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NMFTG Ch 26

New Year New Me Still Dying

Neil actually explains things for once and tries to get Andrew to kill him again.

Ao3 Chapter under cut

“The pizzeria is run by a mob we know.”

“What?” Randy asked. The silence in the room was obnoxious. Well, maybe, just maybe, Neil had gotten a little too comfortable with saying whatever the fuck he wanted. Matt definitely hadn’t shared that aspect of exy with his very caring and worried mother.

“Haha,” Neil said out loud, releasing Matt and stepping back. “No, I’m fucking with you, it was closed though. Looked like a health code violation, you might want to not go back there.”

“A mob we know?” Randy asked. That would be the focal point, Matt lying to her.

“Yeah, sorry. That’s concerning to hear. Especially with,” Neil reached up and smeared the blood off his cheek. “Someone was throwing paint or something, at least I hope it was paint.” He made a grossed out noise. “No, I’ve just found the best way to deal with questions about, you know.” He gestured down to his torso. “Is to make up ridiculous stories, Matt got fixated on the mob one I told him.”

“Yeah mom,” Matt jumped in. “First he tried telling us it was an unbalanced diet.” Oddly helpful and steady, lying well by not lying at all.

“Before that he told us that he fought a bear,” Aaron said. They were almost there, the tension in her forehead smoothed out.

“Look it really could have been anything,” Neil shrugged. “It could just be a skin condition.”

Randy nodded, amused, her shoulders fully relaxing, air escaped in an ‘ah of course’ sort of way. She opened the pizza box and grabbed a slice.

It’s good to know he’s still got it.

Matt went to grab food too, shooting Neil a look that said he would be asking about this later.

“You little shit,” Aaron said in German. “What happened?” Apparently deciding to ask about it right then.

“Bad joke, don’t worry about it,” Neil lied in German. “Let me go wash this off.” He said in English.

“What happened?” Kevin asked in French.

Being multilingual was a mistake.

Neil ran a paper towel through the sink and scrubbed at his cheek, it came away dark red.

“Either I’ve solved half your problems or I’m dying next week or both, I don’t know.” Neil said in French as he tossed the paper towel into the trash.

“Stop being rude,” Nicky complained. “Neil still owes me a glass of champagne, we saved you one.”

“How did you even manage that?” Kevin asked in French.

Neil ignored him and went to immediately accept and down the plastic cup of champagne from Nicky, who cheered as he did so. Was Nicky helping on purpose? Or did he just want Neil to drink?

Neil pulled off his coat and shoes, he’d have to find a dry cleaner in Palmetto to get off the gunpowder residue, he wasn’t burning the coat Nicky gave him. He sat back down at the table and very pointedly asked Randy about new years resolutions.

She stayed up for another half hour before pleading old age and going off to her room. Matt raised the volume of the tv and then stared at Neil.

The champagne sadly hadn’t been enough to make the night less painful. He had just decided to start telling the truth a little more believably too. But now with a panel of expectant faces all wondering where the fuck he went that night and consequently what he’d meant by his little breakdown when he got back, the only thing in his head was the word escape.

He could maybe distract them long enough to avoid it. Neil glanced at Erik, the interloper, who raised an eyebrow in response.

“I assume this has to do with the mob bird team?” Erik asked. It was hard to say if he forgot the team was called the Ravens or was just trying to be funny.

“How much does he know?” Kevin asked Nicky.

“I tell him everything,” Nicky shrugged.

“You told him about the extremely sensitive and dangerous mob run exy team, the one that the mere knowledge of could result in all of us being killed?” Kevin’s face went pale.

“Yeah,” Nicky said. “Who says mere?”

Erik leaned over and pressed his lips to Nicky’s forehead, the movement easy and more intimate than any wild fantasy or incredibly detailed monologue about Neil’s ass that Nicky had ever spouted off. It left Neil more unsettled than the prospect of talking about his impromptu negotiations with the mob heir.

“How much incriminating evidence do you think Riko kept on his phone?” Neil redirected.

“Oh god what did you do?” Kevin asked.

Matt tapped his fingers along the table. “The Moriyama’s run my pizzeria?”

Neil shrugged. “Or they own whoever does. There was an execution going on when I walked in.”

They all froze, faces dropped from concern to panic. Except Kevin who put his head in his hands.

“What?” Neil asked.

“You walked in on them killing a guy?” Aaron asked.

“Yeah.”

“Are you okay?” Matt asked.

“What do you mean?” Neil was fine, he was upright and alive for at least another week. He hadn’t even gotten injured.

“You saw someone die.” Matt said as if that were a huge deal.

Hm.

Oh right, yeah. Or no, actually. Because they dragged Simone away unconscious but still living so Neil didn’t see shit this time. He did shoot him though so there was a 50/50 chance he killed that guy. Something told Neil that wouldn’t exactly be the calming information to his audience that it was to him. And also it was sort of beside the point.

“Matt, Nicky, Erik maybe—I don’t know what your life is like. I need the three of you to brace yourselves.”

“Oh god,” Nicky said, his hands grabbed onto the edge of the table.

Matt’s eyes somehow got wider.

Erik just seemed puzzled.

“I have no idea how many people I’ve seen die, but let’s not worry about that right now.”

Aaron groaned. “Were you raised by serial killers?” He asked half-joking.

Kevin made a considering face and Neil threw his empty champagne cup at him.

“My weird childhood is besides the point,” Neil tried again. “Kevin, what would have been on that phone?”

“He’s not careful,” Kevin said. “I don’t know for sure, but it could be anything, everything, or nothing. What did you do?”

“I gave his SIM card to his brother and heavily implied that Riko was about to bring everything down with reckless abandon if someone didn’t put a leash on him.”

Kevin put his head down on the table, skipping his hands this time.

“I can’t tell how insane that is,” Matt said. “Are we screwed or is Riko?”

“The trouble is, I don’t really know. It could go either way.” The fact that Ichirou also called him insane wasn’t exactly inspiring confidence. But he said he would look into it which would hopefully reveal the obvious information that Riko was out of control.

“How many people would you have to see die to stop being able to keep count?” Nicky asked. “I feel like that’s a sight that stands out against time.”

Erik wrapped an arm around Nicky, who slumped against him like Erik was his center of gravity.

“Do you want to explain or elaborate?” Matt asked. “Just this once as a holiday treat.”

“Not really,” Neil admitted, the year was already too long and they were only an hour into it. And that was without getting into the melodrama of blood, knives, and bodies that were his earliest memories.

“You’re in worse trouble than Kevin aren’t you?” Aaron asked. What did he think Neil meant by assuring him he was going to die the other day? That it would be of old age in his sleep? Had Neil somehow deflected that too well?

“My trouble doesn’t matter right now.” Neil answered.

“But you are in trouble?” Matt asked.

“Depends on what you mean by trouble,” Neil wasn’t dealing with the dying conversation again. “My mom’s dead so in a very real sense I can’t get in trouble anymore.”

Matt threw his hands up.

“I’ve always been in trouble, I can handle it.” Neil waved it off. Being born, being alive, apparently not being with the Ravens. And now whatever Ichirou would do in a week.

“You’ve said that before,” Nicky said, bizarrely astute. “Or some variation. That’s why you’re not afraid of Andrew, right? Because you’ve dealt with worse your whole life?”

Nicky wasn’t wrong, but he also wasn’t quite right.

“Oh my god, don’t get him started on Andrew,” Aaron groaned.

“I’m not afraid of Andrew because he hasn’t given me a reason to be.”

“He drugged you for information and threatened you with a knife.” Nicky said.

“You, tweedle dipshit, and tweedle dumbass,” Neil pointed to Nicky, Kevin, and Aaron. “Were all there too and the three of you are about as scary as a pack of declawed kittens. He’s never actually cut me. I find him to be the most reasonable and straightforward of the lot of you. And you know what? To be honest? He drugged me to learn all my secrets and I know what those are, fair enough. It’s what I would have done. I could name like forty people who I’ve met personally that are worse and I’m only afraid of seven of them. Andrew is just some guy to me.”

Aaron flapped a hand at Neil in a ‘see what I mean,’ gesture.

“Should I be proud Andrew has a friend or disturbed that you think all of that was okay?” Nicky asked.

“My head hurts, you find it easier to talk to Andrew?” Matt asked. “Wait why am I surprised? You’re both equally difficult, terrifying, and unpredictable.”

“Correct, wrong but subjective, and just unfounded.” Neil said.

“Unfounded,” Matt repeated.

“Oh whatever,” Neil gave up, literally. He got up from the table and face planted into the couch.

“Neil!” Nicky complained.

“Neil is done for the day, check back tomorrow.”

They got to the airport early the day after. Randy went with them, distributing warm smiles and a reminder that she would love it if they came back again over the summer. She held on tight to Matt, squished his cheeks between her hands and told him to be good.

And then they marched in to check their bags and get through security.

Erik’s flight was first which meant a long twenty minute goodbye where Nicky clinged to his boyfriend and failed at not crying. Nicky’s knuckles were pale where he gripped onto Erik’s shirt, his face buried in Erik’s neck. Whatever the two of them said to each other was too soft for Neil to hear.

Erik went through his gate and Nicky sobbed, his hands clapped over his own mouth and then he visibly swallowed it all down. He looked unmoored.

Matt, Aaron, Kevin all were looking around the airport, avoiding the sight.

Andrew probably wouldn’t give a shit. Always more preoccupied with the physical safety of his group than their tears or frustration.

Neil found it uncomfortable, he wanted to look away and wait it out. But more than that he wanted Nicky to stop.

When Neil had still been small enough to command pity, a common enough tactic he and Mary had used was for him to cry. Distracting adults while Mary moved unwatched. When faced with crying children people often resorted to contact, a hug, a tethering arm on the shoulder, a pat on the back, soft words that meant nothing.

Neil reached out and put a hand on Nicky’s shoulder and Nicky turned and collapsed against him.

Okay, sure, hugging was fine.

Nicky was shaking in Neil’s arms as Neil tapped him on the back. “There, there,” Neil said in a simulacrum of comfort.

“Wow,” Aaron said.

Neil flipped him off behind Nicky’s back and let Nicky keep hugging him.

It wasn’t the worst. Maybe it was even nice. Casual and affection were two words Neil wasn’t even sure of the definitions of. Ever since joining the Foxes the number of times he’d been touched without violence or pretense had gone up almost ridiculously.

He didn’t think he was anywhere near getting used to it, to not being startled by contact. He thought maybe that benchmark was a little too far away for him to ever experience, he’d be dead long before then. But at the very least he’d been around the Foxes long enough to think it wasn’t horrible.

Nicky stepped back, rubbed the tears from his eyes and gave Neil a soft “thanks.”

Neil nodded and gestured on to where their gate was waiting.

They touched back down in Palmetto and Neil experienced retrieving a suitcase from the revolving conveyor belt of other people’s shit for the first time in his life.

Matt had left his truck in long term parking before they left for New York, so after they retrieved their bags they just climbed in and Matt drove them back to campus.

It felt as though several life times had eclipsed between the week and a half they had been gone. Neil had a second bag, several healing knife wounds, and maybe a week to live. Clearly it had been a productive trip.

Matt pulled into Fox Tower and Andrew was already there leaning against his car. A cigarette hanging from his mouth, a long line of smoke trailing up into the air as he stared impassively.

“I thought we were getting you today?” Nicky asked as he climbed out of the truck.

That had been the plan as far as Neil knew. They all climbed out after Nicky.

“Hey man, how’s sobriety?” Matt asked.

Andrew’s gaze passed over them all without a word.

He had been so expressive before, now his face was still and his eyes seemed void of any emotion.

“Right cool, good talk dude,” Matt said before moving to get his bag out of the trunk.

Was this it? Andrew sober? Or was he still recovering? Was it the same formless apathy that overtook Neil most days. Dread left hanging so long it melts into nothing, carving out bones until standing takes too much effort. Everything just rubber and sinew.

Neil pulled his suitcase and duffle out of Matt’s truck and stacked one on top of the other. He pulled out his keys, separated the one for Andrew’s car from the rest and tossed it over.

Andrew caught it in a smooth motion.

“You,” Andrew pointed to Nicky, his voice low and steady. “Stay. The rest go.”

And Neil picked up his bags and started for the doors. “Let’s go,” he urged the other three over his shoulder.

“God forbid he give us an answer,” Aaron grumbled as he followed Neil.

“Did you want some attention, Aaron?” Neil asked. “I can tell you how I’m doing.”

“Asshole.”

“Is that what he was like before?” Matt asked as he hit the elevator button.

“Yeah, pretty much. Ignoring everyone and making grand demands and unilateral decisions without consulting anyone.” Aaron answered. “So different from the medication.”

They got on the elevator.

“Well, he used to smile more,” Matt blanched. “Well, Dan would smack me for saying that.”

“This is better than the laughing,” Neil said, thinking of how Andrew had sounded after Drake left the parking lot. “Much better.”

“He’ll be more focused now,” Kevin said, almost pleading.

“Good luck with that.”

Neil had unpacked, a row of poorly wrapped Christmas presents set out on his dresser, by the time Nicky shuffled into the room.

“How is he?” Matt asked.

“I really can’t tell,” Nicky admitted. “He wants to talk to you.” He said to Neil.

Neil nodded and grabbed the present for Andrew. “How much did you tell him?” Neil asked.

“As much as I know about, I guess. Renee’s trial, championships, New York, Riko. I had no idea how to explain New Years, so I didn’t even try.”

Fair enough.

Neil left his dorm and found Andrew waiting in the stairwell. Andrew turned and went up without a word.

“I gotta say the silence might be more dramatic than the evil laughter, you’ve really upgraded.” Neil said as they went up. “I’m quaking in my shitty sneakers.”

Andrew shoved open the roof access door and stepped out into the cold sunlight.

“How’d you get back?” Neil asked.

“Bee picked me up,” Andrew said, calm, even, mellow. Hinged even. He turned to Neil and studied his appearance.

Neil had, admittedly, changed quite a bit since Andrew saw him last. His eyes were blue, his hair was bright orange, he still had the remnants of two black eyes from Kevin punching him and a healing cut on his hairline from where Riko had thrown him into a wall.

He had on his new black coat from Nicky, the collar of his fluorescent yellow and green button up peaked out from the zipper. And to top it all off was the orange knit hat Katelyn had made him with little white foxes and racquets all around it.

Andrew’s eyes narrowed, he reached up and pulled the hat off Neil’s head.

“Isn’t there enough orange?” Andrew asked.

“You don’t have to look at me.” Neil reached for his hat. “That was a gift. Speaking of here.” Neil handed Andrew the little wrapped cylinder and pulled his hat back on his head.

Andrew looked down at it for a long moment before peeling off the wrapping paper. It was a metal canister of fancy hot cocoa mix. Neil had no taste for sweets so he had simply made Kevin try the free samples and bought the one that made him angriest.

“It was time to do my roots and I thought I might as well make it a color I actually like,” Neil finally answered. “Do you not give Nicky Christmas presents, he almost cried when Kevin and I did.”

“Kevin?” Andrew asked, still staring at the can.

“I made him buy everyone presents, I think he got you a book about haunted buildings in New York. So, you have that to look forward to.”

Andrew put the can down on the top of one the vents that lived on top of the building. He turned to Neil.

“Did you get this keeping your word?” Andrew moved on, reaching up to press his thumb in a line from the cut to the bruises around Neil’s eyes.

“Yeah, I was valiantly defending Kevin’s fist from the dangerous air behind my head.” Andrew’s hand was colder than the air, maybe Neil should have gotten him gloves.

Andrew pressed down harder.

“Riko tried to get me to go to Evermore, said if I didn’t a doctor at Easthaven would hurt you. I called bullshit and Kevin thought I was killing you.”

“I don’t need or want anyone’s protection,” Andrew said, dropping his hand.

“I thought you didn’t like repeating yourself? What’s with the rerun? I didn’t ask, neither did Kevin. Or the rest of the team as we all argued about what crimes to commit to get you out of there. Or Wymack and Dobson as they actually did it.”

“Maybe I think if I say it enough it’ll finally get through your thick skull. I can handle myself.”

“You don’t have to,” Neil said. “If you’re jumping in front of every issue for everyone else shouldn’t at least one other person be watching your back?”

“Hypocrite.”

“My issues will get everyone killed. So far yours have just gotten me lightly maimed.”

Andrew’s hand reached and then stalled about two inches from the hem of Neil’s jacket.

“Nicky said you got stabbed.” He pulled out and lit a cigarette.

“Nicky overexhaggerated, slightly.” Neil said. “I’m not taking my shirt off out here so you can see if I flinch. It was shallow cuts but even if Riko had stabbed me I would still be fine. And it would still be worth it. Your life is worth it.”

“I hate you,” Andrew warned. “I’ll kill you.”

“I’ll even tell you how to get away with it.” Right then, in a week, or a month, or whenever his father finally caught up to him. All that would change is the person doing it.

“I already know how to do that.”

“You know how to cause a car accident,” Neil dismissed. “But you’re not gonna leave my death up to machines. You’re gonna kill me with your hands. That’s a whole different game.”

Andrew put his free hand up in a mocking choke. “Don’t tempt me.” He said with a drag of his cigarette.

Neil reached up and snagged Andrew’s sleeve, pulled his hand right to Neil’s neck.

“Do it,” Neil urged, a good death was all he wanted. “You could leave me up here until nightfall and then drag me down to the car and out to Columbia. I’m sure you know a nice deserted corner to leave me in. I’ll tell you where to cut me apart after, you’d do a good job. I know you would, with a little direction.”

Andrew’s hand didn’t move, he didn’t squeeze it shut or pull away. But the cigarette in his other hand snapped in half. “Or I could just throw you off this roof and tell everyone you jumped,” he said.

“Come now, Andrew, I already told you this isn’t high enough to kill me and I’d just drag you down too.”

“You were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs.” Andrew swayed forward and then stepped back, pulled his sleeve out of Neil’s grip. Well, it was worth a shot.

“That’s a nice thought, isn’t it?” Neil mused. “I wish you were just hallucinating me, that would be a better existence. If you’re not killing me today, next week someone from the Moriyama main branch is coming here to maybe do that.” Might as well warn him while they were doing the winter updates.

“Explain,” Andrew lit another cigarette and looked away. Turned his gaze out over the campus.

“When Riko pulled his New York stunt I stole the SIM card from his phone. I hadn’t decided what to do with it when I happened upon a Moriyama execution. I’d run into the guy before actually, he’d bragged about stealing money from his boss to hit on my mother and then sold us out and almost got us both killed, years ago.” It was amazing how long Simone had managed to live.

“He still remembered me, I still remembered him. Caused a bit of a scene.” Neil debated elaborating. “Anyway Ichirou Moriyama was the one presiding over it. So I took the opportunity to hand over the SIM card and suggest he muzzle Riko. He said he’d get back to me in a week. They might kill me, they might fire Riko out of some sort of cannon, it’s hard to say.”

“Your insistence on goading everyone you meet into killing you is getting old.”

“Well if someone would just get it over with I wouldn’t have to keep trying.” Neil stole Andrew’s cigarette to make him look at Neil again. “This part is serious, if I tell you they’re here you need to keep away until it’s over and make sure everyone else does. I only told Kevin about the week deadline but he was drunk.”

“Like you’ve stayed away from everyone else’s problems?” Andrew asked.

Neil pointed at himself, “dying regardless,” he pointed at Andrew, “long life full of monologues and chocolate so long as you don’t involve yourself in my execution.”

Andrew looked away again. “Get out of my sight.” He said.

Neil held out the cigarette where Andrew could see it and waited for him to take it. “I’m glad you're back,” Neil told him before going back inside.

#aftg #no more fucks to give #fanfiction #nmftg

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