#need to make her claw even bigger imo

[hellagator]

Vince the scene Megaraptor!

[aanoia]

your taylor swift song imagines give me life so I HAD to request one. Can you do something to Timeless from Speak Now TV with either james, sirius, or remus? whichever one you see fit!

I'm so happy I give you life ;) I chose James bc deep down I'm a James girl and it just fit best with him imo. I hope you like it!

Timeless

James Potter x reader words; 2230 song; Timeless by T Swizzle (TV, duh) alright y'all, this one might get a little confusing. Let me break it down for you. italics is lyrics (and two other super small things, you'll know it when you see it), italics and bold is memories, there's two memories split into three parts total, when the story starts saying would that means thats what would happen if it did, yk. You and James do die, I just wanna make that clear. if you love a song, the marauders, and my writing, request a song fic and your wish shall be my command. now, i have two things. one, you can give me requests anyone in the marauders era btw, not js the actual marauders (i'll even accept Peter because i like to think he never became evil and was always just shy little Peter). Second, GIVE ME PREFERANCES PLS they'll be good fillers for in between longer fics so please pls pls i rly want sushi rn anywho HAVE FUN

Down the block there's an antique shop

And something in my head said "stop", so I walked in

Y/n quietly walked into the small antique shop and the woman at the counter smiled kindly at her. She smiled back and gave her a small nod before looking around the shop. It was much bigger than it looked on the outside, so she assumed an enlargement spell was used on the inside. There were loads of trinkets across the many shelves, big and small.

On the counter was a cardboard box

And the sign said photos 25 cents each

Y/n’s eyes caught a bright white sign with bold red letters, “Photos 5 knuts per” she walked over to the table, curious. She thumbed through the pictures, all of them were old, as they were dusty and black and white.

Black and white saw a 30s bride and

Two lovers laughing on the porch of their first house

I smiled as I pulled out a picture of a man and woman. The man was in a nice suit, a bright happy smile on his face as he held the hand of a woman with a beautiful wedding dress on, her smile matching his. They seemed to be laughing in the picture, radiating pure joy. I turned the picture around and read the pen, “Just married! 7/24/36”

The kind of love that you only find once in a lifetime

The kind you don't put down

As Y/n flipped through more pictures, her mind wandered to James. She saw them in these pictures, together no matter the circumstance, with bright smiles on their faces and laughs leaving their lips. They’d be hopelessly in love in any universe, and she knew it.

And that's when I called you, and it's so hard to explain

But in those photos, I saw us instead

“Oh, did you stop by the antique shop?” Y/n’s mom asked as she walked in through the door, a small bag in my hand. 

Y/n nodded with a smile, “I did, it’s pretty cool in there. I’d love to talk more but I need to write James a letter.”

Her mom laughed, “All right, you go, don’t take too long though. Supper will be done soon.”

And somehow I know that you and I would've found each other

In another life you still would've turned my head

James looked up from his desk as a loud pecking noise was made on his window. He smiled as he saw his girlfriend's owl, banging his beak against the glass of his window with a letter tied to his leg and his claws clutching onto a brown package. James opened his window and let the owl in, petting him gently and placing a few pellets on the window cill for him to munch on. 

James opened the letter quickly, pausing as two black and white photos fell out. He furrowed his brows at the photos and his eyes flitted to the package. He grabbed it and untied the string, opening it quickly to find an old book, a few specks of dust on the front. He laughed to himself at the randomness and began actually reading the letter.

Even if we'd met on a crowded street in 1944

And you were headed off to fight in the war

“Off to war?” Y/n would’ve said, a laughing tone in her voice.

James would’ve nodded with a smile, “Yes. But we could write to each other, we could court and then once the war is over we’ll get married!” He‘d say excitedly.

Y/n  would have laughed, “Of course we will.”\

You still would've been mine

We would've been timeless

James would’ve been hanging halfway out of the train, the only thing keeping him in being his friends as he waved to the love of his life.

“I love you!” She’d shout and he’d blush.

“I’ll see you later, love! Don’t miss me too much!” He’d yell back, blowing her a kiss before he was forced back on the train.

I would've read your love letters every single night

And prayed to God you'd be coming home all right

“Oh, Y/n, don’t be ridiculous. James will be fine, I’m sure.” Lily would tease, smoothing down her skirt as she sat on the bed next to her best friend. 

“That’s easy for you to say, Lils, he’s not the love of your life. I don’t know what I’d do without him.” She’d say, setting his latest letter into a box that held all the other ones.

“Y/n, have faith in the man. He’s strong, he’ll make it.” Lily would persist and Y/n would nod with a sigh.

And you would've been fine, we would've been timeless

She’d run to James at the train station and he’d drop his bag and hold his arms out, catching her in an embrace and spinning her around. She’d laugh joyfully, thankful the love of her life was finally home. 

“Oh, I’m so thankful you’re okay.” She’d whisper and he’d kiss her cheek. 

“I’m thankful to be back with you, beautiful.”

'Cause I believe that we were supposed to find this

So even in a different life

You still would've been mine

We would've been timeless

James smiled at her idea, quite liking it himself. He loved listening, or in this case reading, about all her ideas. He knew how much her mind ran wild, thinking of every possibility for every little thing, and he loved it. He loved being a part of it. 

I had to smile when it caught my eye

There was one of a teenage couple in a driveway

Holding hands on the way to a dance

And the date on the back said 1958

James picked up one of the pictures and smiled at the couple, still in their wedding attire, holding hands tightly on a porch. He set the photo down, it not being the one he was looking for, and picked up the other one. He gazed at the two teenagers, almost imagining them as himself and Y/n. He could see it, and he remembered what it was like taking her to the Yule Ball. How beautiful she looked in her dress.

Which brought me back to the first time I saw you

Time stood still like something in this old shop

I thought about it as I started looking 'round

At these precious things that time forgot

Y/n and Lily walked into the train station together, hand in hand, happy to have made a friend before they even arrived at Hogwarts for their first year. Y/n giggled as Lily told her a story about one of her friends, Severus, and promised to introduce the two to each other. Y/n suddenly paused and Lily looked over, concerned.

“What is it?” Lily asked and Y/n pointed to a boy who was messing around with two other boys.

“He’s-” She paused, trying to find the right word. “Beautiful.” Lily laughed loudly and Y/n snapped her head to the side, “What?”

Lily shrugged, shaking off her laughter. “Nothing, nothing.”

That's when I came upon a book covered in cobwebs

Story of a romance torn apart by fate

Hundreds of years ago, they fell in love like we did

And I'd die for you in the same way

If I first saw your face

James looked at the book he had unwrapped and silently read the title. He hummed thoughtfully and opened the cover, leaning back slightly at the dust that filled the air. He smiled at the dedication the author gave. 

“To the love of my life. We, my dear, are timeless.” He read out loud softly. 

In the 1500s up in a foreign land

And I was forced to marry another man

You still would've been mine

We would've been timeless

“James.” Y/n would’ve said, running to him and hugging him after they were finally alone. “I don’t know what to do.” She’d cry softly as he rubbed her back gently.

“It’s okay, we’ll figure it out.” He’d say quietly, being equally as lost as her.

I would've read your love letters every single night

And run away and left it all behind

You still would've been mine

We would've been timeless

“Do you have everything?” He’d whisper outside the castle and Y/n would nod, handing James one of the bags.

“I do. Let’s go.” She’d say and throw the bag over the back of her horse, making sure it was secure as James would do the same. They’d share one last kiss before mounting their steeds and riding away as quickly as possible. By the time the castle woke up and realized the princess was gone, it’d be too late.

'Cause I believe that we were supposed to find this

So even in a different life

You still would've been mine

We would've been timeless

James laughed at her story, setting down the letter and glancing at her owl who hooted softly, waiting for something to return back to his owner. James pet the owl again before pulling out a piece of parchment, his quill, and an ink well, and immediately started writing back.

Time breaks down your mind and body

Don't you let it touch your soul

It was like an age old classic

Y/n smiled as the familiar pecking of her owl reached her ears. She rushed to her window and opened it, petting her owl gratefully and pulling the letter off his leg. Y/n sat down on her bed and practically ripped open the letter.

The first time that you saw me

The story started when you said hello

In a crowded room a few short years ago

It was third year, in the Great Hall. Y/n had spent the last two years of her life pining after the one and only James Potter, who barely even glanced at her. At least, that’s what she thought. But that couldn’t have been farther from the truth. 

“Just go talk to her already, Prongs.” Remus said quietly, patting his friend on the shoulder. 

James shook his head, “No way. I couldn't.”

“Why not?” Peter asked.

“Because Peter, she’s perfect. She’s beautiful, has perfect grades, I mean, she’s probably the smartest witch I’ve ever known, minus my mom. She’d never like someone like me.” He explained and Sirius rolled his eyes.

“Dude, you’re hot. That’s all you need, now go.”

And sometimes there's no proof, you just know

You're always gonna be mine

We're gonna be

“Hi, Y/n.” James said, standing awkwardly as the girl turned around awkwardly.

“Oh, hi, James!” She said, a small blush painting her cheeks.

“Okay, bye, Y/n.” He said, walking off and cursing to himself for messing it all up like that.

“Uh, bye, James?”

I'm gonna love you when our hair is turning gray

We'll have a cardboard box of photos of the life we made

And you'll say "Oh my"

“Aha, look what I found.” James would have said to his wife, pulling out the pictures she had sent him many, many years ago.

“Where did you find those? Did you find the book too?” She would’ve asked, a smile on her face as she would look at them. 

James would’ve shook his head, “Nope, no book. I’m not sure where that went. I found the letter though.” He’d say and pull it out as well. Y/n would smile as she reread her words.

“Oh wow, I’m such a sweetheart.” She’d say with a laugh.

“Not much anymore.” James would tease and Y/n would’ve hit his arm. “See what I mean.”

We really were timeless

We're gonna be timeless, timeless

You still would've been mine, we would've been

“Come on, Harry. I saw this shop when I was going on errands with mum.” Ginny said, pulling her boyfriend into a cute little antique shop. Harry looked around in awe at the shop.

“Why, hello there, young ones.” The lady at the front said, a warm smile on her face.

“Hello, ma’am.” Harry greeted and Ginny smiled at the old woman. 

Even if we met

On a crowded street in 1944

Still would've been mine

You would've been

“Look, pictures.” Ginny said, pulling Harry over to look through them. They sifted through them silently before Ginny pulled one out. “Harry, these look a lot like your parents.”

Harry grabbed the photo and inspected it closely, “They… they are my parents.” His eyes widened as he looked at the cost of the photo. The sign had bright red ink on it, “photo’s 5 knuts per”.

The lady at the front smiled when Harry placed the picture on the counter. She gazed at the photo and shook her head with a laugh.

“I remember when she first walked in here. Ah, it was such a long time ago. She bought a few of these and an old book, and two weeks later she brought him in. They were such a sweet couple. I wonder how they’re doing now.” The woman reminisced as she took the knuts from Harry.

Harry smiled at the woman, holding back tears, “Yeah, I wonder too.”

Down the block there's an antique shop

And something in my head said "stop", so I walked in

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@loving-and-dreaming @1lellykins @poetrypirate

[justagirlsearchingforamuse]

Since you guys enjoyed my male cyberpunk romance options post, I decided to finally get to work on the female/non-binary ones. So first of all, let's start it off with our main girls, Judy and Panam. I plan on doing a part 2 and currently working on the part 2 for the boys.

1st. Judy Alvarez:

I enjoyed her romance quite a bit and love her as a character and I believe since we don't have any lore for her or anything that convinces me otherwise that she should be bi. I think she should be strictly for female/non-binary V with and more feminine features.

I feel that she should've had her own ending and not one that ties into Panam's, one where you decide to leave Night City with her, and or I would've enjoyed it if you could've taken any one of your serious romance options out of town. I feel that an ending with V deciding to call up Judy and there is an option to pack up your things, at least your weapons and clothes and just leave to the next city over. It ends up with you helping Judy and packing up your things in her van, Judy decides to drive and asks you where do you plan on going, you can choose from 3 options. 

The first choice you can say anywhere and that you don't care, you just want to live your final moments with Judy. The second choice should be something like Atlanta to see your family and or to wherever Judy used to live in the past. The last choice you can choose to give Judy some money to leave town and say to wait for her in the next town over so it can lead to you choosing whether to go with Hanako's plans or Johnny's. I can imagine the last ending resulting in Judy being seen,   arguing years later to keep your stuff when she's selling some of her old things. She ends up fighting to keep the necklace that V is always seen with and she wears it, it ends with Judy entering her van and promising to never forget you.

Also, I believe that she and most of the serious romance options should have at least one quest where you can go on a date with your partner, I believe hers would be you helping her with Clouds. Though it's not much of a date, you insisted on helping her fix things, and you guys spend most of your time trying to protect Clouds from The Tyger Claws who end up trying to attack again. It ends with Judy losing hope in Clouds, almost wanting to give up on the place but you can choose to convince her to keep fighting for Clouds. Or to give up and just sell the place and let all the hard work you guys did go to waste. If you choose the first, it leads to Judy promising to come up with more things and saying how she'll make some calls to some more people. The first choice ends with you both making out and you falling asleep at her place after she orders pizza and watches a few movies with you.

The second choice ends with Judy being hopeless and asking to be alone for the moment, ruining the date almost and putting a small dent in your relationship.

I believe that Judy is pretty well developed for a love interest and as a character, she stands strong on her own and is an interesting character who fits well with V. I enjoy their relationship as I do with most of the relationships which are very adult in the way that V tries not to rush things and doesn't promise their love interests the world. The love interests have their own lives and don't act like a bunch of teens or young adults, trying to make drama out of something small. They respect V, they add more to V and give V another reason to keep fighting, another reason to want to live, to get the damned chip out of their head.

Also, I want more Johnny and Judy interactions in the sense that I want to hear more of his thoughts on Judy and hear how he feels about V and them being together. He doesn't seem to hate her and maybe even would like to see that if you romanced Judy and did the Temperance ending he tells only her or your romance interest that you're gone. Well, he does it vaguely or sends your romance interest an anonymous email, vaguely stating that V is gone and that they disappeared/passed. Judy I feel would react in confusion as well as emotionally, she's nearly crying in the voicemails and is talking about the email or voicemail Johnny sent and is asking where are you.

2nd. Panam Palmer:

I like Panam Palmer as a character and I feel that her quests do explore a lot of the nomad lifestyle, her quests explore more about the people of the nomad lifestyle. I feel that she should've been bi and I was hoping that she and Evelyn were the 2 bi options because literally in my first playthrough was worried I was gonna romance her. Cause she was flirting a lot from what I saw and thought that you'd be able to romance her during the sandstorm. I feel she should've been bisexual or pansexual along with Evelyn.

I feel she should be able to be easily romanced by male/non-binary V with a more masculine appearance and she should've been a little harder to get with by a female V/non-binary V with a more feminine appearance. Also, is it just me but I wasn't a big fan of her sex scene, imo I feel they should've changed the sex scene to possibly happening during the sandstorm or after V confesses to dying. Or even them making out in the big ass tower before being interrupted by Saul. Also, wouldn't have minded learning more about Panam in terms of hobbies, like I would've loved it if she was a singer or was a decent guitar player. I also would've enjoyed scenes where we actually just chill with the Aldecaldos and like chill by the campfire or help out with some of their everyday problems, etc.

I like her but I didn't feel a seriously deep connection to her like I did with the other 3 romance options, I wish they added more depth to her and more of a serious tone to her. I do like the more serious tone towards the end and how her path explored being a nomad, what it means to have family, etc.

I do wish everyone in terms of romances had as many quests, depth, and just effort put into but her path is decent just not my favorite personally.

I feel she and Evelyn should've been the main bi options, she should've been easier to get with a male' V but also should've been able to date fem' V. The paths should've been similar or even show Panam having fem' V be her first-ever official girlfriend, show a new side to Panam with fem' V. I would've seeing Panam being a little shy and or a bit reserved around fem' V, I would've enjoyed seeing her hesitate a bit first before having her first kiss with V. I would've also enjoyed love scenes for bi characters being kinda different in the sense that I would've enjoyed Panam and male' V's love scenes to be raw, a bit filthy, and Panam is not holding back. Maybe it's just me but I disliked her love scene with all the green and all the switching really turned me off tbh. I would imagine Panam and fem' V have a love scene either being in a tent or during a quest in which fem' V and her share some beers, look at the stars, and relax.

Her love scene with fem' V would show a more gentle, natural, and aesthetic kind of scene, a lot of kissing, Panam going down on you, you kissing/nibbling on Panam's ear whilst you slip your hand in between her legs. It ending with Panam's arm wrapped around you and you wake up to the morning sun above you.

I feel another quest she should've had was you and V (Doesn't matter what gender) could've gone out on a road trip all around the badlands and you guys just have a good time together. Blasting music and making fun of each other's music, drinking beers, turning up to some music, and you both kissing in the backseat much to Johnny's annoyance. 

3rd. Evelyn Parker:

So I feel she should've been the main female bi romance option and she should've held a much bigger part in the story, becoming either a replacement for T-Bug if she dies in your playthrough or just finding out about her. She at first could be bitter towards you considering how you treated her in the beginning or she can come off as distant and wanting nothing to do with you at first. She wants to run from you and talks about leaving Night City with Judy, how she needs a fresh start. Similar to Judy, she stays because of how close she's grown to you, because of how it's hard to leave you to your inevitable death all alone, she finds it hard to leave you after I'd say her first 3 or 4 quests. She'd be one of the mysterious and harder romances to get, considering that at first, V thinks Evelyn wants someone who can help her and help her solve her problems. But in reality, she wants someone who will have her back, someone she can trust, someone who will make her life worth living.

I'd imagine she'd have about 3 to 5 quests and 2 of those quests lead to a romance, her quests would be about finding The Woodsman, getting rid of him, taking care of T-Bug, etc. I'd imagine that her romance starts in her second or third quest, she doesn't quite trust you yet but she's finding herself falling you all the time.

One of her missions would probably be her either taking you out to a really expensive bar or something where it ends with a love scene that progresses to the car if you're male' V. But if you're fem' V I feel the love scene would progress to her apartment, Evelyn pegs me as being kinda kinky but nothing like Meredith who broke the kinky scale. I'd imagine in the love scene with fem' V she'd be choking you a little bit, caressing your face and she's in control this time, you eat her out, she fingers you right before you come before fucking you from behind with her fingers. She's also making you suck on her fingers. It ends with fem' V waking up to Evelyn rushing out of the door, saying she has business to take care of and that she enjoyed last night and would later text you asking to meet up at her apartment. She asks if you want something serious and you can choose what you want your relationship to be, if you choose something more serious she ends up giving you a key to her apartment. 

Male' V love scene would have Evelyn being more submissive but more like a power bottom, she gives male V' oral which leads to you fucking in the backseat of her car in the missionary position. Leads to her riding you until you both come. She'd be pulling on your hair, she'd grab your hand and make you choke her for a little bit, she's kissing on your neck a lot, etc. It'd end with Evelyn lighting up a cigarette and asking if you'd take her home, you take her home and it ends with you kissing her before she goes home and asks you to call her in the morning. This leads to her calling to ask you if you want something more serious or something less than serious with the first option ending up with you getting a key to her apartment.

She'd play a decent role in the game, actively working towards getting the chip out and getting things back to the way they were. I imagine in one of the endings specifically The Temperance ending, she'd be one of the few to know that Johnny took over and it ends with her begging Johnny to give her a response, to tell her something. I'd imagine Johnny is fine with her at least after a while but at first, he's not gonna be too nice to her.

4th. Meredith Stout:

She could remain simply a one-night stand but what I would enjoy is being able to initiate either phone sex or be able to meet up with these one night stands again. But she also could have a few more quests, maybe some that revolve around her missions she can't get done without you and it leads to V wanting to romance her and wanting something more serious. Call me a bitch but I personally can't see Meredith wanting or feeling as though a relationship would be right at this point in her life. To me, Meredith from our first interactions come off as kinda manipulative and a bit unhinged when things don't go her way, maybe V helps kick her entitled and stuck up habits. Makes her realize how she sees people who don't have as much as beneath her is a terrible way to see people and a terrible way to think.

Or you could just screw around with her and help each other with whatever missions and shit like I'd imagine that she'd be apart of the endings or plays a similar role to Alt being able to help you take down Arasaka. I'd imagine if you romanced her or made a big impact on her she'll agree but if you are just fuck-buddies and or haven't completed all of her quests then she'll hang up or say she can't. If you do she manages to get militech and what not to help as reinforcements to help you in some way so you can get to Mikoshi in one piece or at least help you most of the way. But the endings still are the same but in the credits, she talks about how she hasn't heard from you and how she just wants to know if she's alive. She says she respects if you just want to be gone off the face of the earth.

Sorry Meredith stans but I can't see her being too serious with you if so then she's gonna spend time bettering herself before she delves into a serious relationship with you. But I'd imagine if you did have an impact on her, in The Sun ending/Path Of Glory she'll be in your bed and she'll be a bit kinder towards you and you'll have relationship problems.

5th. Misty Olszewski:

I love her as a character and how sweet she is, I feel that she could've had a deeper relationship with V, and them becoming best friends could've also been a good thing. She gives me pansexual vibes very much and will be willing to date all V's just treat her with love and respect. But I do feel that if you were able to romance her, the relationship would happen almost like a one night stand or something, maybe you both get drunk and sex happens. I feel Misty would feel as though she's betraying Jackie and being with you, which makes things complicated and weird. If anything I feel she'd be included in DLC as a more serious romance option, any DLC where Misty has time to process Jackie's death and has time to grieve. Any DLC that is later on or caters to an ending such as maybe the Nomad ending or The Sun ending perhaps.

First of all, she'd have like 3 or 4 quests where you just try and grieve with each other and or just be good friends, I'd imagine that one of the quests would be you suggesting teaching her how to swim or something because something tells me she wouldn't know how. Misty comes off as shy but open to try it if you give her enough encouragement and make her feel like things will be fine. You both go hang out somewhere out of town and end up going swimming and you teach her, but maybe something happens similar to Judy with the relic where you end up fainting or passing out. She ends up saving you miraculously and expresses how she feels like she's losing you and how she feels you're withering away from Night City. It results in Misty taking you back to your apartment, insisting you rest and try and get some sleep but you can insist on her staying and if she does, she ends up sleeping in bed with you and a kiss happens. She ends up pushing you away or the night after and saying how it's not fair to Jackie. How she enjoys your company but things feel better with you guys being friends, insisting that it was wrong to have a romantic relationship just sometime after Jackie passed.

I imagine things with her can end up being weird and awkward for a little bit afterward but she remains your good friend and she genuinely worries for you a lot, she won't play too big of a role in the game. But would play a similar role to Judy, I'd imagine that if you didn't romance anyone but her or if you romanced Judy, you'd be able to pick her to take along with you in the Nomad ending.

She'd be apart of the small list of romance options/good friends you'd be able to take with you in the Nomad ending.

She's really sweet though and you learn about her insecurities, learn more about her relationship with Jackie and how he planned on teaching her how to swim, he planned on getting her a beagle or finding her a dog. You learn a lot about Jackie and her and she's a really good friend of yours who wants to take things slow and make sure things are great when you start a more serious romantic relationship.

6th. Claire Russell:

She should've been a romance option or at the very least a ons, she might be straight but I'd say she gives off strong bi or pansexual vibes, she'd date any kind of V regardless of gender. I'd imagine that sometime after you murder the corpo cunt who killed her husband, she calls you up asking for a drink or asks you to meet up at her garage. She expresses how she thought she'd feel better after hearing he's dead but she feels the same, you both get a bit drunk and talk about past relationships and struggles. You both end up dancing to some music and it leads to you both slow dancing and if you play your cards right then you'll end up being able to kiss her. Claire and you both end up on the couch in her living room and you both have a grand time, I imagine she kisses you a lot, gives you plenty of praise in between sex, and she gave you some oral.

Afterward, I can imagine she wants to be with you but she needs a little more time to just enjoy being alone, dealing with Dean's death and such. Also, she talks about cars a lot and you can find her at her garage fixing up Beast and you can talk with her about fixing up your cars and anything like that. She doesn't play a huge role but she'll call you and you can call her before the final mission, similar to River you don't tell her what's up and you tell her how you'll always be her biggest fan. How you want her to keep racing and keep living her best life, she gets a little suspicious but can't put her finger on why you're saying all this. In the credits, she keeps saying how you won't answer and how she just wants to get a text or something, saying how you disappeared and how she really wants to see you.

Also, she gives me very much into working out and homegirl stopped working out a while ago because she had little to no motivation to do so. But when meeting you, she'll text you pics of her at the gym, her muscles, and saying how she has better muscles so she can cuddle you better.

I'd imagine that she'd be apart of The Sun ending and you both have a decent relationship with her, she expresses how she'd follow you anywhere and to let her know if things are wrong.

In the suicide ending, just as she's calling to find out what happened to you she gets a knock at the door and drops the phone, you can hear Misty and Viktor tell Claire of your death and it ends with her breaking down in tears before she pitches her phone at the wall.

[sweetescapeartist]

MY DBS MANGA CHAPTER 70 REVIEW

We learn in the last chapter that the Cerealian Dragon's name is Toronbo when Granolah speaks Namekian. Toronbo grants Granolah's wish but can't make Granolah stronger than the gods.

Here's the confusion I have... Goku is a mortal beyond GoDs so making Granolah the strongest mortal is making him stronger than gods. If you wanna say Beerus has been training and is now stronger than Goku, there's still a problem. It was said that Goku and Vegeta were stronger than some GoDs right before the ToP (but that might be anime only, so maybe it doesn't apply here). So Granolah is stronger than GoDs no matter what. If the gods that Toronbo is speaking of are the Angels, then that means Granolah is Ultra Instinct level of power since Goku is the lowest in Angel tier. But whatever. Bottom line is Granolah is temporarily stronger than Goku who may or may not be stronger than Beerus.

Granolah gets his wish granted and the cost is shortening his life... cool. Not much to say except let's see how its executed.

(I recently read that in DBXV2, during the Infinite History Saga, Videl is enchanted with Towa's Dark Magic spell by Dabura shaving off her life but granting her greater power. So granting power at the cost of lifespan has been done in DB before. Not in canon but in the games.)

Also, Granolah's life being shortened to 3 yrs got me thinking... Currently it's almost AGE 781 in the DBS manga timeline. Goku leaves to train Uub in AGE 784. We got 3 yrs left. The original manga shows Bulma said she hadn't seen Goku in 5 yrs. How I see DBS is that it is an alternate timeline that just happens to have a similar outcome to the EoZ.

So... why is Vegeta learing from Beerus again if Beerus isn't that strong now? Is Vegeta being like Krillin and continuing his learning from a master weaker than him, but gaining wisdom & knowledge? I-is Vegeta becoming Krillin 2.0?! (More like dollar-store Krillin)

I do think beerus got stronger tho. He seems very confident that Vegeta can get stronger from learning from him. Beerus probably saw Goku get UI then decide to train aftet the ToP

Anyways, Beerus is teaching us about hakai/destruction energy. Its erasing something from existence, not just destroying it (we already knew that). But, Vegeta quickly figures out how to do it anyways. By destroying a tiny pebble...

A tangent again but I personally think Piccolo is capable of easily learning Hakai energy. Think about it. Piccolo can create clothing out of nothing, why could he not do the reverse?

Goku is uninterested in what Beerus & Vegeta are doing. I dont know about you, but it sounds like Goku thinks that he's above Beerus in strength. Beerus & Vegeta aren't considered a challenge to him in any way. Goku sees UI as more important & better than anything Beerus has to teach, and Goku is right. Plus Goku learned Hakai on his own while Vegeta needs Beerus to teach him. It's a waste of Goku's time to learn it again.

(God Comics is funny. I imagine Toribot writes them)

Goku says "Let's see which one of us can be the strongest in the universe!" Really, Goku...? At present time, Goku is the strongest mortal in the universe already. He should know that. Then Vegeta for some reason thinks he will become the strongest in the universe. The last time manga Vegeta was the strongest mortal in the universe was... never. He's always behind Goku or whatever new opponent arises. This scene is meant to be comedic that they're arguing over who will be the greatest but it's not funny to me. And yet Vegeta fans still hold on for hope.

But why is Goku concerned about being the strongest between him & Vegeta? Goku is far above Vegeta. They're not rivals at this point. Also, Goku was the strongest in the universe until just a few moments ago. Goku should be saying "I knew bein' the strongest wouldn't last for too long. Roshi did tell me there will always be somebody stronger out there. Hehe! This is gettin' me excited! I can't wait to meet 'em!" (This would alsp parallel Monaito giving Granolah the same advice Goku already knows.)

Also, I guess Broly isn't that strong after all. Bye Broly, you served your purpose. And to think that Goku had said that he thinks Broly is stronger than Beerus...

Oh yeah. So Vegeta destroys a pebble. Impressive? Goku kinda gives a compliment or he is practically saying "Good job Vegeta! You're doing great following in my footsteps!" Seriously, this would be so much better and cooler if this seperate paths of training began right after the Universe 6 vs Universe 7 tournament. That would be the perfect spot to have them train under Beerus & Whis. [Vegeta using Hakai against Merged Zamasu, Goku able to fight Merged Zamasu temporarily because he is getting better at letting his body move on its own, Toppo & Vegeta using Hakai against each other as Goku & Jiren use power above GoDs. That would work so much better.]

Then Vegeta says he's gonna destroy bigger things soon... is that supposed to be more impressive? Its not. But this it to build up Vegeta even though there is nothing amazing about anything he is doing at the moment. Maybe later tho.

So Cerealians can't grow beards. Also I guess Granolah's race don't age? His hair grew when his lifespan was shortened but he has no wrinkles. It seems that they age more gracefully than Saiyans. If he has some wrinkles he would have looked cooler imo. Or those lines under the eyes at the very least. If the wish shortened his life & made his hair grow, it should have also showed that he aged. (Here's an edit I made of "Grampa Granolah." You're welcome)

And remember Vegeta destroying a pebble? Granolah can suddenly destroy big rocks! Cool right?! No? Its not cool? Showing Granolah destroy a much larger object right afterwards kinda belittles Vegeta's accomplishment.

Oatmil is surprised by a boulder exploding. This means one of 2 things. Oatmil is stupid & never saw an Granolah explode a boulder. Or it's implying that the boulder exploding is some technique Oatmil doesn't know of. Idk how he can tell its any different from just blowing up a rock with ki. I think it's supposed to be destruction energy. If it is then, ok. If getting his wish was so easy, then why can't he suddenly learn destruction as well?

Yay! Monaito! (This really should be a Namekian focused arc)

Granolah reminds me of Zamasu with his attitude a bit. Monaito tells him somebody stronger will definetly appear. Granolah has become like Vegeta and is over confident, so he is destined to get humbled. And think about this. Goku can probably train a bit and surpass Granolah within a week.

Granolah can now sense ki. Meaning he can have the destruction technique or UI, because why not?

Monaito blames himself for Granolah's actions. Its not your fault Monaito! You did nothing wrong! Dont be so hard on yourself.

Whis being a creep and peeping on people lol.

Granolah's hair growing was pointless because he cuts it off soon after. Nothing changed visually. This kinda reminds me of how Moro lost his arm. Goku gave him a senzu, Moro grew it back, & then Moro broke his arm when attacking Goku. Then Moro tore his arm off & reattached his old one. There was no need for Moro to grow his arm back then tear it off. Similarly, there is no need for Granolah to have grown long hair then cut it off.

Maki still brings a smile to my face. She & Gas stand out the most out of the Heeters. Maki's personality is kinda like Zangya combined with a teasing Bulma. Gas reminds me of a Krillin/Piccolo fusion with dreadlocks. I also ship Maki x Gas cause they're short and look cute together. (please don't be siblings so I can draw them together🤞)

Granolah fights Oil & Maki. I'm not impressed. They seem like they could be defeated by Chaoitzu (he's stronger than Raditz and probably Nappa now too). Granolah's movements could be seen as UI. If it is or isn't UI, it doesn't matter. Showing off that kind of power is like Goku using Ultra Instinct during a rematch with Nam or King Chappa. Its not effective storytelling. There had to be a better way of showing Granolah's new strength than making him fight opponents that give him zero challenge.

The art is good as usual and the panel flow is nice. Toyotaro is improving at creating the illusion of motion. The environment being used in the fight was smart and a good visual. Toyo still uses a ton of panels almost every page tho. But he's still a better artist than I am.

Granolah appears to have used Hakai again. Not the explosive variant but the sand variant (yes I think there are 2 ways of using Hakai).

The "Sand Variant" that Beerus & Goku (& maybe Granolah) have used.

The "Explosive Variant" Beerus & Vegeta (& maybe Granolah) have used.

Maki thinks the "Hakai" is magic so that's interesting. I would say I'd like for the next enemy to be a magic user but, we know how Moro turned out... 😓

Maki has "ki claws" & I like the idea but it would be better if she had used it against an enemy she can defeat. It doesn't make her look useful in this fight. Gas seems confident when he is about to fight Granolah, but Elec stops him. Gas would've gotten beaten but it make ya wonder what Gas can do.

Granolah appears to be a person that is easily manipulated and persuaded. He even gave information they weren't even asking for. He'll probably be easily convinced and manipulated by Freeza/the Hedters or quickly have a truce with Goku.

The Heeters plan to go to Planet Cereal to get the Dragon Balls. As I suspected, the Cerealian Dragon Balls were created so that it would be easy for wishes to be granted. Gathering 2 Dragon Balls on a nearby planet instead of gathering 7 on New Namek or Earth. Plus these new Dragon Balls ensures no interaction between Earthlings & Granolah/the Heeters. A perfect way to write Gohan & company out of the story... *sigh* 😔😒

We learn Cerealians live for 2 centuries. How's that compare to other races in Universe 7? Freeza & King Cold apparently can live more than 200 yrs, But that may be because they are mutants. Namekians can live for like 500 yrs & its possible for them to reincarnate themselves too. So in a way, Namekians can live forever. Saiyans stay youthful & live to be in their 80's, but rapidly age when they reach their 60's or 70's. Average Earthlings appear live to be in their 80's or 90's but some are over 100 yrs old (Dr. Briefs, Panchy, & Ox King are in their 90's in GT) and others can increase their lifespan through elixers or the Paradise Herb. Just some thoughts of mine.

Maki says "If he ices Freeza..." Ha, an ice pun. Elec wants to defeat Freeza so he can control his army. Its revealed they wanna kill Granolah & that they worked with Freeza to destroy his planet & race. Well... that more than likely means they're gonna die by Granolah's hand or Freeza's. This info is also an attempt to make the reader more sympathetic for Granolah. Granolah is too bland (pun intended) so I don't feel any more sympathy than I already had for him. Elec plans to make Goku & Vegeta fight Granolah since Granolah hates Saiyans. Smart but we all kinda expected it. Not bad writing tho.

The final panel talks about fate bringing the 3 (Goku, Vegeta, & Granolah) together. Sounds like a repeat of the Broly movie.

We've had 4 chapters in this arc & not 1 panel of Freeza... If Freeza doesnt appear & do something in the next chapter then I will be disappointed in the writing. Showing Freeza here and there would give tension and build up until we get the encounter with him. We also have no idea who Oatmil is. Is he an A.I. or a person? Not that big of a deal yet, but I would like to find out soon. Either show Freeza or tell us more about Oatmil next chapter pleaae

This chapter was like oatmeal (the food not the character) without butter, brown sugar, milk, & honey or raisins. Not bad, but not very good either. 

So here's my thoughts on the things that could or could not happen in this arc.

Goku vs Granolah. I don't care for the fight because the power is at a point that it doesnt make sense for enemies to get to without cheating somehow. The fight will look cool but I have no interest in it.

Vegeta vs Granolah will have Vegeta being stomped as always and Vegeta fans will make excuses & complain how it's not fair. A lot of Vegeta fans often make fun of Yamcha & Krillin for getting beat up even though those 2 bravely fight opponents leagues stronger than they are. Vegeta has gotten stomped by opponents more times than Krillin & Yamcha combined but the fans gotta deflect somehow. I don't care to hear or see the complaining again.

The interaction and dialogue between Granolah & Vegeta is going to be more interesting than their fight. But I worry because Toyo isn't the best at writing dialogue.

I have no reason to care about power growth, certain interactions, or Goku & Vegeta's training.

What I am curious about/want to see?

Monaito's well being. I want him to reunite with other Namekians. But I think he's been set up to die.

Lore about the dragon gods & Namekian lore we probably wont get.

I want Piccolo, Krillin, Gohan, & others will be involved. Piccolo because of the Namekian & wosh granting dragon lore. Gohan because his interaction with Granolah eould be interesting since Gohan is half Saiyan & views himself as an Earthling. Krillin & other Earthlings because they can bring tensions where characters like Goku & Vegeta can't. Those 2 are too strong for there to be any real tension. However Earthlings aren't all powerful so them using wits to survive is more exciting. But I doubt any of their involvement.

How long a Cerealian year is? Is it shorter than a Namekian year? How much time will pass for the Cerealian Dragon Balls to be active? How much stronger than Granolah will Goku get? Hopefully the answers aren't lazy...

Will Beerus finally fight somebody? There are 6 mortals that are near or above his power (Goku, Granolah, Vegeta, Broly, Freeza, Gohan).

Who's the villian of the next arc & what explanation is going to be given for them having power on the level of Angels? Angel tier fights don't sound interesting to me anymore. After those kinds of battles, Goku will have no challengers left.

Will Goku disappear to train or something so the story can TRY to match up with the EoZ?

Will Goten, Trunks, & Marron hit their growth spurts within 3 yrs?

Will we get spin-off manga about other characters? PLEASE!? 🙏

Also DBS moved too quickly when it comes to power. Now we're at the point that Goku & Vegeta need to stop being involved in fights for there to be any actual threat or tension. The Buu saga took place in AGE  774. After training for 4 years of peace, Goku thought SS3 & fusion was his limits as a Saiyan and he was right. Well, kinda... Goku was introduced to god ki near the end of AGE 778. Then in AGE 781, Goku masters Ultra Instinct... He mastered an Angel technique in 2 year or 2.5 yrs. That was waaaay too fast. As a result the storytelling & writing are suffering from this rushed progress. Now we're gonna have an Angel tier opponent? According to the pattern of DBS, Goku's gonna end up surpassing the Angels within 2 or 3 yrs after learning god ki. Thats not impressive for Goku, that's terrible writing. And no, Goku getting this strong so fast is not a benefit to Saiyans either. It just shows us that without god ki, Saiyans ain't all that powerful unless they're the legendary Saiyan like Broly. Saiyans didn't even have a concept of training until Goku was trained by Earthlings. Gohan, Freeza, 17, & I'm pretty sure Piccolo as well have all surpassed SS3 without the help of god ki. God ki makes Saiyans look like they have limits. With god ki, the writing is broken....

I got off topic again... Anyways that's the end of my review.

[harry-sussex]

I have sent this statement to one of the Harry fan blogs claiming that "His family was going to stand by and let his pregnant wife kill herself." This was one of the narratives resulting from the Oprah interview that I really hate. I'm also particularly disappointed that the memoir could possibly result in this narrative being perpetuated further.

Didn't Harry say he didn't tell his family about Meghan's suicidal tendencies? He said in the Oprah interview that he was too ashamed to admit it. So how can his family stand by and let his pregnant wife kill herself when the same family wasn't even informed that Meghan was taking all the criticisms that badly in the first place? I blame the BRF in particular for failing to rally behind Meghan. Little things would have count - an engagement here and there, reports on a jewel from the vault gifted to her or something. Anything to show that she has been embraced fully and has their backing in this criticism barrage from the press. But it's not as if they were told that "Hey, Meghan wants to kill herself" and they replied with "Oh, good to know".

What Harry did to remove his family from the toxicity in the UK (which apparently followed them even to the US) is admirable (although I don't agree with how he went about it) but it's not enough to put him on a pedestal and blame everything on everyone else but him. He knew his wife was taking things badly, couldn't he have sought help from other relatives he trusted? I know Charles and William are probably out of the equation but what about the Queen, Eugenie, his Spencer aunts, Earl Spencer? Harry was influential in the UK as well and there was so much more he could have done other than hugging his wife and letting her cry her eyes out. He has admirably defied royal protocol in defense of Meghan but we have to believe that he couldn't have defied them at the time when she needed it the most to get help for her? To use the words of my favorite baby niece, "get real".

That notion really is disgusting, and I hate that people think it's true. Harry said himself that he was TOO ASHAMED to ask for help for Meghan. There's a lot of context to that phrase that is missing and that I can't be bothered to look up but he did say that, more or less word for word. I took 7 pages of notes when the interview aired. That's what he said. These people are not monsters nor television villains. That's a complete bastardization of what's actually been said to have occurred and they can't do that when they cry every time someone does that to Harry and Meghan. That's horrible. Absolutely horrible.

They told us, too, that the infrastructure of the palace did nothing. While that may very well be true (and disgusting, if it is), the family is not the institution. The family is the boss, sure, but you're telling me that the Queen of the United Kingdom does employee reviews and checks their emails and has that much of a grasp on what's going on? No way, and nor should she. Meghan deserved the help - everyone deserves help - and it's so, so horrible that she didn't get it. I don't know if the infrastructure of the institution could have gotten her the help she needed, but I can one think of one major person who could have, the one whose priority it should have been to do so, and didn't, because he was ashamed, even though he went and got it for himself not three years earlier.

Imagine if she did get that help? What could have been? She'd have been so much happier, so much healthier, could have basked in the joy of her first pregnancy, maybe learned to let the press bullshit roll right off her shoulders. Harry would have finally chilled out and he probably wouldn't be as traumatized as he clearly is now. They could have been at peace much, much sooner - like they both deserve.

And, on a much shallower note, would they have left? My money's on no.

The family needed to do more, and I've always argued that the small things carry much heavier weight than the grand sweeping gestures that some expect. Engagements, jewelry loans, polo matches are much bigger than statements chomping at the bit to go after every single bad article or rumor floating around. I'd have like to have seen more of HM's earrings, for example. Charles and Meghan, Camilla and Meghan, Kate and Meghan engagements. Inviting Meghan to do things privately so it'd leak to the press, because it usually does. Harry and William playing polo while their wives and the gaggle of kiddos sit, chat, and play. Coming out swinging is simply not an option in an institution that is bound to the public and forced to cooperate with the media. Harry, of all people, should know that - but he doesn't. He never learned it. There were things that would have worked for both sides that could have been done to show their support and imo it was not done enough, which is a large part of why they left. Meghan deserved better.

I think he could have consulted anyone, really. When I needed help I certainly didn't call my mom, dad, sister, cousins, aunts and uncles... I googled providers until I found one that I liked, and went with that strategy until one stuck. Granted, I know Prince Harry can't just hire any old random on the internet. But he had a therapist and we know for a fact that he was getting some kind of help. They must have been vetted and proven themselves to work with discretion. You're telling me that they had no recommendations? That the only avenue was to ask a 95 year old woman, her 72 year old son, and the company they essentially work for for help for your suicidal, pregnant wife? Or was it that Harry didn't even do the basic level of research that he could and should have done? Used his connections to do what he had to do for his wife who he dragged into this mess to begin with, clearly without preparing her for what it was really like?

I don't think it's right that the institution didn't have the infrastructure or was otherwise unwilling to help but that's a problem to address after every other alternate avenue was pursued to go get it for her. Then they could have made heads roll within the institution if they wanted. The no. 1 priority should have been getting the help at whatever cost and deal with the bullshit later. Instead, he tried one single avenue, got stuck, and got ashamed, and let it fester until they clawed their way out. I cannot and will not understand how it just... stopped after that first roadblock. You keep going until you find something and then you deal with everything after. The priority should have been the help, not the revenge. And I will never understand why Harry, who very clearly loves his wife more than anything and everything, didn't make sure that happened. I will never understand it.

[hyena-frog]

I personally don't understand people who think that Virginia 'can't win on her own'. As if she has to prove herself or she is 'too nice' and has to learn 'how to violence'. Just because Sevro's solution for everything is cutting some fingers or worse, doesn't mean he is always right or that Mustang's work to keep that balance and play within the designated lines is not badass or interesting. She is the only demokratic ruler and her own people gave her absolute power of decision making to end the war at any cost. What's not great about that!?

If Virginia was indeed 'too nice', she would have perished long ago - last absolute cinnamon roll we saw was Julian and we all know what Society thinks about people like him. Just because she plays by the rules, doesn't mean she has no claws - she wiped a terrorist's memories away for fuck's sake. Now that the rules have been extended, you can bet your ass that she'll take more than one page out of Nero's playbook. After all, she said it herself, she tamed herself, but it's fun to let the lion out.

Agreed 110%! I don't understand people who give Virginia shit in general tbh. I mean, how do you not fall in love with her immediately? How are you not ride or die for her from the get-go? It boggles the mind.

Those arguments, being "too nice" or being unable to win on her own, are reaching and easily debunkable. The lack of reading comprehension. 😒 If you don't like her, then whatever. I may not understand how that’s possible, but it really isn’t necessary to make shit up, you know?

Virginia can't win on her own, huh. The nerve! Where would Darrow be without her? Dead. Many times over. He would have bled out after Cassius stabbed him if Virginia hadn't helped him. And it was Virginia who brought the Howlers back from the Rim weeks in advance of Darrow actually needing them, just in case. So many things would have gone wrong in Morning Star if she wasn't at Darrow's side (and if Ragnar hadn't gone out of his way to make sure she'd be there, the absolute legend).

Perhaps it's Darrow who can't win on his own? But that sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? All of his successes were achieved through teamwork. Darrow acknowledges this many times. It's the same for Virginia. While it's simply not true that she can't win on her own, it’s also untrue that the inability to win on your own is a bad thing. The whole argument doesn’t make any sense.

The idea Virginia still needs to “prove” herself despite doing so plenty of times already throughout the series is frustrating. The fact of the matter is, the success of the Rising relies just as heavily on Virginia's intelligence as it does Darrow's battle skills. The Solar Republic simply wouldn't exist without her. Fitchner never had a clear vision of what "after the Society" would look like and neither did Darrow for a long time. The war effort needs a conscience and a vision for the future, otherwise it's just endless bloodshed. Virginia helps Darrow see beyond the bloodshed. Plus, Darrow has no interest in politics. He'd be the first to admit he’s not good at the slow game of political maneuvering. But Virginia thrives in that environment. In Dark Age, Darrow even admits his current predicament is a consequence of not trusting his wife's way of running the Republic, and he vows never to do that again.

Sure, Virginia doesn't get into physical fights often, especially now that she is Sovereign. But politics is no less perilous a battlefield. I feel like because the political battlefield isn't as flashy and fast paced as a literal one, people forget the constant danger she is in, even before the Senate's betrayal. Silenius' Stiletto is a delicate tightrope act she has to perform every day to drag progress forward while keeping her opponents in check. This requires a level of self-restraint, clear-headedness, and badassery, that no other character can achieve.

Virginia is not "too nice." She is practical. And often, is it practical to play nice. Not every confrontation is best solved through violence Sevro. We all know the line: Virginia is the mustang that nuzzles the hand; people know they can work with her. That’s why the people chose her consistently for ten years, over literally everyone else in the solar system, to run this new government. And her steadfast resolve to gain Imperium legally, to not force her will on the people, proved to them again that she won’t abuse this ultimate power to end the war.

No, Virginia may be reasonable but that doesn't mean she is too nice. If she was too nice, she wouldn't have used her relationship with Cassius to protect her family. She wouldn't have shot Cassius in the throat with an arrow. She wouldn't have promised Ephraim he would "die shitting in a foreign bed" if he skipped about on their bargain to return the kids. She wouldn't have zapped the Duke of Hands' entire personality from his head. Like you said, she never would have made it this far if she was truly toothless. She's practical, and sometimes the practical solution doesn't require violence, but creative thinking.

Speaking of creative thinking, one thing Virginia doesn’t get nearly enough credit for is abolishing the death penalty immediately after Adrius was hanged. That wasn't her being "too nice" or too lenient on her caste. Yes, she feels life in prison is the moral option over the death penalty. But she knows her people. The punishment for the worst criminals in Deepgrave is a Gold's worst nightmare. Life in prison denies a Gold their desire for a glorious death, to be remembered through the ages for their deeds in battle. The Republic's justice system sends a clear message: "Mess with us, and you won't get your notoriety or fame, you'll only get obscurity and shame and sucking algae through a tube until you die naturally of old age." That to me is crueler than hanging.

Virginia’s mind is her greatest weapon, but more than that, her greatest strength is how she applies her intelligence. Her ability to read people, and to communicate, is greatly underappreciated imo. These skills require nonviolent interaction yet they yield great results. There are many examples of this. She used her natural charisma to gain Octavia's trust. She brokered an alliance with the Rim when she thought Darrow was dead. She held the Republic together for ten years despite constant, increasing animosity from the Vox. She refused to torture Lyria and was able to see she was not lying about being an unwitting pawn in the kidnapping scheme and was rewarded with information and a new ally. She figured out exactly what Sefi was planning for Cimmeria, even manipulating the situation to her advantage without Sefi realizing it. She knew Victra was going to bargain with Sefi for the kids, without being told. In her own words, this is simply what she does.

There is a quote in Iron Gold that caught my eye: "Communication is the soul of civilization." (532) Now, this line has nothing directly to do with Virginia. This is Ephraim trying to get a rise out of Gorgo. But it fits Virginia perfectly, doesn’t it? The Republic is able to exist as a civilization because it has such an amazing communicator at its center.

Virginia is such an excellent communicator that she is even able to get parties who refuse to communicate with her initially to reciprocate communication eventually. She convinces Sevro, Dancer, and even Victra to stop freezing her out and work together. She does this by speaking their "language." She knows exactly what to say or what to do to get them to finally listen to her. Revealing she already knows exactly what is going on works for Sevro, providing hard evidence of conspiracy works for Dancer, and proving her actions (showing her scars) works for Victra. This isn't to say she never makes mistakes. She shouldn't have called the Wardens on Darrow, for example, just as Darrow shouldn't have kept the meeting with the Society "diplomats" a secret from her and the Senate. But more often than not, her nonviolent communication skills yield valuable results.

As for Virginia apparently needing to learn how to use violence… While Victra and Sevro’s feelings were justified, their actions at the end of Iron Gold and the beginning of Dark Age were just wrong, wrong, wrong imo. Freezing out Virginia did nothing but delay the return of the kids. It's frustrating to think how much heartbreak could have been avoided if they'd just put their heads together from the moment the kids disappeared. And what exactly did Sevro's rampage through Luna's underground accomplish? Some dead Syndicate thorns, sure. But that tantrum put a huge target on Sevro's back. As Virginia said, one lucky sniper and boom, no more Sevro. What would Victra have done then?

While it may feel like Virginia would have achieved more if she just beheaded some people, she has a responsibility as Sovereign to consider the bigger picture. She has to consider the Stiletto. If the Vox saw her offing some fools it would have added credibility to their smear campaign. The people would have lost faith in her and think she turned into another Octavia. Whoever replaced her could use her actions to justify their own dictatorship. Violence was simply not practical for her until she legally gained Imperium. Now though… 😈

Virginia's over here playing 3D chess while everyone else is playing Connect Four, but this still isn’t enough for some people. After the clone gets the better of her, she gets flack for not being an omniscient god and just knowing her twin brother laid out a plan to clone himself ten years ago. Tut, tut, should have seen that one coming, despite the lack of evidence. If only she’d punched some people. (Can you see I hate this argument with every fiber of my being?)

In Dark Age, Ozgard says this about Electra and Pax: "She is better fighter. He is more dangerous human." (184) Well, Pax gets it from his momma. Pax and Virginia may not be able to throw devastating punches but in many ways, their intellect is what makes them the greater threat to their enemies.

Thank you for the ask!

[dontshootmespence]

Which Fic

I was tagged by @stusbunker and @there-must-be-a-lock!

I’ll do a mix of CM and SPN fics.

Which of your fics���

…did you think would get a bigger reaction/audience than it got?

For SPN, I think Never Saw Blue Like That Before. It’s Destiel, which is obviously a big SPN ship and I was really happy with how it came out.

For Criminal Minds, basically any series I’ve done that isn’t smut. But the three I’m happiest with are Upheaval, a season 13 ender fix it fic.

After a rollercoaster year filled with departing friends, jail time, and one of the most notorious killers the team has ever faced, the last thing anyone needs is this. A truck barrels toward a group of them, leaving their future uncertain, while others stand by unable to help in any way. What crosses their minds when their lives flash before their eyes? Even if the physical injuries don’t kill them, will they be able to recover?

Coercion - Started from a one line challenge.

You are just about to start your new job at the BAU after years of working to get there, when a man you don’t know approaches you with an evil plan and knowledge of every sordid detail of your past. What will you do? Will you give into the man’s demands? Or will you be able to find another way out?

And Caged

Years after Spencer’s wife is kidnapped, there’s a break in her case and she comes home. Or does she? Is she the same woman she was before her ordeal?

…got a better reaction than you expected?

For SPN, it’s probably The Perfect Storm, an Alpha!Sam x Omega!Reader. It has about 260 notes but it was my first ABO fic and I was so fucking nervous about posting it, so I was surprised at the success it had.

For CM, honestly there are a bunch of smuts that I’m like...okay I wrote that and they BLEW UP. Most recently was Phone Calls Be Damned. I wrote it in like 20 minutes...it has nearly 900 notes. I work for ages on some pieces that BARELY get a tenth of that.

…is your funniest?

For CM, a lot of my general CM fics involving the whole team tend to be on the funnier side. I love Prank War, Secrets of the Bullpen, Pics Or It Didn’t Happen and In The Middle of the Night.

For SPN, I don’t have a ton of funny. But I think You Win or You Die is pretty funny.

…is your darkest or angstiest?

For CM, I’d have to go with Candyfloss and Novocaine, which was a collab with the lovely @cherrybombs-and-rabbitholes. 

For SPN, I’m working on what I think will be my angstiest to date, but the current one is Salvation, a Sam x Reader. I don’t really do angst super well. IMO, it’s my worst genre.

…is your absolute favorite?

For CM, it is impossible to pick. After 6 years writing CM, I have 1,000+ fics to choose from. Anything I’ve written as a request to “help” someone or make them feel better about themselves is important to me though.

For CM, it’s a Cas x Reader fic called Beauty In Stillness.

…is your least favorite?

Again, it’s hard to choose with Criminal Minds because I have so many, But I have a couple crossovers that I wrote early on in my writing that I don’t think are that good.

For SPN, it’s probably Searching for Oblivion. It was a Dean smut and one of my first forays into SPN writing. I don’t think it’s awful, but I can do better.

…was the easiest to write?

For Criminal Minds, the easiest to write was probably Passive Aggressive Partnership. I remember that one flowing pretty quickly.

For Supernatural, it has to be Cherry Red.

…was hardest to write?

For Criminal Minds, the hardest thing to write was Article of Faith.

For SPN, the hardest was Teetering on the Edge, another ABO, but I’m SO FUCKING HAPPY with how it came out.

…has your favorite lines/exchange/paragraph? (share it!)

For Criminal Minds, I am proud of a lot, but out of all the stuff I’ve written, a section from chapter 5 of Coercion stands out.

With the floodgates open, you couldn’t stop yourself from screaming. You stood up and got right up into Spencer’s face just as he’d done to you. Hotch had gotten up from his seat, thinking you were going to attempt to hurt Spencer, but you couldn’t Of course they couldn’t believe that under the circumstances. “I’ve been beaten! I’ve had my bones broken by the men that paid for me. I’ve been raped. I’ve had knives used against my skin because the rush of torturing and raping a 15-year-old girl got my clients off. I’ve been left on the side of the road with my thighs and vagina in too much pain to walk! I’ve been used as a drug mule! My only friend on the streets was murdered in front of me because I asked for a break and she had offered to take my client to let me rest. After all that, I tried to kill myself!” Your throat was raw, but you couldn’t stop. “But I had nothing. I had no money. So the only way I could think of doing it was to swallow the half a bottle of sleeping pills I had found in the trash. The next morning, I woke up in a pool of my own vomit. I took it was a sign that I was meant to do something with my life, so I pushed myself up. I walked away from the town I grew up in. Hid in sewers and pipes and abandoned buildings to make sure my pimp wouldn’t find me and kill me, or worse, rape me too, because he liked to do that if I haven’t mentioned it already, and send me back to my old life. I clawed my way up. I begged and cried and bled to get where I am now, and then that bastard came up to me and threatened to take it all away or he’d expose my past and kill you.

For SPN, there’s a section of Teetering on the Edge that JUST...I did it, man.

“Don’t you fucking dare pull that neanderthal bullshit with me, Alpha!” You yelled your throat hoarse. Sam dipped out of the area and back toward his bedroom. It didn’t matter. Whether he was here or not, you’d be seething. “You don’t get to decide my life for me! Have you ever thought that maybe I’d rather be in danger with you than safe without you?” He readied himself to respond but you pushed against his shoulder with a force that startled even you. “Did you ever stop to think that I’ve waited my entire life to find the person I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with? And that now that I found him, I’ll be damned if I let him go?”

You were on a roll. Dean wanted to speak, but you wouldn’t let him. “No! You didn’t fucking think about what I want! Because your number one priority is to make sure you don’t have anymore blood on your hands. Well, guess what. You don’t get to do that. Not with me! When you care, you get blood on your hands. That’s just the way it is. I get to make my own damn decisions!” It all just exploded out of you. You kept screaming and crying and drinking to the point where you weren’t even sure what you were saying anymore. As you kept going, your arguments shifted from his demeanor to your own health. “You claimed me,” you said, pulling your sleeve aside to shove the mark in his face. “You know what’ll happen to me without you? I could fucking die!”

Dean waited for you to stop ranting, steadily finishing his beer. Once you were all yelled out, he chose his words wisely. “There’s medication. You’ll be fine. You’re not going to change my mind,” he said flatly, trying to keep any sense of emotion out of his voice, even though you could tell he was right on the edge of acknowledging every amazing and shit feeling he was feeling in this moment. “I need you to get out of the bunker as soon as possible. For your own good.”

Without thinking, you reeled back and slapped him, open palm to cheek, relishing in the sound of the crack that reverberated throughout the bunker. “Fuck you, Alpha! Fuck. You.”

…have you reread the most?

For CM, I tend to only re-read things rarely when other people reblog. I’ll read something that they liked from a while ago and go, hell fucking yea. I wrote that.

For SPN, I re-read a lot of my Cas stuff because he’s my fucking angel :D

…would you recommend to someone reading your work for the first time?

For Criminal Minds, read all the general fic. I think it gives a taste of how I write the entire team. Though given how much I write Spencer I think I have his characterization down most.

For SPN, I think I’d go with Beauty In Stillness for fluff, Salvation for angst and Satisfaction Comes From Sharing With Others for smutttt.

…are you most proud of?

For CM, overall, I think I’d go with Upheaval.

For SPN, it’s definitely, Beauty in Stillness, Salvation and Teetering on the Edge.

Okay, this was BALLS hard, but I enjoyed :D

I’m tagging @heycasbutt @impala-dreamer @because-imma-lady-assface @covered-byroses and @illegalcerebral 

[shadowed-dancer]

Cats 2019 Review (Spoilers)

So I FINALLY got to experience Cats the Movie (2019) and I have some thoughts. For context, I’ve seen the staged production and actually really enjoyed it!

You can find my review of the soundtrack here.

I wasn’t sure how to organize my thoughts in any coherent manner, so I decided to to a quick overview, a plot summary, then break it up into visuals, story, singing, changes, and other thoughts for those who want an in depth thing.

Overview

So overall, I didn’t hate this film. It was weird, but pretty par for the course compared to its source material. If you know the plot of cats then you’ll only be weirded out by some odd visual moments. If you know nothing about Cats the Musical, then you will be very confused. The best part imo was Mr. Mistofelees (the character, not the song).

Summary (of the film)

We start with Victoria (a white cat) being tossed into an alley and immediately she is found by a tribe of cats called the Jellicles

She learns that once a year, a Jellicle is chosen to ascend to the Heaviside layer (basically heaven) where that cat is then reborn into a new life. This decision is made by their leader, Old Deuteronomy, and is called the Jellicle choice

We learn that a cat must sing a song about themselves if they want to be chosen. There are some cats who introduce themselves with the desire to be chosen, and some who introduce themselves for the fun of it

Our contenders to be chosen are: Jennyanydots, Bustopher Jones, Gus, Skimbleshanks, Macavity, and Grizabella

The cats who introduce themselves for fun are: Rum Tum Tugger, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer, and Mister Mistofelees

Macavity is the villain and kidnaps all the other contenders by teleporting them to his boat. That way he’d be the only one present once the choice is made

Old Deuteronomy refuses to choose him and is teleported away by Macavity, but she’s brought back by Mistofelees before she can be forced to walk the plank (no, I’m not kidding, that’s an actual line)

Oh yeah, side note. Macavity and Mistofelees have actual magical powers. It’s never explained how or why

Old Deuteronomy ends up choosing Grizabella, an outcast cat, and she flies away in a hot air balloon that’s also a chandelier

Visuals

I'm not sure if I saw the updated version but someone said if Judy Dench has a human hand with her wedding ring in the last scene, then it’s the old version. My version had that so I’m assuming I saw the original

The CGI fur wasn’t as horrifying as I feared but any time their feet were shown, the illusion was immediately broken

Also the mice and cockroaches looked so fake I couldn’t help but laugh

The cats also looked very fake in Skimbleshanks’ song, but I liked the song so I gave it a pass

Mistofelees’ ears weren’t really a consistent size. Like if he took off his hat his ears should have been way bigger than they actually were rendered to be

Actually nothing was a consistent size. Sometimes the cats looked way smaller compared to other scenes

Idk what was wrong with some of the clothing in this movie, but Jenny’s dance suit, Skimble’s suspenders, and Munkustrap’s collar looked like they were floating over their bodies

This is weird since all the coats in this movie look absolutely fine

Also at one point I made the mistake of looking at a background character and I saw her face was clearly not connected to her body

I thought I’d have to see Misto and Victoria kiss with their weird human mouths. Luckily I did not. Thank you for sparing me from that

At a few points the cat’s (human) nails extend into “claws” but they just look like longer human nails. Idk how to describe it.

Idris Elba looked very naked. Why did he ditch his coat at the end?

At one point Bustopher drinks some champagne (I think) and it spills all over his face and then literally evaporated as soon as it’s done. Like not even in the next shot, in one continuing shot the drink is gone from his fur

In the last scene, Jenny’s collar keeps popping in an out of existence between shots. I’m sure it was inconsistent throughout the film, but I noticed it at the end

Oh, and yes I saw the snot on Grizabella’s face and yes it was very distracting

Story

I was really confused about the rules of the Jellicle choice. They said you have to sing a song if you want to be chosen, but Jennyanydots and Bustopher Jones sing before Old Deuteronomy even shows up

Edit from the future: I saw the movie again and realized Jenny’s performance was a practice for her real performance. That’s why she packs up the cockroaches, it’s because she’s taking them to the actual venue.

This also explains the fact that she unzips her skin. It implies she made a suit to look like her skin for this big reveal. That’s weird in it’s own right, because it implies she made a suit to like like her own skin

Also apparently Rum Tum Tugger wasn’t trying to be the Jellicle choice (which makes sense, his life seems pretty good) because he's never taken away by Macavity

Macavity says “I’m the only contender here” while Tugger is in the room, so I’d assume that means a few cats are just introducing themselves for the heck of it (Tugger, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer, and Mistofelees)

How did the other cats get off Macavity’s boat? I get that they fought back, but how did they actually get to the statue in time?

Overall the story is pretty much the same, only they gave Macavity more of a role

Singing

Yes, I know I reviewed the soundtrack already, but now with the context of the film I have some more thoughts

Jenny sounded like Miranda Sings when she sang “BuUuUuuuuuT” (idk how to describe that voice, but if you’ve heard Mirana you know what I mean)

Also she is not a tap dancer and I’m very sad

So turns out Beautiful Ghosts is sung to Grizabella. It really slows down the film because it’s right in between the first Memories and Gus’ song (both very slow songs)

I was not on board for Judy Dench as Old Deuteronomy, at least in the singing department. Acting wise she was great, but I couldn’t do the singing.

Also remember how I said Grizabella slurred her words? It REALLY stands out in the movie. Oh my gosh at one point I couldn’t tell what she said despite knowing the lyrics. I didn’t love her

It felt like she was singing for sadness, not for the emotion

Also the music really overtook her during the climax of the song and it took away from the emotion

Oh, the first bit of Mr Mistofelees is actually sung by Munkustrap! I couldn't tell from the recording. Just thought I’d point that out

And also Macavity appears after his song, so it’s not as weird timing wise as I thought

Changes

I actually didn’t hate the shy version of Misto they created. However, it was very hard to watch his song because I could feel the awkwardness radiating through the screen

I’m also upset that his song is no longer as fun and upbeat as it used to be. Like he almost bursts into tears at one point and I was just sitting there like “Wow, this is the exact opposite energy I was feeling at this point in the stage production”

I miss Jellylorum, but it was cute having Misto be like this big fan of Gus, that was adorable.

And yeah I didn’t hate Misto and Victoria together. I thought it was cute watching them interact

Misto didn’t dance and I felt ripped off

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer helped with the catnip scene, but when was this agreed upon? Before the movie took place?

Other

Not gonna lie, I actually laughed when Bustopher Jones went into a garbage can and Tugger was just chilling with 2 girls. And then Bustopher acts like it’s such a normal occurrence I found it funny

The film needed more Tugger, I was very disappointed in the lack of Tugger in this film. Even if it was just a running gag of him in random places with some cats like the garbage can bit, that would have been hilarious

The ending scene was horrifying sorry. Like I’m fine with eye contact, but that was too much

Victoria, Misto, and Munkustrap’s actors were fantastic

At one point Victoria was dancing on pointe but they edited it so she was barefoot, so she was on pointe on her actual toes (think that party scene in Titanic)

Misto has to wear an actual bow tie while Bustopher Jones has it as a pattern on his fur, which is reversed from the stage play? Why?

During Macavity’s song, when all the cats are high on catnip, Misto makes this weird expression while rubbing his face on the barstool and it was SO UNCOMFORTABLE TO WATCH. That whole scene was actually unnerving there was a lot of moaning and heavy breathing

Any time Macavity teleported by saying “Meow” I burst out laughing

What kind of cat was Victoria supposed to be? Because I always imagined her as a Persian kitten but she’s kind of a tabby in this version (but not consistently, her markings seem to fade or get bolder randomly)

Speaking of which, so many of the cats looked the same and were kind of boring. Lots of tabbies with short fur.

Misto’s wand is a pencil

Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed. You should absolutely go see this film just for the experience of it. I will absolutely be adding this to my yearly Halloween-movie line up.

[dustydreamsanddirtyscars]

04x01 “Lazarus Rising” // 09x05 “Dog Dean Afternoon” 09x08 “Rock and A Hard Place” 09x11 “First Born” // 10x23 “Brother’s Keeper” 11x03 “The Bad Seed” // 12x23 “All Along the Watchtower”

On the Topic of Healing on Supernatural

Loosely belongs to the Series “Of Blood, Bone and Darkness”: A Carver Era Rewatch Hiatus Meta-Series

***prefacing this by saying this meta will probably feature a few very critical/negative thoughts on Dabb and his showrunning***

While working on the next couple of posts for my rewatch meta series linked to above, I kind of realized once more why S9 will probably always be the season closest to my heart and why Carver to me personally will always remain an absolute favourite in terms of showrunning. And it is based in how he structured the narrative stretching from S8 to S10 and the whole MoC arc and how this storyline factored in and built on everything Dean as a person has been through at that point in the show - his struggles, his traumas, his whole life, light and dark spots alike. But not just that I truly adored and still adore how the aspect of “healing” was tackled in those seasons, because it also transfers, transpires and makes a point about to how the series in general deals - or rather not not deals - with the topic of healing, which is a huge and important aspect however and something all characters - even though I will focus on Dean here mostly as the MoC arc was centered around him, his past and his struggles - need deeply, but which to this day and particular for Dean after the mess that was S12 and the showrunning of Dabb seems further off and the least of anyone’s concerns on the writing team than every before. So, that’s why I like to look back to a time when imo SPN was at its peak writing wise.

At the time when S9 aired I have talked about the narrative and the MoC arc often times in terms of “band aid”-metaphors, which to me still seems a very fitting visual, which is why I am bringing it up here again as it also relates nicely to the aspect of healing - or well, not healing. Throughout S9 this topic is tackled and illustrated by two polar oppositional journeys, which are connected to the Winchester brothers (and are also kind of explored in a different but comparable sense through Cas and Crowley growing more human over the course of S9 while Dean veers off into demonhood). One is illustrated by Gadreel possessing Sam in order to heal him “from the inside out” (which serves as a band aid for a deeper underlying problem - the inability of the brothers to let the other one go/co-dependency) and the other is centered around Dean taking on the mark of Cain which poisons him and kind of kills him “from the inside out” (Dean taking on the mark can be also read as a band aid for the underlying issue of his lack of self-worth and as a form of “sentence” for the fallout his decision to save Sam via possession has caused). The aspect of “superficial healing”, which in the end ain’t healing at all, is contrasted to the brothers and is further showcasing “internal healing” opposed to “internal death”. At the time S9 aired I have talked about these things a lot with the summary of “the true big bad is internal”, because in fact S9 did not showcase a true big bad as an external force, but focused on how someone can fall apart if his traumas and issues and fears remain untreated, unheard and uncared for - essentially what happens when much needed time for healing simply is not allowed to happen. This is also imo the reason why S9 was so heavy and so tough in terms of emotions, because it was a very psychological and in that regard very emotion driven arc.

And I love how very intelligent S9 showcased and explored the topic of healing in the MotW episodes as well. I singled out two moments that stood out in particular as they also focus on an internal aspect, consumation/incorporation really (though I won’t go into that in depth as it opens a whole new cans of worms when you bring Freud into it - though his structural model of personality was very directy woven into the MoC arc as I have written about multiple times at the time). In 9x05 “Dog Dean Afternoon” we meet Chef Leo, who is basically dying from cancer but he cheats death by consuming different animal’s organs. When he wounds Sam and Gadreel saves him, Chef Leo want Sam as his next main course for his “healing powers”. Similarly but with a slightly different end game in 9x08 “Rock and A Hard Place” we meet goddess Vesta consuming people’s livers to regain some of her powers. One of her most interesting lines of her surely is the one when she tells Sam he’s basically only barely stitched together and shouldn’t by all means be alive judging from his internal condition. And this is where the Band aid metaphor imo works pretty well again. Because while Gadreel did truly try and heal Sam it was kind of a band aid - like the MoC as a suicide mission for Dean - that was plastered on a bleeding wound, a wound that would be covered up, but that would never truly heal underneath, but fester. Meaning, while physically the brothers throughout the series got mended time and again, mentally is a whole other beast and that beast, showed its claws best in S9, because in that season it was all about how the way one feels and sees himself determines your choices and those can lead you down dark roads and right into self destruction.

Now when keeping all this in mind I find it important and interesting to take a look at how  SPN treats healing in general, because imo one thing gets pretty clear when truly thinking it about it: the route the show goes can be seen in direct opposition to what the characters would need for true healing. What do I mean with that? Let me explain. Not always f do wounds stand for a bigger underlying issue with SPN, often times they appear in fights, but still often enough and especially when tied to the big emotional and myth arcs they do stand for and serves as symbols for a larger underlying problem. And especially in those cases I find it very telling how the show tends to deal with these instances, because most of the time they don’t and go the easy route by having Cas for example fix the Winchesters as captured above in 12x23 “All Along the Watchtower” for example. We have seen those moments countless times since S4, but what’s important to remember is that this is physical healing, internal healing is something drastically different. Just because it’s out of sight doesn’t mean it’s out of mind. The best example for that is when Dean looks into the mirror in 4x01 “Lazarus Rising” and sees himself without a scratch but vividly remembers being torn apart by hellhounds. Similarly can be said for Sam and his Hell and cage experiences. Though they both are back top side, it doesn’t mean they are “freed” and that is btw also something S9 utlized beautifully visually with all of the prison imagery we see in that season.

In this regard I find it important to point out one moment in which Dean actively refuses to be healed by Cas in 11x03 “The Bad Seed” (talked about this aspect here in that gifset as well at the time). As talked about in the meta linked to there is much more to this action and scene, but what in relation to this meta imo is important to point out is that in this case Dean actively wants the reminder of what happened, wants to hurt, because he thinks he deserved it. Here being healed would have felt like scorn, because he couldn’t possibly forget what he himself did - so it’s basically in a nutshell an incident in which physical healing and emotional healing as narrative concepts overlap and are head on addressed on SPN and that doesn’t happen a whole lot on the show.

So basically what we witness throughout S9 is Dean internally withering away while Gadreel tries to internally heal Sam. But it’s only a stepping stone of course. Being physically alright doesn’t mean you are emotionally stable. Just because you are healed physically, doesn’t mean you’re healed mentally. And that is something I feel sadly has been very far off, but which is increasingly important for the characters and especially Dean after the MoC arc. This is where the title of this meta “Our scars remind us that the past is real” comes into play, because what the important takeaway from this saying to me is that not only do you realize and remember what you’ve been through when you look at your own scars, but they also tell you that “you survived”, that you’re still standing, that you overcame them, that you grew stronger the more those scars fade away.

And this is where I have to mention once again how I will alway remain more than a bit disappointed how the MoC arc was wrapped up and even more so how Dabb did away with it and the progression and process towards healing was comletely discarded by him.  Now of course it is useless to be upset about an arc not playing out the way you wanted, believe me I know, but in terms of set up and how this whole arc was structured to me it never made sense for it to be possible to erase the mark from Dean’s arm, because IT WAS JUST SO MUCH FREAKING MORE THAN A MARK. It served as a symbol abd visual stand in for so much more. It brought up the resentment Dean felt for never having hid own life, how he was treated by his father, etc. etc. and while of course the mark was changing Dean and turned him into something he didn’t wanrt to be, at the same time it did shake things loose that needed to be tackled for a long time in order for Dean to heal. So to me it just doesn’t make sense the way the show “resolved” this, because the mark was just an outward physical sign for an underlying issue Dean has struggled with for years. By simply erasing the mark, to me they took away the possibility of Dean healing and that to me would always have come to be connected with Dean getting more in tune with himself and that the more he healed the mark would have faded away. After all the mark and Amara as a force behind it was directly connected to how Dean was denied an own life, just like Amara wasn’t allowed to exist in her brother’s world.

Now, I did still like it a whole lot when Amara was freed and it got clear that the MoC arc wasn’t truly finished. The struggle Dean had fought on the inside was externalized through Amara and he could head on tackle it. Needless to say of course that didn’t all end in the way Carver had planned as he also wasn’t allowed to kill God. So the aspect and what to me the Amara arc all lead up to: Dean re-integrating his externalized “dark parts” in order to become whole and heal didn’t really pan out. Dean didn’t heal and S12 made a great effort in undoing any kind of step Dean went towards healing from S8 onwards - even though healing was what Amara had wanted for Dean. Instead it’s further off than ever before after clusterfuck that Dabb wrote and called a season, because what he did with all of this set up was throw it out the window and worse made it an entire goddamn scene to say that Dean’s own traumas aren’t even worth mentioning (and yes I know and I have made countless posts on this before trying to explain it when people misunderstand by hate with Dabb’s writing: Dean always puts himself last. That is absolutely in character. The show has done that before, but it always made sure to make it clear that only Dean thinks of himself as worthless but everybody else doesn’t. Now with Mary they did the opposite and the entire season finale showed that indeed Dean’s mother doesn’t give a flying fuck about Dean, but only when he talks about Sam - so yeah, the show or rather D(r)ab(b) made plenty clear how important Dean’s healing is for him...). Sorry about all the hate in the end, but wow, it just makes me so sad and angry to look back and see the amazing structring and narrative focus that was part of Carver era and how it was all rendered undone and useless under Dabb. Anyway, in order to end this post with rather some Dean feels than utter frustration, I’m just gonna leave these lyrics here, because yeah, they do describe Dean and the MoC arc pretty well

“I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut My weakness is that I care too much My scars remind me that the past is real I tear my heart open just to feel”

[transformationstuck]

[1] Karkat wants to me matesprits with John, but unfortunately, John is Not A Homosexual^TM. After doing some research on human sexuality and discovering the definition of being straight is “being attracted to the opposite sex”, Karkat comes up with the idea of having John turn into a girl. With that definition, that would mean John would then be attracted to boys, and thus Karkat would have a chance.

(Disclaimer: I don’tactually think Karkat would do that to someone (IMO they’d do it the other wayaround, i.e. Karkat into a girl), but this is what the prompt asked for, sow/e. Also, ask is truncated from the original to avoid spoilers.)

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you have a problem; one JohnEgbert. Stupid, sexy John Egbert. Ever since the humans had met up with whattrolls remained, you’ve been unable to get the human boy off your mind. You’vecaught yourself staring at him whenever he entered a room, and been caughtdoing so multiple times. Finally, after about a perigee of this, Johnconfronted you about it.

“Karkat, I’m flattered, really!” he’d said. “But I’m notinterested in boys like that.”

Of course, to your vastly superior troll think pan, genderhad absolutely nothing to do with sexual attraction, so this statement confusedyou. When you’d asked him to clarify, he’d simply sighed and said that he was“not a homosexual”. This, of course, clarified nothing to you, but to John itseemed to be the final word on the matter, so you dropped it.

Later, you started doing some research. You’d booted uphuman Google and started searching, and found that this “homosexual” thing wasa big deal for humans. Apparently they couldn’t reproduce with someone unlessthey were the opposite gender? That just seemed so inefficient to you, but it’ssomething you’re going to have to deal with even if you don’t understand it.

You let the matter drop for some time. You put in aconscious effort to not stare at Egbert’s ass, and were starting to succeed.But then, while you were making some grubtoast, the answer finally hit you.

Heterosexual – a.Sexually attracted to people of the opposite sex.

Of course. It was so simple. If John was a girl, then theopposite sex for her would be males. And you’re a male, so she’d be attractedto you! You can’t believe Past Karkat didn’t think of this already.

Which brings you to the present, where you’re asleep in yourrecuperacoon, scouring the bubbles for a god-tier version of Feferi. You’vebeen searching on-and-off for about two weeks now, and you’ve asked otherghosts to spread the word around, so hopefully one would come out of thewoodwork soon.

As you round a corner, transitioning from rolling desertdunes to the purple spires of Derse, you spot one, hovering in the air, lookingout onto the cityscape below.

“Feferi!” you call out. She turns to face you quizzically,her white, dead eyes meeting yours before a massive grin engulfs her face.

“Crabcatch! Glub glub glub! Hi!” she says in her usualear-piercing, far too excited tone. God, you’d forgotten how loud she is.

“Sweet mother grub’s prolapsed egg chute,” you say, cringingat the noise, “could you be a tiny bit quieter?If I go deaf I’m not gonna be able to hear anything you’re saying!”

“That’s not how hearing works, dummy!” she says, closing inon you.

“Maybe for seadwellers, but holy fuck, my auricular spongeclots are screaming in pain here! And pain is usually a good indicator that youshould stop doing the thing causing it!”

“Alright, fine, sheesh! Don’t be such a coralybaby!” shesays, slightly softer.

You pause, staring up at her unamusedly. “That was a stretchand you damn well know it.”

She shrugs. “What can I say? Force of halibut.”

“Oh my god, do not start with this. Believe it or not thereis a reason I am talking to you right now, and – surprise! - it’s not to exposemyself to your shitty puns!”

Feferi pouts. “But Crabcatch…”

“No buts! I’ve had far too many discussions derailed sincethe humans came here and I’m not about to let this one slide off the tracks aswell!”

She sighs and gently lands on her feet. “Fin. What did youwant to glub about, oh great, no-nonsense, can’t-have-fun leader of ours?”

“Don’t-“ you say, almost immediately, much quieter now.“Don’t call me your leader. I don’t- I don’t deserve that title.”

Feferi tilts her head questioningly. “Why? What happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“But-“

“Hey, remember what I said about keeping the locomotivefirmly on the tracks?” you say, returning to full volume. “That still applies!”

“You’re the one who changed the subject!”

“Fine! Consider that diversion firmly halted! Thecontrollers have caught the mistake and the overland railed freight vehicle isback on its normal route!”

“Okay!” Feferi says. And the says nothing else for aboutfive seconds. “You haven’t told me what you wanted to talk about yet.”

You blink, and then introduce your forehead to the palm ofyour hand. They’ve been becoming quite good friends recently. “Right. So. Lifepowers. I need them. Specifically, the genetic mutators.”

“Why?”

“Uh…” you say, stalling while you try and think of a wayto put this.

Feferi apparently knows enough based on the blush creepingonto your cheeks, because she squeals again, shaking her fists back-and-forthexcitedly. “Ooh, it’s a romance thing? Who is it, Crabcatch? Who is it? Tellmeeeeeee!”

You can’t believe you’re that transparent. Maybe you’ll haveto study how Dave keeps his mask up so well. “It’s uh…” you say, hesitantly.“It’s John.”

This time you pre-empt the squeal by sticking your fingersin your sponge clots, but it does little to dampen the high-frequency soundwaves piercing through your skull. “You and John? That’s so adorabubble!” Shepinches your cheek and, on pure instinct, you swat her arm away, unsheathe yourclaws, crouch down and growl at her. She seems unamused. “Wow, someone sure isjumpy!”

Your growl gradually starts to fade as your conscious mindstarts to catch up. “You should know better than to do that. You’re not human,you can’t pull the ignorance card here.”

“Speaking of humans…” she says, raising her eyebrows. “Whydo you need my life powers for seducing John?”

“It’s, well… how much do you know about human sexuality?”

“Ah, I see,” she nods in understanding. “He’s not attractedto guys, is he?”

“I know! What the fuck is with that anyway!”

She shrugs. “If they can only make grubs with the oppositesex, of course there’s a psychological pressure away from attraction to thesame sex.”

“Feferi,” you say, pinching the bridge of your nose.“Rhetorical question.”

“Right, right! But you do know that I can’t just go intopeople’s minds and change how they think, right? That’s very much a Vriskathing to do!”

You shake your head hastily. “No, no, I don’t need that.”

“Then what do you need?”

“Well… if he’s attracted to the opposite sex… what ifyou turned him into a girl?”

Feferi pauses for a moment, and then her eyes light up andher grin somehow gets even wider. “Crabcatch,I like the way you think!”

—————

And thus, Feferi agreed to help you win over John by turninghim into a girl, thereby making him attracted to makes by the definition ofheterosexuality – and thus, hopefully, to you.

Feferi told you that the entire process would take about aweek to complete, but on the first day you’re already spotting some subtledifferences. Him and Dave walk side-by-side chatting quite a lot, and you’vegotten used to how they look together. So it immediately catches your eye whenthey enter the common room and John is half a head shorter than he was evenyesterday. Everyone else notices it too, even Dave – although nobody decides tobring it up. They simply stare for a second or two, before shaking it off astheir eyes deceiving them and going back to whatever it was they were doing.But you know better. You know this is the start of something much, much bigger.

On the second day, John’s clothes don’t quite fit himanymore, and his hair has started to grow out. He’s noticed something’s up bynow, and is nervously starting to question people about it. He probably thinksthat he’s coming down with some strange disease – a thought that’s probablyonly reinforced when midway through taking with Kanaya all of his facial hairfalls out. They both stop and just kind of stare at the hair floating throughthe air, up until Kanaya accidentally breathes some in, causing a coughing fitthat John seems to find very amusing.

On the third day, his clothes fit again. His god-tier outfitis adapting to his changing body – and boy has his body started changing. Hiships are noticeably fuller now, his face has started to round out, and youswear you can see the hint of spheres starting to form. All the humansbasically follow him everywhere now, all of them concerned for the wellbeing oftheir friend. You’re kind of envious of them – how when one of their number isin trouble they all band together to try and solve the problem, comforting eachother with their presence. While they’re around John looks as happy as ever,but as soon as they’re gone you can see the confusion in his eyes. You wishtrolls could catch that human disease called friendship.

On the fourth day, Rose figures out what’s going on. It’skind of hard to miss at this point. John now sports a well-developed set ofspheres – or “breasts” as the humans are calling them – and the fat on his legsis starting to redistribute itself. His arms are getting thinner and his handsare getting smaller – a fact that was highlighted harshly to him when he foundhe could no longer interlace his fingers with Dave’s as he once could.Eventually, Rose breaks the news to him.

“John, I think I know what’s going on.”

“You do?” he says, brightening up. “What is it? Can you stopit?”

“I’m afraid not,” she says. “I wouldn’t know where on earthto begin.”

“Well, knowing is the first step!” John smiles. “What isit?”

“You’re, uh…” Rose pauses, seeming to search for the rightwords before giving up and deciding to be direct. “You’re turning into a girl.”

John looks down at himself – at the orbs on his chest, hisplush rump, and the lack of facial hair, rubbing his chin where his facial hairused to be. “Oh,” he says simply, matter-of-factly, as if he’s not affected bythat revelation at all. He looks back up at Rose sheepishly. “I probablyshould’ve figured that out sooner, huh?”

“To be fair, it’s a completely unprecedented change.”

“Yeah, but it just sounds so obvious now that you’ve saidit!”

“Everything is obvious once you know that it is true.”

You, meanwhile, are surprised at how well John appears tohave taken the news. You’d expected some sort of outburst – maybe shock, maybedisbelief – but no. He seems calm and collected, as if it wasn’t the changesthemselves that were bothering him, but rather the uncertainty as to their originand purpose. You’ve noticed that a lot with humans, actually. Not knowingsomething is the absolute worst thing for them. Even if the answer to aquestion is depressing or harmful , they don’t care; to them, knowing theanswer is better than living in ignorance.

You still haven’t made up your mind as to whether you admirethat about them.

On the fifth day, John seems noticeably happier. His faceseems to have finished shifting and his thighs look a lot more feminine. Hisvoice has changed slightly too – not much, but everyone notices the differenceimmediately; it’s ever-so-slightly higher-pitched than it was yesterday. You,meanwhile, are glad that the changes don’t seem to be affecting who John is asa person. He still eats the same too-salty junk he always has, he still playsand jokes around with everyone, and he even managed to get Jade to slip on abanana peel. Even though Jade caught herself in mid-air, he was still roaringin laughter. The god-tier-assisted chase that resulted was truly a sight tobehold.

On the sixth day, John’s voice seems to have settled.There’s no mistaking him for anything but a woman now – the face, the curves,the voice, everything about him is feminine. The only thing that gives awaythat he used to be anything else is the bulge in his pants, which is still aslarge as it ever was.

Not that you’ve been measuringit or anything. Nope.

You catch him staring at you throughout the day. You knowthe look he’s giving you well – you’ve seen plenty of romance movies where oneof the main characters has the same look at their face. When he catches himselfhe shakes his head side-to-side before furrowing his eyebrows in confusion, shakingit off and going back to whatever it was he was doing, as if what just happenedmeant nothing. But you know. You know he’s checking you out.

Progress.

On the seventh and final day, you struggle to locate the lastchange. You distinctly recall Feferi telling you that it would take all sevendays for every one of the changes to occur, and yet you really cannot see any.Fortunately, Kanaya does. She’s been taking a keen interest in John’s changes,and when you glance over at her, you notice that her gaze is fixated uponJohn’s crotch. You follow her eyes to their target and squint, still not seeinganything different, before you finally realize that the bulge in his pants haschanged shape. Whereas before it was one large ball, now it’s more concentratedinto one shaft. You can still see some extra stuff below it, but it’s very,very small.

And on the eighth day, John Egbert is officially a she.

Or, well, sort of. She still has a bulge in her pants whereher human bulge is, but the shame-globes below it are nowhere to be seen.Instead, the fabric of her (now much more form-fitting) pants is flat againsther skin. You wonder if she actually has a nook down there, or whether it’sjust smooth skin. It’s not like you can just go up and ask her.

You’re still spotting her staring at you, but instead oflooking away sheepishly whenever you catch her, she simply meets your eyes andsmiles at you.

Progress indeed.

—————

You give John space. You don’t want to rush this – not justbecause that would be incredibly suspicious, but because you’re not sure howcomfortable John is with her new attraction to males. You may not understandthe whole gender-attraction thing, but you know enough about people to know that she needs time tosort out her thoughts.

And so you give her time. You don’t make any advances onher, no matter how much you may want to. You don’t cut her off entirely,though. You still watch movies with her and get into grubcorn fights about therelative merits of troll and human cinema. You still feed each other food fromyour respective planets, to varying degrees of success. And you still try towrestle her when she uses the windy thing to beat you at video games.

Over the weeks she’s started experimenting with her expandedwardrobe options, much to Kanaya’s delight. The first time she showed up in thecommon room wearing a skirt and leggings she looked so awkward, as if sheperpetually wanted to evaporate into the air and abscond far away. But overtime she got more confident, and now you don’t notice any difference in herbehavior between when she’s wearing pants and when she’s not. One time you evensaw her in a complete dress. Kanaya’s been helping her with that, and while youstill don’t understand the point of fashion, even you can admit that some ofthe outfits she’s created for John have been, well, beautiful. They’re notplain, and they’re not overly revealing. Instead, they seem to amplify John’snatural beauty, and you have no idea how Kanaya’s accomplished it.

Shenanigans, probably. That’s what is always comes down to.

—————

It’s about a perigee-and-a-half after John’s changefinished, and you’re walking up to her room. It’s movie night, and you’ve got atreat for her – troll Con Air, one of the only Alternian films with a concisetitle. You, of course, despise the film and everything it stands for, butyou’re willing to make concessions in this case, because you’ve decided tostart making your move. You’ve waited long enough – you want her as yourmatesprit, and that won’t happen unless you act.

But as you move up to knock on her door you hear a gasp fromwithin her room, and your fist freezes in mid-air.

Was that…?

And then it happens again, louder this time.

Yep. John’s getting off in there.

Part of you wants to creep away and go back to your room –for obvious reasons – but another, more vocal part of you wants you to stay.You’ve fantasized about John making those noises for you for so long, and nowhere she is, just a door and some thin drywall away from you, moaning her heartout.

Fuck it. This probably makes you the most despicable beingin paradox space, but god damn, you can’t bring yourself to move away. Insteadyou very, very quietly lay down on the floor and peek under the door, hoping toget some visuals to accompany the incredibly sexy audio track.

But when you peek under the doorframe, your blood-pushercatches in your throat.

She’s not masturbating at all. She’s having sex.

And she’s having sex with Dave.

They’re sitting on the floor, cross-legged, naked, andfacing each other. John has Dave’s cock in her grip, and Dave has John’snoticeably smoother cock in his. With every pump, John moans out her pleasureloudly, whispering Dave’s name every now and then. Dave’s less vocal, but youcan tell from the grunts and the blush on his face he’s feeling just as good asJohn is. They lean in and lock lips, their free arms wrapping around each otheras they continue to pump each other, John’s moans growing louder and louderbefore she pulls back, releasing Dave’s cock.

“Ah… ah…” she pants, her breasts heaving up and down.

“Why’d you stop?” Dave asks, leaning back towards John.

“I- I want-“ John gets out between pants. “I want you tofuck me, Dave.”

Dave blinks. “Well shit, why didn’t you just say so?”

John smiles at him, and you know that smile. You’ve seen iton the screen many times. It’s the same smile you’d hoped John would direct atyou one day.

It’s a smile of pure, unfiltered love.

John rolls over onto her front, sticking her ass in the airand presenting it to Dave. Her cock hangs down between her legs and you finallyget confirmation that yes, John does in fact have both sets down there. Hernook is wet and open, ready to accept a cock – Dave’s cock.

Dave shuffles up to her on his knees and puts his hand onone of John’s asscheeks.

“You ready?”

“Mmn, yes. Fuck me, Dave.”

Dave sticks his bulge into John’s nook, and you can’t bareto look any longer.

You crawl away slowly, moving just out of earshot before youget up and run at full-speed back to your room. You lock the door behind youbefore you collapse onto the floor, screaming into your sweater as candy-redtears start rolling down your face.

The search, the change, the patience. It was all fornothing. John was with Dave. She was with Dave, and not you.

Apparently Kanaya heard your wails through the walls,because she’s somehow managed to lockpick your door and is hugging you, restingyour head on her shoulder and rubbing your back soothingly as you let out yoursorrow.

You start to fall asleep cradled in her arms, her soft handsand smooth voice soothing you the entire time.

You’ve missed your chance. She’s with Dave. She’s not with you.

And maybe, you think as you start to drift off; maybe that’swhat you deserve. Maybe you should never have meddled to begin with. Maybe youshould have just left her as a boy and accepted that he just wasn’t interestedin you.

Yup. You are unequivocally the most miserable excuse for atroll in all of paradox space.

You fall asleep in Kanaya’s arms, her hands running throughyour hair, and you have no more tears left to shed.

—————

You’ve started avoiding people. You only ever leave yourroom to grab food, water, or relieve yourself. You turn off Trollian and removeit from your husktop’s auto-start list. Whenever you encounter someone, you tryand extricate yourself as soon as you can. The only person you’ve been seeing thesepast few weeks has been Kanaya, and even then that’s purely because you can’tlock her out. You’ve contemplated upgrading the security on your door, butknowing her she’d just chainsaw her way in anyway.

She’s been trying so, so hard to get you to open up to her.You don’t want to tell her – you don’t want to tell anyone – but she makes it so hard not to. Kanaya is one determined troll, and once she sets her mindto something she doesn’t stray from that path.

It’s one of the many things you admire about her. You wishyou were as good a person as she is.

One day, she’s come over to watch a romance movie with you.She doesn’t particularly enjoy them herself, but she knows that they bring outthe old Karkat – the loud Karkat who will make damn sure that everyone knowswhat he’s thinking – so she puts up with them, for your sake.

You don’t deserve someone like her.

About seven minutes in and halfway through the title, shedoes something that makes you freeze up. She wraps one of her arms around yourshoulders and pulls you towards her, causing your head to rest upon one of herspheres.

And it’s- it’s too much. She reaches down and startsstroking your cheek, shooshing you,and you can’t take it anymore.

“I fucked up,” you say, voice muffled by Kanaya’s body. “Ifucked up someone’s whole life, just because I couldn’t take no for an answer.”

Kanaya doesn’t say anything – she just keeps stroking you,and pulls you in closer.

“I just- I really love John. I can’t- it’s the strongestfeeling I’ve ever felt,” you continue, “and when he told me that he- he didn’tfeel the same way, just because of some stupidhuman gender thing, I-” you choke up, and Kanaya’s thumb brushes up on yourcheekbone. “I had the absolutely fuckingstupid idea that hey, if John isn’t attracted to me because he’s male, then what if he was female?”

Kanaya pauses, and then sighs. “Oh, Karkat…”

“I know, alright!I know! I know…”

“Shhhhh…” she says, resuming her stroking.

“And it-“ you sob, “it didn’t even fucking work! I completely screwed with hislife, changed him into- into her, andshe’s with Dave. Not me. Dave.” You bury your face deep into Kanaya’s sphere.“It was- I can’t- I’m the most despicable being in all of paradox space.”

Unable to keep stroking your face, Kanaya switches torunning a hand through your hair, occasionally rubbing a horn, while anotherhand stokes down your back.

You start crying, no doubt staining Kanaya’s shirt red, andshe just keeps shooshing you, her chest thrumming with resonant frequencies andgradually calming you down.

“It seems to me,” she says, after the tears have sloweddown, “that this is something you should really speak to John about.”

“I know!” youyell, frustrated. “Do you not think I fucking know that? I just- I just can’t-”

“Why not?” she asks, and that simple question stumps you fora moment.

After some thought, you reply “Because she’ll hate me.”

“You don’t know that for sure.”

“No, but I can be pretty fucking confident of it.”

She sighs, clearly frustrated with you. “Okay, think aboutit like this. How many times have you talked to John since you isolatedyourself?”

“None,” you reply honestly.

“And how much time are you likely to spend with her if shedoes in fact hate you?”

“Still none.”

“But, how much time will you spend together if she doesn’t hate you?”

You pause and consider the question. “… More than none?” youventure.

“Exactly.” She pats your head. “Go talk to her. It literallycannot get any worse than it is now, and by opening up to her, it may well getbetter.”

… She’s right. Of course she’s right; she’s Kanaya, for god’s sake.  But… “I don’t know if I can.”

“Well, you’ll never know unless you try.”

You take a deep breath in and relax into Kanaya’s touch,starting to chirr in response to her. All you need to do is get up, walk downthe halls, and talk to John. It’s nowhere near the most difficult thing you’vedone in your short, pathetic life.

Nevertheless, extracting yourself from Kanaya’s embracecertainly feels like it.

When you look up at her face, she’s smiling warmly down atyou. “Go,” she says.

And after hugging her one last time, you do.

—————

As it turns out, John’s not in her room. Of course sheisn’t; that would be far too easy.

You checked that nobody was in the nearby bathroom, and thenheaded for the common room. There’s literally nowhere else anyone hangs outexcept their rooms and there; but when you enter it, you find she’s not thereeither.

You do find Rose, though, who looks up from her book in mildsurprise. “Karkat?”

“Rose,” you reply succinctly.

“I take it Kanaya got through to you, then?” she says,dog-earing her page and putting the book down.

You’re caught off-guard by that, but after a moment’s pauseyou decide that it makes sense that her matesprit knows she’s been seeing you.“… Something like that,” you say, rubbing the back of your neck. “I’m lookingfor John.”

Rose’s eyes flash orange for a second, before understandingspreads across her face. “I… see. She’s on the roof.”

“Thanks,” you say, starting to backpedal out.

Rose interrupts your abscond. “And Karkat: if John doesn’tforgive you, then you will be subject to the full extent of my wrath.” Hervoice is harsh, dangerous, and leaves you rooted in place from a primal fearyou can’t shake off. “And as any of the other humans can tell you, when I getmad, people tend to get impaled with black tentacles emanating from themonstrosities in the Furthest Ring.”

You stand stock-still in the common room doorway, afraid ofthe black fire behind her eyes that you’re not entirely certain is merely ahallucination.

“Just keep that in mind,” she says, suddenly casual again asshe picks up her book and resumes reading.

You tiptoe very carefully out the door, and then turn andsprint away.

—————

After you ascend a frankly fucking ludicrous number ofstairs, you make it out onto the roof of the meteor. John’s here, just likeRose said. She’s alone, wearing her standard god tier get-up, lying down andstaring up at the inky blackness above you. You start walking towards her, takingstep after step, and her eyes dart down to check who’s approaching her. Whenshe sees it’s you, she immediately summons the windy thing to push herself upto her feet and starts running towards you.

“Karkat!” she says brightly, a smile creeping across herface and into her (beautiful, azure-blue) eyes. You barely have time to braceyourself before Egbert’s wrapped you up in a tight hug, pressing her head intoyour shoulder.

“Uh… hi,” you say, shocked at the reception you’rereceiving.

“I missed you!” she says, whining.

“John,” you say, pushing at her, trying to get her to letgo. “John, we need to talk.”

She takes the hint and pulls away from you, furrowing hereyebrows quizzically. “… What kind of talk?” she asks.

“The one where we discuss monumentally bad decisions thatI’ve made.”

“Dude, if this is about disappearing for a few weeks, that’sfine!” she says, holding up both her hands in an acquiescent gesture. “If youneed some alone time, I get that! People can be overwhelming.”

“It’s not that,” you say, sitting down on the floor andgesturing for her to do the same.

“Well then what is it?” she asks, following your lead andsitting down opposite you.

You take a deep breath and close your eyes. This is it. Thepivotal moment.

…

Oh god you’re scared shitless.

“… Karkat?” John asks after several seconds of awkwardsilence.

You release the breath you’ve been holding and bury yourface in your hands. “It’s my fault.”

“… What’s ‘it’?” she asks.

You wave your hand in her general direction. “What you are!”

“Karkat, I know that!” she says, and you look up at her inshock. “Don’t you remember our first conversation? ‘Attention human: this isyour god speaking’?”

“Not that!” you groan, frustrated, struggling to come upwith the words. “I mean… the change. From two months ago.”

John seems genuinely lost as to what you’re talking about.

“Holy fuck, I guess I have to spell it out for you then.”You take another deep breath – in, and then out. “You turning into a girl?Remember that? That- that was my fault.”

John’s eyes widen in surprise.

“I know! I know.”

“But why?” she asks curiously, furrowing her brow and bitingher lips.

“Because I’m selfish!” you yell at her, removing your facefrom your hands and staring straight at her, your eyes getting moist. “I’m a completelyselfish asshat who wanted something so badly I didn’t stop and think ‘GeeKarkat, isn’t messing with someone’s body kind of messed up?’ No, that would betoo sane of a conclusion! No! No.”

You take another deep breath and close your eyes. “When youcalled me out on staring at you,” you continue softly, “you made it abundantlyclear that you weren’t interested. That should have been the end of it – it’san unrequited flush-crush, it’s not like those are rare. But no. I couldn’taccept that. I was being rejected for something I couldn’t control – my gender.So I did some research, and discovered that the definition of ‘not ahomosexual’ is ‘attracted to the opposite sex’. And so I thought ‘Hey, what ifthat wasn’t a problem? If John were a girl, then we would be the opposite sex toeach other, and that’s not an issue anymore!’”

You open your eyes for a second and see some semblance ofcomprehension starts creeping into John’s eyes before you shut them tightagain, once again cupping your hands over your face.

“So I got a god tier Feferi to change you into a girl,” youconfess. “Because that’s a brilliant idea. Taking away your bodily autonomylike that surely couldn’t be an absolutelyreprehensible thing to do, could it? No, surely not.”

“… So the reason I’m a girl now,” John says slowly, as ifshe’s working through this in her mind, “is because you wanted to date me.”

Your shoulders slump. “Yeah.”

You peek your eyes through gaps in your fingers, and to yourcomplete and utter shock, she doesn’t look mad. Instead, she shrugs hershoulders and says “Okay.”

You’re at a loss for words. “Okay…?” you prompt her,wanting clarification.

“Yeah, okay,” she says, repeating the shrugging motion.“Karkat, I don’t really give a shit that I’m a girl now. I thought that wouldhave been kind of obvious by the fact that I didn’t scream when Rose pointed itout to me.”

… You always just assumed that was shock. Surely nobodycould have been that nonchalant about suddenly changing gender?

“And yeah, you did it for a pretty shitty reason,” shecontinues, “but whatever! That doesn’t change the fact that I don’t reallymind.”

“… Really?” you ask her, refusing to believe this isactually happening.

“Yeah. Really,” she says, shuffling over to you and puttingan arm around your shoulder. Something in your hind-brain objects to that –that’s a pale thing, John – but thatshouldn’t be going off went you don’t have a moirail.

… At least, you think you don’t.

… You’re totally moirails with Kanaya, aren’t you. Yep,that sure was a thing you completely failed to notice. Good job, past Karkat,on once again outdoing yourself in the perception department.

“Plus now I get to wear skirts and dresses, and that’spretty awesome,” she chuckles.

You shrug her arm off you and look her straight in the eyes.“What about your sexuality?”

John tilts his head. “What about it?”

“I replaced it. You’re attracted to boys instead of girlsnow. By turning you into a girl, I changed a part of who you are.”

“Karkat,” she says, cupping your face in her hands andmeeting your eyes, setting off those pale infidelity alarm bells again. “I’mgoing to repeat this as many times as it takes to get it through to you. I. Do.Not. Care.”

You’re having such a hard time believing this is happeningright now. Red tears start leaking from the corners of your eyes, pooling inJohn’s soft hands. She quickly removes them and wipes them off on her pants.

“Besides, who said I wasn’t attracted to girls anymore?” sheasks.

You freeze in place for a second. “… What?” you ask,confused. “But I thought… why would that…”

“Yeah, I don’t know either. Maybe my new body caused themale attraction and I just kept the female attraction that I already had? Butyeah. I like everyone now. It’s kind of annoying actually,” she says, rubbingat her neck. “Before I only stared at half of you guys, but now everyone lookshot. It’s distracting.”

“Welcome to what every troll ever feels like,” you mumble,before pausing. “Wait,” you interrupt yourself, “does that mean, uh…” youcast your eyes away from her. Oh look, that completely featureless grey floorlooks mighty interesting all of a sudden. “Does that… uh…”

“Include you? Yeah,” she tells you frankly. “Yeah, it does.”

… John thinks you’re hot? Are you blushing? You’re totallyblushing, aren’t you. God damn it.

“Karkat?” John says, trying to get your attention, and aftera second’s pause you make eye contact again. “I’m going to try something,alright? Promise you won’t freak out?”

“I-” you say, stumbling over your words. You’ve about totell her not to go through with whatever machinations she’s planning, but…

“Comeon…” you mutter, tongue stuck out in concentration. You and John areneck-and-neck, and if you can just get the drift boost just right, you shouldbe able to beat her to the finish line.

Butjust as you’re about to get the boost John throws a banana in front of you. Youspin out and she races past you to victory.

“Ha!Suckered again!” John yells in triumph, throwing the controller up in victory.“I am the MarioKart champion! You-”

Shegets bonked on the head by the stray controller, yelling out expletives as youlaugh your ass off.

… your mind drifts to all the time you’ve spent together.

“Whatin the absolute shit is that?” you ask him, pointing at the disgusting-lookingamorphous green mass he’s handing you.

“It’sjelly! It’s food, Karkat! Try some!” he says, handing you a plastic spoon.

“Youeat that stuff?” you exclaim,slightly mortified.

“It’sjust flavored animal organs! Come on, eat it!” He scoops up a small portion andpushes it towards your mouth.

“No!Get that away from me you-”

Heshoves the spoon into your mouth.

Ohgod. It’s the most delicious thing you’ve ever tasted. You close your eyes inrapture.

“Toldyou so~” he sing-songs, and you punch his arm lightly. “Ow.”

And you come to a decision.

“Idon’t get it,” John says in the midst of the pale courtship taking place on screen.“Why is the green-blood not freaking out about this?”

Yousigh in frustration. “Because they’re moirails, John. This is what moirailsdo.”

“Butshe’s not pale for the yellow-blood. Why is she just letting him have his way?”

Youpause and look over at her, slightly shocked. “How did you know that?”

“Isn’tit obvious?” she asks you. “The green-blood is black for the yellow-blood. Comeon, Karkat, even I’m not that thick. It’s kind of hard to miss, what withthe picture of him in her room with the suspiciously knife-shaped holes in it.”

“…You caught that?”

“Uh,yeah! Was I not supposed to?”

“Mosttrolls don’t spot that until their second watch-through.”

Hereyebrows shoot up. “Huh,” she says. “I guess I’m the quadrant whisperer.”

Youthrow a pillow at her.

“Okay,” you tell her. “I trust you.”

John closes her eyes and slowly, tentatively, approaches you– before you can even register what she’s doing your lips meet, and suddenlyyou’re kissing her.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

You grab onto her shirt and push her away. You can’t. You can’t.

“I can’t,” you tell her, your hands shaking. “I can’t.”

“Karkat, I don’t care-”

“You can’t,either! What about Dave? You can’t just- this isn’t fair to him!”

“Wh- he doesn’t care either!” John yells, and your eyeswiden.

“What,” you saydisbelievingly.

“Yeah, we talked about it,” she shrugs. “It was like, ‘HeyDave would you mind if I was poly with you and Karkat?’ and he was like ‘Go foryour life, just leave me out of it’, and so were we are!”

You just sort of stare blankly at her for a few seconds.Dave is… okay with this? SharingJohn? With you?

“Karkat?” John says, flicking her hand in front of youreyes. “Earth to Karkat?”

“Wha…?” you mumble out.

“You okay, dude?”

“I’m just… I don’t know. This is too much.”

“… Would another kiss help?” John suggests tentatively,biting her lower lip.

Would another kiss…

No, you know what? Fuck it. This entire meeting has alreadygone infinitely better than you’d even dared to dream. Future Karkat can worryabout the consequences for once in his miserable life.

And so you answer John’s query by wrapping your arms aroundher and kissing her. She closes her eyes and kisses back, leaning back to layon the ground. She holds you close, her tongue darting out to pry open yourlips – you let her, and your tongues meet.

“Mmn…” she sighs, working one of her hands up yoursweater, stroking your skin. It feels electric – every nerve she touches firingon all cylinders, leaving you wanting more, more.You kiss her harder and she rolls you both over so she’s on top of you, veryobviously grinding her spheres up against your chest. You reach down and grab ahandful of her ass, and she gasps, pulling away from the kiss momentarilybefore your other hand finds the back of her head and pushes your lips backtogether again. You can feel her stroking hand is pinned under you so you archyour back, letting her extract it. She immediately sends it down for acounter-ass-grope, and you sigh into her.

John Egbert is kissing you. This is a thing that ishappening. You’ve got a hand feeling up her butt and a hand on the back of herhead, pushing your mouths together. It’s wonderful. It’s everything you’d hopedit would be.

You remove your hand from the back of her head and squeezeit between you two, kneading one of her breasts. It’s soft, pliable – much likeher ass is – and you don’t want to take your hand away. Your finger catches onthe nub adorning it, already rock-hard, and she gasps. You repeat the motion,tracing circles around her nipple, and she shudders against you, her breathinggetting harder.

You can’t wait any longer. As much as it pains you so youpush John away from your lips, and instruct her. “Clothes. Off.”

She gets the message, rolling off of you and starting tolift her hood and shirt off. You do the same with your sweater and undershirt,before moving onto your pants. You glance over at her and find that she’spaused just shy of taking her panties off, just as you have for your boxers.She’s staring into your eyes, asking for confirmation, and you wordlessly giveit by pulling your underwear down, leaving you fully naked. She quicklyfollows, and you both spin around to take the other in.

And what a sight it is. Her legs thicken and flow upwards,flaring out to encompass that magnificent tush. Her waist curves in for just amoment before widening out again, framing her perfect breasts that would fitperfectly in a single cupped hand. Then her neck, not too slender but not toofat either, holding up the perfect, rounded face of John Egbert. You can seeher giving you the same appraisal, and her gaze catches on your bulge.

“Huh. It’s the same,” she says, non-puzzled.

“Yeah,” you say as your eyes dart down to her bulge. It’serect, standing up at about a 60-degree angle, her foreskin peeled back toreveal half of that ever-so-slightly purple head, wet with pre. It’s wide, but notso wide that one hand couldn’t wrap around it. It’s long, but not so long thatyour insides hurt in sympathy pains.

It’s also really, really pretty. You never thought a bulgecould be pretty, but you just don’thave any other word to describe it. It’s smooth, inviting, and just fits in sowell, like nothing else could possibly be there and look anywhere near asnatural as that cock does.

Just below it, starting where her shaft meets her skin, isher nook. Her outer lips have opened up and you can see she’s wet already. Sheruns a finger down from the tip of her bulge, along her smooth shaft, acrossthe top of her nook, and finally sticking the fingertip inside herself, sighinglightly in contentment.

It’s perfect. She’s perfect.

You shuffle closer to her, reaching out and grasping hershaft in your hand, and pump up and down, testing the waters and gauging herreaction.

Her eyes tell you all you need to know.

You start pumping her, up and down, somewhat awkwardly.You’re not used to doing it from this angle, but after a few false starts youadapt, and John shakes in pleasure. “Karkat…” she groans out, leaning herhead back. “Ah…”

You silence her with a kiss; one she is all too happy toreciprocate.

You can feel her getting harder in your hand as you pump –up and down, up and down. Occasionally you run your thumb across the head, andshe moans into the kiss. After a while you switch targets, moving your handdown to her nook, rubbing her folds and sticking one, then two fingers insideher. She shudders, breaking the kiss and wrapping her arms around yourshoulders, burying her face into your neck.

“Karkat, let me- ah- let me love you too,” she groans, andyeah, some attention on your bulge would be nice. You pull your fingers out ofher, causing her to emit a pleased sigh, and she pulls back, lying down on thefloor, your cock in her face.

“What are you-” you begin asking before you’re interruptedby her tongue running across your head, and suddenly you don’t have any words.

Holy shit, JohnEgbert is licking your bulge, and itfeels superb.

You throw your head back and moan, and apparently John takesthat as a sign that she’s doing good, because she ups the stakes and takes yourtip into her mouth, gently sucking on you. You squeeze your eyes shut.

When you manage to regain some measure of control and lookdown at her, a beautiful sight greets you. John’s taken your entire head intoher mouth, sucking and licking, drool leaking out around her. She’s got hereyes closed, the barest hint of a smile tugging at her lips.

She looks happy. Fulfilled. Like her mouth was always meantto be around your bulge, and she just never knew it.

As she reaches a hand up to stroke the parts of your bulgeshe hasn’t taken in yet, you slowly shuffle over, lying down, making sure Johnis comfortable while you make your way towards her cock. You’d never even considered this before – troll teeth andsoft flesh do not mix well – but if she’s making you feel this good with just her mouth, you’ll be damned if you’re not goingto return the favor.

And so, when your head is finally aligned with her dick, youwrap your lips around it and take it in, just like she did for you. She moansout in pure pleasure, her mouth vibrating around your bulge, causing you tomoan and vibrate around her, heightening her pleasure and causing her to cryout; and thus the cycle continues, your combined pleasure building andbuilding, spreading outwards and merging together into one glorious whole. Johngives out a massive, ear-shattering cry, you taste her material on your tongue,and you can’t hold on any longer. With your last conscious action you removeyour mouth from her dick; your vision whites out, every nerve in your bodylights up, and you call out John’s name.

For a few, blissful seconds, the world is shrunken. No game.No meteor. Not even a floor beneath you. It’s just you and John, wrapped ineach other’s arms, and the energy of a thousand stars burning a fiery rhapsodythrough your veins.

When you come down, the first thing you notice is thatJohn’s mouth isn’t on your bulge anymore. That’s a shame.

The second thing you notice is that John is absolutely drenched with your genetic material.She’s rolling around on the floor, rubbing at her hair and skin, trying to getit off.

And in your sex-addled state, your think-pan decides now isthe time to break down into hysterical laughter.

You shut your eyes and laugh, and laugh, and laugh. It’s just so funny. You have noidea why, but that doesn’t stop thegiggles escaping you.

“Karkat!” John whines. “I can’t get it off!”

“It’s- hehehe- it’s not-” and you’re gone again, unable toget words out behind your boisterous laughter.

When you start regaining your mental faculties, you findJohn staring forlornly at you.

That won’t do. That won’t do at all.

“C’mere” you mumble out, holding your arm out welcomingly.She accepts your offer and snuggles up to you, resting her head in the crook ofyour neck while your arm comes down and pets her in long strokes down herspine. You feel her smile against your flesh, and you smile with her.

“So,” John says aftera minute of snuggling and light kisses, “how did you know me and Dave weretogether anyway?”

“Wha…?” you mumble incoherently.

“Well, you weren’t there for the announcement, so how didyou know?”

Oh.

Oh.

Your cheeks flush red and you look away, John laughing atyou. “You totally peeked on us, didn’t you?”

“Shut up,” you mumble.

“Hey, I won’t tell Dave if you don’t! I just think it’s-”

You interrupt her with a kiss, and her words die in hermouth.

You’ve done some shitty things these past two perigees. Youtook one of your friends and, without consulting them, completely changed theirentire body, all for your own selfish whims; all because you couldn’t take nofor an answer.

And yeah, that was an incredibly fucking awful thing to do.But right here, right now, with a now-female John kissing you deeply,passionately? For once in your life, you can forgive Past Karkat’s colossalfuck-up, just as John forgave you.

You close your eyes, savoring the kiss, and you smile.

—————

Full ask text: Karkatwants to be matesprits with John, but unfortunately, John is Not AHomosexual^TM. After doing some research on human sexuality and discovering thedefinition of being straight is “being attracted to the opposite sex”, Karkatcomes up with the idea of having John turn into a girl. With that definition,that would mean John would then be attracted to boys, and thus Karkat wouldhave a chance. He enlists the help of Feferi, and with her life powers, Johnturns into a girl over the course of a week. After John settles into his newbody, Karkat discovers that his plan worked and John is now attracted to boys –the only problem is it’s not Karkat that John has a crush on.

This was originally going to have a sad ending, as theprompt seemed to ask for, but once I wrote it I decided it didn’t sit rightwith me, and now it’s about double that original length. My writing life in anutshell, basically.

Also, let me know what you thought of the smut scenes. Ican’t figure out whether or not I’m any good at writing them.