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altruistic-meme · 3 years

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AFTG fic recs

Hi all! I just wanted to share some of my all-time favorite fanfics for aftg, for no real reason other than I want more people to read them and send their love to the authors :)

Under a readmore because it got. A little long. But please enjoy!

WIPs

Dangerous Habits by LovelyLittleGrim ( @lovelylittlegrim )

Andrew has run into problems while on undercover jobs before. None of those problems were anything like the troublesome runaway that is one Nathaniel Wesninski

Aka: the fic where Andrew is undercover as a hitman for hire and Neil is the guy who hires him. Things get complicated from there.

Undercover Andrew? BAMF Neil? Hitman AU?? Absolutely. I’m in love. The story is just *chef kisses*

Chapters: 8/9

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, past rape/non-con, Drake Spear (who is his own warning), Butcher Neil,

Negotiations by elesary ( @elesary )

This is what Andrew Minyard knows: his brother is dead, killed by a petty Raven prince who has never learned to keep his hands off of Andrew's things. His brother's daughters are his responsibility, a job that is made infinitely harder when their shitty grandparents want custody. Nathaniel Wesninski is a liar, but he might be the only way to avenge Aaron and protect his nieces. All Andrew has to do is watch Nathaniels - Neil's- back as he carves out his own life and identity from everyone who thinks they own him.

Andrew has always been good at upholding his end of the bargain, has he finally found someone willing to uphold theirs?

This fic has got me fucked up, honestly. I’m emotional over it. It’s fantastic.

Chapters: 11/?

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, attempted sexual assault, Butcher Neil,

the upper hand by plantelty ( @plantelty )

Shortly after losing his mother, Neil arrives in the small town of Palmetto, South Carolina, alone in the world and with an impossible plan to carry through.

At the age of eighteen, Andrew ends up helping a boy stage his own death.

Just two fucked up boys learning to trust each other during the course of a summer, but also: multiple references to songs, twinyard angst (Nicky tries his best), The Plotting of Neil Josten's Gruesome Demise, and shit hitting the fan in a variety of ugly ways!

The cliffhanger has got me on the edge of my seat, but it is 100% worth the read and the wait for the last chapter!!

Chapters: 10/11

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Canon typical violence,

The Butcher’s House by Fire_Bear ( @fire-bear )

Andrew thought something was odd with the house the Foxes had to move into after their Athletes' House had been burnt down. He just wasn't prepared for what was actually wrong with it.

For this was a house full of monsters.

Ghost story! Ghost story! Ghost story! I literally think about this fic every other day, it’s fantastic.

Chapters: 6/?

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Warnings: character death (major or minor is unclear), injuries,

Promise of an Unbroken Boy by elesary ( @elesary )

Neil is caught by the police with Mary's burning body and is sent to juvie in Oakland where he is assigned to share a cell with one Andrew Doe, who promises him Exy, if only Neil will tell him all of his secrets. With no access to tinted contacts and hair dye, he agrees, it's only a matter of time until he's killed after all. What does he have to lose?

But Andrew's found someone who knows what a promise means, and he'll be damned if he lets that go without a fight.

Ngl this is definitely in my very top favorites -- I LOVE the idea of Neil and Andrew meeting pre-series, and this fic just BLEW my expectations for that plotline out of the waters

Chapters: 14/?

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, Underage, attempted rape/non-con, canon-typical violence,

~~~~~~~~~

Complete

The Nameless Monster by kanekicure ( @kanekicure )

Nathaniel Wesninski wants nothing more than to see his father dead and buried. But when his father promises him the title of The Butcher, Nathaniel quickly realizes that his destiny of following in his father's footsteps is closer than ever before.

So of course, when he gets forced to go undercover for the Baltimore police, he starts seeing what living could truly be.

Andrew Minyard is a newly recruited police officer for the worst precinct in Baltimore, who is dedicated on hunting down the notorious Butcher and his unnamed underling. But when Neil Josten is thrown into his midst as his civilian consultant; he starts to realize some things don't quite appear as they seem.

I love the story telling -- the secret identities, the plotting, everything.

Chapters: 14/14

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, Butcher Neil, implied/referenced rape/non-con, implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced slef-harm (I believe there is a scene that is somewhat detailed on this subject), some characters also get drugged at one point,

that’s just something people say by nanatsuyu ( @theoctopusnods )

Neil makes the mistake of stealing the wrong car. Andrew makes the mistake of offering a ride to a liar. They both make the mistake of turning the whole affair into a road trip ‘home.’

Gonna be honest; the summary does not give a big idea as to what is in store and i am SO GLAD I gave this one a try so i’m telling you that you will be too

Chapters: 24/24

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, panic attacks (somewhat grahic descriptions of)

The Story After You by kanekicure ( @kanekicure )

Andrew Minyard does not understand how Riko Moriyama landed Neil Wesninski.

How the snot-nosed, small dick, rich brat, second son of the Moriyama family who also just so happened to own the largest EXY gear and merchandiser company in the world “RAVEN” - had landed smart mouthed, quick witted, stupidly blue eyed Wesninski, was beyond him. Well, unless Wesninski was a gold digger, but Andrew doubted it.

Or; how Andrew Minyard says he doesn't get into messy situations, until he meets Neil and suddenly he is in the most messiest possible situation ever imagined in his life - oh and also, he might be becoming a homewrecker.

Ok I am behind bc I haven’t read the final chapter of this but!! I love the story, it’s very emotional and moving, and I love the characterization in it.

Chapters: 10/10

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Abusive Riko/Neil, abusive relationship, implied/referenced rape/non-con, implied/reference child abuse, implied/referenced self-harm, graphic depictions of violence, some descriptions of injuries/scarring,

This Complicated Life by 5a5b5p5 ( @andrewsbutterflyknife )

“This is exactly why I don’t want you and Andrew to meet,” Aaron says grumpily. “You two would get along far too well.”

Neil grins. “I just like pissing you off,” he says, “It’s not my fault your brother does such a good job at it.”

—

Neil doesn’t expect much from his Sophomore year of college, but when he becomes a waiter at the Palmetto Bistro, his life gets a whole lot more interesting. As it turns out, maintaining friendships new and old as well as navigating an interesting relationship with the head chef of the restaurant—who just so happens to be his best friend’s twin brother—is a lot more complicated than he’d thought it would be.

A much more light-hearted fic than most of the others! Includes a secret relationship, and also chef Andrew >>

Chapters: 10/10

Rating: Mature

Warnings:

When I Fade, Keep Me in Your Memory by demesh

Neil Josten has a secret: he can flicker out of existence.

He can vanish with the turn of a thought; click his fingers, and suddenly he’s not there anymore. Invisible and untouchable, he becomes a living ghost.

Having promised his mother never to let his ability go, Neil teeters the line between faded and real, a person and an echo. He can’t risk getting hurt.

But then, one day, someone sees him when they shouldn’t be able to.

A (flower-shop) AU about how a faded and lonely Neil finds it in him to become someone real.

Another fic that I need to catch up on ;; but anyway it’s amazing and I love Neil’s ability in it, it’s so well explained and well-written about

Chapters: 12/12

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Warnings: mentions of past abuse, panic attacks

12 Ways to Woo a Minyard by NikNak22 ( @knickknacksandallthat )

Neil is a math nerd who, by a stroke of dumb luck, falls into a group of friends that are the closest thing to family he’s ever had. So, when he tells them about his new mysterious crush, he shouldn’t be surprised how immediately they come up with a plan to help win them over. One they insist that if Neil follows it, he’ll have them falling for him in no time. But things don’t always go to plan – or do they?

Nicky wants to set him up with someone else. Matt and Jeremy are confused but supportive. Allison and Seth offer lewd suggestions, while Dan does her best to keep everyone in line. Jean and Renee know something, Aaron doesn’t really care, and Kevin just wants Neil to join the lacrosse team.

But one thing’s for certain – whether Neil’s successful or not, everyone’s got money riding on this.

The romance-trope-filled fanfic of my dreams. Sometimes you just need a fic of pure joy -- this is that fic.

Chapters: 14/14

Rating: Mature

Warnings:

finders keepers by moonix ( @annawrites )

Andrew meets Nathaniel through a scavenger hunt app. As their team takes part in a hunt that sends each of them to creepy, abandoned places alone to solve clues and gain points, Andrew and Nathaniel begin a little treasure hunt of their own. The anonymity of getting to know each other in small increments, never meeting face-to-face, allows them a level of intimacy neither are used to. Meanwhile Renee’s friend Neil is acting weird whenever Andrew shows up…

This was one of the first fics I read for aftg!! And BOY what a great start!! All of the little pieces and parts that work together, and just the scavenger hunt itself is fantastic! (I also REALLY wanna know if there is an app like this out there because I would be down to do that)

Chapters: 8/8

Rating: Mature

Warnings: (these all come from the author:) “mentions of historical abuse in a mental asylum, mentions of suicide, mentions of murder and kidnapping, morbid facts, creepy abandoned places including a haunted house at a theme park with disturbing rooms, special appearance of a creepy clown doll, fatphobia and some introspection on body image/complicated relationship with food, mention of self harm scars”

-----

Scared to Live (But I’m Scared to Die) by Major_816 ( @major816 )

Neil Josten goes to the Nest for Andrew, but he stays for a lot more.

"I'm sorry Coach," he muttered.

"For what kid?" Wymack shifted. "You've got to give me something to work with here."

Wymack watched the thin traces of sorrow as paper exchanged hands and he was looking down at a contract with the Edgar Allan Raven's.

"I signed them Coach, I'm sorry."

The one where Neil doesn't come back from Winter Break.

It is VERY dark, and is one of very few fics that I have actually been almost unable to read one of the scenes, so DEFINITELY pay attention to the warnings -- both these, and the ones provided for each individual chapter. I did go through the fic to collect as many warnings as I could find in the chapter warnings, but be sure to take care of yourself.

Chapters: 36/36

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: rape/non-con elements, implied/referenced rape/non-con, discussions of rape/non-con, canon-typical violence, graphic descritions, physical abuse, panic attacks, descriptions of injuries (often graphic), psychological warfare, dissociating, psychological torture, physical torture, use of knives, alcoholism/alcohol abuse, pain-induced delirium, rape/non-con, emotional self-separation, suicidal ideation/thoughts of suicide, emotional distress (which sums up the whole fic and also me while reading it), handcuffs/chains used as restraints, referenced/implied abuse towards animals, vomitting, begging, excessive use of painkillers, drowning, waterboarding, physical restraint, mutilation of an animal, mild hallucinations, non-con drugging, sleep deprivation, starvation, humiliation, the Butcher,

Also one of the first fics I read and 100% my absolute favorite fic!!! Which is adfjhsd a little worrying, considering, but it is what it is. Anyway. This fic absolutely wrecked me, and while it is technically complete, there is a sequel in the works! So! But I am so so excited for the sequel, and I am working on rereading this. It’s amazing. 1000/10.

#also!! btw i would love if anyone has more fic recs >> just an fyi >>#idk if demesh doesn't have a tumblr but i couldn't find one :(#also major816 for some reason i can never tag and idk why #aftg #all for the game #andreil #the foxhole court #tfc #andrew minyard #neil josten #fic rec #rec list

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simonsrosebud · 4 years

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the one where someone doesn’t know who kevin day is, pt. 2

part one three four five

dalton’s apartment becomes a common occurrence over the next month. kevin kisses dalton into the couch cushions, and then the bed. and this one time it’s almost the same, except dalton interrupts. “oh, hey, i’ll be at your game tomorrow- ah,” he breathes as kevin kisses down his neck.

kevin doesn’t like that. no- he likes that, that dalton is willing to see him do what he loves and all, but not that he told him right now. because now he has to stop what he’s doing and explain. explain that he’s pretty fucking famous in the exy world, that his mother is the creator of the sport, that he’s kevin day- what that entails.

but dalton takes it surprisingly easily. he thinks it’s because he’s not invested in the sport in the way almost everyone else kevin knows is and just doesn’t get it, or maybe because he actually likes kevin for kevin and just doesn’t care about his past and the weight of his name.

because after kevin’s done dalton kisses away his frown and climbs onto his lap. “don’t worry, hot shot, you’re still just a history nerd to me.”

kevin upgrades dalton and his friend to his family seats. his friend seems to know exactly who he is when he goes up to them before warm ups, and by the guys face kevin realizes that dalton definitely didn’t tell his friend who they’d come for.

kevin hugs dalton. “i’m not out yet,” he whispers. “otherwise i’d kiss you.”

dalton grins like a child. “later.” he shrugs.

andrew mocks him in the car to fox tower after their win. “invite your boyfriend?” and he freezes. “fuck you for thinking i’m an idiot.”

kevin thanks god that nicky rode with matt. aaron and neil both look at him, though. “you’re dating someone?” neil will never not be oblivious. aaron just sneers.

kevin stays quiet. he should’ve known better from andrew, after all. but he pulls out his phone. come pick me up?

be there in 30, we're walking home from the stadium LOL

it's enough time to go hang out with the rest of the team and the vixens in the lounge, dan would kill him if he didn't show at all. but he must lose track of time because eventually the door opens and instead of another fox it's dalton. it's not enough to pause conversations, even though kevin is sure they all at least notice.

when kevin follows him out dalton knocks shoulders with his and smiles. “are you drunk? i noticed they were drinking.”

“no. i’m um, i’m-i’m four months... sober.”

dalton is a pure angel because he smiles at kevin as he drives. “that’s good, kev, i’m proud of you for that.” and he doesn’t make him explain, or ask questions. he takes it at face and lets it go, and it makes kevin want to bask in the feeling he gets from it. it’s a different kind of trust than he’s used to.

he texts andrew that he’s not coming home for the night. as soon as they get inside dalton’s place he has his lips on kevin’s. “looked really hot tonight,” he mumbles and lets kevin walk him backwards towards his room. “wish you still had your uniform on. so strong,” and squeals when kevin picks him up.

“stop talking, d”

the next morning dalton drops him off at the stadium for training. he doesn’t see anyone else there, so he lets dalton grab his face and kiss him before climbing out with a smile.

it fades when he sees nicky and allison staring at him as they exit the stadium. he forgot it was therapy week for the team.

kevin freezes up. nicky’s grinning, and allison continues walking to her car. “wait!” nicky wiggles his eyebrows when kevin grabs his arm. “for once in your life, nicky, please don’t tell anyone.”

and it’s weird, because nicky kind of loses his smile. “are you gay? or bisexual?”

shrug. “second.”

“are you serious about not telling people? you’re obviously not out yet.” kevin nods, and nicky smiles. “i won’t tell. i can keep secrets, you know, when they matter.”

kevin looks to allison, who looks to nicky. “we’ve all noticed you hanging out with that guy lately. if a bet about you two boning comes up we’re splitting the pot.” nicky nods. “secrets safe with me, then.”

kevin doesn’t tell them that andrew and neil know. allison’s stubborn and he’s lucky he got her to keep her mouth shut on the first try.

he’s still moody during practice, though. on their way back, andrew drives right past fox tower and to dalton’s apartment. kevin doesn’t even realize until the car stops. “what are-“

“get out. you’re not allowed back until your mood is gone.” and kevin could just walk back. it’s only a fifteen minute walk, honestly, but he doesn’t really want to. he wants dalton to wrap his body around him so he can take a nap and he wants to just hug him. he’s realized over time that he’s been incredibly touch starved, and he’s become a fan of bear hugs.

he could feel himself distracted during practice, worrying himself over if he should tell the public that he’s bi to get ahead of it and worrying over what he and dalton are. if it’s going in a direction that would even give him reason to come out.

so when dalton lets him in with a smile at the unexpected visit, kevin kind of falls into his arms and hugs him. “can you hold me.” it’s a different type of vulnerability, but dalton takes it with grace.

and eventually, when dalton’s lying on him with a hand in his hair, he asks, “do you wanna be my boyfriend?”

kevin snaps his head to look at him. he runs his hand up dalton’s bare back. “i’ve never been in a real relationship before. my last one... she was toxic for me.” triggering would be more accurate.

“that’s okay,” he whispers, his hand slides down to kevin’s face and he drags his thumb down his lip. “just want you, kev.”

it’s the first time he thinks he’s ever heard something along those lines, and it hits so deep. he rolls over dalton and kisses him into the mattress.

the foxes have a field day with it.

kevin doesn’t tell them, but he realizes two weeks later that allison was right when she guessed about them starting bets, and it doesn’t help when kevin brings dalton back to the suite only to find the upperclassmen and cousins all spread out on the couches and floor- minus renee and aaron. he freezes and starts to walk backwards but andrew steps in front of him. “stay.”

“why.” but andrew doesn’t answer because he’s already said his piece, and kevin almost ignores him until neil pulls the vice captain card and forces him to stay.

kevin wants to hit him.

“it’s fine, kev,” dalton practically pulls him to the group. dan greets him first and introduces herself. “we’re playing never have i ever, drinking edition, if you wanna play, but you’ve got to drink for kevin, too”

and dalton’s wanted kevin’s friends to like him ever since he first saw them, so he doesn’t really want to say no.

“this is a bad idea. they don’t play nice,” kevin says to dalton. and he’s right. the foxes don’t really play the game right, and all they do is go for each other.

kevin starts.

never have i ever payed a guy to knock me out: neil takes a drink with murder in his eyes. andrew’s behind him and flicks the back of his head. he isn’t playing, but he’s not letting neil get wasted without being close by. and also, he kind of lives there.

never have i ever gone to a peaceful exy banquet: no one drinks, and for some reason it makes them all burst into laughter.

never have i ever done cracker dust: dan says that one with a drunk pointed look. the cousins, neil, and dalton for kevin all drink.

never have i ever had a panic attack over getting a phone: neil

never have i ever kissed the same gender: neil, nicky, allison, dalton takes two swigs.

never have i ever dated someone outside of exy: nicky and dalton for kevin.

never have i ever broken a bone: kevin, matt, aaron

broken a hand: kevin

witnessed kevin having a meltdown: everyone

lived with my dad for two years without telling him he was my dad: kevin shoots daggers at allison. dalton drinks for him.

had to get shitfaced to get a tattoo: kevin

sent neil to west virginia: kevin

seen kevin’s real smile: dalton, neil

dated kevin: dalton. it settles a few bets all at once.

given kevin a blowjob: dalton laughs before taking a drink, but that’s the last straw for kevin. he’s sober as all hell and not letting them take the piss out of him and dalton like this. “we’re leaving.” he pulls dalton up.

dalton has an arm around his shoulders and his head ducked by kevin’s. “s’fun, hm?”

kevin’s not having it. it was not fun and he had reasons he didn’t want dalton meeting the foxes yet and the whole thing was fucked over because neil pulled the VC card and dalton was too nice to decline it.

neil says, in french. “you knew he’d find out at some point”

kevin is furious. “none of you had the right pulling the shit you did tonight. i’ll fucking kill you.” and he grabs dalton by the waist to escort him out.

all posts/updates relating to this au can be found in the “OC: dalton miller” tag!

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thejostenator · 3 years

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The Foxhole Cinema: Chapter Twelve

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Neil was still partially on autopilot, going through the motions of running without conscious thought. His legs moved of their own accord and in that moment, he could have been running from anyone, anywhere. Renee’s firm grip on his wrist could have been his Mother’s, Stuart's, even Abby's. Neil caught glimpses of his surroundings through the haze of his panic, distant and fuzzy as if on the other side of frosted glass. He was running through a tunnel, dark walls closing in on him, the floor pitching and swaying beneath his feet.

What would Andrew say? Three panic attacks in a day, Neilio, I’m impressed.

That thought grounded him somehow, and the hotel faded back into focus around him, starting with the thick carpets muffling their footsteps. Neil was sure that even if the carpets stopped Lola and Jean from hearing their footsteps, they would hear his harsh breaths or the pounding of his heart against his ribcage. Neil didn’t even know if they had even noticed them, but they couldn't risk it. Andrew and Renee didn’t know who Lola was, but Neil knew they understood the consequences of being caught by anyone meeting with the Moriyamas. All of a sudden, he was acutely aware of Renee's grip on his wrist, a little too close to his Mother's for comfort. He shook his hand out of hers and Andrew followed suit, but they didn’t stop running until Renee ground to a halt, her pastel hair whipping her shoulders.

Neil and Andrew stopped a few seconds later and hurried back to where Renee stood studying what looked like just another a numbered door. Renee pointed to the sign hanging from the doorknob that read Please do not clean my room while I am out.

"Empty," Andrew said. "Smart."

Renee nodded and held out her hand to him. “Lockpicks.”

Andrew passed them to her and she slipped them into the lock- for such a fancy hotel, it was odd they still used keys- and moved them with precise motions, instinctual in the same way as Neil’s. He didn't know whether to feel smug or worried that he'd been right about Renee. There was more to her than met the eye, beneath her sugar sweet mask.

She pulled the door open, hurrying inside, and Andrew and Neil followed her in. She pressed the door gently shut behind them and slid to a sitting position against it, fingers closing around the brass necklace in the shape of a cross that hung around her neck as she murmured something too quiet for Neil to hear.

“We’ll wait in here until they pass,” she said after she was finished, “then we’ll head back out the way we came.”

Andrew spared her a glance and sat down on the floor with Renee. He looked up at Neil, eyes narrow. “Are you planning to stand?”

Neil sighed and went to sit down next to him.

"Whilst you're up, can you turn the lights on?" Renee asked serenely.

"No lights," Neil said. "The room is supposed to be empty."

Renee accepted that calmly, and Neil lowered himself down to the floor.

“So,” Andrew said, “Who was that woman?”

“What?” Neil jolted, head banging against the wall behind hin.

“You recognised her,” Andrew said blandly, “and had another panic attack. Not too well timed either.”

“I didn’t recognize her specifically,” Neil lied, “but her bandages reminded me of… a bad time in my life.”

Renee sent Andrew a significant look, and Andrew raised one thin, blond eyebrow in response, before turning back to Neil. “Fine. You can keep your secrets for now.”

“I told you the truth,” Neil hissed.

“Sure,” Andrew scoffed, “A lie by omission is still a lie.”

That was something Neil’s Mother had said plenty of times on the run, to Nathan in the house, to Stuart once in London, and Neil fought the rising panic back again. He was completely floored already- another panic attack would probably knock him out.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, broken only by the sound of Andrew shuffling to lie on the floor and drumming his fingers on the wall.

“Do you think we can go now?” Renee asked.

Andrew paused. “We’ll give it a few more-”

He stopped abruptly, freezing like a statue. The door handle was rattling, moving up and down as someone tried to open it. Renee scurried away from the door and it swung open, revealing a short woman standing in the doorway.

Her mouth hung open in shock as she took in Neil, Andrew, and Renee crouched on the floor of her room. Her hands travelled to her hips in a gesture that looked more disappointed than shocked, settling around the plain blue dress she wore. She took one more step into the room and closed the door behind her, slipping off her beige jacket and purse and hanging them on a coat hook.

“Andrew, Renee, I didn’t expect to see you here,” she said slowly, before turning to Neil, “I assume you must be Neil.”

Neil nodded suspiciously. How did she know who he was?

“We didn’t expect to see you here either,” Andrew replied, his speech surprisingly absent of scorn. “Why do you have a hotel room here when you live nearby?”

“Well, Andrew,” the lady said, “That is a very obvious attempt to change the subject, but one that I will let go unchallenged since it is so fresh on my mind.”

The lady flicked on the lights, and Neil blinked in the sudden brightness. When Andrew and Renee rose from the floor, he copied them.

“This hotel is the location of some interviews for the documentary being made about the paper I write for,” the lady said, and suddenly Neil had a good idea of who she was, “and everyone involved gets a room here. I was just out trying to explain to the lady at reception that I don’t need it, but she wouldn’t have a word of it.”

“Are you Betsy then?” Neil asked. “Renee mentioned that you came to the Foxhole to review movies all the time.”

The lady’s face broke into a smile. “Please, call me Bee.”

“Bee,” Neil repeated. Why anyone would want to be called that was beyond him.

“So,” Bee said, “Now that I’ve indulged your topic change, I’m going to change it right back. What are you doing in my hotel room?”

Andrew grimaced. “You can’t let this one time slide, Bee?”

“I’d need to know what exactly I’m letting slide,” Bee said softly. “So I’d like it very much if you’d explain.”

Andrew looked to Renee, who somehow made shrugging look like a knowledgable gesture before she turned to Bee. “Seth was found injured here recently, and we wondered why here specifically, so we came to investigate.”

“In my room specifically?” Bee asked, one thin eyebrow rising up her forehead, much like Andrew's had before. Neil wondered if he'd learned the expression from her.

“Well, we didn’t go in here via the front entrance,” Renee said, “and a cleaner was coming our way. You left the door unlocked, so we dipped inside.”

Bee paused for a moment, considering. “Let’s say for a moment that I believed that. Why would you expect to find answers inside the hotel when he was found outside?”

“We didn’t think we’d find anything,” Renee said, “it was a long shot. Alli’s not taken it too well, and any information would help her.”

“Bless her soul,” Bee said, “and please wish her well. It was terrible what happened to Seth.”

Renee nodded. “I’ll pass on your well-wishes.”

“Well,” Bee said, clapping her hands together, “I think that’s enough interrogation for today. I’m a movie reviewer, not a therapist.”

“Can we go then?” Neil asked.

“You can go," Bee answered, "Out of the hotel. No more snooping.”

Andrew took that on his chin. He looked like he was about to leave, when he paused and turned around. “Bee, who’s making your documentary?”

“I think Edgar Allen,” Bee said, “I know you don’t show their movies, but the paper thinks they’re reputable enough.”

Andrew left the room without another word, leaving Renee to apologise for his impolite exit. Bee waved it off, seemingly not minding. Renee wished Bee well before leading Neil from the room after Andrew, who was already waiting out the back of the hotel, by the time they got there.

“So,” he said, relocking the Staff Entrance, “Seth is beat to hell and back and dropped right outside the place where the Moriyamas are in town filming, and Kevin gets a call from Ricecake Moreyams trying to get him to heel.”

Renee nodded, closing the door behind her and locking it.

“Why would they put him right where they’re filming?” Neil asked. “Wouldn’t that be too obvious?”

“They’re mocking us,” Andrew said, “testing the waters. Soon, they’re going to try take Kevin back.”

“Surely giving Kevin back to the mafia would get them off our backs and, since they’re so invincible, Kevin to safety,” Neil said slowly. “Why not just give him back?”

Andrew turned to Neil, stony-faced. “It was Riko who broke Kevin’s legs.”

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aftgsucks · 3 years

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NMFTG CHapter 9

Building a Headache

Neil tries to avoid everyone

ao3 chapter under cut

In the days since the attack, Seth had been acting erratic. To the point that even Neil noticed despite his best efforts to avoid everyone. He made a quick escape after Coach had showed back up on Sunday. Hiding out behind the dorms in the grass until sundown.

There was just- too much going on. All the blabbing about how the guy disappeared, how the cops weren’t looking into it. All the Foxes talking over each other, he wanted no part in it. But he couldn’t avoid them at practice.

Seth wasn’t there, not Monday or Tuesday, he was benched for two days for almost being murdered. Go figure. Neil found himself wondering how benched he would be if Coach ever found out how many people were trying to kill him. Forever probably. If anyone on the team knew the truth, the whole truth, he can’t imagine they’d ever let him stay.

The upperclassmen were subdued at practice and whenever Neil saw Seth he seemed to switch between being a huge asshole and being a quiet asshole- well just quiet but Seth made even that seem angry and ripe with angst.

They all seemed thrown by the attempted murder, Neil found it all exhausting. If he wanted to face his mortality he’d just look in the mirror.

He’d figured his stunt the day prior would get them all to give a bit of distance. But Matt and Dan kept trying to talk to him. He should have known better, the upperclassmen still tried to make nice with Andrew and the guy had the disposition of a rabid dog- Neil’d know.

At night practice Monday, Kevin had gone ahead to set up, getting ready faster then Neil. When Neil walked past the section of stadium that Andrew always sprawled against, he’d spoken up.

“I thought you said you weren’t running anymore and yet no one’s seen you all day.”

“This isn’t running, it’s healthy avoidance.” If Neil were running again he wouldn’t be showing up at night practice no matter how much of an effort Kevin put into using actual words instead of secret codes.

“You look like a rabbit hopping around to avoid everyone.”

“Fuzzy ears too?” Neil deadpanned back as he turned to keep walking before Kevin got impatient on the court.

He walked out of his Calc class Tuesday only to immediately turn around at the sight of Matt and Dan waiting for him. He ducked out through an unalarmed fire exit and made a beeline for the library. He did have to admit it was awfully rabbity of him.

Studying. It was studying time. The two of them would go back to the dorms or whatever and Neil could do his homework in peace before afternoon practice.

There was a low level of chatter throughout the entire library, completely silent spaces saved for room students had to reserve. The main room was large- tables, chairs, computers, dingy couches, the expected amount of books and shelves. It measured up to just about any other library Neil had been in over the years.

He instantly found an empty table to drop his bag on, pulling out his workbooks. This was simple, easy. Math had always been easier than people. He got through almost half of the problems when he leaned back to stretch and noticed Matt and Dan stroll in.

Fuck.

Neil swiped everything off the table immediately looking for an out or a hiding spot. He did not want to talk. He yanked his hood up and weaved through tables and then hopped over the back of a couch ducking his head as he settled on it. He craned his neck to see back over without being visible and saw the two of them sitting at a table by the front. He’d need to find a different exit.

“Josten, what the fuck?” Aaron loudly asked from right next to Neil who had not noticed him. All of Neil’s things slid out of his arms and onto the floor.

“Shut up, if Dan and Matt realize I’m here I’m screwed.” He sank lower on the couch, glancing at Aaron, who seemed more pissed off than bewildered, and the girl sitting next to him, who seemed entirely bewildered. He didn’t bother with his things yet, if Minyard gave him away he wouldn’t be able to escape even if it was all packed up.

“Why are you screwed?” The girl asked.

“Who are you?” Neil asked, “wait, don’t answer that-”

“Josten!” Aaron repeated.

“Shhh” He glanced over again to make sure Dan and Matt were still on the other side of the room.

“Go away,” Aaron’s voice was filled with barely restrained anger.

Neil looked around for another exit, there wasn’t one that he could get to unseen without having to crawl around on the floor. He wasn’t crawling around on the floor.

“No, I’m stuck here until Matt and Dan leave.”

“Just walk out!”

“Then they’ll want to talk to me!”

“Oh my god! You anti-social freak.” Pot meet kettle, Neil had never even seen Aaron with anyone other than his family and Kevin. Although, considering it appeared that not only did Aaron know a woman but she felt comfortable enough around him to admonish him for the attempted insult, maybe he wasn’t as anti-social as Neil had assumed.

“You must be Neil, the new guy. I’m Katelyn,” the girl greeted, pausing for a moment as if that would mean anything. “With the Vixens.”

“Right, there’s cheerleaders.” Neil realized, still not at all recognizing her.

“You are not staying here.” Aaron said.

“You’re taking calc?” Katelyn asked, leaning down and picking up the workbook from the floor.

“No,” Aaron groaned.

“Are you in the morning class or the afternoon one?” She flipped through the workbook.

“Afternoon?” Neil checked to make sure Dan and Matt were still far away- they were.

“I’m in the morning one-”

“Kat-” Aaron tried to interrupt.

“And I can’t believe he’s already assigning homework and I honestly have no idea what’s going on and it seems like you’re ahead-”

“Please-” Aaron tried again.

“So, do you?” Katelyn ignored him.

“What?” Neil asked.

“Do you understand Calculus?”

“Who are you again?”

“Katelyn,” Aaron turned to her, “he’s fucking creepy.”

“That’s what everyone told me about you.” She said gently. “Neil, do you understand Calculus?”

Neil wouldn’t have minded much if someone had burst into the room then to shoot him. He’d mind a little, but not much.

“Yes,” he settled on, still not sure of what was going on.

“Awesome, so could you explain the first problem to me for lesson three?”

“Don’t all the athletes get tutors?”

“We do,” she paused for a moment. “Mine are less than helpful and I was actually just asking Aaron if he knew anyone who could help me because if I don’t understand the fundamentals then I’m definitely gonna fail and low and behold you literally fall from the sky. So, if you helped me out I’d owe you one.”

Neil did not want to speak to Katelyn, she seemed to talk a lot. He did not want to spend quality time with anyone much less Aaron Minyard. He was stuck on this couch until Matt and Dan left.

“Fine, but you don’t owe me there is nothing you could possibly give me.”

“Really? Most people wouldn’t even hesitate before asking me to set them up with another Vixen.”

“I’ll actually consider us even if you never do that.”

“Got it,” she held her hands up in surrender.

Neil realized that he just agreed to helping Katelyn at the same time Aaron did.

“What did I do today to deserve this?” Aaron said.

“I’d consider this worse for me than you.” Neil murmured, taking his workbook back and looking at the problem.

Katelyn patted Aaron on the arm.

Neil explained the problem, once. Checking periodically that Matt and Dan were still studying. Katelyn asked questions, Aaron mostly brooded. Neil answered both to pass time and because he couldn’t help himself. He knew the answer, he had to say it.

“You’re really good at this Neil, thank you.” Katelyn said.

“Okay.” He had no idea how to respond to that. His neck was starting to hurt from the weird position he was sitting in. Katelyn looked at Aaron and then stood up. She winked at Neil- who in turn asked “what the fuck?”

Katelyn went across the room almost skipping up to Dan and Matt emphatically talking.

“Oh What-”

“Can it, Josten. She’s gonna get them to leave.”

“What are you two telepathic?”

“No, I just know her and Katelyn’s not the type to sell anyone out. Speaking of- this,” Aaron gestured around. “Doesn’t get back to Andrew, got it?” he was trying to be threatening. Compared to Andrew it was sort of funny, compared to Neil’s dad or Lola it was down right comedic gold.

“I don’t care enough about you to gossip to Andrew.” Neil told him. “I’m also not one of you goons that has to report back to him.”

“I don’t have to do anything.”

“Right,” Neil raised an eyebrow, “which is why you and the cheerleader are hiding in a library.”

“You’re hiding here too fuckface.”

“Yes, to avoid this.” Neil glanced back over his shoulder and sure enough Katelyn had gotten Matt and Dan up and moving out of the library. He jammed all of his things on the floor back into his backpack. “This was terrible, let's not do it again.”

“I’d rather die.” Aaron said. Seemed a bit dramatic but Neil had to agree. It was the most time he had ever spent talking to Aaron and it made him understand exactly why that was.

He went out the now accessible exit of the library checking to make sure there weren’t any lurking Foxes.

He was starting to get a headache, Wednesday wasn’t any better. Not with Seth back at practice oscillating between hostile comments and staring into the distance. Not with the other overly dramatic Minyard deciding it was his time to shine. One cryptic phone call from a cop and a punch directly to the wall and Andrew was off leaving behind a host of confused Foxes.

“Answer’s now, Aaron.” Wymack said the second the door slammed behind Andrew.

“I don’t know,” Aaron said.

Neil went back to stretching, shaking his head and deciding this wasn’t his business. Even ignoring the shit Andrew had pulled with Neil, his past had at least four dudes nearly beaten to death. Neil was good, he had enough problems.

“My ass you don’t.” Coach continued.

Neil tried to find the right angle to stretch to fix the tweak in his neck.

“I don’t know. I don’t know why Higgins is calling. Call him back or take it up with Andrew if you want answers. He was Andrew’s mentor, not mine. I only met the guy once.”

“He obviously left an impression if you still remember him.”

“Oh, is he-” Nicky interjected, trailing off.

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “He’s the one who told me I had a brother.”

“What the fuck?” Allison asked.

“Allison.” Renee scolded gently.

“No, you can’t just fucking drop that on us. Explain, fun sized.”

“Fuck you Reynolds,” Aaron shot back..

“In your sweet dreams.”

“Aren’t we supposed to be practicing?’ Neil loudly asked because Kevin hadn’t already.

Coach knocked everyone into gear, ordering them all to gossip on their own time. And they went into the usual aggressive drills.

After practice, Neil saw a prophetic vision of everyone being super annoying in every car on the short drive back to the dorms, so he jogged back instead. He walked straight past all the Foxes standing around the parking lot.

“Hey Neil,” Nicky called.

“Don’t care.” Neil called back, going directly into the building. He checked his pockets for his cigarettes and went out the side entrance of the dorms. Going to the back to sit in the grass.

He figured that the Foxes would have some kind of group meeting, sans Andrew and Aaron. They all had too many questions and Nicky was always quick with answers in an effort to make others like him. Neil decided that explaining theorems to Katelyn was enough communication for the week. Maybe next week he’d be a nosey bitch.

On Friday they had a six hour drive to Belmonte University for a game. After he finished the last of his homework, Neil spent the rest of the ride staring up at the ceiling and debating whether jumping out of the window of a speeding bus would be less painful then his headache.

When they got to the stadium after a quick dinner, Neil was once more glad that he’d ripped the bandaid of his scars off early. As Belmonte had no shower stalls. If he’d been attempting to live that would have been a conundrum. One that likely would have ended with him kicked off the team for reeking. But alas he didn’t have that problem.

Once they were all suited up, Neil stared out at the Terrapins. He didn’t think they’d win. Everyone was still on edge from Seth’s attempted murder and Andrew’s phone call. Which meant they were all taking it out on each other. Part of Neil realized he’d probably die before he won another Exy game.

He saw orange and turned as the Vixen’s filed out to their bench. Right, cheerleaders. Sure enough as all the cheerleaders started checking each other over for ticks or something in a flurry of movement, Katelyn was stood entirely still staring at the Foxes. She made eye contact with Neil and then before he could look away she waved.

“Hey Neil,” she yelled.

“Damn, Neil. I get it- you’re too cool for us because you're stealing Aaron’s girlfriend.” Nicky whistled, giving a wave to Katelyn back when it became obvious Neil wouldn’t.

“She’s not my girlfriend.” Aaron corrected.

“Jesus fucking christ.” Neil shook his head. He had the distinct feeling that he was being used.

“How’d you meet Katelyn?” Matt asked.

“She goes to the same school as us.” Neil unhelpfully informed him.

Wymack interrupted with his pre-game speech and they were off. It was a disaster. Neil was sort of shocked to find that his night practices with Kevin were paying off, his accuracy and force were both improving. Although he kept finding himself wanting to just run down players instead of passing or making shots. He managed to restrain himself for a while but quickly got tired of some dude calling him a ‘spineless rookie,’ in a grating voice. So he tackled him into the wall.

They lost by two points. Miraculously no one got a red card, but half the team had yellows, Neil included. Everyone moved back into the building, Renee and Dan hanging back for press. They showered and changed out, getting back on the bus for the ride home.

It was late when they got back and Neil went straight to sleep. Waking up with a headache to an empty dorm. A mostly empty dorm he realized when he stepped out of the bedroom and found Seth drunk on the floor in front of the couch in a pile of blankets and pillows.

Neil started to back up back into the bedroom.

“Neil?” Seth asked.

Neil hesitated a moment too long.

“You were right, weren’t you. I’m the weak link.” For once Seth didn’t angry. He didn’t sound like anything. “We’re just gonna keep being a piece of shit losing team. Cause I’m a piece a shitand I keep hitting everyone.” All of his words slurred together but Neil understood enough.

Neil wondered where everyone was. Wondered if not having a headache would make him more inclined to comfort Seth. Wondered if Seth would die anyways. If the both of them died this season the team wouldn’t have enough players.

“You’re right.’ Neil told him, squatting down in front of Seth and taking the bottle from him. “If you weren’t there picking fights the team would be better.”

“Fuck you.”

“What do you want Seth, why stick out this long?” Neil asked. Seth was the last remaining member of the original Fox line-up handpicked by Wymack to launch his charitable Fox den. The only one to make it to the fifth year.

“I don’t have anything else, this is it.” He sat up with a wobble and gestured around to the dorm nearly falling back over. “And fucking stupid Riko almost ended it in a fucking bar bathroom.”

Neil put the bottle out of his reach and spotted Seth’s phone under the couch.

“What. Do. You. Want?” Neil’s head was pounding. “Who’d attend your funeral, huh? Allison? You two have broken up twice since I met you. The team? Certainly not Nicky or Kevin. At least Renee might cry for you if you died. No family- I’m guessing. Maybe Riko would have shown up to gloat about killing you. Fucking pull it together. You want to stop being expendable, then fucking knock it off. Because your pity party is giving me a migraine. You’ve been on the team for five years, stop being useless.”

Neil reached over and grabbed Seth’s phone. “Are you mad at Riko? Then play the fucking game. You’ve met Kevin, he’s like him but worse. All that fuck cares about Exy. So suck it up, leave Nicky alone, listen to Kevin, and stop picking fights. The team will win and maybe when you die someone will say nice things about you.”

“And what’ll they say at yours, huh? Little bitch.” Seth was still swaying.

“Probably,” Neil sighed. “Now, who am I calling because if you start throwing up I will not stop you from drowning in it.” He held up the phone.

“Bitch,” Seth repeated, reaching for his phone. Neil leaned out of the way. “Ally.” Seth said when he couldn’t reach. “Call her.”

Neil rolled his eyes and looked through the contacts for Allison.

#aftg #fanfiction #fan fic #no more fucks to give #neil josten

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the-fandom-queen · 4 years

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The Foxes Team Manager AU

Part 3

-so it's new years, everyone is back, everything's fine, Neil's hair is red-

-wait why is Neil's hair red???

-and why did Matt punch Kevin???

-direct quote from Sahana: "it's too early in the year for this shit"

-but once THAT is sorted out everything is kinda normal

-the first 2 games happen and Neil runs his big mouth

-thank God Sahana doesn't live at fox tower because after the "riko planned car crash" their insurance probably wouldn't cover the vandalism from the raven fan attack

-Despite her best efforts, Sahana couldn't stop Andrew from choking Allison

-she does however, spends the next 3 week making sure Allison is ok

-so like I'm pretty sure nothing massive happens in between this and the riot (besides andreil ofc but that's a secret for now)

-so we're at the riot

- Disclaimer: I see Sahana as around 6 feet

- so at the riot her first instinct is to make sure the short people are ok (she have a lot of short friends so it's second nature by now)

-Aaron and Andrew are good but where's Neil???

-She spend most of the riot looking for Neil and making sure Seth doesn't get himself killed

-but she couldn't find him

-when everyone realizes Neil is missing, shit hits the fan

-BUT, when Andrew realizes that Kevin knew something, our lovely manager steps in because there has been enough violence for one day

-Sahana stand in front of Kevin when Andrew begins to approach him

-Andrew pauses, and then realizes what he was gonna do, and stops

-so there, no ch*king Kevin

-so fast forward to the hotel

-everyone is so relieved that Neil is back

-Sahana (ie. The only one with basic survival skills) ignores Allison's comment on andreil and changes the topic before Andrew commits murder

-so back at fox tower, the team discussing how to handle the press with the whole "neil/nathanial" thing

-after Neil and Kevin's French convo, Kevin looks blatantly upset so after everyone but him goes to leaves, Sahana stays backs and ask him what's up

- cue Kevin telling her that wymack is his father and he has to tell him

- so she goes with Kevin to tell Wymack, solely as silent support but Kevin appreciates it

-after they get back to the tower, the team is planning a vacation since they all missed their flights home

-so to the cabins they go

-another tid bit of info: Dan and Sahana are CLOSE

-Dan doesn't think she could run the team with her

-so, when Sahana sees Kevin all fucked up after his talk with Dan, she goes to talk to Dan

-deadass this is the first argument the 2 have ever had with each other

-in the end however, both parties are better for it

-so the team is back to school and the exy championship

-more facts about Sahana because this is going to be relevant soon: she’s from texas

- so zoom forward to the Trojans game

-so when Jeremy Knox walks over to the team to give them their roster, he goes and just,,,,bear hugs Sahana

-everyone else is just stunned

-Sahana explains that they are friends with Jermey from high school (yes im saying Jeremy is from texas, this is the hill I will die on)

-(Jeremy and Sahana made a bet as to whose team would win the game.When the teams were shaking hands at the end of the game Jeremy hands Kevin $50 dollars to give to Sahana for him)(Kevin is very confused by this)

-so zoom again to the ravens game

-the chaotic energy is kicking in

-Sahana convinces Seth to invite his brothers

-his 3 younger ones and 1 of his older ones show up but that's off topic

-the game is stressful as fuck but THEY WIN

-the Riko fuckface tries to ruin it

-then Andrew finally performs an act of violence that Sahana can actually agree with

-the team goes home and Sahana is happy for her problem children (and relieved that she graduate next year)

Part 1 Part 2

#OC: Sahana Joesphs #neil josten #andrew minyard #kevin day #dan wilds #Allison Reynolds #renee Walker #matt boyd #seth Gordon #david wymack #aaron minyard #nicky Hemmick #jeremy knox #palmento foxes #aftg #all for the game

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luvbug724 · 4 years

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hiii ive been thinking abt neil running post-tkm whatre ur thoughts on that 🤨 i feel its not Too common but it comes up often enough in fandom and is always triggered in neil by something so he runs and either comes back or doesnt but i cant rlly see that happening? also similarly do u think neil would have some troubles w accepting permanence in his life? i was thinking hed def have some habits he wouldnt need anymore but w main threats gone + a life he wants to keep it wldnt be a huge issue..

WAIT my last ask when i say like permanence ex: neil panicking abt captaincy in tkm do u think hed have similar experiences later on w similar aspects of living in one place? (and this maybe triggering the need to run in turn)

holy cow first of all i got so excited when i got this ask you don’t even know. this has definitely been something that’s been sitting in the back of my mind but it was never something that bothered me enough to share online. SECOND of all, i mean absolutely no disrespect to anybody who might disagree with me on this or has written neil in this scenario-- it’s all fiction we’re all having fun here and my characterization may differ from yours and that’s fine! even if i might not be a fan of the concept i still read and support fics that include it if i like the writing :) this got very long and some people probably won’t be interested in reading it, so my response is under the cut :’)

but as for your question, anon, i completely agree with you. when i got this notification the first scene my mind went to was chapter nine of tkm right after wymack offers neil the vice captaincy. this was, probably, one of the worst sequences of events that could have possibly happened to neil: some of his most fundamental lies are exposed to his team, he’s confronted with his past, he has to reveal some truths that he never planned on saying, and now here’s his coach insisting on a future he so desperately wants but doesn’t think he’ll live long enough to have. neil should have already had a new name in a new country three months ago and instead he’s at palmetto state in the public eye right for the moriyamas and wesninskis to watch.

and what does he do?

He didn't remember pulling it from his pocket or making the decision to dial out. He lowered it and tapped a button, thinking maybe he'd imagined things, but Andrew's name was on his display and the timer put the call at almost a minute already.

Neil put the phone back to his ear, but he couldn't find the words for the wretched feeling that was tearing away at him. In three months championships would be over. In four months he'd be dead. In five months the Foxes would be right back here for summer practices with six new faces. Neil could count his life on one hand now. On the other hand was the future he couldn't have: vice-captain, captain, Court. Neil had no right to mourn these missed chances. He'd gotten more than he deserved this year; it was selfish to ask for more.

He should be grateful for what he had, and gladder still that his death would mean something. He was going to drag his father and the Moriyamas down with him when he went, and they'd never recover from the things he said. It was justice when he'd never thought he'd get any and revenge for his mother's death. He thought he'd come to terms with it but that hollow ache was back in his chest where it had no right to be. Neil felt like he was drowning.

Neil found his voice at last, but the best he had was, "Come and get me from the stadium.”

andrew grounds him, comes for him, and makes sure that neil can’t run. but this was just one very extreme situation, so here’s how i think his future may play out: no matter how much neil wants to go, he needs to stay even more. and, unlike the above situation, neil now has explicit permission (a command, even) to stay with the foxes, to stay with his family. i think he will be fine for a long while until there comes a moment where he realizes that he’s here to stay and he has a home and he has the foxes and he has andrew and it’s honestly a toss up as to how he would react. the first option would be that it’s overwhelming in a very, very good way and nothing much changes. the second option (which seems way more in character for neil) is instead: he panics, and he needs something to keep him tethered to psu. he might seek out andrew like he did in canon or he might try to hide it to not worry him, but i’d place my bets on somewhere in the middle where he makes sure andrew knows whats going on but tries to downplay its importance.

anyways, i wrote all this before i even checked with nora’s ec to see if she’s said anything in a similar context and she DID and and it was pretty much compliant with my ideas which i am very happy about:

“He’s more likely to walk away or tell Neil to get over it or look right past whatever existential/psychological crisis Neil is having. Neil’s grumpiness after a loss are brushed aside unimportant, and his aggravation over uncooperative teammates is nothing to pity him for.

But once in a long while Neil will hit a ledge he has to be pulled back from, and that’s what Andrew does. Like in Baltimore, when Neil is trying to say Do you want me to go, and Andrew catches hold and tells him Stay. This is how Andrew comforts: by being a stabilizing force, an anchor to keep Neil at home, a place to rest his weight and his secrets. Honestly, that’s what Neil needs.” (Andrew comforting Neil)

“Impatience kind of worked in Baltimore, but I guess it’s not a one-size-fits-all kind of ordeal. Forced eye contact and Look at me and a ruder calm down right now. ((Thanks Andrew, really sympathetic of you)) Andrew gives Neil the weight to connect him to the real world: a hand on the back of his neck or fingers hooked in the collar of his shirt to drag Neil home to him.” (Andrew re: Neil’s panic attacks)

now, as for neil adjusting to just a plain stationary life, i think he’d adjust relatively easily. his entire life was fitting in which i don’t think he’d have a big problem with, but the new element of how he’s not pretending anymore, he’s just neil josten, might throw him off a little bit. there’s likely going to be some habits he picked up that he can’t shake and some associations (alcohol isn’t for fun, it’s an anesthetic is one that comes to mind) that he never quite gets rid of but despite how much might get thrown at him, after everything he survived freshman year it’d take a fucking lot to push him to his breaking point.

#is this coherant? who knows!#but tysm for the ask i love sharing my opinions its very fun #aftg #aftg meta #neil josten

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darkblueboxs · 4 years

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Behind the Scenes: Iron and Ember

These are scenes from earlier versions of Iron and Ember that ended up getting completely rewritten in later drafts. I felt bad about leaving them to rot in my files forever though, so consider this an insight into the writing process/ an au of an au/ bonus content/ whatever

(Link here if you haven’t read I&E!)

This one comes after Neil and Kevin are attacked by Riko in the forest. It was later replaced by the boat confrontation to fix issues with characterisation/plot holes, but I’m still a sucker for the angstier elements, so:

They wait until the dawn of the following day to return to what remains of the Fox’s camp. The battlements lie in smoulders, their tents shredded and their shelters kicked to pieces. There is no sign of the other foxes. No blood, no bodies, nothing.

In the middle of the main pavilion they find the body of a fox-antelope, its orange fur matted with red. Neil levers the scroll out from beneath its head and scans it over before handing it to Kevin.

The Foxes have been captured. Riko will release them on one condition; Kevin hands himself over. If not, they will all be killed.

The sound Kevin makes is not recognisable as he falls to his knees. Neil stays standing, but barely. For as long as he can remember, being captured by the Fire Nation was Neil’s greatest fear. It’s only now, faced with the loss of his Foxes, that he realises there is something he fears more than his own death.

He hauls Kevin back to his feet despite the shaking of his own limbs. Kevin’s expression echoes the white-hot fear shaking through Neil’s body. For months, both of them have lived in the relative safety of the Foxes’ encampment, both leaning on the sturdy foundations of Andrew’s protection. The steady presence both of them have grown accustomed to has been ripped out from beneath them, and the ground no longer feels sturdy beneath Neil’s feet. It takes a few moments to remember how to breathe again; when Neil opens his eyes, Kevin is bolting towards the camp’s perimeter.

Thankfully, Neil has always been the quickest of all of them. He tackles Kevin to the ground. The following fight is quick, vicious, and without a clear winner, both of them too exhausted after a night of fight and flight to come out on top.

“You’re not going back to them,” Neil snarls, hands fisting in his collar. “One of us has to survive! Don’t you understand? One of has to make it.”

Kevin grips Neil’s wrist, trying to wrench it back. “And it’s going to be you.”

“No,” says Neil, and it’s as though all the fight leaves him in one syllable. “No, it isn’t.”

Kevin doesn’t understand; Kevin can never understand, because the day he discovers who Neil really is will be the day that Neil’s life with the Foxes is over. Neil can barely live with the danger he puts them in as a runaway of the Fire Nation. Now Kevin and Riko know he isn’t just any runaway, but the Butcher’s son, and the danger has doubled. If any of them discovered that he was an avatar, they wouldn’t stand a chance. Riko would tear the world apart to get his hands on Neil, and destroy anyone who tried to stand in his way.

And they would try to stand in his way. Neil’s Foxes, stubborn, obstinate, endlessly caring. They never know when to back down from a fight, and he loves them for it. They wouldn’t give Neil up without a fight.

This leaves him with only one option.

He has to let them go.

“I have a plan.” He lets go of Kevin’s collar, taking his shoulder instead and squeezing. “I need you to trust me.”

Kevin has no reason to trust Neil now; he understands better than anyone the past which Neil has kept hidden. He knows their opposition, and he knows the fate that will meet them should they fail. All the same, he places his hand over Neil’s and nods. His skin is hot against Neil’s; the blood of firebenders calling to each other in perfect understanding. “I trust you.”

Neil leads the way, and Kevin follows.

They find Riko’s camp a mile north. The distance is insultingly short, like Riko has left the welcome mat out in the surety that Kevin will soon be kneeling on it. The guards lower their weapons and step aside as they approach, granting them access without comment. A circle of red tents have been erected around a central firepit. Riko stands before it, cast in silhouette by the bonfire at his back. Their encampment has not been erected with even the pretence of military strategy; the thin canvas tents are unprotected, and were it not for the presence of armoured guards it would look like a leisurely camping trip.

As Neil’s eyes adjust, he can make out the figures on the far side of the campfire, and his heart falls through his stomach. He had wondered how the small group of Ravens had disabled and kidnapped eight foxes with so little fuss and bloodshed. The answer comes in the form of Jean Moreau, who stands at the end of the kneeling row of Foxes in a frozen ready-stance. Despite coming from the Southern Water Tribe, he wears the Fire Nation’s red garb, which drains the colour from his sea-grey eyes. Kevin has told Neil of the Fire Nation’s vicious attacks on the Northern and Southern tribes, and how the Fire Nation dealt with the prisoners it took. Some, like Jean’s family, took any deal they could to get into the Moriyama’s good graces, up to and including selling Water Tribe secrets to gain a position at the royal family’s side. Those that could not please or provide for the Fire Lord…

Kevin hadn’t needed to finish that sentence.

Jean was the only waterbender to be admitted to the Raven Academy, but despite a lack of instructors and guidance in his native element, he appears to have mastered waterbending as well as anyone.

It isn’t his waterbending, however, which holds the Foxes in place as though cuffed by invisible ties. Jean Moreau is bloodbending.

Kevin makes the realisation at the same time Neil does. The noise he makes is strangled as though an airbender has sucked all the air from his lungs. By the time they reach Riko, they are close enough to hear the sick gurgle of suspended blood, hanging thick and terrible in the air. One wrong move, and Jean could halt their blood flow entirely, starving their brains of oxygen and leading them to a slow, painful death. Sweat is beading on Jean’s brow, and when he sees Kevin his eyes slide closed, jaw clenching, somewhere between disappointment and relief.

“Kevin.” Riko opens his arms, as though expecting him to walk into them. “And you bought Wesninski too. A peace offering?”

At the sound of Kevin’s name, several of the Foxes’ eyes fly open, and heads jerk, fighting against their invisible constraints to look their way. He hears a slurred motherfucker from Matt, a low groan from Nicky, a stream of curses from Aaron and Dan. Their voices are horse, worn out from screaming or because of the pressure on their bodies, it is impossible to know. Neil looks to his family. He can’t help himself. He has never been on the receiving end of bloodbending, but he has heard second-hand experiences. The pain, the fear, the total loss of control. Matt is the closest; his expression is twisted as though possessed, and every vein stands out against his skin, swollen and blue. Dan is next, twitching constantly as though trying to beat back Jean’s bending with every movement. Nicky and Allison’s eyes are wet, but Allison glares with the fury of a saber-tooth lion, her arms straining against the lock holding them at her sides. A gag has been tied around her mouth, but Neil knows her muffled tones well enough to catch the gist of her intent. Aaron’s gaze is distant, and beside him, Renee’s eyes are closed, her body loose and relaxed, although Neil isn’t sure how she can expect to meditate her way free of this.

Andrew. Andrew’s gaze is the hardest to meet. There is no twitch or strain to his suspension, but unlike Renee, his body remains tense, as though caught mid-seizure and held there. His jaw is clenched tight as a trickle of blood paints his temple deep red. His eyes burn with questions, accusations, betrayal. Neil was supposed to keep Kevin firebending, keep him rebelling from the nation that was once his home. Instead, Neil has walked him back into the arms of the man Andrew swore to protect him from. Neil tries to put a thousand words into his answering gaze, but in the end settles only on one. Trust.

“Where’s Seth?” Kevin says lowly. Neil realises with another panicked twist of his gut that one of the Foxes was missing. Seth wasn’t a firebender, but he was from the southernmost Fire Islands, and officially a Fire Nation citizen. He was just as much a runaway as Neil.

“The non-bender? He should have known better than to put up a fight,” Riko says, eyes dancing with unrestrained delight. “We have to make an example of draft-dodgers, Kevin. I’m sure you remember.”

Neil’s eyes move against his will to the bonfire at Riko’s back. “No.”

Kevin jerks forward with fire in his eyes and in his hands. Normally, Neil would be delighted to see that he had grown a spine at last, but now is not the time for heroics. Not for Kevin, anyway. He holds out an arm and pushes Kevin back, placing himself once again between Kevin and Riko.

“Don’t be a fool, Wesninski. I am willing to let your insubordination slide in exchange for my brother’s return, but you would do well not to press me. Many people back home would love to watch you die a slow and painful death, many of whom are good friends of mine. Don’t tempt me to bring another little present home for them.”

“Neil, Kevin, what are you doing?” Matt hollers. “Get the fuck out of here!”

A guard steps forward and strikes Matt with the butt of his spear, and Matt’s head lolls.

Neil forces back the acidic taste of fear and bile at the back of his throat, throws water on the burning hatred stoked by Seth’s death. They were never friends, but they were a team. “I have a better deal for you.”

“Oh, do tell.”

“You let Kevin go. You let the foxes go. In return, I will give you something far more precious.”

Riko cackles. “Do you know how much time and effort we have exerted in bringing our lost Raven home? What could you possibly have to offer us?”

“I can give you the avatar.”

Riko goes very, very still. Neil swears he can hear a collective intake of breath from the surrounding soldiers.

“What?” Kevin’s voice comes out strained. “Neil, what the hell are you talking about?”

“Shut up,” Neil answers through gritted teeth. He turns back to Riko. “Do we have a deal?”

Kevin and Riko have been raised from birth to be the Fire Nation’s very best. The search for the Avatar has lasted years, crossed nations, caused countless bloodshed. Finding the Avatar is perhaps the only accomplishment that could render Riko worthy in the eyes of the Fire Lord, and this is what Neil is counting on. Everything depends on Riko’s need for his family’s acknowledgement outweighing his need for Kevin.

Riko’s eyes flick from Neil, to Kevin, to Neil. He steps forwards, close enough that Neil can smell the bonfire on his clothes. “We have a deal.” The hunger in Riko’s eyes is bottomless. “Where is the Avatar?”

“I will tell you when the Foxes are free and far from here,” Neil replies levelly despite the thudding in his chest. “Not a moment before.”

Riko flicks his fingers, and Jean drops his arms, falling into a heap as the Foxes are released.

“Don’t,” Neil says sharply before any of them can start a fight. “Go. Now.”

“Neil.” Dan fits a hundred questions into the single syllable, but it’s all Neil can do to shake his head.

“I said go.”

She nods. “We’ll meet you at the rendezvous point.” She casts Riko a look so venomous Neil is surprised it doesn’t kill him outright. “When he said the Foxes, he meant all of them.”

“All who remain,” Riko corrects her sweetly. Renee grabs Allison around the waist before she can react.

Neil can’t meet Dan’s eyes. He doesn’t know what will happen to him when Riko discovers the truth. He can only hope that a kinder version of his story makes it back to the Foxes, one that explains that he wanted to return to them. One that cuts around the pain, that of Neil’s past and that which surely awaits him.

The Foxes file out of the camp, passing between the silent sentries, quietly promising that if Riko didn’t hold up his end of the bargain there would be hell to pay. Andrew steps smartly over Jean’s form, which still shakes with exhaustion, and stops dead in front of Neil.

“Go on, mutt,” says Riko. “Take your master and go.”

Neil tries to force his features into some approximation of a smile. “Thank you.” He can’t bring himself to elaborate with Riko standing between them; for the bending, the kisses, the trust. “You remembered the firebending moves.”

Andrew’s gaze doesn’t move from Neil’s. Kevin glances at Riko’s expression and takes Andrew by the arm, pulling him away and after the others. If Kevin has any suspicions, Neil can’t read them in his expression, only panic, and an underlying vein of betrayal. Riko wasn’t the only one who spent a lifetime searching for the Avatar.

Neil counts to ten in his head in every language he can think of, counting the distance the Foxes will have placed between themselves and Riko. He’s startled from his thoughts by the press of a blade against his jugular.

“Tell me what you know.” Riko’s smile has tipped over the knife-edge from mirth to mania. “Where is the Avatar?” Neil looks at the mounting hysteria of the man before him and feels an ice-cold calm settle over him.

“Right in front of you.”

Riko’s expression freezes, as if unable to decide between laughter and fury. Before he can accuse Neil of lying and gut him like a fish, Neil pops open the waterskin at his hip and pulls a twisting trail of water from within.

His second-ever attempt at waterbending doesn’t last long; he holds the form long enough for comprehension to dawn before letting the shape collapse into the earth.

“Earth kingdom,” Riko says, barely audible. “You were supposed to be from the Earth Kingdom.”

“My mother was.” Neil flicks the lid of his skein closed. “Worked out pretty well for me, really. Just think, I was right under your nose for all that time. How many years have you wasted searching the earth kingdom? Fair warning, it doesn’t matter. You could find a thousand Avatars, it still won’t make Daddy love you.”

Neil feels the crackle of charge build in the air as Riko’s smile twists and falls in on itself.

“Jean,” Riko says without turning. “Hold him down.”

Jean drags himself to his feet, and suddenly Neil’s body seizes, his blood turning to thick slush in his veins. A scream catches in his throat and stays there and his lungs burn.

The last thing Neil remembers is Riko drawing back, lightning cracking and flashing around him, and then everything goes black.

This one came after Neil’s reunion with the Foxes. It ended up being replaced with the scenes in the air temple (and a more peaceful fall of the Fire Nation) but I still like the andreil dialogue soooo:

“Show me again.”

Andrew sighs. “Junkie.”

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” Neil smirks even as Andrew clamps a hand over his mouth.

“That mouth,” Andrew growls, infusing enough emotion into the two words that he doesn’t need to complete the sentence. They stay that way a moment, waiting each other out. Andrew’s palm is warm against Neil’s lips, and he can feel the pulse roaring beneath.

He’s better at this now, sensing out the shift and glide of the world around him, layers upon layers of intermingling elements pulsing with a nameless energy, calling to him. He can pick Andrew out anywhere in a crowd, in the pitch black space between asleep and awake, in hurricane or thunderstorm or earthquake. He knows the weight of Andrew’s body and the pace of his footsteps, he knows the way he holds himself like he can take any hit the world throws at him. He knows the way the air fits in his lungs and the way his blood pumps in his veins and the way fire burns in his heart the same way it does in Neil’s, no matter how well-hidden. He feels Andrew in constant orbit like they’re celestial bodies caught in each other’s pull.

He isn’t sure if this sense is a side effect of being the Avatar or a side effect of being with Andrew.

He feels the huff of Andrew’s breath ripple the air around him as he gives in to Neil’s request. He turns to the nearest statue – another horrendous effigy of the deceased Fire Lord, singed but not destroyed in their takeover of the capital – and plants his feet on the ground, pulling the metal figurine apart.

The metal tumbles to the ground in twisted pieces, lost instantly to the scattered debris that litters the Royal Plaza. Reconstruction is well underway already, invaders and invaded joining together to rebuild a better world.

“Your turn,” Andrew says.

Neil approaches the next statue – Ichirou, whose profile still sends a jolt of panic down Neil’s spine. The man himself is safely confined in Boiling Rock, where he will remain until negotiations concerning the Fire Nation’s future governance and territory are complete. Neil’s earthbending remains next to non-existent, but he squares his stance all the time, imitating Andrew’s movements. He seeks out the call of the earth within the metal and comes up blank.

“Shit,” Neil says. It was only in the aftermath of storming Capital City that Kevin grudgingly admitted that Neil had mastered firebending sufficiently to move onto other elements, but Neil already feels miles behind. Kevin was insistent that Neil begin airbending, as was the traditional order of the Avatar cycle; Neil was equally insistent that he avoid the element for as long as possible.

“You’re trying to run before you can walk.” Andrew flicks a pebble at him, which bounces off his forehead. “Learn to earthbend. Worry about metal later.”

“I’ve done it before,” Neil says snippily. Andrew’s eyebrows twitch upwards. Through the course of their travels, they have yet to encounter anyone else with Andrew’s metalbending abilities. Neil says Andrew is a pioneer; he has discovered an entirely new form of earthbending, one which no one else in the world is capable of. Andrew is highly doubtful. Neil calls him the greatest earthbender who ever lived; Andrew tells him to shut up. Andrew still remains strangely detached from the element he has mastered so thoroughly, but Neil can see the change in his eyes, feel it in his pulse. It comes in times like this, where Neil watches him with hungry eyes as Andrew leads him, step by step, into the rocky core of his abilities.

Andrew steps between Neil and the statue with sudden focus. “You metalbended.”

“So you care about metalbending now, do you?”

“No,” Andrew says. He takes Neil’s chin between his finger and thumb. “Tell me.”

“Just the once.” Then, because he can say things like this to Andrew, and Andrew will accept it without horror or disgust or fear, “On my father. It killed him.”

“Good.” Andrew steps out of Neil’s path, opening his view to the statue once more. “Do it again.”

I hope you found these snippets from my recycle folder interesting - I have a lot of fragments like these but these were the ones I wanted to save most. Thanks for reading!

#aftg #andreil #my fic #iron and ember #tfc

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wematch · 4 years

Text

Avatar: The Legend of Neil CH5

For many years, the four nations lived together in harmony.

Then, everything changed when a conspiracy to start a war began.

Only the avatar, master of all four elements, could stop it, but when the identity of the new avatar was found, he vanished.

Many years passed without anyone knowing where he was. Then he appeared in a farm in the Earth Kingdom, disguised as a firebender named Neil. And although his bending skills were weak when he got there, with practice he grew stronger every day that passed.

Now with a war looming by, Neil must find his own path into becoming the new avatar and bring balance to the world.

***

A huge thank you to @tntwme for being an amazing beta! Your amazing feedback made a huge difference<3

This fic was inspired by this amazing piece of art by @aymmidumps, go check it out! [here]

You can also read it from the start on [AO3]

Book 2: Water

Chapter 1: Trust

Andrew starts to walk in his direction and Neil just stands there, not knowing what to do or say. Andrew knows he’s the Avatar now, he’s sure Andrew must have some questions and when Neil tells him he’s being chased by some of the worst firebenders that work for his father, he’ll want him gone. But Andrew doesn’t speak, he continues to walk until he passes Neil, bumping shoulders with him. Neil, confused, turns his head to follow him.

For a moment he watches as Andrew gets further and further away, unsure if he should follow him or not. He spares a glance at Wymack and the older man is just standing there watching them both. “Don't kill each other,” he says loud enough that Andrew can still hear from where he is.

Wymack turns around and walks away in the other direction so Neil takes a deep breath and follows Andrew. He walks in silence until they're close to Neil's camp. Andrew sits down at their usual spot and Neil sits by his side waiting for Andrew to speak. However time passes and he still doesn’t say a word. Neil glances at him, and tries to understand what he's thinking but he can't. Neil opens his mouth but he doesn't know what to say and looks down at his hands. He never chose to become the avatar, he never asked for this power and for most of his life he has been running away because of it. He clenches his fists. “Andrew--”

“Shut up,” Andrew interrupts and turns to face him. “Why?” he asks and when he sees the confused look on Neil’s face he adds, “why are you running from your father?”

Neil brings his legs up and puts his arms around them. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“Start from the beginning,” Andrew says. “I have nothing but time.”

Neil takes a deep breath and does it, he tells him who his father is and his plans with the Moriyama family. He tells him about his years on the run and about his mother’s death. Not once does Andrew's expression change, he listens and doesn't pity him for his mother's death or his father's abuse. And when Neil’s done spilling all his secrets, he takes a deep breath and watches as Andrew gets up.

“Go grab your things,” Andrew tells him.

For a moment Neil freezes. Andrew wants him gone. He gets it, he’s putting a target onto all of their backs, so without a word he goes to the cave to grab his things. He unties the ostrich horse, puts his bag on his shoulder and goes back to where Andrew is.

“Come on,” Andrew tells him and begins to walk down the hill.

Neil grips his bag and follows him. He should never have stayed this long in one place, and now it was time to go. However, he’s confused when Andrew turns to the farm instead of the road. When they get closer to the camp where everyone is he wonders if Andrew’s going to wake up the others and tell them who he is, but that doesn’t seem like him. So Neil continues to follow him.

Andrew comes to a stop in front of one of the cabins and positions himself with his knees flexed. Neil watches confused as Andrew takes down the cabin and builds a bigger one in its place, just like the ones he had built for everyone else. Then he puts a wall in the middle of it and turns around to face Neil.

“Left side is yours.”

“What?” Is Andrew giving him a place to stay after everything he just told him? He thought he wanted him gone, it makes no sense that he’s letting him stay.

“Do I have to spell it out for you?” Andrew questions, with his eyebrow raised.

“No,” Neil answers and feels relieved, for once he didn’t want to leave a place and now Andrew knows who he really is, and he still wants him to stay. “Thank you,” he tells him.

“Shut up,” Andrew answers as he enters the right side of the cabin, “and go put your ostrich horse in the barn before it escapes,” he adds. Neil nods and Andrew, with a hand movement, closes his side of the cabin.

Neil barely gets any sleep, he keeps thinking about everything that he told Andrew, and that despite everything Andrew still let him stay. Dawn comes and Neil decides to get up. He stretches and sits down at the entrance of his cabin, waiting for everyone else to wake up. And it doesn't take long for him to start hearing movement in the other cabins.

Renee is the first one to exit, she looks at the sun beginning to rise for a moment, and then she notices him and a gentle smile appears. “Hello Neil, good morning.”

“Good morning,” Neil replies.

Nicky immediately exits followed by Aaron. “Good morning? You're joking right?” he yawns. “I'm so tired I feel like I could sleep the whole week.”

“Let's go eat. I'm starving,” Aaron tells them.

The three begin to walk when Nicky suddenly stops and turns to him, making the others stop too. “Wait, when did you move here?”

“Last night,” Neil replies.

“Took you long enough,” Allison comments as she steps outside, lazily combing her hair with her fingers.

Matt steps out of his cabin holding hands with Dan and they all begin to walk towards the farm. Neil begins to follow them but when the sound of earth moving behind him starts, he stops and looks back. He sees Andrew get out and walk in their direction so Neil waits for him. Aaron passes at his side on his way to the farm and their eyes meet for a moment. Aaron gives him a dirty look that Neil doesn't get. He barely talks to him so he sees no reason for this. He waits for Andrew to reach him and they walk the rest of the way in companionable silence.

***

When Neil arrives at the practice clearing, Kevin is sitting on the floor scribbling down in his notebook. Neil stops in front of him but Kevin is so focused that he doesn't seem to notice him.

“Is that some new exercise for me?”

Kevin looks up, startled. "This? Oh, no. This is something else I’ve been working on." He slips the small notebook into his pocket and gets up. "Let's go work on the range of your fire blasts today."

Matt walks up to them. “Hey, anyone up for a match?”

Kevin nods, looking serious, Neil's exercises immediately forgotten. “You don’t stand a chance.”

“We’ll see about that,” Matt grins and turns to Neil. “Neil, care to join us?”

“Me?” The only person he had fought before was Kevin and it had been a pathetic display of his skills. He’s been improving but he’s not sure he’s up for the challenge yet, but the idea seems too good to pass.

“Why don’t we make teams?” Dan cuts in.

“Yes, that’s a great idea!” Matt replies, putting an arm around her waist to bring her closer.

Dan grins. “I pick Neil.”

“You what?” Matt asks, immediately taking his arm from around her waist and stepping back to face her. “How can you pick him, instead of me?” He says, sounding hurt.

“Don’t be like that, it will be fun.”

“Actually, the smart move would be to pick me. I’m far more skilled than any of them,” Kevin points out. To which Matt rolls his eyes.

“I’m picking Neil,” Dan says more fiercely. “Besides, I don’t need him to beat any of you,” and with that, she begins to walk to the left side of the clearing.

Neil tries to fight his grin at seeing both Kevin and Matt sharing an apprehensive look. “Okay, I guess this is happening,” Neil says and follows Dan.

“Three,” Nicky, Allisson, Renee and Aaron begin to chant the countdown. Neil glances to where they’re all sitting and sees Wymack and Andrew joining them. He focuses again on Kevin and Matt in front of him and feels the adrenaline kicking in.

"Two," They shout and Neil glances at Dan and they nod at each other.

"One!"

Fire immediately comes blasting in their direction. “I got it,” he tells Dan and jumps in front of her. He puts his hands together to create an opening into the fire and when it passes, a wave comes their way. Dan is quick to freeze the wave for a moment and then send it back again and Neil sends fire blasts, one after the other in Matt’s direction.

Matt and Dan begin to throw ice disks at each other. Kevin sends a few fire blasts in their direction to which Neil creates a wall of fire to block it. They continue to trade between attacking and defending, and Neil notices that they’re slowly advancing closer towards where Kevin and Matt are. Wymack, after another one of their attacks, appears to their side near a tree. “Dan, why don’t you give Neil some height to distract them, they won’t be expecting it,” he suggests.

Neil isn’t sure what he means but Dan seems to understand and immediately starts to pull more water from the river. “When I tell you, drop the wall and be ready to attack from the air. Okay?” Neil nods and feels water enveloping his waist. Then Dan crunches and says “Now!” and the moment he drops the wall, Dan launches him into the air.

He immediately starts to punch fire in the direction of Matt and Kevin. It takes them a moment to adjust and turn their focus to him in the air, but it’s all it takes for Dan to redirect the water around Neil and freeze Matt to the nearest tree while he’s distracted. Neil falls to the ground but he’s too late to fall properly so when he’s about to hit the ground he puts his hands up to protect his face and unconsciously uses airbending to ease down the fall. Instead of falling and hitting his head, he rolls twice on the ground before he manages to stop.

When Neil looks up again, Kevin has both his feet frozen to the ground but he’s still throwing fire at Dan to keep her away but she avoids all his punches and with a whip of water she envelops Kevin and blows on the air to turn it to ice, making it impossible for Kevin to move.

Neil gets up and quickly looks around to see if anyone near him is looking in his direction but everyone is clapping and laughing at Kevin’s annoyed expression to have noticed his use of airbending.

“I think the clear winners for today are Dan and Neil,” Wymack announces and that’s the moment Dan unfreezes both boys. Kevin stomps out of the clearing looking pissed, much to everyone’s enjoyment.

Neil sits beneath a tree to try to catch his breath and begins to smile. He can’t remember the last time he had so much fun. Andrew comes to sit at his side not long after that. “Junkie.”

“What?”

“This is what you consider fun, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Neil replies, still grinning. "It is fun, you should try it sometime.”

“Pass.”

“What do you care about then?”

“I don’t care about anything.”

Neil hums. He highly doubts that’s true but decides not to comment further. They watch as Renee and Allison begin to practice throwing knives into a target, blindfolded.

“I saw your little trick at the end,” Andrew comments.

Neil turns to stare at him, the remains of his grin completely gone.

“Don’t worry, no one else noticed,” Andrew continues, ”they’re too busy witnessing Kevin throw a tantrum.”

Neil takes a deep breath. Somehow he trusts that what Andrew is telling him is the truth. That no one was paying attention to him at that moment, too busy with what was happening. Except for Andrew, who always seems to be paying attention to him. And for once, Neil thinks that perhaps he doesn’t quite mind it.

#tfc #andreil #avatar neil

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ravenvsfox · 6 years

Note

Hi I love your band au fic! I was wondering if or when you were gonna write the next chapter :3

(thank you so much honey, here’s chapter four!!)

Their first show goes badly.

They don’t practice for long enough, just two weeks of lyric reworking and transposition, Neil trying to bring his technique back from the dead, Kevin spitting and tearing his hair out.

They find themselves onstage like a machine with five separate motors and all the bolts loose. Andrew watches the way Neil’s shoulders turn into water when the stage lights hit him, the seam of dark hair that splits his scalp becoming a winding red river.

It's the stupidest thing, how he looks copy and pasted out of history, a magazine rocker back from when that meant something dangerous.

Kevin plays over top of Neil’s vocals. Bouncy bass lines that spit like oil in a pan, so out of place that Aaron stops playing, confused. Neil sings louder and his voice strains and pulls apart so you can see the tendons in it.

The audience screams and whispers, they're not sure if Neil is here to stay, they don't know what it would mean if he did. Do I stop buying their albums? They murmur. Is this them selling out? Mainstream, pretty vocalist on top of their band like a wedding cake topper?

And then closer to the stage, tuned in, pupils swollen, Neil’s voice speaks to some of them like an open fire, turns their faces red, opens them up.

Andrew watches them with a kind of gratification, though he's not sure if he’s thinking of the band’s success or the way he feels the same draw as them, warming his hands on something as nuclear as Neil.

They slice the end off of their set. They can’t get their sound all the way together, even when the 50 fans they'd really reached shout for an encore. The rest of the venue leaves in ecstasies of conversation: who is he? Who is he? Who is he?

Or maybe that's the sound of Andrew’s furious thoughts, drowning it all out.

Or maybe it’s the mushrooms he took before the show. It’s the kind of high that pries everything apart and make him feel like he wouldn’t be able to hide even if all the lights were off, even if he had a hand clapped over his mouth.

Neil spins and starts to gather his microphone cord, preoccupied. Kevin puts his bass down carefully in its stand and shoots whiskey out of the bottle. He always makes the same face after, like it only hurts narrowly less than it helps.

“What the fuck was that?” he asks.

“Yeah, what was it?” Neil returns, like he was waiting for it. The house lights are on now, and all the sweat that made him look waxy and feverish as if by candlelight is now dark on his t-shirt and slick as grease in his hair. “You forget what dynamics are supposed to sound like?”

“I was trying to compensate for your horrifying lack of skill and professionalism,” Kevin says.

“Oh yeah? So you thought you’d play badly enough to drown me out? Interesting tactic.”

Kevin steps closer and Nicky stands in between them, guitar jutting out like a gate. “Kev,” he says lowly. “We're still getting it together. No one thought our first show was going to be groundbreaking.”

“Then why did we bother having it?” he snaps.

“Practice,” Andrew says. “Like everything else.”

“Yeah, hey, I’ve heard it makes perfect,” Nicky jokes nervously.

“That’s not fair to the audience,” Kevin says. “We can’t be figuring our shit out on the stage they paid money to—“

“Oh, but it was your fault, wasn't it Kevin. Let's be honest,” Andrew says. “You decided Neil was going to fail before we stepped foot on stage, and then you made sure of it.”

Kevin looks gobsmacked, and Andrew hears Aaron muffle a laugh. Neil looks back and forth between them, strung between surprise and suspicion.

“I didn’t—“ Kevin stops, puts a steadying hand on his stool. “I wouldn’t sabotage our set to—what—prove a point?”

“Because you’re above that kind of thing,” Neil says sarcastically. “Except that your playing is always going to come before other people though, right?” He seems to realize halfway through speaking that he respects this quality in Kevin, and his voice softens.

Kevin doesn’t answer, but his eyes are needly. “So you’ve all decided to pin this on me?” He’s looking at Andrew.

“Sure have,” he replies cheerily. “Don’t do it again, hm?”

Kevin swallows and thumbs the tuning pegs on his bass, upset. “I fucking hate you when you’re high.”

“Are we supposed to believe he's the love of your life when he’s sober?” Aaron asks flatly. Kevin’s opens his mouth, teeth bared like he’s going to reply, but instead he shoves a sheaf of notes and music off of his stand and storms offstage. Andrew watches the paper flutter to the floor.

“I didn’t need your protection,” Neil says.

“So you keep saying,” Andrew says, and then he follows Kevin to the bar.

______

Neil comes up when you google him, now.

Wymack released a clipped statement on behalf of Palmetto that Neil is the fifth member of Ausreißer and that yes, they know it's unorthodox to change the line up halfway through a tour, but they’re excited to be working closely together on new music. He runs it by the band before turning it over to the press, and Neil frowns all the way through it.

They do a handful more shows on the east coast where Neil and Kevin don’t look at each other. The audience swells, curious or infatuated with the singer whose voice lays on top of the instrumentation like oil on water.

Neil has a wicked panic attack in the motel bathroom when Nicky shows him his wikipedia page, no picture or credits, just a line of text that links him undeniably to the rest of the monsters. He starts wheezing, then falling, and Andrew squeezes the back of his neck and tells him over and over again to come back to himself and cut it out.

Nicky stands with his hand over his mouth and tears in his eyes until Neil gasps and breathes deeply.

At a show in New York, Neil starts experimenting, playing with the audience, his presence taking up so much of the stage that the air starts to feel thin and hard to come by. He’s still a little high from the afternoon edibles they took, and his voice is throaty and loose.

He makes a bad joke about Kevin's tattoo, something about his solos being like labyrinths, and Kevin grins, does an open slide down the fretboard that might as well be a thank you. When music is their primary language, they never fight.

Neil’s all over the stage, twitching with music, eyes closed. Nicky takes his hands off his guitar to spin Neil into his body and then out again, and the momentum sends him over to the drum kit.

He sings into Andrew's microphone, silver tongue, yellow hair long enough to stick to his cheekbones. For a moment, he wants him so completely that it makes his drumsticks tangle, a few beats bunching together like a clot in the rhythm. Neil’s eyes open, right next to him, car crash blue.

Andrew doesn’t look away, and in his head, pieces of lyrics start to hatch, bloody. Inspiration never used to come as easily or painfully as this, like Neil took a screwdriver directly to his brain and pried the words out.

Neil drifts away again, singing about not wanting to be seen, singing about the way staying alive is different from being alive. He always speaks Andrew’s lyrics like they’re just now occurring to him, and it makes him almost jealous.

He spends more time on stage than off. His talent loosens and rolls out like well-worked dough, voice going so relaxed and syrupy that it seems almost involuntary.

Halfway through one of their sets he sits in the middle of the stage, in a snake pit of wires, and sings clunky hard rock like a ballad. The rest of the band and the audience all crane towards him, listening for him like a pulse.

In private, they eat burger king in the van, Aaron dips fries in the zesty sauce that's meant for onion rings, Kevin plucks at a guitar to hone his skill on a broader fretboard, and Nicky squats outside the open driver's side door and tries to beckon a street cat into his lap.

Andrew lights a cigarette and wonders if Neil is aware of how he arches into the smoke like it’s fresh air.

"What are you doing?” Neil asks, leaning over the seat between them to look at Andrew’s open notebook, the cigarette between his fingers instead of a pen.

“Writing.”

Neil looks sceptical. “Lyrics?”

“The great American novel,” Andrew says sarcastically.

“Read it to me,” Neil challenges.

“You are bored,” he says. A side effect of his increasing comfort on stage is a dullness everywhere else.

“I’m trapped constantly in a van with shitty company.”

“Great, this can be your stop, then," Aaron says, waving a fry in Neil’s direction. There's almost no heat though. They all know that it’s too late to cut Neil out without surgical intervention.

“I’m great company,” Nicky says in-between kissy noises. The cat has wandered almost close enough to touch. “And I’m squandered on you.”

“When we get back to Columbia, I’m getting a hotel room,” Neil says.

“With what money?” Aaron mutters under his breath.

“The secret rolls of cash in his socks, probably,” Andrew says. Neil glares.

“Well anyway, you can’t,” Nicky says. “We’re supposed to play nice with the illustrious Foxes while we’re home, and we need to keep tabs on you.”

Neil looks surprised for a fraction of a second, but his expression settles quickly back into annoyance. “Hotels have phones.”

“The house is close to the studio,” Kevin points out. “I don’t give a fuck about what you do with your spare time, but we still have work to do.”

“And dinner. At Abby’s. The whole Palmetto family,” Nicky interjects.

“Is that—“ Neil wrestles with words for a second, coming up with dirty hands and not much else. “Normal?”

“Not really,” Nicky shrugs. “But this isn’t an average label. Wymack basically hand picked all of us. We’re kind of—“

“Don’t say misfits,” Aaron interrupts.

“Misfits,” Nicky finishes, with relish. “But he had the good sense to separate the pop from the rock and roll. We don’t exactly lead compatible lifestyles. I still think we should’ve gotten Renee, though.”

“We don't need two drummers,” Kevin says sourly.

“She plays violin too,” Andrew says. “We could have swapped out a guitar.”

“You’d sell out your own family?” Nicky says, faux hurt. Andrew gives him a blank look.

“We don’t have the right sound for violin,” Neil says. “We’d eat her alive.”

Nicky’s gotten ahold of the cat now, a smudgy grey thing, and it’s grappling up his shoulder with its claws. Andrew watches the way Nicky lets it slice him to pieces just for the feeling of something in his arms. “Yeah right,” he says. “You haven't met her.”

______

He meets her—and everyone else—a week later. Andrew starts drinking at noon just to prepare himself for the spectacle of it, the way Abby’s house will inevitably suck Neil in just like the stage did.

They’re all dishevelled when they stagger up the path to her front door, and the blinds are pulled but Andrew can see the yellow living room light and hear the roll of laughter from inside. His stomach sinks.

Neil picks his way across the grass behind him, hands shoved deep into his pockets. His shoulders are up by his ears and his feet drag. Nicky passes a flask down the line and they each take a generous swig. Kevin raps at the door, and it swings inward almost immediately.

It’s Wymack, an over-full tumbler in his hand and sweat peppering his hairline. Andrew’s willing to bet that he was watching for them, on the outskirts of socializing, trying to keep an equilibrium between his Foxes and his Monsters.

“About time,” Wymack says. His gaze finds the flask that ended up with Neil at the back of the line. He rolls his eyes. “You all planning on being civil tonight?”

“Whatever do you mean?” Andrew asks, pushing past both Wymack and Kevin to get to the warmth of the foyer.

“Shoes off,” Abby calls from somewhere in the bustle spilling out of the kitchen.

“The liquor cabinet’s locked,” Wymack leans over to tell him surreptitiously.

“Like that’s ever stopped him,” Aaron scoffs.

“It better,” he warns. He looks at Neil again. “How you doin’, kid?” Neil nods noncommittally. “They pushing you around?”

“Trying,” Nicky says, smiling. “He won’t budge.”

“Good.” He reaches out as if to cuff his shoulder but Neil flinches away.

Andrew feels something in his chest, a sliver of rib or a ventricle wriggle away and dissolve. He pulls Neil away without thinking, just a brisk tug and a release. Wymack’s already looking away, but Nicky’s watching Andrew, mouth quirked.

“Hey,” someone calls. Matt, it turns out, tall and irritatingly affable as always, hair slicked almost vertical. He nods at the group, but beams and holds his hand out to Neil, who separates from Andrew to shake it. “Matt Boyd, guitarist for Foxes. You’re Neil, right?”

“Yeah,” Neil says. “Vocalist.”

“Man, finally,” Matt says. “I really thought they’d never find a guy. But anyone who’s survived the monsters this long has already impressed me.”

Neil shrugs keeping his eyes carefully forward. “They’re interesting.”

“Oof,” Matt says. “That’s one way to put it. No offence Nicky.”

Nicky shrugs. “Nah, I know what we are.”

“You gotta meet the girls,” Matt says, guiding Neil towards the kitchen. “Dan keeps trying to mother you and she hasn’t even met you.”

Neil looks uncomfortable, glancing back towards the band, but they’re all scattering, preoccupied with food and dishes, or talking shop with a reluctant Wymack, in Kevin’s case. Andrew moves silently with Neil, fingers numb from the booze.

The kitchen is loud, buzzing with fluorescents and conversation. Dan’s sitting on the counter, and it’s almost funny, the way her mouth hitches wickedly when she spots Neil, then deflates when she sees Andrew. Matt slips an arm around her waist, and she seems to find an emotional middle ground.

“Neil Josten,” Dan greets. “We’ve been talking about you all month.”

“Is that supposed to flatter me?”

“Your choice,” she says, grinning. “I didn’t tell you what we were saying.”

“Hello Neil. Hi Andrew,” Renee says sweetly, waving.

“Renee,” he says. It’s a relief to see her. Her face is even as snow.

“By the way, I’m Dan. Wilds. I dunno if you’ve heard our stuff? I never wanna assume.”

Neil nods. “A little. You’re the lead singer?”

“Also on keys, on a good day. This is Renee Walker—she fuckin’ ruins on drums. Allison Reynolds, our badass bassist. And you met our guitarist,” she says, leaning up to press her smile into Matt’s jaw.

“‘From the Top’ is a good track,” Neil compliments stiffly. Andrew can tell from his awkward, twisting hands that it’s the only title he remembers.

They all cluck and groan, and Renee laughs, “it’s always that song. Really not our best.”

“It blows,” Dan agrees. “They play it at last call when they want to clear the place out.”

“Oh, they’re self aware,” Andrew says, quietly enough that only Neil seems to hear. His mouth twists a little meanly.

“So you sing,” Allison interjects, stepping close enough to toy with Neil’s collar, but he seems unfazed.

“Apparently.”

“In the middle of all that noise?” she asks, looking meaningfully at Andrew.

“I manage,” Neil says wryly.

“She’s just used to being the most grating thing in a room,” Andrew drawls.

Allison looks at him sharply. “So are you sober or what, monster? We going to have to lock up the knives?”

“Only if you’re stupid enough to think that I’m not carrying any.”

“Not stupid,” Dan says tiredly, “hopeful.”

“Naive,” he corrects. He’s feeling a little separate from his body. If Neil weren’t so caught up in this orbit, he’s pretty sure he could rope him into hotboxing the bathroom.

“Seriously Neil, are you juggling all of this okay?” Matt says, forehead creased like some sort of caricature of concern. Andrew was right, of course. They’ve only just met Neil and already they’re preoccupied, worried, slicing off parts of their lives to offer him. “It’s a hell of a thing to jump into all at once.”

“I’m fine,” Neil says. “I’ve jumped into much worse.”

Matt scoffs. “I guess that’s fair enough. Let us know if you need a little stability, okay?”

“I can handle myself,” Neil says, eyes flinty, and Andrew almost believes him. He keeps insisting that he’s on top of things, even when that mask of his is oozing blood and history. “But to be perfectly clear, I wanted to be a part of Ausreißer the second I heard them play, and that hasn’t changed. At all.”

Andrew chews and swallows this. His heart lifts, involuntary, and he has to go through the whole production of catching and strangling it like a bird.

“He’s one of them,” Allison says dramatically. “It’s too late.”

Dan rolls her eyes, but smiles at Neil. “That’s great, Neil. They’re a hell of a band, I won’t fight you on that.”

“For real,” Matt agrees. “If Kevin wasn’t such a raging asshole I would pretty much pay to jam with him. Don’t tell him I said that.”

“Doubt he would hear me from inside his own ass,” Neil says.

Matt’s smile brightens. “Love that attitude. Can we borrow him?”

“Good luck keeping hold of him,” Nicky says from behind them. “He’s slippery. Right babe?” He squeezes Neil’s cheeks and gets his hand slapped away.

“But you like ‘em slippery, right Nick?” Allison says.

“Guilty. And I’m not the only one,” he says, and Andrew sends Nicky a warning look just as he glances meaningfully in his direction. Renee looks between them curiously.

“Well,” Matt says. “I’m fucking hungry. Anyone else feel like they haven’t had a home-cooked meal in a hundred years?”

“God, yes,” Dan says. “All they ever give me to eat are salads with half a teaspoon of oil or lemon juice or whatever.”

“Vinaigrette,” Allison corrects.

“Vinai-shit. I need something so greasy that it makes me sweat.”

“Matt’s right there,” Allison says, and Matt flicks her in the neck.

They bicker amongst themselves until Abby ducks her head in to tell them it’s time to eat. “Go ahead and serve yourselves, okay? And there’s, uh, cider in the fridge. No hard stuff until you’ve all eaten.”

“Thanks mom,” Dan jokes.

“Oh, please, I might as well be,” she replies, waving her off.

“Does that make Wymack our dad?” Matt asks slyly, obviously fishing. Abby gives him an unimpressed look and bobs back out of the room without answering.

“Come on monsters, new and old. Lets pretend we can stand each other sober,” Allison says, pushing off the counter.

They filter out, and Andrew hears Nicky say, disbelieving, “you guys are sober?”

Neil lingers in the kitchen, so Andrew leans up against the doorframe and waits.

“You can go,” he says.

“Yes,” Andrew agrees.

Neil’s shoulders sag, and he covers his face with one hand. “I can’t remember the last time I—socialized.” It’s an unexpected piece of honesty, and Andrew purses his lips.

“It shows.”

Neil looks up, disbelieving. “What, do you think you’re the paragon of small talk?” He tilts his head, scrutinizing, and answers himself— “No. Too much like lying, right?”

“Ding ding ding,” Andrew says. “He misses nothing.”

“I can’t usually afford to.”

Andrew stares. Neil looks back, looking a little clammy, a little hyper-focused. “Or what? Something gives you one of those scars?”

“Did something give you scars?” Neil counters, nodding at his arms.

“Mm, no, still not a good enough trade.”

“Then I’m still waiting,” Neil says lowly, “for you to tell me what is.”

Andrew stares at a crack in the ceramic backsplash, feeling Neil’s gaze rove over his face.

He suffers through it for an entire ten-count, then turns wordlessly into the dining room. Neil follows immediately, before Andrew can catch his breath.

The room is full, the usual healthy dose of tension curdling in the joy that people like Nicky and Renee and Abby can’t seem to help spilling everywhere. Andrew sits at the head of the table, and Kevin settles at his right hand. He nudges out the seat to his left with his foot, and Neil sits in it wordlessly.

Renee bows her head in prayer. Nicky reaches for a ladle full of potatoes and Andrew yanks his hand back until Renee smiles and waves them ahead.

“So Neil,” Abby starts.

“Don’t put him on the spot too badly,” Dan says, licking sauce off of her thumb and reaching for the iced tea. “We’ve done enough of that already.”

Abby raises her hands innocently. “I was just going to ask how long he’s been singing.”

Neil appears pristinely composed, accepting everything that’s passed to him. Every expression moves across his face like it’s designed to look like a certain emotion, one mask in a series. “As long as I can remember,” he says thinly. “When I had the chance.”

“Any professional training?” Her face is mild and pleasant, and it sets Andrew’s teeth on edge.

“He’s an amateur,” Kevin answers for him.

“More of a natural talent,” Nicky says warmly, winking at Neil.

“I see,” Abby says slowly. “How did you… I mean, how did the boys find you, exactly?”

“He was trying to steal from us,” Andrew says. Neil looks at him narrowly.

Matt guffaws. “What could they possibly have had that you wanted?”

Neil shrugs with one shoulder. “Whiskey.”

Matt laughs again. Wymack rolls his eyes. “They conveniently left that part out when they were pitching him to me.”

“Would it have made a difference?” Andrew asks.

“No,” Wymack replies easily. “But I would’ve double checked my locks.”

“I’ve never stolen unless it was absolutely necessary,” Neil says woodenly.

“Right, so with the whiskey you were what? Dehydrated?” Allison says.

“Ease off, Allison,” Dan warns.

“Broke. Homeless,” Neil replies, sipping water, pretending not to notice that he’s the stone causing all the ripples of stress in the room. “But it wasn’t really worth the guitar to the stomach, in the end.”

A wince shudders around the table, and Wymack squints in Andrew’s direction.

“Wasn’t it?” Andrew asks, thinking of the way Neil’s head had eased back when he pinned him to the ground, bright interest in his slitted eyes. “We gave you your stage. You’re halfway to a household name by now.”

He says it because he knows, he can tell, what that visibility is doing to Neil. There’s always a second, before he loses himself onstage, that he scans the crowd for something, and his face is unrecognizable with fear.

Those eyes find him again. “So you want me to thank you for the smashed ribs? Should I be thanking Kevin for the bruised windpipe too?”

“Would you?” Andrew says, faux sweet.

“Jesus, Andrew,” Matt says.

“Thank you,” Neil tells him, eyes dark, almost hollow. “Really. It’s almost like being at home again.”

He stares. There are people in Baltimore who want me dead. That’s what Neil had told him about his home. He’d torn out of the van like it was filling up with water when he woke up in Annapolis.

The look on his face was unforgettable. His panic was like a corpse thrashing with electricity, like someone had tried to animate a dead thing.

He can remember staring at the little brass Spears written in cursive over the mailbox, facing the slate grey front door, never knowing whether he would open it to find a home or a nightmare. He’s since realized that they can be precisely the same thing at precisely the same time, tempting as a hearth until someone holds your hands in the fire.

“Andrew,” Renee says, coaxing his gaze away from Neil, away from the whole smouldering pile of memory and obsession. She’s smiling gently. “Do you want some gravy?”

He nods slowly. Neil’s focus is on his food now, and Dan’s talking earnestly to Wymack. Dinner trundles on.

They bring out dessert before all of the main course is cleared away, and he eats the maraschino cherries first, licking syrup off of his fingers, then dissecting graham crumbs and whipped cream from the filling. He stares down at the creased, recently frozen base, the middle breaking apart without a foundation, the off-white cream.

He splits the crust in half and reassembles the cake as a sandwich. Dan wrinkles her nose at the mess. Neil folds his cherry into his napkin distastefully. Andrew suddenly craves a cigarette more than sugar, and even more than that he needs a way to get his thoughts out.

He stands, and ignores the way everyone lets their conversations go to look up expectantly. He brushes past the table, through the living room, and out the front door.

The screen clatters behind him, and he lights up immediately, flicking ash at the porch when it withers in the wind. He thinks of Neil guessing, without trying, that small talk is a lie Andrew refuses to take part in. He hates him so viciously that he can feel it showing on his face.

He digs in his back pocket for a notepad and stubby pencil, breathing sour, woody nicotine.

pipe dream, he writes. pipe dream, pipe dream. He rips the sheet out and tears it to soggy pieces with his teeth. Then he writes:

I can always taste

salt and copper when I’m dreaming

took a pipe to my head,

but you’re the one who’s bleeding

breaking crime scene tape

to open the front door

invisible monsters

no one fights anymore

lying like a mouth on fire

we’ll go up in smoke if we get any higher

Salt and copper cocktails

rim the glasses red

better off dying than already dead

drink yourself home, the sting might kill you

pare back your skin, make it grow back new

just because you set my bones, doesn’t mean you own them

it’s never flower bouquets, always fists full of stems

you’ll have to kill me

if you cut me from this ground.

He puts the notepad upside down on the top step and grinds his boot into its spine. Then he paces down the front path and crouches in the grass, and when he puts his cigarette out in the frost, the fresh, cold air makes his chest seize.

He looks down at the ‘no’ tattooed on his hand, and he lets the word blur into a mantra in his head.

“What’s this?”

He wheels around, and finds Nicky leaning over the top step with his squashed book in his hands.

“Put it down,” Andrew says, moving quickly back up the path, watching Nicky’s eyes dart over the page and feeling his legs go rod-straight with anxiety.

“Oh, Andrew—“

“Put it down,” he repeats, “or I put you in the hospital.”

Nicky’s grip sags, and he struggles to stand upright. “You can’t just—are you honestly going to pretend this isn’t about him?”

He doesn’t reply, but he swipes for the book hard enough that he raises a pale line on the back of Nicky’s hand. He throws it to the side, out towards his parked car, and takes Nicky to the front door with a forearm braced at his throat.

“Fuck, Andrew, you can’t be serious,” he struggles to say.

Andrew starts to shake, rage and fear rising in him at once, twin tides.

“You’re writing songs about him?”

“I wrote lyrics for our new vocalist,” Andrew snaps, “because you requested it.”

“Not for him. About him,” Nicky says, a veil of sadness over his whole face. Andrew shakes him. “But Andrew, I don’t think he’s—“

“I don’t care,” he grits.

Nicky looks uneasy. “I think you do.”

“I didn’t ask for an opinion.” He hammers the flat of his wrist into Nicky’s neck, somewhere between a shove and a blow, then lets him go all at once. He sags into the doorframe, apparently more stunned than hurt.

“I’m sorry,” Nicky wheezes, and Andrew knows he’s not talking about the unsolicited advice or invaded privacy.

Neil’s face appears at the hall window, reacting to the noise of a scuffle before anyone else. His expression is difficult to parse, poised like a pen and furrowed like paper.

Andrew climbs down from the porch, gets into his car, and drives away.

#has anyone ever been as absolutely fucked as andrew lmao #the foxhole court #tfc fanfic #andreil #aftg #rockband au #mine #abuse mention #drugs tw #alcohol tw #Anonymous #ask

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markonasurface · 7 years

Text

5/50 - “There’s blood on my/your hands.”

Fandom: All for the Game Characters/pairings: Neil, Andrew, Kevin, Wymack, Abby, Betsy/andreil, kevineil friendship Summary: The year after his 19th birthday, the other team decides to recreate the bloody locker scene complete with a ‘Happy Birthday, Jr.’ Instead of stuffing everything down, Neil has a complete freak out and sinks into a depression. A/N: I wrote this before I posted my first ever tfc fic.

Neil laughed at something Matt said and pulled open his locker. He felt a bit of resistance and heard a pop and was overwhelmed with the sense of deja vu.

Blood pooled around his feet and he immediately choked on the smell. The roaring in his ears made it hard for him to hear his teammates. He couldn’t hear Matt calling his name.

“No,” Neil uttered. Ice filled his chest. He grabbed his jersey just as someone grabbed his elbow. He managed to pull out of their grasp but slipped and fell to his knees. “No, no.”

He gagged and choked and tried to pull everything from his locker into his arms. He felt an arm around his chest and instinctually shoved an elbow back.

Everyone in the locker room heard the pop as Neil opened his locker. It was the loud gasp that drew their eyes toward him though.

Kevin, Nicky, Andrew, Aaron and Matt all waited a second to see how Neil would react. The three freshmen started shouting.

“What the hell?”

“Whose blood is it?”

“Neil?”

When Neil lurched forward, Matt reacted. He reached out to try to grab Neil’s arm much in the same way he did last year when this happened. Neil jerked and Matt lost his grip.

They watched as he desperately tried to grab what he could, a lost cause. He retched and Matt wrapped his arms around his chest to try to get him away from the mess but Neil’s elbow came back hitting his nose.

Last year, Neil had reacted similarly at first but was able to pull himself together to try to keep his secrets a little longer. Now that everything was all out in the open, he was giving into this panic attack.

“Go get Coach, Nicky,” Andrew said, already walking over to where Matt was struggling to keep a grip on Neil. “Let him go.”

Matt did as he was told and Neil immediately went back to his locker, repeating one word over and over until he was just gasping for breath. He fell onto his butt, holding his jersey and Andrew crouched next to him. He put a hand on the back of Neil’s neck and forced his head to his knees.

He kept gasping.

“Breathe, you idiot,” Andrew said and fell to his knees when Neil’s hands grasped at his, his jersey still clutched in one.

Wymack entered the locker room then and said, ”Get your things and wait outside the girls’ locker room.”

Andrew ignored him and told Neil again, “Fucking breathe, Neil.”

He let out a dry sob and Andrew repeated, “Breathe, dammit,” impatience leaking into his tone.

Finally, Neil gasped a shuddery breath. Each subsequent breath was less harsh and less ragged but sounded just as painful. He coughed once.

He tried to lift his head and Andrew let him. He kept both hands grasped around the one hand that had been on his neck.

Neil looked haunted as he said, “There’s blood on my hands.”

Andrew used two fingers to push Neil’s chin up so he would stop staring at his hands.

“Neil?” Wymack stepped closer.

He obediently looked up at his name. His eyes were wide and unblinking.

“Are you okay?”

Even if Wymack always worried about his Foxes, it was rare to see the concern worn so blatantly on his face. Neil shook his head. He opened his mouth but nothing came out.

“I’ll call security. We’ll cancel the game. Both of you go shower. Kevin went to get clothes for you guys and Matt.”

Andrew waited for Wymack to leave before he pulled Neil up as he stood. He had to pry himself from Neil’s grip. He pushed him gently and Neil unsteadily put one foot in front of the other.

He stopped abruptly and Andrew stopped just in time to avoid banging into him from behind. He looked up at what he was staring at and kept his hands on Neil’s shoulders to guide him past the familiar “Happy birthday, Jr,” written in blood on the wall.

“It’s not my birthday,” Neil murmured absently.

Andrew turned the water on, then pulled Neil underneath. At first the water was deep red as it swirled around their feet and Neil couldn’t stop watching it.

“Stop it.” It was a demand and Neil was usually so good at following Andrew’s reasonable demands. Tonight, he just looked at Andrew, unable to wipe the wide-eyed shock from his features.

“Yes?” Andrew lifted the hem of Neil’s shirt and he nodded. He slowly helped him undress, waiting for consent every step of the way.

He ran a hand through Neil’s hair and used a thumb to rub at the blood on his forehead and the back of his neck. He used soap to wash his hair and his body. Then he repeated the process two more times, hoping that would be enough.

A knock on the stall door made Neil jump.

“It’s me.” Kevin’s voice was quiet but angry. He paused briefly then said, “I brought extra towels.”

Andrew put a hand on the side of Neil’s neck and told him, “I’m giving you to Kevin, okay?”

Neil couldn’t find his voice but he looked straight into Andrew’s eyes. The corners of Andrew’s mouth turned down when he noticed the shock had finally subsided to complete exhaustion. “Hand me a towel,” Andrew told Kevin and waited for him to drop it over the door. He wrapped it around Neil under his armpits and opened the door. “I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

Neil stood in front of Kevin. He seemed to look through him. Kevin held clothes out to Neil but he didn’t take it. His eyebrows raised slightly but he didn’t say anything. He draped a towel over the stall door, then guided him back toward the lockers and took him to a corner where he wouldn’t be able to see the blood.

Still, he glimpsed a flash of red and imagined he could smell it - metallic and smoke and burning - and gagged.

Using another towel, Kevin dried Neil’s shoulders and rubbed his hair. He slipped an extra baggy long sleeved shirt over Neil’s head and over the towel still wrapped around him.

He handed him boxers, sweatpants, socks and shoes. “I’ll help you if you want,” Kevin spoke to him in French and Neil’s eyes finally snapped into focus. Shock returned to his face but just as quickly his features melted back into dazed as he reminded himself that he wasn’t in the Ravens’ locker room; he was surrounded by orange. Jean wasn’t putting him back together; Kevin was helping him get dressed. He nodded.

Kevin was gentle but firm and first he pulled Neil’s boxers over his feet, then got him to stand to pull them up the rest of the way. Only then did he pull the towel off from under Neil’s shirt.

Andrew came around the corner fully dressed and watched Kevin put on Neil’s socks and shoes. Without turning he said, “The team is playing tonight.”

He stood up and faced Andrew. “Coach checked the surveillance tapes and it was definitely Breckenridge players. We’re going to beat them, then we’re going to call security and have them make an official report. You two go home.”

“But -” Neil choked out.

Kevin looked at him expectantly. When he didn’t continue he said, “If you want to go out there, I won’t stop you tonight. But you and I both know you’re not in the right state to play.”

He waited for Neil to at least protest Andrew leaving but he didn’t. “I’ll see you guys at home.”

Andrew pressed his back against the wall. He wouldn’t get much sleep sharing a bed with Neil but he would stay as long as Neil needed him to.

The first day, it was noon when there was a knock on their door. Andrew listened and heard Kevin putting his headphones on the desk before answering the door.

The voices were too muffled for him to understand what they were saying but not even a minute later the door closed again. A couple of hours passed and he heard Kevin answer the door again. The conversation lasted a little longer this time until eventually there was a soft knock on the bedroom door before it was pushed open.

Andrew sat up as Matt, Dan, Renee and Allison came into the room. The blinds were drawn but gray light still made its way into the room. They could see Neil staring blankly at nothing.

The upperclassmen had brought balloons and a cake which was set on a dresser. Dan got onto her knees and spoke quietly. “Hey, Neil.” She pushed his hair off of his forehead. Her touch was soft and light. “Happy birthday. We know you have Andrew but we wanted to remind you that the rest of us are here if you need us.”

She met Andrew’s eyes and held his gaze for a moment. She stood and the other three followed her out.

Kevin answered the door three more times that day but only allowed one other person in to see Neil.

Coach Wymack sat on the edge of Kevin’s bed and sighed. “We won 8-5. While the game was going on security took a look at the locker room and got fingerprints. The Jackals have been disqualified.”

They spent all of Saturday and Sunday unmoving. Monday came and Neil still didn’t get out of bed. Kevin, Aaron and Nicky had to ride in the back of Matt’s truck to morning practice.

“One of you needs to shower, Andrew.”

Kevin waited til he heard the shower turn on before coming to stand next to the bunk bed. He leaned down and asked, “What’s going on?”

Neil stared back at him, dark circles under his eyes.

“What do you need?”

Kevin sighed. He waited for Neil to answer. “Neil.” He waited a few more minutes. He sat with his back to the bed.

“I want to die.” Neil’s voice was hoarse from disuse.

The room suddenly felt too cold. His blood ran cold. Kevin’s eyebrows furrowed and he said, “Get up. You’re coming to the court tonight.”

He stood and pulled Neil’s blankets off of him as the bathroom door opened and Andrew reentered the room. “Get up.”

Kevin turned to their goalie. “He needs this, Andrew.”

It might’ve been his tone or the look in his eyes or just the knowledge that he was right but Andrew didn’t argue. He grabbed Neil’s arm and sat him up. “Let’s go.”

Jack was outside the room and he looked more surprised than annoyed when he saw Neil and Andrew with Kevin. “You can’t come tonight,” Kevin told him.

“You guys said I can come to Monday night practices,” Jack argued.

“Not this one,” Kevin stated, not unkindly but without any remorse or sympathy. He walked past Jack and headed to the stairwell.

In the car, Kevin handed them both water bottles. “Drink,” he commanded. “You’re both probably dehydrated.”

He stopped them in the lounge and they all sat. Kevin dug out a bag and gave each of them individually wrapped sandwiches. “Eat.”

Andrew peeled off the saran wrap and lifted his eyes to give Kevin a look. The sandwich was cut in a grid, twenty-five bite-sized pieces.

Kevin crossed his arms over his chest and stared for five minutes before Neil finally took a bite. He only took two more bites after that but Kevin deemed it enough and allowed them to continue to the locker room to change out.

“Where’re the fags?” Jack questioned when Aaron, Nicky and Kevin arrived with the upperclassmen again the next morning.

“Hey,” Wymack said.

“They came to the court last night with Kevin,” Jack’s tone was accusatory.

Kevin shrugged and Nicky answered, “They didn’t want to see your homophobic ass. We barely made it here ourselves; the thought of seeing your ugly face made us want to light ourselves on fire.”

“I thought practices were mandatory,” Sheena complained.

“They are,” Wymack said. “Minyard will be at afternoon practice today.”

“What about -”

Wymack held a hand up. “Attendance is between me and each of you individually. Stay out of it. Mind your own business.”

The freshmen shut their mouths at that and he said, “Hurry up and change out. Stop wasting my time. Last person to the court is being signed up for a marathon. Kevin.”

They waited until everyone else had filed out before Wymack told Kevin, “Dan’s worried. She didn’t like the look in Neil’s eyes and I don’t disagree with her. What do you think?”

Kevin studied his face and considered. He pursed his lips looking conflicted, then admitted, “I don’t understand it. Ten years fighting to stay alive and last night he tells me he wants to die.”

“But he came to court with you?”

“Yeah.”

“And?”

“It took him awhile to get into it. He was weak. Andrew put in no effort and Neil still didn’t score on him.”

Wymack allowed himself a minute to think. “Have they been eating?”

“No. I made them both drink water and eat something before we began but Neil only took a few bites.”

He was silent, thinking over the new information. “Okay, then. You remind Neil that Andrew needs to eat and I’ll call Betsy.”

“I thought you said the psychotic midget would be here,” Jack couldn’t leave things alone.

Wymack glared. “What did I say? Mind your own damn business. Go run some laps until I tell you guys to stop.”

After what Kevin had told him, Wymack decided it was better if Neil wasn’t left alone. Better safe than sorry. He had called both Betsy and Abby and made arrangements for Neil so that at least Andrew would be able to start coming to practice and going to classes by Thursday.

When Wednesday Neil and Andrew skipped both morning and afternoon practices again, Wymack came to see them. “You have an appointment with Betsy tomorrow at six. Andrew can drop you off on his way to morning practice. If you don’t go, she’s coming here. You can spend the day in her office or go to class. It’s up to you. Abby will be by at three.” He stood up to leave and said, “Eat something, would ya both?”

Kevin’s alarm woke them up as it did every morning. He didn’t look at their bed as he pulled a shirt over his head and started putting on his shoes with his eyes closed.

He walked out of the bedroom and they could hear the suite’s door open.

Andrew crawled over Neil and started putting on his socks when footsteps started down the hall again. Kevin stuck his head into the room. “Coming?”

Andrew fixed him with a bored look as he tugged on his shoes. He looked down at his feet before he stood up. “No.”

“Coach said -”

“Leave already.”

Kevin walked away and slammed the suite door behind him.

When Andrew was satisfied he wasn’t coming back, he dragged the covers off of Neil and tossed his shoes onto the floor beside his bed. He went over and yanked Neil into a sitting position and stared until he put his feet in his shoes.

He followed Andrew out and down the stairs to the parking lot. They didn’t speak as Andrew drove him to Reddin. Neil hadn’t spoken to anyone, even Andrew in the past week.

He pulled up to the curb and looked at Neil. After a couple minutes he got out and went around to open the passenger side door and pull Neil to his feet. He walked him in and past the check in desk, down the hall to where Betsy’s door was open.

Betsy smiled. “Andrew, Neil, hello. I’m glad you’re here. Are you staying?”

“No. I’ll be back after practice though,” Andrew said.

“Hot cocoa?” Betsy offered both of them.

“Later,” Andrew said. He turned to look at Neil and tugged his coat off of his arms. He pushed him to sit on the couch and dropped his coat by his feet. He left without another word.

“Cocoa?” she offered Neil again. He didn’t respond. All he did was stare at the ground by Betsy’s feet.

He startled when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at Betsy, confused. “Go ahead and lie down,” she encouraged. “You were about to tip forward.”

Neil could tell Betsy was put off by his face. She wasn’t used to him without a fake smile or guarded expression. He couldn’t find the energy to try.

“It’s quite early,” she smiled. “Perhaps we can talk later. My schedule is all cleared today.” He curled up on the couch and let Betsy place a blanket over him.

He drifted in and out of consciousness until Betsy’s office door slammed open. Neil didn’t bother to look at who was there.

“Hi, Kevin,” Betsy looked and sounded surprised.

Kevin stood in front of Neil and he recognized the furious and frustrated look on his face. “You don’t want to get up for yourself?” He glared. “Fine. But your boyfriend refused to leave your side for the past week. He hasn’t eaten, he’s barely drank water, and he hasn’t gotten much sleep either.

“Sheena scored on him at practice today. She’s a backliner!” Kevin hissed. “Then he passed out in the middle of our scrimmage.”

Neil heard Betsy make a sound but he only furrowed his brows in confusion. He knew he should feel something and he did, but it was muted.

“Is he okay?” Betsy asked.

Kevin’s eyes didn’t leave Neil. “Don’t you want to know?”

“Kevin, please, tell us,” Betsy said quietly.

He made a disgusted sound and finally turned to look at their therapist. “He’ll be fine. He’s hooked up to an IV right now. He needs to start taking care of himself or he’ll make himself sick.”

He spun on his heel and closed the door harder than necessary on his way out.

Neil closed his eyes and took an unsteady breath. He frowned when it felt like no air had gotten to his lungs. He tried again and again, clutching at the pillow in his arms.

“Neil?”

Betsy hurried over and forced him into a sitting position. She pried the pillow out of his arms and he grasped one of her hands too hard.

She put a hand on his back and pushed until he leaned forward, his head resting on his knees. “Breathe, Neil. Come on. I know you can do it.”

He couldn’t. His vision was already spotting and his lungs burned.

He didn’t hear the knock on the door or Betsy’s panicked, “We’re busy!” or the gruff, “It’s me.”

He did feel the hard thump on his back and the first harsh woosh of air to his lungs and the sharp tingling sensation in his throat as his breathing slowed. Finally, he could hear over the thudding of his heart and hands pulled him so he was leaning back against the couch cushion.

“Jesus, you’re blue,” Wymack said.

Neil closed his eyes, exhausted.

“You still with us?”

Neil opened his eyes to slits and closed them again.

“I saw Kevin running away from here so I assume he told you about Andrew?”

“He did,” Betsy responded.

Wymack walked around the couch to look at Neil. “You both need to start taking care of yourselves, Neil.”

Neil kept his eyes closed. Tears leaked out the corners.

“Abby will be by later.” He patted Neil’s knee before leaving.

Abby gently prodded Neil awake and led him to her car. Although the drive to Fox Tower was short, she had to wake him again when she parked.

He was unsteady on his feet and Abby grabbed his arm to make sure he didn’t slip on ice. She didn’t let go until they were inside his suite and he was sitting on a beanbag chair.

“Do you want to watch something?” There was a forced normalcy to her voice.

Neil closed his eyes. He heard Abby sink into the other beanbag chair and sigh.

“Will you order food for Andrew?” It hurt his throat. Speaking after a week of silence.

He knew without looking Abby was stunned. She tripped over her words in her excitement, “Yes, of course.”

With that he drifted back into unconsciousness.

Andrew and Kevin came home a bit after eight.

“Will you be able to play tomorrow?”

“I don’t know,” Andrew responded, bored. “Maybe they’ll just let me study for eight hours instead of practicing again.”

Kevin stopped and took in the scene before him. Abby had set up their take out containers in front of the beanbags. She had already made herself and Neil plates and had set two empty plates across from them.

“Hi, guys.” She waved. “Join us?”

Neither of them said anything but they sat down across from Neil and Abby. She asked them a few questions while they sorted the food onto their plates. Abby had only put rice and plain chicken on Neil’s plate, explaining that hopefully the bland food wouldn’t upset his stomach but let Andrew grab whatever he wanted.

They sat in silence as Abby and Kevin ate. It took Neil awhile to realize Andrew was waiting for him to start eating before doing so himself. He forced a bite of rice into his mouth and chewed slowly, resisting the urge to spit it out and go to bed. Only when he swallowed did Andrew start tearing his food into messy pieces.

There was a loud knock on the door and Abby immediately put her plate aside to go answer it. Allison strode in and put her hands on her hips.

“I’m not driving the rest of the monsters to practice anymore,” she said. “Either you can bring them since you’re coming to practice now, or they can sit in the snow in Matt’s truck bed.”

“Hm,” Andrew replied and Allison glared before leaving them.

He piled more food on his plate and pulled it to pieces before stuffing it in his mouth.

“Slow down,” Kevin warned him.

“First you want me to eat and now you want me to stop. Make up your mind, Kevin.”

“You’re impossible.”

Andrew stared Kevin down as he finished his second plate, daring him to say something else. Neil continued pushing his food around, taking the occasional bite whenever he noticed either of them giving him an expectant look.

Abby left an hour later. When Kevin grabbed his keys and headed for the door, Andrew and Neil followed. He raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

They only made it down the stairs before Andrew hastily pushed open the door and dinner made a reappearance on the sidewalk. He straightened and wiped his mouth on the back of his sleeve, then continued to his car, refusing to acknowledge Kevin’s condescending look that screamed, ‘I told you so.’

Outside of the Foxes’ Exy stadium, Kevin and Neil watched him vomit again.

“Don’t puke on the court,” Kevin said.

Andrew went straight to the bathroom so Kevin and Neil changed out and started their night practice without him.

The next morning when Kevin’s alarm went off, Andrew climbed over Neil and pulled on his socks, shoes and coat before forcing Neil out of bed. They followed Kevin into the hallway and Andrew locked the door behind them.

“Neil?” Dan stepped toward them looking a bit relieved.

That got the others’ attention and they all turned to look at him. Andrew grabbed the back of his coat and he didn’t know whether it was to stop him from going back inside or to make sure he didn’t fall on his unsteady feet.

“You look like shit,” someone said. “Ow.”

Matt retracted his elbow from someone’s ribs and smiled tiredly at Neil. “Good to see you.”

Aaron rolled his eyes and walked past everyone to the stairwell. Kevin, Nicky, and Andrew pushing Neil, followed without another word. The others realized they should go, too, and the sound of fifteen pairs of feet echoed on the stairs.

“Ugh,” Aaron stopped walking and the others bumped into each other. He had stepped in a mess of regurgitated noodles and meat.

Andrew said nothing and guided Neil around Aaron while the others voiced their disgust. Kevin was close behind.

Andrew only waited for Aaron to finish cleaning his shoe off in the snow before starting his car, forcing Nicky and Aaron to run if they didn’t want to be left behind. “Are you guys playing tonight?” Nicky asked and Kevin flicked him an irritated look.

Neil pretended to doze until they got to Reddin. Andrew left the car running as he escorted Neil to Betsy’s office.

There was a genuine smile on her face when she saw Andrew. “You look like you’re doing better.”

He didn’t acknowledge her comment and spoke as if she hadn’t said anything at all. “I’ll be back after practice.”

Neil sat down.

“Would you like to talk today?” Betsy asked.

He reclined back and Betsy said, “Hm.”

She got up and placed a blanket over him.

When they joined the others on the court, Wymack fixed them with a disgusted look. “If you’re puking, go to sleep. Don’t come practice for an extra two or three hours.”

“Wasn’t me,” Kevin shrugged it off.

“You guys told me to eat,” Andrew twirled his racquet.

“I told you to slow down,” Kevin reminded him.

This time Andrew shrugged and went to join the others in their laps.

“Start running,” Wymack directed at Nicky and Aaron. He waited for them to leave. He kept his eyes on Andrew but asked Kevin, “What do you think about him playing tonight?”

“He’ll be fine. Only let him play the first quarter. Maybe the last quarter, too.”

Wymack didn’t ask but Kevin told him anyway, “Neil can still barely stand without help. Throwing a ball leaves him breathless.”

He pursed his lips. “Abby said he asked her to order food for Andrew yesterday.” It wasn’t quite a statement but it wasn’t a question either.

“He ate some rice and chicken. Andrew ate two and a half plates of everything else.”

“I saw.”

Kevin left him and started jogging around the court. The others had already finished their laps and were stretching.

After practice, Andrew picked Neil up from Reddin and drove him to Abby’s house. Wymack was waiting with her on the porch.

Abby looped an arm through Neil’s and guided him to the dining room table. He heard Wymack stop Andrew from leaving and they all sat down to eat breakfast together.

Toast and oatmeal.

Andrew lifted his spoon and watched the mush drop back into his bowl. He covered the top with sugar then started eating.

“Eat.” Wymack commanded and Neil nibbled at his toast.

He drained a cup of coffee before telling them, “I talked to your professors. You both have the next week to catch up on the work you missed. That means extra hours with tutors this week. Andrew can’t miss any classes. Tell me you hear me.”

Andrew looked up momentarily from tearing his toast to shreds. “Can’t miss any classes.”

“I got your work from last week and this week from your professors.” He turned to Neil. “I’ll give you the rest of the weekend but starting Monday you need to start getting back into things. There’re only so many exceptions that can be made. I made schedules for both of you and you need to follow them to get back on track.”

Andrew glanced at his, then crumpled it up. He probably already had it memorized.

Wymack glanced at his watch and took another gulp of coffee. “I have to get back to campus. Andrew, meet the rest of the team at the usual time. You’ll play the first quarter. Then I’ll decide if you get anymore playing time.”

Because I saw this post and all I could think of was tfc/aftg.

http://maelerie.tumblr.com/post/135803922052/send-me-two-characters-or-more-and-a-prompt-and

#aftg #tfc #andreil #kevineil #tfc fic #depression tw

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c-valentino · 8 years

Text

Lighter Next To Your Coffee Mug IX

The door fell shut and Andrew didn't move for a long moment. This was getting out of hand. Not the part where he had hit Neil. Andrew was no stranger to violence by any means. He knew both sides of it intimately. He had a strangely detached relationship to violence in general. It didn't faze him like it should –except when it did just now. Feeling guilty was something Andrew despised. How many times had he attacked some of the closest people in his life –his family, Kevin, his other teammates –intentionally or by accident without regret? And now, even after spelling it out for the guy, even after telling him ‘I might hurt you’ like some kind of insurance, he felt guilty for nearly breaking his nose. That idiot hadn't even touched him. He had tried to, true, but he hadn’t. He could have stopped. He could have realized at the last second. Could have, would have… didn't matter. He hadn't given him the chance this time, hadn't waited.

‘Do I really have to tell you that I’ve had worse?’ –No, but thanks for the reminder that you compare me to whoever left those scars on your skin. That had hit home. Nice. Look at you, getting in touch with those feelings. Maybe he had been a little shaky after thinking of Drake. Maybe he still was. Andrew took a deep breath and exhaled through his nose. Still there. Fuck him. Getting haunted by the memory of a dead guy.

Drake, his foster brother, who had raped him as a child and once more when Andrew had been twenty, had been killed during his last deployment as a marine. Andrew would have liked to congratulate the man who had finally offed the bastard on a job well done.

Andrew tried to force those memories down once again, but they had already festered in his brain, corrupting his thoughts. He had two options for nights like this. Andrew chose the more unlikely one, because he felt like being unpredictable for a change. He took his phone and called Kevin. The striker picked up on the second ring.

“Andrew?” Noise in the background, somewhere public.

“Where are you?”

“I’m meeting Thea for dinner. Why?” Too bad.

“Nevermind.” He was sure Kevin could hear nothing in his voice. Andrew, on the other hand, could hear in the way Kevin hesitated that his teammate had seen through him though.

“…Should I come home?” It was their unspoken agreement. It had started when they came here to join the US Court. Suddenly, everything had changed; their teammates, the city they lived in, the university dorms they had traded for apartments… everything except themselves. They had dragged their demons along and moved in with them. After sharing a room for so long, it had been strange. Kevin had turned back to alcohol for a while and Andrew had started to self-medicate. One night, they had met at a bar. Kevin had already been drunk and Andrew had dragged him outside and into his car. It had been Kevin who had asked him to stay that night because he couldn't stand the empty apartment.

Andrew had stayed. He had done so three more times during the next two months, and Kevin stopped drinking again. He stayed over twice more since then, but it hadn't solved his drug problem. It just took the edge off sometimes; knowing that he could make the ten-minute drive and have his old roommate under the same roof again. Not tonight though.

“Don’t be an idiot.”

“You sure?” Kevin was many things –arrogant, single-minded, obsessed with the game they played, a sadist on the court –but Kevin wasn’t cruel. Not intentionally, at least. It had been beaten out of him at Castle Evermore. He was loyal, if not always reliable. He would send Thea home tonight if Andrew asked him to, if he so much as hinted at it.

“I’m sure.” Andrew hung up. Option two then. If anyone asked him, Andrew would not admit to having a drug problem. The thought would amuse him though, after years of supervised medication. ‘Chemically imbalanced brain,’ someone had once said to him. Too bad no one knew what a chemically balanced brain in his case looked like. So they had meddled.

It was an open secret that a large percentage of the nation was overmedicated. Popping pills had become the answer to almost every problem. The list of long-term side effects of psychiatric drugs was endless, but while some people were busy adding their findings to the bottom of that list, others were just as busy erasing them at the top. Either way, the damage was done, and Andrew didn't much care about the consequences.

The wooden box standing on the sideboard under his big flatscreen was never empty. Neither was the medicine cabinet in his bathroom. He kept both well stocked. The box didn't look like much. It had once been a gift, part of some kind of advertisement deal, containing a bottle of overpriced scotch. The bottle was long gone but he had kept the box. Grabbing his cigarettes first, Andrew opened the window and leaned against the wall next to it. He gave Drake time to fuck off, until he’d throw the cigarette butt out the window. After that, he’d make him.

Neil lowered his head and sniffed. The bleeding had stopped. He angrily hurried on his way home. People kept looking at him. Well, of course they did. There was blood on his shirt and on his face, and he wore the fitting, dark expression that told of a fight.

He’d just left the station closest to his apartment when his phone buzzed. He pulled it out immediately, looking for the name on the screen that wouldn't leave his thoughts. Andrew, Andrew… The text wasn't from Andrew.

‘Sehen wir uns morgen Abend?’*

The German. He was back already? Neil didn't want to reply but he had to.

‘Ich kann morgen nicht. Sorry.’ He didn't feel sorry at all; not for declining, not for lying about it. He just couldn't face the man right now.

He jogged the last two minutes to his apartment, and fumbled with the keys at the door. He shrugged his jacket off and pulled the dirty shirt over his head as soon as the door closed behind him. The blood on it was already almost dry. Neil went into the bathroom and inspected the damage on his face. His nose looked fine but there was a bruise beneath his left eye. Shit. He washed the blood off his face, left the shirt in the sink to soak in cold water for a while, and stepped into the shower.

His mind returned to the scene at Andrew’s apartment. He had royally fucked that one up. He should have left after the blowjob like Andrew had wanted him to. He should have given the man the satisfaction of getting one step closer to his goal –whatever that might be –and leave everything else for another time. The sound Andrew had made when he had been on top of him… he could still hear it, that half-sob. He could still remember him shuddering. It made something in his gut clench in sympathy.

After cooling his head on his way home, Neil didn't mind the hit he had taken. The fact that Andrew had minded was enough for him to let it go. What remained was the question: would Andrew want to see him again. ‘This whole thing is disgusting.’ He had meant it. The revulsion at that moment had been palpable. Neil closed his eyes and let the water hit his face. Disgusting. Really? All of it? Part of it? Which part? The part where Andrew was paying for a prostitute? The fact that he had issues he couldn't talk about? ‘This whole thing…’ Liar. Liar, liar, liar… Takes one to know one, and Neil was the king among liars. –Or was he?

He had offered Andrew more of the truth than he had given to anyone in years. He kept his lies with the man to a bare minimum. Normally, he would have constructed a fake persona for the goalkeeper after their first meeting, would have given him a false name, a bunch of lies that made up enough of a background story to keep Andrew at a distance and Neil at ease. It was his safety net. The clients didn't find out about him and he kept himself removed. It worked both ways. But he had given Andrew Neil. While Neil was only part of Nathaniel Wesninski, it was the part Neil had chosen to keep. He had tried to outrun the rest of him. What had he been thinking to give Andrew that name?

Because Andrew Minyard was special to him. His Andrew Minyard was special, he reminded himself. The goalkeeper of the US Court, the face showing up in magazines, the prodigy standing in the goal, the man who had been at Kevin Day’s side since the day those two met in Palmetto. The man he envied, the guy who had everything.

This Andrew Minyard was nothing like him. Then why did he get attached to this version of him too? It should have been the opposite. It should have shattered his dreams. Expectations were a silly thing. All they ever did was disappoint.

Maybe it was all over now. If Andrew didn't contact him again, this would be the end of it. The thought alone woke something in him that had the familiar taste of panic to it. Actual fucking fear, dreadful and promising emotional pain. Why? Because he had gone too far and now he was trapped.

Neil shut the water off and stepped out of the shower. He left the shirt where it was; he would wash it later. He grabbed a towel and dried himself off half-heartedly, then flung the towel onto the bed. He got dressed in sweatpants and a hoody and went over to his fridge to make himself something to eat. The sandwich was gone before he even realized it. He couldn't appreciate his food tonight. His thoughts where a mile away. He felt restless and tired at the same time. Eyeing his racquet over his shoulder, he gave in to the familiar pull of his obsession. Better than drugs, better than sex, Exy would always be his way out of his own head. The day his body wouldn’t let him play anymore would be the day he wanted to die. Neil turned around, grabbed his keys, tied his shoes, and took a ball and his racquet with him on his way out, letting the door fall shut behind him.

Two hours and what felt like a never-ending repetition of drills later, he opened the same door again. He closed it none too gently and kicked off his shoes. He left the ball there but couldn't let go of his racquet. He was still thinking of him. He had gone through every drill he knew, had run suicide sprints and had taken shots at an empty goal until his arms screamed in protest at him. What made things worse was that he now was actually worrying about Andrew. How fucking stupid. He had thought about the phone he had left at his apartment, wondering if he would miss a text from the goalkeeper, while all his thoughts should have been on his practice. Of course there was nothing. Why would there be? Because he wanted it to be there.

He twirled the racquet in his right hand, made it spin, and grabbed it again. Go to bed, he told himself. Sleep it off. He took another quick shower to get rid of the sweat he had worked up. The moment his head touched his pillow he already knew that sleep wouldn't come easily tonight. By the time he gave up, it was almost midnight.

Very well aware of the fact that he might be about to make the biggest mistake in his life, Neil got up and dressed again and left his apartment.

Forty five minutes later he was standing across the street from Andrews place. He made sure he was standing on the illuminated sidewalk visible from Andrew’s living room when he texted the man.

‘Can I come up?’ He waited. Andrew was home and still awake. He could see the lights burning in those windows and it didn’t even take a minute for Andrew to show up behind one of them. Neil had one hand in his pocket, a plastic bag dangling from his wrist. He cocked his head and looked up at the goalkeeper.

Andrew kept watching him but didn’t write back. Neil shrugged exaggeratedly at him. It was Andrew’s call. He saw the goalkeeper nodding at his door over his shoulder before he turned around and vanished from Neil’s sight. Hurrying inside, Neil took the waiting elevator up and found Andrew leaning against his half open door, waiting. He still wore the same clothes, had the same messy hair, and Neil was sure he hadn’t left this place since they had seen each other earlier.

“Hey,” he offered in way of greeting and studied the man in front of him. You are a mess, aren’t you? Even in the dark hallway, Andrew’s pinpoint pupils spoke volumes. Those hazel eyes just stared at him in their unnerving way. Neil smiled a little and lifted the bag he was carrying. “I brought bribes.” Sadly they didn’t have Andrew’s favorite flavor, but cookie dough caramel ice cream still sounded a lot like a child’s sugar overload dream to him. Andrew didn’t move and remained silent. Neil sighed a little.

“Look, I came to apologize. What happened tonight has been my fault. I shouldn’t have pushed you like that. I was out of line. I’m sorry.” He hated the thought that Andrew was alone at night getting high because of something he had done. “Just…” He shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know. That’s it I guess. I thought you might not call again, so I came here to tell you. I’m sorry, Andrew.” That was all he had to offer and maybe it was not enough. I wish I could read your mind right now. He lowered his head a little and put his hands back into his pockets, as he took a step back. At the same time, Andrew backed off too and opened the door wider. Neil hesitated, waited for either an invitation or a dismissal, but Andrew simply turned around and went back inside, leaving the door open. Neil followed him, saw the whiskey glass in the goalkeeper’s hand that had be hidden behind the door. Andrew emptied it and left it on the breakfast bar.

Neil took a look around, found the open wooden box on the coffee table, and saw the little plastic bags and pill bottles inside. Andrew saw him looking and smirked. He reached out a hand and Neil handed the bag over. Inspecting its contents, Andrew went into the kitchen and grabbed two spoons. He came back and climbed onto the sofa, grabbing one of the two pints and opened it. Neil watched him eat the ice cream, looked again at the bottle of painkillers next to the half empty bottle of scotch on the coffee table. Geez, Andrew… His dismay must have been visible on his face because the goalkeeper tapped the spoon against his lips while he studied Neil. He extended one of his legs and closed the wooden chest with his bare foot. The sound of it snapping shut was unpleasantly loud in the too quiet apartment. Neil slowly made his way over to the sofa.

“Tongue-tied?” he asked, because Andrew always kept too much to himself and that was fine when they were doing business, because that was Andrew’s choice after all. But this was a social call and so Neil could be a little selfish.

“Black-eyed?” Andrew answered and Neil touched the bruise over his left cheekbone.

“It’s fine,” he replied. Well, maybe it wasn’t fine. Bruises on his face couldn't be hidden. People noticed, meaning people paid him more attention. But it would fade. He shrugged, ran his fingers through his hair, and thought carefully about his next words. He sat down at the other end of the sofa, watching out for pieces of broken glass but they were gone.

“I won’t do anything with you tonight, even if you wanted to,” he said slowly. Andrew had returned his gaze back to his ice cream as soon as fine had come from Neil’s lips. “But I’m going to tell you something, because I think you might actually need to hear this.” He waited and said nothing, until Andrew finally looked at him again and he had his undivided attention.

“There is nothing you need to hide from me. You can tell me about anything you want to do or have done to you. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about it. It doesn't matter if it will turn out the way you thought it would. If I agree to do something with you and I do it wrong, that’s on me. You can tell me and I’ll try to make it right. But you never have to justify anything you think you did wrong in front of me. As long as we both respect our limits, I’ll never judge you.”

And when Andrew started to say something, he didn't let him. “Andrew. Just listen, okay? You pay me for this. I’m not a thing but you can use me to do anything we agree on. And if that means making mistakes, then that’s okay too. Because this,” he motioned between the two of them, “is just between us. It’s our business and I’m the last person you need to feel ashamed in front of.” He could already see that Andrew didn't want to hear any of this. But maybe he needed to, and Neil would give it time to let it actually sink in. Andrew could glare at him all he wanted. He just couldn't stand the man looking like this. Even hate was better than this.

“You say you hate me. Admit it, that’s what you are thinking right now.”

“There is nothing to admit. I do hate you.” Neil smiled at him and it made Andrew even angrier.

“That’s fine. Hate me all you want. I’ll still do this with you. Just tell me to back off or take a break, tell me to go and sit in the corner or wait in the next room or whatever. Tell me to wait outside for all I care. Just don’t feel like you need to run from me. Okay?”

“Are you done now?” He really didn't want to hear this right now. But Neil knew he would think about it.

“Yes, I’m done. You can throw me out now.”

“And if I don’t?” he asked after a moment.

“I guess, then we’ll have to find out if that thing works and if you are any good at it,” Neil said and nodded at Andrew’s gaming console below the flatscreen. Andrew followed his gaze and took another spoonful of ice cream. He sucked on it before he answered.

“Go ahead. I’ll pass. My reflexes are a little …inhibited at the moment.” Neil glared at the box. He usually didn't care what people did to themselves, but Andrew was an athlete he admired and it pissed him off to see him like this.

“You should be careful with those. The long term–“

“Geez, thanks Kevin. The last thing I ever wanted were two of you,” Andrew sighed and rubbed his eyes. “Shut up, I think I know enough about side effects.” Neil glared at him. “Go ahead,” Andrew said again and made a gesture at the general direction of the console.

“We can do something else, if you like. We don’t have to play,” Neil offered. It had just been a suggestion to lighten the mood. Andrew leaned back and put both feet on the table, pressing back against the cushions until he found a comfortable position.

“I thought you came here on your own time.”

“I did.” Neil watched him.

“Then, for god’s sake, just do whatever you want,” Andrew sighed. “Don’t look at me for directions.” Neil hummed in response and started the console to have a look at Andrew’s game collection. He had played before but never bought anything himself. After he found something he liked, Neil leaned back and watched the opening video before he let the intro teach him a few skills. Andrew seemed content with just watching for now. It came rather unexpected, when he broke the silence between them suddenly.

“Do you really get off on pain?” Neil blinked but didn’t face him. He kept playing, asking himself what had brought this on.

“Why do you ask?”

“You don’t seem to have any problem when you are doing it with me.” Andrew licked on his spoon again. Neil raised his eyebrows and smirked a little.

“Yeah, well, that’s because it’s you, Minyard.” Andrew glared at him.

“Gross. So what? You want me in my gear to fulfill your obsessive fantasies?”

“Damn, that would be so hot,” Neil joked. Andrew looked unimpressed. “I’m kidding,” the dark haired man chuckled. “Can I see your racquet though? The US court gets theirs custom made, right? That must be awesome!”

“Is that all?” Andrew asked in a bored tone.

They fell silent again, as Neil got swamped with zombies during a boss fight. His character nearly died.

“Zombie guard to your right,” Andrew told him.

“Got him,” Neil whooped. “Is what all,” he asked then.

“Is that all it takes to make you happy?” Neil thought about it.

“Isn’t that enough?”

“How would I know?” Andrew finished his ice cream.

Neil’s voice was lower when he asked, “Is it true? They say your apathy is part of a mental disorder.”

“They say,” Andrew repeated. He eyed Neil’s untouched pint on the table. “Are you going to eat that? It’s melting.” Neil shook his head.

“Go ahead,” he offered. “–You never smile, you never laugh…” Neil felt a little uneasy talking about this. Of course he wanted to know but it seemed awfully private and was probably nothing Andrew wanted to share.

“Maybe you are not funny.”

“Maybe,” Neil agreed. He watched Andrew from the corners of his eyes as he opened the second pint of ice cream, and wondered how someone could eat so much sugar at once. “You…” He fended off another wave of zombies, distracted for a second. “…were different when you played for the Foxes. Because of your meds?”

“Different,” Andrew echoed again and a shadow crossed his face.

“Like… ‘fake’. –Sorry, that was… uhm. No, sorry, that was out of line,” Neil winced, his thumb rapidly hitting the buttons.

“That’s something coming from a liar,” Andrew said unfazed.

“–I guess,” Neil admitted. He finished the level and turned the game off. Turning sideways on the sofa, he faced Andrew and watched him eat. “Hey. About tonight? It wasn’t all bad, was it?” ‘This whole thing is disgusting…’ Andrew didn’t say anything, didn’t look at him. “That couldn’t have been your first blowjob. You’re too good at it,” he pressed on, trying to remind Andrew of the good parts.

“Never said it was,” Andrew answered emotionlessly. His mind clearly was on what had followed afterwards. Neil sighed. He still felt like he would lose Andrew here.

“Geez, Andrew. Do you think I never have trouble getting it up? And it’s my job.”

Andrew looked pained when he turned to Neil and asked, “Did you just compare doing this with me to getting beaten up? I feel so much better now.” Neil blinked.

“No,” he replied horrified. “That’s not what I meant. - Jesus, Andrew, and seriously, would you just stop thinking that all my clients beat me? In fact, none of them do. You miss the point in all of this.”

“And that is?”

“It’s about control. Some people like the feeling of being in control of the situation; others want to be rid of it. Some say it’s about trust, but you can’t force that. If you could, I wouldn't be there, willing to take the risk. It’s my job to pretend to trust them in that situation. –Truth be told, I don’t. I trust none of them. We hide behind rules and agreements and the risk is still there and they pay me for it. The fact that you think that I get paid to get beaten is seriously insulting.”

“You are still saying I’m one of them.”

“Aren’t you?”

“Because I hit you–“

“No! Because you pay me Andrew,” Neil said and waited for Andrew to look at him. The goalkeeper was stubbornly eating his ice cream. Because touching Andrew was not an option right now, Neil reached over and took his spoon away. The Exy player shot him an annoyed look.

“It was my fault, okay?”

“I told you, it was not,” Andrew growled.

“Yes, it was. I could repeat it right now and it would still be my fault. I triggered you–“

“Don’t call it that,” Andrew interjected, disgusted. “We are not playing your games here. This is not a scene, we don’t have safe words,” he hissed.

“Yes, we do. ‘No’, ‘Stop’, ‘Don’t’ –all of these are your safe words. You don’t have to spell it out for me. You told me in the beginning that I would need your consent every single step of the way.”

“This,” Andrew pointed between the two of them, “is just plain sex, understand? You are my hooker and I pay you for this. You said I shouldn't twist this, but it’s you who turns it into something else,” Andrew accused him angrily. Neil looked at him and said nothing. He couldn’t say anything because he had come here tonight as something Andrew didn't want him to be. It was a dead end. It felt like a slap in the face, because he had made the mistake of trying to turn this into something else tonight, something more. He had been wrong and he should have – had – known better.

He lowered his gaze and handed the spoon back to Andrew. “Sorry.” He felt ashamed all of the sudden. He knew it would turn into anger soon enough. Neil got up. “You are right. I made a mistake.” Andrew just looked at him.

This had taken a wrong turn somewhere. Andrew looked up at the man in front of him, who had suddenly lost all of his confidence. His drugged brain told him that Neil was ashamed and he couldn't figure out why in time. Damn, he was out of it. There was a reason he only did this when he was alone. One thing was certain though; Neil was going to run. Fight was no longer an option, and everything about the guy screamed flight right now. Why? He blinked.

“Sorry,” Neil said once more, then turned and left. Andrew stared after him, trying to figure it out. The spoon lay forgotten in his hand. He was still angry, but that couldn't have been it. Neil was pretty used to his moods by now. It was quite impressive actually. The guy just didn't get intimidated. Then what? His usually perfect memory wouldn't let him replay the scene in detail like he wanted. The drugs made everything foggy.

Andrew felt something snap in him and flung the spoon across the room. It clattered against the wall next to the door and then fell to the floor.

“Fuck,” he said. Andrew stood up and went to the window. He looked down, and as usual, the height as he looked straight down at the street below gave him that stomach-twisting feeling. He ignored it and kept looking. A moment later, Neil crossed the street, head lowered, hands in his pockets, feet speeding up to a jog –running away. From him, Andrew realized.

translation notes: *’See you tomorrow night?’  ‘Can’t make it tomorrow. Sorry.’ thanks for reading!

<<Chapter 8 Chapter 10>>

#lntycm #andreil #andrew minyard #neil josten #fanfiction

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simonsrosebud · 4 years

Note

Dalton + the foxes spring break trip

this was one of the first prompts sent for kalton and i’m SO SORRY that it took me this long, anon!! almost a month, now!! okay that’s not really that long but still, i kept saying i’d have it and NOW I FINALLY DO!!! (and she long too)

dalton’s sitting in the lounge while kevin gets his spring physical when allison comes through the room. she backtracks when she sees him, and sits on the arm of his chair.

“getting excited for spring break?” she shrugs her one shoulder at him.

dalton shrugs. it might be nice seeing the girls. “sure, might go home for the week.”

allison frowns. she leans away from him and grabs his shoulder. “you’re not coming to florida with us?” and looks the other way when kevin comes out of abby’s room. “did you not invite dalton to florida?”

kevin stops. fuck. “i was going to.”

dalton starts to smile. “he definitely wasn’t.”

allison looks between the two of them and stands. “okay, well, if this causes drama please call me over? i’d hate to miss it.” she sends a wink dalton’s way and heads into abby’s room for her spring physical.

dalton stands and grabs kevin’s hand to lead him back out to the car. “i don’t care that if you don’t invite me, kev. me hanging with your friends makes you nervous, but keep in mind that andrew approves of me? remember the date to the zoo? i know he’s who you’re actually worried about.”

kevin knows this. god, he knows. he remembers their double date to the zoo with andrew and neil- as awful as it was because animals make him nervous. but it was obvious that andrew approved after he talked to dalton after the winter banquet, and neither were harmed or fazed.

kevin’s still trying to get the scoop on that.

but he still can’t promise the foxes will behave, and a week with them without a way to get out? scary. it’s not like they’d be able to just go to dalton’s.

plus, the night they got him wasted and spilled some of kevin’s secrets still haunts him.

“i’ll think about it.”

two days later, kevin stops by dalton’s classroom before they start. “you can come, but i’m not letting you do shit just to please my friends. they’re assholes and we both know it.” that’s fair. kevin lowers his voice. ”if they cross a line and you don’t call them out on it then they’ll keep going, and you won’t be having sex for the rest of the month, and i find you won’t like it. got it?”

dalton’s smiling. kevin’s 100% serious, and dalton knows he won’t hesitate to hold up his bargain, but he doesn’t care. it’s wickedly entertaining regardless. “yes sir.”

kevin nods, and goes to leave. halfway out of the room he turns. dalton’s students always watch him like hawks, but he’s used to it by now. “i’m serious, miller.”

the house is bigger than their first spring break house. it’s beach front, and if they have neighbors within a mile then kevin surely can’t see them.

he and dalton get one of the two bedrooms on the top floor. it’s them, and allison in the room beside them.

the first day they’re there, after everyone’s settled, the drinks immediately start flowing. dalton starts to get more clingy, and at one point they disappear for two hours.

when they come back, changed and showered, dalton sits on the sofa tucked into kevin’s side. allison points a drunken finger at dalton. “i’d ask you why you left, but i could practically hear you guys fucking just going up the stairs!” she sticks a finger to her mouth to fake gag.

kevin’s not one to talk about his sex life with this crew. and dalton knows this, but kevin can see a snarky remark brewing in his head anyway, so kevin decides he can indulge his boyfriend this once. “just because you’re not getting dick doesn’t mean i can’t.”

nicky chokes on his drink. “no way is kevin a bottom!”

a few wads of cash silently get handed to neil while the group reacts to his comment.

matt turns to look at them. “eh, i guess i can see it.”

“me too,” dalton says.

aaron gags. “i’d rather die than continue this conversation.”

the next day is going well until lunchtime when kevin, nicky, andrew, aaron, and himself are in the kitchen. dalton has offered to make the sandwiches for the beach so long as in exchange for not having to drag one of the coolers down onto the sand.

“okay but for real, how do you put up with kevin? we lived with him, but i can’t imagine dating him.”

“the same way i couldn’t imagine dating you, but erik can.”

aaron steals a piece of cheese from the pack. “i’d pay someone to kill me.”

“you guys realize he’s sitting right here?” dalton glances to kevin sitting at a stool to the island. he looks unbothered.

nicky shrugs. “yeah, but he’s used to us teasing him.”

“cause he knows he’s an asshole.”

“does he get pissy when you try to talk about anything other than exy?”

“he was an uptight dick when he first stopped drinking. how does it feel to date an alcoholic? kevin, how does a vodka sound?” andrew raises a brow. dalton notices kevin stiffen just a bit. that one stung a little.

dalton clenches his hand on the knife and stops what he’s doing to look at andrew. “you remember our talk, andrew.” andrew stops. “don’t talk to him or me like that ever again. i don’t cross your lines, don’t cross mine,” he says. “yes or no?”

andrew is still for a solid minute. dalton knows he respects him just enough to stop when he says no. dalton has proved himself, and andrew knows he isn’t intimidated by him. kevin doesn’t even have that from andrew yet.

plus, dalton learned pretty quick how to speak his language.

which is why dalton waits for the nod he knows will come. “i’ll indulge.” and leaves the kitchen.

when he does he looks to the other two. “tease me all you want, i’ve got tough skin, but insult my boyfriend or my relationship to my face again and we’re going to have real problems.” he continues making the last sandwich of the bunch, his own. “after all, aaron, i’m sure you don’t like it when the foxes all question why on earth katelyn would a simple minded seemingly homophobic dick when there are plenty guys on the football team that would kill for a chance with a cheerleader.” he shrugs and takes a bite of his sandwich.

nicky looked guilty before, but after that he tries holding in a shit eating grin as aaron storms away. when neil comes in a moment later confused, he asks, “why’s he pissed?”

“dalton came at his neck.”

neil, a little alarmed, takes a step away from dalton.

“that means he called him the fuck out on his bs, neil.”

oh.

“for what?”

dalton doesn’t care to stay for the rest of it. he’s finished making sandwiches, and kevin looks smug where he’s sat.

“do good enough to keep sex for the month?” dalton whispers and kevin tries not to laugh. instead he takes dalton’s hand and leads him to their bedroom.

the next incident comes from the water balloons that dalton had brought. no one notices they’ve disappeared until andrew comes through the house with a straight face and a bucket full of them.

he stands on the balcony that afternoon, pelting whoever went out on the deck with balloons. and when dalton comes out with a few of his own he throws them right back.

but then neil comes out with more of his own, and matt joins neil’s side with a water gun.

dalton’s face falls. “oh- oh this was not supposed to happen.”

as the attack starts, he tries to get back inside, but kevin is standing on the other side of the sliding door with a cocky grin, waving at him.

and the door’s locked.

“kevin!”

kevin cocks his head. “i can’t hear you, d!”

dalton gawks, but then gasps when a bucket of ice water is dropped over him. he looks up at neil leaning over the deck railing and laughing his ass off. it’s a good thing he considers neil a friend.

kevin opens the door. “sorry, i think the door must have been locked.”

dalton glares, and chases kevin soaking wet through the house. when he grabs him by the thighs he lifts and throws him over his shoulder.

“put me down or i- dalton don’t you dare throw me in the pool!” he shouts when dalton runs out the door again. and kevin shouts and grips onto dalton’s shirt as he jumps into the pool with kevin over his shoulder.

when they come back up kevin gasps and latches onto dalton.

“kev, i can’t carry us both!” dalton jokes, kicking his legs to stay afloat.

kevin tries not to show his panic for a second. he can’t touch the bottom. “oh my god.” his arms tighten around dalton’s neck, “i never learned how to swim,” he whispers.

dalton swims to where kevin can hold on to the ledge. they’re both in their clothes, kevin even has socks on.

“you can’t swim?”

kevin shrugs and pulls himself out to sit on the concrete. he peels his socks off, then his shirt. dalton takes his shirt off, but he’s wearing swim trunks so he stays in.

“we never had the luxury of going to a pool or beach, i’ve only been to the beach a few times since i’ve come to south carolina. i never go deep enough that i can’t touch.”

dalton holds a hand over his forehead to block the sun from his view. kevin kind of looks like a god, backlit like this.

or an angel.

anyway…

“do you want me to teach you?”

kevin scowls a little bit, more to himself. “don’t need to give them another reason to come at me.”

dalton nods. he gets it, the foxes are a tough crew and kevin doesn’t always tell them when they’ve hit a nerve. he just gives a “fuck you” and insults them back instead of telling them that he doesn’t like when they do ______.

to each their own.

but that night, dalton tells kevin to put his swim trunks on and meet him outside. he’s in the pool when kevin opens the door. “you know it’s like three in the morning, right?”

“you were up anyway.”

“sure, but not to go swimming.” kevin sits on the edge of the pool.

dalton swims to him. “what will it take for you to let me teach you to swim?”

kevin rolls his eyes. he’s not doing this right now. “d, i don’t go swimming. there’s no point, really.”

“what if you’re on a boat and it sinks?”

“life jacket.”

“and if there’s not enough? remember what happened in titanic?”

kevin glares. they sit in silence for a minute, and eventually kevin looks his way again. “what do you want me to do?” he mumbles.

dalton pushes away from the wall. “just swim to me.”

kevin stands. “that’s not really teaching- oh!” andrew rams into kevin to shove him into the pool, and dalton can’t really say he expected that, but it doesn’t surprise him once he registers it. he knew andrew was awake when he passed him earlier.

andrew walked into the living room with a book in his hands, and stopped when he’d seen dalton. “go to bed.”

“i’m waiting for kevin.”

“no fucking on the sofa, i’m not leaving.” he said, and plopped down on the loveseat.

dalton kind of stammered for a second, and stood when kevin texted him back omw.

“i’m, no, we’re just going in the pool.”

andrew already had his book propped open. “he can’t swim.”

“i’m gonna try to teach him.” he’d said, and that was the end of it.

kevin gasps when he comes up from underwater, and on instinct swims to the edge of the pool and pulls himself out. he goes to yell at andrew, but he beats him to it. standing there, dry, andrew wipes a single splash droplet from his bicep. “you can swim.” and leaves.

dalton is grinning when kevin turns back around.

“i-i didn’t, i was already at the edge.”

“you swam like five feet, kev. i think you’re capable of swimming, you’re just scared.”

he is not scared. of water, for christ sake.

when dalton convinces him to get in the pool again, it’s just shallow enough that kevin can stand on his tip toes if he needs. dalton is waiting on the other end. kevin feels like a child. “this is stupid.”

“just do it, and we can go have sex.” and kevin isn’t even in the mood, because he’s still annoyed at andrew, but he’s not a coward anymore, so he ducks underwater and swims to his boyfriend. when he gets close enough, dalton grabs his hands and pulls him the rest of the way.

kevin is smiling, a little.

he feels accomplished. dalton isn’t stupid.

“okay, i didn’t include andrew in that, i promise, but at least we know you do know how to swim.”

and kevin literally has his lips on dalton’s. he doesn’t want to think about andrew. “shut up, please.” and kisses him.

the only people who really get more color from the beach kevin, nicky, dalton, matt, dan, and allison.

neil’s is a special case, because while he gets tan, it’s only his legs, face, and arms to which he gains a wicked farmers tan that everyone teases him about. he doesn’t really care. you can only tell if he lifts his short sleeves, and since he never goes shirtless or wears tank tops, he can hide it.

aaron gets sunburnt, but that doesn’t count.

nicky claims that aaron always gets burnt, and that he’s never seen so much as a single patch of red skin on andrew. only that he gets a little tan, sometimes, in the summer.

andrew decides not to let him be proven right (even though he is) and conceals himself under an umbrella, so no one knows for sure. his armbands stay on, of course, and no one else is allowed to use his shade but neil and renee.

dalton plays football on the beach with matt and goes boogie boarding with neil and dan at one point. and one day he surprises the group by saying that they should go surfing.

“you know how to surf?” kevin flips his sunglasses up to look at his boyfriend clearly. “since when?”

“we used to go on vacation to florida a lot, my grandparents used to have a condo.”

“and you surfed?”

“i mean, i’m no expert.”

kevin doesn’t care. he’s seen surfers in motion. it’s hot. he wants to see dalton out there straddling a surf board.

but no one else knows how to surf, and they don’t feel like learning. “we could go horseback riding like last year?” dan offers.

dalton notices neil grimace. kevin groans into his arm. “what?” he mumbles.

“i don’t trust large animals.” he lifts his head up and points a finger at him. “don’t make a comment. that’s a perfectly valid argument. they’re not to be trusted. imagine if that thing kicked you in the face with a metal hoof?”

“aw, alright, it’s okay baby kevin,” he pets kevin’s head, and jumps up and squeals when kevin lunges. he tries to run, but falls behind tripping in the sand. kevin grabs him from behind and jumps onto his back.

dan turns to the group really quick. “we all like dalton, yes or no, show of hands?” everyone but aaron and andrew raise their hands.

neil looks back at him. “andrew likes him.”

“aaron’s just still pissy that dalton told him to knock off the bs a few days ago. he’s a yes.”

dan nods. matt wraps an arm around her shoulders. “man, i know kevin’s a pain in the ass, but it’s always just been his paranoia and anxiety. the dude’s a little more fucked up than some of us.”

“that’s not necessarily relevant,” aaron says.

“no, i mean.” matt shrugs. “dalton’s good for him. i think he’s helped a lot with that stuff. he’s a good support system for kevin. and a happy kevin is like the happy wife happy life thing, no?”

“you got that right. plus, dalton’s not bad to look at.” aaron kicks nicky’s foot. “i’m allowed to acknowledge when someone’s attractive. don’t tell me you don’t look at megan fox and go hm, she’s not bad to look at.” aaron rolls his eyes.

allison looks out to kevin and dalton in the ocean. they’re standing at almost chest deep, and dalton has one arm draped over kevin’s shoulder, keeping him steady, and the other pushing kevin’s hair from his forehead.

“this week was really fun.”

“i probably would’ve been annoyed at them all week without you here.” dalton raises his eyebrows. “you ground me.”

that makes him smile. “i’m glad.”

kevin kisses him, and he means for it to just be chaste, but he goes in again because he can’t help himself. and because he can.

dalton starts to smile against his lips, and slides a hand to the back of his head, through his wet hair. “love you.”

kevin hums. “i love you,” he mumbles, and when he pulls away he wraps himself around dalton in the water and drops his head on his shoulder. thank god he invited him.

113 notes · View notes

dangerouslydisquieting-blog · 6 years

Text

Sweet Tooth

Words: 1.3k

Warnings: Addiction, drug use, abuse, rape mention

Summary: Chocolate was Andrew's first addiction.

Ao3

Chocolate was Andrew’s first addiction. The sugar highs the first highs he’d ever experienced. The chocolate withdrawals the first he’d have to endure. Chocolate helped Andrew cope with his childhood the way drugs and alcohol helped him cope after his childhood was snatched from him.

Ever since Andrew was a kid he’d had a sweet tooth. There were times that he’d give himself stomach aches from how much sugar he’d consumed. The couple times he’d been to the dentist as a kid didn’t end well. But he’d learned to make sure to clean his teeth after his first filling.

Everyone knew Andrew’d never turn down a chocolate bar. Some took advantage of the fact.

Chocolate was hard to come by in the system. But Andrew had always been a resourceful child that got what he wanted, one way or another. His chocolate dealers would trade him for a plethora of things, including, but not limited to, money, favors, and secrets. All things Andrew would give up for if it meant he got his next fix.

When he got out of the system he had more freedom, more chances to get his chocolate. He never missed an opportunity to stock up on his favorite Hershey’s when he could. Switching homes meant the next ones didn’t know, like the last ones, how bad his addiction was. Switching homes became less painful when he started thinking of homes less as home and more as his next hit.

Andrew knew he had a problem. He acknowledged the fact that he couldn’t survive for long without his chocolate. He was acutely aware of how his body craved the substance like his heart craved love. And so he substituted chocolate for the love he was starved of. Chocolate had taken over the role of family, home, love for him.

Soon even chocolate couldn’t help his ailing situation. He became indifferent. It didn’t matter who stayed or who went. It didn’t matter what happened or what didn’t. He didn’t care, or at least, he told himself that he didn’t. The fact of the matter was he couldn’t. He believed in the sentiment of telling a lie enough times for it to become truth. Telling himself that he didn’t care, became all too true.

Chocolate was put on the back burner once he discovered the hard stuff. But it never truly went away. Andrew always seem to find chocolate or variations of it. At times it seemed to find Andrew, creeping on him when he wasn’t looking. Reminding him of what, who he was and where he came from.

---

It wasn’t until he met Dr. Betsy Dobson that Andrew learned what it meant to enjoy chocolate for what it was. What it meant to eat chocolate and taste the sweetness of it, untainted with the bitter taste of rejection. What it meant to take a bite of chocolate and not feel the ghost of unwanted hands on him.

It was Bee that replaced all the bad memories Andrew associated with chocolate with soft smiles and gentle hands. It was Bee that stitched Andrew back up as best she could. She was far from the first to try, but she was the first to succeed. Andrew found a friend in Bee. His Bee, that didn’t care what time he called. His Bee, that never let him down. His Bee, the first adult he well and truly trusted. Who he didn’t doubt, who he could always count on to make him hot chocolate and talk to. No matter how trivial the subject, no matter how significant. He had his Bee.

---

Neil got the call. Matt had heard from Dan who’d heard from Wymack.

Betsy Dobson had died of a heart attack. The second one she’d ever have, one more than her heart could take.

Andrew had had a game, and Neil decided to wait until he got off the court to tell him. Andrew took it the way he had every death he’d encountered thus far. Indifferently. Neil had bitten his lip bloody watching Andrew for the rest of the day. He knew Andrew would be fine, but he also knew just how much Bee meant to Andrew.

He’d had the sense to move to the couch after watching Andrew stare at the ceiling, lying on his back. Listening to Andrew’s breathing become more and more shallow, Neil left his boyfriend to grieve in his own way. Neil had made enough noise for Andrew to know he was leaving, had moved slow enough for Andrew to stop him if he so wished. Andrew didn’t stop him.

---

The next morning Neil got an email from Andrew. He was already on his way to South Carolina for the funeral. Attached to the email was a plane ticket for the next night. Andrew would drive, but he was leaving it up to Neil to decide on coming. Andrew had already left in the early hours of the morning. It was an almost 20 hour drive to Palmetto, but Neil knew Andrew would need the time and space.

---

It was two days later when Neil saw Andrew next. Matt had picked him up from the airport. Matt, Dan, and Neil were the only Foxes, from their time at PSU, at the church service. When they got out of the church, Neil recognized Andrew’s car with a purple flag on his car. His window was down and he had a cigarette hanging loosely from his fingertips. Neil told Matt that they’d meet them at the cemetery, and made his way to Andrew’s car.

Neil got into the car. The drive was silent. Andrew was wearing black dress pants and a black button up. He looked clean shaven, and Neil wanted to raise his eyebrow at Andrew, but then wondered how exactly he’d expected Andrew to look if it wasn’t like this.

---

After the eulogies and goodbyes were done, people started filing out. Andrew was standing with a hand in his pocket, waiting for everyone to leave. Matt and Dan said their goodbyes and left. Neil had talked with Abby and Wymack at the church. Wymack nodded at her to go on, and she made her way to their car, as Wymack stopped in front of Andrew.

He held his hand out, waiting for Andrew to take it. They shook, Wymack’s eyes tightening a fraction. He clapped Neil on the shoulder before nodding at Andrew once, and leaving them.

Neil hesitated. Then turned slightly, giving Andrew enough time to object. He didn’t. Neil started to amble back to the car, taking his time.

Andrew unclenched his jaw as he was finally left alone with the open casket a ways away. He took a breath and made his way over.

He didn’t hover too long. His lip twitched as he saw Bee’s closed eyes, her hands folded across her chest. He swallowed before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a Hershey’s. He placed the chocolate bar near the flowers that were placed all around the casket.

He straightened with soft sigh. He lowered his head a moment, before closing his eyes and turning. He walked to Neil’s side, closing the distance between them. He slipped his hand out of his pocket to hold Neil’s wrist. Neil kept walking, but slipped his hand out of his own pocket so Andrew could properly hold his hand.

Neil wasn’t sure how Bee’s loss would effect Andrew in the long run, and he was sure that Andrew wouldn’t want him to worry. But Neil couldn't help but notice -

Andrew doesn’t eat chocolate anymore.

#andreil #aftg #tfc #andrew minyard #neil josten

0 notes

wematch · 5 years

Text

Avatar: The Legend of Neil

For many years, the four nations lived together in harmony.

Then, everything changed when a conspiracy to start a war began.

Only the avatar, master of all four elements, could stop it, but when the identity of the new avatar was found, he vanished.

Now with a war looming by, Neil must find his own path into becoming the new avatar and bring balance to the world.

***

A huge thank you to @tntwme for being an amazing beta! <3

This fic was inspired by this amazing piece of art by @aymmidumps, go check it out! [here]

You can also read it from the start on [AO3]

Book 1: Air

Chapter 3: Practice

Neil is working on the strawberry line and when his basket is full he gets up and stretches before going to grab another basket. Out of the corner of his eye he notices Andrew eating strawberries again. “You’re going to end up getting caught,” Neil points out.

“Not your concern,” Andrew replies, only glancing at him for a moment before returning his attention back to his work. Neil turns his back to Andrew to walk towards the pile of baskets. He’s not sure what to think about Andrew yet, but he’s as intriguing as he is frustrating to talk to.

Not too long later, Andrew walks in his direction and stops at his side. “Has it ever occurred to you that no one told us we couldn’t eat the fruit?”

Neil tries to remember what Wymack had told him on his first day but they only had a very brief chat before he flew away. Still that doesn’t mean he can do it. “No, but he didn’t say I could do it either.”

Andrew studies him for a moment and without saying a thing he turns to leave. Then with his back turned to Neil he says, “Ask him.” After a moment he adds, “Now come, it's lunch time.”

Neil doesn’t know what to make of that. Is Andrew serious or just trying to get him into trouble? He pushes that thought aside and gets up, stretching his legs in the process. It's not like he's starving, Wymack gives them enough food. Maybe he could ask Matt about it. For now, he just follows Andrew.

Neil sits down between Allison and Nicky and grabs a sandwich. He stays quiet while he listens to the conversations around him. He has learned a lot about the others just from listening to their chats from the last couple of days, all except for Andrew who barely speaks a word to anyone.

“I've been meaning to ask you Neil, where have you been staying?” Allison asks him when they're almost done eating.

“I made camp nearby.”

“We're all staying on the property, you're welcome to move here too, you know?” Dan tells him. Neil didn’t know, Wymack didn’t tell him anything, it seems. At seeing Neil pause at the information Dan huffs, “Wymack should have told you, I’m going to have a word with him.”

“It’s fine Dan, thanks.”

“Trust me, you’re going to want to stay here,” Nicky turns to his side and continues, “Andrew created us some pretty neat cabins to sleep in.”

“I’ll think about it,” Neil replies. He glances at Andrew, intrigued, wondering if he’s also a builder around the farm. So far he hasn’t seen him doing anything else besides harvesting and eating the strawberries that he’s supposed to be collecting.

“Oh come on Neil, you have to at least come and see it. It’s near the fence on that side,” Nicky says and points to their left.

“Okay, I’ll check it out,” Neil answers, curiosity taking over.

“Great! You can come with us after work and we’ll show you.”

Later that day, Neil follows them to see what Andrew had created. Between some old trees that hide the farm from the lake there’s half a dozen cabins made of stone, exactly the same size and shape, each with a small window. Neil is surprised by their size, they’re not huge by any means but inside each could fit a few people comfortably. Neil quickly realizes that Andrew has to be an earthbender. Neil hasn’t seen him use his bending once though, but there’s no other way for him to have built something like this.

“What do you think? Pretty cool, huh?” Nicky tells him while he enters one of the cabins. “You can come inside if you want,” he speaks louder from the inside.

“That’s alright, I should head back to my camp anyway, I have an ostrich horse that needs to walk for a while,” Neil answers him and turns around. He can feel Andrew studying him but he doesn’t meet his eyes when he passes by him and Renee talking in hushed tones. He’s tired and he just wants to head back and rest for a little while.

***

As usual, when night comes he goes to watch the others at the clearing where they practice. There are some nights when Wymack joins them. He gives them exercises to improve their skills and their endurance, making everyone push their skills to the limit. And those are the nights that Neil enjoys watching the most, usually staying to watch until later.

He watches Dan and Matt practice their waterbending, the water shifting from one to the other like a dance. But it doesn’t take him long for his focus to shift solely to Andrew. Every night he’s sitting in the same spot while the others practice. Sometimes Renee sits with him but more often than not he remains alone while everyone else practices hitting targets or fighting each other. Watching the others bend their elements every day makes Neil miss bending like never before. And the more he watches, the more he just wants to get up and join them. And then there was Andrew, an earthbender that could use his bending whenever he wanted and instead he prefered not to. He couldn’t figure him out. It was maddening.

Practice continues for a while but then, in a split second everything changes. Out of nowhere, Wymack lifts himself into the air with airbending to dodge a whip of water coming his direction. He shouts a warning at Matt to be more careful and when he begins to descend the force of the wind moves all the plants nearby, making Neil visible for a moment. It only happens for a split second but it’s so fast that Neil doesn’t even have time to react and it’s enough time for Wymack to spot him from the air.

Practice continues for a little longer and Neil stays frozen where he is. It’s not right to be watching them, but it’s not as if they were being secretive about it. So he waits for Wymack to approach him. And sure enough, when everyone begins to leave Wymack starts walking in his direction with Matt following behind.

“Sorry, again for--” Matt starts, trying to apologize once again for almost hitting Wymack.

“You're welcome to join us you know,” Wymack interrupts, speaking to Neil when he’s still a few feet away.

Neil sees the confusion on Matt’s face, trying to figure out to whom Wymack is talking to. Matt moves closer until he also spots Neil sitting down between the vegetation. Matt looks surprised to see him but he’s quick to send him an encouraging smile.

Neil doesn't answer. He wants to join them but he can't. His mother would slap him for just thinking about it. Neil stares at him, conflicted on what he should say. But Wymack doesn't wait for his answer and turns to leave. “Your call kid,” he adds without looking back at Neil and sends an annoyed look at Matt that makes him mumble an apology once again.

Neil gets up and Matt walks closer to him. “You know, even if you never had any training we can teach you,” after a moment Matt adds, “at least come closer, you can sit near us.”

“I'll think about it,” Neil is quick to respond, but when he sees the defeated look on Matt's face he adds, “thanks, Matt.”

***

The next day, Neil walks into the clearing where everyone is already practicing. Matt gives him a big grin when he sees him walking in their direction and Allison is quick to challenge him into a throwing knives contest that he refuses. Not because he doesn’t know how to throw knives, he does. But because he needs to share as little as possible about himself. He needs to be forgettable so that when he leaves no one remembers a thing about him.

As practice progresses, he notices that Andrew is watching him. Neil stares back for a moment and then without really knowing why, he walks until he's at Andrew's side, stopping at a safe distance. “You never practice your bending with them,” Neil comments.

He waits for an answer but after a few moments it's clear he's not getting one. Then when Neil is about to call it a mistake coming near him, Andrew speaks. “If you’re so interested why don’t you just go and join them?”

“I just like to watch them, that's all,” he replies.

“You sure?” Andrew pauses and turns towards Neil, focusing his entire attention on him. “Every night since you've been here you came to watch them practice. It seems more like an obsession,” he points out.

Neil is taken off guard, he doesn't know how Andrew knows this. He thought he had been careful up until last night. He’s not sure what he should feel at the moment, annoyed that Andrew had known where he was all along or impressed that even though every time Neil had come to watch practice he had seen both Aaron and Andrew in the clearing and still somehow Andrew had managed to figure him out. He stares back at Andrew for a moment longer and then he moves away without answering, choosing to sit down next to Dan for the rest of the night and avoid looking in Andrew’s direction.

***

Morning comes and when Neil is walking to the farm he notices someone sitting on a tall tree watching him. Immediately he thinks he’s about to get attacked but he continues to walk while he scans his surroundings for other people. He doesn’t see anyone else watching him though, but not taking any chances he decides to run away from his attacker before he gets too close. But when he’s a second away from turning around and running, he recognizes who is sitting up in the tree.

Neil takes a deep breath and continues to walk. Silently cursing Allison for scaring him so early in the day. When he passes the tree she’s sitting on, he looks up and nods at her. He continues to walk not entirely sure as to why she’s up there, his guess is that she was trying to see where he came from. Allison drops to the ground a moment later and is quick to join his side. Together they begin to descend the small hill to the farm. They walk for a minute in silence until Neil decides to speak. “Were you spying on me?”

She huffs. “Merely wanting to know where you were staying.”

“I’m staying nearby,” Neil answers.

“Yes, I gathered that much. Thank you, mister secretive,” she rolls her eyes. “Come on, why don’t you stay near us?”

“I have an ostrich horse,” Neil points out.

“So? Wymack has a stable.”

Neil doesn’t answer. And it doesn’t take them too long after that to reach the farm. When they get close to the others Allison walks away from him. “Ugh, he’s impossible,” she complains to Dan as she sits down to eat. “It’s like talking to a brick wall.”

“Welcome to my life,” Nicky mutters. And a second later a grape is thrown at his head. He yelps and looks up at Andrew but wisely chooses not to say another word.

Neil tries to hide his grin and sits down to eat with the others.

***

That night Neil walks towards the clearing debating whether or not he should go back to watch them after the conversation he had with Andrew the previous night. However, when he gets closer he freezes when he sees a figure bending fire. His brain screams at him that he needs to run, that he has been found. But a moment later it's clear that the firebender is not fighting with anyone, merely practicing some movements. Intrigued, Neil takes a deep breath and decides to take a closer look.

As he starts to walk closer to the others he can see that the firebender is a man and that his technique is impeccable. Neil watches him practice alone and then against a tall figure manipulating water that he assumes is Matt. He's transfixed, he can't take his eyes away from the fire dancing in front of him. Watching the others practice other elements was hard but seeing someone bend fire makes his fingers twitch in anticipation to do the same.

He hesitates for a moment, his mother had forbid him to use his bending, and it's been years since he's done it, but if he doesn't he's going to lose his mind. And besides, he's in the middle of nowhere on a farm with benders from all nations, no one will pay attention to another kid practicing firebending. He will be fine as long as he doesn't try to use any other type of bending. It's not as if he knows other bending types, on the run with his mother he was never allowed to try to find masters to teach him firebending much less the other elements.

He enters the clearing and walks towards where most of them are sitting watching the firebender. His heart begins to race a mile a minute at the prospect of bending again. However, when he gets close enough to the group and the person using firebending turns enough that he can see his face Neil freezes once again because he knows who the firebender in front of him is.

They hadn’t officially met, but Neil remembers watching him practice while he waited for his father the day he was announced to be the next avatar. The boy had been practicing in a facility that belonged to the Moriyama family. They didn't speak. Neil isn’t sure that he had noticed him at all on that day. But when his father was discussing his plans with Ichirou, Neil was watching him practice until Riko came to introduce himself. Riko made his skin crawl and if Neil had stayed, he would have been working there to become a Raven, a soldier for the Moryama family, just like the man firebending in front of him.

Neil begins to take a step back as panic begins to settle. He needs to leave. If a Raven is here that means he was probably found. And other Ravens must be close by. It didn't make any sense as to why he was here except if he was following orders. But why did the others all seem to know him? He could be infiltrated in this place but then how would he know that Neil would be here?

He can’t make sense as to what’s happening right now. He takes a deep breath and moves closer, he needs to figure out why a Raven is here and if he’s alone. As he walks he pays close attention to the Raven’s movements. He sees no recognition when he briefly glances at Neil, but he’s a Raven and therefore he cannot be trusted. He watches him practice his form, trying to figure out what kind of plan he has here. Neil is too lost in his mind that he only notices Wymack coming his direction when he's almost at his side.

“You alright kid?” After Neil gives him a short nod. Wymack follows his gaze to where Matt is still battling. A whip of fire is blocked by water filling the air with steam for a moment. “Finally decided to join us?”

Neil glances at the man, “I could use the practice.”

“Well, do you have any training in swords or knives?”

Neil shakes his head without taking his eyes off the firebender. He does, but that's not what he wants to practice. The man in front of him throws a punch that shoots a massive fire towards them. Neil can feel the heat that the fire is producing where he is and the more he observes the more the urge to use his bending grows.

“Are you a bender?”

Neil tightens his jaw. His mother would not be pleased with him at this moment. But then again, she’s no longer alive to tell him how to survive. “Yes,” he pauses, “I’m a firebender.”

“Well, there’s no one better than Kevin to teach you.”

Kevin. “Does he also work here?”

“No. He started studying in Ba Sing Se a few months ago and he’s here to visit.” Neil is even more confused with this information. Then without wasting time, Wymack calls Kevin’s name and he walks towards them.

Neil tightens his jaw and prepares himself. If he’s here to catch him this will be the moment he attacks. However, they are introduced and he sees no recognition in Kevin's face. Neil pays close attention to his movements, he's either a very good liar or he truly doesn't recognize him.

“Neil would like to train firebending,” Wymack explains.

“Have you had any masters?” Kevin asks him. Still no indicator that he knows who he is.

“Not for a long time,” Neil answers truthfully.

Kevin looks at him strangely. “How bad are you?”

“I’m out of practice, but I was decent.”

By the look on his face Kevin doesn't seem to believe him, “Well, maybe for now you can first practice basic forms without fire and then we’ll see how it goes.”

“Fine.”

Neil follows Kevin’s lead. He sees the others stopping what they’re doing to watch them, clearly surprised to discover that he’s also a bender. But two minutes later Neil stops. “Are you really showing me 5 year old standing positions? I thought you said we would start with forms.”

Kevin looks mildly annoyed by the interruption. “I need to determine how far behind you are, so we’re starting with the most basic. You said yourself that you were out of practice, so you need to let your body remember the basics before advancing.”

Neil thinks about rolling his eyes, he’s out of practice yes but he wasn’t thinking about doing the small children exercises you start with when you discover you’re a bender. Neil does roll his eyes when Kevin gives him a leaf and tells him to keep the flames from burning it as his next exercise. “Are you serious?”

“Just do it,” Kevin orders, and turns his back to Neil to walk towards Matt.

Neil watches them practice, feeling annoyed. And not too long after, Andrew comes to stop at his side. Andrew throws a small rock at the leaf he’s holding. “Stop it,” Neil tells him and shifts his body to the side just in time for the rock to miss his hand.

“Or what.”

“Just stop it and let me practice.”

“You call that practice?” Andrew mocks him and starts to walk away.

“Piss off,” Neil says to Andrew and when he looks down his leaf is completely burnt, ashes falling to the floor. Frustrated, fire bursts out of his hands and he quickly stops it. It felt good to just let some fire out but that small outburst makes Kevin look his way.

“Start again.” Kevin shouts at him.

Neil takes a deep breath, he thinks back to the breathing exercises he used to do when he was younger to get a hold of himself. Feeling annoyed, he grabs another leaf, burns the middle and starts again. And solely focuses on watching Kevin practice the rest of the day. He isn't sure what to think about being here with Kevin. He knows he can't trust him, he might still be working for Riko and his family. Still, everyone seems to know him and for now Neil figures that he can learn a lot from Kevin.

After practice Neil begins to return to his small camp he has made for himself but when he’s close he gets the sensation he's been followed. He starts to walk more slowly but he can’t hear a sound. He frowns, he can’t see a thing but just to be sure he keeps walking and at the next tree he passes he hides around it. He stills and focuses on his hearing. He hears nothing until he catches movement in the corner of his eye and earth quickly closes around his feet. He can’t move, and he can’t see who his attacker is so his first instinct is to light a flame to see who attacked him.

Andrew stares at Neil with a blank face. He pointendly glances at the flame in the palm of his hand and then back to his face, “I don’t know why you’re here, but if you were sent to get Kevin that will not happen.”

“I’m not--”

“Think carefully about what you’re about to say,” Andrew interrupts him and when he sees Neil opening his mouth he warns him. “I can tell if you're lying.”

Neil freezes. He knew he should have left the moment he saw Kevin. But he likes working on this farm, and the people working here, and he realizes that he doesn’t want to leave. He wants to stay and use his bending again. “I’m running from the fire nation too, I’m not here to get Kevin,” he tells him.

“You’re a firebender and you just stumbled upon our camp,” Andrew pauses, “how convenient that Kevin is also here and it's only now that you're showing you're a bender."

Neil feels himself getting frustrated and his flame begins to get bigger. He doesn't know how Kevin got here but he has bigger problems than him. “I’ve been running away for years,” he begins to explain, “I’m watching him because I haven’t had a master to teach me while I was on the run.”

Andrew seems to pause at that new information, then he says,“If you want to practice that desperately why don't you just do it?”

"I've practiced today."

"No, you haven’t. You could have been practicing with the others from day one. You could have been practicing with Kevin but instead you’re letting him treat you like you’re a child that doesn’t know anything."

Neil clenches his fists by his side. “I--” Neil starts, but he doesn't quite know what to say to Andrew. He can't explain that he's the new avatar and he's been on the run from his father ever since he found out about it. That his mother had forbidden him to use his bending but he misses it, he misses it so much that sometimes it feels like he's been holding his breath all these years. However, before Neil is able to form a response Andrew turns around and begins to walk away.

“If you want to practice, just do it,” he tells Neil and without looking back Andrew opens his hand, releasing Neil of the earth that had him stuck to the ground.

Neil takes a deep breath and stares at Andrew’s back until he can no longer see him. Then he proceeds to walk the rest of the way to the cave. That night sleep doesn’t come easily. Thoughts of his father and his men keep popping in his head. And he keeps thinking about what Andrew had said to him. He wants to train, he wants Kevin to teach him everything he knows so badly, and he wants to practice with the others just for the fun of it. But he’s scared of the power inside him because he doesn’t know how to control it. The power that got his mother killed and that his father wants to control to bring chaos into the world.

#myfic #aftg #neil josten #andrew minyard #andreil #atla!au #andreil atla au #avatar #tfc

6 notes · View notes

wematch · 6 years

Text

Close Calls

Andrew is injured at the beginning of a game by a former Raven. When Neil arrives at the hospital three hours later, some of the Foxes are already waiting for him. But none of them are quite expecting the secret Neil reveals when he gets there.

You can also read it on [AO3]

As always a big thank you to @velvetnoodle for being such an amazing beta!

[Part 1] [Part 2]

When breakfast gets delivered by the nurses, Andrew eyes his plate and turns his attention to Neil currently sitting by his side. “Go away,” Andrew tells him. “Go eat something and then come back."

“I'm fi—” Neil starts.

“You haven’t left this room since you arrived last night,” Andrew interrupts him, pointing his plastic spoon at Neil. “Go now, before I stab you.”

Neil eyes the spoon and snorts. “With that?”

Andrew ignores his question and chooses instead to glare at Neil until he gets up. “Bring me something from the vending machine,” Andrew tells him when Neil reaches the door.

Neil nods once to indicate that he heard, he doesn’t ask what Andrew wants him to bring, but he'll make sure to find him some type of chocolate. “I'll see what I can find,” Neil says, bringing two fingers to his forehead in a mocking salute before he exits.

When Neil steps into the corridor he finds the others still in the same spot as earlier, as soon as they notice him Allison stands up. “I'm going to have a conversation with Neil,” she informs the others while looking at Neil with a fierce smile.

Neil takes a deep breath; he’s not surprised by this outcome, he suspected that he would be cornered for some answers soon so he just wants to get it over with. “I'm just going to grab some food,” Neil informs her once she stops at his side.

“Look at that, you finally started to take better care of yourself,” she says.

“Andrew kicked me out of the room until I eat so…” Neil trails off as they start to walk into the corridor to take the stairs to the main floor, but regrets it as soon as he sees her grinning.

“And I keep getting more and more surprised by your monster everyday,” she comments.

In a flash Neil starts to feel anger building up on him, so he starts to jog down the stairs to try and calm himself but it doesn’t quite work. And once she meets up with him at the end he can no longer restrain himself, he was never good at keeping his mouth shut. “I've told you plenty of times before to stop calling him that.”

She passes him and opens the door to the main area, then she holds the door for him and gives him a devilish smile. “Oh, I know. I just do it to piss you off.”

“Fuck off, Allison, I really don't need your shit today,” Neil spits as he passes her to scan the place in search of some source of food. Once he spots a vending machine nearby he starts to walk in it's direction.

She sighs and trails after him, and once they reach the machine she casually leans against it, looking at her perfectly manicured hands. “Fine, let's talk about something else.” She pauses as Neil starts to put money into the machine. She sees him eyeing the products and then press the buttons for a sandwich to get out. “How about you tell me how you got married.”

“How about we talk about something else?” Neil asks back as he grabs the sandwich and puts more money into the machine. “What are you even doing in here?”

“Don't ask stupid questions; I'm here for you.”

Family, Neil thinks as Allison's hand squeezes his arm for a second. She didn't have to come here - especially because she and Andrew don't really talk to each other - but she came anyway to give Neil support. “Thanks,” he tells her, not knowing how to better express himself on how much her being here actually means to him.

“And this isn’t what I was thinking when you said you came to grab some food,” she says looking disapprovingly to the plain sandwich. ”There’s a coffee shop near the hospital entrance.”

“This is fine,” Neil murmurs as they both watch the chocolate drop. He simply doesn’t want to take too long to get back to Andrew.

“Come on, I need some details.”

Neil grabs the chocolate and gives her an unimpressed look. But he’s met with Allison’s intense expression and gives in. “Fine, what do you want to know?”

Allison starts to smile again by having Neil giving in. “Who proposed?” she asks when they start to walk back.

“I guess you can say Andrew,” Neil answers, “he just asked me what I thought about it, and two weeks later we signed the papers."

Allison stays quiet until they reach the stairs. “Why?” She asks him and grabs his arm to stop him from continuing to climb the stairs. “Look, I'm happy for you but I didn't imagine Andrew, or you for that matter, as the type to get married."

“Me neither, but...” Neil takes a deep breath. “Remember that accident I had almost two years ago, that I stayed in the ICU for a few days and no one knew how I was because I had no family, so no one was allowed to see me?” Allison nods and Neil continues, “Andrew was pissed because of it, we both were. So last year we talked about it and decided to get married so that things like that wouldn't happen again.”

Alison stays quiet for a few moments processing that information. Then a tentative smile returns to her face. “I'm happy for you, you know?” She squeezes his arm for a second before letting him go. “I might not understand Andrew, but I know that he cares about you, and I know how important he is to you.”

Neil grins at her and opens his sandwich. They walk back the rest of the way in comfortable silence and he barely registers the taste of the food in his mouth as he eats. Once they reach the others, Allison returns to her chair and starts typing on her phone, most likely informing Renee about what he just told her, and Neil takes the seat next to Matt.

“How are you holding up?” Matt asks.

Neil shrugs. “Fine,” he tells him and eats the last bite of his sandwich.

They all share a look of annoyance at his standard answer and Dan clears her throat. “Wymack wants to know where your phone is.”

“Oh, in my car?” Neil answers thinking that in the rush to get to Andrew he must have left it there. “I'm assuming you already gave him an update?”

“Of course.”

“Kevin sent me a text, so he already knows Andrew is gonna be fine,” Nicky starts, “and I sent one to Aaron as well,” he pauses, and shifts from leaning against Erik to share a look with Matt. “Oh, and Kevin also asked me to deliver a message.”

“What did he say?” Neil asks even though he can already guess what it is.

“He said for you not to do anything stupid,” Nicky tells him with a grin.

“And I agree with him,” Matt says seriously.

“I won't,” Neil answers and clenches his fists. It’s situations like this that make him want to call his uncle and ask for a favor. But he won’t do it; a favor like that would could cost him a great deal, and Andrew would kill him once he found out about it. ”I'll wait until I find him on the court to kick his ass,” he adds, and grins at Dan’s hum of approval.

“How lucky was it that he made Andrew pass out with that hit that threw him to the wall?” Nicky comments.

“He would have taken care of that asshole in a second if it wasn’t for that.” Matt says with a grin.

“Yeah,” Neil agrees, the images of what happened in the match replaying in his head once again. Andrew doesn’t take shit like that from anyone, they all know it. So whatever happens to the former Raven is deserved, it’s Andrew that worries him at the moment. Neil decides it’s time to go back to him so he stands and clears his throat. “I should get back to Andrew now.”

“Yeah go ahead; visiting hours start in about an hour so we’ll join you soon," Nicky says.

Neil nods, and starts to walk away in the direction of Andrew’s bedroom. Once he enters, Andrew’s eyes immediately open to stare back at him. He was obviously tired and tried to rest while Neil wasn’t in the room. Neil knows better than to say anything about it - he knows that if Andrew needs the rest he’ll go back to sleep once he sees that it’s only Neil entering, but Andrew starts to adjust himself so he’s properly sitting on the bed, and once Neil is close enough to Andrew he gives him the Kit Kat.

Andrew doesn't waste a second before he’s opening the package. “Are they done with the questions?” he asks once he swallows the first bite.

“Have you met them?” Neil sighs and sits in the chair next to the bed. “They sent Allison to do the early interrogation as usual,” he says, studying Andrew while he eats. Of course he had thrown Neil outside so that the others could have enough time question him.

“Oh I’m sure she must be loving this since it will provide them great betting opportunities,” Andrew tells him with a blank expression. Neil still doesn’t like when the others make bets about them, but since he knows that Andrew is probably right, so he chooses not to comment.

Once Andrew finishes devouring the chocolate, Neil takes a deep breath before speaking. “I was watching the game yesterday.”

“Of course you were.”

Neil clenches his fists before he continues. “And I saw the whole attack.”

“Your point?” Andrew asks him.

“It looked pretty bad Andrew; you scared the shit out of me,” Neil admits, and gets up to be closer, he puts his hands in the bed for support and stares at Andrew to let those words - the truth - sink in. Once he sees Andrew’s shoulders relaxing, Neil adds. “Do you have a problem with it?”

“Your entire existence has been a problem since I first met you,” Andrew says matter-of-factly.

Neil notices the little twitch on his mouth and rolls his eyes, deciding not to comment. He brings one hand to slowly run over his face and when he looks to the side he finds Andrew already studying him. “Your close calls are getting old,” Neil tells him, sounding tired, still thinking of last night.

“Oh really?” Andrew starts, not looking impressed. “Stop mimicking what I tell you.”

“Why? Don’t like what you hear?” Neil replies mockingly.

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

“Come a little closer,” Andrew says, ”and I will.”

Neil leans towards him and stops when his lips are only an inch away from Andrew’s. He closes his eyes and not a moment later he feels Andrew’s lips crash against his. Neil hums his approval and lets Andrew deepen the kiss. He lets himself forget where they are and why, and focuses purely on Andrew kissing him like his life depended on it.

When Andrew ends the kiss, his hand comes to rest on Neil's neck to ground him, to steady him, like he has done countless times before. “You're an idiot.”

Neil starts to smile when he brings his hand to Andrew's hair, he lets his fingers hold onto it and then he brings their foreheads together. The closeness calms him. “Yet, you still keep me around,” he points out.

“No one likes a smart mouth,” Andrew replies, he grabs Neil by the chin when he sees him opening his mouth to answer back. “No, no, just shut up for now,” Andrew tells him in a low tone, while looking him in the eyes, and after a few moments of studying Neil he begins to frown. “Try to rest until the others get here; you look like shit.”

Neil rolls his eyes. “Thanks,” he says and goes back to sit on the chair once again. “I can clearly see now why I keep you around,” he adds sarcastically, and then he glances at Andrew, amused.

He knows, however, that Andrew is right. He’s exhausted, and it won’t be long before the others join them, so he lets his head rest on the bed like he did during the night.

“Just keep that mouth of yours close for now so we can both rest,” Andrew tells him, and after a moment Neil feels Andrew's hand slowly going through his hair.

Neil lets himself relax, closing his eyes and concentrating on the familiar touch of Andrew, and on the soft sound of his breathing to reassure him that Andrew is right here with him. And that with a little bit of time he’s going to be alright.

#andreil #aftg #tfc #andreil fic #aftg fic #andrew minyard #neil josten #Allison Reynolds #nicky hemmick #matt boyd #dan wilds #myandreilfic

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