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p0orbaby · 18 days ago

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All I Want for Christmas

summary: your daughter didn’t get the one present she really wanted

warnings: none !

a/n: thank you for the request, i hope you like it !

word count: 2.9k

You notice something’s off with Eliana two days after Christmas. At first, it’s subtle—an anomaly so slight it could almost be chalked up to post-holiday fatigue. Normally, mornings with Eliana are chaotic in a way that feels both exhausting and oddly necessary, as though the house depends on her noise to keep it from crumbling into silence. She bursts into the day like a firework: her small feet slapping against the wood floors, her hair a wild halo of dark curls, her voice ricocheting between pitches as she narrates her life in real time or belts out whatever song has recently embedded itself in her psyche.

Today, there’s none of that. She lingers in her pyjamas—a pair with faded unicorns that she refuses to let you throw away despite the fraying cuffs—long after breakfast. When you remind her to brush her teeth, she drags her feet, her movements lethargic in a way that feels rehearsed, like she’s trying to stretch each step into eternity. It’s the absence of urgency that unsettles you. Eliana thrives on urgency. She once cried because Alexia beat her to the front door when the postman rang.

But this morning, there’s no competition. No noise. No off-key rendition of Vampire by Olivia Rodrigo echoing from the bathroom as she “forgets” to spit out her toothpaste. You’re struck by how quiet the house feels. Not peaceful—just wrong.

By lunch, the feeling hardens into certainty. Eliana picks at her sandwich with the detached precision of someone performing a task they’ve been paid to complete. She peels the crust away slowly, meticulously, her small fingers working like a jeweller inspecting a flawed diamond. The crust sits in a neat pile beside her plate, untouched. So do the carrot sticks you’ve artfully arranged into a star shape—an attempt to disguise healthy food as something fun. Usually, she’d at least nibble on the points before declaring them “too crunchy.” Today, she doesn’t even bother with the charade.

And then there’s the Coke. You could write a thesis on Eliana’s Coke-stealing habits. How she waits, biding her time like a cat stalking prey, until you’re sufficiently distracted—mid-sentence, mid-bite, mid-thought. The moment your guard drops, she strikes: clutching the can with both hands, her face breaking into a grin so triumphant it’s impossible to be mad. You always let her have one sip, though you draw the line at more. She doesn’t push her luck; she knows where the boundary is and takes satisfaction in skirting it.

But today, the Coke sits untouched. You leave it on the table deliberately, watching her from the corner of your eye, waiting for the familiar rustle of movement. It doesn’t come. She doesn’t even glance at it.

Alexia notices it too. She’s standing at the kitchen sink, rinsing the cutting board she insists on hand-washing because the dishwasher “ruins the wood” (a claim you’ve never verified but don’t argue against). “She’s been quiet today,” Alexia murmurs, glancing towards the living room. Her tone is casual, but there’s an edge of concern beneath it.

You follow her gaze. Eliana is curled up on the sofa, her knees drawn to her chest, her chin resting on top of them. The TV plays some saccharine animated film about magical snowmen and plucky penguins—one of those films where everything sparkles unnaturally, and the characters blink too often. Normally, Eliana would be transfixed, laughing at all the wrong parts and narrating the plot aloud despite everyone already watching. But today, she’s motionless. Her eyes are glassy, unfocused, as though the screen is a window to a world she can’t quite enter.

“Maybe she’s tired,” you say, though you don’t believe it. Eliana doesn’t do tired. Even as a baby, she fought sleep like it was a personal enemy, crying herself hoarse rather than admit defeat. Sleep was a battle you rarely won outright; most nights, you settled for a stalemate.

Alexia doesn’t look convinced either. She dries her hands on a dishtowel, her brow furrowed. “I don’t know,” she says. “This isn’t like her”

It isn’t. And that terrifies you in a way you can’t fully articulate. You watch her from the kitchen doorway, your hand resting lightly on the frame, as though bracing yourself against an invisible weight. She looks small. Fragile. The kind of fragile that makes you want to wrap her in bubble wrap and keep her from the world.

But it’s not her size that unnerves you—it’s the silence. Eliana’s silence feels like an absence, like something crucial has been taken away without your permission. You can’t shake the feeling that something’s wrong, though you don’t know what.

And that, more than anything, is what scares you.

You get your answer that evening, during bedtime. Eliana’s room is a testament to her devotion to pink—a monochromatic sanctuary where even the air seems tinged with a rosy hue. The walls are painted a soft blush, a decision you regretted halfway through applying the third coat but one you could never take back once she saw the finished product and declared it “princess perfect.” Her duvet cover is a riot of pastel stars, most faded from repeated wash cycles and the occasional chocolate milk spill. On her bedside table sits a lamp with a shade adorned with tiny ballerinas, their poses forever frozen mid-pirouette.

The bookshelves, crammed to the edges, are an organised chaos of her literary life. Picture books dominate the lower shelves—familiar titles with tattered spines that you could recite in your sleep (Guess How Much I Love You has practically become your mantra). Higher up, a collection of chapter books gathers dust, ambitious purchases she insisted on during a trip to the bookstore, her eyes wide with determination. She struggles with the longer words but refuses to ask for help, insisting on piecing together syllables with the kind of stubborn grit that feels both infuriating and endearing. She gets that from you.

You tuck her in with the practised efficiency of someone who has made a ritual out of bedtime. She clutches Mr Snuggles, a stuffed rabbit so battered it looks like it’s survived a war zone. He’s missing an eye, his fur matted beyond recognition, but to Eliana, he’s irreplaceable. You know this because you’ve tried to replace him—multiple times, in fact. You’ve scoured boutique toy stores, online shops, and even eBay, searching for a plush rabbit with vaguely similar dimensions. Each attempt has been met with disdain. “It’s not him,” she always says, clutching Mr Snuggles tighter as though you’d threatened to take him away permanently.

“You’ve been quiet today,” you say, brushing a strand of dark hair away from her face. Her hair has reached that awkward in-between length where it’s too long to leave unchecked but too short to do anything meaningful with. She hates the hairdressers, the stiff capes they drape over her, and the stylist’s endless chatter about her favourite Disney princess. You’ll have to bribe her with ice cream to get her there.

She doesn’t respond immediately. Her gaze drifts upwards, her eyes fixed on the ceiling as though it holds the answer to some unspoken question. Her fingers tighten around Mr Snuggles, her thumb absently stroking the spot where his eye used to be. Finally, she speaks.

“Santa didn’t bring me what I wanted”

Your stomach twists in the way it does when you know something is wrong, but you can’t yet identify what. “What do you mean?” you ask, keeping your tone light. “He brought you loads of things. That dollhouse you’ve been asking for since May, the colouring set with the glitter pens—”

“No,” she interrupts, her voice soft but resolute. “I wanted a sister”

You blink. “You wanted what?”

“A sister,” she repeats, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “And he didn’t bring me one”

For a moment, you’re too stunned to respond. Your brain cycles through a series of fragmented thoughts: What? When? How? You glance over your shoulder, half-expecting Alexia to materialise in the doorway, her presence offering a lifeline. But the hallway is empty, save for the faint hum of the washing machine on its spin cycle. You’re on your own.

“When… when did you ask Santa for a sister?” you manage, your voice strained with the effort of keeping a straight face.

“At school,” she says matter-of-factly. “We wrote letters. Miss García said we could ask for anything we wanted”

“And you asked for a sister?”

She nods, her expression solemn in the way only a six-year-old can manage when they think they’ve been wronged.

“And you didn’t think to mention this to me? Or Mamá?”

“I wanted it to be a surprise”

You press your fingers to your temples, as if physically holding your head together will help you process what you’re hearing. A surprise. Of course. Eliana watches you with wide eyes, her expression expectant. It dawns on you that she’s waiting for an explanation.

“Well,” you begin, your words slow and deliberate, as though carefully navigating a minefield, “Santa doesn’t… bring people as presents”

“Why not?”

Because it’s illegal. Because Santa isn’t real. Because your wife and I can barely handle the one child we already have.

“Because,” you say instead, stalling, “that’s not how it works. Sisters are… different. You don’t get them from Santa”

Her brow furrows, and for a moment, she looks startlingly like Alexia—her small face drawn into a frown of concentration, as though dissecting your words for hidden meaning. “Then where do they come from?”

You pause, the weight of the question settling over you like a heavy blanket. There are a dozen ways you could answer this, most of them wildly inappropriate for a six-year-old. You settle on, “From Parents, sweetheart”

She considers this for a moment, her head tilting slightly to the side. “So can you and Mamá make me one?”

The question hangs in the air, absurd and sincere in equal measure. You feel a sudden, overwhelming urge to laugh. Or cry. Or both. “It’s not that simple, Eliana”

“Why not?”

Before you can answer, Alexia appears in the doorway, her hair pulled into a loose bun, her face flushed from the effort of folding laundry. She takes one look at your face, at the strained expression and the faint sheen of panic in your eyes, and bursts out laughing.

Later that night, after Eliana is finally asleep, you and Alexia sit in the living room, letting the weight of the day settle over you. The room is dim except for the soft glow of the Christmas tree lights, blinking lazily in alternating patterns. The air smells faintly of pine needles and the remnants of the vanilla candle Alexia lit hours ago but forgot to blow out. There’s an almost sacred stillness in the house, the kind that feels rare and precious when you have a six-year-old.

Alexia hands you a glass of wine, her fingers brushing yours for a moment longer than necessary. She sits beside you on the sofa, curling her legs beneath her and pulling a blanket over both of your laps. She’s wearing an oversized hoodie—yours, you think, judging by the way the sleeves swallow her hands—and a pair of faded joggers. Her hair is loose, falling in soft waves around her face, and there’s a faint smudge of mascara beneath one eye that she hasn’t bothered to wipe off.

She looks tired but beautiful, the kind of beauty that feels effortless and intimate, like a secret only you’re privy to. It makes your chest ache in a way you don’t entirely understand.

“So,” she says, breaking the silence, “our daughter asked Santa for a sister”

You exhale, shaking your head as you take a sip of wine. It’s red, something bold and expensive that Alexia brought home last week. She has a knack for choosing good wine, even though she always claims it’s pure luck. “She did”

“And she’s heartbroken Santa didn’t deliver,” Alexia adds, her tone half-amused, half-disbelieving.

“She is,” you say, setting your glass on the coffee table. The table itself is covered in the detritus of Christmas: an abandoned roll of wrapping paper, a pair of scissors, and the instructions for the dollhouse you spent three hours assembling on Christmas Eve while Alexia supervised with a glass of champagne in hand.

Alexia leans back, stretching her legs across your lap. Her socked feet are warm against your thigh, and she wiggles her toes absently as she looks at you. “What do you think?” she asks, her voice light, as if she’s testing the waters.

“About Eliana asking for a sister?”

“No,” she says, her lips twitching into a small smile. “About giving her one”

You laugh, a short, sharp sound that feels more defensive than amused. “You can’t be serious”

“Why not?”

“Why not?” you repeat, incredulous. “Because we barely survived the first time around. Do you not remember the colic? The sleepless nights? The time she screamed for three hours straight because she didn’t like the colour of her bib?”

Alexia tilts her head, as if genuinely considering your words. “She was a baby. That’s what babies do”

“Exactly. And you want to do it all over again?”

Her smile widens, and there’s a mischievous glint in her eyes now. “Maybe”

You groan, leaning your head back against the sofa. “You’re insane”

“I’m not,” she insists, nudging your thigh with her foot. “Think about it. Eliana’s older now. She’s more independent. She’s in school most of the day. We’re not in the trenches anymore”

“The trenches,” you mutter, reaching for your wine again.

Alexia shifts closer, her foot still resting against your thigh. “I loved it, you know. All of it. Even the hard parts”

“You loved it?”

“Yes,” she says firmly. “I loved being a mum to a newborn. Watching her grow, seeing all the little things she learned every day. It was… magical”

You glance at her, and the soft, wistful expression on her face makes something inside you twist.

“And you,” she continues, her voice lowering slightly, “you were amazing”

“Alexia,” you say, a hint of warning in your tone.

“I’m serious,” she says, her hand finding yours beneath the blanket. Her fingers are warm, her grip gentle but insistent. “You were. You still are. And when you were pregnant…”

You raise an eyebrow. “What?”

She grins, her teeth catching the light. “You were insatiable”

“Oh, for God’s sake”

“It’s true,” she says, laughing now. “I could barely keep up with you”

“You managed,” you mutter, taking another sip of wine.

Her laughter fades into a softer, more thoughtful smile. “I’m just saying,” she says, her thumb brushing over the back of your hand, “I wouldn’t mind doing it all over again”

You study her, trying to discern if she’s really serious or just testing the waters. But there’s something in her eyes, a quiet certainty that unnerves you.

“You really want another baby,” you say, not quite a question.

She nods. “I do”

“And when were you planning on telling me this?”

She shrugs, looking faintly sheepish. “I don’t know. I guess I was waiting for the right moment”

“Like now? After our daughter guilt-tripped us with her Santa request?”

Alexia laughs, and the sound is warm and infectious. “Exactly”

You shake your head, but a small smile tugs at your lips despite yourself. “You’re unbelievable”

“I’m practical,” she counters. “Think about it. We can afford it. We have the space. The time. A great support system. Mami would love to help us out again”

You raise an eyebrow. “You want to tell her we’re thinking about having another baby? You know she’ll start knitting booties the second the words leave your mouth”

Alexia shrugs, unbothered. “Let her. Eliana would love matching booties for her and her sibling”

The image of Eliana holding a tiny, wriggling baby flashes in your mind, unbidden. It’s too cute, too perfect, and you push it away before it can take root.

“It’s not just about logistics,” you say quietly.

“I know,” Alexia says, her voice softening. “But we’ve done this before. We know what to expect now. And we’re not the same people we were back then. We’re stronger. Better”

You glance at her, at the quiet confidence in her expression, and feel a pang of guilt for doubting her. She’s right, of course. You’ve come so far since those early days with Eliana. But still, the thought of starting over feels overwhelming.

“I don’t know,” you say finally. “It’s a lot to think about”

Alexia nods, her thumb still tracing slow circles on the back of your hand. “I’m not asking for a decision tonight. Just… think about it”

You nod, letting your head rest against her shoulder. The wineglass dangles from your fingers, forgotten. The weight of her hand on yours, the steady rise and fall of her breath, grounds you.

For a moment, the two of you sit in silence, the only sound the faint hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen. Then Alexia speaks again, her voice so soft you almost don’t hear her.

“She’d be a great big sister,” she says. “Don’t you think?”

You close your eyes, letting the words settle over you. In your mind’s eye, you see Eliana again, her wide, hopeful eyes as she clutched Mr Snuggles to her chest. You see her laughing, running through the park with a smaller version of herself trailing behind her.

“Yeah,” you say quietly. “She would”

#alexia putellas #alexia putellas x reader #fcb femeni #fcb femeni x reader #espwnt #espwnt x reader #woso #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso community

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nyao-mi · 1 year ago

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NOT MY ASTARION BRAIN ROT CONTINUING CUS LIKE i just got the scene where he literally says he misses seeing his face and that like he wishes he knew what he looked like and i??? WANTED SO BADLY FOR IT TO BE AN OPTION TO DRAW HIM

LIKE IMAGINE STARING AT HIM ACROSS THE BONFIRE, watching the way the light dances across his pale skin. youve been through hard times and one of the things you've learned to get through it was to draw

at first, you loathed the fact that you had to paint rich people for mere couple pieces of gold when you knew your art was worth more than that. you loathed even more that they'd upturn their posh noses at you and scoff when, truly, they knew what a treasure your art was.

now, seeing astarion, the way his white hair seemed to almost form a halo around his head, reflecting the moonbeams that graced his body, watching as he crossed his legs and meditated; you knew that you didn't regret a single second of the trials and tribulations that led you to this point.

you could finally put this agonizing skill to use. you could draw him.

and so you scrounged up some paper, an ink well, a quill; all things you'd pocketed during your adventures with the rather willful vampire.

you sat there, nib of the quill scratching against the parchment.

your art was nothing compared to the paintings you'd done before; these were mere lines and ink blots. you wished you could truly show him how beautiful he was through water color or pastels. instead, trapped in a land you barely knew, all you could do for him was this.

he had his eyes closed, of course, so you drew them from memory. strikingly red, like rubies, like blood. you didn't forget his crow's feet; you loved the way they wrinkled when he laughed. you shaped his lips, soft but rough from years of bite and chew, and formed it into his infamous mischievous grin.

his hair always seemed unruly but, drawing it now, it felt like drawing gorgeous chaos; there was an order to it, the way the bangs fell across his forehead, the way the sides feathered in front of his ears and curled behind them.

when you stopped, you realised you'd drawn him over and over, across several pieces of parchment.

the way he frowned and his fangs would glance across his lips. the way he'd look confused and his eyebrows would furrow. the way he'd look longingly at the stars, mind distant and eyes almost empty, like he'd made so many wishes that were never granted by the cosmos.

you never liked tooting your own horn but you felt like you truly captured him.

so, you took your pieces of paper, all drawings of him, dozens of them, small and sketchy; you took it all and you sat beside him and spread them out in front of you.

it took him a second to realise you were there. he'd been letting his guard down recently, especially when you were on watch duty, and it took you laying your head across his shoulder for his eyes to flutter open.

he opened his mouth, like there had almost been a retort slipping off his tongue, but the sight of your drawings stopped him.

he let out a ragged breath, eyes flickering across all of them. his clawed hands hovered in the air, trembling, as if taking a hold of the drawings would make them crumble under his touch.

and perhaps, in his head, he really believed they would.

'darling,' he'd call you, his voice wet with unshed tears 'what's all of this?'

of course he'd still joke. it was how he coped with things. he joked to hide how he truly felt and, of course, you were always there to understand.

'it's you,' you answered a matter-of-factly, as if you hadn't just turned this vampires world upside down 'its you the way i see you.'

and that's what makes him crack. because maybe, since you were the one that drew all of it, you hadn't noticed. but he noticed.

he noticed all the love and devotion you spilled across the page. every single detail, every single stroke, it was all from love.

and as someone who had never been on the receiving end of it, astarion cracked and he hid his face into your neck and he cried.

they were soft sobs, almost unnoticeable. but he cried nonetheless.

he cried for his past that he'd lost under his sadistic master, he cried for his difficult present that seemed impossible to escape, and he cried for this hopeful future you seemed to lay out in front of him.

he cried because he didn't realise that he had this much hope left inside of him. because he didn't know what else to do in the face of your devotion.

you just sat there, humming and rubbing his back, ignoring the way his arm wrapped around your waist, claws digging into your skin as if you'd disappear in front of him if he didn't hold on to you as tightly as possible.

#astarion bg3 #astarion #astarion x reader #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 spoilers #my sweet vampire baby #hes just a big pathetic meow meow

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ijustmissyouraccenths · 12 days ago

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Love Bites

A bookstore barista catches the attention of a vampire drawn to her scent, and everything changes when she invites him in.

Word Count: 6,956

Content Warning: mentions of blood and biting.

The rain poured steadily, creating rivers along the curbs and a persistent rhythm against the asphalt. Y/n pulled her coat tighter around her, the cold seeping through the damp fabric. The dim glow of streetlights reflected off the wet pavement, casting distorted halos that barely lit the way. Her shoes squished with every step, water seeping through the soles as she navigated the uneven sidewalk.

She glanced around, the city that never sleeps unusually subdued in the downpour. The occasional car splashed by, headlights cutting through the darkness, but the streets felt eerily empty. Her apartment was still several blocks away, and the thought of the warmth inside kept her moving despite the chill that gripped her.

The rain masked the usual cacophony of the city, leaving only the sound of water and her own breathing. As she rounded a corner, a faint light from a bodega sign flickered, offering a brief sense of orientation in the endless maze of shadows and slick surfaces.

“Almost there,” she muttered to herself, her voice barely audible over the rain. But with every step forward, the night seemed to grow darker, the path more uncertain.

Y/n barely noticed the bodega’s door swinging open until a figure stepped out into the rain. She flinched slightly, startled by the sudden movement. A man stood there, pulling up the hood of his coat, his face half-lit by the flickering neon sign above.

“Bit of a miserable night, isn’t it?” he said, his accent soft and distinctly British, cutting through the rain like a warm thread.

Y/n blinked, momentarily caught off guard. The man’s green eyes seemed to hold an unusual brightness despite the gloom, his hair damp and curling slightly at the edges where it peeked out from under his hood.

“Yeah, you could say that,” she replied, clutching her coat a little tighter, the chill biting at her fingertips.

He gave a small, almost sheepish smile, the kind that didn’t quite belong on someone standing in the middle of a downpour. “You alright? Look like you’ve had a bit of a rough one.”

Y/n hesitated, unsure why she felt compelled to answer. There was something disarming about him, his tone unassuming, as if they’d crossed paths a thousand times before. “Just trying to get home,” she finally said, her voice soft but steady.

He nodded, glancing down the street as if considering her path. “Not too far, I hope?”

“A few more blocks,” she said, motioning vaguely in the direction she’d been heading.

He tilted his head, a small crease forming between his brows. “This time of night, in this weather… mind some company? At least until you’re closer to home?”

Y/n studied him for a moment, weighing her options. He didn’t seem threatening—just someone caught in the same rainstorm, maybe trying to make it a little less lonely. After a pause, she gave a slight nod.

“Alright,” she said, her voice quieter now. “If you don’t mind.”

“Not at all, I’m Harry by the way,” he replied, falling into step beside her. The rain continued its steady rhythm, but somehow, the darkness didn’t feel quite so heavy anymore.

The rain softened to a mist as Y/n and Harry walked side by side, their footsteps splashing lightly against the wet pavement. The quiet lull of the city made their conversation feel intimate, as though the rest of the world had faded away.

“So,” Y/n began, sneaking a glance at him from the corner of her eye. His hood had slipped back slightly, revealing more of his damp curls. “What were you doing out so late in this weather?”

Harry smiled faintly, his hands buried in his coat pockets. “Needed a walk. Clears my head, y’know? And the rain… well, it’s peaceful in its own way.”

Y/n hummed in agreement, noting the melodic lilt of his voice. She found herself glancing at him more often than she meant to. There was something otherworldly about him—his pale complexion almost luminous under the faint glow of the streetlights, his features sharp but softened by a kindness in his eyes.

“And you? What’s got you out here braving the elements?” he asked, turning his gaze toward her.

“Long day at work,” she admitted, sighing. “I usually take the subway, but it was packed, and I just… needed some air.”

Harry nodded, as if he understood completely. “Fair enough. Sometimes the chaos down there feels worse than the storm up here.”

As they walked, Y/n noticed how his presence seemed to ease her nerves. She didn’t normally trust strangers—especially not in a city like this, and especially not on dark, rainy nights. But with Harry, it felt different. She couldn’t explain it, but she felt safe, as though he was someone she’d known for years rather than minutes.

They reached the corner of her street, and she glanced at him again. His coat clung to his frame, and she realized he wasn’t shivering despite the cold. In fact, he seemed entirely unaffected by the weather, like he belonged to the rain and the darkness surrounding them.

“You live nearby?” she asked, trying to keep the conversation going.

He nodded, gesturing vaguely down the street. “A few buildings that way. Looks like we’re practically neighbors.”

She smiled, a small warmth blossoming in her chest. “Small world.”

Harry’s gaze lingered on her for a moment, a softness there that made her cheeks heat despite the cold. “It is,” he said quietly, his tone almost wistful.

As they stopped in front of her apartment building, Y/n hesitated, unsure of what to say. She didn’t want the moment to end, even though they were still practically strangers.

“This is me,” she said finally, gesturing toward the door.

Harry nodded, his smile faint but genuine. “Glad I could walk you home, Y/n.”

She blinked, her heart skipping. “How did you know my name?”

For a split second, his expression flickered—something unreadable passing across his face—but then his smile returned. “You told me earlier, didn’t you?”

Y/n frowned, certain she hadn’t. But before she could question it further, Harry gave a slight nod.

“Get inside before you catch a cold,” he said gently. “Goodnight.”

And just like that, he turned and disappeared into the misty rain, leaving Y/n standing there, heart racing, wondering why she felt so drawn to him.

The next day

The bell above the bookshop door jingled as Y/n worked behind the counter, the steady hum of espresso machines and soft chatter creating a comforting background noise. She loved her job, it was the perfect blend of cozy and bustling, surrounded by books and the aroma of freshly brewed coffee.

She glanced up as a familiar figure caught her eye. Harry was sitting at a corner table in the café, a book open in front of him. His damp curls from the night before were now dry, but he still had that same ethereal look about him—pale and strikingly beautiful, like he’d stepped out of a painting.

Y/n hesitated for a moment, then decided to approach him. She grabbed a clean cloth and pretended to wipe down the nearby table before stopping beside his.

“Well, well,” she said, crossing her arms with a teasing smile. “Are you following me now, or is this just a coincidence?”

Harry looked up from his book, his lips curving into a small smile. “Caught me,” he replied, his tone playful. “Couldn’t resist the coffee.”

Y/n chuckled, leaning slightly against the back of a chair. “You know, most people come here for the books and the coffee. It’s kind of our thing.”

He raised a brow, amusement dancing in his green eyes. “Is that so? What if I’m just here for the company?”

She rolled her eyes, suppressing the grin tugging at her lips. “Smooth.” Gesturing to the menu board, she asked, “Can I get you anything? Coffee? Pastry? We’ve got these killer croissants today.”

Harry tilted his head slightly, his expression unreadable. “I don’t really eat…”

Y/n blinked, her smile faltering. “Oh. Uh… okay. Just coffee, then?”

He shook his head, his gaze steady but kind. “I’m good with this.” He tapped the book in front of him, avoiding her curious stare.

A strange vibe settled between them, and Y/n felt a small prickle of unease. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but something about the way he’d said it—so casual, yet so odd—stuck with her.

“Well, if you change your mind, I’m just over there,” she said, forcing a smile as she nodded toward the counter.

“Thanks, Y/n,” Harry said softly, his voice carrying that same calm warmth that had put her at ease the night before.

She walked away, glancing back once to find him already immersed in his book again. The unease lingered, though, as if there was more to Harry than he was letting on.

Y/n lingered behind the counter, her hands busy with a towel as she wiped down the espresso machine. But her thoughts kept drifting to Harry, sitting so calmly at his table like he belonged there, as if their encounter last night hadn’t been strange at all. The question that had nagged her since then resurfaced, and before she could overthink it, she walked back over to his table.

“Alright,” she said, stopping in front of him, her arms crossed over her apron. “I need to ask you something.”

Harry looked up from his book, his brow lifting slightly. “Go on.”

She hesitated, suddenly feeling a little self-conscious under his calm, steady gaze. “Last night, when you walked me home, you said my name. But I never told you what it was. How did you know?”

For a moment, Harry didn’t say anything. His lips parted as if he were about to speak, but he seemed to think better of it. Finally, he leaned back in his chair, a faint smile playing on his lips.

“You sure you didn’t tell me?” he asked lightly, though there was something unreadable in his tone.

“I’m sure,” Y/n said firmly, narrowing her eyes. “It’s not exactly something I forget.”

Harry tilted his head, his expression thoughtful. “Maybe I overheard someone else say it.”

“There was no one else around,” she countered, crossing her arms tighter.

He chuckled softly, the sound low and melodic. “You’re very observant, aren’t you?”

“It’s a fair question,” she pressed, feeling a mix of curiosity and frustration. “It’s not every day a stranger magically knows your name.”

Harry’s smile faded slightly, his gaze softening. “You’re right,” he said quietly. “It’s not.”

Y/n felt her breath hitch at his tone, the way it seemed to hold more weight than his casual demeanor suggested.

“So?” she prompted, leaning closer. “How?”

Harry glanced down at his book for a moment, his fingers brushing the edges of the pages. Then he looked back up at her, his green eyes almost glowing under the café’s warm lights.

“Let’s just say,” he began, his voice low and deliberate, “I’m very good with names. Especially when they belong to people I’d like to remember.”

Y/n blinked, caught off guard by the intensity in his words. There was something cryptic in his answer, something that left her feeling like she was only scratching the surface of a much larger mystery.

She straightened, unsure of how to respond. “That’s… vague.”

Harry smiled again, softer this time. “Maybe some things are better left that way.”

Y/n studied him for a moment longer, her unease mixed with an undeniable curiosity. Finally, she nodded, stepping back. “Alright, mystery man. But don’t think I’m letting this go.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to,” he said, his smile returning, though his eyes seemed to hold a secret he wasn’t quite ready to share.

The days slipped by, and the bookshop settled back into its usual rhythm—customers browsing shelves, the hiss of steam from the espresso machine, the steady hum of conversations drifting through the café. But Y/n’s thoughts kept wandering to Harry.

She hadn’t seen him since that day. No quiet figure tucked into the corner with a book, no knowing smiles or cryptic comments. She found herself glancing toward the door whenever the bell jingled, half-expecting him to walk in with that calm, unreadable expression. But he didn’t.

“Everything okay?” her coworker, Ellie, asked as she restocked a display of mugs.

Y/n blinked, realizing she’d been staring at the café’s empty corner table for too long. “Yeah,” she said quickly, forcing a smile. “Just zoning out.”

Ellie gave her a knowing look. “You’ve been weird lately. Is this about the guy who was here the other day? The tall one with the curls?”

“What? No,” Y/n said, maybe a little too defensively.

Ellie smirked. “Uh-huh. Sure.”

Y/n sighed, brushing a stray hair from her face. “It’s not like that. He’s just… interesting. And I haven’t seen him around. I might’ve scared him off.”

Ellie raised an eyebrow. “What’d you do? Grill him on his life story?”

“Maybe,” Y/n muttered, heat rising to her cheeks.

Her coworker laughed. “Relax. If he’s worth it, he’ll come back. Guys like that always do.”

But as the hours ticked by and the café emptied out for the night, Y/n couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. Harry wasn’t just any guy. There was something different about him—something that made her want to figure him out, even if she couldn’t explain why.

Later, as she locked up the shop and stepped out into the crisp evening air, she found herself looking down the street toward the direction of his building. The thought crossed her mind: What if I went to see if he’s around?

She shook her head, pushing the idea away. It was silly. He was a stranger, practically. But even as she walked home, she couldn’t help but wonder if she’d see him again or if she’d scared him away for good.

The rain had stopped earlier in the evening, leaving the streets slick and shining under the glow of the streetlights. Y/n pulled her jacket tighter around herself as she walked, the familiar route past the bodega feeling strangely empty tonight.

She hadn’t planned to take this way home, but her feet had carried her here anyway, as if some part of her was hoping to see him again. The corner bodega’s neon sign buzzed faintly, casting a pale light on the pavement. The door was open, a faint clink of glass bottles and low conversation spilling out, but Harry wasn’t there.

Y/n lingered for a moment, pretending to check her phone as she glanced around. The street was quiet except for the occasional car passing by, its headlights cutting through the dimness.

What are you even doing? she thought, feeling a little ridiculous. It wasn’t like Harry had promised to meet her here or even hinted at being nearby. For all she knew, he was off doing something completely unrelated to her.

Still, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was missing something—or someone.

With a sigh, she adjusted her bag on her shoulder and started walking again, her shoes clicking softly against the wet pavement. The night felt heavier than usual, as if the city itself was holding its breath.

When she finally reached her apartment building, she paused on the steps, casting one last glance down the street. Nothing. No sign of him, no flash of dark curls or the quiet intensity of his gaze.

Maybe he really is gone, she thought, a pang of disappointment settling in her chest.

As she unlocked the door and stepped inside, she resolved to let it go. Harry was just a stranger who had crossed her path briefly—nothing more.

The weeks passed in a blur of routine. Y/n poured herself into her work at the café, stacking books, crafting perfect cappuccinos, and chatting with regulars. But her mind often drifted to Harry—his mysterious air, his cryptic comments, and his sudden absence. Every night she took the same route past the bodega, hoping for even a glimpse of him, but the streets remained empty of him.

Until one night.

The air was biting as she walked, her breath visible in the faint glow of the streetlights. The bodega’s sign buzzed faintly in the distance, and she was about to pass it when a shadow shifted in her peripheral vision.

“Y/n.”

The voice was unmistakable—low, soft, and tinged with something that made her heart skip. She turned quickly, and there he was.

But he wasn’t the same Harry she remembered. His usually radiant complexion looked pale and dull, his dark curls messier than before. There were faint shadows under his eyes, and his shoulders seemed to sag as if the weight of the world was pressing down on him.

“Harry,” she breathed, a mix of relief and concern flooding her. “Where have you been?”

He offered a faint smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Around.” His voice was hoarse, like he hadn’t spoken much in days.

Y/n took a hesitant step closer, her worry growing. “You don’t look so good. Are you okay?”

He hesitated, his gaze flickering down the street as if he were debating whether to stay or leave. “I’ll be fine,” he said finally, though the words felt hollow.

She frowned, crossing her arms. “That’s not convincing.” Without thinking, she added, “Come back to my place. You look like you need… something. Rest, food, whatever.”

Harry’s eyes snapped to hers, wide with surprise. For a moment, he seemed frozen, as if the idea of being taken care of was foreign to him. “Y/n, I—”

“No arguments,” she interrupted, her voice firmer than she expected. “It’s cold, and you look like you’re about to keel over. My apartment’s just a few blocks away.”

He stared at her, his jaw tightening as if he were about to refuse. But then something in his expression softened, and he gave a small nod.

“Alright,” he murmured. “Lead the way.”

The walk to her apartment was quiet, the sound of their footsteps the only noise between them. Y/n kept glancing at him out of the corner of her eye, trying to piece together what had happened in the weeks since she’d last seen him. He looked strung out.

When they reached her building, she opened the door and gestured for him to follow her inside. “It’s not much,” she said as they climbed the stairs, “but it’s warm.”

Once inside, she flipped on the lights, casting the small living room in a cozy glow. Harry stepped in hesitantly, his gaze sweeping over the space.

“Make yourself comfortable,” she said, shrugging off her coat. “I’ll grab you something to drink.”

He nodded, sinking onto the edge of her couch as if he didn’t quite belong there. As Y/n moved to the kitchen, she couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to him and why, despite his mysterious nature, she felt so compelled to help him.

Y/n filled a glass with water in the kitchen, the sound of the tap running filling the quiet apartment. She glanced toward the living room, where Harry sat on the edge of the couch, his posture stiff, his hands loosely clasped between his knees.

“Here,” she said, walking over and holding the glass out to him. “You look like you could use this.”

Harry glanced at it but didn’t move to take it. “I’m not thirsty,” he said softly, his tone calm but firm.

Y/n frowned, lowering the glass slightly. “You sure? You look—”

“I’m sure,” he interrupted gently, offering a faint smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

She hesitated, the glass still in her hand. The refusal wasn’t rude, but there was something about it that felt… off. Her instincts prickled again, the same way they had back at the café when he’d made that odd comment about not eating food.

To ease the tension building in her chest, she forced a nervous laugh and said, “What, are you a vampire or something?”

The room fell silent.

Harry’s faint smile vanished, and his gaze locked on hers, unblinking and intense. The air seemed to shift, the cozy warmth of the apartment suddenly feeling stifling.

Y/n’s heart thudded in her chest as the seconds stretched on, her own laugh fading into the stillness. “I was just kidding,” she said quickly, her voice quieter now.

Harry’s expression softened slightly, but there was something guarded in his eyes. “That’s an interesting guess,” he said finally, his tone measured.

The way he said it sent a chill down her spine. She tried to laugh again, but it came out shaky. “Well, you’re pale, you don’t eat, you’re… mysterious. You kind of fit the stereotype.”

Harry leaned back slightly, his lips pressing into a thin line. “And would it scare you if I were?”

Y/n froze, her pulse pounding in her ears. She couldn’t tell if he was joking or not—and that uncertainty was the most unsettling part of all.

“Harry,” she said carefully, her voice barely above a whisper. “You’re kidding, right?”

He didn’t answer immediately, his gaze dropping to the floor for a moment before meeting hers again. “Maybe,” he said quietly, a faint smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

The room felt heavier now, the unspoken tension crackling in the air. Y/n clutched the glass tighter, her mind racing. She couldn’t decide if he was messing with her or if there was something she was better off not knowing.

Y/n blinked, unsure if she had heard him correctly. “What?” she asked, her voice a little unsteady.

Harry tilted his head slightly, his green eyes steady and unreadable. “If I were a vampire,” he said softly, his tone as calm as if they were discussing the weather, “would you let me… drink your blood?”

Her heart skipped a beat, and she continued to tighten her grip on the glass of water, unsure whether to laugh, run, or… stay. The question was absurd, yet the way he asked it—so direct, so quiet—made her pulse quicken in a way she couldn’t quite define.

“I—uh…” Y/n stammered, shifting on her feet. She tried to gauge his expression, but it was impossible to tell if he was serious or just teasing her.

“You’re nervous,” Harry said, leaning forward slightly. His voice was low, but it wasn’t threatening. If anything, it sounded… curious. “But you’re not afraid.”

Y/n swallowed hard, her breath catching as she realized he was right. Her nervousness wasn’t from fear—it was from something else entirely. A strange mix of curiosity and anticipation coursed through her, leaving her unsure of how to respond.

“Well,” she said finally, trying to keep her voice light, “I think most people would be nervous if someone asked to suck their blood, Harry. Hypothetically or not.”

His lips quirked into the faintest of smiles, though his gaze remained fixed on her. “Fair point,” he murmured, his tone almost playful. “But you haven’t answered the question.”

Y/n stared at him, her mind racing. Was he joking? Was he testing her? Was this just another layer of his cryptic nature, or was there something more?

“I don’t know,” she said at last, her voice quiet. “Would it hurt?”

The question escaped her before she could stop it, and her cheeks burned as she realized what she’d just said.

Harry’s smile grew slightly, the intensity in his eyes softening just a fraction. “Not as much as you’d think,” he said, his voice low, almost a whisper.

For a moment, the room felt impossibly still, the air thick with an unspoken tension. Y/n’s mind screamed at her to break the silence, to laugh it off, to do something—but all she could do was stand there, caught in the strange pull of his gaze.

Harry’s gaze darkened, his lips curving into a faint, almost predatory smile. “So,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “Would you let me do it?”

Y/n’s breath hitched, her pulse pounding so loudly she was sure he could hear it. She didn’t speak, couldn’t find the words, but after a moment, she nodded—slowly, hesitantly.

His eyes flickered with something she couldn’t quite place, and before she could second-guess herself, Harry closed the distance between them. His hands cupped her face with a gentleness that contrasted sharply with the tension in the air, and then his lips were on hers.

The kiss was soft at first, exploratory, but it quickly deepened, his fingers threading through her hair as he pulled her closer. Y/n felt like the world had narrowed to just the two of them, every thought and worry drowned out by the electric connection sparking between them.

Before she realized it, Harry’s lips left hers, trailing a line of featherlight kisses along her jaw, down to the curve of her neck.

“Trust me,” he murmured against her skin, his breath warm and sending shivers down her spine.

Y/n barely had time to process his words before she felt the sharp, sudden sting of his teeth breaking the surface of her skin. The pain was fleeting, replaced almost instantly by a strange, heady warmth that spread through her like liquid fire. Her knees wobbled, and she clutched at his shoulders to steady herself, her mind spinning.

Harry held her firmly, his grip strong but careful, as if he were afraid of breaking her. She could feel the pull of his mouth on her neck, the sensation both terrifying and intoxicating.

When he finally drew back, his lips red and his breathing heavy, Y/n swayed slightly, her vision hazy.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly, his voice laced with concern.

Y/n blinked up at him, her hand instinctively going to her neck. She nodded, though her words came out shaky. “Yeah… I think so.”

Harry’s expression softened, his hand brushing her cheek. “Good,” he murmured. But there was something in his eyes—an intensity, a hunger—that made her heart race all over again.

Y/n leaned back against the armrest of the couch, her hand still pressed lightly to her neck. The room felt brighter, sharper—her senses alive in a way they had never been before. She wasn’t scared; if anything, she felt a strange, almost blissful calm.

“Is this…” she began, her voice dreamy, “going to turn me into a vampire or something?”

Harry let out a low laugh, wiping at the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. “No,” he said, his tone amused but gentle. “It doesn’t work like that. It’s a bit more… complicated than in the stories.”

Y/n tilted her head, her curiosity piqued despite the haze of euphoria swirling through her. “So, how does it work?”

Harry’s eyes softened as he looked at her, though the faint hunger lingering in them hadn’t entirely disappeared. “You’d have to drink from me, for one,” he said, his voice low, intimate. “But it’s not something I’d let happen. Not to you.”

She frowned slightly, her fingers absently tracing her neck where she could feel the faint warmth from the bite. “Why not?”

He smiled faintly, leaning closer, his hand brushing a strand of hair from her face. “Because I like you the way you are,” he said simply, his voice carrying an honesty that made her heart skip.

The faint flush in her cheeks deepened, and she looked away, suddenly self-conscious. “You’re… different,” she murmured, unsure if it was a compliment or an observation.

“So are you,” Harry countered, his voice soft but serious. “More than you know.”

Before she could respond, he added, almost to himself, “You taste… sweet. Like nothing I’ve ever had before.” His gaze met hers, his lips curving into a sly smile. “I could find myself addicted to you, Y/n.”

Her heart thudded at his words, a mix of excitement and trepidation flooding her. “Is that… a bad thing?”

Harry’s smile faltered for a moment, and his expression grew darker, more thoughtful. “It could be,” he admitted, his voice quieter now. “For both of us.”

The weight of his words hung between them, but Y/n found herself unable to look away from him. Despite everything—his mysterious nature, his cryptic answers, and now, the undeniable truth of what he was—she didn’t feel afraid.

Instead, she felt drawn to him even more.

Harry’s gaze held hers, an intensity in his expression that made Y/n’s breath catch. He leaned back slightly, running a hand through his tousled curls as if weighing whether or not to speak.

Finally, he sighed, his voice low and deliberate. “The first night I saw you… outside the bodega,” he began, his green eyes locking onto hers, “it wasn’t by chance.”

Y/n tilted her head, confusion flickering across her face. “What do you mean?”

He hesitated, a faint flicker of guilt flashing in his expression. “I… I caught your scent,” he admitted, his tone softer now. “As I walked out, it hit me like nothing I’d ever experienced before. Sweet, warm, impossible to ignore.”

She blinked, stunned by his words. “You smelled me?”

Harry gave a small, almost apologetic smile. “It’s a… heightened sense. Part of what I am. Your scent—it was unlike anything I’d ever encountered. I couldn’t help myself. I followed it.”

Y/n’s pulse quickened, her thoughts racing. “You followed me?”

“To your apartment,” he admitted, his voice steady but tinged with vulnerability. “And then… to your job the next day. I couldn’t stay away. I needed to understand why I felt so drawn to you.”

Y/n stared at him, her mind swirling with questions. “So… when you showed up at the café, that wasn’t a coincidence either?”

He shook his head, leaning forward slightly. “No. It was intentional. But when I met you, when we talked… it wasn’t just your scent anymore. You were…” He trailed off, searching for the right words. “You were magnetic. I was… enamored.”

Her cheeks flushed, and she felt her stomach flip at his confession. “Then why did you stop coming around?”

Harry looked away, his jaw tightening briefly. “Because I was afraid you’d catch on. That you’d figure out what I am, or worse… that I’d lose control.” He met her gaze again, his voice softer now. “But when I saw you taking that same route every night, I knew you were looking for me. And I couldn’t stay away anymore.”

Y/n’s breath caught in her throat. “You came back… for me?”

“Yes,” he said simply, his tone unwavering. “I tried to stay away, but you… you make that impossible.”

Her heart thudded in her chest, the weight of his words settling over her. She should’ve been frightened—by the revelation, by the intensity of his feelings but instead, she felt a strange sense of relief, like a puzzle piece clicking into place.

“I don’t know what it is about you, Y/n,” Harry continued, his voice low, almost reverent. “But you’ve pulled me in, and I’m not sure I could let go even if I wanted to.”

Y/n took a shaky breath, her hand still resting on her neck where his teeth had pierced her skin. Her heart was racing, but not from fear. She looked at him, meeting his gaze, and finally admitted, “I feel it too. Like… there’s some kind of connection between us. I can’t explain it, but it’s there.”

Harry’s eyes softened, a flicker of relief crossing his face. “I’ve felt it from the moment I saw you,” he murmured.

She hesitated, her fingers curling into her lap as she worked up the courage to ask the question lingering in her mind. “Do you… do you drink from other people?”

Harry shook his head, his expression turning serious. “No,” he said firmly. “We have other ways to get blood. Hospitals, banks, sources that… don’t involve hurting anyone. Feeding directly from someone—it’s rare for my kind, and we don’t take it lightly.”

She studied him for a moment, her chest tightening as a strange mix of emotions swirled within her. “But you drank from me,” she said quietly.

He nodded, his gaze steady. “I did. I shouldn’t have, but… I couldn’t resist. You’re—” He stopped himself, his jaw clenching slightly before he continued. “You’re different, Y/n. I’ve never wanted someone’s blood like I wanted yours. But it’s not just that. It’s you.”

Her cheeks flushed, and she glanced away, unsure how to process his words. After a moment, she looked back at him, meeting his gaze directly. “So… you’re a vampire.”

Harry blinked, and then a low laugh rumbled from his chest. He leaned back slightly, his lips curving into a faint smirk. “That’s such a dramatic word,” he said, amusement flickering in his eyes. “But yes, I suppose that’s what you’d call it.”

Y/n arched an eyebrow, her nervousness fading slightly as his humor eased the tension in the room. “I mean, it is what you are, isn’t it?”

He chuckled again, shaking his head. “It just sounds… cheesy, doesn’t it? Like I’m straight out of some old gothic novel.”

“Well,” she said, a small smile tugging at her lips, “you did just bite me and drink my blood, so… maybe the label fits.”

Harry grinned, his fangs briefly flashing in the light, and Y/n couldn’t help but laugh softly.

Y/n shifted on the couch, her curiosity burning brighter than ever. She tucked her legs beneath her, leaning forward slightly. “I have so many questions,” she admitted, her voice trembling just a little, but more with excitement than fear.

Harry smirked, resting his arm on the back of the couch as he watched her. “Then ask,” he said smoothly. “I’ll answer—within reason.”

She narrowed her eyes at him playfully. “Within reason? That sounds suspicious.”

His smirk grew, a glimmer of mischief in his eyes. “There are some things you might not be ready to hear yet, love. But I’ll do my best.”

Y/n rolled her eyes but smiled despite herself. “Fine. First question: how old are you? Like, really?”

Harry laughed, the sound deep and rich. “Straight to the point, I see. I’m… older than I look. A little over a century.”

Her eyes widened, and she couldn’t help but lean back in disbelief. “A century? You’re over a hundred years old?”

“Give or take a decade,” he said, his tone light. “Though I stopped counting after the first fifty or so.”

Y/n shook her head, trying to process that. “Okay, next question: can you go out in the sun, or is that a no-go?”

Harry chuckled. “I can, but I don’t recommend it. It’s uncomfortable—think of it like a really bad sunburn that happens almost instantly. That’s why you usually won’t find me out during the day unless I absolutely have to be.”

She nodded, her mind buzzing with possibilities. “Do you sleep in a coffin?”

That earned her a full laugh, Harry throwing his head back slightly. “No, I don’t. I have a perfectly comfortable bed, thank you very much.”

Y/n grinned. “Alright, what about garlic? Crosses? Holy water?”

He rolled his eyes playfully. “Garlic’s just food. Crosses don’t bother me unless someone shoves one in my face, which is just rude. And holy water? Let’s just say it’s not my favorite thing, but it’s not going to make me burst into flames either.”

She laughed, relaxing a little more as she listened to him. “Okay, serious question now,” she said, her tone softening. “Is it… lonely? Living so long?”

Harry’s expression grew thoughtful, the teasing edge fading from his features. “It can be,” he admitted quietly. “You watch people come and go. You lose people. It’s part of the deal, but it doesn’t make it easier.”

Y/n felt a pang of sympathy in her chest. “That sounds… hard.”

“It is,” he said simply. “But then, sometimes you meet someone who makes it worth it.”

Her breath caught at the way he looked at her as he said it, his gaze steady and warm. She quickly diverted her attention to her next question, her cheeks flushing. “Alright, last one—for now. Why me?”

Harry smiled softly, leaning closer. “I wish I knew,” he said, his voice low, almost reverent. “But whatever it is, Y/n, I’m not sure I want to question it.”

Y/n hesitated before asking her next question, her voice barely above a whisper. “Would you ever… turn someone? So you could stay with them?”

Harry’s expression softened, his gaze dropping to his hands as he thought about her words. The air in the room grew heavy with the weight of the question, and Y/n could see the conflict flickering in his eyes.

He finally spoke, his voice low and deliberate. “It’s not a decision I’d take lightly,” he admitted. “Turning someone… it’s not as simple as just giving them eternal life. It changes everything—your body, your mind, your world. There’s no going back.”

Y/n watched him carefully, her heart thudding as she tried to read his expression. “But if it meant being with someone you loved… forever?”

Harry leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he met her gaze. “I’ve thought about it,” he said honestly, his tone raw. “And I won’t lie—it’s tempting. But it’s also selfish.”

“How is it selfish?” she asked, her voice trembling slightly.

He sighed, running a hand through his curls. “Because it’s not my life I’d be changing. It’s theirs. I’d be asking them to give up so much—the sun, the ability to grow old, to live a normal life. It’s a lot to ask of someone, and it’s not something I could do lightly. Especially to someone I care about.”

Y/n felt a lump form in her throat at the sincerity in his voice. “So… you wouldn’t do it?”

Harry looked at her for a long moment, his green eyes piercing. “I don’t know,” he said finally. “I’d want to say no. To let the person I love live their life the way they were meant to. But if I knew I was going to lose them…” He trailed off, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’m not sure I’d be strong enough to let go.”

Her heart ached at the vulnerability in his words, and she reached out, placing a hand over his. “Harry,” she said softly, her voice steady despite the emotions swirling inside her, “I think you’re stronger than you realize.”

He gave her a faint, almost bittersweet smile. “Maybe,” he said quietly. “But with you… I think I’d have to be.”

Y/n’s hand lingered on his, her touch grounding him. She looked at him, her eyes soft but filled with determination. “I want to see you again, Harry.”

His jaw tensed, and he glanced away, as though wrestling with his thoughts. “Y/n,” he started, his voice low and measured, “this… this might not be a good idea. For you.”

She frowned, tilting her head. “Why not?”

He exhaled slowly, leaning back against the couch and running a hand through his hair. “Because the more time you spend with me, the harder it’ll be for both of us to walk away. And you might have to one day. For your own good.”

Y/n’s chest tightened, but she shook her head, her voice unwavering. “I don’t want to walk away. I don’t care how complicated this is—I want to see you. I feel… connected to you, Harry. I can’t just ignore that.”

His green eyes met hers, a flicker of something raw and unguarded passing through them. “You don’t know what you’re asking for,” he said softly, almost sadly. “Being close to me… it’s not safe. It’s not normal.”

“I don’t want safe or normal,” she replied firmly. “I want you. Whatever that looks like.”

Harry closed his eyes briefly, as though trying to steady himself, before opening them again. “You’re making this harder than it already is,” he murmured, a faint smirk tugging at his lips despite the tension in his voice.

Y/n leaned closer, her hand still on his. “Then stop fighting it. You want to see me again too, don’t you?”

He didn’t answer immediately, but the way his gaze softened told her everything she needed to know. Finally, he nodded, his voice barely above a whisper. “Yes. I do.”

Her lips curved into a small, hopeful smile. “Then let’s not overthink it. Just… let’s see where this goes.”

Harry’s expression remained conflicted, but he couldn’t deny the pull he felt toward her. “Alright,” he said after a moment, his voice quiet but firm. “But we take it one step at a time. No promises, no expectations.”

Y/n nodded, her smile widening slightly. “One step at a time,” she echoed.

Y/n’s heart was racing, but she didn’t hesitate. Slowly, she leaned forward, her eyes locked on his. Harry’s breath hitched, his conflicted expression softening as she closed the distance between them.

Her lips met his, soft and tentative at first, but the electricity between them was undeniable. Harry responded almost immediately, his hand coming up to cup her cheek as he deepened the kiss. There was a gentleness in the way he touched her, as though he was afraid she might break, but there was also an intensity—an unspoken longing that neither of them could deny.

The kiss was slow but full of meaning, every moment stretching as though time itself had paused for them. When they finally pulled back, Y/n’s cheeks were flushed, her breathing unsteady.

Harry’s green eyes searched hers, a mix of wonder and restraint in his gaze. “You’re going to ruin me,” he murmured, his voice low and rough.

She smiled softly, her fingers brushing against his. “Maybe,” she whispered, “but you’re worth it.”

For a moment, Harry looked like he might protest, but instead, he leaned in, resting his forehead against hers. “You’re making it impossible for me to stay away,” he admitted, his voice barely audible.

“Good,” she said with a small smile, her confidence growing. “Because I don’t want you to.”

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esthercore · 4 months ago

Text

Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful? Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul? I know you will, I know you will, I know that you will

Jing Yuan struggled to maintain his calm and collected demeanor as the woman before him leaned forward, her chest deliberately emphasized, eyelashes fluttering in a vain attempt at seduction. Every exaggerated gesture disgusted him, her desperation like a bitter taste in the air. He found it distasteful, yet kept his smile measured, polite.

He had grown accustomed to this treatment over the years—being the most sought-after man in all of the Xianzhou Luofu came with its burdens. But even after his marriage, the shamelessness of these advances still left a bitter taste.

At first, his admirers had stepped back, respecting the vows he had made. Yet recently, the unwanted attention had returned, with men and women alike shamelessly vying for his gaze once more. It was disheartening—more disappointing than surprising.

The moment his duties were done, Jing Yuan wasted no time in leaving his office. Yanqing had already taken over the smaller tasks that might have kept him working late, fully aware of how desperately the general longed to return home.

His heart raced as he hurried inside, shedding his shoes with practiced ease before quickly changing clothes and washing his face. He glanced at his reflection, making sure he looked presentable, eager to be back in his lover's warm embrace.

Jing Yuan cleared his throat softly, a gentle smile tugging at his lips as he slid the kitchen door open. His eyes were immediately drawn to the familiar figure inside, their silver hair catching the soft light akin to halo as they moved gracefully around the kitchen, preparing dinner. Their frame, though delicate and fragile with age, held a beauty that never failed to stir his heart. To him, they were the most beautiful in the entire universe, always has been, always will be.

As Jing Yuan drew closer, he couldn’t resist the temptation to surprise them, gently wrapping his arms around their waist from behind. A delighted giggle escaped their lips, the sound as melodious and youthful as it used to be.

His heart swelled at the sound, and he nuzzled his face into the crook of their neck, breathing in their familiar scent. They hugged him in return, their embrace tight and full of love, as if time had never touched them at all.

Yet, amidst the warmth and laughter, Jing Yuan found himself struggling to hold back the tears that threatened to break through his calm exterior. He kept up the strong facade, though his heart clenched painfully as he noticed how much lighter their body had become in his arms.

His sweet lover was wilting before his eyes, slowly fading away, while his own body remained unchanged, untouched by time. The cruel reality that they could slip away at any moment, any day, heck, any second at this point, hung heavy over him. Without thinking, he clutched them tighter, as if holding them closer could keep the inevitable at bay.

Alas, this was the curse of his long-lived kind.

But, of course, they noticed. They always did. Despite Jing Yuan’s countless years of life, his sweet lover seemed much wiser in such moments, their intuition sharper than his own.

"Hey now," they chided softly, their voice warm with affection. "I thought we talked about this. You’ve got so many years ahead of you. You’ll get over this, chin up, young man." They scolded Jing Yuan as if he's a child, chuckling to themself for the last words.

But their gentle words weren’t enough to stop the tears dripping down Jing Yuan’s cheeks. His voice wavered as he tried to speak, the sobs breaking through the calm he had worked so hard to maintain.

"H-how could you say that?" he whispered, his throat tight with emotion. "My life ends with yours... What am I without my beloved?"

He held them closer, trembling as the sobs grew heavier, his heart aching with a grief that felt all too familiar. Losing them would be losing half of himself—no, more than that. They were his only salvation after everything he had already endured—the fall of the quintuplet, the chaos of the endless hunt, the countless lives lost along the way.

In all that pain and devastation, it was their love that had kept him anchored, their presence that had made his immortality bearable. Without them, the weight of eternity felt unbearable.

Seeing the depth of his sorrow, his lover turned gently, their own eyes glistening with unspoken understanding. They wrapped their arms around him, pulling him close with a soothing embrace. With a careful touch, they guided him to a chair, they settled themself on his lap, curling up against him with a comforting warmth. As they nestled into him, their arms encircling him in a protective hug, Jing Yuan felt the weight of his emotions begin to ease.

In that intimate space, surrounded by their presence, he was finally able to let go of his grief, allowing his tears and sobs to flow freely. Their closeness, their steadfast love, became his refuge, a gentle balm for his broken heart.

His sweet, sweet lover, once so insecure about their fleeting lifespan, had feared every day that Jing Yuan might one day leave them or cheat on them once they aged. The one who had rejected him hundred times before finally going out with him, taking so long to trust in Jing Yuan's loyalty now held him close, with no trace of the fears that once consumed them.

They had taken years to fully trust him, and in return, they had found the strength to care for him with a depth that spoke of enduring love. The roles now reversed where they had once sought comfort and reassurance, now found them as the steadfast pillar supporting him through his grief. It was a testament to their journey together, from insecurity to unwavering devotion, a journey that had woven their hearts together in a bond unbreakable by time or sorrow.

As his tears gradually subsided, Jing Yuan’s grip on them softened. He leaned in to place a tender peck on their forehead, a silent thank you for their unwavering support. With a gentle sigh, he watched as they rose from his lap to return back to prepping the meal.

Resting his chin on the table, Jing Yuan’s gaze remained fixed on them. He followed every motion with a deep sense of admiration, memorizing the way their hands moved, the way they interacted with the ingredients, everything. He savored this moment, knowing how fleeting and precious it was, and held onto the image of them, capturing every detail in his heart for as long as he could.

Soon, the food was ready, the aroma filling the room with warmth and comfort. They plated Jing Yuan's meal with a practiced hand, setting it down in front of him with a loving smile. As they settled into their seat, prepared to join him for the meal, a sudden realization seemed to strike them.

They paused, a thoughtful expression crossing their face as they remembered something important.

"Honey, can you be free this weekend?"

"For you? I try, but why so?"

"I think it's time for me to pick my grave stone"

And the tones rolled back again

i tried to improve my writing, i hope you guys liked it ૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ♡

#honkai star rail #hsr #hsr jing yuan #jing yuan #jing yuan x reader #jing yuan x gender neutral reader #jung yuan x you #hsr jing yuan x reader #hsr jing yuan x you #honkai star rail jing yuan #hsr fluff

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playboysaleen · 1 month ago

Text

Through Ash and Iron (6)

Jinx x Reader x Caitlyn

Summary: Through Ash and Iron plunges you into the heart of Piltover’s gritty streets, where you’ve always felt the weight of your family’s failures. Rejected from the Junior Enforcer Program, your anger burns brighter than ever—until one fateful punch changes everything. The eyes of Piltover’s elite may look down on you, but it’s the wild eyes of Jinx that truly see you. She’s chaos personified, and you’re drawn to the destruction she promises. But that’s not all. Caitlyn Kiramman, a poised enforcer with a soft spot for rebels like you, offers you a chance to rewrite your future—if you can control the rage you can’t seem to escape.Torn between the order Caitlyn represents and the dangerous freedom Jinx offers, you stand at the crossroads of two worlds. As your power grows, so does the tension between these two women. One promises a chance at belonging, while the other ignites a fire you didn’t know you had. But the choices you make will change everything—not just for you, but for both cities teetering on the edge of war. Who will you choose? And how much of yourself will you lose along the way?

Warnings: Violence duh, gay panic(lol), cursing, all that jazz (whatever you seen in Arcane is what you gon see here)This is also a slight AU.(She/her)

Word Count: 6.7k

A/n: I slacked last night to post this chap, ya girl was tired lol. f this 9-5 ON A SUNDAY- anyways yall enjoy lol

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The hum of the Undercity stretched below you as you sat perched on the edge of an old rooftop, the air thick with the scent of metal, oil, and faint traces of decay. The flickering neon signs in the distance cast an eerie glow across your features as you leaned forward, resting your elbows on your knees. The city buzzed with life, chaotic and unyielding, but up here, it felt strangely quiet.

“Brooding already?” Jinx’s familiar voice broke the silence.

You turned your head slightly to see her slinking toward you, her wild hair catching the light like a chaotic halo. She plopped down next to you with her signature reckless ease, her legs swinging freely over the edge as if she didn’t have a care in the world.

“I don’t brood,” you shot back with a smirk. “You’re confusing me with Vi.”

Jinx snorted. “Vi’s brooding is all fists and scowls. You? You’re more of a ‘mysterious loner with a tragic backstory’ kind of brooding. Very cinematic.”

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped you. “Yeah? And what’s your deal? Crazed powder monkey with a flair for dramatics?”

She gasped, clutching her chest in mock offense. “Excuse me, but I prefer the term artistic mastermind.”

“Sure,” you said, leaning back on your hands. “That’s definitely what people call you.”

The banter continued, sharp and fast, each quip met with equal intensity. But then, amidst the teasing, Jinx’s voice softened just slightly. “I missed this.”

You glanced at her, your smirk fading into something gentler. “Missed what? My dazzling wit?”

“Maybe,” she said with a sly grin, but her eyes betrayed her vulnerability. “Missed you.”

Her words hung in the air, and for a moment, the weight of everything you both had been through pressed down like a storm cloud. Without thinking, you reached out and took her hand, your thumb brushing over her scarred knuckles.

Jinx’s gaze dropped to your arm, her sharp eyes catching the faint lines of ink peeking from under your sleeve. “What’s with all these tattoos, anyway?” she asked, tilting her head. “You never told me.”

You hesitated for a moment, the question digging up memories you preferred to keep buried. But Jinx’s curious stare was relentless. “They’re… a map,” you admitted finally. “A map my so-called family gave me. They told me it would lead me to something important—something I needed to find to figure out who I was. But it’s from my past, and I haven’t looked at it in years.”

Her interest piqued, Jinx leaned closer. “A map, huh? Lemme see more of it.”

Before you could protest, she tugged at the hem of your shirt, lifting it enough to reveal the intricate network of lines and symbols inked across your chest and stomach. The tattoos were stark against your skin, a labyrinth of pathways and cryptic markings.

Jinx’s fingers hovered above the lines before tracing them lightly, her touch featherlight. “This… this is insane,” she murmured, her usual chaotic energy replaced by quiet fascination. Her fingers stopped at a particular symbol etched near your ribs.

“Wait a second.” Her voice grew sharper, her finger tapping the symbol. “This. I’ve seen this before.”

You glanced down. “What about it?”

“It’s Silco’s symbol,” she said, her voice laced with a mix of curiosity and unease. “How the hell do you have this?”

You frowned, shaking your head. “I don’t know. It’s just part of the map. I never understood half of what these marks mean.”

Jinx stared at the symbol for a moment longer before her fingers resumed their path, tracing the lines of ink as if trying to decode you. Her touch lingered, and her voice softened again. “You know, when I was a kid… I used to dream about someone like you.”

Her confession caught you off guard. “Someone like me?”

“Yeah,” she said, her voice distant, almost wistful. “Someone who could pull me out of the mess I was in. Someone strong, who’d see me for who I am and not some broken thing. Someone who could…” She trailed off, her eyes meeting yours. “Give me the life I always wanted but could never have.”

Her words struck a chord deep within you, and without thinking, you leaned closer. “And now?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

Her lips curled into a faint smile. “Now I’ve got you. So, I guess… dream fulfilled.”

The warmth in her eyes pulled you in, and before you could stop yourself, you closed the distance, your lips pressing against hers. The kiss was slow, tender, and filled with all the unspoken things you’d been too afraid to say.

Jinx melted into you, her hands gripping your shoulders as if anchoring herself to reality. And for a moment, everything—the chaos, the pain, the uncertainty—faded away, leaving just the two of you in the quiet glow of the Undercity.

Caitlyn sat at her desk, a chaotic array of maps, reports, and scattered photographs spread across the once-pristine surface. Her office, once a model of order and discipline, now reflected the turmoil in her heart. The faint hum of Piltover’s cityscape filtered through the window as she poured over the last known locations associated with you. Her eyes burned from lack of sleep, but she refused to stop. Not until she had something solid to go on.

“Commander Kiramman, there’s… not much to go on here,” the enforcer standing before her said hesitantly, his voice grating against her frayed nerves. “The reports from the Undercity are unreliable. And the last sighting was weeks ago.”

“That’s unacceptable!” Caitlyn snapped, slamming her hand down on the desk. The officer flinched at her sudden outburst. “I don’t care if the information is unreliable. You are reliable, aren’t you? Then do your job. You find her.”

The enforcer opened his mouth as if to protest, but the icy fire in Caitlyn’s eyes silenced him. “This isn’t just another case,” she continued, her voice low but seething with urgency. “I don’t want excuses—I want results. She’s alive, and I need to find her before someone else does.”

The officer nodded nervously and backed out of the room, leaving Caitlyn alone with her thoughts. She leaned back in her chair, running a hand over her face as a wave of emotion washed over her. She couldn’t shake the guilt, the memories of what she had done to you.

For weeks, Caitlyn had been consumed by a singular need to find you—not to capture you, not to punish you, but to make things right. Now that she knew the truth, that Ambessa had fed her lies and manipulated her into believing you were responsible for her mother’s death, the weight of her actions was unbearable. She had hurt you in ways she couldn’t take back, and yet, she couldn’t let go of the feelings she still carried for you.

She cared for you. Loved you, even. That much she couldn’t deny anymore.

You had always been a mystery, but there was something about you that drew her in—your strength, your resolve, the quiet way you carried the scars of your past. And now, knowing you had been innocent all along, those feelings burned even brighter, mixed with an aching need to atone.

She stood abruptly, her decision made. Grabbing her coat, she strode out of the office and made her way to the grand steps of Piltover Tower. By the time she reached the top, a crowd of enforcers had gathered below, their curious murmurs filling the air. Caitlyn stood tall, her sharp gaze scanning the assembled troops as she prepared to address them.

“This city,” she began, her voice steady but firm, “has been through hell. We’ve lost good people—our families, our friends. And in the midst of that pain, we’ve made mistakes. I’ve made mistakes.”

The enforcers exchanged uneasy glances as Caitlyn’s words hung in the air.

“I’ve come to realize that some of the choices we’ve made, some of the people we’ve blamed, were wrong. There’s someone out there—a person who was wronged by this city, by me. And now, they are in danger.”

She took a deep breath, her voice softening as her eyes drifted to the horizon. “Y/n isn’t a threat to us. She never was. And I won’t let Piltover’s mistakes take her away from me again.”

The crowd murmured, confused but attentive.

“I’m ordering a citywide search,” Caitlyn continued, her voice hardening with resolve. “Every corner of Piltover and the Undercity will be searched. I don’t care how long it takes—we will find her. And she is to be brought back alive.”

Her last word rang out like a commandment, silencing any doubts among the ranks.

“There’s another threat,” she added, her expression darkening. “Someone is targeting her—someone who wants to use her for their own gain. We cannot allow that to happen. I won’t allow it.”

Her gaze swept over the crowd, and for the first time in weeks, Caitlyn felt a sliver of clarity amid the chaos. She turned sharply, walking back into the tower, her mind already racing with plans.

This wasn’t just about making amends or clearing your name. It was about protecting you, saving you from the same forces that had taken so much from her. Because deep down, Caitlyn knew the truth: she still loved you, and she wasn’t ready to lose you again.

The streets of the Undercity buzzed with the usual mix of life and chaos as you walked alongside Sevika. She lit a cigar as the two of you moved through the crowd, your hood pulled low to avoid unnecessary attention. It was a routine now—your almost daily rounds to reinforce your presence. Let the people see you, remind them that you weren’t a ghost, that the streets still had a protector, even if it wasn’t the one they expected.

“I don’t get why you bother with all this,” Sevika muttered, exhaling a thick plume of smoke. “Your face is plastered on every corner. Pretty sure they know you’re alive.”

You shrugged, adjusting the bag slung over your shoulder. “Gotta stay ahead of the rumors, Sev. Besides, it’s not all for appearances.”

“Right.” Her smirk was as dry as the tone in her voice. “Totally not about that dish Jinx keeps whining about or those goggles you were ogling for the kid.”

You shot her a look, but it was playful. “She’s been craving it for days. And Isha… she’s been working so hard on her little machines. She deserves something nice.”

Sevika raised an eyebrow, taking another puff. “You’re soft, you know that?”

“Maybe,” you admitted with a small smile. “But they make it easy.”

Her expression softened briefly, but then she leaned in, her tone turning teasing. “So, you and Jinx, huh? Gonna make it official or keep tiptoeing around each other?”

You scoffed, the tips of your ears burning. “I don’t even know what we are. But… it’s something. She’s something.” You hesitated, your voice dropping as the words spilled out before you could stop them. “They both are. Isha and Jinx, they make me feel… like I belong. Like I finally have something worth holding onto.”

Sevika’s teasing grin faltered, her usual tough exterior replaced with something quieter, almost understanding. “Yeah, well… don’t screw it up.”

You laughed softly, shaking your head. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

Her mood shifted abruptly, her eyes narrowing. “Speaking of screwing things up… you know Caitlyn’s been sniffing around, right?”

That caught your attention. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve seen her,” Sevika said, her tone casual but her gaze sharp. “Gathering troops, barking orders. She’s definitely on a mission, and I’m guessing it’s to find you. Word’s out, Spark. She knows you’re alive.”

You frowned, your mind flickering to Caitlyn and the weight of your history with her. But before you could dwell too much, you changed the subject, unwilling to let the conversation linger there. “What about you, Sev? When are you gonna stop babysitting me and get yourself a love life?”

She barked a laugh, shaking her head. “Yeah, because brooding loners with bionic arms are a hot commodity these days.”

“Hey, I’m proof it works.”

Sevika rolled her eyes, shoving your shoulder lightly. “Shut up and go get those goggles, sap.”

The teasing put a smile on your face as you ducked into a dimly lit shop tucked into the corner of the street. The air was thick with grease and the metallic tang of machinery. Rows of mismatched tools, gadgets, and gear lined the shelves, but it was the sleek pair of goggles hanging near the back that caught your eye. You reached out for them, turning them over in your hands, when a voice from the shadows made you freeze.

“Well, well… if it isn’t the lost one.”

The voice was low, measured, and carried an unsettling familiarity. You turned slowly, your eyes locking onto a tall, gaunt man stepping out from the shadows. His face was pale, his sharp features shadowed by a hood, and his eyes gleamed with a cold intelligence.

“Singed,” you said cautiously, your grip tightening on the goggles.

“Ah, so you’ve heard of me,” he said, his tone almost amused. His gaze flicked over you, lingering like he was studying a specimen under glass. “But it’s me who knows you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you replied, keeping your voice steady.

“Don’t you?” His lips curved into a thin, cruel smile. “Oh, you’ve forgotten. But that’s to be expected, isn’t it? The past buried so deep, you don’t even recognize the name you were given.”

You narrowed your eyes, but before you could speak, he said it—a name you hadn’t heard with that voice since you were a child. The sound of his tone–it sent a jolt through you, like a trigger and for a brief moment, your vision blurred.

The purple flash. It came unbidden, your body reacting to the name like a spark to a fuse. Your heart raced as you blinked, forcing yourself back to clarity, but Singed had already noticed.

“Fascinating,” he murmured, his smile widening. “It’s still in you. Buried, yes, but not gone. I was right to be patient.”

“What are you talking about?” you demanded, but your voice wavered.

“Oh, you’ll understand soon enough,” he said cryptically, his words slipping into a language you couldn’t place. The sound of it was almost hypnotic, a strange rhythm that made your head swim and your body feel weightless.

You stumbled back a step, gripping the counter for support, your eyes unfocused. The world around you felt hollow, distant, as his voice echoed in your mind.

“Don’t worry,” Singed said, his tone almost mocking. “I’ll find you again. When the time is right.”

And just like that, he was gone, slipping back into the shadows as if he had never been there at all. You stood there for a moment, your breath shallow, your mind racing with questions you couldn’t answer.

The lair was dimly lit, the hum of machinery in the background blending with the occasional clink of metal tools on the workbench. You sat on a battered old chair in the corner, your hands clasped tightly, your elbows resting on your knees. It had been hours since you’d spoken. Since you’d even moved.

Your reflection in a nearby cracked mirror caught your eye. You barely recognized yourself. The sharp confidence you once carried felt dulled, replaced by something hollow, something unfamiliar.

His voice. That name.

“Spark.”

The word echoed in your mind like a haunting melody. It wasn’t just the name—it was the way he said it, the power it held over you. Your fingers twitched as you recalled how your body had responded against your will. A primal reaction you couldn’t control, one that made your stomach churn with disgust.

“What the hell is wrong with me?” you muttered under your breath, your voice hoarse.

Jinx’s light steps barely registered until she plopped down on the floor beside you, cross-legged and watching you closely. Her usual manic energy was subdued, replaced by something softer, more curious.

“Alright, what’s eating you, Big Shot?” she asked, tilting her head. “You’ve been sitting there looking like someone stole your favorite gun.”

You glanced at her, your jaw tightening. You wanted to brush it off, but the weight of the encounter was too much to carry alone.

“Do you know someone named Singed?” you asked, your voice low and strained.

Her expression shifted immediately, her playful smirk vanishing. “Yeah… I know him. He worked with Silco back in the day. Creepy guy. Always muttering, always experimenting. Why?”

You took a deep breath, your hands trembling slightly. “I ran into him earlier. He… he called me by that name, Jinx. A voice I haven’t heard since I was a kid.”

“What name?” she asked, her eyes narrowing.

“Spark,” you whispered, the word tasting bitter on your tongue. “And when he said it… it was like… like I wasn’t in control anymore. Like I had to listen.”

Jinx’s expression darkened. “What do you mean ‘had to listen’?”

You shook your head, struggling to find the words. “It was like I wasn’t myself. My body just… responded. I felt feral, like there was something buried in me that he was pulling out. I wanted to fight it, but I couldn’t. I felt… hopeless. Submissive.”

The silence that followed was heavy. Jinx’s fingers tapped against her knee, her gaze fixed on you but distant, as if she were piecing things together.

“I don’t like this,” she finally said. “I don’t like any of this.”

“Neither do I,” you admitted, your voice cracking. “I need help, Jinx. I need to figure out what’s happening to me, why I reacted like that. And I don’t think I can do it on my own.”

Jinx hesitated, biting her lip. You could see the conflict in her eyes. She hated the idea of you being vulnerable, hated the thought of you needing anyone but her. But she wasn’t blind to the truth.

“You’re saying this is bigger than the Undercity,” she said quietly.

You nodded. “I think it is.”

She ran a hand through her hair, groaning in frustration. “I can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but… you’re right. If Singed is messing with you, and he’s tied to whatever happened to you as a kid, we need someone who knows how to deal with him. Someone with resources.”

Your heart sank as you caught on to where she was going. “Jinx—”

“It has to be Caitlyn,” she interrupted, her tone firm despite the reluctance in her eyes. “She’s the only one who can help you figure this out. I hate it, but if it’s between that and losing you to whatever freaky science Singed is pulling, then I’ll deal with it.”

You looked at her, surprised by the resolve in her voice. Her loyalty was fierce, but this level of sacrifice was new, even for her.

“Are you sure about this?” you asked, searching her face.

“No,” she admitted with a wry smile, “but I’m sure about you. If Caitlyn’s what it takes to keep you safe, then fine. But I’m not gonna let her take you without a fight. Got it?”

You couldn’t help but smile, the weight on your chest lifting slightly. “Got it.”

She reached over, taking your hand in hers. “We’ll figure this out. I don’t care how many towers we have to burn down. You’re not going through this alone.”

Her words settled deep in your heart, and for the first time since the encounter with Singed, you felt a flicker of hope.

Caitlyn’s quarters were dimly lit, the soft glow of a single lamp casting long shadows across the room. It was eerily quiet, save for the occasional sound of her shuffling papers or the creak of her chair. You stood in the shadows, watching her as she slumped at her desk, her head resting in her hands.

Her once pristine space was unrecognizable. Papers were scattered everywhere, drawers left half-open, and an empty teacup sat forgotten on the edge of the desk. She exhaled deeply, her body trembling as she fought back tears. But eventually, the dam broke.

“I hate this,” she whispered to the empty room, her voice shaky. “I hate how much I care. How much I miss you. And you’re probably out there hating me after everything I did to you.”

You shifted in the shadows, her words hitting you like a punch to the gut.

“I trusted you. I loved you. Still love you, even though I shouldn’t.” Her voice cracked, and she pressed her hands to her face. “Even if you don’t love me back… I can’t stop. I can’t let go of you.”

You clenched your fists, emotions swirling inside you. You felt deeply for Caitlyn, more than you were ready to admit, but now wasn’t the time to explore those feelings. There was too much at stake, too many questions that needed answers.

Still, seeing her like this broke something in you.

Leaning against the doorframe, you spoke lightly, trying to mask the weight in your chest. “You know, your security’s terrible. Anyone could just waltz in here.”

Caitlyn froze, her tear-streaked face snapping toward the sound of your voice. Her wide, disbelieving eyes found you as you stepped forward, your lips quirking in a teasing smile.

“Hello, Commander,” you said softly, the playfulness in your tone betraying the tension in your heart.

She didn’t hesitate. Caitlyn launched herself out of her chair, her boots thudding against the floor as she closed the distance between you. You barely managed to catch her as she threw her arms around your neck, pulling you into a desperate embrace.

“You’re here,” she whispered, her voice muffled against your shoulder. Then, louder, as if saying it would make it real: “You’re here!”

Her hands found your face, her thumbs brushing against your jaw as she held you at arm’s length to look at you. Her fingers were trembling, her breath hitching. “I thought I’d lost you. I thought I… I’m so sorry. For everything. For hurting you. For not trusting you. I’ve missed you so much.”

You let her hold your face, her warmth grounding you in the moment. “I’m here now,” you said softly, your hands resting on her waist. “But I need your help, Cait. I really need your help.”

She blinked, her tears slowing as she searched your face. “Anything,” she said quickly. “Whatever you need, I’ll do it. Just tell me.”

You stepped back, reluctantly breaking her hold, and removed your coat. Then, with a steadying breath, you lifted your shirt over your head, exposing the tattoos that snaked across your torso.

Her eyes widened, her gaze tracing the intricate lines and symbols etched into your skin. She reached out instinctively, her fingers hovering over one of the symbols near your ribs.

“These…” she whispered. “You’ve never explained them to me before.”

“They’re a map,” you said, your voice low. “My so-called family gave them to me when I was a child. I didn’t understand what they meant back then, but… Singed does. He called me by a name, Caitlyn. ‘Spark.’ And when he said it, I wasn’t… myself anymore.”

Her fingers brushed against one of the symbols, and you shivered at the contact. “He did something to you?” she asked, her voice tinged with anger.

You nodded. “I don’t know how or why, but it’s like… he has some kind of control over me. I need to understand what these tattoos mean, what he’s after. And I need you to help me find out.”

Caitlyn’s eyes softened as she looked up at you, her hands still tracing the lines of your tattoos. “We’ll figure it out,” she said firmly. “I’ll do everything I can to get you through this. You’re not alone.”

She pulled you into a hug, her arms wrapping tightly around you. For a moment, you let yourself sink into her embrace, her warmth chasing away the lingering cold left by Singed’s voice.

You held her close, your cheek resting against her hair. “Thank you, Cait.”

She pulled back slightly, just enough to look up at you, her blue eyes filled with determination. “Whatever it takes,” she promised.

You nodded, a small flicker of hope igniting in your chest. For the first time in days, you felt like you had a chance to take control of your fate.

The dim glow of the desk lamp illuminated the worn records of Silco’s operations scattered before you. You sat hunched over, elbows propped on the table, flipping through the faded pages. Caitlyn had been quiet for some time now, seated across the room with her own stack of documents, but you felt her gaze lingering.

You glanced up, catching her staring. She didn’t look away.

“Is something wrong?” you asked, leaning back in your chair, the faintest trace of a smirk tugging at your lips.

Caitlyn blinked as if pulled from a trance. “No, I just…” She trailed off, setting her papers down and folding her hands in her lap. She leaned forward, her elbows resting on her knees. “You’ve changed me.”

Her words caught you off guard. You tilted your head, waiting for her to elaborate.

“I mean, the way I see the world,” she continued, her voice soft but steady. “I used to think everything was so black and white. Good and bad. Piltover and the Undercity. But you… you made me see the shades of gray. The hope. The humanity I ignored in the people I was supposed to protect.”

Her blue eyes softened as they met yours, and something in her expression made your chest tighten. You tried to brush it off, turning your attention back to the records in front of you, but her voice drew you in again.

“You gave me hope,” she admitted. “You made me believe things could be better, even when I was at my lowest.”

You were about to respond when you realized she wasn’t across from you anymore. Somehow, she was beside you, her presence warm and steady. Her fingers brushed against your arm, and your breath hitched.

You cleared your throat, trying to break the moment. “Cait, I…” you hesitated, choosing your words carefully. “I’m seeing Jinx. And… I have feelings for her.”

Caitlyn froze for a second, then nodded, her expression unreadable. “I know,” she said quietly. “And I understand. I’m not trying to come between you two.” She looked down at her hands, her fingers fidgeting slightly. “But I need you to know how I feel. How much you mean to me.”

Her voice wavered, and before you could react, her hands were on your face, her touch gentle but firm. You froze, your heart pounding as her gaze locked with yours.

“Cait…” you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Stay on task,” you added quickly, trying to redirect the moment. “We need to focus on what Singed is planning.”

Caitlyn sighed, her hands falling away as she pulled back slightly. “You’re right,” she said, though her eyes lingered on you a moment longer. Then, as if something clicked, her gaze sharpened, and she leaned closer again, her eyes catching on the faint symbol etched onto the side of your neck.

“What’s this?” she asked, her fingers brushing lightly over the mark.

You frowned. “It’s part of the map. Why?”

Caitlyn stood abruptly, her chair scraping against the floor as she crossed the room. She rifled through a stack of papers, muttering to herself until she pulled out a crumpled sheet. Her eyes darted between the paper and your neck, her lips pressing into a thin line.

“This symbol,” she said, holding the paper up for you to see. “It’s tied to Hextech. There’s someone who might be able to help us. They’ve worked on experimental tech, mapping neural pathways, and… well, they might know how to decipher this.”

You stared at the paper, the symbol on it eerily similar to the one on your skin. Your fingers brushed over the mark on your neck as unease and curiosity warred within you.

“Who are we talking about?” you asked, your voice steady despite the knot forming in your stomach.

Caitlyn looked at you, her resolve clear. “Heimerdinger,” she said. “If anyone can help us, it’s him.”

The faint, persistent hum of that voice had been tormenting you all evening, like a needle threading through the fabric of your thoughts. You tried to ignore it, to push it back where it belonged, but its grip only tightened.

The teacup slipped from your trembling hands and shattered against the floor, porcelain shards scattering like stars across the wooden boards. Your knees buckled, your hands flying to your head as a scream tore loose from your throat—a sound that was raw, primal, and animalistic.

Your vision spun, flashes of fragmented memories—or perhaps illusions—assaulting you. Faces you didn’t recognize, voices layered over each other in chaos, the faint glow of a strange symbol seared into your mind. And the voice. That commanding, icy voice calling you by a name you hadn’t heard in decades.

“Spark,” it whispered. It echoed, again and again, rattling inside your skull.

“Y/n!” Caitlyn’s voice cut through the haze. Her footsteps were quick as she rushed to your side, dropping to her knees beside you. “What’s wrong? What’s happening?”

You couldn’t answer her. You couldn’t see her. Your eyes were wide, flickering between their natural gray and an unnatural, glowing purple. Caitlyn froze, her hands hesitating in midair as your gaze snapped toward her.

Her breath caught. “Your eyes…” she whispered, fear lacing her voice.

Your breath was ragged, shallow, as if something deep and primal was clawing to the surface. The world blurred, your senses heightening in unnatural ways—every sound sharp, every scent piercing. You were becoming something unrecognizable, something feral.

Through sheer will, you found a sliver of control. With trembling hands, you fumbled into your pocket and pulled out the emergency flare Jinx had given you. Your hands shook as you thrust it toward Caitlyn, your voice a low, broken rasp.

“Go,” you managed.

She stared at you, stunned for a moment, before the severity of the situation sank in. Without hesitation, Caitlyn grabbed the flare and sprinted to the nearest rooftop. The night swallowed her footsteps, and moments later, a sharp hiss filled the air as the flare ignited.

The smoke rose thick and red, a stark beacon against the starless sky.

Jinx sat at her workbench, goggles perched on her forehead as she tinkered with a delicate trinket. She worked with an uncharacteristic focus, her tools clicking against the small device. A faint smirk played on her lips as she muttered to herself, occasionally shooting Isha a glance.

Isha sat nearby, her small frame rigid and tense, her wide eyes darting between Jinx and the object in her hands. The girl’s expression said everything: curiosity, apprehension, and admiration, all swirling together.

Jinx noticed the look and wagged her finger, a teasing grin curling her lips. “This little beauty? It’s not gonna bite, kid. Unless I screw up. Then…well…” She mimicked an explosion with her hands, laughing as Isha’s eyes widened further.

Isha’s head snapped up, though, her gaze fixed on the window. Her lips parted slightly, her brows knitting together in concern.

“What is it, gremlin?” Jinx asked, not bothering to look up. “I swear if it’s another—”

Her voice died as her eyes followed Isha’s line of sight. The flare burned bright in the sky, its red smoke twisting like a serpent against the black.

Jinx froze. The world seemed to stop around her. Her breathing quickened, her pulse pounding in her ears. Without a word, she sprang to her feet, her stool clattering to the ground.

Her workbench became a blur of movement as she scrambled to grab her weapons, tools, and anything she might need. Every motion was frantic, precise, desperate.

Sevika was making her way to Jinx’s lair when the chaos hit. The red smoke was unmistakable, its ominous glow visible even through the smog of the Undercity. She turned the corner just as Jinx barreled into her, nearly knocking them both over.

“What the hell—” Sevika began, but Jinx’s hand gripped her collar before she could finish.

“It’s Spark,” Jinx blurted, her voice unsteady, her eyes wide and wild. She didn’t need to explain further; the desperation in her tone said it all.

Sevika hesitated for only a heartbeat before she nodded. Her hand moved instinctively to her weapon, her expression hardening.

“Let’s go,” she said, and the two of them took off toward the flare, their footsteps echoing through the labyrinth of the Undercity. Neither of them spoke, their shared urgency driving them forward into the unknown.

The room felt impossibly small as you clawed at your mind for control. Your breaths were shallow and ragged, each inhale jagged like broken glass scraping your lungs. The voices—taunting, commanding, relentless—coiled around your thoughts like venomous snakes.

The table in front of you cracked under your tightening grip. Your strength betrayed you as it splintered and gave way, collapsing in two with a deafening crash. Your hoarse scream tore through the room, raw and primal, echoing against the walls.

You stumbled to your feet, your body swaying like a marionette with severed strings, and found your way to Caitlyn’s bathroom. The tile felt icy under your bare feet, but you didn’t notice. Your trembling fingers twisted the faucet handle, and steaming hot water roared from the showerhead. Without hesitation, you stepped under the cascade, letting the searing heat soak into your skin.

The world blurred as the water streamed over you. Memories began to rise, vivid and haunting, like waves crashing against the walls of your mind.

You were small again, no more than a child. The bridge stretched before you, cracked and broken, its foundation trembling with each explosion that rocked the air. Smoke choked the sky, and screams pierced your ears.

A man knelt in front of you, his face obscured by the haze, his voice calm despite the chaos around you.

“Sparky,” he said, his hands cupping your tear-streaked cheeks. His tone was warm, protective, but tinged with desperation. “Listen to me. You’re strong. Stronger than you think. But you have to go. Run.”

“I don’t want to leave you!” you cried, clutching at his arms.

He smiled faintly, brushing a strand of hair from your face. “I’ll find you. I promise. I love you, kid. Never forget that.”

Another explosion roared behind him, the shockwave forcing him to let you go. His body shielded you from the debris, but the force sent you stumbling backward.

“Go!” he shouted, his voice nearly drowned out by the chaos.

You turned and ran, your legs heavy with fear. The bridge groaned beneath your feet as more explosions rattled its structure. Then, the sound of splintering metal tore through the air, and the ground vanished beneath you.

You screamed as you fell, the world spinning into a blur of smoke and sky. The man’s distant cry of anguish echoed after you.

The memory collided with the present as your scream ripped from your throat once again. You stumbled back against the shower wall, the water now unbearably hot, but you didn’t care. Your hands gripped your head, nails digging into your scalp as you slid down to the floor of the shower.

Jinx burst into Caitlyn’s residence, her face flushed with urgency. Her mismatched eyes darted around until they locked onto Caitlyn, who had already armed herself and was braced for confrontation.

For a moment, the air between them was thick with tension. Caitlyn’s sharp gaze met Jinx’s defiant one, both women silently acknowledging what neither wanted to say aloud: they both loved you, and they both knew it.

Jinx clenched her fists but broke the silence first. “She’s in trouble. You know it, and so do I.” Her voice was steady, but there was a crack in her tone, a vulnerability she rarely allowed.

Caitlyn nodded reluctantly, her grip on her weapon loosening. “I know.”

Sevika, leaning against the wall, smirked. “Well, isn’t this cozy? Two sides of a war teaming up over a girl. Feels like I’m stuck in a bad romance novel.”

Neither Jinx nor Caitlyn acknowledged her quip, but they both shot her sharp looks before heading down the hallway.

As they approached the bathroom, Caitlyn noticed the steam curling out from under the door. Her chest tightened.

“Stay behind me,” she said firmly, motioning for Jinx to wait.

But Jinx ignored her, shoving past and throwing the door open.

The sight that met them was chilling. You lay slumped in the shower, the hot water pouring relentlessly over your face and body. Your skin was pale, your lips parted as shallow breaths escaped you.

Jinx was the first to move, skidding to her knees beside you. “Hey! Come on, don’t do this to me now!” Her voice cracked as she shook your shoulders gently.

Caitlyn followed, her heart pounding in her chest. She crouched next to you, her hands trembling as she reached for your face. The heat of your skin against her palm was alarming.

Your eyes fluttered open, but they weren’t the gray she knew. They glowed an unnatural purple, their intensity sending a shiver down her spine.

“Y/n?” Caitlyn whispered, her voice barely audible.

You stared at her blankly, as if you didn’t recognize her. Then your lips parted, and a guttural growl escaped, low and feral.

Caitlyn turned to Jinx, her expression grave. “I need to detain her. For everyone’s safety.”

Jinx bristled, her hand already reaching for her pistol. “The hell you will!”

“She’s not herself!” Caitlyn snapped.

“Like I care!” Jinx yelled back, her voice breaking.

Sevika lingered in the doorway, her expression unreadable. “Oh, this is gonna end well,” she muttered under her breath.

The tension in the bathroom was suffocating, Jinx and Caitlyn standing inches apart, their heated argument escalating.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about!” Jinx hissed, her voice sharp. “She’s not some wild animal to be locked up in your tower like a damn trophy!”

“She’s a danger to everyone, Jinx!” Caitlyn fired back, her tone equally biting. “If we don’t control this, people will die. You can’t just ignore that because you—”

“Because I what?” Jinx interrupted, stepping closer, her mismatched eyes blazing. “Because I love her? Like you don’t?”

Sevika, leaning against the doorframe, let out a frustrated growl. She’d been watching you the entire time, noting the way your body tensed and twitched, your breath ragged, your purple eyes flickering faintly as if battling something unseen.

They didn’t notice the moment you stirred, your body beginning to rise from where you lay. Sevika did.

“Enough!” she barked, stepping forward just as you fully began to sit up, your glowing purple eyes locking onto the nearest target. With a single motion, Sevika’s mechanical fist slammed into your temple.

The metallic sound of the impact echoed in the room as you slumped forward, unconscious.

“What the hell, Sevika?!” Jinx shouted, rushing toward you.

Caitlyn froze, her face pale as she watched Sevika lower her arm, her expression dark.

Sevika turned on them, her voice sharp and unwavering. “You two were so busy fighting over who loves her more that you didn’t even notice she was about to tear both your throats out.” Her voice cracked slightly as she muttered, “And then Isha would be alone.”

Jinx’s mouth opened to argue, but nothing came out. Caitlyn lowered her gaze, guilt washing over her.

“You think this is a game?” Sevika snapped, her glare shifting between them. “You think any of this is about your feelings? It’s not. If she goes feral again, it won’t matter who she loves or who loves her back—none of us will make it out alive.”

Caitlyn stepped forward, composing herself. “We need to detain her. Somewhere safe.”

“Not the tower,” Jinx said immediately, her tone defensive.

Caitlyn frowned. “Jinx—”

“She’s not going there,” Jinx growled. “Ambessa’s there. You think I trust her anywhere near Spark?”

Caitlyn hesitated but relented with a nod. “Fine. Somewhere secluded.”

Sevika sighed heavily, bending down to lift your unconscious body over her shoulder like a sack of flour. “Let’s move. We’ll figure this out on the way.”

_________________

Well...

#wlw #fanfiction #book #lgbtq #love #jinx arcane #jinx #jinx x reader #caitlyn kiramman #caitlyn x reader #caitlyn arcane #caitlyn #sevika #arcane netflix

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zara-renata · 2 months ago

Text

The pool | ao3 | masterlist

Summary: You dream, you do some art, you go for a swim, Sylus destroys part of his office, you discover the hot tub, you're close to catching a clue. A 'morning' in the life at Onychinus HQ. Part 17 of the Sylus series.

Notes: Sylus x gn reader, Sylus x mc, second person POV, some Sylus POV MC is referred to by they/them pronouns as a placeholder for your preferred pronouns. This story contains: soft Sylus, embarrassed Sylus, fluff, angst, grief, profanity, mentions of self harm, self-destructive urges, mc with self esteem issues, obscene art, nudity, the twins being the twins

This is what it feels like. Lured to the edge. Balancing on the cliff. You probably know how it ends, before you even realize it's beginning. But the knowing doesn't stop you from leaning, leaning, until the gravity of the inevitable pulls you down into the fall.

Wet cobblestones, moss growing between the cracks. Fallen leaves, slick from the recent rain, gathered in the gutters, piled against the garden wall lining the uneven sidewalk. The scent of damp earth, and the pleasant smell of a wood-burning fire.

Night. Lamplight puncturing the dark at even intervals, marching into the distance. Each lit lamppost haloed by the mist, edges blurred. The muted light bathes everything in warm tones, a sunset’s yellow. Beyond the pools of light—an ocean of night.

Light rain makes no sound as it drifts to the ground, as it coats the hood drawn up over your hair. It would be bone-chilling, if the wind were blowing, but the night’s air is still. You see your breath in puffs of white. You feel like you are the last person on the planet with how quiet the streets are. It is just you, the mist, your footsteps in the pools of light, the eddies of dark between.

You are reminded of the holidays with your gran and Caleb, the way the air smelled in winter, when you would emerge from the metro and walk the last few blocks to your grandmother’s home. Hot, abundant holiday meals, the undercurrent of excitement in exchanging gifts. The scent of pine.

Winter’s dark nights, softened by the glow of your little family.

You don’t know why you’re walking through this neighborhood, on this dark winter night. It doesn’t matter, really. The woodfire, the leaves, the stillness of the mist. Linkon City’s streets are never this deserted, even in the middle of the night. The solitude is a welcome reprieve from the constant presence of other people, their existence weighing on your subconscious in a way that you only notice when it’s absent—a form of relief, of your breath coming easy for once.

To your left, the high garden wall of a residential building. To your right, a quiet street, stretching forward into the distance, disappearing into the night. On the other side of the street, darkness. You get the sense of open space. The lamplight, though not very bright, is blinding against the black night. No matter how long you stare into the darkness, you can’t discern anything beyond that sense of open space. Like you’re at the very edge of the city. Maybe even the edge of the world. You’re tempted to cross the street to see if you could just let yourself fall and continue falling into forever.

You shake your head. What a strange thought. You have your family waiting. Your colleagues. Your work. A whole life, really.

But do you? Your footsteps are muted by the slick leaves, the misty night. There is something you’re forgetting—you just don’t know what it could be. You’re on this lovely night walk, with no particular destination in mind. You’ve been walking on this sidewalk for what feels like a long time now, but the garden wall does not end. You do not see the end of the road, no matter how far you walk.

What are you forgetting? A woodfire in a small fireplace. The scent of pine. Plate after plate of food, apple pie.

Why are you tempted to cross the street, tempted to see what endless depths lie on the other side?

You’re forgetting something. Gifts wrapped clumsily but carefully. Ribbons that shine in the light from the fireplace, a string of lights draped over the window.

Apple pie, warm on your tongue.

You stop walking. You listen, straining to hear… something. Something you’re forgetting. You turn and look behind you. Just the garden wall. The leaves piled along the curb. The street stretching into the night. The way back is a mirror of the way forward. There is no end, there is no beginning. There is only the street, the lampposts, the leaves, and the darkness on the other side.

You take a step off of the sidewalk, onto the cobblestoned road. Still no sound. Just the small clouds of your breath. Just the crisp scent of a cold, wet winter day.

You need to see what’s across the street. A muted feeling of fear sweeps through you as you take another step. Just a few more, and you will leave the pool of light from the streetlamp. You won’t be able to see the edge if the world does drop off on the other side. You will simply take a step, and there will be nothing—

You feel like you’re peeking over the edge of a tall building, knowing that the flimsy handrail will give way if you lean too hard. But you can’t stop yourself. You take another step.

You should stop. You have your family waiting, after all.

But you’re forgetting something.

An apple rolls off a cutting board. It hangs suspended in the air, as if time has stopped.

You’re forgetting something, but you don’t want to remember what it is. You take another step.

You are caught between forgetting and remembering, now. What’s holding you back? Perhaps when you reach the edge, you will mirror the apple. You will hang suspended, between forgetting and remembering, and you’ll never hit the ground.

You need to know. Your curiosity would always lead you into trouble. Gran would scold you for it. Caleb would tease you for it. Not the curiosity itself, but the boundary-pushing, the rule-breaking you’d commit to satiate it. You used to have to know, no matter how terrible you knew the knowing would be. Now though—now there are things you do not want to know. But you don't know why you changed. You lean back, slightly, and then sprint out of the safe pool of yellow light. Your feet hit solid ground, echoing on the cobblestones. Until you take another long stride and then—nothing.

You are falling, into the black. You are not the apple. You are deadweight, and you are falling, falling, falling, with your heart in your throat, your stomach turning inside out, so terrified that you can’t even scream.

You’re going to die. The apple, no longer suspended, falls the short distance to the worn wooden floorboards of your grandmother’s house. When it hits, it explodes like a bomb—all sound is sucked from your plummeting trajectory, and all you hear is a high-pitched whine as you continue to fall.

“Darling, wake up,” a deep voice says in the black, right before you splatter onto the unseen ground.

You fall back into your body in terror, only to find that it’s held tightly by strong arms—

Sylus.

He is cradling the back of your head in his big hand, holding your face to his chest. He’s rocking you, as he did in the shower, his cheek resting on the top of your head. The high pitched whining from your dream is coming from your throat, not from the tinnitus in your ears from a bomb exploding.

You gasp.

Sylus lifts his head to look down at you. “Finally awake?” he asks, but not with his usual teasing manner. He’s pale—more pale than usual, and his eyes are wide.

You can’t speak. Part of you still feels like you’re falling. Part of you still feels the impact of when you hit the ground. All of you remembers what you were forgetting in the dream—your family is gone, and they’re never coming back.

You can’t speak, so you just throw your arms around Sylus’s neck and cling to him, burying your face where you previously bit him, where his neck meets his shoulder. It’s not close enough.

You’re still falling. You’re still hitting the ground. Your family is still gone, and you’re all that’s left.

You push back from him.

“Sylus—” you gasp again. It’s hard to breathe.

He cradles your face in his hands. “What do you need? Tell me.”

You stare into his beautiful eyes. Red is too simple of a word to describe them. They’re the color of red brought to life. They’re the heart of a fire, glowing on a calm winter night.

“Resonate with me?” you manage to ask through your struggling lungs.

He stares at you.

“Please?” you whisper.

He sucks in a breath and drops one of his hands from your cheek, fingers gliding along the skin of your forearm where you’re clinging to his neck. He gently pulls your wrist down, aligns his palm with your own. He slips his fingers between yours, and your hand is swallowed by his. He then clasps it, hard.

Everything fades away.

There is only Sylus’s hand, calloused and rough where it grips yours, Sylus’s heartbeat, fast and hard. You’re sinking into the night, but instead of a starless void like the dream, it is a galaxy under placid waves. Quiet, and strength. So much strength—raw power. Heat. A lava flow beneath, diamond netting glittering above, reflecting the hot glow below.

You are pure energy—there are no borders, no limits, no restraints. None, except a chain leading from him, stretched taut, anchored in you.

The longer your energy flows into him, and his flows into you, the borders between you and him blur, melt. You are him, and he is you. You can’t tell if this overflowing sense of safety, of want—this yearning threaded with adoration—is yours or his. You are strength incarnate—you can dissolve matter with your mind, disassemble and reassemble atoms, all the constituent parts of a thing, a person. If you were to punch someone right now, they would implode from the force, a collapsing star.

You are aware of all this, faintly. The power of your evol—of Sylus’s evol, your evol, borders rendered meaningless, what’s his is yours, what’s yours is his—-it’s drowned out by the power of hunger, of missing him when he’s right in front of you, an instinct demanding that you grasp him and never let him separate from you again, to taste him, lick and bite, swallow, over and over again, a snake devouring itself, an endless loop of desire mirrored. You are together, scarlet, you are together, ink, particle and wave, solid and liquid—you are not you, he is not him, there is only…

His hand, swallowing yours. A chain anchored in both directions. You are no longer falling. You are no longer hitting the ground. You are no longer the only one left. The emptiness inside you, filled.

Sylus’s hand. Sylus’s heartbeat. Your heartbeat. Your hand in his. The energy sloshing between you, overflowing—you can teleport. You cling to his neck, hold his hand tighter, and you both dissolve into scarlet-ink mist, swirling up, spilling across his ceiling. The opposite of falling. You feel laughter bubbling up in you, amusement—is it yours? The glee of playful weightlessness? Or his, at your antics with his power? His affectionate indulgence as he waits to see what you’ll do next. You teleport out of his room, bouncing from ceiling to floor—you knock over some edgy modern sculpture. It rolls off a table lining the hallway wall and shatters on the ground—your guilt morphs into more laughter, his again. How could he be mad at you as you ricochet through his home, your home—pick another sculpture to replace it, something you like, this time. You continue, ping ponging through his hallways, destroying more things as you go. Slowly, you get the hang of it, and then you’re a bullet, whooshing through his base until you’re in the greenhouse again. You want to go in, you want to re-materialize on the garden fuck-bed, hand still clasping his, arm still around his neck, but you’re worried you’ll disturb the birds or hurt the plants. You swirl, slingshot back out of the mudroom. Mephisto has been following you, and he squawks in indignation as you rush past him.

You settle for returning to Sylus’s bedroom, where you feel less bad about knocking the pretentious books off his shelves in your reckless enjoyment of this unfiltered power. You re-materialize on his soft, black duvet, arm still wrapped around his neck, hand clasped in his. You’re breathless still, but from the laughter, the joy of reveling in how good it feels to not know where you end and he begins, to not feel so alone—not alone, with the one whose company you crave the most.

You hug him.

He’s silent, as the connection slowly fades, as you let the resonance dissipate. What’s left doesn’t feel empty. You can feel him still, somehow, even though you’re you again, and he is himself again.

You sigh. “Thank you.”

He slings an arm over your waist, as you each lie on your side facing each other.

“Can’t say that I was expecting you to ask to resonate this morning, but you’re very welcome,” he says, thumb soothing along the skin of your waist where your sleep shirt has ridden up.

You’re overcome with relief. You had been so afraid to resonate with him again. The first time had been so overwhelming—no longer hating him, after you learned that he hadn’t killed your family. But still caught in a whirlwind of fear, fascination, trauma. The way he danced with you, the way he handled your panic attack—the only reasons you were able to resonate with him at all so soon after he had treated you so cruelly. You have spent all the time since blocking out that feeling of intimate connection, of drowning yourself in him. It occurs to you that he’s never brought up resonating again, since those long days trying to force you, since you were able to do so once.

You wince. “I’m sorry that it was so abrupt.”

“I told you I don’t want apologies from you. Who said the surprise wasn't pleasant?”

“Okay. Good.” You fall silent, just enjoying his hand on you, the connection that still thrums between you.

But of course he won’t just let you get away with saying nothing about your demand that he resonate with you. “Care to share what brought on the sudden request?”

“Not really,” you mumble, curling in on yourself like a shrimp.

“Mmm,” he acknowledges. His hand slides down, over your hip, curls around the back of your thigh. He tugs a little, and the connection is still so strong that you can’t deny his desire to pull you closer, as if his desire is still yours, and yours, his. You let him pull your leg over his own thighs, and then he rolls. You find yourself lying on top of him, his bare skin under your cheek as it rests over his heart.

He places a palm on the back of your neck, just holding you against him, while hugging you with his other arm.“Were you having a nightmare?” he asks.

You’ve never told anyone about the night terrors that have contributed so much to your inability to sleep since your family was killed. You feel like you’ve swallowed a knife.

“I woke up because you slapped me in the face as you flailed. I assume you were dreaming about something,” he murmurs, but tightens his hold as you stiffen. “You were making a noise like you were in pain. I didn’t like it.”

You can’t speak. There is a knife stuck in your throat.

“Were you dreaming that Mephisto was trying to steal your ruby earring?”

You jerk your head up and find that he’s staring down at you, his wide mouth lifted in a slight smile. The image of Mephisto trying to pluck your earring from your ear is so ridiculous that you choke a little laugh.

“No? Then perhaps you were dreaming that Luke and Kieran were trying to drag you to karaoke night. You were terrified that you wouldn’t be able to compete against my talent.”

This time you laugh out loud. He frowns a little, as if indignant that you would find the idea of his talent preposterous enough to break you out of your inability to speak.

“It’s not that funny,” he gripes.

You smile at him. “No,” you manage to say. “I wasn’t dreaming about either of those things.”

“But you were dreaming,” he says softly.

This time, you’re able to nod.

“Were you dreaming about a wanderer attacking you?”

You shake your head.

He’s quiet for a moment. You’re expecting him to narrow it down, to figure out what could possibly cause you so much distress, but he surprises you by not prying further into the details of your nightmares. “Do you have dreams like this often?”

You’re even more surprised when you find yourself answering honestly. “Almost every time I fall asleep.”

He squeezes you tighter and sighs. “Thank you.”

And then he just… leaves it. You’re so relieved, you just hug him back.

He makes a sound, deep in his throat, that almost sounds like a purr. You drift like that, letting the final remnants of the dream wash away in the scent of his skin, his steady breathing, the stillness of his quiet bedroom.

Eventually his purrs grow louder, more steady, and you realize that he has started to snore. You lift your head and stare into his face. He’s asleep again.

His face is so soft in sleep, you can’t look away. You prop your chin on your hands, folded over his chest, and just enjoy looking at him. His eyelashes sweeping over his pale cheek. The frown between his eyebrows smoothed. His soft lips parted slightly. The insistent rumbles of his snores.

You don’t want to go back to sleep, even though you’d be happy to lie here with him forever. Resonating with him drove the horror of the feelings from the dream away, but you’re not eager to return to the possibility of another nightmare. You slowly sit up, careful not to jostle him. His snoring hitches, stops. But he doesn’t stir.

You sit on the side of the bed and notice that your phone is on the nightstand, plugged in. He must have done it for you, after you fell asleep before the movie even started. You feel a little sad that you still don’t know what his favorite movie is, but soothe yourself with the thought that Sylus is right—you have all the time in the world now, for a little while, to discover as much as you can about him. To satisfy your dangerous curiosity.

As you’re gazing at the phone, you notice that it now has some kind of cute little ribbon on it, and what looks like a cat’s paw medallion at the end of the ribbon. It matches your favorite color, which is also the color of your phone case. It’s adorable, and you’re tempted to reach for your phone to examine it more closely, but you stop before you actually pick it up. Sylus told you that Jenna approved of your leave. She will tell the team about your absence. You’re not ready to read what “you” texted Zayne when Sylus asked for his approval in securing your convalescent leave. Not yet. You don’t want to think about the real world right now. You want to dive into this dream and stay underwater in it until the very last moment. Tara, Xavier, Rafayel—they can live without you. You are convinced that your presence is just a blip on the radar of your friends’ lives. They’ll hardly miss you at all.

You leave your phone on the nightstand, promising yourself that when you do have to pick it up again, you’ll look at the little cat’s paw Sylus clearly gifted you and thank him for it.

You’re a little disconcerted, with the sudden freedom and safety of all the time stretching in front of you, but with Sylus in the bed behind you. You don’t have to do this alone. He told you to assume that he wants to spend time with you. There’s no one else staying at the house, besides Luke and Kieran, as far as you can tell. You can just… live, for a little while. What did he say? Recover, not just survive.

A feeling fills you, but you don’t have a word for it. All you know is that it feels good. You don’t question it. Not right now.

The only question you want to ask is what do you want to do, right now?

You pad quietly toward the bedroom door, but pause to pick up the books that you knocked off Sylus’s shelves as you teleported, scarlet and ink, sparking mist. You read the titles—they’re all philosophy, psychology. Books to understand the breadth of human existence, the human mind. As if the person collecting them had to start from the very basics to understand what makes people tick. When you pick up the Humanity and Conquer book, you hold it in your hands for a moment, just staring down at it. The ampersand is positioned in such a way that when you first saw the title, you thought it read “Human Anal Conquer,” because someone’s passion was obviously graphic design and some overworked editor clearly approved the cover without even looking at it. You would laugh at the absurd memory, but you don’t want to wake Sylus. You set the book gently back on the shelf and head to the kitchen. There’s no point getting properly dressed if it’s just you, the twins, and Mephisto here.

Speaking of Mephisto, you turn and find him flying quietly behind you as he follows you from Sylus’s bedroom.

The answer to the question of what do you want right now? Coffee. Even if it’s from a pretentious french press.

As you approach the kitchen, you hear the now-familiar voices of Luke and Kieran.

“Oh, that’s the best one so far.”

“Do you really think so? I fail to see marked improvement between this one and the others,” Kieran says mournfully as you stop in the kitchen doorway.

It must still be “early,” in terms of Sylus’s flip-flopped sleep cycle—outside the vast windows looking out over the bleak landscape leading down to the N109 Zone’s imposing city skyline, it does not appear to be night, but rather dusk. You wonder how early it is in terms of Sylus’s morning, if the twins are already awake.

There is a fire burning in the large fireplace on the far wall, and its wood smoke scent reminds you of your dream. Strangely, instead of upsetting you, you feel what can only be the connection to Sylus thrum again, and the memory feels distant already.

You focus on the music drifting through the room instead. Something old, and bluesy, trumpets and piano, a smoky jazz voice singing about lost love. Not the kind of music you’d assume twenty year old dudes would like. But then again, nothing about Sylus and his inner circle is what you would have expected when you looked up into his beautiful face with its cruel smirk for the first time.

Mephisto flies to a perch in the corner of the room and ruffles his feathers before settling.

“I totally think so, you’re getting better and better, man,” Luke says, clearly trying to encourage his dejected brother.

You take in the scene before you, which consists of a very large, professional-looking espresso machine now squatting on the huge, black-marble kitchen island, with Luke and Kieran sitting on black leather bar stools in front of it, surrounded by a bunch of wide-rimmed mugs, each filled with what smells like coffee.

You take a step closer and see that in each mug, the clear outline of a dick and accompanying balls has been drawn in the foam of a latte.

The twins’ heads jerk up in unison as you bark a laugh that sounds more like a seal than human.

“I see Sylus made good on his threat to get a fancy espresso machine,” you say, dabbing at the corner of your eyes because you’re trying so hard to contain more of your insane laughter.

“All thanks to you,” Luke grins. “As you can see, we’re making great use of it!” He proudly gestures towards the dick art Kieran has been making.

“I wouldn’t call it great, but it is certainly amusing,” Kieran sighs, idly stirring a little wooden stir stick in the latest latte dick.

“Did you make all of these?” you ask.

“No, Luke made a few too. Here—” Kieran carefully scoots a mug closer to you, and you gasp when you look down at the meticulous, gorgeous rendering of van Gogh’s Starry Night painting contained in it.

“Now you see how he’s patronizing me with praise for my sad little penises,” Kieran grumbles.

Luke pats his back, even as he puffs a little with pride at your clearly impressed reaction.

“Your penises are awesome, Kieran. You just need to keep practicing if you want them to be photo-realistic.”

You try really hard not to laugh at this strange, earnest back and forth about dick art, but it’s a losing battle. You laugh, softly, but then clear your throat at Kieran’s disappointed expression.

“You’re way better than I am probably. I’ve never made latte art before,” you try to comfort him instead of continuing to laugh at him.

“Luke has never made latte art before either, but look at what he’s already made!”

Luke just nudges him. “You’re a lot better than me at a lot of things. Just think of it as a… an incentive? to practice.”

Kieran smiles at him. “You really are reading your thesaurus.”

Luke nudges him again. “I told you!”

They smile stupidly at each other for a moment, and you’re suddenly struck with a sharp pain of missing Caleb. Although he wasn’t your real brother, his presence in your life, a constant sidekick until your ways parted, you to the Hunter Academy and him to flight school, was a source of comfort long after you grew apart. The shared history alone…

The twins seem to notice your staring, and Luke gestures as the espresso machine.

“You wanna try?”

You shake your head to clear the grief from your thoughts, and it works, a little. “Try?”

“Latte art! You should try to draw something too!”

You stare at him for a moment. Normally you’d be too pressed for time—getting to work, getting to bed, laundry, dishes, vegging out in front of a stupid series if you hadn’t overbooked your rare time off. But Sylus, despite the absurd way he went about it, has gifted you with precious time. You don’t have to be anywhere at all. You can just… be.

“Yeah,” you smile. I do.” Luke whoops and holds his hand up. You stare at it, confused.

“High five, high five, high five,” he chants.

You laugh and slap his hand, hard.

“Yeah! Okay, okay, fist bump!” he holds out his big fist, but when you make one and reach out to bump his, he slides his under yours and makes a peace sign. “Snail!” he laughs, wiggling his fingers, and your fist combined with his two fingers really do look like a cute little snail. Well, big snail, considering the size of his fingers.

All you can do is laugh again. Kieran gestures you to come over and shows you how to use the fancy as fuck espresso machine that Sylus had overnighted to his place based on your flippant comment. You would marvel at the insanity that is your life right now, but you’re indulging. Like this strange feeling filling you, you don’t question it.

You just pay close attention to Kieran’s instructions, make a respectable looking latte, and look pensively down into the finished product while clutching a stir stick.

What should you draw?

Your gaze drifts between the dick and balls and starry night, between vulgar and highbrow. You decide not to overthink it and begin by lowering the little pitcher, pouring the concentrated microfoam into the liquid’s surface.

Kieran and Luke’s chatter melts away as you focus on your latte art.

It’s meditative, drawing the stir stick through the thick foam, the curves and swirls following. You could make this your new hobby, you’re enjoying it so much. After a final pour and swirl, you sit back on your stool in satisfaction.

“Oh, you done?” Luke crowds one side of you, while Kieran leans over from your other side. They’re quiet as they observe your handiwork.

“Can you even tell what it is?” you laugh, because you think you did a decent job, but who knows if anyone else shares your vision?

“Hmm, it’s quite lovely, just the design itself. But … is it an orchid?” Kieran tilts his head, his dark curls cascading over his forehead.

“Or a leaf? Like a fancy leaf?” Luke asks, tilting his own head, the mirror of his brother.

You’re about to answer when you yelp instead as a solid warmth materializes at your back, big arms wrap around your waist, and a voice like melted chocolate dripping along your skin rumbles next to your ear. “It’s a vagina, children.”

Luke and Kieran don’t even react to Sylus’s sudden appearance between them, only tilting their heads in the opposite direction as they observe your latte art with new eyes.

“Ooooh, now I see it!” Luke lights up. “And that’s the clit there at the top!”

“Indeed Luke—that’s what made me think it was an orchid!” Kieran turns to you. “You could be the next Georgia O’Keefe!”

You laugh. “You couldn’t even tell what it was. I don’t think I’ll be the next anything, but it was really fun to make.” You turn your head to meet Sylus’s red gaze as he remains leaning over your shoulder, observing your latte. “What do you think?”

He lifts a dark silver eyebrow. “Why this particular design?”

You shrug. “Just trying to balance Kieran’s fleet of dicks with some female representation in your base. Your men could use a different perspective besides the reigning patriarchy.”

“Ooh, that gives me an idea,” Luke lifts a finger like he’s just had the biggest Eureka moment since the discovery of volume displacement and hurries back to the espresso machine.

Sylus continues staring at you. “I suppose I can’t lament your lack of maturity when you were motivated by such a concern for equality.”

“Oh, I definitely also just wanted to draw genitalia like Kieran, but we’re gonna have to drink enough dick with all these mugs. I figured a little variety was in order,” you grin at him.

“You will absolutely not be drinking more than two of these,” Sylus orders. “I didn’t invite you here to have a caffeine-induced heart attack. You may have some green tea after you slurp your pussy and suck down one of these cocks,” he says sternly, but somehow—maybe through the connection that still echoes through you from the resonance—you can tell he’s trying very, very hard not to laugh at his own wordplay. Even when making a joke, he’s smug as hell.

You lean forward so that your mouth is right by his ear and whisper, “You can’t tell me what to do.”

In utter fascination, you watch as he shivers from your breath in his ear, and you feel like the raw power of his evol is still running through you from the realization that you caused such a reaction in his big body.

He turns his head to meet your gaze, so close that his nose brushes yours, lovely eyes fixed on yours. He opens his mouth to respond when suddenly Luke lets out a triumphant cheer.

“In the words of my badass brother, ‘Behold!’” he crows, pushing his mug over to you, Sylus, and Kieran, who is still standing at your side.

You stare down into the cup—and burst out laughing like a hyena.

A very detailed, highly accurate clenched asshole stares back at you.

“But why, Luke?” Kieran cries in horror.

Luke just beams. “Now the… what is the word? trifecta? of naughty bits is complete, and this one’s gender neutral. Everyone has an asshole! We’re not misogynist pigs! Sylus is a feminist and Kieran just likes dicks,” he tells you earnestly, like it’s very important to him that you don’t get the wrong idea about the twins’ stance on gender equality.

Sylus just hangs his head, the soft sweep of his hair brushing your cheek. “Look at what you’ve encouraged in my men,” he grumbles. “Now we’ve got anuses.”

You lay your cheek on top of his head. “I walked in here and Kieran already had an armada of dicks. I didn’t do anything but add a little diversity. Not everything is about your dick, after all.” You can’t help yourself and run your hand through his hair, tracing the shell of his ear with a fingertip along the way. He shivers again.

“I’m having a hard time remembering that,” he says, so softly that you could be imagining it. Before you can think too hard about it, Sylus straightens up and reaches into his pocket, where his phone has begun to vibrate. He remains close as he accepts the call, one arm still wrapped around your waist.

“Speak,” he commands, sounding irritated.

You let your attention drift as he grunts in response to whomever is speaking. The fireplace, the soft lighting, the evening darkening into night outside, Luke and Kieran’s chatter as they begin drinking their creations, insisting that the decorated lattes taste better than lattes without art, the scent of coffee. It all blends together, and Sylus’s warmth at your back anchors you in it.

“I specifically told you to handle as much as you could without my input. And yet, the very next day, you’re calling me with this mess.” Sylus says softly, menacingly.

You turn to watch his face. He meets your eyes as he listens for another moment, looking increasingly bored.

Which you’ve learned means that he’s having big feelings that he’s trying to mask.

You place your hands on his forearm, slipping them under the sleeve of his soft sweater, and run your palms up to his elbow, and down again. He closes his eyes and exhales a deep breath, his expression softening as he does so.

“Fine. But I’m not coming in person. They will have to accept a video conference. If this happens again, just eliminate whoever is giving you trouble.”

He listens again for a moment. “I don’t care if it ruins another pair of Bontonis. They’ll make more next season. I. Am. Unavailable.”

He ends the call with a jerk of his thumb and slides the phone back into his pocket. He looks at you, his face neutral.

“You will have to entertain yourself for a little while. Aidan has already encountered a problem that requires my personal attention. I’ll find you when I’m done.”

You let your hand fall back down to his wrist and squeeze it gently.

“Okay.”

He doesn’t move, but instead turns his wrist so that the soft underside is facing up, still held in the circle of your loose grip. He puts his other hand over yours. “Are you going to be okay?”

You smile at him, filled with that strange, unnamable feeling, filled with the bizarre conviction that you’re still connected with him somehow, because of the resonance earlier. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. I told you. I can handle your big scary men, and your big scary house.” And you mean it.

He smiles faintly in response and then leans down. You have the insane feeling that he’s going to kiss you goodbye, but before his nose brushes yours, he stops, a funny expression coming over his face. He lets go of your hand and straightens. You let your own hand fall. He stares at you for a second longer, and then spins on his heel and walks out of the kitchen.

That welcome, good feeling drains out of you as he leaves. In its place is… nothing.

How ridiculous, that you’d think he was going to kiss you, when he has made no attempt to do so, despite all of his physical affection, up to this point.

You stare at the empty kitchen doorway, and that feeling of connection to him drains from you as well.

What’s left behind is… well, it’s what you usually feel like. Nothing has changed, really. Your echoing insides. The knowledge, deep in your bones, that the last of the people who had any understanding of you are dead. The only ones who could possibly love you for you, and not for what you could do for them. The ones who knew you before you became a killer, a sword in the Association’s arsenal.

Nothing has changed at all. It’s only in the comparison that your usual state of being hurts so keenly as you return to it.

In this moment, staring at the empty kitchen doorway, you’re viciously reminded of why you’re so terrified of even considering the possibility that Sylus could ever care for you beyond an entertaining acquaintance. How will you ever be able to recover after having only a small taste of Sylus’s full attention, a feeling of connection to him through the resonance, when he grows bored and no longer looks at you like he looked at you before he leaned down and remembered whatever made him stop—whatever brought him back to his senses, and sent him ricocheting away from you.

You have always told yourself that you’re a survivor. You can survive anything. You lived, when you shouldn’t have, while Caleb died. And he was the strongest person you’ve ever known. If you can outlive him, even if you shouldn’t have, you can outlive anything.

You force yourself to focus on the emptiness ringing through you. The emptiness that you’ve carried for longer than you can remember your own life’s events. Whatever feeling you had upon waking in Sylus’s arms—whatever connection you imagined with Sylus after the resonance faded—it’s an illusion. What’s real is tolling inside of you right now. Echoing through the hollow halls of your mangled heart, the silent bell of your solitude.

This may be a nice dream to indulge in, but it’s just a dream.

You’ll outlive this too.

You turn away from the empty kitchen doorway. The twins are staring at you.

“I really thought boss would have more rizz than this,” Kieran says, bizarrely.

“He’s too cautious for his own good,” Luke murmurs, sounding sad.

You don’t want to know what they think they just saw. Maybe they’re bored too, and ship you with Sylus because it’s something to do. You wouldn’t be surprised if your pathetic crush on their boss is fodder for some bet, which is why they’re keen on trying to convince you he’s such a great guy. It has nothing to do with you, whether they like you or not, whether they think you’d be a good partner for their boss.

Everything hurts, and you want to run. The feeling that always comes after the self-recrimination is welling up in you. You want to slap yourself for reaching for Sylus this morning, forcing him to resonate with you after your stupid nightmare, letting him in.

You make a fist and squeeze as hard as you can. Your nails are too short to do anything, even as your knuckles pop from the strain. It’s not breaking your promise to Sylus. It doesn’t hurt, not in comparison to what’s happening inside you right now. He told you to bring yourself to him when you feel like this, but he’s busy with … whatever it is that Sylus does.

“Hey, do you want to drink one of those lattes now?” Luke asks tentatively.

“Or tea? We can also make some tea, if you prefer,” Kieran asks hopefully.

You try really hard to make your face smile, but by the look on the twins’ faces, you probably just look horrifying.

“Thanks guys. I think I’m just gonna—” You actually don’t know what you’re going to do. But you’re going to get out of this room, to begin. “I’m just gonna go.” You turn.

“You’re not going to go, go, right? Like…” Luke pauses, looks a bit constipated. “You’re not gonna run half naked out of the house with no shoes on again, right?”

Kieran hangs his head. “What my brother means is, if you’d like to leave the base, please take the Phantom. It will respond to your face, so you don’t need to worry about a key. Luke and I will swing by and pick it up from your place another time.”

You stare at him. “What do you mean, it will respond to my face?”

He glances at Luke, and then back at you.

“Every room in this house and every vehicle in the garage is programmed to recognize your face and authorize your entry and use.”

“But why?”

He tilts his head. “Did Sylus not tell you?”

You shake your head.

“Because Sylus wanted it that way.”

“But why?” you ask again, completely confused.

“Why do you think?” Luke demands, but Kieran puts a hand on his arm.

“Why would someone give another full access to his valuables, his fortress, and his secrets?” Kieran asks instead of answering your question.

Yes, my beloved?

Words he’s never said to you.

When you wake up, you will remember this, if nothing else.

It’s just a dream within a dream.

You relive him leaning down, a kiss that never happened, him disappearing through the doorway. The twins are still staring at you.

“I’m not going to make you guys chase me down the road again. And I’m still sorry for that. I’m just going to find something to do until Sylus is done,” you reassure them, head too full, chest too empty.

You need to get out of this room and move your body.

You wave and leave them behind, surrounded by mugs full of delicious coffee.

You hear the quiet flap of wings. You don’t even have to turn around to know that Mephisto is following you. It’s fine. You think that you should wander around the grounds one of these early “mornings” before it’s full night and see if you can’t pick up some shiny pebbles to treat Mephisto with. But maybe Sylus’s bird is just as much of a snob as his owner, and he only accepts treats in the form of rubies, sapphires, diamonds.

You want to move your body, but your feet hurt. You have that jittery feeling, where you know you’re really hungry because you haven’t eaten anything, but the idea of eating makes you feel sick. You need to move, first. You remember that the twins had mentioned a pool. You turn to Mephisto.

“Hey buddy.” You hold up your fist, wondering if he’ll get the message.

He flies to you and lands on your wrist, cocking his head as if in inquiry.

“Can you show me where your daddy’s pool is?”

He squawks quietly, and it’s just as grating as when he squawks at full volume. It finally dawns on you that it sounds as if Sylus recorded his own voice making crow noises and set that as the bird’s voice module. It’s uncanny, and jarring, and you think the idea is kind of hilarious, no matter how unlikely.

Thankfully Mephisto can’t read your mind, because he does not squawk in indignation as he would if he knew what you were thinking. He just takes flight again and begins leading you to the part of the house that contains the promised indoor pool.

Finally, he stops and hovers outside a plain black door.

“Thank you,” you nod to him and throw open the door, ensuring that he can fly in after you before it swings shut again. He flies ahead as your breath catches, settling on one of his perches that Sylus must have placed in every single room of the house to accommodate his “not-a-pet,” clearly beloved pet.

You’re hit with the smell of chlorine, and you inhale deeply because you’re a weirdo and have always enjoyed the smell of chlorinated pools. It’s warm, much warmer than the rest of the house. Instead of the modern decor and ubiquitous black and maroon of the rest of his house, and unlike the colorful, messy tiles of the greenhouse, you feel like you’ve walked into a zen garden. The soaring ceiling is glass, like the greenhouse, with the night sky spilling into the huge space. Pale stone lines the floors, pale wood panels the walls. At periodic intervals, shelves are bit into the walls, each hosting a meticulously cultivated bonsai plant of some kind. There are low cushioned chairs, white fabric and pale wood matching the walls, scattered throughout a sort of sitting area before the pool area begins. And of course, there’s a bar along one wall, the bottles glittering, reflecting the soft lighting built into the floors and lining each wall of the large space. You joke about Sylus’s tendency to drink, but the evidence of it in each room of his house is actually starting to worry you. You shake your head and continue into the room. The stones narrow to a path leading to the pool itself. On either side of the path, pebbles that you associate with zen gardens stretch to the walls, with large rocks—boulders, really, dotting each pebble bed here and there. Along the edge of the pool, the pale stone provides a generous walkway leading in both directions, each ending with a door—one glass, the other solid. Lounge chairs line the walkway. At a glance you can see that through the glass door is a sauna. On the far side of the pool, which is probably olympic sized, floor to ceiling windows provide yet another view of the barren landscape stretching beyond Sylus’s home.

You walk to the edge of the pool and disturb the still water with a toe. Lighting from the bottom of the pool sends the reflections of the rippling water against the glass, giving the effect of looking at the N109 Zone from the bottom of the ocean, somehow enhancing the view. The water is deliciously warm, where you expected it to be cool. You don’t even want to think about the energy bill required to keep such a huge pool this warm.

The space is so peaceful, with such a sense of soaring space, you want to cry. The whole space is simple—-no recreation of natural waterfalls, no waterslides or multi-level bathing areas. Just a huge, beautiful pool, in a minimally designed space. But every placement of rock, every design choice feels deliberate, thoughtfully chosen. You can imagine that Sylus probably flew in some zen garden expert to personally create the space for him. You could live in just this room for the rest of your life and be happy.

The emptiness, your self-pitying wallowing, the humiliated feeling of having imagined that Sylus would kiss you only for him to get that look on his face like he tasted something bad—you shed it like a second skin. You shed it like you begin to shed your clothes, not thinking about anything else. Just slipping out of your sleep shorts, your sleep tank top, your underwear. You carefully unwrap the bandages from your feet and let them slither down on your pile of clothes. You turn, run a few steps in one direction, ignoring the sting, and then take a running leap into the pool.

Under the water, all is quiet. All is still. You draw your legs up to your chest, wrap your arms around them, and sink to the bottom. Everything else fades away.

When you run out of breath, you send yourself soaring to the surface, your gasp and the lapping water echoing through the beautiful room.

You begin to swim, enjoying the stretch of your body, your weightlessness. Time pulls taut, snaps, becomes meaningless, as you leisurely swim laps in this lovely, secluded pool.

Sylus is in a bad mood. The only reason he didn’t teleport through the phone to strangle the people Aidan was meeting with during the highly unwelcome phone call that interrupted his latte moment with you was your hand caressing his forearm. He felt the rage slam into him the moment he felt his phone vibrate, his impatience a living, choking thing. But when he felt your calloused fingers drifting along his skin, the rage, the impatience, simply dissipated. What was left was not even a relief—it was like such negative emotions were never there to begin with. He recognizes that your ability to do this to him—to alter his entire mood, to change his course of action without even trying, is a weakness. If you only knew how much power you already have over him. He sighs. He wants you to know, if that means you will never doubt again what you are to him. But he can tell you’re still too scared to fully consider the possibility.

Sylus is in a bad mood, because he knows that he should be in a great mood. All of his plans are in motion. First, he has an invitation to the birthday party of a daughter of a potential business ally that he desperately wants to secure. Second, Aidan will be handling his business moving forward, for the most part. Even aside from your calming touch, Sylus is able to forgive today, because it isn’t Aidan’s fault that the presumptuous fucks supplying him with a certain number of high-grade protocores felt entitled to a face-to-face with the boss. They will be punished for their impudence, in time. But only after he has secured the product. And finally, you’re here, in his home, touching him of your own volition. What else could he possibly want?

He had carried you to his bed after you fell asleep before the film even started, and slept better than he has in years. He can usually manage four, five hours a night, and even then, his sleep is restless. His body is always on alert, even in the safety of his stronghold. But with you breathing softly next to him… he slept like the dead. It’s a testament to how relaxed you already make him that you didn’t end up seriously injured after slapping him in the face while he was dead asleep—his subconscious must have recognized that you were not a threat. Anyone else may have ended up paralyzed, or worse, due to his tendency to reflexively lash out against unexpected physical touch. Like that one time with Kieran. He closes his eyes, pinches the bridge of his nose. He refuses to dwell on it further. It’s in the past, he tells himself. Kieran is fine. And so are you.

Except you aren’t, are you?

Another contributing factor to his shit mood—he didn’t realize you were having night terrors, despite all the time he has already spent at your side while you sleep. How he managed to overlook such an obvious thing when he was plotting how to help you with your insomnia is—frankly, it’s sloppy. He suspects that the dreams involve your family. That your night terrors are tied to your new fear of using firearms. But he could also tell from your face, drained of color when he asked you what you were dreaming about, that you weren’t ready to discuss it. He has learned his lesson well from trying to force resonance with you at the beginning. He will not push you any further than absolutely necessary to get what he wants. You’re here now, in his house. He has the time to draw your fears, your nightmares out of you—to lance the wound and let it drain.

And yet another reason for Sylus to be in a fantastic mood—even though he regrets the circumstances leading to it, you finally asked him to resonate with you for the first time since the auction. Feeling you filling him, feeling himself fill you. Watching you playfully test out his powers as your own. The joy you felt as you got the hang of it. The rush of being folded so tightly into you as you both were energy, sparking mist careening through the halls of his home. It took a huge amount of self control not to let his true feelings flood into you as the boundaries between himself and you melted in the resonance. You’re not ready yet. But when you are ready, when he can finally resonate with you after you know the truth of his feelings for you, he intends to flood you with them, to drown you so thoroughly in his devotion to you that you will never doubt him or his feelings for you ever again.

But then he fell back asleep. He was sulking after waking up and finding you gone, irritated at being forced to come looking for you when you should have been right there for him to roll over on top of, to breathe in, to greet the new night with, only to discover you bonding with Kieran and Luke over obscene lattes. Just when he thinks his delight with you has reached its ceiling, you do something new, so effortlessly, and he finds himself floored again. His capacity for pleasure expands beyond what he could have ever imagined. Each new encounter with you is slowly teaching him that with you, there is no limit to how much joy he can experience.

But then the phone call. He was eagerly looking forward to having an uninterrupted day full of just his beloved. He didn’t even have any plans—no dates, no distractions. He wanted to follow you around, even if such wandering ended in simply sitting with you while you read a book. No music, no phone, no games, no diversions necessary, if he could just touch you while you turned the pages. In fact, he’d love it if you read to him. Your voice does things to him that no music can ever truly achieve. Pure, unadulterated peace, hearing you talk. He taps his temple. Well, except when you’re whispering You can’t tell me what to do in his ear. He groans. Oh, he might not be able to tell you what to do, but you can make him do whatever you want.

Fuck, just thinking about it makes him… sloppy. So sloppy that he almost forgot himself as he was leaving you to go deal with his supplier mess. It felt more natural than breathing to lean down, offer you a kiss, take from you a kiss, feel his lips on yours in a swift moment of goodbye, a promise of soon, I’ll come back to you as quickly as possible.

What would you have done, if he hadn’t caught himself at the last moment, forced himself to straighten, to leave without taking what he has been craving in every free moment since your dream? Would you have welcomed him, as you did in the dream? Or would it set his progress back with you ten steps? Sylus isn’t accustomed to fear, but he fears returning to a place where you don’t reach out to him, stroke his hair, clasp his wrist, all without his bidding. He’s greedy, and he knows it. Now that you’re putting your hands on him, he never wants you to stop.

The dream. He shakes his head. Again, sloppy. He had intended to comfort you, not maul you, when he slipped into your mind as you slept. To say all the reassuring things he was too impatient to wait until you were awake for, and ask you to remember them so that you’d believe him when he said them again in the morning. A little trick. He’ll show you how to do it, when you learn that it’s one of many up his sleeve besides his ability to plumb the depths of a person’s soul for their deepest desires. He hadn’t planned to bait you into saying such sweet things to him. He hadn’t planned to be so overwhelmed hearing your true feelings about him, your true feelings that so closely mirror his own, his kindred spirit, his twin in a different, but no less meaningful way than Kieran and Luke are twins. Hearing you speak his own feelings, admitting you felt the same way, had broken his self control in a way that should be frightening. He marvels again at the irony. You’re so afraid of even considering the possibility that he could love you at all, let alone like this. When he’s the one should listen to Aidan and be afraid of everything you can already do to him if you so will it.

He wants to kiss you again. His want is a living thing in his mouth. He can taste it, just as he can taste your tongue now, the memory more precious to him than all the protocores on the damn planet.

He will be patient. Until he’s sure that you’ll kiss him back in real life, just as you did in the dream.

He looks down at the bulge in his pants.

He will be patient, damn it.

He is in a shit mood, but now that the video conference is over, and his impudent supplier and his posse think they’ve managed to see the boss in deference to their power play, he intends to get in a better mood. There’s not a moment to waste. Well, at least, not any more moments to waste than those he lost this morning with you already.

Now, to find you. He hasn’t bothered to raise the screen back into the ceiling that he uses for video conferences and when he’s in the mood to catch up on the news in his office, so he pairs his phone with it and pulls up Mephisto’s app on his phone, tosses the phone on his desk. The screen flickers to life, and—he almost falls out of his chair.

You’re in the pool room. In the pool. You’re swimming leisurely, free style, your gorgeous, strong arms cutting through the water with knife-precision, your legs hardly making a splash as they propel you forward. Your glorious, exquisite, mind-breaking, naked ass on full display.

He covers his open mouth with his hand.

Sylus’s brain, with all of its clockwork finesse, perfectly calibrated to calculate every scenario and its multiple pathways to the next possibility, and the next after that, endlessly—its ability to conceive of multiverses, each playing out differently in parallel—his brain is overwhelmed, grinding to a complete halt in the face of your masterpiece of an ass and the question of Why aren’t you wearing a swimsuit when there are twenty swimsuits of various brands, designs and fabric sitting in the closet he made for you?

He can’t help himself. He stares at you, shifts uncomfortably in his chair. He needs to turn off this feed. He needs to turn off Mephisto. He hates that Mephisto is seeing what Sylus is seeing. Which is insane, because Mephisto is a mechanical bird and does not care that he is witnessing a wonder of the world right in Sylus’s pool. A wonder that neither he nor Sylus have permission to see. He shakes himself, steels his resolve, takes one last glance at the screen, at you, and reaches for his phone again.

Just as he’s picking it up, the door to his office bursts open and Luke and Kieran are huffing, panting, struggling to fit through the doorway first.

“Not! This! Time!” Luke growls, ruthlessly trying to shove Kieran’s face back behind him, as Kieran attempts to sideswipe Luke’s legs from under him with a low kick.

“Boss’s office race game winner is ME!” Luke hops, avoiding the kick, and bodychecks Kieran into the other side of the door.

Sylus’s brain is still non-functioning, because instead of smoothly flicking the app off, he accidentally projects the sound along with the visuals on the screen.

The sound of splashing water is deafening, causing Luke and Kieran to both slap their hands over their ears, wincing, while also pulling their attention to the screen, where you’re still swimming ass-naked through the water. It takes a second, but once the images and sound register, they both whirl around, still squished in the doorway together, the breadth of their shoulders making the squeeze look painful.

“Boss, what the fuck?” Luke yells.

“Have you no shame, boss?” Kieran bellows at the same time.

Sylus curses, gives up trying to use the app, and snaps his fingers. The screen explodes in a mist of red and black which then dissolves into ashen mist.

Now that he doesn’t have to worry about Luke and Kieran being able to see you just as he saw you, he manages to flick the app off his phone screen. He stares down at his home screen, which is a picture of you asleep next to him, so achingly lovely it makes his heart jam every time he uses his phone.

“Is it safe to turn around?” Luke yells again, causing Sylus to wince.

Sylus just puts his face on his desk.

He hears the rustling of the twins moving in the doorway, and then Kieran’s tentative voice. “It’s safe.”

And then… silence. Deafening silence.

Luke clears his throat. “Look. We, uh. Well, sometimes, when we really like someone… I think?—I mean, I don’t know if I’ve ever really liked, liked someone, you know, but I can imagine, maybe, that like, when we really like someone, we uh… spy on them like creeps with our mechanical crow?”

Kieran sighs. “No, Luke, what you said first is correct. What the fuck, boss?”

Sylus keeps his face planted in the desk. “It’s not what it looked like,” he groans.

“Well, what was it then? Because it sure as hell looked like you were using Mephisto to watch your hunter skinny dipping in the pool,” Luke scolds.

Sylus rolls his head so that he’s facing the twins, who both stand with their hands on their hips, looking at him with such disappointment he wonders if this is what having parents would be like.

“I didn’t realize what kitten was doing when I checked in with Mephisto. I was just about to turn off the feed when you two came bulldozing into my office.”

“Oooh,” the twins say, in unison. Sylus has long been used to their uncanny mirroring.

He groans again. “Which, may I remind you, yet again—we’ve talked about the no-knocking issue. Now that we have a guest, you really have to remember to knock before you come in.”

They have the decency to look a little sheepish, even as they are clearly looking at him with suspicion.

“So you weren’t being an utter scumbag and getting your rocks off watching your hunter through Mephisto?” Luke asks.

“Don’t make me repeat myself,” Sylus growls. “I want kitten to know when I’m getting my fucking rocks off.”

“Eww, it’s like imagining our parents doing it,” Luke grimaces.

Kieran just winces, like the thought is unbearable.

Sylus stares at them. “Parents?”

Luke and Kieran look at each other, and then look back at Sylus. “Yeah?”

“Do I even want to know?”

“Well. You’re like. Work dad, right? And your hunter… they’re your chosen mate, right? So that makes them… also our parent,” Luke ticks off his points on his fingers, tilting his head in concentration.

Sylus can’t process this right now. He still has the image of your delicious ass in his head, and now he’s being confronted with sudden parenthood from his henchmen. Despite himself, however, he’s curious. “Would you be okay with… kitten. As… your parent?” He tries very hard to look bored. Why should he care if his employees approve of his beloved? Their opinion won’t change his feelings. They’re his henchmen, not his children. He suppresses a horrified shiver.

“Totally! They’re so fucking badass! And they’re hilarious!”

“And their willingness to play along with us, with the handcuffs and flare gun, with the latte art—I quite like them a lot. And watching them frustrate you, and throw duffel bags full of feathers at you, and shock you with their behavior in our pool, is amusing,” Kieran coughs, and then looks guilty for having admitted all that.

“Yeah, you could have chosen someone who just, totally sucks,” Luke adds. “But your hunter is fun!”

“Noted,” Sylus sniffs, ignoring the relief he is certainly not feeling because Luke and Kieran are his henchmen and not his kids. “We will never speak of this again.”

Luke and Kieran grin. “Sure, boss,” they chirp in unison.

“Was there a reason you steamrolled into my office in the first place?” Sylus ignores their obvious lie and changes the subject.

“Oh, not really. We just wanted to show you Kieran’s latest dick latte. The veins look great.”

Sylus rubs his temples. He has to install a new screen in his office because of his henchmen’s new hobby. A new hobby that they only have because of you, and your expression of interest in an espresso machine. If he wasn’t already aware of how much you’re changing his life, this would be another moment of epiphany.

“Take a picture, and I promise to look later. Right now I need to help kitten find the selection of swimsuits that are available.” Sylus is thrilled to have you swimming naked in his pool. In fact, he’d prefer it. But he wants you to have the option of a swimsuit. He suspects that you just didn’t realize that along with the rest of the things he has arranged to make your stay more comfortable, swimsuits are also among them.

You are weightless, and warm. Your arms and legs are growing pleasantly heavy, tired. Muscles well-used. You know that they’ll ache tomorrow—you’re not accustomed to swimming. Your workouts tend to be weightlifting, running. You used to run with Caleb, when you were still both living at your gran’s place. You take the memories and tuck them into a pocket. You don’t shove them down deep, but you don’t want to think about them right now. You don’t want to think about anything right now.

But now that you’ve worked out the anxious, jittery feeling from earlier, you’re really, really hungry. You wonder what time it is. If Sylus is done with his business. If he is, then you’d better figure out if there are any towels in here and get dressed before he comes looking for you. You finish your lap, hand touching the edge of the pool. You lift your head, preparing to haul yourself out of the water—and then squeal like a frightened rodent that’s just been stepped on. “The fuck, Sylus?”

Sylus is stretched out on one of the lounge chairs lining this side of the pool’s walkway. His chest is bare again—it looks like he’s wearing scarlet swim trunks. Two big, fluffy looking towels are on a low table next to him, along with a little bundle of dark fabric. Two cocktail glasses with little pink umbrellas sit next to the towels, along with a bowl full of… pastries? Croissants. Maybe cinnamon buns. Your mouth waters. His arms are folded behind his head, like he doesn’t have a care in the world. He’s humming a little tunelessly, eyes closed like he’s on the verge of napping.

You sink back into the water until it’s up to your chin and just stare at him.

“Hello to you too, darling. Aren’t you getting hungry?” he asks, eyes still closed.

“How long have you been there?”

“Long enough to know that you’re probably hungry by now,” he smiles faintly.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Did he watch you swim? Does he think you’re ridiculous, skinny dipping in his big fancy pool, a feral, uncivilized guest? You hadn’t even thought about a swimsuit. You just wanted to move your body, under the silent water.

“And interrupt your obvious enjoyment of our pool? I’m not in a hurry.”

“How did you know I was here?” you ask, but you know the answer. Like the swimsuit, you hadn’t even thought about Sylus being able to reach you through Mephisto, just as he explained to you that you could reach him through Mephisto. How could you have forgotten months of Sylus’s stalking you through his pet bird? You’ve been here one day, and despite everything, you’re already forgetting to be on your guard.

“Guess,” is all Sylus says.

You scowl at him, but he’s still not looking at you.

“Well? Hungry?”

At his amused words, your stomach growls loudly. The lapping of the water seems to cover it though, because he doesn’t react.

“May I use one of your towels?” you ask, trying to figure out how to get covered up as quickly as possible.

“That depends.”

“On?” You’re so not in the mood for one of his games, but he seems playful.

“Do you want to keep swimming after you eat?”

You stare at him.

“It’s not a trick question. You can do whatever you want. Are you done in the pool, or do you think maybe you’d like to check out the hot tub in the other room? Or use the sauna?”

“There’s a hot tub behind the solid door?” You promptly forget everything else. Drinking a fruity cocktail at what feels like ten in the morning, wolfing down some croissants, and soaking your pleasantly tired body in a hot tub? And since Sylus is wearing a swimsuit…

“Are you going to come, if I want to use the hot tub?”

“Why thank you for the kind invitation. I’d love to,” Sylus’s lips curl further.

“Okay, then I want to use the hot tub. But I’m starving.”

“Can’t have that,” he murmurs. He sits up, eyes still closed, and gingerly pats the side table. You realize that he wasn’t just resting his eyes. He’s respecting the fact that you’re not wearing any clothes.

You want to tell him that he can look all he wants. That out of everyone in the world, he is allowed.

His long fingers find the little puddle of dark fabric, and he tosses it to you. Despite his eyes being closed, it lands right in front of you.

“Neat trick,” you snark.

“Having good hearing helps,” he smirks.

“I wouldn’t know,” you mutter, suddenly painfully aware of your tinnitus ringing in your ears.

“Use me then, whenever you need a pair of ears.”

You stare at him for a moment, but he just serenely waits. You pull the fabric towards you, and it spills out over your hand and down your wrist. A swimsuit. In what appears to be your size.

“Is this some kind of hint? Can’t have your uncivilized guest wandering around buck naked, even if no one else is in the house?”

Sylus cocks his head. “I’m here. The twins are still here.”

You shrug, but realize he can’t see the gesture. “It’s just my body. It barely does what it’s supposed to do these days—I can’t imagine that seeing it is particularly interesting for anyone, let alone you or the twins.”

“Then your imagination is severely lacking.”

You snort. “You’re very good for my ego, insulting my imagination.”

“I would hope it’s good for your ego when I’m complimenting your gorgeous body.”

You pause. What? “There’s no need to mock me.”

“Who says I’m mocking you?”

You take the hint and pull the swimsuit onto your body. Unsurprisingly, it fits perfectly.

“There. You no longer have to shield your eyes from the horrors.” You drip your way to the table, grab the bowl of pastries and one of the cocktails, and then head to the solid door on one side of the pool.

When you’re faced with the question of how to open the door with your hands full, the tendrils of Sylus’s evol twist around the handle and pull.

“Thank you,” you murmur, before your breath is taken by the sight before you. Where the pool room was a study in soaring, minimal elegance, this room is small. Still with the ubiquitous floor-to-ceiling windows offering a view of the grounds, but the space is intimate. Steam rises from a pool—not a mere hot tub, but a small pool—tiled in the same colorful tile as that in the greenhouse, with underwater benches circling the edges. Moss-covered stones are piled on one side of the pool and dotted around the small room, where there is space between the large pine trees ringing the pool. You catch a whiff of pine over the scent of chlorine. It’s like being in a sheltered mountain hot spring.

You turn to find Sylus right behind you, looking at you curiously, holding the towels under one arm and his cocktail in one hand.

“All of this luxury, and it belongs to just one man,” you sigh, grateful that you’re allowed access, tormented by the thought of the poverty you’ve seen in the N109 Zone, in Linkon City.

“Well, the twins too,” Sylus shrugs.

“Do you ever have time to spend in here? Or are all these amenities in your base just for show? To be able to say to yourself that you own this, too.”

“I’m about to use it right now. Does that not count?”

You shake your head. “You know what I mean.”

He places the towels and the cocktail on the soft moss next to the pool and turns to you.

“May I?” he holds out his hand, and you give him the bowl of pastries and your own drink. He sets them next to the towels.

“Come,” he tells you, holding his hand out. You put your hand in his, and he steps into the water, pulling you with him. The water is deliciously hot. Sweat breaks out on your forehead after just a few moments. The water comes up to your waist if you stand, but you let yourself sink until it laps around your neck. Sylus, still with that faint smile, pulls you towards him as he sits on the built-in bench that rings the pool next to where he set the towels, drink, and food.

“It’s true that the more you have, the more you want. I am not immune to being greedy.” He picks up the conversation again as he guides you to him and settles you on his lap.

You can’t help yourself—you wrap your arms around his neck.

“So you’re saying you have all this for show. That you never use it. That it remains here, consuming all this energy to stay hot for an owner who will never come, while children are hungry on the streets.”

“Careful, your tender heart is exposed again, darling,” he murmurs, reaching over to the bowl of pastries, selecting what is definitely a gooey cinnamon roll, and bringing it to your lips. “Bite.”

You stare at him. “And if I don’t?”

“You’ll stay hungry like the children you’re worried about.”

You scowl at him. “How can you not care?”

“It’s not that I don’t care. It’s that some children will remain hungry, whether my hot tub is ready for my kitten when it wants a bath or not. Depriving myself of the pleasures of life does nothing to help them.”

“Your hot tub funds could go towards feeding them.”

“How do you know I don’t have separate funds that go towards feeding them?” He gazes steadily at you. “Bite.”

“Are you saying that you do use your money for good, as well as for personal pleasure?”

“I’m insulted that you think ‘good’ and ‘my personal pleasure’ are mutually exclusive. I derive pleasure from my philanthropic efforts.”

“What kind of efforts?”

He shrugs. “I don’t need to brag, sweetheart. Let’s just say that my interests in supporting the public welfare are varied and expensive, even with the tax write-off benefits. And yes, such interests do include funds that go towards improving the lives of children.”

You eye him, trying to gauge his sincerity.

“Are you satisfied? Will you stop thwarting my efforts to satiate your hunger now? Bite.”

You lean forward and take a big bite of the gooey, soft, delicious cinnamon roll. Your eyes roll back in your head and you can’t help the sound that comes out of your throat, it’s so good.

When you open your eyes again, Sylus is staring at you, the heat of the hot tub causing a luscious pink blush to rise in his pale cheeks, the tips of his ears.

“Again,” he says softly.

You take another bite. He stares at you while you eat, instructing you to take another bite after each swallow of the pastry. When you’re done, he lifts his thumb which is covered in the glazed icing, sugar, and cinnamon.

“Lick,” he says, his voice low.

The heat of the water, the pleasant fatigue in your body, the calm you achieved while swimming in the quiet for so long, the reassurance that Sylus, for all his faults, also tries to do good in the world—you feel pliant, and willing to do anything he wants. You lean forward again, open your mouth, and wait. Your heart pounds..

His nostrils flare and then he’s slipping his thumb into your mouth. You close your lips around it, and tongue the sweetness from his skin. When there’s nothing left, you still your tongue and wait.

He bites his full bottom lip and a look of regret crosses his face as he slowly withdraws his thumb from your lips. He then runs it along the lip he just bit. He closes his eyes, breathes.

“Why do you think no one would find your body interesting?”

Through your pounding heart, you swallow and try to look unaffected by what just happened, by what you can clearly feel as you rest on his lap through the thin fabric of his swimsuit. Because he is affected. His body is responding to you again. But for some reason, he wants to play the guessing game instead of… doing anything about it. You think about him leaning down, as if he’d kiss you. You think about him spinning on his heel and walking away instead.

“It isn’t so much that it’s not enough to pique interest in anyone else. It’s simply that it’s not enough to retain that interest.”

He lifts an eyebrow. “How so?”

You try to look away, but he reaches up and catches your jaw, gently guiding you back to meet his eyes. You sigh. Might as well get it out in the open. “I tried to tell you, when you asked me to help you with dating. I’m the last person you should ask, because even though I have a lot of experience in romantic relationships, they’ve never ended well. I’ve been cheated on more than once. I’m not qualified to be your dating coach.”

His brow furrows as you say ‘a lot of experience,' like he’s sucked on a lemon, before it’s quickly replaced with his customary bored expression. “I’ll take my chances. All I need to know is what you like, and you are best qualified to do that.”

“Why does it matter what I like? What about your beloved?”

He sniffs dismissively. “Why are people so insistent that I repeat myself today?” But before you can ask him what he means, he asks, “What does your… mistakes having cheated on you have to do with you?” Now he looks aggressively bored.

“When it happens not once, or twice, but more than that, it’s pretty obvious that the common denominator is me. So maybe it’s not my body that’s the issue. Maybe it’s just… all of me, that can’t retain their interest, or at least their courtesy of ending things before they seek out someone else to satisfy them.”

“Or maybe the only thing wrong with you is your taste in partners.” His eyes glow in the soft light emanating from under the pool’s water.

You look at him, this beautiful, dangerous, mercurial creature, your heart aching from how lovely he is, how far away he feels when all you would have to do to kiss him is lean forward, just a little bit, like taking a bite from the cinnamon roll. “Perhaps you’re right.”

His brow furrows. “If they cheated, then they were not for you. You were fated for another. And the one you’re fated for will never stray.”

You’re surprised. Sylus has never struck you as the type of person who would accept fate in determining his life and destiny—such a belief feels too passive for such a strong-willed man. “Do you actually believe in fate? In soulmates?”

He nods. “No matter how much I may resent the whims of fate, I do.”

His answer makes you unbearably sad. “What if you don’t like the one you’re destined to be with? And the person you have no choice in loving—if you’re destined for someone, then it doesn’t matter who they are, what makes them unique. It kind of… removes the idea that the person you love is special, that you chose them because they fit you so well.”

He runs a finger from your chin, up the line of your jaw, until he rests his palm against your cheek and smoothes his thumb along the corner of your eye. “On the contrary, I believe that my beloved is destined for me because they fit me so well—if they were not uniquely them, then they would not be my fate. I can assure you, I have very specific reasons for adoring my beloved. Even if fate gets everything else wrong, it has not failed me in this regard.”

Part of you is breaking at the clear adoration in his voice for his beloved, who can’t be you.

The other part of you is treacherously whispering in his deep, decadent voice— Yes, beloved? Words you’ve never heard him say to you, but you can hear so clearly in your head.

“Tell me about your beloved,” you whisper.

He leans forward, runs his nose along yours. His tongue flicks out and you feel its warmth along the side of your mouth before withdrawing again.

“You had some sugar,” he says quietly in response to the confused look on your face.

The water laps the sides of the pool with each small movement of your bodies. The scent of pine, of chlorine, of sugar and cinnamon fill your senses. The world is dark outside the windows, but you can’t see anything beyond the panes because of the condensation drifting up the glass from the heat of the pool.

Your heart won’t survive this man. You want to be put out of your misery. You never want to wake up from this dream.

“Tell me about your beloved,” you ask again.

He runs the hand not holding your cheek along your waist, his fingertips trailing goosebumps despite the warmth of the water. “Do you really still not know, darling?”

You close your eyes. “Know what, Sy?”

“That you don’t need me to answer your question. You already know my beloved better than anyone else. But you’re too afraid to admit that you already know who they are. What they want. What would please them the most.”

“How could I possibly know all those things, when I don’t know who your beloved is?” Your thoughts drift to your nightmare. To the streetlamps, and the darkness. The temptation to step off the ledge. You’ve already lost so much. What happens if you accept what he’s been waiting for you to acknowledge for a while now, and you have a brief, supernova moment of happiness with him? And as with real supernovas, the flash will give way to an endless darkness, or worse, a black hole. In either case, you know that the darkness lasts so much longer than that brief, blinding light. What happens when the inevitable result of your terrible choices in partners is repeated, and you have to experience the memory of what it’s like to be briefly loved by him, in comparison to his absence once he grows bored?

“You’re breaking the rules again, darling.”

You open your eyes, and all you see is Sylus. “What rules?”

“You can lie to everyone else in your life, but you will not lie to me. If you can’t admit that you already know the answer to your question, then I’ll wait until you can.”

He too, has started to sweat in the heat of this quiet, almost unbearably warm space. You watch a drop of sweat form at his temple, make its meandering way down his sharp jaw. You can’t help yourself. You lean forward and catch it on the tip of your tongue.

Salt. Sylus.

He shudders underneath you.

“I will be patient,” he says, voice strained, as if he’s trying to convince you. Or himself.

“What happens if you get bored, waiting? What if I take too long?” Because you’re not ready. The fear is overwhelming. You gave in to your curiosity in the dream, and the fall would have killed you if Sylus hadn’t called you back to wakefulness.

“You have no idea how long I’ve already waited. In the end, there is only one answer to your question, and that will not change, whether you admit it out loud right now, or fifty years from now. If you must test me in order to believe me, then test me.”

“That sounds like a challenge,” you smile.

“My beloved never backs down from a challenge,” he doesn’t return your smile. He is watching you with such sincerity that it takes your breath away. “But I’d rather, this time, they simply take me at my word.”

“What happens when you tire of your beloved once you have them for a little while, and start to notice all their flaws?”

“I’ve already evaluated the jewel; I’m afraid this particular gem is flawless.”

You snort. “No one is without imperfections.”

“My beloved is not just anyone. They’re perfect to me.”

You’re reeling. You don’t dare believe him. He must be lying. You have no idea why he would lie about this, what he could possibly have to gain, but his honeyed words are too unbelievable. You? Flawless? Perfect in this extraordinary man’s eyes? The absurdity would make you laugh if you weren’t already breathless from the idea that he has meant you, you, you, this whole time. You, his beloved.

“You still haven’t answered my question. What happens when you get bored?”

“I won’t.”

“How can I trust that?”

He lifts a dark silver eyebrow. “Only one way to find out.”

Suddenly, it’s all too overwhelming. The heat of the water. The long, physically demanding swim in the pool earlier. The fact that the only thing you’ve had to eat in the last twenty-four hours is a cinnamon roll. You lean forward, bury your head in Sylus’s damp neck, manage to resist the urge to lick his sweat again.

“Please wait a little longer,” you whisper. You need more time. You need to go on those fake dates with him. You need to see how he treats wait staff at a restaurant when the order is wrong. You need to make more mistakes, like with Kieran and Luke on the roadside, and see what happens the more the reality of you chips away at the pedestal he has inexplicably put you on in his mind, if he’s telling the truth. The edge is already beckoning you. You can’t step over yet, you can’t. You can’t.

“Again, why must I repeat myself so much today?” he gripes. “I already told you, I will wait, for as long as it takes.” He wraps his arms around you and hugs you tightly.

You hug him back, dizzy. From the heat. From the whirlwind of the last forty-eight hours. From the fraying tether you have on reality, after such a short time living in his world of dreams.

You stand at the ledge. You’re not ready to leap. But you’re leaning, leaning, closer than you’ve ever been. You just hope that when the inevitable happens—when you let yourself fall, Sylus will be there to catch you.

“I promise,” he says, as if he can read your mind. And he says he always keeps his promises.

I said I felt like crawling into a hole for the next four years and then inflict almost 15k words on you dear readers, I'm sorry for never keeping my promises, I'm not Sylus😭. I hope you enjoyed, we're very close to an actual relationship and maybe some real life smooches. I have plans for Noah's return in the next part and some fun activities while MC gets to knows Sylus better and practices imagining what a commitment to the leader of Onychinus would look like, but who knows what will actually come out of my brain when I sit down to write again.

#love and deepspace #love and deepspace sylus #sylus x reader #sylus x mc #my fanfic #i hope this is fun

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proseandpretrichor · 4 months ago

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Longing For You~ Spencer Reid

Summary: After noticing you share the same bus route, Spencer can't help but want to know more about you Warnings: None

Spencer had memorized your entire routine. Not in a creepy stalker way, he honestly couldn’t help it, your existence shone so bright it rendered him in captivation without you really even trying.

The first Monday he saw you, he smelled your perfume first. Vanilla with some hints of coffee and cinnamon, warm and comforting, like a hug from fall itself. You came to stand in front of where he sat, there being no room in the crowded bus, leaving you with the only option of invading his presence with yours. Facing him so that you could look out the window, the only words you had since spoken to him were a quick, “Sorry!” before turning your attention to the contents outside.

He didn’t anticipate what your voice would have sounded like but it matched you perfectly, soft, warm, melodic and lilting. Reminding him of the wind-chimes, Garcia cluttered her front porch with.

He wouldn’t have given anything and everything the universe desired of him to hear it again, to hear it every moment he was given on this earth.

He took the advantage of your distraction to commit your appearance to memory. You were much shorter than him. While he was tall and lanky, you were soft and curvy, every part of your body well loved. Shiny hair tumbling to kiss your shoulders creating a halo-like frame around your face. The hue of your hair saturating the in color your eyes, which sparkled from the wide-framed glasses perched on your nose dotted with freckles that splayed out reaching out till your cheekbones. Your full cheeks tinted pink from your exertion to reach the bus. Your lips were a modest plump, your fuller bottom lip caught in between your teeth as you surveyed the scenes they passed.

That day you wore a simple black dress. Thin straps meeting the v-line that plummeted to your cleavage. The fabric clinging to your soft curves until your hips then fell loosely till your mid-thighs. Artistically woven jewelry making home in the open space of your chest as though pointed to the art below the garments. An oversized sage green sweater covered your exposed shoulders and trailed down your arms covering your ring clad fingers which clasped your leather satchel matching his.

Your black boot clad feet tip tapped on the bus floor as you mouthed the lyrics to the music flowing from the earbuds in your ears adorned with more jewelry he thought could possibly fit on someone’s ears.

It was then that he noticed an array of tattoos underneath your black stockings.

An open faced pomegranate, a fairy, a hummingbird, a lit lantern with some plants hanging from the frame, a cracked antique looking mirror and a mosaic looking window were only some of the art that he could see covering your lower thighs and upper calves. Spencer was never particularly drawn to tattoos before, but there was something so mesmerizing and intriguing about the ink plastered on your skin. Why these drawings, what did they mean to you, what were their stories, did you have any others he couldn’t see.

The chirping sound of someone signaling the driver to stop the bus interrupted his thoughts and before he could snap out of his trance you were gone.

The next day, Spencer vibrated with anticipation as the bus hurled towards the stop he hoped you would be at. Sure enough, the open doors wafted your perfume towards him as he glanced up from his shoes and saw you walking towards him as you boarded the bus.

This Tuesday was rainy, foggy, humid, and ominous. While Spencer loved the possibility these kinds of days brought, most of society didn’t. And much to his delight, this meant the bus wasn’t as crowded as the previous day, allowing you to perch yourself in the seat across from him.

The open space allowed you to open your satchel and bring out your book which seemed to delight you. You wiggled in your seat as you opened the very worn copy, cramming the bookmark, annotation tabs and pencil in your hand as you placed the book on your thighs.

Spencer couldn’t help but stare at you in awe as you lost yourself in the pages in the way he’s only seen in himself. Every now and then you would pause, look up and out at the window above him, adjust your glasses, underline a particular sentence or two and tab the page before losing yourself in the plot once more.

He couldn’t help but feel pieces of his soul chip off of his being and float over to you every time you hummed a note in the song you was listening to or pulled a berry glossed lip into your teeth.

Spencer knew in his very genius logical mind that love at first sight couldn't possibly be plausible. While love at first sight could very well be an intense initial attraction, one couldn’t simply be in love or hold the intense passion of love with nothing but a singular glance of a person.

But in that moment, Spencer was willing to risk it all, he was willing to step onto every stage he ever stood on and declare he wished to worship this one goddess for the rest of his life, however long he was blessed with. And if he was granted too little time on this earth, he would beg on his knees to a god he didn’t believe in to have just one more minute looking at you.

Over the coming weeks, Spencer committed any little detail of you to memory. An unsleeved coffee cup told him the secret of your coffee order- a hot/iced dirty chai extra chai and a shot of caramel. The temperature of your beverage depends on the weather that day.

He figured out your favorite color as your glasses, phone case, and many of your articles of clothing were various shades of the same color.

A flash of your work badge allowed him to notice your place of work- a local university in the city of Quanitico which a quick shameful google search he made as soon as he got to work told him you were the lead analyst and book curator for the library at the school.

He joined Instagram just to scroll through your posts and stories which included snapshots of the books you read - a blend of the classics, fantasy, and romance being the most frequent genres you enjoyed, song lyrics that spoke to you, and what you called photo dumps of random candids of you and things you enjoyed throughout your weeks.

He learned you had a rescue pitbull named Galadriel which you affectionately called Gala from your posts and phone lockscreen.

He learned you graduated from Harvard from the only swag sweatshirt you seemed to own since unlike all of the clothes he had seen you wear this one was faded and worn and a quick inquiry from an acquaintance who raved on and on about the sweet, dedicated, and smart nature of their old student.

After three months of shared bus routes, he was totally enamored with you. You were his last thought before he went to bed wondering how you would do your hair or what you would wear the next morning and the first thought he mustered when he woke up a ghostly waft of your perfume fueling him to start the day just to see her.

He longed to hold you in his arms, to bury his head in your neck, card his fingers through your soft tresses and listen to your every word with a baited breath. But no matter how much he longed and struggled to gain the confidence to just try and approach you, he couldn’t enter your bubble for fear of you finding him uninteresting.

It was 3:37 on a Wednesday afternoon as Spencer sat down in his usual seat. He and the team had just wrapped up a case when he decided he would take the after case paperwork home and do it after a little power nap and shower. As he leaned against the window clutching his go-bag in his lap, he didn’t notice the bus filling up with people leaving work, nor did he register the presence coming up towards him.

“Excuse me,” he turned to face the voice, “Do you mind if I sit here, there’s no more space otherwise I’d give you the row” You smiled softly at him gesturing at the seat beside him.

“No, of course! I don’t mind at all.” He said a little to hurriedly wincing at his own excitement.

With a soft thanks, You plopped in the seat, thigh brushing his due to the close proximity.

“Are you alright? I don’t mean to pry but you seem more exhausted today then you typically do. Not that you look tired normally, I didn’t mean that…” You stuttered, taking a deep breath before continuing, "I just haven’t seen you in a while and wanted to make sure everything was okay in your world.” Finishing with tinged cheeks you glanced at him before focusing on one of your rings.

“I am quite alright, thank you. Exhausted yes, but if anything relieved to be here. I was on a case.” Spencer told you, teeming with excitement that they were finally having a conversation, something he only ever thought would happen in his daydreams.

“A case?” What kind of case, if you don’t mind me asking.” You tilted your head fully invested in his next words.

Spencer couldn’t believe that not only did you notice he was gone, wanted to check on his well-being, but actually was invested in his life with a sliver of interest he had with you.

“You don’t have to share. I know I’m being nosy. Just tell me to butt-out if you want some peace and quiet.”

“No! He quickly shut you down.

“I don’t mind, I work for the FBI, I was on a case to stop a series of serial killings.”

You fully turned in her seat, mouth dropping in shock. “I thought they only had those jobs in movies! Do you have those boards with the pictures and the red strings, and have the family members make phone calls to the criminals?” your hands started waving and your eyes widening as the thoughts raced around in your head.

“Well I am a terrible liar so I don’t think I’m cut out to be an actor. He tried to joke that he was delighted to be rewarded with a little giggle from the girl beside him.

“We have boards, yes, no strings, though. We mainly put photos of preceding victims, evidence and geographical tools such as maps. Sometimes we entice the unsub with direct contact if they have the need to inselves into the investigation. Most of the time we don’t have any contact” He rambled but quickly trailed off taking a peek at you to see if you had any signs of boredom.

Instead you found you leaning towards him, chin resting your closed fist which you propped on your thigh. You nodded along pausing before asking, “Unsub? I’m unfamiliar with that term.”

“Unidentified subject,” Spencer supplied, “Since they are not convicted or charged with a crime, yet they are not technically criminals.”

“Ohhhhh, yeah that makes total sense. Duh” You said lightly smacking your forehead. Spencer couldn’t help but chuckle.

Spencer expected you to be content with the conversation and turn your attention elsewhere. Instead you continued asking him questions about the case, interjecting to ask his opinions on the unsubs behaviors or make little comments of your own. Just as Spencer anticipated, talking to you was easy even if they were discussing a rather heavy topic and you voiced very interesting points.

Before he knew it, the bus had arrived at your stop and Spencer's heart ached when you moved to get up.

“See you tomorrow… I’m sorry I don’t know your name!” you exclaimed, hands coming up to cup your cheeks in embarrassment.

“Spencer Reid.” He offered.

“Y/N Y/LN” you returned beaming up at him. “I would love to continue this conversation tomorrow if you're interested.” you asked, looking down nervously.

“I would like that.” Spencer returned.

You nodded and with a little bounce you turned and headed to the bus exit. As you stood behind the line of passengers exiting, you turned back and waved at Spencer before you disappeared off the bus.

Spencer held his hand up to wave back hoping you saw him return your gesture.

For the rest of his ride, he could not stop grinning. He willed the bus to drive to his apartment faster so he could climb into bed so the next time he opened his eyes he would only have to wait a little longer to hear your voice and smell that vanilla perfume.

#spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x you #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfiction #dr spencer reid #doctor spencer reid #criminal minds fandom #spencer reid criminal minds

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delicrieux · 3 months ago

Text

. . . l'oeuf

˙⋆✮ summary. just another evening at henry's.

pairing. henry winter x f!reader warnings. smoking, swearing, mentioned drug use, bad aspirin use specifically, use of alcohol, +18 (p n v sex, no condom henry DOES NOT care, very minimal dirty talk), pretentiousness, an inkling of classicism, bunny™ wc. 6.9k ✧˖°.

author's note. happy october everyone ! i always wanted to write smth for the loml henry winter but i never had the patience to sit down and do it. well, now i did. this was written with prompt 1. thick, acrid smoke. feel free to rqs more for the prompty thingies! x . . . side note! the fic is named by this song since i listened to it while writing. you can draw a metaphor from it if willing

creds. hd., div.

mlist | buy me coffee ♡ྀ

it was at the start of october on that fateful senior year that you had found yourself in henry winter's illustrious townhouse. from the lacquered brazillian hardwood floorboards to the ivory plasterwork on the ceilings – every corner pertained a certain degree of finery that reflected poorly on the rest of its objects: a well-worn armchair perpetually stuck in henry’s physique and fraying at the edges, the trampled rug that snaked upstairs and held all of your secrets, the coffee table with too many wine stains. in the dim light, the dried rorschach looked like blood.

the present company consisted of six and was slowly dwindling. your dear friend francis, the only boy who had never cared to peek up your skirt in childhood tennis practice, was a moment from collapsing into himself like a weary, old star. holding a champagne coupe from which he exclusively drunk only campari, he had thrown himself over henry’s couch not unlike a discontent lead from a penny dreadful novel. his face kept twisting according to the sounds: bunny’s voice was met with pursed lips and a tightly shut eye (only one, closest to bunny’s person sat by the aforementioned coffee table), charles’ – with a look of defeated boredom, and in the odd bouts of silence and music, bliss.

you offered him a cigarette, and he barely managed to crane his neck to kiss the knuckles of a helping hand before he snatched it away and searched his pockets for a lighter.

sweet camilla sat by the fire, with her knees drawn to her chest. one black stocking was torn on the side, rippling up her calf and sneaking into her inner knee, an action bunny had noted and all had taken particular interest in. there had been a metaphor about literature resembling her glossy stockings – all that language and reference weaved into a fabric that stretched till it could no more, thus marking the end of innovation and intertextuality. a book can only fit so much, and as all of them cared for ancient greek only – a language that no one spoke, and so, could never refine past its perfect state – the topic soon waned in favor of more brandy.

bunny cowed a story about richard papen, the outsider that had joined their coterie, who was not present, as he had not been invited. he was a fine orator, had a specific sense of humor that, while not always understood, could charm an audience when fidgeted with enough. only bunny was too drunk, and his glass of whiskey kept spilling on his trousers till it left an undignified blotch crowned by cigarette ashes, which only painted him a blubbering buffoon. ‘the fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool,’ came to mind as you admired the embers dancing in the halo of his blond hair.

then, there was charles, drunk as always, who had opted to lay by camilla’s feet, the place where bunny’s drunken attempts of metaphor had landed him.

lastly, there was henry, your own personal virgil, who had not wanted you to come, but allowed it still. he looked tired from across the room, an arm thrown over the cushions of the armchair in which he sat. in his left hand he held a book, a cover and a title too out of frame for your eyes to see; amber reflected in his wiry glasses, the color of his brandy bottle (half empty) before the orange glow of the fire burned it copper. a plume of cigarette smoke curled into the ceiling from his two fingers. only he could have full concentration among the chaotic symphony in the living room.

the record spun to silence, and you quickly abated your seat on the windowsill to pad to the cabinet and change the vinyl. the collection of classics had not increased since your last visit, which was roughly a week ago, and it had not changed since henry moved out the dorms during the winter of your junior year. there were chopin’s nocturnes and etudes, beethoven’s piano sonatas, and wagner’s tristan and isolda, just to name a few. something lulling, quiet. you picked debussy and placed the needle. lilting, soft and steady, like you supposed love would feel.

instantly, you were met with bunny’s ire.

“no, no,” a wave and a body too weak to stop you. you ensured he was gifted your most sly smile, “no, woman, put on somethin’, somethin’ grand,” a larger wave, like a poorly coordinated conductor, he smacked his hand too close to francis’ head. a groan from charles, as if he had grown nauseous from watching the motions, “somethin’ for me and charlie here,”

charles tried to turn away in his discontent, yet did not manage. camilla, concerned, laid a hand on his shoulder, “should we go? i think we should head home.”

“see?” bunny’s accusing tone found you once more, “you’re scaring the guests. put on some real music. like the... the...” he trailed off, lighting another cigarette. for good luck, one could imagine, “like goddamn— listen to led zeppelin, man! the rolling stones!”

you glanced to henry and found yourself surprised. a shared look.

“no such things in our humble repertoire,” you stated.

“mile davis, at least?”

“no,”

“i don’t believe you,”

“you’re free to check for yourself.”

amidst this small argument, which was much too common when dealing with bunny, camilla had somehow managed to wrestle charles into standing on his own two feet. unstable, he leaned onto his sister, the added weight making her stagger.

“goodness, take care of charles,” bunny whined, though his complaints never amounted to more than simple sulking. you chose not to pay them much mind.

it was henry that helped, carefully balancing his book on the armrest and coming to take charles from camilla’s embrace.

“should i drive you home?” he asked.

camilla shook her head, en route to retrieve her red scarf and new coat, “no, no, we’ll call a taxi.”

it was always mildly fascinating watching the two interact. camilla, never able to meet his gaze directly and for too long, and henry, who only ever extended wordless aid without prompt or reason to her only. what had she done to earn such favor was beyond you – beyond everyone, perhaps – but you were certain you weren’t the only one that saw this careful act of piety and kindness.

you observed them shuffle out after moments on the telephone, camilla’s hand ghosting henry’s arm, or grazing the bend of his elbow, and only when they disappeared past the large door to wait for the taxi did you look away.

loving henry winter was a sisyphean task, unworthy of the effort which it required. you thought yourself too smart for it, and thus, never cared to entertain the notion, not even when he kissed you.

you caught bunny staring at you: not scrutinizing, not calculating – simply staring. a curious leer that often fell on you after some semblance of mirth had worn down. almost shy, somewhat longing.

“this richard of yours,” you began, helping yourself to henry’s lucky strike. out of all the brands that you had smoked, this was the most bitter and always left a tart taste in the back of your throat. you craved it, “papen, was it?”

“yup,” bunny mumbled into his glass.

“and how is he?” your gaze jumped from him to francis.

“poor,” bunny said.

“californian,” francis tacked on.

“but he pretends he isn’t,” bunny continued.

“californian?” your brows rose. the smell, the taste – too powerful, almost choking.

“no, no,” bunny shook his head, disoriented for a moment, “rich. pretends to be rich. see, i didn’t tell you this, but,” and he reached for henry’s cigarettes, too, even if his own pack laid abandoned, two-three left untouched. he did this, at times, this odd mimicry: you smoked, he smoked what you did, you drank, he drank what you did, you decided a getaway to italy was your dream destination for a week and later learned he had haggled henry into buying tickets for the two of them, “but i, you know me: never judge a book by its cover, i say. invited him to dinner. the usual place, the one on-”

“god,” francis winced, and if he could move, surely he’d flee, “stop talking.”

“the lady asked, am i to deny her now? i thought he wouldn’t show, but he does, doesn’t he? with a goddamned tweed jacket, like i wouldn’t notice,” he hiccupped mid-explanation, the liquor long congealed into his system, “and, you know, me, i know people. i know people. i see them for what they are, and i knew he was a no good cheat from a mile away, but hey,” a straight spine, a bit proud, “i think to myself, you know what, old man, i’m gonna give this guy a chance. pop’s always-”

“aspirin,” francis interjected, this time directed at you, “bring me some, would you, juliet?”

you snorted, “a moment,”

“thank you, desdemona. you’re a midsummer night’s dream,”

“she’s from othello,”

“my point stands.”

you sauntered off into henry’s kitchen and scoured his cupboards for painkillers. the layout of this place you knew too well – perhaps, even, if you closed your eyes, you could discern each obstacle and map it in front of your eyes with the grace and certainty of a guidebook. you did just that.

behind you, a sudden coldness pierced through the humidity and a door shut harshly. the influx of fresh air was a brief slap to the face.

it’s been silent for a while now.

“what are you doing?” henry’s voice, not close, yet not too far. always observing at a distance, since closeness was never his intention. henry winter. what a fitting name.

“looking for aspirin.”

the tick of an unseen clock.

“top drawer,” there was no urgency; something you didn’t understand was what made him hurry to answer, “i hid them there. bunny keeps stealing my entire cabinet.”

your eyes fluttered open, “my, my. what a snitch,”

“don’t give him the aspirin,”

“it’s for francis,”

“very well.”

an impasse. you closed the cabinet and thought against bringing water with you, knowing it’s unneeded.

“may i?” henry asked, and when you turned to look at him, he was as always – unbreakable, unmovable. expectant, perhaps, his heavy gaze a familiar pressure upon your cheekbones, the curve of your jaw, your swollen mouth (from biting, not being kissed).

“they’re yours,” you said easily, turning the cap and spilling a few into the bed of your palm as he approached, “here.”

to make matters harder, there’s but a foot of space between the two of you. the smallest separation, every part of him and every part of you entangled into one odd constellation. an immensity of motion before him and an immensity of energy after.

“water?”

“whiskey.”

“is it also hidden?”

“no.”

so you retrieved him a glass, and then the bottle, and lastly you poured the amount enough to swallow in one gulp. when he took and drank, and you watched his adam’s apple bob, you wondered, briefly and hazily, was your act in any way similar to camilla’s. a star that constantly drew him into her orbit.

“you didn’t leave,” he uttered quietly, tired eyes flicking to the maw of the kitchen opening. down the foyer, the firelight danced. bunny’s voice rose in a toast, no doubt to shake francis out of his stupor.

“i did,” you said, a slow smile curling, “what you see before you is a specter. the delirious imaginings of an impoverished mind.”

“ridiculous,” the quirk of his eyebrows: mock-offended.

“amusing,” the narrow of your eyes: contagious, “was everything my spirit foretold the same as you saw it unfold?”

weariness. you looked for it and found it easy enough. his fingers flexed, his tongue went behind his teeth. the cogs turned. for all his genius, henry was too susceptible to fable and entirely too superstitious. he could ward himself off it well, yet when his inhibitions were down, there was a hint of something else, a spark of pious faith in the impossible, what not might come next. he kept looking at you for an extended moment, until the corner of his mouth, minutely, drew up into a not-quite-smile.

“hermia!” came francis’ voice from the other room, “i’m dying.”

henry said nothing.

you expected bunny drunkenly swinging an almost empty bottle around to try and cheer up francis (it rarely worked, unless it was wine), and yet, he wasn’t there. the living room felt very big, somehow, devoid of him and the makings of his gullible heart.

“and where is bun?” you questioned, almost scolding.

“bathroom,” francis succeeded sitting up, yet only just.

you heard henry curse under his breath. he disappeared, and soon you heard the continents of a stomach emptying down the hall and henry’s monotone behind a closed door.

“time to end this sabbath, me thinks,” you said. francis took the pills with a fresh glass of campari, nose scrunching from the taste.

“d’you think henry could drive me home?” francis asked.

“do you trust him with your life?”

“do you think he’d let me die?”

“depends,”

“no. i’ll cab it,”

“wise decision.”

henry returned, seemingly exhausted from his small adventure. no one followed after.

“bun?” you asked again, which seemed to displease him. he only shook his head. passed out, then. unfortunate, yet expected. if bunny could somehow gain authority over all of henry’s things – even the minute ones, the ones that don’t matter and exist in the peripherals without henry’s notice – he would. it was the same reason francis once insisted that bunny had been in love with you.

the incident occurred during your first year of college in early november. a rather somber and chilly day with leaves sticking to wet asphalt and stone walls amidst the rainy season. a monday. bunny had broken his ankle and complained terribly about it, and henry, who had become his caretaker, was sick of it and instead abhorred him. by accident and complete mischance, the handling of bunny corcoran had fallen onto your graceful shoulders, and in a single day – full of obsolete complaints and impulsive questions – the theorized affection was born.

if there was a way in which bunny’s countenance had changed in your presence, it was lost on you, for your attention, at the time, was solely pilfered by charles. he was, back then, the most handsome of the greek class, and oddly enough, the only one pleasant, thus you sought his favor. but charles never returned your fondness, no matter how minuscule it could be, and he never gave the impression of fleeting interest. only sometimes, when he thought you would not catch him, he would stare at you for a bit too long. you never got to figure out what he had thought in those moments.

instead, you figured yourself an actor – a pretty one at that – and decided to ignore this indelicate sort of charm and pursue a new mark. there were many, of course, plenty of faces to consider, yet the outcome was always the same. as it were, they were all terribly boring and reminded you greatly of the peers you’ve encountered in private schools, the self-proclaimed intellectuals of the new age that had too much time and too much heartbreak on their hands. good looks aside, not the slightest hint of culture nor comprehension, just money and nothing to show for it.

and then there was henry, of course, so quintessentially different that his existence, still, was hard to define. something outside the realm of you. something above or beyond, or perhaps below – always somewhere you could not reach. there was an irrecoverable arrogance to him and in his aloof demeanor. an inviolable space that never invited others.

yes, there had to be some appeal to the strangeness of him, yet never could you put your finger on what exactly it was. at least, not immediately. at first sight, though, there were more poetic reasons to it – of the tragic and of the divine kind, yet that was no truth but some novel-born whim, a pointless obsession, some meager infatuation. an involuntary fetish. he had not wanted you, which only made it so that you wanted him in turn. it wasn’t an ugly thing – it simply was.

he must’ve known. henry always seemed to possess the knowledge of things you had never dared to question or to think twice of. or, perhaps, maybe not: but, despite your inability to identify the cause of it, there was a certain change to your disposition upon entering his shared room. one, maybe, akin to the sudden fear brought by dark enclosed spaces, though a bit more subtle and complex.

it was, ironically, a winter’s night.

when you phoned the same taxi and requested it’s return, francis spoke in a hazy murmur, sluggishly trying to shrug on the coat you brought him, “god, i really need a cigarette.”

“hm?”

“do you see mine anywhere?”

a rueful search, hands grabbing the scattered glass and hardbound that littered the surface of the coffee table. a valiant attempt to move the couch cushions and dip fingers into the cracks.

“no,”

“well, fuck me,”

henry offered his, but francis refused. the living room lit up in that thick, acrid smoke anyway.

the foyer echoed with your footsteps. outside the townhouse, rain had started again. a few drops at first, tapping the windows, before quickly it grew and gained weight. soon, it was battering against the glass.

with your scarf in your hands you suddenly found yourself unsure what to do with it. the taxi was coming and it was time to go home and plead to a higher power for reprieve from the headache you knew would cripple you in the morning. perhaps, an afternoon tomorrow to mull around, dazed. yet there was no respite in any of that. you realized, then, with this abrupt trepidation, that the cause of your discomfort, or the cause that exacerbated it, was within this confided space. a chasm-deep disquiet, like an open mouth of a ravine, dark and shadowy, or the pull of a tide at sea, which was, as they say, irresistible to even the most levelheaded.

somewhat uneasily, you lingered by the coat hanger, and when francis ambled over, tripping over his own two feet, he downed the rest of his campari and shoved the glass into your useless hands. then, he kissed your cheek, quick and wet, before ripping the door open and shoving it closed behind you, hence halting your escape.

the house was deafened, and your palms itched. the overwhelming urge to twiddle with your scarf became unbearable, or it was because a pair of eyes bore into you from the depths of the room. the closest thing you’ve ever considered to a tangible aura: the smell of ozone and rain water and tobacco.

“don’t suppose he’s waiting in the rain, is he?” you said.

“no, i don’t think he is.”

it didn’t make sense, none of what happened afterward – the decision to face him instead of making off into the chilling night. your arms crossed in a quiet and peculiar motion, clutching the coupe a bit too tight.

“whiskey?” henry offered, and you felt like the silly ingénue in some high-brow noir thriller donning all that cashmere by the door, “or bourbon.”

“fine.”

a crease of his eyebrow – the sole indication of surprise. your jacket found its rightful place on the rack along with that dreaded scarf. hesitance was unfamiliar to you, as you had not known it growing up – neither a sense of propriety nor a loss of footing. the dandy act had been adopted and perfected to such a degree that to relinquish the mask itself was oddly relieving, the discomfort born merely by knowing that francis was aware of your unusual situation and the upcoming events that would take place once the theater was done. there was a brief thought to how henry might’ve perceived you then. perhaps the removal of a layer of pretense might’ve intrigued him, if anything.

you remained at a slight distance and watched him traverse his domain, stepping around the askew items left behind by bunny and a bottle of gin haphazardly upended by charles, warm by the fire. there was an anomalous sort of patience to him. the silence was an abrasion. so often, you found yourself chattering to fill the void, even with other men who took the shape of strangers.

“there’s quite a storm brewing,” you said, only to be met with more silence. when your words simpered, the feeling they left was inexplicably ominous. ‘all that is transitory is but a symbol,’ yet only a bad poet would dare to draw a soliloquy from henry’s figure by the flames.

thus, you sat down on the couch, still warm from francis, and held up the beloved champagne coupe. henry’s hand did not tremble as it poured, but your fingers quivered when his attention fell onto you.

“is it good?”

you never felt the alcohol, only the burning in the back of your throat.

“very,”

he found himself beside you, not too close. the distance was not unlike orpheus’ journey, or so it appeared in the dim firelight – the familiar pangs of the unwilling, the sudden, selfish urge of wanting to see him in his entirety, his visage unhindered

“may i?” you asked, meaning, of course, his cigarette. he acquiesced easily. the only telltale of his everlasting unbothered mien: his focus had, and always seemed to be, too acute. it was enough to unnerve anyone. flattering, perhaps, if only you could tell what he was thinking, but you never could.

in your lap, the half-empty coupe. you left a smudge of your lipstick on the cigarette butt. henry inhaled. it was not unlike a kiss.

“francis mentioned you didn’t want to see me,” you said.

“i didn’t,” he responded.

“a lie, was it then?”

“you assume to know?”

“yes.”

another drag. smoke parted his mouth, slow as molasses and heavy as clouds.

“you’ve changed,” you said.

conversation with henry had always been difficult, before and after your frequent follies in the dark. if you did speak, it was never about one another, or anything that resided past skin and bone, nestled somewhere in the marrow, only felt. in instances where you did find common ground it was only ever art – literature, specifically, and when he was in a good mood, painting. henry only had one fascination and refused to entertain others; here lied his fatal flaw. thus, in a crowd of three and more, you could exchange remarks that would seem and sound important but held no real meaning.

“what sort of change have you noticed?” henry murmured. the lighting cast shadows. his hands twitched.

you were not sure, as you remembered him in much more detail and color. here, ashen-faced and obscured, all you saw was the ghost of his image, as though he had grown morose in a way that a single season could not alter. the greek class had often suffered for the aesthetic – self-imposed punishments of grandeur and excess that to everyone outside their circle seemed quite ridiculous, along with their dark clothes and mysterious miens and enigmatic jokes. some said they were haunted or blessed, but none envied them. alas.

troubled is the closest you could find, though if you were to voice it, he might take you for a child. it was never good to seek out his vulnerability. he would say you could never find it, and, inevitably, it would end up being the truth. henry wasn’t good at love. no one of were.

you shrugged, “you’ve become quiet.”

“am i, now?”

“more so than you’ve been,”

“perhaps you’ve just gotten better at listening,”

“unlikely,”

henry cocked his head. his hand, once again, twitched and there was an urge to reach out and grasp his fingers – some sort of absolution or at least a consolation for something neither one of you might’ve cared to mention. never did the man in front of you appear unsure, yet somehow, despite his best effort to the contrary, you felt a similar trepidation of an undefined thing.

henry was impossible to read. not just a mystery, but undeciphered in ways so beyond the mundane. over the years, you had collected enough clues to form a humble dictionary, yet much of what was missing could only be determined through his own misfortune and complacency – things which would, then, by nature and by fate, stray into your arms.

it did not matter, not entirely, at least. you did not love henry, but you thought that camilla did, and he, in turn, her. once you exhausted your inspection, perhaps you would pass that glossary to her, though you doubted that she would ever find any use for it.

“well,” henry said, “i suppose that’s to be expected. anything else?”

“would you enjoy a dissection?”

henry hummed, perhaps in agreement or curiosity, but it was very possible that he thought you foolish.

“no need,” he said, “yours is transparent.”

“really?” you countered, “they never are. people, i mean.”

“who are you thinking of?”

your mind drifted to bunny, likely curled on the cold tiles of the bathroom. with the first few buttons of his shirt popped and tie loosened, there was the picture of one not withering away but merely on the incline of a steep and lonely hill. all quiet in the dark of a windowless room from which he couldn’t even turn his head and see the stars.

it felt as though he would wake soon and interrupt. his presence always breached spaces he did not occupy, and the anticipation of his arrival always lingered in the air, unspoken but palpable. perhaps bunny would always exist in the shadowy corner-room between you and henry, because, if what francis said was true, henry was the first to know of it and had you, still.

you wondered if he regretted it, if he felt like brutus sticking the first knife into caesar’s rib, closest to the heart. you considered asking: in that moment, the urge felt insurmountable. instead, you said, “a little bit of everyone.”

inclined, you caught his gaze. an abysmal color and a disorienting shade, as deep and gloomy as the woods surrounding mount cataract.

“and me?”

“of course,” you smiled and slid a bit closer, “it’s not like you to ask. have you become sentimental?”

“not exactly,” his eyes moved to his hands. then, the flecks in the fireplace, the piles on the floor, “i’ve been thinking.”

“care to elaborate?”

“no,” he said. you understood his need for privacy, and a small part of you could appreciate his effort, or maybe, rather, that you got something of an answer at all. he did, occasionally, tend to disappear in thought. he remained, despite his reluctance, sitting with you. this, in a way, spoke more to you than the words that could never leave his mouth.

“this weather makes a body wistful,” you told him, “and the greek have always liked their tragedies.”

he clicked his tongue to the roof of his mouth before lighting another cigarette, “what do you know of greek?”

always the same argument. always the same contradiction. your attraction was tempestuous, and so, it should have surprised you neither the sudden bite or the wicked sense of amusement.

“all that any student would, naturally,”

“so, nothing,”

“i suppose,” you would not admit, for he would win, “henry,”

something in his posture betrayed him, but it was not his eyes, nor his tone, “yes?”

you were close then, much closer than you were moments ago. his lips thinned in a brittle, noncommittal line and his eyes drooped – more of a warning than anything.

“are you going to kiss me?” you asked.

he wanted to, he must’ve, for it had been the only sensible action – you always pressed for what would hurt least. to drown and swallow poison. it was a favorite, and, for some reason, one he allowed, like an agreement reached. to your knowledge, he only ever let himself indulge in you.

henry only leaned in, which was enough for you. his mouth, a second, not any less tantalizing than the first. and you had kissed him with a brazen softness, enough that his hands snaked to grasp the back of your neck. another hit. the smoke and ash settled deep in your lungs. you had pushed it out in a groan when he dropped his hands to your thighs, pressing hard and confident as he had on those nights when you found each other too lonely. the ache he created was wonderful.

you grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled it until it untucked. he swallowed and whispered in a language you were familiar with but couldn’t speak, and lifted your skirt.

you kept the cigarette between your teeth as he mouthed down your jaw and neck. his finger traced the skin at the back of your knee and that tickling spot right below your ribs. goosebumps rose and followed his touch. he nipped at the crook of your neck and dragged you onto his lap.

“you are dressed far too heavily, and terribly,” you heard him say, and when his lips found the shell of your ear, you could not stifle the shiver. the whole room felt claustrophobic, hot and steamy, like the aftermath of a scalding bath. your breaths grew labored. you closed your eyes against it and clawed into his arm.

henry said, again, this time more slowly and with a dull emphasis, “terribly.”

“how dare you insult my taste,”

“would you allow for a remediation of my sins?”

“luckily, i’m in an agreeable mood.”

henry’s own sigh was long and somewhat labored, as though a great pressure had been taken off him. and his hands flexed, moving up and down your back. a rare instance, to find him restless. you could admire this in private.

the press of lips to your neck. the collarbone, jutting sharp in the firelight.

there was the urge, sudden and quite novel, to caress his face, cup his cheek, graze the edge of the scar of the eye that’s colder than its twin, that shrouds you in a mist. such an act was outlawed, naturally, thus, the opportunity came and went, carried away on a drafting wind of smoke. an irredeemable misfortune, and you flicked the cigarette into your abandoned coupe.

“are you comfortable?” the gentle cadence of his voice sent a wave through the warmest depths of your abdomen.

“yes.”

henry, having brushed away your stockings, stroked at the insides of your thighs. there was a light feeling in your head, an almost dizzying sway. a subtle rocking, like boats at port, from where the two of you were perched. his digits dug into the firm meat. beneath his hands, a stretch of burning skin and sinew. muscle clenched and quivered, “terribly inconvenient, by the way.”

“how do you mean?”

“all the layers,” he muttered.

“good,”

“never good,”

and then, suddenly: “are you wet?”

“if you touched me properly, you could tell,”

henry ignored your response. his hand climbed upward, and found a place between the gusset and the middle seam, rubbing, testing.

“recently,” you said, “i’ve become fascinated with joseph cornell.”

“you’re stalling,” henry informed you without inflection, slipping a finger through the damp center. a harsh noise of pleasure left you when his tongue slid between your lips. one, then two, circling and sinking with the utmost delicacy.

“why? are you not curious to hear what i think of his boxes?” you managed, halfway.

another stroke. his thumb rubbing, slow and considerate, in the spot that makes your toes curl, tight and demanding. when his eyes opened and found yours, it was almost comical – his fingers in you, mouth and mind on a completely different path, yet the connection was there all the same. even more so, while trying to be detached, fumbling over buttons and laces.

“no,”

“you might learn something,”

he quirked a brow, “you truly wish to waste time talking?”

“aren’t you?”

“i am taking an assessment of your willingness to submit,”

“are you certain it’s not the other way around?”

henry rarely responded with malice; each action was carefully devised and, in conjunction, quite merciless. in this case, he dropped his hand from the vee of your legs and tugged at his shirt collar. the emptiness was startling, as was the feeling of tension that coiled tightly in your gut. then, he grabbed his drink and sipped from the sparkling glass. petty revenge, something he always assured was beneath him.

sensing defeat, you decided to placate him. after a dramatic roll of your eyes, you slipped onto the ground and knelt.

“henry,” you began, and reached for the fly of his pants. the outline of his cock was obvious beneath the smooth fabric, thick and promising, “home ruler,” in one instance of drunken curiosity, the lot of you agonized the meaning of your names, that perhaps they, somehow, unknowingly dictated your fate, “unwilling to shed his crown. is the head not heavy? most kings lost theirs, you know.”

“flattery doesn’t suit you.”

“folly, then,” you replied, dragging the flat of your palm across his groin and taking pleasure in the strained hiss, “are you going to let me do as i please?”

“i think that is,” at the peak of his inhale, you reached into his trousers and curled your fingers around his stiff cock, “quite apparent.”

you grinned, lazy but triumphant, thumbing the blunt ridge. smudging the dribble of white at the leaking head and reveling in his restrained reactions: the minute tremors, the twitch of his jaw, a gasp caught in his throat. you would have kissed him, again. his face might’ve twitched, something uncontrollable that would’ve given away his longing, if only he hadn’t pushed it down.

with a slow pump, your hand traveled. the size was admirable, familiar, nearly to the point of nostalgia. henry had touched more parts of your body than some of the lovers you took as an earnest attempt for passion. you had begged him once, half-gone, half-wild with what you thought was need and impatience, to only fuck you – without his clever mouth and his careful hands, but he hadn’t said yes, no, had only grabbed your jaw and pressed a sucking kiss to the soft and sensitive skin beneath your ear. a promise, almost. and in a way, it had been.

“you remember?”

henry’s voice snapped you to attention, and when you looked up, his expression matched his darkened eyes, intense. something flared hot and needy in you, and with it, the desire to be open and dripping for him. he curled a hand in the small hairs on the back of your neck, stroking the skin there and, even briefly, allowed himself an indulgence in the pleasure he could get from a single touch, and rocked his hips.

“vividly,” you told him.

the flames, behind you, cast him entirely in silhouette, and his shadow projected forward and rose tall, stretched. a ruler, indeed.

his chest moved slow and purposefully, and when he released your hair, the lack of contact felt like a shock to the system. his hand closed around your forearm, “come here.”

the tone, hoarse and hushed and so quietly demanding, startled you, and you stood up so quickly that your head spun. henry placed his hands on your hips, steadying, ushering you back to where you belonged.

“just there.”

legs, parted, framing his waist. fabric, bunched between your thighs. breathing, slowed. a firm, calming weight, pinning you down. the firelight glinted in his eyes.

“henry,” you called. and the only thing to signal his movement was a bob of his adam’s apple. the cufflinks of his sleeves swayed and flickered. he hummed, neither affirmation nor disagreement and entered you with a grunt.

more. skin flushed. eyes crinkled and tightened. more. nails curled and scrabbled for purchase.

there, your name on his lips. it was disorienting – not so much a cry, or a whisper, but something between the two. henry always spoke carefully, as though each word should carry the most weight, so each syllable, in turn, he would construct and cut, meticulous and mathematical. but here, breathless and wanting, they rolled out in a steady litany, never faltering.

all fire and scorching, the pitch of it high and needy. to thrust and bruise, the idea fizzed bright and brilliant at the apex of your spine. with each snap of his hips, a part of him carved a piece of you out, and each ragged noise shook loose a piece of your skin. it would fit him perfectly. then he would slide right into those hollow spaces that swelled and throbbed, expanding beyond tolerance. in moments like these, you loved him – his body, his touch, his face, everything that could not be articulated.

“please,” you begged him, trying to curl around the ache, “i want-”

“i know, i know,” he murmured, with a tilt of his head. his hair, you noticed, had lost its immaculate shape, wild and frazzled by your fingers. your heart swelled and contracted: you wanted to do it again, over and over until his whole countenance resembled nothing more than that of a ravaged man. your power, the only thing you had over him. henry closed his eyes.

“spread your legs a little wider,”

a moan slipped when his tongue flicked and curled against the side of your neck, wet and sloppy. the sweet roll of his hips, his fingers pulling at the buttons of your attire and squeezing the fleshy swell of your buttocks. it was always too much.

you licked your lip, shaking when his teeth gently pinched. and, for a moment, the smell of pine permeated the room. as though it were his own sweat and the heady musk of his natural scent, and not a waning bottle of cologne.

“hold onto me,” henry whispered and allowed for nothing more, driving the movement out of your hands. the tempo spiraled upward. at the center, the tension was building. there was a moment of vertigo.

and it was easy enough, as things had always been between the two of you, to ignore the disjointed voices in the back of your mind. how when you two first kissed, it’d been without grace. how the rain fell, trickled, all around you, drowning the dryness in your throat. how the next day, he asked if you would regret what you’d done. and here, now, a different but striking feeling: the warm haze brought on by alcohol, his palms were hot, slick with sweat, his belt digging into you.

henry grunted and swore to a god neither of you had put much faith in. the flush on his cheeks was impossible not to reach out and touch, his eyebrow scarred with the same sort of smooth texture and fading red, his lashes, long and fine, flickering against the high edge of his cheekbones. i love you, you wanted to tell him, but the high struck you ruthlessly, turning you to liquid.

in the aftermath of this brief paradise, you shared a look.

“i still despise this weather,” you said.

henry’s mouth quirked. and what had been the impulsive dalliances of two desperate people became, once more, two lonely creatures with enough distance between to fill one of henry’s beloved epics. the quiet, in the wake of catharsis, was rather terrifying, and the clatter outside – the rain, the wind, and the cold – almost accusatory. he offered you a cigarette.

you took it without thank you and let him light it.

“should i drive you home?” he offered, voice raspy. his shirt had wrinkles and his collar sat funny. the skin beneath was pink, and there was the barest mark where you had sunk your teeth or dug a nail too hard. you bit the end of the filter, watching the flame waver before rising into ash.

“you’re drunk,” it felt necessary to remind him, though it never stopped him.

“do you want me to drive you home?” he asked again. a long pull and a thin veil of smoke.

“yes,” you said, “i’ll go wake bunny.”

“no,”

“no?”

“stop it.”

“stop what?”

“speaking of him,”

“has he done something?”

silence.

“henry?”

“leave it,” he said, but his tone was tight.

“alright. i’ll get my coat, then,”

“of course,” he murmured, standing slowly. you shouldn’t have seen him put his hand against the wall to steady himself, as though any drunken spell had fled, and with it, his equilibrium. the movement was both conscious and contrived, a fact of necessity, and not like the rest of him, braced by his surroundings and firm in stature. a self-constructed illusion, designed to project a set of attributes meant to create the atmosphere of authority. he embodied it well, but he was still, stripped of the mythos, simply human.

you watched him settle and raise his head with a gentle exhale. a mere lift of his shoulders, and he resembled a man in control, content, satisfied – everything henry was, and yet, within the façade, you could see the truth of his discomfort, recently, and without fault, brought upon by an uttered name.

in the upcoming months, you would understand and wonder if there was something you could have done or said to warn him of a future that was inevitable. no matter how many nights you had spent distressing over this question, the answer would always make itself obvious.

there was nothing you could have ever done.

thank you for reading !

#dark academia #the secret history #tsh #henry winter #henry winter x reader #henry x reader #henry winter smut #imagine #imagines #one shot #i always wanted to write smth for henry my beloved always and forever he did nothing wrong #💌 october #happy dark academia season everyone!#da

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sungbeam · 10 months ago

Text

yours, mine, & everything in between

kim hongjoong x gn!reader (no prns mentioned)

0.7k words, fluff, est. relationship au, one kiss, darling petname used — some things hongjoong thinks about when he's finally home (in your arms).

a/n: im trying to figure out if i like the normal text as the title ,,, anyways, sorry this one's so short T-T

Kim Hongjoong fought to keep his eyes awake. The light flooding into the darkened bedroom from the en suite bathroom helped him force them open, but it was all to watch with warm tenderness the view before him.

Your back was to him as you sat at the vanity mirror you both shared in the bathroom, a low hum flowing from your lips like a siren song. An old shirt of his hung off your frame, the collar stretched and warped from thorough wash and wear, the light teal color faded.

He couldn't remember when it happened—when this image had become the thing he associated with the word "home."

Although a workaholic, he could never compare an all nighter to sleeping by your side, to watching yourself unwind and disassemble your carefully crafted walls to be with him. You could be bare with him in a way that didn't mean physically. And in his drowsy state, the light from the bathroom haloed around you to make you look even more divine.

How'd he get so lucky?

When you finally finished your nightly routine, you quietly stood from the vanity stool and closed the bathroom lights. Your footsteps were light as you padded across the bedroom floor to slowly sink down onto the bed beside him.

Eyes not yet adjusted to the dark, Hongjoong let his eyelids flutter shut at the feeling of your fingers caressing his cheek. “You should be sleeping,” you whispered to him as he leaned into your touch.

He hummed, taking your hand to pull you under the covers with him to wrap you up in his embrace. “Not without you,” he murmured into the familiar scent clinging to your skin.

Something like contentment settled in the pit of his stomach when he realized why the smell was so familiar. It was the notes of sandalwood and bergamot—the body wash he'd been using since college. You smelled like him.

He felt your nose nudge at his pulse, his heartbeat steady and calm and comforted. “Mmm, so this is where all my body wash has gone,” you mused lowly after recognizing the familiar smells of your own soap lingering on his pretty neck and collarbone.

Hongjoong gave you a sleepy smile in the dark. “I couldn't help myself,” he admitted with a bite of his lip. “You used my body wash though. An eye for an eye.”

“So you're saying that if I stole a kiss, you would steal one back?”

A chuckle fell from his lips; his pulse leaped against your mouth. “Now where is this coming from, darling?”

“'m just saying what's on my mind, Joong,” you teased.

He slowly rolled your entwined bodies over so he could hover above you, hands bracketed around your head as he gazed down at you with an amount of love that could not be mistaken for anything else in the world. You didn't need any light in this room to know how much of it was here and all yours.

“I'm going to steal that kiss back now,” he murmured, his voice low, mouth practically already lowered over your own.

You would let him steal that kiss from you, just as you'd let him walk right into your ribcage to steal your heart, too. What was yours was his, and what was his was yours.

Hongjoong pressed his lips to yours, gentle and soft. There was no rush to his movements that were languid and drawn—you and he had all the time in the world like this. It didn't matter that he had a long day; all that mattered was that he could be with you at the end of it.

When he pulled away, he didn't go far. He stayed where your breaths could be shared and your noses could still nudge the other, where he could still smell himself on you and wonder if the sandalwood and bergamot would linger long enough for you to wear him to work the next day.

Exhaustion wore at his bones and he settled over top of your body with his face tucked into the crook of your neck, a perfect fit. “This is nice,” he sighed as his arms wrapped around you once more, legs entangled between the sheets.

Your hand was gentle as it carded through his hair. “It is,” you murmured. “I'm happy you're home.”

His heart gave a leap of emotion in his chest, his eyes falling closed. “Me too.”

a/n: pls remember to reblog + comment if u enjoyed!

atz m.list

permanent taglist: @flwoie @vatterie @seomisaho @hqrana @ja4hyvn @outrologist @rikizm @luumiinaa @tinkerbell460 @meosjinn @hyunjaespresent-deobi @stayarmytinyzenmoa-l @floatingpluto @gyulfriend @jaehunnyy @shakalakaboomboo @soonyoungblr @justanotherkpopstanlol @kangfication @pxppxrminty @fluorescentloves @haechansbbg @jaerisdiction @super-btstrash-posts @jundundun @http-gyu @mvvnsseul @mars101 @synthwxve @atzhouse

#atzhouse #ateez x reader #kim hongjoong x reader #hongjoong x reader #ateez fluff #hongjoong fluff #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez drabbles #ateez oneshot #hongjoong scenarios #hongjoong imagines #hongjoong oneshot #hongjoong drabble

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blakeswritingimagines · 11 months ago

Text

When They Realized They Loved You

Aegon: He was never much of a romantic. It takes more than a few flowers and well-chosen words to charm his heart. But when you met in the godswood, there was an instant connection, like you'd known each other for years. Your laugh, your smile, your wit, they all sparked a fire inside him that was unlike anything he had ever felt before. Your presence filled his heart with such joy and when you looked at him with those eyes, he was transfixed. He knew then, without a doubt, that you were the one.

Aemond: There was never a specific moment when he realized he was in love with you. It was more like a gradual process. He began to feel a strong connection to you and began to care deeply for you in ways he had never before experienced. Each time you spent together only solidified these feelings. It was after your first kiss that he began to fully realize the depth of his feelings.

Jacaerys: You are a wonderful person who is both beautiful and kind. He fell in love the moment your eyes met. The way you smiled and made him feel comfortable. He can't ever explain it properly, but you made him feel something he had never felt before. It was like his heart was bursting with joy just from your presence.

Lucerys: It was love at first sight. He knew right away that you were meant for each other. It was a feeling of warmth and comfort that he had never experienced before. The more time you spent together, the deeper your bond grew. He was completely overwhelmed by your beauty and charm.

Rhaenyra: It was during a hunt in the Kingswood. After having killed two stags, you found yourselves alone in a clearing. She noticed for the first time how beautiful you were, with the sun shining off your angelic presence almost as if casting a halo over your head. The next thing she knew you were kissing each other.

Daemon: When he first saw you across the crowded ballroom of the Red Keep. You had a glow that seemed to draw him, a glimmer in your eyes that would enchant a fool but he knew you would be his one day. Every inch of you seemed perfect, your supple flesh, your gentle touch, your voice that could melt steel. He knew that he had to have you.

Alicent: When she first laid her eyes upon you. You were the most beautiful person she had ever seen, and your personality made you even more attractive. Your intelligence, your humor, your kindness, and your strength of character. She was instantly drawn to you and knew you were the one for her.

Helena: It was the way you looked at her, the way you spoke to her. It was like everything else disappeared the moment she was with you. Whenever she was with you all the chaos of the world faded away, and all that remained was you both. It was as if she could feel your soul reaching out to her own, and your hearts beating together as one.

Harwin: It was love at first sight. From the moment your eyes met, he could not help but feel a burning in his chest. A feeling of warmth and connection that he had never experienced before. You exchanged glances across the room, and your hearts were quickly intertwined, entwined in a way that neither of you could escape. He knew then and there that he had found his partner for life.

Cregan: As soon as he saw you. He was amazed by your beauty. You were so delicate and graceful, yet fierce and strong. Your eyes were like two shining jewels, and your smile was the warmest thing he had ever seen. When he held you in his arms, he knew that you were the one for him.

Criston: He realized when he couldn’t imagine a day without being within your proximity. When every moment he is not with you is spent yearning for your touch, your voice, your smile. You are the sun in his sky and without you, darkness seems to swallow his world.

#aegon targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen x reader #jacaerys velaryon x reader #lucerys velaryon x reader #rhaenyra targaryen x reader #daemon targaryen smut #alicent hightower x reader #helena targaryen x reader #harwin strong x reader #criston cole x reader #house of the dragon #hotd x reader #hotd fanfic #hotd

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lowkeyren · 7 months ago

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forbidden love ft. sunday x stowaway reader… real???/

you are a stowaway that entered penacony through unconventional means after escaping your homeland.

so what happens when you wander through the streets of golden hour, awed and gawking at the scenery —bump into a young man with wings on the sides of his head, as well as a halo behind him. who knew the family welcomed angels as their guests? (not like you know who they invite anyway)

you take a liking to him immediately; he's the definition of a gentleman, apologizing graciously despite it being you who ran into him.

"are you alright?" his voice gentle as you nod in response, words momentarily failing as you take in his elegant poise. he offers to show you around, and you eagerly accept, finding a strange comfort in his presence. as you stroll side by side, you notice how he interacts with others, receiving praises and unfailing respect. it's evident that people hold him in high regard, gathering admiration from those around him.

as you spend more time together; sunday finds himself drawn to you in ways he can’t explain, your laughter was like music to his ears, and your smile lighting up even the darkest corners of his soul. he gradually finds himself seeking out your presence more and more, falling deeper in love with each passing day.

it's true that he can’t shake the feeling that there was more to you than meets the eye, you've always had an aura that seems oddly out of place, and you never fail to change the subject when the conversation happens to be about you.

but deep down, though sunday refuses to come to terms to— the moment his gaze first fell upon you, he already knew the truth. you are a stowaway, an unauthorized outsider in the midst. and yet, strangely enough, it only makes him more infatuated with you.

he watches you from a distance, intoxicated by your every movement. and despite the rational voice in his mind urging him to step back, he can’t bring himself to pull away. every second is consumed by the overwhelming desire to be near you, to bask in the warmth of your presence, leaving him utterly and completely entranced by the mere thought of you.

of course you notice his discreet glances, perhaps as to not embarrass him, you don't call him out. but you know this is wrong; you shouldn't be here, let alone get involved with the head of the oak family. but the way he easily sweeps you off your feet has you falling harder and harder, leaving you breathless and unable to deny your growing feelings any longer.

the looming consequences is evident in every way possible, but none of that matters.

for in his arms, you found a love worth fighting for, a love that filled the empty spaces in your heart with warmth; and in your embrace, he found a love worth risking everything for, a love that he would protect with every fiber of his being.

༊*·˚

all hail sunday 🙏🏻🙏🏻

if you saw this before, no u didn't!!! (repost cus it wasn't showing up in tags..)

masterlist

#✧renthinks!#hsr x reader #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail #hsr fanfic #hsr x you #honkai star rail x you #honkai starrail x reader #hsr imagines #honkai starrail #sunday hsr #sunday x you #sunday x reader #hsr sunday x reader #sunday honkai star rail #hsr scenarios

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icarusredwings · 5 months ago

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Thinking about Logan adjusting to this new timeline, becoming sober, and Wade somehow finding Logan's dog tags. ~4k words.

(Tw: Logan's a depressed recovering alcoholic with survivor guilt, unofficial proposal, canon usual implied sex jokes, Logan tries to flirt but fails)

To my wife. Who's halo lit up my dark life to see just how many doors were available to me when I couldn't see them myself<3

He offers him his to wear as a cutesie matching necklace type of thing but Logan is hesitant to take them, scared of what will come of it. He does it anyway though because he sees how happy Wade is wearing his.

What he refuses to tell him though is that just hearing the tags jingle makes him jump, flinch, his heart rate rises, and his mind floods with scenes he's worked so hard draining every bar he could find dry just so he could forget.

For me, I, too, am a man with deeply rooted animal instincts and was raised to behave like an obedient pet instead of the animal they made me.

An animal trained to take orders. A soldier without his post is miserable and constantly is either trying to find it again or defend himself from ever having to go back to a post to begin with.

You aren't good enough for them if you obey what they say and excel past the standards. But you aren't good enough if you question their authority and make choices for yourself either. Hoizer comes to mind.

Running with the bulls

Working my miracles

Holding my world together with a boot string

His night terrors are worse, more frequent, constantly a battle between wanting to protect and defend the less fortunate to saying, 'No, I'm done with that. It's none of my business, It’s someone else's problem now.'

He wakes up screaming, claws drawn, every possible sense he has to run activated, panting, gasping almost for air. He's panting, heaving deep but quick breaths, all of the hairs on his arms raised like a cat who just heard a dog barking after having gotten attacked as a kitten.

Living the dream

Benzos and gasoline

Coffee and blue light screens till the morning

He wakes to the sunlight in his face, gets up, stretches, takes his Valium. Eats some toast, calls it breakfast, gets dressed for his weekly AA meeting. The moment he steps inside it smells like Gasoline. Sweet honey scented lies that he hates to admit that he knew all too well. ‘It was only one’ ‘I asked for a virgin one but they brought me the wrong one’ ‘I'm trying, I really am..it's just.. hard’ He's heard them all before but the last one he could relate to the most.

Coming home at night, Logan puts his face into the back of his partner's neck, hugging him from behind as he offers to watch a cowboy movie marathon with him. He barely eats, only taking what Wade gives him or shoves in his mouth like the now spilled popcorn that was all over the ground, His boyfriend sprawled out on the couch while the “Dvd” bounces back and forth on the blue screen.

Wade never likes it but recently he's been drinking coffee at night, pacing back and forth as he searched online for a job. Kept himself far from the nightmares that were trying to catch up with him.

If I tell you this is drowning

You tell me I'm walking on water

I could bring fire from the mountain

You tell me it feels a little colder

Everyone was telling him how good he was doing, how well he was adjusting, how happy they were that he was here and yet.. He didn't feel like he deserved it. Any of it. Not the second chance, not the love and support of all his new family, not the affection from the man who whispered how proud of him he was each night..

It doesn't help his mental status when multiple jobs reject him either. Interviews don't exactly go that well when you have claws for hands and a reputation for having a temper.

“I'm sorry we're looking for someone with more… experience.. in this field. You need an entry level job.”

“Woah dude! You are WAY too qualified to be working here! you should try looking for something higher up, yeah?”

“I'm sorry. You're too much of a liability.”

“Oh my god- You're the Wolverine!”

“Yes.. but uhm.. No.. I'm just Logan now.”

“Wait, why are you applying here? This is a cashier position.”

“I'm aware..”

“Aren't you like… an X-men?”

“N-no… not anymore.”

“Oh… Did they fire you?”

“I quit.”

“Why?”

“Are.. these questions part of the interview?”

What kind of man was he if he couldn't even get a damn job at McDonald's? It felt useless. Like everybody wanted something different from him, but no one was happy either way. Never pleased with his resume or his reputation. You would think being an ex X-man would make it easy. Of course someone would want to hire a superhero? Right? Wrong.

I don't wanna

Choose between being a salesman or a soldier

Just let me look a little older

It seemed everyone wanted him to rejoin the X-men and as much as he missed that mansion upstate, it wasn't his. So many times he's been told stories about himself that he didn't even remember …well.. because it wasn't him. They wanted The Wolverine.

Their Wolverine.

Not Logan.

There was always that spot at the dealership with Peter. Now that Wade was back on his role with mercenary stuff and doing more “Favors” with Colossus, Negasonic and Yukio, that position was open. Part of him- No. Scratch that. All of him was happy for Wade. He seemed to be enjoying life so much more now that he felt he had purpose. But what was his purpose? Selling cars?? Definitely not. Even if it was, they were looking for something else anyway.

“It says here that you are 286 years old. Is that a typo?”

“Oh- uhm… No..”

“I see…Well we are currently looking for someone… younger.. to fill that spot. Sorry.”

But they were never actually sorry. He could smell it.

Coming home from the failed hunt, he felt like an older lion losing its pride to a younger male lion. Well- if lions could develop arthritis in their knees and hands. Once a day he'd pop out his claws, just to keep them ready though he felt like he hadn't used them in such a long time… Maybe he really was turning into an old house cat like wade said.

Sitting in their shared bedroom, he was grumbling to himself, grunting as he tried to get his claw unstuck. This wasn't the first time they locked up and he feared it wasn't the last either.

He snapped his head up at the sound of tags. Around the corner came who he expected, Wade, quickly hiding his hand under the blanket. Coming in, his eyes widened.

“Woah wolvie! Without me? Really? I would have gladly done it for you.”

At first Logan wanted to thank him for offering to help before quickly realizing that from how his hand was under the blanket, it did look suspiciously like adult alone time.

“T-that's not… no.”

“M'kaay. If you say sooo~”

“H-how uhm.. How was work?”

Watching as he began to grab shower clothes and take off his mask, He smiled.

“Oh you know! Watching the life drain from peoples eyes and what not as they beg for their life! The usual.”

“Oh.. that's.. fun?”

“Extremely liberating stuff.”

Watching as he began to strip, He swallowed, wishing he'd leave already so he could finish shoving the claw back into his skin.

Let me step a little bolder

I don't wanna

Choose between being a butcher or a pauper

“You wanna take a shower with me?” He asked, Beginning to walk around butt naked in nothing but his tags.

“U-uhm… No. No thanks, I had one this morning.”

“D'awwww what? Worried i'll see your peanuts? News flash baby, I've had those things down my throat! And I will say. They're better salty anyways~”

All this teasing changed his monotone face into a small goofy smile as he came close, crawling up into his lap, taking hold of his cheeks as he kissed his nose.

“What's wrong? Did you not get the job?”

He was so envious of how he could say such dirty things. Wade was so confident and yet so shy about his face. It made him think of when he was that confident in himself too. (Probably overly confident if we're being honest) Oh that was so many years ago… he'd never get that back. And honestly? He wasn't sure if he wanted to.

Logan said nothing but it was all the answer wade needed.

“I see. Well you'll get’em next time, Right?”

He looked away. Ashamed. Here Wade was, being overly supportive, giving him everything, and still he couldn't find a single happy bone in his body.

Shifting his leg to reassure him more, His knee was placed on the claw, yipping. “Ouch!”

“Sorry! I… I can't.. i-it won't..”

And on top of all that, he just hurt him. Man he sucked at this. All of it. Every little bit of it.

Pulling his hand away, Logan's eyes looked over Wade just as quick as it happened, Trying to see if he was bleeding only to jolt.

“Hey- shh.. Calm down. You're alright.” Grabbing his wrist, he carefully moved the tags that had gotten stuck on the claw.

“What's got you all riled up, Kitty? The interview couldn't have been that bad.”

But what he didn't know is that it WAS that bad.

Instantly Logan broke down, breaking heavily as he began to sob, gritting his teeth as he put his non-stuck hand on his face, wanting to hide. He felt pathetic. Useless. Weak. All of the things he fought not to be.

“Ooh, Honey come her-” Wade reached a hand out, trying to console him only to be shoved away.

“Don't!! I-.. I'm tired of hurting people! That's not who I want to be!”

“Baby cakes, it was an accident-”

“No!! Eveyone wants the Wolverine until the fucking wolverine is actually acting like the Wolverine!” He shouted, trying not to choke on his own tears.

Tilting his head, Wade blinked as if he wasn't aware of what he was talking about, but why would he? Logan hasn't told him anything negative for the past 2 weeks. Keeping it all bottled up, trying to push it deep down but that wasn't him. He couldn't handle it anymore.

“Everyone just keeps saying I should join the X-men again and i-” Wilson put his hands on his shoulders, looking at him with the most serious he has ever been in his entire life.

“Logan, If that's what you want we'll make it work. It's only an hour drive, and i'm sure I could visi-”

“Wade!! Shut. Up! I don't…” He trailed off, shaking his head as he began to apologize, whispering he was sorry for yelling at him.

“I-it's not your fault.. I.. I don't..”

Wade was patient, Nodding, encouraging him to open up with his words. He knew when it was time to zip it and let him talk. Now was one of those times. It was his turn to listen.

“I don't want to fight anymore. I didn't want to fight to begin with but… It's the only thing I'm good at. I'm not good at anything else.. My whole life I've just been jumping team after team and they all eventually die or I just get kicked out for not understanding the power of team work or whatever. Hell, I've been through three different wars and every single time I ran away! Like a damn dog with its tail between its legs! All except the times I was TOLD to run and I didn't. Fuck, Wade! 3 fucking wars and I can't even take orders right!!”

Honey, I'm taking no orders

Gonna be nobody’s soldier

It was now Wade's turn to try to stifle a laugh, snorting as he covered his mouth.

“What's so fucking funny?! That your boyfriend is a sad pathetic loser who can't even get his hands to listen to him!?”

Now he burst out laughing, starting to giggle.

“You're over here talking about not being able to take orders and not being good enough for a team while talking to the same guy who can't even GET on a team and was kicked out of Canadian special forces because I didn't listen to a single thing they said! And you think I care if you ‘can't take orders’ ??” He said this last part in a mocking tone, trying hard to be serious but couldn't.

Logan's eyebrows scrunched with a skeptical glare, tears still dripping down his face, feeling embarrassed and stupid.

Cupping his face again, Wade smiled ear to ear, their foreheads together. “You're much dumber than the comics make you out to be if you think I'd care about anything like that. You honestly think I'd care if you don't want to be anyone's soldier? Why do you think I'm my own boss? The world isn't built for guys like us, baby. And if you wanna open a coffee shop or- pursue your dreams of photography, or hell! Even bird watching for all I care, I will still love you. We will make it work. No matter what you choose to do. Even if you don't get a job at all. Do you understand?”

The man started into his eyes, seemingly frozen as he processed all that he said.

“Logan..”

“Hm?”

“You gotta nod hon, we've talked about this.”

Slowly nodding, indicating that he understood, the tears got thicker as he pulled himself into Wade's shoulder, sobbing more.

“Oooh There there… There's my big strong man..” Wrapping his arms around him, he was careful of the single knife still out. Sitting him up, he rubbed the side of his face as he kissed the other cheek, only to gasp.

“GAASSSPP!! Peanut!”

“What!?” His grip tightened around his waist as he looked around urgently, immediately sniffling and starting to wipe his eyes.

“You're getting greys!” He coed, reaching up to pluck a single gray hair from the beast, who flinched. “Ouch..”

Leaning back, Wade held the hair in front of his face, His smile still wider than ever.

“You're turning into A silver fox, wolvie!”

“W-what?”

“Ooh I bet you're gonna be so handsome! Eehh!” Hugging him again, tight around his neck.

Blushing, He wasn't sure what had just happened. How him venting and crying out of the rage he felt to Wade fangirling over one of his single hairs.. though.. I guess it made sense for your bald boyfriend to monitor yours. Wade has even made him start using a fancy shampoo that made his hair a lot softer, curlier, and Less greasy.

“.. you..You're excited that i'm getting old..??”

“Duh! I've always wanted to be a hot silver daddy's sugar baby!”

“What does that even mean?”

“Don't worry about it- Oh hey look! Your claw went back in.”

Looking at his hand, he made a fist and opened it a couple of times, blinking, oblivious. “...How did you do that?”

But what he didn't realize is that the stress was flowing out of him, and the relief that Wade seemed to be obsessed with him no matter what had calmed him down enough for it to slide back in itself.

“I didn't do anything, sweetheart. You opened up. Let it out. All that stress isn't good for you, you know. How do you think I ended up looking like this?” He joked, giggling.

For some reason, He laughed too, finding this a bit funny.

“Do you feel better? Hm?”

“Nngh..”

“I'll take that as a yes.” The naked man whispers, kissing him with his arms lazily on his shoulders, glad that he was able to cry in front of him. Twas a very manly thing to do and there was no one more manly than the Wolverine himself.

“Alright. I'm gonna go shower. I stink worse than you do after being out in the rain.” You know, wet dog and all. Pulling away, there was a clang and a tug at both of their necks, the tags becoming stuck together, making wade smirk more. “I think these tags don't want me to go.”

Quickly frowning, Logan swallowed, moving to take his off, pulling up his hand as he held it, putting the tag inside of it, closing his fingers.

“Wha..I-... what are you doing?”

“Wade.. I..” He sighs, looking away with a nervous pout, Grunting a bit from frustration. Why did words have to be so difficult?

“Are you breaking up with me?!”

“What!? No! I-.. I don't..”

See what Logan didn't know was that Wade had viewed these as promise rings, the equivalent of engagement even but he was okay with never actually getting married. As long as he got to wear the dress in his closet and dance with him he wouldn't mind if it was legal or not. He understood fully that not everyone wanted to marry the stage 4 cancer patient whose skin looked like turkey bacon that was somehow raw and burnt at the same time.

“You don't what? Do you.. want something else? We can get rings! Do you want rings?” shifting to sit closer to him, Wade was obviously becoming upset about this, untangling the tags and looking at him with those big brown puppy eyes.

“Rings…?”

He could see the gears in his head trying their best to turn as he thought what he meant.

“How would we make them into rings?” He finally asks and to Wade, this was basically a proposal.

Sitting up more he began clapping excitedly the same way he did when seeing puppins again about 8 months ago. “Eeh!! Yes!!”

His head turns, Giggling. “I would've taken it in front of the subway like Sanda Bullock but this works too!”

Logan, like a dumb ass, looked too, knowing full well he wouldn't see anyone but still always looked anyway. “Who??”

“Oh I'll show you later! What size are you?”

“In rings?”

“No, your cock, Of course in rings!”

“Hey now- I never agreed to a cock ring, Wade. No.”

The serious tone and the way he pointed his finger at him made him laugh more, taking his hand as he kissed it. “We'll figure it out. Okay so after my shower, I'll call a guy I know. I think Forge would do a much better job but I feel like he'd say no.” He began rambling about how cute they would be and how excited he was, climbing off of his lap (finally) and started to walk off.

“W-wade!” He called, swallowing again, nervous to ask him to listen.

“What? You wanna come shower?”

“No- well.. maybe but..”

Again he waited, rocking back and forth on his heels, trying his best to be patient but it was hard not talking for 0.5 seconds.

“It's not that.. I don't like them. It's just.. I got those a long long time ago.. and I don't want to be the man those belonged to. Not anymore. And it's not that I don't think about rejoining all the time, it's just.. I want to live my life the way I want too. Charles always said that at the end, we'd get to live how we deserve. That's my time. My time is now. I want to sit on a porch somewhere out west and watch the horses graze. I wanna sit around doing nothing with Puppins in my arms. I want… I want to be with.. with you.”

He admitted, and for once Wade was the one speechless.

“I don't want you to visit. I want to live with you. But not here. I want to go somewhere quieter. Somewhere I can just be.. Logan..”

Putting a hand on his chest as he explained, he didn't see his smile move, not a smidge, watching as he bit his lip and covered his mouth trying to stay quiet until he was done.

“Of course I still want to help people though! Protect them from other worse people… I'm just tired of being someone's toy soldier all the time. I want to do what I think is right but.. also have time to listen to you sing when cooking and take Puppins to the dog park. I want to protect..Us.” Yeah. That felt right. Us. Both of them, all of them. Together. His family.

“B-besides.. If I became an X-men again I don't think I could do it. I could barely sleep back then thinking about all the screams.. the people I couldn't help. I don't think I would be able to get over the fact that I can't save everyone… But I definitely want to try to at least save a few people. Take care of them… all of them. Even if they don't think they need help.” He smiled a bit, taking a huge breath as the stress was relieved from his shoulders.

“Alright you can talk now because I'm never doing that ever again, that was super embarrassing.” He muttered, flushed as he looked down at his lap.

The second he gave him permission to speak, Wade screamed, a scream that made Logan's eyes widen and look at him with a slow blink. “....what was tha-”

Immediately he was pulled up from the bed, picked up and squeezed tightly as he jumped around. Grunting some, he held on tight, feeling a little nauseous. Sometimes it was easy to forget how strong he was.

Still screaming, Wade was extremely excited about all that was just said, Logan admitting that he wanted a serious future with him was a lot better news than he could have ever wished for.

“Put me down!... Wade!... I'm gonna throw up!” He said, whining that he was given uppies non consensually. Even he couldn't help but laugh though in response to his giggles. God that laugh was so annoying and yet his world would feel pointless without it.

Putting him down, Wilson grabs his cheeks, petting his beard. “Ooh Logan.. I don't need protection.. because I can't get pregnant. But if I ever find out that I can, I'll definitely hire you.” He jokes, causing more blushes as his hand comes up to Wades, nuzzling into it for a moment.

“You know what I mean…”

“I do. And while I won't stop you, how about you be your own soldier for a bit? Tell yourself how to live. Not anyone else. And i'll be behind you, wearing a shirt with your ugly mug on it, supporting you the whole way. Got it?”

“Aye! I'm not ugly!”

“No you are not! I've barely been home for 20 minutes and am already so wet. I haven't even taken a shower yet “ he mumbles casually as he begins walking away.

“Heh.. Hey…erm Wade?”

“Yes, love?” Just about to leave the room, he turns, smiling gently at how talkative his fiancé was.

Logan blushes more. “I uhm.. If I'm nobody's soldier… can your name be nobody?”

Wade looks confused at first, now it's his turn to figure out what he was saying.

“Cause.. if your name is nobody then i'd be.. nevermind.” Waving A hand, he glanced at his shoes, stuffing his hands in his pocket having just fumbled that line completely.

Within seconds, Wade was back in that room, giving him the sloppiest, deepest kiss that was available, kissing him all over.

“Oh Logie! You're so sweet! But leave the flirting to me, mkay? I don't need you throwing your back out trying too hard.” He pats his chest, grabbing his hand as Wade drug him by the wrist.

They both laugh as they enter the bathroom, closing the door with a click.

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