#new kind of autism just dropped

[kyouka-supremacy]

( •_• )

[lunarflare64]

I think once the batch of showdowns and competitions I'm following are done I should probably block the tags. Any feeling in excess can be bad, and for me the one feeling that can never come in moderation is competitiveness, I don't know how to back down and it makes me a kinda shit person, I've been holding back as much as I can, I don't think I've done anything mean, but I've gotten close and its not a mindset I'm fond of, it feels really unpleasant. So yeah, checking out of that stuff hopefully soon

[illdowhatiwantthanks]

Not really a request, at least not a super detailed one but, anything with Rosa Diaz x autistic reader would be amazing!!

Maybe R drops off some lunch or something for rosa and meets the rest of the squad or smth?

In general i am in love with your autistic!reader fics. Im currently in the process of being diagnosed with autism, and its just really rather comforting to see myself in a reader insert

-Ara

Hey, Ara! 🥰 So glad you enjoy the autistic!reader fics! They are some of my favorites to write. I was just diagnosed about a year ago, so it's still new-ish for me, but I also find a lot of comfort in the autistic reader inserts. Hope this is what you're looking for, and best of luck with your diagnosis process! Feel free to reach out if you need a fellow autistic pal to talk through stuff with! 💕 –illdowhatiwantthanks

A Little Lunch

Rosa Diaz x autistic!fem!reader Warnings: explicit language, overstimulation (the autism kind), established relationship (let me know if I missed anything!) Word count: 1.4k

Summary: People aren't your forte, but you told your girlfriend you'd have lunch with her at the precinct, and so you will. And it goes... surprisingly better than expected.

You took a few deep breaths outside the precinct door, sandwiches from Rosa’s favorite shop in hand. You’d never visited her at work before, never met her coworkers. People weren’t your strong suit. But Rosa had asked you. She didn’t ask you for much. She liked to keep her work life separate from her personal life, for the most part. And the fact that she wanted you to meet her squad? Well, you couldn’t let her down. You wouldn’t.

The overhead lights were bright, and the general office noise was overwhelming when you stepped inside. You lurked in a corner, trying to acclimate yourself, trying to survey the room and find Rosa and calm yourself down so you could have a nice, normal lunch with your girlfriend.

You jumped a bit as a woman in a rolling chair slid in front of you, hands pressed together over her waist.

“Is that my Panera?” she said, staring at the bag in your hands.

“Uh… no.”

The woman stared at you for a moment, and you shuffled uncomfortably under her gaze and felt the need to provide a reason for your presence.

“I’m, uh… I’m here to see Rosa. Diaz. She's a detective. Do you know where she is?”

The woman’s face lit up. “Ohhhh… interesting. Did she order Panera, too? Great minds.” She held out your hand for you to shake, so you did. “Gina Linetti,” she told you. “Dancer, secretary, genius.”

“Gina, stop tormenting my girlfriend!”

You’d know that voice anywhere. You visibly relaxed as Rosa walked into the squad room, placing a strong, protective hand at the small of your back.

Gina held up her hands, as if in defense. “Sorry, Rosa. I thought she was Panera.”

“She’s not Panera,” Rosa growled. “She’s my girlfriend, and we’re eating lunch, and you’re leaving us alone.”

Rosa took your hand and led you through the precinct, into a break room scattered with tables where, alone and away from prying eyes, she planted a gentle kiss on your cheek.

“You okay?” she asked softly.

You nodded and held up the bag of food. Rosa gestured toward the table and went to grab napkins and, for neither the first nor the last time, you were grateful that you often didn’t need words with Rosa. You were comfortable in one another’s silence and, for you, this was life-changing. Your words were one of the first things to go when you got overstimulated, but Rosa never seemed to mind. For this, and for many other reasons, you loved her.

But you’d barely started on your lunch before people started trickling into the break room: Jake, Amy, Charles. All ostensibly eating lunch, too, even if they’d already taken lunch, even if all they had was a bag of chips from the vending machine, as Jake did.

“So, Y/N,” Amy started. “How did you and Rosa meet?”

Rosa jumped in before you forced yourself to say anything. “Hey,” she spat at the group crowding the table next to yours. “When I told Y/N she could meet me for lunch, I meant me. Not me and half the squad. Scram, losers.”

You gave a little half wave as they slunk out of the room, smiling a little as Charles mouthed off to you behind Rosa’s back: “We’ll catch up later!”

“Sorry,” Rosa said a few minutes later. “I know they can be a bit much.”

You shook your head and squeezed her hand, able to find your voice again. “It’s okay. They seem nice.”

“If by nice, you mean fucking crazy, then yes.”

A knock on the doorframe. At first, Rosa seemed annoyed by the interruption, but when she saw that it was Captain Holt she looked almost… proud?

“Captain,” she said, rising from her seat and nodding at him. She gestured toward you. “This is my girlfriend, Y/N. Y/N, Captain Holt.”

You moved to stand and shake his hand, but Holt stopped you. “Oh, no, please.” He sat down next to you, and Rosa seemed comfortable with him, so you decided that Captain Holt was someone you would like. “It’s lovely to meet you,” he said.

“You too,” you replied, trying not to let your voice shake too much. You tried to think of something to say, tried to think of a topic of conversation, but you were floundering. Your voice was hard for you on a regular day, even sometimes with people you loved, like Rosa. You just couldn’t manage to force anything out. You felt your cheeks growing red. You hoped you weren’t embarrassing Rosa.

You couldn’t have said all this to Rosa even if you’d wanted to, but Rosa always seemed to get it anyway.

“Y/N, Captain Holt and his husband are going to the symphony tonight. I told him that was one of your favorites, too.”

You lit up. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Rosa, you thought. You loved the symphony. She was right; it was one of your favorites. Despite Rosa’s general indifference toward classical music, she’d gotten you both season passes for your birthday. She didn’t love the music, but she loved the way your eyes shone when you listened, the way you perched on the edge of your seat like a child. She loved that when she held your hand during the performances, she could tell when you were particularly moved because you’d get goosebumps and the hair on your skin would stand up.

“Oh, it’s John William Weischselbraun tonight, right? Bach’s Oboe Sonata? That should be excellent!”

Holt looked about as excited as Rosa had ever seen him.

“You’re a fan of the oboe, are you?” he asked, eyebrows raised.

“Oh, yes, sir.” You nodded enthusiastically. “I played oboe in my high school orchestra. It’s a severely underrated instrument.”

Rosa beamed at you as Holt reached out to shake your hand. “Diaz....” he said, shaking a finger at her. “She’s a keeper.”

“Yes, sir,” Rosa nodded.

He stared at her reproachfully. “I hope you take this fine lady to the symphony and not just to your rock concerts.”

“She does, sir,” you assured him. “We even have season passes.” And then you had what you thought was maybe one of your more brilliant ideas. “Maybe we could all go together, sometime? Me and Rosa and you and your husband?”

Rosa and Captain Holt stared at each other for a moment, and you were afraid you’d misread the situation terribly. You’d always thought that Rosa liked Captain Holt, at least from the way she talked about him. You thought they were friendly with one another. Maybe you’d been wrong.

You tried to backtrack. “Or maybe not,” you blurted. “Just a thought.”

You couldn’t help but smile at how quickly both Rosa and Captain Holt jumped to reassure you. So quickly that their voices overlapped.

“That’d be great, babe.”

“Now, doesn’t that sound nice?”

Gina rolled in front of the door to the break room. “Captain, you have a phone call,” she yelled out as her chair rolled by.

“Excuse me,” Holt said, standing. He stood, pressed his hand over yours and said, “Truly nice to meet you, Y/N. I look forward to our mutual date.”

When he’d gone, Rosa stared at you. She was smiling. Really smiling.

“What?” you asked, your face reddening.

She leaned forward and kissed you quickly, her hand gently grasping your chin.

“What was that for?”

She tucked your hair behind your ear. “You did really good today,” she whispered. “I know you were nervous. Thanks for lunch.”

You turned an even deeper shade of red. “Anytime. Or, well, sometimes.”

She smirked and kissed you one more time, pulling away quickly as Jake wolf-whistled from the doorway.

“Shut your mouth, Peralta, or I’ll shut it for you,” she growled.

It was always so funny to you to see Rosa with others. So rough, so intimidating. When she turned back to you, she was soft. She was always soft with you.

“I’ll see you tonight?” she asked, squeezing your hand.

You nodded, as you stood to leave, perching on tiptoes to kiss her on the cheek. Your voice had slipped back inside of you for the time being, so you simply squeezed her hand back and let her walk you out of the precinct.

Rosa watched you go, swinging your arms a bit as you walked down the sidewalk, and her heart ached. She loved you so much. Your quiet voice, that was always a gift to hear. Your swinging, fidgety arms. The fact that you loved her so much, so purely. She only hoped she could show you just as much love in return.

[cripplecharacters]

I'm writing a character with intellectual disability and I can't find much about how the different skill areas affected will be affected based on the level of ID. He has mild ID, IQ measured to be between 60-69, but I was wondering if I made his symptoms too severe and if what he has would actually be moderate. Are these realistic for someone with mild ID, or would these indicate more severe ID?

He started copying sounds at around the same age most babies do, maybe a month or so late, but didn't really understand what they meant until he was around four, when he made the connection that certain sounds had certain meanings. He picked up language decently after that, a bit slower than most but he did eventually hit language milestones, just a few years late

He's not good at problem solving. If he's seen a similar problem get solved he can usually replicate the solution, but if he's never seen this problem or the solution to it he'll struggle to come up with a solution that works. If the solution he's seen work in the past isn't possible, that's also something that'll throw him through a loop. Like if he drops and breaks a plate and he knows the solution to this situation in the past, get his dad and then go find the broom and dustpan so his dad can clean it up, isn't possible because his dad isn't home, it'll take him a little bit before he can adapt that solution to "I need to get the broom and dustpan to clean this up." He can get there, it just takes him a minute.

He was very late to reading and basic math, picking up reading at writing at around seven, addition and subtraction a little bit after, and multiplication, division, and fractions at around ten. Once he gets it he can start growing the skill, it just took him a while to get it.

Planning ahead is also something he struggles to do well. He can come up with unrealistic plans easily, but coming up with an actual plan on how to spend a day out is hard for him and when he does have that plan, any deviance from the plan really stresses him out because now he needs a whole new plan.

He's good at abstract thinking, but there are some things he can't understand. He gets that ableism is a thing, that people see him and think less of him for being disabled (outside of the ID, he is visibly disabled,) but he can't for the life of him figure out why people are taking their observations and using them to be cruel.

His ability to learn from experience is good, it's one of the easiest ways for him to learn things and it's the way his parents taught him some things. He can also learn from the experiences of others- if his dad cuts his hand on a knife while cooking and is thus injured, he can understand from that that knives can hurt and that if they hurt his dad, they'll hurt him, so he shouldn't mess with them without being very careful.

He is also very bad at picking up on body language and facial expressions.

Because he was homeschooled (the elementary and middle school didn't have a good special education system,) a lot of this was kind of brushed off as "Oh, it's because he was homeschooled" when he did start going to school as a teenager. His teachers knew, of course, but the people he befriended didn't really notice, brushing off the things they noticed him struggling with as being products of him being homeschooled. So he's not extremely obviously intellectually disabled to the untrained eye, but teachers and people who know other people with ID can usually pick up on it.

I feel like all of this might be a bit too severe for mild ID, but I also worry that if I change it so he has moderate ID I'll be underplaying what moderate ID is. Sorry for the long ask.

Hi!

A lot of the traits remind me less of myself (mild end of mild) and more of some of my ex classmates (moderate). Some of the points are more universal (understanding of body language can be really hard or really easy depending on the cause of the ID, e.g. intellectually disabled people with autism will usually have a hard time regardless of ID level) but most to me read as "more disabled than me" so either he's on the severe end of mild, or just moderate. The only one that reads pretty strictly as mild is the last one, if someone only has ID with no comorbidity then often others can't tell for a while or brush it off as something else (I'm autistic and people sometimes guess autism, sometimes ID, sometimes things I don't have). I feel like if he experiences all the other points, other people would probably be able to notice rather quickly, if not as "obviously ID" then they would notice that he's developmentally disabled in some way (though, from interacting with moderately ID people in SPED, pretty much everyone could tell, especially abled people).

Other than his classmates not being able to tell, this sounds like a pretty good representation of someone with moderate intellectual disability. I wouldn't hang on what exact number or exact severity he was diagnosed with, just saying "intellectually disabled" is good. ID is a spectrum and it doesn't have hard edges (IQ measurement is deeply flawed), sometimes it can be hard to tell where someone exactly lies on it. There's not that much difference between me, very close to the "normal range", and someone else, very close to the "ID range". I just wouldn't say that your character has mild since it does sound like it's probably in the moderate range rather than in the mild or Ambiguous one, but focusing on the exact label isn't that important in my opinion.

If you want him to have mild ID because he has a condition that causes ID that is specifically mild and not more severe, then I think it would be easier to change the condition than the character. Many of these traits seem thought-out and impact the character a lot, so changing them could be almost like rewriting the entire character.

I hope this helps,

mod Sasza

[problemstarchild]

I don't go here (college AUs) but please, for your consideration for Laios/Kabru AUs.

Laios is a returning education veteran and Kabru's in a bunch of the same Gen Ed classes as him. He's trying to figure out this guy's deal and going wild coming up with what kind of guy he is, but he overhears (eavesdrops on) Laios after class telling a friend he's probably going to have to drop out again because he can't keep up with his work and is having a hard time juggling his job and school. Kabru gets WEIRDLY invested in trying to help connect Laios with his benefits (because if he fails his classes he won't have an excuse to observe him up close anymore), also helping him go through the school to set up a learning plan to help him finish his work. Kabru is VERY cagey about why he knows how to do all of this stuff. (Autism to autism radar, PTSD to PTSD radar.) BONUS: Study buddies and Laios stays over, Laios is really neat from his time in the army and cleans up Kabru's fucked up and evil apartment which is so nasty because he's never washed a dish or a clothes in his life.

Kabru has to take another lab science credit as part of his Gen Ed courses and decides to pick Environmental Science, with Senshi as his professor. Laios is working with him as a fresh TA and he's just SO fucked up and weird about science. He's supposed to be studying pond water bacteria under a microscope but instead he's just studying this giant slab of beef who keeps bringing venomous snakes to class and talking about their importance to the ecosystem.

[SILLY] Laios is taking some art courses for fun along with the things he needs for his degree, he's pretty good, but he really only draws animals and sometimes landscapes. One class is figure drawings and Kabru is the model. Kabru's being very professional about it even though he definitely Looked once or twice. They have to show their work at the end of class and Kabru lingers behind a little in a robe to look at the art (and also because he definitely wanted Laios' number) but unfortunately for him. Laios' drawings. Are sooooooo bad. And Kabru tries to be so polite about it after class but also what the fuckkkkkk.

[SILLY] Laios isn't even in college in this one. Marcille is a TA for one of Kabru's afternoon classes. They're not close, but they watch some of the same soap operas and take the same bus to the same stop after class where Falin picks Marcille up and Kabru walks the rest of the way to his apartment, so they've taken to sitting together when possible to avoid Bus Strangers and chatting politely about whatever's new on the Daltian Clan this week. Except the one day Laios pulls up instead of Falin because she's busy taking care of a cat she found on the street or something and Kabru is basically like AWOOOOOOGA and is Not As Subtle As He Thinks He Is about asking Marcille casually about him going forward until she sets them up on an unwitting double date.

Kabru got accepted to this school on a fencing scholarship and fantastic grades. Laios is trying out for the fencing team because it's the closest thing he can legally do to being a guy with a cool sword. Rivalry? Shenanigans?

[callofdudes]

Keegan P. Russ x Autistic Reader

A/n: Once again, I myself am not autistic, I'm just here to try and spread love to you guys through characters. If any of this is wrong you can feel free to let me know ♥️

Keegan had a small circle. He didn't people a whole lot but mentoring the new kids that somehow ended up under his wing kind of became his thing. Like the unethical uncle whose closer in age to you than your parents kinda thing.

So when he heard you'd be joining the team he knew you were damn good. They hadn't had someone join for a while considering how tight knit that were, under the radar and skilled.

So whoever you were, you were worthy and Keegan could recognize that. Even if he'd test for himself your limits on field.

When you first met him he wasn't exactly what you'd expected. The others looked somewhat presentable and there was... Keegan. 😂😅

You were nervous to impress them and didn't want to fail. You were given the opportunity to work with the ghost team. You didn't want to screw it up.

When you met him, those first few days were extremely anxiety inducing. Shaking his hand and struggling to keep your eyes in one place.

"Eyes on me soldier."

"Sorry sir." You whispered, looking up at him briefly before your eyes darted away somewhere else again.

"Have trouble with eye contact soldier?"

"Yes sir... Sorry."

"That's fine. Just address me respectfully. We'll work on the eye contact."

You nod a little, following after him while Logan and Hesh follow after.

It didn't take too long. He eventually got his hands on your proper file instead of word of mouth and got to reading. This is where he discovered you are autistic.

Ah, so that explained eye contact. He doesn't know a lot about autism. He knows it makes a person neurologically different from others. But that was about it.

He just shrugged and went along with it, figuring he could learn from watching you. Since staying in the background and watching was his thing.

He watched you attempt to socialize with the others. They were all relatively quiet, all except for Hesh and Logan, who were riding the excitement of a new member.

They were a family and happy to welcome you and your skills in.

Over time Keegan got to noticing little things about you. How you flinched and at louder noises and your nose scrunched whenever you accidentally touched something you didn't like.

Especially the masks that they had for you guys to optionally wear. They were scratchy and tight and just didn't feel the best. Immediately turning down the offer to wear it.

Keegan noticed how you are your food, what you would refuse and what you'd eat. Your little organized piles, as well as with your new room.

Huh, autism definitely had its perks. That what he thought at first. One mission where you were forced to wear the mask for clearance purposes changed that.

You were stuck in this tight, itchy thing. It made your face too hot and pulled at your cheeks. You kept tugging it and trying to move it, scrunching up when it rubbed on your skin.

"Keep up kid." Keegan called behind him as he walked further along the old road. Your feet picked back up, silently following while trying to just get over the feeling of the mask.

Everything was going good, the air was quiet, the enemies were still. The ghost team doing what it did best.

Until the stress, the mask, the smell of the air through the fabric, and something inside you all too familiar snapped.

You dropped your gun at your hilt, immediately clawing at the thing desperately. Keegan whipped around, gun aimed until he saw it.

"Kid- kid, easy." He went over, attempting to pull your hands away but tears filled your eyes. "Get it off- get it off! Get it off!" You choked, voice cutting into nothing.

"You need to keep it on, it's fine."

You sobbed, finally pulling the edge, trying to rip it off your face, so Keegan stepped in. Pushing your back against the wall, his knee pressing into you as he gently pulled the mask off, letting you breathe.

Your back against the wall was grounding, breathing in air, rubbing your sweaty face of the afterfeeling. "Easy... Keep your head in the game, kid."

After that Keegan decided to do some more digging. He hadn't seen you looked so panicked.

That's where he learned about your sensitivity to different things and how textured, tastes, smells, touch, all can be affected.

And he felt that protectiveness. He didn't have to, but he went to the main office and got a different mask approved. It was a smoother, almost silk texture. Not too heavy, and it was loose. Next mission he gave it to you.

"Kid, try this." He tossed you the mask and in a last second you caught it, looking at it. "For me?" You looked back up at him.

"Keep your helmet on straight, you should be fine." He grabs his gun, nodding. "Wanna help you do your job right, right?"

You smiled softly. "Right."

From that point on Keegan pretty much adopted you. You were a good fighter, sometimes getting overwhelmed. When you were alone down in the compound with the others in the building, he was there.

"Keegan..."

"Talk to me kid, what do ya need?"

"I don't know what to do..." Your breathing was picking up as you looked at all the corners and empty fields.

Keegan nodded, grabbing the monitor. "Alright, couple feet in front of you, then you'll make a left. Should be two guys at the end of that wall. Take them down."

Keegan walked you through. It became habit to help you through when you needed it or felt unsure and overwhelmed.

And if anyone attempted to bully you or point it out? I pray for their soul, because God is the last thing they'll be talking to after that.

Keegan is pretty protective of you, and overtime You've grown closer to you. You opened up about your life with autism over drinks one evening. Telling him about the good and the bad.

Keegan wasn't the hugest talker, so he listened. Eyes on you, he tipped his drink to his mouth as you talked about autism. And then slowly throughout telling some of your life story you dragged onto topics of your favorite game characters or action figures. Iconic music people you liked or movies. And Keegan listened with interest.

You two talked until the bar closed and Keegan covered the tab, escorting you out the door.

"Keegan." You touched his arm.

He turned before getting in the car, looking at you. "Yeah?"

"Thanks. People usually say I'm annoying... You listened though."

Keegan hummed. "Always listening kid. Always."

You chuckled and rolled your eyes playfully. You got in the car and the two of you headed home.

After a nightmare of the battlefield, you would usually just hide. Your weight blanket under your bed usually worked. Your other squadmates hated you and you first started having nightmares around them.

But this time, breathing heavy, tears in your eyes, you found yourself at Keegan's door.

Keegan grumbled as he unlocked it and looked at you. "Kid... Y'ok?"

You shake your head, trembling. "Can I... Stay with you?"

There was a tense moment. Keegan didn't let many people into his room, or his bed, for any reason on that matter. But something tugged on that heart of his buried somewhere in there.

"Come in. Get comfy as you need."

You nodded gratefully and came over. Keegan let you lay down, smelling the familiar smell of Keegan on the sheets. Seeing his room for the first time. If was dark, there weren't any vibrant colors or patterns so it wasn't as much to look at.

But sometimes that's nice.

Keegan sat in the chair by his desk, looking at you, watching you get all situated in bed.

"Keegan can..." You sniffed. "Can you lay on top of me?"

He frowned. "What for?"

"Just... Please, it's complicated."

Keegan could see in your eyes you weren't pulling his leg so he did. Crawling into bed, making sure you were comfy on your back before slotting himself on top of you, arms wrapped around you a little, head settling.

"This ok?"

You wrapped your arms around him tightly. "Yes, thank you." You whispered. And within 20 minutes you were back asleep. With a warm, known body against yours.

Keegan has got your back. It's something you've slowly come to realize over time. Whether it be helping with food, environment, being a giant human weight blanket, talking you through missions, letting you ramble about anything you'd like.

You found yourself smiling with this family. Getting a chuckle out of him as you rambled on and on about things you wanted so desperately to talk about. Stuff someone was willing to hear.

This was a place that made you feel safe, a person you felt safe with.

Keegan could probably do some more research, and he promises he will find the time for it, but for now, he will learn alongside you as you grow more and more into an even better soldier.

[ndcultureis]

nd culture is realising that neurotypical people don't experience joy the same way that i do and feeling genuinely sorry for them, because it just sounds really sad that you can read a fanfiction and not get all excited and start flapping hands and what do you mean you aren't doing weird little noises because your favorite artists will drop a new album soon and what do you mean you are not jumping because your favorite song is playing?

what do you do with all that joy that fills you then? do you just... keep it inside you? isn't it kind of exhausting to have all that energy and emotions bottled up?

(i'm aware that all neurodivergent people experience joy differently and the examples that i have given here are about my experience but this submission is about stimming in general and i'm not saying there is anything wrong with neurotypical people or with neurodivergent people who don't stim as much, it's just more about my lack of understanding that other people can feel different than me which is connected to my autism sorry if i sound mean)

.

[hfjonewiki]

please please talk about the osc dark ages. i avoided it for awhile i think. i need to know just how shitty and poorly-made object shows were back then. looks at you with my big wet eyes.

when i talk about the "dark ages" of the osc, i'm specifically talking about a time period spanning from the mid-to-late 2010s.

the "dark ages" are marked by a sudden drop in activity from most popular object shows, and the prominence of cringe culture in that era. around this time, a lot of popular object show creators were at an age where they were now full-time college students, leaving them with very little time to work on their shows. inanimate insanity was releasing about one episode per year at this point, and bfdi was completely inactive. i don't know much about what the huangs were doing during this time, but i do know that for ii, things were MESSY behind the scenes. i followed adam's deviantart journals pretty actively around this time, and he often talked about his struggles with his decision to study animation professionally, and how he was unsure of the show's future. there was actually a time where he briefly stepped down of the director of the show, but it thankfully didn't last long. (fun fact! baseball's monologue in s2e10 about his inability to lead his alliance was ad-libbed by adam, and was a reflection of how he felt about his ability to direct the show and its team at the time.) the inanimate insanity kickstarter was launched towards the tail-end of this time period, and it's extremely likely the show wouldn't have continued at all had it not been funded.

the other major contributor was the rise of "cringe culture". we're talking about a time where youtubers like filthy frank and leafyishere absolutely DOMINATED youtube. the internet was not an environment that appreciated any kind of joyous whimsy and unabashed love of your interests. many osc creators and alumni were in their late teens, which is already an age where you become mildly to severely irony-poisoned, but the culture of the time only made it worse. object shows were seen as Dumb and Lame, even by the people who had spent years of their life working on them. multiple "joke" object shows released, the most famous of which being object redundancy (i actually can't find the year this one released, as its only kept alive via reuploads now, none of which have a date), and my goat, object show 87. if you want to get a feel for the community around this time, os87 is the poster child for it. it's full of edgy and offensive jokes (i mentioned this already, but there's a character who's name is straight up a slur, or at least a very offensive term), outdated references (keemstar is a contestant.), and an almost unrelenting hatred for popular object show tropes. object show 87 is a show that HATES the fact that it's an object show. it's honestly fascinating to me, and i've considered making a video essay on it. and it wasn't even a show made by some randos, object show 87 was made by SAM THORNBURY and XANYLEAVES. these weren't some random assholes with a hateboner for the genre, these were some of the most prolific creators and animators in the community.

it was an absolutely miserable time to be an object show fan. the stream of new episodes and shows had dried up, and what DID come out was just a bunch of edgy teenagers going "haha object shows are so doopid. i am going to say a slur now". it was not a good time to have object show autism.

[drdemonprince]

moving soon-ish. i am blessed to have considerable overlap in the time i have at the old place while already having access to the new place. moving makes me so terribly anxious that i typically throw out semi useful appliances, furniture, and clothes I will miss alongside actual junk. but this time i am moving to a place for the long term so that i can have a bookcase and an actual desk and not go insane. and i have the gift of time so i can bring a lot over in phases.

i spent this morning cleaning out the dishes drawers, the junk drawer, and under the sink at the old place.

i filled up three jumbo trash bags with junk. actual junk. old paper bags and gas bills that have been paid and expired hydroponic weed growing chemicals and dry rubber bands and used gift cards and sticky cough drops and such.

i found a much-needed power drill, clean sponges, a replacement filter for the cold brew maker, a clean drain catcher, a tea ball, all kinds of good stuff. everything that remains is tidily sorted into plastic bags i can run over to the new place at my leisure.

started hanging art at the new spot too. dorian electra poster my friend blair gave to me. a printed out tumblr image edit of punished snake with a flower crown.

the painting that is on the korean cover of Unmasking Autism.

and this art, made by an illustrator for a short erotic hypno story that i wrote for Autostraddle:

it feels good to have art up that isnt just representative of who i am, but is literally art made based on my writing and is connected to my career. and to put up items of significance based on my relationships and where i came from. tumblr raised me and ive shared dorian concerts with some of my dearest friends.

i should get a corkboard for postcards and such from friends too.

[concerningwolves]

god I'm reading Devon Price's latest substack essay on burnout, and it's.. it's confirming and crystallising something that I've suspected for a long time, actually.

See, all throughout school, I would have days – roughly every month or so, sometimes two months – where I became Unwell. The symptoms never really fit anything, but I'd be exhausted, irritable, headachey, sometimes feeling kind of feverish. Most importantly, i'd just Know that I couldn't cope with school that day. I can remember these starting in middle school and getting more frequent and pressing into high school. When I did take the day off, I'd watch TV or films and sleep a lot, and then by the evening – if it wasn't a weekend night – I'd be in this weird place of feeling rested but also crushingly anxious with the knowledge that i'd just be back at school tomorrow. Holidays weren't truly restful either, except for maybe the middle two weeks of the six-week summer break. The two week Christmas and Easter breaks? I'd start to feel a bit better towards the end of the first week, then the dread would build up again throughout the second week. By my GCSEs, I couldn't keep up my academic drive, so I picked the subjects I most wanted to do well in (English, German, Biology, and History + maths because I needed to pass it so I could be done with it), focused my revision on those, and coasted by with perfunctory revision on the other seven subjects. It's honestly shocking to me that I got a full 12 GCSEs. People tell me that my results were good, and I know that logically they're right, but it took me a long time to be proud of them because I always knew that I hadn't really tried. It took me even longer to accept that if I had given every subject my all, it probably would have broken me.

As it was, I made it into my first term of college before I hit breaking point. Three A Levels (English lang & lit, history, psychology), dreams of a career in psychology or psychiatry, writing in all my spare time. I'd been very mentally unwell all through high school, but I'd always imagined that college would be my escape. First I was going to study philosophy, history, and English literature – but then that college had to drop the philosophy course. My next chosen college was an incredibly competitive college that held students to very high standards. I had the grades to get in, and I was dithering between a selection from English literature, history, classical studies, sociology, philosophy, or psychology. But I never made it in, because I missed the induction day. Students who missed the induction day automatically forfeited their placement. In hindsight, that was the first warning, but instead I felt wretched for a few days, then decided, fuck it, I was going to my final last choice college instead.

And in less than six months, I had an absolute breakdown. Anyone who was following me circa 2018 may remember the fallout. Skill regression. Low mood. Weeks spent just watching Supernatural or sleeping. Panic attacks. I never truly got my feet back under me. I dropped down to one a level and abandoned all thoughts of university, and scraped by college until I could just get out of there.

And reading this article, looking back at the trajectory of my life since 2018, it's... Eye-opening, to say the least. I don't know if I'm recovered or still recovering, or adjusting to my new baseline, nearly seven years later. Sometimes I wonder if an autism diagnosis earlier might have helped – might have given me the language and the tools to understand what was happening to me on all of those Unwell Days. So I grieve for that potential. I don't hate my life now, it's just.... I have to wonder, you know? What might have been. Could I have caught the burnout sooner? Headed it off? I don't know. I can't know. all I've got is where I'm at now, which is certainly something to be proud of, because I made it, even if I'm not anywhere near what's "normal" or "expected" of a 23 year old. and I have my whole life ahead of me yet. 23 years is nothing, in the grand scheme of things. Remembering that is always a balm.

But still I wonder. I grieve. It's hard not to.

[moonschocolate]

Tom Riddle headcanons!!

because lately i've been thinking about this tragic little human <3

tw: mention of torture as a topic

first of all I wanted to clarify that in this there's no Voldemort, no interest in practicing dark magic, just a teen who goes to Hogwarts soo... :)

proud slytherin. no matter how much other people can say 'slytherin = bad' he just doesn't care, he will not argue with you if you think or say that cause he will find it pointless

I don't now where I read this, but if I'll find it I will tag the person who said this before me: he has autism!!

which means he is not a very social person, and he has little/no friends

and he is deeply attached to an object/topic

the topic in question is dark magic

he doesnt want to practice it, he just finds the whole thing interesting

which deeply concerns professors

he knows everything. about horcruxes, the three unforgivable curses, origin and all

he simply thinks that knowledge is knowledge

IF HE READS?!?! OH DAMN

i strongly believe he has one hell of a library in his dorm

the most dramatic myths ever? knows them

he's just a nerd

read books about t0rture, c0mmunism, n@zism, because knowledge is knowledge

also reads light books of course i dont want to scare you

maths is not his thing

like yes he's good at it but he doesnt really care

did i say hes dramatic?

and an absolute pessimist

since i do not believe that his hair is like that just because it is, he HAS to have a hair routine (DROP IT TOM)

has an infinite collection of bookmarks

no person is allowed to touch his books

doesnt write on books even with pencils

listens to DRAMATIC classical music

EXAMPLE

(also y'all have to teach me how to put spotify songs with the blue rectangle cuz i dont have a clue on how)

JUST THE START

Idk it reminds me of him (and regulus but this is not about him)

this goes against the fact that he's dramatic, but i think that in a relationship he would be a good-old fashioned lover boy

flowers, love letters, POEMS, kissing in the rain, handing you his jacket when you're cold

and of course he wears suits

NOT a sports kid

mf doesn't know a single sport

he just learned how to swim

that's it

is defo the kind of person who is SOSOSOSOSO SKINNY

He's skeptical af on food

like i believe he's a picky eater

and i dont think he eats a lot

like he will go through the day with some coffees, some water, breakfast and a snack in the afternoon

is always gentle doing anything

when he's mad he's even more mad that he can't throw anything because then he would be even more angry that it got broken

has NO PHYSICAL FORCE AT ALL

Like his arms are spaghetti

im sorry but imo he's short

like 1.70 cm (5'5''-5'6'')

which is not really short

I CANT SEE HIM AS A TALL BEING

will not admit it but hates the sea

like as long as he can reach with his feet the "land" below then it's no problem

if he can't he'll try to act cool and say he's tired and immediately get out of the sea

it gives him a sense of pure confusion because he doesnt know what he could run into

which annoys him

because when he cant know something it hurts him physically emotionally psychologically

he knows plenty of languages

english, french, latin, russian and german

why?

because it's cool

also knows how to play the piano and the flute and the viola

"never judge a book by its cover" he does exactly the opposite

especially with books he judges the book by the cover, if he likes the cover he'll like the book too

and people can gain his interest only at first sight

he hates how lots of people can easily change their opinions as long as their group/loved ones have a different opinion

or how people always follow the crowd

people who judge mudbloods just because they're mudbloods are too stupid for him

i think we all know that he is THE teachers' pet

he's the Hermione of his generation

which means that while there are plenty of people with their hands raised the only one who will be listened to is tom

is a MANIAC in cleaning

his bed and his overall room is always tidy af

he hates getting his uniform dirty

he has plenty of nightmares about his past

which he never talks about with anyone

is the kind of person to have 4 or 5 cats

he is absolutely quiet

i got a strong feeling that this man was bullied before hogwarts at the orphanage

he has a cute little stuffed animal in really bad shape which he has from his years at the orphanage and it's hidden at the end of his wardrobe

he strongly despises children because he doesn't have a clue how to deal with them

acts like he has patience

lacks patience

in a modern au, the only thing he'd have going to school would be a black pen

not because he didnt care or was too lazy to get other things but because he didnt find having 3985729947 pens and highliters necessary

dada would be boring for him because out of curiosity he would've already learned most of the spells or wtv

i dont remember if i said it but quidditch is NOT something he likes

or just flying on a broom in general

(remus lupin behavior)

(I had to say it)

studying consists in him burying his face in the books for like 4 or 5 hours straight (my man has some serious issues)

you could tell im completely delusional because he became a killer and nothing's good-old fashioned lover boy about canon him but oh well🥰

[system-of-a-feather]

Thoughts on ESDM

So one of the like... three or four main reasons I moved out to Colorado was to learn and try out ESDM - or Early Start Denver Model. For those that don't know, its a relatively new but highly regarded (albeit some traditional ABA fans dislike it apparently, go figure) due to its active incorperation of developmental and attachment based studies + having some of the most robust research

The thing that has me humoring it at all is that they really dont do any discrete trial training (DTT) or any dedicated "work time" and everything is based in pro-stim play therapy

I heard of it first from my time in university cause the university I went to actually had one of the largest labs participating in research for the treatmenr and I heard it actually from one of their autistic researchers which they do actively look to hire on the labs page

I ALSO ran it by a vibe check from what my therapist (autism specialist, hates ABA) to see what hes heard and thought of it and he hasn't had extensive access to it, but all hes heard and seen is positive stuff and had no outstanding concerns

And so as a hardcore traditional ABA hater who would rather die than do traditional ABA again in ANY form under even the "best clinic" - I was genuinely just curious to see what the hype is

I'm honestly a skeptic despite what I've heard, but I'm on day three of training and (honestly have been doing petty tests to see how dedicated they are to supporting neurodiversity by not only NOT masking actively just stating any reserves I have and dissing traditional ABA whenever I get the chance) so far... I hesitantly want to say I think its living up to the hype???

Tomorrow is when we talk about how we handle "challenging behavior" so I'm KIND of waiting for the second shoe to drop cause if it does at any point in training, it would be there.

But genuinely, compared to what I saw in ABA clinics and even the non-ABA special education (for kids with extra support academically, developmentally or emotionally) classrooms, the kids genuinely seem to be having a much better of a time and actually wanting to be here.

It'll probably be a few months of actually working here before I have a firm stancd about what I think about it but I figured Id document some thoughts and observations I had on the treatment as I didn't see much of anyone talking about it in any "hey I actually hate ABA but do acknowledge that some neurodivergent kids need early support that create a high demand for care that is hard to meet with the current structure of mental health care and availibility of therapists and so I would really like to genuinely see something not traumatizing that can help" cause I personally am hesitant to trust "research" on anything based on ABA cause "research" exists for ABA as well

Anyways Ill be making this a thread of journal-ish things.

[cee-grice]

WIP INTRO - NOTE TO SELF: MURDER COMPLICATES THINGS

(working title lol)

GENRE - romcom x murder mystery

STATUS - first draft

PITCH -

If you'd told Adrian joining a chess club in his freshman year of university would lead to him getting roped into solving the murder of his crush's ex, he probably would have believed you, because nothing would delight the gods more than making his life into a proper joke. He didn't even like chess.

THEMES/FEATURING - lgbtq+, autism rep, best friends to ???, humorous narration, dealing with grief, unrequited (?) love, complicated family dynamics, self-discovery (and self-denial), love expressed through domesticity

SYNOPSIS -

When Adrian first enrolled in university, he had a plan to drop out three months in. Enter Cillian, and there went the plan. Was it a little pathetic all it took was a single charming boy to smile his way for him to fold? No. It was a lot pathetic. Cillian was everything Adrian was not - smart, most obviously. Terribly unfunny (which almost circled back to being funny). Reserved, but weirdly unrestrained. And so completely unaware of his effect on people (Adrian) that it was genuinely painful at times. Ah, and of course - extraordinarily private. Now, Adrian had no problem with that. Or, he hadn't, until Cecile, Cillian's girlfriend, showed up on their apartment's doorstep. Well, that's one way to get fucking friend-zoned. Life went on, Adrian convinced himself he was completely and entirely fine with being just friends, and all was well until-- Until Cillian and Cecile broke up. Until, days later, she went hiking and fell. Death always seems so far away until it's not, and although Adrian is as unprepared to be the emotional support as a door might be, he's nothing if not determined to give it his best shot. Only, he quickly finds out Cillian needs a whole different kind of support. He's convinced Cecile's death wasn't an accident and is set on finding the (potentially non-existent) culprit. And although Adrian is less prepared to be a detective than a fucking door, he's nothing if not absurdly devoted to his completely casual best friend and all his needs.

EXCERPT -

“Vera she first met online,” Cillian said, tapping on the first girl’s, a pretty blonde's, picture. “And Eline is her podcast’s co-host, and she… uh… I don’t remember,” he murmured, and his face twisted with a sudden dismay. “How can I not remember that?” “I barely remember where I met my own friends,” Adrian rushed to say. He opted to not comment on Cillian’s use of the present tense there. “It definitely doesn’t matter here, anyway. She had a podcast, you said?” “Yes,” Cillian said slowly, as if his voice struggled against him. He swallowed. “About true crime. She was… quite passionate about it.” “Oh, huh. She probably would’ve loved all this, then,” Adrian said with a vague gesture at the wall, and, as it’d become too common lately, immediately regretted speaking. Instead of snapping at him, however, Cillian let out a choked sort of laugh. “Oh, yes.” He rested his forehead against the wall, closing his eyes. He breathed, once, twice, until it caught in his throat. “She would never forgive me if I didn’t solve her own case.” When he looked at Adrian, such rawness and desperation swam in his eyes it momentarily paralyzed Adrian. “Do you understand?” Yeah. He thought he did. And the realization only invited forth a whole new wave of dread. Cillian wouldn’t just give up. He wouldn’t just grieve through it, until the ache receded enough for him to think clearly again. To be himself again. He wouldn’t let go until he figured this puzzle out. But if the puzzle didn’t have an answer…

Notes: this is so entirely different from the rest of my works lol. I'm a fantasy girlie, that's what I'm most comfortable with, and yet, this idea has rotted through my brain, and thus I must entertain it. sometimes, you need to give your brain a break from all the worldbuilding and politics, and just write about something domestic (or, as domestic as solving a potential murder can be lol). I haven't ever written a story with the purpose of exploring my own experiences, so that's also new for me x)) anyway, I'm unsure where this will take me still, but ya know. it's the journey that matters anyway:D

if we're still doing taglists, I may make one if someone wanted to be on it lol

[aralisj]

hi umm if you wouldn't mind......... would u drop the "carmy is autistic" list..... because you're so right he's so autistic-coded but i want to compare notes

You don't know the can of worms that you just opened. Know that I cracked my knuckles and kicked my feet excitedly when I got this ask and I would LOVE to hear your insights too.

This is pretty much the format I used for myself, so I do apologize if there's something wrong with it. Also, this is only my appreciation of it and autism is a spectrum, etc.

Difficulty socializing - Imitating forms of communication (sign for "sorry", cursing) - Unable to read when he's being rude (shitty) and need for external confirmation from Sydney - Uneasy in group gatherings (not joining the rest of the staff for family during his first weeks at The Beef), avoiding social events (never been to a party, misses family reunions) - Can be gregarious when masking/using costumes - specifically the scene with him pretending to be Logan at the party - "And [Mikey] had this amazing ability. He could just, he could walk into a room, and he could take the temperature of it instantly. You know, he could just, he could dial it. And, um… I'm not built like that, man. I, um… I didn't have a lot of friends growing up. I had a, a stutter when I was a kid. I was scared to speak half the time. And, uh, I got shitty grades 'cause I couldn't pay attention in school. I didn't get into college. I didn't have any girlfriends. I don't think I'm funny."

Problems with body language - Cannot read easily when he's being teased/mocked and when he isn't: - He gets really defensive when Mikey and Richie mention Claire even if they're being genuine and doesn't calm down until Stevie says so. - He doesn't realize Sydney is joking at first in the alley scene or her outright mocking him in the S3 trailer ("I can sense the sarcasm" "No, no, no. Not sarcasm, snark, contempt even.") - Asking Sydney constantly what's wrong - he listens intently which suggests that he cares but he genuinely can't pick up on what the problem is - Lack of eye contact, especially at the beginning, giving priority to looking at the food than whoever he's talking to. He seems more comfortable with looking at Syd and Richie in the eye than the rest.

Difficulty making friends and navigating relationships - No romantic relationships before Claire (we assume 🤷🏻‍♀️) - When Claire called him and told him that Fak said he was his best friend, Carmy took a second to process and then agreed. He genuinely has no idea. - The whole "a girl who is a friend" debacle

Stimming - Fiddling with his spoon, shaking hands and blinking hard - Arguably, also smoking

Routine -~Consistency~ - "And the routine of the kitchen was so… consistent and exacting and busy and hard and alive" - Wears almost the same outfit every day (white t-shirt, slacks, coat, apron) - Doesn't deal well with change

Special interests - Cooking, drawing, (vintage) fashion - he's really out there cooking in hundred dollar t-shirts and gifting Thom Browne chef whites - Creative and flourishing in his chosen field ("I felt like I could speak through the food, like I could communicate through creativity. And that kind of confidence, you know, like I was finally… I was good at something, that was so new, and that was so exciting") - Understanding the world and other people in terms of food

Abnormal sensory response - Cannot stand certain sounds (~ball breaker~) and doesn't mind others (alarm) - Possibly heightened sense of taste/smell?

From childhood and more notorious overtime - Described as weird and shy even as a child - Stutter - Bad at school

More notorious under stress - Meltdowns and lashing out (1x07, 2x10) - Gets overwhelmed when plans change - Shutdown/anxiety attack after sleeping with Claire

Not playing cooperatively - Individualistic and cutthroat in the kitchen - VERY task focused (when he’s cooking HE IS COOKING) - Territorial over his things (knife) - He has a hard time finding a managerial style that suits him, delegating, and motivating the staff

Detail oriented - Toothbrush cleaning - The bowl thing in S3 trailer - His ~everything~ tbh

Depression, anxiety and APD comorbidity - Having special interests/happy stimming/needs shut down at a young age resulting in a pessimistic mindset (waiting for the other shoe to drop), anxiety attacks and unhealthy attachment styles - His trauma plays a huge role in this too but autistic children are particularly prone to suffering abuse in silence/staying in toxic environments and relationships

Insomnia

Alexithymia - "I Googled fun." - "I guess all the time I feel like I'm kind of trapped because I can't… Describe how I'm feeling. So to ask someone else how they’re feeling, that seems, uh… I don’t know, insane?" - "I hate this feeling" "What feeling, Carm?" "Uh, I'm not sure."

Black and white thinking - Difficulty focusing on more than one thing at a time, a very clear example is the majority of S2 when he's trying to juggle a relationship with Claire with opening the restaurant, while actively compartimentalizing the two of them, ignoring Syd's calls while he's out, then Claire's when he's at the restaurant - At the beginning of S1, he's hanging onto the idea that there's only ONE way to properly run a restaurant - Whatever "advice" he gets from Al Anon meetings is taken to the extreme, causing most of his fuck ups of S1 (more on this) - In the same vein, my boy can't understand a metaphor to save his life

I'm keeping track of the list (more or less) here

[wirewitchviolet]

Observing an Infantalized 4chan Nazi

So recently I fell down a real serious rabbithole with a game that really puts your brain through the ringer. Nobody I know seems to want anything to do with it, so I wandered into some discord trying to find people to compare notes with and get my head around some more headache-y bits. It's not my community, I don't really know the vibe, I'm still feeling it out, but the other day someone new wandered in, and I dunno, I feel like a researcher lucking into an unexpected glimpse at a rare phenomenon in the field, or maybe like a vampire hunter stumbling onto someone who only just got bit and is having stomach pains because he tried to eat garlic bread. One of those.

See, I'm no stranger to watching nazis try to sneak into communities for nefarious purposes. It's always the same song and dance where they try real hard to come off like polite functional human beings, and casually ease into their talking points, and then their masks slip right off because if they could conduct themselves like rational empathetic human beings, they wouldn't have ended up as nazis. This here though isn't one of those. This is someone who seems to just have wandered in here for tips on how this weird game works, who doesn't have the wherewithal to even try to act like a normal person.

He's just attempting to ask questions about game mechanics, and it's spilling out as this weird mix of disgusting Nazi frog pictures, self-flagellation, slurs, and weird baby talk. I'm trying to find something that can be quoted in polite company and I just can't. Here's the closest I can manage, with apologies:

"I dont have enough weaponised autism to play this game LOL"

And when questioned on that phrasing- "I dont have the 4chan/pol weaponised Elon autism. I have the garden variety THE DUMB"

Both of these of course paired up with gross poorly drawn Pepes, one drooling, one... committing an act of self-harm. The vibe I'm getting off the entire server is this mix and disgust and confusion at this gross pathetic mess. There's some polite hinting that this isn't cool to maybe try and catch a mod's attention, and there's some effort being made to parse out the actual questions and answer them. Then there's a bunch of blubbering from the channer shocked at anyone being willing to engage with him.

Meanwhile of course I'm over here on the sidelines, just kinda simmering with rage and knowing better than to open my mouth, over just being in the presence of one of these creeps, all the casual hate speech, nazi symbols, and vile imagery, idol worship of deeply hateful and stupid people, the total lack of self-awareness, and, like the title says, just general disgust at the weird cocktail of learned helplessness and self-loathing simmering in that sort of environment has reduced what I assume is physically a fully capable of adult into.

But, I say through incredibly clenched teeth, I suppose this here really is sort of the ideal scenario for our rare specimen here. He's not SO far gone that he's completely given up on having actual interests and at least trying to make some kind of attempt at healthy interactions with people. Again, usually when I see a nazi in some discord, there is zero question that they are there for absolutely no purpose beyond trying to recruit/attack/spy on people. So theoretically, not completely beyond saving here. And he's getting a taste of how normal people interact, with a nice contrast against the nazi crap, and doing... yeah literally anything with his time but marrinating in hate. He just needs to stop metaphorically dropping his pants and taking a giant dump on the floor every time he enters a room and to talk like an actual damn adult and not some kind of racist giant baby.

So in this one very specific case, hey, glad to see it, here's hoping he slips away from the chan scene and focuses on games or whatever. But before anyone gets any ideas about running around redeeming nazis or anything, keep in mind the following things- I only see this as even potentially on the table here because this is a rare unicorn situation of someone who's clearly been cooking in a nazi stew long enough to lose all ability hold a conversation like a civilized person but not QUITE so long as to stop seeing other people as anything but potential targets or recruits, a window that tends to be so short I've maybe seen it one other time ever. Even under these rare ideal conditions, odds are pretty low this particular channer is going to actually withdraw from that scene in favor of say this random discord, not have some kind of relapse, not pose a clear threat or danger to anyone, and it's not like people who stop being slur-spewing nazis magically turn into decent people. Best case scenario's still going to be a fairly repellent right-wing creep, just you know, one who keeps quiet about it and lives a normal life instead of being some indoctrinated fanatical foot soldier actively antagonizing people.

[i-need-some-advice-on]

Does anyone have advice for dealing with emotions, that's not complete dogshit?

I have autism/ADHD/OCD/anxiety and severe emotional dysregulation issues, and I feel emotions a lot stronger than other people. I have a very low threshhold for any kind of stress, irritation, or annoyance.

Even just dropping a spoon off my plate or hearing my parents dog barking for too long can send me into a meltdown that has me screaming and biting and punching myself.

Another example, I went to a doctor's appointment a few days ago for a general checkup to see how I'm doing. The appointment went well (and I even got some good news about something that was worrying me!) and yet it's been like three days but I'm still so stressed from the appointment that I'm having constant muscle pain in my arms and legs.

But all the advice for raising your tolerance for stress/learning how to deal with emotions sounds like complete shit. Every post is always just, "Emotions aren't bad, they're telling you something important! You can't ignore them, you have to feel them and sit with them :)"

And it's like okay, cool. Sitting with my emotions and ~feeling them uwu~ would mean I spend the entire day on the bathroom floor having a panic attack, vomiting into the toilet and shaking so hard it looks like I'm having a seizure.

Which will probably make my psychosomatic pain even more severe. Which will make my chronic, debilitating stress and anxiety and OCD even worse. Which will make the pain worse. And then I'll end up bedbound and suicidal.

So what the fuck am I supposed to do if my only options are "Ignore every feeling of terror and anxiety, which is causing you pain from being chronically stressed" and "Feel every emotion until you lose control of your anxiety/OCD and hyperfixate on every sensation and send yourself into constant meltdowns and anxiety attacks which will make the pain worse anyways"?

.