#no amount of gay is too gay right?
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When creating a PowerPoint presentation explaining your Pride Month programming and request for Drag Story Hour that you'll be presenting to your Board this week, how gay is too gay?
#no amount of gay is too gay right?#every page has rainbow framing#but in a tasteful way that won't make the pearl-clutchers clutch too hard#work stuff & thangs#personal
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Feeling kinda gay this 5am and I've not slept at all
So have an assortment of Vax edits where I've made him blush because he a cutie
mostly season 1, but 2 are from season 2... need to make more of these edits tbh
Vax is such a cutie
#vax is such a pretty boy#i love him a normal amount#(im fucking lying straight through my teeth)#gods im too gay for this right now aaaaa#the legend of vox machina#critical role#tlovm#cr#tlovm spoilers#cr spoilers#vax'ildan#my edits#lynias shut up challenge#stop being gay on main lynias
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A Double Sided Rainbow - Halloween, 1981 (Oneshot)
TW: MCD (but not detailed)
959 words
The red drapes on The Potter’s windows fluttered from the crisp, autumn air that circled through the house. The three people sitting on the couches seemed so solemn despite their normal tendency to break out in laughter from jokes and stories alike. A man with wavy black hair apparated into the room, and the three tensed, knowing it was time. The secret keeper changed, and there was no going back.
The orange pumpkin laid on Remus and Sirius’ front porch. They’d recently purchased their quaint home together, and they did not have much else in the way of Halloween decorations, but the pumpkins they carved together in silence the night before was the least they could do for the muggle children that would approach later that night for candy, not knowing the danger that surrounded them.
The yellow leaves on the trees outside of Godric’s Hallow were all the little baby could see outside of his window. He didn’t know why he wasn’t allowed to play outside anymore. He didn’t know why he couldn’t use his little broomstick to fly around the backyard, almost giving his mother a heart attack while his father cheered, but at least he could see the leaves as they waved hello to him and goodbye to everyone else peering out.
The green grass, Sirius realized, seemed so much brighter that day as he walked to the market to buy groceries for his favorite little family as he’d done twice a week since he was made the secret keeper. Even though it had changed, he saw no problems with continuing his routine. However, he always took the scenic route, walking through the park and getting to enjoy the gorgeous colors and the frigid air. It was one of the few times he could enjoy the color green, yet, for whatever reason, it just didn’t feel right today.
The blue porch Peter walked onto creaked under each step, making a shiver go up his spine. The house seemed so sweet and bright like an elderly lady picked out all of the colors, likely because one had, but wherever that lady was now, Peter knew better than to question. The moment he walked inside, any figment or idea of joy the colors could have brought him was sapped out of his shaking body, encapsulating the state he would be in for the rest of his life.
The purple dress Lily put on seemed a bit too on the nose. A witch dressing as a witch on Halloween, but she wanted to dress up for her little boy, so she decided to dress as the stereotypical muggle image of a witch, and she helped James do the same as a wizard. It was rather easy with what they had around the house, and it was enough to take a photo for Harry that they could look back on in the future when all of this was over.
The red couch was the backdrop of the photo where, before the camera could flash, there was a knock on the door. James stood up, telling Lily to hurry upstairs. He went to the door, standing tall and firm, not noticing the wand that was left behind. He knew it couldn’t be a trick-or-treater as much as he wished it could be. Instead, he just hoped it was Peter who could have forgotten something earlier that day or Sirius to come with groceries, but he knew better than to be naive. He knew what was behind that door. He knew he’d never see that red couch again.
The orange cupcakes Sirius bought for The Potters landed directly on the concrete when he heard the news, intercepted as he was about to go to their house to cheer up the couple who just wanted to give their son a joyful holiday. The frosting smeared onto his pants leg as his knees gave in. He didn’t hear another thing as the mud soiled the orange frosting.
The yellow clock Remus watched as he paced back and forth seemed to tick at an increasingly slow pace to the point where he had to count aloud to make sure it was correct. But then, without much more warning, the clock stopped. He went over to it slowly, lifting it off of the wall and turning it over. He grabbed new batteries from the drawer and replaced them, but it did no good. The yellow never began to tick again.
The green flash was new coming from Sirius’ wand. It was what he never wished to resort to, but he was past keeping up his moral code. It lit up the block. Nothing but green could be seen through the tears—through the rage that took over his face. His body. His entire existence. That rat, that traitorous, conniving, evil little rat had to feel this. But, when the green faded, he saw enough to know that his target wasn’t there.
The blue motorbike, which Sirius poured his heart and soul into, took off into the sky with a different rider as Sirius laid beside his friend, in the room he’d been in only that morning, giving the secret over to someone he thought he could trust. As he laid there in wait, bound for the inevitable arrivals, staring at the blue that faded away into the night and then at his old friend, he knew he could never trust again.
The purple glow of the telly lit up the room as Remus stood at the phone, clutching it tightly in his hand before slowly, yet never breaking the fluid motion, setting it back down on the receiver. He walked over to the telly, and he pushed the button on the top. The glow flickered to black.
#marauders#wolfstar#dead gay wizards#lily evans#remus#sirius#jily#james potter#sirius black#peter pettigrew#marauders oneshot#remus loves sirius#marauders era#remus lupin#halloween 1981#remus x sirius#oneshot#guys is this too pretentious or the right amount of pretentious#pls be nice but pls leave feedback#mcd#angst#keep in mind this was written between 11-1 at night
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oh i can already tell i’m about to have some really unpopular opinions about the edge of sleep tv show
#i remember everyone loving the podcast when it came out#but as someone who was an active fan of audio dramas and podcasts for years at that point the show just. made me frustrated#i realized later after listening to left right game that qcode has this very strange and almost uncanny production behind it#where they get incredibly famous actors to play characters and then bank their marketing on that alone#and the writing is always *almost* good. like sometimes you start to think you might actually be listening to a good show#bc i mean the audio quality and special effects are all stellar#but then the writing and acting is always just a little bit too over-the-top and dramatic for it to feel natural#like the writers don’t know how to portray emotion without visuals so they just make everything Way Too Intense#and each time it feels like they just ask ‘what’s the most insane thing that can happen next?’#’oh ok he’s gonna chop dave’s dick off’#and every time you start to actually like a character they say something misogynistic or just otherwise batshit fucking insane#not to mention that time in left right game where a girl confessed her love to her best friend before LITERALLY DYING FOR HER#only for the best friend in the next scene to be like ‘erm i’m not gay 😐 awkward…’ and she’s NEVER BROUGHT UP AGAIN#qcode productions are kinda like the fast fashion of fiction podcasts i think#they churn out so many so quickly and they always feel just slightly unnatural or superficial#not to mention when i tried looking into them years ago and it’s impossible to find#literally anything about them. like their minimalist ass website was so insanely insanely vague#and yet clearly they’ve gotta have a fuck ton of money backing them to have this absurd amount of a-list talent on board#(which really i think that is all they care about)#anyways yeah some markiplier fans are gonna get pissed at me for not kissing the ground he walks on. but i was one of you. i AM one of you#and i hate that somebody out there is holding the iron lung movie over us like we’re dogs and if we wanna watch it#we gotta watch this show. which BTW they are giving no details about where to watch it#and seemingly no promotion or marketing material for a show that’s been in production for years coming out in less than 3 weeks#just weird as fuck man. and i don’t even think mark has much to do with it
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Sometimes venturing onto the For You side of Twitter sparks joy.
Based take. Shoujo and Josei are fucking top notch, both in characters and art style (how can you not think they’re beautiful?)
“Ruined the JJK and MHA fandoms” is WILD. I avoid fandoms for the most part (except perusing tumblr for the occasional fucking thesis women write about character motivations i love you women <3) because they usually suck. Seriously, I kept up with OPM for a bit because it was entertaining but holy shit the subreddit (very much full of men) is literally just… sexy woman. More sexy woman. Memes about artist constantly drawing sexy woman. Memes. Occasional power scaling arguments. Low quality page colorings of the exact same page. There is NOTHING. How the hell can women ruin the fandom when the fandom IS the women?!
It’s the women creating in depth analyses on characters; it’s the women writing fanfiction, creating doujinshis; it’s the women creating fandom centered accounts; it’s the women buying every new merch piece that comes out AND giving free advertising by posting about it online. And then men will go on and rag on women for doing all these things. It’s infuriating.
Longevity of a series is also something these idiots ignore. Seriously, look at Katekyo Hitman Reborn. The manga ended in 2012 and the creator is working on a different series. Katekyo Hitman Reborn still gets regular merch releases. This is a series that ended over a decade ago and still has an incredibly dedicated fanbase of, I wonder who, that regularly spends enough money to keep it consistent. You cannot look me in the eyes and tell me that series is supported mainly by men. I do not care how hard Amano Akira tried to alienate her female fans with her treatment of the female characters you know exactly whos spending the money based on who is constantly getting merch (minus the titular character, because of course he has to be there.)
Honestly I don’t give a damn that fandom can often be absolute insanity; you get a group of people together and it’s always going to be a shitshow, that isn’t unique to fandom, people just like to pretend it is because as always, there’s an undercurrent of misogyny because people know women carry that shit but they only want to acknowledge it when they can use it to criticize them.
I love that she came for the JJK fandom as well. I’ve been following the series because honestly it is really fucking funny because it is the epitome of shounen tropes. The author literally baked them into the world. Explaining your abilities to the opponent makes them stronger. So this entire series you get giant pages of just white with text explaining every little fucking thing like theres a narrator standing over your shoulder making sure you can’t possibly miss anything on the first read. Fuck dude, I don’t mind exorbitant amounts of text in my manga, but you cannot be serious in pretending that is good writing. There’s a deus ex machina that every character can pull out of their ass called a binding vow. Black flash also falls into this category.
Hell, the latest arc has literally just been flashback after flashback playing during the battle of the characters forming a bunch of plans in preparation for the fight we currently are following. This is genuinely one of my most hated tropes. The characters just get off screen power ups that then get handwaved as “well we showed you the flashback right?” there is NO anticipation, any excitement you feel for the battle is purely manufactured rather than genuine. It’s not “I can’t wait to see how the growth I followed of these characters affects the battle” it’s “wow, what cool ability will they pull out of their ass next?” I hate it I loathe it and it’s even worse with emotional moments. Why couldn’t you write this into the story in the first place? Why are you giving it to me in a shitty flashback?
Maybe I didn’t explain it well enough because I launched into a rant. The reason I hated it so much is because it forced the reader to be an observer rather than an active participant in the manga. Everything is spoonfed to you. You don’t need to reread the chapters over and over to put together the pieces on how, where, and why each action took place, the author does that for you. You don’t see everything from a new perspective when you read it a second time, catching lots of things you may have missed because you’re not allowed to miss anything the author deems important.
I enjoy this manga. There is good things about it. But it is nowhere near the god manga (“kamige” would be the term if it was a visual novel; I don’t know a manga equivalent) men like to pretend it is. It genuinely seems like they think everything being explained every page is good writing.
Based and succinct.
Anyway, you shouldn’t restrict yourself from experiencing specific genres because they’re for “the lessers” because that’s actually fucking cringe and maybe you should touch a Josei manga, or even a Shoujo manga. Maybe it’ll open your eyes and you’ll realize, hey, women’s media is actually- oh who the fuck am I kidding just pull the trigger.
#taking the bait and getting mad about things that dont matter dot rtf#i would genuinely love to write actual well thought out well written and well researched essays on the shit im into#but going on barely edited rants is easier and gives me those feel good chemicals faster#i started this with twitter sparking joy then proceeded to go on a rant about how much hate fills my heart#i hope my ranting is at least somewhat coherent because my thought process is incredibly scattered right now#i also rant about JJKs writing because i was going to do that one of these days anyway but i read my sleeper activation phrase in a tweet#basically im mad at how much men ignore womens contributions to the series they claim to enjoy#no evidence is ever good enough for them either#you have a japanese study showing the sex division for a popular series has an even 50:50 split?#it doesnt fit the exact parameters that i believe it should! (angry mention about ‘the gays’ when they werent even brought up)#also yeah im sure when theres an even amount of both women and men watching something ONLY the men actually contribute right#ask me about my opinions i dont bite ;^)#also i need a nap because i have been awake far too long hello insomnia#was about to go to sleep then i was provoked and had to fight (opened twitter and then rant on a blog out in nowhere)#goodnight (its noon)
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Soulmate AU in which when you touch your soulmate you swap bodies. It needs to be skin on skin contact and is instant. The only way to get back in the previous body is to touch again, otherwise you're stuck like that.
No matter the body all psychological and physical damage stays with you. That means if you get hurt then swap bodies, you will still feel it despite no longer having the wounds. This is only the case of existing wounds prior to swapping ; if new wounds happen to the hurt body after the swap you won't feel them, but the person in the body when it happens will. A very complicated way of saying that you can't get away from pain by swapping bodies with your soulmate as it will follow you.
There's no known consequences to not changing bodies back once swapped, though some might get sick for a few days after swapping back if they waited a long period of time to change back (say over a month, even longer depending on individual)
Now this but, you know... JeanMarco. And of course they find out during their time in the 104th Training Corps, because there's no way their skin didn't touch at least once in +3 years of training and being as close as they are. It isn't until break when they're able to visit home that they learn what it truly means ; up until that point they used it to swap chores (is the only reason why Jean didn't try to kill Eren during their shared chores- because it was actually Marco all along). At that point they knew each other perfectly.
Of course the whole situation was a little bit awkward for both of them when returning. They probably would end up avoiding each other for a bit because teenager boys and stuff, all until someone finally got the guts to mention the tension and ask them what's wrong- which forces them to talk and stuff. Doesn't matter, this is not what I want to talk about.
But the beautiful battle of Trost and what if, hypothetical speaking of course, they touch skin after Jean gets another ODM? And they're so used with each other by now, they don't even notice until the mission is nearly done anyway. And I don't know man, the idea of Jean dying while in Marco's body? Marco (in Jean's body) saying "I need to find Marco" once the mission is a success and research for his soulmate, just for him to not find him?? Not find him until 3 days later when some of them are assigned cleaning duty in Trost and he finds his own fucking body bitten in half???
The realization that it should've been Marco who died that day, but didn't because he was in Jean's body. The realization that not only his soulmate is dead, but he's stuck living his life. He's stuck living the life Jean can't because he died in Marco's place.
SEEING YOUR DEAD SOULMATE EVERYDAY WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR. Poor Marco would most likely avoy any reflective surface for a very long time, unable to see Jean's face looking at him.
The guilt of lying to everyone, because how does one even begin to explain what's going on? Him lying to Jean's mother to protect her from the harsh truth of the reality- that her son actually died and the one in front of her was a fake.
And the sad truth is that no one would notice because they've been doing it for months already. They knew how to act like each other to perfection. Even if Marco slipped at some point no one would question it because they got many traits from each other already.
#Ok Armin might notice at some point. But I think somewhere later in the series#And only because of something extremely trivial like idk man Jean thanking Eren for something like#You heard of twins switching lifes now I present to you soulmates doing the exact thing but there's no turning back from it#Don't we all love the swapping bodies trope?#Marco crying when he learns of how Jean truly died because //he only got killed because they thought he was Marco//#With the amount the angst thrown at him Marco might as well just stay dead#anyway#aot#jean kirstein#jeanmarco#aot jean#marco bodt#marco bott#aot marco#jean kirschstein#soulmate au#JeanMarco Soulmates AU#Because there's a weirdly big lack of this trope for them and they deserve more#Hey hey. Is just a little scenario. There's 100% a lot of fluff going on during their training days#Lots of shenanigans too while learning to be comfortable in each other's body and stuff. And The Talk man#Everyone remembers that week in which Jean and Marco avoided each other like the worst week of their life#And some watched loved ones get eaten by titans man like it was THAT bad#Shadis was this 🤏🏻 close to starting an intervention because he wasn't paid enough to put up with whatever was going on#Oh nvm Ymir probably knew but that girl knew a lot of shit and said nothing so it doesn't matter. What's another secret added to the pile?#She could tell right away#Ymir takes one look at you and can tell immediately if you're gay or not. That girl got the gift#Marco living a life Jean would be proud of <3#Also Marco seeing the same exact illusion like Jean saw in canon and being like 'I'm right. Jean was born to be a great leader. I must#follow that path' then joining the Survey Corps because it felt right to do#The amount of times Marco has to stop himself from acting as Titan bait is ridiculous
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pro: ran into a coworker at a bar last night who I don’t really talk to usually (he works upstairs, I work downstairs) and we talked and im pretty sure we were highkey flirting and he bought me a drink and the bar merch shirt i was interested in and thanks to the power of alcohol i guess i asked for his number and he gladly gave it to me and. yeah
con: i have the second worst hangover i have ever had and have been fighting for my fucking life just to eat saltines
#it’s getting better but only now that it’s like. 6pm#as weird as it sounds part of why this sucks is that I volunteered to come into work today cause there’s a concert going on nearby which#usually means we’re at least somewhat busy -> make better tips#and I couldn’t go in because well. you know#I’ve been sick and dying in bed all day unable to move or eat or anything#let alone take the bus and go to work#but. as much as I wish I didn’t go this overboard I don’t totally regret last night cause.#yeah. potential thing going on with cute coworker guy. OH and potential job opportunity at my favorite bar in town#apparently said coworker Also has a job at the bar in addition to where we both work and the bar is hiring barbacks at entry-level#so I have someone to vouch for me and the bartender we were talking to seemed to really want me to apply too#one thing that’s kinda funny to me about all this is that the first two places (a bar then a club) we were at felt really mid because they#were packed with way too many straight people (at a gay bar and a gay club)#but the bar we ended up at (where we ALWAYS end up at. it is the oasis. it is the only thing I can rely on) felt. like. not overwhelmingly#straight? at all? I mean part of it’s just luck in a way with just who happened to be there and all that but it’s also that the staff seem#pretty significantly populated with queer ppl#I complained to the bartender about how the club we were at (one of the biggest gay clubs in the city- if not The biggest) just felt kinda#meh because yeah maybe there were some guys dancing in jockstraps and whatever but the crowd itself like. did not feel largely queer#or at least didn’t have the spirit I’d hope for in a queer space if that makes sense. felt very conventional. not enough wild outfits and#makeup and gender fuckery and so on#and the bartender was like dude I KNOW right? I went off outside there once about the invasion of cishets when this space isn’t FOR them#and so on and so forth. and god that was So real.#so the experience at my beloved bar last night was like. 1) guy comes up behind me just to order a drink but i was saving a seat for my#friend who was in the bathroom and mentioned that in case he was looking to take the seat. chatted a little. ended with him pointing out#that a guy nearby was trying to holla at me.#2) I look over and yes. the dj is. in fact. looking directly at me and mouthing the lyrics to whatever song was playing pointed my way.#it was pretty sweet honestly I think it was partly cause I looked like I was shy and alone#3) whatever gay shit was going on with my coworker and i. amusingly he seems to get more flamboyant when he drinks just like i do.#im not 100% sure what his sexuality is but i Am 100% sure it is Not straight. but yeah. if it hadn’t been so close to closing time ive been#hardcore wondering where that would’ve gone. maybe its for the best that i had to go when i did cause i was pretty drunk and who knows when#I could’ve hit the amount of drunk it takes to like outright say hey just so you know i’d suck your dick right now if you wanted
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posting this purely as propaganda
#and to balance out the amount of gay vampires on here a little bit#like yeah armand wormed his way into my heart a little but dont get confused#im here for the girls#so many scenes in this movie that ive written between yaz and the doctor in some way#this one too. not the biting obviously but like. timelord equivalents. tentacle.....stuff dont worry abt it#i really like the snapping laura does#and the way she recoils#theyre both so rattled#i also like how they made the original novella like carmilla's backstory in the show#and then in the movie they deal wiht that backstory so they can use these cool lines from the novella#andn ot just lines but like this whole composition right! of carmilla crawling on the bed looming over laura all predator-like#youve seen the illustration#i once subconsciously recreated that illustration in a fic with yaz and missy#was sooooooo correct abt that#carmillaposting
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ouh. [collapses] ouhh
#just me hi#I'VE SURVIVED THE [checks calendar] SECOND WEEK OF JUNE BUT AT WHAT COST#i am so. tired. lol#and also in the Lagoons but we'll ignore that for now#the only thing that had me dragging myself through the days was the fact that it's pride month#literally hvhsbhbvhs#was completely and utterly ready to give in to the Exhaustion but then again i refuse to just sleep through gay queer gender month#so that's what we're up to !!!#//my computer time has also been restricted lolll#not for any reason in particular but mmmmmmmmmmmmother says we spend too much time on them so [shrug]#i RETRACT that shrug actually !! it would BE a shrug if electronic time was more reasonable and not only on sundays for an unspecified#amount of time !! i feel cheated :/#and then it's like Oh So Why Are You Still On Your Phone Every Other Hour. Hm? Hmmm ???#do what i say not what i do. ouhhh shove it#//frustrating but also i am too tired to do anything about it so lol !! i guess i'll stare at the ceiling and imagine stars again :)#//also gonna try to finish my pieces real quick before i go and binge yt lol#so be right b-
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[happy rambling in the tags because i love my job so much ✨️🌻]
#im feeling happier than i have in years!!#i love tattoo culture a lot and this specific studio is PERFECT for me#there's three other people working there which is honestly a perfect amount. i don't get overwhelmed but i can still be social#and like. one of them is a cool as shit woman who also hosts queer kink events and is as neck deep in fandom culture as i am#one is a guy running on three redbulls/hour and has a need to draw dicks EVERYWHERE. he also has a rainbow skull called princess skulldaddy#and my mentor is the kindest person ever even tho she pretends to be a grouchy old woman#she is already super protective over me and when i was complaining that i can't glare at people effectively enough she was like#'awww but it's good that you're so sweet! never let people take that quality from you' and i was like cool thanks im gonna cry#also I've annoyed her into listening to my favorite bands! yesterday st aurora started playing in the studio so i naturally went '👀!!!'#and she was like 'that's right you fucking bastard you've convinced me to join your cult' 😌#also the clients are really cool too!!#also also the studio is a sponsor for helsinki pride and we're gonna have a queer book club and wine & create evening etc and AHHHHHH#and it's right by the sea at the PRETTIEST place with a lot of trees and boats and swans and god i got so lucky like? am i dreaming??#i get to make art be gay as hell learn tattooing and chat with really cool and nice people all day genuinely what could be better#personal
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Stop feeling bad about my identity challenge
#vent in tags#i just... idk#i cant feel proud of being a man bc apparently thats terrible#i cant feel like a manly man bc im not one#if i feel like a gay man that feels wrong to others bc that means im 'just a straight girl who wants gay guy dick' apparently#and if i ever complain about my struggles with being transmasc its#“oh but x identity has it worse you fucking man! you gross man!”#hi not all queer oppressive experiences and trauma are equatable and in fact most of them cant fucking be compared#of fucking course i dont get the same oppression a trans woman or cis gay man has; im not them!#we all have our own struggles! why cant i put a name to mine?#why CANT i say the word transandrophobia?#why does me using words have to somehow automatically hurt trans women? i have no idea how that works#and whats worse is trans women dont tell me that OTHER queers and people tell me that#but the more i look the more it seems like everyone wants to pit us against each other. all the time#and now the fucking government hates us too are you *shitting me*#im just so tired#i wanna be a gay trans man without it causing me untold amounts of grief and pain from both in and outside the community#i wanna be effeminate without being told “oh youre secretly still a giiiirl'#sometimes i dontnwanna fucking bind ok? it hurts.#im so tired of everything right now#i just wanna be happy with myself
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Even doing something completely unrelated, DCA thoughts still manage to sneak into my brain...
Playing Borderlands 2 as my Siren, but I got so distracted thinking about the DCA that I accidentally let a Super Badass Marauder respawn and completely caught me off guard xD
#If you're idle and not in a pause or inventory menu then enemies will respawn after a certain amount of time#If you stay in one spot for too long#My gay ass CANNOT be caught daydreaming right now!!!#original posts
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I love secretly closeted Steve Harrington. I love when he knows himself, knows the truth of his identity, knows that how he views men isn't a fluke. I love secretly closeted Steve Harrington who dates girls and has sex with girls to protect himself, to keep an image, to try and earn an ounce of recognition and respect from his dad.
I love secretly closeted Steve Harrington who recognizes Robin's bravery when she came out. But he keeps his secret to himself for a while longer. Who joins in on the joke of just how bad he is at pulling girls. Who upholds an image as just that, an image.
A secretly closeted Steve who gets frustrated at the projection painted onto him. Steve Harrington the ladies' man. Steve Harrington who gets the girl. Steve Harrington who can get into bed with any girl he wants. He's frustrated and he hates all the assumptions, but he can't shake them, can't explain why—not without revealing himself. But he knows who he is. Knows the type of person he wants.
I love when he's nervous, but still proud. Who, slowly and surely, cements his identity within himself—so it transcends knowledge, it's deeply intertwined within. He goes to Robin first, because he feels as though that's a good first baby step—because he knows for certain that Robin will accept him. And, with minor hesitance, goes to Nancy. And with a long conversation, some tissues, and gentle smiles passed back and forth, Nancy then understands, too.
The last person is Eddie. Which is harder. Which frustrates him further. Because Eddie won't stop asking him about women, won't stop categorizing him as straight, some god among men. He just wants to be Steve Harrington. Not Steve Harrington. Not ladies man, Steve Harrington.
Steve Harrington who likes men. Only men. Who compensated for years just so he can uphold a safe life for himself, who was threatened constantly (though not directly at him) by what his dad would say about those queers, who covered for himself the only way he knew how.
And though it takes longer, some deep wounds and harsh words about how he isn't experimenting, that his sexuality can't just be decided for him, that he has a right to explore—even if the exploration never amounted to anything—Steve is able to get Eddie's trust. Eventually, again slowly, get Eddie's hand intertwined with his. And even later after that, a shy kiss; his first kiss with a man that aids in solidifying the last, hairline fracture in his whole.
Steve Harrington who is gay and learns over time to be proud of that. But also, closeted Steve Harrington who goes on the journey to get to the end result—I love him so so so much and he means so much to me. And now I need to write him and make this version a reality.
#stranger things#platonic stobin#platonic stancy#steddie#steve harrington#robin buckley#eddie munson#nancy wheeler#closeted steve harrington#comphet steve harrington#(would he be comphet? in a technical sense I suppose.)
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hear me out
reader and girl friends dancing and drinking at a nightclub after work when one of the girls says something like "holy shit, look at those two, they're hot"
when reader turns to look, she sees Patrick and Art laughing and having fun together
"i want the brunette one", one says, "are you crazy? look at the blonde, how hot he is", another responds.
"fifty bucks for whoever gets both"
reader smiles. it's showtime.
OH? IT’S GIVING SATC 🤭
This was supposed to be short but I got carried away I’m afraid ! 🎀 | 18 + smut, p in v unprotected sex, oral (m) receiving, heavy obnoxious flirting, kinda messy reader
When the club had been this crowded with a full dance floor and beautiful men nearly everywhere you looked, finally letting loose after a long work week with your girls was enough motivation to get the confidence pumping between the three of you.
Your friends were frozen. Facing the the bar area where this six foot blonde and brunette were standing, laughing like everything around them was funny. One had an infectious grin, hair untamed and a tight dark skirt that show cased his brooding arms. He was the tallest and had ‘a party girls wet dream’ written all over him. The other slightly more polished, could pass for the stereotypical Ken doll type with his charming smile, sterling blue eyes with golden locks combination. You couldn’t find why he would be here, he looked like the only interested in finding a wife type.
Either way, the two men had your thighs pushing against one another the second the girls began chattering about. And once you heard ‘fifty bucks for whoever can get both’ your ears were all game.
“Oh, I am so in. That brunette is scorching.”
“And ? Look at that blondes jawline, bitch.”
“Double the pay if they both finish.” You announce. Both of your girlfriend’s locks go up in the air as they whip around to see the smirk pulling at your lips. They quickly take upon one of their own as well.
“Oh… the competition just got serious.” One of them says.
“It’s been serious. Those guys are totally loaded..” The other comments.
Your eyebrow dips. “What makes you think that ?”
“Oh come on, what two guys that hot are going to come to the club and not be looking to spend their cash on a girl ?”
Her theory wasn’t too out of range. There was something quite different from the boys across from you all. Setting them apart from the other clueless guys around just trying to get as drunk as they possibly can. There was a more tamed and calculated aura to these two. Something that made them not only sexy, but stand out profoundly.
“..or, they could just be gay.” The other girl replies casually and the three of you burst into laughter.
“Oh my god, shut up!”
You giggle, slightly rolling your eyes to land on the two men occasionally eyeing the dance floor as if they’re considering joining in the crowd. And that’s when you caught the gaze of the one with the darker head of hair, he flashed you a smile that sent a thrill straight to your core. You tried not to blush so terribly your friends would be on to you and raise the stakes.
But you couldn't help but ponder if they’d been right too — not about the gay thing, but if they truly we’re packing bills.
And soon you found yourself worrying less about what was in you and your friends wallets, and whatever was in theirs.
“Okay. Let’s get in there. Game on.”
You and your girls were heading over to the bar, tight mini skirts and all with just the right amount of cleavage on display for your upcoming play date. And with hardly any nerves that you’d loose to the two, knowing you had it locked in with the way you just got checked out hard from the brunette all the way across the bar had your hopes high.
As you all were now getting ready to own that bar area, you let your friends have a try at playing with the men first — and it was certainly quite amusing to watch them try to flirt with both the blonde and brunette at the same time.
With fingers twirling in their hair, laughing a little too hysterically at whatever was said and trying to keep both of their attention, you wondered from observation if it crossed them that it wasn’t as easy as they’d think. One of the boys was either off staring at another cute girl or just looking for a drink when your friends hadn’t been trying to sweet talk them into a little more fun. The most they got was a couple flattering laughs from the two.. and you couldn’t help but chuckle yourself, their game play was adorable.
But they failed where you knew best. Multitasking.
So when it was your turn to get your head in the game, one of your friends walking past you in defeat from her attempt whispered, “totally gay.” in your ear post her rejection from the charming boys. You tried not to laugh in her face but you did crack and grin.
You were up next. And you wasted no time going in.
You played it all out in your head within a few minutes of taking note of the two and also of course where your friends lacked. It would be an easy job especially since you spent your week trying to sell to people at work. You knew charm like the back of your hand — soon enough you’d be making out with these guys in the back of the club in no time.
Hips swayed without any real effort as you found where the brunette had been standing nearby the vault of vodka and steely liquor at the bar. Purposefully leaning against the counter and close enough to his side for him to hear you call to get one of the bartenders attention, “Um- - could I get another drink ??” You attempted. But with it being rush hour, they'd all been too occupied.
And that’s when your plan started to make the magic happen.
The towering man beside you glanced over his shoulder at your presence, noticing you weren’t getting any luck with the attention of the bartenders and he inspected your soft and sweetened voice pretty quickly. But also with just how edible he thought you were from earlier, “what do you want, doll face ?” he turned to face you with a grin that was as overwhelmingly striking as they come. It could have made any girl want to drop her panties at the sight. And his voice sounded as if he knew that he absolutely could, “it’s packed in here, yeah ? I’ll get someone for you.”
If it wasn’t for your determination, you would have erupted into a melted pile on the ground after he winked down at you. “Oh- no, it’s fine. I’m sure my friends annoyed you enough.” You laughed lightly and he joined along with you.
“Nah, they’re cute girls… but I gotta admit, I was kinda hopin’ you’d be the one to come over and annoy me a little bit.” His eyes focused on the way your lips curled up into a swayed smile and your face was flustered quicker than the flashing lights on the ceiling. He could be bluffing. And he probably was. Even though that was supposed to be your job here — it was totally working.
You titter, “..really ?”
“Really.”
“Well than, I guess I stumbled into the right spot.” (You wanted to pat yourself on the back. You’d been farther ahead than you even assumed.) “What do they call you ?”
“Patrick, a hell of a fun time, Zweig. Your pick.” his tongue darted out to wet his lips before he took a swing of his drink, and you were all laugher as his green eyes followed you from over the rim.
This was when you could implement the gorgeous blonde to his right — eyeing off to a couple of girls on the floor. With your bottom lip pulled between your teeth, you step a little closer to Patrick, glance going from him to other handsome work of art beside. The space getting less and less personal between you two didn’t scare him either.
“Well, Patrick… who’s your friend- - ?” Your eyes darted to where he stood and the brunette hit his poor friend in the chest to get his attention on you, when he did, you noticed the uniqueness of his eyes up close. You could of seen it from across the bar — but this is another level. Some kind of otherworldly matter, it got you choked up for a moment.
He was about to make you bank.
“This is Art.”
Of course it is.
Your were trying not to drool as you took a little too long to examine the way Art leaned up with a miniature straw pressed against his pretty lips with a soft sideways smirk,
“I think he’s a cutie..” You sputter as you bit your lip with a cheeky smile. Trying not to get lost in Arts gaze — you had to remember the goal, get your head in the game to why you’d walked over here in the first damn place.
“I think you’re both pretty cute..”
“Yeah?” Patrick chuckled and grinned at his friend, they looked at each other like it had been some hidden kind of communication. Like they already knew what the other was trying to say telepathically. That was a signal to you that this was for sure a package deal — you’d have both of them tonight. Not only did they welcome it, but they’d probably been here for that exact motive.
Art gave you a little smile, “We had our eye on you the whole night honestly, so that’s good to know…”
There it is.
You laughed a bit and shrugged. Eyes following back to the darker haired one. “So I heard..”
“How come you aren’t out there?” Art nodded to the dance floor full of bodies, his eyes ran over you, “you’re a stunning girl.. no way none of these guys asked you to dance.”
You hoped to god you weren’t getting flustered. They’re just boys. Ones that you needed to be bedded by till the sun came up, but still.
“I’m- uh.. a bit shy.” (You weren’t. You had your fair share of men in and out of your apartment. Not as stunning as Art and Patrick although, so making them feel extra special wasn’t too much of a stretched truth.) “so it’s rare I even talk to guys.. but you two- - I just had to say something.” You giggled and they were leaning into your laughter with their own. You could swear you smelled Burberry cologne being sent your way from one of them, if not both. Maybe your friends had been right about the wealth.
Art and Patricks attention had been solidly on you. And you didn’t know if it was the way you decided to style your hair tonight, and the way you made sure to keep lustful but sweet eyes between them, or if your friends just sucked at flirting. But you were already yearning to keep this going.
It was time to throw them a curve to lock in their undivided for the rest of the night.
“Well- - I should get back to my friends, they probably think it’s way odd of me to even be over here..” you tittered with a soft goodbye smile as you began to turn away from the men and before you could even step away from the countertop, “wait!” was being called your way from over your shoulder.
A smirk was ridden on your lips once again. You turned back to face their pitch with curiosity.
“Stay a little longer?” Patrick asked of you with a beam.
“Yeah, let us buy you a drink.. what are you? An espresso?”
“No. Man, she’s a cosmo girl, trust me. You are- - aren’t you?” When the brunette corrected his friend, blue and green orbs focused on your answer in desperation you’d keep them a little more company. And you couldn’t help your decisive but giddy expression that was all too pleased with your work here.
“I am actually, yes.” You chuckled before taking a stand between the two tall and handsome men with much more than a quick fuck and collecting your rewards on your mind now. You actually sort of liked them. And that was rare with any man you’d meet doing an activity like clubbing, especially two of them.
As time went on, Art and Patrick were racking up on buying you drink after drink. As many as you wanted. Within as little as an hour that passed, you’d been with the two boys as if you’d known them your entire life. It could have been borderline love bombing with how fast you went from zero to a hundred. Both men simultaneously wrapping their arms around you from behind, laughing loudly as you’d been glued between the two of them. Even dancing in ways more than a couple flirts could have gotten you.
The boys were more than happy to keep tipping the bartenders with haughty smirks after getting you sparked up and hanging on their arms of course, even having one too many of their own. The three of you took it to the lounge area and your friends would be somewhere watching in disbelief and slight envy of how quickly you were able to get handsy with Art and Patrick.
You’d been passed back and forth on their laps as you chatted and even snuck a couple kisses by now. Totally giddy off their energy and the liquids they’d been giving you. The way Art had slipped his wallet back into his back pocket after buying you another drink, was a straight turn on to the point you’d been sticking sugary kisses to his neck as he did so with a couple playful bites, the man grinned at your bubbly essence. Your not so careful hands slid up his chest and slung over his shoulders, “Mmm- -You’re the sweet one aren’t you?” You giggle, finger tips run over his jaw and Art bit down on his peachy lip while he held on to your hips nice and easy, yet with a respectful distance. He couldn’t find the words to define the way he’d been enjoying the way you stroked his ego all night long.
“Don’t let him fool you. He’s actually a menace.” Patrick scoffed as he sat man spread in the seat across from you two with a cigarette in hand.
“Fuck off.” His friend defended lightly. It was the way you could tell he enjoyed the playful banter when Patrick poked at him tonight that solidified to you just how close they really were. You thought it was adorable.
“You two really do everything together, huh?” You toyed with Arts now loose collar, casually sipping on something clear with flirtatious eyes, and the man shrugged a bit as he glanced at the brunette across from him who was hiding a sardonic kind of look behind his glass.
“I mean, well- - somethings..” The blonde nodded with a soft smile, but you raised a brow. “Most things.” He corrected, he and Patrick narrowed eyes at one another. You noticed with a devious little hum at the way the blonde had still been holding back. It made your lips turn up with a grin, watching between the two as Art struggled to confess the obvious. “Okay. Yeah- kind of.. everything.” With a flustered look towards the brunette, Arts eyes trailed off with a sort of blush as you leaned into his shoulder. All close to the blue eyed man getting harshly coy now.
“That’s so cute. Like brothers..” you smiled in Patrick’s direction and he immediately let out heavy laughter.
“Not exactly.” The other man grinned. You tilted your head some, and looked at Art again with wonder in your eyes.
“Like.. lovers ?” Your eyes were wide as you focused on the blonde and he shook his head and drowned out his flustered expression with a swing from his glass. Patrick had smirked at your final conclusion, but still, the two gave you not a significant confirmation spite lingering looks and the newfound heat coming from Arts body.
Holy fuck
not just one, but both your friends had been right.
You were already one step ahead with more questions to coax out of the two if a bartender hadn’t interrupted with a new round of shots and your mind was quickly occupied as you ‘ooo’d’ at the tray being set beyond you. Patrick met your gaze and grinned. “Baby, come take one with me,” you were cheerfully being swapped from Arts lap to Patrick’s — bouncing over his way and also grabbing a shot with him.
A quick clink of your glasses filled the air along with your energetic giggles as the man who groped you with firmness in his lap contrast Art, drowned the substance at the same time. Patricks roaming hands were coarse and just as bold as he was when you straddled him after letting the liquor flow down your throat with ease, you wiped your stained lips with the back of your palm.
“Shit.. you took that so well, pretty girl..” Patrick took the glass from your hands, his hooded eyes stayed on you with a smirk. You brushed your fingers over the light stubble to his chin and leaned in close,
“I can take a lot of things pretty well.” You whispered so only he could hear with a smile, you scanned the area proudly as you were very aware of the show you’d been putting up all night. Patrick shifted in his seat with arousal, lips inches away from yours so you went in deep with a kiss.
The man groaned, “Is that so?” He pushed your hips farther into his lap as you’d been lipping off his jaw with a prideful giggle. You were messing with the hem of his shirt as you remembered you still had your own benefit of the deal to seal — getting the boys somewhere you could have your way with them. You came this far, why stop now when you’d been so close to victory?
“Mmhm… want me to show you how?”
Your words were music to the brunettes ears. His eyebrows rose as he watched you lean up with a grin, intertwining your fingers through his knuckles and Patrick stood as you were able to grab Arts attention too. Abruptly stripping him of his seat as well. “oh- - we’re going somewhere else..” the blonde rushed to follow where you’d been leading for a little more privacy. A secluded vip party section that you were a hundred percent not allowed in without a fee — but something about the trespassing turned you on even more. With a finger to your lips, you gave the two a silent “shh” along with your little grin and lustful eyes. They were all in with thrill and eager hands to get on you anyways.
You had gone to the nervously flattered one first. Taking his hands to wrap them around your waist, you stood on your toes to press your lips against his, carefully moving your jaw with Art’s and melting into the dance of it on instant. Your fingertips crawl through his butterscotch tinted curls like you couldn’t get enough. And Art went to a little bit of a risk, he didn’t stop his hands from slipping down to grip your ass beneath your tight skirt.
“Mmm.. easy blondie- -” you giggled with a soft push to his collarbone so he’d been a tad away from you once again, and Art finally let himself breathe with a mumbled curse coming from his lips.
You then made your way to the brunette beside him — but before you could even take your stance, the man pulled you in without a warning. Pressing his broad body against you as he collided his mouth with yours in one swift motion and your whimpers had been an immediate reaction by the way Patrick left sloppy kisses wherever he could. Down your neck, over the top of your chest. You grinned as you eyed the man next to him while Patrick tore into your skin.
You found the vile rising tent in Arts jeans quite cute.
You let your hand trail to where his button began and you undid it as quick as you could with the way Patrick had been holding your body like some kind of rag doll. Art helped you unzip them, and when Patrick had flung you around so your back was flush against his chest, your jaw was unleashed as you squealed.
“You really aren’t shy are you?” His voice was richer than before — full of the whisky and pent up from the foreplay of the last hour making you let out a loose laugh while the man pushed past your messy hair to kiss on your neck.
“I am- - but even the quite ones have our needs.. right, Art?”
The blonde let out a coy chuckle before his blush took over more of his expression and with that you had been hiking up your skirt to tuck your thumbs into the hem of your panties to pull them down your thighs. “Oh, shit.. shit” Art was already softly groaning as you used his undone belt buckle as leverage to get the lacy pair from your feet and he watched with overwhelming interest in the way Patrick caught your drift and started to get his own belt gone faster than you got them into that room.
“Fuck” Patrick, equally aroused, groaned when he had got his hardened dick out of his boxers. Your mind was so clouded from the tension of the way he grabbed on to your clothed breasts behind your top, rummaging to find your sensitive nipples — you were panting from the friction of his throbbing member that was far ready to fuck you senseless, just brushing against your upper thigh. You bit down on your lip hard as you looked up at the finely built man behind you who had a smirk stuck to his face before he toyed at your already slick pussy with his fingers.
“Go on… put it in- -” your drunken mind went fuzzy when the dark haired man started to slide through your walls, your hand went slapping against whatever you could reach in the confined space you’d been in as a full moan escaped you — your eyes fluttered from the way Patrick stretched you open on his cock. Keeping both hands on your hips so you didn’t fall over as your legs already begun to go weak. He didn’t even hesitate to plunge into you with a grunt. “I wasn’t- - even planning on.. fucking you tonight, but fuck, I knew you wanted it.” Patrick groaned out while he snapped his hips against your ass and you turned into a mess of whimpers. You’d been in a slight arch for his entrance, cunt clenching around his length so much so you were sure to turn into a stuttering mess within minutes.
Arts reddened cock was on your mind as he’d been right ahead of you just in reach of your sloppy fuck with the brunette. And as “Oh ! Fuck.. yes, yes” was being thrusted out of you, you still reached out to start stroking him. Art hissed on contact with your warm palms on his shaft like you’d been a pro. And he was gorgeous, eyebrows knitted away as he melted into your heavenly coax of his dick, stiff enough to cum right then just from the voyeurism of it all.
“Baby.. faster- - just like that..” Art groaned before putting a hand on your waist that was being rutted by his friend. You spit on your hand quickly before going back to use it on Art. Your legs were in fact giving out — but the bliss due to the man fucking into you was just too good to let go to waste.
“Patrick..keep fucking me- - mmm.. please, it feels so-so good.” You whine while your wetness sticks to the curve of your inner thighs, you could hear the man’s haughty snicker run through your ears. He was now digging his fingers into your hips, slowing his movements to watching himself pump in and out of your hole with rhythm.
“Hold still, sweet girl.. I’m gonna make you cum- -”
That wasn’t what you needed. But what the heck.
With Patrick pounding a couple cries out of you down the line, he'd been putting his hands roughly in your hair to push you over the ledge as you began to make a mess on his twitching cock. “Mmmh.. f-fuck- yes..!” You couldn’t give a damn at how loud you were being. Your creamy juices were left on the man as he wasted no time to pull out of you and start pumping away at his cock on your backside. Using the wall as a rest with his damp curls stuck to his forehead, he released ropes of his cum on to the dip of your back with a low grunt. By the time he tapped the last few drops on your ass, you had a teasing little hazy smile on your face and Patrick held you up again like used goods.
You got one down. You already knew with a few strokes of your tongue, Art would have that sweet release too. So you got on your knees without a question and attached your generous lips around the blondes member. He closed his eyes to feel the heated wetness of your mouth closing on him. “Oh god,” he panted as you suctioned your lips around his tip. Te naughtiest kind of sounds leaving you while you sucked a climax from Art at the same time. The feeling of his cock down your throat, mixed with the moaning through the moment his cum flows through, made your mouth feel totally full and fucked out. Art cursed at the way you looked so pretty taking him on your knees like this — but he thought you were far too comely to be down there for long, so as soon as you swallowed he helped you rise to your feet with a small stumble, but the man managed to keep you aligned as he grabbed hold of you with a soft grin.
“You’re too good, even drunk. I mean, shit..” Patrick panted as he observed your state. Just like before. Arms flung over Arts shoulders as you leaned into him with flirtatiousness.
“You fuck good.” You eyed him back, your voice was a little too impressed to the brunette, but he was appreciative of the acknowledgement. You had focused on the blonde again, whose chest was against yours, running your finger over his cheek in playfulness with a small giggle.
“And you have to play Ken in me next time..”
He looked down as he just couldn’t help himself but shy away from your compliment. “next time, huh ?” Art questioned with a soft chuckle, You nodded and kept your place temptingly close to the blondes lips. “Well then, we’ve gotta get you home first.”
After Patrick and Art insisted on paying for your Uber back to your apartment, they were also nearly begging for your number as well — and after a few waters to sober up, and a kind hearted snap of your seatbelt from one of the boys, you eventually did give in.
You nearly forgot you had a pay to pick up from your friends at your hangover brunch the next morning, and of course the girls wanted all the details about everything from the previous night while bills were paid to you gladly.
You planned on giving the two hot guys at the bar a handjob and couple kisses at the beginning. But exposing to your friends that you got to cum on Patrick’s cock while you jerked off Art and sealed your deal was an extra bonus as they both ended up being as sweet as they come.
Maybe two boyfriends wouldn’t hurt.
#challengers#art donaldson#patrick zweig#x reader#art donaldson x female reader#art donaldson x reader#patrick zweig x female reader#patrick zweig x reader#patrick zweig smut#challengers fic#challengers x reader#challengers smut#artrick smut#artrick#artrick x reader#chlmtsdoll writes
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How to Tell If That Post of Advice Is AI Bullshit
Right, I wasn't going to write more on this, but every time I block an obvious AI-driven blog, five more clutter up the tags. So this is my current (April 2024) advice on how to spot AI posts passing themselves off as useful writing advice.
No Personality - Look up a long-running writing blog, you'll notice most people try to make their posts engaging and coming from a personal perspective. We do this because we're writers and, well, we want to convey a sense of ourselves to our readers. A lot of AI posts are straight-forward - no sense of an actual person writing them, no variation in tone or text.
No Examples - No attempts to show how pieces of advice would work in a story, or cite a work where you could see it in action. An AI post might tell you to describe a person by highlighting two or three features, and that's great, but it's hard to figure out how that works without an example.
Short, Unhelpful Definitions - A lot of what I've seen amount to two or three-sentence listicles. 'When you want to write foreshadowing, include a hint of what you want foreshadowed in an earlier chapter.' Cool beans, could've figured that out myself.
SEO/AI Prompt Language Included - I've seen way too many posts start with "this post is about..." or "now we will discuss..." or "in this post we will..." in every single blog. This language is meant to catch a search engine or is ChatGPT reframing the prompt question. It's not a natural way of writing a post for the average tumblr user.
Oddly Clinical Language - Right, I'm calling out that post that tried to give advice on writing gay characters that called us "homosexuals" the entire time. That's a generative machine trying to stay within certain parameters, not an actual person who knows that's not a word you'd use unless you were trying to be insulting or dunking on your own gay ass in the funniest way possible.
Too Perfect - Most generative AI does not make mistakes (this is how many a student gets caught trying to use it to cheat). You can find ways to make it sound more natural and have it make mistakes, but that takes time and effort, and neither of those are really a factor in these posts. They also tend to have really polished graphics and use the same format every time.
Maximized Tags (That Are Pointless) - Anyone who uses more than 10 one-word tags is a cop. Okay, fine, I'm joking, but there's a minimal amount of tags that are actually useful when promoting a post. More tags are not going to get a post noticed by the algorithm, there is no algorithm. Not everyone has to use their tags to make snarky comments, but if your tags look like a spambot, I'm gonna assume you're a spambot.
No Reblogs From The Rest of Writblr - I'm always finding new Writblr folks who have been around for awhile, but every real person I've seen reblogs posts from other people. We've all got other stuff to do, I'm writing this blog to help others and so are they, the whole point of tumblr is to pass along something you think is great.
While you'll probably see some variation in the future - as people get wise to obviously generated text, they'll try to make it look less generated - but overall, there's still going to be tells to when something is fake.
I don't have any real advice for what to do about this (other than block those blogs, which is what I do). Like most AI bullshit, I suspect most of these blogs are just another grift, attempting to build large follower counts to leverage or sell something to in the future. They may progress past these tattletale features, but I'm still going to block them when I see them. I don't see any value in writing advice compiled from the work of better writers who put the effort in when I can just go find those writers myself.
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she's three years younger than i am, and i put on cascada as a throwback, cackling - before your time! i've been borrowing my brother's car, and it's older than dirt, so the trunk is like, maybe permanently locked. when the sun comes through the window to frame her cheekbones, i feel like i'm 16 again. i shake when i'm kissing her, worried i won't get it right.
in 2003, my state made gay marriage legal. where she grew up, it wasn't legal until 11 years later - 10 years ago. if legal protections for gay marriage were a person, that person would be entering 5th grade. online, a white gay man calls the fight for legal marriage boring, which isn't kind of him but it is a common enough opinion.
it has only been 9 years since gay marriage was nationally official. it is already boring to have gay people in your tv. it is already boring to mention being gay - "why make it your entire personality?" i know siblings that have a larger age gap than the amount of time it's been legally protected. i recently saw a grown man record himself crying about how evil gay people are. he was begging us, red in the face - just do better.
i am absolutely ruined any time my girlfriend talks about being 27 (i know!! a child!), but we actually attended undergrad at the same time since i had taken off time to work between high school and college. while walking through the city, we drop our hands, try not to look too often at each other. the other day i went to an open mic in a basement. the headlining comedian said being lesbian isn't interesting, but i am a lesbian, if you care. as a joke, she had any lesbian raise their hand if present. i raised mine, weirdly embarrassed at being the single hand in a sea of other faces. she had everyone give me a round of applause. i felt something between pride and also throwing up.
sometimes one thing is also another thing. i keep thinking about my uncle. he died in the hospital without his husband of 35 years - they were not legally wed, so his husband could not enter. this sounds like it should be from 1950. it happened in 2007. harassment and abuse and financial hardship still follow any person who is trying to get married while disabled. marriage equality isn't really equal yet.
and i don't know that i can ever put a name to what i'm experiencing. sometimes it just feels... so odd to watch the balance. people are fundamentally uninterested in your identity, but also - like, there's a whole fucking bastion of rabid men and women who want to kill you. your friends roll their eyes you're gay we get it and that is funny but like. when you asked your father do you still love me? he just said go to your room. you haven't told your grandmother. disney is on their 390th "first" gay representation, but also cancelled owl house and censored the fuck out of gravity falls. you actively got bullied for being gay, but your advisor told you to find a different gimmick for your college essay - everyone says they're gay these days.
once while you were having a hard day you cried about the fact that the reason our story is so fucking boring to so many people is that it is so similar. that it is rare for one of us to just, like, have a good experience across the board. that our stories often have very parallel bends - the dehumanization, the trauma, the trouble with trusting again. these become rote instead of disgusting. how bad could it be if it is happening to so many people?
i kiss my girlfriend when nobody is looking. i like her jawline and how her hands splay when she's making a joke. there is nothing new about this story, sappho. i love her like opening up the sun. like folding peace between the layers of my life, a buttercream of euphoria, freckles and laughter and wonder.
my dad knows about her. i've been out to him since i was 18 - roughly four years before the supreme court would protect us. the other day he flipped down the sun visor while driving me to the eye doctor. "you need to accept that your body was made for a husband. you want to be a mother because you were made for men, not women." he wants me to date my old high school boyfriend. i gagged about it, and he shook his head. he said - "don't be so dramatic. you can get used to anything."
the other day a straight friend of mine snorted down her nose about it, accidentally echoing him - she said there are bigger problems in this world than planning a wedding.
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