#never felt this bad before. Well.. I guess when I had a kidney infection but I don't like this lack of breathing thing. I can breath but

[cosmic-ships]

I'm missing promo hour again. I can't participate because the only thing I can think of right now is

"It feels like I'm dying irl please follow me" lol

[hit-me-with-a-ladle]

Ch.5 of Creepepastas x fem!reader

A/N: This is ch5 of a long-running series. The next chapter is going to dive deeper into other characters so I hope you'll like them. The chapter is very long so enjoy<3

TW: blood, organs injuries.

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Minutes felt like hours, hours felt like days, and by the end of the excruciating training, the girl had travel back to the cabin covered in cuts and bruises barely able to stand. As for Jack, he was fine and dandy, not caring that she kept panting and groaning in pain while walking. Though, after tripping for the third time because her knees couldn't hold the weight of her barely moving body, Jack got considerably aggravated. "Can you hurry up," He spat, contempt undoubtedly evident from the way he was standing and continued on his way not even bothering to wait for her. She glared daggers at his back and slowly stood with the help of a nearby tree. Supporting herself on anything she could find in her surroundings, slowly but surely she was finally able to walk to the cabin.

Before entering enter. She noticed Jack had already arrived and was reading. Rage tainted the girl's mind, ' That scum-bag, how could he not wait for me?' Storming in with a limp she didn't even look in his direction, instead, immediately going to the stairs to go to her room. But as she was about to leave, Jack spoke up out of nowhere. "There's a medkit in the bathroom, which is across the hall from your bedroom. You should stop the bleeding and take care of all the cuts," What he said made the girl even more hostile," Why do you even care?" She spoke sneeringly, not paying him any mind, carrying on her way. "Well, we will be training again in a few hours so you should fix everything up and get some rest." He stated again with a sigh and continue reading. The girl loudly forced out a breath in reasonable frustration while attempting to go to the bathroom, not carrying to answer.

Solace washed over her as she reached the final step of the long narrow wooden staircase, and slowly approached the bathroom door. Grabbing the circular handle and gently twisting it, she entered. It was a considerably small rectangle-shaped room although perfect for single-person use. Located inside by the far right corner was a small walk-in shower with sliding plastic doors that seemed to have a foggy design. Right next to it, a white basket meant for storing dirty clothes, and a boiler connected to the walk-in shower, and the was toilet positioned opposite the shower. Near it was the sink with cupboards above and a dirty mirror and next to the sink, a washer and a drier placed one on top of the other. There was also a long vertical mirror across the doors

Looking at the wall she noticed that bark brown marble tyles covered the lower half of the wall while the upper half was painted in a dull shade of white. Nearing the sink, she opened one of the cupboard doors that were lazily covered, in cheap grey paint. Glancing inside, she noticed the medkit Jack informed her about, it was covered in cobwebs and had dust all over it, slowly reaching within she grabbed it and instantly pulled it out. Causing all of the trinkets inside to vigorously rattle. Turning around and putting it down on the clothes basket, she looked at herself in the mirror. Suffice to say she was surprised that the coveralls she was wearing didn't have any tears, just a bit dirty.

Taking them off, she tossed them in the washer and turned it on. " So it'll only take ten minutes to wash, that good." She said to herself, relieved. Scowling, when she looked at her wounds. There was a rather large bruise on the lower part of her leg, though it wasn't as bad as she thought it would still get infected if she let it be. There were also many deep cuts sprawled all around her body. ' I should take care of this.'

Reaching for the kit and opening it up, she looked to see what exactly the red metal box contained. Inside were many items, most of them she could name. There were different sized band-aids and sterile gauze pads, adhesive tapes, elastic bandaids, antiseptic solution, and much more. She first grabbed the antiseptic solution and dabbed some on the gauze pads, slowly cleaning the deep cuts she had. And then after finishing she swiftly started bandaging up the wound she had on her leg.

Though feeling great pain, she still soldiered through and cleaned all of the injuries. After finishing, she grabbed the clothes in the washer and put them in the dryer. "Guess I should wait another 10 minutes. What should I do now?" Walking out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her body she ran to her room.

Opening the door she noticed her old clothes were gone and one of the closet doors was slightly open, feeling a little uneasy she went to check it. She could feel her stomach turn the moment she opened the closet doors but was soon taken aback by the area of the same blue jumpsuits Jack gave her this morning. They were all the same size, odourless and finely ironed. Not bothering to question why and how they were there, she sighed in relief that she had something to wear. Instantly changed and limping to her bed to lay down for some rest.

Slamming her head in her pillow she looked up at the ceiling, 'What's happening? Is this just some sick dream?...No,...it can't be, if it was I should have woken up by now. But never the less, there has to be a way out and I'm going to find it. I just need to gain their trust first and work out my plan as time passes.' Reassuring herself, she fell into a slumber.

After a few hours, she woke up. Getting up in a tired daze she looked around the room confused but soon remember why she was there and let out a loud grunt of frustration. Slowly limping out of her room she went downstairs not bothering to see if Jack was still there. Peering into the kitchen she saw the silhouette of a hunched man leaning over the refrigerator. Uncertainty washed over her as she was not sure who that was but soon assumed it was Jack. Though, as she was about to enter she was stopped in her tracks as the hunched man tore himself away from the fridge giving the girl the chance to take a good look at him.

Her face turned pale when she did as she saw Jack's mask lifted to the half of his face revealing his hark-like teeth covered in some kind of tinted red liquid. She assumed he had put something back inside the fridge. The man had a crooked smile on his face as he slowly put his mask back down his face. ' How didn't I notice it earlier when I was eating? Was it even there? No, it couldn't have been I would've noticed. Right? Yeah, yeah I would've definitely noticed!' Her mind was in a panicked frenzy as she was zoning out while looking at the ground not noticing that Jack was approaching her until he spoke up. "You're able to walk I see?" He remarked sarcastically as he towered over her. She gulped, but her throat was dry so it felt like sandpaper was going down her throat walls.

"Yeah..." She murmured turning her head away from him, even though she couldn't see his face anymore she could still feel his eyes piercing into her soul as she entered the kitchen. Slowly approaching the fridge she tried to act unfazed. Couthesly opening its doors her stomach started spinning, though getting a better look she didn't notice anything out of the ordinary, all until she looked deeper inside. In the back, blocked by all the other food, there was a jar slathered in red liquid with some kind of bean-shaped meat, it almost resembled a kidney.

All of the worst possibilities passed her mind as her face turned pale and her mind went static. Jack seemed to notice and suddenly slammed the refrigerator doors shut as he stood in front of the girl. The sudden action made her look at him as she gulped. "What are you looking at?" He spoke up, crossing his arms, he seemed more amused than anything else as he looked down at her. "I was just getting something to eat." She quickly replied and backed away anxiously. "You sure? I mean you were looking in there for a while, did you see something you didn't enjoy." He darkly expressed as he approached, but she stood her ground, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of her withdrawal even if she was shit-scared.

"No...I should make myself something to eat now." Blanckly retorting she moves past him, in an attempt to get herself out of the uncomfortable situation she was in. Reaching the kitchen counter she avoided getting near the refrigerator at all costs as she searched the cabinets for something else to eat. That morning she noticed that all the food in the cabin was very nutritious, there was nothing that could be deemed unhealthy. Inside she could see some cereals and bars of what she assumed was granola, but also different varieties of pasta. Taking in a deep breath she took ahold of it and got ready to cook.

Placing the pot filled with water on the stove for it to boil she searched for salt. With every step she took Jacks eyes didn't leave the back of her head. He seemed intrigued by what she was doing almost as if he had never seen anything like it before. After a while, she was finally done and put all of the food on a plate. Glancing back she noticed that Jack had sat down on the table with his head resting on his right hand, looking at her. Carefully approaching the table, she sat across from him. Starting to eat, she didn't look at him, choosing to stare at her food instead.

"You have ten minutes to eat before we go back to training." He vocalized as he calmly waited for a response. "Ok." She muttered still not looking up at him. "I know you saw me eating. That's why you've been so quiet." His whole demeanour was calm as his words piercing her stomach like knives. Her eyes widened for a second as her face contorted in surprise. "Well, I didn't see anything so...it doesn't matter." She promptly addressed, ultimately peering up at him. "Oh c'mon now. Don't lie. I mean do you think that I didn't notice you gawking at me as I ate. That's rather rude don't you think?"

She kept her mouth shut as her gaze wandered around the room. At that moment Jack got up from his seat getting closer to the girl's direction, her body went tense. "Tell me, do you want to see what I eat? Arent you even the slightest bit curious." He mused as he inched closer and closer. She again refused to look at him so he took ahold of her face, making her. "Answer me." He demanded. Taking in a sharp breath she just said "No." Jack then straightened his back as he neared the fridge calmly opening it up and searching inside. After a while, he finally found what he was looking for and quickly pulled it out.

It was the red jar, Jack then placed it in front of her. Opening it up a foul stanched advanced through the room. Her face scrunched up and she felt as if she was going to throw up just by the smell itself. "Wanna give it a guess to what it is?" He asked as he got another plate putting it in front of the girl. He took the substance out of the jar, red dripping down his hand as he placed it on the plate. She froze as her eyes widened, she was sure of what it was. "It's...it's a kidney." She said squeezing her eyes shut, pushing the plate away.

Jack darkly chuckled, "Lucky guess." He said amused by her reaction. He was forbidden from physically hurting her but that didn't mean he couldn't have some fun. "Wanna try it?" He spoke as he grabbed the organ shoving it in her face taunting her with it. She shook her head trying to get up from her seat. "Oh well, too bad." Jack grabbed his mask and put it halfway up his face, his shark-like teeth were perfectly visible again, they were extremely sharp and had a silver tint to them. He took a big bite from the organ, a sickening ripping and mushing sound was heard from jack as he ate it. The girl watched in absolute horror and quickly got up and running to puke in the sink.

Jack could be heard laughing at her as he chewed. "Well get cleaned up, were going to train again in a bit." He spoke with delight as he put the kidney back in its place and in the fridge. She could hardly stand as she saw him walking out of the kitchen. Gaining her composure after a while she finally went to find him. The training was as gruelling as the last time and at the end of it, she was extremely tyred.

Going to her room she lied on the bed and eventually, she fell into another dreamless slumber.

[ellaintrigue]

I've had health problems for nearly a decade now, stemming from urinary things. Things I would already have but on top of it I get kidney stones which is sadly genetic. I am on a diet for it but nonetheless I get the fucking bastards roughly yearly at this point. When I first started getting them I would jump in the horse bucket, which was always cold, to numb the pain. Last year I went to the ER with one and they found out I had passed it but it had, well, ripped up my pee hole. I was in agony!

So last week I didn't feel well, then got my period, still didn't feel well. Swollen ovaries and the OTHER shit I get (I have so much going on). Well, I got up one morning and just doubled over. I was having cramps almost as bad as when I went to the ER last September. Fuck! I was in intense, INTENSE pain to the point I was almost gasping. It lasted 20 minutes while I contemplated going to the doctor, then I felt cramped for 3 days after that.

Finally I figured out, or my best guess, was that the stone was in my bladder so I could barely piss for two days. I was miserable but just went to work on the computer as usual. The problem with these kinds of pains and also regular fatigue and my other issues is that it all makes me weak, dizzy, and unable to focus. So while I would most definitely call out of work at my previous, physical job, with the computer job I can barely work either because I have to read and write and well, my head is a blur. A lot of people, including my mom, don't understand that. Like hey, your job is just on a computer, why can you just sit and work?

The last night of this nonsense I got wasted which isn't great but holy fuck, pain. (I don't normally binge or get shit faced, believe it or not.) They gave me painkillers at the ER last year and I took them the day I had bad cramps but I am not a pill kind of girl. Only take that shit if you're dying. Plus the pee factor. I drink citrus, vinegar and all that but in the end nothing makes you piss like alcohol. I've literally used beer to push out a stone before because it makes me pee so much. And the real irony is that alcohol in general inhibits the development of stones. If I didn't drink I could very well end up with much bigger and more problematic stones. Obviously no one should drink but sometimes life has its laughable moments.

I was in pain the whole night despite the booze which means it was pretty bad and the next day I woke up bleeding. I had finally passed the motherfucker without going to the ER to whine. Woo hoo! Now to look out for infection. People have told me to go to a specialist, blah blah but I already have and between that, my GP, and the ER I've had everything tested and I just have a weak bladder, messed up female parts, and scarring. So there's really nothing anyone can do since I don't retain urine or anything dangerous. I just have to live with it, which is fine, EXCEPT THE DAMN STONES which will happen anyway. All I can do is diet. There is no sure fire way to prevent kidney stones, especially when they run in the family.

I honestly think the worst part is that not many people really listen to me during these times because they either think I'm seeking attention or it's too much drama for them. All I told mom and other people was that I was doubling over in pain that one morning and was trying to get past it. I wasn't rambling in an emotional way or crying, just stating a fact when people asked how I was. Mom rapidly changed the topic while I was sitting there squirming and sweating (I mean she has fucking cancer so I probably shouldn’t even say anything to her about my issues to be fair). Then over the course of the day everyone stopped talking to me as soon as I mentioned I was sick except for my best friend who just changed the topic on me and another guy I talk to who was like, "wow that sucks, I hope you feel better!" That man had told me before how he hurt his leg and we have honest conversations. He seems really cool but at the same time I don't think I should have to be surprised when someone is nice or sticks around when I'm not having a good day. Again I wasn't screaming or bitching, just saying I was trying to pass a kidney stone and that I was hurting!

Years ago when I was with the ex before last I had an episode I get very rarely but is very agonizing. Doctors can't quite figure it out, they think it's something to do with a bad nerve near my heart if I remember right. Basically I feel like I have indigestion but the cramps spread throughout my jaw and shoulders. It feels like I'm being crushed and stabbed around my shoulders and I can't move or function, it's agonizing pain in waves. I normally just cry from the pain but it was fucking  ridiculous one night so I was literally wailing. All I could feel were these excruciating waves of agony from my jaw to my shoulders. So I was laying on the bed nearly paralyzed from it because every time I moved it hurt worse. And my ex started yelling at me to stop it. “Stop crying! Just stop this!!” Then he huffed out of the room angry and I literally forgot about him because I was in too much pain to care. He didn't calm down until I did, because he couldn't stand my cries of pain. He didn't offer to do anything to help.

In 2017 I got the same thing, RIGHT before my last ex came over. He texted me to unlock the door and the second he saw me he knew I wasn't right. I could only gasp to him that I was sick because of the pain again radiating around my shoulders making it so I couldn't move my neck. I choked out the my body was seized up and he instantly took action. He filled up the bathtub and put me down in it and started working his hands around my shoulders to try and loosen up my muscles or whatever was causing the pain. It eventually went away and I apologized for ruining the night. He said that I hadn't and that I was also never under any obligation to have sex with him. He said we could always do whatever I wanted, even when I wasn't sick. I will never forget his kindness because once when I was having horrible period cramps I had another ex tell me that he wished I could just fuck him anyway or at least blow him when I was sick. Sometimes it really does feel like most people only care about themselves.

[pandastern]

Gravity (Bakugou x OC)

Part 9: Get Well Cards

If youd like to be added to the taglist for upcoming parts please dm me :)

Bakugou x Vigilante!OC

Warnings: angst, explicit language, violence

Word count:   2255

Genre: enemies to lovers ; angst ; romance, slow burn

When a new student makes an entrance, Bakugou has a real bad feeling. There is something about this girl that just doesnt feel right. From the flaming hair to the calculating glint in her green eyes, everything about her just pisses him off.

Little does he know that his fate is intertwined with the person he despises so much, defining his future path in a way he would have never expected

When Artemis awoke, she was only slightly surprised to find herself in the hospital ward still. How long had she been out of it for? She couldn’t tell anymore. Her dreams had remained unforgiving, making her wake up sweat soaked and screaming. The images of the facility and what had happened in USJ had somehow merged in her head into a cocktail of terror, making it impossible for her to lower her own adrenaline levels and relax.

Closing her eyes, Artemis forced herself to breathe deeply. She needed to calm down and focus on reality. After all, couldn’t forget the reason why she’d come to UA in the first place.

The sound of an opening door caught her attention and made her turn towards her new visitor.

“Ah, you’re finally awake, darling,” said a tiny old lady wearing a hero costume and a big smile. Recovery Girl, Artemis guessed. So, she was in fact not in the city hospital, but the school medical wing. Made sense.

“How do you feel?”

Tired. Hurt. Exhausted.

“I’m fine… How long was I out for?” Artemis sat up, unable to stop herself from flinching as a sharp pain shot through her back.

“Three days.” Recovery Girl eyed her carefully before pulling a chair up to her bedside. “You only just escaped death, my dear. It was a terrible incident.”

Artemis’s face betrayed nothing as she stared at her hands. A terrible incident? Is that what they were calling it? Of course. They had to keep face somehow. 

“You’ll be glad to hear that except for you, your classmate Midoriya and your teachers Aizawa and Thirteen, no-one has been injured. You were especially lucky. If the knife had been just a little deeper, it would have punctured your kidney and you would have bled out. It’s a miracle that you were able to fight so long with that kind of wound.”

Artemis swallowed. It had been that bad, huh? She could see the concern in the old lady’s eyes. A miracle... Artemis scoffed silently. No, not a miracle. Just the result of a lifetime of arduous and gruesome training. No matter how hard the fight, her own safety had never mattered. Only the result. Not that Recovery Girl would understand that.

Besides, what other choice did she have? Lie down and wait for death? Rely on others to protect her? No-one had ever protected her from anything.

“Will there be long-term consequences to this wound?” Artemis asked dryly.

She detected a hint of pity in Recovery Girl’s eyes, like she was a child that needed comfort. But Artemis didn’t need sympathy. She wasn’t a child, and she certainly wasn’t about to allow herself to be coddled.

“I was able to heal the wound in your back, but the poison is another story,” said Recovery Girl with a deep sigh. “I wasn’t able to stop the scarring because the poison had already infected the tissue around the wound. The poison itself was rather strong, so I’m afraid it’s going to take a while for your body to fight it off completely. However, I’m confident that you’ll make a full recovery. You just have to take it easy for a while.”

That made sense, Artemis thought. By controlling her own bloodflow, she’d allowed the poison to spread through her body way faster than it normally would have. She groaned and rubbed her eyes.

“So, I have to take it easy for the next couple of days?” she asked

“More like the next couple of weeks.”

“What?!”

Recovery Girl gave Artemis a scolding look. “You escaped death by only a hair’s breadth! Do you really expect to be up and running as normal in just a few days? The only reason we got to you so fast was because of the young boy, Bakugou, who carried you to the medics as soon as he arrived back at the USJ.”

Artemis’s heart jumped. He’d really carried her through the entire facility like that? Most of her memories of that time were so foggy, and yet there were a few details she remembered vividly that haunted like already nightmare-filled dreams.

The fear in his eyes as he’d held her close, like she was made of glass and could burst at any moment. The desperation in his voice, begging her to stay conscious. Artemis couldn’t work out why he’d done that for her. No-one had ever cared about her like that before. Why would anyone ever think her life was important? So long as the job got done, why did it matter?

Recovery Girl cleared her throat, pulling Artemis out of her thoughts.

“Speaking of your friends,” said the old lady in a softer tone, “it seems you gave all of them quite a scare. They came here to visit while you were still sleeping, so I told them to leave the get well cards on your night stand.”

That made Artemis perk up. “Friends?” she asked in confusion. “Get well cards?”

Turning slightly, Artemis spotted a collection of cards and even a basket full of snacks and flowers.

“What on earth?” she mumbled, picking up one of the cards and opening it to find a pretty handwritten note signed from Uraraka. The next one was from Midorya. There were others from Iida, Kirishima, Sero and even Kaminari. All of her classmates had taken the time to write a little something for her, wishing her a swift recovery.

Artemis wasn’t sure how to feel about this. They barely knew her. Why would they take the time to do such a thing?

“You look confused, darling.” Recovery Girl laughed softly. “Aren’t you happy that your friends have been thinking of you?”

Staring at the hero in front of her, Artemis blinked and looked over the cards again. “I wasn’t even aware that I had friends. Why would they give me all this stuff?”

Recovery Girl stared at her, a little bewildered. She chuckled softly. “Oh, silly girl. It’s because they’re your friends and worried about your wellbeing, of course!”

After a few more tests, Recovery Girl left Artemis alone to pack up. Despite the old lady’s concern, she’d insisted she be discharged early so she could go back to class. Artemis hated hospitals. They always reminded her of that god forsaken shithole she’d crawled out of. 

So, after she’d been forced to promise not to partake in any kind of combat until she was completely healed, Artemis was released. After she’d put her few belongings into her backpack, she emptied the basket her friends had brought her. She still couldn’t understand what all the fuss was about. She’d only exchanged a few words with most of her classmates so far. So why had they gone through this trouble? It was a weird thought.

While sorting through the gifts, Artemis noticed a small balled up piece of paper that had fallen to the ground. It looked like a page ripped out of a notebook.

Slowly, she leaned down, pick it up and unfurled it. The words that stared up at her were written in a messy scrawl.

Don’t fucking die.

Several other things had been scribbled across the paper, but whoever had written them had scratched them out so aggressively she couldn’t even begin to read what they said.

The three simple words screamed ‘Bakugou’, but she quickly put that thought out of her head. There was no way he’d write her a note, was there? Then again, he’d said those same words while carrying her through the USJ…

Again, her heart jumped in a way she couldn’t explain.

If Artemis thought the get well cards were confusing, then she was not prepared for the reaction of her classmates when she showed up for the next class.

The moment she entered the room, the whole class swarmed her, asking her how she felt and if she was okay. Kaminari even tried to take her backpack from her, though she quickly refused him.

It took a lot out of Artemis to smile and entertain her classmates’ concerns, trying her best not to look uncomfortable. She didn’t know how to handle this kind of attention and a part of her regretted having not gone straight home.

The class finally quieted down when a heavily bandaged Aizawa showed up. Artemis couldn’t believe that this man had dragged his arse to school, despite looking barely held together by a few stitches. So, 

Recovery Girl hadn’t joked around when she’d said that her teachers had gotten it bad, though she couldn’t help but respect his dedication to his work. 

Walking to her seat, she noticed a pair of eyes following her through the room. Bakugou was the only one who hadn’t come up to greet her. He sat at the back, his feet kicked up on his desk, watching her.

In any other circumstance, Artemis would have thrown a snarky remark his way, but something inside stopped her. If what Recovery Girl had told her was true, then she owed him one. Not to mention that note…

Raising her hand, she awkwardly waved at him. He scoffed and looked away.

Artemis took her seat and kept her eye facing the front. So, he was back to sulking again. Fine. She knew they’d been forced to cooperate at the USJ, but she couldn’t help but feel… disappointed.

Aizawa took his place at his desk and started the lesson with his signature big sigh.

“All right class. In two weeks, the school will hold its annual sports festival. As you all know, this is a lifetime opportunity for all of you, so I expect you all to give your absolute best!” he said while flipping through some papers. “Many high-ranking heroes will be in attendance to scout out newcomers, so take this competition seriously.”

“Is that really a good idea? After all, we were just attacked by villains,” Kaminari blurted out. “What if it happens again?”

A wave of whispers swept through the class. Artemis couldn’t blame them. Such a spectacle involved them putting their skills out in the open for everyone to see. It was the perfect invitation for more trouble, sooner or later.

“There will be additional security for the whole event. Apparently, the school thinks it’s best to show off to prove these grounds are safe.”

Even Artemis was able to hear that scoff. Of course, UA would have that attitude. Who cared about kids getting attacked when your image was on the line, right?

For the rest of the class, she just zoned out. She didn’t particularly care for the sports festival, but she’d take part. After all, she needed to pass this school for her own reasons.

When everyone was finally dismissed and all her classmates started to pack up, chattering excitedly about the upcoming competition, Artemis could just think about getting some peace and quiet. Perhaps she’d go up to the rooftop and rest for a bit, far away from the eyes that kept looking her over with unnecessary concern.

She grabbed her stuff quickly and stood up, ready to sneak out before anyone could swoop in and ask her to lunch, but Aizawa stepped in front of her just before she reached the door.

“Ms Moon. I’d like a word with you.”

Of course. She felt her already-sour mood drop a few notches. Was he really going to lecture her about what had happened at the USJ when he himself looked like a poor excuse of a mummy?

“Of course, sir,” she said, crossing her arms. “What do you want to talk about?”

Once everyone else was gone, Aizawa sat down at his desk and looked up at her. His face was impassive behind his bandages, betraying nothing of what was to come next.

“I’ve read the report of the USJ incident. How are you feeling now?” he asked.

“I’m fine. There’s nothing to worry about,” said Artemis.

“I see. Recovery Girl is of the opinion that I should exclude you from the sports festival due to the injuries you’ve sustained,” said Aizawa. His eyes searched hers, though for what, she couldn’t tell.

Artemis grit her teeth. “There’s no need for that. I’m perfectly fine and don’t need special treatment. My injury’s almost healed. Besides, we still have two weeks left, right? I want to compete.”

“Well, you do seem pretty adamant,” Aizawa replied sceptically.

“I am. I don’t need to be coddled, Mr Aizawa. I think I’ve proven that I’m much tougher than I may look.”

All this fuss over a stab wound, Artemis though. All she wanted was be left alone to get on with her life. She didn’t need anyone to baby her.

Aizawa raised his eyebrows as he shuffled the papers on his desk. “All right, I’ll let you take part. However, I expect you to use these two weeks to recover. If I see any signs that you’re not up to giving one hundred percent, I will take you out of the festival. In the meantime, you are not to attend combat training classes, though I’ll allow you to watch. Is that clear?”

His words sounded final. Even if she’d wanted to, Artemis doubted she could change. Besides, she could always train in her own time. Nobody would be standing over her shoulder constantly, policing her movements like at school.

“I understand, sir.”

Aizawa tilted his chin up. “Good.”

Artemis turned to leave. She was yearning for some sort of peace and quiet… and perhaps a big can of energy drink, as well.

[cockroachmotherfucker10]

hi, idk if this is okay but here goes... this blog's really helped me a lot in recovery from AN. i've been doing well lately. since diagnosis, i've been on my own with this bc the mental health system in my country is broken. i guess my question is, do you have any tips for continuing recovery during grief? a really close friend has just passed and i can't get myself to stomach even a bite. i just don't know what to do, i'm lost. thanks in advance, it's okay if you don't reply to this, really.

Hey! I am so glad this blog could help you, it’s truly an honor! Also I live in America, my healthcare system also sucks ass. Recently had symptoms of kidney infection- couldn’t go to an in person doctor because the only place that took my insurance was closed in my city and they wouldn’t set me an appointment in person, though I tried to get one. Basically just had to tough it out- it sucked. Basically trying to validate you- having shitty healthcare is basically the worst.

As for grief, I am really sorry to hear that your friend passed away. It’s an absolutely horrible thing to go through, for every good memory you had with them you have to remember time and time again that they aren’t here anymore, and that’s a feeling that takes a really long time to become more okay with. Not that it’s the same thing, as everyone’s relationship with grief is different, but I lost a close grandmother on January 30th, 2020. I mourn her everyday, and it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through in my entire life. Still is. I miss her every day, and think about her all the time.

So some words on grief.

1. Cheesy, but it does get better with time.

I read an allegory for grief, and I have found it to be true. Grief is like a big ball inside of a tiny box (which represents you). Every time the ball touches the side of the box- it hurts really bad. You cry, you stare at the wall for hours, you lose your appetite, a lot of things. At first- your ball of grief is huge- and it’s constantly and randomly hitting the sides of the box. For me- the time around my grandmother’s death and funeral, I was completely out of commission. I couldn’t stop crying, and when I did I couldn’t focus on anything. I was completely incompacitated for weeks. But then- over time, the ball of grief gets smaller and smaller, and touches the side of the box less and less. Now, I can think about her without bursting into tears, I look back on my time with her with a sense of nostalgia rather than sharp pain most of the time. Now while my ball of grief is smaller- sometimes it still randomly touches the sides of my box, and I break down crying (hell- I am tearing up now lol). That’s okay. It’s all apart of the process. The grief never fully goes away- but it becomes less and less consuming. This does not mean you love your loved one any less, it just means your body gets better at metabolizing their absence so it hurts less. Also not you can’t force the ball to get smaller before it’s ready to (believe me- I tried). Just let it happen.

2. Express your emotions healthily

Want to know what not to do? Keep your emotions locked into your chest. Especially if you have an ED, it’s important to let yourself cry as hard and as often as you need to. What you don’t get out now will bite you in the ass later. It’s so, so painful. I have never cried so hard in my entire life than I did at my grandmother’s funeral, I couldn’t even get a word of apology out. It felt awful, and vulnerable, and it wasn’t pleasant at all. Crying is not fun, but it was necessary. Afterwards, I felt soooo much better. This is because crying chemically is like letting the extra air out of a balloon about to pop. There is no shame in it. Do it, and do it often. As often as you need, don’t hold it in. Let the pain come, and then when it is ready it will pass. Remember what you don’t process now you most certainly will be forced to process later in the form of chronic pain, worse depression, worse ED symptoms, and worse health. Let it out.

3. There is no wrong way to grieve

So I just spent all that time talking about crying- but it’s also possible that your grief will express itself in other ways, such as feeling numb, or even feeling fine. The key thing is to not judge how your body metabolizes this. Let it do what it needs to do, and do not judge it. To it body will do what it needs to do, fighting it is a pointless uphill battle. Accept it with self compassion, console yourself like a friend would. Tell yourself it’s okay to feel numb, or to cry, or to be okay, etc. let it happen.

4. Reach out for support

Be it from a friend, a family member, or a therapist (or best- all three!) if you feel like it would help you, reach out and talk about how you are feeling, or do something distracting. Mod Lia and I called the night I saw my grandmother for the last time, and we didn’t talk about it much at all. We watched She-ra. That helped a lot. Later I called another friend and talked about how I was feeling. Later I talked about it with Mod Lia, too. And of course my therapist- who helped me process it in a healthy way. On that note, especially with an Ed, if you can, get a therapist. Do it. Better than anybody they will be able to help you find the healthiest way to grieve, and help provide tips and accountability for preventing the worsening of an ED.

5. Tips on not drop kicking your ED behaviors further into hell

Having a schedule for eating (and other necessary activities) really helped me. At certain times, regardless of wether or not I was hungry, I forced myself to eat just because it was food time. Doing this prevents you from slipping into ED behaviors, especially when it is easy to do. Having a therapist or a willing friend to hold you accountable can also help. Express your emotions healthily. Talk to your loved one still, on walks or however. Talk about them in conversation. Do things that remind you of them. Make a memorial for them- whatever that means to you. Allow them to still occupy space in your life, if that feels right. If not, that’s fine. Taking care of yourself is hard, but if you don’t you are going to make it worse for yourself. It’s like puting an ankleweight in when you are already drowning. Take intentional steps (such as setting reminders and alarms) to ensure you take care of yourself, and even see if there are people who would do it with you. Like if you are having a hard time eating, see if a friend will have lunch with you every day at a certain time, or a couple different people (over the phone if need be). Plans, for me, really help me keep it together.

To sum it up, the biggest thing is to not fight the grieving process, set specific schedules for different aspects of self care (with alarms), reach out when you need help, and be patient because it takes time.

There is nothing I can say to make your loss feel better, but it is so hard to lose someone, and I’m sorry you have to go through that. Be patient, don’t expect a ton of productivity out of yourself, and just wait out these unpleasant storms. Thing are never going to feel the same ever again, but eventually you will get used to a new normal, and that doesn’t mean you are doing them an injustice. Keep remembering them, and be patient with yourself.

Best of wishes,

Mod Cass

[permanezca]

Men should never be gynecologists

I had a bacterial bladder infection in September. So, I went to the doctor. However, there was a misunderstanding and I was sent to the gynecologist instead of the general doctor. I asked if he could still help me, and he said yes. He explained my test results and told me that it was a result of having sex. He then asked me if I was in love.. how do I answer that question to a 70 year old man? Then he said he had to do a full exam. I decided to trust him and changed into the gown thing and sat on the examination table. We were the only ones in the room. He did an ultrasound and asked me about my life. I told him about my dad and how he was an ER doctor but died a few years ago. I told him that my conservative mother couldn't know that I had been sexually active. He inserted the speculum and camera and after some quick observation informed me that I had HPV that had caused moderate cervical displasia. He ran no actual exams. He told me it had been growing for at least three years, even though I hadn't been sexually active for that long and received the HPV vaccine at age 10. He claimed that I would have cervical cancer in 5 years if this supposed cell growth was not removed immediately. He then proceeded to insert a metal rod into my vagina and burn off the living tissue of my cervix while I was under no anesthesia. Once he burned all of it off and I had endured sufficient pain he asked me if I was religious. I said no, and he told me that I will someday need a faith to rely on when things go bad, and sent me on my way. I was under instruction to not inform my partner of what occured and what I was diagnosed with because it supposedly did not concern him. He had brought me to the appointment and was anxiously awaiting me outside, as it lasted much longer than expected. I was speechless. I had no idea what to tell him. After we left I broke down and told him everything. I felt so ashamed.

I kept this bottled up for a couple of weeks. I told myself everything was normal, that this doctor was right. My father was a doctor and had taught me to respect their opinions and practices. How could an well-renown experienced gynecologist like this man be wrong? I later confessed what occured to my woman's class. They were dumfounded at what occured. I then realized that my gut reaction had been right. None of what occured had been appropriate. This doctor had committed malpractice. I went to my school's directors who had recommended me this office, and they spoke with the doctor. However he informed them that what he saw was no big deal, that maybe in 10 years I would have cancer. He assured them that he had a trained eye. A few weeks before I had gone to a different gynecologist for my first routine check up. It went smoothly and she made me feel very comfortable. I came back to the doctors office to request the results of the papsmear and to talk with her. When I requested this the secretary scolded me and exclaimed that all the work the doctors do there was the same. I struggled to hold back tears. Once I finally managed to talk to the first gynecologist, she said she did not see anything of the like of what the other doctor talked about, so she did not include it in the test.

Fast forward a few months and I am in the hospital with a bacterial kidney infection, induced by a UTI that I didn't treat in fear that my mother would (again) scold me and rain Catholic doctrine upon me for having sex. She ended up buying an early ticket home for me, then did little to help with my continual care. She set up a doctor's appointment for me, but with another male gynecologist. I went because I was afraid of all that had occured and I wanted to be assured that I would be okay. The assistant was very understanding and assured me that all my feelings were normal and that everything that had occured with the bad gynecologist was wrong. However when the gynecologist here saw me, he cut me off as I was telling the story and told me that I got the kidney infection from having sex, even though I had not been very sexually active before the occurrence. He at least said that the bad gynecologist was wrong in not running tests before performing the burning procedure. He examined my breasts which was only the beginning of the discomfort. He inserted the speculum without warning and quickly scraped cells off of my cervix. He then roughly pushed his hands inside of me and told me to relax my stomach as he pushed his fingers around to find my ovaries. I guess it was a normal procedure but he gave no warnings nor words of affirmation. At least it was quick I suppose. And he didn't call me a thot. He said he didn't see any signs of what the other doctor had spoken of, but I have to wait for the test results. I dressed myself feeling violated. I left as soon as I could and cried in my car for half an hour.

I never want to feel that way again. I would fly back to Costa Rica to go back to the first gynecologist I saw who was so gente, reassuring, and kind. It's a shame she works in the same office as the other gynecologist though. I don't think a man has any right whatsoever to be involved in the care of women's reproductive organs. I never believed so, and very much less so now. I don't know what I'm trying to say with this post. I just hope that someone who doesn't understand this will read this and realize that sometimes it isn't your place to do something. And also maybe that just because someone says something positive about a person/situation or normalizes it, doesn't mean it's okay if it makes you feel bad. Ugh. I'm sorry for anyone else who has been through similar situations at the hands of people who don't care. I'm sorry.

[a-deadly-serenade]

The Shield and the Sword: Chapter 4: Light After Dark [Alucard/Reader]

You’re a witch that is skilled in herbology, one that has been persecuted by the church for practically your entire life. In spite of this, moving throughout different towns has allowed you to pick up some chatter about a woman in a village called Lupu. She is supposed to be a wonder when it comes to medicine, and this immediately perks up your interest. So after plucking up some courage, you’ve made it to her door… hoping that she takes you as her apprentice.

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True to her word, as soon as things were cleaned up in the kitchen, Lisa was leading you up to the library that had all of the medical textbooks. You went up several winding staircases and through at least a dozen hallways, and you realized, to your dismay, that you were going to have to have Lisa lead you here for quite awhile before you felt brave enough to walk here on your own.

When the both of you finally made it to an arched doorway, she pushed it open and all of the candles simultaneously came alight.

You noticed that this library was a lot smaller than the one you had been in last night, but that did not mean it was any less magnificent. The ceiling was a large glass dome that stretched up high above your heads. Small circular windows lined the north and south panes, each filled with beautiful, intricate, stained glass designs of stars and planets.

Twisted shelves covered every flat surface, filled and piled high with thick books, ancient books, books whose titles even you could not decipher. There were multiple desks that stood in front of the massive towers of books, made of rich, dark oak that shimmered almost black in the sunlight.

Parchments had been slapped on any free surface, all of them filled from top to bottom with diagrams of the human body, certain organs, or even classifications of plants and minerals. One of the most cluttered desks had piles upon piles of parchment, all of them scribbled with extensive notes. There was a large stack of quills, coated in ink, some of them looking as though the top half had snapped off. Beakers lined one corner, obviously having been scrubbed clean, as the water droplets that clung to the glass glistened like morning dew.

“I see that you’ve found my work station,” Lisa admits sheepishly. “It’s not the most organized, but its my space and where I have found to be the most productive for me.

“I was not judging you, Lisa,” you teased. “My mother certainly did not get her tidiness from my grandmother, let me tell you.”

Lisa chuckled, and walked you over to a nearby desk that had been placed nearly adjacent to hers. “This is where you will be seated whenever you need to come here and do some independent study, but when you must sit next to me, there will be a chair but beside my desk. You can also use that if you ever had any questions!”

You gave an elated smile, and ran your fingers across the smooth surface. “So,” you said. “What is the first lesson on the agenda?”

The two of you spent the rest of the morning, as well as most of the afternoon, in the library. Lisa had took the time to go over the very basics of human anatomy as a refresher, as you only had a very vague concept of the body. She wanted you to familiarize yourself with each part, and she made it much easier to remember by breaking up the body into what she called, “systems”.

There were 12 of these systems that ran throughout the human body. There was one to help you breathe, (respiratory!) one that dealt with your nerves (nervous!), and even one that contained solely your blood vessels (circulatory!). It was quite extraordinary.

She stressed that it was important for you to know all of this so that you could adequately pinpoint where the problem was and then be able to do the necessary tests to make a diagnosis.

Even when you countered that you could easily heal simple coughs or fevers with your magic, she wanted you to understand where they came from, and not just rely on your skills to be a good physician.

Luckily, when she started to touch on the treatment options available, you were much more familiar with these terms, as they were all plants! If there was one thing you knew you were capable of, it was making a good potion or tonic.

Even Lisa was impressed by your mastery of herbology, and you went so far as to offer her some tips after she gave you several samples of a brew she had been in the process of perfecting. It had been for the treatment of a respiratory infection, and after seeing the astonishing amount of ingredients Lisa had at her disposal, you offered that she add more starburrs and aloe, picking up that her potion lacked the clearing effects of getting rid of mucus, and the soothing effect patients needed for their chest tightness.

You believed that it had been an incredibly eventful day, your arms filled with an array of books and several rolls of parchment as you sat back down in front of your desk. You had chosen texts that were all about liver, not really knowing all that much about it, except, like your grandmother had stressed so many times, it takes care of all the alcohol.

Not like you had ever been too big of a fan of drinking to begin with.

You dipped your quill into some ink, and started to take some notes, your eyes widening when you read that it was capable of regenerating itself.

You had no idea how long you spent in the library, your yellow sleeves getting dotted with stray ink, with some ending up on your nose after pushing your hair out of your eyes. You had moved on from the liver, having conquered other important organs such as the big and small intestine, the appendix, and the kidneys.

Your intense focus was suddenly broken by a tapping on your shoulder, which caused you to nearly leap out of your skin.

“Whoa!” Lisa exclaimed, her hands up in surrender. “It’s only me!”

You froze, pink dusting your cheeks in embarrassment. “Oh! I’m so sorry!” you blurted out. “I just… get really caught up in my work…” She gave you a pat on the shoulder. “It’s alright, I know what that’s like. I just wanted to see if you would like to join us for dinner?”

At the mention of food, your stomach let out a loud growl that caused you to flush while Lisa laughed.

“I guess that answers that,” she said, and while you thought you were heading to the kitchen, she instead lead you to an amazing dining hall.

A beautiful, long table was the main center of attention, its legs being dark claws that clung greedily to the plush red carpet underneath. The top was a glistening marble that glowed under the candles that hung above in an extravagant chandelier, topped by a soft red runner. Silver candelabras hung from the walls, large Renaissance paintings of food, feasts, and parties adding just the right amount of color and pop to the black and gold wallpaper.

Once again, a decadent feast adorned the tabletop and your mouth watered at the sight. There was a large rotisserie chicken topped with an array of herbs and surrounded by vegetables like potato, zucchini, onion, carrot, and squash. There were fancy cheeses, golden loaves of bread, expensive wine, and a pot of steaming homemade soup.

Lisa had made herself comfortable beside Vlad, who was sitting across his son.

Adrian already had his plate filled with his pickings, and he gave you a smile from across the room as he took a sip from his goblet, presumably of some of the red wine.

“So, Hippocrates decides to join us.” Vlad teased, biting down on the piece of chicken at the end of his fork.

Adrian burst out laughing, having to grab his napkin to cover his mouth as he entered a coughing fit.

You huffed, annoyed that Adrian found this so funny, arms folded across your chest as you sat down beside him. “I don’t see what’s so amusing,” you repeated, “He just compared me to the father of medicine. I would say that’s quite the compliment.” you stated matter-of-factly, cutting yourself a piece of chicken and pouring yourself some soup.

“She’s well-versed in the history as well,” Vlad said, a smile on his face. “Impressive.”

You grinned, shooting Adrian another glare as he continued to chuckle. The dinner was delicious, and it surprised you how quickly you had grown comfortable around Lisa’s family. It had only been a day, but you could not have felt more at home.

As you helped Adrian collect the dirty dishes, Lisa poured a coffee for herself and her husband, who gave her a kiss on the cheek as she leaned down to fill his cup.

Your eyes glazed over in happiness, filled with a small bundle of peace after witnessing such pure affection. As you turned on your heel to head in the direction of the kitchen, Vlad calling out for you stopped you in your tracks.

“Oh, little one, I almost forgot: meet me in my study before you head back to the library. There is something that I would like to discuss.”

Your voice trembled slightly as you replied, “O...oh, alright.” your arms shaking a bit as dread starting to poison that previous sensation of contentment.  You snuck a glance at Lisa before you exited the room, and although you felt some relief for how calm and normal she looked, the thought of being alone in a small room with one of the most powerful vampires still made you incredibly nervous.

Even though the dishes were being taken care of in an efficient manner, you almost wished that it had taken longer so that you could stall this conversation. You tried to assure yourself that it was not over anything bad, you knew that Lisa would never willingly let you be placed in a dangerous situation. Perhaps… perhaps he just wanted to discuss something?

You nibbled on your thumbnail as you followed after Lisa, who had come over to fetch you and direct you to Vlad’s study.

It’s fine… you think to yourself. You just need to relax. I’m sure it’s nothing.

Lisa stopped in front of a doorway, and you could hear the distinct sound of a fire cracking. She gave you the indication to step inside and you took head of her invitation.

The room was smaller than others you had been in, with a large pointed chair in the middle of an ornate red carpet with intricate golden details. A portrait of Lisa holding a bouquet of white lilies hung on the wall in a beautiful frame, a large bookshelf sitting beside it, neatly filled with hundreds of books. A marble fireplace held the fire that occasionally popped and hissed as embers danced along the iron gate blocking them from singeing the rug.

Above the fireplace was another portrait, this one hung in a more oval frame, and you realized it was of Lisa, Vlad, and Adrian when he was only a baby. Your lips curled into a smile at seeing Adrian, so small and adorable, with tuffs of golden hair on his round head, held in the arms of a beaming Lisa. Vlad looked rather dashing in his suit, and he glowed with a sense of pride, one of his hands resting gently upon his son’s small shoulders.

“I’m glad that you could join me,” Vlad’s voice suddenly called out to you.

You jumped from surprise and whirled around to find him standing beside a tall mirror. You could have sworn that he had not been here a moment earlier…

He unclasped his cloak from around his neck and draped it across the top of the chair before you. His boots tapped softly against the rug, the tall vampire pouring himself a cup of tea once he situated himself.

He took a sip, a content sigh falling from his lips. “Sit,” he stated, and gestured to the small chair in front of him, a small table standing in between the both of you with an additional tea cup and a large tea kettle.

You nervously took your seat, and you fidgeted a bit, fingers twirling around a stray thread from your shirt.

Vlad poured you some tea as well, and you accepted the drink with a quiet thank you.

After several moments of silence of the both of you sipping your tea, the fire crackling behind you, he finally made to speak.

“I wanted to preface this by saying that I am in no way upset with you, if you were worried about that.”

You let out a breath you did not know you had been holding, tension releasing itself from your shoulders as he said this. “Was it that obvious?” you laughed, and he gave you a smile.

“The fact that you even came to join me let’s me know that you trust not only me, but my wife as well. I know how… well, scary, I can seem,” he chuckled. “Even if you are a witch, you are not a fool.”

You gave a sigh of relief, before you let out a quiet laugh at his statement. “I appreciate it.”

Vlad’s smile broke a little, and you saw his eyes cloud over a bit, from what, you could not tell. “You won’t appreciate what I am about to ask you. I ask you to forgive me but…” he was silent, before he leaned forward. “I need you to tell me what happened to your coven.”

Had you not been so comfortably seated in your chair, you might have just collapsed at what Vlad just asked you to do. The world seemed to crumble around you, lip trembling as you swallowed back tears. Instinctively, you shoved your hands into your pockets and pulled out a charm bag, dumping out its contents to grab a necklace that had been created around a piece of amber infused with black obsidian and flecks of rose quartz.

It had been the last birthday gift that you received from your mother, a powerful amulet of protection. You carefully put it around your neck, and allowed the stone to rest near the dip between your breasts, pressing it against your hammering heart.

You were grateful that Vlad had remained quiet during all of this, worried that you would not have been able to handle someone immediately berating you with questions.

“Take your time,” he said softly.

You gave him a nod, and after a couple deep breaths, you opened your eyes. “Thank you… for letting me collect myself. I… needed a minute…” you whispered, voice a little hoarse.

“Not at all,” his tone was calm, soothing. “If ever you need to stop, let me know. I want you to take as long as needed, you’re in no rush.”

“Thank you…” after taking one last calming breath, you started to retell your story, the story of how you lost your entire family.

“It had been at night,” you recall. “My grandmother had mumbled something about a bad feeling, as though she could sense the anger in the atmosphere. It was a dark night… pitch black, and the ocean….she churned, she was so… so violent. I had never seen the ocean look like that before. My mother simply said that a storm was coming, it was nothing more. But, I believed my grandmother.”

You took a sip of tea, lips pursed, before you continued. “She and a couple other witches, older wise women that had been in my grandmother’s original coven, were all saying the same thing, that there was an omen on the horizon, and although quite a few other witches were keen to believe them, we just thought they were saying all this because the ocean was in a fit and we could not feel the moon’s presence on us. If only… if only we had listened.

I had been asleep, before being woken up by screams… so many screams. My mother was frantically running around, I could hear her. She was yelling something at my grandmother, and then she was in my room, pulling me up and ushering me out the front door. I was so confused… I had no idea what was going on. Outside was pure chaos. There were fires as far as my eye could see, the flames licking at my face and the trees in the nearby forest. I could pick up on witches crying out spells, and we’d occasionally see the glow of protective runes being activated.

My mother had her wand in her hand… an ancient thing, made of elm… her hand was clasped tightly around mine, and as we ran, we found other families that had been calling out for any familiar faces. We eventually ended up as a group of maybe six or seven children, and five adult witches. We were nearly at the edge of the forest, where we could hide and be protected, before… before we ran into them…”

You stomach churned with disgust and your eyes welled up with tears as your pictured the men that had blocked your path to freedom. “It was a group of priests in red robes… they had these smiles on their faces…the cruelest expression that you could possibly imagine, as though they were starving cats that had happened upon a pack of terrified rats.

We tried to fight them off, but they were just too many of them… it’s as if they were hydras. Absolute beasts... and I remember…. I remember the things they did to my sisters… the horrible, filthy things they did… the tools that they had…”

Your whole body was trembling with rage, angry tears trailing down your cheeks as your gripped the edge of your seat for dear life. “My mother….” your voice faltered. “My mother…! She… she sacrificed herself! To save me!” you exclaimed, more tears leaking from your eyes.

“She and I had been one of the few who had not been captured, and… and she told me to run, to find the secret paths of the forest nymphs. We had been in good standing with them for centuries, as my coven protected both the sea and the woods that bordered our small community. So… I… I ran, I ran into those woods like she said, but…”

You gritted your teeth, voice coming out in a sob. “She didn’t follow me… a barrier materialized right before my eyes, shimmering like gold. It had been a barrier of protection… the last act of selflessness that my mother performed before being captured. I… I wanted to go back, to try and save her, but…. I ran. I ran… and ran until I could not breathe and collapsed under a tree… dirty, tired, and… so…. helplessly... alone.”

Your vision blurred as tears cascaded down your face, a strangled gasp leaving your throat as your began to cry. “They took everything from me…everything.” you heaved, a disdainful look in your eyes as you sat back in your chair. “Pray tell, what kind of God would let his servants kill innocent women and children?”

Vlad’s dark red eyes shone dangerously in the firelight, hands clasped together as he formed a steeple with his fingers. “I have discovered throughout my hundreds of years on this planet, that mankind is nothing more than a miserable little pile of secrets. Scared little things that would rather destroy and chalk up phenomena they do not understand to the metaphysical.”

He leaned forward and placed a strong grip on your shoulder. “I am terribly sorry for all of the loss that you have suffered at the hands of ignorant, scared little men. Your mother was a brave woman, a strong woman. I’m sure you are very proud of her and the rest of your coven.”

You nodded your head. “Yes… I often find myself filled with such rage that I can barely think… but I lived with the nymphs for some time, and they helped me channel these feelings of resentment into something constructive. It was through their teachings that I became so well-versed in the knowledge of herbology.”

“You are very wise not letting this hate consume you. Too many times have I seen good, honorable men fall under the spell of this deadly obsession,” Vlad said, as he released your shoulder and poured more tea into your cup.

Thanking him, you take a large gulp, only now just realizing how dry your throat had become. “If it would not be too presumptuous of me to ask,” you began. “Do… would it be alright if I headed to the library? I need to clear my head.” you confessed, a strained smile on your visage.

Vlad nodded, his large hand going to ruffle the hair on the top of your head. “You did very well, little one. My only wish is that you do not stay up all night working, for I know how easy it is to lose track of time when immersed in your studies.”

“I will make sure to head to bed at a… reasonable hour,” you said, thanking Vlad for his kindness once more, before you headed back to the library.

Your mind was so abuzz with thought that it was difficult for you to concentrate. It was almost as if you were in a thick fog, uncertain of where to go. As you sat down in front of your desk, you were thankful that Lisa kept a stash of scented candles around to dull the smell of stale old books.

With the flick of your finger you had lit the wick of a candle that had reminded you of fresh rain, pulling out books on the brain and known diseases, topics you knew would be complicated enough to keep you stimulated and wash away the unwanted memories.

The moon hung high in the sky, her bright white rays resting upon your shoulders as you scribbled down notes on a spare bit of parchment. You could sense her as she moved across the sky, an obvious indication of how long you had already been at work.

As she continued her slow trek across the night, you could feel your eyelids grow heavy, but you tried pushing through the exhaustion.

Just let me finish this last sentence…!

Your body won over this battle against your brain, your eyes slipping shut and head resting against your arms as sleep fell upon you.

Something… something was tugging on your hair.

Was it morning already? Had you really slept the entire night at your desk? Well, that’s embarrassing--

“Excuse me?”

That didn’t sound like Lisa.

You groaned, body cracking and muscles aching as you rose from your sleeping position. You rubbed your eyes with the back of your hand, before you went to massage your sore neck. To your surprise, there was no one around you. So, who had said that--?

“Excuse me!”

You felt another tug, and you whirled around to find… a fairy.

“A fairy?” you exclaimed.

“How rude!” she snapped, hands on her hips. “The name is Aria, thank you very much!”

She could not have been any bigger than a children’s doll, and one could have almost mistaken her for one, with her porcelain white skin and big blue eyes. She had long blond hair that shone like strands of gold in the low candlelight, and she sported a blue dress with a slit down the middle fluttered that around her legs, which were covered by tiny white boots. Sprinkles of fairy dust trailed from out of her wings, beautiful little things that looked almost like a dragonflies.

“Aria, huh?” you said. “What brings you here? I would think that someone such as yourself would rather be outside in the woods than in some dark castle?”

“I live here!” she shouted.

“Really?” you drawled, surprised at her answer.

“Do not speak to me as though I am a child, witch.” she hissed. “My master wanted to come in here to study, and what do I find? You, asleep at a desk!”

“Master?” you repeated.

“She means me.”

Adrian makes himself known from a nearby corner in the room, lounging lazily against an empty desk.

Aria flew over to where he stood, and then pointed at you. “I was making sure that you would have a nice, quiet place to practice, and I find her in here!” she shouted.

“Guess I can venture a guess and say that she’s not a fan of me?” you ask, getting up out of your seat and stretching out your sore muscles.

“She means well,” Adrian said, and walked over to join you where you stood, a tome tucked under his right arm.

Aria plopped herself onto his shoulder, her tiny hands grasping at his long locks of hair, humming quietly as she busied herself by braiding several strands.

“She certainly has an attitude,” you snap, and give her a smirk as she sticks her tongue out at you. “What’s this I hear about you coming in here to “practice”? You do know that this is the library dedicated to medical science?”

“Of course. I came up here to practice my healing magic.” Adrian responded, and opened the book he had with him. It was a magical tome, one that was written specifically about healing spells.

Your eyes widened at the sight and you made to grab it to look through it yourself, but Adrian quickly snatched it away before you could do so.

“Don’t be childish,” you grumbled. “I just want to flip through it. I will give it right back. If anyone knows a thing about healing spells, it’s me.”

“You’re not the only one who knows magic in this castle.” he challenged.

“Oh really?” you snapped back. “Well, if you’re so confident, why don’t you show me some of this magic?”

You noticed that his eyes widened slightly at the test, but he gave you a confident stare as he put down his book and ordered Aria to take a seat on your shoulder-- much to her dismay.

“So, what have you got for us?” you questioned.

“I’ve recently mastered the skill of transmutation.”

A whistle rang out from your lips. “Now that is some impressive magic. Only witches vying for the title of supreme have been able to pull that off.”

Adrian smirked. “Well then, all the more impressive that I can do this.” he said, and closed his eyes.

For a moment, he stood there, completely still, before he flitted out of view, as though you were trying to focus your vision. In a second, he reappeared on the opposite side of the room, a triumphant grin on his face as Aria started cheering and doing loops in the air.

“See?” he cried, clearly proud of himself. “What did I tell you?”

He disappeared again, only to reappear in front of you. “Seems as though I am magically gifted as well.” He vanished before you could say anything, but you knew that this cockiness would do nothing but bite him in the ass.

Karma came much quicker than you expected, for the third time he tried to transmutate, he ran straight into one of the bookshelves, causing a pile to tumble on top of him as he collapsed onto the ground.

Try as hard as you might, but you could not suppress the laughter that bounded out of you after seeing this. Your voice rang throughout the library, arms clutching at your sides as you absolutely lost it.

You could hear Aria yelling how rude you were before she raced off to try and help Adrian, but you couldn’t care less. A tear managed to slide down your cheek, and you wiped it off, finding it ironic that you were crying out of happiness, when a mere few hours ago, it had been tears of utter sadness.

Aria was trying her best to get the books off of him, but they were much too heavy for her. She nearly dropped one onto his foot, before you caught it within your grasp.

“Let me help you with that,” you said, offering Adrian your hand.

He looked up at you and accepted your assistance, his chilled skin causing goosebumps to run across your arm.

You hoisted him back up on his feet, a slight flush on your cheeks when you realized how close the both of you were. You immediately relinquished your grip and took several steps back, laughing nervously.

“Transmutation, huh? I mean, even I can’t do that! So, that was pretty impressive! Well, before… you know…” you trailed off awkwardly, shying under his intense gaze.

He suddenly burst into a fit of laughter, the sound causing your heart to skip a beat and butterflies to flutter in your stomach. It was strange, seeing this stoic, composed man act so… so human.

“I’m glad that you appreciated the show,” he said, running his fingers through his hair to settle himself down. “Even if it ended in utter disaster.”

“That’s alright,” you replied. “It took me quite a while to master my pyrokinesis. Whenever I would practice, I usually ended up setting something on fire. Oh, there was this one time, I accidentally lit my mother’s ceremonial robes on fire,” you cringed at the memory, but gave a smile small as Adrian laughed. “It just takes practice.”

“Practice…” he hummed. “As much as Aria can try and argue against this, my original intentions for coming up here were to ask if you could help me in the practice of magic.”

“What?!” Aria shrieked. “Master Alucard, surely there is no need for you to--” she was silenced by Adrian putting a finger against her mouth, the fairy glaring at him before she stomped her foot and landed on his head in a huff.

“Surely you must have gotten some practice at your mother’s clinic,” you said, as you recalled Vlad and Lisa’s conversation on Adrian once working there.

He grimaced at the mention. “Yes… well, I did want to earn some experience helping her there, but after a particularly nasty incident, mother thought it best if I remain at home in pursuit of my studies.”

“Would you mind telling me what happened?”

“It’s not an embarrassing memory,” he said. “It’s merely that… well, I had been helping mother for two weeks or so, and things had been going fine. It was not until this woman walked in, that things started to take a sour turn.”

Your eyebrows raise in piqued interest. “Woman?”

“She came in with an infected leg, a nasty thing, one look at it would tell you as much. I asked her what had happened, and she told me that she had received a cut while working one day, and instead of cleaning and wrapping the wound… she had tried cutting out the small infected tissue, which of course, only made it worse.”

“What?” you gasp, completely boggled.

“Exactly!” Adrian exclaimed. “I was completely dumbfounded after she told me this, and I asked her why she would do such a thing. She said that’s what her neighbors had told her to do, and that she had merely come to me for some sort of tonic to dull the pain until it healed.”

“At that point, it would have made the most sense to cut it off.” you commented.

“I was thinking the same thing, but she just kept insisting that it was not serious and it was going to go away on its own--!” he let out a frustrated growl as he told the story. “One thing led to another and, well, we got into a rather heated argument. I was this close to losing it before mother stepped in and took care of the situation.”

You looked up at Adrian, a small smirk on your face. “When you say “heated argument”, does that mean you said something to her? I don’t think Lisa would essentially kick you out for debating with a belligerent patient.”

Adrian went quiet, his gaze darting away from you as he cheeks flushed a very faint pink. “I… may or may not have called her an “insolent fool”, one who’s lucky she’s alive believing that kind of codswallop.”

You nodded, as giggles threatened to erupt from your mouth. “That’ll do it.”

Adrian looked back down at you, and that was game over, the two of you bursting into a fit of raucous laughter.

“Oh, please don’t tell me that those are the kinds of people I’ll be dealing with,” you said, as the both of you began the walk to your bedrooms.

“Thankfully those are the outliers. Most of the villagers that come in are very nice,” he said. “They were very grateful that my mother was there, for every other person they had come across claiming to be a physician was nothing more than a crazy old woman who promised that drinking a brew of leaves and acorns would cure their rhumatismes.”

“Lisa is such a wonderful and smart woman… I’m so grateful that she’s accepted me into your home.” you said, and gave him a bright smile. “I’ve only been here a day, but I feel so at home here… as though I’ve finally found my place.”

He returned your smile, and stopped as you find yourselves in front of your bedroom door. “You never answered my question.”

Your eyes flitted up to look at him, and they twinkled with mischief as you rocked back and forth on the soles of your feet. “You really want to learn more about magic?”

He nodded. “My father is a powerful sorcerer, and I think your teaching, combined with his advice, will be able to help me perform at my full potential.”

“Alright,” you replied, without missing a beat. “I will help you, but! You better make sure to dial that arrogance down a couple levels when we’re together. If you’re not willing to listen, you will learn nothing.”

“Understood,” he said and took a hold of your hand, lifting it to his lips so he could place a kiss along your knuckles. “Rest well, then. I will see you in the morning.”

Your heart hammered in your chest, hand hanging limply at your side as he disappeared down the dark hallway with Aria trailing silently behind him. You felt light on your feet as you danced over to your bed, feeling excited at the prospect of teaching the son of darkness all of your magical secrets.

Yeah, you thought. I’m definitely home.

author’s note: hehehehe SURPRISE!!! >:3 i got TWO chapters written today!! i hit such a good stride, that i thought: why not write two chapters? so that's what i did!! you get some more backstory in this one, and some cute moments with adrian. afterall, this IS an adrian/reader fic. oh! and shoutout to my friend morgan!! she's the one who came up with aria's name, who's based off of the fairy familiar in symphony of the night!! give her a follow @princessmorgan. she's super talented!! i hope you enjoyed this chapter lovelies!! i promise the next update won't come in 4 months ;w;

see you later!!

[aconitum-genus]

Self-Preservation

Strap in my lovelies because this is a XXL rant:

I work in a retail store that sells skateboard products, clothing related to said skateboards, snowboards, jeans, t-shirts.. you get the idea. We even offer to grip and/or build the skateboard in store for absolutely no charge.

Now I’m not complaining about the store. I love working there. I want to eventually work in their corporate office, but my heart broke yesterday.

We are a commission based company with regular hourly pay which means that sales are SUPER important. Every month, we are expected to be above the average set at the beginning of said month and I, being the competitive bitch I am, always strive to beat everyone, but something happened that turned my stomach.

There is this guy named Steven (not his real name; privacy reasons). He is best friend with my manager, Nathan (again not his really name). These two guys have known each other for YEARS and act like they are practically brothers. I though nothing of it when I first met him on Black Friday. He seemed chill, relaxed, and always trying to make people laugh. The second time we worked together something had changed. He was abrupt, cold, and was acting like I wasn’t really there.

No worries, I thought to myself! He probably doesn’t know me, but every shift was the same. I just didn’t understand what I had done. Did I say something? Did I act a certain way? I was really confused.

I gave up on my proagitive of trying to gain his acceptance and just aimed to be cordial around him. That didn’t work so well. If some of you don’t know, I have Lupus SLE. The most basic definition - “Systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE) is an autoimmune disease. In this disease, the immune system of the body mistakenly attacks healthy tissue. It can affect the skin, joints, kidneys, brain, and other organs.”

The symptoms that I was having were the following:

- Muscle and joint pain

- Migraine

- Hot then cold

- Nausea, can’t eat at all

- Super hungry, like I can’t get enough food

- Tingling in wrists and cheeks

- Ache in left arm

- Left wrist pain

- Lower and upper back pain is always present

- Hands and feet feel cold

- Heart racing or beating out of my chest

- Chest pain

- Tietze syndrome

- Pain on left side of body

- Cracking or crunching sounds when I move

- Lightheadness

- Fainting spells

- Shortness of breathe

- Fatigue

I’m doing much better now. I’m on chemotherapy and medication that is helping, but no one knew the extent of what I was going through at the time. I mean why would I say that in an interview? People are predujiced. “Why hire a sick person when I could hire a healthy one?”

Anyway, the first incident was when I went to my shift with a cold. Now being on chemo, my immune system is shot so upper respiratory infections are not to be taken lightly. While I was unloading shipment, I felt my airway closing. I couldn’t breathe. My heart was pounding so hard that I could feel it knocking against my sternum. I needed to go to the hospital. NOW.

I grabbed my manager and told her in my low wheezing voice, “Please. *short spurting and wheezing inhale* I need to call my mom. *Another short wheezing inhale* Hospital.” I was holding onto a display table because I could feel the blood swimming in my head. She excused me immediately and my mom took me to the ER where I was diagnosis with a very mild case of pneumonia. If you think that’s bad, look up pneumonia in lupus patients.

That same night, while I WAS ON AN OXYGEN MASK mind you, I get a text from one of my closest coworkers saying that Steven was talking shit. I was confused and asked her what happened? She goes on to explain that he sent her a picture of all work they were left to do because “poor fucking Allison had an “asthma” attack.” I was livid. I told her that I was ER with pneumonia on oxygen. I felt unfairly judged and ashamed of my illness.

I decided not to say anything and just have it roll off my shoulders until I noticed that some of my sales weren’t accounted for. Hmm, that’s strange. I know that I definitely sold that to this person and this one etc. I did some investigating and guess what? Steven had been stealing my sales. This time, I wasn’t going to let it go. I printed up the reports, highlighted the pages along with notes in the margins about what had transpired and took it in to my manager the next day.

“Hey Nathan, can I talk to you?”

“Sure Allison, what’s up?”

“Well, I just wanted to let you know that last night Steven stole two of my sales and one of Yvette’s (not real name, blah blah, you get the idea).”

“Oh well maybe he didn’t see you talking them?”

“I actually went up to him before I took my lunch break and told him that customer X and Y were getting these, but were still looking around.”

He then inquired about Yvette’s sale which he seemed to be a lot more interested in.

“It also made me very uncomfortable when he..”

“Well if you feel uncomfortable, then maybe you need to rethink your position and ask yourself if this job is really right for you. Can you work more than a four hour shift? Can you work a six, seven, or eight hour shift? Plus, you’re both adults and should handle it. There shouldn’t be this negative environment that is being created so you need to ask yourself if this is really the right place for you.”

“I come in whenever you ask me to..”

“But you also leave a lot. I understand you have health problems, but you can’t say that you come in all the time only to leave.”

At this point, I was gritting my teeth. Blocking everything out. I decided then that he didn’t care about helping me, only protecting Steven.

About three months past and Steven and I were tolerating each other until I notice that at $133 sale is missing from my stats. Greattttt. It’s happening again. I printed it out and began writing down exactly what happened. I told my assistant manager about this and she said that she saw what happened. She said she had talked to Nathan before about having everyone come in to talk about this, but he blew it off and said it was “fucking dumb.” I held it in. I waited because I knew that our district manager was coming that Saturday. I was going to tell her because Nathan didn’t seem to take it seriously.

The day arrives and I’m excited. I grab my papers and show her once I arrive. She makes small talk and my dumbass accidentally lets slip that I have lupus. Her eyes widen and I think I’m fucked only to find out that she knew someone with lupus, but she didn’t know about it until they quit the job. I then tell her about the whole predujiced issue blah blah blah and the Steven problem and then head off to my shift where I fucking kill it. In the first two hours, I made over $1,600 for the store. I was loving life because I was impressing the god damn district manager.

I went to break and returned to have Nathan talk to me. I thought oh no. He said that he wanted to apologize for being an asshole for the past two months and that he appreciated me blah bullshit bullshit bullshit. He then brought up the talk I had with the DM about Steven stealing sales. I proceed to give him the document and he said he’d investigate. He then starts to tell me that I crowd the register by looking at my stats constantly and that creates distrust. I told him that I couldn’t trust Steven because this has happened twice already and yet again he proceeds to berate me about my illness and if this is the right place for me. I listen silently while tears rolled down my face. While Nathan was talking, Steven was walking in and out of the room getting items and seeing my tears. After the rant is over he says:

“Why’re you down right now?” At this point, I start bawling.

“Because I give my all for this job. Every single comment or criticism I take as an opportunity to grow. Every lesson that I’m given, I keep going until I pass it. This job doesn’t cause me pain. Some days, I wake up in pain when I’m not working, but I still come in because that’s how dedicated I am to be here. I know that I’ve left a few times, but I haven’t left early since late February.”

Silence.

“I was laying in my bed for two years before I came here and I know that’s not an excuse, but there’s a certain adjustment period. I couldn’t run before because my knees felt like they would give out and break. I couldn’t stand for longer than 45 seconds because my heart would beat out my chest and make me faint. I couldn’t sleep for days because the narcotics weren’t working. I still have those days, but I come in to help and when I see that my stats are going down, it upsets me because I’ve work incredibly hard to be here. I love this job more than anything and I will not quit just because I’m in pain.”

“Alright. I understand. I’ll do some investigating and see what I find out.”

I dry my eyes and hold my head high thinking that I’ve convinced him only to later find out I was gossiped about.. again.

Steven to Yvette,” Time to go steal some sales.”

Steven,” Yeah I think she got in trouble for “telling”. *laughs*

When I saw the messages that my friend sent to me, I felt nothing. I was numb. I knew then that I was never going to let anyone know what was really going on. Never let anyone know if I was in some much pain that I would pass out until I collapsed on their floor or that I was not getting the sales that were mine. I hid back into myself and made the decision to go to work the next day being as happy as fuck. I would continue being this way so if there was any drama, they wouldn’t be looking at the girl who never complains.

I decided to preserve myself from getting hurt any further, create a persona, and only focus on my goal. No one was going to fuck with my livelihood. I’d make sure of that. If they do, I’ll fucking destroy them.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #173

“i like the sound of the broken pieces.”

Do you get excited when you learn you have to dress up? No. What brand of hair spray do you use? I don't use that. When you were younger, did you believe you could fly? Maybe? Favorite farm animal? Pigs! Have you ever written or considered writing a play? No. Have you ever had kidney stones? No. Have you ever been sedated or put under anesthesia? Yes. Have any of your friends ever cheated on somebody? *shrugs* Pin the tail on the donkey - fun or stupid? I loved it as a kid. Still would have fun. In your opinion what is one of the ugliest cars on the road? I'm not knowledgeable on car names, but those box-looking ones are definitely up there. Have you ever been on the very top floor of a skyscraper? NO. Have you ever won anything out of one of those crane machines? Yeah. Can you remember being taught how to ride a bike? Was it hard for you? Yeah, I don't think it was too hard. How many instruments do you own/have you owned? Three: Recorder, flute, guitar. Were you ever a flower girl or ring bearer in anyone’s wedding when you were little? No. Have you ever had an ear infection? All the time as a kid until I had tubes put in, then I had one from Hell itself early this year because my former doctor was a fucking idiot. Do you own or rent your home? Rent. Are your parents in good health? No. Well maybe Dad is all right, but he doesn't look to be in great health. He's too skinny. Have you picked up any new hobbies in the past year? No. If you have a significant other, how old were you when you first met them? Like, ten. How old were they? Eight-ish. Is English your first language? If not, was it hard to learn? Yes. Have you ever worn a costume for any reason other than Halloween? Dance recitals/competitions. Is there anything you’re a snob about? I don't believe so. Are you open to trying new foods or would you prefer to stick to foods you love and have often? I'm hesitant to try new foods. Have you ever had a ‘summer fling’? If yes, did it continue when summer ended? No. Has anybody ever told you that you could be a model? No. Do you use different kinds of moisturizer for different body parts? ie. hand lotion for your hands, face cream for your face. Or do you just use one moisturizer for all body parts? No. Have you ever felt like you were someone’s rebound? No. Are you a vegetarian? If yes, how long have you been a vegetarian for and what are your reasons for being one? If no, do you think you’d ever like to stop eating meat? Not anymore, but I was for a couple months. I wish I could be one permanently; the way animals are butchered is horrific, and I don't want to take any part in their consumption. I see their lives as equal to mine. I'm not anymore for two reasons: 1.) Willpower, and 2.) my diet without meat is too carb-focused as I couldn't dedicate myself to enough vegetables (especially) and fruit. If for some reason you were were unable to get to a supermarket for the weekend (let’s say you were snowed in or something) which item would be the worst for you to run out of - toilet paper or toothpaste? Toilet paper. I mean both would be gross, but. I'd be more disgusted if I couldn't clean myself after using the bathroom, especially if, y'know. I could at least use mouthwash for the latter. Has anybody ever broken up with you over something really pathetic? What was it? Have you ever been dumped in a disrespectful way? (eg. through text, through a friend..) No, and yup. Jason broke up with me over Facebook Messenger after a serious three-and-a-half-year relationship. Yeah, pathetic. Does it irritate you when people are late for things, or do you not really care? Not really. But I guess it depends on the occasion. Is your bed against more than one of your walls? No Have you ever burned yourself while taking something out of the oven? No. I don't mess around with the oven. Have you ever made out in your room? Last time? Not in my current room. Have you ever injured yourself while you were under the influence of alcohol? No. When was the last time you were bitten by a bug? Idk. What’s the fastest you’ve ever driven in a car? I guess on a highway maybe I accidentally approached 80 mph? Have you ever had a dream where you could understand a foreign language? No. Have you ever owned a beanbag chair? I think so. Are you a fan of retro things? Y E A H Have you ever used pastels? Yeah, made a few things with them in high school art class. What’s the limit on how much you would pay for a shirt? Ohhhh idk... I'm a sucker for band tees especially. I suppose I'd be hesitant once it hits $40. Is it currently humid where you are? No. Who were the last people you hung out with? Just Mom. How many different colors have you dyed your hair? Black, red, purple. Do you feel safe where you live? Yeah. Where have you considered moving to? I'd like to move to the mountains once I'm independent. Have you been falsely diagnosed with something by a bad doctor? Lol yup. Did you know I had ADHD? :^) Have you ever had a doctor refuse to treat you? No. Are you against abortion? Not in all cases. Has anyone ever hacked your accounts before? Not maliciously. Back when it was a "thing," Megan and I "hacked" into each other's YouTube accounts to write lovey-dovey shit in our descriptions. Who is the first person who broke your heart? Dad when he left. If you only mean romantically, everyone knows who. Do you know anyone who has fought in a war? Not to my knowledge. What’s the last song you danced to? No clue. Do you tend to be self-destructive? Eh, there's a moderate chance when something goes wrong. Self-bashing thoughts are easy to let in. What religion are you? Theist. Who is the last person you gave a ride to, and where did you take them? I don't have a license. Have you ever been shot? No. What is the coolest thing you can do? I dunno. Do you have anything from past relationships? Yeah, just like, plushies. And a small jewelry box. Do you like coconut water? Never tried it, and I doubt I'd like it. I hate coconut. Do you have a Nintendo Switch? No. At what venue was the last concert you attended? Idr. Do you think stained glass windows are pretty? YES. Are you scared of snakes? No. Have you had your wisdom teeth removed? No. I have my two bottom ones, but I was told there's enough room in my mouth for them to not be a big issue. X-rays show none on my top row. Do you like hard or soft pretzels better? Soft. Has anyone ever asked for your phone number, and you refused to give it to them? I believe so. Are you ready for children? Never will be. Does it take you a while to actually get jokes? Occasionally. Have you ever bleached your hair? Yes, to get it dyed. Do you like jelly beans? Depends on the flavor. Who taught you how to apply make-up? Myself, I guess? Would you rather live in an apartment or a house? House. Do you prefer Small Business Saturday, Black Friday, or Cyber Monday? Cyber Monday, man. Which do you prefer: iPhones, Android, Blackberries, or something else? iPhone. Do you ever put fruit on your cereal? No no no ew. Are there more photos or music files on your computer? Photos. Say something about the band/artist you’re listening to right now. I'm listening to "Professional Griefers" by deadmau5 ft. Gerard Way. I have no opinion on the band (this is the only song I know), but loooove me some Gerard. What is your favorite thing about the summer, besides the the no school thing? Just swimming. Are you similar to your sibling(s), personality-wise? How so? Nope. Well, my mom's eldest daughter is quite like me. We're both more quiet people that feel deeply and suffer from bipolarity. Do you watch amateur song covers on YouTube? No, but fun fact! I got into YT because Nicole wanted me to listen to "Before He Cheats" covers with her. I found the MM fandom, and it was all over. Which YouTuber have you learned the most from? About life and such, easily Mark. As far as obscure knowledge goes, Good Mythical Morning/Rhett and Link. What is your favorite type of church that you’ve visited? Visually, Catholic. What different types of churches have you visited? Catholic and Christian. What type of church do you hate or dislike? I don't *hate* or even "dislike" any just for their existence. Who would you want to be the flower girl at your wedding? My niece Aubree, buuut considering there's a 99% chance I'll be marrying a woman, her dad would never allow it. It might even be "too far" for Ash. What group are you most active in on Facebook? None. I pay most attention to the WoW ones I'm in, but I don't really take part, especially since I'm not currently playing. Are you ashamed of anything? Yes. What were your favorite Disney rides as a kid? I think it was called Splash Mountain? Have you read the entire Bible? No. How old were you when you first dyed your hair? Uhhh however old I was my freshman year of high school since middle didn't allow dyed hair. Do you dye your hair regularly? No, sadly. ;-; Can't afford to. What is the most comfortable type of pants, in your opinion? Pj pants, man. Do you think you have what it takes to make it big in the entertainment biz? HAHA NO. Do you have a job now? If so, what is it? No. Currently going through VR to hopefully change that. List 10 favorite girls’ names. Alessandra, Josephine, Evangeline, Chloe, Evelyn, Fallon, Heather, Amani, Violet, and Ellie. List 10 favorite boys’ names. Damien, Vincent, Victor, Luther, Severin, Alexander, Aiden, Jaxson, Shawn, and Jamie. Which stereotype do you fit the most? Uhhhh idk?? Geek??? Are you thankful for social media, or do you wish it didn’t exist? I'm thankful for it. Do you think social media is beneficial? Or is it destructive? It's perfectly capable of being either. Have you ever been socially awkward? Hi, I'm Brittany. How old were you when you started puberty? Around 11? Do you think of baby names you like often? No. What health issues do you have? B O I severe social and generalized anxiety, AvPD, chronic depression, bipolar 2, OCD, PTSD, I think ADD, vertigo, inactive MRSA, severe dry mouth, the humiliating excessive sweating, carpal tunnel in both wrists, we're tryna figure out the fuck's wrong with my knees, and moderate-severe tremors. Is that it???? What are some health problems you have had in the past? Insomnia seemed to fuck off thank Christ, ear infections. What are some of the best medications you’ve ever had? The medical combo that is partially responsible for saving my life is Latuda + Lamictal. What is your favorite pizza topping? It depends on the place that makes the pizza, but to be safe, I get pepperoni at most places. Who are your favorite small YouTubers? Johny Paranormal is a sweetheart, but I don't watch him regularly. Most others I watch have at least/almost 1M subs, so I don't think you could call them "small." Have you ever made money off of YouTube? No. What was a video you watched over and over as a kid? Oh my GOD there was this guy who made a video to "Gasolina" by whoever-the-fuck and Nicole and I were obsessed with it??? Do you own a pair of fishnets? Gloves. Are you sore right now? No. Have you ever experienced depression as a side effect? Lol I'm diagnosed with it, so. Because I have bipolarity too though but was medicated for depression, my bipolar symptoms were worsened and thus sometimes depression. (Learned being on anti-depressants while simultaneously being bipolar is only destructive.) Have you ever been suicidal as a withdrawal symptom? I don't believe so. How old were you when you got braces? Idk, sometime in middle school? How old were you when you started wearing glasses (if applicable)? High school, I think?? Are you good at remembering names? NO. When was the last time you held someone’s hand? Few days back at the movie theater. A preview for a movie that took place in a psych hospital came on, so Mom grabbed my hand tight, knowing it gave me bad memories. I was all right, but. Woulda rather not have seen it. Movie looked stupid anyway. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? Earbuds. Block out sound and you hear everything so well. Could you possibly write a successful novel? I honestly feel I'm capable, but I won't. Do you have any clothes with spikes/studs on them? I have a spiked choker and a studded bracelet, but I think that's it rn. If you had to get a portrait tattoo, who would it be of? Dead serious, I want to at some point get Darkiplier's first appearance/smile above/to the side of my left elbow by a really professional artist. I'll take my stanning behavior to the grave. Do you get exercise daily? No, but I really would like a treadmill. Something easy like that. Work my shit knees, too. Which emoji would you be most apt to dress up as? I don't????? know???????? Which do you think is better, DIY costume or storebought costumes? DIY!! You can get sooo creative. Do you stay out of stupid arguments online? I try to. I'll butt in though if I feel it necessary and/or beneficial. Do you want a new phone? Why or why not? More like I need one. Drops calls randomly, restarts at random, doesn't always do what I click. What book do you think should be made into a movie? Idk. Do you know anyone with a service dog? No. Do you like babies? Why or why not? Nooooo. Annoying as actual fuck, can't properly communicate with them, needy as hell, etc. etc. I'm not at all expecting anything more from them, they're babies, I personally just don't usually enjoy them. What is something most people don't know about you? I RP. Did you earn a title in the senior class polls? If so, what? No. How many teachers have bullied you? None. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? No. Snickerdoodles or s'mores? S'mores! What is something you remember enjoying very much as a small child? Webkinz. As a child, were you a sore loser or a sore winner? I don't believe so. Did you play with siblings, neighborhood kids, or by yourself? All of those. Have you ever, or would you like to attend a gaming or comic convention? YEAH. What's your opinion on online multiplayer games? Well, I went through a WoW addiction, so I obviously didn't hate it. I tend to enjoy single-player, though. Who is the most important person in your life (besides yourself)? Sara. Do you find it easy to make friends now? If not, what makes it difficult? NO BC I FEAR HUMAN INTERACTION AND JUDGMENT. If you live alone, what would be your criteria for a roommate? I don't live alone. But let's say I did: No drugs, no smoking, female, CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF, and by this point, you'd probably have to be my s/o. I'm almost 23 so am more interested in working towards settling down in a place with her versus nightly sleepovers with a friend. How about criteria for a spouse, if you're single? Jfc a lot, I am PICKY. What is something you do every day without fail? Go to the bathroom when I wake up. What is your typical breakfast? Cereal or a meal supplement shake. Or nothing. Is there a TV show you watch habitually? No. Where do you usually spend most of your day? In my room. Do you usually have something playing in the background when you're home? Yup, either a let's play (only background /usually/ if I've already visually watched it and I'm just revisiting) or music. Where do you usually get your groceries? Wal-Mart or Harris Teeter. What is your favorite fruit? Strawberries. How about your favorite berry? ^ Which trait in a person do you find most appealing? Compassionate. Care for more than yourself. Which trait puts you instantly off? Cockiness. Who is an actor/actress who you dislike so much you can't watch them? No one. Do you donate money to any charities? If so, which ones? I can't currently as I don't have a source of income. If you have pets, are any of them rescues from shelters? No. Have you ever had to rely on other people's charity? When we got evicted, yes. Is there a charity you absolutely never ever will trust? There are some that I know are full of shit, but nothing's coming to mind at the moment. Have you ever donated to a cause that had a person going door to door? No. Is there a book series you're currently collecting? No. Which website do you frequent the most? YouTube and KM. Do you judge people who have their phones out all the time? If so, why? Not really... It's where we are now. Technology is truly the dominant species. If your connection goes down, what do you do? Restart the router. Is there something you wish you could do online that isn't possible yet? Sure, like uh. Oh yeah lemme fucking hug YouTubers when they hug the camera and that sort'a shit. What was a website you used to frequent that doesn't exist anymore? Uhhh... I don't know about them no longer existing. Maybe this HUGE flash game site we used to go on. Do/Did you ever have your own website? For photography I do. Have you ever kissed an ex after you two have broken up? No. When was the last time you talked to your most recent ex? It's been quite a while, actually. Are you racist to any race? No. Can you break dance? No. Have you made out with anyone in the last 2 weeks? Yes. She was ready and it was the cutest shit on Earth because she'd never done so before and had no clue what to do so we were giggling uncontrollably. Literally one of the purest experiences in my life. Have you shaved your legs in the past three days? I haven't shaved my legs since like June. Have you ever been professionally waxed? How did you find it? If you haven’t, is it something you’d consider trying? Eyebrows, yeah. It's a better way than plucking. What do you think of very cheap airlines, such as Ryanair? Would you fly with them or would you rather pay more for better service? Biiiitch no, I wanna feel safe. Does your mom like the last person you kissed? She loves her. Is there a secret you've never told your parents? Yes. Who last gave you their number? Uhhhh good question. Honestly, are you afraid to die? I mean I sure don't want to yet, but I'm not especially *afraid* of it. Have you ever had an ice cream cake for your birthday? No, not a big fan. Did you get a car the minute you turned sixteen? Lol I still don't have one. What do you want to major in? Zoology. When was the last time you kissed someone who was younger than you? The 17th. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yeah.

[reignmyworld]

I need you to come back - Roman Reigns x Reader

Summary: You and Joe are expecting your first child. As you leave your regular check up at the doctor’s in order to head home a car smashes into your own, injuring you severely. The doctors are fighting for your life and the one of your unborn child. As Joe arrives at the hospital the time between hoping and fearing begins for him as he prays that both you and your child can stay with him.

Warnings: angst

Pairing: Joe Anoa’i x Reader

You left the doctor's office after your routine check up. You were happy that everything was going according to plan with your baby, not that you would have guessed otherwise but nevertheless it was a huge relief. You really couldn't wait to head back home with your husband already waiting there. You were just glad that the drive wouldn't be too long so you should be there in about 20 minutes. You were getting back into the car, pulled out into the traffic and headed towards your house.

It was just then when you were driving over some crossroads with the lights showing green, that someone on your left side seemed to have jumped a red light, crashing in your car with his. You didn't feel much but the heavy eruption and the only thing you heard was the glass shatter. It took you a moment to process what had just happened, when you were looking down at yourself, seeing parts of the glass sticking in your body, with a huge amount of blood soaking your dress. You couldn't even tell that it was you screaming until everything just went black and the noises surrounding you just became small mumbles before everything turned black and completely silent. It took the emergency doctor and the ambulance approximately 25 minutes until they were sure that you were in a stable condition to rush you to the hospital with you not having reached conscience during that time.

Just a few minutes later it was ringing on Joe's doorbell. He wondered for a second that you would be ringing although he was quite sure that you had taken your keys with you, but maybe he just imagined. The huge smile on his face dropped in the moment, when he saw that there were two police officers standing in front of him, both of them a serious look on their face. In their job it didn't really matter whether they would have to talk to a celebrity like a WWE superstar or normal people, delivering bad news was always hard to do. "Mr. Anoa’i?" ,one of them stated with Joe nodding his head. "Yes, how may I help you?" , he wanted to know. His gut feeling instantly turned heavy. "We're here because of your wife.", the officer said. "Is Y/N okay?", Joe wanted to know, being quite aware that his mother - who cam over to have dinner with her son and her daughter-in-law - had stepped into the hall behind him in the meantime. The other officer decided to take over. "We are sorry to inform you that your wife has been involved in a severe car crash. She had been rushed to the next hospital right away." Joe felt as if all life just left him. He stumbled: "Is she... I mean is she...?" The officer took a deep breath before he said: "She was alive when she was rushed to the hospital but it seemed as if her injuries were severe. We just wanted to inform you so that you could drive there right away."

Joe couldn't even remember that he thanked the officers and that he bid them farewell nor that he was close to a breakdown in his home. All he knew was that he was suddenly in his mother’s car with her rushing to the hospital, while he was sitting in the passenger's seat silent tears streaming down his face. His mother reached over to him, slightly putting some pressure on his hand, telling him: „She will be alright. You know her, she is a fighter. Everything will be alright.“ Joe really wanted to believe her, but he could see the tears leaving her own eyes.  So he just nodded, his heart shattering into thousands of pieces.

As soon as they reached the hospital Joe jumped out of the car and rushed into the emergency area leaving his mother behind, knowing that she would follow immediately. One of the doctor's was just coming out of the surgery room and Joe immediately grabbed him by his coat, screaming in panic: "My wife has been brought here a few minutes ago. She was involved in a severe car crash and she is pregnant in her seventh month currently." The doctor, who seemed to recognize him right away, tried to calm him: "Mr. Anoa’i, I know it's hard but please try to calm down. Your wife is still in surgery and we are trying our best." Joe could feel how his panic was turning into anger: "What do you mean you are trying your best? What do you fucking mean you are trying your fucking best?! She's not gonna die in there, you hear me?!" Before he could say another word, another doctor came out of the surgery room and with all of the authority he could establish, he said: "You better calm down now. We can understand that you are close to a breakdown, but that doesn't help your wife, your unborn child, yourself or your companion over there. Right now we are fighting for your wife's life as well as for your child's life. To save both of their lives ot at least increase chances to do so, we have to do an emergency cesarean on her because we neither know how much blood there is in her belly nor do we know whether your child is injured due to the glass sticking in your wife’s body. So I just want you to pull yourself together and give us your approval as her husband, so we can do our damn jobs."

Joe only remembered it as if he was trapped in a deep mist that he gave them his okay and with that they were just heading back into the surgery room to help their colleagues with the surgery. Joe was collapsing on one of the chairs, breaking down and just crying, while his mother never left his side. Minutes passed by, minutes that turned to hours while the doctors were rushing in and out of the emergency. He tried to get new information at the beginning but since everyone continued to shoosh him away by telling him that they don't have any news and they still would do anything in their power to safe your and your baby's life, he gave up. Agony was surrounding him as he could only think about how his own life would be over if he'd lost you. You have given him a meaning, you have given him a place he felt secure and thinking that this might be over was more than he could take. He felt as if someone cut out a piece of himself alrady, tossing it to the ground in order to leave it there to die. By now he was feeling absolutely numb and not even the presence of his beloved mother could help him feeling something else than sheer and endless pain and panic. He couldn't tell how long he had to wait until one doctor was finally making his way over to him. He got up to his feet slowly, his mother supporting him by wrapping her arm around his waist. He was absolutely afraid of what he would hear next. Especially since the doctor's facial expression promised anything else but good news.

With a voice that didn't sound like his own anymore he wanted to know: "Is she...? I mean are they...?" He couldn't even say it out loud. Saying it would mean accepting the possibility of having lost not only you but also your child and that was more than he could bear. As the doctor was shaking his head a little bit of hope returned, small and almost invisible but it nevertheless was there. He felt the reassuring grip of his mother that should tell him that everything would be fine in the end. Before Joe could voice another question the doctor let him know: "Mr. Anoa'i, both your wife and your child are alive. We had to deliver the baby early but except for a bumpy start in this world it is healthy and didn't experience any injuries from the car crash." He was making a longer pause and Joe's heart immediately sank as he asked: "What about my wife?" The doctor looked at him with a sad expression as he replied: "As of now we were able to safe her and she is in a stable condition regarding the circumstances. She was, however, injured badly. Despite of a lot of visible cuts that we had to stitch together, we had to remove one of her kidneys and her lungs were close to collapsing. Also her heart beat was gone temporary, caused primarily due to the heavy bloodloss she suffered. I have to be honest with you. There's still a 50/50 chance for her. As of now it looks as if she's making it. But it's not only the body that has to heal it's the mind also. She hadn't gotten back her conscience since she was rushed to the hospital and we have no chance of getting her out of the coma. I'm sorry that I don't have better news for you but as of now all we can do is hope that everything turns out for the best."

Joe felt as if he had lost the floor under his feet. All he could think about was that his life would be over as well should he loose you. He didn't even realize that his mother was talking to him until she gently shook his arm. "What?", he asked still not understanding what she was telling him. "I said that she will make it. Let time do some wonders, you know that she will survive. But now - no matter how hard it is - you have to be strong. You have a baby now that needs you more than anything else." Silent tears were running down his face as he realized that he didn't even think too much about his child the sheer fear of loosing you occupying his mind. He nodded his head as he turned back to the doctor, saying: "Can I see my child?" Just minutes later he was led into the intensive care where not only you but also your baby were supervised. Having it delivered two months early of course bore the risk of it facing infections or something like that hence why it was lying in an incubator. Joe's mother was waiting outside in the meantine while she gave her son the time he needed to somehow process all of the things that had happened and tossed his life upside down. As soon as he saw you lying on the bed with countless tubes coming out of your body, looking more dead than alive he couldn't help it but break down. He took a chair, sat down by your side and grabbed your hand, softly holding it while burrying his head by your side, sobbing: "I'm so sorry baby girl. I'm so sorry for not having been there with you. I would give anything if it was me laying there now instead of you. You have to come back to me. I love you more than my own life and I can't do this without you. I need you, our baby needs you. You can't leave us alone." He knew that it was senseless, that you wouldn't and couldn't react to what he was saying, but he nevertheless hoped that you somehow were able to hear him. He had no idea how long he was sitting by your side, crying silent tears until he was finally able to draw his attention to the little human being that had to arrive in this world under such sad circumstances.

When he was moving over to where the incubator was standing, he noticed how tiny the little body of his baby was. He glanced at the information regarding size, weight etc and stopped in his tracks when he realized that the both of you were parents to a little girl. You had decided that you didn't want to know it until the baby was born and there she was lying now. His little daughter next to her mother that was still fighting for life. With bittersweet irony Joe realized how close life and death could actually be. He was leaning down, studying the little silhouette, watching the tiny hands that were grasping for air. He immediately teared up again as he whispered: "Hello baby girl, I know you can't understand me but I'm your daddy and I'm doing anything to make sure that I can take you home with me as soon as possible. I love you."

*

The next weeks were anything but easy for him. Your daughter was getting stronger as days passed by, growing steadily, getting closer to the date as she was allowed to leave the incubator. But your own condition hasn't changed much. You were still in a coma, not showing any signs to wake up any time soon. Joe was absolutely worn out and done with his nerves. Everyday he would come, not leaving your or your daughter's side, praying for a miracle that you would return to him as not only he was missing you terribly but your baby needed you as well.

He couldn't even tell how many days have already passed since that horrible crash but it was one of those days where the weather absolutely didn't fit his mood. It was a sunny day with the birds chirping while Joe was sitting in a chair next to your bed, his shirt tossed to the side while your daughter was happily resting on his naked chest, being kept warm by the warmth his body was radiating and by the blanket that covered her little body. She was babbling happily while her tiny hands grabbed after Joe's hair while he was gently rubbing her little back, placing a tiny kiss on her little head and whispering softly: "I love you my little angel. I just hope that you could finally meet your mother." Of course he had already placed her tiny little body next to yours, hoping that this could bring you back, but unfortunately it was just another desperate try.

As he was 100% focusing on your daughter he suddenly could hear a faint noise, making his head turn immediately. He was holding his own breath, not daring to believe that this could indeed be happening. But another faint noise instantly raised his hope. He was getting out of the chair and moved over to your bed, your daughter still pressed to his chest as he carefully sat down on the bed next to you. He was reaching out to your face, gently tracing his fingertips over your cheek as he whispered full of hope: "Y/N can you hear me?" It felt like an eternity and he didn't dare to breath but then he saw it. Something that caused his heart to almost stop. Your eyelids were flickering slightly.

"Babe you need to come back to me. I need you, our daughter needs you. We can't make it without you. We both love you and we need you in our lives.", he gently whispered, his voice heavy with un-cried tears. After what felt like another eternity you were carefully opening your eyes, softly blinking into the daylight. You felt as if you had woken up after an eternal nap, trying to figure out where you were. You had trouble focusing your eyes on anything but you were sure that you knew the voice you were hearing constantly. Something made it hard for you to breathe hence why you tried to lift your arm, trying to get away whatever made it hard for you to breathe. Suddenly there were other noises surrounding you. It sounded as if there were a bunch of people in the room, although you knew neither of them. In the next moment you had the feeling as if a heavy weight was lifted from your lungs and your throat, making it possible for you to breathe again.

The last thing you heard was "She had come back, you and your mother were right, she is a fighter. Her body obviously took the time he needed. But you need to give her time now. It is possible that she won't remember you since her brain could have built a wall around the trauma and everything that had happened before. As of now we just have to wait and see." As soon as the first voice had stopped talking another one responded: "Thank you doctor. I just have to hope and pray for the best I guess." It only took you a moment to realize to whom that voice was belonging to, none other than your beloved husband.

You tried to focus on whatever was going on around you until your eyes got used to all of the impressions, seeing clearer again. That's when you finally saw him as he was bidding his goodbye to what seemed to be the doctor. As soon as the door was closed, you tried to speak. The voice that came out of your mouth was absolutely hoarse and sounded so different from the one you remembered, but it was definitely you speaking. "Joe?", you asked, your voice barely being more than a whisper. You could see how his whole body stiffened before he turned around, coming to your bed. You could see that his eyes were glistening as he sat down next to you, leaning into you and giving you a soft kiss, barely touching your lips before he whispered: "Welcome back baby girl. You have no idea through what hell I was going not knowing whether you would ever return to me."

"Why wouldn't I...?", you started but then it was like a dam had broken, letting all of the water in. Suddenly you remembered everything that had happened; the doctor's appointment, your relief because your baby was growing like it should, you looking forward to getting home for a relaxing evening, the car crash, all of the blood and the glass in your body, your fear that your baby might be hurt.... Your hands automatically found your belly, touching it only to find out that it was flat. Panic began to rise in you as hot tears shimmered in your eyes. "The baby...", you panicky exclaimed, before you added: "Oh god what happened to my baby?" Joe could see the sheer panic on your face, his heart breaking for you as he could absolutely understand what you were going through right now.

He gently caressed your cheek as he tried to calm you down: "Don't worry Y/N, the baby is doing absolutely well." With that he got up from the the bed, heading over to a tiny crib only to come back with a tiny human being that was covered in a soft blanket. As soon as he was back at your side, he sat down, turned his upper body to you and softly said: "Y/N may I introduce you to our daughter? Baby girl, here she is finally. Your mommy." And with that he carefully placed your daughter in your arms while you were looking down at that little wonder crying hard. You cried because of the way she had to be born, because you weren't able to protect her. You cried because you couldn't have been there for her in the severe days after her birth when she was still fighting for her life. You cried because you thought about the accident and what really had happened, about that you could have died leaving your husband and your daughter back alone, because your daughter could have died in your body, because everything could have turned out differently. You cried of pain, of joy, of relief and of fear because of the things that could have been but thankfully never were. You cried because you weren't able to have a normal birth in due time with your tiny baby lying in your arms right away, knowing that she was loved and protected. But most of all you cried because you saw your daughter for the first time ever and she was simply perfect. And you cried because you were reunited with the most important people in your life. Joe was pulling you closer while you still had your daughter pressed to your chest. She was smiling up at you and through your tears you were smiling down at her.

As soon as you had calmed down a little bit, you were snuggling closer to your husband, mumbling: "I will never leave your side and I will never leave our daughter’s side. I love you both more than words can say and I will fight to be with you for as long as possible." The last thing you felt were Joe's strong arms around you as well as his soft lips on your forehead before you were dozing off with your baby in your arms. Your body still took what he needed to heal but you were positive that with time you could be the old you again. And so was your husband as he was holding his little family in his arms, thanking god that he didn't take neither you nor his daughter away from him.

[unchartedterritoria]

Dangerous (Sam Drake x OC) - Chapter 20

This chapter was hard to get started and then just came flowing out. I promise a lighter chapter soon!

WARNING: There is mention of suicide in this chapter. It’s a dark chapter.

You can read past chapters on A03, as well as read this current one if you don’t wanna read it here:

A03 Chapter 20 Link

“You sure we're out of museums?” Faith asked.

“Yup, the drunk bastard's house was the last one on the list,” Sam answered her.

“How do you know Hemingway was a drunk?”

“Weren't all the 'great' American authors drunks?”

Faith thought about it for a second and shrugged her shoulders in agreement.

As the prospects of finding a link between Mudd and Key West were beginning to dry up faster and faster, Faith and Sam decided to switch the focus of their search to the phrase branded into the barrel. The Third Artillery. They found no mention of it in any of the history books they had, which left what hope Faith had left waning. Sam on the other hand, who was trying to hold on to his diminishing optimism, had another idea.

Faith and Sam rounded the corner of the block. A basic, black wrought iron fence ringed the Key West Cemetery. Beyond the barrier sat 19 acres of eccentric island graveyard. Each headstone, each marker, each crypt had a unique twist that embodied the essence of the island itself. White mausoleums, faded with age, stretched along segments of the fence. They dwarfed the other single person crypts, five rows of final resting places resided in the tall buildings.

Sam strode through the gate and under the large metal archway into the cemetery as if on a breeze while Faith trudged slowly through, the unease of all of the dead people inside doing a tap dance on her stomach. Nervous perspiration began to form at her temples and mingled with the beads of sweat already there from the heat.

It's just a cemetery. It's not like you know anyone buried here. You got this Faith; you got this.

“You ok?”

The sound of Sam's voice shook her brain loose from the anxiety that was trying to grab hold.

"Yeah, I'm good," she said.

“Then let get moving,” He said, nodding his head forward.

Faith blew out a heavy breath, quickly caught up to Sam and fell into step next to him to explore the sprawling graveyard.

A small, green sedan with Georgia plates parked underneath one of the massive palm trees which lined the street that led to the entrance to the cemetery. The man in the driver's seat watched as Sam and Faith walked up the wide lane, the graves flanking them on either side. He kept his distance. When he was sure he was out of earshot, he slid out of the driver's seat and closed the door behind him. Stowing a small handgun in the holster hidden under his billowing shirt and a cellphone in his pocket, he began to follow them. He kept a reasonable distance, but never took his beady eyes off the pair walking a couple of rows ahead of him.

Faith made sure to grab one of the maps for the self-guided walking tour of the cemetery when they came in. After a few blocks in, she produced the glossy pamphlet from her back pocket.

“Where's their section for the military?” Sam asked.

"I don't see a designated military part, so I'm guessing they're just spread all over," Faith shook her head and scanned the numerous gravestones around her.

“Shit,” He grumbled as he produced a smoke from his shirt pocket, giving it a light.

Good thing it's a full pack, he thought to himself, I'm gonna need it if I have to look at every goddamn tombstone in this place.

“So, I gotta ask, how do you know so much about a town you've never been to?” Sam asked, his words accented with an exhaled plume of smoke.

Faith smiled as she stared at the long worn in ruts of the cemetery road under her feet.

"When I was around 15 or 16, my mom decided that we should go on vacation when I graduated high school. She let me pick where we would go, and I picked Key West. Before we went, I wanted to know all about where we were going, so I read up on the city and its people and its history. You know, like the geek that I am. Then graduation came and..." Faith shrugged her shoulders with a defeated sigh.

Sam nodded knowingly while he walked beside her. He knew that expression. He'd spent most of his teenage life wearing it.

"We tried to go again when I graduated college. We got closer that time! We had the money for it then, and we were all ready to book it, but then my mom got sick, and that was that." Faith's voice went soft and quiet as she reached the end of her story.

“She was sick for a pretty long time, huh?” Sam said as his eyes scanned the text of the tombstones as they walked by them.

Faith picked at her cuticles. "Since I was eleven. That was the last time I remember her being healthy."

“Cancer?”

"Self-destruction."

Faith's answer caused Sam to look at her; his face wore a look of confusion.

“Ok,” She began with a deep breath, “My parents loved each other. I mean, really loved each other. I'm talking Gomez and Morticia Addams level of love; you know what I mean?"

Faith continued after Sam nodded his head, his full attention focus on Faith's story, the cemetery falling away around him.

"And that shit's rare. I knew that when I was little but I didn't really understand just how special and how rare that intense, 'compliment and complete each other' kind of love was until I was a lot older. Anyway, my parents went on vacation. There was an accident. My dad got hurt and ended up in a wheelchair with brain damage."

“How bad?” Sam interjected.

“Before it, he was a music teacher, did piano accompaniment that kinda thing. And after it, he couldn't play anymore; he couldn't remember how to either."

“That's a tough hand to be dealt,” Sam said as he ground the butt of his cigarette into the grass with his boot.

“Yeah it was, and mom tried her best. Quit her job, took care of him full time. Then one day, two years later, he told her he was tired and put a shotgun in his mouth,” Faith said very matter of fact.

“Jesus,” Sam exclaimed in a low voice.

Faith's eyes hardened. “Yeah, I don't think he was there that day,” she said through pursed lips.

Her retort caught him off guard and made him stop in his tracks while she continued forward without breaking her stride.

Sam wanted to tell her that she didn't have to talk about this. That she could tell him to fuck off and mind his own business and that would be alright, but Sam had a feeling this was something that needed to be said.

"Ma kept it together pretty well in the beginning. She was strong for me; I was strong for her. Between going back to work and getting me through high school she didn't really have time to fall apart, you know? Then I went to college, and it was like this depression just... consumed her. She stopped taking care of herself. I'd come home on weekends and take care of her, try and distract her, get her out of her head and out of the house. But it just didn't work. She kept fixating on dad and why he did it and why didn't she stop him and yadda, yadda, yadda. And after ten years, her body just broke down. Kidneys stopped working, infections all the time, her muscles atrophied. She couldn't walk anymore so she couldn't work. For ten years I tried to get her to fight, tried to make her want to live. But in the end, she said she was tired, and she didn't want to fight anymore. So I had to let her go," Faith finished with her head hung down. She willed herself to keep it together and not cry. Instead, she continued to stare down at her shoes intently while they walked.

Her story sat in Sam's throat like a sticky ball. Some of it had felt so chillingly familiar. A mother giving up on life, depression, suicide, being left alone. The story had echoed that of his teenage years with the loss of his mother and ending up in an orphanage with Nathan. For one of the few times in his life, he didn't know what to say. He wanted to tell her he understood, that he understood deep down on a level that only a person that has lost a parent at a young age could.

Instead, Sam put his hand on her shoulder and gently pulled her in close next to him while they walked. He tilted his head, letting it rest on the top of hers.

The action was more sincere and heartfelt for Faith than any 'I'm sorry' ever could be.

They walked like that for a few more steps. Unable to deal with the sad, maudlin feeling anymore, she broke from his grasp and turned around to face him while she walked backward.

"But hey! I made it! I'm here!" Faith said with a grin as she stretched her arms out. She saw Sam smile back at her, but the small guy in the distance caught her eye. He was only a row or two back from their current position. There were other people in the cemetery, tourists on bikes, the occasional work truck of the groundskeeper. What grabbed her attention was his shoes. White penny loafers with no socks that stood out under his light tan slacks.

Definitely not appropriate footwear, I don't care how Miami Vice it looks, she thought to herself.

The man in the insensible shoes looked ahead to see Faith staring at him. He quickly slowed his pace and began to find the small mausoleum next to him very interesting, giving it his full attention.

Despite the looming threat of being found by Jasper's people, Faith had tried to keep her paranoia to a minimum. She knew if she were suspicious and freaked out about every person she passed in Key West, she would be a complete mess. She had been doing well until now. Those out of place shoes though. They sent a quiver up her back as if someone dragged their thumbnail up her spine. Faith shook it off, keeping the expression on her face light and airy.

“Let me see the map,” Sam asked, bringing himself to a stop and holding out his hand. Faith handed the sweat softened map to him.

Sam unfolded it carefully, his face contorted with a look of playful disgust.

“Didn't you just grab this at the gate?”

“Oh bite me. It's warm out,” She said with a wave of her hand as she stood next to him to read over his shoulder.

"I think here's probably our best shot." Sam pointed at a small square with a picture of an anchor that read 'USS MAINE MEMORIAL.'

“Yeah, but let's snake our way through the place, see if any of the graves in here mention 3rd Artillery.”

Sam refolded the damp map and put it in his back pocket.

“Alright sister, you lead the way.”

Faith chanced a small glance behind her, the man in the white shoes was nowhere to be seen.

Faith made her way through the cemetery with a lightness that came from the person next to her, Sam. She had entered the graveyard full of dread and trepidation, all but convinced that a panic attack was looming in her not so distant future. Instead, she ended up talking about the one thing that had sent her into countless states of anxiety and discomfort for the past six months, her mother, her father even. She had never told anyone about what happened with her father before, in the hopes of keeping conversations airy; the mention of suicide tends to really bring down the room. When people asked her about him, she always said, 'he passed away' and left it at that. But something in Sam, in his kind eyes, in his easygoing personality, acted as a truth serum for her. It brought down walls in Faith that had been built up brick by brick, leaving a wall that was mortared together with avoidance and hardened solid with the passage of time. Faith's wall had started to crumble and the sheer terror that she had anticipated with it, hadn't come. Instead, it was a feeling of refreshment, cleansing, and comfort.

[dontcrybecauseitsoverr]

i had a perfect relationship. i had liked her and thougut she was goals from the start of moving up here in august. she was funky, peppy, aesthetic, cute and just. i liked her a lot. she had a bf since 14. and everyone has a highschool sweet heart in maine it seems. but it was abusive, and not good, stealing , the most horrible treatment. like. she’s at class at a hospital and her her snap maps is glitched and shows her on a street corner. and he KNOWS she’s at work, studying to be nurse. and he’s belittling her that she’s a fucking hooker working the corner good for nothing. i didnt talk to her for months. maybe a reply on story here or there talked about snow tubing. until one day in may 19’ we started talking, hard. when she was away on a trip to florida. so easy time to talk. no boy to be there. while they on the out of the relationship. and what nice ass guy comes in to play? who’s also hot af and shit! meee. broke up bout a month later, and we started kinda stuff a month later. then made official like another month. one night in september , she wasn’t responding and she was very sick at the time, i thougut she passed out from maine, with kidney infection and i drive over to make sure she’s not dead or some shit to location at mcdonald’s. and theyre ptfo in the front seats. it was some insurance issue bc he was so dumb in life her parents provided everything. i knew no cheating bc she was in horrible pain. so i didn’t really feel that bad about it and i’ve dealt with some shit before and made it though and were all okay. she had a very sincere apology i beleive. so i thougut id be ok. and i did. also much wasn’t going for me still then so as i knew. one time i was told she was in an amottos with him holding hands. but i still don’t know about that one, as that girl was jealous and wanted to fuck. but jul also hated amottos so like i was like nah. i don’t want to know if she did or not because it doesn’t matter. time goes on we flourish, have fun, no issues at all. 0. then november she had a bad breakdown, really bad. stopped seeing me. started to get real shady. used work as excuse to not see me late, and was with him. only saw me like once a week. barely spent a night. and then went back to ex. and also rehab i believe for mental issues. we ended stuff few days after christmas. got cheated and was broken. i’d say to 0. never got closure. i saw her once at a gas station in feb. and them walking into kfc and she had my purple pants i bought her on. i never stopped thinking about her, and had all my trauma issues daily. always wanted her back. as it felt whole. the tale of juliet shaw.

3am yesteday i receive a text “you were right” from a green text, 207. i knew instantly who it was. now i don’t know anyone with androids, or someone who wouldn’t be in my contacts at 3am as well. i could have just deleted the text, and went on with life. but i sat and decided to respond. it has been so long. i assumed stuff was over. i asked her if i did anything to cause it, she said no, which i believe. i asked her why she did. and she said her brain. and lost weight really skinny now, bad brains. it’s sad, but i’m just glad she’s gone from him. ive have gone though so many different scenarios about how if i’d meet her again, or if she did do something like this. and i decided to talk..bc what else do i have to lose? my college is fine. i’ll have associates. i have 0 anyone interested in me. just two times i’ve hu this year. so what’s the worst that can happen. she’s in such a shit state too. left the relationship months ago she says, but didn’t wanna talk about it , but i assume it went really bad, and she’s broken and wants to get back with me. we’ve been apart longer than we were together. 7 months known 11 months apart now. the problem is, no one would support. my family saw me break down into my moms arms that she went back to ex. they would be pissed like they were mayson. she wouldn’t be allowed in the house most likely. but my mom cheated on dad, and theyre still together. but what do i feel to think? it’s not like she would make the mistake again, she agreed we were perfect, and i know it was. i’m the main character in my life. what am i to do? she was, still is the girl of dreams here. we did everything together. i’d rather make this work in maine than just go off to a college and fuck and stuff. and never had quarrels about our relationship. did random things. loved to drive. smoked. sex was the best ever. if i tread the water and see really what’s up, i should go. i already felt better now that i got some closure and that she just came back. it’s as if she knows what is here and good and yeah. it doesn’t sit right with me to just push away and not do anything about it. that’s really not who i was raised as. granted my mom would, but i can’t. legit have 0 ppl going for me, nothing on tinder bumble anything. clssses former. gonna be like sorry. i feel no self worth too, bad. i even rn got anxiety sending her pics right now of myself, even tho i’ve never been happier with my looks. just maybe wouldn’t be enough somehow. but look at it just from the standpoint of me. right now i got over it, mostly. and right now i can have it back? feels like the move to do. i worked so hard for it before, enough that she came back, feel like that just says something worth it. so i get over the issues, and then get to have the girl i loved forever back? sounds good to me....worth the risk bc i still can just gtfo anytime to another state. but also could be in an apt in portland. go to USM. get some lined pants, my coat. bundle up. and be with the girl of my dreams? maybe. i knew if i keep talking to her, it’ll go back to us dating. which will make me happy. and then if so prob marriage. if we end up together for a year, or more so. and i have to be like to mom and dad i’m sorry i did this though and came back. it’s been smooth and not a single issue. guess we’ll see. contact back to juls 💜 bc why not just go back in full steam. only way to go i feel. cant just be friends. she even said she wanted to keep talking so. all the time listening to Folklore falling asleep. to The One all the night. and but it woulda been fun, if you woulda been the one. o7

[sending-the-message]

I'm currently trying to make about 30% of my internal organs fail. by xannmax

So, let me preface this before I put this out there.

I'm not suicidal, I mean well, I guess now I'm suicidal. But I never have been before, and while most suicides are generally considered irrational or spur-of-the-moment decisions of a troubled mind, this is about as cold and calculated of a decision I can make in my current... State. Notice how I'm asking for only about 30% of my internal organs to fail. If I were truly dedicated to death, I'd ask for something more deadly, but see, I want to live through this if I can. Outlook is pretty grim so far, though, I think I've already come to terms with that.

Okay so, hello. I've been up for maybe 56 hours, sleeping isn't something I can manage anymore. I've spent the last two days screaming hard enough to taste blood at the back of my throat, crying until I've literally dehydrated myself, and all while in immense abdominal pain. I may or may not have a permanent headache from my episodes.

As I've said, I've come to terms with this over an eternity of sleepless hours. Time really slogs on when you can't sleep.

A week ago I was on a personal trip with my coworker. His name is Jeremy. Jeremy's very sweet, and we work in a local coffee shop. Months of dealing with snooty customers made us pretty irate guys, so we'd been planning a simple trip to a lakehouse for some fun. Y'know, like naughty fun.

Needless to say, Jeremy and I got close in our time working together. Wisconsin is pretty boring otherwise, so we figured some time to crack a few beers and laugh at horrible movies in the cabin, and maybe do some cuddly stuff. Just for a few days, would have been a cool way to spend the last few days of Summer.

Well it turns out that in the middle of the Summer, while completely wasted on four or five shots of hard liquor, swimming around in the stagnant lake just outside the cabin isn't the brightest idea.

A few days after returning, after many hot nights of cuddly fun and questionable activities, I started to notice black and white striped strands in my stool. Stool was frequent, I'd probably go about 4-5 times a day. And they were always large, like one or two pounds each release.

As far as I knew, buttfucking didn't give you Zebra shits.

A quick visit to the doctor later, he said I may have tapeworm. So he got me on some medication and sent me home.

Well, a day later I'm due for my third bowel movement that afternoon, and it's probably the most cleansing dump I've ever felt. Like, I know this is TMI and everything, but imagine just the entire inside of your bowels stripped clean and dropped out of you all at once. That's basically what happened.

Along with my stomach.

It just sloughed out of me. It was wretched, it wasn't pink and brownish like we were taught it looked like. It was dull grayish green, it looked like it had been rotting and festering inside of me for days. It squirmed in the bowl, pulsating and oozing pus. Gobs of dead, rotten cells gushed from the duodenum, tainting the bowl a grayish teal. The smell was unimaginably bad, like, flank steak sitting on hot garbage after being vomited up by a stray dog bad. The ends were bitten clean off, along with numerous gashes on the edges. How I never felt that was beyond me.

Zebra striped strands coiled out of both open ends simultaneously, now they moved.

So, I'm positive none of you have had your Stomach just come squelching out of your behind before, but let me be clear.

This hurt afterwards.

Like, cripplingly hurt.

I tried to vomit, because I needed to, I had to, I retched and gurgled as hard as I could, but nothing came up. My stomach was turning. Except, no, my stomach was in the toilet bowl. Something else was squirming inside of me. Something that replaced my stomach and sat in its place.

I essentially curled up on the floor of the bathroom sobbing and retching, it was violating, knowing some sort of horrid parasite had taken place within me. It undulated, as if proud that it had successfully replaced my stomach with itself. I could feel it. You don't quite understand how normal it feels to have an organ inside of you until you realize it's gone and replaced with something moving. Even now as I type this, it shifts around in my chest cavity.

About two hours later my eyes shoot open. You know that smell you get from fruit that's been rotting in the sun? Imagine that but doused with urine. I was in a pool of sticky red-pink urine. My dick was red hot and extremely painful to touch, caked in this sticky crap. I had to piss like a goddamn racehorse, so I did. I just couldn't sit up. It was excruciating, imagine trying to pass liquid kidney stones. A gush of greenish yellow, pus-caked slime makes my member swell, it feels like it's going to burst until it just glides out the tip. It was viscous, soupy. My kidneys or my bladder, one of the two. It hurts so bad to exist, I'm amazed I made it to my computer chair.

I'm currently sitting in a pool of my own rotting innards. My stomach is gone, my bladder is gone. I don't want to leave. After I managed to stand up and look into the bathroom, I found the hideous fucks. Fully grown, writhing on the floor. They'd mostly cleaned up my liquefied parts, and swam around frantically in the bowl, and on the ground. Striped worms, thick and hearty, circles of razor edged bone around their 'mouths'.

In biology, parasites often hitch rides in digestive systems, but considering the size of these creatures they likely need more than blood to survive. Internal organs seem to be the best bet. I'm living in an agonizing hell, but somehow they're keeping me alive. I haven't tried eating or drinking anything for hours. I'm guessing they're 'riding me' and replacing my organs to keep me running. Everything that comes out of my is infected with these worms. My tears, my mucus, my spit, they're working their way out of my hair follicles. I refuse to go outside like this.

So my question to you is this: How can I kill my stomach and bladder? I've had lots of time to contemplate it before writing this, and nothing seems better than a heavy dosage of bleach and an injection of pure rubbing alcohol. That's all I have in the house.

They're all over my keyboard, mushed and ground to slime by my fingertips. Their little bony mouths scrape my hands as I move them.

Please help, I don't know what else I can do. I'm scared for Jeremy, I don't know what he's going through, he's not picking up his phone and I'm just scared.

[simple-girl-of-huge-imagination]

The kid of Mars – Chapter 71 – Do you believe?

Catherine was gathering her documents in order to go to her appointment with the obstetrician. “Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you.” Jared asked as he walked out of the bathroom still half naked. He had left Ricky for a couples of hours so he could have some rest and take a bath, however he was already getting ready to leave once again. It was everything back to how it was 3 months earlier “I’m sure honey. I’ll just talk to my doctor and clarify some doubts. It would be a waste of time for you. You should use it to be with Ricky or to sleep a little bit more.” She answered while helping him buttoning his shirt. “Babe, please… You have to tell me if there’s something wrong with you or the baby.” Jared almost begged. “It’s like the third time you have appointments that were not planed.” His tired eyes showed fear as he spoke and Catherine felt bad for giving him even more stuff to worry about but she had to do what she had planned without Jared knowing. There was no way she was going to give him false hopes so she decided to wait for the results before telling him. “I promise it’s everything ok. But we’ve been under some stress so I wanted to make sure it didn’t affect our little one. Besides you aren’t the only one who likes to have things planned, I want to make sure I won’t have any surprises when the time comes.” Jared seemed a little more convicted after listening to her words. “When the time comes I won’t leave your side for a second.” He warned and kissed her on the lips.

Some hours later Catherine left the doctor office holding the confirmation she needed. She got on her way to meet Jared and Ricky while thinking in how she would break the news to him. When she arrived near the boy’s room, she found Jared on the hall, trembling a little bit, his head lowered and hidden between in hands. “Jared, what’s wrong?” She immediately asked, fearing the worse. “Ricky… He’s getting sicker. Probably some infection. He has started coughing and his temperature is rising.” Jared replied, it was obvious that he had been crying. “Hey. I’m sure they will give him some antibiotics and solve the problem.” Catherine tried to comfort him. “It’s not that easy, the doctors told me his kidneys won’t stand much more medication. But what about you? What have the doctor told you?” He tried to change the subject. Catherine took a deep sighed before handling him the papers she had with her. “You’ll understand what I’ve been doing after reading this.” Jared stared at her, his eyes showing even more worry than before. “Don’t worry it’s not about the baby. She’s great.” Catherine immediately eased him. “She? I thought we’ve decided to wait until the birth to find out.” The worry was now replaces by some disappointment and confusion. “I couldn’t have done this without finding out the gender. I’m sorry honey. But now please read it.” She tried to persuade him before he started taking conclusions. Jared reluctantly started reading the papers.  

“You tested the baby!” That was an accusation and he seemed almost angry. “Well, you could have told me you were going to risk the life of my child.” He was raising his voice, but Catherine decided to ignore it, taking into account the amount of stress he had been under lately. “I didn’t risk the life of our child. If you read it with attention you would realize that they searched for the baby’s cells in my own blood. Nothing potentially harmful was made.” She patiently explained, as if she was talking with a kid. “What matters here is the result. Don’t you see that they are compatible?” Catherine pointed to the only bit that really mattered in that paper. Jared started walking around probably processing what she had just told him. He eventually stopped at Ricky’s door and stared at him. The boy seemed more fragile than ever with a ventilation mask and wires all around him. “It’s the solution we’ve been looking for. All they need is the baby’s umbilical cord. She will never be at risk…” Catherine walked to his side and held his hand. “We should have done this together. The idea had already crossed my mind but… but I was scared that it would change the way I see the baby. I don’t want to start thinking of it... she as someone who exists to allow my other kid to be alive.” Jared had tears running down his cheeks once again. His head was really turning into a mess. “You should be more confident on your parenting skills. I’m sure this baby will be no less than a huge daddy’s girl and you’ll treat her like a princess for the rest of her life. But I’m sorry for not talking with you before making the test. I just didn’t want to create expectations.” Jared shook his head and smiled a tiny bit. “I don’t deserve you. I guess we have some pink baby stuff to buy now.” Catherine also smiled and put her arms around his body. “I never took you as someone with those kind of gender stereotypes.” She joked. “You have to believe in me. If anything we’ll see her as a blessing even bigger than what she already is.” Jared took the chance to tenderly kiss her, as if he was searching for some comfort. “I believe you. I just don’t know if…. If Ricky can wait for her.” To that Catherine didn’t have an answer. No one could tell if the little boy would still be alive in two months without being treated.

Ricky choose that moment to start moving and to take the mask out of his face. Jared immediately ran to his side. “Hey buddy, take it easy. The mask helps you breath.” He tried to put it back put Ricky showed resistance and was trying to talk “Where is my mom?” Jared got speechless with the child’s question. He certainly was out of his mind, the hallucinated look in his eyes said so, but he had no idea of how to react. “She is not here honey. You have to calm down.” Catherine tried to do something since Jared was completely apathetic. “You’re not my mommy. I want my mom.” His eyes immediately got filled with tears and he started screaming for his mother. “Look at me Ricky. Look at me buddy.” Jared finally tried to do something however he was already crying too. Catherine had left to call someone. “It’s me. I’m your dad. You are with me now.” He was holding the boy so he wouldn’t move and hurt himself. “You live with me, with Catherine, you have a dog and you’ll have a baby sister very soon.” He just continued talking in an effort to wake the kid. “I taught you how to play guitar but what you really love is drawing and painting. I promised we are all going on a snow trip as soon as you get better.” He was rocking the boy in his arms, the sound of his screams for his mother were being hushed by his dad’s shirt. When his doctor got into the room the boy was already almost asleep once again, but he asked Jared to step away so he could check the kid. Jared did so and felt into Catherine’s arms. He was still crying, but he didn’t care anymore about who saw. He was almost feeling like screaming for his mother too. Catherine was caressing his back and his head, without knowing what to say. She didn’t know if Ricky could wait for the birth of his sister, but she was also starting to get worried about Jared and wondering in what condition he would by the time.

[arplis]

Arplis - News: Dagger Release Blitz #Giveaway

Title: Dagger Series: Vegas MMA #1 Author: S.L. Sterling Genre: Romantic Suspense/Contemporary Romance Release Date: March 27, 2020 Derrick I'd been fighting all my life. Making it my career choice seemed...logical. Sticking to what I was good at seemed...illogical as often as I ended up in the ER. Then my occupational hazard began to feel like more of a perk when I met, Katy. She was a night nurse at the ER I frequented. She could barely hide her contempt for me, which naturally made the curvy brunette with long wavy hair all the more irresistible. 𝙉𝙤𝙬 𝙄 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙖 𝙗𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙖 𝙛𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙚𝙧. Katy They called him Dagger, for the looks he gave. He knew I hated him on sight, but still, he teased me and tried to sway me. There's no way it would work. I was on the run and still healing from a relationship with a 'roid-raging powerlifter. No way was I going to give it a go with someone trained to cause pain for a living. Then my ex tracked me down. And suddenly, having a fighter in my corner didn't seem like such a bad idea. NEW RELEASE GIVEAWAY! I am super excited that Dagger is finally LIVE!  To celebrate I want to gift one lucky person my entire backlist! Yes, you read that right!  Books will be sent directly to Kindle (Dagger excluded). For your chance to win all you need to do is sign up for my Newsletter, easy peasy! List of Titles It Was Always You Bad Company On A Silent Night Back to You this Christmas A Kiss Beneath the Stars In Your Arms His to Hold (CLICK ME TO ENTER) Chapter 1 Dagger I sat and looked up at the clock that hung on the pale-yellow cement wall. My head was pounding, and a pool of blood was building on the floor in between my feet. The wait times here were getting ridiculous. It was a good thing it wasn't a matter of life or death, I thought to myself. I had been waiting for over two hours before they had finally acknowledged I was even in the waiting room. It was busy tonight; not as busy as some of the other nights I had been here, but that’s what I get for having to come into the emergency room on a Friday night. At least I made it through registration where they had taken my blood pressure and other vitals, and listened to my heart, then the blond behind the desk sent me here, into this hellhole of a waiting room. Across the way a child cried out and I glanced around at the other patients who sat there waiting, just like me, to be seen by the next available doctor. While I waited, I thought back to the first time I had come walking in here and chuckled to myself. It had been a bad fight that night and I was a fucking mess. At that time, I was still an amateur in the ring and hadn't quite learned the concept of blocking. The nurses who were on that night had taken one look at me as I walked through the door and had rushed me in to see a doctor. There was no messing around, none of the now usual “go sit in a corner and wait.” Both of my eyes were swollen shut, my nose was bloodied and broken, I had a mouth full of blood from a cut on my inner cheek, and a large gash on my head, and I was clutching my side as if I had been shot. I was sure they thought so too, due to the blood-soaked shirt I had been wearing. They had cleaned me up a little, and within minutes, I was on my way down for a CT scan and X-rays to make sure I didn't have any type of brain trauma or broken bones. Once all the results were in and I had been stitched up and put back together, they had released me. Shortly after that visit I had become a regular and normally came in with the same type of injuries on a monthly basis. Apparently, you become less of an emergency once they find out that you are doing this to yourself, and now they make you wait.  "Hey, Dagger. Another fight I see. Tell me you at least look better than the other guy?" one of the regular night nurses said as she walked by, handing me a clean towel to hold to the cut above my eye. "Make sure you're keep pressure on it. That will help stop the bleeding." "I know, I know. This isn’t the first time this has happened you know." I grumbled nodding and held the clean towel she had given me up to my eye. I took the other blood-soaked towel and dropped it into the bin labeled bio-hazard. I sat back against the chair, ignoring the sharp, agonizing pain that shot down my back. There were times lately I felt as if I were being punished for the choices I had made in life. It wasn't my fault I had grown up fighting in the streets. Besides, having a drunk of a father at home, I'd had no choice but to learn how to defend myself at a young age, first from him, and then from the others who picked on me and stole what little lunch money I had. However, if I hadn't learned then, I probably wouldn't be sitting here now. Instead I would have become some nameless victim and my body would have been found facedown in a ditch or back alley somewhere. Regardless, fighting was now in my blood, so it was no surprise I had made a career out of it. Becoming an MMA fighter was probably the best thing I could have done. I was good at what I did, one of the best in the area, as a matter of fact, and it paid the bills. However, it just so happened that this career choice also came with a lot of injuries. Good thing I was a tough son of a bitch. "Still kicking ass and takin’ numbers, huh, Dagg?" Bree, one of the nurses, said as she entered the room carrying a clipboard. Bree had looked after me the last few times I came in. "Come with me. I had a feeling you might stop in tonight. We haven't seen you in a while, I was getting a little worried," she said as she pulled open a curtain to one of the little exam rooms and patted the paper-covered bed. I listened to the familiar sound of paper crinkling beneath me as I took a seat and groaned from the pain shooting up my back again. "I'm just going to take your temperature, blood pressure, pulse, and oxygen saturation, but you probably know the drill by now." She smiled. "Yep, sure, use and abuse me, just like all the pretty girls." I chuckled and extended my free arm so she could put the cuff on while continuing to hold the towel up to my head. One thing about head wounds: they bleed like a bitch. I let her do her thing, watching the monitors on the machines. "Why are you here, Dagger? Everything is normal, same as it always is." "I missed you ladies here at the good ole’ emergency room. You guys always take such good care of me, and being a single man, a lady’s touch is always nice. Plus, my coach dropped me off here and made me come in." I winked at her as she tore the cuff from my arm and smirked. She pulled the towel away from my head and checked out my face. Taking her gloved hand, she gently touched the cut above my eyebrow, causing me to jump. She pushed my hand back up, so the towel rested against the cut again, and went to a drawer and pulled out a couple of bandages. "For the time being I will butterfly suture this until you see the doctor. It should help stop the bleeding a bit. You'll probably need stitches again." "Yeah, as you can see, that is the same as always too," I said, looking her in the eyes as she looked over my face again. I flinched this time as she touched another spot under my left eye. I had taken a left hook to that cheek; hadn’t even seen it coming until I felt the hit. "That is probably going to be a lovely shade of green and purple in the coming hours." She pulled the towel down away from my face and examined the gash closer this time. "Yep, you are going to need stitches. Hold still, this might sting." She smiled at me, while placing the bandages across the gash. I shrugged it off as if I didn't care that I needed to be sewn back up, but, honestly, I hated stitches, and Bree knew it. Bree was always good to me, and she gently fastened the gash closed with the bandages. "However, this time you should probably come in and have us remove the stitches, instead of doing it yourself." She tsked. "It says here that you left with twelve last time, but you never came back for your follow-up."  "Yeah, yeah. I know, I was short on time." I said, standing up. It was the same lecture as the last time and the time before that. I had become good at removing stitches on my own. "Every time you remove them on your own, you risk the fact that the wound may not be closed properly and subjecting yourself to infection," she scolded. "Well, what can I say, I'm a glutton for punishment." I shrugged, smiling. "Don't flash me that sexy smile of yours. It’s serious." She frowned at me and muttered something under her breath as she marked something down on my chart. "All right, you know how it goes now. Take a seat out there." She pulled the curtain open, signaling for me to go and sit down.  "Yep, I know how it goes, go wait and you'll call me as soon as there is a room ready." I grabbed my sweatshirt and walked out into the waiting room. I suddenly realized I spent entirely too much time here. I practically could have done the full check-in myself. I was just about to head over to where I had been sitting but noticed my seat had now been taken by an older man, and the room was twice as full than it was when I had left. I walked across the room and grabbed a different seat over in the corner, off by myself. This time when I sat down, the pain in my kidney area was bad enough that it ensured me I would probably be peeing nothing but blood in a few hours. Sadly, I knew that feeling too. Guess I probably should have told Bree about the multiple kicks and punches I had endured to that area tonight as well, and perhaps she might have sped things along. I shrugged off that thought and threw my sweatshirt on, pulling the hood up over my head to cover my eyes. The least Bree could have done was pass me a couple of pain pills on the sly, and she might have if I had told her I had a headache. I felt like shit, and the last thing I wanted was to have a bunch of people sitting and staring at me as if I were some monster out of a movie. Few people in the area new who I was, and I didn't want them to think I was just some looser who had lost in a street fight. I had too much pride to allow them to think that. I would never waste money on a stupid street fight. The longer I sat there leaning up against the wall using my hood as a pillow the more comfortable I became. Finally, the pain in my back settled and I was just about to fall asleep when I heard another familiar voice call my name. "Mollie, is that you?" I asked as I pulled the hood off my head and carefully rubbed my half-swollen shut eyes. "Yeah, Dag, it's me. Come on, handsome, let's get you looked after, shall we?" I stood up, blinking hard trying to see where I was going. I walked toward the door to the exam rooms, right where Mollie stood. I smiled as I approached her. I had seen her plenty of times here before as well. "Hey, Mollie, are you finally showing your old pal to a room?" "Yeah, come on, you poor thing," she said, her voice full of pity, grabbing my arm and walking beside me to keep me from banging into things. "Just a warning, I'm not your nurse tonight. You've got the new girl, so make sure you're on your best behavior and that you treat her nicely, okay, Dagger?" "I'm insulted! When have I ever been mean?" I asked innocently enough to make her laugh. Even though I couldn't see it, I could imagine her rolling her eyes at me. "When aren't you? You're always impatient, snappish, and the looks you give are enough to knock people to their knees," she said as she pulled the curtain back for me to enter the little cubicle of a room. "The look you’re referring to is part of my charm," I answered, sitting down on the table. "Really, though, the attitude is just because of the pain, Mollie. You guys poke and prod around; it hurts more than the actual fight," I argued, defending my behavior. She placed my chart in the holder on the wall and went to pull the curtain across. "Well then stop the fighting and be nice, Dagger. The girl looking after you tonight is new here and she isn't used to you yet. She's a sweet girl, so don't give her a hard time. Her and the doctor should be in very soon," she said as she pulled the curtain back across the doorway and left the room. I sat there for a few moments until the pain got so bad I had to lay back. I pulled my sweatshirt over my head and kicked my feet up on the gurney, resting my arm across my abs, and closed my eyes. Seconds later, I balled my sweatshirt up and shoved it under my head to use as a little pillow and laid there staring up at the ceiling. I could barely wait to see what little mouse of a girl they sent in to take care of me. If Mollie had warned me to be on my best behavior, this girl must be weak. Within minutes, a woman walked into the room wearing cute purple scrubs and carrying a clipboard. She didn't greet me or look at me; she just walked over to the wall and removed my chart, setting it on the counter. I couldn't help but check her out; she had an ass that any man would be foolish to forget. When she looked at me, I felt my pulse start to rise. She had gorgeous glass-blue eyes and long, dark eyelashes, perfect lips, and the cutest nose. Her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail. She sat down and slipped on a pair of frameless glasses and started going over my chart. "Could you please remove your T-shirt so I can hook you up to the monitors. If we must shave you, we will," she said, showing me a razor blade. "No need," I answered as I pulled my shirt over my head. I watched her eyes dance over my chest. I wanted to see if there was any reaction from her, but she just went about her business placing the electrodes on my chest, then she pressed a few buttons and the monitors started to beep. As her fingers grazed over my bare chest, lead to lead, the steady beeping from the machines started to get faster, the numbers climbing. "Are you feeling okay?" she questioned as she continued to attach the pads and fiddle with the wires. I had been through this a thousand times—it was all just part of the protocol—but this time it was my attraction to her that was causing the machines to go haywire. "Yeah," I said, swallowing hard. "Whoa!" she exclaimed as the numbers continued to climb. "Something here has got to be defective." She rested her hand against my chest. "You're sure you feel okay?" she asked as she fiddled with the leads for another few moments before taking her hand off me and searching through the drawers for something. I watched as the numbers on the machine instantly started to fall. She turned back to me and placed her hand on my chest, prepared to replace one of the leads, and the numbers started to climb again. She removed her hand again from my chest and watched as the numbers fell. A soft smirk floated across her lips, and that was when she realized that it was her that was making my heart rate go crazy. Her cheeks flushed and her eyes met mine as she rested her palm against my chest again.  "Perhaps you should stop touching me," I teased, grabbing her hand that was still resting against my chest as she watched the monitor. She smirked at my comment and rolled her eyes. "Did you at least win your fight?" she asked, studying the injuries on my face. Then she looked at my back and ran her fingers over the bruising that I was sure was already starting to show in my kidney area. The machines started beeping wildly again, and without even waiting for my response, she started writing her notes. "Why is there is no mention of trauma to the kidney area on the forms?" she asked impatiently. "There is no mention because I didn't say anything," I grunted as she lightly pressed in the area. "Oh and I won. The other guy looks way worse." "Well, then I'm glad I'm dealing with you and not him then." She kept her head down and continued making notes, studying the monitor. "Any other areas of injury you're not telling us about?" she questioned, those glass-blue eyes glaring at me. I was going to say something smart, but when I saw the fire in her eyes, I decided to shut up and just shake my head. I didn't need another fight on my hands tonight. S.L. Sterling was born and raised in southern Ontario. She now lives in Northern Ontario Canada and is married to her best friend and soul mate and their two dogs.  An avid reader all her life, S.L. Sterling dreamt of becoming an author. She decided to give writing a try after one of her favorite authors launched a course on how to write your novel. This course gave her the push she needed to put pen to paper and her debut novel "It Was Always You" was born.  When S.L. Sterling isn't writing or plotting her next novel she can be found curled up with a cup of coffee, blanket and the newest romance novel from one of her favorite authors on her e-reader. Her favorite authors include Kendall Ryan, Vi Keeland, Penelope Ward, Lauren Blakely, Alessandra Torre and Willow Winters.  In her spare time, she enjoys camping, hiking, sunny destinations, spending quality time with family and friends and of course reading. HOSTED BY: #♥ReleaseBlitz ##Giveaway

Arplis - News source https://arplis.com/blogs/news/dagger-release-blitz-giveaway-1

[bangtan-babe]

Letting Go [part 1]

-----“What if we were soulmates who just met at the wrong time?”-------

Characters: Namjoon x reader/ Jimin x reader Summary: As a doctor you’re never supposed to get emotionally attached to your patients but you find yourself unable to forget Namjoon. Length: 4k Genre: Angst/ Fluff

part 1. part 2. part 3 (final)

“Doc,” he called out nonchalantly from his bed. A smug smile spread across his face when he sensed that you were uneasy. He thought that you were like all the others who were assigned to him. Someone who was meek and incapable of functioning with confidence around his presence. You spun around instantly at his call.

“Yes Namjoon?” you answered trying to hold back your annoyance at his clear attempt to make you feel inferior. He stared at you carefully for a few seconds making sure to eye your unbrushed hair and stained cotton shirt. Then he smiled as if nothing happened. “Never mind,” he grinned. But you knew already what he was going to say. His expression said everything. You could tell he wanted to say you’re disgusting, go wash up, how are you even a doctor, you should have chosen a different career.  

In your head you thought fuck you Namjoon. But in reality, just one word came out. “Alright,” you stated hazily. You spun around and dug your hands into your lab coat pockets. “You stupid brat,” you muttered under your breath.

Suddenly you heard Namjoon’s voice. “What was that?” he asked questioning you in a patronizing manner. You sensed that there was an arrogant tone to his voice.

You looked back at him and forced a fake smile. “Oh nothing. Just don’t forget to take your medicine,” you lied.

He smirked slightly. “No promises.”

-|-

That was your first introduction to Kim Namjoon. Prior to being placed as his doctor, you heard rumors from other residents that he was completely egoistic and stuck up. No resident wanted to be assigned to him. Yet here you were: unlucky and with a throbbing headache. You walked over to the nurses station holding onto the temples of your head.

Nurse Seokjin saw your discomfort. “That bad huh?” he wondered. You had no energy to even speak so you shook your head in agreement. He let out a sigh, understanding your frustration. “How can one person be so annoying?” Seokjin questioned thinking about Namjoon’s character.

You placed the chart on the counter and collapsed your head alongside it. “Look on the bright side. If you can get through this, you can survive anything in this hospital,” Seokjin remarked.

You lifted your head and saw him giving you a reassuring smile. You were glad for his considerate words but you knew that your life was about to become torturous. “Thank you, but I think I have a better chance at winning the lottery than surviving this,” you complained. Due to your desperation, you thought about an alternate option. “Maybe I should just ask Doctor Park to take me off this case,” you wondered in agony.  

Seokjin chuckled at your statement. “I think you have a better chance of actually winning that lottery,” he noted. You couldn’t help but laugh. He was definitely right. If Namjoon was a pain in the ass, then Jimin Park was an incurable infection.

“Speak of the Devil,” Seokjin muttered quickly as he pretended to file some papers. You instantly shot up. You prepared yourself for the yelling that would soon take place.

Your heart started beating faster as you heard his footsteps approach. “Resident Y/LN!” Dr. Park roared. “Get up and do your job!”

When you felt his presence beside you, you turned around slowly and made eye contact with him. “On it sir,” you assured him as you grabbed your notes and slid past. When you were a couple feet away you muttered quietly to yourself, “Please don’t call me back. Please..please”

But he did just that. “Hold on! I have new patients for you in the emergency room,” he announced handing you a piece of paper. Your eyebrow rose in confusion. You weren’t assigned to the emergency room, so it was strange that he was making you see patients in a different department.

“Sir..you assigned me to the Oncology department this morning. I don’t understand why-“ you began explaining.

But, Dr. Park interrupted you. “Listen, I don’t care where you were assigned this morning. But right now I need you to to take care of patients in the emergency department.” You batted your eyes and opened your mouth slightly to reason with him, but he continued on. “Are you not a doctor?? Do you just handle patients that you’re paid to take care of then?!" he questioned harshly.

You were taken aback by his assertiveness. Also, it slightly annoyed you that he assumed you were unwilling to do something out of selfishness and greed. You closed your eyes and sighed before you agreed to his request. “Okay, I’m going,” you stated as you turned on your heels. Suddenly, an urge came over you and you looked back at him. “Oh and please don’t question my abilities as a doctor. I don’t question your outrageous fashion decisions,” you pointed out eyeing his bright blue shirt and shoes. You quickly turned around and ran down the hall. You could hear him call out your name as you ran.

-|-

You were examining an older woman’s arm, when Dr. Park crept up behind you. You leapt in surprise at his sudden appearance. You turned your head slightly looking at him with a disapproving glare.

“So what’s the final diagnosis?” he asked breathing down your neck.

You moved your body closer to the patients trying to avoid his presence. “Well, I think Mrs. Choi has slightly fractured her elbow. She’s going to have to wear a sling for a few weeks,” you answered while giving the patient a smile. You could sense that she was nervous. “Don’t worry, you’re going to be fine. It won’t hurt at all,” you assured her while placing your hand on her shoulder. While this interaction occurred, you swore that you saw Dr. Park let out a small smile. But you dismissed that thought quickly from your mind. There was no way the devil doctor had any sense of compassion.

When you were finished with Mrs. Choi, who was your last patient, you went upstairs to the locker room. You hadn’t changed your clothes in nearly 24 hours. Somehow you thought about Namjoon and the disapproving look he gave your appearance.

After you finished changing, you bumped into a broad figure on the way out. You rubbed your head and looked up. It was Dr. Park. Without saying anything, you maneuvered past Dr. Park who was still standing there. He quickly stepped in your way. You tried to move the opposite direction but he followed. “What is it Dr. Park?” you asked looking up at him. He didn’t say anything which you found strange. He was never at a loss for words. “Well…okay then,” you commented as you began to leave.

Suddenly he cleared his throat and spoke up. “I just wanted to say..good job. You know.. with that patient,” he tried to explain. He was clearly in pain by the compliment he just gave. Your jaw dropped. Did he just praise my skills? you thought. Your mind was blank because this was a situation you never expected. Dr. Park walked closer to you but you were completely in shock.  You stood there speechless.

“Uh..hello? Earth to Y/N,” he said waving his hands in your front of your face.

Dr. Park’s words echoed in your mind until you returned to the present and answered him. “Did..did you just compliment me?” you questioned in awe.

You saw him roll his eyes at your curiosity. “Calm down. I said good job, not I’m going to give you my kidney,” he spat.

The vain, Dr. Park had returned. If he wasn’t a doctor you swore he could have pulled off being a model or CEO. Or both. He not only had the looks but his personality was an exact match. You were used to his bossy ways, but not the outbursts of kindness. “Well thanks for recognizing my superb skills,” you boasted. You saw his eyebrow quirk at your sudden sassiness.

He ran his hand through his perfectly sculpted brown hair, his expression becoming more serious. “Are you still on call?” he asked seeming to want to continue the conversation.

You nodded your head in agreement but slightly tilted it to the side wondering why he was asking.  “You’re not going to give me more patients, are you?” you questioned nervously. He laughed at your discomfort. It was the first time you saw him smile. Somehow despite his cold personality, smiling suited him.

He shook his head and began talking. “No..I was just-“ he paused and looked down on the floor. You never saw him act like this before. “-I was wondering if you possibly wanted to go get dinner with me?” he blurted out.

If you were shocked beforehand you were completely dumbfounded. “You do realize it’s like 12 am, right?” you noted. You didn’t understand why he was being so nice towards you. Dr. Park looked down at his watch and turned red. You couldn’t help but laugh. “Dr. Park are.. are you asking me out?” you inquired raising an eyebrow.  

He wouldn’t look you in the eye. “What?! No, of course not. I just thought you would be hungry and I wanted to reward you for the good job you did,” he explained trying to cover up his embarrassment.

But you knew that Dr. Park was trying to hide his true intentions. Intentions that you found completely abnormal since he was never nice towards residents. Yet you were also curious about him. The entire time you were at Seoul University Hospital he had made your life a living hell. So it was surprising that he had a complete change in attitude. You were intrigued and wanted to find out what his objective was. “Okay, I guess it can be a late late dinner,” you added.

His eyes lit up in astonishment. “Wait..really?” he questioned surprised that you had agreed. You nodded your head, “Well you’re probably gonna use your employee card which means it’s a free meal. And I love free food,” you emphasized.

For a second you saw his expression change and he looked disappointed. Then he quickly caught himself and became serious. “You should also eat because both of us know that your brain can use some energy,” he grinned, clearly knowing the effect his words would have.

You bit your tongue, stopping yourself from saying something that you would regret. “Let’s just get food Dr. Park. I have a patient I need to check on,” you explained gritting through your teeth.  

“Of course, after you,” he said as he opened the way for you to cross.

-|-

It was a weird and awkward meal. Dr. Park went on and on about himself. He talked about his success in school and the scholarships he received in university. You sensed that he wanted to show off his accomplishments which bugged you immensely. You weren’t jealous of his success, but it seemed like he wasn’t humble at all.

Most of the time you just nodded your head to be polite and ate the food he got for you. After you finished, he followed you back to the hospital. When you entered the lobby you were worried that your co-workers would see you with him. Thankfully no one noticed that you two were together.

“Well, thanks for the food Dr. Park. I should head up now and check on my patients,” you pointed out as you stood next to the elevators. He said you’re welcome and walked the opposite way. What the hell was that? Why the hell did you agree to have dinner with him? You hit yourself on the head for your foolishness. The elevator door opened up at the oncology department. You started to walk out when you suddenly bumped into a wide chest. “Not again,” you mumbled rubbing your head due to the impact.

The rough voice spoke, “Again? When did we run into each other?” he wondered. As you lifted your head you saw it was Namjoon. You were caught off guard and backed away in surprise. “Nothing just thought it was someone I met before,” you began explaining but then stopped yourself realizing you didn’t owe him an explanation. You quickly changed the subject and questioned Namjoon why he was up.

Namjoon looked annoyed after you questioned him. “I can’t even move on my own now,” he replied.

“You could have gotten hurt,” you pointed out trying to explain how dangerous it was.

Namjoon rolled his eyes and pushed you to the side as he made his way into the elevator. “Doc, I know I have cancer but come on.. can’t a guy just live,” he stated rather nonchalantly.

You didn’t respond for a second thinking about what he said. “Where are you even going?” you asked.

“They didn’t have the candy I wanted at this vending machine so I’m going to the lobby,” he explained.

Your eyes turned bloodshot. “You risked your health for some candy?!” you boomed stepping into the elevator as well. He leaned against the railing on the side folding his arms across his chest and eyeing you. “Can you stop doing that!” you added noticing his stare.

He laughed at your annoyance. “What? I’m not doing anything,” he mentioned smirking.

You scoffed. “To hell you’re not,” you snapped.

He stood up and walked closer to you. “Doc, I think you could use some candy. It’ll ease that stress you have,” he remarked teasing your noticeable anger. Suddenly the doors closed and Namjoon stood there grinning. “Don’t worry..I’ll pay for you. I’m a gentleman,” he assured.

-|-

“So what candy do you want?” he asked while looking at the vending machine completely mesmerized. You folded your arms furiously but decided on an item anyways. “Uh that one,” you said pointing to the Kit Kat. He spun his head around and you locked eyes. As you looked into his deep brown eyes, it made you freeze up. “Doc…” Namjoon stated coyly. You quirked an eyebrow, curious by his tone “Yeah?”

“That’s my favorite!” he boasted proudly.

You let out a sigh and closed your eyes. “Great, wonderful, awesome, now can you just get the candy so we can go back upstairs. You’re supposed to be attached to your fluids,” you began explaining. But Namjoon had already turned his attention back to the vending machine. When he finally got the candy you both walked up to the elevators. As you were waiting for the doors to open you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned around and recognized it was Dr. Park. “You forgot your bag,” he said pulling it out from behind him.

Surprised to see him there, you mentioned that he could have given it to you tomorrow. “It’s okay. I thought you would need it now,” Dr. Park noted. Again you wondered why he was being nice to you.

You completely forgot that Namjoon was standing next to you until you saw him extend his arm out. “Hello, I’m Namjoon. Y/N’s patient,” he interjected. You noticed that he called you by your first name which sounded strange at first but somehow felt appropriate once it lingered in your mind. But you glared at Namjoon nonetheless. Ironically you were saved by the bell once the elevator doors opened up. “Well I guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” you told Dr. Park. He nodded his head and you hurried inside.

The atmosphere in the elevator had become so awkward that it seemed like the 14th floor was millions of miles away. “So he’s the one you thought you ran into again,” Namjoon said aloud. You turned your head towards him as the light on the screen read Floor 7.

“Boyfriend?” he added curiously.

Your eyes almost popped out of your head. “What?? He’s my boss! That would be weird,” you answered. You weren’t sure why you were explaining to a patient your relationship with someone else. Namjoon walked next to you looking at his hazy reflection on the closed doors. “I’ve seen weirder things,” he mentioned nonchalantly. “But that’s good to know,” he added. Your heart tensed up at those words. Despite the hot air blowing through the vent, you could feel a million goosebumps erupt on your skin.

Somehow the way Namjoon spoke left you feeling captivated and wanting more of. “What weird things?” you inquired completing ignoring his last statement. The elevator door dinged and you saw Floor 14 flash on the screen. “Next time Doc,” he smiled. This time his smile seemed genuine. He wasn’t being his normal arrogant and obnoxious self.

-|-

Throughout the next couple of weeks you saw Namjoon about twice a day. Since he was part of inpatient care, he barely left the hospital. That 4 by 4 room became his new home. At first you would go in and make sure his vitals were okay. You would give him his medicine and send him to his chemotherapy sessions. Your actions were that of a doctor. But, somewhere during that time, you found yourself more emotionally invested. When he would come back from chemo feeling weak and exhausted, it pained you to see him broken. Yet, the next day he would be back to his normal self. This usually consisted of trying to make you come to his room for random requests every five minutes. When you didn’t, he would make some remark about how this hospital sucked and if he was the owner he would make it better. At these statements, your feelings about him changed instantly. He no longer seemed vulnerable to you. Despite his cancer, he was still an asshole. There was no denying that.

You were walking past the nurses station, when Nurse Seokjin ran up to you. “He wants to see you,” he sighed clearly annoyed.

“I need to go get ready for a surgery,” you explained to Seokjin trying to move out of the way. You really didn’t have time to deal with his banter. But Seokjin wouldn’t let you move past. “He’s been ringing that goddam bell for the last hour. If he rings it one more time...I don’t care if he’s terminally ill I will shove it up his-” You put your hand up and stopped him from talking.

“Alright, Alright let me see what he wants,” you mentioned giving in to his request. You walked into Namjoon’s room as he was shuffling through the channels on his tv.

“Well it’s about time,” he stated when he saw that you opened the door. “What do you want Namjoon?” you asked annoyed by his childish act. He shut off the tv and shifted his body up on the bed.

“Doc, why do you have to be so mean to me?” he pouted.

“I have my reasons,” you said faking a smile. Your pager buzzed inside of your pocket and your eyes widened at the message. Dr. Park was going to cut off your head if you didn’t get to the operation room in five minutes. “Listen I’d love to chat with you but I have a surgery I need to get to,” you explained frantically turning around.

“Wait!” Namjoon called out before you opened the door. You looked back at him. “Can you get me some candy when you’re done?” he added grinning.

“Bye Namjoon,” you hissed through your teeth.

After you left his room you ran to the operating room. An intern was at the door waiting for you to arrive. “He’s boiling,” the young medical student said. While running and taking off your lab coat you prepared yourself for Jimin Park’s wrath. Deep down inside you hoped he remembered that weird but nice dinner you had so he wouldn’t cut off your head. “Just let him know I’m here,” you said to the intern. She nodded her head and left the preparation room where you were cleaning your arms and changing into the proper attire. As you were scrubbing your hands with the disinfectant, the double doors that led into the operating room swung open. Dr. Park was standing there eyeing you coldly.

“Are you fucking crazy?” he spat. You refused to look him in the eyes and kept scrubbing at your hands. “I had to see a patient of mine,” you stated nonchalantly trying not to anger him anymore.

“I don’t care if you had to see the Pope. This is a major surgery and I expected you to be here on time,” Dr. Park said.

You looked up at the clock. “I’m not late yet. I still have two minutes,” you pointed. Dr. Park seemed stunned but didn’t get angry after that remark.

“You’ve got 30 seconds to get into the room,” he mentioned before leaving and entering the designated area. After he was gone your head collapsed and you let out a deep sigh. While he was talking you were anxious the entire time. It was as if you were preparing for a tornado to hit and rip everything apart. Thankfully, the tornado never came and you felt relieved that Dr. Park didn’t get any more angrier. But at the same time you were also confused because it was unlike him.

Once the surgery was done you went back upstairs. You tiptoed in the hall, across from Namjoon’s room, praying he didn’t see you. You felt uncomfortable around him. Part of you disliked the way he spoke to you but another was also intrigued. Despite your attempt to hide from his view, he saw you. You instantly froze when he called out your name. Before you entered his room, you let out a sigh and prepared yourself mentally.

In the best fake voice you could master you replied to his call. “What do you need Namjoon?” you asked forcing a smile.

“What took you so long?” he scoffed pretending to look at his watch.

“Oh I don’t know? Just trying to save a life I guess,” you said sarcastically.

Completely ignoring what you said, he eyed your hands in search of something “Where’s my candy?” he questioned.

You clenched your jaw tightly already beginning to get annoyed. “You can’t have candy now because you just took your medicine. Did you want something else?” you added. He looked up pretending to think about something. “Well..I need to shower. I was thinking-” he smirked.

You stopped him realizing what he was saying. “Namjoon, your feet work just fine,” you stated. Out of the most inappropriate things that had come out of his mouth, this by far was the most excessive. After all you were his doctor.

He let out a whine like a baby would. “Doc, you’re no fun. Can’t you just play along c’mon.”

Now you were beginning to get mad. This was your job, you didn’t have time for fun or games. He was your patient and that was a boundary that you wanted to respect. You stepped closer to him with your arms folded across your chest. “I’m not here to fucking play. I haven’t slept in nearly 15 hours. My eyelids are about to collapse. I’ve had one granola bar and six cups of coffee. So if you think I have time to play your little games please don’t bother trying,” you hissed as each word came out of your mouth. You didn’t know where the sudden burst of confidence came from but you weren’t about to let someone take advantage of you and your time, even if he was your patient. Namjoon eyed you intently which made you uncomfortable but you dismissed that thought.  

“What?” you questioned unsure why he wasn’t responding.

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” he finally answered which shocked you.

“I’m not upset,”you said trying to defend your behavior. Partially because you didn’t want him to hold this against you in the future.

“I think you’re upset,” he added. You shook your head to suggest you weren’t.

He rolled his eyes at you. “Okay you know what? I’m not sorry. Yeah I’m an asshole sometimes, but I think I have a right,” Namjoon admitted.

Now you were upset. “You think it’s okay to be an asshole?” you questioned furiously.

“Well yeah, it’s my last chance before I die,” Namjoon mentioned casually.

You were a bit taken aback by his nonchalant attitude about his illness. “Dying does not give you an excuse to be a dick,” you uttered.

He laughed at your remark. You quirked an eyebrow at his reaction. “I think dying is a good excuse for just about anything. It’s the only perk I have in this situation,” he replied truthfully.

You scoffed at his inability to be remorseful. “You’re unbelievable.”

Namjoon gave you a grin and spoke up, “Yeah, so are you doc.” He added a smile at the end that seemed genuine. But you assumed it was his way of teasing you.

Suddenly, Namjoon got up from his bed and maneuvered his way toward you. You backed up but stood still when you saw his eyes were dark. As he got closer and his face became clearer, you realized he was completely pale. Your instincts took over and you grabbed his arms. They were ice cold. “Namjoon, are you okay?” you said holding onto both of his shoulders.

“Never been better,” he muttered as he looked down at you smiling, the same smile he gave you a few seconds ago. All of a sudden his six feet body collapsed on your frame and you almost fell over. Luckily you were able to grab onto the IV stand which supported your back. “I need some help!” you screamed out.