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vizthedatum · 5 months ago

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Evolving and learning while being poly

I saw this comic by Nina Mutik this morning:

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And yeah... I've been on both sides of this poly situation, and I *do not* like it.

When I started to seriously practice polyamory, I didn't intend to do it to "escape" parts of my relationship with my partner at the time (even though that relationship was toxic and abusive). I genuinely loved my other partner and wanted a relationship with them. However, I will admit that I eventually started dating and hooking up with other people to seek the "love" and respect I wasn't getting from either of those relationships. That was a low move on my part - it wasn't respectful to me, and it only enabled poor relationship behavior within my partnerships. It was bad polyamory, in my opinion.

I've also been the "other lover" where I didn't realize I was a pawn in some weird emotional game... with people who were identifying as poly! I felt really hurt and confused. (and yes, I know there are various forms of polyamory, and I'm not going to get into that now)

I want to (and am attempting to) do better now.

I truly believe in people, relationships, and, more importantly, in my worth (I deserve respect). I'd rather not be involved with someone who's using me like this or use someone like this (whether or not it's intentional).