#ngl it’s still hard sometimes but I’m so fucking Determined

[rottenlittlefink]

It may hurt for a while, but journaling and shadow work is one of the most effective ways to detach from and stop fearing the old story and to stop seeing yourself as a victim of your own life

[connorandersons-blog]

Kinktober day 15: Strength, RK1700

Ok, ngl I’m running out of days. Like I’ve got tomorrow and thats it for pre-written days. Soooo, I’m kinda stressing, I know that like I don’t have to write all the days, but now that I’ve started I feel like I have to. I have written over 90k words for kinktober in all, which is a huge accomplishment for me. Anyway, so this is just a small warning that the days may be late or won’t be written at all, sorry.

Hope you enjoy this day, though!

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It had started as a semi-innocent bet. Connor had tried to avoid Nines, scared the man would be everything Cyberlife claimed he was. Nines even stayed partners with Gavin Reed and managed to get the man to calm somewhat. 

So, ok, Connor was a bit jealous of Nines. He was tall, strong, intimidating, handsome, really strong, fast, smarter, ugh! It was infuriating. Not to mention how stoic and quiet he often was. And when he stared at Connor it was like he could see into his soul. 

But even with Connor's avoidance, Nines still stayed close to Connor when he could. He would do things that Connor was going to do and it drove him crazy. He didn't need someone else doing his job just because they thought they were better than everyone. 

Yet everyone seemed to adore Nines, even Hank quickly warmed up to him. It made no sense! Nines were made for the military, not talking to people, so how was he so good at making friends? 

Of course, Reed was the one that had started the bet. It wasn't even too bad of an idea, just who could last longer in a fight. Not brute strength, everyone knew Nines would win that even with how strong Connor was. 

They wouldn't be allowed to actually damage each other, but soon the whole office was placing bets. Hank had thankfully bet on Connor but it didn't make him feel too good. One of the good things was that Nines didn't seem too comfortable with it either. 

Connor was currently standing in the gym in the basement, facing a punching bag. He spun and kicked it, sending it flying before he reached out and caught it, putting it back in place. He sighed and rested his head against it. He'd been going at this since work ended three hours ago. Hank had long since gone home along with almost everyone except for the night shift. The night shift never used the gym so Connor didn't have to worry about anyone else in the room. 

He huffed before moving back and into his stance, staring down the bag. He started with quick jabs, not putting too much force behind them, but staying quick on his feet. If he had an advantage it was his smaller size. Nines would have fewer areas to hit and he'd have to be more careful where each blow landed. 

He sped up, now using his right hand for more powerful hits, dancing around the bag, ducking on occasion. 

God everyone was going to be bidding on Nines. His replacement if Cyberlife had had its way. The man whose eyes were a beautiful blue, with those lips that sometimes quirked up into a smirk. The way he didn't seem to give a shit when Gavin decided to be a dick. The glances he sent Connor when that happened, playfully rolling his eyes. 

The way Connor tried to not meet those eyes. The way his stomach flipped the first time he had heard Nines actually laugh. It had been so short but Connor had unconsciously saved the audio file. The way Connor wanted to know if he really did as good of hugs as he looked. 

God, Connor hated his perfect hair. He hated how Nines seemed to be able to stand completely still for hours when Connor could barely sit still for ten minutes without needing to fidget with someone. 

The next blows landed harder and he stopped ducking, breath coming out quickly. 

Who did Nines think he was? Being too damn perfect. Why did if always have to butt in on Connor's things. He didn't need Nines being all high and mighty, solving Connor's cases when he had his own. 

"Fuck!" Connor cursed, punching so hard his fist went through the bag. He stumbled and his eyes went wide. He always made sure to keep his strength in check, yet his emotions got the best of him. Nines probably never had that problem. 

"I do hope you aren't planning to do that to me on our little contest." Nines' voice rang out across the gym and Connor yelped, pulling his hand out. It was covered by a thin layer of his own blue blood. He shook it out with a hiss before trying to hide it behind his back from Nines. He didn't need him to see how weak he was. 

"Don't worry, I won't." He grumbled, using his ok hand to push the hair back out of his face. 

Nines gave a low hum and walked over, looking at the now useless bag. "I wish we could call this nonsense off."  

"What, think you're too good to fight me?" Connor snapped, crossing his arms with a slight grimace from the pain. He'd need to grab a bottle of thirium so his self-repair would kick in again. He hadn't even meant to turn that off. 

"No, I'd simply prefer to not hurt you." Nine's words had him scoffing and shaking his head. 

"Oh, that's rich." 

"Rich?"

"Ugh, nothing." He waved him off and reached up to unhook the bag but was just a tad too short. He squinted up at it before looking around for something small to step up one. 

"Here, allow me." Nines said and easily reached the distance, getting it down onto the ground and against the wall to take out later. "Would you like me to get you another one? Perhaps one that's heavier if you plan on using extra strength." 

Connor pulled at his hair, glaring at Nines. "I don't need your help! You know, you're not so perfect." Connor pointed at Nines. "I was here first, you can't just fucking replace me!" God, he hated how similar he sounded to Gavin. But it did open his eyes to what Gavin had gone through, how frustrating and scary it could hem 

"I do not plan on replacing you, and I know I'm far from perfect. That is why I've been trying to learn from you." It almost sounded like a question and Connor thought he saw the embarrassment and even insecurity. 

"Learning from me?! All you've done is try to butt in and solve cases, picking up things I've doubted or just doing fucking everything! I don't need help, Nines." It felt so good to finally say it, better than punching the bag had been. 

Nines took a step back, hurt flashing across his face before it became neutral again. "I apologize for what I had come across as. I simply… I wanted to learn from you and even impress you." The last part was mumbled and Nines couldn't meet his eyes. 

Connor couldn't even process what he had said for a few seconds. Why would Nines want to impress him? Connor wasn't anything special, especially not in comparison to Nines. The only one who truly tried to impress him was Sumo and on incredibly rare occasions, Hank. "Wait, why?" 

Nines seemed to stall for a second before reaching out and pulling Connor's wrist from behind his back. Connor winced at the sight more than the pain as Nines looked his hand over. The skin on his knuckles had receded and small little cuts drew the blood out of him. 

Nines gently brushed his thumb over Connor's knuckles, holding his hand so gently. It sent a shiver up his spine as he stared at his hand. Why was Nines doing this? Why was he being so gentle and careful? Why was he even holding Connor's hand in the first place?! 

"Nines?" Connor whispered, looking up at him. He worried that if he talked too loud whatever this was would stop. And for some reason, Connor didn't want Nines to stop holding his hand. 

"You need thirium." Nines mumbled, still focused on Connor's knuckles. His hands were bigger than Connor's and easily held his like they were meant to hold him. 

"I know." He wiggled his fingers just slightly and Nines ran his own fingers over Connor's. He was so tender with him like he would break if he put too much pressure. "Nines, why do you want to impress me?" 

Nines finally looked up from their hands to meet Connor's eyes. Connor noticed a very slight blue tint to his face and he wanted to reach up and touch, see how warm his skin would be.

Nines used one of his hands to reach up and carefully brush a hair back away from Connor's face. "Because you're you. I wanted your attention but you seemed to hate me, so I thought I could help. I wanted you to talk to me." 

Connor's breath caught, eyes wide. Nines had wanted Connor's attention? But why? That still didn't make sense. Why would Nines even want to be near him, let alone talk to him?  

"Spar with me." He blurted out before cringing at himself. "If you want. I'm just, I'm not always good with words." Plus he had far too much energy and needed to get it out before he could properly think with Nines so close.

Nines nodded before frowning. "I'll have to wrap your hand first, wait right here." 

Nines moved confidently across the room to the first aid kits. Connor stood there shocked, his hands shaking gently. This was happening? Nines cared about him. He hadn't meant to be a dick. 

He jolted when he felt Nines take his hand again, spraying a cleaner onto his knuckles and carefully rubbed his knuckles before starting to wrap his hand. 

He did it quickly and efficiently before stepping back and letting the hand go. "How does that feel?" Nines asked. 

Connor flexed his hand before nodding. "It feels good, thank you Nines." 

Nines nodded and led them over to the extra padded area where anyone could spar. Nines hadn't taken off his jacket or shoes, so Connor kept his own on as he stepped up. 

They watched each other before Nines came at Connor. He quickly moved out of the way, trying to grab at Nines's outstretched arm to no avail. 

Suddenly his fist was slamming into Nines's face while he one sunk into Connor's stomach. They stumbled apart for a brief second to catch their breaths before diving back at each other, eyes narrowed in determination.

Connor dodged his fist and came up with his own; for a brief instant, Nines's blue eyes widened before he managed to tilt his head back and slam it into mine. Stars burst into Connor's vision but he shook it off, blinding throwing a kick.

Nines stepped back, easily evading the kick. "Is that all you got?" Nines taunted, smirking. Connor growled and threw himself at Nines, changing direction at the last minute. He dropped and swept his leg, huffing when Nines jumped over. 

He expected it, anticipated it, and in the moments after landing, he let his body relax but let out an oof as Nines managed to cause Connor to fall. 

Nines went to grab Connor's legs but he twisted in the hold and kneed him in the stomach. The large android fell forward onto Connor but caught himself before he could squish him. 

Connor squinted up at him, moving them to try and throw Nines off but with little success. The mats edges dug into him and he gave a devilish smile. He found the edge and pushed hard enough to get the mat to slide. It was enough of a distraction to allow him to flip them and straddle Nines. 

"Hah!" Connor grinned, grabbing Nines's wrist and pinning his hands above his head. Nines squinted at him and shifted just enough to get the right angle and rolled them. 

Connor's breath left him again as Nines pushed him down onto the mat, using his extra body weight to keep him down. Connor tried to wiggle out of the hold, but it only caused him to whine sharply. 

His eyes widened at his own reaction, but Nines kept him pinned. "Do you yield?" He asked, staring him down. Connor wrapped his legs around Nines in a last attempt to push him forward to make him lose balance but it didn't work. Instead, it only caused their bodies to slide against each other. 

They both froze at that but neither said anything, just staring at each other. Connor was sure his entire face was flushed blue. 

"Do you yield?" Nines asked again, their faces only an inch apart. Connor watched as Nines's eyes flicked down to his lips then back up to his eyes. Connor licked his lips and his back arched just slightly, trying to get closer. 

"Make me." He whispered. Nines growled and leaned forward, crushing their lips together. Connor moaned and pushed up against Nines, trying to pull him down with his legs still wrapped around him. 

God his lips really were perfect and felt so good against his own. Nines's lips were hot against Connor's, his tongue burning a warm, wet path into his mouth. Eager hands fumbled at Nines's clothing, undoing his fly, waiting for the ok. He gets it by a low groan and Connor slips his hand in. 

He runs his hands up and down, teasing Nines through his underwear, probably the same Cyberlife issued boxers. Nines groans and rolls his hips down. 

His hands travel down Connor's body before pushing his shirt up and sliding his hands under, finding every sensitive spot. 

"Ah, Nines!" Connor gasped, back arching off the mat. Nines hums and trails hot kisses down Connor's throat, hands moving away to drag the jacket off Connor then quickly unbutton Connor's shirt. 

Shit, why hadn't they done this before? Nines and Connor slid perfectly together, and Connor would barely stand it. "More. Nines, fuck, more." 

Connor yelped when Nines stood up, easily picking him up before pushing him against the wall. He used only one arm to keep him up while the other unzipped Connor.

Connor wiggled and let his pants fall to the floor before wrapping his legs around Nines again. It was completely unfair how easily Nines held him up like he weighed nothing. Yet it was one of the hottest things he'd seen. 

Nines went back to attack Connor's neck, grinding against him. Connor could feel the cold press of the zipper but he focused on the large cock underneath it. God damn, even his dick was bigger than Connor's. 

"Ah! Yes!" Connor's eyes squeezed shut, his hips rolling in time, trying to get as much friction as possible. "Yes!" 

"Connor, what do you want? How far do you want this to go?" Nines asked, pulling back so they could look at each other. 

"I want you to fuck me. Don't even dare think about holding back, I can take it all." He could and gladly would. 

Nines nodded and all but tossed Connor back onto the mat, pulling his clothes off and folding them. Connor groaned at the wait but it was oddly adorable and charming. Not to mention how turned on he was at the roughness. 

He reached down and pulled himself out of his boxers, slowly pumping his hand. "Mmh! Fuck!" He moaned, not having done anything like this in a while. He'd been too focused on Nines and the stupid fucking bet.

He squeezed his eyes closed, knees bent and his toes digging into the mat. Then he felt a strong warm hand wrap around the base and squeeze just enough to leave him gasping from a mixture of pain and pleasure. 

His eyes snapped open and saw Nines glowering down at him. He was just so big and Connor could see his muscles rippling as he positioned himself over Connor. "Did I tell you you could touch yourself?" 

"You were taking too damn long!" Connor pouted, trying to buck into the hands. Nines squeezed slightly tighter and Connor yelped. 

"The answer to the question was no, no I did not. If you want me to fuck your tight little ass then you'll follow my directions or get punished. Do you understand?" Nines reached up and grabbed a fistful of hair, tugging sharply. 

Connor whimpered and nodded. "Yes! Yes, please, I understand. I'll be good." He'd be so good for him. 

Nines roughly let go of Connor's hair, letting his head fall back into the mat before loosening the pressure and slowly dragging his hand up. "There's a good boy." Connor squeezed his eyes closed and tried to keep still, but it was so much. "Oh, you like that? I thought you would."

Connor nodded his head again and let out a surprised squeak when two fingers were roughly pushed into him. Even now he could feel Nines holding back, not using his full strength. 

"I've thought about how I'd fuck you. I was worried I'd be too rough, too strong, but you like it. You want to be thrown around and shown your place, hmm? Fuck you so hard you can't stand. No one else can do that, only me." It was so true, he knew that Nines could fuck him harder and faster than anyone else. He'd be able to feel this for weeks. 

"Only you. Please Nines, please." He begged and would get on his knee to beg too if he had to. He practically drilled when Nines freed himself from his boxers, adding in another finger. 

Connor had a flash of panic, not sure he could even take that much, but he sure as hell would try. Later he could also try sucking on him, letting Nines fuck his throat too. "Oh shit." 

Nines smirked and without warning added a fourth finger, stretching quickly before pulling all his fingers out. "You still want this?" 

Connor nodded and thankfully held back the yelp when Nines flipped him over and slid himself all the way in with one fluid movement. Connor silently screamed before his head dropped to his chest. 

Nines held him by the hips, fingers digging in enough that the skin had to pull away there to reveal his chassis. Connor could barely even think so he was immensely glad when Nines did all the work. Pulling out before snapping his hips forward and using his hold in Connor's hips to drag him back. 

Each thrust had Connor gasping and his hands and legs trembling. He rambled words he didn't even understand but Nines just kept going, fucking him deeper and harder just like he promised. 

"I'm gonna fuck you like this until you come, then I'm going to keep fucking you again and again. You'll never be able to imagine anyone but me in you." Nines snapped his hips forward and Connor moaned, his toes curling. 

Nines reached down and took Connor in hand, pumping in time with his quick harsh thrusts. "Just like that, baby. Feel so damn good." 

Connor bit his lip, hands trying to find something to grab onto. But his head was yanked back as Nines held his hair, and Connor couldn't hold back anymore. 

He tried to warn Nines but he was already spilling over the mat with a silent scream. The gym may be in the basement but it wasn't completely soundproof, and Connor was not going to be caught.  

Nines pulled him up and spun him around before pulling Connor back down, only now he was sitting in his lap facing Nines. 

"Damn, maybe I can win at the fight if you come this fast." Nines captured Connor's lips in his before Connor could make a snarky comeback. 

He felt tears start streaming down his face at the overstimulation, but Nines didn't stop until he'd come two more times, and only then did Nines let himself come, holding Connor by his hips. 

Connor knew he'd be sore not just from the sex but also all the times Nines had thrown him around into a new position. Nines had to carry him to a seat and then handed him a bottle of thirium as he looked him over. 

"You ok, Connor? Was I too rough?" He asked, making sure he drank the whole bottle first, hands massaging his thighs. 

Connor nodded and leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. He felt so content and exhausted in the best way. "You were amazing, but do you know what this means?" 

Nines tilted his head then softly shook it, reaching up to gently soothe his hair. "No?" 

"I know how to beat you in our fight." Connor grinned so widely and broke out into giggles as Nines all but pounced on him, tickling his sides. 

Neither left the gym until the very early morning but they held hands and Connor promised to see him soon with a kiss.

[hiuythn]

do u have any krbk fics that u can rec? any favorites of urs! ☺️

you’re in luck bc i just made a rec list for a friend so i have this ready for you

also i’ve got over 200 krbk bookmarks on ao3 so feel free to check that out if you finish this rec list.

all (except one) of these are completed. they're in no particular order. i tried to find ones that are less known, bc idk how much you've read but i'm assuming all the popular ones are familiar to you. happy reading! 💖💖💖

Inevitable - Legendaerie - 8k - mature CLASSIC 'bkg thinks they've been together and kiri thinks he's still pining' TROPE. it's INCOMPREHENSIBLE to me why this doesn't have more fucking kudos!!! why!!!

Tiny Truths - Quirk Archivist (OneHitWondersAnonymous) - 4k - teen bkg gets de-aged. kid him reveals sth to class 1a, more imptly, to KIRI, abt some ideas about what it means to open a hero agency together. it's super adorable!!

Punch My Mouth with Your Mouth - QuestCat44 - 4k - teen bkg spars with deku more bc OfA is acting up and he's the only one in the know. kiri gets jealous but he's so good-natured that his jealousy is only bc he misses sparring/spending time with bkg. BKG, on the other hand, is worried kiri is mad for different reasons asdkjfhasdhfa

all according to keikaku........... - carolinaa - 8k - teen the title should already tell you how good this is. I LOVE JEALOUSY FICS WHEN THEY'RE MORE FUNNY THAN ANGSTY AND THIS IS SO FUNNY. kiri gets tired of deku being a pussy around todo and decides to flirt with todo to get deku jealous enough to do sth about it. bkg and todo are both horrified for VERY different reasons DHADSKDFHJS

doll me up - shizuumi151 - 6k - gen kiri gets turned into a doll by a kid's quirk and no one knows. bkg still ends up caring for him :’)

These Words Are Ours - deviance - 2k - teen soulmate au but bkg figures who's going to say his words before it happens, and honestly that's kind of the point. he's not the type to fall in love at first sight. he MAKES the choice to love kiri and that, my friends, is my kind of soulmate au.

all good things need sunshine - shizuumi151 - 3k - teen FLORIST KIRI. BKG WANTS A BOUQUET THAT SAYS  'FUCK YOU'

Flour Power - WingSongHalo - 26k - teen KRBK HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF A BAG OF FLOUR AND PRETEND IT'S THEIR BABY

feedback loop - bigstupidjellyfish - 1k - teen PRO HERO BKG GETS THROWN BACK IN TIME FOR A BIT AND MEETS MIDDLE SCHOOL KIRI AND HE'S SO SOFT TO HIM ASDFHKASDFJ. i am a big fan of bkg being a fan of kiri. i can't get ENOUGH OF IT. can someone give me more fics like this

mixed signals - bigstupidjellyfish - 2k -teen a short 'what if' fic where kiri and bkg went to the same middle school. bkg's still an ass but kiri's still his equal it seems, and is just as good as handling him as ever

Trash Goblin Finds Love - wrunic - 4k - teen COFFEE SHOP AU. BARISTA   KIRI GETS SICK ONE TIME AND BKG MAKES HIM SOUP AND FORCES KIRI'S COWORKER TO DELIVER IT ASDJHFS

Dreaming of a White Mocha Christmas - let_me_wander - 8k - teen ANOTHER COFFEE SHOP AU.  BARISTA KIRI AND HIS FAV CUSTOMER ;) GET SNOWED IN  

Something Warm - let_me_wander - 15k - teen YES FOLKS IT'S A A A ANOTHER COFFEE SHOP FIC, THAT'S RIGHT!! BARISTA BKG THIS TIME. also kr is in a band and writes a song for bkg asdfhksjd

Kneel - deviance - 7k - explicit idk if you wanted explicit stuff but this is pretty light sub stuff, they're not even properly together at the beginning, and there isn’t sex til the end. i just liked how kiri is the only one bkg would rely on for sth this private, and it's more emotional than it is sexual?

Everyone Knows That Cats Are Independent - PurplePersnickety - 39k - teen YET. ANOTHER. COFFEE SHOP AU. but also?? daemons?? katsuki's got a lionness, and kiri has a...i'll let you find out. anyway they become closer and closer and closer and the flirting is so fucking excruciatingly obvious but cute and sdkjfhasdjs it's such a queer experience like 'is he...no he cant be...but what if he did like me - no that's not possible. but what if?' and they get so domestic sometimes i swear i'm about to puke from how cute it is. this is my fav coffee shop au ngl

Broken Bridges - DeathBelle - 68k - explicit plot fic!! krbk loses touch after gradutation. kiri comes back from korea and starts to work together with bkg, dealing with a series of murders and MAN the action is 👌 easy to follow but it hits all the beats, has that Flow. krbk being a power couple will never get old!!

Of Ghosts and other Inaccurate Things - chezka - 56k - gen pretty sure you've seen this one around but STILL. BKG FALLING FOR 'GHOST' KIRI IS BEST. this au really takes FULL COMPLETE advantage of the fact that krbk CANNOT TOUCH and the yearning practically astral-projected me back into the my past life when i was a dung beetle that got crushed under the foot of an elephant. it hurt, basically. but it hurt so good. JUST LET BKG HUG KIRI!!! happy ending ofc.

Catching Bees - MonocerosRex - 2k - teen bkg has to pay his classmates compliments. class 1a hijinks. the krbk in this is short but it made me squeal sdhfkakjl

i'm going to the forest to kick my own ass - WannabeMarySue - 5k - teen TODO PRANKS BKG BUT UNLUCKY FOR HIM BKG IS COMPETITIVE AND ACTUALLY LEARNS SOMETHING

Hair Care 101 - overlymetaromantic - 7k - gen ASDHFASDFHAJKS KIRI MEETS BKG'S MOM BY ACCIDENT AND GETS HAIR HELP AND THEY TALK ABOUT BKG AND IT'S SO. CUTE. AND THEN BKG DYES KR'S HAIR IN THE SECOND CHAPTER AND THEY'RE SO BLUSHY AND SWEET I CAN'T!!

Sometimes We Fall in the Dark - timetoboldlygo - 16k - teen BKG TAKING PHOTOS OF THINGS FOR THERAPY. YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT HOW YOU PHOTOGRAPH THINGS YOU TREASURE 👀👀👀

Corn Chip - smol_bird - 23k - teen I DONT FUCKIGN KNOW WHY THIS DOESN'T HAVE MORE KUDOS. IT'S LITERALLY SO GOOD. DEMON KIRI IS JOKINGLY SUMMONED BY BKG AND FRIENDS. THEY FALL IN LOVE. KIRI HAS TO LEAVE. BKG IS DETERMINED NOT TO LET THAT HAPPEN. HAPPY ENDING. WHAT ELSE COULD YOU ASK FOR

'cause i love you for infinity - multiclassmaps - 23k - teen SDHFADSJFASD DEMON AU AGAIN. THIS TIME IT'S KIRI THAT DOES THE SUMMONING. BUT WHY DOES BKG SEEM SO FAMILIAR??? WHAT CAN KIRI DO TO MAKE HIM STAY??

to the beat of your heart - drifting_i - 8k - gen BAND AU. KIRI WORKS AT A RESTAURANT AND SOMEHOW BEFRIENDS DRUMMER BKG AND BKG'S BAND CAN'T BELIEVE THAT KIRI GETS AWAY WITH HALF THE SHIT BKG ALLOWS HIM TO

Playing Favorites - vaporeon_ninja - 2k - gen AKSDJFHJADHFKA BKG GETS CALLED OUT ON HIS KIRI FAVOURITISM

(Not Quite) Proposal - imatrisarahtops - 783 - teen DRUNK BKG IS SAPPY WITH HIS BOYF

something worth remembering - bbuggs - 1k - teen DRUNK BKG AGAIN!!! THIS TIME HE DOESN'T REMEMBER KIRI IS HIS HUSBAND AND HE'S SO DISTRAUGHT ABOUT KIRI BEING TAKEN SDFJHSK

A Dragon's Hoard - chezka - 10k - teen kiri gets turned into a dragon bc of a quirk. LOVE HOW DRAGON KIRI STILL LIKES BKG BEST

Love Notes - PurplePersnickety - 5k - teen LOVE NOTES BKG LEAVES LOVE NOTES FOR KIRI IT'S SO SWEET

Define: Oblivious - PurplePersnickety - 45k - teen this is the second part to Love Notes, it's still updating BUT PLEASE CHECK IT OUT TOO BC KIRI DOES STH SO BADASS DURING PRACTICAL TRAINING I LOVE HIM I REREAD THIS NOW AND THEN JUST FOR HOW COOL HE IS IN THAT ONE CHAPTER. also the steady, careful way krbk define their relationship and bkg's demisexuality is so sweet, so good.

The Hard Easy - dirtbag - 4k - teen this one is pretty popular but i still gotta mention it bc. kissing lessons. KISSING LESSONS!!! i love how eagar bkg is askdfhks

Kitsune's Pride - kytrin, Mslead - 147k - explicit okay this was A DOOZY like i???? the plot???? the time travel and the oni and kitsune stuff???? bkg and kiri being badasses??? bkg wanting the best for kiri and angrily supporting him??? this was the first time i kept up to date with a fic when it was still updating and commenting every chapte,r i was so hooked. and ALSO like the authors have written SO MUCH more longfics like this like they have NOVELS and i REALLY rec you check them out like....bro idk how they do they have so much out already and i think and they're updating two more rn and i'm. their bitch tbh

Burden of Proof - kytrin, Mslead - 153k - explicit OK ONE MORE REC FOR THESE AUTHORS. burden of proof is so. so fcukign good. i have adhd and these guys have never one lost me even tho their fics are upwards of 60k. this fic has dragons, it has plot, it has growth and healing and found families and i WISH i could write sth this intricate.

Burger Kings - plantegg - 5k - teen stupid teenage boys being stupid. kiri blackmails bkg into going on a date asjdfhkdsjfakd

Worth a Thousand Words - awareoftheconcept - 43k - teen SDKJFHASKH THIS IS A GUILTY PLEASURE OF MINE I KNOW THE LACK OF COMMUNICATION TROPE IS OVERUSED BUT I CAN'T HELP FALL FOR ANGSTY KIRI AND OMG THE CONFRONTATION SCENE AT THE END IS SO. SO. SO MOVIE-ESQUE I HATE HOW LAME I AM. basically everyone thinks bkg is dating camie asdkjfhskd

Day 6: Fandom - PullingAllMighters, SweetBrew - 9k - mature bkg and kiri don't know each other until they're pro heros and only bc they start a competition to see who's better and they go to each other's signings undercover and develop crushes on each other and deku is an enABLER ASHAHAJFS

Scales Ain't The Same As Feathers - Julietwasanidiot - 2k - gen GOD THIS IS SO CUTE BABY BKG "FINDERS KEEPERS" A BABY DRAGON KIRI SKDHFHD but he thinks kiri is a chicken

Charades - orphan_account - 4k - teen this is just soft....game night....at one point bkg acts out a really romantic word for charades and he's EMBARRASSED SDJFHA. also kiri falls asleep on him and there's some hair stroking....soft...

Cranky-rishima - PurplePersnickety - 29k - teen kirishima is the one with nightmares in this one and he gets CRANKY and BKG has to be the one to reach out and i thought that was such a fresh reversal loved it

No Secrets to Success - kingdoms - 7k - teen THIS IS MY FAV!! MY ABSOLUTE FAV JUST BC I LOVE IT WHEN FICS MAKE PEOPLE GAPE IN AWE FROM HOW SOFT BKG IS WITH KIRI. also krbk forming their relationship outside of school in this au was so??? sweet??? it's just them hanging out together. ALSO KIRI IS SO GOOD AT POKING BKG'S BUTTONS ASJDFHASK

Built to Fall - bigstupidjellyfish - 68k - explicit pro heros fic. they had a bad breakup in third year and oh god the angst is QUALITY. DW THEY TOTALLY MAKE UP AND IT'S SO FCKN WORTH IT. bkg also got therapy so he’s a little more stable as an adult lol

A Name That You'll Remember - heronfem - 33k - mature bkg is a fail!villain. he fell in with the wrong crowd when he was younger. he doesn't actually do anything wrong. in fact, all of his 'crimes' are generally stopped by kiri and somehow all end up exposing corruption anyway, so he's actually helping. kids love bkg. he always makes sure they're safe before he robs a jewelry store or sth. somehow kiri ends up flirting with him in all their fights and bkg has no idea what to make of him. the public can't get enough of them

strawberry mango sweet - redriotinggg - 9k - teen it's just a really sweet smoothie shop au!!! it's good reliable fluff!! what else can you ask for!!

cultivating something so divine - redriotinggg - 10k - teen redriotinggg yet again, i love this au, it's vet!au and kiri is so good at loving animals that bkg hires him and they fall in love and it's also got some competency porn, as in krbk are hella good at their job like power couple ayy

Tension Reduction - acernor - 10k - explicit Kirishima is a massage therapist and Bakugo needs help relaxing.

Mistletoe? Mistletoe. - Tearsaresalty - 2k - teen class 1a keeps making bkg kiss kiri and neither of them really mind wow i wonder why 🙄

[maariarogers]

behind the scene

Summary: Selena confronts Suho about a few things. Feelings are considered, circumstances are reflected. Characters: Lee Suho and Lee Selena Mentions: Suho x Jugyeong Author’s Note: Follow K-Drama episode 15-ish? In an effort to fix this one particular detail akdhskdfh yes I’m not over the fact they didn’t include this in. What about it? 😤😤😤

PS: Also, in this smol au - Suho did accepted get into MIT because Selena forced him to finish his studies.

READ THIS ON AO3

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“So, you’re dating my intern.”

“Noona,” Suho acknowledges. Lee Selena drops her wallet on the table, sits, and starts to take her earrings off. It’s a little - irritating, but fitting somehow, how she looks like she’s home, even though Suho knows she doesn’t have high opinion on the studio apartment. “No hello?”

“Hello,” Selena parrots. “You’re dating my intern.”

Suho doesn’t answer her.

Selena rolls her eyes, “That, or you’re stalking her.”

“It’s a long story,” Suho doesn’t want to talk about this. There’s just - something about looking at Selena that reminds him of the hollowness he’s been trying to keep at bay. All those time staring solemnly from Father’s hospital room out to the window, missing Jugyeong. Missing Seojun.

And how Selena would come by sometimes. How she never quite judged him, but it’s - similar. Her staring is just as heavy still.

“She was the girl you kept staring at in your phone,” Selena quips. She’s smart. She’s always been smart. Smarter than Suho, even.

Maybe she’s the one who should’ve gotten into MIT, Suho thinks quite depressingly, not really knowing where’d he put the acceptance letter. In a drawer somewhere. Blue file, right? Or was it green?

“Was she the one you left behind?”

“Was that the reason you decided to hire her as an intern?” Suho shoots back, now sitting across from her. He’s serious. And he knows she knows that he’s serious. Suho suddenly feels a wave of guilt coming back like waves to the shore - was his family’s influence directing Jugyeong’s life? Would this be called manipulation? Would this mean he has the upper-hand, again living only in the shadows of his family while they place him in their lives however they see fit?

Because he doesn’t want that. Not with Jugyeong. Never with Jugyeong.

“I thought she looked familiar,” comes the ugly confession from Selena. Fuck, Suho thinks, already feels like he could cry. He wants to chase her out, wants to have this upcoming panic attack in his own company, but Selena leans back against the chair. Her hair flops with her movement. “But no - she applied like most interns did. And I see a potential in her.”

Suho’s eyes glance up.

So, you see it, apart of him bites in relief.

“Plus, she’s a fan. She said it several times, in fact.” He knows. After all, wasn’t he the one bugging Selena for her touring schedule a few years ago just so he could prepare the surprise for Jugyeong? “She’s been disappointing me lately, though.”

“She has?” Was it because of him? He’d come back uninvited, he’d return like he never left. Right. Stupid. Why had he thought that was ever okay? Shit, what if Selena fires her? Would it be because of him? Suho’s stomach drops. “She’s - she’s been having a hard time—”

“Why are you making excuses for her, baby brother?”

Selena’s voice comes out in steel. Suho thinks he recognises it; sometimes he mimics it. Where had they gotten it from, he wonders? By themselves? Because Father was always charming, and their mother .... she was always so gentle-hearted. But not Lee Selena and Lee Suho. They’re made differently; they came out jagged and sharp.

“I’m not,” Suho argues, but that’s a lie, he knows.

Selena doesn’t buy it.

“You’re lucky we’re related and you don’t work for me,” She stands up then, caresses his face. Just like she would do back then, whenever she finds him hiding in the crooks and quiet places of their family villa, trying to hide from the world. She grasps at him like she wants so desperately to save him, save her little brother, but they’re both so helpless, hands tied behind their backs. What could she have done about a father who wasn’t there? How could she have played the role of a mother when that wasn’t hers?

And then Selena left to study. Suho was on his own again.

“I won’t give her special treatments if that’s what you’re worrying about.” Selena says a moment later, passing him to enter the kitchen. Suho could see now that there are boxes that she’s brought splayed on the table. Cookware, utensils, plates and cups: all in new white boxes wrapped in plastic.

He touches it.

Suho feels bad, for a second, that he found her irritating at all.

“Whether she dates you or don’t, it won’t affect how I oversee the people who works under me.”

Suho feels the tightness in his chest breaks apart. Good, he thinks. That was the one thing he knew he could’ve counted on his sister, that she rarely plays around when it comes to the reputation she built, the career she had, but - it still unnerves him. Is this really a good thing? Shouldn’t Jugyeong has some benefits, after all?

“You should tell her,” Selena’s voice grows softer. Suho looks to her sister: his fierce, determined older sister. Even in the face of gentleness, she has the foundation of a solid concrete and metal. Storms couldn’t have tumbled her down. Suho wishes, a little desperately, that he could have only a minuscule of that strength for himself. “That we’re related. Or you’ll drive yourself mad with thinking you deceived her.”

Suho doesn’t say anything.

“Have you taken your medication?”

“I was going to have dinner first,” He tells her, taking hold of the boxes in plastic and carrying it over to the kitchen counter. Selena’s effort is seamless; she receives what he puts down, and begins to unpack. Suho could only follow.

“Good. I’ll have dinner with you.”

Suho looks down, slows his own movement.

“Noona,” he calls, suddenly feels as if he has a fist right in his throat, and he’s working his voice around it. Suho feels like he’s back to being ten years old, scared, and not being sure who to hold. Their grandmother, Selena herself, or the ghost of their parents. “Thank you.”

“Do you love her?” She asks instead, without even looking up. “The intern.”

He doesn’t hesitate. “So much.”

“Then be careful, baby brother.” She’s strict. Never one for sentimentality. Almost like Jugyeong’s own sister, Heegyeong, except there’s always warmth in the Lim family, in how they move and talk and communicate. The Lees, not so much. “Don’t overdo it. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“Jugyeong doesn’t hurt me,” not like he has. The pain inside his chest blooms.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t hurt yourself.” Again, the sharpness in the way she replies. Selena means business. Suho probably should gets used to this - but he just isn’t.

“Thank you,” Suho whispers, but he feels inadequate. Like it isn’t enough. He’s right - he can’t look at Selena for too long. All those time in the hospital, all those moment he almost called. She knows too much about him, his sister, and Suho’s not used to it.

(But maybe it is a good thing. Maybe it’s - nice, even, to know he’s seen by his family. That Selena always comes back, no matter the time and place. The sister who did save him: finding him this place after he didn't want to be with Grandmother anymore, setting up his therapy sessions, forcing him to finish his studies.)

“Thank you, Noona.”

“Silly boy. Stop crying. Here—” Selena hands an open set of spoons and forks. “Put this away.”

Suho does.

Author’s Note: ngl I might make this a series lol

[laufire]

Supernatural s2

I’m halfway through s3 already (technically a rewatch, but there were episodes I didn’t watch the first time around), so this post is a little overdue lol. At this rhythim the posts will overlap. Plus I’m hoping I can finish s4-5 during the holidays to see the ~intended ending~ before I have to slow down on the binge-watch. After that, a season a month sounds achievable AND won’t take longer than 2021 xD

ANYWAY.

-Overall, I’ve enjoyed it more than the first one, but at the same time I’ve found myself missing how... claustrophobic? Insular? Compact? That one was. s2 was about the world opening up just a little bit more, introducing new characters to the brothers’ life, etc. I do love the detail that this is something that can only have, narratively speaking, once John is dead. Again: this show gets abusive families, consciously or not.

-The foreshadowing is beautifully done. 15 seasons make for a lot of unintentional and ironic foreshadowing later on, I’m sure, but the purposeful foreshadowing is superb this season. About the crossroads deals, of course, but especially about John’s last words. I already knew he’d told Dean he might have to kill Sam (father of the year, seriously. Though I side-eye the fandom even more for always having acted as if this is only awful for Dean lol), so I was hyperaware of every single detail. My favourite moment was the absolute horror of hearing Gordon proudly, cheerfully relate how he murdered his sister when she became a vampire (which, btw, as someone that’s still bitter about what went down with the Gunn siblings on Angel, I found it healing to see something like that treated as a horror story).

-Speaking of Gordon: I unashamedly love his character lmfao. Sterling K. Brown is mesmerizing, always. At the same time, I have serious mixed feelings (especially after seeing his arc in full in s3) because man, if it isn’t a racist mess. I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s not exactly revolutionary that the first time we see the story from the monster’s POV (something I want the show to do! Often!), it’s when white monsters are stalked and brutalized by our first black hunter. Especifically a white woman, btw (although I’m happy to see Tara Maclay as a brunette vampire. I didn’t know I needed that in my life, but I did). And you can tell that the show thinks it’s just so SMART and FUNNY to have a ~racist black hunter!! I mean, the comment about how psychic kids would be “betraying their race” if they allied with demons?? FFS.

And ofc there’s the fact that he’s condemned for the exact same type of stuff that makes Dean be hailed as a hero lmfao. Though I won’t like, I love the moment where, faced with the comparison, Dean’s response is “I might be like you, I might not. But you’re the one tied up.” I love those kinds of character moments. As of s2 I officially have a love-hate relationship with Dean Winchester, I hate it here xDD

But still, on his own, Gordon is an amazing character (it’s one of the most frustrating things about the show, the greatness tainted by the bigotry :))). Charismatic, terrifying, and ofc superbly acted. Also, I love that the fact that he praised John (as opposed to every other hunter having a rockier relationship with him) is clearly supposed to be a red flag LMFAO.

-I enjoy how the seasons delves more deeply into Sam’s ~~dark origins, since it was my fave thing about him way back when. I’m already mourning the (as I suspect) lost of his powers, ngl. There’s a little more attention in how he tends to over-identify with supernatural creatures struggling with their ~dark sides too (bitch me too, the fuck xD), which I LOVE to see (among other reasons because at least in that way we get a little of their POV in the forefront lol). One of my favourites in that sense was the episode centered around the ghost-who-didn’t-know-she-was-ghost, played by Tricia Helfer. I clocked early one what was going on, but it was still very enjoyable, especially with Sam’s empathy with her (contrasted by Dean being a total bitch about it, btw. I can’t believe I still see post about how Dean is all heart/kindness/compassion/whatever the fuck. Dean is all about selective empathy and only when it conveniences him, pls).

I was more divided on the episode with Madison the werewolf, tbh. OTOH it put Sam in a better position, for a change xD. As the one willing to make The Hard Choices by fulfilling his promise to kill her because she was dangerous, even when Dean offered to ~take the burden from him. OTOH I hate that kind of thing lol. YOU GUYS KNOW A HUNTER PRO LIKE BOBBY, I BET HE COULD’VE FIGURED OUT SOMETHING TO CONTAIN HER A FEW NIGHTS A MONTH. Also, my immediate reaction was to compare this to when my man Angel had a crush on a werelady and helped her every month lmfao. But then, very few characters can withstand a comparison with Angel, in any sense :P

I also liked Sam’s subplot with his fellow demon-psychic kids, though I wish it’d lasted longer :/ (also: RME at the queer girl dying almost immediately AND her power being killing people, her girlfriend first of all, with her touch. The black guy was the last one to die at least...?). My fave was Ava, by far. I loved her since her reaction to helping Sam stealing a psychiatrist’s records was yelling “I’M AWESOME!!”. It made it easy to buy that someone that appeared so mundane, with her easy life and her fiance and whatnot, would become so power hungry and go off the rails, IMO.

BTW: RME at Dean being all “oh Sam is going too dark/becoming to cold” when Sam kills Jake. Jake ripped off his spine and killed him first!! It both amuses me and infuriates me all the times Dean tries to push Sam to be more like himself and then freaks out whenever Sam is not all sunshine and rainbows (while still remaining, IMO, far less cold than Dean himself. Besides, it’s not easy to be colder than Dean, lol).

Lastly, a little character detail I loved was when Sam was jealous about Dean being in the federal database but not himself lmfao. 

-I loved the new foreshadowing crumb with Sam finding out Mary knew the demon, too (information he’ll withhold from Dean, which I approve of LOL). I mean, I know exactly what’s up, I’ve watched most of s4 xD (also, what is UP with this family and making deals with demons. Everyone but Sam so far!! And then HE gets dragged for ~getting too close to one smh. Maybe lead by example!! Also also: yes, it was meant to be ambiguous, but I can’t help but notice the only kiss-pact -or further, depending to how close YED was to Lilith’s levels, since to make a deal with her you have to fuck xD- we didn’t see was the one that must’ve happened between John and YED. Cowards!! xD). Still. I’m so curious about her. Her resurrection is one of the main reasons I’m determined to make it to the later seasons, ngl.

-Another thing I LOVED about this season is how they used sibling relationships to parallel/foreshadow stuff about the brothers, the way s1 did often with fathers. I’ve already mentioned Gordon and his sister, but the others are not less brutal imo: Andy having to kill his evil twin, who wanted him all for himself (... Dean is that you xD); the little girl’s ghost who wanted her grand-niece to commit suicide to stay with her, and didn’t give in until her old sister agreed to die in her place. It was chilling. Also, at one point the parallel was between the brothers and a married couple (the ghost-who-didn’t-know-she-was-a-ghost) and asñdlfkajsf. I’m guessing they had fun with the shippers lol.

Speaking of the brothers’ relationship, this season also goes a little further in escalating the violence between them, when Dean punches Sam in the face and he refuses to respond (“you can hit me all you want, it won’t change anything”. Fuck), or when Dean again punches Sam after Sam was possessed by Meg ¬¬

-Going back to my love-hate relationship with Dean, lmfao. My biggest beef remains how much validation his POV gets from the narrative, granted or not; he’s one of the most irritating cases of protagonist-centered morality and I know it’s only going to get worse smh. At least this season it feels a little more balanced than in s1, with episodes like the one where the civilian Sam had tried to keep away dies halfway through the ep because Dean allowed him to get involved, for example. Still, it grates on me xD. The continuing prison rape jokes/demonic possession rape jokes (with Meg and Sam), his general grossness with women and his lack of sympathy for non-humans even when they’re not trying to hurt anyone don’t exactly help. Also, I often see him praised for some of his political views, a lot of which I agree with (his mistrust of cops, saying convicts don’t deserve to die no matter what they do), but when contrasted with his general attitude across the show it’s really grating ngl.

But then he has such AMAZING character details thrown in, that make me appreciate him as a POV character nonetheless, as much as I often want to curb stomp the guy xD. I loved his speech about how there’s no such thing as a dignified death. I love how he refused to come near his mother’s grave, both at the beginning and at the end of the episode (this show is like, the cure to DCCW’s shows false fuzzy sentimentality istg). I love his pop-culture references, like when Sam mentions Dean always thought OJ was the murderer or Dean jokes about freeing Katie Holmes from Scientology’s cult xD (sometimes it really hits you how old this show is lol). I enjoyed his Wishverse episode, and his lines after Sam dies/he sells his soul to save him (“I had one job”, “my life can mean something”) hit HARD.

But most of all? I LOVE how and why he starts losing respect for John. It’s so fucking cold and abrupt and makes so much sense!! Like, yes, part of it is John’s message about killing Sam (... again, father of the year!), but most of all it’s about John making a pact with a demon and dying TO SAVE DEAN (and probably, simply that he died at all. That shit de-mystifies anyone). IT’S SO FUCKING GREAT TO WATCH. “He spent his life chasing that demon. He was supposed to die fighting, not making a deal with the damn thing. That was supposed to be his legacy, not this." Damn, Dean xDD. The *contempt* with which he said that killed me.

I also love his inherently atheist vision of the world (even if yes, it’s extremely funny knowing this show has canon God and angels and shit -no Jesus Christ though, which I find endlessly funny-, or that they actually meet the archangel Gabriel in disguise xD. Either way, the episode with the fake angel and its foreshadowing was hilarious), his anti-destiny stance, and that it’s him and not John who gets to kill YED.

-I liked Ellen and Jo. Not LOVED, but I liked them. I keep fearing that secondary (especially female) characters will feel empty/shallow but the show keeps proving me wrong, even with one-episode wonders, and at first I wasn’t sure about them, but I was sold quickly. Partially because of the actresses, they both had this... humanizing, endearing quality? It worked really well.  I also loved the explicit contrast between John and Ellen’s parenting styles, with Ellen wanting Jo to return to school and be safe from the hunt, and Jo wanting something different. Also, I wouldn’t ship it if you paid me, but LOL at anyone who actually buys Dean sees Jo as a ~little sister just because MEG said that rme.

This show is just REALLY good when it comes to giving depth to a character with only a couple of brush strokes, which makes it all the more frustrating when they abruptly die or disappear to never be seen again/only once more (to abruptly die!) :)))

I was less sold on Ash; he was amusing, but having a Genius Hacker TM helping them out seemed like the beginning of increasingly giving the brothers ways of deux ex machina-ing them out of problems, when one of my favourite things about the show is seeing them creatively find ways out themselves. I like when they’re competent! Like with the multitude of codes they have to improvise plans, like in the episode where with two words through a lawyer they implemented a quick scheme so that Sam would escape from a police precinct. I like that stuff.

-I’m still so bitterly jealous about the dead man’s blood hurting vampires detail. SO BITTERLY JEALOUS. I love a lot of what this show does with its lore but that little bit is the worst offender. I want it so bad xD

[colour-outside-the-liness]

Oh Disneyland Paris sounds fun yeah! Were you and your roommate already close then? I went to Walt Disney's world with my aunt and cousin when I was like 11 but it would've been way more fun if I could've taken my best friend with me for sure. Maybe we can go to the one in Paris now that she lives just 3h away from me! Oh I see, sounds like LA was really fun for you yeah! your roommate didn't mind third wheeling tho? Hahaha

Yeah Canada is beautiful but what I liked about it the most was the massive improvement in quality of life I had compared to where I was living before and just being able to be who I am and people accepting me for it. Not being worried about violence 24/7 felt pretty fucking great too. So yeah I highly recommend living there if you ever get a chance. But I am loving Portugal so far, people are a bit more judgemental here tho but I like that it's easier to travel to a lot of countries I've always wanted to go to. Everywhere you go there are pros and cons tho so sorting out priorities is key. But Toronto is my favourite of all the places I've been, before living there for a year I had already been two times!

Jesus 50 states, sometimes I forget how big the US is. And you can totally do it if you plan it out! After watching Bly Manor tho I really want to go to Vermont especially during autumn season looks really pretty! There's this fic I love (only the sun by prestonarchives) where Dani and Jamie go on a road trip from Vermont to Maine and I did their entire journey on Google maps street view bc I was so obsessed with this one chapter fanfic I had to immerse myself entirety in it hahaha. So now I want to go there irl. Here's the link if you haven't read it before!

https://bit.ly/3BLy4WR

Omg I totally remember reading that on CBML and being a bit confused bc I was like why would she think you can't see the moon from the great wall of China HAHAHA but I thought it was really funny and endearing yeah it's even funnier now that I know you said it irl haha.

Oh so ENFP-T means extraverted, intuitive, feeling and prospecting personality with a bit of turbulence. Which just means you're curious, perceptive, enthusiastic, an excellent communicator, festive and good-natured. On the other hand you can be disorganized, unfucosed, a people pleaser, overcommitted, too optimistic and restless.

I wonder what Jamies and Danis mbti are as well as their zodiac signs 🤔 I think Jamie might be an ISTP-A bc she's definitely an introvert, very practical, stubborn, assertive, layed back and energetic at the same time. And Dani is either an ENFP-T like you or an ESFJ-T with the whole selfless thing going on.

AE already made it canon that Jamie's an aries (and it makes sense) but I can't figure Dani out. I've thought about her being a leo ♌ bc she's generous, passionate, warm-harted and dominant in her own way and THE HAIR haha. But she's got some pisces ♓ vibes going on too...idk. aaand I'm back at it again with the astrology signs haha.

To be fair your recent drunken exp it was dark and at least you didn't think the road sign was a bear or something (don't know what kind of wild animals you've got over there) that you wrestled with and ended up in a ditch and your best friend let you believe that happened for 3 years up until recently haha. 😂 but yeah some things happen for a reason, having life threatening health issues doesn't sound great tho, but I guess it's a good thing it stops you from drinking too much and making dumb decisions. And hey maybe I secretly want that to happen again idk maybe moving countries is not exciting enough, I have to go out and make a complete drunken fool out of myself in a completely foreign place hahaha. I guess that did kinda happen last month when my best friend came to visit me from Spain and we got drunk on wine, I got lost on the way back home and it was way past curfew. 🤔 shit I'm 29 will I ever learn...

Episode 9 is 😢😍🥰😰😭🤬☠️ just the worst roller-coaster I didn't even know I was on. Haha I was more pissed off than heartbroken the first time I watched it ngl.

Well then maybe the way you do accents is friendly and funny so people can't really get mad at you haha. Like Dani! Oh so that's called a Geordie accent! I see, it's really really cool. AE said Jamie is from Lancashire but that's a whole county isn't it? Idk if there's a specific accent to this region. Knowing you speak kinda like Jamie is something else tho, I think if anyone who spoke like her ever talked to me irl I wouldn't be able to pay attention to what they were saying 😂 just the accent haha.

Oh so you already have 4k something words for it nice. I'm kinda starting to feel an obsession with this medieval AU growing in me, I made a Pinterest board just for it ngl hahaha but I'm still resisting creating anything for it, I did a face study yesterday for Dani and Jamie to see if I finally pick up the idea and just do it but my brain was still like "I don't want to do this rn" and was just being a little bitch about it so I'll just let it cook for longer see if we can reach an agreement eventually (if ever) haha.

Glad to hear you had a good weekend! Even if it left you feeling exhausted in the end. And yeah it makes sense for you to say you don't have favourites haha! Have a great week Colour, take care! 👋✨

Yeah me and my roommate have been friends since we were like 14 so when we went to Disney Land we asked if we could be roomed together because we've been best friends for that long now... been best friends since school and now we live together. She's seen me at my best, my worst, has seen me in all my stages in life and has been there for a lot of the rough stuff I've been through and I've been there for all the stuff she's been through!! Nah she didn't mind at all we had some moments where me and my ex would just go and be a couple and have dates but my ex didn't want me travelling that far alone so invited my roommate too because she didn't like the thought of me flying 11hours alone or being in airports alone so my roommate came with me and we had a great time Awwh good I'm glad it was such a nice place and that you didn't worry about violence all the time but I'm so sorry you ever had to worry about that anyway that can't be easy. I would honestly love to live in Canada I really hope I get chance one day... I'm glad you're loving Portugal but sorry people are judgemental there but I am glad it's easy for you to travel around to other places... oh yeah every place has it's pros and cons I mean England has some pros but it sure has a lot of cons too so I know all about that Yeah America is SO big but I do want to get around all 50 states at some point and I am stubborn enough and determined enough to make it happen eventually even if I don't get around them all until I'm like 70 I'll make it happen haha!! No I haven't read that fic but it sounds amazing so I'll definitely check it out thank you for sending me the link Yeah... that really happened to me and it was just a dumb moment where I had this momentary lapse of knowledge in my brain and now I look back at that question and I'm just like... "you idiot" and this is why people are shocked when I get questions in quizzes right because I have said some really dumb stuff but I'm glad people found it funny and endearing... and I'm glad it makes it better to know I really said that haha Oooo I didn't know that, I like that and I think it's definitely fitting for me!! I think from what you've said about what ENFP-T means Dani could easily be that too and I don't know anything about the other one but I will take your word for it matching Dani because you know way more about this stuff than I do. I have no idea for Jamie though. And with zodiac signs I love that Amelia looked at Jamie and thought she was an Aries, as for Dani I have NO idea what her zodiac would be... in CBML she's a Leo but in MoU with what I have planned for her birthday she'd be a virgo but I don't know anything about zodiacs... all I know is all the pieces I've ever met have been the opposite of what Dani is so maybe that has something to do with their whole charts but I know a lot of other people always make her a Pieces and I trust what other people say about zodiacs more than what I know about them because I really know NOTHING about them haha Nah I knew it was a road sign because of how heavy and hard it was- nah we have no bears where I live... I don't think we have many dangerous animals where I live... got a couple of badgers that can be pretty aggressive but that's about it we don't have much that is scary here or at least not in the little part of England I live. Having life threatening health issues has been hard and since having my spleen removed in January (that was the surgery I needed to try and fix the issue I had) things are even harder now because I have to take antibiotics for the rest of my life to stop me getting any infections because if I ever get a chest infection now or a really bad cold it can be really dangerous but I take it all in my stride and not drinking is just a way to make sure the antibiotics actually work properly and to make sure nothing happens to me... and like you said, means I don't do anything dumb too... haha drunken stories are the best I have been lost a few times when I've been drunk... and I don't think you do learn, I have siblings that are

like 40 and still do dumb shit... I know at 27 I am still doing dumb shit too I don't think I'll ever learn haha 😂 Its such an emotional roller coaster and honestly I was just devastated the first time I watched it... no TV show or movie has ever made me cry the way Bly Manor did when I first saw it and it still makes me cry now. I can cry just thinking about that last episode. I definitely mean it in a friendly way so I hope it comes across like that. Yeah the accent in Billy Elliot is a Geordie accent and its my favourite accent there are other accents around the north that are called different things. Yeah Lancashire is a county and again in Lancashire there are loads of different accents I can't really pinpoint Jamie's down to a city I just know it's Northern. I'm from Yorkshire but don't have a strong Yorkshire accent I just have a Northern accent, like people never believe I'm from the place I'm from because I don't sound like I am but you can definitely tell I'm northern... honestly there are so many accents in England... you can drive for two hours in any direction in England and the accent will change like two times at least it's insane... see a lot of people say that but I am not a HUGE fan of the northern accent and I think it's because I grew up there. I much prefer Dani's accent to Jamie's but like I said to me, Jamie just talks normal there is no accent really haha Yeah 4k words for it but it's all jumbled up it's not like a chronological story yet it's just all over the place haha but I hope I can get it all structured properly soon!! Awwh good I'm glad you're already interested in this medieval AU!! That makes sense you're resisting creating for it but I think it's so cool you did a face study for Dani and Jamie even if you didn't wanna finish it I think letting things cook for a while is always a good idea if you're not in the right headspace right away I had such a good weekend but I am so tired and today I had a busy day too celebrating my roommate's boyfriend's birthday so I've had so many days that have been so busy and right now I am just really to sleep haha!! Yeah definitely don't have favourites but I have spent more time with one of my nieces than the others simply because I always look after her if her mum and dad are working and I'm not... like until I start this new job I am looking after her for an hour every day after school while she waits for her mum and dad to finish work but I don't have favourites haha!! Thank you so much I hope you had a great weekend and that you have a great week too!!

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 246: Plot Whiplash

Previously on BnHA: Hawks handed Endeavor a copy of Re-Destro’s NYT bestseller and was all “ಠ_ಠ READ THIS!!” He then flew off back to the PLF and was all “hey guys just got back from handing out free copies of Destro’s book to everyone in a 1000-mile radius, which absolutely nobody asked me to do, well anyways you can thank me later” and they were all “SWEET.” Back at the Endeavor HQ, Bakugou got all fired up to BUST SOME HEADS but Endeavor’s sidekicks were all “WAIT FOR THE PLOT YOUNG MAN.” Meanwhile in his office, Endeavor discovered a secret code in the book Hawks gave him, which basically read “HEY WHAT’S UP THE LEAGUE HAS TAKEN OVER THE MLA AND HAS AN ARMY OF 100,000 PEOPLE” and Endeavor was like “!!!!” And then we cut to the League and Toga was all “IN FOUR MONTHS TOMURA IS BLOWING THIS SHIT TO KINGDOM COME” and then the chapter just ended. Sometimes it be like that.

Today on BnHA: Tomura sits down with Ujiko who monologues a bit about Quirk Singularity and then starts some sort of quirk-upgrading process which will apparently take four months to fully set in. And also he’s like “oh btw let me tell you about One for All” so THAT’S A THING NOW, GREAT. We then cut back and forth between Endeavor and Hawks, who both somehow come to the weird conclusion that THE INTERNS ARE OUR ONLY HOPE NOW using logic that is hard to explain on account of THERE ACTUALLY ISN’T ANY LOGIC BEHIND IT, SHHH. But anyway, so Endeavor figures out the rest of Hawks’s message and he knows that Hawks is trying to figure out what the League is up to, and something something that’s why the internships are so important. Like, I get that the Terrible Trio are future legends in the making, but these guys are seriously like “well okay let’s just go ahead and rest all our hopes on them” out of the blue, and Hawks has this big monologue about how “THINGS WON’T GO ACCORDING TO YOUR PLAN, VILLAINS” and okay then!! And then the last two pages are basically just DID SOMEBODY ORDER SOME HYPE with more shit going on than I can possibly sum up so I won’t even try lol. But damn.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.) 

okay guys, I’m feeling kinda under the weather today, but I know this chapter’s gonna be good so lesssssss gooooooo. bring me back to life Horikoshi

(ETA: lol well there sure was a lot happening in this chapter, that’s for sure. my head hurts.)

oooooh it’s a sexy Jump cover celebrating season 4!

I really need the anime team to step up and give Ochako and Tsuyu some more screentime in the Basement Arc since the manga did not do them justice. there’s only like a 20% chance of that happening, which is depressing, but it’s 2019 and the winds are slowly changing, albeit at a geriatric pace. so I’ll allow myself to have some hope. you never know

YEAH SON LOOK AT THIS COLOR SPREAD Y’ALL THIS IS RAD

hello I love everything about this. the colors, the focus on our best girls, Deku’s bizarre-yet-awesome assorted sci-fi accessories (Deku do those headphones let you communicate with space or what), and of course, the five million TVs in the background which for some reason all appear to be from the 70s. all of this to remind us to TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR THE LONG-AWAITED SEASON 4 DEBUT. I will definitely tune in! the first episode is just gonna be the usual half filler/half clip show, but honestly season 3 was so good that I could sit through a whole hour of nothing but highlights and still be thoroughly entertained

anyway let’s move on because there are GAMES AFOOT, and we’re hopefully about to learn which direction this arc will be headed in!

OH SHIT OH FUCK

yep, that’s him. Shigaraki “destruction incarnate” Tomura. I see we’re getting our weekly dose of “just a reminder that WE ARE SCREWED” even earlier than usual this chapter, huh

so does anyone else get a chill up their spine every time Ujiko makes an appearance, or is that just me? like, god. he may honestly be even creepier than AFO. he’s just completely soulless, this guy. he’s got like this Mengele vibe to him (though that may be kinda dicey to compare horrific real-life atrocities to fictional ones in a shounen manga, but I’m just trying to explain why I find him so disturbing) and it really freaks me the hell out, ngl. anyways so him wearing a surgical mask and standing in front of this weird examination chair is pretty much the last thing I need right now. go away Ujiko

so Tomura is all “I want it cuz you promised, so pay up jackass”, and like. fair, though

I really like this new art style Horikoshi’s been using for him since his Awakening. kinda curious how it’s going to translate to the anime, or even to a color spread. but at the very least in black and white it looks siiiiick

smh look at this little punk trying to downplay how insanely freaking overpowered his quirk currently is

okay first of all, “President Baldy” is only alive because you left him alive. and he also had to chop off his own legs to stay that way. like, what kind of argument is this, Tomura? “this power is far from invincible, all my enemies have to do is amputate their own limbs and then they’ll have me right where they want me.” you know what, just go on and destroy the world right now kid. you’re getting greedy now and it could be your undoing

that is a nice parallel between him and Deku there, though. now I’m craving some Symbolic Artwork of them standing back to back each holding out their scarred right arms. maybe with their respective mentors in the background. here at BnHA we prefer our parallels nice and dramatic

sdskfjlaskdj

son of a bitch. I really wish he wouldn’t say that with such utter certainty. “the next conflict will be our last.” cue me flipping through the BnHA table of contents and trying to determine just how far along we actually are here, because this is veering dangerously close to Final Battle signaling, and like, ALREADY?? TOMURA ARE YOU JUST BEING THEATRICAL OR ARE YOU FOR REAL OMG. motherfucking DARK LORD’S LIPS curling into the WICKEDEST FUCKING CRESCENT I’VE EVER SEEN, fuck me

(ETA: it occurs to me on readthrough #2 that “the next conflict will be our last” could be interpreted to mean him and All Might specifically. like, the last conflict between the two of them. and that might very well be true, and would not surprise me at all. shit.)

fjsgk now Ujiko’s talking about research. and quirks!! glkjlkl

fully expecting the camera to cut to some NOUMUS any second now oh my god. also trying not to think about how crazy ominous that fucking chair looks. and how many people this maniac has probably strapped down to it and done god knows what to them. hey Horikoshi you know what, I’ve had just about enough of this dark shit, can we please cut back to my kids now I’m feeling too unsettled. goddammit

anyhow of course we are NOT cutting away, and Ujiko is continuing to talk about quirk evolution, and now segueing into a speech about that quirk singularity thing. -- which he apparently named?? wow

is he actually going to do something to Tomura? holy shit?? this whole time that they’ve been talking about this “power” I’ve just been assuming it was something external, like some other handy dandy villain resource that AFO’s just been sitting on or something. this is not where I expected things to go. didn’t he just get an upgrade??

anyway so here’s a brief summary I just wrote up of The Past Six Months of BnHA:

Deku: [gets a new quirk]

everyone: bruh. Horikoshi really out here giving Deku AFO Powers while Tomura just sits around starving to death on a couch. what the heck

Horikoshi: [powers up Tomura to the point where he can destroy anything just by it being in contact with something that Tomura happens to be touching] [has Tomura use this power to level an entire city]

everyone: -- oh. okay, you know what, never mind --

Horikoshi: [gives Tomura an army of 100,000 people] [also gives him command of 11 extremely lethal and nigh-unstoppable killing machines, just one of which was almost enough to take out the number one hero, LITERALLY THE STRONGEST GUY THE GOOD GUYS CURRENTLY HAVE IN RESERVE]

everyone: okay we’re sorry we get it you can sto --

Horikoshi: APOCALYPSE IN FOUR MONTHS!!!

everyone: WE GET IT WE’RE SORRY PLEASE

Horikoshi: [GIVES TOMURA ANOTHER POWER-UP]

everyone: [curled up in fetal position sobbing]

starting to think the mangaka might be the actual final villain here. hmm

anyway. so I guess we have four months until Tomura ascends to Actual Godhood and proceeds to rain hellfire down upon the world. what are you all gonna do with your four months. I personally have a lot of stuff to binge, but knowing me I’ll probably just waste all my time reading fanfic while youtube videos play in the background which I’m not paying any attention to. what am I doing with my life

oh were we not done hyping him up? there’s more??

(ETA: I got so caught up in the OFA comment I didn’t pay attention to Tomura becoming a beautiful decayed butterfly in this exquisitely creepy panel here. but damn.)

-- HOLD THE FUCK UP. does Tomura know about One for All??? because I was under the impression that AFO hadn’t told him? this would change a lot if he knew this entire time, holy shit?!

aaaaaaaaand exactly one panel later Horikoshi is all “no he didn’t know calm the fuck down” lol

okay then. so he didn’t know, and he’s only just finding out now. well tbh that’s still worthy of a smiling crying emoji face though :’) this is fineeee

shit here we go oh shit

-- WAIT, SO WE’RE JUST CUTTING AWAY FROM THEM? NOW YOU CUT AWAY? YOU GET WITHIN INCHES OF CONFIRMING THE FUCKING ALL FOR ONE FOR ALL THEORY AND THEN IT’S JUST “ANYWAYS HERE’S ENDEAVOR” YOU KNOW WHAT, HORIKOSHI, I --

just. come on dude. AFOFA 2019! let’s make it happen! dammit

sigh, so looks like it’s back to the admittedly-still-epic “Hawks passes down secret information about the villains to Endeavor” plot. I guess we’re not exactly hurting for good plots all around. I may complain but honestly we are spoiled

so Hawks is saying that he actually doesn’t know the specifics of the villains’ plans yet. well shit

apparently his feathers can only pick up sounds from short range, and the villains keep escorting him away whenever they get to talking about the good stuff. well at least that explains that potential plot hole from last week. Hawks’s feathers may have a short range, but Horikoshi’s plot hole caulking gun can fill in leaky plot holes from fucking miles away. amazing

ffffffff

don’t mind me I’m just sitting here fretting about Hawks continuing to be in mortal danger and risking his life to gather information in a race against time against the end of the world. Horikoshi out here piling up stakes like a freaking vampire hunter

but in the meantime, everyone please stop what you’re doing for a moment to look at this absolute unit of a bellhop slash security guard

apologies Lord Vader he was just trying to get to the dining hall. my bad. as you were

and holy shit I hope you enjoyed that light comedic break because two seconds later Re-Destro has dropped in to fixate Hawks with one of those Lightly Menacing Smiles he’s so infamous for. so that’s just fucking great!

HAWKS WATCH OUT FOR YOUR FINGERS

omg. imagine, a showdown between the two stealth murder MVPs of the series, Yotsubashi “Sleeper Hold” Rikiya (yes I did have to look up his real name just now) and Takami “Tag Em And Bag Em” Keigo. true, RD may no longer have legs, but he didn’t need them to choke out our little mouse buddy now did he? anyways speaking of which I just remembered that I fucking hate Re-Destro and I honestly hope Hawks does kill him. it’d be pretty easy to fit him into a bag too. he’s basically just a torso and arms now

oh sure Horikoshi go ahead and spring this on me after all of that ranting why don’t you

by the way does Re-Destro have Robot Legs now, or

looool he does

I will say this for Horikoshi, he knows my weaknesses. more robot limbs please. either badass or memeable ones, either is fine

meanwhile I skipped over this panel of Hawks and Twice being buddies in order to get to the legs, and shame on me for that. let’s go back

Twice is a genuinely good guy and I hope Hawks can tell. I wonder how fake this smile is. I feel like it’d be easy to relax around Twice regardless of how tense you are about your secret spy mission which could go south at any time. anyways this is wholesome

and now we’re cutting back to Endeavor who is taking his sweet time reacting to this whole thing. Endeavor can you fucking chill with the poker face already geez

okay wait, what

are you serious?! I fucking can’t with this lady. “now make sure to throw these children directly into the line of fire! it’s good for them and builds character!” I’m sorry, I thought this was the Hero Public Safety Commission, not the Putting Juveniles Directly Into Harm’s Way Commission?? at least change the acronym to something more appropriate then. Heinous Pathetic Soulless Cowards. just a suggestion. jesus

anyway so for a moment I got confused as to whether this was implying that she’d told Endeavor about Hawks’s undercover mission. but it seems like he’s still unaware. shouldn’t be too long before he puts the pieces together though at this rate

lol in the very next panel, even

meanwhile you’re just sitting on your ass reading a book! FUCKING DO SOMETHING ALREADY, ENDEAVOR

so he’s thinking that the “preparation” part of Hawks’s message is referring to the interns. let me back up a sec and write down the entire message as he’s read it thus far

“four months from now / rising to action / until then / will send / signals / in case / of failure / preparation / numbers”

...read like that, it really does sound like Hawks is advocating to get as many soldiers ready as possible. even if that includes actual children. including Endeavor’s own son. shit. I mean, I get that they don’t have much of a choice, but that’s still so fucked up. sure, we as omniscient readers know that Deku is their one and only hope, but they don’t know that. as far as they know these are just a bunch of teenagers with less than a year’s worth of experience that they’re propping up on the front lines. and the plan is then... what? hope they don’t die too quickly?? fuck

Hawks is out here having an argument with me in his thoughts. you wanna play it like that, Hawks? fine

I don’t know what kind of “but” you can tag on to the end of that paragraph that could possibly win me over, dude, but go for it I guess

and we’re finally cutting back to the kids in question now! with Burnin’ casually trying to crush Kacchan’s hopes and dreams

okay but I love how both Deku and Shouto are like “easy there buddy, we got you” and trying to keep Kacchan from having a fucking aneurysm sob. JUST TRY AND HOIST HIM ONTO SOME DUMB SIDEKICKS, LADY. YOU’VE MADE A POWERFUL ENEMY HERE TODAY

oh shit

oh my god. are we going to get our first actual interaction between the three of them that doesn’t consist of them grumbling annoyed introductions at each other and then running off to fight an old fortune teller omggggg

I love how Deku and Bakugou look weirdly intimidated by him lol. Bakugou where did all that “YOU’RE KIND OF A JERK” confidence go all of a sudden

YESSSSSSS

GODDAMMIT, I’M STILL SO MAD AT YOU GUYS FOR BEING ALL “LET’S JUST MAKE THE CHILDREN DO IT,” BUT DAMMIT THEY KICK ASS THOUGH SO I CAN KINDA SEE YOUR POINT

NOW HAWKS IS METAING ABOUT THEM AHHHHHHH

DAMN STRAIGHT THEY WOULD HAVE. BRING ON TOMURA AND ALL OF HIS STUPID POWER-UPS. WOW I’M WEIRDLY HYPED UP ALL OF A SUDDEN WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME

AND FUCKING LOOK AT THIS TWO-PAGE SPREAD AHHHHHHHHHHH

MOTHERFUCKER [WHIPS OUT PEN AND NOTEBOOK] TIME TO ANALYZE THIS BITCH

so Ochako and Tsuyu did indeed go back to intern with Ryuukyuu again! makes sense, she is a top ten hero after all. who’s that with them, though? almost looks like Yanagi from the hair and the mask, but the costume looks different? hmm

I CAN’T BELIEVE IIDA WENT BACK TO INTERN WITH FUCKING MANUAL AGAIN. THIS GUY IS THE BRAN CEREAL OF HEROES. though I fucking love him though so yeah it’s fine

JIROU AND SHOUJI TEAMING UP WITH GANG FUCKING ORCA AW YISS BOYS THIS IS THE GOOD SHIT LET’S GOOOO

KOUDA AND MANGA TEAMING UP WITH WASH OMG. MANGA IS THE ONLY ONE ON THAT TEAM WHO ACTUALLY FUCKING SPEAKS. IS WASH’S SIDEKICK SOME SORT OF BROOM PERSON OMG

A WHOLE FUCKING ACRE OF KIDS HAVE ALL GANGED UP ON THIS CAVEMAN-LOOKING FELLA I DON’T EVEN RECOGNIZE. WHO ARE YOU. DID YOU CROSS OVER FROM THE FANTASY AU

KIRI BACK WITH FG AND BROUGHT TETSUTETSU ALONG FOR THE RIDE HELLS YEAHHHH

KAMINARI AND SERO WITH KAMUI WOODS AND EDGESHOT I’M HYPERVENTILATING AHHH. AND SHIOZAKI TOO!! I’LL JUST PRETEND I DON’T SEE MINETA THERE IN THE CORNER. MIGHT BE TIME TO DUST OFF THE OLD “CANCELLED” STAMP AGAIN BUT WE’LL SEE HOW THINGS GO

WHO ARE MOMO AND TOKAGE AND MINA AND AOYAMA (WHICH BTW IS THE GREATEST HERO TEAMUP OF ALL TIME HOLY SHIT) TEAMING UP WITH!? TELL US. AND PONY AND MONOMA. GODDAMMIT HORIKOSHI

whew! anyway. they’re all still screwed, but by golly that was nice to have that little invigorating breather of life and hope

LOL OH SHIT THERE’S ANOTHER ONE

okay, SOMEONE TELL ME RIGHT THE FUCK NOW WHAT ALL MIGHT IS LOOKING AT OR I’M GONNA LOSE IT. holy shit. he was researching the past users of OFA, wasn’t he? WHAT DID YOU FIND OH GOD. he’s not just upset, he looks one step shy of fucking crying?? did he learn about what happened to Nana’s son and his family, maybe? shit shit shit

so Yanagi is interning with Kendou then? so who was that with Hadou and Ryuukyuu and the rest. one of Ryuukyuu’s sidekicks?

IS THAT FUYUMI (SPOILERS FUCKING YEAH IT IS) AND WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE SHE’S FUCKING PRAYING OMG. it looks like she’s kneeling at a family altar?? like saying a prayer for someone who is PRESUMED DEAD, maybe?? LIKE MAYBE A LONG LOST TWIN BROTHER OH SHIT OUT OF NOWHERE THE HYPE DON’T STOP!!

AND WHY DOES NAO HAVE HIS HAT OFF AND CLUTCHED TO HIS CHEST LIKE HE’S TELLING SOMEONE BAD NEWS. GOD WHAT THE HELL EVEN ARE ALL OF THESE PLOT THINGS HAPPENING ALL OF A SUDDEN. LIKE I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO LOOK NEXT

KUROGIRI AHHHHHHHH

WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO ERI’S HORN!? DOES ANYONE ELSE SEE THIS?? AIZAWA??? HELLO!?!?

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, TEAM OT3. TIME TO FUCKING SUIT UP. APPARENTLY. WELL ALL RIGHT THEN. [JACKET ZIP] [GUN COCKING SOUND EFFECT] LET’S GO PUNCH ‘EM IN THE MOUTH

y’all. this chapter was like plot whiplash. this went in so many different directions and hinted at so many different things that I’m at a complete fucking loss as to what to process first. but I guess the interns are gonna save us all, somehow. lol okay then

[secludedmoonnn]

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything on here. I haven’t been doing the greatest mentally. I try to keep my mood and attitude up the best I can, but it just seems that every attempt lately has been failing. (I have a feeling that it has to do with the fact that I’m getting my period in less than a week lol). Every time I wake up, I’m sad, and I have to fight off the tears that want to come out. I don’t want to cry anymore. I cry so much. I haven’t cried this much since I was living with Marissa, and that was simply because I felt lonely and was unhappy with my living arrangements and just overall life. But you came into my life right as I got out of that shitty part of my life. And idk if that was such a good idea to have you come in so fast after, but you have no idea what this past year has meant to me. I have never felt such happiness and love before in my life. I have never felt loved like that and I think that’s why this hurts so fucking bad. No one has ever truly loved me the way you did. Unconditionally. And idk what happened. To be told lies and then to be told you’re not sure if you’re in love with me anymore. I don’t get why you couldn’t come to me. It still frustrates me. This whole situation, everything, makes me so mad. Why did this happen? Why does everything work out in the way where I’m the one left alone and hurting? Why is everything unfair to me? Why can’t one goddamn thing in my life work out the way I want it to? Why can’t a single fucking person be honest with me? I just wish that I could close off my heart to people, but I just can’t. No matter how hard I try to, I always end up having my heart completely open and vulnerable to everyone. Idk how not to. Idk how to not let things affect me. I have always been this way. Because everything matters to me. The way people treat me or others matters. What people say or do to me, matters. Idk how to not let it affect me when it has to do with the people I love and care about. Idk why you couldn’t see that. Or at least come talk to me about something you were genuinely concerned about. Idk why you couldn’t talk to me about something like that, ESPECIALLY if you claimed to care about me and love me. Regardless if you weren’t sure what you were feeling and you got scared. I was always there for you. Always ready to let you open yourself up to me, but you just couldn’t do it. And tbh, that is extremely fucking selfish of you. Considering we were in a serious relationship. Something I wanted to have for the rest of my life. I was ready to fight and to work for it at any given moment if need be. But you weren’t. You didn’t want to fight. You just backed yourself into a corner with these thoughts and feelings and it just kept becoming more and more until the point where you felt trapped and like there was nothing else that you could do. And that was fucking selfish. When you’re in a relationship, your feelings become our feelings and vice versa. And we talk it out. It can be fucking terrifying, but everything worth something, isn’t easy. It takes guts, and it takes work and it takes determination. It takes so much more than it leads on to be. And I was more than willing to do all the work and more. But you just weren’t, and it fucking sucks. It sucks to feel like I was the only one who cared about our relationship, that cared about how we both felt. And I hate feeling that way. I know you cared about me, but you didn’t care enough. You didn’t care enough about us. You didn’t care enough and it sucks babe. It sucks so fucking much, and I don’t know how to cope with that. I clearly viewed you and our relationship in a different light than you viewed me and our relationship. It sucks to know that I truly didn’t know a fucking thing about you in that sense. And it hurts like hell. Especially to know that you just couldn’t break down those walls and talk to me. The person who was always there no matter what. And it sucks. It sucks so much.

And I hate missing you as much as I do. I hate that no matter what, you always creep into my thoughts. You don’t cross my mind, you live there. And I can’t even escape you in my sleep. I’ve been having consistent dreams of you this past week. All different play-throughs of our breakup or relationship. Last night, idk where we were, but we weren’t at either of our homes and you broke up with me, but before you left, we were with other people and you fell asleep on my shoulder and we just had a really sweet moment. It felt very intimate and just nice. Then when you realized what you were doing, you got all flustered and said you can’t do that and that you needed to leave, but I was stuck wherever I was (somehow 4 hours away from home), and you said you’d drive me, but we would have to be stuck in the car with each other for hours after we broke up and that I just wouldn’t want that. And then you left me. But it jumped to another part of the dream and we were walking somewhere to sit down, and I pretty much just asked you the questions I wanted to know. Like how much time do you need, are you going to hold up on your end of the pact, and so many other things too. And I sadly never got any answers. I never got anything. Just like in real life. And then I woke up. And I just spent an hour crying. I couldn’t stop myself. I have cried so much the past few days. I try not to, but idk why but I just have an anxious feeling/cloud that just looms over my heart and I can’t seem to make it go away. Sometimes I fight it off and anytime I start to feel the anxiety start up and you push yourself into my thoughts, I try to ignore it. I try to push it down, because I’m just over crying. I’m over crying over you, over this situation, over the love that I may never get back. I wish I could just throw away my feelings. I wish it was something I could easily move past. But I can’t and it isn’t. Love is never easy. Especially when that love leaves you out of nowhere. When you didn’t have a fucking clue. And it sucks. And so sometimes I just cry, because there’s nothing else that I can do. But just feel. And I feel so goddamn much.

I’ve realized this week though, how depressed I have gotten. I’ve eaten so much fast food it isn’t even funny and I’m barely not stoned. Which I mean nothing out of the regular from before, but I’m using it as an escape now. And I don’t want that. I’m going to try and be more aware of how I’m using it and why. I don’t want to fall into that spiral again. So I’m going to try and focus on doing my chores/ responsibilities before I let myself indulge like that. Ngl, I got my notebook to find a page I can write on to make a list of everything I need to do, and I came across the fish that you drew to show me the picture you drew that your mom got tattooed on her, and I just felt a wave of sadness again. You are so intertwined into every part of me and my life. Even though you aren’t here. Even though we don’t talk anymore. And this feeling really sucks. Because I want nothing more than for you to be here. For us to be able to to talk about things. And it sucks because I know that isn’t possible, and it sucks because I keep being reminded of you no matter what it is that I am doing. You are there. You are always with me. Your memory, your presence. It just follows me like a ghost. I wish this was something I could easily move on from but I can’t. My heart is too big and it cares too much about everything. Especially when it comes to you.

I’ve been hurting so much lately. And I wish I wasn’t, but I can’t stop the inevitable. I just want it to stop. I just want my heart to heal from this. But I know it can’t be done so easily. And it is going to take a lot of time, a lot of work and a lot of dedication and determination. But I know I will get there, eventually. I will be okay, even if I feel far from it right now. I’m going to get through this extremely rough patch in my life. I will do it because I deserve it. And I deserve to be happy again. I deserve a life that isn’t filled with such sadness. And I will do it of my own volition.

I’ve been really sad this week and it sucks. But I hope you are doing okay. I hope that you’re getting through your emotions and feelings and whatever else life may be throwing at you for the time being. I wish I could be there for you, as like I’ve mentioned before, I still care immensely about you, and I am an extremely caring person by nature. I hope that one day, our paths will cross again, and maybe we will have enough courage to try again.

[at-the-exd-of-everythixg]

Ok uh DND HEADCANONS aka welcome to fantasy queer eye

Ava: A tiefling paladin. Bonar Fidea ("BONER?" "Shut the fuck up Sal.") Is sworn to her mission to protect the group of travellers she's met. Especially when faced with a particular half orc,,,ahem, Bonar is intent on doing good, not for the cost of gold, but to perhaps wipe her hands of bloodshed left over from a suffocating war that she refuses to talk about....just a shame that the rest of her party doesn't agree with the motives.

Mimi: Dwarf fighter named Viet Clearwater ("'Cause she drags her enemies through the fucking mud!"). Dwarf milf -

("wait," Lace squints and Mimi grins. "How is she a milf??" "WELL. You know that thing where a woman gets out of the fire and shakes her head? That's that." Everyone waits for a moment before nodding appreativatevly.)

- who worked in a blacksmiths for many years before meeting Sal's character and ending up joining his kid onto becoming fantasy bounty hunters for a few months before meeting the others. Viet's personal mission is to get a beach day yet each plot ends up derailing her from it each and every time.

Finn: Druid Elf called Roisen-Mae Maylar who worked in fantasy Greggs before Bonar robbed them and Roisen-Mae was the one who was sent after her due to him being "the new guy". Long story short, Roisen-Mae realised he was underpaid and joined Bonar in her avenging for justice, quickly realising that "justice" was conceived of breaking into places and killing people in order to free others. Roisen-Mae kinda wishes he could go back to Fantasy Greggs but...he likes the feeling of adventure in his blood, likes helping people in such a freeing manner.

Sal: Elvish Bard named Chester. Out here playing the top hits of "I want thy love" and "I was created for loving thee." With the backups of Wulf's character. Realised that he could get more cash and that there was...fuck, there was something magic about his voice that struck the monsters and mysterious assassins often sent after the party for some reason.

("Wait so you're some sort of siren?" Pascal had begun to laugh as Sal sqwuaked in indignation. "No! Its- its magic! Shut up you solar piece of shit!")

Sure, murder wasn't was Chester was expecting. But fuck if it ain't gonna be fun (skksks ngl I'm...half wondering if Sal would let his dnd character be in love like I am with him and me being ace sksk)

Mahogany: No character since they struggle with grasping the game but they usually have someone sitting on their lap while they watch everyone play and suggest actions. Sometimes they're allowed to be monsters but often Mahogany is just there to get some cuddles.

Pascal: Orc rogue named Solgrindr The Rugged. 100% he's here to get jacked and each mission allows him to gain One Ab. His guns are huge but his heart is even huge-er and Solgrindr speaks with a fiery passion to sell his training regime and to collect a million fantasy numbers. Since. U know. Solgrindr has earned these by now.

("So you're a Chad?" Mimi squints and Pascal lifts up a hand in offense before Sal interjects. "YEAH PASCAL YOU AN INCEL?" Pascal cried a minute later. He just wanted to be ripped, was that too much to ask?)

Solgrindr is but a man of his whims and what's a bigger whim than a fiery battle and an even hotter romance? ("His sole goal is to romance Chester." Pascal says, smiling viciously when Sal chokes from across the table.) Its just a shame he hasn't been able to live up to his full power yet...

Edith: A half-orc paladin called Yanag Broifstïgnäh who is...basically a carbon copy of Edith but no one's gonna exactly argue with a 6'something Norse angel who everyone excluding Wulf and Dae, are attracted to her. Yanag fights with the same ire and power anyone else would have done to protect her party entirely. She gets a magical axe that apparently washes her into an entirely new and powerful form only once every game.

(Finn frowns, tilting his head curiously. "You made Edith into a magical girl?"

Doe blinks and for a moment, Finn shudders when his own eyes meet his. "Yeah. Is that what that's called? Coolio.")

Yanag saves and romances a woman with every town they go to, but it raises questions when she seems to deny their affections, just as its suspicious how black tar-like veins seem to spread on her the more she uses this power.

Wulf: A human ranger called Bob Greenson. Your average, typical human man who just so happens to believe in fate and adventure! He shall charm everyone and fight the good battles!

("So." Ava squinted and Edith tried to not smile. "He's playing as himself...but a human man?" Her question seemed to get a rough snort out of Edith and a slight nudge of the shoulders. "Aye, but 'tis what makes the man happy I suppose.")

Of course, Bob is on a strict mission to product review as many weapons as he possibly can for his company, Weap'n'throw, while perhaps finding a few good spots to camp out for the ol' family? How's it goin' neighbour? Sure there are some sale issues, what with everyone wanting to murder Bob, but what sales pitch doesn't come with a bit of haggling, hm? With his mighty band of sales assistants, please speak to Chester on aisle three for magical trumpets!

Adonai: Dungeon Master! It's a relief to be themselves and to still be able to interact with the games and everyone else. Doe was worried at first that they would have been left out while everyone got to be something different. They would have joined, but the idea of yet again forming a whole new identity, trying to find the balance and shifts...it sounded exhausting. They couldn't handle it.

Ava patted them and told Doe that they didn't need to be someone. They could think up the scenarios and risks and Joys. It wasn't often that they got an opportunity to take over and simply have fun with risking Mimi's life or trying to create romantic scenarios between Edith and Ava. Doe takes great pleasure in being the DM and it isn't uncommon for them to modify their body for certain campaigns.

Lace: A half-elf wizard named Elvish Presley (Everyone groans. Mahogany weeps. Edith demotes her Valkyrie ways. Sal becomes a nun.) Elvish is interested in learning all sources of magic and why their world works. Is there anything connecting them all? A reason for them being here? Elvish is determined to find out, no matter what the cost...mostly of himself though.

Whether he admits that he wouldn't allow his team to get hurt or not, that is entirely Elvish's thoughts and feelings alone. Quick! Put that healing spell away! We can't let these people know that we feel and yearn! But little does Elvish Presley know, everyone is aware that he is a giant nerd with a giant heart that weeps when Bonar rescues him from the angry orgre who's wagon dealership they ruined in a quest.

Dae: A dragonborn ranger named Torpa Armani who dreams of becoming a famous writer-

("Th-that's bas-basically what y-you do anywh-anyway." Morde squints as Wulf grins while Dae flushes and shakes his head. It's a weak argument, to hear your clone try and deny the elaborate romance novels he writes about his friends.)

-But! Sometimes you just get whisked away onto wild and heart melting adventures. Its hard to ignore how good it deeps to help other people with their problems. It seems that Torpa may just be finding out that there's more to life than romance or tragedy books for them. Especially if they seem so insistent on carrying a weapon and being willing to put their trust and faith within other people once more after being outcasted for who and what they are.

Peach: A tiefling ranger named Puddles Skipclear. Puddles was once a water nymph, but had been cursed into a more physical form that didn't allow her to touch water. She is bound to dry lands until Puddles is able to break her curse. Unfortunately, Puddles doesn't even seem to know what curse bounds her and changes her for possibly forever.

(Morde is quiet for a moment, not meeting his clone's eyes guilt makes his eyes and body dim and slouch. Dae does the same towards Mordecai and everyone tries to ignore the guilt that isn't there's suddenly shifting around the room.)

She likes the people she has chosen to travel with. They're silly and their quests don't always work out, but they're honest in helping Puddles and she wants to trust in them when they say that they will help her remove her curse. They're all rather different from her water sisters that faded away and slipped out of Puddles' too physical fingers, but she's begun to have high hopes about what this mission could mean for her along the way.

Mordecai: Orc rogue named Vecivus Brogun, who is a well renewed theft despite his size. Parties could only dream of having him upon their sides. It's easy to steal things from countless people, but it's harder to steal the secrets. Especially when such a strange party seems to hold so many of these secrets. Some of them have simple ideas and wants, but others?

Oh, there's mystery to them and contrary to what others believe about orcs, Vec is far more easily aware and shifty than most. If only the others would realise these and help him out with a few gigs...after all, is it so bad to steal from a dragon if said dragon had so many riches that he would have hardly noticed if a few went missing?

[cyanpeacock]

considering My Functionality again? 

i can’t, uh, explain how i actually work any other way than... well, i’m... there is... we’re (pronouns???!) a system, but a reasonably well hidden one, one that can function and broadly pass as One Person? 

as in, i don’t require a diagnosis of DID to navigate the world, so i’m not talking about DID itself here. but yeah, it’s not infrequent that my body is walking somewhere having a whole conversation, that i’m not consciously creating every part of. 

used to feel like the whole, Voices In My Head, Uncontrollable Speech And Actions thing made me, you know... Dangerous, Insane, the whole stereotypical shebang. and, yeah, ngl, i was more than unpleasant to be around for a while, before i done went and learned Emotional Regulation Skills, and stuff like that. appreciative that those are increasingly accessible to whatever the hell the rest of my brain is doing. still work to do, but that’s okay, there always is.

so now i’m like... damn, who is it hurting? this way of understanding the functioning of my brain has been very helpful to me, actually. it’s interesting, now i’m increasingly comfortable with the undeniable (in terms of Human Averages) weirdness of it.

there are just, entities in here that i don’t consciously control? some are even friends! they just... Speak And Act Through This Body. i didn’t consciously make them. they just sort of, show up, and grow and change with time, go dormant, wake up again, sometimes respond to being prodded. 

the characters i consciously make? turn out weird, and flat. they’re just Designs, pretty pictures, shells really. the people that just Show Up? i’m like, oh, man, if i think hard enough i see sort of how you got unconsciously made, but... i didn’t choose to do that. it just fucking, Happened. ok. alright. 

it’s... perhaps frightening, to some people, who happen to see my body apparently Crazy(tm) in the street, or gesticulating wildly to thin air through my apartment window? but then, that’s societal prejudice against obvious neurodivergence and/or mental illness talking, and i know i’m not going to physically harm them, my body is just... Doing That Thing Again. they might be frightened, but they’re gonna walk past physically unharmed, and emotionally uninjured except for a bit of a scare, which, many things can scare you. 

i don’t mean to frighten anyone! but i’m aware it’s gonna happen regardless, even if the only cause was my appearance and not my Odd Behaviour - e.g., some people are going to experience fear of my body alone, even Acting Normally(tm), because i’m a white man in a tracksuit, who is inevitably going to cross paths with women and folks of colour when i take walks at night. 

i don’t know, part of me wonders, should i even be using the word system if i’m not, like, Professionally Diagnosed With DID? i’m aware lots of systems hide, i’m aware of iatrogenic systems with no evident history of trauma, i’m aware that some people contest the existence of DID at all and place it as a phenomenon created by psychiatry, i’m aware that some people with DID contest the existence of iatrogenic systems... it’s all very complicated.

if you ask this (iteration of?) me, self-determination is just as important as any external determination. people only self-determine, self-identify, self-label, self-categorize, because it helps them in some way. maybe not always a “healthy” kind of helping! but there are many stages of unhealth on the way to health, and health is extremely variable in presentation, so, who am i to speak against anyone’s identity and feelings of health, including my own? 

oh, boy, yeah, it’s confusing. 

my hypothesis (a bad one, because it’s untestable) is that this brain/body was already predisposed to strong emotions, “vivid imagination,” and a propensity for gathering information and making connections. it then went through a duration of traumatic experiences, and had to Really Use those functions in order to make sense of the experiences in order to survive (and ideally, Live). these factors in combination result in a brain that unconsciously went about creating compartments and structures that would eventually help the entire bodily unit understand some things about itself and Other People(tm)?

for the purposes of this post, one of those things being, of course there can be multiple, long-standing, truly discrete Selves within one body. and, of course there can be One Self in a body. and of course, there are many states in between.

uh, back to the concept of an engine, that’s useful for this thought exercise again, very imperfect, but useful to me.

so, lots of people are going to understand an engine as An Engine. it’s one functional unit. they don’t even know the names of the parts inside it, it’s just, An Engine.

me? baffled by engines. there are so many parts, and i’m always like, well, how does that bit work? isn’t that a separate machine? aren’t these loads of separate machines, with separate functions, that exist and perform independently, but also together? not exactly missing the point of the engine, but tending to look on a smaller scale...? so, yes, like, i understand, you put them together and it’s An Engine, it drives the car. but... that’s (also) a system. every engine can be regarded as a system. 

so, by my logic, what really matters is... well, whose engine is it, and how/on what level do they best understand it, how can you get it to drive the car as smoothly as possible? meaning, every brain is an engine (one Unit), or a system (many Parts). it depends how hard you look at it, and what helps you or the other person understand how best to make it function in harmony with the body it’s sat in. 

i mean... well. shy and tentative as ever, but i can talk about some of the other people in here. but it’s my blog. it has to stay that way. but i’m coming to realize i kind of need these guys for Happy Independent Functioning, even if i can’t talk about them everywhere.

mark has been around for YEARS. it has not always been a good relationship. he is a troublesome bastard. he says shit that absolutely embarrasses the hell out of me. he is RUDE. freaky bastard. he’s kind of a capitalist. Fake Posh (he is insecure about his scumminess). i hate him but i live with him and he’s not awful, even he thinks jeff bezos is a hoarding twat. and yeah, he doesn’t yell abuse at me any more, and i don’t yell back, because i Did That and Went Out There and Got Emotional Skills Up In The Brain. he was slower to pick them up than me, but it’s pretty good now. 

amy has also been around for years! less years than mark, but yeah, years now. amy is very bright, she doesn’t really give a shit about School the way i do, she just likes fun things like sunshine and flower crowns and (the idea of) being a Party Girl. she’s never even been a douche to me like That Other Bastard, Mark Fuckdick Mcgee. i hate him, lovingly, hatefully, etc etc. oh bastard fuck, fine, i’m in love with him now, gayly, and it’s embarrassing. disgusting man.

BUT YEAH back to amy. i’m aware i’ve found that in practice, parties like That are bodily sensory overload. so, yes, the nightclub Exists In The Mind. but yh... when amy showed up, she was Miles better than me at like, emotional support, comforting stuff? took me to an ATM i was like, beyond terrified of going to, lmao. i... suppose she trusted and integrated some experiences of positive, healthy interaction that i was still Super Suspicious of at that point?

like... yeah. in practice, shit, i run this operation, i’m realizing i’m kind of a control freak about understanding my brain/body, communicating things about it (and in general) effectively, and Getting It To Work BETTER (i.e. happier, more independently). it requires lots of thinking and lots of feeling and lots of practice, particularly in the art of When To Just Let Shit Go, which... well. these two help me with that, when i’m not able to help myself, usually because i got myself stuck in a thought loop.

there are others! dormant, or predominantly living in the world(s) within. also... well, it’s like, Younger Mes, that still exist, that can be triggered out in dire circumstances, but it’s best to let them rest. 

yes. well. i think very hard. maybe too hard, in some opinions, but exactly as hard as i need to think to reach a place of improved understanding and contentment. 

neurodivergence Wack.

[witchqueenofthemoon]

BODY AND SOUL Part 30 (Duncan Shepherd/Mackenzie Stone Millory AU)

BODY AND SOUL MASTERPOST

Author’s Note: I finished this chapter a few days ago but I’m hard at work on 31, hence me taking my time on getting it up. I appreciate my Duckenzies more than I can say, but it’s important for me to remind myself that this fic is, primarily, for me and my own fulfillment and happiness. I started it because I couldn’t find anything like it in the world and it was what I wanted to read. But don’t worry. I’m going to share everything with y’all to the end. I’m just really wrapped up in actually WORKING on it, you know? A reminder that this is Kenzie’s dress in this part, this is Duncan’s shirt. The first song Kenzie finds on the radio is Halsey’s HEAVEN IN HIDING, a song so wildly Duckenzie it took my breath the fuck away the first time I heard it, the second song is Halsey’s YOUNG GOD, which is also very Duckenzie. I decided to discard most of the canon scene from HOUSE OF CARDS where Duncan discusses his mother with Annette (mostly because I wanted Bill to be dead by the time they got back from the cabin); the only thing I really retained is her “from the moment I saw you...” dialogue. My!Duncan’s birth mother Valerie is a Connie Britton/Vivien Harmon AU, and rather than working for Annette as a cleaning lady (like the HoC canon), I made her a woman Annette only knew in passing. Duncan’s real father in my story is an unnamed Evan Peters/Tate AU. It was important to me to emphasize that Duncan hasn’t really changed as a person, rather the moral compass was in him all along and he’s chosen not to ignore it anymore. We all have a spectrum of morality in us, one that we choose from daily. Duncan’s soul is endlessly redeemable because his nature, like all of us, is determined by his choices. Annette calls her “Kenzie” for the first time in this chapter, and Duncan calls Madeline “Momby”; cue tears from me. I’m obsessed with the rose choker, so Duckenzie are obsessed with it too, and now it’s become an integral part of their sex life, more than any of their other toys. The young reporter who speaks to Kenzie is my own character; a bright young soul touched by the love she can see in Duckenzie, nothing more, nothing less (I may have thought of my sweet Diah @surprisebitchwrites a little bit for her, ngl). Kenzie and Duncan see the Triple Goddess this time because every time they fuck their sex is legitimately a holy act; sacred, and they’re waking up to that. If you’re reading this fic, please like and reblog the masterpost and the individual chapters--it helps people find my story because tumblr’s tags are so fucking broken and awful. Shout out to @goddess-of-inferno who has made not one but TWO Duckenzie moodboards over the past week, here and here. Jaz, you are an angel. When I finish the fic I’m going to make a masterpage for all the edits my Duckenzies have done for the fic, because I love and appreciate them all so fucking much and want any future Duckenzie fans to be able to find them. I love you all.

Duncan had gone downstairs to wake Rosemary a half hour later. Kenzie had been reading to him still for a little while, a story called The Rose Garden from the book of M.R. James ghost stories, and had been delighting over his squirms of discomfort.

“I love how easily you get scared,” she had murmured up to his mouth, and he gave her a look of affectionate annoyance, which softened immediately at her next words, “because you grab onto me and hold me so tightly and bury your face on me--” which Duncan proceeded to do, egged on, happy to please her. Kenzie had glanced over his shoulder to the clock on one of the laurel-adorned mantels a moment later, and noticed it was past midnight. The smell of the fire pit was still drifting inside, the night without darker than yesterday, the sky peppered with thick clouds. When Duncan had come back upstairs, Kenzie’s eyes on him half-lidded in sleep, he’d had a note clutched in one hand, written out on Shepherd-crest monogrammed note-paper.

“She’s gone, Kenz,” he’d whispered, reaching it out to her. Kenzie sat up, gazing down at it, a sudden sadness pressing on her. She could tell by Duncan’s eyes that he was too--we loved her immediately, entirely.

High Princess and Evening Star,

I’m needed back in New Orleans. The Goddess has new work for me to do (such is the life of her seers). I expect a wedding invitation. Come see me sometime on the bayou. I took the rest of that good blue-strain, Duncan. I’m sure you don’t mind.

Rosemary Antigone Delacroix

Below this she’d left an address on the Vieux Carre. “That’s a beautiful area,” Duncan said, sliding back onto the bed. “This gives us an excuse to go to New Orleans, anyhow.”

Kenzie was falling back into the pillow, her eyes drifting closed. She felt warm, tingling vibrations all over her body, as if she had been submerged in warm water for the second time that night; she felt the cloudy hand of sleep pressing down.

“Come here, Dunny, turn the light off,” she whispered, and she watched the shadows under her eyelids as he leaned to the lamp; then the room was dark and his arms were coming around her, his lips cupping against her cheek.

“I feel like we owe her a lot more than a quarter of an ounce of weed,” she whispered to him, aching with relief at the feeling of his large body enveloping hers.

“We definitely do,” he murmured into her ear, the soft tickle of his breath making Kenzie shiver and smile, burrowing down against him, his hand catching hold of her breast. “I wonder what she does for a living. Maybe she’d accept a position in the company.”

“Something tells me she’s probably not interested in corporate life...” Kenzie murmured, her words bleeding out into unintelligible mumbling. Before she drifted into a dream, she heard his reply.

“I don’t think I’m interested in corporate life anymore, either, Kenz.”

And then she was asleep.

In the dream she had, she was her other self. The one with white-gold hair that fell to her knees, and clothing made of fabrics that did not exist on earth, and she was staring out over a vast expanse of clouds in dusky colors that she couldn’t quite remember the names for--they were more iridescent, more obtuse, ever-changing, miraculous in their design. The colors of heaven. There were plants growing all around her, but she didn’t recognize any of them; they too were in colors that seemed too lovely to match anything she knew, in shapes that on earth would have been impossible, some in a soft gold that was more like an emotion than a tangible object.

Blessed one, she heard a voice call behind her; the language it spoke wasn’t English, but she knew what it said all the same--and she knew the voice, the sound of it like perfect nectar. Exalted of the pantheon of all beauty, all goodness, all brightness, all marvels. Please bless me. Look upon me, and give me your blessing. I have ached for you. My soul has been wracked with your multitude.

In the dream, she turned; her eyes, clear with a sight that no human could achieve, could make out every detail of that Duncan’s fair face, the marvelous strands of his golden hair, the piercing, eternal depth of his eyes. There was some kind of blade or long stick at his back; she could see the dip of it above the silvery circlet of leaves and tiny flowers around his head. Leaves made of silver; but, maybe not silver. That doesn’t look like any silver I’ve ever seen. It seems much softer. The blade pulsed with an bluish energy like fire, a force that flickered, seemed to shift between the place they were and another place. As blue as the nebulas in his eyes; for they are inextricably connected.

Flame of the Evening Star, she thought, and knew that’s what it was called; and that it was holy, gifted to him by Her, the triple-faced Goddess, The Fates, and that it protected him and it protected her, too, in this strange garden, and for that, Kenzie was infinitely grateful, her emotion deeper than the dream, further, consuming, immense. She knew I would love him. She wrote the Law so that I could always be with him--that never long would he suffer in my sight, that if taken by Darkness, as he was in That Other Place, when he became that dark self, Michael, as Rosemary called him, I would be able to save him still, my power greater, my will unshakable. My will to love him always; to redeem him, always. And so it is.

The dream, after that, she couldn’t remember when she woke; but she knew she was with him, in it, and that they were full of joy.

When she opened her eyes she knew it was early still from the light, and was glad for that; as lovely as it had been to sleep into the day yesterday in Duncan’s arms, she’d been sad to lose the time, sad to not be conscious of this wonderful place as long as she could be. Kenzie Lou, go get some flowers. Flowers for the bed at home, flowers for the housekeepers who work so hard, flowers for Momby, Clairebear, Candice, Samuel, Harris, Anchaly, and yes, flowers for Annette too, Annette whose heart is broken because you know, as Rosemary told you, that her brother is dead, ushering in the new world. Those flowers are special, the ones that grow inside the black oaks, and they are your blessing for the ones you love, flowers touched by the universe, as you are Duncan’s flower, bringing him your light. As the destiny of this world has shifted towards fortune, those flowers will signify the change.

Kenzie turned, sliding carefully out of Duncan’s arms, lips brushing his cheek. She wondered, sunlight dappling the bed as she watched him, if he’d had the same dream. I think so. I think we were together. It felt like we were, but I just can’t remember. She sat still on the sheets, breathing in and out, watching him; wanting to press her lips against his heart, the bump of his throat, the shivering delicacy of his eyelashes.

Soon to be my husband, but I feel like he already is. Getting married, having a wedding; that’s for our families, our friends. We’re already married, aren’t we? We have been for a very long time. We’ve been tied with an unbreakable bond for immeasurable time. Kenzie reached out, her fingers almost brushing his russet-caramel hair, but stopped, afraid to wake him, afraid to disturb the shrouded halo the sun was making along his forehead. She saw the silvery leaves and flowers there again--thought of the purple alyssum crushed under his curls.

If he woke when she was in the black oaks, she knew he would be able to find her if he looked for her. The way you found me at the Gala, with your mind. The thread between us. Your power, my power. Always together.

Kenzie slid out of the bed quietly and got dressed--slipped the little white mini dress over her head, cool against her flushed skin, clasping her rose quartz stone (love love love) around her neck and pulling on her hiking boots. She could feel the heat of the day strongly already, the scent of the fire’s ashes drifting in the morning air through the window--as they had slept Duncan had pushed the blanket off himself so it hovered right above his groin, his body turned to the side, the roundness of his ass just visible above the sheet. Kenzie looked down the incline of his body, the rise of his hip, the fine hair trailing down his abdomen from his belly button, the perfect jut of his sharp jaw, the fullness of his lips, open just a whisper. His stomach was virtually hairless, the tiny hairs on his chest barely visible from where she stood, and one of his arms drifted over the spot where she had been a moment ago, the other under her pillow. Like a painting, she thought again. Adonis in marble. Endymion sleeps, and I, the moon, busy with my task, watch him in longing. She thought of the desire he’d spoken of to her to commission a painting of them together. High Princess and Evening Star, she thought, and shivered despite the heat.

Kenzie made her way downstairs and to the kitchen--and a little later, she had an apple and a handful of blackberries in her hands as she used her elbow to open the sliding door. The smell of the fire pit’s ashes drifted over to her again, and she glanced to the lake. Wish we could stay forever, she thought again, its surface reflected blue from the clouded sky. The ducks were nowhere to be seen and the surface seemed like a sheet of some strange, unbroken alloy. Soft silver. Kenzie made her way down the path to the line of trees at the forest’s edge, stepping through them with a careful, quiet pace. Bill Shepherd is dead, she thought. Duncan is the heir to all of Shepherd Unlimited. Almost 20 billion dollars. I can’t even begin to fathom that much money.

She was at the bridge now; the day was rising, the light deepening, and the sun was beginning to burst over the edge of the world, dappling through the trees with insistent strength. I’ll come no matter what, it seemed to tell her. I’ll shine down on you and the one you love through everything, in every time, every age, every passing storm. As I am constant, so are you. So is every living thing. One day, when you return to Her, you’ll see. It’s never really the end.

The blackberries were wonderfully sweet on her tongue, and Kenzie felt awash in emotion--in the state of being alive at all. I always suspected, believed, that there were beautiful things in the world, things beyond description in their beauty, and she moved to the edge of the black oaks as she approached them, their immense, quiet trunks knowing, ancient, and present. She touched the craggy bark of the one closest to her, her hand stained with a smear of purplish juice, and Kenzie knew, in the deepest depth of her heart, that the Goddess was here; She is in everything. In the sun, the berries I ate, every star that exploded above us, the fire that Duncan made from the energy of his own body, and she made him, with his eyes like the depth of cerulean sky, the delicate mastery of his face, his hair like the softest leaves touched by the chilly winds of an autumn soon to come, and his hands, the epitome of the ecstasy of all human touch to me, the sweet-tempered truth of his heart, the physical proof of his goodness, to me--and when he touches me, I feel all his love flow through him into me, the tips of his fingers each an invocation of his love.

It’s time to write my book. I need to write it down. I need to find the words to describe what it’s like to be loved this way. There are more things we have to do, and she knew that with assurity, and those things have to do with the company, with having these tools now to cause serious change, but me--Goddess, I feel it--I have to write something. That’s what I’m supposed to do, by myself, with all the beautiful things that have happened, and all the beautiful things he’s said to me, the way he’s given his whole soul to me as I’ve given mine to him. I have to find the words. I have to try.

She stepped inside the circle, the flowers in their impossibly intricate spirals as ever (forever), their colors drifting into her hands, petals trailing through her fingers, the softest embrace, and it dawned on her, the way the sun was dawning on the land now, kissing the oaks good morning, the way the world was waking up. I have to do this. I have to make it clear that this love is possible. That not only is it possible, but that it exists in everything, and it will heal everything. That love can heal everything. That it’s the only thing. I have to share this love with the world. It won’t be diminished by the sharing. It never becomes smaller, it can’t. It only grows, and the more I speak of it, the more I take it into myself, the more I have to give to him, the more gold I have to give to everything. To everyone. In its immensity, unending, is the divine. Inside it is the universe.

Kenzie’s thoughts quieted, as if Duncan’s hands had come around her, as if Momby’s had, as if Claire was holding her in a quiet place when she had cried as a young girl. I feel You here. Three-faced. Soft as the summer rain. Quiet as the night wind. Vast as a thousand oceans. Your beauty terrible, like the storm. Your beauty moving beyond every flower, every green growing thing. Your beauty in everything. Your mercy in everything. Your eyes are the stars and they see every tiny thing. Your body, your sex is the plains and the forest, the mountains, the water, the face of the deep. You’ve always been with me--as you’ve always been with him. And now he’s awake to You. Now, he can see You, too. Love has opened his eyes. Oh, Goddess.

And Kenzie gathered flowers in her arms, the sweet alyssum, the goldenrod staining her fingers with yellow, the asters with centers like tiny starbursts, her hair dipping down in a wave of gold in the bursting sunrise. It dried her tears, soothed on her skin, and in that quiet place, hidden from everything in the world but the eyes of Fate, Kenzie wondered at the far-reaching hand of all meaning, at the winding path that had led her here, intricate and unshakable. She thought of The Youth of Bacchus, its revelers, their smooth bare skin, the joy of being alive, and knew the Goddess was in that, inside joy. She thought of Evening Mood, the Goddess there on the sea, and Star of Heaven, where the Goddess was in every bright sphere, of Athena, Dike, and Nike, in Duncan’s penthouse living room, three faces, three aspects, and so She’s been there with him all along, moving him to where I would be. And she thought of Duncan.

I love him.

----------

As Kenzie emerged from the line of the forest, her arms bursting with the wildflowers (and no matter how many I took there never seemed to be less, as if they grew again immediately as I plucked them), she saw Duncan coming towards her from the deck, two coffee cups in his hands. He saw her, and his smile threw crushed petals into her heart. Hi, baby.

They reached each other and he leaned to kiss her, the coffee and his woodsy smell falling down, the richness of the flowers drifting up. He was wearing the feathery shirt she had liked so much when she saw it hanging in his closet--it gave him a soft glow that melted at her heart. My soft Evening Star.

“You look so fucking lovely,” he breathed. “Persephone, marry me.”

She grinned. “I already said yes.”

“I’ll ask you every fucking day, I don’t care.” His eyes, the curving space of his mouth. She cocked her head towards the deck, moving ahead of him, the sun warm on her skin now, in the open air. Tingling in anticipation of his touch. She could feel the weight of him, the height of him coming up behind her as she laid the flowers out on the deck table, then turned to him and grasped one of the coffee cups from his hand.

“Thanks, baby,” she whispered, and leaned to kiss him again. A lock of his hair had fallen over his forehead, as was its way; she reached her fingers up to brush them against it, softly, and watched the way his eyes closed, almost involuntary, at her touch.

“My uncle’s dead. I had a dream this morning about him. He was in a boat on the lake,” here Duncan gestured to the calm water past the gazebo, yards off. ”He started at the shore, and as he drifted out into the water, he turned back to me where I was watching him from the dock. He didn’t say anything, but his eyes were--they were different. They were sad, and relieved. To die.” His eyes stayed closed--she could feel the muddled pain, relief, and confusion of his feelings. Kenzie’s hand drifted down his cheek.

“I know, baby. I feel it too. I think--I’m going to give Candice my resignation when we get back. I think--when I was in the circle this time, I felt--that it’s time. For me to write my book. And for us to change things. The way Rosemary said we’re meant to.”

“I think we have to go back today, Kenzie.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry we couldn’t be here for longer. We can come back soon--we can bring Claire and Momby. We could go to the beach house again. We can go anywhere you want. But I think right now it’s--it’s time baby, you know?”

Kenzie reached up to hold his cheeks, heart aching.

“Baby, you don’t have to explain. I love you so much,” and she felt her lip trembling, her voice cracking, his expression falling into terrible tenderness as his arms came around her. “The time we had here was so beautiful--so beyond anything I could have imagined--”

And he was silencing her words with a kiss that she knew was another entreating plea; she could feel the warmth of it settling through her senses, the absolute constancy of him as his mouth savored her. Marry me, Miss Stone. Be my wife in this life. As you were long ago. As you’ve been for a thousand years. Oh, fuck. Baby. Angel. High Princess, goddess of my heart. How many times have I held you, and yet it’s never, ever enough. You are heaven in my arms. Marry me, Kenzie. I’ll build a shelter of flowers for you that will never die.

Yes I will yes, she thought, and their thoughts held each other, irrevocably, with a closeness that was almost unbearable to her senses; their souls holding each other, his fierce, beautiful blue lost inside the velvet hold of her gold, locking together with an intricate orchestration, a perfect harmony that was a outpouring of immense light, like a wound of exquisite pain, a colossal melding of time and space, of a moment, extended for them alone--

Yes I will yes my love yes I will my radiant love hold me in the flowering halo of your arms because I will yes I will I love you Duncan I love you like the rain like the stars like the roses that bloomed when I saw your soul for the first time I will so kiss me, kiss me, soul of my soul, body of my body, because yes, I will...

-----------

They’d gone out on the lake for a little while that morning before leaving.

A half hour before, over her coffee and buttery toast with a perfectly sliced grapefruit Duncan had brought her, Kenzie had divided the wildflowers into bunches; one for each of the people we love so much. She knew innately as she touched them, arranging them carefully, that they were not ordinary flowers; their power felt like an electrical current through her fingers. These flowers will be the fortune of the Goddess unto them. And they won’t die for a long time. I know that too. She gathered one bunch, lots of the purple alyssum with goldenrods in the center, especially to display in the penthouse. These will go over our bed among the roses and peonies. It will always remind us of when we found out about our true selves. When our eyes were opened to our destiny.

As she did this, Duncan had been weaving stray, tiny alyssums in pink, purple and white through the golden fall of her hair. He’d brushed it out in the sunlight for her, an achingly tender act that had made her want to cry, though she held the tears away. Hades opens, a blue flower of infinite depth, in the eyes of his Persephone. His thoughts drifted, full of the imagery of them as the Lord of the Underworld, the Goddess of Spring. Kenzie was moved again by how beautiful it was to be inside his mind; the loveliness of his inner world, the exquisite details of his imagination. Inside you I see the universe, Duncan. Inside you is every kind of beauty.

When they went on the lake in the little canoe, the sun dipped behind a cloud. Kenzie stared at Duncan as he rowed them out onto the water, the sinewy strength in his arms, the fall of his hair, the dip of skin below his open collar. Your soul is at peace here, your body relaxed, your mind beautiful with ease. She leaned back, knowing he was admiring her too, smiling at him. The water was drifting in small winds, but the canoe was surprisingly still. Or maybe it’s us, she thought across to him. Maybe we are the stillness. Our love the constant thing.

We are. To love you is to feel the greatness of the eye of the storm, Mackenzie Stone.

They hadn’t spoken in words out on the water, rather Kenzie had let the meandering patterns of her thoughts and feelings fall against him, and she felt his, reaching for his hand, the Cartier bracelet falling down her arm, their fingers twining with delicate, slow curiosity.

I know what to do, baby, he had thought. We’re going to change the production companies. We’re going to build gardens on the rooftops of every building the company owns, and buy land to preserve the forests and natural resources. We’re going to produce solar panels for every building in DC. We’re going to fund projects with the Foundation that will change the hearts of people who have been living in darkness, build protections for those living in need. It’s just the beginning. I have this incredible feeling; like we’re going to be able to do things no one has ever dreamed of. I’m going to go to Claire Underwood again and speak with her, Come with me. Talk to me with her. And I know...this time I can feel it...it’ll be different. She’ll see the sincerity in our hearts. And she’ll feel it too. We’re going to do this, Kenzie. It’s in motion. Oh, goddess. I feel it like a wave. It’s so much. It’s beautiful.

Kenzie had nodded, clutching his hand, looking into his sky-colored eyes, and she had known, too. Annette’s heart has changed--it’s changing--in light of our love, and the death of her brother, which has shaken her deeply. She loves you Duncan, and she, in her way, loves me now, too. She’ll find peace inside letting go of her need for control. And she’ll find family with us--a real family. One of real love. But first you have to go to her, baby. You have to go to her and talk to her, and forgive her.

Duncan looked at her, squinting against the sun peeking out from behind its cloudy bed; there were tears in his eyes, making them glisten like twin sapphires. I know you’re right, angel baby. And I will.

“I think it’s time for us to go back, baby,” he whispered, and Kenzie bit her lip at the resolute longing in his eyes. To have been alone with you this way has been the purest happiness for me. His thoughts were drifting in nostalgia; wishing to turn back the hours to their time under the stars, in the coppery tub last night, or dancing beside the fire, watching her swim in the lake on the dockside, fucking in the big, soft golden bed or in their holy circle of oaks, the way she read to him as he rubbed her feet. To be alone with you is my home.

“We’ll go live in the garden house all summer long next year, baby, for months,” Kenzie whispered, reaching for his other hand. She knelt in the boat’s shallow bottom, slowly, achingly, between his thighs, clutching his fingers tightly. Duncan brought his legs together, wrapping them around her, pulling her against him, his mouth falling against her chin. “We won’t come back until every autumn leaf falls and every flower in our garden dies. We’ll eat the fruits and vegetables we grow and I’ll put a hundred flowers in every room of the house--”

“Every flower reminds me of you, High Princess,” he murmured against her, and Kenzie shivered in the building heat. High Princess. That was me, once. Rosemary said it will be again someday. It’s beyond anything I could ever imagine. But it’s not a dream. I know, I know, I know it’s not a dream. Anymore than you are, beloved. “And even when we die we’ll be born again and find each other again--oh, god, Kenzie, baby--”

“I know, I know--”

It’s almost too beautiful to bear. You are. We are. This love moves beyond time; nothing can destroy us. Nothing can keep us apart. Oh, sweet beloved, dearest love.

His hands fell through her hair, his eyes gazing into her, and his mouth hovered close to her, brushing with unbearable softness at her nose, the slip of skin above her lips, the dip of her chin below--and then, finally, on her mouth, pulling her to crush against him, and his scent was the forest, the earth, the fire, blue, sweet smoke, tie us back together, keep me here against you always, in the hallowed place of your protection, my Evening Star, fairest of all the holy Princes. How my heart must have sung when first I beheld you, and knew you were forever mine.

--------

“I want to put Cupid and Psyche in the garden house when we find it, baby,” Kenzie murmured as she came up behind Duncan, who was loading their suitcases into the the G-Class with a careful heave. They’d gathered everything else into the rear trunk and the backseat. The afternoon was drawing hotly around them--she could see the thin sweat stain along the back of Duncan’s shirt--and Kenzie knew they wouldn’t get to the city until the light had begun to fall; the heat was at its zenith now, and they would drive through it back to DC. “Can we do that? I love it so much. The tiny flowers in Cupid’s hair...like you laying in the flowers in the circle--”

Duncan turned to her, grasping her tightly in his achingly warm hands, catching her lips in his hot, needy kiss--he tasted like some low, lustful fruit, his tongue sweet and demanding. And it makes me want you so fucking bad, he thought. It’s got magick too, magick from us and this place. Kiss me, angel. I beg you to please kiss me and never stop kissing me--but Kenzie was wriggling out of his grip, laughing. Gonna make you beg for it, you know how I can do that, you know how I can make you beg, fairest of all the holy Princes. Her skin was flushed and she shivered at his eyes, the way his body turned to her as she stepped away, his movements full of desperate desire.

Kenzie tried to ignore the look he gave her, the thoughts crashing against her out of his sky-kissed eyes, snatching her breath away (fuck me sweetness fuck me and choke me and put your little fingers in my mouth, press your honeyed clit into my mouth, the nectar of your flushed skin oh god this heat I wanna bend you over and fuck you fuck you fuck you beloved most beautiful of all my golden goddess loveliest in the eyes of heaven and my eyes let me worship you I pray) and pulled her little iPhone in its golden case out of her convertible bag, slung over her shoulder, sliding her round sunglasses over her eyes. Don’t look at me that way, and don’t think at me that way either, baby, behave. Fuck, stop, I can’t stand it. Her body was vibrating with him, the crimson-cerulean tide of his imaginings. Three hours in the car and I’m gonna think about how much I wanna fuck my baby the whole time, and he smiled at her, biting into his lip, bringing his hand up to his jaw to brush it there, distracted in her.

You are the most beautiful boy I have ever seen, but you bow to me, bow to me, bow to me, my sweet soon-to-be-husband, the fairest prince of heaven and you bow to me.

Duncan was stepping toward her again from where she had slipped away, his movements slow and deliberate, his sunglasses hanging lazily from his hand, the Cartier gold on his wrist glinting at her. He dipped his head down to her, hands drifting near her bare shoulders. She could feel him thinking about the rose choker, his eyes on her neck, about the sheer white lingerie, his mouth closed around her breast and the tulle, about the plug glittering in the low bedroom light, the glistening line of drool that had fallen from her mouth...

“I’m scared to turn this back on,” she whispered to him, looking down from him to her phone, blushing furiously, and his smile drifted from desire into wistfulness at that. His hand reached for hers, soft, comforting. “I wish we could just throw them away,” he replied.

Kenzie gripped his long pinky and ring finger in her fist, feeling the blue of him, his thoughts. Me too, angel baby. I don’t want to go back. I wanna run away with you. Back in time, to that place where we were together for eons, in perfect love and happiness. Oh, goddess. I can’t begin to imagine how beautiful it was. He hesitated, hand coming up through his hair--then his words drifted against her in the heat, their sweetness cooling her skin.

“I know, baby. I wish we could just stay here and hide from the world forever. It was so short. I’m sorry for that. I wanted--wanted it to be longer. But it was perfect, wasn’t it? It was like our day at the beach. It’s a perfect memory now.”

“Everything with you is a perfect memory,” Kenzie lifted her chin, keeping her head perfectly still as Duncan brushed her hair from her shoulder, and for a little while they stood there in the graveled drive of the cabin’s entryway, the heat a heavy, silent cocoon; Kenzie thought of Rosemary, arriving in her glorious violet aura, the lake and the stars, the oak circle, the magic in their fingertips. And of Duncan--Sword of the Evening Star, divine too, baby--and tried to fathom the depth of everything they’d experienced since that night, just a few short weeks ago, when she glimpsed him staring at her with a burning fire in his ocean-colored eyes, had let him, infamous, handsome heir to a billion-dollar company, buy her an old fashioned on a rosy balcony. But that was Fate, she knew now. Nothing so beautiful could be luck. Nothing so perfect, so right, could be chance. You were ever mine.

The moment broke apart, fragmented, as a breeze fell over Duncan’s hair and he blinked it away, bringing her out of his eyes, back into the heat. She heard a loon out on the lake somewhere again; a farewell call to them; until we meet again on this other side of time.

“I think it’s time to go,” he said softly. And she knew he was right. Goddess speed us on, help us know what is best, most right. I can feel you with me now. I can feel the halo you gave me so long ago, the one Duncan can see sometimes. I know you’re there now. I can feel You.

She nodded to him. “Let’s go, baby.” Let’s go save the world. Let’s get married, surrounded by a thousand flowers. Let’s go talk to the president and change the company and people’s hearts and scatter this light on everything, a thousand stars tossed over the whole world.

Duncan stepped to the passenger’s side, opening the door for her and grasping her hand tightly for a moment, eyes burning (I know you feel Her too now, that holy sword you once held), helping her inside. He shut the door behind her and Kenzie sat in the silence for a breath as he walked around to the other side; she let the breath out as he got into the driver’s seat, his sunglasses on his nose now, and hit the power button on the side of her phone as he clicked his seatbelt into place, glancing over to her.

“Duncan. I have the weirdest feeling. Rosemary said when we got back the world would be...different.”

“I feel it too, Kenz. Like an earthquake in the air.” Duncan hit the smart key and the G-Class roared into smooth life, the air conditioner blasting immediately into Kenzie’s face, cooling her hot cheeks. He reversed the SUV as she squinted in apprehension down at her phone screen--the apple logo flashed there for a long moment--then her lock screen came up, Duncan’s face in the silver circlet from the Esquire shoot turned up to her. She hesitated for a moment, her finger hovering over the home button; then she looked up, flipping the knob on the stereo as Duncan accelerated the car on the long gravel driveway towards Lakeside Trail. She flipped through the Sirius XM channels for a moment, then stopped at one called Venus as she heard a soothing electronic melody bleeding into a rhythmic beat and an elegant feminine voice singing out eagerly--

Sitting on the counter in your kitchen, can you hear my heartbeat, fuckin’ kickin’, your eyes light up cuz you best believe that I got somethin’ up my sleeve, I walk my talk no time for wishful thinkin’

Sounds familiar, Kenzie thought, glancing to Duncan; he looked back at her, his long hands drifting easily on the steering wheel, and though she couldn’t see his eyes clearly from behind his dark Yves sunglasses, she saw the heady loveliness of his smile and could feel his agreement. Remember that? Let’s do that again, baby love. Let’s fuck on the counter again, divine angel.

Kenzie grinned, bringing her hand up to cover her teeth, biting into her palm. Fuck. We should. Why don’t you lean me over that smooth, achingly black obsidian at home and fuck me senseless, Evening Star. We haven’t done that yet. She could smell the dozens of bunches of wildflowers in the backseat cascading forward, the one bunch of roses tucked in among them; the roses had already begun to fade, but Kenzie knew they’d hang with the others over their bed. Our altar. Where we worship each other endlessly.

And when you start to feel the rush, a crimson headache, aching blush, and you surrender to the touch you’ll know, I can put on a show, I can put on a show--

She giggled to hear his groan; his hand drifted over to her thigh, riding up the tiny white dress as she went back to her phone, her heart aching between her breasts, the space between her legs tingling. She raised her phone to her eyes again--

Don’t you see what you’re finding, this is heaven in hiding

--but now Kenzie saw, heart leaping into her mouth, the long line of text messages that had popped up on the lock screen. Oh, fuck. We must have been out of range for a minute. She thumbed her password in (her birthday, 0717), whispering under her breath. “Fuck fuck fuck.”

“Kenz, what’s wrong?”

“Just--a shitload of texts. Claire. And Momby. And Candice. Annette. Fuck.”

Duncan let out a little groan. “I’m about to just throw my phone out the window and not bother, Kenz.”

Kenzie opened a string of texts from Clairebear. The first was from two nights ago, when Kenzie had texted her before the Gala. The music pounded in her ears as she read it. Oh this is heaven in hiding, this is heaven in hiding, ‘cause I’m heaven in hiding

Clairebear: Kenzie Lou, you both look so GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL, I’m fucking crying. I just saw the photo you took now because alkgdlghflgdlsg Harris stayed over last night. OH MY GOD KENZIE OH MY GODDDDD

Kenzie grinned at this. “Well, some good news,” she said to Duncan, who glanced at her, raising his eyebrows as they drifted onto the highway, the lake, dappled in the sun, disappearing past Kenzie’s window. “Claire and Harris are officially a Thing.”

“Fuck,” he laughed a little, “that is good news. I love that.”

Kenzie looked back down at her phone. There were several texts after, each with a sort of increasingly manic energy.

Clairebear: God he’s so hot and so tall and so gentle? I guess you probably don’t want too many of the gory details about your bodyguard but HE IS TALL I WILL SAY THAT AGAIN (Kenzie snorted into her hand) and we went to this lovely jazz place and god I love his smile??? Anyway, we’re gonna go out again this coming weekend but that seems so far away, fuck! UGHHHH KENZIEEEEEE

The next one came from a few hours later.

Clairebear: Okay I know you said y’all are kinda going off the grid for a few days so I don’t know when you’ll see this but people are freaking the FUCK out over your Gala photo on Instagram, you have 2.4 million likes??? I checked the number like ten times because that just seemed like a typo to me. But no, you have 2.4 million likes.

An hour later.

Clairebear: Gala press photographer photos went up a few hours ago and you two are on the front page of like literally every fashion website including Vogue.com holy FUCK!!!

Claire had included a link. Kenzie clicked it. The headline read: DUNCAN SHEPHERD AND PARAMOUR MACKENZIE STONE STUN IN DRAMATIC MORGAN WINTHROP GOLD COUTURE FOR SHEPHERD FOUNDATION GALA IN FIRST PUBLIC EVENT TOGETHER. 

Below it was a photo that stole the breath from Kenzie’s lungs: she and Duncan were gazing at each other in it, away from the camera, his head dipped down to her, her chin angled up to him, and the radiant happiness that emanated from both of them in it instantly brought tears to Kenzie’s eyes. Kenzie’s hair fell from her shoulders in a cascade of roses and gold (like a fairy tale, fuck me, Hannah really made it look incredible); her dress shimmered with soft, opulent beauty, perfectly tailored to her small frame, the gold Cartier necklace glinting at her throat. Her expression was soft, joyful, dazed. I look...I look really fucking lovely. That’s me, fuck. That’s me. I look beautiful. Duncan was strikingly tall next to her, his soft curls falling on his forehead, his eyes dark with dramatic shadow, the masculine beauty of his profile clearly outlined. His elegant hands were dipped down to her waist, holding her with tenderness so obvious it made Kenzie feel faint to look at it. The soft painted gold of his blazer was beautifully illuminated. The expression on his face, in his intoxicating eyes, the overjoyed smile playing at his mouth, dug a sharp knife into her heart, through the softest part of her soul; anyone who looked at this would know immediately how much he loves me. Oh my fucking goddess. He looks at ME this way. Only at me. Like I’m the sun. The moon. And every star. The Cartier bracelets on their wrists were visible; she could clearly see the diamonds on hers, same as the bracelet she wore now, scattering a line of stars along her skin there. Everyone who looks at this will notice them too. They’re very distinct, aren’t they; you can tell they’re two parts of one idea--one promise. Me and you, baby.

“Baby, oh my god,” she breathed. “You have to look.”

Duncan jerked the steering wheel smoothly to the right, bringing the G-Class onto the shoulder of the highway, several cars passing them. It drifted to a stop as she leaned over to him, holding her phone up. Duncan slipped his sunglasses down his nose, gazing at it; then he gently pulled her phone out of her hand, his eyes widening. The moment extended--Duncan continued to look at it raptly, his expression going soft and slack in a way that made the tiny hairs on Kenzie’s arms stand up. Then he turned to her, sliding his glasses all the way off now, clutching them in his hand.

“Oh Kenz,” he whispered. “Baby.”

You can see it in this. Us. Our High Destiny.

Kenzie bit into her lip; don’t cry, Kenzie. Don’t cry. Not now. But oh, fuck. Fuck, I love you so much, Duncan. My Evening Star. Your beautiful soul here, so obvious, so brilliant, so sincere, all your gentleness that you’ve hidden for so long, bursting out of you like a thousand colors. I could just die. She reached for him; he pulled her over the center between their seats, crushing her into his arms, his nose and mouth falling into the small space of her neck, her hands clutching together in the warm nook of his chest.

“I love you,” he whispered, his breath shaking on her, his words shivering inside the emotion. “Kenzie. I love you.” There was nothing else he could say--she could feel the tangle of him, the overwhelming wave that rose inside him, fell against her; she gasped at it, its immensity, its warmth, its weight.

To be loved by you is to behold the multitude, and yet to be unafraid of it.

“And I love you,” she whispered against him, and then she gently pushed away from him, bringing her hand up to his cheek to cup it, nodding at him soothingly; his eyes were liquid around a blue ring of fire, and their burning shook her soul and scattered it apart. “I will always love you, Duncan Shepherd. You are the home of my heart. Let’s keep going, baby. We have so much to do now. So much to do. And you need to comfort your mother.”

Duncan took a shuddering breath, clutching onto her hand with a grip that seemed to drain all the blood from her fingers; then he softened his hold on her and slipped the sunglasses back over his eyes, gently sliding her phone back into her palm with reverent hands. Kenzie turned back to it, sending a soothing golden burst over him, as though she were scattering dust against him. Duncan gently pressed the gas pedal, and the G-Class glided back to the road.

Kenzie scrolled down through the article; there were a dozen other photos of them, each one seemingly more lovely than the last; one of them laughing together that made Kenzie grin widely and reach for Duncan’s hand--he gripped her fingers strongly again, his sunglasses shielding the moisture she knew lingered around his eyes. In another Kenzie’s head was turned to the side, probably at a photographer’s behest; Duncan stared at her with adoring awe. In yet another Duncan stared out, forwards, at the camera--and in this one, I’m the one who’s starry-eyed. She looked at herself, her own expression of exquisite adoration. So what. It’s true. I love him...so fucking much. As though it simply can’t be contained inside me--as if it’s everything and everywhere and touches everyone. I’d die for him. My dark blue Evening Star. My Hades, Prince of sweet shadows that I would drown inside of if he willed it. My sweet Endymion, flawless in sleep. My Eros whispering his flowery worship in my ear. The blood of my body, breath in my lungs. She saved several, immediately making the one of them gazing at each other her lock screen--when you’re away I’ll look at this picture and know you are mine for all time, and she tried not to gasp again inside the emotion of it.

“Baby, it’s okay,” Duncan was whispering, his fingers drifting on her hand, eyes on the road. She knew he could feel her, the wild emotion bubbling in her.

“Yes,” she whispered. “More than okay.” She opened the Instagram app, fingers shaking, blowing a breath out in a steady stream. @kenzielouwho. 15 million followers.

No fucking way. No no no fucking way.

“Dunny.”

“Yes, Kenzie.”

“I have 15 million followers on Instagram now...how is that even possible?”

“What.” Duncan jerked the steering wheel in shock, then slid it back quickly to straighten the G-Class. “Fuck.”

“People must--they can feel it. Oh god, Rosemary wasn’t kidding. Remember she said--she said the world would have changed when we got back. I think this is what she meant. That some people would be able to see it; see what’s been hiding inside us. The divinity of us and--who we used to be. In a small way, I think some people can see it now. Those pictures. Her telling us. It’s like it stirred up something in the air.”

“I can fucking see it in those pictures. And it’s me. That’s us.” Another song playing low on the radio now echoed the thoughts whirling in Kenzie’s mind, uncanny, thrilling around her nerves, making her scalp tingle

But do you feel like a young god, you know the two of us are just young gods, and we’ll be flying through the streets with the people underneath and they’ll be running, running, running

That’s it. I’m going to post one. If it can help us with what we need to do--and I feel like it will--I’ll post some photos from the Gala. Kenzie added three of the photos she’d saved from Vogue (the two of them staring at each other, Duncan staring at her while she looked to the side, and her gazing at him with the adoring expression) and added a caption.

It was such a magical night to be with the person I love the most in the universe in @morganwinthrop’s extraordinarily beautiful creations. @duncanshepherd and I have some major announcements coming soon. A special thank you to DUCKENZIEFANS.com and the warmth and love you’ve shown us. With all of you helping us, we will change the world in no time.

Kenzie took a deep breath and hit Share. Then she went to Duncan’s profile. Claire hadn’t been kidding; “the photo you posted of us on the night of the Gala has...over 5 million likes, Duncan. And your profile has 18 million followers.”

“This is insane.” Kenzie noted the worried expression that had creased his face under his glasses now.

“Duncan, we have to just...trust. Trust that this is what is meant to happen. This is all part of it. I--I feel it.”

“We’re going to need a bigger entourage. God, I’ve tried to avoid that for so long. But now that Bill’s dead, there won’t be as much of a buffer between us and the paps. I don’t think Harris is going to be enough.”

Kenzie leaned her elbow on the window’s edge, staring out on the highway.

“Okay. If that’s what we have to do, that’s what we have to do. I’m not going to hide in the penthouse, that’s for sure. People want to see us--if that’s what the Goddess means for us to do, I’m ready.” Kenzie looked back at her phone, feeling a bubbling anxiety from Duncan now. There were more texts from Claire, bleeding into yesterday and then this morning.

Clairebear: Kenzie, this is INSANE.

Seven links followed her text; each one a different piece about their Gala looks from major online fashion and news publications. The articles had a wildly adoring edge to them that made Kenzie’s stomach churn with knots. People can SEE us. It’s sort of frightening--to have this sort of power over other people. I feel so strange. Every article seemed to note the “mysterious” way they disappeared from the event after the photos were taken.

From GQ she read: “Duckenzie whisked through the press area as though they were the ethereal incarnations of a fae king and queen--Oberon and Titania come to strike into the hearts of us poor mortals with gnawing desire--then seemed to disappear into the night, their absence noted almost as quickly as their presence. They did not appear to bless the mortals of earth again at the after party, to our deep dismay. Like Hades and Persephone descending back into the Underworld at the breaking of autumn, it was as though a chill fell on the evening without them, the full moon doubtless gazing down on them in some secluded, secret place of infinite romance the world could not penetrate. Needless to say, to see them again on any red carpet will be a blessing, wherever and whenever it happens. For now, we bask in the beauty of the shots the press pool managed to snatch, like precious raindrops from heaven; good god, wish someone would look at US like that.”

From yesterday, Clairebear: Kenzie, media people are FREAKING OUT wondering where y’all have gone. It’s like you blew some kind of insanity dust on everyone at the Gala and now everyone is HUNGRY for you two. Hope everything’s going okay off the grid, but I’m worried about you, so text me back when you can.

Two hours later, Clairebear: Holy fuck, Kenzie. Bill Shepherd died. Are you two aware? Call me when you can.

Later that day: Clairebear: Vanity Fair just dropped their editorial about you and Duncan and Annette on their website like two weeks in advance of their original publishing date. People are losing their minds over these photos.

This text included a link to the article; as Kenzie opened it, she was shocked--at the top, rather than the photo of them with Annette, was one of the photos of her and Duncan Anna had taken of them by the bourbon roses. Fuck. Kenzie’s head lay gently against Duncan’s tall form, his arms enveloping her in the lacy red dress, her lips dark, eyes liquid and huge. Kenzie couldn’t tell if it was some filter on the photo, but Duncan’s eyes were wildly, beautifully blue, illuminated, and hers seemed lit from within with some kind of lingering golden-green. Both of them stared into the camera, defiant. The photo was a shock of beauty, their tenderness in it like a painting or some heavenly sculpture, but too real, too lovely and earnest; like the Gala photos, you can see all our love in this--you can see our strangeness, too, the other, hidden part of us. It’s mesmerizing. Kenzie saved the photo. This is the one. We should hang this one in the penthouse. It makes my heart ache. It’s us. It’s our Destiny, as though it’s written on our faces here.

And the title of the piece: THE YOUNG ROYALS: Duncan Shepherd and Mackenzie Stone take Shepherd Unlimited to Heavenly New Heights.

“They put the Vanity Fair article up already, Dunny. Two weeks early, I guess, after the news that your uncle passed away yesterday. The Young Royals, they called it.”

Duncan laughed, surprising her. “What? Really? The Young Royals?”

Kenzie nodded. “The photo at the top is one of the two of us, too. Not the one with Annette.”

“Holy shit,” he murmured, glancing over at her. They see it too. Everyone can see it. It’s like a veil was pulled back. “She’s gonna be pissed about that.”

“Something tells me that’s not really going to matter very much from the way the press and everyone online seem to be reacting,” Kenzie said, leaning a hand over to his thigh. He glanced at her again, his smile deep, his affection strongly brushing against her. Keep your hand there, my love.

Baby, I gotta check these messages. There are a LOT.

Who cares. Touch me. I love you.

I will soon, baby. I will. Just be patient.

Kenzie turned back to her phone, sliding her hand away from him reluctantly. One more from Claire, sent this morning.

Clairebear: Fuck, Kenzie, PLEASE text or call me when you get a chance. I think you need to hire a PR person--I’ve started to get incessant calls and emails from people who want to interview me about you, it’s so surreal. Please please please send me a message when you get a chance to let me know you’re okay. All the stuff online is making me so fucking nervous for you. When are you coming back?

Kenzie typed now. Clairebear, we’re on our way back from the lake right now. I had my phone off the past two days, but an unexpected visitor told us about Bill Shepherd. I love you so much. I can’t tell you how happy the news about you and Harris is to me!!! I’ll try to call you later on.

She moved on to the texts from Momby. There were two; one from yesterday, one from today.

Mom: I’m aware you told me there was a chance you’d be unreachable for a few days; so of course that’s when Bill Shepherd decided to kick the bucket. Please give Duncan my condolences and pass along my love to him. But I can’t say I’m particularly sorry to see Bill Shepherd in the ground, and I doubt Duncan is either. I know this is a strange request, but if you can get Annette to come along to my place when we have taco/margarita night when the two of you get back, I would like that very much.

And the one from yesterday.

Mom: Sweet Kenzie Lou, please call me when you see this. The media frenzy happening right now over the two of you is, frankly, alarmingly far beyond anything even I could have imagined, and I can imagine A LOT. I’m concerned about your personal safety. I don’t think you should be going to One Franklin Square anymore without a more extensive security detail.

Kenzie immediately hit the call button in her mother’s contact, turning on the speakerphone so Duncan could hear, turning the stereo down so the music was very low. The phone rang three times; in the middle of the third, Madeline picked up.

“Mackenzie?”

“Hey, Momby. We just saw your messages. My phone’s been off since we left the Gala. Duncan’s here.”

Duncan turned his face toward Kenzie’s iPhone. “Hey, Madeline.”

“Mackenzie Louise, you picked a hell of a time to keep your phone shut off for two days. Ever since they released those photos from the Gala it’s like everyone’s lost their minds. I can see why everyone loves them so much--you look so beautiful in them, both of you, they almost don’t seem real--it’s--odd…” Madeline trailed off, suddenly at a loss for words, it seemed.

“Momby, I’m really sorry you were worried. We really needed some time to ourselves. But we’re on our way back now and--”

“Momby.”

Kenzie’s heart flew into her mouth as Duncan broke in, her beloved nickname for her mother falling from his tongue. The instant sweetness of it made her stomach drop.

“Duncan.” Madeline’s voice was suddenly breathless. “Is that you?”

“Yeah, Momby. It’s me. We want to tell you something. I asked Kenzie to marry me.”

The other end of the phone was silent for a long moment--Kenzie could almost see the shape of her mother’s surprise, the warm flood of her wordless sentiment in the air, despite the distance between them. We’re a long way from you scolding me in the kitchen over the spaghetti pot, aren’t we, Momby. You can see it too. How lovely he is--what was hidden is now on the surface. His gentleness, his sweetness, his goodness, all coming out now, extending out of him like a tidal wave. Momby, I know--isn’t it beautiful? Isn’t he?

Then Madeline finally spoke. “Well? And?”

“I said yes, Momby. Of course I said yes.” Kenzie’s voice tinged with tears, but she was laughing, too. Duncan reached his hand for her, pressing his long fingers into her cheek, hungry for the warmth of her; she could feel it in his touch. His smile was too much; the tears drifted from her eyes. Duncan brought his thumb up to brush them away, his eyes skirting back and forth from the road.

“Well of course you fucking did. Or he wouldn’t be calling me Momby, would he.”

“...Can I call you that, Madeline?”

“Baby, Duncan, you already did. I am your Momby, so why wouldn’t you?”

Duncan fell silent at that; his glasses were still shielding his eyes, but Kenzie felt them burning on her; could feel the tears in them.

“We love you, Momby,” she said quietly.

“As I love both of you. With all of my heart. To the moon and back.”

For a moment, Kenzie contemplated trying to describe any of what Rosemary had told them to her mother; she looked at Duncan, who glanced at her a few times, back and forth from the road. She felt him in her mind; I don’t know, baby. We could try. I wouldn’t even know where to start.

I don’t think so, baby, she thought her reply into him, shimmering and golden. I think maybe it was only for us to know for now. I think maybe it’s a secret we’ll have to keep between us for awhile--maybe for a long time.

I think maybe you’re right, my beautiful Kenzie. I feel like I wouldn’t have words for it anyway. I feel like it’s unspeakable now that Rosemary isn’t here. For now it’s only for us; just me and you. That old life we had in that perfect place. And the one we’ll have again someday, far, far away, in another life.

“So what’s all this about the media and a security detail?” Kenzie spoke in an even voice into her phone again, despite the remnants of tears still on her face. She didn’t want Momby to worry more than she already had.

“I don’t know if either of you have had a chance to look at the internet after your sabbatical, but it seems like all anyone has talked about for two days on every major social media platform is the two of you. First with the Gala photos, and now the ones from Vanity Fair--which are just as beautiful. Something about them really is very uncanny...almost...otherworldly. I’m finding it difficult to describe how they make me feel. You’re my own daughter, Kenzie Lou, and yet I’m really struck by them, too. I guess it’s everything the two of you have been through lately...maybe...but you can really see how much you love each other in them. Even Annette should be able to see it. I can’t imagine not seeing...whatever it is. How bright you both are.”

“Oh, Momby.”

“I agree about a more serious security detail, Momby,” Duncan said, cocking his head towards Kenzie’s phone without looking away from the road. “I’ll be contacting the service later today and requesting additional bodyguards for Kenzie.”

“More bodyguards?” Kenzie balked.

Duncan winced at her a little. “And I think it’s time--I think I’m going to have to finally get one too. Probably more than one.”

“He’s right, Kenzie Lou. May I remind you, you’re going to be a permanent billionaire now.”

Kenzie ignored the last part, her stomach flipping again. “Well--I mean, I did see some of the media stuff. Claire sent me some. Vogue and GQ and a few others.” Kenzie felt too hot, clammy sweat suddenly on her skin. I may be some cosmic space princess, and I know that’s true, but right now I feel horribly human again.

“Kenzie, it’s every major online entertainment publication, and the front page of every paper on the east coast this morning, alongside the news of Bill’s passing. I can’t explain it, but there’s something about those photos of you two. They really--resonated. As far as the public is concerned, you’re the new American royal couple right now. Think Prince William and Kate, but your palace is the penthouse. You know that website, DUCKENZIEFANS.com? They hit a million subscribers yesterday.”

What.

“Madeline, can we do margarita night tomorrow?” Duncan was trying to veer the subject away from the media, Kenzie could feel it. He was on I-70 now; they were halfway home. Wow, we’re making good time. “Oh, also, Claire and Harris, Kenzie’s bodyguard, are officially an item. Can we invite him? I’m so curious to see them together.”

“No kidding,” and Kenzie could hear her mother’s delighted laughter now through the phone. “That’s fucking wonderful. Since I haven’t met him yet, that’s the perfect opportunity. Tomorrow is great. Be careful when you get back. All of DC has been keeping its eyes peeled for you two.”

“We will, Madeline. When we see you I want to talk about our plan moving forward with the company; especially about the new board, which is going to be comprised of all women--women you and Kenzie decide on. I’ll make sure Annette is there. It’s long past time to bury the hatchet between you two, I agree entirely.”

“Guess you knew my thoughts there without me having to say them,” Madeline joked.

He knows mine, Momby, Kenzie thought. He really does know mine. Someday I’ll tell you all about it.

“See you tomorrow night, my moon babies. Be safe. I love you both so very, very much.”

And with that, Madeline hung up before they could reply to her. Kenzie knew, innately, that her mother had felt a sudden urge to cry--and wanted to be alone to do it. Oh, Momby. Kenzie sighed, deeply. Her mind was racing, and yet there was an underlying calm in her that she knew she hadn’t had prior to the past few days.

“I feel like a door inside me’s been opened, Duncan,” she said, softly, going back into her text messages. “Like it’s letting in all this calm strength, and pushing out all the fear I felt before. You know?”

“I know, baby. I know. I feel the same way. Did you get any other messages?”

“One from Candice. She says Ben wants to publish the article he wrote about you now that Bill’s passed, and he’s waiting on your permission. That doesn’t surprise me. He was so anxious to interview you in the first place.”

“Tell her I said yes.”

“Really? Are you sure?”

“Yes, Kenzie. Yes. It’s time. I know you feel it. It’s like everything’s--fuck, I dunno--on a conveyor belt now. Everything’s pushing us forward. I feel like we’re making impossibly good time getting back, even. It seems like we’ve only been driving for an hour or so, but we only have twenty minutes to go to be back in DC, according to the GPS.”

“Really?” Kenzie squinted at it. “Maybe it’s broken.”

“I don’t think so, Kenz. I think it’s--you know. Us. Her. Magick.”

“I think maybe, eventually, we’ll be able to tell a few people about it. Claire. Momby. About our powers, I mean. The people we’re close to. The people we love.”

“I think so, too,” Duncan said quietly.

“But it’s not time yet.”

“I think so. Not yet.”

The calmness I feel from you right now, Kenzie thought, her breath shuddering in her throat, is so beautiful. It’s making me want cry. It feels like you’re holding me.

I am, Kenzie. I’m always holding you. In my mind. In my senses. In my soul. Always. His fingers reached for her again, settling warm and reassuring, on her thigh.

“I love your hands so much,” Kenzie murmured, threading her fingers into his. “I have since the first moment I saw them. I knew I’d love the way you touched me. And I do. I do so much. I love you so much.”

She heard the emotion in his throat as he breathed in, the tears from Madeline’s photo call still evident. “I love you, too. Can you get my phone out of my pocket, Kenz? I think I need to call Annette.” He nodded at the front pocket of the black chinos he was wearing. Kenzie reached her hand into it; Duncan shifted a little to ease the phone out. She brought it into her lap, loving its large, smooth feel in her hand; I love it because it’s yours. She hit the side power button--as the apple logo flashed, she looked at her own phone one more time, at the last unread text on her phone, from Annette.

Annette: Mackenzie, it’s Annette. Can you please ask Duncan to call me when he can? His uncle has passed away. I know he’s very upset with me, but we need to discuss the transfer of the majority share to his name. Bill signed his official Will before he died. Duncan is now the primary owner of Shepherd Unlimited LLC. I love you both. I wish I could have spoken to you at the Gala. You both looked so lovely. The photos of you together moved me very deeply. Please contact me. I’m so deeply sorry.

I love you both. Kenzie read the line again and again. I love you both. I’m so deeply sorry. Rosemary’s words resounded against it in her mind. The world will have changed, will have changed, changed.

And Rosemary meant this too, she knew. Annette’s heart has changed, too.

Duncan’s phone had restarted now; Kenzie made a little involuntary sound of affection in the back of her throat when she saw his lock screen. It was the picture he’d taken of her in the Led Zeppelin shirt, her hair damp, eyes gazing down in serene affection to her sedum morganianum. The first picture he posted of me on his Instagram, she thought. Only a few short weeks ago, but it feels like it’s been ages. Because it has. For us, it’s been forever and always.

“Nice background, baby,” she grinned at him.

“I think so,” and his smile was so sweet and beautiful her heart clenched again. “It’s my favorite picture of you. My baby and her plant baby.” He echoed the caption he’d written for it.

“Annette texted me, too. She said--she said she loves both of us. That she’s...deeply sorry.”

Duncan was quiet for a long moment, eyes forward. Then he spoke, his voice achingly soft.

“Can you call her for me now, please, Kenz? Put her on speakerphone?”

Kenzie typed his birthday into the phone: 0706. They’re soon, she thought. Coming so soon. I can’t wait to share my birthday with you, Dunny. I wonder what I could possibly get for you that you would love. What do I get for the man who has literally everything.

Anything you ever give me I will cherish endlessly, Mackenzie Stone. She knew he’d heard her from his answer, azure-tinged, whirling, warm. Because it’s from you.Your Hades cherishes every tiny flower from his sweet Persephone’s hair, for nothing grew in the Underworld until she arrived.

Kenzie found Annette in his contacts, hitting the call button, then the speakerphone, holding the phone up between them, her heart tight in her chest. The phone rang once--in the middle of the second ring, a breathless voice came through.

“Duncan.”

Kenzie’s eyes lifted to Duncan’s face; she watched him bite harshly into his lip at the sound of Annette’s voice. He lifted a hand to slide his sunglasses off; his fingers shaking.

“Hi, mom.”

There was a trembling silence that hung in the air, stretching out into bleeding, invisible colors of emotion. Like us, it has a color. It’s the blue of him, his resentment, his sadness, his forgiveness, his love for the only mother he’s ever known. It’s me, and my forgiveness, my love for both of them, the depth of my concern for him. And there’s a dark red, like raspberries on a bushel, like the blush of a stormy sunset. It’s Annette. Her remorse. Her spirit, forever changed by something. By Bill’s death. And by us.

“I’m here too, Annette,” Kenzie said, quietly.

“Hi, Mackenzie. Are you--are both of you alright? I was...I was so worried.”

“We’re fine,” Kenzie answered. “We’re heading back to the city. We were at the cabin for a few days. The one on Deep Creek Lake.”

“Oh. I--I’m so--it’s lovely, isn’t it? The lake there.”

“It really is. It was beautiful. It was perfect.”

The silence stretched again.

“Duncan...I--I’m…” Annette’s voice hitched. There were tears on Duncan’s cheeks now, and Kenzie’s heart felt shattered by his sadness. They were already turning from US-29 N towards Wisconsin Avenue. How are we back in DC already, Kenzie marveled. That should be impossible, we’ve been driving for an hour at most.

“I love you so much, Duncan.” Kenzie’s heart hammered and clenched to hear Annette’s tears. Annette Shepherd, crying. That steely exterior melting. Who could have imagined.

“Mom.” Duncan’s voice was shuddering. Kenzie reached for his hands, her own eyes full of tears now, too. He clutched her fingers, desperately. “I forgive you. For not telling me.”

“Oh, Duncan. Your uncle. He--”

“I know, Mom. I know he’s gone.”

“It’s yours, Duncan. Everything is yours. Shepherd Unlimited belongs to you now. I want you to know--that you are--always, always, and forever--my son.”

Kenzie could see Duncan was crying freely now, his eyes bright as sapphires on the bottom of dappled water, and his tears bled into his voice. “Mom. Can we come see you right now? We just got back in the city and--I want to see you.”

“Oh, Duncan. Yes. Yes, please. I’m at the house.”

“We’ll be there soon.”

“I love you, Duncan. Mackenzie. I love you too.” Annette hung up, and Kenzie lowered Duncan’s phone into her lap, her hand tight on his knee. Duncan stared ahead, tears still dripping into the crook of his neck, along the collar of his feathery shirt. His thoughts were jumbled beyond her ability to conceive, but his pain was deep. Kenzie focused on the feeling of the swirling weight of her gold against him, her fingertips against the weight of his body. The sunny day had bled into a cloudy one as they had drifted back into the capital--storm clouds seemed to be gathering overhead, their faces darkly staring down on the G-Class as it turned towards Annette’s mansion. Storms in our hearts, but soon they’ll clear, I know they will. I can feel Her in everything now. She’s guiding us through everything. She’s going to help us build the world we’re dreaming of.

They turned to the gate, which opened for them almost immediately; Annette waiting anxiously for her son, Kenzie thought. Duncan pulled up to the front walk; the driveway was quiet today, and the air was still as Kenzie gathered one of the bunches of wildflowers from the backseat; this one had some of the wild fuschias in the center, surrounded by pink and white alyssum. The darkness of the fuschias reminded her of the color of Annette in her thoughts--she looked up, the flowers gathered in her arms, to Duncan as he came up beside her, fingers falling through the tiny flowers he’d woven into her hair. Kenzie still wore her hiking boots and the little white dress--guess it doesn’t matter what I wear around Annette now, does it, she thought, smiling up at him. She gathered a wave of golden hair in her fingers, lifting it up to his cheek, using it to brush his tears away.

No, baby, he thought, his smile grateful, tender. It really doesn’t. And you look so beautiful right now I can’t stand it, High Princess.

She grasped his hand and pulled him to the big double doors. “I can’t believe the Gala was only a few nights ago,” she murmured. “It’s like it never happened.”

Duncan didn’t reply in words--but his thoughts drifted to her. That night feels like a dream. But we have those photos of us, don’t we. Those photos of me and you, radiant with the beauty of our love. Everyone has seen them; everyone has seen the greatness of it.

Kenzie grasped the gold knob of the door and it opened--as she pulled Duncan inside she immediately noticed the hunched figure on the staircase in the quiet, head turned down to earth, hands buried in long, sleekly styled chocolatey hair. Annette. Her head came up immediately at the sound--and Kenzie’s heart was crushed by the drawn state of her beautifully delicate features, teary mascara streaked on her cheeks lined with tiredness and grief.

“Mom,” Duncan whispered again, and let go of Kenzie, rushing to the stairs, kneeling--wrapping his arms fiercely around her. Annette clutched him, and a sob erupted from her that tore into Kenzie like a ripping gust of wind. Kenzie came beside them and sat, holding the flowers quietly. The three of them stayed that way for awhile--Kenzie could hear Annette’s low crying breaths, the tick of an ornate grandfather clock the only other sound. Kenzie remembered sitting here on the steps a few nights ago--the stale breath and hateful stare of Bill Shepherd in her face as he clutched at her arm, hissing his malice to her. And now he’s dead. And I forgive him, too.

Annette reached her hand out from Duncan’s arms and clutched Kenzie’s fingers.

“Mackenzie,” she breathed, the hiccup of her breath hitching her words. “I’m s-sorry. I’m so-s-so sorry. For all my cold-coldness. I saw those beautiful photos--saw--I s-saw--”

“Annette, it’s okay. Everything’s okay.” Kenzie spoke very quietly, soothingly. “Everything’s forgiven. We love you.”

Duncan let go of his mother; Kenzie passed her the flowers, and Annette’s face was lit with a gentleness Kenzie had never seen there before.

“These are beautiful.” Annette’s fingers brushed out along the tiny alyssum; fell to the ones in Kenzie’s hair, knowingly. Your son threaded these through my hair, Annette. Your gentle, beautiful son. I know you feel that. I know you can see the difference in him. It’s not a change--it’s who he always was.

“We found this spot in the forest behind the lake house; a circle of oaks. Inside it, flowers grew in a beautiful pattern. We brought some back with us--for everyone we love.”

The three of them sat together there in the quiet on the ornate steps--Annette clutched the flowers to her breast, breathing in their richness, her shuddering tears slowly calming. Duncan stared at Kenzie, the affection in him making her feel faint. Annette, do you see? Do you see your son and how radiantly lovely he is? How he’s become the lovely soul in aspect that he always had within? It moves my soul, kindles every sense of my body to him. I love him more than anything on this earth.

“Mom,” Duncan said after a long while. “Can you tell me about my birth mother? I just--I would like to know about her. Please.”

Annette’s breath came out in a shudder once more, then she seemed to gather herself as the flowers were gathered against her. Kenzie reached out to Duncan, grasping his knee. He brought his large hand over hers, holding her tightly.

“She was so lovely. Long, wavy hair, the same color as yours. Dark green eyes. A kind, beautiful face. I only knew her in a passing sense...I met her by chance. I would often see her when I was at grad school--she worked at a diner on campus and cleaned houses. She got pregnant by accident, by a much younger man, one who was very erratic and unwell. She was going to terminate the pregnancy, but I--Duncan, I always wanted children, I just--”

“You couldn’t have any.”

“Yes. I knew it was the only way. Her name was Valerie. Valerie Lawford. I was told that she died a few years ago--I--I’m so sorry, Duncan. I wanted to tell you for a long time, but, when she died, I thought, maybe, that I should let the truth be buried with her. I was wrong about that.”

She breathed out, the whistle of her tears in Kenzie’s ears; then continued.

“From the second I saw you, Duncan...your beautiful, little, scrunched-up face--I just knew. It was instant. We just belonged. We belonged--we did.” She fell against Duncan again, the flowers crushing between them, their rich scent falling into Kenzie’s nose.

The way I knew when I saw him, too, Annette. I knew, too. I knew we belonged. That he was always going to be the place where my heart belonged. How could you not love him. I know. His beautiful soul, so obvious, so bright. How could you not love him the moment you saw him.

“Mom.” Duncan spoke against his mother’s hair. “Kenzie and I are engaged. I want you to know that. We’re going to get married.”

Annette pulled away from Duncan, looking at him, not speaking; and then turned to Kenzie. Her eyes were liquid, their dark brown depth full of a sincerity Kenzie had not felt from them before.

“Can I--Kenzie. Can I hold you?”

Kenzie gasped a little at that--and then her hand was slipping out of Duncan’s so she could wrap her arms around his mother, tightly. Annette was warm and soft, and her hair smelled like warm amber; rich and somehow immediately nostalgic. I will always think of you this way now, Annette, Kenzie thought, looking into Duncan’s eyes over his mother’s shoulder. So softly vulnerable, in need of love, and at last, finally, allowing yourself to be comforted. Finally, allowing me to love you.

-------

They’d asked Annette to come to Madeline’s with them tomorrow, as she arranged the flowers they’d brought her carefully in a gold vase. She had nodded, shyly, her features still awash in love for her son; in relief towards him, in the love Kenzie had seen in her eyes. The world will have changed, Rosemary had said. And everything in it seemed to be flowers on Kenzie’s heart.

“I never thought the day would come where my mother and your mother would willingly agree to be in the same room together again,” Duncan said, bringing a hand along his jaw as they walked back through the doors--they’d said their farewells to Annette a moment ago after a relatively simple (at least, for Arturo) dinner of salmon and spanish-style quinoa with her, Ingrid overseeing the meal in her protective, silent manner. The G-Class was nowhere to be seen now, Annette’s personal service having taken their belongings along to the penthouse without them; instead, like some magical force had called it, Duncan’s telltale black BMW idled on the corner.

“I know, I--Samuel!” Kenzie squealed, noticing it. She raced away from Duncan, coming to the driver’s side window--Samuel pushed the door open, standing, his blindingly white smile flashing at her, and Kenzie threw herself into his big arms, laughing.

“I know it’s only been a few days, but I missed you terribly--” she murmured against him.

“I feel the same way, Miss Mackenzie. To see both of you is a relief.”

“Samuel, we’re engaged.”

Samuel’s laugh was instantaneous and burst out of him like peal of thunder.

“There is nothing else in the world that would have made me so happy to hear.” Duncan came up beside them, and to Kenzie’s surprise, Samuel pulled him into a crushing hug. When he let go, Kenzie could see the joyful emotion on Duncan’s face; feel waves of intense blue love for the older man in his mind.

“Duncan, Mackenzie, I must tell you,” Samuel said, suddenly serious. “There are so many paparazzi at the penthouse--a sea of them. As of Bill Shepherd’s passing, it seems they have decided to ignore his arrangements. I think an escort will be necessary today.”

“Fuck. Right. Okay.” Duncan pulled his phone out, deftly typing, bringing it to his ear. How does any one person look so good doing the simplest things, Kenzie thought. I’ll never not be in awe of you, my love. The Cartier flashed on his wrist, the breeze ruffling at his hair. A drop of rain fell on his cheek as Kenzie watched and both he and Samuel moved to pull the side door open at the same time for her. She laughed a little, awash in affection. The rain is washing away the last of the old world, she thought, sliding into the BMW’s familiar backseat. And now there are only beautiful things ahead. Whatever we imagine, we’ll create it. I can feel it. Whatever we dream up, we’ll make into reality.

By the time Harris arrived with an entourage of dark-suited men, the rain had started in earnest, and pealing thunder was bursting in the sky with long streaks of lightning. Kenzie had settled, half-sleepy, into the crook under Duncan’s arm--Harris slid into the front seat beside Samuel, shaking his hand warmly, then turning to dip an arm through the partition, Kenzie grasping his fingers in greeting, Duncan smiling at both of them, his cheek on the top of Kenzie’s head. Harris looked radiantly happy; he’s in love, Kenzie thought, and wanted to cry again. He’s in love with my beautiful Claire Augustine. My dearest friend, whose soul burns with sincerity.

“Harris,” she breathed, and she could see the brightness in his sepia eyes; the joy. “It’s so good to see you.”

“My god, Miss Mackenzie, Mr. Shepherd,” Harris laughed a little. “You both look wonderful. Brilliant. I can’t...it’s hard to describe it. It’s like you’re shining with light from within.”

“Some really strange things happened to us the past few days,” Duncan said, his voice tinged with amusement.

“Harris, we’re engaged,” Kenzie grinned at her huge bodyguard, and her heart melted at the look that came over his face; its softness and approval.

“That’s the sweetest news to hear.” This man is so strong and so gentle at the same time, Kenzie thought. This is the perfect person for my Clairebear.

“Claire told me,” Kenzie gripped his hand for another moment, then let go. “About you two.” Harris pulled it back through the partition, shyly. “My mother’s having some people over for a little gathering tomorrow--I’d like it very much if you’d come with Claire.”

“Oh, Miss Mackenzie, I--”

“Please, Harris. I insist.”

Harris blushed; he really is very handsome, Kenzie thought. He’s got a lovely heart. Only a great heart could match the heart of my Claire.

“Then it seems I have no choice,” he murmured to her, his wide smile spreading over his face. “I’d be honored to come.”

“Good.” Kenzie leaned back into Duncan, her mouth dipping open on his soft shirt, satisfied. The rain pinged against the BMW’s windows, a sweet lull in her mind, the cedar-jasmine scent of her beloved (for all time) in her nose.

Fuck me when we get home, baby? Put my rose choker on me and fuck me naked on the black, smooth stone. Tomorrow I’ll go see Candice and tell her I’m resigning; I’ll tell her our plan for the Post, that it’ll really be hers to control, and that it’s time for me to write something of my own. But right now I want you alone again. I loved that golden bed at the cabin, but I miss our sweet black bed; I miss our Mirror, the chain where you’ve tied me to your attentions, the bathtub where you gathered roses for me, the cherrywood table where we fucked as rain crashed outside, like today, the window where you pressed yourself into me with such immediacy as we gazed out on the view. Fuck, I missed this car, even--this smooth leather backseat where I’ve held you so often, my dearest love.

Kenzie, angel, fuck, yes. Do you want to choose your engagement ring with me? I want to get it for you tomorrow. Duncan pressed the thought, deep blue, shy, into her.

No, I trust you. I want you to choose it. It’s from you, a symbol of your love for me. When I look at it, I want to see me how you see me there, the love and sweetness in your thoughts of me. I want it to always remind me of you there. I feel like I can already see it--like it’s already in my mind. You think of its shape so often, how you want it to look. And I love it with all my heart, because it’s the ring you dream about for me.

Duncan’s arms came around her, bringing her closer, and Kenzie’s knee came over his thigh, his hand drifting over to come across her bare leg. The BMW was almost back to the penthouse, another car with the additional security following behind. Kenzie could see an absolute sea of people waiting for them despite the rain, but was shocked to find the calmness in her heart couldn’t be stirred into worry in this moment. I know everything’s going to be okay now. I know it like the gold I can see in my own spirit.

Can I tell you a secret, he thought into her, and Kenzie’s whole body was tingling instantly; the feeling of the word in the hidden crevices of her, as if his fingers were there.

Always. Tell me every secret.

I had your ring made weeks ago. I wanted it to be perfect. I had it commissioned specially. I’m not going to find your ring tomorrow; I’m going to go pick it up. It’s a moonstone, Kenzie. It had to be. For you, it was the only ring I could imagine. I wanted to ask, to make sure--to make sure that was okay. Because if you don’t like it, if it’s not perfect--

“Dunny,” she whispered, bringing her lips up to his chiseled jaw, her eyes into his (the storm on the sea on a night lit by the moon). “It will be perfect, because it’s from you. From your heart and your soul, for mine. I trust you.”

She looked out the window at the rain-sodden press and paps and the sea of umbrellas (hundreds of people, she marveled, hundreds of people just standing around in the rain, waiting for us), feeling his eyes still on her in his adoration. The security detail coming around to the door from the other car, each of the men very tall in dark suits; I have to get those flowers for Samuel and Harris and Anchaly, they need them. Those flowers aren’t ordinary, they’re for healing the people we love, bringing them into the new world with us. She could see them in her mind now, where they’d be placed all along the counter up in the penthouse.

“Baby...I’ll be right back,” she murmured, and pushed herself there--and for a flash of golden space, time seemed to stop for her. She was in the penthouse; bathed in the storm’s shadows, standing by the counter; the flowers were lined there as she had seen them. Kenzie grasped three of the bunches and moved herself back to the backseat of the BMW, envisioning its leather interior. And then she was there, Duncan gaping at her, flowers cascading in her hands. Kenzie grinned at him, mischievously.

“I’m getting really good at that.”  

“Holy fuck, Kenzie,” he whispered.

Samuel and Harris were at a loss when she handed them the bunches of flowers as they stepped outside, Harris holding an umbrella over Kenzie’s head.

“Where did these come from? You didn’t have them before,” Samuel puzzled through the driver’s side window.

“I used a little magic,” and Kenzie laughed. Samuel and Harris had looked at each other, lost. But the flowers were so beautiful, so sweet, still so fresh despite the journey back from the lake; they seemed to forget the impossibility of them, and instead were enraptured by their beauty, both gazing down into their hands, drinking in their heady scent. Like so many things in life, Kenzie thought, we’re just lucky to have them at all. Or maybe it isn’t luck. I don’t think anything is up to chance. Not anymore. Not with Her guiding everything.

They’d spoken a little to the press before going upstairs, Harris and the entourage hovering around them in a fortress of black suits; answered questions about where they had been (“on a short vacation”), about Bill Shepherd (“we’re grieving but we feel very positive about the future”), and the company. “I spoke to Ben Wilder at the Post,” Duncan had said, cameras flashing on him, “and discussed with him our plans for the longevity of Shepherd Unlimited. My objectives are not my uncle’s. I’ll be dissolving the show, Gardner Analytics, and its App forthwith. Our other plans are still formulating, but from today forward, Shepherd Unlimited will be altered drastically into a vehicle for progressive philanthropy. We are no longer functioning under a capitalist mindset.”

“The official title of the Foundation is changing as well,” Kenzie had added, surrounded by what seemed like fifty microphones, Anchaly’s bouquet in her fingers. Strangely, she didn’t feel nervous. No one seemed to notice the rain, their attention rapt on her. Some of the reporters’ mouths gaped open. Just little ol’ me, Mackenzie Stone, in hiking boots with flowers in my hair, flowers in my hands, but she could hear Duncan clearly in her mind, her fingers threading through the Tiffany moon. Angel, angel baby, High Princess, my beloved, your radiance is staggering, they’ll follow you anywhere, they’ll build temples in your name, you astound me, you make my life a constant blessing, a waking dream, and her smile, she knew, was being captured by a dozen cameras crowded close to her face. “Now it will be called the Shepherd Foundation for the Arts and Sciences, and with it we’ll be creating programs to help disenfranchised people access educational tools and medical care, primarily. With a focus on the arts in general. They’re very important to us. We’re also going to focus heavily on solar energy. This building here--” Kenzie pointed to the high rise, “is going to be the prototype for the others we plan to build. We’re going to make it 100% solar-powered and build a bio-diverse greenhouse on the rooftop as a model for other, similar greenhouses we plan to build on every structure owned by Shepherd Unlimited.”

“And we’re anxious to speak with the President,” Duncan enunciated clearly. “Mackenzie and I have some ideas for serious legislation that could help the District of Columbia and other major American cities convert to solar energy and bio-safe production standards akin to the ones we’re implementing for Shepherd Unlimited. A serious conversation with her for the green future of the United States is a priority for us.”

“Does this mean you’re officially a Democrat?” It was Gary Spencer.

“The company--that is, Shepherd Unlimited as an organization--is no longer affiliated with any political party. Our focus will be on helping the working class. Thanks, that’s all for right now. We’ll see all of you again soon.”

“Mackenzie, you looked so beautiful at the Gala,” a young reporter they didn’t recognize said suddenly, as Duncan and Kenzie went to move away from the crowd. She was short, with dark hair that fell around her round, pretty face to her shoulders, and was wearing a smart, tan-colored skirted suit and heeled boots, holding an umbrella with a pattern of white leaves on turquoise green among the sea of black umbrellas surrounding her. She was gazing at Kenzie with a glassy-eyed expression; reverent, knowing. “Angelic. It was--it was moving. Both of you. It’s obvious how much you really love each other. I--I wanted to say. I wish you every happiness. Thank you for--for showing your love to all of us...I just wanted to say thank you.”

Kenzie reached out to her--the girl accepted her hand, and Kenzie could see she was near tears. May Her hand guide you in all things, beloved. She nodded to the girl, pressing the thought against her. May you always feel loved, for you can see Her work in the universe. Duncan watched them for a minute, his blue eyes sliding knowingly between them. She could hear camera shutters going off wildly around them. Then Kenzie stepped away from the girl and took his hand, and they rushed through the soft rain into the foyer.

“Anchaly! Anchaly!” Kenzie ran to him, her boots stomping on the spotless marble. “We brought you flowers. From the lake. These flowers are--they’re special.” Anchaly was giving her a shocked expression, eyes wide, The New Adam and Eve poised in his hand. Kenzie ran around his desk, pushing the bouquet into his lap. Anchaly stared down at them for a moment, then his face broke into radiant happiness.

“These are the most beautiful flowers I’ve ever seen,” he said, and Duncan was grinning at them, melting Kenzie’s heart like ice-cream under a summer sun. “They look like you just plucked them from a garden in heaven.”

“They’ll bring you great fortunate,” Kenzie said, batting her eyelashes at him, giggling, and then became serious. “Anchaly, thank you for everything. For being so lovely. For making me feel so at home here. I’m so grateful to you.”

“It’s been one of the great pleasures of my life, Miss Stone. I can’t overemphasize that. Your presence here has been a gift to us, not the other way around. You are a bright star. Thank you for the flowers--my goodness.”

Kenzie nodded, and skipped back around the desk to pull Duncan to the elevator. He fell after her, his eyes dark and lovely on her; just try to get away from me now, Princess Kenzie. I’m gonna trap you in that elevator. Kenzie laughed; her hair tossed over the side of the face as she pulled him in, waving after Harris and their entourage. “See you tomorrow, Harris--” and then the door slid shut, and Duncan’s hands (oh fuck, baby, your hands) were lifting up to her throat, pressing her insistently back into the mirrored surface behind them.

“Are you gonna fuck your baby now?” She whispered, laughing up at him. He smelled like the rain, like the musk of his own sweat and skin, indecipherable and utterly his own--his face hung over hers, the fine chiseled straightness of his nose, the outline of his achingly beautiful lips, his thoughts rushing against her, his blue eyes ravenous and fingers tight, kindling her thoughts towards her choker, its grasping hold on her. The reminder that I belong to you. And what a blessed reminder it is. Duncan was thinking of the sweet smell of her cunt, she could feel it, thinking of the softness of the lips of her sex on the flat of his tongue, thinking of the intense tightness of her ass when he was buried inside it, thinking of the sore redness he’d left on her asscheeks, thinking of her in the black lingerie, thinking of tying her to the bed with his belt, to the chain with the velvet rope--thinking of shivering sound of her moans when he spanked her, when he slapped her clit with the flat of his palm--he was thinking about how he was going to drag her against the counter and fuck her standing, and Kenzie couldn’t keep her nervous laughter at bay; so do it baby, be rough with me, go on do it, do it you fucking god, you exquisite prince, clutch me to you as I am yours in all things, a part of your body, the wholeness of your soul, and she wiggled under his hand, pretending she was trying to get free, to make him tighten his grip on her. His eyes darken with the knowledge of me.

Duncan pressed his mouth, crimson-tinged with heat,.against her cheek, forcing her head to the side, the tightness of his hand making her gasp now. His other hand was pressed flush between her legs, over her panties, fingers spread along the stretch of her sex, held still, almost unbearable in their pressure. This is mine, he was thinking. This part of you here. This sweetness beyond all other sweetness. I want it again--in my lips, around my aching hardness, dripping down my tongue. I’m already so fucking hard for you. I’m always so fucking hard now. Heaven is the space between your thighs, Kenzie, angel baby.

“Uh huh,” his whisper became a moan, became a plea despite the roughness of his fingers. “I’m gonna make you come all over my cock, Princess Kenzie. Tonight I want you to obey your Evening Star. Will you do that for me, High Princess? Will you let me tell you what to do?”

Kenzie sighed against him, a whine of delight. “Yes, sweet Prince. Tell me what to do for you. You’re so fucking beautiful, the most beautiful of all men on earth, and I love you more than the stars, more than heaven--” and he was pulling her hair with demanding fingers into his fists, forcing her mouth open, up onto his, his tongue on hers, the scent of him, his height over her, making her slide her hips flush into him, making him clutch her under her ass, along the back of her thighs with tingling, drifting pressure. There is a perfect order to the universe, she thought as he lifted her off the ground, burying his mouth on her neck now, the sweet scratching weight of his stubble staining against her lips. It’s us, fucking together, fucking, fuck--

Duncan dropped her to earth with a groan as the elevator opened, fumbling out his keycard, and her heart was in her mouth as his much larger hand fell down her arm, enveloping her wrist with an insistent, unbreakable grasp, his fingers burning. They fell inside the penthouse door, and Duncan suddenly stepped back from her, achingly setting her free. Kenzie’s nerves were afire now, her body humming with the wild demand in him, the way he was throwing her body this way with blunt force, the way he was staring at her. You’re Dionysus, I’m the sweet wine of your bower, your Ariadne, the height of your potent desire, and without me you will go mad. Without me, you are not yourself.

“Kenzie, take off your panties. Right now.”

Kenzie sucked her breath in, sucked back her moan. She reached under the short hem of the little white dress and eased the white lace panties she wore underneath to the floor, kicking them away with her hiking boots.

“Turn around and lean down. Hold your ankles.”

Oh my goddess, baby.

She giggled nervously, turning, leaning down, gripping onto either ankle--she felt the cool air of the penthouse drift along her exposed sex now as the hem lifted up along her back, her bare cunt and ass facing him, her hair and the tiny flowers he’d twined in it falling along her cheeks. She heard the sharpness of his breath, felt the darkening drift of his energy (his power, kindled), felt him moving up behind her--then she felt him kneel, his hands on the deeply sensitive softness at the back of her thighs, his knees coming down on either side of her feet, so close his musky scent pressed close on her with the flushed warmth of his skin. She shivered, almost losing her balance, at the sweetness of him--Duncan gripped her tightly, holding her steady, and then his mouth was trailing along the bruised flesh of her ass. He nibbled there slightly, sucked, and she felt the curving tickle of his eyelashes as his eyes closed, his breath hitching; then he was pushing her ass cheeks apart, his breath blowing, tiny and shiveringly cool, along the pucker of her asshole, and then his tongue was lolling down over the opening of her cunt--Kenzie shook violently, moaning, almost losing her balance again as his mouth dipped further, onto her clit--and then he was sliding back, standing away from her, going to her suitcase and bringing it in front of her.

“Don’t move, Kenzie baby,” he whispered. “Stay just like that. Keep yourself like that for me. Just a little bit longer.”

“Mmmh, Dunny, baby, it’s hard,” and Kenzie could feel her knees trembling.

Duncan found the rose choker and the plug, and Kenzie watched him bite his lip in anticipation, her breath coming out in another little gasp. He came up to her on his knees and deftly buckled the smooth leather around her neck, pulling it tight--Kenzie’s vision blurred, then settled back as Duncan kissed her, his mouth trembling and open, his tongue needy, hands pulling her chin against him.

“Okay, up now, Princess,” he whispered, and Kenzie straightened, standing over him. He gazed up at her (fucking goddess, he thought) and Kenzie smiled down at him, lost in his loveliness. He crooked his finger at her--those beautiful long fingers.

“Turn around, sweet baby,” and she did, heart resounding.

“I’d do anything for you, Duncan,” she whispered to him, over her shoulder, and knew, with painful, sharp clarity, how true it was. “For you, all my weakness is laid bare. In your arms I am vulnerable to anything you’d do...or say...or give, or take away from me. Oh, goddess. It’s so much.”

“I know, Kenzie, my love. And you know...I pray you know...how entirely I would do anything for you. Anything of heaven, earth, or hell. Anything. I will worship you endlessly in this world until my death, and then I will be reborn to worship you in the next. Now lean down again, beloved angel. Let me. Do as I say.”

Kenzie was close to the edge of the island now--she leaned down on it, her cheek to its coldness, the air drifting against the wetness along her sex again, and gripped the smooth corners of obsidian stone. She felt the tickling contact of his fingers once more, starting at her ankles this time, sliding upwards, his lips pressing on the bruises he left again; so slowly, almost unbearably slow. Kenzie could smell the potency of the rest of the wildflowers a few feet away, resting on the island--she tried to focus on their scent for a moment to keep her legs from shaking, but then Duncan was pressing her ass apart again, and she couldn’t stop her voice from rising in a convulsive cry as she felt a long line of his warm spit drip down between them, into the hole there--and his long, elegant thumb immediately force itself into her, sliding the wetness into her, preparing her for a moment, his other fingers drifting up her thigh, cupping the cheek above it.

“My angel baby,” he whispered, and the softness of his voice made her want to scream. “I’m gonna fuck you so fucking hard now.” And then, with an immediacy that stole every bit of breath from her lungs, Duncan pressed the plug into her ass, harshly, utterly, with the flat of his hand flush against her, forcing it in as far as it would go, causing her nerves to sing and her voice to hitch into wordless entreaties, and then he was standing behind her, hands insistently pushing her dress up, pulling it over her head so she was laid bare to him; then she heard the rustling of him disrobing himself, scattering his clothing to the floor in a rippling heap, the hovering heat of him kindling her senses, and he slid his arms under her slender breasts at her torso, flushing her back against his chest and his abdomen, the feeling of him so slick-soft and the scent of him rich with deep musk and his voice in her ear--

“Angel--”

Delight of my eyes, fire in my heart, center of the universe, let me lay worship between your thighs--

“Angel--”

Honey-voiced, silk-skinned, rose-scented, sun-haloed, princess of gold--

They gasped into each other as he entered her, his cock achingly hard and immediately slick with her arousal and the spit he’d left inside her; her ass twinged, sucking at the plug, pushing spit to the front of her mouth, threatening to spill it forward from her lips. He held her against him utterly this way as he moved against her, lips buried in her hair--Kenzie felt absolutely lost to him, her body and her mind tangled against him in such a way that she thought she would die if ever she came undone. I worship you, he bled against her. I worship you until heaven falls utterly.

“Fu-uuck,” she heard herself whining, far away. “Dunny, touch my poor little clit, please--”

“You do as I say tonight, my little flower goddess--” he murmured into her ear. “You won’t come until I fuck you for as long as I want to, Mrs. Shepherd. Don’t touch your clit or you’ll be spanked. Hard.”

“Ungh--Dunny--baby--”

“Go ahead, baby, cry out for me. I wanna hear. Sing out to me, High Princess, my most luxuriant beauty of the stars.”

He pushed her thighs out with his knees so they were spread utterly, pounding into her so roughly Kenzie keened against the counter, her body rocking back and forth, her breasts coldly pressed on the obsidian, the choker cutting against her throat; the counter was tethered utterly and could not be moved, so Kenzie’s shudders against it made her feel like a wave of deep water on a still shoreline; the bliss is to be locked to you this way, and also in movement. The dance between us is one that can’t be described in words. It’s our souls coming together every time. When we fuck, we’re touching each other in the deepest, most shadowed place. Oh, fuck--

Kenzie’s hand drifted down to her clit, unthinkingly--Duncan’s hand snapped out and yanked her fingers away, then he stretched his long fingers and slapped them sharply, three times in quick succession, against the lips of her cunt, against the sensitive bundle of nerves between them; Kenzie gasped sharply, her vision going dark again for a moment at the intensity of it, the sharp spikes of light that lit her mind and the growing heat in her belly.

“Only I get to touch you there this time, angel,” he moaned into her ear, and then he pressed his index and middle finger into her clit, not moving them for a long while as he fucked her--letting the force of them make her keen her hips against him, grinding onto the thickness of his cock; making her fuck herself. “That’s it, angel baby, my golden goddess. Fuck my cock, Kenzie, baby--”

Duncan was toying with the plug as he worked at her, teasing it roughly against the pressure of her ass, and she let out a wailing groan, snapping her teeth together to try to keep her cries at bay. He was pressing into her neck with a strong hand again, pushing her cheek into the cold stone, then pulling her back up to bring his fingers into her throat, around the choker (oh goddess fuck the way you know I love it so much, so tightly, my breath aching to be free but my heart longing for you to never let go), bringing his nose against the back of her neck as he fucked her, breath hot; his mouth hung open on her skin, his voice bleeding out against her, his ecstasy untethering him.

“Ken-n-zie, fuck, can you see that--”

At first Kenzie didn’t understand--could see nothing from her heavy-lidded eyes but the flowers gathered in front of her, the doorway of the dining room beyond, the silver fridge, and darkness at the corners of her vision, Duncan’s fingers tangled in her hair and tight on her skin, the pressure of his fingers on her clit making her want to scream---but then her vision shifted, as it had in the forest at the lake, as it had in their dreams.

She thought she saw the sky; full of stars, so many stars, as it had been there in the clearing, millions of stars, the universe like a cosmic ocean of a depth I could not imagine, and saw the moon, a waning third now that was becoming crescent-like. And then, the vision seemed to double; seemed to triple, and extend further, and fall in itself, becoming some impossible geometry of dimension, and every moon was a pattern of the next, a copy but also not a copy, also its own moon, distinct, singular--and in their faces, Kenzie knew; could see. Could see Her, the Goddess, her faces, not only three, but many, infinite, extending forever, beyond all description, beyond all measure of space or time. Knew that this; the melding of their bodies, the demand of their sex, was divinely right, even holy, even of heaven.

Then the vision seemed to fall back into itself, to collapse. She realized inside of the vision that they hadn’t ceased the ardency of their movements against each other--if anything she gasped with the need to have him closer, turned her neck under his hand to reach his mouth; Duncan kissed her with a neediness that made her body hum, as if he were sucking not only the breath from her, but the golden outline of her spirit--she thought of what she’d imagined the night of the Gala, staring up at the fullness of the moon over the penthouse. Those moons live beside our moon, and together, they echo through time. Just as every version of us, and our story, echoes in time beside us. And in every story, we find each other. In every story, I will always find you, Duncan. She’s showing us. She’s telling us that story. The story beyond time.

And as Kenzie drifted into the rising storm that was her release--his own so achingly close to her, I know baby, I can feel you, the glow of your skin, the furious idolatry for me in your thoughts--she thought of the song they’d heard; the one that had whisked them, with supernatural speed, into the arms of his distraught mother, into the halo of healing forgiveness that still lingered in them--

Don’t you see what you’re finding? This is heaven in hiding, this is heaven in hiding

And as they came together, locked together utterly, the echoes of it resounded in her mind and again, and she felt him there, tied to every part of her, the aspects that could not be seen, only sensed, her true soul against his, saw the moons extending into eternity--

This is heaven in hiding, this is heaven in hiding, we’re heaven in hiding, heaven in hiding, heaven in hiding...

[havenesc]

For the character ask: Wally West, Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne and Damian. Pretty please! 🥰🙏🏻😄

OOOOOH YOU HIT LIKE ALL MY MAIN FAVES AMEN

WALLY WEST

Favorite thing about them: Wally’s heart. His heart is HUGE and he is always determined to do the right thing and be the best hero he can be and do the legacy of the Flash justice. 

Least favorite thing about them: Honestly? Honestly??? Whatever the FUCK they’re doing to him in HiC. If I’m not being honest, then how they wrote him for the first few episodes of YJ. But boys are boys I suppose. 

Favorite line: “We both have a Martian on speed dial and you can’t give me the benefit of the doubt?”

BROTP: Dick & Wally, Shayera & Wally !!

OTP: Spitfire. But I’m also currently trying to find a good place to dig into the comics since all I really know is YJ/JL atm so there’s that. 

nOTP: Pretty much anything that’s not Spitfire.

random headcanon: i have a lot of headcanons for aus but. this is wally 

unpopular opinion: Wally West deserves better writers and better treatment by DC lmfao

song i associate with them: Ask Yourself - Foster The People

favorite picture of them:

JASON TODD

Favorite thing about them: Honestly? I definitely noticed that Jason has a lot of compassion and cares very deeply about people, even when he pretends not to. He loves his found family very much and would do anything for them, and that’s what makes a lot of RHATO’s stuff so much fun for me to read.

Least favorite thing about them: While I understand what his moral code is and how it differs from Bruce’s, sometimes he’s really impulsive and it gets him into some really bad situations. Take care of yourself, man. 

Favorite line: “Listen to the city on the other side of the walls. The cars racing to places people don’t want to go. The ambulances racing from horror to hope. Listen to the people shouting and laughing and loving and fighting and giving birth and taking lives. Listen for the heartbeat among the chaos of Gotham City... Like I did when I was a kid and slept on the sidewalk on more than one night. There is a world out there in this one city. Can you hear it?”

BROTP: the outlaws and jay!! and jay and his brothers!!

OTP: nothing really. 

nOTP: i get j.ay.ro.y etc, that’s cool, but anything within the batfam is a HARD pass from me

random headcanon: Jason finds himself liking the countryside the more he spends time out in it, even if it’s not really anything he’s familiar with. Gotham will always be his city, but sometimes it’s good to get away from the chaos and sit and watch wide skies and listen to the sound of the grass blowing or cows calling to their calves every once in a blue moon. It’s a whole different world.

Unpopular opinion: There comes a point where ripping someone’s family away repeatedly for shock value isn’t fun to read or watch the aftermath of and Jason is the poster boy pin cushion for it. Plus I’m not a huge fan of his new design (or the white hair streak thing either don’t slaughter me) 

song i associate with them: Fairly Local OR Message Man - Twenty Øne Piløts

favorite picture of them: miss yasmine putri does NOT have to go as hard as she does with the variant covers but i am GRATEFUL

BRUCE WAYNE

Favorite thing about them: He’s fuckin Batman but he also gives to charity. He doesn’t just beat people up and turn them in for criminal activity, he goes out of his way to supply funding for programs and welfare to help keep people of the streets and tries to give alternatives to criminal activity to stay afloat. Plus adoption man.

Least favorite thing about them: His distance keeping. His family worries about him and he has a whole nest of kids that really, REALLY need some empathy or a very active father figure, and Bruce is written as to be....not the greatest at that. Of course, luxury of comic reading that it is, we can retcon it, but I’m a bit tired of seeing Bruce only acting paternal in moments where it’s a life or death situation for one of his boys. I have a lot of shit to say about him and Jason’s relationship too but this is already too long as it is. 

Favorite line: Listen this is really stupid but the dry “yeehaw/yippe kai yay” in n52 I think?? where a goon tells him they’re gonna gore him like a fucking bull and he just coasts ON THEM down the stairs in resposne? fucking power move

BROTP: justice league and his family!

OTP: wonderbat wasn’t a bad idea during jlu ngl but other than that i don’t see anything that’s like “OH GAWD”

nOTP: anything with his family members. oof. big yikes.

random headcanon: Bruce can play polo and has some investments in the TB racing industry. Derby day is fun for the batfam. 

Unpopular opinion: jason is right more often than not idgaf what bruce and his moral code have to say about it

song i associate with them: drowning - EDEN project

favorite picture of them: MIZ WE HAVE THE SAME TASTE CAUSE OOOH

DAMIAN WAYNE

Favorite thing about them: He’s a shit. But he is trying his hardest to follow in his father’s footsteps and not be what Ra’s decided he should be. He endures some awful hardships and still gets back up and steels his resolve. 

Least favorite thing about them: Ok so it was fixed with character development but sometimes hE REALLY IS MEAN AS FUCK TO JON AND HIS SIBLINGS PIPE DOWN BABY BAT

Favorite line: “Let me drive.” “No.” “I know how.” “No.”

BROTP: jon and his siblings /dabs 

OTP: nothing because he’s a baby

nOTP: da//mijon romantically and anything with his siblings, because that apparently is a thing too YIKES

random headcanon: everyone knows when damian’s falling ill because he becomes overdramatic about minor stuff and says shit like “guess i’ll die” and it pisses bruce off. he drops the whole formal language habit too so that’s how you know it’s fixing to REALLY hit him like a bus in the next day or two

Unpopular opinion: i still think it was ow that he got to be robin and tim got the boot ngl

song i associate with them: You’re On - Madeon

favorite picture of them: literally anything jorge jiminez draws of him is so good

[tom-whore-dleston]

Legend has it, the Stephen Strange hoe (me) is still (s)creaming to this day 🤣🤣🤣

One minute you were eating dinner, and the next you were being eaten.

I want all my dinner dates to end up like this ngl

“It’s never enough for you, is it?” he asked, his nose brushed against your cheek, lips trailed along your jawline. “Who’s my little cock slut?”

me reacting to this line like:

Your mouth watered as you watched him stroke himself. He was so erect and so fucking ready for you as precum practically dripping right out of the slit.

imagining this made me so h word oh my gawwwdd 😭😭 there's something about the way a hot dom strokes himself for you. like he has this hard demeanor but he submits just a little bit of himself to you and holy shit is that sexy as fuck 😮‍💨

“Please daddy. Just fuck me already…Don’t you want me?”

“You’re so cruel sometimes,” he hissed when he pushed himself forward till the very brim. Your body jolted and stretched out to accommodate him in the most delicious way.

“To suggest that I don’t want you,” he scoffed as he eased his hips back and pushed himself forward again.

my p word is quaking so hard 😩😩

“Harder, daddy,” you said in between your breathing.

“Like this?!” his fingers dug deep into your hips as he pounded into you with determination. He was breathing hard, thrusting to you with a purpose that every thrust made you sob out.

fuck me fuck me fuck me fuck me

“I’m not going to lie, but it’s hot when you talk back like that.”

yyuuuusssss there it is 🙌🙌🙌

ahhhhh omg omg thank you so much bestie!!! this was everything I dreamed of and I will continue to dream about this fic 😍����😍 I really love doing smut exchanges with you and screaming over them when we're done reading and writing them hehe 🥰🥰🥰

Please Doctor | S.S x F!Reader

Summary: Strange doesn’t take too lightly when you talk back to him and acting like a brat.

⚠️Warnings: smut ahead. Oral (f receiving), fingering, brief male masturbation, slight voyeurism, daddy kink, mild degradation kink, unprotected p in v

@tom-whore-dleston​​ asked: “it’s hot when you talk back.” with seggsy ass Stephen Strange 😛💦

Word count: 1.5K

A/N: I don’t even have a title for this because it’s just my brain rot. Please enjoyed this self indulgence fic that i manage to write in such a short time. No beta, so any mistakes are mine. If you liked this, please do comment and reblog. It helps me a lot and i really appreciate it so much!

** Do not repost, copy, or translate any of my works without permission.

A low drawn-out moan slipped from your lips. The sweet smell of red wine lingered on your breath. Your head buzzed, eyes rolled to the back of your head. Never before have you known such rapture as your back arched forward, pushing yourself even more as Stephen Strange devoured you hungrily.

A deep growl reverberated from his chest and straight through your sobbing pussy, creating a slight vibration that made you whimper softly. Your legs draped over his broad shoulder, your fingers bunched at his once-perfect hair. One minute you were eating dinner, and the next you were being eaten. 

Oh, how the table has turned. 

Keep reading

[dllcs]

( ur welcome in advance for the gif ) SUP BINCHES. it’s ya girl, lenny, back with another intro. this time for my southern gentleman, dallas ! ngl, i’m recycling my old one but made a couplE changes. so give this a like if u wanna plot !

( dacre montgomery • twenty four • cismale ) look, it’s dallas delaney from apartment 6C ! i heard that he is here in los angeles because he wants to open his own auto body shop. they moved into moreau apartments 2 months ago and rumour has it, they can be quite possessive and truculent — good thing they’re also passionate and charming, hey ? i hear they’re the contingent of the building.

born n raised nashville boy so u better believe he’s got the accent and charm to match. he’s my southern gentleman raised by a single mama with two younger siblings so he had to grow up real fast

his father passed when dallas was young ( maybe like 9 so he kinda remembers him ) and dallas became the man of the house when he was a lil one, taking on the responsibility of taking care of his little sisters when he was finally old enough for his mom to get a job

they never really struggled though so this ain’t a sad story, dw. they had enough money to survive, his mom found a teaching job that she loved, and dallas really enjoyed helping around the house and taking care of his mom and sisters – it honestly just felt like second nature to him

dallas’ father was a mechanic and had a love for cars that almost rivalled his love for his wife so dallas found his passion for the work easily, finding a connection to his father whenever he opens a car hood or changes a tire

old school cars are his thing, he started buying them for cheap and fixing them up when he was 16 and got his first job at the movie theatre and began making hella money with it. he saved it all though, he ain’t a wild child, cause his father had a dream to open his own mechanic shop that dallas was determined to fulfill

however, dallas’ passion for cars is rivalled by his other love: music. his little sisters took piano lessons and he helped them practice, in turn mastering the craft on his own, and then he picked up guitar later on and fell in love and became obsessed with learning every in and out of the art, from playing to songwriting. he never really had a dream to go big but as he got better and more open with his music, it was hard to ignore the voices of his friends and family saying that he could really do it

so he’s a bit torn at the moment, between pursuing his father’s dream or creating his own

he made the move to la about 2 months back, once his youngest sister started her senior year of high school and he felt comfortable leaving his family ( not that he wanted too lmao he just knew they’d be okay )

came here because he found several empty body shops around la and has been eyeing them – but he’s not ballsy enough to buy them yet, despite having the money, because he still can’t get himself to dedicate his whole heart to one thing

he’s the definition of southern gentleman and you can definitely tell from first sight. as if the accent isn’t enough, his style has often been labelled “hipster cowboy.” he loves his button ups and jeans, sometimes wears cowboy boots but has adopted more .. casual boots since his move to la.

personality wise: he’s charming, a bit quiet and reserved at first but once he’s comfortable with you he’s outgoing and loves to have fun

his label is the contingent because he’s quite ... reliant on the company of others. he’s lonely easily ( especially since his move away from his family ) and probably too loyal for his own good in order to keep his friends by his side.

got a bit of a temper that usually only shines through when he’s drunk or stressed but he can be easily pissed off ( especially if you fuck with someone he loves )

he’s a true romantic and really doesn’t fuck around much but that’s not to say accidental one night stands / hookups arent off the table .... ;)

OH PS HIS VC IS SAM HUNT OK 

as for connections, i’d love some past connections with people from his hometown. perhaps a music buddy. someone he fixes a lot of things for lmao ( he’s not just handy with a guitar and a car ok ayyy lol ) perhaps a little fling/flirtationship, a past one night stand. i love me some bros, a little sister ( he’s forever the protective old brother omg ) and some ride or dies. someone who brings out his wild side and drags him out cause he can be a bit of a hermit sometimes uH IDUNNO I WANT IT ALL OK

[riskeith]

hi bb!

oh rip... the ol’ laptop fan situation. it must sound like a plane when you play genshin right? yes, we’re more prepared now. i remember the first few years there were so many fires and stuff to the point where they even made bbq illegal. such a mess, but it took away a fire hazard which is good. i believe aus had the same situation right?

awwww sounds so cute! pokémon go? no i don’t! i dropped it after that summer sjsksjdk. do you play while you’re walking that’s so adorable. wait bakudeku zine??? you’ve peeked my interest.

ooh that makes sense! i thought about the gold seelie too actually! the babie might bring you mora which is always good to have. also there’s fanart of the gold seelie being aether and those are sooo cute. have you seen any?

help i hope xiao knows how lucky he is to have such a devoted fan as yourself!! you’re really pulling all the strings for him i applaud your patience and determination. dude albedo is like... easily one of the prettiest animated character i’ve seen! he’s gorgeous! also i like his elevator move that could be so handy. and for the dancing videos, just search on yt baron bunny dancin or something hehe.

WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WHAT THE FUCK? wait are you serious? venti’s jpn va is HINATA? I HAD NO IDEA WTF???? god..,. that’s it i’m switching to jpn dub that’s insane... i was actually gonna ask you once if you could apply haikyuu characters to the game who would they be and the only one i was sure about was that hinata would be venti.... 😭 you’re so talented for knowing that hehe.. also you can say that you’re studying when you’re gaming then lmao. study smart not hard. god i’m still in shock over venti. this made my morning ngl.

i have no idea how fic collabs work either. i had a friend that did it once and she said they each wrote a chapter but i feel like that might be confusing if the writers use different writing styles..? idk it seems fun but kind of scary too..

ilytttttt little blushing girl.. <3

it always goes back to dragonspine does it not... 😶 but damn it’s been about a month and you’ve saved 12k that’s super solid. since xiao will be coming around feb that means you’ll have another month-ish to save up as well... so girl you’re def getting him sjdksjdk.. <3 and so much other goodies as well. unless you don’t pull him on the first try you might get some other great characters and weapons/artifacts as well. you need to force me to start saving up too bc if venti is really coming back.. i /have/ to get him esp now that i know about the va..

they’re adorable! i don’t know much about their story but i think they’re best friends, right? which makes it even more adorable. and there’s so much fanart of them as well. dude speaking of, genshin stans make the BEST fanart. i spend hours just looking at them and it’s perfect. i imagine there’s so much on twitter too, right?

god. remember shiro and adam. dreamworks would def not do that.. lmao...

your bravery for even considering posting wip. i’m taking my hat off for you. also, one writer to another; how does your writing process usually go? i’m always interested in seeing how other fic writers work bc it varies so much.

oh!! i was all over the place but i really liked sm groups. and loona! you don’t like slow songs? like even slow indie? aksjjdhdkdhf im gonna keep asking to find a middle group bc right now i’m super lost help...

i don’t really like sleeping in so it’s fine HEHE it’s 9 am now and i woke up about an hour ago which was perfect. 10 hour sleep? immaculate. not yikes. sleeping is always good never stress about it shjdhdjd, think about when you go back to school and have to pull all nighters etc.

kiss <3

heya!!

yeah HAHAAH it gets so hot omg.. and my laptop is supposed to have pretty good specs so i can’t imagine what it would’ve been like if i tried to play on my old one yikes 😬 oh shoot! yeah we have a fire danger rating too, the second lowest one is “high” and it goes beyond “extreme” to “code red”/“catastrophic” lollll. and we’ve regularly got fire bans in the summer to try and prevent anything! 

hfsdkjfhs summer 2016? god i remember that time so clearly... iconic 😩 i do play sometimes! normally if there are any mystic gyms around me to join, otherwise i’m kinda lazy about actually catching the pokemon HAHA oops. https://twitter.com/kotatsutomikan1 here!! does that mean 👀 you main bkdk 👀👀👀

oooo i thought the seelies were actually just there for decoration? AHAH. yessss I saw one with a whole lineup! https://twitter.com/icedkappe/status/1347555831831699457 look how cute 🥺 ugh but that reminds me of something i was thinking of earlier today, i hope they’ll introduce skins or something later down the line? fshdk like think of the potential. it always upsets me when i click the hanger icon and it only lets me change their glider fhsjfskfjsdjkf

god when i saw albedo’s hair... <3333333 and also his eyes??? um chief alchemist? more like PRETTIEST alchemist. yesss i’ve been doing plunge attacks a lot more recently (preparing for xiao?) and honestly ugh if i had albedo.. I LOOKED THOSE VIDEOS UP!!! THEY ARE SO FUCKING ADORABLE WHAT EHE FSUCJK!!!!!!  my god. fancam for characters who? ? from now on only fancams of baron bunny are allowed 😤😤😤

AHAHAH YEAH HE IS!!!! wait have you finished the world quest with him tho?? either way i’m sure you’ll be able to find clips of it in japanese dub online... his ‘ehe’ is so cute my god.. study smart not hard my motto!!!! <3 

yeah I feel like chapters is confusing which is why separating by POV might work better? definitely scary tho lol .... such uncharted territory for me

IM DEF GETTING HIM!!! xiao i am patiently waiting for you to come home 👐🙇‍♀️ yes!! i really hope the four stars on his banner are good bc i’m def gonna be pulling it a lot AHAHHA i hope hm.... i wanna get xingqiu to match with chongyun but beido seems so cool too 😩 tho i already have so many claymore users fsdhfksdfhsjd. oh that also reminds me venti’s elemental burst dialogue ‘kaze da!’ is so cute... like his voice is so melodic??? omg.... WAIT lemme send you this interview i found https://youtu.be/g3floaU41Uc !! AND START SAVE UP MARRIAGE ANON!!!!! tho i think he’s like 5 banners away so you still have time if you do wanna pull now... fhdsfkjds

they are!!! chongyun has this line in his story profile “Who could he possibly trust, if not his fine friend Xingqiu?” 🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭 how cute is he i love him so much :((((((((((((( yeah there are so many on twitter!! i don’t see much on tumblr tbh bc i don’t look at my dash too often AHHAHA but it’s all over my twitter timeline~ 

my writing process depends!! but typically i type out the outline of a fic/write out certain scenes, then fill in everything around that ahaha. usually my ideas come from a line i thought up that i really like or just a concept. i usually also type out my plans in all caps LOL. i hope that makes sense lmaooo how about you? do you just go for it or plan everything out first?

ooo yeah sm have some really nice stuff... and nice! i never gave loona a shot FJKDHFKSJ. i don’t think so?? the slow songs i do like are usually exceptions rather than the rule LMAO but i like hozier’s stuff even tho they’re slow (but who doesn’t? AHAH) honestly i couldn’t even give you examples bc i can’t think of any FHSDKFJS like i guess for example, lovely by billie eilish and khalid, i like the song but on a normal day if it came up on shuffle i’d skip it? FHSFKSD im so sorry legit i am no help at all fhskdfhsjdfjsdkfhsdhkfhk but what are some artists you listen to often?

i never pull all-nighters!! it’s kinda like my rule, even if i’m absolutely fucked i’ll deal with it later rather than not sleep fhskjfsdf. (or maybe i just haven’t reached that stage yet... i hope not!). also wait a second i just registered what you wrote.. YOU WOKE UP AT 8AM????????? my goodness... legit i don’t think i did that a single time in 2020. there was a week i woke up at 8:30 every day but very quickly i started sleeping in again omg... that energy! i’m also gonna try start waking up early but it’s hard when i go to bed then read fic 😩

kisses!!! hope your day has been swell so far xoxo

[foundcarcosa]

ccc.

1. Favorite childhood book? >> (Three hundred surveys posted to this blog, wow. --I mean, over the course of nearly a decade I’ve probably filled out at least ten thousand, but.) I think that distinction would have to go to The Phantom Tollbooth. It’s one of the only books I remember owning, probably because I’d paged through it so many times. I also modified all the illustrations with pen so that Milo looked like a woman. 2. What are you reading right now? >> Condensed Chaos by Phil Hine -- more like limping through it, because I stopped setting aside time specifically for reading so I just end up grabbing a half a chapter here and there. I’ll have to do something about that. I’d started The Poisonwood Bible a while ago, too, but I keep forgetting to continue it. 3. What books do you have on request at the library? >> I rarely borrow books from the library unless they’re e-books because of my tendency to have to repeatedly renew and eventually take it back before I’m finished because I ran out of renews. 4. Bad book habit? >> Not reading. 5. What do you currently have checked out at the library? >> I don’t, for the reasons stated above. But for all the shit I talk about Grand Rapids, it has a lovely main branch, so I’ll probably end up stopping in again soon, maybe spending a few hours there for a change of scenery.

6. Do you have an e-reader? >> I have a phone, which functions as my e-reader. I also have a Kindle, but between its wack amount of storage space and its quick-draining battery, it’s been relegated to the position of glorified mousepad at this point. (It’s too bad, because I like the screen size.) 7. Do you prefer to read one book at a time, or several at once? >> Two or three at once. I think it’s interesting to see if/how they subconsciously weave themselves together in my imagination, even if -- especially if -- they’re about completely unrelated things. 8. Have your reading habits changed since starting a blog? >> It’s the internet in general that interferes with my reading habits, not just tumblr, but tumblr obviously plays a part. 9. Least favorite book you read this year (so far?) >> I quit on Cormac McCarthy’s The Road like 10 pages in, and I don’t usually do that but for some reason I got bored really quickly and couldn’t see the point in pushing through. That’s not a total vote in its disfavour because I didn’t actually form a full opinion. Sometimes I just pick up a book at the wrong time and have to wait until I reach the point in my life when I’ll need it. I’ll probably try again in a couple of years. 10. Favorite book you’ve read this year? >> I really enjoyed Reincarnation Blues, I thought it was an amazing story. I also got a lot out of M. K. Asante Jr’s It’s Bigger Than Hip Hop. When the Stars Are Right by Scott R Jones was fascinating as hell, and then of course there was my long-overdue (or maybe right-on-time, considering...) American Gods reread... 11. How often do you read out of your comfort zone? >> Occasionally. The thing is, there are so many books in my comfort zone that I want to read... 12. What is your reading comfort zone? >> I don’t know if it’s quantifiable. I like a lot of different kinds of books. I usually know within 10-15 pages of a book if I’m going to like it or not -- I try not to judge books by their covers, but I definitely judge them by their first chapter. 13. Can you read on the bus? >> Sometimes, but I generally prefer to listen to music and look out the window.

14. Favorite place to read? >> In bed. 15. What is your policy on book lending? >> I’ll give books away. Just take it, read it. Pay it forward. I don’t like to hoard books. 16. Do you ever dog-ear books? >> Hell yes, I do. They’re not a sacred object to me; their contents may well be sacred, but their contents already exist in me because I ate them.  17. Do you ever write in the margins of your books? >> Nah. 18. Not even with text books? >> I don’t use textbooks. 19. What is your favorite language to read in? >> I can only read in English. 20. What makes you love a book? >> It’s a very visceral and subconscious thing, and it’s not dependent on genre or the politics of the author or any of that as much as it’s dependent on who I am at that moment in time, what story I need to hear, and how lovingly the author told it. That sounds like it only applies to fiction books, but it really doesn’t.  21. What will inspire you to recommend a book? >> Some level of understanding of the person I’m recommending it to. 22. Favorite genre? >> I don’t know, honestly. 23. Genre you rarely read (but wish you did?) >> I wish I read more science fiction. The thing is, most of the scifi stories I love I kind of stumbled into accidentally. Whenever I go looking for scifi specifically, I run into a lot of duds (not that they’re badly written or anything, just that they’re bad for me). I’m going to try Philip K Dick soon and I hope that works out okay. 24. Favorite biography? >> I don’t have one. 25. Have you ever read a self-help book? >> Sure, but I don’t make a habit of it.

26. Favorite cookbook? >> I don’t have one. Well, okay, Feeding Hannibal is pretty cool, ngl, but mostly for the information rather than the actual recipes. We can’t afford to (or don’t have the room/appliances to) make most of that stuff. 27. Most inspirational book you’ve read this year (fiction or non-fiction)? >> Definitely American Gods, but that’s a hard-to-explain thing, lol. The Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are is a good runner-up, because as far as inspiration is concerned, Alan Watts probably had more than his fair share of it. (Do comic books count, because if so I’d like to also add in Promethea.) 28. Favorite reading snack? >> Alcohol. (But also anything I can eat with one hand, or doesn’t require a lot of, like, attention.) 29. Name a case in which hype ruined your reading experience. >> I don’t think that’s ever happened. 30. How often do you agree with critics about a book? >> I don’t read critic reviews often enough to know what the ratio of agreement to disagreement would even be like. 31. How do you feel about giving bad/negative reviews? >> A negative review is just as valuable as a positive review. I’d prefer people not be nasty in their negative reviews, but like... I also don’t have to read their review if I don’t like it. It’s not that big of a deal to me. 32. If you could read in a foreign language, which language would you chose? >> Russian, probably. I imagine untranslated Russian lit would be amazing to read. 33. Most intimidating book you’ve ever read? >> And actually finished? Ha! Let’s see... as far as length, I’d probably pick whatever the longest Stephen King book that I’ve read is. (He meanders, man. He fucking meanders. It’s great, but dear god.) As far as content, I’m probably gonna go with Atlas Shrugged. For, I mean, obvious reasons, really. 34. Most intimidating book you’re too nervous to begin? >> That doesn’t really happen to me. If I want to read something, I’ll start reading it. If it proves prohibitive to my limited ability to understand shit, then I’ll put it down and move on. 35. Favorite poet? >> I don’t have one. 36. How many books do you usually have checked out of the library at any given time? >> Zero. When I do check out from the library, I stick to three books max. 37. How often have you returned book to the library unread? >> Quite often. Usually because I ran out of time. 38. Favorite fictional character? >> YEAH, OKAY. 39. Favorite fictional villain? >> Actually that is almost impossible for me to determine because I don’t even put the “villain” flag on characters unless it’s super fucking obvious (like in a comic book) that they’re supposed to be the Token Bad Guy. I just don’t even think in those terms. -- Now that I say that, though, I remembered that Stephen King characters are written very polarised despite my personal interpretations of them, so I suppose my favourite villain is Walter O’Dim. 40. Books I’m most likely to bring on vacation? >> I don’t know, I don’t usually have time to read on vacation. Unless it’s on the plane or something, in which case I just bring whatever I happen to be reading at the time. It’s usually on my phone, anyway. 41. The longest I’ve gone without reading. >> I mean, I don’t go a day without reading something, even if it’s just articles I saw on my facebook feed. 42. Name a book that you could/would not finish. >> Fifty Shades of Grey. (I did try. I wrote detailed posts about my thoughts during my attempt to read it. They’re still on my old blog.) 43. What distracts you easily when you’re reading? >> Everything. It’s just hard for me to turn the “noise” (literal and figurative noise) of the world off in general, which is why I like it quiet when I’m trying to focus. 44. Favorite film adaptation of a novel? >> Well, LOTR. I was going to say Predestination but All You Zombies isn’t a novel. Uhh.... :/ 45. Most disappointing film adaptation? >> Good god, so many. 46. The most money I’ve ever spent in the bookstore at one time? >> Around $100, I guess. I don’t have much money in general so I try to just... avoid bookstores. 47. How often do you skim a book before reading it? >> I don’t. The first-chapter test usually works just fine. 48. What would cause you to stop reading a book half-way through? >> Boredom. 49. Do you like to keep your books organized? >> Well, we don’t own enough for a complex system to be required. 50. Do you prefer to keep books or give them away once you’ve read them? >> I really prefer to give them away. It’s just... I’m not a hoarder (I don’t even mean that in the negative sense, I just mean I don’t like hanging onto stuff I’m not actively using). I spent just about all of my adult life up until 2 years ago homeless or some version of transient and having to be ruthlessly exacting about how many belongings I had at any given time really changed the way my brain works regarding material items. I love being able to own things now, but it’s... hard to enjoy having too many objects. I get tetchy. It feels inorganic. Maybe that’ll change in the future (these things often do), but for now owning more than 20 or so books feels like an overindulgence. 51. Are there any books you’ve been avoiding? >> I don’t think so. 52. Name a book that made you angry. >> I can’t think of one right now. 53. A book you didn’t expect to like but did? >> The Fountainhead. Any Rand book, actually, because Vlad couldn’t stand her and we had such similar tastes in media that I figured I wouldn’t either. But the immense amount of annoying peer pressure from Sigma eventually got me to pick it up just to get them off my back, and..... well, the rest is hilarious “I’m in love with a crazy Russian woman who makes me want to yell at her constantly” history. 54. A book that you expected to like but didn’t? >> I don’t know. That doesn’t happen very often. 55. Favorite guilt-free, pleasure reading? >> All of it? I don’t feel guilty about anything I read.