#next week I have to drive for 4 hours straight by myself which I’m not looking forward to tho especially since I can’t drive with a podcast

[urbanfiltered]

AAAAAA

[fromasgardandback]

Rocker Mayfield - Part I

Eddie Munson x Mayfield!Reader

description: Y/N Mayfield moved back to Hawkins after their father left her to be with his new family. Living in the trailer park wasn’t bad, especially with an attractive neighbor.

word count: 1.6k

warning: divorce, abandonment, crappy relationships, fluff

a/n: i will be making this a mini-series. maybe 3-4 parts?

masterlist | oneshots

Hawkins, Indiana. The dreadful town in the middle of nowhere. Farmlands, hillbillies, and rich freaks who loved to tell you they were “popular”. I hated it here, but what else was I supposed to do? I’m in my senior year and refuse to not finish just to get a GED. I am Max Mayfield’s older sister and when she was just a toddler our parents split. Mom took Max and Dad took me, but I fought to spend the summers with Mom and Max. Every summer I did except for last summer which is how everything went down on both of our ends. Max dealing with underworld demons and me dealing with my own. I practically lived alone because of how much Dad was out. I took care of myself and learned to do it all. Until one day at the beginning of summer, right before I was about to leave for Hawkins, this young bimbo walked into our house. She looked like a hooker, a gold digger, and someone with major daddy issues. That summer I found out my father was living a whole lie apart from Max and me. He created this whole other family, and by “family” it was Dad, this bimbo, and two dogs. I won’t lie, I contemplated taking the dogs. He told me to get out and move back in with our Mom. All summer I packed everything I owned, black-mailed him into getting what I needed to take care of Max and me and left. I took the eleven-hour car trip from New York to Indiana. 

I pulled through the trailer park entrance, making my way to the one mobile home that I knew too well. Putting the car in park, I got out taking in the surroundings and awful smell. From the front window, I saw Max visibly happy to see me. She ran out before I could run to her and we both fell in a tight hug.

“Y/N. I missed you. Never leave me again.” Max mumbled into my neck.

“I missed you too, kid. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.” I smiled holding her closer.

Luckily the trailer was a two-bedroom trailer, so I shared one with Max while Mom got the other room. She worked long hours and late nights. Barely being home for Max, so being home is like I came for Max. Which I did, because if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have returned. The place still looked the same as the last time I was in it. Brown, brown, and oh yeah, more brown. Max set up a bed for me in the corner of her room while she took the other side. Part of me felt bad that she doesn’t have her own privacy anymore, but based on the late-night calls about her nightmares and night terrors, I know she wouldn’t mind. I set my things down and turned to sit on the bed.

“One perk of Dad bribing me to leave is that I got the car. So, wanna go for a drive? Get out of here and take a breather?” I said leaning back on my hands.

“Hell yeah.” Max sighed in relief. I knew she needed someone to support her and that is who I am going to be. Her main support while Mom was out supporting us. I took Max driving down farmlands and back roads that lead to a lake. I parked and we spent the night watching the sunset before heading home.

School started within the next week or so from my arrival. The feeling of going to Hawkins High made both of us physically sick. When the first day came we regretted getting out of bed. I pulled into the parking lot and looked over at Max. Her face went from upset to straight disgust.

“It’s going to be okay. I’m here with you the entire time. Find me and I’ll be there for you. Maybe find your friends? Dustin was the sweetest to you, he can give you some kind of comfort.” I said gently squeezing her hand. 

“Thanks, Y/N. I just want to get it over with and go home.” Max said, giving me a tight-lip smile. I knew this year was going to be harder on her than anyone, but if I could make some part of her day memorable, I will.

“Listen to your music. Remember to take breathers. And I love you!” I yelled at her walking towards the school and away from my car. She laughed, playfully flipping me off. I grabbed my bag, following her into school when this guy came out of nowhere and I bumped into him.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you.” I said picking up a pack of cigarettes and handing them back.

“No, it’s fine darling.” The voice said as our hands touched. That voice, I know that voice. It was familiar. I look up to see a curly, long-haired man with a metal look. Jeans, jean and leather jacket, a bandana, and a chain connected to his back pocket and belt loops. Only one kind of person in Hawkins looked like that

“Eddie?” I questioned, finally getting to see his face.

“Y/N?” He questioned back, looking at me.

“Oh my gosh, it is you.” I smiled wide. Eddie and I used to be friends when we were younger and every summer we would hang out when I came home. Calling each other wasn’t an option because of my father, so we would write one another and I kept everyone.

“It really is. Come here.” Eddie enveloped his arms around me, holding me close. I wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him back.

“When did you get back? I would’ve helped you move back in.” Eddie kept looking over my face as if something happened.

“Last week, but I know you were working hard at the plant. I didn’t want to come over and bother you just to bring in heavy items.” I said walking inside with high school with him.

“You know I would do anything to help you. Don’t hesitate again.” He said seriously.

“Oh yeah? Just so you can go through my panties again like last summer?” I said standing in front of him at his locker.

“You weren’t supposed to be that fast in the bathroom.” Eddie’s face went red.

“You admit it!” I said laughing and walking away.

“No, Y/N. Get back here.” He laughed following me to our homeroom class.

A few months passed and it was late fall. Fall in Hawkins was similar to what a New England falls resembles. Beautiful colored leaves, colder weather, and a vibe of dark academia. Eddie and I skipped the last class which was just a Study Hall and headed to his secret picnic table in the forest. We’ve been talking about anything and everything. More than we could write in our letters.

“It wasn’t my ideal situation to come back home to basically become a mother figure to my younger sister or be her keeper, but she’s my best friend. I love that girl with everything in me.” I smiled thinking about Max. “I’d do anything for her.” 

“That’s admirable. I feel the same way about Wayne.” Eddie said, leaning over the table on his elbows.

“I haven’t seen Wayne since we were kids. How has he been?” I asked following suit and leaning my elbows on the table. His eyes sparkled at the mention of his beloved uncle.

“He’s doing good. They switched him to the night shift down at the plant, but other than being tired, he’s doing good. I can’t believe you remembered our last conversation about him.” Eddie said looking at me. Just looking into his eyes made me weak.

“Of course, I did, Eddie. I care about you and Wayne so much. You’re very close to me so I’m going to pay attention to what you say. Even if you ramble on about how “Henderson” is annoying you about winning the last game.” I laughed, smiling at him.

“It was valid!” Eddie was very enthusiastic about his Dungeons and Dragons meetings. “Do you still listen to rock music?” He asked playing with his rings.

“I do and some metal. The ones you recommended. I really like Metallica.” I smiled while looking at him wearing a shit-eatin’ grin knowing I paid attention to his requests. “You know I have kept every single one of our letters.” 

“Really?”

“Yeah. I love that we started that at a young age. It’s very endearing. I mean who would’ve pegged you for the kind of guy to write letters to his childhood best friend while being the town’s metalhead freak, but because he plays a fantasy game.” I looked him in the eyes again.

“Don’t forget to mention satanic cultists too.” He chuckled. “I’ve kept all of mine too. Wayne tells me it's because I’m in love with you.” He blushed saying those words.

“You? In love with me?” I chuckled. That’s funny because it’s not true. Eddie wasn’t in love with me, he’s my friend.

“What if he’s not wrong? Would it be so bad if I was?” Eddie leaned over the table again, this time getting closer.

“No,” I gulped. “Would it be bad if I said I am too?” He’s showing the signals. Either show mine too and get rejected or finally be able to be in love with Eddie. My hands were shaking from this interaction. I didn’t get many in New York. The girls were prettier and the guys weren't Eddie. 

“No, darling. It’d be great, so I can do this.” Eddie closed the gap between us and kissed me. I froze for a quick second, letting my brain register what was happening. I raised my hand to hold his face and kissed him back.

[trash-bin-ary]

good day dear friend! how are you doing on this fine July day?

Good! Oop a tornado siren just went off and I almost panicked but it’s a drill day. I’m at work rn lowkey sweating super hard in not too bad weather, but I got paired up with the coworkers that I think aren’t too bad pretty good infact so that’s good. I get to go get my eyes checked and maybe new glasses later today which is good cause my frames are like breaking practically. And the whole time I just get to rotate characters in my head characters good, you enjoying my mess of fandoms? How art thou doing this fine day?

[youngbeezer]

hi!! can I please request something?

going to a lake house, maybe friends to lovers with bowen byram?

thank you! 💗.

A/N: HI IM SO SORRY THIS LITERALLY TOOK 4 EVER!!! i was having such bad writer's block with also zero motivation, but i eventually put a little something together and i hope whoever requested this first off actually sees this bc seriously its been a good month of this sitting in my inbox but also i hope you like it :)

Word Count: 2940

Warning(s): kinda angsty in beginning, curse words, ends fluffy !!!

masterlist || join my taglist

These next few days is either going to turn out to be the best week of the summer, or the most awkward week of the summer...

I’m currently stuck in a car surrounded by couples on our way to a lake house in Colorado. Somehow I ended up being lumped into this chaotic group of professional hockey players and their drop-dead gorgeous significant others.

About a year ago at my local salon, I just so happened to be seated right next to a woman named Grace, who I immediately hit it off with. We became fast friends and are now basically inseparable at this point. Her boyfriend just so happens to play hockey for the Colorado Avalanche, Cale Makar. Now I have also grown quite close with Cale as well, since I am always at their shared apartment for Grace. At this point Cale is basically third wheeling us, instead of it being the other way around. Therefore I was also always invited to team parties and get-togethers, which prompted more friendships with most of the guys on the team and their respective partners.

Someone I have surprisingly grown super close with is Bowen Byram. As soon as Cale introduced us two, his blue eyes and raspy voice immediately drew me in. Straight away we bonded over common interests and that night we talked for almost three hours. After that, we were thick as thieves. So thick that recently I have come to the realization that I have caught major feelings for him along the way.

It has only been a few weeks since I have come to this realization and it has already started to affect our relationship. I definitely started to ignore Bowen a little bit when I first figured out my feelings because I was scared he would somehow find out or I would just end up blurting it out at some point. And the last thing I want is for my silly feelings to ruin such a great friendship.

Thus why this week can either turn out to be the best or the worst.

I’ve decided that at some point during this trip I need to confess my feelings for Bowen. He’s also seemed to notice the shift in my attitude towards him. I have become more closed off and not as touchy as we used to be. Bowen and I are both very touchy/feely types of people. So what seemed like just some harmless cuddling and play wrestling with each other, to me did very little to quell down my feelings.

For example, this morning when we were packing up the cars for the trip a group of us are taking to Tyson Jost’s lakehouse, Bowen went to wrap his arms around my middle from the back and I subconsciously flinched away at his touch. I know he definitely noticed my mood shift from the defiant pout that was resting on his face. After that I did what I do best, and ran away to the other car that was driving up and basically begged Nate to switch seats with me.

Which now leads to my current thoughts. The entire car ride up I have been contemplating on ways I could tell him, but each scenario just ended up with him telling me that he doesn’t feel the same, and our friendship essentially being over. Obviously I was just overthinking just a little, but I’ve never been stuck in a situation like this before-- and now we are going to be stuck in a lake house together for an entire week, so I am going to be forced to face this situation whether I want to or not.

“Yo. Earth to y/n?” Tyson draws, trying to gain my attention. I snap out of my thoughts as soon as I hear my name, and bring my gaze to the rearview mirror to meet Tyson’s questioning look. “We’re here.” He announces.

Susanna, Mikko’s girlfriend, adds on, “You alright? You seemed kind of out of it the entire car ride.”

I shake my head to try and clear my thoughts and notice that we are indeed here at the lake house we will be staying at for the next week. I clear my dried up throat before croaking out a weak, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just don’t like long car rides.”

Both of them nod, content with my answer and exit the car to join Mikko in unloading all of the luggage from the trunk. I take a few more moments to fully get my head together after dealing with all my jumbled thoughts throughout the entire three hour car ride.

Jumping out of the car, the first thing I see is Bowen letting out a yawn and stretching out. As his arms raise over his head, some of his shirt rises up with it and immediately my eyes are drawn to the small portion of skin and v-line that is in front of me. Bowen then notices my presence and makes eye contact with me, giving me one of his adorable little smiles. I advert my gaze as quickly as I can so my obvious ogling isn’t as obvious and go to finally retrieve my luggage.

Yeah this was gonna be a long week.

…

After everyone got pretty much all settled into their rooms, we all ended up coming back together to sit around the firepit to chat and enjoy some drinks. For this trip that Tyson orchestrated there are in total ten people staying in the house. Me, Tyson, obviously since it’s his house; Bowen, Cale, Grace, Alex Newhook, Mikko and his girlfriend Susanna, and lastly Nate and his supposed new girl who will be joining us later on in the week.

Apparently a group of the guys and their partners have been taking trips together at the end of the hockey season for a while now, and since growing closer with the team this year, I graciously got an invite.

Since it was getting later and a little bit more chilly, I grabbed a random sweatshirt that I saw already laying around in the living room before making my way outside to join everyone by the firepit. Getting closer I noticed that the only seat available just so happened to be next to Bowen.

Cale and Grace give each other a not so inconspicuous knowing look when they see me approaching. As soon as I sit down, a question is being thrown at me.

“Whose sweatshirt is that y/n?” Cale brings everyone's attention to me with a growing smirk on his face.

“I don’t know, I just found it in the living room.” I give Cale a questioning glare, trying to figure what his endgame is right now.

“It’s mine.” I hear that same raspy voice that I love and know so well. I feel my face start heating up at the idea of wearing Bowen’s sweatshirt. Am I wearing his name on my back right now, and I just didn’t even think to check earlier?

“Oh, uh. Sorry, I can give it back to you, if you want it.” I stumble out, now feeling awkward and a little embarrassed about how flustered I am getting over a simple sweatshirt.

Bowen gives me a little smile before replying back, “Nah, it’s fine. It looks better on you anyway.”

I clear my throat and stumble out an awkward ‘thanks’ at Bowen and then turn my attention to Grace right next to me so I don’t embarrass myself even more. What I don’t see though is the way Bowen's face immediately falls when I turn my back on him.

…

Around midnight is when everyone started to make their way back inside the house to start getting ready for bed. I was mindlessly scrolling through my social media, so I didn’t notice that mostly everyone had already gone inside.

“Y/n.” I look up at the mention of my name to notice that Bowen and I are the only ones left outside.

Also noticing the intense gaze I am receiving from Bowen, I quickly gather my things and stumble out, “Oh my gosh I didn’t notice everyone left already. I should head inside as well.”

Bowen is quicker though because he grabs ahold of my wrist, halting me in place before I make my very obvious escape.

“Hold on, please. Can you please talk to me?” Bowen pleads out.

“What do you mean? We’ve been talking all night.” I countered, trying one last time to get out of this conversation.

“We’ve been talking as a group all night yeah, but you couldn’t even make eye contact with me. You know what I mean. What’s been going on? Did I do something?” Bowen frowned.

At that moment I felt so guilty. I’ve been so focused on trying to ignore my feelings that I have developed that I ended up pushing my best friend away and hurting him in the process. I close my eyes and let out a deep breath. I knew I would eventually have to have this talk with Bowen during this week, but I just didn’t expect it to be on the very first night.

“Okay. Yeah, let’s talk.”

I lead the way down to the dock overlooking the lake and sit down to dangle my feet into the water. I know for a fact that Grace and Cale realized that we both haven’t come in behind them, so they are most likely snooping by the backdoor wondering what we are doing.

Bowen joins me, after slipping his shoes off and dangling his feet in as well.

“What’s been going on y/n?” Bowen asks again.

“I-I think I’m in love with you.” I blurt out. I can feel my heartbeat pounding in my ears as I await any type of response from Bowen. Taking a peek over at him, I see the pure shock on his face. Probably wasn’t the best idea to start off the conversation with that.

Taking his silence as a bad sign, I start spewing out whatever I can to try and calm the anxiety coursing through my veins. “I-I think I have known for a while and I just tried to ignore it, I guess. But then I realized that I was just pushing you away, an-and I never wanted to do that. Our friendship means that absolute world to me, and I would hate myself if anything I did, or-or my stupid feelings jeaporized that.” At some point during my little rant, a few tears escaped. I turn my head away as I try to hold back on a full on sob breaking loose.

“You think?” He eventually breaks the silence.

Confusedly, I turned my head back around and let out a strangled, “Huh?” I see the corners of Bowen’s mouth start curving up into a tiny smile, confusing me even more.

“You said, you think you’re in love with me.” He pointed out.

My eyebrows raise in question and I give him a little shrug, prompting him to elaborate more.

“Well… I’m pretty damn sure I’m in love with you.” Bowen softly declared.

My breath catches in my throat and my mouth turns as dry as the Sahara Desert. Those were definitely not the words I was expecting to come out of his mouth. He chuckles at my surprised face and scooches a little closer to my body to wipe a stray tear on my cheek.

“Are you serious?” I whisper out.

“Of course.” He whispered just as softly back to me as his head inched closer to mine.

My heart pounds in my chest as Bowen’s hand comes up to cradle my cheek. All of our pent up feelings and emotions that we both have been too afraid to admit all come crashing together as our lips finally meet. He kissed me gently, almost carefully, but after all this time gentleness was not what I wanted right now. Bowen let out a low groan as I pulled him flush against my body, my fists bunching up the collar of his shirt.

Before this could go any further, we both pull away breathlessly, basking in what truly just happened-- just now realizing how much our relationship is about to change.

“Fuck.” Bowen breathed out, running his hands over his face. “If I knew that was what it was like to kiss you I would’ve blurted out my feelings the day I met you.”

My ears perk up at his last few words and it seems like he also realizes what he just admitted, as his cheeks immediately turn a rosy color.

“You’ve liked me for that long?” I bashfully question.

Bowen runs his fingers through his hair and blows out a breath of air before answering, “Yeah, I-I mean… yeah I have.” He stumbles out, awkwardly letting out a laugh.

I lean my head on his shoulder and connect our hands, feeling super content and never wanting this moment to end. We take a moment to just sit on the dock-- with our feet hanging in the water, hands intertwined; and bask in the feeling of finally letting our feelings out into the open.

“You know everyone in that house is going to have a field day when they find out.” Bowen mumbles against my shoulder, before leaving a lingering kiss on the exposed skin.

“Oh I wouldn’t be surprised if they all had a bet going or something.” I chimed. I raise my head that had previously been resting on Bowen’s shoulder back up to look at him, and see that he is already smiling at me. “What?” I drawled, feeling my cheeks heating up under his gaze.

“You wanna sleep in my bed tonight?” He asked hesitantly.

My cheeks now feel on fire as I ponder on how I want to go about this. I raise my eyebrows up at him in question as I ponder out, “Do you want me in your bed tonight?”

Bowen gives me an almost incredulous look as he voiced, “Of course I want you in my bed.”

I just give him a simple nod and push my body up in a standing position, reaching out my hand to prompt Bowen to join me. “Okay, let’s go.”

Bowen immediately shoots up from his sitting position, clinging onto my hand as we make our way back up the yard to the sliding glass doors of the lake house. Just as I predicted earlier, Cale and Grace were totally snooping. Actually, the entire house was snooping. Everyone was gathered in the kitchen trying to act casual as we walked in, but as soon as they noticed our conjoined hands, all hell broke loose.

“I fucking knew it!”

“Aw you guys look so cute.”

“Bout time.”

“Ha! Nate, you owe me fifty bucks.”

I looked over at Bowen with an unimpressed look, “Told you they probably had a bet going on.” Meanwhile Bowen has an incredulous look coating his face watching his friends freak out over his newfound relationship. Instead of questioning our oddball friends, Bowen just simply shakes his head, letting out a little chuckle.

“Alright I’m heading up, I can’t deal with these idiots right now.” Bowen gives me a quick peck on the lips before announcing his departure for the night. Most of the others also start making their way up to their respective rooms for bed, the guys putting on a show of making kissy noises and making a few chirps as they follow Bowen up the stairs.

Grace joins me by the counter, making a show of wiggling her eyebrows at me. I’m smiling like an idiot as Cale also joins us, chuckling at my lovesick expression.

“You’re welcome.” Cale smirked.

I scrunch my face up in confusion as I question him back, “For what?”

“For introducing you two, duh.” Cale teased. Grace smacks him on the arm with a tut, making a show of rolling her eyes at her boyfriend. “Alright, seriously I am happy for you guys though.” He eventually relents.

My cheeks heat up from the attention but also from the thought of Bowen and I’s new relationship. Grace grabs me by the shoulders and starts pushing me in the direction of the staircase.

“Obviously I’m happy for you too. All I’ve wanted is the best for you and I think Bowen is just that. And with that being said, go get your mans!” She sends me off with a quick smack on my ass. I giggle the whole way up the stairs on the way into Bowen’s [now our] room feeling extremely giddy and content.

When I enter the room, all the lights except for the bathroom are already off, and it looks like Bowen is already settled into bed. So, I quickly do my night time routine and change into my pajamas before making my way over to the bed I will now be sharing for the week.

Bowen is awaiting me with his arms wide open, which I happily cuddle into the second I am under the covers. He buries his head into my neck, leaving featherlight kisses here and there.

“I love you.” Bowen mumbles into my neck. I card my fingers through his hair and kiss the top of his head as I mumble back those same words, in complete awe over how fast my life has changed in one night. We both knew that we would eventually be together, it just took a little time and a trip to Tyson Jost’s lakehouse for us to figure it out. This week will definitely be one for the books.

Taglist: @barzysandmarnersbitch @handwrittenheroes @hockeyplayerstories @barzy-xoxo @gnemgn @joelsfarabees

Tagging some mutuals as well so this doesnt flop,,,

@2manytabsopen @bb-nhlqueen7 @frederikanderson @simon-edvinsson @coltonndach @carepriceisgoodathockey @lovereadinghockeyy @pettypeteys @kentjohnsons @joekellys @mattybenierss

[rhysismydaddy]

Unholy Matrimony Pt. 2 (Nessian)

Damnation Series

Parts 1 / 3 / 4 / 5 

_____________________________________________________

~Nesta~

The day after meeting my fiancé, I drop Alexei off at the plane, tell him goodbye, and drive further down the tarmac to where Cassian’s waiting in a completely different private plane.

Very environmentally conscious, our lifestyle

The stairs are unfolded, so after making sure my luggage is transferred over, I head inside.

Cassian’s waiting, sipping bourbon despite the fact that it’s nine in the morning.

He’s dressed in dark jeans, boots, and a black long sleeve t-shirt that makes the tattoos on his hands and knuckles seem even more pronounced. He seems more comfortable now than yesterday.

Like he’s not trying to fit into the mold of a respectable gentleman in a suit.

He looks over as my heels click against the floor, eyes dragging up my legs, pausing at my chest, and scanning my face.

“Hey,” he murmurs, almost like he doesn’t know what else to say.

My lips twitch as I slide into the seat across from him, staying silent for now to throw him off.

As expected, he shifts in his seat, looking mildly uncomfortable.

Then, like he realizes what I’m doing, he narrows his eyes. “You realize that a woman who just sits there, looks pretty, and doesn’t argue is pretty much a man’s dream, right?”

A smile tugs at my lips, but I sigh like I’m not the least bit amused. “Good morning, Cassian.”

His mouth opens and closes a few times as he tries to determine the proper response for such a ground-breaking conversation opener.

He finally decides on: “You don’t have an accent.”

“Not when I speak English.”

Alexei, the hypocritical bastard, said English should sound like English and Russian should sound like Russian.

“Do you speak any other languages?” he asks, apparently not having looked in my file. He’s probably trying to figure out if his secret conversations with his fellow countrymen are safe.

“I speak Italian, since that’s what you really want to know.”

He grins, playful light in his eyes. “I think I’d like to hear that.”

An amused laugh escapes me at that, but I give him what he wants as I murmur, “Sono sicuro che lo faresti.” I’m sure you would.

His eyes seem to darken, and I roll my eyes. Men.

“I speak a little Russian, but not much,” he tells me. Considering I, unlike him, I did my homework, I already knew that.

Done with this conversation, I close my eyes and attempt to sleep. A plan that goes out the window when Cassian says confidently, “I usually only speak Italian when I fuck.”

I know he’s trying to feel me out, get a rise out of me, so I keep my voice completely deadpan as I reply, “Interesting. I tend to choose French.”

He laughs, face splitting into a humongous, goofy-looking grin. “Now that, I can’t wait to hear.”

Ah, yes. Because the idea I won’t sleep with him is unthinkable.

To me, too, but at least I’m not an asshole about it. Time to humble him a bit.

I feign like I’m not attracted to him in the slightest as I make a show of looking him over. “I never said you would, tupitsa.”

Before he can respond to me calling him a dumbass, I close my eyes and go to sleep.

~Cassian~

My fiancé passes out in a matter of seconds. It’s a little impressive, honestly. One second she’s teasing me with the thought of French whispers under silk sheets, the next she’s dead to the world.

I, unfortunately, am stuck on the first part.

Fuck, she’s hot.

It’s an effortless sort of beauty, considering she isn’t wearing makeup and her hair appears to be naturally blonde and straight.

Regardless, she looks like she just stepped off a runway.

Delicate bone structure, fierce eyes, full lips that sounded so good saying my name it took me a moment to formulate a response.

Distracting curves, sweeping hips, long legs that are currently crossed and allowing the slightest hint of lace at the top of her stocking to show.

My dick takes notice of that site, and I remind the greedy bastard she’s a Russian--an enemy--but he doesn’t seem to care. Nope, he wants me to peel those stockings down. With my teeth.

What’s somehow hotter than even her choice of legwear is the fact that she isn’t doing it on purpose. She’s completely relaxed, asleep for God’s sake, not trying to seduce me.

I grit my teeth and look out the window.

Like every other time I fly, I get restless after about ten minutes. I pull out my phone and make sure everything’s ready for when we land, work on my laptop for a bit, stare at Nesta sleeping for a longer bit, and pace the aisle like a caged lion when I start to feel like a creep.

Because I’ve been dealing with administrative shit like getting engaged, it’s been a while since I’ve done something to quell the rush in my blood.

Business, surprisingly, is boring when an army of hateful Russians isn’t trying to kill you all the time. I haven’t fought in days, haven’t shot my gun in longer.

I send Ricardo a text and have him set up a fight for tonight, but even the thought of the coming violence does nothing to help me calm down.

By the time we land, I’m more than ready to get the hell out of this plane.

Nesta wakes up when the wheels touch down, stretching and looking annoyingly well rested.

As the plane taxis, I tell her, “I have to work tonight.”

It’s a lie, and she cocks her eyebrow like she knows it. But she doesn’t call me on it, doesn’t even seem that interested. “I already requested a separate car.”

My brows furrow because I hate being predictable, but I keep my mouth shut.

Nesta stands as the stairs drop open, straightening her dress and pulling it down over the lacey top of her stockings that are now right in front of my face.

Before I even realize what she’s about, there’s a sharp smack to the bottom of my chin that forces my head up. She tsks, shaking her head teasingly.

“What was that for?” I ask, even though I already know.

She grabs her bag, and I follow as she walks down to the tarmac. “Somnophilia.”

I take a second to look up what the hell that is, laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes when I find the definition. Nesta shakes her head, small smile on those distracting lips, and walks to her waiting driver.

“I’ll see you at home, wife,” I call, not able to resist.

She just flips me the bird over her shoulder, making me laugh again.

Like I said, not what I was expecting.

~Nesta~

Things with Cassian are going... well, I guess.

He has the emotional maturity of a seventeen year old boy, but he isn’t terrible. As long as he stays out of my way, I dare say this marriage might work.

He’ll go about his business, I’ll go about mine, and we’ll avoid each other for happily ever after just like the fairytales say.

I shake my head as Maxim, one of the first New York transplants, navigates us through the city and to Sera. I’ve visited all my clubs at least once, and I have to admit, this one is by far my favorite.

As it should be.

The other three I run in New York were all my father’s originally. Built by a man, for the entertainment of men, I have to say they aren’t places I’d visit myself.

But I built Sera from the ground up, and while it’s designed to appeal to both men and women, men are--for the first time in history--not the priority.

The building it’s located in is a skyscraper, one I rent out to different businesses that don’t need an entire place to themselves. The ground floor is a bank, one that discretely cleans Russian money and makes us more through interest.

All in all, an unremarkable location to the public eye.

But every night, after normal banking hours have long passed, a select number of guests are invited to Sera--a speakeasy-type burlesque club with a hidden entrance in the secondary vault of the bank.

It’s secret, exclusive, and private as hell.

When we get to the bank, I enter the passcode on the side door--changed nightly--and walk through the silent lobby to the back room where the bouncer sits on a wooden stool.

“Privet, boss,” the burly man greets, sweeping the door open and ushering me through with a meaty hand. “Man in the back is asking for the owner.”

I nod and step inside, the door immediately closing behind me.

It’s the perfect level of crowded; enough people that no one stands out but not packed to the point of misery. By design, of course.

Everything seems to be the same as when I visited a few months ago except for the changed flooring I had installed last week. The tables and booths in the back are full of people captivated by the jazz singer on stage, a woman I discovered while walking to a business meeting in Paris.

Her cigarette-roughened voice had pulled me in, much like it does the audience now, and I’d offered her a job on the spot.

One of the bartenders, an ex-con who was locked up for stealing insulin for his diabetic daughter, smiles at me and slides me a tumblr of vodka as I make my way over.

“Good to see you,” Dima greets warmly. “How long are you here for?”

“Permanently.”

His eyebrows shoot up, which makes sense, considering the engagement hasn’t been announced properly. We’re apparently having a party of some kind in two weeks to celebrate the big news.

“I’ll explain later,” I tell him, noticing a group of people approaching the bar.

He nods, and I slip away towards the back corner where a roped-off set of stairs lead down to the basement below.

Like usual, there’s a private poker game happening in the main room of the bottom floor, and I stop to make say a few hellos but eventually move on to the hallway containing offices for some of the management.

The soldier stationed at the door to mine nods in acknowledgement, then tells me a whale’s inside.

My brows raise at the idea of a big-time investor coming to see me at this hour, but I shrug and walk in, shoulders back and face blank. I learned a long time ago to never let my emotions play out on my face.

The man waiting inside looks to be in his forties, richer than sin, and cold. Mafia, undoubtedly. His dark eyes rake over me, and he asks in a tone I don’t appreciate, “Who the fuck are you?”

“Nesta Orlov. You requested to speak to me?”

His bushy brows pinch together. “No, I want to speak to the owner.”

“One and the same.”

“I was told Cassian Azara is the owner.”

My jaw clenches at the thought that we’ve been engaged for less than two days and people already assume my shit is his. “By who?” I ask, remembering our upcoming nuptials aren’t even public news yet.

“My Capo.”

That gets my attention.

Rhysand’s telling people my club is Cassian’s? Why?

Something isn’t right.

I might not know the Italian boss, but I’ve heard he’s straightforward. Ruthless but honest. So why would he lie?

A little voice inside my head whispers, What if he isn’t?

Mind whirling, I turn to the man and smile politely even though it’s the last thing I feel like doing. “Would you mind giving me a moment? If you go upstairs, our bartender will get you anything you want, on the house.”

He shrugs and leaves, and as soon as the door clicks shut, I go to my desk and pull up the electronic copy of our marriage contract.

Like I thought, nothing’s amiss.

I read this shit thoroughly enough to know exactly what I was getting into, and in case I missed anything, I had my private lawyer scan over it.

But that little voice, that gut feeling, refuses to go away. So I grab my bag and look through the physical copy, dread unfurling when I notice an extra page tucked in the middle.

It’s a prenup.

One I’ve never seen.

And there, smack dab in the middle, is a line declaring the deed to Sera the property of Cassian Azara.

A rough breath forces its way out of me, and for a second, I’m so angry, so blind with rage, I can’t hardly think. What the hell is going on?

I force myself to think through this, to rationalize what I’m seeing.

Replaying the moment in the Capo’s office, I realize the switch between the original and this version of the contract must’ve happened prior. I was only in there a few minutes and had the papers in my hand the whole time.

Which means...

Alexei picks up on the first ring, like he was waiting for the call. “Da.”

“What the hell have you done?”

He sighs. “What needed doing.”

“That’s bullshit, and you know it. I wasn’t the one who started a goddamn war with the Italians, and yet I’m the one who’s paying all the prices. I’m marrying the bastard, for fuck’s sake. Give him one of your clubs.”

His tone hardens. “He didn’t want anything else.”

“I don’t give a shit! This place is my property. It isn’t yours to give away.” I take a deep breath and try to quiet the rushing in my veins. “That idiot will run it into the ground.”

There’s a long moment, and I swear he sounds a little guilty as he says calmly, “He has more than a few businesses of his own, Nesta. It will be fine.”

I pinch my lips together to keep from cursing the man who raised me.

“If you read the document,” he says, a strange note to his voice. “You’ll notice there are a number of clauses.”

My eyes scan to the bottom of the page, and I read as Alexei continues. “He is permitted from selling, unless to you. The investors have the option to vote him out at any time. And if he is unfaithful to you or ends the engagement for whatever reason, Sera is returned to you in full.”

All the violence, all the rage, seems to dim. Just a little.

This is so like Alexei; in fact, it was one of his first lessons to me.

Give someone the illusion of winning, and they’ll sign anything you want them to.

I read through the clauses again, lips twitching. “Let me get this straight. If I can prove Cassian Azara--notorious playboy of New York--is cheating on me, the club is mine? And if the board at Sera votes him out, he can’t fight it?”

I can practically hear my father’s smile. “Da.”

“Or if I drive him crazy and he ends the engagement?”

“Da.”

Sounds easy enough. I drive Alexei absolutely insane and have never had a long-term relationship. I’ll have him running for the hills in no time.

One thing doesn’t make sense, though. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I knew if I told you, you wouldn’t sign. It’s still a risk, even with the clauses” He takes a deep breath. “I never told you, but we were losing the war in New York. We would’ve lasted another year, and then we would’ve lost the city.”

“Alexei-”

“I need this alliance to hold, Volchonok,” he says. “And either of you calling off the engagement or divorcing the other is grounds for the war to start back up.”

“So you’re saying I still need to marry him.”

He gruffs a confirmation, and my brain whirls as it thinks of a new plan.

My options are down to three: have him sell to me, prove he’s cheating, or get the board to vote him out.

“One more thing. You only have until the wedding. Once you’re married, the only way to get your property back is if he signs the deed to you.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose, moving my timeline up by a factor of a hundred. Checking the calendar proves what I already know: I have less than thirty days to somehow convince one of the most notoriously stubborn men in the world to give me a multi-million dollar company.

Easy.

“I’m... sorry. For lying.”

I’m so shocked he just apologized--something he’s never done in my twenty-five years of life--it takes me a moment to respond and tell him he’s forgiven. “Ty proshchen, otets.”

I disconnect the call and swivel around in the chair, a smile pulling on my lips.

I’m going to drive him fucking crazy. All while I make him fall in love with me.

Oh, Cassian. I almost feel sorry for you.

_______________________________________________________

NEXT CHAPTER

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Fish

For @whump-advent-calendar‘s day 4-6, Burn/Candles

CW: Referenced medical whump and dehumanization, light burn (accidental), captivity, muzzling, drugging reference, reluctant whumper turned caretaker

Introduction | Siren Song | Cries | Here | Not Sure | Draw Blood | Fish | Signs

---

BAHRAM’S NOTES NOTE TO SELF - SAVE IN EXTERNAL HARD DRIVE. DO NOT LET DR. L SEE.

October 22nd, 20XX 3:45 am Mer in Residence: 19 Days

It’s time to admit I’m more or less keeping a diary at this point as I get to understanding him. So far I’ve written separate notes to myself… for ten or so straight days of the nineteen we’ve had him here, and it’s getting harder to write the official transcriptions the way Dr. L wants me to.

Dr. Lachlan insists I call the mer ‘it’, that it’s to help me distance myself emotionally since it’s such a good mimic of humanity, but I don’t think it’s a damn mimic, I think it’s just… human.

I mean, obviously it’s not HUMAN, but… Miah spelled it out for me, we had an argument about this when he first got here. She gets so angry that he’s getting hurt and you know, I guess I believed Dr. L - mer aren’t my specialty field, I’m a snake man really, I don’t know the first bloody thing about fucking cetaceans. 

Anyway, I said to her at the time, “It’s not human.”

She told me, “Maybe not H-U-M-A-N, but P-E-R-S-O-N,” just like jabbing me in the chest afterward. Also, Miah can fingerspell in a way that really makes you feel like a six year old getting yelled at by your mother, for the record. I can’t describe it any other way. I was ready to just melt away from personal embarrassment before she even finished signing “person.”

That’s not the point of this. 

I didn’t start a diary just to tell myself how right Miah is about all of this, but hey, here we are.

I need some days off so badly.

Miah wasn’t around today, it’s really just been me and the mer - I’m off for four days coming up here, after 20 days of work, and she’s going to come in and do 24-hour watch until I’m back. It’s not so bad - I don’t really know anyone here, and the bed’s comfortable enough. Dr. L’s paying rent on my apartment so I won’t lose it while I’m working, anyway.

I still feel like some low-level henchman, though. Like any moment some asshole in a tank top is going to show up with guns and I’ll just be a faceless evil stepping stone before the boss fight with Dr. L. 

I mean, we all know that Dr. L’s going to be the boss fight, right? Anders would just like lay down or throw Miah in front of himself or something.

No, that’s not fair, he really does love her.

Bahram this is all hypotheticals about a video game. Get back on track, man.

So Miah must have gone shopping or something. She came back with a bag full of these candles from this bookstore she really likes. I mean she came back with an insane amount of books, too, but she had this candle she pulled out and put down on my desk.

She set down the candle - it’s this really nice deep blue and has some kind of like ocean scene painted on the label, like, isn’t that thematic - and smiled at me. “This one reminded me of what we’re doing,” She told me, and her signs were… softer. Her expressions were softer alongside them.

Does that mean… anything? I don’t know. She just put it on my desk and then wandered off. I thanked her but I had to take her shoulder and get her to look at me, first. Maybe her face was a little red.

Maybe not. 

We keep the tank room pretty warm, I’m sort of cold-natured and the mer seems more active when we keep the lights really warm, so… 

I don’t get why she bought me a candle and why she looked away before I could thank her for it. I don’t get it, and I feel like I should, but I don’t. Is she not looking because it wasn’t a big deal, or because it was a big deal, or… what?

I really WOULD sink into the floor if Dr. L or Miah ever saw that I wrote this. Get it together, Bahram. You are not writing a diary about Miah fucking Kirsse. 

It’s been just me and the mer, all day. Dr. L was gone, too, meeting with whoever’s funding this whole thing. She’ll be gone until next week, so there’s no real work getting done, for now. Just blood draws.

She’s showing them its claws she took off. I don’t know why. Honestly, I have such a bad feeling about this, but I needed the cash and nowhere else was hiring for a job that would give me room and board and still time to work on my own research. Not that I’ve done a bit of THAT in a week.

I get too distracted by the mer.

He swims in circles. He stares at nothing, or pokes the plastic coral and ferns we got him, or hides in his cave. I can switch the screens over to watch the camera feed from inside the cave, but he doesn’t do much in there, either. I caught him picking at his scales, and I need to ask Dr. L about that. She took three scales off his tail, which for the record I had nothing to do with (whose record? I’m writing this to myself, and what the fuck does it matter about scales when I’m the one sticking the damn needle in his elbow twice a week), and I caught him sort of whistling sadly and picking at the empty spaces. 

They’ll grow back, Dr. L says. She’s not worried.

I am.

A little.

I’m starting to think Dr. L is lying about a lot of things, and I’m not sure what to do about that. If anything. This is a job, and I get paid better than I’ve ever been paid in my life. So… what do I do?

I could call the hotline and report him. It’s anonymous. 

She’d know I did it.

I don’t know why, but… I don’t want her to know it was me. Cowardice, I guess. Pure bloody cowardice.

But Miah hasn’t emailed the hotline, either. We can’t both be cowards, right?

Anyway.

Tonight was tank cleaning, which is a bloody fucking chore. Anders was around long enough to help me get the mer tranq’d and into the lift and then the rolling tank where he can just sit until I get my work done. Poor thing just lolls around when he’s tranq’d up. Barely blinks. 

Doesn’t stop its fucking crying, though.

We took a lot of blood from him today, too, so he was very weak. Barely moved, just curled himself up small so he was totally in the water and watched me work after Anders left. We’ve got a scrubber machine that does the hard work, I just have to hose some things down and then make sure its filter is still operating correctly. Watch the scrubber. Whole process takes about three hours from start to tank totally refilled, as long as I do it weekly. It’ll take much longer if I let it slide.

Double-checked the camera in the cave, and when I walked out of it I saw the mer’s head was up, watching everything I was doing. He dropped right back down under the water when he saw me looking at him. The muzzle looks so monstrous on him, but more than that, it makes him look like a monster.

Maybe Dr. L doesn’t muzzle him to keep us safe, but to keep me from seeing his expressions while I’m here with him all day.

No, that’s stupid. She doesn’t even think he’s sentient, right?

I finished up, and when I came to roll him back to the lift, I saw he’d popped his head up out of the rolling tank and was looking around the room itself. He hasn’t really looked around at all before this, and he was still tranq’d but maybe I fucked up the dosage? Because he was pretty alert, kind of whistling to himself and giving little chirps and clicks. He sounds like some weird mix of killer whale and fucking otters or something. When he saw me, he flinched back down under the water, but I had this idea.

Dr. L took his claws, and he’s still muzzled except when he’s on the table or when he eats, so like, it’s not like he can hurt me, right?

His eyes had gone to my desk, looking at… I guess all my books and papers and my laptop and everything. Maybe the candle. I waved my hand around until I saw that he was watching me again. With those big eyes it’s hard to tell exactly what he’s looking at, but when I clapped my hands he blinked at me, so I know he can hear it, can see me.

Then - and I swear I’m not lying - he moved himself up out of the water, and put his palms together. His earfins twitched out and back against his scalp, and his white hair dripped water all down his shoulders. 

He cocked his head at me. Then he put his hands together, harder this time. He clapped, and then… he clicked.

I KNEW it. I KNEW clicks were questions. Dr. L said their brains don’t work that way, but I bet they do. Who’s even considered how their brains work? Maybe they’re just like us. All the studying I’ve been doing shows that the scans we’ve done of dead ones are pretty similar in overall size and placement of their center of language. They’ve shown that mer populations have their own dialects if they don’t interact with each other, like the Atlantic transients sound totally different than the Pacific transients, which sound different than the residents that stick close to the coastlines up by Alaska...

Making my own head hurt. I don’t even care about fucking mammals, but I guess I do now. 

“That’s right,” I said when he clapped, not like he can understand but still. I said it, and I clapped again, and he clapped back. “Can you give me your head? I’ll take your muzzle off, yeah? If you don’t bite.”

Dumbest fucking idea ever, but hey. 

I think maybe he knows the word muzzle, because he whistled and shrunk down again, lowering his hands. His ear flaps flattened again. I saw the deep red marks around his neck, from how we have to use the catch-pole to get him out, and I just. I just felt like shit, you know?

I’m shit, that’s what I am, we’re torturing a child, more or less, who hasn’t done a thing to anyone but be by himself because he lost his bloody fucking family. I can’t keep telling myself I’m not the bad guy, you know? 

I’m going to jail if I report him, aren’t I? I helped bring him in, after all. There’s my whole career down the drain.

Is this how it felt when everyone was being shit to monkeys in the 70′s and calling it psychology? Did some of them just go along with it because they thought they had to?

This is not helpful, Bahram.

I sat down at my desk and tried to figure it out. His eyes were on me the whole time. I looked over at Miah’s candle, and looked at the label. Like I said, ocean scene. Fronds and ferns and…

I turned the label to face the mer, and tapped on the image with my finger. “Fish,” I said, feeling dumb as hell. I told myself, it’s a bloody animal, Dr. L would roll around laughing at you for this.

But he came back up out of the water. There was a long moment, and I heard him click, and then a soft, “Sssshhhhhh,” sound came from behind his muzzle. They have lips like ours, although their way of communicating is basically whalesong and relies heavily on underwater acoustics. He’s louder in the tank than out of it, although I guess fear might make him quiet, too.

The recordings I found on youtube they get in the ocean are deafening loud. Their voices travel so well underwater, it’s amazing. People sell fucking CDs with mersong over piano to fall asleep to. 

I poked at the ocean scene on the label again. “Fish,” I said firmly. “Do you want fish?”

He knows fish. 

I KNOW he knows fish because he sat up, held out his right arm, and tapped his elbow with a blunt-edged, broken-off claw before he looked back at me, trembling with fear. He clicked again, twice.

I can’t even tell you how shit I feel, realizing he was asking if I was going to take his blood first. That’s what he meant, it has to be. He poked at the exact spot where he’s bruised up from the needle. 

But it makes sense, right? 

He’s been here twenty days, more or less. Every couple of days, when he’s hungry enough, we bribe him with fish to get the pole on him, take blood or whatever else, and then he eats. 

No, WE don’t take his blood. I take his blood.

He thinks - and he’s fucking thinking, I know he is - that he only eats if we stick a needle in him.

I’m hurting a child.

I’m teaching a child to be hurt.

I’m not religious but this feels like the sort of thing you ask for forgiveness for, doesn’t it? I should call Maman and ask her who I could talk to. I’m going to call Maman or Baba tomorrow.

No I’m not.

What would I tell them I need to speak to someone about?

What if whoever I speak to calls and reports him, and Dr. L knows it was because of me?

I need to stop thinking about this. 

“No, NOT draw blood,” I said, and he whimpered again, held out his arm further, closer to me, tapped his elbow again. I knew he could still hurt me - their strength is prodigious, the first time we got him out of the tank he nearly pulled Dr. L down into the water with him - but I decided it was worth the risk. 

I kept thinking, he’s more scared of me than I am of him, but you know, of course he is. He’s the one with bruises.

I stretched my own arm out and showed it to him. He flinched back a little, and then leaned forward again, sitting in the little rolling tank that’s barely big enough to hold him. His blunt claws touched my arm, delicate as a feather, clicking as he poked at the sleeve of my sweater. 

“No draw blood,” I said. “Just fish. Eat.” I mimed chewing.

He looked at me and clicked twice, cocking his head, then looked at my candle from Miah, pointing at the ocean scene. “Ffff-sshhhh,” he said, muffled. 

“No, that’s a candle, it just has fish painted on it. Candle. Fire. Yes?”

Blank stare. 

Then, repeated, “Ffff-sssshhh.”

I sighed and pulled out my little lighter. I don’t smoke or anything, but I hate the way matches smell, so I have a lighter on me basically all the time. Plus, having lighters was a pretty good way to make friends back in undergrad when I gave a fuck about that. 

I flicked on the lighter, and the mer chirped, curiously. 

Has it never seen fire before?

Why would it, it lives in the ocean. Don’t be a dumbshit, Bahram.

“Fire,” I said, and held it out a little for a closer look. “Fire.” I tilted it and lit the candle, and the mer leaned forward, rapt, as the wick sparked up to flame and I blew the smaller flame on the lighter out. 

“FFfffff,” The mer said, barely audible. It clicked and held out its hand, and I wasn’t fast enough.

“No, wait stop-”

The mer’s fingertips touched the flame and it let out a deafening loud cry of pain and jerked its hand back down into the water, whimpering at the new kind of hurt, looking at me like it was MY fault, and maybe it was. Eyebrows furrowed, little crease in its forehead, big sad eyes. 

The big sad eyes are wrecking me.

“Well, don’t touch fire and you won’t burn,” I said, shaking my head. “No touch fire. Fire bad. Fire burn.”

He held out his hand to show me. “Ffff-rrrrr.” It was a plaintive little breath of air, not quite a real sound. 

The ends of two fingers were a little dark, that’s all. I could explain that by saying he’d hurt himself in the tank, maybe. I shook my head and pointed at the water, and it put its hand back in there, huffing a little breath of relief, I think. The water probably helped with the sting. 

“Right. Fire bad. No fire.”

“Ffff-rrr... buh-ddd.” 

“Right. Fire bad.” I stood up and walked over behind him, and he tried to turn and watch me but I shook my head and pointed back at the candle and he sort of huffed again and looked away. I felt him tense when my fingers touched the back of his head, but he sat still.

Probably because if he struggles when she goes to take the muzzle off or gets her fingers near his mouth, Dr. L has this electricity stick thing… 

I’m not supposed to mention that in the transcripts.

I’m not supposed to mention how he screams, and he doesn’t sound like a whale or an otter, then. He doesn’t sound like an animal.

He sounds like a child.

He IS a child

He’s just

I’m a fucking

No. I need to focus. This is stuff I can’t tell Dr. L, I need to write it down here where it’s safe.

The muzzle is easy to get off, you just need to be looking right at it, and I unbuckled and pulled it free, feeling a little resistance from how well it stuck to his face. Without it on, there are deep red lines along his cheeks and jaw, not open or bleeding, just irritated. 

He didn't grab at me, or bite. Just watched me with his big eyes as I laid it down on my desk. For a second we were both just quiet, looking at each other. 

Then he pointed at the candle again. “Ffff-sssshh.”

“No,” I said. “Candle. Fire.”

The mer’s eyebrows furrowed and he shook his head, echoing what I did earlier. His hair slapped around. His teeth look like shark’s teeth up close, only there’s a lot less of them. “Nnnn-nnnuh,” He tried, shaking his head again.” Nnn-uh. Ffff-sssshhh.” Then he pointed at his mouth, opening wide, showing me the tongue behind his teeth. “Fffff-sssshhh. Ffff-ssshhh.”

I laughed, covering my mouth - he seems to be scared when we show too much teeth, probably in the ocean it’s a threat and they don’t smile like we do. Which, why would they? 

But, see, I realized that he wasn’t pointing at the candle at all, but at the fish painted on it. Then he moved to look at the bucket of fish he gets as a reward for obedience, and pointed at that, then looked back at me to see if I was paying attention.

Of course I was. I was barely fucking breathing. This is signs of abstract thought process, recognizing that the image of a thing isn’t the thing itself. That he can point at it to represent what he wants. “You want fish? Is that it? You’re hungry? Want to eat some fish?”

The mer blinked and made a sound like a chirp, clapped his hands together. “Rrrrr. Fff-sssshhh.” He pointed at his mouth again. “Ffff-ssshhh. Buh-rrrrmm. Ffffsshh.”

“What did you say?” I whispered. My heart went cold. I can’t describe it any other way.

“Buh-rrrrmmmm. Ffff-sssshh, Buh-rrrmm.”

The bloody thing knows my fucking name. 

He knows we have names and he knows mine and that means-... that means he has one, doesn’t it? If he has a name, if he has

I’m his fucking nightmare aren’t I 

I’m the worst fucking thing that could happen to him, me and Miah and Dr. L and Anders and this is a job but it’s the worst thing that’s happened to him and it’s only

It’s going to get worse for him.

He’s going to die here and he’ll know all our names when he does.

Anyway, so... you know... I brought him a bucket of fish.

What else was I supposed to do? 

He knows my name!

He let me put the muzzle on him again without fighting after he finished, and I got him back in the tank once the water was refreshed, and he’s sleeping off his meal now. I can see him on the feed, curled up inside the cave.

But I’m wide awake, so I thought I’d write this, because…

Because what the hell do I do now?

I can’t tell Miah.

Can I?

 ---

@astrobly @burtlederp @finder-of-rings @slaintetowhump @moose-teeth @misspelledwitch @whumpfigure @whumptywhumpdump @boxboysandotherwhump @whumpywhumper

[theficplug]

Swipe Right

Tyler Lepley x Black Reader 

warnings : none, mostly fluff with just a tiny bit of smut if you can call it that at the end. i’m not too familiar with him but i tried ! to the cutie who requested, i hope you like it. alright enjoy x  Face mask on. Wine in hand. Impulsive 10$ Dark and Lovely hair dye bought at the beauty supply store already slathered in your hair. It was your time set aside out of the week for you and your best friend to complain. Although homegirl was on the other end of the phone getting ready for anniversary and was not relating to your rant of the night. 

 “Girl, I’m telling y’all right now if I get another unsolicited dick pic in my dms or another “You got the bill right? I’m just a lil in between jobs right now you know how it is right baby”? I’m joining a nunnery because I love love, but me and my bank account can NOT keep getting played like this.” you rant to your friends over a video call as you walk around your apartment tending to the foils in your hair. 

The series of failed dates and “talking stages” had left a sour taste in your mouth and put you off from dating altogether, but your best friend Layla is trying to convince you to give Tinder another go. 

“I don’t know Lala. I just don’t have another talking stage in me. I’m grown in the words of the iconic Miss New York Tiffany Pollard : I want eggs CRACKED AND SCRAMBBBLLEEDD” 

Layla’s husband Aaron’s laughter erupted from somewhere in the room on her end and you raise an eyebrow not knowing that he had been ear hustling the whole time. 

“Just give a little more time. You never know what can be right around the corner!  There has got to be at least a few foine men on Tinder. Give it one more try.” Layla encouraged before saying that she had to go because her man had the night planned for their anniversary dinner. 

You huffed and sat the phone aside as you waited for the copper coloured hair dye to process your curiosity got the better of you and you reached for your phone again.

As you thumbed through the profiles of folks “looking for a beautiful girl for me and my husband (:” and “if you a feminist, pay for our first date”. You were two seconds away from putting your phone to the side again before you noticed “Tyler Lepley” and his profile.

You nearly spit out the cheap bottle of Stella Rose on your carpet in disbelief. “No, this has got to be a whole ass catfish. Why would his fine ass be on Tinder of all places? Let’s humour him. Wait but he’s verified... At the very least this should be funny as hell.” you say to yourself before rolling your eyes. 

“Okay and I definitely got to make some single friends cause I’m really home on a Saturday night talking to myself. . . Whatever-” 

You swipe right on his profile and almost instantly your phone notified you that there was a match. 

‘Hey I just wanted to let you know I think you’re beautiful and if you’re ever in the area I’d like to take you out sometime. On me of course.’

“Oh he’s good.” you thought to yourself as you tried to think of a reply.

‘Sure, I’d love to. I’m actually driving up to Atlanta tomorrow for work. And if it’s really you. I want a Tika Sumpter autograph when we meet lol.’ you respond having a little fun with the troll at least before you log out for the evening. 

‘Oh, so you don’t think it’s me? I ain’t nobody big. Just tryna find the right one to bring home for the holidays so my nosey aunties can stop asking me when I’m gon get a wife lol.’

*attachment (1)*

“Pfft.. Anybody could’ve gotten that from Instagram or something.” you said to yourself. 

He’s good though. You’ll give him that much. 

‘Okay tattoos and lips! You’re handsome or whatever.That’s understandable. I’m looking for the same thing but I must be looking in all the wrong places cause if i run into one more dud that’s looking for a unicorn for them and their wife to “share”. Whew- it’s a lot lol.’

‘I get you. I haven’t matched with too many women on here myself. They either tryna see how they can get a job at the studio or they want me to be their sugar daddy. Which I ain't got no problem wining and dining my women btw. I’m just not looking for that kinda situationship. If you don’t mind I’d like to video call you cause looking as good as you look. I'm just tryna make sure you’re not a catfish.”

Hold up. This was just supposed to be a little fun and now this man is using the video call function on Tinder and you’re still sitting there with the dye on your head. 

‘Give me 25 minutes.’ you respond quickly before he replies with ‘take your time’.

The race was on as you began running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off as you wash out the dye quickly and inspect the colour. It was a really pretty natural ginger shade as you grab your hair diffuser and blow out your hair a little to dry it the best you could. 

After grabbing your makeup bag , you slap on the winged liner, a little highlighter, mascara, and a dark brown lipstick like you were back in school trying to get ready before class. 

You fluff and shake out your hair while looking at yourself in the mirror. With 5 minutes to spare you go to your closet and pull out a cozy warm brown cropped jumper that really stood out against your deep skin tone. 

“Alright, please don’t waste my time.” you whisper to yourself as you press the video call button and wait for him to come onto the screen. After about a minute and no answer you let out a heavy sigh feeling a little embarrassed and like a fool for actually believing that The Universe was about to hook you up like that. 

You put your phone on the table next to you and leaned back in the chair before hearing the notification go off again. 

After going back and forth about it for a few seconds you hesitantly answered the call and had to contain the array of emotions you were going through when you saw him actually on the phone, smiling at you with those pretty ass white teeth. 

You put the phone for a second before letting out a ‘thank you Jesus’.

“I should be saying the same thing about you! You are beautiful. God damn. When I first saw your profile I was like man aint no way. She gotta be some sort of catfish or something. I thought at the most it would be a funny cover story tomorrow on The Shade Room or something. ‘Tyler Lepley Catfished By Tinder Boo’. I apologize for not answering your call earlier. I just wrapped on set and I wanted to be able to hear you and give you my undivided attention. How are you this evening?” he says chuckling deeply and softly as he sits back in his trailer. 

“I was thinking the same thing. I’m like at least it’ll humour me, but I wasn’t really expecting you to want to talk. How are you? I was completely kidding about the whole Tika Sumpter thing by the way.” You say giggling nervously before fussing about with the window to try and get better lighting. 

“Oh really? Cause i got her to sign this shirt for you and everything. I can just do a giveaway with it or something else. I like your hair by the way...I’m doing good. It’s been a long day of pretending to get my ass kicked and running lines but I’m grateful to be in even better company with your pretty self. Even if it is through the screen for now. There’s something about a woman like you. I feel like I wanna know everything.” he compliments and flatters you and it’s taking your mind a while to process that this is not some extreme episode of Punk’d.

“YOU DID NOT! Of course I want the shirt. I was just fronting cause I didn’t wanna seem like that’s the only reason why I wanted to talk to you. Also, thank you. You just seem like someone who’s got his shit together and I really like that. At this stage in life people think I move too fast or that my standards are too high. I think it’s just because I know what I want. I want to be married, I want to be happy and comfortable. I eventually would really like to have kids. I want to have kids young so that I can have even more time loving them and my own little family..” you don’t like to waste time with the small talk. That’s nice too but you like to get straight to the point so that you’ll know if your views on life are aligned. 

And just like that you two begin to connect instantly . You talked and talked for hours from the time he left his trailer to drive home and halfway into the night.

You actually ended up falling asleep on the phone with him because neither one of you wanted to hang up. 

Scheduling conflicts prevented you from meeting up with him the next day but of course that didn’t stop either of you from constantly just wanting to hear from each other. 

4 weeks later after non stop talking and sending pictures and videos of your day when you couldn’t talk to each other. Both of your schedules lined up perfectly and you ended up meeting in Atlanta. 

You met him at a little cozy cafe and he held the prettiest bouquet of scarlet roses in one hand and a coffee for you in the other while standing with a huge smile etched across his face. 

“Hey handsome” you say to him before leaning in to hug him but was not expecting the peck to the lips. 

Even though you’ve discussed it and you’re both “if the vibe is right fun is not off the table” kind of people. 

You kiss his soft plump lips back and thank him for the flowers. Of course given the part of the city that you were in, he was recognized almost immediately by the barista.

“My mama and auntie love your show.They both got me into it too. We thought they were gonna kill you off this season! I was scared for you. If you don't mind, can i have a picture?’ The woman named Ericka asks as she moves from behind the desk .

“Hey Ericka, thank you. I appreciate it, of course.” He replied warmly to her before looking over at you to double check if you’re okay with everything. 

You awkwardly move to the side so that he can have his photo with the giggling fan already batting her eyelashes at him. 

He softly grabs your hand to keep you close to him and shakes his head. He’s lowkey clingy in the cutest way as he moves you behind him so that you aren’t in the photo and wraps your arms around his waist before flashing a smile at the fans phone.

“Thank you so much and you are so pretty!” She says to you before trying to quickly hustle back to work in the quiet slow moving coffee shop. 

“Me? Look at you and your pretty self ! I like your braids too!” You respond sweetly as Tyler beams with pride while watching you interact with the fan. 

“Sorry about all of that” he leans down to whisper in your ear before walking with you out of the coffee shop. 

“I don’t know about you but I ain't even gon’ lie I’m nervous as hell. I’ve been spending the last two weeks trying to figure out the best ways to spoil the hell outta you. I just think you’re incredible. From your story about all that you’ve been through to just like you. I ain’t ever had this before.” he admits and it throws you a little that he was the one nervous to meet you.  

“Nervous to meet me? Tyler, you meet about 50 different beautiful women a day. I’m not saying I’m not the shit cause I am. But no need for nervousness here. I think you’re probably the most down to Earth famous person I’ve met dude. A lot of them are real snotty when I style them and stuff. Just completely out of touch…You’re always busy doing something and I’m always working on something. How about we just do nothing? What’s your favourite way to do nothing?” I get all of my favourite foods and snacks and then I just watch all of my comfort movies and shows and forget about everything going wrong with the world even if just for a little bit.” you admit and he nods along before opening the car door for you.

The entire car ride there wasn’t an awkward moment or any tension hanging in the air. The conversation flowed smoothly all the way from the supermarket to the restaurants for to-go plates, and to his home there. 

There were plates of food of every kind of food you mention from pad thai to sushi, to indian food, mexican, and a plate of soul food cause you couldn’t visit Atlanta and not try some bomb ass soul food while you were there. Not to mention the snacks that you both also picked out. 

He had convinced you that you two should build a blanket fort and he broke out the candles setting the perfect atmosphere for the storm settling in. 

Something about the rain soothed you both as you fell over each laughing and talking about nothing and everything.  

“Okay so let me ask you would have rather been on Fear Factor or Supermarket Sweep? Because this is important. I’d have to go with Supermarket Sweep because I’d rather bust my ass on tv than be in a crate full of cockroaches or something like that. I would freak the fuck out. They was wylin in 2001” you say and Tyler ponders the question for a minute before letting out a pfft.. 

“Easyyyyyy. I will drink the cockroach milkshake over playing on Supermarket sweep. I don’t mess with grocery stores like that. That’s why I order all my stuff online now. I've spent two many of my Saturdays missing Saturday morning cartoons walking around with my grandma and mama while me and my dad trail behind trying to get them to hurry up. Besides skydiving is on my list to do at some point.” he explains and you pretend to gag as he says that he’d take the shake. 

“Good?” he asked with a little laugh as he noticed you had a whipped cream mustache from the caramel hot chocolate that he made for you. 

“Mhm” was the only response he got from you in between swigs of possibly the best caramel hot chocolate you’ve ever had. 

He leans in,  licking it off of your lips before kissing you sweetly and gently tugging on your bottom lip as his tongue runs across it again. 

“I bet you taste better though…” he says against your lips

His hands find your hips as he pulls you onto his lap. 

You learned that he was talented at several things outside of acting and being inside out beautiful and a good 8- . Anyways, something you couldn’t tell your girls about on Monday.

Leaving him was too difficult two days later because you’re both those types of people where if you know , you know that you’ve found your person and both agreed to try and meet each other twice a week. Once for sure so that you try not to miss each other too much. 

Maybe swiping right wasn’t so bad after all.

[unedited so if there’s a few typos i’m sorry i’ll edit them later! ]

[pitiless-achilles-wept]

Not dead yet!: Marking my 2-year anniversaries

On Sunday I marked my two-year “cancerversary” of my diagnosis and on Tuesday a member of the support group I co-founded (for young women who are stage 4) died. Like me, she had triple-negative breast cancer. Like me, she was diagnosed stage 4 two years ago. Like me, she had exhausted several types of treatment (because triple-negative is a beast) and was looking for the one that would work. She asked me about Saci (Sassy!) and proposed trying it to her doctor less than a week before she died. Nine days before she passed she joined our Sunday cancer yoga group from bed at the hospital to join our meditation exercises. Like me, she remained confident and positive and absolutely refused to give up hope. (Like me, she also wore her hair purple sometimes.)

There were many things that are unlike about us too. She had two teenage children who now don’t have their mother. She was twelve years older than me and had had Hodgkin’s before she had breast cancer--even worse luck than mine, to triumph over one cancer only to get this diagnosis. Unlike me, she wasn’t strong enough for Saci, the only targeted triple-negative line of treatment, because her body had reacted badly to immunotherapy. She was in the hospital for two weeks with somewhat mysterious symptoms all of which added up to her body shutting down. On Saturday she went home with her family in hospice care. 2 days later she was gone.

It’s not usual for things to go so fast. Typically, doctors, patients, and family members all have some advance warning and patients spend a solid amount of time in hospice care. I am sure that people will ask me why it went that way for her. I’m asking myself why too, since it is so shocking and so entirely unfair. The fact that it can happen that way at all is frightening to me as a fellow patient since it’s the scenario of nightmares. That really could someday be me. No one ever wants to think that--and I cannot live my life focused on it either--but it has to be acknowledged as a possibility.

[More below the cut about memories from 2 years ago today and hopes for the future. Also, an invitation to contribute to some writing if you want.]

Today, January 28th, is the 2-year anniversary of my stage 4 diagnosis. In a way, it feels more significant than my initial cancer news. I had four days being horrified, but thinking that I would get through this as a phase in my life. It would be terrible--I’d have a double mastectomy, scorched-earth chemo, radiation, anything to get rid of the cancer--but then it would be done. On the Monday following my first set of CT scans I learned that that was not true. My lungs were full of tumors. (Later, after lots of waiting, MRIs and biopsies, I'd find that my lymph nodes, spine, and liver were affected too. I still have tumors in all those locations, but no new ones.) I wrote a description of getting that news in an email to a friend over the summer, after I had read Anne Boyer’s "The Undying”:

“The worst part about the lung tumors for me was that my dad had gotten a very early flight and I learned the news while he was in the air. My mom told me we could not text or tell him on the phone, that he would need to be with us both. So I drove to Newark straight from the doctor's office. It was in the teens outside and windy as we slogged to the baggage area where we were to meet. I saw my dad in his warmest and ugliest puffy orange down jacket, looking small in it, forlorn and horribly vulnerable. I fell into his arms, thinking at least that airports were such horrible places, so impersonal and banal, that no one would look twice. 'It's in my lungs,' I said into his shoulder so that I would not have to see his face. I was crying into the jacket that somehow smelled of winter cold even though he had been inside for hours. 'Please, Daddy. Fix it, please.' I spoke like a child because, on some very deep level, I think I really did still believe that my father could fix anything. I was embarrassed, though, and so I tried to stem my tears as he put his big hand on the back of my head and said, 'Oh sweetie, we'll get through this. We will.' I knew that really he could do nothing--and that this was his nightmare of powerlessness--and so I sniffed and blinked and I did not let myself cry again until June.”

Two years later this moment seems as if it just happened. The impact of my diagnosis on everyone dear to me, and especially my parents, is one of the worst things about it for me. We all know that there’s only so much “better” I can get, with the current science, and we’re all playing for time while the research moves forward towards something better, something that would make this a treatable chronic condition. I go back and forth, emotionally, on how likely I think that is and how good my position is for the future. Right now, comparing myself to the group member who died, I feel relatively fortunate, even as chemo exhausts me, I lose every scrap of hair that was ever on my body, and I spend half of my days being almost unable to eat from nausea and loss of taste. I feel glad that I was able to get Saci, that my body has so far stood up to the ceaseless trials I have put it through, with four treatments and surgery (and full-time work and living alone etc. etc.). I feel strong, not scared, even as I feel the emotional toll of terrible loneliness from covid isolation, winter, and carrying a sick body through my days alone.

I do not love the “fight” metaphor because so much of having an illness is completely out of your control and I never want to take myself (or anyone else) to task for “losing.” And so instead I will praise my body for enduring. I will praise myself for my enduring also, in both an emotional and physical way. I checked back in on how I was feeling as this anniversary approached last year and was pleased to see how much better I feel about it now, partly as a function of being in a treatment that is (likely) keeping me stable rather than in the midst of choosing another new one. Here is what I wrote back to my group of friends in November 2019, the run up to the one-year mark:

“I’m feeling like I can’t plan and don’t want to celebrate, like I can’t perform “fine” for the people in my life to spare them from the pain I’m causing by not doing better and feeling horrible about it. Perhaps it would help if I let them know that they didn’t need to perform “fine” for me? I understand the desire to protect me from the obligation to take care of them and appreciate it. But sometimes it can feel like I’m the only one experiencing anger or grief or pain, though I know I’m not. Feeling so isolated in my emotional response provides no catharsis for it. Compassion and sympathy function on the notion of “fellow feeling.” If you’re just out here, feeling by yourself, you can’t expect any comfort. As always, I think of the moment in the Iliad when Priam and Achilles cry together over dead Hector. Grief (and you can grieve for many things aside from a death) is something explicitly to be shared.” So I guess I’ve shared it here. I can do that. And I can do another thing, which is to tell you I love you. People don’t really say it enough and reserve it too entirely for romantic contexts. It’s weird--it’s not like we are wartime rationing love! And every time anyone says it to me it helps. It’s an affirmation that I am integral in some way to people’s lives which, in a society that so greatly valorizes marriage/partnership and children, is something I can be in doubt about.”

There are some things I like here, though, and that I would now like to reiterate and invite you, my far-flung friends, to do for my 2-year milestone. Never has the notion of “fellow feeling” in times of grief and depression hit harder or been more important than during covid. In a way, the nation (or even world) was forced into much the same position, emotionally and practically, that my cancer put me in. People are isolated, unable to perform “fine” and wondering if other people feel the same way, or even if any of us can take care of each other at all. I am here to tell you that you can. Maybe not immediately but--sooner than you think--you can. Emotional reserves may be low but reaching out to support someone else can actually replenish them. You do not have to feel alone, or to feel, alone.

And for me, for this milestone and for the cancer-related depression that I certainly do have, I’d like to invite you to help me, so that I can do the same for you. I invite you to write something about how this milestone feels for you (either about me or not), how it relates to all the other insane things going on in the world or with you (not about me at all), how you felt on the original day when I shared my stage 4 diagnosis (definitely about me)--really anything that is on your mind or in your heart.

“Oh great,” you may think, “the English PhD has asked us to do homework!”. But no! It's up to you what you do. Write in whatever form you want, however long, even anonymously. And if you do I will write you back! Not with grades or comments, but with something to connect to what you shared. It is a way to create fellow-feeling; to open up, connect, heal. With me, yes, but also as the group of extraordinary people who have gone with me so far on this hard road. It’s a very different proposition to support someone through time-limited treatment with a good outcome than it is to sign on for whatever comes next. You are all, truly, pretty extraordinary.

Anyone who wants to send a note or reflection can email me or drop a file or post in this Google drive folder. Like I said, feel free to share whatever and do it anonymously if you’d rather. You can also askbox me here (better than DMS) or submit a post to this blog. (I'm taking a chance with open DMs for now...we'll see if that needs to change.)

I am grateful for all of you every day, but especially today.

Love, Bex

p.s. The title of this post refers to the cinematic classic "Monty Python and the Holy Grail," a film my high school self and friends loved. They, along with other wonderful folks. gave me a "cancerversary" cake with "Not dead yet, motherfucker!" on it this Sunday. p.p.s. The average life expectancy for people who get this diagnosis is 18 months to 3 years. Hitting 5 years would be extraordinary. Starting Year 3 is a huge deal and I have every intention of being extraordinary. (Never been average at anything in my life...I either succeed spectacularly or fail epically!)

[tracycameron]

The Beginning

I was always a rule follower.  Go to school, go to dance, do your homework, don’t drink, don’t do drugs, don’t have sex before marriage, blah, blah, blah.  Although one or two of those may or may not have been broken (little card game with alcohol at the age of 19 broke 2 rules in one night), I followed the straight and narrow.  I was the good child, which paved the way for my brother to be the one that got in trouble.  And although following the rules felt like it was the right thing to do to please everyone, somewhere along the line I forgot to please myself.  Ok- clear your minds, this isn’t sexual..... yet.  We wrap ourselves up in wanting to make our parents, our teachers, our family and our friends happy, we often forget what makes up happy.  And sitting here today, I can honestly say, I am not.  It has taken me a long time to say that.  I am not happy.  But don’t confuse that with the life I have, for that I am happy for.  I love my husband, although he annoys the shit out of me, I love my daughters (they too, annoy the shit out of me, but I gave birth to them, so their impact is partly my fault) and I love the home Jason and I have built.  What I don’t love, is myself.  I don’t know who I am anymore.  I have been so busy making sure everything else was in line, that I fell out of line in my body.  So, there it is.  I have finally said it.  And in the next few weeks, I am doing something for myself, for the very first time in my life and I hope it brings me to the point of loving myself again.  Join me on this journey of figuring out who I am and where I am going.  Hold onto your seats as it may get a little bumpy, but surely give you a laugh or two.  And, if you find yourself in here with me, please know, that your presence made an impact on my life and without you, I wouldn’t be the person I am, so I thank you before I even start.  Here we go.........

I am overweight.  God, just typing this makes my stomach turn and makes me feel like I want to throw up.  I would love to say, I just woke up one day and BAM I was overweight, but that isn’t what happened.  People will say “no, you’re not Tracy.  you look great”  I appreciate the lies, really I do, but after a while, you start to believe, hey maybe I do look great, and then go to the cabinet and make something to eat.  The truth is, I am overweight, I just hide it well.  I am 5′3 (ok, that’s a lie, I’ve shrunk, so I’m probably 5′2″) and at my last Gastric appt, I was weighing in at 220lbs.  Yes folks.... I put that number out in the universe.  UGH!!!!  I currently have a BMI of 40.1.   I’ve always been a numbers girl, and when I first went to Ball State University, I went to become a high school math teacher.  This my friends, is not a number I am proud of.  But, I am proud of myself for a decision I have made with my life, and to get to my happy place, I need to confront it all, so I am confronting this number head on.  

From the time I was 3, I was a dancer and a gymnast.  My mom would drive me an hour and a half, 3 days a week to a gymnastics facility where by the age of 4, I was doing back handsprings on a balance beam.  Kids have no fear at that age and I probably would have stuck with that, but the gym folded. So, I continued down the dance road.  I loved to dance.  iI obviously didn’t have the height for it as previously stated, but it was something I was good at.  Pointe and tap were my favorites.  The dance studio was my second home.  My teacher was strict and pushed us to be the best dancers we could be.  She and I always saw eye to eye, until we didn’t anymore and I moved on, but the love of dance came from the years and years spent with her in her studio.  She passed away not that long ago and so many memories of her flood my head.  I remember the times we laughed, took trips, our recitals, my friends.  You forget the other lessons that were the ones that probably made the impact.  There was no crying in the dance studio.  If you got in trouble, you held that shit in,  If you did cry, you were put in the bathroom that was floor to ceiling shag carpeting.  I can’t even make that up.  You stayed in there until you were done crying and then came out to join the rest of us.  When you were old enough for high school, the ‘unspoken’ rules changed.  You needed to make a log of what you ate and every Monday we were weighed.  There wasn’t a “weigh requirement” per se, but if you didn’t look good in the costume that was ordered for you, you were placed in the back or didn’t take the stage at all.  Now, before all you “Karen’s” of the world start attacking this line of teaching, just know, I wasn’t unhappy with it.  My mother wasn’t unhappy with it, matter of fact, none of our parents were unhappy with this.  Well, maybe some, but we came back week after week.  I wanted to be a dancer, I thrived on being a dancer and I would have done anything to make that dream of mine come true.  My teacher and I stopped seeing eye to eye, not because of how she taught, but because I chose my high school dance competition over a performance she wanted me in and she asked me to leave.  I cried, and by cried I mean bawled my eyes out, hyperventilating cried all the way home and for the weeks to follow.  My boyfriend at the time just put his arms around me and tried his best to console me, but at that time, a large part of who I was died.  I stayed on my high school team, we went on to win multiple competitions and performed at many events, but it was never the same.  

At the end of my senior year, I weighed a whole 103lbs.  And I didn’t know how thin that was until my youngest daughter tried on my prom dress recently.  YES....   I STILL HAVE MY PROM DRESS.  I don’t know why either, so don’t ask.  My parents kept everything.  When they moved to Florida and cleaned out their house, it was there.  So I had Lauren try is out.  Now, for those that don’t know my youngest, she is tall, beautiful, thin and well, everything I used to be I think back in the day, minus the tall part.  She is an active cheerleader and when she tried this dress on, she couldn’t get it up over her hips.  My mouth hit the floor.  I never thought of myself as skinny back then.  I thought I looked like everyone else.  Maybe we were all that thin back then, who knows.  It’s not like we went around asking each other what we weighed.  But that is the mindset of every young girl. And I think that mindset is still there today in young girls.  Each one of my daughters are beautiful but each one has their own way of viewing who they are and what they should look like.  And because of the experiences I will later share, I never wanted my kids to compare themselves with anyone else. Be you and be true to you. Now, if only I could have said that over and over to myself.  Until next time.....  I’m fine, it’s fine, everything’s fine.  

[smolsmolsmol]

Jin - When he suddenly become a child

Paring: Jin x reader

Genre: Fluff, Humor

Type: One Shot (#001-Magic Shop Series) 

Plot: You take care your boyfriend who ate some weird candy from Taehyung and it turned him into a child.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Wake up, Jin!” You shouted once you entered his house.

“Where are you jinnie?” He FaceTimed you last night and said he had no practice today so you two planned to have a date today.

“Where are youuuuuuu. Kim Seok Jinnnnn?” You shouted again.

“Here” a cute little voice replied.

“Huh? What was that?” You looked around, tried to find where the voice came from but you saw no one.

“Jinnie?” You asked again.

“Here!!” the same cute voice shouted.

“Where? The bedroom?” You walked into his bedroom, again you saw no one.

“Is this a prank or what? Come out, it is not that funny.” You said.

After a few seconds, the bathroom door opened and revealed a little kid who wore an adult pajama, which now looked like a dress to him because he is too smol.

“Yah! Who are you? Why are you here? How can you get in?” You kneeled down and looked at the child carefully.

“Oh my god! Now that I look at you, you look awfully like Jin when he is a child. You like a mini Jin. Are you Jin child? Oh my god! Did he cheat on me and knocked someone up?” You gasped.

The child rolled his eyes and said. “I am Kim Seok Jin.”

“Excuse me, what was that? I am afraid I didn’t hear you right.” You refused to believe what you heard.

“I AM KIM SEOK JIN, THE WORLDWIDE HANDSOME, THE OLDEST OF BTS.”

The child no longer controlled his temper and shouted on your face, though it did not sound really angry because his voice were way too cute.

“Wah hahahaha, very funny kid. How can the oldest of BTS be a…what…five or maybe six years old child?” You laughed. “Come on, tell me who you are and how you get in then I will help you to find your parents.”

“Is me y/n. I am the real Kim Seok Jin.” Jin sighed.

“Ok ok, proof it then little kid.” You replied.

“Ok but if I can proof it, you can’t call me little kid or treat me like one anymore.” Jin determined to prove that he is the real one.

“Deal. Little kid.” You smiled. Jin rolled his eyes again and started.

“I am Kim Seok Jin, born on December 4, 1992 in Gwacheon. Debuted in June 13, 2013 with six brothers, Namjoon as the leader, Yoongi as the rapper,”

“Wait!” You interrupted him, “I know and almost half of the world knows it too, it can’t prove that you are my Jinnie!”

Jin blushed when you called him ‘My Jinnie’, even though you two dated three years, he still blushed every time you mentioned he is yours.

“You got a point there. How about I say something that only we know?” Jin asked.

“Yes, little kid.” You patted his head and replied.

“We dated three years ago, I asked you to be my girlfriend on 18 August, the day I hurt my ankle. Honestly, I planned to ask you next week in a more romantic way but the way you take care of me makes it hard for me to wait one more week.” He smiled when he walked down the memory lane.

“In our first year, you told me you will knit a scarf for me but now we are in our third years, I am still waiting for the scarf.” You chuckled, you did knitted one for him but it knitted badly so you never gave him.

“You once burnt the frying pan but the food is still raw, just like how Namjoon did before.” He laughed. 

“Yah! It was an accident! I…I don’t know how I can do that but I swear my cooking skill is not that bad.” You lied, your cooking skills sucks. All you can cook is egg, boiled egg, egg roll etc. But who cares, you have Jin, the chef of the BTS.

“You are more horny after your period, and you always complain you have to buy one larger size clothes because your bra size is 3…”

“Ok ok, that’s enough! Don’t talk sexual things to me when you look like a kid.” You interrupted him before he could talk more.

“Now, do you believe me?” Jin looked at you with his big round eyes.

“Yes, I believe you Jinnie. But what did you do to become like this?” You nodded and asked.

“I don’t know, last night I felt a little bit unwell after we FaceTime so I went to sleep, but when I woke up... I became like this, a six years old me.” He shook his head and pouted.

“Did you eat something weird?” You asked.

“I don’t recall. I had dinner with all the boys. We drank a little, had some ice cream and Tae gave all of us. Oh!” He yelled.

“What?” You asked anxiously.

“He gave all of us a different color candy, said he bought it from the new store near the dorm. We all ate it, could it be the reason that I became like this?” He exclaimed.

“Maybe, should we call and ask them?” You asked while helping him to sit on the couch.

“No!” he yelled.

”What if I am the only one who become like this? They will definitely make fun of me, especially Kookie.” He pouted.

“Well, should we just wait for tomorrow to see how it’s go?” You asked and patted his head again.

“But what if I miss the golden time back to normal?” Jin worried.

“Then should we just asked tae about the address, we go there directly and asked the seller?” You softly asked while still patting his head.

“Yes! Lets ask tae tae!” Jin happily smiled.

“Ok, wait here.” You asked him to sit still and brought the breakfast to him.

“Jinnie, eat some breakfast while I call tae. ok?” You talked softly like how normal people talk to a child.

“No. I don’t want this, I want some ice cream.” He pouted.

“Jinnie, you can’t eat ice cream as breakfast.” You said.

“Yes, I can.” He looked at you and crossed his arms.

“No, you can’t.” You told him like a mother told his child.

“Yes, I can!” He raised his cute voice.

“No, you can’t. You need a proper breakfast and ice cream is not one of it. You never like this before.” You patiently said.

“I am a kid! A kid eats ice cream for breakfast!” He threw a tantrum when you rejected him.

“Oh my god, Jin. Now you act like a child, a real child. I have to call tae right now.” You ran to get your phone and dial Taehyung number.

“Noona? Good morning.” Taehyung's sleepy voice echoed throughout the whole room.

“Tae, did you give some weird candy to Jin last night?” You asked without greeting him.

“Huh? Yes, I brought all of the members some candy from the new open store near our dorm.” He replied while struggling not to fall back into sleep.

“Where is the store?” You asked once again.

“I’m not sure. You know I am not good at remembering the place.” Tae sheepish smiled.

“Well, meet us at the dorm three hours later , we need your help.” You ended the call.

“Ok, so now we asked tae to help. Can you please eat your breakfast, otherwise I won’t bring you there.” You turned around and told Jin.

“Well, I can go there by myself.” Jin mumbled.

“Oh really! I wonder how many hours it takes to get there with your tiny little feet?” You smiled.

“I have a driver license in case you forgot.” He yelled. 

“A six years old boy to drive a car? I don’t think your legs are long enough to step on the brake, your arms are not long enough to reach the wheel. Little kid.” You held your laughter, tried not to ignite his anger.

“You are meanie, y/n” he muffled his cry.

“Come on, Jinnie. We can have ice cream tonight. Please eat your breakfast then we go to the store to solve your problem. Can you do this for me, sweetie?” You kneeled down and smoothed his hair.

“Ok, just because I really want to get back to normal.” Jin finally ate his breakfast after some childish argument.

“It’s gonna be a long day.” You sighed, went to his room and pack some essential things for Jin to go out.

After some moment, Jin ran into the bedroom. “I finished! Hehe.”

“You are a good kid.” You replied but gasped when you looked at Jin. Some food stains were visible on his face and clothes. 

“Why? Jin! Why?” You exclaimed.

“I am a kid, what do you expect?” Jin put his tough out.

“God, I don’t even know you were that kind of kid. Come, you need to bath before going out. I will prepare the bath for you.” You stopped packing and went inside the bathroom.

“Can I have a yellow duck?” He whispered.

“You don’t have any duck.” He was upset when he did not have a toy bath with him.

“But you can have RJ, let me see which one can put in the tub while you go inside the bath and start bathing, is it ok with you?” You asked.

“Yes.” “Do you need any help?” You asked again.

“No, I can bath myself. Find me a toy is enough.” You left to look for any RJ toy that can be put into the water.

After 15 minutes, Jin came out from the bathroom.

“Come on, let me dress you up.” You asked him to come forward.

“I don’t want to wear this one, it's too big!” He complained and refused to wear the clothes you prepared for him.

“Jinnie, we don’t have any clothes that are suitable for your current size, this one fit you the most. Please just dress it so that we can go straight to your dorm and ask tae for help.” You tried to reason him.

After some struggle, he finally properly dressed, just when you two were ready to leave the house.

“Wait!” He shouted. You turned around to see what’s the matter.

“I don’t have any shoes.” He looked at his tiny little feet.

You kneeled down and sketched your arms wide. “Come, let me carry you.”

“I hate this, I hate this. I will kill Kim Taehyung once I get back to normal.” He mumbled when he walked into your arms.

“I am a well grown up man. But now I eat messily, need a duck when I bath and need to be carried all the time.” He kept mumbling and you placed his head to your shoulder.

“y/n, you smell so nice and you are so soft too. This will be the only thing that I enjoy in a situation like this.” He still mumbled.

You couldn't help but to think how life would be if you two stay forever, will you two get married and have kids, will you two be a good parent to them, when will both of you be ready.

“What are you thinking?” He asked. “Nothing.” You whispered.

He looked at you and pinched your cheek.“Stop daydreaming, you have a kid to take care of.”

“Yah, it hurts!” You smacked his little hands and he laughed.

“Jin.’’  “Is Jinnie.”  “Fine, jinnie.”  “Yes?” “You don’t laugh like a windshield wiper when you are a kid.”

“y/n! You are a meanie!.” He shouted to your ears and you smiled.

After a few minutes' drive, you two finally reached his drom. Once you opened the door, you saw all six members were chilling on the couch.

“Damn, Taehyung. I only asked you to come.” You said.

“Well, nice to meet you too y/n. I am so sorry that we aren't allowed to chill in our own home.” Yoongi teased you.

“Yoongi, you know I don’t mean that.” You panicked.

“I am kidding, who is that kid btw?” He smiled and asked.

“Huh?” You are confused.

“The kid you are carrying y/n noona.” Jimin said and pointed your shoulder.

You suddenly dumbfounded, you did not think of how to introduce this kid is Jin.

“Kim Seok Jin.” Jin replied and signaled you put him down.

“Kim Seok Jin? The same name of our Jin hyung?” “You are so cute buddy, how old are you?” “You look a lot like Jin, are you noona and Jin hyung kid.” “Do you want some mint chocolate ice cream?” “Or do you want some banana milk?”

All the members threw random questions to Jin at the same time.

“Shut up.” Jin shouted.

All the members stopped talking and looked at the kid.

“I am the real Kim Seok Jin, World Wide Handsome Kim Seok Jin, BTS’s Kim Seok Jin!” They all looked at you and you nodded.

“Noona, this is not funny, How can he be Jin hyung?” Namjoon asked you.

“Hey buddy, I understand you adore our Jin hyung, but he is not here right now. Would you like to come and sit on the couch while waiting for him?” Hoseok kneeled down and asked.

Jin rolled his eyes and smacked Hoseok's head with his little fist.

“I am the real one, After I ate alien tae candy last night, I became like this.” He sighed.

“Oh my my my, it actually works? I thought she was only joking.” Tae whispered.

“Tae, do you know where the store is located? We need to ask the seller to fix it.” You asked.

“Um...I don’t.” Tae softly replied.

“What do you mean you don’t know.” Jin lost his patience and yelled at him.

“I lied, I brought it online.” Tae replied with guilt.

“Kim Tae Hyung, how many times did I tell you not to buy something that is weird or no certification from the internet? Look what you did this time.” Jimin yelled at his best friend.

“Sorry guys. But I have the seller's contact, let me ask her how to fix it.”

@Vantae: Hello!

@MagicShop: Hi! My beloved friend, how can I help you?

@Vantae: Do you remember I brought seven candies from you last week?

@MagicShop: Yes!

@Vantae: One of my friends turned into six years old. Any way to fix it?

@MagicShop: Oh, so your friend ate the “Back to Youth”, the pink one. It is normal that people turn into a kid.

@Vantae: Is there anyway he can get back to normal?

@MagicShop: Just a moment, let me see.

@MagicShop: You brought one day effect, which means it only lasted 24 hours.

@Vantae: Thank god! He will kill me if he knows he can’t switch back.

@MagicShop: If he likes, he can buy the lifetime effect one.

@Vantae: I don’t even dare to mention it to him. Anyway, are you still up for tonight?

@MagicShop: It has become my regular routine now, taetae.

@Vantae: Good, then see you.

@MagicShop: See you!

Taehyung smiled and put his phone back in his pocket.

“Guys, the effect lasted 24 hours. Jin hyung, you will be fine soon.” Tae said.

“Aw, Jin hyung will soon be back to his old and grumpy self.” Jungkook said.

“I am not old and grumpy!” Jin yelled and kicked Jungkook's legs with his tiny little feet.

“Can’t Jin hyung just stay like this?He is too adorable and I don’t have to be the not so tall member.” Jimin smiled. 

“Do you really feel good by comparing your height to a kid.” Yoongi rolled his eyes and said.

“Thank you taetae, now things are settled. Do you want to stay here or do you wanna go home?” You asked him.

“I want to go home. They all look and treat me as a child, I don’t wanna stay here! And jungkook, please stop filming me!” He whispered.

“Sorry hyung, but you are just too cute not to take photos of.” Jungkook laughed and filmed little Jin in different angles. 

“Namjoon, can we borrow some of your clothes? It is uncomfortable for him to walk around with adult clothes. I will buy you a new one after everything settled.” You asked Namjoon for some kid clothing cause you knew he sometimes collects kid clothing.

“Sure! I packed you a set and no need to return and buy me one.” Namjoon smiled.

“Please, give me two sets, in case he eats messily again.” You asked.

“No problems!” Namjoon's heart warmed by your request. He knew you always took good care of Jin but he never knew you are so detail minded.

“I am sorry, Jin hyung” Taehyung felt guilty for making his hyung like that.

“It's fine, I’m not mad at you. Just make sure you don’t do that again.” Jin said and Taehyung smiled happily after knowing his favourite hyung forgave him.

“Did any of you feel weird after you ate the candy? I felt nothing.” Hoseok asked.

“I feel nothing too!” Yoongi replies.

“So I am the unlucky one?” Jin cried in your arms and you tried to calm him down.

“Shh, is ok. Tae said it only lasts 24 hours, you just need to bear it for a couple more hours then you will get back to World Wide Handsome again.” You patted his back tried to calm him down.

“Am I not handsome right now?” Jin asked while still crying in your arms.

“You are a world wide cutie right now.” You smiled and patted his head.

“Jesus, I never saw Jin hyung like this.” Jungkook whsipered.

“Noona, here you go!” Namjoon backed with a bag of clothes.

“Thank you, Namjoon! Guys, we will be going now. I will contact you guys if anything happens.” You thanked Namjoon again.

“Do you want me to carry you or do you want to walk by yourself?” You asked Jin who tying the shoe that namjoon gave him.

“I can walk.” Jin replied.

“Cool, Hold my hand tight then.” He wrapped all his fingers around your three fingers.

“You ready?” You asked and he nodded.

“Ok, let’s be a good boy and greet others goodbye before we go.” “Bye guys! Don’t have too much fun without me!” “Goodbye everyone.” You also greeted them.

All the members answered back. “Bye noona, bye hyung.” “Drive safe and take care of Jin hyung please.” “Call us if you need help!” “Goodbye mini Jin!”

“Damn, I want to have a kid too.” One of the members said. 

“You can have one with your girlfriend if you both are ready.” Someone replied.

“Yeah, but I am too old for that.” All members turned to him.

“Oh my god! You are definitely too old for this, you look like a grandpa now. Tae, what kind of candy you gave him last night?” They gasped. 

Finally you two back to his home after few minutes' drive. “So what do you want to do now?” You asked Jin.

“Spider-Man Movie!!” He exclaimed.

“Ok, please prepare the movie and I go prepare the ice cream.” You said.

“Give me the strawberry flavour !” He shouted while running to the living room, you chucked.

Jin fell asleep halfway through the movie, you carefully picked him up, put him into bed and cleaned his face with a wet towel.

After everything settled, you went back to the living room and cleaned the mess. You ordered dinner for you two, after a few more hours, the food was delivered so you woke Jin up.

“Jinnie, wake up. The food is here.” No response.

“Jinnie.” You called him again but still got no response.

“Should I kiss all over your face to wake you up? Sleeping beauty?” You swore you see his mouth slightly curled up.

“Maybe not kisses but tickling.” You said and tickled his neck and belly.

“Stop! y/n! Haha…I am wide awake now...hahaha...stop!” He laughed and tossed around.

“Good, come out when you are ready, sleepy head! Don’t take too long, the food will turn cold.”

After the diner, after the bath, you can finally take some rest. Two of you laid on the bed and you tried to get some sleep.

“Stop poking me Jin, go to sleep.” You mumbled.

“I am scared.” He whispered. “Of what?” You asked.

“What if I can get back to normal?” He mumbled.

“Don’t worry, it won’t happen. Even if it happens, I will walk through heaven and hell to find someone to fix you. I will use all your money to hire the best people to develop the medicine that can fix you. I will join any religion or even cult group as long as they can fix you.” You replied and you mean every word.

“Stop all the nonsense, y/n. Let’s just sleep.” Jin never thought you can sacrifice yourself for him.

“Btw why use my money!” He said and hugged you.

“Well, you are richer than me.” You hugged him back and he placed his head on your neck. Two of you finally fell asleep.

Ring...ring...ring…

“Morning.” Jin tiredly said.

“Is me, Tae! Did you switch back to your normal self?” Taehyung called.

“Huh?” Jin wide awoke, he rushed to the bathroom.

“Oh my god! I am Kim Seok Jin again!!” Jin laughed and jumped around.

“You are Kim Seok Jin even when you are six years old, hyung. Anyway, congratulations hyung!” Taehyung chuckled.

“Thank you, tae! No, why do I need to say thank you to you, you are the one who put me through all of this. Bye!” Jin ended the call.

~Knock Knock~

You knocked the bathroom door, “Welcome back, Mr. Kim.” You smiled happily.

“Hello to you too, Miss y/l/n” Jin pulled you into his arms and kissed you like no tomorrow.

“I missed you.” He said and pecked your lips again.

“I miss you too.” You pecked his lips too.

Both of you smiled and stared at each other and no one said anything because you two always understood each even no one said anything.

“My girl, my love. I swear someday you will be Mrs Kim.”

“My boy, my love. I swear someday I will give you mini me or mini Jin.”

After some hugged and kissed, you two went back to sleep. Jin back hugged you and kissed your hair.

“I owed you a date.” Jin pouted.

“Is fine. Thanks to you, I have an unforgettable day.” You smiled.

“So who do you like the most? Me or mini Jin?” He asked, you turned around and faced him.

“To be honest, I like mini Jin more, his voice is cute as well as his tiny hand and feet. Oh! the way he leans on my shoulder is awfully cute too.” His face blanked after hearing you say you like his little version more.

“But I love this Jin more.” You poked his nose and giggled.

“And I love you too.” He smiled and kissed you.

[arhvste]

☼just until i win☼

WRITTEN CHAPTER - WILL CHECK SPELLING ERRORS LATER

an - the inspo for this chapter was : stay - post malone and a little bit of moral of the story - ashe

big thank you to my pretty and talented wife @totorosleaff​ for the end ;) ily wifey 💕💗💖💘💞✨

soz lol lmao haha

-

atsumu, bokuto and y/n made their way out of the training grounds and through to the back exit where a car was waiting to take them. the head coach had advised the three travel privately to avoid disruption from the public and causing an unneeded scene.

as usual, bokuto was his excitable self chatting to the pair about how excited he way to go into tokyo and get refitted for a new jersey. y/n found herself smiling and listening to the boy patiently, but this didn't stop her from noticing that atsumu had been strangely quiet since he’d come downstairs to meet the pair. usually he’d have comments and contribute to the conversation and usual banter they would usually have, but today he sat quietly and looked bothered by something.

after 15 minutes of talking y/n’s ear off, bokuto had busied himself looking out the window and taking countless photos of himself and the scenery they drove past to send to akaashi. y/n turned to face atsumu who was staring mindlessly in front of him.

“what’s up with you this morning?”

atsumu was brought out of his trance as he turned to face the concerned girl.

“nothin. just tired.”

blunt response. but that's what atsumu was known to be. he never felt the need to beat around the bush, he always got straight to the point and would give blunt answers with no mind of anyone else’s opinion on the matter.

you hummed and studied his face. maybe he was tired, you couldn't say for sure, but even when he genuinely had been in the past he had still managed to seem a bit more optimistic than what he was being today.

deciding to let it go, you pulled out your phone to check through your emails and messages from the PR team and message ICS, the company who provided and sponsored the team for uniform and such, that the three were on their way and would be in their company within the next hour if traffic wasn't heavy.

-

the three arrived at their destination after travelling what felt like hours, but in reality was only an hour and a half. sure, the training grounds were in tokyo but to get to the other side where ICS were based, traffic and routes extended the journey for longer than one would think. 

bokuto had ended up falling asleep, y/n had spent most of her time replying to emails and sending updates of training regimes and schedules back and fourth to iwaizumi and the head coach and atsumu had more a less sulked the whole journey.

“okay you two remember what i said, in and out. got it?”

the two nodded, bokuto showing a lot more energy than atsumu. the three were escorted out of the vehicle and into the back entrance of the ICS head offices. upon entering, the three were greeted by several workers who offered their hospitality and good luck for their upcoming games.

after checking in and being led to a waiting room, the trio let out a sigh of relief upon managing to arrive without any disturbance. 

bokuto insisted he needed to go to the toilet before they got called in to get fitted and was directed down the hall to the closest one. 

the silence between atsumu and y/n was tense and unsettling which was unusual. both obviously wanted to say something to desperately fill the deafening void of silence but neither knew what to say.

“so, oikawa will be back soon huh. guess we’re not going to see you for a bit.”

y/n’s eyes widened slightly. why wouldn't she be seeing her own team for a while just because oikawa was arriving back home.

“no. you’re my main priority right now. i’ll see more of him after the games, i’m a trainer for you not him.”

atsumu tilted his head and turned away for a moment.

you stared at the boy in utter confusion. he had been acting up lately and you hadn't a clue why. osamu’s message about his behaviour had been living rent free in your mind since the night he messaged you privately. the same night atsumu told the group he was making it his own responsibility to look out for y/n.

y/n smiled slightly at the memory. the two would bicker childishly with atsumu refusing to take y/n’s orders seriously and y/n growing tired of his endless teasing, but their friendship was good. they were both open and understanding towards each other just how y/n was with every other msby player on the team. sure, she had been polite to the new players when the 4 black jackals had been scouted to the national team, but y/n had a soft spot for the 4 boys she had been training before teaming up with iwaizumi to take on a national team.

atsumu wasn’t someone who hid his emotions well. he was expressive and didn't care who was around if he wanted to make a scene. he was open and honest and that was something y/n appreciated. she did notice that he’d often struggle to sympathise and comfort others though. he’d prefer not to show his vulnerability and put up a rather bland and tough front to break through at times. after atsumu had declared his views on the whole situation, y/n couldn't help but feel warm inside when atsumu showed he cared. it must've really meant something to him because he wasn’t the type to openly care about things especially not situations like you were currently in. it was nice to know he cared but you were bothered by the fact he felt affected. he shouldn't have to worry about such things when the situation didn't directly concern him.

“you know i’m proud of ya right?”

atsumu mumbled quietly his face still turned away.

“hm?”

“like, you've ‘ad to put up with alotta shit recently and ya still manage to show up and train us everyday and keep us motivated. we’ve never thanked ya for everythin you've done for us n’ no matter what i’m always gonna ‘ave yer back”

once again miya atsumu had left y/n speechless. 

y/n smiled at him as he slowly turned to face her again.

“thanks atsumu, it means a lot. i hope you know how proud i am of all of you individually though, that's why i want to do my best to make sure you can do yours too.”

he gave her a small smile before relaxing back into his chair.

the once heavy silence now lifted as the two of them sat there smiling waiting for the inevitable return of their ace.

-

the rest of the afternoon went by swiftly, none of them had realised they’d ended up spending most of the day in the offices as the process took a little longer than y/n had initially thought. both boys got remeasured and to their satisfaction they had indeed built up more muscle from their intense training causing their new jerseys having to be altered quite a bit from their last ones. after that, they were taken into a studio for updated shots to be taken of them for future reference for if they ever needed any more altercations done in the time to come, lunch was provided for them all as they took a break and another 2 hours was taken up discussing when the jerseys could be collected and y/n had gone to contact iwaizumi to check if any other players needed any extra uniform or anything else sent to them while she was there.

since y/n’s last conversation with atsumu, he’d seemed to have perked up more and was sharing the normal banter he usually would with both bokuto and yourself as they got measured and fitted.

with a final thanks to the team at ICS, the three team japan members were taken back to the car waiting out the back for them. 

despite the fact, all three had spent most of the day out, it hadn’t felt like long. y/n’s body said otherwise though as she found herself feeling slightly drowsy on the ride back to the dorms. atsumu and bokuto looked at each other as y/n leant against the window resting her eyes and tipping between the state of falling asleep and barely staying conscious. 

they had to get y/n back to her apartment for the party oikawa and the others had been planning for her for the past few weeks. 

“hey, you good?”

bokuto tapped y/n gently as he gave her a warm smile to which the girl returned.

“yeah, just a little worn out but i’ll rest a little later. thank you both for being so compliant with myself and the others today, you’re both stars.”

atsumu leant forward so he could look at the fitness trainer.

“could ya repeat that, record it and send it to the group chat, i don't think omi or samu would believe us if we told em you just said that.”

there was the atsumu y/n knew. he had snapped out of whatever mood he had been in recently and completely returned to her now.

she snickered softly and gently flicked his forehead.

“they're just gonna have to take your word for it tsumu.”

and just like that, y/n rested her head back against the window and allowed her eyes to shut for just a few moments. 

wasting no time, bokuto causally took out his phone and turned the brightness down in hopes not to catch y/n’s attention. opening his contacts he dropped a quick text to iwaizumi to let him know the three of them were on their way back and should be arriving within the next 45 minutes at the latest. 

5 minutes later iwaizumi responded thanking him for the update and letting him know more-a-less everything was ready for y/n to return to. they just needed to get her home back to her apartment without raising any suspicion from her. 

-

30 minutes had passed and the car was driving through the now familiar scenes of tokyo y/n, bokuto and atsumu were more used to. y/n had drifted off into a light sleep, bokuto updating Iwaizumi and akaashi every so often and atsumu had been gathering his thoughts while staring out the window. 

the familiar views of certain signs and buildings invaded atsumu’s view as he noted that they were almost back to y/n’s apartment. he nudged bokuto and signalled for him to wake y/n up gently as carrying her to the apartment building was not going to be an option.

“hey y/n, we’re almost back to your apartment.”

bokuto gently shook the peacefully sleeping girl as she began to stir in her sleep.

atsumu watched as y/n rubbed her eyes and gently smiled at the two boys. just seeing her like this made him anxious. y/n was anything but weak but seeing her so gentle and soft made atsumu feel like he had even more reason to make sure she was kept from harm both physically and emotionally. 

as the three grew closer to y/n and iwaizumi’s shared apartment atsmu’s nerves grew a little. y/n had announced she was dating the argentina player almost a year ago now and atsumu had yet to meet him. he had grown close to y/n with her being their athletics trainer for msby. he found himself respecting and trusting the girl as she grew along with the team and he found a comfort in her also announcing that she was going to be working alongside iwaizumi to train the national team he had been scouted for. 

having never met oikawa before, atsumu was skeptical. sure, he’d heard great things about the player from teammates, both athletic trainers and the media, but he needed his own opinion. y/n was someone atsumu cared for even though he wasn't always the most obvious with showing it, he was like that with a lot of people, sakusa included.

y/n was right in pointing out that atsumu was selfish but he always had good intention and she knew it. he was naturally protective and that was his way of showing he cared. sure, it could've been seen as selfish behaviour but to atsumu, his over protectiveness was just his way of showing others that he did in fact care and right now, y/n was the one he felt the need to protect.

he cared for the girl and even though he would never bring himself to admit it out loud, he would always be concerned for her and have her back if she ever needed him, the same way he would for bokuto, hinata and kiyoomi.

-

the car pulled up outside the apartment complex and y/n opened the door to get out. she leaned against the door frame as she attempted to bid both players a goodnight and one last thanks for their cooperation for the day. atsumu got out the car on the other side to which bokuto followed, confusing the girl who had just tried to say goodbye.

“come on y/n, let us take you.”

“are you gonna kidnap me or something?” y/n asked teasingly as bokuto gave her a grin.

“nah, just wanna do one last nice thing for ya tonight.”

y/n smiled and thanked the driver with the two boys following suit as the car drove off. 

“you’ll be good walking back to the dorms right?”

“yeah.” the two players said in unison.

the trio walked into the complex acknowledging the doorman and girl typing away at the front desk. 

taking the elevator up to the top floor to the lavish apartment both athletic trainers shared, the three shared casual banter as they approached the door.

“well, thanks you two, see you both tomorrow yeah?”

y/n went to open her door with neither boys moving. y/n just assumed they wanted to make sure she got in okay before taking their leave.

a little more playing with the keys in the door and y/n managed to swing the door open to her apartment left in darkness. the girl sighed and stepped inside as she went to flick the light switch.

before she could though the lights flashed on by themselves and y/n jumped back slightly.

‘SUPRISE!”

before her were akaashi, kuroo, kenma and a few others from nekoma you recognised, daichi, sugawara and asahi, kiyoko and tanaka had also made an appearance, yahaba, kyotani, matsukawa, hanamaki, sakusa, hinata, osamu and iwaizumi. 

and then she saw him.

tears welled up in her eyes as there stood her boyfriend of over a year.

the man she’d fallen in love with during high school but never bothered confessing to.

the man that had waited until his high school days were over and waited until he was on track for his own goals to confess to her.

the man that had promised her he’d do everything to make their relationship work despite the impossible distance between the two of them.

the man that she’d managed to build a strong relationship with practically through calls and texts.

there stood oikawa tooru.

y/n wasted no time throwing herself into him as she sobbed into his shoulder.

he could only let out a laugh as he let a few of his own tears slip out as he wrapped his arms around her bringing her even closer than before.

“y-you its you -but how? w-when did you get here, why didn't you tell me? fuck tooru, it’s you”

“shhh yeah, i’m here, I've got you yeah? i’m here y/n.”

everyone watched as the couple embraced each other for the first time in months. 

bokuto bounded over to akaashi telling him what a good job he did even though akaashi corrected him saying how it was actually the old aoba johsai third years who planned and got everything together. paying no mind to him, bokuto proceeded to greet others dragging his best friend along with him.

atsumu leaned off the doorframe and made his way inside the spacious apartment nodding a thanks to the others.

osamu made his way over to his brother to greet him properly.

“fitting went well then?”

“yeah.”

“must've taken a while ya didn't stop by.”

“nah we were there all day sorry.”

“don't apologise.”

osamu glanced at his brother who was observing oikawa and y/n.

“you... okay?” osamu cautiously asked his brother not wanting to step over any boundaries and cause a scene in front of everyone.

“still dunno if i can trust him.”

atsumu patted his brothers shoulder not giving him a chance to respond and gave him a small smirk.

“right, lets go greet everyone then, don't wanna seem rude.”

“you already come across rude.”

atsumu only snickered and ushered his brother out of view of the reunited couple and into the crowd of guests who were conversing in excitement.

osamu knew his brothers guard was still up but decided to drop it.

for tonight anyway.

-

the rest of the evening went smoothly with oikawa being able to properly reunite with former rivals and teammates. everyone was sharing past stories about highschool bringing laughter around the complex. 

music was going, lights were dimmed and everyone relaxed themselves and enjoyed the event as this was the first time in a while a gathering so big had happened. even sakusa looked like he was somewhat enjoying himself.

y/n hardly left tooru that night. he clung to her an equal amount. the two practically inseparable but that was to be expected after all. 

oikawa had his arm wrapped around y/n for majority of the evening and she found herself savouring the physical affection she’d been deprived of for months.

3 hours in and everyone had all caught up with each other for the most part. the party was still in full swing as everyone had a good time.

y/n and oikawa softly swaying to the sound of the music in the background as they let themselves fall into their own little world.

“i still can't believe you’re here.”

“i still can't believe it either.” oikawa sighed as he pressed a soft kiss to his girlfriends head.

“y/n look at me for a second.”

the girl looked up to look at her boyfriends now serious face.

“i know we won't get to spend too much time together, not until after the games anyway, but now that i’m here i hope you know i have every intention to give you all the affection you should've received over the months. i’ve missed you a stupid amount and i can't even tell you how happy i am right now.”

for the second time that night, tears pooled in y/n’s eyes as she threw her arms around her boyfriend.

“i love you tooru.” she whispered just loud enough for him to hear.

that was enough for the boy to throw his arms tightly around y/n’s shoulders and pull her into him.

nothing could've ruined the night.

in that moment everything was right in the world.

the peaceful sanctuary y/n had been craving lately had finally returned back into her arms and she couldn't be happier.

everything was finally falling into place.

but being in your own world will stop you from noticing your surroundings and whats anyone else is doing.

one mistake was all it took and y/n and oikawa were going to suffer at the hands of the people who they’d been doing their best to avoid for months on end.

the media.

-

-

just until i win

oikawa tooru x reader

masterlist

part 15 - lets go to tokyo!

part 16 - suprise

part 17 - aftermath

-

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[noona-clock]

Traveling Love (Collab) - Part 2

Genre: Fluffy/Romantic AU

Pairing: Nam Joo Hyuk x You (Female!Reader)

Warnings: None

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, Masterlist | Words: 2,230

A/N: Welcome to the third series in the monthly Love In Fours Ways collab with myself, @jackiejacks923​ @prettywordsyouleft​ & @this-song-thats-only-for-you​ . We have all taken inspiration from 4 illustrations (linked below), and during the last week of the month, we will each be sharing a 4-part mini-series based on those drawings.

Credit to: Puuung - Love Is In The Small Things

Part 2: Taking Photos of Each Other When Traveling to New Places

Joo Hyuk let out a soft groan as he flopped back onto the pristinely-made bed in the hotel room.

“Why is traveling so exhausting?” he murmured as he stared up at the ceiling before briefly closing his eyes.

Once you’d stepped out of your shoes, you gently crawled onto the bed and fit yourself right next to him. “I don’t know,” you sighed. You nestled into his side, resting your head on his shoulder as he put his arm around you and lazily rubbed your upper arm. “You’re just sitting the whole time, no matter if you’re driving on flying. ...Why is it so exhausting?”

After a little over a month of planning, the vacation you’d talked about sitting out on the balcony all those weeks ago had finally arrived. You’d spent more hours than you’d care to admit researching, mapping, booking, scheduling, and now here you were. You’d found the perfect little city next to a small sea with plenty to do and eat, but also plenty of ways to just relax.

Joo Hyuk let out a soft but contented sigh before pushing himself up onto his side and moving his arm out from under you to rest his head in his hand. “This is a nice place,” he stated as he looked around the room. “Good job. I’m very impressed.”

“Thank you,” you beamed, gazing up at him adoringly. “You told me to make this a treat, and I did.”

A tiny grin tugged at Joo Hyuk’s lips, and he lifted his other hand to reach out and tap you gently on the nose. “I knew I could trust you.”

“Of course you can! You know I love to plan things.”

“Exactly,” he nodded. “And you’re very thoughtful.”

“Well,” you murmured as your cheeks flushed a bit. “I try to be, at least.”

But you wouldn’t lie and say that you didn’t feel some sense of achievement at having planned this vacation -- and, so far, everything was going swimmingly, if you did say so yourself.

“What’s on the agenda for the rest of the day?” your boyfriend asked as he gazed down at you warmly. “It’s barely past lunchtime, we’ve got the whole afternoon and evening ahead of us.”

His question made you sit up, your eyes widening a little with excitement. “We have a reservation as this pizza place tonight -- all the reviews I saw said it’s the best pizza in the city. But before that, I figured we would just do some sightseeing, take some pictures, see if anything jumps out at us that we want to do in the next few days. Y’know -- classic tourist exploring.”

Joo Hyuk chuckled a little -- probably because of how weirdly excited you were to tell him the plans -- but he sat right up with you and nodded with determination.

“All right, then,” he said. “Let’s get to it.”

Even though the both of you had just been worn out from traveling all morning, you suddenly felt a burst of energy hit you. You sprang from the bed and headed to your suitcase to unpack.

After both you and Joo Hyuk had changed out of your traveling clothes and grabbed your cameras, the two of you headed out of the hotel and out into the streets of the city.

There was a slight chill in the air, making you relieved you’d put on your favorite green trench coat before leaving the room.

“Where to?” Joo Hyuk asked as he slipped his hand into yours.

You hummed thoughtfully, scrunching up your eyebrows and turning first to the left and then to the right. And since there really wasn’t anything to sway you one way or the other, you simply picked at random.

“This way,” you decided, lifting your free hand to point to the left of the hotel, down the relatively quiet street.

For the next few hours, you and Joo Hyuk roamed the city, barely even getting out your phones to look at maps or search something you wanted to learn more about. There was plenty of time for that during the rest of your trip; right now, you wanted to simply explore. The harmless threat of getting lost was actually kind of exciting because you knew a taxi was just a click away, so why worry? Normally, you did worry about it, but... not right now. Not today.

Today was just for fun.

Since both of you had brought your cameras with you, you spent a lot of time taking pictures -- mostly of the scenery and the awe-inspiring architecture around the city. You also snapped photos of any and all stray or wild animals you saw, so you most likely had about fifteen pictures of just squirrels in your camera roll so far.

Just as you realized the sun was incredibly low in the sky, nearing sunset, Joo Hyuk stopped walking.

“Here, let’s go on that bridge,” he murmured, nodding up toward a pedestrian bridge overlooking the streets below.

You quickly took out your phone to check the time, letting out a soft sigh of relief when you saw it still wasn’t quite time for your dinner reservation yet. In fact, there was absolutely enough time to visit the bridge, so you agreed and followed your boyfriend up there.

“Oh, wow,” you breathed when you stepped onto the wooden planks, your eyes scanning the view in front of and below you. “It’s beautiful.”

The lowering sun was casting the most beautiful golden light out over the city, the top of the sky starting to darken just a hint -- if you looked hard enough, you could see a few stars peeking through.

“And it’s golden hour,” Joo Hyuk added as he lifted his camera up.

“Is it?” you asked, lifting your brows as you turned your head to look at him. “I’ve always been curious what time golden hour was.”

“It’s just whenever the sun makes everything look...” Joo Hyuk smirked a little and gestured around the two of you. “Look like this.”

“Well, then,” you stated, lifting up your camera. “I should take advantage of it.”

No matter how vehemently Joo Hyuk protested it, he absolutely looked like a male model in every single picture he took, no matter if it was a selfie or a picture taken by someone else. He just had no bad angles, and even if the lighting was the opposite of golden hour, he somehow managed to look like he’d stepped straight out of a magazine.

So, were you going to pass up the opportunity to take a picture of your devastatingly handsome boyfriend in what was widely known as the best photography lighting?

No. Absolutely not.

But just after pressing the viewfinder to your eye and hovering your index finger over the button, Joo Hyuk also lifted up his camera.

“Wait, no,” you chuckled, though you still kept your own camera up in front of your face. “I wanted to take a picture of you.”

“But I want to take one of you, too!”

You laughed softly to yourself before going ahead and snapping the picture. You knew that, even with a camera blocking over half of his face, he would still look stunning.

Of course, you did make him put his camera down so you could take other pictures, and while he seemed a bit shy about it, he still posed against the railing of the bridge. But then he made you do the same for him -- and, to be truthful, that was basically the perfect description of your relationship.

Things had always been so equal between the two of you.

You never, ever felt like you gave more than you got, and you also never felt like you got more than you gave. Joo Hyuk wasn’t the most affectionate or emotionally expressive person, but that didn’t mean he ever made you feel unloved. He always showed you in other ways -- more subtle ways, mind you -- but for some reason, it had been incredibly easy for you to learn the language he used to express his feelings for you.

Even from the very beginning, things with Joo Hyuk had been so...

Easy.

You’d never worried about if he’d liked you or not, because you could just tell that he had. You’d never actually verbally established your labels as boyfriend and girlfriend because it had just happened. And you’d realized you were in love with him before you even knew you were starting to fall for him.

The two of you had only been together for a couple of years now, but it felt like forever.

Joo Hyuk had just taken a picture of you as you were looking out over the bridge and pushing your hair back with your fingers (a classic ‘this is a totally casual, candid, absolutely not posed picture’ pose), but instead of keeping his camera up and murmuring another suggestion for a pose, he gently set the camera down, letting it hang taut on its strap. He then slid the strap around his shoulder so the camera was behind him and walked the short distance over to you.

You figured he was coming over to tame a stray lock of hair which had been pushed out of place during the last picture, but instead, he simply stood behind you, circled his arms around you, and pulled you back to his chest.

“Hey,” you greeted with a soft chuckle.

He replied to you by placing a few kisses on your temple and ear, and even though they were very chaste, quick kisses, they still made your cheeks flush.

The two of you stood there for a few moments, Joo Hyuk moving his arms to grasp the railing in front of you while you continued to lean against his chest.

And then, in an incredibly quiet voice, your boyfriend murmured, “This is going to be... so cheesy, but --”

You held your breath, truly not able to anticipate what he might be about to say. You couldn’t remember a time over the last couple of years when Joo Hyuk had ever admitted to saying something cheesy.

“I...” he continued, his words so soft they were almost carried off by the small breeze in the air. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else right now. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else, and I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else. Just -- taking pictures with you on this bridge... I don’t know, it’s just -- it’s perfect.”

Of course, his so-called cheesy words made your lips split into a wide, beaming grin, and while you desperately wanted to turn around and face him, you knew he was too shy for that right now.

So, you simply turned your head and placed a kiss on his cheek.

“I think so, too,” you whispered.

You felt Joo Hyuk’s cheek move as he smiled, and then he said, “Thank you for this. I don’t know if I’ve actually thanked you for planning everything, and if I haven’t, I’m sorry because you deserve --”

You couldn’t stop yourself. You turned around in his arms to face him, standing on your toes and capturing his lips in a brief kiss.

“I deserve,” you said after pulling away. “To be with you right here, right now. That’s all. And you’re the one who found this bridge, so I can’t take all the credit.”

The look on your boyfriend’s face made it clear that he was about to refute you, so you continued on before he got the chance.

“I did all the planning before we left, yes -- but all the planning in the world doesn’t guarantee a perfect vacation. Or even a nice one. Now that we’re actually here, that job belongs to both of us. So, if this turns out to be the wonderful, amazing trip that I think it will, it’s not all because of me.”

Joo Hyuk looked into your eyes, his gaze a combination of adoration and admiration. “You’re right,” he said with a small nod.

You were just about to reply to his statement with a very smug “As usual” but to your slight surprise, Joo Hyuk beat you to it.

“As usual,” he smirked.

“Y’know, I think we need to document this moment,” you grinned. “And not just because you said I’m right.”

Joo Hyuk playfully rolled his eyes, but he still shuffled around so his back was against the railing and the two of you were facing away from the view.

You held up your camera, though your boyfriend took it from you without a word -- the guy was tall and had much longer arms than you, better for taking selfies -- and pressed his cheek to your temple.

You smiled brightly, and when you heard the shutter go off, you murmured that he should take one more. And then you turned your head, placing your lips on his cheek as you brought one hand up to cradle his other cheek.

As soon as he took the picture, you knew that one would be going on the bookshelf in your living room at home. You absolutely wanted to remember this moment -- this whole evening, actually -- for the rest of your life, and that picture would be the perfect one to document it.

Part 3

[horansqueen]

Stuck With You - Chapter 6

Chapter 6 : Bruises

🡪chapter 1  🡪chapter 2  🡪chapter 3  🡪chapter 4  🡪chapter 5

College Enemies To Lovers AU

characters // masterlist // instagrams // mood board

You're not alone in how you've been Everybody loses We all got bruises We all got bruises I would love to fix it all for you (I would love to fix you too)

click here to be on the update list

                                                                                            Although I had tried to talk to Niall plenty of times during the visit, he had ignored me the whole time. I wanted to make things right. I wanted to apologize and have a talk with him, but I couldn't force him into it and I knew I needed to respect it if he didn't want to be near me or listen to my excuses. He didn't have to apologize, he didn't even have to acknowledge me, but fuck, that really hurt me.

I tried to focus on the art exposed in front of me but no matter which painting or sculpture I stood in front of, I ended up thinking it was the expression of pain, loneliness or sadness. I knew it was only my own feelings reflecting on these artists' works and it made me want to run away from here. it made me want to go back to my own painting and finish it... or destroy it, I was not sure.

I noticed Niall was scribbling something in his notebook and walked closer to him. He smelled good, I had noticed that in the car and here, despite the unique smell of the museum, his scent reached my nose and made my heart jump slightly. It reminded me of nature, something like wood or a fire... mixed with the comforting  odor of the forest when it rains. I blinked a few times, realizing how stupid my thoughts where, and instead, I let my eyes roam on his neck. He was close and I knew he could sense my presence but the fact that he was still ignoring me made the hole in my stomach get even bigger.

"Thank you for the ride... by the way." I let out without thinking before mentally hitting myself for such a stupid thing to say.

He had insulted me and I had slapped him but here I was, thanking him for driving me to a place where he was going anyway, with or without me. Still, I noticed the traits of his face soften before his expression changed again. His jaw clenched and he looked mad. I held my breath, still staring at him, and he finally just shrugged.

"Louis made me."

Ouch. This confession was clearly made to hurt me and I hated to admit that it worked. I was mad that Louis would ask Niall that because it made me look like the kind of person who couldn't take care of herself. I knew Louis didn't mean anything mean by it but it still annoyed me more than I would admit, especially to Niall. I also felt genuinely embarrassed that Niall felt like he had to agree to his friend's request and somehow, I had the feeling he had argued with Louis to try and get out of that favor.

I was about to answer something but Daxia appeared and I decided that no matter what I was going to say, it was definitely not worth it. I almost forgot we had an actual paper to write and my grip tightened on the notebook I was holding. Nothing seemed to matter at that point, all I cared about was apologizing to Niall and then locking myself alone, but I knew it was impossible.

"Okay so you two can work on the second part together?" Daxia just said, her face twisting into a sorry smile as she looked at me. My eyes got bigger and I frowned, moving my head from left to right slightly.

"What?"

"Asher and I are just so used to work together I mean, we'll work together on the first part, and you guys can just write a few pages about the surrealist painters that changed the world?"

On one hand, it was an incredible opportunity to talk with Niall but I also knew he was probably going to keep on ignoring me and I wasn't too keen about that. I also felt a bit hurt that the new (and only) friends I had made were rejecting me and literally forcing me to work with someone they didn't really like.

Niall sighed loud next to me and pushed one of his hands in his pocket. I glanced at him and he looked even more annoyed than me.

"Sorry Dev, but hey I'll see you at the party on saturday?" she pointed out, making me frown even more. "We can meet the four of us next week to talk about the rest."

I stood there, next to Niall, as we both kept quiet and after a few seconds, Daxia sent me a small smile and readjusted the backpack on her shoulder before leaving.

"Looks like I'm stuck with you again."

Hearing his voice made my heart twist in my chest and I turned to look at him. He didn't smile at me, barely acknowledging me, and finally just sighed exaggeratedly.

"Alright." he gave in. "I guess we need to go to the library now."

I held my breath when he turned around and I ran a little to catch up with him, following him back to his jeep. I took a seat in but remained silent as he drove. I noticed we were going back to the campus and immediately knew where he was heading. I had only visited the library once, with Louis, a few days before, but we didn't really enter it or anything. I knew I would probably spend a lot of time here anyway so I hadn't insisted but now, I had to admit I was a bit excited to go.

I felt like a kid who didn't know what she was doing but I just followed him inside and waited as he asked for access to the basement and once again followed someone else who opened the door for us. They left us and I heard the sound of a door close behind us but I was too amazed by what I was seeing to think a about it. The couch, the table, the chairs and even the tapestry seemed to come straight from the victorian era and I've always loved how packed those kind of rooms looked. It felt warm and classy at the same time, which was, in my opinion, a rare and intense mix.

"Are you gonna let me do all the work?"

I blinked a few times and turned to look at Niall who was raising his eyebrows at me. I suddenly felt a bit stupid and cleared my throat before nodding. I don't know how long we worked in silence but when I looked at my phone, it was already late and I closed my book with a loud noise, catching his attention again. He looked up from his paper and his eyes met mine, making me press my lips hard together. We hadn't solved anything. In fact, I felt like he was even angrier with me and at that point, I had no idea what I could do about it.

"What time is it?"

I stared in his eyes for a few seconds and finally looked away, feeling slightly embarrassed without really knowing why. Or perhaps it was just him and the effect he had on me, now that he was pissed at me.

"Almost nine thirty."

He chuckled and shook his head. "Funny. Really though, what time is it?"

"I told you. It's almost nine thirty." I repeated with a frown. "Why would I lie about that?"

"Fuck!"

I watching him jump up from his chair and rush to the door. Slowly, I did the same and when I got there, he was hitting hard on the door with the side of his fist and I frowned more.

"Hey, hey, relax!" I let out, grabbing his wrist gently to stop him. "What's wrong with you?"

He turned his head to me and frowned too, shaking his head slightly. "You know this fucking library closes at 8pm, right?" he asked, staring at me and raising his eyebrows.

I felt my heart jump up so high that I felt it in my throat. This couldn't be true, could it? I couldn't be locked in a library with the only guy I knew who despised me more than anything else in the world! My face suddenly changed from confused to scared and he sighed,

"She finally gets it." he mumbled meanly before hitting the door one last time.

"I-It's okay, we can just call someone."

I searched for my phone in my pocket and almost dropped it as I tried to turn it around. When I finally opened the screen, I realized there was no signal. Once again, my heart jumped up but this time, it seemed to drop back in the pit of my stomach. It was a joke, right? I knew it was useless but I still tried to call Louis without success.

"Forget it. Nothing passes here. We're stuck."

He cursed a few times and walked back to the table, letting himself fall back on his chair with a loud sigh. I gave up and let both my arms fall on each sides of me before walking back nonchalantly to my chair, too.

"Fuck, tell me there's a bathroom."

Niall rolled his eyes and pointed a door to me, making my head turn in the direction he pointed before a feeling of relief washed over me. That would have been way too embarrassing for me.

"So, what are we gonna do?" I asked low, licking my lips.

"Starve to death, probably."

I grabbed my bag and pushed my hand inside, trying to find some food and sighed when I pulled out two sandwiches in a bag. I always kept some stuff in my bag just in case and I sighed, searching through my bag again before letting a few chocolates and a bag of candies on the table.

"So there's candies, chocolate, and two peanut butter sandwiches." I pointed out with a sigh. "We can share."

"Haute cuisine." Niall joked, making me chuckle. "Let me check if I have something, too."

He searched through his bag and I felt my lips curl slightly at his sight. He didn't seem as pissed as he was and I liked to believe he was not mad at me anymore. The problem was, Niall seemed to have weird mood swings that I didn't understand and it made him even more fascinating to me, as toxic as it seemed.

Unsurprisingly, he took a water bottle out of his bag and put it between us, on the table.

"That's pretty much it."

I chuckled and rolled my eyes before taking out the sandwiches from the bag and handing him a piece. He stared at it and then looked back in my eyes before sighing and grabbing it from my fingers. I watched him as he pushed half of it in his mouth and started chewing on it. He seemed to evaluate the taste and finally shrugged with a nod and pushed the second part in his mouth.

"I'm gonna have to work out for hours after that meal." he pointed out, grabbing a chocolate and unwrapping it quickly.

"You don't need to work out, you already look good."

I felt my heart skip a few beats at my words and suddenly started seeing spots. I couldn't believe I had told him something like that but instead to laugh, he just shrugged a shoulder.

"I look like that because I work out." he explained, leaning on his chair and putting his feet on the table before crossing his ankles.

I let my eyes roam on his chest, thighs and legs until it reached his blue and yellow snickers and I just cleared my throat, leaning against the back of my chair too.

"I'm sure you'd look good even if you didn't."

"Maybe, I don't know, but it makes me feel good."

I looked up at him just as he was finishing the second piece of his sandwich and I smiled. Who would have thought I'd once again be stuck somewhere with Niall Horan? It had barely been over a week since I had met him and it seemed like destiny wanted us to be locked together somewhere.

"I'm sorry I slapped you, Niall." I let out, feeling my heart beat unsteadily for a few seconds. "I really shouldn't have. And I won't ever do it again."

He started chewing more slowly and finally licked his lips with a sigh, reaching for his pen and scribbling something in his note book, his feet still on the table.

"I'm sorry I yelled all that crap at you. I probably deserved it."

"No, you didn't." I quickly argued. "Physical violence is never the solution."

He looked up in my eyes and his lips curled before he chuckled. "You're really something else, Devon Eaton."

"Uhm, thank you."

Niall rubbed his eyes and sighed and for some reason, I felt like he was about to say something important. I tried to stop moving and I even held my breath until he started playing with his fingers nervously while staring at them. His smile was gone from his face and he looked pensive.

"Look, I get pissed when you mention Louis because... let's just say I had feelings for a girl and he 'stole' her from me." he had made quotation marks with his fingers when he said "stole" and it made me frown. Was that the story Louis had mentioned before?

"Wait, you mean Louis dated the girl you love?"

"Loved. And I wouldn't use the verb 'date'."

I stared at him, noticing he was now looking at me and he finally raised his eyebrows. I immediately understood and my lips parted. "Oh."

"Yea."

To me, it didn't make much sense. He was obviously still friends with Louis and even if that was something he hadn't forgiven Louis for, what did it have to do with me? Why did me mentioning Louis had anything to do with Louis having sex with the girl he loved? I didn't understand but asking about it seemed a bit awkward and I decided against it.

"I told you a secret, it's your turn now, Devie."

I had so many secrets it was tough to pick. Not because I wanted to share them all, but because they all seemed too important yet insignificant to share. I reached for the water bottle but instead to drink from it, I started playing with it, twisting it in my hand as I stared at it.

"I fell in love with my one of my teachers at my old college." I let out with a shrug as if I wanted to prove that it was nothing. "That's why I came here."

I wanted to tell him that he had to keep that information to himself. I wanted to beg him to keep my secret, but somehow, something was telling me that Niall was the kind to keep your secrets no matter what, so I remained silent.

"Wow, okay." Niall nodded. He seemed surprised and I was not sure why. "I didn't expect that."

"What did you expect?"

He sighed low and moved intertwined the fingers of both his hands together, putting them behind his head as he leaned more on his chair. He always seemed to spread his legs and arms to get into an horizontal position and once again, it troubled me. Perhaps it was only because he looked good but I felt like there was more than that. Sure, Niall was hot, but hotness had never destabilized me like that before.

"I don't know. Unrequited love from a popular guy who didn't deserve you. Or a misunderstanding with a teacher. Or perhaps just that you didn't like the school." he explained. "Now I'm even more intrigued."

I felt my lips curl despite myself and felt my cheeks burn. I didn't know why his words had this effect on me but I couldn't help it and cleared my throat. I didn't know how to talk about something else and I glanced at his notebook, close to me on the table.

"Uhm, well, maybe we should keep working on our paper?" I let out quickly, reaching for his notebook. "What do you have so far?"

His eyes got bigger and I thought he was going to fall off his chair as he took his legs back and reached for the notebook in my hands. I only had time to read a few words but I was pretty sure it had nothing to do with our paper.

'Since we're alone, you can show me your heart.'

I blinked a few times, staring at my hands, exactly where his notebook was a few seconds ago, as the words he wrote kept appearing whenever my eyes were closed.

"That's not... that's... that's personal." he stammered. closing his notebook and putting it quickly in his bag. "I guess we can work a bit more on our paper if that's what you want."

He was avoiding my eyes and once again, I felt like I had caught him naked. Not physically, but it felt like I had seen a small part of his soul after reading what i guessed were lyrics.

"Uhm, yea, maybe an other half hour or something."

[thedumpsterqueen]

Standards of Performance, Chapter 4: Misjudgments and Saviors

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

AO3 Link

Sorry it's later than normal! I procrastinated the fuck out of the last half of this chapter and just got it finished. This chapter was originally going to include way more than just the interrogation, but the word count got away from me. Not a ton of Hotch in this chapter, but fear not, you will be fed next week ;) Also dark!Hotch hits different, you cannot change my mind. I hope you enjoy, thank you to everyone who takes the time to follow me, share my fic, and send me such kind messages. It means the world! <3

Summary:  You’re the BAU’s newest intern, desperate to prove yourself amongst an established team of much more experienced profilers. Agent Hotchner, the seemingly infallible team leader, sets strict expectations for your performance. He commands your respect without even trying, but is there something more to your relationship than a simple desire to impress your stony-faced boss?

Chapter: 4, Misjudgments and Saviors

Chapter Summary: The team interrogates Ellory Matthews and discovers that just because a killer is easy to catch, doesn't mean he's easy to predict.

Words: 2929

Rating: Explicit, 18+ (REMINDER: I don’t use chapter warnings to avoid spoilers. Assume violence, smut, etc. are possible in all chapters. Check AO3 for more exact tags <3)

Pairings: Hotch x Reader, Hotch x You

You threw on your work clothes and clambered into the back of the SUV in the dark, silent hotel parking lot. Morgan and Hotch were sitting up front, Morgan looking as exhausted as you felt and clutching a steaming cup of coffee like it was his lifeline, Hotch looking as startlingly unfazed as ever.

You caught a glance of the car’s clock up front between them and shook your head. Two in the morning - not an optimal time to interrogate anyone, much less try to force a confession out of a man desperate to avoid the consequences of a triple murder. If you were lucky, he’d fold quickly and the bulk of the paperwork could be pushed off until tomorrow when you’d all had more than a few hours of sleep.

After a blessedly brief drive (Hotch had a habit of ignoring speed limits, even in non-emergencies) and arriving at the police precinct, the three of you stood in the windowed room looking into where Matthews was being held. A police officer - you forgot his name, but he was one of the same ones who briefed you when you’d first arrived - gave you the rundown of his arrest.

“He was back on campus,” the cop said. “We stopped checking everyone in who entered through the gates after 10, so he must have waited until after then. Campus police were on a patrol when they heard screaming. He tried to grab a girl walking home from the library and got his ass pepper sprayed.”

You suppressed a snort at that. For someone who’d gone to such over-the-top measures to subvert the authorities after murdering three women at once, he was continuing to prove your initial theory, unprofessional though it was - he was an idiot.

Hotch thanked and dismissed the officer, who left after shooting one more glance of barely-suppressed disgust through the one-way window. Just the three of you now, you stepped forward, looking at your subject.

The first thing you noticed was his youth - he was young, around your age, which shocked you despite already knowing that information. He was big, too; not overly fit, but he certainly looked strong enough to have had the upper hand on nearly any female victim he chose. His face, inflamed and dripping with tears from the effects of the pepper spray, was his defining feature in that it wasn’t particularly defining at all. The structure was mildly unattractive - too-big nose, downturned eyes - and the symmetry just off enough that the absence of a stellar personality to compensate would render him nearly invisible to the opposite sex. That, you supposed, combined with a predisposition towards instability and a repeated lack of success with women, had created the perfect storm of obsessiveness and delusion that produced the three (almost four)-time rapist and murderer that sat on the other side of the glass.

“We need a confession,” Hotch said, breaking you out of your internal analysis, “but we also need to know if he’s done this before. Garcia put together a list of missing women that fit the victimology here as well as in Arizona and Nevada. Considering he dumped bodies there, we can assume he has some degree of comfort with those areas.”

Morgan grabbed the aforementioned list from Hotch and shook his head. “There’s dozens of names on this list.”

Hotch nodded in acknowledgement. “I know. That’s why I’d like to get closure for as many of the families as possible. But first, let’s focus on the three we know about.” He turned to you. “Morgan and I will go in first. We may have some success with intimidation from male authority figures, but I don’t see us piquing enough interest to get a confession. Normally, I’d send Prentiss or JJ in a situation like this, but I have full faith you can handle it.”

He paused, inspecting your face, no doubt gauging your reaction. “How do you feel about interacting with him?”

You felt sick, to tell the truth, knowing you were an exact match for his preferences. More than that, you felt woefully unprepared to conduct your second-ever interrogation under the scrutiny of two of the BAU’s experienced agents, including your boss. Especially your boss, whose gravelly voice and piercing eyes seemed to be occupying much more of your mental real estate than you were comfortable with.

You reassured him that you’d be fine, though, because looking like you were scared of interviewing a serial killer cast doubt on your ability to actually, you know, do your job . And if you watched Morgan and Hotch enter the interrogation room while really hoping that Hotch was underestimating their ability to crack him, well, no one needed to know.

Morgan swung the folding chair around, sitting with his arms propped on the backrest, directly across from Matthews. Matthews’ gaze, however, was glued to Hotch, who was standing with his arms crossed diagonally behind Morgan. You couldn’t see Hotch’s face, as his back was to you, but you knew what it looked like - jaw taut, lips pressed tight, frown even more pronounced than usual. Intimidating to anyone he came across, probably even more so if you were someone he was about to interrogate on suspicion of murder.

They made their introductions and began.

“Listen, Ellory, I’m gonna be straight with you here,” Morgan said, leaning forward. “This is not looking good for you, my man. We got you on attempted kidnapping at the same school three murdered girls attended. We have friends of these victims say they talked about a creepy teaching assistant in their classes. You’ve got piles of criminal psychology textbooks hidden in your house with notes that match what happened to these girls exactly. Put this in front of a jury, you’re getting convicted no question. At this point, it’s a matter of whether or not you wanna work with us and make this a little easier on you. You feel me?”

Matthews mumbled something indistinct, looking at his feet.

“Speak up,” Hotch commanded. You’d seen this before, what Morgan jokingly called the “good cop, bad drill sergeant” routine, but it always amazed you how easily they slipped into the roles.

Matthews looked up then, defiant. “They’re not mine.”

Morgan scoffed. “What aren’t? The books? C’mon man, they were under your mattress. In your house. No one’s buying that.”

“Well, it’s true,” Matthews mumbled, looking back down at his hands. “Don’t know how they got there.”

“And the girl?” Morgan asked, obviously unconvinced. “How you wanna explain you trying to kidnap a girl who fits the exact profile of three other girls who got kidnapped and killed in the same week?”

He whipped his head up at that, furious. “I wasn’t kidnapping her. She needed a ride. It was late.”

Hotch spoke up, his tone cutting. “Then why did she taze you?”

“She didn- look, she was confused, okay? I don’t know.”

“Sounds to me like she was pretty fuckin’ ungrateful,” Morgan offered. You cringed. You knew what he was playing at, but it was hard to hear nonetheless.

He continued, “Pretty girl like her, it wasn’t safe walking around that late, right? And you try to be a gentleman, try to help, and she freaks out and attacks you. That’d piss me off too, man.”

“Yeah. I guess,” Matthew responded, eyes flicking between Morgan and Hotch, seemingly unsure.

“Don’t worry about him,” Morgan said. “He’s just here cuz he has to be. Listen. We’re on the same page here. I’m you, I’m nice to these girls, I offer them rides, I treat ‘em like a gentleman. They turn around and act stuck-up, like they’re too good for me, right? That makes me mad.”

He paused, waiting for Matthews’ reaction. Matthews nodded, hesitant.

“So, what? Maybe I see them after they graduate or leave the college and confront them or something; tell them off for being such assholes to me when I was their TA. Maybe it gets heated, I gotta defend myself, someone gets hurt. Now, that’s not my fault, right?”

Matthews nodded again, more enthusiastic this time.

“Is that what happened to those girls, Ellory?” Hotch asked.

The room fell silent, waiting on his response. You leaned forward, nose almost pressed against the glass, praying it would really be this easy.

Matthews opened and closed his mouth, unsure. Morgan had worked him up, you could tell - his face was red, his hands balled up into fists on the table. He took a deep breath…

…and shook his head.

You cursed, stepping away from the glass. You heard Hotch and Morgan exit the interrogation room and come in behind you. You turned to face them.

“I thought you had him for sure,” you groaned to Morgan.

“Me too,” he replied, “but we got close. She going in next?” he asked Hotch.

Hotch looked at you. “He’s close to cracking. Act like he’d be doing you a huge favor by confessing, like you’d be in his debt. He wants to feel powerful, important. Convince him he can be.”

Catering to a man’s ego was a skill you’d fine-tuned after years of studying under, working with, and existing alongside them. Most men you’d had to flatter didn’t inspire quite so much disgust, however.

Just pretend he’s another idiot at a bar.

You straightened your cardigan and nodded. “I’m ready.”

“Remember,” Hotch said, “we’re right here. If you get too uncomfortable, just leave. This is a lot to ask of you so early in your position; I won’t blame you if it doesn’t go to plan.”

You nodded again and tried your best to smile. “Gotta learn sometime though, right?”

Morgan held out his fist to bump, and you obliged. “That’s my girl,” he said. “Go get ‘em, tiger.”

Hotch looked much less enthusiastic, but opened and held the door for you anyways. You took a deep breath and entered, plastering what you hoped was a convincing smile on your face. Matthews looked up, surprised, and returned your smile. He looked so normal in that moment, it was hard for you to reconcile that this was the same man who stalked, raped, and murdered three women and led authorities on a purposeless goose chase to divert suspicion.

Taking a seat directly across the table from him, you introduced yourself. “I’m the new intern at the BAU. I asked my boss if I could come talk to you. I just don’t feel like they really understood you, ya know?” You grinned, hoping the flattery would stick.

It appeared to, as Matthews leaned forward and spoke in a hushed voice, as if he was confiding in you. “I know how guys like that are. They think they’re the shit. Women always fall for that, though.” He looked at you intensely, and you started to realize very quickly why his victims had found him unsettling. “You don’t fall for that, right? That alpha male stuff?”

You forced out a laugh. “No, I prefer more sensitive guys. Ones that you can have a conversation with.”

“Are we having a conversation?”

“Wh-what? I’m sorry?”

“Are we having a conversation?” he repeated, still holding intense eye contact.

“Well, yes, I would say so,” you replied. “On that note, um, I wanted to be honest with you. It would really mean a lot to me if the families of -” you paused, choosing your words carefully, “- the three girls we’ve been talking to you about could get closure.”

“How do you mean?” asked Matthews, leaning back and crossing his arms.

“I just mean, they don’t know what happened to them, you know? And if we could tell them that whatever happened to them, it was a misunderstanding, and the person who did it feels bad, I think that would help a lot.”

Matthews’ beady, swollen eye twitched at that. “Feels bad?”

Oh, fuck.

“Sorry, I don’t know if bad is the right word, just that they didn’t want that to happen. For them to die.”

He paused. Seemed to make a decision.

"Who said I didn't want them to die?"

You had misjudged him - in that moment, you knew that. You had assumed the fatal ends to the encounters with his victims were born out of shame. That he felt remorse. That he didn’t want to mutilate and discard their bodies, and that the purposeful distractions from his true psychological profile had been a desperate attempt of an unintelligent man to throw the police off his trail. He was a creep, he was a stalker, he was obsessive and dangerous, and he was unintelligent. But he was also a sadist.

Realizing how pathetically unprepared you were to deal with this new diagnosis, you pushed back from the table and moved to stand - slowly, like you were trying to avoid startling a wild animal. Trying. But it all happened so fast.

Matthews shot up from his seat the instant you did - uncuffed, because he wasn’t supposed to be a threat, not like this - and grabbed you by the neck, dragging you across the table, scraping your legs against the hard metal edges. You screamed for help (really just screamed Hotch’s name over and over) until he had you too tight and you couldn’t anymore. Your hair was in your face, obscuring your vision, but you heard the door crash open seconds after he moved. He wrenched you closer to him, trapping you in the crook of one elbow, cutting off your breathing. More than cutting off your breathing, he was squeezing, much harder than he needed to simply choke you, and amidst the haze of your hair in your face and the blood rushing in your ears and the muffled sounds of Hotch and Morgan yelling, you had the wild thought that he might actually detach your head from your shoulders.

They can’t shoot, you thought, your last clear notion before your mind started to go fuzzy. He had you too close; the space was too small. A loud crash, presumably the table being launched against a wall, cut through the pounding in your head. You felt a sharp jerk - Matthews trying to move away - a sickening, dull crack, and the vice holding your throat was released. You dropped forward onto your hands and knees, hacking desperately, tears streaming onto the ground.

Morgan grabbed you by the shoulders and sat you up. “You ok? Hey, look at me, you ok? Can you breathe? Breathe for me, ok, come on.”

Coughing out a raspy, “Yes,” you pushed your hair out of your eyes and wiped your sleeve through the snot and mascara streaking your face. You looked to your left, trying to see what happened to Matthews, and nearly stopped breathing again.

He was dead, collapsed into a pile on the floor like sodden laundry. There was no blood, no apparent evidence of what happened, until you looked to his head and saw how grossly contorted his neck was. You looked up at Hotch in shock, who was standing over the body, hair askew, breathing heavily.

He broke his fucking neck.

Morgan could’ve done it, of course, but by the way Hotch looked up and met your eyes, you knew that wasn’t the case.

They gathered you up and wrapped you in a jacket. You saw paramedics almost immediately who cleared you medically (“No permanent tracheal damage, just expect bruising and soreness.”), met with internal investigators who questioned you about the incident, spoke to the rest of the team on a video call, spent 20 minutes on the phone with Garcia trying to reassure her between coughing fits that you were all alright, and finally, you were cleared to leave. The whole time, though, you were paying less and less attention to what was going on around you and more time thinking about the way Hotch looked when you looked him in the face.

You knew he had to have killed before; working this job for as long as he did made that a certainty. What you didn’t expect to see on his face was a complete lack of remorse. Disgust, even. He looked down at Matthews like he was scum, his lip curled and his jaw set. It was only when you made eye contact that you saw the slightest bit of emotion, of panic, before they whisked you away.

Morgan interrupted your cyclical musing. “You need someone to stay with you?”

Right, he was dropping you off at your hotel room.

“No, thank you Morgan,” you whispered, throat feeling more raw by the minute. “I’ll be okay.”

Morgan looked unconvinced but refrained from debating you. “Alright, but you know to call if you need anything, right?”

You nodded and managed a small smile. “Thank you.”

____________

Later that day, you took a commercial flight back, alone. Morgan and Hotch were staying for a few more days to finish closing the case, but they insisted you go home and rest. You were too drained to argue.

When you closed your eyes to sleep that night, in your own apartment, you expected to see Matthews, jeering at you from across the table. You expected to feel his arms wrap around your throat, to smell his stench, to wake up in a cold sweat thinking he was standing over you, ready to attack you again.

None of those things happened. In fact, when you closed your eyes, Matthews wasn’t the man you saw at all.

[dragonrajafanfiction]

Tokyo Tower (Part 4) Herzog, Bondarev, MC

It took me a while to figure out what angle I was going to go with this. I hope you enjoy it!

In the Tokyo port area, not far from the coast, the sound of the midnight tide can be faintly heard. The iron tower stands in the rainstorm, a stark and bony giant, silently supporting the sky.

Tokyo Tower.

This tower was once the high point of Tokyo, but now it has been replaced by the taller Tokyo Sky Tree. But looking up from directly below, one can still be amazed at its majesty. The jagged steel supports are more like the skeleton of a giant than a living giant.

"Ukyo, Ukyo, Ruri calling, report your position." Ruri Kazama's voice came over your headset.

"Arriving at the first floor of the underground garage. It's a little strange how quiet it is." Chu Zihang replied.

 "After the Tokyo Sky Tree was built, this place has been forgotten. Who would come to the former tallest tower when you can climb the actual tallest tower to see Tokyo?" Ruri Kazama said, "That's why the King will choose this place for the meet up.”

His voice grows faint. “In the past, it was a Tokyo landmark. It appeared in various manga and movies. Couples saw climbing Tokyo Tower together as a romantic affair, and those who fell out of love came here to commit suicide. This place symbolizes the prosperity and loneliness of Tokyo. In ‘Tokyo Babylon’, there is a dead soul wandering in Tokyo Tower, and she says, "I hate Tokyo, so gorgeous on the outside, but so dirty on the inside.’"

"You don't seem to like Tokyo that much, do you?" Caesar said.

"Not only do I dislike it, I actually want to burn the city down. It's a sad city, like a colorful cage."

Lu Mingfei, next to you, gives you a searching look. “You like this guy?” He whispered.

The two of you were in your sniping positions on a building far from the tower. Your job was not to snipe Masamune Tachibana or Dr. Herzog -- aka King General -- but to control the perimeter to avoid their escape. You’d prepared yourself with rain proof gear and warm underclothes. You’d even brought snacks and a small thermos of tea to drink while you waited. You lay on a small pad to comfort yourself against the hard asphalt roof. It was almost like a camping trip.

To answer Mingfei’s question, you answer the comms. “It’s funny you say that, Ruri. I imagined one morning tilting the whole city into the sea.” You giggle. 

Mingfei’s face twisted in sheer disbelief.

"Sorry to disturb the lovebirds’ very romantic conversation, but I'm wet and cold here in the void and also lonely. That is, needless to say, you guys' warm and blossoming words are driving me nuts!" Fingel's indignant voice came out of the headset, "Will you please shut up?"

 "From my point of view, you are completely invisible, hidden really well. What is your position?" Lu Mingfei asked.

"The northwest side of the tower, about 60 meters from the special lookout. Do you want me to say hello and yell at you a few times? That way you can remember that there is a poor man like me shivering in the wind and rain!" Fingel said viciously "I mean, is this balloon really reliable?"

"It's a dirigible." Lu Mingfei corrected.

He put down his sniper rifle and lifted his binoculars to look at the sky. Following Fingel's instructions, he did see the huge black object suspended in the rainstorm, like a giant whale suspended in the restless sea. It was so close to the color of the sky that it was almost indistinguishable. But poor Fingel was handing underneath it by a rope in the rain.

“That’s a really cool idea, Mingfei. How did you come up with it?” You ask.

“Oh… I got inspired one day.” He lowered the binoculars and looked down at you. “What do you have there?”

“Chocolate chip cookies. Do you want one?” You held up a cookie the size of your hand and Mingfei’s eyes brightened!

Fingel moaned loudly and you grin.

"We have reached the second floor of the underground garage. There’s a problem." Chu Zihang said, "The rainstorm has been going on too long. The area is flooded. The water depth is half a meter. Caesar and I had to wade deep into the garage to find the pipe opening."

You can hear them splashing around and, leaning close to Mingfei’s ear, you whisper. “I think I picked the right job.”

"Basara! Ukyou! Quiet! Unidentified vehicles are approaching Tokyo Tower!" Ruri Kazama's voice came over the headset.

You quickly grab a cookie in your mouth and munch on it while watching through your rifle scope.  A silver vintage Mercedes Benz drove through the rain-swept streets, kicking up a huge wake. It pulled into the basement level parking garage near where Caesar and Chu Zihang were. From there, there was an elevator that would take him directly up to the Tokyo Tower’s observation deck. Sure enough, a few seconds later, the high-speed elevator zoomed smoothly up the tower.

"It's Tachibana Masamune, who surprisingly arrived an hour early and drove himself here." Ruri Kazama whispered.

 "He sounds like a very young man from the sound of his footsteps." Caesar said.

"To be sure, I can see him clearly from here. He has reached the main observation deck and is looking out the window. You are right, he is in a strange state tonight, like a young man. Like the Major Bondarev of old."

“Wow…” You breathe in amazement. “It’s really him.” 

Even though he's far away and standing next to a window that’s running with rain, you recognize his upright and proud posture. You were an older orphan, a well trained soldier. He was always jolly and excited, with a disarming personality, a roguishly handsome face and well muscled body. Everyone was excited when Bondarev arrived.

Even now, you can hear Khorkina’s excited squealing echoing from the underworld. “It's Mr. Bondarev! He’s here!”

He always came with the Lenin. For you, he was like Santa Claus. But he was way hotter. Mr. Bondarev was like Santa the young women in the orphanage dreamed of marrying. Tonight, instead of a kimono, Bondarev wore the black trench coat of the Executive Board, with an open lapel revealing a white shirt with a colorful lining.

“Why are you smiling? This guy killed your friends!” Mingfei hissed.

“I know.” You whisper back. “But I haven’t seen this guy in forever and … this is amazing. He hasn’t changed at all.”

Bondarev fished out his cell phone and dialed. He started speaking in Japanese. “Mingfei, what is he saying?”

“He’s talking to Chisei. They’re talking about Erii. She’s okay.” Mingfei replies. 

“That’s a relief. She was really sad but I comforted her. Don’t worry. She’ll wait for you.” You smile up at Mingfei but Mingfei doesn’t return it. You’re puzzled for a moment but then you shrug. “Don’t feel guilty about leaving her at the Hydras. You did the right thing. You’ll have another chance to go get her. Just don’t keep her waiting too long!”

The lights suddenly went out.

Tokyo tower suddenly turned into a lifeless ruin. Masamune's trench coat was shaking and snapping in a wind that blew in as emergency doors had opened on the observation deck. He showed no fear. His whole body looked like a taut longbow.

"Basara to Ruri! The power suddenly went out in the underground garage!" Caesar lowered his voice, "All the gates are closed!"

“Ruri here, not only is the power out at Tokyo Tower, but the surrounding blocks have gone dark, and the power supply to the entire district has been interrupted."

Ruri Kazama added, "But the lights of the stairs are on."

In the darkness, the iron staircase around Tokyo Tower was lit up. LED lights were installed underneath the staircase, and each step emitted a glowing white light, as if it were a path to heaven.

"After all these years, we're still in the habit of arriving early." A voice with a smile echoed around the tower. That voice came out of the Tokyo Tower's PA system, and there was no need for any listening device. Everyone could hear it clearly.

 "That's the voice of The King General!" Lu Mingfei whispered.

“I know, stupid. I can hear it myself!” A jolt of shock echoed through your entire body. The voice reverberated like a bell, in a pure and recognizable Russian language with an accent native only to Northern Siberia. You hadn’t heard anyone speak your language for weeks and the familiarity by which your mind responded to the words sent sparks of pleasure through your mind.

It wasn’t just the voice of the King General. It was the voice of Dr. Herzog. The Herzog you grew up with, the one who raised you up. His voice echoed through the halls. It encouraged you. Praised you. Spoke your name. For you to hear it through the PA system on your naked ears, unfiltered by your headset… your heart responds as though he were speaking directly to you.

 "Of course, it's always the first one to arrive who takes the first position. How can people like you and I allow each other to take the first position?" Bondarev looked around, "I'm late this time, what have you prepared waiting for me?"

“MC translation please…” Caesar grumbled.

“They’re not saying anything important.” You shake your head.

“Translation please….” Caesar’s voice echoed a bit warningly.

“Yes, sir.”

 You speak in English for all to understand. "What else could it be? Of course it's authentic Red Label vodka and cold ice shipped from distant Siberia. Isn't that what friendship between men should be like? The liquor that burns the veins and the ice that never melts." Through the earpiece, you can hear the sound of vodka pouring straight from the bottle and the clinking of ice cubes. It was like he was sitting right next to you in the dark winter cabins of the north.

You can’t help yourself but smile. You knew this man. Were you not the only one frozen in the ice sea from twenty years ago? This is exactly a scene from your past being played out in real time! 

 "Why don't you walk faster? We have not seen each other for more than twenty years. You’ve gotten old. The world does not have much time for old people. We should seize every minute."

Your voice falls into the same tone and cadence of the King’s manner of speaking. You can’t see either of them now, but you can imagine him holding the glass up. He was probably going to toast to something. He always did.

"How can you not enjoy the overture before the official movement begins? Do you still listen to Tchaikovsky's 'Swan Lake'?" You are translating but it sparked a memory. “That’s right. Dr. Herzog loved Swan Lake. That’s why the port was called Black Swan Bay.”

  "The favorite thing to listen to now is his Sixth Symphony, the swan song he wrote for himself." Your heart sinks when you hear this and translate. After you finish translating you say. “Herzog is dying.”

“How can you tell?” Caesar asked.

“Tchaikovsky's 6th symphony was the last one he ever wrote. After he performed it he died a few days later.” You answer.

“You seem to understand each other’s words very well. I wouldn’t have picked up on that…” Caesar commented.

You don’t answer him. The night before you had already discussed this with him. Even though you had learned a lot from Caesar and had adopted a few of his philosophies, you were still fundamentally the daughter that Herzog raised. It seemed like he still had a hard time accepting that.

"You look a bit ridiculous nowadays, Major Bondarev." 

 "You look a bit scary today, however, Dr. Herzog."

"Do you want to analyze the ingredients before you drink it?"

“You’re not going to poison me.”

 "Shouldn't we share a toast?" 

You huffed. “I knew he was going to do that.’

 "To what? To the once glorious Soviet Union?" You can scarcely hold your laughter. These guys were exactly as you remembered him. It was almost like a scene from a movie you’d watched dozens of times.

You sigh, once again falling into Herzog’s way of speaking, gesturing with the glass like he always did. "There is no need to raise a glass to it. It is dead. Let’s celebrate that we have all survived, that those who survive are the strong, and that the strong raise their glasses to each other."

Your hand pauses in the air with its invisible glass.

“Ah. So is that why we have a third glass here?” Bondarev said.

“You also have seen the girl?” Herzog said. 

You’re so shocked that you forget to translate. You spin so fast, Lu Mingfei jumps out of his skin. You press your eye to the scope. But you can’t really see them any more.

Bondarev is speaking now. “Yes, I have to say, I struggled to keep my composure. Looking at her was like looking at a ghost. When did you see her?”

“I didn’t personally see her. It was reported back to me.” Herzog said.

Caesar’s voice. “MC!”

“Sorry!” You gasp. “They’re talking about me! They’re… they’re raising their glasses… to me. To the … only girl who made it out of Black Swan Bay to study.” Your voice fades and becomes choked with emotion. But not for your dead friends. You felt sad for the little girl you used to be who looked up to Herzog. Herzog was a loving and caring personality that little girl had wanted desperately to please. She had worked hard to the end for his smile of approval. But the whole time, he knew she was going to die.

Tonight, he was forced to give that smile of approval. Despite his plans, you did make it. You steel yourself again against the tragedy, not allowing yourself to cry or even feel sad for long. “Yeah. A toast to me, asshole, I’m going to shoot you in your head for my graduation party.” You snarl.

“I got worried there for a second.” Caesar said. 

“I’m fine. They’re just sweeping the area for bugs now. But they won’t find any.”

 Herzog and Bondarev each took off their outerwear and threw it on the ground, pulling up the sleeves of their shirts, moving neatly as if to admire themselves in the mirror.

"What is the meaning of this? Do old friends meet to strip naked and hug?" Fingel monitored every movement in the special observation deck.

 "No, except for the outer clothing, their clothes are very close fitting, which means they can't hide bulky weapons under their clothes, such as guns. Rolling up their sleeves is a sign that they don't have throwing knives hidden on their wrists, which are no less deadly than bullets at that distance." Ruri Kazama said, "It's a way for spies to show the other side that they are 'clean'."

"What classic old spies!" Fingel exclaimed.

You chuckle. “Right out of James Bond. Oh, they’re talking now. I don’t quite understand what it means. Bondarev is asking Herzog if he wants to ascend to the throne of the world. And he says that Dragons can live over a thousand years and be reborn through… cocooning? What does it mean?”

Chu Zihang responded. “Dragon Kings, when they hatch, create an alchemical device called an ‘egg’. Through a special process, if they get mortally wounded, they can put themselves in this ‘egg’ device and regenerate. So long as they can make their egg, and protect it, they will never die.”

You nod. “It sounds like Herzog wants to evolve into a dragon. Turn into a dragon. He says that’s the only way he knows that he is really existing, is if he’s at the very top of the food chain. If nothing else can eat him then he is truly alive. The rest of the world is just food.”

A soft moan interrupts your listening and translation work. Lu Mingfei is wincing and sighing with his eyes tightly shut. His hand is against his forehead. “Mingfei! Are you alright?” 

He doesn’t answer immediately. He doesn’t even seem to hear you at all. You shake his shoulders. “Mingfei! Are you using a Soul Skill? Is this sequelae?” You try to look into his eyes but they’re closed! “Mingfei!”

Mingfei’s whole body gave a tremendous shiver. Even though the rain was cold, he was sweating. 

You kneel next to him. “It’s okay. I’m here. Are you sick?”

“MC, for the last time, I don’t need you to worry about Mingfei’s panic attacks, I need you to translate!”

“I’m … I’m sorry! Bondarev’s saying. ‘What makes a child whose life is as fragile as a broken candle catch your attention, Doctor?’”

 “Herzog is saying that only one out of 100,000 humans exposed to dragon blood will survive. That he is 1 in 100,000. But also, Bondarev’s daughter is 1 in 100,000! He’s talking about Erii!”

"He says that the power of any evolutionary drug can only end up creating deadpool. The real evolution drug is an alchemical drug and the core ingredient is the blood of ancient dragons, especially the fetal blood of the White King. By obtaining that fetal blood, they have the opportunity to create the perfect evolutionary drug." Your voice rises in panic.

“They’re going to use it on Erii! They’re going to turn Erii into a dragon!”

[ghstandpucks]

Cutting Edge ~ Nathan MacKinnon Ch. 4

Hey everyone! I hope you are all doing well and having a nice Friday! Thank you so much for all your kind, supportive words! I’m so glad you are liking this series! Disclaimer for this chapter: I’m sorry if you like Ashley Wagner as a figure skater. To be honest she bothers me which is why I picked her for a little conflict that may or may not happen during the season lol 

Anyways, enjoy and let me know what you think! Also, let me know if you would like to be tagged in the upcoming chapters! Thanks!

Prologue  Ch. 1 Ch. 2 Ch. 3

“Nope. Try again,” you said as Andre tripped over his feet and missed the net. It was Monday morning at practice and you had just shown your group the three-turn move that Nate suggested you teach them. Andre groaned and looked over at you.

           “What is the point of this?” he asked.

           “The point is to be more fluid. You guys do this already, you just need to follow through with it and not be choppy,” you responded.

           “Maybe we are choppy because we have to keep the puck with us,” Andre grumbled and tried again, still not entirely succeeding. To be fair, not many had been successful that morning.

“You guys just need to keep your momentum,” you tried to explain. They looked at you like you were crazy. You quickly skated over to the side and grabbed a stick, becoming exasperated that they seemed not to believe you that it would work. Taking one of the pucks, you quickly did the move and shot the puck straight into the net. You turned back to your group and laughed at their dumbstruck faces. Honestly, you were even shocked that you made, but you couldn’t show them that. “So that’s how you do it. Any questions?” They all shook their heads no. “Okay then, line up,” you said, deciding to keep the stick with you. Though it still seemed foreign to you, you felt more comfortable with it. As the group you had started to get it, you smiled and looked down the ice to find Nate already looking at you. He was at center ice in another group, and when you grabbed the hockey stick a few of the players and coaches stopped to see what you were doing. He didn’t bother to look away when you met his gaze, but instead nodded at you with an impressed face. You shrugged and laughed, turning your attention back to your group.  

           The groups rotated about 30 minutes later, and Nate skated right up to your side. “Look who’s becoming a hockey player,” he teased you quietly. You giggled and elbowed him.

           “I told you it wasn’t that hard,” you said, adding “and you owe me two laps.” Nate looked at you unimpressed.

           “Are you serious?” he asked.

           “Can’t have people thinking I’m a pushover, right?” you laughed. Nate rolled his eyes, but smiled at you as he took off.

~ ~ ~

           The following day you stayed after practice, seeing as the team had Wednesday off. You were in the middle of your billman spin when you caught the outline of a blurred figure every rotation you made. You finished the spin, letting go of your right leg and checking out. Glancing toward the side, you found Nate standing there. He smiled as you skated over to him, shifting his weight from one foot to another slightly. That’s when you realized he had his skates on. “Mind if I join you?” Nate asked. You shook your head and smiled up at him.

           “You aren’t mad at me for making you skate laps?” you joked. He chuckled as he stepped out onto the ice.

           “Completely. Those two laps were the worst thing I had to do yesterday,” he answered with a wink. You laughed and skated around the perimeter of the rink with him. The two of you spent about two more hours on the ice, talking and doing different things, but always ending up back next to each other. You sat next to Nate on a bench off the ice to take your skates off while continuing your conversation. “So how did you get into skating? In Canada hockey is huge. I can’t imagine it’s the same in Southern California,” Nate asked after he had told you how he started playing hockey, and you smiled.

           “So I was actually a dancer when I was younger. My parents put me in ballet when I was about 2 in a half because I was that hyper child that needed something to do,” Nate chuckled at that. “Anyways, I had an older cousin who was taking skating lessons and had her like 10th birthday party at the rink. I was 4 and one of my other older cousins offered to skate with me. And I fell in love the second I stepped onto the ice. I asked my parents after the party if I could start skating and they signed me up for classes. And you should know as of last week with Z that I am a competitive, stubborn little shit of a person so I jumped at the idea of having a coach and competing. And I never looked back. The rink is my happy place, it’s where I feel most myself, and everything that has come along with it is just a perk,” You smiled, drying off your blades and putting your soakers on them.

           “Oh yes, an Olympic gold medal is just a perk,” Nate dead panned, but you could see he had a smirk on his face.  

           “I mean I worked hard for it. But it never felt like work because I love to skate,” you replied simply. Nate smiled softly at you, and you thought you would never get used to the way it made your stomach flutter.

           “That is beautiful Coach,” he teased you, and you knocked your shoulder into his arm. He laughed as you barely even moved him, more just bounced off of him. “I’m being serious Y/N. Obviously you are an amazing skater, and we are lucky to have you.” Nate said sincerely. You looked away as you started to blush.

           “Well you aren’t so bad yourself mister,” you tried to joke back to cover up how much his words were actually affecting you. Nate chuckled and shook his head.

           “I just try my best. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough, but I try,” he admitted.

           “But that’s all you can do, try. And you have a whole team behind you to support you,” you said, feeling that he was just like you; extremely tough on himself. “Plus, from what I’ve seen you’re a pretty good skater,” you smiled as he met your eyes after putting his skates away.

           “Only pretty good?” he teased, and you laughed.

           “Well there’s always room for improvement,” you said, teasing him back. Nate let out a chuckle and followed you out of the rink, walking with you over to your jeep.  

           “So, we have tomorrow off…” Nate started, rubbing the back of his neck. You smiled and nodded, encouraging him to continue. Nate wanted to just ask you out, but he wasn’t positive where you stood. You were nice to him, but you were nice to everyone. He decided to go with what he had already offered before to be safe. “Do you still need to get a bookshelf?” As he asked, you couldn’t help as your smile became brighter at the thought of hanging out with him away from the rink again.

           “I do actually. I was planning on doing that tomorrow,” you hoped you weren’t blushing too much, but Nate could see it and it only gave him more confidence.

           “I can come over around noon. We could get some lunch then get your book case,” he suggested, trying to gauge your reaction. You smiled shyly, knowing your blush had to be evident at this point. Nate thought it looked adorable. Here you were, this Olympic gold medalist becoming shy when he was asking you to hang out.

           “That would be great, as long as you don’t mind helping me,” you said. Nate beamed at you.

           “Not at all.” You smiled back at him and said your goodbyes with the promise of seeing each other tomorrow. You drove home, nervous and excited for being able to hang out with him more one on one.

           The next morning you woke up and busied yourself trying to clean up a bit. Not that you were messy, but you needed to move some boxes out of the way to make space for your book shelf. Getting dressed in some simple jeans and a black tank with a long, velvet deep yellow cardigan over it, you were just putting on your converse when Nate showed up at your door. You insisted on driving, sure that you would buy more than just a bookshelf and didn’t want to cram it all into his car. Nate directed you to a cute sandwich shop downtown for lunch, and the two of you talked the whole time about everything and anything. It felt so natural to be around him; the two of got along very well. Both of you being extremely competitive athletes, you also understood each other on a different level. Getting through lunch relatively unnoticed, Nate was amused when you were the one approached for a picture and not him. He couldn’t help but smile at the way you talked to the young girl and encouraged her to keep working on a jump she said she was having a problem with. After lunch, you and Nate went to Target and picked out a simple bookshelf. You also grabbed a few more things you could not leave the store without and Nate pushed the cart along, teasing you when you couldn’t pass up buying a few new books as well. Traveling from competition to competition always provided reading time, so you figured road trips with the team would provide the same.

           Once back at your apartment Nate took over constructing the book shelf while you unloaded your boxes for it. The day carried on with playful banter and you could feel your crush growing even stronger. Nate was feeling the same. It was nice for him to be around someone who didn’t seem to care that he was a professional hockey player. He felt that he could really be himself around you. Between the laughing, lunch, shopping, and setting up, it was 7pm before you even knew it. “Do you want some pizza?” you asked him as you placed a candle on one of the shelves.  

           “Don’t tell my coaches,” he winked and you laughed.

           “Never,” you said, asking him what a good pizza place to order from would be. “I’ll order a veggie one. That will make it a healthy meal.” Nate laughed and offered to pay, but you insisted being that he spent his whole day helping you, plus bought lunch. When the pizza arrived, you made your plates and sat at the table. “Do you ever miss being home with your family?” you asked after he told you all about them.

           “I do yeah. I love them and being able to spend time with them. But I’ve made Denver my home also and this team is like family. I’m happy being here with them,” Nate answered sincerely.

           “I think it’s really great you guys all have each other. I’ve never been much of a team player so I’ve never experienced that kind of bond,” you admitted.

           “You have to have friends through skating though, right?” he asked.

           “Yes and no,” you shrugged. Nate gave you a questioning look. “Girls are mean.” Nate broke out laughing. You laughed too and continued. “Once you get to a certain level, like you support one another but if someone your competing against falls you don’t feel bad. And I know that sounds horrible, but when there are only usually 3 spots on the Olympic team every four years, and the competitive span of a female figure skater is only like six years at senior level depending on how fast you learn, it’s a super competitive atmosphere. You tend to become better friends with people you won’t compete against. So like for me, my best friend is Jeremy Abbott. He’s kind of like an older brother to me. And I’m close to a few ice dancers. But any female single skater friend either tends to have gone through the ranks before you, or you start mentoring someone younger as they hop onto the circuit and you phase out. I think I’m better friends with girls I have competed against now that none of us are competing anymore. That’s just kind of how it goes,” you tried your best not to make it sound like you were a horrible person. Nate nodded thoughtfully, then grinned at you.

           “Does this mean you have an arch enemy that we all have to look out for?” You couldn’t help but laugh at his question.

           “Unfortunately, kind of. Playing the Stars should be interesting this year.”

           “Playing the Stars is interesting every year,” Nate muttered. “Who is it?” he asked curiously.

           “Don’t say anything ok. I have a reputation to uphold. I can’t be talking bad about another skater in this program,” you pleaded. “Plus the press already thinks we don’t like each other. I don’t need to be the one to add fire to that flame.”

           “Yeah I’d rather not talk to the press so your secret is safe with me Y/N,” Nate said, leaning in closer as to convey confidence.

           “Her name is Ashley Wagner. She was annoyed that in my first competition I bet her and knocked her off the podium completely. And every competition since I had beat her,” you explained and Nate nodded along. “Also, if you meet her, don’t let her fool you. She seems nice, but she’s not that great. She purposefully tripped me during warm ups once. That’s when all the rumors started flying around.” Nate looked at you surprised.

           “You didn’t do anything back to her?”

           “No,” you laughed lightly. “That’s not what you do in my sport. I kept smiling and brushed it off best I could.”

           “Alright. So we’ll have to protect you around her. You’re too nice,” Nate grinned at you. You smiled back and cleared both of your plates as you had finished eating.

           “Shut up. She’s a coach too. It should be fine…I hope.” Nate shrugged at your reply, taking a seat on the coach and making himself comfortable.

           “I don’t know. Hockey might just bring out the worst in both of you.”

           “Gee, thanks Nate. Glad to know you’d have my back if it came to blows,” you plopped down next to him. Not too close, but close enough the you could knock your knee into his. Curling your feet up on the couch, you both smiled lazily at each other.

           “Don’t worry Coach, I’ll be your back up. Tyson will probably be your hype-man,” Nate teased, reaching to shove your shoulder slightly. When his hand came down though, it rested slightly touching yours, and neither of you moved.

           “Sounds about right,” you tried to laugh your nerves off. Nate decided to take a leap, and placed his hand over yours. He smiled when he felt you intertwine your fingers with his. The both of you sat in comfortable silence for a minute. Nate was about to speak when your phone started to ring, ruining the moment.

           “I’m sorry,” you said, looking at your phone and seeing that it was Jeremy calling. You denied the call, but your screen just lit up again. “Speak of the devil. I can call him back later. I’m sure it’s not important.”

           “It’s fine. It’s getting late, and we have practice tomorrow so I should probably go,” Nate said, letting go of your hand and standing up. You were going to kill Jeremy.

           “Well thank you for coming over and helping me,” you said as you walked Nate over to the door.    

           “Anytime,” Nate responded, stopping just outside and turning back to you. “We should do it again sometime.”

           “Put together a book shelf?” you raised your eyebrow, hoping you weren’t over analyzing the moment the two of you just had. Nate chuckled and reached out for your hand again.

           “No. Lunch, dinner, this,” he squeezed your hand for emphasis. You blushed and nodded. “A book shelf if you really need another one,” Nate added, making you giggle.

           “That would be nice,” you responded. Nate grinned at you, and with one more squeeze of your hand he dropped it.

           “See you tomorrow Y/N,” he said, backing away from you.

           “Get home safely Nate,” you said, smiling at him till he turned around and walked down the hallway. You shut the door and locked up, walking back to the couch and the now 6 missed calls from your best friend. You called him back with a sigh. You didn’t give Jeremy a second to talk when he answered. “You better be dying to have called me this many times.”

           “Calm down, I just wanted to talk to you. Why weren’t you answering?” he laughed.

           “Nate was over. I think we were having a moment and you ruined it,” you complained.

           “Shit…sorry!” Jeremy responded. There was a pause, then he spoke again with excitement. “Now tell me all about it.” You laughed and launched into the story about your day, all the meanwhile looking forward for the season to begin, and to be able to see where things were headed with Nate.  

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