#ninth it is important to me that you know that bc this is right after we talked about ems shears and I think that will make you laugh

[chairofchaos]

@ninthcircleofprythian read the tags <3 Chaos from like 3 weeks ago

My therapist: you need to trust yourself

[lunchtimebedamned1997]

Harrow the Ninth real-time reading thoughts + GTN character concept doodles (pt. 1)

| Here | Part two |

Please no spoilers for chapters after #6! (or for book 3... obviously)

Someone on my Gideon concept art post (I've since checked, it was @samgemrus) said they'd like to hear more of my thoughts as I read HTN, so I thought I'd indulge, since I do love a good yap XD

Let's start with the book one stuff! Art! Wanted to draw Palemedes and Camilla next bc they're my babies I adore them!!! (Speedpaint under the cut!)

I don't know why I imagine some characters the way I do but here we are, Cam with the wrong hair and Sextus with what is probably (?) too pretty of a face. I tend to imagine characters I like the personality of to be more personally aesthetically pleasing lmao I do not remember if this man's attractiveness was described or not the main character is so gay and i'm bi so idk... I guess everyone gets to be pretty XD

(Also you might peep the note in the upper left, I'll put the spoilers I got while finishing up the art at the very bottom of the post so that you can avoid them if you wish to!!)

Alright, that's book one housekeeping, let's move on to book two! thoughts and rambles and theories abound from the beginning-chapter six!

Okay! So! The second-person perspective! I still don't like it! But my discomfort with the format aids the story well, and it's been interesting to have dreams of Harrow's being written in third person along the lines of the previous book. I find that it gives off the sense that Harrow only feels moored (even by falsehoods) when she is removed from the truth of her current reality. By using the pronoun 'you' to guide the bulk of the story thus far, it leads the reader to be faced directly with Harrow's discomfort, confusion, and aching wrongness. We are the voice deep inside of her that is screaming for things to be righted and to make different choices as she fumbles along without hearing us at all.

Never would I have guessed in my journey though the GTN that Ianthe Tridentarius was going to be in any way largely important. Let alone that we'd have to spend so much time with that miserable woman.

I imagine that Harrow's false memories/delusions, that her 'forgetfulness' around and about Gideon, is for her own sanity; and perhaps is even an attempt to stop them from merging completely into Lyctor. Some play by Harrow as we once knew her, to try and save Gideon or herself - or them both.

God is weird.

God is... hm. I - he's unsettled me to be honest, but perhaps I'm just scarred by the Dumbledore-type. The ones that seem kindly and wise in their age and appearance of relative normalcy (/averageness). I can't help but feel as though he is somehow secretly very awful. The creation of his power - the way the galaxy died and these monsters were created... surely he must have been some kind of desperate as a mortal man. A man from our time. Wouldn't he be? A man who was... what? Grappling for power? To try and save anything he could? To save someone he loved? To stop someone... he loved? There is the locked tomb to consider. Since we discovered the process of becoming a Lyctor, I couldn't help but suspect, that with sword in hand, that perhaps this girl in the ice is not a lyctor but a Cavalier?

I'm not entirely sure of my reason for thinking that. Some sort of gut sense. 'God' seemed to know exactly what would happen to Harrow if he separated (or attempted to separate) Gideon and Harrow's now-entwined souls. Maybe he'd done it to himself? Maybe the reason he'd be unable to stop her if she reawakened would be because then they would be truly separate and broken? Like - perhaps he's still siphoning from her even now?

Maybe - maybe she's just a body. Maybe her soul is still entwined with his (if I'm even right that those two are connected in this way) and if you were to awaken the body... perhaps it would rend God apart in some unfixable way? Re-seperate the souls? Reverse whatever process granted him his power...

And why does he have more power than a Lyctor? Was he man to begin with at all? Or something else that gave up godhood and then returned to it? I'm excited and terrified to know.

We still no nothing of this other, more ancient Gideon. The one mentioned on the scrap of flimsy in GTN, the one Gideon's mother's body screamed out endlessly upon being called back from the dead.

For a while I thought Gideon must surely be our Gideon's fath- oh - ohhh my GOD is - is 'God' Gideon's father?! Is 'God' that ancient Gideon?! Because - oh fuck - because Gideon - our Gideon, she didn't die from the poison that brought fourth the power for Harrow's conception. Gideon didn't die when Harrow siphioned her for the trial with the box! Didn't someone expressly mention in book one that it seemed impossible that Gideon was alright - Camilla, wasn't it? That Gideon wasn't just alright, but that apart from being tired (and traumatized af lmao) she was completely healthy?!

God also chasitised Mercy for not wanting to share her name with her new sisters (also, I'm assuming 'sister is a religeous endearment like nuns or smth, but if not, marked that as - you know, no. either way mark that down as I'm uncomfy XD) and yet, we don't get to know his name. Most people wouldn't think to ask the name of 'God' would they. A man of a thousand epithets - but surely he has some 'true name' as he phrased it before, right?

Holy fucking fuck. Am I on the right track?! DON'T ANSWER THAT XD

I still don't know how (our) Gideon's mother would have made it to the here-and-now, or... unless she wasn't old? Unless she wasn't from then... Maybe she just worked closely with them on the ship? The ship... the ship he (god) feels sorrowful to leave as if it holds some kind of significant memory? Fuck there's so many loose ends, and I've probably tangled all the wrong threads but... holy fuck, that would be interesting wouldn't it?

Also Mercy is deeply annoying so far XD

Here's the Pam and Cam speedpaint to finish this very long red-string post up XD (Also don't ask how I'm drawing so many concepts this fast bc idk - it's probably the neurodivergencies and the fact that they're sketches lmao)

I wanted to give Cam scars, but I have a feeling girly is about to go through a LOT more bs and I wanna wait until I know more of what she's been through before I decide what scars to give her :3

THE SPOILERS (?) I GOT:

Apparently, Gideon's father's name is John (boring) and Cam gets murdered?! (SAD!!!!) I think I got other ones as well, but IDK if it's just small details I missed/forgot from book one or if some resurrection shenanigans are gonna happen with a couple people from the book one cast??? (Particularly Sextus??? Probably not tho lmao)

[princess-of-inarizaki]

hello ! if ur requests are currently open, can i get headcanons / scenario of inarizakis manager having a celeb crush (like finn wolfhard, louis partridge ALSO if u can, can u please make the celeb crush louis patridge ? im kinda desperate for sum louis x reader scenarios lawl) and they let them simp for him cuz it's just a crush right ? right, what they don't know is that manager-chan has made some attempts for him (their celeb crush) to notice them and they have successfully made him notice them bc manager chan is such a charm, so what will be their reactions if they see manager chan holding hands with the celeb crush that they didn't worry ab ? thank u in advance if u do it ! but it's fine if ur requests aren't open,, i just didn't see any posts ab ur requests being closed hehe also sorry if i did this wrong 😭 this is my first time requesting sumthn 😭😭

Louis Patridge x Inarizaki manager

Oh my goshhh hi bb. I'm so glad I was your first :D (yes, initially, requests were closed, unfortunately) but this was literally such a good one, I couldn't resist writing it. (I'm in love with Louis Patridge too, bubs)

Also, just a tip (if you're gonna request on anon, make sure you follow me, or have my profile saved because tumblr doesn't give you a notification when I've answered you 🥺🥺)

🦋; Inarizaki manager (reader) x Louis Patridge (celeb crush) x Inarizaki vbc ,, triggers: none!!

“Guys. DID YOU WATCH ENOLA HOLMES?” your breathless face was red due to fact that you've ran a long way, obviously to tell them this.

Atsumu and Osamu nodded in unison, “Yea, that Millie Bobbi Brown chick acted prett' well”

Suna rolled his eyes. “Hated it. Only watched it for Superman, though.”

Kita shrugged, walked up to you, and shook his head as he smoothed your hair down (the stray curls obviously came undone as you were running). “I don't watch fictious movies, y/n-san. Was it good?”

Eyes sparkling, you nodded. “It was more than good. Besides, that actor, Louis Patridge? The guy who plays Lord Tewkesbury? I think I'm in love with him.” a dream-like look glazed over your eyes as you stared at your phone wallpaper wistfully.

Suddenly, the bell rang, jolting you back to reality. “Oh that's right, I need to go to class now.”, and with that, you left six very stunned boys in the gym.

“I wonder what'll be of her crush on that' actor?” asked Atsumu with a smirk. Don't be fooled though, behind the easygoing exterior, he was the most concerned of the lot (and the most jealous).

“Yer' overthinking it. They live oceans apart, and he plays movies on the big screen.” drawled Osamu.

“Yeah, I'm sure one of us still has more chance with her than him, she's actually met us, after all.” chirped Akagi, with a positive note. He was determined to win you over, and a celeb crush didn't deter him in any way.

Suna nodded, whilst Kita and Aran exchanged looks. “It's important to be supportive of her though. Albeit it being merely a schoolgirl crush, this could mean a lot to her.” said Kita, and his tone invited no further disagreement.

Back at home that evening, thoughts of the handsome brown haired boy could not leave your mind, and you logged onto Instagram, hoping to see if he had posted any updates.

He had, and it was a selfie of himself, with his tousled hair in all its "I-just-got-out-of-bed" glory. Damn, this man was sexy.

Smiling, you typed out a comment. “No offense, but if being adorable was a crime, you'd have fine written all over you ˃ᴗ˂ ”. Yes, it was dorky, and cheesy all in one. But why not? He might not ever read it anyways, as your comment got swept underneath the hundreds of others that came after it.

Sighing, you settled down to study, with thoughts about the comment and Louis pushed out of your mind.

Meanwhile, as Louis scrolled through his comments, a single one caught his eye. She used a pickup line (how adorable) which caused his cheeks to redden. Tentatively, he surveyed her profile, before feeling the familiar sensation of having a crush, wash over him.

She was gorgeous, and although he knew he shouldn't stalk random pretty girls over the internet, he couldn't help himself. Her pictures showed her to be the manager of a club of some sort, and she was almost always posing with a teammate. A male, teammate.

But damn, that smile. Even if he felt a small pit of unfounded jealousy at the guys, her smile was enough to distract him from anything.

His fingers hovered over the "follow back" button, before he finally gave in to temptation by following her, commenting, and putting his phone away quickly, suddenly feeling like a schoolboy all over again.

That morning, before school, you could barely believe the notifications waiting for you on your phone.

"louispatridge_ is following you"

"louispatridge_ commented: nah, if anyone's fine, it's gotta be you ˃ᴗ˂ "

Of course, after having seven mini panic attacks, and fawning over him, you set out to tell your boys at the volleyball club the good news.

And all you could think about on the way there was how Louis Patridge somehow noticed you. It was unbelievable, and somehow turned your insides to jelly.

As soon as you reached the gym, you flung yourself on Atsumu, engulfing him in a hug. “Guys I'm so happy” you managed to choke out.

Atsumu obviously enjoyed holding you, and he gently wrapped his arms around you to feel your heart beating quickly

“To what do we owe the pleasure of seeing you this early, y/n?” joked Aran.

Wordlessly, you dug into your pocket and pulled out your phone. “He thinks I'm fine. Fine means hot right? I mean, I used it meaning hot. Because he is hot. And he thinks the same of me, that's gotta be good? And the emoticon. He used the same one, he's so cu—”

But you were interrupted out of your whisper-babble by the boys' shocked faces. He noticed her? This fast? “I'm so happy for you, y/n” said Akagi cheerfully, but internally he was demotivated and sad at the prospect of you dating the young star.

Suna looked at you thoughtfully and ruffled your hair. “That's my girl. She's just as amazing and capable as those girls on the silver screen.” and although it pained him to say this, he just wanted to share your happiness.

The twins were withdrawn, and Kita congratulated you, whilst obviously feeling a bit regretful for dismissing it as a "schoolgirl crush".

In general, the boys were upset, but not surprised. If you had them all collectively whipped for you, why not a movie star?

After kissing Suna's cheek and waving the rest of the boys off, you skipped all the way to homeroom, excited to share the news with your friends.

Silence followed your absence as Aran shrugged. “So are we gonna acknowledge the elephant in the room?”

Atsumu pouted and glared at them all. “Why did he have to notice her? Was it her profile picture? I've always asked her to change it, she looks way too attractive.”

Osamu nodded and jutted his bottom lip. “I mean, we think she's the most beautiful girl in the world, and apparently other guys do too.”

“Oh God make it stop” whispered Suna. “I wish she'd just stay ours. I don't mind competing with you guys, I'm obviously better, but that actor dude? No chance.”

“We'll be supportive” reaffirmed Kita. “Above all, she's out friend and we do not own her. If this makes her happy, we won't ruin it.”. Akagi and Aran were quiet.

Ever since that day, you and Louis have been slowly but steadily growing closer and falling harder for each other.

He tried his luck by texting you, and although you were shy and tentative at first, getting to know the real him was refreshing.

And you really did like him. He was intelligent, adorable, and realistic. The two of you spent your time from dusk till' dawn talking, whether on call or on text.

And no one could deny the blossoming chemistry between yourself and Louis. He was a gentleman in every way, and his honeyed words stuck in your heart, finding its way to be replayed every time you felt down.

The boys slowly saw you drifting away. And when you weren't, it was always "Louis this—" or “Louis said—” and frankly their hearts couldn't take it anymore. It was time to give up, and love you as a friend instead.

But immersed in his attention you barely even noticed.

One day, Louis called you as you were heading home after practice. “y/n! Love, guess what?”

“aw bubs, just tell me. I hate guessing. Mostly because I suck at it.”

You could hear him chuckle on the other side of the line as he softly whispered “I'm coming to Japan on the ninth!”

“Wait, Louis. Today's the ninth.”

“I know. So are you gonna come to that bubble tea place you won't shut up about, or must I come get you?”

“You're joking”

“I'm not. I've wanted to surprise you, and I swear it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Which includes getting kicked by a horse on set, but nevermind about that, y/n, I want to see you, so get your arse here.”

“Coming, Lord Tewkesbury”

“I might have a kink.”

You blushed bright red at his words. “shut up oh my gosh, I'll be there.”

Louis ended the call with a small smile on his face. He knew how easily flustered you were with him and he loved it. It was just another thing on the list of all the reasons why Louis Patridge adored you to hell and back.

The whole way to the shop, your heart was pounding. So you'd finally get to meet the guy you've been dreaming about ever since you laid eyes on him in a movie.

Ever since those late night phone calls and early morning texts made your heart race and eyes sparkle with wonder.

You were finally meeting him.

The familiar sweet smell of the tea washed over you, and a familiar face waited for you at the entrance. His brown eyes looked gorgeous in the sun and his hair was tousled exactly the way you once saw in a selfie.

Wasting no time, you ran to him, pulling him to a hug. He laughed and caught you in his arms, holding you closer as your legs wrapped around his waist. No words were exchanged, just touches. There were too many words said already.

After pulling away, he gently stroked his thumb through your features. Tucking a strand aside, ruffling your hair. His hands ached to touch you, and now, finally, he could.

“You're such a dork.” was all you could whisper, afraid speaking loudly would break the spell.

“Your dork. All yours.”

“Louis!” your voice went an octave higher as the familiar warm sensation came over your cheeks, painting them a delicate pink.

“Oh God, I've always wanted to see you blush. How can you be so adorable?? Oh God.”

You whined in protest, but frankly, you were too happy to be around him to care much at all.

Tipping your chin to face him, Louis Patridge did the one thing he dreamt of doing, ever since he stalked through your Instagram profile one fateful morning.

He kissed you.

And wouldn't you know it? You kissed him back. It was warm, comforting, and everything you thought it'd be.

Meanwhile, the boys had finished cleaning up the gym, and started heading home.

“Hey guys, do you wanna go grab some bubble tea?” asked Aran. The prospect of food, or sweet things always cheered up the boys, and after a day of particularly grueling practice, it was no surprise they agreed at once.

You however, were comfortably nestled next to Louis as you swapped stories. Your hands never left each other, though. He kept stroking your palm, just to remind himself you were here, right next to him.

“So how's the volleyball club, Mrs. manager?”

“Mrs? Do I look like I'm married?” to which Louis responded with a shrug and wink.

Coincidentally, the Inarizaki boys entered the shop at that very moment, freezing in their tracks after seeing you in a booth with Louis.

“Psst. Guys. Loverboy's here.”

“Should we say hello?”

“I might cry if they kiss” whimpered Akagi.

“We need to say hello, it's the right thing to do.” said Kita sensibly, as he walked up to the two of you. “Hello y/n-san, Louis-san.” said Kita with a slight nod.

Happily, you rose from your seat and hugged the captain, thanking him for saying hi, as you introduced him to Louis.

Soon, the other boys came around and one by one, introduced themselves as well. Honestly speaking, they were jealous. How could they possibly get over someone like you? Someone as spectacular and beautiful as you? But when they saw you face shining with radiance as you smiled at Louis, and the way his hands never left yours, they understood.

And they wanted you to be happy. That was the most important thing, above all else for the both of them.

“I love you, manager-chan.”

[runespoor7]

locked tomb ramblings

devoured gideon the ninth and harrow the ninth and i Love Everyone In This Bar

ALL OF THE SPOILERS below this line

- i’d unfortunately come across the name Ianthe a few times on tumblr, way more than any other non Gideon or Harrow name, so I knew to keep an eye out for her (in every meaning of the word, ohohoho), which spoiled the reveal about her importance a little

- knew harrow was going to be my fave at the early reveal of Baby Harrow, Age Ten, Hiding The Fact Her Parents Are Dead By Animating Their Corpses.

- that moment at the end of gtn when Corona is wailing bc Ianthe didn’t take her, and you go oh so it’s MUCH MORE incesty than merely the vibes in ianthe’s dialogue, huh

- (me, when the plot of gtn goes on and corona folds every time ianthe takes a decision: *eyes emoji*)

- the homestuck energy is off the charts, i love it. it’s so baroque and the characters are so funny and we are definitely on bad guys’ side!

- necrolord prime, please, sir, is it not enough that you are an immortal emperor with armies of necromancers deploying 15y-olds on the frontlines to keep your empire expanding? necrolord prime????? (he is awful, like the vast majority of this cast, i love him)

- OH HELLO ACT V PART 2

- the previous lyctors are ancestors, in homestuck vibes

- in homestuck vibes: bby harrow with her dead parents she moves around like puppets. that’s a lusus thing. that’s a terezi thing. (rose as a troll gets terezi things.)

- still in homestuck vibes, dearly love the fragmentary world-building and the fact that it’s all horrible (15y-olds on the frontlines!!!!), but culturally speaking it’s taken for granted. we don’t see ppl going on rants on how it’s Unhealthy or Wrong. we do get Gideon realizing it’s jarring, after all, to imagine these kids in a war! but that’s very different

- (was Cam already side-eyeing the fuck out of that. Cam and Palamedes are strong contenders for it, and Cam clearly Hides Stuff-- I presume BoE isn’t as positive as the cult of the Signless was in Homestuck, but was she already involved?)

- hi yeah the fact that 100% of the remaining Lyctors were lowkey betraying John is hilarious

- mercymorn <3 <3 <3 (i: like the shouty ones)

- bby harrow saw a woman in a box and fell in love THIS IS DEEPLY AND WEIRDLY UTENAESQUE

- john is a fantastic akio figure. his take on adulthood and what he’s peddling is very different from what akio did, but he’s the character most obviously buying into gendered roles and expectations? the way he talks about his thing with “Annabel Lee” is nothing but expected. (It’s only through what others tell us, especially Augustine, that we know there’s a lot more to it.)

- (john telling the first gideon he’d have forgiven gideon banging commander wake reads very Gender)

- the pool sceneTM

- the codependency!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- gideon checking there aren’t bones booby-trapping the place she’s waiting for her shuffle and harrow spending the night before booby-trapping it better :)

- the number of times i screamed silently about kismessitude feels (harrow’s pitch soup brings all the girls to the yard?)

- *hateshipping mercy and augustine and staring right at them, daring them to say a word*

- wish i’d been more able to focus on the first part of htn instead of going wtf wtf wt

- ianthe never met a bad decision she didn’t want to take home, i’m not even disappointed or surprised or angry, either at her or at myself. ofc she was going to side with god. (probably so she can vanquish him herself later and set herself up as goddess empress, i’m sure she thinks she can fix things better that he can) (i am extremely curious about the things ianthe sees when she screams. what does she see in the river?) (i hope she lets corona save her.)

- (IANTHE LYING TO HARROW ABOUT NOT SEEING THE CORPSE THOUGH Y I K E S. Ianthe (derogatory)!!!!!!)

- absolutely loved the dream bubbles, LOVED that characters who weren’t explored/were sidelined early got their chance here!!

- nothing could have prepared me for Ortus getting a dignity and nuanced characterization and all that in htn, and i <333333333

- there’s an entire thing about the way fiction and memory and history and reality affect one another, especially in htn - it’s a malleable thing, Harrow’s memory is malleable and Ortus’ poem recalls a version of Matthis Nonius that isn’t who the man was, but how he’s remembered. “Is this how it happens?” Abigail the historian not letting Harrow get lost in alternate facts. And that reminds us to be careful of John’s version of Alecto, of BoE’s version of the facts, but also it’s beautiful. we make stories out of things and we make myth.

[antiquitiesandlabyrinths]

Akhenaten

The name Akhenaten is rather well known as a Pharaoh of Egypt. Like Ramesses II, Hatshepsut, Cleopatra, and Tutankhamun, Akhenaten won the popularity contest of modern society through defining himself as far different from most other Pharaohs. With Akhenaten, however, he’s not even like the special Pharaohs.

Let’s look a little at his life and the history of the time period he ruled over. He was in the 18th Dynasty of the New Kingdom, from 1353-1336 BC. Like most Pharaohs there are a few different pronunciations of his name, including Akhenaton, Ikhnaton, Khuenaten, all meaning of great use to Aten, which leads into his conversion into the cult of Aten. Before the conversion his name was Amenhotep IV, son of Amenhotep III. His mother was named Tiye. Later on in life he married Queen Nefertiti, fathering two children, one from his wife Nefertiti and one from his lesser wife, Lady Kiya, having Ahnksenamun and Tutankhamun to each wife respectively.

Before we get into the whole mess of his religion and the ‘revamping’ he did of ancient Egypt, let’s recognize the other things he did for or to the country.

You’ll recognize the vastly different art style between Akhenaten’s rule and the history of most of Egypt. In art that depicts Akhenaten, he was shown as long and spindly, a style that carried into his family. Some people believe that this was because he and his family suffered from Marfan’s syndrome, a disease that caused the elongation of bones and skinniness. A more likely explanation stems from the Pharaoh’s religious beliefs, which as you know, was vastly different from other Pharaohs. This theory is a little more likely because there was no reason for the queen Nefertiti to have the same condition as her husband. Instead, it was probably because their status was far different from the other Pharaohs, as they were moved into a genuinely god-like status for their worship of Aten.

The part of Akhenaten and his rule that interests me the most is the way the royal family was presented in art, despite the style. Like many parts of Akhenaten, it’s entirely different from other Pharaohs (though, whether that’s good or bad is up to you).

Now, most Pharaohs presented themselves highly in art. They could do that, so why not? If I had the guts and the money I probably would too, but my point is that essentially all Pharaohs depicted themselves alone on stelas, engaging in hunting or other activities that strengthened the image of themselves that they wanted to show the world. Usually they were masculine tasks that could be done only by those with great strength and great riches. Akhenaten went in an entirely different direction; he depicted himself with his family. In the stele of Akhenaten, he is shown in a private way, the scene being him with his family, enjoying themselves together.

While we can’t say the definitive reason for him presenting himself as this, the most logical conclusion has to do with, again, his religious beliefs. In his mind, the Aten was held above all else, even the Pharaoh. With Aten as the highest consideration, the Pharaoh and his family enjoyed their lives under the influence of the Aten’s love and grace.

Now that we have a little insight, let’s get into the whole mess of his religion that died immediately after he did.

Akhenaten originally reigned as Amenhotep IV, a reign that lasted around five years before he switched religions. Changing his name, he converted to a cult that worshipped Amun to that of Aten, abolishing the ancient rites of those before him, and instituting what is believed as the first example of monotheism state religion in the world. His rule as Akhenaten lasted 12 years, during which he was labelled as the infamous ‘heretic king’, so that should give you some insight into how people felt about him. 

Before his rule, the cult of aten was a cult like all others in Egypt. It was a bit like choosing your favorite God – find the one you like most, and join that cult. For example if I were to join a cult, I would join the cult of my favorite God, Ma’at. I mention this because before the change, the Aten was shown in inscriptions of Akhenaten (Amenhotep IV at that point), represented by the sun disk. It’s also important to note cult doesn’t carry the same meaning as it did then, and each cult shared the same goal: balance and eternal harmony.

At the time of Amenhotep IV’s rule the Amun cult (where the Aten is from) held incredible power. Their power had been growing for a long while, and by the time of his rule, they held nearly as much power and riches as the Pharaoh himself, and actually owned more land than Amenhotep IV. The fifth year of his reign he switched everything; this was when he abolished the practices of the previous religion of Egypt, and proclaimed himself the “living incarnation of a single all-powerful deity known as Aten,” (Joshua J Mark), and by the ninth year, he closed every single temple, prohibiting all the old practices and devotion to the many Gods the people of Egypt worshipped.

Around then was when he moved the royal seat of Egypt from the traditional house of Thebes to a city of his own creation, a city named Akhetaten, and with that he changed his name to Akhenaten. Here he earned the name the Heretic King, earning the ire of some historians and the admiration of others.

Despite the fact that Akhenaten’s influence completely destroyed worship of the Gods many Egyptians loved, one of the main problems with his rule was that the Old Gods of Egypt instilled harmony and order in the citizens, ultimately helping to create a country that lasted over 4,000 years. Without these Gods, things got a little wonky.

Religious tolerance was allowed with the many Gods, emphasizing peace to the point where religious intolerance wasn’t even an issue. Unfortunately, for monotheism to work, there has to be something inherently wrong with the other side, which made Akhenaten’s work a lot harder, and its’ effects much stronger. It led to the intolerance of other beliefs and some severe suppression, and if you look at the monotheistic religions of today, you can see the same sort of pattern. With intolerance comes hatred and war.

“Dating to this point in Akhenaten’s reign was a campaign to excise the name of gods other than the Aten, especially Amun, from the monuments of Egypt. This was done with violence: hieroglyphs were brutally hacked from the walls of temples and tombs. This was probably carried out, at least in part, by illiterate iconoclasts, presumably following the orders of their king. [Akhenaten] carried out a religious revolution the like of which had never been seen before in Egypt.” (Zahi Hawass, 42-43).

There were priests of Atum who attempted to hide religious artifacts, storing statuary and texts away from the soldiers ordered to destroy them. The priests, with nothing left to do, were forced to abandon their temples. In response Akhenaten either hired new priests or forced the other ones to obey him, proclaiming him and his wife once more as Gods on earth.

Now you can see how Akhenaten kind of sucks. Let’s talk about how he sucks even more.

His foreign policy.

With his ego inflated to the size of the sun, Akhenaten thought himself above interactions with foreign powers. He left his duties to spend more time on himself and his family, ultimately leading to a severe neglect.

You might be asking, “didn’t every Pharaoh have a super-inflated ego?” and yes, you’d be right, but no Pharaoh before Akhenaten had genuinely claimed themselves to be a God. As a self-proclaimed incarnated God, he must’ve thought such affairs beneath him.

Discovered through letters of the time, several (former) allies of Egypt had asked for their help several times with various affairs. At the time Egypt was wealthy, prosperous, and strong, a state that had been slowly growing before halting at Queen Hatshepsut’s reign. Hatshepsut and her successors employed a strategy of actually doing work, by working out when to approach with diplomacy, and when military action was required. Akhenaten on the other hand, ignored everything outside of his palace at Akhetaten. 

The uncertainty of Akhenaten’s rule, along with letters of correspondence between the city of Amarna, the Pharaoh, and foreign nations, led to this era being called the Amarna period. These very letters were proof of the Pharaoh’s negligence. However, the letters also show his keen eye in foreign diplomacy, if the situation interested him so. It was a whole thing with the Hittites, but since this is chiefly about Akhenaten, I’ll leave that topic for later. All you really need to know is that he only tended to issues that affected him directly, and through the Amarna letters, historians can see how poor of a King he was, as well as how deeply many of his subjects disliked or despised him. 

Essentially, the main reason this mess didn’t work out was because it brought about something new: exclusivity. And the Egyptians did not like that, believing that the world needed to have a balance in order to stay away from slipping into chaos. In the end monotheism didn’t last; hell, it was ended basically the second Akhenaten’s son took the throne. Tutankhamun, originally named Tutankhaten, changed his name to reflect the return to polytheism. His successors tore down the reminders of Akhenaten’s reign, removing him and his adoration for the Aten, eradicating his name from the record.

There’s no saying he didn’t affect the world – he did, a lot. Whether that affect was good or bad is up to the interpreter (personally I don’t like it all that much). By Freud’s thinking (hear me out, I know he sucks) Akhenaten’s rule inspired the ancient world, leading others to copy his ideas and theology, eventually snowballing into our modern world, where there are essentially no polytheistic religions. You have to give him credit – he was the first person of the ancient world to dream up monotheism, changing what had defined humanity for so long.

With his name stricken from the books, historians only discovered him upon finding his city Akhetaten. In the records, Horemheb is labelled as Amenhotep III’s successor, skipping over both Akhenaten and Tutankhamun’s rule. Later when Tutankhamun’s tomb was found as one of the very few graves still filled with treasure, interest spiked in Tutankhamun’s life, eventually leading back to his father Akhenaten. 

[generallynerdy]

Maybe it does all add up to a single hush (Kanan Jarrus/Cal Kestis)

Summary: 15 years after the Fall, 10 years after the death of Caleb Dume, Kanan Jarrus and Cal Kestis find each other again.

Warnings: Jedi: Fallen Order Spoilers, Implied/Referenced Character Death, cursing, brief suicidal ideation/thoughts Word Count: 5,143

Author’s Note: the effort I had to put in not to make this another series...I had to stage an intervention for myself. Anyway, I love Cal and Kanan’s dynamic, whether as partners or as friends, and an Idea struck me that wouldn’t leave. Also, idk how old most people think Cal was when the war ended based on JFO clips, but I always just kind of went with him being the same age as Kanan at the end of the war bc I love them and I need them to know each other. The title is from the poem “So They Say— They Finally Nailed— The Proton’s Size— & Hope— Dies—” by Rosebud Ben-Oni.

Read On AO3

*

When the hard part is over, Cal returns to Bracca, his new lightsaber tucked under Cere’s old robe that still smells like the Temple, with the intention of burning Prauf’s body.

Caleb still had his own robe. He kept it in the deepest part of their shared closet, bringing it out only on the worst days. If Prauf saw it, he never mentioned it, and both boys were grateful for it. There was a lot he didn’t mention.

Cal thinks, sometimes, that Prauf knew who they were before. After all, it’s hard to look at two abandoned kids in the wake of the Clone Wars that can survive being riggers and not think of the thousands of Jedi younglings that died on Empire Day. It’s even harder to ignore two lightsabers and one ratty, brown robe.

Maybe Prauf wasn’t sure.

But he had to be, on that last day, when they found that fighter. When Cal caught him with the Force. He knew then, maybe before. But he still took care of them.

Maybe he knew when the Empire showed up, when Caleb heard the roar of a TIE Fighter and looked instantly to the redheaded boy beside him like he was about to die before his eyes. Maybe that was the moment he put it all together. Or was it his last moment? When the world began to go dark and both Cal and Caleb lashed out in fury at his killers with matching, bright blue blades—did he know? Did he know that he died for the children of an already dying Order?

Standing over the bonfire, Cal holds the Holocron in shaky hands.

Did Prauf know his sacrifice would save the life of every child just like them?

Cal moves away from the flames to the gap in the ground that they’d held Caleb over, his calloused hands clawing at the Ninth Sister, who clutched his throat.

Deep in Cal’s heart, he knows half the reason he beat her was for his best friend. He’d almost given in to rage but stopped himself at the memory of him. Revenge is not the way of the Jedi. But justice is. And so is survival, these days.

Caleb’s lightsaber fell long before he did. When he did fall, he went screaming bloody murder, the noise echoing in the silence that rang in Cal’s ears.

Standing at the edge now, Cal almost considers simply...stepping off.

He can survive it. He has before. And what’s to say that Caleb isn’t waiting at the bottom?

Caleb...used to like animals, he remembers. He preferred them to plants, which are unreadable if you don’t have practise with them. Animals, like people, are complex but tell you in simple terms what they want and what they don’t want. Cal has always been better with plants. They’re simple, grounding, natural. Caleb used to tease him for it.

The only plant he ever managed to grow on this place was a seedling in a boot filled with dirt he kept in their room. It had been making good progress in their last weeks, enough that he’d actually felt some semblance of hope.

And then...and then he’d lost everything. Again.

The Holocron burns in his hand, reminding him that there is more in store for him than an endless chasm. Hundreds of thousands of Force-sensitive children are depending on him now, him and the Mantis crew.

Cal lets out a shaky breath. “I couldn’t save you,” he whispers to the wind. “But maybe I can save them.”

On the way back to the Mantis, he turns around to go find the robe and the plant in its boot. The robe smells like blaster fire and the plant is wilting but both are comforting: one because it’s familiar and the other because it’s not quite gone yet.

*

Kanan changes his name.

It doesn’t feel right, hearing his given name from anyone that isn’t Cal or Prauf. The first and only time it happens, nausea sinks in and he quickly makes the change.

Some days, he wants to go back to Bracca. Some part of him still hopes Cal survived the Inquisitors, that he’s waiting for him back at what used to be home, but the logical part of him knows that he’s not. Kanan surviving was a miracle, a fluke, and those don’t happen twice. Sometimes he wishes it had never happened at all.

He managed to save his lightsaber, as broken to bits as it was. It and the necklace Cal gave him are all he has now.

Kanan doesn’t let himself grieve, as much as he knows he needs to. He hardly did it before, on Bracca, but now he won’t allow even a tear. Surviving is the only thing on his mind, though for what he doesn’t know.

When he almost loses that little piece of metal on a string, though, he breaks down sobbing.

It’s the stupidest thing, really. All those lessons on attachment are lost on him now, as he cries over the rusted symbol of the Jedi Order on a piece of scrap metal that Cal had put on a cord for him. He keeps it close to his heart, hanging off his neck every hour of every day if he can help it, and getting that close to losing it is the last straw.

He knows now, why he’s surviving. Because Cal would want him to.

Meeting Hera is a relief. She’s kind but curious, which is more of a bane than it should be.

(Painfully, he’s reminded of himself as a youngling. His Master always said his frequent questions were what drew her to him.)

She’s the first to know about his past, both as a Jedi and a rigger on Bracca. He doesn’t think to mention Caleb, doesn’t think it would matter to anyone, not until after a mission gone bad.

Hera is putting bacta on his wounds and graciously ignoring his constant wincing when she sees it.

She points to the cord after examining what hangs on it for a minute. “For someone who’s trying to be discreet, you wear a lot of Jedi stuff.”

Kanan snorts. “Yeah, well, I won’t get rid of this one.”

“It’s important to you,” she points out. “Can I ask why?”

He hesitates, swallowing roughly. “My best friend gave it to me...on Bracca, befo-before the Inquisitors caught up to us,” he admits. “He didn’t make it.”

Her eyes are full of empathy, something she never lacks. “What was his name?”

“Cal,” he says, voice quiet. “Cal Kestis.”

“If you remember his name,” she promises, “he’ll always be with you.”

It’s not so much a Twi’lek belief as it is her own but it reminds Kanan of Grey more than anyone else. His buir. The clones subscribed to many Mandalorian beliefs, including the echoing of remembrances for the dead. Before the abrupt end of the war, little Caleb used to say his every morning with his Master and buir.

So, he decides to start again. It’s difficult, at first, to even get through the first names, his oldest names.

“Depa Billaba,” he says through tears in the quiet of pre-dawn, “Grey, Styles, Prauf...”

He stops.

It’s hard to think, even harder to say, but he knows he needs to. He needs to tell himself the truth, needs to accept the truth.

“Cal—”

He sobs, shaky and painful. His throat burns just like it did when he fell down the chasm on Bracca, screaming his head off, part out of fear for himself but mostly for fear of what was happening to Cal above him. It hurts to speak it into the world, into the Force and those marching on. Cal is among them now, he knows. He just...has to admit it.

“Cal Kestis,” he finally says, the admission wobbly and half-hearted.

He never loses the necklace again.

*

They’ve finally settled on Bogano, after wiping every trace of it from Imperial data servers. The Holocron is safely locked away in the Vault, guarded by their crew and the Binog, fondly called ‘the big guy,’ mostly by fault of Greez.

Though mostly self-sufficient, occasionally some of them will leave the planet for supplies they can’t make themselves. While off on supply runs, well, they can’t help it if some Imperials just look like easy pickings. Apparently, slavers get the same treatment because Merrin ends up a figure in some sort of oral tradition of a Tatooine family, which Cal finds hilarious. Cere is not so amused and grounds them—literally, in that they can’t leave Bogano—for over a month.

Cal spends most of it repairing old platforms and ziplines, not to mention entertaining the Boglings.

They’re fond of him, for some reason, and BD-1, who loves to run around with them while Cal works. One in particular, named Rabid by Merrin after she stole her entire plate of food, is especially loveable.

Cal snickers as he pulls Rabid off his shoulder. “I have to finish this, then I can play.”

Rabid is not pleased with his answer, nibbling at his trousers.

“Rabid,” he chides, ignoring her in favour of his work. He laughs again. “I used to know somebody who would’ve loved you, annoying as you are.”

BD, who has taken Rabid’s place, beeps curiously.

Cal’s face falls a little. He pauses in his work. “Oh. I guess I’ve never told you about Caleb, huh?”

The little droid shakes his head.

Cal never intended to talk about Caleb to anyone, really, but it all comes pouring out. He tells BD and Rabid all about his old best friend, his confidant. The story is a long one, reaching from the creche all the way to Bracca and its bitter end. By the time he’s finished, his voice is quiet and hesitant, his grief echoing through.

Rabid curls up in his lap, nudging his hand, while BD sits in front of them, tilting his head.

A little light on the side of his scope says that he’s recording. He does that a lot, Cal knows, for prosperity, just like he was programmed to. Cal doesn’t mind, really.

When he finishes, BD gets his attention by chirping.

“Huh? You have something to show me?”

BD’s projector whirrs to life and a blue image appears. It’s Cordova, again, but not a video this time. It’s only a holo, of him and another Jedi—Master Jocasta Nu, Cal realises. Master Cordova is dead asleep on her shoulder and she’s leaned over to kiss his brow.

“Oh,” Cal breathes out, something jarring in his chest.

BD-1 thinks that he and Caleb were—well, were like that.

“I—” he pauses. “I dunno, buddy. I never asked him if...but I think…”

Well. It’d be a stretch to say Cal loved him, but he certainly cared for him more than he ever did anyone else. When they were thirteen and stupid, he might’ve said he had a crush on him. After the Fall, on Bracca, he just...didn't think of it. Caleb was all he had and he clung but he never...thought about what it was, thought about what they were.

It hurts to think of now, all that he missed.

“I don’t know if I did,” Cal tells BD quietly. “But I think I- I think I could have.”

BD asks about Caleb a lot, after that. Maybe he can tell that talking about him makes Cal happy. The others know about the one he lost but they don’t ask. They all have their demons and Cal’s are just...just too great to pile on another person. BD, though, is a little easier. All he wants is to see Cal smile again.

*

“What’s this?”

Kanan doesn’t think to look up at whatever Ezra—the newest addition to the Ghost crew—has swiped from him, until he notices a weight missing from his neck. His head snaps up to where a cord hangs from Ezra’s hand.

“Give that back,” Kanan growls, not meaning to be so aggressive.

Ezra’s eyes widen. He holds it out immediately, dropping it into Kanan’s open hand. “Sorry,” he mutters, watching curiously as Kanan puts it back on.

Almost by instinct, Kanan tucks the piece of scrap metal back under his shirt and breathes out a sigh of relief. He goes back to his datapad. Then, a moment later, when he notices the entire room is still silent, he looks up. Sabine and Zeb have joined Ezra in staring incredulously.

“What?” Kanan asks, his voice back to normal.

“I’ve never seen you that mad before,” Sabine admits with a half-shrug, though her eyes betray her concern.

Zeb nods, arms crossed. “And I’ve never seen you without that thing on your neck.”

“Yeah, you even sleep with it!” Ezra adds. “What’s up with that?”

“I—” He goes to make an excuse but stops, his hand fidgeting with the necklace.

“You don’t have to…” Sabine starts to say, but he shakes his head.

He sighs. To be honest, he’s surprised Zeb and Sabine haven’t asked before. “My best friend gave it to me.”

Ezra immediately sits down across from him, eyes wide. “Another Jedi?”

Admittedly, the kid is a lot like he used to be: always asking questions, always pushing. It’s going to get him in trouble someday but for now, it just gets him more stories out of Kanan, stories about the Jedi.

“Yeah. Yeah, another Padawan. We grew up in the Temple together.” He smiles, a fickle and fleeting thing. “He was picked by a Master before me, so we were separated...at the end. But I found him again, on the planet he was last assigned. He gave me this.”

Ezra’s face is bright, curious. Sabine, on the other hand, looks prepared for a gut-punch.

“What happened to him?” she asks quietly.

Kanan exhales sharply, ruefully. “Inquisitors. After 5 years of nothing, they came out of nowhere. I never saw what happened to him. For all I know, they still have him.”

“Oh,” Ezra says, his face falling.

“You know, Zeb,” Kanan begins, not wanting to make things any sadder, “his Master was a Lasat.”

He scoffs. “No way.”

“He was, swear it on my life!” he claims, raising a hand. “First time I saw you, I thought Master Tapal came back to haunt me for being a bad influence.”

Zeb snickers. “Bad influence? You?”

“Eh, a nudge here and there. We were not good kids.”

He tells them a few stories before Sabine and Zeb are called away by Hera and Chopper, leaving Ezra and Kanan alone. Ezra makes to follow them but stops, his expression cautiously blank.

“What is it, Ezra?” Kanan asks, already knowing that he’s brimming with curiosity.

“You said he was...your best friend?”

He frowns. “Yeah, ever since we were kids. Why?”

“I dunno. The way you talked about him just reminded me of my parents,” Ezra admits hesitantly. “Sappy. Did you—?”

Kanan sighs, touching his necklace again.

He had always been more reckless than Cal, back then. He threw himself into everything, into every situation. No matter the problem or the person, he was all-in. No matter what. And that included Cal. Once he took that step, he was karked. Before he knew it, he was hanging onto the redhead’s every word.

Cal was...different. Kanan had known that for a long time but the war only brought it out.

Kanan had a stupid crush, that was all. But on Bracca, it was everything and more.

He’d known then, known for a long time. Cal had never seen it but he didn’t have to. Kanan was fine the way things were. It didn’t feel right, bringing things up after...well, after. So Cal never knew.

(Sure, he could see the past of things with a single touch of his hands but he’d always been pretty oblivious.)

“Love him?” Kanan asks, raising an eyebrow.

Ezra nods.

It’s without hesitation that he answers. “I did.”

When they go in search of Master Luminara, Kanan’s kids buy him a precious few minutes to search for a Cal Kestis in the prisoner logs. He’s not there, of course, but Kanan thinks he prefers that to a death certificate.

*

“Ho-oly shit,” Greez says over comms one day. “You guys better get up here.”

Cal shares a look with Cere, following her out of the workshop with BD on his shoulder. Merrin has already teleported to Greez’s side when they arrive, lightsabers in hand. Greez passes the young man—not so young anymore, Cere has commented teasingly as he desperately shaves away any trace of his age—a pair of electrobinoculars.

Squinting through the scope, he spies a trail of smoke on the horizon attached to a ship.

“Kriffing hells,” Cere says after she gets a look.

In all their 10 years here, no one has ever landed—or crashed, for that matter—on the planet. The few ships that have come into orbit were Imperial and always quickly dealt with before word could get out. This one, however, isn’t exactly your standard Imperial cruiser. And it’s wrecked.

“Looks like a modified VCX-100 light freighter to me,” Greez says. “It’s a nice ship.”

Merrin rolls her eyes. “Are we waiting for them to come to us?”

“Looks like we don’t have to,” Cere declares, still looking through the binocs. “They’re headed this way, six hostiles. Three humans, a Lasat, a Twi’lek, and a droid.”

Greez laughs. “A Lasat? We’re kriffed.”

“Says you,” Merrin snorts.

“I’m with her,” Cal agrees, a cocky smile on his face. “Merrin and I will take the Vault. Cere, Greez, take home. BD will lure the big ones our way.”

“You got it, kid.”

Cere puts a hand on his shoulder before he can follow Merrin—more or less, seeing as she just teleports everywhere. “Be careful.”

The worst part of intruders is that even the hypothetical good ones can’t know Bogano is here. They’ll have to knock them out hard enough for their memories to be spotty and dump them in a nearby system if they’re smart—and they are.

Cal slips on his robe, a gift from Cere, and flips the hood up, making for the Vault.

If these visitors think they can take the Holocron, they have another thing coming.

*

“Are you sure we can find help here?” Ezra asks for the third time as they approach the massive building in the distance. “It looks...deserted.”

Hera sighs for the third time. “Scanners said there were signs of life here in a higher concentration than the rest of the planet. It’s worth checking out.”

Sabine gestures through the mild fog. “There’s buildings up ahead.”

“Good, let’s head there,” Kanan says, a cautious hand on his lightsaber.

Hopping across platforms is a pain, but they all manage to make their way to what looks like a residential area. A small path digs into the ground, leading deeper inside the planet’s crust. With a look at her second in command, Hera starts toward it. However, she stops when Kanan freezes.

“Do you feel that?” he asks suddenly, squinting as he looks into the distance.

Something is...tugging at him. Something in the Force is insistent that he go...that way. The feeling of incompleteness settles inside his chest.

“No…” Ezra replies uneasily. “What is it?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t know.” After a moment, he decides. “I think I should go this way. You guys go on ahead.”

Zeb scoffs. “I’ll go with you. We don’t know who lived here. Could be Inquisitors for all we know.”

“They generally prefer places with lava,” Ezra counters.

The group splits, with Hera leading Sabine, Chopper, and Ezra into the abode. She and Sabine have their blasters raised, while Ezra keeps a hand on his lightsaber. Chopper is always ready to give someone a nasty shock.

“Anyone home?” Sabine calls.

There’s no answer.

They come across a small kitchen and dining room, where two chairs are pulled out. Over one hangs a small, ratty brown robe with multiple blaster burns.

Ezra plucks it off the back of the seat. “Woah, cool,” he breathes. “Very Jedi-like, huh?”

“Leave it, Ezra,” Hera chides fondly.

“You’d best,” says another voice.

All three of them jump as a lightsaber hums to life. Double-bladed, the weapon burns bright white throughout the room, illuminating its bearer, a woman with dark skin and hair, and her companion.

“Inquisitor!” Ezra cries, lighting his own.

The lightsaber wielder’s friend fires off a blaster right at Hera, who’s shoved out of the way by Sabine. Chopper shrieks, his head spinning.

“Look out!”

On the surface, Zeb follows Kanan to the edge of the platform. There, they find a zip line, which they intend to brave before a series of chirps stops them.

Zeb yelps and lifts his rifle when a droid appears, only stopped by Kanan’s raised hand.

It’s...a buddy droid.

“Hey, little guy,” Kanan greets cautiously. “What are you doing all the way out here?”

He beeps excitedly and backs away, indicating that they should follow. With a single leap, he attaches himself to the zipline and whirrs as he zooms all the way down.

“Don’t tell me we’re following the droid,” Zeb groans.

Kanan just smiles. “We’re following the droid.”

Using the Force to balance himself, he leaps atop the zipline and begins to tiptoe his way down. Behind him, Zeb sighs but reaches up to grab the line, following right after him. They land on a platform a good distance away, where a small slope is guarded by two statues; the beings depicted are of an unknown species, one lost to time.

“I don’t like this,” Zeb says as soon as he hops onto the grass. “It’s like the start of a bad horror holo.”

Kanan snorts. “If that were true, it would be raining tookas and massiffs.”

The buddy droid whirrs loudly to get their attention and bounces his way up the sloping path, on top of which sits a fluffy native creature. Kanan doesn’t know what they’re called, but this one is adorable. She chirps at them, much like the droid did.

“Oh, you’re a sweet little thing, aren’t you?” Kanan coos, moving to meet the creature and let her sniff his hand.

She makes a happy noise and nudges him.

“Ugh,” Zeb mutters, “more things.”

The droid and the creature lead them to the entrance of the massive, ancient building that had caught Kanan’s eye from the crash site. He steps in front of Zeb, placing his hand on the runes in the rock as the Force sings. This isn’t what’s calling him, but…

“Something is here,” Kanan whispers.

“I hope it’s not something that wants to eat us,” Zeb says long-sufferingly.

The slab of rock retreats into the space above, leaving an open tunnel of sorts.

“Karabast,” the Lasat curses, “I hate Jedi stuff.”

Kanan rolls his eyes. “C’mon.”

It’s a tight fit, but the two squeeze their way through, Kanan leading the way. They exit into a large cavern filled with a few inches of water, just enough to be annoying. Standing in the midst of the cave is a figure in a brown robe. The moment Kanan spots him, he draws his lightsaber and stands in front of Zeb until he can ready his rifle, too.

“You are not meant to be here.”

Kanan frowns. “The Force says otherwise. Who are you?”

“The guardian of this vault. You need to leave,” the figure says.

From underneath their robe, they draw a very familiar weapon. With a snap and a hiss, two blades of yellow light appear. Kanan lights his own lightsaber in response but it’s too little too late.

A green smoke encompasses Zeb, who yelps as he’s flung across the room by a pissed off Nightsister—which makes zero sense because they’re all supposed to be dead.

Kanan makes for his friend, interrupted only by the mysterious guardian rushing at him.

“Where did you get that lightsaber?” the faceless figure hisses.

And, well, Kanan doesn’t know how to answer that question except with another question. “Where did you get yours? ”

Back in the residential platform, Hera leaps in between Ezra and the lightsaber-wielder. “Wait!” she cries.

Both stop, staring at her like she’s crazy.

“That’s a healed kyber crystal, isn’t it?” Hera asks, pointing to her white blade. “You’re not an Inquisitor. You’re a Jedi.”

The woman lowers her lightsaber just slightly. “I was.”

“I’m one, too!” Ezra chirps, popping out from behind Hera. “Er. I’m training to be one!”

Her eyes widen. “A Padawan? Who’s your Master?”

Before he can answer, Hera speaks for him. “Kanan Jarrus. But his name used to be Caleb Dume.”

“Caleb?” she asks, her voice hushed in awe. “Depa Billaba’s Padawan?”

She nods.

Abruptly, the woman turns sharply on her heel, raising her comm unit to her lips and rushing out the door. “Cal, they’re non-hostiles, non-hostiles! Don’t hurt your boyfriend!”

“What!?” Ezra and Sabine cry at the same time, the former’s voice cracking.

Without another word, they follow her and her friend outside.

*

Merrin has the Lasat out of the Vault long before Cal gets his opponent to the entrance, admittedly. Lightsaber to lightsaber combat is significantly more balanced than Nightsister magick against a bo-rifle, poor guy.

Still, Cal pushes the intruder to the top of the Vault’s slope, the man just on the edge of slipping.

That’s when Cere’s voice crackles through the comms.

“Cal, they’re non-hostiles, non-hostiles! Don’t hurt your boyfriend!”

Hand grasping the intruder’s shirt, holding him above the edge, Cal freezes. He meets brown eyes and suddenly can’t breathe, gaze drifting to the cord around the taller man’s neck. His gloveless fingers just barely skim the material, Force signatures exploding in front of his eyes.

And suddenly, he can see it. He can see himself, painstakingly painting that symbol onto the metal and bartering for a cord. He sees an older Caleb sobbing in the quiet of an unfamiliar room, clutching that necklaces like a lifeline.

“Did you—?”

“Love him? I did.”

A shaky breath passes his lips.

“Caleb?” he asks, voice breaking on the name that’s so unfamiliar on his tongue.

The grip on his wrist loosens.

Kanan hears the woman’s voice, clear as day, but he almost doesn’t believe it at first. He almost doesn’t believe when he hears that whispered question. Caleb. It’s the name of a stranger and yet—yet when that robe’s hood slips off to reveal red hair and bright green eyes, he feels like he’s never known any other name.

“Cal?”

The Force wasn’t calling him to the Vault. It was calling him to its guardian.

Silence falls, the rest of the world fading away. All they’ve been through, all they’ve seen, and it all stops in this moment. It all adds up to this.

Cal lets go of his shirt, letting him balance precariously at the top of the muddy slope down from the Vault. Neither of them speaks—neither of them knows what to feel, except bright, unparalleled joy.

Cal doesn’t let himself flinch when Caleb reaches, his fingers just barely skimming his cheek.

He doesn’t get much further. Green smoke encompasses his body and before Cal knows it, his best friend is being flung from the Vault entrance to the platform beyond, screaming as he goes. The platform beyond, where the Oggdo used to reside, is covered in flowers. It was there that Cal planted his little sapling in a boot and there that the plant spread, covering almost every inch of land with budding blue and yellow flowers.

Cal whirls around to see Merrin, her eyes glowing green.

“Merrin, no!” he protests, eyes wide with desperation. “That’s Caleb!”

Merrin’s glowing fades as she glances at the nearby Lasat and her friend’s horrified face. “My mistake,” she says in that tone that says she knows exactly who he is.

(They were taking too long to speak, in her opinion.)

Cal huffs at her before getting a running start toward the entrance, using the Force to balance himself as he slides down that muddied slope, sailing right toward Caleb. Near the end, he leaps into the air, propelling himself a mere few feet from his collapsed companion.

“Caleb!” he cries, stumbling the last few steps and falling to his knees, where Caleb is face-down in the damp grass, his hair-tie mysteriously missing.

Caleb is—well, he’s okay. He’s just...wheezing with laughter.

He pushes himself up on his elbows and flips over just as Cal makes it to him, his chest heaving with the effort. And still, he laughs, a half-mad sound.

“Are you o—?” Cal is cut off by his own yelp when Caleb flings himself up from the ground and pulls Cal with him.

He embraces the redhead, dragging them both to their feet so he can swing Cal around. Cal shrieks and hitches his legs up on his hips, as difficult as that is with the man’s height—the bastard, he grew. He reaches desperately for Caleb’s shoulders to hold onto when they spin, completely unaware of Cere and the rest of Caleb’s group appearing on the platform.

Finally, Caleb stops, looking up at Cal with shining eyes and a smile that could kill a man. Cal leans forward, letting his forehead fall against his and breathing out a sigh of relief.

“I thought the Inquisitors had you,” Caleb whispers, a thousand more words in the back of his mind, too many to count.

Cal’s eyes well with tears. “I thought you were dead.”

Caleb has always been more reckless than Cal but the latter was the one to hear his words echo through that necklace, an admission years too late. It’s because of that little echo that Cal buries a hand in the hair that falls to his shoulders and pushes his head upward, meeting him in a searing kiss.

Out of shock, Caleb both squeaks—adorable, Cal thinks—and clutches the back of Cal’s shirt for a moment before dropping him. Luckily, his instinct has him landing on his feet.

The drop pulls him away and, looking up, he sees Caleb looking shell-shocked.

He just grins, grabs the taller man’s shirt, and pulls him in for another kiss, this one saying much more than the first. Caleb plants his feet and buries a hand in Cal’s hair for good measure.

They both ignore Greez cackling in the distance and Sabine’s whispered: “What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck —”

Because in that moment, all is right with the galaxy. Cal’s flowers are fully grown and blossoming beneath their feet, Caleb’s robe is waiting for him in the other room, and they have each other again.

And that’s all they’ve ever really wanted, isn’t it?

*

River’s Tags: @hahaboop & @mystoragehatesme

Masterlist

[winnipegpatty]

hi kids! i am excited to share with yall my fantasy hockey team for NtEhl (No Thoughts Empty Head League) a couple my other pals have done this, so i am here to share my thoughts behind my draft pick as well because i am just really happy and excited, and i would personally like to see @mathewtkachuk explain her reasoning past “Getting Mattdrai” lol

Okay, so first off, this is my disclaimer. I Want To Win. Period. I did not draft off vibes, until like the last two rounds when all the best players were gone. 

Round 1: Carter Hart

Is he the best goalie ever? No, but I knew I wanted him, and I knew the flyers were literally going to be flying off the draft list (Nolan went 2nd overall yall okay, and so I knew I had to get him now if I wanted him) (Also Mitch Marner went first over all which was a bold move). 

Round 2: Auston Matthews

Every time i mock drafted, I drafted this dude first, but I knew (and was right) that he would last through the first round because of his, uh, Baggage, shall we put it? Not to be controversial on main (lol) but i love him, and like i said, I Want To Win, so yeah. 

Round 3: Connor McDavid

I think I drafted this gem at like???? 30????? Connor McDavid would have a riot if he knew he went 30th over all (Travis Konecny went 14th, so I am thriving off this knowledge, and yall have no idea how pissed I am that I didn’t get TK OR Provy, like i knew there was no chance for nolpats, but still) 

Round 4: Victor Hedman

Uh, yeah so we finally got around to a DMan, lol, and did I get the best defensemen in the nhl? yes, yes i did, and no i won’t be taking comments.

Round 5: Connor Hellebuyck

Listen, ideally I wanted to rule the world with a tandem of Carter Hart and Andrei Vasilevskiy, but alas he went right after I picked Connor McDavid, so I lost my shot. However, will I take a fucking vezina winner? Uh, yeah, yeah I will. 

Round 6: Mikhail Sergachev 

Am I, at this point, just drafting Tampa’s entire roster? Mayhaps. But I love him, and I love tampa, and like, tampa can win so, heres to hoping these boys get me points. 

Round 7: Brayden Point

lol, like, i am done, tampa is incredibly underrated by tumblr folks so, i was able to get a lot of real great players in the late rounds still.

Round 8: John Tavares

yeah, that’s right, i got a fucking first over all pick in ROUND FUCKING EIGHT LOL. I’m not necessarily a fan of this dude, but i can in fact recognize that he is a good player, and will hopefully get me points.

Round 9: Jake Muzzin

This was about the point where i said “shit i have 2 defensemen and like almost all the defensemen are gone”. however, I love jake muzzin, and hopefully he stays healthy and will play well this season! 

Round 10: Roope Hintz

This is the moment we have no slipped into “pure vibes” bc, while i love roope, my attraction to him being on my team, is purely the vibes, and you will find a pattern soon. 

Round 11: William Karlsson

Honestly, not the William, or the Swede I would want, but uh, Nylander was a hot commodity surprisingly. But yes, here i am laid bare of my love for Scandinavian blondes. :/

Round 12: Dominick Kubalik 

In which I was like “wait shit this kid is actually good, I’ll take him!” A late round, exciting add for me. 

Round 13: Ryan Ellis

In which i was for real like “shit, defense is important what is happening” 

Round 14: Nikolaj Ehlers

I’ll be honest, i know nothing of this man and only even have name recognition because of @nikolajehlers however, he had great stats so i was excited to add him to my roster so late in the game! 

Round 15: Steven Stamkos

because yeah, steven stamkos was still around in round 15 and i finally said “to hell with it why the fuck not” i was nervous about him being out due to injury again, however this late in the game there wasn’t a ton to work with, and realistically he was the best add I could have asked for in round 15. 

Round 16: Jake Oettinger

This is my biggest risk because otter may not even play, and he may suck. but with ben bishop being injured i am banking on this kid playing and getting his first real nhl debut games this season. and hopefully he wont leave me high and dry haha. he obviously looked good the few times he was put in for the playoffs, so hopefully the stars have confidence in him to play him occasionally if not frequently. I may end up having to trade him or something, who knows.

So anyway, this is my team. I do indeed have FOUR first overall picks, a second overall pick, two ninth overall pick, an eleventh overall pick, and a 26th overall pick. So while, my team isn’t technically ALL first round picks, i did name my team (bc im lazy and not creative) “first rounders only” so here we are, and I am ready to fight to the death, aka Win. 

[pallases]

give me book recs PLEASE,,,, u know my taste p well but basically fantasy of any sort, bonus points if its gay, extra bonus points if it involves sexy ladies with swords

okay okay i’ve already given you most of my favorites and you’ve already read most of those but i have more!

children of blood and bone by tomi adeyami - you liked strange the dreamer so you will probably like this too. similar themes w dreams and oppression and fighting for what’s right except this one has more literal fighting iirc. magic, royalty, culture, all poc cast. no gay unfortunately :( not sure if there are ladies w swords but there are definitely ladies fighting, just w magic and staffs(??). my utter lack of a memory regarding it probably sounds bad but trust me i loved it, i just read it two years ago and there’s not much of a fandom so i haven’t talked abt it since lmao

i’ll give you the sun by jandy nelson - contemporary, gay (mlm), mental illness (check triggers), sibling relations, art!!!, nostalgia, unfortunate but decent use of the bad boy trope w the girl twin. i don’t think he was even an actual bad boy i’m p sure he just had a motorcycle and dressed like one. it had some v important themes and messages, overall cute but at the same time handled serious things seriously. p sure it made me cry. slightly unrelated but there was a lot from it that i planned to draw so it’s probably safe to say it has good imagery

ninth house by leigh bardugo - have not actually read past page 40 bc i started it right before chain of gold came out but it just seems like something you’d like. also leigh bardugo. however i’ve heard it has a ton of triggers so check those out probably

a darker shade of magic by ve schwab - already mentioned it to you recently but!! it’s so good. you will want lila to step on you and you’ll fall in love w the world building. gay (mlm), possibly sexy ladies w swords?? at least sexy ladies w badass magic. also she’s a pirate at some point so yes she probably has a sword. either way bonus pirates. @emdrabbles idk if you’ve read it or not but i’m tagging you anyway bc you would love it too

monsters of verity / this savage song by ve schwab - no gay or sexy ladies w swords but it is fantasy and it’s ve schwab so you’re legally obligated to check it out >:( despite the lack of gay it does have a nb character, though they’re not one of the two mains and they don’t show up until book 2. (it’s a duology.) also despite lack of swords kate harker (main female) qualifies as sexy and she does fight monsters. when i read it it was the first book to truly connect me to its characters in a long time, esp w august. interesting original concepts and creatures, 🙏🏻🙏🏻 take on music and powers, there’s a cat named allegro and i would die for him, warning in advance it gets really angsty. now would be a good time to mention that it was also the first book to make me cry in a long time. so so good and does not receive nearly enough attention

the lunar chronicles OR renegades by marissa meyer - honestly not sure which you’d like more or if either would really be your thing but they’re both good so i will just drop their names here and let you look up the summaries for each and decide from there which appeals more to you. drop another ask after if you want me to elaborate on either or both like i have w the above books

look at this old ask

— sleepover saturday monday!

[dillydedalus]

march reading

you would think that being in semi-quarantine would mean i get more reading done..... alas, you would be wrong (you’d be even more wrong if you thought i’d work more on my MA thesis)

a single man, christopher isherwood man i love isherwood but before this i’d only ever read his berlin novels. this one is about a middle-aged british professor in the US, who has recently lost his long-term partner & is trying to cope with grief & homophobia, uncertainty and revenge fantasies against a homophobic society (+ dealing with his students). IT GOOD. 3.5/5

apple & knife, intan paramaditha (tr. from indonesian by stephen epstein) a feminist-horrorish collection of short stories, often based on fairytales & indonesian folklore and thematically very much concerned with female beauty & desirability and/or the lack & opposite of it - a theme that is deployed in many interesting ways, although it is so dominant that it becomes a bit repetitive by the end. stand-outs for me were a story about a man pursued by the mythical sea queen, a lusciously written story about a vampire secretary & one about the taboo of menstrual blood. 3.5/5

a different drummer, william melvin kelley one of these ‘lost classics’ that are rediscovered occasionally, a civil-rights-era story about a fictional southern state in which the entire black population suddenly just leaves, just packs all their stuff and gets the hell out, after one black farmer, tucker caliban, salts his fields, shoots his animals, and burns down his house, starting an exodus. interestingly, the story is entirely told from the white inhabitants of this fictional state, especially the willsons, a family of landowners that in previous generations owned the caliban family, and is now mostly made up of well-intentioned liberals (& an ex-socialist) who are still inactive enough to remain complicit in (and indeed profit from) racist structures & segregation. it’s well-written, smart, and definitely deserves to be rediscovered. 4/5

the new voices of fantasy, anthology ed. by peter beagle really liked this anthology of stories by new and new-ish fantasy writers - lots of good stories (particularly the ones by wong, pinsker, vernon and samatar) and there were only a few duds. it also has machado’s brilliant the husband stitch, which i’d read before, but loved again. good selection, good variety, a good choice if you want some shortform fantasy. 3.5/5

gideon the ninth, tamsyn muir (locked tomb #1)  why must a book make sense, have comprehensible worldbuilding and good pacing? isn’t it enough to be aesthetique, gay & unhinged? anyway i won’t even try to sum this up bc i don’t think i could but it’s a real fun & cool book about necromantic space princesses & princes in a necromantic challenge that turns deadly (duh), but mostly it’s about god’s perfect sword-jock gideon who is forced to become her arch-nemesis/frenemy/one&only harrow’s bodyguard & the two of them circling around each other in resentment, bitterness & magnetic codependent... love, maybe. the first half is a bit of a drag, the second half is fantastic even if i still don’t know what the fuck was going on lol. 3.5 stars out of 5 BUT 9 sunglass-wearing skulls out of 10 sunglass-wearing skulls which really is the more important rating system #onefleshoneendbitch

worlds from the word’s end, joanna walsh i get this title wrong every time lol, but it is a brilliant title. anyway this is one of those short story collection where the stories are all really weird & somewhat obscure & your always like ‘i mean i guess??’ but most of the time you don’t really know what to do with them. the title story about a country that stops using language is really good, and there’s one about a woman who lives at berlin hauptbahnhof waiting for... someone that i really liked, and a few other cool ones as well. 3/5

brüder, jackie thomae (no english translation yet) a novel about two half-brothers, both born in east germany to different mothers and an (absent) african exchange student father, growing up as mixed-race children in the two germanies. one of them, mick, is a sweet gentle dude who kinda loses himself in the west berlin clubbing scene, while gabriel is ambitious, driven, and eventually becomes a star architect (who then cracks under the pressure of it all). it’s an interesting look at race and identity in germany (east/west/reunited) and somewhat comparable to girl, woman, other in theme (although with a much smaller cast), but like mick, it feels kinda meandering and directionless with not enough of an arc for its 400+ pages. 3/5

[dailyaudiobible]

10/29/2019 DAB Transcript

Lamentations 1:1-2:22, Philemon 1:1-25, Psalms 101:1-8, Proverbs 26:20

Today is the 29th day of October. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I'm Brian. It’s great to be here with you today as we continue our journey through this week and through, of course, the month and the year and the Bible. And we have come to a day where we are making some changes into some new territory, new books, new letters in both the Old and the New Testaments today. So, obviously, we begin with the Old Testament and we’ll be beginning the book of Lamentations today. So, we can see there's an arc, there’s kind of a flow that the Bible takes us through. And, so, we reach certain books like Job or Ecclesiastes and issues of the heart that we don't normally deal with are brought up and that's what the book of Lamentations does as we move into kind of mournful territory. Again, the idea of mourning or lamenting or regret or grief, you don't usually sign up for those things. They visit us all, but we don't usually get in line for them. But the Bible leads us into all of the territory that we will experience as human beings and that…that's where were headed and it comes at a good time. As we’re preparing to move into the final push of the year. It's important that we explore this territory.

Introduction to the book of Lamentations:

The book of Lamentations is actually composed of five poems and they’re poems of lament over the fall and the destruction of Jerusalem. And it's right here that we need to just pause for second and put ourselves in the right frame of mind. We can think of the ancient fall of the Roman Empire, the ancient fall of Jerusalem and go like, “that happened thousands of years ago. Like it doesn't really affect me.” And if we were to name any modern city like, you know, lamenting over the fall of Tokyo or lamenting over the fall of New York or the fall of London, I mean even saying that snaps us to attention because we can only imagine what that would…what that would do to the world and what that would be like. So, when Jerusalem fell at the time of the writing of Lamentations it would've been like any of the major cities that we just named or any of them around the world falling. So, we can try, at least, to appreciate the magnitude of the soul wrenching emotion that these poems are coming from. Jerusalem was lost and we've been…we've been reading the prophecies and the stories of that destruction, and the exile that came as a result of it. The temple of the Almighty God had been destroyed, right? Fire consumed the city, ash was thick in the air, blood was in the streets. In Hebrew, the book of Lamentations is called “eicha”, which means “how”, “how could this happen”. And we know…like…we know that it did happen. The Babylonians finally breached the wall of Jerusalem and subsequently destroyed the wall and the city, and there's plenty of archaeological evidence of this conquest that can be seen in Jerusalem even till today. How it could happen was…was largely the topic we were covering as we read through the prophecies of Jeremiah. We just concluded that yesterday. Jeremiah warned for decades of the impending doom that would befall God's people if they didn't turn from…from the trajectory that they were on. And now, here in Lamentations the prophecies have come true. This book doesn't…doesn't explicitly name its author. So, that makes things a little bit more difficult, but the traditions of the book was written by Jeremiah, which is one of the reasons why Lamentations follows Jeremiah in the Bible. But that…that's been up for debate among biblical scholars for centuries. And there's plenty of compelling theories that are in favor of Jeremiah being the author, but there's many compelling reasons why he couldn’t be the author. But there is a general consensus on one thing, whoever wrote Lamentations was probably an eyewitness to the destruction of the holy city. The Babylonians did conquer Jerusalem and they did utterly destroy Jerusalem in 586 BC. And, so, Lamentations was probably written shortly after that today. And today in the Hebrew culture, on the ninth day of Av, Lamentations is read on a day of fasting to commemorate the fall of Jerusalem and the reading of each of the poems is a backdrop for personal lamentation, personal reflection, personalizing the story in our lives. And like we said a little bit ago, nobody signs up for that. Lamenting isn’t an easy thing. Grief is hard but…but it has a way, right? It may never ever quite leave us, but it has a way of washing us clean. It whittles us down. It strips off all of the fluff until all that's left is what is true, what is bedrock, what is real. And even though it’s intensely painful it's also freeing. When we’ve gone into the depths of sadness and we’ve reached the bottom then there's hope there for the future. And lamenting helps us to not stuff things inside, and name them and give them voice. Lamenting helps give us a language for suffering and it gives us a language that acknowledges that things have changed and may never ever be the same again and that we have to let go of how it was or how we once were, and be renewed again, begin again. And we’ll find in this book of Lamentations that sort of language and we’ll find it in our own lives as we enter into the book of Lamentations. And, so, we begin. We’re reading from the Amplified Bible this week. Lamentations chapter 1 and 2.

Introduction to the letter to Philemon:

Okay. So, now we’re moving into our New Testament portion, obviously, and we’re entering into some new territory there as well and it's another personal letter from the apostle Paul, this one not a pastoral letter. This one, a personal letter to an individual person in a church. And this book or this letter or epistle is 25 verses long. So, we’ll be beginning and completing it in today's reading. And this is the final letter clearly attributed to the apostle Paul. And it probably accompanied the delivery of the letter to the Colossians, which was a congregation that Philemon was a leader in. So, our likely scenario is that Philemon was likely one of the more wealthy and influential people in the church in Colossae and according to the letter a congregation met in his home and he had a servant who was named Onesimus and this servant ran away, probably stealing from Philemon in the process, which would've been an offense punishable by death in those days. So, Onesimus probably fled to Rome with the idea of disappearing. At the same time Paul was in Rome under house arrest, awaiting trial, and in a strange twist of divine providence Onesimus came into contact with Paul and under Paul's instruction became a follower of Jesus, and after beginning to follow the Lord he served Paul's needs in Rome. So, you have Onesimus the slave being freed to move around to serve Paul and you have Paul, the Roman citizen who's been arrested for his religious convictions who is under arrest. So, sometime later Paul wrote a letter to the church in Colossae with the intention of sending Tychicus on the journey to hand deliver it, but in the process Paul also wrote a personal note that's been preserved to Philemon and sent Onesimus the runaway slave to accompany Tychicus back to his hometown and his…his master, which would've…which would've been a frighteningly large step of faith, one in which he was taking his life into his hands, but the influence of Paul in his life and watching him as he was imprisoned gave Onesimus the faith, the boldness, to leave his life in God's hands as Paul was doing and do the right thing. And this letter actually packs…packs a punch it. It shows the importance of forgiveness and shows us that no matter how much authority we have or how much power we have over someone if…if they’re a believer in Jesus then they’re a brother or a sister, part of the family of God and none of us, no matter how much we have or don't have deserve that. It's God's gift His love for us. And this little letter gives us a real-life example of how God does work things together for the good of those who love him. And, so, we begin, and we’ll read in its entirety the letter to Philemon.

Prayer:

Father we thank You for Your word and we thank You for bringing us into two new different territories in the New Testament today, but we also thank You for the closing reminder, that gossip keeps the fire burning in a bad way, in a consuming way, in a destructive way. And yet when that is removed, the fuel is taken from the fire and contention quiets down. And, so help us Father, not to be…not to be gossips, not to run around today saying things about people behind their back, even just in conversation. And help us Father, perhaps even more importantly to not be consumers of this kind of behavior, to not listen, to not participate in it, because it does no good. It gives us offenses to carry around that we don't have, and it blurs things and infects our relationships in a very negative way. So, come Holy Spirit into our words today we ask in the precious name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website, home base, and indeed where you can find out what's going on around here.

Check out the Initiatives, including the God of Your Story, a brand-new resource that has just been released that is of us and for the Daily Audio Bible and for the journey through the Bible in a year. So, check that out.

Check out the Community section in the website as well for the different links to different social media channels. And the Prayer Wall is in the Community section as well.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com also. There is a link and it lives on the homepage. So, thank you profoundly, humbly for your partnership. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a Prayer Request or comment, you can press the Hotline button in the app, the little red button up at the top or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hello Daily Audio Bible family this is a Leonora calling from the Florida Panhandle. Six years ago, I started listening to DAB. It was an awakening to God’s word like I’ve never had. It burst a closer and growing relationship with our Father. I am 35 years married to a man I love very dearly and have been unequally yoked to a nonbeliever. Five years ago, I called in asking for prayer that after my husband soon retired, I shall continue to have quiet time with our Lord and stay focused on my walk with him. Now, five years later I confess it has not been an easy path. The enemy has a field day with my husband, and I am constantly tested. I need your prayers for strength, for focus, and self-discipline. I have just retired from my nursing career and it seems even harder than ever now to stay focused and make time for our Father and I am ashamed of that. My husband is a good man, but he will not yield to a God he is so unsure of. Please Lord, give me the strength to live through You and in You and every word and deed so that I may show my husband your faithful love. May the scales drop from his eyes in Jesus’ name I pray. I love you all so very much. I listen, I cry with you and pray for you always. Thank you, dear family. This is Leonora calling from the Florida Panhandle. I love you.

I’m sitting here with a patient. I’m a psychiatrist and I’m just reaching out to the Daily Audio Bible family to pray for her suffering from depression and anxiety. It’s affecting her whole life and she’s really scared right now with the different logistical effects it’s having on her including finances and connection. So, please pray for her Daily Audio Bible family. I’m really grateful for you. Take care.

I stand at the patio door watching snow fall upon the deck, the lawn, and the bushes beyond. The lilac leaves hold the gathering flakes as cupped hands receiving a gift. No wind disturbs the downward journey. As the flakes collect upon the deck I think of a summer day when I walked in prayer during the Daily Audio Bible long walk cottonwoods cast their seeds into the air swirling in unseen eddies and gathering near buildings and curbs in great clubs resembling snowdrifts. My praise rises to our Creator. This snow may disappear within a few hours but for now a silent fall of white upon white speaks peace. Oh Lord Jesus my heart aches for those who feel no peace. I lift up my brothers and sisters for whom each day holds pain and anguish. I ask for Your provision for those seeking work and safe homes. I pray for restoration of relationships. I pray for children who have lost their way. I seek Your forgiveness for those who took the wealth of Your house and spent it on pleasure only to find themselves living among the pigs. I weep with those who mourn for loved ones, beloved pets, or the loss of a life they once knew. Show them the path to move forward. Send light on their darkness and comfort their pain. I rejoice with those who rejoice. I stand with many who wait in faith not yet seeing the result of their hope but trusting in You anyway. May Your blessing fall upon this ministry as generously as the snow. Keep us united in love across the oceans, rivers, and hills that separate us. Keep us united until all the world here’s Your word. Amen.

Hi Daily Audio Bible family this is Heather. I’ve been listening for about five years and I’ve always been too scared to call in, but I love to listen and pray with you my family all around the world. Brian, thank you for the work you do. It’s so wonderful and soothing to hear your voice and God’s word every day at the touch of a button and I love praying along with each and every one of you that calls in. And today I’m calling to ask for prayer for my family. My husband recently retired from the military and it’s been five months and it’s been hard to find a job. He’s had a few interviews and a few rejections and most of all he’s starting to lose hope. I’m not really sure of his salvation but my prayer is that not only would he find a job, but God would use this to really get a hold of his heart and show him where his true identity lies. Thank you so much for praying for our family. I love you.

Hello Daily Audio Bible my name is Melissa and I just want to clarify that our Lord is awesome and powerful and mighty and wonderful and He’s working in our lives even when we don’t know what He’s doing. Today is my birthday and I just talked with my birth father that I have never known for 50 years for the very first time. And this all came about because the Lord…I don’t know…He provided an illness in me I guess…He provided it but I had adrenal tumor and I had to go through many problems seeing doctors, psychiatrists, Prozac, and they found out…I said, “there’s something’s wrong”, God was speaking to me, He led me to see an endocrinologist and they removed my adrenal. So, I’ve been on steroids since April. So, just pray that my right adrenal will wake up. But in the meantime, I searched out my family birth history that I’ve never desired or wanted to do before, and I’ve already contacted my birth mother and my birth father, and it’s been amazing stories and an amazing 10 months. And I slip back, and I see how God has worked and He has used all this to bring about other people in my lives and to witness to them about how awesome He is and how He’s just worked in my life to do all this. I’m still struggling from how the effects of the adrenal mess with my system and the hormones but I’m working on it every day and with faith and trust in the Lord and you can do it too. Just love Him and just He’s amazing and awesome and I just pray for anybody who’s struggling, that you might not see what’s happening at the moment but you look back and I see how he’s been working His hand on me the whole time and He was there and I thank you Jesus for that. So, always keep Him in mind and look up.

Hello Daily Audio Bible family this is Amari. I’m asking for prayer for my marriage. Been in my marriage for almost 30 years. Last 10 or 15 the been really really rough on me. We’ve come back from infidelity on his behalf and we’ve been trying our best to come back from that. Our marriage…our intimate relationship is just zero. We’re the best of friends and we’re good parents and we take care of business. We just don’t have an intimate relationship. And I admit that during…out of this conflict that I even had an affair because I was trying to fill a void that I wasn’t getting for my husband. But I knew it was wrong, so I broke it off because I was trying to be what God wanted me to be. But still things haven’t changed and now I’m at a crossroads where I’m ready to give up because I want to be loved and I want to be cared for and I want to be happy. Just want the hundred percent of our marriage and not just bits and pieces. So, pray my strength and pray that God would repair our marriage because I want it from my husband…no one else. And I’ll continue to pray for you all and I thank you, Brian for this platform. God bless all of you all and continue to pray for me and thank you in advance for the prayers and God blessing me and my marriage.

[peraltasames]

she is the lighthouse in the night

Pairing: Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago

Desc: The situation is no less grim, but the important distinction is that it’s manageable. His career that he’s worked so hard for is practically crumbling, especially if the Vulture stays and he’s on desk duty for the rest of his life, but it’s not destroying him as much as it should be. Not when he gets to wake up every morning to this.

Notes: i got a request for a companion piece to addicted to your light that shows jake realizing he's in love with amy AND i've been rewatching season 3 and when my heart melted when jake tells gina amy's been trying to cheer him up and gave him a sticker for waking up so here u go friends enjoy a lot more of the dark/light theme bc it's really important to me ok

title from hearts don't break around here by ed sheeran (SUCH a jake/amy song)

Read on AO3

The first thing Jake sees when he wakes up is dark, wavy hair. Instinctively, he buries his face closer and inhales the soft lavender scent he’s grown accustomed to smelling as soon as he wakes up. His arm curls tighter around the small figure in front of him, lightly grasping the material of his dark blue t-shirt in which Amy’s still sleeping soundly.

Glancing at the alarm clock, he realizes it’s nearly noon on a Tuesday. Not that he has any place to be, of course. He’s on his ninth day of a ten day suspension, and each day has felt longer than the last.

He must be starting to fidget due to the restless anxiety that’s been consuming him for days, because he feels the warmth fade as Amy stretches out her arms and turns to face him.

“Good morning, babe,” she says with her brightest smile. He also happens to know it’s her pity smile, typically employed when talking to victims. “How are you feeling?”

Awful, he thinks. Incapable of doing the one thing he’s truly good at because his boss is an idiot. Borderline depressed.

He doesn’t want her to know all that, but he’s also terrible at lying to her, so he goes with option C: avoiding the question.

“Shouldn’t you be at work? It’s Tuesday.”

She shakes her head, her hand coming up to stroke his hair, gently running her fingers through the messy curls. “I took a sick day. I have a ton of them saved up, and I needed a break from the Vulture. Also...I wanted to spend more time with you. You’re worrying me, Jake.”

Outside of work, she hasn’t left his side (therefore, his bed) since he was suspended over a week ago. She’s come to his apartment every night, bringing him food and watching his favourite movies and holding him until she has to go to work the next morning. Not only that, but she hasn’t reprimanded him or even questioned him for disobeying his superior, a major Santiago rule violation. She’s been supporting him unconditionally, and he still hasn’t found the words to thank her.

He sighs, leaning back against the pillow while she continues to play with his hair. “I’m fine. I just hate this.” He slides his hand up to rest on her waist, pulling her a bit closer. “I hate that he’s such a dick, I hate that he’s our freaking boss, I hate that he doesn’t understand that I’m just trying to arrest a serial killer because he’s too much of an idiot to realize the facts are all right-“

He’s interrupted by warm lips against his, softly kissing him until his thoughts begin to desist and his breathing returns to a normal pace. He opens his eyes to look into her beautiful, deep brown ones, and his chest feels a little lighter.

“I know it sucks,” she says, her hand stroking his bicep now. “But it’s only one more day. And I’m sure he won’t be our captain forever. We’ll find a way to get Holt back eventually.”

Jake’s hand reaches to grab hers where it’s rests on his other arm, squeezing it tightly. He doesn’t really believe her, doesn’t see how things can ever go back to normal with Madeline Wuntch in control, but the reassuring tone of her voice is enough to soothe him, at least for the moment.

“Thanks, babe,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to her forehead. He shifts a bit and extends his arm so that she can curl up into his side. He holds her securely to him, sighing again when her arm wraps around him and her head settles into his chest.

The situation is no less grim, but the important distinction is that it’s manageable. His career that he’s worked so hard for is practically crumbling, especially if the Vulture stays and he’s on desk duty for the rest of his life, but it’s not destroying him as much as it should be. Not when he gets to wake up every morning to this.

In less than two months, a world without Amy has become unfathomable. All the fear and pain of his life before her has lessened substantially with every kiss, every touch, every shared glance across their desk at work or while curled up on the couch at night. Even in his darkest hour, there’s still a beacon of light in the form of the incredible woman that he’s fortunate enough to be able to call his girlfriend now.

He doesn’t know if there’s a name for this, but he’s pretty sure the closest he can get is love. The kind of love that makes him realize he’s never really been in love before - not so soon, not so intensely, not like this.

When dark thoughts about work and the Vulture and Wuntch begin to creep into his brain again, all he has to do is focus on the way that Amy’s holding onto him like he’s her most treasured thing in the world (she’s certainly his) and the feeling that shoots through his body like a jolt of electricity every time she presses a light kiss on his jaw or neck or chest. For a moment, the thoughts disappear again.

“Maybe you should get out for a bit today,” Amy suggests quietly after a few minutes of wordless cuddling. “I was going to get some groceries for you.” She catches him opening his mouth to cut her off and beats him to it. “I know you haven’t been eating much, but you have to. If you don’t want to go to the store, will you at least meet Gina for a drink? She called last night after you fell asleep, she’s worried about you too.”

The thought of getting out of bed and facing the day is exhausting, but the thought of her spending another day worrying about him is worse. If anything, he owes it to her to try to persevere.

“Okay,” he says with discontent, thinly veiled behind a small smile. “Will you at least shower with me?”

Her eyes lighting up as he finally throws off the comforter and climbs out of bed reluctantly, she nods her head and strides over to grab his hand, leading him to the bathroom.

He has to admit, having sex in the shower with his stupid hot girlfriend does raise his spirits. To his dismay, the high fades when he has to change into real clothes instead of crawling back into bed with her, back to the only thing keeping him sane this week.

“You look great, babe,” Amy says, pulling him into a tight hug. “Have a good day. Call me if you need anything, okay? And I’ll be here when you get home.”

His heart swelling with gratitude that he doesn’t know how to put into a coherent phrase, he kisses her slowly. Significantly shorter than him without her heels on, Amy stands on her tiptoes and wraps her arms around his neck.

“Thanks, Ames,” he manages to say afterwards. “Seriously, thank you for everything.”

“Of course, Jake, always,” she says casually and without a beat, like the word always is a natural one to throw around in a relationship this new. Maybe, just maybe, they might be on the same page about this whole thing. “Oh, I almost forgot.”

She runs across the room to her purse and returns with a tiny sticker, which she places on his shirt under his jacket. Jake lets out his first genuine laugh in days as he glances down at the sticker, a cute little cartoon of a sun with the word “super”.

“Ames, what’s this?”

“It’s for getting out of bed,” she says with a smile.

“Is this one of the stickers you give to your nephews when you help them with their math homework?”

“Maybe.”

Jake leans down to kiss her again. It’s one of those moments that are becoming increasingly more common in which he’s absolutely certain of his feelings. He thinks he’s known, at least on some subconscious level, that he’s loved her for a long time. This just happens to be the first time he fully admits it to himself.

He’s considering blurting it out right away, but his mind flashes back to a night not that long ago: the look on Sophia’s face as she said she didn’t “accidentally love him back”, the way the words made his heart feel like it was shattering. Not only for the loss of one of his first real, adult relationships, but because it was the final nail in the coffin that was his relationship with the idea of love in itself.

His dad left his mom. Sophia left him. If love couldn’t prevent any of that from happening, how could it stop him from losing Amy?

He has to wait until he’s absolutely sure that it’s mutual. He thinks he can see it sometimes - there’s a sparkle in her eye that often appears when he makes her laugh or when he says something surprisingly sincere and affectionate, and it gives him hope. Maybe someday in the near future, she’ll tell him how she feels and he’ll finally have the courage to say it back. Until then, he’ll wait.

After so long in the dark, he simply can’t afford to lose his light.

[clubgazette]

the GazettE Live Tour18 THE NINTH / PHASE #02 -ENHANCEMENT- @ SHINKIBA STUDIO COAST 2018.12.11.

When they came on stage at the start Reita pulled his forefinger across throat while staring at us.

I’m pretty close today so sorry RR centered reports

I don’t remember what song but Reita came up to the middle tachidai and Ruki leaned his face on his shoulder for a long while and smiled

Ria: Reita approached Ruki at the center platform and put his leg on it. Ruki rest his arm over Reita's leg and leaned his head so that the top of Ruki's head was against Reita's shoulder

Then during incubus (!!!) Ruki was headbanging with his left leg on his tachidai, facing towards Reita who was going really low (also headbanging). When they stopped they stared at eachother and laughed.

I missed most of sono koe bc somebody right in front of me passed out and we spent most of the song waving staff over. I must say, for as fierce the pushing is, gazegya will IMMEDIATELY help if it’s needed. We cleared space and basically all of middle front were waving for staff.  In the MC afterwards Ruki mentioned that he saw it, asked if the person is ok, and said it’s important we look after eachother. 

Disorderina: I don't know if everyone at the venue felt it but where I stood, the ground was actually shaking during THE MORTAL's heavy bass intro. It felt sick and was one of my favourite moments. The song overall is so bloody good live bc of the bass + bass drum. Each note hits your bones.

Today they faded babylon into dogma. This was done with the red lights concentrating on Ruki’s chest at the end of Babylon, but not fading. He slowly moved his arms from his chest and outwards in a T-pose which until Dogma had started.

At the beginning of Babylon (when it’s just Aoi’s guitar + Ruki), Reita gripped his throat with right hand and widened his (very piercing stare btw - white/grey contacts) eyes at us.

Kou: I'm not sure who? Maybe Uruha? But one of the members dropped a bracelet on stage. Staff were looking for it before encore, and fans in the front row pointed out that it was near the edge of the stage. The staff grabbed it, thanked them, and ran backstage.

Beast: When Ruki did the chiki-chiki-ahh Reita held his hand over his own chest and flexed his fingers like a pulse 

 Reita came up to the middle and stood rally close to Ruki, Ruki looked at him with the SWEETEST smile 😭😭😭💖💖💖 

Then Ruki went over to Aoi and did something I didn’t really catch (leant on his shoulder I think) and Aoi looked really happy 😭

Terry: At some point Uruha was at Kai’s drumset and they were headbanging agressively together and Uruha’s hair was hitting the cymbals IT WAS MARVELOUS

During the drum solo in Lucy Reita pointed his bass towards Kai like a gun, then pointed towards Ruki (who was on Uruha’s side) and nodded/gestured for him to spin AND RUKI SPUN THEN DID A RUN-UP FOR THEM TO JUMP TOGETHER 😭😭😭😭😭

Reita, Ruki and Uruha all spun during Lucy

Kou: During the encore, Aoi came over to kamite. Uruha sidled up to him and they played together. Aoi was grinning, and then Uruha poked his cheek a few times, and Aoi just BEAMED.

Also we got BOTH Linda and kantou????

Kou: Ruki was pumping us up for the "last song", and they played LINDA like we expected. Then when LINDA was over, he was like, "Can you still rage?!?!?" AND THEY SURPRISED US BY PLAYING KANTO AS THE LAST SONG.

Ria: Before Aoi's Linda solo, Reita squatted down real low and pointed and gestured at him. Aoi saw and smiled

Ria: During Kanto, Aoi came to kamite and Uruha snuck up behind him, and pressed their shoulders together. Aoi looked over at Uruha smiling, and Uruha was shaking his head/hair playfully. Then, Uruha gave Aoi's head a pat

Ruki was SO CUTE AND SMILEY 😭😭💖

Picture from staff instagram.

[tshollandlove]

request: ooF baseball!tom proposes after big game!! tagging @hollandlovely bc she’s a hoe for baseball!tom

-

when tom hit his home run in the ninth inning, the crowd goes wild. with the bases fully loaded, tom’s play lead to his team scoring four more points, sending them to the next and final round before the world series.

from her seat behind the dugout, y/n leaps out of her seat, screaming with the rest of the crowd, jumping up and down in excitement. fans behind y/n pat her on the back, recognizing the number on her jersey as their favorite player’s; along with the words ‘holland’s girl’.

she smiles brightly, proud of her boyfriend, proud to see how far he’d come; from her cheering for him at his first varsity baseball game sophomore year of college, to rooting for him six years later as he takes his team even closer to the world series. 

she looks at the large screen, amused by the blown up picture of tom and his teammates celebrating together. confused, y/n watches as the bat boy runs a microphone out onto the field, handing it to tom.

“ ‘ello everyone! now, i know we’re all extremely excited about what just happened and what’s coming, but i have something a little more important to do. can my beautiful girlfriend y/n please come down to the field?”

harrison, tom’s best mate and fellow team member opens up the barricade next to the dugout, right in front of y/n. giving harrison a confused look, she makes her way to the pitcher’s mound where tom stood. once she arrived there she threw her arms around his neck, giving him a kiss on the cheek and whispering a quick congratulations to him. tom hugs her back before taking a step away from her, turning to the crowd.

“now, for those of you who don’t know, this beautiful darling has been with me since our sophomore year of uni, that was six years ago. she has been cheering me on since day one, always being my biggest supporter. she has never missed one of my games; uni, semi-pro, major leagues; she has been there for every single one. and every day i tell her how thankful i am for that, but that’s not enough anymore.” tom turns to y/n, getting down on one knee.

“y/n, every single game you cheer for me while wearing a jersey that says ‘holland’s girl’. next season i want you to wear one that says ‘holland’s wife’. will you marry me?”

au week

[dcvereux]

* ╰    VICTORIA PEDRETTI┋have you met CLÉMENCE “EMMY” DEVEREUX ? she reminds me of a single star peeking through a cloudy sky, hesitant soft touches, a delicate golden pendant rested upon prominent collar bones, messy beds covered with half read books, windswept daisies dotted throughout a green meadow, soft velvet  bows securing wild hair,  stormy white capped seas,  internal battles that seem never ending  &  smiles hidden behind fingers. a  twenty year old ninth year hufflepuff, the intangible concept is known to be compassionate & observant, yet skeptical & reticent. that explains why they’re majoring in care of magical creatures. rumour has it, emmy is siding with the neutrals in the solemn war that blazes just beyond the horizon. 

hey, hi, hello!!! i’m bronny, i’m 22 and from new zealand ( probably one of the worst timezones but ) and i’m so excited to be here?? i’ve missed playing my daughter emmy (also goes by clém but it’s mostly her family that calls her that, they ain’t a fan of the name emmy ) and i’m so happy to be here and writing her again!!!

anyway, you’re probably not here to listen to me rambling. you’re here for my smol slytherin turned hufflepuff kiddo. i won’t list everything here though because i have a full about page for her here with a bio up ( RIGHT HERE ) that has everything you need to know about her and even though it’s long it’ll really help you understand her!!

extras: this edit is really all that matters!!! there’s also a spotify playlist but you may need to @ me for that if you want to hear it bc i’m pretty sure last time i linked it on tumblr i got hacked, rip.

BUT I’LL GIVE YOU A LITTLE INSIGHT INTO HER PERSONALITY RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW:

basically she appears to be a very optimistic and positive and lowkey just like a lil ray of sunshine and for the most part it’s who she is?? only wants the best for people and tries her hardest to not judge no matter where the person comes from or who they are??  but underneath it all she’s actually quite a conflicted and lost person??  

she’s grown up in a family that is somehow the complete opposite of her and even if she’s tried to keep a hold of who she is or at least who she wants to be, there’s no denying that there is a part of her that fits in with her family and it does come out every now and again bc listen….even if her parents love her, there’s no denying that they attempted to try and drag the more ‘slytherin’ side of her out more whenever they got the chance bc they can’t help but think she’s weak??

but when she’s upset or angry, the harder/darker side of her comes out?? she can almost do a 180 on her whole personality if something pushes her a little too far, like the light you can probably see in her features just switches off and she gets this darkness to her and will do and say whatever she needs to get herself out of the situation and she lowkey hates it. which is why she prefers to try and keep her emotions at bay the majority of time?? she kind of just needs to learn to figure out how to use that darker side of her for something good??  bc even though she feels as if she’s a true hufflepuff ( even if she still has her moments bc how can i be a hufflepuff when i have this darker side of me that would do anything to survive ), all her life she’s been brought up in a household full of slytherin’s and it’s all she’s known and quite a few of the most important people in her life are slytherin’s and all are death eaters/followers of voldemort and it pulls her bc…she’s loyal to a fault but she knows deep down she doesn’t agree with anything her family does but if she leaves them, it means she loses her family and she’s not sure if she’d be able to handle that??

basically voldemort rising and her family returning to his side makes it feel like her worst nightmare is coming true!!!! because she knows one day she’ll ended up having to decide between either the life she’d created for herself at hogwarts and abandon her family or chose her family and abandon her friends and possibly even who she truly is?? help her SHE’S JUST A TERRIFIED AND LOST KID, HELP HER BEFORE SHE DOES SOMETHING IDIOTIC ( someone just convince her to pick a side honestly ).

majoring in magizoology ( i’m just an idiot who put care of magical creatures instead of magizoology on her app ) which her parents aren’t the FONDEST of, they’d prefer if she was majoring in literally anything else and they haven’t been afraid of speaking their minds about it, but it was the first time she put her foot down for something she WANTED and she hasn’t been happier.

currently one of the neutrals but who knows what’s going to happen!!

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

any of the plots below can be expanded on or changed slightly!! so feel free to use them as a guide and we talk out any changes you’d possibly like to make!!

we come from the same side, i know you; it's always been the two of them. they were the shining light during the family gatherings and events growing up for emmy. they were the one person she could always count on no matter what and no matter how different they may appear at times they brought out the best in each other. the day emmy was sorted into hufflepuff, and them in slytherin, was something she'd been hoping and praying wouldn't happen—they were meant to be her rock and her theirs and as time went on, emmy always expected them to pull away from her like many had. but they never did. they'd always known she was different to many slytherins before they were even officially slytherins, nothing had changed for them and emmy couldn't be anymore grateful for them sticking by her side. losing them would have to be one of her worst nightmares, especially since danger has been brewing. they're the only person that truly knows her and she’d do anything for them no matter what. ( open to a slytherin )

offended that I walk the line; for all emmy’s life, they’ve been there by her side. maybe it was their families that first put them in front of each other but for the first 14 years of their lives they were deemed best friends. but the day emmy was sorted into hufflepuff was the day they began to lose each other. though emmy desperately tried to keep their friendship, it was impossible for them to wrap their heads around the fact emmy was a hufflepuff and beginning to show qualities they’d been taught to never display. with every passing year, emmy drifted further and further away from the life they were both meant to be mixed up in. it was obvious to them that emmy no longer held the same beliefs they and their families had and it’s a struggle for both of them to accept the fact that they no longer stand on the same side. ( open to a pureblood and/or slytherin )    

to help me see myself clearer; meeting them was the first step in emmy slowly beginning to turn away from everything she knows. all her life she’d been taught to be one thing, act in a certain way. but meeting them made her rethink everything. they showed her that the way she was wired, the way she was different to her family, was okay. who she was, was okay. though in return, emmy showed them that the world wasn’t just black and white. she came from a world full of darkness but she still managed to let the light in. they both taught each other something they never thought was possible, nothing is straight forward. ( open to anyone but a slytherin )

so I wait at the gates of your fortress; they are the one person that showed her what it’s like to feel loved and truly cared about. they are the most important person in her life but emmy can’t even begin to think about getting them mixed up in the nightmare that is her family. she’s done everything in her power to keep them away from her family but as the threat and danger grows emmy wanted them nowhere near the world she may eventually be dragged into when the time comes to make a decision. after a year or so of dating, emmy broke things off. she left a lot of things unsaid and hardly gave them an explanation about why she was breaking up with them. all she gave them was a “it’s for the better, trust me, you deserve so much more than what I can give you,” as she left them standing by the great lake. but she couldn’t let them go completely, they’ve stayed friends but it’s almost impossible for them to be in the same room. it’s clear the two still love each other but emmy refuses to let them put themselves in the line of fire. ( open to anyone but a slytherin and/or a pureblood )  

Emmy’s looser plot ideas can be found here!!

i’m all for plotting, so if you’re interested in any of the above plots or the looser plots on her connections page, just let me know by im-ing me ( i’m the worst, please don’t be afraid to do so, i’ll love you ) or giving this a little like!! i want to attempt to plot with you all!!! i also have discord, so if you’d rather plot there i’m up for that as well

i’m also in the process of developing another muse ( caoimhe “kiv” walsh , a northern irelander muggleborn, gryffindor order member ) but i’m making/waiting to see if anyone makes resources for the fc ( emma mackey ) i have in mind for her before i bring her on in officially!! if you’d like to know more about her...i....won’t pass up the chance to talk about my new emerging kid.

i think that’s enough rambling for now, i can’t wait to get started and write with you all and bring emmy to life again :’)

( p.s. i forgot to add, if anyone would rather plot on dis.cord, my # is bronny#0752 !! )

[17mounteens]

Long-lasting (Chan)

Request:

hi! can i request a fluffy (even angsty if u want bc im a sucker for happy endings) chan scenario where ur childhood besties w/ chan, n u develop a crush on him that lasts all the way through primary n high school, even tho they actually kinda started drifting apart in high school. he doesnt even know abt the crush!! but they get to college n she thinks hes forgotten all about her, until they see each other again n u can think of the rest~ im just rly soft for best friend + college au's (cont)

» alcohol warning!!!! drink responsibly if you’re old enough 🙏 I hope this is at least something like you expected, and there is a fair share of angstier bits ;; 💕

» If you’re using the tumblr app and can’t see the scenario, which is under a “keep reading”, please try opening the post in your phone’s internet browser (or a computer)! 💕

» 6,006 words

Your first day of kindergarten had left such a deep impression on you that you could still remember it fairly clearly. You had been almost three, and watching your mother leave had made you cry, which wasn’t exactly rare to happen there. You had stayed by the window for a long time, crying and hoping your mother would come pick you up soon, no matter how much the adults tried to kindly tell you that she would come in the afternoon.

The tears only stopped when your shoulder was tapped and you had turned around to see a boy of your age, smiling brightly.

“Come play with me. My mom left, too, but she’ll come back. Come on.”

And that was how you had met Lee Chan, your future best friend.

None of the first mornings at the kindergarten were easy for you, but Chan made them a lot better by playing with you and making it apparent that he wanted to be your friend. Playing with him made you forget about how much you missed your mother, and because you were new and you got along with him, you wanted to be his friend, too.

Both of your parents picked up on your friendship soon, whether it was because you two were always playing together whenever they picked you up or because you talked so much about each other and how you were friends at home. It didn’t take long for you two to have regular play dates, and you also invited each other to your birthday parties, where you were tightly together, too.

Simply put, you became best friends rather soon and stuck side by side throughout kindergarten and preschool, and would do so for many years to come.

Somewhere during preschool, however, you were surprised to have your mother ask you something that would have you think about everything in a new light.

“So, darling… do you like Chan?”

She had been folding the laundry and sounded casual while asking that, and you turned to look at her in surprise, putting aside the simple children’s book you were reading here and there. “He’s my best friend, of course I like him.”

Your mother had turned to look at you meaningfully, a warm smile on her lips. “I meant as more than a friend. We’ve noticed the way you look at him, and we were just wondering…”

“Who’s we?” you asked, focusing on the less important part rather than the fact that apparently you had a specific way in which you looked at Chan. Had he noticed?

“Your father and I, Chan’s mother, the preschool teacher…” your mother hummed and laughed good-humoredly when you hid your face in the nearest pillow and groaned dramatically. Putting the laundry away, she sat next to you on the couch you were lying on and stroked your back. “Honey, it’s fine, crushes come and go. It’s completely fine.”

Yeah, crushes came and went, but yours stuck with you for the next thirteen years.

After that discussion, you began thinking about it more, and realized that you may or may not have had a small crush on Chan. It was all kinds of pure and innocent - you were only six, after all - but you decided already then that you would never let him know about it.

Your friendship was more important than a flimsy crush that would eventually go away.

…

Time passed, and you and Chan were happy to be in the same class when you entered primary school. The teacher soon figured that you two should not sit next to each other unless they wanted to have you chatting throughout every lesson, but neither of you minded too much: you spent the breaks together, anyway.

As you grew older, you and Chan only got closer, although you also had your fights. Sometimes one of you would feel left out; sometimes he’d get upset after you beat him at a game; sometimes one of you just had a bad day, and sometimes there were simply misunderstandings that you solved fast and continued as though nothing had ever happened. None of the small quarrels tore you apart from each other, and instead brought the two of you closer to one another.

Even your crush on him got stronger as time passed, which wasn’t necessarily what you wanted to happen. You thought he was really cute and cool, and loved seeing him dance as he picked up interest in it. Whenever he was sick, you worried about him, and would help him with schoolwork if he wasn’t fully on track. Naturally he was also incredibly kind to you, being a good-hearted boy who thought of you as one of the most important people in his life, and it made you happy. He never left a favor unreturned, and took similar care of you as you did of him.

Still too pure to think too deep into it, you simply enjoyed the hugs you got from him and gave him, as much as they made you feel butterflies yet were simply an act of friendship to him.

It wasn’t until you entered middle school that you realized that especially with your feelings growing stronger, the one-sided nature of them would eventually hurt you: Chan was starting to get interested in people in a romantic way, and when he first whispered to you that he had a crush on someone, your heart jumped to your throat, only to sink back down when Chan told you who it was on. Naturally, you though, it was not on you.

“That’s nice,” you told him, forcing a smile to your face, and held back a deep sigh when the object of his crush walked past the two of you and you had to witness the smitten look on his face.

“It feels so nice,” Chan sighed dreamily, a serene smile on his face, and turned to you with a wide smile. “I hope you find someone you like soon, too.”

“Sure,” you managed to say despite your heart hurting and wanting to tell him that you had already liked him for seven years.

He tilted his head a little at your ingenuine tone and expression, but was soon distracted by the teacher entering the class. “I’ll talk to you again after the lesson.”

You only nodded, sighing when Chan left to his own seat, and looked at your notebook absentmindedly. Now that you knew who he liked, you couldn’t help but pay attention to how much he looked at them, and you could only wish he would look at you with such a warm, adoring gaze.

In all honesty you had known it was bound to happen sooner or later - with how many confessions he had gotten, you thought it impossible for him to not like someone eventually. For the sake of your own heart, you just hoped that he wouldn’t start dating before you got over your silly little crush.

You got your share of confessions, too, and after turning down one, you had Chan running to you. You were in ninth grade, practically counting days until the summer holidays, after which you’d enter high school.

“Why did you turn him down? He really likes you, and he’s not too bad, either, is he?” he asked, genuinely curious, and got his arm around your shoulders, which made your heart flutter.

“It’s too early to start dating,” you mumbled, avoiding Chan’s gaze, and sighed. “And besides, I like someone else.”

“He must be a lucky guy,” Chan smiled widely and squeezed your shoulder lightly. “You need to tell me who he is sometime.”

“We’ll see,” you said with a small smile, although your heart felt heavy. Even after all those years, you still weren’t ready to tell him - not when you had regular sleepovers and knew practically all of each other’s secrets. It was all too precious to be ruined: by the age of fifteen, you had some knowledge on the possible outcomes of confessing to your friend, and you didn’t want to take chances.

By the time you finally entered high school, you were officially smitten for Chan. Your cheeks would heat up in his presence a lot, and you were getting more and more conscious over the fact that he was attractive and that you really wanted to kiss him.

He had yet to notice anything, and by then you were in too deep to say anything about your crush, either, and instead swallowed any and all bitter feelings inside of you when he found a girl he liked, then loved, and eventually started dating.

Up until then you had been inseparably close, and even when he started dating the girl, you remained fairly close, although you could also feel him growing more distant as he began spending more time with her and less with you, which you also partially blamed on yourself. With the bitter emotions storming inside of you, there had been a few occasions where you had let jealousy have the best of you and had given him a bit of a cold shoulder, which you regretted.

It all lasted for a few months, during which you had gotten closer with your friends in one of the after school clubs you took part in, until one afternoon you saw Chan waiting at the door of the classroom your club was in. Frowning, you grabbed your bag and walked to the door.

“What’s up?” you asked in concern as the two of you began walking home, and Chan remained oddly quiet.

“She broke up with me,” he then said, his eyes aimed at the ground. Your heart dropped at the sight and knowledge, and you pouted a little as Chan sighed, a small, sad smile on his face.

“You’ll be fine,” you said and got your arm around his shoulders, holding him close to you. “You’re so sweet and kind and so cool when you dance; I’m sure there’ll be someone else.”

Sighing, Chan nodded. “I hope you’re right.”

For a few months you got closer again as you helped him mend his broken heart, but eventually, especially during the second year of high school, the two of you began truly drifting apart.

Chan got more active in the dance club, which took a lot of his time, as well as got much closer to the people in it. Adding a new girlfriend to that, there wasn’t too much time for you, although both of you tried to stay close for as long as you could. However, once you started spending more and more time with your other friends, too, it started to feel natural to talk less and less.

For some time you two would still text regularly and talk at school every now and then, but gradually throughout the school year, the two of you went from best friends to near strangers. You were in different classes for your last year of high school, and hardly talked at all during it.

By the summer you hardly even greeted each other, and it tore your heart apart just as much as it did to see him kiss his girlfriend at your graduation with the brightest smile on his face.

Your parents had also taken note of him not coming over, as opposed to him coming over at least once a week for whatever reason, and you had told them with a pained expression that you two weren’t talking anymore.

That summer, both your parents and friends made sure you had a great time, and you found yourself hardly even thinking about Chan with all the trips you went on and great things you did with your friends.

You could only hope college would be good to you, too.

…

Unfortunately you were painfully aware about the fact that Chan would be going to the same college as you, but you found solace in thinking that he’d probably have forgotten about you, as well as the fact that the college had so many students that bumping into him out of all people seemed unlikely.

Once you had first gotten to campus, you got settled in your room, which you were fortunate enough to share with someone you clicked with fairly well, and sighed as you looked out of your window. Your roommate tilted their head.

“Something on your mind?” they asked and got their counterpane out of one of their boxes so that they could put it on their bed.

You pouted a little and turned to look at your roommate. “Just… it’s not too likely to meet someone from your past when there’s so many of us here, right?”

They raised their eyebrows before shrugging with a small smile. “I want to say it isn’t, but the universe has twisted ways.”

“That’s true,” you sighed, slumping your shoulders as you sat down on your bed. “I just want to have a peaceful freshman year.”

Your roommate snorted, at which you pouted.

“Good luck with that.”

Not much later, you were called out for the beginning of orientation, and you decided to stick together at first, although you both had some of your friends from high school join you rather soon. There were a few quicker informative lectures about the college, how it worked and so on, and a few hours later you were more than ready to retreat back to your room with some pamphlets and flyers in your arms.

“Is there still something?” you asked with a sigh, and one of your high school friends hummed as they looked at the timetable.

“A lecture on student services, I think,” they said, and you held back a groan.

Before you were able to say anything else, you heard your name be called.

“Y/N?”

Chills ran down your spine as your feet stopped moving, and your friends turned to look at you in surprise. Slowly, you turned to look at the direction where the familiar voice came from, although it was lower than you remembered.

And there he was: Lee Chan, looking confused and wearing a pair of round glasses that made him all the more adorable.

“Chan..?” you asked with a tilt of your head, frowning, and felt your heart jump to your throat when he melted into a wide smile that left no room for misunderstanding: it was Chan. Turning to your friends, you smiled a little. “I’ll come soon. Save me a seat, okay?”

With that, you walked to Chan, all kinds of emotions storming inside of you: disappointment over how things had gone between the two of you, surprise to see him on the very first day of orientation, happiness over seeing him after a long time, and… something warm in your chest over how lovely his smile still was.

“I saw you were going to enroll here, but I didn’t expect to see you, at least so soon,” Chan said brightly, and you nodded with a small, awkward smile on your face.

“Me neither,” you noted and took a deep breath. “So… how are you and Minkyung?”

His face fell momentarily, but the smile reappeared on his face soon. “Ah, we broke up over the summer. It wasn’t working.”

“I see,” you nodded, trying to ignore the way your heart seemed to flutter with some dumb hope.

“What about you? Anything new?” Chan inquired, and you wished you had something interesting to tell him, such as having a hot boyfriend or having done something cool over the summer or just anything.

And yet. “Nothing, really. Same old, same old.”

Chan smiled at you. “Well, now that we’re in college I’m sure there’ll be something. And also… do you want to catch up sometime? Like, properly, over coffee or something?”

“Uh, sure,” you said, slightly dumbfounded as to where it was all coming from, and got a bright smile from him.

“I think we need to go now, but I’ll message you about it later,” he stated and you could only nod as you then began walking to the auditorium your next lecture would be in. Chan stole glances at you, worrying his lower lip between his teeth; he was next to his childhood friend who was once his best friend, yet you now felt like a stranger, and he blamed it on himself. “So… did you have a nice summer?”

“I did, actually,” you said, your smile becoming more genuine and happy as you recalled all the great memories you had made during the few months you had had free. “I travelled quite a bit, and just… did a lot of things, you know.”

“I think I saw some of the photos, yeah,” Chan hummed and gave you a warm smile. “I’m glad you had a good time.”

“I hope you did, too,” you said right when you reached the auditorium door, which was where you parted your ways as Chan left to look for people he knew and you located your friends, too.

Your roommate nudged you as soon as you had sat down next to them. “Was that the someone from the past?”

“Yeah,” you whispered, trying to calm down your rapidly beating heart.

“Is he your ex or something?” they asked, and you nearly choked on your spit.

“God, no. We… used to be best friends and I used to like him for a long time, it’s a long story,” you mumbled and let out a deep sigh. Your roommate nodded in understanding, and before the person at the very front of the auditorium began talking, told you that they’d be willing to listen if you ever wanted to talk about it.

A few hours later you were finally back to your room, and upon checking your phone, noticed a message from Chan where he asked you if you wanted to grab coffee the next day. Although skeptical, you found yourself agreeing, and so the next day you made your way to one of the cafés on campus, spotting Chan by the door of it.

“Good to see you,” he smiled when he spotted you, and you smiled once you finally reached him.

“Yeah,” you said with a nod, and without further ado suggested that you enter the café.

The two of you looked at the menu carefully, and Chan asked you what you were getting. When you answered, he chuckled and looked at you brightly. “Some things don’t change. I remember you getting that pretty much all the time.”

“Why change the order when you’ve found something you like,” you said with a soft chuckle, and Chan agreed. Much to your amusement he ordered his old favorite, too, and soon you were both seated by one of the window tables.

Meeting up with him was just as awkward as you had feared it would be, yet also oddly comfortable. While you hadn’t talked in almost a year, it felt like hardly any time had passed since you last spoke. It was weird and it made you both happy and sad, knowing that you had missed almost a year of time with him.

Almost a year without your best friend.

You caught up pretty extensively and talked about your shared memories, all of which made you feel nostalgic, and for a moment it felt like you were with the 3-year-old you had once become friends with - only, you were both 16 years older.

A few hours later, the two of you walked back to your dorms, talking cheerfully as you did so. When you reached your dorm, Chan turned to you.

“I know I kinda… blew it in high school, but would you like to start seeing more again?” he asked, seemingly hopeful yet nervous about your reply. The next words he practically blurted out. “I really miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” you mumbled, hardly able to keep a pout off your face, and without thinking about it too much - thinking about your feelings too much - you nodded. “I think it’d be nice to reconnect.”

Even if it meant awakening the warm feelings that were already starting to arise in your chest whenever you saw him smile.

“Great,” Chan grinned at you, and gave you a friendly hug. “Well, I’ll see you around, then.”

“Yeah, see you,” you smiled and watched him leave as he continued walking down the road until he reached his dorm. Sighing, you entered yours and made your way to your room, thinking about the decision you had just made.

All you could do was hope you wouldn’t regret it.

After that you and Chan saw each other regularly, regaining the close friendship you once shared, little by little. You were a bit worried to realize that with that, all the adoration and love you felt for him were brought back, too, but you didn’t know how to stop it, and finding someone else didn’t feel right, either, as much as your roommate promised to work as some sort of a matchmaker for you.

No, you’d figure it out yourself eventually.

Time passed, and towards the end of the first semester you and Chan were more or less best friends again, although you were still trying to mend what had been lost and broken between the two of you. You spent a lot of time together and supported each other during whatever slumps occurred, and also went to most of the events and parties together, sometimes with one or two other friends, too.

It made you smile how you got to see him in such new situations: falling asleep on his book in the library, witnessing him dancing wildly at a party after one too many drinks, sneaking him to your dorm room after he had gotten locked out of his own for a reason you weren’t sure you even wanted to know… you treasured every bit of it, and Chan felt the same way about you.

Shortly put, you were both more than happy to be back in each other’s lives.

As the spring semester came near, Chan invited you to yet another party, which felt particularly tempting due to how annoyingly strong your crush on him was getting once again. Sleeping had gotten difficult because you thought about him so much, and you found yourself thinking about him more and more, too, and not completely platonically, either. With how much you wanted to do all kinds of romantic things with him and have him treasure you, you concluded that you were in need of a drink and letting loose; you were in need of forgetting, if only for one night.

As per usual, the two of you went to the party together, and Chan raised his eyebrows when you went directly to the drinks.

“Planning to get wasted today?” he asked jokingly when you poured a drink for yourself, and you nodded determinedly once you raised the cup to your lips.

“Damn straight,” you said with a smile, not in the least correcting Chan when he assumed that the reason lied in the nearing new semester, which only knew stress, deadlines and lacking sleep.

“Good thing you have me taking care of you,” he chuckled and got himself a drink, too and you agreed with him.

Much to your joy the party was incredibly pleasant. You had a good time and were actually able to forget about your feelings for Chan for a moment, and you found out that the party wasn’t too bad even when you were separated from him for a while. You talked with people you hadn’t spoken with before, danced a little and all that, all the while Chan talked with some people, too, while making sure you were okay and not getting into any kind of trouble.

Some hours into the party, Chan blinked in surprise when you suddenly got your arm around his shoulders and leaned against him, your breath smelling faintly of the alcohol you still had in your cup as well as in your body. A smile spread to his lips, and he got his arm around you, too, providing you support. “What’s up?”

“I have to tell you something,” you began with a giggle that he could tell was more hollow than it was meant to be. He raised his eyebrows, and you grinned at him, although it didn’t reach your eyes. “It’s a funny story, really.”

“What is it?” he asked, one of his eyebrows quirked, completely unaware of what you were about to say.

You let out a deep sigh, your face falling a little at that. “I used to have a huge crush on you for a loooong time, you know?”

Chan’s eyes widened and his lips parted in surprise, and he was unable to say anything as his heart jumped to his throat.

“You never noticed it… Maybe I hid it so well? It was funny, honestly… Being your best friend when I just really… loved you,” you said, your words sounding a bit messy, and Chan listened intently, his expression darkening a little when you went on. “All the girls you dated… your broken heart that I had to help you heal…”

“Y/N, stop,” Chan managed to say at last and pulled you a bit closer to him so that he could hug you with one arm. You sighed again, closing your eyes and leaning into him, hardly remembering the cup in your hand.

“You’ve still got such a warm hug,” you sighed, breathing in his scent, and there was something in the situation added to the alcohol in your blood that made you emotional. Sniffling, you took a hold of the back of Chan’s sweater. “...I want to go home.”

As much as he was enjoying the party, his heart was hurting seeing you like that, especially after hearing what you had said, so he nodded without hesitation. “Let’s go.”

Chan walked you to your dorm room and made sure you got to bed well, but when he was about to leave, you took his hand into yours.

“Don’t leave me again,” you mumbled, your eyes already closed, and Chan pouted a little, rubbing the back of your hand gently.

“Do you want me to stay over?” he asked, and you let out a noise he could only take as a positive answer, especially when it was joined with a nod from you.

You let go of his hand and got into a comfortable position under your blanket, and soon you had him lying down next to you, keeping a safe space between the two of you. Chan sighed as he looked at you, a put on his face, and stroked your arm slowly through the blanket you had over yourself.

“I’ve made you go through a lot, haven’t I?” he asked rhetorically, his voice small, and smiled a little with a sad hint to it. “I’ll try to make up for it. I’m sorry.”

The next morning you, much to your own surprise, woke up with Chan by your side. You frowned, trying to remember what had happened the previous night, but it was all so blurry and the headache was killing you, so all you could do was hope you hadn’t said or done anything dumb, although being in your own bed fully clothed gave you a lot of hope.

Somewhat able to scramble over Chan, you got out of bed and into the bathroom, taking note of the empty bed of your roommate’s on the way. Figuring that they’d gotten some other place to sleep at the night before, you instead focused on how the night had been for you while brushing your teeth and washing your face.

Clearly you had been with Chan the whole evening, which wasn’t much of a surprise since you were close again, but besides that it all was a blur. Only your gut feeling told you that there was a good reason for him to have slept next to you.

Even after you had freshened up a little, you remained seated on your toilet, trying to will your body to feel less nauseous while also avoiding having to talk with Chan, who you hoped was still sleeping.

Your hopes turned into dust when you could hear a knock on the bathroom door, followed by a low, groggy voice. “Y/N, are you okay?”

“Y-yeah, just give me a second,” you rushed to answer, and you hated the way your heart was hammering in your chest. As if you weren’t feeling bad enough already.

“Okay,” Chan replied, after which you figured he left the door.

Sighing, you massaged your temples. Whether it was the hangover or just a general arising of old emotions, you suddenly felt as much like a mess as you had in high school when you were trying to deal with the unrequited feelings you held for the boy that was now sitting on your bed.

“I’m stronger now,” you mumbled to yourself and finally stood up and got out of the bathroom, building up your courage so that you could look at Chan and actually talk with him.

He smiled up at you, his hair a bit of a mess. “Good morning.”

“Morning,” you mumbled with a small smile, too, and leaned against the wall next to the bathroom door. Clearing your throat, you began fiddling with the hem of the shirt you were wearing. “So… what happened last night?”

You could see Chan’s expression change for a moment before he sighed and gave you a soft yet sad smile. “You kind of… opened up, I guess.”

Feeling your eyes widen, you then winced and covered your face with your hand. “About..?”

Chan pouted and stood up so that he could walk to you. “About you, me, us… I had no idea you liked me.”

Your heart felt like it could’ve burst out of anxiety, and breathing felt challenging, too. Chan looked at you in concern and slowly placed his hands on your shoulders, only pulling you into a hug when you didn’t show a sign of not wanting it.

“It’s really nothing,” you mumbled, clinging onto Chan as you hid your face in his shoulder. Tears were stinging in your eyes, and a part of you hated just how comforting his hug was, even as you braced yourself for yet another rejection, this time a direct one.

“It’s not nothing,” Chan said, audibly pouting, and stroked your back soothingly. “I could tell you’ve been hurting, you know. And I’m sorry. For that, and for letting us drift apart, and…”

“It takes two to drift apart,” you reminded him with a sniffle, and got a quiet hum from him.

“I guess. I just… I never wanted to hurt you,” he whispered, holding you close as he sighed. “I’m sorry for being blind.”

Holding the back of his sweater in your fists, you shook your head. “It’s fine, I was doing my best to hide it anyway… I played myself.”

“I didn’t mean that,” Chan said quietly, and you slowly lifted your face, looking at him with a small frown, your eyes glistening with tears. He gave you a small, sad smile and dried some of the tears from your cheeks with his thumbs. “I’ve been blind to my own feelings.”

Unable to say anything, all you could do was stare into his eyes as you tried to figure out if he was saying what you thought he was saying, and you could hear your heartbeat.

Melting into a wide smile, Chan caressed your cheeks. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot recently, Y/N, and I think I…”

“Don’t say it if you don’t mean it,” you whispered, your eyes watering with fresh tears, and Chan shook his head, his eyes glistening a little, too.

“...like you. I like you.”

His voice was so steady and his gaze was so warm that your knees nearly gave in, and you weren’t sure if you still believed your ears.

Lee Chan, who you had liked since preschool, liked you?

A smile spread to your lips as you sniffled and placed your hands on top of his on your cheeks. “Really? Even though I’m… me? Despite all the unflattering situations you’ve seen me in?”

“Because you’re you,” Chan laughed, the grin on his face widening at your latter remark. “Besides, most of those unflattering situations were in kindergarten.”

“My point exactly,” you choked out and let out a quiet laugh. “We’ve known each other for so long, it’s crazy.”

“Maybe that’s why I’m crazy about you,” Chan blurted out and blushed a little. “I mean--”

“Smooth,” you smiled at him, and Chan held back a groan before looking into your eyes shyly, lowering his hands from your cheeks and taking your hands into his.

“How do you feel about me now, though?” he asked quietly, biting on his lower lip as he waited for your reply.

“Right now you’re not helping my hangover, but,” you began, taking a break as you grinned widely, “I still like you, you dummy.”

Chan let out a sigh of relief and hugged you tightly, only to pull back soon afterwards. “You’re hungover?”

“Yep,” you nodded with a meek smile, and got a chuckle from Chan.

“Get in bed, I’ll go grab us something to eat and be right back.”

You did just that and watched him curiously as he put his jacket on and turned to look at you with a bright smile on his face before leaving your room.

There was comfort in the knowledge that he would be back, and once he did return, the two of you ate eagerly, after which you talked a little about how you felt about each other and how you would continue.

Little by little your relationship grew more romantic in nature - neither of you rushed anything, and instead let it all happen naturally as days passed. You’d start holding hands, hug more, cuddle…

And, a few weeks later, you shared your first kiss, which was everything yet nothing like you had imagined, but only in a good way.

You had been on your bed, you with one of your coursebooks on your lap and Chan was playing a video game on his portable console, and after finishing another stage, he had turned to you, about to ask something. You had turned to him at the same time, and your lips brushed against each other’s, which made your eyes widen.

Melting into a smile, you had then placed your hand on his leg and given him a proper kiss, to which he replied with a similar wide, happy smile, cupping your cheek with his hand.

Slowly, you pulled back, the brightest smile on your face. “So, what were you about to say?”

“I forgot,” Chan snorted, and you gave him a gentle nudge, at which he laughed.

Whatever he was about to ask you never came back to him, but instead you shared a few more light kisses before attempting to focus on what you were doing again, which proved out to be impossible to the point where you ushered Chan out of your room, laughing.

“I’ll leave with one condition,” he said with a laugh when he was standing in the hallway and you were by your door.

Quirking your eyebrow knowingly, you grinned. “One more kiss?”

“Exactly,” Chan smiled and pulled you in for a kiss that nearly had you melting and reconsidering your decision to study rather than spend time with him - only the importance of the course helped you remain strong.

Meanwhile, Chan left with a grin on his face, and once you returned to your bed, you were met with two messages showing on your phone screen.

14:02 I could tell you wanted me to stay. Study well, I won’t kiss you again unless your exam goes well! 14:03 ...We both know that’s a lie, but I still want you to do well! I love you 💕

Admin Scooter

[animeheadspace]

TARA I GOT A NEW UPDATE!!

Ok so, about the other guy that I was talking about b4. Sadly, we didn't have our call so I texted him and then I found out that he deleted snapchat so that's why he didn't get my call 💀 and later he told me again that I could literally call him at anytime. So I asked him if I could call him rn or whenever I'm walking home from school or sumn and he told me yeah. He said that if I ever called he'd answer as long as he's not busy 😊 So I'm prolly gonna call him tmrw.

Other than that, my team had another game and I had to miss our last game and this one too bcs I hurt my arm (I'm barely in pain, my mom just won't let me play). So, I decided that I was just gonna watch and cheer for my team instead and I was like the loudest one there 💀 At some point, I literally started barking 🐶 Sadly, our team lost tho but that's alright bcs they did a really good job BUT this is the important part. Meanwhile, the game was going on, I noticed there was a dude at the back who was collecting the ball and watching the line and stuff and when he wasn't doing that, he was playing around with his friend on the court. His receives and spikes were so good, he also kinda cute 😩 So, when the games were over, I walked over to him and told him that his spikes were great cause I was feelin bold 😈 and he smiled at me and said thank you.

AND right after I did that, my friends were talking over each other about how I was such a simp for talking to him and said I was eyeing him down and ISTG I didn't but they say otherwise 💀 So, since the games were done, we had to wait until our taxis arrived to pick us up. When out of nowhere, my friends started talking about how I should've got his socials and I was gonna do it but I got a little shy 😭 and our taxi came so I had to go AND as soon as it arrived, I noticed him but I couldn't turn back to ask for his insta 😪 BUT one of my friends did it for me 🤸🏾‍♀️ I didn't even ask her to (I gave her a kiss on the cheek after)

So, now I'm talking to him and he's a really nice dude. Our conversations aren't awkward or anything, which I'm happy about. The shocking part is that he's 18 💀 istg he had to be like 16 at the most but nah he's 2 years older than me. He mentioned that my friend was shocked to find out that he was 18 and that her reaction made him laugh 😌 he also said that someone mistook him as a ninth grader once LMAO

Anyways, that was my day 😩

OMG TOO MANY THINGS J HAPPENED LMAO

TELL ME IF U CALLED THE FIRST GUY TODAYYYY I WANNA KNOW he seems so sweet awww

IM GLAD UR MOM DIDNT LET U PLAY EVEN I DONT WANT UR ARM TO GET HURT WORSE

i cannot believe u went and told him his spikes were good bc I DO NOT HAVE THAT KIND OF COURAGE LIKE?? GO YOU

okay imo older boys >> SIMPLY bc they are so much more mature but be careful ‼️‼️ low key ive seen a lot of relationships end bc someone has to go off to college sooner :( IM NOT SAYING THIS IS GONNA HAPPEN TO U BUT JUST BE CAREFUL!! as long as your internal radar isnt going off, the fact thay ur having such smooth conversations is SO ADORABLE AND SUCH A GOOD SIGN FOR THE FUTURE.

bestie u have so many options, im almost jealous fr fr hehehehe but j dont feel the pressure to commit!! feel them out, and if they like u make them wait just because 😈😈

cant wait until next update, stay safe 💕💕