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pandorasword · 1 year ago

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Chaeri as the 8th and youngest member of BTS.

CHAERI'S MASTERLIST

❒ OPTIONAL PREVIOUS READING: SILVER LIPS PT.1 | SILVER LIPS PT.2 It can actually stand alone

❒ genre: Angst

❒ words: 7.5k

❒ summary: In which a kiss leads Chaeri to a forced hiatus and, when she returns to Korea for New Year's Eve, Jungkook decides to visit her

❒ warnings: swearing; heated argument;

❒ pairing: Jungkook x 8thmember!OC

❒ notes: I've had this drabble in my drafts for quite some time but could never find the courage to finish it. I'd really like to know what you think about it, I've put a lot of effort into it 🤧

2 a.m. decisions

December 31, 2021

Jungkook found himself in a hazy state, caught between the realms of sleep and wakefulness, as he lay back on the ferry that would take him from Seoul to Jeju Island. The gentle rocking of the boat, coupled with the rhythmic hum of the engine, created a soothing lullaby that threatened to draw him deeper into his dreams.

As his eyes fluttered shut, memories intertwined with his subconscious to form vivid images of a recent meeting. It had been almost a month ago that he and Chaeri had sat before their superiors, anxiety coursing through their veins. The atmosphere had been tense, and they knew that the consequences that lay ahead would shape their uncertain future.

In a dreamlike state, the scene unfolded before him. The conference room was cold and sterile, the polished table standing as a barrier between the artists and the authority figures. The managers' stern expressions reflected their disapproval, his head had turned towards Chaeri to catch the emotion behind her eyes.

Had he ever seen her really afraid before? Not that he could remember, and at that moment the resolute set of her jaw was no different. She shifted in her seat, glancing around the room with a cool detachment.

She looked nonchalantly at the people in front of them, as if they would not tell her again that the relationship she was desperately clinging to had to end once and for all.

The thump of a manager's hand on the desk made him flinch in both dream and reality; an overhead image of him and Chaeri locked in a kiss in a dressing room began to form before his eyes.

Anger and shame at the invasion of their privacy brought a warmth to his cheeks.

"Do you have any idea how much we had to pay to keep those photos from getting out?"

Chaeri's delicate hand, adorned with a ring on each finger, swept across his view, taking the photo and studying it. The corners of her lips turned up, "Too bad, we look great in this one" she said in a mocking voice.

Jungkook wanted to tell her not to try these people's patience, but he knew that Chaeri wouldn't listen to anyone.

"This is embarrassing," the manager remarked, eyes bulging and face flushed. He quickly snatched the photo away from Chaeri, knowing that something so dangerous in her possession could become even more so.

"It's a shame there were cameras in our dressing room instead" she stood up and tapped the wood of the luxurious desk with both palms, "Should we perhaps take legal action against those who are supposed to be in charge of our privacy? How much money would that cost?"

Jungkook's heart raced as Chaeri's defiant words hung in the air. He knew that her fiery spirit couldn't be tamed, but he also understood the consequences of further challenging their managers. He felt a mixture of admiration and apprehension.

There was an uneasy silence in the room. The managers exchanged glances, their expressions a mixture of frustration and resignation. It was clear that the situation had got out of hand.

The man who had confiscated the incriminating picture let out a sigh and tried to hide his anger. He leaned back in his chair, his features softening as he met Jungkook's gaze. "We've invested a lot in this group," he said, knowing that he had to put pressure on Jungkook, that he was the weak link between the two in this case, "Our main concern is to preserve the team's reputation and stability."

Then he leaned forward, his voice filled with a mixture of toughness and false concern. "Jungkook, we have come to a delicate conclusion" he began, his eyes searching for any sign of understanding from the young idol. "In order to prevent further negative impact on the group's image and possible scandals, we believe it would be best for you to complete your military service earlier than originally planned."

"No!" the words roll out of his tongue, his eyes wide.

He did not know if his mind was distorting the memory of that day in his sleep, but he seemed to see a satisfied smile on the Executive's face. His eyes slid from him to her, who had returned to her seat, her hands clenched in what appeared to be a painful grip. She held back from speaking, knowing it would only make the situation worse.

"We've talked about enlisting and it's still a long way off for me" Jungkook added, trying to appear more composed.

Joining the army meant putting his life on hold, leaving his family, friends, activities, music and fans behind.

He didn't want to do that. He wasn't ready.

He still had so much to do.

Just as the dream reached its crescendo, Jungkook was jolted awake.

A child running away from his mother's arms had stumbled over his feet and landed on his legs.

In the eyes of others, the mask and hat made him an ordinary citizen on the ferry to join his family for New Year's Eve.

He rubbed his eyes with one hand and tried to push the remnants of that restless sleep out of his mind.

After all, he had not had to do his military service. Not yet.

He felt guilty about it, as if the blame he placed on himself was not enough.

He pinched his nose from above his mask, a little self-inflicted punishment for causing the sequence of events that had brought him, that had brought them both, to this point.

He used to do it every time the images of him and Chaeri outside the office played in his head; when he had pulled his arm away from her touch because he was too angry, too committed to how unfair the choice they had forced him to make was, to the way they controlled his life.

The following day, the staff told him and the other males in BTS that a statement would be posted on Big Hit's official account that afternoon.

Jungkook had been nauseous, ready to read about his departure into the gloomy world as a cadet. But... it did not turn out the way he thought it would.

Hello.

This is Big Hit Music.

We would like to take this opportunity to address an important matter regarding one of our talented artists, Chaeri, from BTS. As you know, we at Big Hit Entertainment prioritize open communication with our fans, and we believe it is crucial to keep you informed about the happenings within our agency and the group.

After careful consideration and discussions with Chaeri, we have come to a mutual decision regarding her future endeavors. Chaeri has expressed a deep passion for choreography and an eagerness to further explore her skills in this field. In pursuit of her dreams, Chaeri will be taking a temporary hiatus from the group to pursue a degree in choreography in the United States.

While we understand that this news may come as a surprise and possibly evoke mixed emotions, we want to emphasize that Chaeri's temporary departure is not a permanent separation. It is a strategic decision made to provide her with the opportunity to grow and develop her artistic abilities, ultimately benefiting her and the group in the long run.

During her time abroad, Chaeri will have the chance to immerse herself in a new environment and gain valuable experiences in the field of choreography. We have every confidence that she will seize this opportunity and return to us with an enhanced skill set, bringing a fresh perspective to her artistry and the group's performances.

We also want to assure our fans that BTS will continue its activities and promotions as a unified and dedicated team. The remaining members will work diligently to deliver the music and performances that you have come to love and expect from us. We kindly ask for your continued support and encouragement during this transitional period.

Chaeri's absence may be felt, but we believe that it is a necessary step in her personal and artistic growth. We hope that you will join us in sending her your warmest wishes as she embarks on this new chapter of her journey. We firmly believe that her passion, dedication, and undeniable talent will shine through as she pursues her dreams.

Please keep an eye out for future updates as we share Chaeri's progress and any developments regarding her return.

As always, we are deeply grateful for your unwavering support and love for BTS. Together, we will continue to make unforgettable memories and write a remarkable story.

Thank you for your support and understanding during this time.

Sincerely,

Big Hit Entertainment

And December 1 was the day he had to say goodbye to her.

─────────

Chaeri's feet pressed against the aged cobblestone pathway leading to her father's humble abode, and the memories of adolescence came flooding back. She felt 13 years old again, as if she'd never grown up at all.

The red tiled roof had seen better days, its vibrant hue now faded with age, but it still stood strong against the elements that battered against it for years. White washed walls with deep blue tiles adorned one side of the house, and this image was burnt into Chaeri's mind like a snapshot from an old photo album. The memory of the afternoon she spent with her grandmother, painting with her tile by tile, belonged to almost ten years.

She had been pushing for years to upgrade her father to a nicer place; something more modern and comfortable. But no matter how hard she pleaded or cajoled, his answer always remained the same: 'No'.

An invigorating salty smell filled Chaeri's nostrils, while the sound of waves crashing against the shore resonated in the air and spread throughout the way to her father's home. Chaeri smiled fondly; she was happy that her father never agreed with her after all.

The house may have been small, but in the short time that she had lived there, she had always found it to be full of love and warmth, and most of her fondest memories had dwelt there.

Her eyes glazed over as she waited for her dad to come and open the door, knocking with slightly shaking hands.

She told herself that the tears that threatened her eyes came from the strong wind that was blowing through her hair, bringing fistfuls of sand from the beach a few yards away that irritated her iris, and it was not because going back there, in the situation she was in, made her feel helpless, just as how she felt when she was a teenager.

She was an adult now, but what had been the difference?

Her life still seemed to be scripted by others.

After a time that seemed endless, but was really only a handful of seconds, her father's face peered through the door.

He had salt and pepper hair, sweet lines around his eyes and a smile that warmed her heart.

"Chaeri, my beautiful daughter. I am so happy to see you. My little cherry."

Chaeri melted into the warmth of her father's embrace. She could feel his calloused hands squeezing her, the scent of fried fish wafting from his woollen shirt and the tingle of his unkempt beard on her cheek.

She was at home.

─────────

Chaeri was finally out of the expensive clothes she'd been wearing all day and had her photo taken at Incheon airport for her return to Korea.

She had been anxious on the flight back, it was her first time back since BigHit announced her temporary (forced) hiatus, and she was concerned of how her fans would react to, but she was met with an outpour of love and support that melted away all of her worries.

In order to spend the day at home, she had opted to wear something much more comfortable and warm.

Her father had lit a fire in the hearth and although the rooms were now cosy, the chill from the nearby ocean still managed to penetrate through the sealed windows, especially when the wind blew hard outside.

As Chaeri sank into the plush cushions of the couch, her father bustled into the room with a steaming mug of hot cocoa. The smell of chocolate and warmth filled her nose, and she gratefully wrapped her hands around it, feeling the heat seeping through her fingers and radiating up to her cheeks. She took a sip and closed her eyes, letting out a contented sigh that resonated deep within her chest.

Her father sat down on the armrest of the couch where she was relaxing "How was your flight, my cherry?"

"It was good, appa" she raised her gaze to meet his, a small smile brightened her face "The fans were so supportive, it made me feel grateful for them" She took another sip of the boiling liquid, a hint of chocolate staining her lip, and just like when she was a child, he wiped her face with his thumb and laughed a gentle, fatherly laugh "I'm just happy to be back home with you"

"I'm glad you're back, my daughter. You know I love having you here with me. Your grandmother and I have missed you a lot"

"By the way!" she said, rising abruptly from the couch. She took one of her father's hands and put the steaming mug between his fingers: "I've brought you a souvenir. When is Granny coming home?"

Without waiting for an answer, Chaeri ran to her teenage bedroom, rummaged through her suitcase until she found a crumpled package "Magnet!" With child-like excitement, she unwrapped a little city skyline printed over a bright red background and showed it to her father before perching on the kitchen counter to add it to the long collection on their fridge door, Chaeri smiled to herself – collecting fridge magnets was a family tradition.

"Granny will be home soon, you know how she is. She never misses a drink with her friends" The man put the mug on the table, then walked over and looked at the beautiful representation Chaeri had bought "So, how was New York? Is life there what you expected? Have you met people? You're studying hard. Aren't you?"

She stared out the window for a few seconds, mesmerized by the fury of the sea. The waves crashed against the shore with a furious roar and salty foam flew from their peaks as they crested. Seagulls bobbed on the turbulent surface, trying to swoop low enough to snag fish but being forced back up into the air each time an especially large wave rolled in.

Her heart sank with dread.

Was she supposed to tell him the truth?

She knew her father was a kind and sensitive man; would he be able to handle learning that his loved daughter was unhappy? That his daughter had offered to take a break from her career in order to keep Jungkook from having to go off to the military?

No, she wasn't going to tell him anything

"New York was great, dad. I can't wait to go back there to continue my studies."

Her father's mouth turned up at the corner, pleased with her response. He patted her head fondly. "That's good to hear, my cherry. I always knew you were destined for great things." He leaned in closer, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "And what does Jungkook think? Your boyfriend is not going to miss you being so many miles away from him?"

Chaeri's cheeks burned as she realized he thought Jungkok was still her boyfriend.

She felt awful for not mentioning even that part of her life, thinking it would make him and her grandmother terribly unhappy. Jungkook had been a family member in their eyes, although no one else of her family knew.

Damn it, she had to stop lying.

"Dad, Jungkook and I.."

"My beautiful Chaeri, you are home!! Come and give your granny a hug"

As she spoke, Kang Myeong-ja - her grandmother - burst into the room, unannounced as always. The familiar scent of lavender and musk mingled with cigarette smoke hit her nose. Grandma's hair, dyed a deep coal black, contrasted with the few strands of white that started to sprout at the roots. She wore a smart expression on her face, complimented by a pearl necklace that hung around her neck. The sight of her grandmother made the truth that was about to spill from her tongue vanish in an instant and be replaced with an overwhelming urge to embrace the elder.

─────────

Chaeri’s stomach grumbled as the fragrant aroma of her father’s cooking wafted through the air. He had spent all the morning fishing in the nearby ocean and was now busy chopping, simmering, and sautéing a variety of seafood, vegetables, and herbs. She smiled as she heard his hearty laughter mingling with her grandmother's sweet southern drawl coming from the kitchen. Setting the table, Chaeri felt excited for a delicious family dinner.

Her father carefully placed the lengthy plate onto the table with a triumphant grin that could only mean one thing - it was time for her to take a picture for Jin. Since the first time the two met, they created a bond that was so strong and paternal, almost as if Jin were his son.

With sincere pride glinting in his eyes, her dad beamed upon her and said: “Here, take a good picture for my beloved Jin – this will make him proud.”

A delicious fried fish recipe was photographed by Chaeri and posted on the group chat she shared with her members

She spent a few moments re-reading the messages the boys had sent the day before, when she had warned them that she would only be back in Korea for a few days and would not be able to visit them.

"Text him, text your boyfriend!" Grandma giggled and sat in her rocking chair, a lit cigar perched between two fingers. "Tell him he's a punk. Holidays are supposed to be spent with your loved ones" she shook her head in slight disappointment, her eyes never losing that hint of teasing she used to play with her "That excuse of being too busy doesn't hold up. Tsk" Smoke drifted out of her mouth in rivulets, curling around each other before disappearing into the air, leaving no trace of their passage.

Chaeri's eyes turned to her grandmother's face. They reflected the sparks from the crackling wood in the fireplace and the festive lights the homeowners had carefully placed in every corner of the house.

Chaeri put her mobile phone back in her pocket and bit her lip "Grandma, please stop" She rolled her eyes with fake annoyance "Jungkook is always busy, even busier than me. Don't blame him" Don't blame him if BigHit is forbidding us to be a couple, she wanted to tell her.

"I'll give him a good scolding the next time I see him!"

"I'll have him come prepared to hear you scream"

Her father chuckled at their banter, a wide smile on his face while bringing to the table yet another plate of something that smells awfully delicious "It's good to have you home. We should do this more often, have family dinners together"

"It is not a family dinner if my granddaughter’s beloved fiancé is not with us!"

"Grandma!!! I don't even understand why you're taking it so personally, when you were young you didn't even use to celebrate 31 December"

"Are you calling me old, you little brat?"

"I would never do that"

"Come on, Mom, he'll definitely be here for New Year's Eve in February. Isn't that right, Chaeri?"

"Sure" she replied unconvincingly, purposely keeping her eyes down on the table as she committed her own hands to arranging plates and glasses to the places where they would be seated in a minute.

"I'll buy it when I see it" her grandmother huffed out another mouthful of cigar.

The ringing of the front door bell prevented both Chaeri and her dad from answering the perky old lady.

"I'll get it" the girl made her way to the front door, but was stopped by Myeong-ja.

"Let me take care of it. It will definitely be Jae-suk."

"Your neighbor?"

"Yes, she lost at Gò-Stop this morning and promised me a plate of her delicious hotteok. She better not see you, her granddaughter adores you."

"Oh, okay."

She walked just far enough away to help her father again with the serving and setting the food on the table when, a few feet away, she heard an excited shout "Jungkook-ah! Look how handsome you've gotten, my little one!" and then a thud that sounded a lot like a slap against a shoulder " You are the same old slouch, Is it right to show up right at dinnertime?"

"Excuse me granny"

Chaeri almost dropped the glass in her hand as she turned to witness that indeed, to her horror and delight, Jungkook was actually in the doorway.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything" he said, as he made his way into the room. "I just wanted to-"

Chaeri skipped over to Jungkook, her arms outstretched. She hugged his muscled arm tightly and pressed a soft kiss against his cheek, mouthing the words "Please play along" into his ear.

With an overly exaggerated smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, Chaeri said brightly, “You just wanted to surprise me? That's so sweet, I was hurt when you told me yesterday that you couldn't be here because of work commitments.”

Jungkook's mouth dropped open in surprise before realization dawned on him. He laughed nervously and nodded. "That's right," he said. "A surprise."

─────────

Jeju was experiencing an unusually harsh winter that year, with bitterly cold winds that challenged the effectiveness of heaters and fireplaces, struggling to keep the moisture from seeping through the wooden cracks in the windows.

Despite the icy weather, Chaeri found herself feeling surprisingly hot, almost on the brink of sweating. As they all gathered around the table, seated on cushions embroidered by her grandmother, the traditional tatami table exuded a gentle warmth, which was comforting. Under the tablecloth, her leg was pressed against Jungkook's, adding to her flustered feelings.

Surprisingly, dinner was proceeding smoothly, contrary to her initial fear of a catastrophic turn of events. Chaeri had worried that Jungkook might confess to her family about their break-up, about how living in New York was not her choice, that BigHit was holding her to a contract where she had as much to gain as to lose; topics that wouldn't be ideal for a holiday dinner conversation. However, Jungkook had skillfully caught on and played along with the facade.

In those four walls that night, he was still her boyfriend. He interacted warmly with

her family, laughing with her father, pouring alcohol for her grandmother, and serving her generously. Despite the true situation they were in, Chaeri found herself yearning for a moment when she could forget everything and lean her head on Jungkook's shoulder between plates, holding his hand, and feeling the sweetness of his kisses on her knuckles…

Jungkook appeared to sense Chaeri's unspoken desires, or perhaps he shared similar feelings, as he gently wrapped his arm around her shoulders, offering her a comforting embrace. She gratefully leaned into his supportive presence, finding solace in his touch.

As the dinner came to an end, the guy spoke up, expressing his appreciation, "Everything was delicious, sir. Thank you for the dinner."

Her father smiled warmly, responding, "Thank you for coming, Jungkook-ah."

With the atmosphere filled with warmth and love, the older man refilled all four glasses, as the clock struck just a few minutes to midnight.

Dad and Grandma exchanged a knowing glance as they held up their glasses containing fizzy, alcoholic drinks. "Now that we're in our golden years..." he began, only to be interrupted by Grandma's scoff. "Speak for yourself!" she exclaimed, sparking laughter throughout the room. Dad chuckled before restarting his speech. "Alright, let me restart: Since you are younger than us..can I go on?" He asked his mother, who nodded in approval with a grin. "Let this midnight toast be for you. May life bring you joy and lead you to wherever your hearts desire, always side-by-side."

─────────

"Are you sure you don't want to come, even if it's later? It is going to be a long celebration in town" Grandma shouted over the sound of fireworks as her son helped her put on a warm coat.

"No, Granny," Chaeri and Jungkook replied in unison, still seated at the table while the rest of their family was getting ready to attend the beach festivities."Someone might recognize us and cause a big fuss, so you both go have fun instead! Make lots of videos!" she smiled.

"I can try to make a few without my finger blocking the camera," her father joked as he bundled up in a coat, scarf, and gloves to ward off the cold temperatures. "I can't promise anything though!"

"We'll appreciate the effort."

The man paused in the doorway, turning to them. "Chaeri, you remember how to handle the generator issue, right?"

The girl nodded, recalling the seemingly endless power outages during her stay at the house and how often her father had been forced to reset the electric generator in the backyard.

They all had strong emotional ties to that home, but objectively it needed a thorough renovation.

Chaeri gave his father a thumbs up and said confidently, "No problem. But why do we have to be so unlucky as to lose power just tonight?"

"One never knows" he replied, and shut the door behind him.

Maybe he just had a feeling that it was about to happen, or maybe it happened so often that it was a coincidence; but within a few minutes of her father saying that, the house suddenly plunged into darkness, leaving the two of them uncertain if they should brave the cold and restore the electricity or take advantage of this unexpected darkness.

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The darkness wrapped them like a blanket, the way children build forts out of pillows and comforters to hide from adult eyes.

The darkness gave them that kind of comfort, the lines of their faces barely visible, their lips emitting little puffs of cold from the sudden selloff of the house's heating, their legs touching under the table-the only real clue that they were really side by side.

The moon was obscured by clouds that evening, failing to provide any kind of illumination inside the houses whose rooflights were off. It seemed as if it had never risen, the moon, also too busy in celebration to really care to do its duty.

From the window, at irregular intervals, fireworks rose into the sky, bursting into tiny colored teardrops in order to fall back to the ground.

From his seat, Jungkook, whenever this happened, had the impression that Chaeri was being crowned with the most beautiful of jewels.

The few seconds of dim glow from the plaza festivities and the fireworks allowed the two to be able to look at each other.

They were an inch away from each other, yet the distance weighed between them as if they were still on two different continents.

Her half-moon of dark lashes had trapped small tears at the tips, which threatened to trickle down her cheeks at any moment.

His slightly flushed nose, a synonym they were sharing the same feeling.

Gently, two of Chaeri's fingertips went to meet the small scar on Jungkook's cheek, running over it more than once. That simple gesture was able to give them both warmth in a room that had grown icy in a matter of minutes.

She didn't need to be able to see to trace every line of his face.

She knew by heart every mole, every scar, every hard line that had formed since he had become a man. She knew where his lips began and ended, where the dimples appeared of which, as a young man, he had been so ashamed to show.

Jungkook abandoned himself against her fingers, leading her to open her palm to take in his face, needy of her touch. He had always been. Even before he knew he was totally, hopelessly in love with her, he had always longed to be caressed by Chaeri.

The game of colors arising in the house from the crackling of rockets in the sky brought back to his mind an evening of many years before when, under the twinkling lights of one of Seoul's largest night markets, Jungkook had thought Chaeri was breathtakingly beautiful. And over the years, she had only blossomed even more.

He bent his face just enough to allow his lips to tangle with her fingers, and leave a small kiss on each of them, from thumb to pinky.

Chaeri's lips parted to make the slightest sound, pleased by the guy's attentions "I've missed you" she bit her lip soon after, words like that had the taste of forbidden since they had been forced to break up years earlier because of the contract they had with their company. A huge price for a huge success, her manager often told her.

But such seemingly poisoned words, how could they taste like honey? How could any declaration of love, in any form, be so destructive?

"I'm sorry," Jungkook whispered, his mouth still moving against her skin "It's my fault" he found the strength to break the contact they had made and Chaeri's hand fell back onto her lap.

"It's not your fault" she grabbed with her fingers the pillow Jungkook was sitting on, stitched with patterns of silver waves and little sailboats. She pulled him more toward her, to further erase the space between them.

She could then feel his breath on her skin.

"They forced you away because of me."

"I chose to do that."

"Because of me. I should have... I should have just done what they wanted and not complained" His eyes sparkled because of the veil of tears that had formed in front of his irises, another firework illuminated his face enough for Chaeri to see his struggling expression.

She forced herself to make a smile and, when she realized that the room had descended into darkness again, she reached for Jungkook's hand and brought it to her lips, allowing him to feel the upward curve of it "For me it's New York, I am studying what I like. That's the way it should be. Your alternative was..." a shiver ran down her spine as she spoke "...enlisting."

Just the thought of him leaving so prematurely made her stomach turn, the taste of all the fried fish her father had cooked rising in her throat in an acid grip.

"You speak English less than I do" Jungkook began cautiously, pressing his thumb on the girl's lower lip "You hate to study" his other fingers went to close around her chin "You wanted to stay with us" He exhaled abruptly through his nose, to hold back the anger that was mounting inside him "How could it be better this way? It wasn't what you wanted."

"It's okay" she told him, her voice soft but firm. She wanted the anger inside him to fade, wanted him to be fine.

She moved just close enough to press her lips to his, their legs colliding in that now uncomfortable position made her decide to sit on him. She slipped her legs from the calves down under the edge of the tablecloth. She had not sat so that her body was facing him totally, but it was enough for her to turn just enough for their noses to collide.

Jungkook's arms did not hesitate in clinging to her hips, grabbing onto the soft cotton of the sweater Chaeri was wearing with his fingertips, savoring the feel of her lips on his. Her lips were always so smooth, he thought. He had never kissed lips as soft.

His head spun as they both parted their lips to taste each other, caressing tongues. He felt like a teenager again at the first kiss, his cheeks burning and his heart going so hard he could hear the powerful pounding in his ears, muffling any other noise.

When their mouths snapped at the separation, Chaeri stuck her head between Jungkook's neck and shoulder. His scent invaded all her senses. Would there ever be anyone whose smell she would love as much as his? She doubted it.

Jungkook's hands shifted from her waist to the back of her sweater, caressing the fabric tenderly. He couldn’t get enough of her—the way her body moved with his, the heat radiating from her lips. He wanted to never let go.

"Please...Not yet" he murmured, then nuzzled against her face until their mouths were an inch apart again. "Don't stop."

Chaeri trailed her fingertips down his spine, using the collar of his hoodie as a direct access to his skin. The tips left trails of red in their wake and Jungkook arched his back, letting out a quivering breath.

She clutched him tighter as she captured his parted lips once more.

She did not want to stop kissing him either.

Jungkook lowered himself so that Chaeri was now lying on the wooden floor and then cupped the back of her head with his hand to cushion it from the hard surface; careful not to place all of his weight on top of her, he propped himself up with one elbow beyond her face and knees beside her body.

Chaeri explored his mouth; Jungkook's sweet warmth was like hot honey; kissing him felt like a homecoming to a place she thought she'd lost long ago.

She bent one leg around his hip and pressed down hard enough to make him collapse onto her, melding their bodies together.

Jungkook started giving her frenetic kisses; first at the corner of her lips, then traveling downwards to kiss her exposed throat, making Chaeri's body shudder with delight. He kissed each eyelid in turn and then undid the zipper that kept her warmth in, revealing the smooth expanse of her collarbone and raining more kisses on it repeatedly. His hands began exploring further down, massaging away all tension between them as they moved lower and lower until they finally reached hers hips again where he gripped tightly. He placed his hands behind her back, fingers pressing into her skin and leaving a trail of warmth then settled his head onto her chest.

Chaeri could feel his heart hammering against his chest as it synchronized with hers; breaths coming out in shallow gasps as both tried to calm themselves down “Let’s just stay like this forever” murmured, holding him tight in her arms and kissing the top of his head.

Jungkook did not respond to her words, too overwhelmed with everything that he was feeling; the warmth of her embrace, the faint scent of peaches clinging to her skin, and the tenderness of her touch. All he wanted was to remain in this moment, forgetting the world outside of her cuddle, forgetting why he had gone there in the first place, and that it could not be postponed any further.

"We can't go on like this" Jungkook's words were barely above a whisper, muffled by the way his mouth was pressed against her belly, but despite this, they cut like a knife through the tranquility of their hug. "We can't keep doing this. We can't keep sneaking around and pretending like everything is okay when it's not" He had to strain to make out her features in the deep darkness, barely lifting his head to look into her eyes

"No, we can't" He was right. How many more times would they have to break up because they were caught, only to fall into temptation every time they were alone and feel guilty about the group's future? They could not go on like this. Things had to change

"When I come back we should find a new company."

"Eunwoo will introduce me to a girl"

They talked over each other, overlapping but, despite it, Chaeri had no doubts about what she had heard from him.

Her eyes slowly widened as the realization of Jungkook's words hit her.

She pushed against his chest to make him end up on the ground and she sat down, suddenly the parquet floor felt even colder than before. Her mouth opened several times, but no sound threatened to come out. What was she supposed to say?

A tear escaped Jungkook's eyes and he did not even bother to wipe it away, he positioned himself on his knees, leaning back toward her who instead slid away at least another 30 centimeters "Every time we are together.." His voice trembled, becoming more and more erratic as he watched Chaeri move away from him "We hurt ourselves, or we put our group in trouble" He reached out a hand toward her but stopped it in midair "Every time we're together, it ends up worse for you, and I can't-I can't keep doing this"

Chaeri's eyes filled with tears; A mixture of disbelief, sadness and anger was getting the best of her "Don't use fucking excuses! If you feel like fucking others, don't pretend it's for my sake!" she stood up, and with her so did him.

For a few moments they just stared at each other in silence; Chaeri could feel all her emotions bubbling up inside her ready to explode.

"You know it's not like that" The knot formed in his throat hurt more and more, making choked words come out of his mouth "That's not what I want"

"Then why do you come here talking shit about wanting to meet others! Are you fucking drunk? Did you hit your head?"

Chaeri tried hard to control herself from slapping him back to his senses due to the nonsense he was saying. She understood him more than anyone else, and was sure that the decision he was making was solely influenced by the guilt he felt towards her.

"Listen," she said while nervously running her hand through her hair "This situation is incredibly negative and too much to handle. I know. But we have to face it without overreacting and being impulsive. You always tell me that, right?" She stepped closer to him and added, "Until last month, you were the person advising me. You were the one telling me this stuff. You were the one telling me to be hopeful about our future. You can't come out like that now. I don't accept that."

Jungkook bit his lip so hard he could feel the metallic taste of blood spilling over his tongue, mixed with the salt of the tears he could not contain. He must have seemed pathetic to her, he thought. As pathetic as when she had met him and didn't have the courage to even speak to her.

"We can't go on like this."

"Stop saying that!!" Her miserable self-control had lasted less than a few minutes.

She was sure that if anyone were outside the front door, they would have clearly heard what was going on between the two, as loud as her tone of voice was getting. But she didn't care

"Your problem is that you're a fucking coward!"

He shook his head and closed his eyes, shutting out the world around him. He wasn't a coward, and he knew it.

"I have always fought! I've always turned against the company to try to save our relationship. You wonder why it's always worse for me!? That's the reason, because I always put my neck on the line while you sit back and cry!" her words now tumbling uncontrollably from her lips. It was as if the usual filters between brain and mouth had failed, overwhelmed by the torrent of emotion.

The world before her eyes had transformed into a kaleidoscope of red, anger blurring her perception of reality, overshadowing all reason.

"Are you even listening to me?!"

It was then Jungkook's rage boiled over. A primal urge, unrelated to his actual feelings or thoughts, surged within him. It was an instinctive defense mechanism triggered at the wrong time and aimed towards the wrong person - a countermeasure against her barrage of insults.

"What did you expect me to do! That I would threaten everyone's hard work for a girl?"

Chaeri's breath caught in her throat when she heard the words. They sounded like they were coming from far away, and she couldn't quite make them out. She wanted to believe that she had misheard, but deep down, she knew that wasn't the case. Slowly, painfully, the meaning of the words sunk in. Her heart felt like it was breaking into a million pieces as she stood there, unable to process what she had just heard.

Jungkook's anger dissipated like a gust of wind, replaced with an icy fear that crawled up his spine. It was only at that moment that the weight of what he said hit him.

When yet another bright and colorful ray of light illuminated the room, allowing him to see clearly that Chaeri's face lost all trace of anger, replaced by a disappointment and emptiness she had never looked at him with. Only then.

With a trembling hand he reached out for her, but all he could feel was the coldness of the air around him and the emptiness in his heart. She took a step back

"No"

"I didn't mean it.." He tried to take back the pain he'd inflicted, he attempted to undo what he had done "I'm so sorry"

"You know what," she looked away from him to turn her gaze once more beyond the window, focusing on the noises, the colors, and the jagged beach just beyond to maintain her voice flat and emotionless despite the war waging in her mind "Fine. Do whatever you want. I don't care"

Her hands found their way into the pockets of her pants and she turned towards him, bumping into his shoulder before finally reaching for the doorknob and flinging it open wide.

A gust of cold air crept inside the house, the trinkets of shells that her grandmother cherished so much clinking together in a gentle symphony that filled the room with a surreal beauty and softness that seemed cruel at that moment.

The sound of her father’s clock on the wall rang loudly as it struck two in the morning, adding to the general cacophony of noise.

She turned her gaze back to him "But don't come back to me, because I'll break your fucking heart."

─────────

Apparently, Jeon Jungkook could have whatever he wanted at any time, and even if it happened to be the middle of New Year's Eve, it was achievable. Though it meant taking his staff away from their own festivities with their loved ones. He was too drained to feel bad about that now, though; but thank goodness nobody asked him anything.

He wasn't capable of answering anything at that moment.

His mouth felt foul now, like all the delicious treats he had consumed earlier that night had turned sour in his stomach. His eyes were bloodshot, two violet circles under each one, and everyone would have thought he hadn't slept in days. Maybe they'd assume he had partied so hard that he reduced himself to this state - but he thought he could detect a subtle look of worry in some of their glances.

He booked for a private ferry to take him back home to Seoul.

Late at night, on a public holiday, Jungkook had still been able to buy everything he wanted with his own money.

The money allowed him to have whatever he wanted, but it was of no use in getting the one thing he really wanted.

The seat next to his creaked under the weight of his young manager. The faint voice of the protagonist of the TV show he was watching on his cell phone reached the ears of the guy to whom he decided to turn his attention, to quiet his restless thoughts.

It didn't take him long to reconnect that face to one of the most watched series by him and the rest of the members in their old dorm; How I met your mother had kept them company during long gym sessions, lazy breakfasts, and dinnertime binges.

"Nothing good happens after 2 am," spoke Ted, the main character. Jungkook was jolted by a shiver, noticing how much the figure locked in the cell phone seemed to be looking him straight in the eye. "When it's after 2 am, just go to sleep, because the decisions you make after 2 am are the wrong decisions."

His throat tightened and a wave of nausea rose within as he considered those words.

What the hell did he do?

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