#new pen struggles i'll get there eventually

[blighted-lights]

they should meet so they can absolutely snark the shit out of each other. two of the smartest minds cybertron has to offer become angry dumbasses the moment they're in the same room

[crabsnpersimmons]

Hello there!

I'd like to know your advice on drawing tablets?

As in, what do you use for your digital art? Is there any you suggest?

I'm planning on getting one, but there are so many options, and I'd like to know your opinion and preference.

Thank you ^^

hi anon! thanks for the question!

i draw with a samsung galaxy tab s7!

BUT if this is your first time drawing digitally, then it's a good idea to test out if you like it with cheaper options first (so you don't drop a whole lot of money on a hobby/medium of art you don't enjoy)

some suggestions:

if you have a smart phone, try drawing with your finger using free to use drawing apps like ibispaint X or HiPaint (i recommend HiPaint cuz the UI is a lot simpler and less overwhelming, but both have a good selection of tools. i wanna say ibispaint has better text tools tho and there's A LOT more tutorials and resources online) drawing digitally with your finger is different from drawing digitally with a pen AND drawing traditionally, but this is a good way to familiarize yourself with digital art tools. a very simple entry point if you already have a smart phone.

if you don't want to draw with your finger (understandable, i personally couldn't stand it) you can try simple drawing tablets, which are the tablets that you plug into your computer/laptop, come with a pen, but they don't have a screen you draw directly on. they're actually a lot more affordable nowadays (i saw some for under $50 CAD, which is WILD), so that’s a good starting option if you want to draw with a pen. with a pen, you have more control with line weights than you do with your finger, but it takes practice to get used to. it also takes some getting use to drawing on a tablet and looking at your monitor, but this is where i started haha. i still have my old bamboo wacom create drawing tablet. but nowadays, other brands like xp-pen and huion are very comparable to wacom, so definitely consider getting a cheaper one to try out first. of course, if you go with a drawing tablet, you'll need an art program on your computer. i've used photoshop and clip studio paint and they're very good, but probably overwhelming for people who are new to digital art (they are loaded with tools and you have to really familiarize yourself with the menus and everything). there are probably simpler options available... but i'm not as familiar with them. oh wait, i think there are some drawing tablets that can also connect with your smart phone too nowadays. man, that's so cool. that's probably a better option instead of purchasing photoshop or clip studio paint right off the bat.

if you REALLY want a screen display experience, try a cheaper general tablet. iPads are a popular option if you're comfortable with the Apple ecosystem (i'm not 😅) but they can be pricey PLUS you have to buy the Apple pen separately. for Android, I'm pretty sure even the Samsung Galaxy Tab S6 is a solid choice and it comes with a pen unlike an iPad. the SPen is built with Wacom tech, so you know it's quality. and while iPad has Procreate, HiPaint is available for Android and it's basically a Procreate clone (i explain more about HiPaint here) otherwise, ibisPaint X is also good and infinite painter is probably the most sophisticated free to use drawing app i've encountered (sophisticated as in it does a pretty good job at imitating traditional media in their brushes. it's cool, but the free version is very limited).

also if you like watching videos, Brad Colbow and Teoh on Tech on YouTube are great resources. they specifically review tech from an artist's perspective.

why i suggest testing it out is because if you're used to drawing traditionally, then switching to digital is a different experience. some artists can't get used to drawing digitally, and that's fine. that's why it's a good idea to test it out with a cheaper option first to see if you like it and to give yourself time to familiarize yourself with drawing apps/programs. i actually kinda hated drawing digitally at first. i didn't have the same level of control that i was used to with drawing traditionally. and overtime i made a lot of bad habits with my digital art that i had to unlearn by switching back to traditional art for a couple years (some bad habits like: relying on the Undo button to make "perfect" lines; trying to draw really fast because the pen glides over the screen unlike a pencil has friction against paper) so... give it a try and just let yourself have fun. don't worry about making anything perfect, just have fun!

[luveline]

hi lovely :) i have a request for you!!

i’m thinking spencer reid x reader (and platonic!bau team if you don’t mind!!) where reader is having a bit of a rough time with mental health, but is 1 year clean and they have a lil celebration? thank you!!

-🍓 (this is my application for being an emoji anon lmao)

hi, thank you! ♡ fem 1k

cw implied drug use

You're expecting your boyfriend's voice when a hand touches your shoulder, but it's actually Hotch that speaks. "Good morning. Are you feeling alright?" 

You meet his furrowed brow with a softer expression. "Morning, Hotch. I'm good, I'm," —you stretch your arms out in front of you in a lie— "just really tired." 

"Take it easy today, okay?" You nod quickly. "Okay. And Y/N? Well done." 

You enjoy the shoulder squeeze he gives you and hide your abject puzzlement as he heads up the steps to his office, briefcase in hand. It's always nice to be doted on, but what's today? 

"Hello," a new voice says, a hand again on your shoulder, ducking down to kiss you behind the ear. Here's your expected boyfriend, Spencer's voice low and spectacularly sweet, "Good morning. You're here early, I haven't even made you coffee." 

"That's okay, I can make it." 

His arms cross over your chest. He touches you so confidently, his lack of hesitance a great encouragement; it's hard to find room to feel insecure about things when Spencer seems to see no faults in you. Hard, but not impossible. 

As though he can sense your rough morning (rough week, rough month), he holds you that second longer than usual, lips like angora silk where they touch to your cheek. "I'll make it, thanks. It's the least you deserve today." 

"Right," you say. He strokes your shoulder with his thumb in farewell, leaving you wondering. Today isn't your birthday, you'd probably know if it were. 

"Hey, good morning!" Emily says as she arrives, thrusting her bag and her travel mug onto her desk before she descends on you. 

It's her hug that breaks the camel's back, so to speak. You give her hands an absent minded hold but pull back in her embrace. "Emily," you say, frowning at her, "what's so special about today?" 

She blinks like she's worried to tell you, but she gets it together and hugs you again. "You're one year clean today. Everybody's so proud of you," she says quietly. 

You almost bite the tip of your tongue off. "How do you know that?" you ask. The thing about staying clean is that it haunts you until it doesn't. Some people can't ever beat it, and some people can. It's been a huge struggle for you, but eventually relapsing stopped feeling like an option, especially while you've been with Spencer. You can't do anything to jeopardise your safety while you're with him, you just can't. (That doesn't mean you haven't desperately wanted to.)

"Well, I knew it would've been around now, but Spencer sent us a memo. Nothing too detailed, you know, but we all…" She smiles at you wryly. "We care about you so much, and we didn't get it right with Spencer." 

No, they didn't. Spencer didn't get half the support he deserved, so he's making sure you do. 

There's something of a mental block in you that doesn't allow you to cry, but this shakes you roughly. Emily gives you a sorry smile and a last quick hug, apologising that she has to go and speak to Hotch before the work day officially begins. You lean back in your chair and click dazedly on an email from Penelope detailing how deeply loved you are and wondering if you'd like to go shopping. I know today might be really hard, so if you need me you know where I am. Love Pen. 

"You okay?" Spencer asks, placing your coffee in front of you on the desk. 

"Come and sit with me for a bit." 

You don't sound like you're asking, but you are. Spencer hears the need in your demand and immediately grabs his chair to sit next to you. You're surprised he didn't squat. 

You turn your face, lay your cheek on the short back of the chair uncomfortably, and take him in. He looks great these days, the memory of a young man firmly buried beneath a well-fitting suit, a cropping of facial hair, and the subtle, lean lines of muscle especially evident as he sits back to copy you, curls falling into his eyes. "You told everyone about my anniversary." 

"Your accomplishment," he corrects quietly. "I did." 

"I do want them to know, just… I feel a bit raw." You hardly remembered yourself, though you knew it was soon. 

Spencer takes your hand, pulling the joined pair between his knees. "It's something to be extremely proud of. And there's nothing wrong with celebrating it." 

"It's embarrassing–" 

"It isn't." He sits up as someone comes closer and you follow suit. This is a complicated conversation and your simple intimacies are necessary but inappropriate in the workplace. "I'm sure there are a ton of people who find sobriety embarrassing, but those are all people who don't know what it feels like to have to do it. We," —his voice softens— "do. I know exactly how it feels, and I know exactly how you've been feeling lately, so I'm proud of you and everyone else should be too." 

"How I've been feeling lately?" you ask. 

"Come on." Spencer stands and takes your face into his hands. One is warmer than the other, and he uses it to stroke the baby hair's at your ear very gently. "You do a really good job at hiding how you feel, but you can't hide from me." 

"I'm not trying to." 

"Good," he says, leaning down to kiss you. A soft, brisk connection. "I love you." 

"Not as much as I do, loverboy!" Morgan says as he arrives, giving Spencer a little nudge as he needles his arms behind your back and kisses your cheek. 

"You're squeezing me." 

"Have I told you lately how much I love you?" Morgan asks, squeezing your harder. 

"Morgan, she knows you know." 

"Know what?" 

"You didn't see the memo?" Spencer asks. 

"What memo?" Morgan grins at you with pearly white teeth and scrubs at your shoulders until you're squirming at the pressure. It's nice. "Looking good, gorgeous." 

[just-cofffee]

Opposites

Cw- slow burn? - Fluff

I didn't understand how I ended up in this situation. He was the heir of the Six Eyes; nothing escaped his gaze. He could see everything, which made him almost omnipresent. It was ironic, if someone had asked him. He often thought that the idea that opposites attract was nonsense, but there you were. With your almost non-existent vision, I knew that your ability to see was minimal due to your power. You practically saw through touch and hearing; you weren't blind, not entirely.

Recapping… He was always behind you, making life easier for you. He did things you couldn't see, like picking up your pens, bringing down your favorite books, or removing obstacles from your path to prevent you from getting hurt. I didn't know how I ended up doing what I was doing today. It all started the day he met you at school. He remembers, perfectly well, that scene: you searching like a maniac for your pen, with your hair all messy and your cheeks pink from the effort and embarrassment you were starting to feel. He remembers almost mocking you when he saw you, and even more when he lifted your pen that was next to you and offered it back to you.

"Are you looking for this?" He waved the pen towards your face. His heart stopped when you approached, so much; your face was practically just centimeters away from his, you were angelic.

"Who are you?" You asked without moving away.

"A-a mm Well," Satoru cleared his throat, moving away a little. "Gojo. I'm Gojo Satoru."

"Ah, a Gojo," you said, downplaying it. He almost laughed at that. "My pen, where is it?"

"A-así, here it is, take it," Satoru extended his hand with the pen, offering it to you.

You even struggled to figure out which direction he was extending the pen to you. Since that day, he felt curious about you.

You were new, with mid-level abilities and a similar age to his. Hardworking and, according to him, a bit nerd. Little by little, he found himself looking at you more than usual. The day everything changed was when he saw you walking down the hallway as you always did. He swears he only blinked when he heard a cry of pain coming from you; soon he saw you lying face down on the floor, you had tripped. It wasn't necessary for him to help you, as many were already doing so. Shoko saw the curiosity on Satoru's face.

"It's Y/n, her ability restricts her vision drastically, and worsens when she's exhausted."

"You didn't have to tell me, it's not like I care," said Satoru, although it wasn't true. The truth was that he wanted to know anything about you. He didn't know when he had started feeling that need to know every detail about you.

In the following days, he began to follow you more closely, to remove small obstacles from your path, and he realized that he didn't want you to know what he was doing. Of course, luck was not on his side.

It was raining, it was summer, he remembers. It was raining cats and dogs as if something horrible were happening up there. He was tired and just wanted to get home, but soon his gaze shifted to you. You were looking for something, he could guess it was your umbrella. As he stealthily approached you, he could hear you cursing. You had slightly pink cheeks and his heart raced. For the first time, he wanted to touch those sweet cheeks. He made a risky decision: to leave you his umbrella without you realizing it and he would disappear. Eventually, you would find the umbrella and use it. Everything was going perfectly until you slipped due to the rain and he caught you in the air. He couldn't help but notice how tightly you clung to him. They were so close again and his heart was in his throat.

"I'll take you home," were his only words.

From that moment on, he didn't leave your side. Comments or looks didn't matter to him anymore. He wanted your safety as well as your comfort. Besides, now he could openly enjoy being close to you. At first, you were annoyed that he was with you most of the time, like a puppy. But you quickly got used to his presence. You could even relax around him and make you laugh until your cheeks hurt. You no longer had to strain your gaze; he had become your eyes. He had become a very good friend quickly.

He knew that, in your eyes, he was nothing more than a good friend to you. Several times, absentmindedly, you made it clear that you only saw him as a friend, even telling him about your fleeting crushes. He never let you see how in love he was with you.

"I have a mission," said Satoru as he played on the console.

"It seems we have missions on the same day because I also have one for Thursday." There were two days left for your mission and Satoru's.

"Who will be your partner?" Satoru asked with a more cautious tone at the new information.

"Mei Mei." Relief washed over Satoru. He knew Mei Mei was strong and could help you in case of any mishap.

---

Your mission was shorter than Satoru's, so you should already be at Jujutsu Tech, but he didn't see you anywhere when he arrived. He couldn't hear you.

"Y/n?" was the only thing he asked. A feeling settled in his stomach.

Most of the time, Satoru was funny and joking, but everyone knew when it was better not to interfere with his path and give him what he wanted without hesitation.

"Shoko," Ijichi replied.

In less than a second, he was talking to Shoko. She told him it wasn't serious, just a couple of scratches, and that you needed some rest. He didn't have to ask why you were injured; he knew it had to do with your eyes. When he entered the room and saw you with a bandage on them, his suspicions were confirmed.

"Toru?" you whispered, turning your head blindly.

"It's me," he walked over to your bed where you were resting and sat down there, then took one of your hands, as the other was injured.

"Does it hurt?" he toyed with your fingers, a small smile spreading across your face.

"Nope," you lightly squeezed his hand.

He wouldn't waste any more time, if he did, he could lose you, and that, that he wouldn't forgive himself. He knew what he had to do.

----

"Walk," Satoru pulled you along, not knowing where they were going. You had been walking for over fifteen minutes and still hadn't arrived anywhere.

"Have we arrived yet?" You knew that question exasperated him.

He squeezed your hand to signal that he was listening, his heart beating warmly as he saw the two of you looking like a couple holding hands and laughing, although a part of him was sad because he knew it was the last time he could hold your hand and you wouldn't find it odd, just as friends.

"We've arrived."

It was an optical shop. "An optical shop?" you asked skeptically.

You heard him laugh, "Yes, an optical shop. Or did you want to go on a date with me?" You rolled your eyes at his suggestion, and your heart continued to race as it had been doing for the past few weeks.

There, a professional examined you. It wasn't a common optical shop; instead, it worked for sorcerers and with cursed energy. It was almost impossible to get a consultation with these kinds of specialists. That's where Satoru got his glasses, and now he was bringing you to find a solution.

The examination was quick, then the specialist asked you to leave to talk to Satoru, which was strange, no doubt. Shortly after, Satoru came out and immediately went to take your hand.

"What did he say?" you asked eagerly.

"You need glasses, just like me," he raised his eyebrows suggestively.

He looked particularly attractive that day, white hair perfectly groomed, and his suit was impeccable. You weren't sure if you were up to having someone with such visual appeal by your side, but he made you feel like you had nothing to be insecure about.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the specialist calling your name. You quickly got up with Satoru.

"Here!"

It was clear. Everything, such clarity, had to be illegal. You couldn't remember the last time you could see so clearly. Satoru didn't want to tell you how much they cost; he just said, "take them as a tribute and sorry for eating your dessert from the refrigerator."

Clearly, you noticed how he had let go of your hand since the specialist put on your glasses. You couldn't help but wonder if anything would change now that you could see well. As for Satoru, he was having an internal struggle about what to do now that you no longer needed him.

Once they were out of the office, he started walking, lost in his thoughts, only stopping when he heard you shout his name. He turned, and you looked slightly annoyed. Damn, you looked beautiful with glasses.

"What-?" You ran towards him and took his hand.

You knew it; you stopped seeing him as just a friend a long time ago. Your heart confirmed it, just like the absence you felt when his hand wasn't holding yours.

"It's not a date if we don't hold hands."

[datrb]

A comeback(?)

Hey there! Sure been a while huh. So... I come here, to my main, to share the news, shed a light on what happened and make an announcement.

First i'll do the announcement.

Starting from today i am allowed to use my hand again!

Just today i went to my rehabilitologist to get the list of excercises and thing i am not or allowed to do with my hand and she told me that using a pen is not just allowed but encouraged as it allows for a more natural recovery of motor functions!

It will take a while, but eventually i'll be right back to my usual shedule and even better than that! I also made a little crappy sketch to commemorate the occasion.

It's in no way good, but i wish to share it with all of people who were with me so far and who kept supporting me.

Now onto the less... positive note. I will get rather deep into medical topics, so if you're sensitive to that, please look away.

So... Those who followed my diagnosis process know that doctors really struggled with finding out what is wrong exactly, in the end landing on a surgery as diagnostic means.

On 13th of Feburary i had the surgery. It took a bit over 2 hours to complete and i was not allowed nor was in a condition to use my hand for 6 weeks since then.

As i learned during this period, the surgery ended up not being just diagnostic nor was it easy. As it turns out my wrist was... a mess to say the least.

Many of tendons were covered with scar tissue, one of the tendons was completely ripped, causing the bones to get dislocated, which ended up affecting the joint as a whole. Surgeon had to tie my bones together for them to get back in place, cut out all the scar tissue and sew the ripped tendon back together. What was suppoused to be a simple diagnostic surgery ended up as a reconstruction work.

But my surgeon did everything in the best way possible and my recovery had been as smooth as can be so far. I am extremely greateful for the work he did on my wrist. It's a true miracle what a skilled worker is capable of.

For now i should keep activity to minimum. But i am promised proper functionality in 4 months time with full recovery taking up half a year.

So yeah. That's what happened in a nutshell. I once again thank everyone for patience and support. And in turn promise to keep up the work myself and get back on track as soon as possible!

[asksoldieron]

SO-18: Memory Bomb!

If there's a lot of engagement on this, this post is liable to get real long, beware before you expand.

No art, but hopefully my eyes will improve enough to add some later!

Welcome to the Engagement Lounge, for Peanut Butter Bubblegum (SO-18) an instalment! Short comments can go in the replies, but there's a 475 character limit. Longer ones will need a reblog. Remember to @asksoldieron if you're reblogging someone else's reblog, so I can see it too!

There! They got him! Well, sorta. That's definitely not Erik but he's in there somewhere. They'll get him out! Eventually!

I had such a cool idea for a musical comic but I can't do it. You'll have to read and imagine David and Hyacinth having it out, while what he is now is slowly subsumed by what he once was... Or while an imposter who made a very bad decision becomes permanently trapped in a web of his own lies. Maybe both at once!

*sigh* I'm struggling, but I don't get real feedback from the eye doctor. It's like they don't think I can't handle any negativity, so everything is all smiles and "you're doing great!" while I'm dealing with shit they should've sat me down and told me about before I even had the damn surgery.

You see, I had the impression the surgery was the best option for not losing any of the improvement I spent all last year making myself sick to gain. Heh. Maybe it was, but I've still lost ground and I'll need to put in even more work to get it back. I have a different issue now: stamina. My eyes get tired of focusing on detail, near and far, and in certain situations they'll just stop. I'll be straining as hard as I can and I won't be able to tell you if that's a D, C, O or G. It won't shift in and out of focus like I might be able to get it eventually, it'll just be a static blur until I rest my eyes and come back to it. (Kinda think the doctor thought I was faking or playing it up, since I could read letters the first time she asked me to, and then I couldn't. But the tech just listened to me describe what was happening and said, "Oh, yeah. Your eyes are just tired. Take a break.")

I don't have much trouble reading - as long as it's black and white or close to that. Much like Erik, I can get it from context. I've always read the shape of the word, because my damn eyes never worked like they're supposed to. But art is not like that. Hell, even reading a comic is harder for me right now.

I'm getting my Xmas computer soon. It has a bigger screen than my tablet, and I should be able to draw on it. I might not get so tired so fast with a bigger screen, but I won't know until I try. I found a good enough refurbished deal that I can afford a pen display with an even bigger screen, if it comes to that, but I'll have to give myself some time to strengthen my eyes in any case.

I thought I was just going to heal from this - it would only be a matter of time until the wound closed and my corneas cleared up - I certainly got that impression at the start. But now they say I'm not going to get better without more work. I'm stuck doing pretty much the same exercises, only now they're hard in a different way. The dry-eye does seem to be improving, but there's no guarantee it will keep doing that. I have nearly a year to wait for the dryness and light tolerance to stabilize, those things are the slowest to heal. Well, they would be the slowest, if I didn't have this stupid vision dysfunction. I have no idea how long that's going to take to adapt.

Anyway, this is all too many words. I'm trying to explain why I won't be able to come back with more story after a two week break, even though I have the next six-pack almost ready to go. I can write. I can reorganize the site (and I need to do that, the theme and the global colours are just stupid, and all my pattern blocks are malfunctioning). I can open a new bank account and put together a Ko-Fi page (after Patreon gets rid of my data - they only have a couple more days to do that within their 30-day limit!!). I can't illustrate. Nobody's going to stop scrolling and look at this shit in their feed if there's no images, and I'm not resorting to stock photos or AI.

I want to get to the point where I can spam my followers with something I'm proud of that looks nice, and send them to a site that I'm also proud of and which looks nice. I want more readers, but I don't feel right asking for them when everything's falling apart, including me.

So, I'll be here, but there won't be more story for a while. At least give me until the 20th, that'll be three months out from the surgery and I should be fairly well healed by then. It's just that I have this stamina issue nobody warned me about and no timeline for that. Almost like it doesn't matter. Hey, you can see without glasses! 20/20! Like we promised! Does it really matter if it expires without warning? It works when you read off the chart the first time and that's all you need, right?

No. I told you people I was an artist. You don't seem to be reviewing my chart and god alone knows if you even wrote it down, but you did ask me and I told you. This is not enough.

We'll see what the next few weeks will do for me. I hope like hell I'll be back soon with another six - words AND pictures.

[Back to Site?]

[little-peril-stories]

2024

It's the time of year where many of us think about the future and what's to come. I don't really do New Year's resolutions, and I've never done a real list of goals before. But as I'm thinking about what 2024 will bring, I'm feeling for the first time the desire to lay out my goals - or, at the very least, create a to-do list.

It might be interesting to see how much I overestimated my ability to get stuff done next year. 😅

No pressure to read this, it's largely for myself!

The Queen of Lies

Continue posting semi-regularly. Given the way the first half of the school year has gone, I figure that's probably the best I can do.

Rewrite Act 3. I'm actually so excited for this, and it's all planned out! But it's still not written, even if a lot of the juicy dialogue is sandwiched between bullet points of what happens.

Edit it...eventually. Perhaps in the latter half of the year. Or perhaps that's a 2025 job. Who knows?

angsty heist wip

Reveal the title. Coming sooner than you think.

Post the WIP intro early. TPOT's came when it was about half posted, and TQOL's came only a day before Chapter 1. I think I'll mix it up for angsty heist wip. Nobody peek on my drafts and see how long the wip intro has been chilling there. 😅

FINISH WRITING THIS DAMN BOOK. It's just got to happen. I've hit 2/4 POV character's midpoints, and the delicious confrontation/finale still needs to be written. It's all the good stuff!

Figure out posting plans. It's not coming until TQOL is done, so this is a very vague and fluid goal.

Book 1

Review beta feedback thoroughly.

Make a concrete plan for what I actually want to change and what I don't.

Apply feedback.

Reread and edit for typos/little things.

Do a second beta round.

Start preparing query materials in earnest.

Book 2

lol. start it again? postpone to 2025? who knows. low priority.

The Prince of Thieves -- the journey to self-publishing

Okay, real talk: the list below is long. I've never done any of this before, so I have NO clue of what's realistic and what's not. Is all of this possible in the year 2024? Maybe not. Is that okay? It's gonna have to be! The point of it isn't to marry myself to this list or else I've FAILED, but to have a clear idea of what commonly needs to be done in order to self-publish a novel. If some of the stuff doesn't happen, well, so be it! I’m also quite aware that the list below is not exhaustive. There are probably a million things I haven’t thought of!!

DONE - ISBN account made and approved

DONE - decide on pen name. Finally!

Beta stuff! Send it off, wait for feedback, review feedback, and then apply it. I'm almost there.

Attempt cover design. I am 73% confident in my ability to do it well. With an artist AND a graphic designer/marketer in my family, I think I've got a team who can help me with the technical/Photoshop stuff.

Hire cover designer if failure. (Definitely a possibility.)

Decide on book format/interior design elements. Pretty confident I can do this myself. 96% sure.

Make an author website. For realsies. (aaahhhhhhhhh)

Increase social media presence. Try not to cry about the existence of TikTok. Try not to get in my own head about this. The truth is the thought kind of makes my skin crawl but I also understand how it is is pretty much a necessity.

Learn marketing and create a marketing plan. I got this. probably. maybe. ennnhhhh.

Consider character/scene art commissions. I am uncertain about this one. Finances will determine whether this happens or not.

Cry a lot and be okay with that. I think I'm going to struggle a lot with this whole process. And you know what? That's all right. I will learn a lot. And even if it's scary...well, that will make it all the more rewarding in the end. 💕

[pama-saga]

(AND THAT'S A WRAP FOR THE BACKSTORY PROJECT, HOLY HELL! I'm actually surprised how quickly I finished this.

Anyway some updates: I'm planning on having all characters have the same font and having text and or speech bubble colors be what determines who's talking. This is to help with readability.)

Previous

Post mortem/stuff I wish I could have included under this cut!

The ocelot PAMA design, one of the earliest concepts for this thing, way before I even considered making this project.

I really wish I could have shown Ivor and PAMA's relationship but c'est la vie. Luckily I'll be able to show it in the future of the askblog! I like to think that Ivor does care for PAMA like a kid, eventually, unlike Harper who's struggling to forgive them for everything. (Makes sense considering PAMA had hurt her for far longer while Ivor spent more time with PAMA being redeemed than he did with PAMA's evil era)

He's the invisible figure escorting PAMA away. I also like to think Axel might have given PAMA some knowhow on how to make masks (considering he probably made that creeper mask of his and maybe Reuben's costume? was that canon? idk) and PAMA also possibly took inspiration from Ivor's ninja gear for their mask/outfit/general posture as an Ocelot.

PAMA is definitely in denial of liking Ivor. Accidentally inherited his "I totally don't like you, you know"ness. Sometimes, when they think he's not listening, they'll laugh at his shenanigans.

I also wish I could have shown more character interactions but here's some stuff I would have included if I could.

Petra's the most angry at PAMA and has pretty much sworn off forgiving and trusting them. Lukas is kinda just, ehhh on them. Doesn't like them, doesn't really trust them, but doesn't hate them either due to the fact they turned a new leaf. They don't really talk much. Axel thinks PAMA is weird and Olivia is probably the most fond of them, barring Jesse. She thinks they're such an interesting piece of machinery but also probably got along with them the best along with Jesse before she got all busy with her duties in Redstonia. They'd be pen pals if not for PAMA being so emotionally constipated. Jesse also enjoys PAMA's presence and probably has the most trust in them, barring Radar. PAMA also likes her a lot, strangely enough, but they'd probably never admit it as they think they should only be focusing on their duties.

PAMA, in the brief time they were with Jack in ep 2, enjoyed hearing all his crazy stories. They'd probably hang out with him more if they weren't so focused on making themself useful. It's a bit of a running joke that Jack tries to pretend he's totally seen things that are like PAMA. Yes, yes, he's definitely seen more advanced walking talking machines, yessiree!

Radar, before and during s2 is really trying to get PAMA out of their shell. He can succeed at times, but also sometimes fails miserably. It always sours his mood when he fails. He just wants them to be happy :(

PAMA is basically constantly going >:( at Stella. They are not very fond of her attitude it reminds them way too much of how overconfident/wrong they were because how dare she hurt their favorite guy Radar.

[wildswrites]

Hello! For the ask game: 3, 6, 12, 30?

thank you for the ask, ninni!!

3.     Computer or pen and paper?

I go back and forth, really! Lately it's been computer. It helps me get my ideas out faster, put words on the page, and in the long run it hurts my hand a little bit less. I turn to pen and paper when I'm having trouble having fun, or being creative. It takes me back to my roots - scribbling down the beginnings of a novel between assignments in middle school.

6.     Single or multiple POV?

I tend towards single POV, and this is for a very specific reason: I struggle with formulating narrative voice for two+ individual people living in the same world. Eventually I'll work on this, but for now I'm happy with what I've got going on!

12.  Describe your perfect writing space.

Outside, outside, outside. My perfect writing space is on a 65 degree F day, in the shade on my back porch, at a desk, with the door open so that my dog can go back and forth between sitting at my side and playing in our fenced in back yard. I am so inspired when I am outside to write, but due to weather and other circumstances, I don't get to do it often.

30.  Favorite idea you haven’t started on yet.

I wouldn't necessarily call it a favorite, but I do have one idea I hope to put some work into once I've finished one of my current WIPs (Calla Lilies, Day Lilies, and Water Lilies, of which only Calla Lilies is getting new words right now). It's about a group of teenagers coming back to life in what is known as only the orphanage. It is not staffed by many, and in fact the older kids are relied upon to take care of the younger. I've got all my notes on it jotted down in a word document, but I won't let myself work on it!

ask me about writing!

[jaywings]

OC askmeme: 7, 11, 14, 21, 25, 30, 32, 39, 49? (Oh gosh that's a lot I'm sorry)

Did you guys know I've got OCs? I got OCs

7. Are your OCs part of any story or stories?

Yes! I do have a scattering of OCs that aren't part of a major story I'm working on, but for the most part my OCs are part of a handful of stories I've got. Particularly these two guys at the moment!

11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”?

I was trying to think about this and honestly I can't think of anyone, really. Clearly I need happier characters?? I'll have to work on that and see if I can find a place for a sunshiney character.

14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory

Both of these kids have tragic backstories (it comes with being a vampire), but I'll introduce Vincent there on the right. If you've read Dracula then you know that he comes to England on board a ship and, over the course of the voyage, he kills the entire crew. Vincent's story was a few years after that time, but not many. He boarded a boat along with his older brother to come to America but he never made it alive. Unbeknownst to everyone, there was a vampire hiding on board...

When other passengers saw the strange bite marks on him, they bound his hands and feet and threw him overboard to prevent others from being infected. The ship sailed on without him. His brother started a life in his new country; he found a job, married, and had kids of his own, always trying to forget what had happened to his sibling.

Vincent did make it to shore, eventually, but he was already dead. Or rather, Un-dead.

21. Your most artistic OC

That might be Mollie Hawkins (aged 13). She illustrates her own entries in her field journals about the fantastical creatures she comes across or rescues.

25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?)

Ilich, the third kid in my vampire trio, was created in middle school to be a lot like me. Shy, few friends, loves animals, loves to read, etc. I've ended up struggling a lot over the years to make her more interesting.

30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection?

Terry, probably. He'd find them comforting and huggable when he doesn't want touch from anyone else.

32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why?

Ethel Sullivan is the closest I have, I think. She can communicate with ghosts, but sometimes it's very taxing and leaves white streaks in her hair. She gave up on trying to get ghosts to leave her alone and now helps them move on, or figures out how to defeat them if they're dangerous.

39. Introduce any character you want

Some of my OCs are from dreams I've had. Though unnamed in the original dream, Morra is a short, motherly creature living in a cursed house. She's aligned with the earth element and loves cleaning, collecting colorful gemstones, and griping about fairies.

49. Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memes

Vue, the "cat." If a meme is clever, he'd love it.

[petit-langblr]

tips for new year's resolutions

- don't overdo it. it can be tempting to say you're going to completely change your lifestyle, that you're going to wake up early, meditate, eat right, exercise, get more money, perfect grades, learn how to play the theramin, etc., etc.. you will not. even if you start all those things there's no way you'll be able to sustain them. choose 1-3 resolutions and focus on that.

- utilize smart goals. saying you want perfect grades is nice but a little vague yeah? don't worry, we've got the latest productivity buzzword acronym (tm) to help! (it's helpful. trust me.)

specific: "I will get perfect grades" -> "I will get all As on my report card"

measurable: "which I will do by completing all my assignments, studying for at least an hour every night, and taking extra credit opportunities"

achievable: if you're failing a class and seriously struggling with it, mayybee admit that an A is a lofty goal. "my goal is a B in maths and an A in all the other subjects."

relevant: think about why this is important to you. "getting good grades will help me get into the college of my choice"? "academic achievements are personally satisfying"? "I want to make my family proud"? pinpoint an underlying motivation.

time-based: some goals already have set timeframes (grades are counted by semester after all), but some of them do need manually set timeframes. "I will do x by (certain date)" is better than "I'll do x by...someday. eventually."

- break it down into chunks. a year is a LONG time. breaking your goals down and spreading them out over the months can help them be less overwhelming. if, for example, your goal is to run a 10k in November, you can have a mini-goal of running a 5k in June, and of running a mile in under 8 minutes in April, and of jogging in the morning 3x a week in January.

- use a tracker. this will help you see the progress you've made. you can use a regular pen-and-paper journal or one of many apps. apps can also send you push notifications to remind you of daily habits, and some even have built-in reward systems for extra motivation.

- don't be discouraged. if you find yourself missing a day, or two, or several, it doesn't mean you've failed! it can be disappointing but it's not the end, if you fall you can always pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again no matter how many times it takes you 💖

good luck to everyone in 2023, may you reach the stars and achieve your dreams!

[allyear-lff]

Horseplay (Los Agitadores)

Yeah. I watched this more than one year ago.

I have been taking notes, sometimes literally in pieces of paper put together, you can glimpse at how I took notes for this film:

Not pretty, and I don't want to look into other people's reviews or do the lazy thing and check IMDB or similar services.

Doing this fills me with curiosity and envy of people that do this professionally: how do they do it? I imagine that like myself they find their own way and there may be as many methods to write down summaries as people trying to do so.

Anyway, I have been getting better and hopefully a bit more profesional about it, but this is what I was doing in March 2023, I'll share more of that journey as I progress.

So how do I go from that mess to what I write below? First I scanned pictures of this paper to convert it into text using an app (Pen to Print), then I organised that text with Notepad Free in my phone.

And then I decided to use AI to clarify my ideas. The summary is all mine, written back in March 2023, what follows after that is me and Google's Gemini sprucing up my work, me refining what I want to say, Gemini picking it up and give it form and so on.

We live in strange times.

Summary: a group of "kidults" spend the southern hemisphere's summer celebrating Christmas and New Year but a secret lurks behind the debauchery, the pranks and the obsession about sex.

Musings without spoilers: A summer party for a group of rugby players turns dark as pranks escalate and tensions rise. The carefree atmosphere clashes with hidden desires and societal expectations around masculinity, leading to violent outbursts that expose the ugly side of group mentality and the struggles faced by those who don't fit the mold.

Musings with spoilers: The film starts in Arturo's home with a carefree summer party (Christmas season in Argentina, where the films takes place) full of young, attractive, fit rugby players.

The initial lightheartedness takes a turn as homoerotic tension builds and pranks become increasingly explicit, one of the young men, Poli, feels increasingly alienated from the group, the reason will become clearer only much later, but he is the butt of all jokes.

Social media fuels the drama when a prank picture goes viral, causing serious trouble for the lad pranked due to the conservative nature of the environment in which these lads live.

The arrival of Arturo's sister and her boyfriend adds a layer of normalcy, but the mood sours quickly, some girls are invited to the party and some of the lads make a move and tie up with the girls, Gordo, who attracts Poli early on in the film, abuses one of the girls which leave the gathering shaken by the experience but nothing indicates they take the matter further.

The party takes a darker turn as Poli finds a connection with a bisexual teammate. This connection is violently interrupted by Nico, who discovers them together and beats the bisexual guy with a cricket bat out of jealousy leaving him for dead.

Although the film was interesting and approached the homoeroticism with a sense of genuine curiosity eventually the environment gets repetitive, I imagined that an adult would feel fed up if left in charge of a group of immature lads like this and that was becoming my feeling while watching the film.

Although the sequences in which the most hidden motivations of some of the characters are revealed are well made, at the end there are too many characters and it becomes increasingly difficult to follow what is going on. The film is worth watching but it may be a bit tedious for some audiences.

Rating: 3/5

76 of 168

Date: 17 of March 2023

Venue: BFI as part of #BFIFlare

The list of films in the LFF 2022.

[islandpcosjourney]

IVF/ICSI Day 1

22nd Sept 2023

Baseline scan & start of STIMS injections

We thought this day may never come. Or at least it felt like that every time we got word of a new delay. Still, once we knew we would be starting in September it was then a case of completing the online consents, waiting until my period arrived, phoning up the nursing station at the ACU in Ninewells that day to arrange my baseline scan for 2 days later, arranging travel with the local health board for the following day, packing up to go to my Mum's for the entire cycle (including the Royal National Mòd week straight after) and attending our first appointment in Dundee. I’m on SHORT PROTOCOL and it follows the natural progression of a monthly cycle, hence why I’m only away for an intensive few weeks vs a few months of back & forth appointments. Essentially this whole week has been a waiting game, knowing it was due to arrive but not being able to plan exactly when we'd be leaving the island.

As it turns out, we could make a "plan" for all eventualities in advance but at the last minute, when the plans were ready to execute, it all fell apart, or rather it all fell into place, in exactly the way God had planned it all along, we just weren't part of that particular planning process. Of course when my period arrived and I booked my baseline scan appointment, only then did we find out that all ferries were booked up for the following day, even via Tarbert and that we couldn't risk the freight because of the weather. So, quick turn-around of thinking involved a short prayer asking the Lord what we should do - the answer: fly down the day before and back again the day after, use Mum's car in-between - sorted! Then once Kevin leaves on Monday for work (5wks at sea) I'll pack up and take the car down to Mum's on Tuesday.

So, today's appointment went well. Having never been through an IVF cycle before, of course it was all new to us and we weren't sure what to expect, apart from the usual checks - formal ID, consent forms, BMI under 30, blood pressure, Blood Borne Viruses blood tests and internal scan to check that the lining of my uterus was thin enough and that I had no large cysts on my ovaries causing problems which would need addressing before being able to start. All were fine, except that the nurse really struggled to get any blood from me. One arm with a good vein attempted first, nope, nothing coming out, even after a wee poke & prod - gave up. Other arm, big vein too, but also nothing coming out, poking & prodding - quick prayer as I closed my eyes "God, please help the blood to flow out" - a wee while later, a small trickle started and she was able to fill 3/4 of the vial - thank goodness!

All that was left to do was to explain the medications and teach me how to self-inject - my biggest fear! I was so fortunate to have 2 friends recently give me good advice - to relax and do it on an out-breath and to do it quickly without hesitation - this gave me some level of confidence before hearing the nurse's advice but I still had some trepidation about actually being able to do it to myself (Kevin’s been looking forward to “stabbing” me 🤪) There seemed like there would be so much info to process but she actually explained it very well, wrote everything down and she made sure I had practiced putting the pen together, loading the cartridge and injecting a dummy piece of flab in the position underneath my belly button, a site where she highly suggested I use.

We were only there for 55mins - they're really very efficient in the unit and clearly know what they're doing and do it often enough that every question is covered before you even need to ask it for yourself. We left confident and not overwhelmed like last time at all - big smiles!

Tonight I had to inject myself for the first time, the beginning of the STIMS stage (ovarian stimulation) - at least 8 days of evening injections (to grow my follicles) and in 4 days time I'll be adding in a morning injection too (to suppress my ovaries so I don't ovulate before they trigger me to). I didn't feel overwhelmed by the process, I had Kevin by my side encouraging me and actually, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be and it really boosted my confidence that it didn't hurt and that I was able to look at the needle entering my skin and it didn't bother me!

None of the peace I feel in this process so far would be possible if it weren't for my faith in Jesus. I feel this veil of support over me, comforting me, calming me in challenging circumstances. We are very grateful to our minister who has put together a Prayer plan for us - bible readings and written prayers for us both to read/say at each major stage of this process - something I am so glad we requested as Kevin will be spending the remainder of this cycle at sea, unable to be with me but he can read the same passages as me and use the same words in Prayer to feel connected in a different way.

We are very grateful to all who have already been praying and will be continuing to pray for us. We feel the support of loved ones around us and that is really comforting. We are not going through this alone and that is so important that we include you all in our journey, for it takes a whole community to bring up a child and in this case, it involves a whole new community to make one too 🥰

Prayer points to consider:

Pray that the injections continue to be successful and that I build on today’s confidence.

Pray that I have limited side-effects from the medications.

Pray for Kevin as he prepares to leave for 5wks, the full duration of this cycle.

Pray also that we feel able to support each other effectively, at a distance.

Pray for the staff in Ninewells who are looking after us.

Pray for our journeys to/from the Island and Edinburgh/Dundee.

Pray for my Mum Christine as she prepares to support me in Kevin's absence.

Pray for the next stage of the process - the action scan on the 29th Sept, where my follicles will be measured. They are looking for 2 or 3 follicles to reach 17/18mm before moving onto the next stage. If they are not, then I continue on STIMS and return for another scan a couple of days later.

Throughout all of this, we are simply taking it one day/step at a time & we are so blessed to have reached this first stage to now progress forward.

Thank you so much for your continued support.

Love to you all xxx

[greywoodrpg]

𝕝𝕦𝕔𝕒𝕤 𝕤𝕒𝕟𝕔𝕙𝕖𝕫

he was born forty-three years ago, he is a werewolf who lives in white oaks as the owner of the fable, and is in no pack. he looks an awful lot like pedro pascal.

“throw me to the wolves and i'll return leading the pack.”

tw: drugs, alcohol, experiments, military, violence. 

Lucas was born to a single mother and struggled to fit in from the moment he could socialise with other kids his age, as a result he kept to himself and learnt to enjoy his own company until he started High School and finally found a group of his friends he could rely on. With a lot of pent up anger and resentment from his poor upbringing, Lucas quickly found himself getting into trouble whether it be starting fights, dealing or drinking. With only his mother to depend on, who also struggled with alcohol dependency, Lucas had nowhere to go but down. He'd always been a smart kid, he'd spent so many years with his head in books he'd taught himself plenty but growing up in High school all he wanted to do was impress his group of friends and he'd do anything necessary to make that happen. It didn't matter how smart he was, Lucas never believed he would get anywhere in life. 

After High school he went on to join the Dog Soldier program with his best friend, Rafael Perez, they'd met shortly before school and he'd gone on to be the only person Lucas found himself able to rely on. He'd follow him wherever he went. If Rafael told him to jump, Lucas would ask him how high. So when his friend joined the army, Lucas followed. The pair were inseparable and they went on to suffer and survive the experiments they were put through. The Lucas that had left to join the army never truly came home after that, the deal they'd struck meant he'd promised he'd never speak of what had happened, but even if he could have he wouldn't. For a long time Lucas barely uttered a word to anybody. When he tries to speak he often finds himself stuttering over his words, unable to form proper sentences. He lost contact with what was left of the pack, Rafael included, and went on to find himself forming unhealthy habits surrounding alcohol and sometimes drugs. 

However over time Lucas started to see the perks to being a werewolf and eventually started to dig himself out of the hole he'd found himself in. After some tragic events the wolf refuses to speak of, Lucas left town and found himself in Greywood. He started to volunteer at the fable before he eventually went on to work there, earning himself enough money to find himself a place in Bowden after sleeping rough for some time. While he still keeps to himself, Lucas has worked hard to try and make a better life for himself, though it's not without its struggles. 

Now that he owns the Fable, Lucas focuses his attention fully on his work, managing being a werewolf and hopes one day to find himself in a better position. He continues to struggle with his stutter on occasion and the enhanced hearing he's gained as a result of settling in Greywood can sometimes cause him some distress but Lucas has learnt to adapt to his own way of living and wants to begin again in any way he can. 

“what power did he attain when settling in greywood?”

When he settled into Greywood, Lucas gained an enhanced ability to hear from a long distance. While he tries to keep to himself this ability has proven to be more of a hindrance to help them, often overhearing conversations as he learns to be more mindful of his new power.

penned by... panda

[on-a-lucky-tide]

Voltehre teaches Lambert to read.

When Lambert arrives, he can't even write his own name. That's not unusual for boys that arrive at four or five, but eight? The others ridicule him. Children that grew up in the keep see a boy their age without his letters and assume he's an idiot. That stops after Lambert sends several to the infirmary.

Lambert has walls up. He can't be seen to fail. To fail is to invite mockery and pain. So he won't risk it. He snarls and spits at the instructors. Throws their books at them and tells them to fuck off. The words jump all over the place on the page, they're just fucking shapes, the pen feels wrong in his hand, the sounds make no sense...

Voltehre can tell Lambert's smart. He sees the world differently to the rest of them. Seems to know how it's all meant to slot together and picks up new things so fuckin' quickly. As long as he doesn't have to read or write it.

"Witchers need to be able to read, boy," Vesemir growls impatiently one afternoon, the tatters of yet another manuscript at his feet.

"Guess I'll never be a Witcher then," Lambert hisses back, and storms off to hide in a dark corner.

Voltehre starts by sitting at Lambert's side and reading aloud. He runs his finger beneath each word as he says it. Lambert tells him to get fucked at first, calls him annoying, rolls his eyes, but bit by bit, he begins leaning over and following Voltehre's finger. Voltehre can see his mouth moving around the words, savouring them carefully, eyes squinting.

Eventually, Voltehre convinces Lambert to hold a pen and he teaches him how to write cusses and insults in cursive. The first time Lambert writes his own name, they both stare at it for a moment, until Voltehre turns the 'L' into a dick and ends up in a headlock.

It's not all smooth sailing. Sometimes, Lambert struggles, and Voltehre can see the tears of frustration in his eyes. "S'all good, Bertie," Voltehre says, "I know you'll get it next time." He tugs the ruined parchment away and places another in front of Lambert.

Lambert tries again, because Voltehre thinks he can do it, and Voltehre knows about these things. He gets it right this time. Voltehre rewards him by collecting his mead that dinnertime.

And with the ability to read and write, the world opens up for Lambert like never before. He consumes knowledge rabidly, spending hours at Voltehre's side in the stacks, learning how to create the biggest explosions and how the tides moved and why the mountains were there and--

Voltehre is the first person to believe in Lambert. To hold out his hand while pointing at the rest of the world: I want to share this with you. The first person to not give up when Lambert lashes out in defence. He is... was... Lambert's first friend. His best friend.

Years later, Ciri finds one of Lambert's journals while she's scurrying around the castle. She's managed to leave Vesemir asleep in one of the work rooms but knows she doesn't have long until Geralt finds her. She opens Lambert's journal with a grin, expecting to see sketches of naked ladies, and blinks at the last entry...

'Dear Voltehre,

Today, I read to Ciri. Thank you, brother.'

[ohlooktheresabee]

Mini fic - The List

Fluffy Johnlock fun! Teen rated.

"What is all this about?" John grumbled, taking the pen and clipboard that Greg handed over. There was a single piece of lined paper attached to it. He glanced around at Sherlock (standing, aloof) Donovan (seated, scowling) and Anderson (slouching, worried).

They were crowded into Greg's office at the yard. Greg had sent a vague message about needing John to come in, immediately, and John had needed to do some grovelling to get his regular babysitter to watch Rosie. He hadn't known that Sherlock had been called in as well.

Things had been strained between them ever since that debacle with Eurus. John had tried to put in the effort, but it seemed that Sherlock got colder and more distant with every passing day. Even cases didn't seem to get him going anymore, leaving John to wonder what might...

"Well..." Greg started, obviously uncomfortable. "It's... Look..."

"It's that stuff, isn't it?" Anderson said, clearly anxious. "That lemon-smelling stuff. I knew it was lethal, I just knew it!"

"It wasn't lethal," Donovan said, rolling her eyes. "You're still alive."

John thought back to the incident a month prior. At the end of a long case he, Sherlock, Greg, Donovan and Anderson had all ended up in an industrial warehouse. There was a gunfight, and one of the bullets hit a canister full of some unknown new compound, spraying all of them.

His favorite jacket still smelled like lemon toilet cleaner even now but as none of them had gotten sick, he'd eventually put it out of his mind.

"It wasn't lethal," Greg confirmed. "But still dangerous. Long-term it can cause damage internally, but we have the antidote ready."

Relieved, John noted the reduction in tension, but then Sherlock spoke for the first time.

"If we were merely here to receive the antidote, then what are the pen and paper for?"

Greg again appeared very uncomfortable.

"Well... Turns out this stuff can be passed along..."

"Passed along?"

"Yeah. Um... Through contact. Bodily fluids." Greg was obviously trying to remain professional but struggling with embarrassment.

"What?"

"He means sex, Anderson," Sherlock said with a long suffering sigh. "We might have infected people through having sex."

"Yes, um, that," Greg agreed, beet red. He rallied, "So I just need you all to write down the names and contact information of anyone you had...er...contact with, in the past month. It'll remain confidential, but we need to tell them to come get the antidote."

"Fantastic," Donovan groaned, but she did immediately start writing.

John swallowed, feeling foolish, though he had no real reason to. He decided to brazen it out.

"Well mine's easy," he said, handing the clipboard back to Greg. "Been a slow month."

Greg smiled awkwardly.

The DI wrote something on his own clipboard, and John wondered if he could go. Anderson handed in a blank sheet and Donovan was looking something up on her phone, and Sherlock...

Sherlock was writing.

Sherlock was writing quite a lot.

John tried not to stare as the man reached the halfway point, but then he kept going and it was like John couldn't tear his eyes away.

"Um, Sherlock," Greg spoke up. "We don't need info on everyone you talked to or anything-"

"Just those I had sex with, yes I know," he drawled.

"Uh... Ok then." Greg caught John's eye, eyebrows raised. John felt like he'd been punched in the gut, though he told himself he had no right to feel that way.

Donovan turned in her paper then looked with shrewd interest at Sherlock, going as far as to peek over his shoulder.

"Blonde from Bradford?" She asked. "What's her name?"

"I didn't ask," Sherlock said, not looking up, but then he paused and wrote something else.

"Blonde MAN from Bradford," Sally read aloud. "Still not that helpful you know."

"I'll find him on the security cameras."

John watched Donovan scan the rest of the paper as Sherlock kept writing. He didn't seem at all concerned at her interest, but he did pause after he turned the paper over to write on the back and Greg produced an audible gasp.

"Problem?"

Greg shook his head frantically.

A minute later and it seemed Sherlock was finished. He turned in his clipboard to Greg, who scanned it with what looked like a great effort at composure.

"I'll need your help tracking some of these down," he said after a moment, and Sherlock merely nodded.

Greg led them all to another room marked 'Clinic', and one by one they went in to get a shot of the antidote. While Sherlock was inside out of earshot, Anderson said,

"Always knew he was gay."

"Hardly a brilliant deduction," snorted Sally. Greg scowled at them both.

"Didn't know he was a bit of a slapper though," Anderson continued, voice mean, and both Donovan and Greg looked like they were going to angrily retort.

John beat them to it.

"You shut your mouth!" He snarled, getting into the man's personal space.

"It's a free country and he can do what he likes, and if I hear a word of it has got out then so help me-"

"Alright alright!" Anderson cried, cowering away.

"John?"

"You'll regret the day you met me!" John growled.

"John!"

The voice finally registered. Sherlock.

John flushed, suddenly embarrassed.

"Are we done?" He asked Greg, eyes down.

"Yes," Greg confirmed, and John didn't wait for more. He pushed his way out of the clinic, hurrying away down the hallway, trying to outrun his feelings of awkwardness and disappointment.

It was only when he got outside that he realized Sherlock had been right behind him.

"Look, I'm sorry for making a scene," he mumbled, wishing a cab would magically turn up like it always did for his friend. "I just couldn't let that stand."

"Couldn't let what stand?"

Sherlock sounded a bit bewildered, which was more emotion than John had heard from him for weeks.

"He called you a 'slapper'. You know, like, promiscuous."

"Not really an unfair assessment, given the evidence," said Sherlock. John risked a look at him. Now he looked...amused?

"It's a derogatory term," John insisted, and Sherlock nodded in apparent acceptance.

"So...it doesn't bother you?" Sherlock asked.

"What? No!" John said. He didn't add that he was bothered that his own name wasn't on the list. "I don't care how many people you sleep with."

"Oh."

Was that... Was Sherlock disappointed?

"You might want to learn their names from now on though," John said, trying to lighten the mood. Thankfully, Sherlock chuckled.

"Never seemed very important. Not like we keep in touch or anything."

"So none of them are..."

"No, John" Sherlock answered, and his face softened. "None of them, are."

"Oh...well..."

John thought of all the things he could say. Be supportive of Sherlock's right to see who he pleased, do as he liked. But instead what he said was,

"Good."

"Good?"

"Yeah. Good," John repeated, falling into parade rest. "I'm glad none of them are anything special. I'm glad you don't know their names."

Sherlock was obviously nonplussed. John continued.

"I don't care how long your list of names is. I only care about one thing."

Amazed at his own daring, he took two steps closer to Sherlock - and took encouragement from the way the man's breath hitched.

"I only care," said John, "about whose name is going to be last on that list."

Sherlock's pupils blew abruptly wide.

"Have...have you got any suggestions?" Sherlock asked, barely seeming able to get the words out. John stepped closer again, head spinning but determined. He stretched up so he could whisper;

"Captain John Hamish Watson of the Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers. Blonde, from London."

All the warning John had was an anguished sort of keen from Sherlock, before he was being kissed like the world was ending. Sherlock had hold of his shoulder and jaw and John pulled him closer by the waist, tilting his head so he could give as good as he got.

After a moment he did his best to gentle the kiss, feeling Sherlock tremble against him. His lips were so soft, John knew he would happily go on kissing him forever if given the chance.

"Alright?"

Sherlock hummed, nuzzling into his neck. John was undone with relief.

Having Sherlock there where he belonged was worth everything. It was worth getting doused with mysterious chemicals and fraught police text messages and childcare and embarrassment and lists. Those were all irrelevant as long as he could have his detective in his arms at last.

As if reading his mind, Sherlock murmured,

"They didn't mean anything, John." John squeezed him in reassurance.

"I know, Sherlock. But..."

"But?" Sherlock leaned back, looking a bit anxious.

"But you must have learned a thing or two from them, hmm?"

Sherlock laughed in surprise, eyes twinkling with mischief.

"I might have. Just showed you some, with that kiss... want to see some more?"

"God, yes," sighed John.

Sherlock raised his hand and a cab of course appeared, whisking them off towards Baker Street, and the future.