#need to go talk about that with the dr but my appointment is next month and im lazy about pushing it up sooner

[winchesterwild78]

Broken pt 5

Master List

Characters: Jensen x Reader (wife)

Warnings: a little bit of angst, but mostly fluff.

A/N:  Idea given to me by @cheekygirl2309. This one is a little different than what I usually write. This chapter has a little bit of sunshine for our couple.

Minors DNI 18+

Jensen grabbed me and pulled me close to him. “Pregnant? Really?” Tears filled his eyes. “Yes, Jens. We’re going to have a baby.” 

He took me by the hand and led me to the couch. “Sit here baby. I’m gonna fix you something to eat.” I chuckled, “Jensen, I’m not hungry right now.” “Well you haven’t eaten much, let me get you some fruit or something, please.” His green eyes flicked to mine, “Please baby. Let me take care of you and our baby.” 

I nodded and my hand instinctively went to my belly. “Okay Jensen. How about some apples and water?” 

He smiled and went to the kitchen. A few minutes later he came back with a plate of apples and a bottle of water. 

“Thank you, Jensen.” He smiled and sat next to me. 

“Jensen, I think we should wait to tell everyone. It’s still very early and I want to make sure everything is okay before we do.” 

“Whatever you want, baby. 

Jensen and I had decided to head back home, well Toronto since we wanted to see the doctor right away. 

He booked the plane tickets and we were heading home the next day. I was ready but really didn’t want to leave our little cocoon we found ourselves in. 

Being here with him, in the silence of the mountains made everything else seem to disappear. He however, needed to get back to work too. 

The flight home was uneventful and Jensen let Eric know he was back. His filming schedule was set to resume in two days.

We were able to get set up with a local doctor who thankfully had an opening today. As we walked into the office Jensen was immediately recognized, but thankfully everyone was professional. 

The nurse immediately took us back to prevent us from being bombarded by people. I was thankful. Dr Ellington was sweet. She was obviously a fan of Jensen’s and was a little star struck, but maintained her composure. She confirmed the pregnancy and she ordered an ultrasound. Checking the heartbeat and measurement she estimated I was about 5-6 weeks along. 

We talked to her about my endometriosis and asked if it would have any effect on the pregnancy. She explained that with endometriosis I had a higher risk for pregnancy loss and complications that could lead to delivering via c-section. 

I grabbed Jensen’s hand and squeezed. She saw the fear in my eyes, “It’s okay, sweetie. We will just keep you coming back every week and keep a close eye on you and the little nugget.” I nodded and let out the breath I was holding. 

Jensen asked more questions as I took in everything she said. I was terrified and wanted to make sure I did everything right. We scheduled the next appointment, next Wednesday and we left. 

“Jens, what about work? You can’t take off every week to go to the doctor’s office with me.” He grabbed my hand and held it tight, “Yes I can, and yes I will. I told you, you and this baby are a priority. I’ll talk to Eric and we will work it out.” 

I nodded. Thankful for such an amazing husband. I could see he was really trying. I knew he was worried about what the doctor said, but I also knew he wouldn’t burden me with the worry. 

“Jens, I’m scared.” He glanced over at me and nodded, “I know baby. I am too, but we will do whatever it takes to keep both of you safe and healthy.” 

The next few months Jensen and I fell into a comfortable groove. He would go to do his shoots and on days I had an appointment he would go in late. Some days I’d go with him, others I would go back to the apartment. 

As my pregnancy progressed the doctor wanted me to rest as much as possible, so that meant on set I was confined to the trailer. 

I was laying on the couch in Jensen’s trailer as he was on set. He had brought lunch and we snuggled on the couch until he had to go back. The baby was active today so he sat with his hand on my belly for most of his break. 

I loved watching him sing and talk to the baby. He was made to be a father. I had a late afternoon appointment today so Jensen was working on getting his scenes done before we had to leave. 

Laying on the couch I fell asleep. I dreamed of my father again. 

“Daddy. It’s been so long.” I ran and threw my arms around him. “Hey peanut. Looks like you’re growing a bit.” He chuckled as he touched my belly. “Yeah. The baby is growing and is healthy. They are just keeping an eye on us to make sure we stay that way.” My dad nodded, “Yeah. Don’t worry, sweetie. He’s going to be just fine. I promise.” Before I could ask him what he meant I heard Jensen’s soft voice, “Baby, wake up. It’s time to go to the doctor.” 

I stretched and looked at him. He had already showered and changed. I was a little disappointed. I loved seeing him in his Soldier Boy costume. “Did you have a good nap, baby?” Jensen asked as he helped me get up. 

“Yeah, I dreamed about daddy again. He called the baby a “he”.” 

Jensen smiled, “Well, maybe it is a boy. That would be fine with me.” His green eyes sparkled. 

Arriving at the doctor’s office it was a bit busier than I expected. Unfortunately that meant we had to wait in the waiting room for a bit. It always made me nervous, but most of the people there were respectful and left us alone. 

My leg bounced nervously. Jensen smirked and placed his hand on my leg. He leaned over and kissed my cheek, “Hey, it’s okay baby.” I looked at him and nodded. 

A younger woman came in and sat near us. She kept looking up at Jensen and then over at me. She gasped softly, realizing who he was. We hadn’t officially announced the pregnancy yet, so her seeing us made me even more nervous. 

I looked over at her and pleaded with my eyes. Jensen saw the concern on my face. He decided to be his charming self. “Excuse me ma’am?” He flashed that killer smile. She looked up and blushed, “Yes?” he extended his hand, “I’m Jensen, and this is my wife Y/N.” 

She nodded, “Yeah, I know who you are. I’m a fan. Sorry for staring. I didn’t know she was pregnant.” Jensen smiled and nodded, “Yeah, we haven’t announced it yet. We’re just trying to make sure everything is okay with her and the baby before we do. She just recently lost her dad and we’ve been grieving and working on keeping the baby safe. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t say anything to anyone.” 

She looked at me and then back at Jensen, “Oh I am so sorry to hear about your dad, but yes, totally. Your secret is safe with me. I promise. I’m having a difficult pregnancy too, so I completely understand. I hope everything works out with the baby.” Jensen placed his hand on her shoulder, “I’m sorry you’re having a difficult pregnancy. That has to be scary, and thank you for keeping our secret. We really do appreciate it. What’s your name, darlin’?” “Oh Karly Johnson, and this little bean is going to be Samantha Jane.” 

“Well it’s nice to meet you Karly, and I hope Samantha continues to do well. Thanks again.” She nodded and he sat down.

A few minutes later we were being called back. After being checked, bloodwork done, and other tests done it was time to move to ultrasound. 

Jensen helped me lay back on the table and the ultrasound tech got the machine ready. 

“You two ready to see your baby?” She asked as she grabbed the wand. We nodded. Jensen held my hand as we heard the heartbeat. Tears filled my eyes. It was so strong and steady. 

“So, do we want to know what we’re having?” I looked at Jensen and he looked at me, we both said yes at the same time. 

She moved the wand around and then turned the screen more towards us, “So it looks like it’s a boy.” I gasped softly and Jensen chuckled. “A boy?” I whispered. She nodded and showed us how she knew. It was clearly a boy. 

She printed pictures for us, I got cleaned up and changed then we left. 

I couldn’t take my eyes off the pictures. Jensen couldn’t stop smiling. 

“Jens we’re having a boy.” I beamed. “Yeah baby we are.” He couldn’t contain his smile. 

A little while later we were back home and I kept looking at the pictures. Jensen stood with this body leaned against the doorframe watching me. 

She’s so beautiful and now she’s giving me a boy. I can’t believe it. I’m the luckiest man alive. 

He pushed off the doorframe and sat beside me. “Baby?” I looked up at him, “Hmm?” “Are you ready to go public? Once we tell our family it’s a boy.” 

I took a deep breath, “Yeah. I guess we can’t hide it forever. Especially after being recognized today.” 

He nodded. We called our families and they were over the moon with the news the baby was a boy. 

Jensen wanted the announcement to be cute. So he grabbed a sign and wrote 1978 on it and had me take a picture, then he wrote Y/B/Y on it and took a picture, then wrote coming soon and the due date on it and took a picture with a pair of blue booties. 

He put it in a collage and posted it on social media with the caption: “Baby Boy Ackles joining the family soon.” 

The comments, likes and shares were instant. The love was overwhelming. One comment really melted my heart, “Aww that’s perfect. She just lost her dad and now she’s having a boy. I bet her dad sent him to her. 💙 Can’t wait to meet baby boy.” 

Jensen smiled as he pulled me close. “I love you so much baby.” “I love you too, Jens.” 

He placed his hand on my belly, “I love you too. So much.” I smiled and he kissed me softly. “Come on darlin’, let’s get you something to eat.” I smiled and nodded. 

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[zablife]

Now You Know the Truth (Part 6)

Tommy Shelby x wife reader

Summary: Your plot for revenge against Tommy begins to take shape, but he becomes suspicious.

Author's Note: I intended this to be the last part, but there will be at least one more. Oops 🙈 Side note, Polly died of tuberculosis in my AU.

Warnings: language, medical discussions, gaslighting, mention of pregnancy

Part 5

You talked for what felt like hours with little more than a nod from the man in the white coat sitting across from you. Finally you stopped to inhale deeply, before asking, “Well? Do you understand what it is I need from you?”

“I do,” he nodded quickly, sitting forward to rest his elbows upon his desk. He broke eye contact as he stared out the window of his office, fingers laced tightly and brow etched with concern.

His speech came haltingly, aware of your position, but more keenly, that of your husband. “I understand your predicament, Mrs. Shelby, but I can’t say I agree with this…method,” he attempted not to offend you. “The falsification of medical records, lying to a patient simply to confine him in hospital…it’s…it’s unethical,” he stressed the last word with such distaste your rage bubbled to the surface before you could contain it.

“Unethical?” you scoffed. “What of the months I spent in the care of your nurses and doctors for nervous disorders and fainting spells fabricated by my husband when I couldn’t remember anything about myself? And when you released me, you gave him medication to sedate me at will. Where was your sense of morality then?”

You clasped your hands in your lap to keep them from trembling, but managed to hold the doctor’s gaze firmly. As you did so, you noticed his eyes widen, realizing the harm caused by his miscalculations in judgment.

Clearing his throat of the lump that had formed he began, “Your husband was quite convincing and I wasn’t aware of his intentions to confine you in such a way." He searched your eyes, hoping for forgiveness as he apologized as sincerely as possible. "I am truly sorry for your pain and anguish," he added, lowering his gaze shamefully. Taking another moment to sit with his thoughts he finally leaned across his desk to confide in you.

He glanced toward the door to be certain no one was approaching before adopting a low, conspiratorial tone. Then he advised, “I may be able to assist you. If your husband has these fits, as you say, a case could be made to persuade the layperson.”

You nodded in silent agreement, afraid to give yourself over to hope too quickly. “Please go on, what happens next?” you ventured breathlessly.

———————

“How was the appointment at the hospital, darling? I’m sorry I couldn’t make it,” Tommy apologized as he helped you remove your fur coat.

Turning to him with a tight smile you replied, “The baby’s heartbeat is strong.”

Tommy beamed with pride as he pulled you toward him for an embrace, but the large manilla envelope between you stopped him.

“What’s that?” he asked, eyes darting up to yours suspiciously.

“As I was leaving I saw Dr. Holford and he asked me to give you this,” you informed him as you proffered the envelope carefully. You hadn’t realized you were holding your breath, waiting for Tommy to take the baited trap, until he whisked it from your fingers moments later. The air seemed to leave your lungs in one great breath as he strode away from you into his office.

Standing alone in the hallway you found yourself unable to move when you suddenly heard a crash. Rushing toward the noise, you surveyed the damage of the broken carafe lying in pieces and Tommy leaning over his desk, rubbing his eyes. 

“Is everything alright?” you asked sweetly.

“I told the girl to refill the whisky this morning. It’s still empty,” he muttered through clenched jaw.

“Frances will see to it. I meant the envelope,” you gestured where the contents had been scattered.

Clutching a letter in his hand, Tommy turned toward you slowly as he accused, “What do you know about this?”

You gulped as you watched his eyes darken, head tilting as he scanned your face in painstaking detail.

Heartbeat thundering in your chest, you swayed slightly in your heels from fear and exhaustion. Playing to his recent sympathy for the well-being of your child, you asked permission to sit, stalling for time.

Tommy nodded, pulling out a chair, but waited by your side.

“The doctor told me it was urgent…something to do with an x-ray they took from when Polly was ill,” you spoke the lines you’d rehearsed in the car as best you could with the feeling of his hot breath fanning the back of your neck.

Tommy scoffed. “After all this time, now they tell me?” His hand tightened around the back of your chair, causing the wood to crack beneath the pressure and you winced to yourself, wondering if his fingers might creep toward your throat next. He emitted a long, low sigh as he confessed, “Tuberculoma…what the fuck is that?”

As he hovered over you, he pulled an x-ray from the pile of documents and held it to the light for you. “I don’t see anything, do you?” he asked with irritation, shaking it a bit too harshly to straighten it when it folded in on itself.

“I’m not a doctor, Tom,” you demurred, worried his stubbornness would cause the entire plan to fail. Resting your head in your hand you wondered, Why did I believe this could work? But you had to try so you added gently, “Invite him here so he can explain it properly.”

Striding away from you suddenly, Tommy rounded his desk to pick up the phone. As he waited for the operator to connect the call he promised, “We’re all going to have a chat very soon.”

Part 7

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[tigergirltail]

TIGER HRT CHAPTER 6 - MONTH 6 - THE CAGED BIRD

CONTENT WARNING - This chapter contains mentions of medical injections, bigotry, child abuse, self-harm, and attempted suicide. Reader beware.

FIRST - PREV - NEXT

I had my six-month check-up with Dr. Erian, an online appointment just like last time. No particular medical issues this time around, bloodwork checks out, genetic reconfiguration is stable. We can't do a thorough physical exam over the internet, but according to him, I am "the very picture of health, by the standards of your species". I'm a bit curious what standards those are, given that I have yet to hear about any other tiger therians. Hopefully there ARE standards, and he's not just giving me empty reassurance.

We also spent some time going over dietary concerns - am I getting enough meat, am I reducing my fruit and grain intake appropriately, that sort of thing. I assured him that I'm eating real meat with every meal, just like the booklet said to, I've been limiting fruits and vegetables, and I don't even have an appetite for anything grain-based. I'll probably miss what fresh bread used to be like, but I just can't bring myself to want it anymore. Apparently not every therian is following the diet they're supposed to, but the doctor didn't have any concerns about me, "assuming your answers are honest, Miss Alexis". What, does he think I'm about to lie to the one person who knows how species transition works?

At one point during the discussion I thought I heard him mutter something about a "foolish undine", but I must have misheard. Undines are water spirits or elementals or something - a fictional creature. Then again, so are dragons and lamias, but the first well-known humanity remover was a dragon-girl, and I've been hanging out and playing online games with a lamia. At this point you could tell me there's someone out there transitioning to Sonic the Hedgehog, and I might actually believe you.

I've hit the point of full fur coverage, so no more awkward bald patches! Unfortunately, this does mean I need to start taking my estrogen in a form other than skin patches, because there's nowhere left to stick them. After a lot of agonizing over the pros and cons of potential liver damage from pills versus facing down my needle phobia, I opted to ask my endocrinologist to train me on injectable estrogen. She made a somewhat tone-deaf joke about not being trained in veterinary medicine, but she was otherwise very patient and reassuring, so I let it slide.

I do want to state for the record that I am a big scary tiger who's not afraid of anything and I only cried a little bit the first time I injected myself.

My ears are definitely becoming much more sensitive - I keep hearing really annoying high-pitch noises when I'm around heavy machinery, and that happens a lot more often than you might think. My office at work is right next to an elevator, and whenever someone uses it, the motor lets out this gods-awful whine and I have to plug my ears until it stops moving again. My local grocery also has a few freezer units that give off a similar sound, constantly, and I've had to start wearing earplugs to go on food runs.

As for visual changes, I can see in the dark reasonably well, but I've also started getting headaches and discomfort when I squint or try too hard to focus on something. I guess I should probably just… try to not do that. I have spent a significant portion of my life staring at a screen, so my eyes probably aren't in the best shape overall.

Now that my physical changes are pretty much done, most people just assume I'm wearing a very intricate costume - at least, until they get close. No costume has mouth movements or facial expressions this realistic, and believe me, our top furry scientists and engineers have tried.

At one point there's a conversation on the humanity removal chat server about the political climates in our respective areas towards therians. Obviously, a lot of the right-wing talking-head shows have been shitting themselves inside-out about the idea of people giving up their humanity, especially the ones with a more religious bent. "How dare these freaks forsake God's holy image", "Humanity is a divine blessing and must be cherished", "We call on the one true God to smite these worshippers of the Beast", and so on like that. Excuse you, but I've never worshipped your discriminatory god and I'm not beholden to their 'holy image'. My goddess is one of beauty, love, and artistic expression, and the entire reason I'm changing myself in the first place is as an expression of self-love.

Most of us agree, though, that the absolute worst of the 24-hour news cycle doesn't have anything to do with how regular everyday people see us. In fact, we're rare enough still that a decent proportion of people don't believe we exist - they think that tabloids made us up to sell more copies. I don't know if that's better in terms of acceptance, but I'll take it over a torch-and-pitchfork mob running me out of town.

The conversation shifts to us sharing our locations, those of us who are comfortable doing so at least. We generally keep it vague, but most of us are at least alright with saying which country we live in. I narrow it down to a province for myself, mainly because my province alone is larger than some countries, but also because once we start to get noticed by the media and the world, there'll probably be no stopping our locations becoming known.

It's also going to get interesting if anyone starts asking how most of us are going to the same medical provider when he requires that consultations be done in person, or why the location he operates out of - Hyper City - doesn't appear on any map. Truthfully, I'm still trying to wrap my head around it myself.

The next day, I get a private message from the girl with the corvid avatar:

"Hey I saw your post when everybody was talking about where they are! I live there too!! We should totally meet up sometime ^v^"

…This is a dilemma. Obviously, I'm worried about the optics of a teenager meeting up with a 39-year-old she met on the internet, there's all kinds of ways that could be taken the wrong way, but dammit, I still don't know anyone like me in this part of the world, who knows if I'll ever find anyone else who's local? …I really want to try, but I should at least give her a warning, and a judgement-free out.

"Uhh I get wanting to meet up, but I'm more than 20 years older than you, would your parents be anywhere near cool with that??"

There's a long pause. I see her start and stop typing multiple times. I'm worried I've upset her. Eventually, she sends another message:

"I don't give a fuck what they think"

I'm taken aback by the harshness of the reply, and don't manage to type anything before another series of messages pops up:

"and they don't care what I do anyway so it's whatever" "if anyone asks I'll just say you're my weird aunt" "you have no idea how bad I want to meet someone who GETS IT" "humanity is a curse and I want to be free"

'I want to be free'. Something about that phrase hits somewhere deep, in a source of pain that never fully healed. Freedom from pain, freedom from self-hatred, freedom at any cost, even if it meant my life. I remember how that desire for freedom feels.

The only thing I can think to do next is ask if she's okay. Her response is to ask if I can go on a voice call. I'm not sure if she wants some confirmation that I'm a real person or if she just doesn't want the next part of the conversation preserved in the text log.

"Hey…", I begin cautiously as the voice call starts. "Can you hear me okay?"

There's a suppressed sniffle on the other end. "Yeah… I hear you."

For a moment I entertain the thought of going all 'when I was your age' and explaining that I was always cautioned against talking to strangers on the internet, but it's probably not the time for that. Read the room, Alexis.

She's not saying anything. I'm going to have to start this off, I think. Something harmless, something value-neutral…

"So from your icon, I'm guessing you want crow HRT? Raven HRT, maybe?"

"Crow HRT.", she states simply. "Crows are everywhere here, and I've always loved them, always been jealous of them. They get to go anywhere they want, do anything they want…" She lets out a groaning sigh. "Augh, this is stupid. You probably think I'm stupid for wanting this."

I can't hold back from giving a little bit of a laugh. "Hah! Young lady, one year ago I went to a doctor and told him to his face that I wanted him to turn me into a recessive-gene variant of an endangered species that doesn't even live on this continent, and then I threatened to bite him if he wouldn't do it. Fantasizing about being a crow is just about the normalest thing I can imagine compared to that."

"…You said you'd BITE him?"

I grin, though without a camera set up she can't see it. "Every one of us who seeks out humanity removal therapy is already a little bit inhuman, even if we don't fully know it yet. After all, why would we remove something if we felt emotionally attached to it?"

Another audible sniffle. "Holy fuck, you DO get it…"

"I sure hope I get it, it's not like I can un-grow the fur and the tail."

She gives a laugh, then there's a long pause. "…Does it hurt? Is it scary?"

"Sometimes. My fingers were REALLY sore while my claws were developing, and having your entire facial structure rearrange is no joke. As for scary, well, I sure get stared at a lot more, but I think I scare people a lot more than they scare me."

"Heh, maybe I want to be scary."

I frown a little. "I don't. I just want to be true to myself."

There's an awkward silence. After a while, I decide to bring up something I was curious about:

"So I remember you asking if there was a way to get species HRT without your parents noticing. I'm guessing they're not exactly supportive?"

She lets out an uncomfortable groan. "Mmmngh… They watch a lot of those news shows, you know, the ones that only run angry sensationalist bullcrap? Dad gets furious at the idea of anyone changing themselves, something about the 'holy sanctity of the human body' or whatever. He even thinks tattoos are blasphemy. Mom says it's the most horrific thing she can imagine, she nearly fainted when she caught me watching a stream of this one dragon girl talking about her changes."

"And here you are, wanting to be a bird… I'm sorry, that sounds really rough."

"It… It is." I can hear her voice faltering. "Hearing nothing but how terrible a waste it is, and how awful and horrific they are, and the whole time knowing that I'd give ANYTHING for it to happen to me, I just… I'm sorry, I just…"

"Hey, you don't need to apologize… I'm not going anywhere."

"I just… don't know how much longer I can take it!"

"…Take what?" I'm afraid to ask my next question, but… I just have to. "…What are they doing to you??"

Somewhere deep inside her, the dam just… breaks. She starts sobbing as she tells me about how her parents yell at her over every single mistake, how she gets shoved or hit just for being in the way, how she hurts herself just so the pain gives her something to feel and to focus on, and how she… How she once climbed up to the roof of her building and took a flying leap off. She had every intention to end her own life, but in the moment her feet left the ground and she felt the air under her arms, she experienced a rush of euphoria, for the first time she can remember.

…And a moment later, she broke a leg and several ribs when she hit the ground.

She explains that she spent over a month in hospital, a captive audience for her parents to yell at more, when they even bothered to show up at all. I'm too stunned to even react.

She's spent the years since then chasing that high, climbing trees and jumping off, finding rooftops and hilltops to go stand in the wind, looking up online videos of parachuting and wingsuiting and hang gliding, and when she first heard rumours about medical treatments that can alter one's very species, she started frantically researching. That's how she started finding other therians to reach out to, how she got involved in the group chat.

"Have you… had an appointment with Dr. Erian yet?" I have a feeling I already know the answer - something something, 'letter from a physician, two psychologists, live as your preferred species for at least a year'. The same horseshit I had to listen to.

"No… I tried to get one, but he won't see anyone under 18 without parental consent, and fat chance of ever getting that."

Huh. I hadn't expected that, it feels surprisingly principled for him. Though at the end of the day, it's probably just another liability thing - ol' Teddy Erian covering his own ass as usual.

"I just…" She's started crying again. "I just want to turn into a beautiful black bird and fly away from all this, forever… I just want to live my life on the wind, going wherever I want, never having to see a single human again…"

I can feel my own tears welling up, and that's the moment I make my decision. I'm going to meet up with this girl, and I'm going to find a way to help her. Maybe she doesn't need humanity removal, maybe she just needs to know someone who understands.

We decide on a place and time to meet up. There's a little cafe I like nearby, run by a trio of neurodivergent queer women. It's a public place, and about as safe for weirdos like us as you can get. Corvid-girl tells me she'll be the one with a feathered headband and a crow-skull necklace. I tell her I'll be the one with white fur and a tail. That manages to get a laugh out of her. I choose to take that as a victory.

There's something about the way she laughs that sounds a bit like a crow's call. I wonder whether that's intentional on her part…

A few days later, I'm sitting in the cafe enjoying a hot chocolate and a roast beef sandwich - extra meat, naturally. Dr. Erian said I have to start cutting chocolate out of my diet because cocoa is going to become toxic to me, but… chocolate! I did ask for a lighter mix though, so what I'm drinking is actually mostly just hot milk. Maybe there's a cocoa-free substitute out there I can look into…

I'm snapped out of my thoughts by a squeal of delight emanating from the front door. There's a teenage girl standing there, staring directly at me with a look of amazement on her face. Dark clothes, pale skin, black hair, headband with feathers in it, and hanging from her neck, an amulet in the shape of a bird skull. I smile and wave a paw at her. She practically bounces as she walks up to my table and takes a seat.

"Holy SHIT, you're… And you even have the… Your face looks just like… Can I touch your paw??"

I laugh and hold out my paw. "Haha, sure, just watch out for the claws, they don't stay all the way inside just yet."

"Oh, it's okay, I'm used to sharp things!"

I wince as I think back to our voice chat from the other day. I REALLY hope she doesn't mean what I think she means, but I can't help noticing she's wearing long sleeves, even though the weather has been getting warmer.

She turns my paw over and squeals. "OHMYGOD you even have the BEEEEANS!" I can't resist smiling as she starts poking and prodding at my pawpads. "You look SO!! AMAZING!!"

Corvid-girl starts frantically complimenting all my animalistic features - "Your stripes are so pretty!" "I love your tail!" "Ohh, your fangs, they're so COOL!!" - and I start uncontrollably blushing. I never would have thought species affirmation would feel this euphoric… Naturally, being a teenager, she takes this as an excuse to push even harder, and I start covering my face with my paws, thoroughly embarrassed.

"You look just like the tigers they have on stage for those shows in Vegas!"

"H-hey, that's actually not okay…"

"You know, I bet you'd look good up on a stage too! Everyone would love to see you!!"

Instinctually, I let out a growl, louder than I actually want to. It has the intended effect, in that she stops dead and stares at me, but so do a few other cafe patrons. Oh gods, here comes the embarrassment again… "H-hey, look, it's just…"

"Sorry." She's gone completely deadpan, and stiff as a board.

I close my eyes tightly. Gods, why did I DO that?? First the waitress at that seafood place, and now an actual CHILD. I REALLY need to start getting a handle on these predator instincts. When I open my eyes again, she's still standing there, and she looks like she's on the verge of a panic attack.

I need to calm her down, need to bring her back. "No… I'M sorry. I shouldn't have done that, I just… The animals they use for those stage shows get abused all the time, and it's kind of a sore spot for me."

"…Really?"

Okay, she's talking, she's distracted, maybe I can still salvage this. "Yeah… Every species has baggage, it's one of the shitty parts of being therian, and tigers, white tigers especially, they're treated like show pieces, or worse."

"…Well shit, I knew they're endangered, but… fuck."

"Yeah, it's a whole thing, I try not to -"

Our conversation is interrupted by one of the staff tapping corvid-girl on the shoulder and asking to talk privately. She reluctantly agrees to go to the back of the store and talk. At first I think maybe she's being chastised for being a disturbance, but the barista who pulled her away is giving me some very pointed looks. Worried looks, I might even say.

If I angle my ears just right, I can almost hear them through the noise of the rest of the cafe.

"…other patrons were concerned… …young lady so close to a dangerous creature…"

I wonder if the barista notices the indignant look that crosses my face when they describe me as a 'creature'.

Corvid-girl lets out that bird-like laugh of hers. Her voice is a lot more distinct and easier to pick out:

"It's just my aunt! She's not a 'creature', she just takes meds to look like that!"

The barista doesn't protest as corvid-girl returns to our table, but they're still giving me a very 'You'd better not try anything' kind of look.

Corvid-girl sits down, seemingly a little more grounded, a little more sobered. "…I guess I never thought to ask, why a white tiger?"

I lean forward, head in one paw, and give a bit of a shrug. "I relate a lot to them."

"To… being treated like a show piece, or whatever you said?"

"…Yeah. When I was little, they called me 'gifted' and put me in a separate school. I remember being excited about it, but it turns out it just meant getting more homework."

"…Ew."

I smile a little bit. "That's what I thought too! They wanted me to be some brilliant prodigy, a genius in the making, but the reality is I was just more observant and better at math than most people, that's all. I actually had to take an extra year of school because I was so bad at it."

"EWW!!"

"I KNOW, RIGHT?? But, then I went to college and graduated at the top of my class, so the joke's on them in the end."

"I wasn't even planning on staying around long enough for college…" She still has a bit of a depressed air about her, but she's not going into a panic. Maybe I'm better with kids than I thought.

"Yeah, I remember, you were going to turn into a beautiful crow and fly away forever." I try to give her a reassuring look. "But hey, the human world isn't ALL bad."

"Says the woman who's turning herself into a wild animal."

I snort quietly as I hold back a laugh. "Okay, fair, but wild animals don't get the internet, or nice little cafes where weirdos like us can just sit and talk."

"Hah, yeah… Weirdos like us." She gives a smile. An actual, genuine smile. Suddenly all the awkwardness is worth it, to see someone so deeply unhappy smile. "That reminds me, I saw on the server you're into witchcraft, can you… teach me?"

Somehow I feel like I should have expected this. The goth-looking crow girl is into witchcraft, big surprise. "I… guess? Maybe? I'm not like an expert or anything, I've just read a few books and cast a few spells is all."

"Ooh, what kind of spells??" And now she's back to her enthusiastic self.

"Just some protective charms on people who needed them, a few card readings with a tarot deck, nothing much really…"

"Does it really work??"

"I mean, the people I cast those charms on ended up safe in the end, but who knows if what I did made a difference? Some of the card readings were scary-accurate though, I think I might have a talent for divination."

She laughs. "Gonna have to get you to read my future sometime."

We end up spending the next hour or so making small talk, getting to know each other, talking about the ins and outs of humanity removal, complaining about Dr. Erian, until…

"Hey, I gotta go catch the bus back home, but… this was nice." She gives a bit of a smirk. "Cool to meet another weirdo."

Before she leaves, I ask her name - I still don't know it, I've been internally calling her 'corvid-girl' this entire time.

She gives me a disgusted grimace. "Ugh, it's 'Margaret'. I'm named for my great-grandmother, it's SUCH an old-lady name."

"Margaret, like Maggie, as in magpie?" I smile a little. "Those are corvids too, you know."

Her expression softens a little. "…Never thought of that. Still don't like it, though…"

"Well, is there a name you'd like better? I can start calling you that if you like."

She freezes. Somewhere in her eyes I can see her mind working to process what I've just said. "…Nobody ever asked me that before. I'll… think about it." She turns to leave.

"Wait, hold on a sec."

"WHAT!?" She outright glares at me, then seems to soften. "Sorry, it's… never mind."

That… was an EXTREMELY sudden mood shift. Trauma response, maybe? "I… was just going to ask if you wanted a sandwich or something to take home."

"…Didn't bring any money…"

I shake my head a little. "That doesn't answer my question. Would you like me to BUY you a sandwich or something?"

"…Egg salad if they got it I guess…"

I go up to the counter and buy her an egg salad sandwich to go. She looks like she's going to cry when I hand it to her. I… probably shouldn't make a big deal about that, but somewhere deep inside, my heart breaks a little. Does she never have anyone just… offer her food?

I'm beginning to understand why she wants to leave behind the curse of humanity. I chose this path, I wanted to be a tiger, I'm running towards something. Corvid-girl, though? She's running away from something.

I walk her outside, and she starts to walk away, but suddenly stops, and turns back to me. She walks resolutely up to me, then grabs me in a hug.

"Soft…" Her voice is muffled against both my shirt and the fur underneath. "You're very soft…"

Once I get over my surprise at the sudden gesture, I hesitantly put one arm around her shoulders and pat her on the back. She pulls away after a few short moments, and walks away down the sidewalk without another word.

I touch my shirt where her head was leaning, and notice a small wet spot.

---

Time to play "Spot the References!" Intentional references below:

"something about a 'foolish undine'" - welldrawnfish (Fish HRT)

"the first well-known humanity remover was a dragon-girl" - ayviedoesthings (Dragon HRT)

"I've been hanging out and playing online games with a lamia" - ariathelamia (Lamia HRT)

"someone out there transitioning to Sonic the Hedgehog" - sonic-spirit (Sonic HRT)

"watching a stream of this one dragon girl talking about her changes" - Rain, by Jocelyn Samara D. (Dragon HRT)

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: What We Did In The Dark {4}

Lewis Hamilton x Reader

Warning: Language, 18+ Mature Content, Angst, Small Time Jumps, Preggo Talk, Pregnancy Trope, Talk of Pregnancy Termination

Words: 6.2k

Summary: Neither of you planned any of it. You’d met by chance, and everything that happened after had to have been predestined. Now back to your own life, you find you have a special souvenir from your time in Mauritius and you have a tough decision to make.

As always, thank you for reading. I appreciate it!

As you enjoyed this, please, LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!!! ❤️❤️

***NOT Edited/Proofread***

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What We Did In The Dark {1}**** | What We Did In The Dark {2}* |

What We Did In The Dark {3} |

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Four: Into The Unknown

-Y/N-

“Ah, Y/N. Welcome back. I am very happy to see you again,” Dr. Olumichi said as she got comfortable in the high rolling stool.

“Are you?”

“Yes of course. I also knew I would see you again,” she added.

“I didn’t even know I would see you again.”

She chuckled, “I’ve been in the business of babies for a long time, and I’ve developed a skill for knowing who will rise to the occasion and who will choose to have more time to get there.”

“It was touch or go there for a week or two,” you admitted.

“But here we are,” Villie finished.

The three of you smiled.

“Right where you were meant to be,” Dr. Olumichi said as she rolled closer.

“This is Villie, my best friend.”

“And babies’ auntie,” Villie filled in.

Dr. Olumichi smiled then shook Villie’s hand. “Nice to meet you Villie. What an interesting name.”

“I promise it’s not short for villian, just to put that out there.

Dr. Olumichi laughed loudly.

“It’s short for Valenza. Here’s my card in case you ever need an attorney who has got your back for your interests and not my own like other attorneys if you know what I mean.”

All your eyes met, and an unspoken understanding sparked between you. She knew just what Villie meant.

“Thank you Villie. All right, so 1st official prenatal appointment. How exciting, yeah?”

You took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah.”

It didn’t sound believable but hey, it was still early.

“Don’t worry. When we get to the main event--,” Dr Olumichi gestured to the sonogram machine. “You’ll be whistling a different tune. Ultrasounds and sonograms are completely different experiences. All right so you are precisely 19 weeks. Welcome to your 5th month. You are practically halfway there.”

“Already? She just started,” Villie chimed in.

“She didn’t. It’s just that she just found out about it because this was a cryptic pregnancy, a definite one especially seeing that they are twins. You’ve gone through the normal time for morning sickness and the drain of energy. The next 2 months are known as the sweet spot of pregnancy, your energy levels out often times you get some energy. It’s known as the most comfortable time before you are too big to move or see your feet. So enjoy this time.”

You nodded and tried to remain present and not panic. As Dr. Olumichi explained what was happening inside of your body with the babies then to your body with you, she went further to explain what you should expect over the next few weeks. As she listed some of the not so cute and fun things to expect your face went from neutral to slightly worried. She immediately noticed and did her best to soothe any worries by offsetting them with more realistic positives.

“You look overwhelmed,” Dr. Olumici said taking a break from information dumping.

You sighed, then took a deep breath. “It’s a lot to take in.”

“I can imagine. However, you are in good hands Y/N. I’ve been doing this a long time and the way I work with my moms to be is in a partnership. You worry about remaining healthy and stress free and taking your vitamins and precautions for your safety and I will handle the rest. I will help ensure that you are ready for what happens in fourish months and immediately after.”

Her smile was warm and her eyes kind and instantly you felt at ease.

“Here at Mom to Be & Baby to Be we are more than just gynecology and obstetrics. I pride myself on this organizations work with really working with mothers and ensuring that they have all the resources and help for this lifetime journey. A more prepared mom is a happier and more successful mom,” Dr. Olumici finished.

“That sounds amazing,” Villie said. “Oh my god, Y/N, she’s amazing.”

You smiled and nodded, agreeing wholeheartedly. The remainder of the appointment progressed with Dr. Olumici going over your blood work and levels while explaining any risks that were relevant to you. She then took care with measuring your belly growth as well as the babies inside. When she set up the sonogram machine both you and Villie perked up.

“All right the main event. Another thing to think about is if you want to know the sex of the babies.”

“Of course,” Villie squeaked before you could even process the sentence.

She spun around to look at you then made a “yikes” face. “Yes, right?”

You thought for a minute but just as you were going to say yes you thought about experiencing that moment with Lewis. When you thought that you nearly rolled your eyes into the back of your skull. How in the hell would you experience it with him? He didn’t even know and for all you knew he would probably deny that they were his. You must have remained silent for too long or your face betrayed your conflict because Villie’s hand engulfed yours.

“It’s okay. We don’t have to find out.”

“No um—I was just thinking—yeah we can find out. that would be nice.”

“Are you sure? If you would want to wait for the father or some other time--.”

Villie gasped, “Is that your hang up? That is an option, it could be a good thing to wait for him it could be something to ease the news down.”

You shook your head. “No, no. I want to know.”

“Okay. Then let’s give these movie stars their close up,” Dr. Olumici joked as you grabbed the bottle of gel and stood from her stool.

You watched as she squirted an ample amount of gel onto your protruding belly. It was warmer than you’d expected, and you guessed it had to have been heated. As she approached with the Doppler wand, you tried to calm your rapidly beating heart. You didn’t know if you were excited or nervous. It could have been a mixture of both at this point. You’d accepted your situation, but you didn’t think you’d crossed the threshold of being happy about it.

“Okay, let’s see.”

Your doctor moved the wand over your belly, spreading the gel as she went. The sound in the room amplified and filled making you feel as if you were underwater. Three pairs of eyes were glued to the screen waiting for the first appearance of a little body.

“Hm, there’s aren’t many places they can hide at this stage, but I see they want to play hide and seek.”

Suddenly, empty greyness changed to darker grey imaging and then the room filled with out of sync heartbeats.

“Ah-ha, there they are.”

Villie gasped, covered her mouth, then snapped her head to you.

“There are your babies.”

You gaped at the screen staring at their small bodies and allowing the sound of their hearts to fill you.

“Holy shit. This is real.”

“Oh yeah. This is as real as it gets,” Dr. Olumici said.

She tapped across the keyboard then the image magnified leaving you with a clear image that had now turned from shades of grey and white to amber and honey hues.

“They look wonderful at first glance. Let’s go more in depth though.”

You watched your doctor get a view from every angle imaginable. With each angle change, she tapped across the keyboard freezing the image for a few seconds before moving on. Each new image made your heart slow rather than speed up. It was as if the nerves from before were stilling and dissipating, like before nothing made sense but now everything made sense.

“So as a whole, they look great. They are measuring well. The only thing I see is they are maybe 2 or 3 centimeters off to where I would want them to be, but I will credit you not knowing you were pregnant and the need for some vitamins and a balanced diet. Now that you are aware you are eating for three hopefully they will catch up because in the earlier months is when twins gain their most weight. When the womb becomes cramped, growing becomes tough and uncomfortable. So let’s really aim for 3 full balanced meals and two to three nutritious snacks a day.”

You nodded.

“All right. So—sex?”

“I’m not having any.”

Villie snorted.

“No, no. Do you want to know the sex?”

Biting your bottom lip you thought it over once more. Curiosity was pecking away at you and though Villie was right, if you did tell Lewis about the pregnancy finding out the genders together would be a way to drive it home and or bond over the moment. The debate in your head was annoying because each side of the argument gave good points, however, curiosity won with you each and every time.

“Let’s do it.”

The two other women in the room smiled then focused back onto the screen.

“All right, let’s do it.”

Dr. Olumici took just a few moments and each second that ticked away made your heart pound even harder. This was excitement. When Villie saw a smile on your face she squeezed your hand.

“You’re excited too right? It’s not just me.”

“I’m excited,” you said finally and truly meant it.

“Ha, the easiest inquiry,” Dr. Olumici began with a snort. “These babies are not shy.”

“Wonder where they get that from,” Villie said eying you.

You rolled your eyes and leaned closer to the screen. “What are they?”

“This one on the left is a boy and on the right is his sister.”

Your eyes bugged as an “oof” escaped you. You felt like you’d just gotten a foot to gut but it didn’t hurt.

“What was that!?”

“I just saw it. That would be your daughter asserting herself early with a kick.”

Your jaw dropped. “Oh my god. Really?”

Your doctor nodded as a wave of euphoria washed over you. You remembered this feeling. It was similar to how you felt when you’d gotten the call that a broadcasting channel wanted to pay you to travel officially and put you on every streaming device across the globe. You felt like that but only 100 times better. The kick to the gut came again and again.

“Oh my god.”

“They’re really awake now. Say hello mom.”

You stared at the screen at the two life forms that were growing inside of you with awe and wonderment. You didn’t know they existed a few short weeks ago but now that you knew and had seen and felt them you couldn’t ever imagine going back. You couldn’t believe your situation now. In theory you knew how babies were made and everyone knew that whenever they had sex there was always some chance of one being made but no one ever thought that they would really make one even if they didn’t use protection. Looking back pregnancy was the last thing on your mind that night and now it was the first.

The remainder of the appointment went by in a blur. You went through everything related to the pregnancy and your concerns and fears with Dr. Olumici then made a detailed calendar of appointments and check-ins. By the time you left 3 hours had passed and you were equipped with every kind of tool known to pregnant women support known to the mental health field plus one auntie-godmother who was just as equally on cloud nine as you were.

~~~~~~~~

Now sitting in a corner booth at Cheesecake Factory you were fully indulging your craving for cheesecake with not one but three slices of your faves while staring haplessly at the sonogram pictures of your babies.

“You look so in love,” Villie said.

You looked across at her with a wide smile.

“Cheesecake and a belly full of cute babies. How can I not be?”

She chuckled then sighed. “They are cute. Totally unfair to the rest of society, I mean you see the gene pool. I saw some resemblance in the forehead area.”

You snorted. “You know you not right.”

Villie laughed then took a sip of her drink. “I kid. I kid.”

You sighed then put a large forkful of cheesecake into your mouth. “Think this counts as a balanced meal?”

“No, Y/N, but I think it definitely counts as 1 of 3 nutritional snacks.”

You smiled wide. “I love you.”

“Happy wife, happy life,” Villie teased.

Just then her phone rang drawing both of your attention to it. The smile on her face told you just who it was.

“Go ahead.”

“Hello?”

She sounded like a lovesick freshman who was so under the spell of her paramour that everything and everyone else ceased to exist. ‘When you saw her twirl a thick strip of dark curls around her finger you scoffed. Must be nice, you thought before your mind went back to all those weeks ago when you’d felt anything close to what she felt.

The memory of Lewis’ hand brushing against your cheek sparked a heat inside of you that gently simmered until the memory of his thick thumb slid across your bottom lip. That slow, simmering heat kindled into a mild inferno. The more you remembered from your night together, the hotter you became. Thankfully, before you could fall deep into this dangerous desire you still felt when you thought about him, you felt Villie’s hand on your arm.

Her eyes were boring into you. “Are you all right? Is it—,” she asked dropping her eyes to your stomach.

“No, no. I’m fine. Sorry. I just—zoned out.”

Villie nodded and then brought the phone back to her ear. “Call me when you land. Okay. Bye.”

When she dropped her phone back into her purse, she looked at you.

“Miles come into town?”

Villie nodded but she didn’t make eye contact with you.

“So y’all have a date tonight?”

“Not quite.”

“It’s okay Villie, we don’t have to hang out every night. I will be fine alone. Honestly, I’m not alone anymore,” you said cradling your newly popped bump.

“No, I um—I told him I wanted you to meet him.”

Your eyes bugged then. “You did what? When?”

“Tonight?”

“Yeah. I really want to know what you think of him before things go any further.”

“Villie—.”

“I know. I promise I didn’t bring it up to back you into a corner or anything. I was actually planning for it to happen before you told me about the pregnancy. I’m sorry.”

You took a deep breath and tried not to freak out.

“Don’t apologize. I get it. It’s fine, it’s what we do.”

“So, it’s okay?”

“Yeah. We’ll do a late dinner.”

Villie jumped out of her seat and onto you, throwing her arms around your neck, “Thank you, Y/N. I swear I will take your lead about the pregnancy.”

You smiled and tried to hide the rising panic you felt. Your once hectic but simple life had now turned into a damn episode of Jane the Virgin.

~~~~~~~~~

-That Night-

Though you’d tried to find ways to get out of the dinner you found yourself sitting beside Villie in a cab on your way to Island Gardens restaurant. You could feel Villie’s excitement rolling off of her, but you could tell she was also nervous. She knew you would not be shy about assessing him and letting her know what you thought of him.

You were notorious for being picky about the men she entertained. You always had been ever since the douche from college who had the audacity to ghost her after knocking her up. You refused to let another asshole slip through the ranks especially knowing how much of a catch your best friend was. Any man who intended to even step a pinky toe into her personal space had to pass the test. You didn’t give half a shit if it meant you were called too picky. All it meant was any man better rise to the fucking occasion.

You dropped your hand to Villie’s knee hoping to steady her leg that had not stopped shaking since you’d gotten in the car.

“It’s okay Villie. Calm down.”

She took a deep breath then slowly released it. “What if you don’t like him?”

“V, if he has passed your wards, then I am sure he’ll appease me.”

She snorted then dropped her head to your shoulder. “You’ll like him.”

She sounded as if she were trying to convince herself more than you and you couldn’t help but laugh. You hadn’t seen her like this in a long, long time. It was too cute. By the time the car rolled up to the front of the restaurant, she’d calmed down some, but your nerves were rising. It had taken an hour to find something that hid your belly. Then it took another hour to find something that not only hid your belly but didn’t make you look bloated. The dress you wore now was something you hadn’t worn in a long time, but it did the trick—mostly. You still felt as if it drew attention to your midsection and other parts of your body that were new thanks to baby 1 and baby 2.

“Reservation?”

Then hostess smiled widely showcasing her perfectly straightened teeth and corner dimples.

“We’re meeting someone here,” Villie managed to get out.

“Okay, sure thing. Name please?”

Villie leaned closer and spoke lowly. “Miles.”

The hostess looked at her then you and smiled softly as she tapped the letters into the keyboard.

“Got them. Thea will take you to your table. Have a good night.”

Villie smiled, looped her arm with yours again then walked off behind a gorgeous woman who was tall enough to be a model and so svelte you felt envious because you were so far from svelte now and had no hope of being that way again for many more months.

“Follow me, ladies.”

You pushed the thoughts out of your head and brought yourself back to the moment. When you heard Villie release a small gasp you knew she’d spotted Miles. Seconds later she’d let go of your arm and was in his. You watched as they kissed as if they hadn’t seen each other in months when you were sure it was merely weeks. You thanked the seater then waited for them to finish. However, when they should have finished, his hand slid down to cup her ass. Villie giggled then which triggered his sort of giggle. Part of you felt so happy for her but the other part cringed a little.

“Mm. Oh. Baby,” Villie began turning to you. “Officially meet my best friend in the entire world, Y/N. Bestie this is Miles.”

He had to have been 7 feet tall. Even with you in heels, he was still towering over you. You approached him and shook his outstretched hand, but he pulled you toward him and kissed both your cheeks like some rich cosmopolitan. You were so taken off guard that you didn’t realize the hand you had shaken seconds before was nudged between your bodies and pressing against your burgeoning belly.

Oh shit, you thought as you tried to act normal and not panic because you knew it would bring more unwanted attention. You put distance between you and smiled.

“It’s nice to officially meet you Miles.”

“You too. Valenza talks about you all the time. I feel like I know you personally already.”

You giggled and looked at Villie who was staring at this man like he hung the stars each and every night in the sky. You could not believe the whole switch in her. You’d never seen her like this with someone.

“Same,” you replied with a smile.

The three of you moved to the table and as you got situated you watched how Miles pulled out her seat, made sure she sat down first, then proceeded to make sure she was comfortable. Then he hurried over to catch your seat before you pulled it out for yourself. You thanked him as you sat then watched as he whispered something to Villie that made her lean to kiss his cheek. It was then you knew that by the end of the night, you’d vomit from all this sweetness.

Most guys that Villie had you meet treated the meeting as something casual or something that didn’t mean anything. They cracked weird pedo jokes, freely groped her, and showcased some questionable behaviors that anyone would think were weird. Some even went above and beyond with their efforts to impress you. Some told completely unrealistic stories and flat-out lies that were obvious lies but expected you to swallow them as facts. Rarely did you meet anyone who tried to impress you naturally.

Throughout appetizers, Miles treated Villie like a queen. He fed her food off his plate, made sure her wine glass was never empty, occasionally nudged her, which spoke of an inside joke that she understood. The thing that made you warm a little towards him was how he looked at her when she wasn’t looking at him. He looked at her the way your grandfather looked at your grandmother—full of awe and wonder.

As you moved on to main courses, every time Villie laughed his eyes lit up like Christmas morning. It was adorable. When he began asking you about yourself you gathered he was unlike other men she’d dated. As you told him about your job, hobbies, and stories about Villie that both of you experienced he genuinely looked entertained and interested.

However, it was when his questions about you got more detailed did you know that he was really serious about her. Any man who took the time to get to know his girl’s best friend understood simplistic reasoning and the simplistic reasoning was that this was a test, and the best friend is the end all be all. If she approved then not only would she not be a problem for him, but she would become his ally.

After dinner, which Miles paid for, the three of you made moves to go to another venue but you’d seen enough. You pulled Villie into a hug.

“He’s great. Be happy.”

Her smile was so bright that you had to cringe away from her.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. My only caution is maybe to stay away from deep penetrative positions because his height says you will die.”

Villie screeched loudly then laughed so loud that everyone that was nearby stared.

“Oh my god! Y/N!”

You laughed.

“My mama ain’t raise no bitch!”

You snorted, shook your head then nodded because you knew this caution fell on deaf ears.

“What’s so funny over here?”

“Nothing. I’m going to head out,” you replied.

“So soon? You sure you don’t want to hang? I heard of this cool exhibit tonight,” Miles began.

“No, no, it’s all good. I’m actually a little tired. It’s been a long day.”

“Oh. Okay. It was really good to meet you officially and I’m glad you’re doing better and feeling better.”

“Yeah. Thank you so much for understanding again. I swear I will never rearend you again.”

The two of you chuckled.

“Hey, what are you doing this weekend?”

“Um—uh--.”

“I’m not trying to be weird or anything I swear.”

“Not trying to set up some best friend threesome?”

Miles snorted. “God no. Valenza is—more than enough,” he said staring at her.

From the look they exchanged you knew just what they would be doing the rest of the night.

“And—I don’t think threesomes are recommended in your—condition.”

Your eyes widened as Miles motioned to your stomach. He could tell?

“You can—wait—you—what do you know?”

Miles looked to Villie then you then back to Villie. “Uh—that you’re—pregnant. I’m not judging it’s cool. I mean you can barely tell but I hugged you and then you weren’t drinking or anything so--.”

You looked at Villie who also looked ready to panic.

It’s no big deal. I promise. Congratulations to you. What I meant was that this weekend is the Miami Grand Prix, and I can get you guys in for the VIP experience.”

You felt like you’d heard that from somewhere but for the life of you, you couldn’t figure out where or what it was. Maybe it was because it had taken him moments to guess you were pregnant then 2 hours tops to confirm it. The blank look on your face must have been the dead giveaway for him because he chuckled a little.

“Are you a fan?”

“Fan? Oh—yeah totally. That sounds cool,” you said hoping to steer the conversation away from you being pregnant.

“Cool. So tomorrow starts the weekend. You and Valenza can come together, meet up there?”

“Sure.”

Just then your Lyft pulled up and you hugged Villie once more then waved to Miles before you got in. While the car pulled off you waved to them both then leaned back once they were out of sight.

“Oh my god!”

You dropped your head into your hands and proceeded to panic the entire ride home.

~~~~~~~

-The Next Day-

You took another sip from your café cup which held a large pomegranate tea. You were already missing caffeine and everything it brought to your life. Not only were you up not long after the sun came up but you were also dressed and already on the move.

“Are you as tired as I am?”

You took a sip from your cup then sighed.

“I am, but I think we’re tired for different reasons—me tossing and turning and growing two humans, you tossing and turning getting your back, cervix ovaries and soul blown out like a circus acrobat.”

Villie snorted then cackled. The driver glanced into the rearview mirror for a moment then looked back to the road.

“Oh my god. Look don’t judge me. I’m just trying to keep up with you,” she teased.

You rolled your eyes. “Ha-ha-ha!”

Another sip of tea filled you and you groaned wishing it was a large macchiato with an extra shot of espresso.

“Also, hello he sent you a chauffeured car?”

Villie smiled widely then twirled your hair.

“My baby knows how to take care of me,” Villie added.

“My baby? Damn, that was quick. I take it y’all got labels now?”

“We labeled up! That’s my man, he my boo.”

You smiled then nudged her. “I’m happy for you Villie. He seems like a good guy, and I love the way he treats you.”

“Thank you. I’m happy,” she said.

You smiled and looked back at the road. The car zipped by a billboard with the same words Miles said last night, “Miami Grand Prix”. Again something nagged at your brain, something like recognition but it wasn’t quite recognition. It felt like something was blocking the part of your brain responsible for your memory of what it meant.

Ten or so minutes later the car pulled up then stopped.

“We’ve arrived, ma’am.”

After thanking the driver, you and Villie got out and then marveled at the sea of people bustling around. As you joined them and walked toward an entrance you took notice of several people dressed wearing Ferrari, Mercedes, McLaren, and Red Bull items. You knew those brands.

“Villie, what exactly is the Miami Grand Prix? I swear it sounds familiar, but I can’t remember why or how.”

The look on Villie’s face was one of confusion. “I don’t know. I thought you knew.”

“Did you Google?”

“Girl my hands have been kinda busy for the last 12 hours.”

You cringed and shook your head. It was then you saw Miles standing just ahead.

“Hey! You guys made it.”

He hugged Villie then kissed her while babying her as if he hadn’t seen her less than 12 hours ago. You silently prayed this was not what you were in store for all day.

“You guys ready?”

“Yes!”

You had no idea where she’d found this burst of energy when she was half asleep moments ago in the car. The three of you walked on and with every step you took more and more things pointed to what this really was. When a woman passed by wearing a shirt with Lewis’ face you stopped in your tracks.

“Everything okay?”

“Um—this is Miami Grand Prix, racing—F1, right?”

“Yeah.”

Villie’s eyes widened then as it hit her as well. Miles looked at her then back to you and his confusion was evident.

“Is something wrong?”

“Uh--.”

You tried to come up with a reason to leave, or something to say to cover what was really wrong.

“No, no. Nothing is wrong.”

“Okay. Come on, the VIP experience includes paddock access with Mercedes,” he said as he walked on.

Holy shit, you thought. This was bad. This was very, very bad. Seeing no way out that wouldn’t lead to you having to confess you were carrying the babies of the man whose paddock you were on your way to, you proceeded to follow Miles. Every so often Villie looked back at you asking you with her eyes if you were all right. You’d spoken nonverbally long enough to easily pass your panicked message, “Help”.

Just as you were about to pull out your phone and fake a work emergency Miles stopped. “Welcome to the Mercedes paddock. Now Lewis isn’t here right now he’s already getting into his car but after I can get you and introduction if you’re down.”

You and Villie again exchanged quick looks before Miles continued to show you around and introduce you around. After almost twenty minutes you found yourself sitting in front of a TV with the race about to start. That was when Villie shimmied up to you.

“What do we do?”

“I don’t know. I’ve been trying to figure it out,” you whispered back.

“I can come up with an excuse for us to leave.”

“Wouldn’t that be weird? I said I was a fan. Would a fan really get up and leave a VIP experience or a once in a lifetime experience?”

“Hell yeah they would if the VIP experience is with their secret babies’ daddy,” Villie aggressively whispered back.

You chewed your bottom lip even more intently. Then the start of events sound rang out and everyone brought their attention to the largest television in the room. Within seconds, the race began, then cars sped off. You watched in somewhat awe as the controlled chaos of a start turned into the cars forming a neat traffic line. This was your first in-person race. You’d seen a few on TV and watched a lot of recap highlights but this was your first in-person one and the atmosphere was intense. You couldn’t look away from the screen or move a muscle because it was that interesting.

Before you knew it, 20 laps had gone by, and with each lap, the lead changed and when the lead changed so did the line-up. On the 6th lap, Lewis made a swift cut-off and overtook Red Bull for the number 1 spot. Then in the 19th lap, the first collision happened that barely missed Lewis. That had you on your feet so quickly that you nearly lost your balance.

Now you were standing with your hands on your stomach because as soon as the excitement picked up so did the activity in your belly. It was as if they knew their father was once again racing toward greatness. Just when everyone in the Mercedes room was beginning to relax, Red Bull attempted another overtake. The fender of the Red Bull car clipped the bumper of Lewis’ car which sent his car slanting sideways and skidding. Everyone in the room gasped, some even cursed at the brazenness of the Red Bull driver.

However, with the loss of control of his back wheels, Lewis’ car otherwise remained in complete control. He didn’t swerve wildly or burn out, he kept his lead and even managed to block any further attempts to steal his lead. Thinking of the sheer skill that took had your jaw dropped and both your hands cradling your babies—his babies.

“That’s what I’m talkin’ about!”

Miles’ voice boomed around the room when Lewis not only straightened out but inched further into a lead.

“Wow,” you marveled as a wave of intense attraction washed over you.

You wanted to do nothing more than to throw yourself on him and lick his neck no matter how sweaty it was and that was just the beginning of all you wanted to do to him. The raw force of that wave bowled you off of your feet and back into your seat. Fuck, you thought. This was not good. You thought you’d moved past this and had gotten it out of your system. You thought that one night was more than enough for you, that you’d lived out every wanton desire and urge. Feeling the heat spread through you now told you that was more than likely not the case.

Two hours later as Lewis screeded to a stop after securing P1 the entire Mercedes room was filled with celebration. The man you’d spent the last two hours talking with patted you on the back then went in for a high five. “I think you might be his good luck charm.”

“Ha! I think now. He just happens to be the GOAT,” you countered.

He chuckled. “I have to have him meet you. I think you two would hit it off. I know everyone around here would love to see him settled.”

Your eyes bugged but as you were about to speak, someone else did.

“That’s Toto for you. He and Suzie are steadily trying to marry him off,” a dark-skinned man the exact replica of Lewis said. "I don't mind, at least maybe I will get some grandchildren soon," he finished.

“Hahaha, Anthony my man,” Toto said with a chuckle.

The two men shook hands as you watched on with wide eyes. You’d seen pictures of Lewis’ father plenty of times. When they stood side by side the resemblance was really uncanny. The only difference was their skin tone, otherwise, Lewis was the spitting image of him.

“What a good race today,” Anthony said.

“I agree. I was just telling Y/N that she might be Lewis’s good luck charm. Miami hasn’t trusted him this well in a while,” Toto added.

Anthony Hamilton looked at you and smiled so warmly you couldn’t help but smile back.

“Y/N. Are you--.”

“No, no. I am no one. My best friend happens to be dating his best friend so here I am. Sort of like a 3rd wheel,” you blabbered.

“We all start from somewhere,” Toto slid in making Anthony snort.

“Well I can tell from your eyes that you’re a kind person. My son could use as many kind people around him as he can get. This business is fickle and cold.”

You caught the chill in his voice and from the look on Toto’s face both men were in a nonverbal agreement.

“Fickle and cold, huh. That’s good. At least you know where you stand with people. I’d take that over fake kindness and hidden agendas. Let a snake be a snake in the open. If I see the snakes in front of me I know my moves ahead of time. I’m sure Lew—your son is the same way. Prepare for war in secret and in the open but kill em’ in silence with kindness and skill which gives proven results.”

The two men glanced at each other then back to you with expressions you weren’t sure how to place.

“Did I say something wrong?”

“No. It’s just you sounded like Lewis there. He says prepare in the open but move in silence,” Anthony informed.

You shrugged, “Eh, mine is better.

Again both men laughed.

“You’re right Toto, I think they would hit it off.”

“See. They complement each other.”

This was too freaky for you, so you quickly changed the subject. “Uh, it was a good race. So much so I’m wiped.”

You stretched your arms as you fake yawned. You watched Anthony’s eyes dip to your midsection but before he could speak you pulled your long cardigan together. “Congratulations to you Mr. Hamilton and team Mercedes. I’m going to go on and get out of here.”

Slipping past the two men who attempted to protest your departure, you shimmied up to Villie and slyly told her you were leaving. She didn’t try to stop you at all. She knew the risk that this was. It wasn’t that you didn’t want Lewis to know that you were pregnant, you just didn’t want right now to be when he found out. You knew what it felt like to be blindsided by this news and right here and now would definitely blindside him. Plus, you weren’t 100% ready to see him again after your night together, especially with you still being attracted to him. That was a recipe for disaster—it all was.

So you slipped away with no one being the wiser. The only pair of eyes that followed you as you left was Anthony Hamilton’s and his brow said that he was more than curious as to why.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[daftpatience]

Turned 30 last November, and had started T in September, I've been wanting this for years but wasn't ready mentally, but now I want it all, the meds the top surgery, the hysterectomy eventually too... But I was super concerned about what top surgery could look like on my body ... But k have a very similar build to you and it literally brought me so much joy to see results that made me go !!!!!!!! I have a dr appointment next month and gonna ask to begin my process for top surgery thanks to you sharing your experience so big big thank you ! ( Also could you share what was your recovery wishlist stuff? I could see you received nice pillows and Im curious what you'd recommend as well ?)

ahh congrats im really happy for you!!

and yea i can share the wishlist stuff lemme see - u dont need to get these specific exact brands of things but i'll link them anyways for the visual aid and searchability + explain each thing:

triangle wedge pillow & pregnancy pillow - sitting more upright & supported on the sides like that really helps healing. getting it early to practice sleeping upright-er really helps. my first few nights with it were really rough and i'm glad i wasn't post-op yet.

bidet - it is difficult to bend forwards or sideways at first, so one of these is rlly helpful if you don't want to ask for help wiping your ass.

bath wipes - you can't shower for the first little while and won't be able to get your chest wet for longer, so being able to spot clean helps. your armpits are going to smell weirdbad for awhile due to the proximity to healing stuff.

bromelain - the pineapple enzyme that eats u. it helps to reduce swelling and inflammation after surgery, lots of surgeons will recommend it. i definitely felt like it helped during the first couple weeks post-op 'cus i missed it for a couple days on the 2nd week it was a much angrier red in the area and i felt extra swollen and sore.

bandage tape, bandage pads, polysporin - after the first week you're gonna be changing out bandages daily on the areas your surgeon recommends (usually nipple grafts and drain holes) until they are no longer wet and oozing. if your scar decides to spit stitches anywhere it'll open up a bit until the stitch is out (and then close again!) & you'll want to cover those areas too. this will all last way longer than you expect. you'll need a lot of these.

silicone scar gel and silicone scar strips - only to be used after all the scabs are gone. they improve the appearance of the scar + the tape helps keep it from stretching out. they're more for long-term results so idk how well they worked, i basically used up one pack and then got tired of doing it. some people develop allergies to it so if they make you really red and itchy talk to your doctors!

reusable bendy straws - lifting a cup to your mouth is not a recommended motion to be doing at first. i picked these types because i hate the taste and feel of metal/silicone straws + they're a little wider and i don't like how skinnier straws make soda fizz so much from the higher pressure/narrower passage lol. that's just me being picky. i like these though and still use them often!

[batwynn]

This is how far I’m expected to drive/be driven for a ten minute appointment (9 minutes of waiting for the dr to come in plus an additional half hour in the waiting room) where he says, “The Humira still working?” And I say, “Yep.” And he says, “Keep using it then and see you next year.” Meanwhile, I spend $100’s on gas, get car sick the entire time, go through 20+ masks for every pit stop along the way while literally risking my fucking health because I’m immunocompromised from the fucking Humira that this is all for, then another $300-500 on a hotel room while the cats are left alone for two days and a night, and then we turn around and drive all this again the next day.

One minute of face to face time with an egotistical dick fleck so I can keep getting a life saving medication. 10+ hours in a car, money I do not have, stress on my already shitty body, stress on my mother’s already shitty body (sorry mom), and stress on my cats.

That’s what I’m expected to do because literally no one fucking else can take over the script. Because it’s ‘our policy to have one in-person appointment to do a physical exam’ that they never fucking do. No, accommodations can’t be made. No, I can’t do tele-health like I do for all my other appintments over the year, it’s policccyyy.

I’ve been diagnosed years ago. I know what works and what doesn’t. I know a thousand times more about the condition than the dick fleck with google does because I actually talk to other people who have the disease and keep up on the medical research. I know what to do if the medication stops working. I know what to expect. All I need is someone to sign a fucking piece of paper every few months, but I can’t have that unless I do all that.

So guess what?

I’m not doing it.

If my body wants to eat itself, it can. Fuck them. Fuck this state. Fuck this medical system. Fuck this country.

[ellesthots]

Fateful Beginnings

XXI. “belonging”

parts: previous / next

plot: somehow, you always find your way back home. Batman gets an intriguing lead on John Doe.

pairing: battinson!bruce wayne x fem!reader

cw: 18+, dead body, cancer, confrontation, depression

words: 3.2k

Tears studded your cheeks as you vented to Mar about the morning's happenings. She'd never liked Dr. Vry, and at some point the conversation had exploded into a rant about the subpar character of the woman. "Remember when she accidentally input my A as a C and told me 'fate' must have guided her grade input? Then didn't fucking change it because of fucking, written in the stars bullshit? Fucking tanked my GPA."

"I just don't get it. The email said nothing about him, she said nothing about reporting on him besides being excited he would be there." You collapsed flat on your back in a starfish pose. "It was like she expected me to be starstruck by him or something. Like that was the only course of action." Like everyone else seems to be. The world caters to flashy, superficial things.

"Fuck her! You don't need her!"

You stared at her blankly for a moment. "Except for my housing, my food, my plane tickets back home?"

"How much an hour is it? Like $15?"

"$43."

"Oh fuck, in this economy you should've said you'd suck his dick, too."

Maybe you were spending a little too much time with her. "I feel like alluding to me doing anything with that man should be a crime." You flopped back on your bed and checked the time--it was barely past noon. You hadn't even managed to be at the job until the afternoon... shame threatened to cocoon you faced with such obvious failure. At this point you remembered the check Dr. Vry had sent would arrive today, and a few minutes later you sat inputting the code you'd been mailed to your digital check.

You spent the next twenty minutes listening to Mar continue to rant while you ordered some groceries. By that point she'd gotten a text from one of her friends for their Friday night bar hangout and had dismissed herself, leaving you tethered to your house as you waited to stock your fridge. You watched out the window as she got into an Uber, and after she was gone for sure, and just as the check deposited, you called your mom. Moreso even than the likely imminent firing, the stress of her health threatened to spiral you off the deep end. She picked up on the third ring. She sounded tired.

"Hey, hun." She cleared her throat, then yawned. You heard a small buzzing sound in the background, then heard a small meow. Another night he spent purring and cuddling her. Thanks, Walter. God, you were so glad she had him. "Everything alright? The photos you sent of your apartment were really good, I showed them to Debbie and she couldn't believe it! 'In GOTHAM?' is what she told me!"

To tell or not to tell about the troubles this week held? She yawned again. Not the time. "You sound tired." Your grip tightened around the phone.

She sighed. "My doctors moved my appointment to six thirty in the morning, can you believe that?" She tsk-d.

"How'd the appointment go?"

"Oh just fine. I had to sign a bunch of paperwork and talk to practically everyone in the place." She sounded bored and vaguely annoyed, which she hadn't been before. Irritability a potential side effect?

"Did the shot hurt?" Small talk, but what else was there to discuss? Your likely firing?

"Nope." She began cooing to Walter, who became exponentially louder with his purr.

"How's your arm? Any side effects yet?" God, why did things feel so dry today? Did Gotham really create so much distance already between you and your family? Were you just anxious and overthinking? Was she annoyed?

"My my, they must have you busy with interviewing skills."

You opened your mouth to respond, but she questioned you instead. "When are you coming back hon?"

This question confused you. "Uh, whenever you need me to, but I thought starting next month? For the injections?" You twirled with a frayed end on your blanket. Can I still return this? It's been like a week and it's already tearing apart... she snapped you out of your wandering with her next sentence.

"Sure, your dad and I are going on a cruise this week."

A cruise? Right after her first dose of an experimental cancer drug? With unknown side effects? "Mom, your treatment,"

"Oh we'll only be gone a week. Won't interfere with my next appointment." Walter meowed again. Who would be taking care of him?

"I mean, okay. I just think with not knowing the side effects of your first dose,"

"The way I see it dear is this might be the best I ever get to feel."

That sentence hit like a ton of bricks atop bruised ribs. "Couldn't you wait a week, just see the side effects?"

"The cruise leaves the port tomorrow."

"Mom,"

"We still can't believe that donor. Whoever they are, they really opened our finances up. Your father's been saving for years to try and make that initial bulk payment,"

You recalled the argument they'd had when your mother's cancer was initially found. Your mom wanted to start a payment plan immediately, but your dad thought if he put it into deferment for a few years and made payments to a high yield savings account every month their money would 'go exponentially further'. You hadn't cared much at the time, mostly because money stressed you the hell out, and at the time you were trying to avoid thinking about your mother's prognosis. Before you could decide what to say next, your dad had walked into the room and starting shouting loud enough for you to hear on the phone.

"Hey sweets, how are you and that Wayne guy doing?"

"I don't know how else to tell you guys I don't like him. We don't talk." This conversation was going nowhere, and you could smell an impending argument if you stayed on even another minute. You needed to check on one last thing before hanging up. "Who's looking after Walter?"

"Oh don't worry about that,"

"I am worried. Do you need me to come back to watch him?"

"Debbie will be stopping in throughout the week to check on him."

Walter was never very fond of Debbie; whenever she came over, in fact, he ran and hid. If you knew Debbie any less you might think Walter was placing judgment on her character, but no: she was just very loud, her laugh sounding a bit like a stampede. Walter was never very skittish, but after enough startles, he'd come to hide whenever he heard her come around. His discomfort was all you needed. "Tell her not to come, I'm coming home for the week."

"Hon," your mom began to chastise you, but you refused to let her finish. "No, no, I'm coming home tomorrow and I will stay with him. Case closed." After saying goodbye and lying about having already bought a nonrefundable ticket, you hung up and bought the earliest flight for tomorrow: 11am. You did your best to avoid thoughts of how the thousand Dr. Vry had sent was already disappearing, and filled the rest of your evening (sans figuring out what to do with fresh bags of perishable groceries) packing to head back the next day.

The bat signal hadn't lit since Thursday night. Bruce had been left reeling, kicking himself for not following up with Gordon on the owl debacle. He went out every night, and every few hours would move to the usual meeting place with Gordon to find an empty sky. It was Wednesday night before the signal lit again, and by that point Bruce had nearly gaslit himself into thinking the owls hadn't been there in the first place.

Gordon looked morose, but resolved. "We have the autopsy back for our John Doe." He held up a graphic photo of the man, gray and laid out on stainless steel. His chest and abdominal cavities were peeled open and pinned to keep tension, revealing a normal—yet punctured—chest and abdomen. Gordon confirmed its complete lack of novelty. "Nothing. Couldn't even trace back a name. No one posting about a missing husband, child, brother, nephew, friend." He paused to clear his throat. "However, we did find something unusual in one of his fillings."

"Unusual? How?"

"The coroner said he almost didn't catch it, but he runs the deceased through an MRI machine after especially gruesome cases. Normally fillings don't show up on magnets, but these ones did." He held out his other hand, revealing a few small pieces of chipped silvery metal. The metal was extremely slick and had a mirror finish to its shine. "It's a metallic alloy of sorts. I'll send it to the lab for processing."

He nearly asked to take it back to his own lab, but that would pressure the boundaries. Gordon was in a tight spot being seen with Batman. He couldn't push it. "How long until it's processed?"

Gordon shrugged, his nose scrunched like he was still smelling formaldehyde's stench. Bruce thought he might've caught a whiff off his jacket. "Not more than a coupla days. I'll signal for you." If the city was in a better place, if Gordon was in a better mood, he might have winked.

The pause gave Bruce just enough time to speak. He said it casually, without much fuss, as if it were a rolling breeze. "Did you see what was on the knives' handles?"

Gordon sighed. A good one? A bad one? Bruce's eyes trained on him like a hawk. The cowl felt tight. "Chicken scratch, most of 'em."

"Most?" Say more.

"No traceable logo."

Frustration bled into his tone. "Looked like an owl."

Gordon's eyes focused on no particular point on the back wall, his eyes narrowing. What? He saw it too, right? pounded against his ribs to be heard. After what felt like hours Gordon shook his head. "Maybe."

"Maybe?" Was this an elaborate scheme? Did Gordon not see it? Was his, was his mind failing him? It glinted off the light perfectly, the etching was transparent in its shape, the beak, the feathers, the claws...

"You alright?" The Bat was lost in thought, breathing thick and heavy. Bruce nodded. To push, or not to push? Silence hung like smog between them. It was crucial to push it, imperative to reality check his mental faculties. "It didn't resemble an owl to you?"

Gordon shrugged. It gave no information to Bruce, who was close to running out of the room and laying face-down in his pillow the rest of the night while he actively avoided looking further into the death of his great-grandfather. Was his time coming sooner than his had? Was it due to his lack of sociability? Had he been concussed one too many times? His neuronal pathways seized up, the myelin sheaths disintegrated?

"Do you know anything about owls?"

Did Gordon know? Was this a trick question? Wait, he wasn't Bruce. He considered saying he'd seen them in peculiar position throughout town, but moreso than Gordon's rocky relationship with the police force, the man had no idea who Batman was; Bruce had to keep exclusively to formidable behavior due to the weakness of the knot tying them together. A kooky moment, or a Freudian slip could force Gordon to take out some scissors and sever their relationship. Bruce shook his head, and left.

Uber. TSA. Flight. Baggage. Uber. Key. Door. Lock. Walter. Eat. Sleep. Walter. Eat. Sleep. Walter. Eat. Sleep. Walter. The past few days had passed in such inconsequential monotony you resisted the conclusion you weren't alive at all. The only moments of reprieve you gathered were when Walter walked up and jumped into bed beside you, tucking his fluffy back against your stomach. He was the only reason you were able to sleep with the anxiety of your job being in limbo, and your mom having fled the town after her first shot. Your mom had left a note saying that the connection would be spotty on the cruise, but they would be back no later than 5pm the following Friday. Now it was Wednesday, and the food your parents had left was starting to dwindle. Your muscles ached to be moved further than the walk from your bed to the bathroom, your bed to the kitchen, or your bed to the living room couch. You put another ice cube into Walter's bowl, grabbed your helmet that was thankfully still in the hallway closet, and took off for a ride to the grocery store on your mom's old bike.

The air was warm, and the sun threatened to burn every centimeter of exposed skin. You'd forgotten just long enough that the stinging sensation was of hot sun piercing onto skin to where you decided against going back for SPF. You didn't have to worry about such basic, human things in Gotham; the sun barely came out, and when it did it was covered by such dense clouds and thick smog you couldn't begin to feel heat against your skin whatsoever. The buildings were hard and cold, the dense metal keeping you chilled no matter the season. Now the sun accosted you, the wheels of the bike running over fresh leaves and the occasional string of hay. You swerved past clumps of clay dirt that lay in the middle of the road, shut your eyes for a few seconds as you coasted, not having to look out for a pedestrian or car every five feet. This was living, this was where you wanted to be. Tears prickled your eyes as you coasted into the dusty parking lot of WinCo, a local grocery store chain to the PNW. You forgot a bike lock, but the city was small and trusted enough that you never heard about bikes getting stolen, anyway. The initial panic was immediately eased, as well as the tight knot in your chest. Maybe you belonged... here?

You walked into the grocery and went straight for the fruit aisle. As you placed apples and oranges and pears in your basket, you absentmindedly flipped through the past. When you were growing up here, it was too boring. You'd wanted nothing more than to leave. You wanted to see skyscrapers, and big cities, and always have something happening around you. Now that you had experienced the worst of what a city could give, this town with its penetrating sun and lofty trees felt like paradise. A paradise that was quickly interrupted, when you accidentally knocked baskets with Lara. "Oh shit,"

"Y/N?" She pulled her basket in and glanced to her left, at someone who you presumed was her exchange boyfriend. She stared at your shoes, you noticed her cheeks going pink. Tension yanked on your shoulders and your stomach flipped. "Hi. I'm watching Walter while my parents are on a cruise."

"No longer in Gotham?" Her boyfriend turned around when she mentioned The Most Feared City, and walked over. "Gotham? That shitshow? I don't know how anyone can live there."

Fucking prick. A strange defensiveness overtook you. "It's not as bad as people make it out to be." Yes it was. "I'm just visiting home, I have a journalism job back there."

"How's Bruce Wayne?" Her tone was mocking, quite unlike Lara, and you figured it had to be Rose and Gabbi's bitter influence in the time you'd been gone that brought this upon her. Mystery Man's eyes lit up, one of the buttons on his shirt threatened to pop like the bulgy vein in his forehead. "You know Bruce Wayne? The Bruce Wayne?"

"She knows him, alright." She side-eyed the guy and giggled. He laughed, which was startling, and shame bolted through your body like a sticky, sharp rod. He leaned into her ear and said, still loud enough for you to hear and likely purposely so, "Her?"

Before shame could fully envelope you, you righted the wrong; in part because the idea of someone believing Bruce had been inside you made you want to sink into the floor, in another wanting to assuage yourself of guilt. "We haven't fucked. Sorry. I was just trying to get back at losers I thought were my friends."

Lara gasped. "I can't believe you!" It rung hollow in your ear just as Dr. Vry had. If someone put their hand over your head they'd feel steam. "You didn't used to be like this, it's fucking disappointing." You spun around and ignored what she was saying behind you, shoving your feet against the ground, making your calves burn with each grief-consumed footstep. It doesn't matter what they think. It doesn't matter what she's saying. Soon enough you made it across the store to the pantry aisle, pretending to inspect some cavatappi noodles in your quivering hands. The cardboard soaked up your bulleted tears, and you tossed it in your basket after catching a glimpse of your reflection in the boxes' plastic window. You fell to your knees and covered it up pretending to inspect the marinara, not trusting your thighs or knees to keep you steady. Everything hit you all at once, panic rising in your chest and narrowing your esophagus. You grabbed a random sauce and ran to the self checkout, ringing up your two items, grabbing a bag, and taking off for home.

The ride home wasn't as quaint as the one there. The sun wasn't at your backside, now it seared into your bleary eyes as it set, making you unable to see a rock in the road, sending you flying overtop the handlebars. When you touched your knees and elbows, they stung and stained your fingertips red. The last ten minutes of the walk was utter misery, as blood dribbled slowly down your knees and down to your wrists. Walter meowed when you came back, but you couldn't pet him. You turned the water as cold as you could manage to wash away the cakey blood and dirt. Your hands hesitated before lathering the shampoo, and when they scrubbed the back of your head you began to cry again. Your face was hot and your body ice cold. You sat on the floor, pulled your knees up, and wrapped your hands around your chest as sobs shrieked out of you. The water ran pink, then pastel, then clear. Being alive hurt. The thought pounded at the back of your corneas, chafed blisters between your thighs, and spiked the ridges in your throat, that you might never, ever, feel "home". Walter meowed at the door, you turned off the shower, and toweled off to open another can of Friskies.

[goatcheesecak3]

Bus stop Pt. 5

Adam Faulkner-Stanheight x F!reader

M!reader version will be out in the next few days :^)

Includes: brief mentions of past violence, allusion to ptsd/trauma, fluff, angsty themes

Summary: after much persuasion, Adam starts going to therapy. After a few sessions he's ready to face one of his biggest fears.

Adam and y/n sat in the waiting room of the therapist's office. The couple had been together for six months now, and y/n, who had always proudly gone to and advocated for therapy her whole life, had finally convinced Adam to make an appointment. This was y/n's regular therapist, Dr Luther Graham, a grey haired man in his sixties. He was exactly what you would picture if you imagined santa claus working a day job, a plump and rosy cheeked man with a long snowy white beard stuffed into a suit and suspenders. He was the sort of person anyone would feel safe talking to, which is why y/n was so sure that Adam would benefit from a session with him. Of course Adam, who was skeptical about therapy as a whole, was reluctant to pay him a visit, and only conceded that he would be willing to give therapy a try if y/n promised to go with him.

The waiting room felt like a living room from the sixties, with brown walls, art deco chairs (which looked fun, but weren't the most comfortable), and yellow mood lighting. The room felt welcoming, but in a clinical way, as though it was an alien's perception of what a human home was supposed to feel like, Adam supposed. The brown walls were adorned with certificates and plaques boasting Dr Graham's qualifications. Adam assumed that these were meant to inspire confidence in patients that this was a legitimate doctor who knew what he was doing, but for him they only reminded him of his own lack of high school diploma.

Adam's fingers were entangled with y/n's as the pair sat quietly, waiting to be called into the office. He suddenly felt a small squeeze on his hand, and turned to look at y/n.

"You're biting at your lip again, sweetie" she whispered, "what's wrong?"

Adam shook his head

"Just... this is all kinda new to me"

Y/n gave him a sympathetic smile

"Doctor Graham is lovely, I promise, you don't need to be frightened. If you really don't like it once we get in there, we can go straight home, but you'll be so proud of yourself for at least giving it a try"

Adam smiled weakly, and held y/n's hand tighter.

A wooden door creaked open, and out popped a smiling Doctor Graham's head.

"You must be Adam" he beamed, "come on in, I'm sure y/n's already told you about how this all works"

Adam shot y/n a terrified look.

"Oh, Doctor Graham, Adam was hoping I would be able to come in with him for his first session, just to make him feel more safe" y/n said calmly

"That's absolutely fine, whatever makes you most comfortable, Adam" Dr Graham smiled.

In the office were two sofas facing eachother, one which seated Doctor Graham, the other Adam and y/n. The silence was punctuated only by the ticking of an ancient looking grandfather clock, until Dr Graham spoke.

"So Adam, why don't you start by telling me a bit about yourself?

Adam turned to look at y/n, almost for approval. His eyes were asking "can I trust him? Can I tell him about me?"

"Go on, sweetheart, you don't need to be afraid" y/n encouraged him.

Adam let out a deep breath and began to speak.

"My name is Adam, I'm twenty-six and I'm a photographer. Oh, and I was kidnapped by a serial killer a few months back" he scoffed, in that familiar unserious tone.

It wasn't that Adam took what he went through lightly, quite the opposite in fact, it was just that he could only even begin to broach the subject in a jokey manner or else he'd begin to spiral.

"Would you care to elaborate on that last point for me, Adam?" Doctor Graham enquired.

"I don't really like talking about it" Adam replied.

"I understand that, not wanting to talk about a traumatic event isn't unusual. But I'm certain you often think about what you endured. Perhaps you might find some comfort in articulating those thoughts out loud, Adam. Legally I can't tell anyone about what's said in this room, so it would be just as private as your thoughts, only this way you get some advice in return" Dr Graham said.

Adam stared at his feet and considered what the doctor had said. If he was being honest with himself, it sounded like a good deal, but he was still unsure.

"You know, Adam," y/n said,  "maybe you'd feel like you could talk more freely if I stepped outside? People tend to get the most out of therapy when they have privacy"

Adam shook his head

"No, I can't do this without you, don't leave" his voice had a tinge of desperation to it, and his grip on her hand tightened, something which Doctor Graham seemed to pick up on.

"You've made it clear that you feel safer in y/n's company, why is that, Adam? Enlighten me" he asked.

Adam let out a deep breath that he didn't know he was holding.

"Y/n takes care of me and we love eachother, why wouldn't I want her to stay?"

"Well that makes sense, but judging from your reaction when you thought she might leave the room, perhaps it's less to do with you feeling comforted by her presence, but moreso afraid of her absence. Tell me, Adam, have you experienced any significant abandonment in your life?"

Adam was absolutely floored by this, Doctor Graham seemed to be able to read him like a book. His bit his lip and stared at the floor, his body tense and uncomfortable as he shifted in his seat.

"I suppose you could say that, yeah... when I was being held captive there was this doctor who was being held with me, he managed to escape and he said he'd get help but the asshole never came back."

His voice was laced with anger and hurt.

"Thank you for sharing that, Adam, I know that must have been difficult for you" Dr Graham said, "is the fear of abandonment a regular thought for you?"

Adam nodded

"I try not to let it get to me but... I don't know, I guess it's something I worry about a lot"

The conversion got a lot deeper over the hour long session, Adam opened up about his time spent in the bathroom, about how he was scared of the dark and how the sound of metal clanging put him straight back in that room. And of course, how bathrooms as a whole were something he did his best to avoid, only showering if he really had to. Dry shampoo and deodorant had been his best friends for the last few months.

"Well, that about wraps it up for today's session. Well done for being so candid and honest Adam, I hope you'll benefit from this"

"Um... thanks" Adam bit his fingernail nervously, but managed a small smile. He really was proud of himself.

"Do you think maybe... I could book another one of these? For like next week or something?" He asked shyly.

"Of course, I'm very glad you've found this helpful" Doctor Graham beamed, "I'll book you in for the same time next week?"

...

Later that day, y/n was over at Adam's apartment folding up some of his clothes and putting them away, while Adam sat on the bed bundled up with a blanket draped over his shoulders. He had been feeling somewhat vulnerable after opening up and reliving his trauma earlier on, so he was enjoying being babied a bit. Y/n had made him a warm mug of tea and taken care of any chores he needed doing around the apartment, just to give him some time to recover.

Although Adam did indeed look adorable all wrapped up, he was beginning to smell... ripe was the kind way to put it.

"Sweetheart?" Y/n asked

"Hm?"

"I was thinking about what you said earlier, about not liking bathrooms... and I was wondering if I could help you with that?"

Adam froze, his entire body tense and immediately afraid.

"Only if and when you're comfortable, maybe I could run you a bath and I'll get in with you, to make sure you know you're not on your own?"

Adam bit his lip and looked away, embarrassed.

Of course he wanted that in theory, sharing a relaxing bath with his beautiful girlfriend was any man's dream, but the reality? He was frightened. He could barely take a two minute shower, let alone a full bath.

"You don't have to make any decisions yet, but when you're ready I want you to know that I'm here for you, okay?" Y/n said, her voice soft and gentle, as though she were worried that she may scare him away.

Adam nodded, and retreated further into his blanket, feeling uneasy at the prospect of taking a bath.

"Oh sweetheart, come here" y/n said lovingly, taking a seat beside him and wrapping her arms around him, "I don't care how long it takes, I'm never giving up on you baby"

She pressed a kiss into Adam's temple, as his body relaxed and fell into her, clinging onto her tshirt tightly.

...

A week later,  Adam was due to stay at y/n's house overnight. He'd had an appointment with Doctor Graham earlier on in the day, alone this time, and had reached the conclusion that he was ready to tackle his fear of bathrooms. He was terrified, but he knew it was time. He texted y/n.

Adam: I think I want to try having a bath

Y/n: sweetheart, I'm so proud of you! Do you want to try at my place tonight?

Adam: yeah, I think I do

But I'm still really nervous

I might chicken out at the last minute

Y/n: the fact that you're even considering it is such a huge step, well done baby :) how about when you come over, ill run you a bath and you can decide later if you think you're ready to get in. We'll take this at your pace, okay honey?

Adam: that sounds good. Thank you :)

Adam arrived at y/n's apartment feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders. He hated feeling so helpless, so vulnerable. He wanted nothing more than to overcome his fear, but it was difficult for him. Every thought in his brain was screaming at him to turn on his heels and run home, but he wanted to be brave, and he knocked on the door.

Y/n welcomed him in with a smile and a much needed hug, before escorting him to the sofa and placing an already made mug on hot chocolate on the coffee table in front of him. She'd made it just the way Adam liked, with marshmallows and lots of cream- he had a real sweet tooth.

"I know you're nervous, but I want you to know that you don't have to do this if you don't think you're ready. Just relax and enjoy your drink, no one's gonna be upset if you don't think you can do it yet" y/n cooed, sensing Adam's fear before he had even spoke.

"Thank you" he smiled weakly, "I was thinking, maybe we could start with me just standing in the doorway to the bathroom, and I can watch while you run the bath? Just to get myself prepared?"

Y/n felt her heart ache. She was so proud of her sweet boy for being so brave, he really was trying, but it just killed her to see him so scared. Something so small, just being in a bathroom made this grown man tremble with fear like a beaten dog. She silently cursed the name jigsaw for doing this to such a sweet man.

"Alright sweetheart, if you think that might help" she replied, wiping a small bit of hot chocolate off of the corner of Adam's mouth, making him chuckle slightly.

Adam finished his drink, and hesitantly followed y/n to her bathroom. It was a simple room, not much that was worthy of note, but one thing which comforted Adam was the cleanliness of it all. No dirt, no grime, it even had a light floral smell emanating from a bowl of potpourri on the windowsill.

He stood in the doorway to the room, hugging himself and watching longingly as his girlfriend fearlessly entered the room. He wished that he could do that too.

"Alright, babe, I'm gonna turn the tap on now, I'll make sure we get the bath nice and warm okay?"

Adam couldn't speak

"Look, I've even got some bubblebath to try and make it feel a bit less serious" she comforted, showing a bottle of lavender scented bubblebath to him.

"O.. okay" Adam nodded.

As the minutes went by, Adam watched as the tub filled up, and the time to actually enter the room drew closer. With every passing second his heartbeat grew stronger, until he swore he could practically taste his pulse. He swallowed a lump that seemed to be forming in his throat and bit his lip, like he always did when he was anxious.

"Are you ready?" Y/n's voice interrupted his train of thought.

Adam shook his head, "I don't ever think I'll be ready" he laughed wearily, trying not to let himself spiral. Despite the way he felt, Adam began to get undressed, pushing through his fear as best as he could.

Y/n had removed her clothes as well and was ready to get into the bath.

"You wanna do this together?" She asked, holding her hand out for Adam to take it. His own hand trembled like a leaf, he breathed heavily through his nose, as he shut his eyes and took a step forward into the bathroom.

"Well done, sweetheart, you're doing so well"

He flinched slightly as his bare feet touched the cold tile ground, a feeling he knew all too well, but soon his feet found themselves on a soft and fluffy bathmat, and his fears depleted.

Stood next to the bath, hand in hand with y/n, Adam stared down into the water. The last time he'd been in a bath was when he had woken up in one, fully clothed, freezing and shackled to a pipe. This was nothing like that, he thought. The water looked warm and enticing, almost welcoming.

"You don't have to if you don't want-"

"No." Adam cut y/n off, "I need to do this. I.. I don't want to be scared anymore"

His words sounded confident, but his voice trembled. Tightening his grip on y/n's hand, he stepped into the water.

Y/n stepped in with him, her soft hands making their way around his body, holding him in a tight hug.

"Baby, I'm so proud of you" she whispered, kissing his cheek.

Adam gulped, he could feel his breaths becoming shallow, but he knew it was now or never.

"If.. if I sit down will you hold me?" He asked, his lips quivering

"Of course honey, I'll even wash your hair for you" y/n replied, her voice calm and reassuring. Everything about her brought Adam peace, she was his personal sanctuary. If she was with him, he could do anything.

With a deep breath, Adam sat down in the bath, leaning back into y/n's chest and letting the warm water run over his body. Y/n was hugging him tightly from behind, placing gentle kisses into the crook of his neck.

"So brave, I'm so proud of you honey"

Adam relaxed into her touch. He didn't say much, just allowed himself to feel her loving hands all over him. The way they carefully massaged his scalp with a sweet smelling shampoo, the way they gently caressed his bullet wound, accompanied by whispers of how handsome he was. An endless string of "I love you" and "I'm so proud of you" was all Adam could hear, not the sound of cold, damp dripping, the rattling of chains, or even his own thoughts. Unbelievably, he felt perfectly calm.

Once the bath was over, Adam got changed into a pair of pyjamas that y/n had bought specifically for when he stayed over. Snuggled up in bed together, he felt a sense of hope for the first time in a while. He was getting better, life was starting to be worth living.

A/n hello! Sorry this took so long to get out, I've had the flu and i haven't been able to write much without falling asleep lol. Sorry this isn't my best work, but I'm sure it's at least enjoyable! Also, I need Adam related suggestions because I'm feeling a bit lost for new ideas lately, so please leave a request! It can be something you might want to see in the bus stop series, or perhaps just a standalone fic with Adam, or some headcanons etc - anything really! I love getting requests :^)

Hope everyone is having a good new year so far! :^)

[amymaleneart]

Raven smiles brightly at their offer, wings puffing up. She shifts the humans in her grip so that she can give a one arm hug to both Sun and Moon.

Artemis wakes up, then coos at Uma, who gives her a warm look. Then the kit starts gnawing on Raven's fingers

"Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!!! I won't let you down!"

She pulls away, looking down at Uma and Artemis, "Did you hear that you guys?! I get to take you home with me! Isn't that amazing?!"

Uma gives her a small smile while Artemis continues to teethe.

"I'll have to tell my roommate, and I'm sure he'll love you guys to death!"

Raven continues to rabble on and on about what she can do to help make her two new humans comfortable, while turning and heading to the shelter's sign-out desk.

Sun and Moon are more than happy to hear that Ms. Raven has agreed to take in the two humans for the time being. And who knows, the way she is talking up a storm with them, it might end up as a foster-fail and she ends up adopting them.

Before they left, Sun made sure to set up an appointment for Artemis's next round of shots. And Moon gave Ms. Raven their contact information if she needs to contact them if she was any inquiries.

The brothers always loved visiting the shelter every month, but today must be one of their favorite trips they ever made.

The End

I want to say a special thank you to @ravenwriter16 for this amazing rpg asks adventure. It was fun world building this alien au. Check out her tumblr page and her ao3 page to view her other creative projects.

And I also hope this brings a new perspective of what it could be like for all the pets that are left at the shelters, and the hardships they go through their lives. I encourage to help out (if you can of course) for your local shelter, whither it's with donations, volunteering time, fostering or even adoption.

The ask box is still open for Dr. Sun and Dr. Moon. The rules still apply that you need to indicate you are an alien or you'll automatically be viewed as a human.

1--2--3--4--5--6--7--8--9--10--11--12--13--14--15--16--17--18--19--20--21--22--23

[kallie-den]

A Commanding Weakness Ch. 2

The ship's doctor investigates what's been going on with Captain Vasser - but when her about the captain start coming to life, will she be able to resist Wasp's trap?

If you like my writing, please consider supporting me on Patreon!   For less than the price of a cup of coffee each month, you can get   immediate, early access to everything I write - along with exclusive stories and the ability to vote on what I write next. Your support helps  me keep writing and is greatly appreciated   <3

---

There was something weird going on with Captain Vasser.

That was the starting point Doctor Yuzuko Hiraga kept coming back to, as she anxiously reviewed her notes whilst waiting for the captain to come and visit her in the Inyx’s medbay. It wasn’t a lot to go on, frustratingly, but it was a conviction that had been growing within her ever since she’d caught sight of Captain Vasser leaving the holodeck a week before. She’d tried to dismiss the feeling a hundred times, but she just couldn’t. Deep down, she knew it.

There was something weird going on with Captain Vasser.

She had seemed so unlike herself when Dr. Hiraga had seen her that day, overstaying on her holo-rec time. For one, the captain she knew would never, ever lose track of time. She was far too strict, especially with herself. And for another, Captain Vasser wouldn’t be caught dead looking so messy and disheveled. Even that could have been dismissed as a rare, momentary lapse, but what truly bothered Dr. Hiraga was how she had seemed so oblivious to it. It was as if she'd been in some kind of strange daze.

It wasn’t normal and it wasn’t right. As the ship’s doctor, Dr. Hiraga needed to get to the bottom of it - but discreetly. The last thing she wanted was to publicly undermine Captain Vasser.

And so, she had privately asked Captain Vasser to attend a medical appointment in the hopes that she could get a feel for what was wrong.

Dr. Hiraga adjusted her thick-rimmed glasses one more time, and then tried to sit still behind her desk and look like she had been in the middle of something unimportant.

With a muted, familiar hiss, the medbay’s doors slid open, and through them walked Captain Yvonne Vasser, looking as formidable as ever in her neat, perfectly-tailored uniform.

“Doctor,” the captain said, favoring Dr. Hiraga with a small smile. “Let’s make this quick, shall we?”

“Of course, captain.”

Dr. Hiraga beckoned for Captain Vasser to take a seat. Seeing her like this, it was all but impossible to imagine her as anything other than an invulnerable pillar of dignity and professionalism. Her hair was, as usual, in a stern ponytail, and her gaze betrayed no hint of the nerves and anxiety Dr. Hiraga was used to seeing in her patients.

It was almost enough to make her doubt herself. Nothing was ever wrong with Captain Vasser, right? Simply being in her presence was a comfort. Dr. Hiraga knew that some of the Inyx’s crew were afraid of her. They thought of her as a haughty, terrifyingly-perfect, disciplinarian robot of a captain. But to Dr. Hiraga, Captain Vasser was simply perfect.

“So,” Captain Vasser began, “what’s this all about?”

Dr. Hiraga adjusted her glasses nervously. “I’ve decided to set up some appointments with the senior crew. We all know it’s been a long tour out here on the rim, chasing after Wasp. There’s a lot of pressure on officers like Lieutenant Kuznetzov and Chief Carter to not let standards slip. I thought it might be helpful to discuss mental health and wellness in a professional context.”

“That’s very diligent, doctor,” Captain Vasser commented approvingly.

“T-thank you.” Dr. Hiraga’s heart skipped a beat, and she silently prayed that she wasn’t blushing. “So, um, I thought: where better to start than the captain?”

“How thoughtful.” Captain Vasser laughed politely. “But I’m afraid I don’t think we’ll have much to talk about.”

When Captain Vasser laughed like that, her whole face lit up. Her eyes sparkled. To Dr. Hiraga, it was a rare, precious moment, like catching a sunset. Captain Vasser never let her guard down around her subordinates, but with a doctor, in a private setting, it was a little different. It made Dr. Hiraga feel blessed, and she had to pause to bask in the moment.

The feeling it gave her, though, was also an uncomfortable reminder of why she felt so conflicted about what she was doing.

Dr. Hiraga had a massive crush on Captain Vasser.

It was embarrassing. Mortifying. Completely and totally unprofessional. What kind of doctor developed feelings for someone under her care? Worse, the captain of her ship! There were a hundred reasons nothing would ever come of it even if Captain Vasser returned her affections - which would have been nothing short of a miracle, Dr. Hiraga was sure. She was just a boring doctor. How would she ever catch the eye of a woman like Captain Vasser?

Her feelings made navigating situations like these difficult, to say the least. It was difficult to act like a professional when simply being in Captain Vasser’s presence reduced the doctor to a blushing schoolgirl. She was thirty-four, for goodness’ sake! She needed to pull herself together.

And, more pointedly, it made her seriously worried about her professional judgment when she was considering prying into Captain Vasser’s personal affairs.

“Doctor?” Captain Vasser ventured.

Dr. Hiraga started nervously when she realized she’d been zoning out. She tried to cover her blush by adjusting her glasses. “Yes! Um… well, that is, I wanted to ask… have you been feeling alright recently?”

Captain Vasser smiled politely at her. “Yes, of course.”

“Nothing on your mind?” Dr. Hiraga prompted hopefully. “Nothing’s bothering you? Nothing you’d care to get off your chest?”

Captain Vasser shook her head. “I’m perfectly fine, doctor.”

Dr. Hiraga paused for a moment to judge her next move. It was very tempting to just let the whole thing go, but she knew her curiosity would keep eating at her.

“Captain, please don’t take this the wrong way,” she began hesitantly, “but I happened to notice that you’ve been spending an awful lot of time in the holodeck recently. That’s your right, of course. It’s your ship. But… it’s unusual for you. And sometimes, when I see crew members doing this, it can be an indication of serious stress. Of trying to get away from reality.”

Dr. Hiraga couldn’t bear to continue. She just hoped the captain wasn’t too angry at her. Mercifully, though, Captain Vasser just cocked an eyebrow, amused.

“Been checking the holodeck logs, have we, doctor?” she asked.

Dr. Hiraga blushed. “W-well, in this instance, it’s simply part of my job. I didn’t mean to-“

“It’s quite alright.” Captain Vasser held up a hand. “There’s no harm in seeing who’s using the holodeck. It’s not as though you can see what they’re doing with it. And I understand your intentions. Doctor, any ship would be lucky to have a medical officer with your level of care and attention.”

Dr. Hiraga’s blush deepened, although her joy at being complimented by the captain was undercut by her guilt at how dishonest she was being.

“In my case, though, it’s nothing to worry about,” Captain Vasser continued. “I’ve just been sinking my teeth into a little project lately. I thought it would be wise to pick up a hobby, especially since it’s been so long since our last encounter with the hacker we’re chasing. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“O-oh, right,” Doctor Hiraga replied. “Y-yes, of course. Very, um, healthy.”

She felt like a fool. A new hobby? That made perfect sense. It was obvious, really. She’d probably been worrying about nothing.

“So, will there be anything else?” Captain Vasser asked.

“No, I don’t think so.” Dr. Hiraga tried to put on a brave face and maintain her professional demeanor, smiling as the two of them stood. “I just wanted to check in, that’s all. Although please remember: my door is always open, captain.”

“Thank you, doctor,” Captain Vasser replied warmly, before leaving medbay to return to her duties.

Dr. Hiraga sighed as she sank back down into her chair. What was she going to do now?

Hours later, at the end of her duty shift, Captain Vasser was still playing on Dr. Hiraga’s mind. At first, her explanation seemed to clear everything up, but now the doctor wasn’t so sure. A new hobby didn’t explain why she’d looked so disheveled and acted so strangely that day she’d seen the captain leaving the holodeck. It was such a small thing, but Dr. Hiraga couldn’t quite let it go. Her gut was telling her something. There had to be an explanation. A reason. There had to be.

It was still tormenting her when, just as she was leaving medbay, the communicator she wore on her chest started to beep.

She tapped the badge at once, fully alert. “This is the doctor. Is there a medical emergency?”

“No, doctor, don’t worry.” The sound of the captain’s voice sent a chill down Dr. Hiraga’s spine. “I know you’ve just come off duty, and I was actually hoping you might be able to do me a small favor. In a… personal capacity.”

Dr. Hiraga’s heart skipped a beat. “O-of course!”

“Wonderful,” Captain Vasser said over the communicator. “Then, could you please come to the holodeck? I’d like to show you what I’ve been working on.”

“Oh! Um. Yes, absolutely.” Another heartbeat skipped. “I’ll be right there.”

“Thank you.” The captain closed the channel.

Dr. Hiraga couldn’t believe what had just happened. A personal invitation? From the captain? It was like a dream come true. And from the sounds of it, all her questions were about to be answered.

But that wasn’t truly what was getting her secret hopes up. Rather, it was the way Captain Vasser’s voice had been filled with a kind of breathy, intimate urgency Dr. Hiraga had never heard before.

It had sounded, in a word, like flirting.

Dr. Hiraga couldn’t quite bring herself to believe it. But it did put a little frisk in her step as she headed over to the nearest turbolift as quickly as she could.

As the turbolift carried her through the Inyx and toward the holodeck, Dr. Hiraga took a moment to inspect her reflection in one of the metal walls. She wanted to look good for the captain, even if it was nothing more than a friendly invitation. Unfortunately, the long duty shift had taken its toll. Dr. Hiraga was tired, and looked it. Her point of pride was her long, silky hair, which she always wore up in a fetching crown braid, but by now more than a few hairs were coming loose, and there was no time to do anything more than try to tuck them away out of sight. People said her big eyes, the color of chocolate, were pretty, but they said that about everyone. Dr. Hiraga wished she had time to run back to her quarters and put on a little makeup, but it wouldn’t do to keep the captain waiting.

The sound of the turbolift door opening made the doctor jump, and she blushed even though nobody was there. That was a relief. It wouldn’t do for the crew to see her preening like that. Dr. Hiraga hurried out of the lift and walked over to the holodeck.

She presented herself to the door, but it appeared to be locked. After taking one last moment to adjust her glasses and muster her courage, she tapped her badge. “Captain? I’m here.”

There was no reply, but the door slid open.

As Dr. Hiraga walked into the holodeck and crossed the threshold of the holographic projection playing within, she heard the door close and lock behind her. That was unusual, but Dr. Hiraga was immediately and completely distracted by the situation she found herself in.

It was a perfect recreation of the captain’s quarters.

It had to be. It was clearly still the Inyx, and on a ship like that only the captain would have quarters as spacious as these. There was something disorienting about walking into a holodeck and finding yourself in just another part of the starship, but even more surprising than that was the mood.

The lights were dim and warm. There was some low, swinging music playing from hidden speakers. The bed was prominent, and its freshly-made sheets were scattered with rose petals.

There was no mistaking it. This was romantic.

Dr. Hiraga immediately started panicking.

“Welcome, doctor,” said Captain Vasser. “Thank you for coming.”

She was emerging from the bathroom, and the way she looked made Dr. Hiraga’s jaw drop. Captain Vasser’s hair was down, which Dr. Hiraga had never seen before. It made her look shockingly casual. She was out of her uniform too, which was another first. Even better, she was wearing a very long gown wrapped tight around her body, all the way up to her neck. Dr. Hiraga couldn’t tell if she was wearing anything underneath, and the garment looked tantalizingly easy to unravel.

Dr. Hiraga’s cheeks started to burn. This was a fantasy come to life, but it made her feel as anxious as it did elated. This was exactly a fantasy come to life. A specific fantasy, one that Dr. Hiraga had played out in her mind’s eye again and again. But that was impossible.

“C-captain,” Dr. Hiraga replied awkwardly, struggling to keep calm. “Um…what can I do for you? Is it something medical?”

She couldn’t assume anything, no matter how obvious it seemed. The last thing the doctor wanted was to make a fool of herself.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Captain Vasser replied playfully. “Can’t you guess?”

Dr. Hiraga’s cheeks were burning. “I-I’m afraid not.”

Captain Vasser laughed. “Let’s not beat around the bush. You and I - we have a connection, don’t we?”

The doctor’s eyes went wide. She knew that line. She knew it because she’d programmed it herself. Months ago, in a moment of absolute shame and unbearable yearning, she’d started working on a holodeck scenario that would have allowed her to play out some of her fantasies with the captain. She’d never gone through with it, of course. It had felt far too disrespectful to Captain Vasser. But she’d never quite gotten around to deleting the half-completed files either.

But this Captain Vasser wasn’t a hologram. The scenario wasn’t functional. It had never been finished. This was real.

Dr. Hiraga struggled to find the words to respond as she fought to wrap her mind around that. “W-well, um, yes, I mean, I’ve always felt we work well together, speaking as two professionals, and-“

“Oh, doctor.” Captain Vasser cut her off with a low chuckle. “I’m not talking about anything professional, I can assure you.”

Another line from her holodeck scenario. That had to mean something, but Dr. Hiraga was too flustered to figure out what.

“Then…” she ventured nervously, unable to keep the hope out of her voice.

Captain Vasser took a few slow, swaying steps toward her. “You know, doctor, I’ve always admired you.”

“I’ve always admired you too,” Dr. Hiraga replied hopelessly. “I mean you’re so… just… wow.”

“Thank you,” Captain Vasser purred. Hearing her purr like that was unbelievable. “And so are you. In fact, I just can’t hold myself back any longer.”

That was another line from her holodeck scenario, but Dr. Hiraga was so caught up in the fantasy, she barely noticed. “You can’t?”

Captain Vasser nodded, and moved closer. “You’re lovely, doctor.”

Dr. Hiraga couldn’t keep the dumb grin from her face. “I… oh my goodness, just hearing you say that is….”

Captain Vasser stepped closer still - close enough that she could reach up and stroke her fingertips along the doctor’s burning cheek. The warmth of her touch was further confirmation. This was real, even if it was still a virtual mirror of what Dr. Hiraga had half-programmed into the holodeck.

“Do you feel the same way about me?” the captain asked.

“Yes!” Dr. Hiraga blurted out. “God yes. You’re… captain, you’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever known. And… I can’t believe how beautiful you look.”

“Thank you.” Captain Vasser grinned. She took hold of Dr. Hiraga’s arm and started to guide her, gently but commandingly, over to her bed. “Then, what are we waiting for?”

Dr. Hiraga let out a nervous giggle. Her head was spinning. “W-wait! Um… not that I don’t want to, but… isn’t this… a little fast?”

That was half of what she was thinking. The other half was all about her fantasies. The ones she had tentatively added into her holodeck scenario before chickening out. The secret, shameful fetishistic ones she’d never shared with anyone else. Dr. Hiraga couldn’t help but glance down at Captain Vasser’s body, hidden under her long gown. Was she wearing anything underneath? It was impossible to tell.

“Are you really going to tell me you don’t want this?” Captain Vasser replied, an undiminishable smile on her face. Despite her protest, Dr. Hiraga couldn’t help moving with her toward the bed.

“I do!” Dr. Hiraga insisted. “I do, I promise. M-more than anything. But… aren’t there rules about this? Fraternization, chain of command, acceptable power dynamics…”

“I’m the captain,” Captain Vasser said firmly. “The Inyx is my ship. I make the rules. I’ll take care of it all. Whatever it takes.”

Hearing that was like a drug. Whatever her reservations, Dr. Hiraga couldn’t help but lose herself to the moment. She didn’t resist as Captain Vasser guided her to sit down on the edge of her bed.

The captain remained standing directly in front of her. It was a flustering reminder of their considerable height difference. Up close, Captain Vasser’s body was even more stunning. She had aged gracefully into her thirties, and it was obvious that she kept herself in ferociously good shape.

Again, Dr. Hiraga’s thoughts drifted to sinful places. Was the captain naked beneath her gown? That would have been a dream, and yet the doctor couldn’t help but wish for something else instead.

“Doctor,” Captain Vasser said. Her voice commanded the doctor’s attention effortlessly, but it was different from the voice she used when she was giving orders from the bridge. It was secret. Intimate. “Do you want me?”

Dr. Hiraga knew that if she said ‘yes’, there would be no turning back. She wanted that more than anything in the world. And yet the old adage rang in her ears: if something seems too good to be true, it probably is. The captain wasn’t acting normally. Perhaps she hadn’t been for weeks. If something was truly wrong with her, as Dr. Hiraga had been suspecting, it wouldn’t be right to take advantage.

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” she replied regretfully. “I promise, with all my heart, that I do. But… I want to do this properly. Let’s take it a little slower, OK?”

She braced herself for the worst. For anger. For rejection. What Dr. Hiraga wasn’t ready for, though, was for Captain Vasser to simply reach down, untie the belt of her gown, and shrug it off from her shoulders.

Dr. Hiraga gasped when she saw what the captain had on underneath.

From her neck all the way down to her ankles and her wrists, Captain Vasser was wearing a black bodysuit. It was perfectly skintight; it hugged her mature curves close and left absolutely nothing to the imagination. There was no mistaking its eroticism. Seeing anyone like that would have made Dr. Hiraga stare; seeing the captain, of all people, like that had her completely dumbstruck.

But it wasn’t the form of the bodysuit that truly made the doctor’s mouth water, and drove every last thought out of her head. It was the material. The bodysuit was made of black, shiny rubber, polished to such a mirror sheen that it reflected each one of the holodeck’s dim lights in bright shapes that contoured perfectly to the curves of Captain Vasser’s body. Dr. Hiraga had seen bodysuits like this before - in fantasy and pornography, if not reality - and she recognized it immediately.

It was latex.

Dr. Hiraga’s love of latex was her deepest secret. Her greatest fetish. She’d never told anyone about it. Exploring kinks was difficult for someone in her profession - a starship doctor, working for the Alliance - and she had always struggled to imagine how to articulate her feelings. Compared to the kinds of fantasies that other people had, fetishizing a simple clothing material seemed strange. Abstract, almost.

But that didn’t stop her craving for it from being all-consuming.

“Do you like it, doctor?” Captain Vasser asked, a strange smile on her face. “I can see that you do.”

Dr. Hiraga nodded dumbly. She could scarcely believe this. Did the captain, her crush, of all people, secretly share her kink? That was too much. It was impossible. And yet…

Captain Vasser leaned closer. “Would you like to touch it?” she whispered.

Dr. Hiraga’s nodding turned furious. She needed to, desperately.

Captain Vasser stretched out her arm, offering it to the breathless doctor.

Hand trembling, Dr. Hiraga reached out and touched the captain’s latex-coated forearm. Immediately, she gasped. That first little touch was like a baptism. The rubber was impossibly, alluringly smooth, and the way it flexed, just slightly, under pressure, wrapping the light around her fingertip in a golden halo, was mesmerizing. Dr. Hiraga was in awe. It was even better than she’d always dreamed.

But the best part of all was that it was real. You couldn’t do this with hardlight holograms. They couldn’t quite get the texture just right. Dr. Hiraga knew. She’d tried, when she’d attempted to program something just like this into her secret, shameful little holodeck fantasy involving the captain.

And now, all of that was coming true.

“Oh my god,” Dr. Hiraga breathed. “I can’t believe… it’s so…”

“Why stop there?” Captain Vasser’s voice was breathy and low, her commanding tones made into a cougar’s purr. “I’m all yours.”

She stepped even closer, so close she was practically straddling Dr. Hiraga’s lap. The captain reached down and took hold of the stunned doctor’s wrists and guided them onto her body - one to her chest, perilously close to her breasts, the other around to cup her ass.

Dr. Hiraga didn’t resist. She didn’t protest. She was beyond that. She wasn’t thinking about medical propriety, or professionalism, or Alliance military regulations about fraternization. She was just thinking about her captain’s body, and how it looked wrapped in this amazing, shiny rubber. Every touch was freshly intoxicating, and left her needing more.

Her fingers moved. She found herself touching, reaching, groping. She couldn’t help it. The way the latex felt as it moved beneath her fingertips was ecstasy. Dr. Hiraga wanted nothing more than to keep going. To keep touching. To keep admiring Captain Vasser like this. To lose herself in the moment forever.

Worries about what was real and how this was possible were the furthest things from her mind. If this was a dream, she decided, she simply wanted to go on dreaming forever.

“Mmmff,” Captain Vasser purred, as Dr. Hiraga explored her latex-clad body. “This feels amazing, doctor. You have no idea. I’m so glad I can share this with you.”

“M-me… t-too…” Dr. Hiraga whimpered. Her whole body was on fire. She couldn’t control herself. She was overwhelmed.

Captain Vasser stood over her, legs slightly apart, back arched as she presented herself obscenely for Dr. Hiraga's attention. The doctor couldn’t look away. In the low, intimate light, even the slightest move Captain Vasser made as she breathed or adjusted her position made shimmers race across the surface of her bodysuit. It was the most beautiful thing Dr. Hiraga had ever seen. The woman she admired most, in the fetish gear that drove her crazy. She couldn’t imagine a better model for her adored latex.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” Captain Vasser murmured, as if to herself. “Sometimes I feel like I could stare at it for hours.”

Dr. Hiraga nodded in agreement, spellbound.

“It does something wonderful to me,” Captain Vasser confessed, in a low, soothing voice. “It’s like my mind goes blank. Like I can’t think. Like I don’t want to think.”

“Yeah…” Dr. Hiraga breathed. It was exactly like that.

"It’s such a relief, for women like us,” Captain Vasser mused. “We lead such stressful lives, don’t we? We’re both responsible for so many people, here on the Inyx. There are no days off for us. Not really. And that makes anything that can help us to switch off our minds even more blissful.”

Dr. Hiraga nodded. She’d never quite thought about it like that, but now that her captain was saying it, it made perfect sense. This was blissful.

“Just look at it, in the light,” Captain Vasser went on. “Look at the latex. Look at how it reflects the light when I move.” She flexed her arm, demonstrating. “Every time, it’s like a new pattern. A new work of art. Couldn’t you just lose yourself to it?”

“Mhm,” Dr. Hiraga murmured. Speaking seemed like it would take too much effort. The doctor was completely, singularly focused on the latex Captain Vasser was wearing.

“And the sensation,” Captain Vasser went on, “that’s even better, isn’t it? Even more blissful. Even more relaxing. Keep touching, doctor. I want you to touch me.”

Dr. Hiraga was obeying her without even thinking about it. She fell into a rhythm, moving her hands back and forth, up and down, along Captain Vasser’s body.

“Yes, just like that,” Captain Vasser said approvingly. Her approval felt like a warm glow. “Focus, doctor. Focus on how it feels under your fingertips. So smooth. So sleek. Isn’t there something incredibly relaxing about just touching it?”

“Y… yeah…” Dr. Hiraga sighed. There really was. Losing herself to the sensation was effortless.

“That’s right.” Captain Vasser nodded. “No need to think. No need to speak. Only touch. Only feel. Only relax.”

Now that she was so completely focused, every part of Dr. Hiraga’s body was starting to feel heavy and limp. It didn’t bother her. It barely registered. She was totally relaxed.

“Let your breathing get nice and slow for me,” Captain Vasser urged. Her voice was so soothing and so authoritative. Listening to her was effortless. “It’ll help you to relax. You want that, don’t you, doctor? To relax?”

Dr. Hiraga just nodded slowly.

“Then listen to me,” Captain Vasser told her. “I’ll guide you. Breathing slowly. Sinking. Relaxing. Allowing my latex to lull you into a nice, deep, relaxed state. You’re already so close. I promise you, it’s going to feel wondrous.”

Dr. Hiraga felt a little like she was falling asleep. Her vision was starting to blur and telescope, and everything was starting to fade. Everything except for her captain’s words. Those were as vivid as ever, and she couldn’t help but obey.

“I think you’re ready, doctor,” Captain Vasser whispered. “I’m sure you know what a trance is. On my count of three, you’re going to slip into a trance for me. Are you ready?”

Dr. Hiraga nodded again. She wasn’t thinking.

“Three,” Captain Vasser counted. “Two. One. And… zero. Sink for me, doctor.”

As soon as she counted ‘zero’, the doctor went slack. She felt like a puppet whose strings had just been cut. She felt nothing.

Captain Vasser fell silent as she watched the hypnotized doctor. Then, a few moments later, across the holographic room, the air started to ripple. After a moment more, the ripple resolved itself into a figure: a hardlight hologram of a short woman in punk clothing, with dyed, vivid green, side-shaven hair and an unbelievably smug, shit-eating grin.

It was Wasp. The vandal-hacker the Inyx was supposed to be in pursuit of.

“Wow,” she remarked. “That was fucking hot.”

At her appearance, Captain Vasser started swaying not so differently from how the hypnotized Dr. Hiraga was swaying. Wasp noticed that at once.

“Hey, captain,” she said, grin impossibly wide. “At attention, babe.”

Captain Vasser immediately snapped to attention, her spine perfectly stiff and upright. All the emotion drained from her face, and she turned towards Wasp and offered the hacker a crisp, military salute.

Wasp laughed. “Fuck. I never get tired of making her do that.”

Something flickered in Dr. Hiraga’s eyes as she watched Wasp defile her beloved captain’s dignity. Deep down she was struggling to rouse herself, but she had fallen so very far.

Wasp seemed to notice Dr. Hiraga’s faint comprehension. She waltzed over to the doctor and struck a theatrical pose.

“Surprised?” she asked. “I’m sure you know who I am. Let me give you the cliff notes: I’ve been in your ship’s systems for a while, and in your captain’s head for just as long. I exploited all her naughty little fantasies about hypnosis and domination - exactly like she just did to you.”

Dr. Hiraga whimpered and twitched. She still couldn’t think or rouse her heavy limbs.

“She’s a lot more shameless about them than you,” Wasp commented. “Made whole libraries of her wet dreams right here on the holodeck. You couldn’t bring yourself to finish one single scenario. Good taste, though! Latex? That’s fun. And the captain? She really is a dish, isn’t she? When she told me you were onto us, I just had to go for it.”

Wasp licked her lips as she glanced thoughtfully between her victims.

“I hope getting to have a little fun with her was as good as you’d imagined,” she added. “And, who knows? Maybe I’ll let you two have some more fun together. I’m sure Vasser here will be nice and eager.”

At that, Dr. Hiraga stirred. Something about Wasp’s words offended her. Captain Vasser would never be eager. Not her. This was all Wasp, forcing her. Captain Vasser had always looked after her crew fiercely.

“Nnhgg…” she managed, her tongue drooling out of her mouth. “Nnnottt…”

“Awwww, wow!” Wasp simply giggled at her predicament. “So loyal! You really are down bad for her. I’d hoped so. Those old, buried, half-finished holodeck files of yours made it clear that you have such a high opinion of your captain.” She bent at the hips, putting her face menacingly close to the doctor’s. “But I’ve got bad news for you, doc: she really was very, very eager.”

Wasp waltzed around behind Captain Vasser, still frozen like a statue in her saluting pose. Under the guidance of Wasp’s hands, though, she spread her legs and did nothing to resist as Wasp carefully unzipped the front of her latex bodysuit between her thighs. And when Wasp’s hand plunged underneath the rubber and started molesting her, the captain shuddered with unmistakable pleasure.

Dr. Hiraga went completely still. The sight of the criminal they were hunting groping the captain she adored was ghoulish. But, despite herself, she was still mercilessly aroused. She couldn’t help it. She couldn’t stop admiring the latex.

Wasp gave herself a few long moments to enjoy the experience, before pulling away and holding up her hand for Dr. Hiraga to inspect.

Her fingertips were dripping wet. Captain Vasser was unbelievably turned on from what she’d just done to her ship’s doctor.

Dr. Hiraga let out a low, pitiful moan.

“I guess I’m the only one around here who knows what Captain Vasser is really like,” Wasp giggled. “See, she’s not just a girl with a wild side. She’s a real freak. It goes all the way to her bones. For her, the more twisted the better. I should know; I’ve perused all her favorites. And let me tell you: being hypnotized and forced to betray someone who trusts her? That does it for our girl like nothing else.”

Dr. Hiraga wanted to deny it, but even if she’d been able to muster the words, they would have sounded hollow. Captain Vasser’s wetness spoke for itself. So did the telltale blush of arousal in her cheeks.

The doctor was sure that, on some level, Captain Vasser hated what was happening. But on another, she clearly loved it.

“You’re almost as much of a freak, though,” Wasp monologued to the helpless doctor. “Just a little more repressed. But like I said, good taste. Once I had her synthesize her new latex, I couldn’t get over it. Fuck, who knew the straight-laced cap would look so good?”

She started groping Captain Vasser all over, her hands gripping and tugging and squeezing as she roamed over the captain’s body. The way Wasp groped her was nothing like Dr. Hiraga’s slow, careful, reverent touch. Glee glinted in the hacker’s eyes as she mauled Captain Vasser's tits and slapped her ass, all while the hypnotized captain responded with nothing more than a blush and a faint whimper. The level of control Wasp wielded over her was terrifying, and it was clear she absolutely loved getting to show it off for an audience.

“Don’t worry,” Wasp jeered, catching the faint look in Dr. Hiraga’s blank eyes. “She’s enjoying herself! Aren’t you, babe?”

Captain Vasser didn’t reply.

“Aw, c’mon.” Wasp feigned a pout and giggled. “Trust me, I can tell she’s practically creaming herself. Hey, captain! Show the doc how much fun you’re having. Smile for us. Nice and bright. That’s an order.”

Dr. Hiraga failed to suppress a rush of arousal as she watched Captain Vasser’s entire face light up in a broad, bright grin. The expression was so obviously artificial as to be ghoulish, and the way it didn’t reach her blank, entranced eyes made the captain look almost goofy. But nonetheless, especially with the way she was blushing, it gave her the look of someone caught in a moment of eager, stupid, mind-breaking pleasure.

Given what she was wearing, Dr. Hiraga couldn’t help but find the spectacle incredibly, unbearably hot.

“Perfect!” Wasp drawled. She slipped her hand back into the unzipped portion of Captain Vasser’s bodysuit and pushed two of her hardlight fingertips into the captain’s cunt. “Hey, let’s finish the look. Cap, throw up a double peace sign. I know you know what that is. That’s an order.”

Captain Vasser shuddered and moaned faintly as Wasp thrust inside her, but she nonetheless obeyed, lifting both of her hands up and forming a V-shape with her fingertips. Then, when Wasp added another finger, she gasped and her tongue lolled out of her mouth.

In that pose, with that expression on her face, wearing skin-tight latex, she no longer looked anything like the proud, dignified starship captain Dr. Hiraga had always known. Captain Vasser looked defiled. She looked pornographic. She looked like a twisted wet dream come to life.

And it was Dr. Hiraga’s wet dream.

She didn’t want to be, but she was unbelievably horny. She couldn’t tell if her latex fetish was just that strong, or if the hypnosis was simply clouding her mind beyond all sense - or, worse, if some part of her actually liked seeing Captain Vasser this way. Whatever the reason, all she could do was hope Wasp didn’t bother to check how wet she was under her uniform.

Wasp was clearly feeling none of the dread or guilt that haunted Dr. Hiraga. Her eyes were alight with a manic thrill as she played with the two older, military women like they were nothing more than dolls. Her wicked grin just kept widening and widening, and her whole body throbbed with enraptured arousal. There was no hint of remorse or restraint. As Dr. Hiraga fought, still, to rouse herself, a horrifying realization started to dawn on her.

Wasp was here, in the Inyx’s systems. She had control over Captain Vasser - and now her, the ship’s doctor. The kind of damage a person like her could do from this position was unthinkable.

“W-what…” Dr. Hiraga murmured. “What… are y-you going… to do… t-to us?”

Wasp looked at her and giggled - and then shrugged, which was somehow the worst part. “Doc, I have absolutely no idea! I’m not really a grand planner. More of an improvisational type. But now that you mention it…”

She reached out and stroked a fingertip along Dr. Hiraga’s cheek. The doctor shivered, but she was still too deeply hypnotized to pull away.

“Just imagining all the things I can do with the Inyx’s trusted doctor under my control,” Wasp whispered, “gets me so - fucking - hot.”

Dr. Hiraga shivered.

“I w-won’t…” she tried to protest. “You c-can’t… ma-“

“Oh, shhh.” Wasp pressed a finger to the doctor’s lips. That was all it took to topple her crumbling willpower. “Don’t worry, babe. You won’t have a choice. Captain Vasser? At ease. Let’s finish this.”

She stepped back. A little life and feeling returned to Captain Vasser’s face and she dropped her hands, but she didn’t quite stop grinning, and she seemed completely oblivious to the way she was dripping her own wetness down her thighs.

“Nice and relaxed, doctor,” Captain Vasser murmured in that soothing voice of hers, as if nothing had happened. Dr. Hiraga couldn’t tell if she even knew Wasp was there. “Keep looking at me. At my latex. Look at the way the light shimmers. Breathe nice and deep.”

Dr. Hiraga couldn’t help but listen, and within moments she was once again completely mesmerized. There was nothing she could do but let her eyes lose focus from staring at the gorgeous rubber, as her conscious mind and free will finally slipped into the darkness.

—

I would like to express my gratitude for the generosity of all those who  support me on Patreon, and to give a special thanks to the following  patrons in particular for their exceptional support:

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[winchesterwild78]

Unspoken Words pt 7

Master List

Characters: Jensen Ackles x Reader, Reader’s daughter, other characters

Warnings: fluff, a little angst, David’s court date, more fluff

A/N: Another collab story with @cheekygirl2309. This one is about a single mother with a nonverbal autistic daughter who loves Supernatural. The reader is going to a Supernatural Convention with her daughter and things unfold from there. The daughter character is near and dear to my heart. I have someone very close to me who is nonverbal, but he’s such an amazing kid. 

*One more chapter after this. Features a time jump or two. *

This is a work of fiction and does not depict real life. Jensen is single in this story. 

All work is my own and @cheekygirl2309, don’t take it or use it as your own. Reblogs and likes are appreciated. 

Minors DNI 18+

*Time Jump 3 months*

After coming back from California  I decided to move Lily and I in with Jensen. He was excited I agreed to it. Living with him in California felt perfect, like we were exactly where we were meant to be. 

Lily began talking more, and Jensen insisted on paying for a private speech therapist. I told him I was fine with the one she had been going to, but he wanted the best for her. 

I quickly realized it was pointless to argue with him about her wellbeing. He stepped into the role of dad without missing a beat. We were a united front when it came to Lily, but he also used his status and money to help fill in gaps. 

*Flash Back to the month after we left*

We flew back for the court date for David’s attempted kidnapping. Sarah watched Lily so Jensen and I could go. He was found guilty and sentenced to jail time. There was also a lifetime protective order put in place that prevented him from any contact with Lily, myself or Jensen. 

When we came home for the court date I was sick for days. Chalking it up to nerves, I did my best to ignore it. After a few days and heading back to California Jensen started to get more concerned.

“Baby, you’ve been sick since before we went to court. Maybe you should go to the doctor.” He was right, I knew he was. I was just being stubborn. 

“I can’t just drop what I’m doing and go to the doctor for a little bug. It’ll pass. It always does.”

Jensen just looked at me, “Baby, please. I’m worried about you. I’ll keep Lily and you go see Dr. Pickard. Please.” I sighed, “Okay. I’ll make an appointment.” 

The next day I was sitting in the doctor’s office. I checked in and sat in the lobby. A young woman was sitting to the left of me and kept looking at me. I just wanted to get in and out without issues or being recognized. 

The young woman leaned forward. I knew what was coming. “Excuse me, ma’am?” I turned and smiled, “Yes?” “I’m sorry to bother you, but are you dating Jensen Ackles?” I nodded, “Yes I am.” She grinned, “I thought that was you. It’s very nice to meet you. My name is Mary. Are you two getting married?” “It’s nice to meet you too, Mary, and I don’t know. He hasn’t asked, so I’m going to say no. Not right now.” “Oh, okay. Well maybe he will soon.” I smiled as my name was called, “Maybe. We haven’t been dating long, so we have time. You have a great day, Mary.” 

I walked to the back with the nurse and explained why I was there. She told me the doctor would be in soon and would let me know if any tests would be needed. I nodded and she left. 

Sitting in the room I felt really dizzy and sick. Dr Pickard came in and noticed I was sweating and was pale. “Ms Y/L/N, are you okay?” “No, I feel really dizzy and sick to my stomach.” 

She checked me over and asked some questions. “Okay, let me run some tests. The nurse will be in soon and take some blood, do some swabs for the flu and other illnesses, and we need to check for pregnancy.” 

I chuckled, “Wow, just checking everything, huh?” Dr Pickard looked at me, “Just trying to be thorough.” She left the room and the nurse came back in a few minutes later. They took my blood, she swabbed my nose and throat and had me pee in a cup. 

“I’m gonna run all this to the lab, we should have the results for everything except the blood work before you leave today. The doctor will be back shortly.” I nodded and thanked her. I pulled out my phone and sent Jensen a text. 

Me: I’ve been poked, prodded and swabbed. Waiting on some of the results. I’m being checked for flu or other things. I’ll keep you updated. How are you and Lily?

Jensen: Okay, hopefully they figure it out soon. I’m really worried about you, and we are fine. *1 image sent*

Jensen sent a picture of him with a princess tiara on and Lily in her princess dress. I laughed.

Me: aww look at the pretty princesses. I love you two

Jensen: We love you too, mommy. Come home soon.

Me: I will. TTYS

After about twenty minutes Dr Pickard came back in. “Well, Ms Y/L/N, you don’t have the flu or strep, your iron is a bit low and you're a little dehydrated, and you’re pregnant.” 

“I’m sorry, what? I’m pregnant? How did that happen?” She chuckled, “Um, I’m assuming you and your partner had sex. Maybe unprotected?” I sat thinking, no, Jensen and I were always so… “Oh, yeah. That one time over a month ago.” She chuckled, “That’s all it takes. So I’m prescribing some prenatal vitamins and I want you to schedule an appointment to get the baby checked.” 

“Okay. Thank you for everything.” My heart beat fast in my chest. I was pregnant. Jensen was the father. Would he be okay with this? We never really talked about children. How would Lily handle this?

My head was spinning by the time I got home. Jensen greeted me at the door with a hug and a smile. He saw the bag from the pharmacy and smiled. “So I see you have some medicine. I’m assuming the doctor found something?” 

I took a deep breath, “Yeah she did. Jensen, we need to talk.” He sat down beside me and took my hands in his, “Okay baby. Is everything okay?” 

With a shaky breath I looked at him, “Jensen, I’m okay. She didn’t find anything devastating, but what she did find is going to change our lives.” 

Jensen looked at me, eyes so full of love, “Okay, now you’re scaring me. Y/N, please just tell me.” 

Tears pricked my eyes, I was so scared. “Jensen, I’m pregnant.” He softly gasped. Silence filled the room and I didn’t know what to say or do. 

The longer the silence stretched on, the more anxious I got. I swallowed hard, and the tears started to fall.

“Jensen, please say something.” His voice barely above a whisper, “You’re pregnant?” I nodded. “Jensen, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get pregnant. I know this isn’t something we talked about and I understand if you’re not ready. Lily and I can stay at our place and I won’t keep the baby from you if that’s what you want. I think Lily and I should go home. I’m so sorry Jensen.” 

I stood up quickly and walked towards the bedroom. The tears fell fast as I felt the bile rise in my throat. I walked into our bedroom and grabbed my suitcase. Jensen was hot on my heels. He grabbed my hand and spun me around. His lips crashed on mine in a heated kiss. 

I was shocked. When he pulled back he was smiling. “You’re pregnant. We’re having a baby!.” “Jensen, you’re not mad?” “What?! Why would I be mad? The love of my life is pregnant with our baby. Lily’s going to have a baby brother or sister. Oh sweetheart, please don’t leave. I want to be with you every step of the way.” 

I cried harder. I wasn’t expecting his reaction. He pulled me in his arms, “Shh baby. Don’t cry, please. I love you and I can’t wait to have this baby with you. I know you’ve been hurt in the past, but I promise I’m not going anywhere. You, Lily and this baby have me forever.” He wiped my tears away and placed a soft kiss on my lips. 

His hand rested on my stomach and he smiled. “I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am.” I took a shaky breath in and out, letting go of all the anxiety I was feeling. 

*Current Time*

I was heading to my doctor's appointment to check on the baby and Jensen was going with me. We had been back home in Texas for about a month and Lily and I were adjusting to living with Jensen. 

I was worried she would have a hard time adjusting to the new house, but she loved it. Jensen made sure he put a gate around the pool, and a safety cover on the pool just in case. He also had her a swing set built in the backyard. They both spent a lot of time outside in the backyard playing. I couldn’t wait for the baby to be old enough to play with Lily and Jensen. 

I stood at the full-length mirror in our bedroom and placed a hand on my belly. I was just starting to show more and I knew we couldn’t hide the pregnancy much longer. My biggest worry was telling Lily. I wasn’t sure how she’d react. 

Sarah and Steve knew I was pregnant. They were excited for us. The two of them were coming over to watch Lily while Jensen and I went to the doctor. 

I was too busy looking at my growing bump to notice Jensen standing at the door. He leaned against the doorframe and watched me with a smile on his face. 

He walked up behind me and snaked his arms around my waist, placing his hands on my belly. He kissed my cheek, “How’s my babies today?” I smiled and leaned into him, “We’re okay. I’m hungry, but what else is new.” He laughed, “We’ll get you a snack before we head out. What do you want?” 

“Hmm, pickles, peanut butter and apples sound delicious.” He chuckled, “Okay. I’ll get it and you finish getting ready.” I kissed his lips, “Thanks baby.” He nodded and smiled.

Lily knew something was different, but we hadn’t told her yet I was pregnant. We wanted to make sure everything was okay with the baby before we told her. The appointment today was going to include an ultrasound and measurement of the baby. I was about 3 months pregnant and so far the pregnancy was going well. 

Jensen was by my side through it all. He was in between filming schedules at the moment, so he was home. I knew he was leaving in about 3 weeks to head to Toronto for filming. We weren’t sure if Lily and I were going or staying home, honestly it depends on what the doctor told us. 

Sarah and Steve arrived to watch Lily and Jensen and I were about to leave to go to the appointment. I was nervous but excited. This would be the first ultrasound and I was happy Jensen was going to be there for it. 

Sarah gave me a hug and told me she couldn’t wait to see the baby when we got back. Lily looked at me and Sarah and whispered, “baby?”

I looked at Sarah and she mouthed, “sorry”. I just nodded. 

I took a deep breath and sat Lily down. Jensen sat beside her. “Lily, sweetheart. Mommy and Jensen have something we want to tell you. You know how mommy has been sick and going to the doctor a lot? Well, mommy has a baby in her tummy. You’re going to be a big sister.” 

Lily sat beside Jensen and I very still. She looked up at me, then down to my stomach, then up at Jensen. Tears filled her little eyes and she started to cry. I pulled her on my lap but she wiggled free and went to her room. 

I started to follow her, but Sarah told me she’d go so we weren’t late. I wanted to go and see her, but I had to get to the appointment too. 

“Y/N, honey. I’ll take care of her. You go check on the little bean.” I nodded and Jensen and I left. 

The ride to the doctor’s office was quiet. I was worried about Lily and felt a pang of guilt for leaving like I did. Jensen sensed my uneasiness and took my hand in his. 

“Hey, she’s going to be okay. Take a deep breath.” “I know Jensen, she was just so upset and I left. What kind of mother does that?”

“Y/N, don’t do that. You’re an amazing mother. Lily is safe with Sarah, and we had to get to this appointment. I know you’re upset, but she’s going to be okay, I promise.”

I nodded and wiped the tears that started to fall away. We arrived at the doctor’s office and got checked in. 

The nurse checked my vitals and everything she needed to do. She asked how I’d been and told me the doctor would be in soon. Jensen stood beside the exam table and held my hand. 

The doctor came in, did their exam and got me ready for the ultrasound.

I was so excited and nervous to see the baby. She put the gel on my belly and commented that she was surprised I was showing as much as I was. I thought it was an odd statement to make, but brushed it off as my eyes were glued to the monitor. 

The doctor had a puzzled look on their face and kept looking at the monitor with an unreadable look on their face. I started to get nervous. “Hmm, that’s interesting.” 

I looked at her and then at Jensen. He saw my distress, “What’s interesting?” He asked her. “One second, let me just check one more thing. Hmm, yep. Okay.” 

Jensen looked at the screen, at her and then at me, “Is everything okay with the baby?” I started to panic a little because I wasn’t hearing a heartbeat. “Why don’t I hear a heartbeat?! Jensen, what’s wrong with the baby?!”

The doctor turned to us and offered a soft smile. I felt the bile rising in my throat. She flipped a switch on the machine and I heard the heartbeat. I let out the breath I was holding. 

“Everything looks great. The heartbeats are strong and it looks like growth is on target. You both can relax. It looks like both of them are perfectly healthy.” 

Jensen leaned down and kissed me and I turned back to the doctor to thank her, then it hit both of us. “Wait, what?! Heartbeats? Both?” She chuckled, “Congratulations, you’re having twins, and from the looks of it they are fraternal.” 

Jensen chuckled, “Wow, we’re adding two babies to the family.” He kissed me again. I was filled with joy and then a wave of anxiety hit me. I was worried how Lily would handle the news of twins. 

The doctor gave us pictures and we made our next appointment. I couldn’t take my eyes off the pictures. I clearly saw two babies in the pictures. 

On the way home my hand rested on my stomach as my mind drifted to what life would be like with three children. 

“Whatcha thinking about darlin’?” Jensen asked, breaking the silence in the car. “Just the babies and Lily. I don’t know how she’s going to feel about two babies. I’m just worried about her.” 

He took my hand, “Hey, I get it. It might be hard for her at first, but she’s going to be a great big sister. When Mackenzie was born I wasn’t thrilled at first, but after a bit I loved her and protected her. Lily is going to be the same way.” “I hope so.”

When we got home We shared the news with Sarah and Steve and they both were excited. I asked Sarah where Lily was and she said in her room. “I talked to her, but I don’t know if it did any good. I’m sorry Y/N.” 

I touched her arm, “No, it’s okay. It’s not your fault. We will talk to her. Thank you both for watching her.” 

Sarah nodded, hugged me goodbye and she and Steve left. I walked to Lily’s bedroom door and found her sitting on her bed holding her squirrel stuffy. 

I walked in and sat on the bed, “Lily, honey, we’re home. Do you want to see a picture of the baby?” She turned her back to me. It broke my heart. I touched her arm, “Baby, look at mommy, please.” 

She turned away and grunted at me. Jensen walked in and saw it. He walked up to me, touched my shoulder and motioned for me to come on. I looked at Lily and then back at him. I got up and left her room.

I started crying, “She’s so mad at me, Jensen. What am I going to do?” He pulled me in his arms and held me, “Hey, it’s okay. You get a snack and rest, I’ll talk to her.” I nodded and walked downstairs.

Jensen walked in her room and sat on the bed, “Hey baby girl. Will you look at me?” She turned further away. He put his hand on her shoulder, “Hey, Lily girl. Please look at me.” 

She slowly rolled over and looked at him. Her big beautiful eyes red from crying. “No love Lily.” Jensen’s heart broke. He immediately pulled her in his lap and held her tight, “Oh sweet girl, no. Just because mommy is having a baby doesn’t mean we don’t love you anymore. We will always love our Lily girl. You’re our first baby, our first princess. We love you and love the new baby too. Just like you can love mommy and love me.” 

She looked up at him and he wiped her tears away. “Love Lily?” “Of course we do. Forever and always. Do you want to see a picture of the baby?” She cautiously nodded. Jensen pulled out the ultrasound picture he had and showed Lily. “So, Lily, mommy has two babies in her belly. We don’t know if they are boys or girls, but there are two of them.” She smiled and held the picture looking it over. “Babies?” Jensen chuckled, “Yes, babies.” 

She climbed out of his lap and ran to her closet. When she came back over she had a duck toy and handed it to Jensen, “For baby.” Jensen smiled and kissed the top of her head, “Come on sweet girl, let’s give it to mommy.” 

Jensen carried Lily downstairs and to me. She hugged me and handed me the duck. I was a little confused. “She said it’s for the babies.” I smiled and nodded. 

Lily sat beside me and looked at my belly. “Babies?” I placed my hand on my stomach, “Yes, mommy has two babies in her belly.” Lily looked at Jensen and then back at me. She slid closer to me, placed her hand softly on my stomach and then leaned down and kissed my belly. 

My breath hitched and I looked at Jensen. He smiled and said, “See I told you, best big sister ever.” 

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[snowdice]

Folds in Paper: Book 2 (Chapter 3: Peel It Up and See What's Underneath) [Folds in Time Universe]

Fandom: Sander Sides

Relationships: Janus/Patton, Remus & Roman, Logan/Virgil, Roman & Patton & Logan

Characters: Janus, Patton, Emile, Remus, Roman, Logan, Virgil, Remy

Summary: Janus is trying. After spending months trapped in time with his enemy turned... something else, Janus is trying to find meaning in a world where he or anyone else could rewrite history with one simple mistake.

During his leave from the Time Preservation Initiative, the time distortions that have been causing disastrous ripples in time have not gone anywhere. His partner's past is more mysterious than ever and old and new alliances are shifting. Can Janus figure out what is going wrong with time before that time is up?

The problem with time travel… you never how long you have before the clock strikes 12.

Chapter Summary:

Things are harder, better, but harder.

Notes: Time travel AU, mystery, enemies to lovers, alcohol, sexual innuendo, character with depression, character with ptsd

This is a fic I’ve been writing on study breaks that you have probably all already seen at this point. I’ve slightly edited it for wording and grammar, but not for content from my previous posts. Feel free to send in asks to direct it because I’m not 100% sure where this is going and you can help decide if you feel so inclined! You can see the process I went through to build this at this link.

I also have a playlist on youtube (because Spotify didn’t have one of the songs I wanted).

Previous Book(s)

Book 2: Part 1 Part 2

They sat down in the living room. Janus let Emile have the entire couch and sat on one of the matching armchairs himself. There was a squeaky sound when he sat. The plastic covering the chair had been delivered in was still on it.

Emile had a pleasant, open but curious expression on his face and Janus suddenly had an idea what it felt like to be his patient.

“I,” Janus began after a moment, shifting uncomfortably on the squeaky chair. “I don’t know how to start this conversation. I talked about what I wanted to say and possible ways to say it with Dr. Figueroa, but I… I still don’t know. I guess I should start by saying that I did something horrible that I need to apologize for, and I’m not sure if apologizing will even be enough. The problem is you don’t even know what that horrible thing is.” Janus stared at his feet. “So, first, I should probably explain what I did. I just don’t know where to start.”

“Maybe start with what happened before it,” Emile suggested. “Just lead up to it. It might help explain why whatever it was happened too.”

Janus took a breath. “Okay,” he said. “That day was just like most. We both woke up early. I was going to the TPI and you were going to where you worked your residency. We ate leftover pizza for breakfast because both of us were exhausted. You because it sucks to be a resident and me because I’d been working on a big case. I was getting…frustrated with the case. That was my first mistake: being impatient and angry. It was just a thief, but a slippery one. She’d stolen a half-broken time piece and was using it to rob banks within about a 50-year time frame. I had an idea of where she might go, but no one would listen to me. Or at least,” Janus quirked a half smile, “that’s how I interpreted it. They said they’d look into my idea, but they were being extra cautious because of how close in the timestream her actions were to most of the agents’ lives. I was so tired of the case and so egotistical. I decided to check it out on my own without being cleared by the TPI. I went back in time without thinking of the consequences.”

Janus took a breath. “That was the worst thing I’ve ever done,” he continued. “I’m not sure how, but somewhere in the course of my self-appointed mission…” He trailed off. He didn’t know how to say it. He really didn’t

“What happened?” Emile asked when he didn’t continue.

“I…” and his next words probably sounded like crackly nonsense to Emile’s ears because he couldn’t get his thoughts straight. His tongue tangled around the shape of the words. “I don’t even remember living in that town or the fact that Mom used to work at that bank,” he choked out. “I didn’t think, and I didn’t check and…” There was a long silence. “I erased you,” he finally managed to say in a whisper, but in the quiet of his barely lived in house, the words were loud.

There was more silence. “But I…” Emile said after a moment.

“I went back and fixed it,” Janus said, “but I… didn’t do a perfect job. I don’t even know how much I messed things up. It would have been one thing if it’d just been me. If it had just impacted my life, but I did it to you and I don’t even know how to start to apologize.”

Nothing was said for a long moment. Janus didn’t look at him.

“…Huh,” Emile finally said.

Janus risked a glance at him. He didn’t look irate, but he did still look confused which was probably the reason for that.

“I’m sorry,” Janus said. It was really the only thing he could say at this point.

Emile tilted his head to the side. He took off his glasses and cleaned them with the edge of his shirt with slow circles. Since he was 15, Emile only cleaned his glasses with specially designed wipes, but he’d held onto the habit of cleaning his glasses with his shirt anytime he needed a moment to think. Janus wasn’t sure if Emile even realized he was doing it, but he knew it was a signal for Janus to be quiet for a few seconds.

The glasses were perched back on Emile’s nose after a few seconds. “I think I remember that,” he said contemplatively.

“…What?” Janus asked, and he was no longer avoiding looking at Emile. He was now blatantly staring at him.

“Well, I didn’t know what it was,” Emile said, “but I did have a very odd dream on the day you mentioned and suspiciously I had said dream in the middle of the day and woke standing up.”

“A dream?” Janus asked.

“A very vivid dream,” Emile said. “I don’t believe you actually erased me completely from existence. My life was simply shifted slightly. I was someone else working as a social worker someplace else for about 5 hours and then I was suddenly back in my appropriate place.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about that?” Janus asked, but then immediately winced at his own hypocrisy. “Er… never mind.”

“I didn’t know it was possibly real,” Emile said. “Honestly, I thought I was just really tired. I’d been overworking myself a lot. I took the rest of the day off after that.”

“You shifted reality for a few hours, and you didn’t realize it?” Janus asked.

“Like I said, I was really tired and nothing seemed to be wrong…”

“Wait, but things were different,” Janus said. “Didn’t you notice things were different.”

“Not… really,” Emile said. “Like what?”

“Like…” Janus said. “Like a whole bunch of things!”

“Like…?”

“Like you had a different job title and you worked different hours.”

“I thought I’d fallen asleep standing up or had a vivid audio-visual hallucination at work from stress. I asked for a switch a couple of weeks later.”

“You used to hate time travel, but then you took a job at the TPI.”

Emile gave him a droll look. “I still hate time travel,” he said. “I literally just said that not 5 minutes ago.”

“Well then why would you work for the TPI?”

“Because time travel is so confusing and distressing that people doing it on a regular basis as a career need psychological support. Plus, Lia asked for my consultation when developing the mental health part of the Agent Management Office,” Emile continued. “Considering I already knew quite a bit about time travel from being around you, she knew me personally, and I’d finished my residency, she decided to give me a job offer when my advice panned out.”

“W-well,” Janus said. “You were allergic to pineapples.”

“You mean my childhood allergy?” Emile asked. “That has since resolved itself in my adult life?”

“It has?” Janus asked.

“Janus have you considered,” Emile asked, “that some if not all of the inconsistencies you were seeing in my life had to do with the fact that you hadn’t spoken to me in 3 years?”

“I… uh… hadn’t considered that,” Janus admitted honestly.

“You were unconsciously looking for information to support your incorrect world view,” Emile said sounding very much like a head doctor and not like a brother, “and you found some.” He sighed. “It makes sense that after having faced a traumatic event where you essentially thought you’d killed a loved one that you weren’t thinking clearly.” The head doctor analysis voice slipped just a bit. “I just wish you’d talked about it with someone.”

“Sorry,” Janus said, because no matter which way this conversation had gone and no matter the revelations, the point was an apology. “I’m sorry.”

Emile sighed. “I would have forgiven you even if you had erased me,” Emile said. “You didn’t mean to, and you did your best to fix it. You did fix it even if you were an idiot about it.”

“What about for being an idiot and not talking to you for three years?” Janus asked.

“I already did forgive you for that Janus,” Emile said pointedly. “What did you think the last 6 months were?”

“Pity?”

Emile gave him his disappointed and exasperated headshake. “Promise to never do anything like that to me again,” he said, “and I’ll forgive you.”

“I promise,” Janus said immediately.

“And in the future, you’ll talk to me if you have any issue even if you think it’s horrible.”

“I think I’ve learned by lesson on that one.”

“And that goes for other people too,” Emile said. “If anything goes wrong with someone, you talk to them or if that’s too hard you talk to someone so they can convince you to talk to that person.”

Janus nodded.

“Great!” Emile said. “Then you’re officially forgiven for everything. Though I expect you to go to therapy and keep working on making yourself feel better, so these things don’t happen again.”

And Janus… didn’t know how to feel about that. He should probably feel happy and thankful or at least relieved, but if he was being honest, he just felt kind of empty in that moment like an old well that had finally run dry.

Fuck his head doctor and fuck Patton. Wasn’t this supposed to make him feel better? Everything was fine. He hadn’t actually erased Emile permanently from the timeline, in fact, he’d apparently still existed in some form in the alternate timeline Janus had temporarily made. Emile had forgiven him both for erasing him and ignoring him even though that was far more than Janus deserved. This was something he’d never even dared dream would happen, but it had been exactly what he’d wanted.

Yet, he still didn’t feel good, not really, not like how he remembered feeling before all of this happened.

Though was that really a surprise? Things were not like how they were before. He and Emile were no longer close. There was love and affection there, but they didn’t really know each other. The last six months had been nice. He’d been able to pretend for a bit that everything was back to normal, but in the moments he hadn’t been able to pretend that, it’d been a bit stilted and awkward speaking to his brother.

Beyond that, Janus was just used to misery at this point. It was his default state. Not being miserable took effort and energy he didn’t always have. He felt himself slipping into sadness or numbness even during times he should be feeling good. He’d noticed himself experiencing a sense of desolation when Emile cooked his favorite meal or in the middle of watching a ballet performance Emile had suggested they go to and which he’d been looking forward to in the days before. Even now when he should be so happy, so ecstatic, the emotions did not come. Everything should be okay, but it wasn’t.

“You doing alright over there?” Emile asked, and Janus didn’t know how long he’d been silent.

Instinct said to say yes and force himself to move on, but he wasn’t going to break his promise that fast. “Not really, no,” he admitted.

“That’s okay,” Emile said. “Anything I can do to help?”

“I really don’t know.”

“Why don’t we go taste the soup your arch nemesis,” there was a light teasing tone to his voice, “made for you. Some of the vegetables won’t be completely cooked yet, but I’m sure it’s already good.”

“Yeah,” Janus agreed. “Yeah, okay,” he got to his feet, the chair making that plastic squeaking sound again. “Maybe we could unwrap the furniture in here before you go home.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Emile said with a smile.

[emmaelt]

On ADHD and time blindness

Time is such a funny concept to me.

It is going to be 2025 quite soon, and yet I am still stuck on the fact that it is next year and thus must be really far away. This concept of years feels so slow to me, but actually years are more fluid than I think they are, not blocks of their own but interconnected and only separated by the gap between one second and the next.

I have an issue with delayed gratification - it's so hard to motivate myself for some concept of the future that I can't even begin to grasp, that makes it so I want the thing now.

The other thing is that time doesn't always feel like it's taking the same space. One 5 minutes can stretch indefinitely, and the next can be so fast I don't notice it passing. I know this is about how distracted I am (bored is slow, engaged is fast) but also about my energy levels, the weather, where I am in my cycle, who I'm with. I'm not sure if this is an 'that's how everyone feels!' thing, or just a me thing.

Dr Devon Price talks about how neurodivergent people see time in chapter 6 of the book 'Unmasked', and introduces Rose's spiral rather than linear progression as the concept of time. It's been really interesting for me to understand that time does not have to be linear, but also really shocking for me to realise that actually I have never seen time like that! Time either is extremely slow, or it is much too fast. I simultaneously feel as if I have been 34 for years, and that I was just in Japan celebrating my birthday with my friends. There is no inbetween. I also feel 5, 16, 27, and 34 all at once. In fact, I actually also feel about 107, but I think that's because I didn't know I was neurodivergent until this year...

I get 'waiting mode' like many neurodivergent people, but mine has a tinge of rush to it, where I either cannot do a single thing or I must do all of the things. For example, I have an appointment with my personal trainer at 11am, I need to leave by 10:30, and I am a morning person - therefore I must have done all of my chores at lightning speed before 9am so I can sit and wait for an hour and a half? Why can I not pace them out and not exhaust myself? Why can I not do anything closer to the time?

There's also a part of me - that I think has always been there but was made worse by the events of 2015 (mainly the results of the American election) - where I feel as if the world will end before the thing I'm waiting for happens. This fatalist approach makes me mourn the things that I therefore think won't ever get to happen to me in particular, as well as to the world... I want everything to happen now so I don't miss it. The other part of it as well is that I am not expecting my brain to allow me to enjoy the thing by the time it does eventually happen - e.g. I am currently hyperfixated on Bridgerton, and season 4 may come by the time my brain decides I am no longer allowed to watch things again.

Going back to spiral time, my brain makes connections between supposedly random (to others) things, that feel so correct to me. Perhaps it's neurodivergence, synesthesia or similar. Certain months have connections - February and November have the same vibe to me, like siblings. June and December, though the weather is so different, feel the same somehow. I have it with numbers, textures, colours. I think it's also why I like certain harmonies in music over others, certain chord structures feel correct.

[foster-the-world]

Bumpire no more

For months baby boy been saying he wants to be a bumpire (aka: vampire) for Halloween. Today when I said Bumpire (because why would I ever correct him) he said "NO VAMPIRE." Aw, my babies getting big. I'm going to miss his sweet little kid voice so much.

We met with a development ped today. The agency made the appt so it was a not particularly well regarded hospital by our house. Mostly low income patients. Long line when we arrived. Three out of three of the patients in front of me had the kids interpreting for the parents. The 11 year old came into get her vaccines but they said because she hadn't visit their office in 2+ years she needed a physical first. They didn't have an appt until Oct 3rd. The receptionist tried to tell the Dad to find an appt somewhere else but I don't think he was understanding. He took the Oct 3rd appt. I am now very worried this child is not going to go to school until Oct 3rd :( The child wrote down the date and time of the appt in their own calendar app. So many kids have so much responsibility. So difficult for everyone.

Our own appointment left me depressed. It was his nap time so he was not behaving. Not that he would have anyway. Places where you are supposed to sit quietly are not his strong suit. I told the Dr about his hyperactivity. She was new and/or a resident??? After five minutes she went to tell the more senior Dr everything I told her. This Dr came in and was asking all of the autism screener questions. She didn't seem to believe my answers. I don't mind if he has autism -in fact it opens up a ton of services that a SPD diagnosis on its own won't get him. And perhaps I'm wrong and he does but is not typically persenting. Certainly there is a ton I don't know about autism. But his behavior does not match the screener questions. He tried to turn off the lights a few times. She tried to turn that into "repetitive behavior". The only repetitive thing he does is ignore whatever you tell him not to do. She verified ADHD was likely. She said he's "self-directed' which I believe means doesn't listen to anyone. True. She said she wants him in speech after he didn't respond much to two or three quick questions. Again, in this instance I believe his problem is not feeling the need to respond/perform/listen. He understands everything. There were three new adults in a tiny room (there was another student shadowing). He speaks in long sentences all of the time. They were asking about three word sentences - he's been doing that for literally years. He speaks in 8/9/10 words sentences regularly through out the day at home. The other Dr even piped in to say she heard him talking in longer sentences to me. But if they will send a speech person to the school I don't mind. He does stutter on occasion and I don't know about his articulation. I understand him just fine but that doesn't mean everyone can. She mentioned something about maybe needing a smaller special ed school. I hate when people brush off my concerns about him AND I hate when people validate them. Can't win either way with me. I know I'm extra sensitive about him. Also, skeptical how she would know after three or four minutes. On the other hand I was there because I'm super concerned with how he's going to do in a 3K program. He just doesn't listen or sit still the way other kids his age do. I guess will find out next week.

A smaller special ed school would be fine if that's what he needs. I'll have a little mourning time about what we planned for him. We love the girls school and wanted all of our kids in the same place with the same lovely community. Anyway, not much point thinking about it. Will see what comes. He does fine at daycare. If 3K doesn't work for him he can go back there until we figure out a perfect spot for him.

[buggyandthebartoclub]

Vent post sorry I have no where to scream into the void but here and I am having an anxiety attack lolll

Screaming and trying not to throw up!!!! Lol!!!!

Shoutout to texas medicaid for telling me we were covered till the end of November then suddenly revoking our coverage and sending us the $400+ bill for our sons bloodwork!!! So cool thanks!!!!

Somehow our coverage is denied and our renewal app from JANUARY (which is somehow??? Not the one we most recently had coverage on???) is in review??? And they are ONCE AGAIN

Trying to say my husband is somehow the household provider an adult, but also a child who needs child support, while also being the absent father of said child so he needs to pay child support to… idk himself????

I swear to god I am this 🤏🏼 fucking close to absolutely losing it!!!

I can’t get a fucking appointment in person and ofc you can’t get anyone on the fucking phone !!!!

Not supposed to talk about it online but no one irl knows me here besides like 1 of you so fuck it. My husband was out of work almost a whole!!! Month!!!

Bc he got sideswiped on the highway and now we’re in the middle of a fuckign personal injury lawsuit and thank GOD for the law firm we’re using who works on contingency bc they’re footing the dr bills rn bc he has to go to the chiropractor 3x a fucking week rn (and which is well over $200 a visit bc of shockwave treatment therapy whatever it’s fucking called)

And we have fallen so behind on bills etc, fuck paying for meds who can afford that??

I am literally spiraling into the biggest anxiety attack of my life I have a fucking child to take care of I never cared about being dirt poor when it was just us I’ll live off nothing if I have to but we have a 3yo!!!

I fucking hate texas I can’t wait till we can fucking leave when this court case is over if we have anything left we are moving to North Carolina to be with our chosen family/our sons god parents where at least we’ll have some emotional and moral support nearby we’re just down here by ourselves 8hr one way to anyone (and those anyones are transphobic homophobic racist pieces of shit !!! Shocker!!!! So how much support/help are they really??)

ANYWAY I’m fucking fine we prepaid for a few visits of therapy w extra money I made doing pieces for people on fb so I will be able to work out some of this next visit I just really needed to lose mt shit somewhere thanks

[bitchwork]

Your one. Wild and precious.

The most salient thing about finding the lump was my lack of worry. I had my regular gynecologist appointment coming up and figured I’d mention it then. This is notable because I’m a known hypochondriac. (Side note: doesn’t it feel like it should be “hypERchondriac”?) Anyway, to give an example, I’d pulled a muscle in my back a few months before and became convinced that the pain was actually from a tumor on my spine that had finally grown big enough to make itself known. I spent an evening googling symptoms of bone cancer. That’s the kind of cancer that animates my nightmares. For some reason, breast cancer never really caught my imagination. It seemed too feminine, too pink, too popular. I had the irrational but strong belief (how often those two go together) that my breasts weren’t big enough to cause any problems. 

When Dr. Ruby confirmed the presence of the lump, she said, “You’ve earned yourself a mammogram and an ultrasound,” and I swear I felt a flash of pride like I’d gotten 100% on a test. After so many health fears had come to naught, I had finally correctly diagnosed myself with something. A lump. She said it was almost certainly a cyst but I needed to get it checked out. “I can’t pretend I didn’t feel it,” she said, then amended, “Well I could, but I shouldn’t.” She tells me – and I confirmed this – that 90% of newly discovered breast lumps turn out to be benign. This fact didn't stop me from descending into existential despair over the next week.  

Two days later, I was in Brooklyn visiting M for a long-planned weekend in the city. He’s either a good or a bad person to be around for something like this. He’s had his own health fears, so he’s genuinely empathetic, but because he’s pessimistic about the body’s ability not to totally fuck everything up, there’s the feeling when you’re talking to him about your lump that although he’s telling you it’ll be fine, what he’s thinking is how sad it is that you’re gonna die. 

Over that weekend, I cycled repeatedly through the stages of grief, but spent most of the time jumping from denial to acceptance of my imminent death and back again. I got so far ahead of myself that there were times when I was actually already dead. It’s not just that the lump would be found to be cancerous. It’s that it would be found to be terminal and the only question would be how long I had. I felt that I could work with two years. This seemed like long enough that death could still feel unreal. Long enough that other people I knew could conceivably die before me, a possibility that I found comforting. If not two years, then I didn’t want more than a week. Long enough to surround myself with loved ones but not so long that I could be expected to get a good start on a memoir. 

I walked around Brooklyn feeling the sun on my face. Oh beautiful sun. How I’ve loved thee from afar. I wondered how old John Keats was when he died of tuberculosis. “I already got more time than a lot of people,” I told M. I think of a friend of a friend, a promising young woman, who had died in a horrific car crash right after college. Now that’s unfair. I’m 37. At one time that would have been considered a ripe old age.

We go see The Zone of Interest and afterwards go home and watch Deep Impact. This double feature of death was a mistake. By the end of the night I feel bereft, although I did have a Deep Impact based realization. I’d never really understood making a huge deal about the world ending, because we already know the world ends. It happens when we die. But as I watched our asteroid-spotting hero running up a mountain to escape the tidal wave that had already killed Tea Leoni and her feckless father, I realized that it actually would be way sadder to die knowing everyone else was dying too. This realization made me feel spiritually generous and a little less morose about my quickly approaching end. At least the world would go on without me. 

By the time I went to my mammogram appointment a week later, I’d roped so many people into this little psychodrama that I was starting to get the appeal of cancer. People really seemed to care! Everyone should die twice. That way you could really enjoy it the first time. 

After the mammogram I get an ultrasound and then lie on the gurney in the darkened room waiting for the doctor to come and confirm my fate. The doctor does come. He’s young. Beautiful boy. So much life left to live. He tells me matter of factly that from what they can see on the mammogram, it’s not likely to be cancer. I still need to get a biopsy, but he declares the whole situation low risk and walks out as I sniffle into a tissue.  

I read that people who identify as hypochondriacs die an average of five years earlier than those who don’t. This is the hard truth about hypochondria, one day you’ll be right. But that day is not today.   

The euphoria doesn’t hit for a few hours, but when it does. It does. This is the secret upside to letting yourself completely unravel. The hypochondriac’s little prize, which is actually not so little. When your fear comes to nothing you have the elation of someone who has narrowly escaped death. You’re not just back to where you were. You’re better than ever. Music tastes like ice cream. Ice cream feels like cocaine. Were you actually close to death? No. But that doesn’t matter to your brain, which can’t tell the difference between a lion and a door slamming kind of loud in your vicinity. 

You realize this is what you could do with your one wild and precious life. Instead of living, perform death. Be carried from one little hysteria to the next. The perfect narrative arc over and over until it’s over. Luckily by that time you’ll be so good at it. It’ll be perfect. You’ll have finally gotten it right.  

(Ed note: Biopsy confirmed lump to be benign. Phew.)