#next up on where the fuck is MY sharingan???

[dark-konohagakure2]

Pain punishing a disobedient member by making her a free use slave for the whole Akatsuki

tw: noncon, abuse of power, free use, gangbang, bondage, threats, biting, forced eye contact, abuse, size difference, monster cocks, double penetration, anal, bloodplay, degradation, photography, mommy kink, facesitting

All characters depicted are 18+

Pain isn't as domineering of a leader as people would think, despite being the head of a terrorist group, he allows his members to have a certain degree of freedom with how they pursue the organizations shared goals, but if there's one thing Pain won't allow, it's disobedience.

When a younger female member of the Akatsuki begins to show the telltale signs of a disobedience streak, Pain will snuff out the issue before it even arises, deciding to put the would-be dissenter to work, and what better work for a disobedient brat than long and hard labor?

Pain can easily overpower her even without using his Rinnegan, chaining her up with her arms above her head and her legs spread, all of her holes exposed to whoever would walk into the common room of the Akatsuki lair.

Pain is very blunt about his intentions, telling her all about how he's going to have her own comrades fuck the disobedience out of her, that's the small price that traitors to the Akatsuki have to pay after all.

"Now you're going to learn how to be a good girl. I'm leaving you here for our comrades to use as they see fit. Maybe this will teach you the importance of teamwork and obedience."

Deidara goes first, and being the youngest he has the most stamina, not to mention his sadistic streak. He'll threaten to blow her to smithereens with his art, and he'll use the mouths on his hands to bite when lick her all over. Sasori goes next, and he's just unnerving, showing no emotion and staring at her with unblinking eyes, his puppet body feeling very uncomfortable inside of her as he roughly penetrates her with it.

Itachi is almost as unnerving as Sasori, just without the cold wooden body. He stares too, but with his Sharingan active the entire time he's fucking her, he's oddly insistent on making eye contact the entire time, grabbing her face and even slapping her if she looks away from his intense gaze. Kisame is a very big and tall man, living up to his reputation as a complete monster. He practically smothers the poor girl with his large frame when he pounds both of his cocks into her, shoving one member into each of her holes and leaving her covered in bloody bite marks by the time he's done.

Hidan is unsurprisingly the worst of them all in terms of the amount of physical pain he'll inflict, he'll fuck her so hard that she bleeds while calling her every name in the book, laughing in her face whenever she cries and begs. Kakuzu is no where near as obnoxious as Hidan, but he's just as cruel, forcing his threads into her mouth to shut her up while he plows into her, taking photos of her helpless form on his camera so he can sell them to seedy old perverts later.

Konan isn't as cruel as the men, but she's just as domineering as them, sharply slapping the girl's pussy and telling her to be a good girl for mommy as she sits on the girl's helpless face. Tobi is surprisingly the scariest of them all, the usually childish man is now speaking in a terrifying and deep voice, acting the complete opposite of his usual self as he pounds into her roughly and without a hint of his usual goofiness.

Once the day is done and her sentence is served, Pain will come to unbind her, her body covered in cum, tears, and blood. Pain won't feel any remorse, only showing satisfaction at the fact that his unruly bitch is how housebroken.

"Have you learned your lesson? It certainly looks like you have. Now, let's go to my quarters, I'll give you your final lesson in obeying your leader."

He'll then take her to his room to have his own way with the defenseless Akatsuki member, he's her leader after all, her God, so it's only fair that he fucks her last, to truly assert his dominance and ownership over her used up body.

[oh-no-its-bird]

Similar fic idea to One Step Three Steps, but instead of some random Hatake brat being zapped into modern Konoha from the very early days of the village, it was actually the at the time Hatake Clan Head.

I'm gonna go with the Hatake family tree I tossed into Chasing Shadows for fun, meaning a) the clan head is named Haruka, and b) she's Sakumo's mother (thus Kakashi's grandmother) and Tobirama's aunt

She died very shortly after Tobirama (like a week tops) and the rest of her clan was wiped out pretty soon after her.

(Sakumo was raised by the only other survivor of the clan, an old grandma with poor memory who hadn't been in any state to fight, and who later passed away when Sakumo was still pretty young— so he learned very little about their clan and their traditions, and then passed on even less to Kakashi before he died)

I have literally nothing else for her other than the above, so I guess we'll figure out her character together as we go along

With that said, this is gonna be a long one, so buckle in for

✨️ The Hatake clan head time travels from early to modern Konoha ✨️

Immediately, there's just so much potential pretty much anywhere you drop her into the timeline.

Lets take her from the very first years of Konoha, where they're still lowkey building the village and Madara is still around (bc I love the drama of the time traveler respecting Madara only for the future people to be like "oooo... ok, so bad news actually— Also, you legally aren't allowed to talk good about him for military dictatorship reasons, sorry :(" )

And then we're gonna drop her into kid Kakashi era, with Sakumo still being alive

Right off the bat -> That's Sakumo's fucking mom!!!! Holy shit you guys!!! The last time she saw him he was like a literal infant she JUST recovered from birthing AND NOW HES A WHOLE MAN!!!!

Shes grabbing him by the cheeks squishing him to death, there may be baby talk involved (he's a grown man let him go oh my god??)

If she comes before his mission gone wrong, her presence prevents him from going on it (disaster averted,,, for now) He's currently in the running for most likely to become next Hokage and she's so disgustingly proud holy shit. Her baby!!! Hokage!!!

Maybe have some talk about how that'd make either 3 or 2 Hatake's in office depending on if you count Hashirama as a Hatake (Haruka does not) and how that's kind of bad, right? Only Haruka doesn't give a SHIT about that (politicians hate her and shed hate them too if she didn't enjoy making them suffer so much)

"But Haruka, as clan head aren't you a politician too by default?"

"Haha yeah!! Isn't that awful? (For all of them)"

If she comes AFTER the dreaded mission gone wrong, Haruka is all about backing up his decision (the Hatake are a clan who emphasize loyalty like no other, which is also part of why they took to Konoha's mentality so well)

Shes telling Sakumo he did the right thing and fuck literally everyone who says otherwise. Trust your momma Sakumo, she knows best

Her being there averts Sakumo's death— either bc she manages to keep him going, or bc she interrupts him mid suicide

(I can see Sakumo trying to go through with it specifically bc he thinks at least Kakashi has Haruka now once he's gone)

Also oh my god SAKUMO YOU HAD A BABY??? SHE HAS A GRANDBABY???? AWWW CMERE LITTLE GUY LET GRANDMA GIVE YOU A SMOOCH— OHHH SAKUMO LOOK AT HOW HE STABBED ME OHH WHAT A GOOD BOY, WHAT A CUTE BABY BOY!! CMERE BABY— OHH SAKUMO LOOK HES BITING ME AWWW THATS SO CUTE!! WHOS A GOOD GRANDBABY?? WHOS A GOOD GRANDBABY?? (said like she's talking to a fucking dog)

Kakashi kind of hates her.

There's like a whole big bit about the Hatake clan bloodline limit, which is sort of general wolfy stuff, enhanced senses, some extra strength, etc. And my all-time favorite take, adaptation ✨️

Their white chakra is super flexible, able to adapt and change to fit pretty much any situation —or even other bloodline limits. (Which is why Kakashi not only survived the sharingan implant but came to arguably master it)

Anyways -> other than the white chakra (which neither Sakumo or Kakashi know the details of other than it's their family chakra and its,, white. Exciting, I know), their bloodline limit seems to have borderline dissapeared with Kakashi and Sakumo, due to basically them not knowing how to feed into it / activley supressing it to conform to polite society (unaware that certain impulses aren't actually just intrusive thoughts but actual instinct trying to get them to do things necessary to feed into and reawakened their bloodline limit)

Kakashi actually shows more hints of still having it bc of his age, while Sakumo is very well practiced in accidentally supressing it to conform with general society.

So obviously, Haruka is like "hey guys!! What the actual fuck is this!!" and immediatley (borderline desperatley) trying to get them back to her perceived normal

She's actually REALLY fucked up about all this. Her own son!! Her own grandbaby!! And they don't even eat enough MEAT!!!! This is an actual nightmare, this is like basic baby stuff all the Hatake's should know and she's getting nothing but blank looks and vuagley ashamed guilty stares from Sakumo as she asks if he even takes Kakashi on hunts (he didn't even know that was a thing he should be doing.)

Don't even get her started when she learns Sakumo isn't acting as clan head on the Konoha clan council, holy shit. The Hatake might be a clan of 2 now but they were among the first clans to come to Konoha— she doesn't give a shit how many of them are left, if the number is more than 1 then there better be a fucking representative of theirs on that goddamn council

Funny bit where Kakashi tries to bite someone and Sakumo is telling him to stop bc jesus christ child can you behave for 5 seconds oh god he's so sorry— and Haruka is like, why are you telling him to stop??? This is enrichment for him :)) if there's no blood it's fine, that's the official clan policy for dealing with kids

Haruka... isn't actually a very good choice to leave as your babysitter. If nothing is on fire and no one is dead she considers herself successful.

Sakumo will learn this. In time.

Mmmm bad ending where Sakumo goes through with the suicide. Could be very fun and fucked up n dramatic.

Kakashi doesn't find his father's body first bc Haruka does— or maybe he does but Haruka walks in right behind him and forces him to close his eyes before he can actually see the body.

Fun scene where Haruka is physically wrestling Kakashi away from his father's body, a hand over his eyes as he screams and claws at her, demanding that she let go and let him see his dad.

Can't she smell the blood!? Tou-san is hurt, he needs help! What are you doing!!? Let him go!! Tou-san, Tou-san, where are you? Why aren't you answering?!

He bites her hand in his struggles, so deep that it later scars (just another reminder of the day, oh boy !!)

Haruka getting hit by the fucking brick of reality, straight in the face. She got to meet her son, the only survivor of their clan from her era, just in time for him to die <3

The fic then takes a HARD turn from the silly fluffy fun times of Haruka goofing around telling people to suck her dick if they have a problem with her (which a lot of people definitely do)

-> Right into shinobi politics, political schemes and sabotaged missions and buried clan history galore territory. Haruka isn't ab to take this lying down and everyone's about to get their first look at a grieving Hatake mother in her prime who just lost her baby to the shinobi rumor mill

Before she was kind of keeping to herself just having fun in the clan compound, not reeeally getting involved with any politics or village shit, bc like, she's playing with her family!! This is like her vacation till the time travel is solved and she goes back home!!

But she's not doing that anymore.

Sakumo is gone and Haruka is more than willing to take the seat he chose to leave empty at the clan council. She's about to become EVERYONES problem.

In the bg, Kakashi VIOLENTLY swings between fucking hating Haruka ("You should have stopped him! You should have been there! You should have helped!") to being like, physically unable to be unatached from her (she's waking up in the middle of the night to find him suddenly burrowed into her blankets, holding on to her like he's scared she'll dissapear when he wakes up)

Small soft scene where he's sleeping on top of her and quietly whispers that he's sorry for biting her.

Haruka possibly tries to have Kakashi temporarily drop his training but it's a very hard battle to fight. Both bc Kakashi wants to fight and bc Konoha wants him to fight

Uhh first big scary Haruka politics scene when she puts her foot down and says something along the lines of, "are you telling me here and now that my word as Hatake clan head is not enough to stop Konoha from taking away my child?" And Sarutobi kind of has to back down bc that does NOT fly well with the other clans

Obito and Rin swing by and try to pry at why Kakashi can't fight and she just fucking stares at them and goes, "He's 6."

She goes home and puts her head in her fucking hands. She was promised Konoha was to keep the kids SAFE, that's the entire fucking reason the Hatake agreed to join!!! This is not safe Tobirama, you bitch!!!!! If they send out Kakashi to die, shes going to find your fucking ghost and grind your face into Kakashi's grave!!!!

Anyways, time for my favorite part: politics

Haruka is coming from the early days of Konoha, where the only reason the Hatake even joined the village was, "because my cute little nephew (Tobirama) asked us real nice"

In her mind, she and her clan are still allowed to back the fuck up out of the village whenever she so chooses. She likes it in Konoha, yeah, but they're still free reign nomads and while she'd like to stay and have her clan flourish (which they didn't exactly do and she can literally SEE the way the village destroyed them from the inside out) she and her clan retain the right to leave whenever they want. And if they do leave, other than losing the new friends, it won't exactly be hard on them to get back to the nomad life.

All of that is to say that Sarutobi isn't her Hokage and while she'll be nice and respectful bc she recognizes the position (and her position) when push comes to shove, there's literally nothing they can hold on her to make her bend or break.

Also the last time she saw Sarutobi he was one of her nephews little brat tag-alongs, and she's so fucking bad at treating people their age, doubly so if she knew them as a kid.

It's,,, kind of demeaning actually, she should stop. (She will not.)

Anyways: play into her not just being Tobirama's aunt but also Hashirama's (her sister was their mother) which becomes fun bc Kakashi is her fucking grandkid!! Meaning he's also their fucking cousin!! Politics!! Implications!!!

At least one person is making a "of fucking course the boy genius is related to one of them" joke but like in an angry way (it's probably Obito)

Anyways I started this off with basically nothing for Haruka other than her name and I think she accidentally turned into a real character along the way (inevitable tbh)

Shes a DEEPLY flawed person actually, which I kind of love. She has a habit of belittling people and not treating them their age (absoloutley calls everyone even slightly younger than her 'kid')

Her views of childcare are totally skewed and she should not be trusted with any children other than Kakashi (it's ok he's literally built different, she can provide proper enrichment for him)

Edit: I DIDNT FUCKING MEAN TO POST THIS YET IM GONNA KILL MYSELF I WAS STILL QRITING IM GONNA END IT ALL TUMBLR I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

Shes so fucking full of herself and about to make it EVERYONES problem

[oxydiane]

sns is so fucking unhinged and nobody will ever be them i’m sorry. you start the series and it’s like oh haha look at these goofy angsty rivals! they hate each other! then sasuke dies for naruto thirty chapters in giving up his dream of revenge and naruto goes batshit insane. now you’re like ah they’re friends i guess that’s cute! and sasuke is trying to kill naruto because he’s the most important person in his life which is . ok and it becomes the driving force of everything or something. sasuke leaves and naruto dedicates the rest of his life to bringing him back and you’re still a casual fan so ur like he’s doing it for the promise right? then orochimaru says sasuke is his and naruto goes batshit insane feral homicidal (again) and after that sasuke reappears and they have ??? like five different panels dedicated to them staring at each other??? and he jumps off a mountain and hugs naruto for some reasons just to whisper some gay shit in his ear kishimoto frankly needs to be jailed drawing this and keep that best friend nonsense going. anyways. you have sasuke become a convicted terrorist to which the normal people response is “ok we need to hunt him down” and when naruto learns they’re gonna hunt him down he starts screaming crying throwing up he has a panic attack he can’t breathe he’s falling in the snow he gets on his knees and begs them to spare his BFF. after having a meltdown over the thought of sasuke dying what may possibly be the natural coping mechanism any stable person would adapt? of course realising that if sasuke dies he can die too. so he sees sasuke again and after he attempts murdering sakura twice and expresses the intent to murder kakashi he’s like. i will bear the burden of your hatred and die with you hehe and if we both die you won’t be an uchiha and i won’t be the jinchuuriki to the nine tails and we’ll be able to understand each other better in a different lifetime! WE’LL MEET AGAIN IN THE AFTERLIFE BECAUSE NOT EVEN DEATH CAN DO US PART! and sasuke (just as insane as him) doesn’t even flinch he’s like what the fuck is wrong with you but then ok let’s fuckingggf die together on my god i will kill your first anyways . then they find out they are soulmates and get cute matching tattoos on their hands and decide to fight to the death once more because sasuke is back on his i will shoulder all the hatred of the world alone and i need to kill you because i love you more than anyone else in the world actually you’re the only person i love so you need to DIE and naruto is like I WILL NOT LET YOU SHOULDER THAT HATRED ALONE I WILL FREE YOU FROM THE PAIN and they fight and despite all the whatever weapons used in the war it’s a fuckinggg fistfight in which just as sasuke is about to inflict what he thinks is the last blow says “farewell… my one and only…………………. (very long pause to accentuate how heteronormative this next word is gonna be) FRIEND” and fucking stops using his sharingan because not even then he can record the image of naruto dying especially by his hand but naruto STOPS HIM LIKE A f cHAMP and they end up blowing each other’s arms off (rip the matchies) and as they’re bleeding to the fucking death sasuke is like you’re the only person that has never tried to severe their ties with me why do you go so far for me and naruto from the depths of comphet hell is like because you’re my FRIEND and sasuke being absolutely done with this bullshit is like ok what the fuck does that mean to you then and this is where it gets even gayer and relatable because naruto is like i don’t KNOW i just know that when you hurt i hurt and i just can’t take it and isn’t that the most gay experience thing ever? naruto knows what it feels like to have friends but what he feels for sasuke is so bone deep and unconventional that he cannot make sense of it and can only describe the pain it brings. after that sasuke CRIES LIKE THEYVE GOT ME SOOO FUCKED UP but you know what got me even more fucked up?

naruto waking up bloodied and battered and half alive with one arm missing but still wondering if that was heaven because sasuke was next to him. sasuke looking so happy and peaceful when saying “i lost” as a stark contrast to him looking and feeling like half of his body was being torn apart when he “won” against naruto in vote1 and left him. the bitterness of victory vs the sweetness of losing if you will. AND HIM COMPARING WHAT HE FEELS FOR NARUTO TO PRAYING MY GODD. did i forget to mention that then we learn that Ohhh it was never a stupid shallow rivalry as we all thought! they have actually been watching each other from afar since they were little freshly traumatised children and have longed to hold each other’s hands since then! what was it sasukeeee you felt warm and fuzzy when you saw naruto to thought of it as a weakness? these two are so astronomically hopelessly desperately obsessed in love with each other it’s ridiculous i’ve had ENOUGH free me from this mental prison

[arabella0001]

Pushing his buttons, Part 1

Pairing: Sasuke Uchiha x Reader Anime: Naruto Synopsis: you like him but you dont wanna admit, he is an asshole

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

This is the first i wrote so be gentle pls (eng not my first language)

minimum 2 parts, smut in next part!

Warnings: slow burn, teasing, rough doggy, all characters are of age/aged up, dirty talk, angry sasuke, oral (female and male receiving), missionary

You see a young man with spiky black hair and dark eyes, wearing a white long-sleeved shirt, dark blue pants, and a purple rope belt. He has a sword strapped to his back. A red-and-white fan symbol adorns the back of his shirt, indicating his clan affiliation. He is Sasuke Uchiha, one of the last survivors of the Uchiha clan, a powerful ninja family that was massacred by his older brother, Itachi.

“You're in my way.” he says with disdain and impatience as he pushes you aside.

“Asshole” stumbled back from his push.

“Watch your mouth.” Sasuke retorts. He has little patience and tolerance for people who defy him or insult him. He has been through a lot and has little respect for anyone who doesn’t acknowledge his strength and power. Sasuke notices your eye roll and gets even more annoyed.

“Do you have a problem with me?” He asks with a sharp tone, his Sharingan eye glaring at you.

“Chill, I don’t, i just don’t tolerate de assholes like you” you replied.

 “And I can’t tolerate disrespectful brats like you. You should show some respect to your betters.” Sasuke’s eye twitches with irritation.

“ Sure, asshole.” chuckling and bowing sarcastically. “I’m too weak to even speak to you”

Sasuke clenches his fist angrily. “You know what? I’ve had enough of your attitude.” He steps closer to you and glares down at you with his Sharingan. “I’m going to teach you a lesson you won’t forget.” he takes a step closer to you.

“The last past minutes you were very impatient to go somewhere. Where is your rush now?” you replied while looking at him grining.

Sasuke’s eye twitches with irritation again. “Don’t change the subject. You’re the one who’s being disrespectful and annoying. You’re making me lose valuable time that I could be using to be closer to my goal.”

You roll your eyes chuckling at him before speaking “I was just barking back because your arrogant push. You were the disrespectful one. I guess you are not used to people speaking back at your shitty behaviour. Sorry i m not a fangirl of you.” even though I like you.

Sasuke scoffs at your words but before he had a chance to reply “So fuck off and next time dont push me around cause I will not tolerate” smirking at him. “Good luck at your goal” speaking genuine.

Sasuke looks at you with disbelief and irritation. “I don’t need your permission to do anything, nor your support. You’re just a weakling who’s standing in my way.”

 “Whatever” you roll your eyes while giving him a dismissive wave of your  hand, a slighty blush on your face when you turn your back to him.

Sasuke watches you walk away with irritation and frustration.“Hmph, just don’t get in my way again.” He mutters to himself before continuing his journey.

After continuing his journey from some time, he can’t shake off the encounter with you. He keeps thinking about your bold attitude and defiant glare. He couldn’t believe there was someone who wasn’t afraid of him or didn’t admire him. Normally, people either respected his power and status or feared him. But you were being disrespectful, challenging, and irritating. The same can be said about you too, you were going right back home, remembering the last encounter with Sasuke. You were a bit flusttered, because to be honest, you were attracted to him long ago and stealing glances. But he don’t need to know that, at least you are making him angry. You continue with your mundane daily life, training and whatnot, unaware that you’re still on Sasuke’s mind.*

Sasuke keeps thinking about you and feeling more and more irritated. He doesn’t like the fact that you don’t fear him. He’s convinced you have some kind of death wish or you’re just plain stupid. He can’t understand why you aren’t intimidated by him.Sasuke, still irritated and curious, decides to track you down again. Before sunrise, usually you go traing in your spot in the forest, not so far from the leaf village. He follows your lingering scent and finds you training in a secluded spot in the forest. He stays hidden and observes you from a distance, curious about your training technique and skill level. You try to remember something from your training at Mount Myoboku, entering Sage Mode, by gathering natural energy, enhancing your physical abilities, sensory perception, and chakra,

Sasuke watches you training with curiosity and a hint of respect. “Hmph, not bad,” He thinks to himself, impressed by your focus and determination. He still feels annoyed by your earlier encounter, but he can’t deny that you have talent and potential.

Suddenly I was feeling a chakra around me and start looking around.”Who s here?”

Sasuke hesitates for a moment, contemplating whether to reveal himself or keep hiding. Curiosity wins over caution and he decides to show himself, stepping out from behind the tree. He gives you a cool, unimpressed look. “It’s just me.”

“Oh hello the strongest Uchiha. What are you doing here?”mocking him, a surprised expression on your face.

Sasuke rolls his eyes at your mocking tone. “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m watching you train.” He crosses his arms and glares at you. “And I’m not the strongest Uchiha just yet.”

“I think i like to push your buttons. Your annoying face is the best.” chuckling to yourself. “If you dont mind, i need to continue untill sun is down” you start stretching yourself, feeling a bit flusttered because of his presence and because you were just in some shorts and your tshirt plain.

Sasuke watches you stretch and notices the flush on your face. “Hmph, I don’t see why you would enjoy pushing my buttons. It’s just asking for trouble.” He tries to hide his own reaction to your appearance. He hadn’t expected you to look so effortlessly attractive and looking so natural and alive, which somehow annoyed him even more.

“Well i love a little trouble. It makes you feel alive. And i dont feel alive often” continuing my stretching while trying to remain calm under his gaze.

He looks at you more thoroughly and can’t help but notice how you’re controlling your chakra so effortlessly. He feels a twinge of jealousy, realizing that your skill level is far higher than he anticipated.

“Did you find something on your journey?” a small smirk showing on your face,  remebering your intense first interaction with him.

Sasuke clenches his fist, reminded of his failed attempt to gather intel about someone. “Don’t bring it up. It’s none of your business, anyway.” Sasuke responds coldly, crossing his arms defensively. He doesn’t like being reminded of his failures, especially by someone who has the nerve to challenge and mock him.

“Just making conversation. I dont know really know things about you, maybe just rumours of your admirers” amusament in you rvoice.

Sasuke’s eye twitches at your comment about his admirers. “Hmph, you believe “ everything you hear? He says, although secretly he feels a bit flattered. His reputation as a powerful shinobi spreads like wildfire, and it’s not rare for women to fall for his charisma and strength.

“I didnt say i believe it. I believe something when i saw that myself.” You replied back, while trying ignoring his presence.

Sasuke tilts his head, intrigued by your response. “Oh, so you prefer to rely on personal experience rather than just rumors? I respect that. But you should know, I’m worth all the hype.” He says arrogantly, trying to hide the smallest hint of a smirk on his lips.

“Maybe you do”chuckling to him “But this atittude of yours doesnt help” with a smirk on you face, you replied back. Continuing your exercises, you are trying to be confident in your moves and body because you don’t really care anymore about others opinion, you know you looked good and that’s enough. “But is him” telling to yourself.”Oh shut up”groaning internally.

Sasuke watches you stretching and exercising, his gaze lingering on your body for a moment before he catches himself. He feels a mix of admiration and annoyance because he knows you’re not doing it for his attention. “Hmph, are you trying to impress me with your skills or just showing off your body?” He teases, raising an eyebrow.

“Dont flatter yourself. Is not my fault you were watching me, stalker” blushing slighty at his words while turning around, trying to play cool.

Sasuke snickers at your reaction, noticing the faint blush on your cheeks. He can’t believe you’re actually embarrassed. “I wasn’t stalking you. I was just watching you train. You’re the one who’s showing off in front of me.” He responds with a smug grin, his eyes still trailing your body and making you more flustered.

“Oh get over yourself. You can look in other direction if I’m in your way” you replied back smirking because you made him remember the first words he said to you, an annoying glare on his face.

Sasuke’s eye twitches again at your reference but didn’t say anything about that. “I can look wherever and at whoever I want,” *Sasuke retorts, trying to hide the fact that your words have managed to irk him. He watches as you continue to move effortlessly, the jealousy building up within him.*

“Do you want a little show? a chuckle escaped you while returning to the training area. “So what are you gonna do here? Your gonna train with me or go?’ you speak to him again, a look of determination on your face.

Sasuke’s face turns slightly pink at your meaning, but he composes himself quickly. He glares at you trying to mask his own curiosity. “I won’t train with you. I don’t need to prove anything to you.” He takes a deep breath and looks at you, debating if he should just leave or stay to watch.

“Then let me train and go on your business, loser.” a small chuckle is leaving your lips, you feel a little bit flusttered by his presence, you don’t wanna be watched by him

Sasuke scoffs at your words. He wants to argue, but he knows there’s no point in staying here with you any longer.  “Tch, fine. I won’t stay any longer. Just don’t get yourself into trouble.” he says, glancing at you one more time before turning and walking away.

“Yeah yeah.Byee’ you replied softly while trying to remain calm, turning around with a blush on your face.

Sasuke hears your softer tone and feels a pang of something he can’t quite identify. He pauses for a moment, but then decides to ignore it and walks away. He keeps thinking about your stubborn and annoying attitude, and he finds himself confused by how attractive he finds it.

Wattpad link

[ladykissingfish]

*Deidara goes into Kisame’s room*

Deidara: Hey, so, I don’t know if you need to know this, hm, but … Uchiha is doin’ that thing in the kitchen again.

Kisame: *sighs* This late? How many eggs has he gone through?

Deidara: I saw three empty cartons on the table, so at least thirty-six so far. The plates are spread all over the counters and floor. Hidan tried to take one and Itachi stabbed his hand with a fork because the eggs weren’t “perfect”, hm.

Kisame: *gets up* Alright, I’ll handle it. Thanks for letting me know.

*Kisame goes down the hall and slowly walks into the kitchen, where Itachi is mumbling to himself while looming over the frying pan*

Kisame: ‘Tachi. It’s almost midnight; how about you come lay down? Mm?

Itachi, not turning around: Can’t. Not done yet.

Kisame: Darling, you’re done. You’ve made many, many plates of eggs and toast. They all look delicious. So let’s —

Itachi, whirling around with the sharingan activated in his exhausted face: “Delicious” ISN’T perfect, Kisame! Go, leave me.

Kisame, softly: My angel. The eggs are perfect, because you’re making them. *gently encloses his large hand over Itachi’s small one, while turning off the stove with the other* Come to bed with me, huh?

Itachi: *sighs as his eyes return to normal; his body involuntarily sags* Alright …

*Kisame feels Itachi’s waning strength and bends down, lifting him off his feet*

Itachi, holding on to Kisame’s shoulders, tiredly: Need to practice more. Sasuke … Sasuke likes eggs. If I ever see him again, the eggs need to be — to be — *drifts off to sleep*

Kisame: *gently tucks Itachi into bed and stands staring down at him for a long time, before leaving*

*the next morning*

Itachi, wandering sleepily into the kitchen: Kisa? Are you in here? Where did you —

*Itachi stops and his jaw drops open. Sitting around the table is a tall orange-haired man, a smaller white-haired teenager, a girl with glasses and long red hair, and — *

Itachi: S-Sasuke??

Sasuke: It’s me. This guy — *jerks his thumb at Kisame* Found me and spent all night talking to me. About you. And he said you and I would have a great deal more to talk about, over breakfast.

Suigetsu: Not to be rude but are we getting the food soon or what? Kisame-sama promised me a duel for Samehada if I convinced Sasuke to come, and I can’t fight on an empty stomach.

Karin: *rolls her eyes* Why not? You do just fine with an empty head, don’t you?

Suigetsu: Listen, witch —!

Juugo: Quiet, you two. You’re being rude to our hosts.

Itachi, trembling: R-right. Breakfast. L-let me just make you all some eggs and — *opens the refrigerator door to find he’d used all the eggs last night* Shit …

*At that moment Tobi comes in with several bags*

Tobi: Good news, guys, Tobi got some more eggs, and some bacon and sausages and —

Tobi, looking up, in Obito voice: What the FUCK is going on here?!

[aaronieros]

fuck it. short tumblr fic because there's no way i finish this during The Laddening. this is the madatobi tsukuyomi idea i have been ruminating on. warning for implied/referenced past necrophilia and questionable consent due to genjustu hatesex but this is just a conceptual preamble and not actual smut anyway. cannot stress enough that they do not fuck in this it's just that they're about to

It's a mistake, looking up at Madara from the ground. Reanimated, his body is immortal, and the different pattern of Madara's eye doesn't set off Tobirama's instinct to avoid the Sharingan. That may be why he lets his guard down, why he looks up from where he's pinned to lock eyes with Madara one last time.

That, or it's an old habit resurfacing. As soon as his eyes graze across Madara's, there's a sudden freedom to his body, and the noise of the ongoing war has been quieted. Madara hasn't bothered to change the scenery otherwise, but Tobirama knows where he is.

He stands, waits for Madara to state his purpose, because he surely can't have brought Tobirama here for the same reason he always used to? Not now, not while the whole fucking world is ending at his hands?

"I know what you did to my body," Madara casually tells him as he approaches.

Tobirama has to admit he never thought he'd be confronted for that, particularly by Madara himself. How, exactly, does he even know?

"You just couldn't resist letting your hands wander, linger, once you could finally touch me for real. I was only a little put off when I found out. There was something triumphant in the implicit confession that you would have instigated after all, if not for your pride."

"If not for who you are," Tobirama corrects. "Dead, you were quite agreeable. No mood swings, no Sharingan. No danger."

"Please. As if the Sharingan didn't singlehandedly allow our secret little trysts. As if the danger didn't turn you on."

There's little point in lying to Madara within his Tsukuyomi. For all that he's done, he has managed to keep his initial word that whatever occurs in this world remains confined to it, never to be mentioned in the real world.

"If it didn't, I would have killed you for trying, that first time," Tobirama tells him.

"As if it's a given that you would be able to. As if the only thing keeping me alive was your mercy."

It was the opposite, he knows. From the first time Madara caught him in Tsukuyomi, claiming he only wanted to have a private discussion-- one that spiraled and spiraled and spiraled until Madara was touching him and Tobirama couldn't think anymore-- his life should have been forfeit.

A snap of Madara's fingers sees Tobirama's armor removed, but he likes slipping his hands under Tobirama's clothes too much to bare him completely. Tobirama never understood it. He never understood why Madara even started this, nor why he kept coming back for more. The simple triumph of leaving Tobirama a sweaty mess, impossibly hard and unsatisfied within those few mere seconds that pass in the real world?

He has no decency, this man. Madara once blinked Tobirama into Tsukuyomi out in public, choosing to represent the real world, bystanders and all, within the dream world. He had them all witness, had them all react, as he fucked Tobirama in front of the whole village, and all Tobirama could do was try in vain to hide how much he enjoyed that extra effect, lest he encourage Madara to try something so obscene for real next time.

But why even do this? He knows Madara holds no fondness for him, knows he alone bears the majority of Madara's hatred. It could be a release of frustration, but it isn't even real. It's essentially just a shared fantasy, one Tobirama feels all too intimately.

"We have eight hours in this world," Madara pivots, ready to begin. "I'll be using all of them to the fullest."

It's definitely some form of psychological torture. It's about humiliation, domination. It's the fact that he got Tobirama to agree to this so many damn times. Madara must take so much pleasure in watching Tobirama submit to the power of his eyes.

"I think I'll make you come a hundred times," Madara muses with a brush of his hand down Tobirama's abdomen, but the claim gives Tobirama pause even as he instinctually shivers.

"In eight hours?" he questions, gears turning in the wrong direction entirely for this predicament.

"Don't criticize my math at a time like this," Madara scolds him.

"Not only would that be terribly unpleasant, but you won't manage it."

Madara's eyes narrow, taking Tobirama's logic as a challenge.

"Have you forgotten that I make the rules in this world?" he asks, and then his hand slides up Tobirama's shirt, splaying on his abs. His skin is oversensitized, Madara's touch hot and electric. If it managed to feel like this the whole time...

Well, it's the last time they'll ever do this. Tobirama could indulge, since he's already here.

(He's thought the same thing a dozen times in the past.)

[scribomaniac]

From One Moment to the Next

Sakura’s lungs burned as her chest heaved with the exertion of a hard won fight. Scattered about the forest floor lay the dead bodies of their assailants. There were dozens of them. Men and women alike, all wearing hitai-ates with the symbol of Grass carved into it. Placing her hands on her hips, Sakura took a deep breath and looked over at Sasuke. 

Her teammate looked whole and hale, but still, it was best to ask and be sure. “Any injuries?” 

Raising his brow, Sasuke gave her a droll look. 

Huffing out a laugh, Sakura raised her hands. “Just checking.” Then, with a teasing twist to her grin, she added, “Can’t have Itachi’s precious little brother getting hurt. He’d never forgive me.”

Sasuke snorted. “You’re so annoying.” Rolling his eyes and turning to face her fully, he said, “If I had known how obnoxious the two of you would be once you started dating I never would have allowed it.”

This time it was Sakura’s turn to snort. “As if you could’ve stopped it. Besides,” Sakura said with a dramatic flip of her hair, “we’re not dating anymore. We’re engaged.”

Sasuke’s eye twitched. “I can’t believe you’re going to be my sister.”

“Could be worse,” Sakura said with a laugh. “Could be Naruto.”

Turning green, Sasuke shook his head to banish the thought from his mind. “Come on. We need to meet back up with the idiot and Kakashi.”

Sakura grunted, wondering what shape Kakashi’s eye might be in. He’d had back to back solo missions, disrupting their regular healing sessions. She hoped he hadn’t used his Sharingan too much in the meantime. He shouldn’t have had to today–these Grass ninja were no match for Team Seven–but Kakashi wasn’t exactly known for making the best decisions when it came to his physical health. So long as he didn’t die, that was good enough for him. 

And Sasuke called Naruto the moron. 

Movement just behind Sasuke’s shoulder caught her eye. Before she could register what she was seeing–a bloodied but still very much alive Grass shinobi with a weapon aimed at her teammate’s back–Sakura pushed Sasuke out of the way. 

Haruno Sakura, the muscle of Team Seven. All brute strength but no speed. 

The weapon pierced just below her sternum, the force of the throw pushing her backwards and pinning her against a tree. No shout nor scream escaped her lips. Only a shuddering, whisper of a gasp could be heard. Sakura wasn’t sure what to call the weapon. A javelin? A lance? A pointed stick thicker than her forearms put together? Whatever it was was making it very hard for her to breathe. 

A lung had been pierced. No matter how she gasped or tried to suck in a breath, she felt smothered. Several ribs were broken, obviously. As sweat poured down her brow and neck, Sakura brought her shaky hands up to claw at the piece of wood sticking out of her chest. 

It wasn’t moving. Why wasn’t it moving?

She couldn’t focus. Her chakra felt weak, sluggish, as if it was something far out of her reach. Hands feeling like lead, she tried again and again to break the object without success. Her forehead burned where her Byakugou Seal fought to be released. Sakura couldn’t let that happen yet though. Not until she got this damn piece of wood out of her fucking chest. Her body wouldn’t be able to heal with it in the way. It’d be a waste of cell division. 

A cough ripped its way from Sakura’s throat, followed immediately by a river of blood and spit. Darkness encroached around the edges of her vision and she could no longer feel her fingers. Panic set in, making Sakura feel like a wild animal caught in a trap. Panic was the enemy in trauma situations. It made people lose their heads and rationality. It claimed just as many lives as kunai. If she wasn’t careful, it would cost Sakura hers. 

Think. She needed to think! She needed this weapon removed. She couldn’t rely on her own strength to do it, so what else was there? 

“Sakura!”

Sasuke. Sasuke! Sakura could laugh with relief. She tried, too, but all that escaped her lips was a gurgle of more blood. 

“Sakura–shit. Why aren’t you healing? What do you need?”

Was he kidding? He had to be kidding. Could he not see the foreign object protruding from her chest cavity? 

“Okay, it’s–it’s going to be okay,” he said, more to himself than her. He stared at her forehead with wide, red eyes. The tomoe of his Sharingan spun wildly as he waited for the surge of chakra to be released from her seal. His brows furrowed when he saw nothing. “Why–”

“Sakura! Bastard!” Naruto shouted as he flashed into their clearing like a streak of orange. “What’s the hold up? I want to get home for some ram–oh, shit, Sakura!” He appeared at her side and asked, “What happened?”

Sasuke smacked the back of his head. “What do you think happened, idiot? That’s not the problem.”

“Yeah!” Naruto nodded frantically. “Come on, Sakura, why don’t you fix yourself up?”

If she lived through this, she was going to kill them. 

The darkness within her vision grew. She didn’t have much time left. Sakura tried to take in some breath, tried to tell them what she needed, but all she could muster up was a wheeze. 

“Move.” A new voice said, taking control of the situation. Sakura’s eyes fluttered open–when had they closed?–to see three fuzzy-looking Kakashi’s before her. “We need to remove the lance, and quick. Her seal can’t do anything if she’s dead.”

Thank the gods for Kakashi, Sakura thought. If she survived, she’d buy him all the porny books he liked. 

Everything had turned dark. There was a beating, sluggish and loud, reverberating again and again in her ears. The beating felt precious. Final. But her mind was dizzy with exhaustion, and she couldn’t recall why that was important. 

Sakura had once heard that as a person lay dying, they saw their life flash before their eyes. Instead of seeing the faces of her parents though, or scenes from her days at the Academy, time spent with her friends, training with Tsunade, all Sakura saw was Itachi. Itachi, drinking tea on the engawa as the sun rose over the horizon. Itachi, bringing her into wakefulness with soft kisses along her neck. Itachi, quietly walking beside Sakura on her way to the market, or the hospital, or to wherever else, just to spend a few extra moments with her. 

The beating stopped. 

The pain went away. 

Sakura’s eyes drifted shut.

[jonas-ct]

Finally making a summary of my naruto AU (mostly repeating what I said to a friend when it was still just barely a concept lol)

(please don't mind any mistype, i barely reread myself)

So, just a little backstory on the why: I was playing a naruto game (naruto x boruto ninja voltage, rip, it was a peak game, no joke, all the anime games I play end up terminating the next year, I might be cursed)

And in it you can have teams of 4 ninjas and my main team (really just the team with my best ninjas) was composed of:

(old screenshot)

And i thought it was hilarious (my first thought was smt like "lol Boruto is having the weirdest day of his life")

Now, I had started by designing Rin, and i hadn't even decided when in time they would all get sent to, so I told myself that they would probably need to be undercover, and to avoid any suspicion because of her face marks i decided that she would wear a kakashi-style mask and that she would pose as a guy (and Boruto would pose as a girl, i should have realised I'd end up making the kids trans, but i am an idiot so i didn't)

Now, for the name changes (that they use to be undercover, except Rin who uses it as his new name as a boy): they came after i decided for them to get transported to a time barely before Rin's canon death

Rinne: mainly for rebirth, reincarnation, I thought it was a very dramatic name for a trans person and was very close to "Rin" in pronounciation, then i realised it was already used in canon for the rinnegan and said fuck it i'm keeping it anyway

Boruto: no name change, that's mainly because I didn't feel the need to give her a new name, but also because I believe that even after transitioning she would like to have an attachment to the life she lost when time traveling and decided to make her keep her birth name, I'm also a sucker for trans characters who keep their birth name.

Tobi: I had no inspiration ngl, he already has a perfect alias like i like them to be, close to his old name without being too on the nose

Mada: I messed up and made it too on the nose, but i had to somehow change his name because no matter the time period, being called Madara Uchiha will make heads turn, (exact words i said to my friend: "because of the fact that Madara is kind of the ultimate villain name to give your kid in the narutoverse post his first death")

Rough explanation of the horribly thought timeline now (please keep in mind the designs i gave them are supposed to be from a few months after the time displacement):

I haven't thought of a reason why they got time displaced, because I am extremely lazy

Tobi and Mada were displaced a bit before the kids, being both aware of Zetsu's plan Tobi didn't too much of a hard time to force Mada to fix the stuff he messed up in preparation for his eye moon plan, they decide that they'll start by not letting Rin die and killing the Madara and Zetsu of that timeline

They split up: Tobi is in charge of killing the supervillains, Mada is in charge of making sure Kakashi doesn't kill Rin and that Obito isn't conscious in case he fails

So he puts young Obito under a genjutsu, kill the white zetsu around him, carry him on his back and continue in team minato's direction, but when Rin's death is very close to happening, he feel Isobu's chakra at another place, so he hesitates and Kakashi successfully (if we want to call that a success) kills Rin, Mada opts to kill their enemy nins so that at least Kakashi is vaguely safe and then turns around to go tame the tame beast (I decided that if one eye of a pair awakens mangekyou then both eyes do cuz it's easier that way for me idc)

When he arrives he does not see Isobu but Rin (Rinne) in a full on rampage, with a panicked blonde kid (Boruto) running away from her, he chooses to force the beast into submission thanks to his super awesome sharingans and bring the three kids with him to the cave where Tobi destroyed Madara and Zetsu, well he brings Obito and Rinne but Boruto tags along because she's really confused as to where she is

In the cave, Tobi fixes up the seal on Rinne as well as he can(bro saw a lot of seals when he was actively killing jinchurikis, so he's on temporary seal fixing duty)

Tobi, Mada, Rinne and Boruto manage to figure out they're all time-displaced (or more like dimension-displaced but whatever), thanks to Tobi intelligently asking Boruto if she's a fucked up Naruto and her telling him that no, her dad is fucked up Naruto

When young Obito wakes up, Tobi and Mada decide to just make things up so that they have a cover story that young Obito, the yapper that he is, will spread for them:

-Tobi and Mada are traveling nin, they are cousins who didn't grow up in Konoha because they were born from the encounters between beautiful civilian women and handsome Uchihas on a mission far from home

-Boruto is Tobi's student, she doesn't have her family anymore

-They were on their way to Konoha to ask for a place in the village when they saw Kakashi stab Rin with his chidori, recognising the Konoha symbol on their forehead protectors they and decided to help them

-Kakashi passed out, they killed the enemy nins, healed Rin like they could (Kakashi's chidori "barely missed her heart") and tried to fix her seal

-Sensing more shinobis arriving they decided to leave with Rin because "they panicked"

-They found Obito passed out on their way to a cave to be safe for the night and took him too

-Obito woke up once already and shared Madara's mad plan with them all but he doesn't remember and they're not surprised because "he looked out of it and if they hadn't fought Madara and Zetsu when arriving at the cave then they would have thought he was making things up"

-Tobi and Mada then decided to fix what Madara did already and that they would come back to Konoha once they had done all they needed

Coming back to the truth, Tobi decides that it should be better for Obito to have someone help him get used to his alien-hashirama-plant limbs, and tracks down Tsunade and manages to get her to help Obito with the promise of no blood even being seen

My exact words: "Then they went to fix Madara's problems and came back later with Rinne and Boruto having started their transitions", I can't be bothered to think about how they fixed stuff up so yeah lol, timeskip on my side, now they look like the designs i shared

(to note: Rinne loses in chakra control because of the added tailed beast chakra, he kind of loses his mind because he can't be a great healer like he dreamed of and Mada ends up kinda feeling bad since it's technically his fault and teaches up insane taijutsu

Young Obito becomes the healer of team minato because Tsunade was going insane at his lack of medical knowlegde)

They get Tsunade to agree to come back to Konoha, for Obito, and also so that they go from "potential threat" to "people who helped save a young konoha shinobi who was thought dead", when Rinne gets recognised as Rin from team minato, they get bumped up to "people who helped save two young konoha shinobis who were thought dead"

Because I'm a sucker for "nothing ever goes wrong and everybody is happy" stories, they all (not Mada, because he doesn't want to) get integrated into the Konoha ranks, first as chunin because i play favourites, and Tobi takes the jonin test very quickly and takes over as team minato's new replacement leader (because Minato is very busy being hokage now and having a pregnant Kushina at home)

Boruto becomes somewhat friends with Kushina, helping her with her pregnancy, because she remembers some tricks from when she was young and her mother was expecting her sister

Mada ends up taking Rinne and Kakashi under his wing and, my exact words:

"he did such a better job at being a parental figure to Kakashi than he did to Tobi that Tobi makes him regret it by constantly being an ass"

"I loved the idea of young Kakashi seeing a man with tied down grey hair and mistaking him for his dead dad and apologising very badly and Mada just turning towards Tobi and being like 'Im gonna adopt this kid' and Tobi having flashbacks from when he was the same age and he had to live in a cave with Madara, and he was litteraly the worst parental figure on earth so he goes 'No you won't' and Mada still does cuz nobody can stop mada"

I haven't added anything to the main story of this au, I still have some silly little scenes I want to badly draw so I didn't include them here, but they don't add anything very interesting they're mainly just passing thoughts

Anyway, here's two drawings that aren't part of my au's story but that are set in similar universe, if that makes sense? (i don't think ive posted them already)

( the second one happened when i got bored and wanted to try to draw in a shojo style)

[evilkitten3]

naruto volumes i own rated by how much sasuke is in them

vol 37 - he's mentioned by naruto a couple times. shows up in the preview for the next volume. 0/10 where is he

vol 45 - we open with sasuke! couple pages of naruto, one of some unimportant kumo nin (and jay. dw bby ur important to me) watching sasuke, then it's back to sasuke thinking about all the teams he's been on. cut to naruto for some light reading (books with jiraiya: this time, it's NOT porn!), then back to sasuke. then we cut to a flashback but it's still of sasuke (and some masked guy who's mostly just there for sasuke to angst at (i know who tobi is before anyone @s me). now we jump to the raikage lifting a weight for. some reason, naruto gets a few more pages, and then sasuke returns, bringing with him the panels that got animated and eventually became the Is Nothing Easy meme. cut to jay for half a second before sasuke shows up and kills his lizard (also presumably jay. rip in pieces my guy you will not be forgotten). zetsu and totally-madara-why-would-you-even-ask-get-off-my-dick chat for a panel, and then we get a bit more raikage followed by team samui (i think this is their introduction??? idk i love these three tho). naruto does some more stuff, the cloud nin find jay, and i haven't seen sasuke in nearly 20 pages wtf. the tragic lack of sasuke continues, with the only tagentially sasuke-related thing being the revelation that nobody bothered to change the locks after itachi (officially) went rogue. finally we hit something more direct but it's still just kisame noting that killer bee pulled a fast one on him, followed by killer bee saying that sasuke (or, "that sharingan dude" is probably the toughest opponent he's ever faced (rip to the three other people who were also there i don't think he noticed), and that's the last we see of him. 7/10 strong start but we got offtrack

vol 50 - this time he's in the first panel!!!! and seems to be getting his ass kicked. lots of things are on fire. we have a bit of sasuke vs the raikage until gaara shows up and saves. honestly probably both of them (the other sand sibs are also there), and the raikage hacks his own arm off bc it happens to be one of the many things that are currently on fire. gaara projects on sasuke a lot, his siblings point out that he's kinda wasting his time (temari is the only one with a good argument here ngl), and sasuke doesn't really care about gaara's problems. we get a bit of danzou and some other people who are in the same room as him, and then it's back to sasuke vs the sand sibs (+ darui and sasori's corpse) but susano'o no sells all of them which i gotta say must feel really awkward bc this is three jounin and a kage against a guy who never made it past genin. sasuke gloats a bit bc he's earned it and then sets about destroying some shit having seemingly decided "fuck this building and everyone in it" (karin not included) but somehow no named characters die. there's some more sasuke-less panels and then we finally get everybody's favorite upside down sasuke! he and danzou glare at each other for a bit before some guy (mifune? i think???? idk) attacks him and accomplishes nothing. danzou fucks off and sasuke has to get through the mist nin now. the mizukage hits on him but unfortunately her name is neither Revenge nor Naruto so sasuke isn't interested. for some reason choujuurou thinks sasuke killed zabuza which. ok sure idc, and sasuke puts up a pretty good defense until he gets thrown through a wall and we learn that all his cells hurt (i don't know if that's actually physically possible but i don't care enough to find out). the mizukage seems to be the only person intent on actually causing sasuke some problems but fortunately (?) zetsu shows up to help out (sasuke. to help out sasuke. nobody else is having a good time). the iwa nin decide to maybe do some stuff even though the tsuchikage really doesn't give a shit (and credits sasuke with deidara's death. which. bro he did that to himself). karin thinks sasuke is dead and something maybe happens with kankurou but it's not clear what, but then tobi i mean madara shows up with sasuke's presumably unconscious body (he looks silly. i won't lie). cut to sakura being Up To Something, followed by kakashi on clean up duty, and naruto on sitting-around-thinking-about-sasuke duty. sasuke gets kamui'd, which nobody is happy about, and then so does karin, which nobody but her cares about (sorry bby). obito sits his gay ass down and vents at the assembled governments, call them all pussies for believing in hope, and declares war. lastly sakura tries to balance caring about multiple people and naruto continues to ignore his ongoing bisexual crisis. 9/10 so much sasuke

vol 51 - i'll cut to the chase this is basically sasuke the book the movie the tv show the bible the play. there's so much happening here it's a sasuke soap opera inside a sasuke soap opera. sasuke's replacement tells sasuke's boyfriend that sasuke's girlfriend is planning to kill sasuke. sasuke's teacher and sasuke's teacher's kouhai are also there. sasuke's boyfriend envisions the polycule shattering and sasuke's boyfriend's other sandier boyfriend shows up with his sibs to drop some hot info at the worst possible time. meanwhile sasuke's abductor/helper/cousin/uncle/guy who helped sasuke's brother kill sasuke's family talks to sasuke's current murder target. sasuke's target and sasuke's target's brainwashed minions attempt to fight sasuke's least/most helpful family member. sasuke's boyfriend dumps sasuke's boyfriend's other sandier boyfriend and sasuke confronts sasuke's maskiest relative and demands to be released (along with sasuke's girlfriend two electric bitealoo). sasuke's target shows off the result of sasuke's mutilated family members and sasuke demands confirmation on sasuke's brother's true mission. sasuke's boyfriend thinks about sasuke and has a panic attack. sasuke's target accuses sasuke's brother of treason (the one crime sasuke's brother objectively didn't commit, for better or worse), and we go into eyeball battle while sasuke's girlfriend two electric bitealoo tries to figure out wtf is happening. also sasuke has a hawk now. sasuke's target manages to piss off sasuke even more by having an open mouth with words coming from it, and sasuke's brother shows up to jumpscare him but it's actually just an illusion. sasuke gets trapped and sasuke's girlfriend two electric bitealoo tries to help but unfortunately she's a girl in a shounen manga so that's illegal. we learn that sasuke's worst chemistry teacher was working with sasuke's target at some point bc friends who war crime together win together i guess. sasuke's personal exposition machine exposits izanagi which he totally won't use to be a jackass later haha don't worry about it. sasuke's target also has a summon (@ english manga that is a fucking baku not a tapir good grief). sasuke tricks sasuke's target into thinking his eyes were still open and sasuke's girlfriend two electric bitealoo lets him chormp. sasuke's target isn't dead tho and manages to take sasuke's girlfriend two electric bitaloo hostage but sasuke really wants him dead so oops surprise break up via stabbing i guess. sasuke's evil senpai cheers him on, sasuke's target has a flashback and kills himself bc fuck you, and sasuke's girlfriend knocks out sasuke's girlfriend's sasuke hunting team to go on alone. sasuke's (ex) girlfriend two electric bitealoo has a flashback about a bear and sasuke's boyfriend tricks sasuke's teacher's kouhai and chases after sasuke's girlfriend. sasuke and sasuke's girlfriend try to kill each other but sasuke's teacher steps in. sasuke's teacher decides to try to kill sasuke himself and tells sasuke's ex girlfriend to kidnap sasuke's other ex girlfriend. 10/10 lots of break-ups but plenty of sasuke

vol 53 - ok this is scary bc more than the first half of this volume is naruto and he doesn't think about sasuke even once. is he ok. did he hit his head. what's going on buddy you can talk to me. but anyway kushina shows up and through the power of flashbacks we are given baby sasuke! who kushina thinks is a girl at first. he's only there for like three panels but ch 501 has a cover of baby sasuke and baby naruto, so there's that. we then get some more baby sasuke with pre-bad decisions itachi who makes a very sweet promise that he probably shouldn't have kept as hard as he did oops. 5/10 there was some sasuke but not very much. extra point for cuteness tho

vol 54 - naruto thinks of sasuke as a friend he's "not getting along with right now" which is a very interesting way to describe their past few interactions but alright. he's not mentioned again until deidara yells that he killed sasuke and the tsuchikage realizes no one bothered to tell him that sasuke is not only fine but probably forgot about that whole encounter three seconds after having it. 2.5/10 it should probably be a 1 bc sasuke is barely even mentioned but kisame is my favorite character so i'm giving this volume a bonus sasuke point in his honor, and a .5 for konan

vol 56 - the only sasuke is the ch 531 chapter cover. unacceptable. 0/10

vol 58 - naruto acknowledges that "madara" is influencing sasuke's hate, which seems to be the biggest reason why naruto knows he's a bad guy (also the nagato thing). he's only going to try talking to him after he's been stopped. sure naruto whatever you need to tell yourself. we get a cover for ch 548 with all three of the team seven teens (poor sakura is trapped in the middle and barely shows up in tankouban volume format... kakashi's stuck in the background too but at least i don't have to practically flatten the book to see him...) itachi shows up and is shocked to learn that his plan to give his little brother as much ptsd as possible left him ever so slightly not ok. itachi has an excellent response to this, by which i mean he tells naruto to buckle down on the lie so the uchiha family name isn't tarnished (...buddy.) and then says that he actually had a backup plan in case the first plan (traumatize sasuke -> die -> hope no one ever told sasuke the truth and also that no one immediately went back on their word and killed him anway) went to shit. of course this other plan happened to be "just strip him of his free will and force him to do what i want bc there's no way this could possibly backfire", which is now also no longer an option bc he just used it on himself. remember that whole "itachi loves sasuke more than the village" thing? yeah that's maybe not quite as true as he'd like it to be. luckily for itachi naruto sees blind loyalty enforced through brainwashing as a good thing (if it benefits him. if, say, someone had a secret army of brainwashed children and sent one of them to kill sasuke, that would be bad. but if itachi does the same thing it's good bc naruto gets to have him where he wants him regardless of sasuke's personal opinion on the matter. this is a healthy and normal way to react to this sort of thing). itachi tells naruto to never forget his friends (which i mention bc he immediately thinks of everyone except sasuke (and the sand sibs. rude)) and then destroys shisui's eye bc he can't use it against sasuke anymore. itachi says that he isn't going to talk to sasuke bc last time he tried that he failed (which. does not remotely cover the scope of his fuck-up but all right). finally we hit some actual sasuke in the form of zetsu carnage so he can have some practice with his eyeballs. it only lasts a couple seconds but he seems to be having. some kind of time. 3/10 not enough sasuke too much of the walking bad life choices zone (i'm sorry itachi i promise i really do love you i just can't go five minutes without giving you shit about literally your entire life)

vol 60 - first we see sasuke (and the rest of og team seven) in a commemoration by sato atsuhiro. then we see the boy himself cutting up... rocks i think? idk it looks like rocks. cut to suigetsu and juugo talking about sasuke and karin. there's another (chibi) sasuke in the 5th commemoration by taira kenji, and another sasuke in the 6th commemoration by itakura yuuichi. he gets another mention by kurama and then by yagura, both in reference to the kissing incident. we briefly cut to sasuke standing alone in the rain before he turns and smirks at... presumably nothing? idk. it also definitely wasn't raining before so maybe the rocks he attacked earlier were anti-rain shields or something. cut to karin fangirling over sasuke except plot twist she's actually about to break out of prison. yasss queen weaponize those assumptions. suigetsu and juugo continue to do... whatever they're doing (i can't tell if suigetsu is trying to get sasuke and karin together, thinks they're already together, wants to break them up, or wants to get them together for the purpose of breaking them up). anyway they get in a fight and suigetsu finds [undisclosed information] that he absolutely has to get to sasuke. who, as it turns out, is having some fun playing whack-a-clone with the zetsu gang, one of whom he keeps alive for the purposes of intel before beheading once he's done with his internal monologue about his ongoing divorce with naruto. he thinks about his eyes and also his brother and also his brother's eyes which it turns out are giving him (more) depression. after a brief flashback and madara unveiling his boob tattoo, we cut back to sasuke just as he runs into itachi. 7/10 he's mostly just in the latter half of the volume but he makes good use of his screentime. and who doesn't love disposable clone carnage?

that's all the volumes i have at present. if you read through all of this: why. why would you do that to yourself. do you have better things to do. i don't that's why i'm here. see ya

[heyyallitssatan]

(I’m sorry this wouldn’t all fit in the tags)

Okay so just my opinion on a way it could go down

(Very long post under the cut)

A Uchiha clan lives au

Sasuke is an honestly really happy an positive/optimistic kid (I’m gonna compare his attitude to canon Naruto’s) but occasionally we get to see moments where we realise how much pressure he’s under from his parents after his brother disappeared and never returned (in this au itachi couldn’t complete his mission to kill his clan and so he ran away from the village in the dead of night and became a rogue shinobi, no one ever found out why so they just assume he’s either dead or a deserter, either way Sasuke becomes the only son and his father puts all of his high expectations on him and he’s struggling with his allegiance to his clan and village a lot like itachi), kakashi will still be team sevens sensei (he is exactly the same trauma filled mess he is canonically, and as such he is a train wreck with train wreck students but hey it works out in the end, but also he still has the one sharingan, but he has to teach himself to use it because the uchiha clan hates him for stealing obito’s eye and they don’t think he deserves it, so they hate him and treat him worse than scum, they petition the hokage to Sasuke moved off his team because of his but third refuses in one of his few half decent acts, so Sasuke and kakashi have some issues but get over it eventually) (side note: itachi was once asked by the clan to steal Kakashi’s eye because they were together in anbu, in a rare show of spine from itachi he refuses, citing how valuable kakashi is to the village)

Naruto (who will be red headed because I said so and they said all of the uzumakis have red hair and I’ve decided he should too, it also increases his relation to negative later on and I want even more obvious parallels between them) has his canon backstory but the bullying took a lot more of a toll so he has a lot of sasuke’s canon attitude, aloof but also just kind of angry and mean, (maybe here he also knows why the villagers scorn him, or at least has put together some context clues from how he’s treated, and he knows getting angry will only make him more like nine tails, so he spends a lot of time trying to repress his emotions so they just blow up later)

Sakura stays basically the same, except she doesn’t have a crush on anyone, so some of her craziness and jealousy aren’t really present (she’s still kinda boy crazy, but it’s like a new guy every week and no one can keep them straight, she kind of grows out of the weekly crushes eventually as she becomes more serious about her training) so she seems more chill in that regard, acting a lot more like an irritated sibling with both Sasuke and Naruto (inner Sakura is definitely a thing, mostly just a way more extreme version of her current frustration) and she’s a lot more of a girls girl because her and ino were never driven apart so they stayed besties forever (she still cuts her hair just as a pledge to start training harder and keep up with everyone and has nothing to do with Sasuke, ino does it with her in camaraderie)

Inoshikacho stays exactly as they are because they are wonderful perfect babies and I love them (without the Sasuke crush for ino)

For a little bit of spice, neji and hinata switch so that hinata is older and more experienced like neji as the next hyuuga heir, and neji is younger and trying to learn from hinata, he’s still branch and she’s main, but he’s okay with the fate laid out for him as her protector but hinata isn’t, she absolutely fucking hates the idea of him dying for her and she regularly fights her father about it, it’ll get to the point where neji dies for her in the war and hinata is so devastated that she comes home and completely changes the family structure, finding a way to disable the crest/seal on their foreheads and declares that both families are one equal one now and everyone can get over it, her father fights her so hard on it until she reminds him of his brothers sacrifice and he relents to let her do as she pleases

On that note, team gai and team kurenai switch places, so kurenai is the older team that held back a year from the exams and all of them are older and only slightly more experienced than the others (also, in this au, Shino was taken to the root instead of his cousin, he eventually leaves to become part of kurenai team while technically spying for danzo but he quickly decides he likes these people a whole lot better than the root, kakashi recognises him from his time in anbu and gives kurenai and warning and uses his old anbu contacts (Yamato) to get him officially transferred to lord thirds anbu and then discharged so that he’s officially a genin with team kurenai), their personalities (besides hinata being a lot more confident and not crushing on Naruto) stay the same, team gai is a year younger and leaves school with the rest of the teams, and their dynamics are pretty much the same (except neji being less proficient and still learning and a little less cold and angry, though still somewhat with some of the coldness that comes with being part of their clan)

So some additional story notes

Because Sasuke isn’t traumatised the same way, he doesn’t run with orochimaru, choosing instead to stay a learn from kakashi in spite of his fathers orders (kakashi also knew a fair deal more about itachi in this au, so eventually he tells Sasuke what really happened on that mission and Sasuke resolves to hunt down his brother, his team refuses to let him go alone, so kakashi convinces Lord third (who is still alive for a bit because orochimaru had no reason to come destroy the leaf if he isn’t recruiting Sasuke) to make it an official mission to track him down. Along the way they find tsunade when one of them gets injured, and Sakura bullies her into training her, so they leave and travel around while tsunade teaches her medical ninjutsu and Sakura definitely doesn’t pick up her gambling habit (she’s way more subtle about it tho) and tsunade sees Naruto and the fox chakra thing and recommends jiraiya and then helps them track him down, and they convince him to train Naruto and they disappear for a bit to mount miyoboku (Naruto is really reluctant to leave Sasuke but he does after Sasuke convinced him to go) where he finally learns to talk to kurama while he controls nature energy, he already found out about the fox and what happened from kakashi, and when kakashi found out he wasn’t being taken care of he was more than a little angry about it, (he didn’t know because he basically wasn’t in the village during his anbu tenure and when he was he was avoiding the shit out of his mentors kid because he was expressly forbidden from talking to him about the incident or who his parents were because he was told it would help him have a normal childhood, lies lies and more lies, kakashi eventually apologised and explained everything he knew and told him stories about both of his parents and how they helped raise him and he gave him every picture and note and everything he could dig up of them, Naruto felt like he really knew him after that)

So then it’s just kakashi and Sasuke on this mission to find his brother and they do, as part of the akatsuki, itachi wants nothing to do with his brother he abandoned or the captain he disappointed, luckily for him they are easily pushed away by mean words (kakashi didn’t believe that shit talk for a second) and he explains that after he left he had to do something, and he thought the best way he could protect the village was by infiltrating the akatsuki and finding out what they were up to, they’re after all the jinchuriki including Naruto, Sasuke vows not to let them get him and they go back (itachi stays to continue collecting info) and find him to tell him what’s happening and why he has to stay hidden for three years while he trains

Sakura returns with lady tsunade in tow and tsunade is convinced to take over the position of hokage after third dies peacefully in his sleep (no one can prove that isn’t what happened /hj)

So now we’re basically on track with the series and it will play out pretty similarly (no one besides the konoha twelve really change all that much, except itachi I guess) only Sasuke is with the village so orochimaru is a player in the game but he’s kind of background and just another antagonist to deal with

It all plays out basically how it happens in the show after this, Naruto is still definitely the main character even if my post is mostly about Sasuke I promise

What Would You Do With the Konoha 12?

I’ve mentioned before that I’ve attempted to rewrite Naruto in the past and one of the first blockades I found was, surprisingly, how many different interesting directions the different characters could be taken in.

Let’s take Sakura Haruno for example. Would you keep her a medic ninja, a genjutsu master, a wood release user, or something else? Would you lean into how emotional she is or would you make her less sensitive over time? Would you make her a civilian child or from a prominent clan like Sasuke and Naruto? Would she keep Inner Sakura? How would you handle her rivalry with Ino, if you keep it, and her motivations? How would you handle her relationship with Sasuke? Would you lean into her femininity or make her more of a tomboy? Would you make her more like Naruto like in the original or would you try to make her more of the earth to Naruto and Sasuke’s sun and moon or some secret third option? And there are many more questions and decisions you could make with her character and role in the story, of course.

Because there are so many options for all of the Konoha 12 (plus others, but let’s not get in over our heads), I’m curious to see what choices different people might make. And now that I have an account on a very creativity-driven website, I can ask. So,

What would you do with/How would you write the Konoha 12 if you were rewriting Naruto?

[oh-no-its-bird]

"Madara and Kakashi's field trip from hell"

Where warring era Madara somehow time travels first to kid era Kakashi (before his dad died), then manages to accidentally kidnap him, time travels AGAIN to future Konoha, then eventually back to warring era— all of this with a very very angry, very very kidnapped kid Kakashi in hand.

Madara is screaming wordlessly as Kakashi screams back and tries to bite him, an older Kakashi physically cringing and averting his eyes while team 7 watches in awe

It's hated on sight for kid Kakashi and Sasuke actually, but like the mutual respect kind of hatred. It's just hatred for Sakura and Naruto. Damn, even in the future Kakashi is surrounded by incompetent children, this is tragic. (Older Kakashi is putting his head in his hands in tears. Why was he like this.)

Kid Kakashi tells Naruto he's just as stupid as his dad, which Naruto takes as a compliment and also an earth shattering realization bc WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU KNOW MY DAD???

Kid Kakashi mistakes older Kakashi for his dad at first and it's exactly as painful as you would expect

(Somewhere in another timeline, Sakumo is losing his SHIT over Kakashi's kidnapping by Madara. Madara is so so sorry he did not do this on purpose oh god put the sword down listen we can talk this out wait nO LISTEN WE CAN TALK THIS OUT—)

Kakashi hates himself but especially hates himself at that age and it definatley shows and is very painful for everyone around bc hes just straight up mean to like an actual 6 year old. Who is also himself. It's a lot.

Kid Kakashi also absoloutley DESPISES what hes become like holy shit Kakashi is everything he hates in a person

Madara genuinley did not mean to kidnap Kakashi btw. He actually didn't even mean to time travel. I'm thinking it was an Uzumaki seal in some old ruins activated by accident and gone wrong. Madara lands in a new place and uses his sharingan to replicate it in an attempt to get back, but knows very little about seals so like 90% of it is guess work and the other 10% is prayer

Kakashi somehow gets involved by snooping and gets hit with his attempt at a return seal (honestly his own fault) and now Madara is just kind of. Stuck with him. AND not even home what the fuck !!! They have to work together kind of but also Kakashi wants to see him dead and Madara is having to physically wrestle him away (he is a demon baby holy shit) <- then repeat that process with his next attempt at a go home seal but like, this time it works!! He's home!!! But also he was actually trying to go back to Kakashi's time to put him back. So. Oops.

It's like a really bad situation for Madara actually bc he has this whole KID now. This kid who hates him (tho somewhat less, after all they've gone through on their little field trip) and Madara wants to put him back!!! He does not want to keep Kakashi!!! Holy shit he does not want to keep this child. But he only made it home on pure fucking luck and he can't risk trying AGAIN and never making it back. But he also can't just send Kakashi ALONE, he's 6! He's 6 and the seal is unstable and Madara doesn't know where he'll end up and look Madara isn't a good guy but he is NOT about to see this whole ass toddler dead because of his fuck up.

When they eventually go back to the warring states together Kakashi is like a miniature Tobirama and people react appropriately

The Uchiha are eyeing Madara like uhhhhh Madara-sama is there something you'd like to share with us.

(Also Kakashi is actually Tobirama's blood related nephew but neither Madara or Kakashi is aware of this)

Madara doesn't really want to just set Kakashi loose on the world??? It's a dangerous world! Kakashi is proven dangerous but like FUCK he's kind of Madara's responsibility now and oh god he has a kid why does he have a kid he's going to fucking kill it by accident and—

So anyways Madara is stressed.

The Hatake are a Senju ally and also fucking impossible to track down or contact if you aren't one of them. They're nomadic and in Iron country, so there's actually 0 chance of Madara trying to pass Kakashi off to them

Madara debates trying to throw Kakashi at Tobirama/Hashirama and run away to avoid awkward questions

The Uchiha elders are pushing for him to be a political prisoner to use against the Senju, maybe Madara makes some bullshit up about Kakashi being related to Hashirama and Tobirama idk (it's not even that much of a lie, I mean, he IS, just not in the way anyone expects)

Uhhh endgame getting peace early by bluffing really really hard about Kakashi being a missing Senju brother?? And like "ransoming" him for peace (Hashirama has NO fucking clue what Madara is on about but yeah sure he'll take any excuse to end the war)

Hashi and Tobi are staring at a tiny little glaring Kakashi like 👁👁👁👁 "So, Madara. Wanna talk about where you found our,,,, 'long lost brother',, you said he was?"

Madara, visibly sweating and unable to meet their eyes, "n,,no,,,"

[egirl-itachi]

I see your "nobody fuckin asked" and I raise you edgelord-glitch-vaporwave-depressiongan Uchihas ft. Billie Eyelash bc Shisui is peak sadgirl

[bougiebutchbitch]

Team Seven thoughts

Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke are the only ones in the world beside Gai and Tenzou (and Obito but shhh) who know that if Kakashi's injured or exhausted, stroking his hair or his back REALLY HELPS HIM get out of battle mode.

Like, one time he collapsed but was still conscious. The kids were giggling because 'OH SENSEI'S DEFENCELESS LET'S SEE IF HIS HAIR IS AS FLOOFY AS IT LOOKS' (spoilers: it absolutely is). But Kakashi was flat-out, hardly able to move, and FREAKING THE FUCK OUT.

He's painfully weak and immobilised, and just got out of a major fight! The enemies are dead - but what if there are more of them coming? It'd be fine if he was by himself - he'd just crawl into a hidey hole and wait it out - but his team are with him, his kids, and he has to protect them -

Anyway, he's too tense to rest, even if he knows the danger has passed.

UNTIL Naruto makes good on his threats and starts stroking his hair.

Kakashi gears up to snap at him ("Naruto - seriously - ")

...But he only gets halfway through before the words trail off and his eyes go all droopy.

Because.

Ooh.

Head strokey.

Mm.

Naruto, the absolute menace, is observant only when it’s least convenient to Kakashi. He notices. And grins, doubling his efforts to massage Kakashi’s head, kneading at him like a cat.

"You should really shut your sharingan, sensei," grumbles Sakura. She sinks criss-cross-applesauce next to Naruto and adds her little hand to the two already buried in his hair. "You know it drains your chakra. It'd be so much easier if you can walk to the hospital once we reach Konoha, rather than needing us to drag you."

Quite the bossy little medic already, isn't she? Kakashi's half-tempted to disobey out of spite.

Mostly though, he wants to growl that they should stay vigilant. With him down for the count they're vulnerable. Can't they see? They all need to be on their guard, watching for danger, protecting each other because he can’t protect them -

Sure, the kids’ touch sends soothing flickers of sensation across his scalp. Sure, the sun peeks out from behind the clouds, and birdsong twitters all around them, wildlife returning to the gash their battle carved in the forest. The enemies’ blood soaks slowly into the earth.

Everything seems nice and cheerful and safe, but Kakashi has never put much trust in seems. He can barely move his fingers, but he keeps them curled around the hilt of his kunai, regardless.

Until Sasuke edges closer.

He sinks into a squat on Kakashi’s other side. Glaring out into the trees.

"She's right," he says (they all have the decency to ignore Sakura’s flush). "Shut your sharingan."

So rude. Never any respect for his poor old sensei. Not that his other two kids are any better.

Kakashi couldn’t defend himself from their ministrations even if he wanted to; his limbs are lead, weighing him down. His head, in contrast, is full of light fluffy foam, from where Naruto does his best to mould his hair into devil horns, giggling all the while. It’s so tempting to listen. So tempting...

Sasuke sweetens the deal by adding: "I didn't expend much chakra - I'm keeping watch. There are no hostiles for as far as my senses can stretch."

Ah. A status report. Those, Kakashi is familiar with.

He knows he shouldn't trust the words of his little genin (knows they're his responsibility to keep safe). But Sakura is scowling at Naruto and doing her utmost to fix the utter mess he's making of his hair, and Naruto is cackling as he makes it even worse (where did he get the hairbands from?? Kakashi doesn’t know, but he’s already resigned himself to pigtails).

“C’mon, Sasuke,” Naruto stage-whispers, ruffling the springy white spikes. “You gotta touch it. It’s so fluffy...”

Sasuke rolls his eyes to the heavens. Crosses his arms. Scowls at the entire world, but especially the three other members of his team. Then he turns to sit facing half-away, reaches out one hand, and gives Kakashi's head the tiniest, most grudging pat.

Finally, fucking finally, Kakashi lets himself relax. Tension draining from his blood-stained hands, from between the discs in his spine. When his kunai slithers from his fingers, he lets it fall.

His kids are okay. They all survived the fight. They're here, and they're uninjured, and they're taking advantage of his enfeebled condition to pet his fucking head like he's one of his ninken. Kakashi doesn’t mind nearly as much as he should.

His left eye drifts shut. His right eye follows.

He has no idea the horrors his squad are going to wreak on his hair, but that’s a problem for tomorrow’s Kakashi. Everything is.

For now, he dulls his senses down until the only thing he can feel is the three tiny hands on his head. Not quite sleeping, but permitting himself to doze. Knowing that so long as his kids are by his side and practicing amateur hairstyling, all of Team Seven are safe.

[misfit-mccoward]

WHY WOULD YOU BRING THIS BACK

anyway here's more. spicy

i never wrote whatever events lead up to this, but i think it's something like "they do a mission which ends with deidara burning off her shirt, and then itachi can't keep her mouth shut so she goads her into a fight"

****

Itachi is confident she’s the superior at hand-to-hand combat, and therefore should be superior at grappling, but the fabric of Deidara’s bra brushes her forearm, and Itachi’s entire brain shuts down. Deidara wrenches her arms back and Itachi lets her, one of her elbows being forced up under Deidara’s breast. It’s soft and heavy at the same time, and she doesn’t fight at all as Deidara shoves her face into the ground. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Deidara asks, her inner thighs cocooning around Itachi’s hips. 

Itachi opens her mouth with the idea that she’ll make a biting, witty remark. Instead a sad little moan comes out. 

Deidara lets go of her arms. The grip of her thighs loosens. 

“Holy shit,” Deidara says, voice filled with wonder. “Itachi, you–”

Itachi cuts off whatever horrible direction this is suddenly going by attempting to flip them both over. Deidara’s hips move against her again, and she fumbles, and ends up on her back, Deidara still on top. 

“Wow,” Deidara says, unimpressed. She sits regally, back straight as she straddles Itachi’s hips, like she knows she can hold her position for as long as she pleases. “Is this why you can’t stop looking at my tits?”

“No,” Itachi denies immediately, even as her brain tries to process this new, interesting angle of Deidara. She can see where Deidara’s bra is at its highest tension, stretched to its greatest breadth, her breasts curving over the thick band around her rib cage. 

Deidara leans forward, slowly and purposefully, setting her hands on the ground at either side of Itachi’s own chest. Itachi watches in rapt attention as the view slowly changes, Deidara’s cleavage revealing itself to her centimeter by centimeter. 

Unbidden, Itachi’s hips twitch against Deidara’s, a warm aching sensation unfolding. A knowing smirk spreads across Deidara’s face.

“I see,” says Deidara. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Itachi replies. 

“So then you wouldn’t mind at all,” Deidara says, sitting up straight again and rolling herself back on Itachi’s hips in a way that makes her twitch again, “if I did this?”

She pulls off her sports bra. It’s not designed with clasps, so she pulls the band forward and then over her chest. Itachi watches, transfixed, as her breasts come free and then bounce against her rib cage. Her nipples are pink and erect. 

“This seems tactically unwise,” Itachi manages to say. 

“Are you analyzing them with your sharingan, you weird pervert?” Deidara asks, both mocking and pleased. 

“You’re the one who…” Itachi starts and then trails off as Deidara moves again. 

Deidara puts her hands on the ground alongside Itachi’s head now and leans over again. Itachi’s sharingan does analyze every movement, as the weight of her breasts roll off her ribcage as she bends forward, how they hover inches from Itachi’s face. Itachi could open her mouth and lick them, if she wanted. 

“Stick your face in them, pervert,” Deidara challenges. “I can tell you want to. Do it, yeah.” 

Itachi’s hands dig into the ground at the idea. She thinks about how heavy Deidara’s breast had felt against her arm, imagines that weight on her face. Her thigh muscles tense as the heat between her legs intensifies, demanding she rub her legs together. 

Itachi says nothing, even as Deidara lowers herself closer and closer, centimeter by centimeter. Itachi’s knees turn inwards against her will, but she otherwise stays resolute. 

“No?” Deidara says eventually. “Okay, well, feel free to join in any time you want.”

She sits back up. One hand comes up, cupping her breast, and Itachi watches as a tongue slides along her nipple. She cups the other breast next, squishing them together, and then lets out a throaty groan as her other hand mouth tackles that nipple too. 

Itachi really should throw her off. Instead, she’s aching uselessly between her legs as she watches Deidara work herself over. 

“Really?” Deidara says after a few moments of positively pornographic noises. “Nothing?”

Itachi doesn’t have anything to say. 

“Dumbass,” Deidara murmurs. She gets on her knees, slipping one hand down the hem of her pants and between her legs. Itachi watches the way the fabric tugs. Deidara lets out a softer moan.

“You’re really fuck stupid, yeah,” she sighs out after a few moments. Then she reaches forward and puts her free hand over Itachi’s mouth. Itachi’s lips smash against her teeth almost painfully. “Open up,” Deidara demands, panting. 

Against he better judgment, Itachi parts her lips. Deidara’s hand tongue wedges itself inside her mouth. It tastes like earth. 

“Touch me,” Deidara demands. Itachi’s fingers dig into the ground as her sides, and Deidara lets out a disgusted snarl. She shoves her hand down hard over Itachi’s face, and Itachi chokes on her tongue. 

Itachi’s cunt is throbbing. She has no idea what to do. She shouldn’t be indulging Deidara like this. She needs to this to stop, has every ability to make it stop, and yet she does nothing but lie there miserably with Deidara’s tongue down her throat. Deidara boundes a little above her, eyes glazed over with her own pleasure. 

Finally Deidara lets out one little aaah and her eyes slid shut. Her body still. Then she snorts.

“Some genius you are, yeah,” she says, then gets off Itachi and leaves her there.  

xXx

Itachi slinks back into their hotel room, every step feeling like torture. She feels humiliated and thrilled at the same time, turned on and unsatisfied in a deeply physical way. The room is dark, and she can barely make out Kisame’s huge form in one of the beds. Itachi proceeds as silently as she can, cheeks burning with embarrassment.

Itachi crawls into the other bed, and Kisame shifts. This is unfortunate, because Itachi wants nothing more than to never be perceived again. She pulls blankets up over her face. 

“Well?” Kisame says after a minute. “Did you two finally fuck or not?”

Itachi wants to evaporate. She pulls the blankets further up over her. Against her will, she’s still aching between her legs.

“Well?” Kisame presses. 

Itachi’s throat is dry. “I’m not sure.”

“You’re not sure?” Kisame repeats, and Itachi can see her sitting up fully. “How can you not know?”

Itachi squeezes her eyes shut and rolls over, pulling the pillow over her head. This turns out to be a mistake, because laying on her side lets gravity press her legs together just enough to feel both good and so much worse because she starts thinking about Deidara again– the angle of looking up and seeing the way the bottom of her breasts sat on her rib cage, watching them shift as her tongue ran over a nipple and then slipped in between–

Itachi’s fist balls in the sheets, her knees squeezing together against her will. Ah, no, Kisame was in the room and she needed to stop–

She rolls out of bed and dashes for the bathroom, feeling deeply ashamed. Kisame can’t care too much– she does stuff like this all the time– but Itachi never does this. 

“That bad, huh?” Kisame calls. “Just fuck her! She’ll say yes!”

“Shut up,” Itachi yells back, and runs the shower.

****

OTHER NOTES: also dw they do fuck apparently because then at the end of the document is this

****

“Oh my god,” Deidara laughs as her fingers part Itachi’s slit. “You are so wet for me already, yeah. It’s almost pathetic.”

She shoves two fingers into Itachi without further preamble. It both hurts and feels incredibly good, and Itachi lets out a soft whimper. 

“So slick,” Deidara purrs as her fingers move in and out. The tongue in her hand brushes against Itachi’s clit, and an obscene noise escapes Itachi’s lips. “You like that?” Deidara asks, her tongue circling Itachi’s clit. “You should have let me do this ages ago, yeah.”

Itachi lets her head roll back and her eyes slide close. It feels so good. She even likes Deidara’s commentary– she is needy and weak, she does need Deidara. Please, please, Deidara, take her. 

Deidara somehow gets her fingers even deeper, letting her bring her palm against Itachi so the lips in her hand can suck her clit. “I do need you,” Itachi whines out, her whole body hot. “Deidara, I need you.”

Deidara buries her free hand in Itachi’s hair and uses it to pull her face forward, so Itachi looks at her. Deidara is smirking, knowing and triumphant. 

“Good,” she says, and then presses her mouth to Itachi’s. It’s rough and domineering, and the switch in focus makes her fingers’ rhythm become uneven and then stop. Itachi doesn’t care. She likes Deidara taking control, likes her shoving her tongues into both Itachi’s mouth and vulva. Her hand pulls at Itachi’s hair, and Itachi moans pathetically into her mouth. 

Itachi feels something inside her suddenly snaps, and she makes a truly embarrassing noise as she comes. Deidara breaks away from their desperate kiss.

“God, you’re so pathetic, yeah,” she says with a mean smirk. Her voice is breathless and her lips gloss is smeared across her face. “Already? You haven’t even done anything for me.”

last night i found the dumbest thing i have ever written. it is so dumb i'm not even sure how to begin to contextualize it without you all losing respect for me

[panharmonium]

this is legitimately one of my top five favorite kakashi scenes.

i love seeing kakashi break the rules in the name of doing the right thing, and this scene especially is particularly satisfying to me, because his moment of defiance here is, to my mind, long overdue.  

one of my eternal frustrations in early naruto is how the leaf village administration gives kakashi the job of caring for a group of super high-needs children and then continually makes that job as difficult for him as possible.  they task him with being solely responsible for the development and well-being of three twelve year-olds - a group that includes naruto (a walking disaster with a god’s power trapped inside his body) and sasuke (a genocide survivor fixated on killing his own brother), BOTH of whom are being hunted by different groups of supercriminals - and then the village keeps getting in kakashi’s way or dropping the ball or actively ordering him to prioritize other things.  

so much of what goes wrong with the kids in this period is the result of other people interfering with kakashi’s work or being negligent or endangering the kids/putting kakashi in impossible positions.  team 7’s first big mission sets the tone for everything that comes after, with someone else’s lie putting kakashi in a situation where he has to single-handedly protect not just the client who deceived him, but the three children who were supposed to be the clients’ other protectors.  and after that, the list just multiplies:

ten anbu operatives can’t manage to protect sasuke’s hospital room from orochimaru’s minions, so kakashi has to do it himself and then whisk sasuke out of the village for a month, leaving naruto in the hands of a substitute and sakura with her parents

genma orders sasuke to chase after gaara when the chunin exams blow up, saying “you’re at chunin level already,” which forces kakashi to immediately dispatch more kids to bring him back, because “ffs NO i do NOT want him out there doing that why the fuck would you tell him to do that?!” 

aoba runs his mouth off about itachi when sasuke is standing RIGHT THERE, instantly undoing all the work kakashi just did to prevent itachi and sasuke from coming anywhere near each other (and thus sending sasuke to that disastrous first encounter, the outcome of which ultimately leads to sasuke’s defection)

jiraiya decides he should let sasuke try to fight itachi himself, “out of respect for the boy’s feelings,” leading to sasuke ending up in a tsukuyomi coma

tsunade orders kakashi to drop his teaching work and leave the village on a mission even though a) he’s just gotten out of his own torture-induced coma and b) sasuke is having a crisis that kakashi is trying to manage

and then when kakashi gets back from that mission and finds out that surprise, all of this meddling has led to a disaster, tsunade tries to order him away AGAIN

but this time - he just says no.

he walks right out of her office.  he turns his back on her.  and there is NOTHING i love more than seeing kakashi embody the philosophy that he’s chosen to adopt as his guiding light: those who break the rules are scum.  but those who abandon their friends are worse than scum.

it’s not that he doesn’t understand where tsunade is coming from here.  but he knows she’s wrong.  she’s making her decisions based solely on concerns about the Leaf Village being in a tight spot - feeling like they can’t turn down missions because they’ll appear weak and thus become vulnerable to attack when they’re already operating at half strength.  she sends a group of twelve year-olds to bring sasuke back because supposedly the village can’t spare anyone else, “even if it means letting the sharingan fall into orochimaru’s hands” - but like.  it’s not the sharingan.  it’s a child.  sasuke isn’t just a repository for his hereditary jutsu; he’s not a pair of eyes to be passed around from one wielder to the next.  he’s a human child.  

tsunade doesn’t know sasuke.  she’s new to the situation and doesn’t know enough about it to understand how serious it is.  i don’t even think she was still in the village when the uchiha massacre occurred; the timeline makes it sound like she left long before that.  she doesn’t really understand who sasuke is or how much trouble he’s in - she makes her decision because she feels like her first priority has to be the well-being of the Leaf as a whole, not the individual people who comprise it.  kakashi, though, who a) lives his life by a very different philosophy and b) does understand sasuke’s situation, would not have dealt with the issue like this, and if the village had let him do his job from the beginning, things wouldn’t have gotten to this point in the first place.

kakashi is horrified that tsunade sent a bunch of twelve year-olds out to fight orochimaru’s ninja, and i think he’s also probably angry and/or frustrated about having been ordered out of the village in the first place.  he was dealing with the situation before tsunade sent him away.  he interrupted the fight between sasuke and naruto even though he himself had literally just gotten out of the hospital, and then he continued addressing the issue with sasuke privately (unlike jiraiya’s non-attempt to address it with naruto, when he said he was going to give naruto a talking-to but actually flaked out).  kakashi knew sasuke was struggling, and he was doing all the things a teacher is supposed to do to address it, but then he was ordered away, and even though it was just for two days, it was enough time for everything to go to hell.

if people would just let him do his job - if the administration would let him focus on the task they themselves assigned to him - things would be different.  but everybody wants him to do everything.  they want him to be everywhere.  they want him to protect the nine-tails jinchuriki (who is also kakashi’s dead teacher’s son), and train the last surviving uchiha (which is a task only kakashi and his sharingan can perform), and give equal attention to a third kid, for good measure, and they want him to do it without stepping away from any of his other burdens, all while other people around him constantly frustrate the progress he makes.

so this time, when tsunade tries to send him away, he refuses.  he disobeys her orders and walks out of the room.  he doesn’t care about the rules or what he’s “legally” obligated to do.  he knows what the RIGHT thing to do is, and so he rejects his new mission in favor of rescuing the kids.

i love these moments.  i love when we’re shown so clearly the person kakashi has chosen to be - someone who does what’s right, not just what he’s told.  he made an active choice many years ago to adopt that philosophy, and he’s been living by those new rules ever since.  he's wiser now than he was when he was a child - sometimes you have to break ranks to do the right thing.  sometimes you have to buck the system, even if it means you might face severe personal consequences.

he had one of two choices: either save the mission or his comrades.  of course, according to the law of the village, you cannot abandon a mission.  but to save the life of his comrades, he put the mission on hold.

kakashi may have spent a good chunk of his childhood trying to reject everything the subject of that story stood for, but none of his attempts to harden his heart ever stuck.  he is, in the end, his father’s son.

[009720kakashi]

@shinobinvku

Shinya won’t argue that the Copy Ninja has many flaws. The man wears a perpetual mask both figuratively and in a literal sense. Then again, he probably doesn’t have any room to judge. Gods knows that the Ghost Tiger has his problematic vices, unable to leave work where it belongs, chasing attractive company or alcohol. Though he might be known for being the most cold-hearted squad captain in ANBU, Shinya can confidently say that Kakashi is trustworthy. He considers him a friend and would like to help him out when Shinya can. ❝ Serious as a fucking heart attack. ❞ Shinya replies, pouring himself another drink with a mischievous smirk. ❝ I’m not saying you have to commit. Something tells me that they’re not looking for that sort of thing either, but it wouldn’t hurt to get your dick wet once in a while, you know? ❞ The life of a shinobi can be short. You never know when a mission is going to claim your life. Why not indulge for a night has always been Shinya’s motto. It’s an unspoken truth that many operatives in ANBU sleep around with one another. What’s a night of passion between colleagues when you know the chances of dying the next day are highly likely? The Ghost Tiger had a notorious reputation for being a playboy.  ❝ Oh please, Hatake, I highly doubt that’s the least of your concerns. ❞ Shinya replies. He savors the sake this time, having poured himself a higher quality of shimazake than the stuff they were previously drinking. He offers some to Kakashi and clinks the glasses with him.  ❝ Of course, I would! After all, we’re friends, right? Why would I steer you wrong? She’s attractive, and if I’m being honest, I think you two would hit it off nicely. Maybe I could set you two up on a date or meet at the izakaya after a mission? What do you think? I'm a pretty good wing-man. ❞

He arches both eyebrows which also makes him open the Sharingan. It is exhausting to keep it closed constantly without the support of a Hitai- ate. In ANBU attire he cannot wear one since he has to be able to open it under the mask. 

“Are you dru…?” he does not finish the sentence. Instead looks at Otsuka’s refilled glass and sighs.

“Well of course you are” he adds then in a lower voice. Taking another sip of his own glass.

“You are far too occupied with my dick Otsuka. Are there even these mysterious other people or do you want to tell me something?” Attack was the best defence at times. Also people tended to be thrown off by such remarks. He might regret it with Otsuka though. The man is not shy at all.

“Aside from that… ANBU doing ‘commitment’ clearly need to rethink their career choices ne?” Being in ANBU is a good excuse to fend off overzealous suitors. Not that he has overzealous suitors. People do rarely approach him that way and he has worked very hard for that. Usually civilians tended to be more brave in that aspect since they did not know his reputation. 

He lets Shinya fill his glass once more after all. You did not get shimazake that often. 

“No!” he replies immediately. 

“Are you fucking kidding me? No setting up anything Otsuka.” It is one think if it comes to it naturally. Something else to have someone set it up. 

“Believe it or not I can get sex …even without having to pay for it or be set up. I’m not that hopeless. Also if she is that interested how about she makes a move then? You said it yourself. There are no rules against it since I’m not her Captain. That’s not on my plate then I’d say.”

shinobinvku

𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘'𝐑𝐄 𝐁𝐎𝐓𝐇 𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐅𝐓𝐎𝐏 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐘𝐀'𝐒 𝐀𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓.His elder half-sister, Haruka, runs the local izakaya on the first floor and happens to be his landlord, which means they have the luxury of bottomless sake and a quiet hangout spot with fantastic views of the Hidden Leaf Village whenever they want.

He’s been trying to invite the Copy Ninja out for sake for a long time but always gets turned down, claiming that he rarely drinks. Shinya usually finds it suspicious when a shinobi refuses to drink socially, as though they have something to hide. What sort of secrets is he holding onto? Shinya wonders.

❝ Aha, but what if I said I preferred you this way? A much more honest version of yourself. ❞ He chuckles, topping off Kakashi’s glass again.

❝ That’s the beauty of alcohol, my friend. It has the capability of revealing the truth. ❞

Shinya isn’t joking! He has a firm belief that alcohol reveals the truth in others. It stifles reasoning skills and contemplating repercussions. As a result, people are more likely to divulge the truth while intoxicated. Without the fear of consequences, alcohol can give people the courage to do or say things they ordinarily wouldn’t entertain.

After pouring himself another glass, Shinya sets the bottle down on the floor with a content sigh, deciding how to phrase his answer.

❝ Nah. She’s not part of your team but she’s someone you’ve gotten better acquainted with recently. Though, if I’m being honest with you, it’s more of a strong hunch I have about them, and I’m hardly ever wrong about those. I’m just trying to help you out, Hatake. You know, because I’m such a good friend and all? You’ve been tense lately. ❞

Actually, he’s always tense. Kakashi just needs to get laid.

He does not really know why he had agreed to come this time. People usually gave up inviting him eventually. Otsuka had not. Not yet anyway. Today he just was lucky. Kakashi had not been in the mood to go home but was too exhausted to visit Rin and Obito as well. That was rare enough. He tended to drag himself to the graveyard and memorial stone no matter what. Guilt and grief are powerful motivators. Today alcohol is good enough though. However he does slow down the drinking. Kakashi has no intention to get wasted with Otsuka. 

Kakashi’s uncovered eye wanders over the rooftops. t is quite a nice view. 

“Then you are still out of luck” he replies, taking a sip and then pulls up the mask again. Kakashi really does not care what people think of him. 

“Also I sure have many flaws Otsuka but I don’t think I’m dishonest. At least that would be a new reproach I have to add to the list then.”

He does not share a lot. That much is true but he is not dishonest.

“Maa aside from the job required dishonesty that is.” 

Revealing the truth? Sure but not always to anyone’s benefit. It also makes people overshare. Kakashi is a very private person. Even his closest friends and there are not many anyway don’t get him to open up. 

“It’s a nice view…honestly” he says, emphasizing the last word, turning to Otsuka, clearly smirking under the mask. 

Arching his eyebrows he turns to look at the other man.

“You cannot be serious” he says. He knows that ANBU naturally is a bit of a …den of iniquity… . These people face life and death situations constantly and their jobs sure do not allow for regular relationships. They of course mingle among each other. Maybe not necessarily out of romance but also to satisfy physical needs. As long as it does not interfere with their performance during a mission Kakashi does not care. Not even if people in his own team get a bit more ‘friendly’ with each other. He has not hooked up with anyone like that since he joined ANBU. 

“Don’t you think there is enough locker room talk about me already? I’m not sure I need to add my bedroom activity to that.” 

After a moment of silence he turns to Otsuka again.

“You do that?” he asks. Otsuka was a fellow Captain. He really is a little curious now.