#never mind i'll stuff my feelings into another tumblr post

[outlying-hyppocrate]

i bought roses for my entire class, and they all gave me a round of applause! i know they're probably just going to give them to their moms or something, but the attention was nice while it lasted (:

[ko-existing]

Hello Ko! I'm so glad you joined Tumblr, I think out of everyone I know and follow, you are the most trustworthy person to get information from. You truly know what you're talking about and you're very very helpful to us with questions. ❤️ I'm gonna try to make this as short as possible because I don't want to make you read a long, rant-ish question. Basically, I really really need some guidance/advice. Like I need some serioussss help..

For about 6 years, I've been "trying" to manifest, reality shift etc. I was focused on desires and getting. I was focused on doing methods to get things and "trying" things. would look all the time for information and "how to's" because I just wanted to shift realities so badly so I could experience all of the crazy things I would imagine. Nothing ever worked for me, not once in those 6 years. I eventually started to panic and think I was wasting years of my life on stuff that wasn't real (yet I'd still hope and try anyway) however I found non-dualism. Like I said, I was VERY focused on desires and getting, so as much as I told myself that I understand non-dualism, deep down I was still attached to ego and understood nothing. I viewed nondualism as a method. I still wanted desires deep down, even if I tried to say "No I want to be free!". I've now come to accept that if I truly want to be free, I need to genuinely STOP seeking desires and things of the ego. I need to accept that if I'm gonna be stuck on desiring, then ND isn't for me. So with that said, I told myself I'd follow non dualism properly and I wouldn't use it as a manifestation or shifting method.

This is the part where I ask for advice. When you're someone who has been stuck up on wanting to shift realities and get things so badly, for SO long, it's hard to let it all go suddenly. I don't know how to drop these thoughts that I get. I feel delusional and depressed because I hate this "life". I remind myself that it isn't real but then I feel insane and I tell myself I need to accept reality and stop hoping for miracles. I no longer wish to fulfill desires or use methods, I want to be free from feeling like this, I want to genuinely not live as if I'm ego anymore but it feels like my thoughts never stop. In the back of my mind, I always think "but I just wanna shift" "I'm delusional" "I am this body/mind"

Ko, I need any kind of guidance. Is there some materials I should read? I'll honestly read whatever books necessary. I don't know what to do 😅 I want to have the same understanding you do. I go to sleep every night thinking "maybe I can wake up in a new reality" and it completely defeats the purpose of me having no duality. I'm always hoping and trying, even when I don't want to "hope" or "try". I get so confused so easily and I think about going back to manifestation, but it never worked and I got depressed because of it. I want to free myself from these ego emotions, free from thinking I need this or that, free from having duality. I want to TRULY understand nondualism and live that way. Forgive me if this is long! I didn't intend to trauma dump or vent in your ask box, like I said before you're just one of the people I trust most. You're very knowledgeable on nondualism and I appreciate your posts very very much 🤍

First step, understand that Non dualism is ONLY(!!!!!!!!!!) a POINTER to what 'you' are. Being fixiated on 'trying to understand ND' is a trap you shouldn't fall into. I used it as a pointer(!) i do not "practise" any concepts.

I cannot stress enough how it is ONLY A POINTER, NOT THE "SOLUTION" NOR "ABSOLUTE TRUTH". "THAT" which you fundamentally are, IS Absolute.

Who has been "trying" all this time? -> The 'person' you THINK you are.

Who "wants" to understand? -> The 'person' you THINK you are

Use it as a pointer and then drop it.

I'm so serious, NEVER see it as the solution, it is a trap to do so. It will help as a start but go BEYOND that. It is nothing but another concept TO HELP.

A lot of you speak about the "ego" like it is some separate entity causing confusion and suffering but it is not. It is ONLY(!!!!!) who you THINK(!!!!) you are. If you stopped thinking about it, could you tell me who you seemingly are?

There are no books needed to """understand""" the basics of this concept, even if you read it, to drop it and be beyond such illusory concepts, is something that is done with or without books.

What you are can NEVER be defined. "THAT" has no name, no label, no characteristics. Nothingness. Yet it seems(!!!!!!) to contain "everything".. but "everything" = "nothingness".

By repeatedly returning to "Nothingness", it becomes clear that you never actually left that "Nothingness" and that it is everywhere.

Drop every label and concept. Everything you SEEM to know. What are you left with?

-> " "

If 'you' want to, you can listen to "YourHigherSelf" on YouTube or the shorter videos of Swami Sarvapriyananda on YouTube.

But again, seeking continously for the Absolute, is a funny game and an even funnier trap. Have enough discipline to not do that and simply BE.

[melrosing]

I’m sure you’ve talked about this before but tumblr’s search function is ass 😭 what’s your endgame prediction for Jaime esp in light of the show? I think Jaime is def fighting the others as hinted in his weirwood dream. But the way got ended doesn’t feel right to me. On Reddit everyone’s saying it makes no sense so it has to be a bad adaptation of what GRRM told them but idk I don’t buy it. Especially since it seems like Cersei replaced young griff’s role

i have talked about it before but even i can't find it ha so i don't mind talking about it again however.... my thoughts on this are vague. longwinded post ahead which is more thought starters than anything definitive.

to briefly address the show ending... I mean it's literally impossible for Jaime's story to end like that, because we know that Cersei's can't end that way. Cersei is going to be murdered by the valonqar, whoever that turns out to be. and even apart from that, the book version of the twins are so done romantically. sure, there are the barest vestiges of that connection in Jaime's ADWD chapter ('back to Cersei, another part of him whispered'), but ASOS/AFFC otherwise make for an extremely thorough deconstruction of that relationship that ends with Jaime leaving Cersei for dead and wandering off the grid with Brienne. like.... GRRM didn't write all that for nothing. and sure, some people still think he might still bounce back to her in some way or another, but generally i have found.... that those theories don't tend to accompany the strongest takes on jaime's character dhjkls

for the same reason, I don't really know where this leaves us wrt the valonqar prophecy. if Jaime were still preoccupied with Cersei's cheating, he would've acted on it by now. Tyrion thinks in ACOK that if Jaime ever found out about Lancel, he'd have killed the kid himself. Jaime in AFFC suggests Lancel eat something and go to therapy. Jaime himself imagines in AFFC scenarios where he exacts revenge on the Kettleblacks and Cersei herself, and yet given the opportunity to do so.... he wanders off in the opposite direction.

the reason being that the connection Jaime once felt to Cersei has died. that bond was his reason for living, for doing anything at all - and now it's not enough for him to even stick around long enough to see what's happened to her in KL, never mind return to her side to exact revenge on her himself. in practise, he doesn't harbour the kind of action and rage he dreams about, or claims to Ilyn Payne. it's the same as how he claims he's Tywin's heir, and then keeps letting people off the hook t any given opportunity. like for all Jaime knows, he could die fighting """"the Hound"""", and never see Cersei again, and that's apparently just fine. the opposite of love isn't hate it's indifference etc. and no I don't think Jaime will ever feel truly indifferent to Cersei - she is his twin, the mother of his children, and the woman he has loved all his life. but I think it's entirely fair to say that the extremes of love and hate he felt within the context of their romance are gone, because the romance itself has gone. Jaime's feelings towards Cersei exist outside of that now.

returning to the valonqar prophecy. I don't think it's necessarily guaranteed that Jaime the valonqar, but I do think it would be myopic to claim that he isn't a real possibility. and since Cersei's end has to factor into what Jaime's is or isn't in some kind of way, I'll suppose that he is the valonqar for the sake of this post. it's not written, so I can't say how exactly I'll end up feeling about its execution, but per the previous paragraph, I don't imagine this will have anything to do with the 'Moonboy for all I know' shit. that was for AFFC. that was building to Jaime burning her letter. Jaime in TWOW is going to have left much of that behind, bc frankly he'll have other stuff to worry about.

but we know that Cersei will be dealing w wildfire (apart from what happens in the show, this is one of the most heavily foreshadowed events in the book), and whilst it's not clear when or why she'll use it, it seems like a natural site for the valonqar prophecy to come true, in whatever way it does. and Jaime has been here before w Aerys etc, this has perturbed him in other Cersei x wildfire scenes in AFFC, so it seems it's a likely full circle moment. potentially Tommen's life is wrapped up in this too - I think it's also foreshadowed that Cersei (I assume accidentally) will manage to kill Tommen in the wildfire blast as well. so like, sure, ig that would set the scene for valonqar Jaime. I've never really liked this prophecy for a whole host of reasons, but the idea of spurned lover Jaime tramping back to KL to kill Cersei over Moonboy is uh. ??? yeah im not worried about that

[as for the more sensitive implications of Jaime being the valonqar as Cersei's ex lover, which I believe exist regardless of whether the act is about Moonboy or not: I think that's an important conversation to be had, but not one I feel effectively able to have until we have the scene itself. so whilst i want to acknowledge that context, I've found that conversations aren't often productive when participants are each imagining a different version of the scene in their minds]

then we're just left to contemplate where exactly any of this comes in the broader picture of TWOW/ADOS. if it is (per the show) effectively the last act of the series, then idk. maybe Jaime dies in Cersei's wildfire/the general pyre that is KL by this point idk?? like ok sure. he saved the city once but he couldn't save it this time etc.

however I tend to believe that TLN will follow what happens in KL, or in the very least will follow Cersei's death. i'm never certain of this, but if not, it leaves you wondering what exactly Cersei, Aegon, Arianne, Joncon etc are even doing in the south throughout all this. like. carrying on as normal?? do they even notice TLN?? winter is setting in everywhere.

and I do fully believe Jaime will fight in TLN per the weirwood dream, widow's wail etc. Jaime's story is a redemption arc (whether ppl like that term or not, GRRM uses it himself), and fighting in TLN is a natural conclusion to Jaime's pivot to the pursuit of honour, and his arc's own gradual turn towards the northern storyline. Jaime's story has always been about leaving behind loyalty to individuals and institutions, and instead fighting for causes he believes in, according to his own set of values. there's also the fact that he has to attain widow's wail somehow (which i'm certain he will), and as it is currently in KL.... it seems reasonable to assume that Jaime will be stopping by KL before he moves north again. this could be a tenuous assumption or it could be entirely correct, guess we'll see. but whatever

so if TLN is the final act of the series, then Jaime either dies in TLN (fine), or possibly even survives the series (though on this I always hedge my optimism). survival possibilities include becoming Hand or a KG to Bran, joining the Night's Watch, becoming a hedge knight, literally whatever. I like the idea that he stays with Brienne whatever ends up happening, but if it's some bittersweet long distance shit then sure whatever that's workable. however i do prefer to just assume he'll die for my own sake xo

[posttexasstressdisorder]

Where we go from here...

It took me awhile last evening to get my mind in the right place to do the baking I had to do. I thought I would put on some music on my little radio station to kick my head into work mode. Tried some Glenn Gould playing Bach (always a go-to for morning coffee music), and it didn't hit right.

So I dialed up the huge mix I have titled "1969-72" and almost immediately started the long road back to feeling like myself. After about a half-hour, I was in the groove. Listened to the mix far into the night, after I'd finished working.

I managed to keep my focus and got the cookies all baked, and kiddo's mom happily packed them up and just left for her party, and I'm over here for the next couple of nights, sadly for my back. Two nights of "No Mattress For Old Men" and I'll need a week to recover, but hey...

Wanna thank all y'all for your comments and messages when I posted that I was prolly just gonna go black. Y'all loved me back off the ledge. Posted in a moment of true despair...something I haven't felt in awhile. I am hurting for all of us...and all of you. I have never in my long life been scared for the nation until now. Or at least that's what I thought. This feeling of complete despair, the emotional pain of millions of people, the hopelessness, the fear for the future...after I sat with it awhile I realized yes, that I have felt this same combination of toxic shit before.

In the 65 years I've been on this stinkin' rock, I've been through a number of particularly devastating previous elections, most notably the two Bush2(Dumbya) regimes. I remember the night of the 2004 election...Americans were posting tearful photos taken by their webcams, with them holding up signs saying "We're sorry."

I saw first-hand all the fights for rights that we have gained from the early '60s onward. To find ourselves set back to square one, 50-60 years later, when we had finally gained some footing toward fairness, is cruel. And cruelty is what they will wield as their main weapons in the coming days, as we suddenly find ourselves in the same predicament as 1963-65 when a virginal Joan Baez and little Bobby Dylan changed protest music forever.

So yes, I have felt this same way, and no, the nation didn't die or descend into complete chaos. Our lives went on, essentially as they had, with a growing pile of "things we can't do anymore" heaped atop via the collective wounding of 9/11.

This is another collective wounding--an intentional collective wounding. The next few months are going to be chaotic, they will try to push through their agenda as quickly as possible come january.

I may not post much overtly political stuff from this point on, but if I do it will be refocused on positive news. I don't know for certain how long that might last, but I can't take a 24/7 barrage of bad news and outrage bait. I'm probably gonna unfollow a few blogs, but don't think it's personal...it is Mental/Emotional Health Care.

And yes, I've been in the trenches with y'all a long time...we are all Family at this point...Brothers and Sisters in arms. I'm not leaving, but my presence/role will be different, out of the renewed sense of self-preservation this has thrust me into.

I woke up disoriented, but quickly remembered I'd gotten what I needed to get done done, and had a slow re-entry, sipping my coffee for a couple hours. I kept remembering how well the music had helped me last night, and then the beginnings of what this might turn into began to coalesce. Concepts of a plan. lulz.

As the day went on, I've been on a roller-coaster, emotionally, with seemingly hopeful leads on a roommate not materializing, on top of my craigslist ad for a roomie getting flagged and deleted. Pretty goddamn hopeless as far as this situation is going.

Looked at the huge box of cookies I'd managed to bake last night and it hit me. I've been reblogging the "Gooood Morning, TUMBLR!" graphics every morning up until the election. The image of Robin Williams being in character calling up the role of the military DJ.

Back when I did my cafe in the mountains of NM, a friend lent me a book called "Radio Venceramos", about South American rebels who had a radio transmitter and clamped the leads to the barbed-wire fences to broadcast their signal/programming to their fellow rebels.

Still not sure how the format will work out, but I've decided: my new role is going to primarily be the voice of inspiration over the air-waves to my fellow rebels. Not sure if it will be a second blog or if it will be a continuation of PTSD, but with no further ado, I will become the Voice of my fellow rebels with:

I may make a second blog out of it, but until then I guess I'll make it a series of posts. Tumblr will let you blog up to ten videos/post, and that may be how I start things out. Consider them like stacks of 45s and LP tracks from my paul-shaffer-brain...meant to help keep spirits up and keep the focus.

Made a couple of graphics, will probably try others in the course of it.

So the message today was "You did what you had to do. Heal up for what's ahead."

I will probably start this new focus in the morning...I'm still chewin'.

[innitmarvellous]

Part 2 of my ace contemplations - Part 1 can be found here - or more like: more whining, haha. Sorry.

First off something more general: I'm happy about the responses I got on the original post, but I think it's a bit sad that there isn't a hashtag or something for people who want and need the support of the aspec community here on Tumblr (without having to join a special forum or sth). Because it seems that while the community is quite active, it's mostly for sharing memes and snappy textposts and stuff, and less about more helpful things and discussions. I'm not saying the memes etc are wrong and shouldn't be a part of it too, but idk, I just wish there would be more of an actual community bond, if that makes sense? To help the people who aren't yet at the stage where they can view their identity as something great, people who are still struggling and are reliant on online communities for that kind of help.

Because for all the talk about the very active Tumblr aspec community...I personally haven't seen and benefitted much of it, apart from the memes etc. And I hope I'm not the only person who don't just want to agree with meme posts and would wish for more. Or am I just unfortunate? Looking in the wrong places? (In short, where are the nice supportive ace people of Tumblr? I'm desperate here...well, kind of.)

---

Something related to the books I mentioned in the original post:

these books are all written from such an US-centric, university-educated and creative business viewpoint. And that's just not my world at all, as an mostly unemployed European with crappy education.

Like, one time it was mentioned that aces always look out for each other and how great that is. And yeah, sure. It is. It would be great, but what about the people who aren't part of that lucky network or community? People who possibly haven't met another aspec person in real life? They are missing that kind of support, and maybe it would be the one thing that would make everything easier.

---

Another thing: I found the probably supposed to be inspirational stories from other aces in the books rather disheartening. Yeah, fine, so person XY found their perfect partner by luck, despite whatever made them think it would never work out, yadda yadda. Good for them, but that's not gonna happen to me, right? I'm not gonna strike that jackpot and will find someone who accepts me as I am. Maybe I'm just a really, really spiteful person, but stories like that don't inspire me or show me what's possible for me personally in any way.

---

Well, yeah, I never encountered that. Like, truly never. That's one thing where I'm very ace: I don't get what's supposed to be sexy about a (mostly) naked body. I understand a appeal of a open top button and bit of chest being visible or something like that (lol that sounded so stupid), but the body being in full view? Nah man, put on your shirt again before you catch a cold, lol. (And it's not just guys actually, but people of all genders, if I'm honest.) I should probably add that I absolutely don't mind seeing anything like that, it just doesn't do anything for me.

---

I guess my takeaway from all the reading I did isn't like for other people who don't feel wrong or broken anymore when they find out there are other aces out there. Even after knowing a lot about it I still feel like some crucial part of me is missing, and I could be more than what I am if that were possible. But then again, there isn't really a possibility for change, so I need to do my best to accept this. I just wish I had it easy one single time...why is basically everything about me so hard to accept? lol

Idk, but if I ever manage to convince myself that inevitably dying alone one day (and spending the time until then alone too) is a good thing, then I'm sure I'll be able to do anything. Now I only need to figure out how to convince myself and that's where it gets difficult, lol.

Being both aspec and too dumb/awkward to make friends is such a curse tbh 😓 And I can't even become a crazy cat lady because I'm bad with animals too, ugh...

---

In connection with the previous bit, I'm kinda envious of that way of thinking. Would make things much easier, I assume. And it's great if it worked for her, but I on the contrary would find it quite painful if I look back at my in a sense similar life.

---

And to counter all the hopelessness a little bit - we're supposed to do that kind of thing, I guess - I tried my best to come up with some positive points, although I take them with a grain of salt myself.

- Well, it does give me an explanation for whatever is going on with me. (Although I only need that explanation for myself, since I seem to give off so much sad loser energy that no one ever bothered to ask me whether I want a boyfriend or kids. They just look at me and think "nah, that's obviously impossible for her". Which is oddly funny yet a little bit hurtful... ^^')

- I'm kind of glad that I never actually have to hug people or cuddle with them since I hate physical contact so much, lol. Doesn't matter if it's platonic or not. Remember when everyone missed being hugged during the pandemic? Couldn't be me :D

- I guess someone who is a rather bad person with way too many negative traits like me shouldn't be on the dating market anyway, so it's a plus that I'm no relationship material. Although that's more of a plus for others, not so much for me, lol. But it is a plus in the sense that everyone I would fall in love with would be unattainable for me anyway, so it's good not to be tempted in the first place.

- Idk, that's about it, I think? Maybe I forgot something, but I believe that's the gist of it. Kind of sad, but I tried, haha.

[clownboymcchucklefuck]

Colored Gaze: Simon is the LI that knows everything about MC.

Yall buckle up for this one its a little all over the place💀

It has been mentioned a few times that there is a LI in Colored Gaze that knows everything about MC and although I've nearly lost my mind trying to figure out who it is, I think I have the answer.

We can go ahead and check Zachary off the list to being the LI. It was said that during the demo is the first time Zachary has met us and that one of the other ones have known us ever since they moved into town. Putting our options to Seth or Simon.

I'll be honest, I was going to make this theory about Simon AND Seth and anaylze the proof between the two but looked at the bigger picture and decided to change it to just Simon since he has the most proof. 

Now this is where reading all 972 posts on the C.C comes into play.

It has been hinted at many times that Simon has known MC longer than just in the demo so there's already a bit of proof that Simon is that LI since he's known them for longer than anybody else.

Theres a few more but it literally takes me 20 minutes just to find one post so take this. 💀

That post can also align with this post:

Take note that both of them include "love them no matter what" and I'm pretty sure these were posted close to each other which could give more clues of it being Simon to.

This post is kinda what confirmed that it was Simon for me and I can even use the process of elimination for this.

It can't be Zachary because its been stated that Zachary has never met MC before the demo, the demo was the first time Zachary ever saw MC.

It can't be Seth because if pushed to the point by MC then he'd [SPOILERY THING I WILL NOT MENTION]. Seth is also the only LI that would be okay with breaking up with MC.

I would also like to take a flash to the past (?) and bring up this art that was posted on the tumblr and twitter:

Now honestly, and what I think most people may have assumed is that this was just a little wholesome drawing of Simon, right? Well I think there's more to it and the main thing that caught my attention was the art style to me. 

It kinda reminds me of the devs old artstyle:

So I think this was one of the old drawings of the actual first time Simon ever saw MC.

I could just be analyzing the art to much so I'll give you some other stuff to think about.

You might need some more proof that Simon has known MC longer than just the demo so I raise you this; Simons job. We all know Simon works as a delivery driver so it's more than likely he's seen MC before around town since they all live in a small town.

Seth Argument:

But alas the most confusing part of this for me is that Seth also has some proof for being the LI that knows everything about MC which makes things more difficult.

If I remember somewhere on the C.C somebody asked how the boys would react to finding out MC works for the government/FBI and Seth's mentioned something about "He would be surprised that he didn't find that out while researching MC" and me and Kam have theorized before that Seth might have something to do with the government so he might have access to more information than the normal person. I'll talk more about this in my Seth theory but Seth's intelligence could help him with alot of things such as stuff like finding out information about people.

Seth also has some proof from the C.C as well:

"I already knew what I signed up for beforehand" implying that he might know stuff about MC before dating them.

There was also another ask where somebody asked for the boys reaction to MC texting them that they were at the hospital with the police and to eat dinner without them and Seth's answer really caught my attention because it mentioned that he already knew what hospital MC was at. This could be implying he's the LI or that he's just a stalker.

Simon's Song Playlist:

There's obviously hints to what the LI's are like especially since the dev even said there are hints to how the LI feels about MC or how they met. 

Simons playlist was kinda hard to decipher not gonna lie but I did notice alot of songs and lyrics about being a hopless romantic so yeah, Simon is a hopeless romantic for MC.

There's also this part that caught my attention too:

Now this gives obvious vibes and references to Simon first meeting/seeing MC for the first time.

There were also a few that had a little possessive lyrics and some about what I assume is Simon wanting MC to trust him. And of course some ones implying that Simon was hiding a deep secret. :)

Hints from the demo:

Theres also of course this scene that caught my attention along with another one because I be making sure I pay attention to those subtle hints 💪

Simon was obviously about to say something but was then interrupted by MC's phone call. My first initial guess was something like "I love you" maybe and then after he would probably correct himself or say he didn't mean it like that. That could work because bro is no thoughts head empty (?) and since he's a hopeless romantic would probably say something like that on accident without thinking.

Shoutout to @mysticnebula for saving my sanity and screen recording this scene for me 💪

Something I noticed is that during Seth's route in the demo it mentions that MC forgets to put on their name tag whenever they get ready. However in this scene Simon already calls MC by their name before looking at the clipboard or them telling him their name which gives even more proof to him knowing them before the demo takes place.

There's also of course the walk home scene that it is beyond a doubt that Simon (?) Is the one following us.

We all thought that Zachary was the one at the window but this basically confirms that its NOT Zachary. And it can't be Seth either because even in the route that we don't meet Seth we still get followed and we still see somebody watching us from outside the window. Technically, Simon is the only one you have to deal with throughout the demo if you choose the right options.

It would also make sense for Simon to be the only one that knows where we live because of his job. Or it could just be him (?) following us home.

Theres obviously going to be alot more hints in the next update so we'll just have to wait for that. Until then we can only go off of these little clues and hints here and there :)

_______________

This theory may be a little all over the place because this is the first time my Host alter is writing and posting the theory but I hope its good 😭

TAG TIME: Simon belongs to @clrdgaze @dont-wannadothis-anymore

[nevadas-night-time-novelist]

I’d ask for more stuff for the reader with the employers (other than Audi) but rrrrrfgg. So little content of them

I feel you Anon, but that's cuz there's jack shit info on them. This got longer than intended and tumblr wont let me save anymore to this post, so I'll make another post with Conductor and Deliberator! :]

Stygian x reader

CW: Talks of death/decay

STYGIAN

Arguably the oldest of the four widely known employers, for as long as life has existed, so too has death. Black wisps of smoke curled around his skeletal form, flowing down without pattern or consistency. His few visible features deep set in his face, from his dull pink eyes, to his cheekbones protruding prominently.

His paper thin skin seemed to barely sit on the pink toned bones, looking as if any movement would tear it away, it was something you'd wondered about often when thinking of him.

"Worm." His voice was hollow, a soulless husky rasp with a hint of airiness to it. That was how he referred to everyone he deemed below him, which was everything but his kin.

Being called upon to aid in his work was exciting, yet a heavy burden. Plenty of dead souls passed this realm, and you were part of an exclusive team of judges, dictating where each S-3LF should go. To be reborn, to be banished to purgatory, sentenced to hell, or perhaps the worst fate you'd come to learn of, to be torn asunder into nothing, scattered across the cosmic void.

Sure, purgatory and hell weren't pleasant places, but arguably seemed kinder fates that simply becoming completely undone, as though one had never existed at all...

He snapped his fingers, and you were alone in his office. "Sit." His voice was cold and commanding, yet it always had that tone. Reading him was difficult, always a frigid reception, emotionless to the fullest extent. You obeyed without a word, the chair uncomfortable and worn, unlike the one behind his desk, which was new, plush, and looked a whole lot more comfortable.

His gaunt figure passed by, and a hint of ash mixed with embalming fluids flooded your nose, still incredibly potent despite how often the smell filled your office space.

Narrow hip bones lay neath the skirt of his black floor length toga, a belt of tiny animal skulls rested around his waist. "You are being far too kind to these pathetic bugs. You have yet to submit souls to be cast into The Nothing. Weakness like this shall not be taken lightly."

"I'm sorry, sir." His eyes narrowed.

"These are unworthy beings deserving of erasure, if you can't comply, you'll find yourself joining them into obscurity."

"I'll do better, sir. I vow it."

"As is expected. You are meant to make my job easier. Remember, you are replaceable."

"Understood, sir."

You were suddenly back in your office, leaving Stygian alone in his. He sat at his desk, gritting his teeth. Yes, this little worm was weak, below him, so why couldn't he get you off his mind?

Too kind for their own good, even when he insulted them, berated and tore them apart, they were ever-so polite and always replied formally. His smoke curled around his head, growing thicker as his annoyance grew, filling the room with a black and pink haze.

He was the beast of death, reeling in souls and fixing the afterlife for all, and love and romance weren't really his deal. He was utterly blind to this, doubly so because it was mere mortal that caught his fancy.

He snapped his fingers, and at once a younger fellow Employer appeared in the chair ahead of him. "You really need to stop doing that. I was busy." Dreamer sighed and looked at Stygian. "Why did you call on me, brother?"

Stygian sighed, like a wind blowing through bones. "A mortal being plagues my mind. You deal with these things regularly, what do you propose is wrong with me?"

Dreamer twirled her star earring. "Depends, what thoughts are you thinking?"

"They infest my mind like maggots, writhing in my skin and burrowing deeper. Their face haunts my mind, a ghost trapped in my skull. Tell me Dreamer, tell me, what is wrong?"

Summoning a tea cup, Dreamer sipped thoughtfully. "You're in love."

"What?"

She giggled and rolled her eyes. "This mortal, whoever they are, you're in love with them. Indulge in it, or don't. Do what thou will, tis what thy's best at. But if you do intent to pursue them, do change out of your deathly rags, okay Steeg?" She clapped her hands, and was gone.

In love? HIM? Bullshit, Dreamer was in her own world again. No. He wasn't in love. He needed to kill you, to break you from his mind entirely, to make you cease to exist, to-

A stack of documents landed in his tray, and he groaned, taking the top one off. His eyes instantly went to the bottom, your signature freshly inked. "Perhaps the purple one has a point." He slumped in his chair slightly, casting the paper aside. Auditor could file them himself, he enjoyed that stuff anyway.

Stygian got up, melting into the floor, appearing back in his private quarters. Heading to his wardrobe, he cracked it open, seeing nothing more than old suits, funeral attire, and worn out reaper robes. He groaned and rubbed his eyes, of course his clothing was useless, he rarely took care of his physical form.

He's living death for Maker's sake, why is he fussing about this?!

"Your thoughts are disrupting my flow." Connie was sitting in a chair in Stygian's bedroom.

"Tis a shame we cannot all have coherent thoughts, Conductor." Stygian scowled angrily. "Precisely what are you intending to achieve here?"

Conductor let out a melodic chuckle, his voice smooth like a fine tuned instrument. "You're not yourself. You're... Bothered. And I don't mean your usual gloom filled irritated self." He rested his head on a fist. "And since when do you change your attire but once a century?"

Stygian gritted his sharp teeth. "Well. Fine. Dreamer may have placed..... Strange thoughts in my mind, about... 'Love.' With some mortal of all things." He threw an old suit on the floor. "And that my clothes are RAGS!"

Connie straightened his tie. "She.. Has a point on that second thing." He pulled his baton, twirling it around in his hands, a blue light shooting out and wrapping itself around Stygian, and instantly tall, dark, and depressing was in a new, freshly pressed three piece suit with a pink tie to match his eyes. "Much better."

Stygian tapped his tie, and a skull lapel pin appeared on it.

Again Conductor swirled his baton, and a fat bouquet of white lilies mixed with blood red roses appeared in Stygian's arms. "Mortals are finicky, they enjoy things like that. Now go and demand they accept your offer."

You were seated at your desk still, condemning another old soul to the void. This one had lived so many lives, so many wicked lived. Dissolving them would be a blessing to the world... That was rather cruel, unlike your usual thoughts. Strange...

"Ahem." You spun in your chair, seeing Stygian in a full suit, his misty 'hair' flowing down, streaks of pink inside inky black. "You will attend a restaurant with me tonight. We need to discuss what happened earlier in greater depth."

Stygian wasn't asking, he was commanding. "Y-yes sir." You found yourself questioning his motives, he never spent time with anyone besides his brothers and sister.

His eyes narrowed, reading you back. "Here." He grunted, thrusting his arm out, shoving the bouquet into your face. "I've been informed that your kind... enjoys such gestures."

"What.. is this?" You looked up from your roses and lilies, and spotted soft pink flushing his cheeks, his eyes averted. "Sir?"

"Just get ready." Stygian snapped his fingers, a body hugging lacy black dress, with rhinestones and intricate little patterns embroidered on, and a classy all black suit, equally bejewelled with lace gloves both appeared on your desk. "Hopefully either of those should be to your liking."

You picked out one of the garments and rushed off to the staff toilets, heart racing and hands shaking. This wasn't happening, right? In a second, Stygian's hand would slam on your desk, and he'd bark at you to wake up. Surely he hadn't picked up on your slight attraction to him, right?

It was cringe-worthy, the living embodiment of death making your stomach butterflies flutter wildly. His cold demeanour, his harsh attitude, the puppy-love feeling of him softening these traits for you, it was all a fantasy, right?

Dressing up, you stepped out, and nearly collided with Stygian, who was lingering outside. "You... look nice." He grumbled, covering his mouth. "I figured you could perhaps enhance your appearance further with this."

He held out a box, opening it to show off a beautiful necklace with pink gemstones encrusted in rose gold metal. "A-are you sure about this sir? This doesn't seem like you."

Stygian looked at you finally, smoke swirling around his skull, twirling around your face as he stepped closer. "Don't think I haven't picked up on your signals, mortal. I can hear the way your heart races when you're close to me, I feel the lingering stares that could almost imprint in my form. I've ignored it and pushed it down for as long as I could, mistaking my own affections for resentment.

You wish to entangle yourself with death? Then prove to me you're worthy of it." Your hands grasped his cheeks, passing through his misty form and grabbing a hold of the black bone beneath, pulling it towards your face, feeling his teeth against your lips.

His flames were cool, but his bones were warm, pleasantly heating your hands as you held him, one of his skeletal hands covered yours, the other pulling you closer by your hips.

A lightheaded feeling washed over you, you started to collapse in his arms, but he was quick to support you. As he pulled back, you noticed a white mist flowing from between his teeth.

"Quite literally stealing your breath away." Resting in his arms a moment, his hand rubbed your back to comfort you, the other cradling your head against his chest. "To be in love with a mortal... To my kin it's unheard of. But you're different. You always have been. You vex me, but I crave it."

He slipped the necklace around your neck, and you looked up from the comfort of his skeletal form to his pink eyes. "Does this mean you're not firing me at dinner tonight?" You joked and he closed his eyes and sighed.

"Of course not. How dare you expect me to let such a good thing go."

[magpiefngrl]

Can I ask your top 10 fav fics ever (from any fandom, if you don't mind)?

Also, just curious, is there a story behind your name "magpiefngrl"?

Hey, anon!

Oh fave fics! I love talking about fics and books, though I feel I talk about fics everyone knows and have nothing new to offer, esp since I've not read much in the last 2-3 years. Still, narrowing it down to 10 is super hard, so I've looked at my bookmarks and chose the ten fics that I've reread the most.

1. Bound Skerry by Frayach (drarry, M, 2.3k)

I've read this a hundred times and I'll keep coming back to it. Possibly my most read fic. The reason it's one of my Forever Fics is the prose. Absolutely stunning writing.

2. House Proud by astolat (drarry, M, 23k)

The original House Magic fic and the best one. I particularly love the hints of dark faerie magic, the horror elements and the brilliant worldbuilding. Astolat's prose is super readable and the pacing is excellent.

3. with exactness grinds he all by thistle_verse (drarry, M, 6k)

An aching fic with beautiful, lyrical writing. I've reread this so many times.

4. Art in Life by northofallmusic (tofsla) (wangxian, T, 2k)

I feel I'm repeating myself but this has excellent prose and it's aching and tender and made me feel all the feels.

5. Out of the Dead Land by orphan account (stucky, M, 63k)

OK so this hasn't stood the test of time because I finished it a few days ago, but WOW. Absolutely brilliant. I'm not even a stucky fan or anything. But I kept thinking about it when I was doing other stuff and I set aside the books I was reading so as to finish this. Now it's days later and it's still on my mind. I can't remember the last time I had a book/fic hangover. A very angsty fic and a fantastic exploration of Bucky's trauma. This is by one of my top authors of all time, who's now orphaned everything.

6. Mr Webster's Wager by Fahye + orphan author (same one as above) (Ash/Webster, E, 27k)

Now we're getting into the horny fics. This one is based on a KJ Charles short story which is the best romance short story ever written in my not so humble opinion. This takes the original story and the horniness of that scene and expands it into many horny scenes. It's masterful, very very hot, and just a fantastic fic.

7. Unhook the Stars by jad (drarry, E, 70k)

One of the first drarry fics I read and one that made a huge impression on me. Super kinky, lots of sex scenes, I've reread this a LOT.

8. IDK My BFF Hermione? by lettered (drarry, E, 19k)

Extraordinary. Phenomenal. It will always have a place in my Top 10. Also, very filthy, which is a huge plus in my book.

9. a better happier st sebastian by halsinator (Jonathan Strange, E, 6k)

Another one I reread a million times. Stunning prose and vibes and beautiful yearning. I keep coming back to it.

10. live from new york by varnes (wangxian, E, 87k)

A masterpiece, a classic of wangxian, this is a Saturday Night Live AU, which is such a bizarre choice for an AU--and yet it works. I don't live in US, I have never watched SNL, but I adored the fic.

I've left out a ton of favourite works and authors I adore, but for more of my faves, my AO3 Bookmarks is the place to go.

I have to say, this exercise has been quite illuminating: I don't think I've ever had such a clear glimpse of what makes me tick. In short, sublime prose, an aching, yearning mood and/or filthy porn.

*****

As for my username, here's the story: I joined tumblr a gazillion years ago (way before I got into fandom) and my first blog (still exists: @magpie-x ) was mostly what you'd call an aesthetic blog. I'd reblog cool pics and quotes and occasionally post a personal post about my life. I named it magpie because it was a place where I collected everything shiny, like a magpie. I rarely used it after a while tbh. Years later I read The Raven Cycle and fell heads over heel with pynch and knew that the only place I'd find fans was tumblr. I got into the nascent TRC fandom and soon I needed a space exclusively for fannish posts. I created a sideblog called magpiefangirling and when I later got an AO3 account I shortened the name. Years later I got into drarry, I became very active on tumblr again, and the sideblog wasn't enough so I deleted it and created a brand new blog with my AO3 name.

In short, magpiefngrl, means magpie being a fangirl. It was a random decision but it has now shaped me and I think of myself as Magpie in fandom spaces, and even chose that as my pen name for my future original romance books.

[thealexandriaarchives]

I'm trying to write more after a few years of a dry spell and digging into the 'Why' of why I'm not writing as much, and a big one I'm facing is a complex mix of guilt and shame that I've been praised a lot for having a very strong, terse style that will have longer descriptions but will always come back around to short, gut-punchy lines.

And at some point I think this writing style turned from being confident in my writing and knowing who I am as an author into a source of insecurity. I'll still write thousands of words in barely edited ADHD discord rambles or Tumblr meta posts, but when I turn to trying to produce anything more polished I am now hyper-aware of my style, and how much people have commented on its 'uniqueness' when its influences feel so very obvious to me? So my writing the last few years has lived and died in my drafts, feeling stilted, awkward, and stiff, or even more often has failed to make it past the brain to keyboard barrier.

I am incapable of writing the long, flowing epics I adore from so many of my friends, and over and over again my works shape themselves into highly crafted and pretentious (/neutral, intentionally telling myself over and over again this is neutral...) short stories instead.

And as the years continue I think I am aware we are all just a collection of our influences, but then I am the same half a dozen 20th century white men (a gender thought to unpack another day)

Isaac Asimov

Jorge Luis Borges

Truman Capote

(Some Dostoevsky & Tolstoy?)

Christopher Moore

Kurt Vonnegut

I ran a couple pieces I've gotten the most of this praise / feedback on through the newest version of 'i write like' and didn't get either Asimov (phew honestly, my love) or Vonnegut though. I got Cory Doctorow (whom I've never read so I cannot tell if this is good but it sounds correct for the story) and H.G. Wells which was also correct for the story and whom I grew up on. I tend to stylize as I write so both were heavy about the scientific method but 'about the direct clarity, accessibility and succinctness of the message' which sounds like my technical writing not literary stuff tbh. Also stuff about 'driving the story forward', I also have issues around the fact I prefer to write in present tense which seems not to be the preference, do they do this too? Is this some autistic science bro tech writer Sci Fi brain thing I wired myself with at a tiny age?

I think some of it is that I am fine with being Cringe & Pretentious if it feels Authentic to myself, but I am unable to reconcile that with the fact that it also feels like I am just Subconsciously Trying to Be Like My Faves. Which is ridiculous when you look at the fact my favorite narratives are all about eternal recurrence, being haunted by the narrative, humanity's patterns repeating themselves over and over again. I need some pithy narrative to remind myself that I am being hypocritical when I hold myself against this.

Yes, I write the weird, fucked up meta short stories just like the stories that most impacted me at the most pivotal times in my life. Big shocker, I'm throwing in my biggest kinks and they also say things about me as well when scrutinized. All writing is a mirror and self-reflection. All stories are the same story branching off the same Ur-Story told around a cave fire at various points.

What is fanfiction's italicized: Oh. Oh.

But an echo on Vonnegut's: So It Goes.

A person falls in love. A person dies. The story repeats again. I hate the phrase 'Kill Your Darlings'. The ghost of Truman Capote smokes a cigarette over my shoulder and reminds me to remove every unnecessary word.

So it goes.

This is basically journalling, but any not-white, not-men, ideally not-cishet names that jump to mind from that short list or other thoughts or ruminations are always welcome.

[jade-of-mourning]

sooooo I’ve recently stopped being dead to the world

I had to backtrack and reread down to your answer to my last ask (which,,, thoughts,, when you manage to beat them into submission pls pls pls pls share everything) because I haven’t touched tumblr in a hot second but then I saw your post about lok s1 (and specifically s1 korra) and,,,

okay so this is me and my dumb hyperfixation talking but how do you think the rest of tlok would’ve gone if makorra wasn’t ruined. like just in general, what do you think would’ve changed?? if anything??

keeping this short but like. brain worms are munching. cuz the way their characters developed and how they each influenced each other. how would that have ended like. romantically. like what if korra burned bright and bright and bright and offered her soul and her strength and every one of her fingernails in love and mako bit his lip hard enough to offer blood in a kiss. what if they were a little bit insane by the end of everything.

sorry that doesn’t make any sense!

love

🐌

hey snailon!!! i've missed you <3 i've been hella busy myself (cough i have four ap tests in a row next week) but it's always lovely to see you around haha

hmm there are definitely a fair share of really well written meta regarding a not-slanderized makorra, but i don't really have any specific links on me rn. i'll just give you my sparknotes version of what i'd imagine, which might end up combined with stuff i've read from other people that i don't remember reading

i'd probably postpone them more than the series did — which, granted, they did write it with one season in mind, so i'll give them that. (i would argue that it's still a valid explanation for certain writing choices, because even though the books were commissioned before the release of their predecessors, it's not like the writers get to just rewrite the ending spontaneously bc episodes aren't constructed chronologically lol) okay ignoring that tangent

i'm okay with the love triangle in season 1 as it is because even though it's insane, it also checks out on all parts for korra, asami, and mako in terms of backstory and personality at this point in the story. korra is socially unaware because she never interacted with people her age or really Society, asami is desperately lonely and values good intent above all else, and mako is also impressively socially stunted and has the pressure of financial concerns as well. (if it were up to me, i would either just commit to korrasami or makorra from the start and add in the third if going in the throuple direction. i'm going off on a tangent again)

i have conflicting feelings about endgame. on one hand, makorra is so full circle by concluding the way they do here — mako's first encounter with korra he treats her like he doesn't give a shit that she's the avatar, the first person to ever do so; yet, by the end when korra's absolutely devastated and believes her only value was as the avatar, mako tells her straight up that he doesn't care if she's the avatar or not, as he has all along. it's genuinely so cute and i could honestly write so many more words about it than i did. but at the same time, i just would like to think that after the shitshow love triangle, they would put off getting together, perhaps as an overcompensation upon recognizing how they hurt asami.

since the latter route is the au i've decided to follow, so be it. in endgame, korra and mako still have their full circle moment and spinny-hug, but instead of kissing in front of naga they just longingly pine into one another's eyes. excessively so the viewers know. okay cut

season 2 they are rekindling their friendships with asami and asami is tired of watching them dance around their feelings for one another and also maybe pining just a little bit for korra but huh what. i would actually have to rewrite the entirety of lok to shift s2 into a readable mess. korra is still amazing as always and saves the world as always. oh also throw in some korrasami with the family betrayal theme. yeah i don't want to think too hard about this

see the struggle is that i love krew!friendship in season 3 so much but at the same time i feel like end of season 2 is the perfect time for a makorra get-together instead of a makorra breakup, seeing that korra has literally changed the entire world all by herself because she is so amazing. so alas, we'll go with end of season 2. mako no longer lives under his desk to hide from korrasami and in the two weeks between s2 and s3 they are done with their honeymoon phase so they'll just be as they are through s3 tbh. honestly there was so much makorra shipteasing throughout canon s3 that i don't really think there'd need to be too much rewriting. they're still the level-head/kick-the-door-down-subtlety duo within the krew dynamics and they're still clearly very important to each other specifically. the makorra hug before korra goes up to face zaheer might be drawn out even more and maybe something sweet couples say idk. (i have so much rizz i know wht i'm saying)

korra gets even more trauma for a lifetime (again), and three years pass. korra writes to asami once as in canon because by the time she feels human enough to pick up a pen, she doesn't even know how to talk to mako, let alone try to address the guilt of ignoring the guy who devoted himself to her so thoroughly. asami understands what it is to lose. mako (& bolin) has lost more than anyone else once perhaps but i think that the trauma repression means that that was never processed and he would be terrible to talk to about any of this. he's been there, but he doesn't understand it, if that makes sense.

okay so korra comes back, makorrasami dinner (ig the shitling that canon wu is is there also), makorrasami train fight, then we have remembrances and beyond the wilds — y'know, the korrasami/makorra episodes respectively. korra is now experiencing feelings for both of them Oh Fuck. by default i would say that masami has been hooking up through these three years but since makorra was a thing through s3 then i retract that; however, their friendship has rekindled very deeply as the only two members of the krew left in the city. and mako & korra have not discussed what they were or what they want to be at all, just been adamantly dancing around the subject.

blah blah kuvira blah blah city blows up then the wedding then bam!!!! mako's love confession to korra is actually a love confession to korra (wdym "i'll follow you into battle no matter how crazy things get; i've got your back and i always will" ISN'T a confession of love). korra is joined by both mako and asami after tenzin leaves, asami grieves, and the three of them have a moment together that has very heavy implications for throuple-ism. then bolin pulls up very devastated that he has missed the final krew party. cue the laughter, cue korra's final delivery of "i'll always try to restore balance" bc it should've been here instead as the three of them stare at the changed city before them, and cut.

(yes krew should've had the final scene together. i've said it before that i don't think korrasami was particularly well written, but i still like them and the ending is still very sweet. however, i hate that they completely disregarded the rest of the cast for the final episode instead of giving them a scene together, even if not the very last one, bc of how that translated over into the entire fandom… i mean what. and the spirit world vacation is a sweet sentiment but also i feel that korra would never immediately go leave on a vacation immediately after everything that just happened and her declarations of duty. i don't think i articulated that very well. but yes.)

[more-better-words]

Alright, one and all, strap in. It's time for M. B. Words to engage in self-congratulation (and self-promotion) of the most SHAMELESS variety.

The past few years hadn't been the greatest for me in terms of creative output - one series petered out, the inspiration fading, and another that I began started strong, but I soon found myself overwhelmed by the scale of the challenge I'd created for myself. Then came Enterprise, and (more specifically) Trip and T'Pol.

I've been a star Trek fan my entire life, but I'd never found myself compelled to write fic for it. And I've told this part of the story before - how the end of ENT and the utter hatchet job that was TATV made me want to give Trip and T'Pol something better than what the show had.

"I'll just write this little post-Terra Prime thing - few thousand words - and get it out of my system," I said.

Dear reader, this is not what occurred.

Part of it was the incredibly kind and supportive encouragement I received from the fandom, and more than that, for the first time in a while, I felt like I had a story to tell. A story that just kept growing.

So instead of a one-off, it turned into a series, and in the course of 2023, I've published work that I'm really proud of, and I'm not entirely sure what the alchemy is that's unlocked this for me, but it feels good to be creating and sharing, so I'm not going to question it.

That series, Built to Last, is comprised of the following:

From the Ground Up - 9.8k words, rated G. Post Terra Prime, Trip and T'Pol decide to give a relationship a shot. Surprise, surprise, it actually works.

What We Build Here - 22.7k words, rated G. The first six months of Trip and T'Pol's marriage, and their time on Earth, before the universe conspires against them.

For the Duration - 19.2k words, rated T. The Earth/Romulan War still happens in this timeline, sorry. (I may actually be proudest of this one, because I did some non-linear stuff that I think worked pretty well)

The Place We Call Home - ongoing, rated G. Babies and domestic bliss ahoy!

"But Words," you say, "Trip and T'Pol are super hot together. Have you written anything that caters to a...spicier palate?"

Funny you should ask! For most of my fic writing career, I’ve been a bit shy about writing sex scenes. But this autumn, driven by my ceaseless envy towards those who wrote them being oh-so-hot (you know who you are), I decided this was a challenge I needed to undertake for myself. I still haven’t written I’d rate E (maybe someday, I dunno), but I think I’m getting better at it!

Rounding the Bases

Mine

Intoxicants

I’ve also (ALSO!) posted some ficlets here on tumblr that I’ve collected over on AO3.

Scrapbook

Cinnamon Candy

tl;dr if you’ve stuck around this long - I’ve written a ton this year, and I’m happy about it, like really, genuinely pleased with it, and I hope you don’t mind me sharing it with all of you. Happy New Year.

[pencilofawesomeness]

Hi! I'm Naeme from AO3, and I finally got the courage to use the ask thingie cause I had some questions. The thing is tho, I braved tumblr and managed to get to the end of the HTRYDS page(?) so some of the stuff I'm wondering might be totally outdated and the questions might be obsolete. Oh well, I'll ask anyway.

For of all tho, I have to have ask: What have you done to me? I am not kidding for the last two weeks I've just been rereading this AU and thinking about it. This is exactly how I felt after finding and reading your AU this winter. Gosh, I get so intense when I reeeeally like something. I reread your entire fics, proceeded to go play Genshin Impact to move on, then I started talking to my sister about your fic because I needed to FANGIRL and when I was done I was so excited THAT I STOP PLAYING MY GAME AND WENT TO REREAD EVERYTHING AGAIN. My sister thought it was the funniest shit ever, she said I gaslight myself into rereading your fic. What have you done to me. Or maybe I'm the problem. I've been rereading everything but this time with Fairy Tail music because your fic it just that good.

I want you to know, that this is all your fault for creating something so magical. Also I've been rewatching some Fairy Tail episodes because of you and half the time all I can think about is ''Gosh I wish this was HTRYDS''.

ANWAY. As mentioned, I've read your tumblr posts and responses from a while ago and I got some questions. You might not have answers anymore, maybe you moved on or changed your mind and it's all good. I don't really post, but I do write a lot, so I know how it can be.

I saw a post that was about your vague idea of the arcs for this fic and their order, I know it might have changed, you were clear that it was open to a lot of changes, but I had questions about that arc that you called ''Teambuilding Exercises''. I feel like you talked about it somewhere but I couldn't remember what was said. I'm just so curious about this one because for a while now I have been wondering if the dragon slayers were going to join teams. Because it seems like you made Erza, Jellal, Gray and Lucy a team, which confirms what I thought that the Tower Trio (for lack of better name, sorry babies) never became an official team, but it also seems that Natsu just isn't going to join. (which is interesting. I do find his relationship with Gray interesting in HTRYDS, especially when it seemed that Gray genuinely wanted to go with Natsu to Galuna Island in Demon Tale (you broke my heart there, it was great (AND WTF I JUST REALIZED THAT DEMON TALE IS KIND OF THE OPPOSITE OF FAIRY TAIL WHAT--))

Anyway, QUESTIONS!!! First of all, what is implied with ''Team''. Is it Team, or is it Teams. Is the Team the whole of Fairy Tail? In that case it would be the entire guild working together to become closer. If it's Teams, the known teams right now are Laxus', Levy's and maaaaaybe Erza/Jellal/Gray/Lucy? But I feel like the arcs have to be about one of the dragon slayers (we're here for them after all), so is it Laxus? Or will Gajeel join Levy's team? Or Natsu Erza's? Somehow those last two ideas don't feel likely. Sooo, is it that the dragon slayers will make their own team? Or multiple teams? Like the oldest together and youngest together? I feel like Acno won't join a team unless you decide to put the whole fam in one team.

I AM curious as to if the dragon slayers will join any team or make one, even if it's unrelated to that arc.

Maybe that arc has nothing to do with the teams of Fairy Tail and it's a metaphor for something I don't know yet. Or another type of team entirely.

I've also been wondering whether or not there would be a time skip at the end of the Tenrou Island arc, but I'm pretty sure the only way I'll know that is if I read it. So it will wait.

You know what, somehow, it feels like if you answer any of my questions it might just be too spoilery. In that case, just take all those questions I have about HTRYDS as me being very passionate about everything.

Huh. This is really just me loosing my mind over the teams, isn't it? I guess it's because I'm currently in the middle of rereading Demon Tale, I always start wondering during that read. (also love Lucy with Jellal in there, they are so precious in their together. Geek best friends. And then Levy join in on the fun too!)

Gosh I'm a rambling machine. I guess that's why it's hard to comment for me sometimes, especially of the bigger works like you HTRYDS, because I want to honor all the hours and the thoughts that you put into such a big project and it feels like a little comment wouldn't be able to do that. I truly genuinely feel blessed that you decided to take this endeavor and even tho you might feel like doing something else, it's fine because you still gave us such amazing stories to enjoy with this AU.

So again, thank you so much for this AU. Papalogia and his little dragons will now live in my mind forever, I just know it. <3

Hello! Now you can receive your gold star sticker for trying new things lol. And to be fair, nobody *really* knows how to navigate tumblr, we all just (bad pun incoming) tumble our way through. I try to tag all my stuff well enough but my page could probably use some better navigational tags. Oh well. We all persist XD

Anyway whoops. I am honored to be the source of brainrot but as always it's unintentional XD. As much as I would like to take credit for the neat trick, because I need to use that on myself sometimes lmao.

Haha I'm not *too* indecisive so most of my rambling about plot stuff is still up to date. The "Teambuilding Exercises" arc is still very much on my timeline (and still unnamed, rip) and I am still very much hyped for it. I just mentioned it in an ask a few days ago, which is probably what you're thinking of. Funnily enough though, none of the "teams" in that arc will be actual teams. It is 100% me coming up with a funny reason to make new people bond, and then those bonding experiences turn into accidentally Very Personal adventures.

It's funny, I have realized that I sort of made the dragon slayers the floaters of Fairy Tail. Laxus is the only one on a team (Thunderstorm) and that isn't going to change. They kind of act like a "team" in themselves, except not in a concrete way, just the sibling way, and there are groups they frequent, like Gajeel tagging along with Shadow Gear a lot. And, I mean, technically "Team Erza" (as much as I call them that) aren't an official team aside from Mira joking to put them down as one, they just also do things together. I like to play fast and loose with group dynamics and give them the freedom to mix it up sometimes. So, like, there are the official teams recognized outside of the guild as A Thing, and then the people who often squad up. And then me sometimes finding excuses for somewhat unique squads, like me throwing Natsu, Mira, and Happy together in Demon Tales.

Which. I am so stoked you noticed the naming thing XD. I very much did that on purpose lol. (I jokingly refer to their squad name as Demon Tail in my notes.) It's also a fun double entendre, because in addition to being a play off of the guild and a focus on our lovely demon members, the whole arc is also about tales that come from demons. It's Galuna's quest and their past and present and the myth about Apophis and about the Timeless Valley, and with also that fun emphasis that stories does not equal history, but they are adjacent to each other. (I actually agonize over titles too much sometimes I can be very annoying about it, thank you for giving me this opportunity.)

Thank you for rambling! I always enjoy hearing it, and sometimes getting the chance to do it back. Also it makes me happy to know people are in the same brainrot pit I carved for myself and live in. It means a lot <3

[jupiterpp]

CHAPTER FIVE: ODD | 𝐅𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞'𝐬 𝐄𝐝𝐠𝐞. -𝐭𝐨𝐦 𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

important note; This is the first time I'm posting my stories on Tumblr. My mother tongue is not English so expect grammatical errors ahead.

word count: 896 words

MASTERLIST | CHAPTERS

We got the highest score at the presentation.

As the announcement rang out that we had achieved the highest score in the class for our presentation, I couldn't help but feel a surge of pride and relief wash over me. All the hard work and late nights we had put into the project had paid off, and I couldn't be happier.

I exchanged a quick glance with Riddle, and for a brief moment, a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips before he returned to his usual composed demeanor.

"I knew the two of you would be such a good match if you worked together!" Slughorn exclaimed. We were inside his office; he had heard the news and invited me and Riddle for some snacks.

With a smirk, I couldn't resist a sassy response. "Well, Professor, I guess even the most unlikely pairings can work wonders when one-half of the duo isn't too busy being a know-it-all," I said, shooting Riddle a glance.

He shot me a glare.

"Hey, don't give me that look," I retorted, crossing my arms and meeting his gaze head-on. "You know it's true. Maybe if you weren't so quick to dismiss my other ideas, we could have gotten even higher marks."

"I'm impressed that you managed to do your project while on prefect duties, Tom." Said Slughorn taking a sip of his coffee.

Riddle's lips quirked into a smug smile at Slughorn's words. "Well, I'm nothing if not efficient, Professor," he replied smoothly, a glint of pride in his eyes. "Besides, it's all about time management, isn't it?" he grabbed a biscuit from the bowl, and took a bite of it.

"Correct," Slughorn chuckled.

"Must be easy when you have all the time in the world," I mumbled under my breath, rolling my eyes as I stood up to grab a book on Slughorn's shelf.

Riddle's eyes flickered towards me, his expression icy. "Some of us know how to prioritize," he said coolly. "Perhaps you'd do well to learn that skill yourself."

This guy.

"Ah, ah, ah, don't even start here in my office, you two," said Slughorn, waving a hand between us as if shooing away a couple of bickering cats. I huffed and glared at Riddle, grabbing my stuff beside him before walking away.

"Prioritise," I muttered under my breath, mocking his tone. "As if I don't know how to manage my time."

Riddle's voice, low and smooth, cut through my thoughts. "I heard that."

I didn't bother looking up. "Good. It was meant for you."

"Merlin, just go to your next class, both of you." came Slughorn's exasperated voice, and I wasted no time in leaving, shooting Riddle one last annoyed glance before shutting the door.

Another month had gone by and Riddle never fails to piss me off all the time. His lack of empathy and his constant need to be right grated on my nerves more than ever. It seemed like every interaction with him ended in frustration or annoyance, leaving me feeling drained and irritated.

Despite our success in the Defense Against the Dark Arts project, our dynamic hadn't improved. If anything, it had only worsened as time went on.

"Stop doing that." His voice startled me. I glanced at him.

"What?"

"Stop scratching your quill on the table. The ink is going everywhere."

I rolled my eyes at Riddle's interruption, resisting the urge to snap back. "Sorry," I muttered, setting my quill down with more force than necessary. "I'll try to control my penmanship, Your Highness," I added sarcastically.

I clenched my jaw, fighting the urge to give him a piece of my mind. Instead, I forced a tight-lipped smile and turned my attention back to my parchment, trying to block out his presence beside me.

But as the minutes passed, the tension between us only seemed to grow thicker. Every scratch of his quill against parchment grated on my nerves, each word he muttered under his breath felt like a jab at my patience.

Finally, unable to bear it any longer, I groaned. "Could you be any more annoying?" I muttered, shooting him a glare.

Riddle raised an eyebrow, his expression unreadable. "I could ask you the same thing," he replied coolly, not missing a beat in his writing.

I leaned back in my chair, folding my arms. "Honestly, Riddle, if I wanted a lesson in insufferable arrogance, I'd have just read one of your essays."

He looked up at me, a faint smirk playing on his lips. "If you spent half as much time on your studies as you do coming up with these witty remarks, you might actually keep up with me."

I scoffed, feeling my temper flare. "Maybe if you weren't so obsessed with being the best at everything, you might actually have a friend or two."

He paused, his quill hovering over the parchment. For a moment, I thought I'd hit a nerve, but then he shrugged. "I'd rather be right and alone than wrong and surrounded by sycophants."

"Well, congratulations," I said sarcastically rolling my eyes. "You're doing a stellar job at that."

His eyes narrowed slightly, a flicker of irritation crossing his features before he regained his composure. "If you have something to say, say it,"

I held his gaze, my own eyes flashing with defiance. "Fine," I snapped, my patience wearing thin. "You're-"

He narrowed his eyes at me but paused when he noticed me looking behind him. He turned to see what had caught my attention.

Standing in the doorway was Dennis Bishop, his expression unreadable as he observed the room. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of him, a mixture of surprise and apprehension flooding through me. What was he doing here?

"Dennis..." I trailed off, uncertainty clouding my thoughts. As soon as Riddle turned around, Dennis yelped and quickly exited the library. I furrowed my brows and stood up, my eyes not leaving Dennis's retreating figure. Riddle shifted his gaze towards me, narrowing his eyes.

"That's it," I said before closing the book. "You're not getting away this time."

"What are you doing, Delcroix?" Riddle called after me, but I ignored him and hurried towards the library exit, determined to catch up with Dennis. As I pushed open the heavy wooden door, the cool corridor air greeted me, sending a shiver down my spine. "Dennis! Wait!" I called out again, hoping he would pause and give me a chance to catch up.

I grumble under my breath before turning around the other corner and constantly bumping into him. He fell onto the ground in such impact and he looked horrified to see me.

"You!" I exclaimed. "Why are you stalking me, Bishop?"

He didn't respond, just whimpered on the floor, covering his head like I was about to hurt him. I was about to say something when I heard footsteps behind me. It was Professor Slughorn, with Riddle following closely behind. The other students were whispering at the sudden commotion, their attention fixed on Bishop and me.

"What's going on here?" Slughorn demanded, his eyes darting between us.

"Professor," I called out. "What the— how did you get here so quick—"

"Bishop? Goodness gracious!" Slughorn exclaimed, kneeling to help Dennis up. Dennis's eyes widened in horror at the sight of Riddle. His breathing became uneven, and he slapped Slughorn's hand away, bolting down the corridor before anyone could react.

"Bishop!" Slughorn yelled before running after him leaving me and Riddle alone in the hallway. I narrowed my eyes before glancing at the boy beside me who was already walking away.

"What the hell was that?" I asked, catching up to him. He gave me a side glance.

"What?"

"Dennis seemed horrified to see you." I crossed my arms at him. "What did you do?"

Riddle shrugged nonchalantly, his expression unreadable. "he's easily spooked," he replied dismissively, his tone cool and collected as always. "It's not my concern."

"You're lying."

"I am not," he sighed as we headed back to the Slytherin dormitories.  He gave me a look, rolling his eyes. "Now stop pestering and go over the important stuff we reviewed earlier if you don't want to fail your DADA class."

Oh, right. Despite the success of the project a month ago, I was flunking the tests and Merrythought paired me up with the top of the class, Riddle. Talk about irony. He only agreed because of the twenty points he'd get if I had improved. He was really serious about it.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," I muttered, feeling annoyed. "I'll go over it, alright? No need to keep reminding me." I said dismissively, earning a glare from him before I walked away, heading to the girl's dormitory.

Days passed in a blur of study sessions and late-night cramming. Riddle's relentless tutoring was intense, but I couldn't deny it was effective. I found myself making progress in subjects I had previously struggled with, thanks to his guidance. I tried to ignore what happened to Bishop the last time I met him. He was acting very weird and stalking me. Despite my efforts to focus solely on my studies, thoughts of Bishop's odd behavior kept creeping into my mind.

and before I knew it, It was already examination day. 

I was a bundle of nerves. I'd been studying non-stop, thanks to Riddle's relentless tutoring sessions. The questions seemed tougher than I remembered. Time flew by in a blur of scribbled answers and anxious glances at the clock.

When the examiner finally called time, I let out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding as I handed Professor Merrythought the test paper as the others who were done with the test shuffled around to get their stuff.

"Feels like I flunked big time," I grumbled as I settled between Silvius and Elara in the Great Hall, a plate of food in hand. I huffed and stabbed my food with my fork.

Silvius shot me a sympathetic glance. "Come on, Delacroix don't be so hard on yourself. You probably did better than you think."

I shrugged, not convinced. "Easy for you to say. You didn't have Riddle breathing down your neck the whole time. He was deadly serious getting that twenty points."

Elara nudged my shoulder gently. "You've been putting in the work, that's what counts. And hey, if worst comes to worst, we'll study together for the retake."

I let out a sigh before someone called my name not far from me. A student handed me my test paper and then Silvius's before calling another name.

Silvius's exclamation pulled me from my thoughts. "What the hell—the scores are already out?!"

I glanced over at him, then down at my own paper, my eyes widening in shock. "Oh, wow," I muttered, scarcely able to believe it. "I passed?"

Relief flooded through me, mingled with a sense of accomplishment. Maybe all those late-night study sessions had paid off after all. Elara was given her test paper as well causing her to grin at the sight of her score on the right side of her paper.

"Okay, so all of us passed?" Marcellus nodded before folding his test paper with a smile on his face. "I say we should go to Hogsmeade to celebrate!"

Silvius practically jumped out of his seat, his eyes still glued to the test results. "Seriously, we all passed? That's amazing!" He shoved his paper into his bag, grinning from ear to ear.

"I was so sure I messed up that last section," I mumbled with a raised brow before folding the paper.

"I've been dying for a butterbeer," Augustus exclaimed, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

"I could use a break from studying, that's for sure."

"Woah, woah, woah, hold on you guys," Elara pulled Silvius back down to his seat. "That's only one subject, we still don't know about the others."

Silvius groaned, slumping back into his chair. "Come on, Elara! Can't we just enjoy this small victory?"

Elara shook her head, her expression serious. "We can't get ahead of ourselves. Let's check the results for the other subjects first. Then we can celebrate properly."

"You're such a killjoy, Right Delacroix?" Silvius looked at me.

"She's not wrong—"

"I am always right. So shut up." Elara glared at Silvius who looked taken aback by her gaze.

The Slytherin common room was cozy, and it brought me comfort every time I stepped inside. The dim lighting cast a warm, inviting glow over the dark green and silver decor, making the room feel like a hidden sanctuary. The soft crackling of the fireplace and the deep, plush armchairs beckoned me to relax and unwind. I loved the way the light from the fire danced on the stone walls, creating shadows that seemed to tell stories of their own.

I sat down on one of the couches near the fireplace, joining my friends. The warmth of the fire immediately enveloped me, and I could feel the day's stress melting away. The soft, flickering light cast a cozy glow over the room, making it feel even more like a sanctuary.

Elara was already there, sprawled comfortably with a book in her lap. She glanced up and gave me a smile. "Hey, finally decided to join us?"

"Have you guys seen my quill? I left it somewhere in the library." I let out a sigh, taking a seat with crossed arms.

"I don't think so. Did you check your bag?"

I shook my head, feeling a pang of annoyance at my forgetfulness. "Yeah, I did. Must have dropped it somewhere while I was studying." 

"You should go to check the library. It might still be in there." Marcellus said with a smirk plastered on his face.

"Don't listen to him, you'll only get in trouble."

"Only if you're as obvious as you usually are," Marcellus teased.

"Riddle might have caught me, Marcellus," I said, glancing at him with a small laugh escaping my lips.

"You think Riddle hangs out in the library all night?" Marcellus raised an eyebrow. "He's got better things to do than play hall monitor."

I sighed, knowing he wouldn't let this go. "Alright, fine. But if Riddle catches me, I'm blaming you."

"Don't even," Elara warned and grabbed my wrist when she saw me standing up from my seat. I glance down at her. "You can borrow mine,"

"No," I replied, shaking my head. "That quill is custom-made. I can't just replace it."

"I'll go with you!" Augustus chimed in, a wide grin spreading across his face.

Elara sighed, clearly exasperated. "You three are gonna get into so much trouble."

"Relax, Elara," Augustus said, waving off her concern. "We'll be in and out before anyone notices. Besides, what's the worst that could happen?"

"You clearly haven't met Riddle," she muttered, crossing her arms. "I hope you and Marcellus get caught."

'✦ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹ೃ⁀➷-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-˚. ೃ⁀➷'✦ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹

The three of us peeked our heads around the corner of the hallway to see if there was any movement. The coast seemed clear, but the anticipation of getting caught sent shivers down my spine. We exchanged nervous glances before silently agreeing to proceed cautiously.

"Go on in," Agustus whispered beside me as I placed my hand on the wooden door of the library. "Me and Marcellus will be on watch."

I nodded and pushed open the door and stepped inside the dimly lit room. The scent of old books filled my nostrils, and the silence was almost suffocating. I moved quickly, scanning the tables and shelves for any sign of my lost quill.

But even as I searched, I couldn't shake the feeling of being watched. Every creak of the floorboards made me jump, and every shadow seemed to move when I wasn't looking. I tried to push aside my paranoia and focus on the task at hand, but the fear lingered in the back of my mind like a dark cloud.

And then, just as I was about to give up hope, I spotted it—a glimmer of silver nestled among a pile of books. Relief flooded through me as I reached out and grabbed my quill, holding it tightly in my hand.

"capture, capture," My heart skipped a beat as I heard the voice, low and ominous, coming from the other side of the bookshelf. With my quill clenched tightly in my hand, I peered around the corner, my pulse racing with a mix of fear and curiosity.

There, standing in the dim light, was Dennis Bishop. His eyes were wide, unseeing, and his lips moved feverishly as he repeated the word over and over again while reading a book, his shaky hands pointed at the words. His once-familiar face was twisted with a manic intensity that sent a chill down my spine.

"She must be," Dennis muttered, his voice strained as if he were running out of breath, despite the fact that he was sitting perfectly still. I was snapped back to reality when the library door opened and closed shut. My heart skipped a beat, and I quickly ducked under the nearest table, my breath coming in short, panicked gasps.

I felt a shifting not far from me, and I turned to see a familiar eye peeking out from underneath the table nearby. Panic surged through me as I realized it was Marcellus, his face twisted with fear.

"What the hell—" I began, but Marcellus cut me off with an urgent whisper.

"[name]!" Marcellus whispered, his eyes darting back and forth at the door and me. "We've been spotted!"

Shit. Great. These idiots, instead of running away and hiding somewhere else, just had to lead whoever was after them straight to me. I gasped as the door opened once again and quickly closed shut. The sound echoed in the quiet library, sending a jolt of fear through me. I glanced around frantically, my heart pounding in my chest, only to find Augustus and Marcellus shuffling under their feet and hiding beside me.

"What the hell are you two doing?" I whispered harshly, glaring at them.

"You fucking idiot, This is your fault, Augustus," Marcellus whispered and harshly nudging him. 

"You both are idiots! keep it down or we'll get caught!" I hissed, frustration bubbling inside me as their bickering threatened to draw unwanted attention. We were already in a tight spot, and their squabbling was only making things worse.

My heart skipped a beat as I caught a glimpse of a pair of shoes moving closer, and I immediately recognized the person's body movements. They knew that we were here. Panic surged through me as I realized that we had been discovered, and I knew that we were running out of time to come up with a plan.

With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I motioned urgently for Augustus and Marcellus to quiet down, my eyes darting around the room in search of any possible escape route. But as I scanned the library, my mind raced with the realization that there was nowhere to hide, nowhere to run. 

The footsteps grew louder, each step echoing in the silent library, pounding in my ears like a drumbeat of doom. My heart hammered in my chest, the fear so palpable I could taste it. I felt the cold sweat trickle down my back as I realized we were at the mercy of whoever had found us.

Just as the person was about to come closer to our spot, we held our breaths, the tension so thick it was suffocating. I could see the shadow of their legs cast on the floor, inches away from us. The silence stretched, a taut wire ready to snap. But before they could come any closer, a voice called out, cutting through the air like a knife.

"Riddle," It was Dumbledore.

"Professor Dumbledore," Riddle replied, his voice smooth and composed. I could see his shadow turning around to face Dumbledore.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be on your prefect's duties right now?" Dumbledore asked, his tone gentle but firm. 

"That's exactly what I'm doing, Professor," said Riddle, putting both his hands behind his back. "I saw two figures sneaking into the library, so I came in hoping to catch them."

Dumbledore paused, considering Riddle's words. "I see," he said slowly. "However, it is rather late. Perhaps it would be more prudent to continue this in the morning."

Riddle hesitated, but his voice remained calm. "Of course, Professor. I'll make sure the library is properly secured before I leave."

"Very well then," Dumbledore said. As they began to walk away, Riddle walking in the other direction away from us, I caught a fleeting glance of Dumbledore's eyes. For a moment, they seemed to flicker in our direction, a knowing glint in their depths. Did he know we were here? It was impossible to tell.

'✦ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹ೃ⁀➷-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-˚. ೃ⁀➷'✦ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹

As I settled into my seat in class, I couldn't shake the feeling of eyes on me, the prickling sensation of being watched. Glancing around, I expected my gaze to meet Riddle's, but I caught Bishop's eyes across the room. his expression unreadable as he observed me from across the room. It sent a shiver down my spine, the intensity of his gaze unsettling.

And then, another pair of eyes caught mine.

Finally, when the class was over, I wasted no time in making my way to Dumbledore's office. I needed to talk to him about what I had seen in the library last night. The mysterious girl's unsettling stare and Bishop's presence had left me with too many questions, and I hoped Dumbledore could provide some answers.

"Delacroix? I did not expect you to be here." Dumbledore said his eyes searching mine. "Is there something you need?"

"Yes, Professor," I said swallowing the lump that was forming on my throat. "You see-"

"Is this about the stalker you have?" Said Dumbledore as he approached me. My eyes widened in surprise at his statement, caught off guard by his directness. How did he know? Did Slughorn tell him?

"Yes...How did you know?" I asked.

"Slughorn told me."

"Figured," I muttered under my breath. Of course, Slughorn told him about it. "It was Dennis Bishop. He's been tailing me ever since I set foot in Hogwarts."

He let out a thoughtful hum and turned his back on me, a gesture that caused me to raise a curious brow at his behavior. With measured steps, he walked closer to the window, his gaze fixed on something beyond the glass.

I followed his line of sight and noticed the Quidditch players passing by the window, their figures darting gracefully through the air on their brooms. For a moment, Dumbledore stood in silence, his expression unreadable as he watched the players with a contemplative air.

I cleared my throat, breaking the silence that had settled between us. "Is everything alright, Professor?" 

"You know Mrs. Cole from the muggle orphanage, Right?" He asked, not looking at me as he fiddled his fingers behind his back. I furrowed my brows at him.

"I do," I replied cautiously, unsure of where this conversation was headed.

"Mrs. Cole told me back at the orphanage when I came to get Tom," he continued, his voice low and contemplative. "Mrs. Cole takes a summer visit to the seashore with the children from the orphanage and Tom Riddle coerces two of the other kids, Amy Benson and Dennis Bishop, to go with him into a cave. Mrs. Cole said they were so messed up by whatever happened in there that they became mute."

My eyes widened at Dumbledore's words, a shiver running down my spine. Dennis had seemed perfectly fine the last time we spoke, so whatever had occurred must have happened while I was away in London.

Is this what Mrs. Cole telling me about being cautious around Riddle?

"...Is this why Dennis has been acting like that all this time? Because of Riddle?"

"It's what Mrs. Cole said," Dumbledore said. "It's possible that whatever happened in that cave had a lasting effect on Dennis and Amy."

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

5, 17, 25, 29

For the ask game, please!

woooo! more asks! Thank you thank you! :D <3

5. What’s a fic idea you’ve had that you will never write?

Oooh probably a few of the ones listed in the previous ask about fic ideas that I have noodling around in my head.

Off the top, I'll probably not write "Grima Becomes King" even though it would be fun. Mostly because I know it would be the world's longest fic and the idea of writing it makes me feel tired.

17. What’s something you’ve learned about while doing research for a fic?

Oh man, many things. What comes to mind is how much I've learned about late antiquity/early medieval Scandinavia for all things Rohan & Grima related.

I think an interesting tid-bit was the gender disparity of infanticide. Not shocking, given how patriarchal Scandinavian society was at the time, but far, far more girls were killed than boys. Also skeletal remains show that in times of famine, boys were given more (and better) food than the girls.

(don't tell tumblr, they're very keen on thinking Viking (tm) society was a world of gender equality and other nonsense)

25. Have you ever upset yourself with your own writing?

I have! In different ways. For Grima stuff - the scenes where he's forced to eat his horse in My Land is Bare were just - I icked myself writing them. Degradation in general icks me and I always get in a weird headspace after writing it.

I have absolutely made myself cry writing bits of Thus Always. Particularly the death of Downey's father (that chapter has a banger of an ending line: So, in silence they look at one another, truly look at one another, for the first time in thirty years, and in silence Amos dies.) The eulogy appendix also gets me. Annnd this bit with Downey's mother:

Annette catches Downey at the door, squeezes his arm, says, ‘I never understood why you did what you did.’ ‘Why I left? Surely he told you the gory details.’ ‘No, no, I never understood why you chose to…to be like that. Did I do something wrong?’ Downey takes in her weeping eyes, her pain, her sorrow, the mad grief over things she has no words for, and he just shakes his head. Just shakes it and shakes it and shakes it.

the infamous "did I do something wrong and that is why you're a queer" conversation that many people have unfortunately had

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

Something from a follow-up fic to Swimming Through Fire world. Two years after the war, a year after Grima and Éomer came to some vague Arrangement, and Éomer's off to go get married. Lucky him.

They're on their way to Umbar as I have Eomer marrying outside Gondor for reasons of regional political cohesion. Safan, everyone's favourite main man from the ROTK installment of the Swimming Through Fire series, makes an appearance.

---

Of course, Safan could have other sources, Gríma reasons. About Éomer. About what he is like as a man. Safan is talented, clearly capable, and trusted—therefore, he is likely to have heard his fill about the future king of Éomarc.

Who is currently standing towards the front of the boat watching the horizon dip up, down, and again again again.

No storm, but the sea roils. Gríma was told it’s the wind, a beautiful day for the voyage, but choppy. Hold fast. Do you know how to swim?

He told the sailor: I can hold my breath for two minutes.

The sailor laughed: that’s a start, I suppose.

No, no, I can swim. I’d just rather not.

Then hold fast.

So, he’s holding fast. He’s watching the water. The surf kicked up, foam white as the froth of churning milk. He thinks he wants to be sick.

What did he have to break his fast? Sweet buns, fruit, cheese. They dine light in the morning in Khephanto, same as they do in Éomarc. A welcomed change from other parts of Gondor where it is blood sausages and eggs and liver and salted fish and fried mushrooms piled high with toast and hot milk and gods the memory makes him more nauseous than he thought possible.

He tries to lean over the railing, thinking it would make sense to be sick into the ocean, but the thought of being so suspended over water—only his head, his shoulders and chest, but still—it sends him skittering away.

Foolish, of course, he survived the river Isen when he fell in. He survived Limlight more than once as a boy. He’d be fine until they fish him out.

Provided they fished him out.

Gríma finds Éomer again—still at the helm. Golden haired in the golden sun looking at ease despite the tumult.

They’d fish him out, Gríma thinks bleakly. Surely. Éomer would make them. Surely.

He wouldn’t be left to drown. Horrorhorrorhorror—how the chest burns and everything’s upside down and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and————

A bucket.

Gríma looks up, realizes his hands are on his knees and he’s shaking. Safan stands before him, holding the bucket.

‘Didn’t realize you’d be so sour stomached,’ Safan says.

Gríma wrenches the bucket from his hand, turns around, and is promptly sick into it. Somewhere, someone laughs. He’s certain it’s at him. He would care if he didn’t feel like his stomach wanted to crawl up his throat.

‘Just lean over the side,’ Safan suggests, all fatherly.

‘Can’t.’

‘Alright.’

‘This is horrible.’

‘You’ll get used to it.’

‘Inhuman.’

Safan laughs.

‘Truly,’ Gríma insists. He hugs the bucket of his bile. ‘Horrible. I’m going home by land. I don’t care if it takes me three months.’

Safan pats him on the shoulder, tells him that he’ll get used to it. It’s only another two and a half days—two if the wind holds. Gríma pulls an ugly face: two days! He doesn’t have enough in him to throw up for two days of travel. Safan shakes his head, pats his shoulder again, insists that Gríma will be fine.

‘Horizon,’ Safan points, ‘keep your eye on that and your stomach should settle.’

‘It’ll settle when I’m dead.’

‘I love your optimism, I’m sure your future king does too.’

Gríma makes no response, save to turn away from Safan and sick into the bucket a second time.

/

Early afternoon, still the first day, they’ve yet to have the blessing of crossing the small hours into daybreak, they’re not even at dusk, yet, and Éomer finds Gríma who has found a rope pile to sit on, with his bucket, trying to stare at the horizon.

‘I don’t know how you’re not ill, my lord,’ Gríma whines.

Éomer makes no reply. His eyes are also trained on where sky meets sea—a beautiful greying line if Gríma was in the mind to admire.

‘Perhaps you are sick as well,’ Gríma suggests.

Éomer shakes his head.

‘Assuredly,’ Gríma insists.

Éomer smiles, taught it stops half-up his face.

‘Knew it,’ Gríma mutters.

Éomer strides to the railing, leans over, and vomits. Gríma laughs. His future king makes no response. Gríma needles: ‘Would you like a bucket? The bucket is wisdom itself.’

‘I’m fine,’ Éomer replies, as if nothing occurred. ‘I don’t see why you’re making such a fuss.’ Slipping into the northern dialect of the Wold Éomer continues, ‘You’re not being very sympathetic for someone also suffering.’

‘My lord, you should know better than to come and roost upon my stoop in search of sympathy. It died in the womb. I might have eaten it.’

‘Along with your heart?’

‘To be sure. That shriveled, little thing.’

But his future lord-king is smiling, if not outright laughing, and Gríma doesn’t know how to stand in this moment. It’s been two years since the war—almost exactly. They’re just entering April, a fine month to travel in. It’s been fifteen months and a week since that first post-war winter yule when things between them became…sticky. Gríma isn’t sure how to term it, he isn’t sure there is a word for it. He is sure Éomer wouldn’t know and so has never made an effort to ask.

And what is there to ask about? Aside from Gríma’s commitment to burning down the entirety of the world should Éomer ask it of him. A bit of a rub, a bit rum, that the lord should instead ask him to create rather than destroy. Which is just like Éomer, to be contrary to Gríma’s desires whilst being, at the same time, precisely what is desired.

He thinks he might be sick into the bucket again.

‘Éothain told me about the creatures you’re concerned we’ll become victim to,’ Éomer says.

‘His investigations did little to assuage me. That said, their appearance could put me out of my misery, which is a boon.’

‘I think you’re over-reacting.’

Gríma turns away from Éomer, thinks he’s going to be sick, but it passes. He turns back around. On Éomer’s face is writ feint amusement. Gríma he thinks he should be sick on Éomer’s boots to make a point.

Some shuffling of feet as Éomer leans against the side of the boat to again stare at distant horizon as instructed by Safan. Gríma supposes he could try it, but doesn’t think standing wise at this precise moment.

‘Have you heard anything further?’ Éomer asks with a fantastical attempt at disinterest.

Gríma feigns confusion: ‘Further, my lord?’

‘About this—about Lady Dihya,’ he slides through her name in a chaotic fashion, it’s half Éothéod and half an approach to Umbar pronunciations. Good gods, Gríma cannot wait for them to meet if only to hear them butcher each other’s names in such a full-frontal fashion. ‘You were seen speaking with Safan.’

‘Safan and I are acquaintances of old.’

‘Shouting at each other over a wall proceeding a siege hardly makes one an acquaintance of old.’

‘Hardly a siege,’ Gríma scoffs. ‘Lord Aragorn lightly threatened them with ghosts and they saw reason and left.’

‘And the draugr.’

Gríma tilts his head skyward. Éomer follows suit asking if that brother of Gríma’s is around. Which brother would Éomer son of Éomund be asking after? Gods Gríma, the only brother who could possibly be present—the bog-drowned inhuman one that’s a crow half the time. It tried to peck the eyes out of a Meduseld mouser the other day. Hasn’t Gríma taught it manners, yet?

‘Baldir was never keen on following orders,’ Gríma replies tartly. ‘It is hardly my fault he is enacting the behaviours of his kind, now that he is what he is. He’s not eating people or horses. Nor goats, cows, hounds, most cats, and other such important creatures. I cannot vouch for poultry or hares. And no, he’s not around. I told him to fuck off back home before we left.’

Éomer mouths: fuck off back home with some mild astonishment. Gríma gives a desultory look: what?

Éomer tries another question, ‘Did Safan tell you anything useful? Are there things I should avoid saying or doing?’

‘I am not here,’ Gríma holds up a hand, turns away and vomits into the bucket. It’s all bile, at this point. He tried drinking water with ginger in it, recommended by Éothain, but it came to naught. He wipes his mouth, pushes hair out of his face, turns back around to Éomer. ‘I am not here in an advisory capacity. As I told Safan, I don’t know why I’m here. I hardly expected it.’

‘My uncle,’ Éomer glances at the men around them—all Haradrim or Gondorian, the Éothéod are generally seasick and showing it. He continues in the Wold dialect: ‘My uncle took you aside before we left. Éothain and Gundahar both saw it occur. You spoke for a good space of time, what did he say?’

‘Oh, that. He was telling me to mind myself and not get into trouble. That the first whiff of anything suspicious he’ll know whose door to knock at. As if I haven’t learned my lesson! truly I wish people understood that. I make mistakes, the lords know, but I tend not to make the same ones twice.’

Éomer, to his credit, does not believe Gríma—at least about the not knowing what his role is. Gríma hopes he believes him about lessons learned. He had assumed Éomer did—few others, but at least Éomer. Hama would believe him, if he were alive. This thought does a strangeness to Gríma’s chest, an emotion he is learning to name regret. He rarely feels it, if ever, but with Hama yes, it rears its ugly head.  

Gríma sometimes wonders what the percentage is that Éomer believes. Is it fifty per cent of what Gríma says? Eighty? Twenty? Or entirely situational? Probably entirely situational. Probably Gríma doesn’t want to know.

‘Surely you’ve been briefed,’ Gríma says into a long stretched silence.

‘Of course I have.’

‘Then you have nothing to worry about.’

Éomer gives him such a statement with his expression and Gríma would laugh if it were appropriate. Instead of saying: horseshit and you know it, Éomer replies: ‘For the sake of relations between countries I want to make a good impression. My uncle said he trusted me to represent Éomarc.’

‘I should hope so, as future king yourself you’re the embodiment of our people and our land.’

Grating, grating, grating—Éomer paces this through. Gríma wants to say what he always thinks in these situations, that Éomer is the better option to Théodred. One represents Éomarc more wholly and entirely than the other. Théodred was nice. Théodred would have tried. He would have done what he thought was the best. Gríma knows better than to sneer those sentiments aloud to the cousin and inheritor who sometimes goes morose and burrows into himself when the former heir is mentioned. The man who Éomer idolized, to some degree, and who did not live long enough to shatter those illusions.

Well, well, that is Éomer, sitting in the sun comparing himself to dead heroes who cannot be faulted in anything because they are dead.

Another wave of nausea comes, Gríma waits to need the bucket, but it passes. How is it so warm? It’s April, it should be the perfect temperature at all times.

-

‘A rat with a bucket,’ cheerfully calls a voice.

Gríma puts on a flattering smile, ‘my lady, it gladdens my heart to know you are not similarly afflicted.’

‘Not a whit.’

‘Truly,’ Éomer asks. ‘I can’t believe that.’

‘Sorry, brother, but alas that is the case.’ Éowyn does not sound entirely sympathetic. She then glances between them and to her brother asks: ‘What conference have you with Wyrmtunga?’

‘Trying to get information out of him about what we can expect. He chatted with Lord Safan last night.’

‘My how we’ve resurrected ourselves,’ Éowyn sneers at Gríma who continues, with great effort, to appear cheerfully nonplussed but gods gods gods he wants to be sick again. He knows he must be green about the gills for how she laughs. ‘Uncle said you were to behave.’

‘I am, on my honour.’ Gríma adds, ‘on the life of Stigr.’

‘Not nothing,’ Éowyn owns. ‘How do you know lord Safan? He seems above your station and rank, now that you are nothing in particular.’

‘The war.’

‘They shouted pleasantries at each other over the walls of Pelargir,’ Éomer explains, ‘before Aragorn reminded everyone time was of the essence.’

‘Lord Aragorn was just as party to the pleasantries, my lord.’

Éowyn’s keen eyes, sharp as knives, slice from brother to Gríma and Gríma knows a dissection is occurring, there will be a result from it, but it will not be accurate. He knows where her assumptions will lead her, and he is right when she asks: ‘Did you know him through Saruman?’

‘No, my lady, I never met him save that day during the war. I had assumed he died, until he showed up as ambassador.’ He adds, half-afterthought and undertone, ‘not everything is a conspiracy.’

‘I hear she likes hunting,’ Éowyn tells her brother, ignoring Gríma’s reply. ‘Stalking and the like. Talk to her about that and you’ll be safe.’

‘What else did you hear?’

‘Books—histories about seafaring voyages and distant battles, also political machinations. But she is not adverse to the occasional bout of poetry. Recite her something pretty about nature, I heard. She’s partial to birds and fish, also long descriptions of sand dunes which are, apparently, beautiful.’

‘I see.’

‘I’m doubtful too,’ Éowyn agrees. ‘But having never seen one, we could be wrong. Her favourite colour is red and her favourite metal is copper.’

‘See,’ Éomer snaps at Gríma, ‘this is useful information I can do something with.’

Gríma levers himself upright, a dangerous decision for it sets his stomach on edge again, bidding a well-rehearsed and beautiful good-day to them he stalks across the ship towards the prow. He read a book about ships while in Minas Tirith and tried to memorize all their bits and pieces. This is a long, round nosed, shallow bottomed galley. Predominantly used for trade and moving passengers and animals. Gríma marks the three masts, the place for the oarsmen, though as they’re “with the wind” it's just sail work.

In the stern is the—he blanks on the term—but it’s a built-up structure where captain and important guests stay in relative comfort. Everyone else gets shoved below deck with the lice and livestock.

Castle! That’s what the structure is called. A castle.

Daft name.

Or maybe not, he doesn’t know anything about ocean-going vessels. They must be defended, especially merchant fleets, so perhaps castle is apt. Defending the keep, except it’s your boat.

Nearing the prow Gríma grips the railing and stares forward. Fresh sea air helps keep stomach in check. By the time the breeze gets to the back where he had hidden himself there was nothing much left to it. Knuckles whiten as his hands twist on the wood. Well waxed, there are no splinters, but he can feel its course nature against skin. A grounding experience. He sucks in a breath, holds, exhales.

Marvelous, he tells himself, it’s all marvelous. His still being alive and in one piece, mostly. Also this. Boats, oceans, skies, new lands, languages, the many and varied people present in the world. Oh, no, not distracting enough, he leans forward, is sick into the water as he gets hit with ocean spray.

Well, he thinks as he wipes salt water off, at least he knows his face is clean.

[butchtwelfthdoctor]

i got peer reviewed on this post by @pikechris (sorry for the tag hope you dont mind) but still had way more thoughts hehe anyways i was gonna leave tags but it got pretty long sooo those tags and the rest of my Thoughts under the cut cos damn this did get really really long

i looked in the replies of that post & people you're not getting it he didnt kiss rory with romantic feeling behind rory was just there and eleven got excited about something else and rory visibly looks weirded out afterwards. it was practically eleven kissing as stimming. like when he kissed jenny. it wasnt out of romantic feelings at all he knows madame vastra would kill him & he isnt interested he was just happy to be able to move after the crimson horror thingy. kissing rory was also played as a joke it was a funny haha yknow. i also dont remember eleven kissing the james corden character but like whatever i cant imagine that being meaningful in any way either.

OH in the same way that nardole having a crush on twelve (canon btw nardole practically says as much is played as a joke. like with the post i mention above, like thats played as a joke because can you imagine the cool very beautiful twelfth doctor having romantic or sexual feelings towards nardole, who is literally, as missy puts it, comic relief? i dont think that its queer is a part of that but idk it might be.

but in any case. the doctor hasnt kissed or been kissed by a man with romantic intent onscreen since 2005. we COULD have had a thirteen and yaz kiss but we didnt which is i think why? people forget? about them? doctor was confimred queer she had lesbian attraction but nothing really. happened about it. so yeah. also apparently a lot of people didnt watch thirteen like cmonnnnnnnnnnn it really isnt as bad as people make it out to be.

twelve kissed missy who was probably the only person he would have kissed at that point. he's horrified when she kisses him before he knows who she is but then the very next episode he kisses her in a... if not exactly romantic a very emotionally charged way. and she knows that. we dont see them kiss again even as their relationship grows more and more romantically inclined (which i actually support any amount of canon thoschei conventional romance would probably be. bad and kill the appeal immediately) because like i said. she turns every dead body on earth into a cyberman then lies about where gallifrey is then fakes her own death then tries to get the doctor to kill clara then he leaves her on skaro iirc then he is supposed to kill her but doesnt and instead locks her in a vault for ~70 years but its okay cos they have takeaway food in there together sometimes. and then world enough and time / the doctor falls happens which i cant even start talking about or i'll never stop & thirteen was 1) aroace and 2) too emotionally repressed to even get close to kissing Anyone, let alone the master after all the timeless child stuff, even though she probably?? wanted to kiss yaz?? a bit??? at least?? yaz wanted to kiss her but there was too much emotional repression going on on both sides but mainly the doctor Which Brings Me To My Point.

Fifteen is the most, shall we say, flirty doctor we've had for a while, and Ncuti is also the first openly queer actor to play the doctor on tv, and while of course everyone on tumblr is Very familiar with all of the ways the doctor is queer (and neurodivergent) without any need for the show to specifically say so, it is really really great that a) the doctor is played by a gay actor b) there are more queer characters and c) we got an actual episode where The Doctor Is Gay With A Man. especially after the. somewhat odd. way yaz & thirteen's relationship was dealt with at the end of thirteen's run, which even though was a queer relationship was like....... not really. shown. they just talked about it. and had icecream. okayyy i guesssssssssss

BUt NOW fifteen gets an entire episode where his mutual attraction to another male character (assuming the doctor is actually a man, pretty sure i read somewhere Ncuti was he/they-ing the doctor but he might have meant the doctor in general, not just fifteen) is a Main Focus of the episode. its the main tension, the main drama, the main interest - you pretty much know from the 'okay we'll teleport the chuldur away' that thats whats going to happen, and i for one went 'oh my god rouge is going to get teleported' from the moment the doctor fixed it to carry six. the Main Focus is now their flirting, their dynamic, the way Those Two Interact, their almost kiss (which the doctor was so ready to duck out of as soon at the thing beeped, but you can tell by the look on rouge's face that he's for sure trying that again later). the doctor showing actual episode-arc spanning romantic interest in a character, let alone a specifically queer one... that doesnt happen a lot.

(the girl in the fireplace has a lot of superficial similarities, though you could also argue that madame de pompadour was far more romantically into ten than he was into her. thirteen's characteristically very awkward attempt at flirting towards yaz in the sea devils special didnt have nearly as much focus on it)

but really the point is the doctor was kissed! for the first time on tv in ten years!!!! and it was a queer kiss!! and that romance was The Major Part of the episode!! the doctor doctorwho was gay kissing a man on out television screens after a genuinely quite good build up!!!!!!!!!!! it would of of course be amazing if rouge makes another appearance (i think he will, most likely in a later season instead of the next 2 eps), and even better if we had a longer arc of that romance, but we got it!!! actual canonical queer romance for the doctor!! their first canon kiss in like at least a couple hundred years of their life, and while i am an aspec doctor who believer there are 100% time when he feels attraction and this was for sure one if them. and it was really beautiful & emotional & the flirting was fun & rouge was a good character & their dynamic was really good and yay!!!!

[utilitycaster]

I keep thinking abt your "'must a story have conflict?' Yes actually hope this helps" posts in the context of laudna and imogen because like. Their shippers keep saying like. "You just don't UNDERSTAND the beauty of their Perfect Relationship, the bond that Traumatized People have that makes them In Tune, so sad how you will never understand love or being with another etcetera etcetera" and it's like. what the hell are you talkinf about (they're usually the kind of ppl with weird and bad narrative ideas re: their traumas so uwu sad everyone is against them). Don't we want this relationship to be healthy and beneficial to both of them? Don't get me wrong, I love Toxic Girl Yuri fucked up tragic relationships as much as anyone else but shippers pretty clearly aren't angling for that kind of story, and neither would the trajectory of the campaign support it. The onscreen dynamic isn't even spicy enough to HAVE toxic codependency it's just. There.

what's funny is that actually my favorite era of their relationship was the "we transcend labels, you and I" thing Laudna said to Imogen. Partly bc personal aro feelings but also because THAT felt like genuine no expectations support to fall back on. The idea that they could just Be and always be It wasn't ASKING for the kind of dynamicism of a romantic relationship such and such, but now with the girlfriends thing, it feels like now there should be WAY more than what's been happening. Does any of this make sense?

Hey anon,

So I largely agree (will cover the one point of not entire agreement below). I do want to note that if you're the person who's sent me other questions recently on this topic please feel free to DM me! I think it's valid to want to voice those frustrations, and I get not wanting to do so publicly (though I think the harassment on Tumblr at least has largely died down) but also to be completely honest I have been fully in a Nein and Candela headspace with a handful of exceptions mostly relating to wiki stuff so I've been answering these anons but I'll admit it's not where my thoughts have been re: CR stuff for the past few weeks.

Anyway, I can understand the desire for a QPR or simply close friends for Imogen and Laudna! I am not aro myself, and I do enjoy a good romantic plot, but I'd rather have a well-executed story with no romance than a good story slightly marred by poorly done romance. However, it's actually really interesting to me (in a good/neutral way) that you recall it as "we transcend labels" because the actual quote (3x49, 4:52:57) is "We transcend words, you and I" and I could not stand that because my frustration has again always been that they spend a lot of time talking, and absolutely none of it communicating; they have never transcended words, they have simply not fucking used them well. More generously, I think a relationship in which a couple is on such a wavelength that they do have a sense of how the other feels without needing to talk (or read minds, in this situation) can be aspirational in real life, though again, I don't think that's actually what's going on here; but even if it were, that is not remotely interesting to watch. I truly do not give a shit in the end if relationships on the shows I watch are healthy or unhealthy provided the narrative knows what it's fucking doing and I think people who are obsessed with unproblematic wholesomeness are frankly suspect, but man, either be toxic codependent yuri or be two people trying to understand each other, instead of two people who seem to only occasionally remember that they are important to each other, and never seem to remember why.

But yes, the fact that virtually nothing has changed despite a relationship upgrade, especially in light of the relationship losing my interest as a platonic thing 30 or 40 episodes prior to them becoming a romantic couple is now thrown into more stark relief because you'd think something would change. Like, that's the thing. There was no romance; there was no plot. While I think the people who insisted from the start that CLEARLY they were already dating are the kind of people who would unironically ship my mop and broom solely on the basis of them leaning against each other next to my garbage can, at least if they had already been dating from the start a lack of forward momentum could be somewhat forgiven. I say somewhat, because Veth and Yeza were married from before the campaign or, for a platonic option, the twins were...twins from before the campaign, and both those relationships were still infinitely more complex and ever-changing and thoughtful over the course of their respective campaigns than whatever Imogen and Laudna were doing; it still, to be clear, would have been dishwater dull. But it would have been forgivably so; I would have simply politely lost interest episode 5 or whenever and moved on without saying much, whereas now there's a series of increasingly lowered bars in their wake.

So anyway, yeah. It sure is There.