#never questioned this or thought much about it tik a few months ago

[whimsyprinx]

i wanna remind y’all that anything i try to envision more of less looks like this, sometimes better sometimes worse (honestly usually worse but ya know ahdjjfkt) always vague and blurry

[lacheri]

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I do not consent or allow this to be posted on Tik Tok, or any other social media

pairing: switch!Eren and switch!fem bodied reader

content: college au, OnlyFans/sex work, masturbation (m), praise kink, oral (f and m receiving), squirting, penetrative sex, drug and alcohol use, classic college party, Eren is down horrendously bad, I believe in long haired Eren supremacy, minors DNI

summary: when jean finally convinces eren to crawl out from under his rock to join society on instagram, he finds there’s a whole lot more than just pictures of food. there’s you.

wc: 15.4k (I know it’s a long one, hope you enjoy tho)

Eren Jaeger had recently found himself in a very, very deep hole. It all started innocently, when one of his best friends Jean had convinced Eren to crawl out of his hole and create an Instagram to join society.

“C’mon Eren,” Jean had teased over a week ago as they studied out on the lawn of their school. “You have no idea what you’re missing out on. No one even uses Facebook anymore, it’s all for moms who want to brag about little Timmy’s genius for figuring out one plus one equals two.”

“What do you even do on Instagram?” Eren’s brows knitted together in confusion, Jean whipping his phone out to show Eren exactly how to use it.

“You post pictures,” Jean navigated to his profile, tapping and sliding down to show Eren all of Jean’s shameless selfies.

“Of just yourself?” he breathed, not comprehending the appeal at all. Don’t people look at his face enough?

“Well, you can post anything you want, that’s the beauty of it. Plus, when you’re not doing that, you get to see and like other people’s pictures.”

“But it says here you follow, 1,536 accounts? And you have 5,000 following you back?” Eren asked incredulously, surprised about how popular his friend’s online persona was. “How do you even know that many people?”

“You don’t,” Jean shrugged, making a few taps to his home page as posts began to load up. “Celebrities have Instagram, our friends have Instagram, fuck, every attractive person on the entire planet has one.”

“How do you even find these people?” Eren’s questioning never seemed to end, the concept out of his comprehension. Facebook was one thing, he personally knew every single one of his friends and family there, and honestly he really enjoyed people just talking about their day to day ordeals.

That’s when Jean forced Eren to hand his phone over and download the app. Jean snapped a quick picture of Eren, to which Eren had no reaction time to. Before he could protest, Jean had already uploaded the candid with some random song lyrics as the caption. To be honest with himself, Eren had to admit that Jean had taken a very flattering picture. He had his knee brought to his chest while his arm dangled over, back slumped and relaxed while he sat on the blanket they had set down before lounging there, hair in his signature sloppy man bun. It was mid day, so all the shadows casted behind his body as the sun’s rays illuminated every high point and contrast of his stoic face.

After a few follow backs from his friends, Armin and Mikasa, he had accumulated a few dozen likes, and Eren couldn’t help the feelings of instant gratifications wash over him, “Okay? So, now what?”

“Now,” Jean began to instruct him, putting the phone back in Eren’s hands after showing him the basics of social media. “Go to my page, and start following whoever you want from my following list. There’s some really hot girls.”

And when Eren laid in his dorm bed that night by himself, he did just that. He really didn’t want to give Jean the satisfaction of showing him who he followed, or why he decided to. His finger scrolled and scrolled through the following list on Jean’s Instagram, hitting the follow button on a few bands he really enjoyed. But then, his hand stopped at one username in particular. The avatar showed a pretty girl, smiling brightly into the camera, sun’s golden rays blooming behind her hair.

Eren tapped on the username, and the first thing he took note of was the bio. ‘Connoisseur of mimosas and rock and roll’, he had to smirk at that, what a simple sentence to sum yourself up with. His eyes flickered to the link in her bio, titled, OnlyFans. He titled his head, Jean hadn’t mentioned what OnlyFans was? Did everyone have an OnlyFans too, like Instagram? He tapped on the highlighted link to be met with a page of prices. What the fuck was so exclusive about it that he had to pay ten dollars for a single picture? As he scrolled down a bit more, he noticed the pricing rising to the final payment cost.

“200 dollars for a personal Snapchat and to talk to me every day?” he read aloud, mouth open in disgust. “What the fuck is this?”

He hit the done option in the upper left corner, returning to the Instagram page in question. He tapped on the first photo, the girl’s back facing the camera, completely bare as her hair trickled down the center. She was sitting in a pretty pink bath, floating flowers all around, staring out a window, captioned, ‘wishing you were here’. His gaze lingered on the dips of her waist, before scrolling down to see the girl in some more clothing. This one was a much prettier picture, glasses set on the brim of her nose while she sat comfortably at a wooden table in a library. She stared directly into the camera, a pretty smile on her face while her hands sat perched under her chin. Some books were open on the table, and Eren took note of the quilted skirt peeking out from the under the bottom, her knees tightly crossed. ‘finals week is going to be the death of me, thank the universe for coffee’.

Eren back tracked out of the photo after double tapping, trying to drink in a comprehensive idea of what exactly people were paying so much money to see. He scrolled, and landed on his answer. The girl sat on a stool, phone angled in the mirror to take in her frame, wearing nothing but black lingerie and heels with a smirk on her face, the caption simply, ‘follow me on OnlyFans, link in bio’.

‘Hey Jean, what’s OnlyFans?’ Eren typed a quick text to his now mentor, patiently waiting as three bubbles appeared from his friend’s end.

‘Lol I see what you’re using Instagram for now, Jaeger’, was Jean’s only reply, and Eren could feel himself getting frustrated. Before he could type back an angry text, those bubbles popped up once again. ‘It’s basically porn, you pay for people’s pictures and videos’.

‘Why would someone want to do that? It’s free almost everywhere else’.

‘Because, young grasshopper, girls are hot and I’m trynna see some titties’.

Eren rolled his eyes at his friend’s stupidity. Deducing that Jean was obviously one of these paying customers, Eren felt a little more secure in himself as he tapped the follow button on the girl’s page. What he wasn’t expecting though was a notification informing him she had followed back, followed quickly by another one liking his only post. Eren couldn’t hold back a blush, heart thumping in his chest. Did this girl think he was good looking?

The thought didn’t sit for long as yet another notification popped up, this time a comment. The girl had simply put a heart eyed emoji, followed by a fire emoji. Eren retreated in haste back to her profile, analyzing every picture and caption.

That had been a month ago, and now Eren had a full blown addiction to the website, more specifically her Instagram. Eren was even paying for her OnlyFans now, making excuses that the money he spent would be used for coffees and lunches anyhow, and he really had to nip his caffeine addiction in the butt so he might as well spend his cash on her.

She had just posted a photoset, one of many on her page, completely naked aside from a gold necklace adorned on her neck, a simple initial of ‘E’ rested prettily on her collarbone. It was like she knew Eren was devouring her social medias on a daily basis. It was all for him, Eren had concluded. There was no coincidence that she had followed and liked his own page, it was all fate and meant to be. Eren had figured out how to DM someone, thanks to Jean showing him how to during one of their classes, and he had taken full advantage of the girl’s inbox. Unfortunately with no reply or read receipt to even prove she had received his messages, introducing himself and showering the girl with compliments. Oh, Eren was down bad. He even brought himself to pay out the $50 tier on her OnlyFans for the month, tired of entering his card information for every daily post.

His dick twitched hard as he drank in her form, curvaceous and beautiful and feminine. It wasn’t even like he just wanted to fuck her either, if he needed relief like that he’d just hit up one of the handful of girls he had saved in his contacts. Eren Jaeger wanted to take this girl out on a fucking date. They had so much in common, they were practically soulmates. She liked and followed all the same bands Eren did, posted on her stories all about her favorite foods and her zodiac sign. While he didn’t really believe in that shit, his Google search history of checking if Aries was compatible spoke to something completely different.

And then Eren began noticing something. How the library she frequently posted pictures in was the same library on campus. All the restaurants she went to were in an hour radius of him, half of them being his usual hangout spots. She lived locally, which thoroughly surprised him. Had he seen her around before? No, definitely not, he would’ve definitely remembered her pretty face. None of the girls that he knew looked like her, and if Eren didn’t know what a woman’s body felt like, he would’ve sworn her body was made of plastic.

Eren was practically an expert at Instagram now, and had plenty of opportunities to follow other beautiful women, but he chose not to. He felt guilty one night as he maneuvered through another pretty girl’s pictures, quickly retreating back to the comfort of his favorite girl’s instead. This was one of the reasons Eren had fought getting online for so long, whenever he found something he liked, he got obsessive.

His attention was drawn back to her naked photos, and he slipped his hand under the fabric of his sweatpants as he began to fuck his fist to her pretty image. All for him, he panted as he imagined what she would look like in front of him, beautiful and begging for his touch.

“Thank you so much,” you smiled graciously at the Starbucks employee in front of you, taking your large iced coffee from his hands.

“No problem, have a great day!”

You tossed your hair behind your shoulder as you turned around, the smile still vibrant on your face. Today was a good day, you decided almost as soon as you woke up. After studying for finals for nearly two weeks straight, you finally had a day off to enjoy yourself. Your best friend, Sasha, had convinced you to go on a small shopping day with her. You eagerly agreed that morning, toothbrush forgotten in between your teeth as your fingers rapidly tapped away to schedule a time. You were running out of sexy outfits for your OnlyFans content, and frankly, you really need some new summer clothes. Spring was drawing to a close, and you couldn’t just wear hoodies and leggings all year round, no matter how much you wanted to.

The mall was about two blocks away from the Starbucks, and as you chugged down your coffee, you slid your phone out of your back pocket of your jeans to see multiple notifications from Instagram. Just more people liking your posts, and some DMs, but you just rolled your eyes. You got tired of explaining on your stories that they were broken, and Instagram had no intent on trying to adjust it so you’d be able to view your messages and reply. You sighed, slipping it back into your pocket as you made your way through the entrance of the shopping mall.

Sasha was seated at a table in the cafeteria near the entrance you had just walked through. She jumped out of her seat, a wide smile on her lips as she strutted up to your form.

“You ate without me?” you pouted, smelling the leftover scent of pizza wash over you.

“Yeah, but don’t worry, I’m still hungry,” Sasha waved her hand. This girl had the fastest metabolism of a person you had ever met, so her statement didn’t really phase you.

“Okay, so, before I spend all my money and forget, we have to go to the lingerie shop,” you stated, stomping your way to the escalators.

“I’m guessing your OnlyFans is doing good?” she asked, knowing just how expensive this certain store was as she lingered behind you.

“Dude, you literally wouldn’t believe it,” you sighed dreamily. “If I had known how much money I’d be making, I would’ve done it way sooner. You should seriously consider making your own.”

“Nah, I’ll just let you have the spotlight on this one,” she snickered as the both of you stepped on the moving staircase. “Are they all creepy old men?”

“No, surprisingly, there’s a few people I have classes with that follow me,” you gossiped. “You know Jean from economics?”

Sasha nodded, eyes widening, “No fucking way, he’s my friend! I’m not that surprised though, he’s always talking to girls and asking for their Instagrams.”

“He’s never even talked to me, right? But he buys every single post I put out! Which is crazy, considering it’d just be cheaper for him to buy the subscription,” you shrugged, stepping off the escalator and walking shortly afterwards into the lingerie store. “That’s what most my viewers do, anyways.”

“Seen anyone else interesting?” Sasha hummed, eyeing the various garments surrounding her in intrigue.

Your eyes honed in on a strappy bright red one piece, “Just a few of his friends, I think. One of them is pretty cute, actually, but he’s only got one picture up.”

“You talking about Eren?”

You nodded, eyes lighting up, “Yeah, do you know him? I’ve never seen him around campus before.”

Sasha was beginning to plot, “Yeah he usually hangs out with Armin and Mikasa, but he goes to a lot of house parties. You know, actually, I think Jean is throwing one soon. He rented a cabin for after finals, you should come!”

“Won’t that be weird?” you scrunched your face, picking up the red one piece and moving onto the next garment that caught your eye. “Like I said, I’ve never even talked to him.”

“Yeah but you know Mikasa and me,” she raised her thumb towards herself. “Eren will be there too.”

“All I said was that I thought he was cute, Sasha,” you laughed her off. “But I’ll think about it. Text me the details and I’ll let you know if I’m free.”

“Something tells me Jean would be very happy to see you there,” Sasha chuckled, you giggling in response to her suggestive comment. The two of you picked through the selection of skimpy clothing, taking it up the cashier to check out.

You walked out of the store together, giggling over small banter. Your trip to the mall was quick after that, and in the end you held a grip full of medium sized paper bags, walking outside the mall with Sasha.

“Oh, hey!” Sasha suddenly quipped, placing her bags on the sidewalk, pulling her phone out of her crossbody bag. “We should take a picture!”

“Sasha I’m not even wearing lipstick,” you half heartedly complained, getting ready to pose next to your best friend.

“Literally, you’re so fucking hot,” she deadpanned, turning her head to look you directly in the eyes. “Shut up and get in, bitch.”

You threw your head back in laughter, leaning in on the left side of her frame, pushing your hair framing your face behind your ear. You smiled widely while Sasha did the same, hearing a soft click of her phone, indicating the photo was taken. Your phone vibrated in your pocket, bringing it out to see a notification stating she had posted it to her story. You’d repost it to your story later after you grabbed food, you decided, the conversation turning to the topic of where the two of you would eat before heading back to your apartment to get drunk in celebration of your semesters ending.

Eren and his two friends sat crowded in Jean’s dorm room bathroom, passing around a blunt. He could hear Connie coughing harshly as it was passed to Eren, the boy taking a deep drag of the backwoods cigarillo. Exhaling slowly, Eren brought his phone out of his hoodie pocket to open it up to change the song playing, his phone instantly opening to Instagram.

Distracted now by his favorite obsession, he glanced at the stories section, her name front in the line, glowing in that now familiar pink and purple circle. Eren couldn’t have tapped faster, and when he did, his mouth hung open.

“Yo,” Eren spoke loudly, shoving his phone in Jean and Connie’s faces. “Sasha knows this girl?”

“Yeah, they’re like best friends,” Connie quirked an eyebrow. “You don’t know her?”

“No, I just saw we had mutual friends,” Eren’s eyebrows knitted together. “How come we’ve never hung out with her before?”

“I don’t know actually,” Jean said, exhaling the blunt after it was passed to him from Eren’s fingertips. “I had a class with her this semester, she seems nice.”

“You’re only saying that because she’s hot,” Connie chuckled. “I bet you’ve never even talked to the girl.”

Jean’s face ignited in a fierce blush as he found interest in the ceiling tiles, “Shut up. It’s harder to talk to girls than it looks. You should know that, Connie.”

“Hey! I talk to girls!” Connie leaned up from his seated position on the floor.

“Idiots,” Eren sighed, rolling his eyes. “Neither of you have any game.”

“Not all of us are as gifted as you are, Eren,” Connie protested, a smirk spreading across his lips. “You could talk to a fucking mouse and it’d figure out someway to talk back.”

Eren rolled his eyes again, harder this time, “You just talk to girls like they’re human beings, it’s not that fucking hard.”

“Oh yeah? Betcha’ won’t be saying that whenever you see that girl around,” Jean teased, finally passing the blunt to Connie in the rotation, Connie muttering something about hogging it.

Eren shifted uncomfortably on the closed toilet seat, “Whatever, Jean.”

“Speak of the fucking devil!” Jean shouted, scaring the very high pair of boys at the suddenness. “Sasha just texted me asking if she can bring her this weekend to the cabin!”

Eren’s heart erupted into a flutter of uneven beats, his face heating up. This girl he had been drooling over was going to be at a party, with him? He suddenly felt like a teenager, the idea of seeing his precious addiction face to face giving him full blown anxiety.

Soft thuds of the bass of the stereo filled the room, catchy pop music drawing Eren out of his stupor to gaze hastily around the room, searching.

“What’s up with you tonight?” Armin had asked him, drawing his attention away once again. “It’s been an hour since the party started and you’ve barely drunk anything.”

Taking note of the full red solo cup in his hand, flickering his gaze between the liquid and his best friend, Eren shrugged and tipped the rim back in his lips, opening his throat and taking large gulps until the cup was empty. “Happy?”

Armin laughed loudly, although only having two strong drinks, his best friend was beginning to feel the numbness of intoxication, “You’re really out of it tonight, everything alright?”

“Yeah I’m fine, just waiting for the smoke sesh so I’m not cross faded,” Eren smirked, lying easily. “Last time I got too drunk and decided to rip Jean’s bong, I woke up in some random front yard with one shoe on.”

Armin shook his head in disbelief, “You really need to start making better life choices, Eren.”

Eren shook the empty solo cup in front of his friend, “I’m trying here.”

Truthfully, the reason Eren wasn’t halfway to getting shit faced was because he didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of the girl of his dreams. She still hadn’t shown up yet, and Eren was getting anxious that she wasn’t going to show. Sasha and Mikasa hadn’t shown up yet either, which gave him a resemblance of hope that the three of you were together, and on your way currently to the party. His heart thudded heavily in his ribcage as he heard the jingle of the front door turn, and his attention was fully concentrated on the door frame ahead of him. His jaw dropped at the sight, his breath caught in his throat.

You asked Sasha earlier that day what you should wear to the party, and Sasha had just waved and told you whatever you felt looked the best. Not exactly helpful, you had just decided on black ripped jeans and a low cut shirt, paired with your favorite leather jacket and trusty Vans. You felt incredibly undressed as Sasha drove to Mikasa’s house, watching her modelesque frame saunter out her front door towards the back car doors.

“Mikasa, you could make a paper bag look hot,” you showered her with appreciation, her face blushing in response as she tugged her long sleeved body con dress towards her knees. “Fuck, should I have worn a dress? How nice is everyone else dressed?”

Sasha couldn’t have given two fucks about how she dressed in front of her friends, adorned in blue skinny jeans and a causal crop top, although her face was beat to the Gods, “Shut the fuck up, you’re one to talk about making paper bags look good. Besides, knowing the boys they probably made minimal effort, probably all wearing sweatpants.”

The three of you snickered at this, and Sasha pushed the car into drive and set out on your 45 minute journey into the mountains. Nerves hadn’t set in until you were face to face with the cabin door, nervous that the girls’ friends weren’t going to like you. Putting a brave face on, Mikasa grasped the door knob and pushed it open, the three of you gliding in.

Eren honestly had wanted to drop down to his knees and kiss the ground you walked on. You were the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. Your eyes were searching, for what neither of you knew, until your eyes had finally landed on him. You smiled politely, moving your hand up in a quick wave to both him and Armin.

Eren couldn’t fathom moving any single part of his body, so awestruck by you. Jean shook Eren out of his dumbstricken state with a hard pat to his shoulder, “Why don’t you go introduce yourself, Eren?”

“Fuck off, horse face,” Eren spat, trying to will himself to either make strides towards you or to break his gaze, neither working. “Why don’t you?”

“I’d love to,” he smiled wickedly, inspired by liquid courage to lock arms with Eren and force him closer to the trio of girls that had finally made their appearance. Armin followed behind, Connie emerging out of the bathroom to give his hello’s to his best friend Sasha and company.

Eren could hear his heart beat in his ears as he stopped right in front of you, forcing his mouth closed in a tight lipped grimace. He felt like a fucking teenager with a crush.

“Hi,” you introduced yourself, smiling widely. “It’s so nice to finally meet you guys!”

“Nice to meet you too!” Armin spoke up, oblivious to his friends’ reaction to the fresh pretty face of yours.

Jean and Connie wouldn’t admit it, but they were feeling their own nervousness. Jean’s out of guilt as he scanned your body top to bottom, Connie’s natural shyness kicking in due to the newcomer. Both were able to overcome it though, and offer up their own introductions. Your eyes landed on Eren once again, tilting your head, waiting for his intro.

“I’m Eren,” he swallowed. “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” you looked down, smiling softly. You raised your hand then, looking up at the boys in front of you, revealing a handle of vodka. “I brought a gift with me too!”

“My kinda girl!” Jean spoke just a bit too enthusiastically. “Shots, shots, shots!”

Connie pumped his fist, chiming in, the rest of the party joining as well as the crowd made their way into the kitchen. Eren purposely hung back, trying to keep as close to you as possible.

“You happen to bring any chasers with you?” he had leaned in, tickling the side of your head with his breath.

“No, I totally forgot,” you sheepishly admitted.

“Looks like we’re all gonna get plastered then,” he chuckled smoothly, sending goosebumps down your body.

“Is it really a party then if at least one person doesn’t have their head in a toilet?” you had easily quipped back, feeling more comfortable now that the introductions were out of the way.

Eren hummed in half hearted agreement, feeling slightly more relaxed himself. Besides, his attention was being grasped by the plastic shot glass being shoved in his hand, as well as your dainty one. The group held up the shot glasses, a few phone cameras capturing the moment to post on their stories, and you all swung your heads back to allow the bitter liquid to trickle down your throats. Eren made a mild face, taking a stolen glance at your own to see your grimace, sticking your tongue out in disbelief at the taste.

Another hour had passed by, and Eren was running out of reasons to follow you around the cabin as you shifted between conversations to get to know the group of friends better. You hadn’t really noticed him trailing behind you, nor did you really care because you were very quickly warming up to Eren. It also didn’t hurt that he looked exceptionally better in person. His hair was lazily swung into a half top bun, wearing a couple of gold chains with his white tee tightly hugging his torso, tucked seamlessly into black ripped jeans displaying his muscular knee caps. Eren was definitely a looker, you shifted your gaze up to his face as he made some witty comment to Sasha, his eyes flickering to your face to catch your reaction.

“Oh my god, there was this one time,” Sasha spoke your name. “She had gotten so high during last year’s spring break, and the two of us and Mikasa came up with the brilliant idea of becoming one with nature. So, naturally, we ran to Walmart and bought this tent on clearance. Turns out it was made for kids, so none of us actually fit inside when we got back to Mikasa’s house. Mikasa and I curled up in a ball, surrounded by snacks, and this smart girl over here decided it was the best choice to just lay out on the lawn and pass out.”

“I wanted to watch the sun rise!” you laughed, trying to quickly explain yourself to Eren’s amused smirk. “And the grass was just so nice that night!”

“The grass was basically straw,” Sasha countered teasingly. “Twenty degrees outside, absolutely freezing. She was MIA for like a week afterwards with a cold.”

You shrugged carelessly, “Worth it.”

Now the two of you had sleeping on lawns in common? Eren scoffed inwardly. Yup, it was official, you were his soulmate. Still though, the topic of why you were so casual in person while your naked pictures existed online tickled his thoughts. He was hoping that somehow it’d get brought up naturally in conversation, saving himself the embarrassment if you were to get offended by his questioning. So far it seemed you liked him, not having said a word about him trailing after you like a lost puppy. Jean had been sending him knowing looks all night, Connie shooting two thumbs up at Eren while Armin looked on in confusion.

Mikasa had strolled out of the bathroom finally, joining the trio who stood casually in the living room, simply stating, “I’m starving. You guys think they deliver pizza out here?”

Sasha’s eyes widened in excitement, “I don’t care if it takes an hour to get here. We’re ordering right now.”

Already ahead of the two, your phone was pulled out in your hands to open up the Dominoes app, punching in the location of the party and placing the order online. Eren watched this all, peering over your hands to see the total.

“Guys, we should chip in,” Eren called out, grabbing the boys’ attention. “We’re ordering pizza.”

“No, no!” you protested, confirming the order. “It’s really fine, my treat.”

“But that’s really expensive,” he frowned, the group all joined together in the living room.

“Don’t worry, she’s got that OnlyFans money,” Sasha waved off Eren’s concern.

“OnlyFans?” Armin questioned, darting his eyes in between Sasha and you. “What’s that?”

Jean hid his blushing cheeks and your eyes flickered to him, then back to Armin, “I sell naked pictures online.”

“So what, a bunch of old guys give you money?” Armin had asked innocently, not judgemental in the slightest.

You giggled, relieved he wasn’t asking in a demeaning manner, “Actually, you’d be really surprised about who you know follows me. There’s a lot of people from school.”

Eren’s blood ran cold as he felt a sudden onset of embarrassment. Did that mean you had known this entire time Eren was one of these followers? If you did, you didn’t let on to it, smiling shyly as the questions ended. Eren hadn’t been done with the conversation, but pride from exposing himself in front of his friends kept his mouth shut.

It was around one in the morning when the party was at its peak. Sasha was being held up by her legs by Connie as she did a keg stand, you and the group cheering the girl on in your own drunken hazes. She tapped the large can, indicating she was finished, Connie settling her down on solid ground as she belched loudly.

“That was fucking awesome, Sasha!” you giggled, throwing your arms up and around her. You were definitely feeling the shots you had been feeding yourself all night, holding your red solo cup high above the girl so it wouldn’t slosh on her.

“You should totally try it!” she encouraged devilishly.

You pouted then, taking a moment to consider, “I’ve never done a keg stand before, what if I can’t do it?”

“I’ll help you!” Eren all but pounced on the opportunity, your smile turning into a tipsy giggle. “It’s not that hard, you just keep chugging until you can’t anymore. I’ll hold you, you got this.”

You lightly blushed, nodding your head at the encouragement, bringing a fist to your chest as a salute, “I’ll do it! We gotta’ put on a cool song though, if I’m going to fail miserably I might as well have a good song to do it to.”

Mikasa volunteered, as she was already DJ, having the best music taste out of everyone in the group. She dug her phone out of her pocket, switching over to a ‘Pursuit of Happiness’ remix. Connie whooped at the choice, and everyone began to chant your name as you hovered by the keg, very nervous. Eren then placed his large hand on the small of your back, leaning in to reassure you once again. You gulped, nodding that you were ready to get into position.

“Okay, so you’re going to lean your arms on the top of the can, and I’ll grab your legs. Like when you were a kid and you’d do that stupid wheelbarrel thing,” Eren easily explained, chuckling lightly. “Use your hands to let me know when you’re done.”

You did as you were told, resting your upper body against the keg as Eren hooked his arms around your calves. He couldn’t help but admire how strong your legs felt in his grasp, and how right it felt to finally have some bodily contact. He had been trying to figure out a natural way all night, and he was bubbling over in excitement, the chance had arisen, glorious in the promise of touch.

You placed your lips hesitantly around the tap, opening it up into your mouth, and began to chug. ‘Chug, chug, chug!’ was chanted all around you, even Mikasa joining in on the fun. Fists bumped in the air, and you felt like the coolest fucking person in the world. Doing a keg stand wasn’t exactly in your goals list, but fuck did it feel like it should’ve been as your ego inflated.

“That’s it, you’re doing great!” Eren’s thumbs brushed the inside of your knees, leaning in to whisper. “Good girl.”

You sputtered around the tap, choking harshly. You removed your mouth quickly to gasp for air, and the tap shot up all over your shirt, jacket long forgotten resting on the sofa in the living room. Eren moved your legs down to the floor quickly seeing this, and wrapped his arm around your waist to steady you as your arm shot out to grab onto something, in this case his other arm.

“You alright?” Jean asked, a look of concern washing over his features as you finally got some air into your lungs.

“Yeah,” you coughed again, blushing in embarrassment. “I definitely made a mess though.”

“I brought some extra clothes with me,” Eren offered quickly. “One of these idiots always manages to somehow spill something within the first hour of drinking. I’ll show you where my bag is at.”

You smiled in appreciation, biting your tongue to accuse him of purposely throwing you off your game with his little praise that had your knees buckling. He unwound his arm, taking your hand and leading you to the staircase by the entryway, your smaller form following behind him as he thudded up the stairs. Three doors greeted you at the top, and he led you into the master bedroom, plainly decorated and lacking personal belongings. You watched as he chucked a duffle bag onto the mattress, unzipping it and going through his clothes. He found a sweatshirt, smirking inwardly as it had been one of his old sports ones with his last name embroidered on the back. Proud he could provide a claim to you, he extended it to you, and you gladly accepted it.

“Well, you did really well in the beginning there,” he chuckled, whisking his stray baby hairs behind his ear. “Sucks about the shirt though. The first time I tried to do a keg stand, I barfed everywhere.”

You laughed lightly, fingering the hem of your shirt, “I guess it could’ve been a lot worse. Still, at least I can check this off my bucket list.”

Eren’s eyebrows shot into his hairline as you lifted your shirt to reveal your bare stomach, and he whisked his body completely around so you didn’t see his reddened cheeks, “You could’ve asked me to leave.”

Behind him, you let a mischievous smirk cross your lips, “Nothing you haven’t seen before.”

Eren’s mouth fell open at your bold statement, letting his words leave before he could stop them, “You know?”

“Of course,” you discarded the sodden shirt to the floor, sitting on the bed instead of tossing the sweatshirt on. “You’re my favorite viewer.”

He caught your movement in the corner of his eye, and he turned his head to take in the sight. Fuck, you were even more beautiful in person. Your bra was white and pretty and dainty, pushing your tits together, accentuating cleavage that Eren wanted to bury his face in. His gaze moved up to your face, smiling so innocently at him as he let out a dark chuckle, “Is that so?”

You hummed, leaning back to expose your form a bit more, feeling confident from the alcohol, “You like every one of my pictures, you buy all my content, you’re pretty cute, of course you’re my favorite.”

Eren’s ego soared as he turned his body completely towards you, taking a small step forward, “You’re just so beautiful, how could I not? I do have to ask this though, how come you never answered any of my messages?”

“Oh, my DMs are broken. Instagram doesn’t let me view them or respond,” you explained easily. “You know, you could’ve hit me up on OnlyFans, I definitely would have answered you.”

A blush crept up on Eren again as he averted his gaze to the floor, “I didn’t think about that.”

You giggled softly, “What’d you send me anyways?”

“I asked you out on a date,” he admitted, growing more nervous. “Told you that you were really pretty. Y’know, stuff you probably get all the time.”

“Most of my messages are from guys trying to take me out drinking and to get a quick fuck,” you scoffed. “Y’know, if the offer is still on the table, I’d really like to take you up on it.”

“Really?” Eren’s eyes met yours in surprise, you watched his Adam’s apple bob along his throat as he gulped. “You’d want to go out with me?”

“Yeah, who else is going to hold me up when I try to do a keg stand again?” you smiled sheepishly, batting your eyelashes. Eren’s hands twitched at his sides, fuck, you were so pretty.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked seriously, his gaze hardening as he felt a wave of possessiveness. In his mind, you were already his girlfriend. You had accepted his date, and he’d be damned if he didn’t try to push his luck further.

Eren had never felt the way he feels right now. He took immediate notice of your blushing cheeks, your confident lean turn into a shy arch as you pushed your body into a hunched over seating position. Eren had experience with girls, that everyone knew as a fact, he was very far from being a virgin. You made him feel like a fucking virgin, heart beating wildly in his chest. All he wanted to do was to grab you and hide you away for his own greedy pleasure, the darkest parts of his mind tickled by the thought. He had laid a claim to you way before he had ever met you, and he wouldn’t let you escape now that he had you here, alone.

You didn’t answer his request, you pushed yourself off the mattress and met his staggering stance halfway. Unknown to his wicked thoughts, his past month of obsessing of you, you leaned up, gently brushing your lips against his. No one had ever asked you this simple question before, instead just taking the action as if they had owned you, and you thought to yourself that you could really love this boy who presented himself so innocently to you.

The soft placement of your lips to his was not enough, and Eren buried his mouth with your own, moving both of his hands to cup your face. He could feel your jaw beneath the pads of his fingertips as you attempted to meet his pace, sensual and passionate. The need for air forgotten for the both of you, sucking in deeply through your noses as the space continued to close between your bodies.

“Gonna take you someplace real nice,” muttered Eren as he pulled away slightly to gaze his half lidded eyes on your fluttering eyelashes, your gaze now hidden from him. “I know you like that one place in the city, I saw your little post of you wearing that tight dress. You looked so fucking pretty.”

Tingles shivered up your bones, a sharp intake of breath as you fluttered your eyes open to take in his deep lustful expression, “I’ll wear it for you, if you want.”

“Wear my necklace too.”

You pulled away completely this time, baffled, “Your necklace?”

“The one with the ‘E’ on it,” he breathed, moving forward to accommodate the sudden distance, his lips meeting the corner of your mouth. You realized then what he was referring to, a small smirk uplifting his kiss. You wouldn’t tell him though that the necklace in question was just some random trinket with no meaning you had purchased, or that you hadn’t even recognized the pretty cursive as a letter. You figured out very quickly Eren’s little crush was a bit more involved than just him attached to your hip at this party. No, it was way deeper than that. All of the likes, the money, the new information of messages made sense to you. Eren had believed you were his, and he had sought out confirmation all night to prove it.

“Okay,” you played along to his fantasy, an expert since it was your job online already to provide this to your viewers. “What else do you want me to wear?”

“There’s this one set of lingerie,” Eren was the one to pull back now, letting his teal eyes trail downwards to your chest, displeased by the lack of skin shown to him in that instance. “The black lacy one, fuck, wear that. You look so fucking sexy in that.”

“You don’t like when I wear white?” you pouted, bringing your hands to rest against the peak of your breasts, framing them like a picture.

“I like anything you wear,” a smirk crossed his features, eyes locked in on your tits. “Or what you don’t wear.”

You were met with two choices then. One, kiss Eren and get dressed and save yourself for your date, or two, fulfill his now present fantasy of his that was beginning to morph into your own. You mentally battled the decision in your mind, feeling the desire curl in your stomach at each option. If you were to give in now, Eren might not want to continue to chase after you, the promise of an actual date forgotten. Not to mention the party of people down stairs, the thud of music softened behind the closed door of the bedroom indicating it was still in full swing. Eren saw your hesitation, and let his hands travel to your elbows comfortingly.

“I know we technically just met,” he started, eyes now locked in on yours in genuine honesty. “But I really like you. You’re all I’ve thought about for the past month, so if you don’t feel comfortable going any further, that’s okay, I’ll wait. I’ve waited this long.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” you bit your lip as you watched his teal orbs flicker to your mouth. “It’s just — oh God, this is embarrassing to talk about so soon.”

“Shh, it’s okay, I won’t judge,” he cooed, bringing just a hand up to soothe over your cheek.

“I’m not exactly quiet,” you admitted, gesturing towards the floor. “I don’t really want to be the girl who fucks someone at the first party they show up to.”

Eren hadn’t predicted you to be loud in his fantasies, but he was really wishing he had. He held back a groan at your confession, images of what could be filling his dirty mind, “Fuck, okay, no problem. I don’t have any condoms with me anyways.”

“Actually,” you drawled. “I’m on the pill, so as far as that goes, that doesn’t really matter. I’m clean too, I haven’t been with anyone in a long time.”

Boxes were being ticked quickly off of Eren’s checklist, and he let his jaw hang open, “I’m clean too, I don’t fuck anyone without a condom, to be honest.”

I’m going to fuck her raw, is all that was going through his mind. Treat her so good, take her out wearing her pretty little dress and treat her like a fucking princess.

“Please tell me you’re free tomorrow,” Eren pleaded. “I’ll take us fucking anywhere you want.”

“I am, actually,” you batted your eyelashes.

“Cool,” he muttered, beginning to feel drawn into your lips again. As you began to lean back in, a sharp knock sounded at the door.

“Hey! Everything alright?” you both froze, recognizing the voice as Armin’s. Of course he’d be the only one to dare interrupt, and the party below had discouraged him. Eren had taken you upstairs, and while they were all aware of the possibility of the two of you would be hooking up, Armin was more concerned that one or both of you had gotten sick and were in need of help.

“Yeah, we’re fine! Be out in a second!” Eren shouted, feeling suddenly frazzled from the intense interaction between you two. If Armin had opened the door, seeing the two of you locked in together so closely, making out feverishly, it would be completely mortifying. Especially since it wouldn’t be the first time Armin had accidentally seen his best friend in a suggestive situation.

You pecked his lips quickly then, breaking out of his embrace to throw his sweatshirt over your head. Eren was counting backwards in his head to rid himself of the half erection in his pants, nearly impossible as he thought about how pretty you looked in his clothing.

“C’mon,” you tugged at his hand, urging him to follow you back downstairs. “We have a pizza to eat and friends to convince that we definitely didn’t just fuck for ten minutes.”

The group hadn’t made a single comment when you two rejoined the party, only just knowing smirks from Jean and Connie to Eren. Sasha had wiggled her eyebrows at you, and you quickly pulled her and Mikasa into the bathroom to recap what had just occurred upstairs. The girls clapped drunkenly at your news of a date, incredibly excited that their best friend was finally going out with a boy. The night had ended around three in the morning, bodies scattered throughout the house to pass out wherever they pleased. Eren had continued to stay by you the rest of the night, this time, not shy at all as he stole touches to your back. And when it came time to pass out, you felt smugness as he rested his head on your back while you laid on your side on the same bed upstairs, his arm thrown tightly around your waist. Sasha curled up in front of you, your own head snuggling into her shoulder as the room spun you into a deep slumber.

You sat at a vanity in your apartment bedroom the next evening, applying various makeups to your face. Mikasa had awoken you and Sasha pretty early the next morning, wanting to go home so she could get ready for her job. Eren snored quietly behind you as you tried your best to maneuver out of his grasp, and the three of you cleaned up the cups and plates scattered around the house as a thank you to Jean for the invitation. Sasha had driven you all the way back to your place when you realized you were still wearing Eren’s hoodie, and you smirked. Now he definitely had a reason to get you on this date tonight, you had something that belonged to him.

When Eren had woken up, he truly believed for a few minutes that you had just been a dream. Pictures and videos posted all over Instagram had shown him differently though, the two of you leaning against each other on the leather couch smiling drunkenly on Armin’s story had his heart pounding. His arm was around your shoulders, your head was tilted in the crook of his neck, and then Eren remembered that he was going to see you again tonight. He took a screenshot before the story moved on to a video of the group in a heated discussion about music tastes, a quiet chuckle made its way out of his throat as he recounted memories that would become very fond to him.

He had posted the picture then to his Instagram, a few others followed after that included him and his other friends. Eren tagged all of the people, but most importantly, the picture of the two of you was the first in the line up of the photo set. A few messages hit his inbox after he hit the post button, some classmates asking if you were his girlfriend, because you were wearing his sweatshirt in the photo. He decided to not respond, because as much as he wanted to tell them yes, he knew he’d be jumping the gun. His heart raced as a notification popped up — you had liked the picture, and added a comment, ‘last night was a movie’ with a kiss emoji. When he refreshed the page, your lit up story showed him that you had even reposted his photo set. His ego soared, his affections no longer one sided, and he couldn’t fucking wait to take you out later and show you the best time he could.

Eren had gotten your phone number from Sasha not long before your date, asking for your address and trying to pick out a time to head out to dinner. You tapped a response quickly, and looked at the clock to gauge how much time you’d need to be fully ready. That had been about three hours ago, your body had been scrubbed and shaved, hair curled prettily down your back as you added the final touches of lipstick to your lips. The dress Eren had talked about was laid out on your perfectly made bed, a pretty satin champagne colored fabric, and your apartment was fairly clean, fully expecting his company after the date of all went well. You dressed yourself easily, slipping on black heels when you heard the chime of your phone, letting you know Eren was awaiting you outside.

When the elevator doors chimed open as you walked into your lobby, you saw from the entrance doors Eren leaned back casually against the Uber he had offered to pay for. His attention immediately focused on your form as you exited your building, his gaze flickered all over your body.

“You look incredible,” Eren easily complimented, pushing himself up to stand straight. He leaned in to kiss your blushing cheek as you muttered a quiet ‘thank you’, and he pulled the door handle of the sleek black car, ushering you inside. He slammed it closed after you had positioned yourself comfortably, giving the driver a soft greeting as Eren circled around the back, getting in on the opposite side. The directions were already plugged into the driver’s GPS, and it took less than twenty minutes to get to the restaurant in question.

This gave you enough time to take in Eren’s appearance, and damn if you wouldn’t have allowed yourself to do so, the sight practically mouth watering. His hair hung low in a messy bun, a few complementary strands hanging out to frame his sharp jawline. His torso was adorned in a sheer white long sleeve button up, a small portion of his chest revealed as he had left the top buttons alone, chains hanging against his collarbones, silver in color this time. Black slacks that tightened around his thighs and calves had you biting your lip in appreciation, his legs spread as he took up space in the backseat.

“Staring isn’t very polite,” he had leaned in, taking notice of your devouring gaze.

“Stop dressing like a whore and maybe I won’t stare,” you teased back, chuckling quietly when he swatted your exposed thigh lightly. He kept his hand there for the rest of the drive, enjoying the comfortable silence as the quiet hum of the radio filled in the gaps.

When the Uber had slowed to a stop outside of the fancy restaurant Eren had insisted taking you to, he swung the door open before you had a chance to reach for the handle on your side. He raced to the other side of the car, pulling open the door and extending his hand out for you to grasp onto. You circled your fingers around his palm, and he tightened his grasp as you swung your legs over the flooring, and stood before him. The two of you thanked the driver, and he sped away shortly after. Hand still locked in with yours, Eren led the way inside the opened doors of the restaurant. Inside, a hostess wearing a very classy black uniform greeted the two of you.

“Reservation for Eren,” he spoke smoothly, and your eyes widened in surprise, expecting to have sat and waited for at least a half an hour before you had been seated.

“Right this way,” she smiled politely, two menus in her hands as she welcomed you into the dining area. You followed behind Eren, realizing that this place must’ve been a lot more expensive than you originally had gauged. All the guests appeared in their very best formal attire, and the chatter was soft as the beautiful notes of a piano resounded throughout the space. While you couldn’t pinpoint exactly where the music was coming from, you had a strong feeling that there was a physical player somewhere in the midst, it sounded so clear and professional. When the hostess had sat you down in a booth secluded against the furthest set wall, she smiled politely once more and informed you that the waiter would be with you soon.

“Eren,” you hissed as you sat opposite of his smirking form. “This place is stupid fancy!”

“Don’t worry about it,” he waved easily. “I got it, I promise.”

“How are you able to afford this? I’ve got a little bit of money and even I couldn’t go some place this nice,” you questioned, feeling a small pang of guilt. He was going to go broke trying to treat you to a very nice, albeit expensive, meal.

“My dad is a doctor,” he shrugged, picking up the menu and eyeing over their drink selection. “He sends me money whenever I come around and help around his office.”

“Following in the family footsteps?” you tried at the conversation, realizing you virtually knew nothing about the boy in front of you.

“Nah, I’m more into the business side of things,” he smiled up at you then, showing off his pearly white teeth. “What about you? What are you majoring in?”

You spoke of your major, Eren carefully listening in of your passions and your goals for your future ahead. He was pleased to hear that you were ambitious, smiling as he was enamored by your speech. Not that he minded a single bit about your online job, but to hear that you had a legitimate career goal soothed his worries.

A finely dressed waiter greeted you shortly, introducing himself and taking the both of your orders in one go, and stole away the menus. The rest of the date flew by quickly, tipsy from your cocktails and full of giggles as the two of you got to know one another. Although Eren was already knowledgeable about a number of your likes and dislikes and personality quirks due to Instagram, you had the undisguisable pleasure of learning his right then and there.

“So,” you leaned your elbows onto the table, resting your chin atop of your closed fists. “Tell me, how many girls have you taken here before?”

“Not a single one,” he chuckled lowly, passing the black booklet encasing his credit card as the waiter stopped at the table. “This is actually my first time taking anyone out somewhere so fancy. Usually I just hang out at the more lowkey spots around campus.”

“I would’ve been totally okay with going somewhere like that instead,” you frowned, that same guilt flooding back to your stomach. Eren hadn’t even let you see the bill before he had given it away, so you were completely ignorant as far as how far the total rang up. “You really didn’t have to take me out to such an expensive place.”

He rolled his eyes playfully, smirking as he did so, “Had to take my favorite girl somewhere nice, show you off in that gorgeous dress of yours.”

You blushed, moving your fists to hold your cheeks to try and contain the heat, “Fine, but next time, I want to see one of these ‘lowkey spots’.”

“Next time, huh?” Eren mused cockily.

“Yes, I guess I had a really great time tonight, consider yourself honored,” you giggled half heartedly.

“Oh believe me, I do.”

Eren had walked you to the front door of your apartment like the gentleman he was. Really, he was just trying to procrastinate leaving you, not wanting the night to be over with quite yet. Luckily, you were on the exact same page as he stood awkwardly behind you while you unlocked your front door.

You turned, an eyebrow raised, “Well? Are you coming in or what?”

“Say less,” he sighed in relief, following your sauntering frame inside your apartment. He was initially impressed as you flicked the light switch on the wall up, illuminating your precious space. Very clean and organized, he felt a pang of jealousy, knowing his own dorm room was scattered with clothes and empty water bottles. If he had only seen what your living space looked like before you had straightened up, he might have felt better about himself.

“I have some róse in the fridge,” you offered, making your way to the kitchen. “Would you like a glass?”

“No lie, that’s literally my favorite wine,” Eren groaned. “How are you this perfect?”

You laughed loudly, grabbing two wine glasses from your cabinet, opening your fridge and retrieving the bottle. Filling the glasses generously, you left the bottle on your kitchen counter and turned around, Eren a lot closer than where you had left him a moment ago. You extended his cup, which he graciously took and sipped. You mirrored him, gulping down your own mouthful.

“Y’know,” he started, gazing around your kitchen space. “For all that talk of mimosas in your Instagram bio, I really expected there to be a lot more pictures of you drinking them.”

You chuckled once again, “Believe me, I have plenty of orange juice, vodka, and champagne here. We had such a classy dinner, I thought I’d try and match it with some wine. Besides, vodka brings out the worst in me.”

“Ah, lady in the streets, freak in the sheets,” he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. You rolled your eyes, swatting his bicep harmlessly. “I get what you’re about at brunch with the girls.”

“If I had a nickel for every time Mikasa had to peel me and Sasha off the pavement after mimosas and scones, I’d be fucking rich,” you giggled once again, raising the glass to your lips.

“I’m really surprised we hadn’t met each other before last night, especially because Mikasa and I have been best friends since we were little,” Eren raised an eyebrow. “She’s basically my sister, and never once did she say anything about you, I only met Sasha because Connie’s attached to her hip and they share the same brain cell.”

“If it makes you feel better, I only knew Jean existed because we had a class together this semester,” you shrugged, purposefully leaving out the part where he consumed your content almost as much as Eren did.

“And of course me,” Eren smirked cheekily. “Because I’m your favorite viewer, like you said.”

“Don’t make me regret telling you that,” you pointed your glass towards him in a fake threat.

“It’s okay, you’re my favorite girl, so it evens itself out,” Eren placed his half drunk glass on the counter top, his gaze much more seductive. “Besides, you wore my necklace like I asked, I gotta tease you a little bit.”

“I wore pretty much everything you wanted me to,” you smirked, copying his actions and settling your own cup down.

“Did you now?” he took long strides to stand in front of you, toying with the necklace that he had laid claim over.

“I can show you, if you want to see,” you leaned up with full intentions of capturing his kiss.

“There’s nothing else I would rather do, pretty girl,” Eren cooed, licking his lips before meeting you in the middle. His arms circled around your waist, your hands wrapped around his shoulders as the pace started out slowly. Gentle was not what either of you wanted though, the desperation seeping in fast as his fingers explored your sides.

“Bedroom,” you gasped as he removed his lips and attached them to your jaw. He had no qualms of fucking you right out here in the kitchen, so he made no effort to move. Realizing you had to take the reins, you moved backwards from Eren, smirking as he groaned from the sudden distance. His eyes followed you predatorily as he began to chase after you, your back meeting the wooden paneling of your bedroom door. He attempted to recapture your mouth, but your hand was faster in turning the door knob, and you began to lead him back until your mattress met the backs of your knees.

“Want you to show me what you’re wearing under that dress,” Eren demanded, playing with the short hem that rested on your thighs.

You nodded, giving him the silent okay to take off the fabric encompassing your frame. You turned so your back faced him, moving your hair out of the way so he could unzip the back. His eyes followed as he fingered the silver zipper, agonizingly teasing himself as more and more was revealed to him. Seeing the straps of the black lace he had requested drunkenly the night before, his patience snapped as he pulled the metal piece down faster. You slid the tiny straps off your shoulders at the sweet feeling of release, and Eren’s dick was rock fucking solid as it pooled around your feet, you kicked the silky fabric to the side and faced him once more.

“You’re wearing everything I told you to,” he stated, drinking in the sight of your scantily clad body. “Good girl.”

You bit back an embarrassing moan at his praise, feeling the heat pool between your thighs. It came as such a shock to you to be so reactive to his words, and it came slamming into you that maybe you weren’t as vanilla as you had previously believed. You had a kink! It all made so much sense, why you felt such pride and arousal from complete strangers giving you their attention and compliments online. You yearned for it, craved the affections, and now that Eren stood in front of you, more than willing to shower you with pretty words, all the moisture in your mouth dried up. You wanted him so fucking bad.

Eren’s hands met the naked skin of your waist as his palms etched over your soft stomach. They met in the middle of your back, leaning your back onto the mattress as he climbed on top of you, a single hand coming up to work on discarding his button up. You rushed to help, pads of your fingers working the buttons open until he revealed his bare chest, his chains hanging above you. He worked his arms out quickly, tossing the fabric onto the floor. He brought his lips to yours, this kiss much more desperate and needy than the previous ones. His hands explored every inch of your body, the tops of your thighs to the swell of your breasts. He tugged on the soft lace at the top, slowly bringing the black fabric down to expose the complete fullness of your breasts. A sight familiar yet somehow new made Eren groan, the pads of his thumbs brushing against your pretty nipples, instantly hardening them.

You moaned lightly, throwing your head back and arching your back into his touch. How many times had Eren pictured you just like this?

“I fucked my fist so many fucking times thinking about you,” he confessed as he pressed slow open mouthed kisses to your collarbone. “You have no idea what your pictures did to me, no idea what you’re doing to me right now.”

He leaned his bottom half forward, pressing his thick clothed erection into the meat of your thigh. You let out a whimper, head foggy as his words made your pussy clench around nothing.

“You’re so fucking sexy,” he licked a stripe up your neck, leaving a wet saliva trail as he wrapped his lips around where he could feel your pulse the strongest. “My pretty girl.”

While Eren wanted to talk about what you did to him, all you could think about was what he was doing to you. The want and need that coursed through your veins was like a drug, you could feel him worming his way into your bloodstream, straight to the center of your heart and out to the warmest parts of your body. And you felt like an addict in that moment too, and every moment you would spend with Eren there after. You could feel his kisses as if he was underneath your skin, his entire body pressed against yours. So, so close, yet not close enough.

“Take off your pants,” you demanded shakily, placing your hands at the button of his slacks. He seemed to be on the same page of you yet again, and he followed his instructions without delay. He kicked out of the tight pants with ease, and you were more than pleased to see he had rid himself of his boxers too when you heard the thick slap of his cock meeting his stomach.

“Oh my god,” you breathed, eyes widened. “Eren, that’s not going to fit.”

“Don’t worry,” he soothed your hair back from your face, pressing a sweet kiss to the tip of your nose. “I’ll make sure you’re nice and wet for me.”

He started to move south, licking and giving attention to your right nipple as he did so. While the idea of him giving you thorough attention was erotic, you really wanted to please him for your first time together, unknown to you as Eren had thought the exact same thing, wanting to make you feel so good you’d come crawling back to him for more.

You pushed yourself up into a seating position, Eren’s eyes flickering in confusion as you stood up. This look didn’t last for long as you switched positions, pushing his torso onto the bed as you rested atop of him, feet placed firmly on the ground. His mouth hung open in disbelief as you began to return his assault on his neck, sucking and kissing and even biting along the columns. He let out a shaky groan, unable to hold it back as your hands traveled down his chest to his abdomen, feeling over the muscles there.

“What’re you doing, princess?” Eren questioned teasingly, not trying to get his hopes up on what your plan seemed to be.

“Wanna’ make you feel good,” your eyes flickered up to meet the dark green of his eyes, watching as his pupils expanded as the realization hit him like a brick.

“Fuck, okay,” Eren subconsciously widened his thighs then, bringing himself up to lean on his elbows as your kisses followed shortly behind the trail of your fingers.

Your mouth met the defined muscle of his stomach, and your eyes drifted up to catch Eren’s reaction as you neared closer to his aching cock. His eyes were hardened on you, brows knitted together, he almost looked angry. You kitten licked above his navel, and knew the anger was superficial as he threw his head back, letting out a quiet groan. You leaned your body in closer, pushing your exposed chest against his length. He whipped his head forward again at the contact, his lips opened as he inhaled shaky breaths.

Part of you had kind of wanted to hear Eren beg for your mouth, but the thought had quickly left your head as he entangled his fingers into the back of your scalp, massaging gently as he did so. Without a moment of hesitation, you lowered your face so you were eye to eye with his thick shaft. Honestly, you really hadn’t expected Eren to be this big. You had caught a glimpse of his half erect member tenting in his pants the night before, but as it stood to full attention, you were very much intimidated by the sheer size. You gulped, putting on a brace face as you continued on.

The sound of Eren’s groans growing louder as you licked a bold stripe from the bottom of his base to the tip of his head had stirred your cunt deeply. You were on your knees now, feet tucked up under you when you felt the wet patch of your panties touch the back of your heels. You licked a few more times, your right hand trailing down from his stomach to grip him more upright. You pulled all the saliva in your mouth onto your tongue, and wrapped your lips around his tip while your hand secured a purposeful grip at his base. You started slow, only sucking in your cheeks and moving your tongue along the underside of his head, pumping him at the same pace. You could feel beads of spit meet your knuckles, circling your tongue around the entirety of his fat mushroom tip. You smoothly licked along his slit, collecting his gushing precum and tasting the salty liquid.

Meanwhile as you had just started your worship of his cock, Eren was watching you in disbelief as your eyelashes fluttered along your cheeks, mouth prepping yourself to take in his full length. He had pulled himself into a sitting position now to provide you the best angle he could. He was in complete awe, furrowing eyebrows and his mouth hanging open, he knew in that moment there was absolutely no point of return. He would follow you from here on out, whether it be online or in reality, wherever you would go. Soulmates, he reminded himself while he collected your hair into his fist and away from your mouth. You were his fucking soulmate.

You pressed your knees upward, eyes opening. Eren’s pupils were blown out, his breathing irregular, and you wanted to watch him completely unfold as you angled your head to drop lower onto his shaft, hand working just a little faster.

“Fuck —“ he stuttered, eyes blazing into yours. “That’s it, take all of me, you’re such a good girl.”

You moaned lightly at his praise once again, and Eren’s cock hit the back of your throat. You pulled your lips up slowly, tongue caressing the underside of his member the entire time, and quickly brought your unoccupied hand into a fist. This was the first time you would be trying out this trick, reading it in a magazine since your gag reflex was very strong and this helped soothe the impulse. Eren was not prepared in the slightest as you removed the hand gripping him, letting his dick fall forward a bit more. You took a deep breathe through your nose, spit coating his entire cock now, and pushed your mouth fast back down his shaft.

Eren let out a strangled gasp when your nose brushed against his pelvis, “Holy fucking — fuck. Shit, yeah, just like that. You look so fucking pretty right now.”

Tears were threatening the spill over your lash line and you bobbed your head furiously, taking in as much as you could before you gagged. You stared up at him the entire time, watching his face screw together as you lapped and sucked his cock. Your jaw was aching already from his size, minding your teeth placement as you quickened your pace. You returned your hand to wrap and pump whatever your mouth wasn’t able to reach as you set yourself into a more comfortable pattern. Your other hand cupped his balls, swirling them softly in your palms.

Eren’s fingers yanked you back, his dick falling out of your lips in a soft pop, as you looked up in confusion, “Gonna’ stop you there baby, gonna’ make me cum.”

His hand in your hair guided you back up to his lips, and Eren could taste himself as his tongue pushed through your swollen mouth to enter yours. You moaned into the kiss, so sloppy and messy, you took no notice of Eren’s hands wiping away the leftover dribble on your chin. He yanked you back, a bit rougher this time, and you panted, rubbing your thighs together at the force. He eyed you up, your beautiful tits still on display, the fabric of your lace bra folded underneath them.

“Get naked for me, princess,” he cooed, untangling his fingers from your scalp. You did as you were told, practically ripping the lace set off your body as you soon stood stark naked in front of Eren. He pushed his legs up, joining you. You felt very small then as he towered above you, playing with the tips of your hair, he guided you around until you were forced to lay yourself flat on your back on the mattress once again.

Eren caressed your shins as he stood tall in front of you, never breaking eye contact. You could still see the glistening of your saliva on his cock, and heat continued to pool in between your thighs in anticipation of his next move.

“Look at you,” he whispered, wrapping his fingers on the tops of your bent knees, legs closed together. “So pretty, it almost hurts to look at you.”

His darkened eyes shot down, drinking you all in before settling on your closed legs. With his hands, he gently forced them to part, and he let out a quiet moan at the sight in front of him. Dripping in arousal, almost sparkling and shining like the gem you were, your pussy spread open for him, begging for his attention. His gaze darted up back to your face, trying not to get too carried away as he admired your beautiful body.

Eren let out a dark chuckle, stroking his hands to the meat of your thighs, “You have no idea the things I have planned for us, princess.”

You whimpered, unable to voice a single word. His right hand moved towards your center, and you gasped sharply as he gently grazed your folds with the lightest of touches. His thumb landed a hair above your clit, and you squirmed, desperate now. He circled so slowly on your pearl, gazing on with an inflated ego. Eren wanted you to beg for him, to tell you all about those ideas he had going on in his head while he fucked his fingers into you.

He decided to go easy on you though, you had plenty of time ahead of you to learn exactly what he wanted when it came to the bedroom, he cooed, “I’m gonna’ show you off, just like you deserve. Gonna’ buy you pretty things, treat you like the fucking princess you are — gonna’ be my pretty girl.”

“Please, Eren,” you whimpered, attempting to push your pelvis into his hand, failing miserably as his other one gripped your thigh in place. “I need you.”

“Tell me exactly what you need, baby,” Eren smirked.

“Everything,” you breathed out. “I want you to keep calling me pretty, wan’ you to fuck me.”

“We’ll get to that part soon,” he paused, lowering his head to your inner thigh, getting to his knees on the floor. “Just need to make you feel good first, pretty girl.”

Eren licked a bold stripe up your pussy as you mewled, feeling a shred of relief as the tip of his tongue circled your clit. You felt a bead of saliva, probably mixed in with your own arousal, travel down the seam of your ass. Eren was starving, and you tasted so delicious, a sweet tart flavor exploding across his taste buds. He flattened his tongue, and looked up to watch your gorgeous face as his lips engulfed your clit.

You threw your head back, eyes rolling into the back of your skull as you attached your hands to your breasts, pulling and tugging on your nipples. He positioned his hands to the back of your thighs then, somehow managing to spread you open even more. The sounds he made in between your folds were wet and sloppy, and he rubbed small circles with the pads of his thumbs into the creases where your legs met your ass.

He never broke away from your face, watching everything unfold before him. Now that you were free from his solidifying grip, your hips were rolling. He watched your ribs expand and fall as you moaned unabashedly, rubbing your cunt into his mouth. Eren had never seen a more beautiful sight, and suddenly, it wasn’t enough to satisfy him. His right hand itched closer to your opening, and you trembled at the prodding of his index fingers. His tongue flopped around sloppily, slurping your bud in between his lips as he entered you slowly, cock pulsing at the feeling of your slick velvety walls greeting his finger.

Here he was, on his knees before you, eyes heavy and swirling because of you. You arched your back as he pumped the single digit in you slowly at first. He felt the tight clench of your walls as his tongue flicked at a certain angle, pleased that he had discovered very quickly how he was going to get you to cum. Eren was impatient, and as much as he wanted to stay between the heat of your thighs for hours if you’d let him, he really needed that orgasm from you. The tip of his pointer finger left you briefly, and you whimpered at the sudden loss, quickly becoming breathless and he slammed it right back in alongside his middle finger. They curled inside of you, brushing right against the soft spongy wall that was your g-spot. You were gushing for him, the sloppy noises of his assaults resounding around the bedroom.

“Fuck, fuck,” you panted, feeling your breasts bounce as he fucked his fingers into you at an alarming pace, tongue following the pattern eagerly. “Oh my god, I’m so close, Eren, I’m gonna’ cum.”

He pulled his mouth back momentarily, voice husky and pleading as he told you, “Cum for me, baby.”

You slammed your hips down onto his knuckles, feeling the underside of his palm and your slick. He had been reduced to curling and angling his fingers inside of you, watching in adoration and awe as you bounced yourself on his fingers, rubbing your pretty pussy against his mouth. Eren had just become a bystander at this point, he was pretty much forced to be stilled as you used his mouth and hands so greedily, feeling an unfamiliar swell in your cunt.

And when your back arched, and your walls clenched so fiercely tight around his drenched fingers, Eren found his forever love. He’d do anything, be anyone, whatever the fuck that was asked of him, to see this sight for the rest of his life. You were vibrating, legs shaking so strongly, Eren had to mentally catch up when he felt a gush of hot liquid soak him. He shifted his gaze down in shock, and holy shit, you were squirting.

You swore you had never orgasmed like this before, it was more than stars you were seeing behind your closed eyelids. It was pure black, absolute nothingness as your brain short circuited. It was like your pussy was taking a deep breath, because when the onset of contractions hit you, you thought you were going to pass out. And poor Eren, who stared dumbly in front of him at how intense your muscles were flexing, was already so deeply in love with you and was confessing his eternal devotion to you in his mind.

When your cunt had settled down, and your hips relented in pushing yourself against Eren’s face and hands, you let out a low moan as he slid his drenched fingers out of you. He stared at his hand, shining with your cum, and flickered his gaze up to you.

“I’m going to fucking marry you,” he growled. “That was the hottest thing I’ve ever fucking seen.”

You let out an exhausted laugh, “Would you believe me if I told you that was the first time I’ve ever squirted?”

“I’m buying you a goddamn ring tomorrow,” he placed a kiss to your inner thigh, moving his body up to hover above you. Eren’s hands wrapped around your thighs once again, propping your knees to your chest. He saw the slight trace of fear in your eyes, and he paused, “You okay?”

“It’s just,” you gazed at the point between your bodies. “Are you gonna’ fit?”

Eren leaned forward, feeling slightly relieved, his face still dripping in your essence, and he placed a sweet, romantic kiss to your lips, pulling away to murmur, “I’ll be gentle, I promise.”

You nodded your head, letting the worry roll off your body as one of his hands caressed your cheek, never breaking eye contact with him. The other hand reached in between your centers, grabbing his throbbing cock and sliding himself along your pussy. He was soon coated in your juices, and both of you were letting out quiet moans. As he sunk his tip into your entrance though, you were gasping loudly.

Eren really had wanted to be gentle, he had no intentions whatsoever of hurting you, but he had realized very quickly that you were going to be the one to set the pace in the relationship. Because as soon as half of his shaft was anchored in your heat, your hips slammed upwards to engulf his entire length. He bit back a yelp at the suddenness, fisting the sheets by your waist in a tight grip. If Eren didn’t feel like a virgin before, he sure as fuck did now.

You didn’t realize just how prepped that orgasm had made you, or how sensitive. What you had believed would’ve been pain was insurmountable and mind blowing pleasure, and you smiled in pride as Eren’s jaw fell open. You felt his hands fall from the underside of your thighs, and you took the opportunity, leveraging your legs, and thrusted upwards. Eren bottomed out inside of you, and you winced slightly at the mild pain of his tip meeting the wall of your cervix, the stretch of your walls accommodating him as you fluttered around him.

“You’re so big, Eren,” you moaned out, moving your hands to grasp his flexing biceps. “‘Feels so good.”

Eren was fighting an internal war — go as slow as physically possible as to not bust in your heavenly pussy in three strokes, or give you the best two minutes of your fucking life. Because it was absolutely all way too much, your gorgeous face, your soaked core, the way you gripped his cock so tightly. You were a vixen, Eren’s personal vices wrapped up in one human body. He couldn’t help but take notice of how perfectly your bodies fit together, your pussy made for him.

“Eren, move, please,” you whined, attempting to squirm your hips. He shot a hand down to your hip, stilling you as he gave you a warning glare.

“I’m trying really hard not to cum inside of you right now,” Eren groaned, finally moving his hips. “You’re so fucking tight, baby. Making it real hard for me right now.”

Little was Eren aware of your pussy still on edge from the mind blowing power of your first orgasm, and you mouth lolled open as he slowly fucked you. If you were to touch your clit, or have any type of pressure there right now, it would be over for you as well. You’d have all the time in the future to have long, drawn out sex with Eren, but the two of you were just way too turned on and aroused by each other to have anything but heavy and fast sex. With a slight hesitation on your end, also not wanting to cum so quickly around his length, you rocked your hips into his fastening pace.

Eren chose the latter of his two options then, feeling the ridges of your pussy pulse and flutter around his cock. He pulled all the way back, tip daring to fall out of your little hole, and he flung himself right back in to the hilt. He repeated this a few times, and you were trying your best to hold back screams. Eren was drooling at the sight of your pretty pink pussy taking him, sloppy and messy from his saliva and your cum. He brought his attention to your bouncing breasts, molding one into his palm, rolling the nipple in the center.

Eren’s thrusts quickened dramatically, and he knew that your warning from the previous night had been true. You were screaming, calling out his name and several swears and ‘oh my god’s. This only encouraged him more, ego pretty much stroking his own cock as he plunged into you at a dangerous pace. He knew he was going to fast approach his orgasm, but Eren wasn’t stupid either. He could feel the clench tightening around him as he fucked right into that pretty spot inside of you, the way your breathing changed after a few seconds of that. Eren would become your number one expert, knowing every tell tale sign of your body, and what you were feeling. From one orgasm, he knew how your breathing changed, and Eren was determined to take you to those heights again.

Keeping the flick of his hips at the slamming pace he was at, he brought his thumb to your swollen clit. At the impact, your eyes screwed closed over the overwhelming pleasure. You felt a twinge of pain, just so sensitive from how strong you came before, but didn’t stop Eren as he rolled your pearl in fast circles, putting delicate pressure on the very top. It took maybe three strokes of his cock and a slight unsteady irregularity in his pattern to get you right where he had wanted you — desperate to cum alongside him.

“I’m so close, Eren,” you moaned out, lower body buzzing in anticipation.

“I want you to cum on my cock,” he demanded, a shocked moan crawling out of his throat at the first clench. “Oh, fuck, good girl.”

You spasmed under him, eyebrows shooting up in a furrow as you arched your back uncontrollably, the wave of your second orgasm slamming into you like a train. You could hear the squelching of Eren fucking your pussy as you contracted around him, or as he tried to. It was pure ecstasy, a feeling of wholeness filling you entirely. Half way through your orgasm, he grabbed the base of his cock, sliding out of you as he pumped himself fast above you. You held your legs open, breathing heavily as Eren watched your muscles contract in astonishment. He had never made a girl cum like this before, so hard and so visually. Your beautiful face, eyes encouraging him to cum, was all he needed. His dick was covered in you, his fingers sticky and soaked. It was all so fucking sloppy, and the thought and sight of it all caught up to him.

You felt the hot ropes of cum hit your belly, moaning at the sight. Eren was fucking his fist, cock thrusting in his grip like he had been doing in your pussy. His head hung forward, eyes drinking in the entirety of you. He shot his load on your lower half, stroking himself down after a couple of minutes, breathing heavily.

He eyed the box of tissues on your nightstand, and grabbed a few, languidly wiping his cum off of your abdomen as the two of you tried to catch your breath, or bring a ration thought back into your minds.

“We just had porn star sex,” you giggled tiredly.

“Oh yes we fucking did,” Eren smirked. “Not to like hype you up or whatever, that was the best sex I’ve ever had.”

Your pride and ego swelled as he finished wiping up his cum, discarding the tissues in the bin on the floor. He hadn’t given you much time to respond, asking where the bathroom was so he could grab a rag to clean you up. You were humbled, affection rising in your chest when he returned to take care of your exhausted body. No one had bothered with aftercare before, and right then and there, you knew Eren was a keeper.

“Thank you,” you yawned out, stretching your legs in front of you. Eren hung around a little awkwardly, not sure of what to do. “You can spend the night, if you want to.”

He raised his eyebrows, a smile crossing his face, “Do you want me to?”

You rolled your eyes, pushing yourself back until your head met your pillows and lifted your comforter, gesturing for Eren to join you. And that he did, pouncing on the offer and sliding into bed with you, not hesitating for a second to wrap his muscular arms around your waist. He kissed you gently, pulling away to place his lips on your shoulder as you began to drift off.

You awoke alone in your bed, the bright rays of the sun hazy as you blinked the sleep away. You could smell and hear the sizzling of breakfast in your kitchen, your bedroom door swung wide open. You threw your legs over the mattress, stealing a quick look at yourself in the mirror. You cringed at the mascara stains under your eyes, taking a tissue and wiping underneath your lashes to look presentable enough for the man looming in your kitchen. You discarded the tissue, and slid on a pair of fresh panties and Eren’s enormous sweatshirt you had yet to return, and padded your bare feet across your floor to join him.

Eren’s back faced you, his form only clad in a pair of boxers as he focused his complete attention to the frying pans in front of him. You smirked, leaning against your counter, placing your chin in your open hands.

“Good morning, Chef Eren,” you teased, catching him off guard as he jumped a bit.

He turned to face you, hair a complete mess as a boyish smile graced his face, “Morning, princess. I hope you don’t mind my mess.”

“It smells amazing, so I guess I can figure out a way to forgive you,” you sighed dramatically. “Only if there’s coffee involved, though.”

“Way ahead of you,” he moved his legs over to your coffee machine, a pair of steaming muga awaiting his hand. He grabbed one, a plain white mug that matched the rest of your kitchen set, and set it on the counter in front of you.

“If you’re trying to earn extra credit, it’s working,” you said, dumbstriken.

“Gotta’ show you I’m boyfriend material,” he wagged his eyebrows, turning back to the frying pan before cutting the heat off. “I couldn’t find your plates, though.”

“Cabinet above the sink,” you directed, pulling out a stool from underneath your kitchen bar. “Forks and stuff are in the drawer by the refrigerator.”

Eren nodded, collecting two plates and the necessary utensils from their designated areas. The sight of eggs and bacon made your mouth water, and you were about to get a key made specifically for Eren to waltz in every morning to cook you this glorious meal every single day. You thanked him as he set your plate in front of you, and you dug in.

“Eren, it’s so good,” you complimented after chewing. “You really know how to treat a girl.”

He simply laughed, and the two of you fell into a pleasant conversation. And then by the time mid day rolled around, the two of you had talked all about where you’d be spending the evening. The night had ended just like the one before in mind blowing sex, the morning after repeating itself, and again, and again.

A month later, you had updated your Instagram bio. ‘Connoisseur of mimosas, rock and roll, and Eren Jaeger’. And when it had come time to update your OnlyFans content, you were more than happy to have your own personal photographer to use at your discretion. Just as long as you continued to wear his necklace, Eren would take as many pictures as you needed him to, knowing you’d end up in each other’s beds at the end of the session anyways. And he’d continue to follow you, this time though, you’d gladly send him his favorite pictures for free.

LACHERI © 2021: all writing content belongs to LACHERI. I do not allow reposts or translations. this is my only account.

[halfmoonshines]

Hey, I honestly loved your little dabble about jealous Marc and Steven :) I was wondering if you take requests right now if not feel free to ignore this.

So, could you write something inspired by Numb little bug by Em Beihold? I heard the song by coincidence and the chorus reminds a lot of Marc doesn’t it?

„ Like your body‘s in the room but you’re not really there

Like you have empathy inside but you don’t really care“

Thank you sooo much!!!!!!

Sorry this took me a few days! This is going to be in song fic style as welllll~ also fun fact i had never heard this song, just heard bits on tik tok but now i love it wow

also this fic just felt a little off the whole time, so let me know

Marc Spector x gn!Reader

summary; Marc thinks it can be so hard to try and live a life when you barely feel real; but you're there to help ground him.

Numb Little Bug

And the world it feels too big Like a floating ball that's bound to break Snap my psyche like a twig

You've known Marc Spector for years, and he's been lost in one way or another that whole time. Whether it's literally lost, as in you can't get him on the phone for a month or proverbially lost, when you're sitting in the same room but he has that look in his eye that says he's anything but present.

You started seeing him romantically about three years ago; a year into it, he disappeared. You came to find him under an alias (so you thought) and living in London. Since the realizations then, and attempting to help him save the world - your relationship is very much the same. Trying to love him while half of him is gone.

Marc has always tried his best, but at best feels like he's living in a dream. Maybe it's part of the DID - or maybe it's just a part of him, but he almost never feels real.

Like, really real.

He can feel pain, he knows that he has experiences but it feels he's just disconnected half of the time, even when he's fronting.

He only feels real with you, honestly.

Which terrified him as much as it exhilarated him. Your touches brought him to life, heat spreading from your hand on his chest outward. Your kisses like a breath of fresh air. You had way too much power over the man.

But despite that, he still felt himself being indifferent with you sometimes.

Do you ever get a little bit tired of life Like you're not really happy but you don't wanna die Like you're hanging by a thread but you gotta survive 'Cause you gotta survive Like your body's in the room but you're not really there Like you have empathy inside but you don't really care Like you're fresh outta love but it's been in the air Am I past repair

There was some times that he hurt you and he knew it.

There were some times he hurt you and you weren't sure he had any clue.

Sometimes when he would be snippy, he'd notice the pull of your brow, the upset broiling there and immediately apologize for his behavior. Pulling you into an embrace and muttering small apologies into your hair.

Other times, he would say the cruelest things offhandedly, and seem like he didn't even hear what he had said. He could throw out such harsh things without a twitch of his mouth in either anger or happiness, it just was. He looked so empty at times.

But you dealt with it because you loved him, and you know he didn't really mean anything by it.

Those feelings solidified after a sad question from him one night.

"Do you think I could stop being like this? One day?"

You'd been sitting together in the living room of your apartment, you with a book in your hands and him with his faraway stare. His questioned startled, and saddened you.

You deposited your book to the side and climbed into his lap, hands framing his face and trying to diminish the sad look on your own.

"I'm not sure, Marc. But I do know that we can try. I'm here either way."

He just answered you with a small smile, wrapping his arms around your waist.

A little bit tired of tryin' to care when I don't A little bit tired of quick repairs to cope A little bit tired of sinkin' There's water in my boat I'm barely breathin' Tryna stay afloat So I got these quick repairs to cope Guess I'm just broken and broke

[ushiwakaout]

parings: Kenma x reader, Oikawa x reader

warning: Fluff, bad grammar. nsfw under black line. fem reader. TIME SKIP HAIKYUU

a/n: request are open! please don’t be afraid to do so!

Kozume Kenma

Match made in heaven

Both of you are at home workers, other than the fact that kenma is a CEO of his own company

You work for him, you’re his editor and you work pretty fast since you obviously do nothing in your day but edit and binge watch anime

you guys could probably go days without talking and just communicate physically and understand everything.

If you go to the store, and he’s gaming that’s when you’ll talk

Always knock before you go into his little studio room

You never come behind him anymore because one time he was filming a scary gameplay with a heart monitor and everyone thought you gave him a heart attack 

but no, kenma is just baby and you wanted a good laugh- you felt really bad about it tho bc it was live and you where crying your ass off and he was yelling at you 

fake breakup video like the next day for trolling

Okaya anywho

if you want his attention and he’s live, you remove one side of his headset and kiss his cheek (theres a several compilation videos of you doing that all over youtube) “I’m going to the store, you want anything?” 

you always wait like 30 seconds and caress him a little to let him know you’re physically there and not just standing there.

“Uh- yeah... yeah. Hold on.” (there is also a compilation of kenma just ignoring you and you just standing there until he answers) 

you always end up naming his favorite snacks, drinks and food and he either agrees or denies. 

everyone thinks its weird how your relationship works

SOME MANY VIDEOS OF “kenma and y/n communicating without any words” 

you go many places by yourself since kenma does very long streams or just long videos

you both stay up really late together

if hes not making videos hes looking at paperwork and if hes not doing that he’s helping you edit

somehow kenma is the more productive one

you have channel yourself that slowly grows thanks to kenma

you only do lives and leave up the whole streams bc you dread editing but you’ll do anything for kenma

just to make extra cash you have and OF

most of the videos consist of watching you play video game while kenma eats you out under the desk

a lot of audios because kenma doesn’t like being his face filmed while having sex

theres a video in your own OF when you do a tik tok trend where you surprise him while he’s filming 

“Kenma can you help me for a second.”

“Hmm, what is it kitten?” 

He paused his game and while his chair turned you undid your robe

Luckly he’s not live and kept the camera on

He just smiles and spreads his legs for you

(gdiewgsfiuchsiufviusdghvypofgsivhrwshb my brain is malfunctioning ugh im so in love with kenma its not even funny)

He makes you sit on his lap, as he suckles your nipple in his mouth. 

His hand firmed tightly around your rips as he kisses every inch of your chest

“You’re so pretty... So fucking pretty.” He mumbles. He’s kissing down your chest all the way to your tummy before picking you up and making you stand 

He makes you stand in front of the camera while stands behind you and kisses the crook of your neck. 

“I want you to look in the camera for me kitten, can you do that?” He kisses her jaw “Can you be a good girl for me?”

(wow if i write any more smut for kenma i think i might go crazy jskwbvbdei)

sex is very much a frequent thing, most of the time it starts as cock warming while watching a movie and two second later your begging to milk kenmas cock again

he loves when you beg for his cock, makes him feel wanted

he loves feeling your tight pussy clench around him when hes about to cum and you’re cumming for the third time, panting, begging, crying to having him fill you up with his hot cum.

Blow jobs under his desk or while hes on an important call are a must.

you love watching his cock slowly twitch with pre cum when you lick his shaft

mmm i need to stop- i love him so much ugh

Oikawa Tooru 

Being lazy in argentina was a dream but a little lonely

Tooru was always away at practive but lcukly the apartment he had been renting had a pool, and you spend most of your days at the pool, reading or playing some game he just bought you

you hate how early he freaking wakes up

hes making breakfast and blending shakes at like 5 in the morning 

there’s days he doesn’t really mean to wake you, you know the difference bc if he wants to wake you he’ll leave the blender run for a while and if h doesn’t he does it in seperate pulses so it’s not so damn loud

if he does it on purpose, he has breakfast ready for you before his own

doesn’t expect you to stick around after you eat 

when he wakes you on accident he’s like “Oh my baby i’m so sorry honey.” 

cue kiss attacks, warm hugs and him making you a cup of coffee/tea, whatever you prefer that morning

he’s so sweet

he knows you work hard too (even tho it doesn’t seem like it bc people think youtubers and streamers have an easy job when it clearly is mentally very stressful)

He knows that when he wakes you up, you had legit just gone to bed like two hours ago. 

sometimes you sleep though the noise and before he leaves he wakes you up just a little so he can kiss you goodbye.

its always something like *shake* *shake* “Baby.... honey”  *caressing of the head/cheek/hair* “I gotta go to practice now, give me a kiss princess.” you always wake up to the sound of that and give his a really sweet and tender kiss. Oikawa really just wants to fall back asleep with you and hold you, especially today since it was a cold morning

after you give him the kiss, you caress his cheek and then shove him away- a little jumpy that he need to go. “Love you.” you mutter before covering yourself with the blankets 

he always slaps your ass over the blankets, it never huts but it’s just a sign of his actually leaving to practice 

You wear his stuff when he leaves

low key have attachment issues since you moved with him to Argentina

other than pool side reading, or doing a few laps before breakfast- you really don’t do anything but work.

Work for you consisted you of just playing video games or streaming

You’re popular on the female side of gamers 

sometimes you have streams where you ask your fans to play and write down their handles and you’d add them to a game or sum

Everyone knows your dating a professional volleyball player an they think it’s an interesting duo

You cry when Tooru brought Hinata over, he smelt like home

you def. helped him adjust to the life in argentina bc it’s nothing like home.

hinata comes over for dinner ever weekend

if you’re not working or at the pool, you’re in a white hoddie and some shorts, just watching Hinata play some beach volleyball while playing some game

You very much remind him of kenma- it helped a lot when he got some sick- you didn’t really ‘help’ you just cried with him about how much you miss home

although your schedule isnt the best, youre always awake when tooru gets home, always there to greet him with kisses 

hes lucky you like cooking, bc he always comes home to an empty stomach 

you’re probably the slowest cooker he knows but you take your sweet time bc you know that it always comes out w the best result and he doesnt complain anymore

baths w oikawa are frequent

muscles sores are a usual so seconds before he gets home theres a hot bath being  pampered with your love for him

you work so slow on everything hes surprised you actually get stuff done

a little offended that he doesn’t believe in your slow work ethic bc it worked since highschool.

there had been times where he just ask if you’re not ever sick of being at home locked in all day and it stated a very month long fight.

sleeping in different rooms

(LIL ANGST AHEAD)

Tooru can hear you cry from the other room

he didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, he really didn’t. he just doesn’t want you to regret anything- especially moving here with him

you hate it when he questions your life ethics. it makes you feel like a failure and unworthy.

your life is simple and you like it that way but the second he questions it you think that you aren’t doing enough

will 100% sleep outside your door because he can’t sleep alone anymore. he’s gotten used to you being right next to him

you realize that it seems he’s given up so now it’s time to go to the kitchen and get water

but to your surprise tooru is very asleep on the doorframe when you open the door. it’s makes your heart ache just a little bit. he looks tired, his eyes are puffy but he looks so at peace.

you wake him up to go to bed but he has other plans.

he’s kissing you so sweetly, every piece of skin he can find he will kiss

will carry you to bed and kiss your tummy as your shirt ran a little too high

will start to kiss your inner thigh and pull down your underwear and slowly make his way up to your pussy

you’re clearly trying to shove him off (not hard enough) because you keep closing your legs and trying to push him with your foot

will spread your legs and keep his hands there to he can start eating you out

this is his apology. this his how oikawa tooru says im sorry without saying it. soft pleasuring, orgasmic sex.

his fingers are so deep in your pussy while he’s sucking on your clit. he doesn’t look at you when you cum because he feels like he doesn’t deserve to see it.

you’re begging him to look at you after he’s done fingering you so you can kiss him with your taste this lingering oh his tongue

fucks you in a matting press because when it’s slow and he’s thrusting it all in.... i don’t think he’s seen you twitch and drool so much

tooru is there to pleasure you and when he sees you cry out of the pleasure you know he’ll be forgiven when it’s over

aftercare is even better

he doesn’t make you do anything

he presses you, gives you kisses and over all will apologize verbally when you’re slowly falling asleep in his arms

[lwt28brave]

369 free merch + promo + singles

Welcome to another ramble by me because I am bored and can't help but think that the free merch thing has to mean something. Or not, because... expect the unexpected. I won't bring anyone else into the conversation but I'm incorporating some messages I sent into a GC pretty much unchanged.

There’s been a lot of talk surrounding the fact that we got studio pictures and then radio silence again, which I agree it’s not nice but not unheard of. And I know we all joked about the possible meanings of 369 but, after all, nothing really pointed to July 15th other than circumstantial evidence (a year it’s 365. 369 could be a year + four days. We don’t know when to start counting, but hey, July 11th is the day he left Syco, let’s start there because it seems important to him. Last year had 366 days, anyway).

The rest is under cut because this got out of hand pretty fast.

Let me preface this by saying I don’t think 18 months it’s such a long time for an artist not to release new music, but I understand that the circumstances might play into why the fandom is so on edge. As someone who’s been there for all of Louis solo career, I get why people might look at everything going on and have 2017 flashbacks. I get them from time to time. I remember him saying the album was ready to go, I remember the shift with Miss You and his tweets full of frustration, I remember TXF. And I wish to take a glimpse into 2021-Louis-brain too, let’s be honest, because Walls might have come out in 2020 but half of the songs were written by 2017. I am not the same person I was back then, and I hope he isn’t either.

But Louis already said we won’t be getting a new album this year. And I do think that him being a perfectionist plays a role into that, no matter how many fingers we can point. The pandemic also contributed to the state of fandom dynamics nowadays. We were supposed to get a tour last year, which equals lots of content, and we got silence then a livestream then more silence. And now we got some content then back to nothing (that we can see—I don’t want anyone to come and call Louis lazy in my DM’s again, I don’t have the patience for that).

Let’s recap. We have an 18-months-old album that got little to no promo back when it should have gotten it, and while I will always support all the projects going on, but, frankly and while this might sound shocking giving my annoying perseverance to stream the album day and night, I don’t think the numbers are so bad. There were never any intentions to have Walls reach newer demographics. The singles aren’t being pushed right now and, certainly, weren’t promoted when they should’ve been. They never got radio play and, nowadays, can’t be added to playlists by his new label… (and we can’t really expect them to do better when the artist has already moved on from that project and the team and discography can’t or won’t help). Obviously, the push we got with Defenceless was great, and it could be even bigger if we got the hang of Tik Tok, but I don’t want the fandom to feel like we’re failing Louis, or we could be doing more, when it’s out of reach unless we get really lucky and creative with those algorithms and trends.

So, now, do I believe we’re getting new music? Does 369 feels like a buildup? It does and, at the same, it doesn’t. From a marketing perspective, for a brand to tease something for so long without clarifying anything it would mean the loss of interest from the potential clients/buyers, creating a feeling of weariness if it goes on for too long, which could pivot them to look for other things to spend their money or time on.

So, no. I don’t believe the 369 thing was being intentionally promoted when Louis teased it the first time, and I think that’s a mistake. If it really has some deeper meaning that can be associated to his next project, I think mentioning it back in March to wait until the end of April to bring it up again and, even then, sell a product related to it without specifying anything about it is a mistake. As a strategist, you have to plan while keeping in mind we (your potential clients) have the attention span of a fish. It’s harsh but it’s what it is. Not to mention this ploy, if it is promoting something, does absolutely nothing to reach new demographics… once again.

I am talking from a professional standpoint here, not throwing blame at Louis but at whoever runs this shit (please, get back to me, I did send you a CV). It’s not as easier as looking for old patterns and discerning whether we’re getting something or not. We have to assess this as a potential new situation and thenwe can focus on analyzing.

Do I believe we’re getting new music? I suspect there’s something coming but it’s just that, a supposition. It’s an assumption that’s once again, pretty baseless. Is Louis sending out new merch to promote a new single? Is he just being grateful?

Let’s look at the facts. The last merch drop was called 369, so it has some kind of significancy. There’re 369 letters/presents. At least one journalist, that we know of, got one of them. We got a few articles almost two weeks ago already talking about Louis in a general sense, re-introducing him to the public as a successful musician and nothing else (which is always great to see). It could be slow seeding, to test the waters. We could have more coming, or it could have been a one-off because he was out and about for the EURO thing andwriting music and making sandwiches for charity, so it’s good to remind people of his existence. Don’t fade away, yada yada yada.

As I mentioned above, he made it clear that he wasn’t going to be releasing an album this year, but that something BIG was coming/going to happen. Right now, I’m expecting a single that could be tied to the documentary, and parallel promotion of both. Maybe we will get Louis’ music in a Netflix show thanks to BMG deal with them, too.

I don’t think we’re getting a new LP (long play, not Liam Payne) until the tour for the previous one is done BUT I think an EP would be an interesting and very clever move. It could help keep his name relevant and get him some presence in playlists and some radio-play without changing too much the setlist of the tour and, at the same time, pave the way for his sophomore album, giving him a much fair chance of breaking into the charts.

Alas, I can’t really make any of this happen. If the sound is summer-y, which could be because of the video of them dancing in the studio, I will say they are already a little late. If you want a summer hit, but you don’t think it will be an instant hit but a sleeper (not really the term I’m looking for, but you get me), release it during spring. If the sound is more like COACOAC it won’t make sense to release it until late August or September because emo music hits harder during autumn and winter which leaves me wondering why now, why now (if it’s now, which I doubt, given the silence from his socials once again, but then, not a good move to send more things related to 369).

So here’re my thoughts on all of this. If you have any questions I will be happy to answer them but let’s be honest, this has 1,3k words so most of you won’t even read all of it.

[dollyshaw]

The Thing About Rain: An Adrienette Story (Part 1)

In which our heroes are introduced.

To say it rained that day would be an understatement.

From the moment Marinette Dupain-Cheng woke up, water poured from the sky, creating an unforgiving fog that prevented even the sharpest eyes from seeing so much as their hand in front of their face.

Marinette was no stranger to rain. It had never bothered her before, as many of her favorite memories came from the rain.

It was the rain that brought her the love of her life, though he may not know his status to her. It had hardly been seven years since Marinette stood outside her college waiting for the rain to subside, and in his innate kindness, supermodel and fellow-classmate, Adrien Agreste stopped to give Marinette his umbrella. He would go on to regard that encounter as a simple act of kindness to a friend. She would regard that moment as the moment she fell head-over heels in love with her classmate.

It was rain that set the scenes in many of her encounters with her best-friend and superhero partner, Chat Noir. She fondly remembered late night patrols with her leather-clad kitty, racing the rooftops of Paris as the rain wet her face. When she needed a happy memory, she thought back on how Chat Noir would vault from a balcony to a puddle claiming that he would make the bigger splash. The years may have passed and opponents may have become more fierce, but she and Chat Noir, no matter how old they'd become, would always have their rain patrols.

To say the least, Marinette enjoyed the rain.

This rain, however, felt different. Ominous, even. Marinette, though being the holder of the Miraculous known for luck, was never superstitious. This storm, for whatever reason, put her on edge.

"Something is strange, Marinette." her kwami, Tikki, called her out of her trance at her bedroom window.

"I feel it too, Tikki. Do you think I should transform? Go and find Chat?"

"I'm not sure that it's not just a feeling. You don't want to risk anything if you don't have to. Besides, if Chat is anything like his kwami, he's not even noticed that it's raining yet."

Marinette laughed at her tiny friend. Tikki was right, Chat did tend to be a little aloof.

"You're right, Tikki. Come on, we can't be late for our first day at House of Gabriel." Marinette concluded, making her way into her closet to get ready for internship with famous fashion designer (and father of the love of her life) Gabriel Agreste.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Adrien didn't mind the rain. He didn't particularly like it, but he never minded it. Most of the work he did was inside, so it never really interfered with his carefully calculated schedule.

He sighed as he ran over his schedule for the day in his head.

6 a.m.: Running (accompanied by Gorilla)

7 a.m.: Shower and Dress

8 a.m.: Breakfast with Father (which was usually subject to change seeing as his father was almost never seen in person anymore.)

9-11 a.m.: Photoshoot

12 p.m.: Lunch

1-3 p.m.: Photoshoot

4 p.m.: Fencing (he used to take lessons, but upon him turning 18, Monsieur D'Argencourt offered him a position as an assistant coach, much to his father's approval.)

5 p.m.: Dinner with Father (again, usually subject to change.)

6 p.m-9 p.m.: Free Time

It was roughly the same schedule as every single day from the past ten years of his life. There were few things that changed as he got older, such as the removal of school once he graduated and the addition of free time at night where he was permitted to socialize with friends, accompanied by the Gorilla, of course.

Much to Adrien's dismay, Gabriel made up his mind shortly into his last year of school that he would not need to attend University and that all the further education he needed to take over the company when Gabriel retired would be best taught by him and Nathalie.

Regardless, most nights when his father thought he was asleep, Adrien would call upon the tiny God of Destruction housed in the silver ring upon his finger. Clad in skin tight leather as black as night, he would pounce from his bedroom window across the roofs of Paris to meet with his Lady.

Oh, his Lady. What a Lady she was. The memories he shared with her were his favorite memories of the rain.

His most treasured memories were observed by the way the rain clung to her red and black spotted suit in droplets and the way it made her navy blue hair shine against the lights of Paris. He treasured the way her blue bell eyes would squint when she laughed at him as he pounced from puddle to puddle along the cobblestone streets. Her voice would ring out "Silly Kitty" with a giggle. He'd place a kiss to her gloved hand before they departed with a "M'lady" and then watch as she swung away through the sheets of rain.

Tonight, he decided, would be no different.

He carefully combed through his blonde hair as he listened to the hard beating of todays rain outside of his bedroom window.

"Mon Dieu, it's pouring les chats et les chiens out there!" his kwami snarked as he flew into the bathroom and took residence beside Adrien's hairbrush on the counter.

"I hope Marinette and Tik--- Marinette and her TOTALLY AWESOME SELF get to the office okay." Plagg commented.

"Marinette?" Adrien questioned, "What does Marinette have to do at the office?"

"You forgot didn't you?" Plagg retorted, unamused. Adrien felt a blush creep to his ears. "Personally, I would have thought the beginning of your so called 'best friends' apprenticeship at your father's studio would have been at the top of your reminders today."

"Of course! How could I forget?" Adrien lamented.

"I'm not sure she's only been talking about it for three months."

"Plagg, take a look at the schedule. Do you think if we leave now we'll have enough time to pick up a coffee and a croissant from the Bakery as a 'Welcome'?" Adrien asked as he knotted the laces on his loafers.

"You'd be cutting it close, but a certain feline I know would make it with time to spare." Plagg suggested with a sly and knowing smirk.

"Plagg," Adrien grinned, knowing all-too-well what Plagg was implying, "Claws Out!"

Then he lept out of the window into the downpour, racing to the nearest bakery to retrieve treats for his best friend on her first day of her dream job.

In his rush and excitement to find the perfect Croissant, Adrien didn't notice the figure standing at his bedroom door waiting to remind him of his commitment to Paris Fashion week in the next few days. He didn't notice the figure that watched his entire encounter with his tiny God and then his entire transformation. He didn't notice, and probably wouldn't have known if he did, that this figure was the same that had been transforming heartbroken and angry citizens of Paris to retrieve the same silver ring that he'd noticed on his son's finger so many years ago but never had any proof that it was what he was looking for. He didn't notice that his father, Gabriel Agreste, more villianously known as ShadowMoth, had seen him transform.

Maybe he should have paid a little more attention to the rain.

[eberles]

Do You?

Vince Dunn

Request: @stfukie​ : 28 and 45 from the angst list with jj (or vince)

A/N: i chose to do this with vince, i hope that’s okay! sorry it took literally so long i couldn’t decide if i liked it but finally here it is!! 🥰🥰 italics=flashback

Warnings: angst, like 1 swear word

“Do you love me?” you had tears in your eyes and your arms were crossed over your chest. You felt drained, like everything had been sucked out of your body, but this conversation had been a long time coming.

“Y/N, what? I don’t understand why you’re asking me that.” Vince ran his fingers through his hair, pulling at the ends showing his slight frustration.

“Just answer the question Vince, yes or no.” you already knew the answer, but for you to be able to move on he needed to say it. Your relationship wasn’t horrible not in the slightest, but the past few weeks there had been a slight tension sending you both onto a rocky path.

“I-I don’t know.” Vince put his head down in shame, he didn’t want it to come out like this. Or at all. He wanted nothing more than to feel the same way, and he thought he did but Vince couldn’t deny the fact he was struggling with it. “I do love you, but-”

“But let me guess, you’re not in love with me.” you were full on crying at this point even though you’d known the truth since he first said it, something about the way he said it.

“Okay next! Something that reminds you of them.” you smiled excitedly ready to pull out the gift you got for Vince. You guys were doing the new tik tok trend where you get stuff they like in favorite colors and what not. You pulled out a new gaming headset Vince has had his eye on and his eyes lit up when he saw it.

“This is awesome, thank you baby,” Vince had a slight pink blush to his cheeks when he pulled out a brand new ipad for you. Knowing yours broke just a few days ago and you’d been so upset about it because you weren’t ready to spend that kind of money on a new one.

“Oh my god! Vince, thank you. Ugh I love you.” you grinned even though you wanted to cry, it was just an ipad, but the fact he remembered you said yours broke and how upset you were about it just warmed your heart so much. Vince had a very shocked look on his face at your reveal and his smile faltered a bit.

“I-same, I love you too.” his words were hesitant and you felt a pit in your stomach that you tried to push down. You, of course, wanted to believe him but his tone and hesitation made it hard for you. Something didn’t feel right about the way he said it. You couldn’t shake the feeling that he was just agreeing with you versus actually meaning it for himself. You and Vince have been dating for about 9 months, it wasn’t that far out for you to have finally said those 3 words.

You brushed it off when he first said it not wanting to deal with it because you really just wanted to believe he meant it. You convinced yourself his hesitation was because he was nervous and taken aback. It’s been 3 weeks since that night and neither of you have even uttered the L word since. You weren’t sure exactly where to go from here but you knew it wasn’t fair for you to go on like this anymore.

“I shouldn’t have lied to you, but baby I wanna be with you.” Vince rushed over to you, grabbing your hands in his and pulling you closer to him. You turned your face away from him and ripped your arms from his grasp, pushing at his chest slightly.

“Are you kidding? You just admitted that you don’t love me!” you shouted through your tears, pacing around the living room of his apartment. Vince’s eyes were filled with tears and he was contemplating getting on his knees to beg for your forgiveness. “fuck you for toying with my emotions like that, vince.”

“I just move slower than you babe, I am falling in love with you. I can feel it, please don’t do this.” you weren’t sure if vince was trying to convince you or himself. He wasn’t ready to let you go just yet because he had love for you in his heart. He’d never cared for someone like he did you, he never went out of his way for anyone like he did you, he never wanted to be a better person for anyone except you. There was a wall built around his heart and he wasn’t sure at this point, if anything or anyone could tear it down, but he wanted it to be you. He wanted nothing more than to let you in, especially now.

“I have to go vince, I can’t be around you right now.” and with that you grabbed your belongings and made your way out of Vince’s apartment. You sat in your car crying for what felt like hours before you felt stable enough to drive on your own.

Vince made every attempt to reach out to you, he even went as far as having Sammy contact you for him. It was too hard for you though, hearing his voice alone would’ve sent you off the edge. You had every intention of reaching out to him but, everyday you worked towards forgetting him and how great you thought you were together. Trying to forget about the love of your life, the man you wanted to spend forever with was the hardest thing you’d ever have to endure.

••••••••••••••••••••••

It’s been 3 months since you last saw Vince and you were finally ready to take the best step and return to the cafe you guys used to frequent. It had always been your favorite cafe and you weren’t going to let anyone change that for you. Standing at the counter waiting for your latte, inhaling the fresh coffee scent-

“Y/N?” you gasped recognizing that voice anywhere, it hit you like a ton of bricks and every emotion you once felt for the man came rushing back without even looking at him. You turned around slowly meeting eyes with your ex boyfriend. “how are you?”

“Um, i’m sorry I can’t do this.” The tears came to your eyes quick and you tried to make a beeline for the door, but Vince grabbed your arm holding you back.

“I miss you, y/n, so much.”

“I miss you too, but we grew apart, and at this point i’m glad.” you wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and forgive him. Truthfully, everyday your heart aches for him and you didn’t know how much longer you could take it, but you had to hold your ground. At least for now.

[followtheowls]

Kids throw Kanera surprise date night

Thanks for the prompt :) 

I actually really love this prompt because it reminded me of a Tik Tok I recently watched lol and that inspired the path I took this fic. Re-reading it through after writing it, Sabine and Ezra do kinda seem childish, but roll with it because the concept is super cute.

Also it’s kinda fitting a prompt with Valentine’s day coming up.

I imagine it’s set somewhere in the second half of season one.

Words: 2.5k

…….

Ezra sank heavily into the Dejarik booth in the gallery, his eyes tracking the game currently being played between Sabine and Chopper. Sabine was staring intently at the holo-pieces in front of her and didn’t even look up when he sat down. The sounds of Hera and Kanans argument rang down the hall. It didn’t sound like anything too serious, but it was definitely strange to see the couple arguing - it wasn’t something Ezra had witnessed before that day. Despite just having sat down, Ezra fidgeted nervously, the fact that his Captain and his Master were arguing made him feel on edge. 

He’d only been on the Ghost for a few months, but Ezra had gotten used to the lifestyle of his new living situation. He never went to bed hungry, the Ghost had heating, and he had access to regular showers with hot water. The best part of it all was the place he had found for himself in their little family on the Ghost. Ezra jumped, startled out of his thoughts as a particularly loud “Kanan!” echoed down the hall and into the gallery. His frown deepened. He knew how these things went - the two leaders of a group fight and the group ends up splitting up because the rest are forced to take sides. Ezra had seen it before on the streets with gangs of other Loth rats. Another pang of unhappiness rang through him. He’d just gotten used to being onboard and he was finally happy - happier than he had remembered being in a long time - why did things have to go wrong now?

“You okay, kid?” Ezra looked over to Sabine, who had been distracted from her intense game of Dejarik, and was staring at Ezra in mild concern. “You kinda look like you’re freaking out about something.”

Ezra rolled his eyes in annoyance at her usage of the nickname kid (Sabine was barely two years older than him!), and forced a smile. “I’m not freaking out about anything! It’s just, well,” Ezra floundered, struggling to come up with the right way to phrase his concern without revealing too much. “Uh, have they ever fought like this before?” Ezra finished timidly.

“Who? Oh, wait, do you mean Kanan and Hera? Do they fight? Is that what you’re worried about?” She clarified, inquisitively. At Ezra’s nod she continued, “Don’t think too much about it; they argue every once in a while. They get over it eventually, I think some people call it a, uh, lovers quarrel?” She snickered and Chopper emitted a loud beep of laughter. “They just need some time together that's not about missions or supply runs or anything too serious.”

Ezra visibly relaxed at Sabine’s words. “Oh. I guess that makes sense.” His eyes clouded as a thoughtful expression appeared on his face. 

“Uh, oh,” Sabine chuckled. “What are you up to?”

Ezra’s face broke into a large grin. “I have an idea,” he started, “and you can help.”

--------------

“Come on, let’s get the supplies inside,” Hera ordered, while shifting her grip on the package in her hands. “I wonder what the kids have gotten up to while we were out.”

Kanan huffed. “Probably nothing good,” he muttered. “I don’t know how they get into the situations they do. Force only knows how they survived before we came along.”

Hera smirked and playfully retorted, while poking him in the shoulder. “Some might say they get their troublesome streak from you.”

Kanan chuckled dryly and rolled his eyes. “Well, I guess I’d have to disagree with you there, Captain Rebel. I’d say they take after you and your wild antics.”

Hera playfully turned her nose upwards feigning an air of innocence. “I have no idea what you’re referring to Mister I-like-to-jump-out-the-Phantom-midflight-and-have-my-apprentice-follow-my-lead.” 

Kanan just snorted humorously in response while making his way up the ramp of the Ghost. They both set down their crates in the cargo bay and looked up to see the twin Cheshire grins aimed at them from the two youngest members of the crew. The older Jedi and the pilot exchanged wary glances with each other. “What have you two done?” Hera asked with a brow raised and a tone that indicated a fair amount of suspicion.

“Oh, nothing to worry about,” Sabine replied, sporting a cheeky smile, while Ezra beside her was seemingly vibrating with excitement. “Just a few decorations, why don’t you come see.” Ezra nodded enthusiastically, and giggled while racing up the ladder before the rest of them.

Kanan and Hera exchanged another glance, both sporting cautious smiles, before following the two teens up the ladder and Sabine ushered them into the gallery. What greeted them was a scene that they never would have predicted. The gallery was decorated in a romantic fashion - Hera assumed this was mostly Sabine’s doing. There were two sets of silverware and glasses on the Dejarik table and a bunch of lit candles in various parts of the room. There were also decorative hearts and flowers made of flimsi strewn throughout the room. 

Once again, the couple stared at each other, this time bewildered instead of suspicious. Whatever they were expecting, this was not it. Ezra returned again with what looked like a thick piece of fabric or ribbon tied around his collar like a bow tie. He giggled again and started to lead Hera to her seat while Sabine pushed Kanan towards the opposite seat. “Kids - what? What is this?” Hera questioned. 

Sabine replied with an everlasting grin. “Welcome to date night on the Ghost, we will be your hosts for the evening! Thank you for choosing us, please settle in and get comfortable. My colleague Ezra will take it from here!” And at that she disappeared out the door, heading in the direction of the kitchen. Ezra stepped forward with two pieces of flimsi that he placed in front of the seated couple. 

“Here is the menu,” Ezra said playfully, putting on a posh accent. “Let me know if there's any questions! First off, what would the both of you like to drink?”

Kanan’s eyes crinkled with amusement and affection and a smile tugged at his lips. “We’ll take some water, and I don’t know… Hmm…” He said, playing along. “How about you surprise us? Sounds good, Hera?”

Hera hid her smile with her hand. “Of course, love. Surprise us with your best drink.” Ezra nodded vigorously, and made a big show of writing something down on a notepad. He then bounded off in the same direction Sabine disappeared to, but not before bowing in an exaggeratedly. 

The couple turned back to face one another and there was silence for several moments until Hera exclaimed, “Oh. My. Goodness. This has to be the most adorable thing they’ve ever done!” She tried to make sure her laughter was not too loud or giving the kids the wrong idea. Kanan echoed her reaction, his shoulders shaking with his suppressed chuckles.

“Let’s see what menu they’ve worked up for us in the meantime,” Kanan proposed, still sporting an amused grin. “By the way,” Kanan leaned in to whisper to her, “did you see his little bow-tie?” Hera hummed and nodded, her attention diverted to the menu.

The menu itself was handwritten (presumably by Ezra if the handwriting and spelling were any kind of indicator) and was comically short, provoking another round of amusement from the two. There, apparently, was going to be three courses. The first course was, hilariously, a choice between the four different flavors of ration bars they had on ship. The second course was a selection between the two different types of canned soups they had one board far back in the pantry. The dessert section announced it would be a chefs special, but didn’t list the item.

After only moments of deliberation, the two had made their selections, just in time for the return of the ‘waitstaff’. Giggling, Ezra stepped forward holding two glasses of water, in his excitement a little sloshed over the side. He set them down in front of the pair, and stepped out of the way while Sabine brought over two champagne flutes filled with a sparkling pinkish-purple beverage.

“Ooh,” Hera commented, “What’s this pretty drink?” 

The kids met each other's gaze, and Sabine replied, “It’s our signature drink, we call it ‘the Sparkling Spectre’.” Ezra giggled and clapped his hands. “It’s really just meiloorun and jogan juice mixed with Alderaanian champagne.”

Now that made Hera strike a serious face and she opened her mouth to inquire for further explanation. “And, how, may I ask, did you acquire the champagne?” She doubted they had gotten it themselves, no vendor would believe either of them to be over the legal age. 

Breaking character for a moment, Ezra explained Zeb had generously offered up the bottle, which he had received as a gift a while ago, claiming it to be too bubbly for his liking. At that response, Hera relaxed. 

“Well, I will leave you with my colleague, as I must be returning to my kitchen.”

Ezra stepped forward, again putting on a posh accent and asked if they were ready to place their order. They responded affirmatively, and relayed their orders to him. “Very well, I will inform the kitchen,” Ezra confirmed. “Before I go, are your beverages to your liking?” The both of them sipped their drink and responded affirmatively.

Kanan and Hera watched, not quite suppressing their amusement, as Ezra scurried out of the room towards the kitchen to tell Sabine what they had ordered. On his way out, he passed Chopper, giving him a swift kick and ordering him to play the music Sabine had found. Chopper replied he would do no such thing, but remained in the room. Hera covered her smile with her hand and giggled. “I wonder what brought this on?” She asked Kanan. He just smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

“Eh, I can never tell with that kid. It sure is funny though - and nice to not have to have to organize dinner, even if the dinner’s going to be ration bars and canned soup.” Kanan replied, his eyes twinkling in amusement.

Chopper once again made his presence known with a loud string of beeps. “Baby Jedi’s scared that Mom’s gonna break up with you, so he and Spectre 5 are making a date to offset that outcome.” Kanan and Hera looked at each other in bewilderment, both of them clearly wondering where Ezra got that idea from.

“Well, obviously that’s not true. I wonder where he got that idea from?” Hera contemplated for a moment before realization dawned on her face.“He must’ve been spooked by how we were arguing earlier. We’ll clear it up - he’ll be fine. You hear that Chop? No one’s breaking up with anyone!”

Chopper responded with a curse, and fled the room whooping with laughter, but not before beeping “A droid can only dream!” at Kanan, who rolled his eyes. 

Several minutes of pleasant conversation followed until their youngest crew member returned with a tray in his hand. “For you, Madame, and for you, Master Jedi.” He placed the ration bars in front of them, and backed away heading towards the kitchen.

----------

Around thirty minutes of warm and pleasant conversation and two courses later, the Twi’lek and Jedi had finished both their ration bars and soup. “Delicious, Ezra,” Hera praised, purposefully holding Kanan’s hand in a visible manner; she wanted to try to ease his worries about the couple. “We loved it!”

“You did good, kid,” Kanan smiled at him, picking up on Hera’s intentions. “It’s been an excellent date.” His body language was relaxed in a way Hera hadn’t seen in a while, he’d had a tenseness to him ever since he began to teach Ezra the ways of the Force; it was almost as if he struggled to relax lately and sometimes the evidence of the heaviness of his past weighed down on him. But, right now, Kanan was grinning happily while looking at his student, his eyes twinkling in a prideful expression that Hera noticed was often inching everyday towards paternal.

Ezra beamed in response. “That’s great, and there’s still the last course!” He took away their finished soup bowls, headed back towards the kitchen. From the gallery, they could hear Ezra relay their compliments of the meal to Sabine and, seconds later, the cheering and slapping sound which presumably was a high five. The couple now also heard the addition of a new voice echoing down the hall - Zeb. They were thankful to hear his voice, as neither teenager had any cooking skills.

Dessert finally arrived along with the rest of the crew, this time Zeb finally making an appearance. He presented them with their dessert - a stack of fresh waffles with slices of meiloorun and whipped cream - it was clearly made by Zeb as he was the only one with the necessary skills to make it. 

Hera gasped with appreciation, clapping her hands together in praise. “Wow, this looks amazing everybody! I can’t wait to try it. While you're all here, we just want to say how much we appreciate this. We love it and we love our little family here on the Ghost.” Spectres 4, 5, and 6 smiled back at them, and Hera gracefully chose not to comment if Ezra’s eyes happened to glisen more than normal. “You all are so important to us, really!”

Zeb laughed and scratched the back of his neck. “Eh, that’s enough sappiness for me, I’m going to go clean the mess they left in the kitchen.” He backed, away leaving the kids with the parental figures of the ship.

“Hera’s right,” Kanan continued. “We couldn’t have asked for a better family, kids who care enough to organize a whole dinner for the two of us. We love it and wouldn’t change it for anything in the galaxy.” His words clearly resonated with the two teenagers, both coming from sensitive familial backgrounds. He opened his arms, inviting them both in for a hug, which Ezra practically melted into. To his left, Sabine was hugging Hera.

“Why don’t the both of you stay while we eat dinner, hmm?” Hera asked, reaching across the table to grasp Ezra’s hand. The two teens nodded and settled in beside the adults who began to dig into their dessert. They chatted joyfully with the young teens, enjoying the leisure time. Kanan wrapped an arm around Ezra’s shoulders, and the teen eventually leaned his head against Kanan’s arm. For what felt like the thousandth time that day, Kanan’s heart fluttered with affection and gratefulness for the family he and Hera had built, and the home they have been able to provide for the younger members of the crew, both of whom were products of difficult living situations. Kanan met Hera’s eyes for a brief moment and knew she was appreciating the same thing. Together, they basked in the intense sense of pride for the thoughtfulness and creativity of their younger counterparts, knowing that their family, in that moment, was untouchable by those of the Empire who wished to break them.

[detroitbydark]

Fox and Mouse Finale 1/2

Characters: Commander Fox x Mouse (reader), and more Jedi/clones/politicians than you can shake a stick at.

Summary: Fox makes plans and then remakes them...

A/N: Ladies and Lads this is it! A chapter so stupid long it required it be split in two pieces. I'm not going to make you wait and I'll be posting both this evening. I'm feeling really sentimental because this is the longest thing I've ever written and completed. I couldn't have done it without y’all. Your support and comments have helped me get through the tough periods of writing and the stress in my life as of late. This is for you guys! Thank you. I love you! 

Special thanks as always to @skdubbs and @crimson-dxwn for being there to listen to me and help me every step of the way. You are both absolutely amazing!

````````

The crick in his neck is the least of Fox’s worries when he wakes. It wasn’t like he could call the tossing and turning he’d done for the last six standard hours much of a rest. After returning to his room, tail tucked between his legs, Fox hadn’t been able to unwind. He couldn’t lay his head down without a million thoughts racing through his head.

He loved her. 

Yes, it was something he’d known for a while, maybe even longer than he was willing to admit. He loved her more than he loved himself. For a long time he’d thought that’s how love was supposed to work. You sacrificed yourself for the things you loved. Now he’s not sure.

Mouse loved him. It was something he hadn’t hoped for, but after being near her, feeling her lips against his own, seeing the depth of emotion in her sad eyes as she’d kicked him out of her room - he didn’t question it. The issue he finds himself struggling with is hard to put into words. If he couldn’t love himself, if he didn’t think he was worthy, could he truly love her? Mouse was willing to accept him at his most broken, for his flaws and his lingering self doubt. If he couldn’t do the same for himself-

The thoughts kept him up the better of the night. He’d lost count of the times he’d walked to his door intent on barging into her room… and doing what? That’s where the plan got dicey and inevitably where he decided against any further action until first light.

Of course, by the time he’d fallen asleep he’d been so exhausted that he’d missed first light. It wasn’t until a pair of noisy male tik-tak birds jostled for the affections of a female outside his window that Fox woke.

His first thoughts were of Mouse as he shooed the noisy creatures from his open window.

He didn’t enjoy the smell of failure -or sweat - that permeated the air around him. He took a sonic shower so fast he would have set a record back on Kamino. 

He focused on the words he’d say to her. The words that would make her see that he was sorry. That his shabla behavior was a fluke that he could and would correct. That he would spend the rest of his life making it up to her if she’d just give him one more chance.

 He pauses as he slips into his armor.

The rest of his life.

He didn’t want her for a moment in time. He wanted her for all time, at his side through whatever life would throw at them. Resolve settles over him, the kind that a lifetime training for battle honed. There’s a certain peace to it.

Darasuum.

Like any good soldier he makes a plan. When she fails to answer her door when he knocks, he goes to plan B. He knocks again. Louder.

When that doesn’t work, he moves on to plan C.

There’s a small cadre of Jedi and Clones eating a quiet breakfast on the veranda. The sun is just peeking over the waterfalls in the distance. Cody and General Secura are speaking in quiet tones over two cups of caf. General Kenobi sits nursing a cup of tea staring out over the placid lake. Like, a sore thumb, Bly sticks out, devouring whatever pastry and fruit had been piled on his plate like he was a cadet late for morning exercises. He looks up in time to see Fox and give him an encouraging smile and a wave over before taking a bite of some sort of plump sausage even Fox found to be too large.

“Vod!” The golden yellow hues of Bly’s facial tattoos seem to glow brighter in the sun. “Su cuy’gar!” he greets happily.

Fox pauses, then pulls out a chair, grabbing a cheese filled pastry from his batch mate’s plate. “Su cuy’gar,” he greets in return. “After the sounds I was hearing last night I wasn’t sure I’d see you in one piece this morning.”

“Don’t be fooled. I’m held together by the Force and a prayer. My Aayl’ika does nothing in halves.”

Fox, even with the pressure of his impending conversation with his own love weighing on his shoulders, can’t help but chuckle as he steals the other Commander’s mug of caf. 

“Oya!”

Bly snatches the mug back and hot caf sloshes over the edges. The commander of the 327th makes a grunt of discomfort before leaning in and sucking the drops of spilt caf from the space between his thumb and index finger.

Fox smothers a laugh with a large bite of pastry. Bly raises an eyebrow before his eyes narrow in on Fox’s mouth.

“I know red is your color,” Bly grabs a napkin and tosses it to Fox, who catches it easily, “but I didn’t believe you were a lipstick man, regardless of color.”

One swipe across his mouth brings back a small smear of star cherry red lipstick. Mouse’s lipstick. He must have missed it in the shower.

“Since I don’t see the lovely dal I’m taking it either went very well or very poorly.”

Fox takes another swipe and places the napkin down when it comes back clean. “It’s a work in progress”

Bly gives him a serious look, the easy going manner from a moment ago pushed to the back burner.

“Tell me, vod. How do you and General Secura-“ Aayla glances up when she hears her name. Fox offers a tight smile. Bly shoots her a wink. “How do you do it?”

“Well you see Fox’ika, when a clone loves a Jedi-“

“Fierfek! Bly I’m being serious!”

“We’re honest with one another” Aayla’s smooth Ryl accent interrupts whatever comment Bly was getting ready to make. She moves gracefully over from her previous spot near Cody. The Marshal Commander has now joined his Jedi staring peacefully out across the water. Fox doesn’t doubt he’s listening in.

He isn’t sure whether he should be thankful for Secura’s intervention or not. Never having had a Jedi of his own, he still has moments where he finds their presence overwhelming. Aayla looks about as intimidating as a loth kitten this morning in leggings and a loose tunic, somehow looking incredibly chic and supremely comfortable all at once. Her eyes find his, searching for something as she sits down next to her Commander. “We’ve had to learn the finer points of communication.” She looks to Bly. Adoration is written across her delicate features as her lekku twitch happily. “We have to be able to trust each other.”

“It’s work,” Bly says, taking Aayla’s hand and placing a soft kiss along her knuckles ,“but we make it work.”

“And after the war?”

Aayla sighs. “We will cross that bridge when we come to it, but I don’t know if my loyalty can remain with the order alone. Once the Force has shown you something-“ she pauses and smiles softly at Fox, “The Force works in mysterious ways, would you agree?”

“General Secura.” Cody’s voice comes from across the veranda because - of course - he was listening, “I believe you forgot to mention respect.”

Aayla smothers a smile. “Oh yes, respect is quite important.”

Fox is very quickly beginning to feel the nonexistent walls close in around him. “Yes. Yes. “ he grumbles, “I’m a lousy di’kut.”

“You said that - not us - Commander,” General Kenobi chimes in without turning his head away from the lake spread out before him.

“Beg your pardon Generals, Commanders, but I don’t need the Force to tell me that I made a fool of myself last night.” He pushes up from his seat, stealing the caf back from Bly and finishing off the dregs. The other Commander makes a disgruntled sound. “Now, if just one of you could point me in the correct direction I have some-

“Groveling?”

“Pleading?”

“Apologizing?”

The voices all mingle together as they chime in and Fox sighs, rubbing his temple.

“Yes, all of that and then some. Just-“ he lets out an exasperated sound “-has anyone seen her?”

——-

Mouse hadn’t meant to fall asleep. Really, she’d just hoped to get away for a bit. She needed to separate herself from the faces that looked so much like his and the sad looks they’d given her as she’d picked at her breakfast.

She needed to know that Fox wasn’t just a few easy steps across the hall. She’d stood with her hands flat against the door too many times for her liking last night. It was only a few steps and she could be wrapped up in him, repercussions be damned.

Mouse wanted to pretend that her ultimatum may not end with a choice she wasn’t happy with. If Fox decided he couldn’t - or wouldn’t - do what she’d asked, well, she wasn’t sure how she’d handle it.

The field, nearly half a klik from the estate, had become a favorite over the last few months. Close enough to the waterfalls to hear the rush of water over the edge - and catch some mist on a windy day - but rarely visited by locals. It was peaceful. 

The summer grasses had easily surpassed the height of her knees weeks ago and - with a little more rain and sunshine - would soon be at her waist. For now it was just long enough to make a makeshift nest when she lay a blanket down. The green stems stood proudly around their brothers and sisters squashed by the worn quilt she spread out. 

The sun shone softly through a sea of gossamer clouds, its rays warm and soothing as she lay down with a datapad to review Padmé’s personhood bill in its entirety. Mouse couldn’t help the pull of sleep. The legalese of the document and warm kiss of sun paired with the sleeplessness from the night before had her first drowsing then, finally, blessedly sleeping sheltered from the world and her problems that lay outside her ring of softly swaying pastoral grass and millaflowers.

Her dreams begin as nothing in particular. Another blessing in disguise. Nothing bad troubles her sleep, though nothing good brings tenderness either. Instead she catches glimpses of Coruscant, of Fox and the other boys of the Guard, of a tiny green-skinned twi’lek girl. Images of Luke and Leia older and toddling around with their mother and father laughing and following behind them. Slowly, the boys are filtered out, then the Amidala-Skywalker clan, even little Me’kar fades away. All of it is gone and Mouse finds herself alone in front of a tiny cottage. It has a vegetable garden along one side and rows of flowers along the other. She hears her name whispered softly, the warm rumble of it so familiar.

“Mouse.”

“Mouse”

“Mouse.”

Her eyes flutter open, and she squints into sun spilling around a vaguely humanoid shape while her eyes attempt to adjust to the sudden change. 

“I’ve been looking all over for you.” 

Fox.

She’d know his voice anywhere. Hope springs to life in her chest. He’d come to find her. Surely that had to be a good thing, right? She moves to stand, getting as far as sitting before he makes a disgruntled sound and angles himself down and onto her blanket. She watches him look around, his head barely above the tall grasses surrounding them. His gaze moves to her discarded shoes and bare feet, slowly traveling up over her calves where her dress has ridden up in her sleep. She blinks, trying to push the residual fog of sleep from her head. Fox’s gloved hand reaches out and skims over her ankle. That electric spark she’d felt at his touch last night is still there.

“Fox?” He won’t look her in the eyes. The feeling of his touch is missed when he pulls his hand away. “Fox-“ she tries again, hiding and failing to hide the slight quiver in her voice.

He holds his hand up. “I have things to say and I need you to listen to every one. I’m- I’m not sure if you’re going to like what I have to say.”

Mouse nods slowly. He’s more his namesake now, more animal than she’s ever seen him. She moves slowly to rise to her knees, afraid the wrong move, a sudden quick one, will see him breaking away.

“I can do that,” she offers slowly. Fear at what he has to say leaves a thick knot in her stomach. “If we’re going to do this, though, I need to see your eyes. Ok?”

Fox makes another sound, a small grunt of assent as she rises on her knees and puts her hands to either side of his bucket. She releases the locks, hears the gentle hiss of release. His features are schooled when she lifts it off, but she knows her Fox. Whatever he has to say is eating at him. She can see it in the dark circles that rest underneath his eyes, the exhaustion that looks almost permanent in the soft brown eyes she adores so much. Always the caregiver, she fights the urge to pull him down, make him lay his head in her lap. She wants to card her fingers through the new growth of hair, brush through the locks that were just beginning to curl and swirl at the ends until he falls asleep. 

But she also needs to know what he has to say. She needs her answer so her heart can shatter or mend because whatever it is, there will be no in between. Not with him. Not with them.

She watches him swallow, look at the sky and the soft clouds above them before bringing his attention back to her.

“I’ve made mistakes in my life,” he begins, “Some of them widely known. You- you are the mistake I regret the most.”

Mouse attempts to turn away, but she can’t. His words- it feels like she’s watching a hover train come off the rails in slow motion. Fox glances down at his hands, squeezes them into fists.

“I-“ his eyes travel back to hers, pinning her in place “I’ve called you my precious girl more times than I can remember, because to me you are the most precious gift the maker has ever deemed fit to give me. But you're not a girl. You’re a woman,. A smart, strong, caring woman and I called you a girl. When things got hard, I treated you like one, like I had never made a mistake, like I knew what was best for the both of us.”

Mouse can see it in the little ways he moves, the clench of his fingers and the way his eyes trail to her shoulder, the scar covered by the thin summer dress, that it is taking everything for him to muscle through this.

“Fox, why are you saying this?”

“Because I need you to know.” His jaw is set in a sharp line. “I need you to know that I’ve thought about you every day since you left Coruscant, that I dream about you every night. I need you to know that I’m afraid to be around you, that even with the chip gone and that- that hut’uun,” spitting the word out as if it tastes bad in his mouth, “dead, I’m scared that it’s not enough, that someone is going to say the wrong thing and I’m going to do something you won’t come back from - and there’ll be no field of wildflowers for me to find you sleeping in, because you’ll be dead and it will be my fault”

Mouse grabs his hand, forces her fingers between his until he relents and lets her hold it. Her other reaches up, strokes along his right temple and feels the telltale ridge of scar under her fingers.

“Listen to me.” It’s a firm order and his eyes go a little wide. “You are not a bad man. You never have been. You never will be. You are the reason I’m alive. Your will, your strength kept you from making a shot I know for a fact you could make in your sleep. The scars I bear are your love brought to life.”

Fox shakes his head quickly. “That is sick, cyar’ika, you were-“ 

It’s Mouse’s turn to make a sound of discontentment as she pulls at the collar of her dress, stretching it out and down around her shoulder. “Look at it,” she demands. When he hesitates, she places his hand on it, holds it down with her own. “It’s just skin, just flesh over bone. Do you think Palpatine would have allowed me to live even if you hadn’t been the one to do it?”

Her hand slides his down to her chest where she holds it high on her left breast. “This has always been yours. Do you feel it?”

Fox’s fingers twitch over her racing heart. She had to make him see. Even if this was the last moment they were ever together, he had to leave without the guilt. “This has always been yours,” she repeats again, “You protected it and I’m alive because of it.”

Fox pulls away from her with a rough exhale, shaking his head. Mouse lowers herself, sitting on her feet, pretending she doesn’t feel the pins and needles building in them. He won’t look at her as she adjusts the neck of her dress back. She’s failed. The sudden realization hits with such certainty. She was going to lose him for good.

“You are so warm. You draw people to you and take them in, claim them as yours and care for them. You’ve never seen myself or any of the other Guard as just clones. From day one you spoke to each and every trooper you met as an individual. You’ve always tried to help and for some reason I was the one lucky enough to have you helping me. Even when I was acting like osik. Even when I was gruff and dismissive. You dealt with me-“

“-And I loved you” 

Love her head screams at her to correct but she doesn’t. Fox nods.

“Someone else will come along and they’ll love you with everything they have to give.”

Mouse feels a sharp pain in her chest and tries to turn away. Fox’s curled finger catches under her chin and brings her eyes back up to his. Mouse sees something steely in their warm depths.

“They’ll give you the world. Everything I can’t. But you know what?” He lets the question hang in the air for a moment. “I don’t want anyone else to love you. That’s my job. I don’t want to lose you and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I ever put you in a position to think otherwise.”

Relief, warm and fluid fills her veins as tears threaten at the corners of her eyes. Fox watches with slow building panic.

“I- please don’t cry.”

Mouse laughs then and leans up, capturing his lips in a chaste kiss that he doesn’t respond to immediately. When she pulls back, he looks pleasantly bewildered.

“I’m not sad.” She wipes aggressively at a tear rolling down her cheek. “These are happy.”

Fox’s hands cup her cheeks, his thumb brushing away another stray tears. “Well if that’s all…”

 He leans in and captures her mouth in another sweet, delicate kiss, pours his love into it until it’s spilling over and Mouse thinks she could happily drown in the feel of it. 

When she attempts to deepen the kiss, he pulls back. Mouse bites the inside of her cheek to stop a whine from escaping.

“My self control is negligible at this point.” Fox manages a strained laugh while he cradles her face. “I don’t want to rush-“

Mouse presses forward and kisses him hard, sharp teeth nipping just this side of painful along his lower lip. The growl she’s missed over the last few months rumbles in his chest.

When she pulls back, letting his lip slip between her teeth, she can’t help but appreciate the way his eyes have darkened. His hands fall down to her hips and he stares. Just stares into her eyes, searching for something. Mouse doesn’t look away.

“You want to do this right here?” His voice is thick with the familiar gravel of lust and Mouse feels a wave of heat ripple through her body. Right here, on the blanket in the warm sun where anyone could see. There’s a certain thrill to that thought. She swallows thickly. 

“We need to slow down,” Fox repeats.

“Are you saying that for you or me? Because I’ve been waiting months to touch you,” she admits. If possible, Fox’s eyes darken more at the admission. She’s always loved his durasteel will, but right now Mouse found it more than a little irritating. 

“Cyar’ika.” His tone is warm, but the warning underneath is very clear. Ok. Fine. She could go a bit longer. 

“Can I show you something?”

A smile pulls at the corner of his mouth as his thumbs brush small light circles over her dress. 

“I suppose it depends on what you're trying to show me.” 

Mouse leans forward and the pair meet in a slow kiss, just a soft press of their mouths that neither can seem to deny. She murmurs against his lips when she pulls back. 

“Come with me.”

——-

Link to part 2/2 here

[simp-for-mha-men]

𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕥𝕦𝕤: 𝕠𝕟𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕖 (𝕕𝕖𝕟𝕜𝕚 𝕜𝕒𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕣𝕚 𝕩 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣)

A/N: My first piece of writing! I hope that all of you enjoy it. I LOVE IT! (also a Denki stan, so ya know) I totally believe Denki is the kinda person to create friends only AND in person. Without further ado, here ya go.

Genre: fluffy fluff with mutual pining 💞

Word count: 2.3k

♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥

itzElectric has joined the chat

itzElectric: HEAR YE! HEAR YE! I SUMMON MY COMPANION @IceStorm TO CURE MY BOREDOM!

Denki Kaminari was once again on his phone, searching for the person who he began talking to only months ago in a future-hero chatroom. He remembered he slid into IceStorm’s DMs with a cheesy pick-up line: Do you know how much a polar bear weighs? Enough to break the ice. A classic one-liner he hoped wouldn’t scare the person on the other side of the screen away.

IceStorm ended up responding to the DM almost immediately, commenting on how the Titanic wouldn’t appreciate that opener. Denki knew from that simple reply that he and IceStorm were going to get along just fine.

IceStorm, whose name he later found out was (y/n), was an all around perfect human being. Seriously, they were. Denki swore to the Bakusquad that if you looked up the definition of perfect in the dictionary, (y/n)’s tag would be next to it.

Their quirk related to the online name they chose for themselves. The fact that they could not only produce ice from their body but also turn any bodies of water, like clouds or lakes, into ice was fascinating to the electric boy. He, in turn, shared his quirk with (y/n). He even sent a video of himself in full “Dumb Denki” mode, to which he received an audio clip of them laughing hysterically as a reply.

The two online friends shared everything with each other. When (y/n) broke up with their first boyfriend, they talked with Denki the entire night over voice chat. When Denki started doubting himself and his placement in UA’s hero course, the future ice hero immediately gave him a million reasons on why he was going to become a great hero.

It took Chargebolt only 3 months to realize that he had developed feelings for his online friend after sending that fateful DM. He couldn’t tell (y/n) though. No way. If he did, they would probably block him, maybe even delete their account and create a new one just to get away from him for good.

How did this happen you might ask? Well, it began when (y/n) and Denki found out they were the same age. They also both wanted to become pro-heroes, obviously. Plus, all of their interests lined up with each other. It was as if fate pulled them both together through an internet connection and an obsession with Tik Tok memes.

Snapping out of his trance, Denki realized he had been zoning out for a few minutes to recount how he met his current crush. He was so head-over-heels for a person he had only ever heard and not seen that he didn’t even check if IceStorm was online.

Doing just what his brain thought of, he clicked IceStorm’s profile in his friends list and saw what he wished to see the most. Next to a green dot read the words Status: Online, making Denki’s heart rate speed up just a bit.

Instead of waiting for more time to pass, and considering it was almost 2 AM on a Friday night, he DMed the ice maker.

itzElectric: hey.....you lowkey left me hangin in the main chat 😔

He hoped, prayed, and wished that (y/n) would respond. He wanted his partner in crime. His meme expert. His muse. He wanted another audio clip of them singing songs horribly off-key or laughing at another ridiculously stupid Tik Tok. He wanted his heart to flutter in his chest just a bit more. He wanted to feel them in person. He wanted...no, needed to video chat with (y/n).

They had known each other for a total of 8 months, and graduation was coming up for the both of them. If he could video chat with (y/n), maybe he could work up the courage and ask to meet them at the café near U.A. It had the best pastries, something that he knew they would love.

itzElectric: something up? you know you can tell me anything 

Very rarely did it take you more than a couple of seconds to respond to the blonde. It worried him. What if something had happened? What if you were doubting yourself? What if you had gotten injured? What if you were--

Suddenly, his phone vibrated. He never had picked it up faster in his life. As he looked down at the message he had just sent, he felt his face heat up slightly when he read your response.

IceStorm: nah nothing’s wrong. was someone worried about me? lol 🥴

He was so happy you couldn’t see his blushing face. However, little did he know the reason you didn’t meet him in the chat room was because you were thinking about what to say. Also, you were blushing as well.

Going to Shiketsu was a big deal, and you never wanted to get distracted. When you met itzElectric online, everything changed. You began developing feelings. It was an issue, but it was a very, very good issue. You had never seen his face. All you wanted to do was video chat with him. If you could video chat with Denki, maybe you could work up the courage and ask to meet him at the café near U.A. It had the best frappes, something that you knew he would love.

You felt your heart rate pick up when Denki responded to your previous message.

itzElectric: obviously. if you died or something, who would make me feel better about myself? 👉🏻👈🏻🥺

Denki began questioning his latest reply. It sounded clingy, he thought. He might as well have just dug his own grave. Who would say something like that?

IceStorm: awwww is my bb giving me a compliment 💘

Your heart soared with emotion. This man, separated by a screen, was your world. You could never have him, though. If you did, he would get freaked out. Besides, you knew he was a flirt with how many pick-up lines he got your opinion on. 

itzElectric: well.....since your online, i wanted to ask you something kinda important

Denki knew he shouldn’t be typing anything to them. He knew that this could make or break their entire relationship. In a couple minutes, he might be blasting The One That Got Away by Katy Perry and crying. Despite this, he waited for (y/n)’s reply.

IceStorm: sure. what’s up?

itzElectric: i feel like we have a pretty strong connection....so can we maybe see each other

You might as well have gone into cardiac arrest. This man, the man you’ve had a crush for 4 months, just asked you to meet him. Or was it a video chat request? Maybe just pictures? You needed clarification before you freaked out even more.

IceStorm: what do you mean? like in person or....?

Denki froze. In person? YOU wanted to meet HIM in person? That did not catch him off guard. No, totally not. It punched, kicked, and threw him off guard. That wasn’t suppose to happen. He wanted to video chat then meet up with you. Could this happen out of order?

IceStorm: yo....pika? gonna answer me? 

The electric boy typed before his brain could tell him to stop what he was doing.

itzElectric: can you video chat right now?

He wanted exactly what you wanted. The months of banter over chat and stupid voice memos led up to this, but you couldn’t believe it. The two of you could never be together. Denki had to have a girlfriend or boyfriend. There’s no way a catch like him would still be single. Still, you typed your response out immediately.

IceStorm: yes

Your phone began vibrating profusely due to the incoming call. In the moment, you forgot to turn on any lights. Leaping out of your bed, you scrambled to turn on the lamp that was on your desk. You then turned on the one next to the bed. Then, you did the unthinkable: you answered the call.

When the phone stopped ringing, Denki saw you. Oh my All Might.....why didn’t he do this sooner? He was floored by your looks. You were even better than perfect. Your face held a soft expression that made him turn almost as red as a tomato. Your hair complemented the irises of your eyes beautifully. It was as if you weren’t even human. You were just an angel visiting him for a brief moment.

You were seeing him in the same light. His blonde hair and bright yellow eyes made a fire ignite in your heart. He held a goofy grin, one you had imagined many nights before falling asleep. However, you were very far off. His entire persona was fixated in that grin. It was absolutely phenomenal.

“Hi,” you started, letting out a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding.

“Hey,” he responded.

Denki was speechless. You were enamored. This was everything you both wanted.

“So,” you began, “should I call you Denki or itzElectric?”

“Whatever you want.”

Denki wasn’t using his brain anymore. It was as if he short-circuited himself without using his quirk. He was responding to everything you said from his heart. It was all out of love for you.

You giggled a bit, bringing the electricity user back to his senses.

“Why all of this suddenly?” you questioned.

“I wanted to see you.”

“Really?”

“No. I,” Denki paused and inhaled, “I needed to see you. To hear you. To just be with you.”

Your face became flushed as if you had been training for the past 5 hours. The guy you had fallen so hard for needed to see you? He wasn’t acting flirty or overly comedic. He was peaceful and had a glint in his eye. Could it be--?

“D-dude! You can’t just s-say things like that,” you stammered in the best voice possible.

Denki was whipped for you. He glanced at the clock and realized it was 2:18. He needed to be up at 7 for a morning run with Kirishima. He’s run on no sleep before from talking to you all night, but tomorrow was going to be a strenuous training day. He had to get everything off of his chest.

“Listen,” Denki said, “(y/n), I really--”

“N-no. Just w-wait a minute,” you cut in.

Two very different emotions coursed through you both. You felt a sense of purpose, bordering on the edge of extreme shyness. Denki felt nervous, bile already threatening his throat.

“I like you,” you stated.

His eyes grew the size of dinner plates. You did not just say that. He just had too much caffeine before bed. Wait, he didn’t have anything with caffeine before bed. 

“L-like as m-more than a friend. You’re really cool, and I want to see you,” you ended.

When you realized he hadn’t said anything, you panicked. Trying to cover up your embarrassment, you just started spewing out word vomit.

“You know what? Forget I said anything. It’s clear that you are totally not ready to talk about that. I mean you probably have someone else in mind, right? I’m not the best looking. My jokes are subpar. I mean, I’m not even that confi--”

“In person?”

“Wait...what?”

“Do you want to see me in person?” Denki asked.

He was floored. The person, who he had feelings for, liked him back. For the first time in his life, the pick-up lines and corny jokes worked. He was truly himself and still got the prize: love.

“Yes,” you replied. “I really, really want to see you in person.”

“You can on one condition.”

You tilted your head, clearly confused by his statement. He chuckled at this and continued talking.

“You have to let me hold your hand.”

“What?”

“I like you too, IceStorm.”

Your online username coming out of his mouth made you smile so wide. It also could’ve been the fact that the guy you fell so hard for reciprocated your feelings.

“Want to meet at the café near your school on Sunday? At around 1?” you blurted, hoping that wouldn’t be too soon for him.

“Absolutely. Speaking of which,” he began, “I need to test out my newest pick-up line.”

You rolled your eyes, faking distaste, but on the inside, you wanted nothing more than to hear it. After all, he felt the same way about you. It was bound to make your heart soar even more now.

“Do you like coffee?” he smirked. “Because I like you a latte.”

You couldn’t help bursting out in laughter and blushing profusely. He, in turn, laughed with you and felt butterflies in his stomach. This continued for a couple of minutes before both of you could catch your breaths and refocus yourselves on the conversation.

You were ecstatic. He was elated. You actually did it. You admitted your feelings to the one guy you never thought you could have. You were everything to him. He would electrocute the whole world just for you to smile if necessary. It was as if fate had finally done its job.

Forgetting about his morning run with Kirishima, Denki started a new conversation about the latest Tik Tok he saw. You replied with your usual sarcasm to which he pretended to be mortified by your opinion.

It went on for hours. The two of you were genuinely happy. Hopefully, Denki would ask you on a date soon. Maybe, you might have to, but who knows.

Suddenly, in the midst of talking about plans after high school, a knock sounded on Denki’s door. He glanced at the clock and realized it was Kirishima.

“Be out in few!” he yelled, jumping out of bed.

He threw his phone down, which still had the call going, and got dressed at lightning speed. Once you had calmed down from laughing at his urgency, he picked up the phone and said something you’ll never forget.

“I’ll see you soon, my wonderful snowflake. Zapping out!”

[russian-romanova]

these trying times

title: these trying times

pairing: peter parker

warnings: adult language, mentions of coronavirus in new york

notes: a little quarantine something for you. 

summary: life has always been hard for peter, but somehow it’s been even worse these past few months. 

+     +    +

Spiderman had taken to wearing a mask as he swung through the streets of New York City.

He didn’t really need one, both you and Peter knew that. The suit was designed in a way that air was safely filtered and there was no way germs would be getting in or out, but it was the public image of it all. Peter had called you with the idea a few weeks ago, hoping that if a superhero wore a mask to patrol the streets of New York, then maybe people would catch on and do the same.

People did notice. It made the front page of a handful of newspapers, but not with the effect Peter always wanted. Some were good, ‘Spiderman in the Time of Covid-19’ and ‘Spiderman Shows Support With a Face Mask.’ But some were twisting it into some idea that he was sick, or he was worried about the germs. Peter was scared, sure, but so was the rest of the world, and he never wanted for Spiderman to look scared. 

A few kids really took off with the idea, which made Peter happy. Really, he felt so much better about his fellow citizens when he saw them wearing masks around town. He had a few built up at this point, and he realized really quickly that he needed a ‘Spiderman stack’ and a separate ‘Peter Parker stack’ so he wasn’t wearing the same three in the newspaper and walking to grab groceries for Aunt May. 

Somehow, the worst part of it was how much he missed you.

Sure, he FaceTimed you a lot, and you had also both taken to using Zoom because there was something that seemed to cheer you both up about the picture of Joe Exotic with a tiger that Peter had put as his background. You liked to rotate out memes and pictures of Spiderman from across the internet to remember Peter how much people cared about him. Really, all he could think about was about how much you cared about him. 

But there was no more of the night time swing-bys. He knew that he was probably covered in New York’s germs and he hesitated to come anywhere near you. There was no chatting during school, no walking to get sandwiches or doing homework. Every now and then you would text him a question from a pre-calc assignment, but that wasn’t the same either. There was no wearing his Midtown pullover, not now and maybe not for a while in the future. No hugs, no kisses, just distance. 

Peter had gotten good at shoving all of that aside in front of the camera. It was lunch, or at least what you had dubbed as your lunch hour as you took a break from school. It was a good break from school as you FaceTimed, your phone propped up on your desk so you could watch Peter eat his sandwich and talk about the random shit that came to mind. 

“I got an alto recorder,” You blurted out as it came into your memory. “Last night. My mom ordered it off of Amazon.”

“Seriously? Cool. Like a fourth-grader recorder?” Peter missed the excitement that would have radiated from you in an actual face to face conversation, now lost in the screen. 

You nodded, bringing your hand up to your mouth to finish chewing your chips before adding, “Yeah, but it’s bigger and a little deeper. But essentially I’ve reverted back to my elementary school years, yeah.”

“Same! I started listening to all those old Five Nights at Freddy’s songs. Those used to be the only things I listened to in like, fifth grade.” 

“Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! And the ones with weird animations-”

“Art! They were art!” Peter laughed, leaning forward, and having to cough to stop himself from choking.” You laughed at his cough, which made him smile, but then there was silence. You looked at Peter for a moment, debating a question you could ask him or not. He could read it on your face as clear as day, but he wouldn’t push it. Frankly, he was just as happy watching you think and look back at him cheesily. 

“Pete… You’re being safe, right? At night?” You said softly and regretted the question the moment it came out of your mouth. 

Peter froze for a moment. “Oh, um, of course. I mean, as careful as I can be.”

“Right. I know. I guess I’m just really worried about you. There’s no social distancing in the life of a superhero, right?” 

Peter laughed a little, more of a sad chuckle. “Yeah. But there are fewer people doing bad stuff. It’s a lot more chill than it used to be.” 

You nodded. “Okay, good. No, I just wanted to be sure. Forget I mentioned it.” You looked down at your sweatpants to fiddle with the string.

“Oh, okay,” Peter said. He didn’t really want to move on, he wanted to make sure that you didn’t worry about him too much. But you looked uncomfortable with the topic and-

“You done anything else fun? That I haven’t heard about?” You blurted out. 

Peter was stunned at the change of pace for a moment. “No, not much. Lots of YouTube. Unus Annus, Tik Tok compilations, the works.”

“I still don’t understand why you refuse to get the actual app instead of watching them through YouTube.” You chuckled. 

Peter shook his head. “It’s the point of it all. I refuse to do the renegade or whatever.”

“You can have the app and not renegade,” You pushed a cookie in your mouth. “I mean, I just have it for the memes. Minimal dancing.” 

“I guess we’ll see how bored I get.” Peter looked down at his sandwich. His mind lingered on the topic of his safety as Spiderman, and how it worried you. God, he knew that you were already worried about the general superhero thing, but now to be worried about the stupid virus on top of it? You shouldn’t have to worry. You had enough on your shoulders.

Any other time, he would have waited until patrolling to swing around to your place and chat with you for a while. But it wasn’t any other time, it was now. Now sucked, and he’d have to make do, and Peter hated that. He hated not being able to see you every day, and he hated not being able to hug you. If he had to give up kissing, he would (although it would be pretty hard), but your hugs were the Goddamn best. He missed them more than he missed walking without a mask, more than he missed school or normalcy. He missed you. 

That night was silent. It should have come as a relief, but he was too worried to be relieved. He hated thinking about why it could have been so quiet. 

Peter looked up at the moon and the stars and realized that he never thought it would be this quiet at night. If he had brought himself for a year ago up to this moment, he would have thought it was the coolest thing. The sky and the stars and silence. But he wasn’t in awe now. He was scared.

Peter Parker was terrified. 

And no shit, so was everyone. But there was something in him that said Spiderman shouldn’t be scared. Spiderman is tough and not like everyone else, he rises above all else with no fear and a million other things that weren’t realistic no matter who told him. 

Peter needed something to get his mind off of it. He needed to think of something other than dumb coronavirus, and he needed peace. Real peace. Hope would be nice.

He shot his arm out and swung towards your place. 

Peter -- or, Spiderman, rather -- chose a spot on the apartment buildings parallel to yours to hang from, his webs holding him so that he had a free hand and a view of your window. He was six feet away, he was distanced, and he hoped he wasn’t being creepy. God, please don’t look creepy.

Peter pulled out his cracked little phone and typed three messages to you:

(this is stupid)

(but, uh)

(open your window???)

Then he waited for a moment and put his phone away. There was a pause, filled with a noise of a breeze cooling down the block for an instant before the window to your room pushed open. 

“Holy shit, hey.” You blurted out when you noticed him hanging from the building across from you. “Nice mask, Spiderman.”

“Thanks!” He waved at you with his free hand. “I just… uh,” He cleared his throat. “I just really wanted to see you.”

You smiled softly. “Well, that works out because I wanted to see you too.”

“Oh, cool,” Peter said softly. “I have to go soon, I just wanted to see you.” He shook his head at the repeated words. 

You just laughed it off. “Clearly.”

There was a silence between you two, but a nice silence. Comfortable. You looked at each other with so much love and hope that none of the other shit mattered. It was going to be okay. 

“We’ll get through this,” Peter shouted, before adding after a moment, “I miss you.”

You beamed back. “I miss you even more.” 

And maybe you did, but maybe the amount was lost in how much everyone missed everything. You missed holding his hand and chatting as you walked home. 

“Hey, Spiderman!” You had to catch yourself from calling him Peter. “Thanks for giving me hope.” 

He smiled under his suit. 

Everyone missed something, so you supposed you were lucky to have all that you missed outshined so much by simply seeing the boy that brought you so much hope. 

[seasidepickup]

get to know your mutuals!

rules: list five (5) things about yourself you want your followers to know. they can be as simple as your age or as complex as your deepest fear. when you’re done, tag ten (10) people you want to get to know better!

1) i typed this entire thing out in my drafts then pressed the x instead of save button so i’m gonna try to remember what i said (i have rly bad memory lolz) ok so i’ve regressed to my elementary school obsession the past few months so i’ve basically been living and breathing harry potter in every way, it’s taken over my tik tok fyp (NOT complaining) and i pretty much rewatch the movies every week, i don’t really remember much from the books bc i haven’t read them since like 3rd grade but some good came outta this bc weirdly enough it introduced me to …

2)reality shifting!!! yeah so thank tik tok for this bc that’s how i found out about it but i found out about this from harry potter tik tok a few months ago (and have been researching since so if anyone has questions feel free to ask i love talking about this) and basically the idea is that you shift your consciousness through either astral projecting or another type of method to your desired reality and that can be literally anything, i’ve done it a few times and haven’t stayed very long but it’s probably the best thing i’ve learned in my entire life, (i get that to some people this might sound crazy and if you told me about it last year i would’ve thought the same thing but the more you know i guess just keep an open mind)

3)i’m not really practicing islam anymore but i still have to wear the hijab so that’s kinda awkward haha

4)biggest fear is probably the ocean or just big bodies of water... lol

5) i’m palestinian but have never been to palestine </3 i have been to amman tho and that’s like a second home so i’m hoping to just move there for a little maybe take a gap year after i graduate so we’ll see how that goes

i was tagged by @malogranatrea <3 hope at least some of this made sense

tags: @bintimombasa @justanotherveganmuslim @shiizaaaa @theheartofawoman @youj1n @lovesongsintherain @breathiing-art @2meis @flowerrss @chasingsoleil

[mmagazinemoment]

Why my past loves make me want to look into nihilism as a lifestyle.

Good morning, midday, afternoon, or evening to you my fellow queers and allies and plain and simply gorgeous humans. You see I have already written another version of this edition but instead I have a pure heroine filled piece instead, and you may not be ready for it because it covers a few serious points but it’s also the (fuck your ex) vibe, not literally…unlesssssss * insert meme*. Thanks for joining me again my loves

 Why my past loves make me want to look into nihilism as a lifestyle

You ever just meet someone and fall completely into their arms and become almost a complete and utter 3rd leg of the other? What I mean in all seriousness is, don’t you ever feel like the love game grows on you like a drug addiction and I know some of you will see this and be thinking? What do you mean “the love game” I know it’s not a game, a figure of speech as such. Basically, what I’m trying to say is have you ever loved someone so much that you didn’t see the signs of detrimental dysfunction.

Wow that all sounds so serious, let me dial it down a little, I’m just trying this new thing called being uncensored and not caring about preconceived notions of myself from external eyes. Months ago, I was shattered into a million pieces and I won’t blame just him because it was my fault for thinking every relationship or whatever it was, was going to end up like a tv romance, no that’s a lie. I over invested and blamed him for hurting my own self, sure he had something to do with it, but he wasn’t just to blame. Can’t tell me I don’t know how to take accountability (wow I’m funny).

For instance, in a movie you meet and lock eyes with someone and the breeze grasps your hair, when I met said person, I was like ‘omg he’s tall, I’m going to fall in love with a giraffe’ and then I tried to build a home in him, without the investment and time taken to be careful with my time and words of affirmation in efforts to receive reciprocation I never got unless it was backhanded or what I wanted to hear. So how did you perceive your first love? Did he/she/they look pleasing? Or was it the scent of their perfume or cologne? Did they dress in a floral vintage outfit or was it a suit and tie? Ballet flats or sneakers? Tell me? I want to know all of the juicy details!

I know some of you probably didn’t ask or ever want to know but my first love happened in a series of me closing doors journeying through my uneasy sexuality labelling and let’s be real, fuck labels am I right? (unless you find comfortability and closure under a label and with that you’re perfectly valid), Love to me was like heroine and in some senses it still is. When I first learnt of love, it didn’t feel like love, it felt like obligation, perhaps a trend. Love felt like learning all he moves to a Tik Tok dance as fast as possible before the hype disappeared, and it became irrelevant again, questionable reference point but blame social media not me. I was never satisfied.

Keep in mind this was 15-year-old me, trying to gain some sense of validation to seem a little less repressed and not confused because before 15 year old me realised that 12 year old me wasn’t as weird as I thought.  I was under this veil of non-transparency and speaking on the subject of transparency I must tell you 12 was the year of age I realised that I wasn’t like the other boys at school, just swooning for girls and getting scared of cooties, I was just begging to be seen by whoever had eyes to care. Sounds dramatic I know.

Nobody was ever there to tell me at such a young age that there were others like me, “different”, the type of boy who watched rebel without a cause and felt weird when James Dean was looking so gorgeous and composed in that leather jacket or admiring Tim Curry when he dressed like no man I’d ever seen on a movie screen in or even real life in the Rocky Horror Show, something sparked in… me. I started on the smallest step I knew, acknowledgement, I knew I could find a home in the fact that there were more people like me, and wow I was right. I was finding comfort in what I knew, I found a few gorgeous women and obviously because of my age we thought that holding hands and a peck on the cheek was all we needed in life from the label of ‘relationship’, but it was only ever a weekly process. Anytime I found ‘love’ I wouldn’t know what to do with it without the chase, like a dog chasing a bone. Even to this day I have never had a successfully long relationship but at least these days it’s not because of my toxic traits, I like to think I’ve grown a considerate amount since I was 15. Don’t get me wrong, neither of those experiences were love? How could they be?

Ironically love happened even ‘after’ I was in a relationship. I had another relationship when I was 17, it lasted a little longer than the prior, it went for a month and a half, I was convinced I loved her, so sappy but you wanted transparency right? I have a lot of it. After that, my ex brought to attention after she cheated on me that I was using her as a sort of beard to cover up the truth about myself, I never knew how to perceive myself until then and that was only the second step, there was so much more to cover.

Skip forward past a few experiences leading up the near current, I met someone, a sort of fleeting romance, now (forewarning, this gets sappy) we talked for a few weeks if my memory isn’t hazy, and we quickly developed something no short of a connection. FaceTime after FaceTime I’d gather more and more pictures of his goofy face and at one stage, I thought I was going to be happy for the foreseeable future, then came reality. You can’t be loved by someone who doesn’t want to face themselves and you can’t help them anymore than what you’re capable of giving out. I didn’t listen to that, naturally things just got worse, and I hated everything…

He would apologise, I would validate his actions to friends who were concerned and realising that I was getting too soon attached and it wasn’t going to end well and I copped the consequences, I still have only recently not found regret in messing up this badly because if I didn’t make that mistake then I would’ve just witnessed those mistakes I made in the lap of somebody else and this is where the saying goes, better the devil you known then the devil you don’t. let me tell you it did more than a number on my mental health before I added up the reasons as tallies against us and internalised what I should’ve subtracted (hehe see what I did there). In all seriousness I wanted the thrill, I sure as hell got one.

Your mental health is amplified by your lifestyle choices and the people you choose to keep in your circle, friendship, or relationships regardless, the whole thing was out of whack and a tornado was nothing less than the accurate definition of where I was at, and it hurt a lot but sometimes it’s best to leave that situation if that person who you thought was going to be there for a while and a necessity to your life ends up being the detriment. (as Ashley Frangipane said) “its crazy when the thing you love the most is the detriment, let that sink in”.  

 If there is one piece of advice that I want whoever sees this to take with them it’s this, Keep your space sacred baby, you only have one life, but also please do not criticize yourself for getting caught in the motion sickness, sometimes you just can’t avoid it and that’s ok. Life is not a movie, life is more like the behind the scenes extra that puts everything into perspective, it’s rational and shows the hard work put in place to make the art and you should remind yourself as such. Remember also that if you cannot cope with all of the stress that presents itself in your life, that there are people that are equipped to help you hold some of the baggage for you until you are ready to take it back and analyse it. Whatever your grief is, I assure you, you’re not alone.

As always, stay healthy and strut your shit and I cannot stress this enough but keep raging against the machine and the super straights xoxo without the gossip girl, farewell until the next piece of The Mantra Magazine. *keep this in mind* next issue will be a little forward, it will include themes of segregation and war regarding the families of the Palestinians and Israeli conflicts happening right now. So, bring some tissues and an open mind. Farewell.

[searchforthescars]

amanda, do you have any advice for someone who's just moved out for college? i moved out 2 weeks ago (i was supposed to move in the fall when school started but covid) & idk i feel so?? lonely? or sad, i guess? i'm a freshman & i was super excited leading up to it, but i got here & i'm in an apartment with 5 strangers & i'm overwhelmed with how many adulting things i need to do, like groceries & laundry & cooking. i always thought i was pretty independent at home & i've also been away for 1/?

summer programs or events for a week, 2 months, etc. so it's not like i've never been away from home before & don't know how to cook or do laundry or stuff like that. idk. i don't get why i feel like this & so overwhelmed (also, i think now i get why most freshman move into the dorms instead of going straight to an apartment haha). my roommates seem nice too, i just don't know them that well yet. i feel kind of silly & pathetic & baby-ish about this since i know i'm so lucky to be able 2/?

to move out, but mostly i just miss home & wanna go back to my parents & siblings & cats, especially since i don't have any friends here yet & can't meet any cause of covid. i'm 18 but i feel so much younger & it's kind of hard to believe that i'm 18?? like ahhhh i'm an adult??? when did that happen?? anyway, i'm sure it'll get better (or at least i'm telling myself it will), but idk what to do in the meantime. any advice?

Hey, kiddo!!

First of all, congrats on moving out -- I’m really proud of you for taking the next right step toward your future. You’re doing great <3

Second, don’t you dare think this is something you’re alone in experiencing; although it can feel incredibly isolating and terrifying, I promise that everyone has felt this way the first time they moved out of their parent’s/guardian’s home. I sure as hell did, and I was 20 with a college degree!!! There’s no shame in it, and I’m proud of you for being able to verbalize your struggles and reach out for help.

These are a few things that helped me when I was living on my own for the first time -- if I had known all this going in, rather than learning as I went, I would’ve had a much better time of it, so I hope these help <3 But if you have any questions or thoughts, my DMs are seriously always open to you, on- or off-anon. You deserve help and support and I’m honored to be trusted <3

Get yourself on a routine. Tbh, half of the reason why things feel daunting (at least in my experience) is that they feel nebulous. To combat that vis a vis household tasks like cooking, cleaning and laundry, I’d recommend setting up a weekly or monthly schedule. Look at your class schedule and any other commitments and figure out which weekday is best for you to do laundry, which nights you could meal-prep for the days ahead, and which weeks you’ll be cleaning your areas of the apartment. Jotting those down or putting some notifications in your phone calendar will help you a) remember to do those things and b) rest in the knowledge that you’ve given yourself some structure. If you feel you’ll struggle with actually doing those things, ask a roommate to be your accountability partner! They live with you, so they likely have a vested interest in you doing those things, and will certainly be happy to help out!

Give yourself something to look forward to. Missing your family is so hard, so plan when your next trip home will be. Plan a movie night or another activity with your roommates (in my opinion, PowerPoint Night is an absolute winner -- y’all can take turns presenting about literally any topic you want and it’s a great way to get to know people and what they’re passionate about (or passionately against).) 

Get a tiiiiny bit social. It’s really hard with COVID, and I know it’s also anxiety-inducing to be The New Kid, but even something as simple as attending a Zoom event hosted by a campus organization can give you a little bit of social engagement -- if nothing else, you’re hearing voices outside of your own and your roommates’! There are also a lot of Discord servers out there for video game friends, students, fandom folks, pretty much anything; the platform offers a streaming function, which many people take advantage of and can be a great way to engage with other people around something you both love. Having that little bit of enrichment is really helpful and goes a long way in making you feel less isolated.

Do something with your hands. Find a tactile sort of hobby - drawing, painting, bullet journaling, digital art, collaging, etc. - and do it regularly. I bullet journal, make stickers, and collage the New York Times Sunday paper once a week. Doing something with your hands regularly is a good way to get your creative juices going and help the time go by, and it often is therapeutic as well.

Exercise regularly. I can’t tell you how helpful it is to get moving. It seriously is good for your mind and body, and you’ll feel motivated to do other things once you work out. I didn’t exercise for the first three months I lived alone and lemme tell you, when I started again, there was a marked difference in my mental health. Go for regular walks around the neighborhood, or if there’s space in your apartment to do some simple bodyweight workouts, the Nike Training app has great free guided workouts under 20 minutes. There are also workout videos free on YouTube, everything from strength training to cardio set to popular Tik Tok songs. I like to exercise about 30-45 minutes a day but YMMV

Treat yourself. I ran myself hard and ragged when I lived alone because I didn’t have anyone to encourage me to do otherwise. Even though you have roommates, it can still be easy to feel like you’re just ships passing in the night and that the accountability they provide extends to chores or other space-sharing ventures. So hold yourself accountable for doing one kind thing for yourself every day. Eat a piece of chocolate. Splurge on a coffee once a month. Buy a book you want to read. Do little things to treat yourself because you can, judgement-free! You’re your own boss now!

I hope these help a little bit!!! It can be really overwhelming and scary to be where you are but I promise, you are farther along than you think you are, simply because you can recognize and articulate these feelings and are reaching out for help. I’m proud of you and sending you all my love -- if you need anything, you got it. I’m here for you <3

[idiots-stick-together]

����𝒽𝒾𝓁𝒹𝒽𝑜𝑜𝒹 𝒲𝑜𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓇𝓈 𝐼

Headcannon/Shortstory: The Candy Shop: Lemonhead!

How you met Toga + started a ‘relationship’!

•  Warnings: Blood (duh), Violence, Stalking  •

Fluff (🍯) [’fluff’ in Toga’s definition]

❤️️ Reader Type: Feminine (She/Her/They/Them), Any race, is 15! ❤️️

Near the busted buildings decorated with broken glass and rats, was a little shop that sold candy, “Childhood Wonders” This shop is run by a grandfather that would do anything for his family. Though, with pesty kids stealing his candies, business is being put in financial turmoil. The local kids have been stealing POUNDS of candy every week. However, what can a 68-year-old do? Call his grandchild for help of course! He had to bribe them with a few bucks, but she’s here now, and armed with a broom! 

But...they might have a weakness for blondes...

-Meeting her:

🩸 After you bop the stubborn kids on the head with the broom, they finally dropped the candy and ran! Like the cowards they are!

🔪 However, if you thought the rounds of kids were done...ya’ might wanna recheck the left side of your brain, because you might need to bop common sense back into it.

🩸 After collapsing into the chair behind the counter, the sound of glass shattering energizes you up again! You get the half-functional broom and rush over there.

🔪 The blonde slowly turns around with smeared chocolate around her lips and hands. After you tighten the grip of your thief-repellent-weapon, you STRIKE!

🩸...out. You struck out...ya’ might of got your shit rocked...this chick has strength!

🔪 You cover your stomach to feel a wet spot developing, red and dripping onto the floor...ah...uh oh. Yup, issa knife.

🩸 Your heart is racing, yet you don’t and can’t back down! This is your livelihood! This shop has helped the whole family, plus your grandpa isn’t here right now. So, someone has to handle this situation!

🔪 Luckily, you have a quirk! You ‘disappear’. She is swiping all around her now. You run around her and strike!

🩸 You both paint the floors with smooshed chocolates and rolling gumballs. The place is trashed, as you both fight. The bastard even bites you a couple of times!

🔪 After a while, you both are bruised and bleeding, yet she doesn’t give up! However, you don’t really have a choice but to collapse.

🩸 She stares down at you and blanks a couple of times, before dropping a lot of candy onto your face. She still takes a couple of pieces of candies though.

🔪 You push yourself up enough to hold onto her legs and dig into her legs with your nails. She will tumble down a bit and try to kick you.

🩸 FINALLY, THE COPS APPEAR FROM THE ALARMS IN THE STORE. You release her as the cops rush into the building. She rushes out the building through the back door.

🔪 Some cops will put pressure on the cuts and gashes. Your grandpa was called and you were mindfucked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Acquaintances:

🩸 Now, weeks have passed and you were home recovering. Though, with your luck, your grandpa was sick. So, you stepped up and took care of the shop again. However, you came prepared! Yes, even you use knives!

🔪 After a few minutes, a blonde girl stands at the door. She has high knee socks on with holes, her skirt was a school skirt, and her shirt was covered in dirt. She smirks at you with her hands in her pockets.

🩸 You lock the door and flick her off. She stares at you for hours...seriously...the whole shift.

🔪 You stay on the phone with the cops and eagle watch her. Yet, she does nothing. When the cops arrive, she leaves.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your Stalker...:

🩸 Every shift, you get chills. After giving some homeless kids some candy, something your grandpa disagrees with, the blonde is back! In front of you...

🔪 Before getting your phone, she slams candy onto the counter. She stares at you with a blank stare. You slowly grab the candy. She leaves the shop...this becomes a routine.

🩸 Apparently, this candy is from this store, yet you will never know where she gets this from....why steal from here and not eat the stolen goods??

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Friend?:

🔪 After this action, the store starts to see an improvement in income. Especially since you and her scare off the thieves! Yup, TOGETHER. How did this happen? You don’t know.

🩸 She is helping the business out now...yet she is still creepy. She stands behind you and breathes down your neck sometimes.

🔪 Now, you start to notice your boyfriends/girlfriends ‘disappearing’. Also, your crushes avoiding the hell out of you. Is it because you are unattractive...? Who knows! Toga knows! 👀

🩸 She starts to slowly become a business partner and friend??? A friend that comforts you through each “breakup”. A friend that asks to drink your blood and taste your blood...you pass this as a joke until you see her eyes darken...

🔪 Also, you notice your missing clothes from the house, especially your panties!?! Oh, also your open window, every night. Even when you lock it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your Friend! (and personalized ‘sleep buddy’ COUGH-stalker...):

🩸 Ever feel lonely? Not anymore! She is always with you in the shop...and around the city, but you don’t need to know that!

🔪 Since the business is succeeding more than ever, your grandpa finally met her. If you dare to tell him about who injured you months ago, she will stab you. Maybe even sabotage your grandpa’s business. So, you keep quiet...yet, were you even gonna tell on her in the first place?? Isn’t she your friend...?

🩸 Your grandpa lets you and her have a sleepover at his house. She takes your clothes, as she doesn’t bring anything with her. You’ll have to share your toothbrush too! So...good luck with cleaning your toothbrush.

🔪 Your grandpa will definitely questions her lifestyle. She wouldn’t respond. 

🩸 Also, you HAVE to share a shower with her, you don’t have a choice. She will behave and even compliment your body.

🔪 When you try to guide her around the house, she says “I know!” and walks into your room. She even places her dirty clothes into my laundry basket, the one that is in my closet, your closed closet...ok...

🩸 When you two are getting ready to go to bed, she will cuddle the hell out of you. If you need to get something, she’ll get it for you, with her hand gripping onto yours. Need to pee? TOO BAD.

🔪 Snack wrappers will be covering you two. Which would knock you out, but she will keep bothering you until she gets a goodnight kiss. A kiss on the cheek will send her up a wall! Lips? You wanna smash?!? (She’s joking! Unless...) But, seriously she is extremely happy on both offers.

🩸 When you have to go to school, she will help you get ready. She will claim to be from your school, you give her a spare uniform and go to class with her. Your grandpa will be suspicious, but won’t question it. Each class will be with her!

🔪 The teachers are confused...yet her name is on the role...so yeahhh...you don’t have any space anymore.

🩸 She is crushing your hand as you talk to your friends. Yet, they like her! She is entertaining and rebellious but protective of you. Any bullies? They are on the news being reported as dead. You definitely question that. She shrugs and ignores this conversation.

🔪 Your friends are now her friends! You all form a group that dances to Tik-toks and laughs at trash memes. You all create an Instagram account for her, “(Y/N)’sWife” She can’t help but tease you if you blush. Your friends join in and eventually actually ship you too!

🩸 She posts you a lot on her Instagram, she makes edits of you as well. Oh yeah, she uses your phone to do all of this. Since she doesn’t have a phone. Or house. Or family...

🔪 Yeahhhh, she finally opens up to you completely when her feelings are overflowing for you~

🩸 After learning that she is homeless, you question how she is in school without someone over 18. She uses fake IDs and documents to enter schools. Well, that’s...depressing.

🔪 You can’t leave her in this condition! So, your grandpa adopts her! But, her feelings are conflicted now...you are one of her family members now. Yet, she can’t see you in that way, she loves you. Do you love her???

🩸 When she hits you with that question, you freeze. No matter how you respond, she will either be ecstatic and smother you with kisses, or blankly stare at you and push harder. You will eventually understand that you love her. You just need a push...you will break.

Hers:

🔪 Flowers will be an everyday accessory! She will cover your room in half-dead flowers, she expects kisses for this effort.

🩸 Your grandpa will have already seen this coming, he was like “finally.”

🔪 Dates are usually ending in you two running from the cops, she might have tried to rob a flower shop for you...

🩸 You definitely slap her upside her head, but she keeps causing trouble, “ACCEPT MY LOVE!” as she hands you the head of someone that didn’t give you the right condiments for your sandwich.

🔪 Her murderous tendencies are very apparent...but it’s for you. It’s always for you. So, is it really bad??

🩸 If you have periods, she will be massaging your stomach, hold a heating pad against your stomach, kiss the tears off your face, run to the store to grab pads, and help you keep hydrated and fed. Even if her pancakes are uncooked, her bacon is burnt, and her eggs are bland, it’s made out of love!

🔪 She gets along with your grandpa easily, you haven’t seen your grandpa smile and laugh this much before. You three have movie nights and cook together sometimes. Toga may cry if he praises her. Please don’t tease her or mock her for that, she was never really shown love growing up.

🩸 You two are lovely-dovely everywhere, even if PDA doesn’t make you comfortable. She will force you onto her lap or cuddle you shamelessly.

🔪 The school is completely annoyed, yet your friends keep hyping you two up. You two even have a Tik-Tok following, 5k. You two are the “It” couple!

🩸 Before bed Toga makes sure to tell you how much she loves you. Please do the same, she is devoted to you!

🔪 After a couple of months, she will try to be intimate with you. If you don’t want that, she will NEVER force you into that act. If you do want that, you will be covered in cuts and love bites. Your grandpa might try to put mosquito repellent on you. 

🩸 When you are almost done with high school, she will become more distant and secretive.

🔪 After laying in complete silence, she will confess to a mistake.

🩸 You will be staring at her with your heart racing. Cheating?? Lost interest??? Nope, she joined the L.O.V.

🔪 Oh...that’s it??? She will be surprised by that reaction. I mean she KILLS people, this isn’t the most surprising news. Yet, you will try to convince her to complete school and achieve higher goals.

🩸 She will consider it...but for now, you and her are apart of a new family. Don’t worry if someone touches you or threaten you, they will die. Even if it means dying for you. As long as she knows that you love her, and she gets to see your smile before dying, it would be worth it. You will always be worth it.

🔪 When your grandpa dies, you two will be over 18. You two will be upset, yet Toga will ground you. She is there for you. She knows what it’s like to lose the only person that cared for you. She will steal two lockets and cut out pictures of the three of you. The heart-shaped lockets will persevere the loving and accepting nature of your grandpa. So, you two agree to never let the shop close. You two only the shop and even made more shops around the community. The homeless kids are given free candy every day. Toga made a charity for kids that don’t have parents, it helps them achieve education and help them get adopted into loving families.

🩸 She opens up to you more about her childhood and her feelings. Even though the public views her as a heartless villain, she will always be apart of your heart.

🔪 Without each other, you two would be incomplete. You make her want to do better...maybe finish school and go to college...marriage...kids...many possibilities. But, for now, she wants to protect and love you. She’ll get better, she’ll do better, with you.

———————————————————————

In conclusion, 10/10 girlfriend! That is completely loyal to you, just be comfortable with sharing underwear and saliva! ❤️

[theyearofourlord3000]

recording my angst about questioning my sexuality for posterity

okay, so i had never really thought to consider my sexuality and just assume i was straight. i grew up in a conservative christian household, so that wasn’t really on the table and it never really came up, so i just went with it.

about a year and a half ago, i was asked if i wasn’t straight twice in one week. once was by one of my high school students, who were always asking me personal questions i didn’t feel like answering, particularly this girl. i just avoid them and put them back on track. the other one was my therapist, who was looking for an explanation as to why i didn’t really date. i said no, but i was still thinking about it later.

when i got tik tok a few months later, i quickly ended up on gay tik tok (or at least that’s what every was calling it at the time), where i saw lots of videos that were like “gay people drive like this” and “gay people sit like this” and “you know you’re bi if you cuff your jeans”. and all these videos weirdly set me off bc i identified with almost all of them (except any that actually had anything to do with attraction or relationships). i genuinely started thinking i wasn’t straight bc of the way i sit in chairs, which is truly so dumb of me, but once again set me on a path of overthinking. 

once the pandemic hit and i moved back home, there was a lot going on in my head, and my therapist encouraged me to give it all a little more thought. i tried to take like, online quizzes or read more about how one even knows these things. i also downloaded a dating app and just started scrolling through everyone to figure out who i was attracted to (spoiler: it was basically no one). 

at some point in all this searching, i stumbled again over the term asexual. i knew about asexuality and had a vague understanding of what it was, but i hadn’t thought much about what that was actually like for people. after falling down a rabbit hole, i found that i identified with the vast majority of what i read about asexuality. 

for a while, it felt like i had everything figured out. it was:

sexually attracted to: no one

aesthetically attracted to: anyone

romantically attracted to: men

that felt right for a little bit, and like something i could explain to myself. except it didn’t feel right for long and then i had all this angst about the romantic attraction piece, which is where i’m at now. it feels like the only thing i have figured out is that i have no idea. well, i’m like 95% on the ace thing, which took forever to get to, which means that the romantic aspect will probably take a while too. goody.