#the attention and love i so desperately and carnally desire. am a sad little fucker atm

[outlying-hyppocrate]

i bought roses for my entire class, and they all gave me a round of applause! i know they're probably just going to give them to their moms or something, but the attention was nice while it lasted (:

[nalakira]

Rescue (part 2)

Hello! I’ve posted the first part of this story on November 1 in participation for inuvember and comfortember, but things happened and I wasn’t able to continue :( But then this morning, I was so surprised to see that @shinidamachu and @ouranor reblogged it and their comments on the tags made me so happy it gave me energy to write this second part. So uhm, I hope you guys like this too, and I hope you don’t mind me tagging you. (I’m a bit new to the fandom and I’m shy lol)

I hope everyone enjoys this as much as I do (though it is still angsty)

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Fuck.

That was the first thought that crossed Inuyasha's mind when the owner of the brothel saw him sneaking inside. Not for carnal desires, no. But for his stomach which had been grumbling for almost a day now.

He was wandering aimlessly when he passed by what he heard was the house of whores and sluts. For the life of him, he could not understand why those women - and some, girls - were called degrading names when none of them deserved those. Was it their damn fault that life had put them in such desperate situations they resorted to prostitution?

It was more than seven winters since his mother passed away, and in that time he had learned just how much cruel the world could be. He learned how to brave the harshness of nature, the pangs of hunger, the brutality of beatings, both from humans and demons alike. What he realized when his mother died was just reaffirmed day after day. He was alone. On his own. And he fucking did not know for how long.

Several nights after he was banished from the village, Inuyasha came across someone who smelled and looked like him. The demon just glared at him haughtily, and then stepped away. He knew later on that he was Sesshoumaru, his half-brother. He learned this from a flea demon who introduced himself as Myouga, who apparently was Inuyasha's vassal.

Myouga stayed with him for a while. He taught him how to use his claws to defend himself, and even how to kill and skin rabbits for his meals. Myouga was too much chattery though, and Inuyasha did not care for such noise, especially coming from a stranger. So he shooed the flea demon away, a decision he later regretted when he felt so lonely and scared.

On the first moonless night without his mother to hold him, Inuyasha wailed like a little child. For he is a little child. Half demon or not, he was still a kid. A kid who needed attention, companion, protection. A kid who was now wandering around, no particular direction to go to, subjected to dangers no one warned him about.

So when he saw Sesshoumaru again, he pleaded with his brother. He begged him to care for him. They were family, after all. If the people from the village could be so heartless, surely, his own brother would not be.

Fuck that.

That damn brother of his just scoffed, and when he held Sesshoumaru's clothes to stop him from leaving, he was kicked at his stomach so hard that several trees went down with him.

Inuyasha knew rejection when he saw one. So he stood up, jumped from tree to tree, and never looked back at that asshole.

If that fucker wouldn't care for him, so what?

Since that day, he knew no one can and will rescue him. No one but himself.

So when Inuyasha was caught stealing food from the brothel's kitchen, at a moonless night, he used whatever energy reserves he had left to run. The man was shouting and holding a butcher's knife as he chased Inuyasha, and the commotion attracted more people to escape from.

With some luck he was able to successfully ran away far from the brothel, and he smirked as he looked at his prize.

The next morning, when his youki had come back again, he continued his journey to the village of a guardian miko. He heard rumors of a powerful jewel that would grant any wish, and he would be damned if he did not get his hands on it. He would steal that jewel from the miko that protects it, and said jewel would transform him into a demon with so much strength and ferocity no one would dare cross him.

At least that was his plan.

The miko, called Kikyou, had plans of her own. She did not treat him the way she did the other demons with like intentions of stealing the jewel. Sure, she fired arrows at him. But never to purify, never to kill.

Maybe she afforded him the same treatment he was giving her. Doing what had to be done without using murder. So he tried to steal the jewel without killing her, and she protected it without killing him.

It was an established routine for several days until Kikyou surprised him one day.

While Inuyasha was pinned to a tree, again, he threatened with a growl that he would not be merciful next time. He would kill the miko if he must.

The priestess leveled him with a look that he thought translated to her unbelief of his words. She then looked him in the eye and asked what his name was.

He was so taken aback that he flinched, and leaves had fallen due to his sudden movement. She asked for his name?

He knew he was fucked when he felt  ... sad? Amazed? Grateful? Fuck he wasn't even sure what he felt when she asked for his name. No one knew his name. Maybe the people from his old village did, but he was never called by his name. He was always 'beast', 'monster', 'halfbreed'.

The priestess patiently waited for him to answer and damn him if he knew why he did. "Inuyasha," he heard himself saying.

Kikyou just nodded and walked away.

The fuck?!

Had he been this starved for companionship that when he was asked for his name, he felt seen? Real? Because wasn't that the first stage of having acquaintances? Knowing names?

The next days, he did not try stealing the jewel again. No, he stalked the priestess and watched her ways. He had to formulate a plan. He needed to catch her unaware for him to get the jewel.

But the priestess was as capable as she was beautiful.

One day, as she was resting after a fight with four demons at once, she closed her eyes and in that moment, Inuyasha saw a glimpse of a woman with too much burden. She actually looked tired and sad. When Kikyou opened her eyes, she saw him and fuck did she smile?

The day after that, Kikyou called his name and asked if they could chat. Inuyasha growled at that. What would they talk about?

"Why do you seek the sacred jewel, Inuyasha?"

"I wish to be a full demon."

"My suspicion is correct then."

He did not know what to make of that conversation, and of her as a whole.

Once, she said, "We are alike, Inuyasha."

He chuckled at that. How the fuck were they the same?

"I cannot show weakness to anyone. Although I am human, I am not allowed to act like one."

In a way, he understood that. Although she was full human, because of her unique responsibility to the jewel, she could not live as ordinary humans do. Just like how despite of him being half-human, he could not live like one, because well, he was only half-human.

But he supposed that was a very light comparison. At least she had people that loved her. But how would he know how much of a burden her powers were? It wasn't like she asked for it, just like how he didn't ask to be born a hanyou.

He continued watching her since that conversation. He knew that she knew he was just near, and he was grateful that she did not mind his presence. Even though most of the time he was unacknowledged, her lack of hatred and disgust for him was way better than anyone had afforded him.

So when she suggested that he use the jewel to transform him to being a full human instead, he readily agreed. She was giving him a chance to an ordinary, uncomplicated life with her, and he wanted it. He believed in his heart that it was the rescue he was still regrettably longing for.

But then the shit with Naraku happened. What Inuyasha had with Kikyou - he did not know if it could at least be called friendship - easily crumbled under his lies and manipulations.

One moment he was stealing the jewel from the shrine right after “Kikyou” betrayed him, and then the next, a badly wounded priestess full of rage shouted, "Die, Inuyasha."

As his eyes succumbed to a heavy sleep, which he supposed was actually death, he once again realized that wishing for rescue was futile. How could he have forgotten that no one but himself will rescue him?

He knew that people believed in next lives. He wondered if a hanyou like him would have a next life too. Fuck if he knew.

But in the farthest corner of his heart, one that he refused to admit, he wished that the next time he opened his eyes, rescue will welcome him.