#need memes references to police couple

[lorenzocarrera01]

It's been fun lately to read about that pair getting into adventures in the name of the law.

[philcoulsonismyhero]

Self-indulgent gay crime thriller for the wip meme

Ah yes, my beloved Detective Thing(TM) that I really need to properly title...

I've talked about this one before, and it's basically the result of two lines of thought, number one being: 'I know this crime drama is from the early 2000s and thus is Not going to have queer people in it but Please can I just have one (1) queer hero in this genre? For once? For me?' There's something about the genre conventions of older crime dramas that I just enjoy, but it is Exhausting in that particular regard and I started contemplating the idea of Doing It Myself.

And the other slightly less serious one coming from the fact that I got back into Kingsman while I was also on a Silent Witness kick and had the thought 'isn't it funny how many of my favourite characters are called Harry? Oh no, hang on a minute, I think Harry Hart is exactly the type that Harry Cunningham would have an enormous hopeless crush on...' (Harry Cunningham isn't technically canon bi, but. He is. He just is.)

So I rattled those two characters around in my brain a bit until the serial numbers came off and suddenly a whole story had built itself around the resulting characters, initially referred to in my outline as Doctor and Detective. (And I'm not very interested in writing active romance plotlines, so they became an established couple instead.)

The resulting thing has been snowballing in my brain, picking up complexity and structure and other characters and Themes, and now it's the story of George Glen, detective chief inspector in London's Metropolitan Police in 2005 and closeted gay man who lives with his partner, forensic pathologist Dr Tim Kingswood, who he frequently works with on cases with none of his colleagues being any the wiser as to their actual relationship. George, working with his brilliant Detective Sergeant Naomi Edusei and Tim as the designated pathologist, ends up lead detective on a complicated murder case that slowly develops into a serial killer investigation. But things get more complicated as certain elements of the case start to feel a little close to home for George, who's keeping rather more secrets than just his orientation and home life, and eventually the finger of suspicion starts to drift in his direction...

I love this story, it's basically me having a go at doing Silent Witness, Criminal Minds and various other crime thrillers all at once, and I'm extremely fond of George as a protagonist. Here's a bit I think you'll enjoy, featuring George and Tim's cat, named The Usual Suspect for his habit of doing Cat Crimes:

George stared at the file, lost in memory, until he heard a soft scrabbling at the door. He sighed.  “Go away, Suspect,” he said, softly. “I'm working.” But, unsurprisingly, the cat ignored him and kept scrabbling. George rolled his eyes and pushed his chair back. “If you leave scratch marks on that door, cat, you and I are going to have a conversation that you won't enjoy.” He got up, crossed to the office door, and opened it a crack, balancing on one foot so he could hold the other in front of the gap to stop the cat from getting in.  The Usual Suspect stopped scraping his paws on the door like he was trying to dig through it and looked up at George with his ridiculous lamp-like eyes. “Go and sleep on Tim,” said George, still keeping his voice low because of the late hour. “I'm working.” But the cat just meowed back at him and kept staring. “Oh, alright,” said George, giving in. He moved his foot, and quick as a flash Suspect had slid past his ankles and into the room.  George crossed back to his desk and sat down, and Suspect immediately jumped up into his lap, purring like a lawnmower. George laughed slightly, unable to keep pretending he was cross with him. “You are such an attention hog,” he said, scratching the cat's ears as he rubbed his little head against his hand. “How am I supposed to get anything done with you around, hm? I could charge you with obstructing a criminal investigation.” Scooting his chair back in slightly, although not enough to squash Suspect up against the desk, George went one-handedly back to the files, keeping the other hand occupying the cat. Maybe it would be nice to have some furry company as he navigated the darker corners of memory lane. 

(Technically this thing is probably going to be a comic rather than a novel, but I've been writing bits in prose just to get a handle on character voices and such, and because I'm more familiar with prose than script format. But it exists in my head as a visual thing and I can't make a TV miniseries so comic it probably is.)

[yunoteru4ever]

So there's apparently a meme going around where people evaluate how characters would do if they were asked to solve the Kira case from Death Note. Which is can they figure out how the death note works and they can solve the case? Some characters can do one but not the other. So my question is Yuno and Yuki working together where would you place them? See I think as a team they could probably beat Light.

I have to assume you're picturing Yuno and Yuki as still being human. Because if either or both of them has already reached deity status, this showdown is pretty one-sided in their favor. :P

Unfortunately, I think a showdown between Yuno and Yuki as humans against Light is heavily weighted against the couple. Yuno and Yuki have a major disadvantage in that their names are very much public record. Light's primary rivals are people who go by aliases, people whose names are buried within isolated records — because then he can't just write their names down in the Death Note kill them easy-peasy. Even Yuno and Yuki step out with new aliases, it's not like there's NOT still going to be recent record of their names to dredge up pretty easily.

Another factor is that if they're going to be investigating the mysterious "Kira," they're either going to be recruited to do so by the police or will need to access police records to investigate what is known about the killings before they got involved. In either situation, it's logical to assume that they're going to be contacted by the Sakurami City police and/or access the Kira records via the Sakurami police. And Sakurami City's police have a serious corruption problem. I don't just mean Kurusu/Fourth's heel-turn. I'm mostly thinking about cops who are loyal to Eleventh to the point that they'll kill kids and/or teenagers for the mayor if he so desires. So even if the Kira Investigation Task Force tries to keep these young recruits on the DL and not publicly reference that they've obtained new resources, I don't think it'll take much coercion from Light to get the names of his new opponents.

But ultimately, even if he doesn't know these new recruits exist initially because he doesn't know to be looking into or bribing any Sakurami City cops, the record will show that Light always figures out whenever an investigation gets close to him. It always winds up with those parties looking into him, his school, the people around him, etc... which grows increasingly hard to NOT notice. And again: Once they're noticed, Yuno and Yuki's names aren't going to be hard to find.

I suppose the one thing that might work to their favor is if they get to still have their future diaries with them. If Yuki's diary in particular is still in the mix, they might have a decent shot of staying out of his notice while manuevering around him. But still... the diary only tells you of events soon to occur. If Light finds out about them and decides to sit on that for a bit before he kills them in order to better obscure his culpability? They're fucked all over again.

You get the idea: No matter how I slice it, I'm not loving Yunoteru's chances here. :( To their credit, they'd probably figure out how the Death Note works without too much difficulty given their own dealings with supernatural beings and powers. I just don't know that they'll get much farther than that.

[cyarsk52-20]

Sometimes people are responsible for the destruction of their own careers. This is one examples.

The Only Person To Blame For Tory Lanez's 10 Year Jail Sentence Is Tory Lanez

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As The Root reported, Tory Lanez was sentenced Tuesday (August 8) to 10 years in prison for shooting Megan Thee Stallion. The final outcome regarding this violent incident, which happened in 2020, has some folks on social media  saying that a decade is an extreme sentence for the assault. Whether if you agree with that assessment or not, one thing is certain: Lanez brought this  entirely on himself.

When the shooting first happened, Megan denied being shot at all and told authorities she’d stepped on glass even though she would need surgery on her feet to remove bullet fragments. She explained that she did this to protect everyone with her inside the vehicle that night, as the police are known to disproportionately have fatal encounters with Black folks.

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The rapper legitimately feared that this would happen if police knew Lanez was in possession of a weapon. However, in an Instagram Live video, Meg explained Lanez’s publicist was spreading false information about the shooting which led to her to name Lanez as the perpetrator. Even though he was arrested in October 2020 on a charge of carrying a concealed weapon in a vehicle, he was not arrested for shooting Megan (Lanez would later be released on $35,000 bail).

Not only did Lanez avoid any sort of accountability, he repeatedly professed his innocence by insisting that Megan was a liar. Lanez released the album DAYSTAR just two months after the violent incident in which he accused her of trying to frame him. On  “Money Over Fallouts,” he stated, “Megan people tryna frame me for a shootin’....Gotta see a couple questions: how the f**k you get shot in your foot, don’t hit no bones or tendons?” 

According to Billboard, a source close to the situation accused Lanez’s team of fabricating emails from Meg’s label, 300 Entertainment, to “campaign press” on his behalf. The magazine also said the source claimed the star’s team made up text messages between Lanez and Megan and sent them to several outlets. The magazine also said that Lanez also leveraged his following on social media to bully Meg. 

The Traumazine rapper was tormented for years following the shooting, and Lanez played a heavy hand in it. From memes ridiculing the incident, posts mocking Meg’s gender and claims that she deserved to be shot, Megan was bullied when she should have been healing. To add insult to injury, celebrities from Drake to 50 Cent to Lebron James to Meek Mill boosted Lanez when they should have been showing support to Meg. 

In 2021, prosecutors said they had engaged in “meaningful discussions” with Lanez about a possible plea deal but nothing materialized and the case went to trial last year (charges were brought against Lanez by the state, not Meg). Once it did, things quickly unraveled for him. From Megan taking the stand to an audio recording of Lanez seemingly confessing to the shooting, a guilty verdict felt inevitable.

Lanez’s request for a new trial was denied in May as well as his request  to remove the judge from the case. During his sentencing, Lanez pleaded for leniency and presented 76 character reference letters as proof of his inherently good nature. He also spoke for several minutes and called Megan “someone I still care for dearly to this day.” 

However, in a witness impact statement from Megan read during sentencing, she explained how Lanez tried to destroy her and that mercy is for people who show remorse. For the last three years, Lanez has made this ordeal much worse for himself by refusing to take responsibility for what he did to Meg and still won’t own up to his behavior. During the sentencing, he stated that if he was guilty of assaulting Meg alcoholism and childhood trauma was to blame.

Ultimately, Lanez’s prison sentence was the result of him being worried more about his ego more than consequences of his actions—and  he’ll be paying for both for the next decade.

Blackness in your inbox daily. Subscribe to The Root.

[piratewithvigor]

My first thought in regard to every band that gets played on my radio station

ACDC: Every dad’s favourite band

Adams, Bryan: Every mom’s favourite singer until Michael Buble came along

Aerosmith: haha they thought Vince Neil was a lady

Alice Cooper: he’s a Game Of Thrones fanboy and I have proof

Alice In Chains: my sister doesn’t like them because she decided AC were Alice Cooper’s initials ONLY

Allman Brothers Band: good music for dropping acid to

Allman, Gregg: That’s too many Gs for one name

Animals: House Of The Rising Sun, or who even cares

Argent: Sometimes Hold Your Head Up is really catchy

Asia: Tuesdays

Autograph: one of the members went on to be a pharmacist

Bachman-Turner Overdrive: There are just so many pop culture jokes about Taking Care Of Business that whatever I say won’t be as funny

Bad Company: with their song; Bad Company, off their album; Bad Company

Benatar, Pat: Always getting her confused with Patti Smith

Black Crowes: I like them for Lickin, but it doesn’t seem to exist outside of one shoddy video on youtube and my old CD

Blackfoot: this band name feels kind of racy

Black Sabbath: Dio was not better or worse than Ozzy; just different

Blondie: I like Call Me, but Blondie confuses me stylistically

Blue Oyster Cult: MORE COWBELL

Bon Jovi: Hello, childhood trauma, I missed you

Boston: ONE GUY. ONE GUY DID IT ALL AND NO ONE KNOWS

Bowie, David: Don’t let your children watch The Man Who Fell To Earth, or David Bowie’s will end up being the third penis they see in life

Browne, Jackson: Another musician ruined by Supernatural

Buffalo Springfield: Jack Nicholson was at the riot they sing about

Burdon, Eric: no ideas, brain empty

Bush: ditto

Candlebox: ditto once more. Who are these people?

Cars: This band feels so gay and so straight at the same time, I can only assume they’re the poster children of bisexual panic

Cheap Trick: I played Dream Police on Guitar Hero so fucking much because it was the only song anyone who played with me could keep up with

Chicago: Chicago 30 exists, but they do not have 30 albums. Fucking riddle me that

Clapton, Eric: 6 discs in one Greatest Hits is too many. That’s called “re releasing your discography”

Cochrane, Tom: For some reason, everyone thinks Rascal Flats did it better

Cocker, Joe: Belushi did it right

Collective Soul: who?

Collins, Phil: If his biggest hits were done by MCR, they would be emo anthems, but because he’s 5′6″ and from the 80s, they’re not

Cream: *Vietnam flashbacks on the hippie side*

CCR: *Vietnam flashbacks on the war side*

CSNY: David Crosby; meh

Deep Purple: THEY’RE SO MUCH MORE THAN SMOKE ON THE WATER

Def Leppard: the only music for when you’re a heartbroken bitch but also a sexy one

Derek And The Dominos: Clapton and ‘Layla’ broke up

Derringer, Rick: Tom Petty if he was from the midwest

Dio: You thought it was an anime reference, but it was me, Dio

Dire Straits: You can tell how bigoted a radio station is based on how much of Money For Nothing they censor

Doobie Brothers: I have yet to smoke weed, but I listen to the Doobies, and I think that’s pretty close

Dylan, Bob: I take back everything I said about him in my youth

Eagles: Hotel California isn’t their best song, but the memes that come from it are second to none

Edgar Winter Group: @the--blackdahlia

Electric Light Orchestra: Actually an orchestra and sound a fuckton like George Harrison

ELO: I really hesitate to ask what happens with the 7 virgins and a mule

Essex, David: no prominent memories of him

Fabulous Thunderbirds: cannot spell

Faces: Who on earth thought that was a good album name?

Faith No More: I got nothing

Fixx: One Thing Leads To Another is a damn bop

Fleetwood Mac: I ain’t straight, but I’m simply not enough of a witch to enjoy them to full potential

Fogerty, John: He got sued cause he sounded like himself

Foghat: Slow Ride slowly becoming less coherent feels like a drug trip

Foo Fighters: He was just excited to buy a grill

Ford, Lita: deserved better

Foreigner: dramatically overplayed

Frampton, Peter: a masterful user of the talk box

Free: dramatically underplayed

Gabriel, Peter: leaving Genesis changed him a lot

Genesis: if someone likes Genesis, clarify the era, because yes, it does matter

Georgia Satellites: sing like you have a cactus in your ass

Golden Earring: Twilight Zone slaps, but it doesn’t slap as hard as this station thinks it does

Grand Funk Railroad: Funk

Grateful Dead: I like their aesthetic more than their music

Great White: there are so many fucking shark jokes

Greenbaum, Norman: makes me think of Subway for some reason

Green Day: the first of the emo revolution

Greg Kihn Band: RocKihnRoll is literally the most clever album name I’ve ever seen

Guns N Roses: They have more than three good songs, but radio stations never recognize that

Hagar, Sammy: I’m still trying to figure out where he lived to take 16 hours to get to LA driving 55 and how fucking fast was he driving beforehand?

Harrison, George: He went from religious to rock, and if he had continued rocking, he would have gotten too cool 

Head East: I respect people who use breakfast foods as album names

Heart: Magic Man and Barracuda are played at least once every goddamn day. They’re not even the best songs!

Hendrix, Jimi: I have both a cousin and a sibling named after Hendrix references

Henley, Don: Dirty Laundry gives me too much inspiration

Hollies: Somehow sound like they’re both from the 60s and the 80s at the same time

Idol, Billy: he’s doing well for himself

INXS: Terminator vibes

Iris, Donnie: knockoff Roy Orbison

James Gang: too many funks

Jane’s Addiction: if TMNT had a grunge band representative

Jefferson Airplane: *assorted cheers*

Jefferson Starship: *assorted boos*

Jethro Tull: The only band to make you feel not cool enough to play the flute

Jett, Joan: icon

J. Geils Band: I requested them on the radio once and it got played

Joel, Billy: he really did just air everybody’s business like that

John Cafferty And The Beaver Brown Band: literally wtf is that name

John, Elton: yarn Elton sits in my basement, unstaring. Please someone take him from me

Joplin, Janis: Queen

Journey: Stop overplaying Don’t Stop Believing. It takes away from the rest of the repetoire

Judas Priest: literally started the gay leather aesthetic

Kansas: another fucking band Supernatural stole

Kenny Wayne Shepherd: the man confuses me to the point where he isn’t in the right place alphabetically

Kiss: Mick Mars and I will simply have to disagree on the subject

Kravitz, Lenny: runaway vibes

Led Zeppelin: Fucking fight me if you don’t think they’re the most talented band (maybe not the most talented individually, but collectively, no one comes close)

Lennon, John: My least favourite Beatle for reasons

Live: I got nothin

Living Colour: slap a decent amount

Loverboy: do you not get TURNT the fuck up to the big Loverboy hits? Who hurt you??

Lynyrd Skynyrd: Sweet Home Alabama is a Neil Young diss track

Marshall Tucker Band: no opinion

Manfred Mann’s Earth Band: VERY STRONG OPINIONS THAT THEY AREN’T GOOD

McCartney, Paul/Wings: Power couple

Meatloaf: I have nothing but respect for a man who willingly named himself Meatloaf

Mellencamp, John: voted cutest lesbian of 1987

Metallica: I liked their appearance on Jimmy Fallon

Midnight Oil: I get them confused for Talking Heads a lot

Modern English: who?

Molly Hatchet: Hollies vibes, but also Georgia Satellites vibes

Money, Eddie: DAN AVIDAN, IF YOU SEE THIS, COVER TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT

Motley Crue: Stan Mick Mars and John Corabi. They’re the only ones who deserve it

Mott The Hoople: no one loves them except for David Bowie

Mountain: props for naming an album ‘Climbing’

Nazareth: I want to make a John Mulaney joke here, but I can never come up with one

Nicks, Stevie: witch queen

Night Ranger: I get them confused with Urge Overkill

Nirvana: Kurt Cobain was the ally grunge needed

Nova, Aldo: he’s Canadian, at least

Nugent, Ted: *serves a ghost as jerky*

Offspring: nothing here

Osbourne, Ozzy: this bitch crazy

Outfield: Your Love is kind of a sketchy song, but it slaps hard

Palmer, Robert: low quality Eddie Money

Pearl Jam: *grunts in Eddie Vedder*

Petty, Tom: I have so many feelings about Tom Petty and they are all good

Pink Floyd: which one is Pink?

Plant, Robert: solo career is a crapshoot, but his voice is unparalleled

Poison: I want them to write a song called ‘Alice Cooper’

Pretenders: I want to say good things, but I have nothing to say

Queen: A doctor of astrophysics, a screaming girl, a disco queen and a diva walk into a bar. It’s Queen; they’re there to play a gig

Queensryche: neutral opinion

Quiet Riot: they got big because of a song they hated. I love that

Rafferty, Gerry: the second-sexiest sax opening in all of music

Rainbow: Ritchie Blackmore created something very magnificent

Ram Jam: one good song and they didn’t even write it

Ratt: I’m sure they have more than Round And Round, but I don’t know it

RHCP: funky, but if you have paid money to hear them, you’re going to The Bad Place (I don’t make the rules)

Red Rider: basically Golden Earring

Reed, Lou: Walk On The Wild Side would be such a cool song if it wasn’t so dull

REM: American Tragically Hip

REO Speedwagon: Props for having a dad joke as an album title

Rolling Stones: Never in my life could I imagine the drummer being named anything but Charlie

Rush: How to make being uncool the coolest fucking shit

Santana: The world needs more Santana

Scandal: There’s something really funny about The Warrior being my brother’s “song” with his girlfriend

Scorpions: Was Wind Of Change written by the CIA? Only the spotify podcast I got an ad for once could say

Seger, Bob: A different variety of Eric Clapton (frankly a better variety, but that’s just me)

Simple Minds: we ALL forgot about you

Skid Row: Sebastian Bach is prettier than all of us

Soundgarden: music that makes you feel like you dunked your head underwater

Springsteen, Bruce: my arch-nemesis. Maybe someday, he’ll find out about it

Squeeze: according to my friends, the stupidest band name ever, but they’re theatre kids, so you know

Squier, Billy: If he can make it through 1984 alive, you can make it through whatever bad day you’re having

Stealers Wheel: Yet another band who I always mistake for George Harrison

Steely Dan: my house’s nickname for the Robber in Settlers Of Catan

Steppenwolf: Either makes me think of Jay & Silent Bob, Jack Nicholson, or that time I had to cut 6lbs of onions

Steve Miller Band: when you’re in the right mood, they slap hard

Stewart, Rod: my soundtrack to summer 2015

Stills, Stephen: Love The One You’re With Is Catchy, but the lyrics are questionable

Stone Temple Pilots: the only band to write a song about goo you smear on yourself

Stray Cats: an obscene amount of merch is available for them

Styx: Supernatural would have ruined them for me too if I hadn’t been into them previously. 

Supertramp: I hunted for Breakfast In America for two years and it was worth every hunt

Sweet: I will never understand my two-month obsession with Ballroom Blitz when I was 15, but it was legit all I listened to

Talking Heads: you may find yourself in a pizza hut. And you may find yourself in a taco bell. And you may find yourself at the combination pizza hut and taco bell. And you may ask yourself; ‘how did I get here?’

Temple Of The Dog: I keep confusing them for Nazareth

Ten Years After: somehow still relevant

Tesla: not the car or the dude

The Beatles: Evokes a lot of opinions from people. Mine is that I love them

The Clash: I showed my sister the ‘Lock The Taskbar’ vine ONCE and it still kills her

The Doors: evokes teenage terror from deep within my soul

The Guess Who: Canada’s answer to confusing question-themed band names

The Kinks: kinky

The Police: wrote the theme of 2020 and everyone somehow forgot it was about a teacher resisting becoming a pedophile

The Ramones: playing all of their songs in a row wouldn’t take more than 2 hours

The Romantics: you don’t think you know them, but if you’ve seen Shrek 2, you have

The Who: If someone can explain Tommy to me, I’d be glad to hear it

The Zombies: I think they happened because of the 60s

Thin Lizzy: Could the boys maybe leave town?

Thorogood, George: blues, but make it modern

Toto: the most memed song behind All Star

Townshend, Pete: just makes me think of the end of Mr. Deeds

T-Rex: Mark Bolan is an icon

Triumph: The no-name brand of Rush

Tubes: like the yogurt

Twisted Sister: they did a christmas album and my mom does NOT hate it

U2: U2 Movers; we move in mysterious ways

Van Halen: RIP Eddie

Van Morrison: honestly, who’s named Van?

Vaughn, Stevie Ray: Steamy Ray Vaughn

Walsh, Joe: The Smoker You Drink The Player You Get

War: Foghat, but even groovier

Whitesnake: the most successful band to be named after a penis

Wright, Gary: the 90s thanks him for writing the song every movie used for the “guy sees cute girl and it’s love at first sight” scene

Yes: To Be Continued

Young, Neil: The best part of CSNY

Zevon, Warren: the album cover of Excitable Boy makes me deeply uncomfortable for reasons I don’t understand

ZZ Top: has been the same three guys since 1969. Lineup unchanged. 

3 Doors Down: They feel a little modern to be on a classic rock station, but whatever

38 Special: Why 38?

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

Responses from the Opera Screencaps Captioning Quiz

Hello, everyone, and thank you for taking my quiz! I had SO MUCH fun reading your captions-- there were several times I literally started crying from laughing so hard at the amazingness of your work! With that in mind, the captions (which I will continue to add onto as more people take it):

(also, thank you to @dichterfuerstin​ for translating the German captions I got)

originally taken from: the Wiener Staatsoper’s 2020 production of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Die Entführung aus dem Serail, featuring Regula Mühlemann (center) as Blonde, Michael Laurenz (right) as Pedrillo, and an unnamed extra (left) as the Grim Reaper

Responses:

(Backstage warm-up) “ok so someone dropped the pulse”

me and my friends watching the fire burn after doing arson

Introducing the polycule to the parents

*boom* ... did...you guys hear that too?

Ma Signor !

Knight in whinging armour gone wrong, look at how he holds the egg. Polyamory with weird knight and death.

the father, son and the holy ghost are very gay

the gays meeting for brunch, 2021, colorized

chicken lady forces death and a very flamboyantly homosexual anthropomorphized pink bird to be parents of her egg (they dont want to be)

That’s just me and my friends on our night out (before covid rip)-- closest

A Good Friday night

good omens (2019)

["the pocket guide to boy/girl/mischief" meme] who's the boy and who's the mischief though????

Papageno and Papagena take their first-born egg trick-or-treating

Angry Birds - The Musical. A pig stole an egg and the bird unites with death to take revenge.

I love my bird wife

Someone got murdered during the funky chicken dance

throuple murders child and steals sibling of said child

When you and your friends have widely different tastes in literature

angel leading twink to his rightful place (hell)

draco malfoy from a very potter musical and a death eater are very much in the wrong show

What have I gotten myself into

Mlm/wlw solidarity but I’m not telling who is who

A woman stands with a pink dipshit with an egg and a reaper.

A bird-couple makes a pact with Death, sacrificing their first-born bird-child in order to bring good luck upon their unborn bird-baby

There are three types of people on Halloween:

Uh oh, I don’t think the mother hen is very happy about this...

oh god, they’ve invented seussical. It’s too early!

gay brunch

Three little maids from school are we

guys maybe if we dress gay enough we can distract everyone from the dead flapper bee in the back

those three killed a duck for her egg and are facing the conswquences.

Duck has egg with human, shocked and upset due to biological impossibility

When you bout to make a banging omelet so you invite your fellow queers

"No mortal man could pass that egg, but heaven shall repair your rectum."

originally taken from: the Salzburg Festival’s 2007 production of Hector Berlioz’s Benvenuto Cellini, featuring Maija Kovalevska (left) as Teresa Balducci, Laurent Naouri (center, in chimney) as Fieramosca, and Burkhard Fritz (right) as Benvenuto Cellini

Responses:

“In this same interlude it doth befall That I, one Snout by name, present a wall; And such a wall, as I would have you think, That had in it a crannied hole or chink, Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, Did whisper often very secretly. This loam, this rough-cast and this stone doth show That I am that same wall; the truth is so: And this the cranny is, right and sinister, Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.” - a midsummer night’s dream, act v scene 1

"ah yes a prime specimen. see here, right in this box is our one of a kind hob goblin that can be all yours for the low low price of your soul"

what, YOU don't have a special eavesdropping chimney window?

Hänsel und Gretel plotting against the witch

man takes a wrong turn and ends up in a chimney, catches his girlfriend cheating-- closest

when you end up third wheeling the straight couple

lady cheats on her leather jacket wearing scummy boyfriend and when he unexpectedly comes home she hides the lover in the chimney

A straight girl and her gay best friend gossip about stuff idk

Idk Shakespeare?

experimental couples therapy feat. the chimney mf from mary poppins

Area Couple Inadvertently Traps Santa-in-Training in Chimney as they Attempt Rooftop Flirting

Landlords laugh over student renter's misfortune

I never asked for this

Ay yo lil mama lemme whisper in your ear

voyeurist listens to sandy and Danny from grease

Psssst! Did you hear about Susan? You won’t believe it!

lady and the tramp meets beauty and the beast?

human trafficking

And for just $30 you too could have your own tiny brick cage!

Psst I’m wearing assless chaps under this dress

A couple tortures a man in a box.

It's all fun and games being stuck in a chimney until your greasy uncle steals your crush from right above you-- okay ngl this could actually be a great Don Pasquale concept

Taking eavesdropping to the next level

Will you two stop being lovey dovey and let me out? SUMMER LOVIN, HAPPENED SO FAST— 

overhearing how people talk about you when they think they're alone puts you in the shithouse 

Does he know we can see him?

dear god, i am so fucking hungry, yall please just do whatever heterosexuals do so i can go eat a popsicle 

the human version of the trash man from sesame street is realizing that those two are going to fuck on his trash can 

Tmw you capture an angry short dude and start trashtalking him where he can hear 

Omg what if we kissed but we actually kissed the lil goblin man under us

"Remember, don't feed him after midnight"

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Leonardo Estevez (right, on fake horse) as Le Comte d’Oberthal

Responses:

“When I said we needed to drain the swamp I didn’t think there were people actually living there”

horse? what horse? no sir i dont know what horse youre referring to.

definitely don't have a napoleon complex going on

King stole La Scala‘s Lohengrin set

king breaks all his horses, has to use statue dragged by servants as transportation because he’s too kingly too walk

Emperor Söder and his subjects on a carnival procession

man on horse makes a big deal out of being on a horse

That’s not Zeffirelli because the horse is not alive

Who the fuck put a horse on the stage

isn't this that picture of napoleon on the horse

Area Count Thinks Citizens will be Intimidated by his Extremely Fake-looking Horse Statue-- closest

Everyone wants their turn on the giant plaster horse. Police are there to make sure everyone waits their turn.

Night out with the lads

Local royalty horrified at the state of his own damn kingdom

gay army fights different gay aesthetics-- hi author how does it feel to be the funniest fucking person on this quiz

Well at least I LOOK badass

ceasar if he hadn't gotten stabbed (colourised)

some soldiers jumped out of my kindergarten fairytale collection book to burn the don carlos flemish deputies at the stake

It’s just a model

Is that how you feel pulling up in your Honda Civic, Madge?

Someone rides a horse statue in public.

Just a normal party with the bros.

what is this, some kind of crossover episode? 

Terribly sorry for all the fuss, it’s just, that is, my horse is afraid of neck ruffles. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he’s—whoaaa there—he said he was a french courtier in a past life and he’s allergic to English fashion 

Horse seller, listen to me! I am riding into battle. I need your strongest horse. - We have horses at home. - The horses at home: 

All hail Incitatus the king 

we are not ripping off shakespeare’s henry viii. what the fuck. this is about lenny xi you uncultured swine, go drown in a pit of your own farts 

oh god is that hamilton 

Guy Removed From Art Museum For Sitting On Statue, more at eleven 

Gay <3

Officer: This horse... is a virgin! Crowd: *cheers*

originally taken from: the Parma Verdi Festival’s 2017 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Stiffelio, featuring Maria Katzarava (left) as Lina and Luciano Ganci (right) as Stiffelio

Responses:

That One kid in class

its a mEntAL BreAkDowN *final countdown but kazoo*

*record scratch* yeah, that's me. you're probably wondering how I got here-- closest

Dad keeps monologuing, teenager is done

left: all of my concerned friends, right: my emo ass having a very public mental breakdown

the demons in the corner of my room when im just trying to sleep

lady gets mansplained to (do i need to say more, we've all been there)

It’s probably an area baritone telling off an area soprano-- sorry; it’s a tenor. soprano is right though.

That was a fake horse in the last photo right?

child comes out as gay to father at a particularly bad time

dissociation solves everything

I can't believe it's not butter

Honey we talked about this

My sleep paralysis demon is Crowley from supernatural

child has nightmare of boring job

When you start dating a singer but he won’t stop practicing at night

just an average day in a hetero marriage

what do i do my wife's having period cramps again

Stop having an existential crisis. It’s time to sing!

“No son of mine will kin Gomez Addams under MY roof”

Crowley stares into space while a teen has post nut clarity.

When he wont stop reciting jordan peterson monologues!!

Do you realize how effed you are?

Ugh, not this lecture again! Dad’s Practicing For His Experimental Indie Band Again 

asking your parents for help with your own personal situation and them just ranting off about what they went through instead of helping in any way 

Will he shut up already!

no one tell him he’s yelling in the wrong direction, no one tell him plnsbdjddhdj 

this kid is tired of his dad listening to rush limbaugh (a man who claimed to be pro life but died anyway) 

Me internally vs externally 

Daddy issues

originally taken from: the Grand Théâtre de Genève’s 2020 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Les Huguenots, featuring several chorus members

Responses:

It’s the deadly eye Of Poogley-pie. Look away, look away, As you walk by, ‘Cause whoever looks right at it Surely will die. It’s a good thing you didn’t … You did? … Good-bye. - shel Silverstein

why the fuckith? my good sir, i beg of you to put your pants back on

I hate this itchy hat

Titanic Extras hear that they have to do extra hours

people waiting to board the titanic watch someone fall off the plank

pov: you’re a time traveler

guy in the flatcap is embarrassed by patriotism and pathos

No idea. For some reason Le Marseillaise comes to mind

Is this from Harry Potter?

disneyland main street usa workers on strike

local tries to hide behind Newsies cap to avoid unpleasant but inevitable conversations. meanwhile, some very fashionable ladies look on.

"Thank fuck, 2020 was just a dream after all"

“We gather here today because this bitch got exactly what she deserved” “heaven!” “Stfu Stephanie she’s going to hell and we all know it”-- not quite but this basically happens later on in the opera (and act) so yeah (except the person in question very much Did Not Deserve It)

dc movie filter on bridgerton

america?

looks like my history teacher paused the prohibition documentary again

Who still wears page boy hats bro?

Coming out to a room of people who Already Knew That

Bitches are relieved at some party.

Several drunk people exiting getting off the subway attempting to seem sober and rational but realizing they have somehow lost all of their possessions

How tf do I act natural in this situation-- closest

“do you think any of them noticed that I don’t know the pledge of allegiance” 

It's too fucking hot outside for this outfit 

?

when hyyh yoonkook ending just hits different 

pedestrians watch in horror as the triangle shirtwaist factory burns and the workers throw themselves out of the windows from a dozen stories up 

Starting the pledge of allegiance be like 

He's having a heart attack oh no oh god oh fuck

originally taken from: if I remember correctly, the Semperoper Dresden’s 2018 semi-staging of Johann Strauss II’s Die Fledermaus, with Jonas Kaufmann as Gabriel von Eisenstein

Responses:

“William Shakespeare wrote: "To thine own self be true And it must follow, as the night the day Thou canst not then be false to any man" I believe this wise statement best applies to a woman A blonde woman Over the past three years she taught me And showed us all That being true to yourself never goes out of style Ladies and gentlemen Our valedictorian: Elle Woods!” - legally blonde the musical

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

woooooorrrrd

Finally Jonas has graduated! It’s about time, considering he’s an international star.

what my professors think they look like

Prof. Dr. Dr. When someone tells him there are more than two genders

'and since you've now graduated high school, you'll be entering college etc. blablabla' .........meanwhile, there's a whole row of graduates daring each other to chug the cheap vodka one of them has brought in gallons (yes that happened at my graduation, lol)

Jonas darling baby <3-- can’t argue with that

I just realized I have no idea what the actual fuck happens in an opera

ok this one is just what jonas kaufmann always wears you can't fool me.

"as valedictorian i will share with you the importance of loving the floor"

"Yes, mother, my art degree will make me money!"

Graduation speakers are out, singers are in

Senior year takes a new meaninbg

mansplainer professor explains the concept of feminism to women

Your Prof when you finally turn in that missing assignment be like

younger boris johnson (derogatory)

jonas kaufmann retires from opera and takes up motivational speaking

What a fine graduation evening we’re having today

-70 points for slytherin you all have no swag

A man with a college hat sings.

An obviously greying actor trying to play a university student in a low-budget porn parody

How it feels to graduate high school after being held back for years

East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème brûlée, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor-

I may not have been "cool" in high school, but in ten years you will all be working for me!

I finally got my GED!

that one guy in ur intro to cultural anthropology class who mansplains to the professor somehow fucking graduated

he;s just graduating and taking his speech too serously idk

Graduation speeches with that one dude who got held back 3 times

Smrt

originally taken from: the Metropolitan Opera’s 2011 staging of Gioachino Rossini’s Le Comte Ory with Joyce DiDonato (left) as Isolier, Diana Damrau (center) as Countess Adèle, and Juan Diego Florez (right) as Le Comte Ory (disguised as a hermit)

Responses:

There is something very [disturbing grunts] About polyamorous couples - polyamorous, Chris Fleming

jinkies

femme fatale (including to herself)

I’ll have a threesome soon !

Hot guy walks by, everyone swoons.

thirdwheeling friend does not realize the other two are having sex

When your girlfriend had „just two beers“ again

jesus is exasperated about having to drag the two ladies towards doing what he needs them to do instead of purple dramatically declaring suicidal intent over the smallest trivial matters and red being equally dramatic about declaring that it's not the way! stay alive! i love you!!

The throuple is thriving

Get off the milf

orgy

my last three braincells because im a horny slut

countess receives too much love and is confused on how to react

Rasputin's lesser known romp with a much older czarina of russia

Woman's soul leaves body

Jesus and co. are worried after another woman gets pregnant without having sex

bisexual looks at photos of celebrity couples

When you go to the party to socialize with new people but your weirdo friend group starts getting clingy

Jesus cumming

one of those weird church christmas pageants but everybody's drunk

What have I done

Hozier??????????

Jesus assfucks some purple lady being hugged.

This time, the chick IS the magnet

An affair/threesome gone awry (2019 colorized)

What do you mean they canceled GLOW?

“I TOLD you it was cashmere!”

Are you wearing the - - The Gucci dress? Yes I am.

It's not what it looks like!

jesus is fucking that one cheerleader who grew up to be a suburban mom with one (1) super cool dress she stole from her kid who is desperately hugging her middle begging for it back because the spring fling is coming up and jason might actually make eye contact with her for more than three seconds.

jesus and mary magdaline and some other bitch

I’m at a bar and these drunk girls are flirting with me, do I lOOK GAY?!

Shrek 5, jesus's return

c. 2025 First attempt of an Officer and his Wife with a Handmaiden (colourized)

just about all of these are close lol

originally taken from: the Bolshoi Theater’s 1993 staging of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s The Maid of Orléans, featuring Nina Rautio (left) as Joan of Arc and Vyacheslav Pochapsky (right) as Thibaut d’Arc

Responses:

Don’t look, I’m still pooping

yall, the audacity of this man. he fuckin talked to me

*i can't even tell you how wrong you are* *it would be insulting to ME*-- closest

Cospeto!

„No I’m not talking to you, you keep cracking bad jokes!“ - „But I got another!“

when you’re mad at him but he says he’ll buy you food if you cheer up

When I’m wallowing in self-pity but my friends won’t comfort me

right: wanna fuck ;) left: yeah, fuck OFF lmao

Her face is screaming “don’t tell me what to do”

Yeah I got nothing

gay man tries to hit on a lesbian bc he thinks she's a twink. she's not amused but she's watching this happen anyway

me tired of MET's bullshit and them organising a Netrebko, known blackface apologist, a recital during Black History Month. (sorry im still fucking salty lol)

"stop smiling at me like that I'm trying to pout over here"

"I got fleas, you got fleas... wanna fuck?"

I have the best idea!

Haha nooooo don’t hit me with that bat you’re so sexxyy

lesbian is bothered by dilf

Me trying to flirt

if call me by your name was hetero and set in america

how many more dad jokes can i take before i explode

So. You’ve gotten yourself in a little pickle again.

What if we fought in the Russian revolution together ✨???????... unless??

Two people flirt in a poor place of town/

"If you ask me what I've got under this dirty, shapeless tunic one more time I swear to god I will kick your rotting teeth in"

You look like ur gonna kill me but ok

Really? You again?

Okay, I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, do you think it’s safe to—oh god, he’s still there.

Have you seen Godot?

she is tired of everyone’s shit. she has done so many derivatives it physically pains her to see a variable. dont test her. ur icarus rn.

idk pick better pictures-- I HAVE DIED THE SHEER AUDACITY AND HUBRIS I LOVE THIS

200% done with your crap 

Homeless man has fucking legs of steel n is gonna show off his Russian dance moves

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2019 staging of Paul Dukas’ Ariane et Barbe-bleue, featuring Sophie Koch (right) as Ariane and I don’t remember who the person on the left is rip me

Responses:

The knight who wore this into battle sure was swaggy

dear god its hiddeous

Capitalism

Knight in shining armour gone even more wrong.

ghost contemplates the safety of spiky motorcycle helmet

„Stop! He feels bullied!“

'this is my newest take for jesus's crucifixion crown ...... what do you mean they already put him up'

That’s probably a really expensive magic helmet idk. IDK-- closest

Omg I love the adventure zone!

minesweeper (windows xp)

"Okay whatever you do don't touch the shiny spiky ball" "It's so shiny I wanna touch it"

Taking down the trash way too late

IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM

Darth Vader got stuck in the freezer.... again. Leia isn’t happy

Star Wars 2030

“And here is the very latest in motorcycle helmet trends” “Look, I only came to the mall for a pair of socks “

futuristic kkk

long-suffering jewelry store attendant really wants to retire

Put it down put it down put it down

“Hmm no you should see a doctor about that”

A weird ass crown is presented

The creation of sars-cov-2: an experimental Eurotrance nightclub art piece gone horribly wrong

How it feels to want something that u cant have

AND WE WILL CALL IT—SPIKE MAN actually do you think that’s too obvious?? Because of the—yeah, because of the spikes?? See, that’s what I’m worried about. I want it to be SCARY

I know it's risky but... lube me up

?

use the force luke.

that is a weird fleshlight

When you get an ugly gift and need to find a way to get rid of it, so your family member/friend offers to smash it

Touch the orb

originally taken from: the Opera Vlaanderen’s 2019 staging of Fromental Halévy’s La Juive, with Nicole Chevalier (left, with bottle) as Princess Eudoxie, Enea Scala (center, under table) as Prince Léopold, and Roy Cornelius Smith (right) as Éléazar

Responses:

When no one comes to your birthday party :(

fantastic, day 487 of mischief and they have yet to find my masterful hiding spot

i really wonder who he thinks he's playing footsie with

Marriage crisis. Reason sits under the table-- closest but not in the way you think (after all, the man under the table IS a tenor).

the last supper afterparty after jesus left

When you order the last supper on wish

espionage at the Politischer Rosenmontag

Probably the wrong opera but is that Leporello under the table

Now THIS is a Good Friday night

this was every birthday party i went to between the ages of 5 and 11

that awkward moment when you drop your fork under the table but when you re-emerge everyone else has left except one drunk lady and the guy trying to deal with her

After the last supper

Tfw you arrive to the dinner party too early and have to hide until a more fashionable hour

When the cishets aren’t home

waiter hides from customers

Nobody: My dog every time I’m eating:

what's left of the homies Jesus had dinner with

university chem lab experiment gone terribly wrong

I’ve been under the table FOR 30 MINUTES

Set your friends up by tossing them off under the table, they’ll think it’s each other n fall in luv

Someone hids under a table

"You're about to see an surreptitious-under-the-table-dick-sucking master at work"

5 yr old me trying to eat the desert under the table without my parents finding out be like:

They never invite me to their parties!

Just another girl’s night in

Oops! Didn’t notice you the table.

dionysus - bts (2019, colorized)

just a normal episode of eric andre (eric is the one under the table)

Just a normal day with the boys

Thievery

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Kate Aldrich (left, surrounded by women in white) as Fidès and John Osborn (center, looking like a Jesus doppelganger) as Jean de Leyde

Responses:

Hold up, is that Eggman above Jesus?

holy disco

Looks like Tannhäuser. Our lord and saviour Richard Wagner. Now I need to be saved from that.

catholicism

me defending pineapple on pizza (THANK YOU)

jesus but hes about to be abducted by the alien ufo above him

Emmmmmmm Heaven? Idk

Lord of the rings?

ewww christianity gross

"behold, I am Important"

"Seriously?? It's not ACTUALLY pyjama day? Fuck you guys!"

Jesus at the Disco

Jesus Finds The Molerat People Who Live Under Bethlehem

disco is heaven

Want to join my new religion?

the kkk

church christmas pageant where everyone's sober but it's based on the director's fever dream

Am I the only one who sees the giant demon? Just me? Okay...

“Oh god I think I’m starting my period”

A party is held with a priest in the middle

"Let's get this secret Vatican sex party rolling!"

The new avengers endgame set is looking great!!

You know, guys, I try not to be a bother but...I can’t help but feel like I missed a dress code memo for this wedding??? It’s cocktail, right??”

Jesus visits Hogwarts

I must really stink if no one will even come close to me

the extra ass funeral i DESERVE

star wars life day

A cult at it’s best-- closest

Shrek 5, Jesus is still there I guess

originally taken from: the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden’s 2013 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Les vêpres siciliennes, featuring Bryan Hymel (left, standing) as Henri, Lianna Haroutounian (center, kneeling in the black gown) as Duchess Hélène, and Erwin Schrott (kneeling to her right) as Jean Procida

Responses:

When the director’s like “great rehearsal guys, just a few notes before I let you go” but it’s already 9:13 and your mom’s waiting in the parking lot

loyalist of subjects

bow before your queen

They forgot to take down the stage boxes after the Vienna opera ball but the show must go on.

somebody forgot to book chairs for this funeral

Me sharing God’s (Hayley koyoko) word on the discord server

mass execution bc the oboe solo sucked ass-- closest

That’s too many black suits I can’t see shit

I can’t even tell what’s going on here

8th grade school assembly about how it's uncool to shit on the walls at school

let's all get fancy so we can go to the opera and sit on the stage (idk this one's hard lol)

"Yes i am a time traveller, now don't freak out"

Tfw you forget to pay your lighting bills

White guys make decisions that will benefit them and screw someone that’s not a white guy over-- OUCH but that is too real (although not really in context here)

dead man gives speech at his own funeral

brotus and the boys ??? last meeting before the stabbing

high society social function ends in mass murder-- right opera, wrong scene

Someone walks into the talent show stage with a dog

Black-dressed bitches worship a man.

Worst school assembly of all time

POV:You're the window in the classroom and someone said "its snowing"

When the conductor shows up fashionably late to the orchestra concert

That's what you get for choosing the cheapest ticket option, get back in the mud where you belong

?

theyre just trying to jump into a grave at a funeral leabe them alone this is normal

oh my god he really whipped his dick out in front of everyone, this is just like in 1776 guys, except some women are actually in the room this time,

A funeral, stop wearing so much black

I want to slap their bald heads like rice

originally taken from: the Teatro Real Madrid’s 2018 staging of Gaetano Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor, featuring Roberto Tagliavini (right) as Raimondo

Responses:

Crowd “haha!! Looks like someone missed the all-black memo!! Now it’s laugh-in-your-face time! / Guy on the floor (whispering to guy against wall): go, save yourself! I’ll hold them off...”

if i leave now i wont be a witness and can tell the police i had no idea

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Guy in the back pretends to help but is to far away to even know what’s going on.

priest walks in on beginning of an orgy, contemplated joining but is too scared-

when someone brings up capitalism but you’re just trying to play minecraft

lol lets trample this guy while the judge isnt looking

Again. Too many black costumes

Loved this Dostoevsky novel

i would know if opera directors were more creative with clothing choices ngl

me on parties lol

"imma just sneak out of here while everyone else is distracted"

"Where did he get this flooring!? Amazing!"

Everyone act normal!

The tell tale heart but they got REALLY drunk

man tposes to ward off vampires after being caught undercover

boys ???? night

the priest really shouldn't have visited the insane asylum-- closest

He’s FINE everyone’s been hit by a car before

Something happens in a room.

Perks of being a wallflower

There's always that one person in the fight whos trying not to get involved when they really wanna

Oh good, they’re all posing for a Rembrandt painting, I can just sneeeeaaak out the back here...

The gamer livestreaming Resident Evil + everyone watching the stream ? waiting for him to open the door just knowing it will trigger a chase scene

Quick!

the guy t posing in the back is regretting his every decision.-- also accurate

the us senate jumps ted cruz, some other wack ass gop senator is trying to sneak away

...I spoke too soon, however this is a James Bond mission

Queers help fellow queer do math but it's a struggle

[feminist-propaganda]

Single Mothers Will Probably Cry During Every Episode Of  Queen’s Gambit - Episode 1

I’ll start this long piece with a quote by Toni Morrisson. She once said : “If there's a book that you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it.”

After watching Queen’s Gambit yesterday I rushed to the Internet to see if someone had written all of the things I am about to write, all of the symbols I saw in the miniseries, all of the dog whistles, the references.  I found articles about chess. About how the community had adopted the film, about which grandmasters the characters were based off of, about chess moves and theories, about production and the unexpected success of the series.

According to me, this is quite mediocre commentary. I eventually clicked on the New Yorker article that seemed to be a tiny bit smarter. After a couple of paragraphs I realized that the male writer was only going to rant about how the actress is “too pretty” to be Beth Harmon, and this seems to upset him. A lot.

But no one talked about Beth’s mother. Or the name of the series. Or the embroidery. The chess board. The tranquilizers. The math. The flashbacks. The exchange of queens. The sacrifice of the queen. Did no one see it? Or is it again one of those things; where the world is so obsessed with single mothers and representing them as huge, massive, quite literal train wrecks, but no one actually wants to look at them in the eye, talk to them, help them?

Let me tell you, as a single mother, this miniseries had me in tears the whole time. It’s really difficult to watch. It’s downright triggering.

Single mothers like to keep their silence. That’s because we know the world doesn’t like it when we start talking. It hurts. A lot. So instead, the world likes to make memes about how single moms are whores, how they are drunks or over worked. How they’re psychotic. How they ramble. They don’t make any sense. Bipolar. Crazy. How their children stare at the television all day, the way they microwave bad food. We laugh at them, and use them as comical relief in our ... what exactly? Cultural objects. Then we move on. We send a message to single mothers when we do this, and the message is important. You suck. Shut Up. Don’t exist. It’s your fault. 

We make an entire mini series about a single mother who killed herself to save her kid, we put on the television images that hurt and harm single mothers and then the public responds with nothing. They don’t even bat an eyelash. Miss the point entirely. Great series about chess! Except it’s not about chess. Not at all. It’s about raising children alone, when the world hates you. It’s about a trailer. In the middle of nowhere. A strong willed woman who was a mathematician in the 1940s. Who taught her daughter everything she could. Realized she couldn’t do more. And made the ultimate sacrifice, the queen’s gambit. The riskiest, most reckless, bravest move of all.

So let me tell you about what it’s like to watch Queen’s Gambit when you’re a single mother. So that somewhere in the AI, it’s written. So that when our great grand children will try to understand our times, they’ll read it.

I’ll write an essay for each episode. And in each essay I will review the important lession that Alice passed on to young Beth, and how this takes her to Moscow, where she can live a much more fulfilling life than in the U.S.A.

Lesson 1 : Find A Two Dimensional Algebric Plane. Study It. Control It.

I recently learned from instagram user @itllbeokbaby and Amsterdam based artist and weaver Liza Prins that the words textile and text have the same origin as the word texture. 

Text derives from the Latin textus (a tissue), which is in turn derived from texere (to weave). It belongs to a field of associated linguistic values that includes weaving, that which is woven, spinning, and that which is spun, indeed even web and webbing. Textus entered European vernaculars through Old French, where it appears as texte and where it assumes its important relation with tissu (a tissue or fabric) and tisser (to weave).

Women have been weaving, beading, sowing and stitching since the dawn of times. We also know that women used this technology not just to create clothes, tents or shoes. They used it as a container of information. As cultural DNA. 

In South America, in places where writing as we know of it was never created, women would bead important tribal information into skirts. They would then use the skirts as a database of the tribe. To track births, deaths, epidemics, droughts and other important group defining events.

In modern times, women still use embroidery as a means of expression. My memories from childhood contain strong images of my aunts and grandmothers, sewing my name and date of birth onto pillow cases, bathrobes and bedcovers. They would do this by the pool, at the bottom of the ski slopes, on the beach or in the train. They would engage into conversation as they embroidered; as this activity required some concentration, but not their full attention. It was their way of being present; but also transcending into the past and projecting into the future. They sewed our lives into the cloth.

I once heard my grandmother counting the holes in the cloth she was decorating with her beautiful colours. I asked what she was doing. She said that to build the letters on the cloth, you needed to count the squares. Two to the top, four to the right, ten to the middle, etc etc. I was quite mesmerized. I was maybe eight at the time, the same age as Beth when she loses her mother. I had started learning some math in school but somehow the math in school seemed to be presented to me as the epitome of something quite different than this excruciatingly feminine passtime. 

Math was presented to me as masculine, out of reach to us girls. And now I was disovering that these women in my family were geometry experts, fluent in linear algebra, and that at a higher level, they were database account managers.

In the first episode of the miniseries, in the first couple of minutes; we discover two Beths. The first Beth is in Paris, the beautiful, the chic; the glamourous Paris. Paris will always be the undisputed capital of Fashion. 

Paris is the undisputed capital of fashion not because it is the home of polluting massive textile industries like the ones in Pakistan or Zara’s empire in Spain. Paris is the capital of fashion because it is the capital of Haute Couture. And Haute Couture is custom made, sowed by hand, piece by piece, bead by bead, sequin per sequin. It is delicate. It is slow. It is sacred. It is what my aunt’s did. 

It is the opposite of industrial, the opposite of a sewing machine, the opposite of an engine. The opposite of yield failures, punching in and punching out. It is lace. Delicate, personal, eternal.

The second Beth we see is the eight year old Beth, that has just lost her mother. She stands on a bridge. Two cars have crashed into one another. And she stares on at the police officers. One says “Not a scratch on her. It’s a miracle”. The other says “I doubt she’ll see it like that”. 

My theory is that the miniseries explain how Beth eventually begins to “see it like that”. 

The first time we see 8 year old Beth she is wearing a dress, with her name embroidered on it. It reads Beth, in pink. Feminine. Purple flowers surround it. The embroidery is delicate. It’s on her heart. 

We follow eight year old Beth as she gets sent to an orphanage. In the first couple of scenes at the orphanage, we think, for a minute, that maybe Beth will be okay here. The head mistress smiles, has nice hair. Shows her around. Yes, the bed is by the lavatory, but at least she has a bed, a roof over her head.

We only start despising this new mother figure when she takes Beth to choose new clothes. Beth takes off her dress, and stares at her name, written on the front. The headmistress selects a white shirt and grey dress for Beth. She hands to her these new items, symbol of her new life, of her integration within the orphanage and later mainstream society. The headmistress then grabs the dress with the name embroidered and looks at it with disgust. Then, she says “I think we’ll burn this one” and disapears.

Beth then understands that she is no longer allowed to love her mother. That to fit in this school, this orphanage, to survive, she must let go of the embroidery and all of the things she associates with her mother. Her mother, in the words of the teacher was a “victim” of “a carefree life”. A free spirited whore, a lesbian, a witch. There’s a lot of words we liek to use to describe women who don’t conform. And Beth’s mother, as we learn, never conformed.

At night, Beth sees her mother’s eyes, she hears the last words her mother uttered before dying in the car crash. “Close your eyes”. She said it with tears in her eyes and an air of great determination. She knew what she was doing, which is something Beth doesn’t want to tell anyone. Not even her new friend Jolene. Beth’s secret is her mother wasn’t crazy. She wasn’t crazy at all.

Then, Beth discovers the board. One day, she gets sent to the basement and sees the janitor playing chess. Later in the miniseries, Beth tells the journalist from Life it was the board that attracted her. Not the pieces.

As the first episode unfolds, Beth learns that the squares have names. She learns the names. And at night when she looks up at the ceiling she sees the board. She visualizes the pieces moving on the 64 squares. She moves them in her mind and imagines all of the alternatives. What the board would look like if she moved this piece to that square. What would her opponent do then? 

To the journalist of the Life magazine, Beth says that the Chess board was a universe of 64 squares, and that she could control this space. All she had to do was study it.

The board is much like the cloth that Beth’s mother Alice would sew information onto when she was a young child. You count the squares and move your material through it. As you go, you make shapes, patterns, motifs. Beth looks up at the ceiling at night and the first night, without the tranquilizers, she sees her mother say “Close your eyes” which is too painful or such a young child. A young child doesn’t understand yet why a mother would say “Close your eyes” and then crash on purpose into a truck. A young child doesn’t know about the world yet.

Alice aknowledged that she was about to do something extremely risky, that the outcome was uncertain. Alice told Beth that she was going to purposely provoke the car crash. 

But when Beth takes the tranquilizers at night, and now that she knows about chess, she can transfer her love for her mother into her growing obsession with Chess. She looks up at the ceiling and instead of seeing Alice’s last thoughts, she sees the Chess board. Which is the small piece of universe that Alice controlled, when she was alive. The cloth that she sewed her daughter’s name on: “So that you’ll always remember who you are”.

[joy1579]

hi! idk if requests are open now but i'm feeling kind of sad about some trauma (the police got involved in what happened to me by the way) and i was wondering how seven would react to finding out about about some trauma that still really messes with mc when he's doing a background check on them - like he's going through their files and finds this almost 10 year old file about something that happened... how would he confront that? tysm you're an amazing writer and i love your stuff sm <333

hey hey i’m so sorry this took so long i haven’t been writing much lately because my life has been going through a lot of changes (all good tho)

as for the request i want to say first that I’m sorry your feeling sad but I’m so proud of you for staying strong and searching for positive things to make you feel better i have depression and i know how easy it can be to simply stay in the sad so your strength is really inspiring! I hope my writing can help even just the teensiest bit! so without further ado

seven reacts to finding trauma in MC’s background check

·        by in large it would be the same. At first at least.

·        He doesn’t want to bring it up in chat because he knows from experience that some people (read as him) prefer to keep trauma and painful pasts secret

·        If someone brings up something similar to the incident than he not so subtly changes the subject

·        For example, if it happened on a specific holiday and someone brings up that holiday he suddenly spams the chat with meme’s and ads for sevenstar drink until everyone gets distracted

·        If for whatever reason he can’t change the subject to spare you potential triggers than he’s watching the CCTV extra carefully for any changes in your behavior, he can tell how tense you are how shallow your breathing is he’s been trained to notice high stress

·        Soon enough your kicked from the chat as he’s calling you up his tell-tale singsong voice bouncily greeting you

·        Plan A cheerful distraction! He’s turning up his energy and humor to a ten just for you. He’ll be your personal rainy day clown. Laughter is the best medicine after all.

·        If you tell him, you don’t feel like joking around however he’ll quietly admit to what he’s doing.

·        He’ll tell you, well, everything and suddenly all the meme spamming and ADHD-esque shenanigans make sense

·        You’ll laugh, that broken half sob kind of laugh that happens when things suddenly make way too much sense

·        And when he sees your shoulders shaking on the CCTV he can’t do this anymore there’s a new edge to his voice when he says “hang on” then the line goes dead

·        You figure that’s just one more person who thinks your past is too much to handle (you’ve lost a couple people this way, after all why would anyone want “damaged goods”)

·        Slowly you set about the arduous task of coming down from a panic attack when you hear a knock at the door and a familiar voice announcing that he’s coming inside

·        You make it to the entryway as he enters and the world freezes. He has your favorite snacks and drinks his arms full of everything you two had talked about in the chat. Every off handed reference to something you loved, every mention of an obscure childhood candy, every anime, manga or book you had chatted with him about. he remembers every single one and he’s standing before you now holding them.

·        “I can’t change the past.” He says lamely, like he’s admitting a great fault “but I hope I can make your present a bit better”

·        You know that meme where one person says “if I run at them right now they’ll definitely catch me” well you run at him and he does in fact drop everything to catch you.

·        You see Saeyoung knows trauma, knows it like the back of his hand, he knows trauma better than he knows himself. He knows he can’t fix it knows he can’t change or control it but he can make sitting with it a bit easier.

·        He’ll you want you want and do anything to make it easier on you. Need to sit on his lap he’ll blush and sputter and think of a hundred and one reasons that’s a VERY bad idea, but he’ll let you all the same.

·        Need to talk a mile a minute about everything that happened back then, well no matter what the RFA thinks he does in fact know how to sit down shut up and pay attention. Especially when it’s a topic he’s passionate about and there isn’t a single thing in the world he’s more passionate about than you.

·        He’s honestly surprised by the difference between reading a file and hearing your firsthand account. The details are the same of course but your version is so much more visceral, so real and vivid and horrifying. The exact opposite of the cold clinical unflinching facts of the case file.

·        If in ten years you were to ask him when he fell in love you he’d say it was in this moment. When your voice is shaking and your makeups messy from tears and your expression was as raw and honest and real as a person could possibly be.

·        Of course he loved you before but something in that moment brought it into focus. Like taking the protective film from a camera lens. When you trusted him, when you believed that he was worthy of absolute trust and capable of absolute protection. When you chose him to share your trauma with he knew in that moment that not only did he WANT to live up to that but that he HAD to live up to that.

·        You are his inspiration for change. His catalyst and muse. You make him want to be better.

·        He does not love you BECAUSE of your trauma. He does not love you IN SPITE of your trauma. He loves you through your trauma, amidst it, inside and around it. He loves you, past present and future.

[anexplanationofunfortunateevents]

It is what it looks like. Do not flinch.

The murder of George Floyd is exactly what it looks like. I cannot tell you if you should watch the whole excruciating video. I can tell you that you have seen enough to know exactly what it is.

The attorney general ordering the tear gassing of peaceful protestors and having a priest forced out of her church because Trump wanted a photo op is what it looks like. Do not flinch.

Powerful members of the most powerful military in human history really did refer to American cities as a “battlespace” and prowl around the streets of Washington in combat fatigues. Black Hawk helicopters really were used to intimidate peaceful protestors.

United States Senator Tom Cotton really did call for an even more severe military crackdown against every demonstration in the country. The New York Times really did publish his fascist screed without criticism or even comment.

Armed men claiming to be federal agents but refusing to further identify themselves is as bad as it looks.

White supremacists really are using peaceful protests as cover to provoke violence. They want a second civil war. They think they can get what they want.

Military vehicles rolling into DC are exactly what they look like. Do not flinch.

This is the wolf-watcher-who-cried-wolf problem that we keep having with Trump. A lot of people sounded the alarm years ago that Trump would take us to this point. A lot more people with a lot more power heard the warnings, mocked everyone who was worried about things that hadn’t happened yet, and got used to the idea that those things could happen. And so when Trump does exactly what he what he has always said he would do, they’re surprised but not shocked – when what they need to be is shocked but not surprised. Pooh-pooh, you’re just hysterical, the humvees on the streets of the capitol aren’t tanks yet.

Despair is justified, but it is not productive. 

If you are at least relieved to hear that the four men responsible for Mr. Floyd’s death have been not only fired but charged, you are far from alone. An overwhelming majority of the American people are on the right side of this. (Sometimes when we’re thinking about systematic issues like white supremacy it can be easy to essentialize, but that does include a clear majority of white people understanding that having armed sociopaths roam the streets murdering with impunity is actually not great for public safety.) That is what it looks like: fuel for the struggle to stop this from happening again.

Former military officials have raised the loudest alarms they know how to do. General Mattis – who ran the Pentagon for this administration – openly compared Trump to Hitler! That might be encouraging for some civilians or politically persuasive for others, but it’s important because it sends a strong and clear to people who are on active duty now: if you’re in the military, you’ve been trained to refuse to obey unlawful orders, and you’re about to be tested. And that is positive because it seems to be breaking through. The people who are currently top leaders in the Marines, Air Force, and National Guard have made it clear that they are hearing and agree with the protesters. Even the current officials who helped with Individual-1’s authoritarian stunts this week have since acknowledged that ordering troops into the streets of American cities is a bad idea, and even publicly reminded officers that they should only follow lawful orders – which, implicitly, means preparing officers to disobey unlawful orders.

That’s one of the most encouraging responses to Trump’s dictatorial cosplay earlier this week. The other is the fact that, you know, it didn’t work. The next day, even more demonstrators turned out. The crowd was just as peaceful, just as resilient, even larger and more diverse. If Trump felt like his actions the day before had helped him, he would have doubled down. Instead, he spent the night having his usual Twitter tantrum.

When you have to worry about state violence against peaceful protesters, every day that demonstrators aren’t terrorized by the government is at least a short-term win. But more than that, it’s proof of concept. Some combination of top-down pressure from military top brass and bottom-up pressure from demonstrators can make him back down. That’s good to know.

It can be complicated to trust your eyes and ears when the real work is long term, slow, and therefore invisible. Sometimes you have to witness a symbolic gesture and be encouraged to turn it into something more. Despite the violence perpetrated by local, state, and federal law enforcement officers, there were a lot of police who took a knee with the protesters, or even marched with them arm in arm. That is not a substitute for systematic reform, but if it were only a meaningless gesture to deflect criticism, they wouldn’t have resisted doing it before. That helps to validate the protests for people who aren’t paying attention, which makes the necessary changes more doable politically.

City governments have also tried to take concrete steps to show they are making an effort. I do literally mean concrete: Confederate statues and other racist monuments have been coming down over the last week. A hundred and sixty-five years after his insurrectionist force surrendered Richmond, the traitor Robert E. Lee will be removed from the historic capital of the so-called Confederacy. And that sure looks like a good start.

At the beginning of the COVID crisis, a lot of people worried that we would see violent scapegoating of vulnerable populations. And rightly so. Hate crimes against Asian-Americans have gone up in response to the “Wuhan virus” meme. But today we’re also seeing something else. The fear, frustration, and helpless fury so many of us have been sharing in the last couple of months is starting to pour out not into the perpetration of more injustice, but into demands for justice.

People singing and dancing in the streets of American cities are exactly what you want them to be: giant crowds of people from all walks of life refusing to let the bastards grind them down.

Do not despair. But do not flinch.

[jaroslavlewis]

Random DCMK Things: DCMK Couples Doing the "Boyfriend Buys and Does My MakeUp Challenge"

SHINRAN

Shinichi is familiar with the products and how they are used because he sees his mom use them all the time. Being the keen observer that he is, he has a fair advantage in the challenge.

There will be some teasing. Like "Awww. Your mom really is your first love. Nothing says love like watching a woman glam herself up."

To which Shinichi will deny, despite how true it is and despite the fact that he used to be mesmerized by his mom as a child and now he loves watching Ran glam herself up when they're gonna have dinner in a fancy place. 😂

Shinichi will most-likely stay in the safe zone and go for the natural, no-makeup makeup look. Also because, "Ran's already perfect. I don't want to mess her face up. "

Shinichi will pick a combination of drugstore and highend, but mostly highend make up. Using his memory of his mom's collection as reference. He'll most likely be able to remember the products that Ran uses as well.

He will also be shyly approaching a saleslady for help. "Err. I'm looking for something for my girlfriend... "

Will also be like, "Is this safe? Coz I'm putting it on her precious face. "

Will most-likely buy a couple of backups things, just in case. "I'll buy another shade of this blush and this lipstick for options... "

He will also be overwhelmed by the variety of products to choose from especially for foundation.

Will also be like, "I don't know which foundation shade will match her. Just give me one of each shade."

And the saleslady be like O.O

Casually whips out the golden credit card at the cash out.

And when Ran sees the receipt, she'll be like.... "That's so expensive you didn't need to buy all of that!!!"

When putting makeup on Ran, Shinichi will most-likely be cautious and gentle. Like, "Am I beating your face too hard with thw sponge? Is this brush too scratchy? Are you sure I'm not hurting you? "

Ran almost finds it annoying that he has to ask her like every minute. 😂😂😂

"So, I have to use a brush to put the blush right? But which one there are just so many of these... How do you keep track? "

*picks out the fluffiest, softest brushes always*

Shinichi's least favorite step would be eyeliner and mascara/lashes because, "I don't want to poke Ran in the eye with that thing! "

And his reaction to a lash curler will be like, "THAT THING LOOKS LIKE A MEDIEVAL TORTURING DEVICE PLEASE PUT THAT AWAY!"

Ran be like, "Shinichi, it's just a lash curler..."

But Shinichi will be like, "I don't care. It looks like a murder weapon. Put it away before it kills anyone! "

His favorite product on the other hand will be lipstick. Because it's a staple, it's the easiest and since he pays attention to Ran's lips so much.

He'll also be like... "I know you love this lipstick so much and I love this shade on you so this is the one I bought.

Finished output will be like a 7 or 8/10. With a good overall base, but the eyemake up needs a little more improvement.

KAZUHEI

Heiji will have the least advantage, mainly because he is always out with his dad than his mom. Always observing Heizo dping police work. LOL.

His initial reaction to the challenge will be "Hell nawwwwwww. I'm up for any competition but that!"

Has no particular look in mind. (good luck Kazuha.)

But "Oooohhhh green eyeshadow! "

And "Heyyyy Kazuha you like orange... "

And "This thing says foundation, so I'll just get this one."

Picks out one foundation without looking at the shade.

Definitely picks the wrong shade.

At the check out he'll be so shookt to find out how much everything costs.

Most-likely to draw on box-eyebrows on Kazuha. (Now they have the same-ish brows. Lol)

Powders fluffing everywhere when he puts makeup on Kazuha.

Kazuha be sitting there coughing. Poor girl.

Reaction to a beauty blender, "What is this egg? "

Heiji be like, "Hold still, ahou!" *violently beats Kazuha's face with a beauty blender.

Kazuha be like "Ouch!Stop being so rough!" (insert "That's what she said." meme)

Heiji be like, "But I thought you like it rough? "😏

Also *accidentally pokes Kazuha in the eye with an eyeliner*

"I told you to hold still!" "I am still you're just a dumbass!

Shinichi intervening: "Let me just take this medieval torturing device (lash curler) away before you hurt Toyama-san with it. "

Kazuha found dead after the challenge. "They say no pain, no gain. But all I gained from this challenge was pain."

Heiji at the end of the challenge: "I'm sorry I complain a lot that you take so much time to get ready. Now I know how difficult it is..."

Also, for everyone else's benefit, Heiji's score will not be disclosed.

KAIAO

Kaito has the most advantage, like duh.

Go Glam or Go home.

Highend makeup DA HOUSE!

"I don't even need to go to Sephora. I have everything in my secret KaitoKid lair but okay..."

Aoko be like "Why does my boyfriend have better makeup than me?"

The most-chill, quickest shopping around the store. Doesn't even need to ask saleslady for help coz he knows what he needs. He knows what he is doing.

"Get those fishtail/mermaid tail brushes away from me or I'm out of here! "

"This Shu Uemura lash curler works the greatest." (Shinichi in the corner screaming: "EXPENSIVE MEDIEVAL TORTURING DEVICE!")

Favorite step is contouring. 😄

Glittery metallic shadows! Because he's so extra.

"Look at that highlight. You look like something I'd steal."

More glitter. "Imma make you shine brighter than the pandora gem, baby. " 💎

Obviously gets a 100! Immediatley takes Aoko out for a date after the challenge.

[ilguna]

i also have a list of shit my history teacher (this year) has said and done so I will share it with you:

warning: its really fucking long bc he would say/do shit MULTIPLE times a day

goes onto the next slide, “it’s a meme, get it?” proceeds to explain the meme (its the hey arnold meme with the first)

also goes onto another slide, with the twitter opinion meme. at the end of the paragraph it says “this class smacks, I’m lit”

“I’m going to beat up your brother. i am going to pummel him.”

On the 6th day of class he finally realized that there was a total of 6 guys and the rest were girls

student: “You should not put it in (as an assingment)”. teacher; “laugh out loud, im dead”

he was teaching us how to write a DBQ, the computer had a pop up saying that the battery was low, and then a spider shows up out of fucking nowhere, hanging from the ceiling. he CLAPS it, jokes about eating it, and then sets it on his desk (not in the trash can 2 feet away) so he can “deal with it later”

his endless military stories, specifically ORANGE DESERT

he wrote “if you would have had your thinking skull on” on my first DBQ

him saying “I hate this” after typing a word wrong multiple times while teaching us DBQ’s lmfao

“For the lols”

Threw a box of tissues across the room into the trash can

threw a box of tissues at a student

he had this obsession with throwing expo markers at his whiteboard, trying to make it land on the metal part so expect that a lot.

“Do you want me to drown him in a bathtub?” (which was about a student’s dog that had separation anxiety lmaoo)

Sang the rain drop, drop top song

The collars on his shirt turned up

“He’ll be beaten for that distraction” (after his son called him during his lesson and he willingly answered)

“Stay woke” 

“It was a hot boy summer for him”

expo marker landed on the metal thing for once thanks to a towel that was there

kyle (it must have been a story or something i dont remember)

He woah’d at some point

HAHA so there was a kid in my class that had got caught with a bong on the second week of school and he was suspended. when he came back to class, we were going over what the south grew in the U.S. very early on into colonization. and he used the bong kid as an example of a tobacco farmer

tried to eat a balled up paper

“important revolutionary war stuff”

“My bae, George Washington”

“They could’ve killed g-dubz, but they didn’t”

called george washington “g-dubz” frequiently

“Facts”

“Swagtastic”

he got excited over a military general (baron friedrich von steuben) for being a gay military general--”That was very well respected!”

“He had a ton of swagger”--referring to ben franklin

“His nickname was the swamp fox. You guys can call me that”

The snowball fight story--his brother was friends with a kid he hated next door. my teacher challenged the kid--Eric--to a snowball fight. In preparation, my teacher had froze snowballs, and so when he did have the fight, he LITERALLY knocked Eric out and left him on the front lawn unconscious (he was an elementary school kid)

one time he gave us the punishment quiz by accident, tried to make up for it by giving everyone the answer to #6. however, it turned out to be wrong so he just gave us all 100′s instead

another military story of the goat he bought from an old man with his buddies. unfortunately they had to kill the goat to eat, but the FACT that my teacher said this “a cute little goat--you know, baaa?” as if we didn’t know what a goat was 

He was the golf/hockey coach!! so not only would he talk about beating up the kids in the golf club

he would also do random golf swings all the goddamn time! with no gold club or ball, it was just air.

“You are about to get clowned, young lady”

pronounced pamphlet as pamplet fora good part of his teaching career (another story he told us)

“It’s definitely not the declaration of independence you mouth breather!”

George washington = bae on a powerpoint

“you tied me up real good”

“France also popped off”

Compares the Connecticut compromise to ppap (with the song and everything!)

Told someone to shut up after they suggested that Iowa was the least populated state (he’s from Iowa)

hick iowa, to be exact

Wrote 23 as 32, realized his mistake and said “oop im dyslexic”

“If it’s a purge, I’m killing everybody”

“Federalism, not onion!’

“Who’s the dumbass guy? Ducey!” (our state governor)

he got arrested once. his mugshot is on google images and everything

he got arrested bc some guy was destroying his house w a baseball bat at a party his friendw as throwing (but it was at my teachers house). my teacher respectfully punched him and brought him to the front lawn. called the cops when the guy wouldnt leave and ended up being arrested too. teacher thought his career was over and threatened the guy the entire way to the police station

“laugh out loud!”

“We beat the begeezus out of a bunch of british people”

pronounced wolf as woof

“Who was his daddy? Who’s his daddy?”

Called a swim cap a bonnet

“Kick!”--then proceeds to kick a tennis ball. before that he had just thrown it to get out of his way

“Jesus, you’re a big boy”

for like 2 weeks straight he used that same tennis ball to try and erase a whiteboard. and im not talking rubbing it on the board, he fucking threw it at the wall, getting it off little by little. he eventually gave up, though

“I’ll snot rocket into the trash can”

“Cause I realize most of you are morons”

was obsessed with the cowboy boogie

“Every time I cough, my tail bone hurts”

“Do i look normal?”

“I look like an old man”

“Shut up your faces”

“I see you back there, queen”

“Some of you girls need to learn from this article”--the article was old & about girls being submissive

“that would hurt some people’s feelings, but I’m not gonna show it hurt mine”

“He’s just--’meow’”--about his cat

he had a sweater that had his face on it, photoshopped over a boxer that a student gave him. he wore it during winter

flicked a tennis ball across the room with a hockey stick. hit the coffee thermo on his desk, stared for a couple of seconds, and THEN realized that it was open

First off, all you kids making memes about dodging the draft--we don’t want your dumbasses anyway” --continued to rant for a few minutes after that

he HATED the national anthem with a burning passion

“I’m old as shit”

also, his cat’s name IS meow cat

more expo marker throwing

“Hey there handsome”-- to the teacher next door

“Henry clay is going to haunt you until april” (unfortunately we didnt make it that far into the school year bc of covid. disappointed that i didnt get to be haunted)

Singing electric avenue

“but here’s the tea”

“Flagstaff is like--” *reaches as high as he can to put expo marker on the wall

“I’m adopting all of you, and we’re moving to saudi arabia”

teacher: “I’m gonna break bowers kneecaps in front of you. you still want to be on strike?” not bowers but a different kid: “no...?”

Cleaned the shades in the middle of him explaining something

“You know your pinky toe? this little roast beef?”

THE TURTLE SOUP STORY. when my teacher was still a kid, he found a turtle in the wild, and brought it to his grandparents house (they owned a farm). he took care of the turtle for a while, even after his grandfather found out. until one day he came home and saw blood everywhere, went to find the turtle to see it was gone. then found his grandfather chopping up the fucking turtle so they could have it for soup for dinner. his grandfather literally made him fatten up the turtle so they could eat it

“Did mr.*****--?” (referring to himself in 3rd person, also blocked out to protect privacy)

“i’m going to staple your nostrils closed. staple, staple. ‘I can’t breathe mr.*****!’ should’ve done your DBQ!!”

his pedo stache 

stood with a paper and smiled, thinking that a student was taking a picture of him when it was really the paper

doesn’t know who gaston is???

him: “I’m going to staple your noses together. One staple” Student: “*****’s piercing parlor!”

*singing* “beauty and the beast”

“I’m going to tackle you”

more random golf swinging

“What’s up (my name)?” me: hi *he then hits the bun on the top of my head on his way in the door*

And he did it again the next day

he literally made kids compete with pastries

which reminds me, he brought donuts in 2 days in a row like a week after that and make us (his first hour) take bites bc he realized he didn’t want to eat it. one of the girls was glad to take it from him, everyone else told him no

“Good morning (my name) how are you?” me: “I’m sick again... do you need help? (with the door)” him; “Actually, yes” (normally he can open the door even when his hands are full but there was a stack of pop tart boxes that were as tall as him so) i opened the door, he goes in and says, “thank you (my name), for not being rude”

the following quotes are for the Hot Seat

Student: “what do you do--?” him: “you’re in the hot seat!”

“Some people cry”

“La *****, luxurious”

“You sit here, and you stare (into the projector light)”

basically everyone in the class had to answer a question as a review. there was a stool in front of the smartboard, perfectly placed so that the projector light would LITERALLy be in your eyes. i actually got the question right on some miracle.

“2 points of weed?”

“Can I get some of that hot leaf?”

“They will make more drugs! You can’t do that much drug!”

“You guys bullied me and stole it”

“Whole rest of the nation sucked an egg”

“Whelp, let’s just kill myself”

“Do you guys know david chapel?” *sigh when everyone says no*

*some girls singing the national anthem* Him: “no! none of this, none of this!”

“Calibri’s for idiots” (the font)

“The only thing that was in--shit”

“and uncle sam--gettin lit”

“Their daddy--UH--”

“They’re going to blame the jews--my people” (he got a dna test done, he’s not actually jewish)

“Whatever you say, boomer”

“Use my words to plagiarize in college”

“I’m jewish, that’s offensive”

“Tell him he gave me instant cancer”

Me: “can i go to the bathroom?” him: “I’ll allow it”

him: “He’s antisemetic and it hurts my feelings” student: “what does that mean again?” him: “Hates jews :(”

“You guys can call me kingfish if you’d like”

~ after we said no to the nicknames, we tried to make one for him ~

student: “cornhusker!” him: “no, that’s offensive... and it’s also nebraska”

student: “corn picker!” him: “no--that sounds like a racist term or something”

“Unless corona really does take over--” (thank u, mr. for ruining the school year”

Student: “how old was she (his mom) when she had you?” him: “thirteen”

“My mom just turned 40 the other day...” (a joke)

him: “My brother got t-boned by a semi truck last night” Student: “Why are you laughing?” him: “Because he lived.”

“Yeah bc I would hide out in a public school with 300 new kids a year” (about him not living in iowa so he’s hiding out in az to get away from his “criminal record” (refer to the 1 time hes been arrested))

“Baby death?”

“Their family has more money than jesus”

*Standing outside the door yelling “CORONA” to students walking in”

“Hey I’m *****, f-word, blah, blah”

“We should fight our cats.”

“OH that’s a big chonk cat.”

“Mortal Kombat is pretty cool. I haven’t played in 25 years”

he told us in class once that we shouldnt open the front door if cops show up at a party. just to shut the blinds and be a little quieter bc the cops cant legally open the door

also one time he had a gun pointed to his face but he never finished that story bc he never liked it

during quarantine he set a DBQ as 1000 points (and i still didnt do it)

and “Here’s the tea, kiddos!”

honorable mentions: all the time he’s sent out emails bc theyre fucking hilarious

[i-made-this-for-my-uni-class]

How does Tumblr function as a digital community?

Tumblr as a community has evolved, for better and for worse, due to the management changes and core features the website has experienced over the span of the past decade. From its foundations, Tumblr has catered to those who are “increasingly moored from the cultural mainstream” (Neagle, 2017, pp.11). As a combined result of both platform mechanics and the platform’s “alternative” audience, Tumblr users have garnered infamy for their attachments to “fandoms”  as well as their homogenous “extrême-gauche” political views. 

In 2007, Tumblr was founded by David Karp with the intention of it being a “tumblelogging/microblogging” platform as no others shone at this time (Rioja, 2020). Originally, this attracted artists, writers and various bloggers into the community of Tumblr. Due to its niche, non-commercialised, and NSFW-friendly nature, Tumblr also garnered a lot of attention from “alternative” users, or users that did not quite fit in with the mainstream community of platforms such as Twitter or Facebook and desired a more “liberating” platform. As Tumblr began to integrate “popular tags” and “recommended blogs to follow” on their interface, subcultures began to sprout, alongside passionate users with various interests to share in those communities. This is how subculture and “fandom” behaviour thrived on Tumblr more so than other social media platforms. Fans of certain books, video games, anime, LGBTQ+ people, etc. have all flourished from these features. 

How Tumblr typically looked around its peak popularity (around 2012-2013.) Source: https://bookendeavors.wordpress.com/2013/05/14/getting-tumblr-a-beginners-guide/

Political opinion and intrinsic values are extremely homogenous within Tumblr, which is the result of a couple of the website’s characteristics:

The marginalised youth  are the most vocal and common user on the website (Cho, 2015a; Renninger, 2015; Thelandersson, 2013; Warfield, 2016), whom of which will support their fellow “mutuals”; and

The plethora of features Tumblr has that encourages anonymity meant that users could,without consequence, attack or threaten vocal users with conflicting opinions to theirs.

With anonymous “asks” integrated as a feature, fandom personas (i.e. character roleplay tumblr accounts are a popular subseries of blog-genre) were gratified (Renninger, 2015), and the reblog feature was limitless in content’s spread, Tumblr granted its users a double edged sword: though it was ultimately freeing to sever a user’s ties from a professional or physical appearance, it could also prove to have vicious and hostile potential (example here and here). Those who held conflicting opinions to a sub-community’s norms would be either shunned or inclined to remain silent. These factors moulded Tumblr to have its infamous “panopticon” culture, where a Tumblr user grows accustomed to policing themselves in fear of an offended observer publicly shaming them. (Neagle, 2017, pp.12) (McMullan, 2015). 

Tumblr’s website is largely at war with its own community as the platform fades into obscurity. As website ownership flung from independence to a multitude of corporations, Tumblr saw the need to adapt to a more advertiser-friendly landscape. Because of Tumblr’s frequented polarising and NSFW content, the website created a distaste for brands to advertise and thus the website favoured the profit potential of Tumblr having more of a “family-friendly” attitude, choosing money over their loyal customer base by censoring NSFW content entirely. This action, in accordance with various unpolished features over the years, resulted in the general Tumblr community to detest the platform (seen here and here) and its ownership as no recent update is seen to favour the user, only the investors. A renaissance of inside-joke memes regarding the website’s fallacy erupted (examples here, here and here) as the community withered.

Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/af9rwu/oc_a_year_of_tumblr_activity_before_and_after_the/

Once independent and NSFW-friendly, Tumblr had matured from their fundamental nature in the hopes of granting advertiser favour. Though as website traffic dimished (NSFW being a key contributor to Tumblr’s popularity), so too did the attraction of the website as a profitable digital billboard (Fiegerman, 2017). As Tumblr becomes less and less popular, many of its users migrate to more cooperative platforms (e.g. writers to Twitter, aesthetic blogs to Instagram).Those that remain cling solely to the unique community Tumblr fostered rather than the potential the website has for self-expression.

References:

Cho, A. (2015). Queer reverb: Tumblr, affect, time. In K. Hillis, S. Paasonen, & M. Petit (Eds.), Networked affect (p. 57). Cambridge, MA: The MIT Press.

Fiegerman, Seth (2016). "Yahoo 'screws it up,' writes down $482 million of Tumblr". CNNMoney. 

Keller, J. (2019), “Oh, She’s a Tumblr Feminist”: Exploring the Platform Vernacular of Girls’ Social Media Feminisms, Social Media + Society Volume: 5 issue: 3.

Liao, Shannon (2019). "After the porn ban, Tumblr users have ditched the platform as promised". The Verge. 

Nagle, A (2017), Kill All Normies : Online Culture Wars From 4Chan And Tumblr To Trump And The Alt-Right, John Hunt Publishing, Ropley.

Renninger, B. (2015). “Where I can be myself. . . what I can speak my mind”: Networked counterpublics in a polymedia environment. New Media & Society, 17, 1513–1529. 

Thelandersson, F. (2013). Tumblr feminism: Third-wave subjectivities in practice (Unpublished MA dissertation). New York University, New York.

Warfield, K. (2016). Reblogging someone’s selfies is seen as a really nice thing to do: Spatiality and emplacement within non-dominant platform vernacular on Tumblr. Paper presented at the Association of Internet Researchers Conference, Berlin, Germany.

[seraphimluxe]

reality of stevebucky having super senses

this is very tmi, so heads up

right so the super serum increased the positive aspects of the natural human body by like 92829x

that’s not an exact number but you feel me

this includes their senses

touch, hearing, sight, taste, smell.

which sounds really cool at first glance !!

but lemme break it down for you

I’m just gonna refer to stevebucky as a single person bc it’s easier

touch

this one is pretty nice

he’s already got super endurance, so he doesn’t feel pain multiplied

but hes super sensitive to touch

esp physical contact

on God the man would nut if you touched his neck

exaggerated but still

*touch starvation intensifies*

kisses are a full body experience

MAD ticklish

can feel people coming before he sees them

floor vibrations and shit

like Spidey sense, he can feel if someone’s moving to touch him

will only wear things with nice textures

silk sheets no doubt

fuzzy socks

fluffy sweatpants

maybe why Bucky wears multiple layers to dull any contact he makes with stuff? so it’s less distracting or sumn

pats and pets are either vv appreciated or will stress him out

haircuts are probably a glorious experience

hearing

I don’t know how to measure someone’s hearing level

he can hear an average persons heartbeat in an average room

he can hear people’s music through their headphones

can hear electricity like tv static, or when someone’s charging their phone, can hear laptop fans

can hear water coming up the pipes before it comes out the faucet

really in tune to picking up people’s breathing changes cuz they so loud

can hear people fart 😔

people’s bones cracking, even when they don’t know it

people tapping on their phones

basically one of those meme videos of people wordlessly slurping drinks and coughing

it’s inconvenient sometimes, but helpful for eavesdropping

sight

not a whole lot to say about this

I’d imagine colors would be a little more vivid

Steve isn’t colorblind anymore so there’s that

they can detect movement super super well

like omg did you see Clint’s nose hair move

they can see far away too

better night vision

it easily gets very overwhelming

perhaps why Bucky wears black

taste

again not a ton to say

I’m trying rlly hard to not make a sexual joke

I’d imagine spicy food would be difficult

I really don’t see a major purpose in this

could probably taste if something has been tampered with/poisoned

“Clint the unsalted butter to sugar ratio in these cookies is divine”

also probably mad sensitive to textures bc of the whole extreme taste x extreme touch

really distinct coffee and alcohol preferences

they both refuse to eat pea soup

“SAM STOP PUTTING THE TOMATOES IN THE FRIDGE IT MAKES THEM MEALY”

“I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS”

smell

ah the whole reason I made this post

this one is the worst

smells every fart

forget about ever keeping your period a secret

he’s got your cycle memorized

that is, assuming you have a coochie

they can smell everyones ballsack for ten mile radius

(exaggerated again)

(or is it?)

working in the gym is hell

between the constant “silent” farts, the sweat, musty coochies and balls, THE FEET,,

thats definitely why Steve goes running outside

can smell people’s bodywash, shampoo, perfume, lotion, laundry detergent, lip gloss/chapstick, mouthwash, makeup, any candles you were burning

can tell if you haven’t showered

you thought you were being slick 😔

also:

can probably smell pheromones

ugh okay this is just such a rich concept for me

knowing people by their unique scents, even without perfume or bodywash

can ID people’s BO

that one’s not rlly cute but

certain people smelling REALLY good to him and he’s like “oh that’s probably my hormones saying we should procreate”

that’s def something Bucky would think, not Steeb

I don’t know if this is a thing but they can probably smell the change in your hormones/pheromones when you’re ovulating

weird ass

he can also smell when he gets an adrenaline rush

smells blood at crime scenes, on people

he’s basically a K9 police dog

depending on how sensitive it would be

could smell if people are sick/poisoned

you can never hide if youve been drinking

drugs

I don’t need to elaborate on that

but yeah forget panty sniffing, they can do that shit across the room

overstimulation

I’d imagine that the first couple days of being super was HELL

sometimes it still gets to be too much and they get rlly stressed :(

probably own soundproof headphones, so if it starts to get really bad they can cancel one of their senses

even then they could still hear their heartbeat in their head

sleep is the only escape where they’re not constantly being stimulated

but nightmares :((

many headaches at the end of the day

anyway that’s my take on that. personally, I exclude taste and smell from most of my canons, but I still think it’s an interesting and rich concept to play with !

[travllingbunny]

AoS rewatch: 1x07 The Hub

I’m late with this in relation to the fandom-wide rewatch timetable, but actual work takes precedence. I hope to be able to catch up soon.

This episode is the second one in a row that focuses on Fitz and SImmons and gives them more development. But unlike FZZT, which also had a really strong case-of-the-week, this one has a throwaway plot about agents going to Russia twice to...do...stuff...which is supposed to have something to do with South Ossetian separatists and anti-separatists.  I’m not a fan of TV shows randomly throwing in references to real world conflicts that it has no intention of treating seriously. If you need some random Eastern European stereotypes, better use made-up stereotypical Eastern European countries like Sokovia or Markovia and whatever. A fictional world like that of the MCU universe has a perfect excuse to do that.

This is also the episode where me first meet Victoria Hand,. Agent Sitwell also pops up, and we get to see “the Hub”, SHIELD  headquarters (one of them, apparently smaller than the Triskelion), in a secret location.

This episode begins in medias res - extremely so, with some guys interrogating Coulson, who’s doing the Black Widow from The Avengers thing, tied up to a chair, only in his case it’s in an underground prison in Siberia. In this case, the scary interrogator turns out to be SHIELD Agent Shaw. (A common name enough, I guess, or just one that the AoS writers like.) It would be fun to follow a story about Agent Shaw and what it was like to torture people brutally so you would maintain a cover, but AoS is not really a show that likes to go there, just like it never really went there with Bobbi Morse.

To sum up SHIELD’s international dealings: they have a close relationship with the US government, offices in China and Morocco, no office in Peru or Italy (see 1x13) but they cooperate with the police there; and no office or cooperation and a rather hostile relationship with Russia and Belarus and, in fact, go to missions unknown to the governments of these countries; Including breaking into government facilities. How many international laws are they breaking? To be fair, they’re also kidnapping US citizens on its soil, so they’re also breaking US laws.

Some weapon called “overkill device” is involved. (At least the show itself makes fun of it, pointing out its OTT name. “Something was lost in translation”.) 

Victoria Hand is somewhat of a legend. Coulson has never met her before, but he knows her by reputation. 

Skye is, of course, upset over the secrecy that surrounds the mission, now that a higher up is in charge. The others keep dismissing her concerns as silly - but she later turns out to be completely right. Fitz: “No need to start with one of your socialist rants”. *sigh* That’s not what “socialism” means, Fitz. I guess the SHIELD Academy  didn’t provide a lot in terms of general education in the field of humanities.

There’s mission that Ward and Fitz have to go to as a team, but it’s just an excuse to get the Odd Couple pairing of these two on a mission and do the classic bromance progression from arguing to starting to respect or like each other more. In retrospect, this is what makes this episode important, other than the introduction of Hand - it helps build a stronger bond between Fitz and Ward, which will make Ward’s betrayal much more painful and hit Fitz very hard. This is one of the reasons why those people who go “oh, you can just skip the early episodes” are bozos - without the buildup of Ward’s relationships with the other team members, and without those early lighthearted moments, what happens later in the season would never have the same emotional weight.

Meanwhile, Simmons and Skye have their “bad girl shenanigans” at the Hub, where Simmons is responsible for some of the show’s funniest moments (”You certainly have a gorgeous...head”, “I like men who are about my height but heavier than me”) and we get a great Skye “WTF?!” face:

I like using it as a meme. In fact, I’ve seen it used even before I started watching the show.

Simmons is a rule follower, but the moment she hears that Fitz may be in danger and could be tortured somewhere, she changes her mind and is break the rules.  Last episode we heard Fitz is afraid to go to the field, now that Simmons loves following the rules, but both of them are ready go outside their comfort zones to save the other.

There is noticeable new closeness between FitzSimmons after the events of 1x06, or maybe it is just because we have never seen them getting separated (yes, this is their first separation!) or Simmons worrying about Fitz.

I know that the Sandwich (TM) is something of a legend, but no matter how much the fandom has mourned it, Ward was right that it had to thrown away, or else we’d be mourning Fitz - dogs were, indeed, following them.

The nice version of Ward, which we see when he tells Fitz he has nothing to prove and that he knows he would have jumped out to save Simmons, will be contrasted with Ward’s darker side in the very next episode, when he bullies Fitz, targeting his weaknesses while under the influence of the staff. Both moments show that Ward was always noticing Fitz’ feelings for SImmons, maybe before Fitz himself fully admitted them to himself (which he’ll talk to Fitz about in 1x19).

Skye had a moment when she almost gave in to the selfish urge to use her brief access to confidential files to try to decipher the redacted file on herself, but then she gave priority to Ward’s and Firz’s safety and checked the mission file.

That blooper is right - Skye, May and Simmons  lined up in that scene really make you think of Charlie’s Angels.

While Hand is portrayed as a SHIELD hardliner with a stern and somewhat ruthless attitude, she finally reveals a nicer side, when our protagonists can’t even see her. She lets Coulson and his team go on their rescue mission and is smiling seeing that they are safe, pointing out her belief that they can carry it out “We needed our resources elsewhere. And it’s Coulson’s team, they don’t need one’. This feels different than her portrayal in upcoming episodes like 1x11 or 1x16. She also obviously wasn’t suspicious of Coulson at this point. Is it just because she still didn’t know about Hydra? Or it was Coulson blowing up the facility in 1x14 and  Ward shooting Nash after Deathlock lead them to him, that made her suspicious. Or maybe it was already the fact he let Mike be a part of the team in 1x10, which was one of her arguments against him.   

Does Sitwell know about Ward also being Hydra? He didn’t seem particularly happy that they were getting rescued, so maybe he doesn’t, and identifies of many Hydra double agents were shared only on need to know basis or within smaller units. After all, Cap’s “Hail Hydra” ruse in Endgame wouldn’t have worked otherwise. Garrett was mostly running his own thing while making sure what he’s doing also remains useful to Hydra through the creation of supersoldiers, while pursuing his goal of finding the way to ensure his survival, so he may have revealed Ward’s allegiance just to a select few or almost no one.

Coulson spends a lot of this episode telling Skye things like “Some secrets are meant to stay secret” but doesn’t actually mean it, as he enlists May to help in trying to find out info about Skye’s parentage; and tries to open his own file about his recovery in “Tahiti”, learning his Level 8 clearance isn’t enough.  I believe Fury is Level 10. I wonder who is Level 9? Hand also doesn’t seem to know the truth.

Hand notes that Coulson is a special favorite of Fury - “Not everyone gets sent to Tahiti” (cough). Which the season 1 ending will certainly prove.

Foreshadowing

Ward to Fitz: “How long can you hold your breath underwater?” (This line will never sound the same.)

Fitz: “You should know by now, Agent Ward, that looks can be deceiving.” (Oh Fitz, you have no idea.)

Fitz to Ward: “I am every bit the SHIELD agent you are”. (Oh, Fitz, you have no idea.)

Skye about Coulson: “He’s acting like a robot version of himself right now.” (..No comment.)

[carry-on-my-pretty-weeper]

Catching Lightning Chapter 8

Author: carry-on-my-pretty-weeper

Character(s): Reader

Word Count: 1.5k+

Warnings: cursing, attempt bank robbery, bomb

Author’s Note: I’m getting off of school soon so I’ll have more time for

While you were home you thought about who you were going to cosplay when you got your ‘danger alert’ feeling. Stripping down and throwing on your suit you crawled onto your fire escape. Climbing over the safety railing you pushed yourself off of it resulting in you descending down the building. Thinking about how it hurt last time you tried to concentrate the energy in the air to push the heat in your body up. Sure enough the knowledge of hot air rising helped you to land gently on your toes before you took off running. 

Crossing streets and turning corners you came upon a bank. Looking inside you saw a man looking suspiciously about so to not draw attention to yourself you snuck through the side door. Sure enough he pulled off his jacket which showed a bomb strapped to his body. You froze not knowing what to do in this situation so you hid yourself. He started talking to the banker there saying that if he didn’t get the money he wanted then he’d blow the bank and himself up. You would need to separate him from the detonator. Feeling the energy in both the bomb and the detonator you wondered if you could drain it. Like a reverse spark. He made the security guard get on the floor and kick his gun away from him to the door. You stepped out of your hiding position and announced yourself.

“You know usually to get money people take out loans,” you stated nonchalantly taking on a persona of a superhero.

“Who are you?” He asked taking his attention off of the guard. You wanted to get him distracted while you drew the energy out of his explosives.

“I’m Haywire and it seems here that what your doing is illegal,” you said calmly like he wasn’t trying to rob a bank or kill a bunch of people in the process.

“Get on the floor unless you want me to blow this place up!” He yelled, you could see the paranoia in his eyes. You slowly bent your knees lowering yourself to the ground with one hand on the ground and one hand in the air. He thought you were surrendering but while your hand was on the floor you sent a bolt through the ground in a line which raced to the bomb then the detonator then back through the floor into your hand. Your burn started to glow as you absorbed the energy.

“But you see I don’t think I can give up so easily,” you started, “I mean not as long as you have all these innocent people here.” You got up and started making your way over to him.

“Don’t make me do this,” he said while holding up the now useless device.

“You don’t have to do anything. But know if you try to blow up this place and you die you will take all of these innocent people with you. Do you really think you’ll get it good in the afterlife if you take a bunch of innocent souls as well?” You tried to reason with him. Maybe you could talk him down from this. Everyone in that bank was hanging on your every word.

“I can’t-I can’t I already started it I have to finish it,” he said while closing his hand around mechanism. He was going to press the button, he really thought he was going to take his life. Police cars started showing up outside. They quickly hopped out of their vehicles and started pointing their guns. His eyes became panicked as they had surrounded the bank.

“You don’t have to do this,” you pleaded again even though nothing would happen you wanted his conscious to be clear, “If you give up your weapons then you’ll only be charged with attempted robbery instead of attempted 1st degree.” You started to move towards him with your arm stretched out to him. The police started talking through speakers that only seemed to spook him more.

“Officers I know you are doing your job but right now you are doing more harm than help please let me handle this,” you yelled to the police outside. The man watched your interaction and saw that you were in fact trying to help. So he glanced outside and back to you. The police outside watched everything with their guns pointed.

“If you give me the detonator I promise that you will leave this place alive,” you spoke gently. Continuing over to him slowly he took one more look outside before placing the detonator in your hand. As soon as it left his hand you broke it between your fingers and let the security guard cuff him. He walked out of the building and the police placed him under arrest but by the time they came back inside for the victims you were gone. When you bolted you didn’t notice a certain web-slinging hero waiting on a building watching the entire ordeal go down.

When you had gotten home you peeled the suit off of you and hid it and went into the bathroom connected to your room to take a shower. This was by far the most stressful situation you’d been in you thought while the hot water hit your back. You had worried that the police might have caught you when you were trying to help. Thinking about how many people in that bank that heard your voice and now knew what your voice sounded like scared you. What if they recognized it when you were out and about? Deciding that from now on you would use a deeper more New Yorkerish voice to throw off the people you saved. After you washed out your conditioner you stepped out of the shower and wrapped yourself in a towel. You walked out of your bathroom and realized you forgot to close the window to the fire escape. Grabbing the frame you pushed it closed. You threw on baggy clothes and walked out to your kitchen. There your dad was cooking dinner and humming along to the radio. You hopped onto the kitchen island and asked “Whatcha making?”

“Spaghetti.”

“Somebody toucha my spaghet,” you replied to his answer while laughing.

“Did you just meme at me missy?” he asked with a smile. He knew a couple vines but he wasn’t an expert like you.

“Yes I did. You’re finally catching on old man,” you joked. He turned to you.

“I am not old,” he guffawed at you. You didn’t actually think he was old but that’s how you guys joked with each other.

“Uh yes sir you mostly definitely are old.”

“Well when you are my age you are going to think twice about that statement,” he said while he stirred the sauce. You resisted the urge to make another meme reference as you sat at the dinner table that doubled as a homework station. You picked up your backpack that you tossed on the chair earlier and got out homework. That’s when the radio stopped playing music to report about a bank robber who used a bomb to try and scare the workers into giving him money.

“A hero who goes by the name Haywire convinced this man to put down the detonator to the explosives. Which she then turned over to the police before disappearing from the crime scene,” the newsman reported, “here are some eye witness accounts from victims that were trapped in the bank.”

“She ended up talking him down from killing himself and everyone in there.”

“Haywire saved my daughter and I. I’m eternally grateful to her.”

More victims spoke out as you looked at your dad. Trying to bring the subject up to him in the most nonchalant way possible.

“What do you think of that? It sounds like there’s a new hero around,” you ‘observed’ with as little as interest in your voice as you could possibly have. 

“Well as long they’re out there keeping you safe I see no problem with it,” he said like a dad would. It’s amazing how most parents’ first thoughts are about their children. Thinking about your birthday present from earlier you put your pencil down.

“Did you know that MJ, Peter, and Ned got me tickets to Comic-Con?” you questioned him. You shuffled your feet back and forth while you waited for his answer.

“Of course! When Peter asked me at first I said no because a couple of kids at a convention wasn’t okay with me. But after a bit of convincing and begging Peter changed my mind. The boy made a damn powerpoint presentation about why you should go,” he said chuckling to himself. He brought up the pasta sauce to his mouth and tasted it. Offering some to you, you gladly obliged and sipped from the wooden spoon. 

“It’s really good dad, mom’s going to love it,” you hummed. Peter made a powerpoint? That placed a small smile on your face. What a nerd you thought affectionately, well he’s your nerd.

That night while you laid in bed you were nervous about going to sleep. What if you had that nightmare again? Well it wasn’t necessarily a nightmare but you could have sworn you felt the pain. Closing your eyes you didn’t fall asleep. You tossed and turned before realizing why. ‘Danger alert’.

You quickly got dressed and jumped out of your window. But what you didn’t know was how exciting tonight was going to be.

Tags: @stevieboyharrington @fandomlover03 @markusstraya @speggehi @thetimidsarcasticcat @condy-wants-a-cookie @feline-space

[denebola42-blog]

Clear Sky, 30°F

Errors in Atheism: Some Things Needing Change

Ok, first off, I don't know if there's a God. I just don't. That doesn't mean I believe in Religion. Some of their ideas are correct if you take out the part where they try to force you to believe. See, for example, in the Mormon Religion they teach that we have agency as in freedom to choose, yet I've not often encountered such freedom as to investigating other religions like other members were allowed to. Religion is like that in general and I think that even if there is a God, or even if Mormonism is true, freedom is a stepping stone to truth. You simply can't understand if you're not allowed to think. And you can't think for someone. That's not freedom and certainly telling what they can do or say is just wrong a well and the goes for religion too. Atheism and Religion are two sides to the same coin when it comes to conflict.

Other things Atheism does is nitpick inaccuracies in religion with a fine toothed comb.. Thank you. I actually do appreciate that but I've realized Atheism at least omits some things about their history. There's a popular meme that shows a cartoon of a militant Muslim with a bomb vest, a militant Christian with a gun, and a militant atheist with a MacBook having coffee.. Wrong. That's not always the case. If I recall, in the book “Enemies: a history of the FBI” atheistic Anarchists blew people up. Innocent people and assassinated a couple world leaders. Antifa is historically believed to have propelled Hitler into power by accidentally making his opposition look bad simply by taking the same stance but with violence. Antifa exists today and doesn't just attack Nazis. They attack world summits, civilians, police, nice cars, you name it. Even burning and destroying out greatly damaging businesses of people that have nothing to do with their perceived enemies. Oh and Ayn Rand was atheist and encouraged the same crap that the far right Republicans encourage such as assistance only for the well off.

I'm for LGBTQ rights but atheists omit saying some truths about them. Harvey Milk was a pedo. The leader of the human rights campaign was accused of pedophilia and was a friend of Obama. They say that gays don't rape. They do and they rape a lot and this or the HRC themselves but they add they also get raped a lot as a hate crime. There was a speech I think it was in the 80s where a gay guy said gays were going to take over the USA by basically infiltrating everything and raping people into submission. In the 70s some gays said that the family, families in general as in the family unit, was the enemy of the gay community. Gay pride parades used to include NAMbLA or the National Man boy Love Association. It was basically an organization that promoted and participated in child molestation. What else, oh I've heard them poke fun, no pun intended, at the old movie “Boys Beware” about stranger danger against boys and a similar film called “Girls Beware” about the same danger from lesbians. Two words. The Greeks. That has been around for ages plus did NAMbLA and their associated “Butterflies” group spring up overnight? If so then that makes it part of gay rights? Funny they come out at the same time in pride parades. Oh and there's violent gays like Bash Back and I think there's other Anarchist gay groups. Oh and on an Anarchist website I found a book review of an old book written by an Anarchist speaking for gay rights since he went in prison Straight, but learned to basically enjoy the company of men due to desperation and loneliness. Reverse gay conversion therapy or the original gay conversion therapy because apparently it's pretty therapeutic for him. Oh and the days that still happens. It's pretty common for repeat offenders to do the man booty thing in jail but prefer women outside. Oh and Ice Cube has a rap song about that. Yeah, I know, I shouldn't be listening to that stuff. Moving on. Oh and I own the Richard Dawkins book called “The God Delusion.” In the bibliography there's a note saying that prior to, I wanna say 1935, gay referred to prison rape and now we have “gay pride parades.” The crap? And there's the famous remark where Richard Dawkins basically said that pedophilia wasn't that bad.

Enough of that. Now, there's a video I saw where a conservationist removed 80 hooks from dangerous sharks and made friends with some of them. Yes, they repeatedly come back for nose rubs. They literally act like little puppies and do you know how small a shark's brain is? It's the size of a walnut if that. Ok, so atheists are big on science and there's animal experiments that still happen on dogs for example. Do you know how smart dogs are? They save the lives of their families even without training. I've seen video of a cat saving a toddler from an aggressive dog on YouTube. I've seen video of cows playing with a soccer ball and freeing other cows from their enclosures, and then there's primate experiments. And not all of it is even medical there's a lot done just for makeup or shampoo and stupid shit. Oh and don't get me started on human experiments and I don't mean just Nazis. Americans have experimented on the American and other populations from other countries. Facebook recently did a psychological experiment on us, their customers. And in college I've heard of shrinks doing experiments on anyone from children to adults. And he said they still do and some always will even though it's illegal technically. I don't just mean Facebook. Plus there's sexual harassment and even rape in the science fields and they don't get fired like at Google or other fields. They might get fired less then even religion. That's it for now. I'm tired or I'd write more. That's it for now.

References:

https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/tegan-eanelli-bash-back-is-dead-bash-back-forever

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/3023834/posts

https://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2015/mar/04/ben-carson/ben-carson-many-prisoners-go-straight-come-out-gay/

https://www.truthrevolt.org/news/friend-obama-and-founder-largest-gay-rights-org-charged-pedophile

http://www.revolutionbythebook.akpress.org/anarchism-and-gays/

https://mobile.wnd.com/2002/07/14612/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harvey_Milk

https://youtu.be/Wu-jfju5atI

I thought of you when I read this quote from "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins -

"Consciousness-raising again 150 The Oxford Dictionary takes ‘gay’ back to American prison slang in 1935. In 1955 Peter Wildeblood, in his famous book Against the Law, found it necessary to define ‘gay’ as ‘an American euphemism for homosexual’."

Start reading this book for free: http://a.co/5Oqgujk

https://pages.vassar.edu/realarchaeology/2017/03/05/phrenology-and-scientific-racism-in-the-19th-century/

https://www.makeuseof.com/tag/facebook-secret-experiments/

https://www.onlinepsychologydegree.info/unethical-experiements-psychology/

https://www.bestpsychologydegrees.com/30-most-disturbing-human-experiments-in-history/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unethical_human_experimentation_in_the_United_States

https://youtu.be/l4AI6T0-isc

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/09/richard-dawkins-pedophilia_n_3895514.html

https://www.advocate.com/commentary/2015/11/13/rise-gay-bigot

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-liberals-war-on-science/

http://www.rawstory.com/2017/04/a-clinical-psychologist-explains-how-ayn-rand-seduced-young-minds-and-helped-turn-the-us-into-a-selfish-nation/#.WXE3ms8FoQd.gmail

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ayn_Rand

http://www.hrc.org/resources/sexual-assault-and de-the-lgbt-community

https://zcomm.org/zmagazine/what-happened-to-queer-anarchism-by-michael-bronski/

https://libcom.org/library/paedophilia-and-american-anarchism-the-other-side-of-hakim-bey

https://m.townhall.com/columnists/mattbarber/2011/09/03/sexual-anarchy-n1031230

http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/abusive-lgbtq-relationships/

https://youtu.be/8nkeRvtPmn0

https://timeline.com/antifa-history-violence-nazis-5ccb6231879a

https://youtu.be/6UZxKI5eutg

https://youtu.be/-awkYhtey50

https://youtu.be/_J5bDhMP9lQ

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/politics/blood-rage-history-the-worlds-first-terrorists-1801195.html

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1751204/posts

https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2018/05/sexual-harassment-science-me-too-essay/

https://www.marieclaire.com/career-advice/a14104684/sexual-harassment-assault-in-science-field/

https://www.sciencenews.org/blog/scicurious/fighting-sexual-harassment-science-may-mean-changing-science-itself

I don't mean to knock on just one or two groups and there's good and bad everywhere. Just had to show I'm not just out to get religion/Mormons. I can come up with both good and bad for minorities, Native Americans, cops, military, gangs/criminals, and me. It's not because we're bad and I'm not amoral. I think our main weakness is we're mortal. We have relatively weak bodies with a pretty limited lifespan, much of it spent/"wasted" trying to figure out what's going on while fending each other off/figuring each other out. What could go wrong? Lol there's many factors but honestly I'm tired and have to get up early. And yes I have way too much time on my hands.

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