#no actually i'm coming back to finish that thought: why do any of this (vague hand gesture) if you're just going to try to contort it away

[myrmica]

this'll probably get rehashed in a blog post at some point because i have more to say. but the thing about watchers, or any reading of the life series that takes it from "game people are willingly participating in for fun" to "fucked up situation people are trapped in by a higher power" is that the cultural imagination for death game fiction does largely fall into that second category; minecraft hunger games as a foundational part of early mc pvp tournaments is literally Minecraft Hunger Games. but these things are also usually a social critique of some kind, and to write a social critique requires a grounded world with history and governmental systems and all of this stuff that minecraft never NATURALLY has. when you play out the hunger games in minecraft it becomes a decontextualized tournament for tournament's sake. the archetecture of minecraft as a setting implies that, unless something else is clearly and intentionally set up to take it's place (for example, qsmp's federation as an in-universe entity keeping the players "trapped"), a minecraft server is a thing that people join intentionally and can leave as they please. life series is very much just minecraft. the thing that makes a "trapped by a higher power" story meaningful, its defined world and system, is absent. so the watchers as a villainous force end up feeling directionless, especially when they've traveled so far from the starting point of evo's little meta nod to the audience/early-mc herobrine allusion that mapping them onto the audience nets you... nothing really? like, "the audience controls the death game" no we don't, the players do. "the audience... likes watching the death game" yeah, because it's minecraft?

[dunmeshistash]

G'day, I hope you are doing well.

Ever since I finished the story of Dungeon Meshi (all supplementary material included) I've been writing down bullet points on characters in addition to in-depth synopses as a way to tidy up my rather busy mind. To this end I've also greatly enjoyed reading other folks' interpretations of particular characters, as it gives me further insight into aspects of that character I may have glossed over.

However, there's one character I'm struggling to write a cohesive synopsis about, that being none other than 'miss enigma' herself, Falin Touden. I get that her whole shtick is that she's kind of a mystery, but I find myself drawing a lot of blanks when it comes to her as a character, and while I have nailed down some important bullet points, there are a lot of different interpretations on her, all of which starkly contrast one another. Though perhaps it's just the wording. Hard to say.

It could very well be that I'm being too dense i.e. perceiving "Falin is willing to risk killing others to save her friends." and "Falin, in the heat of the moment, when faced with certain death, was willing to face the prospect of harming potential passersby in a final Hail Mary to get her friends to safety." as entirely different observations. I have a hard time with those kinds of things.

With this being a hub for all sorts of observations, interpretations and cool trivia, I was wondering if you'd perhaps be willing to share how you yourself perceive Falin as a character, so I can compare notes and perhaps gain a more proper understanding of her as a character as a result. I know this question is very broad and kind of vague, but if you could spare the time I'd be most grateful.

Other than that, I wish you an excellent day.

Hello!!! I love Falin!!!!!

She *is* a mystery, we mostly know Falin through the perception other characters have of her instead of a direct deep look onto who she is, which I find very interesting. I think the best post I've seen about her (which as usual I can't remember where edit: someone linked it thank uu) I think called her perceived altruism/love "selfish" and I've been thinking about that ever since.

In that sense the way she cares so much about the comfort of people around her might be a way to keep *her own* comfort because she doesn't want to see other people suffer.

This girly died and came back to life from bones and the first thoughts she has is that she caused trouble for her loved ones

She probably has felt this way since she was a child, "because of her" that her family was torn apart "because of her" that Laios left, her mom was sick, her father had to send her away. (wasn't actually her fault but she might think it is)

I imagine ever since then Falin has done her best to not cause trouble and to make the people she loves happy, everything we know about her and the things she was doing was always for the people she loved, that's why I enjoy the post canon comic where Toshiro asks her hand in marriage again so much. The first time she considers accepting just because "might as well" while for the second time she finally wants to live for herself.

I think Falin herself has lost who she "really is" by trying to accommodate everyone around her and that's probably part of why we ourselves don't really know her, so much so that the most cynical character is uncomfortable around her (probably cause he notices Falin is "hiding" something)

I think Falin is quite the melancholic character to be honest, someone who has lost herself in self sacrifice and who is only now learning how to live for herself doing what she wants.

Both the teleportation scene and the bit about healing show "cracks" in the selfless front she puts out tbh. By context I don't think what she did was only due to "desperation of the moment" she says out loud "Even if I end up hurting others I want you and my brother to live on". She weighted out how much suffering she might cause and decided she wanted to save them anyway, and I'm sure in that calculation she knew that they would suffer because of her sacrifice too.

Falin is saving them for herself, I'm not great with words so this is all over the place and maybe sounds a little negative about Falin but the thing is, you cannot live your life for other people, you can't sacrifice yourself for other people's happiness, you shouldn't erase your own presence so others are happier and I think Falin is starting to learn that by the end.

I'd probably keep rambling without getting anywhere and missing a lot of more meaningful moments but I'll stop here, if anyone has recs for Falin analysis please share!

[zeninslut]

Three strikes, you're (not going) out!

Tw:  fem!reader, smut, rough sex, drug use (weed), vague descriptions of being high, high sex, needy!Toji, kinda mean!toji, Porn with (minor) plot. Dumbification(?) Thumb in butt, squirting, no use of y/n, minor mentions of scent kink, use of daddy, degradation. 18+ MDNI

Wordcount: 3.5k 

An: Hi guys, ah I'm so nervous as this is my first work so please go easy on me. If you write and you read this I’m always open to constructive criticism :) jus please PLEASE inbox me instead i get embarrassed easily. Also, this fic was inspired by @satorena ‘s  "& drip till we soak the bed " which I enjoyed reading if you couldn't tell so take a look at that. The reader is black coded. Actually, this whole fic is as I am a black girl myself.  also grammar isn't really my thing, i used grammarly but thats about all you're getting from me. I really enjoyed writing this and honestly, I can see myself doing this a lot more often so if you have any suggestions lmk! I’ll probably make a more formal post about that but without further ado:

Truth be told you don’t know how you got here, a couple minutes ago you were just adding on finishing touches to your makeup and spraying yourself with your “good girl” perfume by Carolina Herrera. You were way overdue for a girls’ night with Shoko and honestly, you needed this.

Since dating Toji, he has you stuck in the house all day even when he was busy working. Not letting you leave unless he comes with you like he’s your guard dog. Leaving you to stay at home since he took a gig that was able to retire you and himself but he still likes to work so he doesn’t feel too lazy.

 He doesn’t work that often but his jobs have him gone for a while at a time. Every time he comes home to you, he’s such a big baby. He had just gotten home from a gig a couple days ago too. Needing nothing but you, he smothers you right where you lay on the couch despite your protests of him being dirty (may have not showered for 5 days but when you’re a hitman, you gotta weigh your priorities). He doesn't care, all he needs is you. After a couple times, you get used to it, even developing a thing for his natural musk.

You play with his hair pressing soft kisses on his forehead occasionally using the opportunity to smell his scalp as he lays on your soft plush body. He loves to spend his days off being with you, accompanying you with the smallest of tasks. When you ask him why he likes being around when you’re reading a book he just tells you to go back to reading but truth be told, you quiet his mind. Even without saying anything, your presence puts him at peace allowing his mind to rest from all the turmoil inside.

When Toji comes back from a gig it normally means you won't be leaving anytime soon and if you do, he’s standing right beside you in all his massive glory. So when he walked in you knew you needed to get away fast before he caught- 

“Well, well, well, what do we have here?” he asked with the usual arrogant smirk on his face as he takes in the sight of you in this enticing dress (strike one). you notice the already lit blunt in his hand as the wedding cake smoke clouds fill the bathroom quickly. He stands behind you and gazes at you in the mirror as he takes a hit. You can practically hear the thoughts that fill his head as he leaves the blunt on his lips and starts to play with your ass. One hand on your back pressing and bending you into a pretty little arch for him. “ Tojiiiii please I have to meet Shoko I haven't seen her in weeks…” you beg him with pleading doe eyes and he almost immediately feels his dick twitch (strike two). “ aww yea?” he asks and you can hear the mockery in his voice already. “ you so fuckin pretty mama, Shoko needa see you all dolled up like this?” he says smoothly while practically eye fucking you. He finally tears his eyes off your plush fat ass to meet your gaze in the mirror.

His heavy vermin eyes bore into you with predatory hunger, he looked like he could eat you up and he truly was contemplating it. Especially after he got a whiff of your perfume, his absolute favorite. But he didn't think that you deserved it, oh no especially not after you tried to sneak off in this slutty ass dress without telling him.

It’s not like telling him would have changed anything though. He has no problem letting you get all dolled up before events so he could absolutely ruin you right as you leave. He just can't help himself. 

He presses himself into you not breaking eye contact “You tryna leave me already baby?” he says charmingly as he feels his eyes get heavier and heavier from the weed.  He begins to grind his fat heavy dick between your soft asscheeks slipping back and forth between them in the tight silky fabric of your dress. “ I missed you though mama..” he whispers in your ear as he pulls you up to press his larger front half into your smaller back half. He takes the blunt out his mouth to plant delicate kisses all over your neck and collarbone.  “ Toji…” you whine again “please? I’ll be a good girl and I’ll be back before it gets really late so we can watch snowfall like you like to…” (strike three, you’re out!) 

You were just so cute thinking that you would get out of this especially after you referred to yourself as a “good girl”. 

Aww, what a cutie bringing up my fav show like that… calling herself a good girl. yea imma make sure she real good fa me  He thinks to himself. 

Maybe he would’ve let you go if he wasn’t high (chances would be slim to none but better than your chances now) but how could he? He always got so affectionate and horny when he got high even though his body is way stronger than the average human male. Which is crazy because already has the sex drive of a rabbit. “Yea?” he asks pressing your whole body into the bathroom counter. His hands find purchase on your bare back as the dress was backless. He tugs on the Gucci thong (courtesy of him btw) you're wearing the fuck? his eye twitches, and all hopes of salvation are absolutely demolished as he smirks evilly but you can't even see him as he presses your head onto the counter.

Of course she tries to leave in this slutty ass outfit without me, what the hell wrong with this girl? then she got the nerve to look at me like that like my dick not already hard. She just makes this too easy for me and way harder on herself 

“Give me a lil show and maybe just MAYBE I'll have mercy on you tonight” he lies. His fingers find your hair and pull you up to look at him in the mirror. You sigh as you feel his other hand lift your dress up but honestly, you love this. You both knew he was lying but you couldn’t help but play into it. You love how he can’t get enough of you, especially in his high daze. You feel the tip of his clothed dick prod against the thin fabric barely covering your fat puffy folds. You rub your fat ass all over his heavy length feeling it get harder and harder by the second. His breathing becomes deeper as he holds the blunt in his hand. You place your hand on his bare abs. “ let me hit it” you say looking back at him straight in the eyes referring to the blunt and you feel his dick twitch under you. Yea, it’s safe to say Shoko was not seeing you tonight. 

Now that you think about it you know exactly how your slutty ass got here, standing on your tippy toes, throwing your fat ass back on your man and his hefty dick. He watches in awe, blunt trapped between his lips, lost in the waves. He loved when you did the work for him honestly, your slick warm cunny milking him for everything he’s got left, he could stay like this forever and he really wanted to. Full you up nice and full and send you on your merry way to Shoko but he knew you would be tired after he was done for you. Shit, you might even be tired now he thinks when he feels you abruptly stop.

He furrows his eyebrows as his eyes meet your tear-stained ones in the mirror and he feels his dick twitch and throb. He knows he’s a sick man, getting off to you crying from exhaustion but he truly can’t help himself. He really is a sadist at heart. Every time he feels like he can’t get harder he does. He puts out the blunt before placing both his hands on the arch of your back 

“aww my slutty baby getting tired huh? you wanna cum don’t you?” he asks lowly and you only nod in response as your legs shake. He kisses his teeth and lands a heavy smack on your ass which makes you jolt with him still inside of you “words mama, you need to use your words” he says as glares at you in the mirror. “yes daddy hmph, I wanna cum please” you beg your eyes not leaving his. “then fucking take it and make yourself cum all over this dick. Who told you to stop he fuck? You think yo lil ass in charge now?” he spits at you harshly and lands another smack on your ass as he feels you flutter around him. He knows exactly what to say to get you going. You whimper but get on your tippy toes again working towards your orgasm. “ that’s it, there you go mama. This yo dick pretty girl.” you moan loudly feeling your walls clench around him from his words. He smirks knowing that he will forever have you in his grasp by that smooth ass mouth of his. “damn baby you taking me so well… So deep too. you better make a fucking mess on this dick too. Fuckkk, look at you, already wetting it up. ” he groans lowly as he stares at where you guys connect and glare back at you in the mirror.

His gaze is tense and unwavering watching your face contort from the pleasurable pain of impaling yourself on his dick. You practically saw hearts in his eyes from the way he looked at you. You feel your face grow hot as you look away feeling embarrassed from the intimacy. As you look away you feel his big hand cup the entirety of your face and force your gaze to meet his.

You swear you can hear him say “ look at me “ but his mouth remains closed as he makes sure you understand. 

“youn wanna look at me no more?” he asks with fake sadness “I don't give a single fuck. look at me while you use my cock. I’m so deep inside you, I can feel that cervix. You’re doing that baby, You know that?” he then works his hand to your throat and grabs it to use it as leverage to press your body firmly against his. He fights the urge to take control as you continue to work yourself back onto him.” you the one that got me digging me in you like this. Such a slut taking me this deep yea? You feeling me baby?” he asks you with incredible finesse and you were in fact feeling him, digging you out due to your own doing.

Each thrust backwards being met with a delicious pleasure forming a knot building in your stomach. “ cause I'm feeling you, so warm and tight. You feel so good baby” he moans to you without shame. “ooo shitttt, I feel you baby”’ you moan loudly feeling your body give out to the sensation of being full.  “you like that huh? You like that I can feel your insides warming me up and begging me not to leave? Don’t worry my pretty girl, I'm not going anywhere and neither are you.” you moan loudly at his words feeling yourself get closer with each thrust backward. You feel your legs shake and your feet cramping as you get closer to your orgasm. “that's it, use me. Make yourself cream all over this dick and I promise imma make you squirt on it next” he all but begs you. Your eyes are torn away from him as they roll back to your head. You fuck yourself back onto him through your orgasm, creaming on him with a loud cry. 

 You genuinely cannot continue fucking him but you still need him inside you so your actions slow to a stop and he pulls himself out of you “Toji? ” you look back at the Greek god-like physique of the man behind you in desperation. He stares at your pretty pussy for a min as you whine for him. “Beg.” he says now slapping his fat cock head on your clit making you jolt. You reach your hand behind you to hold and stroke his cock, taping it on your entrance too hoping he will give in but every time you try to slide him in, he pulls away. When that doesn’t work you get frustrated resorting to the brat he knows all too well.

“Are you gonna fuck me or what? Like seriously. You already ruined my night out and god knows when I will get the chance to see the fucking sun again since you like to hold me captive for decades at a time” you say annoyed as you glare at him through the mirror. His face holds something unreadable and that should’ve been your sign to stop talking but oh what the hell, you’re already here now. You smirk maliciously as the next words leave your mouth. “Or are you just so damn high that you can’t even handle me right now? You’re such a baby. I smoked more of that blunt than you did, you fucking lightweight. You need a nap baby boy?” your words are laced with unmistaken condescendence. 

He opens the bathroom drawer next to you and grabs the candle lighter, relighting the blunt. “fucking finish this shit. I’m not fucking playing with you either, you better take everything I give you” looks you dead back in your eyes and by the tone of his voice, he has had enough of your bullshit tonight. You take it from him and follow his orders, hitting it while he fixes your arch nice and deep for him. “ and you better keep this fucking arch too because if I have to fix it for you, you won’t like it.” he grumbles angrily as he lines himself up at your entrance again. “can’t handle you right now? That weak-ass sorry-ass arch you had throwing that shit back to me, you lucky I’m in love with yo sexy ass.” he fires back at you. He was lying though, he definitely was mesmerized at the way you moved your perfect body even when he was the one so deep so deep inside you. He throws his head back and rolls his neck and you can only brace yourself for what happens next. It all happens so fast. 

Soul-crushing and spine-shattering couldn’t even describe it.

The roach of the blunt remains in your hand, your eyes roll back and your mouth stays agape in pure ecstasy as Toji fastly thrusts into you. He gives you fast, hard strokes as his girth fills you up hitting all the right places. “ Do I need a nap??? Do you know who the fuck I am?” he boasts as he drives his body into yours. Between damn near finishing that blunt and the rough treatment from Toji, you were genuinely on cloud nine.

Repetitive moans left your mouth that could only be described as lewd. He leans back and smirks looking at the mess of a brat he made. His eyes find your puckering hole and he smiles to himself. He can’t even fight off the thoughts of making you his favorite bowling ball. 

You on the other hand can’t even understand what this man is doing to you before his thumb is in your mouth. “wet this shit up fa me yea? Can you do that fa me baby?” he asks you with a saccharine tone. You are like putty in his hands, all cute and pliant for him. He watches you lustfully as you suck his thumb and spit on it heavily.  He then uses both of his hands to spread you wide for him before spitting a glob onto the tight ring of your ass. He thumbs the hole, feeling it flutter underneath his touch practically inviting him in. He grins cockily at the visual, he already knows this is your favorite trick of his. You whimper as he swirls his thumb around the hole teasing you. He knows this is just what you need to throw you over the edge. “ you want it in your butt huh?” he looks at you once again through the mirror but you can't even meet his eyes, only moaning the word yes over and over again. He decides to have mercy on you but still doesn’t spare you the hard time. He sinks his fat thumb into your asshole and almost immediately he feels you clamping down on him. 

“What a slut. You a butt slut baby?” he asks you finding your reaction too funny. Who would know his perfect girlfriend likes to have her pretty tight asshole played with. He moves his thumb around in your ass using it as a hook to fuck you deeper and you all but moan at the stimulation.  “say it, say you're my dumb butt slut” he commands.

Honestly, he doesn’t need to hear this, he just wants to see how far you gone you are and he truly finds out how lost you are when you scream about how much you love when he puts his thumb in your butt proclaiming over and over again that you are in fact his stupid butt slut. He laughs to himself while doing his finishing move. He begins to move his thumb in and out of your tight hole feeling it hold onto him while his other hand moves to your clit. He starts rubbing rapid fast circles and quickly your legs buckle beneath you being caught by the counter. 

Your feet are above ground as he fucks you harder and rougher. He’s really fucking you into the counter at this point and you are loving every single second of it. Pornographic is the only word that can describe the sounds coming from the bathroom and even that would be an understatement. Your vision becomes blotchy as he works your body. Your legs are close together and shaking while the ever-forming knot in your stomach gets ready to release. Even though Toji is really putting that work in, he’s coming close to his release as well. Your pretty slick cunt giving him a run for his money like always. He can feel you clenching tighter and tighter as he feels himself inside you through the tissue separating your pussy and ass and he almost cums right there. He can never understand how you take him so well, the visual of both your holes being stuffed forms a desire in his mind that can only be described as animalistic.

"you boutta cum baby?” He questions you a couple of seconds before your release but he already knows the answer. “ cum all on this dick so I can fill you up and you gotta stay inside with me forever.” his words through you over the edge as well as him suddenly pulling his thumb that was so deep in your ass out, making you squirt all over his hefty length in a loud shriek.

The visual of you squirting around him and your fluttering asshole makes his release find him earlier than anticipated as he shoots his hot thick ropes of cum inside you with the most guttural moans you had heard in a while. He stays inside you softening and then pulls out slowly, plugging you back up with his fingers. He needs to make sure it stays in. You moan at the overstimulation but you don't protest smiling hazily as he enjoys your fucked out expression. 

You feel him planting gentle kisses down your back praising you for taking him so well. He then pulls his fingers out bringing them to your mouth to lick, lifts your dress back down, and puts the thong back on you despite your weak shaking legs and overfilling cunt quickly leaking through the fabric of it. He leaves for a second and you look at your disheveled appearance in the mirror. Hair and makeup all fucked up. He comes back into your field of vision holding car keys. 

“ I’ll drop you off at Shoko’s place c'mon” he smirks admiring his work.

He knew damn well… 

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH🦅

[emi-love]

All I want in my merthur is Arthur to trust Merlin to toxic lengths and Merlin to never, ever misuse that trust. I want Arthur to be slapped with one hundred evidences against Merlin but not believe in Merlin’s fault because Merlin said he didn’t do it, and he actually didn’t. I want Arthur to not know but know about Merlin’s magic, and Merlin to know that Arthur knows but doesn’t know because he cannot know because Uther is the king. I want Arthur to have absolute faith at all times in Merlin, that Merlin is able to save him and his kingdom, and Merlin being unsure of himself, but never giving up, because he knows that Arthur trusts him, even if he cannot say it, because he doesn’t know, but knows, and Merlin cannot let him down.  

I want everyone around them to see how they constantly bicker and banter and have that thought that they hate one another, that they think each other stupid, but at the same time to know not to come between them, because you’ll be lost if you take Arthur away from Merlin, or Merlin away from Arthur. I want the nobles to think that Merlin is stupid and incompetent but treat him with kindness because they are scared of what Arthur will do to them if they dare disrespecting Merlin. I want bitter sorcerers once in the while come in with the plan to finish Arthur, but back away, because they recognise Emrys, the greatness of his power, and they are too afraid of what he would do to them if they attempted to hurt his king.  

I also want Arthur to be badass, and Merlin to have trust in Arthur’s badassery. I want Arthur to actually be the greatest king to ever live, not just some vaguely okay king with good intentions and pure heart, and I want Merlin to actually be the saviour of magic, not a cute twink manipulated by bitter dragon and a little corrupted physician. I want Arthur to actually be that skilled knight he always claims to be, not a one who can be defeated by that one random blonde sorceress with little to no effort, I want Merlin to actually know something about magic except for how to use it, not to being forced to run between Gaius and the dragon and Freya and Catha and the druids to find everything out.

I want them to be so epic and so unhealthy (but it's okay because they are that way only about each other and Arthur would never break Merlin’s faith and Merlin would never break Arthur’s trust) and so skilled (I'm still thinking about that one secret room full of magical books that was introduced in the episode with the goblin and then never brought up again- like why was Merlin not getting any education. like I mean, the spells are important part of magic, but there’s other stuff, too, that Merlin should know. Merlin should have received the same education Morgana did. like, Morgause had Morgana for a year and Gaius had Merlin for ten. why is that twink so confused. and we all know how eager Merlin is to learn magic stuff. Gaius had completely failed him) and I want Arthur to be a fucking high king and I want Merlin to be his court sorcerer and consort and most trusted advisor at the same time.

[genericpuff]

The excessively passive voice when talking about Minthe being intended to have BPD is hilarious. "It was thought to have her written with BPD"? So weird

Honestly, once you start noticing this passive voice in how Rachel writes and talks, it's kind of hard to unsee.

Like, for starters, the BPD example. It's very non-committal, almost as if to sound like she never actually wrote her with BPD, it was just an 'idea' that she could neither confirm or deny as canon. But then you read the episode with the slap and-

It's- it's literally called "Splitting". It's about as subtle as a brick to the face. This entire episode showcases Minthe having an actual literal episode of splitting and it's plain as day to anyone who can read the title card and put two and two together. So for the wording to be so passive around her characterization... it wasn't "thought" to have her written with BPD, she was written with BPD.

Another example that sticks out in my mind of Rachel's passive writing is far later in Season 3, when Demeter reunites with Persephone and naturally expects her to come back home with her.

This line still fucking bothers me to this day. Besides the fact that it's just really poorly written dialogue, Persephone describes her being in love with Hades as if it's just some coincidental thing that happened to her that she can't avoid and not a deliberate choice she's making. "It would seem" my ass, Persephone is a coward for not being upfront and just talking to her mother like an adult by saying, "Mother, I love you, and I understand why you want me to come home, but I'm in love with Hades and want to stay in the Underworld with him." Instead the way it's worded is almost designed to absolve Persephone of any and all agency in her own decisions and active participation in her relationship with Hades by instead making it out to be just some circumstance that she can't get herself out of.

Again, this isn't quite as egregious as the aforementioned BPD scene, but it's still irritating because Rachel writes like this a lot throughout LO. And it's not just the dialogue either, entire decisions throughout the comic are flip-flopped and kept vague by Rachel so she can give herself plausible deniability over the narrative. I could come up with some of my own examples, but I think she managed to speak for herself just fine in the end-of-series Q&A that left both critics and fans of the series massively confused and disappointed:

LO is full of half-committed plotlines because Rachel herself can't commit to her own decisions. So the decisions she does make are left vague enough that hardcore fans are willing enough to fill in the blanks themselves, but anyone who asks her genuinely what her plan was, she just gives the same wordy "IDK it's up to your interpretation!" response. It's like she thinks people are asking her as just another reader who can only speculate, but she's literally the author, so why is she acting like her guess is as good as theirs?

Well, because that's how she wrote LO. That's how she's always written comics, with vague half-finished thoughts and just enough for readers to do the mental gymnastics of making sense of it all just to give her the credit for "smart writing" that she never actually did because she stopped paying attention after the first sentence. And that method of being vague for the sake of audience interpretation is fine for illustrations or anything that isn't trying to be a concise narrative, but LO did try to be that and it really shows how hard it failed in doing so when its own creator can't even come up with something slightly plausible to explain all the questions people had in the end. "There is some backstory there" but proceeds to not actually expand on said backstory. "I like to imply things without outright telling people", so do I, but the difference is that Rachel is using that as a crutch to not answer the questions she setup for her readers and then didn't resolve after five years. There's not wanting to spoon feed people the plot, and then there's literally refusing to explain your decisions when writing said plot, almost because you don't know any more than they do.

The entirety of LO is rooted in Rachel's passiveness, from her inability to answer questions concisely to every little plot point that was established and dropped throughout the comic's run. Writing a story is a series of decisions, deciding what to keep, deciding what not to keep, deciding what has to be changed, etc. and Rachel just... doesn't seem like someone who's ever been capable of making those decisions, especially when she's writing an actual long form story to the end and doesn't have the luxury of dropping it whenever it feels convenient for her like she did several times with The Doctor Pepper Show. Once she was actually held to a standard, once she was actually signed into a contract that expected her to make those decisions, she failed to and it culminated in one of the messiest conclusions to a story I've seen since Game of Thrones.

LO is kind of like Schrodinger's Cat - a plot point can be or not be whatever it needs to be so that Rachel can be either praised for smart writing she never did or absolved of bad writing that she did do. It's equally parts interesting and vague enough that whatever her readers give her credit for writing, she can give them a thumbs-up and go "you're totally right, champ!" and proceed to take all the credit of being a "good writer" from the efforts of her own audience who had to jump through a million hoops to make sense of her own messy writing.

But when she's put on the spot by those very same readers to answer for her own decisions, she can't.

Because she never made them.

Because there was never anything "deeper" going on, that's just what her style of "distraction writing" made you believe. The plot never lets you stop to think about what you just read long enough before zipping away to the next thing and distracting you with a new twist or a new character or a new plot point, and before you know it, you've gone weeks without reading about the last thing that was established you probably haven't even realized that those questions never got answered. Sometimes Rachel remembers to get back to those things and resolves them within a handful of panels, other times she forgets them entirely and just leaves them to rot in the hopes that no one ever calls her out on it. And when they do... she can just pull the get-out-of-jail-free "Welp, it's up to your interpretation!" card and get that credit all over again for being deep and insightful, meanwhile those who are rightfully dissatisfied with that answer are blanket-accused of "getting mad at Rachel for not writing the story they wanted".

To close out this ask that, per tradition, turned into an essay, I'd like to recall the famous words of fictional detective Benoit Blanc: "Look into the clear center of this glass onion... Miles Bron is an idiot!"

[kanmom51]

Minimoni - album exchange - JM's Muse

Well my friends, this was certainly something.

I'm going to talk about somethings in this video that stood out to me, not necessarily in the order they came.

I must say, JM did surprise me. We got a level of candor from him we have never got before. And when I say candor I don't mean JM has not been truthful with us in the past, he has. But he is JM. In situations like these, the master of telling us it all without telling us anything.

When it came to Face JM talked. He told us how personal Face was to him. How he took all his pain and struggles and put it into these songs that also represent a progression in a chronological order ending with SMF pt. 2. He told us all that, and then at the same time left it so vague not going into any details. But it wasn't only the album he didn't talk much about, as we all know. And do we talk about Letter and how so very vague he was when it came to that song? The surprise, the "fan song", which he basically would not say more than two words about?

Funny how open and calm and relaxed JM is while talking about this song, eh? Not a hint of shyness. Not a glimmer of evasiveness. Just saying it loud and clear.

And very curious how for a man that was basically working on the two albums practically at the same time in his 2 mini albums he had 2 songs for the fans... Nope. Not curious at all. Because one of those songs was definitley not for the fans. Not like this one, which he tells us to think of as a letter... very funny when he has an actual song called Letter in Face. Only thing is that that Letter was not addressed to us AT ALL, while this one is!!!

You think his use of the word letter for Closer than this is a coincidence? Not thought out? Wrong once again. It's a conscious choice of a word !! One word that basically tells us EVERYTHING.

That was me kind of starting at the end. I just had to get it out of my system before getting into the nitty gritty of the rest.

Another thing we got from JM was just how easy it was for him to talk about JK in this 27 minute video.

First we get from him that JK was the first to hear the songs.

He tells RM that he is the first to listen to the Album though. Meaning, RM would be the first to listen to the songs in the order they are put on the album, as per his concept.

JM tells us later on in the video how he finished recording the songs early June 2023. And here he says that JK heard the songs back during their trip (in July 2023). The use of "since" makes me believe it is the July trip rather than the later one to Jeju. And telling RM he's the first to listen to the album means that JK got to hear them right after JM recorded them, not necessarily all at once, and not in the order they are heard on the album.

Then JM mentions the fact that they are going into the army together.

Now this one is curious to me.

This video was shot a day before JM was off to Hungary to shoot his MV. Mid November. What I find curious is him bringing it up like it was something that RM was not aware of...

It comes up as part of their conversation about JM's voice, how he is in the process of learning how to sing again, in a way that will not damage his voice.

Talking about that he says this:

RM steering him in the direction he wanted, which was the vocal tutors not JK... Lol.

This is clearly something the talk about a lot. And when I say they I mean JM and JK.

So JM talks about the vocal tutor and the things he has been doing to improve himself in that sense, and then this comes:

RM's reaction. "Oh right". So he knew. Which was understandable seeing that this was such a huge thing. Than why JM mentioning it? Well, probably explained by what comes next. But basically JM is telling RM, and us of course, that he is going to be practicing his singing with JK during their joint service. Yes haters. This is JM telling you that as much as you wish otherwise, the two of them are together right now, just doing their Jikook things when they can. And that includes, among many other things, having hours of conversation and practicing their singing.

So, here's what JM had to say:

Let's talk about this for a second here.

Complimenting JK, as he loves to.

Stating the obvious. JM confirming that they spend time together. This is throughout 2023 and while there were those that were once again, as part of the Jikook rollercoaster, claiming the two weren't actually close, not to mention together.

JM's use of wording. This is very important. And I don't even think this was intentional, as in something he was trying to tell us. I think this was just him saying things as they are and the use the different terms is because the situations are different. What am I talking about? JM talking about JK:

Talking about Suga:

When he talks about JK it's "when he and I are drinking together"... it's a regular occurrence. Not a once in a while. Using that term "when we are drinking..." as opposed to the term he uses with Suga "We had drinks with Suga..." 2 thinks we get here. 1st is the use of "having drinks", which implies a once in a while occurrence, and 2nd the use of "we" oh so very naturally. It's the two, together, going to meet Suga for drinks. And even then, Suga being the third wheel, was basically figuratively just thrown right out of their car, left by the road side, them continuing on their ride together, lol.

Love how when RM says "that's why you didn't invite me" JM says "It gets a little deep". Love it because he's basically saying that his conversations with JK are deep (he did say he loved his mind) but also he's kind of also saying what we already know and what he also continues to tell us when talking about them going for drinks with Suga, and that is that they are so deeply into each other that there is no room for another in their interaction/conversation.

JM talks about how they can go on for hours about music when drinking together. One more of the things they do when drinking together, spending those hours together. Yes, JM just also confirmed that they spend HOURS together. Something done regularly as per his wording. And just one more of the things we learnt they tend to do while drinking. Together.

Talking about music, singing, dancing.

Working out,

Giving or getting hickeys,

And having Ramyeon...

Moving on.

Let's talk about Muse and what JM tells us about it.

JM and RM filmed this just before JM left for Hungary to film his MV for Who, so mid November 2023. The convo about the choice of name was kind of telling. We basically find out that Muse was not yet set as the name for his album. He was really thinking of SGMB as the name, which really also shows us how much they were influenced by The Beatles Sgt. Peppers lonely heart club band album.

RM asks him if it's connected with Face and JM says not so much. He explains that Face was about him, his feelings, getting clarity, or if you want - of autobiographical nature, while Muse is more vague, or if you want - NOT AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL!!!

There is no doubt in my mind that JM, who wrote these songs, used his own experiences and memories and emotions to write them (some he needed reminding of, lol), but at the end of the day from JM's explanation, the concept of Muse is not about himself and not about love. It's him expressing feelings through the universal language of love. We know that language, we understand crushing and attraction and love. And through those he was conveying how he feels about his work, his music, his performances.

Excited over something... not someone...

And JM goes on...

He tried to capture the emotions he was feeling as being like...

tracks one through five:

track six

In a sense, if we are looking at it from this aspect, then indeed, his muse could be that "she" represented in the song. Or, being the artist that he is, and keeping it all vague, it encompasses it all. Those very famous JM layers we see in his art. Through his writing and his concepts and performances and the MV and what it conveys to us.

But I do have to emphasise this: JM wrote the lyrics to Rebirth (a song he states he is his favourite), he took part in writing the lyrics to the other 5 songs (all other than Who). The songs are not autobiographical. That is clear. But as an artist the question is where he draws his inspiration for his lyrics from. We know RM can just make it as he goes, create from nothing, from an idea, from a book he read. JK on the other hand can't. This comes from JK himself. It's something he admitted he would love to learn, but he creates from his own trove of memories and experiences. Songs like Your eyes tell, Film out, not personal, and yet he draws lyrics from his own life experiences...

Does that mean that every single song he wrote is autobiographical? Hell no. It means that his expression comes from feelings and memories and experiences he had. We know JM wrote from his own trove for Face, and there are hints he did the same for Muse (without the autobiographic side of it).

Clarifying once again ... a conceptual album does not mean that the artist does not draw from his own life experiences, his feelings, while writing his songs. It means it's not autobiographical but at same time he might be feeding his own reality into those songs.

All this to say, once again, that even if a song is not about himself, when writing it he takes from his own life experiences and feelings. And that is how we end up with lines like this in Rebirth:

You are the light in my darkness Like the sunshine vibe

This whole interaction:

The shining sun line. Yes, the reference to the sun again. And we know who the sun is.

But there's more. It's how JM talks about the line. It's about him saying he asked for permission from Taeyang to use the line in his song, all while the only word from that line that has to do with Taeyung is Vibe. But even more so their reaction to that line. Both of them. And RM at the end...

And look who's peaking from the window... Lol.

*See comments for connection with Taeyang = sun.

Please tell me RM what is so very funny about that line "shining sun" that has you folding over in laughter???

When talking about writing Rebirth and how hard it was writing the lyrics to the song, he says:

RM's reaction though, lol.

That "Bro..."

The snicker.🤣🤣

JM couldn't remember the last time he had a crush. You know. That kind of heart wrenching one sided feeling towards another (well, you think it's one sided until you have the guts to explore it further).

I can actually help him with that one:

Go look at some good wholesome BTS content back in 2014 and 2015. That, my friend is JM crushing.

And that is also why Mr. leader had his little snicker.

So yeah JM, it was a very long time ago. Since then you discovered the crush was not unrequited, and you happen to be with that same person for what? 9 years or so?

And yet, RM's reaction. Again. Cause JM might have forgotten what it's like to have a crush for someone, but RM on his part, has not forgotten what it was like to have two members in the band he was leader of crushing over each other. That was the start of his nightmare as Jikook's babysitter, lmao.

So yes, very amusing indeed.🤣

At the end RM says he loved Muse better than Face, but Rebirth is his favorite and he loves that song more than the whole of Face. He even thinks that Muse as an album is a lot better than Face.

Couldn't help myself, had to end the post with this RM about JM:

"Such a good FRIENDSHIP!!!", screams someone in the barracks.

🤣🤣

[deakyjoe]

Burnt Cake & Melted Ice Cream

Pairing: Kyle “Gaz” Garrick x Reader

Category: friends to lovers, and they were roommates!

Summary: Gaz returns home from deployment earlier than expected.

Warnings: fluff, kissing, best friends to lovers, reader can’t bake, reader is a bit of a chaotic mess, that’s it I think

Word count: 1.6k

A/N: How am I supposed to pay attention to anything this man is saying when he’s got those big beautiful brown eyes? They’re distracting! Dedicated to @sofasoap who I asked ages ago for advice on this and then never actually got it finished <3

Consider buying me a coffee :)

The cake was burning.

You were blissfully unaware.

Blissful may have been an exaggeration. Unaware was not. In fact, you were entirely too busy cleaning up your living room for the arrival of your best friend and roommate whose plane was scheduled to land in two hours time. You were trying not to panic as you were nowhere near ready to welcome him home and certainly not prepared to leave to go and pick him up from the airport within the next hour. You hadn't even showered yet!

It was a regular thought in your brain about how it was possible for you to make your home such a mess when Gaz was away. It's not like he was regularly doing the housekeeping. But maybe his absence meant that there was no one to keep you in check.

So this happened every time he was on his way home. You'd sweat as you desperately tried to scrub away any evidence of your sinful sloth state while he was away. And hate yourself for leaving it to the last minute as always.

You were knocked out of your hypnotic cleaning state by someone at your front door. Not knocking. Just making a vague scratching sound against the wood. Your first instinct was to attack. In self defence of course. So you grabbed the item closest to you - a bottle of furniture polish.

With the metal tube gripped tightly in two hands, you made your way towards the door where it now sounded like someone was attempting to pick the lock. You desperately tried to remember the moves Gaz had taught you to ward off stranger danger. None of it was coming back to you.

So with the furniture polish held high above your head, and a scream ready to leave your lungs, you waited for the intruder.

You were pleasantly surprised when a familiar face emerged from behind the door and sent you the smile that made the edges of his brown eyes crinkle.

“Hey- what are you doing?” Gaz’s face dropped as he took in your attack stance, gaze flicking over the bottle in your hands back towards your open mouth.

Your hands fell back to your sides, your heart rate decreasing rapidly in relief. “I thought somebody was breaking in!”

“With a key?” He held up the little metal object for you to see.

You sniffed and folded your arms across your chest. “Picking the lock.”

“Ah, right.” He nodded in understanding.

You suddenly realised that he shouldn’t be standing in front of you in your home at that time. "What are you doing here? Your flight isn't supposed to land for another two hours! I'm supposed to be picking you up at the airport!"

Your best friend shrugged. "Yeah, I lied."

You frowned. "Why?"

"Wanted to surprise you."

"But I wanted to surprise you! I baked a cake!”

He unsuccessfully stifled a laugh. “Why did you bake a cake?”

“Welcome home present or something, I don’t know.” You sighed and looked at him properly for the first time, suddenly thankful he was home and healthy. "I missed you."

Gaz visibly relaxed. "I missed you too."

As the two of you embraced with a warm hug, you remembered what state you were in.

You pushed away from him and looked down at yourself. "Shit, I haven't even gotten dressed yet."

He reached out and playfully tugged on the hem of your shirt. "I like you in your pyjamas."

"Not exactly the prettiest sight to come home to though, is it?" You scoffed and slapped his hand away.

He closed the door behind him and kicked his bags to the side. "Do you think I care? I'm just happy to see your face again."

"You've got that photo of me." You countered, starting to walk back to the kitchen.

He followed. "Nothing beats the real thing."

"Well, I can agree with that." You said with a mock arrogant sniff.

With a laugh, Gaz thought about something. "You been wearing that t-shirt I gave you?"

"Yeah.” You glanced away bashfully. “Stole another one from your wardrobe too."

"Why?"

"First one stopped smelling like you." You confessed, stopping in your tracks when the distinct smell of burning hit your nose. You ran towards the oven, switching it off and wrenching the door open. Smoke spilled out in a black cloud. "It's all gone to shit."

Gaz looked over your shoulder. "It's okay. I wasn't very hungry anyway."

You knew he was lying. "You sure?"

"Yeah." He smiled softly at you. "Ice cream?"

You nodded, appreciating how he was sparing your feelings. "Ice cream."

Ice cream was always the solution for the two of you. Bad day at work? Ice cream. Terrible first date? Ice cream. Feeling down? Ice cream. It always worked.

As you pulled the piece of charcoal that was supposed to be a cake out from the oven, Gaz seemed to hesitate at the sight of the ice cream.

“Uhhh…”

You groaned. “What? Don’t tell me we’re out.”

“No, not out.” He paused.

“What then?”

He looked at you with apology in his eyes. "I think our freezer's broken."

“It’s what?!” You gasped, running to his side only to find out that he was correct. Everything in there was very defrosted. Including the completely thawed ice cream which had leaked from its tub into a large melted puddle. “Aw, shit.”

“It’s okay.”

You could’ve cried. “No, it’s not. I just wanted it to be all nice for you when you got home this time and look! I fucked it all up.”

“Broken appliances aren’t your fault.” He swung an arm around your shoulders and pulled you close next to him, burying his nose in the top of your head. Physical affection wasn't uncommon between the two of you. It was, in fact, the back-up plan for when ice cream was out of the picture. “Besides, coming home to you is enough.”

“Shut up, Garrick.” You mumbled but didn’t push him away, instead choosing to wrap your arms around his torso to hug him closer to you.

“Let’s just sit down, order some food and watch a movie, yeah?”

“Alright.” You sighed, letting him drag you back to the living room when the two of you collapsed into the pile of cushions and blankets that you had failed to tidy up before his early arrival.

“Did a bomb go off in here or something?” Gaz looked around the room and took in the disarray.

“Was cleaning.” You grumbled into his shoulder. “Wanted it to be nice.”

“Mhm, you said.” He paused. “Do you always do this before I come home?”

“Yes.” You sat up to look at him again. “You deserve it.”

The two of you held eye contact for a few seconds, probably too long to be called platonic but you pushed the thought away. Until Gaz spoke.

"I thought about you a lot while I was away."

You rolled your eyes, ignoring the possible connotations behind that broad statement. "I'm flattered. Thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule to remember your best friend back home. Really appreciate it."

He shook his head. "No, I mean- I mean I thought about you all the time. All the time."

That caught you off guard.

"Really?" You squeaked.

Gaz chuckled. "Yeah."

"Why?" You knew why.

He uttered your name softly, resisting the urge to reach out and touch you. Why did it suddenly feel wrong to touch you? “I think you know why.”

“Say it.”

He didn’t want to be too forthcoming with it. So he settled on something he hoped to be more gentle and subtle. “The thing we’ve always avoided talking about. Even when people imply it.”

“Kyle…” You rarely used his first name. Nobody did. It was reserved for particular moments. You decided this was one of them.

He took it the wrong way. “No, I get it. You don’t feel- that’s okay. I’m sorry for-“

“No, that’s now what I-“ You cut yourself off with a frustrated huff. "I just don't want this to be some fleeting thought you had whilst getting shot at because I'm the closest person in your life."

His eyebrows shot up. "It's not."

“No?”

“No, I promise.”

You watched him for a moment, the sincerity that was pouring off of him. Maybe he was being serious, maybe he truly meant it. You figured there was only one way to test it.

“Kiss me.”

He looked shocked. "Kiss you?"

"Yes, kiss me."

"You want me to kiss you?"

You rolled your eyes. "Yes, Kyle. I want you to kiss me."

He sat up straighter, fixing his posture. "Okay, I'm gonna kiss you."

"You better." You laughed.

"Alright, I'm about to kiss you."

"Just shut up and kiss me, Garrick."

And he did. With one hand on the side of your face, the other on one of your thighs and yours tangling in the front of his shirt. The two of you kissed for the first time. It was long overdue, the both of you knew it as soon as your lips touched. It was sweet, and tender, and almost a little desperate, and it felt right.

The two of you pulled back for air with a slightly shy giggle.

"Please tell me that worked for you. Because it really worked for me." He mumbled, swiping his thumb across your cheek.

“Oh, it really did.” You replied, leaning back in to kiss him again which he was only too happy to reciprocate.

The burnt cake, the melted ice cream, the untidy room, and any previous doubts went forgotten for the rest of the night.

A/N: it’s a crime how long it’s taken me to write for Gaz :(

[bloomingdayswithyou]

I'll throw a request your way. How about a embarassed Gladion asking his bf to mend his clothes after type null training.

Stitches of Love

Pairing: Gladion x m!reader

Words:

Warnings: maybe a bit ooc, and just cute fluff<3

A/N: so... it's really been a while🧍🏻‍♀️ actually sorry for that :(( hopefully I'm back but I'll post slower than before! At least until I finish with all the requests

Also I was thinking of changing my writing style a bit, so I tried with this one!! Hope it's good enough :)

The Alolan sun was setting, painting the sky in vibrant hues of orange and pink. m/n was lounging on the couch in their shared apartment, scrolling through his phone when he heard the familiar sound of the front door opening.

"I'm back," Gladion's voice called out, sounding a bit more hesitant than usual.

m/n looked up, a smile already forming on his face. "Welcome home! How was training with-" His words trailed off as he took in the sight of his boyfriend.

Gladion stood in the doorway, his cheeks flushed a deep red that had nothing to do with the warm Alolan weather. His usual black outfit was in tatters, with several large tears across his jacket and pants. His blonde hair was disheveled, sticking up in even more directions than usual.

"What happened?" m/n asked, jumping to his feet in concern.

Gladion averted his gaze, his blush deepening. "Type: Null got a bit... overenthusiastic during training today."

m/n crossed the room, reaching out to inspect the damage. Gladion flinched slightly but didn't pull away as m/n's fingers grazed the torn fabric of his jacket.

"Are you hurt?" m/n asked, his eyes scanning for any signs of injury.

Gladion shook his head. "No, I'm fine. Type: Null would never actually harm me. It's just..." He gestured vaguely at his tattered clothes, his embarrassment palpable.

m/n couldn't help but chuckle softly. "Well, I'm glad you're okay. But your outfit has definitely seen better days."

Gladion groaned, running a hand through his messy hair. "I know. It's ridiculous. I should be able to control my own Pokémon better than this."

m/n placed a comforting hand on his arm. "Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. Type: Null is a powerful and unique Pokémon. It's natural for training to be challenging sometimes."

Gladion gave him a small, grateful smile, but m/n could still see the frustration in his green eyes.

"Thanks," Gladion murmured. Then, hesitantly, he added, "I, uh... I was wondering if you could help me with something."

m/n raised an eyebrow, intrigued. It wasn't often that Gladion asked for help. "Of course. What do you need?"

Gladion fidgeted with the hem of his torn jacket, avoiding m/n's gaze. "I was hoping... maybe you could help me mend these clothes? I know it's a lot to ask, but I don't really have any other options right now, and I can't exactly go out like this..."

m/n's heart swelled with affection. Gladion, always so independent and proud, was asking for his help. He knew how much it must have cost him to do so.

"I'd be happy to help," m/n said warmly. "Why don't you go take a shower and relax? I'll see what I can do with your clothes."

Relief washed over Gladion's face. "Thank you," he said softly, leaning in to press a quick kiss to m/n's cheek before disappearing into the bathroom.

As the sound of running water filled the apartment, m/n gathered his sewing supplies and set to work. The damage was extensive, but not irreparable. He carefully stitched up the tears, his fingers moving deftly as he thought about his boyfriend.

Gladion had come so far since they first met. Back then, he had been closed off, wary of forming any connections. But slowly, patiently, m/n had earned his trust. He had seen the kind, passionate person beneath Gladion's tough exterior. And now, here they were, sharing a life together.

The bathroom door opened, and Gladion emerged, a towel wrapped around his waist. His hair was damp, falling softly around his face without its usual styling. m/n couldn't help but admire the lean muscles of Gladion's chest and arms, a testament to his dedication to training.

"How's it going?" Gladion asked, peering over (m/n)'s shoulder at his handiwork.

"Almost done," m/n replied, tying off the last stitch. "They won't be perfect, but they should hold up until we can get you some new clothes."

Gladion took the mended outfit, examining m/n's work with a critical eye. "This is... really good," he said, sounding impressed. "Where did you learn to sew like this?"

m/n shrugged, a bit embarrassed by the praise. "Just picked it up here and there. It comes in handy sometimes."

Gladion slipped on the repaired clothes, adjusting them slightly. They fit well, the stitches barely noticeable unless you knew where to look.

"Thank you," he said again, his voice soft and sincere. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

m/n stood up, wrapping his arms around Gladion's waist. "Probably walk around in tattered clothes," he teased gently.

Gladion laughed, a rare, unguarded sound that never failed to make m/n's heart skip a beat. "Probably," he agreed, pulling m/n closer.

m/n leaned into Gladion's embrace, breathing in the clean scent of his shower gel mixed with something that was uniquely Gladion. "You know," he murmured, "you don't have to be embarrassed about asking for help. Not with me."

Gladion was quiet for a moment, his arms tightening around m/n. "I know," he said finally. "It's just... not easy for me. But I'm trying."

m/n pulled back slightly to meet Gladion's gaze, seeing the vulnerability in those green eyes that he rarely allowed anyone to see. "That's all I ask," m/n said, reaching up to brush a strand of damp hair from Gladion's forehead. "I love you, Gladion. All of you – the strong trainer, the dedicated brother, and yes, even the guy who sometimes needs help mending his clothes after a tough training session."

A smile tugged at the corners of Gladion's mouth, soft and genuine. "I love you too," he whispered, leaning in to capture m/n's lips in a tender kiss.

As m/n melted into the kiss, he knew that no matter what challenges came their way – be it difficult Pokémon training or torn clothes – he and Gladion would face them together. And really, that was all that mattered.

.

.

.

[stickytrigger69]

Can I ask for idw Optimus finding out that before the war, his Connie (male pronouns if possible) was a… exotic dancer? And ah, much more?

IDW Optimus x Con Reader

Reader is a mech

Readers' frame type, height, paint job, etc, are vague

NSFW minors DNI!

A/N: I've been struggling 😭 I've recently moved states, and it's been interesting to adjust, to say the least. But I should be getting back to it soon. I luv you all, and I really appreciate everyone's patience 😘😘😘

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

He came home angry, and you wondered if it was Prowl again or if someone had stirred up trouble or if he was harassed for conjunxing an ex-decepticon again. Unfortunately, it was none of those things because as soon as the words, 'what's wrong?', came from your vocalizer he glared at you. Suddenly, larger than normal, he stared you down with such fire in his optics it made you want to hide.

"Don't you talk to me, understand. I don't want to hear a peep from you." He pointed accusationally at you before stomping to your shared room. "I need time to think, leave me alone." And that was that. You spent the remainder of the afternoon on the couch, still thinking about what you could have done to make him this angry. Admittedly, he scared you. Past memory has protected you before, and you were ready for it to do so again.

When the time came, you got up to make dinner for you and your lover. You placed his serving on the floor, knocked, then turned around and left back to the living room. If he wants his space fine, but you don't want him to starve, so you listen in, and only when you hear the door open and shut, do you start eating your portion. When you've finished, you set your dishes down and sit there. Sadness had begun to fill your chassis with every bite, guilt settled deep within your tanks.

Thoughts race endlessly through your processor while you sit there in deafening silence. The whoosh of the door opening actually startles you, but you make no effort to look at him. The sink runs, and his dishes clink and clang together before he turns it off. "Why didn't you tell me?" You're caught off gaurd, confused. "Why? Was it because you were scared or disgusted? Why didn't you tell me that you were... that you used to..." He trails off and slowly comes into the living room and looks down at you. "Do you have any clue what I'm talking about?" He pleads with his optics that you will say yes.

"I... I do. I know what you're talking about. And I'm sorry I never said anything." You make room for him and pat the empty seat, wanting him to sit. "I was an exotic dancer at first. It was harmless, I was paid handsomely to dance for grimy mechs and femmes alike from the safety of an impenetrable case, and believe me, many had tried to bust through." He just listens and looks at your face contort with emotion. "Just dancing, they told me, just dance for them, and that's all. You can live your dreams if you just wiggle your aft. I was smaller then; shorter and less clunky." You look down at the added armor. It's made you look more rough around the edges, and it comforts you, "I was also young and naive, and they told me they would protect me, that I could make so much more. Then I started letting them in. They could touch, feel, and taste what they couldn't before. I still danced, but afterward, I would handle them in the back. Or they would handle me, y'know?" You chuckle awkwardly.

"I might take this armor off, show you what my Primus given frame looks like. Megatron had Shockwave fit me this armor, I was uh, distracting the other 'Cons, starting trouble. He understood it wasn't on purpose. Every so often, it would get tight, and I'd have to upgrade, bigger, stronger, better. I think I can..." You tail off and try pulling at your wrist seams until you hear a small pop and hiss. "There it is." You pull it apart, and the seam stretches upwards along the side of your servo like a casing. A smaller servo on the inside, and you smile at the sight of your own servo. "Will you..?" You hold your arm out to him, and he takes it gently. After hours of work, he is finally able to pop the last case around your left tribulen open. Shockwave really didn't want it falling off. Some seams had to be heated and nearly melted to get the welds off.

"I feel so much lighter," you stretch yourself out, "I'll bet I'm faster now, too."

"All of its been a lie?" He asks solemnly, digits trace up and down your arm. Your real arm, he reminds himself.

"No. I never lied. I just..." He is curious, and thus, he pushes you onto the couch. His servos are now even larger, nearly engulfing your waist in just one. His digits start prodding. He loves you so much, thinks you are the most attractive mech he's ever seen, but he didn't know you could become even more attractive and it does something inside of him. No longer angry or betrayed, he feels invigorated instead, wanting to explore the real you and you can tell, teasing his arousal through his field.

"Is your spike still the same size, my dear? I'd like to find out." He stares deeply into your optics as your breath hitches. Your own arousal blooming underneath your panels.

"I was uh, going to tell you, but unff- I ahhh." You grunt and moan with every thrust, now in your berth, lover behind you on his knees.

"Just shut up and take it like a good little mech." Optimus holds your helm up with one servo to speak in your audial. His harsh tone makes you whimper and valve squeeze around him. He then holds your helm down by the back of your neck while the other servo holds your hip tightly. He's so much bigger than you that he easily engulfs your frame with his own, and it thrills you to no end. That, and the rough treatment, do wonders for you. It makes your processor swirl and frame activate every sensory input processor available to overwhelm and stimulate you. Oh, the power of his hips, the grip of his servos, and open vocalizer are enough to make you overload straight into hard reset.

"I had always wondered why, why, after every time we interfaced, you were still so tight? Such a small mech, small valve, should be stretched by my spike." You moan. "I also wondered why or how you had so much stamina. How you were so good at sucking spike. If you were just a natural or if you had practice with past lovers." He slams into you at a fast pace, smirking when you yelp. "But they weren't lovers, were they? No, they were consumers. Investors. Keeping you clean and healthy so they could use you up. As much as I don't like that thought, I can't change it, the past at least. Now, now no one will look at you like that anymore. Only me, no one can have you the way I can, the way I do." Possessiveness takes over him for a moment, and he flips you onto your back. He stares deeply into your optics while inching his spike into your tight, wet valve, and your spike bobs and dribbles prefluid onto your abdomen.

When your frames connect, his optics begin to roam down to your derma and then even further down. "Tell me, sweetspark, how did you get this mod? How much was it? How many 'clients' did you have to take for it, or did one of them gift you with the mod? Did they lavish you with oils and treats? Or were you just a back alley buy mech who got lucky?" He asks crudely while his thumb rubs your anterior node in circles.

"Optimus." You bashfully turn your helm to the side to look away from him. His words are harsh but very much near the truth, and that's what's embarrassing you so.

"Don't you look away from me." He grabs your face and forces you to look at him. "I'm sorry, it got to my head." He leans down and kisses you lovingly, still pumping in and out of you. "There's just something about how dirty you were. So forbidden and delicious." He pulls out suddenly. In one swift motion, he lifts you up and lays down, placing you on top of him. "Show me, do for me what you did for them." He rubs his servos up and down your sides softly. You stare down at him, venting heavily.

"I need access to your valve if that's what you want." He hums curiously but complies, a low 'shhk' sound alerts you of his exposed valve. He waits patiently and watches you slink down. "I'm going to have to dance for you some other time too." You smirk before rubbing your valve against his. Anterior nodes bumping against each other while you take his spike in your servo. Your slick coats his valve opening heavily, making him groan at the feeling your fluids mixing.

"That's nice darling, but..." He goes quiet. His node, it feels. "What is happening?" You chuckle and lean over him, spike still in your servo, but your other travels down between you both.

"Oh my love, there are bits and pieces of me that I've been wanting to share with you." Two of your digits push into his valve. When you pull them out, you put them into yourself to gather more of your own lubricant and push them back into him. "I've also wondered how you would react to this feeling." The feeling on his node travels deep into him. It spreads like wildfire up inside him. It's like a cold wave that makes his servos ball up into fists.

"Not only did certain mechs and femmes get to have me completely, I danced for them. I showed myself off in a glass case. Taunted them with what they couldn't have." You curl your digits inside him and brush against his interior node, making him shiver. And, as if it were a system error, a few seconds after you touched his node, a small burst of electricity pulses from his node in small waves, making him cry out. And without warning, you thrust your spike into his valve and start stroking his roughly.

You pound into his sensitive valve and stroke his spike simultaneously to make him a moaning mess beneath you. "It's not too much, is it my love?" You ask sweetly and he shakes his head.

"More!" He cries, bucking his hips. With a smirk, you thrust harder. Sacrificing speed for force knowing that the effects will last longer and be stronger. He has melted, gone completely limp beneath you. His optics flicker and his field is charged to the brim. You swear you can taste it, the thick nectar of his lust dripping from his core. Suddenly, he takes hold of your shoulders and sits up. He has you confused for a few moments until he starts riding you. Now, on his knees, he bounces in your lap.

You feel your faceplate heat up even more, his actions flattering you, but what makes this moment even sweeter is the way he's looking at you. No one has looked at you this way. You know it's different from the usual looks youd get, but you're not so sure what's different about it.

"Optimus, I still have trouble believing you're actually serious about this relationship of yours. Even after you've learned everything about him and his past. I mean, it was bad enough that he's an ex decepticon, but it's another that he's..." Suddenly, a large servo can be seen over the red and blue mechs shoulder.

"Don't you finish that sentence. I know you don't 'approve' of it, Prowl. But he's my conjunx, and that was his past, not his present, nor his future. And I do believe it has shaped him," Prowl makes a suggestive motion with his servos as Optimus 'monologues' as he likes calling it, "into the mech he is today." Optimus turns around to face the shorter officer who just stares at him.

"Not only personality wise, I'm sure." Prowl rolls his optics. The comment leaves a sour taste in the primes mouth. "But you're right, he's your conjunx, it's really none of my business. I suppose it's just the fact that it's not very professional. For a mech of your status, I'd expect a high-grade conjunx. You've had many suitors, and all of which at least knew what fine arts are. Besides, he's just a trophy wife, as the humans would say." Optimus chuckles and shakes his head. Oh, how wrong is Prowl's statement. You are very intelligent and creative, and you're more than just some trophy wife.

[zarla-s]

How do you decide when to use Spamtons little speech quirk and what to have him say? Your writing for him feels so natural!

Spamton’s speech pattern is surprisingly tricky! It has a lot of weird little things to it, haha. I’m glad you think I’m doing a good job though. :D Generally I try to keep in mind a few things for him...

Spamton misspells things a lot, but not always in the same way (with exceptions). He also likes substituting numbers for letters, usually in words that get caught in a spam filter to try to get around it but not always. ( [[Amazed at thi5 amazing transformation?]],  NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING AB04T! ,  SOMEONE LEFT [There] SOULS, [Lyeing Around......] ,  YOU FILLED YOUR [Inventorium] WITH [Half-Pr1ce Sallamy],  AND THE [Number on theB4ck]!,  [Unforgettable D3als] ,  [Pr3mIUm luxjerry w4tch] )

When Spamton takes over the narration or influences it, he still misspells things. (CONGRULATIONS YOU ARE THE 100th VISITOR!!! )

Spamton is bad at tenses and mixes them up a lot. This is one of the most endearing things to me for some reason, haha.  ( I'M SO [Proud] OF YOU, I COULD [Killed] YOU! ,  I HAVE [Becomed] NEO. ,  MY ESTEEM CUSTOMER, THAT GUY [Steal my look]!! OKAY, MAYBE HE [Steal]ed BACK WHAT I TOOK FROM HIM, WE WILL ALSO [Divorced] )

He messes up pluralization or grammar related to it at times. ( HOTSINGLE, 100 CUSTOMER, AN [Valuable Item])

He actually swears a fair amount but it’s usually censored. ( YOU'RE [$!$!] RIGHT! , DEALS SO GOOD I'LL [$!$$] MYSELF!,  [$!?!] THE PRESSES! )

His capitalization in his bracket words/phrases is inconsistent and he spells things wrong in them at times as well. He usually capitalizes the first word though. ( [[A LimiTed Time Only!]] , [[Designed BY The Classics]],  [[ Sucbscrube ]] ,  THEN [[WHY]] GO TO A DUMPSTER!!! , YOU'VE GOT THE [[LIGHT.]] , [ succumb to the worm ],  SO HAVE I GOT A DEAL THAT'S [sweet Sunday creme] TO ANY SELF RESPECTING [Ball Nut]! , [fluffey] ,  [Pracitce]).

His capitalization in general is kind of all over the place. ( LIGHT nER! HEY-HE Y HEY!!!,  THat'll be 1997 KROMER.,  ENL4RGE Yourself,  I USED TO be A BIG SHOT. ,  I WOn'T FORCE YOU. ,  It's still DARK... SO DARK! )

He gets the verb in sentences wrong at times or has too many/too few words in a phrase.  ( HEAR THOSE [Balloons]???,  [Cool down with a]!!!,  [Wake up and the smell the] MY DEAD CARCASS!!! ) His grammar also gets wonky, especially with the tricky homophones like your/you’re or their/there/they’re. ( YOUR A BIGSHOT!! ,  WELL LET THIS BE A [Email] ,  SHOW OFF YOU'RE [Big Shot] )

He sometimes doesn’t finish a sentence at all, or leaves a blank space. ( BUY [KeyGen] FROM ME AT [The Low Low Price Of] ,  MEANWHILE I CAN [sneak out the back] AND, [Hurry now]!!! [Blink] AND YOU'LL MISS      !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ,  THAT'S WHY THEY'RE COMING TO [kill] ME RIGHT NOW. THEY'RE COMING TO ). Sometimes he just says one or two words or sentence fragments. (MONEY NO, KEYGEN) He likes repeating unfinished sentences as well, usually when he’s worked up about something. ( THE MEN INSIDE WOULD THE MEN INSIDE WOULD , I'LL GET SO. I'LL GET SO. )

He uses periods to emphasize certain parts of a sentence and sometimes he just leaves brackets or carets or other punctuation in his speech. ( YOU'RE  LIGHT neR< AREN'T YOU? , GO BACK. AND PUT. THE DISK. BACK. WHERE YOU GOT IT. ).

Sometimes he has spaces in the middle of words or in the wrong places ( DID YOU HAVE AN YMORE?,  I'M A SALESMAN   ,  ). Sometimes it’s just a mess in general ( DOESN;T IT?KID? ), and sometimes he likes to combine words ( [HonestMan] ,  [handsomeGuy] ).

My general approach to this is just to keep any typos I make while doing his dialogue lol.

He drops out of caps usually when he’s scared or thoughtful (not accounting for after his battle), and usually when he’s thinking about Mike.

A fair amount of his substitutions are vaguely threatening or allude to some kind of violence or suffering. He mentions death, dying, and screaming a lot, usually in unexpected contexts ( PRICES SO LOW, EVERYONE I KNOW IS [[Dead]]!!!,  VACATIONING IN [Burning acid] , NOW I'M THE [[It Burns! Ow! Stop! Help Me! It Burns!]] GUY! ).

Sometimes these threats are relevant warnings if you know what he’s up to ( TAKE THIS DEAL AND YOU WILL [[Die]]!! IT'S THAT GOOD!!!,  [Die Now] AND I'LL THROW IN [50] [Bullets] FOR FREE!,  THIS IS [One Purchase] YOU WILL [Regret] FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! ). There’s always a sort of “off” vibe to him that makes him feel a little dangerous.

As an aside, Spamton talks about people beating him up a lot.

He likes turning phrases about refunds into non-refunds, haha ( [No Money Back Guaranttee] ). He’ll sometimes just admit outright he’s trying to scam you ( HOW'S AN INNOCENT GUY LIKE ME SUPPOSED TO [Rip People Off] , [What's yours is mine] AND [What's yours is mine]. ).

He’s extremely excited and shouting almost all the time, so he very rarely has only one exclamation point about anything. Usually it’s three but it can go higher. Just go ham on the exclamation points lol.

[[Hyperlink blocked.]]  is a tricky one. He does use it a lot, but the context for it is hard to pin down. Usually it relates to things like souls, what it is that’s controlling him or what it wants, or how exactly he wants to escape it. Other times it’s sort of privileged or secret information that would be caught by a filter and blocked, or it’s some scammy thing or another that’d be blocked for user safety. Usually it’s something that someone wouldn’t want the player to know.

He does use sales pitch, adspeak, or internet slang substitutions a lot, ( [Friend Request Accepted] , [[Anything You See On TV!]],  [[Workout-Ready Body]],  [Luxurious Basement Apartment] , [[Pass My Savings Onto You!]] )  but not all the time! A lot of his substitutions are single words, usually on an odd tangent to the original word or just unusual in general ( [Deep Abyss] , YOUR [[Ant-sized]] [[Rapidly-shrinking]] LIFE!! , [Wacky Stacks] , [Little Nipper], LIKE MANY [buzzing] AND [burning] CREATORS,  GET OUT YOUR CYBER [skin wallets] ).

Sometimes they’re just a normal word in the sentence ( YOU GOT [Guts] KID!! , [Part] OF MY BEAUTIFUL [Heart], LOOK IN MY [Eyes] LOOK IN MY [Nose] LOOK IN MY [Mouth] ).

I tend to think about his substitutions a bit like the Orz, where a substituted word has alternate or deeper meaning than you’d think BECAUSE it was substituted. By [LIGHT], did Spamton literally mean light, or does light have another connotation to it he’s adding that’s not clear? I like thinking of the substitutions adding a potential multiple meaning layers to a word, haha. Maybe he can’t help it, or maybe that particular word is hinting at something more...

He can say full sentences without any substitutions in them, but they’re rare ( WHAT ARE THESE STRINGS!? ,  YOU'RE LEAVING!? WHAT ABOUT MY DISK!?!? , TOO MANY EXCESS VACATION DAYS?? TAKE A GOD DAMN VACATION STRAIGHT TO HELL, I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING I HAD! MY LIFE ADVICE! , BUT KRIS, IF YOU REFUSE. THAT'S YOUR CHOICE. I CAN'T FORCE YOU.). Interestingly, they often involve him saying he can’t force Kris to do something, something he says over and over and over. He seems very preoccupied with it.

[abiiors]

𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚒 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚌𝚔 𝚊𝚝 𝚊 𝚑𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚠𝚘 — 𝚎𝚙𝚒𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚞𝚎

✧ — 𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝

✮ a/n: the actual last thing about jules and matty i'm so emotional 😭 but also we have more blurbs coming soon!! <33 sorry this is late, i ended up scrapping and rewriting

✮ cw: extreme cheesiness and equal amounts of sappiness

✮ wc: 1k (she's tiny <33)

“red or pink?” jules holds up two tubes of lipstick in front of him. matty frowns. 

“neither,” he takes them out of her hands one after the other and hides it behind his back. “i’d rather you stay.”

stay… that’s a word he says openly now. and she does stay. some days he can’t quite believe it if he’s being honest.

jules clicks her tongue and looks at him, exasperated once again. he’s been on her bed for the past twenty minutes now, watching her ritualistically put on makeup, once step after the other like she’s done for all the weeks they’ve been together. 

“matty, don’t be like this,” she gets off the chair and stands in front of him, between his legs. “we should have left ages ago.”

and even though her words are admonishing, he can see that tiny smile on her face that she tries so hard to hide. matty lifts his finger and traces her lips, widening the barely there smile until it’s a full and gorgeous grin. 

“will you return my lipsticks, please?”

“and what if i say no?” he puts his arms around her and puts his chin on her stomach, effectively trapping her in place. 

she looks absolutely beautiful—even with half her makeup done and no lipstick on—he could stay like this and look up at her for hours. matty almost snorts to himself. why is he having thoughts like he’s twelve years old and hanging out with his first crush?!

“i’d have to wrestle you,” jules smirks, indulging him.

“you’d never win against me,” matty declares, his voice all confident until jules scratches his scalp with her nails. whatever words he was about to say dissolve on his tongue as he sighs, practically melting in place. 

shit… she’s fucking good. 

“you sure about that?” jules teases and drags her nails through his hair once again. 

once his eyes flutter shut, he shifts, squishing his face in her boobs, tightening his arms around her some more. 

the soft fabric of her t-shirt rubs against his face. he’s surrounded by her smell too—vanilla and sugar with vaguely clean fabric softener. matty breathes her in, humming in the back of his throat. 

fuck! he loves this… 

he loves her… 

the realisation doesn’t hit him like a truck, no. it just… makes sense. like he was always meant to reach this point. 

“i’ve got you now,” his voice is muffled. he’s sure she can feel the vibrations in her chest, “where will you go?”

the clock on the wall ticks, inching closer and closer to when they have to leave. 

they’re supposed to be back at the arcade—to even the scores he’d told her. truth is, ever since their first date—their first real date—at the arcade, he can’t stop thinking about how excited she gets when she wins against him; arms thrown up in the air, her body contorted and already at the start of her absolutely insane ‘winner dance’. 

if he has to lose for the rest of his life just to see her like this, he’d do it happily. 

except now jules is here, ready for their date, and he’s too comfy to go anywhere. to even move an inch. 

the more the seconds tick by, the more his body feels frozen in place. jules is going to make him move any minute now, he thinks. he’d have to let her… instead, she sighs and climbs onto his lap. 

“oh?” matty looks at her with renewed interest, mouth curving into a smug smile. 

jules, however, takes her chance and reaches behind him, closing her fist around one of the lipsticks. quickly she yanks her hand back and holds it up in front of him. it’s the red one, the one he wasn’t going to choose. “gotcha!”

matty looks at the bullet then back at her, moving his hands from her hips to her waist. a confused frown makes its way onto her face. “what are you—”

jules yelp before she can finish her question. in an instance she’s off his lap and under him on the bed as matty flips them both, faster than she can blink.

“gotcha…” he whispers, close enough that their breaths mix together. “do you still want to leave?”

he can practically see the no written on her face. 

the other lipstick tube rolls against his thigh, and he knows it’s within her reach now. he wonder if jules will go for it, will wiggle out from under him somehow and make them leave. 

matty supposes it’s fine. it’s not like she’s leaving, he gets to spend time with her anyway. but…

and then jules places her hand on his cheek, cranes her neck until she can press her lips against his. barely a second passes before matty’s deepening the kiss, moving his hand from her waist to her ribs. 

her body is so familiar against his, so comfortable and safe that he almost lets out a shuddering breath. 

“we’re not leaving tonight, are we?” jules giggles, kissing his jaw. 

matty clicks his tongue, “not a chance.”

she giggles again, a tinkling sound. matty slides the sleeve of her t-shirt away, kissing her bare shoulder. 

“for the record,” he murmurs, “i would have picked pink.”

“yeah?”

he nods, pulling slightly off her so he can look at her properly. “looks the best on you. looks the best on me when you kiss me…”

“and red doesn’t?” she teases. 

this time it’s his turn to thread his fingers through her scalp. jules sighs and almost closes her eyes. “well now that we’ve decided to stay…” matty swoops down and captures her lips in another lingering kiss, “we could test out all the shades.”

“i think that’s a good use of our time,” jules laughs, and kisses him once again. 

[sanddollarpoems]

I left my job in May. It wasn't a decision I had been planning to make. I may not have loved my job, but it was a paycheck, and I didn't have anything else lined up. The worst thing about my job was navigating my unhinged boss' mod swings. One day, I would be her favorite employee, showered with praise and compliments. But then, like a switch had been flipped, the next day, she would find fault in everything I did. She would verbally berate me and make me wonder if I was actually a terrible employee. This bizarre behavior was starting to leave stress marks on my life. I hated the days that she was in the office, and I was terrified any time she would come to talk to me. I didn't know what was wrong or how to fix it.

It ended one day when she called me into her office.

"I'm writing you up." She said it almost smugly. I tried to hide the shock and horror on my face. Write me up for what??

I remained professional and calm, trying to keep my mind clear on everything she was saying. There was a vague "isn't living up to work expectations" and a comical "overly social" (my work responsibilities required me to be very outgoing). She even threw in something from months ago that had already been resolved. None of it was legit.

I went home, and my shock turned to anger. I've always been an extremely hard worker, dedicated, professional, and kind. This wasn't my fault. But being targeted in such a way by my direct boss felt like total betrayal. When I shared it with my friends, they all agreed that she was just doing the paperwork to eventually fire me. They said I should stay and let her play out her plan so that I could sue the company for wrongful termination. I wanted to do that. It sounded so vengeful. But the thought of letting that woman continue to abuse me was more than I could do. Instead, I wrote my resignation letter and turned it in the very next day. I worked out my two weeks, not because I had to, since it was an "at will" company. But I've always given two weeks everywhere I've worked, and I wanted to keep my own standards. It was a painfully long two weeks.

I want to say that I left and never looked back, but the truth is, the words she said to me still hurt. There's still a part of me that wonders if she was right. There's still a feeling of insecurity and fear that I'm actually a failure. I think the hardest part was that there was still that similarity between her and my mother. The way she made me feel so worthless and weak felt too familiar. Perhaps that's why it's so hard to shake.

I have taken the opportunity to go back to school and finish up my degree at last. I know the right job will show up at the right time. I can feel that providence in my life. A part of me is scared. I keep thinking about the chance of getting another boss who gaslights and abuses me. After fighting to get where I am now, I won't take that anymore. I want to find a way to prove to myself that I can make my own success without risking my emotional safety. I need to have a reason to say, "See? She was mentally ill and cruel. I am really good at this. She was a liar."

She was a liar.

[jezmmart]

#AMaY Commentary

Wanted to give a little commentary on the #AMaY project but needed a couple days breather haha. This mostly focuses on how I created each day with the full hidden final image in mind, but I also talk a bit about like "Why Amy???" on a personal level at the bottom.

So firstly, worth revisiting this old popular music video if you have the time, it was pretty viral back when it came out. This will become relevant shortly - not a huge deal if you don't want to watch it, but the reason I'm bringing it up will spoil said music video a bit so yeah, mentioning it and encouraging a watch now without context.

So yeah, #AMaY! It really came down to the wire on finishing it due to work, and I had to eat into my 2-week comic buffer that I'm now due to rebuild to keep up in the end.

It was basically the result of just REALLY enjoying drawing Amy and joking with friends and such to the point of being like "do I really enjoy drawing her that much that I could do a whole month of it? I think I could". Wasn't wrong!

I didn't have any set prompt list in mind, my idea was just to draw what idea grabbed me on the day. Then, inspired by various things I've seen do this but particularly that aforementioned music video which does the same reveal at the end, I had the idea of "what if I make it so they all make a picture of Amy when connected up". I had already sketched out this idea for the first day:

But started over after having this moment of inspiration.

What I didn't factor in is how this sort of effect is MUCH easier with simpler, larger pictures. I really should have just done her head or something, then most of my backgrounds could just be vague geometric shapes but didn't realise the practicality of it until it was too late, which is why we ended up with so many backgrounds of strange patterns and twisty pipes and such that I would try to mask by putting in additional patterns and pipes and whatnot as red herrings that were lower contrast than the ones making up the Amy picture.

I drew out what the final secret picture was going to be across a grid representing the days in the month, then each day I would start with a canvas of one square and figure out "now what sort of background can I turn this into, and what kind of Amy would belong in that background".

Naturally I had some ideas I was already leaning towards - goth Amy was one of them. When I looked at this portion of the image, the only sort of background thing I could see was some kind of cartooney medieval tower with a rim at the top. From there I realised the skirt could be bushes or walls around some dramatic graveyard hills, the creases in the skirt could be a path as long as Amy is positioned to hide the fact that they aren't actually connecting in the context of the hidden image. In some cases where it wouldn't make sense for a background element to suddenly stop, I instead used foreground scenery, such as the gravestone directly behind Amy here, to turn the element into the shape I wanted. These pipes that are going behind metal panels in the Chemical Plant background in order to turn them into eyelash shapes are another example:

Then when I got the idea to turn the lineart of of hidden Amy's skirt rim and chest into long wispy spirits escaping from the earth or something, it was just a case of adding a bunch more random ones of those to the rest of the background with lower contrast so they don't stand out as much as the important ones do. The one in the foreground also does the job of cutting off the path that makes up the tiny bit of Amy's leg lineart. Within the context of the graveyard background, the path continues, but at the zoomed out view, it can't be distinguished at a glance.

This was the kind of thought process that went into the more elaborate backgrounds. Naturally there were some where the Amy idea COULD come first, because what was required of the background was so simple I was kind of free to turn it into anything - or just take a day off and do simple geometric backgrounds.

(Again though, you can see here that I did all the circles as red herrings to imply that the little blob in the corner is another one - but the corner one is a deeper colour than the others).

And of course there were some days where I just COULD NOT think of anything that wouldn't be completely conspicious, so I just made Amy take up as much space as possible so I only had a few background lines to deal with, trusting that the grand context of the final hidden image would solve it in the end.

The final note is that I didn't JUST draw from these segments - I was steadily building up the full collage as I went, so I'd always have a "bleed" area I'd draw into with the existing surrounding days to make sure that the final result DID all connect up.

So yeah, that's the broad strokes of it!

To end on something more philosophical, I did sort of end thinking to myself as I spent all these hours drawing her - "Hey though, what is it about Amy? WHY do I love drawing her so much? Why is this one my blorbo?"

Humour me as I get all deep about cartoon pink hedgehog but I think it comes down to a few factors.

Let's address the elephant in the room first - unless I'm specifically looking to evoke her canon-self, I draw her with a more anthropomorphic sexy figure compared to the blobby, noodle-limbed body she has in the actual series, don't I. You see, in Sonic Adventure 2 there was this one promotional 3D render of her where they gave her one heck of a rack and also once I was on the internet as a teenager and partaking in the fandom, I saw other fanartists do the same with thighs to match. This was all during a vulnerable time in my development and it all made me a little unwell about Amy permanently, I think. Like, that cute haircut, the knee-high boots, the shiny short-skirted dress, this is all stuff that looks really attractive when you slap it on a human body!

Sonic himself is like... peak character design. There's a reason he's lasted so long and holds such mass appeal as a cartoon character. The only way to improve on that perfection is to make a girl version, and that's pretty much what Amy is. So no wonder she's so fun to draw!

And tailing off that - as an aspiring femme NB person who has not always been so, I do think I've always had a particular interest in the hyper-feminine aesthetic, which Amy has in spades. I think that's also a big part of her allure to me as a character. Much like how I live a lot of my feminine interest vicariously through my pin-up art, dressing up my OCs in cute clothes and such, I think that extends to Amy as well; a kind of obsession with the youthful hyper-feminine aesthetic that I just never got to openly enjoy in any real way earlier in life because I hadn't figured all this NB stuff out yet. I just love cute girly pink stuff!!!

That'll do it I think. I could probably waffle on about each individual day's art if I really wanted to but this is long enough as is. Check out the alt text if you like as I often mention easter eggs and costume details in those to try and make sure those with eyesight issues are getting the same experience as those without.

Thank you again one and all for enjoying or at least putting up with the month!

[More: #AMaY | Art Insight]

[ask-ursa-tonypeter]

[db kidnapping au] Are there any memories that particularly haunt Peter from his time with SIM?

[[cw: standard "soft" noncon warning for this universe, physical abuse, mentions of sexual and non-sexual strangulation, vague depiction of pre-canon character death/murder, passing thoughts of potential addiction and self-harm, general misery]]

Lying to his parents was inevitable, but Peter had mostly been honest with Tony since he got home.

Mostly.

The other Tony did hit him once. Just the once, and Peter eventually understood why it happened, so he almost didn't even hold it against him.

Peter had been staring at the ceiling, tracing the pattern of stick-on stars there with his eyes while he waited for Tony to finish. The stars were juvenile, but Peter got so bored sometimes, and Tony let him do basically anything he wanted with decorating his room, so— stars. In different sizes, mapping out actual constellations and fictional ones alike, and Peter liked to find new patterns in them to name himself.

Maybe he'd rearrange them when Tony was at work tomorrow. Maybe he'd see if Tony would get mad if he found some of them in the garbage disposal. Maybe he'd spell out HELP on the massive penthouse windows, just to see if JARVIS would drug him for it even when there was no chance of anyone helping him anyway.

Maybe he'd swallow one whole. Just one of the tiny dime-sized ones. Or five, or ten. How many before JARVIS stepped in? How long would Tony leave him alone, if he got sick?

"Peter," Tony sighed roughly, leaning in for a warm, lingering kiss, almost wholesome if not for the mingling of their panting breaths; the tackiness of Peter's come pooled on his stomach.

Tony liked kissing, during. That was a difference from Peter's brother, who would kiss him before or after but not usually during. But this Tony always wanted to kiss him, even though— or maybe because— Peter hadn't wanted to let him do it in the beginning; had always turned his face away until he was too wrung-out to resist.

And then eventually it got to be too hard to resist at all, and now it was always this: Peter on his back and Tony pumping into him, brushing kisses against his neck and jaw and lips, breathing his name and telling him 'you're perfect' and 'so gorgeous' and 'I love you.'

The same thing, all the time. Gentle. Tender. Loving.

Monotonous.

That was really all that Peter was thinking when he did it. He was only half-hard even though it had really been a while since the last time Tony made him come, and he was bored of sweet kisses and tender caresses and 'I love you' and looking at those fucking stars.

So when Tony pulled back to look down at him, reverent and possessive and who knows what else, Peter reached for one of his hands, took it in his own, and pulled it over his throat.

He'd done it with his brother before. Not actual choking, because Tony said that was dangerous even if you were careful, even for professionals, so he wouldn't do it. But he'd put his hand over Peter's throat and let the weight of his fingers settle there, gentle, nothing constricting. And even if Peter hadn't liked it himself, seeing the way it made his brother's eyes spark with molten want would've done it for him.

Tony's eyes didn't go dark and hot, this time. Peter barely had time to process the change in his expression at all, actually— widening eyes, a slack mouth— before there was a burst of movement and Peter was suddenly looking at the wall to the right of his bed, blinking away spots with the taste of copper in his mouth and a searing heat on his cheek.

He looked back at Tony, startled and confused and so disoriented that it wasn't until he saw Tony's own expression of dawning horror that it actually sank in what had happened:

Tony had hit him.

Tony had hit him.

"Baby," Tony said weakly, a totally foreign sound from him, just one more dizzying detail to process. "Petey, wait, no, I'm sorry—"

He cried, too, when Peter burst into tears. He held Peter close and kissed the top of his head and said, frantic and shaking, 'I didn't mean to' and 'you scared me' and 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.'

It took Peter a long time to get ahold of himself. He wailed and sobbed into his pillow like a toddler, curling away from Tony's desperate apologies with panic clawing at his throat and feeling so, so stupid— for freaking out over a slap like he hadn't been asking Tony to choke him, for trying to change things from the safety of routine simply because he was bored, for thinking he was actually something special or precious and protected, for ever letting himself believe even for a second that Tony wouldn't really hurt him—

"I love you, sweetheart," Tony was saying when Peter could finally really hear him again, burnt out on tears, and his own voice was still scratchy and thick with misery. "I didn't mean to. Oh— there you go, honey, it's okay, let me see—"

His fingers were gentle on the unharmed side of Peter's face when Peter sat up to let him look, but Peter's head still hurt all over. There was a sharp pain inside his mouth where his cheek had split against the ridge of his teeth, and a headache underscored the deep throbbing on the whole left side of his face. Tony made him open his mouth to check the cut and watch him test his tongue against his teeth to make sure none of them were loose, face pinched with emotion.

"I could've really hurt you," Tony said, helpless and horrified. "Baby, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

Peter's voice felt like a wisp of a thing, buried and frozen under an avalanche of fear, but he had to ask. He had to know, so he could make sure it didn't happen again—

"Why did you hit me?" he asked, wobbly and plaintive and babyish.

Tony looked near tears again. His own voice was a whisper when he said, "Petey, you know why. You know why. Please don't do that to me again, baby; I'll never hurt you again but you can't do that to me."

And even if Peter didn't know why, didn't know what Tony was talking about, he knew what to say.

"I'm sorry," he said, looking down at his lap. "I won't do it again."

It took a long time for the bruise to go away. Tony got him painkillers in the meantime— ridiculous ones at first, way too strong even considering how tender the whole left side of his face was. They felt really, really nice to take, all floaty without being boring and numb, and Peter was almost tempted to keep them— he could bear living like this, if he got to feel like that all the time— and if things had been a little different, he might have.

But under the circumstances, it would've been a total waste. Because as much as it hurt— as scary as it had been— it only took Peter a single day to recognize the opportunity in front of him, and to realize he needed to stay as sharp as he could.

Because that next day, Tony didn't ignore what he said even once.

He let Peter stay in bed to sleep in without a complaint. He went to get Peter's replacement painkillers the moment Peter said he didn't like the ones he'd been given. He asked if Peter actually wanted to be held and cuddled in bed, and he retreated to the living room when Peter said no. 

He kissed Peter's hands and forehead and unmarred cheek, and absolutely nowhere else.

The bruise was huge and ugly when Peter could finally bring himself to look at it in the mirror. Mottled and dark, the striped impressions of fingers radiating out towards his temple and ear made his own hands want to shake again, but—

It didn't matter what it looked like. It didn't matter that it had hurt. It didn't even really matter that Tony could do it again.

What mattered is that if he flinched when Tony reached for him, and made his voice very soft, and looked toward the floor with the purple of that bruise angled ever-so-slightly outward, Tony would give him whatever he wanted.

He got to sleep alone in his bed. He got to shower by himself. He got to go days at a time without once having to lay on his back, legs spread and mind drifting while he watched the illusory spray of stars across his ceiling.

He got open access to the lab.

He didn't push his luck. He was careful. He didn't even look in the multiverse machine's direction for the first week he was allowed in the lab by himself while Tony was at work. He only slept alone for two days before he asked Tony to join him again. He slowly peppered in chaste kisses— his mouth did still hurt— until he was ready to gradually, gradually go back to their old routine.

There was a part of him that wanted to see if it would last, of course. To see if somehow, miraculously, Tony would just leave him be, even once the bruise had faded.

But he couldn't risk losing his chance. The thought of how Tony might shorten his leash if he had to drag Peter back to him instead of Peter coming willingly was haunting, so Peter circled back to him as soft and sweet as ever, like he didn't even know the leash was there.

He tried not to call himself names over it. He tried not to feel ashamed. He didn't do a very good job, until—

The glowy stars were kept on the top shelf in his closet. He dragged out a step-stool to get them one day once the bruise had long faded and left only his new hopes and fears and incremental freedoms behind.

It was only a whim that made him press a few of those little plastic stars to the closet ceiling.

It was only chance that he found that hidden panel, and the red mask behind it.

'Syncing data,' the HUD read when Peter put the mask on.

'Extremis,' the hidden notes in that final video recording read, discovered by a different Peter living a different life.

'—but not enough to do you the kindness of sharing some last words,' Tony said in that same video, and Peter's hands were shaking so hard by then that he didn't manage to rip the mask off in time to miss the desperate, strangled noises that its microphone had last recorded.

He cried for a long time after that, but it did help, in the end. He finally understood some things— precious, invaluable things— and they were worth a morning spent sobbing on the closet floor.

First: he knew why Tony had hit him, and he really did believe that it wouldn't happen again.

And second, with more urgent clarity than ever—

That he needed to get out of there. No matter what he had to do and who he had to be to make that happen.

He put the mask back on once he'd stopped crying. He fast-forwarded through a confrontation in a warehouse, and a long dizzying swing back to an unfamiliar mansion, and an uncannily familiar voice muttering to itself as its owner keyed in the access code for a panic room.

"Pause," Peter said when the notes for Extremis were once more filling the screen, and he started to read.

[hopeymchope]

I've finished playing through Another Code Recollection!

You can see my thoughts on the "Two Memories" part in this first post on the topic. But now we've got to talk about how they handled "A Journey into Lost Memories."

A lot of North American players probably never experienced the Wii original. But as big lover of CING's games, I soft-modded my Wii and imported the European release of "Another Code R." And I loved the CRAP out of it. They really took the innovative puzzles of the DS original and took them to a new level with the Wii Remote.

So. How does the "Recollection" version of ACR fare by comparison?

As I expected after playing through Two Memories, the new puzzles in the "Recollection" version of ACR are a lot simpler than the original. These are more typical to what you find in adventure games and less, shall we say, experimental. There's not nearly as much effort put into using the Switch's unique form/functionality in unexpected ways, but I still had fun solving them. I even got momentarily stymied by two of them this time! The "Two Memories" remake only ONCE had me stuck like this, so I really think they gave "A Journey into Lost Memories" a bit of escalated challenge, and I appreciate it!

Similar to how they removed the bad ending from "Two Memories," they took out some of the possible branches/decisions in ACR for this remake. You no longer have any means by which to identify/describe your lost bag to Dan, ultimately affecting whether you get it back later in the game; the path to retrieving your bag is now different and linear. The subplot where Ashley is briefly accused of robbing the guesthouse also only has ONE solution now. In the original ACR, if you were clever enough to snap a picture of Matthew in the back room while peeking through the blinds, you could actually bypass the entire "prove your innocence" semi-puzzle by just showing that photo to Tommy. But you can't pull out your camera during that part of the story in the remake, so you have to deal with the puzzle no matter what.

3. I positively love the redesign of Janet??? What a glow-up! They added some much-needed diversity into this one with her and Ranger Dan's new look, too. You can tell that both Janet and Dan are now people of some color.

4. The biggest shock is just how much Recollection changed the story of ACR. This is most notably present in how everything wraps up and comes together at the end. Matthew's storyline is NOT left hanging for a future game to pick up this time... he gets closure, though I admit the actual "solution" to his mystery doesn't quite add up and feels a little half-assed. But I understand that the devs had their hands tied a bit here... how do you end his storyline when you don't have a whole other game to expound upon the answers and you ALSO don't want to spend a ton of time destracting further from Ashley's own plotline? It's a tough situation.

5. The biggest change is undoubtedly Ryan Gray. Without spoiling anything, I'll just say that Ryan's entire backstory is now different and MUCH more sci-fi in nature. It gets pretty wild! It does at least tie into the resolution to Matthew's storyline, although he also loses some of what made his ending so satisfying in the process. But in fairness, he also GAINS something: Ryan becomes more a sympathetic presence and far less of an emotionally detached person in this version of the story. However, unlike in the original ACR, Ryan no longer leads us to learning the ultimate mastermind behind all the tragedy in the series. Which is... a hell of a choice to make, because now it's kept very VAGUE who the actual mastermind was. I'm not sure if the game actually says who it is (one person is clearly implied to be responsible, but... ) or just leaves it vague for a possible future installment. But shit, if you were gonna do that why not just leave Matthew's storyline the same at that point... ?

6. There are other small changes throughout, of course. Most of them have no real impact on the storytelling to me, but personally, I really missed the scene where Ashley talks to Matthew about D from the first game after Matthew first witnesses a ghost. It's a great moment I wish they'd kept. Also, a funny change is that the characer of Sam Hillman - who never really did jack shit in the original game - is just straight-up removed now. Janet gets a slightly expanded role that lets her step into Sam's position instead. Sorry/not sorry, Sam. LOL.

7. It is once again impossible to overstate the value of the enhanced presentation. The voice cast does an absolutely amazing job throughout, and the more detailed facial animations give Ashley so much more SASS than she ever had before. I fucking LOVE it.

8. The ending credits had me literally choking up... just like the end credits of the original ACR did, but in a totally different way. The montage of beautiful artwork and that pencil-style animation of Ashley feeling hopeful and full of joy is just... SO beautiful. Seeing Ashley in her original outfit from ACR! Seeing Matthew with his dad! Seeing Charlotte's extended family! KYLE FUCKING HYDE cameo appearance! (So glad to see MORE confirmation of the shared CING universe.) That ENDING SONG - so beautiful and touching!!! LOOOOOOVE.

9. Ultimately, if you asked me "Is it better to play the original Trace Memory/Another Code games or just play Recollection?" I'd say "Yes." I can't honestly decide if I love this revision or the originals more, so just PLAY ASHLEY'S GAMES. The story is better presented and the dialogue is better-written here, but I prefer the puzzles and small branches/choices in the originals. But either way: They're beautiful, satisfying stories that, even when they're sometimes predictable, are still thoroughly worth experiencing and full of delightful characters and touching resolutions. I want more people to love these characters as much I do. JUST PLEASE PLAY.

10. #AshforSmash6 :D

[artist-issues]

Quick question. Have you read any of Brandon Sanderson's books before? If so, what books would you recommend?

Also, what books of C.S. Lewis, would you recommend and why.

I want to start reading them, but I'm uncertain what books I should pick out and try.

Hello my friend!

I've never read Brandon Sanderson, or heard of him! Do you hear good things about him? Should I look into him? Sorry to turn it back around on you.

C. S. Lewis is unlike any other author to me. What he has to say resonates with me and feels like he opened up my heart and put what was in there into order every time I read his stuff. Feels like going to the chiropractor—like my thoughts and emotions and vague ideas have been out of alignment, and he pops them back into place where I didn't even know I needed alignment.

That said, I love all his stuff. Fiction, non-fiction, essays, letters to friends, lectures, everything. So I'm almost...the wrong person to ask, because I would recommend ANYTHING he writes.

I'll try to give you a little recommendation-by-starting point?

If you're looking for fiction: Read the Chronicles of Narnia. If you've already read them, read them again 😅 I read them on loop. They're on my phone. I'm never not reading them.

If you're looking for deeper ("adult") fiction: Read Out of the Silent Planet, then Perelandra—but I don't recommend reading That Hideous Strength until you've tried to read...

3. If you're looking for commentary on fundamental worldviews: Read The Abolition of Man. It's an essay on what C.S. Lewis believed about the idea of "progressivism," but it has a lot to say about objectivity versus subjectivity, and where logic and emotion belong in the priority-list of a person...I just recommend that everybody read The Abolition of Man. Then read That Hideous Strength to finish the Ransom Trilogy, because it's kind of a modern-fairytale picture of what Lewis was trying to say in Abolition. Reading both will compliment his thoughts!

4. If you're still looking for more fiction: Read The Screwtape Letters and The Great Divorce, then Til We Have Faces and The Pilgrim's Regress.

5. If you're looking to set your mind on the things above with C.S. Lewis: Read Mere Christianity, and The Problem of Pain.

6. If you're looking to hear what C.S. Lewis had to say about stories or critical thinking: Read his essay in response to critics of the Lord of the Rings (I think it's called "The Dethronement of Power") and read An Experiment in Criticism. (He has so much good stuff to say about enjoyment, and how humans can use their critical thinking skills to actually get in their own way. C.S. Lewis really believed that people should enjoy what is good to enjoy, in the proper way, and that that was one of the most God-honoring things you could do. He also hated teetotaling along the same lines 😅)

Remember that everything C.S. Lewis writes is very "thematic." He wasn't exactly making allegories all the time, but he was making "supposals" all the time. For example, Narnia is "suppose God created other worlds; in those worlds there had to have been a Jesus; in a world of talking beasts, what would Jesus look like? A lion." Or, "suppose God created life on all the planets in our solar system, not just Earth, and suppose Satan was put in charge of ours while other angels were put in charge of other planets; then what would space travel look like?" And many thematic lessons are tied up in there.

Also, if you read his biography Surprised by Joy and Perelandra, you might come to realize something about C.S. Lewis' beliefs that I'm only just starting to grasp: he thought we make WAY too drastic and exclusive a distinction between "story" and "reality." He believed that there was something in every story which points back to the one great story God made up, which is reality. So he's not afraid to include pagan mythology in his own Christian stories because to him, knowing their history and the cultures they come from, some of those pagan myths and stories tie neatly into truths about God. It might be a hard thing to grasp depending on your Biblical upbringing, but the spirit of what he means is not unbiblical.

Another cool thing I'm learning from Lewis is that he didn't think of all mankind as monsters. Oh, he believed that the Bible was correct when it says "all have sinned; there is none righteous," etc. He certainly didn't believe there was anything good left in man. But what he did believe was that man was kind of like a broken mirror, I guess. Like, it's in pieces on the floor. Good for nothing but the trash. But you can still look hard at the shards and figure out what it should be doing, and in that way, you can see traces of the mirror's creator. So in his biography, there's this interesting part where C.S. Lewis actually says that heartlessness is a worse sin than, say, homosexuality—they're both sin, but at least one points to a twisted version of what we were made for, which is love. At least someone could look at those broken shards and maybe come to the conclusion that there is a God who made us creatures for love, and therefore learn something about Him, even if we mucked it up. But with a heartless person? Lewis seems to condemn that person as not human at all, because there's no trace, not even a broken trace, of what humans are meant to be in them.

I just thought that was interesting. Because it makes you realize that mankind's story isn't "bad to good." It's more like, "good, to bad, back to good." Which is why any of us recognizes the need for God at all.

Anyway! Sorry for the ramble, I know you didn't ask for it 😅 I hope that gets you started? I also hope you blog about what you think of any of Lewis' stuff; I can't wait to read it. He's near and dear to me, so I like the thought of "sharing" his writing with anyone. Thank you'