#nicholas and lily YOU WERE THEM

[high-in-the-tower]

It actually meant so much to me to see the original Mina/Jonathan dynamic honoured in Nosferatu (2024). The way they loved each other so much, did everything for the other, clung to each other in the face of the Count's individual assaults upon them...I'm so used to seeing adaptations take this actually really great couple and tossing them into a blender for the sake of propping up the Count's character and his *not book accurate* relationship with Mina. I was so worried going into this movie I'd been hyping up since the beginning that it would fall into the same trap, and it soothed my fears immediately. The only straight couple ever in my eyes <3

[vroomvro0mferrari]

CL16 | Awkward Advances

Summary: You are best friends with Alex Albon. When you go to the bar with him and his driver friends, you decide to shoot your shot. But with the amount of drinks consumed, it doesn't go as smoothly as planned.

Charles Leclerc x female!Reader

WC: 2.1K

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, maybe talking yourself down?

Masterlist

You have met Alex's friends many times. Every time he invited you to a race, he made sure you had someone to talk to when he was busy. Of course, most times his girlfriend Lily, who had also turned into your best friend, was there to keep you entertained, but when she wasn't, he set up some other people to take care of you. You had met many people that way: his engineer, his PR manager, and many other team members. But he also introduced you to several drivers: Nicholas Latifi, Nyck de Vries, Logan Sargeant, George Russel, Lando Norris, and even Max Verstappen and Charles Leclerc. You had conversations with all of them, and they were all great people to talk with, but Charles Leclerc was different.

Like many other girls, you thought he was really, really handsome, and so sweet as well. And you got along great, better than with any other of Alex's friends. It's safe to say you had at least a little crush on him. Who are you kidding, it's a pretty big crush, and it's been going on for quite a while. But you'd never actually made a move on him. Why would you? He would never like you back. It wouldn't make any sense, Charles Leclerc is famous and rich, surprisingly sweet, talented, intelligent, a great conversationalist and insanely attractive. What else could you wish for in a man? He has his pick of the litter, nearly any girl would love to be with him, so why would he choose the silly friend of one of his colleagues?

So, you never tried to make a move or flirt with him. Because you knew it wouldn't lead to anything, but also because you're a terrible flirt. You never know when's the right time to flirt, what to say, and you're always either too subtle or not subtle enough. It's a difficult balance that you've never managed to find.

Tonight, you are once again going out with Alex and his friends, including Charles. The night's been great, you've been dancing for hours, and you and Lily have made numerous new friends. Right now, you're sitting at the bar to get another drink, while Lily is joining Alex in the booth your group is occupying. As the night carries on, and the drinks keep coming, you are definitely moving from tipsy to drunk. When you finally receive your drink, you decide to join the rest of the group at the booth. Sitting next to Alex, leaning on him, you look around the group. Everyone had dressed up, ready for a great night out and enjoying the time spent with friends. And Charles, he looked so good. In the black button-up he was wearing, more buttons undone than done, and his messy hair. Your drunk mind could barely handle it and found it very, very difficult to focus your eyes elsewhere, and Alex wouldn't be him if he hadn't noticed your staring.

"You've been staring at him for a while now," he whispered, or at least it sounded like a whisper.

"Hm? What are you talking about?" You slowly turned your head back to the boy next to you.

"You're more obvious than you think. He'll notice soon."

You blushed as you realised Alex knew about your crush on his friend. You shouldn't be surprised though, Alex knows you through and through. He would have found out eventually.

"What are you talking about?" A drunk Lily asks you, bending around Alex to look at you properly.

Alex responds for you, "Y/N's crush."

Lily gasps. "You have a crush? Who is it?" She yells loudly.

Your eyes quickly dart over the group, ensuring they didn't overhear that just now. "Shh, not the whole world has to know." You look over the group again, before you move closer, "It's Charles." You're blushing again.

"You should go flirt with him!"

"Are you crazy? I can't flirt, especially when I'm drunk."

"Nothing like a little liquid courage to help you flirt. I'm sure you'll be fine!" Lily turns to Alex, "Come, let's get another drink!" and pulls him up, winking at you.

Fuck, should you do it? What does it matter anyway? If it ends badly, you can just blame it on the alcohol, right?

Just then, seeing you're left alone, Charles moves to sit next to you.

You turn to him.

"Hey, how are you doing?" You ask him.

"I'm good. Having fun." He smiles at you. To him, it's obvious you're drunk. He decided not to drink tonight and was completely sober, different from most of the group.

God, he looks so good. You are going to do this, no time like the present, right? "That's good. You look handsome tonight, clean up well," you say, moving your hand to touch his upper arm and looking into his eyes. You can feel your heart beating in your chest, but no matter how nervous you are, and how nervous he makes you, you're not backing down now.

"Uhm, thank you," he responds chuckling a bit. He did not expect that from you. He thought you were sweet and had noticed that you were always slightly flustered around him, and he also knew you were not very upfront and direct. He suspected you had a crush on him, but maybe you were just very shy, and behaved like this around everyone. Nevertheless, he had never expected you to say something like this - to flirt(?) with him like this, so straightforward. He's surprised, to say the least, and maybe feels a bit awkward at the situation too, because what is he supposed to do? But you don't notice, and continue.

"I mean, you always look good, but especially tonight." You smile with fake confidence.

He looks away from you, chuckling again, adjusting his body to subtly push you to the edge of the booth. Fuck, that hint is so clear it's hard to miss, even when you're drunk. Your smile falters as you realise he wants you to leave – to leave him alone. Your false, alcohol-induced confidence falls, realising you made a mistake doing this now. He obviously isn't into you. You knew this, yet you tried. You never should've.

"You're pretty drunk, no? Let me find Alex, hm? He can take you back?"

You nod softly, disappointed at his rejection. He now fully pushes you out of the booth, but sets you back as he stands up.

"I'm gonna find him, okay? You stay here."

You just nod, and sit still waiting for him to come back. God, you're so embarrassed. Why did you have to do this again? You knew this would happen, that he'd reject you. You feel the tears welling up in your eyes. You've never felt this embarrassed. You try and blink them away as you see Charles return with Alex and Lily.

"Let's get you home, yeah?" Alex says when he's back at the booth.

You feel like a toddler when he pulls you up and helps you walk out of the club to the taxi. This couldn't have ended worse.

In the cab, he asks you, "So it didn't work out?"

You shake your head and lean on his shoulder, Lily doing the same on the other side, as she speaks "I'm sorry, it'll be okay"

– – – – –

The headache in the morning was the worst. And the realisation of what you had done last night settling in certainly wasn't helping. Lily and Alex took you back to their room last night, and let you crash on the couch they had in their very luxury room.

They were already walking around and getting ready for breakfast when you first opened your eyes. You were moving around, trying to find a more comfortable spot on the very uncomfortable couch when Lily spotted you.

"Good morning sleeping beauty," she says way too excitedly for the time of the day. Actually, you don't even know what time it is, but you assume it's too early after a night out.

"How are you so cheerful right now? If I remember correctly you were just as drunk as me last night, if not more," you say grumpily, sitting up.

"Lots and lots of water, and aspirin." Lily smiles at you, grabbing you a glass of water and aspirin as well.

"So, you want to fill in the gaps on what happened with Charles last night? Before he came to get me?" Alex asked.

You groan, "I don't even want to think about it. It was so bad. I knew he would reject me, but I still tried anyway. It's so stupid. I'm so stupid for thinking it would work out."

"You're not stupid for trying. What did you say to him?" Lily continued, handing the water to you.

"I told him that he looked good and then he laughed at me, told me I was drunk and left to get you." You take a sip of water and take the pill. "I shouldn't have expected any differently. He never showed any signs that he was into me."

"What are you talking about? He's always staring at you when you're near," Lily says, confused.

"He's not. And even if he is, it doesn't matter because he rejected me last night." You sigh.

"I'm sorry, babe. I'm sure you'll find someone else who likes you just as much as you like them." She smiles sympathetically. "We're going down for breakfast now, you wanna join us?"

"Yeah, you go. I'll come down in a bit. I want to take a shower first."

You go to your room to take a shower as soon as Lily and Alex leave to go to the breakfast hall, where they meet the rest of the group.

"Hey, guys. How's [Y/N] doing? She was pretty drunk last night, no? Is she very hungover?" Charles asks as soon as Lily and Alex sit across from him.

"Nothing aspirin can't fix." Alex smiled.

"She was acting pretty weird last night, told me I looked handsome and stuff. I've never seen her acting like that."

"Yeah, that's why she never flirts. She sucks at it, and people always think she's acting weird," Alex says laughing.

Charles looks surprised. "That was flirting? She was flirting with me?"

"Yes, Charles. I thought you knew she liked you?"

Charles shrugged. "I didn't know for sure, but I suspected it, yes." He looked somewhat confused at the revelation.

"Look, maybe you should talk to her. She's really embarrassed about last night and would hate for things to get weird because you rejected her. Just to make sure everything's good between you two, you know?" Alex explained.

"I didn't reject her? I just—" Charles is interrupted.

"Hey, [Y/N]! How are you doing?" Lando asked her as you walked to the table.

"Hey, I'm fine. Just a bit hungover," you responded, a fake smile on your lips.

"I'm not surprised," he said laughing, "I've never seen you so drunk."

Your face flushed as you laughed awkwardly, taking place on the only available chair, next to Charles, of course.

You glare at Alex, knowing he did this on purpose. He shrugged his shoulders with a sneaky smile as he sipped his water. Naturally, he had to make sure the only open chair was the one next to Charles.

"You're not hungry?" Charles asked you, moving his face closer to your ear as the group moved on to the next topic.

"No, I don't think I can keep anything down right now," you responded with a small smile. "By the way, I'm sorry for last night. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything."

"Oh, you didn't make me uncomfortable. I just thought you were very drunk, and it would be better for you to go back to the hotel."

You smiled tightly, looking away to avoid any eye contact.

"I didn't mean to reject you if that's what it seemed like."

You kept staring at the table, but you could feel your face becoming hotter as you picked at your nails to keep yourself occupied.

"I didn't think you were serious. You really are a bad flirter." Charles chuckled again.

You're face was surely as red as a tomato right now.

"If you come to dinner with me sometime, I'll show you how it's done."

Could your face get any redder? You don't think so. You look up at Alex sitting across from you. He looked away, pretending not to overhear the one-sided conversation Charles was having with you.

You nodded your head. "Okay," you said softly.

Charles put his arm on the back of your chair, "Great!" He said with a cheeky smile.

[artielovesfilm]

Nosferatu Review

Nosferatu is a film that explores Victorian ideas concerning purity through one of its victims; a woman who suffered from manipulation from a monster from a young age, whose sexuality is irreparably linked to him, and who controls her own opinion of herself from a world away. The monster, the ‘Nosferatu’, is the villainy of man, one that would convince a child that her desire for closeness and affection warranted her abuse. Ellen is convinced that her sexual desire is the work of sin when, in actuality, it is normal and natural, yet due to the influence of the church’s values and a patriarchal society that seeks to keep women hidden and stagnant until a man decides he wants her. That is the real tragedy of Ellen’s character, beyond the circumstances of her death and a life lived in fear; a child was convinced that having desires made her wrong, and, therefore, warranted her suffering. Nosferatu is the vampiric nature of men, personified in a gothic monster.

Nosferatu’s murder of two young girls stuck out to me. Personally, I believe it completed Ellen’s characterisation by offering a hard truth; she would not be believed or sympathised with until she was killed. Those children spent the entire film lamenting their fear, just as Ellen did, but it wasn’t until Orlok had killed them that the audience thought twice about it. Ellen’s fear, her visions, her fits, were never taken seriously until a male character (Thomas) encountered Orlok. The scene in which we see Thomas’ blood being drunk was intentionally sexual, and his expression of fear as he was approached made it feel violating to even watch. Then, he experiences Ellen’s reality, for a short while; unable to convince others around him of what he encountered, such as Friedrich, though his experience differs due to the fact that he is able to act against the monster that violated him. Ellen never escapes it, and ends up dead and half undressed in the arms of the man that tortured her for her entire life. This serves as a message about sexual abuse, one with no happy conclusion.

This was the first film where I truly felt anything about Nicholas Hoult’s acting, and I thought he was phenomenal. He truly set the tone for this movie with his initial meeting with the count. As we don’t see Count Orlok clearly throughout the scene, we rely on Hoult’s expression, through which he delivers such visceral terror that it shook me. Thomas Hutter’s devotion to his wife and all he felt for her was clear throughout the film; he feared for her, sought to heal her, and would have given his life to free her of Nosferatu, no matter how fearful he was. I thought his performance stood out, and it was my personal favourite.

Lily-Rose Depp’s dedication to this role was phenomenal. Her fits were frightening to watch, and the melancholy nature of her character was visible in her every emotion. Her desperation to be understood was tragic beyond belief, and her fruitless search for a happy ending left such an impression upon me. Other performances I really enjoyed were Bill Skarsgård, who I didn’t even realise played Count Orlok until the credits due to how incredibly he embodied him, Willem Dafoe and Aaron Taylor-Johnson.

I love the sound design within this film. Even through the breaths of the characters, you could read the film’s message; sexual or pained or terrified, all utilised to give the scene the tension it required. The audio was what made this film a horror, beyond anything we saw. It was used to perfectly capture the feelings of the characters, and in a manner that left me breathless. Additionally, the use of black and white throughout added to the gothic vibe of the film, outside of the setting and costuming. I loved that Ellen’s nightmares and her scenes with Orlok were so often in black and white; it gave her melancholy, her trauma, a physicality, and in a way validated it.

Overall, I loved Nosferatu. It explored childhood trauma, sexual abuse and the villainy of purity culture through a fictional monster, and through his victim, who found no respite from his torture. Personally, one of my biggest pet peeves is the fact that this film is reduced to a ‘monsterfucker’ movie; there is intent in Orlok’s repulsiveness, and Ellen was not attracted to him. He dominated her desire for pleasure by linking it to her trauma, which she was then deemed blasphemous for, and ruined her self opinion and made her feel hopeless until she gave in. It undermines the film’s death for the audience’s own desire, which I can’t stand when its intent is for you to feel uncomfortable at every sexually charged scene. I wouldn’t have though it would be so impossible for people to understand that, but oh well.

Also, I’m a sucker for a gothic horror – no pun intended.

[b-skarsgard]

When Hutter throws open Orlok's coffin in the IF.W.] Murnau version, that was a legitimate jump scare in 1922 - seeing the putrid corpse must have been really terrifying,' muses Robert Eggers of the original Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror, the eerie silent masterpiece that gorged on the blood of Bram Stoker's novel Dracula. Eggers frowns under his cap. 'So how do we do that now?'

It's a good question, especially given the deluge of vampire movies since - there are more than 170 film versions of Dracula alone.

'Also, we've gone all the way to Edward Cullen, where vampires are not scary,' adds Eggers. 'So how do we go in the complete opposite direction of that? Vampires were scary enough that people used to dig up corpses and chop them into bits and set them on fire.'

Well, Eggers' Nosferatu is scary as hell, with Bill Skarsgård's Count Orlok proving fully believable as a force that could decimate entire communities. Skarsgård worked with an opera coach to lower his voice by an octave, and shed a serious amount of weight (I think we deserve a scary, smelly corpse again,' smiles Eggers). Looking, sounding and feeling the part, the actor summons a ferocity that is genuinely terrifying.

The story, should you need reminding, has young estate agent Thomas Hutter (Nicholas Hoult) travel to Orlok's Transylvanian castle to gather the Count's signature on some property deeds. This foul yet oddly magnetic recluse is moving to the German city of Wisborg, which is ravaged by plague upon his arrival. Against this backdrop of death and disease, Hutter's fiancée Ellen (Lily-Rose Depp) is targeted to become the companion of Orlok, whose sulphurous spell holds her in thrall.

Eggers' version, a verbose and full-blooded Gothic melodrama, fleshes out the character of Ellen and accentuates the 'love' story. This aspect might remind some viewers of Francis Ford Coppola's Bram Stoker's Dracula, a movie that Eggers watched many times as a child... but with a key difference.

'[Dracula] has this extreme love story with Mina - their relationship is quite lovely,' says Eggers of Coppola's 1992 movie. 'Whereas the stuff I was looking to for this film was all demon-lover stories. Stuff like Wuthering Heights. The Laurence Olivier version has contaminated everyone's thinking about Wuthering Heights, but in the novel, Heathcliff is a fucking asshole psychopath. And as much as he loves Cathy, he's obsessed with her and he wants to destroy her. Ellen's relationship with Orlok is incredibly toxic.' In this post-#MeToo age, such a take will surely chime with viewers? 'I presume so,' shrugs Eggers. 'I'm not trying to make something with a message, but I don't live in a vacuum, and the things that are around are going to come out in the film.'

Teasers article from the latest issue of Total Film

[elizabeth-karenina]

My Review About Nosferatu:

My brother: Have fun sleeping tonight, sis, since your window is *right next* to your bed.

Me: Literally go fuck yourself.

Everyone in the cast was wonderful. Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Emily Corrin were fantastic background characters, and you really sympathize with them. Nicholas Hoult was absolutely wonderful too, he did such a great job in those castle scenes.

However Bill Skaarsgard, Lily-Rose Depp, and Willem Defoe were the real stand outs, especially Bill HOLY SHIT DUDE (imagine the Darth Vader breathing noises, but magnify it 10x times louder, and that’s the noise he makes, it’s so freaking spooky). And the way they warped his body! He looked so skeletal and disgusting; he’s the exact OPPOSITE of a hot, seductive vampire.

Lily-Rose Depp does things with her body that I’ve never seen an actor do before, she was just incredible; you really get the feeling that this awful monster is haunting her. She was by turns outspoken and fierce, and very vulnerable and delicate and sensitive. She was wonderful.

WILLEM. THE MAN. There’s a part of me that wants Robert Eggers would do a series with Willem’s character in this film, because he’s like an occult Sherlock Holmes almost. He speaks the truth, and doesn’t spare anyone’s feelings nor their modern sensibilities of what they need to do in order to destroy this thing.

If you love monster movies, hell if you love scary movies in general, you will DEFINITELY enjoy this film. 10/10 highly recommend. Robert Eggers really knows how to create an atmosphere, especially in the scenes where Nicholas Hoult is in Lord Orlock’s castle, or the moments where Lily-Rose Depp is possessed by Orlock. Incredibly creepy and spooky.

[hollywoodfamerp]

Pack your bags, Famers! Our annual winter trip is taking place in Ireland! On February 17th, all celebrities will be arriving at the Adare Manor to kick off our trip! Named the #1 resort in Europe in 2023, Adare Manor sits on 840 acres of pristine parkland.

"It’s prestige without pretense and magic without nonsense. Above all, it is the sense of belonging. You are known. You are family. You are home."

UNDER THE CUT, YOU’LL FIND THE LIST OF ROOMMATES!

Unless we got a message from you telling us you wanted to be with a specific person or were not in the ships list - you were included in the generator. If you do not see your FCs name on this list, please message us POLITELY and let us know - sometimes a name gets missed getting put into the generator. We’re human and it happens! At the same time, if your FC is on there twice by any chance then please let us know. Again, mistakes happen. As we accept new applications and people come into the group before AND during the event, this list will be updated. Same will go for if people get unfollowed or ask to leave the group. We posted the pairings in advance so that you may reach out to your roommate and get new interactions going! Even if a mun is on hiatus, be sure to reach out to them so that you can see if you can head-canon some interactions or plan for something when they are off hiatus. All trips are to encourage new interactions and unlikely connections!

PLEASE LIKE THIS NOTICE WHEN YOU HAVE READ IT AND SO THAT YOU CAN KEEP TRACK OF THE LIST UPDATES!

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[lesbianherald]

wait nosferatu thoughts? !!

damn ok you guys sometimes scare me with how quickly I get anons after turning it back on lmfao KDFLHJSDF

But ok like from a filmmaking perspective I was salivating. He has some just. Drop dead gorgeous shot compositions that were to die for. But I found the camera language of slower tilts and pans a little repetitive, which made them lose significance for me. I would marry that gaffer who worked on this and did the lighting in a heartbeat. Just beautiful work. The shot of Nicholas Hoult in the snow when the carriage pulls up to him and the road he's on looks like a cross....

moment of all time.

Eggers did a really good job leaning in to the nosferatu of it all instead of making it more "Modernized" - the voice - the claw - a lot of shots that were clear montages to classical filmmaking.

On the other hand, I felt this was detrimental when it came to the end of the film and with a few other plot moments throughout.

I'm really, really debating how I feel about Lily Rose Depp. On one hand I found some of her acting choices a little over-intense but on the other that could come to the direction over her. she did an incredible job of embodying a lot of parts of her character's experience

I did feel it lacked a certain raw passion and spunk as say The Witch or The lighthouse. But it was technically brilliant. Hopefully he can combine the two in the next one

Willem Defoe's character is who I'm worried I will become but I love him.

And of course. Line of all time. "I have seen things that would put Isaac Newton back into his mother's womb!"

[austinslounge]

I honestly still believe that all this Kaustin nonsense is just a big, carefully planned PR stunt to get Kaia into acting. (All her “public” relationships seemed fake tbh, Cindy has certainly took advice from momanager Kris J). Her recent photos with Lily Rose Depp add even more weirdness. Like, wtf is happening. Just imagine sitting and being all friendly with a girl your boyfriend hooked up just before dating you. It only makes sense if this is your shared EX-boyfriend, if you know what I mean. And I’ll never believe Kaia wants to keep this relationship “private”. Like…girl, who are you lying to. You two were papped almost every day in 2022/2023. Your behavior in 2024 changed drastically. Whether this relationship is real or PR, I think the breakup is inevitable. (I hope so, at least, I won’t survive another Mexico vacation with Kaia all over Austin, flushing her ass to the paparazzi in the thongs)

Yes!! All of this! 💯

I really wouldn't be shocked at all if this whole Kaustin thing has been more of a PR thing all along. It would certainly explain a lot. 👀

To me, that makes way more sense than an "open relationship". 🙄

I also don't think it's farfetched for us to think that Kaia might be talking about her own relationship.

Look at what has happened this year!

Presley unfollowed Austin (again)

Countless articles back and forth about their relationship having trouble

Ayo removing the post of her birthday party that showed Austin and Kaia together

Kaia all over Marcello

Kaia following Nicholas Chavez

Austin following the Daily Mail

Austin liking posts on Instagram about women with "two A's in their name" and tagged #toxicrelationships 🥴

The two of them both looking done with each other this entire year

[roses-of-the-romanovs]

Hello! I'm creating a Romanov roleplay so could you give me a list of members and friends of the Romanov family, and others (Standart officers, Bolsheviks, etc.) for people to roleplay? That would be very helpful since I know I'm going to accidentally miss some characters (^^”).

Hi! These are some people who were involved with the Romanovs:

Friends:

Anna Vyrubova—quite possibly Alexandra's dearest friend. Typically viewed as a bit of a simpleton or a cunning spy--the reality is probably that she was neither. Also very attached to Rasputin.

Lili Dehn—another of Alexandra's friends, a lady-in-waiting. Also close with Nicholas and the children; was with Alexandra when Nicholas abdicated.

Elizabeth Naryshkina—the elderly mistress of the robes.

Sophie Buxhoevedon—lady-in-waiting, affectionately known as "Isa" (also spelled "Iza").

Catherine "Trina" Schneider—also attempted (unsuccessfully) to teach the Romanov sisters German. Taught Russian to Alexandra. Lutheran.

Grigori Rasputin—infamous. Especially intimate with Alexandra, also a sort of mentor for the daughters. Killed in 1916.

Kolya Demenkov—Alexei’s friend.

Gleb Botkin & Tatiana Botkina—the children of Evgeny Botkin.

Sofia Orbeliani—Alexandra’s friend and an invalid. Died in 1915.

Countess Anastasia “Nastenka” Hendrikova—family friend.

Family:

Dowager Empress Maria Feodorovna—OTMA's grandmother. But a bit frosty in her relations with Alexandra.

Grand Duchess Olga Alexandrovna—Nicholas II's sister. Often the grand duchesses spent Saturdays with her.

Grand Duchess Xenia Alexandrovna—Nicholas’s sister. Her family was known as the Ai Todories due to their estate. Her daughter Irina especially was close to the daughters. (Irina’s husband, Felix Yussupov, was one of Rasputin’s assassins.)

Grand Duke Dmitri Pavlovich—one of Nicholas’s favorite cousins, and once considered a possible groom for Olga. Under the care of Elizabeth Feodorovna. One of Rasputin’s assassins.

Grand Duchess Elizabeth Feodorovna—Alexandra’s sister. Became a nun after her husband Sergei’s assassination in 1905; sent coffee and chocolate to the family during imprisonment. Murdered by the Bolsheviks.

Grand Duke Mikhail Alexandrovich—Nicholas’s brother. Married morganatically and exiled. Saw Nicholas before Nicholas’s departure to Tobolsk. Also murdered by the Bolsheviks.

Grand Duke Nicholas Nikolaevich—commander in chief of the Russian army during WWI until Nicholas II took over. Not liked by Alexandra due to his dislike of Rasputin.

Tutors/Staff:

Pyotr Vasilievich Pyotrov—the Russian tutor, known as "PVP."

Pierre Gilliard—the French tutor, especially close to Alexei. Often called "Zhilik" or "Monsieur."

Sydney Gibbes—the English tutor, often known as "Sig."

Sofia Tyutcheva—Known as "Savanna," OTMA's unofficial governess when they were young. Outspokenly against Rasputin, and not popular with the Romanovs' other friends.

Margaretta Eagar—OTMA's Irish governess, dismissed in 1904.

Anna Demidova—lady-in-waiting who accompanied the family and was eventually killed with them. Known as “Nyuta.”

Aloise (Alexei) Trupp—footman who was killed with the family; unique in that he was Latvian, and Catholic.

Ivan Kharitonov—cook killed with the family.

Leonid Sednev—companion of Alexei during captivity, eventually sent away by Yakov Yurovsky.

Eugene Botkin—doctor (primarily Alexandra’s). Killed with family.

Nagorny and Demenkov—Alexei’s “sailor nannies.” Only Nagorny continued on with the family to Tobolsk.

Standart Officers of Note:

Pavel Voronov—Olga's love interest in 1913. She wrote of him as "S." in her diaries.

Alexander Konstantinovich Shvedov—Also Olga's love interest in 1913, took place before Voronov. Referred to as "AKSH" in diaries.

Viktor Zborovsky—Anastasia's crush. She also exchanged letters with his sister Ekaterina "Katya" in captivity. Nicholas's favorite tennis partner.

Patients during WWI/Nurses, Doctors:

Dmitri Shakh-Bagov—Olga's love interest. Known as "Mitya."

Dmitri Malama—Tatiana's love interest. Gave her a dog known as Ortipo, named after his cavalry horse.

Valentina Cheborateva—OT’s friend and fellow nurse.

Margarita Khitrovo—fellow nurse and friend. Known as “Ritka” or “Rita.”

Dr. Vera Gedroits—female doctor. Known as “Princess Gedroits.” After the tsar’s abdication, her behavior turned increasingly unconventional.

Vladimir Kiknadze—Tatiana’s love interest after Malama. Considered a dangerous flirt by the other nurses and doctors.

Politicians:

Sergei Witte—Served as prime minister 1905-1906.

Pyotr Stolypin—Served as prime minister 1906-1911. Sofia Tyutcheva, Nicholas II, and OT were there at his assassination.

Mikhail Rodzianko—state chairman of the Duma, 1911-1917.

Bolsheviks/Captors, etc.:

Alexander Kerensky—member of the Provisional Government. Oversaw the Romanovs’ house arrest.

Eugene Kobylinsky—commandant during house arrest; nevertheless on good terms with the family.

Vasily Yakovlev—commissar, searched the house at Tobolsk; helped transfer the family to the Ipatiev House at Ekaterinberg.

Alexander Avdeev—commandant at the Ipatiev House.

Yakov Yurovsky—commandant at the Ipatiev House after Avdeev. Orchestrated the murders.

Pyotr Ermakov—one of the executioners, his accounts of the Romanovs and their murder are highly exaggerated and untruthful. Was drunk on the night of the murders.

Ivan Skorokhodov–despite the rumors there is no reliable evidence to support the idea of a liaison with Maria. However, he was really a guard at the Ipatiev House.

[themosleyreview]

The Mosley Review: Nosferatu

Is this it? Is it finally happening? Has the time come to truly treat the vampire genre of film with the dark, gothic and eerie respect it deserves? For the longest time, the genre has been stuck in the romanticized, young adult and simplified trap and nobody has decided to take a more serious tone to the material. Finally, my prayers were answered with this sprawling yet intimate remake of the most influential vampire tale of all time. From the moment it starts, you are thrust into a fever dream of darkness, atmosphere and visual elegance as the simple story unfolds in the most poetic way. I loved that this film had a pace to it that wasn't quick nor slow, but knew it exactly when to let you bathe in the moonlight and when to ramp up the terror and violence. What I truly loved was the many layers of history, science and religious beliefs that usually are one sided in films like these. There was so much to absorb as the film went along and I was enthralled throughout. The visual aspect and practicality was amazing, but the performances from the cast was some of the best I've seen all year.

Lily-Rose Depp delivers a knockout performance as Ellen Hutter. She conveys the whirlwind of emotions such as fear, anger, wonder, love and strength throughout the film. The portrayal of the disturbance of not only her mind, but her soul was astounding. Ella's physical torment was shocking and painful to watch as Lily-Rose truly nailed the agony of her constant contortions. Nicholas Hoult was fantastic and wholesome as her husband Thomas. He was the perfect example of a bright young man that brought true peace to his lovely wife. The journey he goes through and the amount of physical and psychological torment was terrifying. Aaron Taylor-Johnson was fantastic and steadfast as the best friend of Thomas, Friedrich Harding. He goes through his own version of intense emotional trauma as the story progressed and Johnson delivers yet another career defining performance. Emma Corrin was fantastic as his loving and nurturing wife, Anna. Their love and peaceful banter was the sweet spot of the film. Her kind words of comfort for Ellen were what kept her from going over the edge many times and I loved the sisterhood between them. Simon McBurney was excellent as Thomas' employer, Herr Knock. Simon swings for the fences in his performance of the quickly devoted servant that Knock becomes and doesn't shy away from the grotesque nature of his posession. Ralph Ineson is always a joy to see and as Dr. Wilhelm Sievers, he delivers a more calm and calculated performance. Even in the face of true madness and disturbing behavior, he still hilariously looks for the more scientific and medical solution. Willem Dafoe was awesome as the investigative and eccentric Prof. Albin Eberhart Von Franz. He had the responsibility of delivering the most lore driven dialogue of the film and he excelled in keeping you intrigued the entire time. He is always a good luck charm for any film. Now the true antagonist of the film had to be alluring and yet terrifying in all the right ways. It was a tall order to bring to life the titular character of the film and as Count Orlock, Bill Skarsgård does that expertly. He was truly unrecognizable in the look of Orlock and vocally. Bill delivers a cold, monotone and creepy performance that is magnified by his towering presence. The dark fantasy nature of his relationship with Ellen was the core of the film and it was beautifully dark and tragic to witness.

The score by composer, Robin Carolan, nails the nightmarish nature of this gothic tale of love, sacrifice and terror. Its not only the scratches of violin or the thunderous nature of the drums, but its the more somber moments of the score that kept me engaged. Dreams Grow Darker is a great example of that. Visually, this film was absolutely stunning! The practical use of shadows and camera placement added to the already immersive story. My favorite moments were when the camera would pan from the character looking into the lens to a wide shot of them talking to the other person in the scene. It's an immersion tactic that isn't used as cleverly anymore and it worked so well in the scenes between Ellen and Count Orlock. The creature effects and makeup on Orlock was top notch and disgusting to look at. The sound design was chef's kiss when he would feed upon people as the inhale was well mixed with the drinking and suction sounds. Writer and Director Robert Eggers has directed another masterpiece and truly reinvigorated the vampire genre with a fresh take on a classic tale that was derived Bram Stoker's Dracula. Very few have a style that fits the realm of gothic horror while finding the romantic nature of it without over saturation. Robert is one of those storytellers. Let me know what you thought of the film or my review in the comments below. Thanks for reading!

[deeptrashwitch]

Nice time

Alicia: Yes, I know Cami *in a call with her sister* right now we are on a friend's place, so if you can wait for me for a couple of days, then we can find each other on...Vietnam is okay for you?

Cami: Sure! Anyway I still have to finish an article, see you in Hanói?

Alicia: Hanói will be, love you

Cami: Love you too!

*Alicia hangs the call and looks down to the box on her hands, then starts to look for her plane tickets. The sooner were that night, so she had to pack and go in less than three hours.*

Alicia: Well, let's give this away and go to the airport!

*She walks around whistling a melody before finding Luke first, walking towards him*

Alicia: Boy!

Luke: Hey Alicia, what is it?

Alicia: Here *hands him a little box and a flower* bought this for you

Luke: Uhhh, t-thanks *surprised* but why?

Alicia: Even I have my sweet moments, now I gotta go, time's running for me

*The next one she found was Aly (@alypink OC), who gave her a little hug before talking for some minutes*

Alicia: I bought this for you, and I bought one for Lily *gives her two boxes, a flower and a little toy* I hope you like it

Aly: Awwww! I love it, Alicia *hugs her again* I'm sure Lily will love it too!

Alicia: I'm glad, well, I better continue then

*The next one was Jackson inside the empty medic bay, who was already going to complain just to being in a loss of words when Alicia left a box and a flower over his desk, just smiling at him. And when she looked around, she noticed Aelan*

Alicia: Hey, Aelan!

Aelan (@islandtarochips OC): Captain Marchant? Please tell me you didn't do anything stupid with my Captain...

Alicia: Not this time, I just came to give away a gift *laughs* and to say sorry for giving you such trouble

Aelan: That's...new, but it won't save you from the scolding

Alicia: I know, that isn't the point

Aelan: ...Thanks Captain

Alicia: Sure *ruffles Jackson's hair before walking away* gotta go, have a good day!

Aelan: ...If you don't want it, I do

Jackson: Keep your hands off my fucking gift

*Inside the hangars, Alicia found a big group. There were Noah, Agnes, Elijah, Alexander, Nigel, Francis, Nicholas, Marcus and Elliot talking and laughing*

Alicia: Should I be worried of you taking over the world?

All: No *at unison*

Alicia: Then I give you this and leave you with your conspiracy *starts giving away the gifts and the flowers* I bought some things that I thought you could like, and yes Nigel, I bought it for you too. And if you can prank Kanoa for me, then I owe you a drink

Nigel: *surprised* ...Heh, will do! *smiling*

Francis: *stands up and hugs her* Thank you, Cap!

Alicia: Yeah, yeah *pats him on the back*

Agnes: Can I hug you too? *curious*

Alicia: ... *sighs* Yes, Agnes, you c- *gets tackled in a hug* oof

Marcus: Need some help over there? *smiling*

Alicia: No need, don't worry

Marcus: Alright then, thanks for this Cap

Alicia: Absolutely

*After some minutes Alicia went to look for the rest of the people, finding Edward first*

Edward: So you did this again? I wonder what their reactions were *chuckles*

Alicia: You talk like I was a bitch or something *giving him a box of candies, a flower and a bottle*

Edward: You remembered... *smiles taking the bottle*

Alicia: Of course I did, I have good memory

Edward: Thanks Licia, seriously

Alicia: I know, take care of everyone with Luke and Jackson while I'm gone, would ya?

Edward: Where to?

Alicia: *scoffs* Hanói, Vietnam

Edward: Have fun, you earn it every time

*After that Alicia went to Kanoa's office, finding him and Tiala inside.*

Alicia: Can I? *knocking on the door*

Kanoa: Yeah, what is it? Found anything funny to do? *smiling*

Tiala: Please don't, I have enough for today *tired laugh*

Alicia: Not today, just came to say goodbye before I go to the airport *gives them the boxes and the flowers* and to give you this

Tiala: A gift? *raises an eyebrow with a smile* what's the special ocassion?

Alicia: Absolutely none *chuckles* just me being a good person

Tiala: Thank you, Alicia

Alicia: *winks at her* Absolutely, hope you like it

Kanoa: Thank you, Licia! *hugs her, raising her a bit from the floor* this is a miracle!

Alicia: Get off of me, Noa! *hisses trying to break the hug* you'll break my fucking ribs!

Kanoa: Nah, nah *laughs* you deserve the hug

Alicia: Tiala, help me *sighs* if he doesn't leave me alone, I'll kick him

Tiala: ...Can I keep his things if you do?

Alicia: Yeah, sure

Tiala: Then feel free to kick his ass *smiles while taking Kanoa's gift*

Kanoa: Hey! Leave it! *tries to grab her without leaving Alicia*

Alicia: Let me go! Damnit, let me go! *screeching*

*Fortunately, Alicia was able to arrive to the airport on time and meet with Camila in Hanói two days later when the youngest arrived*

[dentiststoothfairy]

tׁׅᨵׁׅׅᨵׁׅׅtׁׅhׁׅ֮'ׅ꯱ ꪱׁׁׁׅׅׅ݊ꪀtׁׅꫀׁׅܻ݊ꭈׁׅɑׁׅᝯׁ֒tׁׅꪱׁׁׁׁׅׅׅׅ᥎ׁׅꫀׁׅܻ݊ ᝯׁ֒hׁׅ֮ꭈׁׅꪱׁׁׁׅׅׅׅ꯱tׁׅꩇׁׅ֪݊ ɑׁׅׅ꯱ ƙׁׅꪱׁׁׁׅׅׅׅ꯱ׅ꯱

℘ɑׁׅꭈׁׅtׁׅ ᨵׁׅׅ݊ꪀꫀׁׅܻ݊

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

ᴄʜʀɪsᴛᴍᴀs ᴛɪᴍᴇ ɪɴ ᴏʟᴇᴛᴜs ᴍᴀɴᴏʀ ɪs ᴀ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ғᴜʟʟ ᴏғ ᴍᴀɢɪᴄ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡᴏɴᴅᴇʀ. ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ ᴄᴀɴ ғᴇᴇʟ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛᴡɪɴᴋʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ғʟᴀᴋᴇ ᴏғ sɴᴏᴡ ғᴀʟʟɪɴɢ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ sᴋʏ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴅᴇsᴄᴇɴᴅᴇᴅ ᴀɴɢᴇʟs ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʟɪᴘ-ᴄʟᴏᴘᴘɪɴɢ ᴏғ ʀᴇɪɴᴅᴇᴇʀ ʜᴏᴏᴠᴇs ɪs ᴛʜᴇ sᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ ᴅʀᴇᴀᴍs ᴛᴏ ʜᴇᴀʀ.

ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏ ᴅɪғғᴇʀᴇɴᴛ. ʙʏ ʜᴇʟᴘɪɴɢ ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴀɴᴏʀ, ʙʏ ᴠᴏᴛɪɴɢ ᴏɴ ᴅᴇᴄɪsɪᴏɴs ᴀɴᴅ ʙʏ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛɪɴɢ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴇʟᴏᴠᴇᴅ ᴄᴀsᴛ ᴏғ ɪᴅᴇɴᴛɪᴛʏ ᴠ, ᴘᴇʀʜᴀᴘs ʏᴏᴜ'ʟʟ ғɪɴᴅ sᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴛᴏ sʜᴀʀᴇ ᴀ ᴍɪsᴛʟᴇᴛᴏᴇ ᴋɪss ᴡɪᴛʜ.

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

"Wake up! Wake up!" A voice rung out, the rapping on my Guest Room in Oletus Manor woke me up from my peaceful slumber. I slammed a pillow on my face, closed my eyes gently and prayed that Mike would leave me alone. I had no idea what time it was, but whatever time it was... It didn't matter, let me sleep damnit!

"[Name]! It's Christmas!" My door swung open with the smell of gasses filling the room. Had he used his bombs on my door knob?! I sat up with my eyes glaring into his bright ones. His freckled smile holding an incomparable shine that rivaled any star.

"There better be a new lock in one of my presents." I frowned, crawling my way from under my sheets. Mike let out a playful laugh before closing my busted door, allowing me the privacy to get presentable for the day.

As I styled my hair the way I liked it, I couldn't help but throw in a Christmas accessory, just to make things for festive. With a smile, I got into my outfit of the day.

As I shoved my (now broken) door open, I noticed the change in the Manor's hallways. Tinsel lined the trimming of the walls intertwined with beautiful Christmas lights that twinkled with a small golden glow. I have a light gasp. Had the manor magically done this overnight? Or did someone really manage to decorate such a large mansion in one night?

"You know." Mike's voice pulled my attention from the lights onto him. He must've waited for me outside. He was leaning on a wall, with a reindeer antler headband that was somehow mixed into his curly hair and a festive Christmas attire to match. "They say Saint Nicholas goes around the world in one night. Do ya think whoever did this.. Wonderful Christmas decorations did this in one night too?" He winked playfully.

I rolled my eyes at his cheek and followed the manor hallway down, as I entered near the main courtroom.. There was so much going on..!

Emma, Tracy and Lily were all seen dangling off poor Leo who was struggling to raise the three playful girls off him. He was dressed as Santa, so of course they were more than happy to ask Leo what kind of presents he bought.

But the smile on Emma's face.

It lit up the whole room.

Naib and Ganji were about to St.- Start fighting? They had their hands up and all... Norton was currently holding bets with his hand up.

"We've got two on Subedar." I noticed William and Aesop perk up slightly. Naib shot a look towards Eli who gave a sheepish smile, gambling against his friend. How funny.

Melly, Alice, Orpheus and unsurprisingly Helena were all feverishly discussing some type of book that I noticed. They all spoke much quieter than the guys, so it was more difficult to pick up on the conversation but the cover read "The Little Match Girl."

Mike besides me ran towards a fellow group of blondes. Anne seemed hard at work along side an identically hard working Victor, they were feverishly wrapping presents for other survivors and a few for the hunters. A few toys made by Anne, telling from the beautiful paintwork on the wood and Victor would obviously deliver them... And Edgar who was doing a sketch besides them. All three of them kneeling on the ground to which Mike practically knocked those bowling pins go the ground.

I could always go find some other survivors.. Or find the Hunters instead.

[🦷🎀 𝙲𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝙸'𝚟𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚊𝚙𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚢 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙲𝙾𝚅𝙸𝙳 <𝟹 ]

[amberjazmyn]

grievances💔🫶

pairing : oscar piastri x piastri!fem reader x fem!reader

summary : oscar piastri's first wife nichola piastri dies during the childbirth of their fifth and final child. oscar moves on and starts falling in love with cecelia, the best friend of the piastri family.

warnings : emotions, death from childbirth, hospitals, flashbacks, gets happier towards the end

a/n : this will be the first time i write something angsty for oscar, and i feel like i should apologise but it's time a different driver gets the punch of angst since it's almost always lando, charles, carlos or max. also, the names of the kids are as follows in age order, jazmyne (15 to 17), elena (15 to 17), noah (8 to 10), logan (7 to 9) and lennon (baby) is the newborn.

a/n : and yes, it would physically impossible for oscar to have this many kids at the age he's at now but ignore that part of it lol. and also, jazmyne and elena ages go from 15 to 18 in this so i have changed it to them being sisters of nichola that they adopted so that's why the ages don't match up so oscar and nichola's biological kids are noah, logan and lennon but they adopted the sisters of nichola.

fc : for first wife, nichola, will be lily zneimer to imagine and second wife, cecelia, will be girly's from pinterest

two years ago | oscar's pov

jazmyne, the younger sister of my wife was stirring in my lap as her head lay there as the rest of her body was spread out on a couple of hospital waiting room chairs. trying to get her to sleep even though i knew, despite her being my sister-in-law that nichola and i adopted as our legal kids, she hated sleeping in the hospital. which, in turn, was very different to the rest of her siblings, her twin sister elena and her two younger brothers noah and logan. however, i knew i couldn't leave nichola, my wife and the mother of my now five kids. just in case nichola woke up, i didn't want her to wake up on her own, especially considering she's just given birth to our brand new baby girl, lennon grace, i didn't want her to freak out and wonder where everyone was.

just as a backstory, i have five kids with nichola, jazmyne amber and elena nicole are fifteen and are twin sisters and the younger sisters of nichola that we adopted way before we even considered having our own children. noah jack is the first baby of ours that nichola and i had together after we had had jazmyne and elena with us for a couple of years and he has just recently turned eight, logan michael was our second child and he is seven and lennon grace, is our third biological child but the fifth overall who was just born a couple of hours ago. and during nichola's pregnancy with lennon, it was quite dangerous but, we were told that once nichola had actually given birth to lennon that everything would be fine. and that, maybe, hopefully, we'd still get my wife back afterwards.

how long we'd have to wait until we got the all-clear to drive back to monte-carlo from montmartre, france, i'd spend it waiting here in this very hospital waiting room just to make sure that the love of my life was okay. i know much the teenagers despises the hospital and, i feel awful that i'm doing this, i truly do but, we were the only family of nichola's that was close enough to make sure she was okay. cecelia, a best friend of nichola and myself was also with us as she helped jaz, elena and myself take care of noah, logan and baby lennon when we had visiting hours to check in on nichola.

"...jazz, please, babe, can you try to get some sleep? it's nearly midnight, can you at least try for me? please?" i cry out in distress, whilst elena, my two boys and lennon were all fast asleep in the hospital bed that was in the room we had been provided, jazzy just couldn't - and i knew it was because of how terrified she was of hospitals but, i just needed to get jazz off to sleep

"no, oscar. i don't like it here! i want nichola to wake up and for us to go back home. i just want to be back home in monaco with you, nichola, elena, noah, logan and baby lennon!" jazz tiredly cries into my chest and hearing her say that as my fifteen-year-old girl makes my heart shatter even more   

"jazzy, baby, i know you want to be home, i do too but, we just can't. not whilst nichola is in the state she's in, we need your sister to get better. maybe if i place you with elena you'll sleep?" i tried, usually if jazzy slept with elena, she was able to fall asleep at the click of a finger, pulling her closer to my bare chest as i tried to get her to sleep - a knock at the door gains our attention

it was cecelia, she had a small but exhausted smile on her face, and her hair was still done up in the braids that jazzy had done earlier in the morning before nichola had given birth to lennon. 

"hey osc, hey jazzy," she spoke quietly so as not to wake up elena and the two boys as jazz and i smiled back, both of us responding 

"hey cece," "hey lia" 

cecelia smiled, running her finger through jazz's hair and then her hands through mine as jazz was still resting against my chest. her legs most likely going numb from not having any movement for the past few hours.

"osc, the nurses are suggesting it's probably about time you, jazz, elena, noah and logan go back home, the last i heard, i think your mum has been trying to get ahold of you. and, before you even think to argue with me oscar jack, i've already agreed on staying here with lando's girlfriend overnight for the rest of the week to see if nichola wakes up and to also help take care of baby lennon. besides, despite the fact you think you're hiding this pretty well, i damn well know how badly you're also wanting to be back home in monaco. come on osc, listen to your eldest child and go home! i've already spoken to zac and andrea as well as your closest f1 friends and they are just as worried about nichola as you are! i promise if they are any, and i mean any updates about nichola, you are the first person i'm calling, okay?" cecelia hadn't ever been so stern with me before but, i knew she was right and i knew i shouldn't have been ignoring jazmyne in the way i had been so, i agreed, knowing that nichola was going to be safe with cecelia and lando's girlfriend

"fine, but you...you promise if anything changes or happens, you ring me?" i double-check as my voice shakes, cecelia comes closer, grabbing a tight hold of my hand as i jolt slightly, letting jazz slide off my lap as she gets her hoodie and then goes to wake up her sister and two brothers and cecelia nods her head 

"i pinky swear osc! anything that changes or what have you, you are the first person i'm ringing whether nichola's parents or nicole like it or not!" cecelia spoke firmly as i nodded my head, believing her as i then slipped my own hoodie on considering i had been shirtless the whole time

i then grabbed logan out of jazz's grip as she still held noah tightly as he lay asleep on her shoulder, elena holding jazz's free hand, giving cecelia a hug as we then walked out of the hospital room, elena holding onto our overnight bag on her shoulders. 

🥀

for three days, jazmyne, elena, noah, logan and i had now been home in monaco and still, we hadn't received any texts or calls from either cecelia or lando's girlfriend in regards to nichola and her current state, it honestly scared me. and i hadn't even realised i had been so silent until lando, my fellow mclaren teammate, had come over to ask why jazmyne was crying whilst my other three children were perfectly fine. 

"...hey, osco, why's jazmyne crying...oscar!" lando went to ask me why jazz had been crying when he realised i zoned out 

"huh?" i responded as lando sighed, he knew, the whole of f1, and our teammates knew how worried i've been about nichola and the two boys that, i just haven't really been able to concentrate or really focus on anything as i'd usually be able to 

"osc, we all know you're worried about nichola and the other kids but, what about jazz, she's your kid too. sure, she's nichola's younger sister but she's still your kid. she's just as worried about her sister then you are. yes, she's the eldest but, that makes no difference! she's been crying for the past five minutes, i can't even calm her down, and neither can elena, max or charles. and that isn't normal at all, osc! please, help calm your daughter down oscar, she needs you due to the fact that her sister is sick and in the hospital right now, and apart from us, her uncles and aunties, you're the only parent she has right now!" lando spoke softly but sternly with a sad look in his eyes considering nichola, my wife, was also good friends with lando as i gulped, nodding my head, he's right, i can't be selfish and ignore jazmyne just because she's the eldest 

"sorry lando," i sniffled, finally letting myself have a cry as well, lando sighed sadly and sat next to me to calm me down

"oscar, don't apologise, your wife is in the hospital after giving birth to another wonderful baby girl after we all thought she was in the clear. it is totally normal and okay to cry and worry but, don't let that worry consume you. especially when you have four other kids, most especially your two fifteen-year-olds to look after as well," lando spoke softly and comfortingly as he rubbed my back 

agreeing with lando, i nodded my head, wiping away my tears with my hoodie sleeve and was when jazmyne came in front of me. although she was fifteen, she climbed into my lap, she still felt like a little kid around me but we had no care in the world considering she was nichola and i's, first kid, although only after we adopted her due to their parents no longer able to look after the twins. 

"osc...is, is nichola gonna be okay? is she gonna wake up?" jazmyne sniffled as i gulped, biting my lip, doing whatever it was i could in stopping my own tears from falling in front of my eldest as i just hugged her tighter, pulling her closer as lando just watched on 

"of course, she will jazz, it just takes time okay? but i promise you, she'll wake up and when she does, we can have lennon come home with her as well and we'll all be one big happy family..." i said with a shaky voice as jazmyne smiled which made me smile although i was just as scared and uncertain as jazmyne was about nichola waking up 

present-day | oscar's pov

"...oscar, why did you lie to me when you said that nichola was going to wake up and that lennon was going to come home with us?!" jazmyne suddenly screeched, i felt the tears in the back of my eyes as i was taken aback 

the last time jazmyne screamed at me was when she was still trying to come to terms with that she had lost her older sister when she was fifteen years old alongside the rest of her siblings.

"i...i, jazz..." just as i went to explain to her with everyone watching the two of us, jazmyne screams once more and then runs, storms upstairs to her room and slams the door shut as it frightens everyone due to the loud noise it made 

"...just shut up oscar! i hate you! i hate cecelia! i hate everyone in this goddamn house! i just want my sister back! why is that so hard to understand?!" she screams as she then runs upstairs to her room after which she slams her door shut, all of us left jumping in fear 

as soon as jazmyne's door slams shut, a sob comes out of nowhere and left my mouth as i sunk from my standing position to the floor below, my legs not able to hold the weight of my body up anymore. 

"oh...oscar..." cecelia whispered as she ran over to comfort me and the tears don't stop, and neither do the loud wails that caused my entire body to shake 

cecelia pulls me into her arms and i cried into her chest as she tries to get me to calm down, i look up to notice lando and max both agreed to go upstairs to see jazmyne as it had all of a sudden gone quiet. thanking every god i could think of that charles and his girlfriend were distracting elena, noah, logan and lennon otherwise i'd rather die right now than see my other kids see their older sister in this sort of state. 

"ssh, it's okay osc, let it all out. lando and max have gone upstairs to see if jazz is okay. everything is going to be fine, babe. i know you miss nichola, and so do i but, we have to be as strong as we can for the kids, okay?" cecelia sternly spoke as i nodded my head, sniffling as i got up off the floor and the both of us followed lando and max up the stairs to jazmyne's room 

cecelia and i had made it to jazmyne's room where the door was closed. giving us the obvious that lando and max had gotten through to her somehow and got her to allow them to talk to her. 

lando's pov

"...jazmyne, we know how much you're missing your sister. trust me, she was my best friend and i miss nichola, as does everyone. however, what you just said to oscar was not nice, okay? you made him really upset, you really gave him a fright when you yelled at him as well," softly, i reached my hand over to my niece who gulped, finally lifting her head up, making me smile in slight shock that i got through to her so quickly 

then, jazmyne finally, lifted her head up and her face was littered with tears. i shared a sad look with max as i had to figure this out. 

"i...i'm sorry uncle lando but, i...i really miss nichola! i mean, cecelia's great, i really do love her but, knowing that she's nichola's best friend just makes it hurt even more and i..." before jazmyne could continue, max shushed her and calmed her down 

"...shh, jazz, it's okay schat, we all know how much you're missing your sister, we all miss her just as much *soft giggle* however, as uncle lando said, you shouldn't have yelled at oscar like that. he is also still grieving the loss of your sister as well as trying to balance five kids on his own and having you yelling at him, telling him that you hate him isn't going to bring your sister back now is it?" max was also soft but fatherly in his tone, sitting in front of jazz, sitting criss-cross as she gulped, shaking her head no - it was shocking that max was getting through to jazmyne the way he was 

"no," she responded as she pressed her hands together, noticing how sweaty they were as i rubbed her back, giving me a small smile and then giving one to max

"exactly jazz so, we're gonna stand up and just right outside, cecelia and oscar are waiting and you're going to apologise and give oscar the biggest hug ever because he really needs it. he misses nichola so much and, you are one of five remaining things he's got left of your sister alongside your siblings so, make sure you hug him as tightly as you can!" max said with a small smile as jazmyne nodded her head, making max and i smile - yes, we actually got through to her!

we then all stood up as jazmyne opened the door, cecelia and oscar were outside waiting as jazmyne ran straight over to oscar as he catches her. straight away, they both broke down into tears as i bit my lip, stopping myself from crying.

"i...i'm so sorry oscar! i...i don't hate you, i just really miss nichola and with her not being here, it just hurts. and, i'm sorry to you as well, cecelia. i don't hate you either, it's just, knowing you are nichola's best friend makes it hurt even more as it reminds me all the time of what i've lost and it...it scares me that i'm gonna lose you and i...i don't want that," jazmyne sobs out into oscar's shoulder as i share a look with max as we sigh quietly - jazmyne was still learning about what grief was and how to deal with it all

"thank you for apologising jazzy but, it is okay. i know you don't hate me because i understand that this is all due to you missing your sister. i miss her too, we all do. but, please, don't yell at me like that ever again, okay? if you want to scream, the best idea is to scream into a pillow. remember the lavender pillow that she gave to you for your birthday? use that, trust me, it works and i do it almost all the time before i go to bed, i just scream into my pillow and smell your sister's perfume and, i feel ten times better," oscar smiles, pulling out of the hug as jazmyne smiles back, wiping her tears away as she nods her head 

two years ago | oscar's pov

"...where's my wife?! where is she?!" i scream, tears streaming down my face as i try to figure out where she went 

for context, my wife wasn't in the same hospital room she was in last week when cecelia and lando's girlfriend were staying here and, no messages were sent from cecelia to me about a room change so i was furious. not at cecelia but at the hospital as usually, you'd think that they'd be the ones to contact you about a room change, not your best friend but, apparently, you get neither! 

"sir...sir, can you please calm down? who is it that you are trying to find?" a nurse suddenly runs in front of me and i slightly calm down, i gulp as i see my hands shake in front of me before i respond 

"my wife, nichola piastri, she's been in room 392b for about, ah, i don't know, a few months in and out since giving birth to our newborn daughter, lennon grace piastri. but, when i just then went inside to visit her, there was no one in there! is my wife okay? we-we have five kids, two 15-year-olds, an 8-year-old, a 7-year-old and a newborn together! please, tell me that nichola is okay?!" i say as my breathing speeds up as i feel another batch of tears well in my eyes as i try to keep them from streaming down my cheeks 

i then hear footsteps come up behind me, a hand pulling me back, i instantly recognise it as lando. i feel my breathing start to regulate properly, knowing that my f1 family were here for me. 

"okay, what's your name sir and, who are these people behind you?" the kind nurse whose nametag introduced her as dr rachel alessi asks as i look behind me before responding 

"i...i'm oscar piastri, nichola's husband, i have four of my five children and i-uh..." 

"--we're the rest of his family, doctor alessi if you please, we'd really like it if we could go in and find out what's wrong with nichola, please, that is all we're asking for!" lando interrupts as i smile at the ground before i looked back up as doctor alessi nodded her head 

"okay, my apologies, come with me guys. in regards to the reason why we've moved nichola from room 392b to just a couple of rooms down from this waiting room was i think due to some issues that were happening that i am not fully aware of so, apologies for that. however, because i am only just a registered nurse, you'll have to wait until nichola's midwife and surgeon who was actually the two managing and taking care of her, to find out what it is that's wrong with her. so, i'll unfortunately, have to ask you all to just, as patiently as you can, wait here until one of the surgeons or midwives is able to give you the information you need. thank you for being so patient oscar and company," doctor alessi was professional as she could be as she was then whisked away into another waiting room across the hall 

i then fell back into the chair behind me as i heard crying - i turned to see it was jazmyne, she was crying into her knees as my heart shattered. her brothers, noah and logan were sound asleep and elena had left to fetch herself and jazmyne something to eat, just as she had promised on the drive over from monaco. i moved closer to jazmyne as i notice the rest of her uncles and family looking over at jazmyne and me, and i could easily tell that they were heartbroken as well. jazmyne leans her head into my chest and i pull her closer as she sobs. i bite my lip to stop my own cries despite the difficulty that was. 

"ssh, jazz, it's okay babe! nichola's going to be just fine, okay?" i try to calm jazmyne down as her cries just get louder - this is the one thing about parenting that i struggle with, watching and hearing my children cry and not knowing exactly how to comfort them or cry with them 

max and i share a look, max knowing the exact look of wishing he could take the pain away. he bites his lip as i know he wanted to cry now as well, lando, nichola's best friend had started crying long ago but, max didn't want to cry. he wanted to stay strong for his nieces and nephews and, i don't blame him as i felt the same way. 

"when...when will she wake up? i miss my sister!" jazz sobs as i close my eyes, hoping it was all just a dream and that we were on a beach or at a grand prix as a family, not in the hospital in france

"i...i don't know jazz, i really don't know and i am so sorry that i can't give you a proper answer!" i respond tearfully as jazz sobs again and i feel awful as that was when doctor alessi came back over to us with somewhat of a hopeful look on her face which made my heart race 

"ahem, i...i am so sorry if this is something i'm interrupting but, oscar, is it okay if i just grab you for a second, privately? one of jazz's uncles can take her and the boys but, i just really need to tell you this in private due to the children..." doctor alessi spoke in a hushed sort of tone

i gulped, nodding my head as i released my grip on jazmyne, max and lando immediately grabbing her, lando's fingers massaging her head as charles and his girlfriend watched over noah and logan, elena still getting some food. doctor alessi leading the both of us into a hallway a couple of doors down from the waiting room 

"...so, what's up with nichola, has there been any new news about her from her midwives or surgeons?" i ask as i bite the inside of my lip as doctor alessi takes a second which worries me slightly 

"that's the thing, oscar. when nichola was pregnant with lennon, it was always known from the beginning that it would be a troublesome pregnancy. i also understand that you guys were told that as soon as lennon was to be delivered that nichola would be fine and that within twenty-four to forty-eight hours that she'd be discharged along with your daughter. however, that obviously was not true as nichola has been here for way longer than expected. and that is because, something irregular with nichola's blood was detected and, it looked as if it was a tear which has caused internal bleeding---" this was all too much for me to comprehend but, nichola's going to survive right? i mean, she has to, we have five kids together for fuck sake, we have jazmyne, elena, noah, logan and lennon together! 

"---wha...what? but, nichola's okay, right? like, she's gonna survive? she...she's going to wake up?" i ask, feeling myself panic, please tell me that nichola's going to wake up, i can't have my five children, especially little lennon grow up without their mum and sister 

"just as i was about to explain before you cut me off, oscar, there is a high percentage rate of her not waking up," my heart fell with a thud into my chest as she said that and my eyes widen 

"do you know the percentage of nichola waking up?" i asked as tears brimmed my eyes, i mean, is there even going to be a survival rate for her considering her death rate is already so high but still unknown 

"i actually have no idea oscar, i was not told. however, because we don't think nichola is going to last through the night without complications, we think it's best if you go visit her, her room number is 583b. i suggest you also grab all of the children, elena included and the aunties and uncles. of course, the younger boys, noah and logan aren't going to fully understand and that's totally understandable. but, even if jazmyne and elena get confused as well, try to make it somewhat easier for all of them to understand. but if you can't make them understand, i am more than happy to explain it to them. but, i...uh, i'm terribly sorry about this oscar, all of us who've been working directly and even those indirectly with nichola were really hoping for it to end in any way but this way and, i'm sorry we can't have it end positively with your wife..." i feel my heart shatter and drown as i try to come to terms with what doctor alessi just revealed as she then speaks up again 

"...oh, and before i forget, for a few moments, it did look as though she was responding with the movements of limbs but, it wasn't anything to suggest that it was an improvement because almost straight away, she went back down. but, besides that, if you'll come back with me, i can walk with you and tell the rest of the family about nichola so you don't have to and then, i can lead you guys to 583b and say your final goodbyes to her," doctor alessi spoke professionally, without skipping a beat as i nodded my head, a single tear slipping down my cheek as my worst fear had come true - my best friend dying on me, leaving me as a single father to our five children 

"thank you doctor alessi," was all that i could muster saying from my mouth as i follow behind her as we walk back to the group, noticing that elena had only just walked back over from the cafe and the doctor breaks the news to them

straight away, jazmyne runs over to me, seeing her uncle lando struggle to hold back his tears with max right next to him, lando's girlfriend on the other side. jazmyne then looked up at me with sad and confused eyes as my heart broke, again.

"osc...why is uncle lando crying?" jazmyne questioned in confusion as my heart shatters and i bite my lip and take a deep breath - ready to tell her when doctor alessi steps in instead

"jazz..." 

"...jazmyne, sweetheart, the reason why some of your family members are crying is that something has happened to your sister since giving birth to your sister, lennon," doctor alessi started as jazmyne tilted her head to the side and then turns it to elena as they stood together, all bunched up watching what was happening 

"what do you mean doctor alessi? is nichola okay?" jazmyne asks as my heart cracks

yes, she was fifteen and a big girl, as is elena, but in this situation, i had never seen my two girls look so small and afraid in their lives. turning to look away, i look back to notice that max had wrapped his arm around me. his girlfriend kelly watching over noah and logan as they both fell asleep 

"remember when oscar mentioned that nichola was sick?" uncle lando shakily jumps in, wiping his tears away as he moves closer to jazmyne and elena, the two girls nod their heads, uncle lando going down to his knees to level with the girls as they hug each other as doctor alessi continues 

"yeah..." the sisters mumble with head nods, doctor alessi taking over

"...well, jazmyne and elena, because your guys' sister and mum is sick, she has been having to stay here in this hospital like baby lennon had to, to make sure she could get better. however, there is a chance that due to the sickness your sister has, it is doubtful that she's going to wake up again..." doctor alessi pauses again as jazmyne and elena look at each other and then around at everyone else - jazmyne then making eye contact with all of her uncles and aunties whilst elena just looks down to the floor 

"...wait, what? why wouldn't nichola wake up? she...she has to... what about baby lennon? what about me and elena? what about noah and logan? what about oscar? she's the closest thing me and elena have to a mum! what's going on..." jazmyne started to panic as uncle lando tries to calm her down by pulling her closer to his body 

"...jazmyne, sweetheart, nichola isn't going to wake up, she's going to die..." although everyone else apart from my kids were adults, still hearing doctor alessi say that nichola, the mother/sister of my children was going to die was still hard to hear as jazmyne starts to whimper, lando once again, trying to calm her down 

"...nichola's not going to come home, dad?" jazmyne questioned, calling me dad for the first time in years looking towards me, her voice small as that was the moment that all of our hearts broke 

"mhm, nichola's not coming home, jazz," i whispered as tears streamed down my cheeks as lando let go of jazmyne allowing her to run over to me

picking her up, the both of us crying whilst elena, noah and logan reacted differently. elena went numb and the two boys latched on to each other but neither cried just yet and lennon, she was having her last few hospital evaluations in the nicu.

present-day | oscar's pov

it was a school day for four of five of my children however, for jazmyne and elena, since they were both in year 11, their school teacher had allowed her students to bring in the parent/parents of the student/students. in a bid to share the occupation of their parent/caregiver as a way to inspire the other year 11 students who were about to start their senior year. and, obviously, although both girls didn't want to also bring cecelia, who was also within the f1/motorsport profession, jazmyne and elena just brought me in. for the obvious reason that cecelia needed to take care of lennon back home, the baby of the family. we were having a discussion in class about something in regard to the work i do as an f1 driver for mclaren racing when one of elena and jazmyne's school friends had questioned about nichola. and why their sister hadn't come since i was the only single 'parent' in the session.

"...jazz, elena, what about oscar's job? he's still in formula one, right? also, where's your guys' sister, nichola?" macie, a best friend of jazmyne and elena questioned as my eyes widened in shock

i sworn i had told macie's mother, marnie, who was also the girls' school teacher not to mention nichola. as recently, both girls, jazmyne and elena, hadn't been coping well so, i was scared at how both girls were going to respond to their friend.

both elena and jazmyne's heads shoot up from their early junior certificate testing that the two sisters had both been working on as i couldn't distinguish how they were both feeling like i could usually do. however, neither girl cried, they didn't scream. they were strong and confident and jazmyne spoke up first and answered without hesitation which shocked me. not because i thought neither daughter could do it, but, because jazmyne answered so straightforwardly. something that adults my age struggle with and, jazmyne and elena have both only just turned seventeen. 

"she died two years ago, macie, she never got to leave the hospital. the blood loss she suffered after she had given birth to lennon was too much and, the nurses couldn't control it in time and it was too late. we would've thought that your mum would have told you?" jazmyne spoke softly, elena mumbling a "yeah" whilst looking at macie

the two girls shrugging their shoulders empathetically to macie who looked as though it was the first time she was being told this news from her friends 

"oh..." macie responded as marnie interrupted when macie was just about to apologise 

"...oh my gosh! i am so sorry jazmyne, elena and mr piastri, class and parents please, continue with whatever it is you were doing..." marnie spoke out loud before moving closer to me, my two daughters and macie and continuing 

"...that was so rude of macie to ask you! she knows to not talk about it, most especially during class, jazmyne, elena, girls are you okay?" marnie hushed harshly before calming down and rushing over to my two girls to make sure they were fine, both of them smiling and looking identical to their older sister as they nodded their heads 

elena speaking up first this time, "it's okay mrs nelson, i'm fine, jazmyne's fine and so is our dad. i mean, if macie didn't know and wants to know, she has that right. it is okay to ask things like that sometimes as long as it doesn't get too personal and even then, have you met jazz and i's father? but, thank you for asking if we're okay but, seriously, we're totally fine, please, don't baby us!" elena smiled as that shocked the entire class, including jazmyne but, i couldn't hide my smile - both of my girls were definitely nichola and i's girls 

and yes, elena and jazmyne were now comfortable enough to refer to me as 'dad' not just around the house but in public as well. of course when it's realised that they are the younger sisters of my deceased wife, it gets kind of messy. but, now that they were older and now that it had been two years since the loss of their sister and were still under my guardianship since they're still under eighteen, they both asked if they could refer to me as dad since their real dad had no affiliation to them anymore. similar with their biological mum, hence why me and nichola adopted them in the first place all those years ago before we had our own biological kids.

getting called out by one of her students definitely was embarrassing for marnie but, she picked herself up and continued, "well, i...i'm still going to make macie apologise, alright girls? asking someone where their sister, brother, mother or father is, is not okay,. and she needs to learn that, even at seventeen, she needs to learn that not every single one of her friends has both parents or family in their lives as she does and she needs to know that and be sensitive towards it," marnie splutters out as jazmyne and elena nod their heads as they go back to the early junior certificate for next year when they are both eighteen alongside macie when marnie pulls me aside 

she looked sort of mad that her daughter asked jazmyne and elena about nicola but, to be honest, did marnie even explain it properly or at all to macie as it's been two years since nichola died? or, did she just forget about that bit like it was nothing because macie was too young? and just decided to tell macie that nichola was just going to stay sleeping in a hospital bed for a while? then i notice the face that macie made when her mum said that she knew not to talk about it and how it really looked as if macie legitimately had no clue about nichola's death two years on. 

"i am so sorry..." just as marnie was going to splutter out a useless apology on behalf of her very capable seventeen-year-old daughter, i stopped her 

"...marnie, just stop for a second. did you seriously tell your daughter at all as to what happened to nichola or did you just expect that as she got older that she'd find out on her own as to why she never came to the funeral to help her best friends say the eulogy that she had helped them write like we agreed she would?" i was stern in my approach as marnie looks at me in shock as if i couldn't raise my voice at anyone on my own without nichola or without crying over it 

"wha...what, of course, i did, that's--" 

"--no, she didn't oscar," macie's sweet voice came up from behind as i gave the girl a proud smile after she had stood up for herself in front of her mum - also smiling due to being called by my first name which was something i hadn't heard in a while from her since she was always forced by her mum to call me 'mr piastri' which i hated

"she refused to even let me ask about you guys for an entire year before she could even mention nichola because she didn't want to get upset and "cry" over a friend which, i'm sorry mum but, what the actual fuck?" macie was angry as the lunch bell then rang, the other students and parents apart from jazmyne, elena and macie leaving as marnie tried so hard to make what her own daughter was saying to seem like a lie when really, i believed the best friend of my daughter's more than the adult 

"really, macie? she never mentioned anything to you about what happened to nichola during lennon's birth? so, the first time you actually hear about it is from jazmyne and elena?" i questioned with my arms crossed over as both my daughters and macie nod their heads as i turn back around to look at marnie who looked as though she had seen a ghost - in which, she bloody damn will in a second and it won't be nichola's happy ghost either! 

"yes, i am serious oscar, mum hasn't ever mentioned once why cecelia has now been living with you guys and why nichola hasn't been around when i've stayed over. and why i didn't go to the funeral even though i was supposed to because i wasn't even told that the funeral was for nichola in the first place. even when i helped jazz and elena write the eulogy, they never specified who i was writing it for," macie looked at me with teary eyes as my heart shattered for the teenage girl who i'd actually become closer with since becoming closer to her parents - why would marnie not even tell her daughter about the loss of her best friends' sister? 

macie then started to cry, obviously very overwhelmed from the situation earlier and now only just finding out that for the last two years, the mother of her best friends had been deceased and she had no clue the entire time. without hesitation, jazmyne and elena rushed over and pulled their best friend in for a hug whilst marnie just stayed stagnant and did nothing to even try and comfort her child. 

comforting their best friend, jazmyne and elena hugged macie tightly, elena speaking up, "aw, macie, it's okay. it's not your fault you didn't know, we should have realised that your mum wasn't telling you and we should have then told you ourselves, we just assumed you knew already," elena whispered as jazmyne nodded her head as they hugged macie as closely as they could as i stopped marnie from coming any closer - truthfully, i don't think macie wanted to even look at her mum ever again, thanking god that it was still lunch break

"no, marnie, stay away. i don't even think macie wants to look at you and i wouldn't blame her if she'd never want to be seen next to you ever again. especially considering how long you kept this news from her. why on earth did you refuse to tell her? she deserved to know about the death of her best friends' sister just as much as my own children did!" i was mad, fuming at what marnie had done to her daughter 

"mr piastri, macie's my child, you can't stop me from comforting her..." 

"...yes he can, mum. oscar is right, i don't even want to look at you, let alone be seen with you ever again! in all honesty, i don't even want to live with you anymore, i want to live with dad because then that means i'll be right next door to jazmyne and elena and i'll actually be able to be told things straight away and not have to wait years before i'm actually told things that are important like the death of their sister! and i'll actually be taken care of properly because dad actually loves me and he makes it his priority to make sure his children are taken care of, no wonder why he's got full custody of the rest of my siblings. and unlike your lies, this family actually wanted me at nichola's funeral, and so did i, why do you think i helped them write the bloody eulogy they were going to say? you even said i could go and say that eulogy with jazmyne and elena however when the day did come, you left the house without even giving me any knowledge that you were leaving and that it was time to go. like i mentioned earlier, i didn't even know that the funeral was for nichola and that i was helping jazz and nicole say a eulogy for her because you never told me it was her funeral, to begin with. all because you didn't even tell me that she had died. yet, i still waited for two nearly three hours for you to come into my room to tell me if it was time to go or not. however, you never came back until the funeral was over and i had no goddamn idea that it was over and that it was nichola's funeral. what the fuck is wrong with you that you couldn't even tell me something as simple as the information that the sister and mother of my two best friends and their siblings had died. was it because i spent so much time with dad, therefore meaning i spent too much time going next door and spending more time with the piastris than i spent with you?" macie was a strong girl, a very strong girl however, not once until now did we think she was going to be able to stand up to her own mother like that 

no one knew how to respond so, no one did. jazmyne, elena and i just smiled at how proud we were of macie for standing up for herself, her friends and her father in the way she did. and, just like we imagined, marnie was shocked, unable to comprehend her daughter and her student because don't forget, marnie was also her school teacher, just exposed her and stood up to her. and, also, just so you know, macie's father, matthew, had won full custody of his daughter not long after this interaction and marnie was not granted any visitations with any of her five children, including macie. 

two years ago | lando's pov

the one day that none of us was ready for suddenly jumped up on us. nichola's funeral. due to being jazmyne and elena's uncle due to the fact that i am their sister's best friend, i had the job of making sure my two nieces, jazmyne and elena were okay whilst max and charles took care of noah, logan and baby lennon and cecelia was taking care of oscar. although i was also at my breaking point emotionally, just like oscar was, i had to make sure i stayed strong for my two nieces jazz and elena. 

*knock knock* there was a small sounding knock at my bedroom door, knowing it came from jazz and elena, i let them both come in. 

"come in you two, what's up my princesses?" i say as my back is facing them as i finish fixing my hair although i knew it would be a crows nest after oscar's finished crying into it at the funeral 

"you're the last one ready, uncle lando, we need to leave," elena's hoarse voice rang out as my heart broke and my eyes widened as i turned around to face the two fifteen-year-olds who were dressed in their very best black dresses, their hair is done perfectly by cecelia with some suede black boots 

i then questioned why max or charles didn't come up, why did they get jazmyne and elena to come upstairs to tell me? 

"oh...oh, thanks elena, why...why didn't they get uncle max or uncle charles to come up and get me?" i ask, patting the bed down for jazmyne and elena to come and sit down next to me for a moment before having to leave 

jazmyne then spoke up with a shrug, "we don't know, apparently it was because macie's stupid mum, marnie, our school teacher, had shown up and they were trying to deal with her. and, elena and i were the only two who were free to come upstairs to tell you," jazmyne sighed, with a shrug of her shoulders as elena nodded her head as my eyes widened again, why was marnie here? i mean, macie was supposed to come but, not her mother

"oh, well, has marnie left then?" i ask as both girls shake their heads, elena speaking up this time 

"nah, we think she has somehow convinced dad to let her come but only if she stays right at the back and doesn't do anything stupid, she can stay," elena shrugs as a disgusted look shows up on both sisters' faces as i try not to laugh

yeah as a family, we weren't really a fan of macie's mother despite the fact that macie, her siblings and father were the complete opposites, a group of absolute angels 

"okay but, we should probably head downstairs now then girls..." just as i went to stand up, jazmyne pulled my hand back down as i gave the two girls worried looks 

"...what's wrong jazz and elena? we need to go and say goodbye to your sister and mum," i responded as the two girls just looked up at me with their sad, devastated puppy dog eyes as my heart broke 

"we're not ready..." jazmyne responded as the girls looked back at me as i pulled them both in for a hug and we stayed in that hug for a little while before the three of us stood up, me holding jazmyne's hand whilst elena latched hands with jazmyne and we walked downstairs where everyone else who was attending the funeral was waiting 

"...aw, girls, i know you're not. trust me, i'm not ready to say a final goodbye to my best friend either so, i can't imagine what it feels like for you two and your brothers having to say your final goodbyes to your sister and mum," i whispered as we then walked downstairs 

🥀

i sat down in my seat in the church of the funeral with elena and jazmyne on each side of me, oscar on elena's side and cecelia on jazmyne's as we waited for the next speech. which was one of nichola's siblings and then after that it was jazmyne, elena and macie's turn, macie who was the daughter of marnie and was supposed to be here but, she was nowhere to be seen. macie was the girl who had helped elena and jazmyne write their eulogy for their sister and expressed her interest in wanting to attend today's service. but, it seemed as though macie wasn't aware that it was for nichola since her mum, marnie, was notorious for not telling important things to macie or the rest of her children straight away, usually telling them months or even years later. 

one of nichola's sisters had just finished their speech and, whilst it broke hearts, hearing the priest introduce the next speech being spoken by nichola's two younger sisters who she adopted and a family friend, jazmyne, elena and macie, was even more heartbreaking to everyone in the church. and that was because they all knew these three girls as fifteen-year-olds, they were just kids and they were already having to speak about the death of their sister and the mother of their siblings and friends. 

and when it did come to jazmyne, elena and macie's turn, macie was still nowhere to be found and it really worried jazmyne and elena but, that was when i realised that marnie had definitely not told macie at all about nichola's death. and just knowing that she didn't tell her daughter but still had the audacity to come to my best friend's funeral infuriated me because she knew her daughter was involved in the funeral but didn't even tell her who it was for and therefore didn't allow her to attend. 

"...elena, jazz, what are you girls doing? it's your turn to speak about your sister," i whispered as the two girls whimpered softly, their hands not leaving each other or mine as elena spoke up ever so quietly 

"where...where's macie, uncle lando? she's meant to be here with jazmyne and me! she's meant to help us with the eulogy, she was the one who wrote it for us because we couldn't do it ourselves one day at school! but, macie's nowhere to be found but marnie is still here!" elena stuttered out as my heart breaks for my two nieces

i don't know where macie is either but, i have a pretty good assumption that marnie left the house without even letting macie know about it. the fifteen-year-old had probably spent ages getting ready for the funeral and was still waiting for the moment her mum was going to walk into her room and get her, not knowing it wasn't actually going to happen. 

"i...i'm not sure girls but, it looks like you two are going to have to go up together, just the two of you. you just need to be brave and do it just the two of you and, if you need, i can come up with you?" i spoke softly, comforting them both as jazmyne and elena nodded their heads, putting their bravest faces on 

"okay," jazmyne and elena respond, their bravest faces on as i stand up with them, holding jazmyne's hand whilst elena holds one of jazmyne's fingers as we walk up to the podium, jazmyne and elena holding hands as i stand back a couple of steps behind them 

i then notice oscar as well as cecelia who are both smiling towards the two sisters as i just spoke a couple of words before jazmyne and elena's eulogy. 

"hello everyone, just before nichola's two younger sisters that she and her husband adopted say their eulogy, i am lando norris. i'm one of the uncles to the piastri children and one of nichola's best friends, just on behalf of the entire piastri family and extended, i just want to say a huge thank you for coming. i know funerals aren't everyone's favourite thing to be doing on a day as pretty as today in monaco but, we have to. it's what nichola would have wanted and, i'm glad we were able to come together in the way we have to celebrate a wonderful woman like nichola. i say this because, she's honestly the perfect woman and sister/mother to her five beautiful children and a wonderful wife to her husband, oscar. so, once again, just a small thank you all for coming and now, i'm going to pass the mic on to nichola and oscar's two oldest daughters, jazmyne and elena to say the eulogy that they had prepared for their sister," i managed to keep it together as i was applauded before i moved back a couple of steps as jazmyne and elena moved up to the microphone, still holding hands to comfort one another 

"hi everybody, just like our uncle lando just mentioned, i'm jazmyne amber piastri, the eldest younger sister and adopted daughter of nichola and oscar piastri..." 

"...and i'm elena nicole piastri, the second eldest younger sister and adopted daughter of nichola and oscar piastri and although this isn't exactly what me and my sister ever dreamt of doing at such ages of fifteen, having to say goodbye to our sister who stepped up and became our mum, we are however very grateful that we have all of you guys here to help me and jazmyne's family to get through it. so, umm, jazmyne's just going to say a few words in regards to who me and jazmyne's sister was as a person and how amazing she was because, jazmyne doesn't think she personally told her enough and then, i'm going to speak after her with my part of the eulogy..." elena trailed off but was a wonderful speaker, as was jazmyne, exactly like their sister, which is why i think it was so hard for everyone to hear the two girls say a eulogy at their sister's funeral as jazmyne moved forward to the microphone

"originally, me and elena were going to have our best friend from school, macie, to help us since she had actually written this eulogy for us. but, she actually isn't here so, it'll just be me and elena so, here i go," jazmyne paused as she rolled her shoulders back and continued as me and elena smiled at her 

"i always loved telling people, as did elena, that our sister/mum was nichola piastri and that our dad was oscar piastri. i loved it because it both confused people and weirded them out when i would explain that my mum is actually my older sister and my dad drives for the mclaren formula one team. so for those who aren't actually aware about the family dynamic, nichola was our older sister and by the time she was old enough to get out of our horrible home situation and got herself a place to live with oscar, she made the decision to legally adopt me and elena. making sure she had all evidence possible so that she had the best chance to adopt us and making sure that there was no way that the judge would be able to give custody back to our biological parents. and because of that, nichola showed oscar just how beautiful of a person she was. and i truly think that's what made him fall that much more in love with our sister. oscar has been in elena and i's lives for so many years now even before he and nichola took us in that it all just blurs into one and no matter what moment in that timeframe i'm talking about, i can't help but smile because it was a happy time in my life because i knew me and elena were safe always. it didn't matter if something went wrong, i knew that if i was with my sister and her boyfriend that we were safe and we weren't being left behind. and then, a couple years after nichola and oscar took elena and i in, they realised that being parents was truly their calling in life so they then had their first baby, the beautiful little noah jack who is exactly like his mummy! and then not long after that they had logan michael and now only recently, baby lennon was born and that completed our special and blended family. however, that...that's not what this whole eulogy is about despite how it might sound like..."

"...i only wanted to mention that because, it was and still is something i'm so proud of because, my whole childhood, i found everything my parents did to be amazingly cool even though dad wasn't home as much as nichola was. nichola was more of a caretaker than the wife of a formula one driver. she loved to take care of people even if she had known the person for less than ten minutes, she'd be coddling them and calling them her child. and this is when macie would come into the eulogy but because she isn't here, it means i have to say it..." jazmyne paused again before she took in a deep breath and continued 

"...when i first introduced me and elena's first ever school friend, macie, to nichola and oscar, they were extremely excited because for the last few years before we had met macie, we were doing what was basically homeschool since me and elena were the two older ones that would sometimes join oscar when he'd travel for formula one. so, when we both got to the age of homeschooling becoming a bit lonely, nichola and osc made the collective decision to have me and elena stay in monaco with nichola during the school term and then have elena and i go to the european races during our holidays. this meant that going to an actual school and meeting new people was kind of scary because elena and i only had each other since when we were at physical school, we didn't spend a lot of time there to form proper friendships with the other students our ages. even scarier when it's considered that throughout the whole of monaco and europe, me and my sister were extremely popular as were our unborn brothers because we're the adopted daughters of oscar piastri from formula one, meaning that we were slightly worried that anytime we tried to make friends, we'd only meet kids who'd only want to talk to us because of oscar..." 

"...however, it didn't really do that, especially when on the first day of our new school, we met macie nelson, the daughter of our teacher, mrs marnie nelson, who we were going to have for a good few years of our schooling. macie was a sweet, kind, quiet, shy but pocket rocket of a girl. we knew straight away, elena and i, that she was going to be our new best friend, if not our third sister even though we do now have our third sister, our beautiful baby lennon grace piastri," 

"and, going back to the point of nichola being a caretaker, the literal second that elena, myself and macie walked into the house after school, nichola was already calling macie "sweetheart", "babe", "my darling girl", all the things that she called me and elena, her actual sisters. and, i don't think either elena or me could lie and say our hearts didn't flutter in happiness because they really did," jazmyne started to falter as elena gave her a little nudge as jazmyne nodded her head and elena took over 

"and now, jazmyne and i knew how oscar felt every time nichola spoke those sweet nicknames to him *coos and awws* macie was already a part of the piastri family and she hadn't even been properly introduced to nichola, oscar who was off from touring for a couple of weeks and noah, our only brother at the time," elena took over and recovered perfectly from jazmyne's falter as she continued

"jazmyne said all of this and i am too because nichola really loved people and she loved being the mum to those whose mum didn't love them as she did. it was her true calling for her to be a mother and jazmyne and i, along with our siblings, are so glad that we had the opportunity to call her our 'mum/sister' for fifteen, eight and seven years on this earth that we've had with her. and, also, nichola, i think you'll be happy when we tell you that macie's dad has finally sorted out that custody battle as macie has now been granted permission to start the move back to her dad's house. so, i think you can stop hovering over mrs nelson and giving her a hard time even though we all know deep down that she deserves it, it really is time to stop. as, legally, macie's dad can take macie from her whenever he feels like he needs too *everyone giggles*..." 

"we love you so much nichola, thank you, once again, for being the best mum/sister to jazmyne, myself, noah, logan and lennon, love jazmyne and elena," elena finished her sister's part of the eulogy with so much bravery and poise after her sister faltered that, i don't even think the two girls needed me up here with them for moral support

elena then shakes her head towards the priest, saying that she didn't need to say her part of the eulogy since jazmyne's part basically covered the things she was going to speak about anyway. we then walk off the stage and back to our seats in the front row pew where oscar and cecelia gave jazmyne, elena and me hugs. 

"...you two girls did amazing!" cecelia whispered as jazmyne and elena both smiled as i agreed, all of us then sitting down 

"we did it for their sister and mum," i smiled as jazmyne and elena nodded their heads in agreement, jazmyne's tears disappearing as we all held hands and hugged as the rest of the service happened

present time | oscar's pov 

it was christmas, which means it is the hardest time of the year for jazmyne, elena, the boys and me, especially since nichola's death. jazmyne had just lost her love and excitement for christmas completely last christmas and now this one as well. it broke my heart to see the bright blue sparkles of her eyes be dull on christmas morning when her other siblings, elena, noah, logan and baby lennon were always so excited. except, strangely, this year, the sparkle in her beautiful blue eyes for the first time in two, nearly three years, came back. 

"daddio!" jazmyne's mature, seventeen-year-old voice was heard down the hall, calling me her "daddio" like the old days, making my heart flutter as cecelia and i looked at each other in confusion at jazmyne 

cecelia and i started dating after being told to by nichola in a letter she had written to me and the family that doctor alessi had given to me after the family had said our final goodbyes on the day nichola passed away. she made me promise that i'd move on and start dating cecelia, making sure that it wasn't forced by grief and that it was organic as her only two rules. and also to make sure i gave jazmyne, elena, noah and logan the chance of having a motherly figure in their life again and for baby lennon to have a motherly figure in her life straight up since she wasn't even a full day old when nichola died. 

"yes, my darling?" i responded, slipping on a festive tee shirt as normally, jazmyne wouldn't be this happy on christmas morning and cecelia giggles, rolling back over to sleep again as i roll my eyes 

"it's christmas!" she yells out, almost waking up the entire house, cecelia and i hosting the f1 grid christmas this year, as we were all staying in monaco for christmas, all running into cecelia and i's room to make sure that jazmyne was okay 

"yes jazmyne, it is christmas, what's got you so happy?" i giggled as she gave me an innocent but still smug-like smile which confused me

my seventeen-year-old, one of, was still a child at heart, exactly like her daddio 

"come with me, daddio!" she then said with a snigger as she grabbed my hand as i turned back to cecelia who was fast asleep. how the heck has she been able to sleep through this entire thing?

"o...kay?" i questioned with a small giggle as she giggled as well and we ran down the hall into uncle lando and aunty luisa's room and i was confused 

"what are you doing jazmyne? what's gotten into you sweetpea, you haven't been this excited for christmas since nichola died, what's up, are you sure you're okay?" i questioned, giving my eldest daughter a worried look as jazmyne rolls her eyes and giggled

and just as i go to look at her uncle lando for help, he puts his hands up and leaves with luisa - god dammit lando and luisa! why is everyone against me today? it's christmas for christ's sake! 

"come on daddio! it's been two, nearly three years since nichola's died and since cecelia started becoming our mother figure and, i don't hate christmas anymore. it doesn't hurt the way it used to now that nichola isn't with us anymore. just, daddio, trust me, i've got it all under control but, before i go, could you please wake up cecelia and gather the entire family downstairs by the tree to do presents as i can't wait any longer!" jazmyne explained as i smiled, i was happy to hear that jazmyne was no longer upset about christmas so, i did as she said and i let to go wake up cecelia

"okay, i trust you're telling the truth and not just saying it because you want to impress everyone and fake it. but, i'll get cecelia and we'll be down in around three or four minutes," i smile, tapping jazmyne's back lightly as she squeals - yep, she's still that same little girl she was years ago even though she's seventeen, nearly eighteen 

🥀

the f1 grid and their partners, myself, elena, noah, logan and lennon were now downstairs as we awaited on jazmyne. for some odd reason, she was taking her time but, just as cecelia was going to go up to grab her, jazmyne came bundling down from the staircase as we all looked at each other in confusion. lennon resting in my hold, what is jazmyne doing? 

"jazmyne, sweetness, what are you doing?" i giggled, lennon laughing as well as jazmyne grabbed a bag of presents and handed them out to the group, leaving one for cecelia

then, this bombshell that none of us was expecting but was everything we wanted, dropped from her mouth. 

"mum, ever since nichola started deteriorating in the hospital after giving birth to lennon, you were there for the entire family and even before that frightful day, you were there for us. and, because it's christmas i thought it was the perfect time to say i really love you a lot and, after talking about it with elena, noah and logan since lennon is still too young to comprehend any of this, we've all decided that we're ready to start calling you our mum..." jazmyne smiled, not once stuttering as we all looked at jazmyne in shock expect for my other kids who clearly knew about this christmas present for cecelia

tears welled in my eyes as lennon smiled and hugged me tighter even though she was only two and didn't really understand much of what was happening. i shared a smile with four of my kids whilst we all had a group hug. kissing them all individually, letting them know that this was a beautiful christmas present for cecelia and how much it meant to both of us, not just her. 

"...jazmyne--" cecelia spoke as jazmyne sushed her and everyone laughed as she then continued on 

"...mum, you've been there for everything since nichola died and, we just want to ask you this on christmas morning because it's the right time for you to adopt me, elena, noah, logan and lennon and be our mum and marry our dad and become cecelia piastri?" jazmyne asks as cecelia jumps off the couch, pulling jazmyne into her arms as jazmyne giggles softly 

"oh, jazmyne, of course, darling! of course, i'll adopt you and the kids!" cecelia calls out as i cover my mouth, feeling the happy tears that welled up fall down my cheeks as i wipe them away before lennon and i ran, joining cecelia, jazmyne, elena, noah and logan in the hug as everyone else cheers

"phew, oh thank god you said yes as uh, i had uncle max and aunty kelly kinda help me with getting all the paperwork..." jazmyne spoke with hunched shoulders and a humourous smile to break up the silence as everyone laughed - of course, she had her uncle max and aunty kelly to help her, who else would have the tools to do so? 

"oh jazz, i was always going to look after you guys! that's what i promised your sister the day she died. i promised her that i was going to look after you, daddy and your siblings until my own dying breath," cecelia spoke with her beautiful smile as she kisses jazmyne's cheek, making her giggle as she then kisses the other kids 

it was then announced that the other kids could open their presents with their uncles and aunties with them. as cecelia and i had taken jazmyne and elena with us to a different room for their presents that were from the two of us. 

"jazmyne, elena, these two are for you, i know they may look like two blank envelopes but, i promise you, it's more than that..." i spoke as the two girls gave cecelia and me weird looks before opening the envelopes 

and, let's just say, i never expected this reaction from our two older girls but, we wouldn't have changed their reactions at all. 

"wha-wah-wait, hold up, mum, dad, are you guys serious?" elena was the first to speak up as jazmyne just stared down at the envelope 

"yeah, we're dead serious elena, it's about time we spoilt our two big kids rather than your brothers and baby sister," cecelia spoke up as jazmyne finally looked up, tears were in her eyes 

"you...you're allowing us to move to australia for university? mum? dad?" jazmyne was quiet, as quiet as i'd ever heard her, her voice only slightly rising at the end as i nodded my head, cecelia also nodding her head 

"yes, you two are graduating within the coming weeks and you're both going to be turning eighteen within the next few months so, of course, we were going to let you guys move to australia for university. it was actually something nichola left in the letter she wrote for you two," i spoke as jazmyne looked down, starting to cry and i smiled as elena comforted her 

"you okay, jazz? is it everything you wanted?" cecelia whispered, bopping down to both girls' height as jazmyne nodded her head 

"it...it's all i've ever wanted, mum. to be like nichola and daddio," jazmyne whimpered as she looked up once again and i walked over and lifted her up, her legs latching around my waist as i smile, jazmyne hugging me tighter 

"thank you," she whimpered as i squeezed jazmyne whilst cecelia did the same thing to elena

lando, max and charles (and their girlfriends) then joined us and smiled as they all leaned on each other. lando speaking up as i nodded my head. 

"so, i guess you told them?" lando spoke up, max and charles leaning against him as they all smiled and leant on each other as i nodded my head

"yeah, we did. it was about time lando, they deserved to know what nichola's final wish for them was before she died. they deserve to go back to australia, where they used to live and for them to study there. they deserve to have the choice to branch away from their sister's degree and their dad's job if that's what they so choose to do," i smiled a bright, happy smile that reached either side of my eyes as lando rubbed my back, also smiling 

jazmyne and i hugged a little longer before i placed her down as she then hugged cecelia and elena hugged me before we then decided to continue with the rest of the presents that everyone else got the kids. 

a gazillion presents later and i still think the one that really got to jazmyne was the present from mum and me for her and elena and then the car that uncle lando and aunty lusia had gotten them both. 

well, now this was the moment i knew that it was the right time to propose and marry cecelia, the love of my life and make her mrs piastri as well as the legal mother of our five kids, having our two eldest move to australia for university. this christmas couldn't have gone any better than it already had. a christmas miracle is what happened this year and, i think this instagram post proved it. 

liked by oscarpiastri, elenapiastri, cecelialambert, landonorris, maxverstappen1, charlesleclerc, luisinhaoliveira99, kellypiquet, alexandrasaintmleux, macienelson and 45k others

jazmynepiastri merry chrysler everybody 🤍

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oscarpiastri merry christmas my dear. glad this christmas was better for you than the last 🤍

jazmynepiastri oscarpiastri thank you daddio and, this christmas was far better than last christmas that's for sure 🤍

elenapiastri merry christmas jazzy 🤍

jazmynepiastri elenapiastri merry christmas el🤍

cecelialambert merry christmas babe 🤍

jazmynepiastri cecelialambert merry christmas mum 🤍

landonorris yes, luisa and i did give you and elena a merry chrysler! merry christmas jazmyne 🤍

jazmynepiastri landonorris yes, you did give elena and me a merry chrysler. merry christmas uncle lando🤍

maxverstappen1 merry christmas jazmyne. these photos are all gorgeous but that photo of little two-year-old lennon is just the sweetest thing, she's gotten so big 🤍

jazmynepiastri maxverstappen1 merry christmas uncle max. and thank you, i do love these photos and, i know, lennon has gotten so big, it's crazy at this point 🤍

charlesleclerc merry christmas jazmyne. makes us so very happy that this christmas was so much better than last christmas 🤍

jazmynepiastri charlesleclerc merry christmas uncle charles. and it makes me happy as well, this christmas was by far the best one yet 🤍

luisinhaoliveira99 merry christmas jazmyne. and i'm glad you and elena loved the chrysler uncle lando and i bought for you two 🤍

jazmynepiastri luisinhaoliveira99 merry christmas aunty luisa. and thank you so much to you and uncle lando for buying it for us, you didn't need to do that at all! we love her so much 🤍

kellypiquet merry christmas jazmyne. glad to see you smiling and happy in this year's photos 🤍

jazmynepiastri kellypiquet merry christmas aunty kelly. and thank you, i'm glad to see me smiling and enjoying christmas as well 🤍

alexandrasaintmleux merry chrysler to you too, jazmyne 🤍

jazmynepiastri alexandrasaintmleux aunty alex, please, never say merry chrysler ever again! but merry christmas aunty alex 🤍

macienelson merry christmas jazmyne! this christmas was so much better than any other christmas i've certainly had since childhood 🤍

jazmynepiastri macienelson merry christmas macie! and i agree, this christmas has topped every other christmas for me too 🤍

landooonorrriiss omg, seeing you smile and so happy in this year's christmas photos makes me tear up because i remember last year and how sad you looked in the photos that you and shane posted 🤍

jazmynepiastri landooonorrriiss awe, thank you so much, babe! and, honestly, it made me tear up as well after dad showed me the photos afterwards and i realised how happy i had actually been the whole day. and i remember how sad i was last christmas well and it breaks my heart too 🤍

fin

this was a fun one to rewrite! sorry that it wasn't really f1-y but it was kind of hard to do that due to how depresso espresso it was lol. but anyway, hopefully i'll get some original ideas soon and have the talent to start on my recent request i was given!

©⠀amberjazmyn's original work. do not translate or steal any of my fics. 2024

[yurigalactica]

would you mayhaps infodump about LC! lyrics? 👀👀 /nf

(I saw you on the anon game and am incredibly interested)

OOOOOOOOOH YESYESYESYES I WOULD LOVE TO INFODUMP ABOUT LOS CAMP LYRICS

okay okay so first of all. this band is so good. they have so many banger ass songs and that cannot be denied. HOWEVER in my heart To Tundra will always reign supreme. like holy shit. it's got lyrics like "meet me at st. nicholas among the oaks, behind the church that sway like pig-tailed girls as summer wind whistles around your bare-skin knees and the forsythia leaves" and "we take on the burden of all these sad-eyed children with lilies bunched in our hands" like. those lyrics are so visceral and potent they literally leave me with my mouth hanging wide open after i hear them. oh my GOD that song is magical

some of my other favorite songs lyrically is OBVIOUSLY tiptoe through the true bits. that's the song that whenever i hear it i have to stop literally everything i'm doing, turn up the volume as loud as it will go, close my eyes and just absorb the Vibes. it's so gorgeous AHHHHHH. the bit that makes my heart go !!!!!! is the part where it goes "the bed-spread decked in suns and moons and symbols of the star-signs, how you read how mine applied to how I would be sex-wise." like that paired with the little guitar picking up in the back and the drums kicking in are SO GOOD AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AND. IN MEDIA RES. that song changed my life genuinely. like WOW. the whole vibe of it, especially the end when the trumpets (i think they're trumpets at least) kick in and gareth goes "if you were given the option of dying painlessly in peace at 45 with a lover at your side, after a full and happy life, is this something that would interest you? would this interest you at all?" like WOW what an existential crisis moment while you feel like you're running through a rainy field. man that hits yknow

ALSO i am emotionally attached to Documented Minor Emotional Breakdown #4. i dont know why but the first time i ever heard it my brain latched its claws onto it and now it wont fucking let go. so whenever i hear the guitar at the beginning i am Legally Obligated to belt out at the top of my lungs "I RESTORED YOUR MOTHER'S FAITH IN MEN WHILST BORING YOU TO DEATH LEFT NOTHING MORE THAN A CIRCLE OF STUBBLE RASH AROUND YOUR CHEST--"

AND!!!!!!!!! for flotsam also has a very special place in my heart. i love the lyrics in that one, particularly "summer of odd-numbered year" like. MY GUYS YOU ARE SO CREATIVE???? all of your football metaphors to describe your boredom and emotions. like i don't watch football but you go guys i think its so kickass. i love you los campesinos. also the bit where they go "flotsam, jetsam, and spindrift, all the girls i have loved, dumped to earth by a spendthrift, gilt angels from above" with the "aaaahhh" in the back and the very faint piano in the background that i can only hear when i'm listening to it with my gaming headphones on bc my gaming headphones have really good mid range. just AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

AND WHAT DEATH LEAVES BEHIND TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 fun little fact this was the first song that i listened to when i first decided to listen to their discography all the way through. and let's just say that was a VERY good start because i was very impressed right off the bat. like "i was the first match struck at the first cremation, you are my shallow grave, I'll tend you as a sexton, if you're the casket door that's being slammed upon me, i'll be a plague cross painted on your naked body" LIKE HOLY SHIT. THATS SO EVOCATIVE. HOW DO YOU USE SO MANY METAPHORS AND BIG WORDS. THEYRE SO GOOD AT WORDS. i love listening to this one because it is so lyrically complex and yet it all goes together so well auuugghhhhhhhh

also since i started university recently, hung empty rings very near and dear to my heart. like the bit in the bridge that goes "my vision is fading, it's blurry, there are fingerprints all over the sun, we're glad to be loved but we're lonely and we feel like we're the only ones." like. that's the experience of moving out right there!!! i don't know where the fuck i am and i'm so lonely but it feels so bright and new and cinematic. this song Gets me on the most fundemental level it feels so very College-Esque

ALSOOOOOOO she crows!!!!!!!!!!!11 i LOVE she crows. someone inject this song into my veins Right This Fucking Instant. i need to live and breathe this song right now. just the instrumentals combined with the anthemic feel of the song really seals the feeling of looking back on your life and all of your mistakes and acknowledging that all of them brought you to where you are now. especially the end bit, i don't know why, but when it goes "big tip for the pretty girl waiting the IHOP, these blank napkins/unwritten suicide notes, it's dark inside these eyelids, blacker than the ink (squid)" it really feels like the end of the day. these are the lyrics that buzz like caffiene in your veins as you sit outside a dutchbros at eleven pm surrounded by the only people you feel like you can be yourself around. it's the feeling of cold biting at your skin while your heart feels warm and full. it feels like an open finale, the first time you smile in a long time, an acceptance of the complex beauty of life, that unforgettable moment when you realize that you wouldn't trade who you've become for the world

and CODA A BURN SCAR IN THE SHAPE OF THE SOONER STATE. I LOVE CODA SO MUCH AGH. PERFECT CRYING IN THE SHOWER SONG. like the lyric "an artist's impression of the manhattan skyline" will get me fucking SOBBING immediately. it feels like watching the world move on without you, the world a blur as you crumple inward under the weight of your emotions, a collapsing star in an endless void. and then obviously "i can't believe i chose the mountains every time you chose the sea" WOAH the SYMBOLISM i will just pass away right here in my dormitory with my headphones on. no sorry professor i can't write my essay i am unwell about the romance is boring album again. sorry yeah i'll be unavailable for 3-5 buisness weeks

but uh. yeah. los campesinos amirite???????????

[wtchgrrl]

alright so here’s the thing. im making a story abt two little freaks in love and i want to hear other opinions on it.

The following content contains discussions about murder/violence, cannibalism, sex, child abuse and forced surgery onto intersex people, specifically children/adolescents, also known as medical abuse. Please, proceed with caution.

so. the main characters in this lil thing im writing are Lily and Nick, short for Elizabeth and Nicholas. Lily was born with ovotesticular syndrome, while Nick was born with partial androgen insensitivity. they both meet in their senior year of high school, specifically in the nurse’s office. they bond a lot during their adolescence, specifically over the fact that they were both being abused by their fathers. Lily’s abuse was emotional and sometimes physical. Nick’s was verbal and spiritual. they both suffered medical abuse.

Nick was forced into a surgery because of his gynecomastia, which left him with permanent scars that he is very ashamed of. Lily was forced into a procedure that would remove her testicular tissue. her father decided to perform it himself, since he was a doctor. it did not go well, and not only did it leave very a bad scar, she was also left infertile afterward, due to her father messing it up somehow (haven’t decided on the specifics yet).

after all their pent up anger and hatred towards their fathers builds, they both decide to kill their own father(s). they meet in the woods, both dragging bloody bags the size of bodies behind them. not saying anything, they decide to run away together, surviving off the flesh of the people they hate the most.

what follows is them killing, and sometimes eating, the ones they feel deserve it (usually people in positions of power), moving across the country, hiding from the police, and eventually, developing romantic and sexual feelings towards each other. they feel like they are the only people who can truly love, understand and respect each other. their trust has been so broken by the world around them forcing them to endure such horrors, that they can only trust themselves. it’s the only way they know that they won’t be hurt. because they could never hurt each other. neither of them could live with hurting the other.

the whole story is supposed to be, essentially, a love letter from an autistic intersex horror author to the slasher community and over the top internet creepypastas. it’s about people being so scared of being hurt again, that they kill and maim anyone they suspect of being capable of hurting them. it’s about falling in love with the things you thought others saw as horrific and disgusting. it’s about finding love in the most decrepit, gory places. its about unlearning the idea that wanting to be romantic with someone and wanting to have sex with someone doesn’t make you filthy, it never has. it’s about cannibalism as a metaphor for romance.

im very passionate about these two little weirdos, in case you missed it, and am looking forward to writing about them and their relationship. im especially interested in the one sex scene i have planned for the two, as i feel like it’ll be a really good way to show how close they are/how much they trust each other, how much they love each other and their insecurities, and because you don’t really see intersex people having sex in media (unless said media is making a joke about their body, cause haha their body looks like this, and that makes them ugly!!!! haha aren’t ugly people so gross?? god, micropenises are sooo funny haha/sarcasm) im especially excited cause i plan on having them kiss and caress each other’s scars and then them loving the parts the other hates the most, and Lily ensuring Nick that it’s not filthy to want to be intimate with someone while having scars, and Nick telling Lily that she’s not broken and she’s always been lovable, and then they kiss and touch each other’s scarred bodies and they’re so in love and aaaaaaa

i just really love these two little freaks and wanna share my thoughts about them with people (even if a very small amount of people are gonna see it). i also wanted to know if anything about it could be seen as offensive. like, i don’t find any of it offensive, but im not the spokesperson for intersex people, we don’t have one. i just wanted to get some different perspectives, different opinions, see if anything came across as kinda wrong. (other than the murder and cannibalism, obviously).

i think im mostly just scared of people reading it and watering both of them down to “cis people with disorders”, even though their intersexuality is a key element to the story. maybe i just hear too much about discourse on tiktok and this won’t be an issue. idk.

why do i even bother with that little note at the end, no one’s gonna see this lmao

[sneaky-fox-boi]

Nosferatu came out in my country on the 1st and oh boy was I seated to watch it.

First off it was my first time watching anything gothic like I have never watched anything like it and I love it now holy cow.

Second everyone did fantastic in the film I'm biased towards Willem but even then Lily rose did a brilliant job.

Third thing, Nicholas Holt... omg man, I'm hoping I'm not insane for this but he was so hot when he looked scared out of his mind in the castle, like the pure fear in his face it awoke something in me.

Fourth thing my theater were actually so mature about the movie so the watching experience was amazing.

Fans of gothic stuff I did not know how cool the genre is I have to watch more so if you have recs send them my way please!