#need this woman so terribly tremendously bad

[sxvika]

need this on my page just because

[suzannahnatters]

And here are my reactions to Love Like the Galaxy: episodes 13-27, in which a cdrama does some absolutely terrific things I've never seen before which make me incredibly happy. This is also beneath the cut because I got very excited!

Tremendously diverted by how little this whole entire arrow through the chest is bothering our hero, one would think he'd broken a nail

Ling Buyi: I will tear apart this whole empire and everyone in my way to find out who is smuggling imperial weapons to rebels

also Ling Buyi: I am determined that only the very deepest love will ever induce me to marry

NN scolds a whole hospital full of sacking victims into drinking their medicine because how dare they lie around in pain and trauma when their loved ones died to keep them alive and it's another writing decision I'm not very fond of

the emperor is a gossipy old woman, he's discovered the secret of Murder General's heart in two minutes of screen time, I fondly look forward to episodes' worth of behind-the-scenes matchmaking

ahaha we have entered the "Niao Niao finally gets a boyfriend, and Murder General stares at the two of them sadly from a distance" section

he's just bowing himself out so silently, without ever saying a word - because he only wants to marry for love, so if NN doesn't want him, he doesn't want her

Marry the sweet boy, Niao Niao. He's not very bright, but the only baggage he's got is from the cake shop.

oh my, Niao Niao's boyfriend is sending her terrible mother snacks in an attempt to soften her heart, what a darling

I'm dead, not only does Murder General literally have a Niao Niao Memorabilia Hoard but he leaves it in his carriage for her to see while she's being given a lift in the rain askajdalfah

Niao Niao has dinner with with her three suitors and her aunt's ex and it's every bit as wildly uncomfortable as it sounds

also the Smug Scholar is here just to cause drama and wooow these are some epic sour grapes

It's a bit jarring how cavalierly everybody at this dinner dismisses the orphan girl in the backstory. The best thing I can say is that she fails to recognise one of the emerging themes of the show, that a woman shouldn't let love consume her entire life.

Murder General's family is straight out of Shakespeare - heartrendingly mad mother, moustache-twirlingly-evil estranged father.

meanwhile, over the Jane Austen side of the plot, Niao Niao's parents break the news to her that Murder General must be hopelessly in love with her. is this the worst way to find out or what

This whole mother-daughter relationship is so real it's triggering memories of a bad family situation I was familiar with around 5-10 years ago. Just…NN's mother not trusting her an inch, wanting to micromanage her life, despite all the ways that NN has bloomed away from her. Too painfully real.

Part of the reason this story feels SO Jane Austen is the way it focuses on the small domestic dramas of families, women, and marriage, with a keen eye to humour and satire. There's Murder General's political subplot too, but it's kept compartmentalised away from the main plot.

I…I think Murder General might be a darling, actually? when he's not mowing down the emperor's enemies in an overly dramatic manner or quietly and visibly pining, he is salving his broken heart by trying to make sure NN has everything she wants in life

and this is another place where this show neatly sidesteps a common pitfall - instead of HIM decided what's good for NN and then making sure she gets it despite her own wishes, he's allowing HER to decide and then silently providing her with everything she needs to make it a success.

I'm honestly astounded that this show is managing to make the typical strong, silent, commanding male lead…actually make sense as the endgame love interest, even in the presence of someone as charming and well adjusted (and devoted to snacks!) as Luo Yao. I honestly hadn't shipped them until this stretch of the show but now I'm beginning to.

He even credits her with "suppressing the mountain bandits" when he was the one who swooped in and saved her just as she was about to lose her siege T_T I'm sorry I have something in my eye

what WHAT WHATTTTT

having been informed of General Ling's feelings by her parents, is her maid now proposing to her on his behalf???????? wild

oh………he just wanted to know her hopes and dreams

Luo Yao has learned from Niao Niao how to fight for what he wants and it makes me so happy that this show is committing to these themes because the last big cdrama I watched was all about punishing the free-spirited heroine for wanting a life of her own

I feel hopelessly confused about all this arms smuggling subplot and backstory tbh

"don't be afraid, I'm here" asjkg love a good callback

also: good for you, He Zhaojun. good for you

It was also very satisfying seeing Bad Mum and our girl getting to fight together for once, but it's clearly only a temporary case of interests aligning and not a genuine change of heart for the former. I continue to enjoy the nuanced writing here.

Smug Scholar cracks me up. every interaction he has with our girl is like: NN: you make me feel sick SS preening yes I have that effect on a lot of women

Murder General telling NN that he's convinced that whatever decision she makes will be the right one!!!! and then for the first time she breaks down saying she's tired of always being the unlucky one - she's been fighting not to show any vulnerability and she's finally showing herself - to HIM eee

again: I'm ASTONISHED the show is making me believe he's the best choice for her given the presence of darling little snack boy but it is. She hasn't shown any vulnerability to Snacks. As for Murder General, he's been bleeding vulnerability everywhere silently for 21 eps.

"Everyone talks to me about righteousness and being fully considerate. But who will be fully considerate to me?" Snacks is a sweetie and he's doing really well, but the show is doing a terrific job of showing that for all his baggage, Murder General understands & supports her far more deeply.

I was wondering how the engagement with Snacks was going to end, & I have a lot of thoughts. On one hand, I really hate that after all the stuff about the importance of being able to fight for yourself, NN convinces LY to give her up & marry a girl who's already mistreated him, for the greater good

Snacks is absolutely correct here - none of the people telling him to marry He Zhaozhang can live the rest of his life for him. While NN always does prioritise the state above family, I hate that she is now putting it above somebody else's future happiness, AFTER teaching him to fight for himself.

It feels a bit hypocritical of NN, tbh, and like it muddles the themes of the show a bit. Also, it would be one thing if Snacks marrying HZ was to avert a future catastrophe, but the He family is already heroically dead and Snacks is being asked to self-immolate on their pyre. So unfair.

That said, I'm still appreciative of a lot about this. While I don't like that Snacks is deprived of agency here, you don't often see a drama heroine making this decision, & it's done without any of the "break his heart to save him" nonsense you'd usually see at this point.

We are also shown that although Snacks is giving in to marry HZ, he still has the lessons he's learned from NN about fighting for himself & plans to use them to make his life more bearable. And NN, though kinder & more respectful than HZ, never did truly love him.

I had my money on NN being the one to bow out all along, but I wish the show wasn't trying to make a virtue out of her self-righteous statism. I would love to see NN in the future realising that being able to let LY go like this, was a sign that she didn't truly love him. I hope!

In any case, I'm glad the show leaves us with real hope that Snacks is going to be a better, happier man for having known our girl.

"no need to worry about Miss Cheng's marriage. I'll be responsible for that" the SOUND I made

A LITTLE BOYFRIEND FOR YANG YANG, YESSSS

someone needed to come along and rescue our girl from Murder General's rescue just there, 1 out of 5 stars would not ask for a rescue again

does the man have fingertips made out of Velcro

the emperor is dying to matchmake Niao Niao and Murder General and tbh I feel his frustration, we have entered the "it's been eighty-five years" section of Waiting For The Cdrama Leads To Kiss (Or At Least Confess)

ahahahahahahahahahaha Murder General just blithely announces to all the princes that on account of the cancellation of NN's previous engagement he is going to marry her now and she goes into a coughing fit, hilarious

thing is, I don't think he actually means to be domineering here, I think he reckons the entire city in general and Niao Niao in particular must know about his intentions towards her, so why beat around the bush??? it's not like it's a secret or anything?

!!!! we have a proposal?!?!?!

and her mum is like NO NO NO oh die in a fire, woman

oh wow. oh wow. it's a trainwreck. oh my goodness.

"I had no idea I was so wonderful in your eyes" screaming crying throwing up

the fact that nearly their entire courtship has had to play out in public, carried by family members and households, until finally this proposal scene happens in the royal hall itself during a banquet, is just one more of the absolutely wonderful ways this is SO Austen-esque

I'm dying for these two to have a proper conversation in private but instead they've got to checks notes attend her ex-fiance's wedding together OOOOOOHH

This scene between He Zhaojun and NN is so good. I didn't expect such growth and change for this character based on her introduction. And she's absolutely right - a marriage to someone kind and gentle is far better than to someone elegant, but cruel

The writers making this point feels pretty unusual given a very usual sort of cdrama hero. But if course murder general is, as NN points out, cruel only to his enemies. Or is she in for some surprises? WE SHALL SEE

He certainly has no chill when it comes to using his more powerful position to protect her socially lollll

He's been protecting her so often it's beginning to deprive her of agency and I'm really hoping the story doesn't overlook this in the second half.

OH YES "he's standing up for you! Are you not happy" no, no she is not I AM BLESSED

I can't believe it they're finally having a chance to talk in private and it's ALL ABOUT THIS STUFF

NN just calling him out for his thoughtless use of power

Yessssss we've moved past the point where she can fight catty girls, she's fighting him now, AHHHHHHHH. so good

"let's eat together. No need to feel awkward. I am easy to get along with" amazing "hello fellow kids" energy

OH NO HE'S TRYING TO TELL A JOKE ABORT ABORT

Murder General, who has got straight As on everything in his life to date, getting an F in Intimate Family Dinners and thinking he's done splendidly is really…amazing

I see now how NN's conflict with her mother was setting up her conflict with Murder General - both want to run their families with dictatorial military discipline, and NN, who has had more than enough of it coming from her mother, definitely doesn't want it from a husband. NN I'm barracking for you

SCREAMING

Murder General has now taken over Niao Niao's household to train them so that his beloved will be strong and ready for anything. How bad is it? it's so bad that even Perfect Cousin Yang Yang no longer wants to be an obedient female anymore

the soundtrack for this drama seriously cracks me up sometimes. Most of the time it's lush, romantic classical strings and flutes. Then, BANG - 80's guitar + synths, or…jazz clarinet????

"I'm not used to discussing everything with someone yet" aw he does want to learn better!

"You represent only oppression in my life…I don't need you to take care of me and my family so much" I cannot beLIEVE this show is letting someone say this out loud. Amazing

Cannot believe she just sent him away like that. And of course he went because he only wants someone who loves him. And I think that's the one character detail that makes this man capable of change - he doesn't know how to relate to people outside hierarchy, but he WANTS it

I really, really like that the show doesn't try to gaslight NN that she's making a fuss out of nothing - her parents encourage her to compromise the life she truly wants, but even they aren't bad enough to tell her that this IS the life she wants.

And I also love that BOTH of them are shown reflecting on where they might be going wrong and why they might be better off yielding to the other person - not just NN.

It's delightfully reminiscent of Lizzie and Darcy getting a reality check in tandem after his first proposal. SO AUSTEN.

With episode 27 I've officially finished "season 1" of Love Like the Galaxy and am right around halfway through - and this show is fulfilling my wildest dreams of cdramas justifying tropes, letting the heroine have agency, and overtly calling out the hero's unthinking use of power to control, protect, and smother the heroine. All in a sparkling Jane-Austen-flavoured comedy of manners about a little gremlin girl whose greatest strength is fighting for herself when nobody else will, and a strong, silent murder general who has resolved only to marry for ~~ LOVE ~~

It's so good, if the second half continues to be this good it'll be a solid 10 for me. MORE TO COME.

[hcfiles]

I had a realistic dream last night with Henry. In this dream, I interacted with this fantasy couple. But, I'm not describing it here, 'cause it is only significant to me and I give it an interpretation based on MY intuition and observation of the last four years. From MY point of view, the dream was clearly an attempt from my unconsciousness to deny a thought I had had hours before, when watching a post someone had made on the internet.

You believe whatever you want. But, based on the clumsy, disastrous, absurd, biased straight and idiotic strategies his PR team used, and also, on observations of his interviews (old and new), I feel sorry to say, but Henry is probably gay! At least, bi and fighting to hide it. Whoever managed this damage control, if not a woman from his team who wanted to jeopardize Henry - what makes no sense -, it was obviously, a biased straight and narrow-minded male from his team trying to avoid gay rumours about his client.

Because, the only other explanation that suits is that he took this negative reaction from his fandom too personal, was tremendously stubborn and childish, terribly oriented by his team and dealt with it on his own with the help of amateurs. Because this damage control was a disaster! And all their efforts call attention as a huge red flag. During the efforts in applying these disastrous, clumsy and unprofessional damage control strategies - which I, initially thought, could be because of Natalie's rep (But, it's not) -, the entire team job jeopardized his image, most precisely, his Character, with Natalie's help and Henry's approval, because they needed a diversion.

That tells me they think there's something much more damaging to his image, rather than his girlfriend's rep, used as a diversion that exposes him as a jerk, a hypocrite misogynist, and his PR to public execration, as a promiscuous, damaging his Character and gaslighting his fans. Because, Natalie's rep nor will for algorithms do not justify so much effort to the point his team has to clearly destroy his fandom and jeopardize his integrity. Or they do? She's not the first to have skeletons in the closet and be criticized by his fandom. So, why turn this into a circus?

Blind items, surely spread by his team, random comments planted on comment's sessions of fan pages, innumerous paid articles naming Natalie as his date, other planted, paid articles suggesting he treats female colleagues as a jerk would do, the couple's staged public appearances against bad publicity as fuel to fire.... All to build a narrative for attention and algorithms? Ridiculous! It was to sell the straight man stereotype. Why too much trouble to create such a fuss to sell a fake image of a straight man? The idea they were a couple was already planted on people's minds, but that wasn't enough.

They needed to continue illustrating the narrative, creating a future fantasy story of the couple, including a pregnancy, a fake (?) paternity and maybe, a future engagement, putting more fuel to fire to gaslight fans. And, the reason can't be Natalie's rep, only. Unless, he's so ashamed of it thinking it is so bad for his rep, that he has to create a circus to disguise what he feels about it, pretending he gives a f**k in order to defend himself from what HE expected people to think of him for that. A defence that ended up provoking exactly what he was afraid of and wanted to avoid.

His persona was built over years of exposure. But, the first time I realized the man he presented was an AVATAR and that all that straight sex appeal was staged, was in one of the first interviews the crew of TW gave on TV. Henry was clearly - and ridiculously - demonstrating a fake interest in Freya so his team could later, plant comments of his straight bachelor attraction to her and young actresses (what makes me suppose that, if straight, he prefers older women). It was totally planned, staged and he was clearly "following the lead" like a muppet. That was my first deception.

And, to cope with that, the innumerous PR stunts with wannabes and "future known" actresses (status thanks to him). He lends his image and name as escort and they help him sell the fake image of the straight bachelor. It's a "You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours" thing. And that's Natalie's job. But, it is not restricted to sell the straight man image, but also, WH project and its producer as her partner in crime.

[thenopequeen]

As the dragon descended on the village, one woman left the fleeing crowd and stepped out to meet it. No armor, no weapon, no noble steed; those were for one far above her station. And as she climbed a little outcropping of rock by the road, massive wings darkened the sky above her, and she called out a cheerful greeting

"Hello there!"

The ground shook as the four scaly limbs set down, and the huge wings folded

"And what trick is this that you try to defend yourself with now, little mortal?"

"No trick, I wouldn't even know where to start tricking a dragon. Do I look like some kind of wizard to you?"

A glowing eye surveyed her simple clothes and empty hands

"No, you most certainly do not. Are you so eager for death that you seek it out ahead of your fellows?"

"Not particularly. No desire for a fiery end or terrible teeth here, just curiosity."

A puff of smoke as the dragon snorted in amusement

"And what could pique such curiosity that you would walk out to meet your most certain end?"

"You're curious too? Well, I can tell you, but if you don't like the answer, promise you won't make anything worse than it was already going to be. I'm not going to pretend I'm important enough to make you leave entirely, but promise me that you won't be any more cruel than you were already planning to be."

"And if I am far too proud to bind myself in an oath to one such as you?"

She sat down crosslegged on the stone, leaned back on her hands, and smiled

"Then you do whatever you want, and I die, and your curiosity does whatever it wants to you. After all, if I'm crazy enough to walk out here, I'm crazy enough to hold my tongue even now."

A tremendous foreclaw dug into the stone next to her. She patted it lightly.

"Truly, you are a mad one, and the workings of your mind will be incomprehensible. Very well. I swear to demonstrate no more cruelty here than was already my intention."

"Thank you very kindly, I appreciate it. You must understand, I have a very simple reason for coming out here, actually. I am the eldest daughter of my family. Since I was old enough to hold them without dropping them, I have had the raising of the youngers, any time our parents were busy, or tired, or just couldn't be bothered. I am grown now, and so are they, but the old habits will not leave so easy as moving out of the house we grew up in. I cannot change circumstances, I cannot make things better exactly, but I can give a bit of distance, without making things worse. I was always a master of excuses, of reasons why things aren't as bad as they seem, or of cleaning up a mess before anyone got whallopped for it. And now I've made you promise not to be any worse than you were going to be, while buying everyone else in the village time to run. You can only chase them as long as you would have anyway, and now they have a headstart. And all it cost was me."

"A promise built on a lie is nothing. You came here to trick me, not satisfy your curiosity. The oath is invalid!"

She cocked her head and frowned

"Do you not understand it? I came out here to see if it would be as simple to mitigate damage with a dragon as with my mother. I had to know, I would spend the rest of my life wondering if I didn't."

The dragon rumbled out a genuine chuckle, and pushed her flat on her back with a single claw

"And have you learned, little mortal? Is your curiosity sated?"

"Oh yes, it's actually much simpler, if far more dangerous. She never needed an excuse to change up the rules if she thought I was keeping something from her. You only wanted to when you thought the promise was made insincerely. Thank you for your honest dealing, my dear dragon, it's been an honor."

[waitmyturtles]

(TW: family violence, fatphobia) (and spoilers)

Alright, as promised, thoughts on Double Savage, episodes 1 and 2!

First, cast thoughts:

Ohm Pawat: plays characters with names starting with P who have terrible fathers (although the pops in 10 Years Ticket was redeemed somewhat at the end, his historic FV towards his older son was unforgivable -- very similar to what we’re seeing here now towards Korn). 

Film Rachanun: always, ALWAYS spunky and fabulous. SHE SPARKLES.

Perth Tanapon: my first drama with him, but clearly a VERY strong actor.

These three in particular need to hold down the show and each other, because Ohm’s character, Pakorn/Korn, is the subject of abject abuse, psychological and physical, from his father, who is also the father of Perth’s character, Pawin/Win.  

You need a STRONG cast to decipher what the hell is going on with Korn and Win’s family. Korn, the older brother of the two, was born during a recession. Win was born during an economic upswing. Korn and Win’s father, a shopkeeper, blames Korn -- literally calls him a “jinx” to anyone who’s listening -- for any and all bad luck that comes to the family. Korn’s father abuses him incessantly. He kicks Korn out of the house, and Korn is shown sleeping on a bench outside the family house, often in the rain. One of his siblings will sneak him back into the house to sleep. Korn and Win’s older sister, Li, and their mother, are also shown. The mom, Li, and Win are barely able to lodge a protest to the father for his lifelong treatment of Korn. If Korn is abused, he tends to walk away, leaving his beloved mom/sister/brother in his wake. 

(Someone needs to seriously call Thailand’s version of DCFS/ACS on Korn’s dad, because WHAT. THE. FUCK.)

Before I get into Film’s character, I just want to say that I think this show is depicting interfamily trauma beautifully already (even though it’s beyond heartbreaking). The silence among the family members is deafening, and very real. I mean: Asian family patriarchy. If I were talking with a SE Asian therapist at this very moment, I wouldn’t need to go on to explain what we’re seeing. From how I watch the show from a SE Asian cultural lens: the father has had such an abusive stronghold on the ENTIRE family, that they’re all willed into silence, and are only able to show support for each other OUTSIDE of the grip and gaze of the father. I experienced this quite a bit in my childhood, and saw it in my cousins’ families where truth needed to be spoken outside of an assumed leader, and the emotional compensation that needed to take place later in our lives consumed us. 

I don’t know if this is exactly what @shortpplfedup was referring to when you said that you understood why Korn picked up the gun at the end of the episode...but to me, the lineage of this trauma leads me to understand why Korn did that. In the wake of yet another abusive episode with his father, Korn simply thought he was trying to help someone. (Poverty --> family abuse --> crime: a common pathway that is NEVER INTENTIONAL on the part of the children/offspring on the receiving end.)

So Film’s character, Rung, comes into the mix. Rung is a young woman attending Win’s school, who befriends Win and Korn. Rung asks questions about Win and Korn’s family. She calls bullshit on the superstitions surrounding Korn and his father. She states that her family doesn’t believe those stories.

I want to note that superstitions are common both by way of religion and culture across Asia. (For instance, I was advised once to not swim in the ocean during a particular time of the year, because it was a moment close to a festival regarding water spirits, and it was thought that there were ghosts in the ocean.)

We saw a tremendous amount of religious and cultural ritual in Moonlight Chicken. But superstitions, as we’re seeing here in Double Savage, affect groups/families/communities at the micro level. Parents can VERY EASILY write off children with these mechanisms. (Like I mentioned in my last DS post, I have family members that have written off their children at early ages for just about everything -- their looks, their luck, their birthdays, their supposed lack of intelligence, etc. These parents would literally call their children “fat” in front of me and apologize “for them.”) 

I see what Double Savage is doing here -- calling fucking bullshit on this practice, particularly when it’s used to judge, condemn, and abuse children. It’s common, it happens, and once more, with these amazing shows coming out of Thailand (where WERE THESE SHOWS when I was a kid), we’re seeing broad and public commentary about how negative and abusive these behaviors are.

We clearly haven’t gotten to the meat of the series yet -- the drama that will occur between Korn and Win, as Korn sinks further into a life of crime. But what I’m finding interesting right now is that between 10 Years Ticket and Double Savage — two shows starring Ohm that were directed by female directors — we’re seeing BROAD and VERY DIRECT commentary on patriarchy, and interfamily and community trauma. (This, to me, is much like how @respectthepetty​ noted that GMMTV’s Midnight Series earlier this year was constructed in part to offer critical political and social commentary.)

And at least in Double Savage, vis à vis Rung, we’re seeing VERY direct criticism of otherwise common cultural practices that ALLOW for these abusive behaviors not only to take place, but to take root and to proliferate across generations. And we’re only two episodes in! Good for you, GMMTV. [I mean -- why not throw Bad Buddy into this mix, too? Like I mentioned earlier: someone (P’Aof?) is recognizing that Ohm can really fucking handle this hardcore intergenerational material. This shit does NOT seem easy to portray, and in BBS/10YT/and now DS, he’s handling it deftly.]

Whew. Me likey. Fuck the patriarchy. Let’s see how this show continues to set up this plot.

One off-thought: the chemistry between Ohm and Perth, and Ohm/Perth/Film -- SPECTACULAR. WOW. Ohm and Perth are so clearly bros in real life. They’re clearly ad libbing a lot, and it’s a lot of fun to watch. (I wish Ohm had spent more time on camera with Off in 10YT — they could have had a similar vibe.)

Film’s character is sooooooo different from Neon in Dirty Laundry (and I can’t wait to see her in My Precious, where she’s paired again with Nanon), and she’s just so versatile and fun to watch. SWOON, I love her.

[hezenkossapologist]

I voted second, though really I need to get further in my second playthrough to really form a solid opinion and evidence base.

But so far, the differences between what Varric is like before and after, read almost like the difference between the real thing, and an AI approximation of what Varric would sound like.

I actually noticed this on my first playthrough, and joked to my friends (who had already finished the game at this point) that I wished the game “had just killed Varric” because he sounded so rote;

(My friends sent me this screenshot of them tearing their hair out at my message in their own finished-the-game chat hahaha)

And I said this specifically because it was driving me up the wall that Bianca died, we see the crossbow smashed, and Varric says NOTHING about this, does not rage against Solas for this, does not mourn, and in fact makes a comment that implies Bianca is not smashed.

This makes me feel like it is Solas puppeting Varric, but that he can’t puppet him with much finesse, only sending out a Varric-ish “programme” which when it chimes as weird or out of character to Rook, they brush off because they want so badly for Varric to be alive. Which is exactly what was happening to me as the player during the first half-ish of the game.

And Varric from my (I have an admittedly terrible memory) recollection only says shallow, shallow things- things Solas could observe and incorporate into the “programme”. Coffee and the Randy Dowager Quarterly and Rook not sleeping- nothing about his and Rook’s and Harding’s time together and journey to find Solas, which imo, if it was coming from Rook, the actual time they spent with Varric would surely be something they would incorporate into his pep speeches, because that is the context within which they actually know Varric.

This struck me as tremendously weird when I first played it, that Varric never talked to Rook about their adventures*

Now though I feel like it supports the idea that Solas is managing Varric, not Rook

It was only when I got to the middleish of the game and Varric stopped saying anything unique and just started to repeat stock phrases that I started getting over my desire for him to be alive, and started thinking about things like him not mourning Bianca, and going “this isn’t Varric, this is a sad simulacrum of him”.

At the time I was so mad at so many of the other writing decisions I put this down to bad writing (and firing the woman who wrote Varric) tho 💀 so.

(Sidenote: this is a massive missed opportunity to characterise Rook: and it doesn’t have to be Varric. You can have Harding and Rook have a conversation a la Inquisitor with Josephine where the player can fill in some details about their pre-game experiences)

i keep seeing different takes on this, referenced offhand like they’re definitely objectively what’s happening, and wanted to see what the proportions are

[septembersghost]

Thank you for the advice I really appreciate it. I feel like I’ve wasted so much time and energy this past year just counteracting some of the hate Elvis gets online by either correcting the misinformation or pointing out the flaws of other people’s faves (basically revealing their hypocrisy). Its impossible to change people’s minds so I’ve given up. I’m also a Lana fan so I kinda know how you feel in regards to this situation with Taylor because Lana is a mess lol. I remember how bad I felt about that situation at the time and I couldn’t even listen to her music. Things are better now, so I think things will eventually get better with Taylor too. I think taking a break from Taylor, as difficult as it might be, is probably for the best right now. Just for your peace of mind.

you're welcome honey, i hope it can help a little bit. <3 ugh i hear you on that wasted time and energy, and it is SO hard to try and fight for things you love, and to correct misinformation or unkindness when it's rampant and when people refuse to listen or to change their opinions. if i can be a bit mystical with you for a moment, my thing with E is this: a lot of people don't understand him, or reject truths about him and his character and heart and kindness. and that's really not our problem in the end, even though it's frustrating and hurtful to see it. elvis himself would tell us that it's bs and not to bother with it. but more than that, i have this deep feeling that the people who are meant to hear him and find him do. there's something powerful and connective and moving in his voice and in what he offered of himself that reaches us because we need it. and that is tremendous and so much more valuable than bad/incorrect opinions on the internet. he wouldn't ask us to fight battles for him. he'd only ask us to love what he gave us. the best thing we can do for him is to hold that love.

i was unaware about at least 75% of the lana stuff until the past two weeks thanks to the blonde woman (and the redo of snow on the beach) causing receipts to be pulled, and i was just 🤦🏻‍♀️ too overwhelmed to absorb or deal with any of that, but i am a much more casual lana listener and have never really checked in with her on a personal level. which, frankly, i think is often the better way to interact with art/music we enjoy. not ignorance, per se, but that separation. i would often like to know less! m*tty also seems far more intentionally harmful rather than messy or misguided, the "purpose" of what he's doing and who he aligns with has such a dark aspect (though i would defer to impacted poc and their feelings on that topic) and has hurt so many people, so taylor's tacit complicity in that while feigning "activism" is...not great. that said: I remember how bad I felt about that situation at the time and I couldn’t even listen to her music :( i'm so sorry you went through that, it's a terrible feeling, and i'm glad to know it eased and got better for you! i am still clinging to some desperate hope that will eventually happen with taylor too, at least from the standpoint of her music, if not with her directly. it's raw at this moment, i've distanced myself as much as i can on here now, and i've taken a break from listening to her (i actually haven't listened to her regularly for a while, for longer than this situation has been going on, which wasn't intentional, but now feels like it was somehow protective ahead of time? as if i was getting preemptive space so that the break would hurt less. and there's a significant part of that which has to do with E, so as you see, we come full circle here. ❤)

thank you for the reassurance and for your understanding, it means more than you know!

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

Ikemen Prince (JP)

You know what happens when you mess with my stuff, right? (Gilbert von Obsidian) Premium

Part 1 | Part 2 | Premium End | Epilogue

Where did this case come into picture? The answer is, "All of it."

Gilbert: "Hey, want to help me do something bad?"

Silvio: "Don't talk in your sleep, idiot."

I visited Silvio's guest room and was met with a cold shoulder.

I sat down beside him without hesitation as he stirred his rose wine without paying attention to me.

Gilbert: "You're a businessman, so you should at least hear me out."

Silvio: "I only do that when dealing with decent guys."

Gilbert: "You're also a navigator, so you like to take high risks, yes?"

(There's no way he'd miss out on a money-making opportunity like this.)

I put the small box I had prepared beforehand on the table, and Silvio, with a wary look on his face, put down his glass and opened the box with one hand.

Silvio: "You, this..."

Gilbert: "This rare ore is produced in small quantities, and there is probably no better pure ore in the world than this."

Silvio: "Idiot! Don't take this precious thing out of your pocket so easily."

Gilbert: "It's just a rock, but to those who know its value, it's a tremendous treasure."

Gilbert: "SO...?"

Silvio: "Fine. What's it about?"

(The look in his eyes changed.)

Chuckling inwardly, I leaned back deeply against the sofa.

Gilbert: "You know that dog that's always hanging around Miss bunny?"

Silvio: "Yeah, that damn dog?"

Gilbert: "Yes. I just need you to separate him from his owner tomorrow."

Silvio: "That's it?"

Gilbert: "Yeah, that's it."

Miss bunny will attend her friend's tea party tomorrow.

(She's so excited about it. She doesn't realize she's being taken advantage of.)

The people who are planning to approach Miss bunny are those who are aware I'm close with her.

As for her lady friend, I've already done my research on her. If this is a black-and-white situation, she's definitely in the black.

Also, it looks like the father, rather than the daughter, has made several attempts to contact Obsidian. And this is probably part of that.

(They're thinking like a simpleton, taking Miss bunny as a hostage in a tea party just to negotiate with me.)

(Well, I'm about to see something interesting, so I won't miss it.)

Silvio: "You're asking me to assassinate about 100 VIPs here."

Gilbert: "Oh no, assassination is Obsidian's specialty. We don't outsource assassinations."

Silvio: "I don't think you should be so proud of yourself."

Silvio: "How much money are you paying me to harass that woman?"

Gilbert: "I'm willing to pay as much as I can for the little rabbit."

Silvio: "What do you want with that woman anyway?"

Silvio seemed to have a strange hunch, perhaps because the price was indeed too much.

Silvio: "Everything you do is harass her. Do you have something against her?"

Gilbert: "It's terrible to call my expression of affection harassment."

Silvio: "Answer me seriously."

Gilbert: "I don't have any grudges. If there were, the little rabbit would already be dead."

Silvio: "Then what do you really want?"

("What," you ask?)

Of course, I have a clear purpose, but I'm not going to reveal it foolishly and honestly.

Gilbert: "Do you know what my nickname is?"

Silvio: "Fucking eye patch, the world's nastiest calamity, the ever-victorious marshal, and the overrun."

Gilbert: "Yes, it's overrun."

(I'll pretend I didn't hear about the fucking eye patch.)

Gilbert: "I've trampled and ruled so much that people started calling me the Overrun Beast."

Gilbert: "Even in Rhodolite, what I do is the same."

Silvio: "Ha! Even I feel sorry for that woman."

Gilbert: "Fufu, me too."

Silvio: "Don't say it yourself."

I smiled back at Silvio, who looked a little reluctant and got up from the couch.

(Now I'm ready to go.)

(After tomorrow, Miss bunny won't be able to trust anyone anymore.)

(She's going to be betrayed and sold out by her dearest friend.)

Gilbert: "I'm looking forward to it."

(...............)

(How did this happen?)

------------Flashback-----------

The plan must have worked.

A short time after Miss Bunny had left for the library, I couldn't help but laugh when her lady friend called me over, looking guilty and paler than the last time I saw her.

(If you’re going to feel guilty, you shouldn’t have done it in the first place.)

I believed her obvious lie that “Emma wants to see me” and went to the warehouse.

What was waiting for me inside were the Count, Miss bunny, and a few mercenaries.

When I noticed the house looked more like a hideout for ruffians than a nobleman’s mansion, I laughed again.

Gilbert: “Geez. If you’re going to negotiate with me, you need to have at least three times these mercenaries on hand.”

The Count and even the mercenaries were put off by the slightest hint of murderous intent.

Rather than hiring veteran mercenaries, it looked like he just hired some thugs in the city.

(They could stay, but it doesn’t make me feel good. I guess it wouldn’t matter as long as only the bare minimum of actors is present.)

Except for the Count and her daughter, I cut down all the peace-loving people with the sword I picked up.

Needless to say, I was disgusted that they couldn’t even use a hostage properly, even though they had a defenseless little rabbit.

Gilbert: “For now, I’ll just listen to what you have to say before Miss Bunny wakes up. So, go ahead.”

Eventually, Miss bunny woke up, and when she learned that her friend had betrayed her, her face contorted in despair.

Her friend affected by my murderous intent also chose to abandon Emma without saving her.

(Everything should’ve been fine.)

---------Flashback Ends---------

Emma: “Lady Louise?”

With our lips almost touching, the door to the guest room swung open just in time to reveal her lady friend with a sword in her hand.

She gripped it shakily, probably thinking Miss bunny, sitting on the villain’s lap (me), was under attack.

Louise: "Please let go of Lady Emma!"

Gilbert: "That's a funny thing to say. You betrayed her, remember?"

Gilbert: "It's all your fault that we're in this situation."

Acting like a good person now won't make the fact that you sold out your friend.

I hate these people so much I want to kill them.

(It's not unusual, though, because aristocrats are all "self-absorbed" people like this.)

Louise: "I know I'm just a lowly person who approached Lady Emma on my father's orders."

Louise: "But she still considered me her friend."

Louise: "She said that I'm her friend."

(.............)

------------Flashback-----------

???: "Listen, Gil. I'm on your side no matter what."

???: "I promise. I won't leave you alone. Okay?"

---------Flashback Ends---------

(Disgusting.)

Emma: "Lady Louise."

Louise: "I'm sorry for being selfish. But I don't want to hurt you anymore!"

Louise: "It was not you who disrespected Prince Gilbert. It was me!"

Louise: "So please punish me."

Gilbert: "Hmm? Then back to my original plan."

Emma: "No! Please don't touch Lady Louise!"

Louise: "Lady Emma! I'm fine, don't cover for me!"

Emma: "I'll be fine. Just run away!"

Louise: "I won't run away, I promise!"

Emma: "Lady Louise!"

Gilbert: "..............."

(Ah, the farce has begun.)

(What am I going to do now?)

I was ready to comfort Miss Bunny, who had been betrayed by her friend. However, if this happened, everything would be ruined.

(This lady is definitely an aristocrat. She saved herself and sold out her friend.)

(And yet I showed her blood in front of her eyes and soaked her to death.)

If the beauty of Emma’s heart moved her, then this “Belle” is more troublesome than I thought.

(I overrun my enemies with malice, but Miss Bunny is the exact opposite.)

(If instead of dyeing white into black, she dyes black into white, then she's not a good match for me.)

(She might be my natural enemy.)

Both Miss Bunny and the lady have regained their normal complexion.

Even if they may suffer a terrible fate, they probably think it would be "better" for them.

(I'm a bit frustrated.)

I sighed and admitted defeat as the desire to kill was gone, and the "anger" receded like the tide.

Gilbert: "Let's go home, Miss Bunny. I hope you had a good time at the tea party."

Emma: "Okay."

Miss Bunny's blatantly relieved look stuck in my mind.

Gilbert: "We're here, Miss Bunny."

Emma: "Mnn..."

(She's not getting up at all.)

She fell asleep in the carriage, perhaps due to tension, and showed no sign of waking up even after I carried her to her room.

She didn't open her eyes and only grunted when I put her on the bed.

(Speaking of which...)

------------Flashback-----------

Gilbert: "It doesn't matter if it's in front of a prince or a servant. If I ask for it, you'll kiss me."

Gilbert: "I’d say that's a good enough balance."

Emma: "............."

Gilbert: "What do you say?"

---------Flashback Ends---------

(I didn't get a kiss because we got interrupted.)

(If that promise had been kept, all sorts of interesting things would've happened.)

I pressed my finger to her lips.

(But I'm a big bad guy.)

I put my hand on the side of the defenseless little rabbit and put my face close to hers.

(I'm not going to kiss you now, though, because it won't mean anything.)

I brought our ears closer together, not our lips.

Emma: *grumbling*

Gilbert: "Ah, I knew it."

(I thought she was saying something earlier, but一)

She looked like she was having nightmares, judging from her whispering and groaning.

(No matter how much she thinks she's okay, dreams do not lie.)

There was no way that today's events wouldn't have left a scar on Miss Bunny's heart.

Even if their friendship was restored in the end, the fact that her friend betrayed her will never go away.

Gilbert: "But that still won't stop you from believing in people, will it?"

(You're an idiot, you know that?)

Gilbert: "You're kind, so I'm sure people will continue to hurt you."

Gilbert: "I wonder if you would make the same choices if you were betrayed and hurt repeatedly."

(It's easy to dye white to black, but difficult to dye black to white)

(I wonder how many more times you can endure it.)

(................)

For some reason, I'm irritated.

I'm frustrated.

Emma: "Mnn...huh?"

Emma: "................"

Emma: "!?"

Gilbert: "Ah..."

When the little rabbit woke up, she was startled by the proximity of our faces.

After blinking a few times, she blushed and pulled up the sheets to hide.

Gilbert: "Fufu, what did you imagine?"

Emma: "No! Nothing!"

(This is the kind of reaction that makes me want to tease her.)

(Poor thing. I wonder if there's anyone who can protect her from me.)

I lay down next to Miss Bunny and stared at her, her face appearing to be scared.

Emma: "You didn't do anything, did you?"

Gilbert: "Who knows?"

Emma: "What did you do?"

Gilbert: "Fufu..."

(I got it wrong.)

I pursed my lips and smiled as I always do.

(Sorry, I'm in a bad mood right now.)

She repainted black as white and believed in her friend even though she betrayed her. But the truth was she was so wounded and having nightmares but refused to show even the slightest sign of it.

(So...)

Gilbert: "Shall I remind you?"

❣ Epilogue

[andraxicated]

Lovers of the Empress | prologue

Chapter pairings: itto, dottore x f! reader

Series synopsis: Born and bred to be empress, your clan has sent many women to the royal court but never the most coveted position out of them all. Thanks to your schematic family, the moment you came to this world was when the first empress has been rid of, presenting the fate of a mere newborn. Try to adjust to your life in the throne as your heart is shaken by the men who came to your life, one after another. Either as a passerby, a lesson or perhaps true love.

Tags: mentions of assassination | fluff

wc: 1.3k words Taglist: @strverry@crstilia@ayatoistt@mnemosyneechan@elysiasbei@junephantom21@kaitlinxyna@apr1cityyy@venti-cecilia@a0ruu@jackysenpaii@loveyasaraa@poweredbyghostadventures@noisyghostranchthing@traumamakesmefunnier@nxjttmr@asteller@earthernal@ultra-ummmm-blr

a/n: i hope i was able to tag everyone :(( as of 08/17/22 please go to the series masterlist for the taglist request thank you!

series masterlist

The dogs cower with their ears against their head, the servants are frantic, the sisters of the church are on their knees, and a man who just sinned was ironically praying. Posh slacks against the carpet, hand clasped tightly around the other, and his eyes shut so hard that they creased. Almost slamming his head against the floor like a madman as he fights the wrath of the rain and the thunder.

*crack*

He flinches when a loud, blinding thunder flashes right at him. He thought it was going to go through the window and strike him into ashes. But before that happens…he wishes to see the end of the labor.

Shortly following the rumble of thunder amidst the bullets of rain was a woman screaming so loud that it invokes fear and worry in all living in the mansion. Another scream and cries were heard that it was torture to even be on the same floor as the madam. She was pushing for hours already and she had a weak body, the midwife was also anxious when relaying what was happening inside to the men of the house.

“At this rate, I’m afraid the worse is to happen…” “What do you mean?! Make a miracle! A miracle!”

That brat inside her womb refuses to come out, inflicting tremendous pain to the mother. Reynold thinks he’s going to die of anxiety and a heart attack before the moon even rises, but can they even see the moon? The clouds were so thick and dark that you can’t differ if it was afternoon or night, the heavy rain’s omen adding weight to his thoughts.

Then a man with heavy steps comes into the picture, Reynold’s head turning to see the mask and running to the person, slapping the face in a fit of anger. “What is it?! Good news or bad news?!” “Both”

Reynold presses his temple for stimulation. There has been no good news ever since they woke up to the cries of his sister-in-law. He needs something to take the weight off his heart. “Good news first” He queries.

“It has been done. I checked everything thoroughly and a maid reported already reported. The empress’ palace is in a ruckus, word has reached the emperor by now.” Reynold nods to what the hitman speaks, a smile creeping up his cheeks. But wait…didn’t he send two people? Why did only one return?

“Where’s your partner? I sent two, didn’t I?” He asks the masked man and his eyes widen as a flash of fear passes by. His gulp was visible through the black fabric, his breathing labored, and his hands clammy. The hitman did not know how to answer.

“What?”

“…My lord. That one is dead.”

Reynold felt like fainting from the drop in his heart, his ears ringing from the terribly bad news. A trace was left…they’re going to catch up…this house is done for! “Did anyone attack you? What happened?!”

It’s a horror to repeat what happened earlier to the man. He cannot say it through words…it’s inhumane. “I-I don’t know what happened. I think a monster entered the room and after I dealt the finishing blow to the empress…my partner was all ripped up. Like shredded sausage! It’s crazy! It’s crazy! Oh god those eyes! It’s following me! AGHHH! Don’t do this to me!”

Reynold and everyone on the same floor stagger backward from the insane display of the previously cool hitman. He started to try ripping his hair, swatting invisible bugs, and scratching himself until he bled. Crying and crying for him to not be taken, battling the yells of the woman behind the door.

“Guards! Take him!” Lord Reynold had no choice but to instruct that from the fear of what happened to the man. They took him with arms on both sides while he was hysterical, the heart of the perpetrator pounding loudly against his chest. Whatever happened there…it’s cased closed. No one shall speak of it anymore.

The house finally went quiet as there was no more nuisance, but previously closed eyes fly open when the realization struck him. The woman went quiet. He didn’t know whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. But from the face of the servant who came out the door to call him, something disastrous certainly happened.

It was fine with him if they took the lady, she was not his wife anyway. And it would grant him the utmost power in the family if that happened, but if the child were to be lost…Then everything would be all for naught. So, the sinful man chanted his prayers inside his head, sending them to whoever will listen.

The people inside the room were divided into two groups. One on the left with the large bed and the right side where they were cooing and shushing a beginning cry. Reynold went first to the woman losing life on the bed, the pretty face of the lady withering by the minute. He clasps her hand and her weak sight focuses on her last thread of hope, even if she doubts it in her heart.

“Her place…is up there. You told me.” Those words were forced with every ounce of strength she can get. Upon hearing those words, everyone who genuinely cared for her sobbed by her side. It was the only thing they can do. “Take care of (y/n). While I join my husband now.” The lady of the house closes her eyes and the weeping overtakes the gentle rain, a peek of the moonlight shining on her dead blooming face.

“(y/n), (y/n).” Reynold repeats until he familiarizes his niece’s name. The servants make way for him to see the baby crying and kicking on the cradle. You were so cute, so beautiful, so perfect. He took you in his arms despite the protests and attempted to rock you even though your discomfort just got worse.

He started roaring and professed your fate.

“THIS. IS THE FUTURE EMPRESS.” He spun you around and the midwife clenched her heart in pain. “(Y/N) (L/N) OR…(Y/N) ALBERICH.” He laughed crazily; the surname of the royal family attached to his niece made him feel things.

“BOW DOWN TO HER MAJESTY.” And all the men who vie for power, all the men invited to witness the birth of the empress, everyone who is on your side, bow down their heads to the younger you.

Little feet run happily on the grass as you attempt to catch your awfully taller playmate. Eyes zeroed on running after him, your breathing shortened but determination overpowers as you scream like a boy. Those fun screams turn into high-pitched genuine ones when someone grabs the collar of your dress to pull you back and choke.

Turning around and the hand lets you go. You see the face of your all-time bully and your mood turns sour, the white-haired boy at the back stops from the chase and runs back to help you against the older boy.

“Dottore! What was that?” You demand an answer despite his intimidating taller figure against yours. Just because he grew up with you, he thinks he’s able to order you around.

“You’re the future empress. Why are you playing with that illiterate peasant?”

What peasant? Oh. You look over to Itto who’s almost the same height as Dottore, you wished he grew up faster so he can fight back. Your ‘cousin’ was always like this, berating you and him every time you go around to play. Maybe it’s because he’s jealous he can’t join.

“It’s because we’re free to do what we want. Unlike you who’s getting shipped off somewhere.” You retort that strikes a chord in the older boy.

Dottore sighs, you were the constant cause of his headache. “(y/n). Let’s go now. Master will get angry-“ “Shut up! You’re adopted! You don’t get to tell me anything!” “Why you!—” He didn’t get to finish what he said as you started running and crying like you always do. This was the same scene every time he fetched you to cut off playtime.

And the same words falling from your mouth that wouldn’t do anything. Shrill shrieks rattle the estate as the most important child throws a tantrum once again.

“I! DON’T WANT TO BE EMPRESS!”

[greenflower21]

His Light Faded

@obiwhat 's birthday is today! So here's a little story (keep an eye out for art by @misstinfoilhat to go with it ❤️) Happy birthday my friend, I hope you have the best day!

Erwin stared at Levi admirably as they trudged through the gates, suspicious glares from the civilians framing their entry. The gold of the fading sunlight lit up Levi’s face, a hazy ring picking up dust motes from the street. Despite the blood, and dirt and sweat spotting his face, he was still shining, glowing…They had begun to call him “humanity’s strongest,” but Levi was more than human. Here where he waltzed through the gate with his eyes downcast, a halo of sun crowning his head, Levi was utterly divine.

He pointedly avoided the stares of the citizens, accusation thick in the stance of their feet, resentment glistening in their grey eyes, and fear lingering beneath the veil of it all. Erwin shuddered as an old woman made eye-contact with him, grey rings of sorrow and anger. He was not sure who she had lost today, or perhaps a long time ago- there was no hope in that glare, a sense of ease that only came with routine loss. Yes, she had indeed lost someone, and it had been Erwin’s fault; he could see it in the venom of her storm-grey eyes. Levi had been smart, to keep his eyes downcast, and it was too late for Erwin to do the same.

So he carried his shame atop his shoulders as they rode to the barracks, and did not avoid the sorrow and the venom and the anger that each set of grey eyes bore for him.

As far as expeditions went, the casualty count for this particular one wasn’t as terrible as it might have been otherwise. And as usual, that was because of Levi. Erwin hadn’t seen him still for even a second. He was a blur of silver that never ceased, and never-ending chorus of steel that rang through the sky so quickly that the scouts couldn’t even glimpse him before he had already gone on to fell the next titan.

And now, that he had finally stopped spinning through the air on his silver wings, he sat very still on his horse, his eyes downcast, head bent forward, almost as if he were asleep.

But he wasn’t asleep, because when they finally reached the barracks, he clambered off his horse with the rest of them, just as weary, just as human.

His stance was heavy, shoulders bowed toward the earth, and he was limping. Erwin had been so in awe of his heroic wonder beneath the setting sun at the city gates, that he didn’t notice that the glow on Levi’s face was mostly formed of sweat, and perhaps he had averted his eyes from the onlookers, not as a deliberate choice, but because he didn’t have the strength to hold up his head…

Erwin saw him stumble, and in an instant he was by Levi’s side, ready to catch him. But he righted himself before he fell and gave Erwin a sharp glare. But behind those daggers was obvious pain, masked and veiled, but not entirely hidden from Erwin’s observant eyes.

“Are you hurt Levi?” he asked, as gently as he could, still wary of the sharpness of the glare.

The steel exterior fell away, and Levi’s shoulders seemed to melt downward as he sighed. “Yeah, I think I did something to my leg.” Then, with tremendous effort, he lifted his eyes up to meet Erwin’s. “But it’s not too bad, there are others hurt worse, I just need to sit down for a few minutes and I’ll be fine-”

“Levi,” Erwin interrupted his protestations. “Go get it seen to, immediately. No injury should be overlooked.” He didn’t blink, daring Levi to challenge the veiled order with his stare.

And it worked, because Levi averted his eyes downward with a sharp tug and mumbled something as he limped away toward the infirmary.

Part of him was relieved that Erwin told him to go. That way, he could pass it off as an order, rather than his own pathetic weakness in succumbing to the pain. Usually, if he got hurt during a mission, he would try to keep it as subtle as possible until long enough had passed that he could sneak away for medical attention after the post expedition influx of injured had died down. He hated the way people looked at him with pity in their eyes, hated the way their stares made sweat bead on the back of his neck, the way his limbs would shake. And that strategy had worked, until now.

This was different. This pain was so intense that he was having a difficult time ignoring it, an even harder time hiding it. His plan was to sneak off to his room and curl up in a ball in the corner with some ice until a safe amount of time had passed. But that plan had obviously failed. Now he stood in line with the rest of the wounded, shaking and sweating, relieved that they were too distracted by their own hurts to pay much attention to Levi.  

The throbbing in his ankle seemed to get worse every second he stood there. It seemed like hours later when they finally called him in. By then the pain had gotten so bad he thought he might be sick.

He swallowed back the nausea and limped inside.

They ended up having to cut off his boot because his ankle was so swollen that it wouldn’t come off by itself. He tried not to yelp when the medic prodded at it with their freezing cold hands, just that single touch enough to send daggers of pain shooting up his whole leg.

It was broken, apparently, and they would need to set it. They said some garbled medical terms that Levi didn’t understand and held him back with a belt in his mouth while they pulled the mangled bone back into its proper place. He didn’t dare scream, but he writhed in the medic’s arms and leaned to the side to be sick as soon as it was over. Stitching the wound closed felt like nothing compared to the setting of the bone, unless his consciousness was just slipping so much that he couldn’t feel it anymore.

They finally sent him away with strict instructions to try to stay off his feet for as long as possible. Something about the bone being fragile and susceptible to breaking again if it didn’t heal properly…he didn’t remember the specifics. By then he was already limping away, desperate for shelter from their prying eyes.

Erwin was in the midst of signing death notices in his office when he heard the door creak open. He looked up to see Levi hobble over to the sofa and sink down with an involuntary sigh.

His first thought was that Levi looked tired. The shadows under his eyes were deep and dark, cutting sharp lines across his face even more than usual. There was a stoop in his shoulders that betrayed the deep exhaustion that must be catching up with him now. He no longer looked golden and glowing like he had in the light of the sunset beneath the city gates, but haggard and gray, a poignant and concerning contrast.

Erwin was about to tell him to go straight to bed, but Levi spoke first, interrupting the unformed order.

“Give me some of those, can’t have you doing them all by yourself,” his voice cracked slightly at the end of the sentence, and Erwin noticed the subtlest twitch in his shoulders.

“Levi…” Erwin began, unsure how to tell him that he looked awful, but then Levi looked at him with longing, grey eyes watery, and almost desperate. So Erwin succumbed, and brought him a pile of documents and a pen. “Just know you don’t have to, and if you can’t finish them, it’s okay. It’s been a long day.”

Levi just nodded, pointedly avoiding Erwin’s eyes and immediately bending over the paperwork.

Erwin became so engrossed in his own work that nearly half an hour went by before he even looked up. Unsurprisingly, Levi was leaned back into the cushions, paperwork forgotten on the ground where it had slipped from his hand, fast asleep. Erwin couldn’t help smiling at the scene, at the way Levi’s mouth curled downwards in a permanent frown, chest rising and falling shallowly, utterly at peace, an acute contrast to his state of being in wakefulness.

Careful not to wake him, Erwin tiptoed over and gently lifted his legs up onto the sofa so he could be more comfortable. He observed the thick bandages wrapped around Levi’s injured leg, frowning slightly as he propped it up on the cushions, being mindful not to jostle it. He draped a blanket over his sleeping form and picked up the fallen paperwork to finish it himself.

Levi had barely filled out half the first page on the stack before he must have fallen asleep. Erwin shook his head and worked through it mechanically, eventually finishing most of the stack before looking up and checking on Levi, still fast asleep.

Erwin could feel the exhaustion of the day sinking his shoulders down. He gazed regretfully at the stack of paperwork that he still had to work through, but a long yawn convinced him that maybe it was time to give up for tonight.

He gently shook Levi awake. He still wasn’t fully conscious and leaned heavily into Erwin as they made their way into his quarters. Erwin had to work hard to coax him out of his clothes and into something more comfortable. He was clearly too out of it to make the trip to his own room, so Erwin’s overlarge sleep-shirt would have to suffice for now.

By the time Erwin had settled onto the mattress beside him, he was so tired that his eyes closed of their own accord. Levi’s soft breathing lulled him into a heavy and dreamless sleep.  

Levi wasn’t sure how to describe the strange restless feeling that gripped him as soon as Erwin had roused him from his involuntary nap on the sofa. He would have been embarrassed under normal circumstances, but he was so exhausted, that he couldn’t focus on anything but the overwhelming desire to lay back down and sleep for a thousand years. And he thought he would, once he was wrapped up under the covers, with Erwin snoring gently beside him. But despite his eyes shutting tight, some part of his consciousness drifted too close to the surface of awareness. And he was so, so cold. He tossed and turned, trying everything from shifting closer to Erwin, to wrapping the blankets tighter, and curling in on himself, but nothing helped. He shivered nonstop, his leg throbbing in harmony with the tremors in his body, eventually succumbing to a restless stupor only when he could hear the birds starting up their dawn chorus outside.

Levi was still asleep when Erwin woke. He had taken most of the blankets over to his side, leaving half of Erwin’s body exposed to the chilly room. Despite the thick blankets completely smoldering him though, Levi was still shaking.

Frowning slightly in concern, Erwin slid out of bed and trundled over to Levi’s side. He debated waking him, but decided against it, noticing how pale he looked, and how his breath hitched in pain as he shivered.

He let Levi rest some more while he got dressed, periodically glancing back at him, his worry increasing more every second. It was very unlike him to sleep this much, even after a tough expedition. And he was hurt too. He made a mental note to ask Levi what the medic’s advice had been about his leg when he woke.

Levi started to stir by the time Erwin was finished fastening his gear straps. He opened one eye lazily and groaned, pulling the blankets over his head, still shivering.

Erwin frowned again and knelt down by the side of the bed. “Hey, I’m worried about you, what’s wrong?”

“’m cold,” Levi moaned quietly, still not emerging from under the covers.

Erwin raised himself up to sit on the edge of the bed. He gently peeled the covers back so he could see Levi’s face. He was even more pale up close, the faintest sheen of sweat breaking out over his brow and tinging his skin gray.

Erwin laid the back of his hand over Levi’s forehead, sickly heat greeting his skin on impact.

“Levi…” Erwin began, stroking his hair off his face tenderly, noticing how Levi kept his eyes shut tight against the light streaming through the window. “Levi, what did the medic say about your leg?”

Levi whimpered and burrowed further under the blankets before answering. “Ankle’s broken. They fixed it though, said I need to take it easy, something about it being vulnerable to breaking again if I’m not careful…”

“Nothing about possibility of infection setting in?” Erwin inquired, continuing to run his fingers across Levi’s forehead, as if his hands could somehow brush away the fever.

“…don’t think so…” Levi muttered, his eyelids fluttering closed. “Erwin…?”

“Yes Levi?”

“I don’t feel good….”

“I know Levi,” Erwin replied, “That’s why I want you to stay in bed today, okay?”

“Okay…” he whispered, his breathing slowing down, eventually signaling that he was asleep again.

Erwin called a medic in just to check and make sure that there was nothing wrong with his leg that was causing the fever, but they just told him that it was likely from exhaustion. There was no sign of infection, so he should just try to rest for a few days, then stay on desk duty until his leg had healed enough.

When the medic left, Erwin sat on the side of the bed once more, mopping Levi’s brow with a cold rag. You just rest now Levi, I’ll take good care of you, and then you’ll feel better. He smiled, despite the circumstances, glad for a chance to see Levi’s face devoid of pain or toil.

[flosbelova]

I’ll Always Protect You

florence pugh x fem!reader

warnings: mention of death threats.

word count: 1.7k

summary: you and florence had been dating for a while. when she posts you on her Instagram, you receive a bunch of hate comments and florence defends you and your relationship.

request from @the-loving-quotes​

Dating Florence Pugh has been one of the greatest decisions you have ever made in your life. You both have managed to keep your relationship lowkey until she randomly posts you on her Instagram. It was a photo of you looking at this mountain view at sunset from the balcony. She captioned it “My happy place.” 

Your heart started to race as soon as you saw a photo of yourself on her Instagram-- and the fact that she tagged you almost made you pass out.

You looked through her comments and let’s just say most of it wasn't what you would have expected. Some were positive-- for example, there were comments that read:

“OH MY GOSH IT CONFIRMED! I'M SO HAPPY”

“I’m so proud of you <3”

“You guys are the absolute cutest!”

Then, there were comments that weren’t so positive. It was a mixture of homophobic comments and comments that said “Florence deserves better.”

Of course, they hurt, but you didn’t mind at first and chose to focus on the more positive comments. 

-

A couple days pass and you also decide to post Florence on your Instagram. As you hit “post,” your phone instantly started buzzing with notifications. Again, the comments were all a mixture of the positives and the negatives. However, you wanted to focus on the positive side and ignored the comments.

-

You posted Florence on your Instagram story, and you received a lot of DM’s. Although you don’t open your DM’s, you decided to check just for the hell of it. As soon as you swiped to your message requests, you instantly regretted swiping. 

“Kill yourself. You don’t deserve Florence.”

Tears started to well up in your eyes, but you quickly wiped them away when you heard Florence come into the living room.

“Dinner’s ready, darling,” she says, holding a wooden spoon.

“Hm? Oh, right. I’ll be there in a sec,” you respond.

“Is everything alright, love?” she walks towards you with a concerned look on her face.

You take a deep breath. “Yes, everything’s fine.” You clench your jaw hoping Florence would drop the subject.

She pouts and looks at you with worry. Florence knows every little detail about you. She knows that nothing is ever “fine,” when it follows with you clenching your jaw. However, Florence doesn’t like to overstep on your boundaries, so she drops the subject and figures she’ll ask you later. 

“Alright, love. C’mon, let's eat. I’ve made your favorite,” she says, giving you a soft smile.

-

You loved Florence’s cooking and you always made sure to compliment her dishes whenever she cooked. However, tonight was quiet. The two of you sat in silence, quietly eating your dinner. 

You were grateful that Florence knew to get off your back whenever you were in a mood. That’s one of the things that you appreciated most about her, her ability to understand your emotions and how you cope with them. 

You knew that she would eventually ask you what happened as you have both communicated that suffering in silence wasn’t healthy.

You finished dinner early and asked yourself to be excused. You headed to bed as soon as you finished your meal. Florence stayed in the kitchen to tidy up and to give you some more space.

-

Laying on your side, you couldn’t help but to grab your phone and scroll through your notifications. As hurt as you were already, you were too stubborn to gain some self-control. As terrible as that message was, your comment section got even worse. Not only was it filled with homophobic comments, but you were also getting sent death threats. You had checked Florence’s account and pressed on your photo. You noticed that she turned off the comments.

You felt the bed behind you dip as an arm wrapped around your torso.

“Hi,” Florence whispers, and she rests her chin on your shoulder.

“Hi,” you weakly respond. You sigh as you turn your phone off and place it on the bedside table. You turn around in Florence’s arm and face her.

Florence gave you a worried smile and she wiped the tears on your face. You were so busy scrolling through the hate comments that you hadn’t noticed that tears were falling from your eyes.

“Oh, my love.” Florence places a gentle kiss on your forehead. She then looks at you with worry in her eyes. Florence couldn’t imagine what was going through your mind.

“I know you saw the comments,” she begins, “I saw them too. As soon as I saw the hate comments, I immediately turned them off.”

You sniffled and took a deep breath. “I got death threats,” you say, your voice breaking.

“What?” Florence says, appalled. Florence could feel her heart race and feel herself be filled with rage.

“That’s it, I’m making a post, this is unbelievable,” Florence says getting up to get her phone.

“No, please, you don’t have to,” you plead, “it’ll only make things worse.”

“No it won’t, Y/n, I promise you,” Florence says, already typing in her notes.

“You can’t promise me something that you have no control over,” you say coldly.

Florence pauses. She looks over at you, takes a deep breath and pouts. She stares at you for a while, studying your face. Florence is the type of person to defend the people she loves and doesn’t care if it will give her a bad rep. You just so happen to be one of the people that Florence loves, and she will do whatever it takes to defend you and her love for you.

“It doesn’t matter, what matters is that someone I love is being sent death threats, so please, let me say something,” she says, reaching for your hand.

“I really don’t deserve you,” you sigh.

“You do Y/n, you deserve every bit of me as much as I deserve every bit of you,” Florence says, caressing your cheek. 

-

A few days passed and Florence posted a video on her Instagram regarding the hate you had been receiving. 

“To my “fans,” who have sent a tremendous amount of hate to my girlfriend, Y/n, kindly unfollow me. I do not need your negativity towards my relationship with her. The hate you throw at her is hate you throw at me. The death threats you throw at her, are also death threats you throw at me. It is not your place to tell me who I should and should not love, nor is it any of your business. I do not appreciate the comments you have thrown at her. She does not deserve it, and nor do I. I am happy with Y/n. She makes me a better person. So please, leave my relationship alone and stop sending my girlfriend death threats. I will not ask again.”

After watching the video, you were in shock. Even if you had talked about it a couple days prior, you still didn’t expect that she would actually post it. Florence kept the comments on and fortunately, it was filled with massive support from other celebrities. You were grateful.

-

Florence had an interview with Jimmy Kimmel this week to discuss her recent and future projects. Of course, her video regarding your relationship was a topic of discussion. You stayed backstage and watched Florence’s interview from her dressing room.

“Okay, I think everyone here has seen the video that you had recently posted regarding your relationship,” Jimmy says.

“Yeah, I hope so,” Florence chuckles nervously.

“So tell me, if you’re comfortable, why you had said what you needed to say?” he asks.

“Did you watch the video?” Florence says sarcastically, earning a couple laughs from the crowd. “Um, I figured that I needed to. I mean my girlfriend was getting sent death threats for no apparent reason and it needed to stop.” This earned Florence a clap from the audience.

“That’s fair. God, the internet is so toxic, isn’t it?” Jimmy complains.

“Yeah,” Florence agreed. “Y/n and I had been dating for a while now and we’d managed to keep it lowkey. I just thought that when I’d finally posted her that I wouldn’t receive such horrid comments. Which is why I felt the need to address this because I hate seeing the people I love get hurt.”

A couple people from the crowd “Awwed”

“So, tell me what it is about Y/n that just makes you so in love with her?” Jimmy asked curiously.

Florence smiled as she thought about the things that she loved most about you. “Her smile was something that caught my eyes right off the bat. She has such a kind smile and I would do everything just to keep her smiling.”

The crowd “Awwed” again.

“Also, Y/n is so loving. She won’t admit it because she likes to be that “tough” person on the outside, but inside she’s a big softie. She gives the best cuddles. I also love how she makes me tea every time I come home from filming.”

“Aww, that must be nice. I think we all need a Y/n in our life, right?” Jimmy says.

The camera pans to the crowd who was cheering and nodding their heads.

“Well, too bad, Y/n is only one person and I’m the lucky girl who has her,” Florence says wittily. 

The crowd laughed and clapped.

“Alright, well it was lovely having you, Florence,” Jimmy says, shaking Florence’s hand. “And that’s all for tonight, we’ll see you tomorrow!”

-

On the ride home, you rested your head on Florence’s shoulders.

“You really had to call me out, didn’t you?” you ask.

“Yeah, maybe just a little,” Florence says, making a gesture.

You chuckle and look at her. “Did I ever tell you that you are the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid my eyes on?”

“Yes, Y/n, you tell me everyday,” she says, grabbing your cheek.

You smile and close the gap between you. Florence melts into the kiss and moves her hand to the back of your head, running her hands through your hair. You pull away to catch some air and Florence rests her forehead against yours.

“I love you, Flo. Thank you for everything.”

“I love you too Y/n. and don’t thank me, you know I’ll always protect you.”

The End

[13uswntimagines]

Your Ass Is Out of This World (Kelley x Reader)

Request: alex or kelley or sonnett x reader where they've been dating for a few years R is an astronaut for NASA and she gets to go to space

Author’s Note: Special thanks to @literaryhedgehog​ cause without her, none of this would have happened. 

Kelley wasn’t quite sure how she had ended up standing next to a dive bar sipping a lukewarm beer on a Friday night. In her defense, Ali and Ashlyn had convinced her it would be fun and had promised to pay for the Uber rides both ways. It had been fun for a while, dancing with them to some old 70s songs on the light-up dance floor, but half an hour ago they had disappeared off into a hallway somewhere, and she had no intention of third-wheeling (she knew she should have convinced Alex to join them). But she also wasn’t going to leave without them, because she wasn’t convinced either of them were sober enough to take any kind of transportation safely (someone needed to be there to make sure they didn’t puke in someone’s car).

So here she was, standing by the bar waiting for her friends’ sexcapades to be over, nursing her drink. The clink of a glass settling in front of her caught her attention. She blinked at the bartender. “I didn’t order another one,” 

The man’s lips ticked up and he shrugged. “Lady on the end paid for it. Said you looked sad,” 

Kelley looked up, following the man’s eyes towards a woman standing a few seats down the bar from her. She was also standing alone but was dressed as though for a different event altogether. Kelley had embraced the 70s theme of the bar slightly, wearing a jumpsuit and a scarf around her head, but this woman had just thrown a white NASA shirt--like the one Kelley got for her little cousin at Target-- over a pair of black jeans. As she bobbed her head to the music she met Kelley’s eyes and smiled. 

Kelley took that as her invitation to approach. Kelley’s eyes traced her form, lingering on the white material. She didn’t know those came in adult sizes...

“You must be a star, I can't stop orbiting around you” Kelley smiled charmingly as she approached you, setting her beer on the bar beside you and settling in the seat to the left of yours. 

“I do believe I was the one to buy you the drink…” you said, your lips twitching as you tried to keep a serious expression. “Shouldn’t I be the one throwing pickup lines here?”

“You bought me the drink, so I get to be the one to woo you. I’m Kelley, are you from Mars? 'cuz I wanna explore you with curiosity.” Kelley said, wiggling her eyebrows at you, enjoying the light blush coloring your cheeks. 

“Oh my god,” you groaned, “that was terrible. I mean really good but absolutely awful.”

“At least I got you to smile, but you still haven’t told me your name.” Kelley laughed, taking a sip of her beer. She was prepared to lay on the horrible pick up lines for your entertainment. 

“I’m Y/n,” you said, putting down your drink and holding out your hand, “pleasure.”

“They call me the milky way...Pleasure You Can't Measure,” Kelley smiled, shaking your hand as you laughed and pulling you a little closer “Why look at the moon, if I can’t touch it? Why look at your lips, if I can't kiss them,” she said, winking so you knew she was completely joking. 

“How do you know so many of these?” You said, shaking your head in awe. “ All I know off the top of my head is ‘do you work for NASA? Because you’re out of this world!’”

“Ah, a magician never reveals her secrets,” Kelley whispered conspiratoryly, bringing her hand up to cover her lips. “but my team and I have definitely had flirt offs for bonding nights,” 

“Your team?” 

“Yeah, I play soccer for the US and Washington,” She shrugged as if it wasn’t a huge accomplishment. 

Your eyes widened and you nearly spat out your drink. “Didn’t they, like, just win a World Cup?” 

“Yeah, No biggie,” Kelley said, side-eyeing you as she took another sip. 

“No biggie?  I’m surprised you don’t have a swarm of paparazzi shadowing you, that’s incredible! Weren’t the USWNT like the most successful US team in soccer?’

“Hm, there’s not enough drama for them, but we don’t mind. How about you? What do you do beautiful?” Kelley hummed. 

“Oh. I work for NASA,” you said, gesturing at the shirt. “I can’t wait to bring some of those lines back to work.”

“What??” 

****

“So do they at least give you a good choice of flavors? So you don’t get bored and stuff?” Emily asked from across the table, licking her dripping I cream cone. 

When your girlfriend decided to introduce you to the team after their match against Colombia, you were quite surprised she had chosen an ice cream shop as a venue. But with how food motivated the youngins seemed, you realized how appropriate it was. 

“I mean,” you said, your spoon suspended in the air as you blinked at Emily, “ice cream isn’t the only thing we will eat. I’m going to be on the station for like 8 months. Ice cream is not a balanced diet.”

“But it’s the only one they sell in the stores. You don’t have to lie cause the veggie lovers are here,” The defender said, leaning across the table, as though it would prevent the rest of the table from hearing her. 

“Babe, you literally love most veggies too,” Lindsey rolled her eyes, using her thumb to wipe a spot of chocolate ice cream from Emily’s nose. 

“Actually, I heard they’re a pretty good selection of dehydrated fruits and veggies and MRE’s and Tortillas and stuff. Plus I get to take a few things from home…” You mumbled, leaning back. 

She couldn’t be serious right? There was no way she thought you were supposed to sustain yourself on horrible freeze-dried dairy products for that long. Not to mention, freeze-dried ‘astronaut’ products for the most part weren’t actually possible to bring to space, with how crumbly they are. You were more likely to eat actual ice cream on the space station (less chance for an errant crumb being inhaled or destroying an important piece of equipment) than that gift shop garbage. 

“Oh yeah, MRE sounds way more likely than just eating the stuff they literally label as being for astronauts…” Emily said, rolling her eyes. “What does that even stand for? ‘Must reject Emily?”

You opened your mouth to answer, eyebrows furrowed, only for Kelley to nudge you softly. 

“It’s not worth the fight babe, trust me. Not the brightest lighthouse if you know what I mean,” Your girlfriend made a swirling motion with her finger next to her temple. 

You leaned in closer so your lips were nearly touching her ear. “She’s not serious right?” 

“I never joke about ice cream,” Emily answered seriously. 

You blinked at her, looking to your girlfriend who just shrugged and raised her eyebrows. 

“I’m, I’m not sure if they have a flavor rotation system for ice cream flavors. We haven’t been… briefed on that yet,” you nodded seriously. 

…...

“Can you hear me?” Kelley said, tapping her fingers impatiently as your face appeared in the video call. 

“He- -utiful,” You smiled through the glitchy computer screen. Your waving was broken up like a bad claymation. You leaned in to make out the fuzzy figures standing behind your girlfriend, assuming she was at camp or something. 

Normal long distance sucked, but literally being off-planet really made things difficult. It wasn’t like Kelley could just text you when she missed you, or randomly call you when she missed you at 3 am. Sure, she could email and you made a tremendous effort to schedule calls once a month, but it was still incredibly difficult (and slightly weird that a NASA tech dude had to monitor each call to make sure the connection stayed up). And sometimes even the best video-calling technology had issues. Like today (when a giant satellite or piece of space trash would block the signal). 

“Are you hav- -un at -amp?” You asked, grabbing your floating water pouch pushing out a sip sized water drop. 

“Yeah, it’s great,” Kelley said, watching you munch on your water. When you first got on the station you sent her pictures of artwork you made out of different drops of colored water- specifically making a giant water ‘soccer ball’ for her. Then you tried to boop it around and ended up losing control, amusing all your crewmates who watched you trying not to run into too many walls. “We’re looking forward to playing against Brazil on Friday, should be brutal.” 

“We’re set to be ov- Florida on -day, so I’ll try and tune into the ga-. Catch a nice - view,” You nodded, wiggling your eyebrows (which looked more like you having a seizure due to how badly you were pixelated). 

While Kelley wasn’t entirely sure what you were saying, she went ahead and nodded. “Let me know what you think!”

“Wh- color -it are you w-ing? Y- look -uper s-xy in the -ue,” you said, floating up in a ‘draw me like one of your french girls’ pose. 

“You’re favorite one,” Kelley said, winking at you. 

“-es!!” You cheered “-ake p-ture -or -“ the screen flickered dangerously for a second. Before a wobbly picture returned. 

“Babe you’re breaking up, I can’t tell what you’re saying. Y/n. Are you there? UGh. I love you! We’ll talk soon.”

“-ove y- -oo” 

Kelley blew a slow kiss to her camera before she heard a deep voice saying “Sorry ma’am. The connection was lost. Y’all still have five minutes on your scheduled call- Want me to try calling again? See if the signal improves?”

“Yeah,” Kelley shifted, rubbing the bridge of her nose as typing sounds echoed through the speaker. How she was going to make it through four more months of this she had no idea. 

“What if like the ship was attacked by aliens or something,” Sonnett whispered from her left, staring at the blank screen with real trepidation. 

“Not possible ma’am,” she heard him laugh. “But I doubt I would have the right level of security clearance to know.”

“great.”

Kelley grabbed a pen and marked a day off the calendar hanging on her wall. So much for ‘phone call with Y/n.’ She sighed. Just a few months to go. 

****

Gravity fucking sucked. It was disorienting and heavy and made you sick to your stomach. Space station alums always talked about re-entry and how bad that was, but you thought sitting in a NASA hospital bed while your equilibrium readjusted was way worse than your fireball craft plummeting into the ocean. 

“This fucking sucks,” You groaned, again throwing your hand over to pull out the IV. You hated how hard it was to move (and how you actually had to hold up a cup of water to get a drink but that was beside the point). 

“Whoa babe, I know you’re a little out of it right now, but that has to stay in. Just try and relax for a little while,” Kelley said, grabbing your hand and kissing the back of your knuckles. 

You frowned at her through heavy-lidded eyes. “Don’t wanna be here. Wanna be home with you.” 

“I know, but you gotta stay here until the re-entry symptoms have worn off a little more,” She said again. She knew that you weren’t going to be 100% when you stepped out of the spacecraft, but she hadn’t expected you to be so out of it. You were sick to your stomach and entirely unable to walk without assistance. 

The doctors assured her that you would be fine (residual effects from not being in gravity for so long and the impact of the landing or whatever), but it was still difficult to watch. It didn’t help that you were a horrendous patient. 

“Just watch the game. The US is even in Blue,” Kelley tried to coax. Even she was beginning to grow restless. But you couldn’t leave until you could keep down solid foods. 

“I don’t want to watch. You’re not in it,” You said, grabbing the remote from her and turning the television off. Then you tried to set the remote in the air, but instead of hovering like it should have done, it dropped to the ground. 

“Alright, commander Y/l/n. It’s dinner time,” one of the NASA hospital nurses said, bringing in a tray for you. Kelley thanked them as they left since you were too dazed to think of it.  

“God this food sucks, I hate jello ” you grumbled, lifting the spoon in front of your face (fully expecting it to float so you could take your bite) and dropping it as you want to open the pudding packet instead. “I just want a big juicy cheeseburger. With bacon and onions and-“ You trailed off, your mouth watering at the thought. You hadn’t had proper food in 8 months, and it had been your major cravings food. 

“A side of diabetes” she scoffed, picking up the discarded remote and spoon, “And are you going to keep dropping things everywhere?” She asked, carefully filling a spoon with chocolate pudding and guiding it to your mouth. 

“Fuck Newton. Things are supposed to float,” 

****

You loved the soft skin behind Kelley’s ear. It was so smooth, and it always smelt like a mix of her perfume, shampoo, and something inherently Kelley. It was a bonus that your exploration of the area always sent a shiver down her spine. You ran your nose along the skin there, nibbling on her ear before moving down her neck. Leaving little kisses along your path. Kelley sighed, sleepily scratching your scalp and tilting her head to the side to encourage you to continue. 

“You,” Kelley said. “ I like you.”

“Hm, I’m glad. It would be kinda scary if you were doing this with someone you didn’t like,” you mumbled against her skin, unwilling to part with it for even a moment. Kelley giggled at the tickling sensation. How you still had so much energy after you had thoroughly worn her out getting… reacquainted she would never know.

 “But what do you like most. Tell me, babe,” You said, moving your lips a little lower, towards where her shoulder and neck met. 

“I love… your ass. It’s out of this world.” She said sleepily, reaching around to grab her favorite asset of yours. 

“Well, it has been,” You laughed, pulling away reluctantly so you could look her in the eyes. 

“Shut up you goof,” She rolled her eyes, grabbing a pillow and whacking you lightly. You fell over dramatically, pulling her so she was on top of you. 

“Hm, I’m your goof,” 

“Yeah. You are. And babe?” She smiled down at you, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips. 

“Hmm?” You hummed against her lips. She leaned back to look you in the eyes, one forearm across your chest and her other hand beside your head supporting her. 

“No more space travel for a while?” 

 “Pinky promise,” You said, wiggling your hand so your littlest finger connected with hers. 

“Good. I can’t believe I was dating someone from TEXAS for a while.” Kelley pretended to shudder. “Jus think, one of your coworkers might have been a Houston dash supporter!”

[mostlymovieswithmax]

Movies I watched in July

Once again I’m doing my monthly round-up of movies I’ve watched. This was a good month for the cinema getting back on track and seeing new releases including the new M. Night movie, Old and James Gunn’s The Suicide Squad. Pretty sure Marvel put out a new movie also. I’m hoping that this list can help in guiding a decision about what to watch (or what to avoid) and introduce people to movies they may otherwise not have heard of or bothered to see. These short reviews are my own subjective opinions on each individual movie and maybe a more informal approach to movie criticism can help include others who are just passing through. Here is every film I watched from the 1st to the 31st of July.

Bridesmaids (2011) - 4/10

Off to a good start. I won’t say Bridesmaids is a terrible movie but I don’t think I’m exactly the target audience. As far as I know, this is a beloved comedy but I just can’t get on board with all the boring, juvenile humour; with Maya Rudolph shitting in the street, with Rose Byrne and Kristen Wiig trying to one-up each other at a toast that went on forever, with Melissa McCarthy shitting in a sink… the conflict is so done to death and makes the movie feel unspecial. I do understand the appeal of the film, especially for women in that before this movie the likelihood of seeing something like this, where women play up the more crass and gross side of comedy, was probably few and far between. But the story is very tired and while I did appreciate some moments, namely a couple of decent jokes and some of the more intimate scenes, for the most part it felt like they wanted to corner a more quiet type of line delivery in a way that was supposed to be understated but very funny so as to not rely on over the top body language or musical cues, and it ended up being super dull.

Spectre (2015) - 7/10

As far as I can tell, a lot of people don’t like this instalment of the James Bond franchise… but I really enjoyed it! I’ve really taken a shine to these Daniel Craig-era Bond movies and while I can’t say any of them are the most amazing thing, I have a lot of fun with them. The biggest problem I have with Spectre is the villain being utterly pointless and uninteresting in basically every way. The idea of every villain Bond has fought before being tied to this one organisation controlled by this one guy is ridiculous, and what makes it worse is that the villain is barely in it! There’s so much that doesn’t come together in this but as it goes, I still had a really good time. Daniel Craig holds the whole thing together; he is excellent as 007 and the main reason I’m up for each of these movies is because of him. Sam Mendes directs again after the previous instalment and for what it’s worth I do think he does a good job with some of the action set pieces and the locations. I’m so ready for No Time To Die.

Shazam (2019) - 7/10

Shazam is a genuinely fun superhero movie that doesn’t take itself seriously at all. I was having a great time throughout and while it could conform to some of the same tropes we’re used to with these kinds of movies, it still remained playful and used the character of Shazam to his fullest potential in a way that showed an understanding of just how silly the idea of a kid who can turn into an adult and shoot lightning out of his hands is.

High School Musical (2006) - 6/10

So as you may or may not know, I co-host a podcast: The Sunday Movie Marathon. It’s a film podcast and every week I get together with my other co-hosts and watch movies. For episode 38, we watched the High School Musical trilogy. This first movie blew me away. I was really surprised with just how much fun I had, and if you want to hear more of my thoughts on the film, please listen to episode 38 of the podcast.

High School Musical 2 (2007) - 4/10

We then jumped into the second and while it’s certainly not as good as its predecessor, there are still some brilliant songs that manage to top the last movie. Again, more of what I have to say can be heard on episode 38 of the podcast.

High School Musical 3: Senior Year (2008) - 3/10

Senior Year was pretty hard to get through. I don’t remember it being as bad as it was, but then I didn’t really remember it anyway. It did however have one redeeming quality, which you can discover on episode 38 of the podcast.

The Piano Teacher (2001) - 9/10

What the fuuuckkkk. The Piano Teacher is horrendously affecting and I was so upset when it ended, maybe not because it’s not what I wanted but because it’s just so fucking dour and unrelenting. This is the second Haneke movie I’ve seen (after the original Funny Games) and I’m so impressed with how well executed it is. Following a woman who teaches piano, we get a glimpse into the life she lives, how sheltered she is from living with her mother at an age where you’d reasonably expect a person to be living alone or with a partner or friends (even going so far as to be sleeping in the same bed as her), and how repressed she is sexually. It’s clear she’s never experienced any kind of sexual interaction or romantic love with another person, so she goes out of her way to take control and make that happen. The upsetting nature of it comes from just what she does in pursuit of it or as a result of her repression, and what is done to her. It is by no means a movie to recommend to your parents but The Piano Teacher offers so much in terms of the ideas it presents (and I’ll admit there seems to be a lot more going on than I think I picked up on a first go round) about women in modern society, and about the portrayal of sex and expectations of people when it comes to how that is represented in a person’s character depending on their gender. I really enjoyed this movie but it is not for the faint of heart.

Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure (2011) - 1/10

My podcast co-hosts decided it’d be a right laugh to add Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure to this episode and that might have been a fun idea for them because they got to watch it together, but I was just watching it alone. Just a 24-year-old man watching Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure alone and having a miserable time, I might add. But for a short and sweet ramble on what we all thought, please listen to episode 38 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

Dr. No (1962) - 6/10

A lot of very iffy parts of this movie. A lot of discomfort arising from how black people are portrayed that really didn’t sit right with me. As far as a Bond movie goes, this first instalment in the series is one I’ve seen before and it’s not wholly engaging but it plants the seeds for the rest, with Sean Connery breathing life into the role and making an otherwise lacklustre plot bearable.

Black Widow (2021) - 6/10

I think probably the best part about Black Widow is the experience I had while watching it. It was great being back in the cinema with a couple of friends in a packed theatre. The energy was high and I’m sure for a lot of people, this is the first time they’d been to the cinema since Endgame. For what it’s worth, I did have a lot of fun with Black Widow and I’ve explained more of what I thought about the movie in episode 39 of the podcast.

The Climb (2020) - 10/10

The Climb was added to Now TV recently and I already knew I loved it, having seen it in an empty cinema theatre last year, which I had an absolute blast with. The Climb details the years of a rocky friendship told over scenes filmed as one-shots. Not only is the presentation something to gawk at, but the performances by the two leads playing these friends with a terrifically dysfunctional dynamic is truly captivating. They’re both trying to figure out their own lives and where one can come across as being rather selfish, the opposite is true in his counterpart, whom everyone loves. This is a truly funny and heartwarming movie with a lot to say about how we choose to live our lives and who we choose to be with. It’s a shame the distributors of The Climb didn’t do a very good job because if not for it being available on Now TV, it would be near impossible to watch without forking out more money than is necessary to purchase a film.

From Russia With Love (1963) - 5/10

The second Bond movie. I thought perhaps I’d change my mind on it with another watch, having seen it for the first time maybe a year ago. But no, it’s still largely boring and it treats women like absolute garbage. From Russia With Love is one of those movies I forget as I watch it, and I was trying very hard (in the middle of the day!) not to fall asleep.

The Good, The Bart, and The Loki (2021) - 1/10

I don't usually talk about the short films I watch but for this I'll make an exception. As we all should know, Disney owns The Simpsons now, through their acquisition of Fox, so, coupled with another of their properties, that being Marvel, they decided to make a six-minute animated film wherein Marvel’s Loki is stranded in Springfield. This felt as though it was a minute long due to the horrendously jarring pacing; it is a movie that feels adamant that it needs to exist, while trying as hard as it can to be over as soon as possible. It serves only to stare the audience directly in the face and say “look, characters from The Simpsons are dressed as Avengers”, shit out three credit scenes, then end before you’ve even processed the atrocity you just bore witness to.

Russian Ark (2002) - 8/10

For this next episode of the podcast, we watched a few Russian movies, starting with Russian Ark, a film shot completely in one take as the camera moves about a luxurious museum in a first-person perspective as this main character watches what is happening around him, seeing people moving about the place but unable to interact with them, guided only by another man who seems to be just slightly out of his own perception of reality. This is a tremendous feat in filmmaking and more can be heard about what I have to say in episode 39 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

Ivan’s Childhood (1962) - 7/10

For my own pick of Russian movies to discuss on the podcast, I chose the debut feature from one of my favourite directors, Andrei Tarkovsky. It’s amazing that while this is not his best film by far, Ivan’s Childhood is still such a stellar debut, jumping around in its timeline as it details a child’s experience in the second world war. Again, I do go into more depth in episode 39 of the podcast, so be sure to check that out.

Outlaw (2019) - 1/10

The third movie chosen for this marathon is apparently the fourth Russian LGBTQ+ movie ever made. I’m unsure of the ultimate goal of this movie but what seems to be clear is that it hates the LGBTQ+ community. This is perhaps the worst film we’ve discussed on the podcast to date, so listen to episode 39 to understand exactly why it’s such trash.

Almost Famous (2000) - 7/10

I too love heavy music and also studied journalism so it stands to reason that a movie about a teenager who makes his way onto a band tour, following them through America and interviewing them as they hang out and play shows is going to be a premise that resonates with me. This certainly did. I enjoyed Almost Famous a lot; this kid is living the dream and I was so along for the ride, seeing a lot of myself in what was being portrayed. That said, the story itself is at times a bit by the numbers and I really would’ve been more on board if the visual component was more interesting. For what it is, technically it’s fine enough but nothing in that department ever jumped out at me.

Minari (2021) - 8/10

It’s crazy that this didn’t get a theatrical run where I live in the UK. It feels as though I complain about film distribution all the time but I really don’t understand the process by which a movie gets no cinematic release and yet, months later will pop up on the front shelf of hmv, taking pride of place. But of course I got the blu-ray straight away. Minari has a lot to say about the immigrant experience, specifically in America as a family comes over from Korea and tries to start a business and make something of themselves. You get to see a lot of what you might not think twice about when you think about immigration: the hardship of coming from a place where you know everyone to somewhere rural and sparsely populated, having to make friends with locals and integrate within the community; the strain it can put on a family and on a marriage where this idea is presented about the importance of making it on your own in order to live and not just survive, while also taking into account why you’re doing it in the first place and the value you place on being part of a family that you decided to make because that was more important than money, than economy, than proving you were good enough to make it in a place that gave you very little advantage from the offset. This concept of the promised land, of the American dream is a construct. There are times when it’s not pretty, when you have no running water, or you’re in debt, or a family member is dying and it just feels like you’ve been dealt as bad a hand as you can get. But it is better to know you’re not facing all that alone.

Roma (2018) - 10/10

This was my recommendation for the podcast episode on Alfonso Cuarón movies. Roma is as beautiful as it is heart-wrenching and I would recommend listening to episode 40 of the podcast to find out more about my thoughts.

An American Werewolf In London (1981) - 8/10

In all fairness, London is enough to make anyone a little crazy at the best of times. An American Werewolf in London showcases some fantastically grotesque effects, akin to something like Carpenter’s The Thing, in showing the dead brought back to life and a horrifically gory transformation scene. Although the film is from the perspective of an American protagonist, directed also by an American, the depiction of British culture and climate is something I’ve not seen many films pull off quite so well, and I was pleasantly surprised at the more comedic tone the film has overall, which is something that works more in its favour than straight horror would.

The Party’s Just Beginning (2018) - 6/10

Karen Gillan’s directorial debut is… pretty good! There are a lot of ideas I like in this movie: a woman living life and through convenient circumstances, is confronted with death in many ways. Gillan obviously knows her homeland as well as she can, imbuing the whole thing with an intensely Scottish vibe (though maybe not in the same vein as something like Trainspotting) that makes it a bit more unique than a more run of the mill movie of this ilk, backed up in no small part by her own main performance. The plot itself is no great diversion from the kind of story I’m used to with these smaller movies and for something that’s trying to include messaging about transgender issues and suicide, it probably could have been handled better or done in a different way.

Solaris (1972) - 9/10

Another Tarkovsky joint, one I thought I’d revisit to see if there was indeed more to get out of it a second time. Well, it’s no surprise that yes, there was certainly more to get out of it. Solaris is a crazy trip of a movie and I would liken it to Kubrick’s 2001 in terms of how grand the scale of it feels. Yet this is a film that comes across as deeply personal, choosing to focus on a specific character as he goes to a space station to help those on board who are experiencing some kind of emotional crises, only to feel the effects of the planet, Solaris invading his own mind as it has the crew. To many, I can see this lengthy Russian sci-fi being a tad slow but my personal experience is one of deep engagement. Solaris pulls its viewer in a lot of different directions and it is always doing something unexpected in terms of where its narrative goes. There’s a lot to think about with the movie and thankfully it’s no chore to watch again.

Y Tu Mamá También (2001) - 9/10

Another recommendation for the podcast episode on Alfonso Cuarón movies. This is a very relaxed experience, following three young people as they go on a road trip, visit different places and have sex. Listen to episode 40 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast for more of my thoughts.

Children of Men (2006) - 10/10

My favourite Cuarón movie, one that never stops being tense as its characters are constantly moving towards the end goal. Set in a future where humans are infertile, the oldest living person is 18, and London is the last city in the world that’s still keeping it together, somewhat. This is masterclass filmmaking. Listen to episode 40 of the podcast for more insights.

Minority Report (2002) - 5/10

I’m really not the biggest fan of Spielberg… Minority Report is an interesting movie in terms of its concept of stopping crimes before they happen by way of prediction, but I just didn’t connect with the heart of it. The colouring is way too overexposed in a way that’s supposed to be eliciting a futuristic vibe but instead feels so early-2000’s in the worst way. My biggest problem with Minority Report is just how long it is, clocking in at two hours and twenty-five minutes which allows for a lot of meandering, all while never quite developing characters enough for you to care about.

Caché (2005) - 9/10

Oh god! Another Michael Haneke movie! Here we see a couple periodically sent video tapes featuring hours of footage of the outside of their house. The anxiety ratchets up and the mystery gets deeper with every minute. There’s always at least one moment in any of his films that have so far made me realise just how out of my depth I am. Caché is no exception, and I won’t spoil anything here because I think it’s better just to watch the movie and see for yourself. He is a director that wants the audience to know something and that something is never what is explicitly shown at face value; it is pressed into the fabric of the film - plainly evident, yet hidden. Caché is so stupidly clever in displaying its themes and messaging - making reference to the Siene Massacre of 1961 as well as a deeper study of colonialism - and there’s no way to change a single detail of it without risking the Jenga tower crumbling to the ground. It all works in tandem. It is passion and fury and haunting.

Coco (2017) - 7/10

Pixar had a string of around seven forgettable movies before this point so thankfully Coco emerged to show the company still had something good in them. Coco deals a lot with themes of death and legacy, remembering those who are gone in order to preserve them and while its plotting is quite basic and there are certainly moments that either drag or cannot escape the same Pixar formula, most of what the movie has to offer is a lot of fun, with creative, colourful animation and emotional beats that resonate the way they’re supposed to.

Incredibles 2 (2018) - 5/10

Oh, they almost had it! There's a lot here that could have been explored in far more interesting ways. Setting Incredibles 2 directly after the events of the first movie was not a good idea. If it had taken place five or ten years after, the characters could have been in different places in life and it would feel as though they'd actually changed and developed. But instead of trying to be a film that actually cares about its characters and the journeys they go on, a lot of the film is wrestling with the idea that Bob isn't supportive of his wife and Jack-Jack has to fight a raccoon… They have to shoehorn in a villain that in no way compares to the genius of the original. The ending of the original introduces another antagonist that gets wrapped up within this film's first ten minutes, except they don't catch him and he's never mentioned again. It's a real shame because the animation is fantastic and the acting is superb and there are great ideas sprinkled throughout. It just doesn't come together.

Toy Story 4 (2019) - 6/10

I was rather reluctant to watch Toy Story 4 because from the get-go I’m not really here for sequels being made just for the sake of it. Everyone loves Toy Story and making another one is a sure fire way to make money. This is the first time I’ve seen Toy Story 4 and for what it’s worth, I did enjoy it. The animation is immaculate and that alone feels like a huge flex from Pixar who tend to step up the game when it comes to animation in film, despite not having the best track record for films generally at this point. While it was nice to see these characters again, I found a lot of them to be side-lined (namely Buzz) in favour of a story that focuses mainly or entirely on Woody, who I just don’t like as much as in the previous movies. Generally the movie is good and decent enough but there’s no real antagonist and the plot is quite loose… it doesn’t feel as though it needed to be made from a story point of view.

Onward (2020) - 6/10

And with that I have seen every Pixar movie. And Onward is a fine one to go out on. While I don’t think it compares to the likes of earlier Pixar it’s still pretty fun. Or maybe I’m just a sucker for a medieval setting filled with bright colours and magic! Speaking of which, the animation was super and the medieval quest element is something that hooked me with the film. Again, plot-wise it does feel very familiar and I don’t know, maybe I’m past the point now of expecting Pixar to mix it up where their formula for story-telling is concerned but the movie is quite predictable. Nonetheless, while I’m not rushing back to see Onward I would hardly turn it off or refuse if someone wanted to watch it.

Old (2021) - 3/10

Oh boy! New M. Night movie dropped and my word, was it fun! For more of my thoughts on this… masterpiece (?) of a movie, please direct your attention to episode 41 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

T2 Trainspotting (2017) - 5/10

Trainspotting is perhaps one of my favourite movies and I had never bothered with the sequel, 20 years on, because the ending of that first movie is so conclusive. T2 felt more an excuse for these guys to get together again and in that, I probably would have preferred a couple of pictures on Twitter of the main cast and director, Danny Boyle having dinner or something. This is a fine movie - very arty in its presentation but meandering and dull in its story that doesn’t offer much in the way of proof that it had to exist.

Taste of Cherry (1997) - 9/10

What makes life worth living? This is a central question and theme of Taste of Cherry, and one that leaves such interpretation not only up to its central character but to the viewer as well. This film got me thinking about times in my life when I truly have had no answer to hard questions. Because it’s hard to convince people of things they are so adamantly against and harder still to rationalise what you believe if you’re not even entirely sure why you believe it in the first place. We are all of us alive and in recognising that, does that make it precious? And if indeed living is not a happy thing, why then should we fight so hard to preserve it? I felt upset as I watched this movie because I’ve been asked these kinds of questions before and it makes me feel stupid when I’m unable to answer. But the only real answer I can give is, everything. And if you can’t see the point then you’re not looking hard enough. Taste of Cherry is beautiful in its exploration of these topics and in its overall presentation, offering some of the best visuals in any movie I’ve seen - fitting for a feature with so much to say about the beauty of life - and an ending that as much pulls the rug out from under you as it does pull you out of the dark and make you realise just how lonely you’ve felt.

Bones (2001) - 2/10

Snoop Dogg is Jimmy Bones! This film is super funny but I’m not sure it’s trying to be and I really didn’t love it overall. But I do talk more in depth about it in episode 41 of the podcast.

The Duchess (2008) - 5/10

Another recommendation for the podcast. The Duchess was pretty much exactly what I thought it was going to be and there’s a lot to like about it but generally it’s a bit sparse. For more chat on the movie, listen to episode 41 of the podcast.

The Man With One Red Shoe (1985) - 1/10

This was another one for the podcast and man, was it awful. We had to watch it at 1.5x speed towards the end because it just wasn’t getting finished otherwise. To find out more, make sure to listen to episode 41 of the podcast.

The Emperor’s New Groove (2000) - 7/10

Pull the lever, Kronk! Haha! Slays me. I do quite miss this era of Disney, where the animation was hand-drawn and the stories were actually compelling and funny. The Emperor’s New Groove is vibrant, it’s got great characters and memorable moments that will forever be ingrained in the memory of culture. All in all, it’s just a solid flick that doesn’t waste time, developing the standard fall from glory type of arc but smoothly and in an entertaining way.

The Suicide Squad (2021) - 8/10

Oh, bloody hell! They actually made a good one! The Suicide Squad is not only better than the ‘Suicide Squad’ of 2016 in every way, it’s a genuinely great film! This time, James Gunn (director of Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy movies) is at the helm and it seems clear that Warner Bros. basically let him do what he wanted with the movie, as it doesn’t seem to bog itself down with the restrictions of a more family-friendly rating. The result of this is a far cleaner, colourful film with a clearer vision that takes from early Vietnam movies and uses that style to craft a superhero/villain movie that differentiates itself among the copious amount of existing films of the genre.      The Suicide Squad wastes very little time, introducing fun, crazy characters we’ve not seen on the big screen before and isn’t worried about killing a whole bunch of them, with standouts being Elba’s Bloodsport, Melchior’s Ratcatcher 2, Stallone’s King Shark (expertly rendered with fantastic visual effects), and Robbie’s returning interpretation of Harley Quinn.      A lot of Gunn’s trademark sense of humour is laced throughout and more often than not, it hits. The audience at the cinema were truly loving this movie and I’ll admit, I was right there with them. This mix of the gritty, gory and absurd is not something that should work as well as it does but the basic premise of the film is already so silly (and boy, do they know it) that it just works! Certainly one of the best DC movies since The Dark Knight and one I’d be more than happy to watch again. This is what the modern comic book movie should be: just balls to the wall fun!

[herstarburststories]

you and me and the devil makes three.

Pairings: Dean Winchester x reader, Demon!Dean Winchester x reader, past Lisa x Dean

Summary: Dean is a demon, he will take whatever he wants.

A/N: This got darker than I expected. I wanna make it clear I don't condone or engage with Dean's acts on this. This is my submission for @jawritter 's Make Me Cry Challenge. Congrats, honey! Hope you like it. Dividers by talesmanic and gif credit here

Prompt: I guess I should have been more like her.

Warnings: non consensual kissing, language, UNHEALTHY BEHAVIOR, non con (kissing and touching but no sex), dirty talk

Dean Winchester was a dreamer.

In the rawest way of the word, the meaning in the dust-collecting dictionaries and not the idealistic form. His eyelids shut close and, just like magic, Dean’s head was as haunted as the home he swore he’d never come back to in Kansas. The ghosts of the past, not ever so very friendly, coming to greet him at least three times per week. Sometimes they were happy films he could never starre in real life, his mom singing or a picnic with a lover saying that they needed to hurry up to get their kid at the baseball. The nightmares were sleepy visions of flesh and blood, mostly about his time underneath, Sam hurting, or his father spilling out his worst fears at his face. 

Maybe it was how the eldest Winchester’s brain compensated for the lack of bedtime tales and docile affairs growing up. The own way that his brittle soul discovered and molded not to let him collapse, or to always keep him on red alert. 

Good and bad deals are mostly a matter of which side you are betting your money on, really.

Because yeah, Dean did wake up feeling like he had shut his forest eyes briefly for twenty minutes instead of hours when he dreamed, but he also had never spent so long trapped in a better place. The green eyed hunter didn’t know which one was worse: the good dreams or the horrific ones. After all, he had went through all the atrocity and made it out alive, but the engulfed craving for light-hearted scenarios was suffocating. The hunter could never have it all. Trust him, he tried. Then, which is more agonizing: to have everything you ever wanted for a couple hours and have every scrap of it taken from you, or to undergo the calamity that accompanied your breaking point? 

Dean didn’t know, he didn’t even know what to tell Sam when he wondered what his brother had dreamt about to wake up sweating and screaming, all the light and stupid apple pie desires and the sharp brutality crawling out of the back of his mind. He made a joke, Megan Fox really liked knives, man. He kept it in, shoved down a good amount of alcohol, and mocked the worry of doing the lawn. Ready for another day. 

But now he was a demon, and apparently whatever he was made of - sulfur, cruelty, and black eyes under garden ones - wasn't worthy quiet reliefs in the middle of the night, or even frightening figments of memory. He became his worst dreams and all the dreams slipped beyond his reaches because of that. Demons, those unholy creatures, didn’t get the human peculiarities. You know what? Fine by him.

Who needed dreams when you don't need sleep, anyway? Even better: who needed dreams when you don't care about what you gotta do to put your greedy hands on the prize you had been eyeing for years? 

Dean Winchester was finally free. Free for the first time since he was a four years little boy who watched his mother burning with a terrorized expression, ironically mimicking the one Mary wore on the ceiling. His dad’s shouting for him to grab Sammy and run, take your little brother and run, echoing through years and years. There was never time for Dean, for his grief or his questions or whatever the child frozen in time under his rib cage could come up with. They said, stupid psychologists with their fancy degrees and malicious bartenders with a unfriendly grun under the counter who learned a little too much, everybody said that when someone was so traumatized as a kid, that person would tend to get frozen at that age. Therefore, how tremendously alleviating was to kill any reminiscing emotion of the whiny child he used to be. 

The kind of freedom that no traveler longed for; when one’s ruined and damaged enough not to care, and just take and take and take like hunger itself. Dean was an evil thing now, what else could he do but act on the figments of the worst intentions?

And feel so fucking good when doing that. 

‘’Where do you think he's going?’’ Your eyes raked over the street, darting between the asphalt under Baby’s wheels and Sam’s weary features.

‘’I don't know.’’ He sighed, attempting to organize his thoughts. Even as a demon, his brother wouldn’t just run miles and miles away by himself for no apparent reason. There had to be something you and Sam were missing out, some unseen clue or a hidden meaning. ‘’What the localizator says?’’

At least you had managed to put a tracker in his boots during your last encounter. Whatever Dean was thinking of starting there, you and Sam wouldn’t let him.

‘’Still Cicero, Indiana.’’ You sighed. Sammy furrowed his eyebrows, a long forgotten memory rising. ‘’What?’’

‘’We had a case there once years ago.’’ He explained, opting not to elaborate. Your and Dean’s relationship was troubled enough with his new self. Sam didn’t want to blow it up completely. His brother would need you once he came back to himself. The look on your face, though, reported how you weren’t buying his cheap excuses. The long haired hunter sighed. ‘’Did Dean ever tell you about that?’’

‘’No.’’

He stepped on the accelerator.

To find the woman was excruciatingly easy. The freckled demon couldn't believe he opened his computer many times and gave up before today. He glanced through the glass window and there she was, standing in all her glory with a body that seemed to forget how to grow old. Her tan skin still glowing, as appetizing as ever. Brown eyes shining so bright, tiny hands that always seemed to know where he wanted to be touched. She was laughing like there was no tomorrow, holding a glass of wine with one hand and her cellphone with the other, while her dark hair was falling so perfectly over her shoulder, like waves against the rocks in the sea.

Dean can’t wait to smell her again, to taste her, to prove her. His fingers were tingling, begging to touch what was his as he hopped off the car, walking towards the porch. He had been gone for a long time, but now he was back. 

He will destroy that quintessential, sequin woman so good.

The Winchester buckled in front of the white door, graced with the sound of the female giggle. Thin walls, he thought, those will be useful to make sure the neighbors know who’s back home. Her steps on the wood floor growing closer and closer as he heard a goodbye, probably aimed at whoever she was on the phone with. It was almost like the caramel skinned woman knew that whoever was on her doorstep wasn’t gonna be a hustled visitor. Or so the demon’s arranged mind said.

‘’Hey, Lis.’’ Dean’s voice lacked any cherishment as she opened the door, who would know that the absence of a soul wouldn't be gelid, just dry? As for her, Lisa’s face was drained of love. For all she was aware of, he was a stranger who knew her name. The male let out a chuckle empty of joy. She really didn’t remember, huh? ‘’Whoa. Cass really fucked up your head, huh? At least he did one thing right.’’

‘’Excuse me?’’ The man with dirty blonde hair and perfect teeth smelled like alcohol. She wasn’t having any of this tonight. ‘’Listen, I don’t know who you are and--’’

‘’Don’t worry.’’ He tranquilized her, although the lopsided grin on his lips held anything but good intentions. ‘’I’ll make you remember. I have a spell. You won’t believe how much you missed me.’’

The mocking laugh that left her lips utterly aggravated him. ‘’I don’t know you. Please leave or I’ll call the police.’’

Dean didn’t need a crowd for that part, a bratty woman in need of a firm hand should get a particular lesson. 

‘’You always liked a little cat and mouse.’’

Speaking of, the demon pushed the door wide open without any effort. Lisa jumped at the sudden move, every instinct inside her deciding that man was a threat and not some harmless wasted guy. Her body was quickly erect, thinking about ways to run and get help, but Dean swiftly pushed her to him and kicked the door closed-- her small figure collided to his chest.

Human savagery was cut in urban ways, molded to civilize the animalistic instincts. Imagine meat. A dead animal on a silver plate, and we couldn’t wait to chew every inch of it. We couldn’t wait to eat it, put that dead thing inside us and hope it’ll be enough to control the predatory hungry. Humans will always be animals, but so will be their rests that constructed the demons. 

Dean may not be a hunter anymore, but he’s still a predator who can't wait to taste his prey. He could small it, the fear in Lisa’s sweat making his mouth water. How much she tried to fight against him and scream other names when his was the only one he wanted her to need tonight. The resistance of a poor human barely made the monster shiver.

He closed his hands around her arms, throwing her against the wall like someone tossed an old toy away. There was no space for delicaly. In that moment, Dean Winchester was a tiger, a lion, the big bad wolf attacking the omega. Lis winced, her back hurting as her fibers. She couldn’t believe this was happening, that man was about to do something so terrible and disgusting to her in her own house, the place she was supposed to feel warm and safe. Why did he seem to know her? Why did he say she was gonna remember? Was he crazy, hallucinating, or drugged? Why was he so satisfied with how frightened her tiny body looked? How could she use all that information to somehow push him away?

‘’Let me go!’’ She demanded, her legs kicking the demon with ferocity. ‘’What’s wrong with you? LET ME GO NOW!’’

The brunette’s skilled body moved itself desperately, and the act of resistance only brought a hysterical laugh out of Dean. The wrong kind of goosebumps washed her skin, she had to run away for her life. This man was mad.

‘’FIRE! FIRE!’’ Lisa started to scream. Well-aware that people were most likely to come around and help a woman screaming if she said fire. ‘’THERE’S A FIRE. SOMEONE HELP ME!’’

One of his hands went to her neck, wrapping his fingers around it to shut her up. That was rubbing him off the wrong way. Lisa Braeden used to beg for his touch, how dared her not to want him anymore? Now that he was better, stronger, and thicker.

The brown eyed girl went quiet, probably scared by his brutal behavior. Dean smiled, a blood stained grin that carried mischief and pervertment. He licked the tears savoring the salty horror coming from her. Just like the day he was a vampire who almost gave in to drinking every drop of her luptuos blood. She may not remember but he did and he couldn't wait to get inside her, those tight walls squeezing his hard cock.

‘’You’re gonna do as I say, Lis. And I won't hurt you… Much.’’ He risped, crooked nose stroking her wet cheek. She whined. ‘’Don’t worry, honey. You loved it. Bet you’ll scream so much once I fuck you good.’’

‘’Please, don’t do it.’’ She begged as he coaxed his body against his. That man was stronger than her, she had no other choice but to plead to his human side. If only she knew.

‘’Begging already?’’ Dean lifted his head, smirking at her. Lisa just wanted to cry and close her eyes until everything was done. How could someone do that? ‘’I told you, don’t worry. I’m gonna make a lil’ spell that will give your memories back and you’ll remember everything. And then we’re gonna have so much fun, Lis.’’

His last murmur was finished with a kiss. A harsh, ruthless kiss. Actually, she wasn’t even sure if she could call it a kiss; teeth against each other, his vicious mouth pressed to her weakened lips, his tongue invading her like a robber and showing an unrequited dominance.

‘’Dean!’’ Your voice resonated stridently, louder than the door Sam had stormed open. You couldn’t believe what your eyes witnessed. ‘’Stop it!’’

Dean groaned, as if you and Sam were stepping on his territory. He simply turned his head to you two, not pulling away from Lisa. You couldn’t see her face, your boyfriend’s large shoulder and tall body covering her up. His eyes were still green, which set the scene in an even more atrocious light. 

Your thoughts were racing. How could he come to her, crave her so badly that he drove away miles and miles as a demon? He was supposed not to feel a thing. You prepared yourself for a cold man, not an obsessive one. Apparently, a heart hidden under the black smoke. Choose if it's a gift or Pandora's box. Sam told you their history. Of course he would want that and not you. Dean never left Lisa because he fell out of love for her, he was ripped out from her life. You were so pissed at yourself; how could you picture playing the woman in his veins? How stupid were you? He may be a demon guided by wants and not emotions, but what was love but an amount of outrageous desires laced up with some pretty words and flavored with dependency?

‘’Y/N and Sammy--’’

Love was the wrong word here. Anyway. Go head and unwrap it.

‘’Please help me!’’ Lisa’s voice came to life once more through her quiet cry. Dean hardened the hold around her throat, making her cough a little.

Suddenly, your body is frozen. That, whatever that is, whatever he’s doing to Lisa. It wasn’t love. She didn’t want it. When his frame moved to face you and Sam, you caught a glimpse of her face. She was petrified, her delicate features contorted in wrath and fear and beg for help.

‘’Quiet.’’ Dean howled, glancing at her rapidly before his eyes fell on you and Sam again. ‘’You two are such killjoys. I told you to let me go.’’

You couldn’t believe what you were witnessing. You wanted to puke your guts out.

‘’And what? Kill your ex? Or do something even worse to her?’’ You elicited with disgust.

‘’She’ll come around eventually. Just playing hard to get. You know how frisky women are.’’ The corner of his lips curved into a barbaric grim, one of his hands touching Lisa’s cheek. The victim winced at the touch. ‘’Besides, I’m not just gonna take her. I’ll make her remember and she’ll want me.’’ He shrugged, unbothered by the horrified looks of everyone in the room. ‘’Are you really worried about Lis, Y/N? Or are you just jealous that I didn’t go for you?’’

‘’Enough, Dean.’’ Sam groaned, holding the gun up. It felt oily. ‘’Let her go. And come with us.’’

The demon tossed the brunette away with a simple sleight of hand, pulling his sleeves up with a marred beam. His eyes switched from starry green to black, showing his true facette. It was a peculiar relief. It wasn’t Dean. It wasn’t Dean. It wasn’t Dean.

Yet, Dean’s gruff voice said in a twisted playful tone:

‘’Come get me, Sammy.’’

Dean Winchester was cured. For most people, to heal is to let go or to learn with things. In the doctor’s case, healing is leaving a bruise to cover up a wound. Everyone believed the war started and ended, and that was it. But when something so ravaging is gone, you gotta deal with the trauma.

He was a trauma. Cured from a sickness, drowning in sorrow and waves of woe. All the worst things Dean ever did, he knew now, weren’t to himself or to the monster he so proudly killed. His unspoken acts were against the people he cared about.

The hunter never thought his hands, his bruised and tough hands could ever hurt Lis. The woman who was his lifeline when Sam died, who allowed him to be a father and live in his dreamland of suburban life. All she ever did was to love him, and what did she get for it?

He was disgusted with himself. What almost did to her was enough to hunt him and make him sure he was going back to hell, very deserving this time. Threating to do that to a woman, and enjoy it… Dean couldn’t bear driving into memories. He was selfishly glad he didn’t remember about that, only Sam’s explanation was enough: he went to Lisa, he kissed her without her consent, and Sam and you stopped him going any further. Would his unscrupulous, demon self go ahead? He was too scared to wonder, even though his brother said that he apparently had a spell to make Lis remember and wasn’t planning on just taking her. A forced kiss was disgusting enough. He just wished Sam had put a bullet in his black eyes right there.

You walked in the bathroom that you once shared with the eldest Winchester

She was everything he ever wanted, all the suburban dreams and acceptance of hunter reality without being in it. Lisa loved him completely and you could only love him sideways-- you never wanted to be a mom, or to have a family or live in a suburb. Those were valid goals, just not yours. You thought you and Dean were on the same page about it, but this other side, not only the pervert demon but the domestic man, hadn’t been shown to you until a couple days ago. Sam had cured his brother, his dirty nature washed away with holy water, but you couldn’t help the bruises that came from the dog days. Lisa had her memory erased by Cass again, you didn’t have the same unfair luxury.

‘’Dean.’’ You said, making him look up at you. Bags under his eyes and wrinkles more evident than ever. ‘’We need to talk.’’

He sighed and wiped his face. ‘’Y/N, I don’t want to talk right now.’’

‘’You never do.’’ You scoffed, gaining an incredulous glance from him. ‘’I know that what happened was disgusting and sick and the worst thing you could ever do, but we need to talk.’’

He took a deep breath. ‘’What do you wanna talk about?’’

‘’You went to her.’’ You stated as a lawyer in front of a jury. Dean furrowed.

‘’What?’’

‘’Lisa. You went to her.’’ When the arrow hit someone so damaged, it was like an animal with his teeth there that wouldn't let go. Yeah, his human soul wasn't the same brittle glass as before but it lingered in his demon self in the shape of delusion, and it was distorted by whatever he was made of, violence and darkness, and turned into something disgusting. ‘’You love her.’’

‘’Love?’’ The word burned his tongue, Dean didn’t think he had the right to ever use it again. ‘’I was a demon, Y/N. I didn’t love or feel anything. What I did--’’

‘’You didn’t do anything.’’ You interrupted, loyal as a soldier.

‘’I forced a kiss on her and wanted to bring her memories back to have sex with her. That’s disgusting and I did half of that.’’ He pointed out aggitadly, plump lips moving fast and voice deeper. ‘’It wasn’t love. Leaving her years back was love.’’

You didn’t miss how Dean didn’t even dare to say her name. ‘’So you don’t think about her? Not even once?’’

He scoffed humourless. ‘’Are you kidding me?’’

‘’I guess I should have been more like her.’’ You hugged yourself, glancing at the wall. You didn’t want to cry in front of him. Not again, not for another woman. That wasn’t even your cicatrix to ache. 

‘’Y/N, what the fuck are you talking about?’’ The fully green eyed man raised to his feet, glancing at you with disbelief. He couldn’t face how messed up it was. ‘’I can’t believe you are jealous of what happened. I thought I was the broken one here.’’

‘’I’m not her.’’ You two shared it, the glance that only two women who were hurt by the same man could. You both understood that when he got inside you, it was like the syringe in an eutanasia. Once you were happy because you loved him, now you were scared and not so sure this was what you wanted. ‘’I’m not her and you knew it. When you became just instincts and selfish and did whatever you wanted, you didn’t come to me. You came to her.’’

‘’I hurt her.’’

The next words fly out of your mouth, as weak and totaled as you felt: ‘’Why didn’t you hurt me?’’

‘’This is the most unhealthy shit we ever went through.’’ Dean’s right. You have her expression mesmerized on your brain. Dean was the man on top of her, teaching her how to hate. How to fear. You can’t trust yourself. ‘’I can’t believe you.’’

‘’Neither can I.’’ You were so sick. How ravaged and annihilated one had to be to wish to be a demon's object of obsession? To get jealous that another woman almost died in the arms of a beast that cried his blood out once he came back to being a man and saw what he had done? ‘’I hate it. I hate feeling like this. I was there and I saw how scared of you she was, how all she wanted was to push you away and run because she was so disgusted--’’

‘’Stop.’’ He groaned, but it came out more like a whine than anything. ‘’It wasn’t me. I would never hurt Lis. I would never force her to do anything! I--’’

You gave him a sad smile. ‘’You love her.’’

‘’I love you.’’ Dean approached you, fumbling in despair to fix yet another thing his hands destroyed. If Rome was built in ruins, he was a kingdom. You pulled away before his tough hands landed on you.

‘’But you love her too.’’ The hunter stopped on his spot, unable to answer. ‘’I ruined myself for you, Dean. I can’t-- I won’t do that again. You are right. This is unhealthy. The fact that you’ve been pining for her for so long, pushing down those feelings to the point they are twisted into something so cruel and disgusting. You need help.’’ What kind of ugly you have to have inside you for a monster to love you? And, even worse, what kind of sickness you have trapped, written in your blood to want it to be spilled out in his name? ‘’You really are venom. If this is how you love, it’s scary as fuck.’’ When you loved a broken man, you were never sure if his shattered pieces would glisten or cut your hand once the light came in. Here’s your answer. His parts crawled inside you through pulled up scars, scraping your insides to make into ruins, but you never liked Rome much. You had to be better than that. ‘’Goodbye, Dean.’’

He couldn’t bring himself to go after your steps.

Once again, it’s the kind of freedom no traveler wants. When you lost it all and didn't have any person or place to cling to, when you had to leave because you were becoming the girl you swore you’d never leave, when you walked away willingly without a map.

Still, it was all you had. You’d make a good use of it. You’d be okay. No more ugly emotions or sentiments that made you unrecognizable. No more knives that cut both ways, or situations so complicated you weren’t sure where your morals could rely on.

You’d be okay, healthy, and happy.

You’d be okay.

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[fanfic-chan]

hi there! if the requests are still open, could i request for a ler!mama midnight and a lee!momo? perhaps momo is really upset over a failed grade or a bad week! if you do this, thank you! :D

Tysm for sending this ask! I feel like Mama Midnight doesn't get nearly enough attention, and it was really fun to write for her! I hope you like it!^^

Perfectly Imperfect

Ler: Mama Midnight

Lee: Momo

"Hey Momo, are you coming?"

"Oh, um, yes of course! You guys go on ahead without me, I'll catch up in a moment! I just need to pack my things."

"Ok, no problem! See you at the dorms!"

As soon as the last of her classmates had left, Momo slumped in her seat, picking up the piece of paper from her art history test to look at it once more. 

79%

That was her grade.

To anyone else, this might not have been such a big deal. It was still a passing grade, and it wouldn't hurt her overall grade average to badly.

But for her, the girl who strived for absolute perfection, the girl who had never gotten a grade below 87%, well, it was rather disheartening.

What's worse is the fact that she'd felt so confident during the test. She might have had self-confidence issues in other areas, but academics was not one of them. She'd always done well in school, and took great pride in her ability to retain information.

So… Why had she done so poorly this time?..

"Yaoyorozu? What are you still doing in here?"

She jerked her head up suddenly to be met with the concerned gaze of her teacher, Miss Midnight. 

 "O-Oh! Miss Midnight! I- I was just- j-just!.."

She covered her mouth as she realized how trembly her voice was, and she was completely mortified when she realized tears were streaming down her cheeks.

"I- I'm so sorry! I-"

She didn't even have time to finish her frantic apologies before she was suddenly wrapped in a warm embrace, and she stiffened for a moment in shock before relaxing into her teacher's touch.

"Miss Midnight I-"

"Shh. Just let it all out alright? Your fine Yaoyorozu."

Her teacher's tone was uncharacteristically firm, yet gentle. Much like her own mother's. That comparison alone was enough to make her break, and she sobbed into the hero's shoulder, all the while being hushed and soothed by the woman.

It took a while, and Momo wasn't sure how long they'd stayed that way until finally her cries had lessened into small whimpers, and she pulled away.

"I'm sor-"

"Nuh uh, none of that now. It's my job as your teacher to look out for you alright? Now, what's the matter hm? Is it something you feel you can talk about?"

The creation hero hesitated for a moment before nodding slowly, looking down at her lap.

"I… I got a 79 on my test and I- I know it's not a bad grade, and I should be greatful! But… But.. I've just.. never gotten such a low score before… It's silly, selfish even, to think this way. I know that! But I still feel terrible about it, like I've let everyone down. I'm supposed to be this perfect girl, and I do try, but it's just so hard sometimes and I promise I'm not trying to let everyone down but I am anyway and-"

"Your wrong."

"W-what?.."

"Your wrong. You don't have to be perfect Yaoyorozu. No one is, and no one ever will be. I realize that you have a tremendous amount of pressure on you, as do all UA students, to set an example for the world. However, I also realize another thing, and I want you to look at me when I say this."

At this point, she paused to take the girl's hands in her own, and the young hero in training locked her onyx-colored eyes with her teacher's own blue ones, which were shockingly intense.

"You couldn't be a more perfect you, than you already are, Yaoyorozo. Your an amazing vice-rep, and you show such an amazing amount of dedication in everything that you do that it truly astounds your teachers. Yes, even that grumpy Aizawa. Getting a lower grade than you hoped does feel terrible, yes, but just know that it doesn't affect how any of us see you. Your classmates will still look up to you, and your teacher's will still support and encourage you in your journey. Don't forget that alright?"

Momo couldn't help but stare in awe at her teacher for a moment before her breath hitched, and she practically jumped into her teacher's arms once more, whispering small 'thank you's' between her quiet crying as she did so.

The woman simply held her, and began to rub small soothing circles into her back. Well, they would have been soothing, if not for the slightly familiar sensation that accompanied them.

"M-Mihiss Midnihihight."

"Hm?.."

"Th-Thahahat tickles!"

The rubbing stopped for a moment, as her teacher seemed to take in that information, but instead of stopping, she simply grinned and started up again, feigning ignorance. After all, her student could use some cheering up about now. 

"Tickles? I'm afraid I don't know what your talking about Yaoyorozo."

"Y-yehes you dohoho!"

"Nope. I've never heard of that word before. Hmm. Now if only there were a smart girl around here to tell me what that means."

Momo couldn't help but laugh at her teacher's teasing, and giggled softly as she continued to trace light, ticklish circles into her back. She knew she was baiting her into admitting she was smart, into complimenting herself.

It was working.

"T-tihihickles: it means to lihihightly touch a person in a way that causes a tihihihingling sensahation and oftehen lahahaughter."

"Oh thank goodness! It turns out there was a smart girl here to tell me after all! How amazing!"

Finally she stopped, and helped the poor girl up to her feet, soft titters of laughter still bubbling up as she helped her to clean her face up.

"Your perfect just as you are Creati. Don't forget that. Now run along and see your friends. We wouldn't want them to be worried."

As Momo stepped out of the classroom, she felt a sudden wave of gratitude for her teacher, and she couldn't help feeling sorry that not many people got to see this side of her. She truly was an amazing person, inside and out, and she really wanted to show her how much she appreciated her encouragement.

So if the next morning the hero found a pretty card with a note of thanks inside and a vase of her favorite flowers on her desk, well, she was pretty sure that would get the message across just fine.

[anncanta]

Ouroboros

Fandom: Dracula (2020)

Characters: Count Dracula, Agatha Van Helsing

Relationship: Dracula/Agatha Van Helsing

Rating: Mature

@alma37 @hopipollahorror @khyruma @ravenathantum @flutteringphalanges

Read on AO3

Or read below

Reflections of flame splashed across the walls in golden arabesques.

A naked man, covered in blood and slime, bent over to Agatha and stared at her.

‘One. It doesn't take much. One of them is enough for me to get inside,’ he said in an insinuating tone, holding up a long finger with a pointed nail.

‘You have it,’ Agatha said before she could grasp the meaning of her words.

Dracula raised an eyebrow.

‘I'll go with you if you leave them alone,’ she added, suppressing the panic that flared in her chest.

Squinting, Dracula tilted his head.

‘Leave them?’

Agatha nodded silently.

He stepped to the right, stopped, looking at the still-standing nuns with stakes in trembling hands.

‘So many possibilities... So many different tastes,’ he drawled slowly. ‘Why do you think you are worth all of them?’

Oh, she didn't think so. That's why she offered herself, Lord. Agatha thought feverishly.

‘All these women... have renounced earthly pleasures. They renounced desires, occupations, everything that makes up an ordinary life. What kind of memories will you get from them?’ Seeing the doubt on Dracula's face, she said quickly. ‘Stories of hard work, fasting, and prayer?’

Dracula ran a finger over his lips in thought.

‘The Mother Superior has a bad heart,’ Agatha continued, avoiding looking back. ‘Do you want to try aching pain and bitter herbal infusions?’

He was silent, and this gave Agatha confidence.

‘I saw a lot, learned a lot while traveling in my youth. I read many books and met different people. I know three languages, and... and in the end, if you eat me, you will learn something!’ She concluded angrily.

A completely boyish smile blossomed on Dracula's face.

Taking a step back to Agatha, he held out a blood-smeared hand.

Without giving herself time to be frightened and change her mind, Agatha put her hand in it. Very slowly, Dracula moved, dragging her along, until the gates of the monastery were behind her.

‘Agatha Van Helsing,’ Dracula said, looking into her eyes. ‘I'll make you last.’

With these words, he turned around and, still holding her hand in his, moved forward. After walking a few meters, he frowned and turned around.

‘You have a hungry vampire in your cell on the third floor. And with him is a wounded woman. If you want to save one of them, choose – whom and take care of it.’

***

It was cold in the castle.

Agatha did not remember when she was so cold. There were cold nights in the monastery; in especially harsh winters, the Mother Superior canceled evening services, because the floor and walls in the chapel were covered with frost. ‘The Lord will forgive me for such heresy,’ she said, ‘but He will not forgive me if, out of ostentatious obstinacy, I allow my neighbors to catch a cold and die.’ Many sisters condemned her. Agatha just smiled.

Finding herself in Dracula's castle, she reluctantly admitted to herself that she had never known anything about the cold before.

Agatha froze on the stairs, chattered her teeth in the room, shook in the corridors. She was chilly in the hall, shivering at the table in the main hall. And she considered it a blessing since there was a burning fireplace in the main hall.

The cold ate her food, making its way under the skin, forcing her to ruffle and walk from corner to corner. In motion, she slightly warmed up. Tired, she sat down to take a breath – and it all started all over again.

It seemed, Dracula did not notice her discomfort. Or rather, not that he noticed her. As far as Agatha could understand from their conversations (the conversations were a little distracting from the cold, so she tremendously appreciated them), he was preparing to move to England and was completely carried away by his daily affairs. When Agatha could not stand it and complained that because of the cold air in the room she could not sleep, he invited her to close the windows for the night, and the next evening he brought a sheepskin blanket. But the sheepskin stank so terribly that it overcame even the fear of dying of a cold.

With this something needs to be done, wandering half asleep at night along the corridor, thought Agatha. She herself did not know where she was going, but it was unbearable to stay in her room. It would be better if he killed her right away, she mused wearily. Anything is better than such torment.

The question of why Dracula still did not touch her worried her most of all – after the cold. When they got to the castle, Agatha waited for a hideous scene, perhaps right in the lobby or in the main hall, and honestly prepared herself to die with dignity.

After closing the large wooden door behind them, Dracula pointed to Agatha in the direction of the stairs, briefly explained how to get to the guest room, and turned around and left. And she remained – confused, tired and frightened – more than she was ready to admit to herself.

Agatha quickened her pace as she passed the grim portrait on the right wall.

Dracula was not distinguished by restraint and self-control. She could be convinced of this in the monastery. It seemed a miracle that he had not eaten her on the first evening, but it could be attributed to his own tiredness and satiety with the impressions of the cruel game. But couldn't he later...

She turned a corner and, rounding an antique cupboard, moved on until she stopped in front of a large black barrier. Agatha almost swore – wandering half asleep, it seems, she came to the bedroom of Dracula himself.

‘Do you go out at night, Sister Agatha?’

She looked up.

‘What do you want me to do? I still can't sleep. In my room…’

Dracula gave her a thoughtful look and pushed open the massive door.

‘You can sleep with me,’ he shrugged. ‘I have a blanket too.’

‘Sheepskin?’ Agatha asked resignedly.

‘A wool blanket,’ Dracula replied. He entered the room, leaving the door ajar.

Agatha stood on the threshold for a while and hesitantly stepped inside.

The room was spacious with a high ceiling. The fireplace was off, but a thick woolen blanket covered the large bed with a massive canopy. A door ajar in the far corner led into another room – perhaps a parlor or a library.

‘Aren't you sleeping in a stone sarcophagus?’ Agatha asked, looking at Dracula, who was sitting on the bed.

‘Only when I get tired of society,’ he smiled. ‘No,’ he continued in response to the look of impatient displeasure on her face. ‘I don't need the sarcophagus for sleep. This is an ancient tomb with a substrate from the Transylvanian soil. I sleep in it when I want to heal my wounds. The day before Jonathan found me there, I ran into peasants in the woods.’

‘I hope they beat you properly,’ Agatha said sincerely, going up to one of the chairs by the fireplace and sinking into it. And she shuddered – the leather upholstery was cold as ice. Only pride prevented Agatha from jumping up immediately.

Dracula, watching her from his seat, said nothing. He kicked off his shoes, climbed into bed, and threw back the covers to his right.

‘Well, are you going?’

The chair creaked under Agatha, who was leaning back.

‘Are you seriously offering me?..

‘I offer you a blanket,’ interrupted Dracula. ‘The only warm wool blanket in this room,’ he reminded indifferently. ‘I am ready to share with you a cozy bed,’ Dracula paused. ‘Or did you expect me to give it up to you and sleep in an armchair?’

Agatha, who had expected exactly that, remained silent with dignity.

‘If you don’t want to, stay where you are,’ Dracula shrugged his shoulders and pulled the blanket higher. ‘You will get warm from the candle on the table. Good night, Sister Agatha.’ He turned away and closed the bed curtain.

Agatha sat in confusion for a while. Her first impulse was to immediately get up and leave. But that would have strengthened Dracula's confidence in the victory of his irrepressible ego, so she just straightened angrily and lifted her nose.

It didn't last long, however.

How did anyone manage to survive in this castle, she thought irritably, getting out of the chair and stretching her arms and legs, numb from sitting in the same position and cold. Not surprisingly, the only inhabitant here is a vampire.

She cautiously walked forward as quietly as she could, approached the curtain of the bed, and pushed it back.

Dracula looked peacefully asleep and did not seem to hear her maneuvers.

For a moment Agatha gazed suspiciously at the impassive beautiful face, and then, having made up her mind and as if diving into the water, threw back the blanket and ducked under it.

The warmth that seized her almost immediately stunned Agatha. She had not felt the usual, physical warmth for so long. She missed it for so long and so desperately. Closing her eyes, she allowed herself to completely immerse herself in it.

At first, the man's hands dropped on her shoulders do not distract her at all. Agatha lies there, enjoying the warmth and comfort, the long-awaited opportunity to let go of the tension, and the soft embrace of someone seems like a casual dream. Until...

‘Why are you warm?’ Agatha asks, opening her eyes.

She lies straight without moving. Escape still will not work.

‘What's so strange about that?’ Dracula's voice with a quiet breath – fleeting, unnecessary – slides down her cheek.

‘The books say that vampires…’

‘You read too much,’ he grins. ‘I am the same... in general, a living organism, like any other. Like a human being. Agatha, think,’ Dracula added impatiently, grabbing her with his left hand tighter, ‘I need food.’

‘Everything that eats gives off heat,’ Agatha murmured thoughtfully.

Dracula grunted approvingly. Again, his breath bit her lightly – now at the top of her neck.

‘If you're going to eat now…’ she began hoarsely.

‘Now I'm going to sleep,’ Dracula interrupted her. He moved, pulling her closer to him, literally surrounding her.

He was warm and large. Dangerous and predatory, Agatha reminded herself. The fear that accompanied her all this time in the castle again doused her with an icy wave – and retreated.

‘Why?’ Agatha asked Dracula, not knowing what.

‘Because I'm a vile, unpredictable monster,’ Dracula purred. ‘Sleep, Agatha,’ he said and buried his nose in her neck.

Asleep, she realized, dumbfounded.

For a couple of minutes Agatha lay, listening to the silence and rare breathing of Dracula, until, warming up and finally exhausted, she also fell asleep.

***

Agatha woke up contented and refreshed. Stretching slowly, she got up and turned on the other side. And then she froze in fright. She sat down sharply and looked around.

She was in her room, lying in bed. Turning her head, Agatha frowned. She clearly remembered that she had fallen asleep in the Count's bedroom. Did she dream about it, or what?

No, she was not dreaming, thought Agatha, absentmindedly running her hand over the wool blanket in which she had wrapped herself so greedily the day before. Again she glanced across the room and stared at the fireplace.

The fireplace was lit and the wood crackled softly in it.

Agatha rubbed her face wearily with her hands. What a stupid game? Climbing out of bed, she went to the fireplace. A uniform heat emanated from the scarlet flame.

Everything that had happened to her over these weeks collapsed on Agatha at once, and she realized that she could not go on.

...

‘Why are you torturing me?’

Standing with his back to the entrance to the great hall, Dracula turned around.

‘Good morning, Agatha,’ he said politely.

Agatha ignored the greeting.

‘Why haven't you eaten me yet?’ standing in the doorway, she asked.

Dracula looked at her attentively and silently.

‘I did not expect nobility from you. But how dare you torture me?’

‘Agatha, are you frozen over again? I must admit, when I brought you here, I didn’t take into account…’

She must have looked so miserable that he did not go on.

‘Come here.’

Now they were separated by a little less than a step. Looking up, Agatha said quietly:

‘You'd better tore me to pieces. It would be better if you grabbed my throat there, at the monastery. But to live day after day in this cold…’

‘In your room…’

Shaking her head, Agatha wiped away a tear with her hand.

‘Living day after day, waiting to be bitten... It's too much even for me. Too much even for you.’

There was a silence.

‘It's easy to sacrifice yourself in a passionate impulse,’ Agatha said wearily. ‘While you are at your peak, and fear does not torment but intoxicates. But when the fog clears and you stay... However,’ she smiled sadly and bitterly. ‘You promised to make me last.’

He looked at her for a while, squinting.

‘What did Jonathan tell you?’

Agatha grimaced.

‘That you came to him at night... He fell asleep, he dreamed of Mina... And then it turned out that it was you.’ Agatha hesitated. ‘You were then…’

‘I was old then.’

‘I do not think that something would have changed if you were young.’

Dracula laughed.

‘Who knows.’

He brushed aside the hair from her left shoulder and asked:

‘What exactly scares you?’

‘Why do you need this?’

‘As far as I could figure out, there are two types of visions of victims – what a person desperately wants, and what he or she is afraid of.’

‘Jonathan missed his fiancée,’ Agatha said.

‘And his feelings brought to life a fantasy of a night of love. If you see what you want,’ Dracula smiled, ‘the image of myself with an aspen stake in my chest awaits me. I'll get over it. But I don't want to be part of your nightmares.’

‘Does it spoil the taste?’

Instead of answering, he ran his finger along her nose, from nasal bridge to the tip.

‘Curiosity killed the cat,’ he said cheerfully and bent down to her neck.

Her vision was clouded with fog, Agatha felt cold, then hot, then everything began to spin...

Opening her eyes, she found that she was lying on a huge bed, naked, and Dracula, completely naked, hung over her.

For a couple of long moments, Agatha just silently looked into his eyes.

‘Sorry, I didn’t understand,’ Dracula said. ‘Is it a wish or a nightmare?’