#need to just honestly make multiple separate playlists for all of them like i did for Suki....

[helliontherapscallion]

(Y/n) and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week: Thursday (Part 2)

Monday     Tuesday     Wednesday     Thursday (Part 1)     Friday     Saturday     Sunday

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: panic attacks, swearing, puking, concussions, mentions of injuries/bullying, homophobia

Word count: 5,138

After school, you were sitting on the couch as you furiously typed on your keyboard at an extremely fast pace. You were on a roll with these essays, they were probably going to be finished by the time you had to go back to the school to get on the bus with the team. You figured that you could even finish Annie’s essay and get started on Sammy’s US history presentation on the sociopolitical climate of the United States in the mid twentieth century to today. However, instead of covering a variety of topics like the rubric requested you to do, you were only going to talk about the significant events that happened to the LGBT+ community starting with Stonewall and going to Obergefell v. Hodges. You were also going to go in depth about how even if there are more opportunities available and more laws set in place to protect for LGBT+ people in the present then there were in past, members of the LGBT+ community still suffer heavy discrimination in the workplace and in the public. With receipts of course, the assignment required a minimum of three pictures per slide, and the group chat was a perfect source.

After that was done, you would email Sammy’s teacher (you had her last year for US history and you knew that she had a son in the grade below you currently transitioning from female to male) that you were the one that did her project and send screenshots of Sammy calling you slurs. Luckily for you, you had receipts of her being transphobic in the past that you could also send. Everything was effortlessly falling into place for you today. 

As you were typing, the front door swung open and two overly excited fifth graders ran into the house and up the stairs. A tired Schlatt followed them. “I will never know how the hell Phil keeps up with them.” 

“I dunno, maybe because he’s already raised three kids before.”

You watched as your uncle jumped and whipped his head over towards you, his hand clutching his chest. He lightly glared at you, “christ kid don’t do that, you nearly gave me a heart attack.”

You smirked at him before turning back to your laptop to continue typing the essay. You were almost done with the conclusion paragraph on Annie’s essay and you wanted to get to Sammy’s presentation as fast as possible. As you were typing, you felt a warm air fan across your neck and your uncle’s voice right next to your ear, “whatcha typin?”

You lept off the couch and almost fell into the coffee table before steadying yourself and deadpanning at Schlatt. “I was typing an essay before you interrupted me.”

He snorted, “it looked like you were on a roll, just thought I’d see what my beloved niece was writing. Can I read it?” 

Your eyes lit up as an excited grin split your cheeks, “yeah, but lemme catch you up real quick. Adrian, Sammy, and Annie got mad at me a few days ago and wanted me to do some homework for them as a sort of payment. But after they pulled that little stunt in the lunchroom yesterday, they decided to be little bitches to me and call me slurs. So naturally, I decided to change the essay prompt into an in depth analysis about discrimination LGBT people face from their peers on the daily. My english teacher’s really against homophobia and the project’s worth twenty five percent of our overall grade, so it’s perfect.”

While you were rambling on and on about your detailed plot for revenge, Schlatt couldn’t help but be proud of the person you’d become. A major part of him was impressed that you came up with a detailed plan so quickly, that meant that his cunning nature was rubbing off on you and that made him ecstatic. Sure you mentioning not being straight was new to him, but he was prepared to accept you for whatever you identified as. He didn’t care how people identified, he just cared if they were good people. And his niece was one of the best kids he knew. He’d let your slip up slide for now until you felt comfortable enough to properly come out to him. 

“That an amazing plan, fuckin brilliant. Though, you could do more.”

That piqued your interest, “I’m listening.”

“Do you have any blackmail?”

Your eyes glinted with sudden understanding, “why yes I do, uncle dearest. I just so happen to have thousands of texts from them talking shit about each other and basically the entire school. And them being incredibly racist. They would be destroyed if that came out.” 

“Two things. One, never call me that again. Two, perfect. Keep it as leverage if they try to do something. You don’t pull out all the good cards in the first round, you wait for the right moment to strike so you can win. You need to constantly defend yourself against other players and anticipate their every move. If you leak everything right now, you won’t have anything to use against them if they have something up their sleeve you didn’t know about. Patience is key in things like this.”

You absorbed every single word that came out of his mouth like it was the holy gospel. Although he was your uncle and you loved him with all your heart, but he was a sly bastard when he wanted to be. He knew his way around fighting and manipulating people just right, so you were incredibly happy that you were on his good side and he absolutely adored you. Though questionable and morally gray, he was giving you advice because he cared about you and you’d be an idiot to not heed his advice. 

“That’s genius, Uncle Schlatt. What would I do without you?”

“You’d get along just fine without me, you would’ve gotten there eventually. You’re smart. I’m just givin you a little push in the right direction.”

“I honestly would’ve never thought about waiting, I was so dead set on getting revenge that I would’ve just leaked everything all at once. I want them to feel how I felt when they were around me. I-” you paused. Would this make you the same as them? You’d be screwing up all their grades, Adrian’s job, and Sammy’s athletic career. You came to the chilling realization that you’d be the same as them. You’d be as manipulative as they were. “...Uncle Schlatt, would that make me the same as them?”

“Fuck no! You’re always gonna be better than them no matter what. When they’re at their best, you’re always gonna be a whole lot better than them. They deserve what’s happening to them, it sounds like they put you through so much shit the past few years. I actually think you could do a whole lot worse to them if you’re willing to put more work in, but it’s your plan and if you think that what you’re doing is too much,” he darkly chuckled, “you wouldn’t like my idea.”

“You’re right, they deserve everything I have planned for them. God, I don’t know what I was thinking, ‘would that make me the same as them,’” you mocked what you said earlier, “what a load of shit. Anyways, thanks Uncle Schlatt. I’m gonna get back to writing this. They’re due tomorrow and I wanna finish as much as I can before I have to go.”

“Alright, whaddya want for dinner? Phil’s gonna be like thirty minutes late from work so I’m cookin tonight.”

Oh no. No, no, no, no. That man can barley cook boxed mac n cheese, let alone anything else. He’d burn down the house if you left him alone in the kitchen with the stove. “On second thought, why don’t I help you with dinner? We can make some chicken alfredo.”

“Awe, you’d rather hang out with me than finish your homework? Ya really do love me. C’mon let’s start.”

The process of making dinner was… interesting. Multiple times, Schlatt almost spilled boiling water on himself and he even managed to burn the pasta while it was in the water. How he even managed to do that you’d never find out, you had your back turned cutting up vegetables and herbs at the time. That was when you subtly started to take over in the kitchen, giving him smaller tasks while you handled everything else. You felt bad for Tubbo, his father can’t cook for shit. 

By time you finished, about an hour passed and Philza had come home and changed out of his work clothes. The two adults sat at the table discussing something that you didn’t pay attention to while your brothers and cousin were in the living room waiting for you to finish dinner. Finally, you set the table and it was time to eat. 

Because you couldn’t have many fatty foods before any matches or practices, you had made a separate plate for yourself that only had plain pasta, chicken, and broccoli. You were surprised with how well it turned out, you were following an iffy recipe you found on the first link Google brought up. 

After dinner, you went upstairs to put your uniform on and pack a little bag full of things you might need: a small blanket, some snacks, a water bottle, and a portable charger. Oh, and fuzzy socks and a pair of crocs. You could never go wrong with fuzzy socks and crocs. Feeling a vibration in your pocket, you pulled out your phone.

Hales : )

(Y/n), I’m omw to your house

Gonna give you a ride to the school

(Y/n)

Hales you don’t have to give me a ride, I can drive

Hales : )

Don’t care

Omw, be there in like 7 mins

You swiped out of yours and her conversation and opened up the family group chat

(Y/n)

I don’t need a ride to the school, Haley’s giving me one

She’s gonna give me a ride home too

Dadza

Alright, thank her for me

Tell her I said good luck too!

Uncle Schlatty Patty

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do

Dadza

(Y/n), do everything he wouldn’t do

Uncle Schlatty Patty

Fuck you I’m a good influence

Dadza

You’re really not

Wilby

^^^^

Technology Sword

^

Uncle Schlatty Patty

Fuck all of you 

You heard Haley’s car pull into the driveway and dashed out of your room with your bag. Just as you put your hand on the doorknob, a hand stopped you.

“Coat.”

You grumbled as you reached past Philza to grab your coat. After you slipped it on, you were pulled into a hug. “You’re gonna do great out there. I know you’re gonna win this, we’ll be watching in the stands.”

“Damn right she’s gonna do good, she’s my niece after all.”

Schlatt pulled you away from your father’s hug and tried to ruffle your hair before you swatted away his hand, “don’t. You have no idea how long it took me to get a perfect ponytail. I have an ungodly amount of hairspray and bobby pins in my hair right now.”

“Fine. You’re gonna kick their asses tonight.”

Tommy and Tubbo pushed past Schlatt and both tackled you into a hug making you stumble slightly back. 

“Kick their asses good (y/n)!” Tommy cheered, making you crack up before one stern glance from Philza completely stopped you. “Tommy, don’t say that. (Y/n), not funny.”

“Alright, Haley’s waiting for me. I gotta go, love you guys!” As you turned to walk through the door, you could hear your family following you and shouting “good luck”. You felt heat creep up on your cheeks as Haley rolled down her window and wove at your family with the biggest grin on her face. 

“Thank you! We’re gonna take home the gold for sure!”

You hopped in her car as she rolled up the window and chuckled. “I love your family, they’re always so full of energy. It’s refreshing to see compared to how boring my family is.”

You glanced at your entire family gathered on the front porch. Tommy and Tubbo were practically vibrating with excitement, Wilbur and Techno calmly smiled and wove at you, Philza was grinning widely at you as you saw his mouth forming words that you couldn’t hear or read, and Schlatt was grinning cheekily at you. You raised your hand to wave at them as they vanished from view when Haley pulled out of your driveway. You smiled softly, “I love em too.”

The car ride was relatively quick with the same soft indie pop music floating from the speakers and an easy going conversation with Haley about the match tonight. You both thought that you could beat the other team if everyone focused 100% and played exactly like you guys did in practices. If everyone did that, you would be unstoppable. 

Luckily for you and Haley, you were the first ones in line to board the bus so you two got the back seat with Zara and Jazzy sitting across from you guys. The hour long bus ride passed quickly and lively with you four passing around your phone and playing some mad libs, you were sure that by the end of the last game you four were laughing and crying. Sometime in the middle of the trip, you noticed that Haley would start to lean on your shoulder and continuously glance at you as she laughed. You desperately wanted to believe that it was because she liked you, but she was straight and she was your best friend. She was probably trying to make sure you were having a good time. 

When the team had gotten to the opposing school and left the locker room to stretch in the gym, you could hear your family start to scream your and Haley’s names from the front row next to you, Tommy and Tubbo being the loudest amongst them with Philza trying to get them to quiet down so you could focus. You felt your cheeks heat up as you smiled at them and Haley wove enthusiastically back at them. Zara was laughing at you two. Stretching went by in a flash and before you knew it, you were on the court facing the opposing team. 

The first match was won by the opposing team by five points. The second match stretched on and on until it was won by your team narrowly by two points. The team was going to have to shape up in the third match if you guys wanted a chance at winning, the opposing team was good. Before the third match started, Coach Williams called for a time out so you guys could talk about strategy. Before Haley could go back onto the court, you pulled her aside.

“Hales, we need to do what we practiced. The other team won’t be expecting it at all, I’ve been setting you up this entire game. They’re never going to expect you setting me up for a spike.”

“When are we going to do it though? We need a better plan.”

“I’m sure the opportunity will come and both of us will recognize it. We just can’t do it too early in the game though, that’ll ruin their surprise.”

“(Y/n), I hope you know what you’re doing.”

“When do I not Hales? We gotta get gold this year.”

The third round went by with both teams constantly swapping places until you both were tied fifteen to fifteen. You saw the ball flying towards Haley, giving her the perfect opportunity to set you up for a spike.  “HALEY NOW!” 

You watched as her face hardened in determination as she pretended like she was going to spike it by jumping high in the air and stretching her arms back, making the opposing front row players all gather in front of her. Much to their surprise, she launched it towards you as you leaped up and went for the kill. The stinging of the ball hit by your wrist and the smack sound the ball made when it slammed onto the open gym floor was something you’d never forget as the crowd around you went wild over the unexpected play. You could hear the high pitched screaming of Tommy and Tubbo over everybody else. Glancing at them over your shoulder, you saw them jumping up and down on the gym floor and looking at you with awe filled eyes and gaping mouths. The rest of your family looked at you with similar expressions, their cheers echoing in your mind. Winking at them, you turned back to your team and went straight to Haley. Clapping a hand on her shoulder, you pulled her into a quick hug, yelling over the raving of the crowd. “HALEY WE NAILED THAT!” 

“HOLY SHIT I DID NOT THINK THAT WAS ACTUALLY GONNA WORK!”

“You have such little faith in your setter! You wound me Hales.”

“Well, I would have more faith in you if you weren’t chaotic on the court, sweetheart.”

You felt yourself surge in happiness at the nickname, but you couldn’t afford to focus too much on it. Your team only needed one more point to win best in the state and go to nationals. It would be the first time in your team’s history if you reached national level, and you’d be damned if you were the one to screw it up for them. 

The last rotation went on for a while, each team fighting tooth and nail for the state championship title with clashing determination. You tried your best to block every hit and try to set Haley up for a spike, and you were successful for the most part, only missing a few blocks. You saw the setter adjacent to you set the spiker up for a spike and jumped up in time to try to block it, your arms stretched upwards and your palms out. Only, the ball didn’t hit your hands. It collided painfully with your nose, ricocheted off your face with a thwack and sailed over to the other side of the court. Your head whipped back as your body followed suit and flew backwards onto the floor. Without giving you any time to react, your head bounced back and cracked against the polished hardwood floor of the gym. Everything went black. 

“...(y……”

“..(y/n)......”

“(Y/n).”

You faintly heard someone calling someone’s name over the continuous ringing noise. Was it your name? It felt right, so it had to be your name. You peeled your eyes open to see a blurry figure hovering over you. It was swirled with tans, browns, and backs. After a while of the figure repeating your name, it slowly became more recognizable, albeit appearing twice in your vision. It took you a while to figure out who this was before your muddled brain recognized Haley.

“Hales! There’s two o’ya. Twice as beautiful babe…” You slurred out as you attempted to smile at her.

“Oh thank god, PLEASE WE NEED A DOCTOR SHE HIT HER HEAD!” Her usually angelic voice gritted against your brain like sandpaper making you cringe as pain exploded in your head.

“God babe you’re so loud, why’s so bright? I-wha's goin on?” You blearily tried to move your head to look around only to be stopped by a pair of large hands on each side of your head gently holding it in place. You moved your laggy eyes around to look at the figure. He was a blonde man with blue eyes and a hint of stubble on his chin. His eyebrows were knitted together and he looked… he looked… your brain worked to figure out why he looked how he looked. Who was he?

“Please don’t move hun.” His muffled voice was baritone. You squinted at him trying to figure out who this man was.

“Who th f-fuck… why?”

“I’m your dad hun. Do-do you not recognize me?” You made a noise in the back of your throat as your stuffy brain finally put a name to the face.

“Dad- wha’s goin on? I’on feel so good…”

“Shh, I know, I know. Just stop moving and talking. Everything’s fine. I’m here. You’re okay.”

“Mmk… Dad, where are we? I’ont know- you’re so quiet.”

“Stop moving so much. You’re on the floor in a gym. You just won your team the state championship. Now stop talking please.”

Huh. So that’s why everybody seemed to appear from above you. You strained your eyes to look around you, but you could only see your dad’s face hovering above you. “Shit I- who’s aroun’ me? Where’s Hales?”

“I’m right here sweetheart. I got the doctor, Mr. Minecraft.”

Your dad’s face moved away from your vision so fast that it made your head spin and your stomach twist. Another face appeared above you that you once again didn’t recognize.

“I’m Doctor Martin, can you tell me your first and last name?”

“Uh, (y/n) Minecraft?”

“Good, what month are we in right now?”

“Nov-November?”

“Close, it’s late October. Can you tell me who this,” he pointed to your dad, “is?”

“S’my dad Phillip.”

“That’s your dad Philza.”

The questioning stopped as he suddenly shined a blinding light into your sensitive eyes. You hissed as you tried to move your head away from the offending light only to be held in place by your dad’s hands. Your head spun as you moved too quickly and a wave of nausea hit you, making you groan and move your arm to cover your eyes. Your hand was stopped by something warm and soft wrapping around it and holding it tightly. Everything was so overwhelmingly and painfully bright and loud. You wanted to make it stop. 

“Mr. Minecraft, your daughter appears to have a concussion. I don’t have the tools on hand to determine the severity of it, but it’s worrying that her pupils are asymmetrical, she’s delirious, and has slight memory loss. I understand you live about an hour away from here, and it’s alright for you to take her to a hospital closer to your house. Make sure you keep her alert.”

Your delirious mind only registered about half of what came out of the doctor’s mouth. You mumbled gibberish as you once again opened your eyes to look around. You were only briefly able to crane your neck to the left. Several figures large and small were standing behind your dad. Your family, your mind supplemented. Slowly, your mind was starting to recognize your surroundings even if there was currently double of everything and everything was blurry.

“I’m going to help you stand up. Do ya think you can do that?”

“Yeah Dad.” You lifted your upper body off from the ground with a gentle hand on your back helping you sit up. Fighting the wave of nausea that slapped you in the face, you reached up to rub at your eyes. A hand once again stopped you. You peeked your eyelids open and lightly glared at whomever stopped you. “Hales you’re lucky you’re so cute I woulda slapped you. I like holdin but you’re bein annoying. Stop.” You attempted to make your voice sound firm, but the words that came out of your mouth were slightly slurred.

She was silent as she helped her dad haul you to your feet. Once on your feet, you saw the room spin and felt yourself start to sway slightly. An arm wrapped itself around your shoulders and pulled you close to them so that your weight was supported. They were a little taller than you were making it easy to lean on them. 

“...Can you walk?” A deep, monotone voice rumbled the chest of the person you were leaning against. 

“Mhm. ‘M not weak.” Though your limbs felt like they were made of molasses, you placed one foot in front of the other slowly. The person moved alongside you, “you’re doing so good, keep going.” That sparked familiarity in you as you stopped in your tracks and tried to look up at the person you were leaning against making the person tighten their arm around your shoulders when you almost fell over.

“Tech?”

“Yeah, it’s Technoblade. Just focus on walking. You’re almost out of the gym.”

When you realized that you were out of the gym, you sighed in relief. It was so much quieter and darker. Though it was still relatively bright, it was better than the gym. 

“S’better.”

“When we get her to the car we can give her some sunglasses or something if it’s still too bright for her.”

“Wilbs-”

“Focus on walking.”

You huffed in irritation, “don’ tell me what to do bitch.”

You felt Techno’s body jolt slightly as he chuckled, making your head throb at the sudden movement. “Just walk.”

When you walked outside, you shivered as you felt the cool air nip at your exposed skin. Right, you were in your volleyball uniform. “I’ll go pull the car around, you guys stay with her.” 

You saw a tall brunet start to walk away from you. Uncle Splat? Uncle Schmat? Whatever his name was, you were sure he was your uncle. You tried to snuggle closer to Techno, craving warmth but never being satisfied. Where was your uncle? 

After a while, you saw a car moving towards you and blinding light pointed right at you making you cringe away and groan. Techno started to slowly walk towards the car. “C’mon (y/n), you’re almost there. When you’re in the car you can relax.”

“Tommy, Tubbo, and Techno, you’re in the back row. Schlatt can drive and Wil, you’re taking the passenger seat. I’ll stay with her in the middle row so she can have some room to lay down.” Tommy and Tubbo were with you? Why weren’t they talking, they usually were very vocal.

“Tom, Tubbs didja like the game?”

They didn’t say anything as they climbed into the car. Did they not hear you? 

“They’re just… tired (y/n).” Your dad’s voice reassured you as he took Techno’s place holding you up. 

“I wanna nap. ‘M so tired.”

“You can’t sleep yet. We gotta get you to a doctor first.”

“Mm. Makes sense.”

“Let’s get you in the car hun.”

As he helped you climb into the car, you felt an overwhelming wave of nausea wash over you making you lose your balance and almost faceplant into the cloth seats. You felt yourself being gently, yet urgently taken out of the car and led to grass as you felt your esophagus shorten. Something burning made its way up your throat and spewed into the grass. You felt someone rubbing your back as you puked up your dinner. 

When you were done, you reached up with a shaking hand to wipe your mouth. “You feelin better? Think you can get back into the car or do you need to sit down for a bit?”

“Car.”

After some difficulty, you were successfully in the middle row of the car laying down with your head on Philza’s lap. Soon enough, your shoes were taken off and a blanket was draped over you. 

“(Y/n), what do you remember?”

You scrunched up your face as you squinted at Philza’s face. “I remember playing volleyball with Hales. She’s so pretty, she’s straight though. I remember the other team hitting the ball, me jumping, then nothin. Wha’ happened?”

You watched as Philza winced, “well, you got everything right so far. You got hit in the face with the ball so you fell and hit your head on the floor. You were passed out for a minute before you woke up. It was a pretty nasty fall, we’re going to the hospital now. How’re ya feelin?”

“Head hurts, ‘m seein two of everything, an I can’t think.”

“Do you know what a concussion is?” You nodded in his lap slightly, “you probably have one.”

After a while of talking, you were slowly starting to come to your senses and your speech was clearing up, but your head was still too stuffy to think about what you were saying before you said it. You didn’t have a filter.

“Do you wanna tell us about your week so far? Do you remember most of it?”

“Mhm, it was shit. On Monday I had a panic attack and Adrian, Sammy, and Annie were being bitches to me all day. They fucked up my back. On Tuesday, they got mad at me for ditching them and they had me do their homework, had another panic attack, and Haley told me that someone took pictures of our boobs ‘n stuff and they were gonna leak it to the school if Haley didn’t stop hanging out with me. Haley and I almost kissed, but she’s straight. Pulled an all nighter and Wednesday I accidentally came out to Tech and Wil and had another panic attack. Annie, Adrian, and Sammy took more pictures of me through my window, Annie outed me to the entire school and slapped me. Another panic attack, skipped the last two classes and felt like shit the entire practice. Today Adrian and Sammy told me to kill myself and I had another panic attack. ’S about it.”

As you were going through your week, the hand that was previously gently stroking your hair had frozen as the car was enveloped in a tense silence. Luckily, Tommy and Tubbo were passed out in the back seat so they didn’t hear how bad your week was. Everyone awake knew that you had a few bad days this week, but they didn’t know the full extent of it. You watched as Philza’s expression had turned downright murderous, but you didn’t really care. You were busy talking about your week.

For the rest of the car ride, Philza asked you simple questions like what your favorite color was, your favorite animal, basically your favorite everything. Eventually, the car pulled into the hospital parking lot and Philza helped you get out of the car. “Schlatt, can you take the boys home so they can get some rest? I’ll stay with her.” 

“Yeah, I’m on it. Don’t cause too much trouble (y/n), we all know you can raise hell.” He watched you for a reaction, but when you didn’t react, he coughed. “Well, I’ll see ya later kid. Good luck.”

The car drove off leaving you and Philza at the front of the emergency room building. “It’s gonna be a long night (y/n).”

“I gotta finish Annie’s essay and Sammy’s presentation though.”

“No you don’t, I’ll email your teachers.”

You two checked in with the front desk before moving to sit on the uncomfortable chairs. It was going to be a long night. You were so tired.

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[jjksblackgf]

soft cushion

pairing — kim seokjin x black female reader genre — smut word count — 2k summary — “His favorite view was, now, the contrast between the melanin of your skin and the red lingerie he bought for you as you danced on his lap” warning — explicit sexual content, lap dancing, dry humping, cunnilingus, fingering, face sitting, multiple orgasms, soft dirty talk, cussing; honestly, just your basic filth

a/n  — omg, I’m just so excited for this series! This is just a few of the naughty, filthy, nasty shit that I imagine with the members, I hope they don’t get offended or anything skjsksjksj I had the idea with the Jungkook one-shot that will come later in the series, but I won’t take anymore of your time with this note. The goodies will be under the cut, enjoooy <3

Tour. That was the word that you’ve been hearing the most for the past three months. All the preparations, the extra practices, all the rehearsals, and Jin with his mind all over the place because he thinks he’s not focusing enough.

To be honest, you always thought he had the coolest job. He can travel all around the world and see the faces of many, many fans. And the best part was to see the sparkle in his eyes as he told you all the good things that his job had to offer.

But it wasn’t always the best, and it is one of the hardest jobs out there. To you, it was particularly hard when you had to be separated. Which was about to start tomorrow.

His first show in Seoul would be in a couple of days, and you decided that it would be in his best interest if he just focused 100% on his job. Him having to come to your apartment late at night just to leave early in the morning was not the best choice, especially if the dorm was closer to the company.

So, to have a “goodbye party”, you wanted to give Jin a lapdance. He loves when you dance for him. He loves to see how sexy you look wearing nothing but your confidence. And some high heels.

You’ve been planing on this for the past week or so, and you wanted to set up a moody room that would be engraved in his memory. It had to be perfect because your man deserves the best. 

After half a day decorating your room, everything was ready for his arrival. Now you just had to wait for him to come home.

You heard the front door unlock and went to take your place in the bathroom, as you wanted him to imagine what was going to happen before you came to his view.

“Babe?” he called, but you didn’t answer. He saw rose petals in the living room that gave a trail to your bedroom. He was now intrigued and excited. Most of his tiredness was now replaced by his horny instincts.

It wasn’t the first time you surprised him like this before he went on tour. He was expecting something to happen in the bedroom, as it’s where the usual surprises had taken place. But this rose petal shit had his senses tingling.

He quickly dropped his bag on the sofa and rushed to the bedroom. He opened the door and the first thing he noticed was the dim lights, followed by the aroma of vanilla-scented candles. “This is nice”, he thought.

He looked to his left and saw more candles and an improvised tent above the bed, made of a bedsheet and Christmas lights with a few throw pillows placed in a chair with a note that read “seat here”.

He cheered a little and eagerly obeyed.

“I’m sitting, babe” He let you know out loud and you could see the smile on his face just by the sound of his voice. And that was your cue to put on your favorite mood playlist and Jin knew he was in for a show. He grinned widely as he recognized the song.

“Are you ready, baby?” you said coming out of the bathroom. You walked and took your place in front of him, legs slightly apart and hand on your hips. His jaw dropped slightly as he looked at you. 

You were wearing the red lingerie that he bought you, knowing it would compliment your melanin. He was absolutely right. You moved to his side and whispered to his ear: “No touching”

A shiver took control of his spine as he gulped loudly. He dried his sweaty palms in his jeans, that were now outlining his hard bulge. You leaned back and placed your right foot in between his tighs, he widened them more, your heels making slight contact with his dick. He hissed.

You looked down and noticed his growth, smirking.

“We can take care of that later” you said, making Jin look a you “But know, just follow my hands”

You moved your hands to your face and winked at him as he smiled and made himself more relaxed in his chair. You then moved them to your neck, scratching it slightly with your nails. You closed your eyes and move your head side to side.

Opening your eyes and making eye contact with Jin as you slowly moved your palms to cup your breasts. He licked his plump lips as you squeezed them. 

Your hands headed down to your crotch, but before you could touch it, you removed your leg from the chair and turned with the beat of the music.

You started to move your hips, hands caressing your sides as they went up to your hair. You looked back to see Jin moving his eyes from your ass to your eyes. 

You close your eyes again to get into the music. Your hands were now doing their best to slowly move down your back, palming your ass and bending over slightly. Jin moaned as you scratched your skin again, this time leaving a faint mark.

You then squatted down, Jin now seeing your side profile. You caressed your thighs and send him a kiss as you came to all fours and crawled to his front. He bit his lips and smirked.

With your hand on his knees, you danced your way to his lap, first standing up, then turning your back at his chest and sitting right at his crotch.

You leaned back on him as you body-rolled, wanting really bad for him to touch you. But he was always a good boy.

You placed your legs right by his outer thighs and leaned forward to hold his knees again. This time with the perfect leverage to grind on his dick.

“Fuck!” He screamed. “Please let me touch you” he begged

“Why do you want to touch me, baby?” you asked “To rub my ass faster on your dick?” And just because of your words, you decided to grind even slower

Jin took a deep breath and tried to control the urge to touch you, he knew his good behavior always paid off.

Looking at your ass move back and forth and then up and down would be tattooed in his eyelids for the rest of your days apart, he was sure of that. It would make the list of his top favorite views. 

His favorite view was, now, the contrast between the melanin of your skin and the red lingerie he bought for you as you danced on his lap. That’s definitely his number 1.

You were getting tired of this dance, and you were getting wetter and wetter with every grind, so you decided to finalize it.

You set up straight, grabbing Jin’s hands and placing them on your thighs “Time for your reward” you said looking at him. He widened his eyes as you moved his hands to cup your breasts. He wasted no time and grabbed them firmly, making you moan.

You made sure his fingers came in contact with the front hook of your bra. He took the hint and easily opened them, throwing them on the floor.

You danced a little more as you moved his hands on your sides, stopping at the hem of your panties, you stood up and let his thumbs slide your panties off as you bent over, exposing your wet core.

That was it for him. He couldn’t take it anymore. He needed you. He needed to be between your legs, tasting you, making you moan as many times as possible.

“Babe” he pleaded with a sweet voice. You could never say no to him when he asked like that, so you both stood up and you pushed him to the bed, then getting on top of him. He kissed you firmly, holding your sides. His lips were soft against yours, your tongues melding against each other.

You grabbed a chunk of his hair as he deepened the kiss. He moved both of you so he could be on top, one of his thumbs drawing circles against your waist, the other cupping one of your tits.

He let a loud moan as you bit his lower lip, placing both of your tighs on his sides. He moved his hand to your core and circled your clit with his thumb, making you drop his lips to moan loudly.

He then inserted his two fingers in you and moved them back and forth slowly to concentrate on not dropping the friction on your clit.

But he couldn’t concentrate enough, he wanted to hear you moan once more, so he focused on working your sweet spot, hitting it with the speed of the music. 

He wanted to hear your moans from the VIP section, so he buried his head on the crook of your neck, placing soft kisses at your collarbones. The sensation of his kisses and fingers were too good for you, so good that you needed more.

Your hands went to move around your clit as the other held tight at the same chunk of his hair. The more in sync you both stimulated your sensitive spots, the tighter was the knot forming in your belly.

Jin noticed you were close by the way you were clenching on his fingers and knew just how to push you over the edge. “Cum for me, baby” he whispered in your ear. His velvety voice was always your breaking point. You reached your first orgasm of the night with a scream, and Jin stopped all his movements to help you calm down.

But you were ready for the next one and your hips moved in search of more friction. “Do you want to cum again, my love?” He asked softly 

“Yes” you answered

“Tell me how” he demanded.

“On your lips” you whispered. His eyes darkened at the sight of you massaging your tits, and he considered just lowering his head and doing what you wanted him to.

But you were his queen, and this was going to be his last hit for a while, he wanted you to remember this night too. So he decided that his lips would be the soft cushion of your throne.

He took off his clothes to make himself more comfortable and he laid on the bed. “My face is your throne, sit where you belong”

And so you did. You placed one leg over him and sitted facing his dick, his plump lips waiting to please you.

He first wetted his lips and kissed your outer lips, then placing his tongue out and flicking it over your clit before sucking it in.

You arched your back and moaned his name. He grabbed you by the hips and placed you lower so the suction could be deeper.

You arched forward and placed your hands on his chest. He placed his tongue out, so you rode it back and forth, your entrance making contact with the tip of his nose. 

The sight of his dick throbbing and wanting to be used made you salivate and made you wetter, the extra juices going directly on Jin’s top lip. He moaned with your taste and sucked your clit once more.

He then placed you again on your back, with your knees now on his shoulders. He placed his fingers inside you once more, but this time his lips went to your clit.

He moved his head side to side as he licked your clit, contrasting with the in and out movements of his hands.

The knot on your belly returned as he continued the combination of suction and fingering, only taking a couple of minutes to make you cum once again.

He laid on your side as you took a few deep breaths. You look to your side and you both smiled. “My turn” you tuned, more than happy to be the one to make him cum just like you did.

[cheesyficwriter]

okay but prompt 29 in wich ron is realising he has feelings for hermione, and he's all "she's so annoying when she does that cute nose crunch when she's mad at me!" or something like that it's up to you hahaha

Hiya, anon! Happy Fluffy Friday! I really enjoyed writing this little drabble from Ron's POV 😊 while writing, a song came on from my playlist called "This Is How You Fall In Love", by Jeremy Zucker & Chelsea Cutler, which screamed Romione vibes and gave me inspiration for the title. Enjoy 💜

This Is How You Fall In Love

Hermione Granger. The bane of my existence. 

Perhaps that's a bit dramatic. But lately, that girl has a knack for driving me absolutely barmy. 

I mean, I really shouldn't be too surprised. I thought she was downright mental when we first met. How did I not-so-eloquently put it again? Oh yeah, I believe I called her a nightmare. Not my finest hour, mind you, but I like to think it was because of my initial lack of tact that we actually ended up friends in the first place. 

I used to call her a know-it-all to her face out of irritation, but now I find it amusing to say and enjoy watching her squirm. It's an affectionate saying now, a term of endearment, if you will. 

Like right now, we're lounging in the common room, both with our backs pressed up against the legs of opposite sofas, sitting crisscross on the floor and facing each other. She is rambling on about some potion, Merlin knows what, and I'm busy observing the way her curls fall in front of her nose when she tilts her head down to zero her gaze on the book open on her lap. 

"Ron...are you even listening to me?" 

It still baffles me that she hasn't figured out by now the obvious answer to that question. 

I've spent the entire evening so far listening to her fret over essays that aren't even due for weeks and complain about my lack of motivation to work on an assignment that I fully intend to hand in tomorrow, whether it's completed or not. 

Ron, you need to take your classes more seriously.

OWLS are coming up soon.

Ron, I'm not going to revise your essays last minute anymore. 

She's quite bossy, that one. Always feels like she can tell me what I can or can't do. However, even I have to admit at this point that she is my moral compass. 

Yes, her attention to detail can be aggravating at times, but she's saved my arse on multiple occasions (as well as Harry's) so I don't have much of an argument there. 

"Ron, honestly, sometimes I think you couldn't care less about your studies,” she huffs at me. She’s clearly searching for a row and I’m always a willing participant.  

"For a know-it-all, it sure took you a hot minute to figure that one out, dinnit?" I keep my voice playful and grin cheekily at her, but the joke doesn't seem to be well-received. She is glaring daggers through my eyes, obviously not amused in the slightest. 

Now I've done it. 

I can be a bit snarky towards her at times, I know that. Sometimes, she deserves it. Other times, it’s just fun to get a reaction out of her. I don't always know why I find it so pleasurable. 

She often scrunches up her nose in a particular way when she's mad at me, much like she is doing right now, and I go back and forth on finding it cute or annoying. I s'pose it depends on her overall mood level. If I rile her up too much, I end up regretting it for the rest of the evening because she just won't bloody shut up.

We’re so used to being at odds with one another, it feels only natural at this point to seek out ways to start a bickering match. She is the only person in the world that I can go weeks without speaking to and still feel like we’re going to come out on the other side alright. Oftentimes it’s my fault, sure, but if I just give her some time and space, eventually we manage to sort ourselves out.

I just have to tread carefully. 

She's forcefully turning the pages in her book, making a show to clue me in on how vexed she is. I make my move to alleviate the tension in the room. After scribbling a few notes on a piece of parchment, I work to get her attention,

“Psst!”

Hermione jerks her head up at the sound and eyes me suspiciously. Before she has the chance to look away, I quickly turn my page so that she can attempt to read the large, block letters written in my untidy scrawl across the slightly ink-smudged parchment. 

I WROTE THIS FOR YOU.

“See? I’m working!” I lightly chuckle, waiting eagerly for any positive sign. 

Finally, she curves her lips upward into a small smile.

Victory.

My stomach twists into knots, and I do my best to quell the nervous energy that bubbles inside of me. Why am I so damn nervous around her all the time?

She is my best friend...right?

I watch her closely as she untangles her legs from their current position, and opts to stretch them out on the floor, her feet now facing me. Without thinking, almost as if my own legs are being magnetically pulled, I move to mirror hers. Mine are so long that our toes brush together, only separated by a thin layer of socks, as they meet in the middle. 

Is that a...blush?

She is so fucking adorable. 

We don't...touch very often. In fact, now that I think about it, she very rarely even hugs me. Not in the way she runs straight into Harry's arms to greet him at the start of term or to congratulate him after winning a Quidditch match. All I seem to get are awkward handshakes and half-ridden smiles. 

But...her reaction has left me curious. So, I decide to experiment. 

I point my big toe forward, slowly nudging my way in between two of her littlest toes. I think I hear an audible squeak coming from her side of the room. The response satisfies me and I flex my toe back for a moment before repeating the action. 

This time, I feel her toes gently nudge mine back. 

Are we...playing footsie? 

She is trying desperately not to look at me, I realize that now, although I can still see the tint of pink on her cheeks despite her bowed head and feeble concentration on the book in front of her. 

I almost chuckle out loud, but I restrain myself, not wanting to give the game away.

And then, she does something that makes me freeze in my spot. 

She fucking bites her lip. Bloody hell. 

My eyes bulge out and my palms start to sweat. My heart is now racing so fast in my chest that I'm afraid she'll be able to hear the rapid hammering. 

"Ron, are you okay?" She's looking at me now with worry in her eyes, her forehead creasing over in confusion. 

I clear my throat and let out a strangled, "Y-yeah." 

She tilts her head to the side, clearly not believing my weak lie. She opens her mouth to say something, and I'm prepared for the lecture, but for the first time, it doesn't come. In fact, she simply closes the gap between her lips and resumes her reading as if nothing happened. 

What was she going to say? 

She stands abruptly and announces that she needs to go to the loo. Her hand lingers on my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze as she passes by me. 

I seem to be back at square one, feeling a sense of loneliness as I gaze at the spot that she had just occupied. You’d think I’d know my best friend pretty well, but Hermione is one puzzle I’m not sure I’ll ever solve. 

Yet, I love the thrill I get from trying to figure her out. I love that she challenges me and that I can challenge her right back. I love that I never get bored with her. As much as I love to poke fun at her incessant nagging, I love that she cares enough to push me to do better. I love...her. 

[transsexualhamlet]

sherlock holmes reactions part 4 (?) ive lost count already but unsurprisingly ive grown even more attached to him

using this as the cover image because i made him a playlist. cause im awful

no legit this is gonna need a read more because it's SO LONG SHIHEWIESHEFSHIEWHF

Had three mental breakdowns this week and realized i do in fact kin sherlock motherfucking holmes. this does not bode well for anything in my life mentally I've diagnosed him with so many things

Oh boy lol you want the list I think hes autistic (undisputed honestly) plus also adhd but on top of that there's the manic depression and uhhh the bpd lmao I dont even think that's it those are just. the obvious ones

But yeah man's a fucking mess and a shit person but in the same way as me so 👍

Some highlights I thought were very funny:

watson: we are in fact going to be waltzing into a place where people are Shooting People you do not have your gun. this is a problem

sherlock: don't worry watson I have my trusty stick!

watson: visible pain

This clearly happens like every day or so with them

but yeah there were some really honestly sweet scenes with them at the apartment and why am i getting soft over the crusty man being gay

have you considered tho. have you considered them

have you considered sherlock, who usually only plays absolute garbage on his violin serenading watson to sleep when he was tired and in pain and watson being so fucking in love with the man and waxing poetic about falling asleep to his music and waking up to see him fallen asleep on the couch next to him and oh my god them

They're just really sweet together for such a completely dysfunctional couple so much of the time lol I just. Sherlock being like.

Sherlock half of the time: watson you're fucking stupid. no i won't take care of my personal needs stfu. watson get a goddamn life. watson shut up. watson no one cares about your goddamn opinion. no i need to disturb you in the middle of the night it's for science. hey watson mind if i manipulate mansplain malewife

Sherlock the other half of the time: HELLO SIR YOU ARE MY FAVORITE MAN TO EVER MAN HELLO MAY I SPEND THE REST OF MY DAYS WITH YOU HELLO I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU WE ARE PERFECT MATCHES I LOVE YOU AND I NEED YOU YOURE SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME PLEASE MARRY ME

They're... they certainly are.

ALSO OH MY GOD.

THIS ONE TIME WHEN SHERLOCK WAS JUST PACING AROUND THE ROOM AT 3 AM GOING "IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE >:(((" AND HUDSON LIKE BARGED IN TO COMPLAIN AND THEN WATSON WAS LIKE DUDE YOU GOTTA STOP DOING THIS AND PROCEEDS TO SAY THE LINE "YOU ARE KNOCKING YOURSELF UP, OLD MAN"

BAHGHSFHGRHEWHEWHIFEW

BRB SOBBING

CALLING HIM AN OLD MAN???? KNOCKING HIMSELF UP?? I DONT KNOW WHATS FUNNIER

The main highlight of this part was I have now gotten to see him have a great time watching his homo homie get married

Its so fucking funny.......

I was prepared for a funny reaction by yuumori sherlock's face when he said it lol but. Damn i was really not prepared tbh

watson: I'm engaged!

sherlock: *pained groaning*

watson: do you... not like her?

sherlock: no she's fine she's great you'll be wonderful together bUT I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE HETEROSEXUAL WATSON DO I HAVE TO MARRY MYSELF THEN WATSON? ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME MARRY MYSELF.

watson: yeah... yeah... fair, I feel really bad because you did this whole case and I got a girlfriend out of it and all you got was me leaving you alone fuck man im sorry what are you gonna do without me

sherlock, highly sarcastic: dont worry watson I've always got my handy cocaine! *pulls it out and gets high in front of watson just as he's about to leave*

watson: *in fucking agony*

sherlock: good for you!

I DONT EVEN- THIS SCENE KILLED ME MULTIPLE TIMES OVER WHAT

ITS SO GODDAMN NONCHELANT ABOUT IT SHERLOCK IS JUST LIKE YEAH I WILL IN FACT NOT BE MENTALLY HEALTHY IF YOU ARE NOT WITH ME 24/7 BUT WHATEVER YOU DO YOU /S

I'd like to apologize to watson on sherlock's behalf lmao. man is being a bit too codependent on main

The last thing about sign of four I do need to address is yeah, there's the Horrific Amounts Of Racism in that one and the whiplash hearing it is just ridiculous because they seem to be so knowledgeable in all other areas and fairly... politically correct, taking sherlock's original misogyny as a purposeful character flaw, but then they just mention someone indigenous once and suddenly its all parrotting racist propaganda and just... really awful shit. There's no way I'm gonna speak for the group that just got absolutely hate crimed here but anyone can tell the author just has no clue what he's fucking talking about and it's physically painful.

And I don't know, it's just so bad it seems out of character? Doyle's making these motherfuckers say shit that honestly, Sherlock would know better about. And especially Watson. Come on, you cannot tell me watson is mentally capable of being prejudiced against someone. Please do not make him that way.

I'm not sure how to handle it specifically, or what's the proper way I should handle something like that in a media I otherwise like. Is it ok to say Doyle was clearly a piece of shit on the matter and separate those characters from his bias or is that insensitive?

I don't know, I was Not a fan of it and I'm glad to see they've at least finally shut up about the guy

But anyway yeah, uhhhh onto the short stories because I'm trying to read those before I get to the final problem

Scandal in Bohemia was a fucking ride, first of all, before we even get to Sherlock's girlboss arc we have to discuss how gay the whole situation was and how Doyle's attempt at making them less gay failed spectacularly

Like he's all "ah yes I need to marry off watson and uhhh make sherlock ummmm interact with a woman so they dont look gay" but he does it SO BADLY that it makes them look EVEN GAYER

cause i mean, even the conversation they had about watson getting married back in sign of four was gay af, but how Doyle handled things afterward was in no way straighter.

Cause you know, the man kind of wrote himself into a corner with the fact of Watson narrating these stories. So Watson has to be around to witness them, and to witness Sherlock's own thought process rather privately, so he has to be around sherlock at night, a lot. But trying to come up with a reason for that happening just... it didn't occur to Doyle. He just went. Ah yes this makes sense. And it's Watson just like Sleeping Over At Sherlock's like every other goddamn day and every time his wife leaves town and having them basically still live that cute domestic home life but they have absolutely no excuses for doing it anymore. It's quite funny

Like it was gay already the way they interacted when they officially lived together but it was like, a necessity for them. Now it's not, Watson just comes over because he goddamn wants to, and it's hilarious to me.

LIKE IDK I THINK THEY KIND OF BROKE UP FOR A YEAR OR SO BC OF WATSON GETTING MARRIED AND THEY LIKE DONT HAVE CONTACT WITH ONE ANOTHER BUT ONE DAY WATSON JUST INEXPLICABLY HAS THE URGE TO COME VISIT SHERLOCK ON NO NOTICE AND THEN SUDDENLY THEY ARE TOGETHER NEAR 24/7 AGAIN LIKE BARELY ANYTHING CHANGED AHIEHOEWH

SIT DOWN AND TRY TO TELL ME THOSE ARE NOT HOMOSEXUALS

Watson walks in on no fucking notice after a full year and Sherlock is just. In the middle of some experiment obviously but hes like

Sherlock, carrying around unidenfiable chemical mixtures: W A T S O N you look good you look good! i see you've gained seven pounds!!

watson: uh. thanks??? Hey lol *awkwardly waves* Uh um Wanted to Uhm sEe you

Sherlock: ABOUT gODDAMN TIME AND YES WONDERFUL LOOK LOOK SIT DOWN I HAVE THINGS TO INFODUMP ABOUT

watson: :) ok :) *turns to camera* and we were back to the old days

sherlock: makes a deduction

watson: wowwwwwwwwwwww !! so true bestie !!

sherlock: !!!!!!!!! :))) !!!!! :))) uh fuck im supposed to be smooth Its Elementary Lol

watson: *turns to camera* when i stroke his ego like this and compliment him he blushes like a girl like i just complimented his dress so i do it more because he likes it. this is a homie trait

watson: well i should probably get going! my wife will notice that i am gone my dear buddy bro homie!

sherlock: NO DONT LEAVE IM LOST WITHOUT YOU (pretty much a direct quote lol) your. wife doesn't. get back home until monday. I know this because I am smart and definitely have not been stalking you.

watson: alright :)))))

AND THEN HE FUCKING SLEEPS OVER LMAO FUCKING HOMOS

So yeah they're right back where they were before pretty much and there's a case bc of course there is

And honestly I think this short story specifically was so insane mostly just because of how absolutely fast it all went. Yuumori kind of made me believe the original Irene Adler was more of an important character than she really is? And I think that's. Honestly so funny. Motherfucker shows up for ten pages, girlbosses her way around town, and changes sherlock's entire opinion of the female gender while still keeping him gay?

LIKE NO LOL SHES NOT IN ANY WAY A LOVE INTEREST AND WATSON GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO SPECIFY THE FACT THAT IN NO WORLD WOULD THEY HAVE BEEN ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED BECAUSE. SHERLOCK. DIDN'T DATE WOMEN.

HE WAS JUST??? SO IMPRESSED AND SHELL SHOCKED BY HER EXISTENCE HE DECIDED IT WAS TIME FOR GIRLBOSS APPRECIATION DAY TODAY AND ALL DAYS HENCEFORTH???

AND THEY HAVE LIKE O N E INTERACTION?? God, the power this woman(?) has. Watson looks at her once like. damb shawty 😳 and she's like "no<3" and he's like FUCK

Like yeah it's pretty much just the king walking up like "help girl the whore is blackmailing me" and sherlock being like "ok lol this will be easy" and then it proceeded to not in fact be easy or even possible

sherlock like... posed as a dead body and tried to get her to give up the location of the photo but she out-acted him and skipped the town the next day after doing the 'good night mr. sherlock holmes' thing with sherlock completely tricked

and she just. sends a letter like "dear sherlock holmes. you're a fucking idiot and i think it's funny that you lost. nice job tho mad respect" and sherlock just SHORT CIRCUITS

the king comes back a bit later like "hey Dude where's my Photo" and sherlock's like oh yeah uhhhhhhhhhhh about that and the king is like HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN THAT GODDAMN HARD i would have dated someone more noble if she wasn't so pretty i swear im on a whole different level from her

and then. GIRLBOSSIFIED SHERLOCK HOLMES RESPONDS "from what I have seen of the lady, she seems indeed to be on a very different level from your majesty" ABSEHHESHEFHHFES ROASTED

and the dude just LEAVES

After that I read a few more of the short stories and well the highlights I got from that pretty much were these conversations

Watson: sherlock. honey. have you. eaten anything today

Sherlock: IT DIDNT OCCUR TO ME DEAR WATSON

Watson: ITS FIVE PM

and:

Sherlock: *having one of his Moment Moments at three in the goddamn mornig* GRRRR CRIME ISNT WHAT IT USED TO BE

Watson: MY DEAR SHERCOCK WHAT IS CRIME S U P P O S E D TO BE LIKE ACCORDING TO YOU

Sherlock: no one's original anymore fucking copycats

Watson: so you want the criminals to make things harder for you specifically.

Sherlock, exasperated: yes!

I love them your honor.

[mandrs-writes]

My Writing Advice

Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be a writer. I vividly remember writing stories about my dog way back when I was seven years old. And when I was eleven I was bold enough to think I could write my own novel and sent drafts to my older cousin for editing. Writing was my life, my escape, my passion. And it still is. But I haven’t always had a good relationship with it.

When I turned thirteen, I struggled severely with undiagnosed depression and anxiety. High school was terrible for me. All that passion I felt for writing? Gone. It wasn’t until I was older, that I was diagnosed with depression and began taking antidepressants. At the time, I was attending college to become a nurse, which was literally just a crapshoot because I didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do with my life. Finally though, I came to the realization again that English, or writing, was more my passion. So I changed majors.

I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in English literature with a focus in creative writing. Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Wow! You probably wrote a lot during college!” Wrong. While I did write a lot of thesis papers, did a short stint in poetry, I think I wrote one short story for my fiction workshop. But other than that? Nothing. I don’t know when it happened, but I developed a severe fear of writing.

What is a fear of writing, you ask? Honestly, I don’t know. All I know is, I would write something and get literal anxiety over it because I hated it that much. I would agonize over every little detail until I was ripping my hair out. I despised my writing, something I used to be so passionate about, it was now something that caused me great distress.

Why am I sharing this with you? Well, as some of you know, I am now a very active fanfic writer for ereri. I update roughly two fics a week and sometimes I sprinkle a one shot in there if I’m feeling sassy. So how did someone like me, someone who used to agonize over my writing, go from hating every detail of it, to sometimes pumping out roughly 10k words a week and actually enjoy my writing?

While I am no expert on writing, I want to share my advice, regardless. I’ve come into contact with so many great writers who I know struggle with similar things that I once did, and sometimes still do (I’m far from perfect). Here are some tips I have when it comes to writing. I hope it helps:

Get in the right headspace. Clear your area of any and all distractions. Lock yourself out of social media, turn off your phone, kick your significant other out of the house— whatever that looks like for you, just create the perfect space for you to create. Any distractions could easily pull you out of your creative mindset and ruin your flow. I personally always work in my living room, away from my desktop because I just know I’ll play video games if I try to write in my office. I find the perfect playlist for the scene I’m writing (I seriously have so many playlists for writing. If you don’t have Spotify premium for playlist making, I seriously suggest you get it), sometimes put a Pinterest aesthetic board up in the background, and just get to it. My fiancé knows when I’m writing not to bother me and he stays in the other room. Make sure you establish clear boundaries with your housemates when you’re writing. Interruptions can sometimes not be pretty. 

Once you’re in the right headspace, JUST WRITE! Seriously, I know it sounds like a no brainer, but it’s a lot easier said than done. Whatever is in your head, just write it out. It doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad, silly or irrelevant. Just write it. Writing and editing are two very different beasts, and when you’re in writing mode you need to focus ONLY on writing. Again, I know this sounds very obvious, but I know from experience that this is much harder than it sounds. My best suggestion is to find a writing partner to do sprints with. Set a timer for 20 minutes and see how much you can write in that time frame. When you’re writing with a friend, it becomes a challenge to see who can write the most in that 20 minute time. You’d be surprised what you can do in that short amount of time. And what you write might actually be amazing! I know I’ve surprised myself on more than one occasion writing like this.

Keep editing and writing separate. I mentioned this earlier but it’s so important that you do this. Our brains work differently when we edit and write. When we write, we put our heads into a creative mindset where we are inspired to create and expand on new ideas. However, when we edit, our brain slips into an analytical mindset which is great for critiquing and finding errors but TERRIBLE for creation! That’s why you MUST keep these two things separate. Believe me, I know this is hard to do. I used to be SO SO SO bad at this. I would write a paragraph, go back and read it, edit it, and rip it apart. My confidence would be shot, and I wouldn’t be able to write anything else for that session. Eventually, I forced myself out of this bad habit with lots and lots of practice (again, writing sprints are AMAZING for this!). You might think that what you’re writing isn’t any good and you might be itching to go back and read it and fix it. But I assure it, it’s probably A LOT better than you think it is. Leave it alone. Let it sit. And when you’ve finished writing your chapter, let it sit even longer. Don’t touch it for another 12 hours. I’m serious. When you have a fresh pair of eyes and your brain is in the analytical mindset, THAT’S when you should be editing. 

Always carry something with you to write your ideas down. Whether it’s your phone or notebook and pen, always be ready to write down an idea! Sometimes a juicy idea or thought will come to you at an unexpected time like in the shower, while you’re driving, or while you’re trying to fall asleep. That idea WANTS to be written down! Whenever I’m laying in bed, thinking about my stories, I’ll grab my phone and write down a line or phrase or idea that pops into my head. It might not make sense, but my brain is trying to get it out on paper so that’s exactly what I do. I might not use it, but at least it’s there if it does end up being good!

Find a friend/beta reader to read your stuff. And I’m not just saying this for editing purposes. No, I’m saying this for confidence purposes. I’ve always struggled with self-doubt. Like I said before, I struggle severely with depression and anxiety, and sometimes I get into really bad slumps with my writing where I think I’m the worst writer there ever was. My imposter syndrome flares up and I wonder what the hell I’m even doing with myself. Luckily, I have a friend and beta reader who refuses to let me falter when times are hard. And maybe we don’t beta read each other’s works in a traditional sense (I don’t really know how a normal beta reader behaves, to be honest). What I do know is, my friend will leave interactive comments throughout my whole chapter, commenting on what she likes, what she thinks works really well or what could be better. Having her interact with my chapter and tell me what is good and what isn’t, significantly boosts my confidence and makes me feel loads better about my writing. Honestly, if it wasn’t for her, I probably would’ve given up on writing by now. But it’s reassuring knowing my number one fan is always rooting for me on the sidelines. Get yourself a fan that roots for you, too.

There’s no such thing as too many ideas. I always hear people say ‘I have too many ideas. I don’t know what to do with them’. I know what you can do with them… WRITE THEM DOWN, SILLY. If you have inspiration for an idea, WRITE IT. I know you might feel like you have too many projects and that might stress you out. And if you are stressed by the amount of wips you have then maybe you should set some aside. But if you feel a great amount of inspiration for a new idea when you already have another idea in the works, write it anyway. Whatever you do, do not squander that inspiration! That idea wants to be written. Even if you don’t think you’ll do anything with it, it’s great practice and if the inspiration is there, it should be relatively easy to get the idea out on paper. I’ve written multiple chapter fics before because I had so much inspiration for the idea and then never posted them. I was so overcome with inspiration that I just NEEDED to write them. So I did. Maybe I’ll go back to them and finish them one day when the inspiration strikes me. And if I don’t, that’s okay. It’s good practice to listen to your inspiration and use it as it comes. Stifling your inspiration will only hurt you in the long run.

That’s pretty much all the advice I’ve got. This might be a little rambly and I’m sorry for that. I literally was just thinking about this last night and wanted to get my thoughts out so that I could maybe help some people that are in similar situations that I once was a year ago. If you want to write, but you don’t think you can, just do it anyway. Writing takes practice. It’s not something you can master on the first go. It took me almost a year to find my writing voice and I’m still developing it as I go. Don’t get discouraged. If this is something you want, you can do it! Just write!

[yikes-xander]

000:00:00:00

PLAYLIST ANALYSIS

This is actually me just rambling about my thoughts on each song and why I chose them for this specific playlist rather than like.. an actually good and smart sounding in-depth analysis sorry :/

When I Met You - Ethan Nestor

There are many reasons I chose this one! Mostly the lyrics, but Ethan also sings it so it’s extra fitting for the playlist, especially as the opener.

“When I met you my life was blue, I was so lonely / You took me by surprise” The channel came into my life at the perfect time. I was feeling low, in my last year of high school, struggling with thoughts about the future. It especially helped me through quarantine. Every day I felt like quitting, giving up on putting effort into school/not graduating, but I had something to look forward to every day too, so I pushed through.

“Now you're gone from my life / I'm adrift on the sea” Once the stream ended and the channel was gone, I didn’t know how I felt. I felt sad, but also something I’ve never felt before. After watching Ethan’s video yesterday, hearing him explain he felt the same way, I felt so relieved. I think this lyric kind of describes how I feel now honestly, just kinda numb? Like I’m lost. I’m working on it.

Another Night - Story Untold

More of a light-hearted one now! To me, this song made me think about how good it felt to be a part of the audience.

“Here we go for another night / Another night goofing all around” Everyone (the audience, Mark, Ethan, etc.) having fun every single day? *chefs kiss*

“Laughing 'til our stomachs hurt / And I can't let this moment pass me by” Once again, made me think of all the good times that were a part of the channel, and all the good feelings they gave me.

“So here’s to a night we’ll remember / This is a time we never wanna forget” I think this is kind of self-explanatory? I don’t think any of us want to forget Unus Annus. Personally, it’s literally the best thing I’ve ever had the chance to see happen and be a part of.

100 Bad Days - AJR

This song just gives me good vibes, UA gave me good vibes, it had to be on the playlist. I don’t have much else to say about it.

History - One Direction

This song kind of reminds me of Ethan and Mark separately and UA as a whole. Because like,, they make a great team, they have a lot of history (friends for a long time, Ethan was a fan of Mark before that, etc.)

“You and me got a whole lot of history / So don't let it go, we can make some more, we can live forever” A year is a long time but also feels like no time at all. Sometimes I wish we had more time for UA, but I’m glad I was here for what we got.

“This is not the end” Unus Annus is something I’ll never forget.

Dopamine - With Confidence

Maybe also kind of self-explanatory? Dopamine makes you feel good!! UA also makes me feel good. And the song talks about losing it too so.. yeah

This Is Home - Cavetown

I’m not exactly sure why I felt so drawn to this? But the vibes are immaculate.

“Are you dead? / Sometimes I think I'm dead / 'Cause I can feel ghosts and ghouls wrapping my head / But I don't wanna fall asleep just yet” after the stream vibes anyone? Or is it just me? I stayed up way too long after it was over. Too many thoughts head full

“Time is / Slowly / Tracing his face / But strangely he feels at home in this place” Unus and Annus,, the Boys of Time babey!!

Ghost Of You - 5 Seconds of Summer

Again.. The VIBES are IMMACULATE. It’s just a sad song for a sad time.

“Too young, too dumb / To know things like love” I’m just a stupid boy who got emotionally attached to a channel whose whole purpose was to DIE and I’m sensitive about it.

All I Wanted - Paramore

Lyrics make me do a Think

“Wake up early to black and white re-runs” colors of the channel,, thinking about all the vids,, the memories :(

“I could follow you to the beginning / And just to relive the start / And maybe then we'll remember to slow down / At all of our favorite parts” this entire verse?? Oh my god. Absolutely *chefs kiss* I think we all know what I mean and like,, why it gives me UA vibes

The Kids from Yesterday - My Chemical Romance

This song just gives me like sad nostalgic vibes so I thought it fit well.

“... you only hear the music when your heart begins to break” the timer reaches the end and the ticking stops? Heartbreaking, that’s all

I Will Follow You into the Dark - Death Cab for Cutie

Another song thats just,, sad so it fits

“Love of mine, someday you will die” we knew from the start the the channel would literally die when the clock stopped,,

“It's nothing to cry about 'cause we'll hold each other soon / In the blackest of rooms” shut up I’m mourning someone hold my hand

“I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black” death goddess Amy vibes

I’ll Always Be Around - Waterparks

“If you died I'd hope you'd haunt me / Because you know I'd miss you bad” we all love UA so much!! And miss it a ton already

“I'd never I'd never I'd never get you off my mind” it’s always thinking about Unus Annus hours

Before You Go - Lewis Capaldi

There are multiple lyrics in this song that just make me remember we only have our memories of the channel left

“Our every moment, I start to replace / 'Cause now that they're gone, all I hear are the words that I needed to say” the vids are replaced with only memories, replayed over and over

“Well, time can heal but this won't” I’ll be sad about this forever mind ur business

“But all I can think about is seeing that look on your face” the very last moment of the stream? Amy and Mark looking at the camera, Mark’s lil smile, Ethan looking back at the clock as the last few seconds tick by? AAAAH

Scarlet Cross - Black Veil Brides

Heard this and immediately reverted back to my middle school self but that’s beside the point.

“... you can't deny / The end is coming, the end is coming” we knew from the start that the channel would die

“Will we live? / Will we die? / Just keep on saving our goodbyes” There were points where people were theorizing that the channel wouldn’t actually end, there were clips near the end where the clock reversed by a few seconds, etc. need I say more?

“Hold onto me, and I can't let go” we’re all mourning, we didn’t want to say goodbye I know I’m not the only sad one

Body - Mother Mother

This song just SCREAMS Unus and Annus vibes I think we can all agree

“I've grown tired of this body / Fall apart without me, body” Unus and Annus are just entities using Ethan and Mark’s bodies,, they know their time is up so they have to leave,, the LORE it makes sense okay leave me alone

Here Comes the End - Gerard Way (ft Judith Hill)

At this point I’m just listing lyrics that I vibe with that remind me of UA and also make me sad but that’s because I’m dumb and I don’t know how to express myself or explain my thoughts oops

“The time is running out / The days are moving fast” literally every day after each video,, seeing the clock tick down? My HEART she hurt

“The clock is moving / Hands to midnight / Can we get through this?” For me, the stream ended right at midnight so THE VIBES I was sobbing

When Can I See You Again? - Owl City

“Switch on the sky and the stars glow for you / Go see the world 'cause it’s all so brand new” this lyric remind me of the vid where they were in the desert and they just looked at the stars and had a nice talk it was so wholesome I love them

“It's been fun but now I've got to go / Life is way too short to take it slow” Unus Annus is gone but we all have to remember to live, do what you want with no regrets.

(Don’t Fear) The Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult

This one is another pretty self explanatory one honestly

It’s also just a vibe like a lot of the other songs that’s all I have to say about it

Safe and Sound - Capital Cities

This song just radiates such good feelings man oof

Unus Annus felt like such a safe lil bubble for me?? Like,, Mark and Ethan did dumb shit because they WANTED TO I felt so validated like,, I also would do dumb shit if I could that probably makes no sense but I love them so it doesn’t matter

Happiest Year - Jaymes Young

This one absolutely BREAKS MY HEART

“I'm here to admit / That you were my medicine” yall,, UA was the only thing that kept me going and I'm not afraid to admit it

“Thank you for the happiest year of my life” literally the only thing that gave me serotonin oops :/

“So wake me up when they build that time machine / I want to go back” do I need to explain? Even though this year has been shitty irl, I would relive it in a heartbeat

The 3ND - Story Untold

I know this is a breakup song,, but hear me out

Some of the lyrics FIT and it’s my playlist I can do what I want shut up

“I never wanted what we had to end / But now it's over” once again,, no need to explain

“I know we had our dreams and we had plans… / That now it's time to let go” this just makes me think of the video where they talk about the video ideas they had but never filmed or just didn't post,, the CONTENT WE COULD'VE GOTTEN i'm sad

Still Remembering - AS IT IS

These boys.. My fave band of all time but also literally all their songs have immaculate vibes

“My heart's as heavy / As these nights are long” this gives me after the stream feels,, I stayed up way too long after it ended I couldn't sleep because I was sad :/

“Can you tell me what hurts more / Is it remembering or forgetting?” The whole chorus just hits me so hard man I'm so scared that I'm gonna forget unus annus because my brain is shitty even though I know I won't? I’m deadass getting a tattoo as soon as I can

Take Me Away - With Confidence

This song just makes me think about how UA was kind of an escape for me? And a lot of people yknow sometimes you just need to get your mind off of this happening around you and UA was really good for that in my opinion

The Night We Met - Lord Huron

Once again saying I would relive this year if I had the chance

Unus Annus was one of a kind, no one will ever be able to recreate it

Where’d All the Time Go? - Dr. Dog

A year sounds like such a long time but it goes by way too fast

Also I think Amy had this on her instagram story after the stream? I don't remember but THE VIBES

This December - Ricky Montgomery

Why do so many ricky montgomery songs have UA vibes? Idk

“Well, this December, I'll remember / Want you to see it when I do” UA ended in november,, we’ll remember in december and forever it FITS

“It’s just a little bit, It’s just a little bit / Lonely in this home / It’s always colder on your own'' honestly now that UA is gone there's like,, a void and I'm sad (I keep saying that but it's true so..)

When You Die - MGMT

Maybe this is the song Amy had in her story after the stream? Again,, I don’t remember

I think this one is also pretty self explanatory

Except I was feeling A LOT when the channel died but I’m glad the team was also kinda in their feels a bit yknow? It made me feel better about it

Good Times - All Time Low

“Underneath the stars we came alive / And singing to the sky just felt right / I won't forget the good times” once again,, that stargazing vid? IM CRYING all the vids gave me so much serotonin I loved them all and each day was such a good day

“I'll hate the goodbye” I don't need to explain..

“Middle fingers up, ego trip / Devil may care but we didn't mind” the chaotic vibes of the channel is what sucked me in I live for chaos that's what this lyric makes me think of

Goodnight, Travel Well - The Killers

I don't think I really need to explain this one because,, just listen to the song and you'll get it but I'll just list some fave lyrics of mine

“There's nothing I can say / There's nothing we can do now” end of the stream vibes for sure

“And all that stands between the souls release / This temporary flesh and bone / We know that it's over now” Unus and Annus vibes

Line Without a Hook - Ricky Montgomery

This is one of the songs that I hear a lot in like edits I see on twitter and stuff associated with UA and I Get It the vibes are so good the song is so good I love it

“Oh, baby, I am a wreck when I'm without you / I need you here to stay” one of my fave lyrics and also just,, makes sense I miss UA

As the World Caves In - Matt Maltese

Another song that's in a lot of edits and stuff that's also,, amazing and MAKES SENSE the vibes!!

“And here it is, our final night alive” the STREAM

“You put your finest suit on / I paint my fingernails / Oh we're going out in style babe” Our boys,, Unus and Annus in the suits and eths painted nails? An absolute LOOK

I just love this song so much its so good and makes me so sad

The End. - My Chemical Romance

This song is just So Sad

And the heart monitor beeping in the beginning?? Reminds me of the clock ticking my heart is BROKEN

If you actually read all of this? I love you!! This was 6 pages so thank you for sticking through and listening to all of my dumb thoughts

[ventivante]

13 Songs Tag 🎵

rules: You can only use one artist for the entire list (no multiple songs from the same artist), so we can all kind of spread new music to the people we tag. Try to listen to at least one of the songs people recommend here

1. A song you loved the first time you listened to and never got tired of? “Soufflé” by Audrey Nuna - this is a pretty chill song but also a little trippy, it’s hard to describe without actually listening to it but it’s got a nice vibe and is totally unique so i end up listening to it on repeat for a long time lmao

2. A song that makes you cry/get emotional every time you listen to? “행복했던 날들이었다 days gone by” by Day6 - this was the first song that popped up when i turned my music on after hearing the news that my grandpa had died. it gave me comfort and still does to this day, and despite the song being about remembering a former lover/significant other, the falling out presented in the lyrics sounded very similar to my grandpa and i’s relationship and how we used to be really close and grew more distant the older i got and after i moved away. i hadn’t seen my grandpa for three years when he died, but i still have the memories of when we were closer and during very happy times, so this is a very bittersweet song for me

3. A song that always makes you happy? “MIROH” by Stray Kids - this song always makes me wanna get up and dance no matter what mood i’m in, it instantly perks me up and makes me feel better and more energized after listening to it. i love the faster paced songs and this is right up my alley so it’s perfect if i’m trying to cheer myself up

4. A song you would dedicate to your best friend and/or your family? “Hard Times” by Paramore - this is to my best fucking friend in the whole world who i love so much. i know we struggle a lot both separately and together, but we got each other in this big mean world and i’ve got your back no matter what. this is our favorite band, and it gives me flashbacks to us driving around our little ass hometown in high school (even though this came out WAAAAY after we graduated lol) grabbing wendy’s french fries and cheese sauce, just talking and laughing and crying together. you’re not on tumblr much anymore and you dont follow this blog because you arent a kpoppie like me so you probably won’t ever see this but i am so happy you tolerate my annoying rants about whatever tangent i’m on, thank you for everything, you make the hard times easier, i love you forever, ILYBBBBB!!! IANGSLYBBBBBBB!!!

5. A song with production (sounds, beats, mood, etc.) you love? “Yummy” by Justin Bieber - i have such a love/hate relationship with this song, because the instrumentals and beats are so addictive! the lyrics though....so horrible omg if i was his wife i would be offended this was the best he could come up with for a song written about me i’ve never been a bieber fan either so i was expecting to completely hate this song, but the instrumental is enough to keep me listening to it, idk, it’s definitely a guilty pleasure song though (the remix of it he did with Summer Walker is SO MUCH BETTER, SHE SAVED THIS SONG FORREAL PLEASE CHECK IT OUT)

6. A song with perfect, amazing, outstanding lyrics? “Norman fucking Rockwell” by Lana Del Rey - HOOOOO BOY LANA WAS NOT FUCKING PLAYING WITH THIS SONG, BILLIE EILISH IMMA LET YOU FINISH BUT NFR SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN ALBUM OF THE YEAR JSJS. but seriously, this is such an eloquent ‘fuck you’ to those pretentious ass guys we all come into contact with and honestly, how raw of a line is ‘you fucked me so good i almost said i love you’? VERYYYYY, LANA IS QUEEN

7. A song that you would recommend to anyone? “Color Blind” by Maddox - this is something i would more so recommend to someone who was maybe just starting to get into kpop/k-r&b or isn’t really a fan of the boy/girl group stuff, it’s much more mellow and a really beautiful song, but i would also recommend it to anyone as a good song to listen to because it’s very easy listening and Maddox has such wonderful vocals

8. A song you don’t understand why you like so much but you do anyway? “Cry for Me” by Camila Cabello - ......ngl i dont care for lil miss camila as a person but i dig this song a lot, it’s got a good beat and is a pretty spiteful song i can relate to when i’m feeling petty, reminds me of a particular ex i wish was able to see how they hurt me but that’s all in the past now

9. A song you think people in general don’t like but you do? “Cherry Bomb” by NCT 127 - idk why people don’t like this song???? genuinely???? it’s actually the song that made me stan NCT in the first place, and tbh the ‘if you happy and you know it clap your hands’ made me roll my eyes but it was (AND STILL IS) a complete bop, and it really surprised me when i heard that a lot of people hated it

10. A song people normally like that you don’t? “Feel Special” by TWICE - BEFORE YOU COME FOR ME, I DO ACTUALLY LIKE THIS SONG! however, i like “Fancy” a lot better, but the consensus with most onces is that “Feel Special” is superior, which i disagree with. both songs are great, but my personal preference is more upbeat happier songs, hence why i like “Fancy” better

11. A song you would call a masterpiece? “Dope Queen Blues” by Adia Victoria - this is arguably my favorite genre/style of music and it is just perfect, Adia Victoria is a wonderful artist, she has a perfect blend of melancholy lyrics, a haunting voice, and plenty of soul that just genuinely makes this song (well any of them really) a true masterpiece in my opinion, definitely listen to her if you love blues/soul music

12. A song you recently (within the last 30 days) discovered and really liked? “No Shame” by Eric Nam - i had been meaning to listen to some of Eric Nam’s music because i never had before but wanted to give it a try and this happened to come on my playlist earlier today and i really dug it right of the bat, so i’ll definitely need to check out more of his stuff

13. A song you listen to that gets you pumped/ready to tear down the government/fight? “Absinthe” by punchnello - this song makes me wanna punch holes in walls and curb stomp bitches that test me, it’s so aggressive and i like listening to it when i’m pissed off about something or other (also i would never actually curb stomp someone, i’m too much of a softie and i get steamrolled on the daily because i’m a huge pushover)

holy shit this was actually a lot harder than i expected it to be, but thanks to @thefullmobb for tagging me in this, i really liked doing this! i will be tagging @kihyunsbabe @wonuflower @wonseoks @dejoovu @baekhyunbitz @joohoneybunch @broccoli-channie-soup and anyone else who would like to participate!

[rkpjy]

⭐️MGA 5 EPISODE 3 ↪ perfoming romanticism by leo with @rkjeonghxn outfit inspiration: x  x line distribution & times: x 

it’s always easier to move on to the next round when there are a lot of contestant. the fewer they become and the harder the choices will be for the five ceos. there’s undoubtedly a lot of raw talent in this room, some maybe more polished than others, some mostly relying on their popularity and star factor. the latter can’t be downplayed of course, as there’s no reason to have skill in the first place if people aren’t interested in you or want to follow you. still, it’s always a little annoying to see such people get by with minimal talent.

soon after jinyoung returned to his seat following his interview, the entire set falls silent. everyone’s eyes are glued to the judging panel, waiting for the dreaded moment when they will announce the results. his newly found acquaintance changbin is nominated as the top rapper, which comes to no surprise to jinyoung, but it’s choi minho who takes the win. unlike a lot of people here, jinyoung doesn’t feel any type of way for that guy. despite his best friend being in convex, he knows very little about the group and what kind of drama happened that led to the rapper’s departure. he’s not a hater nor is he a fan, and although he didn’t dislike his performance, he wouldn’t have gave him the win either.

he keeps a straight face throughout the eliminations, just quietly wishing not to be on that list when the singer’s turn comes. the top 3 dancers are called to the stage, and he recognizes hwang yeji from that one day at the hospital. they haven’t spoken since and he wishes her well. she’s a pretty good dancer despite her young age, but so is lee chaeryeong. as for suwoong, well, it’s not a question of talent really, but more his personality that jinyoung can’t quite figure out. he’s satisfied with yeji’s win, just as he is satisfied with heejin’s win later on. there was a slight disappointment about not making the top 3 but then again, he still believes he performed the best he could. for someone as obsessed with perfect as he is, it’s hard to accept average results, but he’s a good sport. heejin, as he’s noted multiple times already, is a very good singer. he wonders if she can dance well too, because if she does then she’s almost guaranteed to go to the end. her looks are very idol-like, not to mention she’s young.

joohyun was probably the most surprising elimination for jinyoung. he knew she made a mistake, they all did, and it’s unexpectedly fair that they wouldn’t favor her due to her past participations and already established level of popularity. she’s one of the known contestants here that everyone talks about to the point where jinyoung also knows about it, and even if don’t want to show bias, maybe he thought they would show more leniency towards someone they know, and he now stands corrected. there is no second chance in this competition, and no room for weakness.

he applauds heejin’s win with a proud smile, and it’s probably the first time anyone will have caught him looking so pleased since the very first audition. he’s also happy for sihyeon who’s finally been recognized for her talent. it’s kind of funny how some of those who changed categories managed to survive unlike those who truly wanted to show their best skill. in hindsight, it was pretty clever of them to do so and jinyoung wonders if this was calculated on their part. he doubts so for daniel, who probably just innocently wanted to show another side of himself. but that’s if he’s still the same person he knew all those years ago in busan. maybe he’s changed, like jinyoung did.

he doesn’t care much for the following eliminations, as nobody he knows has been sent home. instead, he pays close attention to what is said next. they are to be paired off in duos and present a neat performance showing not only talent but also teamwork. and it’s probably what he dreads most as of now. it’s not as easy for him to get along with people as much as he’d like, and depending on who he ends up with, this assignment might be his first real challenge. he doesn’t necessarily want to be with a friend, however, because it doesn’t always mean it will lead to a good performance. he ends up with yoon jeonghan.

they’re not friends per say, but they do know of each other and have worked together in the past on musical productions. jinyoung is very enthusiastic at the idea of performing with someone who has talents and tastes similar to his, but it can also be an obstacle in the end. they can’t put up something too expected. it’ll be boring to watch for everyone.

that’s the subject they talk about when they first meet up for practice. “since they know we’re both passionate about musicals, i don’t think we should choose that type of song. what do you think?” he asks jeonghan who promptly agrees. they’re both aware they need to showcase something different, more creative and challenging. something that will throw the judges off, hopefully in a good way. they spend a while just searching online, or scrolling down their playlists in order to find the perfect fit. and after going through several choices, they finally decide on romanticism by leo. the key is to make all the right changes to the choreography and harmonies so it looks and sounds as if it was meant for two people instead of just one. they need to be in complete unison, and not just seem like two individuals performing the same song at the same time.

their first practice consists of making these arrangements and going through them a couple times to see if they fit well, and deciding on the parts they’ll each sing. they both agree to practice on their own whenever they have free time, then meet together every day for several hours so they can put it all together. it just won’t work if they both work separately.

while jinyoung criticizes a lot, he’s also very open to criticism himself. as long as it’s nothing insulting, he believes this is the only way one will grow, and not with fake praises. if he sucked, he wants to know. if he does one movement wrong, he wants to know so he can fix it. if jeonghan feels it would be better if they switched one part because it sounds off, he’ll be open to the idea. what he finds exhausting is those who are too scared to make any kind of negative comment, or who take everything too personal. they’re impossible to work it, not to mention annoying. it’s all meant to enhance the performance. the judges won’t chose the best out of the two of them. so either they win together, or fail together. it doesn’t matter if one sings five seconds more, as long as it makes the whole thing better.

it’s surprisingly easy to work with jeonghan, and jinyoung comes home at night almost with a spring in his step, telling mina about how practice is going with a lot more details than usual. he’s optimistic, hopeful. if it were to suddenly come crashing down....

the two men sit next to each other, and jinyoung can’t help but notice there’s so few of them compared to the first episode. sixty chairs have disappeared since then. he remains exactly like the second episode, face stoic as he watched the first few duos perform on stage. the only moments he stops being a statue is in-between performances, as he leans over to jeonghan and whispers things inaudible to cameras, about what he liked and didn’t like.

yugyeom goes before with him, with a contestant called do kyungsoo, and he honestly has no idea what to expect when they first start. it seems like they managed to use each other’s strength and make up for the other’s weakness quite well, and jinyoung hopes it’s enough for them to make it through. some of the duos make unexpected yet good pairs, and some match so well it’s almost boring. he wonders if this will be the case for jeonghan and him, although they didn’t go for a musical number. are their skills too similar? but it’s not like they can suddenly pretend one of them can rap either, so there’s nothing they can do about it if they were put together.

they go near the end, with only three duos left after them. they both bring a chair to the center of the stage and sit on them after introducing themselves. the original artist has a very specific way of dancing, that makes every movement look smooth but not sloppy, and sensual but not sexual. there’s a fine line they can’t cross, and jinyoung does feel like they got in down after hours and hours of practice. jeonghan starts off the song with his first lines.

In my mind you’re my lord, the reality is not close enough You’re my one You’re my one

jinyoung parts his legs in a swift motion as the dance obliges, and because there are no backdancers, instead of gesturing to his empty side, he briefly cups jeonghan’s chin instead, making it one of a several modifications to the original choreography. it’s not hard to imagine he’s singing to his girlfriend right now, and wishing she was the one dancing with him. jeonghan and him aren’t exactly flirting together, their actions more inclined to the audience, but there still needs to be a connection between them, a sensuality that can be felt all the way to the very back of the studio. I see through your body, The sign that gets my sensitivity wet Your eyes are chasing after my movement As if saying come after you

in the middle of this verse they both stand up, leaving their chairs behind for the time being. the way they arranged this part suits the lyrics well. it’s as if they’re also chasing each other, delivering their lines back and forth like one echoes the other, and as jeonghan finishes it, jinyoung prepares for the chorus. two minutes isn’t long at all, and after this they’re jumping straight to the bridge so the transition isn’t too cut and dry. Dive-in for me at this moment, make me shiver one time Romanticism in our world together now Let’s feel it romantically, together now

the dance gets more intense and demanding, but they’ve arranged for them to sing half of it together, harmonizing each other. jinyoung’s gaze is piercing, and he has fun flirting with the crowd. there are a lot of parts in this song where they rub their chest, their face or roll their hips, and there’s a risk to make it look cheap and very cringe-worthy if they’re not careful, so they made sure to tell the other whenever it was too much, or not enough. they want to mesmerize the audience, not turn it off.  Piece of you for just one moment Feel me from now on

Let’s feel it sensually, together now Girl you know I’m watching you together now

they had to cut the last chorus in half to fit in the time requirement, but in the end it doesn’t really matter since they jump next into the other half which is kind of a nice follow-up and uses the same lyrics. they sing most of it together, dancing in sync.

together now.

[emjenenla]

I'm Holding On; Why is Everything so Heavy? [a SoC Fanfic]

Modern AU. Kaz knew he only was only asking because he thought he was supposed to. Most people were like that; Kaz’s multiple lives and many secrets relied on it.

Warnings: violence, panic attacks, PTSD, mentions of car accidents, near drowning, sex trafficking

Title: I'm Holding On; Why is Everything so Heavy?

Author: Emjen Enla (Fanfiction)/emjenenla (Tumblr)

Teaser: Modern AU. Kaz knew he only was only asking because he thought he was supposed to. Most people were like that; Kaz’s multiple lives and many secrets relied on it.

Rating: PG-13/T

Canon/Timeline: Modern AU; same general time frame as SoC (Kaz is seventeen, Jordie is four years older which means he’s twenty-one)

Dominant Characters: Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa, Jordie Rietveld, appearances by Jesper Fahey, Nina Zenik, Alina Starkov, Per Haskell, mentions of Pekka Rollins, Jan Van Eck, Wylan Van Eck, Mal Oretsev, one OC, various others

Pairings: technically more Kaz & Inej friendship than legitimate Kanej, mentions of Wesper

Warnings: violence, panic attacks, PTSD, mentions of car accidents, near drowning, sex trafficking

Notes:

- Long story short, I became obsessed with the idea of Kaz in a hoodie riding a subway with earbuds in so no one would try to talk to him and this fic happened. I hope you all enjoy. :)

-Special thanks to wylanvanwreck on AO3 and their story The Mighty Dregs as well as a post by @crows-and-co. Both formed the basis of the thought experiment that became Kaz in this AU.

-Also, why is Jordie in the Fanfiction archive character list as Joshie R.?

Disclaimer: I don’t own Six of Crows or “Heavy” by Linkin Park (the song I got the title from)

--

Kaz knew that his day was officially a bust when he had a panic attack in third period.

Okay, technically he didn’t have a panic attack in third period. He realized it was going to happen and fled to the bathroom, where he locked himself in a stall and waited until he could breathe again. The bathroom was thankfully empty. If someone heard him, one of two horrible things would happen; he’s be pitied or mocked. He’d lost a lot of his bully shielding when he’d cleaned up his school presence during the switch to high school. That change had been necessary both for Jordie’s peace of mind and to keep Kaz Rietveld and the Dregs lieutenant Brekker separate. Of course, that meant that he’d gone from that scary kid who smoked weed behind the school to a crippled AP student who no one thought could fight back.

Even worse than bullies would be if some well-meaning student told the nurse. Marya Hendriks was one of the nicest people on earth and she meant well, but if she figured out about the panic attacks she’d tell Jordie. Kaz had been hiding his admittedly shaky mental health from Jordie basically since the accident that killed their parents. He knew that was a bad idea in the long run, but it didn’t change the fact that therapy and meds cost money which was something the tragically orphaned Rietveld brothers did not have.

So he hid alone in the bathroom until almost the end of the class period before he admitted to himself that he had to go back. He felt shaky and a little panicky, but he was standing by the sink washing his hands when Jesper came in.

“What are you doing here?” Kaz asked. “You’re supposed to be in class.”

“So are you,” Jesper said. “You’ve been gone a long time. Are you sick?”

Jesper was Kaz’s oldest friend, though they didn’t spend as much time together as they once had. If asked Kaz would blame that on Jesper starting to date Wylan, though he knew it was at least partially because of the Dregs and the ever-lengthening list of things that Jesper didn’t know about.

“I’m fine,” Kaz said drying his hands and brushing past the other boy. “Did Dryden manage to explain anything today?”

“I don’t understand it,” Jesper said. “And neither does anyone else. Can you tutor me after school?”

“Lunch or tomorrow morning,” Kaz said. “I’m busy tonight.”

“Fine, lunch then,” Jesper sighed. He liked to have his lunch periods and he hated getting up early. “I honestly don’t get how you’re the only one who doesn’t get confused by Dryden. Everyone else is struggling.”

“That’s because I’ve long since accepted that Dryden doesn’t know how to do algebra and I don’t try to understand what he’s teaching,” Kaz said. “I still get all the right answers, so there’s nothing he can do to me.”

They reached the algebra classroom. Kaz’s bad leg was killing him after all the time spent curled up in the bathroom stall. He really should have been using a cane, but when the injury had first happened he’d refused. He’d come around to it after joining the Dregs because it turned out a cane was a pretty good weapon. Unfortunately, since the cane was now connected to Brekker, Kaz Rietveld couldn’t start using one.

Kaz opened the door just as the bell rang and students began pour out. He stuffed his hands into the big pocket of his black hoodie and tried not to hunch his shoulders to obviously. Touch aversion was on the list of things he’d pretended to get over to keep from worrying Jordie, in reality it was hard to shake the horror of being trapped with his parents’ bodies in a car that was slowly filling with water. The negligent and painful treatment he’d received from the doctors afterwards hadn’t helped either.

Kaz twisted his hands around the black leather gloves hidden inside his hoodie pocket and tried not to think about how much better he’d feel if he was wearing them. He could wear the gloves as Brekker because he could explain it away as trying to avoid leaving fingerprints, but there was no explanation for Kaz Rietveld wearing gloves.

If he was completely honest, he hated being Kaz Rietveld.

He crossed the room to his desk and began gathering his books. Dryden looked up from arranging papers on his desk. “Are you alright, Kazimir?”

Kaz knew he only was only asking because he thought he was supposed to. Most people were like that; Kaz’s multiple lives and many secrets relied on it.

“Yes, sir,” he said with a submissive smile that he knew Dryden’s ego liked. “Thank you for asking.”

~~~~

Kaz was feeling a little calmer by the time they got out of school. Helping Jesper with algebra during lunch had helped a lot. Kaz loved math; it was easy and straightforward and never failed to make him feel like he was at least partially in control of his life.

When the last bell rang, Kaz made his way through the halls to his locker, hands buried deep in his hoodie pocket. He unlocked his locker and pulled his ancient slide phone out of the front pocket of his backpack. The only texts he had were weird Instagram photos that Jesper had sent him during study hall. No texts from any of the Dregs which meant that things were still on for tonight.

Someone slammed into his back and Kaz almost broke the kid’s arm. He’d learned from being Brekker that nothing kept people from touching you without mockery or pity like the promise of violence to anyone who violated your personal space. Unfortunately, that was on the list of things that were frowned upon at East Ketterdam High.

He glared at the kid until he was gone, then pulled his second piece of ridiculously outdated technology out of his backpack. It was a 4th Gen iPod Nano in an absolutely revolting shade of orange. The thing had been Jordie’s first and bore his dubious taste in color as a result. Jordie had given it to Kaz shortly before their parents had died, and Kaz had been stuck using it ever since.

Still, it was better than having no music player at all. Kaz unwound the black earbuds and shoved them into his ears. He put his playlist of pirated music on shuffle and gathered up the rest of his things. Then he swung his backpack on and left the school.

He made his way to the nearest subway stop. Subways were pretty much the only type of transportation he could manage these days. He was so deathly terrified of cars that some days it was a struggle to cross the street, and buses could still be struck by other vehicles and be pushed off the road into water. Subways ran on tracks and had only limited interaction with other subways, so he could handle them.

The subway was busy enough that there were no seats. No one stood up to offer him a seat, but that was okay; Kaz didn’t want anyone’s pity. He hooked an arm around one of the poles and leaned against it, watching as the stops zoomed by. He finally gave into the urge to put the gloves on. The subtle leather covered his hands, and he felt a million times safer.

He got off the subway at a stop near West Ketterdam High. He was now on the opposite side of the Barrel from his school and the dingy apartment he and Jordie lived in. It was a long trip for what basically constituted as a commute, but when he’d joined a gang he hadn’t wanted to risk running into someone he knew from the East Barrel.

He climbed up the steps out of the subway station and set off down one of the streets. His bad leg was throbbing worse than before after the jarring it had received on the subway. He wormed a bottle of Advil out of his backpack and shook two into his hand. He chewed them so they’d kick in faster and put the bottle away. The Advil would barely help, but his prescription meds were too expensive to use most of the time.

His mouth was still full of the sour, acidic taste of medicine when he reached an old but well-kept house in a dingy side street. He climbed the front steps and knocked. A minute later Alina, Inej’s foster mother, answered the door. She was a young woman and dressed casually, her long, inexplicably white hair was hanging loose around her shoulders. “Hello, Kaz,” she said with a smile. “You know you can just come in. You don’t need to knock.”

“I know,” Kaz said stepping into the house.

The smile Alina gave him was fond and it made Kaz want to do something to wipe it off her face. “Inej isn’t home from school yet,” she said. “I made some cookies this afternoon, though. Do you want some?”

“Maybe later,” Kaz said. “I’ll wait for Inej upstairs.” He tried to avoid Inej’s foster parents as much as possible. He knew that they’d assumed he was Inej’s boyfriend though to be honest he wasn’t sure if he and Inej were even really friends.

He climbed the creaky stairs and headed into Inej’s bedroom. Her foster sister, Nina, was already there lying stretched out on her bed on the left side of the room. Kaz raised an eyebrow. “What are you doing here?”

“I was sick today,” Nina said in an airy voice that suggested she’d just skipped out.

“Fun,” Kaz crossed to Inej’s bed on the right side of the room. He took off his backpack and lowered himself to the floor, suppressing a hiss of pain. Then he leaned over and began rummaging under the bed.

He heard Nina’s sheets rustle as she rolled over. “Is it a big job tonight?”

“You know that I can’t tell you that.”

“Oh, come on, Brekker,” Nina whined. “I thought you’d stop this when I joined up.”

“Whether or not you’re a Dreg doesn’t change the fact that this is an active job,” Kaz said without looking at her. “Only people involved can know about it right now. If you want all the details, I’m sure Inej will be happy to fill you in tomorrow.”

“Fine,” Nina grumbled and fell silent.

Kaz pulled a heavy cardboard box out from under the bed and opened it. Inside were his and Inej’s knives, lockpicks and other equipment. He began separating his favorites out and strapping them to various parts of his body underneath his clothes.

“You know if Alina and Mal find those Inej is going to get in a lot of trouble,” Nina said. “This house has a ‘strict no weapons policy.’”

“I bought all of these,” Kaz said. “That means they’re technically mine, and I don’t live here.”

Nina snorted. “You know, I’m not sure Alina and Mal would accept that loophole.”

Kaz opened his mouth to respond, but something changed, and he knew Inej was there. He turned to see her standing silently in the doorway in her leggings and boots and oversized knit sweater. He didn’t know how he always knew when she was around, but he did.

“Hello,” he said.

“Hi,” Inej crossed the room and began taking her knives out of the box. “How are you today?”

Kaz did not let himself think about the panic attack he’d had that morning. Besides, Inej didn’t know about those so he couldn’t tell her anyway. “Ready,” he said.

“Me too,” Inej said. Settling down to strap on her weapons.

Inej had been abducted by sex traffickers at fourteen. She’d been rescued a year later and put into foster care while the system tried to find her parents. Two years later and it was blatantly obvious that no one was actually looking for Mr. and Mrs. Ghafa, and Inej would probably be stuck in the system until she turned eighteen.

Kaz finished arming himself by sliding an oyster shucking knife into one of his battered high tops. He worked himself to his feet, ignoring the worried look Inej gave him and moved his backpack into Inej’s closet. His cane—a sleek black thing with a rounded knob on top—was also there, leaning against the wall. He took it out and tried not to lean too heavily on it.

“Ready to go?” He asked Inej.

She nodded. At some point she’d changed out of her fuzzy knit sweater and put on a dark-color zip front sweatshirt with a hood that she could pull over her head later to keep her braid out of the way.

“Tell me how it goes,” Nina called after them as they left the room.

Inej called goodbye to Alina at the front door and they let themselves out into the street. At the sidewalk, they turned right and began the walk to the Slat. Kaz knew that Inej rode the bus to the Slat when he wasn’t around. When he’d first started keeping his stuff at her house, she’d suggested they ride the bus a number of times. He’d gotten around it by simply ignoring her and walking; eventually she’d stopped asking.

It took them a little over twenty minutes to walk to the Slat, which was a beaten down four-story building of an indeterminable original purpose. Even though it wasn’t even five o’clock yet, the place still had a number of seedy looking people hanging around. Those were the gang members who made their livings working for the Dregs and nothing else. That was Kaz’s legacy to the gang; before he’d joined up and started running things Per Haskell had barely been able to pay his own expenses let alone anyone else’s.

Kaz let himself and Inej in through the creaky front door, then he stalked across the big front room and knocked on Per Haskell’s door. “Come in!” the gang leader called and Kaz stepped inside leaving Inej outside.

“Just letting you know that Inej and I are here,” Kaz said.

Per Haskell looked up and snorted. “You look like a high school nerd, Brekker, that undercut doesn’t help.”

Kaz looked down his oversized hoodie, dark jeans and old high tops. “This is how I dress, sir,” he said hoping he didn’t sound like a petulant teenager, this was not the first time he and Per Haskell had had this conversation. “If you want me to wear a full suit, give me the money to buy one and I will.”

Per Haskell hacked out a sound that was half laugh half smoker’s cough. “That would be something to see,” he said. “When are you leaving for the job?”

“When it gets dark,” Kaz said. “It should only take us an hour or two”

“I’ll let you handle this,” Haskell said leaning back in his chair and reaching for the large mug of room temperature lager sitting on the desk. He spoke like there had been a chance he would come. Per Haskell hadn’t done any real work in as long as Kaz had known him; he didn’t even know exactly what the plan was, only what the goal was.

“I can handle it,” Kaz said without letting any annoyance in his voice. He reminded himself that his long-term goals relied on Haskell’s incompetence. “Don’t worry about a thing.”

~~~~

When the sun set, he and Inej rode the subway out of the Barrel and into the business part of Ketterdam. At this time of day, comparatively few people were heading into the business district because people didn’t live there, so they were both able to sit, something Kaz would never admit to being relieved about.

After they got off the subway they only had to walk a couple blocks before the headquarters of Van Eck Industries rose up before them. They stood on the corner looking up at the darkened windows. Kaz pulled off the backpack he’d brought from the Slat and pulled out a pair of ski masks. It was almost hilariously like something out of a movie, but they needed to make sure their faces didn’t end up on any of the building’s copious security cameras. They would deal with them, but only from the inside.

They both fitted their masks on and became a pair of extremely stereotypical bandits. Then they headed across the street to the employee entrance. The door was locked with a randomly generated password, but Kaz whipped out one of the laptops he’d bought for the Dregs with Per Haskell’s money and within seconds had bypassed the lock and they were in.

Once they were inside, they made their way to the security room. The guard on duty tonight was exceedingly lazy which was why they’d chosen tonight for the job. When they entered the security room, the man was sitting at his desk watching a soap opera and vacantly munching on potato chips. He obviously wasn’t watching the many security camera monitors around him, because if he had been he would have seen the two masked people slinking through the hallways.

Inej crossed the room on silent feet and punched the man a couple times with a pair of brass knuckles she always kept in one of her pockets. When he passed out, she heaved him out of his chair and began to drag him towards a closet.

Kaz sat down in the security guard’s chair, stuck a flash drive into the computer and released the most potent of his half a dozen custom computer viruses into the system. When he was finished, he glanced at Inej who stood in the center of the security room watching the security footage on the computer screens flicker out. “I’ll never get tired of that,” she said with a smile.

Kaz smiled as well and made sure he kept his face turned away until he could smooth out his expression again. “Whatever,” he stood up, and pulled his mask off. Now that the security cameras were out of commission there was no reason to keep wearing it. “Let’s move. We’ve got thirty-one minutes before the second security guard finishes her round and gets back here.”

~~~~

Jan Van Eck’s office was on the top floor of the building. With the computer virus in effect, Kaz had to open the electronic lock by opening it up and fiddling with the wires, but it still took him less than a minute. He’d started to learn to pick locks at age nine, while in the hospital after the accident and trying desperately not to think about any of the bad stuff. He’d kept practicing afterwards and now he was one of the best lockpicks in Ketterdam.

The door to Van Eck’s office opened into a borderline ridiculously expensive space that was exactly what you’d expect of man of his wealth and famous arrogance to have. A DeKappel painting hung on the wall behind the desk. Kaz and Inej lifted it down to reveal the safe.

Inej stood guard by the door while Kaz cracked the safe. Even though they were in the middle of a big job, Kaz found his nerves settling. Lockpicking was as relaxing as math.

He got the safe open in what he estimated to approximately half the time it would have taken the Dregs’ second best lockpick. He swung the safe door open and shone a flashlight inside to get a better view of the contents. There were stacks and stacks of cash inside along with some other boxes and papers. Kaz whistled softly. “Someone learns to learn that keeping copious amounts of cash in his safe is just asking for it to be stolen.”

“Is there a lot?” Inej asked.

“Yes,” Kaz began taking out the cash. It was all carefully tied up in those little paper slips you got on bills from the bank. Kaz estimated there was around twenty thousand dollars. His fingers itched to take the money for himself. Twenty thousand dollars would take care of rent and food and all that credit card debt Jordie pretended they didn’t have. He pushed the urge away; Per Haskell might be one of the most useless generals in the Barrel but stealing from him was still a bad idea.

Inej left her guard post and began loading up her backpack with money. Kaz dug deeper into the safe and pulled out some jewelry that was probably worth a couple hundred dollars apiece. Kaz stuffed them into his own backpack with part of the money and laptop he’d used on the outside door, then began going through the papers. This was not strictly part of the plan, but Kaz and Inej built their reputation on having dirt on everyone in Ketterdam so it wouldn’t be right to pass up a chance to gain some new information.

He found a couple worthy-looking papers and memorized them in a handful of seconds. When he was finished he looked around the office. His eyes fell on the DeKappel sitting in its frame against the wall. It was probably a nice painting, though all art looked the same to Kaz. Still, it was expensive and the fact that Van Eck had it so prominently displayed meant that it was important to him...

“Do we have a screwdriver?” Kaz asked Inej.

“Yeah,” Inej said still focused putting the last of the money into Kaz’s backpack. “Why?”

Kaz grinned as his heartbeat sped up. This was going to be great. “We’re taking the painting.”

Now she looked up at him, confusion on her face. “Why?”

Kaz’s smile got even bigger. “Why not?”

She stared at him for a moment then she smiled and shrugged. “Sure,” she dug around in the front pocket of her backpack and pulled out a screwdriver. “Here you go.”

It took them almost ten minutes to get the back of the frame off and the painting taken out. Once that was done they rolled the painting up and fitted it carefully into Inej’s backpack. Then they put the back of the frame back on, closed the safe and hung the empty frame on the wall again.

“Alright,” Kaz turned towards the door, pulling on his own, now significantly heavier backpack. “Let’s get out of here.”

They left Van Eck’s office and headed down the stairwell towards the outside. They were almost to the ground floor when they heard footsteps and voices. They both froze and stared at each other. “How long have we been here?” Inej asked.

Kaz checked his watch. “We should still have ten minutes,” he said. “Maybe-”

A door above them opened. Kaz looked up and his stomach clenched. A couple big, burly men Kaz recognized as members of the Dime Lions were pushing their way into the stairwell. He and Inej looked at each other in shock. Where had the Dime Lions come from? Had they just so happened to plan a break-in for the same night?

“You there!” one of the Dime Lions yelled. “Intruders! Stop right there!”

“Run!” Kaz told Inej and they took off down the stairs.

More Dime Lions entered the stairwell from the bottom. Inej slid down the railing of the last flight of stairs and slashed at them with her knives. Kaz reached the bottom a second later and took out one of the Dime Lions with a well-placed swing with the knobbed end of his cane. They shoved their way out of the stairwell. Within seconds they were out of the building through a different side entrance that opened onto a boardwalk facing the harbor.

“Split up,” Kaz ordered. “We’ll meet up later.”

Inej nodded and took off one direction. Kaz knew that within minutes she’d be up a building and well out of any danger.

He, on the other hand, had it a bit more difficult. His leg meant that he couldn’t climb as quickly as Inej could and he couldn’t run as fast either. Still, he would get away; he was way smarter than basically everyone Pekka Rollins had working for him.

Kaz pounded down the boardwalk with the Dime Lions after him. It sounded like most of them were after him. Which probably meant that they’d recognized him and Inej. They knew that he was Brekker, the most wanted man in Ketterdam, and they knew they’d never catch Inej.

He knew he’d never outrun the Dime Lions, so he just needed to find a good place to stand and fight. He turned left and ran along a narrower part of the boardwalk that jutted out into the water. When he was halfway along it he whirled around and lifted his cane, prepared for a fight.

Half a dozen Dime Lions pounded down the boardwalk after him. The front two charged him immediately. Kaz simply stepped out of the way so one ran into the boardwalk railing and beat the other over the head with his cane.

He stepped away until his back was against the railing opposite the one the Dime Lion had just hit. “So what are you all doing here tonight?” he asked with a classic Brekker smile. “Did the Dregs beat the Dime Lions to the pigeon?”

“We’re not Dime Lions,” one of the men said, eyeing Kaz like he was trying to come up with a halfway decent plan to attack him. “We work for Jakob Hertzoon.”

Kaz had never heard of Jakob Hertzoon before, but he also knew for certain that at least four of these people were definitely Dime Lions. You didn’t just switch loyalties in the Barrel, especially if you worked for Pekka Rollins. Something weird was going on here. He and Inej were going to have to look into this Jakob Hertzoon person. “Oddly enough, I don’t believe you,” he said.

“Give back the property you stole from Van Eck Industries, Brekker,” the man growled. That alone proved that he was definitely from the Barrel. Kaz’s face had never been picked up by the government, so no one outside of the Barrel gangs knew Brekker was really a kid.

“I think I’ll keep it,” Kaz said.

“Get him,” the man said and all six of them charged. Kaz swung his cane and caught the closest one in the nose. She screamed and stumbled back. Kaz got the next one too, but then the rest were on him, grasping at his clothes and backpack, shoving his up against the railing. Their touches were a million points of horror. Kaz struggled but couldn’t get free, his cane rolled out of his fingers.

They were trying to get the backpack off him. Kaz tried to twist away from their hands and felt himself fall backwards into space. He was weightless in the air for mere seconds before he splashed into the harbor.

The water of the harbor was cold, dark and dirty. Kaz couldn’t tell if his eyes were open or closed. He couldn’t tell which way was up. He couldn’t tell anything at all, because he was back in that car eight years ago, trapped with his parents’ bodies while the cold, disgusting water creeped inside.

He struggled but it was in vain. He couldn’t get out of the car, he was going to die here. There was nothing he could do to stop it.

Then hands grabbed him and dragged him out of the water. He struggled to get air into lungs that didn’t want to inhale. He was out of the water, he wasn’t going to drown, but now he was going to suffocate.

Hands grabbed at him, trying to sit up him up. They were too much like the bodies of his parents which had bounced and pushed against him as the car filled with water. He shoved the person away. “Get your hands off!” he screamed with all the air his starving lungs possessed. “Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me! Dontouchme!”

The hands vanished, and Kaz collapsed again. Gravel drug into his cheek and that was what reminded him that he wasn’t still in the car; there was no gravel in the car.

He lay there gasping for an indeterminable amount of time until his vision cleared, and he felt like he could sort of breathe again. Then he peeled his eyes open and looked around.

He was lying on his side on a gravel bank underneath the boardwalk, the water lapping a few inches from his shoes. Inej was crouching a little further up the bank, as dripping wet as he was. She must have dived in after him and pulled him out.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “I thought you were drowning at first, so I tried to sit you up to see if you’d breathe easier that way. I didn’t mean to make things worse.”

Kaz realized immediately that the game was up. If Inej had been less perceptive she might not have realized what had actually happened, and he might have been able to pull the drowning card, but she knew. He could tell that she’d recognized the panic attack for what it was. He could see her rearranging every interaction they’d ever had--everything about him that had never made sense from the buses to the gloves--to accommodate this new information. He could see her bursting through the armor that was his Brekker identity to the sad, weak, pathetic Kaz Rietveld underneath. It was horrible.

He forced himself to his feet. Cold, slimy harbor water ran down his body. He tried not to think of the car. “Let’s go,” he said attempting to sound normal with dubious success.

“Kaz,” Inej said carefully, still not moving any closer to him, “the Dime Lions left after you fell in the water. We’re safe here for a couple minutes if you want to catch your breath.”

“I’m fine!” Kaz snapped. He tried to walk and stumbled, catching himself on one of the boardwalk supports. “Let’s get back to the Barrel before one of the Dime Lions manages to come up with the brilliant idea of calling the cops.”

“Kaz,” Inej said. “You know you can-”

“Inej,” Kaz spoke over her with his nastiest tone. “Let’s go.”

~~~~

Per Haskell found Kaz and Inej’s sodden appearances hilarious and spend a good five minutes laughing until he had tears in his eyes. He was decidedly less pleased about the soaked money in Kaz’s backpack and the ruined laptop. He told them he was docking part of their shares even though the money would dry out useable enough and he thought the laptops were useless anyways. At least Inej had had the foresight to ditch her backpack before jumping in the harbor, so her half the money and the DeKappel were fine.

After finishing up with Haskell, Kaz and Inej returned to Inej’s house. Kaz had a change of clothes stored there for bloody jobs (jeans, a tee-shirt and another hoodie, this one navy blue) but not a second pair of shoes so he had to settle for being completely dry aside from his feet. He tried not to think about the harbor water squelching between his toes as he gathered up his school backpack and fished his iPod out of the front pocket.

Inej watched him from her perch on her bed. “You know you don’t have to leave just yet,” she said. “There are still some cookies left over from this afternoon. We could watch a movie. I could probably convince Mal to make popcorn.”

Kaz knew what she was doing, she was trying to convince him to stay because she was worried about him, because she thought he was weak. He would not allow that. “I’m leaving,” he said without bothering to come up with an excuse. He had no idea how he was going to salvage this situation, but he was going to have to do it somehow and he needed some space to think about it.

“Kaz,” Inej said. “I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable, but I don’t think that just ignoring that is a good idea. You can talk about it with me; you can trust me.”

He couldn’t trust anyone. He’d learned that in the years since his parents had died. Even Jordie, who should have been his partner in this quest for revenge, could not be trusted. Kaz had something he needed to hide from absolutely everyone in his life.

“No, we’re not going to talk about that,” Kaz said as coolly and Brekker-like as he could. “As far as you’re concerned that never happened. Never bring it up again, and if I figure out that you told someone else--anyone else--I will not hesitant to kill you.”

Instead of flinching back in fear, Inej lifted her chin. “I don’t believe you,” she said. “You’re not that cruel.”

“You should,” Kaz said even if he wasn’t totally sure if he would kill her either. “Good night,” then he turned and left the house.

~~~~

It was now after ten pm, so the subway was nearly empty. Kaz sat in one of the cars, folded over at the waist, his forehead pressing into his knees, eyes squeezed tight closed, earbuds blaring overly loud music into his ears. He couldn’t get his mind off how catastrophically badly tonight had gone. Kaz Rietveld’s weaknesses were not supposed to affect Brekker. Brekker was supposed to be strong enough to get revenge on Pekka Rollins.

One of the curses of having a memory like Kaz’s was that nothing ever faded. Pain never got duller. He could still remember the exact way his dead mother’s soaked hair had felt against his hand. He remembered the way blood had trickled out of his father’s mouth. He remembered struggling to keep his head above water when his leg was too badly shattered to kick. He remembered it all as if it had just happened, and he would for the rest of his life.

Mr. and Mrs. Rietveld had died after a multi-car pileup had forced their car and a couple others off a bridge and into the harbor. Officially, it was just a horrible accident, but the fact that the accident had been orchestrated by Pekka Rollins and the Dime Lions was an open secret among all of Ketterdam. When Pekka Rollins wanted someone dead, they died, but what Kaz had never been able to figure out was who the target that day had been. He knew it was ridiculous to get caught up that detail, but he needed to know. He needed to know who Rollins had been after. He needed to know what his parents had died for, once he knew that, he would gladly rip Pekka Rollins’ throat out and everything would be better.

Kaz wasn’t stupid, he knew that destroying everything Pekka Rollins loved and then killing him wouldn’t fix any of his problems, but he had to believe that. He needed to believe that killing Rollins would be the magical cure for everything that was wrong with his life; he didn’t know how he would keep going if it wasn’t.

The subway arrived at his stop. He got to his feet, hissing in pain. He chewed another couple Advil while he climbed out of the subway station and stuffed the bottle into the pockets of his new hoodie. He headed down the dimly lit streets to the tumbled down apartment building where he and Jordie lived.

Their apartment was a two room, one bathroom flat that they probably paid too much rent for. Still they stayed because as long as they paid the rent, the landlord would overlook anything. That had been especially helpful back when they’d both been minors and their uncle had never been around enough to constitute as their actual legal guardian.

Their uncle had been supposed to take care of them, but instead he’d fooled around and burned through their admittedly meager inheritance before Jordie reached eighteen. He also went on long trips without telling them where he was going or when he’d be back, so they’d mostly fended for themselves. They hadn’t seen him since Jordie had turned eighteen and Kaz privately hoped the man had managed to die, though he doubted they were that lucky.

Kaz struggled up the steps to the eighth floor, wishing the elevator actually worked. Still he eventually made it to the apartment and reached for the knob.

The door was unlocked.

Instantly on high alert, Kaz pulled out his earbuds and slid his backpack from his shoulders. He’d left all his knives at Inej’s, but the backpack was heavy enough to serve as a weapon in a pinch. He twisted the knob quietly and stepped into the apartment.

He made his way silently down the tiny hallway to the main room. He saw the form of someone sitting on the old, saggy couch. He hefted the backpack up and stepped closer, then stopped. “Jordie?”

Jordie jumped and whirled around, getting to his feet. It was obvious he hadn’t heard Kaz come in. His face twisted into a frown. “Kaz! It’s about time!”

“What are you doing here?” Kaz asked. “You work nights on Thursdays.” That was why he’d planned this job for tonight; he knew Jordie wouldn’t be around to notice he was gone.

“We’re not talking about me right now,” Jordie snapped. “It’s after eleven! I’ve been calling you for hours! Where were you?”

Kaz knew he was failing at completely keeping the surprise off his face, he hadn’t checked his phone picking up his backpack and apparently, he should have. “Hanging out in the university district with Jesper,” he said. He remembered that Jesper had mentioned that he and Wylan had been going on a date in the university district tonight, so perhaps if Jordie had called Mr. Fahey this story wouldn’t be instantly disproven. “We lost track of time.”

Jordie ran a hand through his shaggy dark hair. “Kaz, you can’t just wander around the city with no one knowing where you are. I should give you a curfew.”

For as long as Kaz could remember, Jordie had always been a little more. A little taller, a little heavier, a little better looking, a little more trusting, a little more tactful, a little better. It wasn’t until Kaz had created his Brekker identity that he’d truly acknowledged the ways that he was more. He was smarter, and braver, and a better fighter, and a better planner. He was more untrusting and untrustworthy, more hardworking, more reckless, more morally gray, and above all more vicious. Jordie was the better brother, but Kaz was the one who would get them their justice.

That was how he knew Jordie would never go through with the threat of a curfew. Jordie liked things to be easy; he knew that he would have to fight tooth and nail to impose something like that on Kaz and he’d rather not do the work. Kaz resented that on some level, because it was the same method of thinking that kept Jordie from truly trying to seek justice for their parents, but in this situation, it was helpful.

Suddenly Kaz was very tired. He’d had an absolutely horrible day and he really just wanted to curl up on the couch with a warm blanket. He’d make himself a mug of hot chocolate and maybe spike it with that bottle of whiskey that Jordie thought he didn’t know was hidden under the sink. He’d turn on the TV and watch whatever mindless programs were on until he fell asleep. Now his brother was here, and he had to deal with him instead.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”

Jordie wasn’t done, “I asked off of work tonight, did you know that? I wanted to spend some time with you. We’ve barely seen each other recently and I thought it would be nice to have a night just the two of us. Instead you spend the whole night galivanting around the city and I was stuck here watching the hours tick by and thinking of all the money I was losing!”

Kaz would not stand for that. “You know,” he snarled. “If you wanted to spend time with me, you could have asked me in advance. You could have said, ‘Hey, Kaz, I’m thinking about taking Thursday night off, so we could hang out. Do you have any plans?’ like any normal person. You can’t just expect me to never have anything going on. I’m not a little kid content to sit around practicing magic tricks and waiting for you to finally have time to notice me!”

That was a low blow, and mostly untrue because while Jordie had had increasingly less time as he picked up jobs to try to take care of both of them, he’d always tried to make time for Kaz. Kaz knew he’d feel guilty about playing that card eventually, but right now it didn’t matter.

Jordie’s mouth opened and closed in shock. “How can you say that?” he asked. “Everything I’ve ever done is to make things better for you.”

“If you really wanted to make things better then maybe you would have stopped our uncle from spending all our money,” Kaz snapped. “Maybe you would try to make Pekka Rollins pay for what happened to our parents!”

“Kaz, I can’t either of those things!” Jordie snarled. “You can’t just expect things to work out the way you want them to all the time, sometimes you have to accept what you get.”

“And sometimes you can’t just lie down and let the machine walk all over you!” Kaz said.

“I can’t bring Mom and Da back, Kaz,” Jordie said. “Getting Pekka Rollins won’t bring them back either.”

“I know that,” Kaz snarled. “I’m not a child, but that doesn’t change that he still deserves to pay.”

“Let it be, Kaz,” Jordie said quietly. “There’s nothing you can do.”

“If that’s the way you want to be,” Kaz said crossing his arms. “Then I don’t see why you’re so angry about where I was tonight. I told you that I was hanging out with Jesper and we lost track of time. I’d known that we were going to hang out for a while, if you’d asked me beforehand we could have avoided this whole situation. Now, I’m going to bed and there’s nothing more you can do about this situation.” Then he turned and stalked off into the apartment’s only other room.

His bed was on the right and Jordie’s was on the left. He peeled off his wet shoes and socks and kicked them as far under the bed as he could so Jordie wouldn’t step on them or something and start getting more suspicious. He took off the gloves too; he was lucky Jordie had been too angry to notice them. Then he threw himself face down onto his bed without bothering to change. Perhaps his eyes were a little wet, but he’d never admit that; Brekker didn’t cry.

Jordie never came into the bedroom, and when Kaz got up for school the next morning he was already gone.

--

Honestly, I think that one of the things I enjoyed most about this story was exploring the dynamic between Kaz and alive!Jordie.

Anyway, hope you all enjoyed.

Emjen

[overtopsdev]

Hacking Your Mental State

To quote the very first post on this blog; “starting something is easy”. However, we don’t want to just start this thing, we want to finish it too.

Working from home can be challenging at the best of times. Harry has spent most of his career doing it, but Shane has spent most of his actively avoiding it. This year however, none of us get a choice, the world rolled a 1, and we all have to work out how to do what we’ve got to do while in these particular circumstances we are in. It’s very tempting to throw up your hands and go “too hard, I’ll just wait for the world to be back to normal”, but that is no way to live. If you want to get anything done in life, you have to just roll with the punches, look at the situation and go, “ok, what can we do with this? How can we make this work anyway?” 

So, Harry and Shane have decided to make this whole game in a few months, on top of their other day jobs, which themselves are already quite demanding. How do we fit it in? Well, most answers to that question come down to making the best use of time that we can. Firstly we have to be constantly making decisions about what’s worth doing and what isn’t. This is discussed in more detail in the post “A Never Ending Balancing Act”. But it goes beyond just making smart decisions about the fidelity of the game. Often it will come down to doing less revisions of an asset, or having less content in the game, because a game that gets released with less content at least gets released.

(Walking? Easy. Walking to Perth? Hmm…. not so much)

But, even all that isn’t really the beginning of the story. Sometimes it can be hard just getting started.

This is where the title of this post comes in. This kind of applies across the board, but especially when working from home; there are ways you can trick yourself into being more productive. It might sound strange, but honestly, our brains are often like unruly pets, they aren’t just going to do what’s in our best interests by default, and you often need to “trick” them into desired behaviour.

A naive, yet common approach to “better productivity” and something I’m pretty sure is universal when we are young, I know I definitely both did it and saw it in all my peers when I was at uni, is to just consume more caffeine and pull all nighters to get things done. This is not really recommended. It might work in the short term for something like a game jam, but long term, it will just wreck you, and actually be COUNTER productive.

(Source: Shane’s actual energy drink can collection)

So, apart from a life long caffeine addiction, taking that approach won’t really get you anywhere, so what will?

The following is a list of tips and tricks we have picked up over the years, from reading books, to experimenting and learning from our own experience:

Just do it for 5 minutes

This is a common one amongst artists, and many of you might have heard this one before. Just getting started can be one of the biggest hurdles to overcome when it comes to productivity. The mountain of work in front of you can seem insurmountable, even if you have managed to conceptually break it down into bite sized tasks, that pile of tasks stretching off to the horizon can still feel like too much, and that can be a major hand brake on progress. So, because our brains are lazy, or more specifically have a lot of inertia (they just keep wanting to do what they are already doing), all you really need to do is convince yourself to just do 5 minute’s worth of work. That doesn’t sound so bad does it? You don’t have to do the whole thing, just 5 minutes, maybe 10. You will then find that after all the effort of getting set up, opening up the project (or in the case of art, getting your pencils/paints/whatever else out), and actually putting pen to paper, the momentum of getting started will carry you through. It will actually be harder to stop than to keep going, and before you know it, you will have done at least an hour or two worth of work.

Walk through a doorway

Ever have that experience of walking into another room and immediately forgetting why? Then when you go back, you remember? You aren’t just going senile, it’s to do with how our brains chunk information, and switch from context to context. Real life physical cues cause our brains to change context, I’m sure there’s probably some perfectly logical evolutionary explanation for it, but it doesn’t really matter why, all you need to know is that it is a thing, and you can use it to your advantage. By putting yourself in a different physical location, you can put yourself in a different mental location too, making it easier to be in “home mode” and “work mode”. Now, this year, we don’t get the “freebie” of going to an office or classroom to do this for us, but we can trick it into happening anyway. If you make sure to set up your space at home in a way that keeps work and leisure separate, even if it means just moving your monitor and chair from one side of your desk to the other, then when you “travel” from home to work, get up, walk to the letterbox, and come back to sit in your new context. Travelling through the doorways while doing so acts as like, mental “page breaks” or chapter markers. Trust me, it works.

Put shoes on

This is related to the above point. It’s about forcing your mental context. Wearing shoes is something most of us strongly associate with being in “work mode”. I would suspect that most people don’t wear shoes around their own home all day every day, and so the act of putting shoes on is subconsciously associated with going out and doing “non home things”, which for most of us, is probably most commonly work/school. Shane’s version/personal preference for this one is putting on a belt rather than shoes. It amounts to the same thing, although may be less effective. There aren’t really empirical studies on the difference that we are aware of .

Procrastinate your way to Productivity

This is honestly something I thought I came up with on my own, but I have since read about it a bunch of times, and discovered during conversation that a bunch of other people do it too.

It’s often easy to get distracted, or when working on something have the thought of “this sucks, I wish I was doing something else instead”. Like we touched on in the “Mix of Easy and Hard” post, this is something you can use to your advantage rather than trying to stubbornly avoid, by having an alternative, just as important task to go on with that is more appealing in the moment. If you have a Rock-Paper-Scissors style arrangement of multiple tasks that all trump each other when it comes to procrastination fodder, you can “procrastinate your way to productivity”.... this is one I would say to use with caution though, as you HAVE to ensure you always come back to the original thing, you can’t put stuff off forever. You also have to actually see tasks to completion when you switch to them. You can’t just keep doing nothing, otherwise, unsurprisingly, nothing will get done.

(This was clearly the result of someone procrastinating something more important)

Put the right music on

Something most people know, even if only subconsciously, is that we tend to be more productive while working to music (I honestly don’t know how musicians do their job then, that sounds like lonely work to me). An extension of that which most programmers at least seem to have a handle on, is that when doing anything that needs the language centre of your brain, like programming for example, or writing of any kind, it’s best to listen to something without lyrics. Classical, EDM, Vaporwave, whatever, but just not something that’s going to interfere with your ability to think words. This doesn’t seem to be as big a deal with art or level design though. Harry and Shane have both found that we are perfectly fine working on visual stuff while listening to basically anything.

One thing I did discover recently though, and in hindsight it’s not at all surprising, but my usual heavy rotation playlists were just getting too repetitive. I’d been listening to the same few favourite tracks over and over. So I started putting on full albums to work to, stuff I hadn’t listened to since I was a teenager/in my early 20s. Apart from the 1-2 “best” tracks off each album that would stay in heavy rotation. What I found was that this was an instant time warp back to my youth. This itself isn’t the revelation, everyone kind of knows that music facilitates mental time travel (the only sense better for it is smell). What was the revelation though, was how much this brought back the fire of enthusiasm for game dev.

There’s this unfortunate trade off that tends to occur over a lifetime, like a metal oxidising, where, when you are young you have all the enthusiasm and drive, but none of the skill or experience to do anything with it… then, the older you get, as experience goes up, the raw enthusiasm tends to blunt and dwindle. BUT, I found that by listening to my favorite music from my youth that I haven’t really listened to much recently, I was able to put myself back in that headspace. So, now that I do have the decades of experience, I am able to trick myself into that high drive mental frame from back when I couldn’t do much with it besides flounder around energetically, but ultimately ineffectively.

This last point I realise isn’t all that much help to most people reading this blog now, but maybe keep it in mind for the future. It might just help you down the track one day.

If you liked the stuff I was talking about in this post, then you absolutely have to read the book “Predictably Irrational”. It should be mandatory reading for any game developer in my opinion.

https://www.audible.com.au/pd/Predictably-Irrational-Audiobook/B01ITOX98S

Holy crap, that was a long one. Thanks for reading to the end.

[mysweetkittae]

For All Eternity

Characters: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Angst, Sprinkles of fluff

Word Count: 10,767

Warnings: I don’t want to give anything away, but if you don’t like sad things then this really isn’t for you. If you’re still uncertain then just drop me a message and I’d be more than happy to give you more information so you can decide if you still want to read it or not ^-^

Author’s Note: This was inspired by Written On The Sky by @inktae and it is honestly one of the greatest things I have ever read in my life, so if you haven’t read it already then please, please read it as soon as you can because you won’t regret it! Also, if you would prefer to read the Taekook version then that is also available on AO3

Music: I highly recommend listening to this playlist if you can because it really helps to set the mood

Summary: It wasn’t supposed to be like this. We were promised an eternity, you and I, together until the end of time – but I guess forever wasn’t as long as we thought it was. This was supposed to be the beginning of the rest of our lives, but instead, this is it. This is the end.

It had been less than a week since Jungkook and Y/N had come home from their honeymoon, the two of them still basking in the memories of the tropical bliss that had marked the beginning of their new lives together. Speckles of dust had scattered into the air as they emptied the last box in their new apartment the night before, with today being their first day of peace since returning, resulting in a lazy day that was spent lying in bed until the sun had almost reached its peak, reigning high above the clouds as it sat on its throne and watched its children down below.

Not a moment was spent without being in contact with one another, arms permanently latched around each other’s waists and lips continuously pressing softly against anywhere they could reach. Being the more sensible of the two, Y/N eventually managed to drag Jungkook out of bed and get him to freshen up, the threat of no more hugs and kisses causing him to leap out of her embrace, almost tripping on the covers as he raced to the bathroom.

Jungkook soon joined Y/N in the kitchen after scrubbing the fatigue from every inch of his body, munching on a helpless bunch of bananas as she started preparing lunch and tried to ignore their rumbling stomachs from the breakfast they had missed. Every now and then he would put the fruit to her mouth so she could take a bite, his eyes crinkling as he smiled at the sight before him – she was so focused on chopping the vegetables that she kept missing the banana as she moved her head to bite it, each time resulting in it going on her cheek or chin. She would pout at the uncomfortable feeling, but Jungkook would kiss away the fruity remnants from her skin with lips that lingered much longer than necessary, eventually just telling her to sit down and eat it properly as he took over and cut the vegetables for the pasta instead.

She refused, her excuse being that she didn’t trust him with the knife they had spent far too much money on, although in actuality she just wanted nothing more than to be close to her husband. Not being one to deny such a request, Jungkook wiped his hands on the kitchen towel before sitting her on the countertop instead, sneaking in multiple kisses in between chops.

“What's all this loving for?”

“Just because.” He would shrug, heart swelling in adoration for the pure domesticity of it all.

After demolishing their food, plates practically licked clean from the hunger that had ravaged them, they decided to go out for a bit, the day being far too beautiful to waste it cooped up inside. There was no plan laid out on where to go, as was always the case with Jungkook and Y/N, just the two of them wandering around town hand in hand as they soaked up the summer sun. It was a beautiful day for a stroll, the gentle breeze giving them a much needed respite from the stifling humidity of the air around them.

“Y/N, didn’t we need to buy a present for your sister’s baby shower?” Jungkook asked as they picked their ice creams from the freezer in the convenience store.

“Yeah, I want to take a look around first before buying something though.” She replied as she licked the rivulet of ice cream that had already begun to drip down the side of the cone, beaming back at the shop keeper who couldn’t help but smile at the way Jungkook and Y/N looked at each other with such fondness.

“Make sure you don’t get anything ridiculous though, remember we have to travel with it in the car.” He warned as they left the shop, the sun melting away any coolness that had settled into their bodies from the air conditioner in the shop behind them.

“So no 50ft teddy?”

“Unfortunately not, my love.”

“Dammit,” Y/N mumbled, lips twisting into a pout as her brows furrowed towards the boy that was ruining her plans for her future aunting endeavours.

“Hey, don’t blame me, blame your sister for living so far away.”

“Are you sure we can't get it? We can send it by post!” She suggested, clinging on to Jungkook's arm in hopes of convincing him.

“Honey, a newborn baby isn’t going to need a 50ft teddy bear.” Jungkook reasoned.

“They're not going to be newborn forever though! One day they will grow up and then play with the teddy and love me forever and then I’ll be their favourite aunt. Don’t ruin my plans.” She whined, feet stomping unintentionally as they so often did when she didn’t get her way.

“You don’t need to bribe a baby with a giant teddy bear to be their favourite, they’ll love you no matter what.”

“Still…”

“Look, how about you still get a big teddy, but just not one that is bigger than your whole family combined?” He suggested, arm wrapping around her waist after discarding the wrappers of the ice cream that was consumed far too quickly for their liking.

“Fine,” she said as she rolled her eyes in despondence. “I don’t think my sister and her husband would appreciate such a big teddy anyway.”

“Exactly.” He replied as he booped her nose, lips chastely kissing her temple as they continued their walk.

“I'm so smart, you're so lucky you married me. Honestly Jungkook, I don’t know why you wanted to give a newborn baby such a giant teddy bear.”

“Oh really now?”

“Mmh hmm. It’s okay though, I still love you no matter how silly your ideas are.”

“Good, because you vowed to stay with me for better or for worse.”

“To be honest I'm still waiting for the better- OW DON’T ELBOW ME!”

The sun had started to set by the time they decided to make their way back home, hands swinging between their bodies as they skipped down the footpath, steps light with a joy that made them feel as though there were no worries in the world.

They had each other, and that was enough.

***

Jungkook had been setting everything up for their regular movie night as Y/N tidied up what was left of their dinner when the contents of the TV suddenly drew him in, reeling him closer as his heart came to a sudden still.

“Y/N, come here.”

“I’ll be there in a min-”

“No. You need to come right now.”

She frowned at the harsh tone of the boy that was usually so soft spoken, putting down the empty Tupperware containers on the countertop before immediately following the hum of the TV, its volume increasing with every step, much like the fear that had suddenly overtaken her. Jungkook's eyes were still glued to the screen as she sat down beside him, his trembling hands frantically reaching for hers, holding it so tightly that she was certain her circulation was being cut off.

The words of the announcer caught her attention, head whipping to face the dim light of the screen that illuminated the room as their malformed shadows danced against the walls, twisting along the windows and crawling along the ceiling; waiting, watching.

“-reports of an asteroid heading straight towards Earth. NASA have released information of attempting to redirect the path of the asteroid using a Double Asteroid Redirection Test, also known as DART, but as this has not been tested before there is no guarantee of its success. It is not known what effects this asteroid may have on Earth as it draws nearer, but one thing is certain – if the path is not deflected, there will be very little hope. This has been reporter-”

Silence encompassed the room as Y/N abruptly turned the TV off.

“Let’s go to bed.”

“Y/N-”

“We have a long day tomorrow – we need to buy stuff for the baby and buy presents for everyone else.”

“Y/N please-”

“Come on Kookie, I'm tired.”

She didn’t speak after that, quickly brushing her teeth and getting into bed long before Jungkook was even able to find the strength to get up off the sofa. She pretended to be fast asleep by the time Jungkook managed to crawl under the covers, ignoring the way he gripped her waist tightly and pulled her flush against his chest, the fear of losing her coursing through his veins. Neither of them got much sleep that night, confusion and anger at the universe running rampant through their minds.

It wasn’t until the first rays of the sun began peeking through the curtains that Jungkook found momentary peace, so exhausted that he didn’t even realise when Y/N had given up trying to sleep and got out of bed. She wandered slowly around their apartment after freshening up, fingers delicately dancing over the décor they had finished only a couple of days ago, tears threatening to fall as she remembered how enthusiastically the two of them had dedicated months to picking out everything so their first home together would be perfect.

Her eyes eventually landed on the food that had been left on the countertop all night and began putting it away, breath wavering with each movement. She quickly started preparing breakfast when she heard the water running in the bathroom, knowing well how famished Jungkook always was after waking up. That was how things were with them – they had spent so much time together that they knew each other better than they knew themselves. Rather than two separate individuals, they were like one person in two bodies, only feeling complete when with the other. Sure, they had wonderful friends that they enjoyed spending time with, but nothing gave them more joy than being with each other, just cuddling as they breathed in the other’s scent.

They were each other’s home, and they never wanted to leave.

Silence shrouded the home that the newlyweds had spent so long dreaming about, the air so rigid in its presence that even the slightest of movement would leave everything shattered, splinters of what once could have been piercing through the softest of flesh. A gentle hand on Y/N's shoulder snapped her out of her thoughts, head turning to meet the morose face of her husband.

“Good morning! I made us breakfast so go sit down and I’ll get our plates ready.” She exclaimed, the forceful cheeriness of her words attempting to mask the truth that had yet to be uttered from their lips.

“Y/N, stop.” Jungkook whispered.

“Stop what? We need to eat quickly so we can go out and buy gifts for everyone. It’s peak sale season and if we don’t get to the shops quickly then all the good stuff will be gone! I refuse to buy anything for my future niece or nephew that isn’t of the highest quality.”

“Y/N please…” She ignored his words this time, placing the plates on the table and pushing him down into his seat before sitting in her own.

The whole time she spent talking as if nothing had changed, making plans of what they’d do when they arrived at her sister’s house and how they’d have so much to catch up on once they’d used up all their holidays and have to go back to work. Jungkook knew what she was doing, pretending that nothing had happened to stop her heart from breaking – as if convincing herself that they would be okay would somehow change the will of the universe.

He was aware that he couldn’t keep letting her be like this – the longer she took to come to terms with the situation, the more difficult it would be for her, but he just couldn’t do it. Seeing the smile on her face, regardless of how forced it was… he couldn’t hurt her like that. All he had ever wanted was for her to be happy, and if that meant playing along with her false reality, then so be it. He listened intently to everything she had to say, hanging onto every word, storing them securely away in his mind to remember her sweet voice until the very end. Breakfast had lasted longer than usual, neither of them finding it in them to do much more than swirl around the runny yolk amongst the crumbs of bread that were scattered all over – a bleeding sun in a sky full of nothing but amorphous rocks.

The world around them was silent as they walked towards the shops, not a single breeze flowing nor leaves rustling. No animals were seen, not even the distant chirping of a bird carrying through the air. They only thing they had to remind them that this was reality was the touch of their hands entwined together. Everything was deserted, the stark contrast to yesterday’s bustling streets giving them whiplash. Y/N was becoming more and more unsettled, the visible effect of the news rapidly breaking down the walls she was trying so hard to build around her. So when she saw an old man coming out of his shop and locking the door ran she ran up to him, praying for him to help maintain her façade.

“Excuse me, why are you locking up? It’s still so early in the morning.” She questioned, still trying so hard to continue with her lies.

“Did you not hear the new last night, dear?” He questioned curiously. “There's an asteroid heading straight towards Earth, so what's the point in coming to work? Everyone’s just staying at home and spending as much time with their loved ones as they can.”

“What about you?” Jungkook asked.

“I'm going back home to my wife now, I left something important of hers here so I came to get it for her. Now, if you’ll excuse me...” He nodded gently and made his way, heart weighing heavily at the sight of the girl who was slowly crumbling to the ground, tears streaming down her face as the fortress she had built to protect herself came crashing down. There was no way she could lie to herself anymore – even if she had told herself that the reporter was lying, seeing how barren their city was, a city that was always so full of people racing to where they had to be, she had no choice but to accept their fate.

Their world was going to end, and there was nothing they could do about it.

“Let’s go home.” Jungkook whispered, gathering the fragile girl in his arms as he guided them back to their apartment, doing his best to hold back the tears of his own that were desperate to be set free.

She cried herself to sleep as soon as they got back, not bothering to eat for the rest of the day despite Jungkook's many attempts to get her to at least take a few bites.

“What's the point?” She would say. “We’re going to die anyway”.

It wasn’t until the early hours before dawn that she got out of bed, the brief relief from grief reminding her of her family. Jungkook woke from the constant sound of the dial tone, Y/N's desperation at trying to communicate with her family evoking another bout of sobs.

“Honey…”

“They're not picking up. Why aren’t they picking up, Kookie?”

“Y/N, the phones aren’t working properly. I tried calling our families before but it’s not going through. I think there's a fault in the system.”

“HOW CAN THERE BE A FAULT?!” She shrieked, Jungkook wrapping his arms around her tightly as her body shook from hysteria, hands rubbing circles on her back to try and calm her hyperventilation.

“Just breathe, love, I'm here.”

“Can't we drive? Our families live close to each other, if we set off now we can see them both and make sure they're okay.” She begged, pulling away slightly to look at Jungkook's face that was torn with distraught.

“The roads are blocked. Everyone is leaving the city to go back home – there's no way to get in or out. Public transport is off too – there's nobody there to drive.”

“But our family…” She whimpered.

“I'm sorry, honey, there's no way of reaching them.”

She cried herself to sleep after that, curled up in Jungkook's arms as he rocked her back to a state of oblivion – for at least when she was asleep she needn’t have so many fears. When they finally awoke the next day Y/N's face was puffy and her eyes were swollen, tears from her bloodshot eyes staining her cheeks.

Jungkook tried to give some semblance of their normal routine – kissing her forehead “good morning” and making them breakfast, but this girl that sat before him, she was not the same person that he had married but a few weeks ago. The girl he had fallen in love with was full of so much love and life that even the sun itself would have been jealous at the brightness she exuded. But this girl… this girl was so broken and empty and she could do nothing but remain in her catatonic state, not even the remnants of a smile painting her lips. After feeding her himself Jungkook took her to the bathtub, hoping that maybe soaking in the water would help to bring her back even a little bit.

But there was no reaction when he gently undressed her, his fingers faintly crossing the icy skin that usually burned like the wildest of fires.

There was no reaction when he put her favourite bath bomb in, the pinks and blues swirling around the ripples of water as the light reflected on the flecks of glitter, a spectacle that would normally have her squealing in delight at the phantasmagorical sight.

There was no reaction when he sat on the side of the tub and washed her hair, his fingers dancing across her scalp in the way that would always evoke the softest of whimpers, the sensation relaxing her muscles and making her feel as if there was not a single worry in the world.

There was no reaction when he wrapped her in her favourite purple fluffy towel, hair dryer blowing wafts of hot air as the water evaporated from her hair, wisps falling softly against her face as he pulled her comfiest pyjamas over her head.

There was no reaction when they sat huddled up on the sofa with the movie she could recite in her sleep playing in the background as he held a mug of hot chocolate in his hands, delicately cupping her chin as he tried to get something warm inside her.

There was no reaction.

There was nothing.

The same routine carried on throughout the rest of the week, with Jungkook doing his best to feed and bathe her and overall doing everything he could think of to try and get anything out of her. At least if she cried he would know that she was feeling something, but she hadn’t spoken a word or made any attempt of acknowledging his presence for days, and it was tearing him apart.

The TV channels had stopped receiving signal a few days after the initial report, as had any other form of communication. The only manner of entertainment was the endless supply of DVDs and books they had amassed over the years, hours of endless movies playing just to break the deafening silence. After opening the fridge one afternoon to start making them lunch, Jungkook realised that they hardly had any food left. He wanted to go to the supermarket and stock up on more, but there were two problems: one, he didn’t want to leave Y/N alone, but he knew that there was no way that she was in any state to go with him, and two, he didn’t even know if the shops would be open – people weren’t working anymore, and that meant that food most likely wasn’t being delivered and people probably weren’t manning the shops.

Just at that moment he saw their neighbour from the window, making his way into the building with bags of food in his hands. With the lifts no longer functioning, Jungkook raced out to meet him at the stairs and helped him carry them to his floor, arms quickly reaching out to stabilise his faltering figure.

“Ahjusshi, where did you get all this food from? I didn’t realise supermarkets were still open.” He said as he helped the elderly man with his bags, up the stairs and into his apartment.

“Most of them are closed, but there are still a few open and being run by kind souls who are willing to deliver food and distribute it.” He wheezed, leaning against the wall as he tried to catch his breath.

“Where is the closest one?” Jungkook questioned, eyes full of concern for the frail man in front of him.

“It’s quite a few miles away, it might take you a while.”

“Why didn’t you call me to help you? You shouldn’t be exerting yourself so much at your age.”

“I know how much Y/N has been struggling, son, I couldn’t ask you to leave her. How is she doing, by the way?”

“She's still the same,” Jungkook replied morosely. “She hasn’t said a word in almost a week and I'm not even sure if she can hear me at this point. I don’t know what to do.”

“You just have to give her time, dear. It’s not easy coming to terms with everything that’s going on, and some people are taking it harder than others.”

“I guess. How’s your wife?”

“She's okay, she didn’t have much long left anyway so it hasn’t really made much difference to her. In a way I'm glad, at least this way I don’t have to spend a day without her. Anyway, I should get going now, I don’t like leaving her alone for longer than is necessary.”

“I understand. Please, take care of yourselves, and thank you.”

“It’s no problem at all, son. I hope Y/N gets better soon.” Jungkook nodded in the man’s direction and made his way down the stairs, hoping that Y/N would stay asleep until he got back.

Despite the malfunction of mass amounts of technology cars were still functioning, although the heavy blockage of roads meant that travelling in one simply wasn’t feasible. In spite of Jungkook having a muscular build it wasn’t an easy journey, as having to walk so far and walk all the way back with heavy bags of food was not something he had ever had to do before.

The sun had begun its premature descent by the time Jungkook had made his way home, not even their source of life being able to bare to witness the dying hope of the world it had so preciously curated. His muscles were shaking as he tried to open their front door, the extreme exertion of his body begging him to rest, to close his eyes and sleep for days on end, but the second he entered the room all thoughts vanished after hearing the screaming coming from the bedroom. He dropped the bags without second thought and ran towards the sound, seeing his wife curled up into a ball at the foot of the bed, head cradled in her hands and knees pulled tightly to her chest, shrieks ravaging her body as sobs choked every breath.

“Y/N! Y/N, it’s okay, I'm here!” He tried consoling, fear threatening to burst through the seams he had so difficulty sown himself together with.

“JUNGKOOK!” She kept screaming, any sense of reality escaping from her as she continuously chanted his name.

“Y/N please.” He begged as he tried to remove her hands that were gripped so tightly to her hair.

It felt like almost an eternity later that he managed to coax her into letting go, the blossoming bruises on her face being revealed as the pressure against her skin finally lessened. He quickly wrapped her up in his arms, rocking her back and forth as he tried to calm her further, his lips permanently pressing against her forehead and hair.

“Hush, my love, I'm here. I'm right here.”

“Don’t go.” She choked, breath hitching with each inhale and exhale.

“I'm not going anywhere, I'm not leaving you.”

“You left me. Where did you go?” She whimpered, curling further into his embrace, twisting, turning, writhing, further and further until she was burrowed deep inside his heart, no discernible difference between their two bodies.

“I had to go get food, there was nothing left at home.”

“You took so long. When I woke up you weren’t there and I thought you were never coming back.”

“I'm sorry for leaving you. It was far away and I had to walk so it took a long time. I'm sorry. I won't leave you ever again.”

“Don’t leave me.”

“I won't. I promise.”

“I'm scared.”

“I know, but you don’t have to worry. It’s okay, you're okay.”

“Please don’t leave me.”

“I won't, I won't. I promise you, my dear. I will always be right here. Now come on, let’s get you cleaned up, it’ll make you feel better.”

Any aches were long forgotten as he helped her to her feet and took her towards the bathroom, her fear evident in how she wouldn’t let go of his touch for even a second. She insisted that he come in the bath with her, tears streaming at the thought of Jungkook leaving her again. Y/N sat curled up against his chest, the two of them sitting in silence as the water lapped around them, only getting out when it got too cold to stay in any longer.

Dinner was light, the knowledge of the increasing scarcity of food dissipating any hunger they may have previously had. They were huddled up on the sofa as always when the TV suddenly switched on, the flickering of the revived news channel garnering their attention.

“-as you are aware, signals have been disrupted all over the world, leaving no access of contact either through phone, internet, or television. The past few days have seen scientists from around the globe trying to discover the cause of this, finally coming to the conclusion that this is due to the extreme magnetic nature of the impending asteroid, which is disrupting and distorting all kinds of signals. An alternate pathway has been managed to be developed, although this is being reserved only for the conveyance of information to the public and for scientific communication due to its instability and inability to support mass usage. Unfortunately, this means that there is no way to contact your loved ones-”

The already flickering screen abruptly cut off, the sound of the cheery animation they were watching resuming as the alternative pathway already flittered to silence. The tears that had managed to cease flowing for a while resurfaced from Y/N's abused eyes, the knowledge that there was definitely no way of contacting their families tearing her heart to shreds. For so long she had consoled herself with the idea that maybe eventually the phone lines would clear up and she would be able to contact them again, but now she didn’t even have that thought to hold on to. She would never be able to hear their voices again, and that wasn’t something she could bare to accept.

“Y/N, breathe.” Jungkook reminded, his palm once more finding home in the space between her shoulders.

“Jungkook… what the reporter said… it can't be true right?” She said as she looked up to him.

“I'm afraid so.” He whispered quietly, burying her face into the crook of his neck as her pain rang through the air, the sharp cries ricocheting off the ceiling lights and straight into Jungkook's chest, impaling him with a pain that was far worse than any of his own. That night was the first in many that she acknowledged his presence, the terrifying thought of him leaving her breaking her out of the catatonic state and bringing her back into a more responsive one.

“Why is this happening?” She questioned as Jungkook tucked the covers around them, her head resting on his chest as his arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer, accepting for the first time that their world was going to end.

“I don’t know.”

“The baby was supposed to be born next month. It won't ever get to see this world will it?”

He kissed her head in reply, for no words could ever ease the pain of knowing that a child, a sweet, innocent baby, would never even have a chance at life.

“I wish I could hear their voices one last time.”

“Me too, I want to hear them and see their faces. But maybe it’s better this way – at least the last memory we’ll have of them is of them smiling and being happy.”

“It’s not fair.”

And she was right. They had just gotten married – this was supposed to be the beginning of the rest of their lives, but instead it was being ripped away from them. It wasn’t fair, none of this was fair.

Sleep came fairly quickly to Y/N that night, the panic attack from earlier and the endless tears tiring her out and rapidly lulling her into a deep sleep. Jungkook, however, could not say the same. His eyes were wide open and mind running a million miles an hour despite the moonbeams piercing through the curtains long ago. Tears had become a constant companion since the news of the asteroid was released, but usually he was able to contain them enough to not disturb Y/N.

Today was different though.

The fatigue of his extreme exertion, seeing Y/N in her state of hysteria, and having to accept the fact that they would never see or hear from their families again was just too much. This whole time he had done everything he possibly could to stay strong for Y/N – she needed him now more than ever and if he broke too then there would be no one to look after her. But Jungkook was human too, and there was only so much he could take.

He untangled himself from her arms as he felt a bout of sobs clawing through his chest, crawling up his throat and threatening to destroy the sanctity of the little bubble that he had built for Y/N. He stumbled into the bathroom and closed the door gently behind him, sliding to the ground and leaning against the bathtub. He brought his knees firmly to his chest as his hands gripped his hair fiercely, curling tightly into a ball as he tried to contain the cries that ravaged his lungs, ready to vanquish his very existence.

It hurt.

Knowing that their world was ending was painful, but knowing that he would never be able to see Y/N again, never touch her again and never hear her voice again… it was excruciating. It felt as though every atom from his being was being ripped away, slowly, slowly, until all that was left was a memory of the person he once used to be. He kept a brave face on for Y/N's sake, but the truth is that he was absolutely petrified of what was to come.

How do you even cope with knowing that your planet was simply going to cease to exist one day and there was nothing you could do about it? They don’t teach you things like this in school, nor in one of those self-help books that seem to be lining all the shelves. This was something that was supposed to stay within the realms of science fiction, yet here it had come, seeping through the pages of books and manifesting itself into a grim reality.

They were all going to die, and that was the cold, hard truth.

It was still dark outside when Y/N awoke, the digital clock on the bedside table flashing a stark 03:27. Her breath stilled as her hand searched in futile for the warmth that had been comforting her, any trace of body heat dissipating long before her eyes fluttered open. The spell of calmness Jungkook had put her under quickly disappeared, adrenaline racing through her veins as the fears in her mind exploded exponentially.

The wooden flooring scraped her knee as she lurched out of bed, eyes searching in the dark for her beacon of hope. Her lip began quivering in defeat, unable to see the figure of the one person she was looking for, until her ears picked up soft sobs coming from the direction of the bathroom. Her hands slowly pushed the door open, moonlight filtering through the small window and illuminating the shadow of the boy that looked so small and shattered that Y/N hardly recognised him at all.

“Kookie…” She breathed, relieved that her lover hadn’t vanished, but fearful of his fragile state of mind.

She gently sat down beside him, taking his hands in hers and resting his head on her shoulder, much like her had done to her earlier that day.

“It’s okay,” she whispered, perhaps more to herself than to her husband.

His arm gripped tighter to her shirt, pushing his head further into her chest. Her clothes were soaked with his tears but she didn’t care, all that mattered was that Jungkook was hurting and she needed to be there for him. He didn’t need to tell her what he was thinking – his shaking body made it obvious enough what was troubling him. The two of them remained on the cold floor of the bathroom that night, only the sound of muffled sobs and gentle we’ll be okay’s breaking the silence. It was only when the auburn hues of dawn mingled with the golden radiance of the illuminating rays that they moved from their positions, bones creaking as they stretched out after a night of confinement.

This time it was Y/N's turn to carry Jungkook's limp body through the day, gentle fingertips massaging his scalp as the cool water counteracted the heat that was far too searing for this early in the morning. He was more reactive than her, at least, cooperating with her requests of moving his body so she could dry and dress him. He had somewhat returned to his usual self once she had gotten some food in him, wisps of a faint smile painting his lips as she pressed soft kisses to his face – neither his forehead, cheeks, nose, nor lips escaping the flurry of her love, reminding him that no matter what, they would get through this.

A quick nap had replenished much of the energy that had been spent last night pondering their unforeseen future, the anger from the past week slowly shifting to acceptance, a serene sense of peace overcoming them now that they had come to terms with the truth.

“Kookie.”

“Hmm?” Jungkook responded, fingers continuing to stroke her hair as she propped herself up on his chest, their legs entwined together just like their hearts.

“Let’s go somewhere.” He stilled momentarily, eyes opening to look at the face above him.

“Go where?”

“Somewhere beautiful.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to cry anymore. I don’t know how much longer we have left, but I do know that whatever time we do have, I want to spend it seeing as much beauty as I can. There is so much this world has to offer, and I want to remember it all.”

“Is there anywhere in particular you have in mind?” Jungkook replied, his heart warming at seeing his wife slowly returning to her former disposition.

“Mmh,” she nodded. “Let’s go to the park.”

***

They began their walk after the sweltering humidity of the afternoon had died down, a subtle breeze providing some relief from the sweat that caused their clothes to cling to their bodies. Not a single person had crossed their path on their journey, the world seemingly so still and barren of life.

It really did feel like they were the only people left in the world.

Their time at the park was spent sat on the swings, reminiscing on when they were younger and how carefree they were, memories of effortless laughter and flushed cheeks flooding their thoughts. It was strange, being in a park and not hearing the screams of little children as they ran around, their sweet voices sending jolts of happiness through anyone that was blessed enough to hear them. The gentle swinging on the swings left the breeze sweeping through their hair, fluttering through the air as their feet broke free from the confines of gravity.

“Do you remember how we talked about getting married and having kids on like our first date?” Y/N asked, turning to the side to face Jungkook.

“Yeah, our friends always thought we were weird for that.” He chuckled.

“It was pretty strange thinking back on it now, but it just seemed so natural back then. After meeting you, I just knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and start a family.”

“I felt the same way, and I think that’s what freaked my friends and family out the most. I had never considered the idea of settling down and having a family, so you can imagine their shock when I started blabbering to everyone about how you were the one and that I wanted to marry you as soon as possible even though we had just started dating.”

“It probably helped that we were friends first though.”

“That’s true, I think they would’ve slapped me if I started saying all that stuff about someone I had just met.”

“I would’ve slapped you regardless to be honest.”

“Ouch. Why must you hurt me so?”

“I'm your wife, I have privileges.”

“Whatever.”

“Jungkook,” she started again after a few moments of silence. “Do you wish that we had gotten married earlier?”

“Hmm, I'm not sure. Do you?”

“Sometimes. I know that waiting until we were older and financially stable was sensible, but I can't help but thinking about what if we had just gotten married back then instead of waiting for eight years. We could’ve had children by now.”

“Is this something you’ve thought about before, or in light of recent events?”

“Option two.”

“Well, even if we did get married years ago, I don’t think we would’ve had a baby until around this time anyway.”

“Why not?”

“Well we would’ve still been too young to bring a life into this world and raise them. We had to finish university and then find a job to support ourselves, how could we have looked after another human being when we could hardly look after ourselves?”

“We would’ve found a way. I know that we would’ve loved the baby no matter how difficult things were.”

“I have no doubt about that, but we both know that things would be very different if we had done that.”

“Yeah, I know. We definitely made the right decision, but I can't help but wonder what if? You know that having children was the one thing I wanted the most in this world, but now I'm never going to have that.”

Maybe in another life, Jungkook thought, knowing too well how the thought of not being given the chance to have children was the thing that was hurting her the most. Maybe in another life, the universe will be fair and we will have the family that we always dreamed of.

Feeling their words starting to weigh down the air on their shoulders, Jungkook quickly changed the topic, bring up a story that never failed to make the two of them smile.

“Hey Y/N, do you remember the day we first met?”

***

It had been their first year of university, the magic of leaving home and gaining independence quickly wearing off after the truth of student life came crashing down around them. Y/N had been rushing to her next lecture when a certain someone had quite literally swept her off of her feet, throwing her to the ground as her belongings flew into the air. Jungkook had been too occupied whilst talking to his friends, so busy with walking backwards and making animated hand gestures that he didn’t notice Y/N walking past, resulting in him accidentally whacking her in the face and knocking her down, making her nose bleed and almost giving her a concussion.

He had felt so guilty in that moment, looking towards his friends who were equally as shocked in hopes that one of them would tell him what to do. The blood had continued to flow from her now horrifically bruised nose, dripping onto her white shirt and painting the expanse into a brilliant vermillion sky. Apologies continuously sputtered from Jungkook's mouth as he helped to carry her to the nurse, cowering from the woman’s angry stare after retelling the tale of Y/N's injuries. Once the nurse had patched her up and made sure that there were no serious injuries, Y/N was free to go, with Jungkook insisting on helping her back to her room.

He gave her his number and told her to contact him at any time if she needed something, even if it was in the middle of the night. He even offered to pay for any painkillers that she needed to take, but she vehemently refused. Being the type of person that she was, she didn’t like taking favours from people, so in her eyes Jungkook taking her to the nurse and bringing her back home was more than enough.

Still, Jungkook continuously asked to take her out for lunch or dinner or just anything to make up for whacking her in the face, although Y/N declined each time as she didn’t want to bother him any more than she already had. But Jungkook was persistent, and he wanted to make up for hurting her so badly, no matter how long it took to get her to agree. She repeatedly told him that he didn’t need to apologise so much or feel guilty since it was an accident – he didn’t intentionally hurt her so she had no reason to be angry at him, but he begged her to let him do just one thing for her so he could stop feeling so guilt-ridden.

Realising that Jungkook really did feel horrible about this, she agreed to go out with him for lunch once the swelling had gone down, the two of them meeting a couple of weeks after at the Italian restaurant on the other side of campus that was equally as delicious as it was student-budget-friendly. Having a conversation that didn’t revolve around Y/N's injury for the first time, they realised that the two of them actually had a lot in common, leading to the start of them talking more frequently, and with Y/N quickly sliding into Jungkook's friendship group like she had been there right from the beginning.

They very quickly became best friends, becoming closer and closer over the next few months and sharing almost everything about themselves to each other. So when the time came for them to finally announce to everyone that they had started dating, it was no surprise to anyone. Their family had practically adopted the other soon after being introduced to them, so when they found out that they were in a relationship they couldn’t have been more ecstatic.

Their first proper date as a couple was spent sitting in the Italian restaurant they had gone to that first time, talks of settling down and starting a family occurring soon after the starters had arrived. With anyone else that conversation wouldn’t have taken place, and even if it did then it would’ve been nothing but forced and full of empty promises. But with them, there was nothing but genuine desire for commitment.

Whether soulmates existed or not they didn’t know, but the one thing they did know for certain was that there was no one in the world that was more perfect for them. It was as if when the universe created them, they had been made together – two pieces of a puzzle that fit so perfectly together that there was never any fear of falling apart.

So much had happened in the past eight years – with graduation becoming a reality that came true too soon, to friends scattering around the globe in pursuit of their dreams. There had been a few years that saw vast oceans and distant time zones between Jungkook and Y/N, but no matter how much physical distance was between them, their hearts always beat in tandem. They had figured out a routine, with Jungkook waking early and Y/N staying up late in order to catch a glimpse of the other’s face before quickly whispering a sweet good morning/ good night and waiting patiently until the next day to repeat the dance they had so quickly perfected, the few moments of seeing each other being worth the sleepless nights and the constant heartache.

Jungkook had managed to find a job in the same city as Y/N last year, his arrival back home leading to their long overdue engagement soon after. It had been simple, with Jungkook taking Y/N out for a late night picnic under the stars before asking her the question that had never been a matter of if, but only a matter of when. The next year had been spent juggling between work, planning the wedding, and finding the home they could call their own, and though it had been hectic and incredibly stressful, every moment had been worthwhile and full of laughter, knowing well that it would all be worth it once they finally said their vows and started the rest of their lives together.

A lot had happened over the past eight years, but they were definitely the best years of their lives.

***

The TV hummed back to life late one night, the sorrowful voice of the reporter calling them from the kitchen into the living room, a space that now felt far from containing life.

“-we have just now received reports that NASA’s DART mission has failed. Although the on-board autonomous targeting system successfully aimed itself at the asteroid, the spacecraft that was supposed to strike the asteroid did not manage to reach high enough speeds to change its course. Whilst the team are continuing to collaborate with international groups to figure out what went wrong and send out another mission, it is uncertain whether this second, and most likely final, attempt will bring good news.”

No tears were shed at the arrival of the news this time, just acknowledgment as the two of them looked each other in the eyes and gave a small smile. Their slumber was cut short less than a week later, the voice of the TV carrying into their bedroom with a truth that pierced into their skin like a searing blade, the two of them laying in silence as the finality of the reporter’s last words bled through their ears.

“The asteroid is accelerating at a rate much faster than predicted. We have one week left.”

One week.

One week left to do everything they’d ever wanted.

One week left to spend time with each other.

One week left before they cease to exist.

Just one week.

***

They arrived at the forest whilst the sun was still on its upwards ascent, the cool morning air fluttering through their clothes, as if it was carrying their scent up into the heavens, immortalising them in the sky that would continue long after they breathed their last breaths. Everything was so quiet around them, like even nature was aware of the occurrences that were to unfold.

They were in awe of the beauty around them, and when Y/N glanced up to see the sunlight filtering through the leaves, she couldn’t help but tear up. The sky used to be her safe space, the one thing she could always look up at to make her feel at ease, but now every time she looked up to the sky, all she felt was fear and resentment.

Even her love of the sky was taken away from her, and she hated it.

She hated how one by one everything and everyone she had ever loved and cared about was slowly being ripped away, until one day there would be nothing left.

Jungkook saw her progressively drifting away into her fears, eyes glistening as they continued staring through the foliage and at the floating clouds. Everything looked just like it always had, but nothing was the same. He quickly wrapped his arms around her, pulling her ear close to his beating heart to help ground her and bring her back.

“It’s okay, we’ll be okay.” He repeated, again and again like a chant, perhaps hoping that if he said it enough times it would come true.

Once calmed down they resumed their walk, stumbling upon a stream an hour or so later, the two of them dipping their toes in shallow water. It was mesmerising, watching the water ripple as the wind caressed it and the fish swam against the flow.

“What are you thinking?” Jungkook questioned, noticing the furrowed brows on Y/N's face.

“Do you think they know? That the world is going to end, I mean.” She responded, feet swirling in the water as tiny splashes landed on her legs.

“I think so, animals have very strong intuition.”

“I don’t think any amount of intuition could predict an asteroid flying into a planet.”

“No, but I'm sure they know that something is wrong. It probably explains why we hardly see animals anymore – the asteroid is so magnetic that it’s probably messing with Earth’s natural forces and they can sense it.”

“Why are they still swimming then?” She wondered. “What's the point if they know that they're going to die?”

“We all have to die someday, some just earlier than others. It’s harder for us to come to terms with that because we’re humans and we perceive time so differently to other animals, but it’s all just relative. We’re born, we live, and then we die. And it’s ironic really, but death is the only certainty in life. There's no guarantee that you'll be born once you're conceived, only that one day you'll die. And whether that’s still in the womb, shortly after birth, or even a hundred years later, we all face the same fate.”

“What's the point in existing then? Why bother?”

“Why not?” He countered. “There doesn’t always have to be some extravagant reason for being alive, just the fact that you are is more than enough. Sure, our particular end isn’t something we ever thought it would be, but it is what it is. We just have to accept it.”

“How are you so calm about this? Aren’t you afraid?”

“Of course I am, I'm absolutely terrified. But as someone wise once told me, ‘don’t be so angry at the world, the only person you'll hurt is yourself’.”

“What idiot told you that?” She scoffed.

“You did.” She looked at him in confusion, face scowling at the missing memory.

“Do you not remember? You told me that years ago and it’s something I've held on to ever since.”

“Oh yeah,” she said as her words started coming back to her. “I told you that after you injured your leg and had to drop out of athletics. You were so angry back then.”

“I know, it was awful. I loved athletics so much but I had to quit just as I was about to compete in nationals. I hated the world for being so harsh and I was so angry and bitter all the time.”

“That was not a fun time. I was so worried about you.”

“I know, I still feel bad for everything I put you through. But what you said to me, it really changed my perspective. I’d always had quite the temper, taking it out on other people and the world when things didn’t go the way I wanted them to, but you were right in that being angry at the world was doing nothing but hurting myself. What's happened has happened and no amount of screaming and crying is going to change that, so the best thing to do is to accept it and figure out where to go from there.”

“I'm surprised you still remember that.”

“I told you, it helped me more than you know. You must’ve noticed how much I mellowed out after that.”

“That’s true, you weren’t such an angry young man all the time.”

“It’s the only way I'm able to stay relatively sane throughout this whole mess. The asteroid is coming and no amount of crying and anger is going to change that. We might as well just try and enjoy what time we do have left and be grateful that we at least got an advance warning.”

“If only eighteen year old Kookie could hear you now, he would be shocked.”

“I think he would be more shocked at knowing that he married you to be honest. He’d probably faint from joy.”

“Mmh. Regardless of how messed up everything is, I'm glad I have you Kookie.”

“I'm glad I have you too Y/N.”

***

The next trip was to the beach, the salty air infiltrating their nostrils and the sand somehow managing to find its way into crevices they didn’t even know existed. Seeing an empty beach despite it being the height of summer left a metallic taste in their mouths, the lifeless sight all around them leaving a nauseous feeling crawling in their stomachs.

They turned to choose a spot in the endless sand, eventually settling for the more moist areas nearer the water. The first few hours were spent building a sandcastle kingdom, the sand being the perfect consistency to stick together without external support. Y/N couldn’t help but doubling over in laughter after Jungkook kept trying to make miniature horses to roam around the kingdom, getting more and more frustrated each time he failed and whined like a small child, finally giving in when he realised that despite his artistic prowess, he simply wasn’t able to make them look like anything other than deformed blobs.

The two of them took to the water as the midday heat became overbearing, moaning in relief as the cool water soothed their reddening skin. Y/N quickly took residence on Jungkook's back, saying that it was because she didn’t like the seaweed touching her, though they both knew that the real truth was that she was afraid that he would disappear, drifting off to sea and leaving her all alone. He soon turned her around so their foreheads were pressed against each other, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist as her arms perched on the back of his neck.

“This reminds me of our honeymoon.” He muttered as he took a deep breath in, her ocean infused scent rushing into the air in his lungs, diffusing through his body and taking root in every fibre of his being.

“Me too, it was so much fun.”

“The water was so nice at that beach, it was so clear and warm.”

“It felt like a dream, honestly. It was magical.”

“I wish we could go back and stay there forever. Just the two of us there, always in that blissful honeymoon phase.”

“We’d get bored of it eventually though wouldn’t we?” She questioned, fingers brushing the wet strands of hair out of Jungkook's eyes.

“I don’t think I could ever get bored of you.” He whispered on her lips, such a slight touch, but full of so much love.

“I don’t think I could ever get bored of you either.” She whispered back, the two of them momentarily transported back to a time and place where everything was as perfect as it could be.

Maybe they should have realised back then that something was going to happen, for the universe was never one to be so kind as to give so much happiness without taking something in return.

Their return to the shore saw a rush of fingertips scrambling to find the prettiest of shells or sea glass to gift to their lover, a declaration of affection so full of the innocence that their love encompassed that not even the waves could resist taking part in it, parting as their footsteps trod closer to the edge, revealing its trove of treasures that it had so preciously hidden from the world.

But no matter how much they tried to distract themselves with the fun of playing in the sand and sea, there was the constant knowledge that no matter how many times they tried to engrave their names in each grain of sand, it would never be enough.

Their world was ending, and one day soon they would simply cease to exist.

The onset of the cool evening air prompted the pair to make their way back home, thankful that with the masses abandoning the city to try and return to their hometowns, the streets within the city had almost been emptied, allowing at least some usage of the car. As they approached the edge of the beach they spotted a family with young children, playing in the sand as if there was nothing to fear. Deciding to go up to them, Jungkook and Y/N were greeted with big smiles as they introduced themselves.

“It’s been so long since we saw anyone else, it was really starting to feel like we were the only ones left in the city.” The mother declared, eyes darting to make sure her children didn’t hurt themselves as they ran off to play in the sand.

“Most people left within the first few days so we probably are one of the few ones left to be honest.” Jungkook answered, eyes softening at seeing Y/N smile as the two siblings ran as fast as their little feet could carry them to the sea to collect water in their buckets.

“How old are they?” Y/N asked, sight still trained on the children.

“Two and four. It was supposed to be their birthdays in a few weeks’ time.” The father smiled bitterly, taking his wife’s hand and faintly pressing it to his lips.

“Do… do they know?” Y/N questioned wearily, fingers subconsciously grasping for Jungkook's arm to balance her wavering body.

“No, we just told them everyone was on holiday so that we could celebrate their birthdays early. We didn’t want their last days to be full of fear, we wanted them to be happy for as long as they possibly could.”

They silently bid the family goodbye after that, Jungkook taking Y/N away as she started tearing up again, sobbing repeatedly as she kept looking back with “they're just children, they don’t deserve this.”

Nightmares haunted her throughout the day, leaving her trapped in her thoughts as the sounds of thousands of screaming children plagued her mind. She kept trying to go to them, to calm them down and tell them that everything would be okay, but no matter how much she lied she would never be able to save them. No matter how hard she tried, the outcome was always the same. These sweet, innocent children that had never even been given a chance at life were already having it ripped away, snatched before they even managed to grasp at its strings, and for what? Because the universe had decided to play the cruellest joke of them all?

It wasn’t fair.

She had never been a believer of blissful ignorance, but if it meant that those children could spend their last days in peace, she would spin an intricate web of lies if she could, cocooning them in her embrace and protecting them from the harsh realities of the world that they were far too pure for.

***

The night before that day arrived all too soon, and Jungkook and Y/N spent every second they could with each other, knowing far too well that after tomorrow there would be nothing. The soft moonlight flooded their bedroom as it shifted through the curtains, caressing their skin with the soft touch of a mother, kissing her children a final goodbye. Their peaceful breaths as they lay huddled beneath the covers was the only sound that resonated throughout their home, Y/N snuggling up to Jungkook as her nose nuzzled his neck.

“You smell so nice.” She hummed, burrowing deeper, deeper into his heart.

“You always say that but you never actually tell me what I smell like.”

“Hmm…” She pondered, formulating the words that had sat at the tip of her tongue for so many years, just waiting to be set free and lay home in the heart of the soul they truly belonged in. “You smell like vanilla – sweet, and always so comforting.”

But it was more than just that.

Every time she smelled his scent she automatically felt so safe and warm and full of love. He made her feel as though she could conquer the world, and with Jungkook by her side, she probably could. He made her feel alive, and whenever she was with him – she was home.

They didn’t try and hide their tears from one another, instead, Jungkook kissed the dew drops from the corners of her eyes, wiping away her pain and replacing it with a temporary promise of security.

“Sleep, my princess. I love you so much.”

“As I do you, my prince.”

They woke up early the next morning, and even though the world was utterly silent and the air the heaviest it had ever felt, the two of them were oddly at peace. They had finally come to accept what was to happen, and they were just grateful that despite it all, at least they had each other and would be by each other’s side until the very end.

They had dressed in their finest clothes, eyes glistening as they lay out a multitude of quilts and pillows in front of the living room window, the perfect position to view the sky and feel the sunrays seep through their skin for the very last time.

“Will it hurt?” Y/N asked, holding onto Jungkook a little tighter as they buried themselves further into the warmth of the duvets around them.

“No, my dear. You won't feel a thing.” He muttered against her cheek, feeling the heat radiating from her skin.

“I'm glad, I don’t want you to be in pain.” Jungkook smiled solemnly at her words, for even at a time like this she thought of others before herself.

“You know,” she whispered, for the words that were to be spoken were not for the universe to hear – they did not deserve to witness such words of the love they were taking away too soon – they were for the ears of her love and her love alone. “There are many things that I regret in my life. People I wish I had kept in touch with, opportunities I wish I had taken, choices I wish I hadn’t made, but there is one thing that no matter what happens, I will never regret – and that is you. Every moment in my life and every choice I have ever made brought me to you, and for that I will always be grateful. The world may be ending, but I will never stop loving you. I will love you, now and in every lifetime – for all eternity.”

“And I will love you, for you are my soulmate and the very reason I breathe. I will always find you, my love, now, and for all eternity.”

They lay entwined in each other’s arms, never once looking away from their love before them as they took in as much of each other as they could, perhaps hoping that if they looked long enough the image would be imprinted in the back of their eyes.

The air rang with the sounds of impact all around them, the ground shaking beneath them as the world slowly fell apart; pillars of ash rising to the heavens as towers of fiery flames engulfed the sky.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. We were promised an eternity, you and I, together until the end of time – but I guess forever wasn’t as long as we thought it was. This was supposed to be the beginning of the rest of our lives, but instead, this is it.

This is the end.

[princehcmlet]

Hi Guppy! We're a newly re-vamped HP rp taking place in an AU where Voldemort wasn't defeated in 1998 and the war's still raging on in 1999. We were wondering if we could please get an opinion from you? Thank you! - Lay and Sam

Hey there, Lay and Sam! So, I will tell you right now that I’m probably not the best to ask for an opinion on an HP roleplay (I’ve never read the books and only watched the first two movies - I know I’m a sin to humanity), but I will give you the best opinion I possibly can! Remember this is just my opinion and it is not meant to bring you down or give just rude criticism, but I want to help you with constructive criticism. Let’s start with the icon, I really like the text work you did with it, but I would definitely make the image of the girl in the background (I think it’s Katherine McNamara) a lot lighter, so you can make out her features against the black background. It was hard for me to make her out at first, so that might be something you look out for. Now, let me tell you, your theme is gorgeous. I love the aesthetic of dark red - and that’s saying a lot because I usually hate the color red and think it looks tacky. But, you’ve picked a gorgeous theme, color scheme, and sidebar graphics; the chatbox, which I have always loved when rps use them, makes for another great addition on the part of the admin team. Still, I’m a little unsure as to what the header has to do with the whole Harry Potter universe (even though it is very pretty). My suggestion on the header would be to add some sort of text/texture in the dark black areas, that will make up for a lot of the dark, empty space it leaves, and perhaps tie it into the Harry Potter universe a bit more.

Now I will speak on the navigation page, which seems all good to me. I would honestly switch the navigation link on the top bar from being the last to the first, because it would be the first place to catch someone’s eye when they need to navigate to a specific place. Having it as the last link in the top bar distracts me from it a little bit, and at first my dumb self missed it as being one of the links. As for the page itself, it is pretty organized. I always like it when rps have a “before” and “after” distinguishing title, so that I can separate the categories easily when I’m going through an rp, but it’s not absolutely necessary. Especially since the page you chose has no way to add headers like that. I don’t think you need the “Return Home” link, because there is already one at the top, right corner of the page, so there really is no need for it. I would also suggest putting the post acceptance link after all the information that you’d handle before applying, like plot, rules, characters, etc. The final thing that bothers me a bit is that there are some pop outs and some links that lead to other pages. I think that you could consolidate a lot of the links into one. Like, put the tags that you need to track on the “post acceptance” pop up. Add the links to the affiliations to the end of the plot page. The “extras” section could also go at the end of the plot page, but it’s also fine just being its own link of popups. Add the F.A.Q. onto an askbox, so that you don’t have to refer to the pop up each time you want to see on it. That’s just a personal preference, though. And it would, to me, make the navigation a lot more organized from start to finish. That’s all that I have to say on that, but I’ll keep going with the plot. From what I know about Harry Potter the plot was very interesting and pretty in depth for being an easy/shorter read. I noticed a few spelling errors that took me out of the plot immersion though. Those examples are, “... brances tend to operate in different locations and safe houses,” (should be branches), and “It’s been two years since the death of Albus Dumbledore. Lord Voldemorts one greatest fear --- and now that fear is dead. Naturaly now that his army was built,” (should be a comma, Voldemort’s, and Naturally). Otherwise, to me the plot is fine and should draw in those who are interested in the HP universe and series. I think that it’s one of the most unique HP rps that I’ve seen. I’ll leave it at that and move onto the characters. Which, are nice skeletons. It might be nice to include some descriptions of how you think their personalities should be portrayed (since they are canonically book characters), but the layout you have for skeletons is very nice and easy to absorb. I like how you show the taken characters with the grey strike over their face, it makes it easy to distinguish and know what’s what. Even a HP novice like myself can recognize most of the characters and their role in the story. I like the graphics and like the traits given, not much else to say.

Now for the rules, which I think are very straightforward for future players. I think that the activity rule for one week is a little bit too lenient, but it may work for this specific type of roleplay! Especially if you’ve got dedicated players who you know will post in that week timeline. Other rule I would focus on is the multiple character rule. I think that you should put a cap on the amount of characters someone can have, that way in the case that someone has five characters and another has one or two characters it does not feel imbalanced and like one person has more plots/strings to pull in the roleplay. I might change this rule after you see if there are any patterns in what happens with the people who do take up multiple characters. Your rules are otherwise pretty standard. For the application, I’m a little confused why you have a slot for the faceclaim of the character if it’s already set on the skeleton? I might change the name of the section to “alternative faceclaim” to make it less confusing on an applicant to put down the faceclaim a second time for the admins. I think the application is fine. I’ll go over the other pages really quickly. I like the continuous aesthetic throughout the pages, but for some reason some of the pages are really weirdly centered on my screen. For example, the locations are way low to the page with lots of black space in the center of the page. I do like the locations page, and the graphics are very lovely again. I also like how you give description of the affiliations. I like your post acceptance link, I think that it’s very detailed and feels personalized to your style. My suggestion for this is just to add links to the other pages that they’ll need (the masterlist, the tracked tags - like a suggested above with just adding them onto this popup).

So, what are my final thoughts you might be wondering? I can clearly see that you as admins, and also Jessie - who is created in your plot, have created a world beyond the original HP story. You’ve given things a unique twist, added flare with your playlists, trailers, graphics, and immersion. I think that the roleplay itself is very interesting and unique. My main point I made throughout this opinion is that the organization might need some upping, just so that it is easier to understand the flow of the roleplay. That’s all, you guys! Good luck.

[resbang-bookclub]

AMA Transcript: In the Colors of a Photograph

Last week, @victoriandancer and @guacamoletrash dropped in for an AMA about their 2016 Resbang, In the Colors of a Photograph! Check out some of the fun:

Q: How much research on marine biology did you do for this?

victoriandancer: UMM not much, lol. I was a biotechnology major in college (which was only a few years ago) and I'm an immunology research technician now. I mostly pulled from my head. Some of the boat questions I looked up, and a few obscure marine bio things. I didn't want to go into too much detail and lose people who weren't bio nerds like me lol.

Q: Favorite part to write?

victoriandancer: My favorite part was the very first day they were out on the water and Soul was photographing Maka's explorations. It was so serene and sweet and fun at the same time!

Q: For guac: You said it was your first time using Photoshop for your piece! Did you learn a lot?

guac: All I had ever used it for was a photography class I took in high school, and boy oh boy. I don't think I'd ever used the brush tool until September? I learned so so so much, and I'm so ready to learn so much more!!!!!!

Q: Did anything inspire/motivate you to write this particular story/setting? And how did you think of it?

victoriandancer: I was trying to stick with biology because it's a comfort zone for me, but I didn't want to do the normal "college lab class." Tried that before and didn't work. I honestly can't remember how I decided on the marine biology idea, but when I did think of it, I just ran with it and never looked back haha.

Q: Did you listen to any music while writing this or did any music inspire any scenes?

victoriandancer: No music involved lol. If I do listen to music it's Two Steps from Hell because there are no words and it puts me in the writing/study zone. But music itself doesn't usually find its way into my writing. That may change if I ever write one focused on music. And since I love writing Soul so much, that may happen one day. Two Steps from Hell would then be a good place to start lol. Yay for brainstorming future fics! 

guac: Here is a playlist I made while thinking about this story and trying to make art for it. I'm just gonna toss it here: https://open.spotify.com/user/gmenapacheco/playlist/6IIFWmmG7rIb7uYIkshanT

Q: Was there a scene in particular that you found it challenging to write?

victoriandancer: Hmmmmm, I get stuck with writer's block A LOT. I have no attention span lol. I got stuck right before the final climax scene. I think I knew the fic was going to end after that and I didn't want it to end, but time was running out and I was panicking and just AHHHH. I'm usually good writing the middle of a scene, never the beginning or end lol.

Q: How much of the story is personal experience and how much is research?

victoriandancer: I looked up a few boating questions (especially diving terminology and boat parts terminology). Photography I wanted to keep general enough to not confuse myself lol. For marine bio stuff, 99% came out of my head from previous classes lol.

Q: What was your writing process like? Once you had the idea for the fic, did you tend to write linearly or did any scenes from later on come earlier in your writing?

victoriandancer: I write very linearly. One day I want to experiment with writing different scenes at different times, but I'm afraid I'll never get them to connect. I'm definitely an analytical person over creativity, so writing the story linearly helps me keep it all straight lol.

Q: Did you have a writing goal for yourself, i.e. 'work on pacing' or 'better flow' for this resbang, and if so, what was it?

victoriandancer: Completion was my goal lol. I did the FMA Big Bang challenge and that was my first completed multi-chapter fic ever. I was very comfortable with my plot and story line in that one, and not so comfortable with this one, so I just wanted to finish it and have it be a cohesive unit.

Q: For guac: How did you choose which scenes to illustrate???

guac: So I actually wanted to do multiple scenes and there is a draft for a second one and a concept doodle for a third WHICH I AM STILL CONSIDERING DOING BECAUSE THIS FIC IS NEAR AND DEAR TO MY HEART AND I WANT TO EVENTUALLY DO ALL MY IDEAS. I basically was just doing my favorite scenes from what I had read. Which were A LOT. 

victoriandancer: DO THEM!!!!!! 

guac: I WILL. TRUST ME. It's on my "list of things to do before 2018."

Q: Was there a scene that went in a different direction than you had originally planned?

victoriandancer: So I expected Tsubaki and Black Star to come back in at some point, then I got carried away with silly friendship and it just never happened lol.

Q: Was there anyone who was hard to characterize or write for you?

victoriandancer: Black Star, definitely. I didn't want to get carried away with his antics, but I still wanted him to be funny. And I also didn't want to just copy him from the show either. Not sure how well I succeeded with that, but I sure tried lol. 

guac: You write a good Black Star.

Q: When did you start writing? Was this something you had a lil prepared before Resbang or was it a sprint to the finish or...?

victoriandancer: Both? So I started with a good goal (a few hundred words a day) but I don't remember when I started. But then I had a very sudden job change and big move and time got away from me so it was definitely a sprint to the finish lol. It must have been at least August that I started.

Q: Was there a particular location you were thinking of while writing?

victoriandancer: I was thinking of California, but I've never actually been to California? More a place where sunset happens over the water.

Q: Guac, was there something that you found super fun/easy or conversely gave you lots of trouble art-wise?

Q: guac: So this was my first time using Photoshop to make illustrations. Before, I had only used it when I took a high school digital photo class. I had to look up so many tutorials and things so that I could get things to look how I wanted them to.

Q: VD, did anything about the ending change as you went along or did your idea about how everything would pan out stay about the same?

victoriandancer: So I wrote at least 3/4 of the fic without knowing how to end it. I was forced to end it when deadlines came to hunt me down. So no, there was no plan to begin with lol.

Q: Did Tsubaki have a separate project?

victoriandancer: LOL yeah I wanted her to have a full fledged project and it just didn't pan out. I totally plan on writing a sequel (which would include more art shows and galleries than science journals) but don't know how to start.

Q: Do you have a favorite scene in general?

victoriandancer: Hmmmmmmm I don't know. Probably the scene where they’re snapping each other with towels. It's just ADORABLE (or should I say adorkable) and AWWWWWWW. And it was fun to write.

Q: So victoriandancer are you plannin’ on doing Resbang again this year? /nudge nudge

victoriandancer: YES I AM. I have no ideas yet but they will come lol. I think I want to get away from biology this time. My FMA fic was medical-related so that's why I'm going to try to get away from it. There would be too much overlap and it would stop being fun if I don't expand. (Shameless promo for my FMA fic: http://archiveofourown.org/works/7853809/chapters/17932963)

Q: What do you think you learned from this Resbang about yourself, or about your writing?

victoriandancer: So I learned that I can perform under some pressure. I was actually worried about taking this new job because I would be under some pressure from my bosses for good data, but this fic was kind of like a warm up for adjusting to my new job. When deadlines came for Resbang, I just buckled down and got it done, which gives me faith I can also perform my duties in my job under some pressure.

Q: Do you have a favorite fiction author?

victoriandancer: Ohhhh definitely Anne Bishop! She is AMAZING PHENOMENAL INSPIRATIONAL AND PERFECT.

Q: Oh, Dark Jewels trilogy?

victoriandancer: YES. But also her Novels of the Others series. Go read Written in Red NOW.

Q: Gonna follow that up with what was the most influential book or fic youve read?

victoriandancer: Ohhhhhhhh that's a tough one. I've always loved tsarodat's Dragon fic. You can see her writing morph and grow and expand throughout the chapters and I just always go reread it when I need a boost in confidence. There are probably others but that's the main one that comes to mind.

Q: Do you have any favourite writing spots or rituals?

victoriandancer: Nope. Just me and my laptop chugging away. I have an apartment so there's really no space for variation. I don't like writing in public. I would much prefer to be in the comfort of my home, even if my dog gives me strange looks once in a while.

Thanks again to victoriandancer and guac for a great AMA! Look out for more transcripts in the coming week!!