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tundrainafrica · 4 years ago

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Note: Instead of posting a meta or a fic today, allow me to take a quick break from that because I think I really need to appreciate some people here and the fandom overall.

February 7, 2021.

Today, I turned 24 and my boyfriend surprised me with a gift I think I’ll be taking to heart for a very long time.

The story behind the gift was as precious (or even more precious) as the gift itself and I thought I’d share it since it turned out some content creators were involved in this gift and I very much want to express how much this gift has defined this day for me and will place my 24th birthday as one of those birthdays I don’t think I’ll ever forget.

Apparently, I had casually dropped both my tumblr and my ao3 account during one of our conversations and somewhere around November he had started looking through my bookmarks, my posts on tumblr and some of my interactions with people in the fandom.

I should have seen it coming. It had started with my boyfriend suddenly asking about my hyperfixation with Levihan.

Sav? Shipping? Sav? Binge reading ships and meta posts? Sav? Gushing about a fictional ship?

And I remember gushing about this with my seemingly uninterested boyfriend a long night after explaining what was oddly the most out of character thing for someone like me.

I was sharing with him my metas and hcs and maybe, I was dropping a few of my favorite quotes along the way and it turned out he was interested. Suddenly he was asking me about my favorite fics, my favorite scenes. Suddenly, he was rereading my favorite fics with me and a few times, he was quoting those same scenes. I did find out he was looking through my blog when I got a random message from a really sketchy tumblr telling me to open my facebook.

I suspected a few times that he could be planning something. December passed with nothing and eventually he stopped asking so I clocked that as a fevered dream or unnecessary assuming on my end and didn’t think too much of it after.

It turned out my boyfriend had messaged my favorite authors about their fics and he commissioned one of my favorite artists (if not my favorite) to draw a few photos and bound them into a Levihan Anthology

And it feels fucking amazing to receive something like this. To get Levihan which helped me through the worst of 2020, bound forever as a book I can just open up and read anytime. And I guess tearing up at receiving such a gift had me thinking of a lot of things at once (which were always at the back of mind) but I thought of sharing now.

The past year wasn’t easy. Actually. don’t think it’s an understatement to say this past year was dog shit. With the covid pandemic and all plans after that cancelled, I’m sure we can all agree we had our ups and downs.

I had a lot of my own plans completely thrown out the window for numerous reasons. I had plans of going to law school part time while building a career. And, I got a job right after college to make these plans come true. In September the law school I got accepted to (after working so damn hard the past year to get accepted) denied my appeal for night classes. I decided to drop my enrollment to focus on my career. A week later, my job laid me off.

And for once in my life, I wasn’t going anywhere. And I lived in a house where everyone was always doing something and as soon as I lost my job I was pressured to find another one. But as we all know, searching for a job during this pandemic isn’t easy. I was still reeling after having dropped my enrollment just to focus on my job only to lose that job the week after with no prior notice. Everyone around me was busy doing their own thing. I had no one to talk to and for a while, I was falling into this pit of depression.

My days consisted of me hiding under the covers of my bed in between the few interviews I would take day to day. Around that time, I decided to binge watch Attack on Titan as well

I was never one to get hyper fixated in ships. In fact, this was the first ship since Royai and Victuuri which I have been so passionate. And this is a whole new level of passion. I think this is the first time I’ve ever written so much in this small amount of time. It was slow going. Just like Levi and Hange’s relationship, my fixation with this ship was a slowburn.

Those days alone, I was reading fanfiction by the bundle, I was scrolling through the Levihan tag like a simp, leaving kudos in ao3 on a throwaway account and just scrolling through random people’s tumblr accounts.

What happened during the one month? And when I was alone, sad, lonely and stagnant with no one to talk to, when everyone around me was living their own lives, all I had alone in the bedroom was Levi and Hange’s stories to keep me company between interviews.

And the meta analyses and headcanons I had about their relationship were teaching me things. They were teaching me that life was never about how quickly you progress or how far you go. Maybe the real winners in life are the ones who can build good relationships, build relationships so mutually satisfying they keep each other growing and in those few moments reading, headcanoning ships, I did realize, maybe even as stagnant as I was at that moment, my life wasn’t dogshit.

No one’s life is dogshit for a few small bumps along the way. Sometimes it just is part of the process of growing, learning to get past the worse, learning to manage relationships. And maybe it’s these relationships which make life worth living. Maybe it’s these struggles depicted in these stories and the bounce back. Maybe it’s the love, the life, the emotions so carefully described and depicted in every single story which makes life, life.

With every single fic I read and every single fan art I scrolled through. Levihan was teaching my things about love, loss and life.

Sometimes, these fandoms are the things which can catch people before they fall too low into something. These works and stories authors and artists shared so generously were what pulled me out of this state and are what inspired me to explore this relationship for all the potential its worth and maybe share my own stories and headcanons which people may learn a thing or two from or maybe just find some comfort and hope in.

And these inspirations eventually evolved to writing. Writing 10,000 words in a day in between three interviews? I never was a writer but somehow, I found myself spending hours exploring the themes of love, loss and life with our favorite pairing

I didn’t start writing out of nowhere. I didn’t start making metas out of nowhere. I needed the right inspiration, the right content to get me into this point where I could continue writing, reading, meta-ing, appreciating, headcanoning and everything in between.

And I just wanted to express my gratefulness to every single person in the fandom who had made it possible for me to pull out of that blackhole. Fandoms are underrated and I believe there are so many lessons which can be learned from the right content and from the right people.

To the people who so willingly went along with my boyfriend’s little project:

@faerielleart I saved A LOT of your art and they’re sitting in my google photos under a folder called Levihan and maybe I did share a few of your photos (the cheeks one and the beast titan one and the les miserables) ones to my boyfriend unsolicited just to show him how beautiful Levihan can be. Thank you so much for these beautiful drawings.

@lizaloveslevihan You were one of the first people I talked with in this fandom and dreams really was one of those stories that fucked me up a little bit, had me make a few misses on the commute on the way home one day but maybe it did have me explore the angst genre a little more, maybe it did have me explore Levi’s character a little more.

@ariadneamare YELLOW. OH GOD. You know those letters? The ones which Hange left Levi at the end of the story? I ended up copying and pasting them and sending them to my boyfriend right after reading and I remember talking to him about this. We might be facing that same type of story in the future and I guess that ended up becoming a lot of foundation of our discussion and I guess, it’s just proof that there is so much to learn from fanfiction. There’s just so much to explore and fanfiction as a genre just does not get the credit it deserves.

@fanmoose12 I was exploring your works even before I started this tumblr up again. Maybe it was even your works which got me building my own headcanons from Levihan and writing from there. And I think I did leave a few anonymous messages telling you how I started exploring other genres because of your fics. Your works got my out of my dark place, it got me exploring a lot of other genres and for that I’m eternally grateful.

And somehow, my boyfriend picked that all up from late night discussions and one-on-one metas. Surprisingly, he wasn’t just playing along to humor his girlfriend. He was exploring the themes of love, life, loss and Levihan right along with me. (And got spoiled about Hange’s death along the way… Oops.)

And I am eternally grateful for that and I made sure to shower him with a lot of kisses after he kept me in the loop with what has been going on these past few months with his sudden interest in Levihan.

And this huge thank you goes out to all content creators (authors, artists, gif creators, shitposters alike). Sometimes you never know who’s thinking about your work, who’s shoehorning your works and quoting them to their best friends. Sometimes, you never will find out but your work had pulled someone out of a blackhole which they’ve been stuck in and sometimes you never know that your work has been that seemingly small thing that had taught them a lesson in love, life or relationships. Sometimes, that one work turned out to be an inspiration which got them writing and sharing their own stories or making their own drawings

And I guess, the point is, keep writing. Keep drawing. Keep sharing pouring your love, passion and emotions into works of art because you never really know whose heart you touched or whose life you changed.

I have a job now. I decided to push law school a few years back and maybe take the time to work on myself now and maybe spend the next months or maybe years writing metas and fanfictions. I was pulled out of my hole. I was inspired. I have my own stories to tell and I don’t think I would have been here if I hadn’t spent the last few months reading fic after fic, meta after meta, appreciating art after art,

So anyway, I just wanted to share some pics of my favortie fics, immortalized in one anthology, all organized by my boyfriend. And I think he made some great decisions with these.

(Bookbinding credits to @mayerwien)

#levihan #levi x hange #levi x hanji #lyf #life post

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thistlecatfics · 4 years ago

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How do you feel about James threatening to take off Snape's underwear in front of a group of fellow students? And using that to try and coerce Lily into a date with him? I've seen different takes which included sexual assault (which isn't wrong by our standards, per se, including showing underwear in the first place) to teenage antics. Basically, how do you feel this action reflects on who James is as a person - ignoring the arguments of Marauders vs Snape being "justified" or not. 1/2

2. An aside, where does it say in book text that Mulciber used Levicorpus against Mary Macdonald? (I think I saw that in a discussion on meta here.) I can't find any part of the book that confirms what was actually done to her. For what it's worth, I tend to think of the characters all fighting a small war during the marauder era, and find "who bullied who" discussions pointless, especially in the later years.

First off - I cannot be entirely sure I did not send this ask to myself in a fevered state because this is exactly what has been bubbling around in my head for the past week. (so, uh, that is to say, thank you for the ask, anon.)

Second - everything we get about the marauder’s era is through 2+ unreliable narrators which is why it’s so fun! I just reread SWM and am going to offer a few potential interpretations. I’m very much open to more.

Rereading “Snape’s Worst Memory” right now, the first thing that stands out to me is that it is Snape’s memory but the details around James Potter and co are almost absurdly clear given that Snape is “as deeply immersed in the OWL paper as ever, which left Harry free to sit down on the grass between the beech and the bushes and watch the foursome under the tree.” It’s a little difficult for me to understand how everyone is situated but why are the details of MWPP’s conversation intelligible to him?

A few questions right from the start:

To what degree is Snape’s pensieve memory reliable?

To what degree should we see this as a school-based proxy war vs bullying?

To what degree is this moment an aberration vs typical?

“Snape reacted so fast it was as though he had been expecting an attack.” (hyper-vigilance, trauma-response, training, situational awareness, been listening in - lots of ways to read this)

“Students all around had turned to watch… some looked apprehensive, other entertained.” (everyone assumes something is about to happen)

The initial dialogue (grease marks on the parchment) feels super schoolyard bullying.

Scourgify - choking him, seen described as “waterboarding” very cogently though I’m still iffy on that, but we do know it’s very much the lizard brain not the thinking brain that reacts to that - you’re terrified of drowning like that, wizarding or not. It's quite a cruel thing to do.

“Leave him alone.”

“I will if you go out with me, Evans,” said James quickly. “Go on… go out with me and I’ll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again.”

“Quickly!” is such a useless adverb! There are still so many ways of interpreting that! Quickly as in - he’s said this so many times he doesn’t have to think about it? Quickly as in - he’s not thinking and he says a stupid 16 year old thing which he regrets soon after? Quickly as in - this is fun, almost mutual banter? (doubtful as her earlier statement was said “coldly.”) But also like... what the fuck, James? What the actual fuck?

Ok then Sirius says “bad luck, Prongs” briskly, and Snape reaches his wand. Snape curses James with a spell that leaves a gash across his face “spattering his robes with blood.”

(to be fair to Snape, faces bleed super easily, and a shallow cut on the face will bleed just horribly as any rugby player will tell you.)

Then James sends him upside down. Everyone laughs, and even Lily’s “furious expression” “twitches.”

Then we get the Lily/Snape/James interaction bits - they’re fighting, James undoes the Levicorpus and then the Patrificus Totalus at Lily’s insistence, and then, famously, Snape says, “I don’t need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!”

Sirius gently mocks James “who looked furious now.”

And the scene concludes with:

“There was another flash of light, and Snape was one again hanging upside-down in the air.

‘Who wants to see me take off Snivelly’s pants?’”

Honestly rereading the chapter I was hoping for some clear insight, and my main reaction is that I have a renewed understanding for why there’s so much debate about this memory!

Without any context, the concluding moment, that James feels humiliated over a rejection by a girl, and he then physically restrains another man, shows off his underwear and threatens to take them off in front of a crowd, feels like standard issue sexual violence (in the sort of hazing/bullying type.)

In context, given that we know Snape and his friends are about to be (or already have been) inducted as Death Eaters, a process that involves murder, this feels like a school-based proxy war in a larger fight and while it might be sexualized violence, it’s not so outside the pale as it would be in our own high school context.

Alright now that I have thoroughly confused myself and gotten nowhere, let me focus on the actual questions given.

"Basically, how do you feel this action reflects on who James is as a person"

Badly! It reflects badly!

To me, I see him as your typical Social Justice Bro - he’ll say the right words, fight against the Baddies with genuine fervor, but he still very much sees women as prizes to be won in exchange for his good behavior.

This is SUCH a common type of person and the idea that Quidditch star, wealthy only child, brilliant Jame Potter falls into that trap is not surprising.

I see there being three options fans can take here:

This memory is accurate and representative: James Potter, like many men, fights on the good side but harbors misogynistic views and treats the women in his life like objects and is willing to use sexualized violence against others as a means of asserting his own masculinity.

This memory is accurate but not representative: This is the worst James Potter ever acted. He never behaved this way again. He apologized to Lily. He did his feminist reading. He worked on his own shit. (I think this is the one JKR wants us to take? But who knows and who cares with her.)

This memory is not accurate: Snape, being very smart and very highly motivated, like many people like him, has slowly and steadily edited his own memories to better fit into a narrative he feels comfortable with. (This explains why his recollections of the MWPP conversations are so accurate and unflattering and also why he seems to have done zero healing or maturing in the past 10 years and bullies children. He has been stewing in his own edited memories rather than healing and moving on.)

I can vibe with all of them, depending on what kind of story I want to write/read/imagine.

where does it say in book text that Mulciber used Levicorpus against Mary Macdonald?

It doesn’t. I think I remember the meta you’re referencing (I remember it being very good and interesting!)

“Mulciber! What do you see in him, Sev, he’s creepy! D’you know what he tried to do to Mary Macdonald the other day?”

…

“It was Dark Magic, and if you think that’s funny-”

It’s super vague in canon. I interpret it as an act of sexual violence, because that’s where my brain always goes, but it’s incredibly vague!

Anon, I hope you don’t think the fact I managed to write 1,000 words and weasel my way out of answering your questions means I don’t deeply appreciate them! I hope you have a stupendous evening <3 <3

#hp ///////#hp meta #snape's worst memory #james potter

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pasiphile · 4 years ago

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idk if this is something you've either a) ever felt the desire to talk about (if not, please excuse the curiosity!) or b) talked about before, but how do you go about writing your ep(f)ics? it's one of those things i've always been curious about because there's plenty of chat about how to start an original novel and plot it etc but usually a good chunk of those hypothetical word counts come down to character building, which is less relevant in fic. any thoughts?

I don’t mind at all! Especially because after writing four (five?) of these fuckers I finally feel like I got the hang of how I actually tackle them.

(that is, the general method. If you're asking about knowing what scenes to write/how to decide what actually happens, there I can't help you. Imo, that's just a case of having imagination)

First a caveat, though: I don’t write chronologically. I know people who do, and honestly it seriously impresses me, but it’s not something that I can do. If you can write chronologically, please do, because you’ll save yourself a lot of headaches. But if you’re like me and you just hop around...

So basically I start out with a vague idea. In Laws that was picking up after ACWNR and showing how they got from there to the point at the start of the series, for TVD it was I wanna show Moriarty’s pov for most of the series, and for the Untamed it was what if post-canon someone starts fucking around with the Yin Metal again. Basic, huge ideas, that give me a start, a middle and an ending.

This is also the point where some people outline. Again, if you can, great! do it! give yourself structure! I personally keep trying and it never works so I’ve given up, and try to keep track in my head instead.

Once I’ve got the basic idea, I basically just... start writing. By which I mean, more specifically, that whenever I have a bit of free time I retreat into daydream-land and start imagining things that might happen. Anything might be a jumping-off point there; a thing I read in another story, an interesting meta I read, a detail I saw in canon. Anything that fits the general storyshape.

(A lot of those scenes start their life in the space before I fall asleep).

The trick after that is to get to a keyboard asap, before I forget what I actually had in mind, and write it down (this is also why fic fragments tend to show up in the notes app of my phone). Once I start writing those down, usually I go beyond what I initially thought of - they write themselves, in a way.

If you do that often enough, eventually you’ll end up with a critical mass of scenes. I do try to put those scenes roughly in the right place, chronologically, but that’s only an estimate. This phase two is basically one giant shuffle game: trying to see which scenes can follow on which, whether there’s a logical connection between them, and then cut-paste and adapt all over the place.

I don’t actually edit in this phase, to be clear. I might put in a placeholder and a note if I have an idea what needs to show up to make two scenes link to each other, but I don’t go any deeper. At this point, you need a bird’s view on your story.

Once that’s in place, I start the hard work, which is taking those scenes and turning them into a coherent whole. Basically I just start reading at the start (of the story/chapter) and then run through the story as if I’m watching a series. The bulk of it has been written by now, so I now have room to write in the connective bits, the references to previous happenings, more internal thoughts and reflections...

And at the end of that phase, you’ve got something that resembles a (clunky, messy, occasionally weird) story.

So then I reread. This is usually when the bigger things start showing up, the character arcs and relationship-building. Some of that is already present, but it isn’t until I’ve got the whole thing in front of me that I actually start seeing the patterns. I try not to edit straight in the text at this point (which is why I often put the file in epub on my ereader, so I don’t get tempted) and take notes about general trends. Detailed editing is later.

(sidenote: fanfic needs less character building than original fiction, but you still need character development. if you’re writing an actual long thing instead of series of vignettes or one-shots, the way the characters are at the start can’t be the way they are in the end. Something’s gotta change, both in terms of characterisation as in relationships, otherwise you’re just going to end up with a boring story.)

And once that’s done, the process starts over, basically. Based on the notes, I start writing missing scenes and shuffling around scenes again if needed, and while I’m at it, I also try to edit the more detailed things. Said editing process keeps going until right at the end: I line-edit in AO3 one last time, just before I post, with the chapter copy-pasted from words straight into the drafts there.

Is this an efficient, logical or neat system? Fuck no. But it’s the only one that works for me, and I’ve gotten some good results with it.

It is, however, a rather intuitive system, because I know roughly how stories work, how tension and character building works etc. When I read, I tend to sense where it needs a cliffhanger, or a spanner in the works, or a big dramatic reveal. If you don’t have that sense (which honestly, I think you can only get if you read/watch/consume shitloads of fiction) you’ll need a way more structured approach - but those have never worked for me, tbh.

TL;DR

Phase 0: have an idea. can be as vague as you want, but try to know the beginning, middle and end of the story.

Phase 1: just fucking write. give no fucks about writing ‘complete’ scenes, just put it down on the page, even if it’s just a dialogue fragment. try to put things roughly in the right place but don’t spend too much thought on that. Put all your energy into imagining things, and then scribbling them down as soon as possible before you forget them again.

Phase 2: shuffle. Move the scenes around until you’ve got an idea what happens and in what order. Don’t bother edting. Just try to get one coherent plotline going.

Phase 3: read-and-write. Start from the beginning and walk yourself through the story, writing as much connective bits and embellishing everything you can.

Phase 4: read-and-check. Read your story as if you were a reader, not the author, and try to see if it makes sense, what the characters’ arcs are, what the story tension is like, and what’s happening plotwise.

Phase 5: Adjust accordingly, ie Rinse and repeat.

#Anonymous #Writing #Writing 101

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terramythos · 4 years ago

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TerraMythos 2021 Reading Challenge - Book 2 of 26

Title: Authority (The Southern Reach #2) (2014) - REREAD

Author: Jeff VanderMeer

Genre/Tags: Horror, Science Fiction, Ecological Horror, Cosmic Horror, Mystery, Weird, Third-Person, Unreliable Narrator

Rating: 8/10

Date Began: 1/05/2021

Date Finished: 1/10/2021

John "Control" Rodriguez, a disgraced former spy, is given an opportunity to redeem himself at the Southern Reach, the clandestine organization that oversees the mysterious and horrifying Area X. The director has gone missing following the disastrous "twelfth" expedition in Annihilation. Control is brought in to take over her job and fix the Southern Reach... and perhaps find a way to combat the insidious, paranormal effects of Area X.

But Control soon discovers just how deep Area X's corruption infects the place. Even worse, failures of the past-- both his own and those of the Southern Reach-- return to haunt him in disturbing ways. Badly outmatched within and without, Control will need to do everything he can to save not only the organization, but himself.

The last fragment of video remained in its own category: "Unassigned." Everyone was dead by then, except for an injured Lowry, already halfway back to the border.

Yet for a good twenty seconds the camera flew above the glimmering marsh reeds, the deep blue lakes, the ragged white cusp of the sea, toward the lighthouse.

Dipped and rose, fell again and soared again.

With what seemed like a horrifying enthusiasm.

An all-consuming joy.

Full review, some spoilers, and content warning(s) under the cut.

Content warnings for the book: some body horror but way toned down compared to Annihilation. Mind control/hypnotic suggestion is still a thing. Non graphic sexual content. Disturbing images. Without spoiling the entire book, there are several scenes that come off as gaslighting, but do have an alternate explanation. As before, a pervasive sense of unreality.

While Annihilation is a deep dive into the horrors of Area X, Authority takes a step back. It examines the situation from the perspective of the Southern Reach, the organization that oversees the expeditions we got to know so intimately in the last book. Control is a newcomer, so he functions as a natural outsider perspective. However, he's far from naïve due to his past experience in what I have to assume is the CIA (just called "Central" in the book). It's clear from the get-go that the Southern Reach is falling apart with its ancient buildings, circular and helpless theories, dwindling funding, and bizarre office politics. While Annihilation frames the Southern Reach as shady and possibly complicit in Area X's existence, Authority demonstrates the government would be predictably bad at handling an unknowable cosmic horror zone over any length of time.

Though I noted in my Annihilation review that most of the mystery surrounding Area X remains just that, Authority casually drops two major revelations in the first few chapters. First is... it's definitely aliens, right? Like, that's the only explanation that tracks-- why everything about the place is anathema to humanity, why it's impossible for characters to fully understand it, why mimicry is such a major aspect, etc. If you didn't suspect this already, it explains a lot. In particular, the "colonization" terminology and imagery in Annihilation hits different in that context. I have a lot of feelings about how this series approaches the extraterrestrial, but I'll save that for my Acceptance review.

The second reveal is that Control is taking over for the former director of the Southern Reach, who is MIA following Annihilation's "twelfth" expedition. Who is the director? The psychologist-- the pseudo antagonist of the last book, who we know got Super Killed Off. Turns out she's important and probably not actually evil? The biologist is also inexplicably back, but something is off about her, and she insists on being called Ghost Bird now. Did the biologist truly return (counter to the ending of the last book) or is this one of the shells Area X sometimes spits back out into the real world? If she's the latter, Ghost Bird seems to have much more personality and self awareness than the others. It is interesting to consider an entity of Area X would willingly name herself.

So, Authority is a weird book. The horror element is still present, but toned down. Instead, there's a lot of focus on the new character Control, his past, and the workings of the Southern Reach. In some ways this is refreshing. Annihilation (and the finale Acceptance) are so deeply entwined with Area X it's hard to see what "normal" looks like, and Authority brings that perspective. Relatively speaking. Second, and this is a spoiler, much of that normalcy is a facade. Control is basically mind controlled (heh) by a faction in Central, and is unaware of it for most of the book. It comes across in little ways, like the anachronistic storytelling and Control's confusion/disorientation at times.

We also learn that Area X doesn't just contaminate things inside it, but things outside it as well... and it's been doing this for some time. As a result, there's always a sense of Area X lurking in the periphery, manifesting in strange and unexpected ways. Something I like is the background chatter Control overhears being lines from Annihilation, which he isn't aware of, but the reader sure is.

I've read this book a few times, and while there are things I really like about it, it's probably my least favorite of the trilogy. I think the slower pacing and different narrative approach have merits, but just aren't as interesting to me as the rest of the series. It's noteworthy that my favorite bits in Authority are the disturbing video of the first expedition and the sudden End of Evangelion-esque return of Area X near the end-- not the espionage and philosophical tangents that comprise most of the book. There are several ideas that seem interesting but don't go anywhere, and those feel like a waste of space. I think Authority could be pared down to half its page count and still get across the same feelings and general concept.

Control is also not the most interesting protagonist, especially compared to previous and later characters. He's not terrible, but he spends most of his time just thinking in circles and observing mundane office politics. While this is fine at first it starts to drag as the story goes on. As I said, a lot of tangents go nowhere, and there's not much going on beyond those until well over halfway into the book. Control does have a hidden tragic backstory, and it's interesting enough, but it barely factors into the overarching Area X storyline outside some symbolic comparisons. He feels out of place, perhaps intentionally.

I do like the dry humor and observations Control brings and how they contrast with the intense tone of Annihilation. I can also see the appeal of having a more ordinary character, if only to bring context to the extraordinary. But the problem is Control isn't ordinary. He's the youngest member of a dynasty of professional spies! Yet somehow I just don't find him exciting compared to an antisocial biologist. I dunno. Ultimately Control is a pawn in the story, used and manipulated by other people, and (spoilers) this doesn't change in Acceptance.

I had similar dilemmas with VanderMeer's Ambergris books, particularly book two, so perhaps it's a fact about his writing. When it's good it's GOOD, but sometimes the things I like get lost in rambling narrative fluff. The question is whether getting through the less interesting parts is worth it for the really good parts. With The Southern Reach trilogy, I'd argue the latter. I have no issues with the style or pacing in Annihilation or Acceptance, and the overarching story is fascinating.

I've mentioned many times before that I usually struggle with book twos in trilogies, and this one isn't an exception. However, I do appreciate what Authority is going for on a meta and lore level when viewing the series as a whole. It does establish a lot of things that either explain earlier stuff or pay off later; it just takes a while to get to them. The context of everything else bumps this to an 8.

#taylor reads #8/10 #2021 reading challenge #google why was this image so crisp yet i couldn't find anything good for annihilation. biphobia at its finest #i like how this review turned out :>

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mrslittletall · 4 years ago

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2, 3, 4, 6, 16, 20, 22 for writer meta ask. Feel free to ignore the sheer amount because I'd have asked more 😂

Fanfiction Ask Meme

My blood sugar is killing me today, I can as well answer a row of asks while I wait for the stuff I ate to take root ^^ 2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project The next chapter after the next of Off Balance. It have looked forward to it for a year or so now ^^ Being able to finish Storm. While we still have a lot of time to go, we are definitely in the middle of the second half. I just want to write the ending and see it if is like I envision it. My Made in Abyss/Bloodborne crossover. Lately thought about the Prince Ornstein AU. I might turn it into a fic soon. 3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

I would LOVE to write all the stuff about my Dark Souls dragon AU, but that one is SO WEIRD. It also has mpreg and I can’t be the first one to write mpreg in the Dark Souls tag, especially when I know so many people who hate pregnancy fics... Feel free to ask me about details though. 4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

His triumph didn't last long because Tempest very much could feel the figure of the dragon slayer looming over him. “You idiot.”, he snarled. “We have talked about this... over and over again. Don't rush without thinking! You only get yourself killed!”

“Whatever...”, Tempest said, hardly believing the word that escaped his mouth next. “It's not like you would care about it or anything. Besides, I am just coming back anyway.”

“Little Storm, what...”, Ornstein said, his stance wasn't looming and threatening anymore but instead looked... deflated.

“You are just with me so that you can go on a journey to find your old lover.”, Tempest said, nearly sniffling. “You never cared about me. I am just a nuisance, just this annoying Undead.”

“That's... that's not true...”, Ornstein said, a tremble in his voice.

“Oh yeah?”, Tempest got himself worked up. “Then why have you never asked me what I want to do when this is all over?!”

Ornstein now looked really really small, which was impressive for a man of his size. “It's... It's not that I am not interested, but...”, Ornstein didn't finish the sentence.

Because Tempest didn't knew. Tempest wholeheartedly believed that linking the flame would set everything right again. That it would get rid of the curse of the Undeath, give the gods back their power and Anor Londo would once bloom again. He didn't know that linking the flame meant to sacrifice oneself...

“But?”, Tempest asked, an angry glare and some tears in his eyes. Ornstein felt horrible. He couldn't tell him. Not with the hope he still had...

“I am sorry, little Storm.”, Ornstein said instead. “So.. what is it you would like to do when this all is over?” This one from Storm. It came out EXACTLY like I wanted. 6. What character do you have the most fun writing? Laurence. Guy just works with me. He’s so FUN to write. His dorky self, his sciency self, his asshole self. I love him. 16. Tried anything new with your writing lately? (style, POV, genre, fandom?) Yes, I tried to write for characters I never tried before. With the whump prompts. It was fun and I love to see how much I can learn by getting out of my comfort zone. 20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?) Ok, guys.... I LOVE to reference my own fics in other fics. Stuff in Storm references Keeping it Together, Keeping it Together references Duel Gone Wrong, Crazy Cat Vicar references Frenzy, etc etc. Go and search it and I give you a cookie when you find all the references ^^ 22. Do you reread your old works? How do you feel about them? Yes, I have too sometimes, to find out what I already put into it and what not. I sometimes cringe about style and want to rework it (Duel Gone Wrong needs more paragraph breaks), but often I read them and am like “Woah, this is actually good”. A few months ago I read “Distracted” again and cried laughing at my own humour!

#ask answered #thx for the ask #blood sugar get stable finally #I am not even diabetic arghl!#datsonyat

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captain-of-the-historicfuture · 4 years ago

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~hello~ !! For the meta asks!: 3, 6, 9, 12, 15, 18, 21, 24, and 25 :))

Hello!! Thank you for sending these; I was really excited to see that ask game and I was hoping somebody would send some in. It still took me a while to actually answer them though, and for that I apologise. But without further ado! Some meta answers (under the cut because they ended up being fairly long, whoops):

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (Consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway.)

I thought of a few examples, but they could basically be grouped together under a common theme: whumpy/angsty scenes that were self-indulgent as all heck. The whole self-indulgent aspect often required the characters to be just the teeniest, tiniest bit OOC and/or necessitated rather unrealistic plot circumstances. So it was simply easier to keep such scenes as maladaptive daydreams, rather than trying to think of explanations for the character/plot issues…or exposing myself to judgement for them LOL.

Receiving permission to write/share one such scene anyway is an opportunity I can’t let slip by though. It might be because I’m writing this while running on zero (0) hours of sleep—let’s hear it for insomnia, y’all!—but I suddenly couldn’t remember any of my newer ideas under this category. However, I did recall a one-shot I had started writing a couple of months ago that sort of counts? “Sort of” because I could actually be arsed to write it since I was, ya know, writing it. Only got about six hundred words down though.

…should I share those six hundred words…?

………nahhh. I don’t think I’m quite ready for that yet.

But here’s the gist of it: Coulson and May (because of course it’s Philinda) were married for quite some time before the Attack on New York. But then Coulson DiedTM and then got ResurrectedTM. But gasp of horror, he had to lose his memories of his romantic relationship with May because reasons. (I actually did have some ideas for those reasons but sshhhh this is about me yeeting context and setup.)

The first half of S1 still happens as normal (except MayWard doesn’t happen because??? Vows) and it’s now post-E20 “Nothing Personal”. The morning after (or a morning soon after, whatever) the T.A.H.I.T.I. reveal! May’s mom—who doesn’t know about GH.325 and whom May fed a cover story about Coulson divorcing her or something equally as oof, IDK—shows up at the hotel and starts ripping into Coulson for breaking her daughter’s heart, then dragging her back into the field with her ex-husband (him), then accusing her of terrible things and forcing her away again.

Poor guy’s confused as heck, and so is the team, and soon enough so is Lian. The only one who understands what’s going on is May, and she’s freaking dying off to the side like why is this happening to me and eventually everybody’s like! Explain??? (Was thinking about including something from Coulson like, “Are you still keeping things from me?” Just for that extra smidge of angst, yay!)

So yeah then May gives a, like, two-sentence debriefing that elicits more questions than answers. Coulson decides to take May aside and they have a heart-to-heart. Lots of feelings and angst and hurt/comfort and at some point plenty of kissing too. Just! May hiding her feelings for Coulson’s sake but really magnified, plus some actual apologies and consideration of the grief May’s been through on Coulson’s part.

And uhh yeah that’s basically it I dunno hdsjncjshd. I warned y’all it’s OOC, plot-bendy, and very self-indulgent!

6. What character do you have the most fun writing?

I don’t think I could name a single character for this. I get different things out of taking on different voices, you know? I guess recently I’ve found myself gravitating towards more taciturn and introspective points of view, like JQ from my original novel Rosewood or M. Yisbon from my…other original novel Temple.

Generally, however, I like tackling stories from an outsider’s perspective. That’s why I so rarely write my more “substantial” (serious? demanding? for lack of better words?) projects from the PoV of my “preferred” character. This usually means writing from their love interest’s perspective, but not always. With shorter fanfic, using a more removed/unconventional/niche PoV can be really fun. Like, I once wrote a canon compliant ficlet purely(-ish) about Philinda from Tony Stark’s perspective. That isn’t always sustainable with stories that demand more character development or closer character studies, however, which is why it’s a good thing I like writing drabbles!

9. Are you more of a drabble or a longfic kind of writer? Pantser or plotter? Do you wish you were the other?

My word counts tend to run long, but I usually only write one-shots for fanfic. If I’m even inspired with a novella- or novel-length story idea for a fandom, you already know I’m in deep with them. And if I actually find the motivation to plan and execute that idea? Dangg. That’s only ever happened…twice, maybe thrice, and I’m in a lot of fandoms.

At times, I wish I could go for more of a middle ground ’cause, like, you know what I love to see? An AO3 dashboard with several completed novellas for my ship/character of choice. I mean yes, I hecking love >90k fics, but sometimes I’m in the mood for quick reads…and what am I supposed to do when I burn through all the drabbles and 2k one-shots? (Besides despair and/or reread my faves desperately.) Novellas are basically always safe for me LOL, and I’d hope to be able to give as much as I take.

Ultimately though, I think I’m okay with where I am with regards to that. I wish I could write more in general, but I’d be okay with “writing more” just meaning “writing more one-shots”, ya know? More than okay, really. I have mad respect for fic writers who have, like, a hundred or more one-shots under their belt for this one ship. The fandom ecosystem would be incomplete without them (as well as every other type of writer, but sshhh that’s the type of writer I’m closest to being right now).

I’m definitely a plotter, and I definitely prefer it that way. It’s cool having such a detailed record of my process. I like feeling like a frazzled genius on the brink of a major discovery with all of my different outlines and colour coding and many drafts and various websites.

12. Do you want your writing to be famous?

Not exactly. It might be cool if my original works were recognisable in the world, but I don’t think I’d want to be recognisable. As for fanfic, I’d low-key enjoy gaining a place in that fandom’s community as a fic writer. Like someone who gave and got fic gifts from fic writer friends, who participated in challenges and GCs, who received writing prompts on Tumblr, whose name was known for doing a certain trope/genre a bunch of times… Ya know what I mean?

Unlikely to happen when I’m so hecking hesitant to publicly (i.e., outside of AO3) claim credit for my writing, but fjnskfsjhfjs. A writer can dream, right?

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

Of those three, tags are the easiest for me, for I have a reliable system for figuring out those.

Next easiest would probably be titles. For fanfiction, I like to use titles that are a quote from the source material. You should have seen all of my old Hamilton fanfic… I was really proud of some of those titles. And I don’t mean, like, whole lines—usually only two to five words. It’s a unique type of wordplay that I just love dabbling in.

And lastly, summaries. Sometimes inspiration strikes me and a snappy and intriguing synopsis just jumps out—one that I’m quietly pleased with—but most of the time I’ll spend way too long trying to think of such a synopsis and eventually just go with whatever I’d come up with so far. And live with my quiet dissatisfaction for the rest of time.

18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (Plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations...?) Tell us about them!

Typically, no. If I have deleted scenes, I save and publish them separately, but that’s about it. I sometimes think of AUs for my own work and might talk about them in my author’s notes—might even talk about writing them—but I never really do anything with them.

Although…

It’s not uncommon for me to decide a plotline isn’t working for a certain story or to think of an interesting but undoable arc for a certain character, but what I’ll do is make a whole new story for those ideas. Once I’m done developing the original idea and the branched-off one, you probably wouldn’t be able to tell they grew from the same roots. Does that count?

21. What other medium do you think your story would work well as (film, webcomic, animated series, etc.)?

That depends on the story. I’ve actually written stories in other mediums—movie screenplay, musical stageplay, poetry, TV show scripts, play scripts, roleplay—but the novel does tend to be my comfort zone. Sometimes, if I have an idea that I think could work, or would even work better, as another medium, I’ll label it as such in my folder of ideas and decide not to write it as a novel.

Most of the time, my non-book projects are collaborations. I’m working with five different people on six different story ideas: two webcomics, one stage musical, one anime, and two animated TV shows. Little concrete progress has been made in any of those, mind you, but they’re still fun to discuss!

24. Would you say your writing has changed over time?

Absolutely. But I’ve been writing stories since I was five years old, so we would hope so, huh?

I wouldn’t say my writing’s changed completely, though maybe that’s just my insider’s perspective.

25. What part of writing is the most fun?

Oh gosh, I can’t believe you’d make me choose. Writing is just such a wonderful experience for me; I love just about everything to do with it. Admittedly, not all the time, but. Since that barely qualifies as an answer, however, I’ll give you this—

The endings. Not only that intense feeling of rightness when you wrap up that last sentence, but also the moments before. The adrenaline of knowing you’re almost there but you gotta push just a bit more to actually get there. And also the part right after—the real wrap-up, honestly: the revision and the editing. Heavens, I love revising and editing my work.

Which is not to say I don’t like writing it out for the first time, too—there’s nothing quite like seeing your cursor scroll to the next page, like going from a blank expanse to a Oh man, how many more lines are even going to fit on this page?, like watching that page counter tick up another number. However, there’s something cathartic about finally ironing out those problems I had to force myself to stop worrying about earlier because “just finish the first draft dangit”.

I guess that’s not really the end of the writing process, but whatever. Close enough (as fic writers are wont to say).

Another thank-you for these asks, and feel free to come back with more at any time! ;P

Send in fun meta asks for your friendly neighbourhood writer!

#thou canst not then be false to any man #ask game #invictusmaneo #to write and read comes by nature

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lordeasriel · 4 years ago

Note

I feel like you gave a more tentative answer to the "Is Simon Talbott gay for Marcel?" when it was first asked. But recently you seem to be taking a firmer stance. Am I reading too much into your posts or are you more sure that Talbot is gay for Marcel?

Oh yeah, I definitely became more sure of my opinion on this since that first ask I got (at the time it was my first reread, so I wasn't paying that much attention to Talbot tbf).

I definitely think Talbot might be gay, and I say might because while there are signs he might have a sexual interest in men, it's not very clear most of the time, but I am confident this is a legitimate reading. There is a lot to back this up.

First, the scene he has with Marcel, which is the obvious thing. It's hard to say if his daemon is flirting or simply showing off to try and seem competent in Marcel's eyes; we don't fully know (as far as I can remember) why Talbot is tangled with the Magisterium, so it wouldn't be far fetched he just has a massive crush on Marcel. Of course, realistically, it's hard to imagine a man like him being so silly in his motivations.

Another thing that backs it up the Gay! Talbot idea is a passage from his own book, that Lyra reads at one point and it talks about daemons and relationship and sexuality. It's very brief, and not exactly talking about homosexuality or anything like that, BUT as usual I read too much into things and I think his passage shows his own issues with his sexuality. I intend to write a proper meta about this specifically, but I've mentioned before that Talbot and Brande write books about things that make them feel like they fit in: Brande writes about a world where people have no daemons, Talbot writes about nothing have no meaning, but more specifically he talks about how the Daemons represent nothing, and are nothing shorter than a figment of imagination, to suits one's needs. Talbot's needs would lie between being gay and not being at peace with it; or being gay and trying to fit in at last.

Either way, I will talk about this soon in a separate post, but I can see why my take on this might seem unsure and it's because it is unsure. TSC has an unusual amount of commentary on men liking compliments and flattery and attention and in "no homo" kinda thing. In fact, I think it is reinforced twice this idea with the line "men liked (this), homosexual or not". And Philman has written gay men before so, I don't see why he should dance around it now, but it sure feels like that sometimes.

So, short answer lol: yes, I am more sure of it now than I was before, that Talbot might be gay (and interested in Marcel), but I am not 100% sure because there is just not a lot of evidence, everything is circumstantial and based purely on interpretation. There are no facts to back it up, but I like this idea so I vibe with it - much more certain of it now based on these things I mentioned.

#asks #simon talbot #it's one of the few things i can't be super certain because there is too much room #for interpretation and it's just impossible to know for sure #but anyway i hope i answered u properly anon thank u for the ask!

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sleepymarmot · 5 years ago

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Re-liveblog: eps. 4 & 10

Here's something I've been planning to do for a while -- rereading the liveblog of The Untamed I wrote a couple of months ago and looking at my own initial reactions to Jin Guangyao's storyline with new eyes. Returning to old liveblogs is always fun, but particularly when the perspective on something changes so much by the end of the story!

Of course, this turned into a monstrosity with word count in thousands that sat in my drafts for about a month, and involved rewatching most of the scenes the liveblog mentioned, and some that it didn't. Please be warned: this series of posts is not meant to be a comprehensive analysis, and will jump from one point to another or highlight only the things I have changed my mind about, or haven’t talked on this blog before. It is going to include some very personal interpretations and opinions, sometimes possibly (or definitely, in the case of this very post) unpopular or negative. I am here to reflect on my own experience of watching the show almost as much as to write meta about the show itself.

[All re-liveblog posts]

[ep 4]

is this shy illegitimate son the same person who summoned WWX in the first episode, or are they two entirely unrelated bastards? I don’t think the ages match up…

Oh, so that's what I was thinking during Meng Yao's introduction scene: trying to figure out whether he was the same person as Mo Xuanyu or not. That's funny.

[negativity ahead!]

Of course, I was also admiring Xichen's elegant way of Using His Privilege For Good, but I thought that was self-explanatory enough not to put in the liveblog. It didn’t occur to me this scene could be interpreted as a sect leader openly hitting on a disadvantaged youth, or that such an interpretation would be popular, especially in a literal and positive way as opposed to a dark or subversive headcanon. So even if this is ever confirmed to be an intended message of the scene, I’d just say “I recognize the council has made a decision...” and continue to disregard it. Kind of incredible how it manages to squick me in at least five ways -- and xiayo is one of my main ships in this fandom! And not only squick -- in my eyes, sexualizing LXC’s intentions in this scene not only adds something that I don’t like, but actively detracts from the textual, surface meaning and narrative function of LXC’s actions (establishing LXC as a Model Authority Figure who masterfully manipulates the social power dynamics not for self-interest, but for justice, kindness, and peaceful conflict resolution; see also the following scene with the Wens). And from the other side, I think Meng Yao is shocked and impressed specifically because someone like LXC would do this for someone like him without an ulterior motive; I suspect that if he saw this as LXC making an excuse to touch someone attractive, he would only be turned off: a sect leader who can’t keep his hands to himself is nothing new and nothing good from the point of view of JGS’s illegitimate child.

But if this brief brushing of hands holds any in-universe significance in addition to a possible foreshadowing of this relationship’s future importance -- I think I just finally realized what it must be! This interaction is an adaptation of the following scene from the book (which, to be fair, happens when MY and LXC already know each other, not during a first meeting):

Meng Yao had been a famous joke for a certain period of time, which was why a few recognized him. Likely thinking that the son of a prostitute perhaps also carried some unclean things with him, the cultivators didn’t drink from the cups that he had presented with both hands. Instead, they put the cups to the side and even took out white handkerchiefs. As though it felt too uncomfortable, they repeatedly wiped the fingers that they’d touched the teacup with, either intentionally or not. Nie MingJue wasn’t someone mindful to such things. Wei WuXian, though, caught sight of this through the corners of his eyes. Meng Yao acted as if he didn’t see anything, his smile unfaltering as he continued to pass around tea.

As Lan XiChen accepted his cup, he looked up at him and smiled, “Thank you.”

He drank a sip of the tea immediately afterward. Only then did he continue to converse with Nie MingJue. A few cultivators began to feel uneasy as they saw the scene.

(Chapter 48)

So CQL!Meng Yao’s eyebrows twitch in pleased surprise because the sect leader not only personally approached to verbally support him, but took something directly from his hands, not even trying to avoid him or flinching at skin contact. As if it didn’t even occur to the majestic Zewu-jun to think of Meng Yao as dirty or disgusting.

I don’t know if this is an intended interpretation either, because I don’t remember anyone specifically avoiding physical contact with MY in the show, and on the contrary, there were examples of both friendly (from Huaisang) and unfriendly (from the commander) touch. But I certainly prefer it to the other interpretation, and ignoring the interaction altogether seems a bit intellectually dishonest.

[/negativity]

On another note, much is said about JGY’s performativity, but check out LXC’s! Someone’s being bullied in his classroom? Not on his watch! Time to descend from his pedestal like truth coming out of her well, Very Pointedly and at length explain how this person Has His Official And Personal Approval And Is Very Welcome Here, then take the gift from him personally instead of letting a disciple do that. Note how in the following scene, he also personally accepts the gift from Wen Qing as a peacemaking gesture. I love how LXC’s character establishing event is about defusing not one but two uncomfortable situations in a row. Of the two brothers, all social skills went to him...

I have no comment on the goodbye scene. Just sadness.

Oh wait, after rewatching the entire show and coming back to the post, I do have something to say. This episode is the only time I can say with all certainty that all of Meng Yao’s words and reactions are fully sincere. After this point in the timeline, it will never happen again. :(

It’s a shame that the gifs I’ve seen of this scene end with the iconic stopped bow, because the final shots are also great! As soon as MY turns away, his face becomes clouded again, and seconds after the Sect Leader himself held his arms and assured they were peers, he felt the need to bow and lower his eyes as some unnamed disciples walked by. And the bitter look he sends after them tells the viewer how much he is aware of falling from the dreamland where a nobleman would compliment him like three times within three minutes, back to the regular life where it is better not to be noticed at all. Meanwhile, Xichen looks him in the back like “I want it to grow strong and healthy, I want to tell my friends and neighbors about it”.

[ep 10]

Alright, when 10 minutes ago I thought “Meng Yao, sweetie, kill that clown”, this is not what I had in mind

SOMEBODY GIVE MENG YAO A HUG (after some emergency medical care) HE HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG IN HIS LIFE. Can Xichen adopt him now?

Ah, the joys of the first viewing.

At this point, I was thinking of both Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue exclusively as of father figures for Meng Yao. For LXC I think I slowly started to notice the romantic tension later but made a complete flip to the romantic interpretation only during the "late light talks... no sign of curse on his body" conversation. For NMJ it was during the head flashback. And as much as I like these pairings, it does feel like a loss that their existence displaces the very different pseudo-family dynamic. I think a story in which NMJ, LXC, WRH and JGS are all openly presented as competing father figures would be interesting; has anyone written that?

On rewatch, I was outraged by all of the blatant manipulation that I bought completely on the first viewing. MY is very good at playing a wounded bird -- especially when he's literally wounded. I had wondered why he just limped away without treating it, but now it's obvious he is using Stoic Suffering to invoke pity and admiration. Just like, a few minutes earlier, he showed NMJ that he was ready to be struck down, and it saved his life. He tells NHS with a sad but brave face “I won't be able to take care of you anymore” and on first viewing it worked on me just as he intended -- I thought “Poor boy, so trained to serve, he puts his duty to others above his own feelings even in this situation”. Ha...

And NMJ is only helping his case. He had the chance to explain everything and share the truth of MY's actions. And in the novel, he does take this chance, retelling the incident to Xichen (who chooses to turn a blind eye). Instead, NMJ basically confirms MY’s narrative: by hiding the reason for the exile, he makes it seem like there was no respectable reason at all. NMJ, all by himself, makes himself look like an irrational tyrant, and MY like a victim of an arbitrariness. And he does it in front of Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian, no less -- an heir to a major clan and his brother! By trying not to discuss internal problems with outsiders, he achieves an opposite effect. Luckily for him, JC and WWX don't give a shit... But imagine how different the plot would be if they had this information from the start?

What I still don't understand is -- what was Meng Yao’s plan in this episode? Who was he working for? Who was his accomplice, whose feet we saw in the later flasback -- surely not Xue Yang himself, he’s supposed to be under arrest! Was he working with the Jin secretly already? (I don’t think so: in a later scene, JGS asks him about this incident, seemingly ignorant.) Or with the Wen (I don't remember -- did Xue Yang go back to the Wen afterwards)? Or just with Xue Yang directly, setting him completely free just on the promise of future cooperation? This seems most plausible -- but to risk and lose everything over such an uncertain gamble doesn’t make MY look very smart.

I have some other things to say about the events of this episode, but they’ll be in the post about the flashbacks in episode 41.

#the untamed #jin guangyao #lan xichen #nie mingjue #blah blah blah #jgyreliveblog #starting with a risky one likely to alienate most of potential readers

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kyluxtrashpit · 5 years ago

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TROS Review

Okay here is my extremely long (almost 4k words >.>) review of tros. And that’s without the 2k meta on redemption arcs I also have filed away lmao. First off: I am not leaving the kylux fandom. It’s not a good enough movie to warrant that. Second: I might make a post of things I wished we’d gotten later, but this is already WAY too long lmao. Warnings for spoilers, opinions, and general negativity

EXPLICIT RISE OF SKYWALKER SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT

So. I have watched the thing. I went in knowing the spoilers and oh boy, am I glad I did. Still, overall this movie was… not great lmao. It’s messy and the pacing is off and there are some very weird and straight up Bad moments, but I’m not actually upset about it anymore. It’s more like ‘there’s a lot to unpack here’ except we’re not going to unpack it or even throw away the whole thing, it’s just gonna become that one box that’s still packed and untouched from when you moved 3 years ago. It’s there, but you rarely think about it beyond the occasional ‘maybe I should finally unpack that? Nah, too much effort’

I see a lot of people writing fix it fic and that’s totally valid but tbh… I don’t think it’s worth the effort for me. I think I’m just going to pretend it never happened and write my kylux the way I always have. Maybe I’ll do something with tros at some point, maybe some mean!Hux + redeemed!Ben because I’m awful lmao but for now, it hasn’t changed my plans at all. Which is actually a good thing tbh

Anyway. I’ll start with the good simply because there’s less of it lmao. Best thing about the movie? Everyone in it is looking like a fucking snack. It’s great. These people have always been hot, but this movie really nailed that. Also the trio stuff was fun and felt genuine. I LOVED the hints that Finn is Force sensitive, and I liked him in this movie even though I wish he got more story/time. I enjoyed Rey at the beginning, but her actions and plotline made less and less sense as the movie went on. Kylo was fun; I had gotten worried after that interview that said he’s calm now but he wasn’t lmao, like at all, so that was good. Also I didn’t like how Hux died but I’m endlessly grateful Kylo wasn’t the one to kill him. That might’ve actually ruined the ship for me

The visuals were excellent (save that strobing near the beginning; I’m not epileptic, but I had to close my eyes because it was too much). Some of the jokes hit will, as did some of the emotional bits (Chewie’s “death” was very well-executed and Rey’s scream broke my heart). Weirdly enough, C-3PO is kind of the heart of the movie, which I did not expect at all. Lando’s appearances were too brief but good. I also loved D-O a lot and he’s very cute. I liked seeing a bunch of new planets and environments, however briefly. The acting was also really great throughout on most accounts. I really enjoyed 2 of the Hux scenes (when he’s sitting in that board meeting making a face like he’s mentally eviscerating everyone in the room and when he gets so excited to finally get to blow something up and then Kylo shuts him up with the Force BUT WITHOUT HARMING HIM!!!)

That’s kind of it tbh. The movie overall is really messy. I’ve seen people say it feels like a fever dream and it really does. I’ve seen descriptions of people dreaming the plot of tros and they’re less weird. The pacing in the first chunk is way too fast and there’s way too much to take in. Then things get weird in the middle. Then, well, that ending. It feels like it’s trying too hard to be liked. It’s ‘joke’, ‘reference to past movie’, ‘joke’, ‘reference to past movie’, ‘mention of hope without showing it’, etc. etc. on and on throughout it. Some of those are fun, but it got tiring very quickly. And it made it impossible for me to suspend disbelief long enough to actually get into it

I also saw a lot of reviews saying if you didn’t like tlj, you would like this one. That was not correct. I disliked this for many of same reasons I disliked tlj, but it also managed to hold tfa’s weaknesses as well. Honestly, tros feels like the worst aspects of tlj mixed with the worst aspects of tfa, mixed with way too much nostalgia and then blended up with a good heaping of mania and desperation to keep it going. It tried so hard, wanted to be liked so badly, and you can feel that watching it. It doesn’t feel genuine

It also feels like every single movie in the ST was actually from a different trilogy. None of the 3 connect to each other. You can’t say tros is a successor to tlj or tfa; it’s totally on a different path, which I’m honestly not sure how they managed that. As much as I felt tlj wasn’t a true continuation of tfa, tros feels like its own trilogy mashed into one movie. There wasn’t one consistent plot or character thread to follow between all 3 movies

I think bringing palpatine back was the first fundamental mistake. It didn’t fit. And after creating Kylo and Snoke to be very specifically Not Sith, why bring the Sith back all of a sudden? Palpatine has had his day and he didn’t need this. No one did. Much as he was creepy as hell and that was well done, it didn’t feel right to have him there. Also, I really don’t like the implication he procreated at any point skdfjskldjk

As for Rey… I know I’m in the minority here, but I never found here to be a good narrative foil for Kylo. The connection between the two doesn’t really interest me at all (and this was one of the reasons I didn’t like tlj). It worked better if they were related, which was the biggest reason I was a proponent of Rey Skywalker, but that didn’t happen. The commonalities they have are just: 1) can use the Force, 2) have been lonely. The contrasts are: 1) light vs dark (sort of; this is less explicit in tfa and I miss that greyer view of the Force) and 2) had a family vs didn’t. And that’s pretty much it. In order for 2 characters to contrast and hit the ‘complimentary opposites’ sweet spot, you need much, much more than that. Finn has and always will be a better foil for Kylo and it’s a damn shame they abandoned that in tlj and even more so in tros. I have more thoughts on her that I’ll get to later too

I did like Rey in the beginning, but the longer it went on, the less I could rationalize her actions. Why is she doing that? Why is she trying to ditch her friends all the time? Why does she heal the cave snake? Why does she stab Kylo when he’s just become a non-combatant? Why does she heal him after? Why is she trying to reach out to the spirits of past jedi? Why did she Do That after she wakes up in the end? Why did she then seem to not even care that Kylo died right after? None of this is explained. Show, don’t tell, is great, but you can’t just make massive leaps like that. I didn’t get it. None of this felt like the character I’ve gotten to know over the last few years, nor did it feel consistent within the movie itself

That said, I want to discount one complaint I’ve seen: I got no impression she’s exiling herself on Tatooine at the end. It’s very clear she’s just doing a quick funeral ritual for Luke and Leia. The Falcon is still there, ready for when she’s done. I don’t get where the ‘she’s all alone in the desert again forever and ever’ comes from because it’s clear she’s not. It’s just a private ceremony (plus obvious fanservice). That’s it

For Finn: I liked that his character got to be a lot cooler here. I’m sad that he didn’t get half the attention and plot he deserved, but at least he wasn’t treated as a joke and a coward. My tlj complaint for Finn was that he went through the exact same arc he did in tfa over again; here, he doesn’t. He’s clearly grown into himself. That I liked. But damn, he was supposed to be a main character and he really got sidelined hard. It’s also very clear finnrey was planned at some point but didn’t end up in the final cut. The tease with that felt cruel tbh. He deserved to get to tell Rey he loved her on screen

And Poe: Poe was okay in this one. He felt to me like a different character in tfa and tlj, but this one managed to mesh the two characterizations well. He’s a bit of a hothead who doesn’t think (tlj), but he also really cares about people and is trying his best to lead (tfa). That was very successfully done. However. Poe is the one character with the most backstory. He’s got novels, comics, all of it. Where in the fuck is this history of being a spice runner in all that??? Sketchy as hell to make your one Latino character being a drug runner but you know. It also felt like a HUGE retcon of the one character that actually has fully revealed backstory. Also his thing with Zori was just weird and forced and exhaustingly heterosexual. Completely pointless tbh

As I was rereading this, I realized I forgot Rose but really, that’s because she does pretty much nothing. She has very few lines, never comes along. It’s like they forgot she was there. Or just didn’t care. It was really sad and a huge disrespect to everything KMT has gone through. Both her and her character deserved more

For Hux: I liked the 2 scenes I mentioned above, but other than that I was disappointed. I said this on twitter already, but the biggest crime they committed was getting rid of his fanaticism. Tlj may have turned him into a joke, but at least he was still a zealot. Here, it’s clear he gave up his last fuck like a year ago. It’s 9 am and he’s had 6 glasses of wine because he’s lost the will to live and it’s all pointless. Might as well fuck around and give the Resistance info that might lead to the end of everything he’s worked for his entire life because nothing matters and at least Kylo will lose. That’s dumb and violently ooc. I get him being a traitor to Kylo, I am DOWN for that, but not to the FO. He cares about the FO. He is fanatically devoted to the FO. That was ridiculous and wildly out of character. Also the FO is just gone in favour of Palpatine’s fleet as soon as Hux dies? What happened to them? Are they still out there? Who even knows? WHAT A FUCKING WASTE

Also Pryde? Fuck that guy and fuck JJ/LF/Disney for thinking it’s okay to have an old imperial kill Hux. Especially since the visual dictionary today confirmed Pryde knew Brendol and our Hux had known him for years. The possible implications are gross as fuck. If anyone was going to kill Hux one on one, it should have been Finn (with a wonderful stormtrooper rebellion arc involved) for the sake of both characters. I’m personally going to choose to believe Hux was wearing a blaster proof vest (thank you, Delilah Dawson, for putting those into Black Spire as canon) and faked his death. He’s living in blissful exile with Millie now or rebuilding the actual FO and ready to take over as the Emperor he deserves to be

Oh and Leia’s scenes did feel weird. I appreciate them trying to incorporate her, but it didn’t quite work. I feel like having her be offscreen yet present would’ve worked better than most of what they used. Some worked better than others though. I also have some Thoughts about her death but I’m about to get into the second half of the movie stuff and I’ll cover that there

Now Kylo. My darling, sweet, disaster boy. So. Okay. I knew no matter what happened his end would be controversial. And I have a lot of feelings on redemption arcs that can be distilled into one thing: if they’re written well, I like them, no matter how much bad the character has done; however, they are almost never written well enough. One of the first things I said coming out of tfa back in 2015 is ‘that’s going to be a disappointing redemption arc in a few years’. It was never about what ending I wanted (I actually favour something more grey than simply ‘oh he’s good now’ or ‘dies evil’, but that was way too ambitious for them to attempt so I never bothered to hope for it), because I knew it was coming. So this didn’t really bother me beyond the fact that it was too sudden. I do blame that partially on tlj, because it took Kylo from conflicted and torn apart to ‘yeah, I’m in charge now’, but I still think this was not the way to do it. Anyway. I have a 2k word rant somewhere about redemption arcs and when they work and when they don’t that I never posted and this is the much, much shorter version of that

Also. Okay. One more thing on this. So I usually don’t like redemption arcs because they’re written badly, but my least favourite redemption arcs are those that end in death. The only one I can think of that actually worked was Vader’s, but it doesn’t work as well with Kylo. Why? Because redemption is about making amends, not being punished. It’s about choosing to stop doing bad shit and instead to do good things to make up for what you’ve done. In self-sacrifice, not only does it send the message that the only path to redemption is death, but also it means you do literally one thing and then die. That’s it. One good deed, die, you’re done. That’s too fucking easy. True redemption is waking up every single day, for the rest of your life, and continuing to choose to do good. You know that evil is easier, feels better; you’ve done it. But you’re making the choice to keep doing good and to make amends instead. And you do that for years. Decades, even. That is SO MUCH harder to do than just one good thing and then immediately dying without showing if that change is lasting or not. That is how redemption is achieved: in making that choice not once, but again and again and again. So yeah. I didn’t like that. Death redemptions aren’t convincing to me because one choice is easy; consistently making that choice over the rest of your life is much, much harder

End of point: if they were going to redeem Kylo, he needed to live and work to make up for his past mistakes in order to make it impactful. It’s a damn shame he didn’t

Also: having Leia die for the sake of a man, son or not? FUCK THAT. And, even worse, if we follow the movie’s logic: Leia died trying to reach and save her son. Which lead to… him dying anyway?! Which means Leia’s death is meaningless and she died for literally nothing. Fuck that. FUCK THAT. What the fuck. That’s bullshit

Again on the redemption: Kylo just… kills his good friends the KOR without a shred of hesitation? Also the KOR literally never speak? And Kylo says literally one word (‘ow’) after the redemption? I admit, it was fun watching him fight and also watching him get hurt. If I ignore the context of it, watching him crawl out of the pit, scrabbling on the ground, so hurt he can’t even stand up? Fuck. That was good shit tbh. Also those big, desperate puppy eyes. They’re even worse with him as Ben instead of Kylo. Bravo to Adam for playing such a convincing sad boy. I hate that his scar got healed though; I liked it

Now. The whole ending and the plot stuff. Rey being a palpatine is… okay. Fine. I don’t like it but whatever. Seems like an unnecessary excuse to bring him back. Also Luke and Leia knowing? How? Luke knew Rey for literally 1 day. And how would Leia know? And why not tell Rey, who was so desperate for answers to her past when they thought Palpatine was dead? It makes no sense. It’s just very unnecessary. Not to mention the line “you’re a palpatine” is not a thing any real human being would ever say, jfc that was clumsy and unrealistic dialogue. I don’t mind Rey going a bit dark for some time, but this was not the way to do it. Also I was really hoping for a resolution beyond ‘dark siders dead, light sider alive’ because the dichotomous nature of the Force MAKES NO SENSE. Balance is needed. Leaving the only Force user alive a light sider means something dark will come again for the sake of it – Rey should’ve gone grey and tbh tfa made me hope this trilogy would end with all surviving Force users grey. So that was disappointing

Now. The kiss. Straight up: I do not ship it. I don’t mind if other people do, but I do get touchy when they go out of their way to prove there’s nothing inherently problematic about it. I ship kylux; it’s problematic as hell. That’s a good part of why I like it. So I’m fine with r*ylo shippers as long as they do the same. Problem is: most don’t and go around insisting it’s actually the highest romance possible while leaning on incredibly misogynistic and racist tropes to prop up that argument rather than accept their ship has some questionable parts to it (like kyluxers do). It’s more a problem with the fandom for me than it is the ship in theory. Still, I don’t like it and that’s what matters for this

The fact of the matter is it felt extremely sudden and out of place. The entire first half of the movie is Kylo being an aggressive, creepy asshole to Rey. I can theoretically entertain the idea of Kylo having feelings for her (though I don’t), but I cannot see the other way around, not when Rey has so many kind, wonderful people around her. Which is why this feels so weird. There was not enough build to it. I saw a cam clip off reddit before I went in, so I had accepted it was happening but I expected a lot more lead up to it to make it not seem so sudden. None of that was there. There was no build up or reaching of understanding so it reads exactly like those versions of it I dislike: there is nothing wrong with a man berating you and insulting you and attacking you and you should love him for it. That is not enemies to lovers. That’s just abusive bullshit

And then the death. Both of them. Rey dies from… what exactly? It’s never shown at all. And same with Kylo. The leaks said it was Force exhaustion, which a) why? And b) that’s not clear in the damn movie. You need to explain things!!!! And also that means Leia, Luke, Kylo, and Rey all died (even if one didn’t stick) from using the Force too hard. Meanwhile Darth Maul survives getting cut in half and Palpatine survives falling down a shaft in a space station that explodes 2 minutes later (and, you know, all the wacky Force shit he did in this movie too). The fuck? It’s dumb. I hate it

Also the dyad thing was weird. I know the early leaks had it more explained, then the leaks said they cut it, but now it looks like they left in 3 lines of dialogue with it and cut the rest. Again, explanations people! This is not a thing in previous canon! Maybe in the EU, but that’s not canon anymore! The fuck!!!! The idea is dumb and forced to begin with, but the execution made it worse

And now for the final, largest criticism I have. A confession: I am not a star wars fan by nature. I’ve always liked them, but I preferred other sci-fi more. I’m more of an invasive species who forcibly carved my way into this fandom ecological niche because I really loved Kylo lmao. But if there is one thing star wars is defined by, I don’t think it’s love or family or any of those common themes people say. It’s hope. That’s the thing star wars does well. Even when things are darkest, it keeps the hope alive and it makes you feel that. Good will triumph. There is reason to believe in heroes, even when they stumble

This movie is not hopeful. Rogue One, a masterful tragedy, still manages a message of hope despite every single lead character dying. This one doesn’t. And tbh, I think tlj missed on this a bit too (a lot of talk about having hope, not a lot of showing us reasons to be hopeful), but it was still there. Tros does not feel hopeful. The Skywalkers are all dead. Rey has decided to download the legacy (why? No idea! The whole message was ‘don’t be afraid of who you are’ and she just then decided to become someone else? Makes no sense!!!). Anakin’s sacrifice meant nothing because Palpatine came back (and it is CRIMINAL we never got an Anakin and Kylo scene). Han and Leia’s and even Luke’s (a bit) deaths meant nothing because yeah, Kylo turned back in the end, but then he died anyway. They all gave their lives to save him and it was all for nothing. He’s still dead. Palpatine is gone and so is his fleet, but what about the FO fleet? Are they still out there? Are there brainwashed stormtroopers still trapped in its clutches (also, they were so close with Jannah and Finn to adding depth here, but nope, the stormtroopers are still cannon fodder in every fight scene even though they’re literally slaves!!!!)? Who knows!

This movie only feels conclusive in that so many characters we love are dead. That’s it. There’s more questions than answers and so much left unresolved. There’s no sense of hope in it. There’s barely a sense of victory. It’s not satisfying. Even the celebration at the end feels weird and like it’s trying to force you to be happy. The jedistormpilot hug was good, but the lesbian kiss was such a cheap attempt at trying to appease people calling for representation. The moment with Lando and Jannah at the end was probably the most hopeful part of the movie and neither of them are lead characters

Idk. I know this is pretty negative. But I didn’t really enjoy this movie. Some parts were fun, or funny, or exciting, or emotional. But overall? No. This was not a satisfying conclusion for any of these characters, either the new or the old. They missed. Hard. Not one character was truly done justice. And it’s disappointing. But it’s over now and I have no intentions of letting it dictate my fandom activities. I’m just going to pretend it didn’t happen and call it a day

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twinkletoes-rp · 4 years ago

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6, 7, 19, 20, 30, 31, 32, 39, 40, 41, 43, 44, 45, 51 (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

Fanfiction Questions meme

6. List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in.

Oh, geez... I’ve been involved in so many fandoms, LOL. I don’t really know if I can/should name them all. I’ll give you the ones (ONLY OTPs - doesn’t mean I don’t ship other things, too) I can think of off the top of my head.

Kiba/Hinata (Naruto), Fakir/Ahiru (Princess Tutu), Stiles/Derek (Teen Wolf), Kirito/Lisbeth (Sword Art Online), Harry/Hermione (Harry Potter), Goku/Bulma (Dragon Ball), Yusuke/Botan (Yu Yu Hakusho), Todoroki/Izuku (BNHA), (better!)Bakugo/Uraraka (BNHA), Toph/Aang (ATLA), and Adrien/Marinette (Miraculous Ladybug)!

7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in.

(This isn’t meant to be hate on the ships I name! I just don’t ship them, that’s all! Ship and let ship! ;))

Naruto/Sasuke (Naruto), Kirito/Asuna (Sword Art Online), Ron/Hermione (Harry Potter), Harry/Ginny (Harry Potter), Goku/Chichi (Dragon Ball), Yusuke/Keiko (Yu Yu Hakusho), Bakugo/Izuku (BNHA), and Aang/Katara (ATLA).

19. Is there a ship (in your current fandom) which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them?

I’m not sure I have a ‘current fandom’ since I live for, like, everything at once, but maybe technically Naruto would be it?

In that case (again, no offense to anyone - and removing the ‘I wish I could get behind’ part ‘cause I do not), NaruSasu. I just...don’t get it? At all? Maybe it’s the ‘what could have been’s or whatever, but when you just take the series at face value, that relationship is...really icky, at least to me, and that’s putting it lightly. It’s so damn unhealthy, especially for poor Naruto. They were never even friends, Sasuke always treated him like shit, and yet...?! *throws hands at half+ of OG series and virtually all of Shippuden* IDK, man. Something’s weird there, and I don’t like it. Can’t support that. Naruto deserves better, damn it. (*casually links her Naruto AU fic where he DOES get better (in more ways than one), TYVM*)

20. Any ships (in your current fandom) which you surprised yourself by liking?

Going with Naruto again, so. Hmm... I guess maybe Kankuro/Tenten? I didn’t even know that was a ship until a friend showed me a really good fic, and I was hooked! lol.

Another might be KakaObi, but only in AUs where Obito survives the cave in and gets out with Kakashi and Rin and recovers, continuing to be the sweetheart he is instead of the ass he turned out to be in canon. Because he, too, deserved better, damn it!

Another is one I might have made up, not sure (mostly in the context of my Naruto AU, NGL), lol: Karin/Shikamaru! It makes sense and there are lots of compelling reasons when you break it down! You know, 'cause Shikamaru would need (or probs at least prefer) someone on his smarts level, and she's a genius, too, just in a different way. And once she mellows out, Karin's really cool, and (in my AU) she grows to eventually adore Naruto (actually fights to defend/protect him in the Pein arc!), and anyone who loves Naruto is good in Shikamaru's book! lol. Plus, she can tell him when he has his genius brain twisted in too many directions, tell him he's being an idiot and help him figure things out in her different way. lol. IDK, I like it!

30. What inspires you to write?

I just...love writing?? I’ve wanted to be an author since I was 8-9 years old, started writing when I was 11, and I’ve been writing ever since! I’m 27 now! I’ve had a few dry spells, ofc, but I always end up coming back! I just feel like writing is in my blood (partly because, I like to joke, my last name is the title of one of Shakespeare’s plays, haha)!

Pretty much anything can inspire me to write, though. I’ll see a pretty flower and be like “OOH, that flower could feature perfectly in this chapter in this way!” and then write 1k about that! lol. Or I could read a review of one of my new chapters and end up thinking of something I’d never considered before and then write almost 3k on that alone (looking at you, middle section of Ch 6 of my Naruto AU, lol)!

Basically, if it sparks joy, I’m gonna write something! X’D

31. What’s the nicest thing someone has ever said about your writing?

Nicest?? Hmm... I mean, I’ve had a lot of things said about my writing... Not sure I can really narrow it down? lol.

I guess the nicest things I’ve ever been told are when I make people cry (espec multiple times!) and actually feel the emotions the characters are feeling, that the characters and their development feel so real that it’s like they’re real people instead of fictional/they’re written so much better than the creator himself wrote them. (Been getting those a lot on my Naruto AU, actually. lol.)

32. Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which band or genre of music does it for you?

I tend to prefer silence while I write, but sometimes, my house is loud and people keep breaking my concentration (house of 5, lots of animals, not the quietest, lol), I sometimes listen to music. I usually prefer instrumental, and then usually Naruto or Wolf’s Rain (sometimes Princess Tutu, too) instrumental tracks. The Naruto one I like best also has rain sounds mixed in, which is great because I love the sound of rain! Woo! (Here’s a link to that one if anyone else wants in on this! ;))

39. What is your greatest strength as a writer?

Emotions and getting into the nitty-gritty stuff therein. As an extremely visual, emotional writer, I’ve always been able to feel the emotions of the characters pretty much exactly how they’re feeling it in the moment and then put it on paper. I also make people cry a lot with my writing and get them to feel what the characters do, so that’s awesome! It’s always my goal to get my readers to feel things because then I feel like they’ve really connected with the story and characters I’ve written!

40. What do you struggle the most with in your writing?

Transitions are dicks. Sometimes I struggle ‘cause it’s been, like, two seconds or five hours, and I don’t know how to show that, lol. If I can, espec with the last one, I just fade to black. lol.

Also, sometimes I feel like I use the same sentence structure a lot, mostly the ‘..., but...’ format (at least lately). It’s really annoying, and I worry my readers notice and get annoyed/think I suck because of it. lol.

41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading:

“All the ways I say ‘I love you’” by Leonardo_Charles_BlueWood_21 (Fandom: Ninjago)

“Paradise Lost” by AnchoredTether (Fandom: Voltron Legendary Defender (Zootopia-esque dark AU))

“where my armor ends” by dalniente (Fandom: She-Ra Princesses of Power)

“of cats and curses” by faerialchemist (Fandom: She-Ra Princesses of Power x Fruits Basket crossover)

“Mischief is its Own Reward” by dalniente (Fandom: Megamind)

43. Is there anyone in your fandom who really inspires you?

I don’t really read Naruto fanfic too much anymore, so like...I guess, technically, another main fandom of mine right now is Fruits Basket, so: without a doubt, @kyosohmastan ! They’re my absolute favorite Fruits Basket fanfic author! Everyone’s so in character, the writing is so sweet and feelsy, steamy when it needs to be, and I really love the writing itself - it’s just so well done and beautiful and I die happily when they post a new fic or chapter? Ahhh! Plus, they’re just so nice and talented in so many ways, we have the same opinions on certain things (like Kakeru Manabe is Too Much(TM) for us, haha, no offense to those who like him! lol.), and I just really, really feel blessed to know and read their fics! Love them so! <3

44. What ship do you feel needs more attention?

I’m not sure which ship this is talking about? Hmm... But a ship I definitely think (have always thought) needs more attention is Kirito/Lisbeth from Sword Art Online! It’s so slept on, and that is a damn fucking shame because they’re so healthy and sweet and have so much more amazing potential than they’re given credit for (way freaking more than the actual canon couple, just sayin’, no offense to anyone who likes the pairing)! I have written a good few metas (and a fanfic) on the subject (some/most of which are on my Lisbeth RP blog, actually, lol)! If anyone wants to discuss/RP/anything involving this ship, please let me know! Would love it!

45. What is your all time favourite fanfic?

I’m not sure I have a favorite fic. But one that I always come back to (all of her (mostly G1) My Little Pony fics, actually - first found them when I was, like, 12, and have kept rereading over and over through the years, haha) is A Mother in Her Eyes by LoveLikeElena on FFN. It takes place in the author’s own MLP universe, but I love said universe so much, and her takes on the characters are amazing and so sweet! I love her look at the serious subjects that follow the characters through her ongong MLP series! <3

51. Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go!

Fanfic readers have become really, really lazy. No one reviews anymore, maybe leave a kudos here and there if you’re lucky (I have a major love-hate (more hate) relationship with kudos...), and it’s so, so, so discouraging to us writers! I wish they knew how it felt, to be honest, espec the ones you know are reading, but just...don’t comment. It’s ridiculously disheartening to work so hard on something for days, weeks, even months or years on something, only to get basically nothing in return. It’s like posting into the void, and it sucks ass. It’s part of what made me quit writing for a good few years, actually, and I’m so sad to see that it’s still a thing. I comment on everything I read because I know how it feels and how much it hurt! It hurts like hell, especially because I remember how it used to be just 6-8 years ago when everyone commented! I desperately pray the fanfic/content consuming world fixes that really soon or we might lose some really amazing writers! Please, even an emoji or keyboard smash! I don’t care, I’ll take anything (and I know I’m not the only one)! <3

#answer #dancibayo

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eyesontheskyline · 5 years ago

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(about the whole fic writer asks, except those answered now) the story specific ones have to be about 'but if you really hold me tight' - I love all your cxg fics and it's the longest one :D) it's just I'm thinking of getting back to writing and since you're of my favorites authors out there now i'd love to get some insight. kudos for being cool about it!

Hello! Okay first of all thank you so much, that is a ridiculously big compliment and my face hurts. And yes yes yes you should definitely write if you feel like writing - just go for it! If you have any specific questions or you want a pep talk or whatever, message any time :)

Okay I’m gonna put these under a Read More because wall of text.

2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one?Right now only Crazy Ex Girlfriend. I wrote for Criminal Minds under a different name then had a gap of several years. I’m pretty far removed from CM now but I can safely say writing for CXG has been a nicer experience community wise (partly a smaller fandom thing and I suspect partly a demographic thing), and there’s more established character stuff to work with because all the character development isn’t like… Crammed in the five minutes they have to work with either side of the crime solving.

3) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.I don’t really do either, but reader inserts are kind of a squick of mine honestly, so I’m gonna say OCs. I’ve only written OC kids though.

4) What is your favourite genre to write for?I am not entirely sure what this means… Fic genre? Original media genre? I have only ever written romance or friendship stuff for TV shows, an odd balance of fluff and angst?

5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?Mmm let the sun inside has a special place in my heart because it was the thing that got me back into writing after a really long gap and turned out pretty much how I wanted it to. Writing it was just a very intense ‘I am writing again and my brain is on fire’ experience for me.

7) When is your preferred time to write?I would love to have a less dysfunctional answer to this, but probably between 1 and 4am unfortunately? That can’t be a thing on work nights because I get up at 6.30. If I can get myself on a roll early afternoon in a coffee shop though, that’s a better feeling. Just… Less common than ‘the rest of the world around me is asleep and my brain just woke up’.

8) Where do you take your inspiration from?Oh everywhere. The media I write fic about. The stories I read. My life, my friends. The world.

9) In but if you really hold me tight, what’s your favourite scene that you wrote?Oh god I really don’t know. This story is really hard for me to have perspective on because of the ridiculously time pressured way I wrote and published it. I’m probably proudest of chapter 12, where they discuss the ‘do we want a baby’ question properly, because that just… Is an important conversation that you don’t really see in media? I’m not sure it’s the best writing in the story, but I’m glad I didn’t chicken out of it. I also enjoyed writing Rebecca meeting Plimpton Senior in chapter 19, because that feels like an opportunity the show missed and I will never see enough versions of it in fic honestly. (Do you have a favourite?)

10) In but if you really hold me tight, why did you decide to end it like that? Did you have an alternative ending in mind?That one was pretty much always going to end where it did – just because of the format, it was always going to end in a fluffy happy place around midnight on the 1st of January 2021. The last chapter was going to be longer originally, with more characters getting a moment, but it was just getting kind of unfocused – Rebecca POV can handle tone shifts pretty well I think because of the way her brain is wired, but at some point it all just got a bit messy so I pared it back. I think I’m pleased with how it turned out, but the chaos of writing it is still fresh enough that it’s hard to tell!

11) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?Nah, but I’ve fixed typos (thank you @what-the-elle-n!)

13) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why?I find Valencia and Paula pretty difficult. I love them, but I struggle.

14) How did you come up with the title - You can ask about multiple stories.(Since it says multiple and since I only have 3 currently…) Everything I’ve published for CXG so far has had song lyric titles – mostly because I am not good at poetic turns of phrase, and I like lyricists who are. (I’m also not a particularly romantic person, and I like lyricists who are!)

let the sun inside is from Ribcage by elbow. The full line is ‘I wanted to explode – to pull my ribs apart and let the sun inside’, which feels to me like that feeling of having bottled everything up for so long that you just can’t feel anything anymore until you kind of break down and come out the other side? And Rebecca = sunshine, so. That is basically the premise of the story, so that was a stroke of luck.

the landing light is from K2 by elbow (I swear I listen to other music, they just have words that really lend themselves to fanfic titles lol). I have a whole meta thing written to publish alongside the last chapter about why this song for this story, but basically the line is ‘Dickhead’s done a runner and he’s wondering if anyone cares – is the landing light on?’ which is just someone far from home feeling a bit stupid and homesick and wondering if there’s anybody waiting at home for him. And of course Nathaniel comes home to a totally miserable situation and there Rebecca is.

but if you really hold me tight… It had to be a lyric from a Christmas song, preferably one Frank Sinatra sang at some point, because that was the playlist I started listening to in mid-October while outlining this madness. So it’s from Let It Snow, obviously, although that exact line is not in that version, ssshhhhhh (he sings ‘but if you’ll only hold me tight’). I chose it because R&N being a team and getting through stuff together in a mostly-fluff-but-not-entirely way was kind of what I was aiming for, and it just felt like it fit.

15) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?I kind of have an OC coming up in a story I’m writing now, and I just… Knew who named them, and tried to choose a name those people would choose. I don’t really do OCs much in fic, but in not-fic (it’s been a while!) I try to go for a name that (1) means something, and importantly (2) I can imagine their parents having named them.

16) How did you come up with the idea for but if you really hold me tight?So a writer I used to read a lot from the Criminal Minds fandom did a Christmas fic a couple of years in a row – one short, mostly fluffy chapter for each day from the 1st-25th of December. So that was the plan. Except as soon as I started outlining it, I knew I couldn’t write an entire month fluffy and problem-free for these two (for anyone, but especially these two), so short and fluffy didn’t stick!

17) Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on.“I’ve gotten better at a lot of things since you’ve been away, but my self-deception skills have taken a real hit.”

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?Yeah, I abandoned a few Criminal Minds fics. I still feel bad about them actually – I get comments on them occasionally. (On the offchance anyone reading this is someone who feels nervous about commenting on old stories – these delight me in ways you cannot imagine.) I ran out of steam in a lot of ways – I started them without any real idea where I was going and wrote myself into a corner, mostly, but also I was starting to really struggle to write unprompted. I am not the most mentally well person, and I just got my brain into this spirally tangle where I thought nobody wanted to read anything they hadn’t asked for, so I filled a lot of prompts but couldn’t convince myself to write anything else. It feels really weird to think about that now, which I guess is a good sign…

19) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?I toy with following the emotional arc of S4 but following let the sun inside sometimes – that was the plan, when I originally finished it and was panicking that I would never get another idea. Also, but if you really hold me tight created a world of warm domesticity for R&N that I felt really sad leaving behind, so I would probably like to write in the timeline again. And the landing light might get a oneshot sequel, depending on whether I end it the way I think I’m going to or the way I was originally planning to…

20) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?No, not in this fandom. I’ve only written two endings though! I’ve ended on some real cheeseball final lines in the past though.

21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?@heartbash, who can do plot and slow-burn in a way my impatient ass will never be capable of. @justwanted2dance who deserves a million flame emojis and writes BDSM stuff in a way that makes my anxious brain comfy enough to enjoy it (literally nobody else has achieved this). @pictureofsoph1sticatedgrace who writes the loveliest fluff and is a badass individual. @notbang and @anthropologicalhands and @catty-words and @akisazame and @romansuzume who write beautifully and can do those poetic turns of phrase I am not good at. I’ve got to be forgetting someone but wowww there is so much talent and creativity in this lil room. So many people to be inspired by.

22) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?God yes, but not in this fandom. It’s fine, 19 or 20 year old me, you were learning.

23) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?Silence. Or like white noise or the Hufflepuff Common Room 10 hour ASMR video on youtube or something lol. Anything with words just ruins me – my attention span is laughable.

25) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?Ha yes actually, but I’m really not entirely sure why. Sometimes my brain is just a really weird place to be.

26) Which part of but if you really hold me tight was the hardest to write?It depends how you measure hardest, I guess. Several of the smut scenes just said ‘[insert sex]’ for the longest time, sometimes with descriptions? So like ‘[insert feelingsy sex]’ or whatever lol. In terms of getting voices right (like to the point of still being unsure whether it’s any good), this gurl group chapter.

27) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?It really depends. Usually I know roughly where I’m going and how I’m getting there and that’s good enough for me, but my NaNo fic got an outline because of the format and timescale. And I’m planning a thing with an actual plot arc (gasp!) so that’s getting an outline, in the hope of making it look vaguely romance novel shaped. Basically it depends on the length of the thing for me, and how plotty it is.

28) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction?Writing advice: if you’re struggling to move past a particular point, the thing you need to change is probably a few lines back. It’s rarely the last line that painted you into the corner. If you think something needs to come out, paste it into an outtakes document – you might want to put it somewhere else later, or salvage lines from it or whatever, and it’s just easier to let go if you’re not actually hitting delete.

Posting advice: remember fandom is community – everyone is here because they love the thing you love. They’re gonna be excited there’s a new story to read, and they’re rooting for you! (Write the thing!)

29) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?Nahh I mean, it’s a smaallll fandom.

30) In contrast to 29 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?Again, smaaalll. (Also I try not to publicly eye roll at things other people love even if they are my things – there’s nothing quite like loving a song just for the band to be like ‘ugh I fucking hate that song’, so I always try to keep that in mind.)

31) Send me a fic recommendation and I’ll post it for my followers to see! (The asker is to send the rec not the answerer)You did not send me a rec! Feel free to send me one now! In fact, open call, everyone send me fic recs, even if I’ve definitely read them.

32) Are any of your characters based on real people?Mm no I don’t do OCs.

33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?I mean, I enjoyed hearing that someone read my story in the corner at a party lol, especially because it was a chapter I was pretty pleased with and nervous about. Also any time anybody says something I wrote is a headcanon or ‘this should have happened in the show’ is a glittery feeling. When somebody notices a little clue or detail that isn’t obvious, it makes me ridiculously happy. Humans reading my thing then saying something about it is still crazy, so, yeah.

34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?Story time: my old fandom has this one character who has a lot of pretty hardcore stans. I mostly dislike the word stan but like… Yeah. So anyway, I got an email saying I had a new comment on my ficlet collection (keeping in mind I was in my ‘very unhealthy relationship with feedback’ stage at this point), and clicked on it all happy, and all it said was ‘I didn’t read this because another comment said it doesn’t contain enough *stanned character* and you really should warn people upfront that he isn’t gonna be in it, I’m glad I didn’t waste my time on it’. Which was just… A bizarre comment. Like, commenting to say you didn’t read the thing is weird in itself, but also you list the characters who are in the thing, not all the ones who aren’t?? Anyway, I then went on my tumblr and I had several anon messages that were just straight up hate along the same lines and… Yeah. The Criminal Minds fandom was a strange place. On a related note, have I told you today that I love you, CXG people? I love you.

35) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?I am basically always up with talking stuff through with people.

36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s?This is actually difficult to do right now. There’s a baby?

37) What’s the funniest story you’ve written?I mean, I made myself laugh a couple of times in my festive fic, but I’m more of a ‘this one line is funny’ writer than a ‘this story is funny’ writer. I’m too angsty!

38) If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be? (Perhaps this question will inspire some collabs!) If you’re shy, don’t tag the blog, just name it.This question is faaar too terrifying. I’ve actually never collabed with anyone, I’d love to though.

39) Do you prefer first, second or third person?Third. I think because I’ve only written for TV shows, no matter how closely you’re following one character, if you’re seeing them on a screen, you’re in third person. So it’s just an extra struggle to make that jump to another POV for me. I have written my not-fanfic mostly in first though, and I’ve read some lovely fic in first and second. I’m just not good at it.

40) Do people know you write fanfiction?One person.

41) What’s your favourite minor character you’ve written?Hmmmm who is minor, really? I find AJ difficult but fun.

43) Has anyone ever guessed the plot twist of one of your fics before you posted it?I don’t write anything plotty enough for this to be a thing!

44) What is the last line you wrote?“Mm, because you know how irresistible your weird old timey voices are.”

45) What spurs you on during the writing process?I want people to read the thing, honestly. It’s a ‘reach out my lonely haaand’ moment with a little less melodrama. I want it to be out in the world doing what it’s meant to do. I also want it to be finished so I can read it – I get a very particular kind of happy feeling from reading a good sentence I wrote.

46) I really loved but if you really hold me tight. If you were ever to do a sequel, what do you think might happen in it?Lol it felt really weird to type that in there when you didn’t actually say it directly, but you said all so here we are! I’m just gonna take that compliment even though I wrote it… When I started coming to the end of writing that story, I started to feel really sad about leaving behind the warm domestic feel of it, so if I ever feel more domestic fluff coming on, probably it’ll be set after that.

47) Here’s a fic title - insert a made up title. What would this story be about?You did not insert a made up title! Although insert a made up title has potential for Rebecca hounding everyone she knows to help her title a song she wrote.

48) What’s your favourite trope to write?Is ‘let’s have an actual conversation about this’ a trope because that’s my brand so far! I haven’t written anything particularly tropey, I don’t think, although the pull of ‘omg there was only one bed’ is strong right now!

49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?Yes! It was a Criminal Minds fic, Hotch/Prentiss, canon compliant (ish) missing scenes kind of deal. I can’t remember the first CXG fic I read, which is ridiculous because it was a lot more recent. I started writing CXG fic before I started looking for it, because I hadn’t been inspired to write in so long that I didn’t want to scare myself away. I read some before publishing, but I can’t remember where I started.

50) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?I can only dream of being mentally stable enough to have a consistent answer to this lol. Angst comes more naturally to me, but writing angsty characters into happy situations is one of the ways I make sense of the world, so… Fluff, maybe, as long as I can keep the characters screwed up, because they just… Are. And like, same.

#anon #ask meme #aggressively writes fanfiction

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cinematicnomad · 5 years ago

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20 and 22!

020. tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?) oh no. do i have any?? i’ll talk about taste your beating heart bc i worked on it the longest and i have a SIXTY-FOUR page outline that i can look through if needed (it starts off with like...3 bullet points under chapter one and then 10 pages of bullet points for the epilogue).

okay so there’s a lot about that fic i’m proud of, but probably i’m proudest of the development of scott and stiles’ friendship over the course of the fic? bc, look, scott as a character doesn’t interest me (characters who are presented as inherently morally good with only external conflicts Do Not Interest me), and when i started the fic it was definitely just supposed to be a sterek-centric fic. but it had a lot to do with stiles’ isolation after their sacrifice in s3A and i had to write about why he was dealing with it alone when scott and allison went through the same thing. and at first i was like, whatever i’ll just mention that they don’t know what’s happening and be done with it, but then over the years (bc again...this fic took me SEVEN YEARS to write!!) i got interested in writing about how their relationship evolved and how scott felt about what was happening with stiles and derek etc.

so i went back and edited in a bunch of scenes and dialogue and asides that weren’t there originally to really explore how distressing it can be to have your relationship change? and how sometimes you can objectively know something is an intention-neutral action and still feel hurt by it, etc etc. and i wound up writing a lot of scenes of stiles being very aware of his own mistakes and to portray how scott is genuinely trying to be there for stiles and how sometimes you just can’t ... stop things from changing? bc that’s just inherent to life?

so like, the fic on it’s face is about derek and stiles falling in love and becoming a pack with the sheriff while solving the central mystery in beacon hills, but it’s also about scott and stiles’ friendship changing and evolving and maturing.

and every now and then i get a comment from someone who thinks i should tag the fic with ‘bad friend scott mccall’ but i’ve resisted that advice bc i don’t think scott is a bad friend in this fic, and i don’t think i wrote him as a bad friend. they’re just taking different paths and learning how to grow together. and my FAVORITE comments are when people recognize that and say how much they appreciated or loved or enjoyed seeing how scott and stiles’ dynamic matures over the course of the fic.

like one of my favorite comments on the fic came from someone who said:

I loved how the story stressed about no one being the real culprit of anything...no one really being the bad. Isaac wasn't a bad guy for stepping in between Stiles and Scott's time, Allison either. Scott wasn't a bad guy for paying attention to other people and Stiles wasn't a bad guy for wanting to approach things on his own. Everything was just circumstantial. They were teenagers who made mistakes but they weren't inherently bad. And I found it like a fresh gulp of air, something new from the usual approach this kind of situation have in other fics.

basically this was just a long rant of me explaining why i refuse to tag TYBH w/ the bad friend tag lol

022. do you reread your old works? how do you feel about them? umm i re-read them sometimes. usually not all of it, but like, snippets that i remember liking? like for taste your beating heart i’ve re-read chapter 17 a couple times bc it’s the big climax where everything finally came together like i planned so it feels like proof that i accomplished something lol.

and i’ve LISTENED to my jessica pearson POV fic about harvey and mike, smoke and mirrors, a lot over the years bc TheArcher on AO3 recorded it as a podfic!! she’s so talented and sometimes i listen to it and can’t believe i wrote that. (for real: if anyone ever, ever, EVER wants to make a podfic of one of my fics PLEASE YOU ARE WELCOME I WILL WELCOME IT)

but i can’t re-read my work until i’ve given myself some time and space after writing it. if i try to go back and re-read it too soon after writing it i’m mostly just...totally mortified by myself and find everything embarrassing. there was a like a week between me finishing up my draft of take my hand (take my everything) and when @crazyassmurdererwall beta’d it and i finally re-read it to edit before posting. every time i tried to go back and read it during that week i got like a paragraph in before i switched tabs.

fun meta asks for writers

#ask #fuhrmana #that was a v long ramble #at first i couldn't think of anything to say #and then i thought of scott #like i know i for sure lost a reader of TYBH at one point #bc they'd been commenting on every chapter and stopped around the mid-point after scott and stiles have their huge fight #and they were upset with how i depicted derek's reaction to the fight or something #and i defended myself and then they came back with a shitty reply that i saw over email but they deleted before i could reply #and they never left a comment again #so i don't know if they ever saw the ending of the fic and how i brought scott and stiles back together again #i hope they did #but i'm okay if they didn't bc i don't need people trying to claim TYBH was a scott-bashing fic or whatever bc i worked sooo hard at treati #and presenting everyone in a balanced light #and trying to write how STILES would perceive things even though half the time i totally disagree with him #taste your beating heart #take my hand (take my everything)#about kat writes

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boyfriem-moved · 6 years ago

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the foxhole court bad

(aka the eden’s twilight chapter is gross, the thanksgiving chapter is also gross, andriel is an abusive ship, and nicky and andrew are two terrible people being terrible to each other, a passionate essay by a dude who’s real sick and tired of this garbage)

I was gonna try to reread the whole series so I could factually and definitively prove that tfc sucks once and for all but after 2 chapters I concluded that reading it again was killing my last 3 brain cells, so I stuck with rereading the worst two chapters and gathering a few other moments I thought were noteworthy, and we’re just gonna have to go from there. I’m gonna discuss a bunch of stuff so I’m putting the entire meta under the cut. Also! If you have no idea what tfc is and follow me for other reasons but are intrigued by my hatred I doubt you could get through this whole thing without being bored. I’ve made a couple short posts saying what’s wrong with tfc, most recently this one here, which you could read instead of this long ass mess.

If you know nothing about tfc and still wanna read, trigger warning for mentions of drug abuse, rape, physical abuse, emotional/psychological abuse, sexual abuse (both of children and adults... well of one adult who was once a child), actually. all abuse. just. don’t read if you’re triggered by any general categories of abuse

You still here? So sorry about that. Now let’s get going!

I can’t deny that there’s some sort of appeal to tfc. “Sports team for fucked up weirdos” is an interesting concept and one that can draw you in, if it’s done well. But Nora Sakavic thrives on shock value and can’t write to save her life, so it’s not done well. It’s done very, very badly. Now I’m not here to complain about the terrible writing (even though I could, believe me). I’m here to complain about how Nora writes like she gets into tumblr discourse with teenagers and makes anti blocklists. So we’ll just go in chronological order, because I think it makes the most sense that way.

Eden’s Twilight

Up until the Eden’s Twilight chapter, the bad parts are more or less excusable. Andrew is...being Andrew, but the book has just begun, and as long as he doesn’t get any worse he’s bound to have some character development soon (which ha funny joke but we’re hopeful, the night’s still young). Nicky is likable and seemingly the good guy who’s said maybe a couple iffy things, Aaron isn’t noteworthy (and boy does he stay that way), and we haven’t seen much of Kevin’s “fun alcoholism” yet.

And then there’s Eden’s Twilight. The setup to the chapter has a couple interesting moments, most notably Nicky pushing Neil to take out his contacts despite the knowledge that it makes him deeply uncomfortable because everyone just bends to the fucking whim of Andrew apparently (a running theme that I’ll get to later) and a gross bit of setup where Nicky comes onto Neil and Andrew threatens to kill him.

“...his happy expression faltered when he got a good look at Neil. “Oh man. Neil, you clean up good. Can I say that, or is that against the rules? Just--damn. Aaron, don’t let me get too drunk tonight.” (tfc pg 129)

(Nicky is an adult with a fiancee who he allegedly loves. Neil is 18. Just in case anyone’s forgotten.)

Then they go and buy some drugs! Nora shows a worrying misunderstanding of how drug withdrawal works (Nora do even one ounce of research for your shitty book please ma’am I’m begging you) and they buy some drugs with vague side effects (I have no idea if the stuff they take is based off real world drugs and I’d rather not find out) in a scene that seems unrealistic but I couldn’t tell you for sure (never bought drugs. not about to ask the people in my life who have.). They buy their drugs, Andrew takes some drugs, Nora continues to know nothing about withdrawal, they go to a nightclub! The night is still young!

And now comes the big problem area.

Their nightclub adventures begin with a complicit bartender who says, “Back so soon, Andrew? Who’s your newest victim?” (tfc pg 133). On a later page it’s established that the bartender was spiking Neil’s drinks and fully aware of everything the siblings planned to do (as is routine with them? apparently?) so. Fun guy.

They do some drugs, drink some alcohol. Neil refuses to do both. Andrew and Nicky are adamant about him doing drugs with them, but he refuses, so they concede.

“Drink with us if you won’t dust with us,” Nicky said, holding his open packet in one hand and his shot in the other.

And Neil does. Because there’s no reason not to, really. Andrew’s gang accepted it when he said he didn’t drink. They’ve so far not forced him to do anything he doesn’t want to. He watched the bartender pour his drink. He has no reason to suspect he won’t be fine.

So, of course, his drink is drugged, and Andrew, Aaron, and Nicky hold him down as he tries to run away. The twins force him onto the dance floor, then leave him with Nicky, reigning defender for World’s Most Predatory Man.

“Bodies and lights blurred around him, making Neil nauseous. He clawed bloody lines down Nicky’s arm as he fought to get free. Nicky didn’t let go until they’d reached the middle of the dance floor. He pulled Neil up against him and caught Neil’s chin in his fingers to force his head back. Nicky’s kiss was harder than Neil expected it to be, and there was more than just tongue in it. Beneath the burn of vodka Nicky shared with him was the sweet tang of cracker dust. Neil didn’t mean to swallow, but it hurt too much to hold it in his mouth. “This is how the game goes,” Nicky said against his lips. “Stop fighting if you want to survive.” (tfc pg 136)

Nicky is a good guy of the story. Not only that, he’s a fan favorite character. This isn’t even a chapter people gloss over to glorify their faves, either. People often point to this chapter and the surrounding scenes as one of the series’ most iconic moments. Neil’s night ends with him paying a bartender to knock him unconscious to put an end to the drugged abuse, which can be found near the top of pretty much everyone’s “top ten iconic Neil Josten moments” lists. This scene is fucking disgusting. He’s forcefully assaulted, allowed and encouraged by Andrew, who’s supposedly the force keeping Nicky in line, and who told him earlier in the chapter not to try anything. Aaron and Kevin are complicit in this, as is the bartender. As are the rest of the team members and Coach Wymack, even if it’s to a far lesser extent, because though they’re horrified that Andrew and his gang brought Neil to the club, they’re not surprised. For people who seemed to know it was coming, they did an awfully lax job of keeping Neil safe though they claim that’s their top priority, and Wymack hardly reprimands Andrew. And no one even shifts blame towards Nicky, despite the fact that he’s the worst person here out of all of them.

People tend to ignore Nicky in general when it comes to how bad of people all these characters are. Which is weird, because Nicky is a horrific predator, and this scene can’t be excused. Though he never assaults Neil again, he continues to be interested in him up until his lackluster apology (which, by the way, does not excuse his actions in this chapter so fuck off if you’re gonna say it does), and it’s pretty clearly implied that he only stops flirting uncomfortably with Neil (who, side note, is still barely not a child) because Andrew forces him to, and not because of any personal growth.

This should be the end of my explanation of why these books are terrible. Writing a scene like this, in which the assaulters are the good guys of the story and will, throughout the next three books, improve as people by exactly 0%, is reprehensible. There’s no coming back from that. But some of you obviously disagree, so let’s keep going.

There’s more scenes like this, one in particular, but I’m gonna talk about it later. My point is just that “token gay character is a blatant predator” is not a good look, especially when written by a straight woman.

Thanksgiving

Nora Sakavic would not know how to write a rape victim if one punched her in the face and told her she was a horrible writer. I wish I didn’t have to say more. But I obviously do, so let’s go.

(as always: necessary disclaimer that I am not a csa survivor and if anyone out there is and disagrees with me I’m more than willing to hear you out, however, i don’t think it takes one to tell that Nora Sakavic is a Fraud And Hack)

This one wasn’t quite as hard to reread as the Eden’s Twilight chapter, probably because even though the acts are worse, it doesn’t have a bad message overall. The rapist is, thank god, the bad guy in this one.

It does, however, have problems. Because Nora is still unable to write about serious issues without incorporating scenes purely for the purpose of shock value.

Like, y’all, it’s really not hard to say “this character was raped as a child and has problems with consent and intimacy because of it”. You don’t need to bring the rapist into the story and have them rape the character again only for the main characters to walk in on it and kill the rapist with a lacrosse racket.

Oh yeah, spoilers, that’s exactly what happens.

The chapter starts out fine. If anything, it’s tame for a chapter of a book out of The World’s Most Unnecessarily Over The Top Book Series.

The basic setup is: Nicky’s parents have invited him and the twins home for Thanksgiving after being estranged for 5 years. Andrew refuses to go. He won’t tell anyone why, but after a talk with him Neil learns that it’s because he was raped by his stepbrother and when he confided in Nicky’s dad about it, Nicky’s dad told him it was a misunderstanding.

Y’all know what that is? Perfectly fucking adequate writing. We learn this thing about Andrew’s past. He has, for probably the only time in this entire series, adequate motivation to do something. But Ms. Sakavic, known Fraud And Hack, said fuck that. We need more. We need to really know what Andrew went through. “Like in a longer conversation sequence?” Someone sensible asked. Nora shook her head. “Like in the second worst scene I have ever written because I am a Fraud And Hack.”

So they go to Nicky’s house for Thanksgiving! This also gives Nora a chance to remind us all that she is a straight woman and Nicky is a gay stereotype. Andrew is on edge the entire time, but Neil manages to keep him under control for the most part. Then we learn that Nicky’s dad invited Andrew’s rapist ex-stepbrother to the house. And than they’re upstairs together. Alone.

So y’know, Neil and Aaron run upstairs, break down the door, there’s a page and a half of description of the scene of Andrew about to get raped before their very eyes, Aaron kills the rapist with a lacrosse stick (exy stick, whatever), and scene. I’m not gonna quote this one, because I don’t wanna make anyone read it, but it runs roughly from page 215-220 of The Raven King if you wanna see for yourself. Highly recommend against it. It’s nasty.

This is a chapter that goes from 0-100 in pretty much too seconds. Someone should probably tell Nora that forcing Andrew to have dinner with the man who discredited his rape is enough digging up of his traumatic past. We don’t need to go deeper. She can stop now. She should stop now. We know Andrew’s history of csa at this point. If Nora thought that wasn’t enough, there are a million ways she could go more in depth without doing this. This scene doesn’t even go more in depth. In terms of advancements in the story, all that happens is that Aaron, Kevin, and Nicky find out about Andrew’s past (something that could have happened in so many different ways) and Aaron kills a man (which doesn’t actually matter because it takes no toll on him and is never mentioned again because nora is a fraud and hack). I was appalled and horrified the first time I read it, and rightly so, because that’s it’s only purpose.

And putting a rape scene in a book for the sole purpose of shocking your readers is just a nasty thing to do.

Bonus Point: Riko Moriyama Is An Evil Monster And That’s Bad Even If He Is The Villain

Riko’s an evil monster! Yeah! Obviously! We’re glad he died! He sucks! But...he’s a very badly written evil monster, and I don’t feel like unpacking all of him, but I just want to point to a couple scenes towards the end of The Raven King real quick since they fit with the whole “Nora don’t write about rape like this” theme.

I’m not gonna quote this one either because it’s Real Gross. But basically, Riko convinces Neil to spend winter break with him by telling him that he arranged for Andrew to get raped over Thanksgiving, and that if Neil doesn’t comply with his terms, he’s paid off one of the doctors at the psych ward Andrew is staying in and will get that doctor to rape him again.

So that didn’t...need to happen. It’s quite frankly disgusting that Nora wrote all this (the language in this scene is very explicit). It’s disgusting that she couldn’t think of any other way to portray her villain as evil. This is bad writing. Riko doesn’t need to be cartoonishly villainous. It’s unnecessary, it’s over the top, and it’s sickening to read.

Also? That scene at the end of The Raven King where Riko handcuffs Neil to the bed and like...stabs him and it’s never said he rapes him but he definitely rapes him because Nora’s predatory subtext is more obvious than a slap in the face? That didn’t need to happen either.

Andriel is a terrible ship, Nora you FRAUD AND HACK

So Andrew and Neil get together in the last book, because every series written by a straight woman needs a super unhealthy gay relationship for fangirls to call cute.

(This one is...weird because a lot of the fanbase are gay themselves, but I’ve heard there’s gay people who like the captive prince too so. i guess it just be like that sometimes.)

I don’t have time to comb through the entire book looking through problematic moments, and I wouldn’t want to. I’m just gonna grab a couple noteworthy scenes in what I hope will make an adequate outline of this fucked up relationship.

The Foxhole Court starts by setting up a running theme of Everyone Disrespecting Neil’s Boundaries All The Time with Wymack, Andrew, and Kevin coming to his high school and refusing to leave until he agrees to sign on with their Not Lacrosse team. His first meeting with Andrew is when Andrew hits him with a lacrosse racket to forcibly stop him from leaving the locker room, a pretty good encapsulation of the sort of person Andrew is. They spent the next three books allegedly falling in love.

Neil establishes boundaries. Andrew breaks them.

“I don’t need to be persuasive,” Andrew said, putting a hand to Neil’s chest as the elevator slowed to a stop. “You’ll just learn to do what I say.”

This is on page 33 of tfc, during their second meeting. Andrew establishes that he’s controlling and manipulative pretty damn early.

A list of other “romantic and iconic” Andriel moments include:

Andrew breaks into Neil’s room and goes through his belongings

Andrew drugs Neil and allows Nicky to assault him (after threatening to kill Nicky if he tried anything??) because he doesn’t trust him

Andrew uses threats of sharing personal information to force Neil to tell him secrets

Andrew is repeatedly physically violent (their first meeting, beating him up at Eden’s Twilight)

Andrew tells Neil’s secrets to the team psychiatrist, knowing full well it’s a betrayal of Neil’s trust

Andrew delights in Neil’s fear and goes out of his way for most of tfc to make him fear for his safety

Andrew didn’t look at Wymack. “Neil wants to come with me.” A day ago, those words might have been an order or a threat, but today Neil heard only truth. He’d chosen the Foxes. He’d chosen to trust Andrew, whatever that meant and whatever consequences it brought down the road. (tfc pg. 152)

After that quote the moments are harder to spot (read: I reread less of trk and none of tkm so I don’t have any bookmarks to turn to), but they are still there. The last moment there is from trk, so the abuse doesn’t stop, I’m just too exhausted to keep looking.

And let me be clear, that quote is barely consent. Andrew physically and psychologically abuses Neil into the position he’s in when he surrenders and sides with Andrew on page 152. This scene takes place right after Eden’s Twilight, and above all of what went down there, Neil has just been forced into telling Andrew more personal information than he’s ever told anyone. After a night of abuse he feels trapped, like resistance is futile, so he gives in. Saying he wants to be part of Andrew’s crew doesn’t count as consent when his hand is being forced.

Even though scenes towards the end of the series show Neil beginning to learn how to control Andrew and the two of them coming to stand on a more level ground, their relationship is one built on abuse and violence, and it’s important not to forget that. It’s unrealistic that Neil would come to trust Andrew, honestly. And having the abusive, more mature character give Neil his first ever relationship and teach him that he’s gay (or bi, or whatever he is) is not a good look. Especially when this book has everything else I’ve already mentioned. Especially when Nora is, once again, a grown ass straight woman.

Nicky And Andrew Are Two Terrible People Being Terrible To Each Other And Actually I Hate Both Of Them

So Nicky’s predatory and Andrew is violent and their relationship is as unhealthy as can get. Andrew’s relationships with Nicky and Aaron are both unhealthy, but Aaron’s much less so, so I’m just gonna get into Nicky today because I’ve been writing for almost 3 hours and I kinda wanna die right about now.

We’ve already established that I don’t like either of them. But let me be clear, it takes a lot for me to admit that Andrew “knives hidden up my sleeves” Minyard is right in any situation. And yet, in pretty much any situation where he threatens Nicky, it’s easy to see him as the good guy, at least up until a certain point.

Andrew is a bad person. He’s violent and manipulative and has no regard for people’s boundaries. Nicky is arguably worse, painting himself as the peacemaker while being horrifically predatory.

(A point on Nicky: Nora spends pretty much all of the first book showing Nicky as predatory, then abandons it entirely for the next two books, making it easy to forget the kind of person he is. Just because the predatory behavior stops doesn’t excuse it. Just because Nora thinks one lousy apology makes Nicky a good person suddenly, doesn’t mean it does.)

I��m gonna paste in a pretty massive chunk of text from the foxhole court, but I think it’s all important, so bear with me.

“Andrew is scary territorial of him. He punched me the first time I said I’d like to get Kevin too wasted to be straight.” Nicky pointed at his face, presumably where Andrew had decked him. “So yeah, I’m going to crush on safer targets until Andrew gets bored of him. That means you, since Matt’s taken and I don’t hate myself enough to try Seth. Congrats.” “Can you take the creepy down a level?” Aaron asked. “What?” Nicky asked. “He said he doesn’t swing, so obviously he needs a push.” ... “Nicky’s scheming to rape Neil,” Aaron said. “There are a couple flaws in his plan he needs to work out first, but he’ll get there sooner or later.” “You’re such an asshole,” Nicky said as he started for the door. “Wow, Nicky,” Andrew said. “You start early.” “Can you really blame me?” ... Andrew caught Nicky’s jersey in one hand and threw him hard up against the wall... “Hey Nicky,” Andrew said in stage-whisper German. “Don’t touch him, you understand?” “You know I’d never hurt him. If he says yes-” “I said no.” Jesus, you’re greedy,” Nicky said. “You already have Kevin, what does it-” He went silent, but it took Neil a moment to realize why. Andrew had a short knife pressed to Nicky’s jersey...Neil knew Andrew meant it. If Nicky so much as breathed wrong right now, Andrew would cut his lungs to ribbons, any and all consequences be damned.

So there’s a lot to unpack there. I loose Andrew at the point where he’s ready to murder, but though he’s extreme as fuck, it’s not like he’s unjustified. We learn later from his backstory why he’s so extreme in shutting down any behavior he sees predatory, and rightfully so. (Even though there’s still Eden’s Twilight soon after this... it’s Nora’s incompetent writing isn’t it.) Nicky is a creep. He’s an adult. He has a fiance. And he’s talking about how he’s going to coerce a teenager into having sex with him because he won’t tell him his sexuality.

He says he wouldn’t do anything without consent, but we know that’s not true. He’s just saying what Andrew wants to hear.

And as for Andrew, though his violence is excused by backstory and mental problems, it’s a big fucking deal. He nearly killed his cousin, who we know he feels at least some sort of fondness for, because it’s established at this point that the reason he’s so heavily medicated is for attacking men who threatened Nicky. Would he regret it later? It’s impossible to say. He killed Aaron’s mom and assumed Aaron would be grateful. He’s threatened or attacked pretty much every member of the Not Lacrosse team. And I honestly don’t know what Nora is trying to tell us about him. He gets tamer once he’s permanently off his medication, but he was violent before it. I suppose that’s because by then Neil has learned how to calm him down, but is that the message? Abuse a boy into hanging out with you and eventually he’ll be a boyfriend who knows how to deal with you?

Nicky is a predator and Andrew is a violent abuser and neither of them are the good guys and that’s the only conclusion I can possibly draw from the way they’re written.

Assorted noteworthy moments that didn’t fit into any larger part:

the part in trk where Nicky’s parents are homophobic and he tells them he loves his fiance and this is the moment that’s supposed to make us sympathize with him? “The sexual predator has homophobic Christian parents feel sad for him” nice try Nora but he’s not getting shit in the way of sympathy from me, your straight is showing

the part in tfc when Seth says the f-slur is bad because uh. Nora that’s not your word to say

bonus Nicky is predatory bit: Nicky waggled a hand at Aaron. “Quick, have we said anything totally incriminating these past few months?” “Aside from your endless inappropriate comments about what you’d like to do to [Neil], I don’t think so.” (tfc pg 239)

Kevin is also manipulative! I felt like covering it would be a bit of a rehash of Andrew and this was getting really long but he continually uses exy as leverage to get Neil to do things he feels will put him in danger the same way Andrew uses threats of sharing his secrets.

bonus bonus Nicky is predatory bit (I’m discovering more and more as I go): Nicky’s stare was appreciative when Neil returned, but for once he kept his mouth shut. (tfc pg 243) Is this supposed to be character growth? Being predatory without explicitly saying anything is barely better Nora!! (Side note, in this same scene Nicky does make a comment about Neil jacking off in the bathroom stall which? Seems kinda bad considering everything else with him?)

I didn’t touch on it very much because no one cares about it and it’s way harder to convince people poor writing about drug abuse is bad than poor writing about sexual assault is bad (even though it shouldn’t be, and i could have tried both but again. long post) but Nora’s attitude to drugs and alcohol is bad. Every character and their mom is addicted to something, with Kevin and Andrew being the most obvious touched on (also Seth but I don’t think anyone cares about him), and Nora’s attitude towards writing it is quite frankly disgusting. She’s offensively misinformed and it pisses me off to no end. But that’s a rant for another day.

Every sex scene between Neil and Andrew is gross. (I think there’s two of them from what I remember? At least two, maybe more.) I googled plenty and I couldn’t find Nora’s age anywhere, but I know for a fact that she’s an adult, and I also know the series took her 13 years to write, so I’m fairly sure she’s at least in her 30s.

I know I said I wasn’t gonna complain about bad writing but. It’s so bad y’all, and I honestly think it gets worse as the books go along. Every time Neil monologued it took a year off my life.

So yeah. There’s a lot that’s fucked up about the foxhole court. And the worst part of it is that it never gets better. Andrew makes marginal improvement, but Nicky never does. Nora writes shock value scenes until the series end (I didn’t write about the scene in tkm where Neil gets tortured because it’s the same shock value effect of the thanksgiving chapter in a different sort of way but it’s also bad). I am of the honest belief that this book is far too fucked up to salvage. This is my official tfc bad masterpost, because every time I criticize it someone wants to know more. But I’m also putting it in the fandom tags because it annoys me to no end that y’all support these books, and I’m hoping I can at least change someone’s mind.

#ok here it is #if you made it to the end holy fuck why would you do this to yourself #fun fact this is over 4000 words!!#im very angry and i have a lot to say ok #all for the game #the foxhole court #the raven king #the kings men #aftg #tfc #trk #tkm #ok. yeah. fandom tags. not 2 be all 'holier than thou' (i was part of the fandom once upon a blue moon) but yall need to hear this #this took me 3 hrs 45 min to write and proofread yall better appreciate it #my meta

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mittensmorgul · 7 years ago

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Hey! First off, love your blog... normally I just read everyone's meta but I've decided to join the party! Haven't seen much chatting yet about the ghost being a little boy, and trapped in a knife to boot. It seems like a pretty direct metaphor for Dean being trapped in a violent life and never really getting to be a kid, and that got set free a bit by living out a childhood dream with his heroes. For a sec I even thought the kid was a magical projection of Dean! I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Hey hi there! *pours cookies and plates up some tea for you*

*rereads*

*sorry for the mess, it’s early and I need more coffee*

I haven’t even looked at my dash since last night yet, so I don’t know if there’ve been multiple posts about this or not, but yes. Dean was weaponized (like the little boy’s ghost being trapped in that knife) from the time he was small. Like so many of the things that Dean is emotionally attached to-- Scooby Doo, his music that he grew up listening to in the car with his family, the things he clung to that WEREN’T hunting, and WEREN’T about just taking care of Sam-- those things were untainted by the horrors of hunting.

During the course of the series, a lot of the flashbacks we saw to his childhood involved those “moments of childhood happiness” being destroyed for him. Christmas (3.09) became a horrible memory of Sam learning about the supernatural and the truth about John. High school romance (4.13, 9.07) ended in pain and heartbreak. Even taking a break and doing something as simple and childlike as playing a video game for a few minutes nearly cost Sam his life and he was blamed for it by John (1.18). Scooby Doo, the fact it was always on wherever they ended up and the fact that the monsters they hunted always turned out to be (borderline incompetent) greedy humans in rubber masks... I mean for young Dean who lived in constant fear of REAL monsters, this was an oasis of escape like no other. He could pretend that it was all fake, that cheerful Fred’s terrible plans always ended up working out but in the most unexpected way, that he could swoop in and be the hero and save Daphne, that Velma was always right that it wasn’t a real ghost, that he could celebrate the win eating an impossible sandwich with Scooby and Shaggy...

But then the episode would end, everyone would live, the bad guys were in jail, and the Scooby gang drove away... and Dean would be the knife again.

This was what I wrote to Dori last night in the chat, but I think it (in a roundabout sort of way) goes to show this:

mittensmorgulI just want to write long meta on Dean's cursing, that goes from refusing to even say "ass" in the vicinity of the scooby gang, to blurting out sonofabitch when their innocence seems to be shattering, to telling Fred "Fucking right you can" that gets bleeped after the gang learns the truthand then Dean bothers to rebuild all their initial beliefs about their own reality that ghosts aren't real, and THEY BUY INTO IT DESPITE ALL OF THIS.

obsessionisaperfumeHe's able to recapture some of his childhood innocence.

mittensmorgulIt's like.. all the humans in the SPN universe who don't remember the weird stuff, like the apocalypse or anything, because they just... convince themselves it's not real and go back to their lives

obsessionisaperfumeYeah.

mittensmorgulthis episode is brilliantAnd self-aware Shaggy... the fact he broke his arm was what broke his suspension of disbelief

mittensmorgulFred's terrible trap that doesn't work, because they never work,

obsessionisaperfumeI want to look at Dean and Daphne, because that wasn't grown-up Dean, it was 14-yo Dean's idea of charming and shit.

mittensmorgulThis whole episode is fantastic

Because Dean DID try so hard to “play along” with the Scoobyverse rules. He was THRILLED to play along, even when Sam was initially tugging him back toward reality, pointing out there were no words in the newspaper, and immediately suggesting they try to find a way back to the real world. And I mean, Sam wasn’t wrong here, and he was pointing out legitimate clues that eventually DID help them figure out the truth of what was happening, but Dean just wanted to play along with the story as he’d known it.

He even recognized the episode they were in, knew the whole plot, knew what he thought SHOULD be happening, and did his best to play along. I mean, that had worked for them the last time they’d been trapped in a tv, right?

But unbeknownst to Sam and Dean, something of THEIR reality had been brought into the Scoobyverse with them. A real supernatural threat, in the form of a child’s ghost haunting a pocket knife.

(or... almost like the parts of Dean’s childhood he tried to leave behind every time he settled in to watch a half hour of Scooby Doo... this reality he’d always dreamed as a kid he could just escape into and leave his reality behind for a while, when he finally got a chance to do just that, he couldn’t escape entirely)

It’s as if no matter how hard he tried to keep the Scooby gang “pure and innocent” by keeping the truth from them, the truth arrived to smack everyone in the face anyway.

It’s fascinating to watch the Scoobys go from dancing at a malt shop with perfect hair, to slowly becoming more and more frazzled and “tainted” by Dean’s reality. It peaks at the Scoobys’ existential crisis moment, where TFW has to step in and literally equip them to handle this new twist in their reality. Dean STILL lets Fred enact his plan even though he knows (by the typical script of a scooby episode) will fail, but TFW have a backup plan to trap the real ghost-- away from the Scoobys.

And that’s where we first see the ghost’s real face. It’s not a huge, terrifying phantom, or even a bad guy in a rubber mask and tattered robe. The ghost is a small, green-eyed boy who’s scared and angry, who doesn’t want to be used as a weapon anymore.

Yeah... sounds an awful lot like Dean.

They promise to help the little boy’s ghost, but their last act in Scoobyland is to “put everything to rights.” The Scoobys are still terrified, frazzled, and broken by what they’ve learned and experienced. TFW, with the help of the little boy’s ghost, convince the Scoobys that they’d been right all along, it was just what they’d initially expected it to be, and there was no such thing as the supernatural.

They even visually represent this with the Scoobys “reassembling” themselves, Fred smoothing out his perfect hair and going right back to his cheerful positivity and Daphne going right back to chasing after Fred. Almost like as soon as they walked away from the Winchesters even the memory of their entire ordeal just ~faded away~.

Dean might be an adult now, who carries this knowledge of reality with him all the time, but he can now use knife as his own, how he chooses to, instead of being manipulated by outside forces for their own ends. He’s not trapped by it anymore the way the little boy is. Dean can use that knowledge to protect others, to keep others “innocent,” and to preserve this one small piece of his own childhood escapism just the way he remembered it.

But back in the real world, Dean can also help that little boy find peace. He might not be able to reunite him with his father, but he can free him from the evil guy who’d used him so horribly, and then with Sam and Cas’s help made sure the guy would be punished-- if not for the abuse of the little boy’s ghost, then at least for some of his more mundane crimes.

But DEAN will always be able to take the memory of their encounter with him. He had the experience of a lifetime, and the Scooby Gang might not ever realize it, but wow.

Sam incinerated the knife, freed the little ghost boy, and then Cas carried the burnt remnant of the boy’s suffering in his pocket. And Dean put on Fred’s ascot and got to act out that bit...

(and then Cas reminded Dean he’s not a talking dog...)

Oh my god this episode has everything.

#spn 13.16 #spn s13 spoilers #oh DEAN #things that look like other things #performing dean #dean vs dogs #chill legilimens

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