#next i need to buy the lapel pins i guess

[erving-goffman]

okay i found a jacket i like on etsy i'm gonna make the sully jacket (jacket full of lapel pins)

[expectingtofly]

Claire Novak's (Surprisingly) Not-So-Lame Day

2k

this fic is written for @dean-has-great-taste as part of @starrynightdeancas' gift exchange. thanks sophie for organizing this, it was a lot of fun <33 and i hope you enjoy this, gen!!

*****

How did Claire find herself joining Dean, Cas, and Jack for an excursion to the mall?

Well.

Cas had texted her yesterday, with an extreme amount of emojis and emoticons that took some time to decipher, asking if she wanted to go shopping with him, Dean, and Jack. Apparently Jack needed new clothes and they needed a gift for Eileen’s birthday coming up, and maybe they could go bowling or something afterwards.

And normally she would’ve said no way because hanging out with old guys was lame and she didn’t like little kids, but she needed an excuse to get out of Jody and Donna’s weekend plans of cleaning out the garage. Plus, Kaia needed to study for a test—she actually enjoyed school, the weirdo—and had requested no distractions.

So that’s how she found herself sitting in the back of the Impala next to a carseat, listening to one of Dean’s old cassette tapes (which wasn’t too bad, but she’d never admit it).

“What’s that?” Jack asked, stretching against his carseat straps to jab at one of the pins Claire wore on her leather jacket.

“It’s the lesbian flag,” she told him. Cas looked back at them from the front seat, smiling.

“This one?” Jack pointed to the rainbow pin on her pocket.

“It’s the pride flag.”

Jack considered that for a moment before announcing, “I want one. And this one.” He pointed to the mothman pin on her lapel, then the big-eyed, green alien. “And this one... and this one, and this one.” (Alex said she had more pins than leather on her jacket, but sue her, she liked making her clothing her own).

Jack, it seemed, also liked… unique clothing. The kid was wearing rain boots even though the sun was out and overalls with embroidered flowers. He dressed weird, there was no way around it. But so did Cas, so there was probably no hope for him, poor kid.

“Okay,” she decided. “I know where to get you some.”

Jack beamed and swung his legs. “Don’t kick the seat,” Dean told him, and Jack pouted at him.

Claire was surprised Dean even let a carseat in his precious Impala. Pulling out her phone, she asked, “Can we listen to my music?”

Dean started to respond with a “Hell no,” but Cas spoke up first, “Of course.”

Dean spluttered as Claire connected to the bluetooth connector Sam had finally convinced Dean to install. The old man didn’t realize it was the 21st century, apparently.

“I wanna listen to Gaga!” Jack said, leaning over to look at her phone.

At first she thought that was some baby talk, then she realized Jack was into pop music. Ugh. But it would annoy Dean, so...

Leaning in conspiratorially with Jack, she let him scroll through her phone and choose which song to play. When “Born This Way” started filtering through the car, Dean groaned.

“Really?” he asked, sending her a glare in the rearview mirror. Mission accomplished.

Jack clapped along and Cas turned the music up louder. “Great choice, Jack,” he said.

Dean, for all his grumbling, didn’t turn down the music, and Claire caught him glancing at Cas, who tapped his fingers on his thigh to the beat. Dean looked like he was fighting back a smile and Claire rolled her eyes. Dude was so whipped.

When they parked at the mall, Cas grabbed Jack’s hand before he could sprint across the parking lot. “You have to look both ways,” he reminded him gently, and Jack nodded.

“Claire’s gonna buy me pins,” he said, jumping onto the curb.

“Yup.” Claire pat her jacket pocket. “Good ol’ credit card fraud.”

“Woah, now,” Dean started to protest.

“You and Sam are the ones who taught me!” Claire reminded him.

“We’ll pay for them,” Cas said, opening the door to the mall. Jack skipped inside, his rain boots squeaking on the tiled floor.

“We’re doing what now?” Dean asked Cas, taking his hand. Gross.

“Come on, Jack,” Claire said, catching up to the toddler. “Let’s go get you some style.” Over her shoulder, she called, “Meet up with you guys later.”

“Have fun!” Cas called.

“Don’t get kidnapped,” Dean added.

As they distanced themselves from the old geezers, Jack grabbed her hand, and Claire startled a little. “Do you like dinosaurs?” he asked.

Someone passing by gave them a smile, and Claire realized people probably thought Jack was her younger brother. She let him hold her hand anyway. “Sure.”

“What’s your favorite? Mine is the bon-ta-sore-us.” He sounded out the word carefully.

“Don’t know. What’s the one with the spiky horns?”

“Ti-ce-a-tops?”

“Yeah, that sounds cool.”

“That’s my second favorite!” He started jumping from one colored tile to the next. “And the T-Rex. That’s Dee’s favorite. And Dad likes the steg-a-sore-us.” He peered up at her. “Did you know he got to see dinosaurs? Right in front of him!”

“You know what that means, right?” He shook his head. “He’s super old. He’s basically a dinosaur himself.”

Jack’s eyes widened. “He’s a dinosaur,” he repeated in a hushed whisper.

“Yup.” Spotting Hot Topical, she headed that way. “You should tell him that.”

Inside the store, Jack let go of her hand to grab a stuffed cat. “Claire! Like yours!”

Claire rolled her eyes. “Yeah.” So, she still had the Grumpy Cat Cas had bought her. She wasn’t cruel enough to throw it away when the guy was trying so hard to make up for walking around in her dead dad’s body. Plus, the stuffed animal was kinda cute. Not that she was going to tell anyone that.

“Here ya go,” she told Jack, finding a box of pins at the register. She brought the box down to his level and Jack ran over to look inside.

“I want a Doc McStuffins pin,” he said, plunging his hand into the box.

“I don’t know if they have those.”

As they rooted through the box of pins, she heard familiar voices and looked up to see Dean and Cas walking inside.

“What are you guys doing here?” she asked.

“I like this store,” Cas said and Dean rolled his eyes. Among the pleather and black, Cas’ dingy old trench coat—over a Winnie the Pooh sweatshirt instead of a suit—and Dean’s ratty flannel and boots only looked more ridiculous. She took it back—even Jack dressed better than them.

“You guys don’t have to be in here,” she told them.

“What, we’re too old?” Dean asked defensively.

“Yeah, actually.”

Cas poked at a toy and it squeaked. God, could they be any more embarrassing?

“Dad!” Jack called, holding out a rainbow pin. “Look, they have soo many.” Cas joined Jack in going through the pins and Claire asked Dean, giving his outfit a meaningful look,

“Was the Army Surplus store too trendy for you?”

“Did they kick you out of Sephora for buying up all the eyeliner?“ Dean shot back.

Touché. In a truce, she held out a pin with the bisexual flag. She wasn’t really sure what Dean identified as, if he even gave it any thought, but guessed it was close enough. “For you.”

Dean rolled his eyes but took it. “I’m not weighing down my jacket with this crap, though.”

“No, ‘course not, that would mean having any sort of style.”

“Can I help you with anything?” asked an employee with two nose rings and jewelry up and down their ears— so cool. Claire saw the way their eyes flicked between them, probably thinking they made a weird group, and she took a step back, trying to silently communicate that yes, she was shopping with them, but no, she was not as lame as them.

“Just looking,” Dean told them.

“I like your drawings,” Jack said and the employee looked down at their arms which were littered with tattoos.

“Thanks.”

“My dad has a drawing. It’s Enochian.”

The employee—Wren, by the name tag—looked at Cas with new respect in their eyes. “Language of the angels. Sick.”

Cas looked pleased. “Thank you. It’s come in handy more than once.”

The employee went back to looking confused and, starting to walk away, told them to call if they needed anything.

“Do you want anything?” Cas asked Claire, and Claire looked through the box. She grabbed a pentagram pin and, seeming to copy her, Jack grabbed another one, clutching several pins already in his fists.

“You like bees, right?” Claire asked Cas, spotting a “Save the Bees” pin. She held it up for him.

Cas’ eyes brightened. “That’s a wonderful message.” He glanced back at Dean and frowned. “Dean, they’re not going to bite.”

Claire looked over to see Dean shying away from a few emo teens. “Look like it,” Dean muttered, joining them. Jack lifted up his hands, asking to be hoisted up. Dean set him on his hip and Jack showed him the pins he’d selected. He held a dinosaur pin to Dean’s collar.

“Do you want one, Dee?”

“He’s too lame,” Claire piped up. Not for the first time, she noticed the healed over piercing mark on Dean’s right ear and pointed to it. “Looks like he used to be cool, though.”

“Yeah, guess so,” Dean said dryly. His hand went to his earlobe. “Pierced it myself, in high school.”

“I think you’re still cool,” Cas told him, and Claire fake-gagged, making Jack giggle.

Cas took the pins to the cash register where Wren rang them up. Dean added the bisexual flag pin and Claire threw in a pair of spiky earrings, because, hey, they were paying.

“15.36,” Wren told them, dropping the pins into a bag.

“My dad’s a dinosaur,” Jack told them, trying to see over the edge of the counter. Wren raised an eyebrow, Cas looked surprised, and Claire stifled a laugh.

“Claire, help me,” Jack said, grabbing the bag from Cas as they exited the store. Moving to the side, Claire helped him attach the pins to his overalls. A smiley face, a pride flag, a grinning Stitch, a sunflower, a dinosaur, and the pentagram. The pins clacked as Jack tugged at his overalls, trying to look at them all. Overall, a chaotic look, but it kinda matched his vibe.

“Lookin’ good,” she told him, and Jack beamed.

“I’m like you!”

Alright, she wouldn’t take it that far, but, “Yeah, close enough.”

Cas attached the “Save the Bees” pins to his trench coat pocket and it ended up crooked. Rolling her eyes, Claire said, “Let me.”

She reattached the pin and stepping back to look it over, decided, “You could actually make that coat look cool if you added more stuff to it.”

Cas looked down at himself. “Thank you.”

“Nothing’s gonna save that sweatshirt, though.” Couldn’t let his ego get too big.

“Dean said he liked it,” Cas said, glancing back at Dean, who was shooting an evil eye at Claire. He quickly wiped it off his face and draped an arm over Cas’ shoulders.

“Yeah, it’s uh… Charming.” He guided Cas away from Claire. “Don’t listen to her, she still thinks sarcasm is a personality trait.”

“Screw you, old man,” she called. Jack skipped after them and she checked her phone to see Kaia had texted her: How’s everything going? They drive you crazy yet?

They’re so weird, she texted back. Then she added, They’re not too bad.

“Come on, Jack,” she said, hurrying to catch up with him, Dean, and Cas. “Let’s go get our ears pierced.”

“Yay!” Jack cheered. He grabbed her hand and tugged her down the mall.

“Woah, woah, you’re not doing that,” Dean protested like the wet blanket he was.

“You can get yours pierced too,” Claire told him, and he faltered,

“I don’t want, we’re not—“

“You know you want to.” She let Jack lead her away and Dean called after them,

“We're never bringing you shopping again!”

Grinning, she turned to shout over her shoulder, “You know you love me!”

[wolveria]

Inside Your Wires - Chapter 1

Pairing: Human!Connor x Android!Reader

Summary: Assigned all cases involving android-related crimes, saddled with a prototype that follows him around like a plastic puppy, Detective Connor Anderson knows this must be karma for all the bad shit he’s ever done.

He thought he'd hit rock bottom, that he didn't have much left to lose, but he's proven wrong by the android sent by CyberLife. And Connor learns just how much further he can fall.

Prompt: For the @dbhau-bigbang​ 2020 challenge!

Series Warnings (18+ only): Eventual smut, slow burn, fantasy bigotry, violence, brief noncon elements, angst with a happy ending

AO3

(Story moodboard by @uh-kitty-got-wet​​)

November 5th, 2038

Friday 11:21PM

The whiskey was harsh and burned like liquid fire as it slid down his throat. He dropped the shot glass onto the bar top and closed his eyes and savored the bloom of the cheap booze warming his chest. The music from the old jukebox behind him belted out tunes that would have been considered outdated when the place opened.

It was like this most nights. He was alone, exhausted, and well on his way to a pleasant buzz. The one thing Connor had going for him was that he hadn’t started in on his third drink until 11 PM.

That had to be some kind of record. On a Friday night, he was usually shitfaced by 10. Call it the long hours he’d been working, or maybe the fact he felt more self-loathing than usual, he’d somehow managed to hold off on spiraling until nearly midnight.

Definitely a record. And Connor deserved to celebrate.

When he tipped the glass with one finger and caught Jimmy’s eye, he nearly looked away in shame. The bartender had never given him shit before, at least in a verbal sense, but the cool stare he gave Connor now made him want to crawl into a hole and die there.

But Jimmy didn’t say a word, just gave him another dose of poison and turned away, leaving Connor in relative peace to enjoy the game. Denton Carter was kicking ass tonight, so at least there was that.

It was all going beautifully until the door opened and the sound of rain echoed throughout the tiny bar, along with a distinct smell of wet asphalt and dirty concrete. Out of the corner of his eye, Connor saw two of the other regulars shift in their seats to stare at the newcomer.

Not another regular, then. And by how lengthy the stares were and the sudden shift in atmosphere, Connor guessed the barometric pressure had taken a drop due to a pair of long legs and pretty eyes.

Turning his body only far enough to get a glance for himself, Connor was not disappointed, eyeing the stranger from their black dress shoes, up their shapely legs clad in dark jeans, past curvy hips and—

Oh.

Connor turned back in his seat, hunched over and grimacing in disgust, put there by the sight of a blue triangle on a lapel and a glowing armband around one arm. He hadn’t even needed to look higher for the LED to know what the fuck had just waltzed into the joint like it actually belonged there.

He nursed his whiskey, praying the thing would pass him by and leave him the fuck alone. Or better yet, Jimmy would throw it out.

No such luck, of course.

“Detective Anderson,” spoke a smooth, raspy voice to his right. “I’m the YN800 model sent by CyberLife.”

He elected to ignore it. Maybe if he did so for long enough, it would take the hint and go away.

Again, Connor’s luck was not holding out.

“I called your cell phone, but you didn’t answer,” the voice continued, unimpeded. “I then looked for you at the station after checking your home, but you weren’t there either. Your colleagues indicated you tended to frequent the bars in the area, and I was fortunate to find you at the fifth one.”

His eye twitched. This thing had gone to his apartment?

“Well, here I am,” he answered, dry and caustic as he stared straight ahead at the wall of bottles. He calculated how angry Jimmy would be if he took out his service pistol and shot it through the head.

Pretty angry, Connor decided. It would probably leave a stain. Also, he didn’t want to compensate some asshole company for property damage.

“What do you want?” he finally growled, scratching his nail into the bar top already marred with various scuffs and dings.

“You were assigned a case earlier this evening. A homicide.”

Already, a headache was forming between the eyes at the sound of the android’s irritatingly friendly voice.

“Yeah, and?”

“It involved a CyberLife android,” it said in that same smooth inflection. “In accordance with procedure, the company has allocated a specialized model to assist investigators.”

You have to be shitting me.

Connor grit his teeth and clenched his glass tighter, a flush of heat moving through him that had nothing to do with his blood alcohol content. A fucking android was sent to help cops do their job?

Fuck that, and fuck this hunk of junk.

“Good for them,” he answered as he tipped the glass up to his lips. “I couldn’t give less of a shit. Now get the fuck out of my face. We don’t need any help, especially from a plastic pair of tits like you.”

He should have known that wasn’t the end of it. The android spoke again, adopting a tone of what it had probably been programmed as “sympathetic.”

“I understand you may be experiencing reluctance to having an android’s assistance in this matter, but I am—“

“—ruining a perfectly good evening, butting your nose where it doesn’t belong and sure as fuck isn’t welcome.”

Connor put his glass down harder on the bar top than he meant to, nearly spilling his drink.

“I suggest you leave before I void your warranty.”

Connor thought the machine got the message when it finally went silent. He could even see its mood ring spinning yellow out of the corner of his eye before it settled on that annoying placid blue.

He’d just brought the glass halfway to his lips when it said, “I’m sorry, Detective, but I must insist.”

Connor set the glass back down and started to count to ten. He couldn’t lose it now, he’d promised Jimmy he wouldn’t break anything else after the last brawl he’d gotten into.

But the fucking thing just kept on talking.

“My instructions stipulate that I have to accompany you.”

“You know where you can stick your instructions?” Connor growled before downing the glass of whiskey.

It was a good thing he had, because its next words made him choke on spit.

“No. Where?”

Connor set the glass down, and for the first time that evening, fully turned toward the android and stared at it.

The damn thing was staring back, head slightly tilted like a curious puppy. It had large eyes to match the image too, earnest and innocent and entirely too sincere. Its attire at second glance wasn’t the typical android faire. A smooth grey android jacket and a dark, patterned tie marked it as something different. Unique.

And just a little too pretty. Every designed, group-focused imperfection on its face made it that much more appealing. Its hair was neatly coifed, pulled up and pinned behind its head, exposing the smooth curve of its neck.

Hanging down the left side of its face was a strategically-placed lock of hair that Connor immediately want to twirl his finger around. He suspected that was the point.

The further down Connor’s eyes traveled, the more he lost his train of thought. The perfectly sensible tie was lying on the slope of its breasts, something even the jacket couldn’t cover. Why the fuck androids had breasts to begin with, Connor couldn’t begin to fathom, and it seemed even more ludicrous now seeing them on a “specialized model.”

The android hadn’t moved apart from its artificial breathing, another thing about the machines that was uncanny. They weren’t human, and the fact CyberLife kept trying to pass them off as such was a goddamn insult to humanity.

He met the thing’s eye, gave an unimpressed huff, and went back to nursing his drink. If the fucking tin can didn’t understand a dirty innuendo, he certainly wasn’t going to ruin its pristine, virginal programming.

Connor doubted everything that had just gone through his head as those unnecessarily realistic tits were pressed against his elbow, without warning or any sense of decency or a concept of personal space.

“How about this, Detective?”

Connor fumbled, nearly spilling his drink, a massive what the fuck! warning flashing in his head as the machine pressed closer.

“I’ll buy you another drink, on the house. Surely that’s worth a few minutes of your time? And if not, you can send me on my way.”

Connor couldn’t speak with that voice right into his ear like a close confidant, sultry and low and borderline pornographic, so it was a good thing the android didn’t bother waiting for a response.

Instead, it turned to Jimmy and said in a louder, more normal tone, “Bartender, another round for the detective, please.”

Jimmy turned from where he was cleaning glasses on the counter, eyebrows shooting upward as he looked from the machine to Connor. It had backed up a few inches, but there were a lot of reflective bottles on the wall. Connor wondered just how much Jimmy had seen.

Connor gave a little helpless shrug as if to say, Don’t look at me, I don’t know what the fuck it’s doing!

But when the damn thing actually brought out real paper money and set it on the counter, Jimmy got moving. Seemed he wasn’t picky about where his money came from, and Connor almost resented the fact he hadn’t thrown the android out on principle.

Who the hell gave it money in the first place? CyberLife? What, did they hand it a few bucks of allowance before letting it off its leash?

Despite all his reservations, and there were a great many of them, Connor was not about to turn down a free drink. Or two.

“Make it a double,” he grumbled, purposefully avoiding the android’s focused gaze. He could practically feel the thing staring into the side of his head, but at least it remained at a distance and wasn’t pressed against his side like a drunk, horny badge bunny anymore.

“Thanks, Jim.” Connor took the glass and tipped it back, drowning it in one go. The slide of the familiar burn down his throat, spreading throughout his limbs, did quite a lot to help ease the tension in his muscles.

He released a heavy exhale, pushed away from the bar, and got to his feet.

“You want to play plastic cop? Okay, then. Keep up,” he said, tilting his head in its direction without actually looking at it. “Or I’m leaving your ass behind.”

Connor didn’t wait for a response, only raised his hand in parting to Jimmy, and pushed open the door to let the rain-drenched Detroit night swallow him whole. But even through the sound of the rain pinging off the hood of his nearby car he could hear the even footfalls behind him, just a little too close for comfort.

Fucking androids.

Next Chapter

[ohmycenchaheart]

What started out as a headcanon, ended up becoming, well, this.. Cha Young is overcome with a strong sense of déjà vu as she strolls around the upscale men’s clothing store, waiting as her boyfriend gets fitted for his new Booralro suit.

Honestly now, the man is quite rich, not to mention has a good number of gold bars to his name, and yet he wants her to buy him his new suit. All because of a stupid bet they made during one of their makgeolli nights. Okay, so she may have somewhat grudgingly admitted that even the simplest, most basic pasta made by him, Spaghetti Aglio e Olio in this case, tasted better than the one Chef Toto served at Arno. She had tried to reason her way out — it was probably the wine he paired the pasta with that enhanced the taste. Alas, the soft moan that escaped her, as flavours of garlic, parsley and olive oil exploded in her mouth in the first bite itself, was enough to have Vincenzo smirk in victory like the insufferable git he can be when he wins. And that had been that.

They should have stuck to their old finger flick bets, she muses as she walks past a glass display of cuff links and tie pins. Except finger flicks weren’t just finger flicks anymore. Sometimes, they were soft kisses on the forehead, and sometimes, a little something more. It wasn’t something either of them minded; in fact, these bets often became playful excuses. But one day, in a silly fit of competitiveness, Cha Young had declared they up the stakes. And that’s how she finds herself in this fancy store once again, the same one where she’d bought him his suit and pen after their first court victory together, waiting as Vincenzo tries on yet another suit. In hindsight, she should’ve suggested the loser buy bungeoppang instead. Oh well..

“It’s for the party next week,” he’d insisted, at which Cha Young had merely scoffed. The man would do anything for a new Booralro suit. But it was a party she was looking forward to, a fancy one at the Italian Embassy to which her partner had snagged invites. And she had treated herself to a new dress using the same excuse, so it was a bit hypocritical of her, wasn’t it?

She walks over to the corner that houses a display of silk ties, all meticulously organised by colour, prints and size, where a light blue paisley tie catches her eye, and she asks one of the store attendants to take it out of the display for her. She can't remember if she’s ever seen him wear a paisley tie before, but the tie is beautiful. It’s soft and the print delicate, but it’s the colour that catches her fancy. It’s a light greyish blue, a colour she knows would go well with either of the three suits he’s shortlisted. But more importantly, and she won’t admit this to him, well not yet at least, the colour is almost the same shade of the dress she bought. She’d always found the idea of couples matching their outfits amusing, however, in that moment she’s willing to concede that there’s something sweet about it after all.

“Byeonhosa-nim, ” Vincenzo calls out to her as he steps out of the fitting room, closely followed by the store attendant who had been assisting him with the fitting. Cha Young tries not to roll her eyes at the employee who trails after her boyfriend with a starstruck look akin to the one adoring fans have upon meeting their favourite idol. “How’s this one,” he asks as he adjusts the cuffs of his suit.

She walks over to him, first running her hands over his shoulders and then smoothing the lapels of his jacket. Stepping back, she gives him a once over, and ignoring the fluttering in her heart, replies as nonchalantly as she can, “I think it should do the trick.” When the store attendant enthusiastically gushes about how good the suit looks on Vincenzo, Cha Young graces him with a glare that is enough to remind him that he needs to go and look after the other non-existent visitors in the store.

Finally without an audience, she holds up the tie with a slight flourish and asks, “what do you think?”

For a moment, she’s worried that perhaps the tie doesn’t match up to his high standards. The man does have impeccable taste, and is quite fussy about his clothing. Her little moment of doubt vanishes when Vincenzo smiles. “Yeppeuda.” It’s pretty.

“Here, let me,” she says as she closes the gap between them and reaches out to do up the top buttons of his shirt (a pity, really, because she loves it when he leaves his collar unbuttoned), smirking at the way Vincenzo gulps when her fingers are at the collar of his shirt. Besotted man that he is, he lowers his head in submission so that she can place the tie around his neck.

“Have you ever done this before?”

“A couple of times..”

When he raises his eyebrows, Cha Young realises what he might have misunderstood it as.

“For Abeoji,” she sheepishly clarifies. What she doesn’t tell him is that she would always loop the tie around her neck first, tie it, loosen it and then hand it over to her father. She had never tied a tie for someone on their person this way.

She adjusts the length of the tie (she thinks she’s got the length right), crosses the wider end over the thinner one, then passes it from the back the other side and then.. Damn it, what do you do next? Cross it over from the other side? Loop it all over again? She tries to remember the next step, forehead scrunched up in concentration, trying to jog her memory. It doesn’t help that Vincenzo’s cologne serves as a distraction. Feeling his gaze on her, she looks up.

“What are you looking at?”

You. “Your tie tying. I’m trying to figure out what knot you’re going to go for. Say, Byeonhosa-nim, are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

“Yah! I’m just.. trying to recollect. It’s been a while since I’ve done this.”

“Ahh.”

“…”

“Pass the wide end through the gap between the tie and the collar, and take it to the right side. That’ll be your left.”

“Mhmm. Like this?” “Yes. Now wrap the wide end across the thinner end, and then pull the wide end through the gap between the tie and collar like before. But don’t pull it too tightly. See that loop on top of the knot? You’ll need to—“

Before he can finish, she’s already sliding the wide end of the tie through the said loop, and pulling it tight.

“Yes, yes, I know. Now hold still, let me just adjust this.”

As she goes about making the final adjustments to the tie, pulling it tighter and fixing it into place, an old memory flashes in Cha Young’s mind — one of her mother tying a tie for her father in a similar manner, and Hong Yu Chan looking down at his wife with an adoring smile, very much like how Vincenzo is looking at her in this moment. She never understood why her mother did that, or why her father let her when he was perfectly capable of doing it himself, or why the late lawyer pretty much gave up wearing a tie (unless it was absolutely necessary) after the death of his wife.. but now she gets it.

“There, all done.”

She turns around, so that both her and Vincenzo are facing a full-length gilded mirror, and he can review her handiwork.

“That’s not a bad Half-Windsor, you know.. especially for your first try”

“A what now?”

“The knot. It’s called a Half-Windsor. It’s the one I usually go for. Either that, or a Four-in-hand..”

“Ooh. Are you giving me a crash course in tie knots now?”

“Well, it never hurts to know about different knots, you know. They can come very handy,” he adds suggestively, to which he promptly gets smacked in the shoulder with a “Yah!”

“I do think the length’s a bit off though. It needs to be longer. You’re going to need some practice, Byeonhosa-nim. I guess you’ll just have to do this for me a few more times again,” he tells her, smiling at her reflection in the mirror.

As they stand there in front of the mirror, their reflected gazes locked on each other, both of them all smiles, Cha Young thinks there’s something so intimate about moments like these, and it leaves her feeling warm.

Still looking at her in the mirror, Vincenzo leans down a little, an arm going around her waist, and whispers in her ear, “Interesting choice of colour, by the way,” and ohhh he knows. He knows why she picked this particular tie. Their reflections show his smile getting wider as her eyes widen in surprise.

A second later, Cha Young turns in her place, and gently tugging on his tie, pulls Vincenzo down to her and places a soft kiss where his neck meets his jaw. Satisfied with his flustered expression, she innocently smiles at him.

“I think you look very handsome, Jagiya. Now, I’m going to go pay for this. But you’re buying me lunch, so hurry..” And as she skips towards the billing counter, she leaves a besotted fool in her wake, who stares at her in a manner that can only be described as the human equivalent of the heart eyes emoji. What a pair of lovestruck idiots these two make..

[shirtlesssammy]

Anger and Love

I can tell you this. I still hurt over the ending of this show and the reasons roll into each other, like tangled yarn tossed in a bin. (In this metaphor, I am the bin.) 

Castiel

The BURY YOUR GAYS trope. My GOD when will this show learn. (The answer is never. Never, because it’s over.) In 15x18 Cas confesses his love and then dies. Guess who else dies in this episode? Charlie and Stevie! The writers said, “Who will hurt the most to lose? Ah, yes. Charlie in the new and terrified bloom of love.” We can ASSUME that Charlie and Stevie come back, but we don’t get to see it or hear about it. And we get the barest throwaway line that Cas comes back in 15x20, but not seeing him physically return after over a decade on the show feels like a blow that just won’t stop. 

More EMOTIONS below the cut.

On Thursday, I said to Boris that it would have been better if we’d never been tossed that crumb about Cas’s love. Why give us this FEAST and then take it away like Chuck poofing away a dog? Many people have pointed to network cowardice, and that’s certainly a possibility. Some people have put forth the theory that exposing Cas’s love for Dean was simply a season-ending ratings move. Either of those could be true, or some mix of them. Listen, I can spin myself around that stupid knot for days and we’ll probably never get the whole story. Instead, I have to look at the core of what Castiel coming out means for me. And the truth of it is, it means A LOT. It means I love him a whole lot more. Cas is mine, he’s ours, he’s one of us. And I’m angry as hell at how it went down, but I’m still glad we got Cas’s side of the story. I have a pride pin on the lapel of my Cas trench, and it’s never felt more perfect.

So I’m angry, but I’m also incredibly glad. Ugh. Knots.

Boris: We’ll never know what actually went down during the production of this season and the hiatus changes or the show’s narrative arc, but I have to believe that Robert Berens was given some kind of go ahead and planned for a lovely and beautiful ending for Dean and Cas. That his story was taken from him at the end (much like Wayward’s eventual ending), is so unfair. Because Cas’s story wasn’t completed. Dean and Cas’s story will forever float out there for us to ponder. Like Natasha, I will cling to Cas’s confession and see it as a beautiful coming out moment for a character I love very much. I’ll be forever despondent that we didn’t see Dean’s story play out on our televisions.

Dean

I didn’t come out as bi to more than three people until my late 30’s. It was something I was first in denial about, and then it just seemed “not relevant” for a large swath of my life (married for 18 years now). Talking about that with my family and friends surprised me - how relieved I felt. How free. As I was working through this, I was also slipping into Supernatural fandom, and watching a show where Dean COULD BE bi. Reader, I projected myself right onto Dean Bean. Maybe he was like me. Clueless, then in denial, then thinking that part of himself irrelevant. So giving us Cas without Dean, given the scenes we watch on the show, feels like a personal affront. I know I’m projecting here, so I’ll acknowledge those feelings and move on to the next…

I am also PISSED about Dean’s story. All his life he’s been “daddy’s blunt instrument” and ready to die bloody on a hunt. It’s spoken about so often that we think surely - at the end - we’ll subvert that. SURELY he’ll survive. The last couple of seasons, he’s fighting for control - freedom from Michael, freedom from Chuck. He finally achieves that freedom and then loses everything anyway. There are no rewards on Earth. He died solving one last case from John’s journal. Daddy’s little soldier to the end. It’s disgusting to me to take this beautiful, complex character who is textually SO FULL OF LOVE and then take a pass on imagining what he might do with a real life on earth. It’s lazy writing, used for a cheap, fast, emotional reaction. The more I unpack Dean’s fate against the rest of the series, the angrier I get.

Boris: I think so many of us confused and discovering things about ourselves later in life see Dean as a character that matters. His story, had it been told fully, would have mattered. I don’t buy his death or his peaceful afterlife. It’s still too raw to process because he deserves happiness in life!

Billie

“I know Supernatural has a history of killing off characters of color,” I told people, “but Billie’s a main character now!” W O W 15x18 is the kick that keeps on kicking. I did actually enjoy Billie’s arc quite a bit, but losing her still makes me angry, in the broader context of the show.

Women

“Supernatural isn’t great with women,” I said. “But we have Mary now! And Billie!” Please picture me as Olaf when I say. “Mary DIES. Billie DIES. Only sad men remain.” Sure, we get some throwaway lines. We know Donna’s alive in 15x20 because of the call to Dean’s phone. Actually, scratch that, we know someone talked to Donna…because this show didn’t want to address that literally no other hunter knew about or mourned Dean’s death so they had a random stranger call Dean’s “Other other phone” for help. Great. Now I’m mad about Dean again.

We can probably blame some of how the final episode shakes out on COVID. Presumably, the final scene in Heaven would have been a party with Mary, the roadhouse crew, original Charlie, maybe Eileen? Kevin? etc etc. Instead, it’s an empty, lonely end on screen.

Which brings me to Eileen. Sam’s romance was laid out carefully throughout season 15, so what the fuck happened here? We assumed we’d at least get some confirmation that Sam ends up with the woman he brought back from the dead and then dated as recently as a couple episodes ago. Instead, there is literally NOTHING. No attempt is made to say that Eileen’s the one Sam ends up with other than his son having dark hair. There are no family portraits. No sign language to the faceless mother by the house. (Standing in a floral dress, like a good housewife.) Is she dead? Did Sam end up with someone else? Even without dialogue, there are ways to show Eileen’s presence that weren’t used. I’m so angry that she was an element of the season and then…hand waved away as irrelevant. The faceless wife MY GOD, SHOW.

Boris: Yikes, I cynically see the reason to not include Cas in the end because homophobiaTM but to not even give us Eileen and Sam? Clearly, they wanted to erase every person that mattered to the brothers from the end. Ugly.

Heaven

The funny thing is that I’m constantly trying to write a “happy eternity in a now-free Heaven” in my own fan fiction. If anyone should like 15x20 it should be me! I’m always trying to argue that it isn’t major character death, because their souls are infinite and now free, blah blah blah. So ultimately, my problem isn’t with peace in Heaven. It’s with Dean’s EARLY DEATH, and how empty Heaven feels. How desolate and devoid of life. Dean leaves the Roadhouse and drives alone until finally Sam dies and joins him. It reads like the ultimate fuck you to the “family don’t end in blood” storyline. If COVID filming got in the way of filling Heaven with life, then we have all suffered a great loss. It should feel ecstatic and full of community. Instead, it just feels wide and lonely.

Ultimately, boiling the season finale into an intimate portrait of brothers should work on paper. It SHOULD, but the show leaves so much unsaid and unshown about the community and family they’ve built along the way, and tells us to be happy with the scraps we’ve gotten instead. It tells us they were never that important, in the end. 

The Future

I’m still going to watch the show. I’m still going to enjoy the show and the characters. There are reasons I have watched all along, and they don’t have anything to do with needing the show wrapped up in a neat bow. I’m angry with Supernatural’s conclusion, because I love it. And I’m okay with that.

Boris: I love this show so much, and I know I’ll continue to love it. I need time to lick my wounds and forget about this episode. This show is about the characters and the journey and that’ll never end.

[littledrummeraussie]

darling of mine.

Word count: 4900+ Author’s Note: Found a promp post on Pinterest, and this happened.

masterlist.

”On a scale from one to ten, how bad of an idea do you think it would be if we got married?”

We were both lying on Ashton’s couch, lounging in the sunbeams shining through the windows. I was tucked against his side, one leg resting over his as Ashton’s hand held onto the bare skin on my thigh, pulling me closer. His other arm was curled around my waist under the shirt I stole from him, his fingers drawing patterns on my side or lightly drumming the songs that came to his mind.

I was sleepy and content wrapped in his embrace, my face buried in his neck – his scent clouded my mind, and I wasn’t paying attention to what I was saying. That is, until the drumming stopped, then Ashton’s fingers grabbed onto my hips and suddenly I was under him, his massive figure leaning over me with a mischievous smile all over his face.

”Off the charts,” he replied with a glint in his eyes. ”Let’s do it.”

”Ash, I was joking,” I said, sliding my hands onto his cheeks to make him look into my eyes.

”Well, I wasn’t” he tipped his head forward and planted a quick kiss on my lips. ”Come on, if we go now we can make it to Las Vegas a little after noon.”

���But…” I sat up as soon as he was off me, his fingers already typing up coordinates, looking up the route to the city. ”We have a lunch date with Calum?!”

”I’ll buy him a burger on the way, and he can be the witness. We do need a witness, right?” he looked up at me quickly, a smile playing at the corner of his mouth.

”I– think so…”

”You see? Clearly a win-win situation!”

”Wait, you can’t be serious!” my eyes widened when he started grabbing his things from the living room. Ash gave me a look, almost like he was challenging me. He crooked an eyebrow at me when I still haven’t moved from the couch.

”I’m wearing YOUR CLOTHES,” I looked from him back to myself; we wanted to spend a lazy day together, and I didn’t feel like putting on my own stuff, so I stole an old band shirt and a flannel from Ashton’s closet that morning. ”They are at least 3 sizes bigger than mine!”

Ashton came back to me, put both his hands on my knees, then started leaning closer, kissing my lips slowly, but deeply. One of his hands came up to my face, brushing my hair behind my ear, nuzzling his nose to mine when he pulled away.

”You’ve never looked more beautiful,” he whispered with a smile. ”Come on, it’s just a road trip. If you don’t feel like marrying me by the time we get to Vegas, that’s okay too. Then we still just had a fun day, right?”

”Alright you,” I’ve rolled my eyes at him, but returned his smile. ”Let’s go on a road trip.”

”Yes! Now come on, we have to pick up Cal!” he pulled me off the couch, sending me away to get my stuff.

”Oh, and Ash,” I’ve turned back to him from the door. ”One burger is not going to be enough.”

* * *

 ”What about Luke and Michael?” I asked Ash as we were waiting for Calum.

”They could be the perfect flower girls!” he grinned back at me, reaching for his phone.

”Who’s going to be a flower girl?” Calum’s head appeared between the two of us from the backseat. ”Is someone getting married?”

”Yes, we are,” answered Ashton, already explaining something to one of the guys on the phone.

”No, we are going on a road trip,” I looked back at Cal. ”It was just a joke.”

”We’re going to Vegas! I’m picking the others up as well!” Ash put his phone down, starting the car.

”Cool. But we are getting burgers though, right?” Calum asked, leaning back in his seat. ”Cause you know, you two promised me lunch, and I’m really hungry.”

”Everyone’s getting burgers, just help us get married today,” exclaimed Ash, making his way towards Luke’s house.

”You can’t bribe everyone with burgers,” I shook my head, but he just looked at me over the rim of his sunglasses, giving me a wink.

”Watch me, Y/L/N.”

* * *

We ended up getting 20 burgers, 10 big fries, drinks for everyone, and some kind of dessert that caught Michael’s attention; he demanded Ashton buys him some of that stuff, otherwise he goes back home and there will be no road-trip-wedding-extravaganza without Michael Clifford himself. The cashier looked at me questioningly while the guys were ordering – I was sure he thought I was being kidnapped by these four weird tattooed guys with their Aussie accents, arguing over cheese and onions and ketchup. I wouldn’t have been surprised if the cops pulled us over before we’ve reached the outskirts of LA.

As we went back to the car Mikey called shotgun, and already started eating his fries by the time we made it there. I gave a quick kiss to Ashton’s cheek, and sat on the backseat between Luke and Calum. Soon it really started to feel like a real road trip you take with your friends. There was music playing, the guys were joking and laughing, making comments about each other. Ashton was driving, his toothy smile never leaving his face as he sneaked looks at me in the rearview mirror. Michael was navigating, and Cal and Luke were trying to catch fries thrown at each other.

”I think we are going the wrong way,” frowned Mikey, still looking at his phone. ”We should have left the highway miles ago.”

”Don’t tell me we are lost,” said Ashton, already pulling over and parking the car. ”Give me your phone!”

”Hell no, you have your own!”

”Michael. Give. Me. The. Phone. NOW.”

As they were arguing, I’ve noticed Calum and Luke starting to munch on their leftover burgers, watching Ash and Michael like they were their favourite TV show. Without taking their eyes off of them, Cal offered me some burger and Luke his fries, both which I have declined.

”Mom and Dad are at it again,” commented Luke, and I needed to laugh at this. This caught the other two guys’ attention, and they slowly looked back at us.

”If you two are done with your old married couple fight, do you think we can continue this trip?”

”Please, come and sit back next to me before I strangle him,” pleaded Ashton, but I just shrugged at him.

”I’m perfectly fine just here between the cool kids,” I winked at him.

”There, Irwin,” said Michael finally, pushing his phone in front of Ashton’s face. ”Back that way, and we should be good. You happy now?”

”I’ll be when we get to Vegas,” he answered, casting me another look, then started the car. ”We have a wedding to get to.”

”Oh, this reminds me…” Cal was excitedly bouncing next to me, then gave me a grin and started singing. ”Goin' to the chapel and we're gonna get married…”

They were all singing the damn song for the next 20 miles or so.

* * *

Luke wanted to get coffee before we’ve arrived, so Ash stopped again at the nearest gas station, making the others buy us all drinks. I was leaning against the door, watching cars passing by on the highway, waiting for the guys to come back. I was drawing patterns on the pavement with my shoes, until Ashton’s sneakers appeared in front of mine, pushing our toes together, and I’ve looked up at him.

”Are you okay?” he asked me, already reaching for me to pull me to his chest.

”Yeah,” I breathed, slipping into his arms. ”I’m fine.”

”Y/N,” his fingers went under my chin, tipping my head up to look at him again. ”Is this wedding thing bothering you? You really don’t want to marry me? Cause you know you don’t have to. I would understand.”

”It’s… all just really quick, I guess,” my eyes slid down to his jacket, and I started fussing with the pins on the lapel. ”We’re not even engaged, we’ve… we’ve never talked about marriage and stuff. I’ve only moved in with you like… five months ago.”

”Do you think we should turn around?” he asked again, his fingers sneaking into the loops of my jeans. ”You just have to say the words, and we will go home. Really, it’s okay.”

”Ash, what is that you want?” I looked back at him, tugging on his jacket. ”Do you really want to get married?”

”I just want you,” he rested his forehead against mine, closing his eyes for a long moment, then looked at me with something that could only be described as: ”I love you. And god knows I wanted to do this the right way, buying you a ring, properly ask you, maybe even make an announcement filled with heart emojis and stuff. But then everyone would be all over us, and I… I want it to be about us, just you and me. So when you’ve asked me this morning, it just felt like the perfect thing to do.”

”I’ve thought you would want a big party with friends and family. You know, all dressed up, fancy food, crazy best friends making speeches, maybe even fireworks…”

”We have the crazy best friends with us. And anyway, you’ve asked me what would happen if we’ve got married,” he booped my nose with his finger.

”It just slipped out,” I blushed, casting my gaze down.

”But you’ve been thinking about it, right?” he asked again, and I nodded.

”Of course. Every girl does that. I’m no exception,” I shrugged my shoulder with a smile.

”I could go down on one knee right now and ask you to marry me, if that’s what you want,” Ashton put his hand on my cheek, caressing it. ”We can forget about the trip and just go home. I’ll buy you a ring, and we can start planning the big day. You can have the wedding of your dreams, you can have anything. Just say the words.”

”Ash, it really doesn’t matter how we do this. As long as I’m marrying you, any wedding is my dream wedding.”

”So what do we do now?”

”I say we go to Vegas,” I’ve put my arms around his neck, pushing myself up on my tiptoes so I could look into his eyes. ”We get married, because you’re right, this is just for us. And then we can always just throw an afterparty to those who feel like they’ve missed it.”

”God, I love you so much!” he planted a kiss on my lips, which earned us some catcalls from the guys who were just coming back from the shop.

”Did we miss something, lovebirds?” asked Michael, offering me one of the drinks in his hands.

”We’re getting married!” I smiled at him while holding onto Ashton.

”For real?” asked Luke.

”For real,” nodded Ash with a grin, giving me another kiss on the top of my head.

”Took you long enough,” said Calum, passing Ash his coffee while going for the passenger seat. ”So let’s go!”

”Two more things,” I turned back to Ashton, squeezing his hand in mine.

”Anything for you,” he returned the squeeze, still smiling like the happiest man on Earth. And I was sure he was exactly that.

”If we’re gonna do this, let me get an appropriate dress when we arrive. You can get us rings while I do that,” I leaned up to him to kiss his cheek. ”And… I love you too.”

* * *

”You’re stalling,” said Calum as he held the pile of clothes I wanted to try on.

”No, I’m looking for a dress,” I answered as I went through the next rack.

When we’ve arrived to Las Vegas, we quickly decided on a little chapel that we’ve both liked, and made plans to meet back there once we have found everything we needed. Luke and Michael went with Ashton to buy us some rings, and Calum came with me to a nearby thrift shop to look for a wedding dress. We were really doing it – we were getting married.

”You know he’s serious about this, right?” Cal stopped me, turning me around to face him. ”Sure, I’ve thought he was joking in the beginning, but… I can see how he looks at you, especially now. He is dead serious about you.”

”I know, Calum,” I nodded, smiling at him. ”Me too. I’ve never been this serious about anyone else. Ashton is… special.”

”Then why not just do it? Get married and be done with it? Why the dress and the ring?” he asked me as I made my way towards the changing room.

”Because Ashton is special,” I repeated it. ”I know he would love me dressed in his clothes too, but I want to look pretty for him today.”

”You’re always beautiful for him, that’s no question,” he finally smiled at me. ”I’m sure he appreciates the effort.”

”Thanks Cal. Now, I will need your amazing taste to find me the perfect dress,” I said, kissing his cheek, and disappearing into the changing room.

We spent the next half an hour going through the dresses I have picked out, until I’ve finally found the one. Calum took it from me, saying he will pay for it as a wedding gift, and it made my heart melt. As I made my way after him, my eyes landed on a pair of shoes that I’ve thought could be perfect with my new dress, and I’ve added it to the pile of things at the cashier’s desk. Cal crooked an eyebrow at me.

”And those?”

”My shoes,” I smiled, bouncing on my toes next to him.

”You’re definitely the perfect fit for him,” he laughed, reaching for his wallet.

”And what’s in that?” I asked, reaching for a package I knew I did not choose.

”That’s a surprise,” he pulled my hands away gently. ”You will see it pretty soon.”

* * *

There was a knock on the door of the small room in the back of the chapel where I’ve changed into my wedding dress. I’ve stopped fiddling with my shoes, waiting a few seconds before finding my voice and asked who it was.

”It’s Luke. Are you dressed? Can I come in?”

”Yeah, it’s okay,” I answered, and he stepped into the room.

”Look at you,” Luke smiled brightly, spinning me around to see all the details. ”Damn, Ashton is one lucky man.”

”Is he alright?” I couldn’t keep my nervous question to myself, and Luke just let out a laugh.

”He’s down the hallway in the other room with Cal and Michael. Pretty sure he’s fussing with his hair or something. He’s fine. Wants to already put a ring on this,” he winked at me, and his cheeky comment made me laugh as well, making my nerves go away.

”Well, I’m actually ready, so… we might as well go and make this happen,” I smiled at Luke, who nodded, but then held up his hands.

”Oh, I’ve got you something,” he quickly stepped outside to retrieve a bouquet of flowers and a simple flower crown that he placed on top of my head. ”There. Perfect.”

”Luke, this… this… I just… thank you,” I started to tear up, and he hugged me immediately.

”Please don’t cry, Ashton will think I’ve made you upset or something, and…”

”No, no, he won’t,” I laughed, hugging him back. ”This means a lot to me, thank you. Really.”

”There’s no wedding without flowers,” he said with a smile, then wiped my tears away. ”I’m gonna check in with the guys and after that – may I walk you down the aisle, Ms Y/L/N?”

”It would be my pleasure, Mr Hemmings.”

* * *

We were standing behind the door, waiting for the music to start. Luke promised me that they have chosen an appropriate song for us and that I don’t have to get married to some tacky radio hit. I was already holding onto his arm, waiting, waiting, waiting. I was getting more and more nervous – it felt unreal; a few hours ago we were lying on the couch with Ashton, just basking in the early morning sunlight, and now I was wearing a white dress in a chapel in Las Vegas, ready to promise him forever and always. Luke squeezed my arms when the first chords started playing, giving me an encouraging smile.

”Ready to steal our drummer?”

”You’re never getting him back,” I squeezed his arm, and he nodded.

”Good. He was annoying as hell,” he commented with another smile, and opened the door, leading me inside.

I didn’t have time to look around, because my eyes were already focused on the back of the room where Michael and Calum stood with matching grins, looking from me to Ashton, and then back. And Ashton – he was everything.

He was wearing a black button-up shirt with a red rose pattern and his signature leather jacket, hair styled to perfection, with the biggest, happiest smile on his face. He couldn’t take his eyes off of me, and I felt exactly the same way – I just wanted to look at him forever. Luke gave me one last hug when we’ve arrived next to the guys, and one after the other they stepped to me. Calum embraced me, giving a kiss on my cheek; over his shoulder I could see Ashton quickly wiping his eyes while Luke patted him on the back.

”Because you are special too,” Calum whispered quietly in my ear. ”And you deserve a well-dressed man on your wedding day as well.”

”Was it your idea?” I asked with a smile, but he shook his head.

”All his. I was just the errand boy,” he returned my smile, and slowly let go of me. ”I’m really glad it’s you. My boy chose well.”

”Thanks Cal,” I gave his hand a squeeze as Michael came and looked me up and down.

”Are those… pink Converse?” he quirked an eyebrow at me, and I grinned at him. ”Damn, you guys really are perfect for each other.”

”Michael, are you… crying?” I asked when he rubbed his face, turning away a little.

”No, it’s just a… fuck it, yes, I’m crying!” he shook his head, quickly hugging me. ”I’m just happy for you idiots, that’s all. I’m allowed to cry!”

We held each other for a little more, then I gave him a kiss on his cheek, and Mikey gave me the thumbs up, then lead me up the two steps so I was finally standing in front of Ashton. Calum took the flowers away from me, and Ash reached for my hands, interlocking our fingers and squeezing them.

”Hey gorgeous,” he smiled at me, his eyes never leaving mine. ”Damn, look at you.”

”You’re not too bad yourself, Irwin,” I winked at him, and he just started laughing.

”You know you’re gonna be wearing that name from now on, right?”

”And I’m gonna enjoy every second of it,” I promised him, making Ashton’s smile even brighter.

The officiant welcomed us all, quickly starting the ceremony itself, not wasting any time. All I could see was Ashton, smiling and looking back at me with love and adoration all through the service. I felt like the luckiest girl alive, standing there in my short dress and pink shoes, flower crown on my head, with the man I loved, and our three amazing friends supporting us all through our sudden and crazy decision. I knew I wouldn’t have this wedding any other way – it really was perfect for us.

Then suddenly Michael stepped up to us, holding out two simple silver wedding bands, giving us both smiles as we took them from him. Ashton slowly turned the ring around in his hand, then took my hand and slid it on my finger.

”I’m crazy about you – so crazy that when you jokingly asked me if us getting married would be a bad idea, I knew that there’s no way I’m not marrying you today,” Ash started, looking up at me, brushing a lock of hair behind my ear. ”You’re perfect to me, and before you start arguing, yes, you are. Because there’s nobody else who would have said yes to such an insane idea this morning. And I want to thank you for that. You’re the cherry on top of this crazy life I have, and I’m lucky to call you mine, darling.”

”Damn, even I would marry him,” we all heard Calum whispering, and a laugh ran through us all.

”Too late,” I scrunched up my face at him, and after he blew me a kiss, I turned to Ashton, slipping the ring on his finger too. ”This morning I’ve thought you were crazy, bribing people with burgers to take a road trip with us to Vegas. And yet, I knew there was no way I would skip this trip. Somehow… I knew that we would end up here, and I don’t mind it at all. Not even a little. I still think you are crazy, but I want to be crazy with you for the rest of my life. I love you Ash. There’s no one else I’d rather call my husband than you.”

Ashton blushed, trying to blink away his sudden tears, mumbling something about flowers and allergies, but there was no way you could wipe the smile off of his face. The officiant said a few more words, then smiled at the both of us.

”And with this, I now pronounce you husband and wife,” he nodded at Ashton. ”You may kiss your bride!”

”Oh hell yeah, I will,” Ash stepped closer to me with a grin, his fingers sliding up my jaw to hold my face.

”Too much talk, Irwin,” I started to tease him. ”And not enough kissing.”

”We can’t have that now, can we?” he crooked an eyebrow at me, and when I started to laugh again, he pulled me closer and pushed his lips against mine, kissing me passionately.

There was clapping coming from the guys with bonus catcalls and shouts, and it just fuelled Ashton to kiss me as long as he can – and honestly, I was more than happy to let him do it. I would have given up on breathing if it meant that I can keep his lips close to mine.

”Oh my god, stop it!” finally one of the guys shouted at us, but Ash just smiled into the kiss, whispering. ”Never.”

* * *

”Can I just steal you away for a few minutes?”

”Sure.”

We were piled into a booth at a close by diner, eating another round of burgers, pancakes and waffles. It was getting dark, and we still had the whole journey back to LA before us, so we decided to take the time and have dinner, a nice way to finish our day together. Ashton’s hand never left my waist as we sat next to each other, sharing fries and smiles all through dinner. My flower crown wandered over to Ash while we were taking photos, then Luke put it on for a while, and now it was sitting on the top of Mikey’s head as he devoured his pancakes.

”Don’t have sex in the bathroom,” Luke called after us as Ash took my hand, leading me to the door.

As we stepped outside, he took his jacket off, putting it over my shoulders, then he found a nearby bench and sat down, pulling me into his lap. My arms went around his neck, and leaned my head against his as his fingers caressed my side. We were so close to each other that our foreheads and noses were touching. Ashton’s eyes were searching me, and I silently waited for his next words.

”We’re married,” he said finally, then his face split into a wide smile. ”We’re married!”

”You officially can’t get rid of me,” I ran my fingers over the back of his neck, sliding them into his hair. ”You’re stuck with me now.”

”It’s a dream come true,” he pushed his lips against mine for a quick kiss. ”And now that you’re off the market, I don’t have to worry about anyone else stealing you.”

”Ash, you know there was only ever you,” I kissed him back, then nuzzled my face into his neck. ”I love you, silly.”

”And I love you, darling,” he pulled me closer to his body, locking his arms around me. ”I love you.”

We sat there together, quietly confessing our love for each other until the guys gave up on the waiting game, and came to pick us up. Michael offered to drive, so with Luke on the passenger seat, and Calum, Ashton and me in the back, we started to make our way home. Luke was the first one to fall asleep, feet up on the dashboard and head lolling to the side. I was leaning against Ashton’s shoulder, battling sleep as well, but both his and Calum’s body on my other side were warm; in the end Cal’s light snoring and Ashton’s fingers in my hair slowly lulled me to sleep.

* * *

”Y/N? Hey, we’re home,” Ashton’s soft words woke me up, and I looked up at him.

The others were already out of the car, yawning and stretching – the flower crown ended up on Calum’s head, and the white flowers looked absolutely amazing in his dark hair. Ashton rubbed my arms, trying to warm me up a little as I was trying to work through my sleepy haze. He opened the car door and helped me out, pulling me to his body, keeping me warm there as well.

”Just take the car, you can drop it off tomorrow,” he said to Michael and the others. ”Thanks for coming with us today. And for bringing us home.”

”Thanks for not eloping without us,” smiled Calum, giving us a half hug. ”That wouldn’t have been fun.”

”Is this the part where you all give your best man speeches?” I mumbled against Ashton’s chest, and all four of them started laughing.

”There will be a time for that as well,” said Luke, and I smiled at him. ”You will be getting embarrassing stories about your husband. A lot of them, actually.”

”I can’t wait,” I winked at him, and Ashton huffed out another laugh.

”Gee, thanks guys. Where’s the bro code? What about my dignity?”

”She already married you, she’s stuck with you, Ash!” Michael shook his head, and patted Ashton’s back. ”You’re fucked, my man.”

”Talking about being fucked,” I heard the smirk in Ashton’s voice. ”Maybe it’s better if you bring back the car the day after tomorrow…”

”Oh my gOD, I’M OUT OF HERE!” Michael was already back in the car, so Luke and Calum took their seats, and waved at us as the car disappeared down the street.

We made our way up the stairs, but before I could go inside, Ashton picked me up, bringing me over the threshold, planting a kiss on my lips after closing the door. He did not stop there though, but started to go up the stairs again until he reached our bedroom. He put me down on the bed, first taking his jacket off of me, then started to pull off my shoes as well. I leaned back, getting comfortable on the bed, until he finally lay down next to me.

”Hey,” Ash smiled at me, reaching over to caress my face.

”Hey you,” I turned to face him, catching his hand to plant a kiss on his palm. ”Husband.”

”Hmm. I like that, Mrs Irwin,” he dropped his hand to take mine, bringing it up to his lips to kiss the ring on my finger. ”Has a real nice ring to it.”

”Well, I do have a nice ring,” I booped his nose, making Ashton laugh. ”You also have a really nice ring to yourself.”

”It’s definitely my favourite one,” he interlocked our fingers, resting our hands between us on the bed. ”That, and the one you are wearing. You are… mine. And I can’t get enough of this feeling. Or you, for the matter.”

”You can prove that in the morning,” I leaned over to kiss him. ”I’m looking forward to a full day long wedding night.”

”You’re definitely getting fucked in that dress,” he gave me a smirk, and I rolled my eyes at him with a smile.

”Always the romantic, Irwin,” I cuddled up to his side, and he pulled the covers over us, holding me close to himself.

”You signed up for a lifetime or sarcasm, Y/L/N. Just saying,” he yawned, then started running his fingers through my hair. ”Do you think you can handle that?”

”It’s on, Irwin,” I nuzzled my face against his neck. ”It’s so on.”

I was already falling asleep, and Ashton’s fingers were also slowing down in my hair. I felt his hand sliding down to my waist, drawing a simple pattern there like he did in the morning. There was a moment of silence, then he pressed a soft kiss against my temple.

”Y/N?” I felt him smile against my skin.

”Ash.”

”I love you. Wifey.”

”I love you more. Husband.”

”Say it again?” he whispered once more, and I gave him one last squeeze before falling asleep.

”Husband.”

[the--blackdahlia]

We’ll Always Have Kimpo

Title: We’ll Always Have Kimpo

Summary: Trapper is waiting for his flight. BJ is waiting on his ride.

Warnings: None that I can think of

AN: This idea just wouldn’t leave me alone!

Trapper sat at the bar of the officer’s club, mad at the world. He had spent the entire day the day before trying and failing to get a hold of Hawkeye. So he figured that he would have the next morning to write him a letter, right? Well, no, because he was awoken at the crack of dawn by Radar’s damn bugle and a jeep there to take him to Kimpo. So, he thought he’d write one on the way and pin it to the lapel of a soldier who might be heading that way. Who needs roses when you’ve got a perfectly good, red blooded American, right? Well, no to that one. The driver must have raced cars in a past life.

And here he was, at a bar nursing a martini that didn’t burn his stomach lining, staring at a cocktail napkin and a pen he stole from a b-girl that was trying to seduce her way out of the country. What was he supposed to say to Hawkeye? Sorry for running off but I hope you like that kiss Radar gave you. Sorry I couldn’t give it to you personally.

Trapper sighed and tossed his pen onto the bar. BEcause of his speedy driver, his flight wasn’t due anytime soon. And he had several layovers along the way before he finally reached Boston. He tossed the pen on the bar and groaned.

“Excited about your draft?” A voice asked. Trapped looked over at a tall man with neatly combed hair and an even neater dress uniform.

“I’m getting sprung,” Trapper laughed.

“Mind if I sit there?” He asked, pointing to the stool by Trapper. 

“Be my guest,” He waved for him to sit. “I’d say it’s a free air base, but that’d be a lie.” He watched the man lay his nice hat on the bar. “What ya drinkin’?”

“Nothing for me. First day on the job,” He laughed.

“Come on. I’m buying.” Trapper laughed. “I'll even buy you something fruity.”

“Well, since you put it that way,” He smiled. “I’ll take a lemonade.”

“Hard lemonade for my buddy,” Trapper told the bartender. “And put it on my tab.”

“I didn’t order a hard lemonade,” The other man told him. Trapper shrugged.

“Might as well live it up while you can.” Trapper picked up his martini glass and took a sip. “You know, my buddy and I made this in our tent. We had a still. And this is like water compared to that.”

“Sounds like a good friend.”

“He’s the best,” Trapper sighed. “And I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”

There was a little bit of a silence between the two, like the newcomer was afraid to ask if his friend was still there, if he was sent home, or if he was just gone.

“So, you got a name?” Trapper asked.

“BJ Hunnicutt.”

“BJ? What’s that stand for?”

“Anything you want.” Trapper laughed a little. “And you?”

“John McIntyre, but my friends called me Trapper.”

“Why do they call you Trapper?”

“A story I’m not really proud about.”

“Ah.”

Trapper took a drink of his martini and BJ took a drink of his hard lemonade.

“So, I’m guessing that you’re here because you opened an invitation to the wrong party?” Trapper asked, leaning against the bar to look at BJ.

“Guess you could say that,” BJ nodded. “Could’ve just let my little girl chew on it, but noooooo, my wife made me open the damn thing.”

“To wives.” Trapper raised his glass and BJ copied him. “My wife would hate some of the things my best friend and I got up to over here.”

“Not sure if I really want to know.” BJ laughed.

“Captain McIntrye?” A voice behind them said. “Your flight is boarding.”

“Thanks.” He downed the rest of his martini and threw some money on the bar before pausing for a second and handing some to BJ.

“What’s this?”

“Need to get you started on your ulcer. Not that they’ll send you home. Trust me, I tried.” Trapper headed towards the door.

“Wait, you didn’t tell me where you’re headed to!” BJ called out to him.

“Tokyo, San Francisco, Boston.” Trapper told him.

“I’m from around San Francisco,” BJ told him. “Tell my wife I love her. Her name is Peg Hunnicutt.”

“I will.” Trapper told him, the private who had gotten his attention earlier trying to get him out the door. “What about you?”

“MASH unit. 4077th. They need a new surgeon.”

The look that washed over Trapper’s face was something that BJ couldn’t figure out. Trapper tried to pull away from the private. He could just write the note and give it to BJ. He had been spending the whole time talking when he could’ve been writing. But it was no use as the private got Trapper out of the door and the door shut behind him.

[zen3to5]

J/H 5-06: Over the Hills and Far Away

This was an interesting case, the one page-one rewrite of Season 5. I really like this episode as it is, and I think it's one of the best of the fifth season - overall, and for J/H. But because of the rewrites done to "Eric's Naughty No-No," Hyde's dilemma about fidelity here would be redundant. So, I've come up with something else for him and Jackie in this timeline...

(Following production order, we assume that episode 5-05, "Ramble On," played out as we know it, without changes.)

FF.Net AO3

***

SHOW TITLE   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN - NIGHT   Suppertime. RED, HYDE, and ERIC are at the kitchen table, with dinner laid out before them. KITTY, with a last tray of food, scurries over and takes her seat.   KITTY: Okay. So, is everyone ready for our big trip to the University of Wisconsin?   ERIC: Yeah, Donna and I have it all mapped out. She is going to buy a tight sweater with a big red “W” on it, and I am going to watch her wear it.   Red looks up from his meal, glares at Eric.   ERIC (cont’d): (to Red) And then we’re gonna buckle down.   KITTY: Steven, honey, are you sure you don’t want to come with us?   HYDE: No thanks, Mrs. Forman. I’m not the college type. I get my learnin’ on the street.   RED: (to Hyde) That reminds me – all the beer’s coming out of the house. All the wine, too. Anything with alcohol, I’m moving out of here tonight. So if you somehow cut yourself while we’re gone, pack it with ice and hope to God you reach the hospital in time.   HYDE: You’re thinking of what happened last New Years’ Eve, aren’t you?   RED: See there – you’ve got the smarts for college.   KITTY: (to Eric) Well, I just can’t believe my baby is all grown up and visiting college. (beat) I am so freaking old!   ERIC: And menopause makes another unwelcome appearance at the dinner table.   Kitty starts fanning herself.   The patio door opens, and DONNA enters the kitchen. Eric stands to meet her.   ERIC (cont’d): Hey, there’s my favorite co-ed. Hey, you all packed for visitors’ weekend?   DONNA: I can’t go. My dad is making me visit Marquette instead. He thinks it’s a better school ‘cause it’s private. Oh, and ‘cause it sounds French.   ERIC: Well, you know what? We’ll just go with you. I mean, if it’s a better school, then I belong there too. Right, Dad?   RED: No. State schools are cheap. That’s where you belong.   ERIC: Well, what if, like, you took out a second mortgage on the house?   Red and Hyde both laugh.   RED: Not for you, dumbass.

MAIN CREDITS   BUMPER   INT. DONNA’S BEDROOM - NIGHT   Shortly after dinner. As Eric watches, Donna packs for visitors’ weekend.   DONNA: I have a bad feeling about this weekend, Eric. Nothing good can come from us visiting different schools.   ERIC: Well, yeah, but there’s an upside. Two days apart... I mean, when we get together, it’s gonna be electric, baby. Like a thunderstorm.   DONNA: Eric, I’m serious. I mean, what if we actually end up going to different colleges and we’re apart for four years?   ERIC: Well, then, come semester break, you’d better board up your windows, ‘cause guess what? Here comes Hurricane Eric.   DONNA: Board up my windows? What are my windows? And, whatever they are, wouldn’t you want them open?   ERIC: Mmm.   Donna tries to keep packing, but Eric moves in closer.   ERIC (cont’d): Look, Donna, all I’m saying is that I think we can get through anything. I mean, we go to different schools now and we’re fine, because our love is strong. Like a big, burly bear. So zip up your tent, ‘cause guess what? This bear has claws.   DONNA: Again, wouldn’t you want my tent open?   ERIC: Mmm.   BUMPER   EXT. FORMAN KITCHEN - DAY   The next morning, pre-trip. Red and Hyde stand by the sink, sipping sodas. Eric comes in from the living room, dressed for the road with a backpack slung over his shoulders.   RED: Hold it, Son. Now, before we hit the road, we need to have a talk about that horrible thing that’s taken over your mother.   ERIC: You mean her change of life?   HYDE: I thought we were calling it the lady parts problem.   RED: It goes by many names. Now we’re dealing with a tricky enemy here. I haven’t been this frosty since Korea. And, just like a commie, it can jump out and attack you at any moment.   KITTY (v.o.): Red, honey?   HYDE: Incoming!   ERIC: Retreat!   Hyde rushes down to the basement while Eric breaks for the patio door. They clear out just as Kitty enters from the living room.   KITTY: Red, um, you know, I’ve been a tad bit moody lately. So, um, if you don’t want me to go on this trip, I’ll understand.   RED: Well, you know, honey, there’s really no need for you to go.   DONNA: I knew you didn’t want me to go! Well, I am going whether you like it or not! (Stars fanning herself) Why is it so damn hot in here? It’s like... it’s like we’re living in Hell!   She storms back out into the living room.   RED: You can say that again.   He sighs and nurses his soda.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - DAY   A truncated gang all share the couch – Hyde, JACKIE, and FEZ. WACKY RACES plays on the TV. Jackie’s eyes, however, are on Hyde, and she sits in as coy a pose as she can.   JACKIE: So, Steven, you have the whole house to yourself this weekend.   HYDE: Yeah, but the Formans are all on edge dealing with all the menopause crap, so I’m playing it safe. We’ll have to take the party on the road. (to Fez) All set, buddy?   FEZ: Ten-four, amigo. I got the jumbo size this time.   JACKIE: (to Hyde) What is he talking about?   HYDE: Saturday night, man. We cruise around, stop by the high school, and throw eggs at the football practice.   FEZ: And then I spend most of Monday running from the football team. Their catch rate is down – I’m really building up my speed.   JACKIE: What? Steven, don’t you remember last week? You finally called me your girlfriend.   Hyde shrugs; he doesn’t get it.   JACKIE (cont’d): We’re officially a couple now.   HYDE: All right. So?   JACKIE: So, don’t you think we should spend Saturday night together?   HYDE: Hey, you can come if you want. They’ve caught us on the field a few times. We could use your high kicks.   JACKIE: I don’t want to spend our first official Saturday as a couple fighting the football team with Fez.   FEZ: Oh, Jackie, you know there is a good chance I’d be with you wherever you two went for your Saturday night.   Jackie and Hyde both turn to glare at him; he pulls back to his end of the couch as far as he can.   CUT TO:   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – DAY   Concurrent with the previous scene. Eric and Red finish packing up the Vista Cruiser as Kitty comes out from the kitchen, dressed for the trip.   KITTY: Red, honey, you know, I’m sorry about our little spat. The last thing I wanna do is ruin our trip.   RED: Oh, sweetheart, that’s okay.   He smiles, gives her a quick kiss. Kitty giggles and goes into the Vista Cruiser.   ERIC: Wow. Mom certainly cheered up.   RED: Don’t be fooled. She’s a ticking time bomb.   They start around the car when KELSO comes running through the garage, an envelope stuck onto his jacket.   KELSO: Hey, wait up!   RED: What do you want?   KELSO: The explanation’s pinned to my lapel.   Red takes the envelope off Kelso and opens the note inside.   RED: (reading) “Dear Red, Mr. Kelso and I are unable to take Michael to UW. Here’s thirty dollars so he can go with you.”   He checks the envelope; it’s empty.   RED (cont’d): (to Kelso) Where’s the thirty bucks?   KELSO: Oh, I bought this electronical football game.   He holds the game up.   RED: I swear to God, Kelso! You make Eric look like Einstein!   Eric pulls a “touched” face, puts his hand on his heart.   ERIC: Thank you, Daddy.   KELSO: (scoffs) “Thank you?” Einstein was ugly.   He and Eric move to get in the car as Red rolls his eyes.   CUT TO:   EXT. OPEN ROAD - DAY   The Vista Cruiser speeds down the highway. Red and Kitty sit up front, Eric and Kelso in back. The noise from Kelso’s football game fills the car. Kitty tugs furiously at her collar.   KITTY: Oh! It’s like a sauna in here. I wish you all didn’t have to breathe so much.   ERIC:  All right, Kelso, you heard the lady. No more breathing.   KITTY: (to Eric) No, I didn’t tell you not to breathe, I told you not to breathe as much. There’s a difference!   RED: (sighs) Eric, how far are we from the exit?   Eric glances out the window at the mile markers.   ERIC: Um... we just missed it.   RED: Dammit! You’re supposed to be following the map. What the hell are you doing back there?   Eric holds up the map – folded into a crown.   ERIC: Making you a crown, ‘cause you’re king of the road!   He pops the crown on his head, then clutches at his stomach.   ERIC (cont’d): Whoa. That last soda’s made it through. Can we pull off to use the bathroom?   KELSO: First and goal!   RED: When’s the next damn exit?   ERIC: Bit of an emergency here.   KELSO: Touchdown!   KITTY: Would you all just shut up!   She cranks the A/C and takes a few deep breaths, as the men all do their best to pretend not to be there.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – DAY   Eggs, eggs, and more eggs! Seven full cartons of eggs cover the kitchen table. Hyde and Fez stand around the table and inspect the eggs, all grins. Jackie leans against the island, pouting.   FEZ: (to Hyde) This is going to be a good one. The new halfback, Hunter Williams, poured tomato sauce down my pants during lunch on Thursday. Well, Hunter, let’s see how you like egg yolks all over your ass.   Hyde cackles, looks over at Jackie. She looks away.   HYDE: What, first you’re not coming, now you’re giving me the silent treatment? (to Fez) Talk about your win-win.   They both laugh. Jackie starts for the door to the living room. Hyde sighs, catches her by the arm, and turns her around.   HYDE (cont’d): Come on. This’ll be fun. We’re gonna be trespassing, vandalizing school property, and sticking it to the Man. It’s everything I’ve been trying to teach you, honey.   Jackie is not amused.   HYDE (cont’d): Jackie, this is what I do on the weekends, okay?   JACKIE:  Steven, we’re a couple now. Weekends aren’t just about what you do. They’re about what we do, together. And there’s a ballroom dance class at the rec center tonight, so you get rid of those eggs and put on a clean shirt!   HYDE: Ballroom dancing? I’d have to punch myself in the head just for walking into that class. Look, I made my plans, and I told you you could tag along. Are you in or out?   Jackie glares up at him; he glares back. She pushes past him and strolls out the patio door.   Hyde sighs and sits down at the kitchen table, where Fez is still counting eggs. He holds one up and nods approvingly.   FEZ: This one is for the quarterback. What he did, I am too much of a man to say. But when this egg reaches the place it is meant to reach... oh, he will know.   He stands up straighter as Hyde puts a hand over his shades.   CUT TO:   INT. DORM HALL – DAY   The University of Wisconsin campus. Visitors’ weekend may have drawn a lot of kids and parents, but it hasn’t inspired any spirit of cleanliness; Animal House would be proud of the state this place is in. Rock music wafts through the halls for good measure.   Red, Kitty, Eric, and Kelso enter through the front door. Eric and Kelso wander off immediately while Red and Kitty assess the situation from the doorway.   RED: What the hell kind of college is this? Barefoot hippies playing frisbee, barefoot hippies singing songs to trees...   Eric and Kelso find a section of wall to lean on, a section that happens to have a poster for CPR instructions.   KELSO: Man, this place is awesome. (points to poster) Look, they even have dirty cartoons on the wall.   ERIC: Kelso, those are CPR instructions.   DONNA: Wow, I’ve done CPR a lot.   A particularly filthy-looking college student approaches Red and Kitty, offers his hand – this is TED.   TED: Hi. I’m Ted, resident advisor.   He shakes Red and Kitty’s hands in turn.   KITTY: Hi.   ERIC: Why don’t you folks have a look around, and I’ll show the boys where they’re gonna be staying.   He crosses to Eric and Kelso. Red and Kitty start looking around in the opposite direction and find students passed out on couches.   RED: I don’t know about this place.   KITTY: I’ll say. It’s the middle of November. I don’t see any Thanksgiving decorations.   Over by the wall, Ted leans in and drops his voice.   TED: Visitors’ weekend is great. We always have a big dorm party. Tons of booze, tons of chicks.   Eric and Kelso share a grin and a high-five.   ERIC: Man, this place is great! It’s too bad Donna couldn’t make it...   A BOMBSHELL BLONDE, wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around her middle, walks past them.   ERIC (cont’d): Oh, my God, would you look at that?   KELSO: We just saw college butt! On a girl!   Of course, this is the time when Red walks over.   RED: (to Ted) Hold it. Girls live here too?   TED: Yes, sir. We’re co-ed.   ERIC/KELSO: Oh, yeah!/All right!   RED: That’s it! You’re staying with us at the motel.   He starts toward the door. Eric runs after him.   ERIC: Wait! Dad, wait. Think of what a valuable experience this could be for me. I mean, this is my first step into the real world. (claps Red’s shoulder) I’m your little bird, Dad. Give me wings to fly.   Red looks at Eric’s hand on his shoulder; Eric pulls it away.   RED: Butch it up and get in the car.   Eric sighs and obeys.   Kelso has wandered over to the girls’ restroom and cracked open the door.   KELSO: Excuse me, this is your CPR coach. I’m gonna need to check your lung capacities. (over his shoulder) That means their boobs.   He stops when he sees Red, not Eric, over his shoulder. Stone-faced Red takes Kelso by the arm and pulls him away.   FADE TO BLACK   COMMERCIAL   BUMPER   INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT   The Formans’ hotel for the weekend. Red sits on the edge of the bed with a map of UW while Eric and Kelso lie on cheap cots. Kelso is back at his football game.   RED: There’s got to be at least one all-male dormitory on this campus. Ah! Here it is, right between the chapel and the school of interior design.   Kitty, ready for bed, enters from the bathroom, just slightly tense and unsteady.   KITTY: Boys, um, I realize that, uh, I may have been a little irrational today.   KELSO: A little?   KITTY: SHUT UP! (takes deep breath) So, um, maybe now is a good time for me to explain a few things to you about menopause. And, um, lucky for you, I’m a nurse, so I can use the proper terms, like epithelial lining and uterine wall.   Eric groans, flips around, and buries his head into his pillow. Kelso just keeps playing his game. Kitty takes two small bars of soap from her robe pockets.   KITTY (cont’d): Okay, so, um, now, say these soaps are my ovaries. Okay, um, about a month ago, they stopped producing...   She loses her train of thought, thanks to the noise from Kelso’s game.   KITTY (cont’d): They stopped...   The game gets louder, and she loses it again.   KITTY (cont’d): Stopped producing...   And once more.   KITTY (cont’d): Oh, that’s it!   She reaches over, snatches the game from Kelso, and tosses it out the window.   KITTY (cont’d): (to Kelso) What is wrong with you? Were you dropped on your head?   Kelso gapes up at her; he’s never seen Mrs. Forman like this.   KELSO: Yes, I was. And up until now, everyone had the good grace not to mention it!   His bottom lip quivering, he throws himself down into his pillow.   Red sighs and stands.   RED: Okay, boys. Time to leave.   ERIC: YES!   He and Kelso scramble off the cots and out the door.   BUMPER   EXT. ROAD – NIGHT   Somewhere in Point Place, the El Camino cruises the streets. Hyde is at the wheel, Fez in the passengers’ seat, a bag loaded with egg cartons in his lap. “Pump it Up” by Elvis Costello plays on the radio. Hyde wears a deep frown, Fez an impatient mug.   FEZ: We’ve circled past the school three times already. We missed the end of the JV cheerleader practice. Let’s park this mamma and do this thing!   HYDE: Whatever.   FEZ: Oh. You’re still upset about Jackie.   HYDE: What the hell’s her deal, man? Before we were together, I brought her along on a few nights like this and she was up for it. So, now that we’re an “official couple” or whatever, she doesn’t wanna have fun?   FEZ: (tsks) Oh, Hyde. Poor, poor Hyde. Cool as you are, you know nothing of women.   Hyde gives Fez a dirty look, but he persists.   FEZ (cont’d): You made plans for the weekend without even consulting her. You cannot do this with a girlfriend. That’s a big step for you two. You do not want to do something special with your lady?   HYDE: I don’t know, man. I mean, I’ve been showing her the ropes on all this stuff for a while now, and I just figured -   FEZ: Hyde, have you been trying to make Jackie a-cool? (shakes his head) She is her own woman, orphan boy. You think whatever you want to do, if you snap, she comes? That is trouble. Just you wait, Henry Higgins.   HYDE: “Henry Higgins?”   FEZ: You know, from My Fair Lady.   Hyde stares blankly, not a clue what Fez means.   FEZ (cont’d): It was the school musical this year. I was Dancer Number Three.   More blank stares.   FEZ (cont’d): You told me you went to see it, you son of a bitch!   He turns away in a huff. Hyde sighs and turns the car around.   BUMPER   INT. DORM HALL – NIGHT   Ted’s promised party. As “Wheel in the Sky” by Journey blares over the radio, college students and visiting high schoolers dance, sample the keg, and make out. Kelso has a STATUESQUE BLONDE pinned up against the wall, near the CPR poster.   KELSO: (points to poster) I see UW has a pretty good CPR program. That’s gonna be my major.   She rolls her eyes at him and walks away.   Eric walks up the hall with a STRAWBERRY BLONDE, mid-conversation.   ERIC: So, I told my girlfriend, “we can go to separate schools.” I mean, people do that all the time, right?   STRAWBERRY BLONDE: Yeah. I mean, my boyfriend goes to school in New York, and we’ve been together for three years, and we’re in love now more than ever.   ERIC: Of course you are. And I bet, when you two get together, it’s like a thunderstorm, right?   Ted walks up behind them and snakes an arm around the strawberry blonde’s waist.   TED: Hey, pretty lady.   She leans into him, and they start making out.   ERIC: (to blonde) Excuse me, hello? Didn’t you just say you had a boyfriend?   SRAWBERRY BLONDE: Yeah. But he’s not here.   She takes Ted by the hand and leads him away.   Eric, dazed, crosses over to Kelso, who is once again looking into the girls’ bathroom.   ERIC: Did you just see that? I told Donna we could go to different schools, and I was extremely wrong, and... man, if she doesn’t hate Marquette, we’re screwed.   KELSO: Who cares, Eric? There’s a bunch of these college chicks sharing a shower!   He turns back to the bathroom. Eric throws his hands up and walks away.   BUMPER   INTERCUT - INT. MARQUETTE/INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT   A row of payphones on the wall. Donna is on one of them.   DONNA: Eric? Is everything okay?   Eric, on the other end of the call, sitting by the nightstand while Red sits near the head of the bed and Kitty on the end. Kitty tries to hold in tears as she watches television.   ERIC: (into phone) Yeah, everything’s fine. I just want to see how you like Marquette. And, can I just say, if that snooty switchboard operator’s attitude is any indication of the Marquette experience, then I can only assume we’re crossing Marquette off the list right now.   DONNA: No, actually, it’s great. Okay, they have this English professor. He wears a beret and wears a corduroy jacket, but he listens to Zeppelin!   ERIC: Uh, yeah, well, UW has a vending machine, so... (beat) Donna, I love you.   DONNA: I love you too. Bye.   She hangs up, walks off.   Eric sets the phone back on the receiver just as Kitty breaks out into full-on tears.   RED: (to Eric) You gonna cry now too?   KITTY: You know who had a real family? The Waltons. We’re just three strangers sitting in a room!   She tosses her tissue aside and heads into the bathroom.   ERIC: Donna loves it there. I don’t know what to do.   RED: (to Eric) There’s nothing any of us can do. We’re all screwed. You think I like being stuck here, nursing my lunatic wife back from the brink? Hell, no. But we can’t control what happens to us. Even if, by some stroke of luck, you actually hang on to Donna, eventually she’s gonna turn into that. (points to the bathroom door) And then, a few years later, you’ll die.   ERIC: (beat) Okay, thanks for the bedtime story.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – NIGHT   The basement is empty, the lights all out. The lock clicks, the basement door opens, and Hyde and Fez step in, hitting the lights as they enter. Fez still has his bag of eggs.   They make it halfway to the couch when Jackie comes out from Hyde’s room.   JACKIE: Hello, Steven.   Hyde and Fez both jump. Fez throws his bag up, and it lands behind him with the sound of many cracking shells.   FEZ: Ai.   Hyde looks over at Jackie.   HYDE: Jackie? Did Forman finally give you a key?   JACKIE: No.   HYDE: Then how’d you get in here?   She holds up a bobby pin and wiggles it around before placing it back in her hair. Hyde shrugs and takes a step toward her.   HYDE (cont’d): Look, Jackie, I know you wanted to spend Saturday night together, and I kind of blew you off, so... we’re not doing the egg thing, so if you wanna go -   JACKIE: No, no, Steven. Look, you are an independent man set in his ways, and you’ve never had a girlfriend before. You’ve never been shown how to obey one.   Hyde shakes his head, “are you kidding me?”   JACKIE (cont’d): But I’ve thought about it, and I think I’ve found a way we can spend Saturday night together that combines what you like and what I like.   She goes to the record player and drops the needle. “Ballroom Blitz” by Sweet comes on. Jackie smiles up at Hyde and begins dancing in place. He shrugs and nods.   HYDE:  Not bad.   JACKIE: I know, right? And...   She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small paper bag. She tosses it to Hyde, who knows exactly what it is.   HYDE: This is my stash.   JACKIE: Yeah, I thought you’d have a better hiding place for it than an old shirt pocket.   She dances her way over to Hyde, stopping right in front of him. He looks down at her, grinning ear to ear.   HYDE: I think a special night deserves a special treat.   CUT TO:   MONTAGE. SET TO “BALLROOM BLITZ.”   A) FORMAN KICHEN - Hyde, in Kitty’s silly-looking oven mitts, mixes up a big bowl of brownie mix. Jackie, at his side, sticks her finger into the batter and gets a taste.   BALLROOM BLITZ (v.o.): It was like lightning...   B) FORMAN KITCHEN – Hyde lifts the finished tray of brownies out of the oven as Jackie watches (as best she can) over his shoulder.   BALLROOM BLITZ (v.o.): Everybody was fighting...   C) FORMAN KITCHEN – Overhead on the kitchen table as Hyde slices the brownies up.   BALLROOM BLITZ (v.o.): And the music was soothing...   D) FORMAN KITCHEN – Hyde and Jackie each have a brownie. They link arms, smile at each other, and each take a big bite.   BALLROOM BLITZ (v.o.): And they all started grooving...   E) Extreme close-up on Jackie’s eyes, then Hyde’s behind his shades, as the “special ingredient” kicks in.   F) FORMAN KITCHEN – Hyde and Jackie sit together, their heads leaned against one another, their mouths set in spacey smiles, as the walls spin around them with the effects of the brownies.   BALLROOM BLITZ (v.o.): Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah!   G) FORMAN KITCHEN – HIGH SPEED. HAND-HELD. WIDE ANGLE. Jackie and Hyde stand before an open freezer, taking shots of whipped cream straight from the can into their mouths.   BALLROOM BLITZ (v.o.): And the man in the back...   H) FORMAN LIVING ROOM – HIGH SPEED. The couch, the coffee table, and Red’s chair are all shoved back out of the way, leaving room for Hyde and Jackie to do a wild dance all over the floor.   BALLROOM BLITZ (v.o.): ... Said “everyone attack” And it turned into a ballroom blitz!   I) FORMAN BEDROOM – HIGH SPEED. Jackie sits at Kitty’s nightstand, admiring her reflection. She has on Hyde’s sunglasses. He enters the room, surprising her. He lunges when he sees her with his shades, but she jumps up, dodges, and runs out of the room, giggling, as Hyde gives chase.   BALLROOM BLITZ (v.o.): And the girl in the corner Said “boy, I wanna warn ya...”   J) FORMAN BASEMENT – HIGH SPEED. Hyde comes charging down the stairs with Jackie slung over his shoulder. She still wears his shades. They race right past Fez, who has been standing around in the basement for this entire montage. They almost make it to Hyde’s room when he sets Jackie down. The two of them run to Fez, each grab an arm, and shoo him out the basement door. Hyde locks it behind him. He and Jackie nod and shake hands before he picks her back up and carries her to his room.   BALLROOM BLITZ (v.o.): “It’ll turn into a ballroom blitz!” Ballroom blitz! Ballroom blitz! Ballroom blitz! Ballroom blitz!   BUMPER   EXT. FORMAN KITCHEN - DAY   The next day, late afternoon. The Vista Cruiser rests in the parking lot. Red and Eric unload the car as Kitty steps out and stretches. She’s all smiles, in a wonderful mood; she’s the only one.   KITTY: What a wonderful weekend! We should go away more often!   Laughing, she heads into the house. Red, looking one step from death, turns to Eric.   RED: They’ve gotta make a pill for this.   He follows Kitty inside.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – DAY   The place is a mess. The mixing bowl is out with the spoon inside, the decimated tray of brownies is still on the table, the whipped cream can is on the floor, and bags, boxes, cans, and pans of half-eaten snacks are everywhere.   Red and Kitty just start to take it all in when a yawning Hyde comes up from the basement in an open bathrobe and sweatpants.   RED: Steven! What the hell is all this?   Hyde freezes mid-step.   HYDE: (beat) The folly of prohibition is what it is! You take away beer, you see what happens.   Red rolls his eyes as Kitty takes another wide-eyed look around the room.   CUT TO:   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – DAY   Eric finishes unloading the Vista Cruiser. Donna comes up the driveway.   DONNA: Hi.   ERIC: Okay. I know you love Marquette, and you know what? I’ve made my peace with that. So if that means that we’re going to go to separate schools, and drift apart, and make out with guys named Ted, then that’s just the way it’s gonna have to be, because you’re gonna get menopause, and I’m gonna die, and we can’t control anything that happens to us!   DONNA: (beat) I’m not going to Marquette.   ERIC: Well, then, never mind.   They sit down on the open back of the car.   DONNA: I mean... Eric, I loved it, and when I was driving home, I was so excited to tell you about it. And then the drive took forever. And I realized that’s how far away I’d be from you all the time. And I don’t want that. So I’ll just tell my dad I want to go to UW with you.   ERIC: Donna, you have no idea how happy you just made me.   DONNA: Eric, this is gonna be great! We’re gonna be together all the time!   ERIC: Ooh. Um, you’re not gonna get all clingy, right?   DONNA: (laughing) Shut up!   ERIC: No, come on, I’m gonna be a big college man.   DONNA: Uh-huh.   ERIC: I’m gonna need my space.   They share another laugh and scoot closer together on the car.   FADE TO BLACK   CREDITS   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – DAY   Another day. Kitty dries the dishes by the sink while Red watches her from the island. Kelso enters through the patio door, another envelope pinned to his jacket.   RED: (to Kelso) What do you want?   KELSO: Once again, the explanation is pinned to my lapel.   Red takes a note from the envelope.   RED: (reading) “Dear Mr. and Mrs. Forman, please give Michael thirty dollars for the game you threw out the window and broke. Signed, my parents.”   Kitty lets out a big laugh and retreats to the living room.   RED: (beat) Well, you made her laugh. That’s worth thirty bucks.   He pulls out some bills and drops them into Kelso’s envelope.   END.

***

The only additional change we should assume for Season 5 in this timeline is that the changeover to 1978 happens in episode 5-10 [according to production order], "The Crunge."

Well, we made it into Season 5, and we're past the point where there are any major continuity issues to address. The goal of keeping the Zen story going after "Jackie Bags Hyde" and syncing back into the show's established timeline is met, and so we're done here.

...Or are we?

[bluecoloreddreams]

Hey, I love your TsukiYama fics, they are so good!!!... and some of them are so sad. But I was wondering, if Yama and Tsukki takes Himawari to her biological parents greaves and explains the situation that got them to adopt her when she is old enough to understand. I like to think that Yama tell his late cousin how their daughter is doing

Oh, thank you!!! So, at first, I was gonna answer this with just like, an author comment, but I can do you better than that: 

It’s April again. Time and time again, the spring opens up, cool air mixing into something warm as the cherry blossoms open, replacing the snow with pink drifts of petals. 

It’s time for change. They shift from wool coats to felted ones; Tadashi layers his shirts, long-sleeve, short-sleeve, jacket. They open the windows and doors, shooing out the last dregs of winter. The dog goes to the groomer. The cat gets cornered in the bathroom trying to run away from the flea collar. Uniforms get bought in a different size, one grade’s ribbon exchanged for another. 

There’s a house, now, in the suburbs of Sendai. A house that’s big enough for them all to spread and grow. The hot water works; the paint is new; there’s a laundry room and the door never sticks in its hinges. There’s a garden, a ramshackle thing with wildflowers and tomatoes and once, corn, straight from the bird feeder (before the cat got the bird, which was a traumatic experience all around). 

Tadashi tugs a brush through his hair, mouth full of bobby pins, trying to decide the most reputable way to style his hair. At the clinic, no one really cares what their vet’s hair looks like, as long as he does his job correctly. At home, no one cares either, because if it’s not loose or in a bun, it’s done up in some odd experimental style or another, complete with Hello Kitty scrunchies. His family, on the other hand… 

They’ve relaxed in the last few years, considerably. Extended family, not so much, but this is the only time of year he really sees them anymore. 

He sighs and pins his bangs back into his ponytail, figuring it will just have to do. He straightens his tie, a silk thing borrowed from Kei with dinosaurs printed up and down the length of it, and if it’s a little bit ridiculous to wear to a seven-year memorial service, then that’s just how it’ll be. 

He hears the car pull up, and he slips from the bathroom to pad down the stairs just in time to be nearly barreled over by the dog on one side and a flying mass of pigtails and rumpled school uniform on the other. 

He hoists Himawari up, groaning as he spins her around. Eight is probably too old to be carrying her around like he did when she was two, but hours and hours of picking up heavier dogs than her allows him a little more flexibility about it. 

“Woah there, you look like you rolled down a hill,” Tadashi says, setting her down. 

Kei clicks his tongue at the doorway, leaning down to take his shoes off, holding Himawari’s loafers in his hand. “Tell your papa,” he says, sounding amused. 

“Uh.” 

Tadashi closes his eyes and counts to five. “Himawari-chan, what did you do now?” 

“Sora-chan said I couldn’t have three dads and a mom so I pushed her down the playground slide but she grabbed me,” Himawari says, eyes decidedly not meeting Tadashi’s, suddenly very interested in petting Tikachu the Dog. 

Tadashi groans, kneeling down so he’s eye-to-eye with his daughter. “We don’t push,” he says. “You know that.” 

Himawari looks away from Tadashi, fidgeting with the ends of her pigtails. “She was being mean, and she said bad things about you and dad, so I pushed her.” 

“Show your dad,” Kei says, a smirk barely concealed. His arms are crossed as he leans in the doorway, eyes glinting behind his glasses. 

Himawari tips her head back and opens her mouth and Tadashi flinches. “Okay, well! That’s, uh, great! Please close your mouth,” he says, wrinkling his nose at the sight of a missing molar. “Kei, please tell me you have it.” 

“Mm. We also have to go buy new stockings,” Kei adds like he’s being helpful. 

“Okay! Okay, we’ll address this in a moment!” Tadashi says, standing up with a clap. “Himawari-chan, how about you go get changed while daddy and I talk?” 

“Am I in trouble?” 

Tadashi shoots Kei a look, who shrugs and spreads his hands out. “You let Nishinoya and Tanaka babysit her growing up, that’s not on me,” he says. 

“We’ll talk about fighting later,” Tadashi says. “You can’t fistfight everyone who thinks our family is a little odd, Himawari-chan.” 

“Yeah but,” Himawari starts, scowling and ducking her chin into the collar of her uniform. “You are my real dads.” 

Tadashi grins then, leaning back up against Kei as he steps up out of the entry. “You’re right,” he says, throat tight as Himawari flashes a toothy grin and flits up the stairs to her bedroom. 

“You suck at discipline,” Kei drawls. “And tying ties. Turn around.” 

Tadashi turns dutifully, smoothing his fingers over Kei’s shoulders, tapping the sunflower-embossed pin on his lapel. “Keeping that on?” 

“I’m always up for intimidating idiots,” Kei drawls, undoing Tadashi’s tie, eyes focused at the other man’s throat. “I go to pick her up and find her in the nurses’ office with a piece of ice and skinned knees and a referral. They were going on about no tolerance until they saw my pin. It was déjà vu.” 

“It was because of that project,” Tadashi sighs. “When school started the new term, when you were away at that conference in Tokyo, she did a family history project.” 

“I see,” Kei says, looping Tadashi’s tie expertly. “Where’s your blazer?” 

“By the door,” Tadashi answers. “I guess the other little girl is new to the school or to the class. Was she hurt?” 

“No, her mother ran into me in the parking lot, actually. She was nice,” Kei says offhandedly. He reaches up and tugs a piece of Tadashi’s bangs free, tucking it gently behind his ear. “There you go.” 

“Did you make Himawari apologize?” 

“What do you take me for?” Kei scoffs. 

“A sucker,” Tadashi snickers, ducking when Kei reaches out to ruffle his hair. He reaches out and grabs his blazer from the peg by the door, shrugging it on as Himawari comes thudding down the hallway in her black dress and tights, pigtails a bit lopsided as she grabs Tadashi’s outstretched hand. 

Kei takes her other hand, and they both hold her up as she shoves her feet into her obnoxiously sparkly pink boots. 

“Daddy got sunflowers,” she tells Tadashi. “He said I could have one.” 

“I did not,” Kei snorts. “She stole one out of the bouquet.” 

“They’re for my mommy and daddy,” Himawari protests. “One of them needs to be from me.” 

“She’s right,” Tadashi points out, letting Himawari tug free of his hand and skip towards the car. 

Kei rolls his eyes as Tadashi steps into his shoes. “And you wonder why she’s spoiled,” he complains. 

“Oh, no, I know exactly why,” Tadashi laughs. 

“Come on!” Himawari cries, tugging at the door handle. “Come oooon! We’re gonna go see my other parents!” 

Maybe it was wrong to be so open about Kana and her husband with Himawari from such a young age, or how hard they had to fight to adopt her. But they never wanted to hide it from her, never wanted her to feel like she’d been unwanted or left behind, so they told her in ways she could understand, took her to the graves and set up a shrine in the house and taught her how to leave food and flowers, how to say the prayers. They gave her Kana’s journals, with her tiny footprint and lock of hair; they gave her her father’s rock collection and taught her the names of the tiny gemstones in it. They tried to teach her in the hopes that she could grow and be happy and learn. 

April always brought changes, and not all of them good. Every year, Tadashi grapples with how he can be so thankful for something so awful, and he prays. He prays to apologize, to thank, to hope that he’s raising Himawari in the same loving way that his cousin would have. That she always meets their memory with a thankfulness and desire to love them without knowing them. That he and Kei can be the parents that she needs, that they can grow together, until the next time the petals fall. 

[justjessame]

Diamonds Are A Boy’s Best Friend Chapter 13

I took my time choosing the outfit I would wear on my ‘date’ with Sol. I was in the silk dressing gown that matched my nightgown, my hair pinned the way I’d watched the stylist had to create the style a day earlier, searching for a dress I was certain I still had. I almost missed the knock, but called out just loud enough for Lily to hear. She came in giggling.

“What are you doing?” She draped herself across my bed and watched as I struggled to find the dress.

“Looking for one blasted-” I muttered several curse words and then gave a hoot of triumph. “THIS.” I pulled it from the closet and showed her the dress. “What do you think?”

“I think you stole that design from Elizabeth Taylor,” she answered with a smile. “Sol’s not going to stand a chance.”

I studied the dress, happy to see it wasn’t wrinkled or that the delicate overlay hadn’t ripped. “I think Sol will be fine.” I took a closer look at the lace covered bodice, making certain it was still perfect. “Now, shoes.” It was an easier task by far to choose the shoes. I took one look at the heels with straps slashed across them and smiled. “Just right.”

“You act like you’re preparing for war.” Lily offered, watching as I made sure the dress was hung flawlessly from the closet door.

I sat down at my vanity and began my evening makeup. A hint darker on my eyes, darker lips, heavier perfume. Required for dinner and dancing. “Isn’t it?” I was working on my eyeliner, one eye closed and I could see her studying me in the mirror with my open one. “Dating is like a battle. You have to have a plan. You need to wear the right uniform. And you definitely need to have a goal.”

“Sounds like too much work to me.” She sighed and I laughed as I moved on to my other eye.

“Depends on the end goal honestly.” I finished the eyeliner and checked to be certain my eyes were symmetrical. “If I was actually husband hunting, then I’d have picked a more modest dress. Less is more and why buy the cow and all that.” I filled in my brow, seeing that I had Lily captivated with my explanation.

“And if you aren’t husband hunting, you go full Liz Taylor?” She asked, on her stomach, but propped up on her elbows.

“If I’m not husband hunting, then I must be looking for a way to make sure that future husband never has a reason to think the grass is greener somewhere else.” I smiled at her wide eyes. “Practice makes perfect, Lily. And I DO know who Bettie Page is, after all.”

“Did they teach that at school?” I laughed, a real true laugh.

“Some things a girl has to find out on her own, Lily.” I lined my lips and leaned closer to the mirror to make sure none of the liner clumped in the corners. Satisfied, I chose the darkest lipstick I owned, a true deep Cabernet color. Once that was finished, I started unpinning my hair. “Finishing school teaches a lady which fork to use. You’re taught how to keep the maids on task, and how to NOT anger your cook so they’re tempted to ruin your meals. Oral sex doesn’t come up in the curriculum.”

Lily grinned at me. “Why did you take your education-”

“To the next level?” I sighed, my fingers working without thought. “I saw my classmates’ parents come to school looking as though they were strangers. I heard my classmates talk about affairs and divorces. Why bother with all of that if you can head it off from the first?” She nodded her understanding. “During summer breaks, when I was travelling with whichever chaperone Father hired for me, I’d go dancing and see the interest in men’s eyes. Finally I decided, what the hell, and gave in.”

“Was it terrible?” I considered it. “I mean, my first time was just-” she looked bored at the very idea of it.

“It wasn’t earth shattering, but Max was careful and he made sure the second time more than made up for it.” And the third, fourth, and fifth I added in my head.

“Max?” I chuckled. “Where would you meet a ‘Max’ in Europe?”

“France. His first name was Maxime.” I smiled at the memory of his dark hair and eyes. His broad shoulders and the way his hands could feel like they were branding my skin.

“Your first time was in France?” I nodded. “Guess that’s why Paris is the city of love.” I shook my head and my grin grew.

“I’m not sure about love, but he certainly gave me an introduction into making it.” I had moved on to putting my curls in place. Arranging them so they looked exactly how I wanted them to. “Then there was Jack in Edinburg, Liam in Dublin, and Edward in London.” A few one night stands on the coast of France, a fling or two here and there along the way. I met her eyes in the mirror and nearly bit my lip at her shock. “What?”

“Did you get souvenirs too, or just sex?” I gave in and laughed at that.

“Who needs a postcard when you can have an orgasm?” And that set her off on her own tide of giggles.

 I was putting the finishing touches when I heard the doorbell. Lily had left, saying she wanted to see the full effect when I walked downstairs. Almost like a real mother, I thought, if only she wasn’t three years younger than me.

Grabbing my clutch and taking a final look in the mirror I went downstairs to greet my date. Sol looked amazingly unconcerned about being in the foyer of Ben “The Butcher” Diamond’s house. That was a good sign. I took the stairs carefully, seeing Lily’s eyes light up when she saw the total package I’d put together.

“Sol,” I greeted as my feet touched the floor of the foyer. “You look very handsome tonight.” He’d worn his glasses, which had made seeing my entrance easier I hoped. He was smiling as he took in my dress and the rest of me.

“Miss Diamond,” I mouthed ‘Liz’ to him and I would swear he blushed. “Liz, you look stunning.”

“Doesn’t she though,” I stifled a scream at my father’s appearance. “You look absolutely breathtaking, sweetheart.” He kissed my temple and I forced a smile back on my face. “Take care of my girl, Mr. Drucker. Be sure to show her a good time.” If there were ever two statements that could be taken together in a very dirty way, he’d used them.

Sol held the door open for me, then the car door, and as we started down the drive, I asked where we’d be having our date. Another scream built when he said the Miramar.

 He’d reserved a table that was a little more private and for that I was grateful. Maybe in this out of the way spot, Ike wouldn’t see us and come over. After ordering, we settled in for small talk.

“Do you like working here?” I asked, curious about what Ike was like as a boss.

He was taking a drink from his glass when I posed my question, but after swallowing he nodded. “Yeah, it beats digging ditches.” I smiled at his little joke. “In all seriousness, working at the hotel is never dull.” I raised an eyebrow. “You never know who you’ll see or meet just crossing the lobby.”

“You flirt.” I sipped at my wine. “What exactly do you do here?”

And that gave him the room to go and expand, and keep going. Marketing wasn’t nearly as entertaining to me as it was to Sol, but I listened as close as I could even as I felt Ike’s gaze fall on me.

“I almost had to cancel tonight,” that brought me back to the conversation at hand. I must have looked shocked because he went on. “The boss wanted me to work over, we have so many events planned, he’s been high strung with making sure everything goes according to plan.”

“I’m glad you didn’t cancel.” I offered, thinking that Ike was taking the jealousy a tad too far for a married man.

“I promised to come in tomorrow.” He smiled. “Nothing would make me miss our date, Liz.”

I felt Ike’s gaze, burning as hot as the sun, and glanced to my left. He LOOKED like he was checking on a large party nearby, but his eyes kept flicking to our table. “Could you excuse me for a moment, Sol?” He nodded with a smile. “I need to powder my nose.”

I walked through the dining room, knowing I had two sets of eyes trained on me. I stepped into the lobby and took a deep breath. Then, a few heartbeats later, he was beside me. “Liz.”

“Ike.” I didn’t look at him, but when he started on the route to his office, I followed.

The door had barely closed behind me when his hands were pulling me to him. “This dress,” he breathed and then his mouth was on mine and words ceased to matter. His tongue danced with mine and I knew it beat whatever dance Sol had planned for after dinner. Ike had my back pressed against his desk and I wondered when we moved, but then his hands were at the hem of the skirt of my dress and I knew what he was planning.

“Ike,” I warned, pulling away from his kiss. “We can’t.”

“I think you’ll find that we CAN.” He was sliding the fabric up, his fingertips burning through the silk of my stockings. “I want you to go back to dinner, reeking of me.” I was gasping as his mouth found my neck. As he nipped, I nearly ordered him to be careful of leaving marks, but then his hands were lifting me onto the desk. “I want Sol to smell the sex on you, Liz.” His tongue was checking my pulse, and I knew he felt how fast it was pounding. “Sex and ME.” And then he pushed my underwear aside and I was left wondering when he had pulled himself free from his own pants because he was inside of me before I heard another noise. “You’re already soaked, Liz.” He wasn’t being gentle and I hoped he’d locked the door because he knew how loud I could get. “Is that because of Sol?” My fingernails were digging into the arms of his jacket. “Or me?”

“You,” I managed to moan. “Just you.”

It didn’t take long. We didn’t have the time, but we most certainly made the best of what little we had. I was panting into his jacket, as he slowly went limp and withdrew from me. “Liz?” I looked up my hands still clutching his lapels. “What is THIS?” I shook my head. “Is it just sex?” I couldn’t meet his eyes anymore. “Liz, please.”

“What do you want me to say, Ike?” I finally met his eyes again. “That I love you?” His hands were cupping my face as he stared into my eyes. “Would it matter?”

I didn’t give him a chance to answer. I brushed his hands away and lowered myself from his desk. Putting myself back to rights with my back to him, I sighed. “Liz?”

“Goodnight, Ike.” I left, afraid to look back. Afraid of what I’d see.

 I begged off from drinks and dancing with Sol. A headache. Terrible pain. And he dropped me off barely two hours after he’d picked me up. No one greeted me, and I was grateful again. Because I wasn’t sure what expression I wore and until I could put myself back to true rights, I didn’t want to talk to anyone.

[waddingham]

11 and david/patrick :D

11. “Wow, you look…amazing.”

(as soon as i read this prompt it sounded 100% like sarcasm so ill bet you can guess which of these i wrote first lmao anyway !!!! any excuse for some wedding fluff!)

i.

Finally, they have a moment alone.

The entire morning has been bustling with activity; last minute this and don’t forget that. He’s ready to scream when Patrick appears in the door of his room, clearing everyone out with a single command.

David watches as his room empties out until he can finally lay eyes on Patrick.

His groom. The thought sends butterflies through his center.

Patrick crosses the room to him. They had decided on a simple light gray suit for Patrick that fit so well David couldn’t wait to take it off of him. His hair has grown out just enough to curl. He’s all put together with dark navy tie and cream rose boutonniere, topped with an aura of happiness so bright he is practically shining.

He is an absolute vision and David’s heart skips at the sight.

“Wow. Patrick, you look…wow.”

Patrick smooths his tie with one hand, the other sinking deeper into his pocket as he smiles bashfully. “May I remind you you’ve seen this suit before? You helped choose it.”

“Yes, but…this is…” David’s mouth twists as he tries to put into words how stunning he looks. “Amazing. You look amazing.”

“Thank you.” He says it softly with great fondness in his voice. “Now why aren’t you ready?”

“Because no one will leave me alone? I just need my tie and rose.” He spins around to grab his tie. When he turns back Patrick is only a step away, reaching for the tie.

“May I?” Patrick slides it from his hands and lays it over his forearm as he reaches up to lift David’s collar.

David watches Patrick’s face, intent on his task. A little crease appears between his brow as if he were touching up a Michelangelo.

David’s suit, of course, is traditional black, but the tie is pale gray to match Patrick’s suit. Patrick had suggested a dark blue boutonniere to match his tie, but David was insistent on roses and unnaturally colored flowers are, apparently, tacky and unacceptable.

Patrick finishes the tie and smooths David’s suit, then takes the cream rose and pins it to his lapel. Patrick steps back to take him in. He presses his hand to his lips as he looks at him. He smiles wide beneath his fingertips as he nods vigorously.

David strikes a dramatic pose for him and Patrick laughs.

Patrick steps to him again and takes David’s face in his hands. “I’m so glad I only have to wait –” he makes a show of looking at his watch-less wrist – “10 more minutes to marry you.”

David grins wide, “How lucky for us.”

ii.

“Wow, you look…amazing.”

“Okay. Thanks so much,” David starts to close the motel door in Patrick’s face. He must’ve gotten the story from someone, either Dad’s long-winded, self-exonerating version or Alexis’ mocking, not-very-explanatory version. Hopefully, it was Stevie’s moderately accurate version…

Patrick puts a hand out and steps in, not needing much effort to stop David’s half-hearted shut out. “Babe, relax. You’d be gorgeous in clown makeup.”

“We’re gonna bring that up right now? Really? When I look like I live in a dungeon?” Patrick suppresses a laugh. “If you think you are being supportive in this trying time of mine, the door is right there.”

Patrick drops his grocery bag on David’s bed and turns to him, gripping his hips and pulling him close. David tries to back away. “I don’t think… is this contagious?”

“No, it’s not contagious,” Patrick says. David relaxes into his embrace, letting Patrick kiss him carefully.

“What’s in the bag?” David peeks over Patrick’s shoulder.

Patrick spins and starts pulling things out. “Some poison oak soap, ice cream, Ivarest, calamine lotion.”

“Really buried the lead there. What flavor?”

Patrick lifts the calamine lotion in his hand. “Calamine.”

David just glares at him and swipes the ice cream off the bed. Moose tracks. God bless this man.

“Thank you.”

Patrick kisses his unblemished cheek. “Of course.”

iii. 

“Patrick, Patrick, Patrick,” David breathes against his lips, their noses pressed together swallowing each other’s moans, gasps, sighs.

David pulls back enough to take in Patrick’s face and the sight undoes him. Patrick is glowing, neck taut and lips parted. His eyes are dark chocolate and hooded, his brow creased.

David stops moving and Patrick whines softly, “Babe?”

“Hold on, hold on,” David lifts up and gazes down at him, breathing heavily.

“What is it? Are you okay?” Patrick presses his hand to David’s cheek.

David nods, “I’m just – you…” He takes a deep breath. “You’re amazing. You – you look amazing.”

A smile lights Patrick’s face as he pulls David down to kiss him.

iv.

“Let’s go get breakfast.”

Every week David blesses the small town tradition of stores being closed on Sundays. The first strings of sunlight are pouring through the window, spilling across Patrick’s duvet and the stray uncovered leg. They’ve both woken early and lay tangled together, watching dust motes float through the light.

David nuzzles into Patrick’s collarbone. “Should probably stay in. After last night, by the time I get myself presentable it will be dinner time.”

Patrick pulls out from beneath David to look at him, side by side. He pretends to scrutinize him from his hair to his collarbones. David rolls his eyes.

“Well,” he leans across and kisses his forehead, “after careful consideration,” then his nose, “I think you look amazing.” He closes his lips over David’s twisted grin. They both let the kiss linger, having the entire day to kill.

“I should hope so, because all of this,” gesturing to his wild hair and hickeyed neck and naked torso, “is your doing.”

Patrick grins at him. “There are literally no circumstances under which you would not be the most beautiful person on the planet. That’s just a fact of life.” The sincerity of his voice undermines the teasing smile on his face.

David is unable to hold back a million watt smile. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I’ll buy you a stack of pancakes and a chocolate croissant if you can be ready in 5 minutes.”

David squeezes his eyes shut as though the decision agonizes him. “Fine.”

Given the word, Patrick leaps up and sprints toward the bathroom yelling, “I get the bathroom first!”

“Asshole,” David calls as he rolls his face into Patrick’s pillow.

v.

David was very, very right in looking forward to shedding Patrick’s suit from his body. The sight of his groom, tie gone, shirt buttons half undone, rose still pinned to his coat is a sight to behold. “Babe,” he says, looking at him from the edge of the bed where Patrick has just sat down. “You’re my husband.”

Patrick goes a little soft. “I am,” he says, taking David’s hand. “And you are my husband.”

David sits next to him and kisses him gently, holding his face in his hands.

“It looks very good on you. The whole husband, marriage, lifetime commitment thing,” Patrick says it jokingly but he’s right; David is lit from within, smile more glorious and shameless than Patrick has ever seen.

“You should see yourself,” David says, looking him up and down appreciatively. “Amazing.”

Patrick gets even more antsy at his look, “So were we gonna consummate this marriage or –” He cuts off with a laugh when David pushes him back onto the bed.

[menswearmusings]

Do Yourself a Favor and Get a Decent Tie Rack From Dapper Woodworks—A Free Product Review

I don’t wear a tie everyday, and I don’t have a ton of ties, but the storage solution I had for the roughly 20 ties I do have was annoying and lame. Buying a better tie rack just wasn’t a high priority for me, and thus, my ties hung on a roughly $12 hanging contraption from T.J. Maxx. It made me very, very sad.

My sad T.J.Maxx tie rack.

Enter Dapper Woodworks. The man behind the company, Justin Trewitt, has been at this for two years as a side job to help create some supplemental income for his family while simultaneously engaging his interests in woodworking and menswear. As with many business ideas, his started when he wanted a way to store his pocket squares, so he just made his own. He realized perhaps other men facing the same situation would be interested in such a product, and soon he was selling on Etsy. His product selections now include shoe horns, coat hooks, collar stay organizers, the aforementioned pocket square organizers and of course, tie racks.

Justin asked me whether I would like to have one of his custom-made tie racks in order to give my impressions and give an honest review of it (note my free product policy here. TL;DR I keep my opinions honest and don’t accept free stuff in exchange for positive coverage). I measured my closet, and since he does custom-sized racks in addition to the standard stock sizes, asked for a 20-inch rack, which he told me stores 37 ties—way more than I currently have, so I’ve got room to grow. Since it was a custom size, I got to choose the wood, peg metal and whether it had the optional top shelf. Ultimately, I picked walnut with brass pegs, with the top shelf included, which I figured might help a little bit with dust, but also provide a nice spot to store a couple belts, silk knots, collar stays and whatever else.

He set to work immediately, posting progress images on his Instagram. Within about a week, he’d finished it and was ready to s—oh no! He messaged me to say he’d accidentally made it 18 inches long, not 20. Being super apologetic, he remade the 20 inch one within a few days, and it was on its way to me.

For this type of product, it’s very simple to determine whether it’s great: Is it real hard wood, not composite? Yes. Is it sturdily constructed? Yes. Are the cuts on the wood smooth, without jagged edges? Yes. The joints are fitly joined together, the stain is even, the pegs are secure and perfectly spaced. And he’s also put the next level of fit and finish into the installation aspect. On the back are keyhole slots, just as you’d find on any professionally made wooden shelf. Included in the box is a mounting guide, but instead of a flimsy piece of paper, it’s a full-length piece of wood with holes drilled in it at the exact spacing of the keyholes. Leveling it is a breeze, the three-dimensional wood taking the uncertainty out of whether or not a piece of paper was perfectly flat against the wall.

You could probably find all of those aspects in a mass produced, ugly tie rack from Container Store for less money, just as you can also get a mass produced, cheap tie from The Tie Bar for less money than a Drake’s tie, and it’ll accomplish the utilitarian aspect of the product. But what DW is doing is vastly superior in almost every aspect: it’s much more aesthetically pleasing; you can choose from half a dozen beautiful wood grains and multiple peg styles; you know who is making it and that you’re supporting him provide for his family; and now, even better, he has begun donating a portion of every month’s sales to a nonprofit that provides education, food and medical care for children in need.

In all, it’s an excellent product befitting a fine tie collection, the pedigree of which is sterling.

That said, the price seemed really high to me, especially at first. The standard 18-inch wide tie rack starts at $140 without the shelf, and $190 with.

But, like, a single Drake’s tie is $150. On sale, you can maybe score it for $75.

This $200 tie rack holds 37 ties.

Given how sad and lame most tie storage solutions are, it’s an absolute no-brainer for someone who has a collection of beautiful ties, and who also would like to store their clothing in a way that isn’t sad. That is, if you’re trying to use wide-shouldered hangers, decent garment bags, and shoe trees in your shoes, a tie rack makes perfect sense.

My recommendation

Measure your own space and get a rack that makes sense. The 18-inch will likely fit most spaces and holds enough ties for most guys, I’d guess. I 100% recommend the top shelf. It keeps dust off the ties and is a useful spot to put things like his lapel pins or belts or artwork. I love the walnut finish, and the brass pegs make it feel masculine. Use code MM10 for 10% off.

So there’s my review: the solid hardwood Dapper Woodworks tie rack is an excellent product that gives me immense pleasure, and which exceeded my expectations in how easily Justin makes the mounting aspect. The quality is very high, being profesionally built and using materials I am confident putting my finely made ties on.

I temporarily installed the rack for the photoshoot below, because getting this rack actually inspired me to do a DIY renovation on my real closet, but I didn’t have time to get that finished before the deadline to publish this review.

I asked Justin a few questions about his background, the origin of Dapper Woodworks and what he plans next. You can check it out in full below.

GET 10% OFF YOUR DAPPER WOODWORKS ORDER USING CODE MM10!

(Help support this site! If you buy stuff through my links, your clicks and purchases earn me a commission from many of the retailers I feature, and it helps me sustain this site—as well as my menswear habit ;-)  Thanks!)

Menswear Musings: What do you do for your day job?

Justin Trewitt: I’ve been working for my family’s company for the past 5 1/2 years in Plano, Tx. We do financial planning for individuals and we also just started doing business brokerage so helping people buy and sell businesses. I started in customer service, but now I do a lot of behind the scenes preparation for client meetings. Basically lots of staring at a computer screen and Excel spreadsheets.

MM: How long have you been doing DW?

JW: I started Dapper Woodworks in November of 2017 so just over 2 years now. We had just decided for my wife to quit teaching to be a stay at home mom with our first son so I wanted to find a way to create a little extra income for our family.

MM: What got you started making these tie racks?

JW: Well I got into woodworking when my wife and I bought our house a few years ago. We didn’t have a lot of furniture so I just learned how to make some! I have also been into menswear after learning to dress better in college. When I began thinking of side hustles I decided that I wanted to combine my woodworking hobby with my passion for menswear, and that’s how Dapper Woodworks began. My first product was a pocket square rack that I made for myself out of cheap wood because I couldn’t find a good way to store my collection. I figured surely I wasn’t the only one with this problem so I made an Etsy store and put it up for sale. I knew I needed more products so I made a few tie racks out of some scrap wood and hardware. It took over a month before the first order, and then people began requesting custom sizes and woods and it’s just taken off from there!

MM: Have you had a big response?

JW: The response has been way bigger than I could have ever imagined! When I began I was going to be happy with a sale or two every month. We are 2 years in now, and I just counted that we’ve sent over 400 items all over the world which is just crazy to me! I think people really enjoy them because there aren’t any good options to display your ties or accessories in a beautiful way. When you invest a lot of money into your tie or pocket square collection you might as well display it on a rack that has the same level of craftsmanship. I believe people really enjoy the custom aspect because each product is unique and is made their specifications

MM: How big is your personal tie collection and what’re you favorite ties and why?

JW: I’m in the process of redoing my collection, and filling it with higher quality ties that reflect the quality of my products. I had a bunch of cheaper ties for my previous job that I got rid of so I still trying to fill my smallest rack that holds 21 ties. My first nice tie was my Kent Wang grenadine which I absolutely recommend to anyone starting a collection. The cool part about being in the menswear space is meeting other brands, and several tie makers that are running a side business like me. I’ve got a couple of really great grenadine and shantung ties from H.N. White in England. A beautiful brown cashmere tie from Oxford Rowe. Also this incredible 7 fold tie from Shawn Christopher who is the only brand I know that makes his own ties instead of having them manufactured.

MM: What’s the most gratifying thing about this business for you?

JW: Beside being able to provide for my family this business has helped pay for my wife and I to go on 2 mission trips to plant churches in Tanzania. We needed to raise all of our own funds, and had lots of other expenses such as doctors visits, vaccines, and passports and this business helped cover all extra expenses. Also we have just partnered with our friend’s ministry Twelve21, and a portion of each month’s sales will be going toward sponsoring a child that will provide an education, food, and medical care. It’s just been really neat to trust God through this whole process, and see where he has taken us!

MM: Any new products you’re working on that you 

JW: Besides the tie racks and pocket square racks, our shoe horns have been very popular this year. I’ve also introduced a few smaller items like our collar stay organizers and cedar blocks. But going into 2020 I’m hoping to add some new tools to the shop and start making some valet trays, and maybe some shoe racks. I’m always trying to think of new items that are menswear and woodworking related, and if you ever have any suggestions just let me know.

Read more at Menswear Musings

[raindrop-on-a-spiderweb]

@ohmygoodnesslesbians I love this AU fanfic! This is a great continuation of the Darla chapter! REALLY want to know what happens next!

***

Ok so this an au continuation of the bonus chapter where Patience had Darla instead of Andrea. This also includes the au where Vittoria, Leo and Patience's daughter teams up with Darla, Salvatore and Patience's daughter to replace their fathers as Don's of their respective Families. Hope you like it.

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Tires squealed outside.

The sound of a car door slamming could be heard from the small dining room table Vittoria Borghese and Darla Mallozzi now sat.

Darla’s heart quickened. Her pop wasn’t supposed to be home until after sundown.

Before either she or her half sister could move the front door was thrown open.

“I need your help.” Simone Winslow said bluntly.

Her car was still running outside. In the back seat lay a dead body.

Simone Mallozzi, now going by Simone Winslow, had planned on spending the day in her apartment, picking up while her girlfriend Geraldine Abelman was away at a special lecture from some famous sculpture halfway across the city. That had been, of course, before she stepped outside and found a dead man on her stoop.

The bloody note pinned neatly to the man’s jacket lapel read “To the daughter of Patience, I know who you are and what your game is. Careful now.”

Right after Simone got done vomiting on the sidewalk and hyperventilating, She dragged the dead man into the back seat of her car and stepped on it.

  Vittoria soothingly rubbed circles into the back of Simone’s hand while Darla paced back and forth.

The TV from the living room could be heard in the background. Giovanna Mallozzi, the youngest of Patience and Salvatore’s three daughters, was blythely watching an old movie and sticking her little freckled nose out of her sisters business.

Darla stopped her pacing and reread the note. It was written in a neat and educated Italian hand. It had to be from the Borghese family. It had to be.

But who? Who found out about Vittoria and Darla’s plot?

“I know a place we can bury the body.” Vittoria offered in a calm and cool tone.

Darla didn’t know how she could always manage it.

Calm and Cool.

Nothing like Darla’s memories of their shared mother. Patience was always yelling and fighting and frothing at the mouth. Patience was like Gia. Patience was like Darla.

Patience was not like Vittoria.

Calm and Cool.

“Where is it now?” Simone asked. Her doe brown eyes stared blankly at the table.

Vittoria continued to massage her limp hand.

Calm and Cool.

“I stuffed it under the porch. We need to get rid of it before Pop gets home.” Darla replied.

Salvatore Mazzoli was not an understanding man. It had been a huge risk bringing Vittoria here in the first place. A mistake. That risk and that mistake were now amplified beyond belief now that there was a body that needed to disappear underneath the porch. Not to mention Miss Loud Mouth in the living room had witnessed the whole thing. Giovanna was 14 and had the sense of a rock. Knowing her she’d tell the whole neighborhood that there was a dead body under her porch.

“We should examine it again. Any clues as to who left the body are vital.” Vittoria said.

The TV volume lowered.

“Hey Darla?” Gia’s voice called from the room over.

“Yeah?” Darla tirely replied.

Simone shuddered a bit and Vittoria patted her shoulder.

“So, I know the dead guy like wasn’t here earlier and all, but do you think Andrea might have seen who dropped it off?”

All three girls straighten their backs.

“Andrea?!” Simone demanded from her seat. “Andrea who?!”

Gia’s groan of annoyance was easy to hear even from the room over.

“You know. Andrea? Our brother?” Gia replied.

Darla made eye contact with Vittoria.

Andrea?

The half brother who Vittoria was trying to replace as heir to the Borghese family?

It answered the question of who knows about Vittoria and Darla’s alliance.

But what was he doing with Gia?

“He’s really nice. He told me that my eyes reminded him of mom, which was kind of weird but I think he meant it as a compliment. He took me out for ice cream after.” Gia prattled on, oblivious to her sister’s frozen state of panic.

Simone shot up from her seat and marched to the living room, her face purpling with rage. Vittoria stood and she and Darla quickly made their way to follow her.

By the time they reached the living room, Simone had hauled Gia up by her long black twin braids and was screaming in her face.

“Do you have any idea of how dangerous what you today was? What kind of idiot are you? You don’t go out for ice cream with fucking strangers!” Simone howled. She shook shook Gia and pulled at her long curly hair. For once Gia’s expression looked properly afraid.

Darla lunged forward and put herself between her sisters.

“You! You’re just as fucking bad Darla! You and your little fucking quest! Trying to replace dad as Don! You should be ashamed. Not only have you put us all in fucking danger you’ve dragged Gia and I into it. I hope you’re very proud of yourself.” Simone seethed.

She shoved Darla away and stormed out of the room.

“And take care of the fucking body!” Simone yelled before slamming the door behind her.

Darla let out a long exhale.

“Ow.” Gia mumbled as she rubbed her head.

Vittoria shook her head..

“Well, we can go dispose of the body, now that we know who left it at Simone’s.” Vittoria surmised.

Gia shot her a confused look. “Wait, you found it at Simone’s?” Giovanna asked.

Vittoria raised a perfectly arched eyebrow. “Yes.” She replied in a seeking tone.

That only seemed to confuse Gia more. “Well then Andrea couldn’t have seen who left it after all. Is that why Simone got all mad?”

Vittoria opened her mouth and then seemed to think better of it. She gave Darla a meaningful look as she exited the room.

Darla’s shoulders slumped. It had been a really long time since she had seen Simone so upset. Not since Darla had told her Mom didn’t care about them had her sister turned so red.

She would have to find a way to apologize to Simone later. Right now Darla needed to take care of Gia and go bury a body.

Darla put a hand on Gia’s shoulder. “Gia. I need you to listen very carefully. Do NOT tell Pop about the dead guy. If he gets back from the job before I do, distract him, but under no circumstances do you tell him about Simone or Vittoria or the dead guy, capisce?” Darla pressed.

Gia shrugged her off. “Yeah, Yeah, ok I get it. I’m not stupid Darla, I can handle talking to dad y’know.”

Darla didn’t reply. She followed Vittoria out of the house to pack the body into her car.

  It was a peaceful scene.

Salvatore Mazzoli and his youngest daughter Gia were watching a baseball game. Gia had really liked baseball ever since she read about the The All-American Girls Professional Baseball League.

She’s sitting cuddled up against her Papa’s side. She could smell gasoline,smoke and cigarettes on his shirt, a combination she associated with safety and warmth.

Papa had just gotten done with a hard job and is enjoying the evening with his baby girl.

Gia wasn’t sure what the job was, only that it was hard and Papa didn’t want to talk about it. He told her as much when he asked her to fetch him a beer.

They watch quietly together.

Someone makes a home run.

They both get a kick out of it. Gia shouted and jumped up with glee while Papa only grinned at her.

Salvatore ruffles her hair.

“That must have been something to see, eh Gia? Sitting in the front row.” Papa asks her.

His voice has a comforting rumble to it that made Gia snuggle closer to him.

She hums in agreement.

It would have been really cool to see that in person.

Suddenly, in a moment of terrible word association and recollection, Gia saw fit to share something else with her father.

“Hey, Andrea said he’d take me to a baseball game sometime.If I’m a good girl and all that stuff. Maybe I’ll get to see something really cool, like the ball landing in someone's face!” Giovanna chattered excitedly.

Salvatore stiffens and the temperature drops.

Giovanna notices neither of these things.

“Who’s this Andrea? He from the neighborhood boy?” Salvatore asks. He doesn’t like the idea of some boy trying to pry a date out of his little Gia. She’s just a baby for crying out loud, she doesn’t need boys trying to take her out.

“Oh, no Papa. He’s my half brother. He drops by school sometimes to talk to me. He’s kind of weird but he buys me stuff, so I guess he’s ok.”

Salvatore’s grip on his beer bottle is so tight his knuckles turn white. He stiffly stands up and leaves the room without another word.

Gia gives him a curious glance but otherwise turns her attention back to the TV.

Its soon after the yelling begins.  

It’s about 12 o'clock in the morning. Darla has just returned from burying a dead body with Vittoria.

She returns to the house to hear her father roaring with rage on the phone in the other room. Gia is sitting on her stomach watching movies on tv.

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW? FUCKING FIND OUT!” Salvatore bellowed/

“What’s got Pop all excited?” Darla asked, a little annoyed she can’t go straight to bed. Darla spots blood on the sleeves of her sweater and quickly pulls it off. The last thing she needs is her father to see and start asking questions.

She hangs the garment over her arm and asks her little sister “What are you even still doing up?”

Gia is swinging her legs slowly and doesn’t turn from the TV.

“Papa’s mad because Andrea.” Gia replies casually.

The words turn Darla’s blood to ice. She sharply turns to face her sister.

“Andrea? What about Andrea?” Darla demands in a sharp tone. “Did he come back?”

Gia didn’t reply. She was to busy jealousy looking at the model in the commercial and her small bust. Gia looked down at her own chest with annoyance. She wished she had a flatter chest.

Darla marched over there and grabbed Gia’s chin, yanking her face to look at her. “Answer me!” Darla demanded.

Her anxiety skyrocketed by the minute. Did Andrea come back to the house? Did he hurt her? Did he touch her?

The evil possibilities of what her brother could have done. If he was any thing like what Vittoria said, he was capable of anything.

“Oooooowwe” Gia whined. She sat up and pushed Darla’s hand away.

“I just told him bout Andrea coming to see me at school.”

Darla blinked at Gia in disbelief.

“He’s been coming to your school?! Why didn’t you tell me earlier!” Darla cried.

Salvatore’s angry ranting from the other room increased in noise. “YOU GET THAT MOTHERFUCKER ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW!” Salvatore railed.

“And why the hell did you tell Pop?!?” Darla shouted. This was just perfect. Great way to end a fucking fantastic day.

Gia just shrugged. “I dunno.” She mumbled. She fully directed her green gaze back to the TV.

Darla had never wanted to strangle her sister more than that moment.

  It’s 4 am. Simone is peacefully sleeping with Gerry.

Simone came home,took a shower, and was relieved to find Geraldine back from her lecture. She was just the person Simone needed to see. They had a lovely date walking around the park. All the tension and horror of the afternoon melted away, leaving Simone feeling guilty for grabbing at Gia that way. Simone knew she hated getting wailed on by dad and she certainly wouldn’t want her sisters adding on to that. She’d have to apologize to Gia later. And giver her a talk about trusting strange men.

Simone had no trouble falling and staying asleep after coming home from her date and having back breaking sex with Gerry.

Or she would have been, if the phone hadn’t rang.

The shrill ringtone jolted Simone awake.

She groped her night stand and answered the phone.

“Hello?” She says into the phone blearily.

She is rewarded with her Pop screaming on the other line.

“DO YOU KNOW WHO ANDREA FUCKING BORGHESE IS? YOU KNOW WHY HE’S SHOWING UP AT YOUR FUCKING SISTERS SCHOOL? IS THIS YOUR MOTHERS DOING? HAS SHE BEEN AROUND AND YOU DIDN’T FUCKING TELL ME?” Salvatore shouted.

Simone had absolutely nothing to say to that.

“I don’t know anything about it. Call me back at a decent time.” Simone robotically replied.

She hung up and stared straight at her wall.

Oh shit.

The phone began to ring again.

Gerry sat up in bed. She rested her head on Simone’s shoulder and cupped her breast.

“Everything ok, doll face?” Her girl friend asked sleepily.

Simone couldn’t reply.

She was to preoccupied by what Pop’s knowledge of their brother meant for her. What it meant for Darla and Vittoria. And most importantly what it could mean for poor Gia.

The phone rang again.

Gerry turned to face it.

“Do you need to answer that?” She asked in a worried tone.

Simone snapped out of it.

“Yeah.” She replied dazedly. “Yeah maybe I should.”

Simone leaned to answer it and Gerry crawled back to her side.

“Hello?” Simone’s greeting was more hesitant then her last one.

“Oh thank god you answered.Look I know you’re pissed but Giovanna fucking told dad about Andrea. He’s been showing up to her fucking school, Mona. Vittoria isn’t answering, I’m losing it.” Darla’s stressed voice filtered through the phone.

The puzzle pieces were clicking in her head.

“Oh fuck.” Simone replied.

Darla began speaking again but Simone wasn’t listening.

“No, Darla, you don’t understand, Pop just called me in a uproar yelling about if I talked to Mom or if I knew who Andrea was. He, he thinks Mom is putting Andrea up to it, Darl. He doesn’t get it. You gotta make sure genius over there doesn’t fucking tell him either.” Simone insisted. Her heart sped up. She glanced at Gerry to see how much she heard. Thankfully, she had fallen back asleep.

Darla was worryingly quiet.

“Darl?” Simone asked.

Darla sighed.

“Yeah. No, you’re right. Pop can’t know. I’ll try and talk to Gia tonight.” Darla replied.

“And get a hold of Vittoria while your at it. She’s got as much at stake as you,and there’s gotta be something she can do about her creepy brother. I don’t like this guy following Gia around, I don’t care if he’s our brother. It’s weird”

“No,you're right. I’ll see if I can get a hold of Vittoria. I’ll call you back tomorrow.”

“Darla? Get some sleep while your at it. You’ll need it.” Simone said.

The dial tone rang out.

Simone hung up the phone and tried to call back asleep but couldn’t. Not with all this guess work for her brothers motivations floating around her head.

Maybe Pop had the right idea. Maybe Patience Winslow was the answer to this problem.

[inked-foundry]

A bit from a short story I hope to write about Seyss and Zeph! It contains some grumpy stuff but also a little fluff between these two ladies. Fluff isn’t really something I’m used to writing, so though I’ll take criticism on any aspect of this, I’m especially looking for advice concerning how their softer moments played out.

Seyss could already see the look of unadulterated horror on Zeph’s face as she rode her hoverbike into the garage. It was an utter wreck compared to the neatness of the garage, with all its organized toolboxes and motors propped on the walls. All Seyss could offer was a shrug of apology as one of the bike’s wrenched-open panels coughed out a few sparks. Then the bike died and collapsed onto the concrete floor.

“Sey!” Zeph burst. She slammed shut the hood of the maglev car she was working on, every muscle of her immense figure tense with stress. “What in the stars did you do to the bike?”

“I ran into a Firecrawler on my way back from a mineral deposit,” Seyss began, throwing her legs over the side of the bike to dismount. Her metal leg might have rubbed up against one of the burning panels, but the prosthetic didn’t have the nerves programmed to feel it. “Apparently the deposit had grown over the hellscape that thing calls an abode and I was impeding on its territory, so it did the damn well reasonable thing and started shooting acid at me.”

“You could’ve gotten yourself killed!” Zeph burst, running her gloved hands through emerald and ash hair.

Seyss only shrugged again. “It seems you have a habit of stating the obvious.” She walked over to one of the counters Zeph had tools set up on and sat down. Even sitting a few feet up, Seyss was hardly at eye-level with the mechanic. But all she cared about was getting a seat. After navigating the Dusts all day, Seyss’s upper leg hurt like hell from hauling the metal prosthetic around.

Zeph slumped over, rosy eyes wide and lips pouting. “C’mon, Sey, can’t you take it a little more seriously?”

“I took it seriously enough to make it out alive,” Seyss insisted. She reached over and unhooked her prosthetic from the bolts driven into her living leg, just above where her knee should’ve been. She sighed in relief when she felt the weight drop and heard it clang to the floor.

Zeph stared at the prosthetic for a few moments. She let out her own response sigh before meeting Seyss at the counter and deciding, “I guess you did make it out alive.” She gingerly pecked Seyss on the cheek before looking back to the hunk of twisted and charred metal they now called a hoverbike. “I just don’t know what I’m going to do with the bike.”

“Fix it,” Seyss offered. “Like you always do.”

Zeph laughed, a melodious sound that filled up the garage and rattled what hung on the walls. “You hold too much faith in me.”

“Then stop giving me reasons to have faith. The rest of this people in this stars-damned excuse for a planet have given me an excuse to give up.” Seyss leaned back and kicked her amputated leg. “Zee, do me a favor and prop me up in front of the sink? There’s just some grime I want to get off.” She ran her hand through her charcoal-and-honey hair to find pieces of debris. “Really want to get off.”

“Of course,” Zeph agreed. She slipped her powerful arms under Seyss’s torso and hauled her up without much of a complaint and went to open the door in the back of the garage.

Admittedly, the garage was the nicest part of their living situation. The interior was closer to an overgrown room, with a sparse kitchen in the front and recreational space in the back—if recreation included sleeping. Zeph propped Seyss on a counter to the left of the room, beside the sink.

Seyss turned on the tap. Zeph circled the couch and pushed the quilt messily draped over it aside, sitting down and snatching a small control. She pressed a button. A screen hung on the back wall flickered to life.

“Is it cool if I go check on the bike?” Zeph asked.

Seyss waved casually with one hand while the other grabbed a bar of soap on the either side of the sink. “Go see what the damage is. Just don’t tell me if it’s more than a hundred units.”

“I think a hundred units is the minimum,” Zeph sighed, but she headed back out for the garage.

Seyss got her hands covered in suds and gingerly started brushing them over the dirt. Nothing hurt enough to say that she’d been hit with any sort of acid. It became a mindless process. She’d find some bit of her skin that felt grimy and she’d start washing it off, half-conscious as she watched the screen.

It was one of the dumbass city nobles again. Probably appointed by the Empire or whatever name it liked to go by these days, given the symbol pinned to the lapel of his white jacket. His platinum hair was insufferably impeccable, dumb smile and piercing violet eyes not giving away a single emotion other than smugness.

Viscount—that’s what his name was. Or at least his title. Seyss wasn’t sure she cared either way at this point. He was jabbering on about his usual crap about the Scavengers that had been hired out and their safety. It was all useless bullcrap.

If Viscount had ever cared about the Scavengers a single day in his life, the rivalries would be over. The room Seyss and Zeph called a house wouldn’t be the best living condition they’d had yet. Seyss would have a new leg with actual neurological connections. They’d be off this hellscape planet.

Seyss suddenly found much more interest in washing off the last specks of dirt.

The garage door swung open, Zeph scratching the back of her head with a wrench. Her shirt was already covered in more dirt; she’d checked out the bike rather quickly. Seyss opened her mouth to ask how much it would cost.

But she shut up as soon as Zeph went to the opposite side of the room, to the rickety old wooden table where two jars sat between, each halfway-filled with folded paper bills.

Seyss had only assumed it would dry out the money they’d set out for spendings. But now they’d have to cough up their savings. She sighed, already feeling a phantom weight at the stump of her leg.

With a sigh, Seyss ordered, “Take it from the prosthetic fund—”

“We’re going to get you that new leg,” Zeph interrupted. Her voice held command to it, but nothing mean. The kind of command a parent used when trying to tell a child what they were doing was stupid and they cared enough to tell them as such. “We can get off this planet later, but you need that leg first.”

“I won’t be able to get a new prosthetic until we get our asses of this dust storm of a planet,” Seyss argued. She gestured to the job offers tacked to the walls, the pages of math done to figure out how much money Seyss was owed for her scavenging, the parts Zeph would need to fix a client’s vehicle. “We have all this money but it keeps flying away from us. Don’t you want a better life than this?”

Zeph smiled. “I’m happy enough, Seyss. I just want to make sure you’re happy.”

Seyss kept her mouth shut. She had wanted a new prosthetic since she got the clunky metal excuse for a leg. It hadn’t a single wire to connect to her nerves, nothing to tell her if it was burning or freezing, how much pressure she was using. That wasn’t even mentioning the burning pain she got from it by its weight alone.

“I’m going to use our travel fund, okay?” Zeph noted. But at this point, it was for more of a reassurance. Seyss knew that she couldn’t argue with Zeph’s logic, as much as she hated it.

Seyss just nodded. She turned away as Zeph overturned the travel fund jar and all the little bills came tumbling out, unfolding and flashing in dulled colors after changing countless hands. And they were changing hands yet again.

“Why the hell is it going to be so expensive to fix?” Seyss pondered.

Zeph thumbed through the bills—Seyss mentally counting them up—as the mechanic explained, “Honestly, most of the damage was cosmetic, and that’s a relatively easy fix if I can find the right screws and metal. The major issue was the engine and electronics in the front end of the bike.”  Zeph shoved the bills in her back pocket and started gesturing back and forth, giving Seyss a rough idea of where she was talking about. “There was minor damage to the back, where the tank and exhaust is. If any acid damaged those areas, well…” Zeph gritted her teeth. “You would be in a lot of tiny pieces right now.”

“Thanks for that imagery,” Seyss sighed. She grabbed a hand towel off the counter and started wiping down the droplets that hadn’t soaked into her pores. “Well, what about the engine?”

“The acid corroded through the hood and through the engine, so it’s a miracle it held up until you got home.” Zeph grabbed a slip of paper off the wall, ran over to snatch a pencil from the sink’s counter, and started writing down numbers and lists. “Your bike is an older model, so the engine is going to be a bit hard to find on the market.” Snorting through her nose, she added, “And I’ll be lucky if I can buy it off a professional and not one of those tech collector dorks.”

“Great,” Seyss muttered. “Peachy.”

A silence settled between them, both of them knowing what came next. They’d have to find some transport down to the major cities, since no one with any sort of money lived on the surface of the planet; that was asking for death. Anyone with spare units and dignity to their name lived in the underground cities. That meant the judgmental looks of nobles, Zeph having to fight off the urchins who were too weak to live on the surface, Seyss having to keep her leg from getting turned into scrap metal.

The cities didn’t have scorching ground and wealth was common, but there were still the shadow of its prosperity. At least on the surface, there was distance between desperate scavengers.

Zeph pursed her lips. “I see that look on your face.”

“What look?” Seyss spat.

“Your pissy look,” Zeph chimed. Rolling her eyes, Seyss crossed her arms as Zeph rushed over to haul her off the counter. Seyss tried to bat off Zeph, but she just held her at arms length and made her way for the couch. “Nope. Not today. You’re not allowed to be pissy in this house.”

Seyss let out a small gasp of anger as her shoulder rose and a stream of curses escaped her mind. Zeph remained entirely unphased. She simply slid her toe under a switch on the side of the couch and the footrest sprung up. After laying Seyss down (still sputtering profanities), Zeph walked to the other side of the couch and laid down beside Seyss, tall enough that her legs fell over the edge.

Zeph pulled up the quilt across their torsos, and upon seeing the spite seething in Seyss’s expression at Viscount, she grabbed the remote and flipped through channels to some fluff-filled, mindless flick.

The two remained silent for a while. The dialogue from the screen was cute at best, and poorly written to any critic that it concerned. Though neither really cared about the quality of the content at that point. Once Seyss’s breathing slowed, Zeph tossed an arm about her shoulders, heavy and comforting as a weighted blanket.

“The book was better,” Seyss muttered.

“The book wasn’t good to begin with,” Zeph insisted.

Seyss snorted. “Any of this crap ends up poorly written.”

Another moment and they finally turned to each other. Seyss wasn’t sure why she had always preferred sitting on the couch until she realized she was finally at eye-level with Zeph. Although the mechanic’s face was usually smudged somewhere, her eyes were always warm.

“Y’know, I guess I’m happy enough, too.” Seyss shrugged. “I’ve got you.”

Zeph smirked just the tiniest bit. “Then my job is done here.”

Seyss stuck her tongue out, mimicking spitting across  the room. “We sound as bad as this dumb movie.”

And as much as Seyss hated to admit it, she was still watching it by the time Zeph started snoring, just if she could get a grasp on what the world would be like if they ever got out of here.

[guacameowle]

Jihyun Route: Another Story - Notes

Below the cut are the notes of opinions & thoughts I wrote down as I was playing Another Story. It’s below a cut because it’s very lengthy; I think it came out to over 8400 words. I certainly don’t expect anyone to read all of it, but I had a few people ask for me to do this, so here it is. Some of it is more in-depth analysis, most of it is probably nonsense, a lot of it is me thirsting. 

Everything written is what I was thinking at the time something happened in the moment of playing the game so you can see how my theories/emotions of the game progress day by day. I did not go back & change anything I wrote after finishing the route. I haven’t even gone back to proofread it yet, so my apologies for ridiculous errors or confusion. 

The notes are broken up by days & then by endings (I’ve only completed good & normal endings so far). Obviously, this text will be loaded with spoilers. I apologize if you’re on mobile & the cut doesn’t work & you have to scroll past this horrendously long post.

I’m sure some of what I’ve said here will be controversial, but I’m not here to argue with anyone or create discourse; this is just a means to express my opinions & lingering curiosities about some aspects of the route.

I by no means disliked this route. I very much enjoyed it for all it’s drama, twists, emotional upheaval, discoveries, & Jihyun’s sexy sexy voice. 

Prologue

Like hell am I answering any of these calls.

Whyyy are you so obsessed with me?!

Omg they give you a 'call the police option'?! Iconic. I’m doing it.

I AM CRYING LAUGHING. I BAD ENDED & MC GAVE NO FUCKS. Just went home to order some chicken wings. A legend. SHE COULD NOT BE BOTHERED TO GIVE A FUCK. Honestly, that is my true ending. Ultimate true end. This is how my story would have ended if this happened to me in real life. Except I would have gone home to a tub of ice cream. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Excellent start to this update. She honestly just disbanded a cult & got dinner afterwards like it was no big thing. Boss MC.

Ok I'll do the prologue & play naive now.

Oh. A blindfold. KINKY~.

MC better be prepared to die because she just willingly let herself be kidnapped. 🙄

DAY ONE

The new music is so so nice. That violin concerto - so beautiful. I need sheet music.

That bedroom at Mint Eye is essentially my DREAM room. Wowza. So much pink! Yeah yeah, Ray, I’ll play your game as long as I don’t have to leave that bed. Ever.

Fuck. Ray is wearing gloves. FUUUUUCK me right up. GLOVES!!!

CATCH MY ASS FLIRTING WITH JUMIN ALL DAY ER’DAY. I told Juju I wanted to hear his voice. I’m so thirsty.

Jumin released a quote book. It probably has great lines like, “Yaaaaaa” or “What is fried chicken?” … I’d buy it. Will probably turn out to be the best trilogy I ever spent money on.

“Mankind is born lonely.” (Call Ray after 00:00 chat). This game just got deep as fuck. I’m not ready for that kind of existential commentary at midnight on day one, ok? Let’s chill. I came here to talk to cute boys/girl, not mull over how mankind was doomed from the start.

Zen is already basically horny & ready to rumble if you tell him you called him in the middle of the night because you were thinking about him & honestly that already makes this a fantastic update.

I’m glad we got a little more context on how Yoosung had a random friend who joined a cult & tried to recruit him. Solid tie-in, Chertiz. Bravo.

JUMIN PREFERS FULL-BODIED WINE. FUCK ME RIGHT UP. THIS MADE ME SO HAPPY.

Yoosung, you’re breaking my heart. I want to comfort him so bad. Everything is still so fresh & he’s so frustrated. He’s going to be an emotional rollercoaster this entire route. I can feel it. Deep in my bones.

“You should be asleep." BINCH. Then why did you call me?!

Ok, day one is almost fucking over, where in the mint wig hell is V?! This is supposed to be his route, right? I’m fixing to start answering for Ray in a hot minute if Pastel Princey doesn’t show up pronto.

ZEN IS SUCH A NARCISSIST & I LOVE HIM FOR IT. “I wonder what I’d look like wet.” Me too, send a selfie quick. Please. I’ll beg.

I can’t stop flirting with everyone holy crap I’m probably going to bad end. I don’t even know who I have the most hearts for currently…

DAY TWO

Why are the longest chats in this game at 2 in the damn morning?! Cheritz, please…

Have I mentioned I really like V’s new sprite outfit? CAUSE I DO. It’s an excellent style. That coat with the pin on the lapel is perfect! Mmmhmm.

Also, V’s sprite’s body language seems pretty important to me. That arm wrapped over himself & holding his other arm feels very closed off. He’s the leader but he’s curling in on himself. Yes, by now we know he has secrets, but this almost feels like he’s unsure of himself for other reasons. Maybe I’m reading too much into it.

In a call V says the dark sky was taking over the moon but then in the next chat he says he couldn’t sleep because the moon was too bright. WELL, WHICH IS IT? I am betting that "bright moon" was probably just a lamp. Flip the switch, V. Turn it off & go to bed.

Aye, Jumin went to a foreign university. I want to know where. Have it ever been said how many other languages Jumin knows? I know he goes to New York & China for business a lot, so do we assume he takes translators with him or that he knows enough of the languages to get by? I’m so curious.

HOW V & JUMIN MET IS THE CUTEST SHIT I HAVE EVER READ IN MY LIFE OMGGGG. Jumin calling the insurance company about a toy car. Stop I can’t. I love him so much.

LITTLE JUMIN IN SUSPENDERS OMG I AM SCREAMING. That mini suit is probably bespoke Armani. Damnit.

V & Drunk!Jumin talking about their friendship is going to make me cry.

Jumin talks about almost being kidnapped on multiple occasions as if it were just a minor inconvenience of his day. “Ran out of pancakes, almost got kidnapped, crashed my toy car…”

Yeah yeah Ray. They're AIs. Sure. Uh huh. Totally believe you.

HOLY SHIT. Seven got a major equipment & set up upgrade. Someone tell me he posted to r/battlestations ?!?!?

Ray said he's going to try to tame me with food & honestly I am not opposed to this. He found my weakness so quickly. BRING ME ICE CREAM! STRAWBERRIES! CHAMPAGNE! Ask Jumin to make me some pancakes, I liked those.

Whoa dang. Zen's "sleepy but maybe gonna lose my voice" voice is 💦💦💦💦

V in that robe. 👀👀👀 ((Lynn, why are you like this?))

The first recommended party guest is a vampire (who could pass for Eros Katsuki Yuuri in a cape). I love this silly game. You think if I told Jumin that the 'Twilight' series was really a documentary he would believe me?

So Jumin confirmed he doesn't have siblings. That's actually one of the lingering questions I had about him. I’m glad he & V found one another at such young ages then. One could argue that they’re like brothers.

I am going to say it - I think Yoosung needs to meet with a licensed professional on a set schedule. He has no outlet for these emotions he's feeling & fears being badgered by RFA members when he does express himself. I feel so bad for him, especially knowing, as the player, that he was right all along to question V & the lack of evidence on Rika's supposed suicide. The RFA chatroom is not a safe space for him. Yet on the other hand, he’s being very selfish in wanting the others to grieve the same way he is. This is a very complex character bit about him.

Jaehee continues to be wary of me nonstop… but is 100% convinced that Seven is inviting the actual planet of Pluto to this party. ::looks directly into the camera::

Now Jumin wants to invite an actual bowl of udon. ::looks harder into the camera:: (If these were the guest recommendations Rika got, no wonder she left.)

JAEHEE CG. CRITICAL HIT. WOMAN DOWN. “You look tired.” JuMIN! No! “You look tired…” LyNN! NO!

I think I’m going to bad end if I don’t stop getting Jumin’s hearts… but I can’t help myself. I am a weak weak woman.

Why in the hell is this chat called “Party at Saturn” but then in the chat we talk about Jupiter instead. False advertising!

I could listen to V’s voice all day. That is S I L K Y ~

Ray is reaching obsessive level status. This boy just attaches to anyone that’s remotely nice to him, doesn’t he? I’ll admit, I went into this route but really liking Unknown. He irritated me. I knew he was tormented & abused, but he was not a good man. Ray though, seems really sweet. So are we to believe sometime between now & the two years into the future something happens to him that just causes him to snap & no longer want to be nice?

DAY THREE

Zen is saying “lmao” a lot.

“There’s a perfect medication for that. It’s called… BEER. LMAOOOO.” Zen is just me in college. Confirmed.

Ok so this route has some of the prettiest CGs I have seen in this game. I am loving them.

IT IS 4AM CHERITZ. I DON’T NEED THESE EMOTIONS FROM SAERAN TALKING ABOUT A POTTED PLANT WITH TWO STALKS & ONE OF THEM GROWING WEAKER. GODDAMNIT. I’M GOING TO CRY. OH SHIT HE BUSTED OUT THE CRYING EMOJI. BE STRONG, LYNN.

If this boy doesn’t get some sort of emotional help & redemption in this story I am going to be so so upset.

(Call 707 after “Paradox of the Survival of the ____ Chat) Did Seven just pull a “BITCH WHERE?” joke on me when I called him sexy?!

V's dad is a vampire. Look at that guy. Jumin, don’t look him in the eyes.

TEENAGE ANDROID ZEN!

Jaehee’s "jet pilot" convo had me dying. What kinda Space balls + Monty Python convo was that?!?!

This slow mellow piano melody (I guess V's theme) is very lovely. It makes me sleepy in a good way. That gentle crescendo in the middle with the chimes gives me chills.

CHOIR BOYS JUMIN & V!!!! HOW PRECIOUS!!!

I actually like that we get to see more of V's hesitation & examples of him still struggling with the grieving process.

Yoosung is really lashing out here. I understand his frustrations but he is very blind to his own selfishness.  

OMG THE START OF YOOSUNG'S LOLOL ADDICTION! 😨

New order of favorite voices: V, Jumin, Yoosung, Ray, Zen, Jaehee, Luciel. ((This is shocking to me because I tend to prefer high-pitched male voices. Why? I don’t even know. The first time I heard Yoosung’s voice I was like “THIS IS THE ONE. THIS IS IT! QUALITY! GOOD SHIT!” Then I heard Jumin talk & my panties were WRECKED. I couldn’t fight it. I didn’t want to fight it.))

Aye, not to RUSH anything but uhh… when do I get to start giving answers like “V come save me” cause homeboy is at Mint Eye. I’m at Mint Eye. We can fucking leave Mint Eye together. Just saying.

Me In-Game: “Yoosung, I think you need to seek professional help.” Yoosung: “I don’t think I need counseling. I’ll just vent my feelings into my new game!” Me Out-Of-Game: “BOY I HAVE SEEN YOUR FUTURE & WE NEED TO HAVE A TALK!”

DAY FOUR

“Say Yoosung for example … [he’s] set to mourn the death of his precious but is he really sad because of somebody’s death or is he sad because death still remains a mystery to him?” I swear I just looked off into the distance & said, “Holy fuck…” Ray is getting DEEP. He just made a damn good point honestly. My mind is blown. I need a minute. This explains so much about Yoosung, honestly.

Ray just broke all the characters down in like 5 words or less. I am seriously impressed. Chertiz. CHERTIZ, MY DUDES. Your game is fantastic. Your characters are so in depth. None of them are perfect & I love it.

“… plant a seed of happiness inside you.” You’re not planting any seeds inside of me. Nope. Thanks for playing. I don’t want your seed. I can buy seeds at Home Depot if I need them. Thanks.

I’m guessing day 4 bad ending is you basically just joining Mint Eye with Ray at this point… & getting all of his seed.

JUMIN CALLED ME WHILE HE’S LYING IN BED. I AM BLESSED & I AM ALSO LYING IN MY BED.

Ok… I was hoping this call would get sexy but now he’s just talking about mattresses. Look Juju, you’re welcome to come & help me test the firmness of my mattress & I’ll test the firmness of your-

Real talk, Jumin’s exaggerated sigh directly into my ear via headphones gave me chills. Bye. I’m ascending to another plane of existence.

…. I’m waiting for that moment V changes his profile picture. WHEN. WILL. IT. HAPPEN?

The Game of Kings CG. I’m fucking crying.

VANDERWOOOOD.

Zen looking like he did an autumn “back to school” photoshoot for Sears & I am LOVING IT. He’s so cute. Looks like a Sketchers advert.

Yoosung is too innocent for his own good. Just met someone one day prior & already accepting packages from them. STRANGER DANGER, MY DUDE.

WET ZEN SELFIE! MY PRAYERS WERE ANSWERED! BLESSED.

Yoosung, I want to be your ‘master’. Please & thank you.

Elixir of salvation. Ah, that wonderful combination of harsh chemicals & neurotoxins/hallucinogens. I wouldn’t put it past them to have added piss. Ray says he’s going to make it special for me though by adding flavor to it. This boy is probably going to add a dollop of ice cream in it & say “IT’S AN ELIXIR OF SALVATION FLOAT!” Hard pass.

V COME & SAVE ME ALREADY! But let’s keep the robe…. for reasons… (Hello, you have all been introduced to Meowle’s extensive clothing kink.)

“The secret has got out of my hands…” ::looks directly into the camera with both eyes unblinking:: Boy, I’ve been saying this since uh… 2 years… into your future….

If I’m forced to drink this shit despite choosing the answers of resisting I’m going scream. I DO NOT CONSENT.

SAVE YOURSELF V! RUN!

Ok really, I just want to pick Ray up, toss him over my shoulder, tell him to hush & trust me, & walk out of there while karate kicking everyone in the face. Come at me. (Congratulations Cheritz, you made me like a character I didn’t originally like. You sneaky skillful writers.)

Holy shit, excellent EXCELLENT voice acting by Saeran’s VA. That was absolutely phenomenal. Sujin Kang. Bravo!

DAY FIVE

THIS ROUTE HAS GOT ME EMOTIONALLY FUCKED UP & I AM ONLY ON THE START OF DAY 5?! How am I supposed to do this for 6 more days?

V panting in a phone call = my mind directly into the gutter. Whew.

Yes, because keeping MORE secrets has helped us in the past 4 days. Does nobody learn from their mistakes in this game?

((Explained the current plot of this route to my sister)) Sister: “Ok, if this took place here in Texas, you’d just bust in there with guns blazing to save those pink & mint boys.” Me: “I wouldn’t kill anyone!” Sister: “You could just like… aim for their legs so they can’t chase you out of there.”

“It doesn’t matter what happens to me” This almost feels like V’s emotions go beyond just self-sacrifice for those he cares about. This blatant disregard for his own safety feels very self-damaging. I’m wondering if they’ll tap into this idea further in the story. Does he not feel worthy of existing? Of love?

Whoa… whose voice is THIS? Whomever this lady voice is, she’s got protractors in her eyeballs too, like Juju.

“I’ve lost my violin, something I’ve played for my whole life.” GIRL, I FEEL YOU. My heart is shattering for her & I don’t even know who she is.

Ohhhh it’s V’s mom isn’t it?! Calling it now.

I'm laughing so hard. "IT IS TIME TO ACTIVATE THE INTELLIGENCE UNIT!" & it's not even established yet! Jumin please. Omg.

How adorable!! Teenage Jumin & V!!

Wow, V's philosophy on life sure did a massive 180 in 10 years. Hmm, methinks his mom is going to come in to play for that.

I swear, if anyone else pops in & tries to “cleanse me” I’d start throwing fists. Touch me, I dare you.

V is resisting every romantic approach. I feel bad for trying to flirt with him. I guess I’ll just flirt with Jumin then.

Zen giving Yoosung some major tough love. He didn't have to step up to care for Yoosung, but he did. Zen is a good man.

Yoosung's crying phone call is ripping me apart. Also this voice acting is phenomenal. So so good but so painful.

This is disgusting. Rika has some serious psychosis & V decided to suffer in it as some way to "prove his love". That's not love. This is blatant abuse. I'm appalled. V was blinded by 'love', literally & figuratively.

In the end, V was abused. He had his love for Rika twisted/manipulated & used against him. He was physically hurt by his lover. This makes me angry not just because it happened but because he gave consent. I’m just… so fucking baffled. You do not encourage someone who is mentally unstable (or even stable) to inflict pain on yourself or others as a means for them to try to maintain a grasp on their sanity or ‘happiness’ or because they want proof you ‘love them.’ V encouraged this, he allowed it, he consented & it fucking spiraled out of control. He took on so much pain. He thought by doing this he was somehow helping Rika, but it didn’t! It just made everything worse & Rika went on to hurt more people after this. Yes, I see that V is trying to redeem himself somehow, trying to keep everyone else out of the situation so they don’t suffer like he did & so they don’t get hurt but I can’t ignore the fact that V made mistakes in their relationship as well. Rika’s growing mental instability should have been handled with a lot more care (therapy ((if one doesn’t work try another)), hospitalization, medication). He knew from the beginning she was like this, no? He enabled these tendencies she had & it wasn’t good for either of them. I want to know his end goal. Was he just being selfish? Did he think only he could be a cure for her? What was he getting out of this since it didn’t read as if he was really being loved back. Did he do any of this out of malicious intent? No, I don’t think so - it reads as if he was doing what he thought was right but V made mistakes & I feel sorry for them both. V is a very tragic character indeed. He thought his love was some sort of cure-all for his lover but it wasn’t. This is actually very sad. In a way, I guess he did stop her from hurting others (for a time) or hurting herself, but that still doesn’t make this right.

I was heavily suspicious of V in the original routes (even though his voice was so goddamn sexy), particularly in Yoosung & Seven’s routes. I still think V is not entirely free from blame. I don’t think he’s by any means evil or manipulative, just misguided in what he thought was love but really was just self-sacrifice & pretty damn obsessive if you ask me. It also rings heavily of codependency. You don’t give up every part of yourself so your partner can find ‘happiness’, that’s not a healthy love. Love yourself a little more than that, Jihyun, please.

I don't like Rika. Yes, she did good things while ‘alive’ & at one point she might have been healthy & mentally stable but it spiraled out of her & anyone else's control into a very very dark place where she became toxic, manipulative, & delusional. She's done horrible acts that I refuse to look past regardless of her previous ‘good deeds’. Bad people can do good things for all the wrong reasons. She needs medical help, I can see that, but that doesn't mean I have to like her. Her words & actions against V are very selfish as well, demanding he prove his love by letting her physically hurt him? She targeted his need to please & exploited the hell out of that - backed him into a corner & kept badgering him about him proving his love (even though he seemed all too willing to do just that). This is wrong in every way. Mental illness isn’t a ‘free pass.’

This conversation between MC, Yoosung, & Jaehee felt very productive! Yoosung seemed to actually listen & take in another POV.

DAY SIX

Ok, I officially feel like I have no fucking idea what the actual shit Rika or V are talking about in any of their damn video novel conversations. Too many damn metaphors & nonsense. Yes yes, sunshine, flowers & dark skies. Let’s move along. I’d rather hear Yoosung crying.

Update: V officially changed his profile background picture again but still not his avatar picture.

I hope Elizabeth 3rd isn’t suffering at all through this dramatic period. Is she ok? Is she eating well? How are her jumps coming along? Has she been grooming properly? When was her last bowel movement? I hope my precious baby angel is doing well.

V’s mom is kicking me right in the emotions. Every word she’s saying is just devastating. To lose everything & be outcast, having your child ripped away, not being able to find solace in something you’d taken comfort in for decades… I can’t even begin to imagine.

What a sad sad parallel. V’s mom lost her hearing & therefore her art of music. V is losing his sight & therefore his art of photography. Wow.

Secrets secrets are no fun… BECAUSE IT’S FUCKING RUINING EVERYONE’S LIVES.

I don't want Ray to be abandoned again!

You make one comment about recognizing a 90s computer & Seven suddenly calls you "ma'am." Boy, I oughta...

Jaehee says that V drives a British make car that is silver in appearance. I am hoping it's a silver Aston Martin Vanquish (aka Meowle's absolute dream car - only I want it in black in black on black).

I am laughing so hard at the idea of Jaehee just turning toward Seven & asking, "Do you work out?” ((Another Story - Brought to you by Seven’s Hot Hot Body. He Works Out!))

Yeah girl, I hate to break it to you, but that mask is doing nothing to conceal your identity so…

Hahaaaaa Seven imitating Jaehee in this phone call is pretty damn hilarious.

Someone please tell me there some options to throw a punch or two cause I fucking will. I need a Mortal Kombat option.

Jumin's analogy about V, Yoosung, & the apple tree was really really good! That pep talk was amazing. Jumin hit a home run with that motivation speech.

What kinda photos did Seven find? Naughty photos? Photos of Rika hurting V? Are we going to get to see these later?

Ok ok this might be a stretch but it's almost like V's mom's love & desperation for her child, that concern to only want to shield from pain & no longer finding purpose in anything else in life, is heavily paralleled in V's need to protect his "art" (Rika). Is this why he was so determined to try to be the outlet for her pain? He really thought this was his way of protecting her? A set of photos in his series was called Obsession, right? Was this all about an obsession with Rika? Makes sense to me at least. V is in deep, I'm questioning his mental stabilities as well in these flashbacks, honestly.

This CG with Rika & MC makes me uncomfortable. Hands off, please & thank you.

God bless Jumin keeping me updated on Elizabeth 3rd because right now she's the only bright spot in this horrifically emotional route.

"Once they get used to love... I show them fear again. Just enough to get them scared. And when I save them again, they become happy." What kinda toxic manipulative evil callus twisted deceitful bullshit. Girl, if I get my hands on you I’ll show you something to be afraid of.

Shit is going down & Ray is texting me about sunflowers. "If you leave then I'll be the sunflower. I'm going to stand watching the direction you've gone to." 😢😢😢 Please, don’t hurt him anymore.

I am at the end of day 6 & honestly I don't know if I am about to bad end. Did I fuck up somewhere? Oh geez...

JUMIIIIN stepping in & delegating like a champ. I love you.

Rika just sort of confirmed my little theory about V & ‘noble self sacrifice’, thinking he was some sort of cure-all for her demons but didn't see that he was doing more harm than good. I don't want to agree with her here but I almost kinda have to. I mean, she did ask him to basically keep giving her unconditional love, so she’s also a hypocrite in saying it was entirely V’s fault. He wasn’t the cause of her “devil” but I think he certainly had an inadvertent hand in helping it flourish.

Cheritz, please let me fight someone in this game. PLEASE! I want a full on Mortal Kombat side mode. I will go full on Liu Kang up in here, complete with all the noises he made in Sega Genesis - HUUWAH!

Hell. No. I will not do anything for you ((at least not until I loop back around to intentionally bad end)). You can fuck right the fuck off. I ain't telling the RFA shit for you.

DAY SEVEN

Oh ho ho, defensive & in-denial Yoosung is out to play.

“We’re teenagers. This is the period where we express rebellion.” Cue Jumin tilting his tie clip 30* upward so it’s not perfectly perpendicular to his tie. REBELLION! Drink tap water instead of chilled glass-bottle mineral water. REBELLION! Pay with cash instead of card. REBELLLLLIIIOOOONNNN!

Real talk - Jumin, that was some outstanding advice. He’s telling this to his friend & they’re just children at this stage? That is some serious insight. I will never get over how Jumin, who is so emotionally closed off, is such a damn good friend to V. His delivery was impeccable as well, it wasn’t condescending or judgmental; it was sincere. It was very matter of fact but did have a hint of genuine concern for his friend. Their friendship makes me very happy & I am glad they have one another. This isn’t just a “little” chat. This conversation goes on to very likely change V’s entire life… & Jumin had a massive hand in that. I’m so amazed, y’all.

Ohhhh, I offered Jumin a hug & got shot down. I’m hurt. I’ll never recover. I need to redo his route so I can feel his love again.

“Super-ego” Oooook…. BOTH of y’all need to reevaluate some shit.  

Rika had a bullied fucked up childhood & she needs some serious professional help. I feel like a broken record. She’s gone by the wayside, hell she’s lost the map entirely.

All these metaphors & analogies they keep using for their pain & torment, is exhausting. Hide it in prose all you want, what we have here is toxic.

This sort of solidifies my theory that Saeran has a split personality, this isn’t just anger. There’s just no way this is “the same” person. He’s been hurt by so many people. Now it’s sad to watch him hurt others. If they ever make a route of him, I will be very interested in seeing what the event was that causes him to finally shift personalities between Ray & Unknown (at least I’m assuming it’s Ray vs. Unknown & not Ray vs. Saeran).

“I will hack everything” Lmfaoooo. This made me snort laugh so hard my chest hurt. EVERYTHING! HIDE THE TOASTER. HIDE YOUR WATCH.

I can’t fault Yoosung so not believing what any of the RFA members tell him. He has no proof. He’s been lied to, just found out he’d been lied to, & now told to believe something else? Yeah, I wouldn’t believe anyone either. If you try to tell me that the person I loved & looked up to the most went evil, was hurting people, & started a cult I would tell you to fuck right off & laugh in your face. We also forget Yoosung is a scientist (though he’s not acting like one at the moment), he needs to see actual proof otherwise he’s not going to believe it. HOWEVER, he’s so loyal to Rika that if he were to show up at Mint Eye he’d very likely join them just to be with Rika again. I hope the RFA fights tooth & nail to keep him from going to Mint Eye.

Ok ok, in this VN, V expresses that he feels grateful to have been told by Jumin to not live his father’s life & to live for himself & make his own opinion about his mom. So… when is someone going to step in & tell V to not live his life for Rika, because ever since he claimed to be “her sun” that’s what he’s been doing… living for someone else again. V needs to live for himself, find what really makes him happy. A lot of this route so far hints that V is struggling with self-love & being ‘selfish’ enough to find what makes him genuinely happy. Also, Jihyun seems very sensitive to the opinion of others. That’s an interesting character trait - nothing wrong with it. I quite like that he’s played up as sensitive but tries to take on burdens himself to spare others - makes him a very tragic & compelling character.

ZEN MOANING IN A PHONE CALL LORD JESUS I NEED TO DRINK SOME HOLY WATER. THANK YOU, CHERITZ.

Is it just me or does anyone else think that Seven coming to Mint Eye on his own is actually a bad idea? You don’t mean to tell me this boy is not going be distracted by seeing his brother like this? Hmm saving brother vs. saving random new girl. … no contest.

“If you can’t relax yourself, I’ll make you relax.” Please please make me relax Zen. Please, omg.

THERE’S A “ZEN, MIND IF I REPLACE YOOSUNG?” OPTION. BLESS YOU CHERITZ YOU ARE TOO GOOD TO ME.

Angry mother-hen Zen is ridiculously amazing.

Oh please oh pleeeeease let there be a phone call to Yoosung where he’s moaning because of his massage.

WHAT IS WITH JIHYUN’S FAMILY "SACRIFICING THEIR EVERYTHING" STOP. NO. STOP THIS TRAIN OF MADNESS.

BLESS THE PHONE CALL WITH YOOSUNG GASPING & LAUGHING AS ZEN TICKLES HIM. Yoosung is ticklish along his sides. It's canon.

“I didn’t love Rika.” WHOMP THERE IT IS!

JIHYUN JUST ADMITTED HE WAS OBSESSED WITH RIKA. THAT IS A BIG STEP, PASTEL BOY! I actually put my phone down, yelled “I WAS RIGHT!” to absolutely nobody because I was alone, walked out of the room then marched right back in to keep playing the chat…

::shuffles notecards:: ::clears threat:: ::lips on the mic:: The sun is a burning ball of gas in space. It is not capable of emotions such as 'unconditional love'. It will instantly kill you on contact. Quit placing so many expectations on the sun in your fucking metaphors. Good day.

That Rika screaming CG makes me uncomfortable. I would now like to be excluded from this narrative.

I just laughed so fucking hard. Rika is having a fucking breakdown & Seven's voice just pops in ‘PSSST, ARE YOU LYNN?!’ I can't.

DAY EIGHT

Ohhh. Ohhhhhhhh. These answer choices are getting trickier. Just completely bash Rika or kinda calmly defend V? Hmm, decisions decisions.

So Seven didn’t see Saeran at all… & still somehow doesn’t know it’s actually Saeran that’s the hacker. Interestiiiiing.

Called Zen after 00:44 chat Day 8. Told him he was doing a good job by watching Yoosung because it was a hard task. “Did you just… diss Yoosung… in a subtle way?” I died when he laughed!

These answer choices all feel too similar to one another. I’m gonna fuck this up. I’m going to bad end on day 10… just watch. ((I have like 5 save files going though so…))

Yep, I expected this from Yoosung. He’s honestly not as bad as I thought he’d be. He even voices that he understands he’s being unreasonable & whiney - he just can’t help the way he’s feeling. This is a very visceral & real reaction. I think I don’t find it annoying because I was fully expecting this. I braced myself for it & I am enjoying seeing it play out. He was the most loyal to Zika, he’s going to take a lot to make him believe. Oh, what if there’s a bad end where he & MC both end up as part of Mint Eye?!

::battered & bruised:: ::speaks into walkie-talkie:: Day 8 on mission of V route. So far no casualties. On the path to Good End still. But V still hasn’t changed his fucking profile picture. Over.

[[Here is where I caved & actually started to spend the thousands of hourglasses I have on buying days in bulk instead of just calls for V & Ray.]]

180 HG for a days worth of chats?! Gooooood Lord. ::clicks accept::

Ray’s clapping happy emoji is the cutest shit I’ve ever seen.

I CAN’T LIE TO HIM & SAY I DON’T LIKE ICE CREAM. I FUCKING LOVE ICE CREAM. I HAVE MORE ICE CREAM IN MY FREEZER THAN ANY OTHER FOODS…

Whoa cool! Ray & Rika (my phone keeps correcting her name to be ‘Zika virus’) have profiles in the hacked messenger!

I told V “art” is part of my job because medicine is an art, right? Isn’t that a saying? “The art of medicine.”

Call V after 7:13 chat. This is a good call from him - not romantic I mean - but definitely good for more insight on how he now views his role in Rika’s progression.

Whoa whoa new chat room theme song when Rika joined in.

VANDERWOOOOOOOOOD!!! Bless. Their haggling is pretty adorable.

Update: V finally changed his profile picture & is emo as fuck.

About time these idiots realize the sun is fucking dangerous. Stop using it for your nonsense. This is driving me more insane than any other aspect of the game. Mention the sun again & I’m going to go stare directly into it until my corneas melt.

Was that finally a confession of feelings for you but kinda backhanded about it? With how torn up Jihyun is about this entire Rika situation, I’m very surprised that this route would even be considered a love endeavor between he & MC. I don’t think he’s anywhere near emotionally ready to pursue a new relationship with someone so soon after this chaos. I don’t know how I’ll feel if either of the ‘good’ endings is them together right away - it’ll just feel so wrong for the progression of his character. I think Jihyun needs to learn to love & accept himself before he can open up again to trying to love someone - at least loving something the right way.

Hahaaaa like hell am I going to say THE SUN is my muse. I’m going to stop going out in daylight at this point. My bones are going to get brittle. Thanks, Cheritz.

Omg V’s mom is such a boss lady. Be strong, Lynn. Don’t cry.

Aw shit, that fucked me up emotionally.

Is this why V doesn’t like people looking at his body? Does he have scars from this fire? I hope we get more on this. Or was that body comment just another glimpse into how unsure V is about himself? Another tidbit of not loving himself? Hmm.

I am honestly at a loss, I don’t know if I’m answering correctly to get to the party.

Noooo! V, why did you lie again?! He asked you point blank. You were progressing so well. THIS CAN ONLY END IN TEARS. TELL SEVEN THE TRUTH! Seven is going to be beyond hurt when he finds out that you just kept lying! He needs to know about Saeran! He needs to save him!

The music in this 22:00 chat is absolutely fantastic. Who is the music developer for this game. Give them a raise & a three week vacation to Hawaii. This soundtrack is so great.

OMGGGG did I fuck up? If V goes back to Rika, I swear. I’m so done. Ohh, that’s going to be a bad end, isn’t it? He’s going to give in again & go back to her!

This relationship is so twisted. We’re talking in fucking circles. This is the most unproductive conversation I’ve ever been a part of & I’ve spoken with anti-vaxxers in person.

I’m absolutely crushed. This was it. This was the moment? That full break between Ray & Unknown… I have no words. This is so so sad. The VA even does a different voice each of them.

I’m crying. Full on tears. Ray…

If this was the moment of the full separation between Ray & Unknown in this timeline, I am still curious what was the trigger to cause the full break between personalities in the original timelines. I really hope we get a Saeran route now. I wasn’t hoping for one before, but Cheritz has me hooked now. I need redemption for Saeran.

DAY NINE

So, I’m guessing I’m on the right track? Because I just realized a lot of the answers in this portion have a lot of self-centered MC options? So I’m trying to avoid the “me me me, V is better off with me” choices & focusing more on the “V is changing & growing for himself” options. I’m sticking with that since I’m fully on board with my theory that V needs to learn to love & live for himself.

DON’T BRING THE MOON INTO THIS. LEAVE HER ALONE. SHE DOESN’T DESERVE THIS.

Juuuumiiiin. I’ve missed you!

How many times do you think Rika had to set up her phone to auto take that photo of her standing in front of the Moon before she got it right?

VANDERWOOD!

VANDERWOOD SELFIE!

GIVE VANDERWOOD AN RFA PROFILE

VAN.DER.WOOOOOOD.

Vanderwood is laying down some fucking truth in this VN with V. Vanderwood - the voice of the people.

At this point, I'm just over arguing & talking in circles.

My heart was in my throat thinking Ray was going to drop the news that Seven was his brother in that chat room they were in together. I was waiting for it; I don’t even think I was breathing.

Oh RFA members + Mint Eye in the same chat rooms?! LET’S DO THIS.

Petition to rename the RFA to something else, anything else.

WHO DID THIS WOMAN JUST STAB. OMG. OMGGGGG. WTF WAS THAT PHONE CALL?!

Nobody has ever given V a hug before? How cold. I’ll hug you. I’ll hug the crap out of you.

I’m going to go hug my mom…

Update: Hugged my dad along the way to finding my mom to hug her. Hugged my cat too. My sister opened her arms for a hug when she saw I was making rounds, but I just high-fived both hands & walked past. I’m such an asshole.

Rika is flip flopping all over the damn place. Did you want his love or not? Is he your sun or not? Are you angry or not? Do you want him dead or not? I’m over it. Go away.

Ok why the fuck was the phone call from Rika about her stabbing someone BEFORE the actual VN where she stabbed someone?! I was so confused. That has to be some glitch.

$10 says now Rika is going to be torn between wanting V to die or not. She’s just going to keep flip-flopping. In the end, she’s just as obsessed.

Wow. Wow. The phone call where Seven is freaking out. Like genuine emotion scared shitless. Excellent acting.

DAY TEN

Rika was off looking for love her entire life when Yoosung was literally there right beside her loving her unconditionally when he finally met her.

Lmao "Don't go to the apartment, Yoosung. There's a bomb there." Yeah that's right, bitches. I can see in the future.

Damn Jaehee. Savage. I liiiiike it.  

"I didn't stab him that deep." Confession! WHOOP, THERE IT IIIIIS.

Son of a bitch. Ray is going to sacrifice himself isn't he?! While Rika's off playing house in her apartment again. I'm so pissed. Please please please let Seven save him.

I've been waiting for this Rika/Yoosung messenger chat! Now I fully expect Yoosung to resist harder & plead/beg. If I'm wrong, I'll eat my hat.

Damn they just give MC a straight up "hang up" option on Rika. Take no shit,  MC.

Everyone is hella vaguing in their profiles lolololol. You know you’re desperate when you’re vaguing in a closed off messenger accessible to only 7 people. We all know who you’re talking about. You’re not slick. 

Oh shit. V's mom making a comeback to slap me right in my feelings.

Ray's call after the 18:00 chat...

I have never been more attracted to Jumin in my fucking LIFE.

Ray’s best call is the one you make to him after 19:49. He cares so so much. He has so much to give despite being hurt & used & broken over & over again.  This was a great phone call. Devastatingly sad, but excellent for his character.

Where in the fresh hell did Vanderwood just pop off to? Last I saw him Seven asked him to look after MC. Then never again…

You bet your ass I chose the answer to tie Yoosung up. Like my thirsty domme ass was going to let that opportunity sliiiiiide on by. I’m not even surprised that Yoosung giggled at the idea. Bless his subby heart. Boy wants it bad. I am willing to give & give & give...

Whooooa 21:53 chat: “Ray has entered the chatroom” but ended with “Unknown has left the chatroom” I know this happened before but this is right before the final fight, right? Is Seven going to show up & find Unknown instead of Ray? Are they even going to do the brother reveal? Ray’s going to die, isn’t he? I can’t help but think that if V had told him, Seven would have tried harder, would have gone there personally. But then maybe Seven would get hurt too? Is Seven going to die?!

Yes, Jihyun! Find & love yourself! Live for yourself! This is an excellent idea! I approve of this. You need this. Forget about Rika! I wish you luck! 

Sonofabitchfuckfuckfuck. Ray deserved better. RAY DESERVED BETTER. That poor boy. He was so used, so confused, & so so tormented. I’m so angry. This wasn’t fair. I’m going to pout & be pissy about this for a long time. I’m hoping he really isn’t dead. Please please. I’m going to be in denial about this, I know it. I mean, they did show him in the control room in Mint Eye. He gave his final words & then there was the explosion. Is it too silly to hope that he somehow got out? Maybe...

Wowowow. That final chat with Rika, begging like that. That was brutal. Even in the middle there she switched between pleading & saying she’d get revenge. I really do pity her & I hope she gets help in this route but at this point I don’t even know. I’m on this emotional see-saw where I really dislike her but on the other side pity her. I’ll admit, I’m spending a lot more time on the side of not liking her. 

DAY ELEVEN

She’s not dead. There’s no way. I won’t believe it until I see a body (same with Saeran). YOU CAN’T TRICK ME. I’M A VETERAN OF THESE PLOYS!

Jumin. Fucking. Han. This man is so good. He’s so strong even though he’s struggling himself. That “lean on me” line nearly had me tearing up. Jumin Han is a GOOD MAN.

Also, Jumin said it isn’t confirmed if the hacker was in the building or not. I mean, being in a direct explosion could very well decimate a body, but what if he got out? Ray did sound pretty desolate about not having anywhere else to go & did seem pretty resigned to this suicide mission though. This isn’t fair.

PARTY ATTEMPT #1 (Invited 24 guests) - Good Ending?

WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? Is this like a “bad end” party? Why is she here? I fucked up, didn’t I? (I feel like the Minister of Magic in Harry Potter shouting “He’s back!”) ((If she gets to live & Ray actually died... I can’t. I’m still so angry.))

Yoosung, noooo!

OMG YOOSUNG, YES!

V’s mom has managed to make me tear up nearly every time she pops up on the screen. She had such impact on this route despite not be present in the here & now of it. She’s an angel. A fucking angel. Every CG of her’s has blessed me. This background story on her was so amazing. Her struggle & sacrifice for her son & finding purpose in herself after losing so much was... so beautiful. I’m going to cry again. 

BABY JIHYUN WITH HIS MOM CG. I’m crying for real. This is beautiful. The emotions for this were so so good.

What is with this game & Alaska?! Everyone is going there. Maybe Ray went to Alaska! 

That’s rich, Zen. Calling Jumin an alcoholic. Pot meet kettle.

Shit goddamn Jumin, was it necessary to be THAT savage about Zen’s selfies?

Jihyun turned into a beautiful happy hippie.

Hippie Jihyun is hot as hell. That smile. Wow.

Holy shit. “I want to love you. I will love you. I love you, just as I love myself.” That’s a damn good line! Damn good. 

Honestly, I am beyond glad, thrilled, immensely happy that there was a two year gap between Jihyun & MC actually getting together. If he had just jumped right into a relationship with MC after all of this, I would have questioned the foundation of the relationship. He was not emotionally ready for that so I’m glad the story allowed the time break so he could grow, heal, discover on his own.

I like that Jihyun wanted to be called his birth name again, not the ‘persona’ V that he’d created for his art, like a cloak or shield. He found & accepted himself & wanted to be that person. That’s beautiful. Self-love is very hard to achieve. I know a lot of people struggle with it, so it’s nice to see that represented in a character.

I want answers for what happened with Rika. We are just to assume she was sent off somewhere to get help with no updates?

I do not like that Seven was never told about Ray. I know it would cause more hurt for him, but he deserved to know. That just felt dirty. I feel dirty.

I am genuinely impressed that Yoosung was the one to stand up at the end to apprehend Rika. He was a little tornado this entire route & I was glad to see him finally understand at the end that this Rika was not the same one he cared so deeply for. Being the one to grab her & hand her in, had to have hurt him - but he stepped up & did it. That was good progression for him. Took him a long damn while to get to that acceptance, but that action of his took a lot.

I’m glad Jihyun’s route focused more on his development to turn away from obsession & look toward himself. It’s a similar kind of character growth in the other routes (learning to accept yourself & grow beyond something holding you back). These stories were never just about falling in love with someone, they grew to be better versions of themselves in the end. Jihyun’s development was definitely more artistic (cushioned in prose & woven in metaphors & abstracts) than others, but it was interesting just the same.

I like that they made such a big deal about Jihyun getting his eyes repaired. He refused to get them healed other times, but showing he was willing now & grateful to Jumin for setting it up was a nice touch to see how developed he’s become & showing he’s willing to let go of Rika (despite him talking about her every other sentence still…). Baby steps. He’s letting go of the hurt, recognizing he’s worthy of love & happiness too.

Maybe it’s just me, but was anyone else sort of wanting to see a CG of one of Jihyun’s paintings? I would have liked to have seen what they considered his painting style. He looks much more relaxed & carefree in his good ending CG, I wondered if his paintings would have reflected that.

PARTY ATTEMPT #2 (Invited 5 guests) - Normal Ending?

I really like this idea of Jihyun just venturing out on his own to find what he likes, what makes him happy. The self-discovery journey. But boy, you were just stabbed. I don’t think you can be discharged within a day after a celiotomy.

Jihyun talking about his dream house is ridiculously cute. This man essentially wants a little messy cottage in the city. How adorable. He went from being a materialistic & pragmatic teenager to being content with a sort of abstract pleasures in his adulthood.

Oh, so in this ending Jihyun asks MC right off the bat to be with him. Seems a little rushed, no? I don’t think he’s ready. He’s feeling a lot right now. Who is to say his obsession won’t transfer over to MC? He claims to have learned his lesson & to recognize the difference between obsession & love but I still think it’s very soon. I really wouldn’t want this to turn into Jihyun becoming dependent on MC after this emotional trauma & that being the basis for their relationship.

MC’S ONLY RESPONSE IS “ALRIGHT” Omg. So bland.

Are we to assume that Rika is actually dead in this ending? Because she never showed back up? Hmm.

So there’s a 2 year jump in this ending too, only we’re to assume that MC & Jihyun have been together as a couple during that time?

Ohhhhhh you can call Jihyun “darling”! <3

Wait, didn’t Jihyun say he wanted a little house in the city with curtains to block out the sun? This looks like a high rise apartment with massive fucking windows & sheer curtains that let in a lot of sun... but ok.

WHOA WHOA, Jihyun became a musician in this ending?! I want to know what he plays! Does he play piano like his theme song?! Does he play violin like his mom?!?! I will cry.

Jihyun’s pouty voice is ADORABLE! Holy crap where has this been all my life?!

Oh, interesting! He’s still very sensitive to the opinions of others (I mean, I certainly didn’t expect that to go away, you’re always going to fear criticisms). At least, he seems a little more open to hearing them, even if he’s hesitant to play for MC again since he wants her to like what he plays. He’s still a little shy, private, & sensitive. Cute.

These rich boys & their pancakes…

Jumin obsessed with pancake recipes confirmed. I love him so much.

His answer about their relationship was very sweet & shows how he’s come to understand a give & take balance, as well as loving himself & genuinely loving together. That was cute.

Still pissed that Seven never found out about Ray.

I want to know what instrument Jihyun plays!

OTHER

I went from being very skeptical of Jihyun’s character (he just felt downright shady) in other routes to liking him (now that we see the depths of his self-damaging & self-sacrificing behavior & the full reason behind all the secrets). He’s certainly not perfect. He’s made many mistakes. He was misguided in a lot of aspects. He’s still learning & now trying to do better. He’s talented, pretty, sensitive, kind, & generous. He was a victim as well & even had a hand in his own progressing downfall before he realized his mistakes & reevaluated himself & the situation. I definitely like him a lot more now that I know the reasoning behind his actions & seeing the changes in him for the better - especially seeing him accept & appreciate himself more. 

Yeah yeah, I’m going to be that person - I’m sad we didn’t get a kiss CG! I wanted one, not going to lie. Maybe we’ll get one for his After Ending if he gets an after ending?! Who knows. I wanna smooch him, that’s for sure. 

I expected to like the normal ending more since I liked all the other normal endings for the other characters more than their good endings, however I find myself liking Jihyun’s good ending over his normal ending. I just can’t get past the fact that I think he needed that self-evaluation time away from MC. That two years apart (though probably a lot longer than I would have expected the game to do) felt necessary. In his good ending, Jihyun sounded much more certain that MC was who he wanted to be with & to love instead of asking MC straight away to just stick by him in his normal ending. In his normal ending, MC questioned him, & he sort of recited a dialogue about their love. Maybe I’m reading too much into this, but it sounded like he was trying to reassure himself? Or maybe MC was just trying to gently remind him that yes, what we have is real, & healthy, & good for both of us & just needed him to say it aloud? Regardless, good ending sat better with me overall.

I still want to know what the other photos were in that series of photographs he took. I mean Seven, sounded pretty damn shocked by them. We didn’t even get a line about if it was actual imagines of inflicted harm or salacious material (I’m not trying to be a pervert for once, I’m genuinely curious).

Ray deserved better. I don’t think I can put it into any other words than that. I was very upset with his end in all of this. He didn’t deserve that. Only Rika & V knew his identity. Rika is either dead or being treated somewhere (depending on whichever ending you cater to) & in neither of the endings did Jihyun make known that the hacker was Saeran. I’m legitimately angry about this. How can Saeran even rest in peace that way? Is only the audience (& MC) to mourn for him? Everyone (RFA) is mourning for Rika in a sense but Ray deserves SOMEONE who knows who he was. Sure, Rika has that moment where she screamed & felt remorse, but she still didn’t speak up. Would anyone have believed her if she had? Maybe not. But he deserved someone trying on his behalf. Maybe I’m sitting too long on this, but it felt dirty. I know I said that earlier somewhere, but I still think it. This was wrong. He died in an explosion, alone, with only two people knowing who he really was & they didn’t fucking say anything. Seven is never going to really know what happened to his brother, so what happens if he goes looking for him in the future? Fuck, I’m crying again. I’m so sorry, Ray. You didn’t deserve this, you just trusted the wrong people. 

[andromeda---galaxy]

birthday prom

“Philip, don’t be mad,” Lukas says, fanning out his stack of fake money.

 “I’m not mad.”

 “He just thought he was getting better,” Gabe says, giving Lukas a look.

 Lukas’s face falls.

 “Gabe knows when to let me win,” Helen says, starting to gather up the pieces and put them in the box. “I always give him the eye and then I magically wind up being able to buy Boardwalk.”

 Lukas puts his stack of money down and Helen sweeps it up like it was never even there. Philip is still leaning on his fist and Lukas feels like a fucking idiot. He reaches out, grabbing Philip’s hand over the game board. “Baby, you’re not mad I beat you at Monopoly right?”

“Nope,” Philip says, but Helen snorts behind him. Philip glances up at Lukas, and there’s disappointment in his eyes.

 “I love you,” Lukas whispers, grinning at him.

 “Mhm,” Philip hums, raising an eyebrow at him.

 “You need to give me the eye like Helen gives Gabe the eye,” Lukas says, squeezing his hand. “And then I’ll let you win any game you want. I’ll go to jail and I’ll stay there. I’ll give up every turn to see you smile.”

 “Isn’t he sweet?” Helen says, nudging Gabe in the ribs. “Right after slaughtering all three of us.”

 “He’s lucky he’s cute,” Philip says, holding up their hands so Helen can clear away the board. Lukas brings Philip’s fingers up to his mouth and presses a kiss to each one of them, holding his hand against his mouth and smiling at him. Philip smiles back, albeit tentatively, and Lukas sags a little bit in relief.

 “You guys want ice cream?” Gabe asks, walking into the kitchen.

 “You still have that banana cream one?” Lukas asks.

 “Unless you finished it,” Gabe says.

 “I’ll take some of that too, if it’s still there,” Philip says.

 Both Helen and Gabe are in the kitchen and Lukas has been waiting for this moment all day. He plays with Philip’s fingers and slowly takes the piece of paper out of his pocket. He unfolds it under the table, watching as Philip glances up at him.

 “What’s that look on your face?” Philip asks.

 Lukas realizes he’s already messing this up. He clears his throat and tries to put the paper on the coffee table as smoothly as he can, pushing it towards Philip with one finger. Philip lets go of Lukas’s hand.

 “What is this?” Philip asks.

 “So, uh,” Lukas says, watching him take the paper in his hands, his eyes scanning over the words. “I know we’ve been distracted by the whole finding out we got into NYU thing, apartment hunting, normal school crap, but uh—well, this is sorta perfect, I mean, considering—considering it falls right on your birthday—”

 Philip is breathing hard through his mouth as he stares down at the invitation, and Lukas’s eyes trace awkwardly over his own handwriting on the back. Philip’s eyes dart up to find Lukas’s, and he blinks at him a couple times. “Prom?” he asks. “Prom?”

 “Yeah,” Lukas says, his voice cracking like he’s fucking thirteen again. “Look at, uh—I wrote you, uh—I wrote you a note on the back.”

 Philip flips it over and Lukas can see his hands are shaking. He remembers writing it this afternoon at lunch, when Philip had gone to the bathroom, and Rose was making cooing noises behind him.

 I can’t wait to dance with you in front of everyone. I can’t wait to pin a flower to your lapel. I can’t wait for everyone to know I’m there with you.

 I love you. Go to prom with me?

 He watches Philip read and he still gets nervous sometimes, about being out at school. But now it’s a different kind of emotion, and not so much about himself. He hates knowing people talk about Philip, say nasty things about him, and all he wants to do is beat the shit out of anybody who looks at him sideways. Lukas’s love for Philip grows bigger every single day. Before, Lukas was worried about himself—how people would look at him, what they’d think of him, what he’d think of himself when he saw the looks on their faces. But now, after everything, he’s so attached to Philip and what they have that his main concern has shifted to Philip’s feelings, in almost all matters. Everyone knows they’re together, and it’s such an essential part of Lukas’s identity now that he can’t even imagine not going to prom with Philip. He doesn’t care that they’ll be the only gay couple there. Because Philip deserves this. They both do.

 He clears his throat again. “I know it’s already next month but I thought—it’d be fun and I, uh—I—” He looks up to see if Helen and Gabe are paying attention to them, but they’re talking amongst themselves. He looks back at Philip, who’s staring up at him. “I booked us a nice hotel room,” he whispers, leaning forward a little bit. “For afterwards. We’ll have a birthday cake, a nice bed, each other…”

 Philip just stares, still not saying anything.

 Lukas’s ears are burning red and he’s getting nervous. “So?” he asks. “What do you say?”

 Philip stares for a moment longer and then leans over the table, cupping Lukas’s face in his hands and kissing him hard on the mouth. It lasts a long time and Lukas sighs into it, his hands clenching in his lap.

 “Yes,” Philip whispers, against his lips. “Yes, yes, I’ll go to prom with you.”

 For some reason Lukas was expecting a negative answer and he nods, a little broken half-sob escaping his throat. “Really?” he asks, putting his hands flat on the coffee table. “Yeah?”

 “Yeah,” Philip says, kissing Lukas again. He sits back after a moment, staring across at him with a big smile on his face.

 “We have to get tuxedos soon,” Lukas says, leaning forward, pursing his lips. “Like we gotta go there and get measured and put in our orders and shit.”

 “Oh yeah?” Philip asks, leaning forward too, still gazing at him.

 “I don’t know,” Lukas says, nearly overwhelmed with his excitement. “I’ve never done this before.”

 “Me either,” Philip says, his eyes flashing down to Lukas’s mouth like he wants to kiss him again. “Guess we’re gonna figure it out together.”

 “Figure out what?” Helen asks.

 Lukas startles a little bit—he’d been so focused on Philip that he hadn’t even seen the two of them come back into the room. They put down bowls of ice cream in front of both Lukas and Philip and sit down on the couch, both narrowing their eyes.

 “Lukas just asked me to prom,” Philip says excitedly, looking up at them. “Which is on my birthday, weirdly enough.”

 They both hum happily and Gabe claps Lukas on the shoulder, which makes him feel really good and accomplished.

 “That’s wonderful, boys,” Helen says, around a mouthful of ice cream. “That’s coming up quick, though….”

 “Well, we’re not gonna be taking a limo or anything like that,” Lukas says, and then his heart lurches and he looks at Philip. “Unless you—”

 Philip shakes his head. “No, no. I wouldn’t even mind going on your bike.”

 “No,” Helen says, firmly. “Not in tuxedos. We’ll drive you.”

 Lukas’s heart lurches again and he sees Philip make a face.

 “Or they can take the car,” Gabe insists, playing close attention to both of them. Lukas nods at him and he nods back, smiling softly.

 Helen grimaces, but Lukas sees her break a little bit when Philip beams at her. “We’ll figure it out,” she says.

 ~

 Lukas gets paranoid later on that night. He’s sleeping over and he lays in Philip’s bed, staring up at the ceiling, while Philip brushes his teeth. “Babe,” he says, anxiety bubbling up in his stomach.

 Philip pops his head out of the bathroom, his toothbrush still in his mouth.

 “Am I like….making a mistake?” he asks. “Taking you to prom?”

 Philip narrows his eyes. He disappears and Lukas hears him spit, washing out his mouth. He comes back, heading over to the bed. “Why, you wanna take someone else?”

 Lukas squeezes his eyes shut. “No, no—that’s not what I mean.”

 Philip smiles, getting into bed with him. “So what do you mean?” he asks, laying his head on Lukas’s shoulder.

 “I don’t want anyone messing with us and upsetting you,” Lukas says, craning his neck to look at him. He rubs Philip’s shoulder up and down, knows he must feel how fast Lukas’s heart is beating.

 “I mean…” Philip says, pursing his lips. “I don’t care what they think.”

 “I just care whether it hurts you,” Lukas says. “Especially on your birthday. I don’t want to drag you out to something like this where there are a bunch of assholes from our school that don’t even deserve to look at you.”

 Philip smiles, turning onto his side and cuddling up closer to Lukas. Lukas wraps his arms around him and kisses the top of his head, wishing that things were different. He wishes everyone could be accepting, wishes that he hadn’t taken so goddamn long to accept himself in the first place. He wants to protect Philip from all the hurt in the world and he wants so badly for them to be able to go to prom without anyone being a dick about it.

 “We’re gonna go there and we’re gonna dance,” Philip whispers, into the hollow of Lukas’s throat. “We’re gonna kiss in front of everybody, because they’re pretty much used to that by now. We’re gonna eat and get our pictures taken and wear masquerade masks—”

 “Masks?” Lukas asks.

 “That’s the theme,” Philip says. “Masquerade. You didn’t see that on the invitation you gave me?”

 “I didn’t even notice,” Lukas says, laughing softly. “I was too nervous.”

 “Yeah, as if I was gonna be like No Lukas, I’m going with somebody else. I literally can’t think of a random person to joke about going with, that’s how outlandish it is.”

 “Good,” Lukas says, looking down at him. “I don’t even want to imagine you with anyone else.” He knows Philip actually had to deal with him being with someone else—had to suffer through Lukas’s fucking awful behavior, the false version of himself he presented to the world. Thinking about it makes him feel like shit, and it also makes him want to go to prom even more. “You know what, baby?”

 “Hmm?”

 “We’re gonna have a fucking amazing time and no one is gonna take that away from us,” Lukas says, smiling when a grin spreads across Philip’s face.

 “Course we are,” Philip says, rubbing his thumb across Lukas’s collarbone.

 Lukas nuzzles their noses together, already thinking of the hotel, already thinking of the presents he needs to get, already thinking about all of it. “Can’t wait to see you in a cute little tuxedo.”

 “Can’t wait for you to take it off of me,” Philip whispers, pressing a sweet kiss to the corner of Lukas’s mouth.

 “Have I told you before that you’re a tease?” Lukas breathes. Philip nods, grinning, and Lukas shakes his head, covering Philip’s mouth with his own.

 ~

 About a week later he’s standing in a dressing room in an oversized tuxedo, staring at himself in the mirror and feeling like he’s going to throw up.

 Dad stands behind him and shakes his head. “Lukas, your tux isn’t going to look like this. Yours is going to fit you. They just took your measurements.”

 “Then why am I even wearing this?” Lukas asks, his heart beating in his ears. “I look like a clown.”

 “It’s just to give you an idea,” Dad says, looking exasperated. “And you’ll have your red tie, you two—you’re doing—you’re doing red, right?”

 Lukas calms a little just hearing that, because it always makes him feel better when his dad makes an effort. “Yeah,” he says. “Red.” He sighs, looking down at his feet. “I just don’t wanna look dumb. I don’t want him to think—” He swallows his words, sighing again.

 “He’s not going to think…you look dumb,” Dad says. “I doubt either of you could ever think the other looks dumb.” He shuffles his feet a little bit and clears his throat. “Don’t let anyone—anyone—stop you from doing this. Not your schoolmates, not me, not yourself. I know it’s what you want and it’s—it’s Philip’s birthday and I know—I know that’s important to you.”

 Lukas looks up at him in the mirror. “It is.”

 “So just know they’ll be making a suit that fits you well,” his dad says. “And I know a guy at that flower place, could get you a good deal on boutonnieres—”

 Lukas turns around and hugs him before he can finish his sentence.

  He texts Philip once they’re back in the car. Did you have to try on that weird large suit too?

 Yeah Philip messages, a few minutes later. But they took my measurements so I’m not too worried. I looked dumb but Helen still cried.

 Lukas smiles down at his phone. I looked dumb but my dad started popping in with the supportive father routine so then I felt better.

 Philip messages back almost immediately, when they roll to a stop at the red light. We’re gonna have the best time.

 ~

 Lukas worries and worries over everything but manages to get his presents in order, panicking about engraving and fonts before he finally just gives in and goes with his first choices on both. He sets things up with the cake and the hotel, hopes that it all works out properly. He knows he’ll be anxious about the set-up, but he trusts Gabe to secretly take care of it.

 He and Philip are acting like the tuxedos are goddamn wedding dresses and refuse to let each other see them when they’re ready, but when Lukas finally tries on the tux that actually fits him he nearly drops with relief. They pick them up and leave them in Lukas’s closet, hanging in plastic.

 Philip sleeps over the night before prom, and Lukas attempts to keep him awake until midnight. He knows he’s failing when Philip’s head starts lolling forward when they’re lying in bed, and Lukas leans in and presses a kiss to his forehead, earning a little soft hum.

 “Baby,” Lukas says, eyes darting over to the clock on his bedside table.

 “Hmm?”

 “You gonna go with me to pick up the flowers tomorrow?” Lukas asks, running absent-minded fingers through his hair.

 “Yes,” Philip whispers. “Helen and Gabe are uh—gonna be coming over to take—take pictures.”

 “Of course,” Lukas says. He sort of wishes they had slept in different places tonight so he could go and pick Philip up properly, surprising him with the boutonniere instead of picking them up together, but once again he realizes he’s thinking of this whole thing like a wedding and his cheeks go red. And he knows he wanted to be with Philip the moment it became his birthday, which is in two more minutes.

 He sees Philip’s eyes closing again and he shakes him a little.

 “Mmm, Lukas,” Philip whispers, and it’s so soft and breathy that Lukas gets a little turned on. He knows nothing is gonna happen because Philip is so tired, so he tries to push the feeling to the back of his mind.

 “Don’t go to sleep yet, angel face,” he says, kissing Philip’s cheek and glancing up at the clock again.

 “Tell me tomorrow,” Philip says, nuzzling closer to him.

 “I wanna be first,” Lukas says, and Philip smiles a little bit. Lukas looks up at the clock again and watches it click over to midnight. He sucks in a breath. “Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday dear Philip, Happy Birthday to you!”

 Philip hums, and Lukas brushes his hair back, pressing kiss after kiss to his mouth. “Thank you,” Philip whispers.

 “I love you,” Lukas says, hugging him tight. “I love you so much.”

 “I love you too,” Philip whispers, burying his face in Lukas’s neck. “Can I go to sleep now?”

 “I guess so,” Lukas says, grinning. “We have a big day ahead of us.” He glances up towards the corner of the room where his presents are hidden, trying to imagine Dad and Gabe setting them up in the hotel room.

 “So excited,” Philip says, melting into him, and Lukas can tell he’s already drifting to sleep.

 “Goodnight, baby,” Lukas whispers.

  Dad lets Lukas take the car, and he goes with Philip to pick up the boutonnieres at about noon that day. They try to hide them from each other like idiots and can’t stop making each other laugh, Lukas’s face hurting from how much he’s smiling. Lukas goes to check in to the hotel, getting three keys so Gabe and Dad have one to use when they set things up.

 Philip and Lukas get ready in opposite bathrooms and Lukas doesn’t know why he’s so nervous. Maybe because his dad is sitting in the kitchen trying to act nonchalant. Maybe because he’s worrying about the cake and the presents getting to the hotel properly and at the right time. Maybe because he’s going to prom with his boyfriend in matching goddamn tuxedos, which is the most out thing he’s ever done. Maybe because he’s so excited to do this with Philip that he can hardly breathe, and he’s so grateful prom was placed on a Saturday instead of a school day so he didn’t walk around in school almost puking from nerves.

 Once he’s completely dressed he stares at himself in the mirror, adjusting his red tie over and over again, vaguely hearing Helen and Gabe pull up outside. He brushes his hair back and wonders if he should have done something with it. He can hear Philip’s voice in the hallway and Philip always gives him butterflies, but it’s like they’re amplified today.

 You’ll never be good enough for him. There’s no reason for him to want you.

 Lukas shakes it off. He knows Philip isn’t like that, he knows Philip loves him. He knows the two of them belong to each other, a sort of belonging that Lukas can feel in the tips of his fingers and in every step he takes. Like there’s an invisible string connecting them, pulling tight when they get too far. And he thinks it’s always been that way, probably why everything hurt so much before he met Philip. They were just too far away from each other.

 He opens the door.

 “Here he comes,” his dad says, and when Lukas turns the corner he sees Philip standing there. And he’s always fucking knocked out by him, but now he can barely keep himself from smiling as he sees how goddamn cute he looks in his tuxedo. Even though he knew it was coming it’s still so much more than he could have imagined—he looks so cute that Lukas can hardly stand it. He can’t see anything else but Philip.

 “Look at you,” Philip says, grinning.

 “Look at you,” Lukas says, walking towards him. Philip reaches out and tugs him forward by his tie, looks like he wants to kiss him but stops short. Lukas doesn’t think and closes the distance between them, pressing their mouths together. He vaguely hears a camera phone snap and when the kiss breaks he sees Helen looking down at her phone.

 “Uh, you two look great,” Dad says, from the kitchen. He opens the fridge and takes out the plastic containers with the boutonnieres in them, holding them out awkwardly.

 “Oh wow,” Philip says. “Yours is really nice.”

 “It looks the same as yours, don’t play with me,” Lukas says, gazing down at the two white roses.

 “If you need help just tell me,” Helen says, walking forward with Gabe on her heels. “These things are a pain in the ass.”

 “Your mother stabbed me right in the chest,” Dad says, shaking his head when they open the containers and take the flowers out.

 “I’m not gonna stab you,” Lukas says, smiling up at Philip.

 It is fucking hard, and it drives Lukas insane that he can’t do it perfectly. Finally Helen has to step in and help them both, and after ten minutes they finally have the flowers pinned on perfectly. They wrap their arms around each other and pose for a few pictures, which Dad surprisingly participates in, as well.

 When they’re heading to the car Lukas opens the door for Philip, squeezing his knee before closing it again. He puts their overnight bag in the back seat, and Gabe grabs Lukas’s elbow as he’s walking to the driver’s side.

 “We’re gonna bring the gifts and the cake over to the hotel in about an hour,” Gabe says, nodding at him. “I’ll leave the extra room key inside when we’re done so you guys aren’t paranoid about us bursting in at all hours.”

 Lukas snorts, shaking his head. “Thank you so much.” He looks up and sees his dad holding a thumbs up, which he’s almost sure he’s hallucinating, but he returns it all the same.

  “What did Gabe say to you?” Philip asks, waving at Helen as they pull away.

 Lukas’s chest goes a little warm. “Just told me to show you a good time tonight. Which I adamantly said I would do.”

 Philip smiles over at him, holding his chin high. He looks so cute and perfect that Lukas starts blushing, and he has to look away so he doesn’t drive off the road.

 ~

 Lukas is sort of annoyed at himself that he didn’t book a room at the hotel where prom is being held to make things easier, but he rethinks it as soon as they start walking inside and hear how loud it is. He looks down at Philip, then reaches out and threads their fingers together.

 “You ready, babe?” Lukas asks, pushing the front door open.

 “Yep,” Philip says, though he sounds a little nervous.

 Lukas brings Philip’s hand up to his mouth and kisses it, smiling at him.

 Rose waves them down as soon as they walk through the door. She’s wearing a glittery orange dress and smiles wide when she skids to a stop in front of them. “Was wondering when you two were gonna show,” she says.

 “It’s hardly started,” Lukas says. “Haven’t you heard of fashionably late?”

 “Philip, you look really nice,” she says, shooting a glare at Lukas.

 “You too, Rose,” Philip says.

 “Come on,” she says. “You’ve got two seats at the table I claimed. Lots of good masks at this one.”

 ~

 Lukas quickly realizes that this is all one big stink bomb. They take their official pictures as soon as they come in but Lukas is sure they’re terrible. Rose and their friends seem happy and no one bothers him and Philip, even invite them into their conversations, but overall prom is nothing like what he was expecting. The food is shit, some kind of dry chicken and rice, the music is awful and Lukas can tell Philip hates it. The only thing that makes him happy is how fucking cute Philip looks in his masquerade mask, way hotter than any other guy here. They make out in a stairwell for about twenty minutes before Rose comes to find them, dragging them out onto the dance floor. The three of them spin each other around and for a few minutes they’re having a great time, until the song changes to something horrible and Rose is flitting away again.

 They sit at the table and Philip leans his head on Lukas’s shoulder, holding his phone out and taking pictures of the two of them. Lukas kisses his forehead, then tips his chin up and presses a kiss to his lips.

 “Mmm,” Philip hums, smiling when Lukas pulls back. He looks at his phone and pulls up the picture, which is surprisingly good. “That one’s good. Can I post it?”

 “Of course,” Lukas says. “Caption it PROM IS WAY LAMER THAN ADVERTISED.” He’s annoyed as hell that this isn’t amazing, because it’s Philip’s birthday and they built it up so much in their heads. It isn’t even decorated as nicely as Lukas would have imagined.

 “I’m having fun,” Philip says, smiling softly at him putting away his phone. He looks around, the weird spotlights dragging across his face. His eyes shine behind the mask and he looks so beautiful sitting there, just being his perfect normal self, picking at the table cloth and moving the food around on his plate.

 Lukas looks at him and his chest goes tight. “Don’t have to say that if it’s not true.”

 “I always have fun with you,” Philip says, beaming. “Wherever we are.”

 Lukas sighs, leaning in close to him. “But it’s your birthday. And this was supposed to be…way cooler than it is. Like it’s prom and it’s this big thing and now it’s just like…nothing. Like…a fifth grade party.”

 Philip snorts, briefly glancing behind him when two girls rush by, their glittery trains trailing on the floor. He looks back at Lukas, nudging into him a little. “It’s better than that,” he says. “I’m wearing a masquerade mask. So are you. And they’re strangely attractive on both of us.”

 “That’s true,” Lukas says, pulling out his own phone. “Gimme a kiss.”

 Philip grins and moves in, their masks bumping as they kiss. Lukas takes three pictures and starts to laugh. Philip starts too and Lukas snaps one more, pulling his hand back as he presses another kiss to the tip of Philip’s nose.

 “These pictures of us are the best part of prom,” Lukas says, flipping through them and making a collage to put on Instagram.

 “I’m sure I blinked in the official one,” Philip says, eating a fry.

 “Same,” Lukas says, shaking his head. I’m gonna frame it anyway he thinks, chewing on the inside of his cheek as he posts the collage and puts his phone away again.

 A reasonably good slow song comes on and Lukas grabs Philip’s hand, tearing him away from picking at his soggy fries. “Come on,” he whispers.

 “More dancing?” Philip asks, getting out of his seat and following him.

 “Yeah, while they play something good,” Lukas says.

 “I’m glad we’re on the same page,” Philip says, winding his hand around Lukas’s elbow. “This is our first slow one.”

 Lukas looks back at him as they weave through the crowd. “You nervous?”

 “Nope,” Philip says, letting Lukas pull him to the center of the dance floor.

 They haven’t ever done this before, but Lukas refuses for it to be bad. He tugs Philip in by his waist and realizes he’s breathing through his mouth as Philip arranges his hands on his shoulders. They stare at each other for a few moments like they’re the only ones in the room, but then Philip steps closer, his lips grazing Lukas’s ear.

 “I never thought we’d have this,” he whispers, as Lukas links his fingers together at the small of Philip’s back.

 “I’m sorry,” Lukas whispers back, swaying them back and forth. He knows he needs to say it forever, could probably never make up for all the dumb shit he’s done.

 “No, no,” Philip says. “It’s just—you know how people are. And you know—everything that happened—”

 “We made it, baby,” Lukas whispers, kissing his cheek. “No one’s bothering us.”

 “Nope,” Philip says, leaning into him.

 And it’s perfect for a few beautiful, shimmering moments, the two of them holding each other in front of their whole senior class and no one is freaking out, not even the two of them. But then there’s a strange noise, some screaming, and then it’s fuckin raining in the ballroom. He tugs Philip flush against him because he panics immediately, and when he looks up he sees the sprinklers are spewing water down on them.

 “Uh…” Philip trails off, still holding tight to him.

 “Let’s go,” Lukas says, his heart racing. “Don’t know what the fuck is going on but I need you safe.” He takes Philip’s hand and keeps him close, half on top of him so he doesn’t get lost in the crowd.

 Lukas pulls his mask off and shoves it in his pocket. He hears adults yelling orders in the lobby but he can’t tell what the hell they’re saying, and it feels like they’re all on the Titanic trying to get the hell out of dodge. Lukas can hardly breathe, tries not to push, and he holds tight to Philip the whole time, anxious about losing him. They finally make their way outside and everybody is still running.

 That’s when it hits him how goddamn wet they are.

 Philip’s hair is plastered to his forehead and his shirt is soaked through. Lukas feels like he himself has gained like ten damn pounds since the tux is so heavy, and even though everyone is dispersing around them he refuses to let go of Philip’s hand.

 “It doesn’t smell like fire,” Philip says, pulling his mask onto his forehead and wiping his eyes.

 “God knows what the hell it is,” Lukas says, looking up at the building.

 “Can you text Rose and make sure she’s okay?” Philip asks, moving closer to him. He’s shivering and Lukas wraps an arm around his shoulder, pulling him in. He lets go of his hand to pull out his phone.

 “Yeah,” Lukas says, shooting her a quick message. He sighs, waiting for a response. “Of course this is how our prom ends.”

 “I like you when you’re wet,” Philip whispers, kissing his neck.

 “Tease, tease, tease,” Lukas says, rubbing his hand up and down Philip’s back. His phone vibrates and Rose says she is already halfway down the street in an uber. “She’s fine,” he says. “Let’s get you the hell out of here.”

 ~

 Philip shivers the whole car ride and Lukas fumbles with the heat, finally figuring it out. They’re pretty quiet on the way back to the hotel and Lukas holds Philip’s hand, brushing his thumb over his knuckles.

  They walk down the hallway and Lukas spins the key between his thumb and pointer finger.

 “I’m excited to see our room,” Philip says, holding onto his arm as they walk.

 “I’m excited to get out of these clothes,” Lukas says, worrying for a minute that they’ll have to pay extra for the tuxedos because they’re so damn messed up.

 “Me too,” Philip says, grinning at him.

 They get to their room and Lukas opens the door, flipping the light on.

 “Oh wow,” Philip says, walking inside. “It’s a suite?”

 “Only the best for baby’s birthday,” Lukas says, closing and locking the door behind them. He drops the overnight bag on the floor and looks around. The radio is on and seems to be playing oldies music, which Lukas instantly takes a liking to, much to his surprise. He figures Dad and Gabe left it on, and he momentarily pictures them talking about ‘romantic ambiance’ and tries not to break into hysterics. He walks over to the fridge and checks inside—the cake is there and it’s goddamn perfect.

 “Something in the fridge?” Philip asks, peering around.

 “Something for later,” Lukas says, quickly closing the door. He recognizes the next song that comes on immediately—I Only Have Eyes for You. For some reason, it always reminds him of his mom, and a vague memory of her and his dad dancing to it pops into his mind. He rushes back into the living room where Philip is standing, and figures the presents are in the bedroom. Gabe must have done that on his own.

 “You’re moving fast,” Philip says, looking him up and down.

 “Come here,” Lukas says, grabbing him, resuming the position they were in on the dance floor. They sway a little back and forth, but they’re still dripping wet, so Lukas peels off Philip’s jacket and lets it drop to the floor.

 “I like this better,” Philip whispers, taking off Lukas’s jacket too.

 They move back and forth and slowly take off each other’s clothes, Lukas dipping his head down for Philip to take off his tie. Lukas kisses Philip’s cheek and undoes the buttons of his shirt, slipping a hand into it and pressing against his chest. They’re still swaying, half-heartedly dancing, and once they’re down to their boxer-briefs they start kissing in earnest, Philip wrapping his arms around Lukas’s neck. The song changes to Can’t Help Falling in Love and Lukas pulls him in close, tilting his head for a better angle as he slips his tongue into Philip’s mouth.

 They’re dancing more now than they were at prom but they’re half naked and making out too, alone and away from everybody else. Lukas draws his fingers back and forth across Philip’s waist and runs his hands up his back. Philip tangles his hands in Lukas’s wet hair, moaning when Lukas presses forward into him.

 Lukas nips at his lip when the kiss ends, still swaying. “Let’s take a shower.”

 “Get wetter,” Philip breathes.

 “Better wetter,” Lukas says against his mouth. “Clean wet. Naked wet. You and me alone wet.”

 “Perfect,” Philip whispers.

 Lukas backs him up towards the bedroom, and when he’s in there he pops his eye open and sees the two presents on the bed. He kisses Philip to distract him, pulling him into the bathroom.

 They only break apart so Lukas can reach into the stall to turn on the water, but the whole time Philip is sucking at his neck, nails lightly grazing his chest. Lukas lets out a heavy breath, hardly able to concentrate. He waves his hand under the water and finds it warm enough for them to get in, so he grabs at Philip’s boxer briefs.

 “Can I take these off?” he whispers, pressing a long kiss to his cheek.

 “Uh, yes,” Philip says. “Take yours off too.”

 Lukas pulls Philip’s off and then steps out of his own, the two of them backing up into the shower stall. The water feels nice, a lot goddamn better than the hotel sprinklers, and Lukas will never get over how Philip’s body feels under his hands. How he arches into his touch, melts against him, every move Lukas makes followed by something perfect and corresponding from Philip. They kiss and they kiss and Lukas’s head is spinning as he pushes Philip against the wall.

 “Can I touch you, baby?” Lukas whispers, rutting forward, the water pouring down on their heads. “Please, please.”

 “God, yes,” Philip says, the back of his head hitting the wall. “Both, both of us—both at the same—”

 And Lukas knows what he means, nodding. They’re both hard and Lukas is aching as they slide together—he wraps his hand around both their cocks and starts to work them steady. The first touch is a jolt in his heart, wild and electric, and his breath hitches as he glances down at his fingers wound around the both of them. So close, so fucking intimate. The water slides down his back and it looks like diamonds caught in Philip’s eyelashes—Lukas can’t stand it, leaning in to lick up his neck, starting to suck at the hinge of his jaw.

 Philip clings to his shoulders, his eyebrows knitting together. “Fuck, Lukas, oh God—”

 Lukas thumbs over the head of Philip’s cock and smears his precome over the both of them, groaning and sucking in a breath. The water makes everything so much easier and he presses closer, peppering kisses over Philip’s face. “You’re so gorgeous, baby,” Lukas says, bringing their mouths together.

 “You’re amazing,” Philip says. “Amazing, amazing—”

 Lukas picks up his pace, squeezing a little bit, pumping his hips forward. Philip reaches up to grab his neck, breathing hard into Lukas’s mouth. Lukas traces over Philip’s lower lip with his free hand and Philip sucks his thumb into his mouth, dragging his tongue over it. They lock eyes and Lukas starts trembling, can hardly fucking deal with how incredible Philip looks. “Oh fuck,” he moans, dragging his thumb out of Philip’s mouth and along his upper lip now.

 “So close,” Philip whispers, bucking up into Lukas’s hand.

 Lukas sees stars when he does it, his thighs shaking. His legs feel like they’re gonna drop out from under him and Philip keeps making these little ah, ah noises, grabbing onto Lukas’s hair. He tugs on it and Lukas gasps, tips forward, pressing his face into Philip’s neck as he comes. Philip follows fast and Lukas works him through it, clinging to his neck.

 Lukas breathes hard and then reaches back, holding his hand under the water. After a moment or two of that he wraps his arms tight around Philip, holding him close. He kisses the junction between his neck and his shoulder over and over, nuzzling his nose there. Philip giggles and Lukas can’t help but smile too.

 “You make me feel so good,” Philip whispers, cupping the back of Lukas’s head. “It’s like you’re in my brain when you’re touching me.”

 “Maybe I am,” Lukas says, straightening up a little bit and kissing his temple. “Now lemme wash that hair of yours. With this…” he twists around, looking at the bottles hanging on the wall, “…with this awesome strawberry hotel shampoo.”

 ~

 They take turns washing each other’s hair and Lukas runs the soap all over Philip’s body, getting close to turning him on again before he pulls himself back. They dry off fast—there are robes hanging outside the stall and they both laugh and make fun of them but put them on anyway, considering they left the overnight bag in the hallway.

 “Okay,” Lukas says, grabbing Philip’s hand before he opens the door. “Present time. If you hate them then I can do some returning, I think—”

 Philip makes a face at him. “I’m not gonna hate anything you give me, Lukas. You didn’t even have to—”

 “Nope!” Lukas says, shaking his head. “Don’t start with that crap.”

 Philip smiles sweetly at him, and Lukas opens the door. He flips on the bedroom light and the two presents are sitting on the bed. He’d wrapped them himself and he’s still impressed with how well he was able to do it. He looks over and sees Philip’s eyes lighting up, climbing onto the bed and pulling Lukas along with him.

 “Open the big one first,” Lukas says, settling down.

 “I hope this isn’t too serious,” Philip says, narrowing his eyes at him as he pulls the box closer.

 Lukas revels at their situation for a moment. In this nice hotel room, in white fluffy robes, which technically means that Philip is still naked. He wants to go back and talk to the scared version of himself that first set eyes on Philip, what feels like eons ago. He wants to tell him they’re going to go to prom together, and no one is going to bother them about it. He wants to tell him Dad actually took a couple picture of him and Philip that he’ll probably get printed. He wants to tell him that they’ll have this moment and it’ll be the most comfortable thing he’ll ever feel, being with Philip like this.

 He wants to tell past Lukas that it’s all going to be alright. That his feelings are valid, his feelings are real. They’re so real they burn inside his veins, a kind of fire he wants to chase, wants to feed. Because Philip is the only thing he’s ever touched that makes him feel alive.

 He swallows hard and tilts his head to the side, saying nothing. He watches Philip undo the wrapping and gasp audibly when he sees the box. He looks over at Lukas, his eyes shining with tears and his mouth hanging open. “Lukas, this is too goddamn expensive.”

 “No it’s not,” Lukas says. He’d been saving for it for months, and Dad actually helped out in the end. Lukas still can’t think about it without getting a little emotional.

 “It’s a Nikon, I know how much they are,” Philip says, tugging at the part of the robe closest to his neck. “A really nice one too, oh my God—”

 “It’s better than the camera you have,” Lukas says, watching him turn the box over, muttering something to himself. “And this is the kit, it has the bag and the extra lens. And I bought a memory card and put it in there.”

 “Oh my God, Lukas,” Philip says, still staring at it.

 “You like it?” Lukas asks, his ears red.

 Philip looks up at him, his eyes wide. Then, he crawls over, closing the distance between them and climbing on top of Lukas. Lukas yelps a little in surprise as Philip pushes him down, crashing their mouths together. Once again, he thinks perfect naked skin under this robe but he tries to keep his hands tamed and resting on Philip’s waist as they kiss, knowing there’s one more present and a cake that need Philip’s attention. But the kiss deepens and Lukas’s right hand falters a little bit, dragging down to Philip’s ass on its own accord.

 “Yes,” Philip whispers against his lips. “Yes, I love it. It’s too much.”

 ���It’s not,” Lukas says. “I wanna buy you everything.”

 “No,” Philip says, grinning, their noses brushing together.

 “Yes,” Lukas emphasizes. “Now open the next one.”

 Philip nods and kisses him three times in a row, bracing himself on the mattress to climb off of Lukas. “I’m almost afraid to see what it is,” he says, licking his lips.

 “I think…I hope you’ll like it,” Lukas says, his heart hammering in his chest.

 Philip takes it in his hands delicately and starts to unwrap it. The box doesn’t give it away, just plain black, and Philip puts the wrapping aside and slips the top off.

 “I noticed that you didn’t wear a watch and you mentioned wanting to, uh, get one,” Lukas says, scooting closer to him. “But I wanted to make it special because you’re special.” He clears his throat and his ears are burning even hotter now. “Uh—I thought the black and that, uh—wine color were nice. Good for you. I was worried you wouldn’t be able to read the writing but they filled it in silver so it…came out nice.”

 Philip is just staring down at the watch in his hand and he slowly turns it over. Lukas remembers pacing around in the Fossil store, spending nearly an hour there while Philip texted him flirty messages about presents, and finally he came up with the phrase that Philip is reading right now. They’d taken care of it in an afternoon, and Lukas felt like he was waiting for a goddamn baby to be born. But it came out perfect.

 Not even time could take me away from you. P + L

 Lukas scoots up closer behind Philip and rests his chin on his shoulder. “I liked the idea of something—reassuring like that pressing against your skin,” Lukas says, soft. “So, I hope you, uh—I hope you like it and you want to wear it.”

 Philip sucks in a breath and Lukas can hear him sniff a little bit, and when he cranes his neck to look at him he can see a few tears falling. He reaches over to wipe them away, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. He presses his forehead to Philip’s temple, hugging him from behind. “I love you, Philip. So much.”

 “Lukas,” Philip says, with a sigh. He shakes his head and twists in Lukas’s arms, cupping his cheek with his free hand and leaning in to kiss him. It’s sweet and chaste but there’s a lot behind it, and when it breaks he rests their foreheads against each other. “Thank you so much.”

 “You really like it?” Lukas asks, smiling.

 “I love it,” Philip says, looking down at it. “I’m in love with it. I’m in love with you.” They both laugh, Lukas running his hand up and down Philip’s arm. “Can you put it on me?” Philip asks.

 “Course,” Lukas says. He reaches down and closes it around Philip’s wrist, clicking the latch into place.

 “I’m almost afraid to wear it, it’s so goddamn nice,” Philip says, looking down. “I can tell it’s expensive, you idiot.”

 “Idiot in love, spends money,” Lukas says, shrugging.

 Philip turns, climbing into Lukas’s lap. The robe shifts around his body and Lukas is once again reminded that they’re both naked, his eyelids fluttering a little bit.

 “We’ve got cake still,” Lukas says, his voice straining as he snakes his arms around him.

 “What kind of cake?” Philip asks, hands resting along Lukas’s neck, the steel of the watch cold against Lukas’s skin.

 “German chocolate,” Lukas says, still proud of that.

 Philip’s face lights up. “You’re the most wonderful, sexiest, most intelligent human being in the whole galaxy.”

 Lukas raises his eyebrows. “The entire galaxy?”

 “And beyond,” Philip says.

 They kiss for a few minutes after that, liquid and languid, hands roaming and bodies rocking against each other.

 “I’m sorry prom was stupid,” Lukas whispers, his eyelids heavy.

 “It was perfect,” Philip says, kissing the height of Lukas’s cheekbone. “This whole day was perfect. You’re perfect.”

 Lukas thinks Philip is the most perfect thing he’s ever seen. He’s always hated himself, never thought he was doing the right thing, but now, with Philip—it finally feels like he’s found the freedom to love himself. Because if someone as incredible as Philip loves him…there’s got to be something good here.

 “Carry me into the living room, babe,” Philip says, wrapping his arms tighter around Lukas’s neck. “Let’s get at that cake.”

 “Mmm, yes sir,” Lukas says, inching his hands under Philip’s thighs and hoisting him into his arms. He scoots over to the side of the bed, both of them giggling, and holds him tight when he gets to his feet.

 “I love you, baby,” Philip whispers, as they move into the living room. He kisses Lukas’s temple, then his cheek, then the side of his nose.

 “I love you too, Philip,” Lukas says. “Happy Birthday.”

 Lukas feeds him cake on the pull-out couch and they make love there because they’re too lazy to try and get back to the bed, or too wrapped up in each other to care. Philip falls asleep with a lovely, content smile on his face, and Lukas has never felt so damn happy.