#need to remind myself that mike still has did here

[nocofamilyau]

can we see how the family reacts to each of mikes alters.?? i think itd be cool ^_^

all of these are quite vague but it gives you a good idea of how everyone sees each alter

[bmissyb]

“don’t ask me to explain” by of montreal is mike wheeler’s emotional landscape in song form. an analysis.

soooooo….. i said we moved on too fast, so let’s talk!!

this track is such a quiet unraveling; confused, soft, afraid, and deeply yearning. it’s actually no surprise finn included it in, probably, mike’s character playlist. it doesn’t just fit mike’s arc, especially in seasons 4 and 5—it is his arc. line by line, the song traces a boy trying to understand himself while being terrified of what he’ll find. so let’s go:

---

“how will I ever know you enough to love you / if you're hiding who you are?”

this line feels like it exists between mike and will, but also mike and himself. there’s this tension in s4 where no one’s really saying what they mean. will is hiding his feelings, mike is doing the same, and both of them are waiting for the other to crack first (parallel to future lines!).  

this also works as internal dialogue—mike trying to access emotions he hasn’t allowed himself to fully process. how can he figure out what he feels if he’s spent years building walls around it?

---

“don't ask me to explain.”

mike’s defining phrase. this could be stitched across every scene he shares with will. he’s constantly backing away from honesty—not because he doesn’t feel, but because articulating it makes it real.  

in the van scene especially, this unspoken plea hangs over everything. he knows, somewhere deep down, but it’s too big to admit yet.

---

“who are you hiding you from, / across the table with a penny in each eye?”

the “penny in each eye” is such a striking image—like a metaphorical death. it evokes silence, grief, and emotional unavailability.  

it reflects how much both mike and will are suppressing: mike watching will try to be okay, trying to reach for something without asking for it. both of them are present, but neither are really there. they’re ghosts to each other, in a way.

---

“i'd like to marry all of my close friends, / and live in a big house together by an angry sea.”

this is quintessential mike—wanting closeness without the risk of naming desire. “all my close friends” is such a soft cop-out; it’s a fantasy that avoids the messiness of love by calling it friendship.  it’s “all my close friends” because he just can’t say will. and the “angry sea”? that’s the world. the unknown. maybe even adulthood. and despite all of that, mike still dreams of building something safe—something chosen, even if he can’t admit what he really wants it to look like. 

btw, does that remind you of something? 

“i’m not trying to be a jerk, okay? but we’re not kids anymore. what did you think, really? that we were never gonna get girlfriends?”

MICHEAL WHEELER YOU LIAR, LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!!!

---

“am i the devil's marbles / don't move on without me”

there’s a chaotic vulnerability to this line. mike often feels like he’s being left behind—emotionally, developmentally, even narratively.  

he’s watching will grow, watching his friends change, and somewhere in him there’s a fear of being stuck. of being the one person who hasn’t figured himself out.

---

“who will be watching my body when i sleep?”

this is such a childlike, tender line. mike’s always been someone who needs emotional grounding, even if he resists it.  

this echoes his connection with will—the comfort they offer each other, the sense of being seen. will is the only person who’s consistently watched over mike, emotionally. the question here is: if i lose him, who will hold me together?

this could also be a juxtaposition to how he’s always the caretaker of the group, the one who’s always been ‘the brave’.

further, he has quite literally looked after will’s body as he sleeps, thus it’s now the question of; if someone sees who i really am, i may never receive that treatment myself.

---

“who will i believe in?”

a quiet crisis of faith. mike’s been so wrapped up in being the “heart” of the party, in loving el, in playing the part he’s supposed to—this line feels like the cracks forming.  

if he lets go of the version of himself that others believe in, what’s left? who is he when he’s not performing for others?

---

“how am i supposed to let it show / when i don't even know?”

this might be the most important line. because mike’s arc isn’t just about fear of being judged—it’s about confusion.  

he knows something is there, something strong and real. but years of repressing, of trying to be who he’s supposed to be, has made it impossible for him to trust his own heart. this is his conflict in s4 and possibly s5: what if i’m in love, and i don’t even know what it means?

---

“besides, i don't want to be the one who's coming out first / i'd really like to, but i'm just too shy.”

OH MY BROTHER IN WHATEVER!!!!

if we put the VERY clear meaning behind this phrase behind (a.k.a. mike being closeted), this is the van scene’s energy in a sentence. mike wants someone else to break the silence. he wants will to say it, so he doesn’t have to risk being first. it’s fear of vulnerability, but also fear of being wrong.  

and it’s not apathy—it’s shyness. timidity. mike isn’t incapable of love. he’s just scared that if he names it, he’ll ruin something sacred.

---

“it's so easy to lie to myself / and pretend that i could love you but i can't.”

this one cuts. because it’s not saying “i don’t love you.” it’s “i pretend i could love you”—but i can’t let myself.  

depending on how you read it, the “you” could be el or will. either way, mike is lying—to her, to will, and most of all to himself.  

the tragedy is that the truth is right there. it’s just buried beneath fear.

---

in conclusion:

this song is mike’s emotional journey very clearly laid out in front of us. it’s not loud; it’s not very dramatic. it’s soft, aching, and confused—just like a 15-year-old boy trying to make sense of his first real love while trapped inside a version of himself he no longer recognizes.  

thus, in season 5, we need the unraveling of this build up— a catharsis of sorts. not a big “coming out” moment, necessarily—but an honest one. a quiet truth, spoken at last.  

this is the buildup. season 5 needs to be the release.

[insaneaboutbyler]

Debate I had today with a Milkdud.

Pls tell me if I ate or if I just splurged random info on them.

Melvin: I don't think bylers gonna happen because El is important to the plot

Me: El being important to the plot doesn't really have anything to do with Mileven or Byler endgame

Mitochondria: No Mileven is endgame because El is so important to Mike's character.

Me: I completely agree his relationship with El is integral to his character. however view it in a different lense. Walk with me here this might be a bit long.

So in the beggining of the show he is so focused on finding Will and instead finds El in the woods he wanted to send her to a mental asylum or get his mum to deal with her UNTIL she recognises Will and gives him hope that he can be found. He then completely brushes her off and hits her when he thinks he's seen Wills body and only forgives and gives her the time of day when she proves he's alive.

Not exactly how I act around someone I supposedly like (I know for a fact most people including myself are a little blinded by attraction when it comes to peoples actions yet he completely throws her off) he only really starts viewing her romantically when Lucas and Nancy suggest that he might like her.

He then could feel like he has to act on this she's 'the only girl that's not grossed out by him' so has to like her right? but then she goes missing and he gets Will back.

Their relationship is important here as its setting up Mike's need to conform (this is further pushed by later seasons Finn describing Mike's arc as the need to be normal aka to conform).

Now in s2 we see that he has been trying to contact El every day which alot of people think is romantic and while it very much could be I belive its more out of guilt because he essentially used her to find Will and once she did she was gone, as he doesn't make even a tiny bit of effort to actually go out and find her unlike how proactive and determined he was to find Will.

This creates contrast in the level of care he has for each of them, he cares about her so much of course he does but at this point she was more of a superhero to him for saving Will and having powers so much of his feelings come from a point of admiration and awe for the other. And once Will gets into trouble he immediately drops calling her on the walkie and focuses all of his attention on to Will this contrasts to when he found out all of the trouble El was in but still puts the large majority of his focus on finding Will.

This sets apart his relationship with Mike and the 2 people even further as he is always totally dedicated to making sure Will is alive, mentally and physically well. We also see in s2 that Mike clearly missed El I mean ofc he did she's the superhero that brought his best friend back but he isn't reminded of that until after he has saved Will and she's already back. Now s3 Mike's arc is one of growing up and adjusting to how becoming a teenager feels. He starts the show in a romantic relationship with El however in private he pushes her hands off his face and she rejects the idea of him singing and having fun. This separates the two from being safe with each other and understanding each other on a deeper level than making out. El then dumps him which is framed as very comedic and doesn't change Mike's behaviour or the way he feels in any shape or form. he just mopes a bit and doesn't even try to fix anything. However his fight with Will in the same episode is framed as much more important to both Mike and Wills characters. Mike has already been shown that his actions have consequences with El but he doesn't seem to care it doesn't really affect him. But when the same thing happens with Will he does everything he can to fix it immediately. he bikes all the way across town in the rain and does all that he can to apologise to Will. This is clearly a relationship so important to Mike's character frames so separately to his relationship with El. it shows that he is very serious about Will and not so about El. In the end of s3 he has a conversation with Will were Will commits to something with Mike (not joining another party) Mike is smiling like crazy he is so happy (the moment is even a little flirty). this is in such direct contrast to him looking low-key miserable at Els confession of commitment (her saying she loves him). he looks upset he doesn't reciprocate and he doesn't even close his eyes or reciprocate the kiss she gives him and afterwards he just looks confused. These moments happen right after each other and prove that Wills relationship with Mike contributes so much to Mike's happiness whereas Els contributes to his confusion and his inner hatred.

Now s4 is a huge one. Yes the majority of Mike's arc in s4 is him not being able to tell El that he loves her. but that's the thing his arc is that he doesn't love his girlfriend enough romantically to tell her that he loves her (ofc he loves her just not romantically) We should trust El when she sais Mike doesn't love her. However the thing that really saves El when it comes to life or death is Will. Will gave Mike the words he used in his supposed love confession. Will told Mike to keep going because he was the heart. Will was the one Mike confided in and sorted out his emotions with. Will is everything that Mike needs and vice versa. Their characters are so so important to each other and these final seasons are proving more and more that El is an independent girlboss that shouldn't need a man to tell her he loves her for her to win she needs her FRIENDS to help her keep fighting and she only starts winning when that becomes the case. S4 also ends with Will and Mike being a team they promise to fight Vecna together and there is some very obvious imagery of El stepping away from them to be by herself and byler sticking together because they are a team. So yes. El is incredibly important to Mike's arc because she shows that him conforming to normality doesn't help them win (as they loose the battle with vecna) she shows that Mike cares so deeply about Will more so than anyone else. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk feel free to ask questions.

[admirationandromantics]

Guilt and Grudges, 5: Dread

Aaaaand... you want something? You'll get it. I mean, ups, spoiler? No, I'm just joking, or am I? Anyways, I've been so busy today, so this chapter was a little late. You still got it thought, so no bad feelings there. Enjoy it! ...while you can

Ashley doesn’t notice them, still hulking and sobbing loudly. They start running towards us, and I let out a breath as I make out Emily and Matt. 

“Chris!” Matt yells, arriving by his side as the blonde breaks down again. Matt holds him up, hand on his back, wondering what’s happening. 

“Blood, whose blood is that?” Emily asks, voice and eyes worried as she looks over the crying girl in my arms. 

“Are you okay?” 

“What happened?” she asks again, and I try to form words, but fail. They’re in my head, but my body won’t let them out. I point to the shed, Chris being able to verbally express what happened. 

“J-Josh, he’s dead, I killed him!” 

“N-no” I breathe out, and Emily’s eyes shift back to me. 

“A m-maniac, there’s a maniac on the mountain” I swallow, getting some of my voice back, even if it’s hoarse and chipped. 

“He killed Josh, w-with a saw” Ashley breaks in, body shaking in my grasp. Matt comes over, grabbing her from me and giving her a hug. Emily takes both of my hands in hers, trying to get more information. 

“Right in front of us, he made us choose who to save, a-and the blade” 

“The blade what?” 

“Cut him in two” 

“Spilling blood everywhere, and I couldn’t do anything!” Chris interjects, hulking from all the crying. 

“What!? Oh my god, what?” 

I look down, suddenly being met with a hug from Emily, arms wrapping around me. I lean into her, craving the consolation she offers. I can feel her heartbeat, and I’m again reminded of what we’re bombarding them with. They weren’t there, they don’t know anything. 

“Oh my god, we’ve gotta get out of here” she says, pulling back and nudging Matt. 

“I don’t understand what happened” Matt says, but I shake my head, not wanting to talk anymore. 

“This is insane, we need to get some help” Emily adds, looking over at Ashley, who’s yet again fallen to the ground. 

“We’re gonna figure this out” Matt says, one hand going back to Chris. Emily turns to him. 

“Matt, we need to get help right now” 

“Em, we should look for the others” he counters, and I nod. 

“Let’s collect everyone, one man can’t hurt us if we’re together, right?” 

“Mike and Jess are off 69-ning each other, and who knows where Sam is” 

“At the lodge” I say, a sinking feeling in my chest. She’s all alone, with none of us there. What if he's already gotten her? 

“FIne, you’re right. Get everyone else together. But if there’s a maniac running around we need to get some help too, right? Not just wait around” 

I nod, and Ashely has finally gotten up on her feet. Chris is standing up, and none of us are crying anymore. We need to keep our heads cool. 

“But what about-” Matt tries, but Emily interrupts him. 

“Why are we still talking about this, let's go!” 

Chris grabs Ashley’s arm, dragging her with him. I turn to the others, nodding again. 

“Good luck” 

“Be safe” 

And we each go our direction, feet hurrying as I hear howling in the distance. I walk beside them, none of us saying a word. We’re walking fast, and I don’t complain, we need to get Sam. 

I hate the feeling of not knowing she’s okay. She was in the bath, maybe he did something to her. What if he took advantage of her, or if we open the door and her body is hanging from the ceiling. My mind continues playing out all these different scenarios, bracing myself for the worst. 

A couple of arms suddenly embrace me, and I automatically jump, scared for my life. 

“Just me, just me” Chris says, and I look over his shoulder to see Ashley continuing, slower than we walked before, but still going forward. 

“Let me just, I-I need this” he whispers, his grip tightening around me. I let him, my arms going around his torso, fighting my own tears while holding him. It almost doesn’t seem fair for me to cry in front of him right now. We had a choice, and he chose. I know he didn’t mean for the outcome to be this way, but he needs me right now. At least one of us must be sharp, and since Sam isn’t here, that burden falls on me. 

Ashley is in no condition to continue, horrors from last year haunting her mind, in combination with this one as well. I feel his tears coat my cheeks, running down to my neck. The cold air immediately makes the area freeze, so I lean further into him, one hand going behind his head to make him relax. 

“I’m sorry” I whisper, giving soft caresses on his back. 

“It wasn’t your fault” he sobs, grabbing me harder, making it difficult to breathe. 

“It wasn’t yours either” At these words, he lets go a bit, letting himself relax in my embrace. 

“I didn’t mean that I wanted to kill Ashley either” he continues, and I sigh. 

“I know, we didn’t want any of this to happen” 

We break it off, seeing Ashley in the distance. Just seeing her there alone makes my heart race, already stressing in case she gets snatched off the path. 

“We need to get Sam” 

“Yeah, let's focus on getting everyone together, so we can get off this mountain” he finishes for me, and I nod, his hand in mine as we make our way over to Ashley, walking beside her on the snow. 

We eventually arrive back in the cabin, and hesitation takes over, scared to meet something as soon as we open the door. Ashley doesn’t think so, opening it and walking straight in, not scared of anything. She looks like a zombie, each step weak with her shoulders hung low. She’s not herself, but who would be after what we’ve witnessed? 

The sight that meets us inside is nothing but weird and creepy. Balloons with arrows painted on them, a series of burning candles all over the lodge. I fear the worst. 

“You guys check this floor, I’ll go upstairs to the bathroom” I say, not giving them a chance to disagree. My feet slam into the floorboard, old and costly wood panels beneath them. My heart’s racing, I can’t lose two of them tonight. I can’t lose Sam, not her. I arrive in the hallway, not being bothered by the ticking of the expensive clock. The bathroom door is open, heat and steam hitting my face as I approach. My hand goes to the handle, carefully opening the door. 

“Sam?” I try, but nobody answers. I walk inside, being met with an empty room, the candles blown out and the water not yet drained. I look down, the floor is still wet, and the heat is still present, so she must’ve left not long ago. Though she still had time to blow out all the candles, and get her clothes back on. There’s nothing else in the room. I try all the corners, but just as I’m about to leave again, a grey fabric catches my eye. Kneeling down in front of the chair, I look underneath, seeing one of her socks. Why did she put on everything except for a sock? I imagine that if she were running, she would at least grab it and hold it until she had the chance to put it on again. That is, if she actually put on her clothes. 

The mixed signals make me feel crazy, but it’s the only thing I can think about without crying. I don’t want to think that she’s dead, I don’t want to think about what the psycho might’ve done to her. She may be hurt, in a compromising position or even dead. How am I supposed to know? We still need to find her. If that guy is planning another one of his games, then she might still be alive, just captive. I leave the garment in the room, walking back downstairs, meeting the two others. 

“She wasn’t up there?” Ashley asks, jogging over. I shake my head, trying to hold on to my expression without faltering. 

“No, I didn’t see her” 

They both look down, fearing the worst. I know how they feel. 

“But I think she must’ve come down here, her sock was left and it wasn’t long ago” I explain, and while Chris gets a more determined look, Ashley just looks scared. 

“Yeah, we didn’t find her either” she says, not liking where this is going. I walk past them, starting on down the stairs

“Well, she must be here, we just have to figure out where” I declare, continuing to go down. Chris follows and suddenly Ashley shrieks, making me jump. 

“Oh my god!” 

“What is it?” 

“D-did that just happen?” she asks, and I take a few steps up, seeing them both look intently at a candle. 

“Dammit, what is going on around here?” 

“Will someone just tell me what happened?” I ask again, a bit more irritated, keeping my eyes on the flame. 

“The candle, it just got lit when I passed by” she explains, and I walk up the full set of stairs. It’s weird, it definitely is, but there can be logical explanations for this. It could’ve gone out, and one of the lit ones ignited it through the smoke. Just basic chemistry. The others walk past me, wanting to get away, and of course, find Sam. 

I move quickly, walking over to the candle and inspecting it. It’s electric, not a real flame. I look underneath, not seeing a switch. This must be steered by some sort of controller or button. Someone is trying to mess with us, trying to freak us out. The horrid thing is, we know who it is. 

I still can’t put my mind on what happened with the spirit board, but if this place is truly haunted by the events of last year, I’ll do my best not to get caught up in it. Ghosts don’t exist, and if they do, I doubt they can cause us any physical harm. 

“I just… I know you and Josh were close” 

I hear their faint voices, a little further away than for comfort. I run down the stairs hoping to catch up with them. On the small table is another flashlight, and I grab it and turn it on, making my way down the steps and into the cinema.

“Let’s just find Sam, okay? That’s what we’re doing now” Chris says as I meet them downstairs. They both look over at me as I arrive, Chris still looking a bit sad, but hiding it beneath his facade. 

“Find anything yet?” I ask, looking around. 

“Well…” Ashley points to a broken vase, shards from the ornament splattered across the floor. I walk over to the pieces, picking one up. 

“Do you think this has anything to do with Sam?” Ashley asks, a slight whimper in her voice. I shake my head, looking around for anything else that might be of use. 

“I… I don’t know” I admit, standing up again. She could have thrown it to defend herself, or the maniac might’ve. Someone could have stumbled into it, or maybe a gush of wind or an animal did it. There’s so many possibilities, and my head feels like mush compared to normal. 

“Guys, the doors further in are all open. You think she went into the cellar?” Chris asks, and I look up. He’s right, they’re all wide open. It seems kind of odd, maybe a bit too convenient? Something is wrong, very wrong. I already know we’re walking into somewhere we shouldn’t be, but I can’t help myself. I shift my gaze to Chris, whose eyes are already on me. I give him a weak encouraging smile, and his shoulders lose part of their tension. He walks in, and I follow close behind, Ashley stopping and holding herself.

“Are you guys sure, what if we’re walking straight into some kind of trap?” she asks, and we both stop. I know she’s right, but at the same time, I don’t want to leave Sam to fend for herself. If we could get to her, and possibly catch the maniac off guard, then maybe we can get off this mountain. 

“We have to think about Sam” I state, shaking my head a bit. She nods, coming after us. Just as Chris and I walk in the first door, it abruptly shuts and locks. We all shriek, and since I’m closest, I go to try and pry it open. It won’t. 

“Ashley! Ash!” I scream, shaking the handle and ripping the door. It still won’t budge. 

“Guys, I’m fine!” She shouts back through the door. Chris’s hand goes to my shoulder, trying to make me calm down. I take a few deep breaths. This might be some sort of small scares that the maniac has put throughout the house, like the candle. He can’t be watching us right now, right?

“Can you get the door open?” I ask, waiting for a response. The door doesn't move, but I hear the sound of her fiddling with the lock before eventually trying brute force. 

“I can’t…”

My hands go to my head, and Chris quickly takes hold of them, forcing me to not freak out. I look up at him, and he takes a couple of big steady breaths, trying to ease me. I nod a bit, still terrified. This man killed Josh, and he gave us the choice to kill her. What if he kills her either way? 

“Ash, go to your room” Chris says through the door. I look up at him, eyes wide in shock. 

“What!?” she exclaims, trying the door again. 

“You heard me, barricade yourself in there, and when you hear us up there again, you can come out. We’ll all get out of here” 

“But the door, if we just… maybe?” I try, knowing the door is a lost cause. He gives me a look, and I shut up. 

“Okay… But please, stay safe?” Ashley says with a defeated tone. 

“You too” I plead back, and hear her walk away on the floorboards. I look up to Chris again, his eyes determined but still filled with worry. 

“She’ll be okay” he whispers, hands slowly moving up to the side of my shoulders. 

“You don’t know that, Chris…”

“I choose to believe it, okay? Now, let’s find Sam and get away from here”

I nod, holding tightly onto him with one hand, and the flashlight in the other. He drags me with him, through the room and further into a hall. This place doesn't necessarily look scary, but the atmosphere, the things that have happened tonight makes it worse. We let go of each other, and he goes to the left as I slowly start to open the door in front of me. Just as I’m about to look in, it slams shut and locks, making me retrieve my hand quickly, a small shocked squeak escaping me. 

“This is so effed up!” He exclaims, and I look over at him, continuing to the other door.

“You don’t say” I whisper, almost afraid that something will hear us. The door abruptly opens, making me stop in my tracks, hand clutching my heart. 

“I swear, you’ll kill yourself if you don’t try to calm down” he states, and he gives me a look. Even if he’s firm, there’s a sense of softness there, a hint of protection and vulnerability. 

“How the fuck am I supposed to calm down?” I ask, walking in front of him and through the door. I look both ways, and a thin, white figure walks into another room at the end of the hall. My eyes widen, heart beating faster as my hand goes to my mouth, body slowly taking a step backwards. I hit something, and immediately jump. 

“Jesus Christ, really, you need to calm down” he whispers, hands going over my arms, rubbing softly. I ignore him, pointing to the end of the hall. 

“Did you see that?” I ask, carefully walking over there. 

“Uh… did I see what?”

“It was… I don’t know. I saw something!” 

“What was it, was it the maniac?”

“N-no” I stutter, trying to explain. “It was a see-through shape, like a ghost” 

“Oh, boy” He sighs, and I give him a small punch in the arm. 

“I’m serious” I state, still shaken up. I look up at him, his mouth slightly open, but no words come out. He looks like he pities me, or that I’m crazy. I feel my emotions going highdrive, never knowing they could get as high as they have before now. 

“Why don’t you believe me? I said I saw it, doesn’t that count for anything?” 

He takes a breath, hands going to my shoulders again, thumbs rubbing a little harder than necessary. He speaks in a calm voice, tone low while maintaining eye contact. 

“Look, we’ve been through hell tonight. Okay? Your mind is fried, my mind is fried. I don’t even trust what I’ve been seeing”

“Chris…”

“Listen, I know you think you saw something, but it might just be your head messing with you”

“No, you don’t understand, I did see it” I urge, hands going to him, grabbing his shirt. 

“You’re tired, dehydrated, traumatised…”

“I…” I start, but can’t argue with him. Maybe I just thought I saw something. It didn’t make any sound, and he didn’t see it. Am I going crazy? He notices my stress, and wraps his arms around me. Though I know he’s supposed to be comforting, I can’t help but listen to the beat of his heart. It’s fast, very fast. He’s as scared as I am. 

I pull a little away, hand going to cup his face. Now that I have him so close, I can see the lines of worry on his forehead and around his eyes. His chest is moving rapidly up and down, though he’s trying to conceal it. His mouth is slightly open, which makes his breathing heavier. I look at his lips, noticing how soft they look. Without thinking, I pull him closer, capturing my lips on his. 

He doesn’t hesitate for even a small moment, leaning against me, pushing me into the wall. He grabs both our flashlights, leaving them on the table beside us, hands going to my waist and neck. I fold my arms around him, feeling myself get caged underneath and against the brick wall. His lips go to my neck, kissing and sucking, with an occasional bite that makes me gasp. Fingers hook the hem of my sweater, wanting it off. 

“Chris…” I whisper, but it comes out as more of a plea than a protest. 

“Mmm” He hums, feeling me up underneath the fabric. 

“I didn’t want this to be the place or situation we did this for the first time in” I admit, leaning my head back to give him better access. 

“Neither did I. Are you saying no?” He asks, pulling a little away, faces still close. 

“We might die” 

“I want you before that happens”

I nod in agreement, and he leans in again, capturing my lips. My heart is still beating rapidly, senses in a hundred as he keeps feeling me up. I’m terrified, but at the same time, I’ve never wanted him so bad. 

I lift my arms, letting him pull the sweater and shirt off me in one quick motion. I do the same to him, making his toned upper body bare, fingers tracing his muscles. 

“We don’t have time for all of that” he whispers, already working on my pants. I want to revel in the moment, take all the time I need, get to know his body inch by inch. But I know that’s a privilege I don’t have right now. I fumble with his belt while he drags my pants down, letting them fall to my ankles and kick them off. He helps me with his, getting it off and pressing me up against the wall again. 

“I’ve wanted you for so long” he whispers between kisses. Hands going down to my thighs, kneading softly. 

“Chris, I don’t want to lose you, not now…” 

“You’ll not, we’ll find the others” he states, pulling himself out of his boxers. “We’ll group up” he drags my panties to the side. “And we’ll get off this mountain”

As he finishes, his hands grab my thighs again, lifting me up against the wall, pushing me between it and him. My legs automatically go around his torso, and arms over his shoulders, holding me up. 

“We’ll be okay, you’ll be okay…” he comforts, ghosting over my entrance. I suddenly start feeling the cold around us, his body being the only warm thing in here. I pull him closer, kissing his neck and tracing lines on his back with my fingers. 

“Let’s not think about those things for a while. I don’t want to think about us dying” 

A small, genuine chuckle leaves his lips, and he finally pushes into me, slowly. We both give out small moans, relishing in the little moment we have. 

“F-fuck, Chris!” 

He hums in response, staying inside me for a couple of seconds, not moving. 

“Can I?” he asks, tilting his head up to mine, lips barely touching. 

“Please”

He doesn’t need any other confirmation, and he starts moving. Slowly at first, getting into a steady rhythm as the cold seems to wear away, the room filling with our moans and whimpers. I feel myself being pushed further into the wall, him holding me up with only one hand while the other graces over my stomach and down to my clit. 

“How are you able to -ahh!” I try to question him, but his thumb starts rubbing small circles on my spot, making me throw my head back. He doesn’t answer, too busy touching me, making me feel ecstasy. My core starts building up, head foggy from need and anticipation. I do my best to keep quiet, but moans and whimpers escape me, bursting from my lips as he gets deeper with each thrust. His head moves closer to mine, lips meeting, making us swallow each other’s sounds. He grunts, rhythm becoming a little unsteady. 

“I’m gonna-”

“Mmf!” I whimper out, unable to answer him. I’m so close, on the verge of pure bliss, not thinking about our situation or what’s to come, just him and me at this moment. My legs start twitching, and his thrusts become rougher, going deeper, hitting my cervix, making me cry out. He captures my lips again, determined to keep me a little more silent. I can’t help it, his hands, tongue, body. I’m not thinking about the hard wall, or the cold air, or the maniac killer. I’m thinking about him, and how good he makes me feel, how much he cares and wants me. 

“Come on, such a good girl for me” he whispers against my lips. His words throw me over the edge, and he swallows my cries as I finish all over him. It doesn’t take long for him to follow through, a couple of thrusts more before he buries himself in me, body leaning over, and head resting on my shoulder. My hand goes to the back of his neck, gently caressing with my fingers. 

“I… I don’t know what to say” he admits, face pulling away from my skin and looking at me. 

“We don’t have to say anything” I whisper, leaning forward and giving him a small kiss. We slowly but surely steady our breathing, bodies slowly growing colder from the lack of physical activity. 

“But we should…” I start, and he nods, carefully putting me down. 

“Yes, we should” 

We both have the same understanding, no matter how we feel in this moment, how long we want to revel in it. We’re selfish, that’s just a fact. Ashley is barricaded in her room, Sam is kidnapped, Josh is dead, and god knows where the other’s are. Yet, we’re here, finally taking that step we’ve always wanted to do, always walking around the bush. I guess we ought to know each other like this before everything ends. It truly had to be a dire situation to get our egotistical pleasurable priorities straight. 

Our clothes are still on the floor, cold from being unused. Still, it’s better than nothing, and we quickly get dressed. I’ve almost forgotten about everything that happened, the small things, the big ones, the freaking ghost. I feel calmer, clearer, and I think he does too. His breathing is slowed down, and he doesn’t have that stressed look on his face. He looks determined, strong. I like this look on him.

Taglist: @porcelainbluedove @b3rryb3t @batteryacid404 @fordthegamelord819

[debrisyume]

Hey guys, I made the terrible mistake of getting into fnaf a while ago and now I care about the lore and have lots of Thoughts. I felt compelled to talk about my various theories/headcanons so here I am.

This ended up being entirely way too long, I split the post up into two but it’s still really really long I’m sorry that I cannot shut up. There’s just so much to go over and I wanted it all in one space just to be done with it. I’m mainly posting this for myself (new deltarune chapters are coming out soon and I want to focus all my brain energy on that when it’s time) so it’s okay if no one reads it, but if anyone tries I need to prepare you lol.

Gonna start off with saying that I believe that Cassidy is the Crying Child, as opposed to a separate character sharing Golden Freddy with him. I like 13n0th3r3’s posts on it here and here best, a lot of my points will be similar to theirs so I want to credit them (they’re also far more concise than me). I’ve spent a long time thinking about how it could work and this post is the result of that. I understand why other ideas are more popular, but there’s plenty of suspicious stuff going on with Cassidy/CC/Golden Freddy, and I wanted to make my own case for it even if it ends up being terribly wrong. Maybe parts of this will sound compelling or I’ll come across as crazy lol, I don’t mind.

CassidyVictim/GoldenVictim will be the focus of the first half, plus my take on the first victim and the nightmare experiments etc, while the second will be dedicated to TOYSNHK/fnaf world/stitchline. Be warned for spoilers on more recent fnaf content like the Into the Pit game and interactive novels. To make this more digestible I titled each topic I went over and added a word count, so people are free to skip ahead to anything they're interested in, if you're confused by something I said, maybe a previous section will provide more clarification. I hope this doesn't end up too confusing?

[FNAF 4/GoldenVictim] 6300+

Ok so in fnaf 4 you follow Cassidy throughout the week leading up to his birthday party. He has a suspicious Fredbear plush with glowing eyes that can talk to him, and he’s frequently bullied by his older brother, who is commonly believed to be Michael Afton. Another common theory is that the nightmares during the fnaf 4 gameplay are dreamed up by his brother instead of Cassidy himself. I actually think there was evidence for this even before the logbook showed us that Michael has been dreaming about Nightmare Fredbear. The bedroom is very different from Cassidy’s room in the minigames: different toys, a closet, missing plushies, etc. This can be chalked up to pixel art limitations, but it’s interesting just how inaccurate it is. Whether it’s Mike or Cass who’s the dreamer, it implies that the player isn't having these nightmares in real time like one might first assume.

The gameplay is identical to Fnaf 1, and you hear the first phone call from Phone Guy in the background as ambiance. Something I find noteworthy about this phone call is that he mentions the bite of 87. I think this stuck out in Michael’s mind, reminding him of how his brother died to the bite of 83, and this could have helped trigger his nightmares. You also have Easter eggs where a hospital IV, pill bottles, and flowers show up; if Cassidy was in a coma until he died it’s unlikely that he saw them, so they’re probably there because Michael did. Shout out to these two users who figured this out when the game first came out.

Going back on topic, there are a lot of conflicting theories on Psychic Friend Fredbear. The idea that he’s Charlotte is cute, but I think he’s a bit too mean to be her. He tells Cassidy how his brother hates him, and he encourages his fears surrounding the animatronics. I don’t think Charlotte would enable him like that, especially since she’d be aware it was a human who killed her, and the plush never brings attention to Purple Guy. He also looks evil af in the logbook lol, which I don’t think suits Charlie’s character. At the same time, he is comforting and assures Cassidy that he will be there for him. He will tell him to be careful and warn him about Michael hiding to scare him.

People often associate this plush with William, because it resides in his secret office by what seems to be a walkie talkie, and they share some lines with each other. Michael is told by his father to put his sister back together, just like how Fredplush tells Cassidy that he will put him back together. The Toy Chica cartoon has Toy Chica as a stand in for William while he commits his crimes, and at the end she says “Tomorrow is another day” just like Fredplush.

I don’t think this association between the two is wrong, but it’s not because I think the plush is literally William talking to his son. My main issue is that he seems… too into it? He keeps up the shtick even as his son is dying, saying how the plushies and himself are still his friends, which along with “I will put you back together” feels a bit unnatural to say to his dying son. That always felt pretty off to me. Notably this is a callback to Cassidy calling the plushies his friends on day 1, and there’s also how “I’m still here” seems to be a follow up to “I am here with you” on the first day as well. Despite the slightly different text color during this scene (which could easily be a mistake or doesn’t mean anything significant, such as a change in tone as opposed to person, like the difference is really subtle for being a separate character if that’s the intent), I think these lines indicate that the plush stays the same entity throughout the whole game. I’m open to the final speaker being William, but I prefer keeping the plushie consistent between nights.

The plush also seems to react to stuff that’s actually happening in the room, such as predicting Michael’s jumpscare, I don’t think William would be able to see that through a camera with a likely limited point of view (and it doesn’t make much sense to be Cassidy’s imagination either, since it has knowledge that he doesn’t). There’s also his various supernatural behavior such as teleporting around, being invisible to the other kids, etc. Claiming that it’s all just in Cassidy’s mind feels like a copout.

What I think is actually going on is that the plush is powered by Cassidy’s agony, his fear and distress over whatever he saw was powerful enough to bring his favorite toy to life. I don’t believe Fredplush is malevolent despite not being the most helpful, I think he just doesn’t know any better and sees the world the same way Cassidy sees it, as something dangerous. All he’s seen is Michael being mean to his brother, so it’s easy to believe that he hates him. As far as he knows Cassidy is completely right in believing the animatronics are out to get him, so why shouldn’t he warn him? He’s trying to protect him but is going about it the wrong way, so he only ends up enabling his paranoia. This is a Psychic Friend Fredbear stan account he’s just dumb ok.

I think Fredplush is similar to the Ella doll from the novel trilogy. Ella is powered by Henry’s agony, she came alive after Henry cried over it and projected his daughter onto her. Baby emphasizes that the doll was alive because of Henry’s “tears”, and there’s someone else we know that cries a lot… Fredplush is similar to William in that Cassidy projects his dad onto him, which is why they have similar lines and behavior (I think William would encourage Cassidy’s fears to make his son dependent on him). He can also be compared to Simon, Jake’s doll. Simon is how Jake’s dad talks with him while he’s at war, in order to keep his sickly son company. Simon at the end of the story is still talking to Jake after Evan (the dad) dies. This is overheard by Jake’s caretaker, and Jake goes onto to possess Simon. Before Jake possessed him, Simon came to life through some sort of emotional energy, likely love.

I think a very similar scene happens with Fredplush, William overheard Fredplush talk to Cassidy, tell him how he’ll be put back together, and this is what got him interested in the supernatural, as well as how he learned the phrase and used it for Elizabeth. A common thread between all three toys is that the person who brought them to life all thought they were already alive in some way: Cassidy considering the plushies his friends, Jake hearing Simon talk to him every day and considering him a fellow kid, and Henry being desperate to have his daughter back and pretending Ella is her.

This would be similar to the novels where William is very interested in the Ella doll and wants to study it. It’s actually his main motivation throughout the trilogy, to get his hands on that doll and understand what exactly is going on with it, so I think there being an equivalent to it in the games is logical. Another similarity can be made between Simon and Theodore, a bunny toy Henry made for his daughter. It has recordings of his voice to talk to her, telling her that he loves her. There is also some… weird connection between Charliebot and Theodore that isn’t properly explained, we just know that Charlie was able to send a message through Theodore somehow. This is made more clear in the graphic novel, but it’s implied to be the case in the original novel too (or at least, it’s the only thing that really explains the message):

“Shining Star, Silver Reef,” John said, but Jen didn’t react. “I have to say, this is a strange place to call home,” he said, though what he wanted to say was, You owe us an explanation.

“A message.” She looked at Theodore’s head, then looked accusingly over her shoulder, though all that was visible behind her was a dark hallway.

She’s looking accusingly at Charlie, I’m guessing Theodore has some of her emotions since he was a beloved toy of hers as a kid, and she had him close to her in her room while she was in emotional turmoil during The Twisted Ones, using him for parts. The only other thing I can think of is that their connection comes from being made by Henry, who made them while he was in the middle of grieving Charlotte, as Charlie has a similarly strange bond with her adult body, even sharing memories with her.

You could compare this to the ‘link’ the animatronics have with each other in the trilogy, this ‘link’ is how William is able to control the twisted animatronics as Springtrap. No matter how it works, this is yet another talking toy, spoken through by dad, with some supernatural connection to the child they belong to— I’d personally call that a pattern. And honestly I wonder if Fredplush only had recordings of William’s voice like Theodore did, which is why Cassidy believed he was alive. Theodore is even told that he’ll be put back together by Charlie, which is notable to me since it’s a loaded phrase we don’t hear very often. I’m pretty confident about Simon/Ella/Theodore being able to explain the Fredbear plush.

I also think Jake’s similarities with Charlotte are often overlooked by the fandom. While Jake had a brain tumor like how Cassidy died through a traumatic brain injury, the Simon doll is akin to both Fredplush and Theodore, and Jake is more similar in personality/role with Charlotte. They’re more put together than other spirits and help the others find peace, wanting to look after them (Jake not wanting to leave Andrew alone and Charlie being determined to help Golden Freddy). Specifically they help them by giving them happy memories, which is how Charlotte helps Golden Freddy find rest, by fixing Cassidy’s birthday party. Unlike Charlie & Jake, Cassidy/Golden Freddy is the one who’s often framed as needing help and guidance from others: happiest day, “help him find his way”, “I will put you back together”, “rest your own soul”, faded reminding Cassidy of his memories, Golden Freddy’s isolation, etc.

I also think Charlotte is the player in the other minigames so she’s giving all the children their cake (I mean, that’s already the Puppet’s function). What Jake controls in the Stitchwraith is the head of the Simon doll, and Charlie’s soul seems to mainly connect to the Puppet’s mask too, as Larson can hear whispers from it. The Puppet is described as ‘doll-like’ in You’re the Band as well. Heck, Jake going on to possess a doll based on him feels like another Charliebot similarity. I’m not necessarily trying to argue parallel theory here, but it’s very common for stories to link various characters together through having them share similar elements. I think Jake having stuff in common with both characters prevents him from being a perfect counterpart to either.

I also want to point out that the Charliebot twist was foreshadowed even in the first book, which was written during Fnaf 3 and 4’s development. Charlie is often compared to the robotic Ella toy, her first body (like being the same height as her as a child and having the same clothes), she has three closets, one of them being her ‘big girl closet’ for when she’s older, Aunt Jen takes her back to the old house to open that closet, her skin is always clammy and her expression never changes, etc.

There’s also talk of memories/emotions lingering behind. So it was likely that agony was an idea in Scott’s mind even back during fnaf 4, though I do want to point out that the general idea of a child making an imaginary friend real or some horrific spirit birthing from a traumatic event aren’t even tropes exclusive to FNAF. So I don’t think the idea should be dismissed because agony technically wasn’t a thing yet, a toy coming to life isn’t some rare story idea, just look at Banette from Pokémon, a plush that was made sentient through its anger over being abandoned. Emotions having power is another common feature in ghost stories, so I don’t think it’s something that can’t be relevant to fnaf 4 despite us only knowing more about it later, especially since Scott often uses future media to explain stuff from the past that we didn’t get.

I think Cassidy bringing his toy to life is what William is trying to replicate through the nightmare experiments. He wants to see another toy come alive through agony, probably to figure out how he can do it himself (likely for the Spring Bonnie suit or wanting more sentient animatronics in general). I think he misunderstands it as something he can use to live on in a separate body, as opposed to creating a separate entity entirely (though maybe this isn’t totally wrong as agony is a form of remnant in itself). That’s why the fnaf 4 gameplay bedroom has many toys with faces, even on inanimate objects. The toy telephone, the robot, the weird green caterpillar toy(?), the Freddy and Foxy plush.

These are easier to anthropomorphize than any other object. Kids are more likely be attached to them, and I think William is aware on some level that an object becoming haunted through emotions is achieved through some level of attachment. In Dittophobia, the book that explicitly tells us that William experimented on fear with children, Rory doesn’t seem to be aware of Freddy’s at all. He doesn’t recognize any of the characters. However, he does really like rabbits, and I think that’s why there’s no Freddy or Foxy plush in his room, but there is a random bunny toy by the closet. The experiments might have even worked and be responsible for Shadow Freddy and/or Shadow Bonnie’s existence.

I don’t think Cassidy went through the nightmares seen in Fnaf 4, but I do think he had seen something similar to them in order to inspire William. Nightmares about scary, sharp looking animatronics that can be fended off with a flashlight (probably just of Spring Bonnie and Fredbear). Faded even asks him about his dreams in the logbook. I think these dreams were brought on by whatever he saw, which I believe was a springlock accident. This can be misconstrued as the animatronic coming alive and eating the person in the suit, which would better explain why Michael makes fun of him IMO. If he saw Charlie’s or Lizzie’s deaths, then Michael would know that despite Cassidy getting the wrong idea about what happened, that someone still died and that would reasonably explain his trauma (it feels overly cruel to make fun of a kid crying over seeing someone die/a person’s corpse). But if Cassidy is talking about something as outlandish as the animatronics wanting to eat people, many would find that silly.

A springlock failure doesn’t require someone dying either, in fact there’s protocol for an employee to find an empty room to bleed out so they don’t disturb the customers, yet the minute someone actually dies from one they’re discontinued. “Try not to nudge or press against any of the springlocks inside the suit. Do not touch the springlocks at any time. Do not breathe on the springlocks, as moisture may loosen them, and cause them to break loose. In the case that the springlocks come loose while you are wearing the suit, please try to manoeuvrer away from populated areas before bleeding out, as not to ruin the customer experience.”

Phone Guy mentioning specific ways to set them off such as moisture or touch suggests that FE learned about this happening from experience. So there have been accidents where someone survived (probably from not all the springlocks going off at once, maybe it was regulated to the arm or leg), I think Cassidy was witness to one of these, and Michael didn’t take it too seriously because they didn’t die, heck it was probably very hushed up so he could have thought Cassidy was making it up.

Honestly I kinda want the person he saw go through a springlock accident to be William, as he survived one in the novels and has scars from that incident. Seeing his own dad nearly die would explain a lot about why it deeply affected him, and it’d be easier to cover up the incident if the person hurt was one of the owners who doesn’t want to shut the place down. It also adds a nice element of irony to Cassidy being so scared of his dad getting hurt in an springlock incident before, only for him to be the one that triggered the accident that turned William into Springtrap later.

However, there’s no real proof that William went through a prior springlock incident (plus the one in the novels was likely done by Henry in order to kill him after the MCI), and I think Michael might take his brother’s fears more seriously if he knew the source is from their dad’s accident, though maybe he was able to shrug it off better after William survived and didn’t take the situation seriously anymore. The idea is cool but it kinda doesn’t matter who was hurt beyond the fact that it happened at all.

One of the hints to solve fnaf 4 was “what’s seen in the shadows is easily misunderstood in the mind of a child”, and the only shadowy things we see are the backroom where a shadowy William helps someone put on a suit, and the shadows of the springlock suits, so Cassidy stumbling upon a springlock accident happening in that room makes a lot of sense to me. It ties into his fear of the springlock suits without the misunderstanding being so mundane that it’s anticlimactic. We know that the springlocks are dangerous, and his constant crying is rather concerning—it feels a bit strange if whatever he witnessed was completely innocent.

During the final minigame where Cassidy dies for good, I think this is where Cassidy comes to possess his Fredbear plush and haunt the other toys with his agony, who were present on his deathbed. He possessed the Fredbear plush because he has the most emotional attachment to it, and it might have had some metal to it if there was a walkie talkie/speaker or a camera inside of it—this would be similar to Jake going on to possess Simon. I think William kept the Fredbear plush and donated the other toys to the prize counter (not being aware that they were infected with agony), where Charlotte went on to use them during Give Gifts, Give Life.

(One of the fake/real script pages posted on the official fnaf twitter as a teaser. In fnaf burning something is usually necessary to get rid of remnant)

It seems like the presents that the puppet gives away are the plushies nearby on the prize counter, so I think Cassidy’s haunted toys ended up being what Charlie gave to the MCI kids. She could have been following her programming, wanted to comfort the kids through giving them toys, or maybe a part of her knew there was something off with them and thought this could help Cassidy in some way. This caused a connection to be formed between Cassidy and the others, and after Charlie gave life to them, it caused Cassidy to become Golden Freddy. That’s why his jumpscare suddenly shows up after the last child gets their animatronic head. Cassidy calling the plushes his friends ends up being quite literal, the MCI kids are his “friends” now.

I don’t think the Golden Freddy we see is a suit but rather a pure ghost. The fifth child’s corpse shows up out of nowhere, and Charlie never interacts with it at all, which never made much sense to me. It implies that the corpse isn’t in the same room because otherwise she ends up completely ignoring it, which seems out of character, especially with the Puppet’s voice spelling out HELP THEM in the background—but Golden Freddy is the exception? This corpse is also missing in the fnaf 6 screenshot during happiest day, I think this meant to show that Golden Freddy wasn’t one of the children that Charlotte ‘carried in her arms’, but also that Golden Freddy is no longer the fifth missing kid in the MCI (also note how it’s during this image that Henry says it’s time for Charlotte and the kids she helped to rest, further excluding him from the group).

Similar to Jake only waking up after the Simon doll was put on the Stitchwraith, Cassidy only woke up as Goldie after Charlie gave life to the other kids by using his toys/remnant. Going by the angry jumpscare, he’s also quite upset about it.

I think the Candy Cadet story of the woman with the five keys and option to only save one child describes Charlotte during GGGL. She has the option to save one person, maybe bring a child back to life or help them move on, but she can’t pick one over the others, so she tries to save them all and ends up ‘trapping them’. If she didn’t stuff the children directly, I think she used Cassidy’s agony-infected toys to try to help them possess the suits. They would only be able to possess it if they died in the suit, that’s how it’s described in the novels (meanwhile in the games we’re always seeing corpses strewn about), but if they need Charlotte’s help in the games as GGGL indicates, then I think she had to use remnant in order to do so, with the plushies being put inside the suits.

I think this creates a nice character arc for her when she tries her best but ends up failing more than once (GGGL/HELPTHEM, SAVETHEM/You can’t), only to finally succeed in helping everyone move on during happiest day. Tbh I always leaned more towards PuppetStuff but I’m fine with WillStuff as long as Charlie is responsible for their possession, I think it’s more interesting if she makes mistakes before finally completing her goal in saving the others. I’ve also never been convinced much of any interpretation that doesn’t have to do with possession because of the phrasing of ‘Give Life’. This is a very different situation but in The Fourth Closet you also have Charlie ‘giving life’ through giving her adult body the Ella doll, which is similar to the plushie idea.

I think Charlie using Cassidy’s remnant to help the others possess their suits is also necessary to make the GGGL = Five keys parallel work. Golden Freddy is the only one Charlie doesn’t give a gift to, and if Cassidy was instead springlocked by William, then they were never ‘trapped’ by Charlie. They would just possess the suit on their own, even though the Candy Cadet story says five kids were doomed by what the young woman did, not four. But if Charlie gave the others Cassidy’s remnant, which also led to Cassidy himself turning into Golden Freddy, then the comparison fits better.

Golden Freddy is the most supernatural animatronic we’ve seen, he can teleport, fade from existence, transform into just a head, disappears in SAVETHEM when touched, his endo isn’t in the Help Wanted furnace when the other classics are there, and he doesn’t show up in HW at all, as if he’s not well known to the public. His head is straight up missing in the good ending of fnaf 3, and the logbook refers to him as a hallucination of a ‘strange animatronic’, implying he’s not real/physical. Ennard and Molten Freddy, who have a lot of remnant in them, can’t do any of this, Springtrap, another springlock suit, can’t do what Golden Freddy does either. The Stitchwraith, who is occasionally seen as a Golden Freddy parallel, also doesn’t work the same way he does.

He’s more similar to the phantoms and the shadows, who are often theorized to be agony beings, and I think Golden Freddy is more like an agony being than a possessed suit. In Fnaf 2 he looks broken down, but is suddenly fixed during Fnaf 1. This doesn’t make much sense when springlock suits are discontinued so they have no need to him to be around. Yenndo in Sister Location works identical to Golden Freddy during Custom Night, and appears suddenly during night 4 instead of Funtime Foxy.

I think Golden Freddy looks different based on the status of the other classic animatronics, he’s withered when the others are, he has a Funtime endoskeleton when the others are in the Funtimes, he’s a child ghost after the others get dismantled etc. Another point about his appearance just matching Freddy’s, he’s depicted with 4 fingers when Fredbear should have 5. Spring Bonnie has five fingers, and Dreadbear, a variant of Fredbear has five as well. Golden Freddy doesn’t have 5 because his design is based on Freddy, who isn’t a springlock suit.

Recently we learned that Golden Freddy in the movie was originally supposed to have someone in the suit to control him like the other animatronics, but this was shut down by Scott because “Golden Freddy doesn’t move”, this adds more to the idea that he’s just an apparition IMO. He’s not like the others because he’s not a possessed suit.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Golden Freddy, Fredplush, and the shadows have similar powers. Golden Freddy also has a lot of decapitated head imagery: his jumpscare in fnaf 2, the Fredplush’s head appearing on a flower, and the Fredbear jumpscare in UCN involving him biting you. Makes sense for a ghost who died through a head injury.

This connection between Cassidy and the MCI kids would also explain why they seem to be stuck in his memories in the happiest day minigames. The main party room in Fnaf 3 mirrors Fredbear’s Family Diner, and the other minigames relate to Cassidy’s experiences in Fnaf 4 as well, even going in the same order you’re supposed to do the minigames, but backwards. He sees the shadows of Fredbear and Spring Bonnie before meeting a boy with a Spring Bonnie doll (Glitch minigame), a girl spreading rumors about animatronics killing you (Stage 01), a girl with a Toy Chica doll (Chica’s Party World), a boy with a balloon (BB’s Air Adventure), and finally sees a broken Mangle toy in his sister’s room (Mangle’s quest to get the cake to give to the other kids). I think the stage 01 minigame with the child who goes missing is referencing the rumors Cassidy heard as opposed to being something that literally happened.

Fnaf world makes this connection even more clear by having a side quest where you set up the happiest day minigames/hints for the clock ending in order to save Cassidy. Notably, the only minigame you don’t make is the party one for all the kids (which I think is because it’s the most vivid memory he has after death). A popular theory that explains the MCI kids being stuck in Cassidy’s memories is shattervictim, the idea that a piece of him possesses all the animatronics. I think this theory is sorta right? What loses me is the method, I rarely see an explanation for how and why it happens, especially since Cassidy is the only character it happens to.

I didn’t like this theory for a long time because of the lack of any clear explanation. Cassidy walking to Freddy’s offscreen and somehow leaving his memories behind doesn’t cut it for me. It just felt very wishy-washy, I don’t think it’s that easy to leave a piece of yourself behind, I think it has to be tied to an important object. I use him haunting his toys and those being given to the MCI kids to explain it.

This ‘shattervictim + goldenvictim’ combo might be why getting the Golden Freddy poppet in Help Wanted 2 involves pouring five different flavors into one drink (four flavors coming from the soda machine and the fifth one from the sodaroni drink on your desk, making it stand out from the others). Connecting five different dead kids together creates Golden Freddy (the fifth one not being murdered by William Afton?). Perhaps this is why their ghosts stay behind even after the suits are destroyed while the Toys (if they’re possessed by the DCI) don’t seem to have any souls trapped in them after getting scrapped. Their bond with Cassidy prevents them from moving on until he’s ready to go too.

When I compare GGGL with Happiest Day they seem like parallels to me, the way nothing can be done to Golden Freddy until the end. Golden Freddy can’t come alive if the others aren’t possessing their animatronics, and he can’t move on if the others aren’t at peace too. I think it gets really messy if you have to add another kid in here. If Golden Freddy isn’t ’shattered’ himself, and rather just has a piece from CC, then I don’t really get why he can only receive a cake after everyone else had theirs. Under shattervictim he shouldn’t be treated as any more special than the others, yet he ends up being the center of happiest day. I believe this works better with CCassidy as Golden Freddy getting his ‘pieces’ back from the MCI kids, being ‘put back together’. The kids having his memories mixed in with their own, plus having their remnant taken away and used for the Toys & the Funtimes, might also be why they’re apparently less aware than Charlie, who never went through that.

Despite Golden Freddy being a ghost, I do think that Cassidy has some sort of connection to the Fredbear suit that bit him (possibly turning the purple accessories black as well), in fact I think this is why he’s ‘broken’. William in TFC tells us how “The spirit follows the flesh, it would seem, and also the pain”, the Fredbear suit could have chunks of Cassidy’s head and blood on it, as well as being something he directly cried on. There is a lot of “pain” tied to that suit; the fact that it’s responsible for his death should hold some significance to his spirit. And I know many will disagree but honestly the way this is phrased makes it seem like flesh and pain are separate ways for possession to take hold, pain referring to emotional pain and/or what caused the pain/death in the first place, that being the animatronic suits.

Cassidy’s spirit feels a connection to this suit and is compelled to possess it, but he’s having trouble because he’s also about to possess his plush, which already has his agony. That’s why he needs to be put back together, he’s being torn in two and has poor control over the suit as a result. This suit might be the yellow suit in the back during fnaf 2 if it’s not Spring Bonnie (and if Cassidy doesn’t have much control this would explain how William was able to use it unscathed, and why he decided to use a suit that was apparently haunted by a child he killed in the first place), I just don’t think it’s physically teleporting around or ever attacks us, Cassidy’s ghost follows wherever the MCI kids go.

William’s plan in the novels is… confusing but he’s trying to possess the amalgam by moving his flesh inside the animatronic piece by piece. He’s able to interact with the kids this way and seem familiar to them (despite them recognizing him as their killer before) as Spring Bonnie is present in their spiritual plane. And Afton is still mostly whole in the novels, so even a little bit of flesh can cause a connection, it looks like.

I think if the Fredbear plush was ever put inside the suit, this would allow Cassidy to fully possess it (similar to Charliebot) and able to attack/move normally like the other kids. But whenever we see Golden Freddy, the plush and suit are not together, hence the ghostly projections attacking us instead. I do wonder if William tried combining them together as an experiment, but it feels kinda useless since he’d had to take it out sometime before SL anyway. If I spitball for a minute, I'd guess the logic here is that William wanted Cassidy to lead the other kids and assume that as his son that he'd listen to whatever dad says, so this would let him have control over all the kids. But Cassidy is "broken" and can't even remember his dad well, so he took the plush out to work on "putting him back together", not knowing that he’s likely making it worse by having the two separate like that.

Something that makes me consider this more is how Fredbear plush seems to be right next to a (notably non-possessed) Fredbear suit in Into the Pit. If you check the presents enough times it comes out and looks noticeably lighter than the Freddy plush in the prize machine, while also matching in color with the suit close to it. If you zoom in and compare to the other toys, its sclera seems to be black like Fredplush’s eyes while the others are blue/pink/purple. Not to mention how the Youtooz Into The Pit merch set has a Fredbear plush pin (which had me really excited at the idea that it’d be significant to the game as opposed to just an Easter egg lol).

I think it mostly exists so that you can trade this for an important item if you missed out on something else earlier (that was me and I was worried that I got softlocked lol), but it is interesting how this possibly shows that the Fredbear plush isn’t always at the office. If I think about it, there’s nothing saying that the Fredbear plush can’t teleport around like in Fnaf 4, with William bringing it back to the office when he finds it (imagine how annoying this would be for him haha). Dittophobia never says the plush is present in the facility anywhere, either. I’m not completely certain it’s not just an Easter egg but it’s intriguing to me. With this idea in mind, having them so close together but still separate almost seems a little sad, Cassidy is this close to having a proper vessel like the others, as opposed to his consciousness being split apart.

I want to end this section with my take on the ‘why would the tiny toy chica be missing her beak’ question. This has stumped me for a long time because of how specific it is. It’s not calling out the similarities between the fnaf 4 minigames and the fnaf 3 minigames because Toy Chica isn’t missing her beak in that minigame, it could be hinting that Toys Girl possesses a version of Chica or that Toy Chica did the bite of 87, but how does that help us solve fnaf 4? This is one of the only hints Scott gave us yet it doesn’t actually tell us anything that important (and TWB implies withered Foxy did the bite anyway?). Dream theory explains this pretty well in a way that’s very relevant to the story, but I don’t think that was the intent for fnaf 4 at the time.

I couldn’t come up with anything that satisfied me until I saw Cosmo’s video about his own take on the fnaf 4 clues. He proposed that the Chica doll took off the beak on its own because it’s actually made by William in order to lure kids like the Funtimes. I don’t agree with the exact idea, but it made me consider that the Chica toy could move by itself and took off its beak instead of the girl breaking it, which made more sense to me if it’s actually haunted like Fredbear plush is.

That made the significance of this clue far more understandable to me, Scott was trying to hint towards the idea that a child can bring their toy to life, but ended up being too vague. Scott calling attention to this was supposed to make us think of Toy Chica, who was possessed and therefore not acting normal, doing it on her own in fnaf 2. This was supposed to mean that the toy worked the same way, instead of the girl breaking it herself. Maybe we were meant to believe she wouldn’t break them on purpose since she clearly likes her toy collection, telling Cassidy to admire it as if she hasn’t even noticed that the beak came off. She also seems older than a toddler who are more prone to accidentally damaging their stuff. We didn’t have much reason to think that the toy was haunted at the time with just this, but if this was Scott’s intent I can see the little details pointing to it.

Just like Cassidy, she brought her Chica doll to life, and just like Cassidy, she copies her toy in death. As Golden Freddy Cassidy will teleport, turn into a head, and have black eyes with white pupils just like his Fredbear plush. As Toy Chica this girl will take off her beak just like her own Chica doll did. I think she’s a prototype version of Susie, given the design similarities and connection to Chica. She has short blondish hair that can grow out in a couple of years, a pink shirt like Susie’s pink dress, and a red bow in her hair like Susie too (I believe in ToysMCI or the very least the MCI kids having influence over the Toys). In a very roundabout way, this was supposed to hint towards both goldenvictim and agonyplush.

[The fifth child] 5200+

How does the MCI work if William’s younger son is Golden Freddy? The original newspapers during fnaf 1 tells us that two kids were caught on camera being lured to the backrooms on June 26th, and this led to the arrest of the man who did it the following day. Later on, we hear about five kids total being linked to this incident, and that their bodies were never found.

What I take from this is that the two kids who were caught on camera were killed last, and the other three were kids who were already reported missing, but weren’t known to be victims of the same perpetrator until the police investigated more. If they were all lured on the same day, it’s strange how they were only aware of two kids being gone at first (to the point of making an entire newspaper about it, talk about jumping the gun), as if they only ever had camera footage of those two being tricked and figured out the rest with other means. This leaves room for CC to be Golden Freddy, as it’s possible that the fifth kid was either wrongly associated with this incident, or just wasn’t stuffed into an animatronic like the others. I usually go with the latter, I think this child was kidnapped by William for the nightmare experiments.

The secret office with the observation cameras in Sister Location was supposed to reveal to us that William was experimenting with children, by giving them nightmares similar to Fnaf 4. I think the Funtimes were originally built to kidnap kids for these experiments as opposed to murdering them to farm remnant. In the novels, Elizabeth seemingly dies before the MCI and as Circus Baby, she kidnaps children for her father with her stomach claw. None of those children die after she grabs them or are even injured, so Elizabeth’s death seems to have been a genuine accident on William’s part. Circus Baby would have only been recently made so I can see there still being kinks to work out/some sort of malfunction happened.

We hear about how there was a springlock suit meant for Circus Baby Pizza World (which is different from the rental service, it was open for one day because Lizzie died), but springlocks were discontinued before the MCI even happened, so this puts Lizzie’s death before the MCI. We are also told that the rental service opened after the closure of a successful Freddy’s, I think this was the 1985 Freddy’s location after the MCI occurred. The article talking about the gas leaks that closed down Pizza World tells us that the rental service will be open soon, so Pizza World was open before the MCI and the rental service was open after Freddy’s shut down.

I think another possible date that helps us put a timeline to this is the 1, 5, 7, 8 numbers that Circus Baby repeats in random order. These come back in fnaf AR so they seem to still hold some significance. I think this is either Lizzie’s birth date or death date. Death date makes more sense to me as it would also be important to the Circus Baby AI as it’s when she killed Elizabeth. For 1985 we have either 1/7/85 or 7/1/85, so January 7th, 1985 or July 1st 1985. I think the first one makes more sense as Lizzie’s death date, which gives William enough time to set up the rental service and the bunker after June 1985.

This is all important because I think William wanted to kidnap kids for the nightmare experiments around the same time he did the MCI. Because his Funtime kidnap plan fell through, he still needed to get a subject, so I think he kidnapped a child from Freddy’s. Similar to Dittophobia, he only kept track of this child for a short amount of time (Rory’s notes stop a month after his 7th birthday, the same age he was kidnapped at) but instead of keeping this child for ten years, I think he killed them. William often kidnaps kids then kills them: The Silver Eyes trilogy where Charlie is kidnapped from Fredbear’s Family Diner, the movie where Garrett is kidnapped then killed, arguably Dittophobia (Rory’s memory is completely fucked, I think William lied about him willingly running away), and Toy Chica the high school years, where Toy Chica knocks someone out then shoves him in the back of her car, which sounds like this child wasn’t killed at Freddy’s, but taken from there.

Toy Chica even describes how she will manipulate the child into thinking that she saved him from a kidnapper, this can be compared to William convincing Rory into thinking the bunker is a safe haven for him. I think the cameras during 1985 probably worked similar to the ones in Fnaf 1, where the guard will only see something happen if they’re looking at the camera at the right moment. That’s how it was missed that William lured two other kids to the backroom and took a third kid to his car.

This part will be more speculative, but I think this child could go on to possess Balloon Boy (I’m not joking). I think the toys aren’t possessed by the DCI but rather the MCI. It works similar to the Funtimes where they have their remnant from the withereds being used for parts for the toys. ‘Something borrowed, something new’ was one of the teasers for Fnaf 2 that I think hinted at this idea. Even without remnant specifically existing, it’s not a stretch to imagine a robot will become haunted or behave erratically from being given parts from another possessed robot.

The problem comes from Balloon Boy, as he seems to be designed very differently from the others, he doesn’t even look like he has an endoskeleton, so he might not have been given any withered parts. He’s also conspicuously absent during SAVETHEM even though literally every other animatronic can be found there, even Golden Freddy. So is it even possible he’s possessed by a DCI kid?

I think it’s likely he was made prior to 1987 like the puppet, and that it was even William who made him, as Balloon Boy heavily resembles the doll-like figures in the SL bunker. He might have even resided in the bunker first before being used for the fnaf 2 location. I think overtime William grew frustrated with the lack of progress with the nightmare experiments and decided to just make the kid possess Balloon Boy, explaining his haunted behavior such as disabling your flashlight and getting the others to kill you by calling them over. He can’t kill you himself but he’s certainly going to try his best.

If I’m going to be honest I want this kid to be Sammy because of the scene in The Twisted Ones where Charlie mistakes a Balloon Boy for her brother lol.

Hello? A voice called again. She put her hands on her head, forcing it back, and looked up to see several children standing around her, all with plump little bodies and broad smiling faces. Sammy? She moved toward them instinctively. They were blurred, and she couldn’t see their features. She blinked, but her vision didn’t clear. Don’t trust your senses. Something is wrong.

It would also match Charlie’s own possession where neither were stuffed and just died near an animatronic. William could have an easier time kidnapping Sammy because Sammy would be familiar with him and likely to trust him, since he’s friends with his dad. Sammy doesn’t die in the novel trilogy, but Charlie also isn’t an android in the games. I think it’d be kinda weird for Sammy to not exist because Henry was introduced having twins, it’d be like if Elizabeth was novels exclusive and William didn’t have a daughter in the games even though he appeared in a book first having just her. I’m not dying on this hill, I just think it would fit pretty well and it would give a name and identity to the fifth victim. This would also be rather fitting with JJ looking like a twin of BB, perhaps she’s a hallucination projected by Balloon Boy, based on vague memories of his sister.

Into the Pit might help my case here as BB is the protag in two separate minigames involving the dead kids (he’s even the ‘fifth child’ paired with four other kids in one of them), and there's a Balloon Boy figure on either Henry or William's desk, which could mean he was around even in 1985.

Another option is Andrew, especially if he’s still TOYSNHK in the games. Whoever TOYSNHK is, seems to be familiar with the nightmare experiments (the bedroom is even the last ‘office’ you can unlock, which might mean it’s supposed to be important), so Andrew might work if he’s still TOYSNHK. I do like the idea of CC pushing the fifth child out of the Golden Freddy role only for the fifth to come back later as TOYSNHK, even if GoldenTOYSNHK seems to be the clear intention (my thoughts on the VS are, complicated but that’s for the next post). There’s also how he says “story of my life” when Jake tells him that they’re in the back of a truck, though it’s specifically one filled with garbage. That could be a reference to Andrew being knocked out and taken to William’s car, but it can also be a reference to him being treated like trash or something. Again, I like giving the fifth victim a name, so I’m open to the fifth victim being either of them. Maybe it’s even Michael Brooks who was Golden Freddy in the novels IDK.

I think it’s also possible that they were made to possess Funtime Freddy once William was done with them. Funtime Freddy already lives in the bunker and we see the shape of a child inside the stomach tank in his blueprints, similar to Circus Baby. We don’t know if the Funtimes got to kill/kidnap anyone during any party they were rented out to, so if that didn’t happen than Funtime Freddy never got to use his stomach claw, unless he killed the experiment victim. If there’s a spirit inside Funtime Freddy that’s more ‘whole’ than the others, having a similar awareness to Elizabeth (being fully possessed as opposed to relying solely on remnant from other sources), then that could explain why they were able to kick Elizabeth out of ennard (the last line in particular ‘say goodbye to our friend!’ sounds like something from FT Freddy as well), and why Molten Freddy is clearly controlled/led by Funtime Freddy of all animatronics.

It personally always weirded me out how they kick Baby out specifically for being bossy, but then let Funtime Freddy be in charge with no input from the others. I think that makes more sense if he has a spirit of his own that has more awareness. There’s also how ennard uses ‘we’ and ‘us’ while arguing with Baby, but starts using ‘I’ and ‘me’ as Molten Freddy, as if only one soul is calling the shots. The fifth child possessing another Freddy would also make for a good parallel to Cassidy, especially with FT Freddy & Bonbon being similar to Cassy & Psychic Friend Fredbear.

They could also possess the Cupcake instead, perhaps by being stuffed alongside Susie in Chica. The Cupcake in the movie acts like they’re possessed, even being the one who killed William, which sorta fits if the fifth child/Cupcake in the games is TOYSNHK still. The Week Before implies this further with how it will kill someone even when far away from the pizzeria (and therefore far from Chica too) and how it even runs/hops away from her at one point, which hints at a sentience separate from her. I know it being possessed by Susie's dog is a popular idea, but I struggle to figure out how that could have happened. In the novels her parents are aware it was hit by a car, so they likely found its corpse on the road, meaning William couldn't have gotten his hands on it. Though maybe it's different in the games I guess I dunno.

Another possibility for the fifth child is that Elizabeth was associated with the MCI as a child who went missing recently. William would have to cover up her death as he can’t let anyone know that his animatronic killed her, her known circumstances could be vague enough to make people think she was one of the kids killed by the same serial killer. This would sorta make sense with how she gets paired with the MCI under MoltenMCI, the idea that the MCI’s remnant is in Molten Freddy/ennard. Personally I prefer the experiment victim theory (kidnap5th?) but this would leave fewer loose ends as we wouldn’t know much about the experiment victim despite them being the fifth child. I also prefer the idea that William lied and made it out like Lizzie was killed in a springlock accident instead, being the same one we heard about in fnaf 3 that discontinued the springlocks, as it fits very well with it happening in a ‘sister location’.

This even goes well with the gravestones in Fnaf world, 6 altogether, with one off the side. And this was in the same update that teased Circus Baby/Sister Location coming soon. The seventh dead child should be Elizabeth, the new kid we’re about to meet. The six are the four MCI victims, CCassidy, and Charlotte (or Elizabeth is one of the six gravestones while Cassidy is off to the side as it wasn’t directly his dad’s fault that he died, while Baby was one of his own machines, it doesn’t matter). CC is likely involved because this is right after Fnaf 4 where we see him die, and Fnaf world’s secret lore relevant quest is about putting him back together. So I believe he should be one of the graves. But if both CC and Elizabeth are included, that leaves no room for the fifth missing child, unless it’s just Elizabeth.

The last possibility for the fifth victim is Charlotte, I don’t think this is completely implausible? It would certainly fit with how often she’s associated with them, but there’s a few issues with it. First of all it’s very likely that she died two years before them, so her being linked to the incident is a bit strange, though it’s possible that after someone was caught they looked into past incidents at Freddy’s and thought it made sense for this serial killer to have also targeted her since they’re using Freddy locations to find their victims. Another problem is that her death seems to be public, as her corpse wasn’t hidden.

Maybe she hid her corpse after waking up as the Puppet, as some sort of childish notion that her dad would be upset to see it, or an employee found it first and Fazbear Entertainment decided to cover it up, as they’re inclined to sweep everything under the rug. I think this would also make a lot of sense if she died after Cassidy, so the company didn’t want to be associated with another death so soon, or she was the first death and they didn’t want anyone to know about her corpse at all.

“Three children are now linked to the incident” doesn’t have to mean anything recent, after all in the novels it’s implied that the MCI lasted months (“As we all know, Michael was not the only child lost during those terrible few months.”), and it’s very common for serial killers to go years without hurting anyone, which the police could wonder about once they find out about missing kids at Freddy’s, whether it’s this guy’s first time kidnapping/killing kids or not. However, there isn’t really any indications of this outside of Charlie constantly being associated with the MCI. I suppose you could take Henry describing Charlotte’s death as a ‘wound first inflicted’ on him to mean that his child also went missing like the others. We don’t really know anything about how Charlotte’s death was perceived by the public, not even if William was suspected for it. In the novels it was covered up to the point no one knew she was taken instead of her brother.

There’s also the Fazbear Entertainment policy around dead bodies we hear in fnaf 1, being that any corpse found is explicitly covered up and a missing person report is made within 90 days. “Fazbear Entertainment is not responsible for damage to property or person. Upon discovering that damage or death has occurred, a missing person report will be filed within 90 days, or as soon property and premises have been thoroughly cleaned and bleached, and the carpets have been replaced.” However I always figured that was made in reaction to the MCI in 1985, because of the animatronics killing most of the security guards. The kill count would be too high for the restaurant to stay open. In this case they’d have to always been really damn shady as opposed to slowly growing more corrupt as more murders happen and they didn’t want to close.

I mean ig the springlock suits were always a thing and those had rules that were very dismissive of employees’ safety (make sure not to bother the customers and bleed out where no one can see!). I suppose this could also explain how they didn’t have the right victim count for the MCI at first, the other three kids going missing was covered up by FE until the last two were caught on camera and brought to the attention of a reporter.

It’s also possible that Cassidy and Charlotte’s deaths were the start of their downfall into prioritizing the company’s reputation over human lives. Pigtail Girl even jokes about the employees hiding your body if the animatronics kill you, though I think that’s just a rumor, it does end up being accurate in the future (I know people often read that as the animatronics stuffing people, but notice how she says ‘they hide your body and never tell anyone’, the animatronics don’t talk lol, and presumably the people hiding the bodies are also the same ones not talking about it, given how she words it). But honestly idk. I do like it because of how much Charlie is considered an honorary member of the MCI though.

In fnaf 6 we also have Henry talking about Follow Me, where he claims that William lured ‘them all back’ to the safe room again. This phrasing is interesting to me because we never actually see the Golden Freddy kid lured away by William, and if Henry knew about this by investigating the old pizzeria and finding the animatronic parts on the floor, then he would see that only four animatronics were lured by William. Henry doesn’t seem concerned about the missing fifth child at all, which makes me think that he already has them accounted for. He’s aware that the fifth victim mentioned in the newspaper is either his daughter being associated with the incident, William covering up Elizabeth’s death, or that the fifth victim was kidnapped and experimented on. If he doesn’t, then he should be worried about how to find them or mention that they’re missing. It also implies that he thinks only four children were lured to the safe room.

The only other thing I can think of for the fifth victim is that the fnaf 1 newspapers are about the DCI instead, where we have another set of five murdered children. There is a really interesting post on this that theorizes that Cassidy is the sixth DCI victim, where William uses the Fredbear suit to kill five kids and then stuff Cassidy into the suit he used (which is similar to the novels Golden Freddy who was killed first by William in a Fredbear suit then stuffed inside of it). I particularly like the idea that the Fnaf 2 location used to be Fredbear Family’s diner and that’s why the Fredbear suit is there. I don’t agree with everything in that theory but I really like the new take on how the MCI/DCI work. They bring up a lot of interesting points I already agree with.

Something else that could add to Golden Freddy not being an MCI kid is the Help Wanted 2 gravestones. Let’s ignore the order for a second and look at how the kids are numbered.

Chica/Susie—0

Foxy/Fritz—1

Freddy/Gabriel—2

Bonnie/Jeremy—3

Golden Freddy/Cassidy—4

Puppet/Charlotte—5

We have six children/animatronics, but it only counts up to five. Idk what to make of Susie being zero, but I wonder if this could be alluding to only five of these kids being killed by William, with the one exception being his dead son. Maybe it would work better if Golden Freddy himself was zero, but I think the idea still works even like this, because the important part is not who is zero, but that they only make up a total of five.

My take on how they’re numbered is that it’s the order they found peace. In fnaf 3 you have to give the kids the cake in this order: Susie, Fritz, Jeremy, Cassidy, with Gabriel’s cake being given at any time you want, so you can put him in between Fritz and Jeremy like in the gravestones.

I like this idea since it fits with how the gravestones work. An effigy is made of the ghost children, with them wearing the happiest day masks, and you light the gravestones like you’re lighting a candle, the entire process reminds me of someone trying to help spirits find peace or wanting to honor them. Another possibility is that it’s just a hierarchy thing: Chica is a part of the band unlike Foxy, Freddy and Bonnie are often paired together with Freddy being the leader, Golden Freddy and Puppet are the most mysterious animatronics and have many similarities, in this game they’re both the secret allies of the Voltron parody version of the animatronics. I think either works as opposed to a strict death order.

I’m not totally opposed to Charlotte dying last, I think it would make a lot of sense with the Puppet being recontextualized as a security robot in fnaf 6, especially with what looks like wanted posters in the alleyway. There are certain details that don’t really make it fit for me, but that’ll be for later when I go over the death order in more detail.

Going back to the experiments, there’s something pretty disturbing about them besides the obvious. In Dittophobia Rory describes the Afton family house but is familiar with it like it’s his own home. His mom picked out the wallpaper, his grandma made the quilt, that’s his dad’s chair, etc. He starts to question his memory later on, and we’re left wondering just what from his memories he actually got right. Did his grandma make the quilt for his real bed, or was it something Cassidy’s own grandma did for him?

In the observation maps in SL, we see one for Fredbear’s Family Diner and the Fnaf 4 gameplay house and how they’re connected. Is this the original diner, or some sort of recreation of it? Did William put the experiment victim through the bite in order to kill them (or maybe they got clawed by Funtime Freddy as an equivalent)? Is he trying to make the kid think they’re part of the Afton family, like what Glitchtrap might be doing to Vanessa and Gregory? Heck, this is supposed to be a pizzaplex story and Rory even sounds similar to Gregory.

This idea that William tried to brainwash the experiment victim is why I like the idea of this kid being Sammy, because it feels oddly fitting for William to try to replace Henry in Sammy’s mind as a way to screw with both. One problem that could be present with Sammy being the fifth victim is why Henry never mentions him. In the novels, Henry was so fixated on Charlie’s death that he forgot about his son, so something similar could have happened here (poor kid lol), but I do think there’s other explanations for this. He might be aware that Sammy has already moved on (if he possessed Balloon Boy) or knows he’s in Molten Freddy (if he possessed Funtime Freddy).

We know Henry had to visit the bunker in order to get that blueprint for the scooper, he could have also read out notes about what William did to Sammy, which might include the animatronic he possessed. Balloon Boy’s parts are in the fnaf 3 location which gets burned down, so that should have freed him according to what Henry knows about remnant. Funtime Freddy was a part of Molten Freddy who he already had a plan for. Another option is that he just doesn’t know that his son possessed anything. It’d be rather ironic for him to be so focused on Charlotte that he never figured out that Sammy is still around in diet Ennard.

I mean he also doesn’t mention CC, which either implies he’s unaware of his continued presence or doesn’t care as much. We literally see him around in the logbook right after this (not to mention The Week Before) so just because Henry doesn’t say anything about it doesn’t mean it suddenly can’t be true. I don’t think he was ever meant to be an absolutely reliable narrator, he has his own biases and limited info to work with (I will die on the hill that Shadow Freddy isn’t working for William)

Since Fredplush is present in the bunker and I theorize that Cassidy possesses it, I also think Cassidy is likely aware of the nightmare experiments (and maybe the plush absorbed agony from the victim(s)?). Coming Home, Alone Together, and the movie shows us that spirits are free to walk around wherever, being tied to a suit or having their corpse somewhere else doesn’t mean they’re stuck in a specific area 24/7. There’s an interesting detail where Susie is noted to be picked up by Chica at 12 am, and we also learn in the first game that the animatronics are only trying to kill people from midnight until 6am, where they can’t get to the guard anymore. William in The Silver Eyes says that the children ‘wake up’ at night as well. What I take from this is that the children are free to do whatever during the day, visit their families or just hang out at the pizza place, and when midnight strikes they suddenly take control of the suits.

This is sorta how I explain the discrepancy with fnaf 3’s follow me and the MCI’s remnant being in the Funtimes, the children are forced to go into the Funtimes when the classic suits are destroyed, because that’s their only tie left to the living world. The toys are scrapped by that point and don’t make for viable bodies. Cassidy probably works a bit different where he’s drawn towards wherever the MCI are at after midnight strikes to become Golden Freddy. This might even explain for why Fredplush doesn’t do anything to Mike, Cassidy is already in ennard or is manifesting as Yenndo (and considering how rare it is to see Golden Freddy in general, this kind of thing could just be difficult for him). I will also point out that while Golden Freddy teleports around, when you actually do see him he’s usually very still in a sitting position, just like the unmoving plush.

There can be an argument here for the plushie not being possessed, but black eyes with white pupils is typically supposed to indicate possession. Not just once, but twice now has Sanshee released a Psychic Friend Fredbear plush that calls him the “Possessed Fredbear Plush”, the more recent one being paired with a non-possessed Fredbear plush without the dark eyes, so there is supposed to be something strange going on with Fredplush. (the card also implies that he’s TOYSNHK which is really funny to me, love the image of this cuddly toy wanting to fuck William up. Though I wonder where the idea came from, the leading theories on Fredplush are that he’s William or Charlie, not TOYSNHK. I consider the possessed toy title more trustworthy than the card itself but it is interesting— wait, I just realized that ‘he’s here and always watching’ perfectly applies to the plush in fnaf 4… huh).

I know that merch isn’t supposed to be the most reliable for lore, but it’s just interesting to me how it’s been called possessed more than once (which would be rather misleading by this point), and it makes enough sense with how possession works that Cassidy is haunting his favorite toy. I’m open to the idea of the plushie in SL being a recreation, so the original could be anywhere, but I don’t really agree with it. The idea of William altering the plush to look possessed is a little odd to me, and we don’t see it being used in Dittophobia (though I suppose it could be for the neighborhood/diner experiments instead?).

I think the nightmares are a mix of Michael’s trauma over his brother’s death, his experience working at fnaf 1, and Cassidy haunting him and giving him the nightmares, whether intentionally or not (I also have a bit of a fringe theory that the ghosts of the MCI kids could be inside the dreams as the nightmare animatronics through Cassidy’s urging but it’s not something I feel strongly about). Dittophobia is paired with another story where we learn that being haunted by a ghost will give you strange dreams. I don’t think either of the Afton boys need to directly experience the nightmare experiments for Fnaf 4 to happen, I think Michael is too old for the age William usually targets for his victims, and it doesn’t make sense to me for William to be putting Cassidy through the fear experiments when at best, only Charlie has been dead by then. And even then I don’t see how Charlotte’s possession of the Marionette would inspire him to make the gas chambers.

I think it makes more sense for him to be inspired directly by Fredplush. The passcode for the cameras is 1983, presumably after the year Cassidy died. The passcode being for the year the experiments started would make it too easy to figure out, a date special to William feels more right to me. I also want to say that I think William can just milk Cassidy’s death in order to make Michael listen to him, that’s such a great way to guilt trip him that I don’t think the experiments are necessary to make him subservient.

Notably the animatronics look very different to Rory than in fnaf 4, they’re described as zombie-like and decomposing, as if they have flesh. I doubt William’s nightmare gas has the mannequins look the same to everyone, it’s probably just based on what they personally find scary. There’s also no mention of Nightmare or Nightmare Fredbear, and only four animatronic dots on the breaker room map, which implies that they’re exclusive to Michael and are probably more ghostly in nature. Cassidy made the animatronics in Mike’s dream look the same as his past nightmares about the springlock suits.

[First victim] 4000+

I guess I should go over who died first between Charlotte and Cassidy. I want to make it clear I think either is perfectly possible, but I do lean more towards Cassidy for various reasons. But first I want to talk something more fun, I like to think they were really good friends when alive. Charlie is protective while Cassidy is timid, she might have even developed her protectiveness from looking after him. They both seem to be outcasts, with Cassidy only having toys for friends and Charlie being bullied by the other kids at the party. Their fathers were friends and worked together at Fredbear’s, so at the very least they should be somewhat familiar with each other.

I also find it sweet how it’s Charlotte who gives the Golden Freddy kid his cake during happiest day. That minigame is clearly a recreation of Cassidy’s last birthday alive, so she’s either giving the cake directly to him or someone who’s taking his place. I’ve thought a lot about their possible friendship and I just think it’s very cute, a lot of little details just line up well. I also think it adds more to the story if William’s first victim is not only his partner’s daughter but his son’s best friend.

I’m going to go over the evidence for why both make sense as early deaths. The springlocks are still in use during Fnaf 4, and they were supposed to be discontinued before the MCI happened, as it was a springlock failure that discontinued them and William moved the suit after this was put into place, hinting that he used it for the MCI. This puts Cassidy’s death before the MCI. He also canonically died in 1983, Scott made it clear in a comment on one of matpat’s theories that the copyright 1983 was also meant to be the current year of the game, and since then we’ve gotten more direct references to the bite like in The Week Before or the ITP game.

William also uses his death date as a passcode for the nightmare experiment cameras, telling us that the year is important to him in some way, and also that they were made after the year 1983 had passed already. I’m not really convinced on the frights books being in the game continuity, but both they and the novels have 1985 as the MCI date, so I think it’s fair to assume that’s the same for the games.

Charlie also dies in 1983 in the novels, and Help Wanted 2 chose to have the puppet poppet be found if you use the 1983 code. Some think that it doesn’t mean anything because it was the original code, but I think it’s significant that they deliberately associated Charlie with the 1983 code. Between this and the novels, again I think it’s fair to assume she died in that same year. The Puppet poppet also seems to ‘replace’ Fredplush in the office, which I think is interesting given Fredplush’s association with Ella and such, but that’s more of a fun detail than anything important. For whatever reason this level is also called the puppet master. The animatronics present in this level are Ballora, the minireenas, and the bidybabs, so I think it could be referring to Ballora as the ‘leader’ here? She’s the Puppet’s mom lmao?

Henry also talked about a wound first inflicted on him, most say this is talking about Charlotte being the first victim of William, meaning he’s the first one who suffered the loss of a child because of him, which I can agree with. Though this phrase is so flowery I guess it can be taken to mean the MCI affecting his business. I think it makes more sense with how he says he let it “bleed out to cause all this”. He was so struck by grief over Charlotte that he never stopped William from committing more murders and making killer robots. Some also take this as confirmation that she died before Cassidy, but I don’t think that has to be the case. He’s clearly talking about children directly murdered by Afton, which Cassidy doesn’t qualify as.

What I find the most compelling is Charlie being responsible for the MCI’s possession, it just makes things far more cleaner for this to work if she died beforehand. If you think that she stuffed the bodies, she either has to die before them or on the same night it happened, so that she can find their bodies before the employees do. I think Charlotte fits better as a more experienced ghost vs GGGL being one of her first actions as the Puppet. Charlotte’s death also gives William an earlier example of animatronic possession. I like William witnessing multiple examples of supernatural phenomena (the plush, the Puppet, Circus Baby) to explain his interest/knowledge of it. Charlotte and/or Elizabeth’s deaths might have even recontextualized the plush’s ghostly nature for him, now wondering if his son is in the plush (or even the suit).

I can see why people might think she died afterwards. The Puppet is suddenly a security robot in fnaf 6, which has certain implications. This, as well as the posters in the alleyway, seem to imply that a murder has already happened, with those being wanted posters. I’m not saying this isn’t true for sure, but I find the evidence for Charlie dying earlier more convincing. And it’s honestly one of those theories that are hard for me to work with/explain if it’s not true.

The problem with Charlie dying afterward is how we’re constantly told the MCI happened in 1985 while Charlotte died in 1983. If MCI83 is true, that creates a very short timeline of events, at best Cassidy died a few months beforehand, so we need Freddy’s to be open and possibly Elizabeth’s death to happen during that timeframe too. It feels like a bit much at once for almost all of the major deaths to take place in the same year. Though admittedly this is mostly based on vibes than anything else, I think things just fit better if Charlie died before them and the MCI still happens in 1985. Maybe future games will prove me wrong, which is fine, but I’d have to get used to Charlie not being the first victim lol.

So I think I made it clear that both Cassidy and Charlie are some of the first deaths, but why do I think Charlie died a little later? Well I think the main thing that convinces me of it is the Puppet, or lack thereof. The Puppet is a very significant character to the story, yet he isn’t present at all in the Fnaf 4 minigames. No animatronic, no toys, no posters, no cartoon appearance, and no parts in the back room. This is very strange if he already exists at this point. Even if the Puppet was temporarily discontinued because he needed repairs, surely he’d show up in the marketing somehow? Someone having a Puppet plush, a picture of him somewhere? Heck, even toys of the fnaf 2 animatronics are here, yet there’s no Puppet?

We see the Puppet being damaged in Fnaf 6, but I’m more interested in why Scott decided to exclude the Puppet from the game during Fnaf 4’s development. I honestly don’t think there’s a good reason for why he isn’t around unless he wasn’t even created yet, which would automatically mean that Charlotte died after the bite. If he did need repairs and fnaf 4 takes place before he was fixed, then there should arguably be rumors of a child dying, some indication that the Puppet exists, and the neighborhood kids should understand Cassidy’s fear. That’s a very significant thing to just leave out, especially if Charlie’s death is the reason why Cassidy is so upset.

Foxy still has merch despite being out of order, and we know Glamrock Bonnie used to be in the band despite him being decommissioned. Animatronics don’t just completely disappear from the pizzeria because they’re not active anymore, there’s always hints that they were a thing. At the very least, I don’t think the Puppet kid dying before Cassidy was the intent when Fnaf 4 was first made. But maybe Scott changed his mind about this later idk.

There are other details too, such as how the Puppet is never associated with the Fredbear diner animatronics, and rather the Freddy gang. The Fallfest poster, Charlie’s connection with the MCI, SAVEHIM Freddy being the same brown as GGGL Freddy who’s different in color from the noticeably yellow Golden Freddy in SAVETHEM. I really think the Puppet was solely a Freddy animatronic. He doesn’t fit in with the springlock suits, he’d be the only “normal” animatronic. There’s no posters that have the Puppet with the Fredbear animatronics or have him associated with the diner at all. William has to drive away after he killed Charlie (in most MM theories), but his house is in walking distance when his son is alive.

But wait, doesn’t Charlie die at Fredbear’s Family Diner in the novels? Well, there’s no strong evidence that she or Sammy were meant to be the Puppet all the way back in The Silver Eyes when that was established. The only thing going for it is that both the Puppet and Sammy were unaccounted for. Except then the Puppet never shows up, it was always intended for Charlie to have died instead, and the Puppet was likely still a male child back then, since fnaf 4 is much closer to fnaf 2’s date than FFPS’s date. It’s not impossible that Charlotte was meant to be the Puppet since The Silver Eyes came out, but at the moment it’s very difficult to figure out when Scott planned for that retcon.

There are also barely any similarities between SAVEHIM/Security Puppet and Charlie’s death in the novels. In the novels, she was playing in a closet with her twin during a Halloween party, when William as Spring Bonnie suddenly came in and took her away, eventually killing her. In SAVEHIM, beta Charlie was outside crying when William suddenly showed up in his car and killed him. In Security Puppet, Charlie is locked out in the rain when William drove up and killed her. William in both minigames was not wearing his suit, and Charlotte was never inside the restaurant.

It’s also very unlikely that Charlie in the games died as young as Charlie in the novels. Charlie was dead at age 3 in the novels, this was necessary to explain her gaps of memory as a robot, as many people do not have good memories of their toddler years. She’d have less reason to question things and Henry wouldn’t have as much work to do if she was only three years old. It also gives her a deeper sense of vulnerability as she wasn’t able to do anything but cry as Sammy was supposedly taken away. If she was older, she could have tried to fight back or immediately run to tell someone what happened.

Her knowing Sammy as being kidnapped is an important detail as well, as William’s wham line in the second book “I didn’t take him, I took you.” would make FAR less sense if it was instead “I didn’t kill him, I killed you.” Not that it makes much sense in the first place without knowing the robot twist, but it’s even more nonsensical for the twins to be switched if one was certainly dead. At least you can sorta believe Charlie repressed being kidnapped by William until the reveal (her having a shoddy memory of her childhood is noted quite often). This is all necessary for the story of Charliebot, which doesn’t exist in the games as her own character.

In the games she is supposed to look after the other children as their leader and protector. This doesn’t work if she died as young as she did in the novels, especially when Henry describes her as having a protective nature. There’s also her voice in UCN, sounding like a young girl, but not like a toddler (apparently she was even voiced by a 10 year old, which is very different in terms of development compared to 3 years). She speaks clearly and coherently, which puts her at an older age. Ghosts are not shown to really grow up after death, the dead kids in the novel trilogy and in frights haven’t really matured despite their years of death, so that argument doesn’t work for me either. Some toddlers can develop faster than others, but Charlie in the novels is clearly more average and not particularly more mature than others her age. She only screams after Sammy is taken and is described as having babbled with him.

I don’t think she’s like, as old as Michael or anything lol. I put her more as 6-9, while Cassidy is 7-10 and Lizzie is 5-7 at time of death. None of these are that backed up by anything it’s more just vibes. Charlie has to be old enough to make sense as a more mature child, Cassidy has to be old enough for his crying to be seen as pathetic instead of understandable for a younger kid, and Lizzie just makes sense to me as the youngest Afton.

I like to think that when Cassidy died, she wasn’t at a good age to process death which is why Circus Baby makes her more excited than nervous, which would make more sense if she was only barely aware of how her brother died. It’s a distant memory, she might not have even been told what happened if she wasn’t there. The movie also has Abby not really knowing much about Garrett and having a significant age gap between them, his death didn’t personally affect her. Her voice also makes her sound like she’s 5 imo, the way she sometimes slurs her words together. If you take the 1, 5, 7, 8 as her birthdate, a possible birth year for her is 1978, which would put her at five years old during 1983.

Something else we know about Charlotte’s death date in the novels is that she died on Halloween. If this is true for the games, then that would also put her after Cassidy’s death, as his birthday is clearly during summer or spring break. But maybe it’s hypocritical to point out all the differences between Charlie’s death(s) and suddenly take the exact date as canon. Though I think that’s more harmless and can easily be applicable to the games, and if we’re taking the year as canon we can also take the month. There is another thing about it that makes me think she died later. At first, in The Silver Eyes ‘Sammy’ was noted to have died during the year 1982, but then this was retconned into being 1983.

This is honestly very unnecessary unless it was for a specific purpose, that being to leave room for Cassidy to die before Charlie. I will also point out that the rare screens in the alleyways of FFPS have many Halloween themed posters, which could be hinting that her death date is the same as in the books. I actually think Charlotte’s kidnapping and the bite of 83 were initially meant to be parallel events that closed down Fredbear’s Family Diner before Scott decided to make Charlotte and Henry canon to the games. Fnaf 4 had source code hints that went from 1987 to 1982 and finally 1983. I think it’s possible it was meant to be the bite of 82 at first before Scott changed it for whatever reason. My only guess would be to have a ten year gap between the bite and fnaf 1. I don’t really like the 1993 date for fnaf 1, but it is a popular take and TSE has Charlie coming back to town ten years after the MCI.

(I also personally think the 1987 stuff was a complete troll and not the original intent during development, nothing about how the bite works in Fnaf 4 matches with what we know about the bite of 87. Scott also completed the game much faster than he originally planned for, and there’s only so much time to make the Fredbear Family Diner pixel art. The 1987 references reminds me of Scott baiting the idea that fnaf 2 was a sequel if anything)

There are some stronger points to Charlie dying at Fredbear’s. First there’s the PizzaBear minigame at the beginning of FFPS that’s a deliberate callback to SAVEHIM, with PizzaBear looking like Fredbear (albeit with a black hat but it’s still very yellow for a Freddy) and having a shadowy clone ‘birth’ from him. Shadow Freddy is specifically a withered Golden Freddy (granted the Shadow Freddy in this minigame is gray instead of purple but). Then there’s Charlie dying in an alleyway that looks pretty similar to the FFPS alleyway, and Rockstar Freddy having purple accessories like Fredbear does. While it’s not confirmed that the FFPS location is the original Fredbear’s, it would make a lot of sense thematically for Henry to choose that location for his trap. PizzaBear being Fredbear also links Charlie to the diner. I personally think she did die at the same location as the diner, but it was rebranded as Freddy’s after the bite, and then closed for good after her death. Here’s a good post on it. I feel like it’s a nice narrative for the owners’ kids to die in the same building.

I also think there’s a bigger purpose to the Puppet not existing in fnaf 4, that being that he was made for Cassidy, either in his honor after death or something for his birthday. He looks oddly similar to the Puppet: the dark color scheme, the tears, the stripes, and the plushies. The Puppet gives plushies away, being surrounded by them in the prize counter, and Cassidy also clings to his own toys. He might have “given life” to his plushies just like how the Puppet “gave life” to the animatronics. His pose as he’s dying is very similar to the crying Shadow Puppet in Fnaf 3, who shows up as a large figure in Mangle’s Quest, mirroring Cassidy crying in front of a broken Mangle toy (that puts itself back together during the minigame, interestingly enough).

Image taken from here because I'm too lazy to edit

There’s also the clock connection, the Puppet ‘sleeps’ when the grandfather clock song is playing. Not only does Cassidy have a grandfather clock in his house, but clocks are what you need to find to ‘put him back together’ in fnaf world. Another possible similarity is the various Nightmarionne plushies around the pizzaplex, giving the impression that Gregory is being stalked, it’s oddly similar to how Fredplush works.

This was used as evidence in the past that he was meant to possess the Puppet at some point, before it was changed to be Charlie. After all, this is pretty similar to Elizabeth looking like Circus Baby, who was ‘made just for her’. I don’t think this is quite what it means, I have two different takeaways from this. The first is that Cassidy has a connection to the kid who possesses the Puppet, beta Charlie, and the second is that the Puppet was inspired by him in some way in-universe. Happiest day clearly involves Cassidy’s memories, with the goal of it being to fix Cassidy’s party by having the Puppet involved. This adds to the idea that Cassidy and Charlotte are friends imo, his party doesn't ‘go wrong’ when she's an active participant.

It’s never actually been confirmed that Henry made it, Afton could have created it instead, or maybe both worked on it together. The puppet is not only a security robot but a birthday animatronic made to give out gifts (his favorite plushies) and cake. We see this in the logbook with the happiest day coupon and a prompt asking you to make a new birthday animatronic with a picture of the Puppet on it. There could have been any number of reasons why Henry and/or Afton made it: sentimental reasons/to honor him, to keep Charlie company after losing her friend (Henry kinda does this in the novels, he gives her many robotic toys as companions, presumably to make up for being separated from Sammy), or even as a vessel for Cassidy to possess (yeah). If Afton wants to learn how to live forever as an animatronic, he needs to experiment and figure out how that’s possible, and Cassidy’s ghost is the best subject he’s got for a while.

I think it fits as he’s an oddly humanoid animatronic and has some similarities to the Funtimes, with the clown/jester/mime aesthetic. The minireenas in particularly look nearly identical. Heck there’s even a version of the Puppet that looks like Afton made it, with the Funtime faceplates. If that one was made by Afton, the original one could be as well—it’s even a Puppet Afton made that gives us the memory of Charlotte’s death. The SL office in UCN has the Security Puppet there too, further connecting it to the Funtimes (let’s just ignore Eggbaby lol).

I would also like to point out that the Puppet doesn’t exist in the novels, and this is the same trilogy where Cassidy has no importance to the Aftons or Henry's family (I’d say he doesn’t exist but there’s a boy in the MCI with a black-and-white striped shirt that cries a bit that I’ve been squinting at it…). The Puppet being a part of the restaurant points to it not being solely for Charlotte either. Charlie’s robotic toys in the novels reside only in her house, she’s rather protective of them, and none of them are characters part of the Fazbear brand unless it’s an alternate timeline from the novels, like Ella going from being a Charliebot to an alarm clock toy in frights.

If the Puppet was at Freddy’s, then she’d be forced to share it with the other kids. While this doesn’t mean it wasn’t meant for Charlie in some way, the purpose of it can’t just be Charlie’s protector, otherwise he shouldn’t be considered a Freddy’s animatronic, he’d just be Charlotte’s caretaker. The different colored bracelets and phrasing of ‘assigned child’ also implies that the Puppet can be assigned to other children. The idea of making a whole security robot just for one child sounds like a great way to piss off many parents, heck maybe that’s why the other kids were bullying Charlie, they were jealous.

Also if my theory that Sammy possesses Balloon Boy/Funtime Freddy is true, then there’s some nice irony going on here. Henry made the classics, which hold the souls of the MCI. William made the Puppet and Balloon Boy/Funtime Freddy, which hold the souls of Henry’s children. Idk it’s like symmetry lol.

I think the most reasonable idea I have is that the Puppet was supposed to debut on Cassidy’s birthday as a sort of gift, being the one to give him cake/a present like in the logbook happiest day coupon. I mean, he literally lives in a present box haha. Cassidy would have the “special honor” of being the first child the Puppet meets, perhaps also being the only one who gets a gift from him at the diner, since the Puppet seems designed for Freddy’s and would have been moved there after this. But since the prank happened before the Puppet could be set up, he never got to meet him, and it was quickly altered to have the security programming instead (maybe as a way to save face after Cassidy’s death— I can see William making it for his son’s birthday while Henry turns it into a security robot), before going back to being an animatronic dedicated to presents and cake.

This would grant more significance to Charlie/Puppet being the one to give him cake during the happiest day minigame, that’s what was supposed to happen originally. I also think it explains the randomness of the Puppet getting rid of the security features if that wasn’t even his original purpose. Like it feels kinda backwards for it to originally be a security robot only to lose that in favor of birthday stuff, doesn’t it look better for FE to keep something to protect kids around? Unless it was the security features that was the add on, and that didn’t even work out for them since a child died again, so why bother anymore?

[Nightmare Dreadbear/The Week Before] 3200+

For this section I want to go over more evidence that CC is involved in Golden Freddy. First there's Nightmare Fredbear’s voicelines from UCN. Something interesting about a few of them is how they reference Fredplush's lines.

Let me put you back together, so I can take you apart all over again / I will put you back together

We know who our friends are, and you are not one of them / We are still your friends, do you still believe that?

Him firmly declaring that William isn’t a friend matches well with the Golden Freddy kid in the movie being the only one who isn’t under William’s thrall (as confirmed in an interview where the actor explains that Golden Freddy was using Mike to get back at William). He has another line about “pulling you apart”, and the emphasis on this might be significant. The rest is just him talking about he’s no longer part of a dream/illusion (though it does make me think of Golden Freddy being more of a ghostly figure).

I find the callbacks to Fredplush’s lines intriguing, it’s like whoever is behind these voicelines has heard them before and is deliberately twisting them—perhaps the second line in particular is also a response to William’s “Because I am one of them” in TSE, as an explanation for why the kids won’t hurt him (especially since the ‘we’ is probably referring to Cassidy and the MCI kids, like how the ‘we’ from Fredplush is referring to himself and the other toys). Something even more interesting is how they show up in the background of the Curse of Dreadbear DLC. A DLC that is filled with Fnaf 4 references, having the Fnaf 4 house and animatronics, a new variant on Foxy (Grimm Foxy even resembles the Halloween versions of the nightmares) and Fredbear. Dreadbear even has a gapping torso like Nightmare Fredbear, just without the teeth, and his clawed hands resembled the claws of the Nightmare animatronics as well.

The minigame where you have to put a brain in Dreadbear feels very notable to me, it seems to imply that William was experimenting with Cassidy’s soul or corpse. If you fail the game you hear a flatline like at the end of Fnaf 4. Dreadbear used to be called FrankenFreddy, but even without that it’s clear that he’s based on Frankenstein, which is a story about a mad scientist taking pieces from other corpses to create artificial life. Frankenstein’s creator is often seen a failed father figure too, he didn’t provide any guidance and immediately rejected him when he wasn’t what he expected.

I wonder if this can be compared to William attempting to bring his son back to life and/or making him possess an animatronic. Maybe Nightmare Fredbear’s lines about “taking/pulling you apart” has to do with what William did to his son? Fsr the ultimate guide keeps mentioning this idea that someone put Cassidy’s soul inside of an animatronic. It’s brought up in both the Fredplush and Curse of Dreadbear sections. I mentioned before that William could have put the possessed Fredbear plush inside the suit and taken it out because Cassidy didn’t recognize him, this would arguably connect his soul pieces together, but taking the plush out would ‘tear it apart’ again. William removing the plush would also mean Cassidy loses out on having an animatronic body to walk in, and have to stay as a small plush toy. This all could have deeply upset him, explaining the harsh tone the voicelines have. Whatever William did to put Cassidy back together, he really didn’t like it.

The Toy Chica highschool cutscenes has Toy Chica take a piece of her victim’s body with her after she kills them. Could her trophies be symbolizing remnant? Chica has some obsessive interest in finding the perfect boy (which is an interesting way to frame how William chooses his victims, maybe implying he’s looking for something specific but the kids all fall short), maybe a way to do that would be to combine the parts she got from them into one being? Did William try to combine the children’s remnant together to create a new version of Cassidy?

That’s probably a big leap, but I think it makes sense if the cutscenes are giving us more info than him just killing people (whoa William is a murderer I didn’t know that). As many of her luring methods are quite ridiculous and don’t seem applicable to what he actually did (FLAF killed any theory that isn’t AftonMM so we can’t even use the part where she breaks a window to argue that’s about her luring a child from their house, and yes I’m bitter about it). The body parts Chica take also fit well together: two hands (a hook from Foxy and a paw from Twisted Wolf), two ears (from pigpatch and Toy Bonnie), an eye (a yellow eye from Funtime Foxy, Golden Freddy is often depicted with a single eye too), a top hat (from Freddy), and a face (from the Puppet).

Maybe it has to do with Golden Freddy’s creation and how it relates to shattervictim, like William having a hand in mixing up the MCI’s remnant with CCassidy’s (for what it’s worth, there’s a part in the keys story where the woman is directed by the person who kidnapped them all to choose one kid to save). Toy Chica quoting one of Fredplush’s iconic lines just kinda makes me wonder if this cartoon has anything to do with CC.

I also want to give my take on the seventh victim here. We never see Toy Chica kill the first victim, she just mentions him at the start, and he’s symbolized with a foxy hook. I think it makes sense if that’s for Cassidy, who was accidentally killed by his brother, who obviously has an association with Foxy (and William has some responsibility for his death since if he looked after his kids better the bite never would have happened). The next one in line is Freddy, who Charlotte has been connected with through Lefty and SAVEHIM, and then there’s Susie with her dog. But notably Toy Chica talks about running his dog over, not that he’s secretly alive. This to me shows that these luring methods aren’t completely one-to-one. The rest of the MCI follow, and I think the last victim would be whoever William kidnapped for the experiments.

Also in the logbook we have Faded asking Cassidy DO YOU MISS THEM? on the same page of a prompt that says: If you were to die in a grisly work accident, for instance being stuffed inside an animatronic suit, who are the people you would miss the most? Which directly implies that Cassidy has people to miss because he’s in an animatronic suit, enough said lol.

Other evidence that Cassidy is in Golden Freddy shows up in The Week Before. This book heavily suggests a connection between the two. Ralph dials 1983 on a phone, which plays out the bite happening, he still hears crying after he ends the call, and then gets bitten like Cassidy did, CRUNCH. The book cuts off before it says Golden Freddy did it, but I think it’s safe to assume it was Golden Freddy since Fredbear was the one who killed Cassidy. I’ve also seen it compared to the Fnaf 2 minigames that end with an animatronic jumpscaring you, like the Puppet after you see his death.

It also shows that Cassidy is just as violent as the other spirits, which makes sense to me since I never figured why he should be an exception to the rule. He talks about being scared in the logbook, but William calls the kids ‘vengeful, confused, and frightened’ in The Silver Eyes. We see Susie as a sweet girl and she still kills people as Chica (also Cassidy never does anything particularly kind when he’s alive anyway, being shy/timid/sensitive doesn’t automatically mean you’re nice).

There’s another scene where the book seems to be vague about Golden Freddy killing you: you can throw Mr. Cupcake in the vent to draw Chica away, but he gets bitten by a mysterious animatronic. This is described as scaring off both Mr. Cupcake and Chica, and when you look inside, you see glowing white eyes before he bites you. I think this is also likely Golden Freddy, which seems to put an emphasis between him and bites.

The book isn’t usually this vague about who causes your death, they’re named most of the time or you read about some ‘blue colored blob’ or a hook killing you, something like that. The animatronics also tend to get along or work together in the book, biting Mr. Cupcake is very mean and seems OOC for the others, unless we’re talking about Golden Freddy who’s typically a loner and cut off from the other kids in some way. Glowing white eyes are Golden Freddy’s signature too, so between this scene and the bite of 83 remake I think Cassidy is likely involved with Golden Freddy. It’s possible that it was one of the shadows instead, but they aren’t relevant/present in fnaf 1 and the kids don’t seem to be scared of them either. They follow Shadow Freddy with no fuss and Shadow Bonnie has been seen helping the children. It’s totally possible that it was one of them though, they both have glowing white eyes as well, I just lean more towards Golden Freddy.

Ever since the book came out I’ve seen a bit of a resurgence in GoldenDuo, but I didn’t notice any new evidence of two spirits in Golden Freddy. If anything, the fact that only CC is referenced makes it feel like he’s the only child possessing it. There’s one scene where he kills Ralph that people seem to believe confirms multiple spirits, but after reading the whole thing and finally understanding who “Bronwen Light” is I’m more certain that’s not the case.

With the limited info from spoilers I thought Bronwen Light was similar to Kelsey, some sort of fake person/projection, but having the full context I think what’s actually going on is much different. She’s a junior reporter who wants to reveal what’s going on with Freddy’s, but was rejected by her editor. She was interviewed by Ralph before the story but wasn’t hired. She finds out that the animatronics are planning to escape and hurt other people, and breaks in to stop them, but gets caught by Bonnie and later killed the same night, shoved into a Freddy suit. She leaves a recording for Ralph where she explains all this, and implores him to stop them from leaving in order to protect everyone.

What was weird about her was how she seemed to know too much, referring to Bonnie as Jeremy at first and knowing Coppelia’s name (mentioning her to Ralph so he can be concerned for her safety), so it came across like she’s a ghost or a projection from the one of the kids, but I think this can all be explained.

Bronwen did a lot of research, so I think that’s how she came across the names of the MCI and of Coppelia— before she broke in she actually tried calling Ralph at home, and if she can find his home phone number I think she can find the name of his daughter. Her knowing Bonnie is Jeremy specifically is more odd, but there’s a scene in the book that explains this. Ralph needs to stop Chica from attacking him and tries singing happy birthday to her, and a name pops in his head as as he does this: Susie, I think something similar happened to Bronwen with Jeremy, the name just popped in her head when she was attacked by him earlier.

In the phone recording where she gave all this information, she dies at the end, and I think her ghost is still around, because she talks to Ralph as Golden Freddy kills him. There’s an ‘angry onslaught of noise’ and then a woman’s voice says “It's me. Thank you... You did it. She'll be all right now. She's safe. She's safe..." This is almost certainly Bronwen to me, not Cassidy the little girl. It’s described as a woman’s voice, not a child. Cassidy shouldn’t really care about Coppelia, but Bronwen does.

"I've held on as long as I can, but I can't make it any longer." She laughs, bitterly.

"So this is my last night, too. Don't worry about trying to save me. It's too late. Just worry about saving your daughter. Save everyone else. Please, Ralph.” (From her voicemail) there was also a garbled ‘it’s me’ from her at the end of the recording, something that’s said by all of the animatronics in this book, not just Golden Freddy.

She thanks him because he listened to her and sabotaged the animatronics from escaping. Another option would be Ralph hallucinating all of this which would also make sense with how Golden Freddy works (he’s literally getting brain damage atm lmao), but it being Cassidy doesn’t work at all for me. Why would they comfort him when they don’t show any signs of trying to stop hurting him, even if it wouldn’t work and he died anyway? Comforting him implies some regret in killing him, yet they just continue?

Not to mention just how brutally he kills him, that doesn’t really track with how she reassures him. I guess you could argue GoldenDuo with this, CC doing the attacking and the fifth child trying to comfort Ralph, but shouldn't the fifth child have more control than CC? One was bitten and left a piece behind, the other was stuffed and more fully possessed the suit? And if Goldie is an apparition instead, I think that should mean only one kid is there anyway.

I guess another option is that Cassidy was mimicking Bronwen the whole time to trick Ralph, but that doesn’t mean Cassidy is a girl? Bronwen isn’t a made up persona, she has an actual corpse, name tag, and met Ralph before—Cassidy would have to use her voice whether they’re a girl or not. But I also kinda don’t see the point of Bronwen being Cassidy tricking Ralph, she DID actually come to Freddy’s and die (which is pretty strange unless she did believe they were going to break out, now that I think about it), she’s the only significant adult woman in the story, so I don’t see why it can’t be her real voice and ghost.

She even tells Ralph to call her mom, so she’ll know what happened to her and possibly get her writings about FE’s wrongdoings out into the world. If Golden Freddy is just screwing with Ralph, why bother saying this? How does he know Bronwen has a mother or that she researched so much about Fazbear Entertainment? Why would he care? If Goldie is trying to help Ralph and wants Bronwen’s mother to know what happened to her daughter, why does he kill him later, preventing him from doing so?

Her knowing that the animatronics want to the leave is the only suspicious part to me that can’t be easily explained, but letting Ralph know that isn’t going to help anything? They could just kill him or let him leave without having to worry about that, if anything it puts them at a disadvantage, especially when he starts messing with their charge later. The only purpose of this would be to mess with him more, like they want to bait him back inside to get another opportunity to kill him, which I can kinda see because Golden Freddy seems very hostile, to the point the others are scared of him (Chica is literally described as backing away from whoever hurt Mr. Cupcake). This would make Cassidy a pretty spiteful spirit though, not someone who cares about Ralph.

Tbh if anyone is pretending to be Bronwen Light to comfort Ralph I could see Charlotte since the phone Ralph gets from her spells out SAVETHEM at one point. A second ghost separate from the Golden Freddy suit comforting Ralph makes more sense to me because they wouldn’t be able to stop Cassidy from killing Ralph. The narrative of Brownen being a ghost kid who’s trying to stop the others from hurting people makes more sense with the Puppet than Golden Freddy too, like why is Goldie killing Ralph after he did exactly what he wanted lol. I think it’s possible there’s some ghost fuckery going on since Bronwen Light apparently sent the message the same day Ralph finds her decaying corpse, but that could be the phone acting finicky— Ralph listens to old recordings and haunted messages from the ghosts the whole book, I can see it just being delayed.

It’s also possible that she was just a ghost during the whole message and was pretending not to be dead, that was actually my first assumption when I first read it until the call ended with her being interrupted by a ghost child and dying. I can see it being either way. I think the second playthrough of the book might actually be Ralph haunting the place and not realizing that he’s dead, too. It’s weird how it starts with him having Bronwen’s phone though I guess it can be explained through him bringing his own phone. No matter what's going with her I don't really see how this proves that Cassidy is a girl.

I think(?) part of the reason why people believe Bronwen is just Cassidy is because people think she was shoved into a Fredbear suit, but the book is actually quite clear about her being stuffed into Freddy, it’s just a Freddy from the ‘Fredbear days’ (and apparently that only applies to the head too). Ralph doesn’t mention it being yellow like he does with Golden Freddy, and from what we know Freddy’s was open concurrently with the diner at some point during 1983. While I’m here Ralph isn’t said to be stuffed into Golden Freddy either, he says IT’S ME as he dies but so do a lot of the other animatronics in this book, so I don’t think that’s a good indicator for who he was stuffed into (ngl I’m very biased against every goldenduo/trio/quartet/whatever theory I’m sorry lol, I don’t think it does anything but make Golden Freddy more messy as a character).

Something interesting in the book is how Coppelia seems to be haunted by the ghost kids. She has nightmares throughout the week which causes her to sleep badly, and seems to be deliberately targeted by the animatronics for being Ralph’s daughter (who they’re upset with for leaving). I actually think these dreams could be Golden Freddy’s doing, as she admits to dreaming about Freddy and gang to her dad, but specifically talks about ‘Fredbear’, who she shouldn’t know about given her age (Fredbear also seems to be specifically CC’s thing). Golden Freddy does seem to have an association with dreams already so this makes sense: UCN is a nightmare, movie Goldie talks to Mike in his dreams (and asks for his little sister, whose situation can be compared to Coppelia), and he could be responsible for Michael’s fnaf 4 nightmares.

[Cassidy’s gender] 4800+

I guess I should also address some of the other common debunks of the idea that Cassidy is a boy and/or CC. People often don’t consider this theory because they’re certain that Cassidy is a girl, but I don’t think that has to be the case even if they’re not CC.

First there’s the princess from Princess Quest being named Cassidy, this is often used as a theory that the Princess is Cassidy in some way. But this was quickly taken out after this was noticed, and not put back in, not even in Help Wanted 2 which had a new Princess Quest game and confirmed to us in the files that the Red King is Old Man Consequences. I struggle to think of why this was taken out unless it just wasn’t true and would give people the wrong idea. Charliedoor has stayed in the files, and this has made people think Patient 46 is a Charliebot, which is a very unpopular theory now (though her name being used here while she has no relation to it is also pretty strange).

We have also been told that Scott wasn’t supervising Security Breach’s development 24/7, he often wasn’t in the same building as them and didn’t even tell them the full story, so things like this could have easily slipped by. It’s actually pretty common for lower ranked developers to get away with putting random stuff in the files that’s not really relevant. I suspect that something could have been misinterpreted or someone thought the princess being yellow+fighting Glitchtrap meant Golden Freddy and made assumptions, and the mistake was only realized to be a mistake post release. In the recent interview Scott talks about how the names found in the source code stay as the “canon names” even if he doesn’t like them, such as Glitchtrap and Burntrap, yet despite this the Cassidy name was removed. As if it wasn’t canon.

I think it’s far more likely for the princess to be a piece of Vanessa’s soul, the game is all about helping her escape Glitchtrap’s control, and a cool way to do this is helping out the one piece of her that can fight back against him as opposed to… a third party somehow being able to involve themselves with this? I see the princess being yellow as more of a reference to Vanessa’s blond hair than anything else, and the game makes a lot of callbacks to her journey in Help Wanted. Finding the Vanny mask and Glitchtrap plushie, the Grim Foxy maze, the HW version of the office, being taken over by Glitchtrap, etc.

If Vanessa in the game is supposed to be putting herself back together, this is actually quite similar to CCassidy being told to find his pieces in fnaf world, so I can see a comparison being made there that gave off the wrong impression, but that’s just speculation. I also want to point out how the name of the Princess Quest ending is called ‘vannyredemption’ in the code, which I think makes more sense if Vanessa is the princess and redeeming herself by turning against Glitchtrap. Redemption isn’t really something others do for you. Something else that could tie into this is how the arcade conspirator talks about the princess— he seems to believe that she’s sentient and that he has to prove himself to her, claiming that he’ll “save her”. Why would he need to save Cassidy, who’s just here to help Vanessa? She’s the one who needs help escaping Glitchtrap, not Cassidy.

If the princess is meant to be Cassidy, I also don’t see any good reason for why the name was taken out unless it’s just wrong or misleading. Everyone already saw it, so trying to ‘hide’ it because we weren’t supposed to figure it out that way feels odd to me. I get believing this after it was only just taken out, but a lot of time has passed since then and this theory hasn’t really gotten any new evidence pointing to it (and I’d argue nothing about the princess is strange enough to warrant ghost identity theories beyond being connected to Vanessa somehow, like she never says anything that makes her seem that self-aware or moves on her own).

The princess could also be symbolizing Cassie, with her full name being Cassidy, as ruin is rather similar to princess quest. If her father is the Bonnie bully, then he could have named her after the child he accidentally killed. Cassie and CCassidy can be compared with each other through their terrible birthday parties too.

I know some people are really certain that the princess is a ghost, but that doesn't have to mean that she's Cassidy in particular? If anything it could be that the dev who added her name in just got the wrong ghost girl. There's other options such as:

Elizabeth—being a parallel to Vanessa, and a strawberry blond, so the design fits. The plush babies are also supernatural and Circus Baby seems sentient in HW2, so she could still be around and unable to do much besides control the plushies, a VR version of her animatronic, and an arcade game character. 8bit Baby from fnaf AR might have even been a precursor to this, especially with the yellow eyes in her glitchy form. Would honestly make for a cool redemption arc for Lizzie— her helping someone who was coerced into listening to her dad after she herself wanted to make him proud (she’d still be killing people in her various Baby forms but whatever let a girl breathe).

Susie—another blond girl and the MCI kid we know the most about. The sprite of the princess also looks like she has a curl to her hair like Susie does, she probably physically resembles her the most. The tree in Princess Quest that's half bare also reminds me of Oliver, a tree in Coming Home whose falling leaves symbolize Susie eventually leaving her family for good. Chica also shows up in the background and the MCI references could be present because of her. Perhaps Fruity Maze, whose main character resembles Susie and is haunted by her memory of her dead puppy, can even be seen as a sort of prequel to Princess Quest.

Charlotte—arguably the most in-character. If the Red King/OMC is Henry then him being a king makes sense when his daughter is the princess. There's also some interesting music connections between Princess Quest and themes associated with the Puppet. First there’s Gracefully into the Abyss & Alchemist Fantasy, and then there’s Through the Cracks, a song from Freddy in Space 2 that appears in the level when you unlock the Puppet, compared with the Princess Quest menu theme. The glowing blue mushrooms also appeared in The Twisted Ones, and if the gravestones are a reference to happiest day, that's pretty relevant to Charlie, who sets it up. Lighting up the gravestones could parallel Charlotte giving the children cake.

I also know people often see Golden Freddy as Afton’s rival, but it’s Charlotte who kills him for good in the frights books (while Andrew, the VS in that continuity, has to be protected from Afton), so her being instrumental in defeating Glitchtrap makes plenty of sense to me. Goldie as the VS always seemed more focused on hurting Afton while the Puppet wants to prevent harm coming to other kids, which necessitates Afton dying and not coming back. I mean even in fnaf 3 we have Golden Freddy setting up a springlock failure, which guaranteed that Afton will possess the suit and suffer endlessly like the kids he’s murdered as opposed to killing him with his crazy ghost powers, lol.

I personally need more evidence that the princess is particularly separate from Vanessa before I believe any of these options, but they're there if a ghost has to be involved.

Then there’s the novels having a female Cassidy as part of the MCI. I could go off about how often Scott reuses names in this series, such as Jeremy and even Michael, who's supposed to be important and therefore it could cause confusion to see his name more than once, but that will be a bit unnecessary because while Cassidy is a girl in the graphic novel, I don't think they're a girl in the original novel. I think Cassidy is actually the kid with a black-and-white striped shirt.

But I need to add some context first. In the novels, Carlton gets injected with remnant and enters some spiritual plane where the ghost kids are hanging around. Michael Brooks is trying to put his friends back together by fixing their torn drawings. In the original novel, we have these characters: Susie the blond girl, Fritz the freckled boy, a girl with long black hair, a boy with a black-and-white striped shirt, and Michael Brooks. It’s not made clear who possesses who besides Susie having control over Mangle in one scene. Susie possesses Chica in frights, and I think it’s fair to assume that works the same in the games, as it lines up with her gravestone matching Chica’s head in the ending of fnaf 3. This is also where people get the idea that Fritz possesses Foxy, Gabriel is Freddy and Jeremy is Bonnie from. I think it’s likely that Fritz and Susie still possess the same characters in the novels, but this also means it’s unclear who’s Freddy and who’s Bonnie in the original novel.

The graphic novel adds in Gabriel, making him replace the striped shirt boy. Fritz no longer has freckles and is given the striped shirt to wear, so this leaves the girl to be named Cassidy there and possess Bonnie presumably. But she doesn’t even look the same as the girl from the novel. Instead of long black hair, she has light brown hair in a ponytail. Literally none of the MCI are accurate to their novel counterparts except for Susie, who’s consistent with the games. I don’t recall Brooks having a description tbh so he’s fine too lol.

My point is that the graphic novel takes a lot of liberties, it’s often taken as fact that Cassidy from the novels possesses Bonnie but that’s not exactly true, we aren’t given any hints as to who they possess. If Cassidy is supposed to be Golden Freddy, and they’re added in a continuity where the Golden Freddy role is already occupied, I think it’s far more likely for them to be Freddy (whether they’re the girl or the boy), but that’s just my take. It can still be either way, for all we know Cassidy possesses Foxy here.

So, why do I think Cassidy isn’t the second girl in the novels? Doesn’t the book make it obvious that it’s her? Well, I don’t think it’s that clear about it. Let’s go over it:

“Here, right here!” Carlton called. The little boy in the striped shirt helped align two more pictures, and Michael traced over them, connecting them into a single drawing. A second boy in a striped shirt appeared from the blurry surroundings and sat down on top of the one already sitting with them, merging into him seamlessly. Only Carlton seemed to notice the merging of the two children, not even the boy in the striped shirt himself seemed aware.

Beside them was the little girl with blonde curls: they had found all her drawings and put them together, and now she looked solid and real, no longer ghostly like the others. She was able to speak in full sentences, her cognitive abilities having steadily grown stronger as her drawings were united.

Carlton is with Michael Brooks, Susie, the striped shirt boy, and Fritz (who’s offscreen for now) as a group. He’s helping Brooks put the other three back together. After Susie has her pieces together, she introduces herself and Cassidy.

“But it was him who helped you?” Carlton pointed to the yellow bunny in the drawing that showed all five kids.

“Yes! That’s him.” She smiled. “My name is Susie,” she added. “And that’s Cassidy.” A girl with long black hair approached, carrying more pictures in her arms. “And you?”

Carlton looked briefly at a little boy with freckles. “I ...” He struggled to speak, and Carlton glanced nervously at the man in the room as he matched two more drawings together.

“There!” Michael exclaimed proudly. Another ghostly image of the freckled boy climbed under the table, and merged with the one who was already there: he instantly became less ghostly, and more whole. “I’m Fritz.” He smiled, suddenly filled with more life.

…But, this requires her skipping over the unnamed boy already part of the group, in favor of the girl who only came in just now. Which is kinda weird. She even technically says the name first before she approaches, which isn’t too strange by itself with how tenses work, but with the added context of how wonky the writing can be (Carlton is the one saying ‘and you?’ to Fritz in the same paragraph when Susie speaks, which is confusing af) it kinda makes me wonder.

What is even stranger is this part of the book later:

“There!” Michael cheered, momentarily distracting Susie from trying to leave. The last phantom of the girl with long black hair came and sat with them. When she had merged with the others like her, she blinked, then looked up and took in a long, calm breath. “We’re all together now,” Michael said with a smile. The drawings on the ground had disappeared, and five real-seeming children sat with Carlton under the table, no longer ghostly images.

Carlton, by this point, should know the black haired girl’s name. Susie is no longer the ‘blonde girl’ after being introduced, since Carlton now has a name to call her by. Yet despite knowing her name is Cassidy, he doesn’t call her that in his head. Instead he refers to her with her hair color as if that’s the only identifier he has for her (it’s even a mouthful compared to just referring to her as Cassidy). And I think that’s because she’s not Cassidy, Susie was actually introducing the striped shirt boy that was there the whole time.

A striped shirt boy who cries, and gets told “I’m going to help you put these together” referring to the drawings that will restore his memory. It’s not much detail, but it’s quite similar to another striped shirt boy we know who cries and gets told that he will be put back together. At least he has dialogue, which is more than even the girl gets. The two mentions of the black haired girl I copied above are literally her only pieces of “screentime”. Thinking about it, he’s probably the MCI kid that gets the third most focus here after Brooks and Susie. That part where Fritz is asked his name is basically all there is to him, and the black haired girl is the only kid to never speak, while the striped shirt kid gets mentioned quite a few times and talks a little more than they do. He’s even the first one Carlton sees and talks to after Michael.

This even makes more sense with Carlton asking for Fritz’s name, “and you?” implies that he’s familiar with everyone else now and just needs to learn Fritz’s name, but that only works if he already knows the name of the striped shirt boy whose been sitting with him. I also want to point out that if she’s Cassidy, then the striped shirt kid gets ignored twice when it comes to learning his name. First Susie decides to introduce the girl walking over first, and then Carlton only asks for Fritz’s name instead of his too, even though he’s interacted with him more often.

Everything about the way this scene is written makes more sense to me if Carlton knows the striped shirt boy as Cassidy instead of the girl. No one introduced the black haired girl because she joined last and didn’t ever speak with him. If she isn’t in the games, then we technically don’t even need her name in the first place. The graphic novel adds in Gabriel, but if the striped shirt kid was him, why didn’t we just get his name? Or Jeremy if that was the intent? We know they’re both part of the games MCI, but if Cassidy is the striped shirt boy, and the girl is just someone there to fill in a slot for the MCI, then having her being unnamed makes plenty of sense to me. Skipping over Gabriel/Jeremy’s name just feels unnecessary.

Also if she did get a name and it wasn’t something from the logbook or was one of the gravestone names, it would probably just confuse tf out of the fandom. If the striped shirt boy was named differently from Gabriel and Jeremy, I can see people eventually connecting the dots that this is supposed to be CC and we’re finally getting his name, but if the girl was something random, like… Alice or whatever? Not everyone would realize that she’s similar to Michael Brooks and isn’t a game character, just as many would assume she’s actually super important and mysterious because she hasn’t been referenced elsewhere, so I get the logic in excluding her name if it’s not Cassidy.

Like I said earlier the writing can be awkward at times (this isn’t even the only time the speaker changes in one paragraph), and I think believing Cassidy is the black haired girl makes plenty of sense with how it’s written at first. It’s just the part where she’s not called that after being introduced that makes me raise my eyebrows, and looking at the scene as a whole makes me question it further. I know I keep bringing this up, but I really don’t get why ‘Cassidy’ doesn’t talk at all, this is a pretty important character we are just learning about, and it baffles me that she’s apparently the only person who doesn’t speak here. Giving her a small backstory akin to Susie’s dog wouldn’t have been that hard imo. But if she’s not really Cassidy, this makes a lot more sense to me. We are instead given just enough info about the striped shirt boy to link him to CC. The initial introduction could even be a deliberate misdirect as Cassidy is often treated very secretly for whatever reason.

Maybe she still is Cassidy, after all Cassidy ended up being a girl in the graphic novel. But as much as the graphic novels can improve things (such as having Charlie bring up Sammy more in TFC when it’s relevant, where in the original novel she seems to almost completely forget about him, which is very odd), they can also have big mistakes. Such as having John go with Charlie to see her father’s grave, meaning he should also see the gravestone with her own name on it. Or the end of The Twisted Ones which has adult Charliebot check on Charlie’s corpse instead of Aunt Jen, which was quite necessary to explain why her aunt has her body in the next book, causing great confusion if you only read the graphic novel adaptions— especially since the whole book has adult Charliebot looking for her.

Heck John still acts like he saw Aunt Jen there instead in the graphic novel, even though the design was completely different from what Aunt Jen looked like earlier.

It’s kinda hard to find information about how adapting the novels work, but from what I hear Scott doesn’t have much involvement and it’s just the scriptwriter and the artists who create the graphic novel. The two changes above are pretty significant details that mess with the story, yet they were left in. What chance is there that some minor characters will be fixed so they’re accurate to their book designs and names? And to be fair, things don’t have to match completely when it’s in a different continuity, much less an adaptation of a different continuity. If the artist or scriptwriter made Cassidy a girl without Scott telling them to, I can see him thinking it’s not necessary to change it, because the original novel already has Cassidy as a boy.

Making an entire graphic novel can be hard, so it might have seemed rude to tell them to redraw the characters and rewrite the script to match the book exactly when ultimately, the MCI here are not that important. In every continuity there’s always some difference to them, whether it’s the characters’ involved or the designs. Especially since the artists seem to be given pretty short deadlines as well, I would probably have left it alone in Scott’s shoes, assuming he had any involvement at all.

I will also point out that the graphic novel already changed up the spiritual world scene: different dialogue, it’s Brooks who introduces everyone, Carlton never talks with anyone who isn’t Brooks or Susie, the kids interact with each other more, there’s an extra Michael running around even though he’s supposed to be the only kid who isn’t broken apart, they’re supposed to be sitting under the table as the drawings are fixed, etc. I can easily buy them also changing up the characters, however unintentionally (I figure the creators just assumed Cassidy was a girl because of the name and picked randomly between Gabriel and Jeremy, Susie was the only one who had a drawing of her already which is why she’s accurate, etc). I think I’d be less inclined to consider Cassidy as the striped shirt boy if the graphic novel MCI was more accurate: Fritz has his freckles, the girl has her black hair, and Gabriel is wearing a striped shirt.

Recently we learned that sometimes the artists are even told to draw things incorrectly and according to the exact reference picture given by scholastic even when the artist knows better: Diana Camero, who was also the artist for TFC, talked about how she knows Ballora in the Cleithrophobia story isn’t supposed to have legs, but scholastic insisted that she had to draw Ballora according to the reference image given. This explains a lot about the graphic novels’ various inaccuracies and why only Susie looks accurate. In fact I wonder if the only reference was a picture of Susie as opposed to the novel itself, because her red ribbon is absent in the adaptation. In the FFPS drawing her red bow is hard to see, while the book’s narration very clearly describes it being tied into her hair.

So yeah, I think it’s perfectly possible and maybe even more likely that everyone got it right and Cassidy is the girl here, but I think it’s vague enough to believe that it’s the boy instead. Which has a lot of interesting implications, we have a crying boy with a striped shirt as part of the MCI named Cassidy, who’s also paired with a boy named Michael (being the odds one out compared to the games MCI). I think this striped shirt boy could be the novels’ version of Cassidy Afton, who isn’t William’s son here but still gets associated with the MCI.

And of course I have to talk about the girl from the logbook, the one who is given cake by the Puppet on the happiest day page. I understand why people think this girl is Cassidy, but I don't think it's that straightforward. First there's how the design is different from the TFC girl, having short hair in pigtails as opposed to long black hair. Then there's how the page is actually more connected with CC. The prompt references his death, “Write about one specific memory from that day that will make you feel better (his fixed birthday) if you find yourself facing new difficulties CERTAIN DEATH (his ruined birthday)”. And instead of making this a MY NAME page, or having faded associate the page with themselves in some way, they ask CC if he remembers his name.

There's a page right after this that talks about a happiest day coupon where the Puppet gives you a gift, and the title of this page references the bite of 83 "Take a BITE... out of fun on your next birthday!", connecting the two events together. Anytime we see the phrase putting someone back together, it has to do with a ghost remembering themselves. After Michael puts Elizabeth back together, she remembers that William is her father by the next game, Brooks and Carlton put the MCI back together so that they can regain their identities. Fnaf world tells us that putting CC back together involves happiest day. And this page associates CC remembering his name (aka being put back together) with happiest day. It seems pretty cut and dry to me. Also faded is clearly more aware than CC at the moment, so them helping him out so that he can help them reach their happiest day is just… odd? Charlotte is aware and doesn’t need cake, why aren’t they like her?

I could buy this girl being Cassidy more if the graphic novel updated her design to look more like this girl, but instead she's pretty unrecognizable, so I'm more convinced by how the logbook chooses to associate HD with CC.

Return to the pit sidenote: One last thing, I will address this with more depth in the next post but I wanted to talk about the curly haired girl real quick. I’d say this is valid evidence of Cassidy being a girl and therefore separate from CC, but this girl’s identity is reallyyyyy vague. The scenario is kinda like happiest day, but is different in every way that matters (even if you don’t think CC is the receiver, his memories are clearly relevant to happiest day and that connection just isn’t present here). We don’t get a name for this girl or who she possesses, zero depictions of ‘Cassidy’, whether theorized to be her or not, have given her curly hair, so this is a very strange way to indicate her identity. I find it confusing why she isn’t just called ‘the girl with long black hair’ again, it’s bizarre to say she has curly hair as if that’s some iconic trait we have always associated with her.

It’s Susie who we’ve seen get the curly hair descriptor before, and the book conveniently leaves out her hair color. We see a picture of a little girl with hair buns/pigtails, but the hair is clearly too light to be black, so that shouldn’t be ‘Cassidy’ according to what we know about her. Or it’s a retcon/design difference between continuities, but that would make for a pretty odd change, as we almost never see Cassidy yet one of their only traits is not even present (assuming they’re the girl in TFC). So how are we supposed to know this is her if she looks different from usual and we aren’t given her name or other identifying features, such as wearing a Golden Freddy mask (which would also link this more clearly with happiest day)?

I don’t even know if there’s more than one girl, and if that’s the case then shouldn’t this kid just be Susie? She’s never absent from the MCI, especially when compared to such an obscure character like Cassidy. In fact, the phrasing of ‘the girl with curly hair’ implies that there’s only one girl here with that hairstyle, which makes it far more likely for this kid to be Susie imo.

The way time travel works in RTTP is also at least somewhat non-literal, considering all the supernatural stuff that happens. If not and everything happened in the memory is accurate, then it can’t be in continuity with the games considering how different the MCI goes, so either way ghost shenanigans or timeline differences leaves room for this girl to be literally anyone, like Charlotte or even just some random kid. I just pointed out how CC seems to be part of the novels MCI so this wouldn’t be too weird (if anything an AU where Charlotte is part of the MCI makes more sense than adding CC there, as his death goes very differently while Charlotte is still a victim of Afton).

Unless we see a girl whose name is explicitly Cassidy that’s meant to be a MCI victim, I think CCassidy is still possible. Yeah I’m being really pedantic lol, I get people being sure this is Cassidy but it’s hard to take this series at face value sometimes (look at stuff like the grave order in HW2, while I think it’s valid to theorize as a death order, I also don’t think it’s wrong to consider something else), it loves to have ‘gotcha’ moments, or be misleading at times. Oftentimes you’re supposed to give things a second look instead of going by your first thought.

[Lefty] 1200+

I want to talk about Lefty real quick. He works as the extra Freddy in the game, being a differently colored Freddy part of the main group, both for the Rockstars and the Scrap animatronics, which is something usually reserved for Golden Freddy. His eye is colored a bright orange/yellow, and in the game right before this we just had Yenndo, who has yellow eyes to indicate that he’s related to the yellow bear. His pose in the alleyway mirrors Golden Freddy perfectly as well, especially with the gapping mouth.

I also find it very interesting how the soul inside of Lefty is Charlotte, but it’s Lefty who gets paired with the Afton Family fun poster. Then there’s how in one of the fnaf AR trailers, we see a Lefty minigame sprite that is literally just a recolored version of the Fredbear sprite from fnaf 4.

Perhaps it was just for convenience’s sake, but I doubt that since they also made an entirely original sprite for Glitchtrap in the trailer, and even if they didn’t, I still find it notable that they chose the Fredbear sprite that bit Cassidy in fnaf 4 as opposed to… literally any other Freddy sprite.

Lefty also has five fingers, just like the other springlock suits we’ve seen, and his unhinged jaw with the two poles on either side looks very similar to the Fredbear sprite too. If the lawsuits are accurate, then we have an animatronic who bit a child’s head (like the bite of 83) and another whose head fell off, scaring someone (similar to Golden Freddy’s jumpscare, and perhaps to Cassidy being afraid of the headless Fredbear suit in the backroom). The case number for the lawsuit with the injured child even starts with 83. Both of those are likely to be done by Lefty, as he’s the animatronic with the highest risk and appears to be very erratic in behavior.

In the case of the lawsuits just being jokes, I think we’re at least supposed to imagine that Lefty was responsible, since he’s the most suspect of the non-scrap animatronics. And whenever we see Golden Freddy with a single eye (the movie and the character encyclopedia), it’s the right eye that’s present, just like Lefty. He also shows up in the ‘Springtrapped’ challenge in UCN, which might hint towards him being a springlock suit (other really random characters such as JJ, Nightmarionne, Rockstar Foxy, and trashy & gang show up too which can hurt my point, but I do think out of all of them Lefty is the most fitting outside of Springtrap himself).

My theory is that Henry took his old suit, the same one that bit Cassidy, to create Lefty and capture his daughter. That’s why he has so many connections to Fredbear/Golden Freddy. In fnaf 6, we have Scrap Baby/Circus Baby, Scraptrap/Spring Bonnie, the Puppet in Lefty, and the Funtimes/MCI in Molten Freddy. There are only four endos burning in the furnace in Help Wanted, which tells us that the Fredbear suit wasn't involved in ennard. Lefty being a remade Fredbear ties up a loose end with that specific suit.

Something else I’ve considered is that it’s just the Fredbear head that was used for Lefty. Golden Freddy has those head based attacks, Nightmare Fredbear appears as a head on the bed, and Cassidy was bitten, so he might have the best connection to the head of the suit. There is also an emphasis on the animatronic heads when it comes to possession: the fnaf 3 ending, and You’re The Band, where Gabriel is able to possess a little boy through him wearing the Freddy head. It probably doesn’t matter either way, but I always thought the ghosts’ association with the heads of their animatronics was interesting.

We know Henry went to the bunker, as he had to have gotten the scooper blueprint from somewhere, and it would also allow him to learn about the Funtimes. I think he was inspired by the Funtimes to make Lefty, as they work pretty similarly in that Circus Baby/Funtime Freddy were made to capture a child, while Lefty was made to hold the Puppet. Circus Baby also mysteriously quotes Lefty in AR, "I am so glad that I found you, let me find room for you, inside..." which is a reference to the mechanic they both share.

And if Henry looked through the bunker, he might have also found the Fredbear plush that holds Cassidy’s soul (assuming William didn’t mess with its remnant), he might have been able to tell that it was possessed with its black eyes and glowing pupils, and took it with him to the FFPS location, so it would end up burning too with everyone else. Or maybe Cassidy got bored of being stuck inside the bunker with nothing going on and teleported to wherever he sensed his friends lol. Like I mentioned earlier, I think it’s very possible the plush still has that ability.

There's also this bizarre teaser for FFPS that has a Freddy plush being pulled by strings. The strings are only seen if the screen is brightened up, which makes him look like Fredplush. I think this is a reference to the old halloween edition teaser that had Nightmarionne behind a Freddy plush that was also only seen if it's brightened up. Maybe it's a hint that Psychic Friend Fredbear is in FFPS somewhere? It also feels like it’s saying something about Golden Freddy and the Puppet being connected together. For whatever reason those two are often intertwined.

I think after the MCI formed ennard/Molten Freddy he was unable to manifest as Golden Freddy again, as the other MCI kids are very broken and we literally don’t see Golden Freddy in either fnaf 3 or 6. He could be stuck in Molten Freddy with the others, though I’m not sure if the Afton family fun poster has him as Golden Freddy or Molten Freddy. Lizzie is a redheaded clown, William is a man in a purple suit, and Michael is his identical puppet, while Cassidy is represented by the bear with a birthday hat who’s led by a chain from the clown.

Lizzie is being depicted as controlling towards Cassidy, even though that’s a bit much when at worst she’d be a bossy younger sister. But if Cassidy was in ennard that makes more sense, as she was controlling towards the other Funtimes. However Lizzie never acted controlling towards Molten Freddy, so the metaphor doesn’t work completely. Maybe the chain is less about Lizzie’s relationship with her brother and more to show how hard to control Golden Freddy/Cassidy is (the bear does seem rather eager to attack).

There’s also an AR Skin of Golden Freddy where he’s chained up underwater that might be relevant to this? That version also gets paired up with Ringmaster Foxy (Michael) and Ballora (maybe mom?) for the Dark Circus Event, which makes me inclined to link him to CC over the fifth child. Ultimately the poster feels like another hint towards GoldenVictim. If happiest day takes places after fnaf 6/UCN, I think it just makes sense for Cassidy to still be split apart multiple vessels, and then burning them allows a chance to put him back together for happiest day.

[Logbook] 6900+

Holy shit we're finally at the logbook, it only took a million years.

I used to be into this book being Fazbear Frights merch, but nowadays I think it was made by Fazbear Entertainment, for the simple fact that the book seems very, very old.

The pages are yellowed with time, and there’s a lot of stains, both fresher looking blood stains and more typical dirty brown stains as well. In page 22 there seems to be an outline of a drink left on the book, maybe coffee. Page 48 and 34 have jagged outlines in the corner as if it’s supposed to look like it’s ripped. The foxy grid even has the text for the numbers fading away. I think this book was made a long time ago in-universe, even if parts of it might have been written in much later. I’m not sure where the blood stains come from, I wonder if Michael had this book even while he was ennard, and the blood comes from that. Sometimes the blood stains are by faded’s various MY NAMEs, which makes me wonder if it really has to do with the ghosts affecting the book, or if they were written by a living person who could bleed.

I recall hearing a theory before that Ennard might have drawn the crappy hearts on page 16, Michael is a good artist and these seem oddly childlike. I can see ennard looking through the logbook out of curiosity, adding the hearts in, and leaving blood all over the book.

Since Elizabeth is in charge of ennard I think she could be drawing hearts for William, Michael and Cassidy (since she’d be starting to remember herself) or it’s for Funtime Freddy, Funtime Foxy, and Ballora like the commenter mentioned. Maybe Michael held onto the book for so long because his sister wrote in it.

I've looked over this book a bunch of times, trying to make sense of it. Why does the Cassidy code work the way it does, with faded writing out MY NAME and CC giving the coordinates through altered text? Why does there seem to only be a single name in the logbook when there's at least two unnamed ghosts involved? Why do the things CC say not feel like real answers to anything besides ‘It was for me’ matching with THE PARTY WAS FOR YOU and ‘I can't see’ with WHAT DO YOU SEE? What song is faded talking about in IS THIS SONG FAMILIAR TO YOU? Why does the foxy grid make no fucking sense?

I originally had a big analysis of the whole logbook here, but that ended up way too long, so I'm going to try to be more brief here. I don’t think that worked very well but whatever lol.

—Considering how most of the coordinates are given through altered text, such as changing the page numbers, highlighting certain numbers in red, and changing the order of 1-10, I think the clues given by Michael could still be altered by a ghost. One has him telling you to go to page 61 on a MY NAME page, and the other has him write out 8:11 on a incident report sheet that is otherwise left blank. It could be that Cassidy changed both numbers to help spell out his name, like page 61 or the chalkboard numbers were originally something else, and 8:11 doesn't fit into Michael's shift. It's perfectly possible this was done purposefully by Michael instead (which would imply he’s familiar with who Cassidy is), but he doesn't otherwise acknowledge the ghosts in his book so I'm uncertain about it. This also makes the code more consistent/you have to wonder why CC suddenly stopped helping with the code if he was behind most of it already.

—Cassidy is not responding to Faded's questions outside of THE PARTY WAS FOR YOU and WHAT DO YOU SEE. "I can't see" and "I'm scared" are the first things he says in the book, before faded even tried talking to him. He's reacting to a new situation, he's "waking up" somewhere dark and is confused as to what's going on. People often assume “I can’t see” means that he’s blind, but it’s also just a common phrase for when it’s dark and you have trouble seeing (also notice how Golden Freddy… doesn’t have eyes, like huh I wonder why CC has bad vision), I think he should be able to see well enough to read the book considering how many of faded’s questions rely on the book as a reference, such as Fredplush showing up in the DOES HE STILL TALK TO YOU page. This could be him coming into consciousness as a ghost or in a new animatronic. "I can hear sounds" comes sometime later when he heard a random noise, not a song or someone talking to him, more like clanging or creaking (the various pizzerias aren't exactly silent at night). If he can understand ‘the party was for you’ well enough to respond to it, why does this line make it seem like he can’t hear what’s going on around him clearly?

This dialogue doesn't read to me as deliberate responses to anything, Cassidy just seems confused and worried, I even think him affecting the book in this way was accidental at first. It explains why “I'm scared” and “I can hear sounds” don't work well as answers to any specific questions. "Is this song familiar to you" and "Does he still talk to you?" are more yes/no answers. If Cassidy was supposed to be scared about something specific, the text could have been written in such a way to make that more clear, such as him saying "He scares me" and we can theorize if that's for Fredplush or Nightmare Fredbear.

—Faded notices this, and wants to communicate with him, but they can't alter text like he can. Susie in Coming Home has to put effort in so she can communicate with her living sister “Tucking her tongue firmly between her lips, Susie started drawing. It took all of her concentration to make sure the drawing showed up on the page, but it did. Drawing was all she could do. If she wrote a note, Samantha wouldn't read it.” The faded ABC in the foxy grid is them testing out their handwriting, writing out the whole alphabet to see if they can do it, and afterwards they start asking their questions. The alphabet fades away because they had trouble figuring out how hard they needed to concentrate for the words to stay/appear at all, but eventually it worked.

Cassidy's first few lines of dialogue are on the second to last page of the book, with the foxy grid being towards the end as well. It's like the two started backwards at first, which I think makes enough sense. IMO this also implies that altered is a stronger spirit than faded, since he has an easier time messing with the book, which makes more sense to me if he’s Golden Freddy while faded isn’t.

—Let's take a closer look at the gravestone, it read outs MY NAME in place of either CASSIDY or whatever Faded’s name is. Writing out MY NAME on a grave as opposed to the actual name feels very unnatural, it’s only like that for the sake of the code. It almost feels like the name is being censored by someone to keep it a secret. Were we supposed to replace every instance of MY NAME with Cassidy after we figured out the code? Does that end up changing anything? Thinking about this made me consider something— if CC can change whatever is in the logbook, and faded is trying to help CC remember things about himself, are they actually writing CASSIDY all over the book, with CC responding by altering it to read out MY NAME?

I think this works pretty well as a sequence with the first three times we see MY NAME. First they wrote out the name Cassidy on page 29, and then ask CC if he remembers his name two pages later, like they’re checking if he recognizes it. They write it in a gravestone as if to remind him that he's dead, and they write Cassidy on the same page they ask DID ONE OF THESE BELONG TO YOU? Does the name Cassidy belong to you? Then they write it on pages where CC has altered text before (feelings about tonight’s shift) as if to make sure he sees them, and they also write it on pages where Michael wrote in the logbook, since CC might be interested in his brother’s words. The whole logbook is Faded asking CC very pointed and specific questions: his purple telephone, does his creepy plush still talk to him, his favorite ride, etc.

This is their way of telling CC about himself, and continually writing Cassidy is another attempt at this. They’re insistent on Cassidy remembering his name even if he can’t remember anything else, so they keep nudging him towards it. Eventually he responds by altering it to spell out MY NAME, yes that is my name, and starts making a code to reaffirm it to himself. Faded notices this and continues to write CASSIDY to help him complete the code. Or maybe he conveniently recognizes it after they write it seven times so they stop writing the name over and over lol. I like this idea since it makes the code more consistent with their respective writing styles, explains why CC gives hints for his name on pages with faded text, and doesn’t require me to try the foxy grid ever ever again :)

If we don't take it completely literally (since the code mostly exists for us), I think the "real" logbook would just have Cassidy circling/highlighting the letters on the word search, with the coordinates he gives just being the equivalent of that. I think CASSIDY/MY NAME would still be on the gravestone/Did any of these belong to you page though, since they're more relevant there. This would also match well with how CC is almost always using first person pronouns: I’m scared, I can’t see, I can hear sounds, it was for me, and my name.

—I think Faded asking WHAT DO YOU SEE under a picture of a mirror and right next to the word search is fairly significant. Not only does it associate the word search with CC, it’s like they're telling CC to look in the mirror, and he responds with "It's me, Cassidy. Who are you? What is your name?" It’s more polite to ask for a name when you introduced yourself first, and I think this is a more natural response to the question than “I can’t see”. IMO it makes more sense for his response to be in the word search since the mirror is right there.

For anyone who hasn’t noticed, there’s actually a bunch of IT’S MEs in this word search, the phrase just gets interrupted a lot because whoever is altering the text leaves the word key alone. It’s easier to see if you look at this pic and read horizontally.

image taken from here, also a good post arguing for CC being the happiest day receiver

Maybe whoever is doing this is so desperate because the one of the only things he can remember clearly is his own name, but that’s just my take.

I've seen fans claim that the letters that spell out Cassidy don't use altered text, but three of them actually do. Let's look them over:

5, 2–C (Afton Robotics)

3, 9–A (Pizza)

1, 5–S (it’s me)

7, 2–S (it’s me)

9, 3–I (it’s me) (or you multiple the 9 and 3 to get 2, 7 which still gives you the same letter and from the altered text part of the word search)

10, 11–D (Freddy)

8, 11–Y (Freddy)

So three of the letters are from IT'S ME, a couple use Freddy, which feels relevant if the character behind the Cassidy name is Golden Freddy, and we also have Afton Robotics. Afton Robotics always felt a bit out of place with the other words, which are usually quite simple like cake or guard. Cassidy using it to spell their name feels somewhat notable to me, as if it’s something we can associate with them. People often see IT’S ME as a Golden Freddy phrase (though it has been used for others, it's more emphasized with Goldie), and I already pointed out how they use Freddy. As for pizza… maybe they just like it lol, pizza is popular with kids.

I don’t think the words chosen are like, strong proof for anything. But if you think Cassidy’s full name is Cassidy Afton and that they possess Golden Freddy, then the words they picked out feel very relevant to their character, which I thought was neat.

Something that could play into Cassidy looking into a “mirror” is the words chosen to spell out his name. Freddy is backwards (written as YDDERF) while Pizza and Afton Robotics are upside down, written like this:

A

Z

Z

I

P

(No I’m not writing out Afton Robotics like this) It could easily be a coincidence, but I thought it was kinda cool. These are also the only words on the word search that are even reversed.

Before I speculate about who faded could be, I want to talk about the recently popular Dave solution for the logbook. I obviously don't agree with it since I think Cassidy is CC. I'm not sure if this will convince many people because a lot seem to really like it, but I wanted to go over the issues I see with it. I'll start by comparing it with the Cassidy code.

Cassidy: You find the pages with MY NAME on them, look for out of place numbers, many of which are altered deliberately by someone (if not all), and plug them in the word search.

Evan/Dave: You look at the dialogue from CC, you match them with Faded’s questions, two of which aren’t even real answers. Lucky for CC, faded just so happened to choose the exact right pages for him to answer that happened to spell out his name on the foxy grid. CC, while crying and saying that he’s scared, is also being very strategic and making sure to answer the right questions so they can figure out his name, which is very ?????? ok sure. You have to fill multiple rows from the foxy grid, which takes a very long time (and has Faded’s handwriting in it, so CC has to rely on faded caring enough to fill it out, and not only that, but filling it out in the way he wants, ie the whole grid as opposed to making a 15x15 one like the word search, which is far quicker), then you plug your coordinates in.

This is far more tedious and convoluted than the Cassidy Code, for no good reason. They didn’t have to make CC’s answers not fit perfectly, they didn’t have to make you fill out the whole grid, if anything a 15x15 grid like the word search or A1Z26 makes more sense. Despite how meta it is, I can see one of the kids making the Cassidy code on purpose, since they’re consciously changing the text to give out hints—I cannot see CC doing the same for this code. It relies too much on faded just doing the right things for him, when they’re not even trying to figure out his name, they chose those pages at random or because it was relevant to the question they were going to ask. I do not think “I can’t see” and “I’m scared” were on purpose, he was just very agitated at that moment and unintentionally affected the book, only talking more deliberately once faded started speaking to him.

It also just seems very coincidental that people managed to kinda find something (and even then both ended up being flawed, Evan being more Eva, Dave being backwards, the responses not fitting perfectly), like it’s easy to come across a name when they’re so short. Why does DAVE need to be reversed anyway? Couldn’t they have made it in order? Doesn’t the whole ‘reflect’ part make more sense for the mirror and the word search, so it should be the Cassidy name coming out backwards, if anything? As opposed to the name in the foxy grid which has no association with mirrors or even CC?

The foxy grid also has no reference to the fact that a name is on there, unlike the word search which clearly has someone talking in it. I just don't think a second name exists when the fandom has struggled to make sense of this grid for so many years (I myself have many attempts that just don't work lol), and nothing about the logbook has been fixed/edited to make it easier, unlike with the Cassidy code which used to have a MY NAME missing but was added back in.

That alone makes me think that there isn’t a name in there, otherwise I think Scott would be concerned about how no one has figured out the second code. That’s why I came to the conclusion that it’s just faded figuring out how to write in the logbook, because it’s the best idea I can come up with with why they seem to be spelling out the alphabet, and we learn in Coming Home that it’s something ghosts can struggle with. There’s some pretty good discussion of the foxy grid here if you want to read it and I agree with this debunk of Dave being the solution.

I understand people being desperate for CC’s name to be in the logbook, it’s weird if it isn’t, but that doesn’t mean any solution that kinda works has to be correct. I still think Cassidy as his name makes more sense. Sure, we don’t have a name for faded, which kinda sucks, but unlike with CC there are ways to narrow it down/figure out who it is, as Cassidy being CC would likely mean this is a pre-established character. This isn’t too different from Fredplush’s identity (another character important to CC) being quite vague but there being enough hints to point to something more specific.

I just think it's fitting for a book all about CC to reveal his name at the end, we don't really get much from faded here since they solely talk about him and never about themselves (which is why I think them being a prior character makes more sense, as it allows them to not revolve their entire character around him). All the evidence points to there being only one name in the logbook, yet it’s not for the character we are actually learning about? That seems kinda backwards to me.

There is the question of why faded doesn’t seem to reveal their name after being asked for one, which I’m not totally clear on. It could be that it took place offscreen and we’re supposed to guess at it (I think this would make sense with Charlotte as the other gravestone), or they want Cassidy to figure out who they are on his own (so we’re technically in his POV regarding faded). Faded appears to know him quite well, so they might prefer for him to recognize them by himself, especially in an effort not to overwhelm him. I mean, going by the word search, it seems like their questions triggered an intense reaction, the way he’s going ITSMEITSMEITSMEITSME. He might not have asked for a name very calmly lol. Honestly I even wonder if the lack of answers from Cassidy is because he doesn’t realize who this is and is ignoring them on purpose out of discomfort or annoyance. The way he asks who faded is twice kinda reads to me as agitation, he could be very confused/interested as to why faded knows so much.

Ok this took me long enough, but who could faded be? They're very familiar with Cassidy, so they likely knew him when alive. They even know about stuff we’re unaware of, such as his favorite ride being the carousel or random toys he owned before. I would like to point out that I find it unlikely that they got his memories from looking into his mind because they share a body like Jake and Andrew. Jake can only look into the memories that Andrew hasn't forgotten, he can't find missing memories to learn more about his backstory. In the books he's able to track down where his haunted objects are because Andrew himself is already aware of them, so I don't think faded knows so much about Cassidy because of bodysharing. Sure, them knowing about Psychic Friend Fredbear is kinda weird, but I can easily imagine Cassidy mentioning his talking plush to his friends and family, since you know, it's a talking plush.

Faded also has an interest in helping Cassidy, or at least jogging his memory. The best candidates for this are Charlotte, William, Michael, or Elizabeth.

There isn’t a ton going for Elizabeth beyond the fact that as his sister she would know a lot about him and want to help him. The book also has a lot of pictures/references to Circus Baby. The timing also fits pretty well if they were together in ennard who had the book for a time. However, even after being put back together by Michael, Lizzie seems to think her purpose is to kill children, even saying she was created for that reason, which means she still thinks she’s Circus Baby on some level. So would she actually remember enough about her brother for this to work? The fact that the other ghosts are present but not doing anything is also strange.

I like the idea of Lizzie being the faded ghost but it doesn’t quite match her villainous state of mind, especially if the logbook takes place later and she was abandoned by the ghost kids (which might have included her brother) sometime between sister location and fnaf 6. That wouldn’t put her in a good headspace to help people. It’s a cute idea to me but it doesn’t quite match her role as a vengeful ghost spurred on by how she was tortured, and eventually wanting to follow her father’s murderous wishes for her.

William probably sounds very out there but I think it makes sense. We have no sense of tone from faded, are they being kind or stern? If William wanted Lizzie to be put back together, it stands to reason that he’s interested in putting his son back together as well. And a way to accomplish that is to see if he remembers anything about his life. The questions can be taken rather clinically, and if the book is an older one, the text might have been faded from time. The use of a red pen does link back to Michael, and the handwriting looks rather similar to Mike’s as well, which makes sense being his dad.

Maybe he got the logbook during 1987 when he was a nightguard and he wrote the questions all the way back then, and the ink ended up fading overtime before Michael got his hands on it. I think this works best with the idea I mentioned way earlier that William tried to make Cassidy possess the Fredbear suit by putting the plush inside, but Cassidy didn't remember or listen to him, so he started asking him questions once he noticed his presence in the logbook to jog his memory.

Then there’s Michael. This also probably sounds very weird but I think it can work pretty well. I always found the detail of faded using a red pen like Michael very odd, and I wonder if it meant something. How come the foxy grid has the ABC look so faded, even more than usual, having the letters just disappear? Is this really ghost stuff, or is someone using a pen that’s slowly running out of ink?

Here’s how I picture MikeFaded working: he gets the logbook, fills in random BS, opens it another day and suddenly he realizes it’s haunted by his brother, Freddy plush turned into Psychic Friend Fredbear, random page numbers have changed, there’s a bunch of IT’S ME in the word search, maybe his own handwriting was changed, etc. He wants to talk with his brother’s ghost, but whoops his pen is almost out of ink, and he can’t afford to wait another day to talk to his dead brother when he has the chance to. Cassidy could suddenly leave at any moment or even decide to murder him once he realizes that it is his older brother like he’s wondering, so Mike just starts writing his questions in capital letters so he can be noticed.

I like this idea because then there’s no real second name code to figure out, Michael gave his name in front of the book already. The red ink does seem rather splotchy in some cases too. Like there are drawings from Michael where the ink is fine but others where the ink isn’t as red or there’s spots missing. Compare the pics he drew between page 92 (exotic butters), 29 (water skiing), 34 (casual bongos), and 41 (Nightmare Fredbear) to see what I mean. Would also fit pretty well with Michael drawing a gravestone for himself and faded having a MY NAME inside there. Kind of a wildcard idea but something I like quite a bit. I also want to point out real quick that Michael does have different handwriting throughout the book, it’s usually different when it’s by a drawing vs him responding to a prompt, so I don’t think the different handwriting would completely debunk this theory.

I think Charlotte would make the most sense with her involvement in happiest day, especially if I'm wrong and there is a second name to find in the book. In the lorekeeper ending, we have two obscured gravestones, technically we do know that Charlie is likely one of the hidden graves, but it was never actually said in the games what Cassette Man’s daughter is called. And the logbook would have been a great way to confirm it for the gameline (maybe CassidyPuppet is real if CassidyVictim isn’t lol). It also reinforces Charlie as the protector of the group. We do see her try to look after the others in past minigames, but after hearing Henry talk about it, seeing her help another ghost with his memory would have been good at showing that off.

Personally I believe her grave is the one being covered by grass as opposed to the one on top of the hill, to show how she’s closer to the MCI than Cassidy is. It matches better with the fnaf 3 bad ending as both images would have Golden Freddy behind the others and separate from them. If you look closely the grave is actually really far away, in a hill behind the tree as opposed to right next to it. In happiest day we also have the balloons representing the souls, and Charlie is grouped together with the other four as the fifth child while Cassidy is the sixth kid off to the side.

I lean more towards Charlotte overall because of a wacky theory I have. Remember my idea that the Fredbear suit was used to make Lefty, and a part of Cassidy’s soul is present in the suit that bit him? Well, what if Charlotte and Cassidy are talking inside Lefty?

(As someone who doesn't like goldenduo this is what making this theory feels like lol, I wonder if it was obvious I was going to say something like this when I mentioned my Lefty/Fredbear theory earlier)

I never bought the "talking in the book means these two have to be sharing a body/Stitchwraith is a Golden Freddy/logbook parallel" logic much (Stitchwraith always resembled ennard far more to me), and I'm not completely confident in this idea anyway (technically Cassidy possessing Lefty doesn’t even mean Charlie is faded, or that when they talked in the logbook it was during the time they were in Lefty together—she might be too out of it), but certain details lined up pretty well so I wanted to talk about it.

—Cassidy is acting like he just woke up as a ghost, but Michael only got this book during fnaf 1 by the earliest, and by then he'd be Golden Freddy for years. This also doesn't make sense with him and the fifth child sharing their body for a while now, it's clearly depicting the first time these two ghosts have met and had a proper conversation (asking for a name, testing Cassidy’s memory, etc). Cassidy waking up in Lefty, brought upon by Charlotte's presence, would explain this more. Golden Freddy is also rather ephemeral, not showing up often and disappearing when touched in SAVETHEM, Charlie likely had a tough time getting a hold of Cassidy until they were stuck together.

It's possible that the ghosts communicated before Michael wrote in the logbook, but I think it makes more sense for CASSIDY/MY NAME to be written in the gravestone as opposed to Michael drawing a grave around a name. Michael’s handwriting is also important for figuring out the code, so it would possibly have to go years without being finished if they talked in it before he used it, which is a bit off to me. I guess one of them only knew the other as Cassd instead.

—Something that has ALWAYS bothered me about the logbook is the question, “is this song familiar to you?” There are only a couple of songs I can think of, the Puppet’s music box, Freddy’s music box, and Ballora’s song. Which song is it, and why is faded asking a question about a song that they can’t play on their own? The Puppet doesn’t control the music box, and it’s unlikely that Gabriel is involved here. What song are we even supposed to associate with Cassidy?

There is another song that could be referenced here though, and that’s the lullaby that plays in Lefty. The one that’s always playing in order to calm down the Puppet. My Grandfather’s Clock was a pretty well known song in the 1980s, and it’s associated with the animatronic that Cassidy always had connections too. It could be a song both him and Charlotte liked. This is honestly the main reason I find this theory compelling, it’s hard to figure out other explanations for what ‘song’ this is, or why it’s being played right as faded and CC are talking.

—Cassidy says how he can hear sounds, which is a pretty random detail that doesn’t tell us much, except the fnaf 6 animatronics are specifically attracted to the noises in your office, and can be lured away by sound as well. There’s even the salvage section where you’re supposed to see how they react to audio prompts. Was this line supposed to imply that Cassidy is in a suit that’s affected by noise? I also want to point out how Cassidy mentions hearing sounds in the night 4 section of the logbook, and Lefty gets salvaged on night 4 as well. I don’t think this necessarily happened simultaneously, but it might have been a deliberate reference.

—Lefty’s ‘dream wand’ could even relate back to Faded’s question about Cassidy having dreams. We learn in Alone Together that ghosts can dream, and perhaps Lefty's lullaby makes Cassidy "sleepy" too. Calling it a dream wand also feels sorta pointed? Lately I’ve actually been wondering if this question is subtly asking if Cassidy has been haunting his brother, as technically attacking Michael in his dreams as Nightmare Fredbear would involve Cassidy dreaming with him, lol. Going by my idea that Mike wrote in the book first, faded seems to be asking Cassidy about his dreams in response to Michael drawing Nightmare Fredbear, as if they suspect that Cassidy has something to do with why he drew that.

—Cassidy has trouble seeing, as if he’s lost vision in one eye or is seeing out of the empty eye socket in Lefty. In the fnaf 3 bad ending, we see Goldie with a glowing eye in his left eye socket, and that's the same side where Lefty is missing his eye. Cassidy is on the left while Charlotte is the right. I would like to point out that Molten Freddy, who’s supposed to have the remnant of the MCI, has a glowing left eye too, which is supposed to symbolize that the bad ending of fnaf 3 is canon for now. Lefty missing an eye on his left side could be to indicate Golden Freddy’s presence like how Molten Freddy’s glowing eye shows that the MCI still need to move on.

—This book, where we get Golden Freddy's name, came right after FNAF 6, where Lefty is the Golden Freddy of the game. He gets paired with two different posters, the Afton family fun poster and a creepy pic of the Puppet. The Puppet image is suppose to hint that Charlie is in Lefty, so the poster about the Aftons could be saying...? The poster makes more sense if it was paired with either Scrap Baby or Scraptrap, but it could have been put on Lefty’s alleyway instead as a hint. Maybe them being stuck together in this game even ties into why both Charlotte and Cassidy’s names were obscured. Cassidy's gravestone was revealed in the logbook, while Charlotte's gravestone was revealed in The Fourth Closet, a book that was already being worked on during FFPS. It also shows how putting a spirit back together works, with them having limited cognitive functions like Cassidy in this book.

—I think the Fredbear Plush could be involved as well because of the teaser with a glowing Freddy plush on strings. Lefty might have found it after Henry took it from the SL bunker (or Fredplush teleported to the pizzeria) and kept it for himself. This would reunite Cassidy with another piece of his soul, which would help put him back together for happiest day. Charlie being present makes this more fitting considering how she's the one who gives him his cake (I think this could also relate to what's going on in FNAF world, which I will go into more detail in the second part of this post).

I also believe the question "does he still talk to you?" implies that Cassidy is still able to communicate with his plush friend, as that's spoken in the present tense, like the toy is in contact with him, so the plush should arguably be around somewhere, or sharing a body with Cassidy under PlushVictim.

—The logbook convo would have to take place during fnaf 6 for this to work, but I think it makes enough sense with how old and dirty it is. Maybe Michael brought it with him or Henry found it in the bunker/the Afton house. Heck him finding a bloody book with Mike's name on it could be part of the reason why he didn’t expect Michael to show up, he thought he would be dead. Though I think Michael likely kept it post-scooping since he draws the exotic butters which was only mentioned on night 5.

—Lefty’s voicelines in UCN are very odd, and don’t seem to reflect Charlotte’s character? She tells William to stay out of her way, yet Lefty has been looking for William and doesn’t want to let him go. It matches with the motivations of the VS actually, “I will never let you leave, I will never let you rest” and “I’ve been looking for you, and now I will never let you go”. Lefty’s voice sounds like a more tired Charlotte (perhaps matching her state of mind during FFPS) but Lefty himself seems like his own character.

“It will all be over soon” and “I’m so glad that I found you, let me make room for you” sounds like something he could have said to Charlotte when finding her, and are now being used as threats towards William (I mean Circus Baby does the same thing with ‘you won’t die’ first being used for Mike and now her father, but rephrased in a more threatening way “…but you’ll wish you could”, Lefty’s lines could work the same way). “There is room for one more” implies there’s already someone inside (separating himself from Charlotte) and William will join them, while “Come spend eternity, inside with me” just reflects the general goal of UCN as a never ending punishment for William.

So whoever TOYSNHK is, seems to be VERY familiar with Lefty’s purpose and general goal, and is able to accurately reference it in his dialogue. I don’t think Charlotte was in a good position to understand why Lefty captured her or that it was even his entire reason for existing, since it’s not like that was explained to her at any point. Henry doesn’t talk about him creating Lefty to grab her in his final speech, and she is supposed to have been sleeping/docile for most of her time inside of the robot.

So it’s very possible that TOYSNHK himself only knows so much because he was Lefty and was affected by his programming (I say TOYSNHK but really I mean Golden Freddy, I think whether TOYSNHK is Golden Freddy or not, it makes sense for Goldie to have control over UCN to some extent considering how strong his presence is, or for TOYSNHK to draw on his memories to recreate Lefty, vs Charlotte who likely doesn’t know Lefty’s perspective). Maybe the voice isn’t even supposed to Charlotte's anyway, but rather another child who’s tired of being a restless ghost for decades.

I even looked up the wayback page for what Scott said about Lefty’s voice in a casting call for UCN, and it seems to help my case here: “The character is Lefty, a possessed sentient bear who likes to whisper a taunt after killing the player. The voice should be soft, yet chilling and a little menacing as well.” Soft, chilling, and whispery also perfectly describes the VS’s voice, and taunting the player after killing them matches with Scott saying how the VS likes to toy with the player. I’m also interested by how Lefty is described as possessed and sentient, that’s not something said for the other animatronics from what I’ve seen, though I can’t/haven’t checked them all (not all of them are archived) so I could be wrong. But I’m very curious about whether Lefty is possessed because of Charlotte’s spirit inside the puppet, or if it’s because another spirit is already possessing him. His voice is also supposed to be that of a child’s going by the age range given to him.

It feels like I’m talking bullshit (there are a lot of assumptions here/builds off my other specific theories that aren't confirmed) but it also makes a lot of sense to me. The biggest problem is how it feels like there should be bigger clues to this? But fnaf is always super vague when it comes to Goldie and Cassidy/CC so idk.

Another thing that could add to this is how TUG describes the logbook as being able to help solve the ‘many mysteries’ of FFPS. But the only real mystery solved here is what name belongs to the gravestone. Confirming that Michael is Mike Schmidt and that he’s the fnaf 4 dreamer aren’t even mysteries relevant to fnaf 6. But if LeftyDuo (ugh) is correct, it could explain where Cassidy/CC/Golden Freddy is in FFPS when it’s not made clear that they’re even present. Henry doesn’t talk about either and Goldie’s presence in Molten Freddy is uncertain. It can explain why Lefty tries to kill you when it’s supposed to contain the Puppet, so the AI should be in control, which doesn’t make much sense when he acts so violent with Mike. And if Charlotte is in control, you’d expect her to go after William first. But if the Lefty suit already had another spirit attached (someone who has reasons to hate Michael), and now has to contend with Charlotte’s agony as well, that could explain his violent behavior. ‘Behavior upon suit seal not guaranteed’.

And yes, if this is true it would be incredibly messed up with how Lefty is made to trap and shock the Puppet. There’s the question of how exactly painful the shock would be, I’ve seen some people try to interpret it as more gentle, and maybe Cassidy has enough control to somehow make it less severe— but even if the voltage isn’t painful, being made to trap someone still sounds like a very uncomfortable situation for both kids. If Cassidy is TOYSNHK or helping them out maybe that’s part of why he’s torturing his dad in the next game, he’s upset over the loss of control and how he was forced to hurt Charlotte—which might have been Henry’s fault, but who’s the reason why she’s dead in the first place?

And that’s the first half finally done. I hope this was at least interesting to read even if you don’t agree with the theories I brought up. The next post will cover more frustrating topics such as TOYSNHK and the stitchline debate, but if you're not interested in those/already have your ideas regarding them then I think this post is as complete as it can be. Perhaps in the future I’ll be more thoroughly convinced that CassidyVictim can’t be true, but in the meantime I thought there was no harm in discussing my take on it. Thanks for reading!

[motherhoodandmarriage]

7 Signs of Emotional Disconnection After Parenthood (And How to Fix It)

You're not yelling. You're not in a full-blown crisis. But you're not connected either.

You sit across from each other at dinner and talk about sleep schedules, Amazon orders, and what still needs cleaned. You're doing all the things, raising a baby together, showing up as responsible adults... And yet it feels like something is missing.

We know that feeling well. After our first baby, we looked at each other one night across the couch and realized we hadn’t had a real conversation in weeks. We were in the same room but felt like strangers. And not because of a big fight. But because of the thousand little ways disconnection sneaks in when you’re maxed out.

7 Signs You're Emotionally Disconnected After Baby

This might not be what you expected marriage or partnership to feel like. But it’s more common than you think.

Here are the quiet, creeping signs of emotional disconnection:

1. You're having conversations, but none of them are meaningful. You talk about diaper brands and nap windows and bills. But when was the last time you laughed together? When was the last time you felt like teammates?

2. You keep score. Who got less sleep. Who did more housework. Who needs a break more. You might not even say it out loud, but it’s always running in your head.

When our first baby was cluster feeding every 45 minutes, I (Chelsea) remember being furious that Mike got to go to work, interact with adults, and eat his lunch with two hands. Meanwhile, I was exhausted, touched out, and resenting the hell out of him. But I never said it. I just simmered.

3. Affection feels like pressure. A hug means "Do you want sex?" A compliment means "Are you trying to get something?" Touch doesn’t feel like safety anymore. It feels loaded.

4. You’re constantly irritated. They breathe too loudly. They load the dishwasher wrong. They forgot to replace the wipes. It’s not about any one thing—it’s the constant tension in your body that turns every small annoyance into a personal offense.

5. You feel more like coworkers than lovers. You're passing the baton of responsibility back and forth. One of you is on baby duty, the other is cleaning up dinner. You check boxes all day, then collapse.

6. Silence has become more common than conversation. You’re together, but quiet. Numb. Disconnected. Maybe you're avoiding conflict. Maybe you're both just tired. Either way, there’s a lot left unsaid.

7. You wonder if this is just what marriage is now. You think: Maybe we're just not the same people anymore. Or maybe we never should’ve gotten married. Or maybe this is just what happens after baby—and no one talks about it.

We’ve had all of those thoughts. We’ve whispered them to each other in late-night conversations and cried over them in therapy. We’ve sat on opposite ends of the couch, scrolling, unsure how to find our way back to each other.

So What Helped Us Connect Again?

The short version? We stopped waiting for it to get better on its own. And we stopped assuming that if we loved each other enough, things would just magically realign.

Here’s what we did:

1. We named the disconnection out loud. "I love you. But I feel so far from you." It was scary, but it opened the door to healing.

2. We added intentional check-ins. Ten minutes a day. One question: What’s on your heart? No baby talk. No bills. Just: you and me.

3. We rebuilt safety before we rebuilt sex. No pressure. Just safe touch, appreciation, reminders that we still chose each other.

4. We changed how we talked. Instead of accusing each other, we started saying: "The story I'm telling myself is..." That one sentence changed everything. It let us speak from vulnerability instead of blame.

5. We got support. We weren’t meant to figure this out alone. So we stopped trying to.

Want to Try This Yourself?

Start with our free Communication Scripts. We created these to help you say what you really mean—without blowing up or shutting down. You’ll get:

7 plug-and-play sentence starters

Tips to reduce defensiveness and increase connection

Real examples from couples who used them

📅 Download the Scripts Now >>

And If You’re Ready for More? Work With Us This Summer

We’re inviting 3 couples into our Back to Us: A 6-Week Coaching Experience for couples who are expecting or parenting a little one under 2.

If you want to:

Stop the cycle of miscommunication before it becomes resentment

Learn to communicate like teammates, not adversaries

Start parenthood with shared responsibility for the invisible mental and emotional load

Build intimacy and emotional safety as you prepare for life with baby

This is your chance.

We’ll meet weekly via Zoom. Just you, your partner, and us (Mike + Chelsea). Real coaching. Real stories. Real tools that actually work.

We’re not just here to help you talk about your problems. We’re here to help you fix them together.

Learn more and Apply Here!

You don’t have to keep drifting. You can feel like us again. And we’re here to help you get there.

[briamichellewrites]

51

Jason was thrown into therapy by Muto. He and his mother wanted to know what was going on inside his head. If it was mental illness, they would learn how to help him. He was initially hesitant about talking to a stranger. Muto gave him an ultimatum. If he wanted to continue living with him and his mother, he would have to accept help. His financial situation was tight and he couldn’t afford to live by himself. He would have to pay legal fees with the divorce.

Bria already filed. The court was requesting he respond to the request. When he was served papers, they went through them together. He was not contesting anything. Did he want alimony or spousal support? No. He didn’t want any money from her. Once they filled out the paperwork, he sent it back with a check. Mike got in contact with him to see how he was doing.

He was having regrets. Mike reminded him that he made his bed. Now, he had to deal with the consequences. He would never be truly happy or satisfied if he continually made the wrong decisions. What about Bria? She would pick herself up and continue her life. It might be with Brad, or it might be with someone else. Whoever she chose, he would treat her like the woman she was. He would have to watch her be happy. His tone was stern, as he scolded his little brother.

“What about you and Dave?”

“Dave pushed me into working on myself and my sobriety. He told me that I needed to learn how to love myself first. The reason why I’m being so hard on you is because I know that my little brother is in there somewhere and hopefully, he’s still listening to me.”

When he returned home, Bria was asleep on the couch. Micha and Henry were keeping watch over her. He found it odd since it was one o’clock in the afternoon and she wasn’t known for taking naps. The only time he ever saw her nap was when she returned home from the hospital. Brad came out and over to him. He wanted to talk to him, so they went into the studio. Alarms were going off in his head. Why else would he pull him aside to talk privately?

“I’m sorry for scaring you. I brought you in here, so we don’t wake Bria up.”

“Is she okay?”

“Relatively speaking? Yes. She didn’t sleep well the night before. What did your brother say?”

“He’s having a pity party for himself. Our father has him going to therapy sessions. I’m not putting up with it. He made his bed and now, he has to sleep in it.”

“Is this normal behaviour for him?”

“No, not at all. He’s usually very levelheaded. His problem is flip-flopping. He has ideas in his head that he thinks he wants and he acts on them impulsively. Like getting married to Bria. That came from a very short sexual relationship they had. He all of a sudden decided he wanted to marry her. Then, he decided he wanted an open marriage. We want him to be truly happy.”

Did he have problems with addiction? He thought they mentioned something like that. Yes, he had a drug and alcohol problem. He started using drugs in high school. In college, he started drinking while discovering his sexuality. He went into rehab for his drinking. They had no idea he was using drugs until he broke down in tears. He confessed to Dave that he was a drug addict and needed help.

He brought Bria into his drug use. She had been sober for three years before she went back to using drugs. They never wanted them to get married because they were not ready. They fought against them. He had a feeling that she went along with what he wanted. Brad knew about her addiction because she was open about it. She wanted him to keep her accountable. He had a drug and alcohol problem when he was first starting in Hollywood. It wasn’t anything serious. He was just smoking too much weed.

His ex-wife got him help. When he saw what she and Jason were going through, he felt compassion for them. It was probably misguided, but he knew what it was like to go through a divorce. When he met Bria, he was going through a separation. He saw something special with her. Mike agreed. He had the honour of watching her grow up. She was a one-of-a-kind woman.

They heard knocking on the door. She apologised for interrupting.

“It’s not a problem. We’re just hanging out in here because we didn’t want to wake you up. How are you doing”, Brad asked.

“I’m decaffeinated. Other than that, a lot better.”

“What happened? You couldn’t sleep last night”, Mike asked.

“Yeah. It was just one of those nights where my brain couldn’t shut off. Dave told me where he was going, but I totally forgot.”

“That’s okay. I’ll see where he is. Are you hungry?”

She was, so they had her get dressed to get something to eat. As she did that, he texted Dave to see where he was. He reminded him he was at the gym with Chester.

Yeah, you told me that earlier. I forgot. Brad and I are taking Bria out for dinner because she hasn’t eaten yet. Do you want me to bring you back something? I don’t know where we’re going yet, but I bet I can find something you’ll like. – Mike

Yeah, I’ll eat whatever you bring home for lunch tomorrow. I’ll figure something out for tonight. Maybe I’ll get takeout. I’ll let you know what I decide. – Dave

The restaurant was fairly busy. They got a table inside. Brad loved the restaurant because of their no pictures policy. It was a wonderful break from the paparazzi. They ordered their drinks before looking at the menu. Brad happened to notice how beautiful she looked in the lights. How did he end up falling in love with a woman like her? She was one of the rare women who didn’t care about his fame. He could be vulnerable with her and she wouldn’t judge him.

He didn’t feel pushed off to the side with her. There were endless reasons why he was in love with her. He was going to introduce her to his family. He knew his parents were going to judge her for her young age and for being divorced. What they thought didn’t matter to him because he would stand up for her. They wouldn’t see what he saw.

Would they get married? Maybe. He wouldn’t rule it out. It just had to be the right time. At the moment, he was happy with where their relationship was. Maybe they could plan a vacation for just the two of them. His thoughts got away from him, as he responded to her tapping his arm. The waitress was waiting to take his food order. He laughed embarrassed before telling her what he wanted. Mike remembered when she had done that to him. It was a way of redirecting attention without being obvious.

“My mother used to do that with my father. He had a one-track mind sometimes and he would be so hyper-focused. She had to tap his arm to get his attention whenever they were with a group of people”, she said.

“It’s great because it’s subtle and doesn’t embarrass anyone”, Mike said.

“Did your father have ADHD”, Brad asked.

“He had late onset bipolar disorder. I believe he was screened for ADHD, but he was found not to have it. If I’m remembering correctly. His bipolar diagnosis was why I was evaluated for it. It took a few years before I was diagnosed.”

Ever since they died, she had a hard time talking about them. It was too painful for her. That was why she mentioned her father. Brad would have loved him. They would have had fun hanging out together. Maybe he would hire him for one of his movies. He believed he and Christina were watching their daughter from heaven. They had to be so proud of her because he was. He was proud of the woman she was becoming.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon

[amazildoessomethingstupid]

Chapter 85: Total Recall

Well, now that we’ve had a good laugh and some great times, it’s time to get into the big stuff.  We’ve had our sweet fun chapters, but now it’s time we get serious as we get into Chapter 85: Total Recall. By far one of the most memorable chapters in BCB, with the second most impactful moment in recent memory!

Look we get one alright? I get one.  What was the most impactful moment you ask? Oh, that’s easy!

Why yes, I am proud of myself. Very much so, thank you for asking, your boos make it all the more worth it.  But seriously, Total Recall is an interesting chapter to revisit because going back to reread it’s allowed me to bring up and talk about some of the moments that got overshadowed by that one big moment and the little things that lead to it. One thing I want to point out though about the early part of this chapter though, is all the callbacks!

It straight up just pokes at the carnival chapter! Which I guess it has to since it’s another prom chapter, so it would naturally draw comparison to the previous prom chapter, but still it’s worth mentioning since BCB has this nasty habit of preferring to push aside things from Volume 1 that it doesn’t like.  With a common consensus at the time being, “NEW READERS SHOULD START FROM VOLUME 2! THAT’S THE BEST WAY TO READ BCB!” And while yes, we did also get nods to past gags during the Stacy chapter but that was a commissioned chapter with a character that hadn’t been relevant SINCE Volume 1. But here it’s more in your face and lingers on that a lot, with whole pages used to remind you of what happened, and how far Paulo has come in his romantic journey.  But it’s not just Paulo though, as that jab at the carnival wasn’t just a one-off! It actually sets up THIS scene:

Yeah! The awkward talk between Daisy and Augustus, that reaffirms his character and shows that the AU of Love My Way was correct in that he was just intending for that moment to be nothing more than a kiss, but it was still over the line?  The scene where Daisy repells Augustus, but tells him that he needs help? THAT WAS IN THIS CHAPTER! I COMPLETELY FORGOT! I bet you did too, didn’t you?  But as for the actual chapter, Paulo goes to the junior prom and we get to spend time with all of them!  Of course, Rachel, but also Jess, Matt and Jordan who is…

Going through his own character arc it seems.  And I love it! It harkens to a critique I had with the comic at the time, and even now in that it shows that there is life outside of the main characters’ plotlines!  While I’ve complained and maintain that Jordan’s no-good-very-bad-inconsequential love square is fucking POINTLESS; in here it helps flesh out the world a bit.  Much like the Stacy chapter, it shows that these side-characters we may not care about have lives of their own, their own little drama arcs and romantic interests, it’s nice! Although it’s weird to compare him to Mi- wait a second…

oh ha. Ha. Very funny Taeshi- IS THAT WHY ROXY GETS SHOVED ASIDE AND CAST AWAY LIKE SHE NEVER EXISTED? IS THAT MEANT TO BE LIKE HOW MIKE TREATED LUCY? *hissss* positivity. Positivity… BUT WE WERE ROBBED! Everyone gushes over how adorable the twink team is...

BUT WE HAD THIS CUTIE PATOOTIE WAIFU BAIT RIGHT HERE! SHE HAD A FUCKING NAME! SHE HAD POTENTIAL! WE WERE RRRRROOOOBBBBBEEEED! Ahhh oh well.  The girls hang back as the boys drive home, and we are treated to an actually nice bit where Jordan sympathizes with Paulo a bit, and it’s sweet before they all get Charlie St. Cloud’d an-… OH MY GOD I GET TO USE THIS PHRASE! OH MY GOD GET IN THE CAR, WE GOTTA GO RIGHT NOW! I GOTTA SHOW YOU SOMETHING!

So “Getting Charlie St. Cloud’d” is a term that I and only I ever use.  If you find another person using that term, that is me do not reveal yourself until the time is right.  I have been waiting YEARS to use the term, because it perfectly describes a common trope in media.  The phrase comes from the movie Charlie St. Cloud. Have you ever seen Charlie St. Cloud?  No! Of course you haven’t, it’s a stupid boring fucking movie from 2010 that is only known for two things.  One being that it starred Zach Efron hot off the heels of High School Musical in a dumb melodrama about a guy talking to his little ghost brother, but the other was that in the trailer for the movie it prominently featured the trope where two characters are having a benign conversation where out of fucking now-

And now the cursed knowledge of the phrase, “Getting Charlie St. Clouded” is in your brain tooooo.  But jokes aside, we really should talk about this scene because it does something very very well.  Pacing.  And I know, I joke and poke and get angry at the overuse of splash pages in recent chapters.  Going so far as making a drinking game out of Eternal Flame for how many there were in that but in Total Recall? I’m going to tell you to do something that I would never tell you to do under any other circumstance because this is actually important.  I want you, to stop right now.  And go to the official Bittersweet Candy Bowl website- NOW DON’T CLICK ANYTHING YET, DO NOT LOOK AT THE FRONT PAGE! Okay, DON’T read the comic.  Glance at the pretty colors, but do not even read the words. I’m going to guide you through this, okay? this next part may be tricky but I need to be particular about this.  Some people reading this may not have actually read BCB, so we have to be VERY delicate, and VERY particular about this.  This is a live bomb we are handling and I do not want to be responsible for any of you who have not been caught in this hellhole, to fall for it now! So, keep your eyes firmly at the top of your screen.  Where it says Bittersweet Candy Bowl, right underneath there are going to be a few words.  You are going to click the word “Archive”, now this is very important there are going to be a list of chapters DO NOT CLICK ANY OF THEM YET! You are going to count the numbers and scroll down the list until you find number 85. Total Recall.  If you see a banner that says “Volume Six” you have scrolled too far! Calmly but firmly scroll a  little further up and you should see Chapter 85.  Now you will notice that under that chapter’s description there are a few titled links.  You are going to click the link that says “Blinding Light” it should take you to page 25 of 42.  Click on that comic page, and you will see what makes this scene with all its splash pages… blows every other excuse for “pacing splash pages” out of the water.  It is fantastic.  It’s minimal, and it’s Taeshi at her most brilliant.  It’s dramatic pacing in a webcomic done right. It’s Taeshi utilizing her artistic talent to perfectly set a scene.  The stark contrast of pages filled with word bubbles to a hard splash page of white ruggedly brushed to fade into black.  The realistic watercolors working in perfect comparison to the cartoonish artstyle we had been accustomed to in Volume 5. Fading softly into white again to reintroduce us to the cartoonish style in a bouquet of flowers. The use of longer vertical pages to turn what could’ve been three splash pages of nothing into only two pages! It doesn’t waste your time, it perfectly itself and puts you into the place of Paulo’s waning consciousness.  And we see the light at the end of the tunnel.

it’s SO good! There’s a reason it’s the one thing people remember from The Paulo Show.  The way this scene is handled, perfectly exemplifies what Taeshi is capable of.  This was what made me realize that Taeshi wasn’t good.  She was great.  She was an artist, and she is able to do fantastic work.  Even when the characters look like munchkins, she could turn it serious and make you shut up without missing a beat. I mean think about it.  Paulo just got Charlie St. Cloud’d one of the oldest tricks in the book, we get baited with Lucy coming back when we know that wasn’t happening.  It was bait to make us think Lucy was there to see Paulo when even back then I knew that it wasn’t just for him. It was because her brother was in the car too when it got wrecked, and so her family probably insisted she come see him. But none of that mattered. Because this scene was fucking PERFECT.

AND THE AFTER CARE IS GOOD TOO! We get everyone showing up to Paulo’s bedside and showing that they care, it’s filled with some well-needed comic relief that much like the rest of The Paulo Show, is really fun and sweet.

 And it’s capped off by a talk with Tess explaining how like Paulo she too has progressed and moved on from who she was in that last prom chapter. She shows that she’s in a better place now, and is able to move on.  Yeah, it’s kinda forced and it’s blatant exposition to explain her lack of presence in the last two volumes but… It doesn’t matter.

10/10

It was perfect

[nineliabilityrisk]

⭐

[ send a " ⭐ " and i will list muses i would be interested in throwing at yours ]

[ asked by @muutos ]

this one took a while to get to bc i realized how much i wanted birdie to interact with some of ur muses and then got distracted with trying to set up her blog and stuff but im here to answer this now hopefully . my brain is still all over the place please excuse me

[formatting is "your muse - my muse(s) i would like to see with them"]

vanessa - sb verse mikey :] torment this little shit. because the concept of these two interacting is so fucking hilarious im so happy the movie brought it up and this way it doesnt even have to be movieverse. also i NEED her and birdie to interact so so so bad im trying so hard to finish up birdies sideblog its taking forever but i wanted the chance to give them a lil separate space to themselves. uh who else. i have glambun and cassie of course, she can have fun with them, and joshton also has a sb verse!! i know i never talk about him but id love love love to introduce him with vanessa or one of ur other muses

henry emily - cmon. i love your henry so much id willingly throw literally ANY of my muses at him i <3 him. ive already spent eons talking abt how much i love the potential dynamic between him and michael because i DO, so so so much. also just like i said to nic, he can interact with literally any of my animatronics whenever. i NEED interactions with him and lefty there is something so personal about those two. and of course ciarán goes without saying. your henry already gave him too much attention (like. literally one [1] positive sentence so far) and hes already hooked. good luck getting rid of that fucker. hes never letting go. sorry you shouldve known better than to be sweet with him (/lh)

mangle - im ngl i would love to have interactions with them and one of my withered animatronics. or jeremy, yknow,,, before Shit Goes Bad. could be fun. joshton Also has a verse where he works in the fnaf 2 location because i just kinda stick him wherever he would fit so if you wanna use it to traumatize the poor little minimum wage worker go right ahead i think itd be real funny

freddy fazbear - b..bonnie... thats it just bonnie i want the classic duo back i dont care what era. also if you want him to torment mike or josh theyre always up for it, as has been mentioned multiple times

roxanne wolf + glamrock freddy - lumping them together because theyd be interacting with about the same characters. same list as vanessa!!! its so funny because i wasnt interested in sb at ALL before ruin / interacting with you and ur little corner of the rpc and now im. fucken entangled in it. help.

vincent demarco - weve talked abt my interest in him before but like i said every time you rb some musings about him or something i go a little insane. also did you know his birthday is literally one day before mine i just realized it when i checked his bio page. anyway i really wanna toss like. ciar or josh or someone at him at some point just to see what would happen. he just intrigues me i just wanna see whats goin on in that brain of his idk idk

these arent really specific muse matchups but. every time i see you play like. stu or gwen or ar'alani i lose my mind a little and get reminded of all the muses from their medias i could pick up but i have to stop myself bc thats so much WORK. the star wars fixation would be enough to overpower it and make me find someone to interact with ar'alani if it werent for the fact that i havent managed to get my hands on the thrawn books yet and ive never watched star trek so i dont know anything about your interpretation and it makes me so so so upset. anyway this is an open offer (that may not make sense if you havent watched star wars rebels) but if you would like i would pick up ezra bridger to interact with her in a HEARTBEAT. it wouldnt matter how fucking clueless i am because hes clueless as shit too. i am so so sorry if this sounds overbearing or something i do NOT mean for it to be i have just been wanting to play these star wars muses for YEARS now. the star wars community is just so much more terrifying than this little group here. so the fact that someone that i know and trust and have written with before has even Somewhat of a star wars muse has. driven me a little bit insane. (/pos) this is all /nf of course im just. yeah 👍 this probably makes no fucking sense im sorry i am unwell about star wars

[survey--s]

571.

Do you own anything from Victoria's Secret "Pink" line? Do you really think the clothes are worth the price? Nope. I’m not even sure if Victoria’s Secret exists here lol. I guess there are probably a few shops in London or whatever.

What does your last incoming text say, who was it from, and how do you feel about that person? From Mike asking where the kitten’s food was. He’s my husband and I love him, though he does ask silly questions lol.

Did you have a New Year's kiss? No, I was asleep at midnight ha.

Are there any words that you cannot pronounce or that you pronounce incorrectly? Nothing is coming to mind right now.

After a long day at work or of doing something physical what tends to hurt more? Your back or your feet? My back, for sure. I have chronic back pain anyway though.

Do you have a smart phone? If so, what's your favorite app? Sure. I use Reddit, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and Mumsnet the most, plus Spotify and a few games too.

Who would you say is the overall best person you know, and why? My husband. Because he picked me and continues to pick me.

If you had to choose between being a Nurse or an English teacher which would you choose and why? An English teacher - I’d hate to be a nurse - I’m really not very good with bodily fluids and bad smells lol.

Do you have a specific gas station you usually go to? Or do you stop wherever? Yeah, the one at the end of our road lol. I mean, I’ll go to other places if I need to but that one’s the most convenient.

How much older than you was the oldest person you have dated/had a relationship with? Chris was eight years older than me.

Is anything stressing you out at the moment? Nah, I’m feeling pretty chilled out right now. 

What is your opinion on dating someone who already had a child/children from a previous relationship? Been there, done that, would never do it again.

Have you ever actually found a mascara that makes a huge difference for your lashes? Sure, most of them seem to do the job.

Would you rather have one or two great facial features that stand out, or have just an overall pretty face but have no special features? An overall pretty face, I think. 

Do you have any plans for Valentine's Day? Did you do anything last Valentine's Day? It’s only July lol. We didn’t do anything last year, we never do.

Do you check your horoscope daily? If so, did you relate to your horoscope at all today? No.

When you need to remember something, how do you usually go about doing so? I put a reminder in my phone.

Do you think you're a confident person? In your opinion what makes someone "confident" anyways? I think I have an average amount of confidence? I mean, I’m happy to go places alone and do things alone, at least.

How would you describe someone that is your type of guy/girl? I really don’t have a type.

Do you read books often? What is your all time favorite book and author? I don’t really read much anymore, but my favourite author is probably Neil Gaiman. Neverwhere is definitely my favourite book of his but I also like Alice in Wonderland and The Night Circus. I love fantasy type stuff that’s also kind of based in reality.

Have you recently accomplished anything that you are proud of yourself for? Yes! Setting up my own successful business, and I’m also proud of myself for learning to ride horses even though I fell off in a lesson and it really knocked my confidence.

Are you still friends with any of your exes? Do you still communicate with any of them at all? I wouldn’t say we were friends but I have a few of them on my Facebook.

What is your opinion on people that shop at Sephora for makeup as opposed to buying makeup from the drugstore? I really don’t care - people can spend their money on whatever they want.

When you enter a store like Target or Walmart where is the first section you go? It depends - normally I just start at the entrance and work round unless there’s something specific I’ve gone in for.

Are you the type of person to fight for someone or walk away? It depends on the situation, but normally I’ll fight before walking away.

Is marijuana legal for "recreational use" where you live? Also what is your opinion on the recent legalization of marijuana in certain states? Nope. I don’t really agree with it being legalised but I do think it should probably be decriminalised.

Do you live on your own or with your parents/a roommate? Do you think you'd like to live alone? I live with my husband, three cats and a dog. If Mike died I think I’d prefer to live alone rather than with a roommate.

How often would you say you use Microsoft Word? Never.

What is the last online purchase you made? Some supplements for the dogs’ anal glands lol.

Do you usually have bad symptoms around "that time of the month"? Yeah, mood swings and spots beforehand, then pretty bad cramps for a couple of days - even to the point of vomiting. I also get diarrhoea for a few days lol. 

Is there anyone you have to see on a daily/weekly basis that you really dislike? Nope, thankfully not.

Is your hair thick or thin? Would you say it's easy to manage? It’s really fine and flyaway - it’s not very easy to manage, no. It’s curly but frizzy and really not very nice lol. I just tie it up mostly.

Have you ever had to deal with any type of long distance relationship, whether it be a romantic relationship or a friendship? Yes.

Are you procrastinating doing anything right now? No.

How do you feel about being called sweetie/dear/honey/etc.? I’m not really a fan.

Have you ever had a thing for/relationship with a coworker? How did it end? I met Chris through work but we didn’t get together until he left.

What type of deodorant do you use? Do you notice any difference between powders and gels? Just whatever is on offer at the supermarket. I only use spray stuff though, I find roll-ons really sticky and unpleasant.

What would you say is your worst habit? Squeezing spots.

Do you have a place you go to a lot that you may be considered "a regular" at? Yeah, our local ice-cream coffee place, I guess.

Do you ever read the articles posted on the home page of Xanga? Has there ever been one that has really stood out to you? I’m sure I have done, but none of them stick in my mind now.

What is the weather currently like where you live? Rainy. It’s due to be like this for pretty much the whole of the next week lol.

Is there anyone that you text on a regular basis that you do not have saved in your phone? If so, why don't you have their number saved? Nope.

Do you have any plans for Mardi Gras? We don’t have that here.

[the-wild-wolves-around-you]

tell me we'll never get used to it

Pairing: Eddie Munson/Fem!Reader; Eddie Munson/You

Summary: Sequel to "i can't carry it for you, but i can carry you," but this one can technically be read as a standalone.

Set a few weeks after the finale, you and Eddie are finally healed enough from your ordeals to have sex. You both get a little stoned on California weed, and then Eddie confesses to you that not only is he a virgin, he's also self-conscious of the scars the demo-bats gave him. So you seek to reassure him, remind him how much you love him, with both your words and your body.

Rating: E(xplicit). Minors DNI

Warnings: smoking/shotgunning weed, smut, virgin!eddie munson, loss of virginity, oral sex (f/m receiving), fingering, unprotected sex, vaginal sex, creampie, praise kink, dirty talk, pet names, riding, scars, self-confidence issues

A/N: I started this fic with the intention of making something quick and smutty, and then it turned into... this. And this fic stems from my deep seated belief that Eddie Munson deserves to get really high and have really tender loving sex, and since the Duffers are cowards, I did it myself. Also, as much as I love bad boy, sex-god Eddie, I just head cannon Eddie Munson as a virgin because come on, lol, he's a DnD nerd who plays in a "weird" band, sells drugs, and failed senior year twice. I love him with all my heart, but the boy has never gotten his dick wet lmao

(And, yes, I took the title from a Richard Siken poem, sue me)

Ao3 Link: Here

“‘Kay, kids, I think it’s time to pack it in,” Steve said as he stood up and clapped his hands.

“What?!” Mike, Lucas, Dustin, and Will protested in unison, snapping their heads up from where they were crowded around your long coffee table.

“We’ve barely even started,” Mike argued as his eyebrows furrowed sharply.

“Yeah, the sun hasn’t even set yet,” Dustin added, stabbing an accusatory finger at where the fading orange sunlight was filtering in through the living room window. “We’ve got like, at least thirty, thirty-five minutes before we need to leave.”

“But we’ve been playing for hours,” Robin groaned as she flopped over on the couch, into the space Steve had just vacated. “I’m bored.”

“You’re only bored because you died,” Dustin shot back. “By tripping off a cliff, I might add, which I’m still not sure how you did that…”

“And this is nothing,” Nancy scoffed from beside Robin. “Mike once ran a marathon forty-eight hour session in our basement, starting Friday and going all through the weekend. That room smelled disgusting by Sunday night.”

“Shut. Up. Nancy!” Mike was sitting cross-legged on the floor, and he turned and scowled at his sister over his shoulder. He was blushing, and when El giggled from where she was leaning against Mike’s opposite shoulder, he only blushed harder.

“Only telling the truth,” Nancy said as she raised her hands.

“I believe you,” Steve muttered and then ducked when Dustin threw a six-sided die at him. “Hey! That’s it! Party’s over. It’s past your bedtimes, so pack up all your little toys and dolls.”

“Hey, no need to disrespect the game, Harrington,” Eddie said from behind you.

He was sitting in the recliner your mom’s boyfriend bought only a few months ago, and he looked every inch like a king on his throne when you glanced up at him from where you were sitting— also cross-legged —between his feet. Since he’d been discharged from the hospital, he hadn’t let you leave his side, and he always had to be touching you, not that you were complaining. Right now, both of his legs were pressed against the outside of your arms, and one of his hands was idly playing with your hair.

“I have respect for the game,” Steve huffed with his hands on his hips, like a disgruntled mother. “But like Robin said, it’s been hours, and you know Agent Mustache gets pissed when we’re not back in our homes by sunset.”

All at once, the teasing atmosphere in your living room evaporated, and you watched as everyone’s smiles slowly faded.

It had been three weeks since everything went to shit. Three weeks since Hawkins was split in half by the Upside Down’s gates. In those three weeks, a lot had changed. For one, Hawkins felt like a ghost town now. Most people had either fled or been evacuated. But there were still a few hold outs: a couple of simply stubborn people who didn’t like being told what to do, a handful of others who just had nowhere else to go, and some old men and women who’d been born in Hawkins and planned to die there, too.

And, of course, the families of the kids in this room. El had needed to stay to deal with the gates, and Mike of course wasn’t leaving her, which meant neither were Dustin, Lucas, and Will. Steve, Nancy, and Robin felt like they needed to protect the kids, and you and Eddie had already given a pound of flesh to the cause, so what was a little more?

The government hadn’t been too happy with the number of liabilities left on their hands, but Mike pointed out that he and his friends had already broken into a secret lab and a Russian spy operation, so slipping back into Hawkins would have been child’s play. The government just gave up trying to make them leave after that.

Instead, they’d instated a curfew. A heavily enforced curfew. Soldiers armed with flamethrowers roamed the barren and broken streets of Hawkins at all times, but at night the patrols doubled, bright headlights sweeping the darkness for anything that moved.

Surprisingly, nothing had happened yet. In fact, it had been relatively quiet. The gates were still a ghostly specter that haunted the town, spewing forth ash and killing all plant life within a certain radius. But nothing else had come through the portals. No demo-dogs, or bats, no Demogorgons, nothing. El and Will said it felt like Vecna was biding his time, licking his wounds, preparing for his next big move, so everyone was just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

But there were only so many strategy meetings a group of teens could sit through, only so much prep and training they could do. Sometimes, everyone just needed a break, a few hours to not think about monsters, or the world ending, or the fact that Max still hadn’t woken up, no matter how hard El tried to reach her.

And that’s where Eddie Munson came in. Eddie, with his infectious smile and enthusiasm, his elaborate storytelling skills that ensnared his audience and made the real world just fall away. Everyone had become an honorary member of the Hellfire Club, even Steve “the Hair” Harrington. Not everyone was particularly good, but it was a fun way to pass the time, a nice reprieve from all the life-and-death situations this group somehow always found themselves in.

But now, reality had come calling once again.

“Ugh, way to kill the mood, Steve,” Dustin sighed, breaking the morose silence as he flopped back onto the carpeted floor.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m the bad guy.” Steve rolled his eyes. “Blame me all you want, but we still gotta get going.”

The kids all grumbled as they started packing up, and as if on cue, Jonathan suddenly came stumbling in through the back door off the kitchen, coughing and watery-eyed. He’d excused himself about half an hour ago, and it wasn’t hard to tell what he’d been doing on your back porch.

“Hey, guys are we, uh, heading out soon?” he drawled. “Sun’s setting.”

He blinked slowly at everyone, and you saw Will roll his eyes, which made Mike, Lucas, and Dustin stifle snorts. Then Dustin got this mischievous look you knew too well, and he turned to Jonathan with a startled expression.

“What are you talking about, dude?” the kid asked. “We’ve been here all night, that’s the sunrise.”

Jonathan balked and snapped his head toward the window, which caused the whole room to break out in laughter. Blushing, the older Byers rubbed the back of his head, and Nancy smiled as she walked over, placed her hand on his arm, and murmured something to him in a reassuring cadence.

You didn’t know what was going on with Nancy and her so-called boyfriend, especially with the way Steve was staring at the pair of them, but you were a professional at minding your own damn business, so you turned away from them, craned your neck back, and looked up at Eddie behind you.

“That was a good session, Munson,” you said, smiling up at him as you leaned your temple against his knee.

“I know.” He smirked, but then he narrowed his eyes at you. “Wait, why do you sound surprised? All of my sessions are good sessions, Obi. You might be a Jedi Master, but I am the Dungeon Master.”

Even after all this time, that stupid nickname he gave you made butterflies erupt in your belly.

“Of course.” You nodded, making sure you face was very serious. “You are the Dungeon Master to end all Dungeon Masters. No one can hold a candle to your genius.”

“That’s more like it,” Eddie said with a pleased expression, and he wrapped a lock of your hair around his finger. His eyes were dark and deep as he stared down at you, but his touch was soft when his thumb brushed the side of your face.

You leaned into his hand with a sigh, but the moment was abruptly broken by Dustin making a gagging noise.

“Ugh, get a room you two,” he groaned.

You whipped your head around and raised an eyebrow at him.

“Um, this is my house, Henderson,” you reminded him. “And didn’t your babysitter say it was time to go, anyway?”

Dustin made an affronted noise, and you laughed as you stood up and stretched your back. But before you could move to help pick up some of the various snack bowls scattered around the living room floor, two hands suddenly snaked around your waist, tugging you backward.

“Munson!” you gasped as you fell into his lap, the chair rocking back from your added weight. You turned your head to chide him, but then Eddie seized your lips, one of his hands coming up to cup the back of your head.

Instantly, the living room, your friends, and the rest of the world faded around you. Eddie had this… magnetism about him or something. Every time he looked at you, touched you, especially kissed you, it was like nothing else existed except the two of you. Now wasn’t any different, and you sighed as you opened your mouth to his probing tongue.

But all too soon, he pulled away, and when your eyes fluttered open, he was smirking.

“Okay, yup, time to go,” you distantly heard Steve mutter, followed by a chorus of agreements.

“Heh, worked like a charm,” Eddie whispered in your ear, and you knew he was just joking around, but his warm breath brushing your skin made you shiver.

You didn’t want to completely embarrass yourself in front of your friends, though, so you shook your head to clear it, pushed yourself off Eddie’s lap, and walked everyone to the door. The sun was just starting to dip below the tree line, and you could see a government Jeep roll by the end of the street, but everyone lived pretty close, so they should able to beat curfew.

Nancy and Mike climbed into Nancy’s car to head back to the Wheelers’, and Steve was practically the designated carpool, so he was dropping off Robin, Lucas, and Dustin. Jonathan was taking Will and El back to the combined Hopper-Byers residence, and even though his eyes were still bloodshot, you knew Jonathan was a cautious driver and would get them all home.

Maybe just a little bit slower than everyone else.

You stood on your front porch and waved goodbye until the last car slipped out of sight, and you fought back a yawn as you dropped your arm. Then your eyes trailed to the reddish sky, searching the streaks of black clouds that perpetually hovered over the gates.

It felt so strange to be living a somewhat normal life with the apocalypse hanging over everyone’s neck, but what else were you supposed to do?

“Obiii-wannn.” Eddie’s singsongy voice pulled you from your thoughts, and his arms wrapped around your waist as he tugged you back against his chest. Then he pressed a kiss to your hair and rested his chin on the top of your head. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“All the shit rolling around up here would definitely cost more than a penny,” you snorted and leaned back into him.

“Ah, well, never mind then, cuz I’m broke.”

You laughed as you turned in the circle of his arms, and the lopsided grin you loved so much was beaming down at you. You rose up on your tiptoes to kiss him, but before your lips could meet, the sharp honk of a car horn blared behind you, making you jump.

Glancing over your shoulder, you saw one of the government Jeeps stopped in the middle of the street in front of your house, and the soldier in the passenger seat gave you a pointed look through the open window.

You blushed as you fell back on your heels, but Eddie just wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you against his side.

“Evenin’, gentlemen,” he called out as he put two fingers to his forehead in a jaunty salute. “We were just heading inside. Keep up the good work!”

The soldiers seemed unimpressed with him, but Eddie just snickered as he turned and steered you back into the house.

“Tough crowd,” he said as you shut and locked the door behind you.

Since the town still needed power, and since he was used to the hours, Wayne had continued to work nightshifts— with ample guards, of course— so he wouldn’t be home until after dawn, and he had a copy of the key to let himself in.

“I don’t know why you have to antagonize them,” you sighed, referring to the soldiers, as you turned to your boyfriend.

“Because it’s funnnn.” Eddie grinned, and he reached out to pull you against him again. “And I’ll take all the fun I can get these days.”

You didn’t blame him for that.

Still, you playfully rolled your eyes as you pulled away. Eddie made a whining noise in the back of his throat and grabbed after you, but you batted his hands back.

“Help me pick up first,” you chuckled. “Then you can Velcro yourself to me while I warm up dinner.”

“Nooo, let’s just pick up everything later,” Eddie said with a cajoling grin.

“And let Wayne trip over all this shit in the morning when we inevitably forget and fall asleep?” You raised an eyebrow and gestured to the living room floor, which was still strewn with snacks and the various odds and ends that came with every DnD session.

“Fine,” Eddie pouted, but then he got a mischievous glint in his brown gaze. “That just means you’ll have to wait longer for my surprise.”

You couldn’t help it. Your curiosity was piqued.

“What surprise?” you asked as you narrowed your eyes at him.

“That’s not how surprises work, Obi.” He smirked and wagged a finger at you, spinning on heel. “You’ll just have to wait and see now. Cleaning up comes first after all. It’s so very important.”

You knew that when Eddie got like this, he would tease you to the point of torture. He would pick up one paper, one stray chip at a time just to drag it out until you eventually broke and gave in to his demands.

“I am a hostage living in my own home,” you muttered, bending down to pick up an empty bowl covered in Dorito-dust fingerprints.

“How’s that Stockholm Syndrome treating you, baby?” Eddie asked with a wink, and you turned away from him so he couldn’t see your stupid, dopey smile.

God, you loved him. Even when he was being annoying.

Thankfully, he didn’t seem in the mood to torture you too much tonight, because he helped you pick up relatively quickly. He did distract you several times by brushing up against you on his way to the kitchen, and then twice just to full on kiss you, but eventually the living room floor was no longer a death trap. You’d mostly just stacked the mess in different places— empty bowls on the kitchen counter, and DnD supplies on a living room end table— but at least it wasn’t underfoot anymore.

And it wasn’t like your mom or her boyfriend were here to bitch at you, anyway.

“Alright, Munson,” you said, and you turned to him and placed your hands on your hips. “What’s this surprise?”

“Aw, I think you can ask a little nicer than that, sweetheart,” Eddie teased as he faced you in the middle of your living room. His dark-brown eyes were dancing with a playful delight, and he tapped the fingers of his right hand against his lips, like he was trying to hide his shit-eating grin.

He wasn’t successful.

But two could play this game.

You dropped your arms from your hips and slowly sauntered up to him, closing the distance in three strides. Some of the cockiness went out of his gaze the closer you got, and once you came to a stop in front of him, you slowly wound your arms around his neck, pressing your chest into his. Then you rose up on your tiptoes and brushed your lips against the shell of his ear.

“Pretty please?” you breathed, punctuating the question with a flick of your tongue against his earlobe.

Eddie groaned deep in his chest, and you knew you’d won.

Smirking, you dropped back onto your heels, but Eddie latched his hands onto your hips to keep you from pulling away. When he looked down at you, his eyes were narrowed, and his lips were pressed into a thin line.

“You are evil,” he deadpanned. “Evil Obi. You might have all the others fooled, but I can see the horns holding up your halo.”

You grinned, stuck your tongue out, and lifted your hands up to your head in the symbol for horns, copying a face Eddie had made many times.

It worked like a charm, because the fake-hardness to his expression melted, and he bent down to slant his mouth over yours.

“Is this my surprise?” you giggled against his lips. “Not that I’m complaining, but it isn’t exactly a surprise when you kiss me every five minutes.”

“Five minutes?” Eddie gasped, pulling away from you with wide eyes. “Shit, I’m way off schedule. No way am I gonna make my daily quota now.”

You giggled again and playfully shoved his shoulder. “I’m serious. You have me dying with curiosity now. What’s the surprise?”

“Well, we definitely can’t have you dying,” Eddie said with a smirk, and one of his hands left your hip to dig around the back pocket of his jeans. After a moment of rummaging, he withdrew his hand with a flourish and dangled something in between your faces. “Ta-da!”

You blinked and leaned back a little to bring the object into focus, but the smell hit you before your brain processed what was in the small plastic baggie.

“No way,” you murmured, reaching up for the bag of weed. “Where the hell did you get this?”

The two of you hadn’t smoked anything besides cigarettes in weeks. Eddie had suggested maybe going back out to Rick’s to see if the drug dealer had anything stashed since Rick himself was still in jail, but Lover’s Lake was a hot zone with Watergate being in the center of it, so neither you nor Eddie wanted to take the risk for a little grass.

“I have my ways,” Eddie said as he tugged the bag out of your reach. “A good man never reveals his sources, like a magician never reveals his tricks.”

You raised an eyebrow at him and crossed your arms over your chest, and he caved in less than thirty seconds.

“Alright, twist my arm, damn,” he grumbled. “IIIII might have told Byers— the older one— that my pain levels have been… higher than they actually are, and he was a good enough friend to give me some primo pain management all the way from California.”

“Munson!” you gasped, your tone half scandalized, half amused. “You conned Jonathan out of what is probably the last of his Cali stash?”

“It was for a good cause!”

“And what cause is that?” you asked as you tried to keep from laughing, but it was hard when Eddie was standing there pouting like an innocent puppy while holding a bag of illicit substances.

“Becauseeeee… I wanted to get high with you?” Eddie replied with a sheepish smile. “And I think I deserve it after being such a brave hero, don’t you?”

“You’re really going to milk that forever, aren’t you?” you deadpanned, but secretly you were happy that he saw himself as you did, even if just a little, even if he tried to make it a joke.

“Forever and ever, baby.” He grinned before shaking the bag at you. “So, what do you say, Obi? Do you want to enjoy your surprise, or do you want to be a goody two shoes and give Byers back his weed?”

You narrowed your eyes at him, trying to look conflicted, but really, there was no question.

“Fine.” You snatched the bag out of his hand while his grin widened. “But I’m rolling. You always make them too fat.”

“No such thing,” Eddie snickered, but he dutifully followed you back to your bedroom.

You went over to your desk while Eddie sauntered over to the bed. Before your mother left, you always kept your papers and lighters hidden deep in a junk drawer, or even in the floorboards after David moved in and started giving you shit when you came home from Eddie’s smelling particularly skunky. But now she and David were gone, and Wayne honestly didn’t give a shit. He even sometimes smoked a bit himself to deal with the pain that came from working in a powerplant for thirty odd years. So, your tray was just sitting in the corner of your desk, and you pulled it towards you as you flicked on the lamp in the opposite corner.

Behind you, Eddie had grabbed his guitar from the side of the bed and was idly strumming out the riff of a Motorhead song. Gareth had given him a small amp after the Munson trailer was destroyed, but Eddie was always respectful and kept the volume at a tolerable level, unless you asked him to crank it up. It might be strange to some, but you found the heavy rock chords soothing, and you hummed along absently as you picked up your grinder.

“Obiiiii,” Eddie sing-songed from the bed behind you, and he suddenly paused his strumming.

“I haven’t even started yet, Munson,” you said without looking back at him. “Patience.”

“But why are you allllll the way over there?” he asked, and you could just imagine the pout on his face. “Just come roll it on the bed.”

“You know that never ends well,” you snorted, shooting a look at him over your shoulder. And yup, he was pouting. “We always end up spilling it, and I am not picking crumbs out of my carpet and wasting what little we have.”

“We don’t always spill it,” Eddie argued, but when you just cocked an eyebrow at him, he huffed. “Okay, maybe, like, eighty percent of the time.”

“So basically always.” You shook your head and faced forward again, opening the bag of weed and trying not to greedily inhale like a crazy person. God, you’d missed smoking. Your anxiety had been through the roof this past week as everyone waited for the other shoe to drop. You just wanted one night to not think about it. “Just give me five minutes, and I’ll come join you.”

“That’s soooo long, though,” Eddie groaned from behind you. “I don’t know if I’ll make it that long.”

You glanced at him again to see he’d sprawled back dramatically on your pillows, his guitar laying across his chest. He was staring at you with those puppy dog eyes again, but your gaze got sidetracked by the sliver of pale skin just visible between the hem of his black hoodie and the tops of his black and torn jeans— both hand-me-downs from Jonathan, though Eddie was a bit taller. Heat bloomed to life in the pit of your gut, but it was quickly extinguished when you saw the edge of a pink and still-healing scar.

That night, filled with blood and the shrieking of bats, suddenly filled your mind, and now you wanted to be close to him, too, to feel him pressed against you, warm skin and beating heart.

You didn’t say anything as you turned back to the desk, quickly gathered your tray and supplies, and stood from your chair. You crossed the room in two strides, but instead of sitting on the bed itself, you sat on the floor between the wall and the side of the bed. Pressing back against the mattress with Eddie’s legs dangling to the left of you, you stretched out your own legs and set the tray of supplies between your thighs.

“Wait, are you telling me that worked?” Eddie laughed from the bed above you.

“Hush, I’m working,” you muttered, but you leaned your shoulder into the side of his leg to quell the latent panic still haunting the corners of your brain.

He was fine. He was sitting right here beside you, alive, and the two of you were going to get high, so all was right with the world.

You repeated these things to yourself as you slowly ground up some of Jonathan’s weed, but almost like he could hear your thoughts, Eddie suddenly swung himself upright. Then he slid down to sit beside you on the floor, leaving his guitar against your pillows. His legs were longer than yours, so when he stretched them out, his toes brushed the edge of the wall in front of you.

“That’s better,” Eddie sighed as he leaned against you, settling his right hand on top of your thigh.

It was still strange to see his fingers bare, but the ring he previously wore on that hand was now perched on your middle finger, the black stone clicking off the grinder as you turned it. He’d given it to you a few days after he got out of the hospital, at first just lying on your couch with his head in your lap and playfully stacking his rings on your fingers. Most of them were too big, but the gemstone one fit, and he’d grinned so wide when he told you to keep it that you couldn’t deny him.

After a moment, Eddie started idly tugging at the dangling strings of your jean cutoffs, and his touch distracted you enough that you almost dropped the grinder and spilled everything.

“Munson.” You shot him a quick glare, and he grinned, stilling his hand but not taking it away.

“Sorry, princess,” he said. “I’ll be good.”

“I highly doubt that,” you muttered as you carefully opened the grinder, set it on the tray, and reached for the rolling papers.

“I take offense, dear Obi,” Eddie gasped, and his hand squeezed around the meat of your thigh, his thumb slipping under the hem of your shorts.

Your breathing stuttered as the papers crinkled in your hands, and you shot the dark-haired bastard another heated look.

Eddie glanced down at his hand like it wasn’t his, and then he moved it further down toward your knee and shot you another disarming smile.

“Okay, now, I’ll be good,” he said.

You shook your head but didn’t respond this time, instead focusing on the task at hand. Very slowly and very carefully, you bent one of the rolling papers into a shallow trench and then tapped some of the ground-up weed out of the grinder and into the paper. By some miracle, you didn’t spill any, and you set down the grinder and capped it before you started rolling the actual joint. Once you were satisfied by the overall size and shape, you brought the joint up to your mouth and licked the edge, your fingers nimbly rolling the paper into a cylinder and twisting off the ends.

“Ta-da.” You smirked and flourished the joint as you looked up at Eddie, but your smugness evaporated in an instant.

Eddie was staring at you with such an intent expression that you felt naked. His pupils were dilated, turning his already dark eyes into pools of black that glimmered with something you couldn’t name, and his gaze was locked onto your lips. You also realized his hand had tightened around your thigh again, and your skin broke out into goosebumps.

“Um…” Your voice cracked, your mouth suddenly dry, and you snaked your tongue out to wet your lips, Eddie tracking the movement like a predator tracks its prey. “Munson?”

His named seemed to snap him out of hit, and his eyes flicked up to yours.

“What?” he asked. His voice was raspy, rough, like he’d swallowed nails and gravel.

“I, uh…” You fought to regain your composure and suddenly remembered the joint in your hand. “I finished. And I w-will say, it looks pretty perfect. Definitely not too fat.”

Eddie stared at you for a long moment before his gaze finally drifted to the joint between your fingers, and now that his eyes weren’t boring into yours anymore, you felt like you could breathe.

“Hmm, I’ll be the judge of that, Obi,” he said as he plucked the joint from your hand, his voice back to its usual teasing cadence. He narrowed his eyes at the joint, inspecting it from every angle at great detail and making exaggerated faces. After a few moments, he clicked his tongue and looked back at you, and the hint of a smirk was tugging at his lips. “Well, I don’t know about perfect, but it’s pretty good. A solid eight out of ten.”

“Excuse me?” you scoffed, playing along. “And where did I lose two points?”

“The ends are messy,” he said with all seriousness. “And since there are two ends, you lose two points.”

“Fine, then give it back.” You reached out for the joint. “I’ll smoke it all by myself, messy ends and all.”

“Well, now, let’s not be too hasty,” Eddie laughed, leaning back and extending his arm out of your reach. Then he pressed the fingers of his opposite hand to his ear and nodded like someone else was talking to him. “Wait, what’s that? I’m hearing from the other judges that your score has been reconsidered! Perfect ten out of ten.”

“That’s what I thought.” You smirked and sat back against the mattress, picking up the lighter from your tray and tossing it into his lap. “And because I’m so nice, I’ll even let you light it up.”

“Your charity knows no bounds, Obi.” Eddie stuck the end of the joint between his lips and grinned as he picked up the lighter. “One of the things I love most about you.”

His tone and expression were joking, but there was a genuine earnestness to his eyes that made your cheeks flush.

But then he was striking the lighter, bringing the flame to the tip of the joint, and inhaling. You watched his cheeks hollow, the tendons in his neck standing out in stark relief, and the sight made the heat in your face travel down to the rest of your body.

Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.

“Shit,” Eddie exhaled a few seconds later, smoke curling from his lips and rising to the ceiling. The acrid smell hit you like a wave, and already you felt your body relaxing.

No, you needed this.

“Don’t hog it, Munson,” you muttered, nudging your elbow into his arm. “Sharing is caring.”

“And you said I needed patience,” he teased but handed the joint over.

The second it was at your lips, you inhaled slowly, holding the breath deep in your lungs until spots of color began to dance in the corners of your vision. Then you exhaled all at once, a sharp release, and your ears rang slightly as you started to cough.

“Fuckkkk.” You dropped your head back against the edge of the bed. Tears blurred your view of the ceiling, but then you blinked, and drops of warm water trailed down your cheeks.

“I know, right?” Eddie snickered, taking the joint back from you. “This shit’s way better that what I got from Rick. I didn’t know Byers was such a connoisseur.”

“Connoisseur,” you echoed and then giggled. Your head already felt a little swimmy, but that might be from the coughing and lack of oxygen. “That’s a funny word.”

“Blame the French, sweetheart,” Eddie chuckled before he took another drag.

The two of you passed the joint for a few rounds, and you felt like you could melt into the carpet. Every knot in every muscle you had unwound bit by bit, and the horrors of the Upside Down and the impending future faded until they were nothing but a distant memory.

“Hey, Obi,” Eddie murmured what felt like minutes and hours later. “Pssst, Obi.”

“Hmmm?” you hummed, lolling your head to the side to look at him.

His face was less than a foot away, so close you could count every pore and laugh line, and his brown eyes were hooded and glassy as they skipped over your face. He was holding the still-smoking joint between his middle and index finger, like he would hold a cigarette, but when he caught your gaze, he shifted his grip so he was holding it more firmly between his index finger and thumb.

“Can I try something?” he asked, and there was a glint in his gaze that you knew you should be worried about, but you felt too relaxed to worry about anything right now. “There’s this thing I’ve always wanted to try…”

“Sure,” you mumbled, and Eddie grinned before he brought the joint to his mouth and inhaled again, the cherry on the end flaring orange.

Then he held the joint out of the way and leaned forward, and dull surprise sparked through your veins when his lips met yours.

You opened up to him instinctively, inhaling sharply just from his proximity, and Eddie seized the opportunity to shotgun the hit he’d taken into your mouth. Your eyes fluttered closed as his tongue chased the smoke past your teeth, and he flicked the point of it against the roof of your mouth before he pulled away.

You held your breath for as long as you could before exhaling, and when you opened your eyes again, Eddie’s gaze was locked on your face. His eyes were black once more, his head backlit by the lamp on the bedside table behind him, and you suddenly realized what that something in his gaze had been when he’d watched you roll the joint. Because it was there again.

Lust.

Your stomach immediately bottomed out inside of you as every hair on your body stood on end.

It had been three weeks since Eddie woke up in the hospital, three weeks since the two of you confessed your feelings to each other, since he moved into your house. He even slept beside you in your bed every night. Not at first, of course. For the first two nights, he just “slept” on your living room couch while Wayne took the master bedroom. But by the third morning, you couldn’t ignore the dark bags under Eddie’s eyes any longer and so confronted him. He had eventually confessed that he hadn’t been sleeping much. Kept being woken up by nightmares and then panicking that something was in the house and running to check on you in your bedroom. You had laughed a little, then, to his confusion, and told him you’d been checking up on him, too, the pair of you seemingly missing each other like ships in the night. Hell, for all you knew, you were the ones waking each other up.

After that, Eddie moved into your bedroom for both your peace of minds, but like a gentleman, he tried to take the floor. He piled it with sheets and blankets and pillows, assuring you it was fine, but that lasted all of five minutes after the lights were dimmed.

(You never turned them out completely at night, both you and Eddie too uneasy in the dark.)

Emboldened by the shadows hiding your furious blush, you were the one who broke and asked him to just come lie in the bed with you, and after only a few beats, Eddie had slowly and quietly climbed up onto the mattress. He’d been stiff, stretched out beside you on his back, and in an effort to help him relax, you’d rolled on your side to face him, tentatively placing your hand on his chest to show him it was okay. He’d immediately subsided into the sheets, sighing, and turned his head to brush a kiss against your brow. And the two of you slept that night with no nightmares, for either of you.

Since then, you’d slept every night in the same bed as him, and more and more lately, you woke up with him wrapped around you, his front to your back, holding you tightly against his body.

But it had never been sexual. (Well, you had woken up a few times with his morning wood pressed against your back, but that didn’t count, that was just an…unconscious physiological response, and you always pretended to be asleep until he rolled out of bed to go to the bathroom.)

Either way, nothing had happened between you two except for a few heavy makeout sessions, and those never happened in your bedroom. The living room, the kitchen, the hallway, but never the bedroom. And whenever things got too heated, Eddie was always the first to pull away, to press one last kiss to your brow and step back, changing the subject to something innocuous.

You knew it had been because the two of you were so injured at first. You’d only ditched the sling a few days ago, and your arm was still sore, needing to be exercised every morning and night. Eddie had also recently received the all-clear from the doctors, and you wondered if he’d just been waiting to make sure neither of you got hurt.

The look in his eyes was definitely not hesitant now, and you felt your core throb in response.

A thousand thoughts tumbled through your brain like rocks in a dryer, a very slow dryer, because everything felt slow and languid around you, like it always did when you got high. Your skin was lightly buzzing, but your tongue was heavy in your mouth, and Eddie’s hungry gaze continued to pin you to the spot like a butterfly pinned beneath glass.

“Do you…” The words fell from your mouth unbidden, slow like molasses, but nervousness suddenly traced its hand down your spine, making you shiver.

“Do I… what?” Eddie murmured after a moment of silence. His voice was lower than usual, made rougher by the smoke, and you suddenly remembered the joint in his hand.

For courage, you leaned forward and plucked the remnants of the joint from between his fingers. There was maybe one good hit left, so you took it, the embers burning your fingertips as the smoke swirled into your mouth before you held it there. Then, as Eddie’s black eyes swallowed you whole, you bridged the distance between your lips and his. He opened dutifully beneath you, inhaling as you exhaled, and one of his hands came up and cradled your jaw, long fingers framing your face.

Once your lungs were emptied, you pulled back a fraction, and since you were feeling a little more brave, you trapped his lower lip between your teeth and tugged. You let him go just as quickly, but Eddie’s fingers had burrowed into your hair now, holding you in place.

Your eyes fluttered open— when had you closed them?— and you could see a tiny version of yourself reflected in Eddie’s wide pupils. Then he exhaled sharply, a curtain of smoke rising between your faces, and you were just about to pull further back when he lunged forward and smashed his mouth against yours.

His sudden ferocity startled a gasp out of you, and Eddie cupped your face more soundly as he leaned forward, his tongue delving past your lips and pulling up a moan from deep within your chest.

You had just enough sense left to drop the ashes of the joint on your tray before you were tangling both hands in Eddie’s hair and kissing him back with equal intensity. The rings on his left hand felt cold against your temple, your cheek, but everywhere else you felt hot, so hot. His mouth was like a furnace, a fiery brand, tasting of ash and smoke.

You were both gasping for breath every time your lips parted, but then one of you would dive back in for more, teeth and tongues clashing. When his left hand trailed from your cheek down to your neck, you thought you were going to combust, and then his other hand tiptoed up your thigh, and you knew you were going to burst into flame.

The apex of your thighs throbbed again when his fingers brushed the hem of your shorts, and you whimpered before you ripped your mouth away, gasping for breath and dropping your hands from his hair.

“Come back here,” Eddie muttered as he chased after you, but then he suddenly hissed and froze.

The pained note in his voice abruptly cleared some of the fog from your mind, and you blinked as your gaze zeroed in on him.

“Are—” God, your voice sounded wrecked. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Eddie nodded, but his eyes were tightly closed as he faced forward and leaned back against the bed again. “Just… twisted a little too far.”

His right hand ghosted over his side, and you chewed on your swollen lower lip.

“Sorry,” you murmured, guilt stabbing through you. He was still healing, and here you were being a horny mess.

Eddie opened the eye closest to you, and then, when he saw your expression, he opened the other and turned his head to face you.

“Nothing you should be apologizing for, princess,” he said, and his smile turned a little sheepish before he continued. “That was… so fuckin’ hot.”

His voice took on that gravelly quality again, and you could feel slickness pool in your panties.

“Yeah,” you breathed, the filter between your mind and mouth nonexistent, shrouded by smoke and the buzzing feeling in your veins. “It was.”

Hunger flashed in Eddie’s gaze again, and he reached his arm out to you.

“Come here,” he muttered, flexing his fingers in a grabby motion.

“I’m sitting right next to you,” you said, but you didn’t fight it when his fingers gently latched onto your wrist.

“Not close enough.” Eddie pouted at you, tugging your arm.

You were half turned anyway, so you kneeled and shifted to fully face him, shuffling forward until your knees were pressed to the outside of his thigh.

“Closerrrrr,” he hummed and tugged at you again.

You realized he wanted you to straddle his lap, and a wave of heat washed over you from head to toe.

“I-I don’t want to hurt you again,” you tried to argue.

“You didn’t hurt me in the first place, Obi,” he said with a lopsided smile, the one that always tore down all of your defenses. “I just turned in a weird way. Buttttt, if you’re sitting right in front of me…”

He yanked at your arm a third time, and to keep from falling over, you clumsily slung a leg over his lap. Once you regained your balance, you hovered over him with your knees digging into the carpet on either side of his thighs, and he grinned up at you.

“Now I don’t have to turn at all,” Eddie finished, sounding proud of himself, but it was hard to be angry at him when his hands were settling on your hips, thumbs rubbing at the jut of your hip bones through your shorts.

“That’s… good,” you said. The slow-firing synapses in your brain were unable to come up with anything else.

“Doing okay there, sweetheart?” he asked as he smiled up at you. His thumbs were still stroking your hips, slowly driving you insane.

Your mouth was so dry, but you swallowed as best you could and nodded.

“Yeah,” you murmured, but then you wobbled on your knees and had to put your hands on his shoulders for balance.

“You sure?” Eddie chuckled before he tugged on your hips. “Why don’t you sit back a bit, Ms. Weeble-Wobble.”

You slowly sat back on his thighs, careful to not crush his legs, and Eddie smiled when you were at eye level.

“Hi,” he said, leaning forward to press a quick kiss to the tip of your nose.

“Hi,” you giggled back, and then giggled again as you settled more comfortably on his thighs. “Shit, this stuff is good. I feel like I could float away.”

“Yeah, we’re definitely moving to California,” Eddie snickered and squeezed his hands over your hips. “And don’t worry. I’ll keep you anchored, princess.”

“You always do,” you sighed, and something flashed in the dark depths of his bloodshot eyes, but it was gone just as fast, fleeting and mercurial.

“What were you going to ask me before?”

“Huh?” You blinked to focus on his face a little better, and Eddie was staring at you intently.

“You started to ask me something before you took that last hit,” he clarified. “You said, ‘Do you…?’”

You frowned as you tried to remember, wading through smoke and the memories of his mouth hot against yours. Then you suddenly recalled why you’d taken that last hit in the first place, and your face burned with embarrassment.

“I don’t remember… it was nothing,” you said, squirming in his lap and then stopping when the movement pressed the seam of your shorts into your clit.

Fuck, when did you get so wet?

“Well, that’s not contradictory,” Eddie teased. “Which is it, Obi? You don’t remember, or it was nothing?”

“It was stupid,” you amended and refused to meet his eyes, staring instead at a spot on the bed above his shoulder.

“I highly doubt that,” he scoffed, but when you stayed silent, he reached out, gently took your chin between his thumb and index finger, and turned you to face him. He was still smiling gently, but his eyes were serious. “Nothing you say or do could ever be stupid.”

The sincerity in his face and voice made you blush even deeper, and you wished he would just drop it, but Eddie Munson was like a dog with a bone when he wanted something, and he stared at you patiently as he waited for you to respond.

“Fine, it’s… embarrassing,” you huffed, and you shifted your hands on his shoulders so you could fiddle with his curls.

“Now we’re getting somewhere.” Eddie smirked and turned to playfully nip at your fingers. “Come on, tell me.”

You stubbornly shook your head, pressing your lips together, and Eddie narrowed his eyes. After a moment, a familiar glimmer of mischief flashed across his face, and one of his hands abandoned your hips to cup your cheek.

Then he leaned forward until his lips were just a hair’s breadth away from yours, but he paused before kissing you.

“Not even if I say pretty please?” he whispered as he tossed your earlier words back at you, warm breath fanning across your lips.

His proximity, the warmth of his hands on your cheek and hip, and the high still buzzing through your body, it all overwhelmed your senses, short circuited your brain, and your mouth opened of its own accord.

“Do you want to have sex with me?” you blurted out.

Your words echoed in the deafening silence that followed, and Eddie’s eyes widened in surprise, his teasing expression going slack.

You were so embarrassed, you were sure your blood was going to start boiling.

“W-Wait, no, that’s not what I— that was stupid, oh my god, forget I said that… like that,” you rambled. Your tongue felt clumsy and alien in your mouth, and at this point you wanted to bite it off. Instead, you slammed your eyes closed and tried to pull away. “Never mind, I’ll just—”

“Woah, hey, now,” Eddie said, clamping his hands around your waist and keeping you seated on his thighs. “Where’s the fire? Come on, Obi, it’s okay. We all say things we don’t mean when we’re high.”

You peeked open your eyes to see him smiling at you reassuringly, and he was just so beautiful, so kind, that you couldn’t stop yourself from digging your hole even deeper.

“I… did mean it,” you murmured, and again your words seemed to surprise Eddie, his fingers flexing around your waist. You thought you saw his pupils dilate even further, and that gave you the courage to go on. “I-I mean, I know I’m high, but tonight isn’t the first time I’ve… thought about this. It was bad enough when we were just friends and I thought I didn’t have a shot with you, but ever since that first time you kissed me in the hospital, I’ve been… And I know we’ve both been healing, and the world is set to end at any moment, but I just… I want you, Eddie.”

You were panting for breath by the end of your little spiel, and you bit your lip as you searched his face for a reaction. You hadn’t been very eloquent, but you hoped he understood what you were trying to say.

Eddie’s pupils were definitely blown now, swallowing his irises into inky pools that contrasted with his reddened sclera. He exhaled shakily and licked his lips, his Adam’s apple bobbing as his throat clicked with a swallow, and you thought you could feel his fingers tremble where they were still resting on your waist.

“Are—” Eddie started, stopped, cleared his throat. Then his gaze met yours, and you were surprised to see the uncertainty there. “Are you sure, Obi? B-Because I don’t want you to feel like you have to. I’m perfectly fine with taking things slow, just kissing you— god, just kissing you is already enough to drive me fucking insane. So we don’t have to rush. I don’t… I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret. I don’t want to hurt you. Never want to hurt you.”

That last sentence was murmured softly, Eddie’s face twisting, and your heart twisted along with it. This man. This ridiculous, noble, gentle, kind man. You loved him with your entire being.

“You could never hurt me, Eddie Munson,” you said, leaning forward to brush your lips against his. The kiss was soft, barely there, and you didn’t seek to deepen it. Instead, you pulled back and moved one of your hands to his cheek, stubble scraping across your palm as your pressed your forehead to his and stared into his eyes. “And if you want to wait, that’s okay with me. Because I agree, kissing you is pretty awesome.”

Eddie cracked a smile, some of the tension bleeding out of his shoulders.

“But,” you continued, your voice dropping low, and Eddie fingers tightened around your waist in response. “Just so you know, I could never regret anything I do with you. How could I regret something I’ve been dreaming about for almost an entire year?”

Eddie sucked in a breath and held it, and under your palm, you felt the muscles of his jaw flex as he ground his teeth together. He studied your face for a long, endless moment before he suddenly jerked his hips up. His belt buckle just barely brushed your clit through your shorts, but it was enough to tear a gasp from you, pleasure zapping through every nerve in your body, and Eddie snapped.

One of his hands left your waist to grab the back of your head, and then he was tugging you forward, crashing your mouth against his.

“Fuck, okay, yes, god, yes,” he gasped between kisses, and his hands were everywhere, in your hair, dragging down your spine, grabbing your ass to pull you against him.

“I… take it… you don’t want to… wait?” you couldn’t help but tease in the brief moments he released your lips.

“You’re not the only one who’s been dreaming of this, sweetheart,” he muttered as his mouth left yours, trailing across your jaw and down your neck. He pressed a kiss over your pulse point, and your breathing stuttered.

“Then maybe we should turn those dreams… into reality?” you suggested and tilted your head back to give him more access. The fact that he wanted you just as much as you wanted him made you bold, and you ground down into his lap to further emphasize your point.

“Shit,” Eddie hissed, and then his mouth was on yours again, hungry and insistent. His tongue traced over every one of your teeth before he pulled back and nipped at your lip, his voice coming out in a desperate gasp. “J-Just tell me what to do, Obi. Fuck, I’ll do anything, anything you want, just tell me.”

It could have just been dirty talk, but you thought you detected a strange note of uncertainty to his words, and the fire building in your gut cooled a degree as you pulled back and looked into Eddie’s face. His eyes were glassy and full of lust, but you saw insecurity there, too, and a question jumped to the forefront of your mind and off your tongue before you could stop it.

“Have you… done this before?” you asked.

Eddie winced slightly, more of that insecurity blooming on his face, and you felt him start to fiddle with his rings against your right hip.

“Well, um, technically, no, b-but I know the general gist. Talk floats around the boy’s locker room, ya know, and all those magazines under my bed certainly painted a picture— shit, fuck, forget I said that. What I’m trying to say is all of my knowledge is, uh, theoretical, not practical. Not a lot of girls lining up to sleep with the trailer trash freak who sells drugs and worships Satan and… wow, I’m really selling myself here, huh? So sexy. Shit.”

Groaning, Eddie clenched his eyes shut and dropped his head back, but you chased after him, rising up on your knees a little to lean into his chest.

“Hey,” you muttered, and when he wouldn’t look at you, you reached out with both hands to cup his face. “Hey, Munson.”

Reluctantly, he tilted his head up and opened his eyes, and you smiled.

“Hi there,” you giggled, pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose like he had done to you earlier.

“Hi,” he grumbled back, but he let you brush his bangs out of his face and met your gaze.

“For the record,” you said as you ran your thumbs over his stubbled cheeks, and you couldn’t help but dip down and press a quick kiss to his parted lips. “I still think you’re very sexy.”

“Uh-huh,” Eddie muttered, sounding unconvinced.

“I’m serious.” You met his eyes again before your own started to trail over the features of his face. “Sexy. Handsome. Pretty. Beautiful. I think of at least one of these words every time I look at you. Your eyes always make me feel like my lungs forgot how to work, and every time you smile, especially if it’s directed at me, the world stops for just an instant. And don’t even get me started on the tattoos and jewelry. Chicks dig that stuff, you know?”

You ended on a partial joke because Eddie had started to squirm under your praise, but then he looked up at you, shifted one of your hands off his cheek, and pressed a kiss to your palm. He looked less uncomfortable now, less insecure, but his smile was still tentative.

“So… I haven’t ruined my chances, then?” he asked, and seeing the lust spark back to life in his eyes made you clench your thighs together.

“Definitely not,” you muttered as you hovered over him, your lips slowly descending toward his again.

“And you’re sure it doesn’t… bother you? That I haven’t… you know?”

“Not at all,” you breathed. You were less than a centimeter away from kissing him, but a sudden thought popped into your head, and you felt it only fair to voice it. “Does it bother you that I have?”

“No.” Eddie’s response was instantaneous, full of sincerity, and you couldn’t wait any longer. You dove down and slanted your mouth over his, and Eddie groaned against you, his fingers digging into your waist. All of his hesitation was gone now, and his hands burned a path down your back to cup your ass. You whimpered into the kiss, and your noise seemed to spur him on, because the next thing you knew, he was shifting his feet behind you and pushing upright.

“Eddie!” you gasped as you tore your mouth from his. “Be careful!”

“I got you, sweetheart, don’t worry,” he chuckled once he was fully on his feet, his hands tucked under your thighs that were wrapped around his waist.

“I’m more worried about you hurting yourself.” You frowned. You weren’t exactly thin, not like Nancy and Robin. “Put me down.”

“As the lady requests.” Eddie smirked and then turned, throwing you down on the bed beside his guitar, which he immediately moved out of the way and onto the floor. He was grinning when he looked back at you, but he seemed to freeze at the sight of you sprawled across the mattress.

You were wearing jean cutoffs, his old Metallica shirt that Dustin saved from the trailer, and a worn red flannel on top. It was a casual outfit, not even especially cute, but Eddie was staring down at you like you were wearing the sexiest set of lingerie.

“Fuck, Obi,” he breathed as his eyes pinned you to the mattress, and you squirmed under his scrutiny.

“Well, are you just going to stand there and stare at me, Munson?” you asked, cheeks flushing.

“Hell no,” he said, and then he was climbing onto the bed, hovering over you on his forearms and claiming your lips once again. He wore a new guitar pick necklace, the pick having fallen out of his copy of The Hobbit the other night. At some point, he’d apparently forgotten he was using it as a bookmark, but now it was hanging on a loose silver chain, brushing your jaw and neck as it dangled from his throat.

The two of you made out for a minute, but then Eddie started pressing kisses down your neck. When he reached your collarbones, he paused to dip his tongue into the hollow between them, and you moaned as you arched your back. The weed high was still making everything feel tingly and cranked up to eleven, and you could already feel that your panties were sticking to you beneath your shorts.

“Eddie, please,” you gasped as you buried a hand into his mane of curls.

“What do you want, Obi?” he muttered against the base of your throat, licking the skin there again.

“You.” Squirming, you arched up into him again, brain fuzzy with pleasure. “I-I want you. Want you to touch me.”

“Shit, sweetheart,” Eddie groaned before he lifted his head to seize your lips in another kiss. “Where? Where do you want me to touch you?”

“Everywhere,” you whined, reaching for the hem of your own shirt. It suddenly felt stifling in your bedroom, and you could feel sweat bead along your brow.

Eddie let out a litany of curses, but he helped to slip the shirt off over your head, and then you reached behind yourself and undid the clasp of your bra with a flick, too impatient to wait.

As you tossed the bra away and fell back onto the bed again, you saw that Eddie’s wide eyes were glued to your breasts, and his mouth hung open like the hinge of his jaw had broken.

“Oh, f-fuck, you’re so gorgeous, Obi, god, I want to put my mouth on them.” His dark gaze flicked to yours, begging. “Can I? Please?”

You wanted to tease him, but the earnest way he asked your permission made your pussy clench around nothing, and all you could do was nod your head.

Eddie wasted no time, diving down and immediately dragging his tongue over one of your nipples. The shock of his wet, hot mouth made you gasp, then whine as he closed his lips around you and sucked.

“O-Oh, shit,” you moaned when he reached up and tweaked your other nipple with his nimble fingers.

“Feel good?” he mumbled, words muffled by your flesh.

“So good,” you breathed and then cried out when he ran his teeth across your nipple. “F-Fuck! Don’t stop, don’t…”

You trailed off into another moan as Eddie flicked the nipple he wasn’t sucking on, the nub pebbling between his fingers.

“Goddamn, you make the prettiest noises, princess,” the metalhead muttered between your breasts, switching from one to the other. “Better than I ever dreamed of. And I’ve dreamed about sucking your titties a lot.”

The vulgar confession made more slick pool in your panties, and you whimpered as you reached an arm down, wiggling it between the two of you until you found the button of your jeans. But you couldn’t open it from this angle, and you groaned in frustration.

“Please, Eddie,” you begged, using your other hand to tug at his hair until he released your nipple with a slick ‘pop.’

“What?” he asked as he looked up at you, and his eyes were glassy with pleasure. You could also feel where he was hard against your thigh, and you pressed up into his bulge, making him stutter out a moan.

“Pants,” you gasped, reaching for the button of your shorts again. “Help me… help me get them off.”

“Shit,” Eddie exhaled with wide eyes as he watched you lift your hips, and then he was fumbling into motion. “Yeah, here let me just…”

With his help, you were able to push your cutoffs down your thighs and kick them away, but he stopped you when you reached for your panties.

“Eddieeee,” you whined, but he clasped your wrist firmly and pressed your hand into the bed beside your hip.

“Slow downnnn, Obi,” he said, that familiar teasing lilt in his voice, and he flashed a lopsided smile as he started to crawl down the length of you. “There are some things I want to savor.”

“Sadist,” you pouted, and Eddie opened his mouth like he was going to retort, but then his eyes zeroed in on the apex of your thighs.

“Fuckkkkk,” he breathed as he lied down on his stomach, legs dangling off the bed and his gaze glued to your pussy. “You’re so… wet. Did I do this to you?”

The awed disbelief in his voice made you moan, and you tried to clench your thighs together, but Eddie grabbed them, fingers digging into your skin.

“No, don’t hide,” his said, voice breathless. “I— fuck, I want to—”

He broke off suddenly and then just darted forward, licking a hot stripe up your slit that you felt even through the soaked fabric of your panties.

“Oh!” you gasped, the syllable cracking in the middle, and your hips bucked toward his face.

Eddie pulled back as he licked his lips, and then his wide eyes flicked from your pussy, to your face, and back again.

“S-Shit, you’re right,” he rasped out, and his fingers started clawing at your hips, tugging your panties down your thighs. “These have to go, gotta get out of the way, f-fuck.”

You giggled a little at his frantic fumbling and the way he threw your underwear over his shoulder, but then his hands were sliding up your thighs again, prying them apart, and the laughter hitched in your lungs when his eyes zeroed in on where you were wet and trembling.

“Je-Jesus Christ.” Eddie swallowed sharply as he lowered himself onto his stomach again, his gaze still locked on your pussy. “I— Jesus H. Christ. God, you look so pretty, so… Fuck, can I taste you, Obi? Please?”

Your whole body flushed, from the tips of your ears to your toes, and you squirmed beneath him.

“Y-You don’t have to,” you muttered. Despite not being a virgin yourself, you’d actually only slept with one other person, and he never did that to you. In fact, the whole “losing you virginity” thing took less than five minutes and was ultimately pretty unsatisfying.

“Oh, I want to, baby,” Eddie corrected as his eyes finally clicked to yours, dark with hunger. “Holy shit, do I want to.”

The last remnants of saliva in your mouth dried up, but you felt more wetness trickle out between your legs.

“O-Okay.” Your voice shook as you nodded, and Eddie grinned like you told him he won the lottery.

Fuck, he was going to destroy you.

Eddie wiggled a little to get more comfortable, but after a moment, he ended up just kneeling on the floor at the foot of the bed, tugging you down until your butt met the edge of the mattress.

You gasped as he parted your thighs to make room for his broad shoulders, and he smiled as he trailed kisses up each of your legs before he pushed them back so your feet dangled near his ears.

In this position, you felt vulnerable, all of you laid out and laid bare, but the absolute adoration and lust in Eddie’s eyes chased away any of your lingering insecurities.

“Damn, I wish I had a camera,” he muttered as his gaze dragged over you, hot enough to burn. “You look… so fucking incredible.”

“Eddie, stop teasing me,” you huffed, reaching out to twine your fingers through his curls. “Please.”

“Well, since you asked so nicely, pretty girl.” He smirked, but then his cocky expression grew a little hesitant. “I-I’ll probably fuck it up at first, but just tell me what feels good. I want to make you feel good.”

You nodded frantically, but all your words were lost when Eddie leaned forward, his breath fanning over your slick folds. His fingers dug into the meat of your thighs as he anchored himself, the rings on his left hand cold against your overheated skin. Then the flat of his tongue dragged across your pussy, and your vision whited out.

“F-Fuck!” You tossed your head back as pleasure zapped through you, and you unintentionally tugged on Eddie’s hair, pulling him further between your thighs.

“Oh, god,” Eddie whimpered, and then he was suddenly licking you with fervor, delving between your folds until his nose bumped into your clit. Even that slight stimulation to your bundle of nerves had you jolting, and Eddie noticed, shifting his mouth upward, tongue swirling in circles that made you see stars.

“Eddieeee,” you keened to the ceiling when he sucked your clit between his lips, and he immediately popped his head up so you could just see his wide eyes and slick mouth over the curve of your belly.

“Holy shit, you taste so fucking good, Obi,” he said, voice guttural. “Am I— does it feel good, too?”

“Y-Yes, fuck, Eddie, feels incredible,” you panted as you tugged at his hair. “Please don’t stop.”

Eddie stared at your flushed and writhing body for a moment before he was diving back between your legs, tongue and lips everywhere. He was a little sloppy, saliva mixing with your arousal and making everything slick, but his eagerness made up for it. He was also very attuned to your every sound and twitch, so when he dipped his tongue into your entrance, and your moans rose in pitch, he started swirling the tip of his tongue around your hole until you were practically sobbing. Then he fucked his tongue into you as far as it could go, his nose pressed firmly to your clit, and your eyes rolled into the back of your head.

You didn’t know if it was the weed still singing through your veins or if it was just Eddie, but your orgasm crept up on you without warning. One moment, Eddie was pressing a sucking kiss to your clit before fucking his tongue back into you, groaning at the taste, and in the next instant, your spine was arching off the bed as every muscle in your body locked up.

“Shit, I’m-- ohhhhhh!” you wailed as Eddie rapidly thrust his tongue into you, shaking his head at the same time so his nose flicked back and forth over your clit.

It felt like you shattered into a million pieces, lights and colors exploding behind your tightly shut eyelids. You could distantly feel your legs spasming and clamping around Eddie’s head, but he was still moaning as he tongue-fucked you through your climax. You whimpered and clawed at his hair, feeling like every nerve in your body was an exposed live-wire, chanting his name until you ran out of breath.

Once your whines took on a slightly pained quality, Eddie pulled his mouth away, and it was like you were a puppet whose strings got cut, because you immediately slumped into the bed.

Air sawed in and out of your lungs as you gasped for breath, and you stared blindly at the spinning ceiling while you slowly descended back into your body. Your limbs felt like they were filled with static, but you mustered up enough energy to lift you head and look down toward the foot of the bed.

Eddie was still kneeling on the floor between your legs, and you felt your walls flutter around nothing at the glimmer of your juices smeared across his chin. His breathing was as ragged as your own, and his hair was wild, mussed by your fingers. When he caught your eye, he exhaled sharply and half-heartedly dragged the back of his wrist against his chin, his chain bracelet glinting in the light of your lamp.

“Jesus Christ, Obi,” he grunted out, and his black eyes threatened to swallow you whole. “That was… fuck, that was so goddamn hot. I could feel you fluttering around my tongue. Shit.”

He reached down with his right hand, and though the edge of the bed hid it from view, you knew he was palming his cock through his jeans. His obvious arousal made you throb again, and you bit your lip.

“I’ve… I’ve never cum that fast,” you confessed, and your cheeks still flushed with embarrassment even though the man in front of you had been tongue deep in your pussy just seconds ago.

Eddie groaned at your admission, and then both of his hands were latching onto your inner thighs again, thumbs smearing saliva and slick into your skin.

“Do you— can you do it again?” he asked, his dilated eyes flicking from your folds to your face. “I want to see you do it again. Wanna see you cum, pretty girl.”

His pet names made more slick drip out of you, made your thoughts fizz out into static for a moment, but then you frowned and propped yourself up on your elbows.

“What about you?” From this angle, you could see his lower half, and his cock was straining against his tight black jeans. It looked like it hurt. “I want to make you feel good, too. Can I put my mouth on you instead?”

Another groan rattled deep in Eddie’s chest, and he had to reach down again to press the heel of his palm into his crotch.

“Christ, that’s fucking tempting,” he panted, but then his eyes drifted back to your pussy, and they got that hungry glint in them as he leaned down and darted his tongue between your folds.

You cried out as your elbows buckled, your spine falling back to the mattress.

“But you just taste too goddamn good, baby,” he muttered against your clit. “Wanna make you feel good again. Want you to fall apart on my tongue, my fingers.”

You whined as he started licking at you once more, and soon you could feel the coil in your gut tightening bit by bit. This time, Eddie focused his mouth around your clitoris, alternating between flicking it with his tongue and sucking it between his lips, and when your legs started twitching around his ears, he snaked a hand down your belly and pressed a finger to your entrance.

You immediately shoved your hips down, sucking his finger in to the knuckle, and the two of you moaned in unison, the sound rattling through your bones.

“O-Oh, fuck,” Eddie hissed as his twisted his finger inside you, pressing against the walls of your pussy. “Fuck, Obi, you’re so wet and goddamn tight. Holy shit.”

“Eddie,” you whimpered, clenching around him. His finger was thicker than any of yours were, but it was still not enough, so you bore down, tears gathering along your lashes as you begged. “M-More. Please, Eddie. Y-Your finger f-feels so good— fuck! So good. I need another one, please.”

You were practically sobbing now, humping into his hand, and Eddie leaned down to pepper kisses over your inner thighs.

“Shhh, shh, it’s okay,” he soothed, and you felt the tip of a second finger prod at your entrance. “It’s okay, baby, I got you, give you everything you want. Anything you want. Here you go… shit, you gotta relax sweetheart, let me in.”

You whined but listened as best as you could, and a moment later, he slotted both fingers home inside of you, drawing a shout from deep within your chest. Your pussy immediately clamped down around both digits, but Eddie twisted and spread them inside you, stretching your walls, until he brushed up against that one spongy spot that caused you to wail.

“Fuck, is that it, baby? Is that the spot?” he grunted, pressing more insistently on it.

You couldn’t respond because your toes were starting to curl, your moans rising in pitch, but apparently that was all the response Eddie needed because he suddenly started thrusting his fingers, hard. They nailed your G-spot with pinpoint accuracy, squelching through your wetness, and then you felt his thumb brush over your clit.

“Cum for me, Obi,” he said as he pressed on your pleasure zones from both the inside and outside. “Cum on my fingers. Want to see it so bad, baby, please.”

The coil in your gut spun tighter and tighter, but it finally exploded when Eddie leaned down and sank his teeth into the flesh of your inner thigh.

Your mouth dropped open in a silent scream, and you felt yourself levitate off the bed as your second climax crashed into you like a tsunami wave. The weed in your system amplified the sensations once again, sending your mind into the stratosphere and your limbs spasming like you were being electrocuted. Then there was a gush of wetness between your thighs, and Eddie’s guttural groan echoed through your bones.

The world blacked out around you for a moment, and when you came to, you were sprawled limp on the bed. Your chest heaved as your lungs fought for oxygen, but the sensation of a wet tongue dragging across your thigh caused you to jerk.

You blearily glanced down at Eddie, and a gasp whistled between your teeth at what you saw.

His curly head was propped against your thigh, which he was still kitten licking, but what shocked you were the droplets dripping off his cheeks, jaw, and bangs. Then you shifted, and you realized you were lying in a very wet spot.

“F-Fuck!” You propped yourself up on shaking elbows, disbelief burning through you. “Did I…”

You trailed off, unable to complete the sentence, and Eddie’s eyes finally met yours. They looked like twin oceans of oil that were threatening to suck you under.

“Squirt?” he finished your hanging question, and his tongue flicked out to lick a drop of your juices off his chin. “Fuck yeah you did. Hottest thing I’ve ever goddamn seen.”

“Shittttt, I’m sorry,” you groaned and covered your face with both hands, falling back onto the bed as shame spiraled through you. “I-I forgot that smoking sometimes makes me do… that.”

It had happened twice, both times after you left Eddie’s trailer high and had to come home to satiate the burning ache between your legs. It had been embarrassing then— when you were alone, and no one saw you shamefully wash your sheets in the middle of the might— but it was mortifying now.

Eddie was silent for a moment, but then you felt him shift, the bed dipping as he climbed up onto his feet and hovered over you.

“Did you miss the part where I said that was the hottest goddamn thing I’ve seen in my life?” he asked, and when you wouldn’t reply, he used one of his hands to pry yours from your face. His fingers were tacky against your skin, and you flushed when you realized it was from your orgasm.

“R-Really?” you asked tentatively, finding his eyes, and the lust in his brown gaze almost set you aflame.

In response, Eddie lowered his hips, rolling them against your own until his erection pressed into the crease of your thigh. He was hard as steel, and since he was still somehow fully clothed, his belt buckle and jeans scraped over your sensitive skin deliciously.

A whimper caught in the back of your throat, and Eddie dove down to seize your lips. You groaned at the tangy taste of yourself, and he rolled his hips into your thigh again.

“What do you think?” Eddie asked against your lips, the question half growl, and even though you’d already cum twice, desire ignited in your belly again.

“I think you’re wearing too many clothes,” you muttered as you reached down to grab the hem of his hoodie, but the instant you brushed fabric, his fingers latched onto your wrist, his grip tight and unyielding.

You thought he was teasing you again, but when you looked up at his face, the lust that had been there was suddenly gone, replaced by an uneasy fear.

His expression immediately made you still.

“Eddie?” you asked and shifted your head to meet his gaze more directly under the shadow of his bangs. “Are you… okay?”

“Y-Yeah.” He smiled shakily and cleared his throat before he turned the wattage up on the smile, but it still looked forced. You stared at him patiently for about ten seconds, and when Eddie saw he hadn’t convinced you, he sighed and averted his eyes. “It’s just, uhh, can I keep my shirt o-on?”

The question hung between the two of you for a moment, and Eddie seemed to hunch more into the curtain of his hair.

“If that’s what you’re comfortable with, of course,” you said as you frowned at him, frown deepening when he seemed to sigh in relief. “But… can I ask why?”

His sudden change in demeanor concerned you, and you could feel your desire fading, taking a back seat as you hesitantly reached out and cupped his face. Eddie ground his jaw beneath your palm, but when he finally met your eyes, his expression fractured.

“It’s just—” he started, stopped, took a deep breath. Closing his eyes, he turned his head and nuzzled into your palm. “I… don’t exactly look pretty from the neck down anymore. Damn bats really ruined my bikini body, ya know? And I just didn’t want my s-scars to ruin the mood, but hey, would you look at that, I did it all by myself, huh?”

He laughed in a dry, self-deprecating manner, but you immediately tilted his head up.

“Eddie, look at me, open your eyes,” you said firmly, and after a moment of hesitation, he obeyed. His deep brown eyes looked so lost now, so uncertain and scared, it broke your goddamn heart. “Eddie Munson, I want you to listen to me, and listen good. First off, you didn’t ruin anything. Secondly, and more importantly, you are the most gorgeous man I’ve ever met—”

He opened his mouth, probably intent to argue, but you narrowed your eyes at him, and his lips pursed shut.

“You are the most gorgeous man I’ve ever met,” you repeated as you held his gaze. “Both inside and out. And I know for a fact that will not change no matter what’s under your shirt. I-I love you, Eddie. Did you forget that?”

“No,” he murmured, voice strained.

“Good,” you said. “Because I do. Munson, I love you so much it drives me insane. Literally insane. Insane enough that I dove head first into a hellish dimension and took on an army of bats with a lighter, a can of hairspray, and a busted shoulder.”

Eddie cracked a smile at that, his eyes going soft as melted chocolate. “My warrior princess.”

“Damn straight,” you huffed before you grew serious again. “But I love you, Eddie. Love the way you are so passionate about everything, be it DnD or learning a new song on the guitar. I love the way you’re always looking to make someone smile, someone laugh, or feel included. And I love how fiercely loyal you are, even to the point of stupidity. So nothing about you could ever be ugly. Especially not your scars. Because those scars mean y-you’re still with me, still alive. I’m, fuck, I’m so goddamn grateful for those scars, Munson.”

Your voice grew rough with tears, the backs of your eyes burning, and Eddie’s face twisted.

“Fuck, Obi, no, don’t cry. Come here.” He quickly gathered your naked body up in his arms, and then he half-carried, half-dragged you up the bed until you were both settled against the headboard. “Shhhh. I’m sorry. Shit, I’m such an idiot.”

“No, no, you’re not,” you argued, rubbing your face into his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around you. He sighed into your hair, the sound tortured, and you knew you needed to lighten the mood. “Well, maybe a little. Sometimes. But not right now.”

“Ah, so the truth comes out.”

You snorted as you wiped your eyes against his hoodie and lifted your head off his shoulder, and Eddie immediately brushed back the hair hanging in your face. The two of you were settled on your sides—you, on your right, and him on his left— and his other hand, the one not in your hair, was wrapped around your back. His fingers trailed over your spine, spreading shivers, and you flushed a little when you remembered you were naked. You were naked, thighs still tacky with your release, and one of your legs was slotted between his.

“Sorry, again,” Eddie murmured as his eyes roamed over your face. “For, you know, ruining the mood and making you cry.”

You shook your head before you leaned up, pressing your lips chastely to his.

“Stop apologizing,” you said. “If anyone ruined the mood, it was me, the crybaby.”

Eddie smirked, his thumb brushing against your lower lip. “A very cute crybaby.”

You nipped at his thumb in retaliation, but when you felt his breath hitch, you flicked your thumb across the pad before drawing the whole digit into your mouth. Eddie stopped breathing completely then, and his eyes darkened as they stared intently at where your lips were wrapped around his thumb.

You sucked in briefly, hollowing your cheeks, and something twitched against your thigh from where it was wedged between his.

“Shit, Obi—” Eddie started, then hissed when you rocked your thigh into his crotch.

“I still haven’t made you feel good,” you whispered once you released his thumb with a pop. “Can I, Eddie? Please?”

“Fuck, how am I supposed to say no to that?” he groaned before he captured your mouth with his. When he pulled away, he was breathing hard, muttering against your lips as he rocked against your thigh. “Asking so sweetly, almost as sweet as you taste. Fuck, I love you, Obi. You know that, right? Tell me you know that.”

“I know, I know, love you, too,” you gasped and pressed your naked body against him, losing yourself in his kisses for a moment before you pulled away. He chased after you with a whine, but you placed your hand on his chest and pressed him back into the pillows propped up against the headboard. “But let me take care of you this time, baby.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said and then exhaled shakily as you carefully straddled his lap. “F-Fucking-- Christ, you’re so beautiful, Obi.”

“Mmmm, you, too,” you hummed and pecked a quick kiss against his lips. Then you leaned back a little, met his eyes, and took the hem of his hoodie between your fingers. “Let me see you?”

Eddie bit his lip and looked a little hesitant, but after a moment, he nodded.

You smiled and gave him another kiss. “Thank you.”

Even though he’d given you consent, you still took it slow as you worked the hoodie up over his chest and tossed it to the side. Eddie flicked his hair out of his eyes as his hands settled tentatively on your waist, and you ducked to press your lips against the tip of his nose.

“Hi, there, handsome,” you said, reveling in the slight flush that spread across his lightly freckled cheeks. You traced the spreading red hue with your lips, then your tongue, shifting as you trailed across his jaw and down his neck.

“Obi,” Eddie rasped as his fingers flexed around your waist.

“Shhhh.” You dipped your tongue into his collarbone like he had done to you earlier. “Unless you want me to stop, just lie back and let me make you feel good. Do you want me to stop, Eddie?”

“N-No, fuck, no,” he stuttered, tilting his neck back to give you more room.

You smiled against his skin and sucked a quick hickey into the base of his throat, causing him to moan, but then you pulled away and shuffled backwards so you were kneeling more over his knees than his thighs. Eddie’s fingers slipped from your waist as you sat up more fully, and you felt him stiffen slightly below you as you gazed down at his bare chest.

You were careful to keep you face completely neutral, but your heart ached inside your chest for the boy beneath you. You’d seen glimpses of him shirtless before, usually when he spilled something on himself while you two were getting high at his trailer, and he stumbled around his room half-naked to look for a semi-clean shirt. So, the long, pale expanse of his torso wasn’t necessarily new to you. You even knew all of his tattoos by heart, mostly because he loved showing them off. There were the bats, the wyvern, and the puppet master on his right arm, on his forearm, tricep, and inside of his wrist respectively. Then there was the black widow spider below his left collarbone and the skull of a demon below the spider, just above his heart.

Except both the spider and the demon were unrecognizable now.

Eddie’s chest and abdomen were covered in ropy scars, pink and knotted and barely healed. Slashes marred the tattoos on his chest, so the images were dissected and distorted. But the scars on his stomach— above his right hip and below the left side of his ribcage— were worse. These scars were more jagged, both from the demo-bats’ teeth, and from where you’d burned him with a serrated knife to cauterize his wounds. The skin there was more red than pink, and you frowned as you ghosted your fingers over the raised lines, almost but not quite touching.

“Obi?” Eddie asked, and the quiet timidness in his voice snapped you out of it.

You flicked your eyes up to find him starting at you with his lip caught between his teeth, and the tinge of fear in his eyes made your throat tight again, but you shoved it down.

“I was right,” you said instead. “Still as beautiful as ever, Munson. Truly, it’s a little unfair.”

“I-I think that’s my line, sweetheart,” he scoffed, but a small smile tugged at his lips, so shy and endearing that you had to crawl up his body again to kiss him.

Eddie opened his mouth to your tongue, groaning when your naked body brushed against his. For a second, you were worried you’d hurt him, but then his kiss turned more bruising, and one of his hands came up to grope your breasts, tweaking at your nipple and causing you to groan this time.

“S-Shit, how are you so goddamn soft everywhere?” he gasped against your lips. “My hands must feel like f-fucking sandpaper.”

“No,” you moaned as your pressed into his left hand, his rings cold against the hot flesh of your breast. “Your hands feel s-so good… but stop distracting me, Munson.”

You pulled back and pouted at him, and before he could stop you, you started kissing your way down his neck again. This time, you didn’t stop at his collarbones, and you hovered over him reverently as you oh so softly dragged your lips over his scars.

“So handsome,” you muttered, pressing a kiss to his sternum. “So fucking handsome, baby. Love you so much. Every bit of you.”

“Fuck, O-Obi,” Eddie whimpered above you, and you felt him buck his hips.

You didn’t want to torture or overstimulate him too much, so you continued down his torso, pausing only briefly to dip your tongue into his bellybutton and run it across his happy trail. When you got to the buckle of his belt, you glanced up at him, finding him staring back at you with eyes as wild as his hair.

“Is it okay if I keep going?” you asked as you reached for his belt.

Eddie bobbed his head sporadically but then seemed to swallow and find his words. “Yes. Christ, yes, please.”

“Well, since you asked so nicely, pretty boy,” you parroted his earlier words back at him. It was supposed to be a joke, but you saw the breath hitch in his chest, and you felt his cock twitch beneath your fingers.

Oh. He seemed to like a little praise. This knowledge made you throb, and you filed it away to use later.

Instead, you focused your attention on opening his belt and jeans, and you immediately started working both his pants and boxers down his thighs. Eddie lifted his hips to help you, and after a brief tug, his cock sprang out and slapped against his belly, causing him to moan.

You quickly shoved the rest of his clothes down his legs, and Eddie kicked them off before you knelt in the V between his thighs.

“Christ,” you breathed. It was one of Eddie’s favorite words, and it was the only thing you could think of as you stared at his straining cock.

You admittedly hadn’t seen many dicks in your life, but his was by far the prettiest. Were dicks supposed to be pretty? Because his sure was. It stretched out maybe seven inches, arching towards his belly button, and the girth of it made saliva pool in your mouth. At the base sat a bush of dark brown curls even more wild than the hair on his head, and at the tip was a little mushroom cap, beading with pearly fluid.

“I-Is that a good, um, Christ?” Eddie asked nervously.

Instead of answering, you leaned down and licked up the underside of his cock, pausing at the tip to lap at his precum, and Eddie cried out, his hips leaping off the bed.

“Mmmm, you taste as good as you look, Munson,” you sighed and licked your lips. Then you shifted, positioning yourself flat on your stomach between his legs, your own kicking up into the air behind you. Eddie’s thighs tensed when you slid your hands across them, one snaking further up his pelvis to grip the base of his cock and tilt it toward you.

“Ohhhh, son of a—” Eddie whimpered as his shaft throbbed in your hand. It was warm, and softer than you imagined, and you couldn’t stop yourself from sticking out your tongue and swirling it around his head.

“I’m not exactly an expert at this, either,” you confessed, feathering a kiss under his mushroom shaped head. “So tell me if you do or don’t like something.”

“Obi,” he gritted out with his head pressed back into the pillows and his eyes tightly shut. “I can’t even fuckin’ look at you right now because I’m on the edge of losing my absolute shit. Y-You could probably just sit there like that for a minute, and it would be enough.”

“But where’s the fun in that?” You smirked, feeling high off the power you held over this man. And from the weed, too, if you were being honest.

Then, before he could say a single thing in retort, you fitted your lips over the head of his cock and sunk halfway down.

Eddie wordlessly shouted as he thrashed, and you had to use one of your hands to press his hips back into the mattress. The other you used to grip the base of his shaft, and you pumped softly as you swirled your tongue around the portion in your mouth. His skin tasted a little salty but clean, and the smell of him was more pungent here, muskier. It drove you a little crazy, and you felt drool dripping past your lips as you slowly started to bob your head.

“Fuckkkkk, Obi, holy shit, t-that feels—” Eddie broke off with a whine, and suddenly his fingers were tangling in your hair. He didn’t push your head down, though, just held you there as he twitched his hips upward, his shaft throbbing against your tongue.

After letting him shallowly thrust for a minute, you pulled back until his head popped free of your mouth, but you didn’t go far, pressing kisses to his tip and using the saliva running down his shaft to lubricate your still-pumping hand.

“God, you’re so hard, Eddie,” you muttered absently, feeling him throb between your fingers. “Does this feel good?”

“Ohhh, so good, so fucking good, you have no idea how good,” he babbled as his fingers scratched pleasantly against your scalp.

“Hmmm, excellent,” you hummed and licked at his leaking head like a lollipop. “Because I want to make you feel as incredible as you made me feel.”

“Fuck, baby, you’re already— AHH!” he cried out, voice cracking, as you suddenly took him in your mouth again and deepthroated him.

You gagged a little, eyes stinging, as he hit the back of your mouth, but your breathed in through your nose and swallowed, feeling the walls of your throat cinch around the head of his cock.

“Shit!” Eddie’s voice rose an octave, taking on a panicked pitch, and then he was suddenly, frantically, yanking at your hair. “F-Fuck, Obi! Stop, shit, stopstopstop!”

You immediately pulled your head back, his dick sliding out of your lips with a wet slurp. Your breathing was ragged as your looked up to find him in a half-seated position, his face contorted and eyes closed, and your stomach immediately churned.

“A-Are you okay?” you rasped, your voice hoarse but concerned. “Fuck, I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

You used your arms to push yourself up and away from his pelvis, until you were kneeling again between his thighs. Eddie panted as he slowly collapsed back onto your pillows, and one of his hands came up to push the damp bangs out of his face while the other flopped across his hips.

“Eddie?” you prompted when he didn’t answer, and finally he cracked open a single eye and tilted his head to look at you.

“You… didn’t hurt me,” he muttered, and he still sounded a little breathless. “I just— fuck, that felt so good, sweetheart. Too good. I, um, almost… ya know, i-in your mouth.”

“Oh.” You smiled, your concern melting away as your desire reignited. “You could have, you know. That was kind of the goal, Munson.”

Eddie exhaled shakily, and you saw his dick twitch where it laid against his stomach, still red and slick with your spit.

“Jesus Christ, don’t say stuff like that, Obi,” he breathed, and he reached down to squeeze the base of his cock. “I-I don’t want to… finish… in your mouth. This time.”

The ‘this time’ made the heat in your gut travel up into your chest, and your smile widened at the implication that he planned to do this again. Because you wanted to do it over and over, for the rest of forever. Until you got sick of it, though you didn’t think that was possible.

You’d only gotten a taste, and yet you knew you were quickly becoming addicted to Eddie Munson.

“Oh, really?” you asked with a smirk, slinking up his body until you were straddling his lap. Your pussy hovered right over his cock, but you stayed hovering above him as you met his glassy gaze. “Where do you want to finish then, Munson? What do you want?”

Eddie’s hands settled against your hips, and his eyes were wide as he gazed up at you with naked adoration etched across his face.

“I-Inside,” he stuttered and then swallowed as his fingers tightened around your hips. “God, Obi, I want to be inside you so fuckin’ bad, I— t-there’s a condom, in my jeans. Can I— let me grab it.”

“Since when have you started carrying around a condom in your pocket?” you teased.

“Since I started waking up every day with your ass pressed against my morning wood,” Eddie said, making your pussy throb, and he patted your naked thigh as he twitched beneath you. “Come on, let me up, it’ll only take a second.”

“Actually…” You bit your lip as you placed one of your hands on his sternum and gently pressed him back down into the bed. “I was thinking… y-you’re clean, since you’ve never, um, been with anyone. And I’ve only, uh, d-done this once, and I’ve been tested since then. Also, I’ve… been on birth control for years now, it helps to regulate my cyc— never mind. What I’m trying to say is we don’t need a condom… if that’s alright with you?”

You didn’t know where you found it in you to be embarrassed after everything you and Eddie had already done together, but your cheeks flushed with heat all the same. You were still hovering over Eddie’s lap, but that quickly changed when he suddenly lunged out and yanked you down onto his chest. You squeaked in surprise, barely able to catch yourself by bracing your hands on the bed beside his shoulders, but then Eddie was devouring your mouth, teeth and tongue and hands everywhere.

You moaned as his fingers skimmed up your sides, detouring to your breasts and nipples for a moment before they continued upwards to cup your face. His tongue swiped across yours one last time before he ripped himself away, and he panted against your mouth as he pressed his forehead to yours.

“That’s… holy shit, that’s so fucking hot,” he whimpered as he bucked up beneath you, and the brush of his bare dick on your wet folds punched a groan from your chest. “Obi, Christ, Obi, I need to be inside you. Fuck, please, I just— I’m gonna die if I’m not inside you in the next thirty seconds.”

“I already told you once, you’re not dying on me, Munson,” you said, snaking a hand down between your torsos to grasp the base of his cock.

Eddie whined again at your touch, but it was nothing compared to the strangled sound he made when you notched the head of his dick against your dripping cunt. You sat up a little to get the angle right, but then you paused and smiled at the tense, panting man beneath you.

“Love you, Eddie. I love you so goddamn much.”

“Fuck, I love you, too, sweetheart, I— OH!”

He broke off with a shout as you pushed your hips down, popping the head of his dick past your entrance. The stinging stretch made your eyes roll back into your head, and a guttural groan echoed up your throat as your slowly sank down, inch by inch, onto his cock.

“S-Shit, Eddie,” you whined once you sat in the cradle of his pelvis. Your walls ached and fluttered as they tried to accommodate him, and it felt like he was lodged all the way up in your chest. The first and last guy you’d been with definitely hadn’t felt like this.

“Fuckkkk,” Eddie practically sobbed out, and his nails dug into the skin of your hips, hard enough to leave bruises. But he managed to lift his head from where he’d thrown it back into the pillows, and his hazy, unfocused eyes found yours. “Christ on a fucking crutch. A-Are you okay, Obi? You’re so goddamn tight.”

“It’s cuz you’re f-fucking big,” you shot back, your voice a little breathless as you gently settled your palms against his belly, careful to avoid the worst scars. The stretch of him inside you still ached a little bit, but it was beginning to fade, and you slowly rocked your hips against his.

You moaned at the dual sensation of him moving inside your pussy while his pubes tickled your clit, and Eddie cursed again as his fingers clamped down around your waist.

“Wait, s-stop, stop,” he suddenly hissed, and you froze above him, lifting your hands off his stomach.

“Sorry, did I—” you started to ask, but Eddie quickly shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut.

“No, you just feel too goddamn good. Again.” Eddie laughed shakily before he took a deep breath and let it out slow. Then he opened his eyes, and he smiled up at you sheepishly. “Sorry. You’re just… so fuckin’ beautiful, and I’m on a virgin hair trigger here, and—”

“Eddie, it’s okay,” you cut him off with a smile, reaching down to pry one of his hands off your hips so you could press a kiss to his fingers. “You have nothing to apologize for. Do you feel good right now?”

“Good doesn’t even fuckin’ scratch the surface, sweetheart,” he breathed out, and when you released his hand, it immediately fell to one of your breasts, brushing over your nipple. “This is quite literally the best goddamn day of my life. Don’t know how it could get better from here.”

“I think I have an idea.” You smirked before you leaned down and slanted your mouth over his, rolling your hips in the process.

Eddie’s groan was muffled by your tongue, and you whimpered along with him as you lifted a few inches up his shaft before sitting right back down. You swirled your hips with him rooted deep inside you, and his hands ghosted up your spine, pressing you against him.

The two of you rocked together as you kissed, but you needed air eventually, so you tore your lips away, burying your face in the crook of his shoulder as you gasped for breath.

With his lips free, Eddie took to babbling, and every word out of his mouth just made you drip and clench around his cock.

“O-Oh, fuck, baby, you feel sooo good, so goddamn good. So wet and-- Fuck! Squeezing me so tightly. Christ, you’re driving me insane, I can’t even t-think. My brain is on fucking fire-- god! Obi. S-Shit, Obi, w-wait. I’m sorry, wait, waitwait.”

You froze midroll and whimpered as his cock brushed that special spot inside you. Eddie panted as he clutched you to him, but after a moment, he slowly relaxed into the sheets, and you carefully propped yourself up on your hands.

“Sorry,” Eddie muttered as he blinked up at you.

“I told you, you have nothing to apologize for,” you reminded him with a smile, but he still looked so contrite, so you clenched around him, rising up a little and sinking back down so he could hear the wet noises coming from between your bodies. “Hear that? That’s because you turn me on so much, Ed. You’re the one making me so wet. I could probably just sit here on your cock and cum without either of us moving. That’s how good you feel inside me.”

“Goddamn it, Obi,” he gritted out as he clenched his eyes shut again, his hands clutching at the top of your thighs. “I’m trying not to cum here, and you’re not helping.”

“But I want you to cum,” you said, sitting up fully and starting to rock on his cock again. From this angle, you could almost feel him in the back of your throat, and you tossed your head back as you settled your palms against his belly and rode him in slow but deep movements. “I, ah, want you to cum deep inside me, pretty boy. Want— fuck, want to feel it.”

“Oh, shit,” Eddie hissed and bared his teeth. Then his hands wrapped around your hips again, guiding you a little bit faster. “S-Shit. I— Can you cum again? Wanna feel you cum on my cock. Fuck, I want that so bad. What can I do?”

“Touch me,” you gasped. The coil in your gut was tightening again, wound tighter and tighter by the insistent press of his cock deep inside you.

“Y-Yeah, yeah, I can do that,” he groaned, shifting his left hand from your hip, and the cold bite of his metal rings against your heated and swollen clit made you cry out.

“Eddie!” You jolted further up his cock than you had been, and you were so slick that you just slid right back down, your ass meeting his pelvis with a wet slap. The head of his cock knocked against something inside you that made you see stars, and suddenly you were bouncing on his dick, rapid and wild, your eyes rolling back into your head.

“Fuck! Oh, god, oh, Christ, O-Obi, Obi, I’m— shit, I’m cumming.” Eddie’s voice rose into a high-pitched whine, his fingers and rings blindly bumping against your clit, his hips bucking off the bed to meet yours. “I’m cumming, fuck, cum with me, cum with me, baby, please!”

“Yes, cum inside me!” you sobbed as he snapped his hips up into yours, and your third orgasm of the night hit you like a freight train. “Eddie!”

You felt his cock thob in the tight clutch of your walls moments before you were filled with the warmth of his cum, and the sensation heightened your own climax. Your whole body spasmed, lightning in every nerve, and you only distantly felt Eddie tug you down onto his chest, his tongue invading your mouth, his sobs and curses muffled by your lips.

The two of you rolled and writhed against each other as you rode out your climaxes, but eventually your thighs burned too much, so you just collapsed limp on Eddie’s chest while he thrust up into you a few more times. You whimpered from oversensitivity and the aftershocks of your orgasm, and your brain felt like slush between your ears when Eddie finally gasped, shuddered, and stilled beneath you.

A long moment stretched by in silence as you both caught your breath and returned to your bodies, but Eddie was the first to stir, his hand feathering up your spine. It tickled slightly, so you involuntarily clenched, and then you both groaned as you tightened around his softening cock.

“Fuckkkkkk.” Eddie laughed, his chest rumbling beneath you, and his palm pressed flat between your shoulder blades. “That was… holy shit. I… I think I might have died. I think this might actually be heaven.”

“Why do you keep trying to die on me?” you grumbled as you lifted your head off his shoulder and pouted at him.

“’M not trying to, baby.” Eddie smiled and cupped your cheek, but then he bit his lip, his dark-brown eyes searching your face. “Was that… okay… for you?”

You blinked at him. And then again. “Munson. Did you not just make me cum three times?”

He blushed, but his smile was equal parts sheepish and proud. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess I did.”

“Damn right you did,” you sighed, wincing as a cramp started up in your thigh. “But, um, I need to… dismount now. Leg cramp.”

“Oh, shit, yeah, let me—” Eddie paused and glanced down at where you were still connected, and then his eyes darted from side to side, searching. “My shirt, I—”

“Too slow,” you groaned, and you pulled up without warning.

His half flaccid cock slid out of you with a wet sound, and both of you whined. You could feel something start to trickle out of you and onto your inner thigh, but you just flopped onto your back, Eddie scooting over to make room for you against the headboard.

“Sorry,” you hissed as you stretched your legs out, pointing your toes. “Couldn’t wait. Damn Charlie horse.”

“Want me to rub it?” Eddie asked, and he shifted partially onto his side next to you.

“No, it’s fading, I’m okay,” you sighed, relaxing into the bed and turning your head to look at him. But he wasn’t looking at you. No, his eyes were glued to the inside of your thighs, and when you followed his gaze, you blushed. Your skin was wet, glistening in the light of the bed side lamp, and you could feel more wetness seeping out of you and onto the covers.

Oh, well. You needed to wash the sheets anyway. Thankfully, you had spares for tonight.

“Eddie,” you muttered when he just kept staring, and you tried to close your legs, but he suddenly reached out and stopped you, his fingertips pressing into the tacky skin of your thighs.

“No, wait… can I…” He trailed off as he glanced at you, and you wanted to tell him no, were already squirming with embarrassment, but you found yourself nodding yes.

Yes to whatever he wanted.

Eddie smiled before he scootched down the bed a little, and then he was pressing your thighs open, his fingers brushing against your sopping folds and spreading them apart.

“Fuck,” he breathed as he gaped at your swollen pussy, and you moaned, walls fluttering, pushing out another glob of his cum. “Goddamn, you look…”

He trailed off again, and you felt his thumb swipe up your slit, collecting his cum, before he slotted it back inside you.

“Ah!” you gasped, the sound transforming into a moan and then a whimper. You closed your thighs around his wrist and arched your back, trying to scoot away. “Eddie, s-sensitive.”

“Oops, sorry.” He immediately withdrew his thumb, but he paused a moment to inspect the slick glint of your combined juices on his skin.

You reached for his hand without thinking, meeting his wide eyes as you pulled his thumb to your mouth. Gently, you wrapped your lips around him, swiping your tongue over the pad of his digit. The taste was salty and tangy but not bad, and your eyelashes fluttered a little as you hollowed your cheeks.

When you released him, Eddie exhaled sharply, like he’d been holding his breath, and then he was swooping down to kiss you again. His tongue stabbed into your mouth, chasing the remnants of your combined flavors, and you moaned as you wrapped your arms around his neck and tugged him down to lie half on top of you.

“Whoa,” Eddie laughed against your lips. Then he pulled away to stabilize himself so he didn’t fall off the bed or crush you. “Careful there, Obi. I might trip, fall, and end up with my dick inside you again.”

You giggled at the corny joke and pecked another kiss against the corner of his mouth. “I wouldn’t be opposed to that.”

“You are so evil,” Eddie groaned as he wrapped his arms around you, trapping your own against his chest. “Evil, evil Obi.”

“Muhahaha,” you murmured sleepily, settling against him. But then your eyes fluttered open, and you saw the scars inches away from your nose. Tentatively, you traced your fingertips down the pink, ropy tissue, and when Eddie tensed slightly, you leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the remnants of his spider tattoo. “I didn’t hurt you, though, did I?”

“Princess, what you made me feel was the opposite of pain,” Eddie sighed and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “You made me feel… fucking fantastic. Is it weird if I thank you? Because I feel like I should thank you. You know what, I’m doing it. Thank you, Obi. Thank you for rocking my goddamn world.”

��You’re welcome.” Giggling, you pressed another kiss to another scar. “And thank you, Munson. I… I love you.”

“Fuck, I love you, too,” he breathed as he placed his fingers under your chin and tilted your face up. His lips brushed over your so sweetly, and his opposite hand traced idle patterns against the bare skin of your back.

When he pulled back, he was smiling that smile you loved so much— the one that crinkled the lines around his eyes and made his dimples stand out— and there was a hint of mischief in his chocolate brown eyes.

“Now, what do you say to us rolling another joint, raiding your kitchen, and going round two?” Eddie smirked.

“I think…” you said with a smile, tickling your fingers against his chest until he giggled and pulled back. “That you better hurry up and get rolling, Munson.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He grinned and smacked another kiss against your lips before clambering out of bed.

You laughed at his overexaggerated hurried pace, the way he kept glancing at the clock on your nightstand with increasing faux-worry. He somehow managed to roll another joint without spilling anything, and you felt your breath hitch a little as you watched him lick it closed.

Yeah, you were definitely addicted to Eddie Munson now.

But you didn’t really see the problem with that.

[familyvideostevie]

hi can I request a steve x fem reader where Steve just noticed every single detail about reader (how she skips a commercial that has sad dogs in shelters because she genuinely suffers if she sees a sad or homeless dog, how she always picks her nails when she’s anxious, stuff like that) and it’s just so special to her because literally no one else had noticed those little things.

this is so cute i made myself sad writing this bc i want steve. hope you like it! | 0.9k, fem!reader, fluff fluff fluff

Steve isn't the fastest to the answer or the one to put the pieces together, and he knows that. But he's gotten really good at watching and paying attention. He knows that Dustin hates tomatoes and Robin never double knots her shoelaces until he reminds her. He knows that Max likes when Lucas hooks his fingers through her belt loops but doesn't make a big deal about it. He knows that Mike always calls El when it rains. Hell, he even knows which brand of juice box Erica prefers and keeps them in his fridge.

So, it's only par for the course that Steve spends a lot of time watching and learning you. He did that before you were together, but now it's different because you're his. And he's yours. And he really doesn't think it's a big deal, that it's something worth talking about until you come over one day looking sadder than he's ever seen you.

"Hey pretty girl," he says. You don't even hesitate before going in for a hug. "Oof. You okay?"

"Hi Steve," you mumble into his shirt. "How are you?"

"I'm fine." He rubs his hands over your spine. "Tell me what's up?"

"Am I boring?" Steve's brain skids to a halt. What?

"What?" He pulls back from you, hands on your shoulders. He realizes that you don't look sad, actually. You look like you're thinking hard about something, brows scrunched and nose wrinkled. You let go of him and fill up a glass of water at the sink.

"You can be honest," you say. Your hand is clenched on the counter top. "I can take it."

"I...think I'm missing something here." Steve doesn't know where you've gotten this idea and he wants to figure it out so he can hunt them down and...wag his finger in their face, or something. "Who said that? Did someone tell you that?"

"Doesn't matter who said it, Steve," you sigh. "Is it true?" Steve moves behind you and puts a hand on your lower back, fingers splayed so his pinky sneaks under the hem of your shirt to touch your bare skin. Your whole body relaxes, just a little bit, but that's all he needs.

"C'mon," he urges. "Fill me in. You know I'm slow." That gets your attention, your head whipping over to glare at him.

"Steve. You're not slow."

"And you're not boring." You roll your eyes at him and turn so his hand rests on your stomach as you lean against the sink.

"The new girl at the store was talking about all the stuff she does for fun. She's on a roller derby team, she volunteers at the library, she lived in France for a year. And I thought about what I do and what I like and I...couldn't think of anything."

"So you decided you're boring because you haven't been to France?" Steve honestly doesn't see what's happening. "Still confused over here." You groan and move away from him and he can't bring himself to be embarrassed about the sound he makes now that he's not touching you.

"There's nothing special about me!" you cry, all of a sudden incensed. You pace, hands in your hair in agitation. "I'm just...some girl. I work at a bookstore and I don't have interesting hobbies and I'm boring." Well, that won't do. Steve lets you pace, but he's not about to let you say those things about yourself.

"When you wake up you always stretch like a cat and then crack your neck," he says. You stop in your tracks and look at him like he's speaking gibberish. "You pick at your cuticles when you're anxious and you drum your fingers in a little pattern when you have a song stuck in your head."

"Steve--" He holds his hand out and starts to count on his fingers.

"You dog-ear the pages of your books but won't annotate them because it's 'vandalism,' you tug on your seatbelt just once after buckling it, and you always squat down whenever you talk to a kid."

"Are these interesting? Steve, come on --" He plows on, moving closer to you with each thing he says.

"You always know when Robin gets too nervous and you hold her hand to give her courage. You make Max new mixtapes every month. You write Will letters." He cups your face and plants a kiss for each thing he says, forehead, cheek, cheek, nose. "You eat popcorn at the movies one kernel at a time. You always smile when you see a butterfly. You hate wearing socks to bed unless they're mine. You wrinkle your nose after you sneeze like it's your first time sneezing."

"Those are just silly things, Steve," you whisper, eyes downcast.

"No, they're you," he says, tapping your chin so you'll look at him. "Nothing about you is silly."

"I can't believe you noticed all that." You lean in to kiss him just once, a sweet, quick thank you. "No one ever has before."

"Of course I did. You're interesting. Like a science experiment or something, I swear." You laugh and he relishes the sound. "Seriously. That's what makes people interesting. All the small stuff."

"I don't know --"

"I do. Everyday I learn something new about you. And I get to do that forever. What's more interesting than that?" You close your eyes and he kisses the soft skin of your lids.

"God, Steve. How do you come up with this stuff?" He smirks, pleased.

"I practice in front of the mirror." You groan at his joke, surging forward to kiss him for real this time.

tags: @cheerupbarry @srrybutno @97soroka @sunlitide @gloryofroses19 @carpediem1219 @themarvelousbee @sunshinehollandd @katsukis1wife @imherefortea @spideyboipete

want to be added to my tag list? send me a message and specify for steve, eddie, or both! reblog, send feedback, requests open, masterlist here!

[watchmenanon]

THE ‘STRANGER THINGS’ BOYS ARE OUR ‘NYLON GUYS’ SEPTEMBER 2017 COVER STARS

If anyone understands the sudden shift from “not fitting in” to “one-million-plus followers,” it’s these guys.

The following feature appears in the September 2017 issue of NYLON Guys.

Finn Wolfhard just couldn’t resist. Despite needing to be camera-ready for his NYLON photo shoot, the 14-year-old star of Stranger Things decided to suck on a blue Warhead anyway, and now he’s paying the price. “All these sets have candy on them, and I can’t help myself. It was a mistake,” he admits, sheepishly trying to scrub the cerulean stain from his tongue with a miniature toothbrush. To his right, Gaten Matarazzo wears a gray T-shirt that reads, uh oh! did my sarcasm hurt your feelings?, a slogan worthy of Dustin Henderson, the lovable wisecracker he plays opposite Wolfhard on the hit Netflix show. Matarazzo, also 14, is getting his trademark tangle of curls straightened, much to the delight of Noah Schnapp, who, at 12, is the youngest in this group of breakout stars that has helped make Stranger Things the most obsessed-over show in Netflix’s boundless roster of original series. Missing is Caleb McLaughlin, the energetic 15-year-old who plays Lucas Sinclair, but he’s on his way over in a black car, having just arrived from Los Angeles, fresh off an appearance at the BET Awards.

It’s the first time the boys have been together in several weeks, and none of them can pinpoint exactly when they were last in the same room. Ever since Stranger Things became a cultural phenomenon last summer, they’ve been swept up in a whirlwind of red carpets, talk shows, and fan conventions. And as the premiere of the sci-fi and horror fantasia’s top-secret second season nears, this summer has been overtaken by a flurry of promotional duties. Next week, while most kids their age are cooling off in pools or testing out the latest in roller coaster technology, Matarazzo and McLaughlin will be at Denver Comic Con, signing autographs and posing for selfies with wide-eyed fans. A few weeks after that, all four will find themselves inside the hallowed Hall H at San Diego Comic-Con, where they’ll premiere the thrilling trailer for Season 2 to rapturous applause.

But on this day, even though they’re technically at work, the boys still find time to goof off. They are, after all, best friends—like brothers, even, they say—and there’s a lot of catching up to do, memes to be shared, and jokes to be cracked. “We used to call Noah ‘Señor Biebs,’” Matarazzo offers at one point, due to Schnapp’s Season 1 bowl cut and its resemblance to the former haircut of a certain Canadian pop star. “He hates it!” he says, just before he sticks his finger into Schnapp’s ear (playfully, of course).

Inside the bright and breezy photo studio on Manhattan’s West Side, publicists abound, but because these budding stars are still minors, there are also parents. It’s an unusual sight, and a reminder that despite having very grown-up jobs, they’re still not old enough to drive. Wolfhard, the Vancouver native who plays Mike Wheeler, is here with his father, as is Matarazzo, who hails from Little Egg Harbor Township, New Jersey. Schnapp and his parents came in from Westchester County, north of the city. When McLaughlin, who grew up in Carmel, New York, finally arrives lugging a suitcase that’s almost as big as he is, he’s accompanied by his father, a burly man in an Atlanta Braves cap who goes around the room with his son hugging the other parents, a reminder of how tight the makeshift family has become since this odyssey began more than two years ago.

Stranger Things premiered as an underdog. Its creators, the twin brothers Matt and Ross Duffer, were unproven talents who had previously written for the Fox sci-fi series Wayward Pines. Except for Winona Ryder’s comeback as a grieving mother searching for her missing son, the cast was composed largely of unknowns and newcomers. But thanks to its double dose of supernatural intrigue and a nostalgic ’80s-tinged glow, along with a miraculous performance by a young British actress with a shaved head, Stranger Things quickly commandeered the pop-culture conversation in a way that few shows have done. In July, the show received a staggering 18 Emmy nominations, including Outstanding Drama Series.

Created by the Duffers in the spirit of the Amblin-era entertainments they were raised on, the eight-episode first season is set in 1983 in Hawkins, Indiana, and unravels the mystery surrounding the disappearance of Will Byers, played by Schnapp, who vanishes in the first episode after an encounter with the show’s resident boogeyman, the otherworldly creature known as the Demogorgon. As Will’s three misfit best friends—Mike, Lucas, and Dustin—embark on a quest to find him, they uncover an alternate dimension they dub The Upside Down, and a sinister government conspiracy that may be responsible for opening it. They also befriend Eleven, the feral girl with telekinetic powers embodied iconically by 13-year-old Millie Bobby Brown.

Stranger Things began filming its second season under very different circumstances than the first. What once felt like a scrappy production free of scrutiny from outside sources suddenly had the mood and atmosphere of a major Hollywood blockbuster. “Netflix knew it would be a good show,” McLaughlin says, “but they didn’t realize how big it would be and that the whole world was going to freak out about it.” Because of that intense interest from both the network and the public, the set suddenly had a noticeable security presence shielding it from nosy onlookers and paparazzi, while network executives showed up to make sure their prized racehorse was galloping along. Suddenly, there were expectations. “We raised the bar pretty high with the first season,” says Matarazzo. “There was a lot more tension on set, in that we really needed to make sure it was good.”

When Season 2 premieres on October 27, a year will have passed since Eleven sacrificed herself to defeat the faceless Demogorgon and save the boys, in the Season 1 finale. Trying to squeeze spoilers out of Wolfhard, McLaughlin, Schnapp, and Matarazzo is useless. Extensive media training, including detailed notes on what they can and can’t discuss, have transformed them into a rare breed: teenagers who can keep a secret. What they can say: Season 2 is bigger, darker, and scarier. There’s also a new character in town, played by Sadie Sink. (According to the Duffers, Millie Bobby Brown was “relieved” to have another girl on set.) “She’s a skater, sort of a punk girl, and she slowly becomes part of the group,” says Wolfhard, who also says his character will be depressed and “a loner” in the wake of Eleven’s disappearance. What they can’t say: pretty much everything else. But it’s not just scoop-hungry journalists who harass them for info. “Whenever you get recognized by fans, most of the time they ask you if you’ve got any spoilers for Season 2, and I’m like, ‘No, none, not at all,’” says Matarazzo. “It’s definitely kind of stressful.”

One of the biggest changes for the new season is the expansion of Schnapp’s screen time. Because his character spends much of the first season trapped in an alternate dimension, Schnapp spent a good deal of time at home in New York while everyone else filmed in Atlanta. “Last year I would drive up to the studio and everyone would be like, ‘Hey, Noah, we’ve missed you! How’ve you been?’” says Schnapp. “This year was a lot easier because last year, I’d have to go in and out of school, and that was hard. This year I could focus.”

Although he’s rescued from The Upside Down, we last saw Schnapp removing a slithery creature from his mouth, a telltale sign that not all is well with Will Byers. For Schnapp, whose character mostly communicated through Christmas lights in Season 1, the new episodes meant new challenges as an actor. “Shawn Levy, one of our directors, was telling me, ‘Noah, you have something really big this season. We have a lot in store for you, and you should get really excited,’” he says. Schnapp felt the added pressure, and would sometimes text his TV mom, Ryder, for extra help with particularly emotional scenes. “We knew we needed a strong actor in case the series moved forward into a second season, because we knew he was going to be a centerpiece,” says Matt Duffer. “We needed not just a good actor, but a really, really good actor.” Schnapp rose to the occasion, according to the Duffers. “Shawn [Levy] was like, ‘We’ve had a Ferrari sitting in the garage all of Season 1, and now the fucking garage doors are open.’”

The Duffers knew that casting child actors, who have a tendency to favor exaggerated performances over naturalistic ones, would make or break their show. “There’s really nothing worse than a bad child performance,” Ross Duffer says. “You couldn’t have any weaknesses, or the eight hours would be excruciating.” Along with their casting director, the Duffers saw what they estimate to be 900 kids, an undertaking they say was easier than it sounds because they could tell within the first few minutes if the actor had what they needed. “You’re looking for something authentic, and most kids don’t have it,” says Ross. “There are the ones that are obviously well-trained, but they feel too Disney, like they’re winking at the camera.” What the Duffers found with their four young male stars were kids who seemed like actual kids.

Matarazzo was the first one cast, his audition so impressive that he found out he got the part on the way back from the airport. “We didn’t really even know who the Dustin character was until we found Gaten,” says Matt Duffer. “He was sort of a generic nerd with glasses. He was a stereotype.” Matarazzo, whose sense of humor inspired the Duffers to transform Dustin into the show’s primary source of comic relief, has grown up with a condition known as cleidocranial dysplasia, which stunts the development of bones and teeth. “We wanted to make a show about outsiders, about kids who didn’t fit in and who were bullied and made fun of,” says Matt. “Gaten was really able to tap into all of that.”

McLaughlin and Matarazzo had known each other from their days as stars in two of Broadway’s biggest shows. Matarazzo portrayed Gavroche in Les Misérables, and McLaughlin played Simba in The Lion King. They’d often see each other in a park frequented by “Broadway kids,” as Matarazzo calls them. “When I found out Caleb had gotten Lucas I was like, ‘Caleb? Where do I know that name from?’” he recalls. Wolfhard and Schnapp established an early connection, too—sort of. “He doesn’t remember me, but I remember him,” Wolfhard says. “Because I asked him what other projects he had done, and he said, ‘I was the voice of Charlie Brown in The Peanuts Movie.’ I was like, ‘What?! You’re Charlie Brown?’ I was so pysched about that.”

Although they had all crossed paths during the audition process, usually around the hotel pool or at chemistry reads, it wasn’t until they arrived in Atlanta to begin production that all four boys, along with Millie Bobby Brown, found themselves together in the same room for the first time. If there was a first-day-of-school feel, it made sense: They met in a classroom, which is where the young cast of Stranger Things still spend most of their time when they’re not filming. That grueling schedule means the only opportunities they get to really mess around are between takes, and sometimes during them. “We have laughing problems,” says McLaughlin. Matt Duffer elaborates: “We definitely have an issue, where we can’t get through a take without someone busting up. They’re always making each other crack up—the number of takes ruined by laughter is in the hundreds.”

Schnapp was at summer camp when Stranger Things dropped on Netflix. He wasn’t allowed to have his phone, but shortly after the series premiered, one of his counselors happened to check his Instagram account—80,000 followers. The next day it was 85,000. “I was like, ‘Wait, what’s going on?’ I think I was at one follower before that,” Schnapp says. Wolfhard also remembers that odd rush of watching his followers skyrocket and realizing his life was changing right in front of his eyes. McLaughlin felt his anonymity evaporate the first time he was recognized. “In L.A., this kid came up to me and was like, ‘Hey, are you Caleb Reginald McLaughlin?’” he says. “And I’m like, ‘What? You know my middle name? That’s nuts.’” 

The connection between the boys is strengthened by the surreal turn their lives have taken, circumstances that most kids their age can’t relate to. When Matarazzo, McLaughlin, and Wolfhard met Barack Obama last October, as guests of the White House’s South by South Lawn festival, the former president, who’s a fan of the show, told them he especially enjoyed their on-screen camaraderie. That bond exists offscreen, too, and has only gotten stronger with every award show and panel. “They really are my best friends,” Matarazzo says. “We can relate to each other a lot more than other people can. People try to understand everything that goes on, but they can’t unless they’ve been there.”

“I don’t think any of the kids would say that our friendship is similar to the friendships they have back home, because it’s not,” says Wolfhard. “No kid has ever really had an experience that I’m experiencing right now—it’s a unique sort of friendship.”

Wolfhard is careful not to bring his work home with him. “If you go home and all you talk about is acting, then you’re a douchebag,” he says. “Your friends don’t want to hear about your professional life, they just want to mess around.” Plus, when you’re 14 years old, talking about work is never cool, even if it involves facing off against a faceless interdimensional demon. The boys are also learning that with a great number of Instagram followers comes great responsibility. “We have to be more cautious with what we say on social media and in public,” says McLaughlin, who was shocked to lose followers after he openly rooted for the Golden State Warriors during the NBA playoffs.

While Netflix has yet to make an official announcement, a third season of Stranger Things is a given, meaning the boys are all but guaranteed to live out their teenage years on one of the most popular shows on television. The Duffers, then, will have to follow in the footsteps of long-running properties like Game of Thrones and the Harry Potter franchise in making sure their child actors don’t grow up faster than their characters. “It’s terrifying,” Matt Duffer says. “I shouldn’t even be highlighting this, but if you watch Season 2, they’ve grown from Episode 1 to Episode 9. I’m terrified one of them is going to have a major growth spurt basically in the middle of shooting. But as long as they’re growing outside of the course of our shooting, I’m not too worried about it, because we just have to build it into our story. As much as you would like to keep some of it more continuous, every time we take a break between seasons, we have to make a year time jump at least.”

All four actors say that they want to remain in show business into adulthood. Wolfhard, who obsessively studies the filmmaking process while on set—he’ll star in the remake of Stephen King’s It, in theaters this month—is eyeing a multihyphenate career as a director, actor, and musician. Back at the photo shoot, Matarazzo and Schnapp gather around his iPhone to watch a video Wolfhard co-directed for a friend’s band, Spendtime Palace. Earlier this year, McLaughlin, who is a trained dancer, played a young Ricky Bell on the BET miniseries The New Edition Story, an experience he describes as “historic.” Matarazzo wants to continue acting, but not forever, and is keeping an open mind about other aspects of the industry. Schnapp, who took his first acting class at the age of six, describes winning the Screen Actors Guild Award for Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series as one of the greatest moments of his life, and is doing exactly what he wants. (The boys, who describe the awards as “very heavy,” keep them in their bedrooms, except for Matarazzo, who has been meaning to retrieve his from his grandparents’ house. )

“They all love what they’re doing,” says Matt Duffer. “They love coming to set, they love working, they love acting. In terms of the fame thing, it’s a side effect that I think some of them are more into than others. You’re worried about, ‘What if they realize this isn’t their true passion?’ They’re so young. But this year those fears went away. They’re all very committed to this. That’s the important thing, that they enjoy what they’re doing. And that they’re passionate about it.”

[impostoradult]

I finally figured out why it feels like Supernatural murdered a unicorn (AKA why you need to STOP telling me to watch Black Sails)

I’ll start by saying, everything everyone else has been saying CERTAINLY bothers me: 

- the queer-baiting - the bury your queers - the undermining of Dean’s character arc  - the wasted opportunity for a certain kind of overall narrative closure - the flat out disrespect to Misha Collins and Jensen Ackles

 All of that bothers me tremendously. 

But there has been something else rather ineffable about this that has left a horrible taste in my mouth that I couldn’t quite pin down until last night. Bear with me, if you will, because this will require some set-up. 

*** This is not the first show to ever disappoint me in a spectacular fashion, nor will it be the last, I suspect. And one of the ways I’ve always coped with that disappointment was to remind myself that there will be other stories, other characters, other chances to get it right. (”It” being any number of things from just pure narrative emotional coherence to not burying your queers to not stringing along your queer audience and then yelling fuck you to them on the way out) 

But somehow that assurance -- that there will be other stories, other characters, other chances to get it right -- has rung particularly hollow in this instance, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why until yesterday. 

I kept asking myself, why do I still have this feeling, deep in the pit of my stomach, like something was lost here that can never be recovered? 

Because something was lost here that I am doubtful can ever be recovered, and I don’t think I’ve seen anyone else talking about this aspect of it at all. 

***

A few months ago, TV critic Maureen Ryan did a great interview piece with Mike Schur (of Parks & Rec/The Good Place) discussing the death of long-form TV in the streaming era. They explore how the longer seasons and longer runs of traditional broadcast/cable TV provided an opportunity to tell particular kinds of stories that you simply can’t when seasons are 8-10 episodes and series typically run 2-4 seasons (thanks Netflix).

One key thing we’ve all lost in this new era of highly condensed TV storytelling (and of prestige TV narrative styles)? The traditional (several season’s long) slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance. Not only is there simply no longer the time or space to write such romances, it has also come to be seen as hacky, manipulative, cheap, artistically impoverished, low-brow, a embarrassing vestige of the era before TV became art™. 

Everybody is trying to be Fleabag now. No one wants to be Frasier. (”It’s really more like a 10 hour movie” they all like to brag)

Obviously TV still has romances, even ‘drawn out’ romances. But ‘drawn out’ in 2020 is like 2-3 seasons, maybe. More commonly it’s like half a season. Take Schitt’s Creek. The number of episodes between when David and Patrick first meet and when they first kiss? Seven. Seven episodes. Half a season. If you watched it live, it took less than 2 months for them to move from introducing that dynamic to consummating it. And I’m not bagging on Schitt’s Creek; I think the David/Patrick’s story is very lovely and well-written. 

But Niles & Daphne (Fraiser) had to wait 7 years and over 150 episodes before they finally got there. Josh & Donna (The West Wing) had to wait 6+ years, and 145 episodes. Mulder & Scully (The X-Files) had to wait 7 seasons and 143 episodes. Booth & Bones had to wait...you see where I am going with this. 

And my point is (and I can’t believe I never realized this explicitly until now): there has NEVER been a queer slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance of that type on TV ever. EVER. 

I’m going to say that again, because I think it bares repeating:

There has never been a queer, slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance that fits the 100-150 episode paradigm of delayed gratification on TV. 

Not ever.  

I can’t think of ONE example  Not a single, solitary one. And I know queer TV pretty well. Arguably the closest we’ve ever come is Legend of Korra, and that ran 50 episodes, a THIRD of the length of old school will-they-won’t-theys like Booth & Bones or Josh & Donna. 

Queer people have had a fair number of canonical romances on TV by now, even fairly long running ones. But we never got a primary/front-and-center romance that you had to root for for 100+ episodes before you got any kind of canonical consummation.

That is a particular kind of TV experience that queer people and queer characters were just 100% shut out of until it was too late. And because of how the TV landscape has changed in the last 10 years, I don’t know that that opportunity will ever come back around in our lifetimes. 

***

Dean and Castiel are/were a legacy of an earlier era of TV, an era that still contained the possibility for a will-they-won’t-they of that particular mold. There were other shows that could have also filled this gap at one time - Rizzoli & Isles, OUAT, House MD, etc. But one by one all of them were killed off, their queer romances unrequited, until Supernatural was the only one of its’ generation left standing. 

And they should have acknowledged that they were a species about to become extinct. 

There are plenty of other valid and compelling reasons Supernatural should have gone full Destiel, don’t get me wrong.

A) It would have been the most emotionally satisfying ending to the series and to those characters (and that would have been reason enough). 

B) It would have stopped the manipulative queer-baiting of the (disproportionately queer) fanbase (and that would have been reason enough). 

C) It would have been queer representation of middle-aged men, of bi men, of queers who came to their queerness later in life (and any/all of those would have been reason enough). 

D) It could have been a glorious subversion of the bury your queers trope, considering how often they’ve died and been resurrected (and that would have been reason enough). 

But point E) on this list is the reason this one hurts in a singular way that no one even appears to be acknowledging. 

Almost all of the other wrongs and missed opportunities contained in this Supernatural debacle have the possibility of being rectified (at least to a degree) elsewhere. I can and I likely will get more bi male characters from TV as time goes on. I can and likely will get more middle-aged queer characters. I can and likely will get more queer characters coming to their queerness later in life, and starting queer romances later in life. I can and likely will get more queer characters who aren’t killed cheaply and prematurely. I can and likely will get more genre TV shows with sprawling myth arc plots that are resolved in a coherent, satisfying way. I can and likely will get Misha Collins and Jensen Ackles involved in other projects that value their work and their talents. 

All of those other things are at the very least POSSIBLE, and many are even likely. 

But a queer 100-150 episode slow-burn romance a la Mulder & Scully or Niles & Daphne or Booth & Bones? That is the one baton Supernatural dropped spectacularly that no one else even has the possibility of picking up again for the foreseeable future. (They don’t even write those types of romances for heterosexuals anymore!) 

Seriously. It was a TV unicorn. And rather than letting it run wild and free, they stabbed it with a rusty nail. 

***

Given the monumental shifts in the TV landscape that have occurred in the last decade, I don’t know that TV will ever go back to the slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance spanning 100-150 episodes. Today it is a miracle if you can get ANY show to last longer than 50 episodes in the first place. 

And that is the piece of this that makes it feel (to me) like they murdered a unicorn.  

Because queer people have gotten a lot of things from TV, and they will get a lot more as time goes on. But that one? That one could very well be a totally extinct species.

That is the larger missed opportunity here that has left this feeling especially hollow and destructive. That is the thing that makes me balk when people tell me to go watch Black Sails or Pose or whatever other prestige TV show is doing this representation ‘better.’ Because that’s not really the loss I am mourning here. I KNOW there is ‘better’ representation elsewhere.  

But the will-they-won’t-they/slow-burn romance is a qualitatively unique thing that queer people literally just never got. Ever. There is no substitute, no alternate, no other show I can turn to with that kind of build-up and pay-off for a queer couple, and there probably won’t be in my lifetime. Not unless the TV industry undergoes another monumental evolution similar to the streaming revolution that shifts the incentives back to telling those types of stories again. 

All those shows you want me to displace Supernatural with? None of them can give me the one thing I uniquely wanted (and could have gotten) from Supernatural. THAT ALTERNATE SHOW DOESN’T EXIST. It doesn’t exist. And I have no reason to hope it will ever exist in my lifetime. 

So stop telling me to look somewhere else; you don’t understand what made this one a unicorn. 

***

Addendum: The only other possible show that could perhaps fill this gap is It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (re: Mac/Dennis). But I’m hesitant to say it exactly meets that criteria, for a number of reasons:

1 - It’s far less serialized relative to Supernatural and (except for a handful of stand-alone episodes) very little of the story is grounded specifically in Dennis/Mac’s romantic dynamic (unlike SPN, where it is absolutely central to much of the narrative)

2 - IASIP is fundamentally satirically in nature/tone which makes it much harder to have genuine romantic pathos (not impossible, but harder) 

3 - All the characters on IASIP are fundamentally crummy people who you aren’t exactly supposed to root for. Which doesn’t mean a romance between two of them can’t have its value/charm/worth but it’s not the same as when it is between characters who unequivocally deserve nice things/happy endings

[bowiebond]

Hey Babe, Your Hair’s Alright (Hey Babe, Let’s Stay Out Tonight) - Chapter 2

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39597543/chapters/99122538

Summary: After Eddie is humiliated at graduation by the town who still believes him to be the murderer, he breaks. He recluses. Steve isn't taking his shit for a second, and he's not letting Eddie's fire burn out.

CW: Depression, Lack of Hygiene, very slight disordered eating, Minor Drinking, Self Esteem Issues.

Eddie doesn’t hear the knock at first. He’s become used to tuning out his Uncle’s presence, tucked into the divot he’s made in the mattress. His Uncle has given him some leniency; he’s seen how Eddie reacts over the years to being forced out of his slumps, though they had grown fewer and fewer over time.

They usually didn’t last more than a week, but Wayne had a dreadful knot forming in his stomach every time he had to send those insistent teenagers away. Gareth had understood when Wayne told him Eddie needed space, knowing not to question the days when Eddie wouldn’t come to school at all but show up at practice with a tired smile and a languidness to his notes. He never asked and Eddie never said, but Gareth knew Eddie would laugh it off if he did.

Dustin and Mike were a little pushier, Dustin fuming besides his friend who pleaded with big dark eyes. If Wayne were a weaker man, he may have let them in, but a bunch of kids fussing and making noise in Eddie’s space was not what his boy needed.

Robin had been a snarky, worried mess when Wayne said Eddie wasn’t feeling their movie night on day six. But after catching her eye, standing firm, she deflated and asked him to pass on that she’d be by next week the same time and he better be ready to hang out properly. Wayne promised and she left with a slump in her shoulders.

When day eight rolls around, Wayne wonders if its time to try and rouse the young man, to remind him he has a show at the Hideout two nights from now with his band, the one he usually does every Tuesday, and that he shouldn’t miss it again.

He expects that maybe Eddie will argue with him like he did as a young teen, so full of hormones, but he just stares at him with blank brown eyes and says nothing as Wayne tries to convince him to get up, to eat more. He knows he’s not making contact and can only really sigh when Eddie rolls over and pulls the blanket back over his head.

Eddie was...a special boy. That much he knew. A sensitive boy beneath all the bravo.

So Wayne says goodbye and heads to work, leaving a tenner on the bench in case Eddie wants to leave the house and grab food - though he doubts it. The kid never takes his money anyway, hasn’t dared to since he started making his own pocket money with that rusted old lunchbox of his.

“You barely make enough to scrape by as it is, Uncle, I can take care of myself. Hell, one day I’ll be famous and take care of you, got it?”

Eddie rolled over in his bed and felt his muscles ache from disuse, stretching and promptly sinking back into his pillow. It was easier to sleep through the days then to get up and do stuff. And maybe the constant sleeping only made him sleepier, groggier, but he didn’t care.

Eddie jumped when the knocking got louder, closer, rising his head with a loud groan, glaring at his door. Couldn’t people get the hint? He wasn’t home. He didn’t care if his car was parked out front or his body laying inside this piece of shit trailer, he didn’t have energy to be home and people should respect that.

“Munson, open this goddamn window!” Eddie’s head whipped around in alarm towards the window above his bedside table, Steve Harrington’s perfectly dumb face peaking through the murky plastic window.

“Steve?” He groaned, head throbbing as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He rubbed a hand down his face and pushed his greasy hair from his face. He felt gross, and he probably looked it, and why the hell is Steve Harrington here?

He was tempted to just lay back down and ignore the man, but Steve smacked the window with his palm and pointed at him like a scolding mother, like he knew what he was thinking.

“You open this window right now, I can see you, Munson.” Eddie sighed, long and heavy before forcing himself to sit up properly and stretch his arms across his dresser to unlock the window and pull it up - though Steve seemed to be impatient since he did most of the pushing on the jammed up junk. It only got about half way up before refusing to budge, but it was enough to see Steve’s face clearly. His swooping hair, his furrowed brows, the slight parting of pink lips and the wayward dotted moles on his left cheek and down his neck.

Eddie feels like rotten garbage compared to Steve right now and it’s not helping his self esteem.

“Where the hell have you been, man? You’ve been off the grid for like a week and I only just found out from Dustin.” Steve’s concerned eyes fell to his window sill, hands grasping the edge. He looked like he was contemplating jumping in through his window and Eddie knocked his hands off it.

“Don’t even think about it, you’ll take my whole damn wall with you.”

“Then open the front door next time.” Steve sassed with a quirked brow and an unimpressed purse to his lips.

“Look, I don’t wanna deal with this right now, man, can you just...leave me to wallow in my tarnished pride?” Eddie gestured for him to leave, back to his fancy car and away from Eddie’s grossness.

“I’m not leaving.” Steve crossed his arms, stubborn as a mule. “I heard one of your band mates talking about how you blew off one of their shows last week, and then your Uncle won’t let Dustin check in on you, and you totally bummed out Robin by ditching the movie night you guys have had planned for like two weeks!”

“Yeah well, people are disappointing.” He rolled his eyes. “Surprise surprise, Harrington.“ He knows he’s being a dick, but he’s tired and oily and his headache is only getting worse. He goes to close his window but Steve grabs the frame first and he’s more determined than Eddie right now.

“Ah, ah, ah! Don’t you dare close this window on me. I think I deserve to know what the hell is going on considering nobody will tell me squat, but keeps moaning over your moping to me.” Steve’s eyebrows jump up his forehead expectantly and Eddie just stares.

“...You’re not gonna leave, are you?”

“Nope. I will sit outside your door until you let me in. I don’t have work until tomorrow.” Steve shrugged, acting nonchalant.

“Jesus Christ - fine! Fine, you can come inside.” Eddie grumbled, his fingers sinking into his hair and scratching roughly at the base of his skull. With a few shakes of his hands, he got out of his bed. He was irritated now, and he made it clear in the stomps of his bare feet. He jiggled his lock and roughly yanked it open, waiting expectantly for Steve who was making a pit stop at his car. Eddie tilted his head with a ‘seriously?’ expression as he watched Steve rummage through his backseat. His eyes dipped lower to his backside and knocked his knuckle against the door frame before tearing his gaze away and smacking the frame in frustration.

Could he not be a freak for two seconds?

“Cheer up, I brought a peace offering like a good guest.” Steve showed off a carton of beer with a shameless grin, jogging up the steps of the porch and slipping past Eddie. His front brushes his arm and Eddie flexes his fist, rubbing the base of his middle finger with his thumb, aware of the rings hes missing.

“Dude. You stink.” Steve wrinkled his nose and Eddie rolled his eyes, snatching the carton from his hands.

“You’re a shit guest.” But he brought beer, and Eddie has never craved it more. Steve buys the good shit too, sparing a hearty dime on him, and it makes Eddie’s stomach flutter.

“No, man, I don’t mean to be mean, but its bad.” Steve covered his nose somewhat discreetly. “When’s the last time you showered?”

“Graduation morning.” Eddie shrugged. He can’t give an actually day count, they blurred together at the third one in bed.

“Dude, it’s been a week and a half.” Steve snatched the beer back.

“Hey!”

“Go shower, and then you can drink your sorrows down the drain.” Steve gave a pointed look to his bathroom door - because of course the guy knew where it was after sitting in his shower trying not to gain an infection from demonic bats.

“That’s so much effort...” Eddie breathed, staring at the door.

“Then you can sit in the shower like a toddler, I don’t care. But you need to wash whatever...” Steve squinted at his hair, pointing at the sticky patch that shined in the light. “...that is out of your hair.”

“Tomato.” Eddie wrinkled his nose and tried to run a hand through his hair but caught it on multiple knots. He was starting to regret not brushing it. He spent forever growing it out, it would be a shame to cut it all off because he let it get matted.

“Yeah, no, that shower is mandatory, go.” Steve patted his shoulder and steered him towards the bathroom. “I’ll grab you a towel - where do you keep them?”

“They’re under the sink, its fine.”

“Okay, good, well...” Steve stood there awkwardly, hand still on his shoulder. The silence drags on and Eddie turns his head to look at Steve’s distant expression. Steve snapped out of his daze when he noticed Eddie looking and sighed. “Are you okay, Eddie?”

Eddie chews on the inside of his cheek and forces a smile, but it comes out tired and bitter.

“Yeah. Sure, Harrington. Now get out before I hurt your ego.” Eddie thumbed the waistband of his sweats with a smirk and Steve rolled his eyes with a huff of a laugh, punching his shoulder lightly as he left Eddie to his shower.

Eddie stared at the shower as the door clicked shut behind him.

“You’re such a sad sack of shit.” He murmured to himself as he tugged his shirt over his head and tossed it in the hamper, shimming out of his bottoms. There’s no warmth anymore without his armor, and the shower is cold when he steps under its spray. He lets his thick hair soak up the water, lets the past week and a half seep out of it. His headache eases and the shower heats up slowly as he scrubs his hair. He shampoos it twice before he feels semi-human, lathering it in conditioner after and letting it rest over his shoulder as he scrubs away the grease and dead skin from his body. The steam smells like vanilla and sandalwood - sweet smelling hair care and woody body wash he shares with his uncle. It feels good to be clean, even if his body is exhausted.

He shuts the water off after the fifteen minute mark - he’s usually an in and out kind of guy, but he’s reluctant to leave the warmth of the spray and steam that wraps him up like a hug.

He dried himself off with the only towel that doesn’t make him gag to touch. Not because they’re gross or anything, they’re fine, they just don’t have the right texture and he’d rather jump off a cliff than put himself through that. He’s used the same towel since he was fourteen and he refuses to toss it out even as it gets thinner.

Eddie dried off his hair roughly and wiped himself free of water, skin a rosy pink from the heat. He wrapped the towel around his waist and made quick work of brushing his teeth when he thought too long about how disgusting the inside of his mouth was. Spitting the paste out and feeling fresher, he made his way to his room, licking his lips as he watched Steve pick up his laundry.

“Dude.” He spoke up and Steve jumped, a faded band shirt in hand. He cleared his throat and tossed the shirt into Eddie’s hamper, hands finding his hips.

“Uh, sorry. Habit. Kids, you know, they- they don’t know how to pick up after themselves.” He rocked on his heels and shrugged, eyes flickering over Eddie’s body. He clapped his hands with a nervous laugh. “I’ll uh, I’ll let you get dressed, man.” He tried to step by Eddie like he had at the door, and as per usual, Eddie didn’t move out of the way like he probably should have. Steve’s hand finds his bicep and squeezes as he passes, maybe a reassurance or a nervous gesture, but Eddie appreciates the firm touch.

“Yeah...” Eddie watched Steve make his way to the living room and closed the door behind him slowly. He pushed his bangs back, still damp enough to stick out of the way as he pulled his drawer open. He dropped his towel and shucked on a pair of dark grey sweats along with a Led Zeppelin tee. Majority of his shirts were cheap ones he had made more his style with thread and scissors, or band tees he had got secondhand or saved up for. He cherished every one and wearing the bands he loved made him feel like himself.

Eddie drifted by his bedside table and picked up a ring, playing with it. Feeling the weight, the feel, trying it on and spinning the metal. One by one, he placed each ring where they belonged and gave it a spin to settle it against his skin. He scrounged around for a hair tie, wondering if he had lost his only remaining one until he found it under his tiny bookshelf that he tucked away at the end of his bed. He messily tied his hair back, ignoring the knots for now and just happy to feel it soft and fluffy again.

He took a deep breath and tore his bedroom open, making himself appear bigger and wilder than he felt.

“You better have saved me a beer, Harrington!” Steve jumped at his boisterous entrance, eyes wide as Eddie grabbed a lock of his hair, twirling and tugging, grinning as he practically spun and dipped himself onto the couch, lounging in the space besides Steve. His knee knocked against Steve’s and he began playing with his own loose strands at Steve’s bewildered expression.

“You...look better.”

“Ouch.” Eddie pouted and rubbed his chest as if he had been wounded. “I thought you came here to make me feel better, Stevie, but all you’ve done is insult me. You’ve really lost your touch.” Eddie sucked his teeth absentmindedly, eyes falling upon the beer in Steve’s hand. He heaved himself up to sit properly, stealing one from the carton by Steve’s foot. He twisted it open with the bottom of his shirt and sighed like a content man with his morning coffee.

They drank quietly, Eddie thankful for the quiet, but he could feel the tension in the atmosphere. He’d let Steve decide if he wanted to broach the topic. He got through half the bottle before Steve cleared his throat and leaned his elbow on his knee. Engaging Eddie into a conversation that hadn’t even begun yet.

“Look, I just want to know what happened. I know after the whole...Vecna thing, we didn’t really talk, not like you and Nance or you and Robin, heck even Dustin. I know we aren’t close, but like Jonathan likes to say, shared trauma bonds people. Hell, I care about you, man. A lot of us do. So when you go from making all these plans with people after it was all over to only a few weeks later not talking to anyone, skipping out on your band and your friends, we’re gonna be concerned.”

Eddie brought the lip of the beer to his mouth and held it there, not drinking but mulling over his thoughts. He sighed and let his hands fall into his lap, bottle dangling in his fingers as he tilted his head back against the couch.

“So Dustin really didn’t tell you. No one did?” He lolled his head to face Steve who only shook his head, turning to face him more. Elbow on the back of the couch, knee bumping his thigh and giving him his full attention. Hell, Eddie might have blushed. Probably did by the warmth tingling his cheeks.

He turned his face away as not to get lost in those concerned doe eyes. He stared at the ceiling and heaved a sigh. His chest felt heavy.

“Just good old school public humiliation. Got reminded that everyone in this town hates me, and that I...” Eddie swallowed through the ache, tonguing the upper right of his lip. “...really am...just a freak.” It comes out in a whisper, those last three words and he allows himself to turn his head to take in Steve’s expression, his own brown eyes big and sad.

All he gets is the most earnest response he thinks he’s ever heard out of Steve The Hair Harrington.

“You’re not a freak, Eddie.” He shakes his head subconsciously like he truly means it, baffled that Eddie would think so of himself. Somehow he gets even closer, a pained pinch in his brows. “You’re all kinds of fucking weird, but you’re not a freak. At least, not in a bad way.”

Eddie puckered his lips and moves his head away in an ‘aw shucks’ gesture.

“Flattery works wonders on me, Stevie.”

“I’m serious, man. You’re a good guy. Your freakiness saved our asses back in the Upside Down. El’s definitely not normal, you think we care? None of my friends are normal.” Steve huffed a laugh, looking away and placing his beer down on the coffee table. He placed those cool fingers on Eddie’s shoulder, encouraging the other to look him in the eye.

“You never let that shit bother you before. Why care now?”

“Because...I want people to like me.” And that’s the truth of the matter, isn’t it? He wanted people to like him when he was a kid, wanted his mother to like him, but when he realised he couldn’t have that, he threw the notion out of the window and decided he would just be himself. Loud and impulsive and nerdy. For a long time, it worked. He was able to convince the fellow losers that there was pride in being freaks.

But being on that stage, seeing how many people genuinely hated him, despised who he was, it cut too deep. Everyone wants to be liked, don’t they? Everyone wants to be loved and Eddie - Eddie isn’t sure if has ever been. If he ever will be. Sure, his Uncle loved him, but there was obligation there, his Uncle was naturally a kind person. He wouldn’t kick his own nephew onto the street.

“Eddie, people do like you.” Steve furrowed his brows, blinking in his confusion. “Your band, the kids, Nance, Robin, they all like you. They all consider you to be their friend. I just told you I think you’re great.”

“And I appreciate it.” Eddie smiled stiffly, patting Steve’s knee. “But I don’t really understand why. I get why people hate me. I don’t get why they like me though.” Eddie slowly stood up and finished off his beer in a few heavy swallows. He clanked it against the table with an exhale.

“It was nice. That you visited. But you can tell everyone I need some time away from...everything.” Eddie made a move towards his room, but Steve stands up too quickly and they collide, Steve gripping his arm.

“No.”

“No?” Eddie quirked a brow.

“No.” Steve reiterated. “You don’t get to just avoid the world because you’re sad. You think not going and doing the things you love, is going to make you happier?”

“It won’t make me happier.” Eddie admitted. “But it will be easier.”

“Tough shit. I’m not letting you wallow in that frankly disgusting room for another week and a half. You have to go to practice, you have to do another campaign, you have a movie night to attend - you have friends and promises to keep. You’re a graduate now, you have to start thinking about what you want to do, or apply for work so maybe you can take that guitar and get the hell out of this town. You have a life to live, Eddie, and you can’t waste it by holing up in this trailer forever.”

“That...was a magical speech, Harrington. Truly.” Eddie nodded his appreciation. “But I am tired. And I think I’d like to take a nap before I even think about the big, bad world.” He clapped a hand against Steve’s shoulder and stepped around him.

“Eddie-”

“A nap, man.” Eddie didn’t spare him a glance. “Lock the door behind you.” His door clicked shut and he tuned out the outside world as he crawled back into bed.

Steve doesn’t come after him, he isn’t sure how he feels about it, but it’s easier.

Everything is easier when you give up, it seems.

[robertreich]

The Anti-Family Party

Last Thursday, 39 million American parents began receiving a monthly child allowance ($300 per child under 6, and $250 per child from 6 through 17). It’s the biggest helping hand to American families in more than 85 years.

They need it. Even before the pandemic, child poverty had reached post-war records. Even non-poor families were in trouble, burdened with deepening debt and missed payments. Most were living paycheck to paycheck -- so if they lost a job, they and their kids could be plunged into poverty. It’s estimated that the new monthly child allowance will cut child poverty by more than half.

But every single Republican in both the House and Senate voted against the measure.

After I posted a tweet reminding people of this indisputable fact, Republican Senator Mike Lee of Utah responded Friday with a perfectly bizarre tweet: "If you're one of the 39 million households receiving their first Child Tax Credit payment today, don't forget that every single Democrat voted against making it larger.”

Hello? Did we just go through the funhouse mirror?

In point of fact, when the American Rescue Plan was being debated last February, Lee and Senator Marco Rubio did propose slightly larger payments. But here’s the rub: They wanted to restrict them only to “working parents.” Children of the unemployed would be out of luck. Yet those kids are the poorest of the poor. They’re most at risk of being hungry without a roof over their heads.

In a joint press release at the time, Lee and Rubio said they refused to support what they termed “welfare assistance” to jobless parents, warning against undercutting “the responsibility of parents to work to provide for their families.” Then Lee, Rubio, and every other Republican voted against the whole shebang – help for working and non-working parents. And now Lee wants to take credit for wanting to make the payments larger to begin with? Talk about both sides of the mouth.

As we move toward the gravitational pull of the midterm elections – and polls show how popular the monthly child payments are -- I expect other Republicans to make the same whopper of a claim.

But underneath this hypocritical Republican rubbish lie two important questions. The first: will a payment of up to $300 per child every month – totaling up to $3,600 per child per year – invite parents to become couch potatoes?

That seems doubtful. Even a family with three kids under six would receive no more than $10,800 a year. That’s way below what’s needed to pay even subsistence expenses, and still far below what a full-time job at the federal minimum wage would pull in.

But even if the payment caused some parents to work a bit less, it’s far from clear their children are worse off as a result. Maybe they benefit from additional parenting time. 

Which only raises a second question: should children be penalized because their parents aren’t working, or are working less than they would without the child payment?

This question has been debated in America for many years – ever since Franklin D. Roosevelt first provided “Aid for Families with Dependent Children” (AFDC) in the Social Security Act of 1935.

It can’t be decided based on facts; it comes down to values. We know, for example, that child poverty soared after Bill Clinton and congressional Republicans ended AFDC in 1996 and substituted a work requirement. Many people – myself included – look back on that decision as a horrible mistake.

But many of its proponents call it a success because it resulted in additional numbers of poor adults getting jobs and thereby setting good examples for their children of personal responsibility. In the view of these proponents, a country where more parents take responsibility to provide for their children is worth the collateral damage of a greater number of impoverished children.

Since the 1990s, the Republican view that public assistance should be limited to families with breadwinners has taken firm hold in America. Only now, with the American Rescue Plan -- put into effect during the worst public health crisis in more than a century and one of the fiercest periods of unemployment since World War II -- has that view been rejected in favor of a universal family benefit.

It’s too early to know whether this about-face is permanent. The Act’s payments will end a year from now unless Congress passes Biden’s proposed $3.5 trillion addition. Almost every Senate Democrat has signaled a willingness to go along. But here again, not a single Senate Republican has signed on.

Let’s be clear. Mike Lee’s Republican Party – the putative party of “family values” – doesn’t support needy families. It supports a pinched and, in these perilous times, unrealistic view of personal responsibility -- children be damned.