#neil knows it and is more than happy to oblige

[bisexualchaosdemon]

You cannot tell me that andreil don't end up with a thing for ✨️enthusiastic✨️consent

[magniloquent-raven]

Billy and El's relationship headcanons?

Yessss!! Always more than happy to talk about these two

I love El just kind of deciding that her and Billy are friends now. Billy gets no say in the matter.

She spends a lot of her time after Starcourt hanging out in his hospital room. Like, sitting in the corner quietly reading or practising her penmanship, anything that'll keep her occupied while Billy lays there and pretends to watch whatever's on TV. They don't really talk much. So Billy kind of figures Max put her up to this, keeping an eye on him. Or she's doing it out of some kind of obligation because he sort of saved her life.

The reality of it is that she doesn't feel quite at home living with the Byers yet, so she's finding any excuse to be elsewhere. And it just so happens that she wants to keep Billy company. It's a win-win.

When Billy gets out he figures he won't see her anymore. She's got her nerds to hang out with, she doesn't need to waste any more time on him now that everyone's pretty sure he's not gonna die.

Except the day after he moves into the tiny little apartment that some government stooge picked out for him, El shows up at his door with a gift bag in hand (Joyce introduced her to the concept of a housewarming present, and she was very excited about trying it out). It's already weird enough being on his own, trying to figure out how to live in his own space while he's relearning how to use his own body. He's navigating a lot of uncertainty, and then this kid comes along and he doesn't understand this either. It's a lot. He's going through a lot.

So he's a little too blunt when the first thing that comes out of his mouth is, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

She doesn't seem to notice the tone. Doesn't care that he's being rude. She just holds up the bag and smiles. "Making your house warm." She explains in careful, clipped sentences, that Joyce told her it's a thing friends do. That's the only part he really hears. Friends.

When he stepped between her and the Mind Flayer he didn't expect to get a friend out of it. He didn't expect anything but the pain that followed. The blood. The plan was to be a temporary shield for someone who deserved to live more than he did. He did his job. Max has never thanked him for it, why should anyone else.

He's not sure why her declaration makes his eyes well up. He doesn't really want to think about it that hard, if he's perfectly honest. It's awkward enough trying to blink away tears while some kid he barely knows intently watches him pull wads of tissue paper off a lumpy pile of...blanket? There's a fuzzy green throw blanket at the bottom of the bag, and he's not sure if that's going to make him laugh or cry some more.

By the time Mrs. Byers shows up that evening, he's feeling a little less emotionally unstable. A little. She spent the day helping him shelve all the books he never bothered unpacking after Neil moved them to Indiana. Every so often she'd ask what one was about, and always with refreshingly unbiased curiosity, never why do you have that or I wouldn't have expected you read something like this.

He knows a little about where she's from, memories the Mind Flayer left behind, impressions and echoes. He knows enough to understand why she is the way she is.

It occurs to him after she leaves that she knows just as much, if not more about him. The realization gives him vertigo, the bottom of his stomach dropping away. But despite that, he wonders if it's a good thing. They don't have to explain themselves to each other, they can just. Be friends. Might be nice.

bonus tidbits:

Billy lets El have a beer one time and she deeply regrets asking for one, because it's gross. She has to use his mouthwash twice and she's still making disgusted faces about it like an hour later

El's canon habit of dressing like people she spends a lot of time with. She hangs out with Billy for like two months and ends up getting a Joan Jett rocker shag. She steals a jean jacket from Jonathan. She likes his earring but when he tells her how ear piercing works she gets really upset because needles scare her. So he buys her some clip-ons

Max hates how much time they spend together, at first. She's jealous that they're so close. Both of them are people she's really wanted to like her but initially rejected her, and now they're just automatically each other's BFFs? How is that fair? But it's hard to stay angry when Billy seems so much happier nowadays, and she knows El has trouble making friends

It takes Billy a long time to get comfortable around Joyce. When she comes by to pick El up she's always so friendly and. Mom-like. One time she gave him a little pat on the shoulder and said she hopes he's doing okay all alone up here, before she left with El, and he spent the next ten minutes sitting on the floor in tears

Personally, I've always HCd El as a lesbian, I just think it would take her SO much to actually figure it out, because her relationship with Mike is kind of the first thing she latched onto after leaving the lab, so it would be hard to come to terms with what that attachment really is. But I like toying with the idea of her being introduced to the idea of what queerness even is via Billy's memories. She's scared to bring it up for a long time, it was something she only saw because he had so many memories of being made to feel bad about it, she doesn't quite understand all the shame and the anger, but it makes the idea of being gay scary. After she looked into Billy's memories she started to notice the things people say in real life, the attitudes they have, now that she's got context for what that kind of stuff means. And she doesn't know who to talk to about it other than Billy. Which would not go well at first, because it's Billy. But after they talk it out he'd be soooo much more protective of her, like. Insisting on driving her any time she wants to go somewhere, glowering at literally everybody who looks at her funny. Kinda hovering around waiting for there to be someone to beat the shit out of for her.

El being made aware of queerness being a thing might make her more likely to notice Will's gay too tbh, and then she'd be super protective of him. El ends up at Billy's place super agitated one day and ends up telling Billy the things she heard people saying about Will, and Billy's like, oh, well. I may have to run some kids over, okay.

[bigdumbbambieyes]

happiest of birthdays to my friend @stevewhoreington 🤍🤍

nsfwish

Billy doesn’t know how to be loved because he hasn’t had someone genuinely care about him in a long, long time.

And while it breaks Steve’s heart when he realizes this, he naturally wants to find out how to love Billy best and they experiment with different things.

It starts easy, like going on a date. But it turns out that Billy prefers private dates at home or someplace that’s just them, like the drive-in, so the worry of being caught is low. They still get ready for their dates like they normally would, because they love primping themselves, but it’s just to make dinner at Steve’s house. They cook together, laughing and arguing like a old married couple, and Billy rolls his eyes when Steve lights candles between them at the table, but the way he gently rubs his socked foot against Steve’s ankle says a lot more than his mouth does. They decide that quality time is never wasted when it’s spent with each other.

They try cuddling next, in which they discover that Billy likes cuddling for about ten minutes - before he gets too hot and becomes irritated. But, he immediately misses Steve’s touch, so they compromise by taking breaks and letting Billy initiate those breaks. Steve usually initiates the cuddling overall because he’s used to it, and he loves how huffy Billy gets, hearing that ‘fine, yeah, whatever, do what you want’ while he turns onto his side to be the little spoon. Physical touch becomes a necessity for them, always seeking out warm skin and the comfort of each other’s embrace.

They try buying each other little gifts, which is more Steve’s favourite because he loves spoiling his boyfriend while Billy’s just okay with it - he’d rather save money for them to leave Hawkins, anyway. And Steve doesn’t mind that Billy keeps all of his little spoils in his room, because it’s better than Neil finding them in Billy’s room. Gift giving is fine, but they keep it for special occasions (or whenever Steve wants).

Next, words of affection and praise, which Billy loves. Especially late at night, when Steve’s pressing him into the mattress with sharp, possessive thrusts and tugging on a fistful of blond curls, pulling Billy’s head up just enough so that he can hear the soft, whining pants as Billy falls apart. He’ll breathe ‘good boy’ into Billy’s ear and the blond clenches around him, begs for more, and Steve’s more than happy to oblige. Outside of the bedroom, he tells Billy when he does a good job or when he’s proud of him, just to watch him get flustered or huffy.

The sweet blush on those freckled cheeks makes Steve think that showering Billy in praise might be the best way to love him, and he’s not wrong, but Billy will take any and all forms of Steve’s love.

It’s what he deserves.

[peaceoutofthepieces]

4 + kandreil for the ask game ? hope you’re doing well <33

you could not have chosen better tysm

4. Shut-Up Kiss

Andrew berates Neil endlessly for running his mouth, but Neil has never known anyone to rant as pointlessly and frequently as Kevin. Sometimes it's almost charming; Kevin's love for history sends him on tangents of fascination every now and again, especially with a drink or two loosening his tongue, and his genuine respect and fanboy adoration for the Trojans—and Jeremy Knox��is almost sweet. Sometimes it's concerning; Kevin's breathing turns ragged and his eyes grow foggy when his mind returns to the Nest, and sometimes, now, commentary will come with it, the knowledge that Riko can't touch him anymore allowing Kevin to tell some of the stories that have refused to die with Riko, at least when Andrew and Neil are the only ones around to hear it.

Other times, it's annoying as shit. In these instances, Neil cannot help thinking Kevin's tattoo is glaringly accurate.

Kevin is nothing if not a drama queen.

"You have been doing this drill for two years," Kevin rants now, eyes full of thundery frustration as he looks down at Neil. "You should have long perfected it, even without the addition of your captaincy, and soon I will not be here to pick up your slack. I do not understand how you expect to–"

The thing about Kevin's ranting now is that it's annoying as shit, but the angrier Neil is at Kevin these days the more he wants him. Neil doesn't—will never—find Kevin's scoldings endearing or amusing or anything of the sort, too short of temper as he is, but he has always found a pull in response to Kevin's fire because of how terribly it matches his own.

The thing about Kevin's ranting now is that Neil can still fantasise about punching him while kissing him instead.

Kevin makes a noise against Neil's mouth, indignant and pissed off and wanting, and the fire in Neil's veins stokes higher, burns hotter. He curls a hand around Kevin's neck and draws him down, down, satisfied only when Kevin's arms fall to his waist and pull him up in response.

They only startle apart when a ball thwacks the floor a few inches from their feet, both breathing hard. Neil feels a savage smile curl his lips at the sight of Kevin's hooded eyes, his lips parted and silent.

Then he looks over at Andrew, who appears as bored as ever to anyone who knows him less, but to Neil is amused and annoyed and interested all at once, if only for how his gaze bores into them. He raises an eyebrow at Neil, and Neil is shrugging before he has even consciously decoded the expression, agreeing yes, alright, I'm stealing your moves now.

"Thanks for the show," Andrew says, dryly, and Kevin makes another wordless noise somewhere between dismissive and craving. "Are you done yet?"

To give credit where credit is due, in the past few months of embedding himself more deeply in them than ever before, Kevin had found the remainder of his spine and has been learning to recover himself remarkably quickly. He presses his palm to the dip of Neil's spine and meets Andrew's eyes to return, "Eager to get back to the dorms?"

Andrew flicks his gaze over to Neil, and Neil obliges; Andrew is not quite close enough, but Neil is more than happy to kiss Kevin quiet again.

send me a number + ship

[surely-galena]

Changing the Status Quo of ToT

[WC: 2.1K]

I've been thinking about where Tears of Themis has been heading lately.

ToT is a surprising blend of otome and detective/mystery game, and because of this, it can be difficult to create a balance that satisfies both halves. By focusing too much on the main story, the game risks losing out on sweet moments MC has with the love interests. But on the other side of the coin, by leaning too much into otome, the main story risks being buried or being dragged out longer than necessary.

Am I saying that ToT is failing to hit this balance? Not objectively, because my personal nitpicks with the game could be reasons why someone else might enjoy it.

But I am saying that with the way ToT is created, I cannot help but feel they are building up for something drastic to happen. Something that shifts the way we see the story forever, something so that the characters are never the same again.

Something that changes the status quo permanently.

To be fair, if the developers have planned for this, it's a good strategy. Something absolutely bonkers happening in the main story that upends almost everything would get people talking -- and word of mouth means more people playing the game. Certain examples of massive events like these off the top of my head are Amphibia's season 2 finale and the Hatoful Boyfriend secret route.

There is a certain thing that cannot happen in ToT, of course, and that is killing off one of the four love interests: Luke, Artem, Vyn, or Marius. Although it's not impossible (and would certainly be gutsy), I'd argue that the decision would be too risky.

We all know Luke has massive death flags, but given the nature of an otome game, permanently killing any one of them would risk backlash -- especially from the players who are attached to the now-dead character.

While this decision might work out for the detective/mystery genre, it clashes with the otome aspect. Unless it's a deliberately tragic game or is used in exploration of a greater theme (see: Psychedelica of the Black Butterfly), love interests are basically contractually obligated to not die unless it's a bad ending. And ToT doesn't do bad endings, because that's what the AU cards are for.

Ultimately, Tears of Themis is an otome with detective/mystery elements. This is how I see it, and I'm pretty sure this is also how the game is primarily marketed. So instead of something like Danganronpa which is basically mystery solving with a side of dating sim elements, ToT is otome first, mystery second.

Arguably, there have been some turning points that have indeed changed the status quo we saw in Main Story Episode 1!

MC joins the NXX (Main Story 5)

The lack of a final court case in Main Story 6, and the ensuing hollow victories in Main Stories 7 & 8

But these events feel like they're building up to something. At this point, I don't think we're heading for an ending that waves a hand and tells us everyone lived happily ever after, because that would feel cheap. We can have a happy ending, of course, but it has to feel earned. And in order for a happy ending to be satisfying, the characters have to fight for it, not have it handed to them on a plate.

So that got me thinking. What are examples of events that could cause a drastic shift in the game?

1) One of the main five is a traitor

A lot of the time, revealing a mole/double agent (reluctant conspirator or not) is interesting because it forces us to change our perception of a character. A side character who turns out to be a traitor is fine because we don't care about them. But for someone who is currently part of the NXX -- including MC -- to turn against the group? That's interesting. That's something that will change the group dynamic for a long time. (Exceptions for Neil and Giann because they're a) already suspect and b) it's likely the player doesn't care for them as much as the main cast, because their primary value lies in their connection to the main characters).

Of course, care would have to be taken here if the traitor isn't MC, because you don't want to risk alienating fans of a specific love interest. In this case, the traitor would most likely be redeemed by MC or have second doubts about his choice to betray the NXX. This means all roads lead to redemption, because it probably wouldn't be a good idea to end a well-liked love interest's arc negatively.

In the same way, an important side character turning traitor would be interesting, but not as impactful as the main five. It would be a massive plot twist, of course, but on the whole, it doesn't affect the status quo as much. Unless, of course...

2) One of the important side characters (i.e. someone with a face and is positively linked to one of the main five) turns out to be the big bad

For example: Kiki Bennet is actually behind the whole conspiracy, but hides behind the guise of a cute, internet-savvy attorney-in-training.

If the developers were to go this route, it would have to be done carefully, with some foreshadowing so that the twist doesn't appear out of nowhere. It wouldn't feel earned if details about a side character were simply retconned and tossed aside. Similarly to the first point, this would recontextualize a character, but in a massive enough way that would impact the entire NXX group. Here, I used Kiki as an example because it would be fairly easy to twist her into someone who is at the law firm to keep tabs on MC, and her internet connections could be used as a cover for a hub of secrets and information.

3) The introduction of a fifth, secret love interest

We've talked a little about this in the ToT discord server I'm in (shoutout to @lukepearcing and @roshie-writes here). And yes, the character we've decided is most likely to be the additional love interest is Jerome.

This would, essentially, create a sort of villain route for MC, where she gets her true enemies-to-lovers plotline. While this may not necessarily impact the main story greatly, it would drastically change the otome part of the game -- especially if it comes with UI changes to suit the addition of a new main character.

4) The world of Stellis is not as we know it

The inclusion of Zangr is arguably enough to build on this idea. Of course, Zangr could just be comic relief, or the standard fourth-wall-breaking character. But if Zangr was right all along, and that there is a (fictional) world outside of Stellis, or that there's some kind of multiverse out there, that would change things no matter whether we liked it or not.

(I sort of talk about this idea in referencing the 2022 ToT April Fools' poster.)

Is this a good twist? Honestly, it would be very difficult to pull off. Tropes like "it was all a dream" or "all of it was fake" are extremely hard to execute well. With the main conflict currently linked to the NXX drug, though, I don't see this as something that is likely to happen. I won't rule it out of the picture, but as of now, it's thematically pretty unlikely.

5) Time travel / MC is looping and she doesn't know it

Is this a trope that has been done heaps of times? Yeah.

But it would change the story -- and would allow for love interests to actually die (e.g. if someone uncovers the NXX and assassinates each one of them, resulting in MC looping back to a certain point in time). I don't really have much evidence to support this apart from the prologue, which implies MC has been through some horrible things, and the continual exploration of memory as a theme. (I elaborate a little on the memory theme in my Giann sprite theory.)

For some reason, I always find myself returning to that prologue. Maybe it's metaphorical and has been all along. But I cannot help but feel that in some way, it was meant to foreshadow something that still looms over our main cast.

6) The group dynamic changes in some way

This is perhaps not as impactful as some of the points above, but would still significantly shift things. I've spoken about the potential for an NXX schism in my post about Vyn, responsibility, and trust. The NXX breaking apart, either as individuals or into groups would definitely make for a change in the main story (and would probably not affect the otome aspect as the game will probably let MC be an intermediary and not pick a side).

Alternatively, adding people to the group would also dramatically change things. Some examples of new people could be Darius or Vincent, but the additions also be old members like Neil and (just maybe!) Giann.

The current NXX has been slowly growing together over the last couple of team events. Perhaps something could happen to slow this growth, or something could happen to accelerate it.

7) MC isn't who we think she is

This is very similar to the MC is a traitor point above, but in this particular idea, she doesn't have to be a traitor. This time I'm thinking of something more akin to the twist in Bee & Puppycat season 1, or something connected to her identity or parents. Maybe she isn't just an up-and-coming attorney who believes in hope and justice. Maybe there's something in her memories that she's blocked out and can't remember, or something that she's deliberately hiding from everyone else. If something like this is done, it would completely recontextualize MC, and it would be significant because she's the protagonist. If there's anyone we think we know, it's her.

8) Protagonist switch

That said, is MC/Rosa truly the main character? I mean, she kinda has to be -- she's the girl the main four guys are in love with.

But imagine, even if for a single episode, we play as Ingrid Rosworth, or any other character that isn't part of the main five. If the NXX conspiracy is bigger than we think it is, it could be interesting to step aside for a minute and peek into someone else's perspective. Baldr is kind of a joke at this point, but what if they weren't? This is somewhat connected to the idea of side characters becoming more important, and seeing them influence the plot could impact the direction that the NXX takes. Is this something that will dramatically impact the status quo? Probably not. Is it still an interesting idea? I like to think so :D

-

When trying to break down ToT, I think it's almost inevitable to separate the slice-of-life romance from the main mystery at hand. It's pretty much a given that most of the card stories and solo/couple events branch off after the first anniversary, and maybe even before that.

What this means is that the romance cards/events cannot actively impact the main story, and the main story cannot select a 'canon' love interest for MC or do something that will impact the romance timeline(s) too heavily. And hence, if we were to encounter a significant twist in the main plot, the romance aspect is unlikely to be affected too much. This is probably why a lot of dramatic events happen in the AU cards, because they sort of test the waters -- and allow the developers to see which ones the audience enjoys and which they don't, because the AUs do not directly influence the story.

Overall, that means that the type of plot twists that are likely to happen are limited. This does not, however, mean that the potential to be interesting is lessened, because there are still a number of ways the main story could go down. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I hope the writers have a good ending in mind. Because there is a lot of potential in the threads that they have given us, and rather than continuing on for years with the general pattern of "culprit of the episode", I want to believe that the main, overarching plot they are promising is going to be satisfying, or at least carefully thought out.

There is so much potential here, and I wouldn't be rambling on this much otherwise. Even if the status quo never shifts drastically, I'd be happy with a good story. Maybe that's all I want from the main plot.

[thorin-baby-bear]

Hey! So whenever you can, is it possible if you can write maybe some Cg!Neil Perry and Little!Todd Anderson headcanons. Completely fine if you can't! Your the only person I can find who's making dps Agere content and it is currently helping my au where literally nothing bad happens after the play so thanks for that😌💜. Alright that's all, have a great day💜

Ya'll are actually blessing me with these asks 😭

CG!Neil and Little!Todd headcannons:

Firstly, these two care about each other so much

And after a few weeks at Welton, Todd finds himself trusting Neil almost completely

Neil finds out about Todd's regression after a particularly stressful day when he can't hold it in any more and ends up regressed in their dorm having a little bit of a meltdown

Having some experience with Charlie regressing helped, and Neil was able to get Todd a bit calmer and try to make his regression more happy than sad

After that night the two had a discussion, and Todd asked Neil to be his cg :)))

Neil:

Neil has a very gentle but firm style of caregiving

Lots of hugs and cuddles, lots of protective arms around the shoulder or on the back

Also lots of stories, he loves to read and act out stories with Todd, especially fairy tales

His stories are always certain to get a few giggles or gasps of surprise out of his little guy

Big on petnames

Stardust, Sunshine, Baby Boy ,Little Poet, and Honey" are his favorites to use

He also tries to get Todd out of his comfort zone more gently when he's little

A lot more gentle coaxing and words of encouragement, he always asks before reading Todd's poetry or stories because he knows how sensitive he is

Sometimes Todd will make a little scene for him to act out and he is more than happy to oblige

He is also very good at just being there for Todd when he's had a rough day and needs someone to hold him or rock him to sleep

Anything for his little one

Todd:

Veeeery sensitve

Even more sensitive than when he's big

Hides behind Neil a lot

Doesn't have much in the way of little gear, but he does have a paci, a bottle, and a set of stuffed dragons he keeps in his trunk that Neil gave him

When he feels up to it he'll invite the other Poets to play dragons with him

Making up stories is a must

He spends most of his regressed time either in his dorm or at the cave with the other Poets

Very clingy

Hangs onto Neil like a baby panda when he's little

Neil needs to do homework?

"Otay, I can help!" *Proceeds to sit on Neil's lap and doodle for the next hour*

Really dislikes being around big groups when he's little, so the common room and dining hall are no goes

Charlie usually helps Neil sneak him some food if he can't make it down

Absolutely despises science and math when little

Cuddles after a long day? A must

Sleepily babbling as Neil tries to tell him a story? Always

Neil? Always by his side

I hope you enjoyed, and thank you lots for the request 💜💜💜

[iamthecomet]

there’s so fuckig much to neil’s character that i just see in me, and my mom acts just like his dad but in a modern version of it and the ironic thing is that last year i got so fucking close to ending it for similar reasons to him (i didn’t and i’m very happy for that because if i did i wouldn’t have met all of you guys and that’s not something i can imagine <3)

i also wanted to be an actor, but “i’ve got so much more potential and opportunities than that” and pretty much all my life i’ve done everything to please my mother, not me. Plus i tend to act a lot like him in general and oh god i relate so fucking much it’d take too long to explain just how much i do

-🪱

It is really really hard to have parents who want you to be something that you can't be. That put undue pressure on you to conform to whatever vision they had for their child when they decided to have them. Please know, that you can do, and be, whoever you want to be whether they support it or not. YOU are the one who gets to live your life--not them. You are obligated to do what makes you happy, fuck EVERYONE else. I am so so so glad you're still here, thank you for being here. I am SO glad I have the privilege of knowing you, it means the world to me. I haven't known you long, but I already know I don't want to imagine my life without you in it. And I am PROUD of you for getting here, for being here. It can be so fucking hard. You've got a community now. One that will literally fight anyone who looks at you wrong, or says something even slightly shitty. We've GOT you. <3

[howdoyoudorevue]

This week, we're still riding high from the Bros. Landreth concert in Churchill last week. And the month of August still has some live music in store for us up north, so we previewed that fun. There's also (obviously) some great shows happening all summer long in Winnipeg, and we previewed that, too! We also got a listen to Sean Burns' newly released single from his brand new album "Lost Country" which is due this fall. Plus our pal Neil Mumby is traversing the island of Newfoundland, and wanted a special request. We were more than happy to oblige! Hope you're enjoying your summer. Only 4 weeks to go!

~joe

HERE'S WHAT YOU HEARD TODAY!

VINCE GUARALDI - Peppermint Patty (Show Theme)

DESIREE DORION - Unlove You That’s How I Know, 2023

BROS. LANDRETH - Don’t Feel Like Crying (feat. Leith Ross) Come Morning, 2022

JOEL PLASKETT EMERGENCY - True Patriot Love Down At The Khyber, 2001

SEAN BURNS - Destroy Me Single, 2023

GOOSE CREEK SYMPHONY - Words Of Earnest Words Of Earnest, 1972

KRISTI LANE SINCLAIR - Super Blood Wolf Moon Super Blood Wolf Moon, 2023

JAYWOOD - Some Days Some Days, 2021

AMOS THE KID - Under Thin Eyelids Enough as it Was, 2023

BOOTER - Island Vibes 10/10, 2022

WASHBOARD HANK AND THE COUNTRY SQUIRES - Marmora Pig Hoorah For Washboard Hank, 2003

SHANNEYGANOCK - The Dundee Cat Live at O’Reilly’s, Vol. 1, 2000

SPIRIT OF THE WEST - And If Venice Is Sinking Faithlift, 1993

VINCE COLLINS - Smash The Window/Geese In The Bog/Mike Bennett’s Tune/Dirty Dirt Out Lifting Out The Stove, 2003

This Week's Episode On... Apple Podcasts Spotify Podcasts Google Podcasts Podbean iHeartRadio TuneIn Radio

This Week's Playlist On... Spinitron

[neil-gaiman]

Dear Neil.

There's a tragedy happening in Iran, we're being shot in the streets, my brothers and sisters are dying, my government is committing war crimes and as a fellow human being I'm desperately asking for your help to raise awareness.

Mahsa Amini was a 22-year-old woman who was brutally murdered by the Islamic Republic of Iran's so-called "morality police." Her crime? Showing hair in public and "dressing inappropriately." Any human being with a pair of working eyes who has seen pictures of her prior to her murder can see that not only was her dress not inappropriate, but also that she (and a lot of women in Iran) had covered herself more than any other woman in any other part of world is obligated to.This sparked fury among the people of Iran and a wave of nation-wide protests broke out as the result. But don't get it wrong. This was only the straw that broke the camel's back and was the result of 43 years of unmitigated oppression and cruelty that the people of Iran have been subjected to. Every Iranian is branded a Muslim from birth and they're not given a choice. You cannot identify as an atheist and other religious minorities are treated horribly with a lot of their rights stripped from them. There's been a long history of cruelty against Bahai people in Iran, for example. We're not forced to be muslims in name only. We're also forced to act like muslims and learn all the muslim teachings, hijab being one of the many ideals shoved down our throat. And of course, converting from Islam to other religions or no religion is punishable by death. This savagery is not part of our culture or law; it is not part of any humanitarian law to kill women for showing hair and exercising their right to bodily autonomy for that matter.Up until now, the government forces have been violent and ruthless in their attempts to stump out our protests. They've shot people from a 63 year old woman to a 10 year old girl, killing them all without mercy. The Internet has been cut out in several places and reportedly, they've brought out tanks and used military-grade bullets in the city of Sanandaj, where the Internet has been shut down for two days as of September 21. Meanwhile, president Ibrahim Raisi is giving a lecture in the UN, babbling about saving the people of Palestine and justice in the world while his own forces are brutally murdering ordinary people and protesters in Iran.At this point, we're in danger of being cut off from the world when the whole internet finally shuts down. This is not a speculation. The same thing happened in the nation-wide protests of 2019 and the government proceeded to kill all the protesters in absolute radio silence. A lot of protesters were found with cement blocks tied to their ankles and thrown in the river after the successfully stumped the protests out. We don't want the same thing to happen to our children and people again. If you hear no more news from Iran, things haven't settled down. We are being silently killed off and executed.You might think you don't have anything to do with this, but think again about why you all involved yourselves in the war between Ukraine and Russia. This is not any different. Our people have waged a war against their government and none of them are people who willingly chose violence. They are normal people who want nothing more than a normal life, which is what the Islamic regime has taken from them. If you have an ounce of humanity and empathy within yourself, you'll spread the word around and not let this injustice go unanswered and unpunished.There's nothing more to be said.

As an Iranian woman who always read your books and who always raised up her voice, I need help now. We can Breathe anymore! I fought for poc, I raised my voice for ukraine. Now I need yours. I'm a young author. I can have a future... a free one! but my government took it from me. Please be my voice ... our voice!!

I'm happy to let people know, yes. And it's heartbreaking.

Here's the BBC on what's happening:

[the-movie-ends-after-midsummer]

Charlie and Neil’s Friendship, pt. 2

“Dammit Neil. The name is Nuwanda.”

At this point in the movie, we’ve seen their relationship. We know that these two have an inseparable bond. They have a mutual understanding of each other. Neil is conflicted, though. Part of him knows how much Charlie is the type to say “screw you” to authority figures, but he also knows how harsh Nolan can be. I think part of him was worried that he would cave in, the way Neil always had when it came to his father.

I think this frame shows a big part of their relationship; Charlie is the person Neil always wants to be. Where Charlie is chaotic and carefree, Neil is careful and much less than chaotic.

In this scene, Charlie is telling the rest of the boys what Nolan did. Neil is sitting on the chair backwards (because he doesn’t know how to sit straight). As the scene goes on and we see Neil’s face, we see that his is quite possibly the most animated out of everyone. He’s comfortable here, he’s happy, and he’s listening to his best friend tell this story like it’s nothing.

Charlie may not know anything about theater, but he knows that his best friend is living out his dream. He’s known Neil for years; there’s no way he doesn’t know about Neil’s dream of acting. In this moment, he is filled with overwhelming pride. He doesn’t care if it’s not proper theater etiquette. He’s proud of Neil, and he wants the whole world to know that.

Charlie is shocked. He just watched Neil defy his father and pursue his dreams; they all did. Yet, here’s Neil, following his father once again like the play never happened.

This is the one part that always gets me. Because, out of all the Poets to tell Todd, it’s Charlie. When the camera flips to show Meeks, Pitts, and Knox, they don’t have tear tracks down the side of their faces. It also makes sense that he’s the one to tell Todd, because besides Todd, Charlie’s the closest to Neil. This is also one of the first times we see Charlie show emotions so strong. Sure, he was teary-eyed after Nolan, but that was more likely to be a physical reflex than anything else. This is true, raw emotion. He likely had a mental breakdown when he found out, and insisted on being the person to tell Todd.

He’s in denial. He’s in pain. As much as he wants it to be anyone else, he knows that it’s Neil they’re grieving. He knows that, if it was anyone else, Neil would be right there beside him. In his mind, he’s already shown too much emotion, so he shuts down instead of feeling his feelings. He shuts down because he feels obligated to be the strong one out of the group, especially since Neil died. He knows that, if he starts crying, he’s not going to be able to stop.

This is obviously pure anger. But, he’s not just angry at Cameron. He’s angry at himself. I should have stopped Mr. Perry that day. I should have gotten Neil away from his dad long before any of this. I should have-

In his mind, it’s all his fault. When he says “I’m out anyway,” he knows that Nolan is going to try and find someone to blame Neil’s death, so he’s volunteering himself as scapegoat. He doesn’t want anyone else to take the fall, so he’s placing himself on the chopping block.

He’s mad at Cameron because he’s terrified that Cameron is going to break up the group. He’s terrified that his best friends, his family are going to get blamed for something he feels responsible for.

When he finds out that they’re trying to blame Keating instead of the boys, Charlie’s anger grows, and he becomes angry at the administration.

[thearoacewriter]

the foxes on a party, Neil got drunk A LOT and started dancing, others were surprised but most(I don’t know what Andrew and Kevin would do😟) of them joined him

I tried writing this a million times, but brain broke and I hated it each time akjfajsfh so I hope you don’t mind that I’m making this an hc

Even after the foxes find out everything about Neil, he’s still pretty hesitant to drink. Old habits die hard and he doesn’t really see the point in it. He’ll have a shot or two to make them happy (because we all know Neil is a big softie when it comes to the foxes) but that’s about it

One night, he decides to let loose a little. He’s only ever really been “drunk” when he was using it as an anesthetic on the run, but he wants to see what it’s like in a safe setting with his friend and Andrew at his back. Though, at least for the beginning of the night, he stays away from Andrew. He doesn’t know how the drinks will affect him and he doesn’t want to touch Andrew without his permission, even if it would be an accident

Andrew, of course, knows what Neil is doing and rolls his eyes, making his way to his boyfriend. He holds out a hand and Neil whispers out a tentative “are you sure?” Andrew nods and doesn’t pull away, so they hold hands for the rest of the night.

After that night, he drinks more leniently with his friends. Though he still doesn’t see any point in it, he doesn’t see any harm in it either. It makes him feel more dizzy than drunk anyway, so he puts trust in himself that he can control his actions.

The one thing Neil never did was dance. Countless times, the foxes have tried to pull him to the dance floor but he would refuse every single time. He didn’t see how moving around in a crowd of wriggling bodies could be any fun. Besides, that meant he’d have to leave Andrew behind, and that wasn’t something he wanted to do.

However, there was a first time for everything. Neil didn’t exactly know what made him get up and join Renee and Allison on the dance floor. Maybe it was the fact that he felt restless. Maybe it was the fact that they were in the safety of the Foxes and Vixens, and not the stranger filled Eden’s. Maybe it was simply the fact that Renee and Allison looked like they were having fun. Whatever it was, Neil got up and walked over to them.

Allison looked shocked, but Renee just smiled. “I don’t really know what I’m doing,” Neil said. The shock on Allison’s face was replaced with amusement and exasperation. She laughed and held out her hands. “I’ll teach ya, kid.”

And so Neil danced. First with Allison pulling his arms here and there, and then on his own, Renee and Allison jumping around him. Eventually, they were joined by Dan, who gave Neil a bright smile, and Matt, who ruffled up Neil’s hair.

Nicky was the last to join, as he was in the bathroom when it happened. “Neil’s dancing with us and you guys didn’t immediately come get me? Some friends you are,” he said with no malice or upset in his voice. He jumped into the mix, dancing like he’s been doing it for hours already.

And Neil had fun.

He didn’t know what he expected to get out of it, but he felt a small thrum through his chest as he moved around. He knew he probably looked ridiculous, but he didn’t care. He never thought he’d have a life like this, but there he was, surrounded by his friends, his family. The only thing that could make that moment better was…

He felt a tap on his shoulder. When he turned around, he saw the familiar mussed up blonde hair. He didn’t bother hiding the full force of his smile. Neil looked behind the shorter man to the table where Kevin sat alone. He didn’t exactly know where Aaron was, but that didn’t matter. Not when Andrew was right in front of him.

Andrew held out his hands. “Are you sure this is okay?” Neil asked. “There’s a lot of people and not a lot of space.” “I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t want to.”

But Neil dragged them to a more secluded area anyway. They could still hear the music, still see their friends, but there was no risk of Andrew accidentally getting touched. Andrew rolled his eyes and whispered “156%”. Neil laughed quietly and moved Andrew’s arms around a bit, the way Allison did to him earlier.

“I’ve never seen you dance before,” Neil said.

Andrew shrugged. “I’ve never seen the point in it.”

“What changed your mind?”

Andrew was quiet for a moment before answering, “You.”

Neil looked at him like he’d hung the moon.

Andrew rolled his eyes again, but didn’t say anything. He drew Neil in closer, leaving him plenty of room to get away if he wanted to. Neil didn’t, obviously. He let Andrew pull him in until their foreheads were touching. Normally, they weren’t big fans of pda, but they were in a secluded enough space that no one paid them any mind or even noticed that they were there.

Despite the fast pace of the song, they swayed around slowly for a moment, Neil’s arms around Andrew’s shoulders, Andrew’s hands on Neil’s waist. It was nice. Neil could probably fall asleep if he wanted to.

But he didn’t. He wanted to ingrain that moment into his brain. He was jealous of Andrew’s eidetic memory, wishing he could see this memory frame by frame on his mind whenever he wanted to, Then, he thought that he could ask Andrew to describe it to him. The thought made him smile.

“Hey, Andrew?”

Andrew hummed in acknowledgement. Neil pulled back so he could look into those eyes that he liked so much. Neil grinned, ever so slightly.

Maybe it was the atmosphere that made Neil say what he said next. Maybe it was the fact that Dan and Matt were cooing at each other in a corner. Maybe it was Allison and Renee standing in the middle of the dance floor in a fierce embrace. Maybe it was just the fact that Neil couldn’t keep the words in any longer. It had been almost four years after all.

“I love you.”

Andrew pulled away from Neil completely. “You’re drunk.”

“I’m not. I’ve only had soda tonight.”

Andrew blinked at him.

“You didn’t notice?”

Andrew didn’t answer. He looked to the Foxes, then back to Neil. Finally he held out his hand. Once Neil took it, Andrew pulled them out of the basement study room and out into the cool night. He turned on Neil as soon as they were away from prying ears.

“What are you doing?”

Neil scrunched his eyebrows up in confusion. “Following you?”

“No. Why did you say… what you said?”

Neil was more confused than ever. “Because I love you?”

“And you meant it?” Andrew asked quietly.

Neil softened. “Yeah, Drew. Of course, I meant it. I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t.”

Andrew nodded, but kept quiet.

“And you don’t have to say it back,” Neil continued, wanting to make his intentions clear. “You probably already know that, but I just wanted to clarify that I didn’t tell you because I expected anything back from you. You’ve always been more of a ‘actions speak louder than words’ type of guy.”

Andrew nodded again. He looked like he was contemplating something, tilting his head the slightest bit. “Yes or no?”

“It’s always a yes with you.”

Andrew bunched a hand up in the front of Neil’s hoodie and pulled him closer, placing a soft kiss to his lips. It didn’t last long. Once they broke apart, Andrew attached himself to Neil, arms wrapping around Neil’s midsection.

Neil kept his arms up, not entirely sure what to do. They’d never hugged like this before. Neil didn’t know what was allowed.

“You can touch my back,” Andrew said, words muffled by the fabric of Neil’s hoodie. Neil obliged. He hugged Andrew back, burying his face in Andrew’s hair. He’d been using Neil’s shampoo recently. Neil smothered his grin, but he couldn’t smother the giddiness from bubbling up inside him.

And then, as quiet as a hummingbird sipping from a flower, Andrew spoke.

“I love you too.”

[darlingbudsofrae]

Nicky Hemmick Appreciation Post

Foxes Appreciation Series : 1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 || 8 || 9 || 10 ||

It’s time for Nicky Hemmick appreciation hours!

I think out of the foxes, I really don’t like the way Nora developed, or lack thereof, Nicky’s character.

He was one of the few POC/LGBTQIAP+ characters in the books and the way he was written just wasn’t it, y’know?

I think out of all the changes we could have, I wish Nora developed him better because his character could’ve gone to so many potentials. 

But let’s get with what we have-

First off, I just want to say I appreciate Nicky’s relationship with Erik so much.

They’re adorable. 

Now, let’s get to the sad and dark stuff-

Nicky’s past is one of the most messed-up backstories I’ve ever read in my entire life. And I read a LOT of sad books.

Dude literally went to a gay conversion camp (the fact that this shit exists is proof that hell is just a place on earth) for a year and had to repress his sexuality his entire life because his parents were homophobic shitholes.

Repressing his sexuality also led to depression. He had freaking suicidal thoughts and he took the first way out of his problems and saved himself by taking the first chance to leave, aka Germany.

I’m not sure if anyone remembers but to get to that- he had to pretend he was something he was not. He had to play the “perfect son” role because he couldn’t afford to be himself in a place where his existence was deemed wrong.

Also, the fact that he had the capacity to do this- to maintain that role until that Germany ticket landed in his hands while combatting suicidal and other morbid thoughts-

Kid, that sucks. Nicky Hemmick needs a hug.

Also, taking note of this fact makes me appreciate his reactions towards his teammates’ tragedies more.

Like at first I was constantly surprised because I thought it’s such an overreaction to feel sad and almost cry as a reflex to other’s misfortunes (lowkey exposing myself here) 

But to realize he went through such a traumatic experience and can still empathize + sympathize deeply with his teammates-

it just makes me really appreciate that aspect of him- to be able to still be that person and have that sense of humanity despite of the horrific things he went though, that’s amazing.

Let’s talk about the fact that Nicky could’ve just live his entire life in Germany with the love of his life and cut off entirely his connections with his family because he had every right to detoxify his life and live happily for himself.

Nicky was about 19-20ish when he learned that Tilda had died and how he reacted to this by going back because he doesn’t want the twins to be raised by the same people who gave him hell- because he knows the twins deserves better- that’s incredible.

He had absolutely no obligation to, he wasn’t even that old to have that responsibility but he took it.

He came back and fought for the rights to become a guardian for the twins (against his own parents), like that takes so much time and effort and the fact that he did it at like a considerably young age is just so mind-blowing.

I’m not going to act like he’s the best guardian. But let’s not discredit where credit is due.

Despite everything- he gave Aaron and Andrew a home. Provided a roof over their heads, helped them at school (he taught them to speak German), worked jobs to provide for their basic necessities, and assuming Andrew spent all that insurance money on the car, someone has to be working to pay the tuition and bills, right?

And that someone was Nicky. 

(He also got Andrew and Aaron gigs at where he worked at).

Like no one talks about this enough but Nicky lowkey raised the twins. Like, he actually raised the twins.

There is not enough words in this world to describe how overwhelming and amazing that is. 

He had no obligation whatsoever to these two who probably gave him a hard time because as much as I love the Twinyards- they were assholes (I mean they were kind of mean to him for crying out loud, and that’s just on the books- imagine how much more he got back when the twins were probably so distrustful of him) and really, they weren’t Nicky’s obligation because most people forget that Nicky wasn’t that old. 

He was pretty young too. 

And by going back, he’s associating himself with the things that lowkey broke him but he still went and stayed anyway even when he could’ve easily just be happy and cut it all off because despite of everything, he wanted to provide the twins with an at least better option than his horrible parents.

He wanted the twins to have a good life- literally wished for them to heal and be okay and succeed and that amount of love- it’s just amazing. Like, I said that a lot by now but it’s just really amazing.

Nicky Hemmick is amazing.

He was also supposedly only going to stay until the twins finished high school but then Coach Wymack happened and with Erik’s support and his hopes of the twins being happy, he stayed.

I’m not sure about Nicky’s exy abilities, I think he got scolded a lot by Kevin but I like to think that he wasn’t that bad. I really wish we got more exy contents, that one time I got invested in a sport and there wasn’t even a lot of it. 

I also like to believe that he’s more mature than he lets on. Like, he actually knows all that adulting shit.

Also, when Neil noticed that Nicky is just playing his energy levels up to compensate for the Twinyards’ walls because despite everything, he wants to be friends with everyone but can’t because he’s with the monsters and that honestly sucks.

But it’s also commendable that he really tries. 

Ignoring the Eden incident aside, he was actually really great to Neil.

Like, he’s one of the few in the foxes that was friendly to him at the start. 

He also taught him a lot of things (like social cues and all) and did whatever he can to help him.

He’s actually a pretty good friend. 

Also, I lowkey feel for him that despite everything, he still wanted his parents’ validation and approval.

I saw a decent amount of people hate Nicky for this because it was what led to the thanksgiving incident, but I just find it sad.

Because at the end of the day, Nicky was just a son who loved his parents even if they couldn’t love everything he was and the things he stands for, and it’s just sad because even if it was kind of obvious, he just wanted to believe that everything could still mend.

He still wanted to be accepted by them.

Some people don’t deserve to have kids.

But when he realized that it wasn’t going to happen and this brought harm to the twins, he was very apologetic over it and guilty even if it wasn’t his fault, and he chose the twins.

He will always choose the twins. 

"It's about family. Not necessarily the one we were born with, but the one we choose. This one. The people we trust to be part of our lives. The people we care about."

Overall, it’s just really amazing that despite everything, he can look for the positive and enjoy life even if it’s really shitty.

Just ✨Nicholas Esteban Hemmick✨ dude.

[hargrove-mayfields]

The first summer after the incident at Starcourt, things have finally had enough time to slowly ease back into normalcy.

The day after school lets out, the kids talk Steve into letting them come swim in his pool. It’s only for a couple of hours, and honestly, it does them all some good, the kids getting to pretend things are okay for a while, and Steve getting to soothe that worry that crept in every time he didn’t have an eye on all of them, so despite the guilt they all certainly felt for having fun, they let themselves enjoy it, for a little while at least.

The gimmick of what made summer fun ran out pretty quickly for them though, so once they’d all gotten sunburnt shoulders and had tangles in their hair and wrinkles on their fingers from the chlorinated water, they decided it was time to go home. They weren’t up for the arcade or ice cream after the pool like they used to be either, but they had had just under a year now to decide they were okay with that.

So Steve loads them all up into his new Mercedes-Benz, the replacement for the BMW that became necessary post battle when they discovered his car had been crushed at some point during that night by the Mind Flayer, and took them all home.

Max’s house was the last on his route no matter which way he went, the only member of the party who lived on the outskirts of the wealthy part of town now that the Byers’ had moved, so it’s just the two of them in the car. As they pull up outside though, she hesitates to get out, instead nervously picking at the stitches in the seat, mulling over something in her head.

They aren’t really close, no bond between them beyond babysitter and grumpy teenager not happy to have one, but Steve feels an obligation towards all of these kids, so he shifts in the seat so he’s facing her, and asks her in a way he hoped sounds approachable, “What’s up, Max?”

Max takes another second and a deep breath before speaking, wringing her hands nervously, “Billy’s birthday is in a few days and I don’t think anybody knows that, but I want to do something for him.”

Steve nods, doesn’t really know what he’s supposed to do at first, “Have you talked to your mom about this?”

He asks because word traveled fast in a small town like Hawkins. Everyone and their mother knew that Neil Hargrove had split before they’d even stabilized his son in the hospital, and his wife had stayed with their children, taking full responsibility for Billy and Max. If anyone should be having a party for Billy, it should be Susan.

“Yeah and she liked the idea, but she’s been really busy with work and stuff, double now with Billy’s medical bills, and I know a lot of the other parents are too and some of them I just don’t know well enough to ask, and I don’t know who else to turn to because normally I’d take this stuff to Billy and I can’t do it by myself.” Max rambles all in one breath, has clearly been thinking about this for a long time.

Steve obviously wants to encourage that, so he asks, “What did you wanna do for him?”

“I just wanted to have a party for him at the hospital, but I know that’s kinda dumb since nobody goes to see him anyways.” Max mumbles, wrapping her fingers around the door handle like she’s going to get out, “I don’t know, it’s stupid.”

“No it’s not. What day is it, his birthday?”

“The sixth. I know that’s kinda short notice but-“ Max starts again, but Steve interrupts, a small smile on his face as if to prove he’s genuine, “No, it’s fine. We’ll figure something out. We’re not going to let Billy be alone on his birthday.”

It doesn’t seem to have the effect Steve wanted though, because Max scoffs and pushes the car door open, snapping before she gets out, “You do every other day.”

Even though Max had been so short with him at first, after that, she and Steve work on a plan at the end of every day when he was driving her back home, Max slowly evolving from tense about even bringing it up to actually excited for this thing they were working on together for her brother.

Steve doesn’t really have the time or the know-how for home made anything, but he buys everything you typically would find at an under twenty one birthday party, balloons and streamers, a chocolate cake, per Max’s request, and a tub of Superman ice cream, also a suggestion from Max.

He doesn’t buy Billy a present, he figures he doesn’t have use for much for anything material in the hospital, and although he’s willing to help, he feels he still doesn’t really know Billy like that anymore.

Or maybe he does, he just doesn’t know if the friendship they had been reluctantly developing would withstand the strain the accident at Starcourt had put on it, and didn’t feel it was very appropriate just to show up with an expensive knick knack that would just rub his wealth in Billy’s face.

Instead, he gets him a card, because who doesn’t want a birthday card, and leaves a hundred dollars and a heartfelt note in it. The money is because he has it and Billy needs it more than he does, and a hundred dollars was standard for milestone birthdays, in his family at least, and since Billy was lucky to see his nineteenth come around, he figures this counted.

So on the sixth of June, they’re ready to celebrate Billy.

Steve drives the kids all to the hospital that day, surprised that even without El around right now to convince them to, they were all willing to come. He guesses they’d all seen how torn up Max was when Billy was admitted to the hospital, and now that eleven months later he still hadn’t got out, it was bound to be hard on her.

It wasn’t a surprise anymore, Max had let it slip to Billy a few days beforehand in her excitement, so they just went straight up to his room, each kid and Steve carrying something, decorations or food or presents.

At first, Billy doesn’t really seem to thrilled to see them, but Steve supposed he wouldn’t be either, it couldn’t be any fun aging in the hospital, especially surrounded by nobody but your little sisters friends.

But they still set it all up for him, tying balloons to his bed and hanging streamers above the door. Max sits with him and keeps him entertained with stories, but what makes his mood significantly improve is when a nurse interrupted them to give him another dose of his pain meds.

Once they’re all set up, it’s Lucas who points out, “We forgot the candles for the cake.”

And it’s Max who, without really thinking about it, reminds him, “We probably have some with all the decorations and stuff we bought.”

It’s Dustin who looks and finds a pack of candles that someone indeed had brought, and calls out, “Found some.”

But it’s Steve who is seemingly the only one able to remember that the birthday boy was still on oxygen after a lung transplant and didn’t think he needed to be blowing out any candles, reminding Dustin very pointedly, “Actually, Dustin, I don’t think we need any candles.

Of course he argues, because kids do, “C'mon Steve, it's a birthday cake. All birthday cakes have candles.”

“Yeah, but I said I don’t think this one needs any.” Steve says, through his teeth this time, nodding subtly towards Billy, and Dustin's eyes widen a little, and the candles get put back without another word about it.

Instead, Steve gives Billy the zippo from his pocket, flipping it open for him so a tiny flame dances in front of his face, “Make a wish, Hargrove.”

Billy takes the lighter, a little apprehensively, but he stays quiet, looking up at Steve as he presumably makes his wish to himself, then clicks it shut, extinguishing the flame.

Ever impatient, the kids decide that’s their cue to cut into the cake without really asking anybody, but Steve doesn’t stop them, because as Billy reminds Max when she sits down on his bedside with a piece, “I can’t really eat that right now, kiddo, but thank you.”

She blows him off, teasingly uncaring in that sibling way, “Oh, I know, that’s why I picked chocolate cake, ‘cause I know you don’t like it. I just wanted you to have one, so it felt like a real birthday.”

Billy smiles wide, holds his arms out the best he can anymore for a hug, “Aww, come ��ere, shitbird.”

Max spends the rest of their little impromptu party at his bedside, talking to her friends but sitting with her brother, the both of them chasing that sense of normalcy that everyone else had been able to move on and achieve, but they had no chance at grasping so long as they were apart.

That is at least, until to keep himself busy while the kids argue about something, Billy reads his card from Steve, that long written out note that detailed all his feelings and regrets and thoughts about Billy that he had been grappling with since Billy was hospitalized, sorrys and thank yous and happy birthday, everything crammed into that card but the part about how Steve had been falling in love with Billy since they met in ‘84.

It makes Steve nervous, twitchy and vulnerable with Billy reads it, until he gently closes the card and looks up at Steve, eyes wide and a little teary.

The first thing he says is an unrelated question, ruffling his little sisters hair and asking her, “Maxi, can you go down to the vending machine at the end of the hall and grab me some stuff? I’m running out of candy to hide in the bedside drawer.”

Max nods and slides down from his bed, and Billy adds, “Take all your friends too. See if they want anything.”

He waits until all the kids are gone, their voices echoing distantly down the long hallway, to ask Steve, “D’you do all this for me, Harrington?”

Steve shrugs, not sure if he’s more humble or nervous about why Billy wanted to talk to him alone, “It was Max’s idea.”

“But you still organized it, right?”

“I guess. I don’t want a thank you or anything though.” Steve insists, but Billy smiles, a bright one like Steve hardly ever saw anymore, and insists right back “Too bad, you’re getting one. Thank you.”

Steve just shrugs again, “It’s your birthday, Hargrove. I wasn’t going to let you be forgotten.”

“I would’ve been okay, Steve. Birthdays were just… never really a thing in my family anyways.”

Steve can tell they were going to go back and forth all day, arguing over whether or not he should be celebrated, and if he needed someone by his side, if he doesnt change the subject, so he asks him, “What’d you wish for?”

“Can’t tell you that or it won’t come true.” Billy hums, thoughtful, and he says, sounding like his sister, “And it’s sort of dumb anyways.”

“Hey, I’m sure it’s not dumb. If it’s something you want, it can’t be.”

Billy looks up at him, a little smile on his face, and explains, “I don’t know it’s just, I’m going to be sick for the rest of my life, I’m stuck in the hospital for another month at least and my dad disowned me, but, my wish still wasn’t for any of that to change.”

“What was it then?”

Billy takes a deep breath, a noticeable flush to his face, “I wished that I would have the guts to finally do this.”

For a second Steve wonders what he’s talking about, worries briefly that he was going to use the distraction and the relaxed attention from the nurses on his birthday to make grand escape from the hospital or something, until Billy leans up and kisses him.

It’s chaste and it’s sweet, everything that he’d expect from anybody that wasn’t Billy Hargrove, and everything that Steve could ever have wanted. He sits down on the bed beside Billy to make the angle easier on the both of them, not breaking the kiss for even a second, bringing his hand up to cup Billy's cheek, and deepening the kiss.

They’re interrupted by the squeaking of tennis shoes on the waxy hospital floors in the hallway, the kids coming back already, so Steve pulls away, just as flushed as Billy was now and keeping one of his hands resting on top of Billy’s, “Happy birthday, Billy.”

[green-eyes-and-classic-rock]

i was tagged by @thetiredstuff!! Yay so happy to be back on here

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to get to know better.

name: katie

star sign: sagittarius 

height: 5′5′’

time: it is 6:57 PM

birthday: in november

favourite bands/artists: i’m an indie bitch and I love arcade fire but just their old stuff (wow that sounds so annoying) i also like hozier, taylor swift (evermore babyyyyy) and any other random music I like. I like classic rock a lot though too so Led Zeppelin, Neil Young, etc. 

last movie: i just watched this french cannibalism movie called Raw. Truly gross

last show: right now i’m watching the wire but it’s hard to get into

when did i create this blog: oh boy I don’t even know. I had a spn blog in high school then accidentally deleted it in college...then I think I made this one in 2018. 

what I post: supernatural stuff mostly and maybe some other random funny things, random other shows I like. But mostly spn

last thing i googled: art jobs lol

other blogs: I think I still have a private personal one that’s just a diary lol i don’t really use it anymore

do I get asks: i think so??? I wish I got more! Send me asks!

following: 1,253....I really gotta cut that down

average hours of sleep: 6-8 hours idk

instruments: I’ve been playing guitar since high school but in these past two years I think i’ve really improved. Trying to also play piano now too but i’m pretty bad at it lol

what im wearing: ACDC shirt and black sweatpants

dream job: anything than what I am doing right now lol....actually something where I can do art and be creative. I also really want to be in nature. 

dream trip: i’d say going back to Rwanda and then stopping in Cairo to see the pyramids. Or going to Japan

nationality: USA

last book i’ve read: Shatter Me by Tahereh Mafi

currently reading: Dark Places by Gillian Flynn

top 3 fictional universes i’d like to live in: hmmmmmm um seconding @thetiredstuff I’d love to be in percy jackson, also harry potter even though I’m really not a fan of it at all it would just be cool to use magic, okay and listen i would really love to be in the tinkerbell fictional universe okay hear me out I would love to be a tinker fairy or like a garden fairy if you know what I’m talking about I love you 

Okay tagging: 

@virginbutstillahoe @demoncat131 and anyone else I’m sorry I just got back to tumblr i don’t know anyone lol but if you see this post please feel free to do it and tag me!

[thenightling]

The Dreaming: Waking Hours Issue 12

Okay, let’s dive into this.  Today I just finished reading the final issue of The Dreaming: Waking Hours.  I’m still not particularly happy with how the comic handled “true names.”  I feel it would have been more respectful and empowering toward trans people to have Heather BE her true name instead of having her stop the Unseelie from saying her dead name (implying it would still count as a true name).  I know she said there’s no such thing as a true name but I think for a lot of people (trans, or just those that never liked their birth names and picked a different one later in life) it would be better to know that the name you most heavily associate with yourself IS your true name.

Batman Beyond actually handled this a little better in having Bruce Wayne reveal that Bruce is NOT the name he calls himself in his own mind, making it clear that for him, Batman IS is true name, even after he retired and passed the mantle to Terry.

The 1985 Fright Night also handled this with the has-been horror actor Peter Vincent.  He went from saying “That isn’t even my real name.”  To “I AM Peter Vincent, the great vampire killer!”  We never learn what his supposed “real name” (Read: Birth name) was because it doesn’t matter.  He became the character- the hero he had always pretended (and wanted) to be.  Peter Vincent became his true name.  

But anyway, that was all in issue 11.  The True name part could have been handled a lot better and that was my biggest disappointment for this comic.

Ultimately the story had a happy ending for Ruin and Heather realized that Faerie probably wouldn’t embrace democracy (Thank God!).  Though the anti-monarchy rantings were a bit annoying.  Who were they toward?   What reader of The Dreaming is going “Hmm.  You know, America could really use an absolute monarchy right now.”?

Nevertheless Heather remains my favorite trans character... No, correct that.  She remains my favorite original character in ANY Sandman spin-off, period. She’s well-developed, flawed, yet likable. And she’s not a flat, or boring, self-insert.  She’s actually a good character.      

I wasn’t too surprised that Daniel was portrayed as a bit of an ass here but I was still disappointed.  It seems the only writer who doesn’t make Daniel a complete ass is Neil Gaiman, himself.   I said it before and I’ll say it again . I think some authors must resent him because they’d rather be writing Morpheus but they don’t dare ask if they can out-right bring him back in the contemporary setting. 

Also Daniel’s reasoning doesn’t make sense.  Faerie and the Heavenly hosts weren’t angry because Ruin wanted to be with the man he loved. That was happenstantial.  And Heather told him that Jophiel helping Ruin find his love is what enabled him to ascend back to Heaven.  Jophiel had ot understand and learn the importance of love. That was good.  That was sweet.   

The only explanation I can give for Daniel’s behavior here is jealousy.  Daniel came off as jealous and resentful that his own romance in Simon Spurrier’s (Hiss) version of The Dreaming (which is sadly still canon...) didn’t work out.  And he did not expect Ruin to succeed so when he did find his true love Daniel got jealous and spiteful.  That might not be what G. Willow Wilson intended but that’s how it came off.  “If I can’t have love with a mortal, no one can!”   

(Aw, look!  Daniel’s first “You dare!”)

I do kind of like Heather threatening Daniel with the spell that was used to summon and trap Morpheus though.   There is the flaw that Neil Gaiman did repeatedly say that the spell would not if Morpheus had been at full strength.  First, the spell was never really intended for him (or Unseelie for that matter but she used it on the Unseelie too).  Second, it only worked on Morpheus the first time because he was so weakened after the events of The Sandman: Overture. 

For the sake of Daniel’s decently I’ll pretend he faked fear of the spell because he WANTED to be stopped.  He knew he was wrong to try to separate Ruin and his love but he felt obligated to try.  That sits better for me than Daniel legitimately just being an asshole and promising his family would go to war against Heather’s... again.   Umm... Daniel, your family never went to war with the Burgess family.  Morpheus cursed Alexander and you forgave him and that was that.  What war?!   

Ah, well.  At least Ruin got his happy ending.  But I don’t quite get why he needs to be mortal to have that ending.  That feels unnecessary to me.

Nevertheless, it was still a satisfying ending.  I just wish Daniel hadn’t been made a last minute antagonist just so if Heather turns up again later Dream can’t be an ally...  And I sense that was the intention.  I like Heather but this part feels contrived. 

In general it was a satisfying ending though and there were parts I loved.  I love Heather. I liked the use of the spell even if it shouldn’t really work on Daniel.  I was happy Ruin got the one he loved.  I was very satisfied and happy with how Jophiel’s story ending, that he needed to learn the importance and value of love.  

I’m glad it wasn’t cynical bitterness there but actually a show of Heaven’s sense of value on love. I was a little worried this was yet-another story where Heaven and its Angels were ultimately going to be treated as heartless jerks and I was getting quite tired of that in adult comics.   This was a nice change.   I liked it more than I didn’t.  

And this is still the best version of The Dreaming to date.  It could have stood fine on its own without Simon Spurrier’s The Dreaming.  I would have probably liked it better if it wasn’t attached to that.   But I am still happy with the outcome.  Still the best Sandman spin-off to date.  And with the most likable protagonist (Heather) and Casper the Friendly Nightmare (Ruin).   

[mediocre--writing]

Billy reconnecting with his mother somehow, whether she hears about Starcourt, they get in touch through letters, or maybe even Neil’s funeral - your pick! You can also come up with a new scenario.

Maybe it’s before him and Steve are actually friends. They’re still a bit hostile but seeing Billy with his mother changes things, even if just a little.

steve wasn’t quite sure what to think.

all through his life, he’s been told by his parents that when someone dies, it is a time for reflection and sadness. you will move on eventually, but it can and will take time to adjust.

which is why he was so confused when, after hearing about the heart attack that killed neil hargrove, why max didn’t seem to be all that sad.

she was hanging around the boys the same as she always did, she didn’t seem all that affected by his disappearance from the world.

the only exception was how she was with billy.

she doesn’t yell at him when he comes early to pick her up or when he honks rather than coming up to knock on the door.

they’re not as tense.

come to think of it, steve doesn’t think he’s seen max’s shoulders slouch around billy until just this week.

but steve’s been picking max up the past few times, the hargroves finalizing the funeral plans and all.

but there was a new car parked on the street. it was the same blue color of billy’s camaro but it was an older, chunkier model, though it shined as if brand new.

steve honked for max twice, waited about five minutes total, then decided to just go knock.

he and billy had made “amends”—enough to be civil—and he was kind to susan and knew max had to be there (her bike was on the front lawn)

after knocking, steve waits another minute and a half before the door opens, susan is tearing up a little, but invites him inside anyway.

steve’s thinking about how aggravated dustin is going to be about steve being late to pick him up.

but once he comes into the house, he forgets about dustins wrath and focuses on the uncomfortable atmosphere in the house.

max has a cup against a door in the hallway and susan is cleaning up pots and pans in the kitchen. he assumes billy—and possibly the mystery car owner—are in the room max is spying on.

steve mouths a ‘who?’ referring to what she’s listening in on.

she looks as though she’s going to respond before her attention is drawn away by a noise inside the room, one that could be heard without the glass.

it doesn’t take but a few seconds for max to scramble up and quickly seat herself at the dinner table steve was standing near and the door opened to reveal two people.

a woman, tall and blonde and had crows feet around her eyes, though it didn’t deduct from her obvious beauty.

behind her, linked by their hands, walks billy, who looks happy despite the tear tracks on his face.

“you’re a very bad spy, max,” she smiles and winks at max, who blushes at being found out. “but you can always improve. don’t wear shoes, they make noise. try socks, instead,”

max just nods and messes around with the glass as she tries to force the blush away.

steve thinks his presence just goes unnoticed because billy has draped his arms around the woman’s shoulders, resting his head next to hers and she rubs his arms in response.

“and who’s this handsome boy?”

“babysitter,” max offers. “not that we really need one, but he drives us around,”

“how sweet,” she smiles (it seems as though you can never adapt to how shockingly kind her smile is, no matter how much she does it). “do you go to school with boppy?”

billy, gently, knocks his head into his mother’s with a groan, whispering something about her ‘shutting up’ and she responds with a light, tapping slap on his arms.

“he’s embarrassed, let me rephrase. do you go to school with billy?”

steve, storing the nickname ‘boppy’ for later ammunition, nods to her question, “yes, ma’am,”

“carrie, nice to meet you,” she smiles, again.

“well, me and steve are gonna head off now!” max says as she jumps from the table and dragging steve out of the house.

“what was that about?” steve asks once they’re buckled in and he’s started the car.

“so... neil died,”

“i’m aware,”

“and carrie—billy’s mom—had heard through a newspaper back where they used to live that he’d died and found the address for the funeral and figured out where we lived by asking around and—“

“you’re allowed to take a breath, max,” steve joked, but max just looked lost in her own thoughts.

“he’s been all clingy and—and different now that she’s here,” max said, quiet and off handed.

“well, he hasn’t seen her in—“

“i think he was 7 or 8 the last time he saw her,”

“so 10 years,” steve was trying to pay attention to the road and keep an eye on max. “he’s bound to miss his mom,”

“what if he leaves?” max ponders quietly, “what if he doesn’t want to stay here and he goes back to california with her. he has no obligations to me or my mom, so why should he stay?”

“max—“

“no! he should go! if he doesn’t care enough to stay then he should just leave!”

“has he even said he wanted to leave?” steve asks, a little amused at max’s overreaction.

“a million times,” max looks around the car and out the window. “it was all he could talk about for months when we first got here,”

“what about now? recently?”

max shrugs, “i don’t know... not really?”

so steve does some thinking. while he picks up the other kids and when they’re off playing around the arcade.

he thinks about how stressed max is. thinks about susan’s tears that afternoon. thinks about how at ease and gentle billy looked while hugging his mom and whispering with her. thinks about how gentle billy has been this past week or so... right since neil was hospitalized for complications after a heart attack.

after all his thinking, steve makes a plan.

billy looks up from the hood of his car to a knocking on the garage wall. he’s interested, however, upon seeing steve standing there.

“yea, harrington?” he asks with a little eyebrow quirk.

“i just wanted to talk to you,” steve offers a half smile, “about max,”

“go right ahead,” billy leans against the counter along the wall across from steve, relaxed and wiping grease from his hands.

“she’s afraid you’re going to leave. she thinks your mom coming to see you means your leaving her,” steve looks around the small garage, “it might be true, i don’t know and i have no right to your life, but please talk to max. i think she’s really scared you are going to give up on her now. thinks you have nothing holding you here, but i know that the two of you have been getting closer and more civil, if not friendly,”

billy stares at steve for a minute, uses a blank stare—not threatening, but not kind, just blank. “i’ll talk to her, thanks,”

billy smiles at steve before he goes back to working on the car.

steve sees this—this something in his face. the smile wasn’t teasing or flirtatious. it was warm and showed actual thoughts behind it, almost made him glow. mad him look like his mom.

and—let’s be honest—the town of hawkins isn’t by any means large. people knew neil hargrove wasn’t the kindest man and max had alluded to his acts of aggression without explicitly stating anything numerous times, but billy is completely different now.

that’s not to say neil hargrove deserved to die—had it coming, maybe—but this was most definitely not the same billy hargrove that steve had seen screeching into the school parking lot.

and wether it was neils absence, carries arrival, or a mixture of both, steve could see a california glow wrap the boy in rays of sunshine, even on the dull, cloudy days in hawkins.

“you gonna stand there for a while or what, harrington?”

steve hadn’t realized he was staring at billy, who was smirking (though not maliciously) in his direction.

steve stuttered, finally excusing himself from the garage and going out to his car, going home.

he attended neils funeral. many people showed up, just out of a neighborly obligation, and it was a quick, run-of-the-mill service.

the highlight of the funeral, in steve’s opinion, was turning around just in time to see billy and carrie leering over the hole that neils casket was in, and sharing a sly smile before, at the same time, spitting into his grave.

and the next week, after steve had noticed carries car missing from they mayfield-hargrove house driveway, and was delighted to see billy snapping at max to not be late as he dropped her off at the middle school.

he was even happier to hear, from max and the party, that carrie had rented an apartment in one of the complexes by the center of town, applying for a few jobs so she could hang around for a little longer. apparently, her and susan had a lot of shared interests and a mutual dislike for how neil treated children.