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#need to be better about taking the time to read and appreciate longer works
bi-writes · 5 months
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i find it hilarious that the shit i write 2 minutes before i pass out and fall asleep always gets a fuckton of attention and what i write that takes me 14+ business days just looks cute on my masterlist
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honey-doc · 6 months
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Why I appreciate Kabru and Mithrun's relationship in the story (with pictures!)
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I just want to express how much I loved reading through the chapter with the 6 days they spent together and how I think their relationship developed in a pretty sweet way.
I feel like a lot of people reduce their dynamic to "nurse and patient" and that makes me sad because I personally got a lot more from it than that.
I do wanna start off by saying I'm here appreciating their dynamic as it is in the text.
Read more (spoilers ofc):
The beginnings
When they first met, there was an air of intimidation surrounding Mithrun as the captain of the ominous Canaries. He demonstrates his proficiency as a fighter and leader which worried Kabru because he knew it would lead to the dungeon falling into elven hands once again. But this threatening aura begins to dim in Kabru's mind as they get to know each other.
Even before they fell down the hole, the both of them ended up relying on each other's abilities a number of times (when the underground governor turned out to be corrupted Mithrun defeated him and Mithrun needed Kabru's deduction skills during the battle on the first floor) which is already the beginning of a great dynamic
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(Kabwu is scared but Mithrun just asks for his help)
After Cithis tasked him with "taking care of Mithrun's needs" for the time being, Kabru treated Mithrun with proper respect and doesn't take advantage of his disability, even using his title “Captain” when he knew Mithrun wouldn’t have cared either way after learning about how he lost his desires. This is in contrast to Cithis who immediately took advantage of her position to mess around with Mithrun when she was taking care of him.
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(When Cithis was put in charge of taking care of Mithrun)
The whole time Kabru is with Mithrun, he treats him like a person and more than just someone to be taken care of, as also he relies on Mithrun's fighting skills, knowledge of the dungeon, and teleportation magic.
When you reduce their dynamic to just "caretaker and patient", you're ignoring Mithrun's own capabilities and making him seem totally helpless. It actually feels rather ableist. They have a more balanced relationship with what Mithrun brings to the table than you may think. Mithrun couldn't have survived down there on his own, but it's the same for Kabru (who famously dies every time he fights)!
Kabru doesn’t show signs of trying to manipulate Mithrun either, and he's no longer intimidated by him in the slightest once he learns he’s not a threat or after his life. Though he does instinctively revert to his "sparkly" persona to get Mithrun to eat the disgusting mushroom, it doesn’t work so Kabru just has him eat it normally and never tries it again. This is the beginning of Mithrun unintentionally encouraging Kabru to be more honest with others.
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(Kabru realizing he can chill out)
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(Kabru being unreserved and Mithrun being silly)
bonus funny moment:
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Bonding
Throughout the journey they talked to each other, shared things with each other, and ate with each other. And Kabru expresses genuine concern about whether Mithrun is comfortable (which is something he could live without and wasn't something the Canaries told him to do).
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(Kabru showing he wants to make him comfortable by making food for him which is a very important part of the narrative)
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(Kabru sharing intimate memories with Mithrun)
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(Kabru initiating conversation without hesitation or worry. This part also is referencing how Mithrun shared very important details of his life with Kabru. Kabru also ends up trusting Mithrun with information about Laios despite knowing he could possibly tell the other Canaries about him and impede his plans..which he does lol they do end up knowing about Laios before meeting him.)
For a bonus Lycion implies Kabru was taking better care of Mithrun than they had been which is interesting to me.
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Mithrun also shows that he has come to trust Kabru's decisions over the Canaries' when he says he wants to stay in the dungeon after fulfilling the caretaker requirement. They did talk to each other a lot, during that time. I wonder what Mithrun's Shapeshifter double of Kabru would look like now?
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Here, Kabru goes out of his way to make sure Mithrun doesn’t overexert himself by knocking him out after the demon leaves with Marcille (again, when his time taking care of him is already over), and I think that demonstrates an extra level of concern he holds for Mithrun.
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(Kabru holding back a hellbent Mithrun)
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(KNOCKOUT!)
He even managed to make Mithrun mad. It's probably because he "let the demon get away" but I think it's cute and funny because would he huff like that at anyone else? Lol
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When the demon breaks through the surface
Kabru begins panicking after Laios turns into the giant monster because he's wondering if he made the right decisions etc. If Mithrun didn’t care about Kabru at least a little bit, he would’ve just left him alone when he started losing it (right after Marcille did the same thing and she is technically more to blame for empowering the demon than Kabru was for not allowing Mithrun to go after it), but he went out of his way to snap him out of it.
It also means a lot to me that Mithrun even says Kabru's name, because in Japanese you can go your entire life without referring to someone by name and it wouldn't sound wrong (just rude) and it's the first time Mithrun says Kabru's name on screen (I checked).
Though it was with a slap, I think it says a lot, because if Mithrun didn’t care at all he wouldn’t have done anything and left him alone. It's not like Kabru could've done anything to stop the demon. He didn't even to tell him to do anything even though Kabru looked ready for an order.
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(To be honest I don't know exactly why Mithrun starts beating him up here but you can say it's another rare demonstration of emotion Kabru was able to evoke in him lol. Maybe it's payment for Kabru stopping him the first time. That can be interpreted as paying it back and/or paying it forward I think.)
The last few chapters
And in the end when Kabru’s motivating Mithrun to continue living his life, he speaks to him like they’re friends/have no rank between them despite using the Captain title for him the whole time. Even Lycion initially gets upset that he’s acting “too familiar” with Mithrun.
It feels like Mithrun changed so much in the short time he spent together with Kabru and before the final battle, and it’s thanks to Kabru that Mithrun finally starts to be able to move past his lingering obsession with the demon and begin to really heal.
This is despite the fact that he spent so much time with Milsril and the other elves who never managed to break through to him like that.
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(Before Kabru) (After Kabru)
And even after his role as Mithrun's caretaker was loong complete, he still shows concern for Mithrun and tells him to take a break when he's using up all his magic to slice the Falin meat (lmao).
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He didn't need to do that! But it shows how he at least slightly considers Mithrun some kind of friend.
It all culminates with Kabru helping Mithrun regain his wil to live and Mithrun confiding in Kabru. Their relationship is important. Kabru continuing to do things for Mithrun to me is more of a sign that he just plain cares about him. Isn't it normal when a friend needs medication for you to remind them to take it? I think it's like that.
Kabru is there with Mithrun when he comes out about his feelings of uselessness AND when Senshi helps him put a spin on the 'vegetable scraps' metaphor and he find meaning in his life again. He's the first one to see him cry :')
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Along with the fact that it feels like Mithrun is the first person we see Kabru doesn't feel the need to change his personality with or put on airs for since Mithrun doesn't need buttering up and he won't get offended if someone were to say something socially awkward, I think they made a pretty good team!
BUT ALSO the REAL reason I became endeared to them is cute shit like this:
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GOD I love them!!!!! There are so many funny sides to Mithrun Kabru was able to bring out, and really show his charm as a character. Mithrun also brings out the best in Kabru while Kabru’s the most genuine he’s been since his debut with Mithrun. We are able to see that he’s just a kind and caring person, rather than the shady obsessed guy most fans have come to believe him to be.
The true depths of their dynamic also grew on me over time :)
TLDR
All in all it’s so nice seeing how even though Mithrun is a really deadpan person, and Kabru is a really secretive and withheld person, they clearly seem to have developed some kind of bond while they traveled together and even changed each other to an extent.
Doesn't Kabru feel more honest near the end? Maybe it's because of how much he talked to and shared with Mithrun during those 6 days so candidly...because they taaaalked a looooot like wow.
They mean so goddamn much to me. I don’t need them to be in a romantic relationship but I do want them to be together forever :'))) or like at least hang out when they have off time since they're still in the same country lol. Praying for Kui to make another side comic of them some time (crying).
Thanks for reading if you made it this far, I mostly arranged this because it makes me sad to see people reduce their dynamic to only one singular aspect.
Anyways ya...love 'em (heart hands)
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helluvapoison · 8 months
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Lend A Helping Hand
Lucifer, Adam, Lute, Vaggie and Husk need help preening
warnings: possible innacurate bird knowledge, heaven headcanons (also probably innacurate) illusions to sexual behavior but it’s not
[ii]
ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ
˚✧₊⁎ Lucifer ⁎⁺˳✧༚
• Lilith used help… when she was around. The thought of asking someone else, much less the act itself, scorched him with guilt
• Oh well. Lucifer did it before, Heaven had rules about it, so he can do it again! And of course he did! It doesn’t mean it’s not an excruciatingly long process he puts off as long as he can tolerate
• You walk in on him attempting to strain his arms in ways they certainly shouldn’t bend. “Need some help?”
• “Pfft, who me? No, no, no I—“ He pauses. It’s like the predicament he’s been caught in settles in slowly, his smile dropping and crimson irises widening to rival a puppy’s cuteness. “Yes.” He admits meekly
• Your fingers barely touch his feathers and Lucifer jolts. Like him, his wings are so sensative
• Don’t take it personally when he tries to back out after that, cheeks bright red from embarrassment. He has six wings and can barely tolerate your touch as is. This could take a while, he already feels bad
• After a teaspoon more of convincing and a gallon of reassurance later, Lucifer sits as still as he can (which isn’t very) while you gently break open the pin feathers
• You could tease if you wanted, make a joke to try and settle his nerves but something tells you his wings aren’t the only thing that’s sensitive
• Lucifer appreciates your assistance and tenderness more than words can describe, nothing seems like a big enough gift to reward your hard work
˚✧₊⁎ Adam ⁎⁺˳✧༚
• Usually it’s Lute that would help him (and vice versa if he feels like it) but she’s nowhere to be found. He can’t casually ask anyone else. Heaven and its inhabitants can be weird about certain shit, preening is no exception— even though everyone has wings here!
• Walking past Adam’s office, you heard a crash and a lot of swearing. “Sir, are you—?”
“Unless you’re gonna help, fuck right off!” He growls from the ground, still reaching at an awkward angle for his wings
• He’s shocked when you sit on your knees beside him and swat his hand away. “If you make this weird, I will leave.” You warn. He doesn’t dare make even a single comment
• Adam shivers when your fingers glide into his feathers. You wave it off the first time but can’t stop a laugh when it happens again
Face first into the carpet, his loud voice is muffled, “Shut! Up!”
• You take pity on him and don’t drag the process longer than necessary. Awarding yourself a final pet of his oddly soft wings, you stand up, “There. All better?”
• Rising to his feet and giving his wings an experimental stretch, he shrugs nonchalantly, “Thanks. I guess.”
• The next day, you receive a basket from Goody-2-Shoes with various snacks. The card reads, ‘Let me know when I can return the favor. Wings don’t have to be included. ~ A’
˚✧₊⁎ Lute ⁎⁺˳✧༚
• You know she needs help when she’s more irritable than usual. Snapping at everyone, even Adam, and flinching when her wings move in the slightest
• Approaching the subject with her is harder than anyone. As aforementioned it’s unspokenly taboo but that isn’t what stops her. Lute’s deep rooted issues with intimacy and needing help will make her walls thicker than ever
• “This is inappropriate,” Lute whispers.
In the dead of night she’s finally allowed you to assist but keeps fidgeting and surveying the area like someone will catch you two.
“It is not,” You roll your eyes, “Get your mind out of the gutter and be still! I’ll have you’ll feeling better in no time.”
• She seriously, seriously doubts that. Anything she can’t do herself, amongst certain divine exceptions, no one could do for her
• …But she’s letting you help (and your adept fingers are doing a better job) So either she doesn’t fully believe that, or you miraculously raised her expectations
• Lute decides the latter is acceptable– and a compliment, especially since you prove her wrong. Triple checking her wings, she can’t find a flaw or deny how wonderful they feel now.
• “This is adequate.”
You snort, “You could just say thanks?”
“How can I repay you?”
“I just told you.”
• She narrows her eyes, shocked and suspicious that you wouldn’t want anything. Lute, again, decides that your endeavor deserves an equal act of goodwill. Don’t take it for granted when she says, “No. I owe you one. One.”
˚✧₊⁎ Vaggie ⁎⁺˳✧༚
• She genuinely forgets what’s wrong with her when she needs to preen. Even with her wings folded away, the irritable pricking can be felt. She’s itching the back of her neck, hand clawing under the crew of her shirt and dipping between her shoulder blades when you ask when’s the last time she checked for pin feathers
• Vaggie’s always been independent. Up in Heaven she was a bit cocky with the fact she never needed help to reach them. Now, she felt helpless and stupid. Her arms cramped up, her hair kept getting in the way and the itching only progressed
• “Can I–?”
“No.” Her ivory eyes go wide, surprised at the fury of her own voice. Sighing and avoiding your (what she assumed was a) pitiful gaze, she apologizes. “Sorry. I don’t know why I… I used to be able to do this alone.”
Pausing at how defeated Vaggie sounds, you do your best to keep a positive, neutral tone.
“Cut yourself some slack, you haven’t done this in years. And, y’know, you don’t have to do it alone now. Not if you don’t want.”
• Smiling at the offer hanging in the air but not quite accepting, she goes about her managerial duties only to knock on your door afterwards
• Vaggie’s so grateful you can’t see how dark her face becomes as you sort through her wings. They’re not sensitive, they never were– it’s something about your fingers delicately touching her that cracks her resolve. Now she starts to understand why this was seen as an intimate act upstairs
• “Thanks for…” Still blushing, she gestures to her wings before hiding them, “Thanks.”
You try to keep up with her indifference but can’t help the smile spreading across your face.
“No problem.”
• If you think she’s not replaying the moment over and over in her head for days afterwards, you’re wrong. Vaggie’s desperately waiting for the moment to be just as useful to you
˚✧₊⁎ Husk ⁎⁺˳✧༚
• He’s hardly a fan of Angel touching him the way he does so a solid relationship is required to unlock the level of trust needed for this activity
• The first time it happens when you’re in his life, he won’t ask but also doesn’t reject the offer. Just looks extremely hesitant and uncomfortable
• Carefully, you pinch the rough layer and eye Husk from over his shoulder
• He breathes out a laugh, “Gonna take more than that to hurt me, sugar. Go on, I’ll be fine.”
• His wings might be the least sensitive… but that could also be all that alcohol in his system
• Husk hums as you work. After he gives a big, cat-like stretch and thanks you with a tip of his hat
• The simple gesture means more than you know, he’ll never forget it
~
╰(*´︶`*)╯♡ accidentally on purpose put them from most to least sensitive wings hehehe
big big big BIG thank you to @kottenox for the inspiration and letting me take this idea and run!
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jjoongiesbetter · 2 months
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✎ᝰ. mon's ateez fic recommendations (part 1)!
mdni!
│hi there! i haven't read much lately so the first part came across as a bit shorter than i expected but the next ones will surely be longer!
— as a writer myself, i just wanted to take a moment to thank all the authors for sharing such incredible writing, your hard work is truly appreciated! thank you for sharing your writing with us! ♡
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⤷ kim hongjoong x reader
♡┆ugh, as if by @ennysbookstore; the whole mini-series is just amazing and i enjoyed each part a lot! once i started i couldn't stop reading! loved how well hongjoong was written! the build-up of the first part was top-notch! and the character development... i should thank the author on my knees for writing this masterpiece. one of the best authors out there! definitely will read again!
♡┆swapped by @daisykihannie; the prompt is just so fun and interesting, one of the most creative ones i stumbled across! i haven't read something like this before. enjoyed it very very much!
♡┆punching bag by @mulloey; i must admit it was so just so undeniably hot, angry hongjoong and also so well-written! you will find me re-reading it an unholy amount of times.
♡┆clumsy hearts, steady love by @edenesth; WHAT IF I TELL YOU I CRIED? i already commented on this one on my main but im going to repeat myself! incredibly written, hongjoong suits the concept so well, my heart hurt a bit while reading but it's hongjoong, of course, i forgive him. somehow still very cute.
⤷ jeong yunho x reader
♡┆active recovery by @k-hotchoisan; y'all so i was always so shy about commenting on smut but tbh don't we all read it? author killed it yet again! got me hot, bothered and i am starting to consider a gym subscription!
♡┆the drill by @byuntrash101; look i know this one was posted last year, and i am so mad for not reading it sooner😭 i loved the storyline, wooyoung as a side character was just so funny, yunho without rizz altered my brain chemistry. i can't lie i was thinking about this fic for days after i read it! it's the perfect blend of fun and smut.
♡┆private lessons by @bombuni; i must admit i love professor yunho and it is always a pleasure finding and reading such fics, especially when it's as good as this one! (would love to see a part two one day)
♡┆muffled by @desirehorizon; the plot!!! the writing!!! the smut!!! and it was funny too!!! what more can i want? perfect!! imma say it once again but i enjoyed every word of this fic!!! can't wait to read more from the author!
⤷ song mingi x reader
♡┆still your biggest fan by @byuntrash101; good god it was just so incredibly hot, we need to appreciate the idea because it surely is creative! who doesn't just love teasing mingi? let's agree that we all do.
♡┆sour candy by @0097linersb; loved the idea🙂‍↕️ needy mingi is my favorite mingi, it was very very hot. you better find the time and read it!
⤷ choi jongho x reader
♡┆minor nuisance by @everyonewooeverywhere; i tell you they are in love love! trust me, you definitely need to read this one! jongho was just so sweet, a great fluff/smut combo and now i need jongho in my life even more :(
♡┆freestyle lap by @bro-atz; we all should know by now that bro is just simply one of the best when it comes to smut and they never, never disappoint. i definitely needed to read this one after i saw that pool jongho pics. if you haven't read it yet, what are you even doing?
♡┆falling and sleeping by @seonghwaddict; it was posted earlier this year but i just had to include it :( it was just utterly cute, jongho is adorable. well-written, and melted my poor heart.
multiple members:
⤷ choi jongho x kang yeosang x reader
♡┆the post show high by @bombuni; i must shamelessly admit while reading it i felt like the author somehow got into my brain and just picked one of my fantasies, hope it's not tmi. so saying i loved it it's an understatement! one of my favorite authors for real!
pairings:
⤷ kim hongjoong x jeong yunho (hohong)
ao3 ♡┆darling, you will bury me (before i bury you) by SunshineAndRayne; cute cute cute! i loved every letter of it, yunho is so whipped and i am living for it!
ao3 ♡┆waiting for you by marspacz; i absolutely loved this one so much! my heart needed this, had me smiling the entire time i was reading! and then the shotgun scene—damn, that was hot!
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elsplayground · 6 months
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Goverment Hooker
dbf Joel Miller x f!reader ( Joel is a Security Guard )
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Summary: Joel miller, your dad’s best friend is a security guard for celebrities. He takes you to one of his jobs as part of a university homework you need to do, but he let his guard down.
Warnings: 18+ MDNI ! No outbreak, Unprotected p in v, mutual masturbation, explicit smut, a lil dominant Joel, secret relationship, orgasm denial, edging, dirty talk, fingering, semi-public sex, very slight bondage ( hand tied up, can easily be freed if wanted),Age gap, DBF Joel because who doesn't like that tbh, reader is in her 20', No body description except outfit and gender, no outbreak, porn w/plot, fluff, kind of slowburn.
w/c: 6k ( i'm actually proud for a second time )
a/n: Second smut !! i'm so proud of this one it's wayyy longer than the first one i did and like 10 times better (crying). Also theres a fanart on the banner but when i found it on pinterest the artist wasnt tagged :((( so please if you know who it is please feel free to comment !! love you whoever is reading this <3
Thank you for reading <3 notes, comments and reblog are heavily appreciated !!
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“I need to do this uh…homework” you chew on your food. Good, delicious, and steamy coming right out of the stove. “I have to go to one of you two’s job and make a report” you stab one of the peas in your plate. “I mean I’d gladly take you but you know how boring my job is, huh? And your mom’s abroad” your dad says, rushing to eat his plate.
Your dad works a night job at an Amazon warehouse, something about packing orders, taking a box, putting wrapping paper and the object inside the box, taping it up, taking another box, putting wrapping paper inside, and bla bla bla… Your mom, she’s an airplane pilot going around the world. She’s barely home but she always make sure to send you some well decorated cards with landscapes on them, or to ship some gifts like magnets, you love magnets, your fridge is full of it by now but you still getting excited every time a small box arrives home. But like your dad said, you can’t possibly go with her. “Maybe you should go with Miller, from across the street, remember him ?” Of course you do, even though your dad and him didn’t meet for a long time like they used to. You kind of miss the nights around the barbecue where they would both laugh their ass off together, but now this barbecue is black and grey with dust of burnt charcoal that hasn’t been cleaned in a while. You haven’t talked to Miller since the last time the three of you met for dinner. The only interaction you’d have with him now would only stop at a little wave from across the street and a “hey how you doing?” every once in a while when leaving the house. “I mean why not…” you think. “What’s his job? We haven’t talked in a long time, wasn’t he in a contracting job or something like that ?” Your plate empty, you get up and pick up your plate along with your dad’s and put them into the dishwasher. “ yeah… think he got some problems with his brother, and they were both fired for some reasons. Now I don’t know what he’s doing but he’s wearing black suits every morning when he leaves so maybe it’s a job interesting enough for you to work on it.” He sighs, like a dad sigh, and gets up from his chair, walking out of the room. “food was good honey” he smile. That same night, your dad left for work while you’re in front of Miller’s door. The lights are on inside, it’s dim and gives a comforting vibe to his house which is quite unexpected for a man as rough and difficult as Mr. Joel Miller. You knock on the hard wood of his door, kind of hesitant because why would you go see your neighbor for a homework based on your parents? You shake your head. Whatever, no one is going to know anyways. The door open in a quick swift with a sudden smell of crackling fire and…roasted potatoes and meat? “Hey Miller,” you greet looking into his eyes, brown and sleepy. “I’m sorry to bother you but I had a question quite important.” He smile and nod “whatcha want kiddo’?”. You forgot his seductive accent, a while back it wouldn’t have the same effects that it has on you right now. You’re still a little hesitant to ask, afraid to bother him this late and during dinner. “I have this homework I’m supposed to do on one of my parent’s job. I have to go with them for like a day and make a report, but my parents are too busy, and dad told me to ask you instead” “Well, I’d gladly help you but uh, it’s quite early in’a mornin” “That’s fine, I can get up early.” You smile at him “Well now that you’re here,” he looks back to his kitchen, then back at you. “I got spare dinner here, wanna eat here so we can talk about this a little and maybe if you want…crash here for the night? The job has flexible hours so if I get a call earlier, I need ya to be ready.” This was kind of unexpected, but you’re surprised, a good surprised. “I’m down but I didn’t take any clothes with me. Honestly, I wasn’t sure you’d agree with this.”
You laugh it off, kind of embarrassed and a bit flustered. “I’ll give you something to sleep in” he smiles.
Spending the night at his house, eating dinner with him. All these emotions, the butterflies in your stomach is all new. You never really thought about it, but hell Mr. Miller is kind of hot. You’ve always dated guys your age. Some were good and some others disappointing, but you never thought of dating someone older and especially not this old or anyone being your dad’s best friend. The forbidden love that is so slowly and so suddenly growing in you. Why now? Why him. You sit down at the end of the table. Joel’s in the kitchen preparing the food. He brings the plates to the table, and he sit at your left, close to you. And you were right, it was potatoes and meat, and it was quite good compared to what you thought Joel was capable of and it’s quite pleasing to be eating this good. After a while talking about your homework, how the day would most likely go and you daydreaming about how hot he is the more you look at him, he offers you to watch a movie before bed. You both sit down and start watching this movie called Curtis and Viper 2, you’d figure it’s his favorite since he can’t stop going “oh look here” or “I love this scene” every once in a while. After what feels like a hour, your eyes are slowly closing and before you realize, your head is on his shoulder. It was slowly falling with time, and by the look on his face he doesn’t seem to be too bothered about you getting so close to him. “Wake up sweetheart” his voice is calm. You lift your head to follow the sound of his voice “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you like that,” you say while standing up. “I think I’m gonna take a shower before bed.” You go upstairs and into the bathroom. It’s quite big and smells like colognes and 3 in 1 shampoo. You always feel weird taking a shower at other people’s house, scared someone might walk in so you cough loudly to let the whole house know someone’s in here. You take a big towel for your body, a small one for your face and hair and hang them both on the dryer to make them warm for when you get out. The water is hot and steamy, droplets hits your face like ashes from a fire and you’re hot but not just from the water. Your core keeps burning for him and it gets worst with time. You can’t stop thinking about him, His face, his body, his shirt showing every detail of his biceps, his veins going down his arm and hands, his calloused fingers from playing guitar touching you, feeling your body. Fuck. Too far. You rinse the soap off your body and step out of the shower. The light is dim and making you even more sleepy than you already are. You put on whatever moisturizer Joel has in his bathroom filled with man products, breaking your skincare for one night won’t affect your skin too much. Suddenly the door open. Maybe you should’ve fucking coughed instead of daydreaming like a teen. Joel stops, his mouth slightly open in an “o” shape.
“Fuck, I’m so sorry sweetheart I should’ve knocked first,” he turns his head around as you quickly grab your towel from the floor and wrap it around you. “ ‘forgot to give you clothes before you got in.” He hands you the clothes, his clothes, considering Sarah has left a long time ago. “It’s okay you can look, I’m covered.” You say shyly. He turns back to you and unconsciously look you up and down without saying a word. You take the stash from his hands. “Thank you, I’ll be out in a minute” you smile. You finish changing in his shirt, a too-big dark brown shirt with his name embroidered on the top right part, must be from his old job as a contractor. You figure you’d be better in your panties rather than the pants he gave you considering the weather and how warm it is in this house. You go back into the living room and start searching for a blanket to sleep in. Luckily one big enough to cover your body but not your feet is folded neatly in a drawer under the TV. “Whatcha doin?” Joel goes down the stairs. “Oh I’m just…getting my bed ready” “There’s no way you’re sleeping here,” he says, in a commanding tone “Sarah’s room is my gym now, so you’ll sleep in my bed.” You let out a muffled laugh “yeah like you’ll sleep on a damn couch with your broken back you old grandpa ?” He looks at you with a crooked smile, a little hurt since you called him a grandpa but your personality makes him smile. “Yeah well what do ya suggest smartass ?” You’re hesitant to even try to suggest it but hell if he doesn’t want you on the couch then you need to try other solutions no matter how embarrassing they can be. “Then let’s both sleep in your bed.” You both end up in his bed. It’s awkward, a lot, but at least it’s comfy. Joel is long fallen asleep while you twist and turn every few minutes trying so hard to sleep but something is keeping you awake, something deep down in your core. Joel turns and end up facing you, still sound asleep. You can’t help but look at him and all his features. His crooked nose, his wrinkles softer than when he’s awake. It makes you realize that he’s almost constantly frowning, giving him a mean gaze that could scare people that don’t know him personally. But here, now, he’s so soft and so different. Oh, and he’s shirtless. It’s distracting but you’re in panties, so it feels a bit more casual. His skin is slightly tanned, just the perfect kind of tanned at this time of the year, and it’s a good tan, a brown one not a tomato kind of tanned. Fuck, you need to sleep. You turn around trying not to think about him and finally sleep, when you suddenly feel something against you. Joel moved closer, and he’s now wrapping his arm around your waist. Your breath stops for a second. It’s probably just a reflex from his body but he’s so warm, a good warm even though it’s hot under the sheets but you don’t want to wake him up. The sensation in your core is growing, like an alien trying to come out of your stomach to eat you out. “Fuck you Miller” you whisper. You hear a phone buzz and it’s waking you up. Joel is still holding you but now he’s closer and you can feel something hard on your lower back. It makes you blush but no matter how hard you try, his arm is holding you tight and you can’t escape. “Joel,” you shake his arm slowly. You hear him grumble. “Your phone is ringing”.
“Shit” he finally wakes up and it takes a few seconds for him to realize the position he’s in, and the way his body reacted to yours. “I’m so sorry, I uh… I have no excuse” he jumps out of the bed and takes his phone. He takes the call and leave the room. You check the clock. 5 a.m., you throw yourself back into the bed. “a C might’ve been better than this” you spit. Joel comes back in the room after a few minutes. “Just got a call, some job for us in a city nearby, you should get dressed” he leaves the room once again.
You put on the same clothes as yesterday, a black tank top with black shorts and some converse. You thought maybe dressing all black just like Joel’s uniform would make you look a bit more professional.
“You look stunning” Joel says, entering the room in a full black costume. It’s neatly ironed, not a single wrinkle in sight.
“Looking good too, Miller,” you walk towards him and tighten his tie a bit more.
He smiles “thanks angel”. Dammit, can’t he stop with the pet names, he’s going to make you blush.
“So, where are we going?” you tie your shoe laces in a tight ribbon
“I told ya’, a city a few minutes away from here. We’re taking my truck.”
You already took a trip in Joel’s truck when you were younger, but it was different, your dad was here to do the conversation and make things less embarrassing but now it’s a whole different situation. You still don’t know what to do with your feelings, should you tell him on the road? during the job? you can’t think straight with the small time of sleep you had.
You both hop into his truck; the weather is still quite hot for an early morning.
“How much time till we get there?” you buckle up and look at your phone.
“We got 20 minutes, you can put on some music if you want”
You connect your phone and put on some Arctic Monkeys on. You’re still debating if you should try to make a move on Joel because honestly, you’re starting to miss getting laid, and trying it out with an older guy would be fun.
But the fact that Miller is your dad’s friend makes it weird. Would he get along with it? Or would he just stop you the moment you put your lips on his?
Giving it a try won’t hurt considering you barely see him anyways so avoiding him won’t be too hard. Just no waving and no “Hi Mr. Miller” from across the street.
After like 5 minutes, Joel finally talks.
“Are you seeing anyone? Some guy from your school?” He lowers the volume of your music.
“No, why?” Here. Make a move. “Would you be jealous if I was?” you open the drawer in front of you and search for some candy, every sane people has some sweets in their car. You find a lollipop and unwrap it.
“ ‘twas just a question” he says as you put the lollipop in your mouth and lay your feet on the dashboard. He side eyes you and sigh.
“Well, no, no one’s interesting enough, I guess. Everyone is so focused on school; I haven’t seen a single person kiss another in the corridors or in some empty classes.”
You lick at your lollipop as you make eye contact with him. “Guess I should try older.” You smirk.
You see him adjust in his seat and taking a deep breath. He turns the volume back on to the song.
“How many secrets can you keep ?
‘Cause there’s this tune I found
That makes me think of you
somehow”
This song couldn’t be even more on point than now.
“What about you,” you ask, “You seeing anyone?”
“Not really, not really searchin’ for sum’ serious right now” he leans on the edge of his window, putting his hand into a fist to cover his mouth, he fidgets.
“So like… you just want sex?”
He chokes on his own saliva and coughs “What the fuck are you on about? Jesus “he spits “I mean, maybe, but I’m not actively searching or anythin’” 
“You got any age preference?” You take a chance.
“Uh…No, not really” You turn to him, making your belt a bit longer so you can get comfortable.
“Would you fuck me?” You lick on your lollipop; it has become a small pink ball now with all the sucking and licking.
“Jesus girl, you’re my best friend’s daughter” he doesn’t even seem angry or annoyed at the question somehow.
“You didn’t say no though” you smile.
“Doesn’t mean I agree.”
“Okay but, imagine if I wasn’t, would you?” he keeps looking at your lips while you talk.
“You gotta learn how to walk before learning how to run, sweetheart”
“What if I wanna run though?” You say as his grip tightens on the wheel, his knuckles turning white.
You both arrive at a hotel Joel’s company booked before you two arrived. It’s a nice place, a 5 stars hotel. He must stay at the same hotel as the person he has to protect, obviously.
“They booked us…well, me, a single bedroom since it wasn’t really planned for you to come, so we’ll have to share a bed” Joel say
“Again” you smirk. He’s probably already annoyed by you, but he still hasn’t complain, you just assume.
“Come” her orders you, you follow him to the room.
It’s quite big, it has a double bed with dark burgundy sheets and pillows, a big shower along the right side of the room that is basically the size of a whole bathroom, there’s two showerheads and the walls are transparent, so yes, a few meters long shower. What for? No idea.
The toilets are on the other side of the room along with a double sink and a huge light up mirror and fancy soaps you will definitely steal. There’s windows and a balcony in the between with a fancy view on the city.
“We’re gonna have to sleep here tonight if that’s okay with ya’, we might come back home late, and the room is free so we should enjoy instead of going home.”
two nights in a row in the same bed as Joel wasn’t something you’ve planned but you’re not mad about it, to be honest. As long as your assignment is complete…hopefully.
“We got an hour before we have to leave,” he put his bag to the side of the bed. “You can sleep a bit if you want, try to take back the hours of sleep you lost.”
Wait? is he aware that you were awake? Did he grab you on purpose? There’s no way.
“I’m not really tired anymore,” you sit on the bed in front of Joel as he unbuttons his suit jacket. You look up at him and bite your lips. You’re praying inside that he doesn’t reject you, that he follows your movements.
“Well, ion’ know what else you could do besides wait here like a behaved girl” Fuck, was this intentional? If not, it still turned you on.
You have no idea what to do right now, unbuckle his belt, suck him off? Or tease him?
Tease him.
You stand up and start walking towards the huge transparent walls shower, taking off your clothes on the way. Once arrived in the shower, you stand under the showerhead, open the water hose, and turn around searching for Joel.
He’s looking at you with black eyes, devouring you with his hands on his hips.
“Fuck” he spits.
He hurries to unbutton his shirt and take his fancy well ironed pants off along with his boxer.
Oh.My.God.
Your heart has never raced this fast in your life. He’s so big and he’s not even hard yet, you wonder how you never notice it before.
He gets into the shower and stand right in front of you under the shower, the water dripping down his hair and the tip of his nose.
“I don’t know what the fuck ya’ want from me, but you’re tempting me you fucking tease” His word travel down your spine and reaches your core.
His hands slide down your side, reaching your panty line.
“You have an hour to choose if you want to have fun or if you wanna go get a snack and get ready to write your lil’ presentation about me” his face gets closer to yours as your back arches.
“What if I want you to be my snack?” You say, slightly touching the tip of his cock growing bigger the more he looks at you.
He takes your wrists and pin them above your head and hold them up with one of his hands as the other grip one of your breasts. His fingertips are slightly twisting your nipple as he brings his lips to yours, indulging in a dirty, filthy kiss being washed away by the water running down.
Your hand grabs his shaft, stroking it slowly. “You’re so dam’ teasing’, if your father finds out I’m making out with his daughter, I’m a dead man” he growls as your hand twist slightly when reaching the tip of his cock
“We can keep it secret.” You smirk
“You wanna be my dirty little secret, huh?”
You hear a phone ringing on the bed, but Joel turns your head back to him. “Leave it, they’ll call back.”
After a session of teasing and kissing in the too-big shower, the both of you come out of it all wet and steamy. Joel picks up a towel and wrap it around you. He takes another one, smaller, and dries your hair with it. He is so gentle even though you’ve been closed to him for a few hours only, the day before he would only see you as the daughter of your best friend that lives across the street, nothing more.
Joel walks to the bed and pick up his phone, his towel around his hips.
“Fuck!” He screams. “Boss called, the woman I was supposed to work for left earlier, we should’ve been gone by now” He put his clothes back on, muttering shit shit shit while doing so.
A black car with tinted windows comes out of the underground garage of the hotel and stops right in front of you.
“You’re in fucking trouble Miller” The driver guy said. He is big, his black vest almost merging into one with his muscles.
Joel opens the door for you and almost pushes you in.
“We’re ten minutes away from her, you better get yourself ready M” he says, hitting the gas.
 You feel something on your thigh, crawling all the way from your knee to the base of your leg, Joel’s warm hands are touching you, slowly going towards your inner thigh.
“What are you doing?” you whisper. He gets closer to your ear while his hand finally touches your clit through your panties.
“You got me in trouble, made me lose my mind just so I could touch you,” He pulls your panties to the side and slide two fingers through your slit, wetting them just before entering your core with thick digits.
You struggle to keep your pleasure to yourself as a few squeals comes out of your mouth. The car is going fast, the sound of the engine covering whatever filthy sounds you make.
His other hand is reaching for the neckline of your top, his finger slightly pulls on it to have a quick peek of your breasts. You keep panting, his finger crooked into you, reaching that soft spongy spot that makes you shiver if it’s played with a little too much.
“ ‘Atta girl” he say, your heart pounding harder, getting closer to your climax and then…
He stops. Fuck
Your walls are clenching around nothing, it’s demanding for more, something bigger. It’s only waiting for him, but how much longer can you hold it?
The car pulls up to a fancy restaurant with a forest green and gold storefront. You see a few paparazzi outside taking pictures from afar, probably of the girl inside.
The driver gets out of the car and pull out his phone, calling to get orders.
“Take them off” Joel says looking at you, then your hips
“What…My panties?” you frown.
“Yeah” He smirk, and he’s so damn hot when he does.
You take your shorts off along with your panties. They’re black with some floral lace at the top, hot but still comfortable and covering.
Joel takes it in his hands and makes a small ball of fabric out of it and put it in the back pocket of his jeans. “Mine” he whispers, kissing you one last time before getting out of the car, holding out his hand for you to follow him.
“We have to secure the perimeter and make sure none of this fuckers get in” the big guy say as you take out your notebook and a pen from your backpack and start taking notes: how things start, Joel’s role, his coworkers, and other thing you couldn’t care less about because right now your mind is focused on Joel and not his work, more like the stuff in his pants.
You follow Joel inside the restaurant as he gives his name to the front desk. He sits you at a table near the outside window.
 “Sit here so I can keep an eye on ya’ from outside, take your notes here…look at me and scribble whatever you needa scribble,” he gently caresses your hair as you look up to him “Order anything ya’ want, it’s on me sweetheart” he kisses your forehead and rushes outside, seating at an outside table as a server brings him a cup of coffee. He looks so damn professional for a man who has finger fucking you just a few minutes ago while on your side, you can’t stop thinking about him, your inner thigh still dripping wet.
You order the breakfast menu with some fancy beacon and eggs with toast that cost way too much for little to no change compared to the ones you make at home.
The lady Miller and his big friend are supposed to watch is not far away from you, she’s really pretty, you actually don’t know who she is but considering her style she might be a model, or an actor…or a singer?
Your phone buzzes in your pocket, you see a number pulling up with a text.
Unknown Number: Still wet baby ?
You: Joel ??? howd u get my number?????
You save his number into your contacts.
Joel: Your dad just gave it to me, in case
You put your phone back on the table and keep writing stuff on your notebook, adding more details to the things you’ve already summed up earlier.
Your phone buzzes again.
Joel:  what you writing ?
You:  Shouldn’t u be watching that girl instead of me ?
Joel: yeah but I’d rather focus on you and ur bare pussy
You: omg shut up and do your work so I can have an A+
After a full day of running around town following that lady no matter where she’d go; Louis Vuitton, Prada, a random grocery store for some Redbull. All this while Joel and the big guy were watching her along with a few paparazzi they had to push away. You? You were standing behind Joel the whole time, trying not to be a menace to his job like this morning. All this time of walking around in no panties with only your shorts for cover, you finally go back to your hotel room, exhausted.
“Fuck it I’m so damn tired” You pant after walking up to your room.
Joel comes from behind, throwing your bag away and grabs you from behind, nestling his nose in your neck.
“You too exhausted to get taken care of angel?” you feel his lips curving into a smile against your skin. “Maybe I have a little energy to play a bit” you smile too.
He spins you around and crashes his lips onto yours, taking your breath away in a second. He starts undoing your shorts, freeing your cunt for good. He immediately slides his hand down to feel the wetness between your legs.
“You’re so damn wet, is it all because a’me baby?” he says, close to your ear.
“You made me wait all day long,” you say, “don’t act so surprised.”
“Stop being such a brat, honey, I’m gonna take good care of you, like no one did before.”
 And you know he doesn’t lie, just this morning in the shower and in the car, he treated you way better than any man did before, not that Miller is so damn special but the boys you were with were mostly unexperienced or scared, now at least he knows where your clit and your G spot is.
You’d never thought you’d do this with a person way older than you but now that you think about it, it should’ve been on your bucket list for a while.
He starts kissing you, again and again, not letting a single air particle get through your mouth as he pushes you until the back of your knees touches the table behind you. He grabs your waist, lift you up and sits you on it.
He quickly parts your legs to make space for him as you start to unbutton his plain white shirt.
“You’re so damn hot in that costume Mr. Miller,” you say as he growls for an answer “too bad we need to take it off.”
His bulge is growing bigger with time, his tip pushing onto the zipper. You’re still amazed by how big it is, even though it hurts sometimes it can be exciting.
He finally unzips his pants and take his boxer away while you take your shirt off in a hurry. His cock is throbbing, touching in between your legs almost like its attracted to you like a magnet.
The horniness is high today, the both of you couldn’t stop looking at each other. Him scanning your body up and down when you walk, devouring you with his eyes.
“I hope you touch yourself thinkin’ ‘bout me after that” and he’s right, you might. Touching yourself surely isn’t as good as Joel touching you, or even fucking with him which you’re going to find out, but maybe thinking of him would make it better.
Excitement is pooling in your core, and it’s about to overflow. Your body is heating up as Joel rub himself against your folds, spreading your fluids all over his shaft. Your hips can’t stop moving back and forth almost begging for him to finally get in, to fill you, possess you.
“Please, Joel, please just fuck me already” you keep begging for him.
A slight laugh comes out of his mouth as he finally pushes in and fuck, he’s so big, bigger than you thought it would be inside of you but it’s just perfect. He stretches you just right, almost like he belonged to you, and you belonged to him like a key belongs to one single door.
He starts pushing in, slowly, but your body decided otherwise and started pushing in even more.
“Hey honey, relax,” he takes back the inches you took from him “I wanna go slow, don’t wanna hurt my girl” The stretch did hurt a little bit but it’s like your pussy needs more.
His hips are going back and forth slowly but it still makes you moan, his thick shaft stimulating your inside just right.
“Just like that, baby.” He wet his lips. Your hand goes down and rubs your clit, following his pace.
“That’s it girl, keep touching yourself like that,” he rasps. His head falls back as he feels you tighten around him. “I love seeing you touch yourself like that baby”.
His hips start to trust faster and deeper, rubbing on your g-spot making you shiver after a few times with your hand stimulating you.
Your nails keep digging into his back, and it hurts him. You know because he keeps frowning. “Fuck baby your nails are sharp as fuck” Getting long black Stiletto nails was a bad idea.
He crashes his lips onto yours as he suddenly lifts you up in his arms, his cock still in you.
“Imma make you pay for those marks” He says as he look in the mirror behind him giving a full view on the mark you imprinted on him.
He throws you onto the bed, making your walls suddenly clench around nothing. You see him grab his tie he left on the bed earlier and brings it around your wrists.
“Oh -- so your form of punishment is to tie me up, huh?” you smile.
“Uh huh” he nods.
He makes a tight knot; you know for sure it’s going to leave marks on your wrists…that’s his way of making you pay for his.
He throws your arms over your head, one of his hands holding you down. Your unable to move, unable to feel his body with your hands, this is the worst punishment you could think of for your first time knowing you probably won’t see each other for a while once you go back home, unless you hide, all this until maybe this goes further and one day you reveal to your dad that you’re fucking his best friend for a while. Damn it, you shouldn’t be thinking about this, right now you should focus on Miller and enjoy the night while it last.
He keeps fucking you deep and rough, your hand still tied up firmly. He pounds into you, changing his pace from time to time until you’re on the edge of cumming, finally.
“Joel please, I’m so close” your brows furrow, your head is spinning with excitement, and it get worse the closer to your climax you get.
“Cum for me baby, I’ll cum after you do” Looks like he put women first, he’s a gentleman.
After more moans, and more trusting, you finally come, your juices spreading all over him.
“Atta’ girl, good job” he praises you, and fuck he’s doing it well. He finally comes too, emptying out on your belly.
“Fuck Joel, I love you”
You didn’t mean to say that – but maybe you do, kind of. Good thing he doesn’t seem to have noticed as he kisses your forehead, gets up and walk to the opened shower. He comes back holding a small towel that he submerged in warm water. “There, baby” he says while cleaning your tummy.
After a whole night fucking with Joel multiple times and discovering more things about your body, and new positions, you finally go back home. Your essay is done and hopefully going through all this will get you an A+.
You’re on your couch with your dad, talking about how your day went while watching TV, obviously skipping the whole fucking your best friend part, when the broadcast is showing pictures of the woman Joel had to cover yesterday.
“Oh, look that’s her !” You say, excited. “That’s the woman we were with yesterday, didn’t talk to her, she seemed nice even though she’s a celebrity and they’re often viewed as self-centered and unaware but she-“
Your dad pauses the TV and looks at you with wide eyes, cutting you off. You look at the image on the wide flat screen and see you and Joel kissing in 4K HD right in front of your dad, furious. Your heart skips a beat, or multiple.
“You got some explaining to do, young girl.”
<3 Hr43s
854 notes · View notes
stclaretarot · 6 days
Text
PICK A CARD ⭒ a message meant to find you you right now?
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reminder that this is a general reading and messages found here may not apply to everyone. take what resonates, leave what doesn't, and don't force anything if it does not fit.
BOOK A READING WITH ME · LINKTREE · 18+ PATREON · TIPS ♡ tips, bookings, and feedback are highly appreciated!
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GROUP ONE
cards pulled · knight of cups, five of pentacles, the lovers, ten of pentacles, king of cups. 
channelled songs · blue by beyoncé & blue ivy. like it like that by pip millett. bigger by beyoncé. between the bars by eliott smith.
my dear group one  ♡ brace yourself, dear, because love is closer to you than you think! it is closer to you than you could ever imagine! 
not only is it closer to you in the span of time, but physically closer to you, as your next love may be someone who is around you. this is someone who you may not necessarily be friends with or even talk to, but who you share a schedule with. for example, someone you commute with or see at the coffee shop or see at the gym. 
whatever the specifics, this seems to be someone who you have not really paid much attention to or thought of as a romantic prospect. 
however, very soon, things are going to change. and they are going to change for the better!
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GROUP TWO
cards pulled · eight of swords, page of pentacles, the hierophant, the emperor, seven of pentacles.
channelled songs · filter theory by coa white. alive by shinee. get back by pop smoke. walk by nct 127. 
my dear group two  ♡ what you must know, my dear, is that your anxiety is stopping you from seeing your way out of your current situation. you are a bird in a cage, the cagedoor is wide open, and you want to be free but you are afraid of what freedom would be like. 
you are stuck. you are stagnant. you are afraid to take a step forward and unwilling to accept your life for what it is. 
it’s kind of weird becauseyou want things to happen in your life, to change,  but… at the same time… you have no idea what you want out of life. you have no idea what exactly in your life you want to change. 
it’s time to sit down and do some introspection.
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GROUP THREE
cards pulled · page of cups, the lovers, four of swords, page of swords, king of pentacles.
channelled songs · wait for it from hamilton. blue by taemin. honey - remix by mariah carey & mase. youngblood by 5 seconds of summer.
my dear group three ♡ what you must know is that soon you will find out why things have turned out the way that they have. why things have fallen apart. why things have not worked out before, or worked out in the way you had hoped. especially where love and work is concerned. 
a better lover or business partner is coming towards you. this is a lover who can actually meet your needs in all the ways you have desired. or this is a business partner/job opportunity who will actually be paying you what you deserve.
for some, it is a combination of both, as these areas of your life will be blooming. wait for it! just a little longer!
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GROUP FOUR
cards pulled · ten of cups, king of pentacles, knight of pentacles, ace of pentacles, four of wands.
channelled songs · desperado by rihanna. cry baby by megan thee stallion. punch and judy by elliott smith. good luck, babe! by chappell roan.
my dear group four  ♡ what you must know right now is that all that glitters is not gold. things are not as good as they seem, and people you are exhausting yourself for would never in their life do the same for you. 
you have idealised or romanticised a certain relationship, especially a familial relationship, and just accepted that it is normal for you to put everything you have into it. 
but what about yourself? you can only give so much to othes, before it becomes detrimental to yourself and your health. it is time to start doing more for yourself. to take care of yourself. to celebrate yourself. and, more than that, to spoil yourself. 
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I've been reading a lot of Korean isekai webcomics lately and given me an idea of being Malleus or Leona fiance who he didn't even love at all ( liked he thinks they are being too clingy or something like that but in reality they care about them and try help them out with daily tasks and try to bring something interesting to lighten the mood or the very least lift up their mood to at least feel better )
and reader taken over the body of said fiance and just like " I don't wanna get killed, or die, I have magic to help me out so I'll just run away from here " and just left him to venture out in the world maybe settle in somewhere outside of the kingdom to somewhere else in a small village to settle, and when they realize that how much their former finance care for them and realize they are no longer in the castle and looking for them
And what do they feel when they see her ( fae or beastwoman ) with a human male who made her really happy when they found her
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Manwha Mistreated Married Reader | Yandere Twisted Wonderland
It's downright unfair to be the only one trying in this arranged marriage setting. Not to mention the lack of care when it comes to hiding their growing interest in this Yuu character. Why shouldn’t you be allowed happiness with your own human, far away from the unforgiving environment of their castle? What’s worse is that they will come running and it is not to congratulate you:
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Leona Kingscholar
“What the-”
When he finally does get around to actually doing the paperwork of being a prince
He finds that he’s been sent a constant barrage of divorce material 
And then he’s reminded that he’s been married off to…someone he can’t even be bothered to remember
But he looks at the official Royal portraits of you 
And goes to search 
He wanted to see what he was working with
“Uh your majesty, they’ve been gone for over a year now.”
A year?! Already
So he reaches into the back of his mind to the memories of you 
Reporting how much of his work you did for him or how you gifted him some new pillows as a gift 
It makes him feel itchy 
So he begins an arduous search for you
Something that takes longer than he expects 
Eventually finding you working on a farm 
Clearly making goo-goo eyes at the pathetic buff farm hand
So he decides to pop your bubble, revealing that technically still married
“Oh, I know that. But they’re waitin’ on you to finalize the divorce, y’know?”
Drats
There’s nothing more he hates than watching you look longingly at each other despite being so close
But he can’t bring himself to sign his name
Preferring to instead fight for his ownership of your heart
And if he has to get dirty he doesn’t mind
It just means he’s one step closer to making you return
He wants you to come running back to him
To hang off his every word as he does now
To kiss his knuckles and tell him how good of a husband he’s been
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Malleus Draconia
“I’ve misjudged you…I’d appreciate if you returned home now.”
It's a wake-up call to have you laugh in his face when he says this
Usually, any protests would be met with his immense strength and magical prowess
But too bad his grandmother set him up with someone of near equal standing even worse better you seem to have been training
It was a past time for you as you moved into a non-descript village
All to retreat from a spouse obsessed with the first human to express any interest in him
Now forget all the times you attempted to converse with him or let him ramble about gargoyles
Only to be ignored or spat at for imitating his ‘child of man’
Well if he liked them so much he shouldn’t have minded when you wordlessly took a hiatus from the kingdom
No one seems to miss you, your presence is filled by the buzz of a human being around
But when that human leaves for home or turns in to achieve that sleep they so desperately need
He misses you
Finds even he unexpectedly snaps when his best friend reaches to sit in your chair
What strange magic…for him to wish you were present
He finds you easily 
And is surprised when you wretch in disgust when he arrives
And if you’ve taken a guardian role to some poor orphan child they copy the behavior
Constantly reminding him of your supposed dislike 
He’s not fond of this version of you at all
So he lingers like a dog kicked outside
Watching from a close distance as you live your new life
Sparking something in him as he finds you absolutely alluring at every angle
Suddenly that human’s pleas for his return become the static of something irritating
He needed you to come back and if a distraction was what was stopping you then so be it
But you’re so empathetic they might prove themselves useful as the king’s bargaining chip
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samkerrworshipper · 11 months
Note
After seeing the pics of alexia at the Barça basketball game could you do one where she is finally playing the wag role for reader? Just overall enjoying being readers number one fan
on the sidelines
alexia putellas x reader
just a lil fluffy blurb that i wrote in half an hour… defo no proof read or spell checked so sorry in advance xo
desperately working on getting some more reqs out for y’all but i’m so overhauled with coursework that it’s taking me way longer so sorry if your request gets ignored as of rn mid terms are killing me ☠️
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“A triple double, Y/n, one incredible feat, how do you feel knowing that your team is through to the play offs?”
You were buzzing, still coming down from the endorphin high as you tried to focus on the reporter who had been the first to attack you as soon as you’d finished shaking hands with your opponents, not even giving you the opportunity to leave the court.
“Every game is a team game, I’m obviously wrapped, but half of that wouldn’t have happened without my teammates. I’m obviously elated that we’re through to finals, the job starts now for us, everything we’ve worked for this season falls down to the next few weeks so we work hard, it’s not over until the final siren.”
The reporter smiled at you and you gave your signature smile back to the camera, trying to get this over and done with as soon as possible.
“The modesty is appreciated, but how did you feel about coming second in the league MVP poll earlier in the week?”
You bit down on your lap, it was a rude question, but you had been prepared for it.
“Obviously I would have loved to come home with the trophy, but it wasn’t meant to be. I have so much respect for Stewie and she deserved the award just as much as anybody else who we were contending against. Honestly, I couldn’t give two shits about individual awards, what matters to me is this playoffs series and maybe I can bring that trophy home instead.”
You smiled once again at the reporter and camera, slowly becoming more uncomfortable with the conversation the longer it went on.
“Now, we all have some questions about the trip down under you took a few weeks ago, any particular reason you decided to go home?”
You began to haphazardly fiddle with the microphone in your hands, willing for this interview to conclude so you could just enjoy your win.
“I missed home, the few days that I spent their were really nice and the team can tell you that since then I have been in much better spirits, sometimes you just need a reset and it was just really good timing that we had the two week break.”
The reporter smirked at you and you could feel the underlying question under her smirk.
“So nothing to do with your visit aligning with the World Cup final and one particular Spanish player who’s here tonight, sporting your number?”
You felt your face flush a little bit at the unforgiving blatancy of the reporter, very quickly trying to remember everything they’d taught you about avoiding questions in media training.
“A good friend of mine, Sam, extended the invitation and gave me some tickets to the finals games so how could I refuse? I mean the sheer pride for the Tillies that I held watching them progress was insane, nothing better than seeing women's sport be elevated at home.”
You could tell the reporter was nagging for you to answer the part of her question that you were ignoring.
“So just a coincidence then that you happened to spend a few days in Barcelona on a layover before returning back to New York?”
You bit the inside of the cheek, this wasn’t what you’d been expecting after winning one of the biggest games in your career.
“Are you implying something, Jackie?”
Your eyebrows rose in mock sarcasm, trying to laugh off the situation and make the reporter understand the message that this wasn’t something you wanted to talk about.
“Simply wondering whether you had anything to do with the presence of Alexia Putellas, or as we all know her, La Reina at tonight's game, and if she happened to be the person you were looking up at tonight everytime you scored?”
You shivered at the mention of her name.
“Alexia and I are good friends, and I will leave it at that.”
You smiled at the camera, enough of a smile that it was genuine but not enough to lead anybody on, because that wasn’t what you wanted to do, you wanted to leave them hanging.
“Good friends that wear each other's jerseys to each other's matches?”
You smirked at the camera, the annoyance of this situation slowly getting to you more and more.
“Good friends that just don’t pack enough of their own clothes when they visit.”
Your voice was dismissive, enough to tell the reporter that you weren’t interested in broaching the topic any further if she wanted to continue to have a conversation with you.
“So, quite the comeback you’ve made in the past 48 months, double back surgery is certainly an impressive feat, how has it felt returning to the court this season and competing at the same level that you were before your injury, especially after how the injury resulted in you sitting out the bronze medal olympic match?”
You could feel the sweat across your body starting to go cold, a true sign that you’d been talking for far to long.
“I’m obviously feeling great, better than ever really. Sitting out at the Olympics was devastating, obviously but I promised that I’d be back and here I am, I’m still working on my recovery, but hopefully by the time the olympics roll around next year I’ll be back fully and bringing home some hardware.”
The reporter laughed heartily at your weak joke, an action that made you a little woozy.
“I’m sorry but that’s all the questions I’ll be answering, my coach is getting rather antsy on the sidelines and it would do me some good not to annoy her right now, so I’ll have to wish you all a goodbye, and see you later for the playoffs.”
You sent a kiss towards the camera before handing the microphone and headset back to the filming crew before following your coach over to the sideline and then into the tunnel towards your change rooms. Sandy patted you on the back as you made your way back to the rooms, just consciously quickening your steps a little bit so you could make the distance as quickly as possible.
You’d never liked limelight, or any of the media attention. You’d started out playing country basketball with your siblings, out on the court all throughout the middle of summer. Eventually, after joining a club and playing some juniors you got picked up by the Perth team and then had worked your way upwards, but never had you played for the attention or glory, growing up, womens basketball in Australia was severely underappreciated, so you’d never had to really face any media attention. But the WNBA was a whole different ballpark and you were still adjusting after 6 seasons to the amount of ways you were now exposed to the general public.
Your whole body relaxed when you spotted Alexia standing beside the locker room door, hand in her phone, flicking furiously through it. You ran directly towards her, almost bowling her over with your strong strides.
She wrapped her arms around you almost immediately, allowing your to bury your head in her neck as you breathed in the scent of her, and the scent of one of your spare jerseys sitting comfortable across her muscley arms and chest. It was a sight for sore eyes, one that you’d been waiting far to long to see.
“I fucking hate reporters.”
Alexia snorted at you, it wasn’t often that she got to see you after games, both of you having extremely busy schedules that hardly allowed for time to go and watch each other mess around with a ball on a pitch or court for an hour.
“I know bebita, but you did so well.”
She concluded her statement in the very best way possible, plastering a series of kisses all over your face that made you giddy on the inside and had you pushing her off of you. The tunnel was a fairly safe place from reporters, but you could never be too sure who was creeping around and a part of you didn’t need your relationship being revealed right at this moment.
Something about having your number across Alexia’s chest set a fire in your soul and you stepped back from her embrace to take it in, to take in the sight of her standing in front fo you, her perfect shoulders on show, sitting comfortable beside the jersey. A few of her back tattoos peaking out from her shoulders giving you a indescribable view of the ink. Her collection was constantly growing and you swore every time she returned to you there was a new one for her to show you and tell you the story of.
She had paired the jersey with a plain pair of white jeans and her washed out pink hair was sitting comfortably on her shoulders, the strands being pushed out of her face by the Prada sunglasses sitting comfortably on her head, sunglasses you were certain had absolutely zero purpose besides being an accessory. You did have to admit that the pink had been your favourite hair in a long while, in fact you’d been the one who Alexia had convinced to help with the dye when she had one of her midnight crisis’ that had you marching down to the chemist to buy neon pink hair dye to make your girlfriend happy.
“I like it when you’re the wag.”
Alexia rolled her eyes, spinning around to give you a look at your brandished last name, sitting perfectly between the valley of skin that travelled between her shoulder blades, everything about it was so perfect to you, warming your soul from the inside.
“I do have to admit, it was quite fun sitting in the crowd for once and pretending I knew what was happening.”
You chuckled, you’d been trying your very hardest to teach Alexia the rules of your sport from the start of your relationship, and to her credit she had a grasp on the more basic rules, but she was absolutely shocking at much more than that. She watched every single one of your games, and yet she had absolutely zero grasp on how the sport of basketball actually worked.
“Look at that, La Reina admitting that she enjoyed being a wag.”
Alexia rolled her eyes at you, her hand coming to rest on your sweaty arm, providing some pressure to your forearm.
“Don’t you even think about telling any of the Barca girls, I’ll never hear the end of it.”
You smiled down at Alexia’s hand, loving the way that her body slotted in so perfectly with you, she knew your body like the back of her own hand and knew exactly what parts of you she should touch in different situations.
“Don’t you worry your little head, this will be our little secret, at least until the girls find my post game interview.”
Alexia nodded concedingly, it was inevitable that your relationship was eventually going to come out to the public, neither of you were particularly stressed about it, it would happen when it happened. You’d gone three years without anybody catching on, only now heading into the fourth year were people really starting to recognise the relationship.
“Go shower, you stink.”
You let Alexia push you towards the locker room door, her face nose scrunching up in faux disgust at you.
“Yes ma’am, La Reina, ma’am.”
The older woman once again rolled her eyes at you, but couldn’t avoid your own hand reached out to hers, silently tugging her into the locker rooms with you. It wasn’t irregular for teammates partners to end up in the rooms after games, and you knew that Alexia would just end up waiting alone in the hallway for you whilst you went about your post game routine.
You lead her towards your cubby, seating her down on the bench before reaching down behind her and pulling out the few items of clothing and toiletries you needed for the shower. One quick look down at Ale revealed to you just how in awe she was of what was occurring around her. There was nothing special happening, most teammates doing similar things to you and beginning their post game rituals.
“Mi amor, I’m going to the shower now, just stay here, bien, and don’t hesitate to ask anybody for something if you need it, si?”
Alexia nodded at you aimlessly, her eyes darting around the room as she took in her surroundings, You took the opportunity to dip out of the room and into the showers, hastening your normal routine so you could return to her as quickly as possible.
You showered in record time, washing your hair and body so quickly you were certain you almost got whiplash from the jolting of your arms and muscles in every direction and you frantically moved around in the shower.
When you returned to Alexia she was in the same spot as you’d left her, her eyes still searching the room and taking in everything happened around her. It was cute to see her so out of place, it was something you’d never seen on her before and something about seeing her like a deer in the headlights made you fall so much further in love with her.
“Cãrino? Let’s go, yeah?”
Alexia’s eyes flashed up to meet your own, her lips falling to a genuine smile as she stood up from your cubby, and before you could pick up your bag she took the honours, collecting the things that you knew you’d need back at the apartment and piling them into your bag before sliding it over her shoulder and starting to walk out, her arm falling comfortably over you shoulder as the two of you met each others pace, walking out towards your car that Alexia had driven you to the game in.
She took care in placing your bag in the boot before sliding into the driver's seat, your keys clanking in the ignition as she started the car.
Almost as soon as she was pulling out of the stadium Alexia’s hand fell to your thigh, a comfortable reminder of the footballers presence.
“You played so well today bebita, I was so proud of you.”
You smiled waterily at Alexia, it was one thing for a reporter to tell you, but for the woman you loved most in the world to tell you that meant something else.
“Thank you, but don’t act like you knew what was going on.”
Alexia cocked her head to the side, frowning at you a little bit.
“Si, maybe, but you got the, what did they call it again? El triple doble, no? Marta said it’s kind of like a hat trick but in basketball lingo, you sunk muchos tres.”
You smiled at Alexia, nodding your head at the Spaniards lack of knowledge over the game you cared for so much, and her attempt at trying to talk basketball to you.
“Yes, I did score a few threes, all of them were for a special person who came out to watch me today.”
Alexia smiled at you, turning her head at the lights to look at you.
“Mm, who might that be?”
You bit your lip, breaking out in a big smile.
“She’s Spanish, and not very good at understanding basketball but she tries and that’s all that matters, she also looks really cute in teal.”
Alexia’s smile only grew at your admission.
“Oh, and she’s a pretty good wag if I do say so myself.”
Alexia silenced your words with a sweet kiss, pressing her lips to yours softly, the two of you having to break apart when the light turned green.
“I’d watch you any day.”
Alexia’s words were murmured quietly, an almost silent acknowledgment of her feelings that was meant just for you.
“I’d watch you any day as well mi amor.”
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shinysobi · 19 days
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pretty u
summary: when joshua, your best friend gets engaged, you can't help but feel as though you're missing out on something important. jihoon, your other best friend, kindly offers to set you up with one of his many friends. chaos ensues, seungkwan is an observer who knows everything, and unfortunately, mingyu is a hapless victim.
pairing: woozi x fem!reader
genre: crack, fluff, angst
word count: 10k~ish
warnings: alcohol consumption, general warnings apply
A/N: uhh..hi? this is the first time i've written rpf, and it makes all the more sense for it to be centred around woozi, my svt bias. this has no plot at all, and i just wrote it for fun and vibes...also unbetaed, so if you see any mistakes, no u did not :)) shout out to my twitter gc for cheering me on as i wrote this hehe u guys are the best
a/n 2: reblogs and comments are much appreciated! please tell me if you're liking this lmao
chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3
Chapter 1
Whoever said that every love story is universal, was not lying, unfortunately. Every good love story is a mix of tropes that unfortunately work well together to form a coherent plot. And the longer you read books, the easier it becomes for you to identify (or avoid) these tropes.
The enemies turn into lovers.
The friends turn into lovers.
The inn only has one available bed.
Your brother’s best friend is somehow smoking hot and doesn’t see you as an annoying little sibling anymore.
Your one-night stand is your new boss, and he is inexplicably obsessed with you.
Your parents have forced you into an arranged marriage, and your partner is a. incredibly hot and b. also obsessed with you. You get the gist, so on, and so forth.
All love stories go for a trope that becomes the central conceit of the story, no matter how unique they try to be. The small-town girl/boy falls for the hotshot city lawyer/businessman/vague marketing executive and shows them the importance of family, and of course, of love, because without it, business is notoriously low. People need romance to feel something other than hatred in their already terrible lives, and books offer escapism. Escapism and on some other level, a sense of belonging. You can identify yourself with the girl who falls in love with her brother’s best friend, or the man who has feelings for his sworn enemy, or the person who has, surprise, fallen in love, with their best friend. Or their best friend’s brother. Take your pick.
And unfortunately, as a critic, reading romance implies wading through the countless reiterations of trope-y goodness on offer at every bookstore, and trying to find something that strikes a chord. It is a given, that one has to kiss some proverbial frogs in the meantime, and of course, any professional mishap has to be accompanied with a gossip session with one’s friends, where any complaints you might have about your work, is unloaded onto the brunch table, for my friends to laugh about.
Because at the end of the day, everyone is a character in their own kind of romance novel. A victim of the tropes, if you will. In my case, I am the perpetual single childhood best friend, who puts up with every single antic of the main character. In of course, an enemies-to-lovers romance. Apparently unrequited love sells too, if its written well. If not, then it just becomes one of many repetitive marketing gimmicks that frankly, don’t sit well with anyone, let alone someone like me, who critiques books for a living.
“It’s your attitude that’s a problem.” Jihoon says, taking a sip of his coffee, “you’ve been writing for the newsdesk for years and I have never seen you actually be satisfied with a book. There’s always something that could have been better. Maybe this is why you are so—”
“I am so?” I say, eyes narrowed, “finish that sentence, Jihoon.”
“You want me to?”
“Do you really have to fight every time we meet?”
Both Jihoon and I turn our head to the third person at the table, Joshua. Dressed impeccably in a freshly ironed pair of shirt and trousers, he looks far better than either me or Jihoon, because both of us look as though we have been through botched murder attempts. I am in a hoodie and sweatpants, and Jihoon is somehow worse than me, wearing a pair of shorts and a black t-shirt. His abandoned khaki bomber jacket hangs on the back of his chair, and I cannot believe I’m saying this, but he actually looks worse when wearing the jacket. Joshua looks as though he has been seated at our table by mistake. I’m slightly annoyed by this, but it seems as though Jihoon is more annoyed than me, “what do you mean we fight every time we meet?”
Joshua makes a vague hand gesture, “really? Look at us. You both are dressed as though you’ve been through a typhoon. I feel horribly overdressed.”
“I had a long night.” I reply, “worked overtime at the desk for the Sunday paper.”
“I came here straight from the studio.” Jihoon says, “I didn’t even go home to shower.”
“See, this, this is what I am talking about.” Joshua groans, “both of you dress like homeless people, and then when you come to brunch, you fight all the time. Do you guys never get tired of fighting?”
“Never.” Both Jihoon and I say in unison.
Joshua sighs, before picking up his knife and fork, “I give up. I can never get you two to agree on anything apart from the fact that you guys, apparently, don’t fight.”
“She needs to quit complaining about her job.” Jihoon points his fork at me, “she’s got the cushiest job imaginable, and she manages to complain about it all the time. Every week, she’s here complaining about something at her job.”
“As if you don’t complain about your job all the time too,” I reply, not one to back down from a fight, “you complain about the people at your job all the time as well. And it’s not as though your job is shitty; you literally work at the biggest music corporation in the country—”
“Guys!” Joshua half-yells, and I stop. Everyone is looking at the three of us, and unlike the two of us, he looks embarrassed. “Guys, if you have to fight every time we meet, maybe I suggest we stop this weekly brunch. Jesus—”
“Oh, he swore,” Jihoon whispers, and I giggle, “we finally made him take the Lord’s name in vain.”
“—it’s like you’re kids all over again. This isn’t freshman year of university, for heaven’s sake,” he takes an elegant sip of his coffee, “and for your information, Jesus isn’t the Lord. I’m not letting you guys get the satisfaction of hearing me fucking swear.”
“Does he hear himself?” Jihoon mutters. “I don’t think he does.” I whisper in response.
“Yes, I’m aware I said ‘fuck’, thank you very much.” Joshua sits back in his chair, “I’m proposing to Eunseo tonight.”
“Tonight?” Jihoon yells, bolting upright from his chair, and everyone in the restaurant looks at us, “you’re proposing to her tonight?”
Joshua grabs his hand to drag him back onto his chair, “yes, tonight. Are you stupid? Everyone is looking at us now.” He looks at me, “what do you think about it?”
Oh. Oh.
Remember when I said that my role in a romance novel is that of the eternally-spurned childhood friend? The one who has loved the main character from a distance, never really daring to express their feelings? Well, I’ve not known Joshua since my childhood, we met at high school, and it hasn’t been that long since I discovered that I might have a tiny, the most miniscule of crushes on him. But I’m that trope. The childhood friend who gets spurned, and the main character turns away to the actual love of their life, leaving only a broken heart behind. Too little, too late.
Well, who wouldn’t?
He’s tall, good-looking, gentlemanly, with just the right amount of unhinged, has a good, stable, get-off-at-the-right-time government job, and above all, he’s unflinchingly kind to everyone. Yes, including me and Jihoon, even though we make his life a living hell on most days. Realistically,  it was only a moment of time before either Jihoon or I had any feelings for him. And I was betting on Jihoon too. Fuck.
“Are you okay?” Joshua’s voice is soft, insisting, and all I can see when I break out of my reverie is the swoop of his collarbones as they disappear under the shirt, and suddenly I feel very dirty. Not just dirty, but also simply awful. Why am I out here thinking about his collarbones when he’s thinking about how to propose to his girlfriend? His very nice, very beautiful girlfriend?
“I’m fine,” I nod my head, “have you picked out a ring for her?”
“Not yet, but I have a kind of ring in mind already.” He says, turning to Jihoon and starting to talk about the different cuts of diamonds that are present at Tiffany’s, and how they suit different kinds of people. Eunseo, I learn, is partial to a pear cut. Jihoon, the idiot,  who can’t shut up when it comes to arguments with me, is unnaturally quiet, only offering comments here and there. It’s very uncharacteristic.
And then he gets that look on his face which is a signal for both me and Jihoon that we are about to hear an hour’s worth of praises of Eunseo, and I step in. Making a vague sign towards my completed plate of fish and chips (not that great, the fish was soggy) I say, “before he begins singing praises of his girlfriend, sorry, fiancé, can we get the check?”
“You keep saying it as though you don’t know how much I love her.” Joshua sounds annoyed  but unfortunately, I can see through his mask of fake annoyance, “I already paid.”
“Thank goodness, I forgot my wallet.” Jihoon smiles, “for a moment, I thought I would have to use my online wallet.”
“Aren’t you ashamed?” I elbow him lightly in the ribs, and he doesn’t even flinch. Apparently, music producers these days have to be certified gym rats, or they won’t let them into the building, “you’ve mooched off of Joshua and me for the past twelve years, maybe it’s time to start paying.”
“Maybe I do pay, but I just don’t like you.” Jihoon replies, sarcasm evident in his tone, “so I don’t want to pay for your meal.”
“You little—” I’m about to commit a murder in broad daylight, but Joshua, the sweet angel that he is, stops both of us, waving his card in between like a bullfighting matador.
“You guys just don’t stop, do you?” He grins, evidently thinking about how he’s going to propose to his loving girlfriend this evening. Nauseating. It makes me want to throw up. Because Joshua is not going to wake up one morning and decide that he wants to throw away his living relationship of five years to—to pursue his unfortunate best friend, who has nursed an unfortunate attraction towards him for the past year. That is never going to happen. So, let’s scratch that. That should not happen.
Because apart from being unfairly gorgeous and rich and beautiful and did I mention gorgeous? Eunseo is also unflinchingly nice, the kind of nice that leaves other people wondering if the person in front of them is real or not, or if they have some kind of hidden intentions that border on murderous or at the very least, fraudulent. She’s the one who took me under her wing when I was a freshman and had no friends except the two weird guys in my required sociology class, and thanks to her, at the end of four years of university, I had friends in the journalism club, people I come into contact on occasion such as weddings and the odd reunion.
Her niceness is also the reason why Joshua fell for her at first sight.
“I’m out.” Jihoon picks up the abomination of a bomber jacket from his chair, “and before you ask, no, hyung, I’m not helping you with picking out a ring for your girlfriend. You can do that yourself. Or ask her for help.”
And before Joshua can look at me and before I make a fool out of myself (yet again), I turn away, rejecting his proposal for looking at pear-cut diamond rings on a Sunday morning, “I’m ideologically against the institution of marriage. Do it yourself.”
Joshua sighs, because of course he has anticipated this. The fucker. “cannot believe you’re still on your Dworkin streak. Fine,” he says, getting up from his chair and walking out of the café, “I’ll get Eunseo’s ring myself. And when she asks, I’ll tell her that none of you helped me.”
“Ooh, threatening your girlfriend on us, I’m shaking in my boots,” Jihoon replies, sarcasm evident in his voice, digging through his pockets to get his car keys, “when are you planning to get the ring?”
“Later, in the afternoon,” Joshua is opening the door to his car, and looking at me, “do you want me to give you a ride? Your house is on the way.”
“She only takes buses and the subway,” Jihoon grins, “don’t you remember the time in university when she kept saying about how much she likes welfare policies and transportation benefits?”
“Shut the fuck up,” I reply, elbowing him, harder this time, and Jihoon flinches, “I’ll just go to the office. Jihoon will give me a ride.”
“When did I say that I’ll give you a ride?” Jihoon looks like he wants to begin an argument with me in front of the café, but he acquiesces, “ugh, fine. I’ll give you a ride. Your office is on the way.”
“I’m still not convinced that you simply wanted to ‘spend time with me’.” Jihoon grumbles an hour later, seated at his studio and fiddling with his computer. “You’ve been lying there and scrolling twitter for hours now.”
“Your couch is much better than my office chair,” I hum a non-committal reply, before making myself further comfortable into the soft plush material of his couch, “and I’m not scrolling on twitter, I’m trying to find another flat to move into.”
“Lease up?” Jihoon asks, “wasn’t your agreement still valid for at least another few months?”
“I’m just trying to get ahead of the curve,” I reply, “if I start looking from now, maybe I’ll get a better flat by the time the lease is up. My current flat is—”
“A shithole.” Jihoon finishes my sentence for me, “seriously, I don’t know how you manage to live there. And you’ve been holding onto that flat for the past seven years. everyone moved out of their university flats, but you managed to hold onto yours for so long.”
“That’s because it’s a good deal,” I mutter, “ugh, I can’t manage to find a single good deal on any of the flats.”
“Because you’re never satisfied with any deal,” Jihoon replies, “your ideal deal is if everything was free.”
“And I still maintain that housing should not be monetised.”
“Why thank you for that insight, comrade.” Jihoon puts a finger to his mouth, “shut up for a while, I’m trying to concentrate on this song.
“Who’s it for?” I sit up, intrigued, “a new artist?”
“The company’s new girl group.” Jihoon says, “I was asked to produce the title track for their debut. I only have four months on hand, and I still haven’t finished the track. The higher-ups are going to have my head for this.”
“No, they won’t,” I reply, “they like you too much. Speaking of—”
“—if you want me to give you an interview, I won’t, I’ve already told you five times,” Jihoon cuts me off, wheeling his chair away from me, “jeez, you’re tenacious.”
“Oh, but come on, it’ll be fun,” with an extra emphasis on come on, I think I’ve got Jihoon’s attention, “people keep speculating on the kind of person you are. I mean, people know Woozi, but do they know what kind of person he is, underneath all that secrecy? You’ve never given an interview, and you keep avoiding any kind of public appearance. One might think you hate the spotlight.”
“Even if I were to give an interview, I wouldn’t be giving it to you. Who knows how you’re going to spin my words.”
“I’m hurt, Lee Jihoon. This has hurt me.”
Jihoon turns around and blows me a raspberry. I roll my eyes. Is he twenty-eight, or just eight? “whatever you say won’t affect the way I think. I still won’t give you an interview.”
“Just so you know, I’m known to be an excellent interviewer.” I say, walking over to his chair, “come on, Jihoon-ah, give me an interview. Please?”
“No.”
“Pretty please?”
“No.”
“Pwease?”
He turns around at that, fixing me with a stare, “don’t you ever fucking do aegyo in front of me. I’m going to kill you if you do that again.”
“See, if you gave me an interview like I’m asking you to, then I would not have a reason to subject you to aegyo, but as things stand, you really give me nothing else to work with.”
“Ask Joshua for an interview then, if you’re so desperate for one,” the words coming out of anyone else’s mouth would have given me enough reason to walk out of the room, but Jihoon made them sound softer, almost romantic. It was funny, how he managed to change the intonations of every word, changing them to his whims. I suppose that’s what I do with words, and that’s what he does with sounds.
“Joshua is not the elusive Woozi,” I flop back onto the sofa as I counter, trying actively to not think about Joshua picking out a ring at Tiffany’s for Eunseo right at that moment, “he’s an adjunct professor. Not the most interview-friendly of all occupations.”
Jihoon looks at me, and for a moment, I think he’s going to ask me a very uncomfortable and difficult question, but at that moment, both our phones buzz simultaneously. I check the phone, and it’s a single message in the shared chatroom. Joshua has sent a message, a single picture of a pear-shaped diamond solitaire ring (don’t ask me how I know the cut of the diamond) with an attached message;
joshuji: picked up her ring! <3
“Damn, an exclamation point, and an emoji,” Jihoon says, typing out a reply in the chatroom, “our joshuji is entirely too far gone, isn’t he?”
I don’t say anything. Its far easier to pretend that you’re typing out a reply and can’t hear anything, especially when it comes to Jihoon. He’ll take anything in stride.
hoon: wow Eunseo has you whipped
big dick (canon): hey I think it’s cute
Jihoon sets his phone down with an audible clack, and fuck, I’ve messed up. Joshua is oblivious and blissfully happy in his own little life, but Jihoon? The Jihoon that I’ve known ever since our seats were beside each other in the sociology class that made me develop an irrational fear of surveyors? He’s single-minded whenever it comes to pursuing anything. One doesn’t become the most sought-after music producer in the industry with just talent, they need to be dogged in their pursuit of success. And unfortunately, when Lee Jihoon turns his mind to something, he accomplishes it, whether it’s producing a Billboard Hot 100 hit, or, judging by the way he’s looking at me right now, getting words out of my mouth.
“Okay, spill, I’ve seen this go on for long enough,” he says, getting up from the chair and walking over to the sofa, where I am currently hiding behind a throw pillow, “you’ve been weird for months now, and we need to talk about it.”
“We, don’t need to do anything,” I reply, “I’m perfectly fine. If something happened, I would tell you. Or Joshua. Or both of you, at the same time.”
“Like you inform us after every breakup of yours?” Jihoon laughs, “you mean to say you’re going to hold another one of your ‘meetings’ to tell me and Joshua about how some poor bastard made the mistake of trying to date you?”
“I’m actually nice when I date, and I can hold down a relationship for more than two weeks, Mr I-don’t-like-commitment. Tell me, how did your last date go? Did she walk out of the date itself, or did you ghost her?”
Jihoon blinks at me, and then, a slow, catlike smile passes over his features. Fuck.
“You’re being combative today,” he grins, and fuck, its infuriating how predictable I am, and how absolutely incapable I am of not taking his bait, “so, there is something that you’re hiding.”
“Ugh, I hate this.”
“Then you shouldn’t have taken the damn bait,” he replies, “do you want to tell me yourself, or do you want me to guess your little secret?”
“I’m not telling you anything, and its nothing you can suss out either.”
“I can just beat it out of you,” he smiles, flexing his arms, and I belatedly remember that Jihoon, to my disadvantage, had decided at the early age of twenty-one, that he was going to make up for his height by being The Broadest Man on Earth, and now carried a protein shake in his bag everywhere he went, that somehow tasted more disgusting than it looked. He could easily beat me to a pulp. And he would do it too, the little shit.
“Jihoon, remember the time I carried you home when you were drunk?” I don’t know how to do the specific variant of the thing they call ‘puppy eyes’, but I try my absolute best to emulate the little I know, “and you threw up all over my clothes? Remember? It was at Mingyu’s birthday party, and you got drunk on an empty stomach—”
“Don’t fucking do that,” he throws a pillow at me, “fuck, that’s creepy. Also, I got drunk and threw up on your clothes in my second year of university, damn, how long are you going to milk it for?”
“As long as I can,” I reply, “please, Jihoon, just this once.”
“Damn, fine, weirdo,” he stands up, going back to his chair, his back now towards me, “isn’t as though you like Joshua or something.”
I freeze, hoping that the intake of breath at that last sentence hasn’t been heard by Jihoon. I know I’m an atheist, I pray fervently, to whichever god that’s listening, God, Allah, Buddha, Jesus, if anyone’s listening, please, please, please, let Jihoon not notice—
“You like Joshua?”
Fuck.
“No.” I lie brightly, “I just—stubbed my toe on the table.”
Jihoon looks at me in a way that screams bitch, I know you’re a liar so don’t even try. “You know you’re a horrible liar, right?”
“I am?”
He nods, “its one of the many endearing things about you. But unfortunately, you’ve given yourself away now. Really, Joshua? The Joshua Hong we know?”
“Really, it isn’t like that,” I’m sweating, and praying Jihoon doesn’t notice that I’m sweating, “its nothing, and besides, I don’t even like him in that kind of way—”
“Do you want to fuck him?”
I choke on a breath and begin coughing. “What?” I manage to say, after I recover enough to breathe properly, “I don’t want to fuck anyone!”
“Great, because if you wanted to fuck him, it would have become massively awkward.” Jihoon shrugs, “since it’s one of those passing feelings, you can take care of it; it happens all the time. I once had a crush on you too. It’s bound to happen.”
“You had a crush on me?” I screech, “what the fuck, Lee Jihoon, you’re supposed to wait before dropping this kind of information on me!”
“Dude, its long gone,” Jihoon places a hand on my shoulder, a touch that’s meant to be reassuring, but it only suffices to make me angrier, “it was during my military service. I remember that you came with my parents to see me off, and it was—nice. So, I had a crush on you. I got over it when I got out of the military, though. Turns out seeing your best friend live in a hovel really does wonders for your lingering feelings.”
“For eighteen months?” I hold my head in my hands, “you had a crush on me for eighteen months? What the fuck kind of information is that? And you got out of the military three years ago!”
“M-hmm, see, that’s what I mean when I say these feelings will go away.” Jihoon looks sage, as if he’s imparting the secret to life and how to be a good Buddhist, and not bombarding my mind with information I would rather not know, “wait, have you masturbated to Joshua?”
“What the fuck?” I stand up, pacing the room at a speed that would closely rival that of an Olympian, “why would I masturbate to Joshua Hong?”
Jihoon shrugs, “people masturbate. You are a person. Hence the question.”
“Of course, I haven’t masturbated to—wait did you masturbate while thinking of me?” I’m yelling now, yelling and pacing the room like a woman possessed, because of course, Jihoon has made me lose my mind, “Lee Jihoon, did you jerk off to my pictures?”
He shrugs. “What are you going to do if I say yes?”
“I’m going to kill you, and then I’m going to kill myself,” I say, grabbing his shoulders, “you know what, Jihoon, lets do that. Let’s both die.”
“Why would I consent to a murder-suicide with you?” he sounds terribly composed, which again, does not bode well for the numerous murderous thoughts I have currently running through my head, “its just a little masturbation. I was twenty-three, I was bored to tears at the military camp, and I had a crush on you, so, I did what I did.”
“Which was apparently, masturbation.” I flop facedown on the couch, “I want to castrate you, you know that, right?”
“Figures. You’ve always been weird about sex.” Jihoon makes a face, “So, you didn’t tell me. do you want to fuck Joshua or not? Because if you do, then it just means that you want sex. If you don’t, then I can’t help you.”
“How can you help me in any way if I say I want to have sex with Joshua?” I ask, “even if I do, which I don’t, just by the way—”
“You want to jump his bones. Right.”
“—how can you even help me, short of getting me a male prostitute.” I pause, horror spreading through my features, “oh fuck. Jihoon, are you going to hire a gigolo?”
To his credit, Jihoon looks appropriately disgusted, “why would I hire a prostitute? No, I would set you up with one of my friends.”
“Who?”
He thinks for a while, then says, “Soonyoung.”
“No offence, but I’m about 90% convinced that Soonyoung is a furry.”
“Jeonghan-hyung, then.”
“He’s too similar to Joshua,” I groan, “why am I going along with this idea? This is literally the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Then do you want to help yourself?”
“Masturbate to thoughts of Joshua? Yeah, like that’s gonna work.” I hold my head in my hands, “fuck, I have to sleep with Soonyoung, don’t I? I’m half-convinced he will do a tiger impression in bed.”
“I’m fairly convinced he mimics a roar when he orgasms.” Jihoon mutters.
“Oh, fuck, now I have to talk about orgasms with you,” I say, face buried in one of the pillows, “I have to sleep with one of your weird friends and then everyone will know about my crush on Joshua and I’ll be shunned from our three-person group forever and ever—”
“Calm down, no one is going to spill your secrets,” Jihoon says, “and I have other friends too, you know. They don’t talk as much as those idiots, but they are good people.”
“But I don’t want to fuck anyone right now.”
Jihoon stares at me.
“Okay fine, maybe a little bit.” I concede, “but still, not enough to warrant a setting-up. Maybe I’m just sexually frustrated.”
“Then go fuck someone!”
“It isn’t that easy!” I snap, and Jihoon looks surprised, because its so unlike me to be incandescent over something as stupid as this, but I can’t help the shiver of anger running over me, “it isn’t so fucking easy. If it were, I would have gone and slept with a stranger from a bar. Yes, I know it’s dangerous, but I would have done it. But I’m telling you now, its difficult for me to even know if I’m attracted to Joshua, and if my attraction means I want to jump him or whatever.”
“Then what does it mean?” Jihoon, it seems, is also incapable of not reacting to my moods and temper, he gets angry easily sometimes, “What does it mean when you tell me you’re attracted to someone? We’re twenty-eight, for fuck’s sake. What the fuck else do you mean?”
“I don’t know!” I half-yell, half-sob, “I don’t know what I want, and I don’t know if I want to sleep with anyone, least of all Joshua. I’m confused, and I don’t know what to do, and all I want is a little acceptance, not you rattling of a list of people I should sleep with in order to get over my feelings for Joshua—”
“Hey, I’m sorry.”
“—and you can’t even give me that, Jihoon,” I finish lamely, looking at his concerned expression, “yeah fine, I’m leaving.”
The door is loud when I close it behind me. to his credit, Jihoon doesn’t pursue me, because even if he’s abnormally idiotic in matters like these, he’s got some sense.
I deeply regret befriending either of them, because both Joshua and Jihoon have apparently no sense of boundaries between people. Joshua keeps assaulting my inbox with messages along the lines of oh look how much I love my girlfriend and how much I can’t wait to see you guys and celebrate my engagement because I’ve got my life sorted out unlike YOU fuckers, and Jihoon has rewarded me with radio silence ever since I blew up in his face about his idiotic idea regarding me having sex with one of his friends.
And, as a testament to my misfortunes in life, Joshua has decided that his proposal to Eunseo must be followed up with a party thrown in her honour, or at least a dinner as per his last text message; which of course, he has to send to the shared chatroom with a  variety of threatening and non-threatening messages.
joshuji: just saying if you guys aren’t here for the dinner, I’m never talking to you
hoon: aren’t proposals supposed to be an intimate thing? For couples??? Why are you asking us to be there????
joshuji: Eunseo wanted you guys to celebrate, too
joshuji: also, I’m proposing to her in the afternoon. I’m asking you guys to come over for dinner
hoon: maybe we should ask Eunseo about her feelings?
hoon: idk if she would want two others celebrating her engagement. Maybe we should stage an intervention and try to convince her to leave you. Its not too late already
big dick (canon): idk if I can make it guys
joshuji: I told u I wouldn’t be forgiving you if you don’t attend
hoon: you also tell us that every other week, I think we’ll be fine
joshuji: please?
hoon: don’t you fucking dare
big dick (canon): send us the location. Also, you’re paying
hoon: that’s the least he can do, after inflicting all this on us, and on her
joshuji: don’t worry, dinner is on me. [location attached] be there.
Fuck. Fuck my life, and fuck the two other people also in my life, and also, fuck Eunseo for good measure, because if it hadn’t been for her coming over to the mixer in third year, Joshua would never have fallen head over heels with her at first sight, and he wouldn’t have asked her out, and then I wouldn’t have had to deal with my conflicting feelings in the middle of a random Sunday. In the middle of me contemplating whether to clean my flat or not, too. If you look at it, its all her fault. Her fault for being so flawless and lovely and gorgeous that even I cannot bring myself to be jealous. The woman volunteers her free time at an animal shelter, for god’s sake. She’s the kind of person you write rambling horrible love sonnets about, and inflict them on your best friends after getting drunk and vomiting on a sidewalk at three in the morning. I should know, because that was Joshua when he was twenty-five.
Everything seems to go to shit at the same time, so of course, my landlord has to make an appearance when I’m in the middle of a neurotic episode over whether or not to do my laundry and contemplating hurling myself out of the window. His knocks are rhythmic, three seconds apart, which gives me enough time to prepare with a butcher’s knife in my hand. To ensure my safety, of course, in all my good conscience, I could never murder someone.
“Ah, yes, if it isn’t my favourite tenant,” he smiles, wide enough for me to see the gold tooth he had put in four years ago, “don’t worry, I’m only here for a routine check.”
“I bet you say that to all your tenants, Mr Kim.” I mutter, not moving from the doorway. If this man can sell me a glorified hovel posturing as a flat, I can disrespect him as much as I want. “I’ll get back to you on the renewal on my lease as soon as possible.”
The nosy bastard (man) that he is, Mr Kim cranes his neck around me to take a look inside my flat, “don’t worry, you’ve been one of my longest-running tenants for a while, you can take your time.” Then he looks at me, and the gold tooth is again on display. Ugh, I fucking hate it, “Is there a man inside? Boyfriend?”
“I don’t know why I’m saying this to you, Mr Kim, but I don’t have a boyfriend.” I reply, suppressing my urge to bury the knife held in my hand in his chest, “I was cooking, if you want to know that badly.”
“No boyfriend?” he tuts at me as though my dating life (or its lack thereof) is a personal slight against him, “but there are men coming over to your house all the time?”
“Those are my friends, Mr Kim,” I grit out, fake smile getting more brittle by the second, “men and women can be friends, you know.”
“Ah yes, I know, I know,” he nods, before clapping his hands like he’s received some sort of epiphany, “I forgot to tell you, but if you do decide to renew,” here he takes a deep breath, as if he’s bestowing upon me some great honour, “the rent will be raised. By twenty.”
“Twenty percent?” I screech, and the student in the flat next to me has probably heard it, “is that even legal?”
From the smile on his face, I don’t have to hear anything else. It probably is.
Mr Kim goes away from my line of sight (my kitchen knife’s line of attack) with another, equally insufferable, smile, and I close the door with a loud enough bang that the hinges rattle. I lied to Jihoon, because I only have two months left on my contract, and I still have had no luck in finding a new flat to move into. Everywhere I go, its either overpriced, or the facilities are too shitty, or the vibes are off.
Back in the room, I try to busy myself with laundry, when my phone rings. Its Jihoon, who’s apparently decided that making me angry is a full-time job for him. He’s making use of the private chat, which is rare for him, and somehow, equally annoying for me.
hoon: sorry about what happened in the studio this morning
hoon: offer still stands though
big dick (canon): that’s not how you apologise to someone
hoon: what? I’m trying to help my bestie get some
hoon: is that such a scandalous thing to ask for
big dick (canon): yes. Yes, it is
big dick (canon): also, fyi, I’m not sleeping with any of your friends. They’re all too weird for me
hoon: Mingyu? I remember you saying once that you’d motorboat him
big dick (canon): platonically
hoon: not sure how you’d motorboat someone platonically
big dick (canon): he’s too outgoing for me. cannot imagine I’d ever have a moment to myself if I ever dated him
hoon: Wonwoo? Everyone liked him back in university
big dick (canon): unfortunately, all he seems to talk about is gaming. I don’t mind gaming once or twice, but talking about it all the time? That bores me
hoon: Chan? He’s younger than you, but you could be a cougar, for all I know
big dick (canon): I’ve seen Jeonghan beg on his knees for him to go home after a drinking session
hoon: Minghao?
big dick (canon): He once teased me for my curtain bangs for a week straight
hoon: fine then, Cheol?
big dick (canon): Too competitive
hoon: Seungkwan?
big dick (canon): Too athletic. Also, isn’t he joining the culture desk soon?
hoon: Seokmin?
big dick (canon): Too outgoing
hoon: Vernon?
big dick (canon): Too quiet
hoon: Jun?
big dick (canon): Too weird
hoon: Jesus, fuck, woman, what kind of person do you want to date?
big dick (canon): ykw, just set me up with Mingyu. If nothing I can still get to say I motorboated some great pecs
big dick (canon): seriously, his pecs are bigger than my boobs
big dick (canon): how does he do it
big dick (canon): can I hold them
big dick (canon): respectfully
big dick (canon): in a non-sexual way
big dick (canon): please
hoon: I’m sure he’s going to appreciate that
big dick (canon): please ask him
big dick (canon): how does one get that kind of pectoral muscles
big dick (canon): wow
hoon: my pecs are bigger than his
big dick (canon): is this some new sort of dick-measuring contest idk yet
big dick (canon): if it is
big dick (canon): you’re losing
big dick (canon): I need to take a bite from his tits
big dick (canon): One
big dick (canon): Teensy tiny
big dick (canon): Munch
hoon: I’m so close to blocking u
big dick (canon): They hated Jesus because he spoke the truth
hoon: maybe you need to consider that Jesus had very bad vibes
hoon: so, you want to go on a date with Mingyu?
hoon: I feel like I should tell you that he eats the equivalent of three people
hoon: at the same time
big dick (canon): As long as he lets me motorboat him
 big dick (canon): I don’t care
big dick (canon): He can eat as much as he wants
hoon: why must you be so horny over Mingyu of all people
hoon: he’s not even that attractive
hoon: and I’ve got bigger pecs than him
big dick (canon): congratulations on having bigger pecs, but I’m still gonna motorboat Mingyu
big dick (canon): going to gently hold his tits
hoon: between you going feral and Joshua badgering me about his engagement party dinner
hoon: I can’t help but feel as though both of u are out to make me go insane
big dick (canon): are you gonna go to that?
hoon: he’s already made plans at the barbecue place where we go to
hoon: even got a whole discount coupon and everything
hoon: normally I’d be upset that he’s being cheap, but after researching the price of that ring, I’m prepared to forgive him this once
hoon: next time I’m forcing him to take us out to a good dinner place
big dick (canon): are you planning to spend all his salary
big dick (canon): I’m in
big dick (canon): Ugh I haven’t eaten anything since the morning
big dick (canon): Can you ask Mingyu to bring me food
hoon: you’re incorrigible
hoon: have you been able to maintain eye contact with him?
big dick (canon): UNFAIR
big dick (canon): You know I can only do that with you
big dick (canon): Since you’re exactly my height
big dick (canon): Hehe
hoon: I’m blocking u and this number right NEOW
hoon: cannot believe I’m conversing WILLINGLY with someone who slanders my height
big dick (canon): see u at the barbecue place tonight
big dick (canon): have fun on the song
hoon: I’m trying to finish it
hoon: cannot believe I’ve gone into a slump
big dick (canon): you know how this can be cured?
big dick (canon): An INTERVIEW
big dick (canon): With yours truly
big dick (canon): Please
hoon: ask someone else
hoon: Soonyoung
big dick (canon): he’s an idol, yes but  
big dick (canon): I’m terrified he’s going to do at least three tiger impressions
hoon: wrong, he’s going to do at least five
hoon: ugh gotta go
hoon: see u at the dinner
I stare at the dark phone screen for about five minutes after I’ve finished texting Jihoon. His interest in setting me up with one of his friends aside, he’s not wrong. I’m sexually frustrated, which means I’m just projecting my desires onto the closest available person, which in this case, happens to be Joshua.
Okay, fair enough, then why not anyone else? The people at my workplace aren’t that bad, and some of them are fairly good-looking, so why not them?
As soon as that thought comes into my mind, I shake it away violently. To willingly date someone in the workplace is inviting a whole host of problems, HR notwithstanding. And to imagine the fallout when I eventually break up with them, while still having to work with them in the same office—no, I’d rather take a transfer. The only option that remains are Jihoon’s friends, and while they’re all nice, they can also be terrifying, and therefore, not the best options for dating. Or sleeping around, which is what Jihoon wants me to do.
“Ugh, why do I have to have these feelings,” I moan into my pillow. It would have been great if I were born as an amoeba. Or as a plant. No need for my feelings to take centre stage, no need to maintain friendships with annoying people like Jihoon or Joshua. Just peaceful photosynthesis, and being eaten by a random goat on a random Tuesday. I wouldn’t even need to go to university. Nothing required. Just basking in the sun.
And unfortunately, because my mind is a little traitor, it focuses on the one thing that I don’t want to focus on: Jihoon’s offhand comment about his pecs being bigger than Mingyu’s; which, if I know Jihoon as well as I do, is a blatant lie, but even the thought of it is enough to send me into a downward spiral. What the hell does he mean, he has bigger pecs than Mingyu? Its not as if I want to see them, and let this be known, and made into public record, that I’ve never once wanted to see Jihoon’s pecs.
But.
Of course, its not as if I haven’t thought about it. not as far as Jihoon, who apparently masturbated to the thought of me, but of course I have idly wondered, what it would be like. When he came back from the military, its all I could think about for a couple days, before I had to physically slap myself back into reality. Unfortunately for me, his one petty comment about the size of his pectoral muscles, threatens to throw me back into the pits of desperation yet again.
Ugh. I slam my face into the pile of fresh laundry, hoping for it to soothe my nerves. Spoiler alert, it doesn’t.
Its at that moment that the chatroom pings again, this time with a  message from Joshua.
joshuji: SHE SAID YES!!!!
hoon: congratulations!
big dick (canon): Congratulations!!!
The barbecue place is good enough for us, but for a dinner celebrating Joshua’s engagement to Eunseo, it seems a little too shabby. Although given the amount of money he’s spent on an engagement ring (I saw the prices, and I had to stifle a gasp) it can be forgiven. Just this once, as Jihoon said.
I’ve come here late, on purpose. Between the excited texts from Eunseo, who texted me a picture of her ring, and I had to act appropriately surprised, and Joshua’s infamous enthusiasm for a. showing the world how much he loves his girlfriend and b. to torment his friends, I’m feeling drained. I’m dressed for a night of eating greasy food and drinking cheap alcohol: a hoodie borrowed (stolen) from either Jihoon or Joshua, and jeans. I can’t even lie to myself and give myself a reason to dress up, because even I can’t delude myself into doing that. Jihoon once saw me with day-old vomit on my shirt, and Joshua has seen me dress in my sleepwear for exams week.
The place is filled with smoke, emanating from the meat being cooked on the grills, and it takes me a moment to adjust myself to it all, before I look for the other three. They have all arrived, and according to Jihoon, who’s sent a message out of his own accord on the chatroom in a long time, they’re all eating lots of beef.
“You’re late,” Jihoon grumbles as I approach the table, “I had to sit through half an hour of these two being happy and in love.”
“You’re a liar,” I say, sliding into the seat next to him, “you enjoy romance movies.”
“Wow, that’s something I didn’t know about him,” Joshua says, with a twinkle in his eyes that I don’t want to decode, “how come you know everything about Jihoon?”
“Occupational hazard,” I reply, reaching for a piece of meat, “every time you bailed on us to go on a date with Eunseo, Jihoon and I would be forced to hang out together.”
“It was horrible,” Jihoon agrees, “she’d force me to watch all these romance movies.”
“Says the man who cried while watching Love Actually.”
Eunseo giggles at that, almost doubling over herself. I narrow my eyes at Joshua, “have you both been drinking since the afternoon?”
“No, no, I haven’t,” Eunseo wheezes, and it’s unfair how gorgeous she is while laughing, too. She’s wearing an apron to prevent grease falling on her expensive clothes, and she’s still gorgeous. I snort when I laugh, and once Jihoon saw me with mango juice coming out of my nose, “it’s just funny.”
“What is?”
She points at the two of us, “you know, the both of you keep talking about how annoying you find each other, and yet you’re both closer to each other than anyone else. It’s just so funny to me.”
“Joshua,” Jihoon says, very seriously, “I think your fiancée has been taking drugs.”
“At the very least, she’s insane,” I supply helpfully, “no one in their right minds would date Joshua. Not to mention agreeing to marry him.”
Joshua puts an arm around Eunseo, “stop slandering my fiancée.”
Jihoon puts a piece of meat into his mouth, trying to change the topic, “have I mentioned I’m helping her hook up with someone?”
I cough violently, while Eunseo and Joshua wear twin expressions of confusion. “Wait, Jihoon,” Joshua says, “I thought you—”
“I told you not to talk about that!” I wail, a noise that’s fortunately covered by all the meat-grilling around me, “no, I’m not going to hook up with any of your friends. Jihoon has terrible taste in people, not to mention that all your friends aren’t exactly hook-up material.”
“You take that back,” he gasps, “weren’t you talking about how you’d like to motorboat Mingyu?”
“That was platonically!”
“I’m sorry,” Joshua interjects, looking at me as though I’ve sprouted another head, “how can you, and I’m just going off on a limb here, motorboat someone platonically?”
“That’s what I said,” Jihoon grumbles, “she keeps asking me to set them up once.”
“That’s because he’s the hottest out of all your friends.” The soju is bitter as I drink it, “if I have to engage in a night of mindless sex, might as well do it with the hottest guy around.”
“Knew it,” Jihoon wags one of his fingers at me, “knew you only wanted Mingyu for his body. How dare you do that to my friend.”
“You once stole his socks.”
“Once.”
“For a whole semester.”
“Fair enough.”
“Both of you,” Joshua says loud enough for us to stop bickering, “explain it to us properly. What do you mean you’re helping her hook up with one of our friends? And why are you letting him hook you up with one of our friends?”
I shrug, “It’s not a big deal. Besides, you heard us. It’s only going to be one time.”
“Do I need to give you the talk?”
Jihoon  laughs, “you do realise she’s an adult?”
“I’m not saying she can’t do anything; I’m just saying she needs to be careful!
“If I have to be careful around the rest of the guys, then maybe you shouldn’t be friends with them.”
“What do you mean she should be careful around the people who have known her for so long?”
“All of you!” Eunseo claps her hands, and like kindergarten children, we all turn to look at her, sheepish, “Josh,” she turns to the man in question, who looks sufficiently contrite, “let me have a word.”
As they leave, Jihoon pulls a face. “asshole.”
I take another shot of the soju, “he’s just looking out for me.”
“Then he shouldn’t be so overbearing about it.” Jihoon takes a look at me downing another shot, “should you be drinking this fast?”
“Don’t you start.” I say, shaking my head, “I’m going to drink enough to wipe out Joshua’s bank account.”
Jihoon says nothing, just looks at me, and then, after ten seconds, “do you want to do it?”
“Do what?”
“The date. With Mingyu.”
Maybe its just the alcohol getting to my head, or maybe its all this smoke, but his voice seems different. Is he concerned, or is he joking, as per usual? It’s confusing. Should I blame the alcohol? That seems easier, given how it’s getting to my head. “I don’t know.”
“He’s not that bad, you know. He’s a good listener, and if you want him to shut up, he will. He’s great that way.”
I stare at him. Jihoon has a strange look on his face, one that I can’t really place. Alcohol. Yes. Blame it on the alcohol. I take another shot, but before I can form a reply to him, Eunseo and Joshua are walking back to the table, hand-in-hand, identical smiles on their faces. As soon as it had come, the look in Jihoon’s eyes is gone, replaced by the usual, blasé attitude he has perfected.
“Sorry for being late,” Eunseo breezes as she settles into the table, “Joshua needed to be reminded of adult boundaries.”
“I’m sorry.” Joshua offers by way of an apology, “I overstepped.”
“Damn right you did.” Jihoon mutters.
“Apology accepted,” I smile, picking up a piece of meat, “can you order some more?”
Mondays are, unfortunately, the worst. Especially if one spent their Sunday evening drinking enough alcohol to lose half their memories. I slide into my seat at work, yawning as I inspect the things I have to finish working on before the end of the day.
“Morning, sunbae,” a cheery voice says, placing a cup of coffee on my desk, “you look like shit.”
“Not the time, Seungkwan,” I mutter, pressing two fingers to my forehead, “too loud, too loud.”
“Heard you got shitfaced with Jihoon and the others last night,” Seungkwan says louder, “Jihoon texted the chat with the others at two in the morning, saying how he was going to take you home.”
“He did?” thankfully, I have no recollection of this happening, so I just let him fill me in on the details, “all I remember is drinking too much at the barbecue place.”
“Celebrating Joshua’s engagement, right?” Seungkwan’s smile is irritating, and I hate how cheery he is in the morning, “he texted about that, too. The pear-cut diamond was, oof, it was something to see.”
“Why do you know about diamond cuts?”
“I grew up with sisters,” he shrugs, as if growing up with sisters imbued one with all the hidden knowledge of womankind, including, but not limited to, engagement ring diamonds and their specific cuts, “you pick up stuff from listening.”
“Jihoon told you all he took me home?” I ask, “he doesn’t usually say that kind of stuff.”
“You got especially drunk last night, so he made an exception for you.” Seungkwan grins, leaning in, “what do you think about Jihoon?”
“He’s a pain in my ass.” I mutter, switching on my computer, “also, go back to work, Seungkwan. You’re not even supposed to be here until next week!”
“Yoo-min quit, so they asked me to join a week early,” he gives me a grin that again, I try not to decode (what is it with all these men and their mysterious grins?) before settling down into the seat next to me, and promptly jumping up to subject me to a ninety-degree bow, “Boo Seungkwan, at your service!”
“Ugh,” I wince, waving at him, “sit down, for the love of god, no one needs to be that loud in the mornings.”
“You are my senior, as it happens, and I’m very keen on maintaining proper relations.”
“Get me one of those hangover cures.”
“I like the American style.”
To no one’s surprise, Seungkwan is a very competent worker. He’s a social butterfly, which means that he quickly endears himself to everyone at work, and by the time lunch rolls around, I have to hear praises of Seungkwan from everyone. It’s terrifying, how competent he is.
Being one of the associate editors, means I have to mostly edit the articles sent in by the reporters on ground, not to mention I get to pick and choose which issue I want to cover. I maintain as much of my professionalism as I can, while having a raging headache.
“Sunbae,” Seungkwan approaches me right before lunch, “will you be going out to cover an article?”
“I have an interview with an author after lunch, so not yet,” I reply, putting the finishing touches on a report sent in by one of our field staff, on some celebrity’s rash driving case, “I have some time.”
“Do you want to have lunch with the rest of us?” he asks, gesturing the group of five waiting behind him, “we’re going to have naengmyeon at the place down the block.”
“I have enough sense to not butt into the affairs of my juniors, Seungkwan,” I say, standing up from my chair, “here, have the card. Since its your first day here, the office should treat you.”
Seungkwan takes the offered card with a bow, and smiles brightly, “oh, but the editor said we’re having a company dinner tonight? Won’t you be joining us for that?”
“A group dinner?” I ask, and the group behind him nods their head, all in unison. It makes them look like little bobbleheads, for some reason. “Sure, I’ll join in.”
“Yes!” he seems unusually cheerful about the company dinner, which in my own experience is nothing but a pain that I had to accustom myself with when I joined the paper, “see you tonight, sunbae!”
“This kid,” I groan, picking up my coat. The prospect of lunch makes my stomach turn, and now I have to contend with dinner?
I text Jihoon while walking out of the offices. Joshua is busy with his new fiancée, and Jihoon’s building is far closer to mine that it is to Joshua’s place of work.
big dick (canon): Are u free
big dick (canon): For lunch
Unless Jihoon texts first, he takes an hour to respond at best, but as soon as I send the message, he’s typing a reply.
hoon: lunch?
hoon: if it isn’t lunch I’m killing u
hoon: dude I’ve never had a block this bad I think I’m going to go crazy
hoon: not to mention the hangover from last night is crazy
big dick (canon): it is for lunch, you idiot, why would I text u otherwise
big dick (canon): and I can agree on that, my head is killing me
hoon: is hangover soup cool with u
hoon: I know a good place
hoon: meet u at the front of your building in five
hoon: please tell me all the details about Seungkwan
“He took five minutes to get the editor to warm up to him?” Jihoon cackles, as the lady serves us two steaming bowls of seollongtang, “of course, it’s Seungkwan. He can make anyone warm up to him in minutes.”
“I fear he takes it as a challenge.” I say, spooning the milky broth into my mouth, “ah! Its hot!”
“Why can’t you just wait for a while, before eating your food?” Jihoon pours me a glass of water, “did you die of starvation in your previous life?”
“I don’t believe in that.”
“Yes, yes, Miss Atheist. Tell me what else our little dongsaeng get up to in the meantime.”
“He’s not been given a lot of work, given that it’s his first day,” I take another, more tentative sip of the broth, “but unfortunately, I’ve to attend another company dinner tomorrow morning.”
“Another company dinner? Haven’t you gone through enough pain to consider drinking again, what,  barely twenty-four hours later?”
“Twenty-fours is pushing it,” I say, wincing at the sound of my own voice, “ugh, this damn hangover. I can’t even function. Let’s just eat in silence.”
“You want a cider?” Jihoon asks, looking around for the owner to ask for two cans of cider, but the owner is faster than him, setting down two cans of soda in front of us with a smile on her face.
“Your boyfriend is very caring.” She tells me, “its so nice to see someone taking care of their girlfriend so well. The sodas are on the house, okay?”
“Oh, but he’s not—” even before I’ve finished my sentence, she’s gone again, tending to her other customers. Jihoon opens one of the cans for me without saying a word.
“We should stop coming here.” I say, accepting the can from him, “why would anyone think that we’re a couple?”
“They can’t accept that men and women can just be friends, that’s why.”
“Too bad the food is great.”
Jihoon pauses for a moment, then a slow, sly smile spreads all over his face. I know that look. That look does not bode well for me, or for anyone else involved. The first time I saw Jihoon have that look on his face, Seungcheol embarrassed himself so badly in front of a group of first-year students, he refused to come out to any events where Jihoon was invited, for almost a month. This look means that he’s got some sort of evil plan in his mind, one that involves another person and their total embarrassment. He takes a look around the restaurant, and sits up straight. The words that come out of his mouth next, however—
“Babe,” Jihoon says, loud enough for half the restaurant to hear, “don’t you think this place is great?”
What the fuck?
“Jihoon, what are you doing?” my voice is a whisper, “they’re all looking at us!”
“That’s the point.” He whispers, before smiling, “you should say something too, you know. Make the whole thing more believable.”
“I don’t want to!”
“They gave us free sodas; they deserve a special performance at least.” He points to the owner, who looks like she’s about to break her face from smiling so damn broad, “sorry, my girlfriend is a very shy.”
“Oh,” the lady waves it away, “anyone can see you are in love!”
In the end, when Jihoon is paying for our lunches, she takes a final look at the two of us, and croons, “you two make a lovely couple!”
“What the fuck was that?” I turn on Jihoon as soon as we are safely out of the restaurant and far enough for anyone to eavesdrop, “Why the hell would you tell her that we’re dating?”
“Thought you needed a pick-me-up,” Jihoon grins, “at least I got you to stop worrying about things so much.”
“There are better ways of going about that than telling unsuspecting diner owners that we are dating!”
“It was funny, you have to admit,” he smiles, and I have to begrudgingly agree, “see, told you we’d make a cute couple.”
I would rather die than tell Jihoon that I agree with him on anything, so I keep quiet. Thing is; it was rather funny. Especially with how the owner reacted to us.
“And later on,” Jihoon says, holding on to my arm as we cross the road, “when you come to this place with someone else, you can just tell her that we broke up.”
“You need to stop talking about how I’m going to start dating other people.” I mutter, “just because I’ve got some frustrations I need to work out, doesn’t mean I’m going to go running into the arms of whoever it is who offers first.”
“Careful with that,” he says, standing at the crossroads where he’s supposed to walk towards his building, “you might end up regretting it.”
And with a single wave, he’s gone. I stand for about five minutes, like an idiot, while the busy crowd walks past me, trying to decode his words. Why would I regret my decision to not date someone just because I need to get over myself? Not to mention Jihoon has been behaving strangely since the previous night.
“Sunbae,” Seungkwan materialises next to me, “penny for your thoughts?”
“Jesus!” I narrowly escape jumping three feet into the air, “give a girl a warning!”
“I did call out,” he pouts. Its disconcerting how adorable he is. “You were pretty engrossed in looking into the distance to even notice my presence.”
“Are you upset?”
Seungkwan smiles, “if you agree to a badminton match with me over the weekend, I’ll overlook this slight.”
I sigh. “You drive a hard bargain,” I say, making my way into the building, “see you at the dinner, then.”
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Someone New 6
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No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.
Warnings: this fic will include angst, pining, romcom tropes, and some darker elements later in the series. Some triggers may not be specifically tagged. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.
This fic will contain explicit content. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.
Summary: You’ve had a crush on your best friend for years, but you’re slapped in the face with reality when he takes things to the next level with his girlfriend.
Characters: Steve Rogers, Thor
Note: Thanks as usual for reading.
As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.
Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.
I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖
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Things don’t become comfortable, but familiar. You get into a routine, one which smears the days and nights into the other. The landscape helps with that. The sun is fleeting, even in July. The days are longer but it’s not anywhere as stifling or humid as New York. Like everything else, it’s different. 
The man at the fish place, Frederik, knows your name. His wife, Inga too. When you walk in the door, they put your order to fry before you even get to the counter. They’re friendly and warm. It’s nice to have some smiling faces when you can hardly muster the same.  
They like to ask you about New York; they’re finally planning a big trip to America after twenty-five years together. They remind you of Marigold and her bakery. You long for one of her eclairs and her chatty demeanour. Just another thing to miss. 
As you sit down at a table near the window to eat in, your phone goes off. You answer as you read Sam’s name across the screen. He’s the only one you’ve talked to in the last month. Nearly two now. August is close. 
“Yo, yo, girly pop,” he sings from the other end. 
“Girly pop? Sam,” you chide as you hover a thick cut fry before your mouth. 
“Chicky poo, nope. Girly pop, nope. I’ll get there,” he teases, “finally got a hold of you.” 
“Uh, yeah, the site is far. No signal,” you shrug and take a bite. 
“I know, I'm just needy,” he kids. “So, you hitting the spa? Summer’s going fast.” 
“Not yet,” you swallow. “Sam, there’s a lot of work here and it’s just me. The only help I get is from a local student volunteer and they do three hours a week.” 
“Oof, why does your work sound so boring?” He groans 
“Hey!” 
“Well, I mean, digging up dirt all day, tell me you’re not going mad. You making friends? No one to cool, I hope. I’m still your number one guy.” 
“Not really. It’s tough. Long hours. I don’t know,” you stare out the window as you toy with the bamboo fork.  
“If you were going to hide all day in a hovel, you could’ve stayed in New York,” he sighs. 
“Sam, I’m trying. Really. It’s... It’s going to take some time.” 
“Right,” he agrees grimly. “Time. A year is not that long.”  
You hum and lean back in the chair. You’re not as hungry as you were. You close up the container and stand. 
“I know, alright?” You sniff as you tidy the table and grab your food, “but this isn’t a vacation.” 
“It’s also not a missionary trip,” he retorts. “I’m not tryna be a dick here, I’m helping. You need this.” 
You push out into the street and cluck. Silence. You don’t know what to say. He’s right and just like ever day, the conversation is the same. Over and over. It’s going to drive you crazy. 
“More sunlight this time of year, good for work--” 
“No more work talk,” he interjects, “if you don’t got anything fun going on, I'll just have to make you jealous. Some good old fashioned FOMO. Hm, me and Bucky went to Jersey.” 
“Jersey? Why?” You take the bait, happy for the distraction. 
“Oh, yeah, I told him there was a vintage bike for sale there.” 
“You told him that but...” 
“There wasn’t. I just wanted to see him interact with the locals. The old ladies love him but the men... well, I think he might have a warrant out now.” 
“No, Sam, what the hell?” You exclaim as you stroll along. “Are you trying to get him killed?” 
“Hey, I got his back. Just like I got yours. It was just a prank.” 
“Wait, Sam, where exactly did you take him in Jersey?” 
“Some cribbage club, I don’t know. I saw a page for it online. Thought he’d fit in--” 
“They were old?” 
“They match his energy,” he snorts. 
You can’t help but laugh. It feels good. Just that little bit of home. Your amusement is dampened as your heart sinks. You really were so stupid. You didn’t see what you had all around you; Bucky, Sam, more than just Steve. Now it’s all behind you and going back won’t be the same as before. 
💟
There’s tension in the air. It’s going to rain. You suspect your day will be cut short by the gathering clouds but your persist. No use in running. Again. 
The last time you left in fear of a storm, it waited until the next day. So you sit, boots set in the dirty, hunched over as you carefully trace out the strange lump. It’s more than sediment. Bone but not a skeleton. Likely animal and bent into some tool. You have to be delicate. It’s not like the movies, you can’t just dig your hand in and rip it out. 
Your earbud drones as a retro R&B playlist keeps your mind at focus. You wipe your forehead with the back of your glove, feeling the flecks of dirt cling to your skin. You ignore it and press on. Just a little more, a little more. 
It’s bigger than you expect. Just as you think it might come free, you find it goes further down. You can make out the jagged break and the hide wrapping at it’s base. A spear of some sort.  
You roll your shoulders out and put your tools down on the open role. You peel of the gloves and reach for the tall insulated bottle of water. You gulp, your throat cooling nicely at the flow. You cap the bottle and clear your throat, listening to the silence of the mountain. 
Yet it isn’t quiet. You glance around at the subtle scratching, a strange tapping across the ground. It could be vermin. It’s not unusual to disturb a nest of one thing or another on a dig but they usually leave early on. 
You put the bottle down and shove your hand back into a glove. A puffy breath comes over the scratching. Several breaths in quick succession, as if there’s something sniff. You keep your other glove in your grip and stand. Your legs are so cramped that your steps are stiff and stunted. 
As you search for the source, there’s a yipe and a fuzzy shape catches your eye. You tilt your head, thoroughly confused at the barking beast. You’re not certain that chihuahuas are native to Norway. At least, you wouldn’t assume so. 
The ashy blond dog has longer fur along its ears and chest and a white bolt down its chest. You can tell it isn’t wild despite its behaviour as it is finely groomed and wears a bright red collar. You approach the fence as it hops, stopping only to try to dig beneath with its dirtied paws. 
“Hi, buddy,” you near the eager dog, “how’d you get up here?” 
You stop just across from the dog and poke your fingers through the fence. It stops, you think a ‘he’, and sniffs your fingers. His cold nose tickles you and you wiggle until you can pet his head. The little thunderbolt emblem on hiss collar peeks through his mane. There might be some information there. 
“Thunder!” The booming voice sounds like the very thing it decries, “Thunder, you pest, where’re you off too?” 
There’s a crunching of soil and rock along the mountain pass as the dog growls and barks again, turning to face the skewing of a towering shadow. You watch in shock at the approach. You didn’t think there was life so far up. That or someone has chosen a rather treacherous hiking trail. 
The dog, you assume ‘Thunder’, bounces back and forth in anticipation of his own, calling to him with his pitchy yaps. The man appears around the jagged rock and you feel the air knocked from your chest. You slowly reach to take out your earbud and tuck it in a pocket.
Wow. You blink to make sure it’s real. To be certain this isn’t some trick of the mind or this ancient land. Maybe the gods are real here. 
He’s tall and broad and handsome. His canvas jacket does little to conceal his muscular build as his jeans are snug to his thick thighs. You think he’s even bigger than Steve. You wince at the reminder of the man but it quickly flits away. You can’t ignore the man before you with his golden tresses twisted back into a low bun, stray strands wisping forward to frame his stony jaw and stormy blue eyes. 
You stand gaping through the fence as the man flinches in fright. His gaze meet yours and his cheeks tinge pink as he gives a crooked grin, “ah, Thunder, my darling, you’ve found a friend.” 
He whistles and the dog lunges forward. He picks up the chihuahua, their size difference almost comical as he cradles him in one arm. You can’t think of a thing to say. You can barely think.  
You snap your mouth shut and clear your throat. Work. That’s what you should be doing. 
“Hello,” the man nears the other side of the fence before you can move away, “I’ve been wondering what this is all about. The signs...” he points with his thumb over his shoulder. 
“Oh, uh,” you peer around as if lost. You sort of are. “A dig. Er. Grant,” you stammer out. You take a breath and still your mind, “I work with an archeological society in New York. We’ve been sponsored by your national board to exhume this site.” 
“Ah, yes, makes sense,” he lowers his brows thoughtfully as the dog squirms in his hold, yiping and biting at his sleeve. “Forgive me, she is rather uncouth.” He raises the dog higher and she wiggles in his arm. You see it now, definitely a pampered girl. “This is Thunder. She lives up to her namesake, eh?” 
“Uh, yeah,” you give a brittle smile, unsure. 
“Thor,” he dips his chin down, “I live just up the pass.” 
“You do?” You wonder curiously. “All the way up here?” 
“Oh yes, if you saw the old haunt, you might just want to dig that up too,” he jokes. “We usually go up the pass, towards the river.” 
“The river?” 
“Yes, you mustn’t stray far from here,” he remarks as he raises a hand to lean on the fence, only to nearly tip the unanchored grating. “Oooh, apologies,” he rights himself with a laugh, “anyhow, it is nice to see a new face around here. Better to have a name for it.” 
“Right, uh,” you offer your name and giggle nervously, “it’s just me on-site, guess I forget my manners.” 
“Not to worry. As the resident mountain man, my etiquette does lack,” he winces as Thunder chomps on his thumb knuckle, “eh, you monster, alright.” He holds her up and she pokes her nose through the fence, “she loves new people. Not so keen on the old.” 
“She's cute,” you scratch her nose and she licks your fingers. “Not exactly a native species.” 
“Who knows where she came from? Found the little dragon in the woods. Suppose someone left her there. She was covered in mud, so small I though she was a bloody toad,” he muses as he brings her back against his chest and rocks her, “it was only her thunderous barks which told me otherwise, isn’t that right, darling?” 
He makes a kissy noise at her and her fluffy tail wags wildly against him. You smile more genuinely. It is nice to have another living thing around after digging up the broken and dead for so long. 
“So you’re from New York?” He asks abruptly, his blue eyes rolling over you like a tide. 
“Yeah,” you utter breathily, “yes, New York.” 
“You’ve been here a while?” 
“Couple months,” you shift and twist your glove. 
“Wonderful, and you’ve done much exploring? You must live in town.” 
“About three hours,” you point towards the gravelly road, “haven’t had much time for sightseeing but I found a good fish shop.” 
“A shop? That’s no good. We catch our own fish, fry ‘em up over the pit,” he says, “that’s the way we do it up here.” 
You nod, “sounds fun. Well, er,” you turn halfway and look around, your eyes skimming up to the cloudy sky, “I should probably hustle. Looks like rain.” 
“That it does but it won’t be ‘til midnight,” he assures. 
“You think it’ll hold out?” 
“I know so,” he affirms and lingers by the fence, trying to see past you, “what exactly are you uncovering over there?” 
“Not much so far,” you pull on your loose glove. 
“You must know what this place was. A raider’s camp.” 
“Is that so?” 
“Mm, yes, the raiders would camp upon the pass away from those who might come ashore, then go off themselves to find a coast to reap,” he explains. 
“And how do you know all that?” You ask as you tramp back to your place in the dirt. 
“Suppose some of my ancestors camped here with them,” he offers casually, “for so long as we’ve been up here. Once the viking scamps settled, they had to find a home somewhere. Some fellow named Agmundr or another built a stone house further up.” 
“Admundr? Family?” You prompt. 
“Distant,” he assures, “been some time and that stone house is now a foundation.” 
You get down to your knees as you grab your brush and peek over at him, “thanks for the information. I’ll have to add it to the land report. Have them crosscheck in the archives.” 
“Not at all. You won’t find it all on your paper, you know? We carry or history on our tongues here.” 
“Sure,” you say as you bend over the spearhead and start again. 
“You don’t mind if I watch? I always did love history and I’ve never seen a proper dig before.” 
“Not much going on, I’m afraid,” you shrug, “but if you want.” 
“Thunder will have a tantrum if I go,” he chuckles, “she likes you.” 
“Hm,” you scoff, “she is very outspoken.” 
You set your eyes on your task but can’t shake the awareness of your audience. It’s not too unusual. There were a few digs you did early on in the heart of the city and people loved to ogle you. This is different. Just the two of you. A stranger even. Friendly as he is, you’re happy for the fence, even if it is rather flimsy. 
“Those bones aren’t for you,” he says to the dog as she wriggles in his grasp. “Let’s find a stick then, you little pest.” 
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kaleldobrev · 1 month
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Prologue — The 15 Year Problem Series
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Pairing: MOC!Dean Winchester x F. Reader
Feat. Character(s): Reader, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester & Unnamed Hunter Boyfriend (OC)
Series Summary: Needing help on a poltergeist case, you ask fellow hunter Sam Winchester for help. Despite having a broken arm, Sam agrees to help you. But, just as he’s about to head out and meet you, Dean tells him that he’ll take his place and help instead.
Chapter Word Count: 1.5k
Chapter Warnings: Age Gap (15 years) & Self-Loathing Dean
Authors Note: A prequel series to the Old Man Universe (OMU) on how Dean and reader met | Takes place a few days after Dean is cured from being a demon in 2016 (please read this post for reasonings why it’s 2016, not 2014) | Thoughts are in italics | Switches between reader & Dean's POV but it's still written in the second person | If you liked this, don’t forget to like & reblog. I really appreciate it! Feedback is always welcome ♡
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⋆ The 15 Year Problem Masterlist ⋆
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Dean sat on the edge of his bed looking at his surroundings that he hadn’t seen in so long. Although it’s only been a few months, it felt like an eternity to him. Everything was still in the exact same place he had left it; and he wasn’t sure if he should be relieved about that or not.
Being in his bedroom back in the Bunker came with a wide variety of emotions. He was happy to be back in a place that he had called home for the past several years, a place where he was finally able to have his own room again since he was four years old. But yet, there was another part of him that wanted to take his keys and drive off somewhere. He loved Sam, he loved Cas but, it was hard to face them again after everything he had done, and after everything he had put them through. Not only during the months he was gone, but during the short amount of time they were trying to cure him of a disease he strangely enjoyed.
“You weren’t you,” Sam had told him repeatedly as if he was a broken record. But Dean didn’t believe his words for a second. He enjoyed being a demon more than he liked to admit. Being able to kill whoever he wanted whenever he wanted without consequence fueled him. Being able to fuel the Mark was easy, being a demon was easy. Being a demon weirdly came natural to him.
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Sitting at your desk, you endlessly scrolled through news story after news story, trying to find any excuse to leave your apartment, as it was a place that was currently not giving you the usual sense of peace it tended to provide you. Your apartment was usually your safe space, a place that you could relax and unwind in after a tough hunt. But ever since your boyfriend moved in, it had become a place that you no longer felt safe and calm in.
You and your boyfriend hadn't been together for that long — roughly a year — but during a majority of your relationship, it has been argument after argument, and the arguments were always about the same couple of things. He was either disrespecting you or upset that you didn't bring him along on one of your hunting trips.
He hadn't been a hunter for long — barely two years — and you met him within his first year. You had met him while on a werewolf case, as the two of you found the same lead and decided to work together since he really had no experience with werewolves. For some reason, the two of you clicked, and had been together ever since.
Whenever you and him tended to get into an argument, you wondered why you were still with him, knowing that you could do better. He didn't treat you right, and often undermined you in front of other hunters, sometimes taking credit for your own hunts. You tried to rationalize it, often saying that he was the best you were ever going to do because there was no way you could be with someone that wasn't a hunter, as you felt being with someone that wasn't one would put them in more harm, and you couldn't risk it. But the words of your mother started echoing in your head now, "It's better to be alone than to be with someone who disrespects you." You knew she was right; she was always right.
As you were about to give up, a news story finally jumped out at you, and it screamed poltergeist — your specialty.
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Dean stared up at the ceiling, wanting more than anything to fall asleep; but the events of the last few months kept replaying in his head. "You weren't you," Sam's words repeated again and again.
No matter how many times Sam's words repeated, Dean still refused to believe it, as when he was a demon, he felt more like himself than he had been in such a long time; and that scared him.
The things that he did as a demon he would have done regardless; but the only reason he did the things that he did was because he knew there were no consequences, his conscience wasn't trying to stop him. Sam or Cas weren't there to stop him especially.
The Mark started itching again, getting hot with need. I need to kill something, he thought.
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Getting off the phone with you, Sam sighed, looking at his slinged arm. There was no way he was going to be able to help you with this case, but it was far too late to call you back now; not after he already agreed to help you. The last thing he wanted to do was disappoint you, as you were a big help to him while Dean was gone.
Sam was impressed by you to say the least, as despite your age, you were a damn good hunter with a decent amount of experience under your belt. He hadn't known you for very long — meeting you within the last couple of months — but you had quickly become someone he had grown to deeply trust; and he was incredibly thankful for that, and thankful for you.
Placing his phone back into his pocket, he grabbed his duffel bag and started packing some of the essentials. The case you asked him to join you on was one that was pretty straightforward, so he assumed it wouldn't take more than a couple of days. That's when his mind started to wander, wondering why you had asked for his help in the first place, as poltergeists were one of your specialties and it was the type of case that you could do in your sleep, but yet, you asked him for help.
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Closing up your laptop, you grabbed it bringing it over to your bed, before going underneath it and grabbing your duffel. You started packing all of the essentials for a case that would only take you a couple of days. The case was an easy one, one that you could easily do in your sleep, but yet, you called Sam Winchester to help you. There was a small twinge of regret after you got off the phone with him, and you debated back and forth as you packed to call him back up again and tell him, 'Never mind, I got this Sammy.' But deep down, you wanted the company; you wanted to be with someone that treated you like an equal unlike your boyfriend.
"Going on a case?" Your boyfriend asked from behind you.
You turned to look at him for a moment, and he was leaning against the doorway, staring at you as you packed. "Yes," you said, plainly. Even if you weren't going on a case, you felt like you didn't need to explain anything to him.
"Where's the case? I can join you," he offered. But his offer wasn't a genuine one, as the only reason he offered to go with you was to try and make up the argument to you in some way. But you weren't in the mood for any of his gestures.
"Tulsa," you said. "I already called another hunter to help me."
"What hunter?" He asked, making his way to the bed so he could sit down on the edge like he usually did whenever you were attempting to pack for a case.
You looked at him again, annoyed that he kept interrupting your packing. He didn't need to know what hunter was going with you, and he didn't know where the case was going to be. But yet, you felt like you needed to tell him in order to get him off your back. "Sam Winchester," you said simply, and you saw his eyes grow wide.
"Sam Winchester?" He questioned. "Really?"
"Yeah, what's wrong with Sam Winchester?" You asked, curious as to what he had to say about him, as you knew he had never met him. But there were times when you and him would be spending time with fellow hunters, and he would claim that he knew Sam; a bold statement that, whenever said, you tried to hold back a laugh.
“Nothing it’s just…the Winchester’s tend to get a lot of their partners killed,” he said. Your brows furrowed, not only because you were confused on where he heard that, but you’ve hunted with Sam a few times already, and your boyfriend never brought that up to you before.
“I’ve hunted with Sam a few times now, and I’m still alive,” you said, zippering up your duffel. “He’s a great hunting partner, very careful.”
“For now, you’re alive and for now he’s being careful. What happens when he bails on you to save himself?” Your boyfriend asked, his tone excitable now.
“I don’t know because I know for a fact that won’t happen,” your tone was serious and stern, defensive. Despite not knowing Sam for a long time, you trusted him more on hunts than your own boyfriend. “I trust Sam.”
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⤑ Move Forward & Read Chapter 1
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Tag List: | @roseblue373 | @snakebxtez | @deanwanddamons | @missy420-0 | @hannahisthebanana | @madzzz0797 | @livingordeadwhoknows | @grx-deanslovr | @nancymcl | @jacklesbrainworms | @savagemickey03 | @deanbrainrotwritings | @rachiem4-blog | @syrma-sensei | @justletmereadfanfic | @deans-daydream | @midorimachisenpaii | @anamiad00msday | @beansproutmafia | @queenie32 | @deansbbyx | @deans-spinster-witch | @ficmesideways | @frozenhuntress67 | @coldspoons | @wirdbeimaufhebengebunden | @androah | @zulema222 | @k-l-a-w-s | @the-achievementhunter | @k-slla | @mrlonelycat | @dumb-fawkin-bitch | @ladysparkles78 | @jackles010378 | @zepskies | @mrsjenniferwinchester | @globetrotter28 | @missscarlettangel | @foxyjwls007
185 notes · View notes
lipringlrh · 8 months
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i know it wont work | CL16
"I hate to look at your face and know that we're feeling different.” - i know it won’t work, gracie abrams
summary: you don’t love charles anymore and it’s wrong to keep dragging him along.
pairing: charles leclerc x reader
an: wrote this ages ago but remembered it. happy charles contract day !!!
word count: 1.8k
warning: a bit suggestive? breakups and angst, sad charles who likes to beg x
feedback and reblogs appreciated !!
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we need to talk.
He received the text from you this morning, but he didn't want to respond. He knew what was coming but he had been ignoring it and trying his best to fix it for the past month.
He could feel you falling out of love with him over the past few weeks and he had tried everything to fix it. He'd bought you flowers, took you on fancy dates, and constantly did your favourite activities with you. It's not like he wasn't doing that before, he most definitely was, but he made it more often and romantic than before. The last thing he wanted was to lose you.
You would've said the same every day of your life until recently. You didn't know how it happened, or when or why, but it did and you hated yourself for it. You didn't want to fall out of love with Charles, you always believed you'd be together for the rest of your lives, so when you realised it was happening you ignored it, trying to force the feelings back. You immersed yourself in the dates he took you on and tried so hard to love him but you couldn't help it anymore.
It didn't take much time to realise Charles knew. He could always read you better than anyone else which you usually loved. He spent days crying into your arms, holding you and refusing to let you leave, mourning the relationship he knew was coming to an end. Neither of you addressed it though, you just waited, hoping the other would talk first. Despite loving him less and less, you loved the relationship you had with him, and you didn't want to leave him.
It was unfair though, you realised. You'd stare at each other and you could see easily how in love he was with you whilst you felt nothing. It was horrible dragging it on, especially knowing he knew, and you couldn't spend time with him without feeling incredibly guilty.
You didn't know how to go about it, telling the man you thought you'd spend your life with you didn't love him, but after sending the text, you knew you'd started it the wrong way.
You weren't surprised by the lack of response, you guessed it might happen, but you stayed home all day knowing he would show up at some point. And at quarter past eleven at night, he did.
You both were sat on the same sofa, not too far apart but far enough you couldn't touch each other without leaning. Charles hadn't looked at you since he arrived, he stared mostly at the floor, very occasionally looking up. It wasn't hard to notice the colour of his eyes - they were bright red, most likely from a mix of crying and rubbing them.
You sat in silence for a while, neither of you saying anything, neither of you wanting to admit the truth. Neither of you had told anyone the issues over the past month, but a few close friends had some ideas.
Charles was playing with his fingers, ripping off skin at the corners, he didn't want to hear what he knew you were going to say but he couldn't sit in the silence any longer without crying.
"Please just get it over with," he whispered, hoping he had the completely wrong idea for the last month.
You paused for a moment, taking deep breaths, trying not to cry yourself, "I'm not in love with you anymore."
It made you feel sick to finally say it out loud. You hated yourself for feeling it and for bottling it in for so long.
The room was silent again but not for long. Charles' head was in his hands, and small sobs could be heard from him.
"Charles, I am so sorry. I didn't want this to happen, I wanted to spend my life with you, I promise."
“Don’t, please,” he cried, voice shaking.
You started to focus on your own breathing again, forcing yourself to hold back from crying, “we can’t be together anymore.”
He looked up, straight at you. You could see his face fully now for the first time, Tears ran down his face, which was already blotchy. He looked tired and hopeless, and you feared he’d only get worse.
“Yeah, no shit,” his voice started off strong before breaking completely at the end, sending out another wave of sobs.
“God, I am so sorry, Charles, I am so sorry,” you sniffled, beginning to cry yourself.
He just shook his head and places it back in his hands. His full body was shaking and he was sobbing harder than you thought possible.
“Can you- can you hold me please?” he choked, barely holding back his cries.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea-”
“Please,” he begged, shamelessly. He didn’t care anymore, you knew he needed you, he didn’t need to hide it.
You moved closer to him, barely, still keeping a safe distance. You placed a hand on his head, not sure what else to do.
Charles made the next move and placed himself right next to you, almost on top of you. He leaned into you, pressing his head into your shoulder. You wrapped your arms around him subconsciously, pulling him closer.
He carried on shaking into you, letting out strangled sobs. They never seemed to end, he just seemed to carry on for what felt like forever. You cried too, into his hair, occasionally pressing tender kisses wherever you could reach.
"Please let me stay tonight, it's too dark for me to drive. Let me just have one last night with you please," he begged, still crying into your shoulder.
You knew it was bullshit - he drove just as well at night as in the day and it was just as dark as when he came, but you didn’t have the energy to dispute him.
“Charles-”
“Please, baby, just one night. Just one.”
You couldn’t answer him. It would be so wrong to say yes but it felt wrong to say no.
“Let me have one last good memory. Let me prove what you’re missing,” he tried pleading again.
You sighed, nodding, not that he could see you. He could feel you though but wasn’t entirely sure if your movements meant anything.
“Hmm, you want to? Please, baby. Talk to me.”
“Okay.”
“Okay, yes? Talk properly.” he ordered, sharply yet quietly, taking more control over his tears.
“Yes Charles,” you responded. He tried to look at you pointedly, silently pushing you for more, but with his tear-stained face it didn't work too well. After knowing him better than anyone, you understood though, “Yes Charles, you can stay.”
“Good answer,” he whispered, turning back into your neck, pressing lazy kisses up and down, “such a good answer angel.”
“Charles,” you almost whined. Almost. It’d be wrong to let him have you the way he wanted whilst he was in this state but God did it feel good.
He was moving down your jaw, leaving wet, loving, kisses in the wake. He was pushing himself into you, moving against your thigh.
“Let me make love to you, baby,” he moaned, rutting his hips faster against yours, “don’t refuse. I know you can’t resist me. Please.”
His face was pressed into your neck, switching between sucking and biting down. His hands moved further down, touching your chest and body in all the right places.
“Yes. Please, Charles.”
————
You slept well that night, better than you had in a long while even though you were still wrapped up in Charles’ arms. You were woken up by him, dabbing light kisses down your neck.
Light fled in through the window, hitting you and Charles perfectly. You awoke to feel his hair tickling your chin, his lips now kissing across your shoulder.
“Charles, not again,” you groaned, not wanting him to stop at all, but you were beginning to feel guilty. You just spent a night with a man who loved you unconditionally, knowing that you didn't, "Come on, Charles, get up."
He carried on kissing you, moving towards your collar bone, then inching further down, "we can go again."
You tangled your hands in his hair, moving his face up, away from your body.
"No, Charles," you paused, taking in a sharp intake of breath as Charles began kissing your jaw, "Charles, you need to go."
He stopped instantly and looked up at you. It was easy to notice the sudden change in demeanour. His playful attitude was gone, replaced with a much more miserable one. He already looked like he was going to cry again.
He'd put last nights conversation to the back of his mind, only focusing on the fact he had you all to himself. He didn't want to remember it either.
"Is there anything I can do to make you love me?" he whispered, brokenly, on the verge of crying again.
He rested his head on your chest, beginning to sob into you. His body was lightly shaking, only getting more vigorous as time went on. You couldn't respond to him - you couldn't even look at him. Guilt ate you up inside, you wanted to love him.
"I think you should go, Charles," you spoke, your voice cracking. You were crying now too.
"I want to stay."
"I don't love you Charles," you cried, "I think it's best if you leave."
"Could you love me again?" he pried, barely being able to speak between gasping for breath, his crying taking over his whole body.
"I think you should go."
"Can you answer me?" he begged.
You didn't want to but you had to. You repeated yourself again, "I think you should go, Charles,"
He propped himself up on his arms, his face over yours. He had tear tracks down his face. He was hopeful when he shouldn't be, "you're not saying no."
"I'm saying I think you should go."
"Please," he asked again, wanting nothing more than you to give in. He always believed, deep down, you were it for him, his forever person, and he really didn't want to give you up.
"Please go, Charles," you pleaded, refusing to look at him. If you could go back in time and fix your feelings, you would, in every timeline, but you couldn't and you regretted it every second.
"I'm going," he sighed, defeatedly, getting up from the bed. He grabbed his clothes, dressing himself with little effort.
He took his time, trying to savour every last bit of time with you, even if it was bittersweet. He took one last look at you before he was out of the door, holding your gaze for as long as he could.
"I promise you I'll love you forever, call me if you'll let me".
479 notes · View notes
gudfornuthin · 1 month
Text
Unexpected Comfort
Season 4!Diego x fem!reader, (past) Five x reader
! SPOILERS AHEAD !
! MINORS DNI !
Summary: after finding out the news about Lila and Five’s relationship, Y/N needs to get away from it all. Who knew she’d find comfort in the one other person broken too?
Word count: 2.65k words
A/N: ayooo. I wanna thank everyone for the support I received from my Five fanfic, it means the world to me that people read and enjoy my writing. I’m definitely thinking about ideas for a part 2, and I also have some requests I need to complete, but for now this lil thing popped into my head and I had to make it. My sweet Diego deserved so much more. There’s fluff, there’s angst, there’s a lil bit of smut (I’m trying to get better at writing that lol) so I hope you all enjoy. Feedback is always appreciated
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“I’m so sorry, I didn’t want you to find out this way.”
Those were the words that came out of Five’s mouth before Y/N stormed out of the house, leaving behind the shocked faces of the Hargreeves siblings.
Five had cheated on her. With Lila. Diego’s wife, the mother of his children. She felt like throwing up. They’d created a life together, seeming to forget all about the life they had here, in the real world. Five tried explaining how a few hours to her had been years for him and Lila, but Y/N wasn’t having it. She couldn’t imagine giving up on a relationship she’d spent so long working on, like it meant nothing at all. At least they weren’t married with kids. She doesn’t want to think about how much this is killing Diego.
Having left the house, ignoring the calls from the family, Y/N continued walking for what seemed like hours. She wasn’t familiar with this side of town, and the dark streets all blended together. Had she already gone this way? Was there a bus stop she could seek shelter under for the time being? The night was getting colder and she was finding it hard to catch her breath, the tears still flowing. She knew she couldn’t continue on for much longer.
After walking a few more blocks, Y/N finally spots a bar/diner, the lights still on inside. Better than nothing, she thinks, as she slowly makes her way towards it, in desperate need of a drink.
The diner is quiet, only a few patrons scattered around, either drunk or on the verge of passing out. The bar tender nods in acknowledgment when Y/N sits on one of the bar stools, asking what she wants.
“I’ll just have a beer.”
The bar tender rolls his eyes. “What kinda beer?”
Y/N shrugs. “The cheapest one you’ve got.”
He wonders off to sort out her order, as she rests her head in the palms of her hands, closing her eyes and trying not to sob like a baby. The pain in her chest still lingers, as she can’t escape the images of Five and Lila, and the life they had made together. The life that should’ve been hers. With everything going on, she’d almost forgotten about the world ending, again. But that was surprisingly the least of her worries at the moment. She just wanted to scream, and punch and kick anything that got in her way. She needed a cigarette. And she doesn’t even smoke.
“Thought I’d find you here.”
A voice sounds off to the side of Y/N, as she slowly opens her eyes. A beer bottle stands in front of her, and she turns to her left, spotting Diego in the seat next to hers. He looks worse for wear. Red eyes, prominent frown lines, and a pouty lip.
“You look like a kicked puppy,” Y/N mumbles, not knowing what else to say.
“Yeah, I wonder why,” Diego replies in a gruff voice, grabbing for her beer and taking a swig.
The pair go quiet, listening to the soft tune playing through the overhead speakers, dwelling in their own thoughts. The two of them had never exactly been close. Since Y/N joined the family she’d always gravitated more towards Klaus and Alison. Frankly, she didn’t understand why Diego was here with her. Maybe because they were both dealing with the same situation, with both their partners being the main focal point. Or maybe he was just in desperate need for a drink too, as shown when he downs the rest of the bottle. Y/N alerts the bar tender, putting up two fingers to ask for a second round. Hopefully she can actually have some this time.
“Was I a bad husband?” Diego finally speaks up, breaking the somewhat awkward silence.
Y/N glances his way, unsure of how to respond.
She clears her throat. “I dunno if I’m the right person to answer that,” she scratches at the label on the beer bottle. “But from what I saw, you were pretty good at it.”
He doesn’t say anything, so she continues. “And you’re also a good dad. I can’t imagine how hard it was, going from one apocalypse to another, to just living a normal life. Pretending none of it ever happened. You didn’t let that get in the way of taking care of your kids. They know you’re a good dad.”
She notices the tears forming in Diego’s eyes and looks away, knowing he wouldn’t want others to see him cry. She sips her drink, the burning sensation hitting the back of her throat.
“For what it’s worth,” Diego starts, “you’re not a bad girlfriend.”
“I never thought I was,” Y/N bites back, her tone harsher than she wanted it to be. “But what are you supposed to think when the love of your life admits to having an affair?” She laughs bitterly. “With his fucking sister in law!”
“Hey, you’re preaching to the choir here,” Diego says, rubbing incessantly at his eyes. “Just tryna make you feel better.”
“Well you didn’t.”
“Yeah, I got that.”
They bask in silence again, both too stubborn to apologise for snapping at each other. They know neither of them are in the wrong. But the wounds are still fresh, and it doesn’t seem like they’ll heal anytime soon.
Almost an hour passes, along with 9 or 10 bottles of beer between them, when the bartender finally tells them it’s closing time. They both get out of their seats, leaving the bar and standing awkwardly outside in the cold, Y/N shivering having left the house without a coat.
“You cold?” Diego dumbly asks.
Y/N rolls her eyes. “Well done, Sherlock.”
Diego looks as if he’s about to say something in retort, but chooses not to. Instead, he silently slips off his jacket, handing it over to her, insisting she takes it before she can refuse. She does so, mumbling a quiet ‘thank you’. They continue standing outside the bar, watching the occasional car drive past, lighting them up every so often.
“I can’t go back there,” Y/N says. “Not yet anyways.”
It was a stupid thing to think that this could all be avoided. She’d eventually have to face Five properly, let him explain fully what happened during that time he was away. But she couldn’t. She doesn’t want an explanation, or an excuse. She just wants it erased from her memory. To forget about it all. To forget about Five.
Diego puts his hands in his pockets. “Yeah, I’m not in the mood to figure out that shit show tonight.”
He pauses for a beat, then briefly glances at Y/N. “There’s a motel not too far from here. We can grab a couple of rooms, take the time to get some rest, and figure all this out tomorrow.”
She doesn’t say anything, simply nodding in agreement, and following Diego to their accommodation for the night.
***
The pair arrive at the dingy looking motel, booking two rooms next to each other, and muttering quick goodnights. Y/N can feel the exhaustion taking over, as she sits down on the bed, and yet the thought of falling asleep makes her anxious. She can’t remember the last time she went to bed alone. It was always Five right by her side, comforting her if she had any nightmares. Which had become more and more frequent the past few weeks.
She tries distracting herself by turning on the tv, flicking through empty channels and purposely avoiding the news. She takes a shower, scrubbing off the physical and metaphorical grime. It helps her feel slightly better, but still she’s wide awake. She walks laps around the room, which isn’t much considering the bed takes up most of the space. And yet she still can’t sleep.
Her mind wanders to the man in the room next to hers. Is Diego having the same issues as she is? Or has he completely worn himself out to the point of passing out for the next several hours. Is it too forward if she goes over there and asks to stay with him for the night? He could end up giving her a weird look and slamming the door in her face. Or he could see a woman, sad and distressed, and know she’s just in need of someone to comfort her. The risk is worth the reward.
Y/N leaves her room, stumbling slightly over her own feet, the alcohol starting to take effect. She steadies herself, standing in front of Diego’s door and knocking. It takes a moment, but he finally opens, shirtless and hair a mess.
“What’s up?” He says, his voice gruff.
Standing in front of him now, Y/N can’t help but feel stupid. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with her problems right now, not when he’s still trying to figure out his own. The only thing on Diego’s mind is most likely Lila, and getting some much needed rest. This was a bad idea.
“Uh,” she shakes her head. “It’s nothing, no. I shouldn’t have disturbed you, I’m sorry.”
She begins to walk away, trying not to fall over, until Diego’s voice calls her name. She turns, seeing him standing half way out of his room, a sad expression on his face.
“Neither of us really wanna be alone right now,” he says, motioning slightly for her to follow him through the door.
She waits a second, unsure if this was the best idea. Now feeling as if they were both about to cross a barrier that neither of them could walk back through.
Taking the plunge, Y/N silently follows Diego into his room, closing the door behind her. She suddenly felt nervous, unsure as to why. Diego is already back in bed, getting comfortable under the covers, ready for a much needed sleep. Y/N looks at the bed, then towards the small couch, not knowing which one she’s welcome on.
“Diego…”
“It’s fine,” he rolls over, not looking at her. “You can build a pillow wall if it’ll make you feel better.”
Y/N nods, not wanting to admit how glad she was that she could sleep next to Diego tonight. She’d feel this way about anyone at the moment, right? It’s got nothing specifically to do with him. Her mind is racing, as she climbs into bed, hoping to fall into a deep slumber as quick as. She doesn’t build a pillow wall.
***
Barely an hour passes before Y/N is woken up suddenly by a sound. She sits up in bed, eyes bleary and watery, looking around the room with squinting eyes. The bathroom light is on, shining through the cracks, and Diego is no longer beside her.
She hears the sound again, a soft whimper, barely audible. It’s coming from the bathroom, and she can already guess who it is. She slowly scoots out of bed, tiptoeing on unsteady feet towards the door, knocking slightly. No answer. And the noise has stopped.
She knocks again, trying the door handle at the same time. It budges, as she gradually pulls it open. The sight was heartbreaking. Diego sits in a curled up ball in the corner, covering his face, and desperately trying to stop his heavy breathing. He doesn’t acknowledge Y/N’s presence, as she moves over to him, crouching down. She gently grabs his hands, pulling them away to see his red, tear stained face.
“I’ve lost everything,” he whispers, breaking Y/N’s heart more than it already was. “I feel like my life’s over.”
Y/N strokes his hands, trying her best to soothe him in anyway that might work.
“I have no purpose without her,” he continues. “I try saving the world, but I couldn’t save the one thing that matters the most to me. I’m useless.”
“That is not true,” Y/N finally replies, hating these thoughts running through Diego’s mind. “Her actions are not a reflection on you.”
Diego begins to protest, but Y/N quickly shuts him down. “I know how much you care. Sometimes I think you care a little too much. But that just proves how good of a husband and father you were. You did nothing wrong. It’s all on her. And Five.”
She chokes out the last part, almost forgetting about her own problems. They’re both going through this, together.
Y/N doesn’t even realise she’s now crying too, holding her hand up to her mouth to muffle the sound of her sobs. Diego reaches out, pulling her into a bone crushing hug, the pair needing comfort from each other more than anything.
She moves her head back slightly, kissing Diego on the forehead, then the cheek, then hesitating at his lips. Her mind feels fuzzy, as the alcohol in her system still lingers, jumping between the pros and cons of what she’s about to do. Diego makes the decision for her.
The kiss is soft at first, his moustache tickling her upper lip, the sensation of it weird but not unpleasant. She wraps her arms around his neck as he puts his hands on both sides of her face, deepening it into a full blown make out session. Y/N opens her mouth, allowing Diego to slip his tongue in, eliciting a quiet moan from her.
Their current position is uncomfortable, as Diego sits pressed up against the sink with Y/N crouched down in front of him. He pushes her back slightly, so they can both stand, never stopping the kiss. The room feels hot, as they walk out of the bathroom and aim for the bed, Diego sitting down on the edge with Y/N straddling his lap. She quickly removes her top and bra, drawing the man’s attention to her breasts. He moves away from her lips, traveling down until he’s eye level with her chest. He takes one in his mouth, sucking harshly, while his hand massages the other.
“Oh fuck,” Y/N sighs, throwing her head back.
She grabs his hair, pulling a fistful of it, forcing Diego to suck harder. She moves her hips back and forth on his crotch, desperately wanting to get out of the rest of her clothes.
As if reading her mind, Diego pulls back, moving them both higher up the bed, quickly removing his pants as Y/N does the same. Now completely nude, the pair become a sweaty mess of body and limbs, wrapping themselves around each other, and making sounds the other occupants in the motel can definitely hear.
Diego’s thrusts are meticulous, as he hooks one of his arms under her leg, pushing in and out, knowing all the right places to make Y/N scream out in ecstasy. He kisses her lips, her neck, her chest and her breasts, not wanting to leave out any part of her. He makes her feel wanted, admired, needed. Like he can’t breathe without her. It feels good. They carry on into the night, and early morning, for a moment all their problems don’t exist anymore.
***
Y/N wakes up first. Her head is pounding, her mouth is dry, and there’s a dull ache between her legs. She grumbles, the memories of last night rushing back to her in an instant. Some good, some bad, and some unforgettable. A small part of her is consumed with guilt, knowing what she did could be seen as hypocritical.
But as Diego’s strong arm wrapped around her waist pulls her closer to his chest, snuggling into her neck, that feeling washes away. In some selfish way, they both needed this. An eye for an eye, as most would say. It’s not going to end well, and she knows they’ll have to eventually deal with the consequences the same way Five and Lila did, but for now, the rest of the world can wait a while. Y/N turns around, moving impossibly closer to Diego, the man who made her feel wanted at a time where she didn’t think she was.
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bouquetface · 3 months
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Tarot: You vs Their Ex
Not every reading you come across will be for you. I will not try to appeal to everyone. It will be specific as I can be.
Just providing an honest read of what I see. Take it as entertainment.
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One.
There is a person in their past that was very egotistical. They were very high maintenance. Your person may have felt nothing they did was good enough for this person. It didn’t matter what they did. This person can find the fault in anything. If the ex didn’t do it themselves, it can’t be correct.
In this relationship, your person turned a blind eye for the sake of making things work. They are a committed and loyal person. The relationship failing would make them feel like they’re a failure.
What draws them to you is your intelligence. Unlike their ex, you seem to have a higher intelligence. It could be you’re highly educated, you’re street smart and/or you have high emotional intelligence. You look at both sides of a problem before making a decision. You are more clam and rational thinking.
Their ex was on the immature side. Your person had to deal with them in the same manner one handles a spoiled child. They were very demanding of your partner but had little to offer themselves. It’s not that the ex is a bad person. I feel like the ex probably struggles with being single. They don’t really know how to do a lot of life stuff themselves. They require someone else to do it for them. If they want a long lasting relationship, they have a lot of maturing to do.
I believe this ex moved on fast from the relationship. This may have initially hurt your person. When they meet you, they will be fully over it. It seems after the breakup, they took time to build themselves back up. They’re a very hardworking person. Probably focused on career and their own family.
In your relationship, it will feel freeing. Finally, two adults who act like adults. Now, they can breathe and relax. It feels like a true partnership. No one feels burdened with anything. You both support each other. Your person is willing to do anything to assure you’re safe and comfortable.
They can spoil you without feeling used. Protecting you feels like protecting a Queen. Whereas, with the ex it felt like supervising a child. You don’t drain them, you provide them with motivation and support. You take care of them too. They will feel so grateful for you. And they will make sure you can feel their love and appreciation. They seem very romantic like leaving notes, remembering your drink order, etc.
You are both deeply loyal. Your person may have prominent scorpio & leo placements. Fixed sign energy. When you pair this loyalty with the ability to communicate/problem solve, you have a forever relationship. Locked in for life. 🔒 Meanwhile, I feel like the ex, although she moved on fast, struggles to maintain a longer relationship. But she isn’t a concern in your relationship.
Two.
Your person’s ex is truly terrible. And I don’t say this to make you feel better in comparison. She did not have good intentions with your person. Your person may have some status or power in their life. She was after it.
I won’t lie she is likely very attractive. However, she needs to realize everyone’s looks fade with age. Under that mask, she has very little good to offer. She is not who she presented herself to be to your person. When they found out who she truly is, they felt trap.
When your person first tried to break it off with her. She told a lie that made her appear as “in need”. Your person would be an asshole if they didn’t stay with her. This lie will differ from reader to reader. But a strong example for one of you is, this woman lied about a pregnancy. Absolute crazy shit.
For others of you, she’d lie & manipulate until your person felt obligated to stick with her. It was a terrible situation for them. They’d like to believe her lies but her actions would prove she isn’t the one for them.
When they finally broke it off with her, I feel their friends & family were so happy. Might’ve been lowkey celebrating. They did not like this woman.
She is relentless, though. I feel even when you and your person get together, she’s stalking your accounts. Unfortunately, she probably will be gossiping - making fun of his “new girl”. I know this isn’t going to sound good. And if it were me, I know I’d feel really bad about this. However, I feel like your person is definitely worth it. There’s a reason this ex is so obsessed with him. He truly seems to have it all. Like the exact kind of person you’re manifesting. He’s a wish come true.
For him, you are the wish come true. He has all eyes on you. He’ll want to take you everywhere. You’ll likely quickly begin to share a friend group. I see lots of celebration. Might be birthdays or parties in general. You two are just having the time of your life. And I think this is part of the reason why that ex is so bitter. She’ll see all these fun & romantic photos on socials and it’ll make her FURIOUS. Mutual friends, his friends may even post something. It’ll make her very jealous because no one did that for her. Like I said before, his friends & family did not like her. But when they get to know you, they’re accepting you with open arms.
You guys could even be travelling early on. Road trip or a full vacation. There is prefect harmony between you and your person. Your fights are more teasing & create more passion. You add fuel to their fire. Unlike their draining ex, that seemed to be after them for the wrong reasons.
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navybrat817 · 1 year
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A Crown of Flowers
Pairing: Shifter!Bucky Barnes x Shifter!Female Reader Summary: You make Bucky a crown of flowers and he gets a little closer to the shifter quickly stealing his heart. Word Count: Over 2.2k Warnings: Shifters, flirting, slight possessive behavior, slight feels (it's me), Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?). Previous Part of AU: The Pull of Gravity A/N: More Wolfie and Little Red! I really need to give this AU a name. ❤️ Beta read by @whisperlullaby (thank you!), but any and all mistakes are my own. Divider by the talented @firefly-graphics! ❤️Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!
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Bucky considered himself to be a dangerous predator. A good man by nature, but vicious when the occasion called for it. Sam told him more than once that he didn’t look approachable even when he wasn’t in wolf form. A far cry from his younger years when he charmed most people around him with a smile. Life in the woods and seeing the things in both his human and shifter form changed him. He hoped for the better, even with his sometimes grumpy nature.
He was far from the predator he claimed to think he was thanks to the crown of flowers on his head.
“You look so pretty, Wolfie!” you smiled, reaching over to adjust the crown. Your eyes narrowed at the unmistakable growl that left his lips. “Oh, don’t you dare growl at me. That may work with your pack or family or whatever you call them, but not me.”
His lip lifted in a softer sort of snarl, but you remained unafraid as you tucked a lone flower behind your ear. You somehow convinced him to sit in the garden beside you and it felt nice. When was the last time he took a moment to appreciate the beauty of it? “And what are you gonna do about it? Bite me again?”
“Don’t tempt me,” you smirked, playfully snapping your teeth for good measure. “I don’t know why you have that look on your face. The crown looks nice. Steve’s wearing his with pride.”
“He’s just being nice to you,” he said.
But if we’re comparing crowns, mine is nicer and I refuse to let those words leave my mouth.
“Yeah, he’s a nice guy. That’s why he gave me your shirt,” you said, gesturing to the fabric that covered your skin.
Shifters ran warm, but it was starting to get darker and colder. You hadn’t had a chance to get the red cape of yours that you mentioned. Steve was kind enough to get you a long shirt of Bucky’s to wear, to both his and your disappointment when you covered yourself up. It was also smart on the blonde’s part not to give you one of his own shirts, as if he sensed that Bucky wouldn’t like anyone else’s scent on you.
I’m possessive and I’m fucked.
“We should probably head inside. I’m sure you’re starving,” he said, knowing if he dwelled for too long at the thought of his scent on you that he’d fuck you right there in the dirt.
Only if you wanted that.
“In a minute. I want to enjoy the view a little longer,” you said, leaning back on your hands to look up at the sky. While you took in the sight above you, he kept his eyes on you. “It’s nice here.”
“Yeah, it is,” he agreed, taking a quick look around as he inhaled the comforting smell of his surroundings. Your fragrance in the mix added something he didn’t know was missing or longing for. “It’s home.”
“Home,” you whispered, as if the taste of the word was bittersweet. No doubt a part of your story he knew you wouldn’t tell him today. “How did you two meet? You and Steve. Did you grow up together?”
“We did. He’s been my best friend since he was a runt. We’ve always looked out for each other,” he said, taking another flower to put behind your other ear. Your hand shot out to grip his wrist before he got too close. “You’re quick.”
“And strong, but not quite as strong as you are,” you smiled, releasing his wrist and tilting your head to allow him to continue. He tried his hardest not to smile at the compliment. “Must’ve been nice to grow up with a shifter friend.”
“It was, especially since we’re both wolves. My parents were shifters, too, but not having to keep it a secret from Steve made it a little easier. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.”
“Because you understood what the other was going through. You had someone to confide in and I’m sure he did the same in return. I’m also guessing you both understood the need to keep it a secret with people outside of your circle, as well as the need to protect each other,” you mused, tilting your head to gaze at him with a wistful stare. “You weren’t alone.”
Shadows clouded your eyes as he inhaled slowly, mentally noting the subtle change in your scent. He caught shifts occasionally with Steve and the others when their moods changed, but this was something different. It was as if he could taste your tears on his tongue, but you weren’t crying on the surface. At that moment, he wanted to crawl inside your mind and heart to soothe whatever pain you tried so hard to hide.
Who hurt you? Tell me so I can deal with them.
“May I ask you a question and you don’t have to answer it?”
“Okay,” you answered.
“Why did you decide to come here?” he asked.
You breathed out when you shrugged. “Besides being wildly attracted to your rugged good looks?”
“Yeah, besides that,” he smirked, taking your hand in his. Yours was soft on the top and rougher on the palm. It suited your form. Playful and endearing, but ready and willing to fight.
His was rough all over.
“I got the sense that you’re not a bad guy. And I know if I would’ve pushed hard enough to make you go your way while I went mine, you would’ve let me,” you told him, gently running your thumb along his palm. You didn’t seem to mind his calloused touch. “My instinct said I could trust you, so I came here.”
Something warm wrapped around his heart at your admission. He wondered how long it had been since you put your trust in someone else. “I’m glad you did,” he said, his voice soft. He was glad you accepted his offer.
You smiled before you dug your nails into his hand. “I don’t trust easily, Wolfie. Don’t make me regret it,” you whispered.
A whispered threat is often more terrifying than a scream.
“I won’t, Little Red,” he promised, his voice at the same level as yours as he leaned in closer. “But while we’re on the subject of things given and earned, don’t break my heart.”
He heard the air leave your lungs as you loosened your grip and laughed, a sweet, beautiful sound. “You can’t give me your heart.”
“Why not?”.
“Because you’ve known me for a day and part of that was spent killing and burying a guy. That’s not romance. That’s a murder. What love story starts with murder?”
Ours.
Bucky tilted his head like he was actually trying to think of another couple. “Technically, it started when you came into my territory. So our story actually began with you trespassing,” he smiled.
“And it continued with you stalking me. Trespassing, stalking, murder. Just a day in the life of a shifter,” you teased before your smile fell. “Even if you’re joking, why would you give your heart to me? I haven’t done anything to earn it.”
“Because I know you don’t trust easily and you still took a chance by coming here,” he replied. You chose to walk beside me. “So if you can give me your trust, why am I not allowed to give you my heart?”
“That is different!” you said, booping his nose with your finger. “I know you’re attracted to me and I suspect you don’t open up to many people either, but wanting me and wanting me are two different things.”
He brought a hand to the nape of your neck as he pressed his forehead against yours. “I can do whatever I want with my heart,” he whispered, closing his eyes when your breath touched his lips. “I just need to hear you say you won’t break it.”
A heartbeat passed before you spoke. “I won’t break your heart, Wolfie.”
Thank you.
Bucky wanted to close the gap and kiss you. It would’ve been easy to lay you down in the dirt and indulge himself in the warm haven between your thighs. But he would let you take the first step. If you were willing to trust him, he could calm his primal urges until you allowed him to unleash them.
“I think I want to play tomorrow,” you said, leaning back slightly and breaking the temporary spell he was under. “What’s there to do around here? Besides each other?”
The deep rumble in his chest only made you smirk. “Why do you keep teasing me?”
“Because it’s fun,” you said with a lift of your shoulder. “I’m not teasing you just to tease you. I very much plan to let you wreck me and I’ll happily welcome you into my mouth and pussy.”
Fuck. She’s trying to kill me.
“I may sit on your face for good measure,” you added, resting back on your hands again. You didn’t quite open your legs, but the stance was wider than before. “You strike me as someone who gets very hungry.”
Bucky ran his teeth along his bottom lip. “And you strike me as the type who’d ride my face to indulge me.”
“Oh, I would. And I’ll make you wear a flower crown while you show me what you can do with your tongue.”
Suddenly flower crowns are my favorite thing.
“I’d say it’s time to eat, but that’s maybe the wrong choice of words!” Steve called out from the other end of the garden.
Fucking punk and his fucking-
“Why are you yelling?!” Bucky shouted back as he threw up his hands. “Why don’t you walk over like a decent human being and tell us?”
“You’re yelling back at me!” Steve pointed out as your shoulders shook with laughter. “And I’m not walking over there when you two are seconds away from going at it.”
“We won’t go at it today, Steve!” you announced, giggling still as you pushed yourself up and dusted the dirt from your legs. “We’ll wait until tomorrow before we cause more havoc. I think we caused enough for today.”
He chuckled after a moment. It had been a day. “We’ll be right there, Steve,” he said, shaking his head as he watched his friend hurry away. “Punk.”
“I like him,” you said, taking his hands to pull him up. “You never answered my question. What’s there to do around here?”
“There’s a pond not too far from here that’s pretty much ours at this point. No one else really goes there,” he said, adjusting the crown so it stayed on his head.
An amused look crossed your face, but you quickly let it fade. “Maybe we can go for a swim,” you suggested before you turned on your heel. “Maybe I’ll even let you chase me.”
“You’ll let me chase you?” he asked, taking in how good you looked in his shirt. It somehow made the curves of your body more tempting than before. “Hunt you down?”
“If you’re good,” you said over your shoulder. “If I do decide you can chase me and you catch me, you can have me then and there. On one condition.”
Bucky had to will his cock not to twitch. How could he make time go faster? “What’s that?”
“Don’t laugh,” you warned as you turned back toward him. Your finger tapped against your thigh before you lifted your chin. “I want a warm blanket when I go to sleep tonight.”
He didn’t laugh at your request. He wouldn’t dream of it. But it did surprise him. It was a simple ask, but maybe it was much more significant in your eyes. “You can have my bed and the blankets on it.”
“You’re giving me your bed?” you asked, your eyes widening as he nodded. “No, I’m not making you sleep somewhere else just because I’m staying the night. We’ll share your bed. Agreed?”
“Agreed.”
“Thank you, Wolfie,” you said.
“You’re welcome, Little Red.”
You tapped your thigh again with a small smile. “Can you show me your bed before we eat?”
“Sure,” he smiled, motioning for you to go with him. There was a spring in your step as you walked beside him and he couldn’t wipe the smile from his face when he let you into his small hut. While everyone used the common area for living, they also had their own sanctuary for privacy and sleep. “This isn’t much, but-”
You darted past Bucky and launched yourself onto his bed. With a happy sigh, you rolled back and forth, your body eventually touching every inch of the mattress, blankets, and pillows. He didn’t ask what you were doing or why because he sensed your happiness.
He wasn’t about to interrupt that.
You sat up with a grin once you stopped. “Now that you have my scent all over your bed, we can eat,” you said, skipping over to grab his hand.
You’re possessive of me, too.
“I’ll give you the grand tour of the hut once we’re done,” he joked.
“Looking forward to it,” you said with complete sincerity.
Just like he was looking forward to having you around a little longer.
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What do we think? Wolfie hunting Little Red down? Love and thanks for reading! ❤️
Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi
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sophie-frm-mars · 6 months
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Hi, ex-supporter here. Genuinely hope you’re doing well. I have been tempted to start up my support again because you genuinely are a talented writer/creator and I do enjoy your work.
I hope you understand supporting your Patreon is somewhat fraught. Your private life should be none of our business, but sadly it is relevant here. Moral action, both private and political is central to your work; you have called out plenty of people for abuse & morality drives your politics. We know abuse took place on your end, but that’s all.
A lot of people like myself might be emotionally rooting for you to bounce back from this, but are unable to support you right now because that moral dissonance has not been resolved. We really don’t know if you are like other ‘cancelled’ leftist influencers and just use leftist values to deflect attention away from abuse, or you are actually trying to do better and working on yourself.
You don’t owe us anything. However, many of us who are eager to support you are forced to hold back because trust has been damaged, and there has not been any real sign of reparation or reconciliation. Maybe you think those kind of questions are invasive, maybe you don’t think we are real fans for not sticking by you despite the allegations.
I don’t know, I just want you to know that there are plenty of people who do want to support you, but feel they need to trust you first. And that can’t happen without addressing some things.
Anyways, best wishes. Take care.
Hiya, thank you for speaking to me on this.
Before I say the rest of what I say I want to be clear that between me and the people I was involved with in 2023, there were some instances where I was responsible for harm, there were instances where I received harm and there was also a general pervasive ecosystem of harmful behaviours in the community I was in. This includes people who signed the statement against me, and in one instance one of them did something which everyone to whom I have described it has agreed is sexual assault, though there is more besides.
For the time being I'm not talking publicly more about what happened because it was a very messy situation, and although I have been seriously harmed by issues in my personal life being litigated in public in this way, I don't want to give my full account of my relationships with everyone involved because I don't want that type of harm to be done to other trans women. There are plenty of complicating factors as there often are in real life that social media isn't really capable of parsing. I have made it clear repeatedly that I am open to hearing anything that people involved want to say to me, and I talked in this post in January about that and about what I would be doing to ensure that I put in the work and make sure I don't cause harm like it again
https://x.com/sophie_frm_mars/status/1745414530455261531
I think that that post says everything I would like to say for now, although I regret saying I agree that my behaviour was abusive, because with more distance and perspective I don't think abusive behaviour was actually described to me.
As I understand it via the support that my therapist and friends have offered, my problems in 2023 were that: I wasn't taking my mental health seriously, I didn't learn good kink practice, I had very little appreciation of my own boundaries and when I shouldn't be doing something that someone asks me to do, and I was high basically all the time. I am in therapy and doing DBT and taking my mental health deadly seriously, I have done a huge amount of reading assigned by my therapist about kink, sex, relationships and mental health, I am working in an ongoing way on learning how to effectively communicate, know my boundaries and understand myself well enough to not be in the kinds of situations that risk harm, and I'm no longer high all the time.
(If anyone is interested in those book recs, so far I've read: Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again by Katherine Angel; The Right To Sex by Amia Srinivasan; Screw Consent (I hate this edgy title) by Joseph Fischel; Playing Well With Others; The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren; I Hope We Choose Love by Kai Cheng Thom; The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W Hardy; and Dissociation Made Simple by Jamie Marich. There have been some others, and I've written a bit about them in the book club channel on my discord as I've been reading)
I haven't heard from the people involved. The last I heard from anyone was one of my exes calling me a pathological liar and saying that they just want to move on with their lives, so while I'm doing the work to make sure I act better in future I am just trying to get on with my life and let them get on with theirs. I hope this clarifies why I have not talked further about the situation.
I will say that the last few months have been hellish for me. I have been frequently suicidal, I spent Christmas and new years alone, I lost a tooth because I couldn't afford proper dental treatment, people from within the community I've been ostracised from have been putting pressure on my remaining friends to cut ties with me, Keffals had my abuser on her twitch stream, a bizarre exaggerated and monsterised version of my personal life has been publicly gossiped about by trans people, fash and "leftist" drama streamers alike, I have been doing other work to make sure I can still pay rent and afford my bills and my HRT, and to survive. As I've been getting more stable and more able to focus on things besides this, I've been working on new writing because all I want with regard to my work and my channel is for my writing to help people. I don't want to talk about my private life, but I do understand that some number of people will feel after what has been said about me that they can't move forward with me without hearing the full details. Lots of people in my life have repeatedly encouraged me to publish a full account of everything that happened but I know how the Internet works and I don't want other trans women to be harmed in the ways that I have been harmed.
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