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tigergirltail · 2 months ago

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TIGER HRT CHAPTER 6 - MONTH 6 - THE CAGED BIRD

CONTENT WARNING - This chapter contains mentions of medical injections, bigotry, child abuse, self-harm, and attempted suicide. Reader beware.

FIRST - PREV - NEXT

I had my six-month check-up with Dr. Erian, an online appointment just like last time. No particular medical issues this time around, bloodwork checks out, genetic reconfiguration is stable. We can't do a thorough physical exam over the internet, but according to him, I am "the very picture of health, by the standards of your species". I'm a bit curious what standards those are, given that I have yet to hear about any other tiger therians. Hopefully there ARE standards, and he's not just giving me empty reassurance.

We also spent some time going over dietary concerns - am I getting enough meat, am I reducing my fruit and grain intake appropriately, that sort of thing. I assured him that I'm eating real meat with every meal, just like the booklet said to, I've been limiting fruits and vegetables, and I don't even have an appetite for anything grain-based. I'll probably miss what fresh bread used to be like, but I just can't bring myself to want it anymore. Apparently not every therian is following the diet they're supposed to, but the doctor didn't have any concerns about me, "assuming your answers are honest, Miss Alexis". What, does he think I'm about to lie to the one person who knows how species transition works?

At one point during the discussion I thought I heard him mutter something about a "foolish undine", but I must have misheard. Undines are water spirits or elementals or something - a fictional creature. Then again, so are dragons and lamias, but the first well-known humanity remover was a dragon-girl, and I've been hanging out and playing online games with a lamia. At this point you could tell me there's someone out there transitioning to Sonic the Hedgehog, and I might actually believe you.

I've hit the point of full fur coverage, so no more awkward bald patches! Unfortunately, this does mean I need to start taking my estrogen in a form other than skin patches, because there's nowhere left to stick them. After a lot of agonizing over the pros and cons of potential liver damage from pills versus facing down my needle phobia, I opted to ask my endocrinologist to train me on injectable estrogen. She made a somewhat tone-deaf joke about not being trained in veterinary medicine, but she was otherwise very patient and reassuring, so I let it slide.

I do want to state for the record that I am a big scary tiger who's not afraid of anything and I only cried a little bit the first time I injected myself.

My ears are definitely becoming much more sensitive - I keep hearing really annoying high-pitch noises when I'm around heavy machinery, and that happens a lot more often than you might think. My office at work is right next to an elevator, and whenever someone uses it, the motor lets out this gods-awful whine and I have to plug my ears until it stops moving again. My local grocery also has a few freezer units that give off a similar sound, constantly, and I've had to start wearing earplugs to go on food runs.

As for visual changes, I can see in the dark reasonably well, but I've also started getting headaches and discomfort when I squint or try too hard to focus on something. I guess I should probably just… try to not do that. I have spent a significant portion of my life staring at a screen, so my eyes probably aren't in the best shape overall.

Now that my physical changes are pretty much done, most people just assume I'm wearing a very intricate costume - at least, until they get close. No costume has mouth movements or facial expressions this realistic, and believe me, our top furry scientists and engineers have tried.

At one point there's a conversation on the humanity removal chat server about the political climates in our respective areas towards therians. Obviously, a lot of the right-wing talking-head shows have been shitting themselves inside-out about the idea of people giving up their humanity, especially the ones with a more religious bent. "How dare these freaks forsake God's holy image", "Humanity is a divine blessing and must be cherished", "We call on the one true God to smite these worshippers of the Beast", and so on like that. Excuse you, but I've never worshipped your discriminatory god and I'm not beholden to their 'holy image'. My goddess is one of beauty, love, and artistic expression, and the entire reason I'm changing myself in the first place is as an expression of self-love.

Most of us agree, though, that the absolute worst of the 24-hour news cycle doesn't have anything to do with how regular everyday people see us. In fact, we're rare enough still that a decent proportion of people don't believe we exist - they think that tabloids made us up to sell more copies. I don't know if that's better in terms of acceptance, but I'll take it over a torch-and-pitchfork mob running me out of town.

The conversation shifts to us sharing our locations, those of us who are comfortable doing so at least. We generally keep it vague, but most of us are at least alright with saying which country we live in. I narrow it down to a province for myself, mainly because my province alone is larger than some countries, but also because once we start to get noticed by the media and the world, there'll probably be no stopping our locations becoming known.

It's also going to get interesting if anyone starts asking how most of us are going to the same medical provider when he requires that consultations be done in person, or why the location he operates out of - Hyper City - doesn't appear on any map. Truthfully, I'm still trying to wrap my head around it myself.

The next day, I get a private message from the girl with the corvid avatar:

"Hey I saw your post when everybody was talking about where they are! I live there too!! We should totally meet up sometime ^v^"

…This is a dilemma. Obviously, I'm worried about the optics of a teenager meeting up with a 39-year-old she met on the internet, there's all kinds of ways that could be taken the wrong way, but dammit, I still don't know anyone like me in this part of the world, who knows if I'll ever find anyone else who's local? …I really want to try, but I should at least give her a warning, and a judgement-free out.

"Uhh I get wanting to meet up, but I'm more than 20 years older than you, would your parents be anywhere near cool with that??"

There's a long pause. I see her start and stop typing multiple times. I'm worried I've upset her. Eventually, she sends another message:

"I don't give a fuck what they think"

I'm taken aback by the harshness of the reply, and don't manage to type anything before another series of messages pops up:

"and they don't care what I do anyway so it's whatever" "if anyone asks I'll just say you're my weird aunt" "you have no idea how bad I want to meet someone who GETS IT" "humanity is a curse and I want to be free"

'I want to be free'. Something about that phrase hits somewhere deep, in a source of pain that never fully healed. Freedom from pain, freedom from self-hatred, freedom at any cost, even if it meant my life. I remember how that desire for freedom feels.

The only thing I can think to do next is ask if she's okay. Her response is to ask if I can go on a voice call. I'm not sure if she wants some confirmation that I'm a real person or if she just doesn't want the next part of the conversation preserved in the text log.

"Hey…", I begin cautiously as the voice call starts. "Can you hear me okay?"

There's a suppressed sniffle on the other end. "Yeah… I hear you."

For a moment I entertain the thought of going all 'when I was your age' and explaining that I was always cautioned against talking to strangers on the internet, but it's probably not the time for that. Read the room, Alexis.

She's not saying anything. I'm going to have to start this off, I think. Something harmless, something value-neutral…

"So from your icon, I'm guessing you want crow HRT? Raven HRT, maybe?"

"Crow HRT.", she states simply. "Crows are everywhere here, and I've always loved them, always been jealous of them. They get to go anywhere they want, do anything they want…" She lets out a groaning sigh. "Augh, this is stupid. You probably think I'm stupid for wanting this."

I can't hold back from giving a little bit of a laugh. "Hah! Young lady, one year ago I went to a doctor and told him to his face that I wanted him to turn me into a recessive-gene variant of an endangered species that doesn't even live on this continent, and then I threatened to bite him if he wouldn't do it. Fantasizing about being a crow is just about the normalest thing I can imagine compared to that."

"…You said you'd BITE him?"

I grin, though without a camera set up she can't see it. "Every one of us who seeks out humanity removal therapy is already a little bit inhuman, even if we don't fully know it yet. After all, why would we remove something if we felt emotionally attached to it?"

Another audible sniffle. "Holy fuck, you DO get it…"

"I sure hope I get it, it's not like I can un-grow the fur and the tail."

She gives a laugh, then there's a long pause. "…Does it hurt? Is it scary?"

"Sometimes. My fingers were REALLY sore while my claws were developing, and having your entire facial structure rearrange is no joke. As for scary, well, I sure get stared at a lot more, but I think I scare people a lot more than they scare me."

"Heh, maybe I want to be scary."

I frown a little. "I don't. I just want to be true to myself."

There's an awkward silence. After a while, I decide to bring up something I was curious about:

"So I remember you asking if there was a way to get species HRT without your parents noticing. I'm guessing they're not exactly supportive?"

She lets out an uncomfortable groan. "Mmmngh… They watch a lot of those news shows, you know, the ones that only run angry sensationalist bullcrap? Dad gets furious at the idea of anyone changing themselves, something about the 'holy sanctity of the human body' or whatever. He even thinks tattoos are blasphemy. Mom says it's the most horrific thing she can imagine, she nearly fainted when she caught me watching a stream of this one dragon girl talking about her changes."

"And here you are, wanting to be a bird… I'm sorry, that sounds really rough."

"It… It is." I can hear her voice faltering. "Hearing nothing but how terrible a waste it is, and how awful and horrific they are, and the whole time knowing that I'd give ANYTHING for it to happen to me, I just… I'm sorry, I just…"

"Hey, you don't need to apologize… I'm not going anywhere."

"I just… don't know how much longer I can take it!"

"…Take what?" I'm afraid to ask my next question, but… I just have to. "…What are they doing to you??"

Somewhere deep inside her, the dam just… breaks. She starts sobbing as she tells me about how her parents yell at her over every single mistake, how she gets shoved or hit just for being in the way, how she hurts herself just so the pain gives her something to feel and to focus on, and how she… How she once climbed up to the roof of her building and took a flying leap off. She had every intention to end her own life, but in the moment her feet left the ground and she felt the air under her arms, she experienced a rush of euphoria, for the first time she can remember.

…And a moment later, she broke a leg and several ribs when she hit the ground.

She explains that she spent over a month in hospital, a captive audience for her parents to yell at more, when they even bothered to show up at all. I'm too stunned to even react.

She's spent the years since then chasing that high, climbing trees and jumping off, finding rooftops and hilltops to go stand in the wind, looking up online videos of parachuting and wingsuiting and hang gliding, and when she first heard rumours about medical treatments that can alter one's very species, she started frantically researching. That's how she started finding other therians to reach out to, how she got involved in the group chat.

"Have you… had an appointment with Dr. Erian yet?" I have a feeling I already know the answer - something something, 'letter from a physician, two psychologists, live as your preferred species for at least a year'. The same horseshit I had to listen to.

"No… I tried to get one, but he won't see anyone under 18 without parental consent, and fat chance of ever getting that."

Huh. I hadn't expected that, it feels surprisingly principled for him. Though at the end of the day, it's probably just another liability thing - ol' Teddy Erian covering his own ass as usual.

"I just…" She's started crying again. "I just want to turn into a beautiful black bird and fly away from all this, forever… I just want to live my life on the wind, going wherever I want, never having to see a single human again…"

I can feel my own tears welling up, and that's the moment I make my decision. I'm going to meet up with this girl, and I'm going to find a way to help her. Maybe she doesn't need humanity removal, maybe she just needs to know someone who understands.

We decide on a place and time to meet up. There's a little cafe I like nearby, run by a trio of neurodivergent queer women. It's a public place, and about as safe for weirdos like us as you can get. Corvid-girl tells me she'll be the one with a feathered headband and a crow-skull necklace. I tell her I'll be the one with white fur and a tail. That manages to get a laugh out of her. I choose to take that as a victory.

There's something about the way she laughs that sounds a bit like a crow's call. I wonder whether that's intentional on her part…

A few days later, I'm sitting in the cafe enjoying a hot chocolate and a roast beef sandwich - extra meat, naturally. Dr. Erian said I have to start cutting chocolate out of my diet because cocoa is going to become toxic to me, but… chocolate! I did ask for a lighter mix though, so what I'm drinking is actually mostly just hot milk. Maybe there's a cocoa-free substitute out there I can look into…

I'm snapped out of my thoughts by a squeal of delight emanating from the front door. There's a teenage girl standing there, staring directly at me with a look of amazement on her face. Dark clothes, pale skin, black hair, headband with feathers in it, and hanging from her neck, an amulet in the shape of a bird skull. I smile and wave a paw at her. She practically bounces as she walks up to my table and takes a seat.

"Holy SHIT, you're… And you even have the… Your face looks just like… Can I touch your paw??"

I laugh and hold out my paw. "Haha, sure, just watch out for the claws, they don't stay all the way inside just yet."

"Oh, it's okay, I'm used to sharp things!"

I wince as I think back to our voice chat from the other day. I REALLY hope she doesn't mean what I think she means, but I can't help noticing she's wearing long sleeves, even though the weather has been getting warmer.

She turns my paw over and squeals. "OHMYGOD you even have the BEEEEANS!" I can't resist smiling as she starts poking and prodding at my pawpads. "You look SO!! AMAZING!!"

Corvid-girl starts frantically complimenting all my animalistic features - "Your stripes are so pretty!" "I love your tail!" "Ohh, your fangs, they're so COOL!!" - and I start uncontrollably blushing. I never would have thought species affirmation would feel this euphoric… Naturally, being a teenager, she takes this as an excuse to push even harder, and I start covering my face with my paws, thoroughly embarrassed.

"You look just like the tigers they have on stage for those shows in Vegas!"

"H-hey, that's actually not okay…"

"You know, I bet you'd look good up on a stage too! Everyone would love to see you!!"

Instinctually, I let out a growl, louder than I actually want to. It has the intended effect, in that she stops dead and stares at me, but so do a few other cafe patrons. Oh gods, here comes the embarrassment again… "H-hey, look, it's just…"

"Sorry." She's gone completely deadpan, and stiff as a board.

I close my eyes tightly. Gods, why did I DO that?? First the waitress at that seafood place, and now an actual CHILD. I REALLY need to start getting a handle on these predator instincts. When I open my eyes again, she's still standing there, and she looks like she's on the verge of a panic attack.

I need to calm her down, need to bring her back. "No… I'M sorry. I shouldn't have done that, I just… The animals they use for those stage shows get abused all the time, and it's kind of a sore spot for me."

"…Really?"

Okay, she's talking, she's distracted, maybe I can still salvage this. "Yeah… Every species has baggage, it's one of the shitty parts of being therian, and tigers, white tigers especially, they're treated like show pieces, or worse."

"…Well shit, I knew they're endangered, but… fuck."

"Yeah, it's a whole thing, I try not to -"

Our conversation is interrupted by one of the staff tapping corvid-girl on the shoulder and asking to talk privately. She reluctantly agrees to go to the back of the store and talk. At first I think maybe she's being chastised for being a disturbance, but the barista who pulled her away is giving me some very pointed looks. Worried looks, I might even say.

If I angle my ears just right, I can almost hear them through the noise of the rest of the cafe.

"…other patrons were concerned… …young lady so close to a dangerous creature…"

I wonder if the barista notices the indignant look that crosses my face when they describe me as a 'creature'.

Corvid-girl lets out that bird-like laugh of hers. Her voice is a lot more distinct and easier to pick out:

"It's just my aunt! She's not a 'creature', she just takes meds to look like that!"

The barista doesn't protest as corvid-girl returns to our table, but they're still giving me a very 'You'd better not try anything' kind of look.

Corvid-girl sits down, seemingly a little more grounded, a little more sobered. "…I guess I never thought to ask, why a white tiger?"

I lean forward, head in one paw, and give a bit of a shrug. "I relate a lot to them."

"To… being treated like a show piece, or whatever you said?"

"…Yeah. When I was little, they called me 'gifted' and put me in a separate school. I remember being excited about it, but it turns out it just meant getting more homework."

"…Ew."

I smile a little bit. "That's what I thought too! They wanted me to be some brilliant prodigy, a genius in the making, but the reality is I was just more observant and better at math than most people, that's all. I actually had to take an extra year of school because I was so bad at it."

"EWW!!"

"I KNOW, RIGHT?? But, then I went to college and graduated at the top of my class, so the joke's on them in the end."

"I wasn't even planning on staying around long enough for college…" She still has a bit of a depressed air about her, but she's not going into a panic. Maybe I'm better with kids than I thought.

"Yeah, I remember, you were going to turn into a beautiful crow and fly away forever." I try to give her a reassuring look. "But hey, the human world isn't ALL bad."

"Says the woman who's turning herself into a wild animal."

I snort quietly as I hold back a laugh. "Okay, fair, but wild animals don't get the internet, or nice little cafes where weirdos like us can just sit and talk."

"Hah, yeah… Weirdos like us." She gives a smile. An actual, genuine smile. Suddenly all the awkwardness is worth it, to see someone so deeply unhappy smile. "That reminds me, I saw on the server you're into witchcraft, can you… teach me?"

Somehow I feel like I should have expected this. The goth-looking crow girl is into witchcraft, big surprise. "I… guess? Maybe? I'm not like an expert or anything, I've just read a few books and cast a few spells is all."

"Ooh, what kind of spells??" And now she's back to her enthusiastic self.

"Just some protective charms on people who needed them, a few card readings with a tarot deck, nothing much really…"

"Does it really work??"

"I mean, the people I cast those charms on ended up safe in the end, but who knows if what I did made a difference? Some of the card readings were scary-accurate though, I think I might have a talent for divination."

She laughs. "Gonna have to get you to read my future sometime."

We end up spending the next hour or so making small talk, getting to know each other, talking about the ins and outs of humanity removal, complaining about Dr. Erian, until…

"Hey, I gotta go catch the bus back home, but… this was nice." She gives a bit of a smirk. "Cool to meet another weirdo."

Before she leaves, I ask her name - I still don't know it, I've been internally calling her 'corvid-girl' this entire time.

She gives me a disgusted grimace. "Ugh, it's 'Margaret'. I'm named for my great-grandmother, it's SUCH an old-lady name."

"Margaret, like Maggie, as in magpie?" I smile a little. "Those are corvids too, you know."

Her expression softens a little. "…Never thought of that. Still don't like it, though…"

"Well, is there a name you'd like better? I can start calling you that if you like."

She freezes. Somewhere in her eyes I can see her mind working to process what I've just said. "…Nobody ever asked me that before. I'll… think about it." She turns to leave.

"Wait, hold on a sec."

"WHAT!?" She outright glares at me, then seems to soften. "Sorry, it's… never mind."

That… was an EXTREMELY sudden mood shift. Trauma response, maybe? "I… was just going to ask if you wanted a sandwich or something to take home."

"…Didn't bring any money…"

I shake my head a little. "That doesn't answer my question. Would you like me to BUY you a sandwich or something?"

"…Egg salad if they got it I guess…"

I go up to the counter and buy her an egg salad sandwich to go. She looks like she's going to cry when I hand it to her. I… probably shouldn't make a big deal about that, but somewhere deep inside, my heart breaks a little. Does she never have anyone just… offer her food?

I'm beginning to understand why she wants to leave behind the curse of humanity. I chose this path, I wanted to be a tiger, I'm running towards something. Corvid-girl, though? She's running away from something.

I walk her outside, and she starts to walk away, but suddenly stops, and turns back to me. She walks resolutely up to me, then grabs me in a hug.

"Soft…" Her voice is muffled against both my shirt and the fur underneath. "You're very soft…"

Once I get over my surprise at the sudden gesture, I hesitantly put one arm around her shoulders and pat her on the back. She pulls away after a few short moments, and walks away down the sidewalk without another word.

I touch my shirt where her head was leaning, and notice a small wet spot.

---

Time to play "Spot the References!" Intentional references below:

"something about a 'foolish undine'" - welldrawnfish (Fish HRT)

"the first well-known humanity remover was a dragon-girl" - ayviedoesthings (Dragon HRT)

"I've been hanging out and playing online games with a lamia" - ariathelamia (Lamia HRT)

"someone out there transitioning to Sonic the Hedgehog" - sonic-spirit (Sonic HRT)

"watching a stream of this one dragon girl talking about her changes" - Rain, by Jocelyn Samara D. (Dragon HRT)

#tiger hrt #therian hrt #animal hrt #species hrt #furry hrt #otherkin hrt #transgender #transwoman #trans #trans artist #lgbtq artist #my art

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royallyprincesslilly · 1 year ago

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Title: What We Did In The Dark {4}

Lewis Hamilton x Reader

Warning: Language, 18+ Mature Content, Angst, Small Time Jumps, Preggo Talk, Pregnancy Trope, Talk of Pregnancy Termination

Words: 6.2k

Summary: Neither of you planned any of it. You’d met by chance, and everything that happened after had to have been predestined. Now back to your own life, you find you have a special souvenir from your time in Mauritius and you have a tough decision to make.

As always, thank you for reading. I appreciate it!

As you enjoyed this, please, LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!!! ❤️❤️

***NOT Edited/Proofread***

***Interactive***

What We Did In The Dark {1}**** | What We Did In The Dark {2}* |

What We Did In The Dark {3} |

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Chapter Four: Into The Unknown

-Y/N-

“Ah, Y/N. Welcome back. I am very happy to see you again,” Dr. Olumichi said as she got comfortable in the high rolling stool.

“Are you?”

“Yes of course. I also knew I would see you again,” she added.

“I didn’t even know I would see you again.”

She chuckled, “I’ve been in the business of babies for a long time, and I’ve developed a skill for knowing who will rise to the occasion and who will choose to have more time to get there.”

“It was touch or go there for a week or two,” you admitted.

“But here we are,” Villie finished.

The three of you smiled.

“Right where you were meant to be,” Dr. Olumichi said as she rolled closer.

“This is Villie, my best friend.”

“And babies’ auntie,” Villie filled in.

Dr. Olumichi smiled then shook Villie’s hand. “Nice to meet you Villie. What an interesting name.”

“I promise it’s not short for villian, just to put that out there.

Dr. Olumichi laughed loudly.

“It’s short for Valenza. Here’s my card in case you ever need an attorney who has got your back for your interests and not my own like other attorneys if you know what I mean.”

All your eyes met, and an unspoken understanding sparked between you. She knew just what Villie meant.

“Thank you Villie. All right, so 1st official prenatal appointment. How exciting, yeah?”

You took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah.”

It didn’t sound believable but hey, it was still early.

“Don’t worry. When we get to the main event--,” Dr Olumichi gestured to the sonogram machine. “You’ll be whistling a different tune. Ultrasounds and sonograms are completely different experiences. All right so you are precisely 19 weeks. Welcome to your 5th month. You are practically halfway there.”

“Already? She just started,” Villie chimed in.

“She didn’t. It’s just that she just found out about it because this was a cryptic pregnancy, a definite one especially seeing that they are twins. You’ve gone through the normal time for morning sickness and the drain of energy. The next 2 months are known as the sweet spot of pregnancy, your energy levels out often times you get some energy. It’s known as the most comfortable time before you are too big to move or see your feet. So enjoy this time.”

You nodded and tried to remain present and not panic. As Dr. Olumichi explained what was happening inside of your body with the babies then to your body with you, she went further to explain what you should expect over the next few weeks. As she listed some of the not so cute and fun things to expect your face went from neutral to slightly worried. She immediately noticed and did her best to soothe any worries by offsetting them with more realistic positives.

“You look overwhelmed,” Dr. Olumici said taking a break from information dumping.

You sighed, then took a deep breath. “It’s a lot to take in.”

“I can imagine. However, you are in good hands Y/N. I’ve been doing this a long time and the way I work with my moms to be is in a partnership. You worry about remaining healthy and stress free and taking your vitamins and precautions for your safety and I will handle the rest. I will help ensure that you are ready for what happens in fourish months and immediately after.”

Her smile was warm and her eyes kind and instantly you felt at ease.

“Here at Mom to Be & Baby to Be we are more than just gynecology and obstetrics. I pride myself on this organizations work with really working with mothers and ensuring that they have all the resources and help for this lifetime journey. A more prepared mom is a happier and more successful mom,” Dr. Olumici finished.

“That sounds amazing,” Villie said. “Oh my god, Y/N, she’s amazing.”

You smiled and nodded, agreeing wholeheartedly. The remainder of the appointment progressed with Dr. Olumici going over your blood work and levels while explaining any risks that were relevant to you. She then took care with measuring your belly growth as well as the babies inside. When she set up the sonogram machine both you and Villie perked up.

“All right the main event. Another thing to think about is if you want to know the sex of the babies.”

“Of course,” Villie squeaked before you could even process the sentence.

She spun around to look at you then made a “yikes” face. “Yes, right?”

You thought for a minute but just as you were going to say yes you thought about experiencing that moment with Lewis. When you thought that you nearly rolled your eyes into the back of your skull. How in the hell would you experience it with him? He didn’t even know and for all you knew he would probably deny that they were his. You must have remained silent for too long or your face betrayed your conflict because Villie’s hand engulfed yours.

“It’s okay. We don’t have to find out.”

“No um—I was just thinking—yeah we can find out. that would be nice.”

“Are you sure? If you would want to wait for the father or some other time--.”

Villie gasped, “Is that your hang up? That is an option, it could be a good thing to wait for him it could be something to ease the news down.”

You shook your head. “No, no. I want to know.”

“Okay. Then let’s give these movie stars their close up,” Dr. Olumici joked as you grabbed the bottle of gel and stood from her stool.

You watched as she squirted an ample amount of gel onto your protruding belly. It was warmer than you’d expected, and you guessed it had to have been heated. As she approached with the Doppler wand, you tried to calm your rapidly beating heart. You didn’t know if you were excited or nervous. It could have been a mixture of both at this point. You’d accepted your situation, but you didn’t think you’d crossed the threshold of being happy about it.

“Okay, let’s see.”

Your doctor moved the wand over your belly, spreading the gel as she went. The sound in the room amplified and filled making you feel as if you were underwater. Three pairs of eyes were glued to the screen waiting for the first appearance of a little body.

“Hm, there’s aren’t many places they can hide at this stage, but I see they want to play hide and seek.”

Suddenly, empty greyness changed to darker grey imaging and then the room filled with out of sync heartbeats.

“Ah-ha, there they are.”

Villie gasped, covered her mouth, then snapped her head to you.

“There are your babies.”

You gaped at the screen staring at their small bodies and allowing the sound of their hearts to fill you.

“Holy shit. This is real.”

“Oh yeah. This is as real as it gets,” Dr. Olumici said.

She tapped across the keyboard then the image magnified leaving you with a clear image that had now turned from shades of grey and white to amber and honey hues.

“They look wonderful at first glance. Let’s go more in depth though.”

You watched your doctor get a view from every angle imaginable. With each angle change, she tapped across the keyboard freezing the image for a few seconds before moving on. Each new image made your heart slow rather than speed up. It was as if the nerves from before were stilling and dissipating, like before nothing made sense but now everything made sense.

“So as a whole, they look great. They are measuring well. The only thing I see is they are maybe 2 or 3 centimeters off to where I would want them to be, but I will credit you not knowing you were pregnant and the need for some vitamins and a balanced diet. Now that you are aware you are eating for three hopefully they will catch up because in the earlier months is when twins gain their most weight. When the womb becomes cramped, growing becomes tough and uncomfortable. So let’s really aim for 3 full balanced meals and two to three nutritious snacks a day.”

You nodded.

“All right. So—sex?”

“I’m not having any.”

Villie snorted.

“No, no. Do you want to know the sex?”

Biting your bottom lip you thought it over once more. Curiosity was pecking away at you and though Villie was right, if you did tell Lewis about the pregnancy finding out the genders together would be a way to drive it home and or bond over the moment. The debate in your head was annoying because each side of the argument gave good points, however, curiosity won with you each and every time.

“Let’s do it.”

The two other women in the room smiled then focused back onto the screen.

“All right, let’s do it.”

Dr. Olumici took just a few moments and each second that ticked away made your heart pound even harder. This was excitement. When Villie saw a smile on your face she squeezed your hand.

“You’re excited too right? It’s not just me.”

“I’m excited,” you said finally and truly meant it.

“Ha, the easiest inquiry,” Dr. Olumici began with a snort. “These babies are not shy.”

“Wonder where they get that from,” Villie said eying you.

You rolled your eyes and leaned closer to the screen. “What are they?”

“This one on the left is a boy and on the right is his sister.”

Your eyes bugged as an “oof” escaped you. You felt like you’d just gotten a foot to gut but it didn’t hurt.

“What was that!?”

“I just saw it. That would be your daughter asserting herself early with a kick.”

Your jaw dropped. “Oh my god. Really?”

Your doctor nodded as a wave of euphoria washed over you. You remembered this feeling. It was similar to how you felt when you’d gotten the call that a broadcasting channel wanted to pay you to travel officially and put you on every streaming device across the globe. You felt like that but only 100 times better. The kick to the gut came again and again.

“Oh my god.”

“They’re really awake now. Say hello mom.”

You stared at the screen at the two life forms that were growing inside of you with awe and wonderment. You didn’t know they existed a few short weeks ago but now that you knew and had seen and felt them you couldn’t ever imagine going back. You couldn’t believe your situation now. In theory you knew how babies were made and everyone knew that whenever they had sex there was always some chance of one being made but no one ever thought that they would really make one even if they didn’t use protection. Looking back pregnancy was the last thing on your mind that night and now it was the first.

The remainder of the appointment went by in a blur. You went through everything related to the pregnancy and your concerns and fears with Dr. Olumici then made a detailed calendar of appointments and check-ins. By the time you left 3 hours had passed and you were equipped with every kind of tool known to pregnant women support known to the mental health field plus one auntie-godmother who was just as equally on cloud nine as you were.

~~~~~~~~

Now sitting in a corner booth at Cheesecake Factory you were fully indulging your craving for cheesecake with not one but three slices of your faves while staring haplessly at the sonogram pictures of your babies.

“You look so in love,” Villie said.

You looked across at her with a wide smile.

“Cheesecake and a belly full of cute babies. How can I not be?”

She chuckled then sighed. “They are cute. Totally unfair to the rest of society, I mean you see the gene pool. I saw some resemblance in the forehead area.”

You snorted. “You know you not right.”

Villie laughed then took a sip of her drink. “I kid. I kid.”

You sighed then put a large forkful of cheesecake into your mouth. “Think this counts as a balanced meal?”

“No, Y/N, but I think it definitely counts as 1 of 3 nutritional snacks.”

You smiled wide. “I love you.”

“Happy wife, happy life,” Villie teased.

Just then her phone rang drawing both of your attention to it. The smile on her face told you just who it was.

“Go ahead.”

“Hello?”

She sounded like a lovesick freshman who was so under the spell of her paramour that everything and everyone else ceased to exist. ‘When you saw her twirl a thick strip of dark curls around her finger you scoffed. Must be nice, you thought before your mind went back to all those weeks ago when you’d felt anything close to what she felt.

The memory of Lewis’ hand brushing against your cheek sparked a heat inside of you that gently simmered until the memory of his thick thumb slid across your bottom lip. That slow, simmering heat kindled into a mild inferno. The more you remembered from your night together, the hotter you became. Thankfully, before you could fall deep into this dangerous desire you still felt when you thought about him, you felt Villie’s hand on your arm.

Her eyes were boring into you. “Are you all right? Is it—,” she asked dropping her eyes to your stomach.

“No, no. I’m fine. Sorry. I just—zoned out.”

Villie nodded and then brought the phone back to her ear. “Call me when you land. Okay. Bye.”

When she dropped her phone back into her purse, she looked at you.

“Miles come into town?”

Villie nodded but she didn’t make eye contact with you.

“So y’all have a date tonight?”

“Not quite.”

“It’s okay Villie, we don’t have to hang out every night. I will be fine alone. Honestly, I’m not alone anymore,” you said cradling your newly popped bump.

“No, I um—I told him I wanted you to meet him.”

Your eyes bugged then. “You did what? When?”

“Tonight?”

“Yeah. I really want to know what you think of him before things go any further.”

“Villie—.”

“I know. I promise I didn’t bring it up to back you into a corner or anything. I was actually planning for it to happen before you told me about the pregnancy. I’m sorry.”

You took a deep breath and tried not to freak out.

“Don’t apologize. I get it. It’s fine, it’s what we do.”

“So, it’s okay?”

“Yeah. We’ll do a late dinner.”

Villie jumped out of her seat and onto you, throwing her arms around your neck, “Thank you, Y/N. I swear I will take your lead about the pregnancy.”

You smiled and tried to hide the rising panic you felt. Your once hectic but simple life had now turned into a damn episode of Jane the Virgin.

~~~~~~~~~

-That Night-

Though you’d tried to find ways to get out of the dinner you found yourself sitting beside Villie in a cab on your way to Island Gardens restaurant. You could feel Villie’s excitement rolling off of her, but you could tell she was also nervous. She knew you would not be shy about assessing him and letting her know what you thought of him.

You were notorious for being picky about the men she entertained. You always had been ever since the douche from college who had the audacity to ghost her after knocking her up. You refused to let another asshole slip through the ranks especially knowing how much of a catch your best friend was. Any man who intended to even step a pinky toe into her personal space had to pass the test. You didn’t give half a shit if it meant you were called too picky. All it meant was any man better rise to the fucking occasion.

You dropped your hand to Villie’s knee hoping to steady her leg that had not stopped shaking since you’d gotten in the car.

“It’s okay Villie. Calm down.”

She took a deep breath then slowly released it. “What if you don’t like him?”

“V, if he has passed your wards, then I am sure he’ll appease me.”

She snorted then dropped her head to your shoulder. “You’ll like him.”

She sounded as if she were trying to convince herself more than you and you couldn’t help but laugh. You hadn’t seen her like this in a long, long time. It was too cute. By the time the car rolled up to the front of the restaurant, she’d calmed down some, but your nerves were rising. It had taken an hour to find something that hid your belly. Then it took another hour to find something that not only hid your belly but didn’t make you look bloated. The dress you wore now was something you hadn’t worn in a long time, but it did the trick—mostly. You still felt as if it drew attention to your midsection and other parts of your body that were new thanks to baby 1 and baby 2.

“Reservation?”

Then hostess smiled widely showcasing her perfectly straightened teeth and corner dimples.

“We’re meeting someone here,” Villie managed to get out.

“Okay, sure thing. Name please?”

Villie leaned closer and spoke lowly. “Miles.”

The hostess looked at her then you and smiled softly as she tapped the letters into the keyboard.

“Got them. Thea will take you to your table. Have a good night.”

Villie smiled, looped her arm with yours again then walked off behind a gorgeous woman who was tall enough to be a model and so svelte you felt envious because you were so far from svelte now and had no hope of being that way again for many more months.

“Follow me, ladies.”

You pushed the thoughts out of your head and brought yourself back to the moment. When you heard Villie release a small gasp you knew she’d spotted Miles. Seconds later she’d let go of your arm and was in his. You watched as they kissed as if they hadn’t seen each other in months when you were sure it was merely weeks. You thanked the seater then waited for them to finish. However, when they should have finished, his hand slid down to cup her ass. Villie giggled then which triggered his sort of giggle. Part of you felt so happy for her but the other part cringed a little.

“Mm. Oh. Baby,” Villie began turning to you. “Officially meet my best friend in the entire world, Y/N. Bestie this is Miles.”

He had to have been 7 feet tall. Even with you in heels, he was still towering over you. You approached him and shook his outstretched hand, but he pulled you toward him and kissed both your cheeks like some rich cosmopolitan. You were so taken off guard that you didn’t realize the hand you had shaken seconds before was nudged between your bodies and pressing against your burgeoning belly.

Oh shit, you thought as you tried to act normal and not panic because you knew it would bring more unwanted attention. You put distance between you and smiled.

“It’s nice to officially meet you Miles.”

“You too. Valenza talks about you all the time. I feel like I know you personally already.”

You giggled and looked at Villie who was staring at this man like he hung the stars each and every night in the sky. You could not believe the whole switch in her. You’d never seen her like this with someone.

“Same,” you replied with a smile.

The three of you moved to the table and as you got situated you watched how Miles pulled out her seat, made sure she sat down first, then proceeded to make sure she was comfortable. Then he hurried over to catch your seat before you pulled it out for yourself. You thanked him as you sat then watched as he whispered something to Villie that made her lean to kiss his cheek. It was then you knew that by the end of the night, you’d vomit from all this sweetness.

Most guys that Villie had you meet treated the meeting as something casual or something that didn’t mean anything. They cracked weird pedo jokes, freely groped her, and showcased some questionable behaviors that anyone would think were weird. Some even went above and beyond with their efforts to impress you. Some told completely unrealistic stories and flat-out lies that were obvious lies but expected you to swallow them as facts. Rarely did you meet anyone who tried to impress you naturally.

Throughout appetizers, Miles treated Villie like a queen. He fed her food off his plate, made sure her wine glass was never empty, occasionally nudged her, which spoke of an inside joke that she understood. The thing that made you warm a little towards him was how he looked at her when she wasn’t looking at him. He looked at her the way your grandfather looked at your grandmother—full of awe and wonder.

As you moved on to main courses, every time Villie laughed his eyes lit up like Christmas morning. It was adorable. When he began asking you about yourself you gathered he was unlike other men she’d dated. As you told him about your job, hobbies, and stories about Villie that both of you experienced he genuinely looked entertained and interested.

However, it was when his questions about you got more detailed did you know that he was really serious about her. Any man who took the time to get to know his girl’s best friend understood simplistic reasoning and the simplistic reasoning was that this was a test, and the best friend is the end all be all. If she approved then not only would she not be a problem for him, but she would become his ally.

After dinner, which Miles paid for, the three of you made moves to go to another venue but you’d seen enough. You pulled Villie into a hug.

“He’s great. Be happy.”

Her smile was so bright that you had to cringe away from her.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. My only caution is maybe to stay away from deep penetrative positions because his height says you will die.”

Villie screeched loudly then laughed so loud that everyone that was nearby stared.

“Oh my god! Y/N!”

You laughed.

“My mama ain’t raise no bitch!”

You snorted, shook your head then nodded because you knew this caution fell on deaf ears.

“What’s so funny over here?”

“Nothing. I’m going to head out,” you replied.

“So soon? You sure you don’t want to hang? I heard of this cool exhibit tonight,” Miles began.

“No, no, it’s all good. I’m actually a little tired. It’s been a long day.”

“Oh. Okay. It was really good to meet you officially and I’m glad you’re doing better and feeling better.”

“Yeah. Thank you so much for understanding again. I swear I will never rearend you again.”

The two of you chuckled.

“Hey, what are you doing this weekend?”

“Um—uh--.”

“I’m not trying to be weird or anything I swear.”

“Not trying to set up some best friend threesome?”

Miles snorted. “God no. Valenza is—more than enough,” he said staring at her.

From the look they exchanged you knew just what they would be doing the rest of the night.

“And—I don’t think threesomes are recommended in your—condition.”

Your eyes widened as Miles motioned to your stomach. He could tell?

“You can—wait—you—what do you know?”

Miles looked to Villie then you then back to Villie. “Uh—that you’re—pregnant. I’m not judging it’s cool. I mean you can barely tell but I hugged you and then you weren’t drinking or anything so--.”

You looked at Villie who also looked ready to panic.

It’s no big deal. I promise. Congratulations to you. What I meant was that this weekend is the Miami Grand Prix, and I can get you guys in for the VIP experience.”

You felt like you’d heard that from somewhere but for the life of you, you couldn’t figure out where or what it was. Maybe it was because it had taken him moments to guess you were pregnant then 2 hours tops to confirm it. The blank look on your face must have been the dead giveaway for him because he chuckled a little.

“Are you a fan?”

“Fan? Oh—yeah totally. That sounds cool,” you said hoping to steer the conversation away from you being pregnant.

“Cool. So tomorrow starts the weekend. You and Valenza can come together, meet up there?”

“Sure.”

Just then your Lyft pulled up and you hugged Villie once more then waved to Miles before you got in. While the car pulled off you waved to them both then leaned back once they were out of sight.

“Oh my god!”

You dropped your head into your hands and proceeded to panic the entire ride home.

~~~~~~~

-The Next Day-

You took another sip from your café cup which held a large pomegranate tea. You were already missing caffeine and everything it brought to your life. Not only were you up not long after the sun came up but you were also dressed and already on the move.

“Are you as tired as I am?”

You took a sip from your cup then sighed.

“I am, but I think we’re tired for different reasons—me tossing and turning and growing two humans, you tossing and turning getting your back, cervix ovaries and soul blown out like a circus acrobat.”

Villie snorted then cackled. The driver glanced into the rearview mirror for a moment then looked back to the road.

“Oh my god. Look don’t judge me. I’m just trying to keep up with you,” she teased.

You rolled your eyes. “Ha-ha-ha!”

Another sip of tea filled you and you groaned wishing it was a large macchiato with an extra shot of espresso.

“Also, hello he sent you a chauffeured car?”

Villie smiled widely then twirled your hair.

“My baby knows how to take care of me,” Villie added.

“My baby? Damn, that was quick. I take it y’all got labels now?”

“We labeled up! That’s my man, he my boo.”

You smiled then nudged her. “I’m happy for you Villie. He seems like a good guy, and I love the way he treats you.”

“Thank you. I’m happy,” she said.

You smiled and looked back at the road. The car zipped by a billboard with the same words Miles said last night, “Miami Grand Prix”. Again something nagged at your brain, something like recognition but it wasn’t quite recognition. It felt like something was blocking the part of your brain responsible for your memory of what it meant.

Ten or so minutes later the car pulled up then stopped.

“We’ve arrived, ma’am.”

After thanking the driver, you and Villie got out and then marveled at the sea of people bustling around. As you joined them and walked toward an entrance you took notice of several people dressed wearing Ferrari, Mercedes, McLaren, and Red Bull items. You knew those brands.

“Villie, what exactly is the Miami Grand Prix? I swear it sounds familiar, but I can’t remember why or how.”

The look on Villie’s face was one of confusion. “I don’t know. I thought you knew.”

“Did you Google?”

“Girl my hands have been kinda busy for the last 12 hours.”

You cringed and shook your head. It was then you saw Miles standing just ahead.

“Hey! You guys made it.”

He hugged Villie then kissed her while babying her as if he hadn’t seen her less than 12 hours ago. You silently prayed this was not what you were in store for all day.

“You guys ready?”

“Yes!”

You had no idea where she’d found this burst of energy when she was half asleep moments ago in the car. The three of you walked on and with every step you took more and more things pointed to what this really was. When a woman passed by wearing a shirt with Lewis’ face you stopped in your tracks.

“Everything okay?”

“Um—this is Miami Grand Prix, racing—F1, right?”

“Yeah.”

Villie’s eyes widened then as it hit her as well. Miles looked at her then back to you and his confusion was evident.

“Is something wrong?”

“Uh--.”

You tried to come up with a reason to leave, or something to say to cover what was really wrong.

“No, no. Nothing is wrong.”

“Okay. Come on, the VIP experience includes paddock access with Mercedes,” he said as he walked on.

Holy shit, you thought. This was bad. This was very, very bad. Seeing no way out that wouldn’t lead to you having to confess you were carrying the babies of the man whose paddock you were on your way to, you proceeded to follow Miles. Every so often Villie looked back at you asking you with her eyes if you were all right. You’d spoken nonverbally long enough to easily pass your panicked message, “Help”.

Just as you were about to pull out your phone and fake a work emergency Miles stopped. “Welcome to the Mercedes paddock. Now Lewis isn’t here right now he’s already getting into his car but after I can get you and introduction if you’re down.”

You and Villie again exchanged quick looks before Miles continued to show you around and introduce you around. After almost twenty minutes you found yourself sitting in front of a TV with the race about to start. That was when Villie shimmied up to you.

“What do we do?”

“I don’t know. I’ve been trying to figure it out,” you whispered back.

“I can come up with an excuse for us to leave.”

“Wouldn’t that be weird? I said I was a fan. Would a fan really get up and leave a VIP experience or a once in a lifetime experience?”

“Hell yeah they would if the VIP experience is with their secret babies’ daddy,” Villie aggressively whispered back.

You chewed your bottom lip even more intently. Then the start of events sound rang out and everyone brought their attention to the largest television in the room. Within seconds, the race began, then cars sped off. You watched in somewhat awe as the controlled chaos of a start turned into the cars forming a neat traffic line. This was your first in-person race. You’d seen a few on TV and watched a lot of recap highlights but this was your first in-person one and the atmosphere was intense. You couldn’t look away from the screen or move a muscle because it was that interesting.

Before you knew it, 20 laps had gone by, and with each lap, the lead changed and when the lead changed so did the line-up. On the 6th lap, Lewis made a swift cut-off and overtook Red Bull for the number 1 spot. Then in the 19th lap, the first collision happened that barely missed Lewis. That had you on your feet so quickly that you nearly lost your balance.

Now you were standing with your hands on your stomach because as soon as the excitement picked up so did the activity in your belly. It was as if they knew their father was once again racing toward greatness. Just when everyone in the Mercedes room was beginning to relax, Red Bull attempted another overtake. The fender of the Red Bull car clipped the bumper of Lewis’ car which sent his car slanting sideways and skidding. Everyone in the room gasped, some even cursed at the brazenness of the Red Bull driver.

However, with the loss of control of his back wheels, Lewis’ car otherwise remained in complete control. He didn’t swerve wildly or burn out, he kept his lead and even managed to block any further attempts to steal his lead. Thinking of the sheer skill that took had your jaw dropped and both your hands cradling your babies—his babies.

“That’s what I’m talkin’ about!”

Miles’ voice boomed around the room when Lewis not only straightened out but inched further into a lead.

“Wow,” you marveled as a wave of intense attraction washed over you.

You wanted to do nothing more than to throw yourself on him and lick his neck no matter how sweaty it was and that was just the beginning of all you wanted to do to him. The raw force of that wave bowled you off of your feet and back into your seat. Fuck, you thought. This was not good. You thought you’d moved past this and had gotten it out of your system. You thought that one night was more than enough for you, that you’d lived out every wanton desire and urge. Feeling the heat spread through you now told you that was more than likely not the case.

Two hours later as Lewis screeded to a stop after securing P1 the entire Mercedes room was filled with celebration. The man you’d spent the last two hours talking with patted you on the back then went in for a high five. “I think you might be his good luck charm.”

“Ha! I think now. He just happens to be the GOAT,” you countered.

He chuckled. “I have to have him meet you. I think you two would hit it off. I know everyone around here would love to see him settled.”

Your eyes bugged but as you were about to speak, someone else did.

“That’s Toto for you. He and Suzie are steadily trying to marry him off,” a dark-skinned man the exact replica of Lewis said. "I don't mind, at least maybe I will get some grandchildren soon," he finished.

“Hahaha, Anthony my man,” Toto said with a chuckle.

The two men shook hands as you watched on with wide eyes. You’d seen pictures of Lewis’ father plenty of times. When they stood side by side the resemblance was really uncanny. The only difference was their skin tone, otherwise, Lewis was the spitting image of him.

“What a good race today,” Anthony said.

“I agree. I was just telling Y/N that she might be Lewis’s good luck charm. Miami hasn’t trusted him this well in a while,” Toto added.

Anthony Hamilton looked at you and smiled so warmly you couldn’t help but smile back.

“Y/N. Are you--.”

“No, no. I am no one. My best friend happens to be dating his best friend so here I am. Sort of like a 3rd wheel,” you blabbered.

“We all start from somewhere,” Toto slid in making Anthony snort.

“Well I can tell from your eyes that you’re a kind person. My son could use as many kind people around him as he can get. This business is fickle and cold.”

You caught the chill in his voice and from the look on Toto’s face both men were in a nonverbal agreement.

“Fickle and cold, huh. That’s good. At least you know where you stand with people. I’d take that over fake kindness and hidden agendas. Let a snake be a snake in the open. If I see the snakes in front of me I know my moves ahead of time. I’m sure Lew—your son is the same way. Prepare for war in secret and in the open but kill em’ in silence with kindness and skill which gives proven results.”

The two men glanced at each other then back to you with expressions you weren’t sure how to place.

“Did I say something wrong?”

“No. It’s just you sounded like Lewis there. He says prepare in the open but move in silence,” Anthony informed.

You shrugged, “Eh, mine is better.

Again both men laughed.

“You’re right Toto, I think they would hit it off.”

“See. They complement each other.”

This was too freaky for you, so you quickly changed the subject. “Uh, it was a good race. So much so I’m wiped.”

You stretched your arms as you fake yawned. You watched Anthony’s eyes dip to your midsection but before he could speak you pulled your long cardigan together. “Congratulations to you Mr. Hamilton and team Mercedes. I’m going to go on and get out of here.”

Slipping past the two men who attempted to protest your departure, you shimmied up to Villie and slyly told her you were leaving. She didn’t try to stop you at all. She knew the risk that this was. It wasn’t that you didn’t want Lewis to know that you were pregnant, you just didn’t want right now to be when he found out. You knew what it felt like to be blindsided by this news and right here and now would definitely blindside him. Plus, you weren’t 100% ready to see him again after your night together, especially with you still being attracted to him. That was a recipe for disaster—it all was.

So you slipped away with no one being the wiser. The only pair of eyes that followed you as you left was Anthony Hamilton’s and his brow said that he was more than curious as to why.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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ms-demeanor · 2 years ago

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any tips for Adult Phone Calls? i've been putting some off and it's going to start costing me money if i don't Get It Together soon, but that pressure just makes it harder!! part of my issue is not knowing what The Script is and part of it is that i find real-time conversation as An Adult really daunting....

Yes!

Okay so a big part of my job is answering phone calls; I am a professional person who answers phone calls from people who would rather not have to call me and who are usually confused and upset by what is happening, which often has the potential to be expensive for them. It's a stressful call to make!

As a professional phone answerer, here are the things that help ME when people call:

Be able to describe the reason that you're calling and what you would like to do about it. This is a simple two-step giving basic background information and your desired outcome so that the person answering the phone can get the process started for you. Examples: "Hi, I'm a new patient referred by Doctor X; I'd like to make an appointment with Dr. Y." "Hi, I tried to use my credit card but it was rejected, I would like to know why." "Hi, I am calling about a late payment; I would like it removed from my record." "Hi, my sink is leaking and I'd like to schedule a visit for repair." "Hi, I think my computer has a virus, I'd like to bring it in to get checked out."

Call when you have some time. Don't call when you've only got five minutes to be on the phone, this could take a while and you will be less stressed if you call when you've got at least ten minutes to half an hour where you won't be interrupted. If you are less stressed, the person taking the call will be less stressed, and the whole process will work better.

Have any account/ticket/serial number/referral information handy. Pre-game the call in your head and think about any questions they might need to ask you, then gather the information they might need. Examples: If you're calling about something like a car or computer hardware, know the basics of make/model/age. If you're calling a financial institution or service provider, have your account number, verification information, etc. handy If you're calling a medical office you might want to have a list of medications as well as your insurance card available.

And here's some information that might make CALLERS more comfortable:

We're not mad at you for making the phone call; talking to you is our job. You're not bothering anyone or imposing on anyone's time. Please make the call instead of churning in panic for weeks or months; it's much easier to fix something or resolve an issue if it's addressed early than if you respond to it months down the line.

You can just say right off the bat that you're not sure about the call or that you don't know what's going on and you need help. You might want to say something like "Hi, I'm having an issue and I don't know the next steps to take to get it resolved; could you please help me?"

You can also just say something like "Hi, thanks for helping me; I'd like to let you know that I have a little trouble using the phone and may need to ask questions as we go or think for a second. Thanks for being patient with me, here's my issue."

There is like a zero percent chance that your call is going to be one of the more stressful things they do that day. The call is stressful for you, it is very routine for them, and they are used to everything from getting screamed at to trying to communicate in languages they don't speak to help callers.

Also: if you have not called this place before, feel free to call it with no plans to speak to anyone just to see how the phone system works. It may be an automated phone system and you can call and pre-navigate the options and take notes for when you're ready to call back, and you may be able to find out more of what the system will ask of you. If you get picked up by a person when you're not ready you can simply say "Oh, I'm sorry, I've got another call coming in, I'll call back, thank you" and hang up.

The Script for most Adult-type phone calls is "I am having X problem and I need help fixing it," and then requests for information and someone either providing a resolution for you issue or escalating it to the next step in the process.

It's hard to pre-plan a script without more details because some people you'll call will have a more difficult script than others (canceling cable, for instance, can be a hassle and there are people out there who have written specific instructions on how to do that) and some will be very easy (scheduling an appointment or opening an account can often be very simple!) but regardless of how difficult the specific script is you can ask for help along the way, and the process will be easier if you've done a little information gathering about your own needs/issues/desired resolution.

Good luck! Please don't let the phone scare you too much! People on the other end of the phone are usually quite happy to help.

If it's something really contentious like dealing with a collections agency, look up specific resource guides because that's where it pays to have a very specific idea in mind of how you're going to approach the problem.

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thefallennightmare · 1 month ago

Text

För Alltid: Jolly Karlsson x OFC! Astrid-One Shot[JP Universe]

Pairings: Jolly Kalrsson x OFC! Astrid[Just Pretend Universe]

Warnings: angst, fluff, smut( unprotected p in v while Jolly sits in the computer chair, slight biting, slight masturbation, Jolly suddenly realizing he has a breeding kink)

Words: 4,011.

Summary: The rope that binds Jolly and Astrid together is bound to snap. Can they tighten it before it's too late?

Authors Note: I've realized we haven't had an update into this couple since Fika came out so I decided why not! A little insight into the JP world without posting the next chapter. Also, I didn't tag anyone because I'm currently working on my tag list.

ASTRID

With a soft yawn, I scratched at my stomach as I walked into the apartment, the bag from the pharmacy clutched tight to my chest. My heart beat wildly in my chest with the only thought in my mind was making it to the bathroom. Thankfully, Jolly wasn’t home so he wouldn’t question what was in the bag. Even if he did catch me, it wasn’t like Jolly would say anything. He barely spoke more than five words to me since this morning; since our fight. He left almost immediately after our fight with a simple love you and I hadn’t seen him since, which was almost eight hours ago

The fighting had been more recent, almost every day one of us would bicker about something. It was like this months ago when I was dealing with the aftermath of my fathers death. Jolly suggested I talk to someone, outside of our relationship, about how I felt about his death. I took his advice and started seeing Dr. Poulos, which helped immensely. Jolly and I were good again, our relationship was thriving like how it had been in the beginning; back when he came to Fika every day.

I kept up my therapy appointments until recently. The last two weeks, the only thing I had energy for was working at Fika from open to close and then coming home to sleep off the exhaustion. Jessica and Tori quit, both deciding to move onto better things which I couldn’t hold against them. I still had Sean and a few other new employees but none of them were management material. So all the extra behind the scenes work fell on my shoulders. Jolly would come and help out when he wasn’t busy with Bad Omens but that wasn’t nearly as often.

It was four in the afternoon on a Thursday and I had plans on staying at Fika till close but after getting sick, I decided to come home for the evening, not before stopping at the pharmacy.

Setting the bag on the counter in the kitchen, I glanced around the quiet apartment and felt my heart sink when I still didn’t see Jolly’s Bad Omens sweater hanging on its normal hook. I pulled out my phone to check if I had any new messages.

I had five. Four from the girls group chat and one from Jolly.

My hands shook as I clicked on the one from Faye first.

Faye 🩵🧚: I’m going to throw up. I’m shooting for The Ghost Inside tonight while Matt works their front of house.

Tay 🍓: Meanwhile I’m going to cry because I’m looking at huskies for adoption but my apartment doesn't allow dogs.

Y/N 🐦‍⬛: Don’t get me fucking started on crying.

Tay 🍓: Shit.

Clicking out of our text thread without saying anything, I clicked on Jolly’s text.

Joakim ☕🩶: I’ll have dinner for us after you get home from therapy.

Fuck.

My therapy appointment was in two minutes but even if I wasn’t sick, there wasn’t any way I’d make it in time.

Right, were you sick the last two times you skipped therapy?

Typing out a quick excuse to Dr.Poulos about needing to cancel for being sick this time, I set my phone on DND and let it rest on the kitchen counter. As I reached into the bag from the pharmacy, the front door opened revealing Jolly who wore his typical sweater and dark glasses hiding his eyes as I locked mine with them. His hood was pulled over his hat but his long hair poked out down his shoulders.

“Shit,” I murmured when I noticed his shoulders stiffen.

“You’re supposed to be at therapy,” Jolly noted with a deep voice.

I rubbed my elbows. “Yeah-uh-I haven’t been feeling well.”

Jolly took off his sunglasses, setting them in the bowl on the table next to the door, and furrowed his brows while resting his hands on his hips. “Is that the excuse for missing the last three appointments?”

I blanched. “How did you know?”

“Dr. Poulos’ office sent a letter home,” he held up a letter that was ripped open.

“You read my fucking mail?” I seethed while slicing my eyes into him. “That’s an invasion of privacy!”

“I had no other choice, Astrid! You’ve been keeping shit from me,” Jolly sneered while throwing off his sweater and not bothering to hook it up. Instead he let it rest on the back of the couch.

I bit my tongue trying so hard not to have yet another fight today. Mentally I was exhausted and needed to remember what it felt like to be loved by Jolly.

“I don’t want to fight anymore,” I blew out a shaky breath while running a hand through my white hair.

The brokenness in my voice made Jolly’s stern face soften just a tad. “Karaste. I just want you to talk to me.”

I scoffed. “Talk to you? Why would I when I try to, it always leads to a fight.”

“You’re lying to me!” His voice boomed in the space. “Are you even sick? You had no problem going to work all day.”

Every word he spoke dug the knife deeper and deeper into my chest because while I didn’t look sick on the outside, I knew what was wrong on the inside. Jolly wouldn’t understand, not unless I told him what was wrong. I just needed confirmation first.

I looked away from his assessing eyes and casted my gaze down at my feet, kicking my scuffed up VANS along the hardwood floor. When Jolly first moved in, he made the emptiness in here feel like a home. Now with all of our fighting lately, it was as if the love had been sucked out.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Jolly,” I held up my hands exasperated. “It’s not like you’ll believe me since you think I’m lying.”

He crossed his arms over his chest and I did my best not to gawk at how his thick muscles clenched underneath his tight black shirt. Somehow with him throwing off his sweater, Jolly was still able to keep the black hat on. I let my eyes linger too long on the tattoos covering his left arm, up to the typical cross earring he wore, and finally over the dark facial hair that covered his face. He always made it look so good.

I clenched my legs together hoping to curb the fire that festered low inside of me. It had been so long since we touched each other but both of us were too angry with each other to even think about sex.

“Do you plan on getting back into therapy?” Jolly wondered.

My lips parted but nothing came out because truthfully, my therapy sessions were the farthest thing from my mind at the moment.

“I-I don’t know,” I answered honestly.

“You fucking promised,” Jolly scoffed while running a hand over his jaw. "Everything is a lie. Every fucking thing!"

The door slamming in the small confines of my apartment echoed causing me to jump, doing whatever I could to keep the tears at bay. I wouldn't cry, not for him. Not for Jolly. Even though the moment he walked in the door, all I wanted to do was cry not only because of the constant arguing but because I missed him terribly. He was here physically but emotionally, Jolly was checked out.

"Asshole," I grumbled under my breath, eyes boring daggers into the closed door of his office/studio.

Well, you did lie to him. You've been lying to him. Keeping secrets.

Ignoring the thoughts plaguing my existence lately, I blew out a shaky breath and forced myself to turn back towards the kitchen counter. The exhaustion had been buried deep in my bones for the last couple of weeks and I didn’t think it had anything to do with working almost every day. All I wanted to do was curl in bed to sleep the rest of the evening away. Even though Jolly's words from our fight this morning before I left for work kept pestering me.

"I haven't thought much about the future. I'm trying to focus on now."

I asked him in the middle of yet another argument where he thought this relationship was going because I made the mistake of mentioning how I felt like things were stale between us. Jolly didn't think of the future. Of our future. He only thought of the now.

It had been weeks of arguing. Weeks of walking on eggshells around each other. Weeks of not having sex. And weeks of keeping a secret to myself. Now that I knew how Jolly felt, I couldn't decide on if I should continue to keep it to myself or tell him which could potentially ruin everything.

The urge to cry burned in my throat as I snatched the bag off of the kitchen counter and locked myself in the bathroom. I stared at my reflection in the mirror for a long moment, noting the dark circles under my eye and the dark roots of my hair indicating I had not only skipped out on my therapy session but my hair appointments as well.

Averting my gaze away from the mirror, I dug out the box from the bag and nearly choked on a breath when I read over the letters once more. I nearly dropped it in the pharmacy when the realization began to sink in.

Pregnancy Test.

I had missed my period last month and it was coming up on when I was supposed to get it this month but with how I’d been feeling, I knew I wouldn’t be getting my period this month either.

That night was a night where we had a huge blowout argument, both of us questioning if we loved another. Deep down we knew we still loved each other and it was wrong for us to question it. But both of us were stubborn so instead of admitting our love, we decided to fuck out our frustrations; Jolly dragging me to the shower with him as I wrapped my legs around his midsection, marking his neck as mine while his cocked slammed into me.. Afterwards, Jolly helped me to our bed and apologized for the fight as he held me against his chest. I took the morning after pill later that afternoon once we realized we weren’t safe which is why I was hoping the test would be negative. Maybe the reason why I missed my period was because of all the stress I’d been under.

“Might as well get this over with,” I grumbled under my breath while ripping open the box.

It came with two tests and I figured it would be better if I used both so after peeing on both sticks, I set them on the counter and washed my hands. These next five minutes were going to be incredibly slow so after I changed into one of Jolly’s shirts and opted out of wearing pants, I paced the bathroom. I thought about maybe texting the girls group chat but knew with what Y/N was going through, it probably wouldn’t be a good idea. I didn’t want it to seem as if I was rubbing it in her face if I was pregnant.

“Shit,” I clutched my chest when the timer on my phone went off.

As I reached for the tests which were overturned, I paused for a moment wondering if maybe I should have been doing this with Jolly.

“If he wasn’t such an asshole,” I muttered to the thought in my head and turned over the two tests.

My heart was in my ears, in my throat, and in the depths of my stomach when I saw the one word that sealed our fate.

Positive.

Both tests were positive.

“Fuck me,” I breathed while resting a hand on my stomach, the tears finally falling.

There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that even though we were fighting, Jolly would be fine with whatever I decided to do. It was my choice. But would he stay with me? Bad Omens had been working non stop on touring and recording their next two albums. Hence why Jolly had been in a mood lately. I knew his anger wasn't directly related to me but because he’d been overworked. I also knew that didn’t give him the right to take it out on me.

Pulling up Jolly’s text thread on my phone, shaking fingers worked out a text even though he was still in the next room.

Me: I need to talk to you. It’s important. Can you meet me in the living room please?

Joakim ☕🩶: I’m busy working.

With a snarl, I snatched the tests off the bathroom counter and stormed out into his office, letting the door smack against the wall. Jolly didn’t bother to look away from his computer, one of Bad Omens new tracks on display, as I dropped the tests on the desk in front of him.

“Congratulations. You’re going to be a father,” I snapped before turning to walk away.

The chair creaked as Jolly leaned forward to gaze down at his desk, a soft breath catching in his throat.

“Karaste,” his fingers grazed my wrist, halting me. “Wait.”

“What? Are you going to claim I’m faking this again?” I snapped, slicing him with my gaze.

“I-,” Jolly’s face softened as he looked back at the pregnancy tests. “You’re pregnant?”

I let the anger fade momentarily when I heard the sincerity in his voice, the slight excitement.

“Yeah, I guess so. I missed my period last month and I’ve been so exhausted lately. Not to mention my boobs have been really sore,” I cringed while running a hand over my chest.

Jolly glanced up at my breasts with a small smirk but then he let his gaze lower on my stomach where it rested for a long few beats of silence. Fear of what he would do or say weighed heavy on my shoulders causing me to remain frozen in front of him. The air in the room was thick with an unreadable tension and the ringing in my ears was deafening. I couldn’t even hear our shared breathing as Jolly continued to stare at my stomach before his large hands rested there.

“Hi,” he breathed. “Jag är din pappa.”

Over our time together, Jolly had been slowly teaching me Swedish so immediately I knew what he said.

I’m your dad.

I dragged a finger over his cheek, those amber eyes I adored so much gazed up at me underneath his black hat. “I’m sorry.”

“For what, Astrid?” Jolly asked with furrowed brows.

“For lying to you. For not going to my therapy appointments. For avoiding fixing things between us by working nonstop.”

I rattled off which made him link fingers with me and brought me down onto his lap, both of us now sitting in his computer chair. He rested his hands over my hip, slowly raising up the hem of my shirt so he could drag calloused fingers over my skin. It was the most contact we’ve had in a week and I leaned farther into him. His nose dragged over my jaw, breathing me in.

“I’m sorry for all of the hurtful things I’ve said. I’m sorry for reading your mail when I should have asked you up front what was wrong. I’m sorry for locking myself away with work instead of fixing things between us,” Jolly apologized.

Removing his hat, I looked deeper into his eyes, taking in the slight freckles on his face.

“Can I be honest?”

When Jolly nodded, I continued. “You freaked me out when you said you never thought of our future and now that I’m pregnant, I’m worried you’re going to leave.”

“Absolutely not,” he cupped my cheek, dragging his thumb just underneath my eye to wipe away the stray tears. “I’ve never thought about the future until you came into my life, karaste. I might not express it enough, which is my fault but please know you’re in my future. Especially now.”

His free hand grazed over my stomach and I nodded into the grasp on my cheek, leaving a kiss on the inside of his palm.

“Can you promise me one thing?” I asked.

“Anything.”

Biting my lip, I spoke. “Can you promise not to propose to me just because I’m pregnant? I want you to propose because you want to, not because you feel like you have too.”

Something flashed in his eyes but Jolly eventually nodded. “Of course.”

While sitting on his lap, the chair continued to creak underneath our shared weight and I sighed, ready to get off which caused him to tighten his grip on me.

“Stay,” he breathed in the crook of my neck. “I need to show you how sorry I am.”

Quickly, Jolly’s lips were on mine in a leisurely kiss. It started off like how our first kiss did, like he was testing the waters again. I nearly sobbed into the kiss when I felt the love pour out of him. I’d been desperate to feel this way again. With his hands on my hips, he began moving me up and down his lap, the hardness of his cock pressing against the thin material of my panties. His name fell from my lips, almost immediately swallowed by his tongue as it explored my mouth, tasting me.

Tattooed fingers slinked up my shirt to graze over my back before Jolly tossed it over my head and down to the floor, breaking our kiss. Lust bleed in his already dark eyes as he looked at my stomach, his cock straining in his jeans.

“Shit,” he groaned while pressing kisses along my chest. “I can’t wait to see you round with my baby.”

A moan fell from my lips as I exposed more of myself to Jolly, his teeth now grazing over my nipples. Along with my sore breasts, my nipples were extra sensitive.

“Jolly,” I pulled on his shirt.

He immediately understood and helped me work it off. Immediately my nails raked over the familiar tattoo along his chest as my lips met his again in a fiery kiss, this one more intense than the last. With a gentle tap to my ass, I raised my hips slightly so Jolly could drag down my panties with a bit of maneuvering. However with his jeans, it would have taken way more maneuvering on his part to slide them off completely.

“We should move to the bed,” I suggested, breathless.

Jolly shook his head, keeping his lips on the current mark he was working on my neck. “Absolutely not. I want you to sit on my cock while I sit on the chair.”

Feeling feisty, I pulled away from him slightly to gaze down at him. “Really? This has nothing to do with Noah making it slip the other day how Y/N and him did something eerily similar to this.”

He rolled his eyes with a groan. “Please don’t bring up Noah having sex right now.”

When he motioned towards his unzipped jeans, I let out a soft giggle and then reached my hand in his briefs to grab his cock, already so warm and hard.

“I’ve missed this,” I whispered, gathering his precum to drag it over the head.

“Astrid,” my name came out through gritted teeth as Jolly rested his head on my shoulder. “I need to be inside of you. Please.”

Pulling his cock out from his briefs completely, I dragged it between my folds a few strokes before sinking down on him; both of us letting out a loud groan of pleasure. It had been so long since we’ve felt this so I knew we wouldn’t last long.

“Fuck,” Jolly strangled out while wrapping his arms around me to bring me closer. “I can’t wait to watch your belly get round with my baby.”

I mewled in response, mouth busy with leaving dark marks across his neck while one of my hands slipped between our bodies to press circles on my clit, bringing me closer to the edge.

His cock twitched inside of me, indicating he was close when his hips stilled. “You'd look so beautiful pregnant with my kid. Your belly and tits-oh shit."

“Don’t stop,” I begged while riding him faster this time, the chair nearly falling over.

For the first time since I walked into the room, I noticed a soft tune emanating from the computer speakers, instantly recognizing the voice.

“What if we got even for all the wrong reasons? What could it change?”

“Astrid,” Jolly’s voice now pulled me away from the song back to him and I brushed away the hair from his sweat slicked forehead. “I’m going to fill you up over and over again.”

I nodded as the coil in my stomach began to ignite in a blaze of ecstasy, my orgasm about to snap.

“I love you,” I cried out when my body finally snapped, arousal coating Jolly’s cock.

With one final thrust, he followed me over the edge as he filled me with his cum and a breathless Jag älskar dig mer, karaste in the skin of my neck.

I love you more, dearest.

Falling into him with exhaustion, Jolly lifted me from the chair and carried me through our apartment towards the bathroom.

“Are you alright?” He questioned while still carrying me.

I pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I’m okay.”

Setting me on the closed toilet seat, he turned on the shower and removed his pants while we waited for the steam to bellow around us.

“First thing tomorrow, you’re calling Dr. P to reschedule your appointments,” he said while running a brush through my hair.

“I will,” I promised. “I never meant to skip them. I just got overwhelmed with everything. Work, feeling sick, and our fighting.”

Putting the brush down, Jolly kneeled in front of me so he could rest his hands on my thighs.

“What do you say we get away for a bit? Just the two of us. We could head up to Big Bear. I know how much you loved it the last time we were there.”

I nodded eagerly. “I would love that. Fika is doing so well that if I closed it down for the weekend, we’d still survive.”

When the steam began to gather on the mirror and stuck to our skin, Jolly helped me up to my feet and rested his hand on my stomach where our baby was growing.

“I need to call the doctor to get an ultrasound scheduled so I can figure out exactly how far along I am,” I said while covering his hands with my own.

“Tomorrow?” He asked with bright eyes.

I couldn’t help but giggle as I led him into the shower with me. “I don’t think I’d be able to get in that quick. Plus it’s Y/N’s birthday tomorrow. Noah wants us all there by four p.m.”

As Jolly set me underneath the stream of water, he reached for my shampoo and lathered it up in his hands.

“We should probably keep this quiet, for multiple reasons,” he noted while working the shampoo in my hair.

I hummed in agreement and settled into the tranquility of Jolly washing me first and then me doing the same to him.

Even through all of the fighting we’d gone through recently, it was evident our love remained just as strong as the first day he walked into Fika asking for a black coffee with two spoonsful of sugar. Almost two years later, he still took his coffee the same way. Just like our love had remained the same, regardless of the fighting. While I was unsure of a lot of things recently, there was one thing I knew for certain now besides our baby growing inside of me.

För alltid.

We were forever.

#tina talks #bad omens #just pretend noah sebastian #bad omens cult #joakim jolly karlsson #jolly karlsson #jolly karlsson fics #jolly karlsson one shot #jolly karlsson smut #jolly karlsson x astrid #jolly karlsson x ofc

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ellesthots · 5 months ago

Text

Fateful Beginnings

XXI. “belonging”

parts: previous / next

plot: somehow, you always find your way back home. Batman gets an intriguing lead on John Doe.

pairing: battinson!bruce wayne x fem!reader

cw: 18+, dead body, cancer, confrontation, depression

words: 3.2k

Tears studded your cheeks as you vented to Mar about the morning's happenings. She'd never liked Dr. Vry, and at some point the conversation had exploded into a rant about the subpar character of the woman. "Remember when she accidentally input my A as a C and told me 'fate' must have guided her grade input? Then didn't fucking change it because of fucking, written in the stars bullshit? Fucking tanked my GPA."

"I just don't get it. The email said nothing about him, she said nothing about reporting on him besides being excited he would be there." You collapsed flat on your back in a starfish pose. "It was like she expected me to be starstruck by him or something. Like that was the only course of action." Like everyone else seems to be. The world caters to flashy, superficial things.

"Fuck her! You don't need her!"

You stared at her blankly for a moment. "Except for my housing, my food, my plane tickets back home?"

"How much an hour is it? Like $15?"

"$43."

"Oh fuck, in this economy you should've said you'd suck his dick, too."

Maybe you were spending a little too much time with her. "I feel like alluding to me doing anything with that man should be a crime." You flopped back on your bed and checked the time--it was barely past noon. You hadn't even managed to be at the job until the afternoon... shame threatened to cocoon you faced with such obvious failure. At this point you remembered the check Dr. Vry had sent would arrive today, and a few minutes later you sat inputting the code you'd been mailed to your digital check.

You spent the next twenty minutes listening to Mar continue to rant while you ordered some groceries. By that point she'd gotten a text from one of her friends for their Friday night bar hangout and had dismissed herself, leaving you tethered to your house as you waited to stock your fridge. You watched out the window as she got into an Uber, and after she was gone for sure, and just as the check deposited, you called your mom. Moreso even than the likely imminent firing, the stress of her health threatened to spiral you off the deep end. She picked up on the third ring. She sounded tired.

"Hey, hun." She cleared her throat, then yawned. You heard a small buzzing sound in the background, then heard a small meow. Another night he spent purring and cuddling her. Thanks, Walter. God, you were so glad she had him. "Everything alright? The photos you sent of your apartment were really good, I showed them to Debbie and she couldn't believe it! 'In GOTHAM?' is what she told me!"

To tell or not to tell about the troubles this week held? She yawned again. Not the time. "You sound tired." Your grip tightened around the phone.

She sighed. "My doctors moved my appointment to six thirty in the morning, can you believe that?" She tsk-d.

"How'd the appointment go?"

"Oh just fine. I had to sign a bunch of paperwork and talk to practically everyone in the place." She sounded bored and vaguely annoyed, which she hadn't been before. Irritability a potential side effect?

"Did the shot hurt?" Small talk, but what else was there to discuss? Your likely firing?

"Nope." She began cooing to Walter, who became exponentially louder with his purr.

"How's your arm? Any side effects yet?" God, why did things feel so dry today? Did Gotham really create so much distance already between you and your family? Were you just anxious and overthinking? Was she annoyed?

"My my, they must have you busy with interviewing skills."

You opened your mouth to respond, but she questioned you instead. "When are you coming back hon?"

This question confused you. "Uh, whenever you need me to, but I thought starting next month? For the injections?" You twirled with a frayed end on your blanket. Can I still return this? It's been like a week and it's already tearing apart... she snapped you out of your wandering with her next sentence.

"Sure, your dad and I are going on a cruise this week."

A cruise? Right after her first dose of an experimental cancer drug? With unknown side effects? "Mom, your treatment,"

"Oh we'll only be gone a week. Won't interfere with my next appointment." Walter meowed again. Who would be taking care of him?

"I mean, okay. I just think with not knowing the side effects of your first dose,"

"The way I see it dear is this might be the best I ever get to feel."

That sentence hit like a ton of bricks atop bruised ribs. "Couldn't you wait a week, just see the side effects?"

"The cruise leaves the port tomorrow."

"Mom,"

"We still can't believe that donor. Whoever they are, they really opened our finances up. Your father's been saving for years to try and make that initial bulk payment,"

You recalled the argument they'd had when your mother's cancer was initially found. Your mom wanted to start a payment plan immediately, but your dad thought if he put it into deferment for a few years and made payments to a high yield savings account every month their money would 'go exponentially further'. You hadn't cared much at the time, mostly because money stressed you the hell out, and at the time you were trying to avoid thinking about your mother's prognosis. Before you could decide what to say next, your dad had walked into the room and starting shouting loud enough for you to hear on the phone.

"Hey sweets, how are you and that Wayne guy doing?"

"I don't know how else to tell you guys I don't like him. We don't talk." This conversation was going nowhere, and you could smell an impending argument if you stayed on even another minute. You needed to check on one last thing before hanging up. "Who's looking after Walter?"

"Oh don't worry about that,"

"I am worried. Do you need me to come back to watch him?"

"Debbie will be stopping in throughout the week to check on him."

Walter was never very fond of Debbie; whenever she came over, in fact, he ran and hid. If you knew Debbie any less you might think Walter was placing judgment on her character, but no: she was just very loud, her laugh sounding a bit like a stampede. Walter was never very skittish, but after enough startles, he'd come to hide whenever he heard her come around. His discomfort was all you needed. "Tell her not to come, I'm coming home for the week."

"Hon," your mom began to chastise you, but you refused to let her finish. "No, no, I'm coming home tomorrow and I will stay with him. Case closed." After saying goodbye and lying about having already bought a nonrefundable ticket, you hung up and bought the earliest flight for tomorrow: 11am. You did your best to avoid thoughts of how the thousand Dr. Vry had sent was already disappearing, and filled the rest of your evening (sans figuring out what to do with fresh bags of perishable groceries) packing to head back the next day.

The bat signal hadn't lit since Thursday night. Bruce had been left reeling, kicking himself for not following up with Gordon on the owl debacle. He went out every night, and every few hours would move to the usual meeting place with Gordon to find an empty sky. It was Wednesday night before the signal lit again, and by that point Bruce had nearly gaslit himself into thinking the owls hadn't been there in the first place.

Gordon looked morose, but resolved. "We have the autopsy back for our John Doe." He held up a graphic photo of the man, gray and laid out on stainless steel. His chest and abdominal cavities were peeled open and pinned to keep tension, revealing a normal—yet punctured—chest and abdomen. Gordon confirmed its complete lack of novelty. "Nothing. Couldn't even trace back a name. No one posting about a missing husband, child, brother, nephew, friend." He paused to clear his throat. "However, we did find something unusual in one of his fillings."

"Unusual? How?"

"The coroner said he almost didn't catch it, but he runs the deceased through an MRI machine after especially gruesome cases. Normally fillings don't show up on magnets, but these ones did." He held out his other hand, revealing a few small pieces of chipped silvery metal. The metal was extremely slick and had a mirror finish to its shine. "It's a metallic alloy of sorts. I'll send it to the lab for processing."

He nearly asked to take it back to his own lab, but that would pressure the boundaries. Gordon was in a tight spot being seen with Batman. He couldn't push it. "How long until it's processed?"

Gordon shrugged, his nose scrunched like he was still smelling formaldehyde's stench. Bruce thought he might've caught a whiff off his jacket. "Not more than a coupla days. I'll signal for you." If the city was in a better place, if Gordon was in a better mood, he might have winked.

The pause gave Bruce just enough time to speak. He said it casually, without much fuss, as if it were a rolling breeze. "Did you see what was on the knives' handles?"

Gordon sighed. A good one? A bad one? Bruce's eyes trained on him like a hawk. The cowl felt tight. "Chicken scratch, most of 'em."

"Most?" Say more.

"No traceable logo."

Frustration bled into his tone. "Looked like an owl."

Gordon's eyes focused on no particular point on the back wall, his eyes narrowing. What? He saw it too, right? pounded against his ribs to be heard. After what felt like hours Gordon shook his head. "Maybe."

"Maybe?" Was this an elaborate scheme? Did Gordon not see it? Was his, was his mind failing him? It glinted off the light perfectly, the etching was transparent in its shape, the beak, the feathers, the claws...

"You alright?" The Bat was lost in thought, breathing thick and heavy. Bruce nodded. To push, or not to push? Silence hung like smog between them. It was crucial to push it, imperative to reality check his mental faculties. "It didn't resemble an owl to you?"

Gordon shrugged. It gave no information to Bruce, who was close to running out of the room and laying face-down in his pillow the rest of the night while he actively avoided looking further into the death of his great-grandfather. Was his time coming sooner than his had? Was it due to his lack of sociability? Had he been concussed one too many times? His neuronal pathways seized up, the myelin sheaths disintegrated?

"Do you know anything about owls?"

Did Gordon know? Was this a trick question? Wait, he wasn't Bruce. He considered saying he'd seen them in peculiar position throughout town, but moreso than Gordon's rocky relationship with the police force, the man had no idea who Batman was; Bruce had to keep exclusively to formidable behavior due to the weakness of the knot tying them together. A kooky moment, or a Freudian slip could force Gordon to take out some scissors and sever their relationship. Bruce shook his head, and left.

Uber. TSA. Flight. Baggage. Uber. Key. Door. Lock. Walter. Eat. Sleep. Walter. Eat. Sleep. Walter. Eat. Sleep. Walter. The past few days had passed in such inconsequential monotony you resisted the conclusion you weren't alive at all. The only moments of reprieve you gathered were when Walter walked up and jumped into bed beside you, tucking his fluffy back against your stomach. He was the only reason you were able to sleep with the anxiety of your job being in limbo, and your mom having fled the town after her first shot. Your mom had left a note saying that the connection would be spotty on the cruise, but they would be back no later than 5pm the following Friday. Now it was Wednesday, and the food your parents had left was starting to dwindle. Your muscles ached to be moved further than the walk from your bed to the bathroom, your bed to the kitchen, or your bed to the living room couch. You put another ice cube into Walter's bowl, grabbed your helmet that was thankfully still in the hallway closet, and took off for a ride to the grocery store on your mom's old bike.

The air was warm, and the sun threatened to burn every centimeter of exposed skin. You'd forgotten just long enough that the stinging sensation was of hot sun piercing onto skin to where you decided against going back for SPF. You didn't have to worry about such basic, human things in Gotham; the sun barely came out, and when it did it was covered by such dense clouds and thick smog you couldn't begin to feel heat against your skin whatsoever. The buildings were hard and cold, the dense metal keeping you chilled no matter the season. Now the sun accosted you, the wheels of the bike running over fresh leaves and the occasional string of hay. You swerved past clumps of clay dirt that lay in the middle of the road, shut your eyes for a few seconds as you coasted, not having to look out for a pedestrian or car every five feet. This was living, this was where you wanted to be. Tears prickled your eyes as you coasted into the dusty parking lot of WinCo, a local grocery store chain to the PNW. You forgot a bike lock, but the city was small and trusted enough that you never heard about bikes getting stolen, anyway. The initial panic was immediately eased, as well as the tight knot in your chest. Maybe you belonged... here?

You walked into the grocery and went straight for the fruit aisle. As you placed apples and oranges and pears in your basket, you absentmindedly flipped through the past. When you were growing up here, it was too boring. You'd wanted nothing more than to leave. You wanted to see skyscrapers, and big cities, and always have something happening around you. Now that you had experienced the worst of what a city could give, this town with its penetrating sun and lofty trees felt like paradise. A paradise that was quickly interrupted, when you accidentally knocked baskets with Lara. "Oh shit,"

"Y/N?" She pulled her basket in and glanced to her left, at someone who you presumed was her exchange boyfriend. She stared at your shoes, you noticed her cheeks going pink. Tension yanked on your shoulders and your stomach flipped. "Hi. I'm watching Walter while my parents are on a cruise."

"No longer in Gotham?" Her boyfriend turned around when she mentioned The Most Feared City, and walked over. "Gotham? That shitshow? I don't know how anyone can live there."

Fucking prick. A strange defensiveness overtook you. "It's not as bad as people make it out to be." Yes it was. "I'm just visiting home, I have a journalism job back there."

"How's Bruce Wayne?" Her tone was mocking, quite unlike Lara, and you figured it had to be Rose and Gabbi's bitter influence in the time you'd been gone that brought this upon her. Mystery Man's eyes lit up, one of the buttons on his shirt threatened to pop like the bulgy vein in his forehead. "You know Bruce Wayne? The Bruce Wayne?"

"She knows him, alright." She side-eyed the guy and giggled. He laughed, which was startling, and shame bolted through your body like a sticky, sharp rod. He leaned into her ear and said, still loud enough for you to hear and likely purposely so, "Her?"

Before shame could fully envelope you, you righted the wrong; in part because the idea of someone believing Bruce had been inside you made you want to sink into the floor, in another wanting to assuage yourself of guilt. "We haven't fucked. Sorry. I was just trying to get back at losers I thought were my friends."

Lara gasped. "I can't believe you!" It rung hollow in your ear just as Dr. Vry had. If someone put their hand over your head they'd feel steam. "You didn't used to be like this, it's fucking disappointing." You spun around and ignored what she was saying behind you, shoving your feet against the ground, making your calves burn with each grief-consumed footstep. It doesn't matter what they think. It doesn't matter what she's saying. Soon enough you made it across the store to the pantry aisle, pretending to inspect some cavatappi noodles in your quivering hands. The cardboard soaked up your bulleted tears, and you tossed it in your basket after catching a glimpse of your reflection in the boxes' plastic window. You fell to your knees and covered it up pretending to inspect the marinara, not trusting your thighs or knees to keep you steady. Everything hit you all at once, panic rising in your chest and narrowing your esophagus. You grabbed a random sauce and ran to the self checkout, ringing up your two items, grabbing a bag, and taking off for home.

The ride home wasn't as quaint as the one there. The sun wasn't at your backside, now it seared into your bleary eyes as it set, making you unable to see a rock in the road, sending you flying overtop the handlebars. When you touched your knees and elbows, they stung and stained your fingertips red. The last ten minutes of the walk was utter misery, as blood dribbled slowly down your knees and down to your wrists. Walter meowed when you came back, but you couldn't pet him. You turned the water as cold as you could manage to wash away the cakey blood and dirt. Your hands hesitated before lathering the shampoo, and when they scrubbed the back of your head you began to cry again. Your face was hot and your body ice cold. You sat on the floor, pulled your knees up, and wrapped your hands around your chest as sobs shrieked out of you. The water ran pink, then pastel, then clear. Being alive hurt. The thought pounded at the back of your corneas, chafed blisters between your thighs, and spiked the ridges in your throat, that you might never, ever, feel "home". Walter meowed at the door, you turned off the shower, and toweled off to open another can of Friskies.

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hollyhomburg · 4 months ago

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Omg that yoongi therapist idea will absolutely be my new Roman Empire woah i really hope that happens someday god your brain is so good to me

i just love the idea of her being his hardest patient- but the one that he waits for, looks forward too, he likes to schedule her at the end of the day- so that he has a little bit more time because yoongi out of everything- likes to be needed and he is painfully aware that she needs him- otherwise she would have never come- would have never showed up.

I just imagine some of their more difficult talks him not shying away from the parts of herself that even she does. They'd talk about pretty triggering topics like suicide or self harm. And i think that during one of their first meetings when he asks the usual- "do you have any intent to cause harm to yourself or others?" and she answers, "i know what happens if i answer that honestly Dr. Min"

He lies awake, thinking about it, thinking about her hollow promises to, "call him if she needs anything" all the time. but she doesn't call at first. and if she does call- it's never to talk about whats bothering her- just mindless small talk because thats what she tells him she needs. and yoongi hangs up not knowing if she's going to be there at his next appointment, wondering if he should call the police, wondering if he's doing the right thing by letting her avoid the questions.

yoongi has an impeccable track record, he's never lost a patient before. and he won't let this one, his favorite, be lost as well. they say its a conflict of interest to love your patients, but yoongi has always found it impossible not to care, not to love them a little, not to want to them succeed. Yoongi is a lover and most of his patients just need someone to care about them.

i think he'd ignore the fact that he loves the m/c a little bit more than the others, at least at first.

eventually when she's a little bit better, i think she confesses that it's easier to tell him the more difficult things if he tells her a little bit more about himself. and maybe they bond over yoongi having his dog- or she meets him when he's out there.

i get the idea that she must have some sort of phobia- maybe of crowded places like grocery stores or something (i'm not saying that i have a phobia of grocery stores just angoraphobia and it might be interesting to give her a tiny bit of it) maybe he asks her- after many months of her being unable to conquer her fear on her own- if it would be easier if he went with her- and of course she says yes it would.

of course yoongi uses it as the perfect time to introduce her to min holly and tells her that holly is the biggest scaredy cat- that if he's not freaking out then she has no reason to be scaredand takes her through the isles- and- they actually have fun.

yoongi's a little surprised because it is just going to the grocery store- but between her knocking knees she's trying so hard not to panic and run, making jokes about the packaging on some chips, accidentally squirting shampoo on his face when she asks him to smell something. laughing and- he's never heard her laugh before.

And then after- as a reward because yoongi is a fan of positive reinforcement, they end up going to get coffee and sitting in his car until the food has all but melted. he's never met someone who could make going to the grocery store feel interesting. and he finds himself more and more drawn to her, finds himself offering to go with her once a week, "you and holly?" she asks, "me and holly." he agrees.

and maybe- instantly starts looking up the price of ptsd service dogs- and starts looking into the paperwork to get her insurance to cover it too 🥺 because she deserves not to worry about the price of what she needs, and if it's expensive- really yoongi's made more than enough money off of his textbooks that he's worked on last year.

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goatcheesecak3 · 11 months ago

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Bus stop Pt. 5

Adam Faulkner-Stanheight x F!reader

M!reader version will be out in the next few days :^)

Includes: brief mentions of past violence, allusion to ptsd/trauma, fluff, angsty themes

Summary: after much persuasion, Adam starts going to therapy. After a few sessions he's ready to face one of his biggest fears.

Adam and y/n sat in the waiting room of the therapist's office. The couple had been together for six months now, and y/n, who had always proudly gone to and advocated for therapy her whole life, had finally convinced Adam to make an appointment. This was y/n's regular therapist, Dr Luther Graham, a grey haired man in his sixties. He was exactly what you would picture if you imagined santa claus working a day job, a plump and rosy cheeked man with a long snowy white beard stuffed into a suit and suspenders. He was the sort of person anyone would feel safe talking to, which is why y/n was so sure that Adam would benefit from a session with him. Of course Adam, who was skeptical about therapy as a whole, was reluctant to pay him a visit, and only conceded that he would be willing to give therapy a try if y/n promised to go with him.

The waiting room felt like a living room from the sixties, with brown walls, art deco chairs (which looked fun, but weren't the most comfortable), and yellow mood lighting. The room felt welcoming, but in a clinical way, as though it was an alien's perception of what a human home was supposed to feel like, Adam supposed. The brown walls were adorned with certificates and plaques boasting Dr Graham's qualifications. Adam assumed that these were meant to inspire confidence in patients that this was a legitimate doctor who knew what he was doing, but for him they only reminded him of his own lack of high school diploma.

Adam's fingers were entangled with y/n's as the pair sat quietly, waiting to be called into the office. He suddenly felt a small squeeze on his hand, and turned to look at y/n.

"You're biting at your lip again, sweetie" she whispered, "what's wrong?"

Adam shook his head

"Just... this is all kinda new to me"

Y/n gave him a sympathetic smile

"Doctor Graham is lovely, I promise, you don't need to be frightened. If you really don't like it once we get in there, we can go straight home, but you'll be so proud of yourself for at least giving it a try"

Adam smiled weakly, and held y/n's hand tighter.

A wooden door creaked open, and out popped a smiling Doctor Graham's head.

"You must be Adam" he beamed, "come on in, I'm sure y/n's already told you about how this all works"

Adam shot y/n a terrified look.

"Oh, Doctor Graham, Adam was hoping I would be able to come in with him for his first session, just to make him feel more safe" y/n said calmly

"That's absolutely fine, whatever makes you most comfortable, Adam" Dr Graham smiled.

In the office were two sofas facing eachother, one which seated Doctor Graham, the other Adam and y/n. The silence was punctuated only by the ticking of an ancient looking grandfather clock, until Dr Graham spoke.

"So Adam, why don't you start by telling me a bit about yourself?

Adam turned to look at y/n, almost for approval. His eyes were asking "can I trust him? Can I tell him about me?"

"Go on, sweetheart, you don't need to be afraid" y/n encouraged him.

Adam let out a deep breath and began to speak.

"My name is Adam, I'm twenty-six and I'm a photographer. Oh, and I was kidnapped by a serial killer a few months back" he scoffed, in that familiar unserious tone.

It wasn't that Adam took what he went through lightly, quite the opposite in fact, it was just that he could only even begin to broach the subject in a jokey manner or else he'd begin to spiral.

"Would you care to elaborate on that last point for me, Adam?" Doctor Graham enquired.

"I don't really like talking about it" Adam replied.

"I understand that, not wanting to talk about a traumatic event isn't unusual. But I'm certain you often think about what you endured. Perhaps you might find some comfort in articulating those thoughts out loud, Adam. Legally I can't tell anyone about what's said in this room, so it would be just as private as your thoughts, only this way you get some advice in return" Dr Graham said.

Adam stared at his feet and considered what the doctor had said. If he was being honest with himself, it sounded like a good deal, but he was still unsure.

"You know, Adam," y/n said, "maybe you'd feel like you could talk more freely if I stepped outside? People tend to get the most out of therapy when they have privacy"

Adam shook his head

"No, I can't do this without you, don't leave" his voice had a tinge of desperation to it, and his grip on her hand tightened, something which Doctor Graham seemed to pick up on.

"You've made it clear that you feel safer in y/n's company, why is that, Adam? Enlighten me" he asked.

Adam let out a deep breath that he didn't know he was holding.

"Y/n takes care of me and we love eachother, why wouldn't I want her to stay?"

"Well that makes sense, but judging from your reaction when you thought she might leave the room, perhaps it's less to do with you feeling comforted by her presence, but moreso afraid of her absence. Tell me, Adam, have you experienced any significant abandonment in your life?"

Adam was absolutely floored by this, Doctor Graham seemed to be able to read him like a book. His bit his lip and stared at the floor, his body tense and uncomfortable as he shifted in his seat.

"I suppose you could say that, yeah... when I was being held captive there was this doctor who was being held with me, he managed to escape and he said he'd get help but the asshole never came back."

His voice was laced with anger and hurt.

"Thank you for sharing that, Adam, I know that must have been difficult for you" Dr Graham said, "is the fear of abandonment a regular thought for you?"

Adam nodded

"I try not to let it get to me but... I don't know, I guess it's something I worry about a lot"

The conversion got a lot deeper over the hour long session, Adam opened up about his time spent in the bathroom, about how he was scared of the dark and how the sound of metal clanging put him straight back in that room. And of course, how bathrooms as a whole were something he did his best to avoid, only showering if he really had to. Dry shampoo and deodorant had been his best friends for the last few months.

"Well, that about wraps it up for today's session. Well done for being so candid and honest Adam, I hope you'll benefit from this"

"Um... thanks" Adam bit his fingernail nervously, but managed a small smile. He really was proud of himself.

"Do you think maybe... I could book another one of these? For like next week or something?" He asked shyly.

"Of course, I'm very glad you've found this helpful" Doctor Graham beamed, "I'll book you in for the same time next week?"

...

Later that day, y/n was over at Adam's apartment folding up some of his clothes and putting them away, while Adam sat on the bed bundled up with a blanket draped over his shoulders. He had been feeling somewhat vulnerable after opening up and reliving his trauma earlier on, so he was enjoying being babied a bit. Y/n had made him a warm mug of tea and taken care of any chores he needed doing around the apartment, just to give him some time to recover.

Although Adam did indeed look adorable all wrapped up, he was beginning to smell... ripe was the kind way to put it.

"Sweetheart?" Y/n asked

"Hm?"

"I was thinking about what you said earlier, about not liking bathrooms... and I was wondering if I could help you with that?"

Adam froze, his entire body tense and immediately afraid.

"Only if and when you're comfortable, maybe I could run you a bath and I'll get in with you, to make sure you know you're not on your own?"

Adam bit his lip and looked away, embarrassed.

Of course he wanted that in theory, sharing a relaxing bath with his beautiful girlfriend was any man's dream, but the reality? He was frightened. He could barely take a two minute shower, let alone a full bath.

"You don't have to make any decisions yet, but when you're ready I want you to know that I'm here for you, okay?" Y/n said, her voice soft and gentle, as though she were worried that she may scare him away.

Adam nodded, and retreated further into his blanket, feeling uneasy at the prospect of taking a bath.

"Oh sweetheart, come here" y/n said lovingly, taking a seat beside him and wrapping her arms around him, "I don't care how long it takes, I'm never giving up on you baby"

She pressed a kiss into Adam's temple, as his body relaxed and fell into her, clinging onto her tshirt tightly.

...

A week later, Adam was due to stay at y/n's house overnight. He'd had an appointment with Doctor Graham earlier on in the day, alone this time, and had reached the conclusion that he was ready to tackle his fear of bathrooms. He was terrified, but he knew it was time. He texted y/n.

Adam: I think I want to try having a bath

Y/n: sweetheart, I'm so proud of you! Do you want to try at my place tonight?

Adam: yeah, I think I do

But I'm still really nervous

I might chicken out at the last minute

Y/n: the fact that you're even considering it is such a huge step, well done baby :) how about when you come over, ill run you a bath and you can decide later if you think you're ready to get in. We'll take this at your pace, okay honey?

Adam: that sounds good. Thank you :)

Adam arrived at y/n's apartment feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders. He hated feeling so helpless, so vulnerable. He wanted nothing more than to overcome his fear, but it was difficult for him. Every thought in his brain was screaming at him to turn on his heels and run home, but he wanted to be brave, and he knocked on the door.

Y/n welcomed him in with a smile and a much needed hug, before escorting him to the sofa and placing an already made mug on hot chocolate on the coffee table in front of him. She'd made it just the way Adam liked, with marshmallows and lots of cream- he had a real sweet tooth.

"I know you're nervous, but I want you to know that you don't have to do this if you don't think you're ready. Just relax and enjoy your drink, no one's gonna be upset if you don't think you can do it yet" y/n cooed, sensing Adam's fear before he had even spoke.

"Thank you" he smiled weakly, "I was thinking, maybe we could start with me just standing in the doorway to the bathroom, and I can watch while you run the bath? Just to get myself prepared?"

Y/n felt her heart ache. She was so proud of her sweet boy for being so brave, he really was trying, but it just killed her to see him so scared. Something so small, just being in a bathroom made this grown man tremble with fear like a beaten dog. She silently cursed the name jigsaw for doing this to such a sweet man.

"Alright sweetheart, if you think that might help" she replied, wiping a small bit of hot chocolate off of the corner of Adam's mouth, making him chuckle slightly.

Adam finished his drink, and hesitantly followed y/n to her bathroom. It was a simple room, not much that was worthy of note, but one thing which comforted Adam was the cleanliness of it all. No dirt, no grime, it even had a light floral smell emanating from a bowl of potpourri on the windowsill.

He stood in the doorway to the room, hugging himself and watching longingly as his girlfriend fearlessly entered the room. He wished that he could do that too.

"Alright, babe, I'm gonna turn the tap on now, I'll make sure we get the bath nice and warm okay?"

Adam couldn't speak

"Look, I've even got some bubblebath to try and make it feel a bit less serious" she comforted, showing a bottle of lavender scented bubblebath to him.

"O.. okay" Adam nodded.

As the minutes went by, Adam watched as the tub filled up, and the time to actually enter the room drew closer. With every passing second his heartbeat grew stronger, until he swore he could practically taste his pulse. He swallowed a lump that seemed to be forming in his throat and bit his lip, like he always did when he was anxious.

"Are you ready?" Y/n's voice interrupted his train of thought.

Adam shook his head, "I don't ever think I'll be ready" he laughed wearily, trying not to let himself spiral. Despite the way he felt, Adam began to get undressed, pushing through his fear as best as he could.

Y/n had removed her clothes as well and was ready to get into the bath.

"You wanna do this together?" She asked, holding her hand out for Adam to take it. His own hand trembled like a leaf, he breathed heavily through his nose, as he shut his eyes and took a step forward into the bathroom.

"Well done, sweetheart, you're doing so well"

He flinched slightly as his bare feet touched the cold tile ground, a feeling he knew all too well, but soon his feet found themselves on a soft and fluffy bathmat, and his fears depleted.

Stood next to the bath, hand in hand with y/n, Adam stared down into the water. The last time he'd been in a bath was when he had woken up in one, fully clothed, freezing and shackled to a pipe. This was nothing like that, he thought. The water looked warm and enticing, almost welcoming.

"You don't have to if you don't want-"

"No." Adam cut y/n off, "I need to do this. I.. I don't want to be scared anymore"

His words sounded confident, but his voice trembled. Tightening his grip on y/n's hand, he stepped into the water.

Y/n stepped in with him, her soft hands making their way around his body, holding him in a tight hug.

"Baby, I'm so proud of you" she whispered, kissing his cheek.

Adam gulped, he could feel his breaths becoming shallow, but he knew it was now or never.

"If.. if I sit down will you hold me?" He asked, his lips quivering

"Of course honey, I'll even wash your hair for you" y/n replied, her voice calm and reassuring. Everything about her brought Adam peace, she was his personal sanctuary. If she was with him, he could do anything.

With a deep breath, Adam sat down in the bath, leaning back into y/n's chest and letting the warm water run over his body. Y/n was hugging him tightly from behind, placing gentle kisses into the crook of his neck.

"So brave, I'm so proud of you honey"

Adam relaxed into her touch. He didn't say much, just allowed himself to feel her loving hands all over him. The way they carefully massaged his scalp with a sweet smelling shampoo, the way they gently caressed his bullet wound, accompanied by whispers of how handsome he was. An endless string of "I love you" and "I'm so proud of you" was all Adam could hear, not the sound of cold, damp dripping, the rattling of chains, or even his own thoughts. Unbelievably, he felt perfectly calm.

Once the bath was over, Adam got changed into a pair of pyjamas that y/n had bought specifically for when he stayed over. Snuggled up in bed together, he felt a sense of hope for the first time in a while. He was getting better, life was starting to be worth living.

A/n hello! Sorry this took so long to get out, I've had the flu and i haven't been able to write much without falling asleep lol. Sorry this isn't my best work, but I'm sure it's at least enjoyable! Also, I need Adam related suggestions because I'm feeling a bit lost for new ideas lately, so please leave a request! It can be something you might want to see in the bus stop series, or perhaps just a standalone fic with Adam, or some headcanons etc - anything really! I love getting requests :^)

Hope everyone is having a good new year so far! :^)

#adam faulkner stanheight #adam saw #saw adam #adam faulkner #adam faulkner x reader #adam stanheight #adam stanheight x reader #adam faulkner stanheight x reader #saw 2004 #saw franchise #saw fanfic #sawposting #x you #x reader #x yn #x f!reader #x female reader #fluff

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amymaleneart · 4 months ago

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Raven smiles brightly at their offer, wings puffing up. She shifts the humans in her grip so that she can give a one arm hug to both Sun and Moon.

Artemis wakes up, then coos at Uma, who gives her a warm look. Then the kit starts gnawing on Raven's fingers

"Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!!! I won't let you down!"

She pulls away, looking down at Uma and Artemis, "Did you hear that you guys?! I get to take you home with me! Isn't that amazing?!"

Uma gives her a small smile while Artemis continues to teethe.

"I'll have to tell my roommate, and I'm sure he'll love you guys to death!"

Raven continues to rabble on and on about what she can do to help make her two new humans comfortable, while turning and heading to the shelter's sign-out desk.

Sun and Moon are more than happy to hear that Ms. Raven has agreed to take in the two humans for the time being. And who knows, the way she is talking up a storm with them, it might end up as a foster-fail and she ends up adopting them.

Before they left, Sun made sure to set up an appointment for Artemis's next round of shots. And Moon gave Ms. Raven their contact information if she needs to contact them if she was any inquiries.

The brothers always loved visiting the shelter every month, but today must be one of their favorite trips they ever made.

The End

I want to say a special thank you to @ravenwriter16 for this amazing rpg asks adventure. It was fun world building this alien au. Check out her tumblr page and her ao3 page to view her other creative projects.

And I also hope this brings a new perspective of what it could be like for all the pets that are left at the shelters, and the hardships they go through their lives. I encourage to help out (if you can of course) for your local shelter, whither it's with donations, volunteering time, fostering or even adoption.

The ask box is still open for Dr. Sun and Dr. Moon. The rules still apply that you need to indicate you are an alien or you'll automatically be viewed as a human.

1--2--3--4--5--6--7--8--9--10--11--12--13--14--15--16--17--18--19--20--21--22--23

#sun and moon fnaf #sundrop and moondrop #dca fandom #alien dca #fnaf daycare attendant #archive of our own #alien au #ravenwriter16 rpg asks #ravenwriter16 #veterinary alien #stardust veterinary care #humans as pets #shelter #animal shelters

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missvelvetsstuff · 2 years ago

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Skin Deep

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Bucky and the reader have been dating for a couple of months when he leaves for a long mission. While he's away the reader worries about him and the stress causes her psoriasis to flare up. By the time he comes home it's pretty bad and she's embarrassed to let him, or anyone, see her.

Notes: reader is female and above average height but I try to keep everything else vague.

She has Chronic Placque Psoriasis, which I was diagnosed with last year. My husband has been awesome but I hate this. Crusty, scaly, itchy "plaques" that are not responding well to treatment, thinning hair patches.

So I wrote my own comfort story. Lemme know what you think.

Warnings: swearing, angst with a happy ending

Y/N woke up early to go to the gym and keep up on the training Bucky insisted she start. Even though he had been gone on a mission for 2 months she had promised to stick with it. As she dressed in her tank top she noticed the red scaly patches on her neck and back. Upon further inspection it started on the crown of her head and was spreading. She had seen it starting a couple of days ago but ignored it, hoping it would calm itself but no such luck.

She shook her head and swore "Damnit, not this mess again. FRIDAY? Can you see if Helen Cho has any time to see me today?"

"Of course, Miss Y/N." After a moment she spoke again "Dr Cho can see you at 12:30. Is that alright for you?"

"Yea, FRIDAY. Thank you."

"Of course, Miss Y/N."

Y\N sighed in frustration at her condition, traded the tank top for long sleeves and her shorts for yoga pants, then put on a headband to cover her hairline. Satisfied that most of the plaques were out of sight she went to meet Nat.

When she opened the door to the gym she saw Natasha leaned up against a wall while Clint worked on the weights. When she saw Y/N enter she waved and started walking over to greet her.

Nat furrowed her brow before she spoke "What's with the long sleeves? I didn't bruise you up too much yesterday, did I?

Y/N chuckled "No, it wasn't you. The crunge is back."

Nat looked concerned "Oh no! Maybe the stress of missing your boy toy? Have you even heard from him?"

Y/N shook her head "No. They're on a total comms blackout. Nothing in or out but I'm sure we would have heard if something horrible happened." She smiled sadly "I just miss him. My bed is cold and I'm not sleeping well."

Nat put an arm around her shoulder "I know but he'll be back. How about a 3 martini lunch to distract you?"

Clint looked up "I'm down for a liquid lunch"

Y/N laughed "I have an appointment with Helen at 12:30 so it'll have to be a late lunch but sure as long as you order in. No one wants to see this mess." She pointed at herself.

Nat shook her head "I don't want to hear that talk. It's not like you have any control over it."

Y/N sighed "that doesn't matter. People see my skin and treat me like a leper. I'm not up for being a public service announcement for psoriasis."

"Alright kid. We'll meet in Tony's lounge at 2:00. That should give you plenty of time with Helen." Clint hugged her.

Nat pipes in "I'll tell Betty(Y/N's boss) I need you for the afternoon.'

After the gym, Y/N went to the common room kitchen to find something for breakfast. She settled on a couple of hard boiled eggs, a banana and some orange juice.

Then a long shower, not too hot so her skin isn't irritated, moisturizing her scalp and dressing in a pair of slacks and long sleeved blouse. It took a few minutes to style her hair to cover the rash to her satisfaction.

She went to work in the PR department on the other side of the compound. She was the only ops employee who had quarters near the Avengers, being friends with Tony and Nat was definitely helpful. Dating Bucky was her bonus for living next to the team.

Her boss, Betty, greeted her with a grim smile "Agent Romanoff has requested your help this afternoon so she will meet you in the Avengers common room after your lunch at 2." She looked Y/N up and down "It is convenient how the Avengers always need your help and never any other employees."

Betty was a control freak and didn't like how Y/N was assigned to her but always pulled away by the team. She wouldn't dare complain but it did rub her the wrong way.

Y/N smiled "We've built up a rapport since I'm over there all the time with Sargent Barnes."

Betty sneered "I cant imagine what anyone would see in-"

Y/N snapped "Don't tax yourself trying, some people can only see in one dimension so I'm sure it's beyond your abilities"

Betty scoffed "You might be their pet right now but they'll get bored, he'll get bored if he doesn't kill you first, and you'll be stuck with me"

"Yeah, sure Betty. Why don't you let me get some work done while I'm here." Y/N smiled and went to her office.

She spent 3 hours working on her paperwork and projects before her phone went off to remind her of her appointment. She cleaned up her desk and waved goodbye to Betty who shot her a dirty look.

Y/N went to the medical wing and saw Helen. This wasn't a new problem so Helen gave her a refill on her meds and a new moisturizing steroid cream with vitamin d. Y/N was grateful for Starks medical coverage since most insurance wouldn't cover such a new medicine.

After scheduling an appointment for 2 weeks to see how she was responding to the new meds Y/N went to her apartment to change into something more comfortable. She picked a long sleeve maxi dress and sandals.

When she arrived at Tony's lounge she saw Nat had already started drinking and Clint came in right after her with the food. They sat in the comfy leather chairs eating tacos and drinking margaritas until dinnertime when they decided to watch a movie. They were all half drunk and argued over what to watch but Y/N and Nat ganged up on Clint and they ended up watching Heathers.

Clint passed out before the movie ended so drunk Nat and Y/N made his face up and put ribbons all over his hair then left him there, giggling as they tip-toed away.

Y/N was a little unsteady so decided to go to her room and sleep it off. She tried to explain that to Nat but it came out sounding like gibberish in between her laughter. Nat decided to follow her to make sure she made it ok and they both ended up passed out in Y/N's room.

Over the next 2 weeks she took good care of her skin but the rash wouldn't back down. The meds kept it from growing but didn't help much beyond that.

It was Friday nite and Y/N was on the roof hitting a joint and tequila shots with Nat. "Where is Clint anyhow?"

Nat scoffed "Some shit about seeing his family. Lame."

After they finished the joint they each had a brownie and slowly made their way back to the residential floor.

Y/N passed out fully clothed but she did remember to take her shoes off.

"Miss Y/N?" She heard her name like it was coming from far away and grunted in reply. FRIDAY tried again "Miss Y/N?" She grumbled then shouted "What" instantly regretting it as her head pounded. "Sargeant Barnes tried to call but you were asleep. He left a message to let you know he will be home this evening"

Y/N sat up quickly to find Nat passed out next to her. "Oh my head!" She grumbled and shoved Nat. "Natasha! What did you do to me? My head is pounding"

Nat rolled off the bed onto the floor "I didn't do anything, you're the one who drank too much. You should know you can't keep up with me."

Nat stood up a little unstable but her eyes were clear and bright.

Y/N was thinking "FRIDAY? What did you just say?"

"Sargeant Barnes sent a message to let you know he will be home this evening."

Y/N looked at Nat "Tonite? But look at me? I can't let Bucky see me like this. He'll never want to touch me again." Her eyes teared up.

Nat put an arm around her "Come on, Barnes is crazy about you, he won't let this stupid rash stop him."

Y/N shook her head, then groaned "But, Nat, I haven't had a flare up since before we started dating. I haven't told him about it yet." She got up slowly and went to look in her bathroom mirror and squealed "No, no, no! It's worse than yesterday. All over my head and down my back." She sat down and looked closer "And look Nat, a bald spot. No two. I can't even cover them up, make up just makes it worse."

Y/N spent the whole day stressing even more than she had been, scared that Bucky would be disgusted by her condition. The itch was making her crazy and nothing was helping, all her usual tricks only seemed to exacerbate the problem.

Her phone rang and she saw it was Bucky "Hey Buck" she answered "You almost here? FRIDAY said tonite but it's not even lunch time."

Bucky chuckled and she felt her insides flutter. "Not yet, doll but I couldn't wait to hear your voice. Feels like forever. I can't wait to see you, hold you. We should land around 4"

She smiled, excited to see him too "Any injuries I should know about?"

"Not me this time, Sam is a little beat up but nothing serious"

"I'll make something for dinner. Any requests?"

Bucky growled lowly "What I want has nothing to do with food doll. I can't wait to show you how bad I've missed you."

Her stomach dropped "Oh well I missed you too. You should probably get a good meal and some rest before, you know, anything else."

Bucky sounded concerned "Is everything alright Doll? You sound stressed. Are you ok?"

She forced a small laugh "Of course, baby. I'm just excited to see you."

"Well, make sure you take a nap after lunch. You're gonna need your strength. Good thing tomorrow is Sunday so we can sleep late.

I'll see you soon, beautiful"

"Bye Bucky"

Y/N spent the day doing chores and trying not to worry too much about Bucky coming home. Even took a nap after lunch, she needed it more than he could know. When she woke up her head was clearer so she showered and then went to make dinner for the team. She picked spaghetti since it was easy to make for a large group. She left the sauce to simmer and had noodles and garlic bread ready to go when they landed.

She went to the hangar to meet the team after changing into a long sleeved shirt and long skirt with a headband covering the rash that had gone past her hairline.

She stood humming and bouncing with excitement and nerves. A little yelp slipped out when she first saw him. He looked tired and dirty but broke out in a huge grin as soon as he saw her.

Y/N ran and threw herself into his arms, he squeezed her tight and buried his head in her hair, breathing her in. "Damn I missed you doll. Felt like forever."

She pulled back so she could kiss him "Same sarge, this dump ain't the same without you"

Bucky smiled while Tony was offended "Dump? You got a lot of nerve there Y/L/N" and strode away grumbling.

Bucky set her down "Come on doll, let me go get a shower"

She kissed him again "Ok, I'll get dinner finished and meet you in the kitchen."

The entire team minus Clint sat at the table as Y/N brought all the food out. She looked at everyone "I hope I made enough pasta"

Bucky smiled "It smells delicious, doll."

She smiled back at him, his smile still gave her butterflies, she couldn't understand how someone like him was into her. She felt like he's way out of her league. Especially with her skin acting up.

After dinner she offered everyone brownies, special or plain. Bucky grabbed her, threw her over his shoulder and grabbed a couple of brownies "Night all, I need some alone time with my girl."

When they got to his room he tossed her onto the bed and climbed on top of her "Do you have any idea how badly I missed you Y/N? Sam was getting tired of me talking in my sleep."

He gently grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her in to kiss him. She tensed when his hand rubbed her neck and he pulled back, noting that the normally soft skin felt dry and crusty "Is everything ok baby? Am I hurting you?" He rubbed her neck gently.

Y/N felt her skin heat up "No Buck, you didn't hurt me. It's just this skin thing that I get. I know it's nasty, I understand if you dont want to touch me." She looked away.

Bucky sighed and gently turned her face to him. She could see the sadness and sincerity in his stormy blue eyes. "Y/N, I always want to touch you but not if it hurts. I never want to hurt you." He kissed her softly "Why didn't you tell me?"

She shrugged "It's gross and embarrassing. People look at me like I have the plague. I haven't had a flare in over a year but stress can bring it on."

Bucky kissed her again and pulled her close "What are you stressed about? Has Betty been on your case again? I can talk to Tony about her if you want."

She giggled "No, that's not it even though she really is awful. Besides, Tony likes me better than you so I could talk to him myself if it was that bad."

"Then what doll?"

Y/N squeezed him and let herself drown in his presence. "I just missed you and was worried. Everything feels so empty without you here."

Bucky kissed her forehead "I know what you mean doll, Sam just isn't as good company as you are."

He held her for a few minutes before a thought crossed his mind. He kissed her on the lips then pulled back to look her in the eyes. "You know what I've heard is a great stress reliever?"

She shook her head "No, what?"

Buckys eyes darkened and he smirked "Orgasms"

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky barnes x reader #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes x you #skin deep #psoriasis

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kallie-den · 1 year ago

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A Commanding Weakness Ch. 2

The ship's doctor investigates what's been going on with Captain Vasser - but when her about the captain start coming to life, will she be able to resist Wasp's trap?

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---

There was something weird going on with Captain Vasser.

That was the starting point Doctor Yuzuko Hiraga kept coming back to, as she anxiously reviewed her notes whilst waiting for the captain to come and visit her in the Inyx’s medbay. It wasn’t a lot to go on, frustratingly, but it was a conviction that had been growing within her ever since she’d caught sight of Captain Vasser leaving the holodeck a week before. She’d tried to dismiss the feeling a hundred times, but she just couldn’t. Deep down, she knew it.

There was something weird going on with Captain Vasser.

She had seemed so unlike herself when Dr. Hiraga had seen her that day, overstaying on her holo-rec time. For one, the captain she knew would never, ever lose track of time. She was far too strict, especially with herself. And for another, Captain Vasser wouldn’t be caught dead looking so messy and disheveled. Even that could have been dismissed as a rare, momentary lapse, but what truly bothered Dr. Hiraga was how she had seemed so oblivious to it. It was as if she'd been in some kind of strange daze.

It wasn’t normal and it wasn’t right. As the ship’s doctor, Dr. Hiraga needed to get to the bottom of it - but discreetly. The last thing she wanted was to publicly undermine Captain Vasser.

And so, she had privately asked Captain Vasser to attend a medical appointment in the hopes that she could get a feel for what was wrong.

Dr. Hiraga adjusted her thick-rimmed glasses one more time, and then tried to sit still behind her desk and look like she had been in the middle of something unimportant.

With a muted, familiar hiss, the medbay’s doors slid open, and through them walked Captain Yvonne Vasser, looking as formidable as ever in her neat, perfectly-tailored uniform.

“Doctor,” the captain said, favoring Dr. Hiraga with a small smile. “Let’s make this quick, shall we?”

“Of course, captain.”

Dr. Hiraga beckoned for Captain Vasser to take a seat. Seeing her like this, it was all but impossible to imagine her as anything other than an invulnerable pillar of dignity and professionalism. Her hair was, as usual, in a stern ponytail, and her gaze betrayed no hint of the nerves and anxiety Dr. Hiraga was used to seeing in her patients.

It was almost enough to make her doubt herself. Nothing was ever wrong with Captain Vasser, right? Simply being in her presence was a comfort. Dr. Hiraga knew that some of the Inyx’s crew were afraid of her. They thought of her as a haughty, terrifyingly-perfect, disciplinarian robot of a captain. But to Dr. Hiraga, Captain Vasser was simply perfect.

“So,” Captain Vasser began, “what’s this all about?”

Dr. Hiraga adjusted her glasses nervously. “I’ve decided to set up some appointments with the senior crew. We all know it’s been a long tour out here on the rim, chasing after Wasp. There’s a lot of pressure on officers like Lieutenant Kuznetzov and Chief Carter to not let standards slip. I thought it might be helpful to discuss mental health and wellness in a professional context.”

“That’s very diligent, doctor,” Captain Vasser commented approvingly.

“T-thank you.” Dr. Hiraga’s heart skipped a beat, and she silently prayed that she wasn’t blushing. “So, um, I thought: where better to start than the captain?”

“How thoughtful.” Captain Vasser laughed politely. “But I’m afraid I don’t think we’ll have much to talk about.”

When Captain Vasser laughed like that, her whole face lit up. Her eyes sparkled. To Dr. Hiraga, it was a rare, precious moment, like catching a sunset. Captain Vasser never let her guard down around her subordinates, but with a doctor, in a private setting, it was a little different. It made Dr. Hiraga feel blessed, and she had to pause to bask in the moment.

The feeling it gave her, though, was also an uncomfortable reminder of why she felt so conflicted about what she was doing.

Dr. Hiraga had a massive crush on Captain Vasser.

It was embarrassing. Mortifying. Completely and totally unprofessional. What kind of doctor developed feelings for someone under her care? Worse, the captain of her ship! There were a hundred reasons nothing would ever come of it even if Captain Vasser returned her affections - which would have been nothing short of a miracle, Dr. Hiraga was sure. She was just a boring doctor. How would she ever catch the eye of a woman like Captain Vasser?

Her feelings made navigating situations like these difficult, to say the least. It was difficult to act like a professional when simply being in Captain Vasser’s presence reduced the doctor to a blushing schoolgirl. She was thirty-four, for goodness’ sake! She needed to pull herself together.

And, more pointedly, it made her seriously worried about her professional judgment when she was considering prying into Captain Vasser’s personal affairs.

“Doctor?” Captain Vasser ventured.

Dr. Hiraga started nervously when she realized she’d been zoning out. She tried to cover her blush by adjusting her glasses. “Yes! Um… well, that is, I wanted to ask… have you been feeling alright recently?”

Captain Vasser smiled politely at her. “Yes, of course.”

“Nothing on your mind?” Dr. Hiraga prompted hopefully. “Nothing’s bothering you? Nothing you’d care to get off your chest?”

Captain Vasser shook her head. “I’m perfectly fine, doctor.”

Dr. Hiraga paused for a moment to judge her next move. It was very tempting to just let the whole thing go, but she knew her curiosity would keep eating at her.

“Captain, please don’t take this the wrong way,” she began hesitantly, “but I happened to notice that you’ve been spending an awful lot of time in the holodeck recently. That’s your right, of course. It’s your ship. But… it’s unusual for you. And sometimes, when I see crew members doing this, it can be an indication of serious stress. Of trying to get away from reality.”

Dr. Hiraga couldn’t bear to continue. She just hoped the captain wasn’t too angry at her. Mercifully, though, Captain Vasser just cocked an eyebrow, amused.

“Been checking the holodeck logs, have we, doctor?” she asked.

Dr. Hiraga blushed. “W-well, in this instance, it’s simply part of my job. I didn’t mean to-“

“It’s quite alright.” Captain Vasser held up a hand. “There’s no harm in seeing who’s using the holodeck. It’s not as though you can see what they’re doing with it. And I understand your intentions. Doctor, any ship would be lucky to have a medical officer with your level of care and attention.”

Dr. Hiraga’s blush deepened, although her joy at being complimented by the captain was undercut by her guilt at how dishonest she was being.

“In my case, though, it’s nothing to worry about,” Captain Vasser continued. “I’ve just been sinking my teeth into a little project lately. I thought it would be wise to pick up a hobby, especially since it’s been so long since our last encounter with the hacker we’re chasing. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“O-oh, right,” Doctor Hiraga replied. “Y-yes, of course. Very, um, healthy.”

She felt like a fool. A new hobby? That made perfect sense. It was obvious, really. She’d probably been worrying about nothing.

“So, will there be anything else?” Captain Vasser asked.

“No, I don’t think so.” Dr. Hiraga tried to put on a brave face and maintain her professional demeanor, smiling as the two of them stood. “I just wanted to check in, that’s all. Although please remember: my door is always open, captain.”

“Thank you, doctor,” Captain Vasser replied warmly, before leaving medbay to return to her duties.

Dr. Hiraga sighed as she sank back down into her chair. What was she going to do now?

Hours later, at the end of her duty shift, Captain Vasser was still playing on Dr. Hiraga’s mind. At first, her explanation seemed to clear everything up, but now the doctor wasn’t so sure. A new hobby didn’t explain why she’d looked so disheveled and acted so strangely that day she’d seen the captain leaving the holodeck. It was such a small thing, but Dr. Hiraga couldn’t quite let it go. Her gut was telling her something. There had to be an explanation. A reason. There had to be.

It was still tormenting her when, just as she was leaving medbay, the communicator she wore on her chest started to beep.

She tapped the badge at once, fully alert. “This is the doctor. Is there a medical emergency?”

“No, doctor, don’t worry.” The sound of the captain’s voice sent a chill down Dr. Hiraga’s spine. “I know you’ve just come off duty, and I was actually hoping you might be able to do me a small favor. In a… personal capacity.”

Dr. Hiraga’s heart skipped a beat. “O-of course!”

“Wonderful,” Captain Vasser said over the communicator. “Then, could you please come to the holodeck? I’d like to show you what I’ve been working on.”

“Oh! Um. Yes, absolutely.” Another heartbeat skipped. “I’ll be right there.”

“Thank you.” The captain closed the channel.

Dr. Hiraga couldn’t believe what had just happened. A personal invitation? From the captain? It was like a dream come true. And from the sounds of it, all her questions were about to be answered.

But that wasn’t truly what was getting her secret hopes up. Rather, it was the way Captain Vasser’s voice had been filled with a kind of breathy, intimate urgency Dr. Hiraga had never heard before.

It had sounded, in a word, like flirting.

Dr. Hiraga couldn’t quite bring herself to believe it. But it did put a little frisk in her step as she headed over to the nearest turbolift as quickly as she could.

As the turbolift carried her through the Inyx and toward the holodeck, Dr. Hiraga took a moment to inspect her reflection in one of the metal walls. She wanted to look good for the captain, even if it was nothing more than a friendly invitation. Unfortunately, the long duty shift had taken its toll. Dr. Hiraga was tired, and looked it. Her point of pride was her long, silky hair, which she always wore up in a fetching crown braid, but by now more than a few hairs were coming loose, and there was no time to do anything more than try to tuck them away out of sight. People said her big eyes, the color of chocolate, were pretty, but they said that about everyone. Dr. Hiraga wished she had time to run back to her quarters and put on a little makeup, but it wouldn’t do to keep the captain waiting.

The sound of the turbolift door opening made the doctor jump, and she blushed even though nobody was there. That was a relief. It wouldn’t do for the crew to see her preening like that. Dr. Hiraga hurried out of the lift and walked over to the holodeck.

She presented herself to the door, but it appeared to be locked. After taking one last moment to adjust her glasses and muster her courage, she tapped her badge. “Captain? I’m here.”

There was no reply, but the door slid open.

As Dr. Hiraga walked into the holodeck and crossed the threshold of the holographic projection playing within, she heard the door close and lock behind her. That was unusual, but Dr. Hiraga was immediately and completely distracted by the situation she found herself in.

It was a perfect recreation of the captain’s quarters.

It had to be. It was clearly still the Inyx, and on a ship like that only the captain would have quarters as spacious as these. There was something disorienting about walking into a holodeck and finding yourself in just another part of the starship, but even more surprising than that was the mood.

The lights were dim and warm. There was some low, swinging music playing from hidden speakers. The bed was prominent, and its freshly-made sheets were scattered with rose petals.

There was no mistaking it. This was romantic.

Dr. Hiraga immediately started panicking.

“Welcome, doctor,” said Captain Vasser. “Thank you for coming.”

She was emerging from the bathroom, and the way she looked made Dr. Hiraga’s jaw drop. Captain Vasser’s hair was down, which Dr. Hiraga had never seen before. It made her look shockingly casual. She was out of her uniform too, which was another first. Even better, she was wearing a very long gown wrapped tight around her body, all the way up to her neck. Dr. Hiraga couldn’t tell if she was wearing anything underneath, and the garment looked tantalizingly easy to unravel.

Dr. Hiraga’s cheeks started to burn. This was a fantasy come to life, but it made her feel as anxious as it did elated. This was exactly a fantasy come to life. A specific fantasy, one that Dr. Hiraga had played out in her mind’s eye again and again. But that was impossible.

“C-captain,” Dr. Hiraga replied awkwardly, struggling to keep calm. “Um…what can I do for you? Is it something medical?”

She couldn’t assume anything, no matter how obvious it seemed. The last thing the doctor wanted was to make a fool of herself.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Captain Vasser replied playfully. “Can’t you guess?”

Dr. Hiraga’s cheeks were burning. “I-I’m afraid not.”

Captain Vasser laughed. “Let’s not beat around the bush. You and I - we have a connection, don’t we?”

The doctor’s eyes went wide. She knew that line. She knew it because she’d programmed it herself. Months ago, in a moment of absolute shame and unbearable yearning, she’d started working on a holodeck scenario that would have allowed her to play out some of her fantasies with the captain. She’d never gone through with it, of course. It had felt far too disrespectful to Captain Vasser. But she’d never quite gotten around to deleting the half-completed files either.

But this Captain Vasser wasn’t a hologram. The scenario wasn’t functional. It had never been finished. This was real.

Dr. Hiraga struggled to find the words to respond as she fought to wrap her mind around that. “W-well, um, yes, I mean, I’ve always felt we work well together, speaking as two professionals, and-“

“Oh, doctor.” Captain Vasser cut her off with a low chuckle. “I’m not talking about anything professional, I can assure you.”

Another line from her holodeck scenario. That had to mean something, but Dr. Hiraga was too flustered to figure out what.

“Then…” she ventured nervously, unable to keep the hope out of her voice.

Captain Vasser took a few slow, swaying steps toward her. “You know, doctor, I’ve always admired you.”

“I’ve always admired you too,” Dr. Hiraga replied hopelessly. “I mean you’re so… just… wow.”

“Thank you,” Captain Vasser purred. Hearing her purr like that was unbelievable. “And so are you. In fact, I just can’t hold myself back any longer.”

That was another line from her holodeck scenario, but Dr. Hiraga was so caught up in the fantasy, she barely noticed. “You can’t?”

Captain Vasser nodded, and moved closer. “You’re lovely, doctor.”

Dr. Hiraga couldn’t keep the dumb grin from her face. “I… oh my goodness, just hearing you say that is….”

Captain Vasser stepped closer still - close enough that she could reach up and stroke her fingertips along the doctor’s burning cheek. The warmth of her touch was further confirmation. This was real, even if it was still a virtual mirror of what Dr. Hiraga had half-programmed into the holodeck.

“Do you feel the same way about me?” the captain asked.

“Yes!” Dr. Hiraga blurted out. “God yes. You’re… captain, you’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever known. And… I can’t believe how beautiful you look.”

“Thank you.” Captain Vasser grinned. She took hold of Dr. Hiraga’s arm and started to guide her, gently but commandingly, over to her bed. “Then, what are we waiting for?”

Dr. Hiraga let out a nervous giggle. Her head was spinning. “W-wait! Um… not that I don’t want to, but… isn’t this… a little fast?”

That was half of what she was thinking. The other half was all about her fantasies. The ones she had tentatively added into her holodeck scenario before chickening out. The secret, shameful fetishistic ones she’d never shared with anyone else. Dr. Hiraga couldn’t help but glance down at Captain Vasser’s body, hidden under her long gown. Was she wearing anything underneath? It was impossible to tell.

“Are you really going to tell me you don’t want this?” Captain Vasser replied, an undiminishable smile on her face. Despite her protest, Dr. Hiraga couldn’t help moving with her toward the bed.

“I do!” Dr. Hiraga insisted. “I do, I promise. M-more than anything. But… aren’t there rules about this? Fraternization, chain of command, acceptable power dynamics…”

“I’m the captain,” Captain Vasser said firmly. “The Inyx is my ship. I make the rules. I’ll take care of it all. Whatever it takes.”

Hearing that was like a drug. Whatever her reservations, Dr. Hiraga couldn’t help but lose herself to the moment. She didn’t resist as Captain Vasser guided her to sit down on the edge of her bed.

The captain remained standing directly in front of her. It was a flustering reminder of their considerable height difference. Up close, Captain Vasser’s body was even more stunning. She had aged gracefully into her thirties, and it was obvious that she kept herself in ferociously good shape.

Again, Dr. Hiraga’s thoughts drifted to sinful places. Was the captain naked beneath her gown? That would have been a dream, and yet the doctor couldn’t help but wish for something else instead.

“Doctor,” Captain Vasser said. Her voice commanded the doctor’s attention effortlessly, but it was different from the voice she used when she was giving orders from the bridge. It was secret. Intimate. “Do you want me?”

Dr. Hiraga knew that if she said ‘yes’, there would be no turning back. She wanted that more than anything in the world. And yet the old adage rang in her ears: if something seems too good to be true, it probably is. The captain wasn’t acting normally. Perhaps she hadn’t been for weeks. If something was truly wrong with her, as Dr. Hiraga had been suspecting, it wouldn’t be right to take advantage.

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” she replied regretfully. “I promise, with all my heart, that I do. But… I want to do this properly. Let’s take it a little slower, OK?”

She braced herself for the worst. For anger. For rejection. What Dr. Hiraga wasn’t ready for, though, was for Captain Vasser to simply reach down, untie the belt of her gown, and shrug it off from her shoulders.

Dr. Hiraga gasped when she saw what the captain had on underneath.

From her neck all the way down to her ankles and her wrists, Captain Vasser was wearing a black bodysuit. It was perfectly skintight; it hugged her mature curves close and left absolutely nothing to the imagination. There was no mistaking its eroticism. Seeing anyone like that would have made Dr. Hiraga stare; seeing the captain, of all people, like that had her completely dumbstruck.

But it wasn’t the form of the bodysuit that truly made the doctor’s mouth water, and drove every last thought out of her head. It was the material. The bodysuit was made of black, shiny rubber, polished to such a mirror sheen that it reflected each one of the holodeck’s dim lights in bright shapes that contoured perfectly to the curves of Captain Vasser’s body. Dr. Hiraga had seen bodysuits like this before - in fantasy and pornography, if not reality - and she recognized it immediately.

It was latex.

Dr. Hiraga’s love of latex was her deepest secret. Her greatest fetish. She’d never told anyone about it. Exploring kinks was difficult for someone in her profession - a starship doctor, working for the Alliance - and she had always struggled to imagine how to articulate her feelings. Compared to the kinds of fantasies that other people had, fetishizing a simple clothing material seemed strange. Abstract, almost.

But that didn’t stop her craving for it from being all-consuming.

“Do you like it, doctor?” Captain Vasser asked, a strange smile on her face. “I can see that you do.”

Dr. Hiraga nodded dumbly. She could scarcely believe this. Did the captain, her crush, of all people, secretly share her kink? That was too much. It was impossible. And yet…

Captain Vasser leaned closer. “Would you like to touch it?” she whispered.

Dr. Hiraga’s nodding turned furious. She needed to, desperately.

Captain Vasser stretched out her arm, offering it to the breathless doctor.

Hand trembling, Dr. Hiraga reached out and touched the captain’s latex-coated forearm. Immediately, she gasped. That first little touch was like a baptism. The rubber was impossibly, alluringly smooth, and the way it flexed, just slightly, under pressure, wrapping the light around her fingertip in a golden halo, was mesmerizing. Dr. Hiraga was in awe. It was even better than she’d always dreamed.

But the best part of all was that it was real. You couldn’t do this with hardlight holograms. They couldn’t quite get the texture just right. Dr. Hiraga knew. She’d tried, when she’d attempted to program something just like this into her secret, shameful little holodeck fantasy involving the captain.

And now, all of that was coming true.

“Oh my god,” Dr. Hiraga breathed. “I can’t believe… it’s so…”

“Why stop there?” Captain Vasser’s voice was breathy and low, her commanding tones made into a cougar’s purr. “I’m all yours.”

She stepped even closer, so close she was practically straddling Dr. Hiraga’s lap. The captain reached down and took hold of the stunned doctor’s wrists and guided them onto her body - one to her chest, perilously close to her breasts, the other around to cup her ass.

Dr. Hiraga didn’t resist. She didn’t protest. She was beyond that. She wasn’t thinking about medical propriety, or professionalism, or Alliance military regulations about fraternization. She was just thinking about her captain’s body, and how it looked wrapped in this amazing, shiny rubber. Every touch was freshly intoxicating, and left her needing more.

Her fingers moved. She found herself touching, reaching, groping. She couldn’t help it. The way the latex felt as it moved beneath her fingertips was ecstasy. Dr. Hiraga wanted nothing more than to keep going. To keep touching. To keep admiring Captain Vasser like this. To lose herself in the moment forever.

Worries about what was real and how this was possible were the furthest things from her mind. If this was a dream, she decided, she simply wanted to go on dreaming forever.

“Mmmff,” Captain Vasser purred, as Dr. Hiraga explored her latex-clad body. “This feels amazing, doctor. You have no idea. I’m so glad I can share this with you.”

“M-me… t-too…” Dr. Hiraga whimpered. Her whole body was on fire. She couldn’t control herself. She was overwhelmed.

Captain Vasser stood over her, legs slightly apart, back arched as she presented herself obscenely for Dr. Hiraga's attention. The doctor couldn’t look away. In the low, intimate light, even the slightest move Captain Vasser made as she breathed or adjusted her position made shimmers race across the surface of her bodysuit. It was the most beautiful thing Dr. Hiraga had ever seen. The woman she admired most, in the fetish gear that drove her crazy. She couldn’t imagine a better model for her adored latex.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” Captain Vasser murmured, as if to herself. “Sometimes I feel like I could stare at it for hours.”

Dr. Hiraga nodded in agreement, spellbound.

“It does something wonderful to me,” Captain Vasser confessed, in a low, soothing voice. “It’s like my mind goes blank. Like I can’t think. Like I don’t want to think.”

“Yeah…” Dr. Hiraga breathed. It was exactly like that.

"It’s such a relief, for women like us,” Captain Vasser mused. “We lead such stressful lives, don’t we? We’re both responsible for so many people, here on the Inyx. There are no days off for us. Not really. And that makes anything that can help us to switch off our minds even more blissful.”

Dr. Hiraga nodded. She’d never quite thought about it like that, but now that her captain was saying it, it made perfect sense. This was blissful.

“Just look at it, in the light,” Captain Vasser went on. “Look at the latex. Look at how it reflects the light when I move.” She flexed her arm, demonstrating. “Every time, it’s like a new pattern. A new work of art. Couldn’t you just lose yourself to it?”

“Mhm,” Dr. Hiraga murmured. Speaking seemed like it would take too much effort. The doctor was completely, singularly focused on the latex Captain Vasser was wearing.

“And the sensation,” Captain Vasser went on, “that’s even better, isn’t it? Even more blissful. Even more relaxing. Keep touching, doctor. I want you to touch me.”

Dr. Hiraga was obeying her without even thinking about it. She fell into a rhythm, moving her hands back and forth, up and down, along Captain Vasser’s body.

“Yes, just like that,” Captain Vasser said approvingly. Her approval felt like a warm glow. “Focus, doctor. Focus on how it feels under your fingertips. So smooth. So sleek. Isn’t there something incredibly relaxing about just touching it?”

“Y… yeah…” Dr. Hiraga sighed. There really was. Losing herself to the sensation was effortless.

“That’s right.” Captain Vasser nodded. “No need to think. No need to speak. Only touch. Only feel. Only relax.”

Now that she was so completely focused, every part of Dr. Hiraga’s body was starting to feel heavy and limp. It didn’t bother her. It barely registered. She was totally relaxed.

“Let your breathing get nice and slow for me,” Captain Vasser urged. Her voice was so soothing and so authoritative. Listening to her was effortless. “It’ll help you to relax. You want that, don’t you, doctor? To relax?”

Dr. Hiraga just nodded slowly.

“Then listen to me,” Captain Vasser told her. “I’ll guide you. Breathing slowly. Sinking. Relaxing. Allowing my latex to lull you into a nice, deep, relaxed state. You’re already so close. I promise you, it’s going to feel wondrous.”

Dr. Hiraga felt a little like she was falling asleep. Her vision was starting to blur and telescope, and everything was starting to fade. Everything except for her captain’s words. Those were as vivid as ever, and she couldn’t help but obey.

“I think you’re ready, doctor,” Captain Vasser whispered. “I’m sure you know what a trance is. On my count of three, you’re going to slip into a trance for me. Are you ready?”

Dr. Hiraga nodded again. She wasn’t thinking.

“Three,” Captain Vasser counted. “Two. One. And… zero. Sink for me, doctor.”

As soon as she counted ‘zero’, the doctor went slack. She felt like a puppet whose strings had just been cut. She felt nothing.

Captain Vasser fell silent as she watched the hypnotized doctor. Then, a few moments later, across the holographic room, the air started to ripple. After a moment more, the ripple resolved itself into a figure: a hardlight hologram of a short woman in punk clothing, with dyed, vivid green, side-shaven hair and an unbelievably smug, shit-eating grin.

It was Wasp. The vandal-hacker the Inyx was supposed to be in pursuit of.

“Wow,” she remarked. “That was fucking hot.”

At her appearance, Captain Vasser started swaying not so differently from how the hypnotized Dr. Hiraga was swaying. Wasp noticed that at once.

“Hey, captain,” she said, grin impossibly wide. “At attention, babe.”

Captain Vasser immediately snapped to attention, her spine perfectly stiff and upright. All the emotion drained from her face, and she turned towards Wasp and offered the hacker a crisp, military salute.

Wasp laughed. “Fuck. I never get tired of making her do that.”

Something flickered in Dr. Hiraga’s eyes as she watched Wasp defile her beloved captain’s dignity. Deep down she was struggling to rouse herself, but she had fallen so very far.

Wasp seemed to notice Dr. Hiraga’s faint comprehension. She waltzed over to the doctor and struck a theatrical pose.

“Surprised?” she asked. “I’m sure you know who I am. Let me give you the cliff notes: I’ve been in your ship’s systems for a while, and in your captain’s head for just as long. I exploited all her naughty little fantasies about hypnosis and domination - exactly like she just did to you.”

Dr. Hiraga whimpered and twitched. She still couldn’t think or rouse her heavy limbs.

“She’s a lot more shameless about them than you,” Wasp commented. “Made whole libraries of her wet dreams right here on the holodeck. You couldn’t bring yourself to finish one single scenario. Good taste, though! Latex? That’s fun. And the captain? She really is a dish, isn’t she? When she told me you were onto us, I just had to go for it.”

Wasp licked her lips as she glanced thoughtfully between her victims.

“I hope getting to have a little fun with her was as good as you’d imagined,” she added. “And, who knows? Maybe I’ll let you two have some more fun together. I’m sure Vasser here will be nice and eager.”

At that, Dr. Hiraga stirred. Something about Wasp’s words offended her. Captain Vasser would never be eager. Not her. This was all Wasp, forcing her. Captain Vasser had always looked after her crew fiercely.

“Nnhgg…” she managed, her tongue drooling out of her mouth. “Nnnottt…”

“Awwww, wow!” Wasp simply giggled at her predicament. “So loyal! You really are down bad for her. I’d hoped so. Those old, buried, half-finished holodeck files of yours made it clear that you have such a high opinion of your captain.” She bent at the hips, putting her face menacingly close to the doctor’s. “But I’ve got bad news for you, doc: she really was very, very eager.”

Wasp waltzed around behind Captain Vasser, still frozen like a statue in her saluting pose. Under the guidance of Wasp’s hands, though, she spread her legs and did nothing to resist as Wasp carefully unzipped the front of her latex bodysuit between her thighs. And when Wasp’s hand plunged underneath the rubber and started molesting her, the captain shuddered with unmistakable pleasure.

Dr. Hiraga went completely still. The sight of the criminal they were hunting groping the captain she adored was ghoulish. But, despite herself, she was still mercilessly aroused. She couldn’t help it. She couldn’t stop admiring the latex.

Wasp gave herself a few long moments to enjoy the experience, before pulling away and holding up her hand for Dr. Hiraga to inspect.

Her fingertips were dripping wet. Captain Vasser was unbelievably turned on from what she’d just done to her ship’s doctor.

Dr. Hiraga let out a low, pitiful moan.

“I guess I’m the only one around here who knows what Captain Vasser is really like,” Wasp giggled. “See, she’s not just a girl with a wild side. She’s a real freak. It goes all the way to her bones. For her, the more twisted the better. I should know; I’ve perused all her favorites. And let me tell you: being hypnotized and forced to betray someone who trusts her? That does it for our girl like nothing else.”

Dr. Hiraga wanted to deny it, but even if she’d been able to muster the words, they would have sounded hollow. Captain Vasser’s wetness spoke for itself. So did the telltale blush of arousal in her cheeks.

The doctor was sure that, on some level, Captain Vasser hated what was happening. But on another, she clearly loved it.

“You’re almost as much of a freak, though,” Wasp monologued to the helpless doctor. “Just a little more repressed. But like I said, good taste. Once I had her synthesize her new latex, I couldn’t get over it. Fuck, who knew the straight-laced cap would look so good?”

She started groping Captain Vasser all over, her hands gripping and tugging and squeezing as she roamed over the captain’s body. The way Wasp groped her was nothing like Dr. Hiraga’s slow, careful, reverent touch. Glee glinted in the hacker’s eyes as she mauled Captain Vasser's tits and slapped her ass, all while the hypnotized captain responded with nothing more than a blush and a faint whimper. The level of control Wasp wielded over her was terrifying, and it was clear she absolutely loved getting to show it off for an audience.

“Don’t worry,” Wasp jeered, catching the faint look in Dr. Hiraga’s blank eyes. “She’s enjoying herself! Aren’t you, babe?”

Captain Vasser didn’t reply.

“Aw, c’mon.” Wasp feigned a pout and giggled. “Trust me, I can tell she’s practically creaming herself. Hey, captain! Show the doc how much fun you’re having. Smile for us. Nice and bright. That’s an order.”

Dr. Hiraga failed to suppress a rush of arousal as she watched Captain Vasser’s entire face light up in a broad, bright grin. The expression was so obviously artificial as to be ghoulish, and the way it didn’t reach her blank, entranced eyes made the captain look almost goofy. But nonetheless, especially with the way she was blushing, it gave her the look of someone caught in a moment of eager, stupid, mind-breaking pleasure.

Given what she was wearing, Dr. Hiraga couldn’t help but find the spectacle incredibly, unbearably hot.

“Perfect!” Wasp drawled. She slipped her hand back into the unzipped portion of Captain Vasser’s bodysuit and pushed two of her hardlight fingertips into the captain’s cunt. “Hey, let’s finish the look. Cap, throw up a double peace sign. I know you know what that is. That’s an order.”

Captain Vasser shuddered and moaned faintly as Wasp thrust inside her, but she nonetheless obeyed, lifting both of her hands up and forming a V-shape with her fingertips. Then, when Wasp added another finger, she gasped and her tongue lolled out of her mouth.

In that pose, with that expression on her face, wearing skin-tight latex, she no longer looked anything like the proud, dignified starship captain Dr. Hiraga had always known. Captain Vasser looked defiled. She looked pornographic. She looked like a twisted wet dream come to life.

And it was Dr. Hiraga’s wet dream.

She didn’t want to be, but she was unbelievably horny. She couldn’t tell if her latex fetish was just that strong, or if the hypnosis was simply clouding her mind beyond all sense - or, worse, if some part of her actually liked seeing Captain Vasser this way. Whatever the reason, all she could do was hope Wasp didn’t bother to check how wet she was under her uniform.

Wasp was clearly feeling none of the dread or guilt that haunted Dr. Hiraga. Her eyes were alight with a manic thrill as she played with the two older, military women like they were nothing more than dolls. Her wicked grin just kept widening and widening, and her whole body throbbed with enraptured arousal. There was no hint of remorse or restraint. As Dr. Hiraga fought, still, to rouse herself, a horrifying realization started to dawn on her.

Wasp was here, in the Inyx’s systems. She had control over Captain Vasser - and now her, the ship’s doctor. The kind of damage a person like her could do from this position was unthinkable.

“W-what…” Dr. Hiraga murmured. “What… are y-you going… to do… t-to us?”

Wasp looked at her and giggled - and then shrugged, which was somehow the worst part. “Doc, I have absolutely no idea! I’m not really a grand planner. More of an improvisational type. But now that you mention it…”

She reached out and stroked a fingertip along Dr. Hiraga’s cheek. The doctor shivered, but she was still too deeply hypnotized to pull away.

“Just imagining all the things I can do with the Inyx’s trusted doctor under my control,” Wasp whispered, “gets me so - fucking - hot.”

Dr. Hiraga shivered.

“I w-won’t…” she tried to protest. “You c-can’t… ma-“

“Oh, shhh.” Wasp pressed a finger to the doctor’s lips. That was all it took to topple her crumbling willpower. “Don’t worry, babe. You won’t have a choice. Captain Vasser? At ease. Let’s finish this.”

She stepped back. A little life and feeling returned to Captain Vasser’s face and she dropped her hands, but she didn’t quite stop grinning, and she seemed completely oblivious to the way she was dripping her own wetness down her thighs.

“Nice and relaxed, doctor,” Captain Vasser murmured in that soothing voice of hers, as if nothing had happened. Dr. Hiraga couldn’t tell if she even knew Wasp was there. “Keep looking at me. At my latex. Look at the way the light shimmers. Breathe nice and deep.”

Dr. Hiraga couldn’t help but listen, and within moments she was once again completely mesmerized. There was nothing she could do but let her eyes lose focus from staring at the gorgeous rubber, as her conscious mind and free will finally slipped into the darkness.

—

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#story #CommandingWeakness

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snowdice · 3 months ago

Text

Folds in Paper: Book 2 (Chapter 3: Peel It Up and See What's Underneath) [Folds in Time Universe]

Fandom: Sander Sides

Relationships: Janus/Patton, Remus & Roman, Logan/Virgil, Roman & Patton & Logan

Characters: Janus, Patton, Emile, Remus, Roman, Logan, Virgil, Remy

Summary: Janus is trying. After spending months trapped in time with his enemy turned... something else, Janus is trying to find meaning in a world where he or anyone else could rewrite history with one simple mistake.

During his leave from the Time Preservation Initiative, the time distortions that have been causing disastrous ripples in time have not gone anywhere. His partner's past is more mysterious than ever and old and new alliances are shifting. Can Janus figure out what is going wrong with time before that time is up?

The problem with time travel… you never how long you have before the clock strikes 12.

Chapter Summary:

Things are harder, better, but harder.

Notes: Time travel AU, mystery, enemies to lovers, alcohol, sexual innuendo, character with depression, character with ptsd

This is a fic I’ve been writing on study breaks that you have probably all already seen at this point. I’ve slightly edited it for wording and grammar, but not for content from my previous posts. Feel free to send in asks to direct it because I’m not 100% sure where this is going and you can help decide if you feel so inclined! You can see the process I went through to build this at this link.

I also have a playlist on youtube (because Spotify didn’t have one of the songs I wanted).

Previous Book(s)

Book 2: Part 1 Part 2

They sat down in the living room. Janus let Emile have the entire couch and sat on one of the matching armchairs himself. There was a squeaky sound when he sat. The plastic covering the chair had been delivered in was still on it.

Emile had a pleasant, open but curious expression on his face and Janus suddenly had an idea what it felt like to be his patient.

“I,” Janus began after a moment, shifting uncomfortably on the squeaky chair. “I don’t know how to start this conversation. I talked about what I wanted to say and possible ways to say it with Dr. Figueroa, but I… I still don’t know. I guess I should start by saying that I did something horrible that I need to apologize for, and I’m not sure if apologizing will even be enough. The problem is you don’t even know what that horrible thing is.” Janus stared at his feet. “So, first, I should probably explain what I did. I just don’t know where to start.”

“Maybe start with what happened before it,” Emile suggested. “Just lead up to it. It might help explain why whatever it was happened too.”

Janus took a breath. “Okay,” he said. “That day was just like most. We both woke up early. I was going to the TPI and you were going to where you worked your residency. We ate leftover pizza for breakfast because both of us were exhausted. You because it sucks to be a resident and me because I’d been working on a big case. I was getting…frustrated with the case. That was my first mistake: being impatient and angry. It was just a thief, but a slippery one. She’d stolen a half-broken time piece and was using it to rob banks within about a 50-year time frame. I had an idea of where she might go, but no one would listen to me. Or at least,” Janus quirked a half smile, “that’s how I interpreted it. They said they’d look into my idea, but they were being extra cautious because of how close in the timestream her actions were to most of the agents’ lives. I was so tired of the case and so egotistical. I decided to check it out on my own without being cleared by the TPI. I went back in time without thinking of the consequences.”

Janus took a breath. “That was the worst thing I’ve ever done,” he continued. “I’m not sure how, but somewhere in the course of my self-appointed mission…” He trailed off. He didn’t know how to say it. He really didn’t

“What happened?” Emile asked when he didn’t continue.

“I…” and his next words probably sounded like crackly nonsense to Emile’s ears because he couldn’t get his thoughts straight. His tongue tangled around the shape of the words. “I don’t even remember living in that town or the fact that Mom used to work at that bank,” he choked out. “I didn’t think, and I didn’t check and…” There was a long silence. “I erased you,” he finally managed to say in a whisper, but in the quiet of his barely lived in house, the words were loud.

There was more silence. “But I…” Emile said after a moment.

“I went back and fixed it,” Janus said, “but I… didn’t do a perfect job. I don’t even know how much I messed things up. It would have been one thing if it’d just been me. If it had just impacted my life, but I did it to you and I don’t even know how to start to apologize.”

Nothing was said for a long moment. Janus didn’t look at him.

“…Huh,” Emile finally said.

Janus risked a glance at him. He didn’t look irate, but he did still look confused which was probably the reason for that.

“I’m sorry,” Janus said. It was really the only thing he could say at this point.

Emile tilted his head to the side. He took off his glasses and cleaned them with the edge of his shirt with slow circles. Since he was 15, Emile only cleaned his glasses with specially designed wipes, but he’d held onto the habit of cleaning his glasses with his shirt anytime he needed a moment to think. Janus wasn’t sure if Emile even realized he was doing it, but he knew it was a signal for Janus to be quiet for a few seconds.

The glasses were perched back on Emile’s nose after a few seconds. “I think I remember that,” he said contemplatively.

“…What?” Janus asked, and he was no longer avoiding looking at Emile. He was now blatantly staring at him.

“Well, I didn’t know what it was,” Emile said, “but I did have a very odd dream on the day you mentioned and suspiciously I had said dream in the middle of the day and woke standing up.”

“A dream?” Janus asked.

“A very vivid dream,” Emile said. “I don’t believe you actually erased me completely from existence. My life was simply shifted slightly. I was someone else working as a social worker someplace else for about 5 hours and then I was suddenly back in my appropriate place.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about that?” Janus asked, but then immediately winced at his own hypocrisy. “Er… never mind.”

“I didn’t know it was possibly real,” Emile said. “Honestly, I thought I was just really tired. I’d been overworking myself a lot. I took the rest of the day off after that.”

“You shifted reality for a few hours, and you didn’t realize it?” Janus asked.

“Like I said, I was really tired and nothing seemed to be wrong…”

“Wait, but things were different,” Janus said. “Didn’t you notice things were different.”

“Not… really,” Emile said. “Like what?”

“Like…” Janus said. “Like a whole bunch of things!”

“Like…?”

“Like you had a different job title and you worked different hours.”

“I thought I’d fallen asleep standing up or had a vivid audio-visual hallucination at work from stress. I asked for a switch a couple of weeks later.”

“You used to hate time travel, but then you took a job at the TPI.”

Emile gave him a droll look. “I still hate time travel,” he said. “I literally just said that not 5 minutes ago.”

“Well then why would you work for the TPI?”

“Because time travel is so confusing and distressing that people doing it on a regular basis as a career need psychological support. Plus, Lia asked for my consultation when developing the mental health part of the Agent Management Office,” Emile continued. “Considering I already knew quite a bit about time travel from being around you, she knew me personally, and I’d finished my residency, she decided to give me a job offer when my advice panned out.”

“W-well,” Janus said. “You were allergic to pineapples.”

“You mean my childhood allergy?” Emile asked. “That has since resolved itself in my adult life?”

“It has?” Janus asked.

“Janus have you considered,” Emile asked, “that some if not all of the inconsistencies you were seeing in my life had to do with the fact that you hadn’t spoken to me in 3 years?”

“I… uh… hadn’t considered that,” Janus admitted honestly.

“You were unconsciously looking for information to support your incorrect world view,” Emile said sounding very much like a head doctor and not like a brother, “and you found some.” He sighed. “It makes sense that after having faced a traumatic event where you essentially thought you’d killed a loved one that you weren’t thinking clearly.” The head doctor analysis voice slipped just a bit. “I just wish you’d talked about it with someone.”

“Sorry,” Janus said, because no matter which way this conversation had gone and no matter the revelations, the point was an apology. “I’m sorry.”

Emile sighed. “I would have forgiven you even if you had erased me,” Emile said. “You didn’t mean to, and you did your best to fix it. You did fix it even if you were an idiot about it.”

“What about for being an idiot and not talking to you for three years?” Janus asked.

“I already did forgive you for that Janus,” Emile said pointedly. “What did you think the last 6 months were?”

“Pity?”

Emile gave him his disappointed and exasperated headshake. “Promise to never do anything like that to me again,” he said, “and I’ll forgive you.”

“I promise,” Janus said immediately.

“And in the future, you’ll talk to me if you have any issue even if you think it’s horrible.”

“I think I’ve learned by lesson on that one.”

“And that goes for other people too,” Emile said. “If anything goes wrong with someone, you talk to them or if that’s too hard you talk to someone so they can convince you to talk to that person.”

Janus nodded.

“Great!” Emile said. “Then you’re officially forgiven for everything. Though I expect you to go to therapy and keep working on making yourself feel better, so these things don’t happen again.”

And Janus… didn’t know how to feel about that. He should probably feel happy and thankful or at least relieved, but if he was being honest, he just felt kind of empty in that moment like an old well that had finally run dry.

Fuck his head doctor and fuck Patton. Wasn’t this supposed to make him feel better? Everything was fine. He hadn’t actually erased Emile permanently from the timeline, in fact, he’d apparently still existed in some form in the alternate timeline Janus had temporarily made. Emile had forgiven him both for erasing him and ignoring him even though that was far more than Janus deserved. This was something he’d never even dared dream would happen, but it had been exactly what he’d wanted.

Yet, he still didn’t feel good, not really, not like how he remembered feeling before all of this happened.

Though was that really a surprise? Things were not like how they were before. He and Emile were no longer close. There was love and affection there, but they didn’t really know each other. The last six months had been nice. He’d been able to pretend for a bit that everything was back to normal, but in the moments he hadn’t been able to pretend that, it’d been a bit stilted and awkward speaking to his brother.

Beyond that, Janus was just used to misery at this point. It was his default state. Not being miserable took effort and energy he didn’t always have. He felt himself slipping into sadness or numbness even during times he should be feeling good. He’d noticed himself experiencing a sense of desolation when Emile cooked his favorite meal or in the middle of watching a ballet performance Emile had suggested they go to and which he’d been looking forward to in the days before. Even now when he should be so happy, so ecstatic, the emotions did not come. Everything should be okay, but it wasn’t.

“You doing alright over there?” Emile asked, and Janus didn’t know how long he’d been silent.

Instinct said to say yes and force himself to move on, but he wasn’t going to break his promise that fast. “Not really, no,” he admitted.

“That’s okay,” Emile said. “Anything I can do to help?”

“I really don’t know.”

“Why don’t we go taste the soup your arch nemesis,” there was a light teasing tone to his voice, “made for you. Some of the vegetables won’t be completely cooked yet, but I’m sure it’s already good.”

“Yeah,” Janus agreed. “Yeah, okay,” he got to his feet, the chair making that plastic squeaking sound again. “Maybe we could unwrap the furniture in here before you go home.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Emile said with a smile.

#sanders sides #janus sanders #emile piccani #patton sanders #mociet #time travel #character with depression #character with ptsd #character with anxiety #folds in time universe #folds in paper #adriana writes #not pieces fic

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emmaelt · 13 days ago

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On ADHD and time blindness

Time is such a funny concept to me.

It is going to be 2025 quite soon, and yet I am still stuck on the fact that it is next year and thus must be really far away. This concept of years feels so slow to me, but actually years are more fluid than I think they are, not blocks of their own but interconnected and only separated by the gap between one second and the next.

I have an issue with delayed gratification - it's so hard to motivate myself for some concept of the future that I can't even begin to grasp, that makes it so I want the thing now.

The other thing is that time doesn't always feel like it's taking the same space. One 5 minutes can stretch indefinitely, and the next can be so fast I don't notice it passing. I know this is about how distracted I am (bored is slow, engaged is fast) but also about my energy levels, the weather, where I am in my cycle, who I'm with. I'm not sure if this is an 'that's how everyone feels!' thing, or just a me thing.

Dr Devon Price talks about how neurodivergent people see time in chapter 6 of the book 'Unmasked', and introduces Rose's spiral rather than linear progression as the concept of time. It's been really interesting for me to understand that time does not have to be linear, but also really shocking for me to realise that actually I have never seen time like that! Time either is extremely slow, or it is much too fast. I simultaneously feel as if I have been 34 for years, and that I was just in Japan celebrating my birthday with my friends. There is no inbetween. I also feel 5, 16, 27, and 34 all at once. In fact, I actually also feel about 107, but I think that's because I didn't know I was neurodivergent until this year...

I get 'waiting mode' like many neurodivergent people, but mine has a tinge of rush to it, where I either cannot do a single thing or I must do all of the things. For example, I have an appointment with my personal trainer at 11am, I need to leave by 10:30, and I am a morning person - therefore I must have done all of my chores at lightning speed before 9am so I can sit and wait for an hour and a half? Why can I not pace them out and not exhaust myself? Why can I not do anything closer to the time?

There's also a part of me - that I think has always been there but was made worse by the events of 2015 (mainly the results of the American election) - where I feel as if the world will end before the thing I'm waiting for happens. This fatalist approach makes me mourn the things that I therefore think won't ever get to happen to me in particular, as well as to the world... I want everything to happen now so I don't miss it. The other part of it as well is that I am not expecting my brain to allow me to enjoy the thing by the time it does eventually happen - e.g. I am currently hyperfixated on Bridgerton, and season 4 may come by the time my brain decides I am no longer allowed to watch things again.

Going back to spiral time, my brain makes connections between supposedly random (to others) things, that feel so correct to me. Perhaps it's neurodivergence, synesthesia or similar. Certain months have connections - February and November have the same vibe to me, like siblings. June and December, though the weather is so different, feel the same somehow. I have it with numbers, textures, colours. I think it's also why I like certain harmonies in music over others, certain chord structures feel correct.

#audhd #actually autistic #emmaelt #time blindness #spiral time #neurodivergent #autistic things #dr devon price

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foster-the-world · 1 year ago

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Bumpire no more

For months baby boy been saying he wants to be a bumpire (aka: vampire) for Halloween. Today when I said Bumpire (because why would I ever correct him) he said "NO VAMPIRE." Aw, my babies getting big. I'm going to miss his sweet little kid voice so much.

We met with a development ped today. The agency made the appt so it was a not particularly well regarded hospital by our house. Mostly low income patients. Long line when we arrived. Three out of three of the patients in front of me had the kids interpreting for the parents. The 11 year old came into get her vaccines but they said because she hadn't visit their office in 2+ years she needed a physical first. They didn't have an appt until Oct 3rd. The receptionist tried to tell the Dad to find an appt somewhere else but I don't think he was understanding. He took the Oct 3rd appt. I am now very worried this child is not going to go to school until Oct 3rd :( The child wrote down the date and time of the appt in their own calendar app. So many kids have so much responsibility. So difficult for everyone.

Our own appointment left me depressed. It was his nap time so he was not behaving. Not that he would have anyway. Places where you are supposed to sit quietly are not his strong suit. I told the Dr about his hyperactivity. She was new and/or a resident??? After five minutes she went to tell the more senior Dr everything I told her. This Dr came in and was asking all of the autism screener questions. She didn't seem to believe my answers. I don't mind if he has autism -in fact it opens up a ton of services that a SPD diagnosis on its own won't get him. And perhaps I'm wrong and he does but is not typically persenting. Certainly there is a ton I don't know about autism. But his behavior does not match the screener questions. He tried to turn off the lights a few times. She tried to turn that into "repetitive behavior". The only repetitive thing he does is ignore whatever you tell him not to do. She verified ADHD was likely. She said he's "self-directed' which I believe means doesn't listen to anyone. True. She said she wants him in speech after he didn't respond much to two or three quick questions. Again, in this instance I believe his problem is not feeling the need to respond/perform/listen. He understands everything. There were three new adults in a tiny room (there was another student shadowing). He speaks in long sentences all of the time. They were asking about three word sentences - he's been doing that for literally years. He speaks in 8/9/10 words sentences regularly through out the day at home. The other Dr even piped in to say she heard him talking in longer sentences to me. But if they will send a speech person to the school I don't mind. He does stutter on occasion and I don't know about his articulation. I understand him just fine but that doesn't mean everyone can. She mentioned something about maybe needing a smaller special ed school. I hate when people brush off my concerns about him AND I hate when people validate them. Can't win either way with me. I know I'm extra sensitive about him. Also, skeptical how she would know after three or four minutes. On the other hand I was there because I'm super concerned with how he's going to do in a 3K program. He just doesn't listen or sit still the way other kids his age do. I guess will find out next week.

A smaller special ed school would be fine if that's what he needs. I'll have a little mourning time about what we planned for him. We love the girls school and wanted all of our kids in the same place with the same lovely community. Anyway, not much point thinking about it. Will see what comes. He does fine at daycare. If 3K doesn't work for him he can go back there until we figure out a perfect spot for him.

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buggyandthebartoclub · 1 year ago

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Vent post sorry I have no where to scream into the void but here and I am having an anxiety attack lolll

Screaming and trying not to throw up!!!! Lol!!!!

Shoutout to texas medicaid for telling me we were covered till the end of November then suddenly revoking our coverage and sending us the $400+ bill for our sons bloodwork!!! So cool thanks!!!!

Somehow our coverage is denied and our renewal app from JANUARY (which is somehow??? Not the one we most recently had coverage on???) is in review??? And they are ONCE AGAIN

Trying to say my husband is somehow the household provider an adult, but also a child who needs child support, while also being the absent father of said child so he needs to pay child support to… idk himself????

I swear to god I am this 🤏🏼 fucking close to absolutely losing it!!!

I can’t get a fucking appointment in person and ofc you can’t get anyone on the fucking phone !!!!

Not supposed to talk about it online but no one irl knows me here besides like 1 of you so fuck it. My husband was out of work almost a whole!!! Month!!!

Bc he got sideswiped on the highway and now we’re in the middle of a fuckign personal injury lawsuit and thank GOD for the law firm we’re using who works on contingency bc they’re footing the dr bills rn bc he has to go to the chiropractor 3x a fucking week rn (and which is well over $200 a visit bc of shockwave treatment therapy whatever it’s fucking called)

And we have fallen so behind on bills etc, fuck paying for meds who can afford that??

I am literally spiraling into the biggest anxiety attack of my life I have a fucking child to take care of I never cared about being dirt poor when it was just us I’ll live off nothing if I have to but we have a 3yo!!!

I fucking hate texas I can’t wait till we can fucking leave when this court case is over if we have anything left we are moving to North Carolina to be with our chosen family/our sons god parents where at least we’ll have some emotional and moral support nearby we’re just down here by ourselves 8hr one way to anyone (and those anyones are transphobic homophobic racist pieces of shit !!! Shocker!!!! So how much support/help are they really??)

ANYWAY I’m fucking fine we prepaid for a few visits of therapy w extra money I made doing pieces for people on fb so I will be able to work out some of this next visit I just really needed to lose mt shit somewhere thanks

#vent post #to be deleted

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sonickedtrowel · 2 years ago

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binary solar system

Another one-shot chapter! the prompt here is.... is I wrote pregnant River and young babies/kids with these guys when I had absolutely no idea what I was talking about and I'm sure if I went back and read it after having 2 babies my soul would cringe out of my body. So instead let me just present you with this, a scene from Darillium which hopefully resonates more with those of you out there who have reproduced. 12/River ao3 link

“What the hell even is a round ligament?” River asked, unceremoniously flinging a pamphlet from the obstetrician’s office over the arm of the sofa and onto the floor.

“Er,” the Doctor carefully began, “I think it’s—”

“I know what it is,” she snapped, which, honestly, he should have seen coming. “I know because it simulates me being stabbed in the abdomen eighty three fucking thousand times a day. Round ligament. Fucking bastard traitor.”

There were a lot of things about humanoid pregnancy that were significantly improved upon by living in a sufficiently advanced society with decent modern medicine. Safe, well-tested anti-nausea medications. Effective preventive treatments for life-threatening complications like pre-eclampsia. The highest quality of monitoring and interventions available for any foetal developmental concerns. Advanced surgical techniques and augmented healing technologies that made the dangerous and unpredictable old-fashioned mode of childbirth a thing of the past— evolution truly had dropped the ball on that one.

But there were some things that remained, as River succinctly pronounced, “total shit.”

“Why don’t you lie down for a bit, dear?” the Doctor suggested. “I’ll start dinner, you get some rest. Doc—”

“I swear to god,” she interrupted, “if you say ‘Doctor’s orders,’ you can kiss this face goodbye, because I will shoot you in it. And if the next one’s hot I won’t even feel bad.”

“Fair enough,” he replied, valiantly struggling to choke down a laugh, because he felt fairly sure that would not go over well at the moment.

“Anyway,” River lamented, “resting is the problem. Obviously I need all the rest I can get, but I can’t get any because when I lie down there’s a, a bowling ball, just— rolling all around in there, bouncing off my round ligament whenever I try to move a half an inch— oh, but if I don’t keep flipping sides like I’m being cooked on a spit I’ll throw out a hip! And the stupid app said they’re only the size of a, a— what is it this week?”

“Rhodocrosian dwarf leek,” the Doctor supplied helpfully.

“Which is fucking meaningless, by the way, because the proportions are not even remotely comparable— but the point is,” she stressed, stopping mid-pantomime, “whichever way you measure a spring onion, or whatever, it should not be big enough to be smashing my ligaments!”

“I think it’s supposed to get better soon,” said the Doctor, crouching in front of the sofa and laying his hand ever-so-carefully over the upper curve of the tiny swell in River’s belly, avoiding the bastard traitor. “Remember Dr. Kiril said something about touching the abdominal wall? Not as much rolling around once the bowling ball’s out of room.”

“To be replaced with something even more dreadful, no doubt.”

“I’m sorry, dear. You’ve definitely got the worse end of this deal.”

“And to think, we spent all that time trying to make this happen,” she sighed. “I’ve been so spoilt, always being a bit superhuman. Healing quickly, never having to feel my age or the little inconveniences and indignities it normally brings. Making a baby sounds so magical and romantic in the abstract but it’s all been so… biological. All the scans, all the hormone testing— do you know how long I’ve been pissing in little plastic cups? Three years, Doctor. Every month: ovulation tests, pregnancy tests, then start all over again. So much hope tied up in such an unappealing ritual. Like making a little advent calendar of urine.” He failed to suppress his laugh at that, but River smiled, wearily. “At least I only have to do it at appointments now. There’s not a shred of dignity left to me in this entire business. And what a way to spend what’s meant to be our longest honeymoon. It’s all terribly unsexy.”

“Well, there were quite a few sexy parts, as I recall.”

“If you don’t mind being on a very strict schedule.”

“I didn’t mind.”

“Doctor,” River said solemnly, and he took her hand, as he knew well now when she was bravely preparing to say something important, against many decades of instinct to bury it instead. “Have we just… thrown the biggest spanner you could possibly imagine into everything?”

“Well… yeah, maybe, a bit,” he replied— there was, of course, no use pretending otherwise. “But in a good way.”

“But, it’s— it is completely mad, isn’t it? We’re so happy in our life, let’s blow it up on purpose. I couldn’t fathom loving another person like I love you, but instead of just enjoying that incredible, rare, precious thing, we’ll make a new person from scratch! Who are we to make a person? Why does anyone ever do something so obviously insane?”

The Doctor laughed softly, stood, and settled carefully down beside River on the sofa, giving her room to gingerly rearrange herself against him.

“It’s just so hard to imagine what it will really be like,” she mumbled into his shoulder. “It’s— it’s like moving the stars. Adding a second sun to a solar system. Everything’s going to change, and it can’t all be for the better. When there’s more light, some things will burn.”

“Well, you’re not wrong about any of that,” he said, carefully draping his arm around her and threading his fingers through hers. “But we do have a pretty extensive record of doing completely mad things. It’s our speciality, really. And, you know… it is very normal to have doubts about such a huge change.” He pressed a kiss to her temple and she curled a little more into his side, her breath hitching as she winced with the movement. “It’s a leap of faith with a very long way to the landing. You’ve got to get through a lot of wild thoughts on the way down. And thank you. For telling me how you’re feeling.”

“Well, I appreciate you not pointing out that I sound like I’ve completely lost my mind. I have actually noticed.”

“Nah,” he scoffed. “You just sound like you’re… growing a new sun. You’re handling it magnificently.”

“How are you so bloody calm about it, by the way?” she grumbled.

“Oh, don’t worry, dear, I’m an absolute mess. This is what we call triage. You just carry on and I won’t have to pay any attention to me— doing me a favour, really.”

“Mm. Sounds healthy.”

“I think, in this specific case, it’s sort of the natural order of things.”

“And you know, of course I’m worried but… I don’t actually have any doubts. I don’t even know this person yet, and they’re making my life an enormous pain in ways I’d never imagined, and I don’t regret it one bit. Isn’t that strange?”

“Well, not so strange. Love is like that. No one ever said it made sense.”

“What, no ‘biological imperative’ talk? No human hormones hijacking my brain? Suddenly when it’s our little foetus it’s all mushy stuff?”

“River Song, let me tell you something very important right now. It was a hard lesson to learn, but ever since you came into my life, it’s all been mushy stuff.” She laughed, and turned her head to kiss him, the tension tangibly melting out of her shoulders as her lips lingered against his.

“Oh,” she moaned, “I would really, really love you to take me to bed, if I could move at all without the stabbing.”

“How about I do take you to bed, get you all set up with your pillows and wedges and noodles and whatnot, and we can see how the bastard traitor is feeling later.”

“Okay,” she sighed. “Oh! Oh, there it goes— put your hand right here!” She grabbed his hand and pressed it very firmly to her stomach, which was alarming considering how she seemed not to be able to do anything without incurring the round ligament’s wrath, but then—

“Oh!” The Doctor could feel the sort of grin taking over his face that River teased would make him look like the Grinch, if he weren’t so pretty. (He wasn’t so sure about ‘pretty’ as an appropriate adjective for this face, but had decided not to object.) “Hello, there,” he said softly.

“You really felt it this time?” she asked, beaming back at him as she pressed her hand down over his.

“Yeah, just a teeny tiny little… poke. A little hand? Little foot?”

“My bet’s on little elbow,” she said, cradling the tiny curve of her belly. “I’m sure a half-developed leek with pointy elbows and no body fat would look fairly ghastly, but… they certainly are sweet from this angle, aren’t they?”

“Yeah,” the Doctor agreed, though it came out with a gravelly waver to it. “The sweetest. Well, easy for me to say; I’m not getting poked.”

“I think that’s my favourite part, actually. Like they’re saying hello. Then it’s not some big unimaginable unknown we’re waiting for, it’s… just this little one right here. Already keeping me company.”

“So maybe there is a little magic left in the process?”

“I guess so.” River smiled with the sort of Christmas-morning delight he’d hoped would fill every moment of their night on Darillium, and the Doctor thought having two suns in his life seemed like the perfect number.

#12river #the doctor/river song #dr fic #river song #12th doctor #darillium pregnancy fluff #this ones for the parents out there bc i sure as shit didn't know what i was talking about last time i wrote pregnant river lmao

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