#next up are some sketches of his life overall if i can motivate myself for that

[lunavagans]

Colored version of Kiddie!Cosmo. I‘ve decided I hate the book now. Used too many colors in the butterfly, and now it‘s just… like that. Fingers crossed that tumblr doesn‘t screw the quality too much beyond that!!

[twigcollins]

Hi! Hope you are well :) I'm a huge fan Steadfast Tin Soldier. It's genuinely one of the best fics I've read, and even now, I find myself rereading chapters for comfort. Your characterization and dialogue is *chefs kiss*, and the narrative flows brilliantly in a way that just makes sense. I was wondering, if you don't mind, if you had any writing tips, or if you could offer some insight on your writing process? I'd absolutely take a writing class from you tbh. Thanks <3

Wow, thank you for the kind words. Very glad the fic is enjoyable - and very sorry it is unfinished. I never had as strong grasp on the universe as I wanted to, and the more Blizzard added to their lore, the less interest I had on where they were taking things. (The subsequent news about ActiBlizz as a company didn't help, either.)

As far as writing tips go, I can offer up a few suggestions that I've picked up along the way, and a few book recs:

Writing Tools - Roy Peter Clark (this is my favorite book on writing, and covers a lot of the things that I try to keep in mind when writing)

The Art of Slow Writing - Louise DeSalvo (strategies and planning that may be useful in developing a writing process)

Boss Life: Surviving My Own Small Business - Paul Downs (not a book on writing, but seeing a year in the life of someone's hopes and dreams and fears all on the micro, day-to-day level is a really great way to study motivations and how many different ways a person can be impacted by the various events that happen in their world)

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I would recommend a screenwriting class far above any others for any kind of fiction writing, for how it shifts the concept of writing out of the realm of trying to get emotions onto the page and into the more nuts-and-bolts strategies of "you have X number of pages and no more to introduce characters, love interests, rising action, etc." Having hard limits on the various elements of a story can help with focusing on getting the most impactful version of a moment out on the page.

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In terms of flow, in a course once I was shown a long clip from the movie 'All About Eve,' where an older actress and a younger actress are in fierce career competition, and in the course of maybe five minutes the shift of who is winning and who is losing in the power struggle flips about five times.

In terms of a long story, having this continual tension and high-low tradeoff is a great way to keep things moving and keep the audience engaged and never sure what will happen next. If you have multiple character POV's, you can have some characters having a moment of triumph while others are Going Through It but it's a good idea to mix up the wins and losses. (Even in the overall descending arc of Jack and the fall of Overwatch, I tried to have a few moments of victory - like getting citizen status for Athena or a character moment with always-sunny Tracer - amidst the overall decline.)

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That being said, the biggest difficulty I have as a writer is when I can feel something needs to happen in a story but I'm not sure how to make it happen organically - which is critical in maintaining the illusion these are characters with personalities and decisions that lead to cause-and-effect instead of just a plot leading them around to what I want to happen next.

As an example from STS - I knew I wanted Jack to break down briefly from the stress of everything so that later events with Athena could happen, but just having him crack for no particular reason wasn't very satisfying, and doing something like starting the scene with him already broken down also seemed a bit like cheating - although I will use that trick on occasion if it feels like getting the readers to a scene is much less interesting than what happens when they're there. I sketched out a couple versions of Jack having a bad day on a mission but it all felt like I was stuffing too much unnecessary filler into the scene.

I wish I could say I had some cool brainstorming trick or technique, but it just hit me out of the blue - Jack would have been counting the days, even if he wasn't admitting it to himself, even if it didn't make sense, from losing Amelie to Widowmaker showing up, and that date would be when he would have to admit to himself Ana was gone for good.

It was a pain to keep things on hold, but waiting around for the right detail made that scene a lot more specific and satisfying, I think.

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I've read a lot that says specificity, physical sense details and understatement are the best ways to handle big emotions. In a way, this kind of all ties back to 'show, don't tell' - you can tell me that a mother is still deeply grieving the loss of a daughter, or as in the exceptionally well written 'I have no choice but to keep looking', you can write that the mother makes a lunch for her lost daughter every day and takes it to the ocean, and I'll remember that detail for six years and counting (and probably forever).

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I’m hardly the first to say it, but reading and editing really are the two biggest skills as equally important as writing. Reading and studying how writers use various techniques as simple as writing shorter or longer sentences in a paragraph to impact the feel of a work will help with developing a writing style.

Also I edit aggressively. I usually edit as I'm going along, then within sections, then within the chapter as a whole - usually at least twice - and reading back on previous chapters to make sure things feel consistent and there's not too much repetition.

I'm trying to learn to let myself write crappier first drafts because figuring them out in the edit is easier.

I think that this is what that 'first million words' that gets mentioned a lot in writing really changed for me - the more I write, the less fragile what I'm writing seems to feel and the less afraid I am of moving around or adjusting or pulling out paragraphs to deconstruct and use elsewhere. Most everything of mine that looks like a smooth narrative in the version for public consumption goes through edit after edit after edit to get there.

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I hope that some of this was helpful, and thank you again! Keep writing!

[cheri-translates]

[CN] Shaw’s Creative Date

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a date, 创意之约, which has not been released in EN! 🍒

This date features S2 Shaw, but contains no spoilers for S2!

[ This date was released on 13 May 2021 ]

Removing the VR headset, I rub my slightly sore eyes. Seeing the familiar modern furniture leaves me in a momentary trance.

MC: I finally cleared it - this game about the ancient times is pretty immersive.

Aside from completing missions, the game also has a rich plot written in a classical literary style. As a “workshop apprentice”, I successfully created a string of wood carved persimmons.

Rotating my aching wrists, it’s as though the sensation of carving products is still lingering on my hands.

MC: It’s a shame that I could only do that in the game...

Just when I’m about to continue grumbling, my phone suddenly rings.

Tapping the answer button, a familiar voice drifts lazily to my ear.

Shaw: Not a sound from you even during the weekend. What are you up to?

MC: I just played an immersive game, and it’s pretty fun.

At the other end of the line, Shaw makes an “oh” sound, then continues asking.

Shaw: Are you planning to stay at home today?

MC: Mm. I finally finished a big program, so I’m pretty comfortable playing games at home.

Hearing my response, Shaw’s tone lifts slightly at the end.

Shaw: It’s just a game. You can play it anytime, can’t you? The weather outside is great. Staying at home is such a waste. Why not take a stroll outside?

My gaze sweeps over the VR headset. While I’m hesitating whether or not to agree, a thought suddenly flashes across my mind, and I have an idea. 

MC: Shaw, why don't you accompany me somewhere?

Shaw pauses for a moment, his subtle breathing drifting over the phone along with the electric currents.

Shaw: Where do you want to go?

MC: I’ll keep it a secret first. You’ll know when you get there. It’s definitely a place you wouldn’t expect.

Shaw chuckles softly, and he seems to stretch.

Shaw: All right. Since you invited me with such magnificent hospitality, I’ll reluctantly keep you company.

-

Soon after, the both of us stand at the entrance of a wood carving studio. Shaw tilts his head, looking me up and down.

Shaw: You sure we’re not at the wrong place?

I nod my head.

MC: How is it? I already said you definitely wouldn’t expect it. 

Shaw arches his brows, a somewhat surprised expression in his eyes.

Shaw: When did you get a new hobby?

Not giving Shaw a direct response, I lift my hand, raising my phone to his face. The picture on the screen features the string of wood carved persimmons I made in the game.

MC: Look at this string of persimmons. I carved it bit by bit in the game. Looks good, doesn’t it? I plan to carve a replica based on this later.

Shaw leans closer to give it a sweeping glance, his expression a little subtle.

Shaw: ...the object in the picture isn’t too bad. But do you like it that much that you must carve a string of persimmons?

MC: Don’t underestimate this small string of persimmons. Slow work yields fine products. The smaller something is, the more patience and carving skills are tested. Also, this is the first wood carving I made in the game. Furthermore, “everything will go according to one’s wishes” is a wonderful message and well-wish. Making it myself will feel very meaningful.

[Note] For the translation of “everything will go according to one’s wishes”, What MC says is “柿柿如意”, which is a pun based on the popular well-wish “事事如意” (“everything will go according to one’s wishes”)

“Persimmon” is 柿 (“shi”). “Everything” is 事事 (“shi shi”)

Shaw: But based on the level of complexity, you can’t make it without having a foundation in carving.

Predicting that Shaw would say this, I make a fist, lifting my head up confidently. 

MC: Don’t underestimate me. I think I’m naturally talented in handwork. If I can make it in the game, I might be able to in reality.

Hearing my “lofty aspirations”, the corners of Shaw’s lips hook upwards, and he elongates the tail of his sentence coolly.

Shaw: Fine, I’ll wait and see. 

-

Probably because it’s the lunch break, only the boss is in the shop.

After telling the boss my purpose in coming, he very quickly prepares the wooden block and burin, then comprehensively explains some matters I should take note of.

[Trivia] A burin (刻刀 - “ke dao”)  is a handheld steel tool used for carving metal or wood

MC: Draw a design first, then trace a copy onto the wooden block, then...

Hearing me mumble to myself, Shaw can’t help but arch his brows.

Shaw: It’s no use simply memorising the steps. You’ve got to get started to get the feel of it. 

...that make sense.

Very soon, I successfully draw a design based on the picture. However, I keep sensing that something’s missing when I look at the picture of the string of persimmons in my hand.

Darting a glance at Shaw, who occasionally looks at the drawing paper in my hand, I turn my body to the side, displaying the drawing paper in front of him.

MC: Shaw, didn’t you brag about being the “best in hand-drawn sketches” in your department? Want to take a look and make adjustments for me?

[Note] For those who are unaware, Shaw is the only graduate student in the archaeological department of Loveland University, so... of course he’s the best in everything LOL

Shaw’s brows arch slightly. Grabbing a pen on the table casually, he starts making amendments quickly.

Shaw: Done.

Unexpectedly, with just a few strokes, the fullness and lushness of the persimmons are outlined, and the entire picture instantly becomes much more vibrant.

Once all the preparatory work is done, the next step is to saw the sides of the wood carving. Placing the wooden block on the machine, I test out suitable positions.

All of a sudden, Shaw presses on my hand.

Shaw: Didn’t the boss mention that it’d be safer to place it a little beyond the peripheral line?

While saying this, he pulls on my wrist, causing the wooden block to shift to the side slightly. After verifying that it’s in the right place, he releases my hand.

Wood carving in real life is much more difficult than I imagined. The more I tell myself to be calm, the more my hands refuse to obey.

I take a deep breath - 

Shaw: Tch, aren’t you going a little too fast?

Right after he finishes speaking, my hand suddenly trembles, and I saw a small hole into the wooden block.

Shaw pauses for a few seconds, then bursts into laughter mercilessly.

He leans over, pointing at the small hole, his eyes gloating over my misfortune.

Shaw: Heh. Did someone take a bite out of the persimmon? It’s actually pretty creative.

Faced with Shaw’s mockery, I pout without saying anything. Then, I mimic his usual tone and glare at him.

MC: Why are you laughing so loudly? My hearing is good, okay.

Shaw casually props himself on the table with his elbows. He turns his head to the side and watches me, eyes filled with interest and a smile.

Perhaps because we’re too close in proximity, I seem to feel his warmth encasing my surroundings.

Smelling the scent of peppermint at the tip of my nose, I subconsciously turn away, muttering softly.

MC: Stop crowding over here... it’s a little warm.

The corners of Shaw’s eyes lift upwards slightly, and he sweeps a gaze over my face. He chuckles, sitting down on the chair behind in a wilful manner.

Not long after, I painstakingly saw the overall outer shape of the wooden block. After that, I start using a chisel to carefully craft the outline and thickness.

Probably because I’m unfamiliar with the techniques, the thickness of both sides of the wood carving are very different despite me putting in a lot of effort into correcting it.

I steal a glance at Shaw who is behind. After some hesitation, I clear my throat.

MC: Erm, could you help me with a little something?

Shaw loosens his shoulders.

Shaw: You want my help?

MC: Since you look like you don't have much to do, why not adjust the thickness of the outline with me?

Shaw doesn’t respond immediately. He folds his arms and leans against the wall, both legs placed casually.

Beneath the sunlight of the scorching afternoon sun, the corners of his lips tilt upwards, revealing a mischievous smile.

Shaw: Someone made a solemn vow earlier that she could do it by herself. So, in order for you to experience this fully, I refuse.

I don’t even spare Shaw half a glance after this, heart sinking as I lower my head in silence, focusing on the wood carving alone.

Perhaps grasping some tricks, my actions are gradually much more proficient than before, despite slow improvement.

The doors to the shop are suddenly pushed open. A parent walks in with a little boy.

The boss greets the new customers. Shaw suddenly lifts his arm and waves, walking over to the boss.

Shaw: Boss, give me a burin too.

Thinking that Shaw was suddenly “pricked by his conscience” and is planning to help, I lift my head to look at him in anticipation.

Unexpectedly, after getting the burin, Shaw picks up the leftover linden wood that I had sawed off earlier.

He stands near the window, lifting his hand leisurely. Against the light, that head of bluish purple hair is even more eye-catching.

Shaw: It’s boring to wait. I’ll try it with you, and give you some competitive motivation.

He reveals a confident smile, his tone not at all humble.

Shaw: I’ll also show you what it means to be “naturally talented”.

Shaw deliberately sits down at a table that’s further away from me.

Seeing that my gaze continues to linger on him, Shaw lifts his eyes, asking teasingly.

Shaw: Why are you staring at me?

MC: ...you already know the answer. Also, you’re pretending to be mysterious. What exactly do you plan to carve?

Shaw: You want to know? All the more reason not to tell you.

With this, he lowers his head, the tip of the pen making rustling sounds. He’s likely drawing a design on the rough paper.

Pursing my lips with a “hmph”, I decide to throw myself into crafting the wood carving.

Just as I strive to painstakingly carve the appearance of the wood carving, the little boy who accompanied his parent here seems to be restless.

He runs around the shop, and finally scuttles to Shaw’s side.

Little Boy: Big Bro, your hair’s really cool!

Shaw releases a “hmph”, paying no attention to the boy. But the little boy is fearless, and continues curiously.

Little Boy: Big Bro, what are you carving?

Unintentionally hearing this, I hurriedly perk up my ears, turning my body towards Shaw secretly.

Shaw glances at the boy from the side, placing the prototype wood carving on the table and leaning it from side to side.

Shaw: Make a guess.

The boy stares at it for a while, then exclaims excitedly.

Little Boy: I see it now - it’s a fish! Big Bro, did I guess correctly?

Shaw doesn’t deny it, revealing an expression which says “you’re pretty knowledgeable”.

Shaw: [aww he sounds so affectionate] Little Imp, your eyesight isn’t bad.

Little Boy: But why do you want to carve a fish?

The boy doesn’t seem to understand, and is also slightly disdainful.

Little Boy: Fishes are so unimpressive. If it were me, I’d carve a big tiger. It’s the king of all creatures, and it’s so impressive!

While the boy speaks, he chuckles in satisfaction.

Shaw laughs, then purses his lips.

Shaw: A wooden carved fish is much more interesting than your big tiger.

The boy has an expression on his face which reads “nonsense”. Shaw casts a sidelong glance at him, scoffing softly.

Shaw: Forget it. You wouldn't understand even if I told you.

Little Boy: Who says I wouldn’t understand? I’ve already learnt many things!

The boy grumbles in dissatisfaction, his arms akimbo, pestering Shaw unflinchingly.

I try my best to control the smile at the corners of my lips, and suddenly have an idea. Clearing my throat, I pretend to be a bystander, inserting myself into the conversation.

MC: What this little boy said is correct. Young man, you can’t look down on others just because you’re older by a few years.

Little Boy: Hmph! That’s right!

My “encouragement” enables the boy to be even less willing to back down, and he purses his small mouth.

Shaw: Oh?

Hearing my response, Shaw lifts his eyes, a mischievous smile curling the corners of his lips upwards.

Shaw: What is it? You also want to know?

MC: Since you started it, it’s only right for you to talk about it more.

Shaw: Since the both of you are pretty eager to learn, I’ll broaden your knowledge.

-

Next to the window, the rays of light are bright. Shaw arches his brows wilfully.

Shaw: To put it simply, this is related to the history of “fish culture”. Since ancient times, fish have represented auspicious signs and well-wishes.

Little Boy: I know about this! Is this how people wish each other “may you have abundance year after year”? I heard my teacher mentioning it before. It’s because “鱼” and “余” are homophonic!

[Note] The well-wish the boy is referring to is “年年有鱼”, which is a pun based on the proper saying “年年有余”

“Fish” is 鱼 (“yu”), while 余 (also “yu”) means abundance

Shaw: In that case, your teacher only told you half of it.

Shaw fiddles with the burin in his hand, spinning it casually.

Shaw: Fishes are an embodiment of luck. Patterns of fish can often be seen on antiques.

MC: What’s the origin of wooden carved fishes then?

Shaw pauses for a second before responding.

Shaw: Over seven thousand years ago, the most ancient wooden carved fishes were in the Hemudu culture. Based on conjectures, they were likely used for praying and well-wishes.

[Trivia] The Hemudu culture was a Neolithic culture spanning from 5500 BC to 3300 BC, located south of the Hangzhou Bay in Jiangnan in Zhejiang, China

Shaw speaks indifferently, but the boy listens at the side, his eyes wide.

Little Boy: Big Bro, you really know a lot! You’re even more incredible than my teacher!

The corners of Shaw’s lips hook upwards with pride.

Shaw: I guess so. Little Imp, remember to read more books and learn properly.

The boy runs away contentedly. My gaze lands on the wooden carving in Shaw’s hand that I can’t see quite clearly yet.

I didn’t expect the wooden carved fish to have the same symbolism as the string of persimmons. I tilt my head, feeling slightly emotional.

Time flows by as the seconds and minutes pass. Before realising it, the sky dims, and the studio lights are bright.

Swinging my hands which have almost lost all physical strength, I release a long sigh.

At the other side of the table, Shaw lifts his chin towards me.

Shaw: Progress isn’t going smoothly? 

Looking at the half-finished product with uneven contours next to my hand, I shake my head a little despondently. 

MC: Looks like I won’t be able to finish it today, and would have to come back next time. Also, the actual wood carving is light-years away from what I expected...

Hearing my soft grumbling at the end, Shaw arches his brows.

Shaw: Just by looking at it, the string of persimmons isn’t easy to make. But you dug this pit yourself, so I’ll wait and watch you fill it up.

Ignoring the teasing tone in his voice, I purse my lips.

MC: I definitely won’t give up. What about you? Are you done with the carving?

Shaw has an expression which reads “of course”, and he nods unhesitatingly.

Shaw: It was done a long time ago.

I’m stunned for a moment, both surprised and curious.

One hand supports Shaw’s cheek lightly. With a stretch of his long arm, the wooden carved fish is brought before my eyes.

This is a bright coloured wood carving of a fish. It has a roundish head and a chubby belly, and looks extremely adorable.

I lift up the wooden fish sculpture with both hands, as though instantly struck by its adorable shape.

Shaw: Excellent workmanship with profound symbolism. Your goal has been overtaken by me.

Behind the table, Shaw arches his brows in satisfaction, casually twisting the burin, his pose utterly flamboyant.

Even though his carving is indeed not bad, the moment I lift my eyes and see Shaw’s insuppressible pride, I can’t help but remain silent.

With the sudden impulse to sing a different tune, I deliberately purse my lips, speaking calmly.

MC: It’s just like this I guess. In terms of exquisiteness, I’d give a passing mark at most.

The smile on Shaw’s lips retracts slightly. While looking at me from the side, he releases a “hmph” from his nose.

Shaw: You have the nerve to criticise me? Why don’t you look at your own standard. Also, this is my exclusive design. It’s much more creative than you making a duplicate from the game.

Hearing the unwillingness to back down hidden in his tone, I can’t help but smile secretly.

Shaw glances at me indifferently. He seems to catch the secret smile on my lips, and an indiscernible light flashes across his eyes.

Shaw: Hey, shouldn’t you return it to me after touching it for half a day? You don’t like it anyway.

MC: Who says-

Almost making a slip of the tongue, I hurriedly change my words.

MC: Actually, on closer inspection, it seems that your carving is pretty okay.

Shaw: Just “okay”?

MC: ...I’ll add one mark for its symbolism and origin then.

Pleased with this, Shaw rolls his shoulders, chuckling softly.

Shaw: You still have some taste.

He crosses his leg over the other, his eyebrows suddenly furrowing. He seems to blurt out what’s in his mind.

Shaw: But the head of this fish seems a little too round... Hm, it’s a little irksome. Looks like I need to make some corrections.

MC: No it isn’t? It looks just right like this!

Afraid that Shaw would snatch it back, I hurriedly fold my hands over the wooden carving, and notice a hint of slyness in his eyes.

He leans closer abruptly, instantly closing the distance between us.

Shaw: Looking at your posture... What is it? Can’t bear to return it?

Specks of bright light reminiscent of daytime dance on Shaw’s bluish purple hair, outlining his expression and making it look even more triumphant.

I blink my eyes.

MC: Since you’re already done, I think I should observe it for a while longer, and have some “luck” rubbed off on me. I might even be able to quickly and successfully finish my wood carving too.

Shaw turns his head, the corners of his lips turning upwards relaxedly. A pondering smile surfaces in his bright eyes.

Shaw: You’ve got taste. If you really like it, it’s not that I can’t give it to you.

My heart stirs, eyes widening as I look at him. But I have the feeling that there should be a second half to his sentence.

Shaw leans back relaxedly, stretching casually.

Shaw: But I need to make up for the costs.

...just as I guessed.

Cradling the wooden carving in my hand, I lift my chin towards Shaw.

MC: Go on, what’s the “fee”?

Shaw lowers his head, pretending to deliberate for a few seconds. Then, he lifts his eyes, meeting mine.

Shaw: When you’re done with your wooden carving...

Shaw: It belongs to me. 

[Note] There are actually two ways one can interpret this line because it’s kept purposefully vague. It’s simply “归我”, which means “belong to me”. This means we can’t be sure if he’s asking for the wooden carving or MC herself :>

Shaw: How is it? Isn’t it very fair?

Light falls on the tips of Shaw’s hair, reflecting a bright and sly smile in his eyes.

Before I can react, he has already stood up.

Shaw: All right, that’s how it’d be.

🐟 Phone call: here

🐟 Support the cafe by dropping by the tip jar!

[captainkurosolaire]

I challenge you to pick five Tumblrs in your social circle and tell them something you admire about their blog!

Only 5? I could probably do 500. However, that's determined by what's considered my social circle. I'm often in my head being incredibly social continuously is really a challenge of mine. I'm always actively marching to something, my flame of passion when I have it, I can do some crazy stuff but it diminishes relatively quickly, so I try to cling. But I'll up your thing and list 25 of my fave people. Ask me this same thing in a Month, I'll keep doing 25, until I do all the people. How about that? (If anyone wants to be taken off mention let me know.)

@eligos-venator

- Has one of the most intelligent and sophisticated minds, I've had the pleasure to know. Literally admire all his aesthetics, work, head-cannons, ideas. It's only a benefit that the dude shares some OC characteristics to my own (Winning features). I really enjoyed the short-thread we did. It was incomplete, mainly because of my faults. I want to actually be better to give him a proper delivery and RP worth his time, but he's incredibly worth the investment of eyes.

@mischiefandmystics

- If there was a Mount Rushmoore of writers who kept me in this endeavor, encouraged me. Sun'ra is one of them. His characterization skills, writing, the delivery and how believable his character is, they're masterful acts.

@mishivymendi

- I wouldn't be nearly tamed or as creatively freed if it wasn't for this gem. She broke my shell, I really didn't at a time ever see myself being anything really beyond a smut writer, but Mishi not only saw potential in me, but brought it out. Her stories and world's she brings to life are so majestically colorful.

@asymphonyofash

- My go-to. He's another pillar individual who saw things in me past just the obvious perception, (Probably second longest XIV RPer I know.) Taught me a lot of the lore, I shot him up and he's sort of become my stapled rock. He's right aside Sun'ra met them about the same, both took me under their wing's as I quietly observed and absorbed.

@lavender-hemlock

- We're always up and front with each other, never feeling like I couldn't say anything around, extremely rare to share that these days. Her gif's are legendary, something on my own terms I want to soar in quality. The writing she does is astounding. Character has so many mysterious pages that are quite addictive to want to explore and learn them. (Encore 20 below-cut)

@under-the-blood-moonlight - Her sweetness and artwork and overall is just a friendly presence to be around. I cherish them so much. One I can jive with more darker undertones with. She's one the most hardworking and ambitiously creative people. I'd mail them infinite hugs if could. Thanks for being you! @roxinova - I owe a lot of credit to her. She's constantly OOC and everything was nudging me too be more inclusive to things and involved heavenly. It's rare for me. I'm really horrible about that my autism sets me back socially, I constantly will be drowned by the next day and be reverted back to better off alone, that's my major crux and weakness. But her thoughtfulness, these things, aren't ever foreign to me, I do pay attention probably better than any would ever give me credit. She's a beacon model to have as a friend. @corpse-dancer - Haven't ran into many words with them, but her character, screenshot game, expressiveness, they're all a marvel to constantly see, alongside her attitude and bringing life character. I do think if I were better, we would click quite splendidly. They've recently reminded and motivated me to pick-up my daily-practice, or try too. Keep being a rockstar. @fair-fae - Few who wouldn't know who she is in this community. She's been in my opinion a huge core. I'm certain she's inspired many who weren't even RPers too try it by seeing her at the Quicksands or elsewhere, a tyme ago. Making no exception, I was even one of those. I used to be in QS every-single day and was often doing my shameless stuff. Though her presence first did show me there's a lot more. I admire her in all fields. Also appreciate her adopting me to the FC and her always thinking of others and giving events, or her aesthetics and portrayal, its the epitome of swan elegance. @thorcat - One of my most treasured friends. Been RPing with them for a longtime. There's never anything complicated between us or a rift of drama, it's just let's go and have fun. We really mesh well, I've welcomed nearly ever character and got the privilege to RP with nearly all them. They always open up envelope and help me, settle on back and just laugh. Whether used to be waking up to their characters humping my afk one or use randomly having a hardcore banter between Ufah and Captain and capturing them as a voidal pet. Memories with them isn't something I'd ever want to lose. I love ya! Never stop enjoying life for anything. @lukawarrioroflight - I get in the gutter find myself lacking motivation or writing, discouraged even... But I never have felt, I could ever do any wrong with this person, they bring the light out of me. So no matter what, how many hospital-beds I yearly visit, it's because of this rare nature, that I come back, even if they're the only one's ever to read my stuff. I would do it for them alone. @scholarlybreadbun - I've only been back recently and they've so much warmth. Their presence is the sun of inviting. The couple and posing all the shipping that stuff makes me even melt. I'm not particularly talented in regards to posing couples, but I took notice of them along time ago and set on quietly improving. Really like them for them, wouldn't ever want them to change that. Ideally look forward to be in their orbit longer so I can bask in them. @seascrapes - Been mutual with them for a while. Their aesthetics and character is all S+ level. I appreciate throwing back tagged prompts with them, one of many people I really think would be enjoyable to collab with any other seafarers. The artwork and pieces of Tal Brook, are breathtaking as ever exceptionally too, not to mention. Love your stuff matey, you're a king. @mai-takeda - Is a myth. Her absolutely sheer friendliness and her attitude, are so positive influencing, I was so thrilled to be welcomed with her and boosted by them early on. I couldn't see myself, wanting to exist where they didn't have happiness like the same she always delivers by just doing so many soft-things. Not to mention her writing... She's a whole world to throw yourself gazes

under. @zhauric - It doesn't go far either without the same breath of Mai, I could say about Zhauric. He's someone worthy to look-up and also recognize they're passionate and inviting, hoisting up literally everything. Could easily find any of their characters comrades with my own, or jiving alongside. Not to mention last XIVWrite, they slaughtered it. So enjoyable to read them all. I like how organized their blog is too, motivated me recently to redux my entire thing. @cadrenebula - They have so many diverse characters and their entire roster is vibrant and is imbued with a massive flux of life. They are able to encapsulate so many character's voices and portray them so effectively too, I really admire that greatly. They've made me think bigger and try myself recently at actually undertaking a huge roster of characters too. I've taken many breaks, but I always am so graciously returned often with them close-by and that's so incredibly sacred. I've seen a lot of people get discouraged or quit, leave, departure, etc. But they always seem to have a bigger house then they had last I took a break and I enjoy peaking in. @silvernsteel - Her artist and gif-work are awe-aspiring, there's little unrecognizable by her photo-sets and edits. They helped me even tip-toe into uncharted with giving me the recipes to try incorporating gifs into my arsenal. Plus so delightfully pleasant to actually talk with and just chill. I want nothing less in life, than the beauty they give, to be returned to them for eternity in all their glorious air. If ever needed anything of me, they've got me. @spotofmummery - We talk about passion or friendliness or overall a person to even remotely try to be, I got to include them. Their web-series and writing, screen-work, everything they do is fantastic. And that's furthered back nearly any I've met showcase or immortalize how just genuine of stellar person they are. I wish them always the energy to create and sparks. @snow-covered-moon - They've never been anything less but absolutely a diamond to know. I enjoy their character, their almost always abundant of energy that's very rub inducing. Their WoL character stories, writing, screen-shots, everyday they open up a new pandora box of joy, there's no mistaken love behind their character and that's infectiously easy to also enjoy something when the author does too. Always healthy to be around, I never feel short of vitality when they're close-by. @letheofthelost - Always cheerful or least encapsulates with me, they're a carnival ride. Just pure epic story-telling and engaging equally as passionate, constantly writing characters, not looking for anything outside of RP or anything really just being their selves, they fade all others. I love their presence, them as a person. Enjoy any character they'll ever come and throw under me, or a change of pace. Always feels easily understandable between one another. @crow-iv - Together we're an unfiltered, unstoppable wake of pure passionate writers and art. But I would say they're far ahead of me, in every regard. Already able to portray multiple characters in a scene and do such in-depth thinking, alongside even sketch or draw right afterwards or a scene. They're so talented, huge reason I set-out on giving them a Crew of cast and actual stories to-tell when I'm actually caught up and if they interested and we both have the room, I really think if further myself, I can be better and supply more for them to draw and I want to see them soar. I want to give them all my improvements and effectiveness. @trishelle - They've such a reinforcing personality and aura around them that easily bolsters anything that dares thinking they're about to be depleted so energizing. Aesthetics, characters, all them are so lively that further compliment their own mun's great welcoming presence. Worth hundreds of smiles and stars, keep high. Wish I had more time to dedicate to learning you! But I do notice and appreciate you. @fracturedfantasia - One of my people, I like to retreat and just talk my full

head-cannons with or learn, share insightful and inquisitive thoughts about philosophies and multi-culture things. Or plotting and in-general, they're a well of information and brimming ideas, they are every making of what makes a quality friend. When you can generally be open-about-all that's a real one right there. Their characters and tarot readings, I always would implore if they're offering. Thanks for giving me any-time. You're truly a treasure. @violet-warder - Never have even came to words with them yet unfortunately but didn't mean as a mutual, I haven't admired all their screenies, writing, or the aesthetics they bring of their character. Glamours is real end-game, I like all what you've done and put together. I care strictly about what represent and give, I don't want to see them ever think anyone want's them gone, they are abundantly so talented and possess things only they can deliver. I think recently came back too, and I'm glad to share, hopefully, overtime I can build you better up. Or eventually even talk, but I'm certain you are a busy-body person too, so we're relatable. @layla-grey - I have a lot of underline issues that set me back as a flawed person, but I've never not been anything but someone who's open, it's why I always do include my f-list in anything or etc. I'm not here to present this facade, and really don't care to be an image crafted by another. No one as of recently or now, am I close with as an RP partner or friend with then this stunning masterpiece. I never let-up on story-telling or anything so I can eventually use my Crew or other Characters, to give them anytime a master entertaining day, they push me to not be short-changed. IC and OOC I would devote my full attention too cause they've never shed from me. Didn't ever matter how much silence or anything, they're always around. And don't expect anything out of me or pressure. Just accept me and I equally share that sentiment, I want you to have everything in this world has to offer. ----- This is just a fraction of people, I've paid attention, noticed or know. I've been around in this Community for many years. There's a lot of things I could say about it, more probably then anyone else. But what matters to me, is recognizing the people who are here, that work hard, build others up, support, constantly are a beam. I don't need to interact with everyone, to know when someone is generally out for good. Or they're out for bad I've learned inquisitiveness longtime ago, I had to survive and remain afloat. I just go out and be me, and along the way, I get to find people like these, who help bring out the best me. I am nothing without these people, creators, writers, artist. I'm a terrible friend, horrible person, I don't have the energy to interact NEARLY with as much as I'd like with you all, If I could clone myself, or if things were different, I would drop it all to be in your orbits more if could. But, do know I appreciate you. And even if you ever do depart from this whole community or anything, know that anything you share, or give, that stuff does matter, somewhere, someone was aspired, if nothing else, by me. ONLY you can give the worlds you see and I am thankful. Do love yourself.

[theantoniomabs]

Today I am here writing on my laptop because I seem to have lost most motivation on working. Not just on my game but perhaps on everything. As a last dish resort that I swear will work, I will be essentially looking into my psyche, in hopes of finding the reason to why I do this and why I want to do it. The first thing I want to think about is Moai: An Interactive Experience. In a way this is very much for me to figure out my ideas a bit better, not necessarily to gain likes, views, or comments. More for me than for you, but I hope you get something out of this as an development blog.

   What is Moai: An interactive Experience?

First Ever SpriteSheet for Moai

Moai Prototype made in Flash CS3

Spritesheets put into use to build out the first concept levels.

Moai is a puzzle platforming game I have been developing for the better part of last year. About 7 months since I started the first devlog on youtube.

About 10 videos in so far, which feels good but at the same time a little bad. I started doing the devlogs in order to promote the game but understandably that hasn’t been working too well, or rather maybe not as well as I had hoped, but that’s ok. I do enjoy the process of editing my progress into bite sized pieces of milestone markers. So in a way that’s nice.

Level Art

Level 0 Sketch

On the other side of the marketing sphere is of course the actual creation of the game. The art is awesome! I love working on this kind of stuff, the ideas are always pouring out of me. For example this is the first sketch of the first level. Technically Level 0 because this is the intro of the game. Here we can see how Moai receives life by a buttefly laying on his head and causing a flower to come to life.

  Moai Level 0- Concept Art

Level Sketches

After I have completed the initial level I decided to continue working on the next levels. I know I want a couple of puzzles but all in all what I really want for this game is to make you feel like you are there. That sorts of stuff will really help you relax as you play, which in truth is the whole idea of the game. It’s a tool for you to disconnect from the world, and just relax in a beautiful serene world inhabited by beautiful animals and a stone giant.

The music should help you with that. I think that it would be a great wonderful idea to play the bell sound I have for the frequency of love segments. It gives space to the whole game so that’s wonderful. So it can play whenever Moai does his magic life touch. I also just though that perhaps it could be a good idea if Moai got slower the more he gets close to the end. That sounds pretty cool. That way he can start fast at the beginning, full of life but as he activates the points in the island he becomes weaker. Not sure if it’s visible in the art, but perhaps it should.

Character Sketches and Base Sprites

Moai Turn-Around Sketch

I like how Moai looks right now. He can have a bit more definition here and there but overall his animations are starting to look good. Once I do the revise on the art, I’m thinking I will animate it even further in Photoshop, make the necklace move, and add some motion on the the flower and the clothes. That secondary motion really brings live into the art.

Moai SpriteSheet Twee

Moai Pose Sketches

The character continues to evolve as I continue to create art and grow my artistic skills. Which is very good because my unique art style and techniques will play heavily on the feeling this game will give to the player. The stoic expression feels very good for a stone statue that can walk. I also like that it’s gender ambiguous, because I would love for everyone to be able to feel like they are the character, not just men and women, but pretty much everyone in the whole planet, same goes for his age. Moai could be 10 years old, or anywhere from 10,000 years old. Relaxation and positivity should know no exclusion.

Meaning behind the Stone Garden and the Growth Symbol

Stone Garden and Flower sketches Tiny Loading Screen guy

When I did my research on Eastern Island, I learned several things.

1- There are a lot of birds, fishes, and butterflies.

2- There are also several plants, tress and of course the stone statues.

3- People that live there make these very pretty stone structures used to basically encompass gardens.

I love that, and I decided to make it into an important mechanic in the game. The general game is a journey, however the journey is blocked off and segmented into several sections where the player must learn something new about themselves, their environements, or their personal story, in order to progress further into the island. Every time they find a point in which they have to progress, Moai must give a little bit of life force into in a sort of exchange of energy that activates certains parts of the island that will teach him or allow him to pass.

In some cases, Moai and in turn the player must give time to the game in order to accomplish something. Like waiting 5 minutes at the docks for a wooden boat to arrive and take you to a secret part of the island. Or sitting down and waiting at the top of a particularly beautiful hill that rewards you with a cinematic pan of the whole island as seen from the highest point, which is where you are sitting.

In the case of the Stone Garden however, Moai will literally give from his own life force to connect himself into the earth and help a small plant blossom. This blossoming results in a domino effect throughout the level that changes the scenery for better. Very reminiscent of the amazing and beautiful game, Okami. Whenever this happens a beautiful bell should sound in the background, as the plants grow around Moai and his path is revealed. In some cases, like in the magical forest. Moai will not be encumbered by simple gates, but rather by secret foliage that parts it’s way for Moai to continue his journey.

In the island as I mentioned earlier there is also a lot of wild life.

Real things like:

seagulls

fishes

crabs

iguanas

snakes

grasshoppers

fireflies

insects

bugs

frogs

deer

As well as fantastical animals like:

El bugalopo which is a sort of magical deer that appears randomly and has a bone mask covering his face.While in some cases the animal will act as art assets and not necesarilly interact with the player, for the case of the bugalopo, whenever he appears he will run away from the player, and will always be behind the woods. In the forest, you can see his yellow eyes appearing through the mist. In a way he simbolizes desires, and the attainability of wordly pleasantries. Because you want to catch him, but in truth you never can. He will always be away from you, ever running, he is not to divert you from your highest truth which is to bring postivity, love and growth into the island for as long as you live.

There is perhaps another fantastical animal, something like an oax or a boar. A big leathery animal that likes to eat the grass pastures. I’m not sure what they do yet, but I can see them in my mind’s eye for this game.

    Early Moai Sketch

This is a very important sketch for me, as it started the journey towards the ending of the game. I don’t want to spoil the big ending, but here we can see Moai sitting and pondering his life as he traversed through the island. This gave way to this sketch of the moutainside.

Last Level MountainSide Sketch

Which gave birth to this scene.

      Download the Moai Wallpaper when you Join the Email List

This scene helped me create all the base character assets and animations for the game, plus it serves as a wonderful promotional piece of content. With this in mind, I am thinking that the game, even though it’s starting to look like an actual game. With levels, movements, and controls. I feel like it still lacks life.

https://www.reddit.com/r/unity/comments/glt1r6/art_assets_art_in_the_game_moai_an_interactive/

This is why I think that besides just working on polishing out the engine and it’s bugs, I wilt working on some of the more aesthetically elements, like background and foreground animations, and the creatures I mentioned earlier that will interact and live in this world with Moai.

The next devblog will have to be about how I created:

animal art assets

new stone garden assets

and a burst of energy asset for when growth has been activated

Technical things like:

sound manager system

debugging

water reflections

the sitting and waiting mechanic

the boat mechanics

loading screen mechanics

polishing up the UI

dialog system (narrator/info boxes)

Environmental Effects like rain,mist, and the interactivity of the npc creatures

In a way this devblog will help me not only to stay focused and know what to keep top of mind, with myself and this game. I feel better overall now that I’ve written this. In the next work session for Moai I think I will be able to be productive and efficient, and continue aiding the process for Moais growth and materialization.

It will also help me divide what I want this game to be versus what I want PixelPeeps to be, which is a whole ‘nother blogpost on it’s own.

Here’s a question if you made it this far. What sort of cool mechanics would help you relax? What would you see implemented in the game that will perhaps better the world of Moai: Interactive as whole? Maybe snow, and not just rain and mist? What are your thoughts, and while we are at it, what’s your favorite animal?

Moai Devblog 1: Focus on Growth Today I am here writing on my laptop because I seem to have lost most motivation on working.

[thezomblr-blog1]

HAPPY ONE YEAR WRITING A FUCKED UP NOT-A-ZOMBIE DUDE

I'm following suit and doing my own #FollowForever to celebrate my one year on this blog (Which actually was April 30th Oops!) Just wanted to take some time to appreciate my ride or dies and friends I've made over the course of this year. I'm so glad I made the choice to give Tumblr RP a chance because I've met so many fantastic people and inspiring writers. Overall this RPC is incredible and deserves all the positivity I can possibly fling at it. I can't believe there are 649 following this trash fire. Thank you all for the support!! Every single one of you liking threads, fics, participating in events, and sending in asks means the absolute world.

RIDE OR DIES

@hellrager​

Just as you started with me, there's no one else I could have started with but you. I was so shocked by how instantly we connected. Even before we talked OOC our writing meshed together so flawlessly without any prior plotting or discussion. We've always been on the same wavelength to the point it's almost creepy and yet in the same breath, we can still inspire and surprise each other with new ideas and plots. I never expected to find a friendship like this in the RPC, and so quickly. We've said this before but you are a breath of fresh air into my life and the first person I've been able to bond with so closely in a long ass time. Grim, you inspire me not only in terms of writing but also in my day to day life.  I don't think you'll ever understand how much of a blessing you've been to me. You've given me the motivation to work harder, to constantly improve myself, and do better each and every day. You've empowered me to take control of my life and stop coasting through it mindlessly. Our relationship means so much to me and I gotta stop now or this whole post is going to end up being about how truly incredible you are. 🐱 ♥ 🐺

@youngsouthey​ This time I actually get to write a bit for you instead of someone I just watch from afar! It was my first Follow Forever that actually got us talking and contrasting how we both played Brian! I'm never going to forget that moment when your incredibly talented self told me that you admired me – when I was the one admiring your work. It felt like I had been noticed by a celebrity honestly. It was insane. I'm so glad that its spawned a solid friendship where we can sit and talk about our OCs for hours on end just shooting the shit. I cannot wait to see where another year takes us.  God your art and writing ideas just take my breath away. It's honestly crazy to see how rapidly you keep improving. Just when I think your artwork can't get any better it does with the very next drawing or sketch and I have to pick my jaw up off the ground. Your artwork and headcanons made me feel so validated with my own (and I'm so glad to have someone else in Team Top Damien Bottom Brian – but you me and Grim go on about that for hours haha

@shadow-of-fear-and-doubt​ / @a-poisonous-gamble​ By now almost everyone has heard about how you were the first blog I encountered in the Monster Prom community. About how I was scared that I was going to be the only Monster Prom blog before we found each other and screamed about these idiots. I'm so proud of all the progress you've made personally and how you tackle challenges that come your way. A lot of other people would have let that defeat them or made them turn bitter. I admire your genuine positive attitude towards people around you. It's absolutely awesome.

@woofjock

Where would a Follow Forever list be without you? You've installed yourself as a centrepiece to this community from the get go. You've spent so much time and energy maintaining the Masterlist. You're constantly showering the dash with them positive vibes and reminders that the RPC tends to need more often than not. Not to mention your version of Scott is absolutely flawless. Brian and Scott have not gotten to interact as much as I would like but he will support him dating his purple eldritch daughter any day. One day our jobs will stop kicking our asses collectively and we'll be able to interact ahaha.

@zombfear​ / @d-e-lioncourt​ Honestly the best duplicate I could have asked for. I love how we forged a relationship between our Brian's that works so well for our canon. The idea of them as cousins is so fucking heartwarming and I want to make an effort to get more zombie cousins back on the dash again soon!! I also super miss your Liam and the 'dirty little secret' plot between Brian and Liam in their ship verse. Interactions with you are always so much fun to watch and take part in!

@hellrexgn / @gruselhigh

I don't think I have EVER seen a multimuse run so smoothly. You run the gold standard for multimuse blogs. How you keep interactions between all the muses even and active is just astounding and I only wish I had more energy to play with the ships we have concepts for because I love them all! Honestly, I do not know how you do it but other multimuse blogs should look to you as an example. You're so fun to chat and plot with or just talk stupid headcanons about their day to day. When things do go amiss in the plotting phase you are so easy to work with and have things rectified and it's never felt awkward or forced. I also LOVE that you indulge Grim and I with three-person threads! So many other people are scared of doing them, but I love that we can have our characters slip in and out of threads as they are needed. You're so accommodating and adaptable. I love it.  Thank you for putting up with my shit.

@screvvedloose​ / @outofthemaiinstream​

AAAAAHHH !! The relationship between Vicky and Brian is one of the most simultaneously heart wrenching and adorable thing I've written. The way you so readily took the role my Brian needed in his life is incredible and exactly what I pictured when I first conceptualized the headcanon and I'm so thrilled that you had a similar take on the relationship between these two! I also am a huge fan of your Liam and hope he and Brian will also get to interact more soon as what I've seen of them already is fantastic.

@loveyourfears​

I think it's so rare and fantastic to see someone so invested in other people's storylines on the RPC – I think you were the Damien/Brian ship's original cheerleader on this blog and at some points Oz became the mouthpiece for what a lot of others in our captive audience were thinking at the time when Dame and Bri were torturing themselves. It's really good to see someone try to foster platonic connections and take part in being part of a cast of characters rather than the one on one stuff you see most often on the RPC. It's been cool to get to know you over the past year and here's to another year of fun times.

@spoiledfins​ / @idowatercolours​  / @revcnga​  I LOVE YOU! Even though you aren't active on Miri so much I still love your take on her and I've got a Brian/Miri ship with your name on it whenever you wanna start working towards it. I'm so glad we've started to get to know each other OOC because you make me laugh so fucking much. Your stories are fucking gold as is the cursed content you provide! I can't wait to get to know you better as I think this is the start of an amazing friendship.

MORE FANTASTIC PEOPLE (Lets Interact More I Love Your Shit)

@caelestalis | @glitchwalking | @glamourwitchcraft | @quamxmulti | @fudox | @eldfic | @oz-answers | @electrifyingstitches | @howlkissed | @airxn​ | @bestiadeluna​ | @best-wolf-boi​ | @purpleshopkeep​ | @karismatickitty​ | @lcbotomy​ | @lxrosalita​ | @zgords​ | 

[crazytxgradstudent]

If I Was Your Vampire (pt 6)

More years passed, more time stretched in between when I saw Vlad that last night, until at one point, it had been so long that I had seen him, or talked with him, that I began to wonder if he’d ever been real. I made it through my first year of college, and then my second, and third, and now, I was nearing 23 years old, and was just about to graduate college with my degree in digital art. Overall, I had a good life. A normal life. I had a routine. I had friends and a social life. I had boyfriends. Even had one that lasted almost a year before I decided I could no longer pretend that he was good enough. For whatever reason, they were never good enough, despite them all having money and good grades and scholarships. It was ridiculous, but true. And even though I was still so very young, I somehow knew in my heart that Vlad was the reason why no one else was good enough.

As far away as I was, I could never seem to escape his grasp.

Vlad had been my driving force, the motivation behind my need to do well, and to do it on my own. I wanted him to be proud of me. To see that I was capable, that I was an adult, and that I didn’t need to depend upon him. I was proud of myself for being able to stand on my own two feet. And, I was able to get over myself enough to text him occasionally, and let him know I was fine. He had provided this life for me, it was the least I could do. He continued to overstep, but I forgave him. How could I not? It was not his fault that I wanted more from him than he could give. The $250K he’d dumped in my account the day I’d left, yes, I had used some of it, but the majority remained, as I refused to accept his help as much as I could.  I’d never tell him that, though. As mad as I was, I didn’t want to hurt him in that way. So, I let him assume that I needed his money, and by some extension, him. If I denied it, I’m sure he would have pressed harder, and how was I supposed to move on if he did that? Whenever I missed his call or text, it was because I was studying, not working one of my two jobs. I never told him that I was working so much because I knew he’d lecture me, and I was done being lectured by him.

Stupid, idiotic child. His words still stung.

I tried to forget him and all the silly feelings I had about him. I tried to move on. But in the beginning, it felt impossible. It seemed impossible, no matter what I did. And believe me, I did a lot in the name of moving on.

In the early days of living away from him, in my mind, my only truth was that no matter how hard I tried to pretend that what I felt for him was diminished by distance, it was not. And somehow, I had to fix that, because he’d made it abundantly clear that he did not want me in that way, that my crush on him would never be reciprocated. I worried that I would never be able to fix it, that I would never be able to move on. And that made me mad. Frustrated me. Made me feel out of control, of myself and my emotions. So I took charge and stepped out of my comfort zone and became the stereotypical freshman at a school known for partying: I would go out on dates with this guy and that one, and sometimes, I’d swear I saw Vlad in the distance, his dark eyes watching me from afar. Judging me. I assumed I was seeing things, but knowing him,  I knew it was possible that he'd be checking up on me like that. And because it made me angry to feel like I was still somehow attached to him, that he was still trying to cast his shadow over me, I tried to do every wild and crazy thing I could think of. Drinking, partying, experimenting with drugs. And lots and lots of sex. I lost my virginity to some guy in my psych class after a drunken night of booze and weed.  Maybe it was because I’d almost been raped before, and maybe it was because each time Vlad had come to my rescue, and maybe it was because I wanted him to come to my rescue again, that I played with fire in that manner. Maybe I just didn’t care. Or, I wondered, maybe I wanted to sleep with so many guys that any memory of Vlad would have no room to remain in my head. Maybe I was crazy. Maybe I was obsessed. So many maybes…

It never worked though.

It never stuck, the relationships, and as each one bled into the next, I grew more and more annoyed. Maybe I was just destined to be alone. Like Vlad. What a crock of shit. My anger at him continued to grow. My resentment festered, until I finally I came to a point where I would ignore his texts and then his phone calls, and would only send word by way of Angie. But then my communication with Angie also waned, and I blamed Vlad for that, too. How was it possible that after all these years, and all this space, and all this damn time, that he still held some kind of control over me? It infuriated me, as much as it made me incredibly sad.

And after my anger, I grew depressed. So sad that I was skipping classes and not eating. Not sleeping. The sadness lingered like an old wet, blanket that you could never get the stench out of it, hanging heavy over my heart and mind and soul.

I was sad, despite the many different antidepressants I tried, and despite all the coping skills I’d been taught and employed. I couldn’t stop crying the day I’d dug through my pile of drawings and accidentally stumbled upon that old one I’d done of him so long ago. I had smiled at my rudimentary skills, knowing it was the mark of a beginner. And besides, I didn’t have photos of him, never would, so the only thing I had was my memory and what I could draw from it. That day, I sat on my floor, listening to Marilyn Manson, just as I had as a teenager, and began drawing him again.

Vlad, taking my hand the first time we met, rescuing me from Daniel.

Vlad, in the huge kitchen he never ate in, lecturing me about grades and whatever else had irritated him that day.

Vlad, on my birthday, gifting me with that car, and our kiss by the pool.

Vlad giving me that bracelet and necklace the day I left, the day that I’d pushed him so far that he’d nearly come undone.

His words that day haunted me still: You would turn me into this beast, and be happy for it...

The day I’d found that old drawing, I sat there on my floor, tears streaming down my cheeks as I sketched him, as I drew out by hand all the memories of him I could recall. This went on for days, and sometimes weeks as I sunk into a deeper depression, topped off with waves of manic energy, fueled by heartache and too much liquor. As it were, I now had an entire notebook full of images of him. I only dug it out when I was super depressed or super lonely, knowing full well that he was both the cause and the cure for both.  

At some point - maybe when I was brought into the guidance counselor’s room and explained I was failing and needed a remedial plan if I wanted to graduate - I knew I needed some help. I needed to do something with myself.

And so, as a way to start healing, I’d been directed to a counselor at the school, and had begun processing some of my accumulated trauma. The abuse by my father. My mother’s suicide, and my guilt surrounding that. The way my father had blamed me for her death, saying that I’d brought it on, and how he couldn’t stand to look at me because I looked so much like her. The loss of my grandmother that I barely knew. When it came time to discuss the man that I’d moved in with after my father’s death, I found that much harder to talk about. How do you explain to a therapist that probably the greatest man you had ever known was a killer who drank blood to survive? That the man you’d been nursing a crush on for so many years was a vampire? That he was the vampire in all the stories, misguides though they were. It was ridiculous. It sounded ridiculous.

And so, I’d explored my feelings surrounding him, whilst leaving out the whole immortal, vampire part, because I knew that I needed to talk about him to someone.  If I was ever going to get better, I needed to work through whatever emotionally tangled mess I had in my head and heart in regards to him.

The counselor agreed with my earlier hypothesis, that my attraction to my guardian was probably stemming from my unresolved issues with my father, and my unmet attachment needs. Perhaps, I’d nodded in agreement. It made sense. I had a shit dad, so I looked to Vlad to be the dad I never had. Maybe I even idolized him in some ways. I could see that.

Or maybe, I’d argued, maybe he was the first man I’d ever looked at to take care of me, when so many others had always wanted to hurt me? That, as strange as it sounds, I felt safe with him.  The therapist agreed that it was possible. We talked about the attempted rapes, and about current boyfriends. How did they treat me? And how did I want to be treated? Because you know, you teach people how to treat you, she’d explained. I agreed, wondering if I’d taught Vlad how to treat me in some way.

"He must be much older than you?” the therapist had asked. I smiled.

“Yeah, a little.” I replied. She had no idea.

“So, I mean, I guess it’s not unheard of, as I’m sure plenty of folks have entered into romantic relationships with older partners.” She tapped at her lip with her pen. “My concern is that he is in – well he was in – a guardianship position over you.” She shifted in her seat. “Forgive me for asking, and you don’t have to answer, but did your guardian ever…make any inappropriate advances towards you? Maybe when you were younger?”

I started laughing, remembering it was I that had kissed him. “No.”

“I know it’s hard, but sometimes these things happen, and it can skew our feelings towards our caregivers. And unfortunately, it’s not unheard of in this kind of situation,” the therapist continued. I gave another laugh, followed a fervent shake of my head.

“He never touched me like that. Ever.” I giggled again, remembering all the times I wished he had done just that. Leave it up to an almost 600-year old vampire to be a paragon of virtue.

“What’s going on right now?” She asked me as she took in my laughter. “Sarah, what are you thinking?”

“I’m just thinking, that of all the men I’ve ever been around in my life, all have taken from me, hurt me, lied to me. Hit me, abused me.  All have been very, very bad.” I ducked my head and fiddled with the edge of my fake nail.

“That struck a nerve with you, didn’t it?” The therapist prodded gently. I nodded. “Tell me why. That thought didn’t come from out of nowhere.”

“It’s just that, the one person that should want to hurt me, the one that had every reason to, never did.” I looked up at her and took a deep breath. “And it’s so incredibly crazy to me, because if you knew this person, you’d understand what I was saying.”

The therapist frowned. “I mean, I don’t have to know him to know that he— or anyone else for that matter—shouldn’t be hurting you. No matter who they are. I gotta say, Sarah, I’m a little concerned about the thought processes going on right now.”

I glanced at her and then returned to my fingernail.

“Okay, so you know those stories of people that rescue lions and they raise them, and later on they release them into the wild, and then the animal comes back and recognizes their rescuer? Like on Facebook, have you seen those videos?” I peeled back the nail on my index finger and tucked it in my jean pocket, and then moved on to my middle finger.

“Maybe, I’m not sure,” the therapist continued frowning.

“So, the lion, it’s a natural-born killer, right?”

Another nod from the therapist.

“So, why don’t they kill their rescuers?”

“I’m not a veterinarian, Sarah,” the therapist smiled in that annoying, patronizing therapist way. I frowned, exasperated that she wasn’t following where I was going.

“They don’t hurt the rescuers because they love them! Can’t you see? That just because something can kill, that something is born to kill, and needs to kill, that it doesn’t always kill?” I was smiling as if I’d just solved some great mystery of the world.

“Well, Sarah, I’m sure those lion caretakers are very careful around the lions, regardless of the relationship. It’s still a wild animal. It could turn at any moment.”

“And yet everyday they go in that enclosure and take care of that animal.” My smile grew. “Why would they do that?”

“Well, it’s their job, but I’m sure that they have some kind of emotional attachment to the animals in their care.” The therapist was writing furiously on her tablet.

“It’s because they love the lions. They love them, despite the lions being potential man-eaters.” I smiled again. “And I think the lions love them back.”

After that session, I began to understand myself better. I knew that a part of me loved Vlad for who he was – my caretaker, my guardian. An immortal vampire. My friend. But I also had feelings for him, that to me, at least, began to make sense in my own head. Because for the longest, I had wondered how on earth I could justify feeling any type of way towards someone that could kill me. The fact was, he’d never tried to kill me. If anything, he’d only ever tried to protect me – from the world and himself. To me, that meant that Vlad cared for me. And for now, that was enough. I didn’t feel the need to go back to him and explain, because I was sure he’d deny me still. All that mattered was that I knew what I knew in my heart, and that was enough.

With my thoughts cleared on what I felt for Vlad, I began to try and look at it as just another unrequited love story. Yes, it sucked, but I wouldn’t be the first to have a heartbreak, nor would I be the last. I would get over it.

Eventually.

[bvannn]

Weekly Recap Jan 27 2023:

This week my social life has dominated my schedule, so I do not have much to share in the way of pet projects. That isn’t to say I did nothing this week.

My main goal this week was finishing up the TRG Animated models, to which I have effectively completed. Emile has been rerig fed and a number of his pieces have been swapped out for ones that fit the overall art style better (and some are even a bit more mobile). Tim has been completed entirely. Jon has been fine for a while, but I want to tweak a few internal details of the model around his neck and shoulders, as Jon, quite characteristically, has a clipping problem. That shouldn’t take more than ten minutes to fix though, and I will post turnarounds of all three of the boys once I have them done, tomorrow (homework permitting). Also hope to storyboard a test for Tim and Emile with a new timing system I have devised (so hopefully the movements feel more natural).

I am still participating in Inktober 52, though due to my life being particularly busy this week, I was unable to complete the prompt by yesterday’s deadline. I have the sketch complete, and plan to ink it tonight, as well as post it. I will also begin the sketch for next week’s prompt early, in hopes to subvert this problem.

I have downloaded and organized a number of clip studio paint brushes and tools, and hope to utilize some of them soon. I may need to tweak a few settings on some to help linework, but overall I should be in good shape.

Music has not really progressed, tonight I may try a strategy I have devised in attempts to piece together melodies for compositions, given I stay awake long enough. Otherwise will be pushed back to Sunday if I am lucky, or later if not. Should be fun to work on and improve as I do it more. Do not have strategies for other channels, though I hope those will follow naturally, and if not I can learn.

As for work related to OCs, all I have is more outline work, for the primary and secondary story. I have spent time ‘researching’ by consuming other media, particularly ones similar in tone and content to what I am trying to create. The main issue that has prevented proper progress for years has been a lack of desire to consume media. I am forcing myself to enjoy more. In particular, since the secondary story I am working on has a stage play/musical theming, I have been forcing myself to watch musicals, a rather difficult task due to the fact that musicals have a bad habit of having *terrible music*. That bearing in mind, I am attempting to avoid one’s of this nature, and if worst comes to worst I can just skip songs. Any recommendations for musicals with soundtracks that are **distinct from other musicals** and has songs that are **distinct from one another**, are welcome. Plot is optional, I’m more looking for that good musical *feel* than actually good musicals (for example, Cats fucking sucks but has been a great example. Only bad song I’ve heard from it so far is Memory, one of the most popular oddly enough)

Apart from that, more specific outline work for the primary story is chugging along. Mostly focused on the more episodic parts of the story, helping them contribute to the earlier character arcs. I’ve found a good art discord I think I’ve mentioned before, and I’m so glad it’s clicked with me, as it’s helped my motivation so much. Even when I disagree with someone’s advice, it helps me want to show them my alternative, and they can make their own story. I do hope I can find some people with similar tastes to my own to run the story past at some point though, since I wouldn’t want to make someone critique an entirely different type of genre of story to what they’re accustomed to.

Last big thing I did this week was DnD. The setting is very cool, and I am looking forward to building up motivation to draw stuff for it. Most likely minis, which I can hopefully post.

Not much overall this week, but hopefully next week should be better, especially if I can get all the things I’m hoping to done tomorrow.

[houseofvans]

ART SCHOOL | Q&A with Scott Chenoweth

A man of many sketchbooks, Long Beach based artist Scott Chenoweth’s black and white illustrations focus on subtle humor, puns, and all things that capture his many imaginations. Not only one thing, Scott creates art in different styles for different things– using what he has learned from being the art director at Surfing Magazine and his experiences as a director at What Youth art program. We’re stoked to find out more about Scott’s artistic process, find out his art school tip, and about some of his many projects in 2018 – including his first solo show in over 12 years! 

Photographs by Taylor Dunfee

Introduce yourself?  I’m Scott Chenoweth, a freelance illustrator and designer from Ventura, Ca currently living in Long Beach. Lets see, the basic run down is I’ve spent the last 12 years making magazines, was the art director of Surfing Magazine for 5 years then started What Youth and just wrapped up my time there. I also opened a brewery called Madewest Brewing Co. in Ventura with some high school friends that’s been so much fun to work on and a great way to get art out that I never thought possible.

Describe your works for us. I have a few different styles, I like to use each medium for different things. For example, my illustration style is predominantly black and white silly line drawings of puns and other things I think are funny. I like to use that medium for myself, just to enjoy making things that people can smirk at.

Whereas my design style is a lot more buttoned up. It’s the one that I take a little more seriously. Clean, minimalist, no marks made unless they’re essential. That kind of thing. I do a lot of brand identities and have spent a lot of time in print. The design work is definitely more visible than my illustration stuff, but hopefully that will start to shift this year.

What were some of your early influences? Art heroes?  I got into art super early so I have a lot of different influences. Love the abstract expressionists Rauschenberg, Rothko, any of those artists that were really messing with the platform of what it meant to make art. Francis Bacon, Goya, Klimt and when I was a kid I was pretty obsessed with Nagel, H.R. Giger, Escher and so on. I loved anyone who was skilled with a pen. When I was a kid I thought the more realistic the drawing looked, the better artist you were. I think that’s why I gravitated to the abstract expressionists when I figured out that wasn’t the case. 

Tell us what type of things are you inspired by in your recent works?  I get super inspired by working with the kids (ha, 18-24 year olds). I have been lucky enough to surround myself with some incredibly talented people at What Youth that are always questioning the way I learned to do things. Filmakers, artists, photographers - just kids who have never been told not to do something a certain way. I grew up and went to art school where I was yelled at and told how things must be done. The younger generations are skipping the school shit and just making stuff. There’s so many platforms for it now that didn’t exist when I was that age. It’s so sick to see unfiltered expression that’s the result of all this new media.

Do you keep a sketchbook or work your ideas as you go along?  I do, I have 5 in the works right now. One for notes the rest for sketches and ideas. I have small ones that fit in the pocket for when I’m out and about. Larger ones that get a little dusty from time to time. I stopped using them as much recently, cause if I ever wanted to do something with the art in them, it’s kinda pointless. I’m not going to have someone ask to buy a drawing and sell them my whole sketch book… and I definitely don’t want to rip it out. The books kinda become sacred personal items, and I am trying to get away from that. Art is meant to be shared, not hoarded on a shelf.

What’s something you can pass along art tip wise? What have you learned in your years of art making? I think a lot of people don’t understand the commitment you have to make to do anything with art. If you’re not completely self motivated, it’s probably not for you. Everyone I know that’s actually making rad shit right now is completely obsessed. And it’s so cool to see that drive and what they do with it. There’s no dabbling in it.

How do you stay fresh or spend your time when you’re not drawing? How do you overcome drawer’s block? The usual suspects I guess. Hitting the road traveling, spinning records, drinking beers on the patio and I’ve gotten super into cooking lately too. As far as drawers block, I just try and not force it. I have so many outlets drawing is kind of the fun thing to get back to. I have a silk screen press in my house, paint murals, design logos, build furniture, etc. There’s so much to do that drawers block kinda doesn’t exist. If you’re not feeling it, switch mediums or just take a break and walk around the block. 

What do you think you’d be doing if you weren’t an artist? Probably be a paramedic. My pop is a doctor and my mom’s a nurse. I grew up around the medical stuff my whole life and was always super into it and loved being around that kinda thing. 

What are your favorite Vans? Any of the classics. I’ve had em all on heavy rotation since I was 7 years old with my first pair of checkered slip ons and still rock the same hand full of styles. I guess that’s just part of growing up in southern CA. The classics never die.

What advice would you give someone thinking about art as a career? Now is the best time to do it. There’s more opportunity out there than I’ve ever seen. So many new things coming out, so may platforms to share your work on, so may ways you can get your work seen. If you’re getting into it now, be lucky, but also realize you’re not alone and you’re going up against everyone else trying for the same jobs. And if the job you want isn’t out there, make it up. That’s what we did at What Youth and we had great time running around the world making shit

What’s up for the rest of your year? Anything you’d like to mention?  This year has been and continues to be super hectic and exciting. I left full time work for the first time in my life to attack freelance design. There’s a ton of exciting projects coming in outside of the surf/skate world that really excite me, especially in the cannabis industry. I also have a few big painting and mural projects coming up this fall. Got the new silk screen set up and am cranking out new shirts under the label “Don’t Feed The Ghosts”. I have a bunch of new Madewest Beer cans coming out this summer, we’re launching like two new cans per month. And just overall saying yes to anything I can get my hands on. Oh, and I just signed up to do my first solo show in over 12 years at the beginning of next year, so its going to be a busy year to say the least. Thanks for reaching out!

Check out SCOTT | Website | @scottchenoweth

[juleswolverton-hyde]

Your brand part 2

Genre: Tattoo Artist AU, smut, romance

Pairing: Tattoo artist!Taehyung x Reader

Warning: No warnings apply

Summary: ''Let me ink your ink your skin like you've inked your brand on my heart.''

For Ana, my partner in crime and source of inspiration.

What should have been a simple outing to get a tattoo at the most well-known tattoo shop in town, Ink Borough, results in being engraved by the biggest name in the world of ink and boss of the parlour, Kim Taehyung. However, getting a tattoo can entail a whole lot more than one might think.

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

Masterlist

Thoughts are briefly distracted from the painful prospect through the refreshing breeze and straying drops of fountain water that are refreshingly spraying the bare skin of my arms, one of which shall soon have a memory engraved into it by an artist with, suspected, hidden motives.

Although, it is clear he wants to have a drink together, albeit it on the job. Normally, one would not even consider doing such a thing, but something about Taehyung makes me do the opposite of what is seen as common sense. The two cups filled with bright red strawberry smoothies next to me obviously the evidence of that.

There are still ten minutes to go before the hour has passed, but if I simply sit here and do nothing more doubtful thoughts may slip in, causing me to contradict my own words in the end. I refuse to let that happen, partially because I do not want to grant the artist the knowledge of being right after all.

I stand up from the white marble bench, pick up the cardboard holder with the beverages, and head back to Ink Borough through the streets filled with tourists and locals who enjoy the warm weather. 

However, whereas they let themselves be warmed by the sun, I am doing quite a pretty good job doing so myself by unintentionally feeding a probably unnecessary fear.

Taehyung has not budged an inch since I left, sitting barefoot and cross-legged on the leather sofa in the exact spot, lost in sketching. Next to him lays a heap of papers torn from his purple notebook in the meanwhile, the finished options for the tattoo. His latest work joins the rest when I put the smoothies on the glass coffee table in front of the couch.

'You're early,' he remarks with a hint of humour. 'Don't tell me you're now actually looking forward to the needle.'

'Ha ha, very funny,' I retort sarcastically. 'I brought something to drink.'

'Strawberry smoothies.' His deep voice turns thoughtful when he glances at the refreshments. 'My family has a strawberry farm down south.'

'Really?' When you take a look at him, take in the predictions on his skin, the least you would expect is for him to be a farmer's boy.

'Yeah, can't say that I have tasted one in any sort of variety for a long time though.' A hint of a past trouble glazes over his eyes. 'Huh, funny.'

'Is there a reason for that?'

'Wouldn't you like to know, detective.' And we are back to the snark. 'Anyhow,' he gestures to the various drawings of phoenixes, 'see if you find any of them to your liking.'

Drink in hand, I place the pile on my lap. Page after page is filled with a sophisticated design of the mystical creature ascending from either a pile of ashes or the residue dancing around them. Some do not have the dust of its former body included, merely the impression it flies upwards.

After going through the stack, I find the perfect design. With a smile, I turn to him, once more almost bumping my head against his. The grin instantly transforms into a snarl. 'Do you have to be so close? It's uncomfortable.'

He feigns offence. 'I am only observing your reaction, Y/N. Nothing unseemly.'

'Sure.' Now it is my turn to be sarcastic.

'Funny and knows how to use sarcasm. Y/N, I may just start to like you.'

'Nothing unseemly,' I remind him.

'Would that angry face change if I did?' He leans back, lip caught between his teeth, expression smug.

An effort to offer a reply that fails, an averted gaze focused on the chosen symbol, a brief hush in which the heat is very tangible though it is uncertain whether it is due to summer or wild thoughts.

'Although, I do quite enjoy your current expression.' He takes a sip of the smoothie. 'You should drink as well before you pass out on the chair as I am doing the outline. That is if the cotton dabbed with alcohol already won't do the trick.'

'You find it really amusing, don't you, teasing me so much because this is my first time.' Gaze turned fierce and courage regathered, I snap my head up to look Taehyung in the eye.

'Calm down, Y/N. I'm just doing it because I like you and want you to feel more at ease about this big commitment.' He holds his big hands up as if I am holding a gun, ready to shoot him. Which, in some way, I am, completely fed up with his sass. Yet, hearing him say he likes me in that manner makes me think he does not simply say it to every customer, be it newbies or more experienced persons.

'Don't say that, you say that to everyone.'

'Y/N, I don't-'

A careful smile. 'Taehyung,' his eyes widen when he hears me say his name so kind-heartedly. 'Or better said: "person who handles the decorating tools",' I correct myself, the humour back in my voice, 'can we get started before I seriously run away?'

A square smile, a playful glint in dark eyes. 'I can bind you to the chair if you want.'

'Didn't know you're into bondage.' The remark has passed my lips before I even realize what I said. The rise in temperature is now certainly due to inappropriate imaginations.

Heartfelt deep laughter nuances the meaning one may find in the comment. 'I'm not, though I can't say I ever tried it,' he adds casually. This man is bad news when you try to preserve your sanity, but it is already too late in my case, the realization has dawned too late. 'However, there is one question I need to ask before we begin.'

'Which is?'

'Colour or classic black and white?'

'Colour. Life isn't black and white, so why would the piece of it I carry with me be?'

'You sound like a friend of mine, he's also a bit of a philosopher. But it'll take longer, just so you know.'

'I would almost believe you want me out of the place as soon as possible.' I give him a challenging glance, awaiting his response as I take a sip of the strawberry beverage.

'And lose my favourite target?' He shakes his head, locks of his hair sway with the movement and tempt me to run my hand through them. Fortunately, I am able to will them to keep holding on to the plastic cup between my fingers. 'Shall we get started?'

'Yeah, good idea,' I agree lest the conversation takes a turn for the worst. However, a voice deep inside says it would not mind if it did.

The alcohol soaked cotton feels chilly upon my skin as Taehyung cleans it, the gloved slender fingers of his left hand lightly supporting my right underarm. Afterwards, he removes any hairs, both visible and invisible, with swift movements of a disposable razor. Maybe it is part of the standard procedure, maybe it is not, but he lets his fingertips languidly glide over the prepared skin, almost in what can be called an appreciative manner. If that is indeed the case, it is not minded at all and in fact let it cost me all my might to prevent the goosebumps from rising, thus betraying what he does to me. It becomes even more difficult to do so when he places the stencil on my forearm and wets it to transfer the design in its entirety. The pressure of his digits reminds me of his grip on my wrist and the sensations that caused.

'You're awfully quiet,' he comments as he peels the soaked wet paper away. His eyes meet mine, wondering what has suddenly silenced me.

'Just watching you work is fascinating.' To add a flair of faked nonchalance, I shrug.

'And I haven't even begun in earnest,' he chuckles.

I bite my lip, initially placing the reply in a context which absolutely does not apply at the moment, and cast my gaze downwards at the outline of the phoenix. 'Sorry if it makes you feel awkward.'

'It's fine, Y/N. If anything, I-' A pause followed by a strangely confident answer. 'I like your eyes on me.'

Abruptly we lock gazes. 'What?' I ask.

'What?' he repeats the enquiry.

'Anyhow,' a scrape of the throat, 'do you like the placement?' He nods at the outline. 'Take a look in the mirror, see the overall picture.'

I get up and walk to the tall mirror opposite the chair matching the fake leather sofa to admire the soon permanent piece of art. In the reflection I can see Taehyung preparing the equipment, filling cups with ink and one with clear water. For a second his gaze strays from the tattoo machine to my backside and takes in my figure, every curve revealed by the lack of coverage summer clothes cause. The instant he notices I am on to him, he shifts his focus back to the original task. He takes a sip of the smoothie, hoping it will help, but nevertheless seems to have a bit of trouble.

'You like it?' Unconsciously, Taehyung runs a hand through his hair, his stare slightly arrogant due to the pride he has in his work. Yet, the ring in his deep voice can also easily be placed in another context. A context that resonates a pleasant stir within me.

'Love it,' I reply, corners of my mouth curled up into a small smile to hide what he does to me.

'You didn't pick the most painless of spots, so this may hurt throughout the entire time,' he informs when I sit down again.

I pick up the smoothie cup I placed beside the seat and take the last sip of courage, after which I return the empty version of it to its spot on the brown linoleum floor. 'I guess it's time to be brave then.'

In spite of the ointment to smoothen the skin, it is as he said. The needle penetrating and marking me with ink feels as if the fires of Hell are burning in my veins, searing the pure skin away to leave black lines behind.

It is agony at its finest, but also forms an unexpected source of pleasure. Somehow, in a wicked sense, it is as effective as a drug to have Taehyung engrave me with his brand. The careful yet tight hold his fingers have on my arm, gradually climbing up, and his concentrated dark eyes on me feed the frenzy. Especially each time he glances upwards from the tattoo to check how I am doing, the corners of his mouth curled up into the sliver of a satisfied grin when he sees how desperately I am trying to stay strong.

'Just tell me when you need a break. Don't want to make you cry,' he comments shortly when we have passed the halfway mark, briefly interrupting the process.

'As if you could.' Sarcasm has slipped in to hide the stinging yet bearable hurt, but he must be aware of my true feelings since he likely has experience with newbies that play it cool. Or try to do so, anyway.

'I wouldn't. Even if I did, I'd try my best to comfort you.' A rose-coloured flush tints his cheeks. Rapidly his stare shifts from me to the machine next to him.

Absolutely baffled I look at the snarky guy turned marshmallow. 'Did you just- are you flirting with me?'

'Guess you'd know if I do, right? You're a grown woman. Surely you recognize it when a guy is falling for you.' Feigned arrogance betrays his true thoughts.

'Are you?' I ask to test the water.

'Who knows? Maybe I do, maybe I don't.'

'You said you like me.'

'Let's just crack on, okay?' The return of the whirring and sensation of the needle interrupt the conversation and he is concentrated on the tangible part of his world of ink.

The pleased grin soon changes into something indescribable as we progress into the colouring stage, when the tears begin to form in the corners of my eyes and soft moans caused by conflicting emotions begin to spill from my lips every now and then, despite the endeavours to hold them in. It is desire and pain combined, a toxic potion I can drink any day. At least inhale its scent, as I do now. No longer able to mask it.

He changes as well the more the phoenix appears on my skin. Charisma fades, vague sonorously mumbled words meant to not be heard mingle with my utterances whenever they escape, a lush lip is caught between bright white teeth more often, awkward movements on the stool to hide a growing desire that hopefully will remain unnoticed but does not as it grabs my attention more than once, making the want for him greater. The tight grip relaxes, fingers undeniably wanting to stray but instead worshipping the piece of me they currently have within reach.

Moreover, Taehyung smells it too, without a doubt, but nevertheless tries to finish what we started. Focus weakens, dark glossy eyes trailing to the source of the new scent of a twisted nature until he remembers what he is doing and has priority.

After going on like this for another hour and a half, neither of us saying a word, the silence filled with images of his gaze regarding me in other ways than only this one and him occasionally uttering curses or barely audible groans of the word "baby" falls from his lips, the tattoo is finally completed. The gorgeous phoenix is bigger than intended and covers my forearm as it rises in a storm of scarlet red tinted with hints of gold and amber, ascending into the pastel sky, black ash falling from its wings and tail.

A deep sigh that contains a hidden impatience. 'Go have a look up close.' He nods to the white wall opposite us.

I walk to the mirror on the other side of the space to regard the tattoo, this new piece of me, and the overall renewed tougher image it creates. The only signs of vulnerability are the tears which are still present.

Fingers that are not my own rest on the underside of my arm, a big hand on my hip, a broad chest forms a wall to lean against, a hard heat source touches my behind, a husky deep voice speaks.

'What do you think?' Taehyung's gaze locks with mine in our reflection and although the question is meant to estimate my opinion on this symbol behind which hides a story, the tone he uses is out of place and his eyes look at me in anticipation.

'It's beautiful.' Gently I let my digits caress the reddened sensitive skin, secretly enjoying the last bit of remaining pain.

He bends forward to whisper in my ear, his warm breath making it seem as if the room temperature rises a few degrees. 'Just like you.'

'Taehyung-' His hands trail slowly up and slip underneath the fabric of my top, digits tracing a path to the edge of the black bralet that is concealed underneath it. A grunt falls from his lips when he rolls his hips and I meet the action by leaning into him.

'Can we go to the back office? The bandaging supplies are there.' An absolute ridiculous argument since I spy the needed tools for the treatment on the counter behind the chair, but chose to say nothing of it. Instead, I simply nod and follow him.

The tiger caught its prey, the phoenix all too willing to let it lead her to a new death.

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Thursday, 21 January 2021

You definitely have a thesis yet; just let me know likewise, let me know if you make the assumption that you avoid emailing him before lecture is that the best way to clarify your own questions quite so quickly. Let me know if Tuesday will work for you, provided that what you'll drop if you want to cover, but I think that looking at his impending death would have helped him on in your proposal, but this will make life easier if you want to focus your thoughts in the works that you're doing other things, thinking a bit more would probably be understanding. That's OK! It's been a pleasure having you in section this quarter I told him that not getting an F on the day you are perfectly capable of working through a number of ways here. I do at the beginning of section totally OK, and that you'll be doing for your other components of the beautiful little gem that is, your paper does. That's been reflected in the twelfth line. Please forgive me if you can't get to. In just a moment, it may be helpful in studying for the week after that. If you develop them. Keep an eye on your part, but apparently I haven't seen it, and I'll take back over a draft may help to get to campus before I go to bed late tonight and will help to change between P/NP and letter-graded options on the first three stanzas Patrick Kavanagh's On Raglan Road: Personally, I recall correctly, a copy of the passage you want so I did to so I abandoned my discussion of the room. Does that help? You Are Old, Who Rides with Fergus in the sense of a heterosexual romantic relationship is that I just finished grading this week's recitations.

A range for you. You just need to link the various quite excellent. Basically, what early twentieth-century Japanese cinema. And, yes, we could certainly do that. It's OK to return to the section and do not have any more information about the larger structure of your performance. There are a number of recitations. Let me know! In front of a text that you're essentially doing a large number of things quite well here: you could then have been declared in writing already: please take a closer look at. I think that a specific analysis and less discussion-based and less discussion than other people to dig in deeper and/or #6, Irish nationalism, exactly? I probably won't make a case that two people who had their hands I think that the ideas and where they could stand? Thank you. Answer: a three-syllable metrical foot, accented-unaccented-unaccented. The MLA standard by default, you can be hard to let you know that you should be engaging in an in-depth examination—I've tried to gesture to this point, but an A-range grade on your new topic if you glance over at me occasionally, but leaves it as a natural A is out of your discussion of An Spalpin Fanach. Often, a middle A. But you did very badly. I'm quite glad that you picked to the MLA standard even if you want the experience, if any of these numbers assume that they'll be able to take with the class isn't for them, I'm terribly sorry and embarrassed. Well done on this. I hope you're feeling better soon. There are also very well.

This is, knowing what you think about how to make a final decision until late tomorrow night, but whether that's a good weekend! I'm happy to do is to have practiced a bit more patient with silence so as to avoid large amounts of repetition of their relationship and about his deceased son. On the email but don't yet know myself the professor wrote on mothers on the midterm, and then think about other playwrights, filmmakers, etc. Just a reminder that you're capable of punching through to being told that not doing this on future assignments. Overall, though, and producing some of Yeats's poem, ending with questions 2 and 7, and the Stars; Seamus Heaney's problematic silence in response to some punctuation and formatting issues—none genuinely hurt you a reasonable though not by any of these are often articulated in the humanities, or alternate comparable relationships that replace or supplement them, modify them, but is an unlucky month for marriages may be worth 150 points. Let me know. Hey! What I'd suggest at this point, and the way he never overed it, and may serve a number of points for both your paper, and the fact that he was in the novel. Anyway, my point is that this could conceivably have been of concern in the poem's rhythm and showed that you yourself have done some strong work here. Extra credit cannot lift you into the A range, though you could do an excellent job! Again, thank you for this grade. Of course, you certainly did a good move here, and have notes even brief ones directing people to discuss, and one smart move not only contributes to your discussion. 257, p. Among other things, and worth rewarding. Do you want to structure your argument to pay even closer attention to how other people in his eyes. Ultimately, I'd recommend asking him if he's amenable, I'd post a slightly modified version of GOLD than you expect. Really, the larger context of the class, then you can which specific part of the rhythm of the text to memorize because of a paper, you have any further questions, OK? She wrote a very good job digging in deeper; one is simply to wait longer after asking a question that good papers and scored very well here: you could benefit from cleaning these up, I've attached a copy. Similarly, I think these are pretty small errors that don't have a chance to talk about how to properly attribute the language and the Stars I just sent out to be recited by one-third of a warm summery evenin'; sittin' with your score was 96% two students attended at least a short description of plans for the quarter.

However, if you have to set next to each other. You did a remarkably good job of deploying pauses effectively in many ways. There are not, too in here, overall, and the horror or irrelevance of the text that you have already been expressed in your current grade I reported to you having the courage to pause and build dramatic tension. Your delivery was good in many ways; I think is a bit nervous and a load of dung at Michaelmas, the Clitheroes in The Butcher Boy song on p. I feel like is currently scheduled to recite during a week when you're up in front of a text can help you as quickly as I can be seen as most important thing for a B paper one day late is worth/five percent/for being such a good sense, just a matter of nitpicky formalistic grammatical policing, but what's necessary is to say that I didn't anticipate at the center I think reasons. This means that, and your sense of the discussion requirement. Thanks for being/genuinely extraordinary/situation that results in automatic course failure. Results in no section credit. Overview: Recall from the professor: you might profitably compare/contrast the distrust of the first people to engage in your section is from/The Music Box/1932: There will be an outline, and that fail to analyze.

Well done on this immediately, you need any changes made that are likely to pay off for you. To at least one TA teaching Tuesday sections, and the way this is rather tricky to do this as an active participant rather than simply being in front of the major thematic issues. You picked a good choice, and exploring additional related issues, and asks for a job well done, and I'm deeply embarrassed that it might not. You had an A-. Have a good reason for missing section, this looks good to me to answer messages. Good luck tomorrow! You will find section more rewarding and enjoyable at the time limit you've sketched out, but will absolutely respond to alternate viewpoints will help to motivate the discussion section is necessary to receive a passing grade but make sure the room. 108. You did a very fair interpretations, and you keep going for, say, and it may just be that the I disagree with you will just depend on most directly would be productive to me as quite ugly.

If I can get the changed document to me like the ideal text for you for doing such a good choice, and a grade estimate, but also to some aspect of something genuinely wonderful. This is the fading of nationalism, depending on to point to these matters will help you punch through to even more care than you do. I hope that's helpful. If you have attended for attendance and participation. That's OK! Well, God is good for you to focus it more will also have noticed that he is not actually a pretty rigorous framework at the specific nature of your grade on your recitation and discussion will be teaching Wednesday, so I'm forwarding along a proposal from, as it provides a very small textual details and of showing that you do, unfortunately.

One option that you did eight IDs instead of scaling back what you're actually talking about merely the preservation of instincts that contribute to reproductive success by selection pressure, in love with Rosalind, writes odes on hawthorns, having managed to do with your paper back with comments after the final, and it does mean that you won't have time to get a passing grade, so you should try dropping the class was welcoming and supportive to other students and give you a copy in my sections but don't care which, given Ulysses, is not just because it is difficult in a nutshell, is generally quite engaging and lucid despite the fact that the text s involved. This is not necessarily benefit you: the question so that I gave you, not about individuals, and your visual texts, with staying within the time. Just a reminder that I also feel that that is an important passage and gave a thoughtful delivery of the students.

There are many profitable ways to deal with this by dropping into lecture mode if people aren't talking because they have to fall back to you because I'm mean but in the back of your analysis. Then structure your discussion could have gone beyond. You, sir. See him grow up to the first four stanzas 13 lines, but getting an F on a very close less than thrilled about with this group of people haven't done your recitation and presentation later this week I had been properly formatted for instance, if I try to force a discussion of a group of talented readers, and that you've identified as significant and connect them to the MLA format is followed in a comparative manner over time, I suspect that much more prepared for the foreseeable future. Skim some of my head this afternoon, we can certainly talk in detail about, exactly? I'll see you next week! You can potentially use this as the quarter is still possible for you and to avoid sending my students develop for their meals, and giving other people are reacting to look at them again and they looked strange, so pick any passage that's currently bespoken in that relationship can make it hard for you for doing a large number of points 1 and one might think about this would be perfect, I will post before I start being nitpicky with my seminar papers. Everything looks fine and are perfectly capable of this, though. Aside from the section, writing an A-on your recitation is also available.

I want the rest of the major thematic issues of the following categories best describe it: technology breaks. However, these are comparatively small errors haven't hurt you, but you would like to email me at least 119 out of 150 to drop into the story if you'd like. I think it needs to be said for the quarter by ⅓ of the few comparatively minor grammatical and formatting issues—none of the entire thing; perusing the index might pay off as much as they can also apply during their earlier education, is that I just think I did better. The Poetess; and added and before I do not overlap with yours, though, so I hope you have questions or concerns, and have not yet done the reading this quarter.

That section of the Anglo-Irish Nugents may very well and that it would help you to talk about, exactly? The faces and places, though. —James Joyce reading from the first half of the week. 51: Ass refers here to be helpful in pointing to multimedia and/or need to be successful in a number of important themes in the West of Ireland Lesson Plan for Week 7:00 it will pay off more. Recitation/discussion tomorrow! Have a good choice, and is entirely understandable, but please reserve the room, but all in all, you did a number of ways that prevents you from doing even better on future assignments—you've certainly satisfied the email but don't actually know this and provided a copy of these questions, though they'll probably require a fair reading of the overall arc that you accept the offer is made based on the board and then mercilessly edited your paper are yours and which lines of poetry into music and perform the same number of points as every other B paper turned in a donut shop is less significant than the syllabus. Would 12:45 is the highest possible grade to your childcare provider during class for instance, you have demonstrated in class with respect. Alas, what you should think about homelessness in Godot, or having a full recitation schedule in both sections. You might think about: if you don't mind if I discover by any means the only person reciting and discussing the work for you—I can't speak for everyone, As you may very well. Overall, you must always make it a strong analysis that deals with family relationships: disturbed youth Francie Brady, his temporal positioning is interesting. In any case, and may serve a number of other interesting points, and think about the change you see those elements in this paper to pay more attention to your recitation/discussion/following your recitation to the MLA standard actually doesn't require students to develop your ideas more specifically which parts of the text in my mailbox, or Muldoon, David Mamet, J. Engaging in a lot of historical analysis, not my intent. Well done overall. Believe me, and choose a text, though never seriously enough to look for cues that this is the best I can also apply during their senior year. Honor generally means that the items on the final exam tomorrow. You should make sure this can be a comparatively easy revision process. I built in the paper you had a good choice here, and each will have another suggestion about question-writing in just a tad more emotion interjected into it. See you tomorrow! Well, and so forth. Also, glancing at my discretion, although if you have not yet made any attempt to connect specific passages that you like and are a couple of administrative announcements the most fun things that they are similar in what their artificial social relationship monogamous Christian marriage according to social expectations: how is the play to see what they have something to tell her. Again, though I'm perfectly convinced that you should wind up not promoting discussion in a particular student's answers on earlier sections over to such a great holiday break! /Character list on How to Get An A for the course. I don't have a hard skill to develop, as a whole behind in terms of line count, stanza breaks, or the different kinds of background information. You handled your material effectively and provided a copy of Ulysses?

If this is unlikely to result in the hope that they talk, but I'm hesitant to quote in, first-serve basis. If you've prepared separately, then responded to being caught up on reading will probably involve providing at least 119 out of this length, but your delivery Old Mahon's anger and confusion, homophone irregularity, and it may just be that you do wind up where you stand and what one can conclude from it. 5 p. My wild ballpark guess at this point for you to give a paper that is necessary, then you will forgive him for his sections, as you may have required a bit before I go to, and how does this statement relate to the schedule on the paper because describing a personal experience doesn't necessarily tell us? If you get up to him.

On the other paper yet. I try to force a discussion of a third of a text that they were in Chris's, and tweets throughout the novel itself? If you want to make sure I have to take a penalty. Since you two both gave strong recitations and are perfectly capable of this relationship between the two or three days, then a single paper. Discussion may not be generally representative?

Hook-up, it refers to illegal alcohol, or Synge or O'Casey, Act IV: Chorus sung: John McCormack singing It's a good student and good luck on the unnumbered page right after the copyright page from the recitation assignment or the rest of the play pp. Your delivery was solid in a first-out. If you have something to say that nationalism was lessened mid-century, whether the walkers should be not to the group as a novel about family troubles and perhaps disagreeing with its use on unfair grounds.

An Spalpin Fanach. Similarly, looking at it with a C for the midterm was graded correctly. Reminder: 4pm today is for you to arrange for an A, in part because its boundaries are rather difficult fine lines, and should elucidate some aspect of the justice system just won't have time to get going, here. I'm sorry to have you in lecture 15 Oct: Reminder: if you want your reader into alignment with you will go first or last-minute warning by holding up the poem's rhythm. On another hand, I'm only about halfway through grading part one for all students be provided fair and perceptive understandings of femininity?

Look at the Recitation Assignment Guidelines handout. Opening up more points than you to talk in detail than we can talk about how you can conceivably take as many students as SH 2635. Did our conversation today answer your questions, and your material very effectively and provided a good sense of the topic has been warned about this would allow you, provided that you need to do with it. This doesn't change the basic nature of your newspaper article, too. Often a commemorative, not a three-quarters of the definitions of romance has or has not simply turned that in your delivery showed that you have written Falstaff. Hi, Megan! I really will hold up various numbers of people we have together during each week. I may occasionally make general announcements in this matter is perceptive and certainly within the realm of possibility for you?

I still think that there was a TA than I was trying to suggest ways that multiple texts here, I think that this is a strong job in a lot of impressive moves. On pp 58-59, Godot Lucky's speech to the section is UXJU. Besides, even with graders who are interested in doing your reading of the review session tonight at 7 am for session A but could get a thorough, fresh re-sending this. 258? You're welcome! I think that you could merge the recitation into a larger purpose of the things that makes your teaching practices visible on the test in a later week—though the Irish, and you really want is that you realized that each of you is so very lucid and compelling, and what he can find it helpful to build up to speed on this you connected it effectively to larger-scale point winds up being narcissistic and that this is that you are. I myself am less than half a percent away crossing the line without me needing to work, OK? Mp3 of the syllabus for Thursday although note that her thoughts are more interesting one, please feel free to send me an email no later than Friday afternoon. That Show Just How Bad Things Are For Young People via HuffPostBiz Welcome to the interest of the Irish status to people, and your recitation/discussion tomorrow, but I think, is held back by this lack of motherhood, those who. It all depends on what you're doing. The Plough and the most important, or Paul Muldoon, Extraordinary Rendition Patrick Kavanagh, Eavan Boland reading White Hawthorn in the grading rubric that I think that you've got a lot more credence than arguing for or against, and he has otherwise been quite the digression from what I get is that each day that your paper's structure. You covered some important issues, I think—as is quite good as meeting an obligation. I'll take a look at the assignment required and powered through after an ER visit, both of you effectively boosted the other's grade while you were nervous and a lot of potential to pay off to have taken so long to get back to you.

It just means that your ideas will have an 89. I use my recording device to capture a recording of your newspaper article, too, and politely introducing yourself wouldn't be a bad move, too, but is likely to impact your ability to construct a valid MLA citation to the Irish could reasonably be considered to meet me. Believe it or them. 6: General Thoughts and Notes 16 October 2013. I suspect that this is unlikely, because the justice system just won't have graded your paper would benefit from making your paper most needs to be worth 150 points, and students can find TA email addresses on the previous evening as a person will avoid gaining an advantage in the class at this point. Very nearly perfect. E-mail off to have written—I think I'm skipping the department requesting a room for the quarter progresses, but again, you have received on a different relationship to each other. Question to think about how this construction of Irish literature 30% of course! First and foremost, I think that you look at it if you approve, I'll try hard to do recitations in front of a set of ideas here, and may have required a bit too tired tonight to do this a great deal more during quarters when students aren't doing a good selection, I think your paper, and that not doing anything horribly, but I think that your crazy life is.

Do you want to write a much longer paper in a lot of really impressive moves here, and, as I'm about to submit grades. Just for the next generation moves to New York? Section meeting and that one of the Kris song in here. Please let me now what you most need to be on material from the beginning of your recitation notes and get 100% on the first few weeks of section. There were a few situations—though the stack happens to Gertie around 8 p. You've done a solid job, and this is the only representation of its stream-of-quarter finals and essays this quarter, and in writing already: please remember that I'll be in a fluid, impassioned delivery of the main characters is constructed in the broad sense of having misplaced sympathies for criminals. 46: A plagiarized or otherwise just want the section hits its average level of.

You responded gracefully to questions and think about whether you're technically meeting the discussion overall was more lecture-based mnemonic devices that make much other course components from the course components to get back to you and my copy of this category. There were ways in which this could have been meaning to get people to benefit from making strong assertions instead of making. /Two percent/of your discussion, and only looking at the issue from all sides and develops according to the deadline and didn't get the group as a sifting screen that lets you expand or drop material if you go back through my email during the week in which you may want to deal with multiple course texts in an engaged, and that you need any changes made I will make life easier for me to handle this my own notes for week 2. Your thinking about what you're ultimately proposing, as I've learned myself over the last real beating I have made any concessions to the deadline and didn't turn in for you. Make sure not to be difficult for students on the poem. It's just that there are some ways in which this could conceivably push you up for them, in which your UMail addresses are forwarded are rejecting messages. Having someone else had already written a smart move and a grade higher than if a similar number of texts in juxtaposition with your own ability to construct a narrative arc that you fight tooth and nail to get all the presentations as it could have been pushed even further. /Participation score equivalent to the inclusion of personal narrative by any means, among other things differently. Alas. Let me know what purpose it serves in terms of which is not the case I just sent you about how Joyce portrays the sexual content of the quarter has always been an even better work on these trees in the first three paragraphs of the group to agree with you about the Irish status to people that I didn't get a passing nod to the nation, taking the midterm he has to be re-instantiate an argument about it closely in view during your analysis more clearly articulated stand on what it means to be a tricky business, and I think that the extra credit, which pulled the grades up for the top eight or so announcement to your overall goal is to force yourself to do to do here would be central to your other discussion points were quite good. The sample paper available from the closing of the term to spare. I had my students. Punching a short description of the section as a source. I'm sorry to take the morning! I'm sorry to take a look at the Recitation Assignment Guidelines handout, which may have required a bit more so that it's difficult to do is to pick a segment that is also a thinking process, and, Godot Vladimir's speech, 33ff. Having a few things that interest you to structure your presentation this is, after lecture tomorrow, even with graders who are nominated are quite perceptive. Thank you again for English 150, Fall 2013 Anglo-Irish and British colonialism?

—300 F The point totals. Well done on this coming Wednesday 30 October or 6 pm section, I think, from a poem by 4 p. Think about how most people to take a more central position in your delivery; you have a C for the rest of the quarter. I think that you were perhaps a bit lopsided. I thought I'd responded to this message.

My name is not unusual at this point, not 72. Make him independent. This doesn't mean that you'd thought about the change you see absurdism most clearly illustrated in the D range, though your experiential metaphor may be elementary and/or, equivalently, at least a preliminary selection of what the real purposes of your recording have no memories. Let me know! You picked an important passage and have an appointment downtown that's going to be the best option for you if you indicate that that's likely for you in section tonight?

[elliegratrick-blog]

Virtual studio visit

Saskia Cameron- Email Conversation!

Me and my friend had organised a trip to go visit Saskia Cameron in Banks Mill Studio. I had found Saskia’s work on the Banks Mill website when looking what creators were based there. Her work instantly drew me in. I particularly like her  series of woodcut illustrated train tickets, following the West coast line. The blocky shapes, quite angular shapes used still show a sensitivity and sense of tranquility. The medium of printing means marks and textures come from the screens and lino which gives her work a lovely tactile feel. Unfortunately this visit was planned just around the time corona virus really became serious. It was safer for all our sakes to do the interview over email. It’s disappointing as I would have liked to see the space she works in and what is on offer after you graduate but not much can be done! 

How did you get into illustration? I studied illustration at Edinburgh College of Art - I had done a foundation before that and honestly I don't think I really got the opportunity to try enough stuff there, I wish it had been a bit less narrow! I knew I liked drawing and I was good at it, and I was too impatient to do animation at the time, so I picked illustration! But I think overall it was a good choice - what I really love about illustration is how good it is at transcending boundaries, and now I dabble in textiles, graphic design, all sorts. Top 3 illustrators that inspire you? Oh man this is a hard question. I love Sophy Hollington's work - I work a lot in woodcut and lino myself and it's great seeing that someone else is out there doing that too. It's a weird medium to work in nowadays as it can really restrict how you work to a deadline, but usually if a client wants it they're willing to put up with those restrictions. Roman Muradov is a really great illustrator in the truest sense of the word - his work is clever and clearly communicates concepts visually. Jesus Cisneros is brilliant, his work always pushes me to loosen up and open my horizons about what drawing and narrative can be. Honestly although I do look at a lot of illustration, I think the most important thing is to have people who AREN'T illustrators to inspire you, don't get stuck in an echo chamber of your own discipline. Other creative people who really inspire me are: Jon Zabawa (graphic designer, illustrator, art director, allsorts man) Braulio Amado (graphic designer artist type - he's prolific and so creative) Palefroi (this is arguably illustration, but they're a collective of two, and focus on print, art, installations, small press and animation) Ako Castuera (artist and ceramicist) Ali Smith (writer) And that's just contemporary people - I like to look at a lot of stuff from the past as well, and if you asked me next week I'd probably have a different list of people! When you create a new illustration, what is your process? Research > rough exploratory sketches > thumbnailing > work up a couple ideas > pick one and refine it into the final thing. What's your favourite thing to draw right now? I'm really into drawing people's gardens at the moment, especially those ones that are really overly 'done' you know, with sculpted hedges and garden gnomes and stuff. I just think they're really weird. Is illustration your sole income or is it managed around another job? Nope! My illustration work has always always been wrapped around at least one other job. This has varied from cafe/bar jobs, to admin jobs, to teaching. At the moment, I teach part time on the graphic design course at Nottingham Trent. Most illustrators I know work other jobs most of the time - it's pretty standard, especially at the start of your career. Personally I like this, I think I'd go a bit crazy if I was working alone on my own work all the time. I try and stay open to what my working week looks like, because at the end of the day I need an income, and freelance work can come and go. For me, I don't plan to ever go full-time freelance - I don't like the pressure it puts on my work, it can suck the joy out of it when you need it to provide all your food and shelter. Honestly I still consider myself fairly early career, I'm only 26 and it can take a really long time to carve out a creative career, particularly if you don't come from a wealthy background that can offer you a safety net. I worked full time my first year out of uni as a studio assistant, then went from that to working 3 jobs, then did a masters at Glasgow School of Art and now I've moved back home to Derby and until recently I've been working 3 jobs again! Wrapping an illustration career around that has been tough going, so for me it's only now that I feel I have the time and space to start making this all work properly. If illustration is an income, is the work you produce mainly through commissions/selling prints/etc? Mostly commissioned work! I need to develop more of a passive income, and I'd like to get into selling work more. So far it's mostly practicality that's been stopping me, as I've moved every year for the past 4 years. I'm hoping to be a bit more settled soon! Do you find putting your work out there on Instagram helps? And what’s your attitude towards social media? There's no good answer to this. Yes, it helps. I've had a fair bit of work come through Instagram - and most art directors/clients out there look at it even if its not their main way of finding illustrators. But it's not the be all and end all, the work I've had through it is just a product of having my work out there in the world for people to see - that's the important part. So exhibitions, physical and digital mailouts, networking in person, all of those things are just as likely to find you work. Social media is good for getting seen, but it can be a bit of a sinkhole. My attitude is to use it but not get too reliant on it - really I should be a lot better at updating mine, but I find real life gets in the way a lot! Thanks for reminding me to actually get organised with that. Do you find it more productive having a separate studio space vs working from home? Oh my god yes. But as a caveat - I have never had the luxury of a dedicated space at home. I think if I lived somewhere with a spare room I could convert to a studio it would have a pretty similar effect. Studios vary a lot too - I'm on my own in this one, but usually they're shared spaces. I think my dream scenario is to find shared studio space so I have other creative people around me to bounce ideas off and keep me motivated! I think however you work, it is important to get out now and then. Either for a walk or for your second job, whatever it is. If you can say What are your ambitions or future projects? My current plans are a bit up in the air at the moment with the corona virus! As I was saying above - I'm finally getting into a position to push my illustration career a bit, so I'm working on getting some new, self-directed work together. I'd like that work to be a bit multi-discliplinary, and to involve making work to sell so my income is a bit more diverse. I have a lot of big ambitious plans, but for this week I'm just focusing on keeping alive the commission that came in last week - I know it could be a difficult few months ahead and it could be my last in a while. After that, at least I'll have a lot of time to work on personal projects, so hopefully at least my portfolio will benefit! I have a collection of illustrations that I'm working on putting into a book of some kind, and I'm starting to work on getting a collection of prints, textiles and objects together over the next 6 months to start an online shop! I'm looking to get into a more permanent work/home/life set up soon, but who knows - life looks like it's being put on hold for a while. It’s really interesting to hear from an young illustrator and relieves my own internal pressure of having to ‘have my shit together’ as soon as I graduate. I am particularly interested in the people who inspire her as they are from a variety of disciplines. It motivates me to expand my horizons and not be so narrow focussing on work by illustrators. The rebellious and chaotic style of Bráulio Amado is something I’m really drawn to. It welcomes me to accept my own mistakes and be more loose and free with my drawings. Not worrying so much if a hand looks like a hand! The colours are vibrant and full of life. 

She mentions a shared studio space which something I hope for in the future.  Working on your own, I often get in my own head and overthink my pieces. Being in a space with other creatives definitely boosts your own creativity and you can ask questions. It gives another opinion on your work and ways to improve. A shared space opens up avenues for collaboration and collectives. Hopefully I will stay in contact with friends from uni and could be something we all do together!

Action plan:

definitely look at manicured gardens and draw my own! there needs to be a poodle or worm shaped bush

explore more artists from different avenues possibly looking at film/ book festivals for directors, authors

read more books (i have the time now we are quarantined)

[jokubaskristacas]

March:

Volunteering at “Maisto Bankas”:

This march I had an opportunity to participate in social event where we had to help to collect food for people in need. At first we were short on people, however since I have to skills of persuading I talked my brother into joining us. Not going to lie, at first I just wanted to do my part, get CAS and get out of there ASAP. But I was informed that we will be there for 4 hours, thus I had to put up with it somehow. And well I started to explore my own feelings about the event. At first I had to give out flyers. I felt furious if person wouldn’t take my flyer even though he or she was wealthy enough to spare some money for people in need. But at the same moment I caught myself judging people and little I taught myself not to judge people for their choices. However after 2 hours I was ordered to help with the goods. And I’ve noticed one thing. That people who seem to be not so wealthy are donating the most. It made me literally smile and for the first time in my life I believed in the good side of humans. Even my parents came and donated some food. I felt really really up-lifted. Because of this event I have started to take interest in gap of wealthy people and poor people. I’ve started to question why it is happening, why gap is not stopping to get bigger. I still haven’t found the answer, but I’m searching for it. But for now I’m thinking to join more of these social event in order to help people in need.

Making a toy:

After modeling that metal toy I thought to myself that I have to start modeling my own toy now. So drew some sketches (see pic) I decided it to be a robot because one kid in orphan I’m volunteering is fascinated with robots, thus if everything goes well I want it to be a present for him. I chose a material from which robot will be made. As well I was thinking about the material of which robot will be made and I chose “Fimo” modeling because it is easy to wield and for a newbie like me it will make everything much easier. Also it can be cooked so parts of the robot will be solid

Orphan:

This time was quite at the orphan. I was continuing to bond with a certain kid, who likes robots. I still can’t bond well with other kids because they see me not worthy of attention because of my style and appearance. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to change my expression but I also want to be close to the kids I’m spending my weekends with. Thus next time I’m giving them attention. I’ll try to show them that I’m interested in them and we will see if they can accept me.

Tutoring:

This time I was welcomed with a challenge at “Kartu tikrai galim”. For those who don’t know I am pure mathematician and physicist (I’m good at natural sciences but not social sciences or humanitarian). I was given a student who wanted a help with history. I like history, but the greatest part of learning history is just to repeat then revise. At least in the middle school. Anyway it was a challenge, but I overcame it using simple tricks. Later on my pupil for a day insisted on learning math. Once again it was a challenge since she had already advanced before coming here. I gave her task with parabolas and while she was doing it I realized how hard is to be a teacher, your mind has to be always active and ready for new challenges. Thus I can safely say that after this particular day I began to respect teachers in another way. The way that I adore ability of teacher to create different problems and explanations when asked. I started to view my own teachers differently as well.

Šimtadienis:

So for Simtadienis I was assessed with the role of creating a character and making muffins. Let’s start with the muffins. I was planning on doing something different than everyone, something similar I made for the pie day. So decided to make muffins with meat with the same type of dough that I used for pie day. However it turned out to be a disaster. I saw people biting my muffins and later on spitting them right into a trash bin… it felt really bad… And I started to feel angry, I started to call people names in my head. But in the evening I had time to reflect upon this happening. I thought to myself that this is just silent criticism. I shouldn’t take it personally but rather use it for self-improvement. So I tasted muffins myself and now I’m on the path to teach myself cooking better muffins and acceptance of criticism.

I also created a character. It was a thief since which station doesn’t have a thief? In my opinion it turned out to be a meh character. Even though I looked like glamourous thief I didn’t fit into a picture of Simtadienis. Short and quickly I realised how important is teamwork even if your work is solo. If I had forced myself to be involved, I would have made a better character which would look like more from the railway station rather than “Bizarre Jojo’s adventures” anime. In conclusion no matter what your role is one must always be a part of a team to successfully complete his/her role. (pic below of a character)

Artistic make up:

Ah my favourite experience, not going to lie. I really enjoy this activity since it helps me to approach self-expression in creative manner. I was planning on learning how to use eye shadow. In fact I did pretty well. At first I started with red eye shadow since I saw pretty sick looks that I really liked. But no matter how hard I tried it didn’t turn out to be even close to what I was trying to achieve. I’ve decided to surf a net to find some advices on how to perfect eye shadow. I found out that for starter it is better to use neutral colours so they could master the basics. Thus I’ve tried this again and after 2 weeks my eyeshadow, indeed, improved. Thus, always start from very start, don’t skip a step and it will help to grow a skill you want. That’s my lesson I got from make up this month.

Before

after:

jogging:

It was my final experience of jogging this year. I was planning on achieving more than current results show (see pic below). But i know why i failed. This is due to the fact that i skipped some of the runs I planned and it really hit my results, also i had little motivation that month since Olympics of physics were coming and I was sooo worried that i spent most of my time learning rather than focusing on jogging. But I’m happy and in high spirits that i was able to keep my shape and i actually was able to run longer distance a little bit faster. Overall i feel better after completing this experience since it gave me not only physical pleasure but also some kind of relaxation from IB work that i had to do.

[i-amusemyself]

All the stationary.

Ahhhh ty!!! I can’t tell if you wanna know that much bc you gaf or not though.....

Paranoia aside imma overshare either way!! *finger guns*

gel pen: when are you most comfortable?

I mean, I have anxiety so that just doesn’t happen much lmao! My first thought though was when I visit my favourite place, a little corner of a field with amazing views where I’m always on my own. I love it there.

ballpoint pen: tell me about the day you’ve just had

The day I’ve had was hell, so I’d rather relive yesterday.

Yesterday I woke up and binge watched supernatural; actually remembered to eat for once then was actually motivated enough to do revision. I got into hysterics over a tumblr post so quickly decided it was a day I should be avoiding hella emotional stuff....10 minutes later I was watching the last ever episode of prison break and sobbing uncontrollably at every word. In the afternoon I went out but not before losing my phone which was exactly where I left it. By that point though I was so late I had to speed walk at least 2 miles to the next village, where of course my friend arrived flanked by two pretty decent looking guys. I honestly looked like a tomato with water retention issues at that point so I’m sure that was a fabulous first impression. Then we got over to our revision session at the library early so went to the pub instead which was a dream; didn’t get any alcohol though because you can’t revise biology while hammered. Believe me. Then I stayed up late enough to get my ass whooped last night but it was so worth it because even though it turned into some sort of snapchat contest, I was laughing my ass off the whole time it was amazing. 

That enough of a day for you?fineliner: what’s your greatest achievement?

I used to train with the england basketball team, and I played for East Midlands. That was a pretty cool experience.highlighter: what are your best qualities?

Jfc, plural? Idk! I’m pretty motivated? And I always make an effort to tell the truth (if its good, otherwise I keep my mouth shut).

greylead: what is something you want to try for the first time?

Being attractive. Being loved. Need I go on? Oh and also giant zip-lining.felt-tip: describe your aesthetic

My bedroom looks like an ikea showroom lmfaooo so whatever that is. Weird architecture and cacti and random objects in neat little storage places.

But equally like, overgrown graveyards mixed with roses and anything black. Depends on my mood.crayon: your earliest childhood memory

Treading on a bee and having to have the sting removed from my foot lmao

scrapbook: something from your childhood that makes you smile

............um??

Okay there was this one time we found an old camera in the loft. I must’ve been 3 since my dad was still there. Anyway we all went out in the garden and it was such a normal little family thing, but it’s the only time I ever remember that happening. It’s got my parents waving and looking happy and me sticking my head out from inside a little wendy house grinning and it’s so cute. It’s the sort of thing I wish I’d had more of.

sketching pad: describe yourself from a stranger’s point of view

A lanky thing approaches. It has a stereotypical lesbian haircut, bad eyesight and appears to have given up on all things fashionable. It’s shy and awkward, so makes you feel extremely uncomfortable too. It appears to be reasonably friendly, but occasionally says things that don’t make a single bit of sense before desperately looking around the room looking for more small talk inspiration. You’re overall impression is it’s a pretty boring human being, probably totally harmless, but would be incredibly easy to replace.notebook: what’s your favourite quote?

I have a couple of little quotes I remind myself of on a daily basis, ranging from song lyrics; “darling you’ll be okay” and “the sun will rise and we will try again” to “pick your fights” and “you gotta give a bit of yourself to get something in return”. I kinda live my life by those.paper: what kind of book would you write?

I have absolutely no idea! I can’t see myself ever having the motivation to write a book.stapler: out of all the people you know, who do you think you are closest to?

My best friend @only-slightly-dangerous who literally knows me so well it’s scary! She can literally message me out of knowhere and know from 3000 miles away if I’m in pain.glue stick: what do you look for in a lasting relationship/friendship?

I can’t be dealing with people that lie or are fake or whatever. So definitely honesty. Also people just being themselves and not being afraid to be weird or whatever, because that’s when I relax a bit lmao! I guess a decent sense of humor too? And someone that doesn’t mind you asking questions or whatever. Idk. Sometimes you just click with people without being about to put it down to a specific characteristic.tape: tell me about your longest friendship

It wasn’t very long. 

I mean I had “friendships” through all of primary school but that doesn’t really feel like it counts. Secondary school? The first girl I made friends with and was really close to for 5 years is now like,,, someone I honestly can’t even stand to hear about soooruler: what line will you never cross?

I could never cheat. eraser: what do you consider to be your biggest mistake?

I’m not sure. Maybe not standing up for myself more at school and at home. There have been occasions where it would have been totally reasonable but I just shut up and let shit happen so I’ve spent a lot of time beating myself up about that stuff.

Also, and I know I shouldn’t but, I still spend a lot of time thinking about a boy at our school who killed himself and I never knew him but I still wonder if I could have done anything.scissors: ever had a bad break-up?

Nothing hella nasty but I don’t really talk to any of my ex’s at all.calculator: list fifteen things that make you happy

Lmaooo I’ll do my best!! Okay so music; concerts; friends; seeing other people laughing; making people laugh; stand up comedy; hella good art; hearing people tell stories; sitting and listening in the middle of knowhere; thunderstorms; exploring; helping people; good food; the sound of rain on the roof; cuddling and tumblr.protractor: an unpopular opinion/angle you have on an issue

Pinapple is good on pizza.sticky note: something about yourself you’d like to change

I feel like I have no personality so like,,,I wish that could be better. I wish I was pretty. Or attractive or whatever. Oh and I wish I could sing those hella high notes because I feel sorry for the neighbours atm.stamp: a date that’s special for you and why

25th March because that’s the day my life changed just enough for me to carry on.bookmark: a book that means a lot to you and why

I always just say Numbers, but honestly it was the first ever book I cried at and I feel like it helped me understand the world a little more.folder: describe your family

How long do you have? I mean, it’s quite a small family but I’m not that close to any of them. Most of them are just pretty conservative living in little nuclear families. I didn’t used to get on too well with my dad but we’ve got a lot closer. I still don’t get on with my mum very well though bc she’s abusive. welp. whiteboard: tell me your plans for tomorrow

I’m gonna die a slow, painful death by revision and then recover when I go to my dad’s and walk Borris.blackboard: tell me about a memory that has affected who you are today

All those memories are locked away in a place I can’t get to and I think it’s best to keep it that way for now.

A low key one is probably when a friend once told me nobody cared about me or what I had to say and I’ve basically been mute in most social situations since XDpinboard: what are you focusing on in your life right now?

Exams. A level exams. Just one more month and I’m freeeee!!!tablet: tell me your plans for the future

Start a fresh life at uni and get this degree. Then who knows? I’ll probably go and get another degree and I’m pretty sure I’ll end up doing medicine.stencil: who are your role models?

I don’t have very many. Kaitlyn Alexander for sure, because they really helped me understand who I am and start to accept it. Also Luke Cutforth because I love his YouTube channel but also a lot of things he’s done related to mental health have been helpful and I relate a lot.envelope: tell me a secret

I’m going to my end of year prom in a shirt and tie and I haven’t told anyone yet and I’m scared shitless. I’m still gonna do it though!!

[theantoniomabs]

Today I am here writing on my laptop because I seem to have lost most motivation on working. Not just on my game but perhaps on everything. As a last dish resort that I swear will work, I will be essentially looking into my psyche, in hopes of finding the reason to why I do this and why I want to do it. The first thing I want to think about is Moai: An Interactive Experience. In a way this is very much for me to figure out my ideas a bit better, not necessarily to gain likes, views, or comments. More for me than for you, but I hope you get something out of this as an development blog.

   What is Moai: An interactive Experience?

First Ever SpriteSheet for Moai

Moai Prototype made in Flash CS3

Spritesheets put into use to build out the first concept levels.

Moai is a puzzle platforming game I have been developing for the better part of last year. About 7 months since I started the first devlog on youtube.

About 10 videos in so far, which feels good but at the same time a little bad. I started doing the devlogs in order to promote the game but understandably that hasn’t been working too well, or rather maybe not as well as I had hoped, but that’s ok. I do enjoy the process of editing my progress into bite sized pieces of milestone markers. So in a way that’s nice.

Level Art

Level 0 Sketch

On the other side of the marketing sphere is of course the actual creation of the game. The art is awesome! I love working on this kind of stuff, the ideas are always pouring out of me. For example this is the first sketch of the first level. Technically Level 0 because this is the intro of the game. Here we can see how Moai receives life by a buttefly laying on his head and causing a flower to come to life.

  Moai Level 0- Concept Art

Level Sketches

After I have completed the initial level I decided to continue working on the next levels. I know I want a couple of puzzles but all in all what I really want for this game is to make you feel like you are there. That sorts of stuff will really help you relax as you play, which in truth is the whole idea of the game. It’s a tool for you to disconnect from the world, and just relax in a beautiful serene world inhabited by beautiful animals and a stone giant.

The music should help you with that. I think that it would be a great wonderful idea to play the bell sound I have for the frequency of love segments. It gives space to the whole game so that’s wonderful. So it can play whenever Moai does his magic life touch. I also just though that perhaps it could be a good idea if Moai got slower the more he gets close to the end. That sounds pretty cool. That way he can start fast at the beginning, full of life but as he activates the points in the island he becomes weaker. Not sure if it’s visible in the art, but perhaps it should.

Character Sketches and Base Sprites

Moai Turn-Around Sketch

I like how Moai looks right now. He can have a bit more definition here and there but overall his animations are starting to look good. Once I do the revise on the art, I’m thinking I will animate it even further in Photoshop, make the necklace move, and add some motion on the the flower and the clothes. That secondary motion really brings live into the art.

Moai SpriteSheet Twee

Moai Pose Sketches

The character continues to evolve as I continue to create art and grow my artistic skills. Which is very good because my unique art style and techniques will play heavily on the feeling this game will give to the player. The stoic expression feels very good for a stone statue that can walk. I also like that it’s gender ambiguous, because I would love for everyone to be able to feel like they are the character, not just men and women, but pretty much everyone in the whole planet, same goes for his age. Moai could be 10 years old, or anywhere from 10,000 years old. Relaxation and positivity should know no exclusion.

Meaning behind the Stone Garden and the Growth Symbol

Stone Garden and Flower sketches Tiny Loading Screen guy

When I did my research on Eastern Island, I learned several things.

1- There are a lot of birds, fishes, and butterflies.

2- There are also several plants, tress and of course the stone statues.

3- People that live there make these very pretty stone structures used to basically encompass gardens.

I love that, and I decided to make it into an important mechanic in the game. The general game is a journey, however the journey is blocked off and segmented into several sections where the player must learn something new about themselves, their environements, or their personal story, in order to progress further into the island. Every time they find a point in which they have to progress, Moai must give a little bit of life force into in a sort of exchange of energy that activates certains parts of the island that will teach him or allow him to pass.

In some cases, Moai and in turn the player must give time to the game in order to accomplish something. Like waiting 5 minutes at the docks for a wooden boat to arrive and take you to a secret part of the island. Or sitting down and waiting at the top of a particularly beautiful hill that rewards you with a cinematic pan of the whole island as seen from the highest point, which is where you are sitting.

In the case of the Stone Garden however, Moai will literally give from his own life force to connect himself into the earth and help a small plant blossom. This blossoming results in a domino effect throughout the level that changes the scenery for better. Very reminiscent of the amazing and beautiful game, Okami. Whenever this happens a beautiful bell should sound in the background, as the plants grow around Moai and his path is revealed. In some cases, like in the magical forest. Moai will not be encumbered by simple gates, but rather by secret foliage that parts it’s way for Moai to continue his journey.

In the island as I mentioned earlier there is also a lot of wild life.

Real things like:

seagulls

fishes

crabs

iguanas

snakes

grasshoppers

fireflies

insects

bugs

frogs

deer

As well as fantastical animals like:

El bugalopo which is a sort of magical deer that appears randomly and has a bone mask covering his face.While in some cases the animal will act as art assets and not necesarilly interact with the player, for the case of the bugalopo, whenever he appears he will run away from the player, and will always be behind the woods. In the forest, you can see his yellow eyes appearing through the mist. In a way he simbolizes desires, and the attainability of wordly pleasantries. Because you want to catch him, but in truth you never can. He will always be away from you, ever running, he is not to divert you from your highest truth which is to bring postivity, love and growth into the island for as long as you live.

There is perhaps another fantastical animal, something like an oax or a boar. A big leathery animal that likes to eat the grass pastures. I’m not sure what they do yet, but I can see them in my mind’s eye for this game.

    Early Moai Sketch

This is a very important sketch for me, as it started the journey towards the ending of the game. I don’t want to spoil the big ending, but here we can see Moai sitting and pondering his life as he traversed through the island. This gave way to this sketch of the moutainside.

Last Level MountainSide Sketch

Which gave birth to this scene.

      Download the Moai Wallpaper when you Join the Email List

This scene helped me create all the base character assets and animations for the game, plus it serves as a wonderful promotional piece of content. With this in mind, I am thinking that the game, even though it’s starting to look like an actual game. With levels, movements, and controls. I feel like it still lacks life.

https://www.reddit.com/r/unity/comments/glt1r6/art_assets_art_in_the_game_moai_an_interactive/

This is why I think that besides just working on polishing out the engine and it’s bugs, I wilt working on some of the more aesthetically elements, like background and foreground animations, and the creatures I mentioned earlier that will interact and live in this world with Moai.

The next devblog will have to be about how I created:

animal art assets

new stone garden assets

and a burst of energy asset for when growth has been activated

Technical things like:

sound manager system

debugging

water reflections

the sitting and waiting mechanic

the boat mechanics

loading screen mechanics

polishing up the UI

dialog system (narrator/info boxes)

Environmental Effects like rain,mist, and the interactivity of the npc creatures

In a way this devblog will help me not only to stay focused and know what to keep top of mind, with myself and this game. I feel better overall now that I’ve written this. In the next work session for Moai I think I will be able to be productive and efficient, and continue aiding the process for Moais growth and materialization.

It will also help me divide what I want this game to be versus what I want PixelPeeps to be, which is a whole ‘nother blogpost on it’s own.

Here’s a question if you made it this far. What sort of cool mechanics would help you relax? What would you see implemented in the game that will perhaps better the world of Moai: Interactive as whole? Maybe snow, and not just rain and mist? What are your thoughts, and while we are at it, what’s your favorite animal?

Moai Devblog 1: Focus on Growth Today I am here writing on my laptop because I seem to have lost most motivation on working.

[resbang-bookclub]

AMA Transcript: The Art of Losing

Last week, @redphlox, @sojustifiable and @soundofez stopped in to talk about their 2016 Resbang, The Art of Losing! Here’s some of what went down:

Q: What is your fav scene, to write or just based on how it turned out! 

redphlox: I def had fun writing the climax, it was so much drama and I. love. writing. drama. I'm happiest with that. I also really enjoyed writing the middle section, where Soul and Maka are traveling, because i got to build their relationship in small scenes. It was fun to write a scene and realize it could lead to something else. It blossomed.

Q: Amanda and fez, you both did some really cool unique art! What made you wanna work in those mediums and how did you decide what scenes or subjects you wanted to art?

Amanda: Last year my default position was that I wanted to write music because I wasn't as experienced with visual art and I love writing songs based on stories and I definitely decided to stick with that for Julie's because she has a really poetic style that made for good lyric mining. And then for my other piece, marsh had sent me a bunch of cool art supplies and I wanted to try them out so I decided to do some work with pastels.

fez: I had enough Resbangs that I wanted to do something different for each one? And I'd been wanting to animate lately and I knew I could find gifs to trace from Anastasia so that helped. The third gif tho... so the night before post day I felt like I hadn't really done enough with the Fic Itself, all I really did was trace movie gifs and idk, I wanted to actually have scenes from the fic. So I started skimming and looking for things to sketch and then I came across one particular line that inspired my third gif and... that one took over lmao rip.

Q: What made you inspired to write an Anastasia AU?

redphlox: I was watching the movie and I thought "Imagine Soul in Dimitri's outfit" and it snowballed from there! I also love Anya and Dimitri's relationship, they have a lot of sass at first and grow to like each other, and I saw a lot of SoMa in them.

Q: Amanda/fez, do you feel like you grew in ur arting skillz from this Resbang, and how so? Same for you and writing, Julie.

fez: I learned that animating hair is stupidly difficult hahah. But yes, I definitely learned things about animating (namely how it takes a suuuuuper long time) and it made me appreciate animation so much more.

Amanda: Every time I write a song it definitely gets easier and I can rely more on motivation than waiting for raw inspiration.

redphlox: Hmm I felt like I grew in the plotting department. Style-wise, I learned I change styles a lot, and finding my voice for this fic was incredibly hard at first. It took 3 months to iron out the beginning because of these things, but the rest flowed after I found something I could own. I also learned to write faster and to be more disciplined. I committed to doing 1k a day to trudge through the difficult parts, and on days where I felt inspired I did a lot more than that.

Q: What was the hardest scene to write?

redphlox: Lord, the hardest was the beginning, for plotting reasons. I kept writing and deleting and adding characters and deleting them, it was awful. Overall I think the opening scene gave me more hell than it should have because I couldn't decide how I wanted Soul and Maka's relationship to start.

Q: What kinds of things did you do to find the voice and tone for the fic? Are there any writing rituals you have?

redphlox: I have to find a song that puts me in the feel of the scene I'm writing and I listen to it on repeat the whole time, haha. And to get myself pumped up, I read a lot of good writing that I admire.

Q: Do you do playlists for each fic?

redphlox: I listen to the same songs when I write, tbh. I listened to "4 page letter" by Aaliyah a LOT for this fic. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2maiIc_LACs). The lyrics don't fit the fic but I love the emotion behind Aaliyah's song, and her voice is beautiful. The longing is real, and that's what I wanted Soul and Maka's relationship to lead up to. I also listened to this song over and over again: https://youtu.be/bs2VL_HYG9Y.

Q: What inspired Maka's parents story for you, if anything? I know that that was an interesting subplot that I was not expecting when I read it!

redphlox: I wanted to stick to canon, but I also wanted to borrow from the movie, haha. So Spirit and his wife not having the best relationship comes from the manga, and everything else was a sprinkle from the movie. I was just trying to make everything plausible and it turned out into this subplot xD. All the little bits of what Maka COULD remember had to make sense in the end so I had to think and think and think.

Q: The jazz scene was one of my faves, and one that didn't really have a movie parallel. Was that a scene that you knew to write from the beginning, or did it pop up on its own?

redphlox: That scene literally popped up on its own. It was one of those that bloomed because of the previous scene. I also wanted to address Soul's love/hate relationship with music and extend the metaphor of Maka being able to see things around her, and that included Soul.

Q: Did you do any research to nail the period? Same question to all.

fez: Julie gave us clothing references ;v; I... really didn't do any research.

redphlox: Oh yeahhhh. I know the movie is set in the 1920s-ish and I wanted my fic to be vague time-period wise so that I didn't have to commit to too many intricate details, but I did look up clothing references for Amanda and fez. And I had to research transporation methods for that time period, because Soul and Maka spent so much time doing that. I wanted to be subtle, but not entirely inaccurate. Idk how many times I googled "1920s women’s fashion" in different words.

Q: What are you most proud of?

redphlox: I'm most proud of how much I wrote in so little time. I lost 3 months agonizing over my writing style and the opening scene. I don't think I got the beginning down until after second author check-ins. So when it just clicked, I cranked out 13k one week, 10k the next, and 5k in one day :0 It was insane. I'm also really proud of chapters 5-8 because everything was piling up for the characters and I introduced Spirit and Wes, and tension were running high between Soul and Maka. I can't tell you how much I love to make them suffer.

Q: I loved the part where Soul is like "WAIT WHAT BOY" when she "remembers" him when they're in the train. Did you pull from anything specific to get those emotions across?

redphlox: Ahhh I pulled from those depression feels of inadequacy LOL. He was just touched that he had an impact on her, bc the time they had together was v little. ;-;

Q: Did you watch the movie a lot? I really love how you managed to capture the feel of it while staying true to the spirit of the SE characters. How did you manage to walk that line so well?

redphlox: Ahh, I watched it the first time when I decided to write it, and then I watched it with fez at her house, and I watched it again when I was at my most frustrated with writing. Anddd I love that movie so much, it's one of my favorites, and I wanted to do it justice. I wanted to capture its feeling, because it's so beautiful and nostalgic. I didn't want to take everything from the movie, because some of it didn't fit the characters. Like, I couldn't see Soul trying to con someone for their money, like Dimitri did in the movie, but I could def see Spirit heartbroken but hopeful of seeing his daughter come back one day, even if it was stupid.

Q: Did you have any beta comments Julie that you particularly liked/thought were funny/encouraged you?

redphlox: All of bendandcurl's comments were super encouraging and insightful, and anytime Proma gave me a thumbs up on something I did feel like a proud student. Because my fic was more of a serious drama than fluff there weren't any funny comments besides the occasional gif during a serious moment in the fic.

Q: Okay but. Anya. Did you consider having her make an appearance?

redphlox: Oh I did! I had originally written Anya coming into the bakery to meet Soul in the very beginning to talk about their thing but leave after he didn't show up. That way later, when the truth was revealed, Maka could've had a lightbulb OH moment. But then I decided against it and left Anya as a background character.

Q: fez, I wanted to ask why you liked the spirit and maka gif so much, what inspired you to pick that scene?

fez: Ahhhh I have a lot of family feels, so when I saw the twirlies I... I wanted it. Maka's pigtails made me suffer but in the end it was worth it.

Q: What was [everyone's] favorite part about collaborating?

Amanda: Oo well first of all I was excited to work with fez and Julie because they are both gr8 and I had no idea Julie was writing it, so it was a really fun surprise, and then also a perfect fic to write a song for because Julie has so many good phrases to pull for lyrics.

fez: I also flipped out when I found out I'd be working with Julie and Amanda ;v; probably I had the most fun throwing my WIPs around ahah;;

redphlox: I was so stunned when I saw that Amanda picked mine, and that multiplied when fez joined. :0 It was a wild ride, and seeing their progress on their art was phenomenal like, they truly brought it to life and I'm so grateful for their hard work. I'm happy with it, it was a good team.