#no actual hate to franco i just think this is going to be a mess

[dozyisdead]

I just want to note something:

all you who hate on franco are disgraceful. I’ve said before that he’s been said to be a bit of a messy driver, but that doesn’t mean shit. “messy” is a broad term. it’s also subjective. and, messy could literally mean anything. the reason i say it though, is the connection to the fact that the williams car is a mess and a monster to wrangle as a driver who is extremely polished, like lewis hamilton or fernando alonso. if his driving style is wilder or not as clean cut, we could see him possibly getting hurt with how the williams acts. i’m not sure if any of you watched what happened to logan in zandvoort, but just going into the GRASS made that car kick back at its driver. i don’t even want to KNOW what it could do to franco if he was at all hesitant. i’m sure the team has told him to get used to the car first, but it’s still a scary thought. if you hesitate or balk at anything in an F1 car, not to mention the WILLIAMS, you’re done for.

my love for logan does not mean i automatically hate franco, and me being slightly critical or looking at what his race results and patterns show me does not mean i hate him. honestly, i hope he takes the experience and runs with it and learns. i think as the future of F1 he and all the younger drivers in F3, F2, and F1, he should be careful. this sport is dangerous, terribly dangerous.

i hope franco learns from this, and i also hope that logan goes somewhere that will treat him with the respect and kindness he deserves.

[dozyisdead]

if it makes you feel any better there’s a high chance that the rest of the season plays out worse than if they kept logan. in fact i think logan would have majorly improved by the end but they’ll never get to see that.

so take this all with a grain of salt and please do not quote me on any of this, but according to a friend of mine, who happens to watch F3, F2, and F1 all religiously, Franco is known to be a messy driver. that combined with the absolute monstrosity that is the Williams car is going to be a mess of a combination. the Williams is a testy/pointy car at best, an absolute shitbox last minute science project taped together with duct tape on average.

so, basically, what i’m saying is we’re most likely about to see p16 finishes at highest, even still very unlikely, my guess is a p18 at highest and below, and a very bad end to the 2024 season for Williams. james is going to heavily regret this.

also i want to say i really have no hate to franco but im just observing what’s been laid before us and making predictions. i also have no hate towards alex! i honestly think he’s been the most supportive person so far and i hate that their time as teammates ended this way.

also praying that logan gets a nice payout from this whole mess because i’m 90% sure this counts as a contract breach, but i might be wrong on that!

the problem was that you threw an F2 driver into an F1 seat too soon and now you’re doing the same thing all over again?

[mclqren]

HOW YOU GET THE GIRL ★ FC43

PAIRING ✦ franco colapinto x fem!sargeant!reader

SUMMARY ✦ with your brother's seat being taken by your admirer of the past year, you try your best to stay clear, but it's hard when franco is trying so goddamn hard to get your attention [ SMAU ]

WARNINGS ✦ cursing, very minor hate comments

REQUESTED ✦ here!

NOTES ✦ i am NOT fluent in italian or spanish so please correct me if i've messed up on either of them! i count this as the best of both worlds because i love having franco on the grid but i'm missing my goat logan. the faceclaim i've used is marissa long but feel free to picture whoever you want! my requests are open so feel free to leave a request :)

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tagged logansargeant

yourusername logie, my bestest friend and the best older brother i could ever ask for. i am so so SO proud of you and the journey you have had during your formula one seasons. so many memories have been made, and i know that i will never ever forget the times we spent in the williams paddock, just having fun together (& bullying alex, obviously). the williams social media page won't be the same without me posting slips of you. trust me when i say this isn't the end, but simply the beginning. lots of love always and forever, y/n 💗

comments have been restricted

logansargeant ❤️

liked by logansargeant, francolapinto, and 94,522 others

yourusername someone hit me up with an italian man please, i love this country

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user4 oh she's taking it

user5 mother as perrrr

user6 the sargeant genetics are LETHALLL

user7 please someone tell me why is she in italy if her brother doesn't drive for williams anymore?

user8 she's the williams social media manager!! she started in the same year as logan x

logansargeant baby sis ❤️

yourusername love you sm 💗

francolapinto did you know i'm actually half italian?

francolapinto sei molto bella🙏🙏 (you are very pretty)

user9 second year running and he's after y/n AGAIN IM CRYING

user10 after taking her brother's seat too PLEASEEE he has guts i have to give it to him

user11 FRANCO'S COMMENT I'M DYINGGGG

user12 and the way she's ignoring it too oh my days 😭 it's been a year and he's still on this

imessages ( y/n )

liked by logansargeant, francolapinto, and 92,801 others

yourusername week off 🍏

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user16 farm girl???

user17 where is she 😭😭

yourusername my best friend's farm 💗

user18 multi-talented girl fr

user19 she looks like she BELONGS fr

user20 she def doesn't want to go back to the old 9-5

yourusername oh def not

yourbsf my angel 🪽🤍

yourusername best time w you alwaysss 💗

francolapinto never wanted to be a goat so badly

user21 I AM PISSING MYSELF

user22 HE IS SO BLATANT AT THIS POINTTTT

user23 @/yourusername PLEASE WE NEED YOUR THOUGHTS ON FRANCO'S COMMENTS

user24 she def won't answer but it's still so fucking funny i can't

liked by logansargeant, francolapinto, and 97,210 others

yourusername most beautiful place 💗

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user28 beautyyyy

user29 please y/n we need to see your pinterest RIGHT NOW the vibes are everything

user30 okay but...you & franco??

user31 what about letting people have some privacy, hm?

user32 oh wowwww

francolapinto not as beautiful as you 😉❤️

yourusername 🤣🤣

user33 FRANCO YOU DID IT!!!

user34 watch as franco puts y/n noticed x1 in his bio now

user35 THE WAY HE ACTUALLY DID IT. GIRL...

user34 I AM CREASING I CANNOT

lilymhe baby girl 😍

yourusername my lilypad i love you to bits!!

logansargeant are you sure you and that lion aren't twins

yourusername i'm thinking we were separated at birth??

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tagged francolapinto

williamsracing and just like that, mr colapinto is a point scorer in formula one, in his second ever race!! congratulations franco, take a bow 👏💗

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user38 CONGRATULATIONS FRANCOOO!!

user39 big question is...which admin posted this?

user40 one MILLION percent y/n. no doubt about it.

user41 you can tell y/n posted this bc of her signature pink heart HAHA

user42 i just know somewhere franco is kicking his feet and giggling over y/n telling him to take a bow for his performance

user43 oh franco colapinto you have won me over

user44 seeing this and lowkey feeling so sad for logan

user45 no but imagine how y/n must feel?? her brother just leaving and having to post this, she must hate franco right about now

user46 honestly, judging by the post race interview, i think y/n is fine with franco scoring points, tbh!

yourusername 👏👏💗

francolapinto hearts ❤️

user47 I AM SOBBING THIS IS TOO CUTE??

imessages ( franco )

imessages ( y/n )

liked by logansargeant, francolapinto, and 101,989others

yourusername 🦢🦢

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user48 IS MISS Y/N OUT ON A DATE???

user49 facecard could kill.

user50 Y/N ON A DATE WHO CHEERED

user51 someone check up on franco like right now.

user52 either franco is the guy in the pictures and that's why he's not commenting, or he's entered a depressive state

user53 knowing his dramatic ass it could be either

alex_albon mystery man 👀🤑

yourusername shhhh albon

logansargeant i'll fight him if he hurts you 😁

yourusername love you too logie 🧸

imessages ( y/n )

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tagged francolapinto

yourusername city break 🇦🇷

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user54 FRANCO CAMEO FRANCO CAMEO THIS IS NOTTTT A DRILL

user55 I AM SCREAMING

user56 alexa play how you get the girl by taylor swift

user57 she's in his hometown...so this serious stuff now

user58 Y/N I LOVE YOU FOR THIS

francolapinto 😁❤️❤️

yourusername 💗💗

logansargeant willing to fly out to collect you if i have to 🫡

yourusername i promise you i'm fine 💗

liked by alex_albon, yourusername, and 1,112,091 others

tagged yourusername

francolapinto 1 AÑO DESPUÉS… ¡¡TENGO A LA CHICA!! ¡¡VAMOS!! la persona más hermosa por dentro y por fuera, con el corazón más grande que jamás haya existido. estoy tan feliz en este momento que las palabras no pueden explicarlo. te amo te amo te amo ❤️ (1 YEAR LATER… I GOT THE GIRL!! COME ON!! the most beautiful person inside and out, with the biggest heart that ever lived. i am so happy right now that words cannot explain it. i love you i love you i love you ❤️)

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user59 original y/n franco fans RISE

user60 WE ARE THE REAL WINNERS!!

user61 oh he is in love for real

user62 need someone to love me how he loves y/n

user63 their love is so so special

user64 okay but how's logan feeling about all this...? must be so awkward...

user65 judging by his comment...i think he's doing absolutely fine 🤣

logansargeant hurt her and i'm at your doorstep. 😊

francolapinto will never be a problem 🫡

yourusername you're the cutest ever

yourusername FRANCO 🤣🤣

francolapinto let me share my love for you, no?

yourusername i wanna kiss you so bad rn

logansargeant keep it pg-13 please.

yourusername logan.

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TAGS ✦ @shepgurl ; @blushmimi ; @nyxx-knight ; @fall-bambi ; @suns3treading ; @wowzees ; @d3kstar ; @poppysrin ; @ailooosworld ; @joalslibrary ; @dejavuontrack ; @dripostsstuff ; @kaylassturniolo

[may-stuff]

To lighten the mood after that absolute disaster of a GP weekend, I have fluffy Franco thoughts 😅 I feel like he’s the type of guy that’s flirty and smooth with everyone except the girl he’s actually interested in. He would get all nervous and blush in front of you and at first you’d be confused because he doesn’t flirt with you like he does with all the other woman so you think he must not be interested at all, but it would eventually end in an adorable confession from him and just ughhh blushy nervous Franco ❤️

Pls he'd run away from you lmaooo

Every time he sees you, his confidence just disappears and he becomes a mess, he can't even speak properly. His heart beats so fast that he feels he might be going into cardiac arrest. So he starts ignoring you, that's the only solution he can come up with.

For like a month, every time you speak to him, he answers with monosyllables, if he even answers at all. Almost every time you enter a room, he leaves. He only starts a conversation when it's strictly necessary and never looks you in the eyes.

Naturally, you think he hates you, so you start acting the same. Of course, you've always felt attracted to him but never had the chance to let him know, and now that you think he hates you, you put some distance and start paying attention to other guys.

When someone else catches your eye and it's obvious that person is interested in you too, Franco panics. He panics hard. He doesn't know what to do. Or he actually does but he's too scared. So, one night when you come back from a date (which was actually awful) he's there waiting for you. You can't even express how surprised you're by seeing him there because he starts talking and tells you, almost in tears, that he loves you and that he's been a fool and that he hates himself for not telling you sooner-

You kiss him to shut him up and to tell him you feel the same.

[brxkxnhxxrtsclxb]

finally picked up pasión de gavilanes 2 again and… SIGH

it reminds me why i dropped it to begin with ._.

i finished the ACTUAL novela a couple months back and it was so fun. it’s no wonder is a highly regarded classic. BUT THIS ??!!

i’m on what ?? episode 11 ?? 12 ?? around there of season 2 and it’s just eww😭😭

idk if i should give it a little more but i did check the first two episodes after finishing the OG and the vibe was VERY different and NOT IT from the get go. like how tf do we go from a romance storytelling and being character driven… to a murder mystery (which is so stupid cuz the OG had nothing like it) ?? it’s dumb and feels ugly

the new cast is so bland too. like i’m sorry but i really do not gaf about their kids😭 the worst offenders are the freaking reyes twins like goodbye. y’all annoying and ugly. at least be good to look at ?? idk😭😭 (that was mean but at least the three reyes brothers were good to look at in the original >.< they still are but that’s besides the point)

sorry. i just had to get this out my system >.< i don’t think i can continue watching this :// i went back to it cuz i recently found out they’re apparently making a season 3 but i can barely get past season 2 so i might just not even watch it T_T

the little i’ve seen of spoilers is so dumb. oscar wouldn’t have cheated on jimena. he just WOULD NOT. and have a kid without her ?? FUCK THAT. franco would’ve never left sara. why tf y’all got her thinking he left her for someone else and insecure over rosario AGAIN ?? speaking of rosario, why tf is SHE BACK ??!! she moved on from the reyes. she had her villain era when she was trying to keep franco and sara apart in the OG !!!! also the juan david and rosario plot is just so boring and stupid. again, SHE MOVED ON FROM THE REYES (not to mention juan david was literally A BABY WHEN SHE MET HIM BACK IN THE OG) !! don’t get me started on miss gaby (that’s how i call gabriella cuz she would piss me off in the OG lmaoo) NOT believing her granddaughter about her bestie demetrio. DID SHE LEARN NOTHING FROM DON FERNANDITO ??!! also, i don’t like the new don martin. no hate to the actor, it’s not his fault he did his job. he’s just not as funny and doesn’t have the charm jorge cao did T_T

sorry for the rant. this novela went from a cute, lighthearted story about family to… whatever this mess is. sure they talk about family but it doesn’t feel like they mean it. doesn’t even have the comedy bits the original had to help break the tension. of course, the original has some issues and some problematic jokes that wouldn’t have flown by today but i can forgive it as it’s in tune with the times (early 2000s)

also the THEME SONG ??!! i’m sorry but the song originally made sense . it was in tune with the story and now it’s not. this is a murder mystery. sure there’s romance but it literally took the backseat so it doesn’t even make sense anymore. and i don’t like the new version. it sounds bad T_T it just doesn’t fit

this season 2… none of the vibes fit anywhere. doesn’t even feel like the same show. they should’ve just not made season 2 but that’s just my opinion. or at the very least, they should’ve just made it a different version of the characters. kinda like the addams family or marvel / DC comics where we have the same characters, just different versions of them. that would’ve worked better to separate the two but nah. they wanted to continue it thus ruining everyone. it’s ugly ._.

[sovereignzofdarkness]

hhai I think you're rllt cool uhm . Opinions on this dude?? :0

ah, beloved cheese... one of those characters i have a surprising amount of thoughts on but i feel like i dont actually ever talk about them

Sexuality Headcanon: this kind of goes hand in hand with my gender headcanon for them but i genuienly feel like they dont stick to labels all that much. they like being a human (or cookie i guess) enigma making men question their sexualities either which way. they think its funny and i feel like they revel in that kind of thing. they go with whoever they want and everyone around them desires them carnally

Gender Headcanon: again feel like they dont stick to labels but at most if they absolutely had to theyd consider themself transfem but dont really go beyond that. theyre some secret third thing A ship I have with said character: cinnafort has quiiiiickly grown into a big big favourite of mine dont even ask me how it just happened i like it a lot. cant help enjoying the trope of a more outwardly souave character paired with someone whos just a hot mess. (not to say roguefort isnt also a hot mess but no ones gotta know... for now...) though honorable mention to cheesefort because i can never forget a first love... (still like the pairing cinnafort is just my go to rogue pairing) LAST MINUTE EDIT TO SAY I ALSO REALLY LIKE CROWFORT ME AND A BUDDY HAVE WRITTEN A LOT OF SPECIFIC SCENARIOS REGARDING THEM TOGETHER AND I THINK THEYRE A REALLY FUN RIVALS TO STILL KIND OF RIVALS BUT WITH A WEIRD ROMANTIC TENSION GOING ON THEYRE VERY FUN.

A BROTP I have with said character: roll cake and roguefort living in the same apartment complex and becoming kind of friends through that is something that started in a roleplay server of mine and ive kind of been obsessed with the idea since. i really like the idea of rogue and roll being friends, not super close but roll invites rogue to dinner sometimes just as a nice thing to do as sort-of neighbors and hes completely oblivious to rogues personal life but they get along well enough

A NOTP I have with said character: this may be a bold one to say and i dont really *hate* it as much as i just find it *boring* but i kind of dont care much for almondfort. i understand the appeal, serious straightlaced detective with smug thief, i understand why people like it, and i understand why its the most popular pairing for the both of them (except maybe beaten by almondlatte w almond but im not even sure about that) but at the same time it feels like the most...boring approach to their dynamic? to be blunt? at least in the way ive seen it portrayed most of the time.

i dont mean this to be mean to anyone who likes the pairing bc i know there are people in my following who do like them; those are just my own personal thoughts. ive always found a more interesting reading of their dynamic to be related a bit to how i generally view almond; someone who tends to accidentally come off as patronizing to anyone younger than him and whos instincts as a father can genuienly sometimes get in the way of his detective work when it comes to certain criminals. and then take roguefort, someone who comes from a somewhat troubled family background, and that almond knows that they come from a somewhat troubled background, and well almond starts having a sort of pitying, 'i know they can do better' mentality that i feel roguefort would be aware of and would honestly probably drive them to act out more which causes almonds pitying to get stronger and well its an awful cycle. went on a bit of a tangeant there, but i think that sort of weird strained dynamic can just be a lot more fun to explore imo. no drag to anyone who does like them as a ship but those are just my thoughts

A random headcanon: i think in a real life human setting roguefort would be franco belgian

General Opinion over said character: rogue is a very very very fascinating individual. very fun to write about! has so many things wrong with them

[sweetestdiary]

Various Rosaria Headcanons

Trying to get her to be main character potential like Eve. 😤

Rosaria has less empathy and compassion than Eve does. Rosaria also has more fight in her than Eve does. Rosie is friendly forreal, she has good intentions, she would like to change the world for the better through law (or, when she briefly considered journalism) but she’s not a “people need people” person 🥺 like Eve is. Just like Sal and Sonia, Rosie very much has the mentality that she should look out for people who are close to her (Eve, her closest family members) She knows people are fucked up. That’s why the planet is a mess, that’s why governments are corrupt, that’s why her mother died young. She’s able to feel bad for people when certain things happen, but Rosie is such a vengeful and spiteful person she also feels perfectly fine when misfortune crashes down on people she hates.

“Just because you find that life's not fair, it / doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it / if you always take it on the chin and wear it / Nothing will change” “If you sit around and let them get on top, you / Might as well be saying you think that it's okay / And that's not right / And if it's not right, you have to put it right.” - Rosaria’s worldview as described by the Matilda musical 

She only finds herself crying when she’s scared or anxious. Extreme sadness would have to make her cry. Actually, scratch that, Rosie is inclined to cry about animals. Especially abandoned or mistreated animals because she feels like it’s the job of humans to give them good lives!

Because she was roughly 9 or 10 when Stefani died, Rosie doesn’t remember what Stefani’s voice sounded like. And if it wasn’t for pictures, she wouldn’t fully remember what her face was like. I came to this conclusion when realizing that although I remember my childhood teachers, my memories of their exact faces are a little hazy and the pitch of their voice might be inaccurate too.

Stefani always use to style Rosie’s hair elaborately when she was alive. Rosie hated it, but never complained because her mom had the right to touch her hair (or at least, Rosie thought she did) after that, Rosie’s hair has been sort of plain and boring but ‘manageable.’ 

She really hates going to hair salons so that’s seldom done until she links up with Raphael. Going to salons are nerve-inducing when it comes to talking to the stylist/answering questions/sitting still. She also hates people touching her hair in such a intimate way. I would say going to salons are sort of like an irritational fear, because at a certain point in her life she goes regularly. 

Any low self-esteem she has comes from Angie and Apollonia making fun of her when she was a kid. They’re both her least favorite cousins. She would’ve grown up feeling closer to Franco’s family, had she grown up with them.

Her favorite band(s) are Tennis, the bird and the bee, and Teagan and Sara.

She collects books largely so she can sell them in the future if she’s low on money. It was a strategy she picked up when living alone. This is why Rosie owns a ton of books. It’s not uncommon for her to go to 3 different bookstores so her selling doesn’t look suspicious.

Her longtime favorite film(s) are Little Shop of Horrors and Hairspray. Because of Ben her favorite animated movie is Mary and Max.

She likes reality shows like Undercover Boss and Hoarders, plus elaborate PBS documentaries about random people in history.

Handcuffed herself to a tree in college in a radical student protest, got interviewed by Sheila while she was handcuffed. She and Sheila attended the same college.

[streetsofaesthetics]

A Full Comprehensive List of Ben/Rosie Things

(Dear Diary Edition)

(as of 12/28 because I change shit all the time)

A slow burn like Sal and Eve were, but moves considerably faster.

Rosaria gets a job at a vintage bookstore as an assistant to the elderly shopkeeper and Ben works a few blocks down at a used video store. 

The first time they meet he came looking for a specific book about animation that was published in the 1970s. Rosie had posted about this book on her job’s social media account in an attempt to lure in customers, only to lose track of the book when working on other things. She spends 20 minutes in his presence looking frantically for the book only to never find it. Eventually this book is found because Rosaria stayed overtime (until 10 pm) looking for that book because she felt heavy shame for her accident. Giving Ben the book seals their friendship.

Rosaria begins going to Ben’s job in the pursuit of finding new movies to watch or selling her DVD boxsets when she really needs to make rent money. They usually just spend (her) entire lunch break talking about all types of movies and directors.

From the first time Ben saw Rosie he thought she was cute. Clearly anxious and neurotic but he was charmed with it, and felt like these traits meant he could be himself. Rosie only saw Ben as a friend, but thought ‘I think I could date him?’ when he explained the history of Claymation. Needless to say, she goes to Eve to talk about her interactions with Ben and how her feelings are developing. Sal does not approve but both Eve and Rosie ignore him. 

Rosie and Ben’s first date is at a small bar and its a mess. He found himself stuttering and under pressure to make it worthwhile, he spills a drink on her because his hands were shaking, Rosie overthinks everything and wonders if he’s going to ask to have sex. But despite all these mishaps she wants to see him again.

In this specific universe, Ben becomes Rosie’s first real boyfriend. She had only went on two dates with other men in her past. He’s also the first person she has sex with. Dynamic-wise they function like a nice, working class, 20-something white couple that belongs in a independent movie. 

They move in together because Rosie hates her studio apartment and have an enormous honeymoon phase. They only want to spend time together when they���re not working, which stuns Eve because she always tried to balance out the time she spent with Sal and the time she spent with her friends. (That, and Sal can be very overwhelming when Eve’s social energy is drained)  

Rosie and Ben are so hooked onto each other that she’s had sex with him upstairs in the bookstore when her boss was out for lunch too many times.

Ben begins making a webcomic of Rosie’s cat, because he feels like the kitten has a “face with a story to tell.” They actually make bank off of this. 💰💰 Ben also thinks he and Rosie are probably going to get married someday so he also occasionally makes webcomics about a fictional version of them.

Rosie decides she wants to go back to college because she’s growing restless working at the bookstore. Ben supports her ambition to go to the local community college, but as she begins spending a lot of time on campus for events and clubs. Plus, she’s still working, so Ben is hardly seeing her.  As a result he develops these elaborate concerns about Rosie finding a smart, sexy classmate (or professor) and he feels she’ll fantasize about what life could be like with them. Or maybe she’ll be seduced! While this doesn’t happen, their sex life has taken a nose dive and typically Ben has to remind her that schoolwork, while important, is secondary to actually being a living person. 

What makes them break up? Sal and Franco’s imprisonment. Rosaria is burdened by her father and brother going to prison for five years, and while Ben initially tried to be supportive and console her, he also tries to tell her they were crooked and when you do certain things, there’s consequences. After ninety arguments about Sal specifically, Rosie breaks up with him, similar to how Eve silently breaks up with Sal. 

They’re mutually bitter. Mutually resentful. Ben finds reasons to contact her even though he shouldn’t, like because she left a (lost) slipper in the closet. Then Ben gets sad. Then Rosie gets sad. But Rosie comes to the conclusion with Eve that things like this are just apart of growing older.

By Mean Streets they’re still not dating. May not ever date again. Although Sal and Ben do ironically become good friends.

[vermillioncrown]

never heard of polyphia until one of my classmates mentioned it and now I’m seeing it everywhere (basset meinhoff phenomenon moment)

(apparently my modern band teacher’s teaching assistant used to do vocals for them - aforementioned classmate is a big polyphia fan so she’s been bombarding him with questions lol)

do you have any song recs for them?

i also never heard of polyphia… until this past sunday.

(super fucking cool about your ta! idek what i'd ask in that position… ig if you're doing band you actually want to do music in the future so it's just feeling around what contemporaries are up to, esp ones that you are a fan of)

tldr from oldest to newest to hear their progression:

inspire ep ("impassion")

envision single

muse album ("aviator", "jungle", "james franco")

renaissance album ("nightmare", "storm", "bittersweet", "amour", or "euphoria"; the 'or' is intentional)

entire the most hated ep ("icronic", "goose", "40oz")

entire new levels new devils album ("nasty", "saucy", "g.o.a.t." at the top. esp "g.o.a.t.")

"look but don't touch" single

entire remember that you will die album (esp "playing god", "bloodbath", "riverie", "chimera", "neurotica", "ego death")

in-depth reasoning why i picked those songs in particular under the cut

equation to finding polyphia via ytube algorithm:

synth/eurorack/producer ytube + anime ost and rock covers of those osts = twitch episode of herman li from dragonforce talking about "playing god"

clicked the vid, the intro to the song blew my metaphorical nuts clean off

bc of the way i listen to music, non-stop looping from sun-tues until i finished typing my proposal document

=

with these songs, you can hear their evolution from super technical prog metalcore (more metal than mathrock, more alternative influences) to what they are today.

old stuff, super super quintessential prog and math. noodling on, exploring but not much direction, interesting but ultimately unmemorable. "impassion" is the strongest of the old ep that took an idea and developed it to an end.

"envision" is super metalcore, but i like it. starting to see them fuck around with tempo and time signatures as they feel like it, rather than following a formula even during exploration.

of the muse album, this is the foreshadowing of what's to come. adding to the genre, experimenting and developing musical ideas more. i find that the most developed of the bunch are "aviator", "jungle", and "james franco"

renaissance album wasn't a big evolution since muse. but the biggest change is not just the focus on technical playing, they start messing with production. composition, mixing. really feels like their pondering what is their style. "nightmare", "storm", "bittersweet", "paradise", "amour", and "euphoria" all had some central musical idea and stuck with them; and despite being different it's more like a commentary on their style such that pick one to enjoy. they've def chilled out more by the end of this album and even the songs seem to feel like they know what direction they want to explore next.

the most hated ep YO. they're coming. really dialing in on that focus and pointed flex of their technique, rather than a scattered showing. the whole fucking ep is amazing, but standouts are "icronic", "goose", and "40 oz". you can tell they're getting comfortable with where they stand and what they do. the technical nature of their playing is more understated, with stronger melodic ideas, and you get some memorable riffs and licks.

new levels new devils HERE WE GO. verm bf thinks this is the best album, but i love the style of the new one too much to agree (getting there next). can't really avoid trap and hiphop this day and age, so why not ingest it? that influence starts coming in, and rather than a mashup or a remix, it is borrowing that influence to give this "if you know you know" stage for their musical skill and technique to Flex. no more getting lost in the sauce like prog metalcore. G.O.A.T IS FUCKING GOAT IF YOU READ MY TAGS IN THE LAST POST

look but don't touch is both more trap and metal at the same time. i find it interesting bc it's loud like a lot of older styles of rock, but it doesn't feel in your face. and the fact they chose to wind the song down at the end w vocals shows they know what they want to do and they'll just fucking do it. i can respect that

remember that you will die I love spanish guitar and latin style, holy fucking shit aaaaaa, that bossa nova in there is fucking 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 "genesis" is so funky, i feel like this is a b-side to a persona game ost lmao. "playing god" sucked me off and gave me a kiss that's how fucking good it was to listen to holy shit i want to explode!!! abso-fucking-lutely a flex with the playing, the bassline and drums are so fucking immaculate keeping the bounce without turning it heavy. god plays that song. "riverie" brought back the howls from "g.o.a.t." and you really see them come into playing and producing. "neurotica" is a bit lighter and just super cute and fun. "chimera" with that bossa nova in the middle YUH, "bloodbath" w deftone's moreno, more metal but without the heavy dissonance of deftones. and "ego death" is as cleanly as you can lay it out: a juxtaposition of one of the greats vs new talent

i really can't wait to see what they do next, bc even if it's not exactly to my taste, i feel like it'll at least be interesting.

[chthonic-cassandra]

Hello! I'm trying to make a list of dracula adaptations to watch, and I was wondering, which ones are your faves? Are there any you'd advise not to waste my time on? Thanks!

Oh, this is the best ask, thank you! I love talking about this.

I always say that these are the five Dracula movies which will give you the clearest sense of the arc of adaptation the story has taken over time:

Nosferatu (dir. F.W. Murnau, 1922)

Dracula (dir. Tod Browning, 1931)

Dracula/Horror of Dracula (dir. Terrence Fisher, 1958)

Dracula (dir. John Badham, 1979)

Bram Stoker’s Dracula (dir. Francis Ford Coppola, 1992)

However, this is not the same as a list of my favorites! I think that all of those are pretty essential viewing for a comprehensive understanding of the world of Dracula adaptations, even though I virulently hate the Coppola, and would happily bestow on you all the permission needed not to waste your time on it, despite it being tremendously influential.

My alternative list of weird personal favorite Dracula adaptations aside from the above (Murnau and likely Badham’s films would make their way onto a comprehensive list of my favorites) would be the following:

Nosferatu (dir. Werner Herzog, 1979) - my first Dracula, my favorite Dracula, and also my favorite film period. Watch it watch it watch it.

Drácula (dir. George Melford, 1932) - made on the same sets as the Browning film, with Spanish-speaking actors who came in and filmed after the cast of the English version were done, this film as a fascinating comparison to the iconic Browning/Lugosi film, and better done in almost every way, solving many of the English version’s plot holes.

Count Dracula (Jesús Franco, 1970) - Franco was a Spanish B movie director who made tremendously trashy films but also made some inspired casting choices. He lured Christopher Lee into playing Dracula again for this by promising him the chance to actually say some of the speeches from the books (Hammer films never let him do this), and somehow also got Klaus Kinski to play a visionary wordless Renfield. The movie itself is a mess, but how can you care?

Dracula (dir. Bill Eagles, 2006) - this is a very odd BBC film that changes the plot around dramatically but somehow still retains the essence of many the characters, who are charmingly cast, especially Lucy, Mina, and Jack. It’s weakened by a really badly played Dracula, but is a lot of fun for fans of the book.

If you want to go into the depths of the weirdness, I recommend you try:

Blood for Dracula (dir. Paul Morissey, 1974) - this Warhol-influenced oddity is impossible to truly describe; it’s full of strangely placed (but sometimes intensely hilarious) humor, very graphic sex scenes, and just...strangeness. Warning that there are some very weird and rather tasteless sexual assault scenes, but if you’re up for the weirdness, it is not to be missed.

Dracula: Pages from a Virgin’s Diary (dir. Guy Maddin, 2002) - this is the silent film ballet Dracula. It doesn’t always work, but it is certainly going for something.

I have not yet managed to see Dracula in Istanbul or this apparently crazy Czech film called Jonathan (in which, according to my reading, the vampires are a metaphor for capitalism), so cannot speak to those.

As for what can be skipped...you will miss out on very little if you skip Van Helsing, Dracula 2000, Dracula Untold (which is not even really a Dracula adaptation proper), or the newest BBC Dracula. 

I admit to getting the 1968 Mystery and Imagination Dracula, the 1974 Dan Curtis/Jack Palance Dracula, and the 1977 Louis Jourdan Dracula confused at times, but there is good reason for that; none of them is especially exciting or original, though each do have their good moment (and their fans, who I hope I am not too sorely offending here!). If you are choosing one of those three, I would go with the 1977; Louis Jourdan gives an interestingly understated performance, and they have some interesting Renfield-Mina interaction that other versions don’t have.

Once you watch The Horror of Dracula, you’ll have a sense of whether or not you like the Hammer film style, and you should know from there whether you want to watch the rest of them. 

Have fun!

[dozyisdead]

me finding out about the logan drop and just. screaming. i literally stayed at work an extra hour because it was so busy and now this??? and lo logan response?? honestly though i’m just hoping he said “good riddance” and fucked off on vacation because he deserves to just lay in a pool for 7 hours somewhere. the only silver lining that i’m seeing is that we’re about to see a notoriously messy driver (Franco, according to a friend of mine that watches F2 & F1 religiously) and a notoriously testy/pointy (see: SHITBOX FLAMING TRACTOR ASS BITCH OF A) car. J*mes Consonants is about to see his entire plan go up in flames and the world will see truly how horrendous of a car the williams is and realize that Logan was NOT the issue.

[diyunho]

The Joker x Reader - “Trapped” Part 5

Almost one year ago, someone tried to kill The Joker in a speeding car and Y/N pushed him out of the way, getting hit instead. With a fractured skull and broken bones, she was out of business for 6 months; when she finally recovered, The Queen of Gotham wasn’t the same anymore. Trapped inside her own mind and exhibiting severe cognitive impairment, Y/N’s life switched upside down without any hope of ever returning to normal.

Part 1    Part 2    Part 3    Part 4

4 Months Pregnant

“I need customized stickers that say Baby On Board for my purple Lamborghini and the other cars I drive,” The Joker growls at his own idea whilst sharing it with the person fulfilling his wacko trades: Franco Rossi, the leader of best underground supply chain in Gotham.

“When would you like them ready Mister J? After Y/N gives birth?”

“Nope! Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?...” Franco hesitantly inquiries about the sudden emergency since he can’t understand why The King of Gotham demands them so fast.

The Joker hates explaining yet certain people are obtuse thus they necessitate enlightenment.

“Y/N’s pregnant: when she gets in a car, the baby is also. Baby on board! Hello??” the father-to-be loses his temper.

Who can argue with The Joker’s logic? Nobody. It sort of makes sense anyway.

“Of course, Mister J. I’ll have them ready. If you drop by after 6pm, I’ll have your guns ready too.”

“Perfect!” the Joker hangs up among the ruckus coming from the office near the kitchen: sounds of shattered objects and yelling alert Richard aka Panda you’re at it again. He nonchalantly passes by in order to deliver the items to The Clown.  

“Your drinks Mister J,” he gives one cup with Starbucks caramel latte to his boss and the other is placed on the table. Why does your boyfriend require 2 identical containers? It won’t take long to solve the mystery.

“Are the lids glued?”

Strange question but there’s a purpose in it.

“Yes sir. How is she doing?”

“She’s hormonal: breaking things makes her feel better which reminds me we have to hoard porcelain objects for her to wreck. NO glass!”

“Sure, I’ll tell the crew,” Richard leaves the kitchen while texting Frost. “Hulk needs more to smash,” he types the code name they gave you in the last weeks although The King knows about it: J’s the one that came up with it.

“Hey Pumpkin,” you are greeted as soon as you pop up from the office. “How’d it go?” he scrolls down on his phone and takes a sip of hot liquid.

“Ugghh!” a frustrated Y/N swings the yellow teddy bear The Joker stole for her on their first date, hitting his hand in the process. The drink flies near the fridge and splatters on the floor with minimal damage: only a tiny puddle instead of a disaster, that’s why the lids are glued.

Safety measure for The Queen’s unpredictability.

J grabs his reserve cup of coffee, paying attention now hence he dodges your renewed attack and keeps his coffee intact.

That’s why his drinks have the lids glued, in case you catch him off guard the second time it will result in negligible destruction.

It happened before.

“I don’t think so Princess,” The Joker strong grip on the container calms you a bit because you won’t be able to win this round. “Are you hungry?”

“No,” you pout and sit in his lap.

“I bet the baby is,” the secret weapon is unleashed: J discovered such a gem by accident and it works like a charm. How can Y/N say “no” if the baby is involved? She can’t.

A plate filled with a bunch of your favorite breakfast food is placed in front of you and strangely enough you’re instantly hungry.

“Extra bacon,” he purrs. “Plus chocolate dip and honey mustard for your pickled cherries. I added peanut butter olives as a bonus.”

In your defense, you’ve been having weird cravings lately.

You place the toy on the chair nearby and start eating, ogling a Joker texting back and forth with his business partners. He chews the morsel you just offered and shivers: waffle dipped in clam juice is disgusting. Maybe he should look at the food you shove in his mouth.

“Gross,” J washes the terrible taste with coffee and gets a kiss for encouragement, yet he’s aware of the connotations. Another kiss confirms it.

Let’s put it this way: besides the hormonal episodes and food demands, The Queen has had a fresh type of craving recently - The Joker kind.

More than usually.

That’s why he has to clear it up.

“I’m flattered for being the center of attention; we gotta keep in mind that contrary to the popular belief, I don’t have unlimited stamina, Pumpkin.”

You nod in agreement and unbutton his pants, then unzip them also.

“Y/N, pay attention!” J insists since you don’t give a damn about his woes. “Think about it as a two way street: The Joker Street and I Want To Break Things Street. Are you with me so far?” he double checks.

Why is he yapping so much??! I guess you should make an effort to comprehend: he’s even doodling patterns on his phone to emphasize the speech.

“When you get hormonal, Princess, let’s try and walk on the I Want To Break Things Street instead of The Joker Street, hm? The Joker Street is sometimes closed for repairs until further announcement.”

OK, OK, this is a lecture. Something about a Joker Street, he seems upset he doesn’t have one…?... Right?...

If you were him, you would be pissed Gotham didn’t name a street in your honor when you’re so important for the town.

Another peck on his neck, then your lips go down his collar bone.

“You’re not paying attention, are you?” J mutters when it’s clear his shirt won’t remain on his body for too long.

“I am,” you defend yourself.

“Oh yeah? What did I say then?”

“Ummm…” you try to piece together words among estrogen taking over. “No Joker Street?...”

“Bingo, that’s it Princess! No Joker Street, correct! Choose the other street, yes?”

This time he kisses you, excited his idea was well received when in fact, both parties are referring to unrelated concepts.

“Wait,” J dodges your touch, “Richard is calling.”

Because he’s on the phone ignoring Y/N, she is ensuring a nice surprise for later; concentrating to the maximum to avoid misspelling, the following message is sent to Franco Rossi from her cell:

“Make a landmark sign that says Joker Street.”

The King’s conversation is prolonged more than anticipated until he discerns you’re not wiggling: you feel asleep, softly snoring on his shoulder and he definitely can’t afford to wake you up.

The doctors said your body is trying to cope with the pregnancy the best way it can: if you doze off at random hours it means you ran out of fuel and you should rest. After cheating death and surviving the accident, the future mother is at high risk of serious complications which is why each day could lead to unforeseen problems.

The Joker rises from the chair holding you in his arms and after a few steps he realizes it’s difficult to walk: thanks to his unbuttoned and unzipped pants, they keep sliding lower and lower. There’s no way he will make it upstairs so maybe the sofa in the living room is the best option. He almost trips thus he begins to drag his feet on the carpet, the pants at knee level now.

“I’m reduced to a piece of meat,” J grumbles, finally making it to the couch and placing Y/N on it so she can have her power nap.

*************

6:02pm

You accompanied The King to a meeting with Seraphim, the best hacker/strategist J uses: they’ve been plotting for a while concerning D.A. Kevin Winchester. The politician is becoming a huge pain in the butt for Gotham’s underworld and something must be done; either annihilation or blackmail, it truly doesn’t matter since he’s bad for business. Due to a total lack of interest in the subject, you are exploring the surroundings quite angry The Joker dragged you here.

Luckily there’s stuff to do.

Bam! you punch the fragile glass sculpture and it splinters into a million pieces on the lavish marble floor.

Seraphim jumps at the noise, immediately recognizing his beloved possession:

“That’s…,” he gulps, appalled. “That’s a Vitriol!”

Yup, the one and only Degas Vitriol, the latest sensation taking the art universe by storm.

“She’s hormonal,” J sneers. “She breaks shit!”

“That’s valued at 150,000 dollars!” the hacker breaths in much needed oxygen regarding the atrocity unfolding at his hideout.

“So??!!” your boyfriend sucks on his teeth, irritated. “Serves you right for buying that asshole’s artsy fartsy crap!”

The Joker actually has 4 Vitriol masterpieces at the mansion yet you were strictly forbidden to destroy them, alas he gave you the office for your rampages.

You continue your exploration as they talk about God knows what until you perceive an alarming detail: Seraphim is literally screaming having a gun pointed at J.

You sneak behind him then in a split second you strike the pistol out of his hand and your fist lands on his temple with such brutality it knocks him out unconscious.

“What the hell are you doing, Y/N???” The Clown hisses at your erratic behavior.

“Hm?”

“What are you doing??!!!” he repeats, annoyed.

“S-saving  you…,” you stutter, confused on why J is mad. “He was yelling and…mmm, had a gun,” you wince in pain because your knuckles hurt from the impact.

“The guy’s half deaf and sometimes he raises his voice without noticing, or did you forget??!! Now I have to wait until he comes to his senses and that’s a waste of my time, Y/N!!! Seraphim wasn’t threatening me, he was showing me his newest collectible!!! I suppose someone with half a brain can’t acknowledge the mess they’ve created!!!”

A lot of accusations thrown your way still… the last sentence brings tears in your eyes.

“I…” you bite your lower lip. “…I don’t have half of brain…”

“Wanna bet??” The Joker bites more instead of leveling with your logic: you though he was in danger and took action. If it was a real emergency, yes, you would have been the hero; it’s not and apparently he can’t appreciate your fast intervention in these circumstances.

“Y-you’re stupid…” you whisper, frustrated. “You don’t understand anything…”

Here it is -- the cataclysmic event of the century: someone called The Joker stupid. He’s beyond outraged with nothing better to utter besides a very childish:

“You’re stupid!”

Y/N turns around and stomps out of the house leaving a trail of destruction outside: she slaps the bottled water out of The Shark’s hand, kicks Panda’s shin and snatches Frost’s donut basically inhaling the sweet treat.

“I want to go h-home!!” you shout and enter the first vehicle you see, slamming the door so hard the window on the passenger side cracks.

“Jesus…” Jonny mumbles and being the sensible man that he is you are offered the whole box of pastries he purchased for his family. He can acquire more, but there’s no way in hell he wants to endure Y/N in the state she’s in.

Gotta keep Hulk calm somehow…

**************

3 Hours Afterwards

You sulk when The Joker strolls in the master bathroom frantically searching the cabinets.

“Did you see my shaver?” he asks.

“Hm?”

“Did you see my shaver?”

“I…I wouldn’t know. I only have half a brain,” the surprisingly eloquent phrase queues J his woman is holding a grudge for his earlier statement. Why wouldn’t she? He was a complete jerk.

At least you didn’t catch on to the obvious: The King of Gotham doesn’t own a shaver; hair just grows on his head.  

He glimpses at Y/N soaking in the bathtub with a kid’s book in her left hand and the right hand fingers sunk into a bowl filled with ice placed at the edge of the Jacuzzi. The Joker leans over and switches your book since it’s upside down.

You huff at the unwanted help and stare at the pictures expecting he’ll look for his shaver and disappear.

You’re not that fortunate today.

“Imagine my surprise when I drove the main alley and detected a sign that says The Joker Street,” he brings up the topic.

Franco Rossi was super-efficient …sadly you ordered the item before J ran his mouth at the hacker’s place, otherwise you wouldn’t care he wants a street with his name.

“You said no… no Joker Street,” you stammer. “Now you have one,” the bitter tone makes him roll his eyes: Y/N’s brain got what it could from his monologue, he should have known better than to make it complicated.

“Excellent…” The King starts rubbing your tummy, “… precisely what I was aiming for. I’m washing the baby, not you!” he underlines when you move farther from him.

You scrunch your face displeased but let him do it because it’s for the baby.

“I know what you’re doing,” Y/N gives him a cold gaze. “U-using the baby… I’m not stupid!”

Busted, The Joker thinks. The schemer in him won’t accept defeat though.

“I didn’t say you were.”

“Yes you did!”

“You said it first!!!” he reckons, antagonized. “Therefore two stupid people put together gotta make up for a smart one!!’

“I… I don’t wanna make out…” you frown at his suggestion.

The Joker sighs, deciding not to correct the trajectory of your judgement; it sure sounds like an opportunity.

“Why not?”

“I’m tired and…and I h-hate you,” your heavy eyelids close.

“Both viable reasons, even if I have to admit you striking Seraphim like that got me quite worked up. He’s no small fry! I had to wait for one hour for him to recover; you got a mean punch, woman! The more I reflect on it, the hornier I get. Which reminds me, Pumpkin: guess what?... … … I’m hormonal too.”

No answer, Pumpkin’s out.

“Of course nobody gives a damn if I’m hormonal!” he complaints while grabbing you from the bathtub. You cling to him for a few moments prior to drifting back into your dreams.

“Thanks for getting me all wet,” J snarls at the cruel reality of having his favorite Prada suit ruined.

“You…you’re welcome…” his Queen replies in her sleep, somehow her mind clutching to reality amidst pure relaxation.

This is what two hormonal individuals are reduced to: one’s dozing off, the other is suffering in silence, although being the proud owner of the tiniest road in Gotham compensates for the mishap.

It’s a two way street.

 Also read: Masterlist

You can also follow me on Ao3 and Wattpad under the same blog name: DiYunho. 

[may-stuff]

thinking about being franco's team mate and you guys are involved, but have agreed to keep it on the downlow to prevent any possible backlash towards your career. but this man just cannot help himself almost clinging to you and getting lost in your eyes and smile, that everyone pretty much knows there's something going on without it actually being confirmed. then someone flirts with you on camera during an interview or fan event or something, or maybe another driver, and his demeanor instantly changes and is a lot more grumpy and annoyed

Omg you won't believe this but I dream about being his team mate all the time (i can't drive)

And yes to everything you said!!

He'd be dying to let the world know you're his but he knows better than messing your career up so he'll control himself so every time something like that happens he gets so mad. Not at you, of course, it's not your fault. But he hates the situation you're in, the fact that he can't tell those people who flirt with you to back off because you're his.

And I'd feel like the fans know. They'd ship you guys a lot omg imagine the edits and the fics. there would be conspiracy theories everywhere lmao many fans would say you're only best friends and the others would provide proof that you guys are in love

I need to write this.

[365days365movies]

February 6, 2021: Romeo + Juliet (1996)

From the top!

Two households, both alike in dignity In Fair Verona, where we lay our scene, From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. From forth the fatal loins of these two foes A pair of star-cross’d lover take their life; Whose misadventured, piteous overthrows Do, with their death, bury their parents’ strife The fearful passage of the death-mark’d love, And the continuance of their parents’ rage Which, but their children’s end, nought could remove, Is now the two hours’ traffic of our stage; The which, if you with patient ears attend, What here shall miss, our toil shall strike to mend.

I mean, c’mon. It’s Shakespeare, I practically had to.

Which is why it may come as a surprise to hear that I think this play is overrated, far too overexposed, and honestly stars two of the most obnoxiously immature protagonists that Shakespeare ever wrote. Which is not to say that I don’t like it, but it is to say that it isn’t my favorite. Which one is my favorite, you ask? Eh, I vacillate between a few, but I might get into it, we’ll see.

Weirdly fitting, though, since this film is directed by a director who also isn’t my favorite. Can’t say I have a definitive favorite director either, but Baz Luhrmann ain’t it. To be fair, I haven’t seen Moulin Rouge (probably should, huh?), but his turn on The Great Gatsby...wasn’t my favorite, I’ll just leave it at that.

And while we’re into it, lemme just address Romeo and Juliet adaptations on film real quick. To be completely transparent, before today...I’ve only seen one adaptation of the play: Franco Zeffirelli’s excellent 1968 turn on it, and it’s a fantastic adaptation at that. Sone of you, however, may now be realizing that, if I’ve only seen one adaptation of the play...there’s an extremely glaring omission to my film repertoire.

Yeaaaaaaaaah...we’ll get there, I promise.

But, of course, the adaptations only scratch the surface of this plays influence. See, the whole point of the rivalry between the Montagues and the Capulets is that it’s SO OLD, that nobody truly remembers why it started in the first place. Because of that, other romance films have sought to supply a reason for that rivalry.

In other words, the two protagonists destined to fall in love often come from two backgrounds, if not families, that class. And, yes, only ONE FILM that I’ve watched this month doesn’t do that. Dirty Dancing and The Notebook make their “ancient grudge” class-based; low-class vs. upper-class. Even You’ve Got Mail makes it about money, although that one’s a little more of a stretch. In any case, versions of this trope have lasted for centuries, and it’s...maybe poisoned romantic cinema? I mean, there’s a reason they all seem similar. They’re all taking from a classic. And, yeah, more of them than you’d think use this formula. I mean...

Hell, if you think about it, both of them are technically dead by the end.

Anyway, jumping right smack dab into the ‘90s, where teen heartthrob of the decade, Leo DiCaprio himself, is cast to play the titular teen boy, and sort-of popular at the time Claire Danes is cast as the titular teen girl. Put them together, and you have a hatred that will last for centuries. Because yeah, they HATED each other apparently. Let’s watch! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

...Look, here’s a quick recap of a story that EVERYBODY KNOWS.

Two families hate each other, and each has a teenage kid; a boy named Romeo and a girl named Juliet. They see each other at a party, they IMMEDIATELY get those teenage hormones a flowing and fall in love at first sight. They talk a few times, then decide to get married. Romeo’s friends say, “Dude, her family’s all dicks,” and Romeo says “naw, dude, she’s hawt,” They hook up, and they get secret-married. But, since they can’t be together in life, and since Juliet’s supposed to marry a whole other dude, Juliet runs to the priest and says, “hey, fake my death real quick?” He gives her a potion, she pretends to be dead, Romeo finds out (after one of his friends is killed by Juliet’s cousin), and runs to her side. Dude then ACTUALLY kills himself with poison, only for Juliet to wake up, see his dead body, and then kill HERSELF with a KNIFE, and then the families find out, and the Prince comes by and just says, “Goddamn, you guys are dicks. So much so that you killed your kids, congrats.” And that’s the end.

Yeah. Two hours of play and movie (nice touch, by the way, Luhrman) compressed into a paragraph. And yet...I’m still gonna recap this movie. Glutton for punishment, I guess. And with that said...

It all starts with a newscaster, speaking the lines of the Prologue in the guise of a newscast, which is...very neat, actually! That’s followed by...Pete Postlethwaite saying the whole thing over again, backed by a hell of a lot of fast cut editing.

...Oh God, it’s a Luhrmann movie. I forgot. Also, uh...really trying to stretch out that runtime to make that 2-hour mark, huh, Bazzie? I admire that you’re trying to stick to that “two hour-stage” quote from the Prologue, really I do...but you had to repeat the Prologue TWICE to do that?

As the lines flash on screen, we’re also introduced to out major players, whom I’ll just introduce as they come up. After a little montage of the movie to come, and a confirmation that the ancient grudge has broken out into a gang war on the streets of Verona Beach (clever), we jump in the car of a few Montagues: Sampson (Jaime Kennedy), Benvolio (Dash Mihok), and Gregory (Zak Orth).

At a gas station, they meet some Capulets, specifically Abra (Vincent Laresca) and a few others. After some thumb-biting, they all draw their swords. Which are guns that have sword written on them. Well, that’s just silly.

This standoff is interrupted by the arrival of another Capulet: Tybalt (John Leguizamo). This, of course, leads to a swordfight (ugh), during which all players are, just...REAL dramatic with their movements, holy shit. In the process, Sampson’s shot (or...stabbed, I dunno), and the gas station explodes.

It’s war in the streets now, as Tybalt and Benvolio are eventually intercepted by Captain Prince (Vondie Curtis-Hall), the chief of police for Verona Beach. He reads out his rage upon the heads of the families. For the Montagues, these heads are Ted (Brian Dennehy) and Caroline (Christina Pickles); and for the Capulets, they’re Fulgencio (Paul Sorvino) and Gloria (Diane Venora). Is...is the grudge taking place because one of them is named “Ted,” and the other is FUCKING “FULGENCIO”? Because that’s one hell of a dichotomy.

Captain Prince lets them all off with a warning (I mean, no, they should ALL be arrested), and Caroline and Ted question the whereabouts of their melodramatic emo son. That son is, of course, Romeo (Leonardo DiCaprio), who laments poetically about how fucked up his family is.

Hanging out at a decrepit carnival (because of course he is), he’s soon found by Benvolio, and he laments on the lack of love between their two families. They bond over talk of women, and decide to secretly go to a party held by the Capulets that night to check out some girls.

Meanwhile, Fulgencio is speaking about this whole mess to Dave Paris (Paul Rudd). D...Dave? Really? We’re keepin’ fuckin’ Benvolio and Balthasar, but we had to name Paris DAVE? Guys, a little consistency with the name shit, PLEASE! Anyway, Dave (uuuuugh) is the governor’s son, and very wealthy, while also being a suitor for Fulgencio’s daughter.

That daughter is, of course, Juliet (Claire Danes), who’s being attended by her vain mother and kindly Nurse (Miriam Margoyles). As her mother’s preparing for the party, she talks up Paris as a suitor, although Juliet doesn’t seem SUPER into it. And s the Nurse tells her to “seek happy nights to happy days,” we go to Sycamore Grove, and to another party.

And this is where we meet my favorite character (everybody’s favorite character, let’s be honest): Mercutio (Harold Perrineau). Mercutio has been invited to the Capulet’s party, and invites Romeo to come along, in disguise. In the process, he gives one of the play’s most famous monologues: Queen Mab’s Speech. It’s truncated here, ad to be frank, Perrineau’s performance is a bit...over the top. But, it ends up to be fairly effective.

Also, Queen Mab is ecstasy. Yeah, that kinda dulled by enthusiasm for the whole enterprise, I ain’t gonna lie. But Romeo lies with Queen La, and they head to the Capulet’s party. And we’re about to hit PEAK LUHRMANN, people.

Look, I’m lame, I’ve never really done drugs, ecstasy included...but it FEELS like I’ve taken something now. And Romeo’s now trying to sober-up a bit. He dunks his head into a sink in the bathroom, and looks at a tropical aquarium that’s in there. And through that aquarium...

However, Juliet’s quickly spirited away by Nurse, and brought to dance with Dave. Romeo, meanwhile, gives his “Did my heart love till now” speech, and DOESN’T SAY THAT SHE DOTH TEACH THE TORCHES TO BURN BRIGHT??? Seriously, the beginning of that speech is completely deleted. That line, in and of itself, should’ve been left in.

Anyway, Romeo and Juliet speak, and the teenagers kiss...a lot. And yeah, they do kiss in this scene in the ply, but not that much. Immediately afterwards, they discover their family alliances, and Romeo and Mercutio flee the party. Romeo heads back soon after, and, well...you know the line. But soft...

This movie...LOVES water, huh? We see both Romeo and Juliet from underwater at separate points, they see each other for the first time through an aquarium, they’re making out in a pool right now. I mean, I’m sure there’s some symbolism to that, but I’m not sure what it is yet.

Anyway, the two starcross’d lover come just short of crossing stars, and they IMMEDIATELY get engaged to marry.

After a bit of ‘90s music whiplash, we meet Father Laurence (Pete Postlethwaite), a botany-loving priest, and soon-to-be ally to the young couple. Romeo asks Laurence to wed them, despite the fact that Romeo actually was in love with a woman named Rosaline. But, yeah, she’s one of the unseen casualties of this play, only sometimes making it into adaptations. As Romeo speaks to the Priest, I think this is a great time to mention that there is a FUCKTON of Jesus and Christian imagery in this movie. Water and Jesus, goddamn.

The Priest agrees, believing that a marriage between the two could bring peace to Verona Beach at last. We also get a bunch of quick edits showing various parts of the Luhrmann Shakespeare Cinematic Universe, all backed by a choir boy singing “When Doves Cry.” This is an...unusual movie.

It also seems that Tybalt has issued a challenge against Romeo, which Mercutio and Benvolio muse upon. They meet with Romeo on the beach, and as they hang around, their revelry is interrupted by the arrival of the Nurse. She gives him a warning not to fuck with Juliet’s heart, which he says that he won’t, as they’re planning on marrying. She appears to approve, but Mercutio seems not to. Definitely going with a more superficially mercurial take on the character, which fits. But that’ll be more apparent later.

Nurse goes to Juliet, and...OK, is she supposed to be Italian or Hispanic? Because I feel like I’m supposed to be mildly offended, but I don’t even know what she’s going for here. Anyway, the wedding time approaches, and the two get wed in secret. But on the beach, Tybalt has come to go after Romeo. Romeo tries to make amends, even giving up his “sword” to him, much to Mercutio’s anger. Which, uh...he’s not gonna stand for.

And, of course, Mercutio’s fatally stabbed while defending Romeo’s honor. He lays A PLAGUE O’ BOTH THEIR HOUSES, and dies. Romeo’s PISSED, and immediately goes to kill Tybalt. That leads to Romeo’s banishment, although they consummate their marriage before he takes off. Also, Juliet KNOWS that he KILLED HER COUSIN...but it’s Leo, I guess, and...hormones.

Romeo’s banished and goes to Mantua, AKA a trailer park in the middle of the desert. Juliet, meanwhile, is commanded by her father to marry Paris, although she REALLY isn’t into it now! She goes to Laurence and, yeah, threatens to kill him AND herself if he doesn’t have an idea. Hormones, man. They’ll fuck you UP.

Laurence’s solution, of course, is to have Juliet pretend to have killed herself by drinking a potion. No idea why he comes up with this idea, or has the skill to make the potion, but some questions aren’t meant to be asked or answered. He also says to that he’ll send a litter to Romeo, to let him know what the deal is.

Juliet pretends to kill herself, and it interred with her relatives. Meanwhile, Romeo’s cousin Balthasar (Jesse Bradford) comes by the desert, having just gone to Juliet’s funeral, and tells him that Juliet’s dead. And since Romeo never got the goddamn letter, he’s decided, “Well! Guess I’m gonna kill myself.”

He gets some poison, then goes to Juliet’s tomb, which is...decked in neon crosses. I mean, it looks nice, even it’s very, uh...over the top. Goddamn.

And, at this point, you know how this goes. Romeo drinks the poison and dies, Juliet wakes up JUST after, then kills herself as well, and the parents of both parties arrive to see them both dead, along with the Prince, who says “Y’ALL ARE DICKS,” and bounces.

That’s Luhrman’s Romeo + Juliet. And it’s a movie. Yeah, that I’ll give you. What did I think? What rating does it get? Well...I’ll elucidate in the Review.

[quirkfics]

pretentious

word count: 6.3k

warnings: smut, dirty talk, doggystyle, aged up, Monoma and his attitude

pairing: Monoma Neito x Reader (gender neutral)

author’s note: You know what, I can’t be the only person to think that Monoma Neito admires Tuxedo Mask. Phantom Thief, okay, so Horikoshi says he likes Franco-Belgian comics, which, valid, comics!! But I think Monoma secretly wants to be as suave as a shoujo hero and nothing anyone says can change my mind

It's just a t-shirt, honestly. You're not a big follower of the hero circuit, but the merch they put out for Deku has some super sweet green lightning strikes. The t-shirt looks artsy and isn't in-your-face with his brand, it matches fairly well with most of your clothes, and the guy seems okay?  Actually, that's kind of untrue. He seems so ridiculously earnest and kind that watching his interviews is a bit painful sometimes. So what the hell, you bought one of his shirts. There had to be thousands of other people sporting the same thing, but as far as you know, you're the only one whose ever been openly mocked by a pro hero for wearing it. In front of a live newscaster, no less. "Excuse me?" You know you haven't heard wrong, and even if you had, you're fairly sure that the shock and confusion in the faces of the small crowd around you would have clued you in. You're not entirely sure what this hero is trying to accomplish either, dissing on a fellow pro's apparent fan. Maybe they have some kind of rivalry going on through the media? Whatever the reason, you don't exactly care, but he's fucking rude. "Honestly, how can you excuse yourself? Wearing merch from that has-been." He chuckles, shaking his blond head, and then reaches a hand out in your direction, his black coat snapping in the breeze as he beckons you forward. The crowd around you starts to part, leaving a clear path to the small cordoned off area for his interview. Yeah. You're pretty sure this is some kind of media stunt, and you're wishing you'd never stopped to see what was happening. "How about I-" he starts, voice smooth, but still mildly disdainful. No. You don't want any part of this. Ignoring him, you turn on your heel, relieved when the crowd lets you go without too much fuss. Some of the people are looking at you like you're crazy - a pro-hero had wanted to pull you into the limelight! But a handful of people good-naturedly reach out to pat your shoulders as you pass them by, complimenting your support of Deku. "Can't even be persuaded to listen?!" He calls out, though his voice sounds a bit strained. You shouldn't acknowledge him. You know it. You don't want any news footage of you screaming at some asshole pro-hero flying around the internet anywhere, but... Well. You can't stand people like that. You raise your hand in a wave, and very clearly flip him off. You hope you never see him again.

--- Part of you wonders if someone has hit with you some kind of unlucky quirk, because within the week, you run into Phantom Thief again. 

To be fair, the only reason you'd stopped at the merch stand was because the thought of that asshole made you want to vindictively buy more junk, never mind that you didn't need any of it. You've just picked up a little bobble-head, shaking it to see Deku's little wild haired head bounce about, when you realize that someone has stopped, too close, behind you. As soon as you glance over your shoulder, there he is, dressed in civilian clothes, smirking as he brushes his perfectly cut hair out of his face, all the better to meet your eyes. "It is you," he says, voice haughty, one eyebrow raised. The moment he spots the Deku bobble-head in your hand though, the smirk slowly morphs into a sneer. "You fans really are hopeless. Supporting someone so- Are, are you even listening to me?" You are, sort of, but you're too busy scanning the area for cameras or reporters to reply. Granted, you'd noticed that he wasn't in costume, but you don't trust this guy in the slightest. There has to be more to him stopping than just harassing someone for their choice in hero memorabilia. It can't be good publicity, being so rude, but what do you know? You can't spot anyone, but Phantom Thief is stepping back into your line of vision. "Hello?" He demands. "No cameras today?" You ask, turning to put the Deku bobble-head back on the merch stand. When you turn back to face him, he's staring at you with wide eyes, lips parted in confusion. "No?" But the way he says it is too much like a question for you to be comfortable. You sigh, step around him, and start down the street. You don't make it far, though you'd hoped he'd take the hint. The sudden cacophony of footsteps says he's jogging to catch up, probably scuffing his loafers on the pavement. "It's rude to ignore someone, you know. I was trying to-" "Rude?" You repeat, halting and feeling the heat of anger straighten your spine. He passes by you and nearly stumbles, hurriedly turning back to face you. "You know nothing about me! You picked me out of a crowd to try and goad me into arguing with you about hero merchandise in front of a live newscaster. I don't care if it's some media stunt, trying to play up animosity between you and Deku or something, but  why on earth would I want to engage in that nonsense?" "You thought that-" He starts, eyebrows raising, but you still want no part of this. You interrupt him, stepping into his personal space to poke him solidly in the chest. "I don't know what you have against the guy, if this is about ranking or you genuinely hate him - whatever." He takes a step back, but now he's looking over your shoulder, expression turning blank, and then almost serious, very clearly ignoring your presence. "But what kind of hero singles someone out to- And you accused me of not listening?" You scoff, ready to leave him there on the street. Getting into an argument with the guy isn't helping you, and you don't want to be an outlet for his anger either. Before you can walk away though, he's muttering something underneath his breath. "-isn't that wonderful?" You catch, before the honking starts. It's continuous, someone laying on their horn, a loud voice whooping and hollering - and then you hear the screams. Phantom Thief doesn't give you time to turn and look. He grabs you, hands around your biceps, and then hooks his foot around your ankle, pulling you into a rolling fall. It's simply a mess of noise and movement after that. You land on top of him in front of an open convenience store door, and before you can get your bearings, he's rolled the both of you into the shop, just in time for a truck to come barreling down the sidewalk. It takes out a trash can and a shop sign, knocking them willy-nilly about the street, and then speeds on by, followed quickly by a green blur. There's silence, for all of two seconds, before you realize that Phantom Thief is on top of you. His legs are bracketing your thighs, one of his hands is on the back of your neck, ostensibly to keep your head from being jarred, and he's smiling. You can't help yourself. You sound indignant, almost shrill, but what the actual fuck?? "Why on earth do you look so pleased with yourself?! We almost died!" "We didn't," he says instead, a smirk tugging at his lips. The excited look in those infuriating blue eyes of his has you clenching your teeth, though the way he's still pressed against you has you tempted to turn your face away. This entire time, you'd felt like something was off about him, but this feels almost... charged, in a way. You realize, after a moment, that your ears feel hot. Is it because- no. It's just that he hasn't moved. "Off," you growl at him, tensing when, instead of just getting up and leaving, he pulls you up with him. He's still too god damn close, but he doesn't react when you take a pointed step back. "Precious Deku didn't save you, did he?" He asks, still smirking, his cheeks just the slightest bit pink. "I did." This. This is getting ridiculous. You're about to lay into him, you're shaking, with adrenaline, with rage- and then his phone rings. He answers it speedily, half turning from you as he mutters quietly into the device, and then sighs as he hangs up a few seconds later. "It's such a shame. But it looks like my expertise is required elsewhere." He pats at his ridiculously pressed polo shirt, still immaculate despite rolling the both of you around on the ground, and pulls out a small pen. He doesn't ask, just grabs your hand and starts writing, talking all the while. "I'm Monoma Neito, out of costume, and all I was trying to say the other day is that I think you'd look wonderful if only you weren't wearing that travesty of a shirt. By all means, support Deku, he.. works, doesn't he? But I would be happy if-" His phone rings again, and now Monoma is rolling his eyes. He caps his fancy little pen and squeezes your hand. "Work never stops, does it? Regardless, I'll be waiting." Monoma Neito, Phantom Thief, whatever, he has the audacity to wink at you as he strolls out the doors, but it isn't until a lanky store cashier stops next to you that you really realize this entire encounter was him trying to... flirt? "Sure is smooth, isn't he?" The cashier asks, smiling at you lopsidedly. When you stare at him blankly for a moment, the cashier motions to your hand. Written, in fairly nice penmanship, for someone scribbling on skin, is: Monoma Neito, drinks this evening at 6 As well as his phone number and... You're pretty sure he drew a pair of Tuxedo Mask goggles. --- There are a million things wrong with this entire ordeal. Monoma obviously has some kind of complex, and regardless of his intentions, good or bad, he still comes off as rude and uncaring of others feelings. He's insulted you in front of a crowd, and face to face in front of the merch stand. Okay, so he'd saved your life, sure, but he didn't ask if you were single, or even if you were interested in dating someone. He's full of himself, and agreeing to go out isn't a smart idea. You know this. He's not exactly unattractive, though, and you've definitely... noticed. That rush of warmth, ears and neck growing hot, yeah. He'd pushed a few good buttons. Except you can't just forget about everything else he's done, and you really don't want to give him any kind of upper hand. Are you really going to do this? It's 4PM when you open your text messages, type in his number, and then stare at the cursor. I have plans this evening, you start. You don't, but he doesn't know that. He doesn't even know your name. Maybe he's just calling you 'That cute one in the Deku shirt', and if he has a complex about the guy, you can.. Sort of see why he'd be such an ass. Whatever. I have plans this evening, and I'm not getting drinks with anyone who doesn't have basic manners. I'll give you a chance next Thursday, over coffee. There. That sounds reasonable and gives you the moral high ground, right? Before you can chicken out and maybe just replace it all with a 'flipping off' emoji, you hit send. My treat, comes in a text before you can even set your phone down. I'll admit I haven't been as civilized as this kind of interaction calls for, but I assure you, my manners are immaculate. You'll see. Time will tell, you fire back. I haven't exactly been impressed. And yet, I still have your attention. It's just my hair, isn't it? You stare at the text for a bit, wondering if you should keep up the conversation or not. Before you can decide, he's texted you again. Ah, no response. Not the hair then. Maybe you're just looking forward to giving me a piece of your mind? You don't exactly make it difficult to want that, you know. Shit. You guess.. You are going to talk to him. For a few minutes anyway. You won't forget about me, this way. You're a pro hero! Even as someone with minimal knowledge of the hero circuit, it's impossible to forget about you all when you live in the city. Maybe, but I want you to remember Me. Specifically. I remembered you. You don't even know my name. Have you just been calling me 'That Deku Fan'? Hardly. I don't want to think about his name in conjunction with a face I've admired. Tell me your name. You're a bad liar. You end up giving him your name - and way too much of your time. You've been texting on and off for the better part of the past two hours, when you think that you should stop. You're supposed to have plans, after all, and despite how infuriatingly engaging he is, you don't want to deal with questions about what exactly, you're going to do with your "busy" evening. Monoma says good evening without kicking up too much of a fuss, which, after everything you find a little odd. And then your doorbell rings. You're halfway to it before you halt, glancing down uneasily at your phone. He was an ass and he knew how to draw you into a heated discussion, but you hadn't actually thought he was stalker-ish. You're.. Not at my door, are you? You fire off, as quick as possible, before someone knocks again. I don't know where you live. Are you joking? It should be reassuring. Maybe it's a neighbor, maybe someone is trying to make a delivery to the wrong address? You've gotten the creeps though, and you clutch your phone tightly as you walk over to look through the peephole. It's.. a very short delivery woman, balancing a basket on her hip. And you feel stupid, now. "Uh, hi?" You say, unlocking and opening the door mid-way. "Hi!" She beams at you, brandishes a clipboard and says your name. "Is that you?" "Yeah, that's me. Is-" Your phone buzzes in your hand, but the delivery woman is already checking something off on her clipboard and then asking you to sign it. She hands off the basket, wrapped in cellophane, as soon as you're done signing, and then she's gone after a chipper goodbye. Your phone buzzes again, so you close the door, set the basket down and then open up the texts. Do you have uninvited guests? Are you in trouble? I'm fine, apologies. I've gotten a gift basket? The timing of the doorbell and you saying goodbye was just odd. Monoma texts you back immediately, but you're setting the phone down to pull the cellophane off the basket, and then you're laughing. It's filled to the brim with Deku merchandise, as well as a handwritten card from Deku himself, telling you that his publicist tracked you down and apologizing for your trouble and any embarrassment you might have suffered because of Phantom Thief. 'Thief is actually a very good hero, he just... Loses his head a bit when it comes to myself and a few other old schoolmates. But thanks so much for your support!' When you check your phone again, Monoma has said: Something from another admirer? and the thought of sending him a picture is very tempting. Unlike Monoma though, you're not going to let yourself act like an ass to get or keep someones attention. More like an awkward parental figure, you tell him, because, strangely, you feel like you've gotten advice about Monoma. It's what convinces you to keep the coffee date, anyway. --- Over the ensuing week and change, Monoma keeps texting you. You wish you could deny it, but he's charming, as long as old grudges aren't brought up. It's hard, at first, to reconcile this loyal-to-a-fault man with the one who'd opened his mouth and been such an absolute ass, but... He's so ridiculously honest and up front about things that you might even be starting to forgive him? Or rather, you want to, but you're withholding judgement until you see him in person again. We're still on for Thursday at 10:30AM? I won't stand you up. My reputation would never recover if you did. For some reason... That sends up alarms. You'd never stopped to question, much, whether he was really interested in you, but what if... What if he was doing this for media reputation reasons? What if the publicist for his hero agency was orchestrating this whole thing? The weight in your stomach makes you apprehensive about your decision all over again, and even re-reading the note from Deku, who obviously has more insight into Monoma's character than you do, doesn't quite assuage all of your concerns. Still, you're not one to break your word. You show up a few minutes early on Thursday, where Monoma is already waiting, staring off into the distance as he stands outside the coffee shop doors. He's dressed in an outfit similar to the last one you'd seen - chinos and loafers, but this time he's wearing a button-up. It's hard not to sigh as soon as you see him, because he's ridiculously handsome, but... he just looks so full of himself. Still, you don't spot anyone lingering around that might be paparazzi. That unsettled feeling finally stops clamoring for your attention in the back of your head. "Morning!" You call out, giving a slightly stilted wave when he looks in your direction. That smirk is back on his face as you approach him, but he meets you halfway, smoothly brandishing a small rose boutonniere towards you when the both of you stop. For a moment, all you can do is stare at it. "Do you.. do you really like Tuxedo Mask?" You ask, reaching out to accept the flower, but Monoma gently slaps your hand away. "You don't like debonair characters?" He asks, snagging the lapel of your coat. Monoma's fingers are nimble and quick as they fix the rose on, but he doesn't step away from you when he's done. "Are we going to prom?" You snort, instead of answering. He's ridiculous, but- you're here, aren't you? Monoma sighs, nose wrinkling for a moment before he finally gives you some space. "I am attempting to repair the initial impression you had of me. I realize it'll take some time, but I do enjoy these kinds of things." He takes a couple smooth steps ahead of you to get the door, the barest hint of a blush on his cheeks. No. Monoma is a romantic? You're not sure what you're about to say - perhaps something a bit biting, because you can't seem to help yourself around him, but there's a sudden commotion inside the coffee shop. Monoma tenses, eyes wide as he reaches out to save you from the sudden shower of iced coffee, but he only succeeds in getting himself in firing range as well. The both of you are left soaking, clothes and hair dripping, with a teary teenage girl standing in the doorway. The heel of her shoe had caught the rug. You're still half-way convinced that you're right about having been touched by an unlucky quirk, but now you definitely know that he isn't setting you up. He's too vain to get caught in the crossfire, just for a bump in reputation. --- You, perhaps unwisely, end up back at Monoma's place to clean up. Your clothes are in his washing machine, but the silly rose he'd brought you is sitting on his bathroom counter, sticky and smelling of coffee, even after your shower. You hadn't really had the heart to throw it away, despite it likely being a lost cause. You snag it before you leave his bathroom, wrapped in one of his ridiculously fluffy bathrobes and head into his living room. "Better?" Monoma asks, straightening up from where he's been sitting, gingerly, on the edge of his couch. You hadn't taken long, but it'd still been kind of him to let you go first. "Much. Uh, thanks, again." You walk over to the open kitchen area, carefully setting the coffee-scented rose on the counter before you turn to face him. "It's the least I could do," Monoma insists, attempting to brush some sticky hair out of his face. He grimaces, nose wrinkling, and slowly lets his hand fall back down to his side with a sigh. "Now, if you'll excuse me for a few minutes - coffee wasn't a good look for either of us." He disappears down the hall to the bathroom, leaving you to your own devices. Alone. In his house. You catch the sound of the shower starting, just a moment later, and decide to wander. His house is clean, with minimal amounts of clutter. There's a stack of cookbooks tucked carefully on a kitchen shelf that look well used, and old, but well-taken-care-of, utensils hanging from a small rack above his stove top. There's a game system in the living room that looks like it doesn't get a huge amount of use, but the pictures everywhere are most definitely intentionally placed. They are the items that are designed to catch your eye when you walk in the room. A few are most definitely years old, as Monoma is still in a school uniform in those, but the people in those pictures are still in the more recent ones as well. Heroes, you think, wryly, they have such intense bonds. Not for the first time, you wonder what the situation is with Deku, but you're still not willing to pursue it. Especially not when you have a fragile peace, of sorts, now that his intentions are clearer. Your phone, shoved hastily in the large robe pockets earlier, buzzes. Twice. The screen lights up again when you pull it out of the pocket, with text notifications from... From Monoma. They're both pictures, and for a split second, you think they might be nudes, but a towel is there, hanging precariously low on his hips. Monoma Neito, the hero Phantom Thief, is sending you shirtless selfies. In his own house. It's outlandish, and kind of pretentious, but laughter bubbles inside of you until you have to go sit down on his couch to hide your face in your hands. You hear Monoma moving between rooms, but you can't bring yourself to look up, still trying to stifle your laughter. "That funny?" Monoma asks a few moments later when he comes to a stop in front of you. Though his expression looks uncaring, there's a tense line to his shoulders that says he's worried. "It's not - they're very - very nice, but-" You breathe out, finally calming your desire to cackle. "We're in your house. You couldn't just risk walking between rooms, you had to text me shirtless pictures to make sure I saw." He cracks a small smile then, which just makes you bolder. "I mean, I do appreciate them. I won't have to rely on my faulty memory later." "Later?" Monoma presses, and all the tension is gone now. He flops down next to you, just a bit too close, the corner of his mouth curling into a smug smile. And you've scared yourself, just a little. You look away from his bright blue gaze, towards the kitchen and the careful set-up. "Do you cook?" You ask, almost cringing at the obvious subject change. Monoma doesn't seem to mind though. He lights up, and the slightly stifling atmosphere vanishes, filled with easy conversation about cooking techniques and your individual preferences, or lack-there-of. "That does remind me - we never got any coffee or food, and it's getting close to lunch. Would you like to order something here while we wait for your clothes?" Monoma isn't looking at you, more than likely to avoid putting any pressure on the decision, but the answer comes to you all too easily. "That sounds good, actually. All the food talk was making me hungry." And maybe... You're interested in spending more time with him. In seeing more of the Monoma who talks about his interests, who talks to you, without the dramatic posturing. He gets up to grab his phone from his bedroom, listing the options the both of you have to choose from, but you can't actually say you're fully listening. You rattle off a handful of choices when he asks for your order, and then you try not to stare at his pacing figure and the way his calves flex as he pivots. Monoma sits back down on the couch when he's finished, turning that smirk back your way again. For a moment, heat begins to crawl up your spine. "So, do you mind if I ask why you have such an obsession with.. Deku?" Monoma, just barely, keeps from sneering when he says the name, but it's still as good as cold water over your head. "I don't," you state, voice a little sharp. "Actually, I might ask you the same. I wore one t-shirt, and just happened to glance at a piece of memorabilia, but you're the one who is outlandishly competitive when he's mentioned." Monoma is silent. Staring. It's rather likely that he didn't expect that particular response, but seriously? You're supposed to be on a coffee date. Keyword being date! If you had any inclinations towards the hero Deku, why would you be here with someone who dislikes him so intensely? "I've done it again," Monoma finally sighs, tilting his head to rest back against the couch. "What? Stuck your foot in your mouth?" He groans, covering his face with both hands. "I sound like that idiot Bakugou, don't I?" You're assuming he's talking about another hero, but you have no idea which. "Who?" Monoma sits up, turning to face you fully and carefully reaches out to take hold of one of your hands. You're tempted to jerk out of his grip, but he's obviously recognized how rude the question came across as, so you wait, eyes narrowed. "I am competitive. In high school it was over things out of everyone's control, but - I felt like my friends and I were being slighted. Continually. We were looked over, and I was jealous. It's not an excuse," he hurries to add. "I'm prone to it, where my old schoolmates are concerned, even though it's..." "Been years since then? I've noticed." You sigh, looking down at where he's cradling your hand, one of his thumbs nervously stroking over your knuckles. "I... I like you, Monoma. Yeah, your first impression left a lot to be desired, but you've been open with me, otherwise. I get that you have a hang up about Deku - but I don't know him. I own exactly one shirt because I thought the green lightning looked trendy and it was easy to match. I like this," and you squeeze his hand. "But if you're going to explode with jealousy over this guy when we've only known each other for just over two weeks-" Monoma is nodding his head, repeatedly. "Thank you," he says, shoulders slightly slumped, "for being so candid with me. This is something I need to work on, but if it's too much, please, you don't owe m-" "No," you interrupt. "No, I don't owe you. But I think you owe me lunch, at the very least." He looks up to see the smile on your lips and the awkward tension finally eases. "At least?" He prompts, smiling, for real, this time. "Another shirtless selfie, maybe." You look away from him now, feeling shy for saying something so flirty. Monoma hmm's, and the softness of it brings back the heat that he'd inadvertently smothered earlier. "Towel optional?' He goads you, and you turn your head, eyes flicking down to his lap before you realize how obvious your peek was. "Just say the word," Monoma suggests, and then he's lifting your hand to kiss against your wrist. Shit. How is it that something so soft can make you so sensitive to touch? You hope your jumping pulse isn't evident, but you're fairly sure hiding your reaction is a lost cause. There's a pink tinge visible on Monoma's neck, and part of you wants to make a joke about being 'hot under the collar' and how it seems to literally apply to him. Would that be pushing things? "What word?" You ask instead, and you want to get closer. You wonder how it would feel if his hands slid up your arm to tug you into his lap. Monoma is quiet, eyes dipping down to trace over your skin - is he mapping out where to place his lips? "Tuxedo," he says slyly, finally lifting his heavy lidded eyes to watch your expression. It's almost a challenge then, the way he says it, his fingertips pressing into your wrist - as if he expects to feel the heavy thrum of your pulse. The smart thing to do would be to tell him you'd keep that in mind. To pull your wrist from his warm hands and talk about safer subjects. But you can't exactly back down from that, can you? You turn your body to face him, careful not to break his hold, and lean forward. "Tuxedo," you whisper back, like it's a secret, and relish in the way his fingers spasm around their hold on you. Slowly, as if giving you time to change your mind, Monoma let's go of you wrist and stands, moving his hands to his buttoned up shirt and popping open the first button. When you don't move, not even to bat an eyelash, he's a bit more steady, fingers moving rhythmically over the buttons until he's shrugging the shirt off of his shoulders and tossing it, carelessly, over the back of the couch. "Do I need a special word for stop?" You ask, nearly breathless when Monoma's fingers slow on the button of his chinos. "I believe that stop itself will work just fine." Monoma seems to think better of unbuttoning his pants. He kneels, palms resting on your robe covered knees for balance. "Do you.. Do you want to stop?" For all that you probably should, you definitely don't want to. You shift forward, lifting your hands to cradle his face, a thumb stroking over his cheekbone. "I don't want to stop," you confess, and then Monoma is leaning forward to meet you. The first kiss is soft, not hesitant, but testing angles, just a brush of lips. The second is more firm, and then it's thrilling as his hands slide up your thighs, pushing back the robe. Your lips part on a breath, and then his tongue is curling against yours, and he's making soft, heady noises against your mouth. It isn't long before you're both tangled together on the floor, Monoma pressed hard and aching between your legs. You must be a sight, disheveled hair and robe parted, just enough for one of his hands to slip between you, fingertips dragging against your hip- and then the doorbell rings. The both of you simply stare at each other for a moment, drunk on kisses and the warmth of skin, before Monoma's expression clears and he's cursing beneath his breath. Instead of jumping to his feet, he plants a wet, messy kiss on your lips, seemingly content to stay where he is, until the doorbell rings again. "Our lunch," he says with a sigh, finally pushing himself up and away from you. Monoma stands, clears his throat and then rolls his shoulders before he strides to the door. He only has it opened a crack, just enough to converse with the delivery person on the other side - and probably to keep them from seeing you spread out on the floor. You... Should probably get up. Slowly, so as not to startle him, you stand and set yourself to rights, or, as much as you can. Your ears feel like they're burning, but there is no reason, none, to be embarrassed.  The exchange is polite, but short, before Monoma is closing the door and turning towards the kitchen, two containers held in his hands. He sets them down, his bare back to you, and pauses. Nervousness runs through you for a moment like wildfire. His back is tensing - maybe he's- but then Monoma is turning around, eyes darting to where you'd been laying, and he deflates. "Ah," he says, blinking awkwardly down at the carpet. "Hungry?" He offers, finally lifting his gaze to your face, a delightful pink blush spreading across his chest and along his cheeks. There are.. too many ways to respond to that. You are hungry, of course, because breakfast was a long while ago. You're also hungry for more of Monoma, but that sounds kind of cheesy. Your heart is still beating too wildly to think of something appropriately teasing. So when you end up blurting: "I never said stop," you're both mortified because why, but also thankful that it wasn't the hungry for you comment. The look in Monoma's eyes tells you that it just so happened to be the perfect choice. Frankly, the food is forgotten as soon as he crosses the room. Your hands are in his hair, his mouth is back on your neck, and you're both back on the floor, tugging impatiently at each others clothing. You've unzipped and half pushed Monoma's chinos down before he realizes the knot of the robe tie has spun to your back, and then he's turning you and pushing you onto your hands and knees as he plucks frustratedly at the tie. You're tempted to tell him to give up, but when he presses forward, his dick against your ass, you decide not to bother. You shudder and then Monoma is making a noise of triumph, tugging hurriedly at the robe until it's in his hand and he's tossing it somewhere else in the room. He ruts up against you, groaning and then his forehead thunks down on your spine. "Monoma?" You ask, voice shaking, because you want this, damn it and he's so close but he's not doing anything. "Just- just a second, I promise," he says and then he's up and rushing back into his bedroom. The loss of him against you, the loss of heat, has you aching, goose-flesh rippling over your skin, but Monoma is quick. You barely spy the bottle of lube in his hands before he's kneeling behind you again, hand pressing between your shoulder blades until you're able to rest your cheek against your arms. He sighs, happily, as his hand strokes over your ass-cheek, and then pulls away. You shift, impatient again, but when Monoma's hand returns, it's cool and slick and rubbing over the sensitive parts of you and then everything just feels good. One of his hands is curled around your hip, while the other just sounds obscene, fingers curling and tugging and slipping inside you. "Monoma," you gasp against your arms, pushing your hips back, wishing he'd hurry. "Please," you try, spreading your legs a little wider, and that makes Monoma's breath hitch. "Please, what?" He asks, but his voice is strained and you know, even without looking at his face, that he'll give in to whatever you ask of him. "Please, fuck me. I want your dick, I want to- fuck!" You're not embarrassed to say that you'd shrieked, just a little, when he'd thrust into you. It was a shallow thrust, but sudden, and you'd been fucking aching for so long that the stretch of him has you gasping. You shift your arms and then you're moaning against the carpet as Monoma rolls his hips. There isn't any speech between the two of you while you find a rhythm, but when Monoma leans forward, hand slippery and slick as he tries to grasp the back of you neck, he starts to babble. "You feel- fuck, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. Not since- not since I saw you in that stupid shirt - the look you gave me. And then-" His hips are slapping against your ass, his fingers gripping almost too-tight on your hip. "And then in that store, feeling you underneath me- knew­ you'd feel good. Knew how fucking good you'd feel, spread open and messy for me." "Monoma, Monoma you're going to make me-" "Yes," he gasps and then he's adjusting one of his legs, and the angle changes and he's let go of your hip to reach around, hand between your thighs and everything goes hazy. He's still pumping into you, hand moving against you and everything feels so fucking good it hurts. He's cursing then, losing his hold on the back of your neck and then he's saying your name, over and over as he tenses and then stills, voice gone quiet. The both of you stay where you are for a moment, breathing heavy, until he finally pulls out of you and almost collapses against the floor. Your thighs and knees are aching as you stretch out, but he's smiling and then you're smiling, and - his stomach is growling. "Hungry?" You ask, between stifled bouts of laughter, but Monoma's dopey expression doesn't change much. "Want to get dinner with me?" Monoma asks, when you've finally quieted down. "Dinner? Monoma, we haven't had lunch yet." But... You're rather tempted to say yes. He's charming, and engaging - even when he's being rude - and he is a very good lay. "Hm. Alright. Dinner sounds good." "Really?" And he sounds surprised. He's... He's kind of a dork. "After lunch," you clarify. "And maybe after another example of your prowess, but in your bed, if you don't mind." Monoma doesn't mind, and he is more than willing to show you. Enthusiastically.

[kidchameleon92]

“life story” 1

i’m not going to edit this at all going along. typos, bad grammar, mistakes. doesn’t matter. this is spontaneous thought.

disclaimer: i changed the word to “spontaneous” from “spurious” which means something completely different, so the first paragraph is already a lie.

anyway, it’s been a really weird and sort of bad couple months for me. mostly in my state of mind. i feel very stuck and very immobile when it comes to my art and career. and that is having a very negative effect on my brain. even though i’m putting out my favorite songs i’ve ever written. i’ve been meaning to write for awhile. i used to post when i lived in los angeles several years ago, just journaling my day to day life. but i haven’t for awhile. i guess i also used to write in a notebook while on different tours. but i think i’ve since thrown that away or hidden it somewhere.

point is: i just want to write to get things off my mind. and hopefully, maybe, it’ll help you (if you care to) get to know me a little more and on a more personal level. even if we haven’t met. and maybe it’ll make what i make (if you care about it) mean more to you. either way, mostly, i just want to rant a bit. so, this is my life’s story. i guess.

chapter 1: kid

i was born in a suburb of the twin cities in minnesota. my parents both grew up in minnesota and lived there their whole lives (until my mom recently moved to tennessee). my mom was a mortician, and my dad was an accountant. also an alcoholic. he cheated on her and left her and i when i was one year old. i remember growing up going to stay with him on weekends, except it was with him and his girlfriend at the time. except he was drunk a lot. and would drive drunk with me (a baby) in the car. so, that’s cool. anyway, my mom was really depressed, and that was not a good time (or so i’ve heard, because i was a baby, so idk).

i stayed with my grandparents a lot, because my mom worked full time. my maternal grandparents lived on a ton of land. my grandpa and i would ride motorcycles and four wheelers and sleep in a treehouse and all that. my other grandparents lived in the same town but in a small house. i used to go up to their cabin during the summer and go fishing and swimming and boating and all that. different g-parent vibes, but loved both a lot.

anyway, when i was three, my mom married my step-dad. he is from india and has had a lot of unique and challenging experiences, so that certainly brought a lot of particular lessons and outlooks into my life. i went there once when i was about 14. it was wild. but so, yeah. that kinda solidified my family unit. my dad got remarried later on as well. but the older i got, i saw him less and less.

so ... i loved video games. i played them all the time. a big part of my childhood. mostly nintendo. explains a lot. as a kid in school (4 years public, 3 years private, 1 year home, 3 years private, 1 year PSEO [look it up]), i was never popular whatsoever. i always wanted to gain some sort of acclaim or attention from my classmates, but was pretty much always looked down on for one reason or another. i remember in elementary school, i was the kid who was literally terrified of storms. probably because i had been in a tornado when i was six. but the moment it would thunder, all the kids would look at me to see if i was gonna cry. usually, i did. and the school nurse would take me outside and we’d walk around as a sort of therapy. i guess it helped sorta. i still get nervous in storms. but i don’t cry.

i also remember a time specifically that i got made fun of for wearing a denver broncos t-shirt. this kid just railed on me because it wasn’t a minnesota vikings shirt. so, one: i don’t even give a fuck about sports. but two: it stuck with me for some reason that someone would be a massive jerk over a t-shirt of a sports team. i guess that’s just because we as humans are messed up things.

anyway, in middle school, i started becoming semi-interested in music. i listened to the radio every night, listening to the top 10 countdown of big songs from that week. kanye, weezer, the click five, black eyes peas, green day. those were some anyway. besides that, i was just listening to like kelly clarkson and relient k or something. my mom had a steven curtis chapman cd in her van i thought went hard. but i started getting into popular music around then. i also started to write my own music. i used to take piano lessons from when i was like six or seven until i was 14 or so. but after i started writing my own songs, i hated practicing assigned pieces. i didn’t care. i wanted to play my own. so, the teacher said if i quit, i couldn’t be her student again. so i did. that’s fine. she said i was her most talented student. but i didn’t work that hard. so, that goes to show that natural talent and hard work have different roles, i suppose. 

chapter 2: girls and high school and such

in high school, i started LiKiNg gIrLs and stuff. i also was still not very popular. i also had started a band (with jack). i wasn’t very good, but i was just as obsessed with it as i am now. anyway, i liked this one girl from my church, and we talked all the time. but because we grew up in a pretty fundamental church culture, we weren’t allowed to date. which honestly, i fine, because looking back, no one knows what they are doing at 16 really. i definitely didn’t. i still don’t know what i’m doing. anyway ...

so, this girl and i half-dated for a couple years, and i was really clingy and annoying. but that’s just how i be. and i thought i was gonna marry her and stuff, because in a fundamental church context, you over spiritualize everything.

[[disclaimer: i am a christian, and i still go to church, but my theology and ideology on a lot of things has just evolved and changed a lot since i was young and since leaving the ultra-americanized/ultra-fundamental “christian” realm. main point being: we all are effed up bro and need saving. i’m an idiot always!]]

but now we’re back. girl “dumped” me and started dating another guy named “patrick” right after, even though she technically wasn’t allowed to date until she was 18. but apparently, she just wasn’t allowed to date me. so, that was cool. anyway, i was angsty, but then i got over it. because i was 17, so life big time goes on.

then i met another girl from canada while i was finishing school and going hard at my band stuff. we hit it off, and i started visiting her up there. and she visited me and all that. it was cool. and then all of a sudden, she really started hating me. and to be fair, i was weird and clingy and sort of a lot to deal with. but we kept dating. all the while, i was sort of leaving behind music to try to get into nursing school. yep, nursing school. but i got rejected, which is great. and so, i decided to go to audio engineering school in canada. and she was gonna go to college in the same city. this is great! so i thought. she dumped me (well, i sort of broke up with myself for her) about a month after we were living in the same city. wack. but it made me buckle down and work my ass off in school. i was top of my class one semester. yeah, i’m not that dumb. sometimes.

towards the spring of the next year, i happened to meet a girl who was at my church with one of my friends. she seemed chill. just talked a little. nothing crazy. happened to hit her up on twitter just to say hi. no intention. we talked a bit. nothing after that. then all of a sudden, a couple months later, i was tweeting about reading harry potter for the first time (note: fundamental upbringing). she happened to tweet me back about it. and long story short, we went out on a date. a sort-of-date. and what was supposed to be a lunch turned into an all day and half the night date. anyway, we got married a year later. after a lot of immigration paperwork and expenses. that’s a whole other post. that sucked. it’s a lot. and it’s why i feel bad for people who have nothing who are trying to come here to flee danger in their own countries. again, another post.

chapter 3: married, and other hard things

so, i forgot to say that before we got married, i lived in los angeles for a year after school. i was doing more sound for film work. on set stuff, post-production. got to do work with like ... james franco, matt damon, emma roberts, william shatner. some cool stuff. but jack’s old band came through on tour, and i saw two shows. and i was like ... bruh. i gotta do music, what am i doing? so, i literally moved back to minnesota within like two weeks, worked as a nursing assistant for a little bit and got married. then moved to nashville like two weeks later. i guess i could’ve stayed in los angeles. but nashville felt like the move at the time. everything happens with a purpose.

so, we moved here, and she couldn’t work for three months because of immigration stuff. so, i was like, well, guess i need a job. so, i got a job managing a home for a couple people with intellectual disabilities. it was super hard. mostly because the company was really, really bad. so, i got another job working as a staffing coordinator in an office for a home health care agency. that was a little better. still tough. but less overwhelming. a couple months after i got that job, i got an offer to go on a country tour playing bass for someone. and i was like ... well, this is why i moved here. so, i quit and went on tour. and shawna actually took my old job. interesting.

i was gone for three weeks, and it sucked and the pay was bad, but at least i was doing what i wanted. but then i got an offer from my friend to do some tech work on a much bigger country gig. i hadn’t done it before, but it was better pay and a better position. and on a bus and nice things and all that. so, i went for it. i pissed the other girl i was playing for off. but that’s show biz, baby. but like, i found a replacement for myself and paid to fly him out to her shows and stuff. so, really she won.

anyway, i toured with this other artist for four years. and i learned a lot. it was very, very challenging, both mentally and physically. and some people are just hard to work with. but i still gained so much valuable experience and insight into touring from that. i also started playing guitar for another artist who was small at the time, but has now had a couple number one hits. but his label fired me because i didn’t look country enough. we’re still homies though, so it’s literally fine. because i do indeed not look country enough.

at the same time, i was doing my own solo music and also producing and writing with and for other people. i’ve had the opportunity to write and produce for everything from independent artists to major label to billboard charting albums to whatever. songs on major television networks. i’m still very un-rich though, if that tells you anything. 

but really, i just wanted to do my own music. and i literally couldn’t get it to go anywhere. i had no idea what the “secret” was. what was i missing? money? connection? power? actually probably all of that, to be honest. this industry is wacko. i was pretty close to giving up.

chapter 4: milkk

i read a satirical article on vice.com about “how to start a trendy band” or something. i thought it was funny. so, i called jack. he had just been kicked out of his old band for no reason. i was like, “bruh, let’s do this article.” and he was like, ok. so, we sort of did. and i’m not gonna go into all the early details, because i’ve done a million press interviews about how our band started. and i don’t wanna say it again. google it.

this was the first time that i actually saw people care about my music. it was a high. it was like a dream. and we hadn’t even had any big song or anything. just the fact that people were listening and engaging was mind blowing to me. but just like with anything, the more things went, the less i found satisfying. the more “likes” or “follows” on socials didn’t feel like enough anymore. the streams didn’t seem good enough. the chart positions on the debut album didn’t seem that great. the hype wore off a little after the debut album hype. and that made me insane. probably because we as humans are not built to be satisfied by the things in our life. “Vanity of vanities!” it’s in ecclesiastes. like the bible one.

chapter 5: now

anyway, that’s bad. i had (and have) let my mind convince me that i have to achieve something in order to be happy or fulfilled, when i know that that stuff will never fulfill me. i could play the biggest stadium and have the biggest song in history, but after a burst of dopamine and excitement, it would be empty. and i know that nothing here will do that. at least, that’s what i believe. my hope is outside of myself.

but that’s hard to internalize when you are so passionate about something, and have been for so long, and all you want to do is create things for other people that they can appreciate and be influenced by. but it’s probably also selfish. like i openly admit i like the idea of fame and presence. and it probably ties all the way back to wanting acknowledgement and attention as a kid, from being unpopular and ridiculed and, honestly, left by my dad. maybe i just therapied myself.

but regardless, i know i can’t put my identity in all this stuff. it’s hard, and it’s harder when you create stuff. because it’s so deeply tied to you. but it’s still not “who i am.” i know who i am and what i believe, but i’m still a mess, so i can’t enact that in my brain perfectly. in fact, far from it.

anyway. it’s late, and i’m going to post this and attempt to not worry about how it does on social media. stupid!!! i just want this out in the world for you to read. hopefully it’s helpful for you in some way. but mostly, it was just cool to write this out, for my own sake.

i’ve been blessed in some amazing ways. my family. oh, yeah i forgot that i have two kids. i love them a lot. i don’t talk about them on social media much. but they are very special to me. and we’ve always been taken care of, even when times were tight or i didn’t know when the next paycheck was coming in or i thought my wife was about to die or whatever. the Lord provided for us every time. and i am grateful to have what career i have. it may be “small” and nothing to look at by the big industry standards, but i believe in what i make so much, and i’m just grateful that anyone cares about it at all. and i will continue to do so until the day i die. because i have to. 

it’s what i was born to do, for better or worse. and no one can tell me otherwise.