirky, cute, endearing, etc. If you can’t tell by now, I’m really struggling with what to write in these.

9. Yui (Sword Art Online)

Yui’s an A.I. Kirito and Asuna can call her their “daughter” all they want but really, she doesn’t have a gender, even if I’m going to continue using feminine pronouns. Anyway, Yui’s kinda an awful character and embodies many of SAO’s several problems, but she looks and sounds cute. Plus when I was rewatching SAO with @meme-emperor we started joking that Kirito’s a lolicon and he’s super into Yui and that was funny and I guess it made us like both characters more, or maybe it just made me like both of them more. I dunno. These sorts of posts are hard to write, man.

10. Bender (Futurama)

You know what’s gonna happen is shortly after I post this list, I’ll come across 800 million genderless characters that should totally belong on this list. Anyway, I’m not really a Futurama fan by any means, but I liked the episodes I have seen and Bender’s my favourite because he’s funny and stuff. Apparently he’s also just a really solid and well developed character but I can’t really comment too well on that. He’s cool though.

Well, the end. That was hell. I reached real hard with this.

[confidence-i-like-it]

Day of Atonement

Man of the match: Alexander ‘fuck you l’ll tell your secret to whoever I fucking damn please’ Lightwood

Man of the match, the participation award: Jace ‘imma hold this branch up for my special lady friend, that’ll surely impress her, wouldn’t want her to have to take a step to the side unnecessarily’ Herondale. 

HBIC: Izzy why waste time being humble when you know damn well who the ‘best shadowhunter’ is Lightwood

Simon: While I am so here for underrepresented religious holidays getting recognition walla what do I need to do for some mainstream, casual islam rep, the Yom Kippur story line really slowed down all the momentum the Clace and Alec/Robert story lines were building up. The Simon storyline of last episode at least developed the NY downworlder scene a bit more, thus keeping it tied in with the show as a whole, while this storyline was just all alone on a deserted island, if that makes sense?

Re:Jonathan’s appearance: So he didn’t get burned in the staged manor fire? He does have personal motivation for keeping the Sebastian glamour? Adding another dimension to this character while his arc has just begun? So they didn’t necessarily ruin, but instead are building a new backstory for Jonathan?  I mean, I don’t want to be that person that smugly says ‘told you so’ but I did tell y’all so shushhh with the whiny ‘but in the books’, ‘but it’s supposed to go like this instead’ horsecrap kthnxbye 

Clace: I felt their plot in Idris really suffered lack of screentime, and thus development. They used the bare minimum to make the narrative kind of work: 1. Clary ignores Jace. 2. Clace goes on adventure! 3. Oh noes, Clary hallucinates?! 4. Tf that’s a mfing Ithuriel, wasn’t he an old wrinkly bloke before? 5. Jace saves the day in the most Romantic™ way possible (notable guest star: a super cheesy line to compliment lusty stares) 6. Jace sorta kinda ignores Clary when she reaches out to him for a change + teaser for upcoming episode. I think I would rather have had them use more time on them this episode and thus making it a Clace episode to the max, even if that’d mean another Claceless episode like 2x15 to balance it out. 

Clary: Example of how they could have expanded the Clace plot: have Clary’s hallucination be a more extended, gradual process. They could have used this opportunity to explore Clary’s feelings, hopes, fears etc beyond her calling out for Jace. They hinted at what’s beyond the surface with her when Sebastian triggered her rune ability by yelling at her about her mother and brother, and I hope to see more of that. 

Steles: I’d demand a refund. Fucking hell. Do the Iron Sisters make them? They don’t really seem the type to have a return policy, do they? How did Shadowhunters survive this long when a (UK) size 5-6 can break it into smithereens. 

[petepepsi]

My First Fanfiction (AKA: Why Did I Think of This When I was Nine Years Old What the Heck)

A bit of background first:

When I was in like 3rd/4th/5th grade, Phineas and Ferb was the greatest thing in the entire world (followed by Smash Bros and pumpkin pie, respectively). I loved that show more than anything ever.

During this point in my life, I also discovered ~*~the internet~*~. Once on ~*~the internet~*~, it was rather inevitable that I would look up Phineas and Ferb on Google Image Search.

One glorious day, I found a picture I really liked. So, wanting to get a better look, I clicked on it. It was at that point that I discovered something that would change my life forever.

KictserAsh on Deviantart. AKA imaginashon on tumblr, but little wee baby Skyler didn’t know what Tumblr was (thank god). AKA: Literally the Biggest Inspiration in my Whole Damn Life. (and now they work on mml ain’t that neat)

I went through their ENTIRE Phineas and Ferb gallery, loving every single piece. I also found some of their written work, and oh boy you bet little Skyler LOVED that.

So I read like everything on their account. And those stories inspired me. They still do, actually (and so does their art everything they make is really good you should go look at their blog/gallery please).

So here’s where we get into the fanfiction (adding a readmore b/c this is about the get REALLY LONG)

TW: talk of death, and swearing.

To put this story into EXTREMELY simple terms, the plot goes as follows: (sidenote: characters are like 16 in this) Ferb dies, and Phineas’s friends help him get back on his feet afterwards (along with a more supernatural friend).

Now, you’re probably thinking: “Skyler, that’s not too weird of a fanfiction.”

That’s where you’re wrong, but I’ll get to that later.

You see, the story begins at Ferb’s funeral (loosely inspired by the fact that I had recently gone to a funeral, so this was pretty legit). Very well-described, from what I remember. The family gave little speeches, it was nice.

Then, the next chapter was Phineas at home (alone) in his room at like four in the morning. This was when we found out how Ferb died. It was some kind of industrial accident (a giant machine fell on him yikes). It was the “project of the day” that P and F were working on that caused Ferb to fuckin die. This part I remember the least about when it comes to the specifics, but I do remember reading it over again in 7th grade (before the computer I wrote this on became deader than Ferb) and thinking that the scene sounded “vaguely like someone contemplating suicide, but in a more child-friendly way.”

The next chapter took place about a week later, from the perspective of Phineas’s friends (Baljeet, Buford, Isabella, and Django i don’t know why Django was there instead of any other character shut up) They were all going to visit Phineas, because “he hadn’t left his house in over a week” and, apparently, that was very unlike him. So they go up to the house, and there’s a tiny little description of the backyard, where, I shit you not, I wrote: “There was still blood on the grass.”

So cut to later that chapter, and Phin’s pals are trying to help him out, but he’s having none of it. He locked himself in his room, and won’t talk to anyone (except in depressed sighs).

Here comes the best scene of the whole story.

So during this part, Baljeet is very quiet, and I certainly made sure everyone was aware of that (I was never subtle, but then again I was eight). Eventually, Isabella and them give up, and Baljeet gets fucking piiiiissed. In a shocking display of strength, Baljeet BREAKS DOWN THE DOOR IN A FIT OF RAGE. And that’s where the chapter ends.

I can’t remember what happened in the next chapter (I believe it was some silly ghostly shenanigans with Ferb  even back then, i was a “master of comedy”), but the one after that was where the plot happened.

So, being a fourth grader, I had at this point in my life discovered “Ouija Boards.” And little Skyler thought that was so cool, until her mom told her a really spooky story about Ouija Boards, which deeply traumatized little Skyler. Little Skyler, having no way to express her emotions other than writing, decided to use this terrifying experience and turn it into something “nice.”

So the gang uses a Ouija Board to chat with ghost Ferb (never thought I’d write that sentence), and things go all right for a bit.

Key words: a bit.

So Django and Co. leave, and Phineas is home alone once again. Well… he’s not really alone.

Phin grabs the Ouija Board, and (breaking the ONLY RULE GOD DAMMIT PHIN) uses it alone.

Here is where we meet the coolest motherfucker ever. His name?

I have no idea.

I wrote this a long time ago, and his name must’ve been pretty dumb for me to push it out of my mind like that.

For the sake of convenience, his name is Todd (b/c why not).

Now Todd was my first ever OC. He's a ghost who wishes to return to the human realm. I remember him looking like "a strange eight-foot tall vaguely humanoid figure with four ribbon-like appendages protruding from his back. His body was completely black, aside from his eyes which took on the appearance of glittering rubies. Aside from the eyes, his entire body looked to be made of pen scribbles, like someone had scribbled over a picture of someone they disliked and then transformed it into a 3-D image.“

Now, you’re probably thinking, “How the heck was Todd going to return to the human realm?” Well, according to my made-up ghost rules, all he needed was a willing host. The “host" offers you their soul, and you take it, giving you not only a physical form, but a slave for all of eternity! It’s a pretty swell deal, tbh.

So Todd, posing as Ferb (reminder that poor lil Phin can’t see the Eldritch monstrosity that he’s communicating with), tries to convince Phineas to give him his soul (using very different terms).

It’s sorta like “Oh hey yeah, you’re sad, but you can fix everything. You can save me. Then everything will be normal again.” And Phineas, being the “uwu innocent naïve cinnamon roll” totally believes him.

Phineas is about to accept “Ferb”’s deal, when suddenly - WHOOSH! The lil Ouija disk thing flies out of his hand (and out the window), and the board flies up and slams down against the floor (as if someone threw it down there hint hint), shattering on impact.

Now, Phineas is fucking distraught over this, but instead of exploring that shit, I zoomed on over to the next chapter.

Chapter six seven who gives a fuck, begins before the previous chapter, and takes place from Ferb’s perspective (because I remembered that he was a character who existed).

So Ghost Ferb (Gerb? Fost?) is chillin and thinkin about ghost shit, when he “senses the Ouija Board being activated” (b/c that’s a thing ghosts can do). Ferb, thinking “Phineas what the shit you broke the only fucking rule goddammit,” goes to make sure no other spirits are fucking shit up, when lo and behold…

IT’S TODD

So Ferb doesn’t immediately rush in, he stands outside the door thinking, “Who’s this bloke and what does he think he’s doing? I’m gonna go all medieval on his metaphysical ass.”

Ferb listens to his plan (which he is saying out loud because he’s the bad guy), and thinks “Phineas isn’t gonna fall for this.” Then, he hears Phineas agree and he’s like “WHAT THE FUCK, PHINEAS” and then runs in and using his extremely inconsistent influence on the material world, throws the Ouija disk out the window and smashes the board on the floor.

As one could assume, this makes Todd fuckin pissed. However, instead of beating the shit out of Ghost Ferb (b/c really, what would that accomplish?), he leaves, warning Ferb that “he’d be back.”

then i never continued the story the end

Just kidding. Well, not really.

I never actually continued the story (it was at this point I got kinda out of the PnF fandom and more into video game and stuff), but I did have more stuff planned out. But I literally can’t remember any of that shit. And since the computer I wrote this work of art on died, I can’t exactly look it up. But I don’t wanna leave you like this.

So here we have…

the extra shit that i didn’t put into that long-ass description

Django’s speech on the importance of art. This was just kind of a thing that randomly occurred while the gang was on their way to Phineas’s house.

Ferb’s very inconsistent power over the material realm. I’m not exactly sure where I was trying to go wih this, but basically Ferb had some magic powers that let him interact with the physical world (i.e. knocking over stuff, levitation sometimes, etc.). This is sort of a regular ghost thing, but my story had a neat little twist. Ferb could only use this power at the Flynn-Fletcher household, because it only works at the place the ghost considers “home.”

the stuff i never actually wrote in the story itself

So, before I get started on the story parts of this, I should tell you Todd’s Backstory.

Todd was alive back in modern day. He was like one or two years older than Ferb. When he was younger, he was in some sort of academic competition against Ferb and Ferb won. This caused Todd to hate Ferb with a burning passion, and basically create a grudge so strong that only an extremely stubborn crazy determined teenager could hold it.

About a year or so before the story takes place, Todd died in a car accident after a distracting “beam from the sky” caused him to drive into oncoming traffic (It was highly implied that the beam was from one of Phineas and Ferb’s machines can’t believe phineas has a fuckin body count). It is revealed that (using the powers of “evil ghostly revenge”) HE caused the machine to fall on Ferb, and now he plans on getting revenge for Ferb beating him in all those academic competitions.

And yeah, that’s it. My first fanfiction. Hope y'all enjoyed this trip through my eight/ten year old psyche.