#neurological whump

[weirdstrangeandawful]

TW: medical

So I got tentatively diagnosed with FND/conversion disorder last week which, to be honest, wasn’t unexpected since I’ve had many seizure-like episodes which are very likely psychogenic non-epileptic seizures. I also had an appointment with my surgeon today wherein she told me to ask my neurologist about how a relatively routine pelvic/abdominal surgery rendered me unable to walk for weeks.

If anyone has or knows about FND, do you know if it’s a symptom to just… be unable to walk sometimes? It kinda feels like my brain’s connection to my legs buffers occasionally like a video on a slow internet connection.

[faofinn]

No. 29 WHAT DOESN’T KILL ME…

@whumptober

@whumptober-archive

Sleep Deprivation | Defiance | “Better me than you.”

Steve felt awful for admitting it, but he was glad Harrison was away at uni. He'd felt rough for a few weeks, but the flare had well and truly reached its peak - and of course Harrison was due home that afternoon. 

He loved the kid, he really did, but when he'd not slept in what felt like a year and he was sure his head could explode at any moment, having a grumpy young adult in the house wasn’t his idea of fun. It also meant that he couldn't drive, but he hated the idea of leaving Harrison to make his own way home, so a taxi it was.

He was pleased to see Harrison, and judging by the grin on his son’s face, so was he. Their hug was tight, the pair glad to be back together. Steve’s voice slurred as he checked Harrison over, commenting on his new muscles and bags under his eyes. 

It wasn’t the first time Harrison had seen Steve that way, but it was worrisome nonetheless. He hated seeing him struggle, and he could tell it hadn't just started. 

"Did you call the GP?"

"They're not concerned, and you shouldn't be either, I'm fine. Come on, this is our taxi. The quicker we get sorted, the quicker we can put our feet up."

"I'm starved." Harrison said, clambering into the back seat. "Did you want to get a takeaway? Can you eat?"

“We can get a takeaway.” Steve said, deliberately avoiding Harrison’s question. 

"When did you last eat?"

“I’m fine.”

"Steve."

“Don’t worry about it.” He said.  

"No, you can’t say that. I'm gonna worry about it."

“It’s fine.” He said, rubbing his face. His headache had eased slightly, but now it was back with full force. 

Harrison softened slightly. "Okay."

“Go on, tell me about uni.”

"It's a lot." He admitted. "I always feel like I'm not good enough and drowning in essays and revision. I just want to be ready to help people but we've got to do all the background crap first."

Steve made a quiet noise. He’d hoped Harrison was going to ramble on about how good it was, and he could tune it out. Now he needed to parent. “You’re good enough.”

"My grades are fine, sure, but I don't know. I miss being home."

“You’re always welcome at home.”

"Not when I'm meant to be in lectures."

“But the weekends.” He said, struggling over his words. 

"Maybe I should have come home more." He murmured, looking at Steve. "You're definitely not okay."

“It’s just one of those things.”

"But it's not though, is it?"

“Something I have to live with.”

"But they must be able to help."

“It’s just a flare.”

"And?"

“Can’t do anything.”

"They can't leave you like this! What would you say if it was me?"

“The GP isn’t interested.” He said softly. “And I don’t have a consultant.”

"Then we'll go sit at the doctors until they do care."

“All I need is sleep.”

"That's not going to fix everything!"

“Please, Harrison.” Steve groaned. “I’ve got a headache.”

"I come back from uni and you're like this." He continued, though lowered his voice. "I can't just ignore it."

“At least I’ve got time off work?” 

"That's not the point! I'm worried about you." He stared at his feet. "You're my dad, Steve. I can't lose you."

“I’m not going anywhere.” He said slowly. “A hangover from an old injury, that’s all.”

"You need to stop being so stubborn!" He protested. "You look like you've not slept in a week, and you probably haven't. I bet you've not eaten or even had anything proper to drink in days too. Please, let me try and help."

“You can’t help.” Steve said tiredly. 

"We could go to the doctors, make them do something."

“Let’s just get home.” Steve said, looking out of the window. Surely they were nearly there.

"Steve, please."

They really were close to home, and soon enough the taxi pulled up on the road outside. He paid, and got out carefully. He would’ve helped Harrison with his stuff, but didn’t trust himself to carry it properly, and so just left him to it. He felt bad, but at least they were home now.

Harrison shouldered his bag, then turned to Steve and stuck his arm out. "Hold on to me?"

“I’m fine.” 

"Yeah, you look it." He scoffed.

He huffed, heading to the door. He fumbled with the keys, but eventually got it unlocked and stepped inside, relieved to be home. 

Harrison dumped his stuff by the door, unlike him to do so, but more concerned that Steve wouldn't make it through to the living room. He was more than a little worried about him, but Steve was the most stubborn person he knew. 

"Are you eating?" He asked, hesitating in the doorway. 

“I’ll have some soup.” He said, knowing full well it probably wouldn’t work. 

"When did you last have something proper to eat?"

“It’s fine, not long.”

"Steve, that's not what I asked."

“What day is it today?” He asked quietly, padding into the living room.

"Thursday."

“Uh…”

"More than a week?"

“No, not quite.” He took a long time to think. “Monday? I had something.”

"And drinks? When did you last manage fluids?"

“Remind me why I pushed you to go to medical school?” Steve grumbled. 

"So someone could look after you, apparently." He shot back.

He sighed. “I think I drank something Tuesday? Probably.”

"You've got to be feeling shit."

“Which is why I just want to go to bed.”

Harrison softened. "Go on, then. I'll make you some soup, put some thickener in, yeah?"

Steve pulled a face. “Anything but that fucking thickener.” 

"Do you want to choke?"

“Have you ever eaten that thickened shit?”

"Yeah, it's not that bad."

“It is and you know it.”

"Better than a tube."

Steve hummed. “I don’t know.”

"Alright, then we'll go sit in A&E."

“Fuck off, Hars. I’m tired, I’m going to bed. I’ll try normal soup, I’ll be fine.”

"I just got home and this is what I get? Ouch." He grinned. "Go on, go to bed. I'll bring it up in a few minutes."

“I’m sorry.”

"Don't be." 

“It’s not fair, you’ve only just come home.” He said, but headed upstairs. He really was exhausted, and whilst Harrison fussed, he was glad he was back. It was nice, not to have the house empty. He missed Hars when he was away, despite being so proud of him for what he’d achieved. 

It was almost like knowing his son was home somehow let his body relax a little. His insomnia had been flaring for so long he’d forgotten what good rest felt like, but now he curled up under the duvet and he just felt so heavy. The darkness helped his headache, the blinds drawn. Somehow, god knows how, he fell asleep, his body finally giving into the darkness.

[whumpbump]

Nightmares

Gasping, Whumpee sat up in bed, clutching their chest as if their heart would jump out of it. This was the third time this week, and it was Tuesday. Waiting for their heart rate to settle and their breathing to slow, they hung their feet over the side of their bed and slowly pulled themself up. They poured themself a glass of water and got comfortable in the armchair.

The sun peeked through the blinds and Whumpee woke to the smell of eggs and toast. Jumping up, they realized they’d spent another night in the armchair. Their head was spinning.

Taking a long swig of water, Whumpee hoped their dizziness was attributed to the lack of sleep and water.

Making their way to the kitchen, Whumpee’s headache got worse.

“Hey! I’m making dippy eggs and toast! Are you- uh are you ok?”

Whumpee, now feeling sweaty, headache getting worse, lifted their eyes from the floor to try and meet Caretaker’s but as they did, they fell to the floor, head ping-ponging off the table, chair, and then floor.

Lights. They were in Whumpee’s eyes. Why, why was it so bright?

“-umpee? Whumpee, can you hear me?”

Shading their eyes from the light and trying to sit up, the world spun. They laid back down.

Whumpee’s hand was pulled away from their eyes by the paramedics.

“Let me look in your eyes.”

Their head was killing them. The light did not help. They were woozy and just wanted to sleep.

“Concussion. I’m sure of it. Congratulations my friend, you’ve earned yourself a trip to the ER.”

Whumpee allowed themself to be maneuvered onto the gurney and patiently sat in the emergency room with Caretaker.

Their eyes slipped closed. The lack of sleep and concussion were getting to them. Plus, no one likes fluorescent lights.

As they let sleep overtake them, they were shaken awake by a worried Caretaker.

“The paramedics said I can’t let you sleep until we see what the doctor says.”

Squinting angrily, Whumpee huffed and adjusted their blanket.

Waiting for what seemed like forever, a doctor looking rather rushed, entered the room.

Prodding Whumpee here and there, they checked Whumpee for neurological damage.

“When I rub your arm on this side, does it feel the same on this side?”

“Huh?” Whumpee was needing things to be said slowly and repeated.

“When I run your left arm here, does it feel the same when I rub your right arm in the same spot?”

“Um. I think so?”

The doctor asked so many questions and Whumpee was getting tired.

Turning to Caretaker, the doctor shared their concerns. “Definitely a concussion, I don’t like how tired they are. I think I want to do something imaging.”

Speaking up, Whumpee quietly told the doctor about the nightmares.

Nodding, the doctor asked “How much sleep have you had in the past week?”

Thinking hard, they weren’t able to come up with an answer.

“I can give you something to relax you before you sleep, but you’ve got to sleep to get better.”

Whumpe sighed. They wanted to sleep so bad.

“Can I sleep now?”

“I still want imaging but until we get you there, I’d rather you didn’t. Just to be safe.”

Resigning to their fate of wakefulness, Whumpee rubbed the bump on their head from where they’d hit it on the table.

[i-eat-worlds]

worlds I have a question that's been on my mind. when someone has a concussion (mild enough for them to walk with assistance) and they're taken to a hospital what happens. what do they do to treat it. what tests do they do. i would love to write a scene for it but I don't know the specifics!!

- @seth-whumps

ooooo okay.

Remember folks, I’m not a medical professional, just a nerd. This is not medical advice and could be inaccurate.

Alright, so, for a concussion, the assessment at the hospital would generally include:

-Checking their head, neck, and face for other injuries

-Testing their strength (squeeze my fingers), sensation (is this sharp or dull, any numbness or tingling?), and reflexes (hit their knee with a hammer, blink to threat)

-Checking their pupils to make sure they react to light in the same way, and making sure they have no double vision. Hearing will also be checked, with a tuning fork.

-Balance and gait will be assessed. (Stand on one foot. Walk across the room)

-Making sure they’re orientated (what’s your name, what time is it, where are you, what happened) and checking their memory (giving them three words to remember and then asking them later)

-They might have to complete some puzzles, or order tasks, to test their problems solving and concentration skills.

Normally, they will not get a CT or MRI.

However, the fact that your character needs assistance to walk complicates things. While concussions can affect balance and cause dizziness, if those are so severe that they impair walking, then I would suspect a type of brain bleed called a subarachnoid hemorrhage. Those usually present with a massive headache, along with dizziness, double vision, nausea and vomiting, and more significant neurological changes.

Since your character likely has more than a simple concussion, they’ll probably have to get a CT scan.

[snaillamp]

Do u have any ideas for whump?

So many and not enough time :(

I have a bunch of oc stuff lined up and won’t even bother starting my leader whump stuff again until it’s done. My wips are getting ahead of me and I don’t want any of them to die

If you have a request I can and will write a little short story for you or anyone!

Thanks for the ask these are gonna get me through my neurology lectures :))))))))))))

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Neurological Sci-Fi Whump

- Whumper uses a mind-reading device on Whumpee when they refuse to answer questions and it leaves them with long-term brain fog

- Passing out after making telepathic contact with a vastly-intelligent alien because of being exposed to a flood of images and other information humans aren’t meant to be able to receive (or just because it’s scary) ST: PIC season one, anyone?

- Multiple parasites or demons with conflicting interests take over Whumpee’s mind, making their body contort in ways it should not

- Nausea, headaches, and dizziness caused by low-gravity conditions in space (the brain floats up in the skull, causing pressure to be placed on it). Source

- Concussions in the aforementioned low-gravity environment and all their horrible complications 👀👀👀👀

- Alien Whumpee losing a sense after an injury to an organ (Like Shran when he got his antenna chopped off with a bat’leth; he lost his sense of balance which ended up making him fall and impale his leg on an icicle 😬 god I love Enterprise… so many people got their legs impaled in that djdjdjdjdjskdjdjsk)

- Alien that slowly feeds off the brain, making Whumpee behave more and more erratically until they die (bonus points if everyone around them notices something is Very Wrong… Also consider the possibilities for emotional whump)

[shion-yu]

Ears Ringing

Cliff can't afford his meds and can't keep anything down anymore. My fill for my @badthingshappenbingo space "Ears Ringing." OC work, 2,816 words. TWs parental abuse, emeto, chronic illness whump, detailed hospital descriptions.

For years now. Cliff's neurological symptoms have been all over the place. Sometimes he's eloquent and polite, echoes of his former brilliance shining through. Other times he can't remember the names of simple objects or can't stop crying. Sometimes he walks fine, and then the next day he needs his wheelchair. It's inconsistent, frustratingly so, and Cliff can't stand it.

He's depressed. He knows he's depressed, but he can't do anything about it because he's already taking antidepressants and he's scared if he says anything they'll stick him in the psych ward. Phoenix always used to tell him he was crazy, and Cliff worries he is. He sees shadows in the corners of his eyes all the time and hears people in the apartment that aren't there. One time Elliot catches him with a knife in his hand in the middle of the night hunting for some unknown threat. It's bad, really bad. He's never hallucinated before but he is now nearly every day. It’s getting increasingly difficult for him to tell the difference between what’s real and what’s not.

Bothering other people with his problems is the last thing Cliff wants to do. Elliot's busy writing his album with Alex, Moira’s got her baby and Matt’s in law school. So Cliff's alone a lot of the time, which he doesn’t really mind but sometimes it’s easier for him to pretend everything is fine when he has someone else to pretend for. He dropped out of law school a year ago and he still hasn't figured out an alternative career path. He tutors people online to take the LSAT, which is enough to pay the rent on his tiny condemned apartment, but that's all. He can't take Elliot out and treat him because it seems his parents have washed their hands of him and he can barely keep up with the copays on all his medications. His parents haven't officially disowned him - yet - but when they found out he dropped out of law school they stopped sending him monthly support checks. 

Cliff's started halving his pills to make them last longer, and the first to go completely are the antidepressants and anxiety meds. After that he cuts out the ones that he knows don't necessarily keep him alive, just feeling better: the antiemetics and pain medications. Eventually all the ones that were giving him any sort of quality of life are gone, but he's still sort of okay until he starts running out of his steroids: it's when he starts halving his prednisone that the hallucinations begin.

He's spending more days in bed feeling sick than not at this point. He doesn't leave the apartment and Elliot seems to be getting increasingly worried despite Cliff's best efforts to put on a good show. He's losing weight by the day and he's vomiting nearly everything he eats up. Elliot tries to coax food into him but it's not working. Even Cliff's favorite Japanese and Chinese comfort foods cause him misery, so it's certainly not a matter of taste. At least he saves money not having to buy groceries. 

Cliff had promised Elliot that he'd never hide this stuff from him again back when they broke up. So he doesn't hide it and he never lies, but he tries to sound casual when he answers like it's not a big deal. If Elliot asks, Cliff admits that he's not feeling well, or that he's nauseous. Elliot starts keeping a journal of Cliff's intake and instances of vomiting, then realizes there's no way Cliff's actually retaining any nutrients. He makes Cliff an appointment with a GI specialist, but the wait is four months out. Elliot is worried Cliff can't wait that long and tries to convince Cliff to go to the emergency room, or at least tell his father and see if he'll order some tests, but Cliff refuses. He promised to communicate with Elliot, not anyone else. Lucky for Cliff, Elliot never seems to think to ask him about bills or voices that aren't there. And his dad is drinking again, so Cliff doesn’t bother talking to him.

It comes to a head when Elliot can't get a hold of Cliff. Their relationship is still young despite all of their history, it feels fragile, and Cliff isn't answering his phone. Elliot worries Cliff's withdrawing and doesn't really want to be in a relationship, but he can't bring himself to think that's true so easily. So he breaks into Cliff's apartment for answers and finds Cliff passed out on the bathroom floor soaked in piss and vomit. He doesn’t respond when Elliot shakes him and shouts his name, but at least he’s breathing. Elliot calls 911.

Cliff doesn't wake up on the ambulance ride to the hospital. Elliot's glad for that because he doesn't want how scared he feels to come out as anger. The scene is eerily familiar to how Elliot had found Cliff on the floor of their dorm room all those years ago, but Elliot tells himself it's not the same. He'll at least give Cliff the chance to explain why it isn't. Still, why hadn't Cliff told him how much he was struggling? He could have reached out and Elliot would have been over there to take care of him in a heartbeat.

"I didn't want you to worry," Cliff mumbled when he wakes up, before lurching forward and dry heaving into the emesis basin Elliot's holding. He has a high fever and Elliot thinks now's not the time to yell at him for being foolish. "I really thought I could manage," Cliff says through a single sob. Elliot's heart clenches in pity. Cliff's never known how to rely on other people thanks to his parents. Elliot wants Cliff to rely on him, but it's not something he can force. 

The doctors come in and ask if Cliff's been taking his medications as prescribed, especially the steroids. Their expressions are almost accusatory and Elliot doesn't understand why until Cliff looks down, face clearly ashamed. "Cliff, why not? Do you want to die?" Elliot asks, aghast.

His heart breaks when he hears Cliff whisper in the tiniest voice, "I couldn't afford them anymore." Elliot's still upset and worried, but suddenly he understands. Cliff starts crying; Elliot holds him close and tells him it's going to be alright, that they'll figure it out. He'll help Cliff pay for his meds as much as he can. When Shu comes by with food for Elliot he offers to let Cliff live with him for a while, in Alex's old bedroom. There's options. But right now, Cliff needs to focus on getting better.

The doctors tell them that Cliff's body went into shock from stopping his prednisone too quickly. He's lucky he's not in a coma. Not only that, but the granulomas on his lungs have grown and he has new ones on his brain. Does he have headaches, they ask him? Fatigue? Hallucinations? Cliff can't bring himself to look up as he answers yes to all of them. Has he ever fainted? Had a seizure? Cliff looks at Elliot for just a second, chest burning with shame. "I think I had one before Elliot found me."

After the doctors leave, grim faced and what Cliff feels is painfully judgemental, Elliot rubs Cliff’s back as Cliff begins to gasp for air and tears stream down his face. Elliot knows Cliff’s having a panic attack and tries to get him through it. “It’s gonna be okay, Cliffy,” he says sadly. “Talk to me.”

“I never lied to you, I swear,” Cliff says. Elliot feels his own eyes fill with tears.

“I know, shh,” Elliot soothes. “I wish you would have told me, but I know you didn’t lie. You’re going to get better and this is never gonna happen again.” Cliff just cries harder until he vomits. Elliot helps him shower while the nurse changes the sheets; it’s not how he had imagined their first time showering together after getting back together might go, but he’d rather be here than Cliff be alone right now.

Cliff's woefully underweight. His nausea is so bad that he can’t keep any oral medications down, either. They force an NG tube into him, which is one of the worst things Elliot's ever witnessed. He has to stand in the hall after the first failed attempt because it's so disturbing. It looks more like torture than treatment. Eventually they get it in and start the tube feeding, but the response isn't what’s expected. They haven't even brought it up to goal rate when Cliff begins projectile vomiting the tube feed all over like the fucking exorcist. The vomit makes him choke and he coughs the NG up less than twenty-four hours after they managed to get it down. Elliot holds him while he sobs and apologizes over and over. 

"I'm sorry," he cries, "I tried to keep it down, I really did." He's distraught and Elliot does his best to comfort Cliff, but he feels like there's so little he can do. He’s never seen Cliff cry this much and it’s breaking his heart.

As a result of the failed feeding tube, Cliff gets more tests and is diagnosed with gastroparesis: paralysis of the stomach. It could be temporary or it could be forever, they say. There's no way of knowing right now, but it explains why he hasn't been able to keep food down for a while. He needs a J-tube that will bypass his stomach to give him nutrition, and he gets that surgery two days later. 

The pain is unbearable. It takes days to get it under control despite finding no issues with the actual J-tube placement. Some people are just very sensitive to surgical pain and Cliff is unlucky enough to be one of them. He's so beat down by then that he just lies in bed clutching a pillow to his abdomen and sobs openly. Nothing really comforts him and Elliot doesn't know what to do. This is scary and he feels like he can't handle it on his own. Milo and his mom give him some support, but it's weird when neither of them are fans of Cliff to begin with. Shu and Alex come by to give Elliot a break sometimes. They sit with Cliff while Elliot takes a much needed rest at home where he can shower and scream in frustration a few times. 

It feels like whenever things start getting better for Cliff, some new aspect of his illness appears and they start over from the beginning. Elliot carries a certain level of regret that he wasn't there when Cliff was first diagnosed. Maybe if he was, he could have fought for Cliff to get diagnosed sooner. Maybe he could have protected Cliff from his father more. He tries to now, when Dr. Barrows comes not to help but to yell at Cliff for being so stupid as to stop taking his steroids. "Were you trying to kill yourself?" He snarls at Cliff, who shrinks back and can't answer. "Are you trying to humiliate me?" 

"Maybe if you guys spent just a tiny bit of your fortune on keeping your own freaking son alive, he wouldn't have to ration out his meds," Elliot spits at him. He doesn't care that Cliff's father is a famous surgeon. He's left his only son to struggle all by himself because of circumstances Cliff can't control, and so to Elliot he's the shittiest quack out there. 

"I don't remember Cliff ever asking us for help," Dr. Barrows points out coolly. Elliot can't argue with that. He doesn't know for sure, but it certainly wouldn’t surprise him if Cliff hadn't said anything to his parents. Even if they would have helped, who could blame Cliff when this was his dad? "And who the hell are you?"

"He's my boyfriend," Cliff says weakly. Something inside of Elliot is mended then. Cliff, who was once too scared to tell even a random passerby that they were together, is telling his father. Then, another piece of Elliot breaks when he watches Dr. Barrows cuff the side of Cliff's head with such force that Cliff's oxygen falls off. 

Cliff yelps in pain and grips his ear in shock, ears ringing. Elliot's horrified and frozen. Who the hell hits their own son while they're in a hospital bed? The pungent smell of whiskey probably has something to do with it. "You are not my son," he hisses venomously, then leaves. His hatred lingers in the air just as strong as the smell of booze. 

"Sorry," Cliff says after several seconds of awkward silence, breaking the spell. 

Elliot shakes his head as he jolts back to reality and rushes to Cliff's side, looping Cliff's oxygen back over his ears. He hugs Cliff close, shaking with anger. "There's no reason to be sorry," he insists. "The only person who should be sorry is your dad for being such a shitty person." Cliff flinches at Elliot's strong reaction, but he knows it's not directed towards him.

“Yeah,” Cliff says uncomfortably. “I guess. Thanks.”

It takes two weeks, but eventually Cliff is discharged: into the care of Elliot and the home of Shu, because the social worker says it’s not a very safe idea for him to live alone. Cliff hates feeling like he requires a round the clock babysitter, but he knows they’re right. He can’t walk more than a few steps and that’s with a walker, he’s not steady enough to use his crutches right now. Cliff promises he’ll keep quiet and not cause any problems, but Shu tells him that he should make himself feel at home. It’s a small two bedroom and Shu can’t help much monetarily, but he promises a safe and comfortable place where there’s always enough food on the table (figuratively, since Cliff doesn’t eat anymore). It’s what he promised Alex when he adopted him, Shu says, and he can promise Cliff that too now.

No matter how much he dislikes needing the help, being in Shu’s home makes a world of difference. It’s warm and homey there and Cliff likes how he can see into the backyard from the kitchen table. There’s a bird feeder and a swingset back there, which Shu says was from the prior owner but he never removed because he had wanted kids someday. Alex was twelve when he came to live with Shu, so a bit old for it, but Cliff imagines him there anyways. Elliot and Alex are around all the time since Shu’s garage doubles as their music studio, and sometimes Cliff bundles under blankets and watches them practice. Sometimes Alex’s boyfriend Ryo is there and he watches too. Elliot drives Cliff back and forth to doctors appointments, PT and OT in the same old car they used to have so much fun in back in college. He finds every co-pay assistance program available for Cliff to utilize, but then money starts appearing in Cliff’s bank account again every month from his parents. Elliot thinks maybe his words couldn’t do much, but they apparently did something. Well, his words combined with Moira giving their father absolute hell when she found out what happened.

It’ll be Christmas soon. There’s snow on the ground and the cardinals that visit Shu’s bird feeder look so lovely and bold against the white. Cliff’s sitting in Shu’s kitchen watching them as Elliot brews tea. “Can I tell you something?” Cliff says.

“Of course. Anything,” Elliot says, carrying a steaming mug over and placing it on the kitchen table. He sits next to Cliff and leans his cheek in his hand. His green eyes are so lovely, Cliff thinks to himself. 

“I miss living together,” Cliff admits. Elliot looks surprised, but then nods.

“I miss it too.”

“Living here reminds me of when we visited that cabin upstate, all the way back in freshman year,” Cliff says. “That was the best vacation ever.”

“Seriously?” Elliot asks, smirking a little. “Even though we both had terrible head colds and spent the entire weekend in bed?”

“Yeah,” Cliff said, smiling fondly. “It felt like a real home, for the first time in my life.”

Elliot stands and hugs Cliff, planting a kiss on his temple. “I’m not sure when we’ll move in together, but we can definitely go on vacation again,” he says honestly. He doesn’t want to rush things this time, like he felt like they had the first time around. 

Cliff nods. “I’d like that.”

Elliot rests the side of his head against the top of Cliff’s head. “You keep getting better and then we can go, deal? Maybe sometime after Christmas.” Cliff hums easily in agreement. He’ll keep working hard to get stronger so they can do the fun stuff they used to do together as soon as possible.

[brainrotlesbian]

Rare whump moments in cartoons

A lot of the media I like is animated, and as such, there’s not many whumpy moments in such cartoons or movies, but there are some good moments in them, so here is a non-comprehensive list of pretty good whumpy moments in my good Christian (/j) child cartoons:

True Colors (season 2 episode 20 of Amphibia). Not really until the last five minutes of the episode, but it’s well worth it. Sasha and Anne find out Marcy’s lied to and manipulated them, and also that King Andrias has done the same (not really whump but it adds to it I swear), Sprig is thrown out of a window. From a flying castle that’s nearly a mile above ground. Marcy is stabbed through the abdomen with a flaming sword and with her last conscious moments she apologizes then collapses to the ground presumed dead.

A Bug’s Life (idk the last 30 minutes?) Yeah, you read that right. A Bug’s Life. When Flik is beaten by Hopper. Good shit, good shit. The bruises, the groaning in pain, the attempting to push himself onto his feet only for his strength to fail and he falls down into the ground? Beautiful

Save The Cat (season 5 episode idk 2 or 3 of She-ra 2018). Yeah I know I said I don’t really like lady whump but like this is lesbian angst so it’s fine with me. I’m also a huge sucker for brainwashing/mind control especially when paired with said brainwashed person forced to fight a loved one

Yunan and Olivia (season 3 episode 7 of Amphibia). Holy mother of god I was not expecting that level of whump from the silly frog show. The screaming from Marcy as she’s digitally possessed by the core? Horrifying. Haunts my dreams. Oh and also there’s illusions of the three characters’ biggest traumas/fears/regrets and it’s great. If y’all thought True Colors was bad, you were right, but Yunan and Olivia is worse

The Mortis Arc of the Clone Wars (season 3) Yeah it’s kinda cheating to put an entire arc but like c’mon. 1. Lore about the nature of the force and the prophecy and the chosen one and 2. We had two different fights between the trio with one who was possessed (sorta) (Ahsoka vs Anakin and Obi Wan, then Anakin vs Obi Wan). Does this really count as whump? Ehhhh kinda sorta it’s more angst but whatever

I forgot the name of this episode but it’s some time in DuckTales 2017 season 2. Oh yeah. Fucking DuckTales. Donald gets captured by the moon people (it’s kinda funny they have this unique muzzle/gag thing they slap over his bill and he literally does not say an intelligible word until it’s blown off from an anger outburst). After discovering General Lunaris’s plan to invade earth and kill the triplets, he launches back to earth… only to end up on a deserted island for months without contact with the outside world. He kinda goes a little nuts once the family finds him

ROTTMNT movie. That’s it. The whole damn movie. Leo has the living shit beaten out of him. Raph is possessed. Everyone almost dies

The Bad Batch arc of the Clone Wars season 7. Again, cheating, I know, but holy hell, the arc around rescuing Echo and they find him half-dead, emaciated, white as a sheet, and connected neurologically to the computer system so the Separatists can search his memories for republic strategies? That’s good shit. It leaves a lot up to the imagination as to what, exactly, Echo went through.

Season 2 episode I forgot of Gravity Falls: when Dipper gets possessed by Bill. Not the whumpiest but still ok, especially at the end when he’s like “ohhh everything hurts” cause Bill wore his body out

[builder051]

Whumpmas in July 2024 day 13: Niche whump tags

Ok, confession here: I don’t read a lot of fic. After my most recent neurological event, I’ve become extremely forgetful, and reading is actually kind of difficult. Writing is easier. I have no clue as to why.

I used to read fanfic, absolutely obsessively. Between ages 12-24 I would put the protocol into Google searches so it would search a single term on a single site with certain other words deleted…

I no longer have the shortcut memorized. I could probably look it up, but I’ve since learned the AO3 filtering system, and I can prioritize certain tags.

My faves are:

James “Bucky” Barnes

Captain America

Daredevil

Marvel cinematic universe

Vomiting

Sick

Sickfic

Illness & injury

Gore

Angst

Trauma

Flashbacks

Panic attack

Blacklisted tags (things that squick me out):

Overeating

Stuffing

Belly kink

Snz kink

I’m sure there are more in both categories, but that’s what I can think of today. I usually feature at least a few of them in my stories as well. I guess I’m not all that adventurous. I just like what I like, and I read and write for my own pleasure.

[weirdstrangeandawful]

How is it that doctors are allowed to write prescriptions that are near-illegible to even pharmacists but I have to type this up for my GP because she wouldn't read any of it if I gave it to her as is?

Image description: A lined notebook page listing a timeline of symptoms in cursive handwriting. A hand is holding the page open.

[lifblogs]

I'm a disabled person in an abusive situation who is not being cared for, and am struggling with money (I have only $29.34.) I cannot work due to a TBI and many other illnesses/conditions. You can help by donating to:

Paypal: lif61

Venmo: lili61

Other ways you can help:

Buy me a coffee for Loki's emergency fund. (Loki is a neurologically disabled cat with a deteriorating condition. He will need the hospital at some future point in his life, and I don't want money to get in the way of his care.)

Donations of essentials. (This list will change and be updated as things are donated or I run out of something.)

Hello, new followers! My blog is a crazy place, so time to talk about some tags to make it easier for everyone. Though I feel as if I must begin with a disclaimer.

I love Supernatural, and tag that as #spn. If you are here for another reason, you can block that tag.

I love Star Wars, and tag that as #star wars. Again, block if you are not here for that, so you don't get annoyed. (My current obsession within Star Wars is The Bad Batch. You can block #the bad batch, and/or #tbb.)

I love cats. A lot. Feel free to block the #cats tag. I also will tag #my cat, or #my cats; and #loey (my kitties’ ship name), #alley cat, and #loki the cat.

Other tags I use frequently are #personal, #lol, #nature, #birds, #fanfiction, #fanart, #writing, and #whump.

Be warned, I am a huge fan of whump. If you don't like whump and don't block the tag you will see some things that might make you uncomfortable. Please, feel free to block the tag if you need to.

I seem to have picked up the habit of talking about what I'm reading, so for that I use #reading, and if it's a book (it usually is), I use #books.

If you are as annoyed with my mother as I am, block the tag #my mom. I'm in a tough situation here at home, so I do vent about it. Speaking of difficult, I sometimes use the tag #actually disabled.

If you want fun content, there’s the #my dad tag. He’s an interesting man.

I tag adult content as #nsft, and sometimes #mdni.

I try my best to tag #salt, and #wank.

I am participating in Whale Weekly. All Whale Weekly posts are tagged as #whale weekly, and #moby-dick.

When I'm reading Dracula all posts will be tagged as #dracula, and #dracula daily.

Other tags are #music, #The Lord of the Rings, #lotr newsletter, #The Hobbit, #game of thrones, #house of the dragon, #httyd, #rtte, #doctor who, #mcu, #good omens, #grishaverse, #tdp (The Dragon Prince), #atla (Avatar: The Last Airbender), #tlok (The Legend of Korra), and #toa (Tales of Arcadia). May occasionally talk about #sjm (Sarah J. Maas) and #tog (Throne of Glass) while doing rereads.

And apparently I blog about #pjo now!

If you're looking for my writing (if the tumblr search function ever actually works again), that can be found under #my writing.

And below the cut I have a masterlist of my writing!

My AO3

Fics by Fandom:

Supernatural

Star Wars

Chilling Adventures of Sabrina

The 100

Lucifer

Tales of Arcadia

'Teen Wolf

Avatar: The Last Airbender

Good Omens

Multi-Chapter Fics (Completed):

Don't Call Me Sammy

How to Get Rid of Nightmares

Bleeding Reality

Deathless

Lockdown

The Sins of Heaven

In the Dark

Day & Night

Book One: Spirit

It's Time We Had the Talk

Don't Call Me Sammy (Rewrite)

The World Goes Cold

Multi-Chapter Fics (WIP)

The Wail of Dying Stars

Blackout

Livin In You

Three Birds, One Stone

Imperium

Brother, Hold Me Up

Series

The Ascendancy Trials

SPN Hiatus Creations 2018

Take Me to Church

Where

SPN Hiatus Creations 2019

Whumptober 2019

#SpnStayAtHome

SPN Hiatus Creations 2020

Whumptober 2020

Banned Together Bingo 2020

#SPNAdventCalendar2020

Angstpril 2021

Whumpay 2021

Whumptober 2021

Angstpril 2022

Sam Week 2022

Whumptober 2022 As It Should've Been

AI-less Whumptober 2023

Post-Plan 99

Lipstick

TechPhee Smut

Tech Tuesday

Summer of Bad Batch 2024

Mistborn!AU

Neurodivergent Tech Week 2024

After Dark

[professional-benaddict]

could I request a spiderstrange scene ? Like daddy Stephen cuddling his lil boy petey or giving him a bath or both 🥺🙈 (you’ve probably gotten this prompt before but they’re both so cuteeee)

this is such a cute scene!! i added some medical whump (bc its my fave thing ever sksks) i hope you don’t mind hehe💗💗💗

Daddy Stephen, +18 Little Peter, Littles Are Known, hospitalisation, baths, nighttime routine, fluff, comfort

There is a knock on the door, and a nurse’s aid enters. The aid looks at the empty hospital bed, a puzzled expression on his face. Where did the patient go? Little patients tend to be playful and can hide under their beds, but this one seemed to have disconnected the monitors without setting off the alarms.

“Ah!”

“Yeah! Your boat sank, oh no!”

“Noo!”

There’s giggles and wet splashing coming out of the bathroom, and the nurse’s aid heads over. He opens the door to find a Little boy in the bathtub and a man dressed in scrubs next to the tub.

“Daddy!” The boy squeaks at the sight of a stranger. He moves closer to his Daddy, putting his naked and wet arms around his Daddy’s arm.

“Oh, hi!” The man smiles at the aid.

“I’m making rounds doing sponge baths, but I guess you got here before me.” The aid laughs. He tries to get a glimpse of the man’s ID tag.

“Oh, yeah, sorry. I guess I did your job.” The man chuckles. “Peter’s my own Little and my shift just ended, so I’m spending the night with him here.” The man explains. “I hope I didn’t make your job harder.”

“No, no, Peter was my last stop, so you saved me some work.” The aid says, shaking his head. “I’ll leave you guys to it then, Doctor…”

“Strange. Stephen Strange. I’m upstairs at neurology.” Stephen smiles.

“Matthew Clark. I’m here with the Littles.” The aid, Matthew, replies. He then waves to Peter and wishes them both a good night before heading out.

Peter turns to his Daddy once they are alone once more. His eyes are wide and he is still clinging to Stephen’s arm.

“Did Matthew scare you, huh? He scared me a bit too. Although, I guess I owe him for not letting him know I’d come take care of you myself.” Stephen says, tapping Peter’s nose.

The boy giggles and rubs his nose with a wet hand. He lets go of Stephen’s arm and grabs his boat to sink it again. For some reason it keeps floating up if Peter doesn’t hold it down. Silly little boat.

“Ah-buh!”

“Yeah? I hope a rescue boat will come help them soon.” Stephen chuckles, grabbing the cup to keep rinsing the conditioner out of Peter’s hair.

After a few more minutes, Stephen drains the tub and gets Peter into a fluffy towel. It is one that the doctor brought from home so that Peter would be more comfortable during his hospital stay.

It’s bitter sweet having Peter here. Stephen would rather see Peter running around, being as healthy and happy as ever, but at the same time it is sort of nice having him so close. Stephen checks on Peter whenever he has some free time and he spends all his lunches with him. Sometimes the boy is so exhausted from his treatments that he isn’t awake when Stephen comes, but the doctor stays no matter what.

Once Peter is almost dry, Stephen lays him down on his bed, getting some lotion and rubbing it into the Little’s skin. The whole process is like a sleepy massage to Peter, and his blinking slows slower and slower as his eyelids get heavier with sleep. The doctor gets the boy a fresh pull up, and then a clean gown and socks.

“You want a paci, bud?” Stephen asks, showing Peter a pacifier with a sunflower on it. The boy opens his mouth to take the pacifier and sucks on it happily.

“My bestest Little boy.” The doctor sighs fondly, leaning down to kiss Peter’s forehead.

Peter hums behind his pacifier and makes grabby hands at his Daddy. It means he wants cuddles, and cuddles the boy shall have.

After toeing off his shoes, Stephen lays down on Peter’s hospital bed. He helps the boy to lay comfortably next to him, and then makes quick work of hooking him back on to the monitors. The boy fusses a little, but he calms down once Stephen is done and wraps his arms around him.

“Sleep now, baby. Daddy’s right here.” Stephen whispers, his head resting so that his lips faintly touch Peter’s forehead when he speaks.

Peter’s breathing evens out and becomes deeper within the next few minutes, and soon enough he is fast asleep.

“Sleep and get better, baby.” Stephen whispers.

[irrealisms]

new pinned post!

blog organization

tags list about ao3

fanfic

lifesteal between the moth and the moon: T, vitalasy&zam. a conversation about graves and death and love and hope. 1.2k. every martyr in this jungle: T, vitalasy&zam. a conversation that goes nowhere and doesn't help anyone. but they're trying. 1.4k. Game Over. Try Again?: T, vitalasy-centric. does it count as a time loop if you're the one making it happen? 2.3k no apple but a heart: M, vitalasy-centric. "when you kill someone, you get their heart" taken literally, or: the one in which vitalasy eats subz's dead body as an act of devotion. 1.1k. and by way of honoring the things we once both held dear: T, parrot&spoke. PMMM au of the conversation parrot and spoke have post-wormhole. 1.1k. the visceral organs used for food: M, vitalasy&planetlord. the stream where vitalasy spawnkills planet in the prison, set in the same universe as no apple but a heart. 2.6k. every hand is a storm: T, vitalasy/zam. PMMM au of their relationship starting and ending. 2.7k. tidal forces: T, vitalasy/subz/zam. hwbm au; three chapters, each chapter is a scene from a different relationship. 3.6k. tell me what you want me to say: G, vitalasy&zam. canon divergence where vitalasy joins the solar union. not a fix it. 1.1k.

dsmp and behind us is the devil: T, bench trio-centric. pieces of my we know the devil au. three chapters/hours, each of which focuses on a different character & a different relationship. 3.3k. no one gets too much light: T, tubbo-centric. a drunk conversation between tubbo & ranboo in new l'manburg after tubbo finds the exile pole. 1.8k gadfly: T, dream-centric. dream goes into heat in pandora's vault. 2.6k. if this wine hasn't turned to vinegar: G, niki-centric. wilbur is niki's soulmate; niki isn't wilbur's. a relationship study of the wilbur & niki relationship, from niki's pov. 3k. isolate song: T, tommy-centric. avian!tommy post-exile recovery, but with way more birdsong neurology facts than is usual for the genre. 3k. two for flinching!: T, dream&wilbur&tommy. mild canon divergence between 'inconsolable differences' and 'boundless sands', where wilbur goes to confront dream a second time; a compare-contrast on the tommy&wilbur and tommy&dream relationships. 3.8k. liza forever minnelli: M, wilbur-centric. hunger games au. about mental illness and institutionalization. mind the tags. 4.7k. the autopsy garland: M, dream-centric. hunger games au. about RPF fandom and youtube celebrity culture. mind the tags. 4k. where you hide your heart from me: T, wilbur/quackity. in pogtopia, wilbur preens quackity's wings. 2k. you're fairly certain there's a curtain somewhere: T, techno-centric. script-format metafiction about being a character in a collaborative medium. 1k. one must imagine Sisyphus happy: T, wilbur&quackity. during a late night in las nevadas, wilbur and quackity have a conversation about living. 1.6k. under these smothering waves: T, tommy&dream. a snapshot from exile arc. 3.7k. how everything is torn: T, ghostbur-centric. ghostbur angst set in the gap between ghostbur on doomsday and the resurrection attempt 4 days later. 2.3k.

mdzs/cql i don't have the heart to match: T, jiang cheng-centric. what if jiang cheng was a self-closeted trans woman? 4.5k. no one lays a lily on their grave: T, jiang cheng & jin ling. a post-canon conversation about grieving people you loved who did terrible things. 2.5k. our crooked aim: M, jiang cheng/lan wangji. what if they had grief hatesex about the absence of wei wuxian? think about it. 2k. how easy you are to need: M, xue yang/xiao xingchen. an exploration of xue yang's history with sexual abuse and xiao xingchen's relationship with touch. 2.7k, with an 800 word bonus scene.

tma stifled the choice and the air in my lungs: E, jon/elias. set in late s4. extremely dubiously consensual sex for the sake of feeding the Eye. 4k. watch the blood evaporate: M, jon-centric. jon whump about self-harm and suicide attempts. 2.6k. dream when there's nothing to feast on: T, jon&daisy. a conversation from late s4 about starving. 1.6k. here or not here: E, martin/peter. martin dissociates through a series of bad decisions during s4. 3k. your body is not a word: M, jon-centric. jon exchanges sex with strangers for statements; there's dubious consent on both sides. 1.8k.

silmarillion always already annihilated: T, turgon/gondolin. paris burning/cityverse au. or: in an au in which cities are people, turgon falls in love with his. 2.6k. [DISCLAIMER: from here on out, we're reaching my older writing; there's a lot here that's good but there's also a lot here that i would do differently now!] sweating out the poison: E, maedhros/maglor. dubcon + omegaverse + post-sirion angst. 2.2k. whatever a moon has always meant: M, indis/míriel. an exploration of doubt, grief, and faith. 3.3k. wherefore art thou come: T, fingon/maedhros. fingon survives the nirnaeth; maedhros plans to march on doriath. a fix-it, but only if your vision of a fix-it includes murder. 1.2k. in the indigos of darkness: T, about original númenorean characters. a story about found family, three unrepentant king’s men under pharazôn, disability, religion, and death. 5.4k. melt, thaw, resolve: T, maedhros-centric. maedhros attempts suicide. 2k. we but teach bloody instructions: T, maedhros&maglor. scenes of maedhros and maglor having arguments about morality while raising elrond and elros. 5.4k. what you sow: M, maedhros-centric. maedhros has nightmares. one after angband; one after sirion. 2.6k. pitch black, pale blue: T, about original númenorean characters. a short history of númenor, as told by its women. 4k. survival skills: E, maedhros/fingon or maedhros/sauron depending on how you look at it, which should be all the summary and content warning you need. 1k.

taz balance corvidae: M, lup & taako. abandoned multichapter fic with the premise of lup & taako as a DID system. 7.5k. liebesahnung: E, lup/barry bluejeans. hurt/comfort sex about gender dysphoria. 2k. as the tide: T, magnus/lucretia. a nonlinear love story that is also a tragedy that has a happy ending. 4k. but thinking makes it so: G, lucretia-centric character study. 2k.

we know the devil 3 a.m.: G, venus-centric. a venus pov character study of yellow ending 3am. says as much about 16-year-old-will as it does about venus, imo. 1.9k.

fic rec masterposts dsmp [no others yet but you can ask if you want me to post my tma + mdzs ones]

web weaves, moodboards, and collages

about my life quitting therapy Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani? i was born for this my hands are clean. / your mind is not. if you can live your life without an audience, you should do it. Aww, did you think you broke the cycle?

lifesteal it's more like a very pointed argument: heaven will be mine eclipse federation au you wear the moon like a halo: zam's grief over subz, and the thin line between hallucination and haunting fox, chicken, grain: eclipse federation and 2+1

we know the devil the three worst girls since eve - three collages for the three main characters the devil is lonely - a moodboard for the game as a whole

dsmp as the last i may know: c!tubbo diptych: c!crimeboys PERPETRATOR TRAUMA: c!quackity and no one was gonna come and get me: c!fundy c!wilbur + relationships c!wilbur + death as catharsis c!wilbur + change, and the lack of it exile arc + water c!wilbur + legacy attachments on the dream smp new l'manburg

meta

lifesteal c!princezam and ableism

dsmp c!tommy is annoying (and that's important) c!wilbur and his audience bedrock bros analysis in defense of l'manberg

nbc hannibal nbc hannibal and psychiatric abuse

silmarillion [DISCLAIMER: from here on out, we're reaching my older writing; there's a lot here that's good but there's also a lot here that i would do differently now!] tolkien & the fall of arda (short) on being a Christian with complicated feelings about Eru on original sin and loving terrible elves a fading world in defense of Maeglin my feelings about Númenor and religion martyrdom in tolkien (short) religious conflicts between pelargir & umbar tolkien and religious feelings (short) a defense of fëanor's refusal to break the silmarils

[i-eat-worlds]

16, 18 and 20 for the whump ask game!!!!

thanks for the ask!

16. Do you have any whump media recommendations (whump blogs, books, movies, etc.)?

Sooooo many.

Books:

Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao (Sci-fi alternate history + mecha that grabs your face and keeps you reading. I cannot recommend this book enough.)

Back Sun by Rebecca Roanhorse (High fantasy set in a pre-Columbian South America. Thrilling cast of characters, lots of pain.)

Whump Blogs:

@pigeonwhumps - stories in a wide variety of genres, all sorts of tasty stuffs

@snaillamp -couple of different universes, I would recommend “When Hell Comes Knocking”

@wolfeyedwitch -lots of whump types too. “And Still” is completed and delicious.

@dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night -find your fucked up non-humans here. “Our Man Flint” and “Eden” are some of my faves.

18. What whump content are you currently craving?

Something with caretaker new Whumper and painfully accurate field medicine. Maybe some rescue and environmental whump thrown in. Begging for mercy too, perhaps

20. How are you doing today, buddy?

Good! I got an 100 on my neurology med terms test, and finished up a lab report. Also I’m gonna write omegaverse so that’s a thing now. We’ll see how it goes lol

[secretbloodloss]

Categories of whump content that I personally enjoy (and why)

Characters who are generally strong and self reliant being stabbed/injured and needing to be cared for—recently I realized this is a trauma thing. I mean, not totally, I also just enjoy the romance (not necessarily romantic romance) of it all. But also as someone who as a kid often thought “would you love me and be soft with me if I was really sick?” I like to daydream about being taken care of without having to ask or feel bad about it.

Characters getting dizzy—yeah this is a disability thing. I have this neurological disability that makes me dizzy frequently, ranging from uncomfortable but hideable to literally cannot walk. And I love giving this to characters but with more immediate and life threatening reasoning because for the longest time I had no good reason for feeling weak and delicate and bad when I should be capable

Blood and blood loss—this one is just hot ok

[valcaira]

I hate HATE how the #neurological disorder tag is clogged with adhd, whump, autism and other things that have NOTHING to do with neurological illnesses.

It's for brain damage, parkinon's, MS, Tourette's, dementia, Down's, epilepsy, FND, spinal chord injuries and anything that affects the nervous system. It's hard to find actual content and support of your community. It's already impossible to browse the #epilepsy and #seizures tags because so many disgusting assholes post flashing gifs there.

Ablebodied NDs quit making everything about yourself challenge. Stay in your lane. We do too.