#next up is the debt two-parter

[vibratingskull]

Could I maybe get Thrawnxfem!brothel worker,something something alien biology and mating

It will be a 2 parter cause I can't segway my way to the smut organically, enjoy the romantic fluff of the first part.

“Hurry up! Get in ranks!” shouts the Matriarch.

You and all your brothel’s sisters run to place yourself in the Grand Salon, a large room richly decorated in a royal fashion, so different from the quarters reserved for the prostitutes. With gold and forest green tones, large lavish sofas and long wall hangings, this room clearly tries to mimic the atmosphere of the Imperial Palace without really succeeding. Not that you could know what the interior of the Imperial Palace would look like. A low ranking whore like you doesn’t really get time or permission for cultural leaves.

You rearrange your hair as you run in the corridors, flattening your short dress with your colleagues next to you, wondering who might have come at the brothel to cause such agitation. Usually when a client comes, they get a sample of the harlots, maximum ten prostitutes presented to them, but today, all 50 prostitutes are being hurried to the Salon. 

Who might have come to cause such a commotion?

“Move away, you!” You’re being pushed against the wall.

Daniama and her gang walk past you with laughter, with heavy make up and golden jewelries, they are the creme de la creme of the Brothel, young, fit, exotic, beautiful… They brought a real fortune to the house and in two or three tricks they should be able to buy their freedom away from the prostitutes' neighborhood and pay their debts to the Matriarch. You envy them terribly. You are a lower class harlot, not being picked much, still in outrageous debts up to your neck. You doubt you will ever leave this house, at least until your youth wither away, then you will be thrown out in the streets of Coruscant, alone.

You bite your inner cheek.

“Hurry up!” Barks the Matriarch, “Don’t keep him waiting!”

You place yourself hurriedly in line, next to your friends of misfortune. Daniama and her gang are placed forwards, in a spotlight for the client to see them first. They will again be chosen tonight, leaving all your other sisters arms dangling without any cash infusion again. 

“Silence, girls! Lower your heads, we have a VIP guest tonight, do justice to the house!”

Daniama giggles, freeing her mane and deepening her cleavage. The armada of prostitutes behind her is just here for decorations, here to embellish her and her friends even more, a prop to their success.

“Do you think he will buy the debt of one of us?” She asks her gang, they laugh excitedly in response, holding hands.

Your own friend nudges you with a comforting smile. You smile back at her in the same fashion. That’s right, once they are gone you will have more chances on your own. Do not despair!

A man enters the room and immediately silence takes place.

You raise your eyes discreetly to see him. It is a tall man, taller than anyone in this room, with deep blue skin and glowing red eyes. He wears a white military uniform but you can’t make sense of his plaque.

“Welcome, Grand Admiral.” The Matriarch salutes him with a sweet voice and a smile “It is an honor to see you.”

You lower your eyes immediately as he looks over the room. Never meet a client's eyes until they choose you…

“Well, I just hope to find what I came here for. You are not the first establishment I visited today.” He lets her know, hands clasped behind his back.

“They always say that, but they always come back to us after.” She assures him.

“We will see about that.”

“Let me show you the girls, Grand Admiral Thrawn. I am sure we have the perfect product for you!” She gestures to him to approach, taking support from her cane.”This is Daniama, she is the pearl of the establishment, she is very well versed in all the pleasure techniques and will satisfy you in every possible way.”

He takes a step further, observing her intently. You can only see her back but you imagine her smiling boldly at him, looking at him in his eyes despite the interdiction. She does a small reverence and he simply takes her wrist and pulls it to his nose.

Is he… sniffing her?

He frowns and releases her immediately.

“No, she is not what I am searching for.” he simply states.

The Matriarch winces, it is uncommon that Daniama gets rejected. She presents one of her friends to him instead and he repeats the operation.

Same results.

You don’t know what he’s searching for but la creme de la creme isn’t useful today. He won’t find anything else here.

He starts walking among the rest of the prostitutes, blatantly ignoring the rest of the gang. He stops here and there, breathing in the scent off the wrist of some girl while the Matriarch presents her to him, but none pleases him. The more he tries and fails, the more displeased his expression gets. He’s losing precious time here when he should be planning important military campaigns!

You lower back your head when he enters your rank, walking calmly among the commoners. His boots resonate in the silent Salon, intimidating everyone. Your eyes are fixed on the ground when his black boots enter your field of vision and stop in front of you. 

You hold your breath.

“She comes from a lesser establishment. I am not sure she would be suitable for someone of your stature, Grand Admiral. She is still quite inexperienced and not up to the standards of the House yet.” the Matriarch warns him.

He takes your wrist delicately. 

His skin is so warm…

He deeply breathes in your scent and you regret not putting on perfume today, after a long day of work your musk can be significant.

He freezes completely.

You purse your lips. You just hope he won’t make any comment.

He breathes in again like to be sure of what he just sniffed.

His hand grazes the back of your head and forces you to tilt your head and expose your neck gently. He leans forward, his warm breath blowing on the skin of your neck, deeply inhaling again. He then parts from you, his fingers sliding under your chin to force you to meet his gaze.

He’s handsome. With delicate and haughty features, an assured gaze and a massive stature. Despite your better judgment your eyes meet and you immediately get lost in them. They are wonderful, like jewels…

“This one.” He just says and leaves immediately, letting you dumbfounded and arms dangling.

Your friend hugs you with a laugh as you catch back your breath. 

“Well hurry up, (y/n)! Don’t keep him waiting, go prepare yourself!” The Matriarch chides you curtly.

You run back to your garret, passing on the dress reserved to your clients. You quickly comb your hair again and brush your teeth.

“Maker, hurry up!” The Matriarch shouts again.

You exit your room and she seizes your arm to push you through the corridors of the house. She guides you towards the biggest suite of the establishment, and looks terribly nervous. Arriving in front of the door, she picks specks of dust of your dress, flattening the fabric and checking your hairstyle 

“Listen, this is a Grand Admiral, you must please him and bring fortune to the House. This is an incredible opportunity, so be nice, be obedient and don’t forget to smile and thank him for whatever he does.”

She then knocks on the door and pushes you inside.He’s sitting on a comfortable armchair, a glass of wine in his hand, looking at you. You immediately kneel.

“Sir.” You lower your head in submission.

You hear him snarl as he sips his wine.

“Stand up and raise your head.” 

You obey. Your eyes meet again and you feel inextricably called by them. They are so beautiful…

“Approach.” He says softly, extending his hand to you.

You walk up to him and take his hand, his thumb brushes the back of yours and he inhales your scent again with a satisfied grin. You let him do it, a bit curious.

“What are you doing, sir?��� You ask, trying to understand.

“I scent your pheromones.” He just answers casually, like it is a mundane occurrence.

You frown, his nose is very human-like, can it really pick up pheromones? He must have different olfactory receivers than yours.

“I am sorry, I did not have time to put on perfume.” You explain.

“That is quite well. It would have twisted my reading.” He tenderly kisses your hand.

You shift your weight, a bit troubled. You are not used to “nice” clients, they rarely make any efforts towards the girls they purchase. They prefer an obedient, silent girl and don’t embarrass themself with courtesy.

“And what are you reading?” You ask lowly, like a dirty secret, remembering your job.

“Exactly what I was searching for. My Von'ot.” His thumb keeps brushing your hand so tenderly it embarrasses you.

You smile with your best doe eyes and sit on his laps, letting the cut of your dress reveal your thighs to his gaze. You kiss the back of his hand and place it on the warm flesh of your thighs, inviting him to caress and explore your skin like a good prostitute would but his hand remains unmoving.

“And what is your Vonotte?” You ask with your temptress voice.

“Von'ot.”

“Yes, Vonotte.”

“No, it is pronounced : Von'ot.” 

You wince.

“That’s what I said: Vonot!”

He shakes his head with an amused expression.

“This is not quite right, you must pronounce : Von'ot.”

You purse your lips. He was supposed to focus on your sexy voice and disposition, not how to pronounce a word!

“Well, whatever it is pronounced, what is it?” You flatter him.

Always showing interest in what the client says, whatever he says, pretend it is the most fascinating thing you ever heard. You start unbuttoning his collar to gain access to his neck and start kissing it. 

“In Basic you will call it a mate.” He sighs deeply.

You stop. 

You part from him, frowning.

“Like a… friend?” You inquire suspiciously.

“No, dear one.” He grazes your cheek with his knuckles.

Those little physical displays of affection really start to stress you out. Usually you would already be in bed with his cock deep inside you and you would forget about each other the next day. But this…

Like he’s trying to sweeten you.

He’s about to demand something from you, something he was rejected for in the other Brothels, something so ignominious no other harlots would do it.

It’s always like that with non-human clients…

You look at him with heavy suspicion, holding your breath.

“Like a sex partner for life. A soul twin, a companion in life.” He explains.

Your frowns deepen. You are so suspicious now.

“I came here to find my other half.” He keeps caressing your cheek with some fondness in his eyes.

You are fully creeped out.

“What do you mean?”

“I propose you to buy your contract to your Matriarch and take you from this life of prostitution and uncertainty.”

All your nerves are on fire. Is this some kind of sick joke? Luring an escape to a desperate woman to mock her?

“You are not believing me.” He simply adds.

“You will understand it is quite hard to believe such a thing.” You just respond between your teeth.

Is it rich people's humor? A thing you’re too poor to understand? Coming all back there and having a laugh at people’s misery?

“I admit it, but I am genuine in my offer.” 

You stand off his laps and take some steps in the suite, hugging yourself.

“Why would you do that in the first place?” You mumble

“Because I want my mate at my side at all times, to live with her, to enjoy her presence and revel in what she has to offer.” He patiently explains, slouched on the seat like a king.

“What would make you think a human prostitute could be a proper mate to your species? Humans don’t have mates.”

“Your pheromones indicate you are compatible with me. Perhaps it will not work out, but I am willing to try, the question is : are you?” 

“That’s…” You bite your cheek “That is a lot to take in.”

“I understand it.”

“What if I say no?”

“I will leave you be and search for someone else compatible with me.” He takes a sip of his drink.

You bite your thumb. If you say no, someone else will be saved and you could say goodbye to your only chance to leave this life. The offer is tempting, but could you trust him? He’s a soldier after all, you give them little credits.

“I don’t even know you.” You counter “How could I trust you? Maybe you’re a psychopath in search of its next victim.”

“I admit you can give little to no credit to my story.” He raises from his seat without pressing himself “But you should find intel on my personhood on the holonet quite easily. It should paint you a broad portrait of who I am.” He slips right behind you and you feel his warm hands pressed on your arms, very gently, caressing your soft skin. “But you might be more interested in who I am in private…” He murmurs so softly in your ear, you feel his warm breath grazing your thin skin, making you shiver.

You spin on yourself towards him suddenly, taking him aback.

“Alright, and how would it go exactly?” You inquire.

You are terribly tempted, it is a unique chance, your ticket out of hell, but you should make sure you won’t end up in another one.

“You would live with me on my ship or my Corusantian apartment when on leave, you would cater to my needs. All your own needs will be taken care of, as your expenses. You will have your own room and privacy, manage your own money, you will be free to follow your own career and spend time with who you want. You will pretty much be a free woman.”

“Pretty much?”

“You will be tied to me for life.” 

You bite down your nail again, mind speeding. 

“And those needs I should cater to, what are they precisely?” You investigate.

“Primarily my sexual needs. But I also research a partner in life, a comforting and friendly presence-”

“Oh, you want a sex friend.” You understand suddenly.

He seems to wince a bit at this mention.

“If that is how you humans call them. Do those “sex friends” share a soul bond with their companions?”

“Maybe not.” You admit.

“Understand that I search for a partner for life, it is not a light decision.” He explains.

You think about it for a minute before asking.

“Let’s pretend I accept, we share a bond, yadda, yadda, yadda… What would happen if I fall in love with someone else?”

“Usually mates fall in love with each other.”

“Probably, but we humans don’t operate like that. So how would it go? Would I be free enough to pursue them? Will you chain me to you?”

“In theory, it could happen, indeed.” He reflects “I would not refrain you from sentimental fulfillment with another person, you should just make sure that they are okay with you having sex and sharing a deep bound with me.”

“And what if I invite them to the bedroom with us?” You half-jokingly ask.

“I would oppose that idea.” He shakes his head “I will not tolerate to share intimacy with another person than my mate.”

You purse your lips. Having a romantic life is forbidden in the prostitute district, and without being overly romantic yourself you always dreamed of finding your own love, your beloved, your sweetheart.

“So, in your package deal we ultimately fall for each other?”

“Am I that displeasing to your eyes?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

“No!” You temper. “No. It’s just that it severely limits the options.”

It’s true, he’s a very handsome man, you won’t be against falling in love with him theoretically, but you don’t know what the future holds.

He holds his chin, like he is pondering the circumstances.

“Hmmm. I suppose you are right. I always thought I would fall in love with my Von'ot, but if I choose a human, maybe we could make an exception. Even if I doubt it will ever happen, accepting the bond is quite a soul changing experience.”

You lick your teeth, lost in your thoughts. 

What do you have to lose at that point? It would be crazy to accept, but it would be as crazy to not take that chance and slowly die in that district.

“Are there other things I should be aware of beforehand?” 

“My species goes through heat and rut cycles, that is why we need compatible mating partners. Ultimately, those natural processes for the goal to produce an heir, therefore I would most probably ask you to bear my child, is that acceptable to you?”

You always wanted a baby.

Not now tho, you’re way too young for motherhood.

“The question should be : do you mind them being interspecie?” you demand “I think that would be the problem for you.”

“ I do not mind in the slightest.”

“Then I think I’m cool with it too. Just not now, I am not ready to be a mother.”

“I understand perfectly. I myself am not ready to start a family.” He nods his head. “My kind also has some kind of… exotic features compared to you humans. You should be aware of that.”

You shrug, you’ve crossed paths with so many aliens, nothing can surprise you no more.

“I should be able to manage.” 

“Is that a yes, then?”

You inhale deeply.

“Yes. I accept.”  

The die is cast.

“Wonderful. Let us start, then.”

He seizes your face and leans forward to kiss you. By reflex you back down.

Kissing is a no go for prostitute, the only thing you would not do with client, the only intimate act reserved to loved ones. You only kissed once with a young lover in your teen years, before you get enrolled in a brothel.

“But… What are you doing… Sir?” 

He tilts his head.

“I want to kiss you.”

“Didn’t you want to buy my debt from my Matriarch?!” You ask, lost.

“I will, but there are more present matters to attend to right now.” He takes your hand and places it on his groin. It was hidden by the long white jacket but it is swollen and warm to the touch, since when is it hard like that?

“Did you think I would not take you to bed?” He asks, amused by your confusion.

“I lost track of that with the discussion.” 

He gently kisses your temple.

“I want to seal the deal as soon as possible. It has been years since I started searching for you. So many places visited, but you were not there.” He peppers kisses and pecks all over your face, your cheeks, your forehead, your nose. “You really made yourself desired.” 

“I am sorry?” 

“It is quite good. You are here, finally. And I cannot wait to tie myself to you, feeling whole for the first time in my life.”

He leans forward again and you evade him by instinct.

“Is something wrong?” He asks, puzzled

“No…. I mean, it’s just… Kissing is the only intimate act we reserve for our true lover.” You explain.

He considers you in silence for a minute.

“You are not a prostitute anymore. You are a free woman, free to love whoever you want, and kiss whoever you want.” He says, like it resolves years of conditioning.

“I guess, it’s just… I have to get used to it.”

“Let me put it this way : Do you give me the permission to kiss you?”

You look into his eyes, they are so clear and assertive… They’re beautiful fireballs illuminating the dim room. He’s so gorgeous, so handsome, so soft and gentle… But you want to be sure, is he gonna keep true to his words if he doesn’t get what he wants? Is he gonna respect your consent?

“I would rather we wait.” You admit.

He takes back your hand and kisses the back.

“Then we will wait, dear one.”

“What will happen if you get in a rut and I’m still not ready?” You investigate.

“I will take care of everything myself like I used to all these years.”

“Thank you…” You let out in a breath.

“Thank you.” He takes back his coat and put it on. “Follow me, we are going to see your employer.”

He doesn’t take you to bed?

“We are not gonna do it?” You ask perplexed.

He shakes his head slightly.

“No. If you are not ready to kiss me, you are not ready to have me in bed.”

He extends his hand to you with a soft smile, waiting for you. You consider his blue palm, it looks so soft and inviting…

You take it and he squeezes your hand.

“Let us go from this place.” He says, eyes already focused on the future.

You look at them enthralled.

And realize you can’t wait for the day he can kiss you.

@bluechiss @thrawnalani @justanothersadperson93 @al-astakbar @thrawnspetgoose @readinglistfics @elise2174 @debonaire-princess @twilekchiss @pencil-urchin @ineedazeezee @mssbridgerton @dance-like-russia-isnt-watching

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[gingerlurk]

Binding

Din Djarin x f!Reader

A Lovers' Crest one-shot (in three parts). Complete on A03.

Here's the LC Masterlist.

Summary: It was the hardest time of your life, those six months separated from Din Djarin. And when you and the Mandalorian had reunited amid passion and a promise of always, you'd wanted nothing more than to leave that wretched, lonely period behind. You should know by now your past will always have other ideas. This galaxy just isn’t gods damn big enough for all your missteps. And a chance encounter is going to test your bonds whether you want it to or not.

[Or, the characters from Lovers' Crest have a little post-story adventure! Could be read standalone, if below warnings are noted, but probably more enjoyable if you've read the whole thing.]

Word count: This chapter: 6kish. Total: 19.5kish.

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, smut: unprotected piv (be safe), multiple Os, creampie, breath play, established relationship. Also, lots of action, characters in peril, bug/insect/creepy-crawlies imagery, discussion/descriptions of a slave colony (SW/sci-fi style), non-canon planet, lots of being non-canon in general, teeny tiny reference to Reader with someone else, thus jealous!Din makes an appearance. The next chapter is a little rowdy and there'll be warnings there. Please let me know if there's more to add I am rusty.

A/N: Hiiii. So yes, these are the characters from Lovers’ Crest. Just coz they insist on continuing to live on in my head, having adventures. And I thought it’d be fun to explore a dangling thread of plot I’d just left there to… dangle. (Chapter 16: The Bounty Hunter, for reference.)

This came about when a certain little unaired pilot took us fans of the man by surprise back in… September? And a certain gif set burrowed into my psyche and would not leave. This is the result.

And honestly? Bit off more than I could chew for a while there. It does say one-shot, but this is a three-parter. Also, fully admit I’ve been a touch lazy with parts of it. Goes with the territory.

--

Part I

The cave is dank. The air putrid with the smell of stagnant water and mildew. 

Din Djarin makes sweeps with his scanner array as he walks through the gloom. From one side of the passage, across the jagged roof of the rocky ingress, to the other. Every surface drips liquid in a constant pat, pat, pat. He does his best to ignore it falling on his helmet and shoulders, soaking through his cloak, along with the clammy sensations gathering on his skin under all the armour.

This tunnel is among a matrix of caves spiderwebbing up and out from an aquifer that penetrates deep into the crust of this small planet. It’s the only source of water around, which is why the facility where the target awaits was built right over the top of it. The factory pumps the precious resource and draws all moisture from the surrounding terrain, leaving it dusty and barren.

Down here though, Din would kill for something dry. 

You crinkle your nose and look across to him.

‘Well this is miserable,’ you pout, holding your hood forward to keep the drops out of your face.

He shrugs. ‘Your idea,’ he replies, stepping over a particularly deep puddle. ‘Your “debt”.’

It’s a petty description; he’s being petty. He knows it. He doesn’t want to be. Doesn’t want to be feeling this jagged edge of jealousy pricking at his mind either. Knows he shouldn’t. That it’s unfair. But it’s making itself known whether he wants it to or not.

‘Ouch,’ you murmur, stare head on again and continue to walk. He sighs.

‘Sorry,’ he says, reaching over to nudge a loose strand of hair into your hood. You let him, but don’t engage further. He sighs again.

‘Patu,’ Grogu inputs. The child drifts closer to the two of you in his pod, peering ahead. He doesn’t often use the little transport device these days, but something about this job had agitated the young one and Din had suggested the pod to try to ease his nerves. Grogu had accepted the idea with a grunt of appreciation.

‘It’s alright, kiddo,’ you’re saying. ‘We’re alright.’

He gives a nervous chirp as the path forward grows darker. Three beams of light stab at the eerie grey atmosphere – one emitting from Din’s helmet, one from the little device on your shoulder, and one from the headlamp of Grogu’s pod. Your shadows dance across the walls as your group makes its way through the dark.

The damp path you’re on burrows into the maintenance shafts of the vast power plant that is the destination. Once inside, it’ll be a matter of tracking the target with the makeshift fob you had – quite cleverly – devised with the limited intel Din had gleaned. 

As a fresh whiff of stink hits his nose, he gives thanks there’s not much further to go. But just as the thought occurs, the sensors in his helmet pick up the ground ahead dropping away into a sheer cliff. He puts an arm out to signal for Grogu to hang back as you and he approach the edge.

‘Dank farrik,’ he mutters. ‘That wasn’t on the Crest’s scan.’

‘Rock must have been too deep to pick it up,’ you reason, shuffling closer to peer over the ledge to the pitch black below. ‘Or maybe it’s new? Is there seismic activity here? Can’t see how far down it goes. Or how far across.’

‘Well, let’s scope it out,’ Din begins to engage his jetpack, reaches an arm for you. ‘C’mere—’

He’s drowned out by a deafening noise that fills the rocky space and grows louder and closer within seconds. From across the chasm you’d just been contemplating, two huge shadows emerge from the dark to make a rapid approach. You and Din waste a crucial second to look at each other in alarm. Then they’re on you.

Din is cannonballed backwards by a massive black thing buzzing angrily. It slams him into the wall with a grunt. You shout his name just as a second insectoid monster whizzes overhead, careening off a large stalagmite to turn back and make at you with a mad hiss. You duck into a tumble to dodge its charge and it shrieks in fury as it sails past. The one on Din clacks mandibles in his face. He grabs hold of them and yanks, dragging them apart. The screeching intensifies until his flamethrower unloads into it and it drops to the ground twitching.

He has enough time to stand up and assess the scene before three more are accosting your party. One bursts into sticky bits as Grogu sweeps a tensed claw across himself, eyes closed and channelling his Force powers. 

The creature that had missed its attack on you collides with the second incoming and they wobble about in the void. The third is headed straight for you. 

Panic seizes Din’s chest. He doesn’t have time to reach you. But you’re standing tall, torch beam trained on the monster and a vibroblade readied in a fist. At the perfect moment, you twist side on so it barrels by and the blade makes a wide arc to find a home somewhere near its head.

The thing goes berserk, flipping onto its back while screaming and thrashing. Disgust on your face, you draw your blaster and unload into it. Once, twice, three times. In the time it takes, Din has crossed the space to treat it to a thorough roasting, reducing it to a spasming mess.  

‘What the f—’ Before you can finish, the pair that had collided shoot upwards over the ledge, clearing your heads.  

One just bashes straight into the granite ceiling, stunning itself and crashing to the ground by you. You drag your blade free of the dead one and rend a long slash along it, carving the carapace like covering clean off. It screams until it stills.

Din’s attention is on the final creature, which isn’t so clumsy. Corkscrewing in the air to orient itself, it spies a target and whizzes straight for it. Straight for the child.

He jabs at his vambrace and the pod strafes, swinging Grogu out of the thing’s trajectory. It had been moving so fast it ricochets off the wall with force. Tumbling backwards. And, no.

It slams into you, catching you by surprise and sending you with a scream over the edge into the chasm below.

‘Grogu!’ Din yells. The child already has arms up and eyes shut. Your cry of terror cuts to a string of ‘oh gods, oh my gods, oh shit, oh shit’ as he uses his powers to arrest your descent.

A spike of adrenaline surges in Din and the disoriented bug is snatched from the air with a hiss of whipcord. It gets reefed backward and ripped in half by the incensed Mandalorian.

Dropping the gory black pieces, he scrambles to the drop-off and leans over. You’re in midair, looking up at him with eyes wide and arms and feet dangling.

‘Holy shit!’ you yell. ‘Grogu! Good job!’ 

‘Are you okay?’ Din strains to keep his voice calm.

‘Uh, yeah...’ you twist to look over your shoulder. ‘I think it’s water at the bottom. Not sure how deep though. But if Grogu can let me down easy it’ll be—’

‘He’s got you,’ he calls back. He looks to his son, who is trembling with concentration, then back to you as you start to rise toward him. The panic eases a little.

‘Oh,’ you say. ‘Wow. This is... this feels weird.’

Din raises a forearm to ready his whipcord again. He’s about to launch it down to give you some stability when something hard wraps around his ankles. He hears a clank and feels a pull. He’s tugged onto his front and dragged backwards, away from the ledge. Past his son, whose eyes pop open to watch him go with a panicked ‘EH!’

He hears you scream again, followed by a huge splash. Some kind of heavy door snaps between him and the scene. He’s in total darkness. A sharp jab into his neck and he’s lights out.

One day ago

The Razor Crest is docked and resting. Grogu as well, cosy in his little hatch, slumbers deep. There is nothing and nobody around to hear the soft moans and dulcet praises drifting out of the cabin.

Din has had you spread across his lap for an eternity, massaging your ass and encouraging the rocking and swaying motions to work yourself on him. He stays deep so your clit grinds against his pelvis, so the head of his cock kisses your cervix.

Your mouths have barely parted, unable to get enough of lips and tongue sliding together. Sometimes kissing, sometimes just panting and pressing and playing. You can still taste your juices there, from when he had pleasured you until you were begging to have him inside you. 

The orgasm now approaching with steady rotations of your hips is the third since straddling him, though you’d not bothered counting quite a few before that. There was no point, really. Din had lately discovered a stamina that awed you – though he had insisted it was just the natural result of having ‘your beautiful, perfect body, mesh’la,’ in which to indulge.

Hands buried in his dark curls, you smile and sigh as a gentle, warm bliss spreads over you. 

‘Mmm, that was a soft one, was it?’ he hums against your cupid’s bow. ‘Only just felt it, love.’

‘Mmhm,’ you murmur back. ‘Felt good. Think I’m just getting all oversensitive now.’

You know better than to suggest wrapping up the session, to try to lay him back and ride him to completion. Know by now to let him give and give until he’s ready to accept. So you wait.

He presses his forehead to yours and considers.

‘Shall we try something new?’ he asks. You pull back to look at him. Your face is questioning, curious. Trying to think what he may mean by that. His brown eyes glimmer in the low light, warm depths that you can lose yourself in over and over. If you had it your way, you’d sink into them and never surface again.

‘Something new,’ you say. ‘Like what?’

He eases himself from you, lifting you from his lap and you whine a tiny ‘noooo’ at the sloppy sucking sounds of your parting. After so long feeling full and stretched, the emptiness is palpable. 

‘Ssh, mesh’la,’ he coos. ‘Hush, trust me?’

‘Of course,’ you say, but still antsy. Feeling yourself drip with need. You let him guide you onto your hands and knees. He settles behind you, lets his stiff cock rest at the top of your ass.

‘Tell me if you don’t want to do this,’ he says, waits for acknowledgement – a nod of the head – before sweeping covetous hands over your lower back and ass. ‘I’ve been reading,’ he goes on in a husky drawl.

It’s such an odd statement you huff through your nose, look around. ‘Oh?’

‘Mmhm,’ he says. ‘A tome on the… pleasures of the flesh, I guess.’

You smirk, swipe a thirsty lick over your lower lip and regard him. ‘Din Djarin,’ you say with mirth. ‘Have you been reading smut?’

He gives you a low chuckle that you feel dance down your spine and swirl in your lower belly. The sensation is intensified when you see a hint of blush creep onto his features.

‘Not exactly , cyar’ika, love,’ he says. ‘More a guide. It suggested that a little added pressure, applied right, can heighten the um, the intensity at climax.’

He bends forward, braces an arm so he’s hunched over you, crowding you. Stomach pressed flush to your back and his hardness sandwiched between you. The other arm glides along your hips, skirts your waist and snakes across your ribs, between your breasts. A light forefinger taps the hollow dip at the base of your throat. It sweeps a smile-like shape from one ear to the other.

‘Here,’ he whispers. ‘Applied here. What do you think?’ The wandering digit is joined by the rest of his huge hand, which takes a gentle hold, barely touching.

The longer your pussy has been empty and untouched, the more it throbs and leaks. But your senses have indeed channelled a direct line to the feel of his hand there, can’t help but imagine what it’d be like to have him tighten his hold, push in, hold your life between the press of skin.

So you nod, the underside of your jaw and chin brushing against his hovering hand.

He rumbles in affirmative praise. ‘Thank you, cyar’ika,’ he whispers against your shoulder. You wait for him to move, to press in and start restricting your breath. But he shifts his hand down to press flat to your sternum instead. A petulant little whine turns to a gasp as your hauled up. Straightened at the waist so you and he are pressed together staring into the mirror hanging at the head of your bed.

Din had installed it at your request not long ago. You’d said it would make the cabin feel bigger. And it did. Though he didn’t much care about that and was quick to find other means for its use. Finding that he rather loved to make you watch yourself get fucked senseless. 

You found yourself just fine with that too.

In the reflective surface, he locks gazes with you. You melt back against him.

‘So, we’re gonna take it slow,’ he says. You’ve no doubt. He’s an expert in patience when it comes to drawing pleasure out of you. The warm hand rests on your chest, forefinger on one collarbone, firm thumb on the other. Each receive another light tap before the hand moves back to the column of your throat. Comes to rest so those digits settle at the underside of your jaw, below your ears. No pressure yet. 

He watches your face in the reflection, raises both brows in question, ‘do I keep going?’ he silently asks. 

Nodding again, you nearly whimper as he still doesn’t move. Seems instead to be considering something of great import. After a torturous beat in which you’re on the verge of opening your mouth and begging, he lifts the other arm. It had been resting on your hip but now it moves to take up one of your wrists and guides it up. Wraps your fingers around the forearm resting at your breast.

‘Hold onto me, here,’ he rasps, close to your ear. ‘Let go if I should stop, okay?’

That’s it. You’re begging.

‘Yes, Din, yes, okay, but please please please, I need, ah!’

There it is. The hand at your neck finds the two perfect spots on either side and squeezes. It’s amazing how quickly your body reacts. Hands tingle with the errant sensation. Heart rate picks up and delivers static bursts against your ribs. Your thighs are quivering and your belly draws in to hug around the wanton desire at your core.

Torn between clenching your eyes shut to lose yourself in the feeling and wanting to see Din’s face, you make the effort to lock eyes with him. A pitch-dark, heated gaze flicks to and fro across your face and body. Locked in furious concentration as he stares at you in the mirror. But eventually, you have to let your eyelids drop and loll your head onto his hard shoulder, drunk on lust and want.

‘There,’ Din sighs in satisfaction. He eases off for a little, lets you suck in air. He reaches up to cradle your cheek, where blood rushes to burn you up. At your sublime smile and glassy-eyed stare, he moves back down, smooths over your jaw, finds his place and tightens in again. ‘Now, let’s see…’

His free hand moves to your breasts and, as your head swims with airy pleasure, pinches a tingling nipple. It’s like an electric shock and you arch your back against him, keen with a delirious kind of desperation. The intensity of it a measure of magnitude more than you’ve ever felt. Fingernails dig hard into his forearm as he works the bud – every tug and tweak eliciting a burst of sensation in your pulsing sex.

Oh, gods. What it will feel like when he finally touches you there. The thought alone is almost enough to bring you crashing over the edge. But no, he holds you on the precipice, watching your face while his two hands play you like a fine-tuned instrument. He knows just when to ease back, let you draw breath, and he knows just when you want more, gives it to you, over and over.

Right at the moment you feel you might scream – your clit now on the verge of an eruption set to tear you apart – both massive hands move. You moan with abandon as oxygen rushes back through your body, now overtaken with the vivid, buzzing waves of your approaching high. Din grips your hips, draws back to angle himself at your entrance. You’re babbling, yes, yes, ah, please, please, please, as he slides in, your juices letting his cock take and stretch that space within that is made for him. 

He’s going in slow, inch by agonising inch, eking all he can from the movement, hissing and snarling with satisfaction. But you’re unable to hold yourself up, overcome and overwrought, and flop forward – only just catch yourself on an outstretched forearm. The angle forces him to bottom out in a snap of your ass to his hips and he lets out an almost pained grunt.

‘Oh, fuck,’ he spits. ‘Fuck, you’re perfect. Fuck, you feel so good.’

‘More Din,’ you beg. ‘Please, I want more.’

You’re a burning wick, shimmering and melting all over. All you need is for Din to replace his hand at your throat and move and you’ll—

He doesn’t hold back, throws the whole candle into the flames that lash and hiss at your lower belly and spine. Din cages you into his hunched form again, seizes your neck with one hand, grips your thigh with the other, and begins to fuck you hard and fast, pressing everything from your mind but the glistening, dazzling climax roaring toward you.

His thrusts are perfect inside you, finding the spots that sizzle with the friction. The force of his hips hitting your behind intensifies the tightness at your throat and you feel every bit of it your body bowing into the line between the two. His grunts and pants of effort feel louder, closer, inside. 

The hand you’d had holding onto him falls away to hit the mattress with a thud. He releases his grip. His questioning, ‘Okay?’ is drowned out by your cry of, ‘So close!’ and the fingers that had been restraining you shift down your body, find your bundle of nerves, apply just the right pressure, and—

Oh sweet GODS!

It’s not just one rush of exquisite release, it’s rippling waves like a tide pool filling up. Pouring into you and coursing across your body again and again. You grip the bed covers like you might fall and let the whine that had settled in your throat crawl up and escape as a low moan – all you’re capable of. All you can do as it peaks, and peaks, and peaks.

‘Uh, gods, shit,’ he gasps. The hand on your thigh leaves and you know he’s squeezing the base of his dick hard right now. Edging himself to withstand what must be an exquisite feeling of your cunt spasming on him over and over.

But oh gods, holy fuck. You’re done. You’re spent. You have to tap out.

Reaching an arm to bury fingers in his hair and hold his head to your shoulder, you plead, ‘Please, Din. Please, want to feel you. Want to feel you cum.’

He accepts. He lets himself take it. Your cunt is a mould for his throbbing shaft, cast to bring him to nirvana with you. He bucks into you so hard, your whole body gives out, flattens to the mattress and he follows you down, dropping his hips into you at a pace so frenzied – in such contrast to the patience and precision of before – it sets the sparks going inside you again. Your body can’t help but wring another shattering release out of you and, at the feeling of you clenching hot around him, Din lets go.

‘Fuh, gods,’ he cranes his head to pant into your welcoming mouth. ‘Uh, fff- shh, huh, cuhhh- cumming.'

His groan sticks in his throat but his cock finds the very depths of you and spills his seed there, fills you and nurtures you. His mouth stays on yours and, as he rides out his high, starts to kiss you long and slow and deliberate while you each shift back into reality.

A sigh of, ‘I love you,’ slips into the air between you. And the responding, ‘Oh, so fucking much,’ dances in the breaths shared between your locked gazes and dazed smiles.

By the time you’re both showered and dressed again, Grogu is awake and making impatient cooing and burbling noises in his space.

‘That kid’s always hungry,’ you say, at the exact moment your stomach chooses to let rip a hollowed-out grumble of its own. Din smiles at your sheepish look.

‘You wanna head out?’ he asks. ‘Get a hot meal?’ 

‘Sounds amazing,’ you say, handing him his helmet and leaning up for a kiss. A thorough, deep kiss that – despite the past few hours leaving you about as sated as you think it’s possible to ever be – lights a renewed fire under you all over again.

You’re in real trouble.

It’s less a matter of finding it difficult to choose, and more about the fact you want to try it all. This bustling interchange hub had, over time, attracted purveyors of delicacies from across the galaxy. And it all looked delicious.

Adding to the challenge, the market is massive. Passing vendor after vendor, you get to the end of a row of stalls to find a whole new city block full of enticing smells and eye-catching dishes.

‘Din,’ you lean to him, lay a hand to the arm carrying the child. ‘I think I need to spend a month here. Eating everything.’

He chuckles, a warm rumble from his helmet. ‘We’ll definitely come back, that’s for sure. Why don’t you get the—’ But he’s distracted by Grogu having got hold of some kind of steamed bun, munching on it with a gleeful purr. ‘Hey, where did you get that?’

The two of you check the surrounds, trying to spot the stallholder selling the buns so you can slink over and pay for the kid’s sticky-fingered snack. Din focuses one way and you look the other, tracking over colourful signs and animated faces of all shapes and sizes. You’re about to turn back to report nil sightings when your eyes land on a familiar face and you freeze. Not a stallholder. You swallow as that ravenous appetite from before fades into a solid pit in your gut.

You make one futile attempt to duck out of view, to avoid this and stage a retreat. But it’s too late. You’ve been spotted. So, with reluctance, you slink over to an entirely different source of debt from a slightly less recent past. 

Gaius straightens from the bollard they’d been leaning against. 

‘Hey,’ they say, soft and easy. You eye them as you come to stand level. Looking for any anger or resentment. Any malice or indignation. It’d be fair enough. You had promised them you were one job from settling said debt when you’d up and disappeared along with the rest of the Guild. It wasn’t exactly your fault of course. But the pilot – who’d looked out for you and transported you all over the fade quadrant without question for several months – didn’t know that. 

They had every right to be furious that you’d skipped out on what you owed.

But they seem... relaxed? Greeting you like an old friend.

‘Hhhhi,’ you say with a dumb little wave. ‘Gaius.’

‘You’re a sight,’ they say. There’s something in their tone, like you’re just a vision. A mirage shifting in and out of existence. 

‘Listen,’ you start. ‘I’m really sorry about—’ But you’re stopped by a hand raised and a shaking head.

‘I heard,’ Gaius says. ‘I heard about the Guild up and shipping off to some Imperial invasion or other. Glad to see you’re alright, at least.’

‘Yeah,’ you kick a boot and pop hands in pockets, like a little kid caught sneaking off. ‘That was… I…’ 

Gaius is looking at you with a small, amused smirk. But the expression drops to a slacked jawed awe as Din takes that moment to step up to stand beside you. You’ve seen it plenty of times now. Were now used to strangers openly staring at your partner. Strangers who’d make no effort to hide the fascination and amazement when confronted with the statuesque wonderment that is Din Djarin. 

But this is no stranger. 

Gaaaah, ripping this plaster off is going to hurt.

‘Mando,’ you say, with an arm raised, ‘This is Gaius. We met, uh- we met while I was… away.’ The arm sweeps between the two of them. ‘Gaius, Mando. And this is Grogu.’ The kid has yet another fresh steamed bun and he waves it around while burbling with content.

The two adults regard each other. You stand between them, feeling wretched. After a beat, Gaius seems to make a decision. They turn to you.

‘Well hey, if you are still looking to settle that debt,’ they say. You wince as you hear a whisper quiet ‘debt?’ from the man beside you. ‘I have a job in mind that would put you free and clear. You are still working bounties, right?’

With raised eyebrows and palms out, held up, they wait.

Shhhhhit, you think. This is going to suck. Let out a sigh and a shrug.

‘How about we start with, I buy you a drink?’

Gaius grins, and nods.

Shit.

‘So,’ Gaius says, at ease with elbows propped on the booth’s table. You’re already cringing. ‘You two together then?’

You twitch on the bench seating, twist a drink around by its base. Gods, you’d managed to make things so awkward.

‘Yeah,’ you say. ‘Very much so.’

They nod, jut out their chin in contemplation. Could they just drop it and tell you want they want from you, already?

‘That who you were running from?’ they prod. ‘When you were with me?’

Your eyes dart over to Din, wary of how he’s going to learn about what transpired in those long, desperate months apart. You’re now really wishing that you’d talked about it. The barest details at least. But he had never asked and you had wanted nothing more than to just move on. Take the lessons learned and move forward.

Apparently you hadn’t learnt enough. You should know by now your past will always have other ideas. This galaxy just isn’t gods damn big enough for all your missteps.

Fortunately for the moment, Din is on the other side of the bar getting distracted by Grogu trying to steal an irate patron’s plate of ribs.

You look back to Gaius.

‘First of all,’ you say. ‘I wasn’t with you, okay? We were working together.’ They raise a brow, an unnecessary clarification. ‘And that was one time. Could we please not--’ Gaius straightens with a flick of the eyes to the side, tipping you off that Din and Grogu are approaching. You clam up.

The two of them take their seats. Din slides into the booth beside you and the kid just plants his butt on the table, gnawing on a meaty bone. His father shrugs. ‘Paid the guy a couple credits,’ he explains.

You shift in your seat again.

‘So what’s the deal?’ he asks.

‘We haven’t gotten to that yet,’ Gaius says. ‘We were just catching up.’

You pull an annoyed face at them. 

‘Okay,’ Din says. Goes quiet.

You scull your drink. Immediately regret it, the strong flavour making your vision swim. 

‘We were just getting to it,’ you burp. You can sense the puzzlement flowing off the man sitting beside you, try to get your breathing under control. ‘If you wouldn’t mind,’ you say, with a wave to the table companion across from you.

Gaius takes a drink of their own and sets shoulders back, draws a deep breath.

‘Right, okay, so... Sorry, it’s hard to know where to start with all this.’

Noticing a slight tremor has crept into their hands, you lean forward. ‘Start anywhere, we’ve got time,’ you say, as soft as you can. Try for a reassuring expression.

You get a grateful nod in return.

‘Okay. So I’m from a planet called Evalon,’ they plough on. ‘If you’ve heard of it?’

You shake your head as Din gives one solid nod. 

‘Right,’ Gaius focuses on Din. ‘So you know that it’s a…’

‘Slave planet,’ he finishes when they trail off. You startle, look back across the table at the pilot with whom you’d briefly travelled. A tug on your heart. You’d had no idea.

‘Sure, yeah,’ they don’t give you a chance to dispense any sympathies though, pushing on in a rush. ‘Used to be just a whole colony of the indentured… But it’s a little different now…’

Over the foamy liquid of the drink you’d bought, Gaius tells a story that brings a dawning horror upon you. Slips icy daggers between your ribs. Settles a profound dread within you as vast and as wide as the greatest oceans.

A generation ago, the people of Evalon revolted. Rose up and tried to end the awful system that kept them in perpetual servitude. Tried to fight off the brutal company of droids that had kept them under the thumb of a faceless regime. They had failed. As punishment, a new system was introduced. A new piece of tech created that, as you sit there and listen, makes the primal lizard part of your brain lurch in terror. 

Mind control.

‘They call it binding,’ Gaius says, and you’re awash with gooseflesh. ‘It suppresses all independent cognitive functioning, hacks into neural links that obey without question.’

Under the renewed tyranny, children were implanted with the device and sent off to toil away. There was minimal need for security because they were no flight risk, docile and programmed to follow a set path, a known routine. And the droids that once guarded them were decommissioned down to a skeleton crew.

The adults were cast out to live in squalor and decay on the outside. Neutered and powerless. Unable to rise up again lest their children be harmed, or worse. They were all and one trapped in an evil psychological vice.

‘Why just the kids?’ you ask. ‘Why not chip everyone and make them all work?’

Gaius smiles at you sadly. ‘Pragmatic as ever, you are,’ they say. You realise how insensitive your comment was, kick yourself and mumble out an apology, that wasn’t what you meant... Sorr-- But they shake their head. ‘No, it’s a valid question, and the answer is important.’

They explain. Though a terrifying and unprecedented feat of ingenuity, the tech isn’t perfect. Its effectiveness has a half-life in a fully formed frontal cortex. Once of a certain age, it only works for so long before the subject – the enslaved person – can break out of it and act of their own accord.

‘That’s how I got out,’ Gaius says. ‘The birthdate on my chain code was always inaccurate, a quirk of the system when I was born. So I was kept in the ranks for longer than most, and was able to break out. Run away. But…’

Squaring shoulders back and looking you head on, they state the case. The job.

‘My little sister is still there. I think. I hope. And I want you to rescue her.’

The bustle and chatter of the bar filters into the silence that cloaks the table. You’re at war with yourself. You want to know where this Evalon planet is so you can ensure to stay far away from that cursed, horrifying place for all of time. The notion of binding. Of being bound. It sets off every single fear instinct in your body. 

But you can see a sad desperation flickering behind the steady features of the person across from you. So unlike how they were when you worked with them before. It tugs on your heart. This is something they’ve carried too long. Behind a jaded yet sanguine veneer. A horrific past and a deep love still lurking back there.

‘So,’ you say, thankful for your even tone. ‘You want us to go to a slave colony, with mind-control tech, and evil droids, to do a rescue… That’s kind of quite a lot beyond what I’ve left owing, don’t you think?’

‘Hey, I said free and clear,’ Gaius makes an effort to muster some ease, leans back to prop an arm across the booth’s backrest. ‘And let’s say I’ll owe you one, instead.’

‘This isn’t a bounty,’ Din says, startling you a little by speaking up after a long stretch of silence. ‘We don’t do rescues.’

It’s a little cold, and you frown at his composure. 

Gaius sighs. The pretence of relaxation drops and the world-weary traveller rests elbows back on the sticky varnished surface between you. 

‘Look,’ they say. ‘I’ve been trying to buy my sister’s rescue for years. But I lack the… well, I lack everything. And I could never afford the likes of you,’ a gesture at you both. ‘I just, I see an opportunity here. And alls I can say is, please…’ 

They move a hand to a pocket. Beneath the table, you shift an arm to stay Din’s instinctive movement onto a weapon, hoping it was subtle enough that Gaius didn’t notice. They don’t seem to, focused instead on the object they’re drawing out. It’s dropped onto the table and the holo blinks to life.

A small, cherub face winks into existence, rotates in front of you. 

‘She’s older now, of course, but uh…’ they go quiet.

That’s when you give in. Your hand grips the wrist of the Mandalorian beside you, where it still rests on the blaster holstered there. When you feel him move, twining fingers with yours in a silent affirmative, you speak.

‘We’ll do it,’ you say.

Despite the mutual agreement, it’s a palpable awkwardness between you and Din as you ready for the mission. 

At the Mandalorian’s nod, your debtor had followed your clan of three back to the Razor Crest. You’d invited Gaius to take a seat up in the cockpit and explained the ship’s ground security mechanisms. It was clear they needed to join you on this quest to Evalon – the more information in hand about this hellish planet, the better. And you do the best you can to reassure them of their safety before departing to join Din by the weapons locker.

You approach slow, taking in his hackled back and stand-off posture.

Though he shows it rarely, you know what jealousy looks like on him. And right now it’s radiating off him like a piece of steel held too long against the forge. 

Turning it over in your mind, you wonder at the best approach here. What should you tell him? There’s not a lot of time, none at all really. But he’s likely to be drowning in scenarios playing out in his head, so you have to say something. 

He’s undertaking his usual ritual of equipping munitions and weaponry to every limb and every piece of beskar on his body. Blades of various length and utility are taken down and jammed into hidden sheaths with force. He tugs rifle slugs and detonators off the weapons rack like they’ve offended him before clipping them to bandolier and belt. 

Stepping up beside him, you take down your favoured vibroblade, toy with the hilt and look up at his profile. The T visor doesn’t turn your way. 

‘You know,’ you start, feeling out of your depth already. ‘It was hard. Those months apart…’

‘Seems like you got by,’ he murmurs, focused on adjusting a vambrace and glove. 

Ouch. You accept the blow and push on.

‘Din, please,’ you say, holstering the hand weapon and hugging yourself. ‘It was hard. I was just never sure what to tell you about, about it all.’

‘The way they look at you tells me plenty,’ he says, just a hint of a growl behind his words. ‘Flew with them on a lot of jobs, did you?’

‘Psh, I got a hole blown in their ship,’ you scoff, arms dropping and going wide. ‘I was just trying to pay back on the repairs.’

‘Hm.’

An awkward beat of silence as you flounder about what to say next. 

How about…

I was alone and I needed a pilot and they were helpful and let me do what I needed to do. We slept together one time because I was so lonely I thought I might die. I felt worse than ever and then I disappeared on them because I’d joined the Guild and it got hired by the Imps set on destroying your people and I escaped to come find you again and warn you and…

Uh, no. Saying all of that will not be of help right now. 

You think you might just burst into tears. But Din tilts his helm like he’s had a sudden thought and asks, ‘You were paying back on the repairs?’

‘What?’

‘You didn’t just do the repair work yourself?’

Huh, fair question. If something like that ever happened to the Razor Crest, you’d have had the lovely old gunship back in action within the day. None of this ‘paying back on repairs’ business.

‘Wh- no…’ you say. ‘I wasn’t… I was trying to—’

‘Keep your cards close to the chest?’ he finishes – the tiniest, blessed hint of a smile in his voice.

You give him a full grin. ‘Yeah, pretty much. Always used to try to keep that particular skill-set under wraps, before uh-- before I met you… And, and it just wouldn’t have felt right… you know, with another ship…’

Another silence follows. But gentler, more companionable. As Din nears the end of his process, you chance it to lay a hand on his elbow, smooth it over the rough fabric of his flight suit. He lets you, closing up the locker with the other hand.

‘Does it matter how they look at me?’ you say. ‘Isn’t what matters the way I look at you?’

You swallow your sigh of relief as a gloved hand closes over yours, gives it a gentle squeeze.

‘Mm,’ he says. ‘You’re right, I just-- Maybe if you’d told me about them before now…’

‘You didn’t ask… I would’ve if you’d asked. I’ve told you anything you’ve wanted to know, anytime you’ve asked,’ you’re rambling. And losing track of what your intent here was to begin with. 

‘You know all about my past. About my- my old family. But all I’ve ever gotten about yours is the “Narrated History of the Mandalorians”,’ you say, aware of your petulance but unable to stop. Where is this coming from all of a sudden? ‘But what about you? What about your fami—’ He cuts you off by turning to you fully and leaning in.

‘Is this really the time?’ he asks, low and just shy of dangerous again.

Drop it. Drop it now.

‘No, guess not…’

‘Okay then,’ he says. He mounts his jetpack, hands you a blaster pistol and strides to the cockpit ladder. Conversation over. ‘Let’s go pay off your debt.’

--

Quick note on breath play… this story is fantasy, it’s just make-believe, and it feels plausible to me that the characters – via their respective fighting techniques and training – have the knowledge of anatomy and skills around the neck, head and chest area to reduce the risks. But it is risky, and if you do it – do your research first. (Or maybe don’t do it at all?) As with all kinks, education, communication and explicit ongoing consent are key. Thanks for your time. Ily.

Hope you enjoy the read.

[keyofjetwolf]

Gabrielle’s Hope

I have been working on this for months now. Months! Hope was born, became a toddler, and killed a man in less time. I’ve got so many goddamn thoughts about this episode, to the degree that I keep losing all sense of the thing in my efforts to get it all in. This is now the fourth time I’ve scrapped what I had to start fresh, and I am going to make every effort to make sure it’s my last. It may not come out exactly as I hoped, but it’ll be OUT, which is more than I had when I started.

Our sponsor for this Xenafied journey to The Bitter Suite, the infinitely patient @bardofsomerset​, had a few key areas they wanted me to focus on for this episode. I SWEAR MY TEN PAGES OF NOTES AND I ARE GOING TO TRY TO STICK TO THEM.

So without YET MORE delay, let’s get into Gabrielle’s Hope, the most on-the-nose name ever given a supernaturally advanced child fathered by a being of absolute evil.

Before we get into the areas Neet pointed me -- hahahah ALREADY I’M GOING OFF-SCRIPT AMAZING -- I want to take a sec to acknowledge how I always forget this episode exists.

Which is RIDICULOUS. This episode is absolutely critically VITAL, not just for this plotline for our characters. It lays all the emotional groundwork as we round the corner from the old trauma and head toward the new. We establish the beats we’ll revisit for Xena and Gabrielle’s fallout. We get more than enough reason for the audience (and Xena) to question Hope. We have Gabrielle at her most cunning and actively working against Xena which not only gives us Gabby’s state of mind but pre-establishes her capability for the things to come. And then of course there’s the actual plot mechanism that removes Hope from the picture for now so we can thrust her back again when it’s most devastating.

HOPE IS BORN IN THIS EPISODE FOR FUCK’S SAKE A LOT HAPPENS AND IT’S KINDA IMPORTANT

I know all this! Still, I manage repeatedly to forget the episode exists. I just sort of attribute the important parts to other episodes I think, and gloss right over this whole banshee/knights/mountain chase stuff. It’s hilarious, but also I think a consequence of how the episode IS so dense. It feels like at least three episodes are crammed into this one, and so my memory insists it must be. Rewatching it for this, then, was an unexpected surprise, as I’m sitting there almost constantly like “Oh, shit, does that happen now? And that? That too??” IT WAS WEIRD

So there are three key questions we’ll address today, as I continue to do battle with what my memory keeps erroneously insisting was the order of events:

Was Hope born evil, or could she have been saved?

Why does everyone take the stance they do regarding Hope?

How is Gabrielle responding to the trauma of the previous episode?

#3, we can sum up easily enough with “POORLY”. The more nuanced answer actually relates more to #2 though, so hold that thought until we get there, as first we ask:  

Was Hope born evil, or could she have been saved?

I cannot begin to tell you guys how much I’ve thought about this question. This is some philosophical and psychological shit right here, and I don’t think we can conclusively, canonically, answer it one way or the other. I don’t even really know what my OWN answer is, and like I said, I’ve been mulling it over for MONTHS. So fuck it, I guess kick back and grab a beer and let’s go wander down some rabbit holes.

Let’s start with how we have the absolutely inescapable fact that Hope killed a dude. She’s between 12 hours and 18 months old, and she strangled a bitch TO DEATH. It’s murder! It’s kinda fucked up!

But also, how much can we hold Hope to account for that? Even given the magical aging, she’s what, two years old? I am absolute shit at baby ages, but even if we double that, she’s STILL a goddamn baby. Can you hold her morally accountable for strangling Goewin? How about if she kept crying every fifteen minutes and waking someone up, which is an actual factual torture tactic? BECAUSE MIDGE HAS DONE THIS AND I DON’T HAVE THE HAGUE ON SPEED DIAL

For an infant to strangle a conscious able-bodied grown man to death, there's likely some supernatural element involved, I’d think. If nothing else, THE MUSCLE CONTROL NECESSARY. So is that Hope too, then? Is it Dahak? Is it an impulse? Did she have any measure of conscious, deliberate choice?

And does it MATTER? If we absolve Baby Hope from Goewin’s death, do we do the same if it happens again? How many times is it okay for her to murder someone? When do we decide she’s killed too much? Do we ever?  How old must she be before we decide she’s now responsible?

I HAVE NO ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS. I absolutely can’t decide if I think she’s accountable or no. Or, rather, I’m inclined toward saying she isn’t responsible NOW, but when I start trying to drill down when she WOULD be -- as I think one must to have any ground to stand on -- I quickly lose my footing. I can’t definitively draw the lines, and so am forced to wonder if there should be lines drawn at all.

When we meet Hope again, the show doesn’t make it any easier on us. We end things in this episode with Gabrielle outsmarting Xena and letting Hope drift away all Moses-like. Then If I remember right, we don’t see her again until she turns up several episodes from now and kills Solan. Even setting aside the fact that she’s still a child at that point and whether or not she knows right from wrong, the fuck has she been doing? Who took care of her? Did anyone? Did Hope grow in isolation? Did Dahak, in some capacity, raise and provide for her? If so, is any of what she does even her idea?

Without having some sense of these answers, I don’t know that I can do more than blindly speculate on whether or not Hope could have been saved. My gut instinct is to say yes, or that at least it should have been attempted, but then right on the heels of that is all of my above questions and where the lines are, and I immediately reconsider.

LIKE I SAID THIS IS A HARD FUCKING QUESTION

I really don’t know where I fall on it. Which I think is a testament to the idea and its execution, how it’s all so grey and complicated. We’re left to our own devices, how to feel about Hope, and so too how to feel about the actions of Gabrielle and Xena. They’re both wrong, and they’re both right, and that’s a thin, narrow tightrope to walk as we continue toward the inevitable. 

Why does everyone take the stance they do regarding Hope?

We have, in this episode, six divisions of “everyone”: the banshee, the villagers, most of the knights, the renegade other knights, and of course, Xena and Gabrielle.

The banshees and the villagers, we can strike easily enough with “because the narrative”. The real conflict here is the nature of good and evil, guilt and innocence, but before we can get into the complicated stuff, we need broad strokes, and that’s what they provide. The villagers want to stop the rise of Dahak, so Hope has to die (and since Hope at this point is in Gabrielle, so does she). The banshees are monsters, they’re Bad Things, and they are 1000% pro-Dahak, so want to shelter and protect Hope/Gabrielle.

Not particularly complicated stuff. Now we have that down, it’s time to cue the knights.

These are sort of proto-Arthurian guys, included partly for a quick sword-in-the-stone joke which isn’t super clever but amuses, so I’ll take it. The other part though is to give the audience something to connect with in terms of trust and authority. The average person is at least passingly aware of King Arthur and regards him as a heroic figure, so tying these knights to him, however loosely, also inclines the audience to believe them, or at least believe that they’re acting in good faith.

And so (mostly), they are, to the point where they themselves are divided about Hope. The majority believe that as the child of Dahak, she is pure evil, and for the sake of the world, must be destroyed. However one of the knights, Goewin, argues that as a literal baby, Hope is innocent and it would be wrong for them to kill her based on what they’re afraid she MAY do. Full credit, Goewin puts his sword where his mouth is, running off with Xena and Gabby and vowing to protect the baby from his former knight-bros if necessary. Sides are declared now, and we’re increasingly unable to sit on the sidelines without also choosing one. The almost-Arthurians have a point, but so too does Goewin. Prophecy and portends all that, yeah, but also THIS IS A LITERAL INFANT. Can we know she won’t choose to do good? Can we run the risk of waiting for her to do evil?

WELL NOT IF YOU’RE GOEWIN I GUESS

It’s a pretty divisive backdrop, setting the stage perfectly for our main characters. Gabrielle, being Hope’s mother, is solidly on team Do Not Murder My Baby. Xena, being Xena, is a bit more Murder Is Sometimes Necessary Like Oh Say Right Now. But it goes deeper than that, of course it does.

In Hope, we have a breaking point, the divide between Xena and Gabrielle consolidated in human form.**  She is the extreme of Gabrielle’s insistence in seeing the world in black and white, and the pinnacle failure of Xena’s self-assuredness and authority. But more, she’s the perfect embodiment of Xena and Gabby’s inability to see the worst in the other. This essay question asks why they take the stance they do regarding Hope, and while the answer could be a winding walking path through the forest, you can hop directly to the other end with the magic words, “Because they HAVE to.”

(**) We can then argue that the herald of evil isn’t so much about the evil as it is to turn good against itself, which is far outside the scope of this essay, but interesting as hell, particularly if we frame “good” as multiple parts that must love and understand each other through their differences, an idea that further takes on a visual component in Xena with the Chakram v2.0, BUT DID I MENTION THIS WAS OUTSIDE THE SCOPE OF THIS ESSAY AND I DO NOT WANT TO RESTART IT FOR A FIFTH TIME AND SO WE ARE DROPPING THIS AND MOVING ON NOW

On this question, Gabrielle is really quite simple. She takes the stance she does toward Hope because it’s the one thing that will have made it all worthwhile. Getting snowed under and used by whassisface last episode, killing that girl, being literally impregnated by evil incarnate. Gabrielle can bear the weight of her naivety and the violence done by and to her, if it can mean something GOOD. Then, once she’s made the decision she has about Hope, she has to cling to it with both hands, because if she’s wrong about Hope, who else might she be wrong about?

For Xena, there’s one and only one primary concern: Gabrielle. She will hear absolutely nothing about destroying the baby, entertain no ideas about its inevitable evil, so long as Gabrielle and Hope are a package deal. Even when Hope is born, Xena lets the opportunity to stop Dahak there and then pass her by, effectively losing this battle the second she hands the baby to Gabrielle. Then when Gabby tells Xena not to let the knights hurt Hope, Xena is immediately there, ready to kill every last one of them if necessary.

Wonderful, heart-filling shit here. Xena has Gabrielle’s back always, at all times, and will make every last motherfucker in the ancient world bleed if they so much as look at her wrong. That Gabrielle is all that is good in the world is a given, and anyone suggesting otherwise is going to get the business end of a Warrior Princess. WHICH IS PRECISELY THE PROBLEM. Xena is so desperate for Gabrielle to live in their world without it touching and changing her, that she critically fails them both, not once, or even twice, but FOUR TIMES in this episode.

Firstly, by not being willing to entertain the idea that Gabby’s been fucked up, even when it’s Gabrielle putting the possibility out there. They nail it all EXACTLY at the start of the episode, but rather than talk it through, face the very real possibilities of what’s happened and so are prepared for what may come next, Xena pulls her “I’m the expert here” bullshit and shuts it all down.

And Xena’s not WRONG, exactly, but neither is Gabrielle, and refusing to have a conversation about what happened and how it’s made Gabby feel not only doesn’t help, but actively hurts.

Things escalate, angry villagers, burning people alive, etc. etc., and here’s Xena’s second major fuck up: she ignores everything her brain is telling her about this impossible baby. Gabrielle can’t be pregnant, and if she were she can’t be four months along already, and if she were she can’t be going into labour now. Even without 99% of the almost-Arthurian knights, an entire town of villagers, and a banshee squadron crooning over Gabby establishing a solid foundation from which to doubt, there’s Xena’s VERY OWN INSTINCTS POWERED BY CONCRETE OBSERVATION. At minimum, I’d expect “Let’s get you safely through this and then put our feelings on hold while we figure it out.” 

NOPE. Feelings flying fast and furious all over the place, leading us to Xena’s third major fuck up.

Gabrielle needs this, yes, but Xena needs it just as much. She needs Gabrielle to be okay, needs her to hold on to her view of the world and her good nature. She needs Gabrielle TO NOT BE HER. If there’s one thing that I think could send Xena into complete despair, it’s watching Gabrielle consumed by her own hate and turning into someone like Old Xena. Knowing that she didn’t stop it -- worse, walked Gabrielle hand-in-hand down that path -- would absolutely devastate her. I love that cap above as it captures this moment of horror for Xena, where she begins to realize she’s handled this in every wrong way possible and it may already be too late to fix it. Not only may she have to watch Gabrielle lose all hope again, a second blow from which she may not be able to recover, this time it may be Xena who rips it away.

Still though, Xena allows herself to be swayed from action. I don’t even mean not sticking a sword through a baby, but in not counselling, or even insisting, that she and Gabrielle maintain some degree of distance before they have a better idea of what’s going on. Instead, for hours, Gabrielle gets to sit with Hope and hope, further spinning the narrative that this was a good thing, a PURE thing, pouring all her personal redemption into this baby. By the time Xena’s finally ready to voice her concerns, it’s WELL past the point where Gabrielle might have been willing to listen.

AND GABBY ISN’T STUPID. She KNOWS. We know she knows, she voiced her fears with chilling accuracy at the top of the episode. But she’s stuck too, having spent that time rationalizing away all those fears in her own Xena-shaped blind spot.

Gabrielle has never yet been able allowed herself to see just how truly evil Xena was. She knows about Xena’s past intellectually, but emotionally treats it like scary boogeyman fairytales. Xena at her worst isn’t REAL to Gabrielle, and while she gets her first taste in this episode, Bad Xena will remain unreal until The Bitter Suite does what The Bitter Suite does so well. I jump ahead, but just NNNGH SHE KNOWS ALL OF THIS AND MAKES SO MANY ACTIVE CHOICES THAT TURN OUT ABSOLUTELY SHITTY AND I LOVE ALL OF THIS FOR GABRIELLE MY GOD WHAT A FUCKING CHARACTER ARC SHE HAS IN THIS SERIES I LOVE THIS SHOW SO MUCH SO MUCH HARHGHGNGGN

Ahem. Right. Back to Xena. Who fucks up a glorious FOURTH time by believing that Gabrielle finally saw the truth and chucked Hope over the cliff to her death.

XENA PLEASE

God, what an absolutely amazing display of self-sabotaging naivety FROM BOTH OF THEM. They are both DESPERATE to believe this is going to be something they can walk away from unscathed, Xena certain that Gabrielle has once again learned that Xena Is Right (and so Xena can keep protecting her, must protect Gabrielle, nothing matters but Gabrielle), with Gabrielle certain that Goodness Can Win, as Xena has proven, as Hope will prove, so that even if Gabby herself has failed on some level, THEY won’t. Goodness, like so much to Gabrielle, is a flipped switch, rather than an ongoing series of choices continually made.

A lesson she is about to learn in rather alarming fashion.

[vladtoly]

A Broken Family (Part 1)

Requested: Yes 

A/N: This hurts a lot and it’s not even done yet :)) I’ve decided to make this a two parter because it’s already nearly 2k words and i have so much more to write with this. As much as it pains me to write it, i’m having a lot of fun working on it 

Part 2

Warnings: Pain. Just pain 

“What the hell were you doing there in the first place?!”

Sangwoo only felt rage as he followed you down the dimply lit street. After being drugged and thrown into the cold after the group vote, the last thing he wanted to see was his daughter next to him, in the same predicament. He may have felt foolish for even bringing up the rule before, but now he was thanking the stars that he had.

You had been ignoring your father all the way, from when you got dressed, to swiftly walking the pavement now. It bothered you that he suddenly cared about your safety, while he hadn’t spoken to you since he left your mother when you were 15. No explanation, no good-bye; he just left. And that was 3 years ago.

You had to give him some credit, he was very persistent. You’d been walking for nearly ten minutes, and he hadn’t stopped talking once.

Finally having enough, you spun around, forcing him to a halt. “Does it really matter? Mom’s in deep debt, I’m doing what I have to to help since I’m the only one that will.”

The man flinched at the subtle jab, but he had to admit he had deserved it. When he left your mother, he wasn’t thinking abut anyone but himself. Not the mother of his child, not you, but him. He thought it would be easier on everyone if he said nothing, hoping the sudden, silent departure would be better than whatever harsh excuse he would say to them. But staring at the resentful look on your face, he knew he was wrong.

“If she’s the one who’s in debt, why is she sending her daughter to clean up her mess?” His words were cold, far colder than he intended. But he didn’t understand. Your mother had been loving, doting, and would do anything to protect their child. It didn’t make sense to him that instead of her, you stood before him.

“She has cancer, and that’s why she has the debt. I wasn’t going to let her go to some stupid game she was offered in the middle of a dingy train station.”

The words hit Sangwoo like a truck. He had left, lost all contact. He convinced himself they were better off. But your mother had cancer, his ex-wife had cancer.

“What kind, how bad is it?”

“Bad enough that her debt is mainly from hospital stays.”

“Can I see her?”

You scoffed at the question and immediately turned around to keep walking. “You didn’t care about her 3 years ago, don’t act like you care now.”

That was the last he saw of you before you both returned to the game. Sangwoo wanted to scold you for coming back, but he had to stop himself. The memories of your last interaction replayed in his head. There was so much more he could’ve done instead of letting you leave like that. He could’ve told you to not return, he would promise to go back and win the money for the both of you, give you all it took to make your mother healthy. But he knew that even if he worded it as perfectly as he could, you would turn the offer down. His promise were empty words to you at this point. You didn’t respect him as a man, much less your father.

And he couldn’t say he blamed you.

But you did respect Gi-Hun and he learned that when he saw the man wave across the room to you excitedly, you returning it with the same energy. Gi-Hun had explained to Sangwoo that after he had left, he came by the house frequently to help with what he could. His oldest friend didn’t bother prying Sangwoo on why he left, though he could feel that he wanted to.

He stayed silent and stared at the ground as you approached them. You sat directly next to Gi-Hun and began chatting about the game, why you both came back, and so on. Eventually, you both were getting a group formed to strategize and Sangwoo tried his best to fade into the background. He tried to put his two cents in where he could, but he knew it was best to stay out of your way.

For the most part he did. But then there was the riot.

When he heard the first scream, he shot up in his bed and hurriedly looked around for you. Fatherly instincts he hadn’t felt in years were in full effect and he needed to find you. He found you by Gi-Hun’s bed like they had all discussed earlier, but you looked petrified. You were freshly 18, you were just a kid. You shouldn’t have to be here.

He pushed aside everything that happened in the past, every mistake he had made and ran to your spot. You barely had time to register the new figure before he pulled you into a bone crushing embrace. Without second thought, you hugged him back, a sobbing mess. All your reserves were down at this point. You didn’t care anymore. You needed your dad.

“I’m scared, dad, I’m so scared,” you whimpered as he dragged you with him, looking for any safe place to hide.

“I know, angel, it’ll be over soon.” He shielded your eyes from the strobe lights, picking up a stray bar from the ground to defend you with.

Suddenly, the old man’s voice filled the air. He yelled for the riot to stop, called everyone a barbarian. And then the lights came on.

As they turned on, Sangwoo finally looked down at you. You’re shaking form was huddled into him, holding his shirt for dear life. He merely held you closer as he went to find the rest of the group, directing you away from the many dead bodies that littered the floor.

The rest of the night was silent.

Your group built a fort out of the toppled bunks and decided who would take watch first.

Sangwoo sat up in his spot next to you. He hadn’t let you out of his sight since the riot ended, he wouldn’t let himself. “I’ll take first watch.”

Everyone went into discussion of who would join him when he felt you shift beside him. You had pulled your legs to your chest, resting your chin on them. Your eyes rimmed red from sobbing for so long, and Sangwoo noted just how exhausted your expression was. “I’ll join him.”

His eyebrows furrowed. “Y/N, you’re going to bed. You’ve been through enough today,” he protested.

“I can take care of myself.” You grabbed a broken piece of glass from the ground and walked to the guard spot before he could say anything else. Sighing, he joined you while the others set down for the night.

Darkness surrounded you both, the silence between you heavier than anything Sangwoo had felt before. Your form was slouched over, the glass shard barely held anymore.

“You called me dad.”

You glanced at him tiredly.

His eyes went downcast as you stared him down. “Earlier, during the riot. You called me dad.”

“Well, biologically, you are. I don’t know if you are by other standards.”

Even before your father had left, he was distant. Always at work, always getting home late. If you had any recitals or school events, you never got your hopes up about him attending, because you knew he wouldn’t. Work became his life and family was always second priority. You learned that younger than a child should.

When you were younger, the day you were born to when you turned 4, you had some happy memories. Before he became the man was, he was… good. You remembered a dad who would make you meals for your picky tastes. A dad that played in the backyard with you, cleaning your wounds when you would get a scrape. A dad who would stay in your room a whole night, sitting by your bedside to make sure the ‘monsters’ didn’t get you. He used to be so gentle, so dedicated to giving you the world. Making sure you felt important and loved.

But then one seemingly normal day, a flip switched. And he was no longer the dad you once knew. Instead of cooking for you, he wouldn’t be home early enough for meals. Playing in the yard with him turned into you playing alone in the rain. And soon, you had to ward off the monsters on your own. Though your mom tried her best to fill the absence, nothing would fill that dad shaped whole in your heart.

Even so young, you would cry to yourself in your room. You would sob, wondering why daddy didn’t love you anymore. That was the moment most burned into your memory.

So, at 15, when he left without a word, you weren’t surprised. Because at the age of 4, you felt he already had.

You were brought out of your thoughts by Sangwoo speaking up.

“I’m sorry for leaving. I should’ve stayed or talked it out with you two. It was selfish, what I did. I knew it then, and I know it now. I should’ve reached out, but my pride got the best of me. I regret that. And I regret not being there for you and your mother when you needed me most.”

The man got it all out in one breathe before looking at you with silent eyes. Guilty ones.

You didn’t quite know what to say, yet you didn’t want the conversation to stop. You knew this must be hard for him. But you needed to know more. “Why did you leave?”

A heavy sigh left his lips and his eyes wandered again. Not bothering to ask, he flung his arm around your shoulders and pulled you to his side. But you didn’t mind, the comfort of your dad’s presence warming your heart more than you’d like to admit.

“Your mother and I had you very young, both of us 21. It was a scary time; we weren’t financially stable, we were barely getting by with just the two of us. But we knew we wanted you. With everything stacked against us, we knew we wanted you. And when you were born, when I held you the first time, I swore it was the best day of my life. I still think it was, I don’t remember another time being so happy. You were perfect, I couldn’t believe I made you.” You look up to see him softly smiling, the memory replaying in his head. “I loved being a dad, doing all the things dads do. I loved seeing you grow up, the way you smiled proudly to me after you lost your first tooth. You were so happy to see me when I got home from a 14-hour workday, just the sight of you made me forget just how exhausted I was.”

His expression fell suddenly. “But then I got a new job, a better job. The hours were longer, but I thought that if I worked hard enough and got enough money, I could give you a better future. That’s not how it worked out though. When you became a teenager, I realized that I missed out on so much. I was afraid to see how much damage I did by not being there, Y/N. And I knew I was in debt. I didn’t want to face you two if you ever found out, so I left. I never realized much damage I really did until I saw you here.”

Silent tears fell down his face that he quickly wiped away. Dads didn’t cry, they were supposed to be strong. So he wondered why he was so weak all those years ago.

[saphirered]

I’m in love with your writing and binged your entire page one night lol

Could I request a story with Caleb where the M9 find a wounded reader on the run from people who want to use her for her very powerful magical abilities. She doesn’t trust Caleb at first because he’s a wizard and just as she opens up to him and starts to develop feelings discovers he has been studying her powers - thought with no bad intentions. Some good old angsty enemies to lovers type of beat. Preferably with a good ending but do what you wish ;))

Apparently I'm giving you more stuff to binge as this is looking more and more like a several parter 😅. Prepare for loads of angst and conflict and some good hurt/comfort to come but for now, here comes part 1! 😘

Nobody pays attention to a vagrant dressed in rags, looking about a week past their last proper bath begging on the side of the road for money or standing by a shop, mouth watering at the food. Nobody pays attention to what they don’t want to see in their pristine cities. Not unless they want to chase you away because you’re in their way or you’re tarnishing their image. Speaking about image, sometimes some rich folk will take pity upon you, casting a coin your way to make themselves look good and generous in the eyes of others.

That’s exactly what you became when you needed to disappear. You needed to become unseen, unnoticed and a shadow among a crowd. You succeed casting away all remainders of your previous life because in the end, your life is worth more to you than your earthly possessions. Survival above all. You’ll live this way until you can get somewhere where no one will question you, or where you’ll be under the protection of others, far away where your enemies cannot reach you. Maybe Vasselheim is a good place to go? They’re not fond of the arcane magics. Sure you’ll have to give up using some of your own gifts but it’s worth being able to live your life freely.

You’re still a ways away from Vasselheim and you don’t have the funds to get there yet. Even if you make it to a port, stowing away on a ship is fine but you can’t trust them to not throw you overboard or leave you stranded at the nearest island to save provisions. And that’s if they don’t hand you over to any authorities and risk you getting back to square one. You’ll have to wander around Wildemount until you’re able to book passage or find somewhere to lay low, forever on the move. It’s not the worst and you get used to it pretty quickly.

Weren’t you lucky when you saw the recent champions of the Victory Pit were strolling around town flaunting their winnings. You need food. You need warm clothes. And most of all, you could do with some extra change in your pocket. You wouldn’t be stupid enough to steal all of it of course. Just enough to get by and they wouldn’t notice. So you trail them, sticking to the shadows. They don’t seem to notice you.

Then you struck. You got the coin pouch from the ostentatious one. It was child’s play really. He didn’t even notice you lifting the pouch from his belt when you brushed against his shoulder muttering an apology. You were already amidst the crowd when you heard the tiefling exclaim his coin pouch was gone and he put two and two together quickly, the charlatan he is so before you knew it they were on the lookout for someone fitting your description. You had to move quick, buy your necessities and get out of the market. You know just the place to hide out; the Evening Nip. Nobody asks questions there.

Once you found yourself safely sipping on the shitty ale served at the Evening Nip you didn’t expect the colourful group of strangers to stroll in. It was already too late when you spotted them and you had no where to go. Still your quickly gathered up the coin back into the ornate velvet pouch and put it in your own pocket hidden beneath the layers of your clothes putting your hands behind your back as you tried to make a break for the exit. They did not let you pass, a relatively buff looking woman gripping the handle of her sword stepping in front of you while another one, though shorter blocked your escape by interposing her staff.

“No funny business, friend. You have something that belongs to my companion here, and he wants it back.” The half-orc speaks as you grit your teeth. You’d really hoped to avoid this but you weren’t stupid enough to bring out the big artillery… yet… so you lift your hands in surrender and allow them to lead you over to one of the tables taking a seat of your own accord while you’re flanked by the buff woman on one side, the purple tiefling on the other and the rest of them takes up seating of their own around the table keeping an eye on you.

“Now, we can do this the easy way or the hard way…” The half-orc leads as the tiefling next to you holds out his hand brushing his other over your shoulder in a soft push, mimicking what you had done when you pickpocketed him. Are they mocking you? Bastards.

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about, friend.” You speak innocently. You know they won’t buy it anyway, their minds already made up, but it gives you just a second more to get a grasp on all of them. You’re already plotting your escape, despite the odds being turned against you. You have to try.

“Oh, I think you do, and we simply want a conversation. You wouldn’t want to tarnish this new friendship now would you?” The tiefling grins as you look at him. You can feel the strings of enchantment pricking into your mind but you know how this works. You’ll just have to play along. You smile, like being faced with an old friend, just as the spell would have you have, letting your defensive mannerism fade.

“You’re quite right. It’s no way to treat new friends. Let’s not get off on the wrong foot.” You glance between all of them and you feel a pair of blue eyes stare into you, right through you. There’s just something about him that doesn’t add up and you’re almost afraid he knows you’re not under the tiefling’s spell after all but you do whatever you can to not show that on your face and play along.

“Should we get some drinks to commemorate new friends?” You suggest about to get up but the woman in blue’s staff moves across the table right onto your shoulder urging you to stay in place. You don’t look fazed and merely amused with this action as if it is a harmless joke and not a threat. The tiefling moves the staff from your shoulder as you turn your attention back to him as he smiles.

“I think that’s an absolutely wonderful idea. Drinks on me.” He stands with you and begins leading you over to the bar. Clive takes the order and begins pouring the ale as requested while the tiefling keeps conversation with you, completely oblivious and detached from his friends. You play along and when you reach to the coin pouch, you pull out the coins owed to the barkeep. The tiefling smiles and you can see from your peripheral the red head notices too. Both confirm you have the coin pouch. So once you pay you reach for your pocket grasping for a short iron rod placing it in your hand, whispering words under your breath as the tiefling talks to the barkeep, your hands begin to move according to the familiar motions and before the redhead can warn his lavender companion, the tiefling is frozen in place unable to move and you’re making a break for the door.

Spells fly left and right and you dodge a few, take the damage from others as the fighters dependant on close range rush for you. A crossbow bolt hits your thigh and a large cat’s claw appears in front of you. You try to dodge it reaching for you but it catches you and holds you in place despite your struggling to get free. They circle you, bind your hands, take back the coin pouch and your own limited belongings from you as you fight back trying to keep them away from you but you’re just alone and they are the many.

You feel helpless and desperate. That’s when you make eye contact with the blue eyed wizard. There’s a look of recognition in his eyes. Not for who you are directly, but the way you’re acting and lashing out, like some caged animal wishing desperately to be free, like a creature on the run, like you’re two sides of the same coin. His eyes reveal to you pain and suffering and pity but you don’t need his pity. You don’t need anyone’s pity.

“Why did you steal that coin?” The wizard asks as you glare at him from your seated position on the ground.

“Why does anybody steal anything? I’m hungry. I’m cold and I’m broke as hell.” You spit none too kindly.

“Then get a job. Make some money. Or at least learn to be a good thief.” The rude woman snorts. You roll your eyes. Typical. You know plenty of people like her, maybe you even used to be like her but not anymore. You grew out of that the hard way. She will too, in time.

“None of you noticed until you went to pay for something.” You grin and the woman is about to lunge for you at your provocation. So easy to piss that one off. Funny, actually.

“I don’t think she can just get a job. Not a regular one anyway.” The wizard observes as he stares into you. “You don’t have anywhere to go, do you?” Your silence, biting your lip says enough. You don’t have anywhere to go. Once you did but that’s gone. Torn away from you.

“How about this? You spent a good deal of my friend’s coin but we’ll give you the opportunity to make it back as a repayment. Stick around for a little bit and go our separate ways when the debt is repaid?” There’s some protests but the half-orc quiets them down when the wizard speaks up in your favour. He doesn’t trust you, not after the stunts you just pulled, especially not when the look on your face mirrors his own so closely but perhaps it’s something within him that calls to him to make right a wrong, or prevent another soul to be lost to the troubles he’s faced.

With these idiots bound to make a scene they’ll call attention to themselves and by default that means away from you. This might work in your favour. They’re adventurers and given that they seem somewhat familiar with the Evening Nip, you can only assume they’re not exactly always on the right side of the law. You’re not judging but that gives you some safety and assurance should things go south or you need a quick way out. And if things really do turn in your favour, they’ll be your cover to places and funds to get you far far away from this hell hole.

“Looks like you got yourselves a new companion then, friends.” You don’t smile, only displaying an expression so neutral that makes the wizard think for a second he might have made a mistake but for now you have mutual interests and if there’s anything he can count on, it’s the reliability of a common goal, and a lot to lose should you get outed.

So next you know, you’re somewhat absorbed into their little group, learning their names and where they’re from, chatting happily but you can’t help but notice that yours and Caleb’s stories are similar in some ways, mostly the lack of detail. You’ve been raised within the Empire, but found yourself on a less fortunate path fending for yourself. The only difference between you and him is that he found Nott on his path while you had remained alone. The group didn’t seem to mind your lack of details, going with the excuse you’re not about to bare your life story to the people you only just met and you’re lucky. You hadn’t told anyone what happened since you’ve been on the run and you don’t plan on doing so anytime soon, especially not to people who haven’t earned your trust yet.

Of course you’ve been roomed with Caleb and Nott, finding yourself in one of the most expensive inns in the city, paid for by the group. Unlike Nott, who goes through your stuff when she thinks you’re not looking, Caleb is the perfect roommate. He doesn’t cross any boundaries, ask too many questions or has any annoying habits. He just reclines on his bed, going through his spellbook, transcribing new spells to add to his own collection. Every time he does you get extremely uneasy and snappy and do whatever you can to not be in the same space as the wizard. It doesn’t do your roommate relationship any good and may leave you at odds at times. Caleb may not understand why but it’s not his place to ask questions, nor does he think you’ll actually answer them. Instead you make up excuses, helping Beau with training, letting Jester braid your hair, keeping Fjord company while Molly claims their room for one of his escapades, getting some booze for Nott, or when Yasha is there, watch the storms with the woman, anything to get you out of that shared room with the wizard.

————

Rain hits the window of your room in the Pillow Trove as the redheaded wizard strolls in throwing his backpack on his bed and sitting down with a deep sigh. You look up over the edge of the book you’re reading seeing the wizard soaked through the bone wringing out his hair best he can. With a wave of your hand and words uttered under your breath you grin as the water evaporates from Caleb’s form, leaving his hair slightly more curly and frizzy, and his clothes warm and comfy. He gives you a look as you continue reading as if you’re completely unaware of anything going on in the room, completely absorbed into your book. Ignoring Caleb.

“I didn’t take you for the type that reads smutty romance novels.” He comments and gestures towards Courting of the Crick. You finally look at Caleb as if he only just gained your attention, as if you’re only just aware of his presence in the room. Both of you know better but this is how it is.

“You wouldn’t. But according to Jester you enjoy them very much.” You grin, having gotten to hear all about their little trip to the Chastity’s Nook. Caleb gives you a disapproving look as he begins to unpack his things, taking out the fresh ink and paper, setting out his spellbook and you mark your page, putting the book on your side table as you quickly get up and go for the door.

“Where are you off to all of the sudden?” Caleb asks as you grit your teeth. Can he not just leave you alone? Does he really trust you so little you’re not allowed to leave of your own accord?

“I’m going to see Jester and Beau in their room. Now I will bid you good day unless you think I need an escort for the room two doors down.” You snap. Okay, that may have been unnecessary. You could have at least been neutral. Too late for that now. Caleb waves his and as if dismissing you. Act like a child, get treated like a child. So you leave the room letting the door fall closed a little harder than you normally would in protest and make your way over towards Beau and Jester’s room.

Jester, happily lets you in and while Beau has definitely warmed up to you, things are still rocky. She wouldn’t go as far as calling you a friend, but more that one neighbourhood kid her parents tried to get her to play with despite the two of you never really having been friends at all. At least you can bond over your slightly criminal tendencies. It’s Jester who’s completely accepted you as one of her own, questioning you about anything and everything, preaching to you about the Traveler, gushing about her romance novels, specifically Oskar, which you’re pretty sure is actually reflecting her major crush on Fjord but let the girl dream. Who knows what will come of it?

[meidozangetsuha]

While I was initially extremely skeptical of the decision and worried it would also result in an incredibly long story slowdown like I felt S1 suffered from, it ended up being an extraordinarily good way to tackle character growth this season. Each of the Yashahime still have issues unrelated to pure fighting power they had to deal with, and dividing them up while also making sure some episodes focus on them (while also careful to not make sure the focus isn't entirely on one character).

While they didn't use the exact words, Towa's focus episodes in the split up revolved around her trauma and PTSD, and how they play into her motivations and how she acts. How her clinginess with Setsuna and not giving her space to breath wasn't a good thing. That it's OK to let go of somebody's hand. That this trauma resulted in a 14 year-old middle schooler thinking her life doesn't have value beyond protecting somebody. And now she has let go of that hand. And traveling with two others who were kind to her, she seems to be doing... better, although we won't know till later the full extent of all this.

Towa is learning she doesn't have to carry guilt over a traumatizing event that was four, that Setsuna will be OK and that she can protect everyone, not just one person.

Setsuna is fully understanding the bonds of love, of trust, what her power signifies. "The power to sever connections." Its more than just an ability to sever curses and the like. It is to understand these bonds of love, connections, anymore than just "something supernatural to cut." As someone who lost her memories and became a stoic figure, who has spent her entire life killing as a job, Setsuna just began to understand what it means to protect others in the desire to save her mother.

Setsuna is understanding empathy and love through what she witnessed in the snowy regions, and how they relate to her power.

While Moroha seemingly had the least important quest, it is all the same a direct tie to her parents. Like how Kagome and Inuyasha once defeated a monster that Kikyo could only seal, now, during her final mission as a bounty hunter, is learning more about her parents directly. This one is harder bc the two-parter goes on until next week, but for the first time, Moroha is having an opportunity to learn more about her parents directly followed by more freedom to move about once this job ends.

Moroha, who also struggled in isolation until she met her cousins will likely soon gain her mew motivation once this mission ends: to truly seek out her parents, the likely guiding motivation that will come with her debt paid.

I did not like this decision at first. With how much of an improvement Second Act was, I was afraid like S1 it would lose momentum doing this.

But; each episode of the split up has only developed the three characters and fully flesh out what it is they believe in. It was ultimately a great decision, well done!

[shadlad24]

Secret Scoundrel

What if, converse to Aphrodite being an unsung hero throughout the Rift Arc… Ares was a secret scoundrel during that time? What if he was on Dahak’s side the whole third season? [Text-only Version]

It’s entirely possible that the god of war’s treachery started way back in “The Furies.” What did Ares make happen in that episode, again? That’s right; he messed with Xena’s head to get her good, riled, persecuted, vengeful, and uninhibited. And whom did Xena actively seek revenge upon every opportunity she got? Why, the same person Ares talked to sometimes and could easily have gotten to put a bounty on the warrior princess’s head, much like Callisto did in “The Ides of March,” of course.

One way or the other, Ares would have gotten Xena to Britannia. And with her protective instincts over Gabrielle and a big assist from Khrafstar, the battling bard was all but guaranteed to end up in Dahak’s temple. Didn’t Ares try multiple times to get the warrior princess to destroy that blasted place, though, you might ask. Perhaps not, because he might have been doing his usual trick of inception reverse-psychology’ing people with the true goal of keeping his overlord’s house of worship intact. Could it be that Xena was supposed to die there rather than get Gabrielle out, thus leaving The Deliverer free to, you know, deliver the child of darkness into the world?

That obviously didn’t work out as planned, so Ares had to make a contingency plan. Enter “The Debt”s. What if the war-god not only helped Gabrielle get to Chin but also Lao Ma’s messenger get to Xena? Is it not super suspicious that the catalyst of the two-parter suddenly appeared right behind her, though pursued and mortally wounded by assassins, then hung on through his attackers’ and Xena’s drawn-out fight, only to immediately die after relating the riddle of the Green Dragon? More importantly, what did Ares hope to accomplish by helping Gabrielle betray Xena to a vicious tyrant who could have no other response to finding out that Xena was coming for him than to have her executed, if not to get Xena killed? Ares meant to take out the threat she posed to Hope. That he simultaneously gained the ace in the hole of having Gabrielle in his debt should he need to cook up yet another contingency plan was merely a bonus.

The next time Ares turned up, he manipulated Aphrodite into giving Gabrielle the very magic MacGuffin the bard could and did use to get Xena out of the way, could but did not use to bring Hope back to her. Many things there did not go quite to plan either, of course, but Hope still got to her mother straight afterwards. As Dahak clearly didn’t have the power to teleport her anywhere (as showcased in Hope’s reliance on Callisto), who’s to say that Ares didn’t provide supernatural transportation services to his future baby-momma mid-season too?

As far as “The Bitter Suite” goes, again, I don’t think that was Ares who urged Xena to kill Gabrielle. (It was, however, the work of his frequent partners-in-crime, so there’s that.) Au contraire and also again, I think it was him and not Gabrielle’s guilt who spent time with her in “Forget Me Not.” Either way, both failed plots intended to separate Xena and Gabrielle, leaving the duo broken and apart, if not dead, so that Hope could be reborn and take over without their interference.

Which brings us the season finale. What if Dahak appearing to Ares on that beach wasn’t so much a self-introduction as a warning? Because Ares briefly lost sight of the ultimate goal of prospering Hope? Perhaps even calling all his loyal warriors together had the ace-benefit of providing an extra layer of protection around Hope and/or butchers to sacrifice the hundreds of innocents Dahak needed to enter the world.

At last, Ares got to reveal his true allegiance. He transported Hope as needed and impregnated her. He called in his favor from Gabrielle, continually reminding her of it and thus ensuring, as best he could, Hope’s and The Destroyer’s survival. He even, however briefly, put himself between the Hind’s Blood Dagger and Hope.

But why would Ares do all this? Could he have actually turned on Xena and meant it? Listen to his confession. Ares aligned himself with Dahak for his own survival, as he always turned on his family* for his own selfish gain. Lest we forget, he already showed himself capable of giving up on Xena specifically at the start of the season.

.

*Yep; I still think Xena’s his daughter and this early run-through of working to sustain a being that could cause his demise as long as he got an heir out of the deal (though, that would be The Destroyer here rather than Xena) matches what Ares will try to pull around Baby Eve as well.

[twistedtummies2]

Giants in the Sky - Part 1

As I promised, here - at long, long last - is a story based on “My Hero Academia!” This is actually an AU story I came up with, intending it as a trade with another person (who shall remain anonymous). That person found their schedule was way too busy, and as time went on, I decided it might be best to just give this AU a try myself. So here I am to do so! As I said, originally this was going to be a two-parter, but I decided to change it into two separate stories, and each story itself will be two parts...effectively making this a four-parter. (Get it? Got it. Good.) I’m going to begin work on the second story hopefully this week, but in the meantime, here’s the first tale. Part one goes up today, part two shall be up tomorrow. This first part is primarily exposition/plot-based; the “fun stuff” comes in the next half, and trust me, there’s PLENTY of it. >:)

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Once Upon a Time, in a Kingdom Far, Far Away… The Green Knight smiled, his armor shining like emeralds as he stepped out into the sunlight. He walked out with pride – a young man whose freckled face and wild, dark green hair belied his bravery and chivalry. He held his helmet under one arm, the other gripping his sword, as he stared down at the crowd of people below him. His heart swelled and he nearly felt like crying as he heard them all cheering his name…then came the voice of the King himself, echoing in his ears and making his pulses sing with joy. “All Hail Sir Midoriya of Shi-Tan! The Greatest Warrior in All of Ua! A True Hero!” The crowd cheered louder. The Green Knight closed his eyes and sighed, warmth fluttering in his heart. In truth, the adulation was just a bonus: as he heard the voices calling up his name, he knew he had helped them all. He had saved many lives by slaying the terrible Dragon of Belfast, and now they could sleep peacefully – be they peasant or nobleman – without fear of danger and destruction. Every single voice…every single life…they’d all be happy and secure. That was what truly mattered…but the recognition was nice. He felt…like he finally belonged. Like he was where he was always meant to be; where he’d wanted to be for his entire short, young life. So many years of struggle and toil…and now, here he was, his praises being sung across the empire. He whispered the words he’d heard to himself, dreamily, as he felt the warm Sun upon his youthful face: “A True Hero…” “OI! MIDORIYA!” “YAH!” Izuku Midoriya’s eyes jolted open and he jumped about a foot in the air. He gasped and panted, looking around himself in alarm, a glimmer of confusion in his wide, bright green eyes. The Castle and its courtyard had disappeared. He found himself in a wide, brown field; to one side of the field, not so far away, was the edge of the forest; just over the tops of the trees, he could see the distant, glittering, pearly shine of the Castle he’d been daydreaming about. To the other side was the farm where he worked. He looked down at himself, and sighed somewhat dismally; his beautiful green armor had been replaced with a peasant’s tunic of green, along with a dull red vest and matching shoes, his green trousers held in place by a white rope belt. Before him was the plough he had been working, pulled by a dull-eyed donkey, which swished its tail lazily as it looked back at him, serene patience in its half-lidded eyes. Midoriya smiled bashfully at the plough animal. “Sorry, Mineta,” he said to the donkey, scratching the back of his head. “I got distracted I guess…” “You do that too often.”

Midoriya blinked and froze. “…Did you just talk?” he asked the donkey. The donkey snorted, and then the voice came again… “No, you little fool. It was me. The one who pays you and gives you a home, remember?” WHAPP! Midoriya yelped and turned around as a light but firm swat bapped him upside the head. He timidly looked up and chuckled nervously at the figure who had smacked him. “Oh…uh…s-sorry, Mr. Aizawa.” Aizawa was a tall, thin man. His black hair was long and frequently unkempt, his unshaven face abnormally pale. Between these features and his seemingly permanently bloodshot eyes, Midoriya often worried the head farmer would flop over from lack of sleep. “What do you expect?” the farmer would say, when the youth addressed him about the issue. “I have to deal with you and that other rambunctious kid every day, ANYONE would lose sleep.” Aizawa frowned, and Midoriya flinched back; there was always such a dangerous, smoldering look in the older farmer’s eyes when he was irate…which was quite often. The irises could go from hollow and almost lifeless to sharp as daggers or hot as scorching flames in an instant. He wore dark clothes that were a little nicer than Midoriya’s, but not by much; with a grunt, he jabbed a thumb towards the cattle pen on the premises. “Kaminari’s having trouble with Milky White,” Aizawa grumbled. “One of you can finish ploughing later. Right now, put Mineta away and then go help him out.” Midoriya’s smile became less nervous, and he nodded respectfully. “Yes, sir,” he said, and set about undoing the plough and bringing Mineta with him by the halter to the barn where the donkey slept. Aizawa’s farm produced three things: a great abundance of poultry, with the chickens being sold to market at regular intervals, and of course the wheat in the fields…and milk. The milk all came from a single cow: an old heifer appropriately named Milky White. The name not only came from the cow’s appearance – with short, coarse hair of purest, snowy white all over her body, not a speckle of brown or black to be found beyond her huge, doe-like eyes – but for the product she put forth. Far and wide, across the Kingdom of Ua, the milk was considered to be the whitest dairy anybody had ever seen. It fetched quite a handsome price at market, far more than the chickens or the wheat ever did, and allowed the trio who dwelled on the farm to get by well enough. Midoriya had lived on the farm most of his life; he and Kaminari were orphans who had met on the streets and befriended each other. One day, many moons ago – the two were scarcely older than seven – Kaminari had suggested breaking into the home of the farmer who lived alone at the edge of the woods: Shota Aizawa. Midoriya had been hesitant, and to this day, Kaminari claimed it was his hesitant nature that got them caught (though Midoriya was fairly sure it was more likely how much noise Kaminari made while they were breaking in). Instead of turning them into the authorities – the Kingdom was not kind to thieves – Aizawa had decided the two would work on his farm for a while to “pay their debt.” That was how it had started…but after some time, the farm became like home, and the pair just…stayed there. Aizawa never seriously complained. The keyword being seriously. He ALWAYS complained. In the years he’d spent on the farm, Midoriya had developed a much closer relation to Milky White than Kaminari. After putting Mineta away, the young man with green hair trotted to the cattle pen; Milky White quietly grazed on a big trough full of barley. Beside her was a battered wooden stool, and seated on the stool was another young man – sharp-featured and with unusual, amber-colored eyes – his messy blonde hair swept away from his face. He was glaring and grinding his teeth with frustration, trying to squeeze milk out of the cow’s udders. “Rrrrgh…it’s no good!” he snapped as Midoriya stepped through the gate into the pen. He threw up his hands in defeat as he continued: “I can never get her to give me anything! It’s like she clams up!” Midoriya chuckled; his blonde friend pouted childishly. “You’re always either too rough or too gentle,” he said, patting Kaminari’s shoulder, then smiled helpfully. “Let me try: she should give me something.” Kaminari sighed and nodded in supplication, then got up from the milking stool. Midoriya sat down and gently stroked Milky White’s side. The cow let out a pleased moo, and he then began to try and milk the creature. However, after several tries, his smile faded. He was doing everything the way he always did, yet absolutely nothing was coming out. “Hey…what’s wrong, old girl?” he asked softly, patting the cow’s side. Milky White’s rather sleepy-looking eyes looked towards him and she blinked slowly. “Huh? You’re having trouble, too?” Kaminari asked, kneeling down; he’d been watching to try and figure out what he’d been doing wrong. The blonde frowned; Midoriya had NEVER failed to get milk before. “Yeah,” the green-haired boy nodded, and a worried expression crossed his face. “The past two weeks, she’s been giving less and less…maybe it’s something we’ve been feeding her?” “Impossible!” Kaminari insisted with a shake of his head. “We haven’t ever once changed her diet!” “Something wrong?” The two looked to see Aizawa leaning against the gate; he looked so tired, one swore the gate was all that was keeping him up. “She’s not milking,” Kaminari answered, gesturing to Milky White. Aizawa frowned, looking concerned and confused. He looked toward Midoriya…and tilted his head. The young man’s eyes were steadily moving between the udders and the bucket, an intense look of concentration on his face. His hand rubbed at his chin as he mumbled and muttered unintelligibly to himself. The head farmer and the blonde stable lad shared a look, then looked back to the other boy. “Oi,” Aizawa called out. “Izuku…kid, what do you think’s up?” Midoriya jumped and yelped, pulled out of thought again. He sighed with relief, and rubbed one arm. “Well…I-I was just thinking, Milky White is a pretty old cow,” he said slowly. A pause. “…And?” Kaminari pressed, while Aizawa narrowed his eyes. “Oh! Um…well…I hate to say it, but maybe she’s just gotten to an age, finally, where she…can’t give milk anymore,” he shrugged. “It would explain why it’s been harder to manage her and why we’ve been getting less and less.” Milky White let out another moo, looking offended at the implications she was so old. Midoriya smiled and patted her side reassuringly. “I think you may be right,” Aizawa nodded, and sighed wearily. “Well…in that case, there’s only one thing to do.” “Um…make apple strudel?” Both Midoriya and Aizawa stared a Kaminari, who was smiling a dopey, chipper smile. “…No,” Aizawa answered slowly, then paused before elaborating simply: “We have to sell the cow.” “Sell her?!” gasped Midoriya, while Milky White’s own eyes widened in surprise, and she let out another moo that sounded quite alarmed. “Do we…d-do we really HAVE to?” “Yes,” Aizawa responded bluntly. “I don’t have the money to keep a cow on the farm that doesn’t put anything out. At least if we sell her, we’ll be able to make some money off her one last time; hopefully enough to buy another cow.” “But their milk won’t be nearly as good as hers!” protested Midoriya. “Probably not, but if she’s not giving ANY milk, that doesn’t make much difference, does it?” Izuku felt that couldn’t easily be denied, and bit his lip. “Don’t we have any other options?” Kaminari asked, noting the conflict on his friend’s face. Aizawa raised an eyebrow. “Well, you could slaughter her yourselves, yeah.” The boys looked VERY ill, and Milky White was visibly shaking. “Yeeeeaaaah…I-I’mma pass on that,” shuddered Kaminari. “Then it’s settled,” Aizawa sniffed. “At least if she’s sold, she might be able to be a pet instead of someone’s dinner,” murmured Midoriya, rather sadly. Aizawa decided it wasn’t worth telling the rather forlorn-looking boy how unlikely that was. “Who’ll be in charge of giving her away?” Kaminari asked, while Midoriya petted the cow’s side gently. “I have some work I still need to do of my own,” Aizawa said, and pointed to Izuku. “Midoriya, you’ll take Milky White to market.” “M-Me?!” squeaked out Izuku, eyes wide. “Hey! Why not me?!” huffed Kaminari. “I haven’t been to market in ages!” “There’s a reason for that,” droned Aizawa, giving the blonde a withering stare. “The last time I sent you into town, I asked you to buy a dozen apples. You came back with two dozen pears.” “Hey, in my defense, they do taste sort of similar, AND you got more than-” “And the time before that,” Aizawa pressed on, “I sent you into town to buy some meat, and you came back with cheese! MOLDY cheese!” “I…well, um…uh…” “And the time before THAT,” Aizawa nearly growled, “I sent you to buy some milk…and you came back covered in lipstick marks, babbling about some cute blonde who traded your money for PERFUME.” Silence. Kaminari flushed, lowered his head, and kicked at the ground. “…She c-called me handsome…” Midoriya closed his eyes and shook his head, while Aizawa sighed and slapped a hand over his face. He mumbled something about being cursed into his palm, then looked back to Midoriya. “This will be your first time in the market, at least for my sake,” he said, somewhat warningly. “Please, DON’T make the same mistakes Kaminari has made.” “I won’t,” Midoriya promised, and stood up from the stool. “How soon do I leave?” “At once. Get the halter and I’ll tell you how much to ask for her, and give you further instructions…”

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“No less than five pounds, no less than five pounds…”

Izuku Midoriya – a red cap perched upon his head – muttered the mantra to himself over and over again under his breath, as he led Milky White along a crooked, broken road. The route to market passed through the forest that surrounded the farm. It had been a very long time since Midoriya had set foot on the road, and he idly wondered if anyone in town would recognize him in the least as one of the two waifs that had rambunctiously lived about the streets. Milky White let out a sad moo; Midoriya smiled kindly and paused to pat the bovine’s snout. “I know, old girl, but don’t worry,” he soothed. “I’ll make sure you get a good home, if I can. I promise.” He thought the cow smiled faintly, but he wasn’t sure. The boy continued on his path, carefully looking from left to right; he road he was taking had curves, but no forks or other paths. It was a more or less straight shot to the marketplace from here. He still had a long ways to go, however, and the forest seemed to grow denser around him, the branches of the trees twining together as their tops swayed slightly with the breeze. He had often thought the woods could be frightening, but in truth, the forest was very beautiful; the green leaves seemed to sparkle in the sunlight that shimmered between them, and he could hear birds chirping overhead. As Midoriya walked, he soon came to a patch of forest thinner than the rest; through a gap in the trees, he looked up and saw the sky. Two huge, white, puffy clouds painted the blissful blue backdrop. A sweet, vacant, daydreaming smile came over the wandering urchin’s face. In his mind’s eye, one cloud looked like a knight preparing to duel a frightful monster, represented by the other cloud. He was so lost in his daydreams, that he failed to hear Milky White’s warning bellow. And a moment later… WHUMP! “Oof!” “Ach!” Izuku thudded into something – or, rather, someone – and stumbled back clumsily before landing on his bunce with a grunt. He heard the other person fall in the same manner. “Ow,” Midoriya mumbled, massaging his sore backside for a moment before climbing up onto his feet and moving towards the other person, apologizing hastily. “I-I’m so sorry!” Izuku pleaded, extending a helping hand. “I should have watched where I was going, I just-” “It’s okay, it’s okay, stop apologizing,” the other fellow said, and stood up brushing himself off. Midoriya stepped back, withdrawing his arm and looking over the man: he was tall and exceedingly lank, with a bony face and deeply-sunken blue eyes that gave him an overall almost skeletal appearance. A huge head of wavy blonde hair adorned his scalp, and he was dressed in what appeared to be a nobleman’s coat: gold in color, with black pinstripes. Midoriya gulped nervously, eyes widening as he took in the strange man’s appearance, nearly quivering. The Mysterious Man was clearly of noble blood; would the gentleman be angry with him? He really didn’t need any trouble, he just wanted to get to the market soon… “I’m…I d-didn’t mean to bump into you, sir,” he peeped timidly, and the man – who was dusting off his coat – raised an eyebrow in his direction. “If, um…if there’s anything I can do t-to make it up to you, uh…” “Nonsense,” the Mysterious Man smiled benevolently, and gave a wink and a wide, toothy smile. “Good morning to you, Young Midoriya!” Izuku froze, mouth clapping shut. He blinked. “…Good morning to you. Uh…h-how come you know my name?” “Where are you heading this morning?” the Man asked, politely, not at all answering the question. Midoriya frowned and took a slightly suspicious step back. “I’m going to market,” he responded, lifting the part of the halter he held in emphasis. “My master’s cow here won’t milk anymore, so we’re hoping to sell her. As a pet,” he clarified, in the firmest voice he could. “Hmmm,” smirked the Mysterious Man, lifting a hand to his chin and cocking his head to one side. “I see…” A pause. “Who are you, sir?” Midoriya thought to ask. “Call me Yagi,” the Man said, simply, then smiled a bit wider. “How much are you demanding for this cow, Young Midoriya?” “No less than five pounds,” recited Izuku. Yagi frowned slightly. “Why such a sum?” “Well…um…m-my Master told me to ask for it,” Midoriya answered, honestly, and with a hint of embarrassment. “Ahhh,” nodded Yagi, then smiled anew. “And what would you say if I offered you something worth more than money?” Midoriya blinked, and looked towards Milky White, who rolled her great brown eyes up at him skeptically. He then gave Yagi an equally dubious but also keenly interested sort of look. “Such as?” Yagi smirked, and bent down, placing his hands on his knees as he was now eye-to-eye with Izuku. “Tell me, Young Midoriya…if you can…how many beans make five?” “Two in each hand, and one in your mouth!” Midoriya chirruped back, sharp as a needle, remembering the old chestnut from when he was a little boy. “Right you are!” Yagi chuckled, and tapped Midoriya on the nose. He chuckled louder as the younger man let out a childish squeak and covered his “booped” nose protectively. “And here they are now: the very beans themselves.” So saying, and with a flourish of one hand, the Mysterious Man – seemingly out of nowhere – pulled out a handful of five large, strange-looking beans: each was the size of a cashew, and each was brightly colored in different shades – red, yellow, blue, green, and pink – so that they seemed to form a little rainbow patch in the tall, thin man’s palm. “And as you are so sharp, good Midoriya,” Yagi went on, “I don’t mind offering a trade with you: how about you swap your cow…for these extraordinary, extravagant, extra-large, extra-extra-extra beans?” Midoriya looked at the colorful beans, then Yagi’s face…and frowned, scrunching his brow and looking a little confused and more than a little doubtful. “No offense, sir, but…um…why would I trade my cow for some beans?” he said, sensibly. “I mean…especially when I’ve been asked to get money. It just…doesn’t seem very wise.” “Normally, I would agree with you,” Yagi nodded, his voice equally reasonable, as he then lifted the beans a bit higher, their colors almost seeming to glisten in the sunlight that peered through the treetops. “But you haven’t got the slightest idea of what sort of beans these are. These aren’t ordinary beans: they’re MAGIC beans.” Midoriya raised an eyebrow. “Magic?” “Yes,” Yagi said. “If you plant these beans tonight – under the light of the blue moon – by morning they’ll grow into a stalk tall enough to reach the top of the blue sky itself! And not an inch less.” Midoriya’s eyes widened; now he had some interest. “Really?” “Yes, really!” Yagi grinned widely, blue eyes wide and bright. “I would stake my reputation on it!” Midoriya bit his lip…then fiddled with the halter. Milky White moved her head slowly, swinging it to watch the conversation with her own sense of dopey interest. “Again, no offense, but…I don’t know you. Sir,” Midoriya reminded the Mysterious Man. “So…what kind of reputation can I trust a stranger to have?” Yagi opened his mouth to answer…then blinked…and paused, tilting his head and looking up to the sky. “Huh,” he muttered, scratching his cheek with a long, skinny finger. “That’s reasonable enough, Young Midoriya.” Midoriya nodded and gave the halter a tug, attempting to pass. “Right. Well, thank you for your offer, sir,” he said, politely, “But I just can’t-” “Hold on, hold on!” Yagi exclaimed, with such power in his voice it made Midoriya yelp and jump back in surprise. “Let me make you a deal: the time now is…” He paused, and – with his free hand, for the other still clutched the odd beans – reached into the pocket of his nobleman’s vest, pulling out a pocket watch – both as golden as his coat – and checked it before tucking it away again. “…The time now is six o’ clock,” he reported, and then went on: “If by tomorrow, at this hour, you discover anything has happened differently, in any way at all from what I promised…then you can meet me at this exact same spot, and I’ll give you the five pounds you asked for. Now there’s something we can agree on, yeah?” Izuku still looked unconvinced. Yagi’s eyes roamed up and down the young man’s form…and he sighed before kneeling down before him. “Young Midoriya,” he whispered softly, in a voice so low and so heartfelt it caught the green-haired youth off guard. “I know we’ve only just met…and I know you haven’t got much reason at all to trust me. But I have seen the way you looked at those clouds. I know of the daydreams people say you have. Tell me something: what do you wish for, more than anything in the world?” The young man paused before answering, figuring it would do no harm: “I want to be a hero. I want…I want to help people. I want to help my village, my friends, and I…I want to BE somebody. Not just a farmer’s helper, but…someone important.” “For money or fame?” “No. Not really. I mean…those are nice, but…just knowing I did something with my life, and knowing that I helped so many other people…that’s what I really want. I want to be remembered. And I…I want to do something amazing. Something that will be worth any risk if it helps others.” Yagi’s smile widened; there was a twinkle in the thin man’s eye. “I know those dreams very well,” he said sagely, and opened his hand once more, offering the beans to the youngster again as he went on: “Take these and plant them, just as I told you. I can’t promise you what will come of them will be easy for you. I can’t promise you it will be safe. I can’t even promise you that you won’t regret it. But if you do as I say…if you take this chance I’m giving you…maybe you can be a hero.” A pause. Midoriya took a deep breath. “…Do you promise to take care of Milky White?” “I do.” “And if anything does go wrong, you do promise to pay me the five pounds?” “I’ll make it ten, if you want.” Midoriya smiled. “Then I guess there’s nothing to lose, is there?” “I wouldn’t say that,” chuckled Yagi, “But you won’t be any worse off than you are now, will you?” “That’s true,” Midoriya nodded slowly in consideration…then smiled widely, eyes lighting up. “Alright! Deal!” The bargain was executed quickly, as Yagi pulled a small leather bag out of his coat pocket. He poured the beans inside, and traded the little bag for Milky White’s halter. “Farewell, Young Midoriya,” Yagi smiled, giving a mock salute to the young man. “And a pleasure doing business with you!” “Same to you,” Midoriya smiled, adjusting his scarlet cap, and turned away, opening the bag to inspect the beans. He took a few steps away, and made sure all five were inside. Nodding to himself, he turned around again, looking up, preparing to wave goodbye… …Only to find, to his amazement, that both Yagi and Milky White had seemingly vanished into thin air. Midoriya stared at the spot where they had stood…then looked at the bag of Magic Beans…then his smile returned, and with a whoop a laugh, he pocketed the beans and ran pell-mell back down the woodland path towards the farm. He couldn’t wait to see Mr. Aizawa’s reaction!

------------------------------------------------

“YOU. LITTLE. FOOL.” With a snarl, five brightly colored, cashew-sized beans sailed out an open window in the farmhouse. Midoriya gasped and tried to grab them before they hit the ground…but it was too late. They scattered into the dirt, and must have been covered quickly, because he couldn’t see where they landed. He then whimpered and cowered as a very, VERY angry Shota Aizawa nudged him back, barring his way and glaring down at him. “Beans,” he sneered. “I’m disappointed in you, Izuku. I trusted you to make good choices. And of all things you come back with…you come back with five painted beans?” “I…b-but…but Mr. Aizawa, he said they were magic!” Aizawa’s glare didn’t shift. He just glowered, unblinkingly. Midoriya sighed and hung his head; it did sound very, very gullible, now that he thought about it. “…He…he also said…w-we could…have ten pounds…i-if it didn’t work…?” he added, hopefully, not daring to look up as he said so. “You BELIEVED him?” Midoriya remained silent. He sniffled once, and said nothing. Aizawa’s gaze softened slightly, and he pinched his brow, closing his eyes as he pointed off in another direction with one hand. “Bed,” he ordered. “Now. We’ll talk about this more in the morning. Don’t come out of your room till I tell you to. Understand?” Silence. “UNDERSTAND?!” “Y-Yes…yes, Mr. Aizawa…I’m…I-I’m sorry…” With a final sniffle, not daring to lift his head, Midoriya darted upstairs and out of the room. Aizawa sighed as he watched the young man go…then looked out the window. The sun was setting and the night was riding in fast. He shook his head despondently, grumbling to himself as he headed towards his own room.

------------------------------------------------ He needed sleep desperately…and probably a drink, as well…

Kaminari squirmed a bit uncomfortably as he sat in his bed, which lay across from Midoriya’s in the small room they occupied each night. Midoriya was lying on his side, facing the other wall, turned away from Kaminari. He hadn’t moved a muscle for an hour or two. “Hey,” Kaminari whispered. “I, uh…I just wanted to say…it’s really not as bad as you think.” Midoriya gave no response. “I mean…you know all the dumb stuff I’ve done, yeah?” Kaminari chuckled, trying to shrug and giving an uneasy smile. “And…well…Magic Beans DO sound a lot cooler than, like…I dunno…moldy cheese, r-right?” Still no response. “…Midoriya? Are you asleep already?” No response. Kaminari sighed; he’d tried. Shaking his head sadly, he lay down in bed, and turned away to face his wall. “G’night,” he mumbled out, softly. In his own bed, Midoriya said nothing. His eyes spilled tears onto his pillow as he lay totally and completely still, curled up defensively in his bed, as if trying to coil into a ball. He hugged himself as he lay on his side, and sniffled softly before wiping his eyes on one arm. A flicker of light fell over his face, and he looked up to see the blue moon shining down. With a despairing sort of look, he lay down on his belly, face in his pillow…and after several minutes, cried himself quietly to sleep.

Neither he, nor Kaminari, nor Aizawa downstairs never noticed the way the ground not so far beyond the window shifted as the moonlight passed over it…they certainly never noticed the tiny green sprout that began to wind out of the ground as they slumbered…nor how it burst with leaves and pods as it continued to grow…

------------------------------------------------

Izuku Midoriya opened his eyes to darkness. He gazed about, trying to figure out where he was…he opened his mouth to call for his master and his friend, but no sound came out in the dark, hollow void. A disturbing, hissing noise echoed out from somewhere behind him. He turned around fast…and turned pale as a sheet as he beheld a hideous, indescribable beast: as big as a house, its whole body a mass of writhing green tentacles, like some of the great sea monsters he’d seen in storybooks! He wished for a weapon…and suddenly, he found his fingers grasping the hilt of a silver sword. He looked to the sword, then the hideous creature…then glared, and took his best battle stance, holding the sword ready, challenging the beast. The tentacles swept towards him. He jumped out of the way, hacking and slashing with the blade, chopping them into pieces…but each time he struck, two more tentacles came flying at him.! He ducked and dodged as quick as he could, whirling his blade about his head as fast as he could manage… …Then, suddenly, a tentacle grabbed his arm, and with a wrenching twist, tore the sword away! He gasped, as a tentacle then grabbed his other arm, and another green tendril lashed about his waist! Izuku watched in horror, as a fourth tentacle transformed; the end of it malformed like clay, turning into a huge, green, fang-filled maw. The hideous monster licked its lips…and with a roar, the maw came careening towards him, ready to swallow him whole! “AAAAGH!” Midoriya jolted, pushing himself upright in bed…then, he settled, and panted, flopping down again with a groan as he realized he’d been having a nightmare… …One can thus imagine his reaction when he rolled onto his back in bed…to find what looked like a huge horde of green, curling tendrils pushing through the bedroom window. “YIPE!” With a shrill, almost comical yelp, Midoriya flailed and fell out of bed with a thud. He froze, as he heard Kaminari – still asleep in his own bed – groan and grumble something about “pretty girls” in his slumber. For several moments, Midoriya didn’t move…then, he scrubbed at his eyes, and took a better look at the” tendrils” poking through the window. He had quite forgotten, in his alarm, what had happened the day before. He found that the whole room had a vague, greenish hue cast over it, and the source was soon clear. His eyes widened, amazed, and he was suddenly filled with a sense of action. In a flash, he threw on his green tunic, red shoes, vest, and cap, and fastened his white rope belt before creeping downstairs quickly but quietly, not wishing to wake Aizawa or Kaminari. He stepped out of his house, and craned his neck upwards, barely able to believe his own eyes: there, in all of its splendor, rooted not more than a couple yards away from the house…was a GIGANTIC beanstalk, such as there has never been in the history of any world! It was thicker than any tree in the forest; it stretched high, up and up and up – he couldn’t see the end of it! At length, Midoriya realized that it was stretching far, far out of sight, piercing the blue sky itself! “Just as Yagi said,” he breathed, and began to quiver, a smile slowly forming on his face as his eyes danced with delight. He hadn’t been tricked! He hadn’t been fooled! The beans WERE magic! Almost without thinking, Midoriya darted forward, and grabbed hold of the two lowest branches of the spiralling beanstalk. He paused for a moment…took a deep breath…and then began to climb. He climbed till he could see through his window into Kaminari’s room…he climbed till he could jump down and hop onto the roof, if he wished…he climbed till he could look down and see the whole farm in all its vastness. He climbed, and climbed, and climbed; he had no thought in his head to keep climbing. His arms and legs seemed to be working without his will guiding him, hauling him up, up, up! He thought he would have run out of breath, one way or another, yet somehow he STILL climbed! He could see the tops of the trees, he could see birds – who looked VERY befuddled – flit past. He could see the crest of the Sun as it rose in the East, just beyond the pearly castle of Ua. Higher and higher Midoriya went, never once considering how in the world he was going to get down again safely. His heart was pounding with unparalleled excitement; even just climbing the beanstalk was an adventure in itself! Each time he looked down, he felt no fear, but an overwhelming sense of freedom and awe; seeing how small and yet how vast the world was, all at the same time, the more height he gained. Up, up, up… …Till, finally…as he reached…his fingers brushed what felt like fine, powdery sand. It was as if he were at the entrance of a well, a sea of white just beyond his reach. He reached further…and realized the beanstalk had come to an end. For the briefest of moments, panic entered his heart, as he now realized the harrowing knowledge he would have to climb back down, and that would be much harder than going up…but then, he remembered the sand, and – taking a risk – he heaved himself up daringly and held his breath… …As he popped through the whole in the sky…and found himself standing on solid ground. He had reached the point where the sky itself came to an end. A world above the clouds. Midoriya stared around in awe, stumbling forward, too thunderstruck to speak as his jaw dropped and he took in the sights around him. Ahead of him stretched a long, wide road of blue, powdery earth. ENORMOUS trees – taller than any he had ever seen – stood before him: their trunks were silver, and their leaves were a pale, sugary white. The sky itself was a pale, unusual violet hue, with streaks of orange passing through it – the colors of sunset, but without the steady shift. That was just the color, all the time, he wagered. The air was uncannily still; a few times on the climb up, he’d had to pause to hold onto his cap, to keep his hat from being blown miles out of his grasp. Now, though…there was no wind at all. “Whoa,” he murmured to himself, unable to say anything else as he began to walk down the road, staring and staring at the peculiar new plane he had discovered. His heartbeat only continued to quicken; this was the most spectacular thing he’d ever experienced. GRRRLLLB… “Ah-ah!” Izuku winced sharply, scrunching his eyes shut as he paused in his walk, and clutched his stomach…then sighed as he rubbed it gently. “Right…didn’t eat breakfast this morning…or supper last night, for that matter,” he muttered, a little sourly. His stomach whined again, and he bit his lip; it actually felt quite painful, the hunger pangs scraping against his gut lining. He looked around, his mind leaving the sense of wild adventure in favor of the more practical desire for food. Another world or not, he figured there had to be SOMETHING to eat around here! Sure enough, his green eyes soon spotted something: a white bush, covered in dark purple berries, not unlike grapes. Curious, Midoriya approached the bush; the bush alone was TREMENDOUS, about the size of the toolshed back on the farm. Carefully. He reached out and plucked one of the grape-like fruits off the branches; they were the size of footballs. Midoriya sniffed at the berry; it smelled sweet, and he smiled before taking a bite…only to gag and sputter, spitting out chunks of the stuff as he dropped the berry and rapidly scrubbed at his tongue. “Ugh!” he choked. “It…it smells nice, but…it TASTES like frog skins! O-Or rotten fish!” His stomach whined, pleading for something. He sighed again, and rubbed it, mouth starting to water with hunger as he lurched onward, desperately looking around for something to eat as he left the foul-tasting berry bush behind. Whatever THOSE berries were, he could survive without them…they were probably toxic, anyway, given that flavor! On Midoriya traveled, and louder his stomach growled. Everything around him was larger than he was used to; he’d ducked when a huge shadow, which he thought was an eagle, flew past his head…and nearly thought he’d faint when he realized it was a black-and-blue-colored butterfly, drinking from a pink flower the size of a small tree. He shook his head and continued forward, hoping he might find some breakfast soon… …And then…he froze. What looked like a gray wooden bridge was stretched across a black river, which sparkled like a starry night sky. And on the other side of the bridge was a giant house; it was not as poor as the old farmhouse, nor as splendid as a nobleman’s manor…somewhere in the middle, Midoriya guessed. Despite this middling state of obvious expense, the place was bigger than any house he’d seen…except maybe one… “It’s as big as a Castle,” he breathed…and with a light shake of his head, he hustled forward towards the building, almost desperately. A place that big was bound to be home to some kind of adventure…and if he was lucky, he thought, adjusting his white belt, maybe it was home to some food, as well. Midoriya dashed across the bridge, till he came to the door of the big house. There was no hope of reaching the doorknob, and some sixth sense told Midoriya that knocking would not only be likely fruitless, but potentially dangerous: whoever lived here was clearly no ordinary person. His mind started to race, wondering what COULD live in this house above the sky: a demon? A dragon? A clown? Hey, clowns were creepy. Whatever the case, Izuku’s hunger had quite a grip on him, as did his curiosity; he wasn’t turning back now. He soon noticed there was a gap under the door – he guessed big enough for a mouse to wriggle under. It was telling of how small he was compared to everything else that Izuku was able to wiggle through this gap, and soon found himself standing inside the enormous house. The interior of the giant building matched the exterior: it was neither especially poor-looking, nor particularly grand. The overall style reminded Izuku of a hunting lodge: rugs that appeared to be made from animal skins covered the wooden floor, and weapons the size of boats were displayed. What looked like a cow’s skull was mounted in one spot…but the skull, as well as the skins, were far more monstrous in their dimensions than any animals of the same kind Midoriya had ever encountered. His attention was drawn away from his surroundings when a sumptuous smell caught his nose; his poor, empty belly growled, and he had to wipe some drool away from the corner of his mouth before creeping carefully in the direction of the smell. He truly did feel like a mouse right now; he had the distinct sensation of invading some larger, more physically superior creature’s territory. He had to be careful: he had no idea if the one(s) who lived here might be home. If he got caught, this adventure could be over FAR quicker than he liked. Thankfully, he didn’t get caught, as he scampered across the floor, and found his way to a warm, welcomingly-lit kitchen. He looked up, and his eyes lit up with joy; he almost squealed with glee! Eager as could be, he scurried up one of the table legs – he’d just climbed a beanstalk that reached to the sky, THIS was nothing – and hauled himself up onto the tabletop. A tremendous feast lay before him: a huge hambone, a roasted chicken, apple dumplings, a block of cheddar cheese, a half-rack of beef ribs, and a lamb stew with carrots and potatoes all sat upon the table. Not only were these six separate courses quite a substantial amount of food in general, but because everything around Izuku was at least twenty times bigger than normal, any ONE of these dishes would have been enough to feed him and his fellow farmers for a whole week. Midoriya grinned and clapped excitedly, as his mind immediately started turning: perhaps this was how he could become a hero! Some of this could bring food to the whole village, or at least be sold at market for more than enough money to help out around the farm! The question was how to carry it all back… GRRROOOUUURRRRG… He hissed and clutched his belly with both hands…and laughed weakly. “Right,” he murmured. “I, uh…I should probably NOT try thinking on an empty stomach, huh?” His tummy answered with a grumpy-sounding grumble. Midoriya patted it gently, and looked around the table…then – as if he couldn’t feel more rodent-like already – he made a beeline for the cheese. He knelt before the giant block, and licked his lips before sinking his hands into it, pulling away fistfuls of cheddar, peeling it away almost like clay. He inhaled the scent, relishing his well-earned feast, and then began to shovel the cheese into his mouth rapidly, gobbling it with almost animalistic abandon. He sighed after several mouthfuls, eyes fluttering closed as he chewed and then swallowed heavily. “GRULP!  Ahhhh…this is the best cheese I’ve ever had,” he crooned, and grinned wider than ever, stomach still roaring for more as he reached for another fistful… THUMP-A-THUMP-A-THUMP…! Midoriya froze. His ears pricked up as he heard a rhythmic, steady pounding; like some huge hammer slamming down again and again into the earth. He quickly recognized the sound to be footsteps. Very, VERY big footsteps. The sound grew louder, as whatever made the footstesps drew nearer. Midoriya turned fast and gasped as he saw a huge shadow come creeping across the wall, growing larger by the second! Thinking fast, he stuffed the last fistful of cheddar into his mouth…then, cheeks still bulging with the food, he hustled over to where he saw a salt and pepper shaker set, and ducked behind them quickly. No longer in the open, Midoriya peeked out from behind his hiding spot. His green eyes widened more than ever, terror striking his heart like a lightning bolt, as he saw the owner of the footsteps – the owner of the house – come swaggering into view. “A Giant!” The Giant stood at about fifty feet high, and the more Midoriya looked at the ogre, the more frightened he became. The titan was a handsome but imposing young man – roughly the same age as Izuku himself – with a head of spiky red hair that almost resembled flames. His eyes, too, were a shade of almost glowing scarlet, and as he yawned and stretched, Midoriya whimpered at the sight of a mouth full of razor-sharp, craggy-looking fangs. The young Giant wore a black vest lined with fluffy-looking red fur, and a pair of black leather trousers. Thick black boots were on his feet, and a long, flowing red sash was lashed about his middle The behemoth was bare-armed and bare-bodied, wearing no shirt beneath the vest; his abdomen was toned and athletic, rippling with powerful muscles, and his limbs were much the same. Between the colors, the fangs, and the overall size and demeanor of the Giant, Midoriya was trembling: he’d never met a giant, but he’d heard stories of them, and they were never very good. Giants were said to walk like men, but had appetites like devils; they would eat men, women, and children for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, often swallowing them whole. They would raid villages, devouring everyone and almost everything in sight, often never leaving till their bellies were swollen and heaving with all they had consumed. Then – despite their gargantuan masses – they would simply and suddenly disappear, with no evident explanation. To slay a giant was a feat few knights had succeeded in, and to meet a giant, for most people, was surely a death sentence. No one had ever figured out where they actually came from. It seemed Midoriya just had. Or, at least, he’d found where ONE of them came from. The scarlet-haired giant thankfully never noticed Midoriya; he smiled as he clapped his hands together and rubbed them eagerly, looking over the food on the table. Izuku ducked back behind the shaker to avoid being seen. “Well…now that that’s taken care of,” the Giant mumbled, seemingly talking to its own food, “I’ve just gotta get a drink, and we’ll be ready! Don’t worry, breakfast: I’ll introduce you to my belly soon enough!” The Giant cackled and patted his muscular, trim belly in emphasis, then began to hum a jaunty tune as he strode over to another part of the kitchen. Midoriya gaped as he looked around the table for a moment. Breakfast…ALL of this…was breakfast for ONE giant?! No wonder their appetites were legendary. At least nothing here was alive…except for Midoriya himself, he realized, with a shudder. A sound of running fluid caught the youth’s attention, and he peeked out from behind the shaker. The Giant had stomped over to large barrel or keg, with a faucet stuck into it. From the spigot poured a stream of what looked and smelled like cherry cider. (Absently, Midoriya wondered how many cherries on HIS world it would take to fill a barrel of cider that big.) The Giant was smiling a happy, cheery smile as he watched the cider fill the thick clay mug he was holding… …Then, as he turned the dial to stop the flow, his mug filled…he froze. Midoriya saw the Giant frown in confusion…then, the red-eyed monster lifted his head up and began to sniff the air. His nostrils flared, becoming huge black holes as his ears pricked up, clearly alert. Midoriya internally cursed, biting his lip and ducking back behind the salt shaker as he heard the Giant approach the table again. He heard the dull “clunk” of the huge mug being put down… “Hmmmm…something smells good around here,” the Giant mumbled. “And it’s not the food…” Midoriya fought the urge to whimper, hugging himself and curling in on himself. His heart pounded with terror as he heard the ogre begin to search room; he could hear him open the larder and the cupboards…then heard the rattling of dishes as he searched the table itself, sniffing at the air all the while. “Please don’t find me,” he whispered to himself in a breathless prayer. “Oh, please don’t find me…please, please don’t find me…” The hopes were vain ones, and he knew it; the Giant could smell him, and once it found him, he had no doubt he’d a VERY intimate experience with those razor sharp teeth. Mind racing, Midoriya looked towards the edge of the table; perhaps he could make a break for it, scramble down the table leg and find a better place to hide, then head back home via the beanstalk. But then he’d be leaving empty-handed…empty-handed was better than dead, though… Just as he was measuring his options, his blood ran cold as he felt the shakers he’d been hiding behind get lifted away…and an ominous, thorny-looking shadow fell over him. He gulped nervously…and, very slowly, looked upwards towards the source of the shadow. The blood red eyes of the Giant fell upon him. The ogre tilted its head…and then grinned, showing off all of those huge, jagged teeth. “Oh! Hi, little guy!” the Giant boomed. “What are you doing here?” NOPE, was all Midoriya could think, as he leapt to his feet and sprinted towards the edge of table. “Hey, now, don’t leave in such a rush!” Midoriya squealed as a huge hand swooped down and grabbed hold of him. He froze, not daring to squirm, as for a few moments, he was wrapped up in huge fingers that felt like pythons coiled around him, pressed against a palm that was both soft and somewhat leathery in texture. He could feel gravity change around him, sensed himself being lifted higher… …Then jolted as a second hand joined the fray, cupping him gently as the fingers parted slightly, revealing a red eye about as large as he was tall. “Peek-a-boo!” sang out a voice, followed by a snigger. The fingers then parted fully, and Midoriya found himself sitting the middle of the Giant’s hands, the huge titan smiling down at him widely. “Hey there!” the Giant sang out gaily. “I’m Kirishima! Eijiro Kirishima! What’s your name, little fella?”

To Be Continued…

[bitchesgetriches]

Hi Aunties! I feel financially stuck & could use some advice. I’m 26, have a great paying job, debt free besides a mortgage that I’m able to make extra payments on each month, and have an emergency savings. I’ve kept my head down and worked really hard but what I’ve realized is that the majority of my income is sitting in my bank account and that I’m hoarding my money. I grew up extremely poor and now that I don’t have to struggle I don’t know what the hell to do! I’m appreciative and relieved, while also being terrified to risk my savings in any way that could send me back to the paycheck to paycheck grind. How do I grow confidence with money and learn what to do when I have it?? Thank you! Xx

Dearest yellow tulip! This is nothing to be ashamed of and we have a world of sympathy for you. It’s REAL fucking hard to be raised in an environment of extreme scarcity, only to transition into abundance. It fucks with your head, for sure. 

So the first thing you should do is read this two-parter:

Ask the Bitches: I Know How to Struggle and Fight, but I Don't Know How to Succeed  Update: I Know How to Struggle and Fight, but I Don’t Know How to Succeed 

Next, I suggest you ease yourself in gradually to the idea of not keeping all your money in a basic bank account. You can do that first by setting up a HISA/HYSA (high interest/yield savings account) and maybe a CD. Both are ways to grow your money WITHOUT risking it. The return is much lower than investing, but that’s because there’s much less risk. 

Once you get used to that, take a portion to open an IRA, an employer-sponsored retirement account like a 401(k), or both. Everyone should have a retirement account, and while it IS risky to put your money in the stock market, the returns are a lot higher than a savings account AND the stock market historically trends upward. 

Here is some advice that should walk you through everything AND put your mind at ease:

When Money in the Bank Is a Bad Thing: Understanding Depreciation Expense

How to Level Up Your Financial Savings: From HISAs to CDs 

Investing Deathmatch: Investing in the Stock Market vs. Just… Not 

Dafuq Is a Retirement Plan and Why Do You Need One? 

[popculturebuffet]

Darkwing Duck Reviews Halloween Special: Fungus Amongus and Ghoul of My Dream

Happy Halloween! Halloween Havoc races to the finish with another Darkwing Double Feature! Love is kinda crazy with a spooky girl like Morgana, and in this case “kinda crazy” means a board of ghouls stealing pizza, sentient mushrooms, grumpy spiders, student lone debt, and a gremlin who somehow sees himself as a valid romantic option. It’s a Darkwing Duck Halloween under the cut.+

We’ve made it! While I got less Halloween reviews done than I would’ve liked, I’m still happy with the ones done and there’s still two more to get in the pocket before the day’s up. So with Halloween today it seemed fitting to talk about the Justice Ducks resident sorcerer and Darkwing’s Girlfriend, Morgana Macawber. Morgana was the only one of the four to stick around as a recurring character out of the four Justice Ducks: Gizmoduck would show up once more after the four parter, and sadly Neptunia and Stegamutt just seemed to vanish but the crew clearly liked Morg a lot and her relationship with Darkwing, so she stuck around for the rest of the series, and is even the focus of the final episode “Malice’s Restaurant”, as well as a sizeable part of the comics. And it’s easy to see why as Kathie Sourcie had great chemistry with Jim Cummings and Morgana’s very presence, being a sorceress raised by the munsters and living in a creepy mansion, allowed for diffrent stories than what Darkwing usually dealt with. While magic didn’t feel like it contrasted with the world, as Darkwing’s world feels like your standard superhero fantasy kitchen sink where anything is possible, most of his foes were either super villains or the kinds of super spies you’d find in a comic book. So fighting ghoouls, goblins, and Satan himself, yes that’s an episode that actually happened, no it’s sadly not on Disney plus, and yes I will be covering it eventually, was a nice out of genre experience and a nice way to put our daring duck of mystery out of his element.

She brought something diffrent to the table, both forcing Darkwing to grapple with letting someone into his life, and with having something to focus on other than Gosalyn or crime. So I wanted to see how this plays out, so expect me to cover all her episodes and not just the Satan one or the Valentine’s Day one, though like my Tom Lucitor retrospective, expect this one to also take some time. So with that all set up, Halloween is the perfect time to begin our journey with her first two episodes.. and Morgana’s Villian Career. Yeah while she only had about 9 episodes to her name, 2 of them are as a Catwoman or Black Cat style antagonist, someone whose likeable and who are hero is attracted to, but is on the wrong side of the law.

She eventually came around, but it’s still an intresting way to start things and an intresting dilema for our hero I wish stuck around for just a smidge longer. These aren’t bad episodes with Ghoul of My Dreams being a pretty good one. If I had to guess though the reason the dynamic fizzled out.. is they simply didn’t have a lot of ideas of how to use her as a bad guy. Part of the reason i’m covering these two episodes together is that they follow basically the same plot beat, the only differences being Darkwing meets Morgana in the first one and they know each other in the second, and that the evil entity who ends up turning against her she works with is different for both. The third act is also entirely unique to each episode, so it feels less like them lazily repeating themselves on an episode and more like they genuinely realized they didn’t have a ton of ideas for Morgana as a villain and thus had her reform with the Justice Ducks two parter. And I can’t blame them: fan would get annoyed if basically every Morgana plot played out the same, and this way she could know Drake’s secret identity, and thus allow the stories to use Gosalyn, though I do wish she’d shown up in one of the villian ones just to see how that played out. But still her time as a Villian is there, and is even a plot point in the valentine’s episode, so let’s see how it played out and see what I think.

Fungus Amongus

The plot here is fairly simple: there’s been a rash of mysterious thefts in St. Canard, and Darkwing is stumped.. until Launchpad asks if they can go for pizza, because he’s hungry and Darkwing is the terrible kind of boss that doesn’t’t care about meal breaks. It makes our hungry hero realize that each of the thefts are connected to PIzza Toppings, and after thwarting the bats and spiders stealing some anchovies, figures there’s only two left: Green Peppers and Mushrooms, and so he decides it’s time to split up gang and while Launchpad guards the peppers, Darkwing goes to visit the head of the mushrom company, who naturally turns out to be Morgana. The two end up taken with one another, to the board’s annoyance as Darkwing is onto them and could stop their whole evil plan and they want to just murder his ass and be done with it. But Morgana proves seduction’s a bit more useful as she sweetalks our hero into leaving, and points out given he’s also a creature of the night in a sense, she plans to turn him.. or kill him if she has to. More on that in our next episode. The facade dosen’t last long as Darkwing goes to help launchpad at the pepper place, and ends up finding out oh no the hot lady he met five minutes ago is bad! While the board plans to feed Launchpad to mutant mushrooms, while Morgana seemingly turns Darkwing into her mindless slave.. but really just played the board and switched sides, not wanting to hurt the guy she just met because he’s cute, they defeat the mushrooms and the board who turn into mushrooms in the light because....

The day is saved though we do get the one standout bit of the episode. Darkwing despite his attraction to her, wants to turn her in, while Morgana simply teleports her house away. And thus the dance begins. As for the episode... as you can tell by how brief I was... for one i’m not doing my usual died in wool recapping for these two to get them out on time. And i’m also not because this one.. is pretty thin. The mutant mushroom and boards’d esigns are cool and Morgana is intresting.. but having seen Ghoul of my Dreams first.. it’s just not as fun, funny or good on the Morgana Darkwing dynamic. Morgana just decides because she wants to ride that dick she’ll be good for a moment, and throw away her hard worked scheme, and the board is turned into mushrooms because.. well see the lex luger pic above. It’s not a TERRIBLE episode, just not a terribly intresting one. It has good elements, but they just don’t come together well and the pizza scheme isn’t as funny as the episode thinks it is. I can kinda see why this one was buried deeper into the series and Ghoul of My Dreams is where they put focus. I just don’t have a lot to say about this one, it’s just bland and uninteresting. It’s kind of why I just sorta plopped it next to Ghoul, I needed to review it for completion’s sake, but lord if I can think of a lot to say about it that isn’t tied into the next one. So since I can’t...

Ghoul of my Dreams:

Now this is better. The basic plot is still simple but allows for a lot more intresting set pieces: It’s a slow night in St. Canard, to Darkwing’s natural annoyance, until a bunch of fire fighters start sleepwalking and throwing gold to some spiders and bats. Something is afoot and since the bats belong to Morgana, Darkwing goes to investigate her. Granted we just MET eek and squeak, but it’s easy enough to assume Morgana struck again off screen and some time has passed. And i’ts honestly what makes this episode more interesting: now it’s more of a cat and mouse game, with Morgana using their chemistry against him, but still being genuinely drawn to him and not wanting to hurt him. It’s better than “I met you five minutes ago might as well throw away my money for you”.  Instead Morg truly likes Drake, but wants to keep doing crimes to, in easily the best joke of the entire series “Finally pay off my student loans”.. which makes her already not really a bad guy. I may not haves em but I know people who do. Those loan people do not play around. It’s investing and Sourcie and Cumming’s chemstiry really makes it pop. Sourcie really is what makes the character, giving her energy, sedcutivness when called for and a really sympathetic quality that makes her face turn, sudden as it is, believable. It’s why I really like the character. And I get why some don’t: Her romance with darkwing is sudden,  her face turn is even more sudden, and she gets in the way of Drakepad shippers. The first two are valid criticisms, while the last one is understandable.. depending on motive. If your just bummed this relationship you don’t like is forced into the show and gets in the way of the one you actually enjoy.. trust me...

BEEN THERE. And far far worse.. I didn’t start up an entire retrospective on the guy who DIDN’T get the girl here for nothing. But if you say “oh well it’s homophobic or you hate gays” if you don’t ship drakepad, which I have actually heard for both this ship and delpad.. kindly go fuck yourself and stay away from my posts. It’s NOT homophobic to ship a character who is CANOCIALLY into women, with a woman. Launchpad had a girl of the week or two in ducktales, Drake’s attraction to morgana is canon and he also had some ship tease with Neptunia. They both like women.. but there’s nothing saying they DON’T like men, don’t want to date men, or aren’t attracted to them.

Been waiting to reference Schitt’s Creek at some point here now i’ve started watching it. It’s biphobic to say this sort of harmful shit, and it doesn’t’t help there are plenty of gay people who genuinely believe bi and pan aren’t sexualities and harm their own community by doing so. Saying this kind of shit just fuels their fire and bi people like me and pan people like my firend have a hard enough time with straight people being dicks about this. You should know and be better. Don’t bring that shit into this fandom. We’ve already ridden incest out on a rail we don’t need this. I already put up with enough bullshit being a loud house fan and having to deal with ACTUAL homophobic ships like Sam/Lincoln, aka setting up a character you don’t know to be anything but gay, versus her girlfriend whose canocially been shown to be bi if preferring women, whose the proment and well like love interest of a woman, and pair her with her younger brother to clearly troll people. Now that’s a homophobic ship and that you shoudl be angry about, not “oh no the person who likes women in canon.. LIKES A WOMAN IN FANON”. It’s part of what made shiping delpad hard at times because people got really dumb about it to the point someone drew some very horrible fanart just to clog up the tag. Knock. it off.

And if your curious for my actual thoughts on Drakepad: in the classic series.. i’m not a fan, but I get it, and I do think they could work... it’s just. that Drake treats Launchpad really bad, including throwing him out of the house for a year without telling him why over something that really wasn’t his fault, not feeding him, not treating him as an equal after a while. This would have to change for them to work but I could see it happening, as the comics and one of the peisodes make a point that Drake can be a pretty shitty partner to Morgana too.

And just to show i’m equal opprtunity, despite shipping Delpad in the past, i’ve moved on to Penpad and Drakepad , ironcially enough, i’m not as big a fan anymore. LIke the above, Della just dosen’t respect launchpad as a human being. She was willing to keep the Halloween thing up JUST to scare children, looks down on him, and whie is his friend, is not all that close. I could see them happening, and do still think it’d be cute, it’d just take a ton of work and there are better ships for both. And yes I do ship Drakepad in the reboot, but there the two aren’t employer and employee, but equals who genuinely love and respect one another, listen to one another, and value each other. In the Reboot they have genuine chemistry and I could see them together, while in the original Launchpad and Morgana both really deserve better.

Now that’s settled, we get a fun scene of the two primping for each other. then flirting a bit, though Morgana, in AWFUL looking black lipstick wins with the move above and has her spider web launchpad, who hates morgana.. which is one part common sense given how darkwing gets around her and one part ho yay. But yeah this is pretty much Launchpad for both these episodes.

And darkwing dick is calling the shots so fair enough. But Morgana is once again nto wokring alone and is working with a creepy, well designed gremlin, named Nodoff... eh i’ve heard worse, whose giving her sleeping dust to knock out her targets and hits on her constnatly. Naturally he plans to betray her as soon as he can, and is likely only tolerating her because he wants to hit that.  There dynamic boils down to this.

There’s also tons of fun dream sequences including one at the top with darkwing being confronted by his enitre Rogue’s gallery before seeing morgana, NOdoff using baseball on Morg’s next target and some great ones at the climax. It’s part of hwy I like this episode better: While someone using dreams for stuff has been done a lot, it’s given a creative spin here as instead of killing them, Morgana’s simply using them to steal. Good stuff.

Darkwing foils their first attempt, though gets blamed for it because St. Canard is about as grateful as New York when it comes to superheroes. Morgana knocks darkwing out with some dust via Eeka and Squeak and admits Nodoff is working for her, though fobids him to harm Darkwing. This.. dosen’t last and we get another great setpiece, of sarkwing on a high dive. Thankfully, Launchpad finds him, and they find Morgana, who gives off the student loans comment. But in the struggle to stop her, Darkwing accidently puts her and the city to sleep.. and Nodoff is now super powerful and imprisons morgana. Darkwing i s back at her house, wondering what to do, but the bats give him a clue.. by flying him thorugh the door to fight Nodoff. It goes about as well as you’d expect with him freeing Morgana.. then trying to murder them both. Darkwing however pulls an Elm Streett 3 and says to think happy thoughts and take control of the dream.. which ends up at Darkwing’s Wedding to Morgana to his horror..... remind me whose the hero again. The woman who, while doing crimes is trying to pay off unfair debts, or the guy who finds the idea of commitment horrifying.  

Anyways we get some more great bits, I brush over them so I don’t ahve to talk about them conantly, including darkwing getting a cake on him, before Darkwing turns the tables by finding the hourglass full of the dust.. and in a clever finale, loading it into his gun and firing it on nodoff. This puts him to sleep.. which puts him in the real world, while Launchpad uses a giant alarm clock to wake everyone. They throw NOdoff back into the dream world.. for some reason.. and the episode ends iwth morgana kissing darkwing and the episode possibly having been all a dream.

This one, while I was again breif, is a classic, with a much more interesting dynamic. Instead of a morgana who goes from willing to kill we get one whose conflicted over things, who clearly wants to be a crook but may like darkwing more than that, as evidenced when he talks her out of taking Nodoff’s offer of riches. It’s good stuff and the gags are back to the show’s usual top notch level. It’s a creative, fun episode that really helps Morgana come into her own and I look forward to more of her. Overall i’d recommend skipping fungus amongus, but DEFINTELY check out ghoul of my dreams, as it’s throughly fantastic. I’ll be back in a bit for one last Halloween review and as always you can find my backlog on my blog. i recently covered Tiff of the Titans and there’s regular ducktales coverage every monday. Until then make sure to vote, wear a mask and check your house for gary busey till we meet again! Play us out Gerard Way!

[deathsmallcaps]

PJO TV Plans

So before even the first little HINT about the PJO Disney+ show, I was making plans for a Riordan-verse tv show.

So each season would have twenty episodes, with 8-9 episodes per book and in the middle, two episodes based on short stories or myths. This would allow for the actors, who would obviously be age-matching kids, to grow and still be the appropriate ages for each story. 

As we would eventually run out of actual Riordan books, we would move on to Riordan Presents books. Here’s my plans! Let me know what you think and if/how i should clarify!

(Bold is Season, italic is middle/short story episodes, and strikethrough is book. I often show the extents of each episode through chapter titles or quotes found on the wiki plot summaries of each book. If using chapter title, that means it uses every chapter until the next mentioned one.)

Season 1

The Lightning Thief Field Trip

Going to Camp

Claiming + Getting Ready For A Quest

Starting the Quest 

Going Further West

Las Vegas + Reaching the Underworld (until Charon is bribed. We catch a glimpse of Nico and Bianca in Las Vegas)

Cerberus part + Fighting Ares

The End

The Demigod Diaries: Diary of Luke Castellan

Percy Jackson’s Greek Gods: Parts 1-4

Percy Jackson’s Greek Gods: Part 5

Percy Jackson’s Greek Gods: Part 6-7

The Sea of Monsters Meriwether College Prep

Returning to Camp

The Quest Begins

The Hydra + The Sea of Monsters

C.C.’s Spa and Resort + The Sirens (first paragraph as denouement for episode.)

The rest of The Sirens (expands Annabeth’s flashback)

Polyphemus

Ending

Season 2

The Titan’s Curse Westover Hall + The Hunters + Thalia Attempts to Drive 

Percy’s Latest Dreams (Expands Capture the Flag a bit maybe)

The Hunters, A Demigod, and a Satyr Team Up

The Smithsonian

Junkyard of the Gods

The Hoover Dam

Percy Takes the Titan’s Curse

The Council of the Gods

The Demigod Files: Percy Jackson and the Stolen Chariot

Percy Jackson’s Greek Gods: Parts 8-9 (9 is more like an ending plot, a quick one.)

The Battle of the Labyrinth Orientation

Arriving at Camp

Into the Labyrinth

The Triple G Ranch + To Hephaestus’ Forges

Calypso

Back Into the Labyrinth

The Lost God

Return to Camp

The Demigod Files: Percy Jackson and the Bronze Dragon

The Demigod Files: Percy Jackson and the Sword of Hades

Season 3

The Last Olympian Blowing Up the Princess Andromeda

Poseidon’s Kingdom + The War Council and the Great Prophecy (3rd paragraph as the denouement/end of episode)

The War Council and the Great Prophecy (the rest) + The Last Olympian

Percy Jackson’s Greek Gods: Parts 10-11 

The Underworld

Percy Jackson’s Greek Gods: Part 12 

A Visit from the God of Messengers

The Battle Begins

Percy Jackson’s Greek Gods: Parts 13-14 

Percy’s Dreams + Prometheus Visits the Campers

Hyperion, The Flying Pigs, and the Party Ponies

Percy Jackson’s Greek Gods: Parts 15-16 

Dionysus, Old Friends, Drakons, and the Spy

Percy Jackson’s Greek Gods: Parts 17-18

Back to Olympus

The Cursed Blade

Everyone Receives a Gift

Percy Jackson’s Greek Gods: Parts 19-21

Percy Jackson and The Singer of Apollo

The Demigod Diaries: The Staff of Hermes

Season 4

The Lost Hero The Grand Canyon

Camp Half-Blood 

A Quest is Given

The North Wind

Detroit + The Sorceress and the Gold King (3rd Paragraph) (This is a 2-parter with the next episode)

The Sorceress and the Gold King

The Hunters of Artemis + Aeolus and the Real Enemy (First 2 paragraphs)

Aeolus and the Real Enemy + Mount Diablo

The Wolf House

A Change of Power and Bunker 9 + Mysteries are Unveiled

The Demigod Diaries: Leo Valdez and the Quest for Buford

Percy Jackson’s Greek Heroes: Parts 1-2

The Red Pyramid Beginning to the Blowing up incident

Rest of the Second Paragraph

First 2 sentences of 3rd Paragraph, maybe mixed up more with the latter half of the second paragraph

Book Heist

Graceland + Learn about Feather of Truth

Duat + Sobek attack

Fourth Paragraph

Fifth Paragraph

Season 5

The Throne of Fire First Paragraph

2nd Paragraph until they mention the birthday; that’s introduced at the end of the episode.

Birthday Adventure

3rd paragraph

4th paragraph

5th paragraph

6th Paragraph

7th + 8th Paragraphs

9th + 10th Paragraphs

The Demigod Diaries: Son of Magic

Percy Jackson’s Greek Heroes: Part 3

The Son of Neptune Going to Camp Jupiter

War Games and Receiving a Quest (may spill over into next due to long backstories)

Meeting with Phineas

Meeting the Amazons

Learning the Family Gift

Arriving in the Land Beyond the Gods

Fighting Alcyoneus and Freeing Thanatos

Joining the Defensive

Promotion, Revelations, and Reunions

Season 6

The Mark of Athena Uniting the Camps until the toast

Uniting the Camps

On the Run (until “Just after the god leaves”)

“She shows on the tour” 

“Once docked in the harbor” 

Entering the Mediterranean Sea

The man introduces himself as Chrysaor

As Annabeth gets Deeper under the city

The three quickly arrive at their lair

Reuniting + Ending

Percy Jackson’s Greek Heroes: Parts 4 + 8

The House of Hades First 2 paragraphs

Paragraphs 3-4 + First 2 sentences of 5th paragraph

Paragraphs 5- “he is turned into a plant.” 

“he is turned into a plant.” to Paragraph 8

Paragraphs 9-11

Paragraphs 12-14

Paragraphs 15-17

Paragraph 18 to “Doors of Death, which vanish.” 

Remainder

Season 7

The Blood Of Olympus The Suitors

Earthen Ghosts

Percy Jackson’s Greek Heroes: Part 5

Subduing Nike

Percy Jackson’s Greek Heroes: Part 6

Lycaon

Percy Jackson’s Greek Heroes: Part 7

Unleashing the Makhai

Percy Jackson’s Greek Heroes: Part 9

Orion

Percy Jackson’s Greek Heroes: Part 10

Kymopoleia + Pegasus

Percy Jackson’s Greek Heroes: Part 11

Meeting Asclepius

Percy Jackson’s Greek Heroes: Part 12 (part A)

Thwarting the Giants + Orion Defeat (to “Tyson shows up”)

Percy Jackson’s Greek Heroes: Part 12 (part B)

The rest of Orion Defeat

Percy Jackson’s Greek Heroes: Parts 13-14

Defeating Gaea + The Ending

Season 8

The Serpent’s Shadow First half of first Paragraph

Second half of first Paragraph

Paragraph 2

Paragraph 3 to Paragraph 4’s second sentence

The rest of Paragraph 4 to Paragraph 5’s first sentence + Paragraph 6

The remainder of Paragraph 5 + Paragraph 6’s first sentence

Paragraph 7 except for last sentence.

Last sentence of paragraph 7 to end

Son of Sobek

The Staff of Serapis

The Crown of Ptolemy

The Sword of Summer A Homeless Death (first four paragraphs)

Remainder of A Homeless Death + Reborn as an Einherji (first 2 paragraphs)

Remainder of Reborn as an Einherji

Retrieving Sumarbrander (first 2 paragraphs)

Remainder of Retrieving Sumarbrander

The Craftmanship Duel

Information from Thor

Versus Fenris Wolf and Surt (first 2 paragraphs)

Remainder of Story

Season 9

The Hidden Oracle A God Made Human Again (First 3 Paragraphs)

Remainder of A God Made Human Again 

Time at Camp Half-Blood 

The Three-Legged Death Race 

Into The Woods 

Calming the Grove (First 3 paragraphs)

Remainder of Calming the Grove + Fighting the Colossus Neronis (first paragraph)

Fighting the Colossus Neronis (second paragraph)

Remainder of story

Camp Half-Blood Confidential Part 1 - Apollo’s Version

Camp Half-Blood Confidential Part 2 - First half of Percy’s Version

Camp Half-Blood Confidential Part 3 - Second half of Percy’s Version

The Hammer of Thor Training with a New Roommate (first and second paragraph)

Remainder of Training with a New Roommate

An Undead Trap

Paying Off Hearthstone’s Debt

Meeting Heimdall + Giant Bowling (First 2 sentences)

Giant Bowling

The Wedding (up until Despite Magnus trying to pull him back up)

Remainder of the story

Season 10

The Dark Prophecy Welcome to Waystation (First 2 paragraphs)

Remainder of Welcome to Waystation + Liberating the Griffins (first paragraph)

Remainder of Liberating the Griffins

Obtaining the Throne of Memory to “like at the Camp Half-blood forest”

“like at the Camp Half-blood forest” to end of the second paragraph

Obtaining the Throne of Memory (Last paragraph to Into the Oracle “that she may be Apollo’s daughter.”)

Into the Oracle (Remainder of first paragraph)

Remainder of story

9 from the Nine Worlds: Just Another Decapitated Head (it would be ambiguously set so at this point, people wouldn’t be able to tell this was set after they save the world.)

The Burning Maze Wandering the Maze

Finding Hedge at Macro’s Military Madness to “immobilizes the Praetor.”

Remainder of Finding Hedge at Macro’s Military Madness

Recruiting Piper McLean

Battling Medea to “knocking her out.”

Remainder of Battling Medea to Meeting up with Jason Grace (First paragraph)

Remainder of Meeting up with Jason Grace

Tragedy on the Julia Drusilla Yachts to “by and for horses.” 

Remainder of Tragedy on the Julia Drusilla Yachts

Puzzles in the Burning Maze to “prophecy is complete.”

Remainder of Story

Season 11

The Ship of The Dead Meeting Percy, Traveling to the Chase Mansion + Leaving Valhalla

This Is Why I Hate Clothes Shopping+ Goal Achieved! Sort of...

Aegir’s Court + The Chat with Njord + Crew Members’ Background History

This Little Light of Mine, I’m Gonna Let It Shine

More Tormenting Dreams + Meeting Hrungnir

Creating Pottery Barn + Daily (Nightly?) Dreams

Speaking of Trolls...

Fighting Hrungnir

Slaying Alderman + Retrieving the Whetstone of Bolverk

My Eighth-Grade Physics Actually Comes in Handy

Meeting Frigg in Flam

Nice Doggy

Fighting the Thralls of Baugi + Meeting Gunlod and Obtaining Kvasir’s Mead

So’s Your Face!

Fighting Suttung and Baugi + Journey to the Fortress of Skadi + Meeting Skadi to "can elaborate further."

Well, That was Surprising

Remainder of Meeting Skadi + The Battle on the Naglfar

I Play with Fire 

The Flyting + Escape from the Naglfar + Party with the Gods (first paragraph)

Remainder of Story

Season 12

The Tyrant’s Tomb Landing in San Francisco and Airborne Attacks

Arriving at Camp Jupiter 

A New Prophecy … Senate Meeting

Heading To the Tomb … and Second Thoughts (“Frank calls for a war game”)

Dreams of Destruction (“As Apollo, Meg and”) … Journey to the Soundless God (“ravens to retreat”)

Journey to the Soundless God (“They reach the platform”) … The Second Wave Begins (“to the ground below”)

The Second Wave Begins (“The next thing Apollo”) … Two-on-Two Fight to the Death (“takes on Apollo”)

Two-on-Two Fight to the Death (“the fight starts”) … Second Encounter With Tarquin (“more of his hoard”)

Second Encounter With Tarquin (“Only nothing happens”) … Remainder

Son of Magic

Demigods of Olympus, like those Minecraft choose your adventure episodes on Netflix. When showing on TV they pick the most popular route probably. 

Aru Shah and the End of Time Unleashing the Sleeper

Traveling to the Otherworld

Claiming

The Sprig of Youth

Night Bazaar

Library

Kingdom of Death

Back to the Museum

The End?

(I am writing this as of May 21, 2020, and only prepared for the books I’ve read so far. I’m working on it. And there may be more additional content later to fill in as the mid-season changes, but I don’t have it as of this minute. I will update in a reblog later.)

Season 13 Aru Shah and the Song of Death AND The Tower of Nero (Camp Jupiter Classified: A Probatio’s Journal)

Season 14 Aru Shah and the Tree Of Wishes AND The Storm Runner (Brooklyn House Magician’s Manual)

Season 15 The Fire Keeper AND Aru Shah And the City of Gold (Hotel Valhalla: Guide to the Norse Worlds)

Season 16 The Shadow Crosser AND Aru Shah Book 5

Season 17 

Sal and Gabi Break the Universe I want them to go first for spacing but I 

haven’t read these books yet. I have read the first Tristan Strong book at 

the moment.

space

space

space

space

space

space

space

space

Tristan Strong Punches a Hole in the Sky Chapters 1-5

Chapters 6-12

Chapters 13-18

Chapters 19-25

Chapters 26-31

Chapters 32-36

Chapters 37-41

Chapters 42-46

Chapters 47-51

Season 18 Sal and Gabi Fix the Universe AND Tristan Strong Destroys the World

Season 19 Paola Santiago and the River of Tears AND City of the Plague God

Season 20 Paola Santiago Book 2 AND The Last Fallen Star

Season 21 Dragon Pearl AND Race to The Sun

And that’s what I have so far lol

[not-poignant]

Pia please post the lines in These Troubled Times that refer to Sir Raven Prince and his debt because I am trying to post them to you so I can scream at you about them but they won't fit in the ask box so you have to put them in and then imagine me screaming at you please

asdlkfjsdafsa

Your wish is my command, anon!

All of these are from These Troubled Times and they refer specifically to the Raven Prince being painfully aware of what is coming in his life (that was referenced in the latest chapter of The Ice Plague)-

‘You are troubled,’ Augus repeated, frowning. He reached up slowly, gave the Raven Prince plenty of time to step away. But the Raven Prince didn’t move away, and Augus touched fingers to the Raven Prince’s cheek, stroking gently before dropping his hand. ‘You are troubled, my liege, and it is more than just the serpents that lurk within your home.’

‘I can handle the serpents,’ the Raven Prince said, staring ahead.

‘Does that imply there is something you cannot handle? For you are resourceful, truly, and you will overcome anything you set your mind to.’

‘No,’ the Raven Prince said, smiling as though Augus were not even in the room. A private thing, intended only for himself. ‘No, I cannot.’

And:

‘I have this strange fantasy,’ the Raven Prince said, voice low and urgent. ‘I imagine that I have met you not now, in this cracked and broken world where we have all become the playthings of Mages. I imagine that I have met you tens of thousands of years ago, before I was King, before you were Courtier. Have you ever imagined similar?’

Augus swallowed, stared at him.

He hadn’t, exactly. But he’d imagined…what it might be like to truly have the Raven Prince as a friend and confidante. How the circumstances would need to be different that they could meet on an equal footing, and discourse as companions.

‘The playthings of Mages? You are a Mage,’ Augus said, and then he smiled. ‘You make playthings of all of us.’

‘Would that it were that simple,’ the Raven Prince said

And now I am imagining this:

There will be a very direct dialogue reference to this specific short twice in the next chapter of The Ice Plague, for anyone who still hasn’t read this short two-parter and its prequel. (Particularly for folks interested in this storyline, I mean if you’re not you can just skip it lol).

[lovehaswonangelnumbers]

New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/horoscopes-for-september-15th-2019-to-september-22nd-2019/

Horoscopes for September 15th, 2019 to September 22nd, 2019

Horoscopes for September 15th, 2019 to September 22nd, 2019

By Nadia Gilchrist

Overview

Mercury and Venus in Libra oppose Chiron Rx in Aries on September 16th and 17th respectively. Harmonious/polite words and relationship prompts will confront hurtful situations – compromise will be difficult, but it’s also prime time to confront an obvious sore spot that’s been glossed over. 

Mercury squares Saturn and the Nodes on September 22nd, presenting a difficult, limiting choice. You’ll be caught between outdated rules from the past versus a new, less familiar situation. Saying the right thing or achieving social harmony will be again be difficult, but the best path is always forward (no matter what you choose, you won’t be able to make everyone happy so you might as well look ahead).

Saturn stations direct on September 18th, bringing slow but steady progress around all limits, authority, structures or endings. Official situations can also see progress after delays. 

September 21st brings the third and final Jupiter/Neptune square (the previous two squares occurred on Jan 13th and Jun 16th). Illusions are expanded and dreams exaggerated, as belief versus hope trigger a crisis. The desire to escape, overdo it or place your faith in a false prophet can be tricky to navigate, but with the final square you should be presented with a truth. 

Aries

Mercury/Venus in your partnership sector opposite Chiron Rx in your sign suggest painful relationship conversations. An attraction, a partner’s expression of love or efforts to compromise can trigger your wounds or set off your fear of certain relationship issues.   As Mercury goes on to square the South Node/Saturn in your career sector and North Node in you domestic sector, watch for a one-on-one conversation that pushes you to decide between ambition versus family or past versus future. A business partner or competitor can increase your awareness of heavy professional duties. In some cases a relationship could be inappropriate. 

Saturn direct in your career sector signals slow but steady progress regarding a job search, career decision or professional responsibilities. If your career is going well, rewards for your hard work could be forthcoming. If things are not going so well, Saturn direct can push you towards an ending or inevitable result. 

Jupiter/Neptune triggers the final episode of a euphoric but illusory situation – watch as disillusionment or lack of faith reveals a truth. Issues involving travel, education, legal matters, publishing or belief may be exaggerated and based on deception or what you don’t want to admit. This scenario will date back to Jan 13th and Jun 16th. 

Taurus

Mercury/Venus in your sector of routine opposite Chiron Rx suggest that a hidden wound or insecurity can trigger an imbalance in a work or health scenario (including situations with co-workers). It’s important to acknowledge what you don’t want to admit.  As Mercury squares Saturn/South Node in your opportunities sector and the North Node in your communication sector, you may be confronted with a difficult decision or answer, regarding travel, education, legal matters or publishing. An official matter that is wrapping up can restrict solutions or your ability to work. Too, there can be added pressure to correct or deliver a satisfying answer. This is about looking towards what resonates on an emotional level. 

Saturn direct in your opportunities sector suggests progress with a course of learning or an official legal/travel matter. In some cases, enforced learning can strengthen your focus.  

Jupiter/Neptune triggers the final episode of growth and illusion regrading shared finances, intimacy or your parter’s finances. Watch for prompts to spend or share more – others maybe influencing you. This scenario will date back to Jan 13th and Jun 16th – take note of sharing, boundaries and the public impact on private matters.

Gemini

Mercury/Venus in your sector of self-expression opposite Chiron Rx suggests some painful conversations or observations involving a romantic attraction/flirtation, creative work or children/pregnancy. What you want to say or who you’d like to attract will confront you with social anxieties or fears or standing out/not being accepted. You may not hear what you were hoping for. As Mercury squares Saturn/South Node in your sector of shared resources and the North Node in your sector or personal resources, private fears/limits involving finances or intimacy will restrict your voice while pushing you to choose between old habits versus newly emerging paths towards self-sufficiency. It may be time to say “No” or focus on what works for you. 

Saturn direct in your sector of shared resources indicates progress around debts, taxes, your partner’s finances, intimacy or deep, psychological issues. You could be that much closer to moving past a block or coming to terms with unpleasant responsibilities. 

Jupiter/Neptune triggers the final episode of exaggerated and misleading future goals in the areas of career and relationships. Dating back to Jan 13th and Jun 16th, this crisis of personal ideals versus professional dreams can push you to get real about what you want versus what they want, or the reality of a romantic or professional partnership. 

Cancer

Mercury/Venus in your domestic sector opposite Chiron Rx can present painful conversations with family (or a domestic partner) about career issues. Doubts about success can be exposed. Too, a professional opportunity can confront you with issues such as imposter syndrome. As Mercury squares Saturn/South Node in your relationship sector the North Node in your sign, you’ll be confronted with a choice that involves a relationship ending/commitment versus what feels most essential for you. It could be a “you versus them” scenario or a challenge to achieve balance between someone’s rules versus your needs. 

Saturn direct in your partnership sector signals progress around a partnership ending, commitment or definition of responsibilities/boundaries. The next stage will present itself with concrete examples of what will be carried forward between the two of you and what’s finishing. 

Jupiter/Neptune triggers the final episode of expanded daily obligations or indulgences in a health or work context. Dating back to Jan 13th and Jun 16th, you may have been fooling yourself about what you could get away with or take on (meaning, you’ve been slacking off or doing more than you’re capable of). The illusion can work either way by giving you a euphoric sense of drive and energy or the desire to escape. Pay attention to the tension between distant dreams versus closer ideals – you may have accomplished a lot or been given a free pass, but this energy is now ending and it’s back to reality. 

Leo

Mercury/Venus in your communication sector opposite Chiron Rx can trigger hurtful conversations or announcements. The exchange of info with others (or an official result/statement) can seem unfair or will emphasize an area where you feel less assured (especially involving travel, legal matters, publishing or education). As Mercury squares Saturn/South Node in your sector of routine and the North Node in your hidden sector you’ll be confronted with decisions that force you to choose between daily but outdated habits versus unproven but liberating needs. 

Saturn direct in your in your sector of routine put you on notice that it’s time to get back to work regarding a health or organizational matter. What you’ve been denying, avoiding or feeling blocked about is ready for the next push. 

Jupiter/Neptune triggers the final episode of dreamy illusion or euphoria around a new attraction, creative work, children/pregnancy or celebration. The urge to overdo it or spend/trust more may have brought you to a shaky place. Now you’ll confront the tension between what’s public versus what’s buried, and you’ll learn the wisdom of boundaries. Look back to Jan 13th and June 16th for an idea of what’s peaking. 

Virgo

Mercury/Venus in your sector of personal resources opposite Chiron Rx can reveal hurtful imbalances regarding finances or self-esteem. Hidden wounds (especially involving intimacy, shared finances or psychological issues) can make you vulernable, and as Mercury squares Saturn/South Node in your sector of self-expression and the North Node in your social sector, you’ll be confronted with the choice between limited self-expression or focusing on a more objective, pubic voice. A financial or emotional issue will crystallize, and you’ll have the choice to stick with your old habits or embrace a more social voice. 

Saturn direct in your sector of self-expression indicates forward movement around an attraction, creative work or issue with pregnancy/children. A limit or confirmation will be crystallized, along with any work you have to do to achieve a desired outcome. In some cases, limits on what you want will leave with you no choice but to move on. 

Jupiter/Neptune triggers the final episode of domestic expansion. A partnership issue can encourage domestic growth or blur the lines around what’s realistic – watch for mutual overindulgence or projected illusions. Look back to Jan 13th and June 16th to see what issue is reaching a turning point- this is about the crisis between domestic ideals versus relationship beliefs. A domestic partnership may be ready to dissolve or morph into something different. 

Libra

Mercury/Venus in your sign opposite Chiron Rx suggests a partner’s wounds may be inadvertently triggered by your attempts to be polite, gracious or accommodating. Too, you may end up projecting your wounds onto another. You can’t gloss over what hurts, so try to find a balance between the pain and the connection between you and another. As Mercury squares Saturn/South Node in your domestic sector and the North Node in your career sector, you may have to decide between family traditions or issues with your parents/the past versus a new future goal that’s satisfying and nurturing. Consider what traditions need to be broken, or what’s ending. 

Saturn direct in your domestic sector signals the next point of progress around family responsibility, a relationship turning point or ending. Obligations at home can feel heavy. But know that Saturn direct means you’re moving forward, and you’re one step closer to a conclusion. 

Jupiter/Neptune triggers the final episode of an enthusiastic but unrealistic promise, solution or approach to work/health. Mundane duties or obligations to others can be unclear as they continually expand and overwhelm you. It’s time to confront the crisis between what you believe versus what’s dissolving or undermining you – are you trying to ignore certain health or work realities? Look back to Jan 13th and June 16th to see how this issue began. 

Scorpio

Mercury/Venus in your hidden sector opposite Chiron Rx indicates that unacknowledged or hidden desires can trigger external wounds. Difficulties with work, health or obligations to others can stir up resentment or an hidden imbalance. What you don’t say will be crucial, and it’s possible that you won’t be comfortable coming out with the truth. As Mercury squares Saturn/South Node in your communication sector and the North Node in your sector of opportunities, open communication may be further restricted by official rules or a verbal/written decision. You’ll have to choose between sticking with what’s been defined versus looking forward towards something that’s unproven but hopeful. Education, travel, legal matters, publishing or faith in something new could present nurturing possibilities. 

Saturn direct in your communication sector suggests the next stage of a formal conclusion, official document or decision. Information will be crystallized and non-negotiable: what you move forward with now will stick. 

Jupiter/Neptune triggers the final episode of a hopeful or indulgent attraction, issue with money or illusion about what you deserve. Dating back to  Jan 13th and June 16th, you’re once again confronting the crisis between growth that’s good for you versus powerful but undermining illusions (or lack of boundaries). It may be time to accept what you can’t have or admit where you’ve pushed past the limits of your resources. Look back to Jan 13th and June 16th to see how this issue began. 

Sagittarius

Mercury/Venus in your social sector opposite Chiron Rx suggests some painful public discussions and reveals about an attraction or issue that’s close to your heart. Putting yourself out there can make you feel insecure/unloved/obvious. As Mercury squares Saturn/South Node in your sector of personal resources and the North Node in your sector of shared resources, you’ll be pushed to choose between old definitions of personal security versus putting your trust in someone (or a situation) that you can’t fully control. This can also be about publicly acknowledging your debts. 

Saturn direct in your sector of personal resources urges you to move forward with an area of discipline, control or self-sufficiency. It’s still up to you to set the boundaries and look out for yourself. 

Jupiter in your sign square Neptune in your domestic sector triggers the conclusion of a scenario dating back to Jan 13th and Jun 16th. Vague or confusing situations at home/with family can make your expectations unrealistic or push you to question where you should put your faith. Pay attention to what this crisis is revealing about hope versus  what’s dissolving. Your foundation is being transformed and you will not be able to go back to what was. 

Capricorn

Mercury/Venus in your career sector opposite Chiron Rx indicate touchy professional conversations and relationships. Exchanges with those in authority, or with those who impact your authority, can stir up deeply-rooted wounds. As Mercury squares Saturn/South Node in your sign and the North Node in your partnership sector, you’ll be confronted with the tension between your rules/attempt to control versus a softer, more empathetic approach. Consider how you can cooperate with another or wrap up a relationship/career issue in a way that’s more accepting/nurturing.

Saturn direct in your sign signals the next stage in a chapter that involves increased responsibilities, your efforts to control or a major ending in your life. Pressure could increase, but so can your authority. 

Jupiter/Neptune triggers the final episode of a hidden hope, promise or dream. Dating back to  Jan 13th and Jun 16th, you’ll be confronting the tension between hidden ideals versus undefined wishes. It may be time to let it go or make an effort to clarify and define what you’ve been holding back.

Aquarius

Mercury/Venus in your opportunities sector opposite Chiron Rx indicate uncomfortable conversations or announcements connected to travel, education, legal matters or publishing. A result can illuminate insecurities about your knowledge or fears that you’re not being heard. As Mercury squares Saturn/South Node in your hidden sector and the North Node in your sector of routine, you’ll be pushed to confront hidden fears and endings versus coming out with a more concrete examination of what you need to feel safe and satisfied. There may be a turning point around long-distance travel  versus your health. 

Saturn direct in your hidden sector marks the next stage of a slow, ongoing ending. A major part of your life (career, relationship, lifestyle) is winding down. Saturn Rx may have indicated a pause, but now the wheels are turning again. You know the end of the road is approaching, so you might as well prepare: there’s a new chapter waiting for you in 2020. 

Jupiter/Neptune triggers the final episode of an exaggerated social ideal or faith in friends/groups. Dating back to Jan 13th and Jun 16th, you’ll be confronting an illusion, disappointment or the reality behind the social bubble. It’s time to get real about public situations that have undermined your security (including the loaning of money). 

Pisces

Mercury/Venus in your sector of shared resources opposite Chiron Rx suggest delicate and painful conversations about shared finances, intimacy or psychological issues. Touching on the difficult stuff will be necessary, even as it raises fears about your vulnerabilities and financial insecurities.  As Mercury goes on to square the South Node/Saturn in your social sector and North Node in your sector of self-expression, what you share with or owe to another will push you to choose between public or peer rules versus stepping out via your own pride or talent. This could be about going public with something very private. 

Saturn direct in your social sector can indicate progress regarding your official, public designation or authority. Too. you could be moving closer to an ending based on social judgements or the realization that certain people are no longer “your people.”

Jupiter in your career sector square Neptune Rx in your sign triggers the final episode of a big, hopeful goal. Dating back to Jan 13th and Jun 16th, you’ll again confront a crisis or turning point regarding your dreams versus professional ideals. You could discover the truth about a job opportunity or deal with reactions to your exaggerated/unrealistic behaviour. 

*****

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[inyournightmares97]

The Truth Evasion (Pt. 1/2)

Part 2

Jackson Wang, GotSeven’s ace hitman and local strip club owner, has had his eye on the girl who helps the gang stash away their dirty money for years now. He wants to know why you won’t give him a chance, but you’re fairly certain that Jackson can’t handle the truth of your past. There are some obstacles that mere sexual attraction and a good fuck aren’t enough to overcome. 

Warnings: Strong language, mafia!au, violence, maybe some boring financial stuff because this idea struck me while I was studying for my finance laws exam. I also have no clue when Part 2 will be out. This is just a two-parter, btw. Hopefully next week? Ugh. I hope. 

Word Count: 3k+

The Mafia (Masterlist)

“For fuck’s sake, Wang. Just because it’s called blood money, doesn’t mean that you need to actually get blood all over it. What the hell is wrong with you?”

Jackson Wang grinned down at you. He was dressed in black from head to toe, his hood lowered and the mask on his face pulled down so that it was now resting under his chin. There were smudges of blood on his forehead and cheeks, but you weren’t worried. The blood wasn’t his. It never was. Besides, if the shit-eating grin on Jackson’s face was any indication, then he wasn’t remotely hurt. It had been a routine hit tonight; kill the guy, get the money. But there was more cash here than you’d been expecting. You looked up at Jaebum, who was standing over you, arms folded as he looked down at the briefcases full of cash with a steely glint in his eyes.

“He lied to us. There’s at least 2 million in here,” you explained, waving a stash of notes for emphasis. “Way more than we were expecting. It’s a good thing we took him out, or he would have caused some serious problems for us.”

Jaebum scoffed, rubbing his jaw. “Nobody conducts robberies in our territory without our permission. He was asking for it.”

Jackson crouched down beside you, fingers reaching out to leaf through a small stack of notes. He hadn’t had the time to savor the cash, he’d been rushing to get away from the crime scene after the kill. There was always a rush of adrenaline when he got safely back to headquarters, the money secure and the operation successful. Not to mention that he lived for the spark that alighted in your eyes whenever you spotted the cash. You loved money and Jackson Wang loved you. He nudged you lightly with his shoulder.

“What do you think, babe? Think we should invest the extra million into our wedding?” he joked.

You glared at him, unamused by his antics. “Fuck off, Wang.”

“Hey, I was just kidding-“

“Aside from the fact that I would rather die than go anywhere near a wedding with you-“ you shot him a look of disgust to emphasize your point. “We can’t use this cash directly. See these notes? They have consecutive serial numbers and they’re brand new, crisp notes if you ignore the blood Wang got on them. Guy robbed these from a bank, remember? If we take this money anywhere near a legal source in this country then we’re going to set off a million triggers and the robbery will be traced back to us.”

Jaebum sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Fine. We won’t use them for anything legal, then. We’ll use it to pay off BTS for last month’s arms trade deals. They’ve been ragging me for the money all day.”

You sighed and shook your head. “It’s not just dirty money, Jaebum. This cash is directly traceable to a bank robbery conducted barely a week ago. The national investigation agencies literally have alerts everywhere for this. BTS won’t touch it either. No, we need to get this money out of the country. It’s going to take a smuggling operation.”

Jaebum blinked at you, eyebrows raised. There was a reason that he trusted you to handle the gang’s finances; you had a way with money, knew exactly what to do with it and how to handle it. He’d been suspicious at first, unable to understand how you turned dirty cash into perfectly legal, accountable money sitting in a bank account within a matter of days. But you’d been handling GotSeven’s money laundering activities for years and at this point, Jaebum didn’t even bother to ask you what you were doing with the money or how you invested it and faked the transactions to get it back. You always returned with more money than you started off with and the money had never been traced back to the gang since you started working for them, so he trusted you.

“Where does it need to go?”

You looked down at the cash and sighed. “An amount this size? Overseas. I know a guy in Macau. He’s got some understanding with the local banks, they’ll accept anything for a 15% cut. He’ll deposit the money there, we’ll have it transferred to the account of one of our shell companies, fake a couple of contractual agreements and it’ll be back in our bank accounts, fully legal and untraceable in two weeks tops.”

Jackson frowned. “Why should we give some fucker in Macau a 15% cut of our money?”

You sighed and rolled your eyes at him. “Because that’s how illegal money works, bird brain. What else are you going to do? I’d like to see you try to deposit one of these notes in the local bank here without having the federal agencies tailing you for the next month and wire-tapping all your communications. Why don’t you stick to shooting your gun around and leave the money matters to people who understand them, okay?”

Jaebum nodded at you, cutting off your rant. “You do what you have to do. We’ve lost our direct links to Macau, though. Our regular guy there got shot dead a few weeks ago. Chinese mafia got to him. Apparently he had a lot of gambling debts.”

Jackson blinked and looked disappointed. “Aw, man. Zhang Wei’s dead? I liked that guy. He came down to my club the last time he was in town, dude knows how to party. We drank some major liquor and he gambled away literally everything he earned while he was here. Crazy guy.”

You raised an eyebrow at him in disgust. “Zhang Wei was human garbage. Do you not have any standards for the friends you make?”

“Aww, are you worried about me getting in with the wrong crowd, baby?” Jackson cooed.

“You are the wrong crowd,” you replied before turning to Jaebum. “How do we get this cash into Macau, Leader-nim?”

Jaebum pulled his cellphone out of his pocket and began dialing some numbers. “I’ll talk to DaySix. They’ve been running some opium trades there of late, I’m sure they’ve got some routes in. I’ll ask the Bear to meet you in the morning for a drop-off. You talk to your finance guy in Macau and help them figure out how to make the exchange, okay?”

You blinked. “I’m not driving around with all this dirty cash alone. Send Tuan with me.”

“You can take Wang.”

“What? No!” you complained, while Jackson folded his arms across his chest and beamed at you. Jackson was the worst security detail ever. He always talked way too much and made you want to steal his gun and shoot yourself in the head. You preferred Mark. He was quiet, kept his eyes on the money and didn’t like pointing his gun around for the hell of it. “Why can’t I have Tuan? He’s better at this stuff.”

“Tuan’s detailing a cop that’s been on our tail a lot lately. It’s a full-time mission, I can’t spare him. Take Jackson instead,” Jaebum said firmly. There was a tinge of authority in his tone, one that told you not to argue with him about small details. Jaebum trusted you but he kept all his gang members in line and you were no exception. You tried to ignore the pleased grin on Jackson’s face as you closed the briefcase full of money and stood up, dusting your knees off.

“Fine,” you snapped. “I’m leaving the money in the safe here, then. I’ll come by to pick it up in the morning.”

Jaebum nodded. “Sounds good. Nice work today, guys.”

You nodded and went into the bathroom, splashing your face with water and looking at the dark circles under your eyes. It had been a long day. The more Jaebum grew to trust you, the more work you had. You’d started off investing some small amounts into shady schemes but in a matter of four years, you were now in charge of all of GotSeven’s finances. You handled the dirty money and invested it in segments; shady real estate, bonds, shell companies in foreign countries, businesses which ran as fronts for the illegal trades. Not even Im Jaebum knew exactly where all the wealth of GotSeven was located, because you’d made it all that untraceable.

It wasn’t easy work. It involved a lot of transactions, a lot of tracing money that didn’t really exist or spreading it in various bank accounts across the world. The only person who really seemed to understand the difficulty of your job was Park Jinyoung; he’d been handling the finances before you came along and he was only too happy to let you take over. I don’t want to spend all night reading about the tax regulations and banking laws in Latvia, he’d admitted to you once. I’m a strategy guy. It’s a good thing we found you. I thought all the accounting stuff was going to drive me insane.

There was a knock on the bathroom door.

“Hey. I’m heading out for the night. Need a ride home?” Jackson’s voice called through the bathroom door.

You sighed and wiped your face with a towel before opening the door. Jackson was standing on the other side, a handsome smile on his face. He’s gotten rid of the blood and taken off the mask; there was nothing hiding his dashing good looks from your naked gaze. Besides, Jackson was always glowing and extra flirtatious after he’d returned from a successful mission. It took him a while to come down from his adrenaline high.

“I don’t know, are you going to keep flirting with me the whole time?” you demanded.

He held his hands up in the air jokingly. “Fine, I’ll tone it down. Come on. The buses probably stopped running and I’ll never understand why you refuse to buy a car. Sometimes I feel like you want me to drive you around everywhere because you like my company.”

You scoffed. “Fat chance. I just don’t want to attract attention to myself.”

“Buying a car would attract attention to you?” Jackson demanded incredulously.

“I work in a convenience store by daylight, genius. Don’t you think my co-workers would get a little suspicious if I suddenly turned up with a brand new car on my minimum wage salary? They think I’m struggling to make rent. Besides, I don’t keep spare cash or store money in the bank. The money Jaebum pays me with is all invested in various financial schemes and securities, I keep some of it in real estate off the coast-“

Jackson groaned. “Oh my god, that’s enough money talk for tonight. Fine. Don’t buy a car. Live in a shitty apartment and take the bus to work even though you’ve probably accumulated a fortune from all the work you do for GotSeven. That makes perfect sense.”

You ignored Jackson, walking past him and getting into the passenger-side seat of his fancy sports car. He would never understand. Jackson was an excellent hit man and he could kill a guy with his bare hands in less than two seconds, but he was addicted to the life. He lived for the money, for the thrill and for the luxury. Sometimes you wished you could loosen up like him, enjoy everything that you got by virtue of working for GotSeven and accept the fact that you could live a comfortable life now.

“Why aren’t you at your club tonight?” you wondered, as Jackson started the car. “It’s Saturday.”

“I left Bambam in charge. His girlfriend’s doing a shift there tonight so he was going to be there anyway,” Jackson replied as he pulled out of the parking and sped away from the headquarters. When Jackson wasn’t taking out guys for GotSeven, he ran a shady strip club downtown. It wasn’t a bad place really, although it was definitely illegal and substituted as a meeting place for a lot of shady deals. When you combined sexy naked girls and alcohol, almost any man could be convinced to part with his money.

“Hmm. Bambam’s really hitting it on with that girl they saved from the trafficking ring, huh?”

Jackson glanced at you. You looked tired, there was something exhausted about your tone and he wanted to know what was wrong. But he also knew that you would never tell him what was on your mind. He made a turn and then blinked at you.

“Do you have anything else going on tonight? We could drop by the club and get a couple of drinks. You look stressed recently, Jaebum must have you working full-time after we struck all those deals with the Russians, eh? Those guys are stinking rich and the loaded us with dirty money. Come on, one drink?”

You frowned at him. “I’ve said it once and I’ll say it as many times as you need me to; I am never stepping foot in that abomination of a place. Leave me out of it.”

Jackson blinked at you. “What’s your problem with my strip club?”

You refused to answer him, just turning your head to look out of the window. Your head was throbbing. It had been a long day staring at the computer screen, tracking down some payments that you’d made to private bank accounts in Europe and accounting for the transactions of one of your shell companies in Barbados. You didn’t have the energy to respond to Jackson. Sometimes you felt like being around him just drained the energy out of you because you had to go to so much effort to resist his advances.

“Okay. You don’t need to get a drink,” he reassured you, his tone softening. “Can you maybe come and take a look at my accounts sometime? I had a couple of tax collectors come in the other day and they’ve been sniffing around. You know me. I do all my transactions in cash, I don’t pay any money to the stinking government and they’re catching on. I got a notice from the Income Tax Department the other day.”

You turned to him, your eyes lidded. No wonder Jackson was on the tax authorities’ radar. Some of those fuckers were regulars at his club and Jackson’s sole method of tax evasion was sweet-talking his way out of his dues. You didn’t want any part in it. “I work for GotSeven. I made it explicitly clear to Jaebum when I first started working there that I wasn’t going to handle your private businesses. Get an accountant to do your strip club’s taxes. Jackson. I find it hard to believe that you can’t afford to hire one.”

His voice became quiet. “I trust you more, though.”

“I’m exhausted, I don’t have the time for shit like this!”

Jackson suddenly stopped the car, pulling over at the side of the road. You blinked at him in surprise and were shocked when you saw his eyes looking at you intently. His gaze pierced through you and you didn’t know how to react when he reached out and placed his hand over yours. “What’s going on with you?” he asked gently. “Look, I know you don’t really like me and it’s always been that way for some reason, but… you seem stressed. Is something going on? Did anything happen?”

You bit your lip and gently pulled your hand away from his. “Nothing happened-“

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Nothing happened, okay? And even if it did, what’s the point in telling you? The only way guys like you know how to solve problems is to shoot a guy dead and then get a beer and a naked girl to celebrate. I don’t need any of those things. So do me a favor and just drive so I can get home, I have an early shift at the convenience store and we need to drop-off the cash with DaySix.”

Jackson was quiet for a long moment and then he nodded, re-starting the car. He drove silently the entire way to your apartment building, his knuckles white on the steering wheel as he finally pulled to a stop. You breathed a sigh of relief when you saw the entrance to your building and moved to take off your seatbelt. But Jackson’s hand closed over yours gently, stopping you from removing it.

“I don’t celebrate with naked girls from the club. I haven’t touched another girl in a long time. You… you know how I feel about you,” Jackson said softly. He swallowed and then squeezed your hand. “You’re not an idiot. I don’t have to tell you how important you are to me.”

You closed your eyes and sighed. You hated this. You preferred Jackson’s shameless, unabashed flirting to the gentle, heartfelt confessions he sometimes made when the two of you were alone. You could joke the former away and snap at him, but you never knew how to respond to the latter. You turned to him with pleading eyes. “Don’t do this again, Jackson. We’ve been through this, ever since I first started working here. It’s been years. Can’t you let it go?”

“I can’t let it go,” he mumbled.

“You need to learn. You and me, it’s never… it’s never happening. I’m sorry.”

Jackson groaned and ran his hand over his face. “I know that. You tell me that every single time, but I don’t understand why. There’s something between us. I know you’re attracted to me. I see how you always check whether the blood on my clothes is mine after I return from a hit. You were the first person to panic when I got shot last year. And when there was a stick-up at the convenience store during your night shift and some fucktard tried to rob you, you called me. Not Jaebum, not Mark, not even the police, you called me and you stayed at my house that night because you were scared. We shared one of the most amazing nights of my life. You can’t keep pushing me away and pretending that you don’t have feelings for me.”

“Watch me,” you mumbled.

Jackson’s eyes were pleading. “Why? Why won’t you give this a chance? Why can’t this happen?”

You took a deep breath and shook your head. “I don’t know,” you whispered.

“You’re lying again.”

Maybe I am. But you couldn’t handle the truth if you heard it, Jackson Wang.

--

A/N I had a day break in between my exams so I wrote this shit. I’m not sure how it is, I haven’t slept in a long time, haha, and I just wanted to post it. I’ll be around for the next 24 hours before I got back into hiatus because I have exams on Friday, Saturday and Sunday too. 

Hope you guys are doing great! 

[ernmark]

briwhosaysni replied to your post “Spiral Sage pt 2 Reactions”

Is it a 3-parter? I thought it was the usual 2.

Admittedly, this is totally me making an assumption, and I might be way off.

(spoilers under cut)

UPDATE: Okay, it’s a 2-parter.

In favor of a two-parter, the point of this episode could be purely the trial and the meeting of the Spiral Sage, with the episode ending on a down note kind of like Train From Nowhere. 

In favor of a three-parter, it feels like a lot of these last two parts have been setup, rather than a proper arc. My assumption is that the arc ends with Tal finding his own way to rescue Damien and Angelo so they can regroup with Marc to make their rescue, and Sir Caroline finally apologizing to Rilla or doing something to get Rilla to trust her (of course, by then it’s already too late), and the witch helping them out of Fort Terminus only to turn out to turn out to be a Bigger Bad in the end or something (alternatively, Sir Caroline killing the witch and now they have to deal with getting out of Fort Terminus on their own; alternatively, Rilla’s debt might go completely unresolved this season, and might be a conflict to lead us into the next season).

The big red flag in my mind, at least, is that the big conversations that happen at the end of the episode are so very one-sided. Look at Damien’s conversation with Helicoid, Angelo’s conversation with Tal, and Rilla’s conversation with Sir Caroline-- and then compare those with Marc talking to Rilla about Damien’s impending death in Treacherous Heart, or Tal opening up to Marc about his asexuality in Sportive Nymphs. In this episode’s conversations, it feels like there’s a second half to them that hasn’t actually happened yet. 

But that assumes that those arcs are episode arcs rather than season arcs. It could very well be that Talfryn coming into his own as a hero is meant to be a season-long thing for him resolving only in the grand finale. Same goes for Sir Caroline finally learning that being so abrasive does more harm than good.

Right now I’m just in a point where I’m seeing all of these dangling threads without a really satisfying conclusion attached to them, and that could either be our cliffhanger to get us into the season finale, or else a sign that it’ll be resolved in Part 3. 

[aion-rsa]

Ranking The Bill’s Christmas Specials From Best to the One Where Reg Plays the Back End of a Panto Cow

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Christmas is where you find it. Sometimes you find it in Canley Borough Operational Unit Command, Sun Hill. It’s a rough joint where the hours are long and life is short. It’s where the cops play hardball, the dames play hard to get, and the dame-cops do both, in sensible shoes. (That’s right, some of the cops are dames – though admittedly, not really until the 1990s, and they rarely make it past Inspector.) 

Over its 27-year history, British police procedural The Bill aired 2,425 episodes, just five of which were Christmas specials. They represent 0.0020% of the total output, and 100% of the episodes where Reg Hollis plays the back end of a pantomime cow. That makes each one a rare truffle for this little piggy to sniff out and stack in order of greatness. Let’s get sniffing.

5. Twanky (1997)

The plot: PC Polly Page is having a mare directing the annual Sun Hill Christmas panto: Aladdin, from a script by Tosh. The scenery keeps falling down. Widow Twanky loses his voice. Reg Hollis gets his head stuck in a cow. The Princess Lychee (it was the nineties) costume is accidentally swapped for a box of shoplifted fetish-wear that’s exhibit A in an ongoing trial. Then the venue cancels at the last minute and a crazed ex-con stalks the production, takes a hostage, and attempts to cosh the Assistant Detective Inspector to stop him taking the witness stand. Time until police work: 4 minutes 43 seconds. There’s a call-out to a bar fight involving a carving knife and 107 stitches. Who gets nicked? Three kids who steal a trolleyful of frozen turkeys. A hostage-taking pantomime-cosher. And DC Rod Skase, who gets nicked and sexually assaulted by a pair of coppers from a rival station who honk his Widow Twanky balloon boobs. Best line: “You tell Deakin, there’s no way Jason’s going down. I’ll ‘av him.” High points: Reg saving the day with a new venue and the hostage-taker getting taken down by the might of Sun Hill live on stage, to the delight of the audience, who scream like it’s the Beatles at Shea Stadium. Low points: The Gary Glitter song and dance routine (hindsight). Why it’s in fifth place: It’s the only one of The Bill Christmas specials that makes you watch what feels like an entire pantomime, including songs and an overlong cow-based dance routine. Nobody should have to go through that at Christmas. 

4. The Night Before/The Morning After (2000)

The plot: The Sun Hill uniforms are planning a Christmas bash at their local, but CID’s nose is out of joint about not getting an invite, so they nick the landlord’s son for possession (an early role for Matt from aptly named boy-band Busted) and get everyone barred. Reg finds a club as a stand-in party venue but they all get into a mass punch-up in the queue. Married PC Dave Quinnan rescues PC Polly Page from the melee, and overcome by lust, they embark on an affair, feeling each other up in the meat wagon and getting entangled underneath an orange duvet. Meanwhile, two department store security guards commit aggravated robbery and pin it on a small-time Glaswegian shoplifter, who tries to appeal to Duncan’s Scottish camaraderie by spinning him a pack of festive lies.  Time until police work: 00:47. Straight in. Two uniforms go to pick up a department store shoplifter who makes a run for it through soft furnishings but comes a cropper by the vacuum cleaner display. Who gets nicked? The Scottish shoplifter, Matt from Busted, and eventually, the two security guards. Best line: “I got him in the grotto” “Sounds painful” High point: Learning that Reg’s middle name is Percival Low point: A surprisingly long C-plot about Derek and Jack needing a wee. Why it’s in fourth place: A complete absence of Christmas magic. It might be set during the festivities, but this dour two-parter’s adultery plot and EastEnders-style domestic drama feels not the faintest bit Christmassy. It’s a lot of moping around in dressing gowns, grumpy bickering and lonely heartache, more kitchen sink than Frank Capra. 

3. When The Snow Lay Round About (1999)

The plot: A bottle episode! The Sun Hill crew is snowed in on a mostly silent night down at the nick. Having been cruelly mocked for the quality of his Christmas tree, Reg goes out into the snow, whereupon he intercepts a rogue snowball-thrower setting off the local burglar alarms. A Christmas orphan arrives in the form of Glen, whose foster family refuse to come and collect him because he keeps running away and is generally a bit of a knob. Glen’s dad is doing five in the Scrubs, so Glen keeps robbing the staplers and calling everyone filthy framing pigs. A comedy Russian barbershop quartet show up when their minibus is stolen, and they all get the major horn for Sgt. June Ackland, who loves it. Tony brings in a drunk elf, who promises to grant him a Christmas wish if he can go free. Tony wishes for mince pies, and then magically a boxful is delivered. Danny the Elf makes the Serg’s Christmas wish come true by unearthing Glen’s grandad to come and pick him up. Time until police work: 5:04 Tony radios in a drunk and disorderly elderly man found singing Jingle Bells and trying to climb a lamppost on Fenton Street, who calls himself Danny the Elf.  

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Who gets nicked? Danny the Elf and Reg’s phantom snowball-flinger. The Russian minibus thief goes free because he brings the bus back, makes up with his barbershop quartet and they all have a sing-song. Best line: Glen’s heartbreaking “Do they have Christmas in prison?” High point: Danny telling Serg he was the one who’d granted his unexpressed Christmas wish for Glen to find his beloved granddad, then disappearing to the sound of sleigh bells as the theme music kicks in.   Low point: The Borat-alike Russians. “We must tour UK for orphans charity!” Must you? Why it’s in third place: It’s very silly but really Christmassy. It snows! There’s a tree! Reg has an action scene (off-screen, but still). It has a happy ending, and the storyline about Gary the foster child ends up being genuinely moving. Comedy Russians aside, it’s a very respectable hour of festive TV. 

2. Santa’s Little Helper (2008)

The plot: A spate of burglaries is traced back to a market stall Santa, who robs people’s houses during the one-hour wait for their family’s grotto photo. It turns out that Santa’s on probation, and clean, but his daughter Lisa and her boyfriend were doing the robberies to pay off his pre-prison debts to a wrong’un. Sun Hill’s finest conduct an impressive sting operation, then keep going up the chain until the investigation leads them all the way to a notorious organised criminal gang leader. Time until police work: 0:42. Two uniforms respond to a 999 call about an unconscious elderly man at a break-in. No messing. Who gets nicked? Lisa. Lisa’s boyfriend. Lisa’s dad. The loan shark and thug who was terrorising Lisa. Best line: “Thieving Santa, they’ll be telling me the Tooth Fairy’s a crack dealer next.” High point: When they’re letting Father Christmas out of custody and give him back his beard out of an evidence bag. Low point: All the stick DC Stuart Turner gets for owning a Westlife CD and keeping his flat tidy. Masculinity is a spectrum, officers. Broaden your minds. Why it’s in second place: It’s not only quite a touching story about a family trying to stay together at Christmas (albeit through breaking and entering and a bit of ABH), it also a well-plotted, satisfying series of revelations that kick-start an exciting, twisty-turny multi-episode plot about DC Stevie Moss’s undercover work that’s more or less a bonus series of Line of Duty. We’re talking high-stakes criminal gangs, guns and double-crossing.

1. Christmas Star (1998)

The plot: Tony is organising the works Christmas do, and promising the world on a £15-a-head budget. (The world: music, crisps, nuts, some grub, champagne, lap dances for the men and a Father Christmas stripper for the women.) Trouble is, he’s done a hooky no-VAT deal for cheap booze with the Cash and Carry, which gets raided by the Fraud Squad, so has to pay full whack out of his own pocket at the offy instead. A BMW driver has done a hit and run, leaving a schoolgirl Arsenal obsessive in a coma. Suspecting the owner is lying about his car having been stolen, P.C. Santini does some proper coppering, finds out the owner’s wife was driving, and nicks them both. On top of that, he manages to get the victim a hospital visit from Arsenal’s Emmanuel Petit. A Christmas miracle! Time until police work: 2:06 All units are called to the high street because of the hit and run. Who gets nicked? The BMW driver and his wife. Best line: “Tony’s had a bit of an annus horribilis” “And quite a rough year.” High point: Eddie delivering on his footballer promise to the victim, but being classy enough to keep it to himself. What a mensch. Low point: The BMW owner’s cliched beatnik stylings, man. Why it’s in first place: It’s a gripping, well-paced hour, with a satisfying ending, and a moral about not promising what you can’t deliver. It’s got a guest star in the form of 1990s football sensation Emmanuel Petit, and a hero in the form of P.C. Eddie Santini. Also, being set in 1998, these days it’s a lovely nostalgic watch. Someone gets a fiver out of a Midland Bank cash point! Someone else pays their share of the drinks kitty by cheque! All the women’s eyebrows are plucked thinner than an Elizabethan royal. Truly, a hallowed age. 

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Merry Christmas to all! (But mostly to P.C. Reg Hollis).

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