#ngl all of the queerness in this book has made me so fucking happy

[fauxfroot]

shout out to A Day of Fallen Night for being the first well written depiction of a sex averse ace (probably aro, haven't finished the book yet) character i personally have ever seen. and in a fantasy setting!! without taking me out of it by trying to shove modern terms or sensibilities in there!!! genuinely incredible

[my-castles-crumbling]

I have a problem Cas… I think im in love. 

Okay so, there’s this girl. We’ve been best friends like 5 years. I mean i’ve always- okay I don’t know how to explain this. 

I’m basically a fan-fiction come to fucking life. 

So i’m Demisexual, and last year I decided to come out to my family. I don’t know if other Demi ppl have preferences of gender, but I don’t. Honestly labels confuse me. I’m not sure if technically i’m Biromantic and Demisexual but hey, the point is- and what I explained to my family- that i’d be open to dating anyone. 

Basically i was telling them I wasn’t straight. (Obviously Demisexual is also about sexual activities and people and stuff but I wasn’t gonna try and explain to my parents that I don’t really get attracted to random ppl- cause they don’t get it- and I didn’t want to accidentally start talking abt sex). 

So anyway, they were not happy. Have you watched Brooklyn Nine-Nine? There’s this clip where the character Rosa comes out as Bi and her parents are like “That’s okay, since you can still date a man and marry a man and be normal” and they were like that for me (i’m a girl in case that wasn’t obvious- so they wanted me to date a man).

And I didn’t really care to be honest. I had an equal level of straight friends to queer friends, I felt suitably in both worlds. I truly love my family. They’ve always been good to me. But they did imply if I did end up with a girl, they wouldn’t want to meet/know her.

Not to mention the religious trauma. I spent a shit ton of time listening to ppl tell me that same-sex marriage and relationships are a “sin”. Hell- there was this one rlly lovely women at church when I was like 9, but she got kicked out when they congregation found out she was a lesbian. (Okay- not kicked out but like bullied into leaving).

So it was fine for me to accept that I could potentially date a women since i’ve never felt immediate attraction to anyone, it never felt totally real. 

BUT NOW I HAVE A PROBLEM. So my best friend (who is also a girl) of 5 years. She’s amazing. She’s literally the funniest person i’ve ever met, she’s so generous and has helped me so much, and she’s just adorable. She’s like fucking sunshine. And ngl, I don’t often like people who are so cheery all the time because it feels fake and I like people around me to be honest. 

But she just, she has this way of finding the beauty in the stupidest things and it’s so cute. We got splashed by a car the other day, drenched both our outfits, and instead of being mad, she got all excited and had us do a photoshoot in our crazy soaked clothes, and then got all excited that we could cuddle under a duvet and watch a movie with snacks once we got home cause apparently that’s the only acceptable thing people can do after being covered in water (which is exactly what we did).

And she’s not unreasonably happy, you know? Like when people try to cheer people up at bad times and make everyone more sad, she’s not like that. Whenever i’m upset, or mad, she’ll doodle these cute little flowers on coloured paper and write things she loves about the world on the back of them, and once i’m done ranting abt how annoying the world is, she’ll give it to me and smile. She has the best smile.

I have this jar, I write the date on them and put the paper in the jar. 

We’ve been best friends five years, she started doing that like four years ago and i’ve had the jar pretty much from the start. 

It’s always been easy to be around her. We sort of knew each other for like a year, and then I blinked, and we were best friends. I read all the books she gives me even though the plot is super cheesy cause she loves talking about them, I learnt how to bake all her favourite snacks her mum made, cause she’s pretty far from home and honestly a tragic baker. And she cooks dinner (don’t ask how she can’t bake to save her life but is the most incredible cook, it’s unbelievably ridiculous) for us a lot, she learnt to make my fav food. 

We technically live together, we’re at the final year of uni (maybe not tho depending on our next courses, I dunno) so we’ve been living together this year, but before that, I basically spent most of my time around her place anyway.

So yeah, we’re friends. But I realised a few months ago that i’m pretty, definitely, in love with her. I think i’ve felt like this for about a year and it just hadn’t quite clicked yet. 

(I had this awful day and came back to our place to see her genuinely painting our wall a different colour of white. She paints as a hobby and accidentally splatter a ton of blue paint on the wall and freaked out and tried buying white paint to cover it when it wouldn’t wash of and she was sat on the floor with white paint all over her and the wall still blue. 

She told me the story and I burst out laughing. I explained you often need white primer first, to cover the blue, and then to buy the correct shade of white, since ours was sort of chill white and she’d bought bright white. 

It’s the type of thing that would’ve annoyed me so much at the end of such a tough day, but because it was her, I just found it adorable. That’s when it clicked, I love her. She noticed I was tired immediately and felt bad cause she realised i’d had a bad day. I said this cheered me up, cause it did. Then we made dinner together and spent the night reading on the sofa with music on. 

We went to the shop the next day to get the correct stuff and luckily our wall is back to looking almost exactly the same). 

So yeah, I love her. Plus like, being demi, I don’t usually find ppl attractive… I mean i’ve always known she’s aesthetically pleasing, she has good fashion sense and stuff, but like, I tend to view all people as the same sort of level of attractive. BUT NOW ITS LIKE- SHES FUCKING BEAUTIFUL. It’s kind of annoyingly actually. How is everyone not spending all day gazing at her eyes. They’re fucking caramel, like a book character. She says they’re brown but she’s wrong. In dull lighting they seem brown but they’re like dark orange (amber i guess) with little hues of green, but in the sun they’re really bright and caramel and warm. 

She’s a lesbian btw. So theoretically I’ve got a shot. Also, i’ve always been good at reading people and I know she’s had like a small crush on me at least twice in our friendship. You can tell sometimes. 

But recently, it’s been a wreck. I’m so distracted cause i’m in love with her I can’t think, and my friends keep telling me she loves me back but I can’t keep my head on straight long enough to try and tell. 

But. If I do get my head out of my ass and tell her and she does end up wanting to date me, what the fuck am I supposed to do then. Cause if it does work out, i’m pretty sure it’ll last. 

My parents never totally liked her (they probably saw this coming- but I think in the homophobic, all queer ppl date each other, way and not the, they’re meant to be together, way) and if ended up having to tell them i’m actually dating a women, they’d be pissed. 

I always thought i’d end up with man, since it’s easier. No religious guilt about that. But I can put aside my own brains stupidity for her. But I can’t change my parents. But aside from this, they’re literally amazing. But I also know them and I truly don’t think they’ll change.

All my friends having been saying me and her should’ve been dating this entire time. I don’t know, I like to think now would be kinda perfect. I always knew she was gonna be in my life forever, I guess I just got so used to imagining myself with a man I forgot she was an option? That I could be with her romantically forever. You know, assuming she wants to date me.

(We’ll see about that. I’m really not sure. But i’m totally shit at keeping my own secrets so i’m planning to tell her soon if not just for the sake of my own sanity. All my friends say she’ll reciprocate, if she doesn’t, then I guess i’ll go from there, she’s not the type to be weird or bothered that we live together despite it. And if she does… then I have to decide what to do next. My other best friend is literally always right when it comes to our friends dating lives, and she has faith we’ll end up together, so we’ll see I guess) 

But if she does. If she does I’ll have to get into it with my family. I don’t want to lie to them. And I know I shouldn’t judge, but I honestly don’t think they’ll change their minds. I think they���ll say I can come visit whenever, but not bringing my partner. And I won’t want that. And we’ll all argue.  

I never liked knowing my parents didn’t accept this side of me, but I guess I never considered it would be an actual problem i’d have to deal with someday. 

I spend a lot of my time trying to figure myself out. I haven’t had the easiest path in life. But with her, it’s so easy. It’s easier to understand what I like, it’s easier to talk about things, and I fully trust her not to be weird. Or leave. Or get mad for nothing. I don’t have to walk on eggshells around her. I trust her. We don’t argue much. We have, what she calls, three different type of arguments. 

One, “bad mood argues”. She finds it so hilarious that it rhymes. You have to say it with the syllables. Bad-Mood Ar-Gues. We have these cookies in the freezer that we make every month. If one of us is having a bad day, we cook a few cookies to eat and I bought this dumb fridge magnet of a cookie to put on the fridge to signify it’s a cookie worthy bad day. 

Another one is “justifiable anger”. That doesn’t happen much. When we first met, she had this tendency to not tell me when I did something that upset her, and it’d spiral, and i’d be mad she wasn’t talking about why she was mad. So we have a rule to always talk about problems, even the little things. For example, her yelling into the phone to her family for hours while i’m trying to study- she has planned days now, so I can go to the library or she can go out if necessary, or keep the convo below 45 min, her mums like half deaf so she does have to shout, but it’s also VERY loud. Basically we comprise. And make sure no anger builds up.

The third type of argument is, what our friends call, “married idiots”. As in, she shouldn’t use the siri talk thingy while driving cause it never understands what she’s trying to say and so I get jumbled texts that mean nothing and then she thinks she’s told me something she hasn’t told me. She’s nearly understanding that one 🤦‍♀️ And you know, the classic colour of something argument (it’s purple- she’s wrong).  

Anyway. I forgot my point. Oh yeah, everything’s easier with her. I feel comfortable. If i’m being totally honest… i’m pretty sure if I ask her out, she’ll say yes. Like 80% sure. Im just scared to fuck this up, and cause family problems. Cause yeah, she’s worth the drama, but also, it’s her that’ll be being insulted right? She very likely won’t be allowed in my house. I don’t want this to ruin what we already have. 

So yeah. That. I could really do with some advice ❤️

Hi <3

If you do not ask this girl out, I will physically pass away.

Like...I'm not usually so pushy with asks, but you're describing a relationship, hon. This is a relationship. I'm not sure if you follow me because of the Marauders, but you two are literally Wolfstar, And I'm shipping the two of you so hard right now.

If, for some insane reason, she turns you down, it's because she doesn't realize she's in love with you, too.

As far as your family...again, I'm going to be more blunt that usual. You're going to have to face their lack of acceptance for you at some point. It's absolutely shit that they don't accept you, but like...don't let that stop you from being with this girl. Because even if you put off their feelings now, you'll have to deal with it someday, and then you might miss out on an amazing girl.

Please update me. I need updates. I am so invested. I am DYING for updates.

God, I'm rereading all the things you wrote and I'm kicking and giggling. You two are ridiculously adorable. Please kiss her already (with consent).

I'm naming you purple anon. Please write back.

[winderlylandchime]

I wrote this all out while pretending to work and actually working so it’s a little all over the place. But now I’m laughing reading it back because it genuinely looks like one of the “check up” texts I send to mom/dad about my brother. Minus the qaf related topics at the end. Anyway, hi! Hope you’re doing well and had a good start of the week! And now back to the idiot I’m related to:

Take a guess who has been listening to Lover’s spit sincere yesterday? I’m talking sitting outside, drinking his coffee while it’s absolutely freezing and listening to Lover’s spit like he’s in some sad music video. (Btw the songs he listened to were Lover’s spit, you look so fine (which was in like s1 so he was really going through it), Save the last dance, Here nor there and true faith. And this was on a loop!) And the only thing he has “said” to me so far is just a simple lip smack with a side eye whenever he looks at me. So i’d say he is doing as expected but he’s also upset with me for making him like the show (bc yeah, i did that. I made him have a crush on Brian)

He also has bunch of doctor check ups today and I can only drop him off and later pick him up since my work is hectic since holiday’s are coming up. And ngl i am keeping all the doctors and nurses in my thoughts today. Usually (even tho it doesn’t look like it) i stop him or at least limit his ramblings so i have no clue how today will go. He might surprise me and behaves like an adult. Also he said that he barely slept overnight because he kept thinking about what could happen in the last 3 episodes and in case you wanted to know, he told me that through the cat. As in ‘Brian, guess who didn’t sleep today cause of Justin and the other Brian? That’s right, me’ and yes, it was said in a baby voice. I did also get a text from his friend asking me if he’s doing okay cause apparently he sent him a voice memo “talking about Brian and how he’s really worried about him” and my brother has absolutely no memory of even sending that. All this is just after 5x09. I am mentally not prepared for him after the finale.

But to answer some of your questions since I didn’t have the chance to yesterday: He only watches the American RuPaul. And he watched season 5 because of Jinkx (on Saturday he watched the video they did with Trixie a few years ago so he started to miss them). And yes, he has managed to drag the entire family into qaf although grandma has no fucking clue what or who he’s talking about so she just nods her head and smiles. And grandpa only knows about it through grandma who is even less reliable than my brother. But he is very happy that he found a hobby even tho at first he thought Brian was his friend. So basically: yes, he has made it everyone’s problem.

And you saying he’s just like Debbie if she was a man made me laugh so hard cause I’ve been thinking the same thing! Im glad someone agrees with me. And I’m happy(?) to report that 3 of our cousins and our aunt(!) actually got in trouble with our grandpa because it turns out they had bets going on if he’ll figure out by the end of the show that he might be a little queer. And then during a family dinner last week it was revealed that it was our uncle who was the one behind the bets and it was his husband who exposed him (yes the uncles whose wedding he went to with rainbow hair). And no it was not cause he thought the bets were immature but because my uncle didn’t let him be in charge with him. So I’d say the whole family is kinda waiting to see what happens and also treating it like their personal entertainment since we do tend to be more chill with these topics (which is such a huge blessing and we really are lucky about the fact that they dont even bat an eye at anything queer related including coming outs). Also I honestly have no idea how he will react to the proposal. I keep trying to think about it and I can never pinpoint his reaction. His reaction to the comic book was as if he saw the worst thing ever so we shall see. Which tbh same, i always hated that cover story :/

As for the Gale/Randy/Hal thing: first of, I didn’t expect that people were going to later talk about it to you so i hope I didn’t cause problems for you of any kind. But I do admit that even years later, it’s still a topic that has me curious since we know so little and since the lack of social media meant they (aka hal) was shady in interviews. Who does that omg? But also: i was so shocked when he said that. Wish you could see him cause he really had that look in his eyes as if he was there and saw them arguing every day and had inside knowledge and like I was the one who didn’t know anything about qaf. You could literally see the wheels turning in his head trying to figure out if he was right or not. I do wonder how he will feel about it once I tell him the little info I know about.

Btw, im glad to hear you cat is doing well. It is the absolute worst when an animal is sick since they can’t tell you what’s wrong. So please give Emmett some kisses and pets!

Oh and the most important part: your little teasers about your fic are making me lose my mind. Nonbinary Gus?! Older Brian?? I might lose my mind completely when i get the chance to read it.

Anon! I was just texting Europe about your brother. It’s now 12:45 as I start to write this and look:

I’m so glad you wrote because I wanted to remind you and let you make a decision based on whether he’s been paying attention to the titles.

I’m sorry I find it so funny he’s angry with YOI for making him care so much about this show and fall in love with Brian. It’s like when my dogs are mad at me for the rain. (If you’re doing math I have 2 dogs, 2 cats, all rescues because some lesbian stereotypes are accurate.)

Your family is taking bets about whether your brother is going to come out as so form of queer? I love that! Way better than the qaf family taking bets about how long Justin and Brian were going to last.

Don’t worry about mentioning the drama from the cast! I’m still so impressed with how insightful your brother is and how much he’s picked up on everything that the fandom discusses at length. The dynamics between the cast were bound to be one.

Emmett the cat continues to do well and come back from poor pathetic sickly mewmew to absolute bastard of a cat. We love to see it.

I am hoping to start posting my fic next week. I was hoping to have more done but oh well! I need the pressure of readers to focus lol. I’m so glad you’re excited!

[theodoraflowerday]

heartstopper s2e6 live episode reaction

okay

would you feel better if I waited here? - no please come with me

oh I'm going thru it

AAAAAAAAAA the cringe it is UNBEARABLE

children of not-super-estranged-but-still-not-close dads all over the world are going AA

"ah I miss that boy" THAT IS YOUR SON OH MY GOD

oh my fucking godddddddddd

sarah is the only functional parent in this series sweet baby jesus

"he just doesn't know me" oh my god

oh my god I shouldn't have watched this at work LMAO

haha oh my fucking god

OH MY GOSHSKFJDKRJDKGJFKRJDLRK

THOSE BOYS ARE SO HAPPY

SAHAR'S "BUT IT WASN'T A MISTAKE!!!"

THREE TIMES?????

oh my god I want a group of friends lol

omg tao went WHAT ARE WE on elle skdlfjslgkdlfk

DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT GIVING ME ANOTHER HICKEY SJFKDJFKDJFKFJG

NOOOOIKDJFKDJ

I GET STRESSED ABOUT EVEYRYTHING YOU'RE NOT SPECIAL

nick how are you this perfect

oh my GOD MR AJAYI AND MR FAROUK AAAAAAAAAA

oh man I know "I don't think there's an age limit on those tbh" is gonna hit all of us dumb adults watching this show jdkfjdktjdktjd

YOU FLIRTING WITH ME? - MAYBE JAKFJDKFJFLDJFLFUFODIDPSO

DARCY'S PRESENT FOR TARA IM IN TEARSJDKFJSKFJDL

the lil moment with nick and charlie seeing other queer people I am going to rip all of my appendages

charlie spring: hoodie thief

NOT THE RECHARGING BITNIM LOSING MY MIND

they're SO SOFT IM DYING

I hate you - no! you like me! - I really don't HSKFJSKFJDKFJ KILL ME

EVERYTHING HAS TO BE PERFECT FOR TARA SHE'S A PRINCESS OH I'M DUINGJFKFJDKJF

I want to grab tara and hold her and never let her go my baby girl

NOT TAO AND ELLEJSKFKSLFKSLFISLFI

LMFJSLFJSLFK charlie's got fuckin game oh my god this loser ass bitch has THREE people crushing on him (though like I don't think you can call nick's feelings a crush when he's his future husband AND ben is a psychopath)

I have been relating probably a little TOO MUCH to isaac this season ngl

"we keep escaping parties to hang out with each other" "are we gonna do it every time?" "I hope so" oh okay yeah that just sent me into a spiral

I want your midnights but I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on new years day ass behavior my lord

soulmatism idc

"not running away this time though" "please don't" jesus fucking CHRIST

did y'all know I love darcy cause I love darcy

charlie's "no" and then closing the door on harry HSKFJSKFJDKFJ ICON BEHAVIOR

now I need someone to shove ben down that balcony

imogen and sahar? oh that was scorned lover type of behavior I'm seeing the vision

CHARLIE COME ON I KNOW YOU'VE LOVED ME FOR YEARS

OH MY GODKDLSKDLSKDLSKSLD

I don't understand why they keep inviting ben to these things. that man is like literally a fun murderer. he's an asshole in many ways but also like fucking gross idc

OH LGO

OH SHIT NICK

OH NICK

OH BABY

OH THAT WAS SO BRAVE

me, who has read those books like a hundred times: OH NO WHAT COULD HE POSSIBLY BE SAYING

james is so fuckin sweet "do you wants us to keep it a secret" oh baby

AAAAAAAAAAA

oh my fucking GOD darcy jesus

not even a discretion shot? fuck that was ajdksjfldnno

"why did I get into teaching" same

the piggyback I'll fucking DIE

those hugs look so comfy jesus christ

they're literally the most precious baby boys I'm going to fucking die

my GOD that's whore behavior right there

oh my god that's so fucking cute

the muffled WHY ARE WE LIKE THIS I'm

IMOGEN IS CUDDLED UP WITH SAHAR OG MY HOD

"I have to be perfect for you" DARCY BABY NOOOOOOOOOOO

oh baby darcy

OOOOOH MY GOD YOUSSEF

OOOOHHHHHHH

me, knowing everything that happens w mr farouk and mr ayaji: AAAAA WHATS GONNA HAPPEN

I'm actually so obsessed with nick constantly using charlie as a pillow lmao

THE MR FAROUK PHOTOODOFIODFIOSDILDGJDKKFK

oh man that episode was so fucking sweet even though it made me cry lmao

[silverislander]

Hi Lee! For the ask game: 🔥, 🧡, and 🦚

🔥: how has the way you think about yourself changed since you realized you were queer?

oof,, kind of a lot lol. coming from a really christian upbringing i did originally start out fucking terrified? like other people could be gay, i wasn't homophobic necessarily, but bc i was a Good Christian Girl i personally could not like women or at least not only women. i figured if i also liked men then i could just... not date women :)) and that would be ok :))))) and i would never tell anyone and lie about it forever. the idea made me as miserable as it sounds and i figured out pretty quick shoving it all down wasn't gonna fly lol. pro tip you cannot just stop a crush by avoiding it and praying for it to go away! who knew!

so now things have COMPLETELY changed for me. for one i'm not religious anymore, but i'm also at a point where being a lesbian feels like the only right way for me to be instead of smth wrong and shameful. i can't really imagine myself being anything else?? it feels sort of like a way to make sense of the stuff that was already there too, like realizing why the thought of having a wedding in the future was smth that i didn't like thinking about or why i never got into boy bands lmao

🧡: how has the way you presented yourself (ex. clothing, hairstyle, etc) changed since you realized you were queer?

also a lot!! i was actually a. very girly kid lmao which surprises people sometimes. i wore a lot of pink/dresses/glitter and all that (in part bc i didn't really realize i had other options- i didn't know what being gay or trans was until i was in my teens and the idea of bein gnc was not presented as a good thing, and until i was like 14 my hair was literally down to my waist- i literally never cut it short before and had been intending on keeping it that length or more Forever

one of the things i did when i was trying to figure out my sexuality was reading abt other people's sexualities and their histories and experiences online, and when i figured out i was gay it clicked pretty fast that i also had Gender Feelings that made sense in conjunction with being a lesbian. aka i'm butch. we do not talk about the phase where i owned multiple snapbacks and wore them in public but i did do that. basically went as hard in the stereotypical masculine lesbian direction as i could as a young teenager at the time, chopped my hair off bought combat boots you know how it is

overall i think it went like Little Girl™ -> the Exact stereotype of a lesbian in the 2010s, flannel and bad hat choices etc etc -> kinda just some butch :) i like a jacket i like fun pins i basically live in jeans and t shirts. i'm honestly really happy looking the way i do now ngl

🦚: are there any queer books/shows/etc that you would suggest?

so ofc i just finished one last stop by casey mcquiston recently and it absolutely OBLITERATED me, 1000/10 loved it. i'm also almost finished out of salem by hal schrieve which has been neat!! there's a lot of really well thought out worldbuilding, the mc is a nonbinary zombie which i think is rad but i'm not Quite sure what i think of it yet lol. and the miseducation of cameron post meant a lot to me in high school despite how much it also hurts in a cathartic sort of way :") look up the tws if you're looking at that one but highly recommend tho

[imprettybookish]

Felix ever after review This book is about a transgender boy names Felix who has never been in love (despite his last name being Love). He loves his transgender, back, queer identity but also struggles with them. Once he started getting anonymously bullied and deadnamed alongside photos of him pre-transition. He comes up with a plan for revenge which turns into a strange love triangle and many self realisations. ✨ I couldn’t emotionally connected to this book until about half way through which I was so frustrated about! Cause it’s the exact type of genre and writing I normally love. But once I got into it half way through oh my god was I crushed, happy, confused just so many emotions. By the end I was just crying happy tears and couldn’t stop smiling! The plot of this book was amazing I couldn’t put the book down (except the times when I got second hand embarrassment ahh) The characters are all amazing. We love an all queer characters book. Leah was fucking amazing oh my god her at the end. Leah and Ezra just constantly sticking up for Felix was my favourite thing to see it just made me so happy. Ezra also took my heart he was just such an amazing best friend throughout the book! Felix had so much character development throughout the book. He got cut down and still was about to rebuild himself every time 🤍 The ending now. I do love how it ended. I did like both potential relationships ngl wouldn’t of been made with either of them. I do however think there were a few unanswered questions. There are still things I wanna know! I think this book is just going to be a standalone but I wouldn’t be mad it a prequel came outOverall I gave it 4.5 stars! I would give it 5 but I just wasn’t emotionally invested in it until about 200 pages in! However I highly recommend this to everyone so if tit’s just such an incredible book ⭐️ Age Range: 15+ Genre: Contemporary  Star rating: 4.5 stars ⭐️

[steponmepinkjun]

I NEVER FINISHED MY STORY OMG. ok so i left off at being too proud to tell my friend she was right and kpop fucked hard. the difference between u and me is that i’m too good of a liar. too good. i kept up the “i hate kpop it’s cringe” facade for ALMOST TWO WHOLE YEARS, I SHIT YOU NOT. why? bc my dumb ass, extra ass, dramatic ass self thought “ok if i’m gonna have to deal with the embarrassment of admitting i’m wrong, i better do it in such an extra ass way it’ll knock ur socks off so hard that YOULL be the one embarrassed not me.” the original plan was to learn the entire choreography to bts dope, bc it’s the song that she told me to listen to and inevitably the song that got me into them, but later switched to bts fire bc i saw too many of those “choreo matches w any song” videos, and then her birthday party came up. and here’s the real kicker. her birthday is April Motherfuckin Fools. so it would be So Perfect for me to reveal my kpopism as a birthday present And a april fools prank in one. so i was Set on the Reveal being on april 1st, but the day rolls around and god that choreo is so fucking hard and i am Not a dancer. never have been. so i abandon that and go ykno what… i’ll do it Next Year. BC MY BITCHASS WAS LIKE NO THE MOMENT IS TOO PERFECT TO DO IT ON A NORMAL ASS DAY ITS GONNA BE ON APRIL FOOLS ON HER GODDAMN BIRTHDAY OR NOT AT ALL. a year rolls by, i’ve told most of our friends except her and they’re all in on it, i’d made so many subtle kpop references to her without her realising they were fully intentional and had too many scares where she almost figured me out but i lied my way out of it, and i’d given up on showing off with choreography bc i couldn’t make that shit look good. i’m not a dancer. i am, however, a rapper, and a damn good one, so i inhaled the agust d mixtape and decided i’d just rap the eminem of kpop’s anthem at her face. in korean. and change the lyrics at the end (if u haven’t listened to agust d, the bridge repeats “i’m sorry” a lot) to “i’m sorry i kept this from u for so long” and “i’m sorry i actually ult got7 not bts” (this was like the april after skz debuted ok i was holding onto got7 for dear life knowing full well skz we’re going to convert me smh) and the best part? she never saw it coming. her official present was a cd with a bunch of kpop on it but she thought it was just a personalised mixtape for her so i told her to play the first song out loud and she knew the song Instantly. it has a long intro so she was like “i guess u did listen when i recommended u this song!! i knew you’d like it since u like rap so much!!” and then i started rapping and i shit u not. she started SCREAMING. like the initial reaction was her jaw dropping and then instinctively covering her mouth but when i kept going and she realised i wasn’t fucking around she just fucking screamed like a banshee. at the end during the sorry bit i threw off my jacket to reveal a got7 shirt on the inside and she fell off her chair and started rolling around on the floor. needless to say it was every bit as satisfying as i thought it’d be LMAOOOO afterwards her ass was like “I CANT BELIEVE U HID THIS FROM ME FOR OVER A YEAR” and when i tried to explain my ego couldn’t take the “i told u so” she was like “you know i wouldn’t have made fun of you for it right? i would just be glad you’re not hating on my boys anymore” so basically i’m a big dramatic fool and she was always too good for me.

don’t mind the weird spaces here my ipad is being all fucky wucky w me rn. damn sad to hear ur sideblog experience didn’t go so well, i’d have shown u the cool side of the fandom if i knew 😤😤 leading u thru the cursed halls of kpop stan tumblr like a sketchy tour guide that’s actually 3 small raccoons stacked on top of each other like a trench coat, like “over here we have the fanfic writers that honestly need to publish a book, over here we have the gif makers that are responsible for my entire camera roll, if we take a quick swerve past the death threat anons and the twt fanwar screenshots - mind ur feet bub the 14 year olds were tryna make a grab for ur ankles - ah here’s the holy grail of shitposts, you might be here for hours, to the right we have the weird aussie side of the fandom that projects our childhoods onto chanlix but also all the members as we decide what their life in australia would’ve been like, and down there is a secret trapdoor to the blogs w endless random headcanons that will make you laugh, cry or blush depending on if the author woke up and decided to choose violence today. enjoy your Stay!” but then again i’m not so active on tumblr anymore (ngl you’ve become the highlight of my tumblr experience these days, interaction wise,) so maybe all my Local Hotspots are inactive now. i know a bunch of them are, it’s sad. “i don’t fw stan twitter for the same reason i don’t hang out in meth dens” oop. guess i’m a meth addict. no but i get u i rly do, it’s a hellhole out there, but the fact that things get shared and spread a lot easier than on tumblr and how short most things have to be (therefor keeping up w my adhd attention span without having to resort to the mental torture that is tiktok, with the added bonus of not always needing headphones.) that i just. couldn’t leave if i tried. maybe i should try being active on tumblr again but it’s a dying site in comparison.

“their music doesn’t consistently hit for me as much as skz” i’m sorry we can’t be friends anymore. what. what. you don’t dramama ramama ramama hey? you don’t feel a little jealousyyyyyy, naega anin? you don’t shoot out, shoot out, shoot out, or aremdaeun love killa love killa? you can’t be your hero du du du du du du du du du dududu? u disappoint me. literally like everyone i know who likes skz music likes mx music like it’s a rite of Passage. they’re kindred spirits, monsta x music is like skz’s music’s cool but mildly heterosexual older brother. neither of them know what a bad song is it runs in the family. and both their music runs in my VEINS. whenever i describe my music taste they’re always the first two that come to mind, skz being my number 1 bc they are my best boys but mx bc of the Flavour. pls listen to the entire the code album then get back to me 😤🙌 ok but fr ur so right they are 7 of the finest men i ever seen (yes i say 7 bc i’m including wonho cause he deserved better and i’ll die on my ot7 bullshit.) like don’t get me started on them either LOL i LITERALLY downloaded that one insta video of changkyun working out his back n arm muscles w his tattoo showing bc i needed that shit saved for Science. they could do Anything w me like frfr. yes vixx is the bdsm contract group i’m telling ya they wildin. or at least they were. it’s been years since their last comeback idk what they’re doing anymore tbh. and yeah that makes sense, savouring the hyperfixation i feel it, but also i’m so attached to skz that i never let it die. like i hyperfixate on other things and other groups but i will Always go back to skz cause they’re my homeboys. hell, they’re my home. being a predebut stay i’ve spent more time w skz than most of my actual family members at this point. but that’s just me you do u boo xx just know that if ur anything like me ur never letting go once skz it’s been my longest lasting fixation cause they hit like Nothing Else Do. ik i’ve already said that but i cannot stress it enough. they’re really special. i’m gonna stop here before i get all sappy and emotional bc i really love those boys so fucking much and i don’t drop the L bomb often. SIDE NOTE I WOULD LIKE TO SEE UR LIST OF GROUPS RANKED BY THORSt. i need to judge ur Taste. and omg cat&dog is such a guilty pleasure song bc the lyrics make me cringe so much bc while pet play can be fun they be doing it in more of an “i’m an innocent soft dogboy uwu” kinda way that just Does Not Sit Right with me. it comes back to the objectifying of asians that asians themselves don’t help in industries like these and maybe i’m looking too far into it when rly it is just wholesome n cute or maybe they are into some pet play shit idk idc i will bop to the song regardless but i will not acknowledge the lyrics nope.

YOURE RIGHT THO SKZ’S OPENNESS IS IN FACT, A BIG DEAL, i’ll grab them for u if u want but i found these twt threads of skz supporting the lgbt community and i just felt a special kind of happiness man like sure the delusional part of me likes going “haha they’re gay” bc my brain likes to imagine them as my polycule of mlm boyfriends bc sometimes thats what gives me the serotonin to get me thru the day ok don’t judge but also bc it’s nice knowing that yes i’ll never know them personally, but at least i can support them knowing they’d respect my gender identity and my pronouns, they’d respect who i choose to love, and that’s already more than the general public can say so shit, it is special! it’s special that they don’t treat being cishet like the norm - they constantly remove gender from their songs and speech entirely, they don’t assume all stays are female anymore, we don’t talk abt the babygirls incident cause we got babystays in the end outta that ok, and it’s just. so refreshing and important to me bc i can’t get that anywhere else!! like my semi ults are the boyz and while i love them very much and there’s no way all 11 of them are straight i refuse, i do get just a little bit sad whenever they she/her their fandom by default and call them their girlfriends n shit even tho i do still identify as a girl, i’m also genderfluid/nonbinary/transmasc, and i have a very love/hate relationship w my womanhood and rarely use she/her pronouns, cause it’s like, do you not see me? see us? the ones who aren’t cishet women? i mean i know kevin does bc he congratulated a fan who came out as nb but it’s just not the same as the openness we get w skz. like how do i trust cishets i could be supporting them as a queer person when in reality they’d call me a slur. what would i know, behind the screen? so it’s so good that skz go the extra mile to make it a safe space for everyone. this is already long enough i will reply to the second half of that ask in another message… tomorrow cause it’s 1am and i’m tired gn -felix bi anon

I'mma have to start putting these under a readmore so that i don't absolutely make everything who is still following me for some reason go totally fucking insane 😂

NDJDHWJJAHFNAKBSJSBFBHHDBDNAJD YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE FACES I WAS MAKING READING THIS, I WAS FUCKING CACKLING AND GASPING EVERY OTHER SENTENCE SO HARD THAT I SCARED THE CATS NDJWHSHSB the fact that you went "oh you want me to get into kpop? Give me a hot minute, and I'll give you a whole ass private concert for free" biduehsjdbd biiiiiiiiiiitch you're a fucking ICON, I stg I could NEVER 😂 (and not just because I couldn't find a tune if you gave me a printed set of Google maps directions and that I embody the steriotype that white people can't dance, like my sister kept sensing me tiktoks of the whole "dance like a white girl" trend going lmfao look it's you and eventually I was like "sis please this trend has me feeling like being white is a disability and these mothafuckers are being ableist 😭 also I could NEVER be that on beat so yall ain't even doin it right 😭😭😭😭"). Tbh if I told one of my friends (lol what friends, i got jokes) to get into Skz and they showed up at my bday and performed the entirety of I Got It I would simply shower them in money and go "aight everyone else go home, you are no longer needed, you are being laid off, your position has been eliminated, we're downsizing, the company is moving up and you're moving out, you are not qualified for this role any longer, best of luck with future endeavors" 😊

I think part of the reason I can't deal w Twitter is the exact reason I refuse to leave tumblr, in that I've been on tumblr since 2006 and twt since 2008, and tumblr literally has not changed at all, not even a little, whereas going from the early days of twt where there were no corporate sponsorships or ads and you had to manually copy and paste someone's tweet and @ them to retweet it, to how it is now, like 90% ads and showing me shit from the timelines of people I don't even fuckin follow n whatnot, it's just not enjoyable. Idk how anyone finds anything on twt, it confuses and frustrates me because I am old and have not adapted well to technology changing 😂 But arguably, the skz fanbase doesn't want me on skztwt anyways so like it works for both of us lmfaooo. I am old and cringey, and also still think of twt as stream of consciousness whereas tumblr is your teenage bedroom where you can decorate the walls with anything that interests you. I do really love the nonsensical kpoptwt shitposts tho fhshsbdjjss like it is a very specific flavor of mental instability that I enjoy immensely 😂 OH and also I initially misread part of that and thought you were saying you actually irl do meth and I was like 😳 WHAT DO I SAY TO THAT. HOW DO I HANDLE THIS. Like how do I express like "I wasn't being judgy of people who use substances cause I've been there but I was just being insensitive 😳" And then went back and reread it and was like WHEW, IM JUST AN ILLITERATE FOOL 😂😂😂😂 ejeywhdhrhjwbfbdjshdhdhd I spent like an hour bwign like "IS THE REASON WE GET ALONG BECAUSE THEY'RE ON METH???? WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS INFORMATION??????" hrhehshe I am literally a fuckin idiot it's fine

It's not that I don't fw them, it's more like... Okay so like there is no situation in which I am going to skip a skz song if it comes on shuffle. You will not ever catch me NOT in the mood to listen to Sunshine, if God's Menu comes on we are THROWIN the meager amount of booty meat I got hither and thither, I could be in the happiest mood of my life but if Ex comes on I will stop to SOB. And I'm not like that with most music, so mx just falls into the category of "there is a time and place." Idk why but it just doesn't forcibly grab hold of my heart and ass the way skz always does. I really don't WANT my skz fixation to ever end, but I know that eventually it'll stop giving me dopamine bevause my brain is my worst fucking enemy 🙃 like my arcana fixation is to date the longest running hyperfixation I've ever had, going on almost three years, and I used to not be able to spend every single second of every day thinking about Asra, but now... I just feel nothing when I look at arcana stuff. As you can probz tell by the fact that I hardly post arcana anymore 😂 So I know that eventually all my happiness will end, it always does, I can never stay just as obsessed with something as I was for long. I CANT SHARE THE LIST BECAUSE I DONT *HAVE* TASTE YET 😭 I'm basically just compiling a list of any group someone tells me I should look into, ranked by how strong the kitty purred upon googling pics of them 😂 My mom read my ass to FILTH over txt lmfao she was like "they're not that adorable. Maybe your standard for adorableness has gone down with You Know Who still on hiatus 🤔" bfjwhdhd like MOMMAAAAA THE LIBRARY IS CLOSED 😂 she attacks me any time I even hint at stanning other groups, she is a skz purist and stans skz only, unofficial Momma Stay of All Stays keeping me in check lmfao.

I feel like skz really do follow thru on their promise that they're a safe space for stays, it's nice to see that they hold space for anyone and everyone in their fanbase and do it in a really simple and elegant way, I feel. Like they never make it seem like "okay here are the fans and here are the token weirdos that were only recognizing to make a buck off of them" the way a lot of artists make it feel like 😑 like they don't go out of their way to act like it's some revolutionary act to do the bare minimum of not shitting on certain parts of the fandom, if that makes sense. They feel very "yeah, of course we love all our stays, this is a welcoming space for literally anyone, that's how it should be, that should be normal," instead of like "Hi fans we love you 😊 and special shoutout to you ell gee bee tee folk, make sure to buy my rainbow merch after the show!!!" you know? Like, they're the friends who would never make you feel weird or different for some shit, the friends that take the attention off you if something they know ur sensitive about comes up, instead of weirdly snapping at whoever brought the unfomfy thing up which ruins the mood and makes you feel tiwce as bad, yk? They just give off this vibe that they, and the space they create with their music, is just a genuine and chill place to be and hang out and relax and bond. I feel like they'd be the friend group that is so goofy and sweet and silly and accepting and lovely and always makes you feel loved and excited to be alive 🥺 They are all good noodles 🥺🥺🥺

[at-the-exd-of-everythixg]

Ok uh DND HEADCANONS aka welcome to fantasy queer eye

Ava: A tiefling paladin. Bonar Fidea ("BONER?" "Shut the fuck up Sal.") Is sworn to her mission to protect the group of travellers she's met. Especially when faced with a particular half orc,,,ahem, Bonar is intent on doing good, not for the cost of gold, but to perhaps wipe her hands of bloodshed left over from a suffocating war that she refuses to talk about....just a shame that the rest of her party doesn't agree with the motives.

Mimi: Dwarf fighter named Viet Clearwater ("'Cause she drags her enemies through the fucking mud!"). Dwarf milf -

("wait," Lace squints and Mimi grins. "How is she a milf??" "WELL. You know that thing where a woman gets out of the fire and shakes her head? That's that." Everyone waits for a moment before nodding appreativatevly.)

- who worked in a blacksmiths for many years before meeting Sal's character and ending up joining his kid onto becoming fantasy bounty hunters for a few months before meeting the others. Viet's personal mission is to get a beach day yet each plot ends up derailing her from it each and every time.

Finn: Druid Elf called Roisen-Mae Maylar who worked in fantasy Greggs before Bonar robbed them and Roisen-Mae was the one who was sent after her due to him being "the new guy". Long story short, Roisen-Mae realised he was underpaid and joined Bonar in her avenging for justice, quickly realising that "justice" was conceived of breaking into places and killing people in order to free others. Roisen-Mae kinda wishes he could go back to Fantasy Greggs but...he likes the feeling of adventure in his blood, likes helping people in such a freeing manner.

Sal: Elvish Bard named Chester. Out here playing the top hits of "I want thy love" and "I was created for loving thee." With the backups of Wulf's character. Realised that he could get more cash and that there was...fuck, there was something magic about his voice that struck the monsters and mysterious assassins often sent after the party for some reason.

("Wait so you're some sort of siren?" Pascal had begun to laugh as Sal sqwuaked in indignation. "No! Its- its magic! Shut up you solar piece of shit!")

Sure, murder wasn't was Chester was expecting. But fuck if it ain't gonna be fun (skksks ngl I'm...half wondering if Sal would let his dnd character be in love like I am with him and me being ace sksk)

Mahogany: No character since they struggle with grasping the game but they usually have someone sitting on their lap while they watch everyone play and suggest actions. Sometimes they're allowed to be monsters but often Mahogany is just there to get some cuddles.

Pascal: Orc rogue named Solgrindr The Rugged. 100% he's here to get jacked and each mission allows him to gain One Ab. His guns are huge but his heart is even huge-er and Solgrindr speaks with a fiery passion to sell his training regime and to collect a million fantasy numbers. Since. U know. Solgrindr has earned these by now.

("So you're a Chad?" Mimi squints and Pascal lifts up a hand in offense before Sal interjects. "YEAH PASCAL YOU AN INCEL?" Pascal cried a minute later. He just wanted to be ripped, was that too much to ask?)

Solgrindr is but a man of his whims and what's a bigger whim than a fiery battle and an even hotter romance? ("His sole goal is to romance Chester." Pascal says, smiling viciously when Sal chokes from across the table.) Its just a shame he hasn't been able to live up to his full power yet...

Edith: A half-orc paladin called Yanag Broifstïgnäh who is...basically a carbon copy of Edith but no one's gonna exactly argue with a 6'something Norse angel who everyone excluding Wulf and Dae, are attracted to her. Yanag fights with the same ire and power anyone else would have done to protect her party entirely. She gets a magical axe that apparently washes her into an entirely new and powerful form only once every game.

(Finn frowns, tilting his head curiously. "You made Edith into a magical girl?"

Doe blinks and for a moment, Finn shudders when his own eyes meet his. "Yeah. Is that what that's called? Coolio.")

Yanag saves and romances a woman with every town they go to, but it raises questions when she seems to deny their affections, just as its suspicious how black tar-like veins seem to spread on her the more she uses this power.

Wulf: A human ranger called Bob Greenson. Your average, typical human man who just so happens to believe in fate and adventure! He shall charm everyone and fight the good battles!

("So." Ava squinted and Edith tried to not smile. "He's playing as himself...but a human man?" Her question seemed to get a rough snort out of Edith and a slight nudge of the shoulders. "Aye, but 'tis what makes the man happy I suppose.")

Of course, Bob is on a strict mission to product review as many weapons as he possibly can for his company, Weap'n'throw, while perhaps finding a few good spots to camp out for the ol' family? How's it goin' neighbour? Sure there are some sale issues, what with everyone wanting to murder Bob, but what sales pitch doesn't come with a bit of haggling, hm? With his mighty band of sales assistants, please speak to Chester on aisle three for magical trumpets!

Adonai: Dungeon Master! It's a relief to be themselves and to still be able to interact with the games and everyone else. Doe was worried at first that they would have been left out while everyone got to be something different. They would have joined, but the idea of yet again forming a whole new identity, trying to find the balance and shifts...it sounded exhausting. They couldn't handle it.

Ava patted them and told Doe that they didn't need to be someone. They could think up the scenarios and risks and Joys. It wasn't often that they got an opportunity to take over and simply have fun with risking Mimi's life or trying to create romantic scenarios between Edith and Ava. Doe takes great pleasure in being the DM and it isn't uncommon for them to modify their body for certain campaigns.

Lace: A half-elf wizard named Elvish Presley (Everyone groans. Mahogany weeps. Edith demotes her Valkyrie ways. Sal becomes a nun.) Elvish is interested in learning all sources of magic and why their world works. Is there anything connecting them all? A reason for them being here? Elvish is determined to find out, no matter what the cost...mostly of himself though.

Whether he admits that he wouldn't allow his team to get hurt or not, that is entirely Elvish's thoughts and feelings alone. Quick! Put that healing spell away! We can't let these people know that we feel and yearn! But little does Elvish Presley know, everyone is aware that he is a giant nerd with a giant heart that weeps when Bonar rescues him from the angry orgre who's wagon dealership they ruined in a quest.

Dae: A dragonborn ranger named Torpa Armani who dreams of becoming a famous writer-

("Th-that's bas-basically what y-you do anywh-anyway." Morde squints as Wulf grins while Dae flushes and shakes his head. It's a weak argument, to hear your clone try and deny the elaborate romance novels he writes about his friends.)

-But! Sometimes you just get whisked away onto wild and heart melting adventures. Its hard to ignore how good it deeps to help other people with their problems. It seems that Torpa may just be finding out that there's more to life than romance or tragedy books for them. Especially if they seem so insistent on carrying a weapon and being willing to put their trust and faith within other people once more after being outcasted for who and what they are.

Peach: A tiefling ranger named Puddles Skipclear. Puddles was once a water nymph, but had been cursed into a more physical form that didn't allow her to touch water. She is bound to dry lands until Puddles is able to break her curse. Unfortunately, Puddles doesn't even seem to know what curse bounds her and changes her for possibly forever.

(Morde is quiet for a moment, not meeting his clone's eyes guilt makes his eyes and body dim and slouch. Dae does the same towards Mordecai and everyone tries to ignore the guilt that isn't there's suddenly shifting around the room.)

She likes the people she has chosen to travel with. They're silly and their quests don't always work out, but they're honest in helping Puddles and she wants to trust in them when they say that they will help her remove her curse. They're all rather different from her water sisters that faded away and slipped out of Puddles' too physical fingers, but she's begun to have high hopes about what this mission could mean for her along the way.

Mordecai: Orc rogue named Vecivus Brogun, who is a well renewed theft despite his size. Parties could only dream of having him upon their sides. It's easy to steal things from countless people, but it's harder to steal the secrets. Especially when such a strange party seems to hold so many of these secrets. Some of them have simple ideas and wants, but others?

Oh, there's mystery to them and contrary to what others believe about orcs, Vec is far more easily aware and shifty than most. If only the others would realise these and help him out with a few gigs...after all, is it so bad to steal from a dragon if said dragon had so many riches that he would have hardly noticed if a few went missing?

[mneiai]

So recently I read the two books out for The Folk of the Air and also the whole Throne of Glass series.

Here’s my quick review type things of each, with some vague spoilers (like mostly what you could figure out by reading the book descriptions) (also wow the descriptions of the Throne of Glass books are actually super spoiler-y lol). These are my personal thoughts and feelings.

The Folk of the Air (The Cruel Prince and The Wicked King) is really good. Way more time spent on faery stuff because, well, it’s almost entirely set in their world. Some child abuse and a shit ton of bullying, and torture, murder, sexual assault, and stuff like that. It can be a bit much at some points, ngl.

The main character is a girl who was taken from the human world and raised by the dude who killed her parents, along with her two sisters. She’s very isolated, both because she can’t really trust even her own family and because she’s a human, and therefore faces a ton of prejudice. But she manages to get power through wits, daring, and an unyielding need to survive (the world itself is dangerous for her, let alone the people in it, but she doesn’t feel like she has a place in the human world). Basically the one power she has as a human is that she can lie and she uses that to its full potential as much as she can.

The main romance is incredibly slow burn and very interesting imo. A sort of enemies to reluctant allies deal that’s fun to watch unfold and has a ton of foreshadowing. It’s a very faery-esque type of relationship, so involves trickery and betrayal and whatnot, which fits perfectly into that world.

The main other relationships are...not many. The main character basically has her complicated relationships with her family, a few allies who become friends in some regard, and then a massive amount of enemies. But each relationship is very unique, so I never had any confusion over who did what or who is what, etc.

The representation in the book is fairly good. The main character (and her twin sister) is Latinx, her older sister is a lesbian who is in a romantic relationship, there’s a fair amount of at least vague references to other people being some sort of queer, as well, including the last King.

I think one of my favorite parts of the books is that the main character is the protagonist, but we know she’s not really a hero. That no one in the books is really a good person. So we want her to get what she wants, but we aren’t being forced to think everything she does is morally good.

The third book comes out in November and I am so excited. The last ended on somewhat of a cliffhanger and I’ve read the released early chapters of this next one and already I can see what I think might be foreshadowing for some very cool shit.

Throne of Glass is by the same woman who wrote Court of Thorns and Roses which I found mindnumbingly dull, but this is much better. However, it has all the dark fantasy stuff, and also it gets like disturbingly anti-choice in the last two books. It also builds into being super, like, cissexist with some weird masculinity worship as the books go on, which I think may coincide with an increase in smut.

The main character is of that standard romance-fantasy Chosen One trope where they were The Best Ever at their skill (assassination) when they were a teenager and they’re The Most Powerful Ever basically after that. There’s a lot of “ooh, our main character just outsmarted everyone!” with a tell instead of show explanation for how they did it which started to wear on me, especially in the last book. Like the foreshadowing will be “she sent a letter!” which like...that’s not actually how foreshadowing is supposed to work lol

The main romance starts out as a love triangle between our heroine and two best friends. And then eventually that’s not a thing and she’s with some other dude. Who is...I don’t think half as hot as we’re supposed to find him? At least not for me. Their relationship also starts off with a lot of violence/threats of violence between them that isn’t actually necessary (like they could have started off cordial and it would have made no difference to the plot, unlike in The Folk of the Air where them being enemies was a major plot point). The other romances are way better, though, and somewhat make up for it.

The main other relationships are very good, much better than the main romance, and include a ton of really meaningful friendships and building a found family.

The representation in the books is kinda blah at first. We’re told a few of the more main characters are bisexual, but are never shown that and they all end up in het-looking relationships (over and over again) so bi/homophobic readers can largely ignore it. Most of the characters are written in a way to make them seem white if the readers want that, even if they don’t necessarily have to be, and the first character who definitely is not is fridged for a white person (like basically a major part of the entire series kicks off because this person gets fridged). I think it’s the fourth or fifth where they first introduce a definitely gay character who has definitely been in a gay relationship, who is a bitter, awful old man who fucks over our heroine a bunch. The sixth book has a new part of the world with a bunch of new characters who are definitely not white, but there’s like some exoticism and bullshit like that around them (and that’s also where the disturbing pro-fetus stuff starts, so, like, weird trade-off).

My favorite parts of these books is the world building and the supporting cast, for sure. The mythology that’s been built up is fairly cool, even with the derivative parts (omg, they use a term that GRRM literally made up for ASOIAF at one point and my secondhand embarrassment is huge lol). The main character I stop caring about so much like halfway through, but a lot of the other characters, including new ones that are introduced later in the series, are super interesting. And we get their POVs, because the books slowly start doing less and less of the main character’s POV as they go on (the sixth book doesn’t even have her in it).

The ending was just shades off of Harry Potter epilogue bad and way too neat and happy for me, but that’s what fanfic is for lol I’m skimming some of the books now just for that purpose.

[stainedglassgardens]

Watched in April

Erasing Eden

Destroyer

Unicorn Store

May the Devil Take You (Sebelum iblis menjemput)

People in Cars

Presentation

Ink

Hedgehog

Koyaanisqatsi

Wanda

The Silence

24 Davids

The Frame

The Talented Mr. Ripley

Baraka

Wayne’s World

Stories We Tell

Born in Flames

Jesse’s Girl

I Walked With a Zombie

Mary Goes Round

The Green Fog

Psycho

Someone Great

Indifferent stuff

Unicorn Store (Brie Larson, 2019)

May the Devil Take You (Sebelum iblis menjemput, Timo Tjahjanto, 2018)

People in Cars (Daniel Lundh, 2017)

Presentation (Danielle Kampf, 2017)

Hedgehog (Lindsey Copeland, 2016)

The Silence (John R. Leonetti, 2019): I’ll be honest, I only watched this because I love the lead actors... and ngl, the monster creatures were pretty nifty, but this was your standard-fare Netflix monster apocalypse film. On top of which I thought the heroes were pretty terrible people, as opposed to, for instance, the leads in Bird Box

Baraka (Ron Fricke, 1992): This just lacked the unity, purpose and general feeling of doom of Koyaanisqatsi... not to mention the music situation

Jesse’s Girl (M. Keegan Uhl, 2018)

Mary Goes Round (Molly McGlynn, 2017): Not that there’s anything wrong with this film, and Aya Cash is obviously wonderful in it, I’ve just... seen a lot of films that feel exactly like this (Hedgehog being another one of those, perhaps)

Pretty good

Ink and The Frame (Jamin Winans, 2009, 2014): I don’t love those but somehow I love the vision behind them -- and the aesthetics. I have found it hard to unearth small science fiction films that showed personality, and these are definitely two of those

Koyaanisqatsi (Godfrey Reggio, 1982): Let’s be honest, the best part about this is Philip Glass’s music -- but the whole film was pretty cool, and it’s one of those things where I can barely imagine seeing this in the cinema when it came out almost forty years ago

Wanda (Barbara Loden, 1970): It’s hard to say anything about this that isn’t super obvious but, it’s an important film, you should watch it

24 Davids (Céline Baril, 2017): This documentary is literally about twenty-four people all named David on four different continents, all doing different, unrelated things with their lives, but Céline Baril somehow makes this into be a coherent, fascinating whole -- about what exactly, I have no idea

The Talented Mr. Ripley (Anthony Minghella, 1999): I read the book a few months ago and thought I had to see this. The adaptation was pretty clever, and I loved the fact that they straight up invented a part just for Cate Blanchett

Wayne’s World (Penelope Spheeris, 1992): Believe me, I’m astounded too at how much I liked this

The Green Fog (Guy Maddin, Evan Johnson, and Galen Johnson, 2017): Vertigo meets Los Angeles Plays Itself, what more can I say?

Someone Great (Jennifer Kaytin Robinson, 2019): Just a good film about love and friendship and growing up

Favourites of the month

Erasing Eden (Beth Dewey, 2016): I had never heard of this film before I found it on Amazon Prime and decided to watch it because it was directed by a woman... and it’s one of those situations in which I have a pretty strong suspicion that the people who didn’t like it just completely misunderstood it -- but what can I say, I just really love a fucked-up leading lady -- and a good survival story, too

Destroyer (Karyn Kusama, 2018): This is a literal masterpiece and I am still in awe of what this film manages to achieve. It’s one of these crime films (Hell or High Water being another one) that completely transcend genre. Everything about it is perfect, it is flawlessly shot, Nicole Kidman is spectacular, and when you get to the end and everything falls into place you’re just completely blown away

Stories We Tell (Sarah Polley, 2012): I have wanted to see this film for many years, Polley’s other film Take This Waltz being my number-one favourite film. Take This Waltz, with its deceiving simplicity, makes me cry every single time, and I never usually cry watching anything -- but of course Stories We Tell, an autobiographical documentary, made me wail like a baby. It’s about her life, her mother’s life, about secrets and families, but more than that it is about stories themselves, versions of events, what we show and what we leave out. It made me fall in love with Polley and the deceiving simplicity of her work even more

Born in Flames (Lizzie Borden, 1983): Another one of those films that have been on my list forever, and every bit as good as I thought it would be -- probably more so. I love seeing films like these because they made me think that sometimes you just have to pick up your instrument of choice and start creating for sparks to fly

I Walked With a Zombie (Jacques Tourneur, 1943): What can I say -- it’s Tourneur, it’s zombies

Psycho (Alfred Hitchcock, 1960): I was surprised at how scary I found this, considering that I found both Vertigo and The Birds slightly ridiculous, but as it turns out, this holds up very well, especially if you’re a scaredy cat like me

This month I also watched most of Our Planet (just as amazing as Planet Earth), as well as two seasons of Queer Eye, and I started watching Street Food. I pretty much gave up on Community, or, I’ve been stuck on season five for weeks and I really do not want to start again.

All the same, it’s been a good month for film-watching. I love how I have turned it into a habit, to the point that I can barely remember what I used to do with my evenings before I watched five films a week. I have found that cinema is a lot easier to discuss with most people than literature is, and that, like most creations of the mind, it does not shut you off to other stuff, on the contrary -- it has allowed me to discover books and music I would never have encountered otherwise, and I am so happy that turning something so easy into a habit has been so rewarding in so many unexpected ways.

[brydigdraws]

It feels like I just posted my 2018 summary of art, but here we are again (and three months late at that)! I haven’t even uploaded some of these Rambling under cut ⬇️

All in all, 2019, both in terms of art and general life, was a bit of a roller coaster for me, with very high peaks and very deep plummets:

January: Gekhath! My boy! I still really like this simple, overworked sketch; I feel like I captured his “soul”, which I feel I usually don’t manage to do with the subjects in my art.

February: Worked on my first (pretty bad, ngl) game as a 2D artist! It was a class project, and we had about ten weeks to make it. Executive dysfunction reared its ugly head, but thanks to peer pressure I still got some character designs and portraits done. This was the first portrait I did.

March: Another character portrait; still doing game development stuff. I’d say that it was, overall, a fun experience.

April: Executive dysfunction stressed me the fuck out about a big, individual school project. Drew this in a couple of hours to calm down, with a technique I hadn’t tried before. Did not actually help me de-stress at all in the long run, as the project still loomed over me.

May: Rock fucking bottom. I think this was the worst I’ve ever felt in my life, and that’s counting years of untreated depression and low-key suicidal thoughts. Executive dysfunction had me fucking paralysed; couldn’t work on the aforementioned project at all, even though that was exactly what I needed to do to feel better. I think it was the pressure I put on myself?? Or something??

June: I had powered through and eventually managed to hand in extremely sub-par, but passable work. It was a wake-up call for sure; you can’t depend on that near-deadline adrenaline rush to make good art! However, this Extremely Queer piece I did for an Overwatch pride zine helped keep my spirits up!

July: Worked at a shitty summer job with shitty coworkers, shitty pay and shitty hours. Didn’t have much time or energy for art, but got into Good Omens. Like, I got really into Good Omens, as though I had jumped out of a plane with no parachute. I hadn’t experienced a special interest this intense in a very long time. It was literally exhausting. I think I read the book (bc I refused to watch the series before I read the book) over the course of, like, three days, just reading during my breaks. It really was what I needed to not become a mindless zombie during those weeks. It inspired me to write a lot, too, which I haven’t really done in years, and that has kept up until now, and I’m very happy for it (most of it way too fragmented to upload anywhere, I’m afraid). This Crowley was inspired by the book, before TV!Crowley got completely burned into my brain.

August: Luckily my summer job didn’t last for the entire duration of August, so I had enough energy to paint a proper value study! (I actually love like Aziraphale more than Crowley, but he’s the one I project really heavily onto so...) It got out of hand and didn’t turn out very much like the reference, but it’s still one of my favourite pieces I’ve done!

September: School again! Executive dysfunction again! Managed it a bit better this time around, though, and, among other things, made my first UI design for a group project! Very interesting experience!

October: Same project, but a painted background this time. It was a pain in the ass, as I rarely paint and don’t understand light sources and shadows very well (that’s why I usually do value studies when I actually do paint), and find rendering hard. Still proud I followed through!

November: Another group project! Executive dysfunction who?? We worked a lot in the same room together; the constant peer pressure and weekly goals doing wonders to actually make sure I was working (seems my two main modes are “master procrastinator” and “complete workaholic”). Did my first proper 3D model textures. Here’s an enemy design I did for the project. Our group’s assigned art director really helped me loosen up and dare to exaggerate and make things asymmetrical. Throughout most of my life I’ve been near obsessed with the idea of “perfection” in my art, which is silly and unattainable, and has only lead to stiffness and boring poses. I feel like working on this design freed me from those shackles, in a way, although the sensation still lingers. Really like these little dudes; it was super cool to see them modelled in 3D and animated!

December: My gift for the GO Holiday Swap! I did bite off a bit more than I could chew with this one, as I already had the aforementioned group project and a zine piece to work on; but slow and steady wins the race and I got it done way before the deadline. I would have liked to do something more with the background, but I simply did not have the time, and I’m very happy that my giftee seemed to appreciate it!

I still struggle with executive dysfunction (in all aspects of my life), but I think it’s getting better and I’m starting to develop coping strategies :’) We’ll see how this year goes! Based on what I’ve learned from previous years, I’ve made myself the promise to try and put my health first, school second, and art projects third. Hopefully this will lead to more free time for me, and thus more spontaneous art (there have been a lot of things I’ve wanted to draw over the last year, but couldn’t because I already had other commitments I had to work on). Self care babey!!!