#nighttime walking is spending time in another world

[runningthegalaxies]

Nighttime Walking Is Spending Time In Another World by Running The Galaxies

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Am I the only one who thinks that walking at night looks much different than walking during the day? What about you? I think walking at night is like being transported to another world. 

There are so many sorrows of this busy life that we live that we forget how beautiful the natural world is whether it is day time or night time. Yes, there is beautiful plantlife all around me, but walking at night, though… When family is cozied up inside their home and I am outside, there is something about the atmosphere that changes.

I walk along the sidewalk in my converse shoes, jeans and T-shirt. Every house and pathway looks alien now. There are lights on at different angles, most of them come from the front of homes and the remaining few come from the street lights. Normally, I am afraid of bad people popping out of the thin air of the darkness, but not tonight. This night, every twinkle of a light and the setup of the front of the houses on either side of the street bring me a joy I can’t shake.

I wonder things like, why would my life be like if life was different? What if I could have this kind of house or that kind of house and was able to turn it into a magical land of my own? What if I walked through the night forever before the morning came? What if my imagination running wild would come true if all I did was stare into the dimly lit darkness?

When reality overshadowed these thoughts and daydreams, that thing was like killer bees striking at my heart. I couldn’t bear to let these small moments get smashed into pieces. I shake reality aside and keep walking. Until I know my walk has to come to an end at some point, of course. I can’t stop myself from pausing at a distance away from my shelter where I’d soon open the door and re-enter reality. I savored the sight of the dimly lit night with a stretch of my arms, and then went inside, where I slept for the rest of the night. 

[georgiapeach30513]

Two Good Reasons, Part 11

Summary: Christmas time is here

Pairings: Andy Barber X Reader

Rating: mature

Warnings:  language, Scott, Audrey 🥺, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 8.4K

Previous

Series Masterlist

*Divides created by @firefly-graphics

Audrey groans softly as she opens her eyes. Leaning over her brother, she keeps her face close to his, until she feels his breath brush over her skin. The little girl lays a hand on his stomach, counting his breaths before she rolls to the other side. Panting with how long she had held her own breath. Another bad dream. A dream of her brother not breathing.

Her fingers reach toward her iPad Mini before she drops her back on the bed. She leans over to check the floor for monsters before reaching towards the iPad again. Deciding it’s best to keep her hands safe under the covers while she stares longingly at the tablet. Daring herself to either be brave enough to walk out of this bedroom to get her mommy or brave enough to just pick up the iPad.

—

Ransom’s hands cling to the bed as he hoists his hips back into the girl. She was good enough to fuck, but would never be good enough to have a decent conversation with. It beat spending another holiday alone. He drives his hips deeper into her before he looks towards the bedside table. His phone lighting up with the cutest little picture of the sweetest little girl. A smile spreads over his face, until he realizes the time.

Scrabbling off her, despite her protests he picks up the phone, and walks himself into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He answers the call quickly, trying to catch his breath, “Audi, baby, what are you doing awake?”

“I had a bad dream,” her voice sounds as wrecked as a five year old’s voice could. Deep circles pocket under her eyes with her lack of sleep since her party.

“The same one about Suede?” She nods her head, and Ransom could barely see it in the dark room. He sighs, “Have you told your parents?”

“Daddy won’t call me,” his head leans back as he looks up at the ceiling. Scrounging around for some pants to put on, and get this girl the hell out of his house. He’d buy a fucking airplane ticket to Michigan if he had to. He wasn’t supposed to like kids. But now he’s invested, and he wants to kick Scott Huffman’s ass. In court. Legally of course.

“What about your mom and Andy?” Audrey shrugs, looking down. Her eyes open up quickly, trying to avoid falling asleep.

“I don’t want to bother them,” so instead she calls Ransom in the middle of the night, and stays on call with him until she feels comfortable enough to fall back asleep, “Mommy got in a fight with aunt Morgan. She had to take her outside.”

“I’m sure your mom gave her a mouthful,” Audrey shrugs, looking behind her at her brother before flipping to her back. “You’re sharing a bed with your brother?”

“Uh huh. I sneak into his bedroom sometimes to make sure he’s breathing. But uncle Ryan’s bed isn’t like my princess bed. It’s lumpy and smells like a boy.”

“Sweetheart, we really need to tell your mom and Andy about your nighttime habits. I can’t help you like they can,” she sighs, and holds her hand over her brother’s mouth the same way she’s seen you do. Counting his breaths again before he offers a pitiful smile, “Is he breathing?”

“Yeah-huh. Do you think I’ll become a lawyer one day?” One thing about a five year old, they can change the subjects of conversation quickly.

“I think if that’s what you really want, yeah. You’ve got the best people in the world to help you,” but what every adult in her life wants her to do is to be a damn kid. But the one adult she wanted attention from, she wasn’t getting it. So now becoming a lawyer is the most important thing.

“Daddy won’t help me though,” she looks off to the side before back at the screen, “Did I do something wrong?” he starts taking a mental stock of every time that he wants to punch Scott on Audrey’s behalf. He’ll behave and start at one.

“No, Audi, you did nothing wrong. I think your daddy is still very scared about what happened.”

“What about me?” He barely can the tears start to well in her eyes, but the break in her voice is enough. “I’m scared, too.” That deserves at least one hundred punches.

“I know. And your daddy is a big man that should know better. We adults suck, you know?” She nods her head, trying to give him a smile. “Well, what else have you done since being there?”

“Me and mommy had a mani/pedi. My fingernails are pink,” her voice starts to get more animated, and she giggles. Holding a hand over her mouth, trying to quiet it. “And I got glitter on them. My dad — Andy said that they look just like a princess.”

“Youd,” the little toddler groans beside his sister. A kid that needed his sleep.

“Suede, buddy, are we being too loud?”

“Chess. Me seep. Oo youd,” Ransom gives a smile to the little boy that flops over to the other side. His body wiggles a bit, until the blanket is nearly over his face, but he wouldn’t be asleep for long. If Audrey was with Suede when she called Ransom, this is always the routine.

“I think my giggles woke him up.”

“I’m sure they did. Are you going to buy me a Christmas present while you’re there?” She smiles, nodding her head. “It’s going to be bigger than the plane, isn’t it?”

—

Andy pets around your belly, while you’re in the middle of dozing off, and staying awake to keep feeling him. He isn’t even snuggling you as much as he’s cradling your stomach. “Doe, it’s late, go to sleep, honey.”

“I’m enjoying you,” enjoying feeling more loved and worshiped than you’ve ever felt. Elated that you are the one giving Andy the family he’s craved. No one would ever love you like Andy, and no one would love Andy like you.

“You’re going to continue to enjoy me for many months. Go to sleep,” your eyes droop down for a bit longer, and you take comfort in his warmth. His protective hold over you and the unborn child in your belly. He’d proven more times than not his protection extended to Audrey and Suede as well.

It’s like everything is finally fitting in a pretty little puzzle. Just the way that you have always wanted it. You start to drift, until you hear the sweetest little giggle, “Andy?”

“Shh,” you think you’re falling asleep again before you hear two cute little giggles. “Is that?”

“What are those two up,” you sit up in the bed, but Andy playfully pushes you back on the bed. “Excuse you.”

“Let me go check on them,” he is not serious. If it wasn’t for his playful smile, you’d have already stubbed up.

“No,” you stubbornly answer, sitting back up again, and slinging your feet off the side of the bed. “If they’re giggling that means they’re having fun. And it’s vacation, so if they’re having fun, I want to join in with them,” grinning wildly, he stands up, extending a hand towards you, and you tiptoe out of your childhood bedroom, and walk towards Ryan’s.

It isn’t until you get closer that you hear a man’s voice. Not just any man either. But the endearing part is it’s a little conversation with all three of them. You could stand and listen to them having their moment. Their safe space. You open the door, and are followed by Andy. “Hey, mommy.”

“Hi, mama. Uck Ann, my mama and daddy!”

“Hey, Andy. Hey, Doe. Don’t be mad. I, uh, I called them because I couldn’t sleep,” you get closer to the mini, and frown at him. He didn’t call. He is doing a great job of keeping the camera higher, but he was topless. So the question then becomes, why did Audrey call?

“Did they pull you away from an — engagement?” You ask with a smirk.

“Nothing important. Audi?” you look towards your daughter before glancing behind you at Andy.

“I have nightmares, and call Uncle Ann. He doesn’t care. He just gets me to laugh, and I fall back to sleep,” your daughter has nightmares, and she doesn’t seek you out. She finds someone else. You don’t want to cause a scene right now in the middle of the night, but you want to know what she’s dreaming about. And while you’re happy that she feels comfort from Ransom, it hurts that she didn’t try and find it with you.

“I’m glad you could find someone to talk to,” Andy says, walking behind you, and his arm wraps around your waist. His hand resting on your barely swollen belly. “Ran, are they bothering you?”

“Nah. They’re just giggle boxes right now. Suede was asleep,” was. So the call woke him up. “Audi says that you’re buying me an airplane for Christmas.”

“Nu-uh, you said that my gift was going to be bigger than the airplane, I didn’t say that about yours. Mommy his nose is getting bigger,” the true joy you see in her eyes, melts your heart. Despite all that she’s been through, and is still going through, she has managed to keep her beautiful smile. Even the sweet little bantering between her and Ransom. But you’re still jealous.

“Did he now? Ran, I don’t know if we can do that.”

“Chess. Big big ruck!”

“A truck?” Ransom snarls.

“Chess! Big um!” Ransom’s nose crinkles as he tries to tell Suede he would not be driving a truck. “Chess!”

“Shh, buddy,” Andy blurts in. Audrey keeps moving the iPad to point at whoever is talking, and she lets that mini tablet capture Andy’s awkward hold on your stomach, while he addresses the kids, “We should really let Ransom get back to his — plans, and get back to sleep.”

“The plan has already left,” he smiles, hoping that Andy sees his eyes flicking down to see his hold on you. He knew that his partner wouldn’t be able to stop touching you once you got pregnant. If he liked Scott, he’d pity him. Andy will now have this innate need to protect you and the kids even more. People have yet to see how ruthless Andy can be for his family. “It’s not a big deal.”

“And then, we’re going to sneak into the kitchen for hot chocolate, and Audi and Suedey are going to come into the bedroom with us for a Christmas movie,” both kids get excited, wiggling around, but Ransom sticks his tongue out at Andy. Is he now jealous that you're taking time away from him? Did you just find a trustworthy babysitter? “And when we get back, we’ll make sure to invite Ransom and ’a plan’ to have a Christmas dinner and movie at home, okay?”

“I can live with that. But there’s only one ‘plan’ that I would take to your house, and meet the kids. And her name starts with a Tay and ends in a Tum,” Audrey turns the iPad to look at him, questioningly, and gasps, “Bye, cuties. I look forward to hearing everything that has happened while you’ve been gone, and movie night. Yay!” The video ends abruptly, and Audrey looks up at you and Andy with her brows furrowed.

“He doesn’t have plans with Miss Tatum yet.”

“Yet?” You ask her, and she puts both hands on her hips as she gets out of the bed with her princess nightgown, followed by Suede. “What do you mean yet?”

“He told me that he would do a book read in class for Christmas. That is his plans with Miss Tatum,” oh she sounds grumpy. First crushes are hard, especially when this crush could never happen.

“I’m sure he just misspoke, baby. Come on. Andy makes the best hot chocolate you’ve ever had, okay?” Suede is already sassy walking towards Andy with his arms outstretched for him. “You need to wipe that moody look off your face.”

“Why would Uncle Ann bring Miss Tatum to our house?” She stomps her foot. Sass you expect from Suede, but never her. She’s entitled every now and then of course. But it’s extremely out of character.

“The bigger question is why Uncle Ann even said that,” Andy mumbles, starting to walk out the door with Suede.

Kneeling down, you look at Audrey’s sweet face. Brushing some baby hairs back, “Would it bother you if he did?”

“Well, if he did, would that mean I can’t sit in his lap?” Oh no. “I don’t want her to sit too close to him.”

“Why not?” You don’t want to giggle at this. But you wonder if she’s going to tell you why she doesn’t want Miss Tatum close to Ransom.

“I am his girl,” there it is. “Not Miss Tatum. His only plan is to read a book in class. And I get to sit in his lap.”

“You’re right, baby. And in the daylight, we’ll make sure to tell Ransom not to be telling fibs, okay?” She gives you a single nod, and almost marches towards the bedroom door. Little girls' first crushes usually are someone that is kind to them. But having your five year old be jealous of her teacher is not something you were able to be prepared for.

But you didn’t want to think about it. You want hot chocolate with your family. You want to snuggle up all in the bed together. You want to stare at Andy as he watches over all of you. Watch Suede starfish out as much as he can, while Audrey tries to touch every person in the bed in some way. She just didn’t know she would also be touching another member of the family.

“Suedey, go potty before we take sissy to school,” Suede may blow out a puff of air, staring up at the ceiling, but he also bops off to his and Audrey’s shared bathroom, and you turn to look at Andy looming in the doorway. “What?” You ask, standing up, and going to check on Audrey.

“If you’re that nervous about a babysitter, we can take Suede with us,” you shake your head no as you walk up to him. Giving him a chaste kiss. “You’re not nervous about a babysitter?”

“What’s there to be nervous about? You’re going to be with me. And she is going to be at the office so Sloane and Ransom can make sure that our baby is being taken care of. Do you think that making her watch him at your office was the best idea?” Of course he doesn’t care. Andy said that’s what was going to happen, and that’s just how it was going to be. Suede was at the office enough to know his space. Know that under Sloane’s desk was an okay spot. Know that if Ransom didn’t have a client, he could be in there with him. But more importantly, the sitter couldn’t be alone with Chris.

“If it means that his mama can be at ease at her doctor’s appointment then yes,” you give him a little kiss, heading towards Audrey’s room. She needed to wrap a present for Miss Tatum by herself. You peek your head into her beautiful princess room. She never asked for anything, but she wanted the giant pink canopy bed, and Andy made sure that she had gotten it. It’s still one of her prized possessions.

“Do you think this is pretty enough?” Her nose crinkles up as she turns the wrapped gift around. It wasn’t the best. “It’s not very pretty like yours.”

“I think it’s beautiful. And I think Miss Tatum will love it,” she sighs, looking up at you as you join her at her tea table. “What is it?”

“Can I just stay with Uncle Ann?” You shake your head no. “Why not? Suede gets to.”

“And mommy gets a little bit scared when Suede isn’t with her,” she crosses her arms over her chest, looking towards her bed. The very bed that she asks you to help her make every morning so she can pile her stuffed animals on it.

“I get scared when he’s not with me, too.”

“I know you do, baby. We’ll have to slowly start trusting other people with him. But your job as a five year old is to go to school. Have fun with your friends, and other classmates. And tonight we’re decorating the gingerbread houses. And it won’t be long until Christmas. And,” she pushes her chair out from the table. Brushing down her jumper she grabs her school cardigan from her bed, and brings it to you. “Are you mad?”

“No,” her voice is a bit short as you put the cardigan on her though. “Can dad — daddy make hot chocolate tonight, too?”

“Yes, he can,” you’re proud of her for trying to figure out the most comfortable name to call Andy. It changed constantly. Sometimes Andy still popped out, but recently it seemed to go between dad and daddy.

“Can Uncle Ann make gingerbread houses with us?”

“We can ask him,” if he wasn’t busy that man would probably buy all the gingerbread house kits he can find and show up. He never can tell Audrey no.

“And he can’t invite Miss Tatum, okay?”

“Okay,” she holds out a pinky towards you, “I pinky promise Uncle Ann won’t invite Miss Tatum tonight for gingerbread houses,” you aren’t sure what Ransom’s plans are with the teacher. If he’s going to read in Audrey’s classes for brownie points, or if he truly enjoys it. You didn’t know, and you didn’t want to know. Ransom’s private life was his.

“I’m ready to go to school now!” All worries are washed away as your sweet girl jumps up from the pinky promise with a smile. The joys of being a five year old. She had deep feelings, but she still had her many joys in life. And you still had many annoyances with trying to get in touch with her father.

Fuck Scott for ever acting like he wanted full custody of your children. He has missed three weeks with them. Three weeks of not seeing their faces, or hearing their voices. Three weeks of not asking how his son was doing, but how his daughter was feeling! Three weeks without your children sounds like a lifetime.

This is the difference between you and Scott. You wanted him to spend time with his children, even if it meant more time away from you. You wanted them to have a relationship with their father. You wanted him to step up for Suede. You wanted him to treat Audrey like the little girl that she is. And all he cared about was trying to get one over on you.

He used custody as a weapon against you. He wanted you to suffer because he needed you to pay for his transgressions. These three weeks away from their dad, without any word, showed you that he didn’t even truly care about either of them. It makes you sick to your stomach that he can so callously walk away from his flesh and blood. When a man who didn’t even have kids wanted to call them every night. It is Ransom who Audrey turns to with her nightmares, not her own father. Or you. You still haven’t got over that.

“Alright everyone!” Andy shouts from the bottom of the stairs. “The train needs to head out of the station,” Audrey gives you a little giggle as she grabs her gift for Miss Tatum. It’s a bit early, but she has been excited to give it to her. And now, to check on the little Barber bean in your belly. After you get both kids situated.

Taking a deep breath, you look around you and know no matter what this baby will be loved and cared for. Andy would never let three weeks go by without needing to see or hear from Audrey and Suede, and now another one. Andy didn’t even like the weekends the kids were gone. It’s why he implemented naked Saturdays. Saying seeing your tits was the only way he didn’t feel like something was missing.

He wanted to talk to them when they were with Scott. Needed to hear their voices, and see their little faces. And the man that wanted a third child with you could go three weeks with nothing. He claimed your lack of providing him with a third child was one of the reasons that he cheated. That your behavior after Suede made him fall out of love with you. Pig. Of all the ways he’s flawed, when it comes to being a father, it’s his biggest downfall.

“So,” your doctor begins as he roots around for the baby. Of course the pregnancy test was positive. You’d tested enough without Andy’s knowledge just to be sure. Nearly a daily reminder to prove you weren’t dreaming, you were pregnant. You couldn’t get over seeing the two pink lines, the word pregnant, and whatever colorful array of tests that said you were pregnant. “How far along do we think we are?”

“She’s probably about two and half months,” leave it to your fiance to know roughly the length at which you’re pregnant. He knew these things. He’d been paying attention when you were trying to ignore what your body was telling you. You couldn’t get pregnant. It’s what your old doctor told you. Andy agreed with you, he didn’t want you to see that doctor. Except the petty part of him wanted to go back just to say, ‘You were wrong.’

“Well,” he says looking at the monitor, and you grip Andy’s hand tighter. He squints his eyes, and then looks towards you. And then looks back at the monitor. There is no denying what you see. It’s clear as day, right there, “Umm…”

“The baby is okay?” Andy asks, looking at the monitor, and slightly shaking his head with confusion. He didn’t see anything. Nothing but blobs.

“Is there two?” you screech. Andy’s grip on your hand now matches your own when the doctor nods. “But they’re in different sacs,” you’ve been here before, you know what sacs are. Know the what two means. They’re not identical. You could have a boy and a girl! You could have two boys, or two girls.

“Not just different sacs.”

“I really do not see two. What…oh,” you’re so thankful to be looking at Andy when the Doppler picks up the heartbeats. His face immediately changes at the sound. He looks so calm hearing a steady heartbeat, and a less loud one in the background. His eyes go misty as he leans to kiss your temple without removing his sight from the monitor, “Can we talk about what’s happening. That’s their heartbeat?”

“Yes, Mr. Barber. But…you were told you couldn’t have any more children?” Maybe you should make an appointment to see the doctor, after the babies are born.

“Yeah.”

“You weren’t given a true explanation as to why?” You shake your head no. It was complicated. He said there were several factors at play. Your uterus was shaped wrong. There was scaring. You were old. You may have PCOS. “I mean there’s some scarring, you said that your son’s birth was difficult?” You nod your head. A ball of anger starts forming in your gut, and you’re not sure why. “Hmm,” that’s all he says. Hmm.

“What does that mean?” You ask, starting to get agitated. Your uterus has always been a big conversation with some people, and clearly it works just fine. But your uterus, your business. Now you just have mixed emotions. Would it not be for the two beautiful beans growing in you now, you might be raging.

“I mean it would have made conceiving difficult, but not impossible with viable sperm,” you snort. “I did not make a comment about your ex’s sperm. Here’s the biggest issue we currently have,” you didn’t like the sound of that as he starts to clean up. You kind of liked seeing and hearing the babies. It gives you calmness while talking about something you hate. Even though you’re struggling to wrap your head around babies. Two.

“Is there actually three?” Poor Andy is in shock, and not saying anything, he just stares at the now blank monitor.

“No,” the doctor answers shortly. He rolls his chair away from you, and picks up your file. “Baby B seems to be growing a bit slower pace, or…”

“Baby B was conceived after Baby A?” You ask, and he nods his head. He wipes his brows as he looks towards you, “What are you suggesting?”

“This isn’t uncommon mind you. I know you said your periods were irregular, and there is the scarring. There’s a few concerns. You’re older, you’re starting off at a disadvantage. Multiples are high risk anyways. I want you to take things easy. There will most likely come a time you will be on bed rest if you want healthy babies, and I’m assuming that you do. I will not sugar coat this. The babies can be fine, but stress…”

You hear what he’s saying without saying it. Stress. You’re a mother of two, you’re going through a divorce with an asshat, your baby daddy won’t call his kids, you have emergency sole custody of Suede, now you’re finding out that you’re having twins and one is possibly much younger than the other. Stress is no big thing. Completely stress free life here.

“I get it. Stress is next to impossible. But I need this to be a very valiant effort. But both babies have a great heartbeat. Both are growing well, despite Baby B at a bit of a disadvantage. And I’m going to urge you to think about this being the last pregnancy,” you nod without question. Two more babies is more than enough. You’ll get fixed, Andy could, you didn’t care. You didn’t need another.

Now onto more things. Divorce finalized, and custody dealt with.

“We need to keep the pregnancy as much from Scott as possible,” you didn’t care if Scott knew or didn’t know. It didn’t matter either way.

“Is there a reason why?” Andy’s hand on your thigh squeezes you slightly. “So what are you not telling me?”

“We need the divorce finalized before you start showing,” you would have liked the divorce finalized a month ago. “Umm, he could contest the pregnancy.”

“Excuse me?” There is no contesting. The twins were yours and Andy’s. He can’t force you to do shit.

“Legally you’re married to him.”

“And physically I’m with you. The doctor said no stress, but this is stressing me out. Can you just spill it?” He’s trying to protect you. But in terms of your children, you didn’t care right now.

“He’s enough of an asshole that if he found out that you are pregnant, he would demand a DNA test while you’re pregnant. He’ll want me to be legitimized to be a dick,” you’re still not fully understanding. “Legally those are his children. Our twins.”

“No,” tears prickle your eyes. Not tears of sadness, but pure rage. “No. No, they are our babies.”

“Legally they are his. I don’t doubt what a DNA test would say about either baby. But if we can avoid that it would be more ideal,” Scott would be the asshole that would make a mockery of yours and Andy’s relationship. “We shouldn’t tell the kids until after the divorce. Not that he is calling to see or talk to either, but still.”

“Why is he not calling her back? I’m getting tired of lying to my baby. But I won’t have us speak ill of Scott, she’ll figure it out all on her own. But she’s a confused child right now. Can — is there anything legally I can do?” So many thoughts and question run through your mind. Scott could contest the pregnancy. He could say whatever he wanted in court to put doubt in a judge’s mind. He could say infidelity happened.

“It can be brought up during the custody hearing. I just don’t know if it’ll make a difference. Scott knew he screwed up, and he’s continuing to screw up and doesn’t know how to stop it. They’ll be fine,” you aren’t worried about Suede, he doesn’t even talk about Scott. He is young enough to accept the man with him daily is his dad.

“So we can’t say anything to the kids, we need to keep the pregnancy on the downlow, I’m currently at risk and need to have no stress while my stress is piling up. Andy, I just want to be divorced. I’ll give you whatever type of wedding you want, but I want divorced, and I just want to be your wife. I want you to have custody of Audrey and Suede in case something happens,” his hand tightens on your thigh again. “I need to know that if anything happens to me their dad will take care of them, not their father. This is the responsible part of being adults; thinking about the hard stuff.”

“I know. And we’ll do whatever we have to. Just promise me that you’ll keep the babies safe,” that isn’t something that needs to be discussed, it just is what you will do. What you’ll do for your family. You want Christmas to be a pleasant one. You want Scott to put his big boy pants on, and you want him to be a fucking adult for once.

Uncontested little prick. Andy knew that Scott was operating on a low moral scale, but contacting Ray to just inform him that he would sign divorce papers uncontested was something Andy couldn’t predict. He knew that you had the ammunition to smear him and his good name. He agreed to the terms of child support. Agreed to you having full custody, but wanted to go back to every other weekend with Audrey. Just Audrey.

Your eyes glazed over as Ray told you all this information. Hitting you like a blast of cold wind when he got to the end. It’s not that you want Scott to have Suede, it's the fact he could easily throw him away. You should have known. You allowed your son to be around him for too long.

It’s bittersweet hearing your ex wanted to sign away his rights. The one thing that was never mentioned was alimony. Ray advised you to proceed with getting some money, but you didn’t fucking care. You’d be marrying Andy anyways, and wouldn’t receive it. Scott folded over under pressure.

You know that Andy is wanting you to do something more by his pacing around the house tonight. He doesn’t like you’re not getting alimony. He doesn’t like that he wants Audrey, and not Suede. He doesn’t like that you aren’t doing more. “You know I just want to make sure they're safe.”

“You have the power to do that,” he answers with a bit of anger in his voice. “You should get alimony for putting up with that prick. I don’t know why you’re agreeing to his terms. You’re making it too easy for him.”

“Or I’m thinking of how this speeds things up. Scott wants to sign away all of his rights for Suede, giving you the ability to adopt him. I don’t need alimony when I want to immediately marry you, and it’ll go away anyways. Do you see him having children with anyone else?” Andy sighs. “I actually wonder if the asshole got snipped, and he’s the reason I couldn’t get pregnant. He just made me believe I was the issue in the family,” you heard the doctor loud and clear. It’s stuck in your head. Something you can’t prove, and won’t try, but it’s made you wonder if all this time it was always Scott.

Andy sits down at the bar, while you stuff a loaf of sourdough back in the oven. His fingers make odd circles on the counter. “You think I’m making a mistake?”

“I think you’re thinking too rationally, and in the end it makes sense. But I also want him to pay,” you just want him to disappear. “Has he even called you? Asked about his golden child?”

“No,” you answer shortly. Circling around the counter, you lean against Andy, letting him cup your belly. He gives you a kiss to your temple, holding his mouth there while you listen to your babies giggling and laughing in the playroom. “He’s a coward, and probably won’t do anything until after Christmas anyways. I still have full custody. You heard Ray, I get the say so on holidays. It’s because he doesn’t want her to cramp his style.”

“He’s a damn sperm donor. I don’t see how he just kept spiraling,” plain and simple, he wanted to own you. He was realizing he couldn’t, and then he made a grave mistake with Suede, and his reputation was put on the line.

“Well, according to Sloane, his ego has been hit,” Andy’s brow cocks up as he looks at you questioningly. Sloane always gets the best gossip in the courthouse. “Taylor, well, she has this thing with fucking men that don’t belong to her.”

“What?” He smiles, getting excited to learn that Scott was the one cheated on.

“She’s cute. And doesn’t have a job. He was working late, and she found her a young man to fuck in Scott’s bed,” you don’t want to rejoice at his bad luck. But it does serve him right. “She was too young for him, and lets be honest, she doesn’t need kids right now.”

“So where does that leave them?”

“Well, she did show up at his office, and told him it would never happen again,” Andy snorts, and rubs on your belly. He couldn’t feel anything, and neither could you. But the bump is becoming more noticeable. Clothes are struggling to hide the babies growing there. “So it seems that she’s back at the house with him. But it’s not about love, it’ll be about finding someone with more money.”

“But he knows that she doesn’t have a problem with cheating,” you shrug. You didn’t care anymore. She was Scott’s problem. Maybe if he wasn’t so concerned with parenting an adult, he might be better a parent to his daughter. “I just can’t sit and think about him giving Suede up.”

“I know. And I’m both amazed, and pissed off that you can do that,” you know it bothers him. But Scott fighting for Suede would be worse. It’s like he knew deep down he could not give Suede the care that he needed for health reasons. He didn’t want that responsibility, and you would always be there over his shoulder with him. “Are you angry with me for thinking you’re crazy?”

“No. Because you’re looking at this as being Suede’s dad. You can’t fathom why a man would give up their rights to their child. Could throw him away without thinking about it. You’re thinking like someone that loves Suede, because you do.”

“I also think he’s giving you what you want,” he definitely was. He knew that it would be hard for you to let things go back to how they were with Suede. It’s possible you could have enforced monitored visitation for Suede’s safety.

“And I don’t care about his reasons. I am done trying to figure out Scott Huffman. I’m done trying to appease him. I can’t think about if this is a grand scheme of anything because I know that our son will be safer without him in the picture, and Suede Barber sounds nice.”

Andy gives a sighing chuckle as you start to get off him. “I like the way that sounds. So what do you think the babies are?”

“Healthy,” you already have one of each, so it doesn't really matter. You wanted healthy babies.

“And how is Christmas going again?” Neither of you have family in the area, so it will be Christmas at home with the kids in the morning. Just you and your little family.

“Uncle Ann is coming by for Christmas brunch, and,” you walk backwards away from Andy with a smile. Going to check on the bread.

“And? You’re being very coy and secretive,” he pulls you into him, pressing himself up against you in a not so innocent way. But the kids can be heard, and they aren’t anywhere near you. “Doe?”

“Miss Tatum couldn’t get a flight back home, and she’s alone, so she’s coming here,” Andy looks at you confused, and it’s so sweet how clueless he can be. “Ransom has a crush on her.”

“And Audrey has a crush on Ransom.”

“A bit of an oversight, but it can never happen. Ransom can, however, date this cute little teacher at Audrey’s school. He goes there to read books,” Andy shakes his head no. Oh, he really is clueless. “He’s been there three times. Once was to read How the Grinch Stole Christmas.”

“Ransom Drysdale went to a Pre-K class to read books for what reason?”

“Andy!” He is so dense right now. “He is trying to impress Miss Tatum. He wants to see her, and how else would he see her?”

“She’s a teacher,” he reminds you. Rolling your eyes you take out the Dutch oven, and smile at him. “I don’t think I’m following.”

“He wants to see her, and impress her, so he goes to her classroom, and shows that he can deal with sticky hands. And he wants to make it clear that you’re not his partner,” Andy’s face goes flat as he stares at you.

”I shouldn’t have told you that,” giggling, you pull him into you.

“I’m really glad that you did. You and Ransom make a very handsome couple,” he leans to the side, blowing a raspberry on your neck. “Make sure to invite me to the wedding.”

“Is dinner ready? I’m getting tired of your attitude. I think I should punish you later,” emphasizing his baseless threat with a swat to your bum, “Audi, Sued, dinner is ready!”

“No, it’s not!”

“You little,” playfully he grits his teeth, and nibbles on your neck. His hands squeezing your ass as Suede runs in, giving Andy’s finger a pinch. “Suedey!”

“Dada, no, my mama! Mama! Mama!”

“Come here, buddy,” you’re able to snake out of Andy’s arms, and pull your baby up, getting a stern look from Andy. “Do not tell me not to pick my son up.”

“I just want…”

“Picking up my children was not on my list of don’t’s. And I will hold them, and if I’m told I can’t, we’ll deal with that then, okay?” He gives you a nod. You know he worries about you, about the babies. He’ll help out how he can, you know that. But not being able to pick up your kids just isn’t an option for you. You need them.

“Is dinner really not ready,” he pouts at you, leaning in to give both you and Suede a kiss.

“It is. And, you know what tomorrow is!”

“SANA! Uck Ann. Peesants and baby,” his legs wiggle around, and you stare at Andy with your mouth gaping. What was that last part? You can’t bring it to Suede’s attention, or he could go blabbing to everyone else.

“You told Suede Ransom was going to be here?” Andy focuses on that part more than ‘baby’ being said.

“Uck Ann. Chess. Me yike Uck Ann. Dow, mama. Dow der,” you put him down, and take a long breath. Saying a silent prayer that Scott could find it in his heart to call his daughter. If you didn’t have Andy in Suede’s life, you would feel like a failure to him. He has someone. But how Scott could ever throw a little precious boy like Suede away is shocking to you.

But is it worse that he wants Audrey enough, but doesn’t want to call her? See her? It just didn’t make sense. Didn’t add up. You know that Andy wouldn’t do that. He would fight to see both the kids, and they weren’t born from him. You’d chosen the wrong man, and deep down, you knew it. But you got the right kids. The best kids.

Ones that are now surrounded by so many people that love them. You are making it work out here away from family. Growing a village, and everyone is happier because of it. Even though Ransom wasn’t happy about the plan for you to fade out of work, but you and Andy decided as a unit that it was best if you slowly weaned your hours down to nothing.

Ransom might not be the biggest fan of that idea, but he couldn’t argue much. You volunteered to do some work from home. Help him out as much as possible. You’d already made him change his mind about children at the office. Suede was easily entertained, and entertained himself well. You just couldn’t let his health be in someone else’s hands right now. You weren’t ready.

Now, onto Christmas Eve, and Christmas.

“Uck Ann, and yoys, and mama, and dada, and Audi, and yots a yoys, and tees, and mine dog, and…” Ransom’s eyes just keep getting larger the more that Suede jabbers about that morning. Ransom gave the morning to your family, but the moment he walked in after cleanup, Suede and Audrey attacked. They were not expecting him, nor expecting him to spend the night.

“Audi, can you translate for me?” He asks, smiling at the little boy, and giving him some rib tickles.

“He had a good Christmas,” she covers her mouth, giggling. They both did. So far, Audrey hadn’t even mentioned Scott. His loss. She very may well later. But she is too much into her feels about new toys, and decor for her bedroom, and now Uncle Ann to care. At bedtime, it was sure to be different.

“Chess. Mine yoys in for. Oo pay me,” Suede points to the wide array of toys in the living room floor. You’re just relaxed with Andy the giant chair of his, enjoying the sight. Before toys had to be strictly cleaned up and put away, and never brought out into the living room. What is the fun in that? This living room is big enough that they had a little nook for additional toys that didn’t fit in their play room.

The fireplace was on, and you soak up Christmas morning. Even more, Andy’s joy of having a Christmas he always dreamed of. The both of you sat in the floor with the kids, opening up presents with them. Then opened up boxes, added batteries, built the race track for Suede. You enjoyed the time with your kids.

“He wants you to play in the floor with us,” Audrey nods. It’s what she is wanting to. If she had it her way she’d probably spend her time sitting in his lap, and getting him to play baby dolls with her.

“Chess,” Suede does one solid nod, and points to the living room. “In der wi us.”

“Can I sit in your lap? Suede likes to get up and move too much,” he responds with a chess, still pointing in the living room. “Please?” Your little needy, sneaky girl.

“Of course,” she giggles again as Ransom carries both of them into the area with you and Andy. Such a lazy Christmas today. The kids have been in the living room with their toys all day, you’ve had a Yule log on the television, and the fireplace on, while you snuggled with Andy, watching the kids play, or playing with them.

“Hey Ran,” you smile up at him, and Andy rubs over your belly, getting an eye roll from Ransom. Apparently, he’d been ragging on Andy for being able to knock you up, while ‘Scoot’ and his limp dick couldn’t

“How the babies?” You cringe, looking up at Ransom. You hadn’t told him. The divorce is official final, but it just was never the right time.

“Mine otay. Chess. Yots a toys!” Suede answers, because he is the baby.

“What babies?” Audrey looks at you accusatory as you gawk at Ransom. “Like me and Suedey are your babies?”

“Me no babE! Me ig boy,” Suede’s brows furrow at his sister. You take a deep breath, trying to think if this is the wrong time. Christmas should be about their happiness with being kids. You’ve already signed the divorce papers. You agreed to Scott’s terms. You allowed him to belittle you over and over again to keep the peace. You deserved to have this family. And they deserved to know.

“Doe,” Andy’s voice is reassuring, and not pressuring at all. He’s always let you lead things when it comes to the children. But you want him to have say as well. He’s earned it. You gulp staring at Audrey who continues to just look at you. Miss Tatum will be coming, and Audrey is already jealous of Ransom’s attention. Would she feel like you are replacing her?

“I got a new baby doll for Christmas. And she looks real,” oh sweet girl. “Is that what you mean?” Audrey twiddles her fingers, as Suede swings his legs, silently asking for Ransom to set him down, and he does.

“I’m sorry,” he says, still holding onto your sweet girl. “I thought…”

“Audrey,” your voice cracks looking at her sweet face. The little girl that made you a mom. The one that has been so strong, and yet is still your baby. The one that calls Andy’s partner to tell him about her nightmares. She’s suffered through so much, and you don’t want this to hurt her, but you wouldn’t change it.

“Honey, Andy and I have a big surprise for you.”

“More yoys?” You shake your head no, at Suede, and he returns to his playing. He didn’t care about anything but more presents.

Audrey looks at your belly with glassy eyes. Andy’s hand is still splayed over it. She’s so smart. Too smart some days. And then her mouth turns up into the biggest smile, “Babies?” She is going to be okay.

“Uh huh. Two of them,” letting her work through the emotions, you just smile up at her.

“Twins!” She screeches, causing Ransom to grimace holding his ear, and he lowers her to the floor, and she bounds towards you. Crawling up into your lap, and kisses your neck. You melt into her touch. Hugging her back, and kissing all over her cheeks. “But daddy said you can’t have babies,” daddy shouldn’t be talking to her at all.

“But mommy can,” Andy says proudly, kissing both of you. “Mommy can have two at once.”

“NaNa my daddy,” Suede sings, connecting the magnetized blocks together. He’s taking it well. Still just worried about NaNa being his daddy. He’d eventually figure out there are babies in your belly, and then there are babies in his home.

“So Suedey is going to be a big brother!” She covers her mouth again giggling. “Can I name one?” You smile, pushing her hair back as her hand joins Andy’s on your belly. Giggling when she feels the growing bump.

“As long as it’s not Princess Peach or Bubbles,” her sweet nose scrunches up, shaking her head at Andy. “Maybe Princess Banana Hammock.”

“I was thinking Aubrey,” she says so sweetly. Something to match her.

“We don’t even know what we’re having, just that there’s three,” her hand stops right above your belly button, and both of you lock eyes for a moment. She felt it, too. Of course your sensitive girl would feel the small flutters. Or just knew that you could. Or it was all in her head. Children’s perceptions are strange.

“You’re sure? Can we put a third in there?”

“I’m sure, and two is enough” you answer. Turning towards Andy you nod your head, and he reaches over to his wallet. He digs through it before pulling out the photos of the ultrasound. “See, this is baby A, and that is baby B.”

“That is a blob. What is that?” She asks, squinting at the photos. “These are not babies. Are they going to look like that when they’re born? That’s terrifying.”

“No,” Andy chuckles, giving her another kiss to her head. “Oh,” he looks at Ransom with a smile as the doorbell rings. “Ran, can you answer the door?” He smiles, putting the photo back in his wallet. Realizing now he can have the ultrasound on display with the family photo. And soon a family photo with your bump. And then photos with all four kids.

“Is it Santa?” Audrey claps her hands, jumping up to cling to Ransom as she follows him out of the living room.

“Sanna! More yoys! Yots a yoys,” both kids run with Ransom to the front door, but you just look at Andy for a moment. Creating new traditions for Christmas. A village unfolding and hopefully no tantrums with Miss Tatum joining you for dinner. There is the couch if she wants to stay, but Ransom better give her the guest bedroom.

“That went better than I thought,” Andy yawns, and brings you practically in his lap. His hand goes up underneath the oversized sweatshirt. He didn’t have to hide anything anymore. You are carrying his babies. And he’d shout it to the moon.

“Now, let’s hope that Audrey does well with this,” you agree. Let’s hope this goes well. She did have such big changes happening.

“Miss Tatum!” Audrey screams, and two sets of feet start jumping up and down, and Ransom says absolutely nothing. “Can I show you my room?”

“Mine yoys. Mine Uck Ann. Mine mama. Mine daddy.”

“Hey, Ransom,” you know that voice. At least Ransom’s crush is reciprocated. That can be your gift to him this Christmas. “I brought a cookie box, and some fudge.”

“My Ike tookies!”

“Ands, everything is okay,” he shushes you, and gives you a chaste kiss. “I’m not sleepy,” you are. You’re very sleepy. And cozy, and comfortable.

“Say hey to Miss Tatum, I’ll offer coffee for everyone, and make hot chocolate for the kids if they want it, and we’ll play a movie. You can sleep right on here with me during the movie, okay, little deer?” You nod as you start to stand up. Better yet, let you make the coffee, he make the hot chocolate, and you get a cookie and be a cordial houseguest. Nap can come later.

Christmas just got so much sweeter.

Next

Masterlist

Taglist: @tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @pono-pura-vida @peaches1958 @seitmai

@smile1318 @andydrysdalerogers @cjand10 @midnightramyeoncravings @kmc1989

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[suljaffs]

Nanami Dabble - Surprise Dinner / fluff

Warning: this may not be that good it was just a random brain fart I wanted to write about sighfhfghfgfhhh

It was 11:30 pm. The apartment was dim with a scenic nighttime view, a couple of your vanilla candles around the dining room to set an ambiance with a somewhat nice layout of food: Mac and cheese, fries, pizza rolls, and even home made heart shaped cookies for desert. “He should be getting home any time now.” You thought, stepping back to view your creation in full. Your body tense with excitement waiting for the door to swing open.

Nanami always came home at late hours, leaving at the crack of dawn, entering while you slept. It bothered you not being able to spend much time with your lover but you never held it against him because you understood his job was hard, draining even, and you wanted nothing other than to provide a safe space for your husband. Today, you decided to do something for him. For the longest, you two have postponed plans of going to dinner because of work. The two of you could’ve just gotten in the kitchen but he wanted it to be a day where the two of you could simply relax. At first, it seemed like a good idea but with each date night turning into “I don’t have enough time after work.” And lots of cancellations on reservations because of last minute work issues, You decided to take matters into your own hands and what better than a quick at home dinner?

“That carpet fragrance is quiet strong.” Hearing not only his voice but also the lock hitch and the knob shuffle, you pulled out your phone to take a quick picture before ducking under the table, snickering to yourself.

Nanami creeped the door open, he was always careful as to not wake you up. “My.. love?” He stopped in his tracks, tucking his lips as he watched you come up from under the table, a small smile creeping its way on his face as he watched you bump your head in the process. “Su-ouch-prise!” You jumped up, a big smile on your face despite your minor injury. He softly shut the door behind him, keeping his body turned towards the closed door, back facing you. “Don’t tell me you’re going soft on me big boy.” You snickered, making your way over to him. “I just wanted to do something special but in all honesty, it’s not my best work.” You dismissed your hard work, but you hadn’t known what else to say to ease the moment.

“It’s perfect my love.” He turned to you, two tear trails visible on his face. Seeing him cry wasn’t crazy to you as he had been a softie: that time when you said yes to being his girlfriend in high school and even that time when a cute squirrel approached him on your guys walk through the park. You took a hand to his face, drying his tears as his head hung low. “It’s all for you.” You cooed. “Now come eat. I only really had time to actually cook the Mac and cheese so you better appreciate my hard work.” You teased, untying his tie which you know he would hate to get dirty. He took your hand before you could walk over to the table. “You make me feel like the luckiest man in the world, y/n.” He whispered before planting a deep kiss on your hand, another tear dropping.

He guided you to the table, seating you before seating himself. “I thought the smell was that carpet fragrance got you, never would’ve expected it to be this…” Nanami looked around the table, a nod of approval. “oh how I love you.” He whispered. The night was full of giggles, conversations of work, and old memories between you two like the times when he thought it wasn’t obvious he had a crush on you, when you rejected him because you didn’t know him well enough, and most importantly the cute moments you two shared every now and then.

As the time ticked close to 1, you two had wrapped up dinner, he had taken him a shower, and you two decided** to reside yourselves in bed for the night. For once in a long time, you two were finally going to sleep at the same time again and it wasn’t just him cuddling you when you were already asleep. This time, it was you who was big spoon. Playing with his blonde strands as his head rested in your chest, you couldn’t help but to sniff him. He smelt of tréseme hair conditioner but you had no issue with it because it was him… his smell.

[grlsbstshot]

Join us for the next chapter of NEON LIGHTS premiering sat.

(Don’t miss updates every Wednesday & Saturday for NEON LIGHTS, an original character fanfic. Chapters & Special Extras found on the masterlist. ) Until then...here's a special edition. saturday's will be insane. Word Count: 2.4k Warnings: smut (18+) -- just a lil dash of p in v

INSTAGRAM OFFICIAL? James Lucas & Imani continue love affair online

By Stephanie Soft

Los Angeles, CA – James Lucas, Grammy-winning singer-songwriter known for his soulful ballads and enigmatic charm, sent fans into a frenzy late in the evening when he posted a series of photos featuring none other than his former flame, Imani

The couple, who have recently been spotted together in Rome, have been fueling reconciliation rumors for weeks. Now, it seems Jameson is ready to confirm the speculation in the most public way possible. The Instagram post, which has already amassed over two million likes within hours, has no caption but features a carousel of candid and intimate shots of the two.

The first photo captures Imani laughing in the golden light of a Roman sunset. Other photos in the post show the pair enjoying a romantic dinner al fresco, walking side by side through cobblestone streets, and even sharing a playful moment as Lucas feeds Imani gelato. One particularly swoon-worthy nighttime snapshot features a view from a luxurious Roman hotel room -- a sign that the two are spending their nights in close quarters.

Fans quickly took to the comments section, with many expressing their excitement about the potential reunion. “MAMA AND DADDY BACK,” one fan exclaimed, while another wrote, “This is the love story we deserve!”

Not everyone is on board, though. Some followers raised concerns about the couple’s turbulent history, with one commenter writing, “I hope they’ve worked through their issues. Love them both, but we’ve been here before.”

The post also caught the attention of Imani herself, who did not comment but liked it, sending fans into overdrive. It seems the former couple may indeed be on the road to rekindling their romance.

Jameson and Imani first began dating during the height of their careers, with Jameson’s second album dominating charts and Imani cementing herself as a powerhouse artist. While their chemistry was undeniable, their relationship ultimately ended amid conflicting schedules and rumors of infidelity.

If Jameson’s Instagram post is any indication, the pair seems to have moved past their rocky history. Sources close to the couple claim that their time in Rome has been a turning point, allowing them to reconnect away from the pressures of the spotlight.

Whether this reunion is the beginning of a new chapter or simply a nostalgic trip down memory lane, one thing is clear: James and Imani still know how to capture hearts—both each other’s and the world’s.

Stay tuned as this story unfolds, and get ready for what could be the comeback romance of the decade.

sloane sat cross-legged on her couch, her laptop perched on a cushion as she idly scrolled through her social media feed. she wasn’t looking for anything specific—just killing time before bed. but then her thumb paused over a headline that made her stomach drop.

INSTAGRAM OFFICIAL? James Lucas & Imani continue love affair online

her breath caught in her throat. clicking the link felt inevitable, like watching a car crash she couldn’t turn away from. that's why he hadn't been answering the phone. it's why he wasn't with ej. imani. always imani.

the article was worse than she expected: a nice, cozy write up of their relationship but the worst part was the pictures. pictures that jameson had posted. that imani had liked. walking hand in hand through rome, laughter frozen in candid snapshots, the words swirled together — romantic getaway, cozy café, deep connection.

sloane’s hands started shaking as she shut the laptop with a snap, her pulse pounding in her ears. “damn it, jameson” she muttered, standing abruptly and pacing the room. this wasn’t supposed to happen. jameson and imani were over. she was so sure imani would never take him back -- that jameson would pine and then move forward. with her.

but the photos told a different story, and the ache in her chest flared into something hotter. anger.

she grabbed her phone and dialed his number without thinking. her hand tightened around the device as it rang, her breath quickening with each unanswered tone.

“you got me. leave a message."

“jamie, it’s me,” she started, her voice tight with suppressed frustration. she froze, her mind racing. what the fuck could she even say? after a long pause, she spat, “you haven't answered the phone at all and some people are worried about you. namely me. call me back.” then she hung up, immediately regretting the entire thing.

sloane stared at the phone in her hands, chest tight and her eyes stinging. she thought for a fleeting moment that maybe he’d call back immediately, that he’d sense her distress somehow. but the phone stayed silent.

the silence in the room got to be deafening. She threw the phone onto the couch and stared at the wall, anger boiling over. imani didn’t deserve him — not after walking away from him two years ago, leaving him broken. his confession that he had cheated hadn't moved her. sloane wasn't the type of woman to let some other girl come in and fuck her home up. if she had been in imani's position? she would have made that girl wish she had never met jameson. but imani hadn't done that. she had left. sloane had been the one to pick up the pieces, to be there for him when no one else was.

imani didn't get to come back and take him away. not again.

her phone buzzed and she practically tripped over herself to get to the couch. snatching it up, she felt another rush of hot anger as she saw the name on the screen. christian. she set her shoulders with determination. if jameson couldn’t see that imani wasn't in for the long haul, she'd have to make him see it.

the bedroom was bathed in a soft, amber glow from the bedside lamps, the curtains drawn to block out the noise of the bustling streets below. warm light accentuated the rich tones of the room—the smooth wood of the headboard, the plush bedding rumpled beneath them, and the golden highlights in Imani’s skin as she perched atop jameson.

she was in total control, her back straight and her head tilted ever so slightly. jameson lay beneath her, his broad chest rising and falling as he watched her every move. hands rested at his sides, gripping the sheets. he knew better than to touch her without permission.

from the dessert tray they’d ordered on a whim, imani dipped her fingers into a dollop of whipped cream she’d deliberately dropped onto his chest. slowly, methodically, she swirled the cream in lazy circles over his skin, her touch light and teasing.

jameson’s breath hitched, his muscles flexing under her touch. "mani," he murmured.

"what is it?" she asked, her tone casual, almost playful. she brought her finger to her lips, licking off the whipped cream with an exaggerated slowness that made his eyes darken further.

"move." he tried to command her, his voice strained as he rocked his hips up -- moving within her for the first time in almost twenty long minutes.

"aht aht." she replied, shaking her head as she slapped her hands down onto his chest to stop him from moving. "not yet." he'd heard the hitch in her breathing and knew she wanted it just as bad as he did. when she slipped his dick inside her, the two had gasped and grunted together. he was so sure it'd be quick -- but something had changed her mind and now she was torturing the fuck out of him.

his hands twitched at his sides, and she laughed -- strained but a laugh nonetheless. "go ahead. i dare you," she said, her voice low.

"you mean as fuck." "and you love the fuck out of it." "...i do. i really do."

he shivered beneath her, a quiet sound escaping his lips as she kissed her way down to his collarbone. she paused there, her tongue flicking out to taste the faint trace of whipped cream she’d left behind.

"you gone fuck me or not?" he huffed "i'm thinking about it." "my dick already in you. just use me." "but i like seeing you like this." "on the verge of death?" "no. loyal. obsessed with me." "that's me every day, baby. you don't have to kill me to see it." "is it?"

he could hear it in her voice. doubt. he could fuck her ten ways from sunday and beg her to reconsider but he knew she'd have it in her mind. jameson lifted his hands from the bed, framing her face as he pulled her down to meet his lips. "talk to me" he whispered, meeting her gaze. there was lust and desire there -- but a deep concern as well.

"we're in a bubble now but when we go back to l.a., it won’t be the same." "no, it won't be. shit was messy before but we're gonna figure it out. for real this time." "it's not so simple, jamie." "why not? you love me. i love you. let's make it simple." "but people are gonna--" "but nothing. they don’t know what we’ve been through. they don’t know what this feels like. so who gives a fuck what they think?"

imani shook her head, her lips curving into a hesitant smile. "yeah okay, jon b." the two of them burst into laughter with jameson curving his arm around her waist to pull her body tight against his. "all i want you thinking about right now is you and me. okay?"

she nodded and jameson released her, dropping his right hand back to the sheets beneath him. like a switch had flipped, he gave her control once more. the left was placed against her ass as he encouraged her to ride him once more.

"now...like i said. you gone fuck me or not?"

ej leaned against the railing of the penthouse balcony, the city sprawled beneath him, but his mind was a million miles away. he took a drag from his blunt, the smoke curling into the night air as he stared at the glowing lights of the city, his thoughts consumed by worry that his writing partner was getting in way over his head.

jameson and imani, the golden couple from the past, back together again. ej had seen the photos from rome, the ones of jameson and imani smiling, carefree, as if the year apart hadn’t happened. as if the hurt and complications of their past were just ghosts, easy to ignore for the sake of some perfect romance.

but ej knew better. he’d been there through the worst of it, the fallout from their first split, all the unanswered questions, and the emotional rollercoaster that had torn both of them apart. he remembered how jameson had suffered, how he’d withdrawn into his music, trying to drown out the pain. how imani...had turned into a shell of herself. avoiding the public and eventually bouncing back after a lot of tears.

jamie was his best friend and if there was one thing ej had learned in their years as friends --was that jamie deserved to be happy. and if Imani was the one who could give him that, even after everything, then he had to help them get to where they needed to be.

still, there was a knot in ej's stomach every time he thought about it. he didn’t trust it—he didn’t trust in their love. he didn't trust that sloane was going to let it go. he didn't trust any-fucking-body. he ashed the blunt as his phone buzzed in his pocket. when he pulled it out to see a text from genie -- the worry faded away. he melted, a grin curving his lips as he unlocked it to reply.

[ genie ] : i told you :) love always wins. [ ej ] : why yes you did, ms. adesanya. [ genie ] : i like being right. [ ej ] : do you? interesting. [ genie ] : what's so interesting? [ ej ] : you are. interestingly, you disappeared on me. [ genie ] : i didn't disappear [ ej ] : yes you did. i woke up and you weren't there. [ genie ] : i was never there. i'm in rome. [ ej ] : funny girl. [ genie ] : i'm sorry. i just wanted you to get some sleep. [ ej ] : i slept just fine seeing you. would have slept better if i knew i was waking up to your face [ genie ] : oh. [ ej ] : oh? [ genie ] : yes. oh. i don't know what to say. [ ej ] : you don't know how to flirt? [ genie ] : yes! i can flirt just fine. [ ej ] : so do it. [ genie ] : i...you don't tell me what to do

he couldn't help but snort laughing at her last reply. the two of them went from limited contact to having a banter of their own unlike anything he'd had before. genie's messages had taken on a different tone — thoughtful as always but there was a layer of tension there. his suspicion that maybe she liked him back made his chest tighten in a way he wasn’t sure how to handle.

the truth was, he had always been in a little bit of awe with her. he’d buried it beneath years of distant friendship, telling himself that he wasn’t the kind of guy she needed. with Jameson and imani’s drama constantly swirling around, he never let himself think too much about it. they had to stay in their perspective corners but now he couldn’t stop himself from wondering what it would be like to have her see him the way he saw her.

he couldn’t help but think of the way she smiled -- her whole face lit up and her eyes became warm. it made him want to linger. and now, with her over in rome, something about the distance made everything clearer. he had spent years as a silent observer to jameson and imani’s push and pull -- could he and genie really build something outside of that?

he checked his phone again, his finger hovering over the keyboard to type up a response. what would he say? just confess everything he’d kept hidden for so long? the thought scared him. before he could make any decision, his phone buzzed again, this time with a call from jameson.

ej shook his head and murmured to himself. "next time, ms. adesanya." when he slid the bar across the screen and answered, he adapted a teasing tone and headed back inside. "ohhh, mr. loverboy finally decided to call his friends back. imani let you out of the bed for some gatorade?"

[silverryuan]

TWST with the Settman Septuplets! Yuus

A/N: "For some reason, a memory of this movie resurfaced in the back of my mind during class... it wasn't a great movie but the concept of it made an impression on me."

Warnings: Movie spoilers, Mentions of Death, Slight Angst, Use of Drugs, Extreme Language, Violence

The Settman Septuplets are seven sisters who were born in an apocalyptic world with a strict one-child policy due to food shortages and overpopulation. They were raised by their grandfather, Terrence Settman, who successfully trained and protected them from the government, who sought to make sure each family has only one child and exterminate any siblings. He also made sure to put them all into one identity, Karen Settman (named after their deceased mother), to avoid suspicion. The sisters' names are Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, they share one identity and can only go outside once a week on the day of their names. They are characters from the movie What Happened To Monday? or Seven Sisters.

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{Settman Residence}

Thursday! Yuu: "... It's not fair."

Monday! Yuu: "Everything's not fair--"

Thursday! Yuu: "Yeah, no shit, but this is unfair to a whole other level. I mean- can't we all go see him off? At least for one last goodbye?"

Monday! Yuu: "No, Thursday! Yuu... I'm sorry..."

• It's been a week and a half since the death of your grandfather. Terrence was a good-no, a great man. He protected you and your siblings til the day he drew his final breath. If only he died on Saturday, you'd all go together to attend his burial ceremony anonymously, but no, Monday! Yuu was the only one allowed to go outside during their day and is the only one that can attend the funeral. Not only that, they had to go to work leaving barely enough time to mourn with their siblings while the rest were still dealing with grief and guilt for not going.

Thursday! Yuu: "How the hell can you be so heartless?"

Tuesday! Yuu: "Monday! Yuu..."

Thursday! Yuu: "No! He's our grandfather, we're supposed to be there for him! We promised!"

Wednesday! Yuu: "For the last time, we can't go outside. Didn't he tell us that himself? Or do I have to rewind his last words and drill them into your fucking skull?"

Thursday! Yuu: "He died on Monday. Which means Monday! Yuu gets to see him and mourn. Yet they don't even want to and prefer to waste it."

Saturday! Yuu: "Thursday! Yuu, please for the love of God, don't make this day more depressing than it already is... Just leave it to another day."

Sunday! Yuu: "They're right... Grandpa would never have wanted us to argue... Especially after his departure..."

Tuesday! Yuu: "We can't even mourn in peace without you two bickering and aiming at each other's necks like this..."

• Everything's went to shambles after he left. Friday! Yuu refused to eat, Sunday! Yuu spent the whole week praying and mourning, Wednesday! Yuu's guilt has driven them to train relentlessly, Saturday! Yuu were not their usual happy-go-lucky self, Tuesday! Yuu already smoked so many cigarettes that the whole apartment smelled like weed and they kept complaining about headaches...

• Monday! Yuu and Thursday! Yuu? Were not in good terms. In fact, they always never were... They only argued whenever they disagree with each other. Their arguments probably took a toll on their grandfather's life span.

Thursday! Yuu: "... Fine. Spend the day working your hours away. While the rest of us continue to suffer...Karen."

Monday! Yuu: "....... We don't have much of a choice. They are still watching."

• Monday! Yuu walked out. They walked out of their grieving family. The siblings they shared a womb and a life with. Just to avoid suspicion from the government. Not enough time to see him off.

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• It was nighttime that they came home, clothes drenched from the rain, their wig ruffled, and their eyes bloodshot. Monday! Yuu refused to show the recorded footage on their bangle however, Friday! Yuu was having none of it and hacked the device... But there was no recording of it.

• There was not a single moment in that footage that showed a hint of a funeral happening, which can only mean that Monday! Yuu did not go... The two shouted at each other to the point where Wednesday! Yuu had to cut in before they bash their heads onto the dining table and splatter blood onto the food that Sunday! Yuu prepared. This only made the siblings grew distant and Thursday! Yuu hating their oldest sibling even more.

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{Settman Residence – Bedroom}

• Now it was Thursday! Yuu's turn to walk out of room. Couldn't bring myself to see him off, my ass. They didn't want to deal with Monday! Yuu's so-called regret and went to their bedroom. A thousand thoughts about freedom running through their mind as they lull themselves to sleep.

• I wonder what'll it be like to not live in constant fear... To be someone that can go anywhere, do anything, and be whoever they are... To not be trapped here for the rest of your life... To not hide behind this mask named Karen Settman...

Thursday! Yuu: "... It's suffocating here..."

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{Settman Residence – Dining Table}

Sunday! Yuu: "Hey, not going to bed yet?"

Friday! Yuu: "No..."

Sunday! Yuu: "... If you're gonna watch those old videos of grandpa do it in the morning. You'll wake up the neighbors."

Friday! Yuu: "Y-yeah... just one more video."

Sunday! Yuu: "Okay then, I'll hit the sack first..."

• Friday! Yuu watched every remaining video of their grandfather until drowsiness caught up to them. They should've revealed to their siblings that live mini camera they're working on. Maybe that way, there won't be a single memory that'll be missed when they're watching it unfold on the screens.

• They shut down their monitors after rechecking security and head to bed yawning...

• They didn't notice a silhouette of a horse drawn carriage from the security camera outside of the building...

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{??? – ???}

????: "... Fnyagh.... gotta....find... fast!.... where....."

Thursday! Yuu: "... Mnh...hm?.... !!!"

• Feeling a change of the cushion beneath them, Thursday! Yuu stirred awake from their slumber, becoming puzzled by how dark the sight is before their eyes. They reached their arms only for their palms to touch a flat surface along a tight, confined space around them. Their ears perked up to a muffled but unfamiliar voice... Which could only mean that...!

• No... It's impossible for them to find you.... Friday! Yuu made sure of that...

• Where are their siblings!? What happened to them?!

• Thursday! Yuu mildly panicked but calmed down a bit to hear the muffled voices outside.

????: "Fnyagh... W-why... Awake....... Give.... Robes....."

????????????: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!"

????: "MEYOUCH!"

• ... Wait a sec... They know that death cry anywhere! Gathering enough strength, they kicked the lid of a coffin and sprinted towards the cries of their sibling.

????????????: "GET. THE. FUCK. AWAY FROM ME, YOU FAT UGLY-ASS RAT!!!"

????: "F-fnyagh?! OW! The Great Grim ain't no- OUCH! Stop that, will ya!!"

Thursday! Yuu: "Saturday! Yuu!"

Saturday! Yuu: "Thursday! Yuu?"

????: "Hey! Get back here!"

• Thursday! Yuu see Saturday! Yuu whacking a cat with their shoes while screaming. They rushed to their sibling and grabbed them by the arm. Saturday! Yuu is now running with them away from the angry floating cat who is now blowing out fire to corner both of them. The siblings spent the entire chase dodging and hiding from him.

Thursday! Yuu: "Oh, thank God you're safe!... pant... What is that thing?"

Saturday! Yuu: "How the fuck should I know? This...pant... talking trash panda wannabe just told me to strip!... pant... You saw that thing too right? I-is this real?"

Thursday! Yuu: "Yes! I think...pant... We're in the C.A.B. facilities.... W-wait, let's hide here... pant..."

{??? – Library}

• They found a spot to hide from the beast. Doors that lead to what looks like a library. It's strange for a child abducting facility to have a library.

Saturday! Yuu: "D-did it follow us...?"

Thursday! Yuu: "No... I don't think so... Steer clear from it..."

Saturday! Yuu: "Hey... Are we drugged in our sleep? Are we high right now?"

Thursday! Yuu: "Could be... It feels too real though..."

Saturday! Yuu: "How did they even find us in our sleep?! It doesn't make sense! Friday! Yuu would never... Friday! Yuu..."

Thursday! Yuu: "The others. We have to find the others."

Saturday! Yuu: "I tried finding them. Been wandering in circles for hours, all I saw were... Coffins floating in the air and now a talking cat is chasing us... These are some strong fucking drugs."

Thursday! Yuu: "Did you woke up inside a coffin?"

Saturday! Yuu: "I'm not Dracula but yeah, why?"

Thursday! Yuu: "I woke up in one too. Let's go search inside them. Maybe the others are in there."

Saturday! Yuu: "Great. Searching through caskets of dead bodies and a chance for that fucked up weasel to kill us. Just great."

Thursday! Yuu: "Got a better plan?"

Saturday! Yuu: "Nah, you lead the way."

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• Thursday! Yuu and Saturday! Yuu sneaked back into the hallways with floating coffins, avoiding the patrolling monster. They struggled to open the coffins but they didn't managed to do so as the lids are shut tight.

Saturday! Yuu: "Thursday! Yuu, these lids won't budge."

Thursday! Yuu: How did you open it and got out?"

Saturday! Yuu: "I don't know, I just pushed it and it fell down. You?"

Thursday! Yuu: "I remember waking up here. See that coffin with its lid far across the hallway? That's mine."

Saturday! Yuu: "We already tried kicking it, it's no use. We should go get a tool or some kind of key-"

!!!BAM!!! !!!BAM!!!! !!!BAM!!!

Saturday! Yuu: "!"

Thursday! Yuu: "!"

????????????: "..... Aughh..... Fuuuck... Goddammit....... Ughh...!"

• Just as they were about to leave, a loud sound of hard wood being repeatedly punched startled you to look back at the coffin that didn't budge. The coffin now has a fist protruding from its broken lid and another familiar voice groaning profanities.

Saturday! Yuu: "That's...!"

Thursday! Yuu: "Wednesday! Yuu!"

• The two siblings immediately called out to their older sibling. They helped Wednesday! Yuu get out by breaking the lid further. It seems that the lid suddenly became easier to break through... As if the thing knows that Wednesday! Yuu's awake...

Thursday! Yuu: "Wednesday! Yuu! Wednesday! Yuu, wake up!"

Wednesday! Yuu: "... Yeah, yeah... Shut the fuck up, Thursday! Yuu..... I'm awa--................. What the fuck?"

Saturday! Yuu: "Get your ass out of there. You won't believe what the hell just happened--

????: "FNYAAAAAGH!! GET BACK HERE, HUMAAANS!! JUST GIMME THOSE ROOOBES!!"

Saturday! Yuu: "Oh shit, it's that retarded cat with rabies again! Let's get outta here!"

Wednesday! Yuu: "The fuck!?"

Thursday! Yuu: "We'll explain later! Just run!"

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{??? – Courtyard}

Wednesday! Yuu: "So you're telling me... that we're abducted and somehow drugged by the C.A.B., everyone is waking up inside coffins, and are playing cat and mouse with a talking rodent?"

Saturday! Yuu: "Crazy, right? I thought I was gonna get caught and be put to cryosleep--"

Wednesday! Yuu: "That's the weird shit. I doubt that this place is the C.A.B.'Cuz if it is, there'd be guards or security everywhere."

Thursday! Yuu: "So we're most likely hallucinating?"

Saturday! Yuu: "That... thing scorched my shoulder, I felt that. I think this is real."

Thursday! Yuu: "No, no it can't be... Whatever, C.A.B. or not, this is still some kind of facility."

Wednesday! Yuu: "How long was I asleep?"

Saturday! Yuu: "We don't know, but I woke up first. This facility's huge and they have a rabid gerbil floating around."

Wednesday! Yuu: "And the others?"

Saturday! Yuu: "Trying to find them."

• Wednesday! Yuu handled the shock fairly well. Saturday! Yuu's shoulder was almost burned by the monster but they escaped from him a second time. Thursday! Yuu struggled to find the answer to why they are seeing things that don't make sense. Specifically how they were taken from their home without them noticing.

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• The siblings walked back to the hallway with floating coffins but this time the monster is camping there. They quietly revised a plan to distract the beast and lead it away from the coffins. Wednesday! Yuu volunteered as the bait.

Thursday! Yuu: "Are you sure about this Wednesday! Yuu? Will you be okay?"

Wednesday! Yuu: "Yeah--"

Saturday! Yuu, pushing Wednesday! Yuu: "Good, now go!"

Wednesday! Yuu: "!... You motherfu..."

????: "You again?! Fnyagh... Shoo! I don't want your robe anymore, just leave me alone! Want me to roast ya again?!"

??????????: "Again? Are you talking to me? Have we met before?"

• Huh? Again? What... The three siblings peeked from the corner to see another robed figure with their hood down, their back facing them. Their voice sounds familiar... Almost like....!

Saturday! Yuu: "MONDAY! YUU!"

Thursday! Yuu: "Sssshhhhhh!"

Wednesday! Yuu: "Shut the fuck up!"

Saturday! Yuu: "Oh shit, sorry."

• Saturday! Yuu's voice boomed through the hallways after realizing who the figure is. It blew their cover though. The monster and Monday! Yuu looked toward the corner, the oldest sibling's eyes lit up with recognition.

Monday! Yuu: "... Guys? Are you here?"

Saturday! Yuu: "... Yep."

Monday! Yuu: "Come out then."

Thursday! Yuu: "And let this rat burn us to a crisp?"

Monday! Yuu: "It won't. Will you?"

????: "Huh?! D-don't think that-"

Monday! Yuu: "Yeah, it said it won't. It's safe, well, for now."

Grim: "Fnyagh?! Hey! I got a name ya know! It's The Great Grim! Ya better not forget that!"

Monday! Yuu: "Ah, so that's your name. What exactly are you?"

Grim: "What kind of question is that? I'm a mage!"

Thursday! Yuu: "Wow. That's definitely helpful."

Saturday! Yuu: "If I die today, I'm telling gramps up there that it's your fault."

Monday! Yuu: "Calm down, you're being dramatic."

Wednesday! Yuu:"Yeah. What gave you an idea that you're going up there?"

Saturday! Yuu: "... Oh fuck you, Wednesday! Yuu."

Wednesday! Yuu: "Heh."

• For some odd reason, Monday! Yuu doesn't seem fazed by the dangerous creature in front of them. Their tone so calm but if you strain your ear more you can hear uncertainty and worry in their voice.

Thursday! Yuu: "Monday! Yuu, listen. I know this sounds crazy but we need to open these coffins."

Monday! Yuu: "I know. I woke up inside one beside Tuesday! Yuu's."

Wednesday! Yuu: "Wait a second, Tuesday! Yuu's here? Where are they? Why aren't they with you?"

Monday! Yuu: "They're with someone, Dire Crowley, he seems to run this place. Tuesday! Yuu doesn't look too well right now. They had too much to smoke."

Thursday! Yuu: "He runs this facility? Then why did you let Tuesday! Yuu near him?"

Monday! Yuu: "He doesn't really look like any danger to me. Tuesday! Yuu can handle themselves. And this place... is not a facility."

Saturday! Yuu: "Not a facility?"

Monday! Yuu: "If this was the C.A.B., we would have been in cryosleep by now. Plus, doesn't this place look too unusual for another facility?"

Thursday! Yuu: "......."

Grim: "Woah! Y-y-you guys have the same face!"

Wednesday! Yuu: "You just noticed that now?"

• Grim looked back and forth from one face to another confused as to why all four looked the same. He looked at their robes and his ears drooped down. He looked upset.

Monday! Yuu: "What's with the attire? You guys going to a sleepover?"

Thursday! Yuu: "Haha, very funny."

Monday! Yuu: "Did Grim do something to you? He recognized me as you as soon as I approached him."

Thursday! Yuu: "He attacked Saturday and me, chased us around. I don't know what was this thing's deal but he said he wanted these."

Grim: "......."

Monday! Yuu: "... Hey, why don't we trade?"

Grim: "Fnyagh?"

Monday! Yuu: "You said you wanted this robe, right? You can have mine BUT you gotta do something for us first."

Grim: "Really?! Fnyagh... I'll do it!"

Monday! Yuu: "Good. Can you help us lift these lids?"

Grim: "Okay!"

• Grim's intention was to blow fire into the coffins but Wednesday! Yuu threatened him not to. Together they attempted to lift the lids but just like before, they wouldn't move an inch. Thursday! Yuu thought for a moment and remembered how Saturday! Yuu and Wednesday! Yuu exited from the coffin. By waking up.

• The plan changed from pushing lids off to banging on them. They called for their missing younger siblings' names. They heard a thud from a coffin and muffled screaming from another.

Wednesday! Yuu: "Friday! Yuu, Sunday! Yuu!"

Friday! Yuu: "W-w-what the hell is happening?!"

Sunday! Yuu: "HEEEEEELP!! SOMEBODY PLEASE!!"

Saturday! Yuu: "It's alright! We're here now! Just push the lid off!"

Friday! Yuu: "Saturday! Yuu, is that you?! Are you guys there?!

Sunday! Yuu: "What lid?! Wait... this prank isn't funny! I'm scared!"

Wednesday! Yuu: "This isn't a prank! Hurry up and get outta there!"

• The confined two obeyed and repeatedly kicked the lids off. Friday! Yuu became shocked that this in fact, was not a joke and that they were actually placed inside coffins. Saturday! Yuu hugged their younger siblings to calm them down.

Sunday! Yuu: "We're not really home, are we?"

Monday! Yuu: "Yes. Yes, we are."

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???????: "Pardon me, I hate to spoil this heartfelt reunion but I believe we should be going!"

Tuesday! Yuu: "Guys!"

• Man with a weird attire interrupted them and Tuesday! Yuu ran up to join their family. Grim finally received his earned robe. Not that the siblings need it though... They're here by mistake.

Thursday! Yuu: "Tuesday! Yuu, you're okay!"

Tuesday! Yuu: "I am, don't worry about me."

Friday! Yuu: "Who's he?"

Tuesday! Yuu: "He's--"

Crowley: "Crowley! Dire Crowley, I am the director of this school. Now come along, chop, chop, we don't have all day. Also, please properly behave your familiar... Great Sevens, these lot are your siblings?"

Monday! Yuu: "Yes, we're septuplets."

Crowley: "SEPTUPLETS?! OH MY, HOW DID YOUR MOTHER...! -- Ahem! M-my apologies, I did not think it would be possible to have this many... I thought that for sure this was cloning magic."

Grim: "Hey! I ain't their familiar! I'm a student, see! I'm wearin' the robe!"

Crowley: "Yes, yes. That's what they always say when familiars are in trouble. But honestly, do you Settmans not know patience? If you're that excited to attend this school, you don't need to rush it."

Saturday! Yuu: "School? Did he say school? I thought we're in the C.A.B. facility?"

Thursday! Yuu: "Jesus, I'm back in hell."

Crowley: "Facility ? No, you're in Night Raven College!"

To Be Continued

[lovergirlsdumpster]

first adlerbell fic! inspired by Mitski's song 'Your Best American Girl'.

'That which I am (not).' in ao3.

pairing: russell adler/bell (nb)

tags: angst, guilt, implied relationships, ambiguous relationships, emotional hurt/comfort, light angst, angst with a happy ending, existential dread, songfic, song: your best american girl, one shot.

summary: Bell's got a conflict with themselves for not being able to live up to Adler's expectations.

notes: Adler's dialogue is OOC, because he's saying what Bell wants to hear.

The whistle of the nighttime wind filled the silence between Bell and Adler as they walked toward the car, another mission in Berlin behind them. Something as simple as that woman’s comment—just a casual remark congratulating Bell and Adler—had spiraled into this.

“You’re a strong, determined duo, agents. Like good American soldiers.”

The city lights stretched out in the distance, an artificial constellation that felt almost alien, as though it belonged to another world. Bell, hands buried in their pockets, felt the invisible weight of their identity, their roots, their very self colliding with Adler’s presence—solid, resolute, like an extension of the very American soil beneath their feet.

"You alright, Bell?” Adler asked without looking at them, lighting a cigarette.

Bell nodded, and muttered some shitty non-committal answer, though the knot in their throat and their silence told another story.

“You haven’t said a word since we left the base. If there’s something you need to say, now’s the time.” Adler had a way of saying things—direct, almost blunt, but with a hidden concern Bell had learned to recognize. Or maybe, they liked to think it was there.

“It’s complicated,” they muttered, not stopping. “Maybe even stupid.”

Adler exhaled slowly, watching the smoke dissipate into the cold air. “Don’t make me guess, Bell.” They both stopped. The silence that followed was almost tangible, and when Bell finally spoke, their voice was low, as if refusing to let the words be ripped from their throat.

“Have you ever felt like… no matter how hard you try, you’ll never be enough? Like you’re always out of place.” Adler turned to look at them, but Bell avoided his gaze.

“Does this have to do with the mission? You did what you had to do. It was clean. Precise. You—”

“No,” Bell interrupted, shaking their head, and immediately raised a hand in apology. “It’s not about the mission. It’s about you. About me. About what we are… or aren’t.”

Adler blinked, taken aback. “What the hell are you talking about, Bell?” His words came out with a hint of irritation. Clearly, this was making him question things he had already established in his mind—and Adler hated that. Bell was someone that constantly shifted his views of the world. He didn't particularly like to be kept on his toes around an agent.

“About what you always try to ignore,” Bell said, crossing their arms. “I’m from Russia, Adler. And I’m not… I’m not what this country expects me to be. I’m not what you expect me to be.” Adler opened his mouth to protest, but Bell raised a hand to stop him. “Let me finish,” they said, raising an eyebrow. Adler returned the gesture, silently agreeing.

“I spend every day trying to fit into this world, your rules, your idea of how someone like me should be. But it’ll never be enough. No matter how hard I try, I’ll never be whatever you need me to be — because I don't fucking know what is it you want me to be, because I'm everything, all at once. You wanted a woman yesterday, so I dressed up as a woman. Today you want a man, so I dressed up as a man." There truly is no easy way to say this crap, Bell thinks, but they're already too deep in this to backpedal. "And it hurts. It hurts because…” Bell paused, swallowing hard, “because I want to be. I want to fit into your life, into your vision of the world. But I can’t.”

Bell let out a sigh. “Do you realize? Even now, I’m thinking about what you want. If I’m a man or a woman. If I’m whatever you expect me to be, or not.” That's who I've been boiled down to. To whoever you want me to be.

Adler dropped his cigarette to the ground and crushed it under his foot. “Bell, I don’t need you to fit into anything. I don’t expect you to be something you’re not.”

“Really?” they replied with a bitter laugh. “Then why do I feel like I’m always failing you? Like I’ll never be enough for you.”

The atmosphere grew heavy—awkward, uncomfortable—and for a moment, Adler didn’t know what to say. His hands, so used to holding weapons firmly, now hung awkwardly at his sides, unable to find the right words.

Finally, he spoke, though there was a hint of… hesitation? Doubt? in his tone.

“Bell… I grew up in a world where things were clear. There was a right way to do things, to live. And you… you challenge all of that. I won’t lie to you—it’s not easy for me. But not because there’s something wrong with you. It’s because I’m learning to see the world differently.”

Bell looked up, searching for any dishonesty in Adler’s gaze. And it made them feel worse—they found more vulnerability than anything else.

“I care about you,” Adler continued, his voice firm. “And I care about who you are. I don’t care where you come from or how you fit into this country’s expectations. I care about what I see in you—what you are when you’re with me.”

The wind seemed to pause for a moment, letting his words settle between them. Bell took a deep breath, feeling the pressure in their chest start to ease, if only slightly.

“And what do you see?” they asked, their voice barely above a whisper.

Adler stepped forward, closing the distance between them. “I see someone who’s survived more than anyone should have to. Someone who fights for what they believe in, even when it’s hard. I see someone who doesn’t need to change for anyone. And that includes me.”

Silence returned, but this time, it wasn’t uncomfortable. Bell looked at Adler, searching for something in his eyes—and found it: sincerity.

“I’m not easy to understand either, you know?” Adler added, a half-smile briefly softening his features.

Bell smiled too, just barely, but it was enough to break the tension.

“Maybe neither of us is,” they admitted with a small shrug.

“Maybe.” Adler turned toward the car and opened the passenger door. “Shall we?”

Bell nodded and climbed into the car. As they drove down the empty road, the city lights grew smaller on the horizon.

Adler turned on the radio, and a soft melody filled the air. Bell recognized the song, and though they didn’t say anything, something inside them shifted.

They didn’t need to do any of the things they’d thought. They didn’t need to fit in.

In that moment, as the car disappeared into the night, they understood that staying true to themselves was all that mattered. And, for now, that was enough.

[therainywriter]

A Dangerous Situation (Angst/Fluff)

Pairing: Tsuek'tu (Na'vi) x Reader

You were in awe, so entirely captivated by the beauty of the world around you.

This was your favorite time of the day. When the sky grows dark and a luminescent glow weaves through everything from the ground up. Your eyes were wide with wonder as you walked along the mossy ground, watching it light up with each step.

You could spend hours simply doing that, poking and prodding at the dirt, and still be amazed each and every time it brightens under your finger.

You adjusted your mask and lightly touched the leaf of a plant at your side, curious as to if it'd react at all. Though the flora itself did nothing, a strange animal lit up and spun off the top of it, twirling gracefully above you.

You gasped quietly and looked up in awe until the creature dimmed out of sight.

The gentle trickle of a flowing stream lured you to a shallow river. Bioluminescent plants and swimming fish illuminated the water and you couldn't help but draw closer.

You sat and dipped your feet in the cold water, watching as the small, glowing fish swam between your ankles. A smile pulled at your lips as you watched them, entranced with the curious organisms.

Little did you know, you too were being closely observed. Tsuek'tu had been following you since you'd begun these rather dangerous "nighttime adventures".

He was going to kill you, seeing you as nothing more than another demon here to destroy his home, but he didn't, by Eywa's will. Two atokirina had floated delicately at your side and the grass had pulsed with the steady beat of your heart that first time he saw you.

He couldn't bring himself to stay away after. He was so deeply troubled by you, conflicted with a growing need to be near you and protect your helpless being.

You went against everything he stood for, but he saw you.

A deep rumble made your head perk up and your stomach drop. Many times you'd followed this path and no danger had come to you, so you deemed it safe. Oh, how wrong you'd been.

You slowly scooted to your feet and looked around, a sick feeling settled in your gut. You froze when you saw a slick, black creature emerge from the dark forest.

The quills at the sides of its head shook with its growl as it slowly stalked towards you, ready to pounce at any moment. You stared into its green, predatory eyes, certain this was where you met your end.

This thanator was going to kill you and you couldn't do anything to stop it.

The creature lunged for you- you screamed and turned around, running as fast as you could, making sharp turns in hopes that maybe, just maybe you could escape it.

You could hear it behind you, how closely it followed. Just one wrong move and-

You cried out when something pulled you off your feet, hurling you to its body and moving quickly among the trees. You instinctively gripped onto what felt like shoulders, hiding your face on a warm chest.

"Please don't kill me!" you begged with teary eyes, unsure of what you were tucked so securely against.

A series of sharp, angry words were spoken at your ear, Na'vi words. "Shh, quiet." he scolded silently.

You gulped, a native had saved you. Your people have caused them nothing but pain and destruction, yet he rescued you. You couldn't begin to fathom why.

You did as he told and didn't speak, you simply clung to his body as he ran along the thick vine-like structures below you. The thanator hissed from below and backed off as if it didn't want to bother fighting the Na'vi.

He slowed his pace and eventually loosened his grip on your smaller body. He put you down, keeping his hands on your arms to steady you.

He was beautiful, breathtaking really. His eyes were molten gold and it felt as though they pierced straight through your soul.

His hair was long adorned with beads and braided back from his strong face. Many scars covered his body, some appeared more gnarly than the others and you found yourself wanting to ask what the stories behind them were.

"Are you stupid?" he asked with narrowed eyes, a frown pulling at his lips as your wondering gaze shot up.

Your mouth fell open a bit and you struggled to form a response, offended at both the question and genuine concern in the way he looked at you.

"N-no... no, I'm not stupid." you said with a slight frown, "There have never been- I thought that area was safe."

He furrowed his brows and shook his head, "Skxwang, no land is safe. There is always danger."

He didn't tell you that it was he who rid the forest of any visible threat to you. That he earned many scars ensuring your safety, allowing you to roam about his home wherever you pleased.

You felt embarrassed and your cheeks grew warm, "I'm sorry..." you apologized without thought.

He didn't respond, nor did he make a move to leave. He simply looked at you, his expression stern. "Why did you save me?" you asked curiously, tilting your head slightly as you awaited an answer.

He stood to his full height and looked away for a moment, seemingly thinking before turning back to you. "Nga yawne lo oer, muntxa." he said gently.

His words settled deep within you, they tugged at your heart and warmed you in an unfamiliar way. "I don't understand," you said, following behind him as he passed you and continued along the path.

"You are not meant to," he admitted, glancing behind his shoulder at you. His frown melted into a welcoming, amused smile. The sight warmed you, it felt almost familiar.

"Can you, at least, tell me your name... so I can thank you properly?" you questioned, struggling to keep up with his long strides.

He stopped suddenly and turned to face you, "Tsuek'tu te Reyatan Kah'akt, you may call me Tsuek'tu."

With that said, he pushed you off the thin strip of elevated land, grinning as you screamed and landed in a pile of bushes to break your fall.

You stood up with a small groan, holding back your complaints, and looked around. Your lab wasn't far from where you'd fallen and you felt relieved in knowing you wouldn't get lost trying to find home.

You looked up to where he had been only moments ago, only to find his place empty now, and smiled softly, "Thank you, Tsuek'tu."

The rest of the night you couldn't help but hope you'd see him again, Tsuek'tu, the Na'vi that saved you.

[skullsnbruises]

If it's not too late, could you write about giant!ranboo encountering tiny! sbi+tubbo with some nom action and possible fear play? Also, I enjoy your artwork! ^-^

-🧁

Anxiously setting this down because it’s been so long since I got this request I am so sorry

[Ao3 Link]

Taglist: @poprockpanda @brick-a-doodle-do @local-squishmallow @dingbatnix @da3dm

Sleepwalker

(1199 words) [fearplay]

As the sun had set, and Michael was tucked into bed, and Tubbo was off spending time with the others on the server, Ranboo was left alone in their mansion with a certain sorrow in their chest. They were lonely and bored, but it was nighttime, and there was no need for any more activities to take up their day. Sleep would be a distraction from how they felt. Hopefully Tubbo would be back by the morning, and they could plan something like a picnic with their child.

Ranboo stood lonely over their king size bed, wishing for a moment that someone else was there, at least to talk to. They sighed and pushed the feeling down before climbing into bed, tucking themself in under the covers. They shuffled to their side and stared blankly at the wall, ender particles floating around dimly by their head. Slowly, they closed their eyes, drowning in late night thoughts until they dozed off.

When they woke, their brain was crowded with an uncomfortably familiar buzz, something speaking in a language that felt so natural, but so distant at the same time. They watched through their own eyes, as their body moved on its own. Standing up from the bed, kicking off the blankets, staring down at themself. Ranboo felt a dull panic, scared of this feeling but unable to do a thing about it. Something ached of deja vu, but between the amnesia the exact memory was lost.

Though, by the way Ranboo’s legs walked without them, they knew this had happened before. The particles that usually lazed about their head glowed brightly in neon hues of purple, blurring with speed as they circled and danced.

Oh yeah, enderwalking. Or whatever the server were calling Ranboo’s sleepwalk state.

Two toned hands met doorknob after doorknob, until they had left the mansion behind, out in the bitter cold of Snowchester. The country was frozen still as the snowstorm raged, sending icy flakes to battle against Ranboo’s ender particles. The body shivered, and Ranboo wished their sleepwalk state would have grabbed a coat before leaving, but alas. They were useless as they watched, body leaving fresh paw prints in their path, that would only soon be covered with more powdery white, judging by the swirling haze of snow.

‘Where were they going?’ Ranboo questioned as they took an unfamiliar path. The body stepped past into the garden, fields of crisp dead sprouts. ‘Why do we even plant here?’

They were in a clearing now. Plenty of room as the unconscious body stopped dead still. Unmoving, the eyes darted to the side, assuming the space around them. Ranboo was quiet in the back of their mind, viewing the space outside them carefully. It was beautiful, white filling the sky around a masterpiece of the same. The ocean lulled out powerfully against the icy shoreline. Wave after wave crashed, a gorgeous pattern of sound that echoed in the otherwise silent space. Something about winter was gentle and peaceful, silence and serenity. Despite the death of it all, between the lack of wildlife and the sleep of greenery, it was kind. Nature recharging for another year, where life would be brought back once again, a cycle of rebirth and death.

Maybe Ranboo was just tired to think so, though.

The world around them shook all of the sudden, and Ranboo felt anxious, unable to grab something to ground or hold still. Their heart thumped in their ears as they watched the landscape shrink around them. Everything became impossibly small, the frozen dead crops turning into tiny blips in their vision, and the mansion seeming like a dollhouse in scale.

They realized then, with a shocked horror, that the world didn’t shrink. Ranboo had grown. They were now a giant, towering over the infinite space of the server, scale stretched taller than the trees. ‘What is going on??’ They begged to nobody. Ranboo was aware they had powers, but this was unprecedented. They could do small things, like pick up grass blocks, not grow into a giant!

Suddenly, an insatiable appetite wracked through Ranboo’s body, his stomach growling to emphasize its point. His mind raced, demanding to meet his friends. The implications scared him, but they weren’t able to control the urge. They pulled out their communicator, and promptly asked for Tubbo’s coordinates. He returned them, and said he was hanging out with Wilbur, Tommy, Phil, and Techno. Ranboo purred deeply at the thought of more friends.

He quickly made his way over to the location, traveling so much easier with his newfound height, taking long strides over trees and otherwise annoying obstacles. They were making their way along with ease now.

It was only a few moments before Ranboo spotted the group, chatting happily with one another on the prime path. The first person to spot the looming ender hybrid was Tommy, who shouted out a yelp, pointing shakily to the sky. The others turned around and eyes widened. Tubbo faltered, Wilbur’s mouth was left agape, Phil and Techno reached instinctively for weapons, and Tommy was shouting incoherently.

Ranboo couldn’t care, his thoughts chirped away at wishing for his friends and husband. They crouched, movement slow. He cooed at the terrified group.

“Ranboo?!” Tubbo panted out in fear.

That was the last chance he had to speak before Ranboo’s hands came around his husband, and lifted him into the air effortlessly. He dangled his husband above him, opening his mouth with a swipe of his tongue. Tubbo screamed helplessly, before being dropped directly into Ranboo’s mouth. He felt him struggling and fighting against the squishy insides. Ranboo swallowed his husband down with a soft burp.

The others stared like deer in headlights. Too terrified to look away. Phil started to slowly back up, and Ranboo noticed immediately. He grinned and chuckled under his breath, causing tears to form in Tommy’s eyes. Then, their claws came back around, squishing the four into his palms. They laughed maniacally, almost enjoying the sense of fear he was inflicting onto them, the poor things didn’t realize they’d be okay.

His instincts had completely taken them over at this point, as the handful of friends was shoved into his mouth. They swished the bodies around from cheek to cheek, tongue curling around playfully. They felt weak punches from, probably, Tommy. His tongue came around something pointed, weapons. Using the prehensile appendage, he swiped the swords away from the two, and spat them out, the metal clanging against the path.

Then, a simple few swallows led the four down into his stomach. A sudden wave of fatigue washed over the enderman, and they rubbed at their mismatched eyes.

He made his way casually back to the mansion, watching scenically as the land transitioned from grass, to sea, to snow. When their presence was introduced back into Snowchester, they realized they were too giant to go back into the mansion. Upon this mild annoyance, he laid down among the snow, the coldness like a shivering blanket. They wrapped around themself, curling into a comfy little ball, tail curled over his legs.

The struggle inside his stomach amused him, as they dozed off to sleep.

[argisthebulwark]

Bruh why would u hurt my feelings making me think of the dragonborn having to leave Brynjolf… now im thinking about what he would do when they came back… the emotions … the tension….

At first Brynjolf would be desperate for any shred of information about them. He'd spend extra time in taverns listening for any clue of what the Dragonborn had been up to. If he was feeling brave he'd approach the bartender and ask about current events praying to hear they were safe.

It hurt like hell every time. Hearing about what they were doing - fighting dragons, saving towns, venturing across the continent, it dragged his loss to the surface. It hurt like it was fresh and new again. Brynjolf would curl in on himself with both hands pressed to his chest praying to heal the hole they'd left behind.

As time passed he'd learn to tune out the gossip. Half of it was untrue anyway. He avoided the marketplace and the taverns to keep himself insulated from it. He never forgot about them but learned to leave that part of his mind alone, thinking about them always hurt like an old bruise. He wasn't sure they would come back.

He finally began taking jobs across Skyrim once again as the Guild stabilized. He trusted Delvin and Karliah to take care of it in their stead. Fresh air would feel good, reminding him that the world wasn't as terrifying as the rumors of dragons and civil war made it seem. That deep, hopeful part of his heart he'd suffocated so long ago would jump at the idea of spotting them in a crowd.

Of course he wouldn't spot them. It had been months since Brynjolf left them at the Whiterun gates with a promise to return. He had to wonder how much they would change during their time away - a hero of Skyrim surely had better things to do than return to the Flagon. With a new resolve to refocus himself on his Guild Brynjolf hopped down the ladder into a suspiciously empty Cistern.

It was late, he couldn't blame everyone for gathering in the Flagon. He'd avoided it for a while - he felt their absence every time he sat at the bar without them leaning into his side or pestering him to have one more drink. Brynjolf took a breath, reminding himself that he was ready. They had been gone for months, it was healthy to move on. He couldn't be stuck in the past forever.

All conversations paused for a moment when he entered the tavern. He meant to head straight to the bar and order a drink to get back into his usual rhythm but stopped dead in his tracks. Brynjolf felt his heart stutter when he saw the eyes he'd been dreaming about staring straight back at him.

"Hey, Bryn." His name had never sounded so heavenly. Brynjolf steeled himself for the rejection. He wouldn't grovel for them to stay. They had better things to do, more important jobs to deal with.

"How's savin' the world?" He finally answered, struck by how nice it was to talk to them again. He'd spent so many nights wondering what it would be like if they returned - would they remember what they'd shared? Would they still want him the way they had before, when they were merely a thief?

"Over." They breathed the word like a sign of relief. "It's over."

Tension thickened through the Flagon. Brynjolf noted the way other thieves averted their gazes or picked up conversations with each other, subtly giving them whatever privacy they could. Brynjolf felt the Dragonborn's eyes watching him but couldn't move, couldn't figure out what he wanted.

He wanted to forget everything that had happened. He wanted to forget the months of worry and fear. He wanted to kiss them again. He wanted to keep himself safe from another broken promise and to hear them say they hadn't forgotten him. His stomach turned.

"Wanna get some fresh air?" Brynjolf couldn't answer them past the knot in his throat. He nodded, walking briskly through the Cistern and out into the cool nighttime air. It was easier to breathe away from the dozens of eyes watching his every move.

He didn't hear them approach until a hand grasped his arm. Brynjolf wanted nothing more than to forget everything when he felt them leaning close to him. He knew the expression that would be on their face and couldn't bear it. As soon as he looked at them he'd lose his resolve.

"You didn't lose your touch." He managed to keep his voice even, hiding the emotions raging inside his mind. He heard them laugh and felt his heart melting at all the memories it conjured, all the reasons to allow them back in.

"Of course not. I couldn't come back out of practice, I don't think I'd survive another round of training."

"I didn't think you were comin' back." Admitting it felt like a massive weight was lifted from his shoulders. Brynjolf summoned the courage to look down at them and readied himself for whatever they said next.

"I promised you." They smiled up at him, a hand brushing over his cheek and he broke. Brynjolf let the Dragonborn sweep his hair aside, fingers lingering on his face when he hesitated. Were they truly acting like nothing had changed?

"Don't come back just for me." Brynjolf struggled to keep his voice low. "You have a whole new life out there, love. Go enjoy it, yeah?"

"I don't want a new life." Their voice cracked and Brynjolf's heart broke with it. "The only thing that got me through all that was coming back to my life. I thought about you every night."

Brynjolf tried to process everything. He'd spent so long catastrophizing. He didn't think they would even come back to say goodbye before being swept away to a grand new life. They were the Dragonborn. Their eyes hardened and he felt their hand retract from his face. He'd fucked it all up.

"Do you not want this?"

They were slipping away. Brynjolf didn't think when he dove forward, cupping their face in his hands. Tears smeared on his palms when Brynjolf kissed them. It stole the breath from his lungs, like the world turned upside down but he didn't mind. The Dragonborn kissed him for the first time in so many months and he felt whole again.

"I love you." He breathed against their lips, desperate to get the words out before he lost them. "Lettin' you go was the hardest thing I've ever done."

"Really?" They sniffled, fingers tucking into his armor. He was thrilled with every touch that he'd lived so long without.

"Almost killed me, love." It hurt to admit but he had to put it out there. He couldn't keep putting up walls between them, couldn't keep blaming them for something out of their control. "I can't do it again."

"I'm here to stay." When the Dragonborn wrapped their arms around his waist he swore he'd never let them go again. "You're stuck with me."

[faustianbroker]

TIMING: Current LOCATION: A dirt road in the Pines / Owen’s apartment PARTIES: Leviathan (@faustianbroker) & Owen (@apaininyourneck) SUMMARY: Owen comes across a bloodied and full greater demon post-shift. It needs some TLC and a nap, so he takes it home. CONTENT WARNINGS: Mild implied WRspice (fades to black)

—

Shifting could be a tiring experience, especially when it was so far from the ocean. Deep in the Pines, walking along a dirt road that might not have even had a name, Leviathan was looking straight out of a slasher film. Its human vessel, nude and smeared with blood that hadn’t yet dried, padded along through the dirt without a care in the world. The only part of it that gave away its fatigue was those heavy-lidded eyes—dark and vast like a shark that smelled blood in the water. 

Or in this case, blood leaking from whatever it was dragging behind it. 

A coppery tang followed the creature as it strolled through the temperate nighttime air, unperturbed by the twin pinpricks of light that appeared through the trees—a vehicle was coming its way. It made no move to hide or dispose of the hunk of human that it clutched in one hand, continuing the lazy gait as the car got closer and eventually bathed it in artificial light. 

Its long hair was only still partially contained in a bun, the rest falling down to its shoulders, giving it a very ‘I just woke up’ look, if waking up involved mauling somebody for breakfast. Squinting its eyes against the light, tongue pressing against the back of its teeth, it wondered if it was going to have to shift a second time and have another full course meal. If that was the case, it might just end up sleeping in the woods. Digesting humans took rest, after all. 

—

Usually, Owen didn’t take ‘spending the night’ literally. Mornings could lead to unnecessary conversations that were easily avoided by not being there - plus, his bed rarely found a worthy competitor when it came to comfort. It was a nice time to drive, too, especially here. The roads were fairly abandoned this time of night, allowing him to fuck the speed limit and get home quickly. 

It had looked like a trick of the light at first, shadow moving slowly down the road some distance away. Slowing down the car gave a clearer picture. A man, tainted red with something that - in this town - probably wasn’t paint. Once the car came to a full stop and Owen’s eyes moved further, a likely source of the blood came into view. Eyes trailed back up from the remains of a corpse, taking a moment to appreciate the parts of the charming physique visible beneath the blood because being drenched in bodily fluids wasn’t enough, this man had gone the whole mile and lost his clothes as well. 

Unbothered eyes were now staring at the windshield and even though Owen was sure him and the inside of the car were obscured by the glaring headlights, the dark gaze sent a shiver down his back. Not the undead kind of shiver, however, making this whole situation a little less annoying and a bit more intriguing. The shifters he’d heard of didn’t usually drag back leftovers. Possibly another hunter, discarding evidence and if so, wasn’t it his civil duty to help the guy out? And definitely not because this night’s entertainment had been a bit on the unimpressive side and other hunters were great for blowing off steam. Another option was just a run of the mill serial killer and honestly, wouldn’t it be kind of funny to watch him try and kill a slayer?

Rolling down his window slowly, very aware of where every weapon in his car was currently stashed, Owen dimmed the headlights to a less aggressive glow and popped his head out the window. “Rough night?”

—

Slowing to a stop as the car did, the opposing forces found themselves at a stalemate. Leviathan just stood and watched, corners of its mouth twitching up into a slight smile as it noticed the window begin to roll down. The lights dimmed, allowing a better view of the person inside, and that smile broadened. 

Fingers caked in blood curled tightly into the fabric of the corpse’s jeans, hefting the lower half of a person after it as it stepped closer. Nothing about its pace or movements were sudden—languid was the name of the game, tonight. 

“Rough? No…” it purred, gaze raking over the car before settling back on the driver. “Quite nice, actually.” A slow turn of its head let it look back at the remains of its dinner, and with a sigh, it released its grip and let the leg drop back into the dirt with its twin. Those filthy hands then came to prop themselves against the car door, settling over the gap where the window hid as the demon lowered itself into a crouch. The expression it wore was… still very much resembled an animal more than a man, except perhaps for that smile that had yet to leave its lips. 

“Don’t suppose you… know somewhere a fella can wash off the remains of dinner, hm?”

—

Green eyes flickered from the torn up jeans to the man dragging them along, strolling casually. Whoever this was, they weren’t afraid of witnesses. Whether they didn’t care about being caught or didn’t plan on leaving a witness… well, Owen had never shied away from a good gamble. Even so, one hand did rest on his knee, close enough to grab the knife from his boot. Just in case. Unless this man was taking tips from smugglers, he looked unarmed. 

The smell of blood wafted up the closer the stranger got, reminding Owen of times pushed deep behind walls and for a moment, he expected those carefree eyes to flash red. They didn’t but something in them hinted at a less-than-human interior. Definitely something different, new. Dangerously exciting, exacerbated by the tone of the man’s voice. 

Leaning back in his seat as stained hands rested on the car, Owen got a better look at the man. Despite the languid movements, the challenge was palpable. There was no sense of fear, nor shame at being caught stark naked and dragging the scene of a crime along. Like they had done this a million times before. A few of the slayer’s theories were buried when the man spoke - dinner. The discarded body, or what remained of it, didn’t look like the remnants of an animal attack. Odds of it being a shifter felt slim. 

Pausing for a moment, fingers drumming against the wheel and gaze never leaving the other’s, holding a challenge of their own, he finally spoke. “If it keeps me from ending up like that poor fucker, I guess I could give you a ride.” Always better to be an accomplice than a witness, right?

The door’s lock clicked before it swung open, long legs swinging out and bringing Owen to stand in front of this strange creature, whatever he was. And yeah, he was maybe a little bit pleased to have an inch or two on the other man - it was something to hold onto when faced with what would have been an intimidating display of confidence to anyone less cocky than the slayer. “Not spending tomorrow deep cleaning the fucking seats, though.” Cocky or not, Owen never took his eyes off the stranger as he moved for the trunk of the car, popping it open to retrieve a blanket. A blanket that, if closely examined, definitely had some old blood stains of its own. 

—

Ah, good. The night wouldn’t be spent wandering through the trees until it reached the sea, then. Wherever this stranger decided to drive them was a non-issue; Leviathan had no fear of being compromised. The man’s apparent interest was enough to give the demon confidence that it wasn’t walking into a trap, or at least not one that it couldn’t handle. 

It’d handled the one that was half eaten in the middle of the road, after all. 

Rising to its feet and stepping back as the locks clicked, Leviathan’s gaze tracked the stranger with a glint of curiosity—it wasn’t exactly a normal situation that they found themselves in, but the taller of them (impressively so) seemed completely unbothered. It made the creature wonder what else he got up to during his free time. Hm. Could be fun, after all. 

“Fair…” it muttered, accepting the bloodstained blanket and draping it around its shoulders, adding to the menagerie of stories told by darkened fabric. Fully abandoning the mess of gore in the road, Leviathan circled around to the passenger side door and tugged it open, dropping into the seat with all the grace of a lion after a large meal. 

Lifting a hand to its face, the demon used the blanket to briefly swipe at the blood that clung to its beard, glancing down at the fabric as it pulled back. Then its dark gaze slid over to meet the stranger’s, chin tilted down for a moment, lending an intensity to the stare that dissipated as it cocked its head back instead. “I’m Levi. Don’t care where you take me, so long as there’s water.” 

—

With the car on the move again, Owen kept his eyes on the lit up road, well aware of the searing gaze on the side of his face. The plan had been to go home but at the stranger’s request, he figured a pit stop might be smart. His neighbors had caught enough glimpses of oddities for now. Odds were that he’d be finishing the drive alone but this Levi had piqued his interest enough to possibly be offered a place to rest for the night. Well, mostly rest. Provided that the man, large body packed into the compact car in an almost comedic way, didn’t fall asleep on the way towards ‘some water.’ 

“Owen,” he provided back, questions burning on his tongue. “We talking like a shower or… body of water?” he finally asked since there was not a lot of information provided at this point. For someone with a bloodied and definitely deadly man in his car, Owen was the picture of calm. If this Levi decided he wanted to get rid of the slayer, well… at least he wasn’t going down without a fight. If not, then it was always nice to learn more about this town’s oddities. In a purely academic way, of course. 

One hand still on the wheel, Owen dug around for the pack of cigarettes with the other, shaking one out before passing the lighter over to Levi. “A hand?” he asked around the cigarette in his mouth, leaning over to allow for the other to assist him in lighting it. Something he could, and had very often done, by himself while driving but what was the fun in that?

—

With a lazy shrug, Leviathan let its head roll back against the headrest, glancing out the window. “Doesn’t matter… baptisms these days, y’know, they don’t take much.” The sound of the cigarettes rattling around in their pack drew its attention back to the driver’s seat and it smirked as it was offered the lighter. Taking it wordlessly, the demon flicked it to life with its left hand, holding it aloft for Owen and waiting patiently for him to inhale and ignite the grit. “These things’ll kill you, you know,” it mused with a lopsided grin, plucking the cigarette from the man’s mouth before he could move away, popping it in its own mouth to take a drag. It maintained eye contact with him the entire time, looking pretty amused with itself as it flipped the grit around again and leaned in closer than was necessary to return it to its home between the other’s lips once it was done. 

“Where you takin’ me, anyway?”

—

Owen snorted a laugh, reminded of the cross in its place around his neck. For someone who had worn it since childhood, he was astoundingly atheist, and honestly a bit annoyed that it had to be this around his neck to ward off vampires. “Don’t think a baptism is going to save you now,” he retorted, even though no actual answer had been provided as to why the man cared so much about a water source. Other than the obvious fact of washing off the drying blood. 

Green eyes glinted when the unofficial game of chicken continued, his cigarette now lined with a red rim where Levi’s lips had wrapped around it. “That’s giving me a pretty high life expectancy. You know, for someone who invited you for a ride.” With the return of the cigarette came another fresh wave of that tangy, iron laced smell. Despite all the years passed and effort put into distancing himself from that time in his life, Owen’s body had not completely forgotten. That amused, hungry look coupled with the smell and now, with the cigarette back in his mouth, the taste of blood; conditioning was a hell of a thing, his own blood rushing in practiced anticipation.

“Mm,” Owen mused, blowing out smoke. “My original plan was just to head home. Have a drink, moan about the unreliable quality of one night stands these days.” A pause and a glance in Levi’s direction. “There is a shower, if that interests you. The neighbors have honestly seen worse, they know better than to ask questions. Otherwise I’m open to suggestions.” Was bringing this man back to where he lived borderline suicidal? Probably, but the risk did make it that much more enticing. And maybe, if he was lucky, he’d get some answers from him later on. 

—

“No? Well, it’ll be fun, anyway. Makes me feel good n’ sinful,” Leviathan answered with a smirk. As the smoke curled around its lips, painted arm drawing back toward its body now that the cigarette was safely in the other’s possession, the demon let out a hum. “Good point. Kind of a… fucked up thing to do, isn’t it?” It gave Owen a once-over, despite the dark interior of the car, finding it easy enough to see with those animalistic eyes. The question was rhetorical because of course it was a fucked up thing to do, they both obviously knew that, and Leviathan was into it. 

It seemed Owen might’ve been a bit, too. 

“Unreliable? That’s a shame. I’d hate for a fella kind as you to end a night unsatisfied.” A shower would do just fine. “It’s settled, then. Take me home with you. I’ll be sure to make up for the favor.”

—

A fucked up thing to do? Owen hummed back, fingers flexing on the wheel. “Definitely not the worst,” he replied simply. After this many years of reckless behavior and what some would consider a lack of conscience, Owen had racked up a decent list of ‘fucked up’ things. A pleased nod was all the response Levi got once he accepted the offer, car shifting gears and speeding up.

The good thing about the middle of the night was the lack of curious observers. Always prepared for the worst, Owen had already fabricated some bullshit story about the blood drenched and blanket covered man he was leading up the staircase but it proved unnecessary. Leading him into the apartment, past the door that still bore marks of the last vampire break in, Owen gestured towards the bathroom. 

“Make yourself at home.” Heading straight for the kitchen, he pulled out a nice bottle of tequila, holding it up for the other man to see. “You don’t exclusively eat people, right?”

—

A curious gaze settled upon the marks on the door, lingering as they passed through the threshold. Right, well, that made some sense, considering the company he seemed to keep—it was a nugget of information on the stranger that Leviathan stored away for later, its attention refocusing as it stepped fully inside the apartment. It first looked to where the bathroom was, then let its gaze follow Owen into the kitchen. The appearance of a bottle of amber-colored liquor brought a lazy smile to its face, and it shook its head. “Not exclusively, no,” it answered slowly, letting the blanket slip free from its shoulders to drop to the floor. “Back in a flash…” 

The wash was expeditious—enough to keep it from getting blood all over everything it touched, but not really enough to fully erase the coppery smell that still clung to it, particularly in its long hair. Good enough for the purposes of what remained of the night, it thought, exiting the shower and using a fresh towel to pat dry before securing it low around its waist. It took in more details of the apartment as it moved through the hall, back to where it had left Owen, expectant and likely impatient. He seemed the type. 

—

With little else to do, since he couldn’t even snoop through the man’s belongings while he waited, Owen went to clean the bloody footprints in his apartment. Perhaps better to not have some stranger’s DNA all over his apartment if a murder investigation went through. Even though the half of a man that had been left on the side of a road didn’t exactly look like he’d been killed by a human. Which still begged the question of what exactly Levi was. 

The two poured glasses were waiting patiently when Levi reappeared, just as Owen was throwing away his gloves, unmarked bottle of sodium percarbonate still sitting on the counter. “You better be worth the cleaning,” he commented casually, handing the other man a glass before leaning back against the counter, letting his eyes trail over the now clean view. “So,” he started, swirling the liquid before taking a sip, “you’re not undead but if there is a risk of you turning into a giant wolf or bear or whatever the hell else there is, I’d appreciate just being prepared beforehand.” 

He probably could have waited until after, maybe should have waited, but curiosity was hard to keep under wraps. Even with other temptations standing right in front of him. 

—

The remark was met with a cocky smirk and perhaps even a small scoff—Leviathan was always worth it. Didn’t matter what that ‘it’ was, you really couldn’t do much better than have a bonafide greater demon on your side, particularly one that had shed all the old ways.

“A giant wolf?” Leviathan chuckled, shaking its head. “No. Not a shifter—not like that, anyway. Though I can take any form I please, but I have a few favorites.” It glanced down at itself, then gave a small shrug. “This is one of them, actually.” As it looked back up at Owen, gaze meeting his over the rim of the glass as it took a sip, it knew the question that was begging to be asked. It was one the demon had heard thousands of times in dozens upon dozens of different scenarios over the last several centuries, since humans had had the wits about them to ponder such things. And, as always, the answer it gave was simple: 

“There’s nothing quite like me, Owen,” it purred, stepping up close to the slayer. Its free hand slid up his chest, stopping over the top of the necklace he wore, fingers pressing the cross against his collarbone. “The idiots that wrote The Good Book seem to have a lot of terrible things to say about me, but as usual, they pretty significantly missed the mark.”

—

As vague as the man - creature - was being, this was still more information than Owen had previously been working with. Something different and definitely more powerful than a run of the mill shifter judging from the chuckle. Curiosity was a strangely powerful aphrodisiac, especially mixed with the knowledge that if Levi so pleased, he could probably tear the slayer to pieces. Not one to relinquish control over… well, anything, this unspoken shift in dynamic was a rare sort of high. 

Only through pure stubbornness did Owen’s breath stay steady as strong hands slid across his chest, the only visible response being his pupils dilating. Those things weren’t quite under conscious control. “Can’t say I’ve read it,” he replied, voice low. Something goddamn biblical. Seemed about right. One hand reached up in return, thumb swiping across the crook of Levi’s neck, pulling back with the blood removed from the other’s skin now staining his finger. 

“Maybe give me some of the highlights of what those idiots got wrong, then?” A final sip from the glass, leaving it empty before he placed it on the counter, hands now free to pull off his shirt. Just to make sure he wasn’t giving the impression that he only wanted to talk. 

—

Mirroring the other’s action, Leviathan downed what remained in the glass and leaned in close to reach past Owen, depositing it on the counter beside its mate. As it pulled back again, Owen was busy removing his shirt, making them a little more even in the area of nudity. The demon smiled, half-lidded eyes dancing over the other man’s bare chest. “Well,” it began in a breathy tone, grasping Owen by the waist with one hand and pulling him closer, dark gaze darting up the slight incline to meet the slayer’s own, “for one thing, they tried to call me the embodiment of envy, which is silly. Lust, maybe,” it breathed on Owen’s neck, chin tilting up to brush those lips over the other’s ear, “But envy? Nothing to be envious of. For what, exactly, does a god want?” It hooked its thumb over the top of Owen’s pants, then, teeth grazing the sensitive skin of his neck. “They also claimed I was annihilated, but… I feel pretty alive.”

—

With every legitimate sense Owen possessed, this being in front of him seemed human. The skin underneath the slayer’s roaming hands gave no inclination to what hid underneath, he looked and sounded like any other and smelled… well, he smelled like Owen’s soap which was a surprising little thrill. But it was all true, wasn’t it? A gut feeling tried to awaken the dull alarm bell in his mind when those eyes met his own, something innate told him to fear the low rumble of the other’s voice. Warning signs that were all ignored, of course, but proved that there was something holier-than-thou currently dragging its teeth over his neck and sending shivers down his spine. 

“I have an idea of what you might want at this moment,” Owen couldn’t help but tease, even though teasing was getting to be a bit too little at the moment. Even so, slender fingers wrapped around Levi’s wrist, halting the tug at his jeans. “You’re making my expectations pretty high, y’know?” he breathed, head tilting down, breath mixing with Levi’s from the proximity of their lips. “Sure you can match up to them?”

—

Being stopped was not how this typically went, and Leviathan smiled after a half-second of hesitation. “Never had a problem with it before,” it answered, head canting slightly to the side. “Don’t see why that should start now.” It let itself linger there for a moment, drinking in the other’s carefully restrained desire as their lips lightly brushed together. But then it spoke instead of the more obvious action it could have taken, one hand darting up to grip Owen by the back of his neck, the other bracing against the small of his back. 

“I am not a patient extra-dimensional creature,” it said against his skin. “And I think I’ve shown excellent restraint thus far. So you’re going to take me to your room, and you’re going to do as I say, understand?” Now it initiated firmer contact of their mouths, teeth caging the man’s lower lip between them for a beat, feeling perhaps sharper than they ought to have. “I’m still a little peckish, after all.” It was a threat made in good humor, but it also wasn’t empty. It figured Owen probably understood that at this point.

—

It was brief, barely noticeable - the slightest pause in response to Owen’s actions. Under normal circumstances, riling someone up was a fairly standard thing to do. When dealing with a creature whose victim Owen had seen and left in the middle of the road somewhere, it probably bordered on suicidal. But fuck if it wasn’t worth it, fingers grasping his neck in a vice grip that held much more strength than the body in front of him should have possessed. The rumbling voice, the demands, made him feel faint in a way that was probably really fucking problematic but that didn’t register at the moment. 

For the second time this evening, the bitter taste of blood appeared in his mouth, lip split open just so by what felt like sharp teeth and oh, that was a bundle of feelings to be unraveled at a later point. After only the slightest of pauses, figuring he’d tested his luck enough for now, Owen’s fingers found the edge of the towel and tugged. “Fair enough,” he breathed and, in a very rare instance of obedience, did as he was told. 

—

Even with Owen’s ‘high expectations’, Leviathan seemed to be fully capable of meeting and surpassing them. With cleanup out of the way, the demon was free to make itself comfortable in the stranger’s bed, announcing that it would be staying, and Owen could take it home in the morning. It was telling, not asking. Not unlike a recently-fed gator, the man-shaped creature had chosen its spot and would not be moved until it felt like moving. 

“Now that we’ve seen to our baser instincts,” it began in a low, soothing tone, “was there anything more specific you were hoping to ask me?” Leviathan was never one to turn down an opportunity to talk about itself, and since they still had however many hours left until the sun rose, it figured now was a great time to address the curiosity that had clearly been eating away at the other before things had taken a more heated turn.

—

There was very little to complain about. His healing would take care of any bruises before they really had a chance to form and the taste of blood had mostly left his mouth, the rest washed away by the second round of tequila Owen had brought over once Levi had made his plans known. He wasn’t the cuddling type but rarely went so far as to immediately throw people out to the street in the middle of the night. The fact that Levi had simply stated his wants and expectations, much like before, did stir up Owen’s innate sense of defiance. But he was too content to deal with that now. 

Judging by how well settled Levi looked on the bed, Owen wouldn’t have been surprised if the other had dozed off. Instead, he opened up the conversation from earlier, instantly reawakening the slayer’s curiosity and pushing away all of his own thoughts of sleep. Propping himself up on one elbow to watch the other, looking decidedly human at this very moment, Owen hummed. “Since you don’t always look like an Australian swimwear model, what do you really look like? And what type of thing even are you, if you have a better word than extra-dimensional?”

—

Leviathan let out a soft chuckle, running a hand through the long hair that framed its head on the pillow like a honey and cinnamon halo. “Very to the point, I like that,” it purred, matching the other’s pose as it propped itself on one arm, the other wandering across the space between them to find Owen’s hip. Its gaze fell there as well as it began to speak, eyes flicking up to meet the slayer’s about halfway through the statement. 

“I’m a monster, baby. A thing of fuckin’ nightmares.” It held the other’s gaze, fingers grazing up his side and over the arm that was draped there. “And if you saw what I really look like, the way I look back home… well, you’d lose your damn mind. Too incomprehensible, too vast.” It smiled a toothy smile. “But I do have other bodies I use here, in your dimension. Think… well. Think sea monster, I suppose. That’s what I’ve been called since I first started coming here. The Kraken, Cthulhu, Cetus, Scylla, Jörmungandr, Umibōzu, Yacumama, Tiamat… the list goes on. The one I’m using right now, though, is Leviathan. It has a certain… je ne sais quoi.” That smile lessened, but did not leave entirely. “They call me a demon, but this isn’t your Sunday school variety of malevolence. I dunno who the fuck God is supposed to be, but they’ve got nothing to do with me.”

—

“Subtlety has never been my strong suit,” Owen admitted, grinning at the suddenly soft touch roaming his side. Despite his innate lack of sleep, the slayer was definitely feeling the call of passing the fuck out right about now but even that wouldn’t be enough to keep him from a second round, if prompted. Especially with the otherworldly explanations spilling from Levi’s mouth, stirring the pot of intrigue. For someone who had lived and breathed the world of the supernatural from birth, it was a fun change of pace to be genuinely enthralled by something. “I’ll try to conjure up a mental image from some of my more trippier trips, then,” he joked. 

“And Leviathan definitely makes you sound more fuckable than Jörmungandr, let’s be real,” he agreed, eyes narrowing slightly at the sudden shift in energy. If not connected to the Bible’s bullshit holy purpose, what the hell did a creature fitting Levi’s description even do? Did Levi himself know? “What is your variety of malevolence, then?” Owen prompted, green sparkling with unbridled interest as his eyes focused on the human-yet-not pair staring back. “Besides snacking on people and making some poor bartender cater to your whims.”

—

“I dunno, I think you’ve about got it, there,” Leviathan mused, stalling on giving a real answer for a few moments as it considered the question.

It had no purpose. No drive. It didn’t wish to bend others to its will like so many of its kin—like the one that had all of Wynne’s family beneath its heel. It had done that, and instead of relishing the praise and power given by lesser lifeforms, it had simply grown bored. 

There’s something wrong with you, one of its kind had told it once. You’re broken. Different. You give these creatures too much credit, and you let them take too much of your time. They are beneath you, yet you act like you are one of them. It’s pathetic. Disgusting. Shameful.

Yeah, well, fuck that. 

“Whatever tickles my fancy in the moment, I suppose. I haven’t got a reason to be here other than the free entertainment.” And the child. The child that’d outgrown its influence and whose intrinsic connection to Leviathan was beginning to feel like a burden. An experiment that seemed to have no more surprises in store that the demon wanted to experience. “But,” it added in a lower tone, hand gliding up to Owen’s shoulder only to push it back down into the pillows behind him, allowing Leviathan the leverage to lean over the top of him, “I’m really enjoying making this poor bartender cater to my whims, so I think I’ll keep him, hm?” Even though it ended in a lilted hum, it was not a question.

It figured the human knew that well enough by now.

[albedostartarus]

I don’t want to feel any of the things that I’m feeling right now, I know they aren’t good or rational things but I don’t fucking choose what I feel.

I hate everything about myself I’ve spent the last couple days just wasting away in bed I cry before I sleep I cry when I wake up I jerk off multiple times even though I don’t want to and it doesn’t even do anything. I can’t get a vape anywhere, I can’t get alcohol anywhere, I’m NOT taking another Zyn. all I’ve eaten the past three days is Taco Bell. The only good thing is I’ve sort of managed to stick to my 1000-1200 calorie limit and STILL I look like a fat fucking ugly pile of human waste. I can’t even say anything out loud when I’m crying because it feels disgusting to listen to my voice. I’ve tried pavloving the bad thoughts away by hitting myself as much as I could but it doesn’t work I don’t know how it worked when I was younger but maybe I’m just used to it now. I should try harder

I can’t bring myself to believe that anyone wants to actually love me. I think the only people who want to befriend me are those who are the most amazing people in the world but for the time being okay with the bare minimum. Sometimes it’s because they don’t have a choice like with tanay, or because it’s the easiest option like with z. But I really am not even the bare minimum, I can’t talk to you I can’t do anything helpful I’m simply there and I can’t understand a single fucking thing. Too stupid too ugly too incapable to love or to be loved.

I just want someone to love me in a way that makes me believe they love me even though they have absolutely no reason to. I don’t deserve any of it and I should be discarded it’s what I deserve but I can’t help but want it and I know how stupid and fucking cringe this sounds. Look at me being sad and shit like I have anything to be sad over, I’ve only made other people sad my entire life and now I want a reason to have attention again like I always have. I don’t know why I want all this attention fucking asshole I know I don’t deserve it why do I want it.

I deleted that entire paragraph fucking PERFECT. I hate tumblr and it’s stupid. Ugh

Tanay has his friends and is no longer my best friend I was only his best friend because he didn’t have anyone else in school and even then I was horrible to him during one of the darkest times of his life and how that he’s found his people I’m sad that I’m no longer his best friend instead of being happy for him because nothing has changed and I’m still a horrible fucking person.

It’s the same with zann. I miss her calling me over at stupid hours just to talk and hangout I miss Halloween and her birthday and that time we went on a walk and when I visited her in the wood shop. The night is my favourite time and I loved spending it with my favourite person.

I’m sad that I can’t get my silly little stupid fucking nighttime hang out with my best friend instead of being happy for her like I fucking should because like I said. I’m a selfish, self obsessed horrible fucking person who is incapable of anything except caring about his o n self. I don’t think I’ve ever done a single thing selflessly out of love ONE TIME in my entire pathetic excuse of a life. I’ve said it to myself— hell it’s why I considered dating again— I’ve said it to her and it’s abundantly clear by just being around her, she’s HAPPIER. She said it herself she feels like something in her is fixed and clicked in the right way. She looks, talks and feels so much happier and I AM so so happy about it. Even her family clearly has noticed it of course they incorrectly believe it is me who’s responsible, If anything I was probably why she was that upset to begin with. Incapable fucking pain in the ass that I am.

And now instead of being happy for her and calling it a day, I’m sad that what? My friend is spending time doing what brought on this happiness??? That she finally has someone else in her life in college who makes her so so happy??????????? I should be glad not sad that I don’t get my stupid fucking calls and night hang outs you stupid fucking fat ugly useless horrible excuse for a person you wouldn’t feel any of this if you were ACTUALLY A GOOD FUCKING PERSON. GOOD PEOPLE DONT FEEL JEALOUS OF THEIR FRIENDS’ HAPPINESS THEY ARENT LIKE THIS.

Even Tim and digha, I don’t believe they ever considered me a best friend if I’m being honest but I considered them one! And I was ok with that. Now all I’ve done is distance myself when I’m upset, ignore them when I’m upset, and worst of all make it soooooo clear that I’m upset that they can’t even just walk away like they should and would be 100% valid in doing because who does that. I’ve essentially guilt tripped them into being with me but at the same time I’m taking the time that they are forced to give me and I’m saying hey! I’m miserable sorry I won’t be reciprocating any of this. Fuck you!

It doesn’t matter that I know that I’m a bad person, it doesn’t matter that I know what’s good apart from what’s bad. If I truly wanted to be good, if I genuinely believed and lived as a good person, I would live by these oh so fucking rational thoughts. It’s simple, I know what’s good and what’s bad. And yet, I continue to be a bad person. Nothing has changed since school, I’m still a horrible person I’ve only gotten better at hiding it.

[taj-explorers]

Same Day Taj Mahal Tour By Superfast Train by Car by Taj Explorers Company.

Same Day Taj Mahal Tour by Superfast Train by Taj Explorers Company

Many tourists' top travel goals include seeing the Taj Mahal, and if you happen to be in Delhi, visiting this famous structure in a single day is now more doable than ever. A quick, pleasant, and easy option to take in the splendour of the Taj Mahal and other historical monuments in Agra in a single day is to book the Same Day Taj Mahal Tour by Superfast Train, which is run by Taj Explorers Company.

Why Opt for the Superfast Train? A number of advantages come with taking a rapid train, especially for time-conscious travelers. One of the quickest trains in India, the Gatimaan Express, travels from Delhi to Agra in about two hours, making it a great choice for a productive day excursion. You not only save time, but you also get to experience a luxurious travel with all the contemporary conveniences and beautiful vistas of rural India.

Summary of the Taj Explorers Company Tour This tour has been carefully planned by Taj Explorers Company to provide you an enriching experience without the stress of lengthy driving or maneuvering through traffic. This tour promises an unforgettable day discovering Agra's most well-known sites, along with professional guides, efficient transports, and all-inclusive amenities.

A Comprehensive Schedule for the Same-Day Superfast Train Tour of the Taj Mahal Departure from Delhi in the morning Your day starts with a pickup early in the morning from your Delhi hotel. You will board the Gatimaan Express at the Hazrat Nizamuddin Railway Station after being transported there. Breakfast is given on board this 8:10 AM train, which provides a swift and comfortable ride to Agra.

Reaching Agra and Making Your Way to the Taj Mahal Your driver and tour guide will meet you when you arrive in Agra at approximately 9:50 AM. You may visit the Taj Mahal after a quick journey, and while there, you'll have lots of time to explore and take in the breathtaking grandeur of this famous landmark.

Examining the Taj Mahal Especially in the beautiful morning light, the Taj Mahal is a pleasure to behold. Your guide will share fascinating details about the design, construction, and love tale that surround this magnificent tomb. You'll have lots of time to explore the gardens, snap pictures, and see the exquisite marble inlay work.

Experiencing the Agra Fort After seeing the Taj Mahal, you'll go to the Agra Fort, which is included as another UNESCO World Heritage site. With its many palaces, mosques, and gardens, this enormous red sandstone fortification housed the Mughal emperors. Your tour guide will walk you through the fort's history, emphasizing its importance and its place in earlier India.

Lunch at a Neighborhood Spot After that, you'll savor a delectable lunch at a reputable neighborhood eatery. Before continuing your tour, this is a perfect chance to unwind and try some of the local specialties.

A trip to the Baby Taj (Itimad-ud-Daulah's tomb) You will end your tour of Agra with the Tomb of Itimad-ud-Daulah, also known as the "Baby Taj." The superb marble work and tranquil surroundings of this magnificent monument are well-known. Before returning to the train station, it's a serene place to consider the events of the day.

Nighttime Train Return to Delhi After your evening drive, you will join the Gatimaan Express, which leaves at 5:50 PM, back at the Agra Railway Station. As you unwind and savor the ride back to Delhi, dinner is served onboard. It would be around 7:30 PM when you get in Delhi.

, after a day full of fascinating history, stunning views, and unforgettable experiences, your driver will be there to drive you back to your hotel.

Time Efficiency Advantages of Superfast Train Travel For those who like to see as much of Agra as possible without spending hours on the road, the superfast train option is ideal. One of the fastest routes between Delhi and Agra is the Gatimaan Express, which travels the distance between these two cities in less than two hours.

Cozy and Practical There is just no comfort quite like that which comes with taking the train. Air conditioning, cozy seating, and onboard catering are just a few of the contemporary conveniences on board the Gatimaan Express. This facilitates a hassle-free and enjoyable travel experience.

Sceneries Seen Along the Way Views of the beautiful countryside will greet you as you journey through the center of India. This provides a view into rural India that is typically unavailable when going by car, with its fields, villages, and vistas.

What the Tour Package Does Not Include Train Passes and Handling All required transfers in Agra are included in the travel package, as well as round-trip tickets on the Gatimaan Express. Everything is arranged for you starting from the time you check out of your Delhi hotel and ending with your nighttime return.

Admission Fees and Guided Tour Throughout the day, you will be accompanied by a knowledgeable local guide who will offer insightful commentary and historical background at every location. There are no additional expenses to worry about because the package includes all monument entry fees.

Dinner and Appetizers Along with lunch at a respectable Agra restaurant, the itinerary includes breakfast and dinner served on the train. In order to keep you hydrated and energized during the day, refreshments are also offered.

Precautions and Safety Measures COVID-19 Safety Guidelines Your health and safety are very important to Taj Explorers Company. The tour complies with all COVID-19 regulations, such as vehicle sanitization and social distancing measures. Throughout the trip, hand sanitizers are provided, and masks are required.

Generally Good Advice for Travel Safety When traveling, it's wise to be organized. To guarantee a secure and joyful trip, wear appropriate apparel and footwear, drink plenty of water, and pay attention to your guide's recommendations.

Information on Cost and Reservations Ways to Reserve the Tour It's easy to reserve the Same Day Taj Mahal Tour with Superfast Train. Via the Taj Explorers Company website, you can make direct reservations or get help by contacting customer care. Reservations should be made in advance, especially during the busiest travel times.

Details of Prices and Included Items Taking into account the ease of use and extensive features offered, the tour is reasonably priced. This package offers great value for money and includes train tickets, transfers, entrance fees, guided tours, and meals.

Reviews Showcasing the Superfast Train Experience: Testimonials from Previous Passengers Those who have chosen this tour frequently comment on how comfortable and efficient the really quick train ride is. Many value the well-planned schedule since it makes for a full day of exploring without the weariness of a lengthy journey.

Reasons Visitors Suggest This Tour Due to the smooth experience, the experienced guides, and the ease of rail travel, previous guests have recommended this tour time and time again. It's especially popular with people who don't have much time but still want to see the best of Agra.

Common Questions and Answers (FAQs) What is the duration of the journey? Train travel is one of the fastest ways to get from Delhi to Agra; the trip takes about one hour and forty minutes.

What degree of comfort is there on the train? With roomy seats, air conditioning, and onboard meals, the Gatimaan Express provides an excellent degree of luxury, guaranteeing a relaxing trip.

Is it possible for me to modify the tour? The Taj Explorers Company does indeed provide customizing choices. They will try their best to fulfill any unique requirements; you can discuss your preferences with them while making your reservation.

Are families able to go on this tour? Without a doubt. All ages of travelers can enjoy this family-friendly excursion. Families with little children or elderly relatives will find the train ride very convenient.

Say there's a delay in the train. Should there ever be a rare train delay, your schedule might be modified appropriately. The Taj Explorers Company will make sure you still get to experience the tour's main attractions.

In conclusion Travelers who wish to see the wonders of Agra without the strain of a lengthy journey might consider the Same Day Taj Mahal Tour offered by Superfast Train. This trip provides the ideal balance of convenience and immersion in India's rich history thanks to its well-planned schedule, plush accommodations, and knowledgeable guides.

Last Word Take advantage of the chance to see the Taj Mahal and other historical attractions in Agra in all their glory. Prepare for a day filled with priceless memories by scheduling your Same Day Taj Mahal Tour by Superfast Train with Taj Explorers Company right now.

[nataliesilverman]

I find vampire allegory a bit flawed.

If you go with the race angle, you're injecting tangible biological differences in reproduction, diet, neurological differences, and environment into the fray.

Like vampires EAT people. They're apex predators, and if you say they're demons, they're an invasive species. If you go with hte virus angle, they're a plague. I have never liked this idea because it's an outright racist/eugenicist/racialist narrative.

Class is another mess but it is still flawed depending on how your vampires work. If they're demons, we've got a political element due to a foreign invasion/globalism undertone. Things from another world coming into yours and picking off the most vulnerable in society has protectionist vibes. So I still don't really like this. This can be viewed as an immigration issue, with foreigners coming in to commit and defile our women. Maybe not a DIRECT parallel, as vampires don't often have the numbers to replace a significant number of human jobs, but I can say society would benefit from them working night shift, but that also depends on if they abuse their positions to break into houses and eat people while they sleep, so...maybe also not the best narrative to have.

But then there's the classic ol' Wealth and Royalty allegory. Your Dracula type. An aristocrat who bleeds the land dry and has aspirations of world dominance. I kind of view this as the only real acceptable allegory for a vampire narrative. A single intelligent predator who's extremely difficult to kill, who sires an elite army of loyalists and simps. Doesn't really do a lot of working outside of biting people to indocrinate them to capitalism, and spending time with a harem of female vampires. But this can also be used as a populist narrative to inspire paranoia. "Who amogus is a vampire?"

Like when I get asked why I have vampires in my narrative when I have them feed on cloned blood, walk around in the sun (which the OG Dracula COULD DO so shut the fuck up already) but I don't use any of the common tropes, this is why. I feels ethically wrong to take societal issues and attach biology to them. That's eugenicist propaganda with a fantastical coat of paint slapped on it. It's best to view vampires as they are; people who feed on the blood of others. In a scifi setting, I feel they would very quickly resort to slavery or blood cloning. Even the demonic aspect seems off to me, because these thousands of years old spirits who possess humans seem rather unintelligent like animals and it always leaves me wondering why they're so dumb. Like a predator that looks human is an imitation predator. It would NEED a high IQ to blend in unless it just lives in the sewers until nighttime. In which case like, humans would catch on and either clean out their hideouts or just fumigate them. In the case of vampires using humans as livestock, there are some interesting narratives in that. What is human and who are more valuable? Is it unavoidable? Can they just eat animal blood or is this racism? Vampires using cloned blood is the most appealing to me because it offers open dialog and coexistence with humans. It turns human civilization into a multi-civilization society and there is not enough of that in fantasy or scifi. These genres tend to be very human-centric and it interests me to have an augmented perspective on humanity.

[blue-opossum]

Sam and Dean Read to Me; More

        Sam and Dean Read to Me; More

        Saturday morning, 14 October 2023

        Images: A.I. renderings based on dream content

        Proto-Cognizant Casting and Staging:

        Actors Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki, while maintaining a cheerful demeanor, sit in a field in daylight. (My dreaming mind summons the imaginary presence of celebrities to prevent associations with real life, which would otherwise demean and corrupt memory and cognizance. It occurs naturally in a liminal state similar to watching television solely for entertainment when there is little or no real-world attentiveness.)

        I am not present at their location. I see and communicate with them from an undefined mental space (as I do not yet have imaginary physical integration with the dream state). I see text in a book, but it first seems to be that of a woman writing about cosmetics, though more as if advertising her business. Eventually, it becomes a fictitious "Supernatural" (television series) novel without much cohesion. 

        They read about four pages each until I say when they can stop because I realize they will probably get tired of reading so much at a time out loud. I start thinking about being with Zsuzsanna at a park, but then I know it does not matter if they spend time reading to me because they are not real. I perceive details (forgotten) about halfway into the book before I again consider finding Zsuzsanna. The two actors are still cheerful and oblige me.

        It is suddenly nighttime, and I am in an unknown park with Zsuzsanna and our two youngest children. There is an ambiguous attentiveness to Arabic people preparing to set fire to a park shelter at a distance from where we are. My dreaming mind renders it incorrectly as having loose wooden planks for a floor, which will burn more easily. Zsuzsanna wants to remain, but I think we should leave.

        Thoughts of fire correspond with an increase in precursory consciousness and mentation, though not wakefulness in this case. Instead, it triggers another predominant response to REM sleep. I physiologically react to the nuances of REM atonia.

        Slope Navigation and Kinesthetic Staging:

        I find myself walking in an unknown business district, probably in Brisbane. I realistically ascend stairs that I cannot see because there is no imagery with this mode of kinesthetic staging (as only my vestibular cortex engages here). As I walk - I think, "This is my usual response to REM sleep." However, I do not indulge in "walking with intent."

        Once I reach the top of the staircase, I know I will have to walk over a bridge that is also ambiguously a hallway inside the building. Although I briefly consider how impossible the inference is, I still walk through the unseen structure. It is like walking through an unseen liminal space, where only a suspended but stable platform exists, with vague thoughts of walls (without doors) on each side.

        Imaginary imagery occurs again as I look out of a second-floor window and see Zsuzsanna and our two youngest children on the sidewalk below. She has tears of joy upon "finally" finding me as she looks up. I tell her where I will be - at a different building with the predetermined essence of the hotel we stayed at in Brisbane in September.

        When I am in the "hotel," it is more like a homeless shelter. I am on the second floor. An unfamiliar black man of about forty is crying near his doorway. Protoconsciouness finally appears as the manager. He asks me if I am okay, and I tell him I am. I expect Zsuzsanna will arrive, but my dream fades at this point as I look out the window.

[ackermonie]

im coming here again with some more soft-ish gojo

i feel like satoru wouldn’t be the self-conscious in a relationship. i feel like he’d completely trust you, because if he didn’t, he really wouldn’t just risk it all and be with you this way.

you’d trust him too. it would obviously take time, given his infamous reputation, but you would.

so gojo isn’t really bothered at first when you start to be a little more closed off than usual with him. be it when you just simply smile after he kisses you, or when he tries to start a conversation and your replies would just be a bunch of ‘ah’s and ‘mhm’s, if ther are any at all, but the consistency of it begins to get on his nerves.

you barely saw one another throughout that week. he’s busy, you’re busy, you only get to see eachother at nighttime and occasionally he’d get a glimpse of you in the morning before you leave for the day, despite that he always has been first to get out of bed while you sulk behind.

his petty ass starts to give you back the same attitude a a couple of days afterwards, and it pissed him off further when it looked like you didn’t even notice.

the cycle continues for a few more days, and satoru gets even more petty as the seconds go on because why the fuck are you treating him like that for no reason?? it’s not like you to keep shit bottled up without communication if he fucks something up, so he gets to be pissed all he wants.

what he doesn’t notice tho, is your fucked up sleep cycle, or lack thereof. he doesn’t spend the days with you to notice just how little your food intake is, and he only notices the dark circles under your eyes when it was too late.

you were leaning on the bathroom counter when he walks in. your eyes are squeezed shut, and gojo wasn’t aware someone can look so pale.

he freezes at the door frame for a few seconds, watching as you shake your head and bend down to splash some cold water on your face, but your hand slips.

you didnt even get the chance to get close to the tiled floor. a hand is secure around your waist while the other pushes at your chest until your back was flush against a solid figure, and you don’t understand why fight suddenly left your body as you turned into putty in gojo’s hands.

“satoru,” you try to call.

he slips a hand under your knees and slips you up bridal style, your head falling to his chest limply. there was a second of wooshing air before you feel the softness of your mattress underneath you.

“stupid, stupid,” gojo mumbles to himself. a hand slips to your face, and he delivers little tap-taps to your cheek. “hey, sweets. open your eyes up for me, huh?”

“i just…” you attempt a grab at his forearm. “give me a few seconds.”

“okay, okay, yeah.” satoru gives your body a do-over in a spiral of uncharacteristic panic. you’re not visibly hurt anywhere except for the light bruises on your calf, but that doesn’t calm down his nerves. “better be only a few seconds before i call shoko right fucking now.”

“don’t call anyone,” your eyes are still closed when you grab a clutch of the material of bis shirt. your voice is breathy yet choked. “i’m gonna be fine. just—“

he teleports away before you can finish your sentence, and your hand is suddenly grasping on air. you sigh out, letting your forearm fall to your forehead instead as you try to regulate your breathing, but you feel another woosh of air before a voice is booming in the room.

Gojo dumps the plastic wraps in his hand by your side and puts the glass of water he got on the nightstand.

“i got you sugar. you look like you need sugar. you look like you need plenty, actually.” he rambles and you feel yourself being pulled in a sitting position where your head perfectly falls to the crook of his neck.

right then, you both feel the world go silent.

you haven’t been in each other’s arms in some time. satoru is dumbfounded as he looks down at your face from his position, and he sees that your eyes are no longer squeezed shut. the peace on your features calms him down just a bit, and he has no other choice but to let go of the candy wrappers and wrap his arms around you.

“i’m just overworked.” you whisper a bit too weakly for gojo’s liking. he rests his cheek on the top of your head. “i’m fine.”

“you’re not fine,” he mumbles, shifting his position so he can be even closer to you. “you barely have any color in your cheeks.” he looks down at you when he feels your head shift, only to find a very fucking exhausted gaze looking up at him.

and he’s stupid. he’s fucking stupid for acting petty without communicating the way you always ask him to do. you are feather light in his arms, as a consequence, the way your cheeks are hollow make him loosen his grip on you because you do be looking very breakable.

“i’m sorry it took me so long to notice,” he tells you, and you can’t help yourself when a hand slips to his nape, and you pull yourself up enough to plant a kiss to his cheek. “i’m dumb. i thought you were mad at me.”

“i would’ve told you, ‘toru,” you tug him down to the mattress with you. instead of the other way around, the over-grown sorcerer’s head lands on your chest as you slip a hand in his hair. “let’s just nap a bit more before we head out, mhm?”

“head out? your ass isn’t leaving this damn bed until i put some fucking food in you.”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

more?

[traumxrei-archive]

【 noble gentlemen; diasomnia 】

— or, the noble gentlemen series, in which the genre of the world is historical fantasy, and you and the twst boys are citizens of a distant magical land !

details: gn! reader, drabbles, can be read platonically or romantically, warning !! mention of blood (sebek) and drinking (lilia)

note: ahhh sorry for being so late on this one :'))) had a busy day or two and i didn't have time to edit n post this until now sjkfdjskf but i hope you enjoy this nonetheless <33

[ part two out of seven in the noble gentlemen series ]

Malleus Draconia. As a citizen of a kingdom he will one day inherit, it was only natural that you knew the crown prince's name. And while the crown prince had never made a public appearance, there were always those that spoke of his prowess in battle as well as his talent in magic. Though the descriptions of him varied, everyone agreed on two things: that the crown prince was a cold and untouchable existence, and he had the characteristic horns of the royal bloodline.

So it happened to shock you when you were taking a nighttime stroll near the palace to see a young man leap over the castle walls.

Startlingly green eyes met yours and you quickly turned to walk away when you heard his voice calling to you, "Wait! I...did not mean to startle you." You looked at him once more, taking in his...horns. Could he be...? No, but what crown prince walked around wearing a simple white shirt and training pants?

He seemed to follow your gaze, scratching the back of his head, "Ah, please don't think badly of me, it gets a little stuffy at the palace after all." He took a few steps forward, a kind smile on his face, "My name is...Mal. Would you let me join you on your stroll?" You agreed to his request.

You guessed that he was some sort of knight in training who snuck out to have fun in the city. And from the way knights trained without rest, you couldn't blame him. Thus started your nightly strolls with the mysterious Mal.

———

Mal was very fascinated by old architecture. He would spend countless hours of your nightly strolls scrutinizing different buildings around the city. He had them all memorized, from the techniques to create the intricate plastering of the Grand Theater, to the way gargoyles are meticulously carved from stone by hand. Much to his delight, you had snuck him over to your estate to see its exterior.

"Your house has simply magnificent gargoyles," He said mirthfully, and it was the most excited that you had seen Mal since you met him. “They will keep the walls nice and clean. And they look a tad bit fearsome don’t they?” You agreed and he chuckled, “They will surely scare away anyone with potential bad intentions, don’t you think?” You…never really thought of it like that. Since then, you made sure to greet the gargoyles whenever you left, thinking of Mal’s words from that night.

———

Mal had surprisingly childish tastes. You assumed it was so when you two had brought ice cream, of all things, on a particularly chilly night. But your hypothesis was proven correct when you brought a tin of cookies to one of your nightly outings. Mal's eyes glittered as you explained that you baked them by yourself the day before. 

"It is an honor to eat something made by your hand," Mal gave a wide smile before demolishing all the cookies in one sitting. It was actually quite impressive. You made a mental note to give him more cookies next time. Clearly, a knight's diet deprived him of indulging in sweet foods.

———

Mal...was very popular in the city. He was especially popular with the guards. You had to curse your luck as another guard chased the two of you around a corner. This was happening more and more often recently, but you didn’t understand why. And suddenly, you were weightless. There was a hand at the small of your back, and you looked back to see a secretive smile on the man’s face.

"Apologies, it seems that a bit of magic was needed for that escape," Mal murmured into your ear as you two all but flew over the night sky. The view was breathtaking, but your mind nagged you with a different question: who was Mal really? Would guards really chase a fellow knight through the city so frantically? Was the Mal who was capable of such magic feats really just a simple knight? Or was your first guess of him being the crown prince…really true?

The Captain of the Knights Order was quite a lofty position, and it came with lots of fame. As the ones responsible for the safety of the city as well as the crown prince, there was no question that the name “Lightning Commander Silver” was always met with awe and fondness whenever it was spoken by the citizens of the kingdom. You had always quietly cheered on the Knights Order during the festival, content with being able to support them from afar. But what you weren’t expecting was to accidentally meet the Captain himself.

It was during a lively festival that you first met him; under a tree near the outskirts. Silver hair befitting his namesake, and a relaxed expression as birds frolicked around him. It almost looked like a scene out of a painting. You had faintly remembered that the Captain of the Knights Order was amongst the festival goers but...that wasn't really him, right? And it reminded you of the Vice Captain that was busy yelling around to find “Silver”...so maybe this really was him.

Without thinking about it, you called out to him. The man woke up languidly, as if he knew that you posed no real threat to him. "Hmm...who might you be?" Silver blinked. "Ah, I must've fallen asleep. Sebek's going to get worried... Thank you for waking me." You informed him that the Vice Captain was, in fact, looking for him and helped him straighten up his clothes as you walked back to the festival.

He paused before entering the glittering hall, "Allow me to repay the favor for you in some way." There was conviction in those eyes of his that told you refusal wasn't an option. You swallowed, giving him your word. This was the first time you met the sleepy yet kind Captain of the Knights Order.

———

Sir Silver was good with animals. That was the only way you could explain it, with how animals seemed to flock to him in interest. This proved especially troublesome when your favor to him was to have him help with your garden. It wasn’t long before animals started emerging from the woods, intrigued and overall smitten by the presence of the confused and exasperated knight.

"...I apologize for all the chaos," Silver mumbled bashfully, eyeing the various birds perched on his shoulders as well as the critters now running amok in your garden. "I've only caused you more trouble, haven't I?" You shook your head. It was more than delightful to see so many animals roaming your garden without fear. And besides, watching how eager each creature was to be with Silver was slightly funny.

———

Sir Silver was talented at sleeping. It seemed that the man could fall asleep anywhere and at any time he so wished. Even at the times  he didn't expect. Once, you were watching him watering the flowerbed before he stumbled head-first into a wall. You had immediately dropped your book in horror, rushing over to the knight’s aid.

He winced when you cleaned his wound, "...It's a bad habit of mine, to fall asleep at unfortunate times. I’m trying to fix it but it still happens when I get too relaxed..." You couldn't really get mad at him for something he was working hard to prevent. But you were happy to hear that he was more comfortable around you now.

———

As a Knight, it was impossible not to take part in things such as sword fighting competitions. Silver, being the chosen representative of your kingdom, had invited you to come and watch. You came to watch, your curiosity getting the best of you as you had always wondered what Silver would look like when he was in his usual habitat. As his sword clashed with his opponent’s you couldn’t help but think that Silver suited the title of Captain of the Knights Order even more.

You couldn’t get his serious expression out of your head, even as he approached you, “...Is there something on my face, perhaps?” You shook your head, explaining how you thought that the nickname "Lightning Commander" fit him very well.

“...Hmm, I hope it hasn’t startled you,” Silver ducked his head. “Being a knight is my purpose first and foremost after all.” And with that, you found yourself growing a newfound respect for Silver. When he was spending time with you, he was a gentleman, but when it came to his knight duties, you could see his dedication. You thought that Sir Silver was admirable in that way.

Sir Sebek Zigvolt, nicknamed the nation's "Thunder Blade". He was the Vice-Captain of the Knights Order and was famously— or was it infamously?— known for his deep loyalty and admiration towards the Crown Prince. He was also known for his distinctively loud tone of voice, or so people said. And you definitely felt the power of his voice when you first met him.

You were wandering the streets when someone suddenly grabbed your bag and took off. You froze for a moment before starting to give the thief a chase.

That was, until a loud voice almost knocked both you and the thief onto your backs, "YOU! THE THIEF RIGHT THERE! What gives you the right to disturb public order on a day that his Highness has deemed beautiful!"

You watched as the green-haired knight hoisted the thief into the air, throwing him into a pile of straw like it was nothing. The thief seemed to quiver in his boots as the knight picked up your bag.

You thanked the knight and he just scoffed, "Hmph, humans are always so defenseless... Be more vigilant! As a knight of my stature won't be available all the time!" You nodded, wide-eyed, at his words and before you could ask for his name he was gone. From the whispers of the people around you, you realized that you had been saved by the Vice-Captain of the Knights Order, Sir Sebek Zigvolt.

———

The next fateful meeting between you and Sir Sebek was surprisingly at a library. You finally found the book that you were looking for, and just as you were about to grab a step ladder to get it, you saw a hand slipping the very volume you wanted off the shelf.

You turned around, fully ready to complain when a boisterous tone greeted you, "Hmm...so you're interested in this type of literature." You shut your mouth, still confused as to why Sebek was there in the first place.

"It sounds interesting," He said, before finally handing the book to you. "Could I borrow it after you're done reading?" You nodded, still confused as he followed you back to where you were reading. You were even more confused when he pulled out his own book and started reading— but oh well. He wasn't exactly disturbing you. And it was rather nice having a reading buddy.

——— 

Even if you liked silently reading with Sir Zigvolt, you were still curious about him. Whenever you asked questions, he would always respond with short answers or, his favorite, 'You humans shouldn't be so concerned.' So one day you mustered up the courage to ask him about his rumored favorite person: the crown prince.

Sebek had a proud grin on his face as he talked, "His highness is the most magnificent person! He is kind and considerate, and he has very refined tastes too." It was the most you had heard Sebek talk. Ever.

And he even had more to say, "He advises us on many things, though he seemed to have a hobby of sneaking out nowadays… Naturally, I carve his every word and command into my heart."

You laughed softly at his enthusiasm and Sebek immediately flushed, "H-HUMAN! Do not laugh at a great knight such as I! You were the one that inquired about his Highness—!!" Your ears were going to need to get checked after that outburts... But still, it was nice to see how human Sir Zigvolt was, especially when faced with his favorite conversation topic.

———

Sir Sebek took his duties as a knight very seriously. Once you had approached him while he was patrolling and he had scolded you lightly for it. 'I'm here for the safety of the citizens. We can talk when I have free time, human.'

So when you spotted the telltale green of his hair, you opted not to approach him. Well that was, until you saw someone directing a hateful glare toward him. You moved as soon as you saw a glint of something sharp. You knew it was stupid. You were sure that Sebek could defend against the attack better than you could. But you still pushed the knight away.

"H-human!" Sebek was rightfully startled, before his eyes hardened at the way the blood was trickling down your arm. "You're bleeding... They will pay for this." You clutched at the wound as Sebek drew his sword. There was a fearsome expression on his face as he fought. It wasn't long before he struck, using the flat side of his sword to finally subdue the culprit.

You gulped as Sebek turned to you, a crease between his brows, "HUMAN! Y-YOU ARE STILL BLEEDING! I need to take you to Master Lilia so he can make sure you are alright! And that was foolish–!" You yelled his name as loud as you could, trying to cease his very-loud ranting, lest a crowd started to form around the two of you.

"You...did you just call me Sebek?" He blinked, and you belatedly realized that you forgot to address him by his title. "Well, it's alright, really, but—!! WE NEED A MEDIC!" And after dragging you all the way to the royal clinic, watching the doctor intently as they patched up your arm, Sir Sebek...no, Sebek, finally calmed down.

When talking about the name Vanrouge, one's mind would immediately conjure up the famed war hero of the history books. Once the Queen's most esteemed commander, Vanrouge had disappeared a multitude of years ago. And now, the name Vanrouge was tied to someone different entirely: the Crown Prince's adviser, Lilia Vanrouge. He was quick-witted and knowledgable, and always had a relaxed and regal air when you saw him at public events. And he was well-suited to be the crown prince’s adviser.

The very same adviser that you accidentally spilled your drink all over one fateful night at the bar. You looked at the stain seeping into his shirt in horror while the man in front of you laughed.

"Don't look so pale," He had grabbed a spare towel. "I don't look angry, right?" You nodded and the man brought a hand to his chin, a mischievous smile on his face, "Hey, how about we have a few drinks on you as compensation? My name is Lilia Vanrouge, a pleasure to meet you."

Your head snapped up at his introduction. In the darkness of the bar, it was hard to see his face properly, but now that you were looking at him… You felt faint. You really did coincidentally meet Lilia Vangrouge. Thus started the unconventional relationship between you and the Crown Prince's trusted adviser.

———

Lilia was a lot more free-spirited than you expected. You thought that the life of an adviser would be filled with busy meetings and events, but… He often indulged in street performances and ran around looking for more to entertain himself with. Sometimes he would take your hand, spinning the both of you into a dizzying folk dance.

"See? Isn't it lots of fun?" Lilia's pink hair seemed to glow, especially under the streetlights. "It is nice to be young and the day is still young, so let us play some more." That day, you "played" till your legs hurt and your back ached. But there was a smile on your face so wide that you couldn't bring yourself to be mad at the man.

———

Lilia bore a surprising resemblance to the war hero Vanrouge. You noticed it when you happened to pass by one of Vanrouge's statues in the middle of a grand plaza. You couldn't really pinpoint what it was, but they both had the same…air about them...

Lilia must've noticed your staring because he chuckled, "So you also think I look like that old man? But I do have to say, aren't I a picturesque view of youthfulness? Surely I don't look a day over one hundred?" After a few more prods, you ended up complimenting Lilia's youthful looks in deadpan, all while Lilia puffed out his chest. You questioned to yourself whether or not this man really advised the crown prince whenever he acted like this.

———

When festivals came around, Lilia would always lead the Prince's carriage on horseback. The Lilia you saw was a far cry from the troublemaking prankster you usually spent your time with. Formal wear adorned Lilia's body, and he led the horse with one hand as the other waved regally at the citizens.

When he found you after the parade, he had a big smile on his face, "How was it? I was cool, right?" You clammed up slightly.  Seeing him up close was definitely different from seeing him from the crowd."Oh, come on," Lilia pouted and you wondered how many people were staring at the Lilia Vanrouge walking amongst the citizens. "All I wanted was one little compliment from you." Instead of boosting his ego, you promised to buy him a treat from a stall when he was done with his duties. That seemed to satisfy the man and he left you to deal with the people coming up to you asking how you knew the Crown Prince's adviser. What a headache.

[ bonus : how do these gentlemen know each other ? ]

— Lilia and Malleus shared a master-apprentice relationship, however they also consider each other as family. Lilia has been looking after Malleus ever since he was a youngling, so Malleus sees Lilia as a father-figure of sorts.

— Meanwhile in the Knights Order, Silver is the Captain and Sebek is the Vice Captain. Their nicknames are "Thunder Blade" and "Lightning Commander" respectively, because like lightning and thunder, one is rarely seen without the other in battle. This also speaks to their amazing compatibility in terms of power; with Silver's fighting style relying on speed and technique while Sebek's relies on sheer strength and offensive ability.

— Lilia is still Silver's legal guardian! He picked up Silver as a child from the woods, and has been raising him ever since. Although he never forced Silver to learn the sword, Silver long became curious seeing Lilia's old sword collection hanging around their house.

— "Okay, but is Lilia really not Vanrouge, the war hero?" As Lilia would say, he can vouch that he is very young and cute! But if he was to answer honestly, he would say that "One should never reveal all of one's past...it takes away from the mysterious charm, fufufu~"

— Sebek and Silver initially met as children. Silver followed Lilia around when he was younger, and he would often wait in empty drawing rooms for Lilia to be done with work. Meanwhile, Sebek was the son of an influential Dukedom. One day when Lilia was supposed to be taking care of Young Master Zigvolt, he introduced him to Silver instead, saying, "Children should play with each other and be merry!"

— If you're curious, their first meeting went something like this:

Sebek: You! Which family do you hail from! I am Sebek from the Zigvolt Dukedom!

Silver: ...Uhm, I'm Silver. And I think that Father's last name is Vanrouge...

Sebek: V-Vanrouge? Like the war hero?

Silver: Maybe..?

Sebek: How ignorant not to know of the great war hero Vanrouge! Here, let me tell you about him—

[ they instantly became friends because of their love for knights and heroes ]

— (Yes, Sebek's idol before he was introduced to Malleus Draconia's existence was, in fact, the war hero of old, Vanrouge. He still has books about Vanrouge and all sorts of paraphernalia in his childhood room.)

— Malleus started sneaking out of the palace after he figured out that he could boost himself over the wall with magic. And that he could easily cloak himself from the magic sensors by reducing his magical output to zero once he reached the apex— basically, he figured out a way to sneak out and has been doing it a lot more often. Much to the exasperation of Sebek and Silver, who are tasked to guard his room nightly.

— (If you're wondering what Lilia thought about all this...he thought that Malleus was going through his rebellious phase and that it's okay as long as he doesn't get caught by the guards outside the palace.)

thanks for reading ! if you'd like to see more, check out my masterlist, or the rest of the noble gentlemen series >:DD